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ordinaryschmuck · 3 years

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What I Thought About "Through The Looking Glass Ruins" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck! I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons!

When Disney announced episode titles/synopsis for the new season (On a day that left my head SPINNING!), there was one episode that I knew deep down that would cause controversy and discourse amongst the fandom. And that episode was "Through the Looking Glass Ruins." Not because it would be bad, far from it. Instead, because the episode was a Gus episode with a Lumity subplot, that meant that discourse would start as fans decide which story they prefer more. A situation that, might I add, would result in no winners.

Do you prefer the Lumity plotline? Well, guess what! You're a racist who chose to talk about an overrated ship rather than a heavily underrated character who just so happens to be a person of color.

Do you prefer Gus' plotline? Well, guess what! You're a homophobe who decided to shine a light on a character who's underrated for a reason instead of praising a ship that just so happens to involve two girls.

Either side you pick is going to result in making people mad. The only way to avoid that is by explaining in heavy detail that you still enjoyed one side despite preferring the other. Even if you loved both, you'll most certainly have to explain to everyone that you mean it and that you're neither racist nor homophobic. And all I have to say is this: F that.

F that S in the A right now.

Because I, or anybody else for that matter, shouldn't have to explain myself when it comes to saying why I prefer one plot line or the other. I shouldn't have to prevent getting ripped apart by some bulls**t, black and white mentality of people who can't accept that others like a show for different reasons than they do.

You wanna know what I think about "Through the Looking Glass Ruins?" Well, continue reading to find out. You'll have to make your way through spoilers, but it's the only way for you to learn why I consider this episode not worth any discourse that I'm already certain is cropping up.

Now, let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

The Opening Scene: I'm kind of digging how snappy and to the point these opening scenes are getting. In the span of what has to be less than a minute, we're given all the information we need to know: Gus is insecure about his illusion magic because he accidentally got Willow injured. It's a great way of setting up why Gus wants to prove himself to the Glandus students and a great way of showing how much Willow's friendship means to him. Look at how he's reacting a few days after the incident. He's still mopey and guilty about it, and I feel bad for the little guy.

Gus in General: And while we're already talking about him, let's give this episode a round of applause for giving Gus the spotlight without having him screw over his friends...except for Willow.

"Through the Looking Glass Ruins" really fleshes Gus out much more so than past episodes. As I said, it plays heavily into his own insecurities while proving how he's capable as an illusionist. He's also the best possible outlet to explore more about what illusionist magic can really do. It can't hurt anybody or work well in a fight. Instead, its strengths lie in the act of convincingly tricking others into thinking that something that should be fake is actually real. And Gus got to prove he really is a super witch because of his illusions through a jaw-dropping scene that's as dark as it was enthralling. The fact that he did it all by himself, without the help of an illusion elder who was right there, is honestly even more impressive. A lot of people aren't that interested in Gus as a character, but I feel like, after this episode, he certainly won a few more fans over.

Willow Getting Injured and Missing the Episode: This is a smart move, in my opinion. Willow acts as the voice of reason in the friend group, so if she tagged along with Luz and Gus right away, she would have easily talked Gus out of joining the Glandus kids on a dangerous quest. I love Willow, she's a solid character, but writing her out is really the only way the plot could have progressed.

(I also love that she wasn't mad in the slightest over Gus getting her hurt. She has every right to be, but she also understands that it was an accident, and Gus wouldn't do anything to purposefully hurt her. And that's sweet!)

King’s Prerecorded Message for Gus: That's just adorable. We need more cute friendship moments between these two, DAMN IT!

Gus Being Sick of Luz’s S**t: Of all the characters I expected to get sick of the whole Lumity situation, Gus wasn't really one of them. I'd always thought it'd be Willow, primarily because the rest of the fandom latched onto that idea, but for Gus, I'd figured he'd be more supportive rather than annoyed. That being said, seeing him call Luz out for borrowing his library card to see Amity (Not ask her out. Just to see her) is not only a hilarious moment for Gus but also an adorable moment for Luz. It's something I would never have seen coming, but now that I have it, I want more. GIVE ME MORE!

(Sorry if I'm being a little intense)

Luz Trying to Cheer Up Gus: It's moments like this that prove why Luz is my favorite character.

Willow might have the most common sense out of the group, but it's Luz who still has the biggest heart. She knows her friend is down in the dumps, so Luz pulls out all the stops in cheering him up. Whether it's researching the first-ever human (really surprised he wasn't the tiniest bit excited about that, by the way) and lending him glyphs for his mission to help show up Mattholomule. She may be slow in the romantic relationship department, but episodes like this prove that she excels with a platonic friendship.

Bria: I consider Amar adorably optimistic, and I have no strong feelings for Gavin, one or the other. But with Bria? Holy hell, did the writers do everything they should with her!

At first, it seems like she'll be a generic nice girl for Gus to have a crush on. Only for that writing to be a perfect twist into how she's kind of the worst. You see hints of her true personality in the overly sweet way she threatens to force Amar to eat a bug he gets distracted by. A viewer's initial reaction to that would be to think that while she's sweet, she still means business. But no, it's actually a perfect way to reveal her true intentions while hiding them at the same time. Bria may be rotten to the core, but with how perfectly executed this twist was, I can't help but adore her contribution.

Mattholomule: ...I would sooner expect to have gone insane before believing that this little s**t weasel would make his way onto my good side. Despite that, here we are in episode five of the new season, and I like Mattholomule now.

The reveal that Glandus High forces students to believe that the strong survive and the weak are inferior explains so much for Mattholomule's thirst for power in "Something Ventured, Someone Framed." It doesn't excuse his actions, not by a long shot, but it definitely paints a clearer picture. It also explains his treatment of Gus, as well as Mattholomule's reasoning to help him. Because of Glandus High inserting a "the strong survive" mentality into Mattholomule, he belittles Gus due to thinking that illusion magic makes Gus weak. But after seeing how they're both stooges to Bria's mistreatment, he's quick to apologize and willingly helps Gus out. In the process, the two of them create a believable and cute friendship...a friendship that is absolutely going to be interpreted as something else by the fandom...which is something that I'm more than supportive of--HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! I WENT FROM ONE OF THE BIGGEST GUSTOLOMULE DENIERS TO ONE OF ITS SUPPORTERS IN LESS THAN A DAY! HOW DO THESE WRITERS MANAGE TO TAKE ELEMENTS THAT WERE ONCE ON MY S**T LIST TO THEN MAKING ME MORE THAN OK WITH THEM!

IT'S INSANE!

Mostly impressive.

BUT ALSO INSANE!

Edric and Emira: More so than ever, I am so happy that the writers took their course correction with Edric and Emira. These two work so much better as supporting characters rather than minor antagonists like several fans thought they would be after their treatment of Amity in "Lost in Language." They're quick to pick up on Luz and Amity's mutual affections for one another and do their part to help their friend and baby sister out. It's wholesome to watch, and, you know what, I'm gonna go ahead and say it: Edric and Emira Blight are much better mischievous twin characters than Fred and George Weasley. As much as I adore Fred and George, there is an issue how they're always referred to as Fred and George, not Fred or George. It's because their personalities are as identical as they are, so separating them is pointless. With Edric and Emira, they have enough individuality that you could enjoy them separately as much as you could seeing them together. Emira is more emotionally supportive in how she listens to Amity vent her frustrations about her feelings, while Edric is more of a doofus who can't take a hint to save his life. It creates a great set of characters who can potentially work well on their own. I hope they get explored more at some point, but for now, I'm happy with the cute moments these two offered already.

Lumity Moments: BUUUUUUUUUUUUT, nothing compares to the cuteness of these two.

I don't care if I'll be called a racist for it because these! Moments! These moments are the highlights of "Through the Looking Glass Ruins" for me! Seeing these two interact in this episode, now that the pining is mutual, was everything I could have ever hoped for, and so much more. Seriously, how can you complain about anything about all of this when you get cute bits like:

Luz getting flustered of seeing Amity with her hair down

Amity risking her job to help Luz

Amity being motivated to find the diary due to the possibility of a date with Luz in the human realm

Luz going through hell and back to get Amity her job back

All of the blushing

And that F**KING KISS AT THE END HOLY SH--Don't you dare think I'm not going to further discuss that. DON'T YOU DARE!

Gus' story was entertaining with how it surprised me in all the right ways, don't get me wrong. But seeing Luz and Amity's relationship develop more and more always fills my heart with glee that, believe it or not, I'm always going to remember it more. I love you, Gus, but I love Lumity more.

Philip Whittabeen: So we finally have a name to the alleged human who was here years ago, and we get properly introduced to him through a really visually appealing animation change. I'm personally curious to see where the writers go with him, but it's too early to say if his inclusion will be worth something. But I will say one thing, though. One thing, and then I'm going to move on.

Here it is:

Philip sounds eerily similar to Emperor Belos to me.

That is all I'm going to say about that.

Luz’s Sentences in Spanish: I want to give a personal shout-out to mi buen amigo @l-egionaire for pointing this out because there are some things to analyze in what Luz says in Spanish in this episode. Knowing what she means, it's clear that they are ideals that Camila instilled into Luz. Ideals that possibly show a lot about Camila's personality on top of revealing where Luz got her hopeful optimism and sense of determination. It's the second sentence that Luz says later on that I really want to delve deep into:

"Nada funcionará a menos que lo haga funcionar."

Translated, that means "Nothing will work unless you make it work." Again, this proves the dedication that Luz has filled into her soul, but to me, it says a lot about Luz's dedication to Amity. She wants to make this relationship work but fully understands that it won't unless she puts in the effort. It's a sweet sentiment that says so much about how Luz feels about Amity that some fans might not be able to pick up on if they don't speak Spanish. Or, in my case, have a good friend who finds the translation for you (thanks again @l-egionaire).

The Galderstones: Pretty interesting concept, I'm not going to lie. It's also interesting that of all the types of witches in the Boiling Isles, it was illusionists who were the ones that guard over the Galderstones. Because illusion magic can't really harm anyone, it makes a weird type of sense that they would be the ones to keep the Galderstones out of the wrong hands. And, even better, it showcases Gus' strength as an illusionist when he was able to take down Bria, who was hopped up on Galderstone power, through that same "harmless" magic. It just goes to show that if you have a big enough brain, you don't need to overpower somebody. You need to outthink them.

Malphus Being a Surprisingly Cool Dude: What can I say? I'm a sucker for expectation subversion.

Luz and Amity Crying: First of all, a HUGE round of applause to VAs Sarah-Nicole Robles and Mae Whitman through their vocal performances in this scene! They really sold how upset and broken apart Luz and Amity were due to their feelings for each other messing things up. More so with Sarah-Nicole.

Second, this might be the closest these two have gotten to a confession so far ("so far" being the keyword). I specifically latch onto Amity's expression after hearing Luz agree that she's always weird around Amity. In one way, it looks like Amity is surprised to see she made Luz cry, but in another, it could be that she realizes that perhaps that Luz has feelings for her as well. Or, at least, that's how I interpreted things. The thing about art is that there's no one interpretation to agree on. And that's what this scene is: Art. It's performed, written, and animated well, that no matter how you look at it, it's a masterpiece.

“I’ll call the hounds”: One line. One line was all it took for me to love the Keeper of the Looking Glass Graveyard.

Amity Dyes her Hair: I always assumed that Amity would let her original hair color grow out as defiance to Odalia. But dying it lavender? Thus crafting her own identity without having her be compared to either Odalia or Alador?

...yeah, that's brilliant. Whoever thought of that, you are a genius and deserve all of the credit that comes from it.

ALL of the credit.

Amity Kisses Luz on the Cheek!: I'll save my "Wha-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" for an actual kiss, but for now, THIS IS AWESOME!

This moment, much like other Lumity moments, was everything I could have ever expected and so much more:

Amity's instant panic after realizing she seriously just did that

Ed and Em looking fondly at their sister taking such a big step

The look on Luz's face, which may or may not hint that she realizes that the feelings are more than mutual

And the fact that Luz's legs give out soon after Amity leaves

It was adorable as all forms of hell, and it was a perfect way to end such a perfect episode...or, at least, an almost perfect episode. I do have some issues.

WHAT I DISLIKED

Mattholomule Helping Gus too Easily: The Glandus kids were right there, in-ear and eye-shot, yet did nothing as Mattholomule effortlessly helped Gus and the Keeper escape...how?

Gavin falling for Gus’ Illusion: I want to laugh at how stupidly easy that was...but it's too stupidly easy for me to forgive.

And that’s about it. Just two nitpicks that don’t really take away that much enjoyment from the episode

IN CONCLUSION

"Through the Looking Glass Ruins" keeps Season Two's winning streak going by being another solid A. It fleshes out characters, develops cute relationships, and keeps the story going despite being so character-driven. It's easily more than worth the time...but it's not worth any discourse that comes from some fans preferring one plot over the other.

I highly doubt that some people are racist for loving the Lumity plotline or homophobic for loving Gus'. Maybe some people are, but also consider that maybe, just maybe, a person loves a ship because it's their favorite, or a person likes a character cause he's their favorite.

Which.

Is.

Fine.

There's no definitive way to like a series, and demanding that people like it for the same reasons you do is not worth anything. Because, believe it or not, even Dana Terrace doesn't care how people love her show. In the AMA she did, when a fan asked if she's upset about fans obsessing over Amity's crush on Luz, this is her word for word reaction:

"Not at all! No, the main focus of the series will never be on any romantic thread but that doesn't mean those threads aren't important. And I'm thrilled that people connect to our characters!"

THERE YOU HAVE IT! The creator herself fully admits that she doesn't care what fans latch onto. She's just glad to have people who like the show in the first place! So don't create discourse just because some people enjoy a part of an episode more than others. The second you get that through your heads, the sooner we can all move on with our lives.

