#and u may just so happen to spill some coffee on a white couch
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i did it. im caught up. im sad i caught up. i like it a lot. i’m very sensitive to the faults storywise and visually as well as societal implications but it’s good that i get to engage with it and think. i don’t know if they will pull it out but so far so good. i’d like to hear if anyone has any critiques but probably not. now i’m tres interested in aeymhok and also pls keep aey on skewerslide watch i swear to god the energy the actor was radiating i was like was this me looking at my brother when i thought he was gonna lose his mind? is this mymom looking at me? maybe im just extra sensitive lately but i feel like he’s a sad sack but bnot in a bad way. it;s like ugh you’re actually pathetic rn but there’s so much shit! and u can tell even through the stupid behavior he just knows it sucks. so melancholy jesus christ. i will fly to thailand rn and save u i swear 2 god kid
i liek the ensemble nature. interested to see whats ahead. i’m trying to locate the feeling of watching it. it is enjoyable and romantic but it’s also a show i actualyl have to think for. i mentioned this before but they upload the videos on youtueb pretty crisp and htey dont come compressed, the audio is clean, the production design is nice, and even if its’ a bit emptier than what we would be used to like yea it works. they are asking us to understand and take the show seriously, go through the ups and downs, think and reflect, and think back and also the immediate jokes and thoughts that come up. theyre telling us it’s serious so the two MAJOR things to do that i know they wont do: clean up the fucking edit. i am sorry it’s unacceptable. there’s some lazy fucking syncing and cutting. it’s probably some kid who knows nothing doing it but this is your WORK guys and it’s so far decent work so i don’t think the scenes where it’s clear they were rushing to get it out or something should go out unchecked. dont care that’s filmmakign 101. ur telling us everything abt this is a true work SO FUCKING MAKE IT COUNT IN YOUR EDIT. IT’ S AHUGE PART OF THE EXPERIENCE.
secondly they NEED to understnad the timing of sound. like honestly. they have to get rid of the gulping “foley” (sounds recreated after the fact but idk if that would be foley? idc) it’s REALLY DISTRACTING. the eye movements. it’s been more sobering and theyve tempered the music but you can tell when they nail certain scenes and then it’s like others hwere they were like ????? WHAT 2 DO? NEED 2 SUBMIT TAPE? UHHHHHHHHH JUST (fast typing) and then we get shit like a double cut in a shot. nah. they KNOW how to do it so you can feel what parts are being rushed and that’s where im like DO BETTER GUYS IT’S IN YOU
the editing thing imo is not minor. the music thing fine. but im hoenstly shocked. that’s really embarrassing and th eeditor should be embarrassed and so should the team. it’s soooo frustrating to see that cos you know they spent time and energy on it. so it needs that consistency.
i can literally onyl talk about this at length bc i genuinely like what i hvae seen and i find the show interesting! i love it when satire makes me think but i brace myself for if it fails cos it can. and even though you kind have have to think more with it there’s less stress and pressure when watching it. i think bc there’s a lot to figure out tempered with the humor so the watch isnt stressful which a lot of TV is to me. but again these shows arent meant to be binged! which is good! and why it is even more imperative u fucking make sure when u publish ur show u get that cut motherfucking TIGHTTTTTTTT MATE
bonus for sure the acting in this show is really beyond than usual. not like stellar. but like with ITSAY it’s like ah yes gravitas. feeling. and they have to bc of the show’s contents. but u can see up takes it seriously. he’s doing really well. i was recently listening to this make up artist who sued to work in film and he was like listen if ur gonna fake drunk u gotta SELL THAT SHIT MAN and ever since then it’s been stuck in my head. up sold it!!!!!! yes indeed my measure of a good actor is HOW GOOD ARE U AT FAKING BEING FUCKED UP / BEING FUCKED UP AND ACTING WHILE UR FUCKED UP LMAO
fun fact that’s actually an insurance disaster. ur not allowed to have driks around a camera bc it’s insured. yes it’s stupid but it’s true. no people dont follow it.
#lovely writer#why yes#yes filmmakers will go into your home#cos htey rented an airbnb for their film#and u may or may not be working on set as a PA#and u may just so happen to spill some coffee on a white couch#anythign can happen#now imagine that but with like a 75k camera#art :')
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Working Imperfectly
Summary: Peter struggles with his workload.
(This is a (late) Valentine’s Day exchange fic for the incredible and talented @ephemeralstark! I hope you enjoy!)
Read on AO3
Tick, tick, tick, tick.
Peter doesn’t know how it started.
Tock, tock, tock, tock.
He’s been staring at his ceiling for hours.
Tick, tick, tick, tick.
He doesn’t even want to look at the clock, knowing he’d hate what he saw.
Tock, tock, tock, tock.
---
Peter’s eyes burned as soon as he opened them to see the sunlight cutting in through his window. He groaned as he flung a hand to his nightstand to turn off his phone alarm. The silence that followed was music to his ears. He closed his eyes again and breathed in deeply, savoring the warmness of his bed.
“You’re going to be late!” May’s voice cut through the final strings of sleep tying him to his bed.
He groaned out a response and threw himself out of bed. Everything was sore. He was sore in places he didn’t even know he could feel. He had been up late fighting some… electric guy. He hadn’t stopped to get his name, but he still felt like lightning was zapping between his toes.
Thankfully he still had some fresh laundry. He threw on some clean clothes and went to the kitchen to eat something before he left for school. May watched him from over her phone as he came in.
“How’d you sleep?” she asked.
Peter rubbed a hand on the back of his head. “Fine! You know, I slept great.”
“Really?” She turned her phone around so he could see the screen.
Peter took her phone and read through the short article. It was a quick description of the fight from last night. Okay, so the guy’s name was Electro. That’s good to know.
“That was from the weekend,” he stammered, handing the phone back to May and turning around to shove some bread in the toaster. “They must have been waiting to publish it on a school day.”
“Peter,” she said slowly, standing up and turning him around so she could put her hands on his shoulders. “You can’t do this to yourself. I worry about you.”
Peter shrugged her hands off and turned back to the toaster. “I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“And would you say that if you weren’t?” May sighed at his silence. “I love you so much, babes. It’s my job to worry about you.”
“May, I promise.” He took his phone out of his pocket and started to send a text to Ned. “I’ve got it. Spider-Man’s got it. We all got it.”
May sat back down at the table and hummed as she picked up her coffee mug. “If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure,” he said.
May turned off her phone and put it back in her pocket. She cleared her throat. “Tony’s coming over for dinner tonight, by the way.”
Peter looked up from his phone cautiously. “What happened to hating him?”
“Well, it’s funny. He has a way of winning people over.” She paused to look at Peter’s raised eyebrows and smirked. “But Pepper’s who finally turned me around.”
Peter laughed and looked back at his phone. Ned finally replied.
I’m here lol, the text said. did u do the study guide for warren?
He was going to do that last night, but then Electro showed up. Shit.
He flinched right before the toast popped out of the toaster.
---
Peter went through school mechanically. Sit next to Ned in classes, ignore Flash’s quips, zone out while looking at MJ, the usual. He even had time for Ned to info-dump to him about what was on the study guide before he went into Mrs. Warren’s class.
“And then you have to remember to change the variables, but you already know that,” Ned finished just as they walked through the classroom door.
Peter sighed as he threw his backpack by a stool. “Thank you so much, man. I owe you one.”
“That’s okay,” Ned said as he claimed the stool across from him. “You probably owe me like, five hundred by now. I’ve learned to not keep track.”
Peter groaned and ran a hand through his hair. It was getting a little long. “I’ll get you one of Mr. Stark’s ashtrays next time I visit. You can sell it on E-bay or something.”
“That’s good, ‘cause I’m totally in it for the money.”
Peter and Ned shared a quick, small laugh as the bell rang and Mrs. Warren started to hand out the tests.
Peter tried to ignore the clock as he finished his test. Each time the second hand moved sounded like a gong.
---
“It’s not my blood, don’t worry!” Peter called through the apartment as he climbed through the living room window. His bedroom window was blocked by a few tough-looking birds and he didn’t want to disrupt their meeting.
He was stopping a mugger on the way back from Decathalon, but the mugger somehow ended up swiping the knife across his stomach while trying to do some knife trick to intimidate him. The person he was mugging ran away, and Peter ended up having to call an ambulance and apply pressure to the wound for a while. What a weird day. He ended up with a few small bloodstains, but thankfully everyone would be okay, mugger included.
He slowly lowered himself from the ceiling and cringed at the faint bloody handprint that stained the white paint. He’d be hearing about that later, surely. He tugged his mask off and turned around to walk to his bedroom before freezing suddenly.
“Hey, kid,” Tony greeted nonchalantly from the couch.
Tony and Pepper were sitting on their couch. Right, May had said they were coming over for dinner. Tony’s eyes were crinkled with mirth behind his tinted glasses. Thankfully Pepper remained cordial.
“Nice to finally meet you, Peter. Tony’s told me a lot about you,” she said, standing up and offering her hand.
Peter vigorously wiped his hand on his thigh to get the blood off of it before shaking her hand. He didn’t feel too much stickiness when they separated, which was a good sign. He tried to give her a smile that didn’t look deranged.
“Nice to meet you too, Ms. Potts.” He leaned around Pepper to look at Tony, who was still sitting on the couch. “You talk about me?”
Tony shrugged and removed his tinted glasses. “When you’re not covered in blood.”
“When am I covered in blood?” Peter looked down at his suit and then at the professional chic outfits Tony and Pepper were wearing. “I’m just going to go change real quick.”
He got a few feet past the couch before almost running into May, who bringing Pepper and Tony snacks from the kitchen. She jumped, almost spilling the crackers.
“Peter,” she sighed, “I love you so, so much, but you’re all over the place today. I set out some nice clothes on your bed, go get changed.”
