yknow. i’m actually not romance repulsed. i just think i was so uncomfortable with the idea of someone wanting something i can’t give. i want to love someone forever with undying devotion and engrave their likeness into marble. and i will. have. often. is it romantic? probably not. not based on what i’ve heard about what it’s supposed to feel like, physically and emotionally.

i think as long as whoever was into me in that way knew that my feelings were adjacent but not exactly matching, and they were cool with that, that i would be alright with being romantically or sexually desired.

i still have complicated feelings about sex, but that’s less about identity. i do think i’m not sex repulsed, either. it’s weird realizing these things, using other aroace experiences to try to understand my own and understanding that my story of self understanding is my own.