(Also, that's five episodes in a row that are hits. And, man, is that stinker going to hit harder because of it.)

#the owl house #the owl house season two #the owl house reviews #gus porter #mattolomule #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #edric and emira #edric blight #emira blight #what i thought about

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mysticpetals · 3 years

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Farewell, sunshine

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Jake × f!mc (Syianne)

𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: angst, a sprinkle of fluff

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 4.9k (oof)

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: All Jake ever wanted was to find his sister and protect the person who had helped him more than anyone. Only, he slowly began to realise that bringing Syianne into this had caused more harm than good.

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: mentions of blood, physical attack, violence, hospitals, medical coma, panic attack.

𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙨: Anonymous asked: 5. “Wake up! Please wake up.” MC and Jake finally get to meet for the first time, but everything is heavily dipped in angst. 😂 Also I adore your writing and keep up the good work!

Anonymous asked: Can you give us the most angsty jealous filled over protective short with Jake x MC i want all the ANGST to be seeping out of my screen

@mnrangera asked: Here's a nice angsty scenario for you: MC is in Duskwood continuing their investigation but is caught out in town after dark. They are on the phone with Jake when they are attacked by the Man Without a Face like Jessie was.

𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: I know this has been LOOOOONG overdue and I apologise for the wait. Thank you to all my followers for being patient, especially those who sent the requests in. I hope the long wait is worth it and you enjoy it. Also, please read the warnings before proceeding, I don't want any of you to be triggered by something I wrote. There may be inaccuracies in how I progressed medical conditions and general working of the hospitals so I apologise for that. Please do not repost or translate this fic anywhere else!! I'm literally begging you, please don't ruin my hard work like this. I would love if I could get some sort of feedback, whether it be reblogs or comments or just anon asks. I've tried to improve my writing and I hope it shows a little in this. This is my Christmas and New Year present all wrapped in one! I hope you all have a great 2021 <3

It was a cold, winter evening with the sky painted in a plethora of warm colors and Jake felt like finally things were going his way.

He, along with Syianne, had been working tirelessly for the past few weeks to find out what happened to Hannah. They had faced a lot of challenges along the way, with cryptic diary entries and threats directed towards them and their loved ones, but still, they'd prevailed and spent every ounce of free time, getting more information about Hannah's perpetrator.

They finally had the facts about what happened the day she was kidnapped and only the identity of the criminal was hidden. Syianne had suggested that she should go to Duskwood to try and find the last puzzle piece, to which Jake had been a little apprehensive. She argued that the rest of the group had already been through enough, with getting stalked and receiving threats and insisted that she should be the one to carry out her search in secret.

She never once asked for him to come along because she knew how dangerous it would be for him and she didn't want him to get caught. Jake was instantly warmed by the thought that someone cared so much about him, to think of his well being first.

So that night, as she called him to update him on her findings and plan after she went to Duskwood, he found himself speaking his thoughts impulsively.

"What if I came too?"

There was silence on the other end and Jake thought he might have overstepped or made it weird but she answered before he could stammer an apology.

"I'd like that. But only if you're comfortable and safe."

She told him to ruminate on it for a while and bid him goodnight. Jake thought about whether it was a logical thing to do. If Syianne planned to go undercover, he couldn't very well let her go into the lion's den alone. So he made up his mind and texted Syianne to let her know.

Jake [10:46 pm]

I'll come to Duskwood too.

Is it okay if we don't meet straight away?

I...I don't think I'm ready yet.

Syianne [10:47 pm]

I was lowkey hoping you'd say that ahaha

And of course! Take as much time as you need :)

That night, he slept with a smile on his face, excitement churning in his stomach.

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

Syianne was looking forward to her trip to Duskwood.

She knew it was a potentially dangerous situation and she was only going there to investigate but knowing that Jake might be there too, sent a spark of thrill through her body. They had been speaking non-stop for the past few weeks and she really liked talking to him. His answers to questions about him or his life were adorably confusing and Syianne realized that she really wanted to get to know him, be his friend or possibly something more, if their flirty banter was anything to go by.

Her bag contained all the essentials she could need, along with a sketchbook and pencils to use in case of boredom. She couldn't leave Matrix with any of her friends as they were either busy or allergic to cats so her only option was to take her along.

She had never booked a flight so fast. Knowing she would have to take a car from the airport to the rest of the way to Duskwood did nothing to damper her excitement. She couldn't wait to meet everyone once they found Hannah, some more so than the others.

The trip was nothing eventful, just a lot of travelling and it made Syianne a little tired but the idea of meeting her friends and finally putting a stop to all this madness, made her keep going. She wouldn't admit it if you asked her but she was looking forward to possibly seeing Jake as well. She knew he might not be comfortable enough to meet her yet and she completely respected that, but the thought still lingered.

She checked in to the only hotel Duskwood had, not meeting the receptionist's - Lilly's - eyes and was eternally grateful that she had only leaked her number and not her photo in that video. It would have been much more difficult to move about Duskwood, if that were the case.

The room they had was pretty basic, but not too bad for a few nights. Matrix prowled around the room, getting herself comfortable in the new environment while Syianne slowly unpacked the few clothes and necessities she brought.

In the corner of her mind, there was the thought that Jake might be staying at this hotel too and that sent a shiver of excitement down her spine. But she was a woman of her word and would wait until Jake was ready and would not try to look for him.

She had a mission here and she wanted to be damn sure that that's what she would be focusing on and save Hannah.

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

Jake was supposed to be in Duskwood about two nights ago.

He had encountered some issues with removing his tracks from the internet, as well as trying to find a safe way to drive to Duskwood without exposing himself. Working as a hacker did have some benefits and finally he managed to find a guy who made him three fake number plates that he would interchange every once in a while, so his whereabouts couldn't be traced.

He had let Syianne know of the unexpected delay but to his surprise, she was enjoying herself in Duskwood. She had told him that Jessy gave her a virtual tour of the town once and she was excited to explore all those places in person. She talked to him at night, describing the beauty of the small town and Jake felt himself growing wistful, wondering what they could do together if he had been there. But then again, hadn't he said that he wouldn't show himself right now? He was cautious - just as he had been all his life - but something about Syianne just made him want to let his guard down, to just be selfish for once.

He had no time to think further on it because finally, all the preparations and precautionary measures were done and he could drive to Duskwood. He couldn't leave Glitch at home because he had attachment issues and couldn't go without Jake for a long period of time. So he ushered him into his carrier and told him he could claw all the wood he wanted when they reached their destination and Glitch meowed in agreement. He had always been a smart cat, after all.

Changing the number plates every hour was exhausting, especially when he didn't do much manual work but he endured it, if it meant he was one step closer to finding his sister.

When he finally reached Duskwood, he was in awe of how normal it looked, how silent; how someone who didn't know that a girl had been kidnapped would think of this place as the perfect getaway. But he knew better, didn't he? This town held dark secrets, secrets that people weren't willing to acknowledge and he was going to expose them for what they were, no matter what it took.

Signing into the Duskwood hotel was as awkward as he imagined it to be, his half sister having no idea who he was and looking at his dark, baggy clothes suspiciously. He wasn't blaming her, he would have probably done the same if a strange man came out of nowhere to stay in Duskwood of all places. Lilly gave him a tight smile as he picked up his bag and key and made way to his room.

Syianne had texted him earlier that day that she would be checking out the lake in the evening, where Jessy was attacked. Jake was against it from the start but he should have known how stubborn she could be and eventually, he had to agree but only on the condition that she stays on video call with him the whole time. Syianne was evidently bewildered by his request, judging by the way she kept writing and erasing her reply but after a while, she managed to ask if he would be comfortable with that. Jake's heart warmed at her considerate words, never really having anyone who would care about his emotions, he was always surprised when Syianne said something like that. He replied that he would just turn off his camera or point it at the lamp or something but he had to be sure about her safety.

And that's why, he was sitting with his phone in front of him in the evening, camera turned off as he watched her fondly, pointing out the strange birds she saw.

"Ah, I wish you were here! The lake is so pretty this time and the light from sunset is reflecting off the water and it makes an amazing view," she said, voice breathy with the exertion of walking for a while and a tone of awe towards the scene in front of her.

"That's sufficient sightseeing, don't you think?" Her voice suddenly took a serious note and Jake straightened up in his chair. He was afraid but couldn't say anything. He had already agreed to let her go with a condition and he feared if he asked her to not investigate, she would probably end the call and keep looking for clues by herself. At least on the phone, he could look at her surroundings and made sure no one sneaked up on her.

"If you say so," he said half-heartedly, glancing at the surroundings behind her as she narrowed her eyes at his dismissive tone.

The next twenty minutes were spent with Syianne looking around the lake and Jake looking over her shoulder virtually. She had scouted the edge and went a little deeper into the forest, looking for a car, a boat, a mask - anything, really - but the search had proved to be futile so far. Everything was as peaceful as ever, no signs of any disturbance and it made Jake a little antsy. Nothing was ever this perfect.

"Well, since we can't find anything here, I think you should come back. It's getting late," Jake said, looking at the already darkened sky. It was an ominous red color and Jake was getting more and more worried as people left the lakeside.

Syianne frowned but didn't argue and that made him sigh in relief.

"Yeah, you're right. No use trying to find something that isn't there," she said and started walking again.

"Wait, you walked here? Didn't you bring your car?" Jake asked and she shook her head.

"Nope, I wanted to enjoy Duskwood and being in a car wouldn't have helped," she smiled at the camera and Jake let out an almost inaudible sigh. Why couldn't she care about her safety a little more? She was going to give him grey hair before he reached his thirties, that was for sure.

As he began to reply to her, he caught movement from the left side of the screen and instantly grabbed his phone, expanding the background.

There was a silhouette of a hand.

"Syianne, run!" He shouted, as the figure's arm came into view and she looked back in surprise before starting to sprint, the camera shaking from her movements.

Jake scrambled to get his car keys, not bothering with what he was wearing and ran towards the hotel parking, getting into his car and connecting the GPS to his phone, all the while listening to Syianne's panting breaths as she ran away from the man without a face.

Getting her location was no problem for him and he just hoped he would arrive there on time.

"Jake, I'm scared. I'm hiding behind a big building and I think he went on ahead," she whispered, voice shaky and trembling and Jake's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as he glanced over at his phone to watch her looking around herself in a panic.

Five more minutes and he would reach her location. Jake had never been more thankful that Duskwood was a small town and the hotel wasn't so far away from the lake.

"I'm coming, Syianne. Just a little while more and we'll go back together."

"Okay, I think I'm safe for now," she said. There was a sound of slow careful footsteps as Syianne came out from behind the building.

The abrupt sound of a gasp almost made him lose control of the steering wheel and he increased his speed as he heard what sounded like a scuffle. Syianne had probably dropped her phone because it only showed the dark sky and sounds of her struggling against her attacker.

"No! Let–"

Jake let out a harsh breath, jaw tightening as he heard Syianne's scream. He drove straight for a bit and turned the next corner and saw the man trying once again to restrain her. His eyes saw red and he honked and honked like it was nobody's business, speeding towards them.

The man without a face seemed to have realised that someone was coming to help as he pushed Syianne roughly into the wall and ran away towards the forest. As much as Jake wanted to go after him, Syianne was his first priority and he quickly got out of the car, dashing towards her crumpled form, lying on the ground.

He fumbled with his phone, calling the local police and asking for an ambulance, his body shaking all the while, as he knelt down next to Syianne.

He felt tears welling in her eyes as he looked at her battered form and realised that she was bleeding.

"Syianne?" He spoke in a scared voice.

"Syianne!" He said more forcefully, repeatedly patting her face in hope she'll look at him but her eyes were still glassy and unfocused as if she couldn't comprehend anything.

"I'm...so sorry. I…" her voice trailed off as she struggled to breathe and Jake cried, seeing her in so much pain, when he couldn't do anything except wait for the ambulance to arrive.

After a moment, Syianne's eyes fluttered closed and Jake's panic rose to new heights.

"No, no, no! Wake up! Please wake up!" He shouted and begged but she didn't respond to his calls.

His hand was soaked in her blood from where he was applying pressure on the wound at her side. The blood hadn't stopped flowing and Jake was worried that she was losing too much, too soon.

"What do I do? What do I do?" He muttered to himself, adrenaline coursing through his veins, with only one thought in his head – to save her.

He heard sirens in the distance and was relieved to know that help was coming. He pushed up the fallen hood of his jacket up on his head and looked at Syianne for any signs of consciousness. Her breaths were shallow and eyes still closed.

Soon enough, paramedics rushed to the scene and immediately started tending to Syianne's wounds. Jake felt as if he was just a spectator, not being able to do anything but watch. Someone came up to him and started asking him questions, about how he found her, who he was to her and if he knew anything about the attack. He answered all the questions as carefully as he could, giving a fake name, because he still wasn't sure if the police department was in league with the kidnapper or not.

As soon as he was done with the questioning, a paramedic approached him, letting him know that they were taking Syianne to the hospital and he would have to come there for a bit of paperwork. Jake hesitated and said he'd drive there in his own car and the paramedic nodded in response and left.

He got in his car and put his head in his hands, shaking at the unfortunate turn of events. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Syianne was just going to check out the lake and then surprise her friends the next day by telling them she'd be here for a few days and enjoy Duskwood together.

Jake was even thinking of meeting her in person and telling her that she had changed his life for the better. But his cowardice, his meticulous nature to not let anyone know who he was or where he was might have cost Syianne her life tonight. Even thinking about it had tears pooling in his eyes and he took a deep breath to bite back the sobs that were threatening to break once again.

He felt guilty, so so guilty and couldn't bring himself to start the car. He was pretty sure that if – no when – Syianne woke up, she would want nothing to do with the man who put her life in danger. With that thought rooted in his mind, he opened his phone and with trembling hands, sent Jessy a text about Syianne's accident. He received a reply almost immediately.