Peter nodded and left to change out of his suit, but not before grabbing a few crackers and cheese slices from May’s plate.
---
The clinking of silverware seemed to fill the room. Tony and Pepper were perfectly polite, the food was great, but it was weird to mix his Spider-Man life with his personal life. It would be like if that weird lizard dude from last month started teaching his science class.
“May, the chicken carbonara is lovely,” Pepper said, breaking the silence.
May smiled at the compliment. “Thanks, it’s one of the few things I can make. It’s my mom’s recipe.”
Pepper and May’s chatting slowly faded into the background of Peter’s mind. He focused on the pasta he was twirling on his fork.
His mind went to school. He had a project for Spanish due on Friday, some math homework slowly piling up in his notebook, and a history assignment he had to get done. He knew that by the time he finished everything, he’d have a whole new set of homework assignments to stress out about.
He hoped everyone in Queens could just take it easy on the crime for the next few days so he could get caught up on everything.
May nudged his ankle with her foot from under the table and he looked up from his plate to see Tony and Pepper looking at him.
“Uh… what?”
Tony chuckled and asked, probably for the second time, “How’s the suit holding up? Dubious blood stains aside.”
“Oh, it’s great, Mr. Stark. Really nice. It stretches in the right places and… everything.” He shoved some pasta in his mouth so he didn’t keep rambling.
“Good to hear,” Tony said with a laugh at the edge of his voice. He makes eye contact with Pepper before looking back at Peter. “Pep and I wanted to invite you to come to the lab upstate and work on a new suit. It’d be good for you to get some input on the new design.”
Peter stopped chewing and looked at May incredulously.
She smiled and said, “It’s fine with me.”
He swallowed his half-chewed pasta. “Yeah, that’d be-- that’d be really cool, Mr. Stark. That’d be great.”
“Great,” Tony said with a smile. “Happy can pick you up after school on Friday.”
“Wow, thank you, Mr. Stark,” he said, trying to ignore his ever-growing to-do list that had to be done by then. “That’d be awesome.”
May nudged his shoulder with hers. “As long as you get all your homework done. Spider-Man can’t be failing any classes.”
“Easy-peasy,” he said, squinting at her. “Piece of cake. Homework’s easy.”
He joined in with the slow wave of laughter that spread across the table.
---
Before he knew it, it was already Thursday night. He was sitting at his desk, staring down his Spanish project as his clock kept moving forward and forward.
Cuando tenía ocho años, me gustaba ver las películas Star Wars con mi tío. Íbamos al cine juntos.
The imperfect tense would never make sense to him. Neither would the formulas he was learning in calculus. Or the war he was learning about in history. He sighed and put his head in his hands.
If he turned his head just right, he could see the corner of his Spider-Man suit peeking out of his backpack. He started to smile and shut his laptop.
---
This is what made it all worth it. Swinging through the fresh night air and feeling his gut lurch with adrenaline at every downswing. He felt like nothing could touch him when he was like this.
A tone rang in his ears and he looked to the corner of his UI where Tony’s face was currently flashing as he ran along a rooftop.
Almost nothing could touch him while he was like this.
“Can you accept the call, Karen?” he asked, flipping backward over the edge of the building and falling into a swing.
He only had a moment of the wind rushing past him before Tony started talking. “Got a sec, Pete?”
“Yeah, I’ve got plenty of secs.” He screwed up his face as he swung up and planted himself on a rooftop. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
He heard a small sigh over the line. “I’m going to do us both a favor and ignore that. What’re you doing up so late?”
“Oh, you know,” he said, swinging his feet off the side of the building. “Just swinging around. Stopping crime. All that stuff.”
“I seem to remember May giving you a curfew of 11pm, is that still in place?”
Peter checked the time at the side of his UI. It was past midnight. “Uh, no. She decided to take a more… flexible stance on that.”
“Let’s pretend you told the truth just then. Why are you out past curfew?”
“Who says I’m out past curfew?” He stood up and started pacing. “Why are you up so late, anyway?”
Peter blinked when Tony suddenly hung up the call. He only had a moment to react before he heard the Iron Man suit land on the other side of the rooftop. The suit parted to let Tony step out, dressed in a faded band shirt and oil-stained jeans.
“I was field-testing some ideas for tomorrow when I got a little blip saying you were still out,” he said, clapping his hands together. “So what’s the deal, kid? Are you nervous to check out my lab? Totally understandable, but you shouldn’t worry too much. I let DUM-E roll around, and he’s more of a mess than you.”
“It’s not that at all, it’s just--” Peter tugged his mask off, feeling strands of hair fall at the base of his neck. He rubbed them between his fingers. “Do you think I need a haircut? I feel like my hair’s been getting really long and I know I need to get one, but it’s just that there’s a million different places to do it and I don’t even--”
Tony walked towards him with his hands up, as if approaching a wild animal. “Hey, woah, kid. Your hair’s fine. I’ve got a barber I can send to your apartment if you need.”
“It’s not even that. It’s--” Peter ran a hand through his hair. “It’s just stupid, is what it is. I’m Spider-Man, right? I should be able to handle this--” He slumped against the concrete barrier around the edge of the roof and cradled his head. “This! High school, classes, friends, all of it. It’s not hard! I can just-- can see everyone else doing it. Betty does everything I do and she does the announcements and has a job to save up for college.”
“Betty isn’t also moonlighting as Spider-Man.”
Peter made a noise that sounded almost like a growl. “That’s not the-- She could! If she was Spider-Man, she would be able to, is the thing! I just don’t know what everyone else has that I don’t! That’s it!”
He heaved out a sigh. When he spoke again, it was much softer.
“I just feel like I’m drowning.” He looks up to Tony from where he’s sitting. His eyes are glazed with a thin veil of tears. ”And every time I get close to breaking the surface and getting a chance to breathe, the water level just rises again. I never get a chance to stop moving.”
Tony carefully sits next to him. After a second, he places a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “We can work with this. You’re feeling overwhelmed. That’s… That’s a normal teen thing.”
Peter choked out a laugh and rubbed his eyes. “I guess. It sucks.”
“Yeah, I remember it sucking quite a bit,” Tony said. He motioned between the two of them. “But this is good. Communication. Asking for help. That’s good. That’s all you.”
Peter shrugged and hummed in response.
“You know what’s not good, though?” Peter looked up at Tony. “Using your suit as a way to escape your issues.”
“Sorry,” Peter mumbled, looking down at his lap.
Tony sucked air through his teeth sharply. “No, you-- You don’t have to apologize, kid. This is normal, what you’re doing. I’m warning you about the suits as a preventative measure.” He looked up at the stars and exhaled softly. “It can be hard to have such an easy escape route. Who needs to worry about the lowly issues of the people when you can just fly away from it all, right?”
Peter joined Tony in watching the stars. Even though the smog of the city covered a lot of their view, they could still see the lights twinkling in the distance.
“But you’re too young to worry about all that yet,” Tony said, giving Peter’s one last squeeze before removing his hand. “So hit me, stripling. What’s got you down?”
“Um… homework?” he offered after a moment.
Tony scratched his jawline. “Let’s narrow it down a bit, eh? Anything due tomorrow?”
“Well,” Peter sighed, “I’m supposed to write a paragraph in the imperfect tense for Spanish, but I never know when to use it, even though Mr. DiPaolo has explained it a million times.”
“Okay.” Tony paused. ”Well, that’s doable.” He stood up and walked over to his suit. “Italian’s got a similar quirk to the past tense. I might not be as good as your teacher at explaining, but I know the ropes. Sit tight.”
“Wait, what?” Peter pushed himself up and followed Tony. “Are you teaching me Spanish?”
Tony detached the helmet from the suit and moved to stand in the center of the roof. “Got nothing better to do at midnight on a Thursday. As long as you promise to keep this to yourself. Your aunt is a force to be reckoned with.” He paused to think. “On second thought, you can tell her how good of a mentor I was by teaching you Spanish, just leave off the fact that it happened past curfew.”
Tony placed the helmet down on the surface of the roof and minutely adjusted the angle it was facing. After a moment, he stood up and moved in front of it, wiping his hands on his jeans.
“Sit,” Tony said, pointing at the ground a few feet from his helmet.
Peter sat. “Mr. Stark, you don’t have to do this. I can look up a Quizlet or something.”
Tony waved him off. “Nonsense, kid. You’ll be back home and practically fluent in less than an hour. You can even hitch a ride back on the suit if you promise not to use your taser webs.” He checked his watch and frowned. “Not that this is going to be a thing between us. This is a one-time offer. Don’t form a habit of staying up this late.”
“Yeah, of course. Of course.” Peter scooted himself closer and looked up at Tony. “This is so cool,” he said, almost to himself.
“Don’t let it get to your head,” Tony said with a ghost of a smirk. He clapped his hands at the helmet. “Hit it, FRI!”
A holographic screen coming from the helmet flicked on to the side of Tony. He used his finger to write el imperfecto on one side and el pretérito on the other.
Peter still had a lot of homework to do. He knew he would still have trouble managing his life with Spider-Man. But sitting on the top of a building past midnight, being taught how to use the Spanish past tense by Iron Man, he realized he would always have people to help him if he needed it.
Tag List: @ironfamjam @addi-is-amazing @mysterio-is-a-little-bitch @wellplacedbanana @night0seven @unfathomable-universe @bibbidi-bobbity-booyah @spideynamu
#ok but if anyone needs help with high school spanish PLEASE hit me up#i WILL love you#art writes#irondad#iron man#spider-man#marvel#mcu#peter parker#tony stark
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Summary: The Christmas season was always hard for the Novak family but this year Castiel has someone to help him through it. Dean is determined to help his boyfriend, Cas, get through a holiday gathering with his family.