Jessy [8:46 pm]

What?

How did she come here?

You know what? If she's not okay, I'm going to hunt you down and make you pay.

Jake had no trouble believing she was telling the truth. All he wanted to do was help and now everything was falling apart. Taking a deep but shaky breath, he started the car but instead of going to the hospital, he turned towards the hotel.

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

Jessy had no trouble believing that the hacker was telling the truth. His texts were frantic and he practically begged her to go to the hospital to see Syianne. She had no idea how she got here, but hearing that she got attacked, just like she was, was enough to make her worry and drive to the hospital, after letting Cleo know. She figured that the rest of them deserved to know too.

She rushed to the front desk, breathless and worried, and one of the nurses told Jessy that the doctors were with Syianne and she'd have to wait until they were done to know how she was.

After some time of relentless pacing, Cleo arrived and Jessy filled her in on everything that the hacker told her, which wasn't much, but it gave them a good idea of what had happened. Cleo said that she hadn't told anyone else yet and that they should do so as soon as the doctors had an update on Syianne's condition.

About an hour later, a nurse came upto Jessy and Cleo, asking if they knew Syianne and upon their confirmation, led them to the room she was kept in. They weren't allowed to enter yet as the doctors were still in the room, but Jessy gasped when she saw Syianne's scratched up face, with bandages covering her head.

"Oh my gosh." Cleo breathed and Jessy felt a rush of sorrow as she averted her eyes.

The doctors after completing their examination, told them that Syianne was stabbed in the side but luckily it didn't puncture anything important and they closed up the wound to allow it to heal. What was more concerning, was the fact that she was hit on the back of her head.

"She most likely suffered from a concussion, in which case, it is of the utmost importance that the patient doesn't fall asleep," the doctor said and Jessy and Cleo looked at each other uneasily.

"But Syianne fell asleep…" Jessy began and the doctor gave her an apologetic smile.

"That's right. She was unconscious when she was brought here. The superficial wounds are taken care of, we just don't know when she'll wake up."

Both of them were too stunned to say anything and a call for the doctor from one of the nurses broke them out of their stupor.

"So, she's in a coma?" Cleo asked.

The doctor hesitated before answering.

"Essentially, yes. But we can't know for sure without further observation. If the injury isn't severe she'll wake up soon, we just have to monitor her constantly and look for any changes." He then walked off when his pager went off, most likely to see another patient.

"Don't worry, Jessy. She'll wake up soon," Cleo said, placing a hand on her shoulder, as they looked into Syianne's room, seeing her sleeping peacefully, as if nothing was wrong and she was just taking a nap.

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

As soon as she got home from the hospital, Jessy sent out a row of furious texts to the hacker, clouded by her anger and hopelessness. In her head, it was all his fault that Syianne was twittering between life and death. He was the one who asked her to come to Duskwood without letting any of them know, which caused her to be in such a terrible condition.

Everything was crumbling.

They were a tight knit group, always there for each other but when did it turn into a nightmare, Jessy didn't know. Emotion overtook her and she suddenly collapsed against the wall, keeping a hand on her mouth to muffle her sobs, and cried.

She cried for Hannah, who she had no idea whether she was alive or not. She cried for Syianne, who had become such a great friend to her. Most importantly, she cried for her relationship with everyone, that was slowly but surely, withering away.

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

Jake had been pacing in his hotel room ever since getting back, waiting on a word from Jessy. Glitch watched him with big eyes, as he stubbed his on the bedside and cursed. Sighing in defeat, Jake realised that it won't do any good to worry himself to death, but that didn't mean that his mind didn't drift off to the earlier scene.

Syianne lying on the ground. Blood pooled around her.

He shook his head in frustration, trying to get that image out of his head but to no success. Glitch, sensing that something was wrong, strolled towards him, rubbing and purring against his legs. Jake softened at seeing his efforts to calm him and he picked Glitch up, moving to lay down on the bed. He petted him, smiling at the way the cat burrowed himself further against Jake, curling his tail around his wrist.

After a few peaceful moments of cuddling, Jake's phone lit up with a text, which had him scrambling to grab it from the bedside. Glitch meowed in protest but Jake was too wound up to notice.

Jessy [10:25 pm]

She's in a coma

They don't know when she'll wake up

Jake felt all breath leave him as he read Jessy's text. He didn't know what to think, what to do, what he could do. Jessy didn't give him a chance to respond.

Jessy [10:26 pm]

Don't contact any of us ever again

I don't want to find Hannah this way…which leads to everyone else getting hurt

Please leave Syianne out of this

Saying her mind, Jessy went offline again. Jake took a shaky breath, trying to ground himself. Syianne might never make up.

No, he told himself.

He couldn't think like that. He knew she'd wake up, it might take a little time but she will. Because if she didn't, Jake wouldn't be able to live with himself.

He got another text from Lilly, saying she was sorry that it happened but he couldn't bring himself to write back. His mind was empty, body numb to everything around him and he was cursing himself for being so careless.

If he hadn't been so selfish, if only he didn't put all of this on her, if he had just reached on time, if, if, if.

That's all he thought of, as tears continuously trailed down his cheeks, an arm covering his eyes, the only thing on his mind being Syianne, just as it had been ever since he started talking to her.

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

The next day, Jake found himself holding a large flower bouquet and walking to Duskwood hospital's reception. He was trembling, scared out of his mind but he just had to see Syianne. So, he had braved his anxiety and was now standing in front of the receptionist, who looked at the abnormally large bouquet in his hands and raised an eyebrow. He cleared his throat.

"I'm here to see Syianne King, she was admitted here yesterday."

The receptionist's gaze sharpened as she looked him over and he partially hid behind the flowers.

"Only family members are allowed to visit," she spoke slowly and Jake bit his lip in frustration.

"I'm her fiance," he said and before the surprised receptionist could say anything, he continued, "I drove here as soon as I got the call but they wouldn't tell me what happened. Only that Syianne had been in an accident and I needed to get here as soon as I could and I—" he cut himself off, shuffling nervously and wiping away the tears that had managed to escape from his eyes.

The receptionist softened, seeing his genuine sorrow and care for his fiance and warmed her voice.

"Of course, I'm sorry for what happened. She's in room 309, third floor. The elevator is down the hall," she pointed and Jake thanked her profusely before walking ahead.

Him being Syianne's fiance might have been fake but everything he had felt was the truth and he felt overwhelmed now that he was here. Should he see her? Did he even deserve to see her after he put her in danger? Thoughts like this plagued his mind all the way to Syianne's room and they only stopped when he saw '309' written in bold letters on a grey coloured door.

His breath stuttered in his chest. He was second guessing his presence in the hospital, thinking whether he shouldn't have come. He stood in front of the door for about ten minutes, contemplating but when the nurses started giving him suspicious looks, he swallowed thickly and with shaky hands, opened the door.

Nothing could have prepared him for the utter despair and helplessness he felt, as he saw Syianne's motionless form on the bed, breathing as if she was just sleeping and would wake up any minute. But he knew that wasn't the truth.

She was here and it was his fault.

For the longest time, he just sat on a chair beside her bed and just looked at her. His eyes traced every injury, every bruise that was visible and he felt sick, blaming himself for letting it happen. She was still sleeping and suddenly, it just got too much.

There was too much light, too much beeping, the walls were too white, the flowers in his hands digging into his skin and he got up hastily, dropping the bouquet and backed into the furthest corner of the room.

His breath was coming in short bursts, it hurt to breath, to think, to stay upright—!

His legs gave from under him and he slid down, back against the wall, shaking hands coming up to wipe the wetness on his face.

He didn't even realise he had been crying.

His vision was a blur of dark shapes and in a distinct corner of his head that was still sane, he thought of what Syianne would have done had she been awake. He was sure she would kneel down in front of him and take his hands, running her thumbs against the back of his hands to calm him.

'Breathe slowly, Jake. Deep breaths with me, come on,' he heard her in his head and tried to slow down, breathing harshly at first but after a few minutes, his vision cleared and his breathing stabled to an acceptable rate.

His whole body shook with the sheer suddenness of the panic attack and he slowly tried to get up, holding onto the wall as a support as his gaze, once again, landed on the bed and it's occupant.

All at once, his head cleared and he knew what to do.

Snatching a sheet of paper from the notepad lying near her chart, Jake penned his thoughts, all his anguish, and his apologies on it. Not once did his hand shake as he wrote the note and not once did his mind waver from the decision he had made. At last, when he had said everything he wanted to, he put the pen down and glanced at Syianne's peaceful face.

His throat closed up but he swallowed once to make sure he didn't cry. No, Jake had no time for tears. It was his fault that this happened in the first place, so it was his responsibility that he would make it right.

He didn't know when she would wake but whenever it might be, Jake had everything he wanted to say, already written for her.

He bent down towards her and placed the softest of kisses against her forehead, knowing that it would be the only time he would ever get to do it.

She did not open her eyes and Jake stepped back with a miniscule tilt of his lips.

Yes, he would make everything right.

#duskwood #duskwood jake #everbyte duskwood #duskwood game #everbyte #jake × mc #duskwood jake × mc #jake × player #duskwood fanfic #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake × mc fanfic #viotence tw #physical attack tw #coma tw #blood tw #panic attack tw #please read the warnings carefully!!#and i hope you enjoy it ❤️

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indiaalphawhiskey · 3 years

Note

I respectfully disagree with your last post (as an author). I’ve been in this fandom for 6 years and noticed it’s a little bit toxic when it comes to certain issues that should be normal and obvious to anyone.

I don’t get the “I choose the people I want to take criticism from” part. Ok, so why posting your work on a public page for independent writers where every subscriber will be able to read it and comment on it? Just send it to the people whose opinion matters to you and have a discussion about your work with them. If you post your work on a public page made specifically for independent writers, you are automatically posting it for everyone on that site. And every person has opinions on things and feels invited to express it if that particular thing is public and comments are open (I’m talking about respectful opinions, not slurs and offending someone).

If it was only for you and the people you actually want to get feedback from then wouldn’t it be easier to create an “élite” group where you read your work and then discuss it together? Because your post sends a very negative and exclusionary message to people that are reading your work for the first time or without knowing you as an author. It really seems like you are saying “dear readers, your opinion doesn’t matter to me so unless it’s positive I don’t want to hear it because this fanfic was written for me and this list of people.” Then don’t post it. But why making people feel excluded or bad because they did something normal just because they didn’t know it wasn’t written “for them” as you said in your post. And constructive criticism is just an opinion too as long as it doesn’t contain vulgarities, you don’t have to listen to it. Other’s opinion shouldn’t change the way you feel about your work but you also shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable and bad for expressing it in a respectful way on a public page.

I know that authors on AO3 aren’t paid and that’s just for fun, but that’s what every page like AO3 is about: putting your work out there for other people to read with the possibility to express their personal opinion in a respectful way (I mean, you CAN disable the comments). Why making it public and then complaining and making other people feel bad for expressing their opinion on it? It’s not a diary or a personal Instagram profile.

So, first off, thank you for saying you respectfully disagree with me. I appreciate that you’re trying to be polite.

There are many different ways I can answer this ask, because there’s a lot to discuss here, however, I’m exhausted by this conversation and have tackled it many times before, so I’ll link things when I see fit and get straight to the point.

My question for you is this: What is the purpose of you posting negative (even though well-worded, polite, and tactful) unsolicited comments on a person’s fanfic? Why do you do it?

That’s not a rhetorical question, I really want you to think about the answer, because, for something to be called “constructive criticism” (which is specifically what we’re discussing here, versus the opposite “destructive” criticism) there has to be a point beyond just the fact that “it’s a public forum” and therefore, you feel entitled to express your opinion, whatever it may be. (That reasoning, btw, is called entitlement. No one said you weren’t allowed to have an opinion, but if you’re saying it to the author with no constructive, bettering purpose behind it, then at worst, your intent is to hurt them, which is just mean, no matter how politely you word it, and at best, you’re saying your opinions and preference take precedent over the author’s own.)

There are three reasons that I assume one can have when posting constructive criticism on work/art:

1. You want to help make them be a better writer, both now and in the future.

I, and other fellow authors, explain why this doesn’t work here and here, and there are more posts about it like this one, if you need to hear it from voices that are not from the Larry fandom (which I assume you do, since you said this is a little bit toxic here particularly.)

I encourage you to read all those posts, to get a better explanation in context, but the gist of them is this: for something to be truly constructive (synonym: helpful), the source, the timing, and the tact is key. Let me demonstrate: There is a difference between telling a friend while shopping, “I wouldn’t buy that dress, it’s not the most flattering on you,” and saying, while you’re out at a club, “Oh, that dress isn’t the most flattering on you, I wouldn’t wear it again.” -- Both are honest, worded politely, and both will achieve the same outcome: she will not wear the dress again -- but only one of them will cause undue stress, embarrassment, and self-consciousness (under the guise of being helpful), and that is all due to tact and timing. At the store, she can change into something else, and won’t assume you think she looks awful the entire day while you’re out. At the club, the damage is done, there is nothing she can do to change it, and you’ve just ruined her night.

The same goes for writing. I have seen people gracefully and willingly rewrite their entire first drafts based on astute and even harsh comments on their work, by their betas. I have never seen someone take down a fic and edit it based on a piece of constructive criticism given by a stranger on AO3. What I have seen based on that scenario, is people taking that criticism to heart and reflecting on whether or not they ever want to write again, because when they made themselves vulnerable, some people looked at it as an opportunity to ask for what would cater best to their own tastes, instead of appreciating the work as a true product of the author’s personal feelings and experiences. That results in less writers for the fandom, less content, and a whole lot of undue discouragement which is not something we want (nor is it actually constructive).

2. You want to engage the author in a deeper discussion of their work.

This is in direct answer to this part of your ask:

It really seems like you are saying “dear readers, your opinion doesn’t matter to me so unless it’s positive I don’t want to hear it because this fanfic was written for me and this list of people.”

You feel passionate (both positively and negatively) about my work? That’s lovely. I say, start a discussion with me. Ask me questions. Learn why I made those decisions. A discussion starts with an invitation to have a conversation (two ways, you say something, I say something, rinse repeat). It doesn’t start with “I didn’t like” or “This could have been better if”, and it certainly doesn’t start in a public forum, like the comments on AO3, where the writer runs the risk of looking like a defensive asshole.

But India, you say, what if I don’t have the means to have a private conversation/the writer doesn’t have tumblr/they’ve long since been inactive in the fandom? The answers are, respectively: leave a polite comment asking if they’re willing to discuss, if they are willing to discuss, leave a polite comment asking how to contact them, and if they’re no longer active, find other friends with which to discuss your feelings in private.

But India, that seems like so much work. It is, flat out. But if you really felt that strongly about something I wrote, you would make that effort to understand it. Otherwise, why not just walk away?

3. You don’t know better.

I found this part of your ask extremely interesting:

“But why making people feel excluded or bad because they did something normal just because they didn’t know it wasn’t written “for them” as you said in your post.”

The reason I found it interesting is because it means that there are people who assume that all work that is public was made for them, to suit their tastes, which is, frankly, a bizarre way to consume art. I do not go into The Louvre, look at the Mona Lisa and say “I don’t see the hype, it’s not something I would hang in my living room.” I look at it and think “What does this piece say about Da Vinci and his life? What has this brought to the world? How has this helped people/art/culture?”

(No, I am in no way comparing my talents to Da Vinci, I am not delusional. But, I don’t think my work deserves any less thought than that of a professional artist, simply because I’m an amateur and it’s on the internet and not in a gallery, and you have the superpower of anonymity.) You asked me what the point was in posting my work publicly if I didn’t want to hear every single person’s personal (negative) take on it, and the answer is this: I post what I write publicly, because I hope it helps someone. I hope my thoughts, feelings, experiences, loneliness validate someone, entertain them, help them through a tough time, bring them comfort. I post because I want to invite people to lose themselves alongside me, heal alongside me, dream alongside me.

(Notice how I said “someone” and not “everyone”. How I said “someone” and not “an élite group that discusses my work”, because yes, I do hope that my work positively impacts someone outside of my betas, my friend group. Does that mean someone can leave negative comments on my work? Yes. But should they? That’s a different question.)

I know my work won’t be a positive experience for every single person, but my goal was never to be relevant to every single person. So, my question is, if I’m not relevant to you personally -- if my work doesn’t touch you personally, heal you personally, entertain you personally, why not just walk away and find something that does? Who does your negative opinion really help? How is it constructive? What is its purpose? Why do you do it?

I will apologize for this, though: I spoke on behalf of all writers, and maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have been clear that though many writers feel this way, not all do. There are some, such as, I assume, yourself, who do view negative comments on AO3 as constructive, whether or not they are solicited, and I’m sorry to have spoken on behalf of you. However, I do still stand by this, though: it is much better to be kind than be right, and that definitely goes for comments on fic.

#concrit #writing thoughts #constructive criticism #iaw ask #iaw anonymous #iaw opinion #long post

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marshmallow-phd · 4 years

Text

Nine Little Letters

Genre: College AU, Fake Dating AU, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before AU

Inspired By: This graphic made by @rcse-tvler

Pairing: EXO x Reader

Summary: Just when you thought life was done shoving you down, it got much, much worse. After finding out that your latest crush was already in a relationship, you did what you always did when emotions ran high: you wrote a letter. Signed and sealed, you put it away with the eight other letters you’d written to past one-sided loves, never to be seen again. That is, until a mix up accidentally sends those letters out to their respective recipients and you find yourself in the middle of one confusing web of love. With fake relationships, insecurities, and revelations swirling around, things are bound to get a little messy.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11

You were walking on eggshells. Every time you turned around, you were sure you would be confronted by another past crush. The muscles in your neck were aching from constantly looking over your shoulder. The corner of your eye was haunted by cute boys ready to confront you on your deepest thoughts. For a whole day, you were able to avoid any of them. It was a nice Thursday. Then Friday came.

If you were to list the boys in an order of most to least wanting to evade, Junmyeon would be at the very top. Hence, you avoided the math building. Easy enough, you thought, since you only had one class there about twice a week. You made sure to get to Thursday’s class with only a minute or two to spare so you would have the excuse that you needed to hurry, then you hightailed it out of there to your next class. But your focus had been a little too honed in. While you were taking extra precautions to avoid your former tutor, you forgot to make good escape plans for the others.

“Hey, (y/n).”

You squeezed your eyes tight as you heard the seat across from you at the library table scrape across the thin, frayed carpet.

“I guess you know why I’m here then,” Jongdae said empathetically.

Slowly, you opened your eyes. Jongdae’s hands were folded on the table’s surface and the slightest crooked smile sat in the corner of his mouth. His hair was wet, either from a recent swim or a shower. The black strands were curled against his forehead. Smiling, he ran a hand through his hair, tiny little droplets splattering against the blonde wooden table top.

“I’m really sorry,” you mumbled, unable to hold eye contact for long.

Jongdae laughed. But it wasn’t an “at-you” kind of laugh. That was nice, at least. “I don’t know why you would be sorry. It was flattering. It's nice to be looked at as a hero, even though I didn’t really do anything.”

“High school brain tends to over exaggerate things.”

“I get that. I actually just wanted to say thank you and that it was sweet.”

“You weren’t supposed to see that.” Your go-to response these days. Like when the doctor hit your knee, it was reflex. “I left a pile of private letters out and my mom mailed them on accident. It’s like having your diary read into a microphone in front of an audience.”

Jongdae nodded. “I had a feeling. After the first few sentences, I figured I shouldn’t have gotten it, but I couldn’t stop reading. It’s been a while since someone confessed to me. Few years, actually.”

Your jaw dropped. “What? No. I can’t believe that.”

“It’s true, unfortunately.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get another confession in the future.”

“Hopefully.” He looked around aimlessly before coming back to you. “Well, I’ll see you around. It was good to see you. Again.”

“You, too.”

You breathed deeply as soon as he was gone. Okay. That one went well. Three out of four were good odds. You were hoping to get out of this with at least a “B”. If Yixing ever wrote back you could simply… not open the letter. And if you avoided the others, you’d be in the clear. Yeah, this wasn’t so bad. You were still alive, at least, and with your true identity intact.

You felt a little lighter as you went home. Funny how it could feel like the world was falling apart but the sun still shined and the breeze still blew. As you dropped your bag on your bed, you got a text.

Get online.

Oh crap. You’d forgotten about Sehun. He knew you didn’t like talking on the phone, but you could talk to him over the headset. Don’t ask what the difference was, not even your irrational mind could come up with a reason. Sitting down in your chair, you turned on your console and connected to the internet.

“There you are.”

“I’m not in the mood to play today.”

“That's fine. You don’t have to play.” He killed your character as it stood around aimlessly as if to make a point.

You rolled your eyes even though he couldn’t see it. “You are such a jerk.”

“That’s not what you said in the letter.”

“And there it is!” You couldn’t hold back the whimper echoing through the headset microphone. “I should have never done that. Writing love letters like I’m an Edwardian heroine… Because I’m not, obviously. But I don’t even know what I am instead.”

“Sad, lonely, pathetic?” There was a pause. “Yes, I said that out loud.”

You sat there, completely abashed. “Okay, I take back everything I said in that letter. You are such a jerk. I must have been hallucinating back then.”

“Don’t get so touchy,” Sehun said. “I thought about it once, too. That’s why I’d let you win every once in a while.”

“Really?” Well, that was a first. None of the others had mentioned possibly liking you back.

“Yeah, but then I thought about it some more. I like being your friend and didn’t want to experiment with that.”

And then you deflated like a bouncy castle. “I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted.”

“How about neither and I just send you the letter back?”

Okay. A compromise you could live with. And having that letter back would give you a small piece of mind. “I think I like that better.” The doorbell rang like a savior. “I got to go. But thanks for not making this a big deal.”

“Not a problem.”

You logged off and headed downstairs. Your mother, who you hadn’t realized was home, answered the door. You stayed on the staircase, out of sight but within earshot.

“Um, hi. Is (y/n) home?”

Your eyes widened and you nearly choked on the air in your throat. Chanyeol?

“I think so. (y/n)!”

Nope, nope, nope. You ran. Quietly. Like a mouse scurrying away before it could be seen by the resident cat. You went through the kitchen to the sliding glass door, opening it slowly so it didn’t make too much noise. Once through, you closed it behind you, barely hearing your mother call out for you again.

“Funny. I thought I heard her come home.”

Now what?

Your brain looked to the fence that separated your yard from your neighbor’s. That was your option. Keeping an eye on the back door, you climbed over the wooden fence, dropping down on the grass. You sat there figuring five minutes or so would be enough time for him to leave. Eyes closed, you leaned your head back against the wooden barrier. Apparently, you weren’t as brave as you thought you were. Even with the easy confrontations, you still ran like a coward the first chance you got.

“What are you doing?”

Your eyes snapped open. Crap. You’d momentarily forgotten who your neighbor was. “Sorry!”

Kyungsoo huffed from the porch. He leaned on the railing, forearms exposed from his rolled up sleeves. He was frowning at you again, but this time it didn’t seem to be from a place of annoyance as much as confusion. “You say that a lot.”

“I know,” you agreed. “I’m sorry.” You flinched. Nice one.

A few seconds went by before he came down the porch steps. He crouched down in front of you. “If this is about the letter….”

“It's not! Well, not about your letter.”

“You sent out more than one?” You nodded. He smirked. “Well, that makes me feel a little better.”

It made him feel better? Like your letter had made him… upset? He didn’t seem to be worried about you at all when he gave it back. “I’m just waiting for him to leave,” you explained. “I’ll get out of your hair soon.”

The expected response was that he would simply shrug and leave you alone. But instead he sat down across you, knees up with his elbows resting on them. It was odd. Even before he and Yeonhee broke up, he didn’t have one on one conversations with you like this. “Why did you write the letter?”

You blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Why did you bother writing it if I was dating Yeonhee?”

“I….” You threw your hands up as if you could suddenly catch the answer. “It’s how I work out my feelings. When I found out the two of you were dating, I was… confused, scrambled. Some people journal to figure things out, I… write a letter. A letter that was never meant to go out in the first place. All it was supposed to do was help me work through my thoughts, help me understand my feelings when they’re too strong for me to grasp.”

“If you felt that way about me, why didn't you say anything before Yeonhee?”

“I think it goes without saying that I'm not good at verbally expressing my feelings,” you stated flatly. “Besides, I thought I had time. You know, to figure out what it was I was actually feeling. I didn’t realize why I enjoyed seeing you until it was too late. I never suspected that the two of you liked each other.”

“Really?”

“I'm kind of oblivious to things like that.”

A short laugh. “That’s true.”

You heard a car door shut and then an engine roar to life before fading away. Part of you didn’t want to leave, but being here, alone with Kyungsoo and talking to him like this, was dangerous. “I think the coast is clear.” You stood up and Kyungsoo followed through. “Thanks for, um, letting me hide out here.”

“Sure.”

You turned to the fence, examining how you could get back over.

“(y/n)?”

"Yeah?”

“You could just go this way." Kyungsoo opened the gate that led to the front yard.

“Right. Probably the better idea.” Once out of the backyard, you looked at Kyungsoo. Your heart was beating hard in your chest. “Have a goodnight.”

“You, too.”

Back inside, you didn’t bother to be quiet or sneaky. Your mother was sitting at the table, papers spread out all over the surface in an order that only she could understand.

“Hi, sweetie!” she greeted. “A classmate stopped by for you. Chanyeol, I think?”

“Oh, okay. I’ll give him a call.” An absolute lie, but… whatever. You headed up the stairs and grabbed your bag. You needed to get away for a few hours.

The ice rink was your mindful place. Well, your second mindful place, that is. The first was the library. Whenever you needed to not think for a while, you went there to find a new book to lose yourself in. Whenever you did need to work through your less extreme thoughts, you came here, to the rink. The cold made you hyper aware of your surrenders and of yourself. Your feet did all the work while your mind was free to problem solve. Given the time of day, there weren’t too many people here. Good. That meant the ice wouldn’t be too crowded. Only a few divots and scratches decorated the white surface. You zipped up your jacket and started lacing up your boot.

“I wouldn’t really have suspected you to come to a place like this.”

Your head snapped up.

Leaning up against the railing that separated the bleachers from the walkway around the rink, Kim Minseok smiled up at you.

Captain of the soccer team, he was a bit of a hero around the university. A handful of last-minute wins were taken because of him. How many championships had he led the team to? You wouldn’t necessarily say that people at school fawned over him as he walked the halls. It was too large a campus for that. Not to mention, he wasn’t extremely tall and there were certainly others that could be considered more handsome. There were, however, several large posters around the stadium and halls that featured the team, Minseok front and center. An image that didn’t fit what you saw. He mostly wore clothes that said he could have just left the gym or be on his way there. His laid back attitude on his elevated status was part of what led him to being letter number seven.

The thing about that letter was the fact that there was no one incident that led to your need to write it. He was always simply… nice to you. He knew your name from a shared history class your first year of college. In passing, if he saw you, he’d wave before going back to whatever conversation he’d been having before. You weren’t quite invisible to him, but you certainly rotated on the very outskirts of his vision.

“Why do you say that?” you asked as you straightened up.

He shrugged, hands still hanging lazily over the rail. “You never seemed like the athletic type.”