Read on Ao3
(Fic bellow the cut)
Families can be hard. And if Dean ‘my dad’s homophobia made me too afraid to come out of the closet even after he passed’ Winchester had one goal tonight, it is to make this as easy as the universe would allow him. Having your parents know that your a biromantic asexual and actually coming home with a boyfriend are two entirely different ballparks.
Cas had insisted that Dean should come to meet his family this Christmas. The previous years they had always gone down to Dean’s basically surrogate father’s place. Bobby was a bit rough around the edges but was all gushy at the core and welcomed Cas to the family with a smile and slap on the back(He could have sworn he heard a ‘finally!’ as well).
Ellen and Jo both gave Cas some… stern talking-to’s about what getting with Dean entails that left him a little shaken, but over the past four years of being Dean’s ‘boyfriend’ instead of ‘best friend’ has shown him worthy of Dean’s heart. Jody and Donna had been more than welcoming as well, even inviting him and Dean over for a nice dinner one night.
Sam was probably the most excited. He flew all the way from California to congratulate them in person and even got a little teared up by Dean accepting himself for who he was. He had stayed the remainder of the week and spent the whole time smiling at them and helicoptering around them to make sure it was real.
Dean has to admit, he is kinda glad they aren't spending the entire Christmas weekend at the Novak’s. He loves Cas and would do anything for him but his family gives him the creeps. It’s a good thing Cas doesn’t want to stay either. He found that the Winchester Christmases with movie nights, warm fires, and eggnog, much more enjoyable than “an uncomfortable, over formal Christmas dinner where the chairs are replaced with the sticks up their asses”, as Cas once put it.
He didn’t begin to feel the pinpricks of nervousness until they steered the impala into the gated neighborhood where Cas’s family lived. The tall borderline-mansion houses could be seen across the large well-trimmed yards, illuminated by professionally hung Christmas décor and outdoor spotlights.
“What did you say the address was again?” Dean asked, leaning toward where Cas sat next to him, fidgeting nervously.
“1574 Rosealee Court-” Cas sat forward pointing out the window at the house, “-That’s it, right there.”
Dean turned into the driveway, internally judging how they had lined the entire perimeter of the pavement with tiny white lights. He slowly rolled to a stop a little past halfway around the U of the driveway, pulling the keys out of the ignition. The silence replaced the loud rumble of the engine and quietly playing songs from the Christmas cassette Dean had gotten for Cas a few years back after discovering his love for the seasons music.
“You all right, sweetheart?” Dean spoke softly and slid across the bench seat to wrap an arm around Cas’s shoulder, his other hand finding Cas’s and gentle squeezing it.
“Yeah, just a little nervous.” Cas was squinting up at the house and it’s artificial Christmas feel.
“Hey, look at me,” Dean waited for Cas to turn to him, his too-blue eyes shining in the bright lights, and pressed a gentle kiss on his warm lips. “It’s going to be all right. I’m going to be here the whole time. Won’t even go for bathroom breaks.”
Cas smiled and Dean didn’t fight the grin that bubbled out of the warm feeling in his gut. He leaned forward and placed one more chaste peck on Cas’s lips before ushering him out of the car. Taking Cas’s hand in his, they made their way up to the door, ringing the doorbell and waiting for the blurry figure to appear in the beveled glass To let them in.
“CASSIE!” Gabriel shrilled as he opened the door, pulling his younger brother into a tight hug. Dean must have been staring because next Gabriel turns to him with a wide smirk. “Aww, Dean-o, is my baby brothers boy-toy feeling left out? Come’ere-” He pulled Dean into a bone-crushing embrace that left him a little light headed when the shorter man set him down back onto his feet.
“Gabriel, I didn’t expect you to be here.” Cas said, surprised.
“Well, I wasn’t going to come but when I heard Cassie was coming and bringing ‘his significant other’ I just had to make sure it was Dean here they were talking about. I am hurt that not once you mentioned to me that you two finally pulled your heads out of your asses and got together. I mean, I am your brother and-”
“Is that Castiel?” A voice said from behind.
Gabriel stepped back to reveal its owner, and it was no one other than Naomi Novak, Cas’s mother. She walked up to the door, shooing Gabriel to the side and gesturing for them both to come inside. She smiled when Dean looked at her but it didn’t reach her eyes and looked unnatural on her tight face.
She closed the door behind them and waited for them to strip off their coats, scanning their jeans and Henleys with an air of distaste. Naomi kept that smile plastered on her face, however, as she led them deeper into the house to what must be the family room.
There was a gas-lit fire burning in the large fireplace under the mantle where the TV hung, traditional Christmas music playing off one of those music channels. Cas led him over to the couch, adjusting the throw pillows to make the stiff furniture a little more comfortable. Gabriel strode in just as they got settled and splayed himself out on a white leather chair across from them.
“I’ll just be a moment. Your brothers are in the kitchen, I’ll go bring them out to say hello to you and…” Naomi looked over at Dean questioningly.
“Dean. Dean Winchester.” Dean said, finding it a little odd that Naomi couldn’t remember his name. He’s come over for barbeques and such as a friend before, perhaps she was doing it to piss off Cas.
“Yes, Dean.” She finished, the ugly smile twisting her lips again. “Oh! And I almost forgot to mention, your father decided to join us tonight as well, he is upstairs and will be down soon.”
He felt Cas squeeze his hand tighter and his face paled slightly at the mention of Chuck. Gabriel sent a worried glance their way as Naomi strutted off to the kitchen, satisfied with her work.
“It’s going to be ok, I’ll be right here.” Dean whispered and Cas nodded in reply.
Cas hated his father. Chuck left when he was 5, disappearing until he was almost 15. Naomi welcomed him back as if he was never gone, ignoring the fact that he was a broke alcoholic. Cas had a horrid few years till he got out of the house and to college where he met Dean.
Dean was studying to be an English teacher, Cas a writer. They had met one eventful evening when Dean rounded a corner too fast, running straight(haha yeah right) into Castiel in a fatal collision that ruined 2 cups of coffee and a shit ton of papers.
“So,” Gabriel said, attempting to clear the tension, “how long?”
“What?” Dean said, looking over to where the man was sprawled out in the chair.
“How long have you two been a pair?”
“Uhh,” Dean glanced over at Cas who shrugged. “You sure you wanna know?”
“It’s not like it's been going on for that long. Spill!”
Dean cleared his throat, “about four years now.”
“Ha nice try. For real now, how long?”
“He’s right, it’ll be five years next fall.” Cas stated.
Gabe’s jaw dropped as he looked between the two of them. He seemed to catch up because the next moment he was standing up and shrieking, “ WHAT! Four years! Cassie why didn’t you tell me!”
Cas cowered back into the still cushions, but thankfully, whatever was about to happen was interrupted by someone clearing their throat from the doorway. Michael stepped into the room, tailed by Lucifer and Naomi. They all walked over and settled down one the couch and the remaining chair, leaving a space for Chuck.
They ease into a shallow conversation about the rise in profits at Michael’s company. Dean tunes out, letting the sound of Michael’s money talk become background noise to his thoughts. Cas was still gripping his hand tightly, his posture ridgid as if waiting for something to pounce.
Dean rubbed his thumb gently over Cas’s knuckles in a soothing gesture, hoping to silently comfort and remind him of his support and presence. After a while, Cas did seem to relax a bit. His grip was a bit looser and he was leaning back against the couch now. Everything seemed to be going great until Chuck Novak made his way into the room and sat down on the couch where he could look directly at Cas and Dean.
Cas immediately was on alert once more and even Dean felt the hairs on his neck rise. Chuck skimmed over them with a blank expression, pausing briefly at their conjoined hands.
The thing is, Chuck 'doesn't mind the LGBTs’ as long as it’s not his son. When it comes to this, the cowardish, skittish little man Chuck appears to be takes the back seat while a stone cold, angry version takes up front. Dean has only seen that happen once before when Gabe had mentioned relationships he has had with members of the same sex before he had met Kahli, and he is not happy to be seeing it again.
Dean tries to turn his attention to the conversation. Lucifer and Michael are explaining in extraneous detail what the company's main goal is to Naomi who seems to be understanding most of it. He thinks for a second that tonight may just go ok when the conversation ends, allowing the main focus to switch to the couple.
“So,” Naomi asks, “how long have you been together.”
“Four years.” Castiel states, looking his father in the eyes as he does so.
They all look a little taken aback that the two had been together for that long without anyone knowing about it in the slightest.
“And how’s that going for you?” She says through her fake smile.
“Quite well, actually,” Dean says, “We have an apartment together in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Im a High School English teacher there. We are really happy there.”
“Are you sure?” Chuck cut in.
“What?”
“Are you ok with… you know?” Chuck said, waving his hands around like Dean was supposed to know what he was talking about.
“If he ok with what, Chuck?” Cas said, a hint of anger in his voice. “Me being asexual?”
“Honey, there is no need to get angry, we are just making sure Dean thinks it’s a fair relationship for him.” Naomi chides.
A burst of rage sparks in Dean’s chest and he can see the turmoil in Cas’s eyes as he glares at his father. How can someone speak like that about their child? About someone as amazing as Cas?
“Dean, you can’t possibly be happy in a relationship like that! People like you love sex, right?”
This isn’t the first time the comment has been thrown his way but after what they had just said to Cas, it snaps something in Dean. A tight ball of anger bubbles in his chest as he fights to keep from blowing up. He takes a deep breath and meets Chuck’s eyes.
“People like me, meaning Bisexuals?” Dean says, keeping his voice as cool as possible.
Naomi flinches at the word a bit but agrees.
“I am perfectly happy in my relationship with Cas. Contrary to your belief, bisexuals are not sex driven animals and asexuals aren't broken people who will never find love and you have to be seriously messed up to think that sex is necessary for a relationship.” Dean snaps before standing up from the couch, pulling Cas up with him. “Thanks for having us, we’ll be leaving now.”