“I didn’t realize that people had to look a certain type to ice skate.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it.” Climbing over the rail with a smoothness that was inhuman, he ran up the steps and took a seat next to you. You stared at him with confusion. “Don’t be like that. We both know why I’m here.”

“How did you even know I was here?”

“Your mom told me.”

Traitor. “I’m getting real sick and tired of being confronted by this. I never should have left those stupid letters out.” You never should have written them in the first place. You wished you could go back to your younger self and warn her. Hopefully, she would take your advice.

“I’m not surprised that I’m not the only one who came to talk to you. Although, I’ll admit, when your mom mentioned the fact that I was the second guy to show up at your house today, my ego took a little hit.”

You gave him an unimpressed side-eye. “I think you’ll survive.”

“So, which one do you actually like?” he asked suddenly.

You blinked at him. “What?”

“Jongdae explained everything to me. He said you mentioned a pile of letters so I figured it was more than just me and him.”

“Jongdae told you everything?” Why would he do that?

“Yeah. He’s my best friend so we don’t really keep secrets. Although, I didn’t tell him that I was a little jealous that he got a letter for pulling you out of a pool. Much more romantic than mine was.”

Groaning in frustration, you dropped your face into your hands in a pathetic attempt to hide. It was either that or wack this boy who was showing a new side of himself to you with the rubber cover of your skate. You figured the latter option would be a bad example for the small kids running around.

Minseok patted your back. “Hey, it's okay. Don’t be so embarrassed. I am still curious, though. Of all the people you sent letters out to, who do you actually like?”

“No one.” You weren’t going to spill your guts to Kim Minseok. You had Baekhyun for that. Soccer star had no business knowing your heartache over your neighbor.

“No one? Interesting.”

You lifted your head to look at him with narrowed eyes. “What do you mean interesting?”

“Well, that was kind of the answer I was hoping for. Sort of.”

This was not how you pictured this conversation going. You figured it would be like the rest. A simple “thank you but no thank you” had been the typical response. None of the others cared if you liked the other recipients. “Why is that?”

“I have a proposal.”

“Oh-kay….”

Minseok turned towards you. “Hear me out. So, I was seeing this girl, Libby. But we broke up. Well, I broke up with her.. And now she’s seeing someone else.”

“So, you suddenly want her again?” Typical. Why did couples always try to make the other one jealous? It sounded like a teen drama you wanted to steer clear from.

“No. The opposite. She’s only dating this guy to try and make me jealous. She’s always flaunting him in front of me, as if that would actually work.”

Okay…. Now you were even more confused. “I don’t see how I come into play.”

Minseok cringed. “Don’t freak out, okay?”

Oh, no. “I make no promises.”

“She knows that you had a crush on me.”

“WHAT!” Oh, you were dead. So dead. Cause: humiliation. Perhaps you could walk around the campus with a disguise on? Surely the security guards wouldn’t mind. There was always the witness protection option. Now it seemed even more appropriate. “She knows about the letters?”

“No, not about the letters,” he reassured you with a hand on your thigh. You quickly shoved it away. “Sorry. No, she just overheard Jongdae and I talking about the liking me part. Still made her mad because she thought I might like you back. So I started thinking, if she thinks that I’ve moved on, eventually she’ll leave me alone.” He looked at you like all of that should have made sense.

“I still don’t get it.”

He sighed. “I’m asking you to be my fake girlfriend.”

The snort could not be contained. “What are we? In high school? Tell her to back off! Or avoid her. You don’t have to make up a relationship to be a grownup about this.”

“I have. It hasn’t worked. Please? It would only be for a short time.”

You mulled the offer over in your head. It didn’t sound too bad. On paper, that is. Putting on a show that you were someone’s girlfriend shouldn’t be hard. And, maybe it would help you forget about your troubles. But… you didn’t want your first relationship to be fake.

“No,” you answered. “I’m not interested. Sorry.”

That was not the answer he was expecting. “Come on. If word gets out that we’re dating, then the other guys you wrote letters to might back off.”

“I’ve already talked to most of them,” you said. “It’s not that big of a deal.” Lie. But he didn’t need to know that. “Good luck with your ex.”

You went to stand on your skates, reaching out in front to hold on to the railing. Your mind, however, was in a hundred different places, which set your balance off. You wobbled and nearly fell back onto the bench. Minseok caught you before that could happen, saving your butt a world of hurt. He chuckled as he helped you regain your balance.

“If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He sent you a wink and left you leaning against the railing. You scoffed to yourself as you watched him walk towards the exit.

Staying where you were, you tried to wrap your head around Minseok’s proposal. How he could have even come to that kind of solution to his own problem was beyond you. What sense did that make? You shook your head and carefully stepped onto the floor. You needed this time now more than ever. Men were so confusing.

178 notes · View notes

kwantified · 4 years

Text

nct dream on social media!

excluding weibo, messenger apps, and dating apps

note: this is purely my personal opinion. kinda inspired by my irls :)

mark

he loves to share what he does when he can

on instagram he’s the kinda guy who isn’t really... there

busy boy finding out about news a whole week late

when he posts stories it’s usually like... super vague pictures of music or lyrics he’s working on

probably one or two basic shots of food

AND ESPECIALLY

shares what he’s listening to on spotify I Kid You Not

if mark lee posts a story it’s probably going to be what he’s listening to on spotify

he’s more active on twitter because uh

memes

mostly quoted retweets tbh

his replies are always just “HAHAHAHAHA” or “LMAOOOO” and some goofy one-liner

has mutuals on stan twt because he likes to steal the memes

it’s honestly like ????

tweets mostly in english but korean is always there

you would find him laughing his ass off and why? because one of his mutuals tweeted something off of punhub

“can you perform under pressure?”

“no, but i can perform bohemian rhapsody”

“doctor, it hurts when i do this”

“then don’t do that”

I SWEAR TO GOD THIS DUDE HAS THE FUNNIEST TL

not only because of punhub trust me

he’s mostly on local twt just on about netflix shows and music because he doesn’t have enough to time rlly branch out into one community other than his own

has tried uploading his works on soundcloud but just feels more comfortable uploading covers and stuff on youtube

he’d accidentally get in everyone’s recommended because hey here’s a talented man on the guitar who’s goofy and cute

BUT ANYWAYS

overall since he’s a very busy person he’s not too active, but social media kind of gives him a little laugh every once in a while so that’s great

renjun

say it with me, instagram

the prettiest golden hour selfies

your resident pretty boy

says he Doesn’t Care About Fashion but then posts a body shot of his fit smh

can’t complain because he’s mad fine let’s be real here

he has an account for every single social media out there but isn’t always active on every account

i swear to god he;s made a linkedin account

the way he’s probably made a mf foursquare account…

he’s just such an all-around sociable guy he just has mutuals everywhere

i mean the entertainment industry is all about connections so

go get it reonjeon!

makes an appearance in everyone’s social media like he’s EVERYWHERE

jaemin’s instagram? check. jisung’s tiktok? check! chenle’s twitter? check. he’s in everyone’s mentions fr

his stories are always reposts of other posts and of the stories he’s tagged in

work socmed! he makes his career look so comfy and homey from his posts and stories

was one of those guys who used to be super active on snapchat but gave up after insta stories became a thing

mans stalks more people than you think… he’s just a sly dude

not in a creepy way ofc he just gets pretty lost within the internet

you could actually play any trending tiktok audio and you’d hear him sing along every word in the background… what has this mf been doin??? uhm???

sends posts he thinks are funny to ig and twt gcs

mostly to jisung because he’s the only one who actually leaves SOME sort of reaction whether it be double tapping the text or going ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ

likes to visit pinterest every once in a while because it’s like a nice eye cleanse

it’s also good outfit and food inspiration in the cases that he feels like creating something non career related

in general he just likes looking for new ideas and sometimes pinterest is just a great outlet for a visual layout like that

renjun and jisung, THESE TWO

they scour the internet together

goin wild with the crack videos with jisung

jeno

this dude is nowhere

like. he has thousands of followers on instagram and for WHAT

twitter page: empty

snapchat: gave up after insta stories

insta stories: DOESN’T EVEN POST SO WHAT’S THE POINT

but he’s like almost always actively liking everything on your timeline

like... every post on your feed is “liked by jeno and xx others”

WHERE IS THIS DUDE

texting him becomes a game through all the different dm platforms online

like will he open his twitter dms today or will he only answer if you furiously facetime him

some days it’s katalk and somedays he just chooses to ignore you

PURPOSELY SO YOU HAVE TO CALL HIM

anyways when he does post on instagram it’s usually just his surroundings and daily activities

or his cats

yeah

does a lot of things with his friends so you’ll probably find him tagged in the dreamies’ stories

but not anywhere else for some reason

he’s more active on twitter!

he kind of feels more relaxed on twitter since it isn’t based on images

tweets out of context things

like a random “fml” out of nowhere and you’re like okay i guess

pretty vague too

doesn’t really make an effort to make any mutuals because it’s kind of like a vent place for him

stays on private

friends only so... about 30 followers and that’s it

people who follow his Instagram don’t really know his twt so it relieves him a bit

food videos on youtube

not mukbangs but like

very nice cooking videos

like have y’all heard of Nino’s Kitchen

he loves that shit BET

the greatest mix between dry sarcasm, humorous attacks and beautiful food

mans just likes real life interactions i guess

haechan

youtube addict!

gamer haechan

he could spend DAYS on youtube and just forget about time and space altogether

just finds the best rabbit holes to go into from music to snails to gaming to fancams

also on tiktok but his tiktok is on instagram ya feel

finds it stupid but so, so entertaining

loves watching those makeup and art tiktoks because they’re so well done

humor tiktoks on his explore page

number one edit fanatic

mans loves watching edits on instagram and how they’re so well made like

he’s truly one to appreciate art

his stories are uploaded on the weirdest times of day

want a video of him serenading the camera at two in the morning? sign yourself up

twitter is lowkey his diary

he just tweets whatever is happening all day errday

sometimes he completely forgets about the existence of twitter altogether so there are days where he’s on twitter every second but there are weeks where it’s just CRICKETS

loves to listen to other people’s playlists

open to new vibes (but no hateful vibes!)

still does snapchat streaks... hm

and who might he be talking to?

his snapchat streaks are always the same shot of the window or some scenery from his apartment

the kind of guy who snaps you until goddamn 4am

make room for online boyfriend hyuck

goes on twitch for the fun of it when he’s too busy to play

finds it real satisfying to just see the streamers engage with the audience while being real good at what they do

either way he’s just always on youtube but when he isn’t he’s usually just consuming content instead of uploading content

but when he does post anything it’s like quality!!

jaemin

unlike jeno, this man is EVERYWHERE

and when i mean everywhere i mean he’s also on letterboxd (!!!) and soundcloud

maybe this is just an excuse for me to force the jaemin film and photography student agenda

this man has customised every part of every profile on social media

except for linkedin

folks, his instagram is just pictures of everyone else but him

even on soundcloud his self-written songs are sung by other members in nct

his insta stories are the only place you can actually hear his voice

insta stories are just food and friends

and by friends i mean wtf moments at the dream dorm

memes all over twitter

steals memes pretty regularly

like he’d always like the tweets before stealing and those tweets would always end up in your tl so whenever he uses those memes in your convos it’s just like

aHa i see

posts “mood” tweets

mostly replies to other people rather than making his own tweets

loves to do deep dives on youtube because he always discovers the cutest music

also gets the best inspiration from youtube

has a few favourite youtubers and genuinely appreciates their content

again, inspiration

watches lots of movies but doesn’t really leave any reviews so he just gives a few stars (or none) on letterboxd

the kind of guy who’s glued to his phone

i don’t blame him

his phone is full of content

still on snapchat apparently

but he’s the kind of dude that just sends streaks every day and updates his snapchat story like never

his streaks... lmao

usually goes for a black screen with a plain “s” or just a random shot of his bedsheets

but if he considers you a close friend he might get distracted and send you a bunch of videos of him playing with filters

he really does think they’re quite the fascination

maybe he’s just bored lol social media is pretty expansive

chenle

he’s like jeno but gives less fucks

so... instagram and twitter are equally chaotic

such a mood

just makes you go WHAT IS THIS DUDE UP TO

this dude is usually just Chillin

and he gets bored so he just brain farts into twitter

whenever there’s a basketball game he’s watching he’ll fill your entire timeline with out of context reactions

also kind of a random out of context dude who posts things at the weirdest times of the day/night

doesn’t give enough fucks to go on private

gets a lot of followers on twt solely because so many people find his life so fascinating like hm...

what might zhong chenle be doing at this time of day

on instagram it’s kind of a different story because uh he might have to think twice about whether or not he wants a certain picture on his feed

but then again, no fucks

so he’s like meh okay sure i’ll post it

pics of food and places he’s been to and laid back selfies and #tbt type beat

NOT WAYV’S TURN BACK TIME I MEAN THROWBACK THURSDAY

but he does a lot of promo for nct and wayv

get that bag boy!

chenle on instagram is like hyuck on twitter: he can go weeks being completely inactive but one day he suddenly remembers the existence of instagram and posts five pictures in a day

all with either no caption or like the vaguest “ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ” or “哈哈哈哈”

if y’all have seen his weibo then y’all would know his twt would be filled with “哈哈哈哈哈”

mentions everyone (especially jisung) in each and every single one of his insta stories

replies to random comments

eternal chenle menpa how bout that

goes on wattpad and ao3 for the fun of it

actually kind of enjoys some of the work on wattpad... his fav trope is enemies to lovers

that one mutual that casually likes all your tweets

he would literally spam like all your pictures/tweets as soon as you guys become mutuals and it’s sweet

comments on everything

always dragged in jisung’s tiktok antics

knows all the tiktok dances by heart even though it looks like he’s so unbothered

thinks tiktok is cringey but HIGHKEY gets into it

jisung

now this dude is on tiktok but he doesn’t really fetch for clout

he likes doing short freestyles

the challenges are cool too and he’s had a few mutuals on tiktok so that’s nice

but this dude screams TWITTER and YOUTUBE

watches shit like vox and jubilee because it’s so interesting to him

has been through a vsauce phase but eventually got bored because they didn’t upload a lot

youtube is there for his deep dives and curiosities

also is subscribed to a lot of youtubers so his recommended page is super diverse

comments on videos with the most candid thoughts

youtube has been a big part of him honestly especially as a child who didn’t really get a formal education

he’s just kind of learning from the internet

doesn’t bother with instagram because... he can post pictures on twt too...