He borderline stomps to the front door and helps Cas with his coat before donning his own and they head out to the impala. He starts the car, blasting the heat and driving off in silence. They are just pulling out of the suburb area when he hears a sniffle from Cas. Dean instantly pulls the car over and flicks on his hazards before slinging across the bench seat.
Dean opens his arms and Cas slides over and buries his face in Dean’s chest, his fingers twisting up in the back of Dean’s coat as a sob slips out. Followed by another, and another until Cas is clinging to Dean, crying into his coat as Dean gently runs his hands up and down Cas’s back, whispering soft affirmations between kisses into Cas’s hair.
When Cas’s breathing evens out, he leans back from Dean, wiping at his red eyes and nose with his sleeve.
“M’sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for, sunshine. Hey, how about we go to that festival we saw driving in, hmm?”
Cas nodded and buckled back into his seat while Dean buckled his own and pulled back on the road. He turned up the volume as I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas began to play. Dean smiled as he thought back to the first snow of the season. It was early November when the weather took a dip.
Cas’s cheeks were rosy and he kept wiping his nose, the cold air making their breath come out in small puffs while they trudged their way up the hill, dragging the plastic sled behind them.
When they reached the top, Dean pushed the sled down into the snow and plopped into the back of the bright orange contraption, planting his feet to make sure it wouldn't slide before they were ready. Cas straddled in front of Dean before sitting down and falling back against Dean’s chest, putting his feet in the front of the sled and trying to make enough room for Dean’s with the thick snow pants on.
Dean wrapped his arms around the front of Cas to grab the thin rope used to steer the thing, Cas grabbed a hold too, smiling in anticipation. Dean scootched forward and the sled barely moved an inch. Cas laughed and began scooching in sync with Dean and before they knew it, Dean had his feet up in the front of the sled with Cas and they rocketed down the hill, whooping and laughing all the way down.
The thought helped ease some of the emotions swirling in his stomach as they drove into town. Knowing how much Cas loves it, despite his insistence on the opposite, Dean begins singing along to the song.
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.”
Dean looked over at Cas and gave him a smile before continuing.
“ Where the tree-tops glisten,
And children listen,
To hear, sleigh bells in the snow.”
He hears Cas clear his throat and join in on the next line.
“I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
“With every Christmas card I write
“May your days be merry and bright
“And may all your Christmases be white”
Cas laid his hand palm up in the middle of the seat and Dean took it, lifting it up to his face and dropping a kiss to his knuckles before singing the next lines.
“I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
“With every Christmas card I write
“May your days be merry and bright
“And may all your Christmases be white
“May your days be merry and bright
“And may all your Christmases be white”
The song ended just as they pulled into the lot. There weren't many people here, but that’s perfect for them tonight. The soft colored lights and sweet smells of the carnival made the night seem warmer than the frigid temperature it actually was.
Dean reached over the seat and came back with some hats and gloves for him, mittens for Cas. He put his on, waiting for Cas to do the same before they got out of the car and held hands as they made their way to the small ticket booth by the entrance. Dean handed over some cash and took his tickets with a ‘thanks’ before making his way towards the rides.
“Ooo let’s go get some hot chocolate.” Dean said, pulling Cas over to the warm, coca scented tent and ordering two cups.
The heat from the paper cup could be felt through Dean’s glove as he walked, taking careful sips to not burn his tongue on the too-hot chocolate.
“Dean, can we go on the ferris wheel?” Cas asked, gesturing towards the white metal ride with red and orange lights making spirals along the beams.
“Sure, why not.”
They went up to the lady sitting by the control panel and handed her the required amount of tickets for the ride and stepped into the carriage. Dean watched Cas from his side of the car, watching how Cas looked out the window, wiping the glass when his breath fogs it up too much to see out of. He feels a small smile tug at the corner of his lips when Cas turns and meets his eyes.
“Dean,” Cas starts.
“Yeah?”
“Does it bother you? My asexuality?” Cas said, looking down at the floor.
“Of course not Cas! I love you. I don’t need sex to love you. And it’s not like we’ve never had sex, just not frequently, and I am ok with that. I love you and love to spend time with you and that’s what matters to me.” Dean says softly, leaning forwards across the narrow aisle to take Cas’s hands in his.
What did Dean do to get someone like Cas? Someone so caring and compassionate, so smart and creative, so… Cas.
“Castiel James Novak, my sex indiferent asexual boyfriend and best friend, I love you so much. More than pie, more than Baby, hell, more than anything. Any day I spend with you is a good day. You are the kindest, smartest, most caring person I know and I’ll be damned to let some asshole make you think that you could ever not be loved.”
There were tears flowing down Cas’s cheeks and Dean wiped them away with his thumbs before pulling Cas in for a caste kiss, and another, and again. He peppered Cas’s forehead, cheeks, nose, and lips with soft kisses before pressing his lips firmly but softly to Cas’s warm, slightly chapped ones.
Cas let his tongue flick out on Dean’s bottom lip and taking full advantage of the opening Dean’s gasp gives to dive deeper into his mouth with his tongue. Dean gives as much as he gets, trying to push as much of his love into one single kiss as humanly possible.
When they break away, both panting slightly, their car is stopped at the top of the Ferris wheel. They look out the small windows at the town and its rows of light adorned houses.
“It’s beautiful.” Cas sighs.
“Not as beautiful as you.” Dean replies.
“Aww getting all sappy, Dean?” Cas chuckles.
“No- I- No-” Cas cuts Dean off by pressing another kiss to his lips.
They break apart in fits of laughter, their car shaking as they laugh and laugh and laugh. They only stop once the wheel begins moving again but when they get off, they both have bright smiles on their faces.
The smiles stay the rest of the night and all the way home as they sing Christmas songs on the ride home all the way to the moment they strip out of their winter clothes and get ready for bed, curling under the soft covers in each other's arms.
“I love you.” Dean whispers as he tetters on the verge of sleep and just as he tumbles over, he hears Cas say back, “I love you, too.”
~~~~~~(Feel free to ask to be added to the tag list)~~~~~~
@kinda-not-really-vibing
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hiii first of all i love the way you write!!! love love love and i was thinking could you do something about eddie being a flower shop owner and richie a music store owner?? Like eddie is all flowery and soft and richie is A Punk but with the sweetest smile and their stores are in front of one another, they see eachother all the time but they don't know how to interact!!!! xx
first of all thank you so much ❤️
aND OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS
so eddie’s working at the cute floral store downtown where his cousin linda used to work at but now she moved to nyc and recommended eddie,,, her 19 year old cousin to the boss and voalá! eddie’s so cute and cuddly so immediately he got the job!!!!
and richie works at the music store opposite. his story of getting the job wasnt so ‘cute and cuddly’ see he got kicked out of his condo ,,, fired from kfc AND dumped by his girlfriend so he’s bunking at his buddy’s tommy’s place who works at the cd store and one day he was like hey! we’re actually looking for a new worker so r u interested and ofc richie was and yeah.
now as we’ve got the backgrounds covered,,,, one morning eddie comes to work with a takeaway cup of latte in his hand, he’s about to start opening the door when he hears some rattling and a loud “oh, fuck me!!!”
he turns his head towards the voice and sees a boy with out of control black curly hair,, he’s wearing a yellow colored flannel and a pair of ripped black jeans and slightly broken converse and he’s on the ground picking up some cd’s that eddie now figures have fallen down from the trolley
eddie has never seen him before so he’s curious
then the guy turns his head towards eddie too and eddie flusters because ho ho holy SHIT this guy is CUTE
“how do you do” the guy just nods and eddie rushes in to the floral store too shocked to interact with this cd guy
throughout the whole day eddie keeps on glancing outside from the windows of his store while he waters the plants or something,,, trying to see more of this guy and every time he does the boy just waves at him and eddie turns his gaze away IMMEDIATELY as he blushes
richie’s not doing so well on his first week he’s constantly dropping the cd’s or spilling coffee on the table or fucking up the cash system
this may all be partly due to the fact he can’t stop staring at the floral store boy
one day they come to work at the same time,, walking on the opposite sides of the street and glancing at each other, but neither one dares to say anything
richie can’t help but SWOON over the baby pink sweater this other boy is wearing and how it’s hanging all the way down to his knees and he just looks so cute and pure??? in his beige chinos and white sneakers
meanwhile he’s probably scared of richie in his studded leather jacket and chains on his jeans
one day eddie is watering the plants by the window again, gently biting on his lip as he looks at richie outside his cd store , a cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth as he’s putting some poster on the billboard outside
“what are you looking at??”
eddie flinches and turns his head to his co-worker kate that is holding a coffee mug in her hand and then she gasps
“oH MY GOD YOU’RE DROWNING THE PLANT EDDIE!!!”
eddie looks at the vase and gasps too, turning the watering can up again,, cursing quietly as kate just grabs the plant and goes to change the dirt or whatever and eddie turns his gaze back outside,, kind of upset to see richie went back inside his store :-(
on a snowy ,, dark thursday in december richie’s walking to the evening shift and turns his gaze to the floral store just like every other day but now he sees eddie smiling to the customer and talking something ,,, then listening to whatever the customer is saying with the FRIENDLIEST little smile and then chuckling and oh fuck richie’s in love? he’s so much in love that he doesn’t realize he’s already at the store and now someone opens the door and richie doesn’t notice and the door slams straight to his face and he lets out a grunt as he slips on ice and falls to his butt on the ground
the next day eddie’s counting the cash when he looks up and sees the cd store boy,, lightly limping as he walks to his store
kaspbrak is worried is he ok???
turns out richie’s hurt his tailbone and now he needs a week’s rest
“im totally FINE tommy!!” richie says as he grimaces on his way to the kitchen to get some coffee
“richie you look like a old man that’s shat his pants”
“im FINE!” richie says, trying to straighten his back but soon letting out an ow ow ow- as tommy rushes over to him and guides him towards the couch where richie lays down
“seriously. im gonna do your shifts this week. just rest and watch jurassic park”
RICHIE JUST WANTS TO SEE THE CUTE FLORAL STORE GUY SO BAD HE MIGHT JUST CRY
but the feeling’s mutual
after the first couple of days of being confused and sad with not seeing richie, eddie finds himself basically running to work every morning hoping that today’s the day he’s finally gonna see the trashmouth cursing and kicking the trolley that won’t move but he’s never there!!!
he’s getting worried
oh my god is he dead???? he was walking weirdly what if he’s dead???
eddie’s a little nervous at work and kate notices he’s glancing at the cd store literally EVERY other second
“looking for the cute record store guy huh?” kate just casually asks as she flips the page of the magazine she’s reading and eddie flusters as he turns his head to kate
“wHAt”
“just so you know he’s not gonna come in for the rest of the week”
“????what why????”
“he hurt his tailbone because he fell.”
“he fell???” eddie frowns
“yeah i know tommy who works at the store. he said richie was distracted looking at something and so he fell”
eddie’s heart does a little jump
“richie?” he asks ,, his voice kinda soft
“yep that’s his name,” kate says and sips on her coffee
eddie just feels this weird warmth go through him as a small smile takes over his lips when he thinks of richie
on monday richie’s so fucking READY to go to work he hasn’t seen eddie all week other than inside his brain
and eddie’s practically been the only thing in there
so monday morning,, richie’s walking to work (slightly still limping but definitely not that bad anymore), he wants to go usain bolt and SPRINT but his doctor told him to take it easy so he’s gonna do that but not because the doc said so,,, only because he doesn’t wanna stay home for another week or two and not see eddie again
so eddie’s opening the store door again when he hears the sound of snow scrunching on the other side of the street and turns around ,, nearly dropping his coffee takeaway when he sees richie
richie’s heart flusters as he sees eddie and he stops at the store, both of them just staring at each other
until eddie finally speaks
“…hi”
richie almost chokes on air is that his voice??? that’s the cutest voice ever????
“,,hey” richie speaks
“where were you” eddie asks immediately regretting because oh my gOD now he knows eddie’s noticed him being gone
richie feels kinda happy??? that this cute boy has acknowledged his absence
“i had an accident”
“an accident??” eddie asks even tho he knows about it already but he decides to ask still because he kinda wants to know what richie was looking at when he fell
richie thinks whether he should go for it or not but oh my gOd flower store guy looks so adorable in his pastel pink bomber jacket and grey big wool scarf and the coffee mug in his hand and ????
“well this is kinda funny but i was looking at this cute brunette opposite the street and got hit in the face by a door” richie shrugs “and then i fell”
eddie’s tummy does a backflip and he has to bite down to his lip to stop himself from smiling ear to ear
RECORD STORE GUY THINKS HE’S CUTE??????????
“really?” he asks
“yeah.” richie says “he’s really cute. do you happen to know his name?”
eddie giggles. LITERALLY giggles
“i think his name’s eddie” he says and richie smiles evER SO SOFTLY BECAUSE EDDIE????? CUTE
“so,, eddie,” richie clears his throat “what time do you get off work?”
“six”
“!!! so do i!!!“richie lets out a laugh “you got any plans???”
(no he totally doesn’t but he’s gonna call tommy to come cover the rest of his shift)
“yeah” eddie says and richie’s smile fades because the grey cloud of disappointment falls over his lanky frame now
“with this super ridiculously hot record store guy,, we’re going out for pizza”
and now richie could do a backflip
ridiculously super hot????!?!??
he’s smirking so wide his face might tear up soon
“really??? how hot is he again???”
eddie chuckles
“really hot.” he says
if somehow possible,, the smirk on richie’s face widens even MORE
until he lets out a kind of raspy laugh and glances down at the ground
eddie could pass out from the sound of his laugh
and then ,,, cool and confident AF richie’s like
“see you at six then, eddie spaghetti”
richie mentally slaps himself for saying that outloud because that ruined the whole confident hot bad boy thing he got going on
“eddie what???” eddie asks
“nOTHING SEE YA” richie says and rushes in
neither one of them can focus on their jobs fully that day bc they’re so excited about the date that night and they keep glancing at each other through the windows and smiling so widely at each other
richie forgets to take a customer as he’s just gazing at eddie
“uh hello???”
richie flinches back to the moment
“yES HI”
and the pizza date went great they had SUCH a fun time getting to know each other better,, laughing so much flirting so much
(richie totally guided a pizza piece to eddie’s mouth and then was like oops you got some cheese here and then softly brushed it away from the corner of eddie’s mouth with his thumb and looked at eddie’s lips for a little too long and oh GOD the tension™)
and they were just enjoying each other’s company so mUch that they then decided to ,,, well,,,
take it back to richie’s place
which isn’t actually richie’s place
it’s tommy’s
the date went a little too well if you ask him
bc he had to
…listen…
but oh well! reckless teenagers! what can you do!
so the next morning richie has a day off from work but eddie has the morning shift and OOPSIE he slept in and now it’s 11.25am and he wakes up from under richie’s arm and he doesn’t even realize/remember it at first but now he opens his eyes and sees the cute record store guy asleep without a shirt on next to him with his hair even messier than usual and he’s kinda snoring and he looks so PEACEFUL and eddie’s heart expands and he finds himself smiling at the sight
and then he looks at the clock and realizes he’s slept in
“fUCK”
he jumps up so fast he wakes up richie who just goes “??????”
“FUCK im late for work SHIT”
richie’s like wow this cute thing can curse
“i gotta go,” eddie then says
“call me?” richie asks with a pout and eddie wants to sob
“i’ve got a better idea” eddie says, pulling something out of his pocket that turns out to be a pack of bubblegum
“oh wow! silly me im forgetting my gums!! well i better come fetch them after work today!!”
richie has the biggest grin on his face
“bye” eddie says and leans down to kiss richie who kisses him back so passionately that eddie melts in to the kiss and almost just decides not to give a fuck and fall back to the bed
“ohHhhkay i really gotta go” he then breaths out and rushes out of the room before it’s too late
he sees richie’s roommate by the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper
and then he looks up at eddie
“moooorning”
eddie gulps
“good morning” he says before storming out of the house
once he gets to the floral store there’s sO MANY PEOPLE because it’s december 22nd and it’s almost christmas and well the holiday season is always busy
“kate oh my god i am SO sorry-” eddie blurts out as he rushes in , straight behind the counter
kate doesn’t answer anything at first and eddie feels so bad and he immediately takes the next customer
once the store is a little calmed down ,, customers just walking around kate speaks
“have fun?”
eddie turns bright red as he looks at kate
“huh???”
“you’ve got…” kate nods towards his neck and eddies eyes widen as he grabs the tiny mirror from the table and looks at his neck that’s got a HUGE hickey
“oh my god!!” he blurts out and kate smirks wide
eddie has to wrap his scarf around his neck
but he kinda likes the hickey
and he smiles to himself at the thought of going back home to richie after work
he could actually get used to it
no. he could definitely get used to it
and he will because in a couple of months they decide to move in together and its the best god i love domestic!reddie
the end💓 💕 💖 💞
@superbyersbros @xbell22 @donthateonk8@stenbroughbros@reddiebrekmyheart@itsgreywaterrichie @donvex@blueeyespurpleskies@ageorgymi@oh-youre-the-worst@eddiekaaspbraak @whipashwhipash@rissyq @richietoaster@edskasqbrak@urtury@bukiminajimu @kcutieeesblog @stansmansuris@adorefack @reddieaddict@icyeyes102@denbroughbill @graveyardshipper@taletellingsir@anxiety-freak-yuuri@rheddie@queertrashmouth @richiefreakingtozier@castletozier@tohzier @80soleff @lonewolfhard@low-key-dying @sad-synth @richietoaster @badboyharrington@beepbeep-losers@temptedtozier@kaspbraccs@kylieee827-blog @sad-synth @low-key-dying@officiallyreddie@reddietofall @stanleyboii@eternitynurarms@remushlupin@turtleneckrichie@rosegoldrichie@80srichie@asteroidbill@lonewolfhard @trashmouthgazebos @littlepointman
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Hickory & Ceres Support B + Event
In collaboration with: @anderwelt
@fe-exire
Hickory: *grumbles at being shaken, trying to swat at whatever is trying to wake him* "nooo...." *suddenly awaken by a strong push* "GAAAAH!" *wakes up and disoriented* "Wha- what?! Where am I?"
Ceres: "For a moment I thought I should get some cold water. What are you doing? Shouldn't you be done with the windows by now? Instead you sleep on my bed. Not even the couch. On my bed..." *smirks* "Did the hawk miss me that much?"
Hickory: *blushes bright red and gets up, getting a head rush in the process* "ugh- I- I was just- ummm- I th-think I came up t-to say something to you and juuuuust kinda fell asleep? Yep, that's what happened. Also I'm pretty sure I'm a Raven by the way" *looking away and just all flustered as he scratches his neck*
Ceres: "You slept in my bed, and sniffed on my pillow. And you have wings, so you are a bird. All the same for me." *pokes his cheek* "Do you want to know the body oil I am using?" *her smirk becomes wider*
Hickory: *gets redder* " N-No! Why wo-ould I?! And I was not sniffing!" *voice cracks and he covers his mouth* "I seriously need some coffee, it's too early for this!" *trying to escape downstairs to the kitchen*
Ceres: "I am not done with your punishment, you still didn't fix the windows, so you better hear me out!" *follows him and keeps laughing*
Hickory: *regretting his life choices as he goes into the kitchen and pours himself some coffee* "I'll get the windows done today!" *looks back at her come in, and notices she's all bandaged up* "..." *frowns at her and furrows his brow* "You were reckless during your mission again!”