eventually gets instagram anyways so

the pictures/videos jisung sends on lysn bubble are literally his insta feed

but on twitter he’s just kind of vibin

says he goes on twt 5 times a day so there we go

likes those generational tweets and tiktoks that go like

“kids born after 2005 will never understand this”

his retweets bruv

he just retweets funny one liner replies from viral tweets

also keeps up with the news (ehem this was the boy on the political section of daily korean news let’s hear it)

rather than just korea he’s pretty interested in international news too so he’s a pretty outspoken guy

doesn’t really do a lot of tweeting himself though since he just kind of goes “헐” or “대박” or “ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ”

him and renjun are youtube buddies just because. yes.

usually spirals into crack compilations

like renjun, he’s also seen pretty often in other members’ mentions

ESPECIALLY CHENLE THIS DUDE WONT SHUT UP ABOUT JISUNG

but he honestly really likes being mentioned and being active online because he’s spent most of his life either practicing or online so

feels like home huh

kinda gen z spirit there lmao

67 notes · View notes

jawusa · 4 years

Text

Goldie’s Adventures on the Moon - Day 4

Chapter 4: Pagoda in the Shadows (The Finale)

To my own surprise, I actually enjoyed the past three days on the moon! At first, I was soo looking forward to returning home again, I was complaining about every single thing there and didn't even let anyone cheer me up! Suddenly, it was completely the opposite on the last day? I felt something I never felt. I wasn't even homesick or missed any of my friends at school! I did wonder though how my friends back at school were doing... how my sister Candy was doing. She must have given birth to her baby already... whether it's a girl or a boy? Either way, she hadn't contacted us ever since we arrived here on the moon, but that's what Candy usually does anyway, so this didn't surprise me... not even a little bit! Anyway, yesterday, when I was hanging around in the zen garden, Rhett found an old map which was apparently buried in the frontyard of some old teahouse/or wherever he was spending his time in these days. It looked like a treasure map, but this can't... just... HOWW? It doesn't make any sense, does it make sense? No, it doesn't. Get it! But my father was so keen on that map, so I just had to go along with them! Either way... the map was not even complete! It had some directions... but there were in fragments and there was no info about the exact location. Let alone where to find the treasure at all...? But for some reason, Dad and Rhett were convinced they'd find it once we arrive there anyway!

The map was seemingly leading to nowhere! We left the little colony named Moonbase Apollo (which was the only colony anyway in that area?) I didn't look like there were others... the surrounding area was completely empty, looked sad and deserted... somewhat creepy, too! For a second or two, I thought I'd hear something, but no, there was this absolute silence! Sometimes, I even had the impression, I'd hear my breath... or my blood in the veins. I tried to keep myself calm and tried to pretend that it never happened, I just kept breathing and breathing and breathing... but it never seemed to end! The "treasure hunt" was getting creepy as well! I wondered what this "treasure" is... and where all of this led to? I really began to question everything... even questions like "Are we going to make it out... alive at all?" or "What if this map is just a trap? Who buried it there at all... how did Rhett find that in the first place?" Also, we shouldn't have gone without knowing much about the place! We should have asked the locals around town! Suddenly, we saw some creepy looking rocks and behind these rocks, there was a mysterious pagoda in a dome. The dome looked much like the other buildings downtown. But this one here was different! It was nestled in a tiny crater and it was at a quite high altitude (compared to the other places)... between the rocks, we could even spot the colony - Moonbase Apollo from the distance. This remote place was creepy indeed! I couldn't even tell whether this was a forgotten/abandoned house once... or whether some sinister organisation constructed this thing here on purpose... to spy the people around the colony, which might be a thing, since the area was covered with those large rocks!

Anyway... we entered the dome and were dazed by what we saw! There was such a dense garden and bamboo forest... with an old bridge and all... the pond surface was all filled with waterlilies everywhere! It didn't look well-tended at all! No, much the opposite! There were weeds everywhere! The water was full of algae; the air around there felt rather humid and wild! Whoever belonged this garden to, they either did a lousy job at gardening... or they deceased a long time ago and nobody even noticed! Well, I hoped it was the first theory, because I didn't want to believe in the other one. I was really NOT interesting in seeing any ghosts!

When we had a quick look around and there... there was this shrine thingy again! I and Rhett tossed a coin once and it brought us both luck! So, Dad wanted to toss a coin as well. I wanted to warn him though, because... that shrine looked way different than the ones I and Rhett had used. Something about the shrine was odd, it didn't look cute or promising at all... this one here looked rather creepy! But Dad had the strong impression, he'd find the treasure in there... so, he tossed a coin!

I remember this eerie red-ish smoke which was emitted right away when he tossed the coin into this devilish shrine. All of sudden, he got a whole swarm of...

Moon-bees? (or how should we cal them?) chasing him! As if this wasn't enough, I heard eerie sounds from above! There... I knew it! THIS PLACE WAS HAUNTED! THERE'S A GHOST UPSTAIRS!!!! Rhett tried to calm me down and he'd say things like "Yeah, you've watched way too many of those stupid soap operas on TV..." and all... which, ehh? I didn't anyway? And they're everything but stupid! HIS... whatever he's watching on TV shows are stupid! Sheesh!

Poor Dad, though! I really felt sorry for him and was also scared of what's coming next! I remember seeing this one Horror movie where the Goths would go on vacation and then be trapped by aliens in this creepy tomb! I just KNEW the same would happen to us, too! Since... you know, we ARE on the moon and there were many, MANY aliens wandering around here! I didn't want to follow Rhett, I really didn't! But I couldn't have let him go on his own, too! He insisted on going upstairs to see what's going on... and I just couldn't leave him behind, could I? Either way... I had goosebumps all over my body! This clearly wasn't it!

"Hey, check this out! You can see all the gorgeous ladies from here above!" "Rhett!! Stop being a jerk, this is serious! I'm scared and look what you're doing!" "I think, you're exaggerating Goldie..." "DIDN'T YOU SEE THOSE MOON-BEES ARISING OUT OF NOWHERE??!!" "There were so many plants down there, I bet Dad just upset the bees, that's all! There's no supernatural things going on here.. this's just a place where you can stalk... ahem, just look at other sims... who are uhmm.. good looking!" "Whatever... but I could have sworn, I've heard noises from above!" "Why don't you then go explore yourself? I just don't want to be involved with this thing... count me out, really!"

Rhett was being sooo annoying again, but I noticed some hidden stairs behind the benches while arguing with him... so I went there to have a closer look! I felt... the presence! I thought there was a ghost there on the top! I could feel my heart pounding like CRAZY!! I've never been this scared in my whole life! I was like "WHYY is this place considered as a treasure then? If it just brings misfortune and all...?" Well, the garden was kinda beautiful, so that's the treasure? Naah, that'd be stupid! The garden only looks good NOW because it grew throughout all these years! I bet it was pretty boring when that stupid treasure was buried somewhere over here! Though, when I finally dared to go upstairs, I saw this old man hanging around here? He wasn't an alien... so, he didn't look as if he were from here... or was he? Anyway, I should have been scared, but I was not! Not even a little bit! Or was he also a victim of some alien traps? Just like us? OMG! What if he's gone through the same as we did? Wait, no, this can't be the case! Otherwise, we wouldn't have been able to find the map? If he was here before... so, he must be someone who already knew how to get to this place... without the aid of a secret map! Or was the map which Rhett's found his map? Anyway, I tried to greet him, just in the way how Q's taught me! This old man indeed looked like someone who could help us!

"Good evening, sir! I'm.." "Hmmmm..." "I'm..." "Hmmm..." "Goldie Hart... I and my family were here on..." "Hmmm..." "Vacation and we'd like to ask you for help? If you could help us, please?" "Hmmm...." Well, he was being very weird FOR SURE!!! I felt ridiculously uncomfortable standing next to him! He wouldn't even answer any of my questions... or whatever! He didn't even notice I was there? Maybe that's why! I thought, maybe the smell of good tea would literally wake him up?

"Maybe, I misjudged you! I first thought you have traveled far but not seem to be knowing!" "What are you talking about, sir? I just asked you for help and you didn't reply!" "Hmm..." "Oh, NOOO!! Please, do not start with that again! Just, drink your tea, sir!" Thankfully, I didn't have to stay alone with him all the time! Dad and Rhett got aware of the smell and came to join us!

"So, she's her daughter?" "Yeah, Goldie's my daughter! I also have another daughter named Candy, but she couldn't travel along with us." "I know." "Uhmm, OK, so... why do you ask me then when you actually know my daughters?" "I just do." That conversation and was MORE THAN CREEPY! I don't think I've ever seen such an awkward looking sim who also behaves soo awkward? So, yeah... apparently, he lives there in that creepy pagoda in the shadows! But still, that day was SOO weird! I was tired because of the long walk; I was upset because nobody took me seriously; I was bored because I couldn't use the internet at all; I was hungry because this old man didn't even offer food to us? We were his "guests" and he NOTICED that we had a long journey behind us and that we might possibly be hungry? But he didn't even offer us anything at all... he only offered us to sit downstairs to talk a bit more in his patio... I guess we were all just being polite to him. Lol! But that day really wasn't being it!

For some reason, he'd always stare at me and sit next to me when we'd be chatting... one more reason why I found him weird? It wasn't even enough to say "he was weird" because he was literally beyond that! We kept on talking on his patio for such a long time, our stomachs growled and he'd still not be offering or let us just go? OMG, and when the sun was setting and he was right by my side...! ... OK, OK, we got it! I won't be writing a diary entry full of complaints! At some point, he suddenly stood up and said: "You seem to possess the charm and panache necessary to bear The Legend!" "Uhmm, OK? I'm sorry to sound rude, but you won't give us any food? Because we're leaving!" "You'll be awared with the biggest treasure in your life!" So, we thought, he'd finish telling this stupid legend and then, he'd serve us some food! So, we could get away from here and especially from HIM! We had to listen to him... unfortunately!

"... and that was The Legend! The treasure is yours now! Keep it well and farewell!" *vanishes in air "Hey, you can't treat us like that! Come back here you fool! You can't leave us behind like this? We listened to your stupid story and you wouldn't even do us a favour in return?!" Dad was really upset... so was I and Rhett. But we decided to just leave that place, we stole grabbed enough fruits from his garden and just went back to the suite! It was already very late in the night... almost early thing in the morning when we arrived there! We'd have to leave soon anyway, so we just packed out stuff! While this wasn't the greatest day in Moonbase Apollo, I've learned a lot from my journey during these days and overall, I still think that this vacation was a great success! The shuttle's just arrived and it was time to say goodbye to Moonbase Apollo! I'll miss this superb place! But thankfully, I got the phone numbers of both; Qiu and Hua, so, I can still keep in touch with them back in Widespot! I'm really excited to show them my hometown one day, too! I'm sure they'd love it, wouldn't they?

The End.

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thehollowprince · 4 years

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Two cents from a female cis-het passing queer person who grew up in a deeply compulsory heterosexual environment. Media and mainstream het culture socialises girls and women to identify so much deeply problematic and violent male behaviour as perfectly normal, romantic behaviour. Prime example, Spike and Buffy. imo this is heavily reflected in the mlm slash ships that straight people love to fetishize, prime example St*r*k. When I discovered they were a ship it made me really sad.

Oh, you're preaching to the choir.

That was a pattern I picked up on years ago, one that I actually had to look for, because as a guy, I was told that it was okay to behave like the men we saw on television. Well... half told. My grandmother always told me to be nice first, because if you start off by being an asshole, no one's ever going to think your anything but an asshole. I also realized all on my own that maybe I should just care about other people, but that's just me.

The thing that really gets me about this phenomenon is that it's on here. Naturally, I don't expect Tumblr to be completely absent of this, but come on! This is Tumblr! You could throw a stick and hit a post about how men shouldn't treat women like that, or how women shouldn't put up with it, but then those very same people turn around and make apology posts for Kylo Ben, or Snape, or Damon Salvatore or Klaus Mikaelson or Spike. Oh, god, Spike! That whole "romance" (see: obsession) between the two just blew my mind, even back when the show was airing (yes, I'm old enough to remember when it aired on the WB and then UPN).

The fact that anyone can look at the intersections between Buffy and Spike and call that a romance disgusts me. And that's without even including the attempted rape. Just his obsession with her since the fourth season and how that spiraled into everything. That show really should have just ended at season five.

Spike is actually the earliest example that I've seen of a fandom loving a villain so much that the production decides to keep bringing them back. Except, you can't keep them around as the villain (y'know, the version of the character that everyone fell in love with), because it eventually gets to the point of "why can't the heroes beat the villain?" Simple, we'll give them a Tragic Backstory™, have them make the sad puppy eyes, and bam! We got us an antihero.

And people just eat that shit up.

It happened with both Damon and Klaus on The Vampire Diaries and The Originals. We have two characters who are introduced as these outright villains, killing people for their own amusement or to prove a point, but fans loved them so much that they got turned into antiheroes and all their bad deeds forgiven. I mean, its outright nauseating to see the way Damon treated Elena throughout the run of the show, invading her personal space, trying to compel her into kissing him, manhandling her, taking her choices away, and fans calling that love. Same with Klaus, who repeatedly threatened Caroline, actually tried to kill her (twice!), and Kl*r*line shippers thing that's the peak of romantic behavior because Klaus makes the sad puppy eyes. (See also: Theo from Teen Wolf)

And don't even get me started on the fandom fixation on Bonkai!