Ceres: "Don't change the subject! Why did you walk aaaaaall the way up to my room?" *comes as close she can without him spilling the coffee*
Hickory: "No stop Ceres, you're SERIOUSLY hurt right now! I'm surprised you're not in a hospital, but knowing you. You'd probably escape from it, wouldn't you?" *shaking his head* "I'm pretty sure it won't kill you to be careful, it's kinda the point of the whole thing!"
Ceres: "Oh come on. The blood is already dry, I wanted to take a shower but there was a certain someone in my room!"
Hickory: "That's not the point! You could have died! I mean, if you won't be careful for yourself. At LEAST be careful for Sammy! I mean if you die, what would happen to her?! She'd be all alone! And who knows what else!" *puts his coffee down so he doesn't drop it*
Ceres: *sighs* "I won't die. Nothing kills me. I am the strongest! Stop making it sound like I am someone weak who needs to be protected!"
Hickory: "I'm not saying you need to be protected, I'm saying you should be CAREFUL. There's a difference. And you may be strong, but you're no god. All it takes is a well-place shot or stab and you're done." *looks at her wounds* "I just don't want you or Sammy getting hurt if it can be helped."
Ceres: "Well... I can't argue with that. Nobody wants my baby to be sad, especially me. You got a point."
Hickory: "Thank you..." *sighs and picks up his coffee* "Losing someone, especially when so young, can really ruin a person..." *looks into his coffee then drinks, kinda burning his tongue a bit*
Ceres: "I never lost one, because I never had someone to lose to begin with, so you are one of them huh? Were your parents good people?"
Hickory: *nods* "Yes they were, I mean they were workaholics. Tried their best to provide for us... But still, good people. When we lost them... It really was hard for us... Even if they left a lot of material things for us behind, mentally we just couldn't take it well..."
Ceres: "You mean like money?"
Hickory: *looks at Ceres confused* "Wha? Uh yeah, they left us money, but we didn't care about that. Kinda too busy grieving. Wasn't much anyways. Just enough to cover some costs and the such."
Ceres: "Hmm... well. At least that. Some place to sleep, some money for food or maybe clothes for a cold winter. They were good people."
Hickory: *nods* "Yeah, but now you brought it up, if you don't mind me asking. What happened to Sammy's dad?"
Ceres: "He is a good man, but sadly not good at bonding with things that die before him. But he has Sam every month for a week!"
Hickory: *whips his head to her in shock, smacking himself with his hair* "WHAT?! YOU??? Without Sammy, you must be joking~" *laughs* "I thought you'd die before you'd ever separate from her. That week must be killer." *smiles smugly*
Ceres: "Oh I am ok. In the week, Sam is off I hit on everything to lose some stress, you know? It's not easy for me to always keep myself that low on everything ~"
Hickory: *confused* "You hit on everything? Gods, you have no implus-" *the meaning hits him and his face gets all red again* "O-OOOhhh.... uh- r-right..."
Ceres: "I am a mother after all, I work all day and the rest of the time I am here for my daughter. Of course, I have needs too."
Hickory: "R-Right, u-uh of course... um I think I should probably- uh you know-! Work on the windows! yep! THAT!" *quickly exits the kitchen*
Ceres: *watches him leave* "For someone sucking on my pillow he is really prude..." *mumbles*
[End of B Support]
[Event: Feralia]
Sam: "Hickory seems nervous? Why?"
Hickory: "Huh? Oh, it's just when I flew to get you I got a little too excited, so that's why I look nervous. But no worries, I'll be fine in a moment. What about you, you feel okay?" *checking her for injuries*
Sam: "Sam is not hurt. Don't lie to Sam." *something in her aura changes* "Mama says, when someone lies to them, they belittle them."
Hickory: *sighs and pinches his nose, then looks at Sam* "I'm not belittling you, I just don't want you to be scared on a day like this. It was supposed to be a fun day." *looks back to where Ceres would be with the kids that tried to hurt Sam, debates with himself whether he should say anything before taking a deep breath* "When I flew to get you, it was to get you before some kids were planning to hurt you. It scared me to see you almost get hurt... Also, your mom scares me when she's mad."
Sam: "Sam understands. But better you don't lie anymore to Sam. Sam dislikes it the most."
Hickory: *nods* "I promise, I won't lie anymore. I'm sorry. Here, this was for later, but I think right now isn't too bad." *pulls out a cute box decorated with flowers with a collection of small wooden toys* "I made these for you." *inside is a big and little bunny doll, a white dragon doll, a black dragon doll, and a pink dog doll* "Do you like them?"
Sam: "Sam likes it." *nods, looks at every one of the toys closely* "Which one of them is Hickory?"
Hickory: "Huh? oh I didn't think you'd want one of me." *chuckles, scratching his chin with his finger* "Since you don't see me all that much."
Sam: "Sam sees Papa, Father, Mama and who is the pink dog?"
Hickory: "Oh that's Pulch- Wait... Papa AND Father???" *extremely confused*
Ceres: "I am back. Oh, what's that?" *sits between Hickory and Sam, pushing them away from each other* "What's going on you two?"
Hickory: "Gah!" *falls over then sits back up* "Was that REALLY necessary?!" *grumbles*
Ceres: "You are too old for her." *pouts*
Hickory: *almost chokes on his own breath* "WHAT EXACTLY do you take me for????" *looks really offended and gets up* "I'm going to go get myself some food!..." *walks off, away from Ceres*
[End of Event 2]
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Multiverse Overload
It seems unreasonable to think I was finishing up Nightmares & Dreamscapes yesterday morning and a little over 24 hours later I am back, having just finished one of King’s longest novels, Insomnia, in one cycle of sleep. But here I am. Let’s get into it.
I suppose I wasn’t kidding that I was ready for a novel but I didn’t realize how hungry for this story it was. Or maybe call it boredom - 3 day weekends with 95+ degree temperatures don’t lend themselves to my pasty irish ass spending any time anywhere other than the couch.
I knew little of this story headed in. Actually a little embarrassed to say I thought it somehow related to the Christopher Nolan movie of the same name. Once I cracked the spine and read the teaser copy, I knew this was not true. Also, I was worried. Really, really worried. Exhibit A:
Ralph Roberts is seeing some strange happenings in Derry, Maine.
He sees auras around human beings that show him the horror threatening them.
He sees a nice young research chemist like Ed Deepneau turn into a savage wife beater.
He sees Charlie Pickering with blood in his eyes and a gleaming knife in his hand.
And he sees three little bald doctors in the homes of the dying - and he begins to suspect who they really are.
No wonder Ralph stays awake all night. You would too.
INSOMNIA
“JFC, if I’m stepping into another Tommyknockers I’m going to scream” I said to the cat, who was chasing a bug around the hotel room and has no fucking clue what the Tommyknockers are. Little bald men. Aliens for sure, right?
Well I was, thankfully, wrong in my assumptions. Making an ass outta u & me, or however that old saying goes. I’ve complained before about whoever is responsible for writing these teasers, deceiving readers into believing that Gerald’s Game was a spooky bedtime story, Pet Sematary scared King himself, or that Insomnia is about a dude with, well, insomnia.
In reality, this book is as close to a Dark Tower book as it could get without actually being one. I’d rack it against The Talisman in Dark Tower adjacency, and although not as an enthralling tale as The Tailsman, a good chapter in the mythology all the same.
Ralph Roberts, a senior citizen residing in our favorite vacation destination, Derry, Maine, loses his wife to cancer and spills into a depression as one would do when your companion of 45 years is snuffed out of the living. What begins as minor bouts of insomnia quickly evolves into an inability to catch more than 2 hours a night. As someone who has suffered from depression-induced insomnia and sleep paralysis, a terrifying phenomenon I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, I feel for Ralph. Sleep deprivation is no joke, even if you’re awake watching Arrested Development for the 400th time at 3am. Ralph’s understandably exhausted, and assumes his mind is going when he starts seeing brightly colored auras surrounding humans, objects, street lights, you name it.
(Side story: Once I went on a date with a guy who - after I expressed discomfort in discussing the difference between irony and paradox 5 minutes into our first date - told me I had an unclean aura. I told him to go fuck himself (certainly something someone who’s aura is a little dirty would say) and he gathered his coat and left without a word. Anytime someone mentions auras I can’t help think of this guy - do you think he ever found a gal with a nice looking aura and the ability to discern the difference between irony and paradox? We will never know.)
In any case, Ralph does find himself a lady by the name of Lois, who in fact, does have a real pretty aura. And turns out she’s caught the insomnia and can see the auras too, along with other things that most humans can’t process. Turns out insomnia in Derry can flip a switch to entering worlds that aren’t our own.
Without going too far down the rabbit hole that is the plot of this novel (which squarely lies in the top ten of longest King tomes - say that 10x fast), Ralph and Lois team up on a quest against evil, as so many of King’s protagonists do. I was obviously committed to learning how it ended as I stayed up past my bedtime last night and reached for my paperback copy before I had even poured myself a cup of coffee this morning.
The key conflict in Derry of 1994 revolves around a war between pro-lifers and pro-choicers over a feminist speaking in town about women’s rights. Probably the hardest part of this story to swallow - the realization that 25 years later we’re still having the same argument in America with similar violent and tragic results.
This book is not without it’s faults - King called it “stiff & trying too hard” which is pretty accurate. It is way too long. It reads like a first draft that probably needed a stronger editor hand (or two or three) before publication that it just did not get. King’s ability to paint a picture in your mind is, as always, on point; but the writing describing the aural states seem to clog up the storytelling every ten pages or so. The initial painting of these ethereal halos was beautiful; after the 15th or so description they were just in the way. The use of italics for dialogue was distracting; I had to work to keep my eyes from skimming to the dialogue lines and ignoring the rest of the text on the page.
But it also had so many of my favorite things. For one, the connections to other King stories was strong in this one. Like when I am watching Castle Rock, it makes me feel like an insider to notice the little things that connect King’s worlds together. Like a hipster that listens to a band “before they were cool” - don’t you hate those people? Yeah me too. But here we are.
Derry, and all it’s history covered in depth in the pages of IT is rehashed here. We have mentions of the sewers, the Black Spot Fire, the post-Pennywise storm of 1985. The darkness that hangs over this town lingers, even though we were hoping that the Loser’s Club vanquished the darkness in the mid 80s.
Because something else dark is connected to Derry. The Dark Tower lore sits squarely and open here; we see Roland in children’s drawings and travel between worlds like in The Drawing of The Three. We also are introduced to The Crimson King; the guardian of The Dark Tower, Roland’s adversary and ruler of the highest level. He appears here in our world first as Ralph’s dead mother then as a catfish. I mean, IT was a clown living in a macroverse created by a barfing turtle, so I guess that all makes sense. We also learn Ralph and Lois’s quest is to save a young boy named Patrick Danville, who we’re told is very important in the land-o-the-tower. God, I can’t wait to get to the fourth Dark Tower book.
Other than the obvious references to IT and the DT books, we get a quick mention of the untimely death of Gage Creed in Ludlow. There is also a mention of “Aunt Sadie” in Dallas, and my mind wandered to lovely Sadie Dunhill of 11/22/63. I don’t know if King had the foresight (or the initial manuscript) to reference a character that wouldn’t hit the bookstores for another 17 years, but if so, Bravo Mr. King. Bravo.
By far my favorite photo of King that I’ve randomly stumbled upon on the internet.
My remaining questions are really around the nature of Derry - how can Pennywise and The Crimson King exist (in whatever universe) in or around Derry, without bumping into each other? Why so much evil in this one little town? Are they somehow connected? Are they the same person? Like my friend that claimed my aura needed a good washing, we may never know.
7/10
First Line: No one - least of all Dr. Litchfield - came right out and told Ralph Roberts that his wife was going to die, but there came a time when Ralph understood without needing to be told.
Last Line: And she saw, the long white scar on his right forearm was gone.
Adaptations:
None to speak of - another one of King’s works that’s been discussed in depth but never pushed into any kind of actionable development. All the best I think - a movie version could very easily veer into LSD trip territory.
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Ahhh the ask box is open!! How about the boys finding out their s/o is pregnant?? Thanks!!
Hey non I hope you like this! It went on quite long and I had to add some little bits because I couldn’t resist. Also Trigger Warning for: Pregnancy, birth, and mentions of periods.
Prompto
You found out you were pregnant on a Friday, staying home from work because Prompto had found you throwing up in the toilet as you tried to get ready for work. He ran around the house, picking up blankets, drinks, and snacks, before leading you to the settee and wrapping you up in front of the TV with your phone nearby ‘just in case you need me’.Prompto was so endlessly sweet and as you snuggled down you thought it was a good thing you weren’t on your period yet, since you were way due, and being on and being unwell would suc- holyfuckamIpregnant? Bolting up and fighting down a wave of nausea you do the maths, you’re about three weeks overdue. Throwing yourself in to the bedroom you pull out the small box from the back of your junk drawer.The pregnancy test is quick and simple, and the 'yes’ is crystal clear.You’re pregnant.Your phone sits on the couch and you send Prompto a quick 'babe can u come home pls?’ and start alternating between pacing and sitting down biting your nails in anticipation.“I’m home ______.” He calls as he comes through, making a beeline for you where you’re sat down, “Yikes babe, I’m glad you got me to come back, you look really pale.” Prompto places a hand on your forehead checking your temperature as he talks.He’s going to be a great dad, you think.You hold out the stick with a smile, “I’m pregnant, Prompto…” He looks between you and the stick, wide eyed and open mouthed. “You’re gonna be a daddy.”He breaks in to a massive grin then, hands waving in the air as he stumbles over his words, gesturing between you, your stomach, the test, and himself.“I-You-We’re-A dad?!” He grabs your face in his hands and plants a kiss on your lips. “We’re gonna be the best parents EVER!”Pregnancy headcannon:He fusses over you, but doesn’t try to stop you doing anythingSo.Many. Pictures. You could make a flip book of your growing stomach, oh no wait he’s already done that.You paint the baby room together, a chocobo yellow, and he buys a chocobo for the cribHe has his moments of doubt, worrying about how he might be as a parent since his biological and foster parents weren’t great, but you hush him and put his hand on your belly when the baby kicks and tell him they love him already.Gladio
You were nervous. After finding out you were pregnant you kept trying to find the opportune moment to tell gladio you’re pregnant but bail at the last second.
You don’t even know why you’re nervous, you know he’d be a great dad.It’s just so scary! Not to mention the damn hormones.So you’re dropping hints that you’re pregnant.“What do you think of the name Ilaya?”“It’s nice.” And you curse him as you sit watching TV and he’s so casual about the 'what do you think of the name’ thing you’re doing. He jokingly asks what you think of the name 'Grobble’ and you about burn him with the glare you send at the back of his head.So the next day when you’re out shopping you pass by some baby outfits in the chocobo festival section of the clothes store and you coo over them, resisting the urge to buy every single thing in sight, especially the baby moogle onesie with wings. Of course you slip it in your basket when he’s not looking, except when it goes through the register and in to the bag he’s looking at the latest 'Hiking and Hauling’ magazine, completely missing it go through completely.God I’m a coward, you think.That night you’re curled up together watching a nature documentary on Anaks and there’s one that’s really fat.Except it’s not fat, is it?The droll voice of the narrator fades in to the background as you watch the terrifying spectacle that is birth begin. Legs coming out of places…. Oh god what is that fluid even…. Did it just poop??.. How is it even coming out…“You ok babe?”You’re not breathing normal, you know that and you turn to him and wheeze out, “What the fuck?”He frowns, “What?”You gesture to the TV, “Gladdy…. What the fuck?”“It’s birth, babe, you’ve seen this before… You’re really panicking, it’s almost like-” He stops mid sentence, looking at the Anak with another smaller Anak coming out of it, changing the channel quickly. “You’re pregnant?!”You nod and you can’t help the tears spilling from your eyes because hormones and freaking out and finally he gets it!He pulls you in to his arms, pressing kisses to your hair, “It won’t be like that I promise.” He laughs, “Are you an Anak?”“…No.”“Do we live in the wild?”“Sometimes…” You sniffle and he laughs.“Fair point, but I promise, I’m gonna take good care of you.”You look up at him from his chest and wrap your arms aound him.“And you’re gonna be a dad.” Your smile is a little bit wobbly but with happy tears now, and it pulls at his heart to hear you say those words.“Yeah… I’m gonna be a dad.”Pregnancy headcannon:He is a planner, he has your hospital bag ready and next to the door when you’re about 30 weeks because he’s always preparedHe finds the best birthing class and is there at every single one, holding your hand and hyping you up, you can do this!He pulls out a box of old books that are ones he saved and loved from his and Iris’ childhood, painting a pristine, small white bookshelf for the baby room and stocking it full of classicsThat moogle onesie? He adores it.Noct
You’re away on Royal business, and being a Queen is taking its toll: You’re tired, cranky, moody, and have the worst cravings because of all the travelling.But it is with regret that you tell Noct you’ll have to finish the tour early, and let him finish the last week alone. He’s hesitant to let you go home alone, but you tell him he has to finish this and you’re right, he does.So when you go home and after three days you’re feeling no better you go to the doctor, who tells you you’re pregnant, and since you’re a VIP sets you up with a scan that day. You take the scan home in its small card, overjoyed but sad you couldn’t share that moment with Noct, but start cooking up creative ways to tell him you’re pregnant.You go to bed early, leaving the card with the scan picture in and a notepad of ideas on the table, curling up lonely in your bed.But then after shutting your eyes for what feels like seconds, there are warm arms sliding around you, and you feel that familiar scratch of beard on your shoulder.“You’re pregnant?” His hand slides down to your stomach and you can hear the joy and wonder in his tone.“Yeah,” you whisper in to the quiet night.He places a light kiss on your neck before burying his head in your neck and you can feel him smiling against your skin. “I can’t believe it.”“Really? That’s what happens when you’re planning for a baby.”“No I mean I can’t believe you were going to tell me by putting a bun in the oven.” He laughs in to your neck, “You’re so corny, I love you.”Bonus:The apartment is dark when he walks in, and it’s quite late so he’s not surprised you’re in bed. He tosses down his travel bag on the settee in the living room when he spots it. A small card and a notepad with your scrawl across it.Lit only by the moon he picks up the card and opens it, eyebrows raising for a moment. He sees your name on the side, and a due date.“I’m going to be a dad.” The words are whispered in wonderment and he holds the picture close, after looking at the image long enough to know he needs you to point out where the baby actually is. He peeks down at the list and holds back a laugh but smiles because the list is so you. “______ you nerd.”Pregnancy headcannon:He’s absolutely nervous but so attentive, waiting on your call for anything you needHe loves rubbing your belly, but also gives the best massages to aching joints and swelling anklesHe has to tell all of his friends the next day and invites them over, of course he directs them to the oven and asks them what’s in it.Nerd.Ignis
You’ve been moody.At times you’ve been a little upset at small things; like the advert with the kid and the sad song, it had you in absolute tears.You were a lot more tired recently, often asleep on the settee before he got home.And… your breasts were a little bigger.It was the breasts that made him stop and think for a moment. Ignis watched from the kitchen table, coffee in hand, as you struggled with the buttons of your blouse. They weren’t coming together at the button just between your breasts and you were getting rapidly and increasingly frustrated. He watched, with some fear and amazement, as you were becoming more angry by the moment, until it disappeared completely, to be replaced by tears.He was by your side in an instant pulling you close.“There there it’s all right.” He was becoming more and more certain you could be pregnant as your tears subsided and you said,“I know it’s silly, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”He rubbed his hands up and down your arms slowly, “Darling, I think maybe it’s time to pee on a stick, as they say.”“Uh… What?”“I think it’s possible you may be pregnant ______.”You step back and laugh, “What? No, why would, I mean, yea ok we’ve been, but that-” You stopped, and took a deep breath. “Ok I’ll get the stick.”Thankfully you had one from the last time you had you were late and bought several just in case. Popping the cap on the test you flushed the toilet and stepped out to where Ignis stood leaning against the door.“Are you alright?” He asks cautiously.“Yeah, I think so. I mean, we’re good right, like really good.”“Of course.”“And you said you were ready a while back, are you still… you know?”“Ready to be a dad?”“Yeah.”“Yes,” Damn he didn’t even need to think, and he looks more hopeful by the second and you feel a stirring of giddiness, “But, of course, I’ll support you whatever you decide.”“I think I want this, this feels good?”“It feels nice.” He says with a nod.The room falls silent as you both ponder the future and wonder how much things will change (or not) in the next minute.“Are you ready?” You ask holding up the test, fist clenched over the result.“Who can say, but together? Yes.”He holds your hand as the other unclasps slowly from around the result viewer.“We’re going to be parents…” Your heart skips and Ignis looks down at you with tears in his eyes, “Iggy don’t cry!”He pulls you in to his arms and buries his face in to your neck, “I promise, I’ll be a good father.”“Ignis, you’ll be the best.”Pregnancy Headcanon:He comes up with new recipeehs, making nutritious foods perfect for an expecting mother.He’s super soppy about it both in private and in front of others and is immensely proud.He makes sure he’s with you when it matters most, and ensures he doesn’t go too far just in case you need him.Often you’ll find him just watching you from across the room, he thinks you look so beautiful, and that you practically glow.