It all stems down to this weird phenomenon where one of the two characters is a self-insert for the reader/viewer, because they want to bang the male character/actor. That's why Rey is usually written so one-dimensional in R*ylo fics, because the reader is thirsty for Adam Driver. And that, of course, just leads us back to Teen Wolf and St*r*k. Although, that one's a little tricky, because you'd think that so many of these St*r*k shippers would insert themselves into Stiles (which there are a fair share that do), but more often than not, Derek acts as the self-insert, because most of the fans want to bang Dylan O'Brien. Seriously, I will never understand fandom's fascination with white twinks, but it's an all-encompassing thing.

Part of me understands because I'm old enough to remember the early years of internet fandom. Okay, I was there for FF.net before the purges. I remember Anne Rice's militant legal campaign against her own fans. I remember when the BNFs started gatekeeping, harassing the self-insert OCs in fanfic. Hell, I remember Ms. Scribe and the Inner Circle! I have seen things! And that crackdown against OCs was what led to the rise of fangirls in the slash fandom. Equal parts hiding from the BNFs and fetishizing mlm sexuality for their own amusement/pleasure.

The thing that really baffles me about it all is why St*r*I. Ignoring the obvious reasons (*cough*racism*cough*), why them. As I already pointed out, Tumblr loves their posts about self worth and not standing for abuse, but then turn around and advocate for one of the most abusive crack ships I've ever seen. Why not, say, Scott and Danny, who had actual moments that, if taken out of context, could be portrayed as moments of a building romance ("its Armani"), or Scott and Isaac ("Be careful"/"I don't want you to get hurt" and "Dude, I love Mexican"). Like, the subtext between Scott and Isaac was so strong that one could just call it text.

We had four canonically gay characters (Danny, Ethan, Mason and Corey) and yet the focus is still on two straight characters. Hell, Mason was literally the version of Stiles that fandom cooked up (incredibly smart, did the research, openly gay, had a crush on a hot werewolf that he was very open about) and yet he doesn't get even a fraction of the attention that Stiles does, despite fulfilling the criteria they claim they want in the form of more queer representation. It can't be because he's black, right? I mean, they've told me they're not racist, despite numerous examples of racism, so it's hard to know what to believe (insert sarcasm here).

But still, fandom put these two characters that couldn't stand each other, and who both had much stronger connections to Scott, together in their heads and then cried queerbaiting when they didn't get what they wanted. There comes a point where you have to question whether these people are that influenced by media and propaganda or they're being willfully ignorant.

Anyway, thanks for listening. Apparently I had more of that bottle up inside than I thought so thanks for giving me an outlet to express my frustration. And now, back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

#ask and ye shall recieve #fandom racism #fandom nonsense #anti sterek #anti reylo #anti klaroline #anti delena #anti bonkai #anti spuffy #teen wolf fandom problems

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ahtohallan-calling · 4 years

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chapter 25 of don’t read the last page is here!

masterpost

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

september 21st

It was, to be frank, not the sort of wedding Anna had dreamed of growing up. For one thing, she didn’t even have any white clothes left that fit; for another, the courthouse still sort of smelled like lemon Pine-Sol.

But her sister was there to walk her in, though there wasn’t really an aisle, and Honey and Ryder and Sven and Kristoff’s parents and siblings were all grinning from ear to ear-- well, crying and blowing her nose, in Bulda’s case-- and she did at least have the bouquet of sunflowers that was her one non-negotiable.

One thing, though, was the same thing-- same person-- she had always imagined, and when he blinked back tears as he slid the ring onto her finger she couldn’t help but think of her teenaged self scribbling furiously in her diary about how she’d wear a ballgown and he’d wear a tux and there’d be sunflowers and confetti and doves--

“I do,” Kristoff said, his voice thick with emotion, and really, that was all that mattered.

“Me, too,” she replied, without even thinking, and when he grinned in response as the officiant chuckled, she knew he was thinking the same.

---

october 17th

Kristoff came home from the clinic and found Anna sitting on the edge of their bed, staring off into space. “Everything okay, baby?”

She nodded. “Just...thinking about the premiere again. They sent the dress over again, said they tailored it for how big I’ll be in a couple weeks. And the doctor said it’s okay. I mean, he wants me to come in the day before, just to make sure, but…”

Anna bit her lip, waiting for a reply. A familiar flicker of protective, instinctive worry flared in his chest, but Kristoff held his tongue and waited for it to settle, the way he’d learned was-- especially now-- so important to making sure she felt heard.

And she kept quiet; he knew she was fighting the urge to ramble to fill the silence, to try and convince him of something before he’d even said he might disagree.

They were still learning, and from what his mother had told him, he knew they still would be for the rest of their lives. And of course there were still the silly arguments over what to watch on TV (usually ending in them watching nothing at all and instead kissing on the sofa while an alien show played in the background) and who was snoring louder (Anna, these days because of the strange poses she struck to try and sleep) and who had eaten the last of the pretzels (which usually ended with them both realizing it’d happened while they were watching the aforementioned alien shows).

But the big things, the ones that mattered-- they were careful, now, more than ever, to make sure that fight was never quite the right word for what transpired.

Kristoff sat beside her, taking her hand. “I mean, there’s no point in me explaining all the things that could go wrong, is there?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I promise, I’ve thought about all of them pretty much, like, nonstop,” she said, and he squeezed her hand in response.

Anna’s gaze drifted over to the emerald green dress hanging on the back of the closet door. Kristoff watched her for a moment before saying softly, “But you still want to go.”

She nodded, biting her lip again.

“Can I ask why it feels this important to you?”

He looked over and saw tears were beginning to sparkle in her eyes. “What if this is my only shot, Kris?”

“Your only shot at what?”

“At getting to do something like this. What if I never get a big movie part again? Or what if the baby comes, and I just decide to only be a mom and never act again? And it’s like...I’m not angry about it or anything, you know? Like I love him, and I love you, but this is still...it’s still what I’ve been working for my whole life. And all the shit I put up with filming this, and the stuff with Hans...part of me feels like it’ll be for nothing if I don’t go. And I know that’s stupid, but--”

“Not stupid,” Kristoff interrupted, and she sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. “It makes perfect sense.”

“I know it’s, like, scary to think that I could just go into labor on the red carpet. And maybe I’m a bad mom for even--”

“Anna. Don’t even think that, okay?”

She sniffled, and he lifted his arm to wrap it around her shoulders. “You’re allowed to be more than a mom,” he said as she leaned into him. “And you’re allowed to want things for yourself, especially really big important things like this. And I want them for you, too.”

“I know it makes you nervous, though,” she said softly. “That something would go wrong.”

“I’ve been nervous about that the whole time. But it’s up to you, baby. Well-- you and the doctor, I guess, but if he says you’re in the clear…”

She tilted her head to kiss his shoulder. “And it’s only for the red carpet bit. No way am I sitting through a three hour movie in a ballgown. Which, speaking of--”

She hopped up and waddled towards the bathroom, and Kristoff couldn’t help but laugh as he called after her, “Guess I ought to see if my suit from New Year’s still fits, eh?”

---

november 1

“Feels kind of full circle, don’t you think?” Anna mused as Honey carefully swiped blush onto her cheeks.

“What does?” Kristoff asked from where he was seated in the recliner, nervously fiddling with his cufflinks.

“I mean, a year ago today is when my first movie dropped, and now today is my first red carpet premiere.”

“Oh, shit, it’s only been a year?”

Anna giggled. “You’re telling me. I feel like I’ve already been pregnant that long.”

Honey rolled her eyes. “Hold still, Anna.”

“Sorry, sorry! Thanks again for doing this, by the way. I know it had to’ve been a pain in the ass for you to get ready so early and then come all the way up here.”

Her friend shrugged as she sorted through her stacks of highlighters. “More of a pain in the ass if someone who doesn’t know your face like I do messed you up. And anyway, you know the real reason I agreed to this. Come on, spill the beans.”

“I thought Anna was kidding about bribing you with that,” Kristoff said, raising his eyebrows. “I mean, we didn’t even tell Sven yet.”

“She was not kidding, but I think you’ll see my work is worth the price. C’mon, Anna, turn around and show the husband how gorgeous you look.”

She did so, and his eyes went wide. “Oh, shit.”

“Good oh shit?” Anna asked nervously.

Honey snorted. “Do you really have to ask that when it’s me doing this? Turn back and let me do your lipstick.”

Anna held still as Honey carefully daubed the scarlet shade they’d settled on together onto her lips. “So, since Anna’s occupied at the moment...what’d you guys pick?”

“Well, we were trying to find something to watch one night, and we both have the same favorite kids’ movie, and it just happened to be on, so we--”

“I didn’t ask for the story, Bjorgman. What are you naming my nephew?”

He grinned. “Milo.”

---

God, Anna had always been gorgeous, but the color of her gown made her hair gleam even more than usual, and Honey had done just enough makeup to bring out her eyes without hiding the way she was glowing these days-- shit, he’d thought that was just something books said, but--

There was a tug at his sleeve. “Kristoff? Did you hear me?”

He blinked, startled. “What?”

Anna smirked, well aware of what had been distracting him. “Hans just got here. Casey says two more minutes, then we’re up. She says that’s the perfect amount of time to make sure we completely upstage him.

He whistled. “Damn. Do you think Lena would have ever come up with something like that?”

“Absofuckinglutely not.” She grinned and set a hand on the side of her belly. “I think Milo’s excited, too.”

Kristoff laughed and set his hand next to hers; sure enough, there came a brief volley of kicks against the palm of his hand. “As long as you stay in there for a little while longer, buddy, kick all you want.”

“Easy for you to say,” Anna muttered. “Oh-- she just texted again. Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” he said as she signalled the chauffeur to open her door.

Kristoff had to admit he was a little bit awestruck at just how gracefully she managed to emerge from the limo; he nearly tripped over his own feet, and he wasn’t even thirty-seven weeks pregnant.

He was by her side immediately, setting a hand on the small of her back, and not a moment too soon; it was as if their arrival was some kind of signal for the hundreds of photographers and reporters and celebrities and fans to all turn at once, Hans Westergaard and all his bullshit entirely forgotten.

“By the way,” Anna whispered as they began to walk towards the crowd, “if you hold my hand, Casey says to make sure it’s the right one.”

“What? Why?”

“So people can still see my rings in the pictures,” she said, putting on her best movie star smile as the first reporter reached them.

The next hour or so passed in a blur; they stayed well away from the crowd of fans at the doctor’s advice-- “never know how handsy they’ll get, you know”-- but it still felt a bit like getting swarmed with what felt like every reporter in LA dying to find out more about the sudden wedding and the impending arrival and whether or not Anna thought she’d get an Oscar nod for her part.

She answered every question with grace and charm, and Kristoff did his best to make sure his smile didn’t turn into a grimace, even when a cameraman stepped on the hem of Anna’s skirt.

The reporters left him alone for the most part, until one of them turned suddenly to him and asked, “So, Kristoff, how does it feel to be the internet’s boyfriend?”

“The...what?”

The reporter grinned and held up his phone, showing him a series of memes. He squinted, trying to make sense of it all as Anna held back a laugh. “You’re built like a brick shithouse and you hold puppies for a living. What’s not to love?”

“Um,” he stammered, looking to Anna for guidance.

“What my husband means to say,” she said, her eyes sparkling with mischief, “is that he’s flattered. And I for one am very grateful I managed to snatch him up before he became such a big star.”

They said their goodbyes quickly after that, and as they continued moving down the red carpet, Kristoff leaned down and muttered, “When were you going to tell me I was the internet’s boyfriend, huh?”

“When you figured out what Instagram was so you could find all the stan accounts for yourself.”

“The...what?”

She giggled and squeezed his hand. “Just smile and wave, honey. And think about the Taco Bell we’re getting after this.”

#two chapters to go after this #drtlp #kristanna #my fics

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guylty · 4 years

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Like a lot of you (I imagine), I received notification from ATG yesterday about my remaining tickets for Uncle Vanya.

That is good news for me – but probably will still provide a lot of disappointment for others who were travelling from farther away and will not be able to rearrange their travel plans as easily. I’m curious to see when they will put on the play and whether there will be a) enough time for travel planning, and b) a long enough interim period for safety. I would still very much like to make the journey, and I am also hoping that some of us who had to cancel their plans, may now get a second chance at watching the play. We’ll find out at the end of the month, hopefully.

Long before the crisis happened, I had decided to document my interactions with the play in a custom diary. That was in early January. I started out on the day of the play’s first preview. And then things took a different turn than expected. Since I have shown you the Vanya junk journal I made for Linda60, now you’ll get a little look at what one of those journals looks like when it is full. Alas – disclaimer: I was going to make a snazzy little video of the whole thing, but my iPhone ran out of storage space (as usual) and my tripod/filming set-up for my proper camera is unfortunately still unresolved. I got as far as this:

Well, that was a nice and natural cut there 😂. So the rest is in pictures.

It’s much to my surprise that I have found myself keeping (almost) daily records of the current crisis. The last time I kept a proper diary was in my college days. Once I had children, things really went downhill on that front 😂. Ok, and I’ll blame it on the internet as well. And even despite my obvious passion for junk journals, I hadn’t felt inspired to write a diary for a long time. Maybe it takes extraordinary times to get back into the flow? I just felt that it could be an interesting record for my family in years to come; possibly after I have gone, to see what we did and felt and how we made it through the crisis. In any case, journal no. 1 is full, and journal no. 2 is ready and waiting.