#ffxv#ff15#final fantasy 15#final fantasy xv#ff15 imagines#ffxv imagines#Anonymous#prompto argentum#ignis stupeo scientia#gladiolus amicitia#noctis lucis caelum
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[MF] Pieces (Before He goes)
I hated to do it. But he had grabbed his chest and spewed. So I threw him in the back of the car. That’s what happened. I took him to the hospital. He hated those measures, and I understand that. But I had duties. He had been grinding his teeth and muttering he was never scared, never, never scared. This was on the couch. And he was smiling and wincing.
So I had to take him. I had to.
Call it what you want.
But I'm a son. That’s something you have to understand. That’s not a fact I can just float over.
#
I gave him to the nurse, wheelchair, and all.
The nurse asked me if he was crazy.
I said, He’s old.
Then the nurse asked me if I was crazy.
I said, You need to help him.
Other words were exchanged. Nothing remarkable. Nothing worth repeating.
But the nurse told him, You’re going to have to lie down.
I interjected with, You don’t understand. You’ve got the wrong kind of guy.
You need to leave, is what I was told. Please sir, go out to the lobby and fill out all the proper forms. We’ll take care of him now. But we may need you to go home.
He doesn’t just lie down, I said on my way out. So, take care. He’s not of the kind to just lie down. That’s not him. That's triangles in cylinders with him.
#
Here’s something. It’s older. But it’s about us. And "Us" includes me and mom, and (only in a minor way) Salome the sister.
As you heard, he was a horrible cook. But that’s true if we’re talking about lunch and dinner. He didn’t get it.
But breakfast was his specialty. And Saturday's were his days.
He used to fix up three eggs sunny side up, four strips of bacon, and two waffles. So its been said, the waffles were from a family recipe he tweaked three times over the course of his life.
He always cooked the eggs and bacon with butter and olive oil. But sometimes he wouldn’t just stop with the waffles. On his best days, he would go on and toast a piece of white bread. Then he would spread hummus on the top and then slide the eggs over it.
Maybe mom and Salome didn’t like the combination. So they left their pieces to him and me.
But that was fine. That was for the best. Because he understood me. He always added a pinch of salt on the yellow bulb for the both of us. Sometimes he used pepper. But all the time he included a dab of siracha.
Yeah, he got me.
And my method of eating was to always puncture the yellow bulb first and let the yolk soak the bread of the next piece.
He said I had the right idea. So he would join . He would smile while he'd follow suit.
When I ate in a hurry, I felt he understood that too. He smiled through his black wool beard. The beard can hide many things. But it couldn’t hide that.
Mom would always say don’t eat like your father. Salome would double down and call me a pig.
But he would tell them, Let a boy eat. Let a son grow. He'll learn. But let him eat.
Those mornings were never disturbed.
He didn’t take the calls or the texts. Mom made Salome abandoned the phone in her room. Salome made sure the same went for me. But we were all concerned with our private business of eating at the table in peace. Him and mom made sure of that. We sat in the sun-flushed dining room and I always had the good, cold milk with ice. For him, coffee, cream no sugar. For mom, espresso, cream and lots of it. For Salome, tea, straight up.
No one said much of anything. And that was more than enough.
But there came one day where he really did something.
New oil and new butter. He had discovered some new store somewhere and indulged. What he bought there, I couldn’t tell you. If he had found and used new spices or new recipes, I couldn’t say much about that either.
But he made something special.
He had assembled on the dining table eggs, waffles, bacon, pancakes - the basics. That was half the table. Milk and orange juice were lined down the center. But then it was chopped potatoes, oatmeal, hash browns, mashed potatoes. That occupied the rest. of it.
It wasn’t anything we hadn’t eaten before. But the taste of it - the spices, the softness – in a word, it was delectable. But in truth, it was the taste that a rich man would kill for.
Mom asked him, How?
To this, he said, I wanted to be happy. I wanted to try.
#
So it goes and more often than not, he made that kind of breakfast for all of us, himself included.
Morning after morning, we ate good. He woke up early, took care of everything. He even cleaned the dishes, before and after, and I supposed that feat alone surprised mom the most.
We ate in furies. And our greasy smiles, I suppose, is what he found himself addicted to.
But there comes another day, a follow up that occurs on the table and mom went and said, There are consequences you know, to all this grease.
But he told mom, You have to let yourself be happy from time to time. From time to time, you have to try.
But mom said, The heart isn’t built for grease like this. Not for eggs and bacon and whatnot everyday.
And he said, Just let it be good. Because it is good. What time we have - the good time - it won't stay.
Then one thing and another, and Mom let him feel agreed with. But I think we all agreed in some way. We agreed and got stuffed again and got sleepy.
And like always, dad had a smoke on the porch after the breakfast. He sat on the lawn chair and kicked his feet up on the balustrade. He was smoking and watching the crows and wiping his chin from the grease and the ashes. I walked up to him, I remember that. I asked him if he was going to become a chef. Then I told him that I wanted to cook good like him.
But he mumbled, Crows talk too much.
He wasn’t looking at me when he said it. Then he went and said something else. Crows always talk too goddamn much.
#
The nurse and doctor wheeled him out of the lobby to the curb I was sitting on.
For over an hour, I had been going back and forth, watching one guy who was wheezing on one end and another who looked like he was dead on his feet on the other.
But now there was this.
He was pale and quiet now. His eyes were dark. But he wasn’t shaking anymore.
I bent down to get a look at his eyes, smile at him, ask him how he was holding up. But he just looked away.
What’s been done, is what I said to those in charge.
And the doctor went and said something about blood pressure and heart rates, plaque, arteries, build up, this and that and whatnot.
I was then given a prescription. Then I was handed a list of sanctioned foods and penalties. Particular concern was given to butter and beer.
I said, Well, what’s the man supposed to live on?
The doctor said, Not from bread. That’s for sure.
Well, one needs to make considerations, I said.
He said, We all have to make our changes.
Changes, I blurted out. for some reason. For some reason I then said, You're not just asking for changes, you understand? You understand that? You're not just asking for changes from me. This, all this. This list. This fucking list. Don't you get that this is all on me? All these changes. Don't you get it? This is - this is my - this my dad. This is mine.
#
I have one last thing to give.
I was twelve or thirteen when it happened. This was during what I know now as the long spat. Mom was smoking all the time and she was out all the time. So was Salome. She was always gone.
So it was me and him in the house. Me and him.
So here it goes:
I was sitting on the couch in the den watching something about spies, guns, and car chases when he lumbered in from the kitchen.
He was grumbling and sipping a beer. His hands were covered in ashes.
He moved toward me. He stumbled over his own boots. Then he stumbled over the ottoman. This lead to him tripping over the Persian rug, but he didn’t fall over, no. He grabbed the ledge of the mantle just in time and balanced himself.
He stood before me. He was poised, you know, like a monolith. He eclipsed the TV. So I was suddenly put inside his shadow.
He glared at me. But his eyes were reddened and glassy and wet. They looked like they’d be broken. He looked like he was taking a mid-break from doing a lot of crying.
His chin trembled.
His teeth chattered in a weird way.
But he had words in him. Anyone could have seen that. And he tried to get it out, you know, but there was too much piled in his throat.
It just wouldn’t get release. He just couldn’t get it said. Whatever he had in him got trapped in his gut or his lungs.
So, what he does is drink down the rest of his beer. Then he tossed the bottle my way.
Still, he doesn't talk. But he stepped upon the coffee table and peered down at me. I could smell him. He smelled like a bar. He smelled like lemons and spilled liquor.
He stepped down from the coffee table and then sat next to me.
My dad: The now big-gutted, sentimental drunk.
He said nothing as pulled me into his belly. Then he tried to weep. Then he proceeded to slumber right then and there on top of me. He drooled all over me. But I could feel his heart pulse from his gut. That’s the first time I knew the rhythm was off. The strange beats from my father.
Four then a sudden stop. Three, then a sputtering two. Five hard ones, then five quick, lightning ones.
My father’s odd song.
That was him. Things were happening inside of him. New developments. Pro-found changes - changes of which I could not understand. And perhaps, yet and still, I don’t.
FIN
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