I’ve named it the Covid Chronicles. Much less deco in there, as I expect to write a bit more. It passes time and is somewhat soothing, especially when you write with a smooth fountain pen on those pages… Sometimes I feel my eyes almost go cross-eyed with relaxation 😂

So, what about you? I know it is a touchy subject, so ignore this if it is something you can’t bear to consider, but are you planning on (re)arranging your travel plans if at all possible?

And for those who don’t want to delve into that can of worms, here is a different question: Do you keep a diary? Are you keeping a journal *at this time*, for posterity?

In any case, I hope you are all well and you are staying put this Easter. Today, Good Friday, I notice a lot more traffic outside than in the days prior. It’s not a massive amount of traffic. But there was only 1 car every five minutes yesterday, now there is one every two minutes, and that definitely is a noticeable increase. I am slightly annoyed with that because people have been warned not to travel for non-essentials, and traffic checks by the gardai are in place. As hard as it may be, I just hope people stay at home, even at Easter time!

Stay safe, everybody!

Postponed, Not Abandoned Like a lot of you (I imagine), I received notification from ATG yesterday about my remaining tickets for

#Uncle Vanya

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softlaceus · 4 years

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- new beginning

Hi everyone!

I started this fresh, little blog of mine to collect my thoughts on everyday things! I am trying to see this tiny internet hideaway as some sort of... personal diary! The idea behind it is to return to the root of blogging. However, my first language is not English so I was contemplating on whether I should go for German or English. In the end I settled for English (obviously!), since I wanted to be able to reach more people like me and maybe even inspire some others along this journey. Anyways, let’s finally jump right into it!

About Me

My name is Bianca Arina - Bianca comes from the Italian word “bianco/a” which means “white” or “pure”. My second name, Arina, origins from the Greek goddess of peace which I quite enjoy since I’d consider myself as someone who’s looking for a peaceful environment. I am not very fond of confrontation! As of right now I am 19 years old, I was born in January 2001 which makes me a Capricorn. One of my interests include astrology so I am just gonna throw in my Moon and Rising sign as well! As a Capricorn Rising and a Leo Moon it’s a little difficult. The Capricorn traits such as hardworking, stubborn, loyal are definitely quite defined within my personality, but I can also see that I can have a slight egocentric side to myself which may reflect the Leo. By the way, I am not that new to Tumblr as you might think! Actually I had a blog that was supposed to focus around “Fitness” and Kpop. Sadly it was hard to really be positive about my own body while using slim,petite girls as inspiration so I decided to delete the entire blog as I had gathered quite a following by members of the eating disorder community. As a result, I wanted to return to the blogging community once more - this time with a different mindset! This blog is meant to be like a little safe space for me: a place where I can share my experiences, thoughts, my failures but also my greatest achievements! For now I want to focus on achieving not only a healthy lifestyle with a balance of proper diet and fitness, but I also want to return to my most authentic and creative self. As a child I always dreamed of becoming a writer and the process of writing always struck me as mesmerizing and amazing. Being able to paint whole landscapes, personalities and worlds peaked my interest and probably never truly left me. Sadly, the older and further I got with my education the less I was able to do the thing I loved the most which was expressing myself. Less time was spent writing and more time was spent in front of school books and studies, I slowly lost my motivation but now I am trying to return. Furthermore I want to use this blog to just document my life and to keep track of myself while I am achieving the healthiest and happiest version that I can be! I truly want to be able to embrace life, overcome hardships and reach for my dreams while I enjoy all the little things! Thank you for reading my first blog entry, hopefully I can make some friends on this journey!

#sea #aesthetic #sunset #shore #journey #glow up #life #motivation #optimism #blogging

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exit-path · 4 years

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DO NOT READ THIS POST.

Below is a long rant I’ve had about life and death. I’ve wanted it on the Internet. So that, ya know people can read it. But I also don’t want people to read it. Potential mental scarring, and all that.

So if you wanna get the rest of your Daily Tumblr Experience (tm), keep scrolling. But if you want to have a SUPER out-of-body experience, “Keep reading.”

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

So wait, this is it?

After you learn all the languages you know now, after you’re taught everything in school you remember, after you read all the books and hear all the stories...

This is it?

That’s everything? Your toolbox to brave the world. That’s all you get?

You’re gonna have all this until the day you die. You know that, right? This is pretty much all you’re ever gonna get, forever.

You know you only have one life. After this, you can’t try again. You get no second chances.

But I want more! Why can’t get more? Why does learning new things only get harder with age?

You’re never gonna truly experience anything besides what you’re currently experiencing. Sure, you can imagine, and you can daydream and come up with full-on stories in your mind, but truth is, you’re never actually gonna leave your current story. It’s all been one straight line.

We are trapped in the mortal realm. If you were born a man, and you wanted to be a woman, then even through all the wishes in the world, you could never truly become a woman. Baseless wishes do nothing, after all. But you can get close. If you see a man trying as hard as they can to be a woman, because they really wanted to, and they did a really good job, then please cheer them on. They are doing as close an act to defying the impossible.

So wishes don’t work. You will never experience anything outside of the life you’re currently living. So make the most of it. And embrace new actions taken. Because they do what wishes can’t: they work.

This all still feels so empty. I’m so lost. It feels so bleak, and it’s cold and dark down here. I’m currently getting therapy, but I want happiness. Happiness that lasts. Like, an hour.

Can anything solve this? Like, death anxiety. Can anything fix death anxiety? Because it’s a really shitty thing to be afraid of. It’s a phobia that, by definition, is chronic. If you’re afraid of death, and you’re eventually gonna die, then you’ll be panicking your whole life.

That seems like a really shitty way to live life. I don’t want to live like that! Please! I want to be liberated from my chronic anxiety! I don’t want to die!

How did you discover this? Do you know me? Did you find this? Did I show you this? Or did you not discover this? Will this be forgotten about, buried under all the other posts on this platform? Every time I make a new post, am I burying this one a foot deeper? Will no mortal eyes ever gaze upon this post ever again?

And this all came with no warning! Back on my main blog, I’ve posted nothing about my recent thanatophobia! Okay, well maybe I posted something about anxiety and stuff like that, but nothing like this. I’m scared!

I really hope I don’t delete this. There’s a really good chance I won’t. I want this to be out in the world. If only for a moment, I want this post to breathe.

When Tumblr shuts down, even if it’s after my lifetime, this post will go with it. And when the universe dies in a trillion years, everything will go with it. Why did some astronomist figure that out? How much alcohol do they drink?

It is Friday, June 12th, 2020. I dunno why I date things. I hope some day in the future, I can come back to old stuff and know exactly when I brought it into existence. Or maybe dating things is for satisfaction in the moment. Maybe I date things to look at it over time while I can still constantly see it: two days, three days, two weeks, three months, a year. A year? Wow, that’s a long time! And what about decades-old things? Centuries-old? Nah, I won’t think about that. That’s outside of a human lifetime.

I don’t get why people have existential crises. Like, you’re worrying about how people will remember you after you’re gone? What’s the point in that? Do you have so much sympathy that you care about it miles over your own mortality? Also, you’d end up in a similar situation to thanatophobia! You’d end up constantly worry, with every waking moment, whether your actions are making an impact on the world. Like, what’s the point in that? Just live life!

Will I ever share this? I hope I do. In fact, I hope I share it to my main blog too. I hope I share it with one of those “Keep Reading” tags that I see elsewhere on Tumblr, when the person has a bunch to things or extra words that they wanna keep behind a wall of sorts so no one’s constantly terrorized by a wall of text. I hope I figure out how to do that in time.

Also, am I getting deja vu of this very moment? Like, I’m not even done writing all this! How am I remembering something that hasn’t even finished yet? Is my memory really that bad?

I’m worried my memory will be the bane of me. I’m worried that in the end, I’ll remember very little, because I know so much more, and I’ll regret remembering so little. That would be a horrible way to die. Regret? I don’t want to feel regret on my deathbed!

I’ve thought in the past that when I grow up, and I become rich enough to own things, then I should hire a transcriber to follow me around everywhere I go and transcribe everything I say. That way, every thing I say can be written down. All my information will be on paper. Nothing will be as short-lived as the wind that takes my words away. That way, there might be a chance that even some of the more elusive words I say, perhaps the most beautiful quotes I utter that are completely unfathomable today, can survive longer than me. So nothing is lost to time.

When I was five, I had a dream. Maybe it was a nightmare. Maybe I made a post about this already. If so, then that’s scary, because I don’t remember that. I don’t like not remembering things. But anyways, I had a dream. I was standing on top of a light pole. You know those white lamp poles in New York City? The ones that curve like a hook onto the road? Yeah, I was standing on top of one of those. Somehow. I dunno how it could have supported my weight. And there were three pigeons. Three New York pigeons. Pretty slim, not like the big meaty ones you find sometimes. And the pigeons on the light pole next to me. They were closer to the pole, and I was closer to the light. I know they were exactly three pigeons. Not so sure about their placement, actually. In fact, I’m not so sure about my age at the time. Anyways, the pigeons flew away. And I jumped. I jumped from the top of the light pole. And I hit the asphalt. And I woke up, probably in a cold sweat. My heart was beating really fast. I woke up immediate before I hit the asphalt. I had felt the wind whizzing by my face. So that was the whole dream. I was on a light pole, there were three pigeons, they flew away, I jumped off the light pole, died on impact with the road, and woke up immediately before the dying part.

I feel like it’s almost like a prophecy, that eventually, that’s how I’m gonna die. That’s the clip of how I died. That I would commit suicide from the top of a light pole. And I don’t want to die that way! I don’t want to commit suicide! Life is precious! I want to die of old age, not of my own doing, fulfilling some “prophecy” that I was never told in words! That would really suck. Then again, it’s probably never going to happen. With as outlandish a story as that, I’m probably never gonna die that way. That lifts my spirits.

I’m so glad I could eventually get all these things down somewhere. Especially the “dream at five years old” part. I’m sixteen years old. I had constantly worried about how I would eventually get these thoughts down on paper somewhere. Yeah, it had always been in the back of my head. All. This. Time. It sucks, but I think I finally got it done, I think.

I didn’t want to keep this to myself, or put it in a diary entry or anything like that, because I don’t believe in privacy. Yeah sure, there are some things you keep to yourself, touchy subjects like masturbation, and if you’re lucky, you can go your whole life without a secret being told, and it dies with you on your deathbed. But I personally believe those should only be the rare cases. At least, they should. Because I’ve been growing up in a world full of information. All of human knowledge is at my fingertips, and it’s called “Wikipedia”. But still, it’s had I’d say a pretty big impact on how I view information. Information should just be out there in the world, ready for anyone to read and critique. So I’d never own a diary. To have that much information and to know no one else is looking at it would be painful. And I know that sounds counterintuitive, like how can you be scared when people are being not nosy, but that’s just my worldview. Yours can be different.

Well that’s our show for tonight, folks! Stay safe out there. And remember, you only live once.

#serious #serious tw #death tw #life tw #what tags do i use for a topic so strong #future tag

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queen-of-the-avengers · 5 years

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There is Hope After All

Characters: Natasha Romanoff x Reader, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Jarvis

Word Count: 1,156

Warnings: angst, mentions of being physically abused by your father

Summary: Natasha is familiar with abuse, so she can relate to how you are feeling when you arrive at the compound.

Squared Filled: Shared Trauma (R3)

Author’s Note: I know you guys have requests and I promise to get to them. I have two bingos I need to finish before the deadline in Aug/Sept and by the rate I am going, I will be done before that so please bear with me. This is for @tonystarkbingo and if you have any requests, please send them in! This is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me.

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

“Jarvis, what do we have on our newest member?” Tony asked his impeccable AI system.

“Here is everything I managed to get on facial recognition alone. If she would give me her name, I would be able to do a further background, sir,” Jarvis replied as he pulled up everything they had on you. Ever since coming to the Avenger’s tower, you had not said a word. Not your name, age, powers, or even a simple hello. The only thing you have done since coming here a few hours ago was sit in the room you were provided with and curl up in the corner. Tony and his fellow Avengers stared at the screen once the information popped up. He was beginning to see why you had decided to keep your mouth shut. You were scared to speak.

“Poor girl,” Natasha muttered, as he watched the videotape of you and your father on screen. When you were born, your mother died giving birth to you. You never knew her, but your father had pictures and videos of her all around the house. After all, she was the love of his life. Unlike most children with mothers who are dead because of childbirth, your father despised you. He wanted you to be the perfect daughter. He put so much pressure on you as a kid, you were scared to even ask if you could go out and hang with your friends.

He often compared you to your mother, and if he didn’t see something that wasn’t her, he would beat you for it. He always told you that he wanted the perfect daughter, that the only perfect person in the world was your mother, but it was your fault for killing her in the first place. Your father found every little reason to beat the living shit out of you. If you did the dishes wrong, you would get it. If you came home late from school, you would get it. If he was out of beer, you would get it. Everything seemed to be your fault until he found the perfect solution to his problem.

In order to have the perfect daughter, he needed to change a few things about you. It took him years to perfect the serum he wanted, but with your blood, sweat, and tears, he managed to do it. That serum would give you the power to shapeshift, and he could use that power to get rid of all your flaws so that you could be the best daughter you can be. If you weren't, he would beat you. Your life has been filled with people telling you that you weren't good enough, and it’s gotten so bad that you knew it to be true.

The only reason Tony came and got you was because you had leaked the video diaries of your dad punishing you onto the internet while he was drunk and passed out. You wanted the world to see what he was doing to you. Jarvis had found the video and contacted Tony and the team who came right away. Your father hadn’t even woken up yet before the police were putting him in handcuffs and Tony bringing you to his safe haven. Since arriving here, you had been in your room, lips sealed, curled up in the corner. You didn't talk to anyone because you were scared. Not of them, but of yourself.

“Someone needs to go talk to her,” Steve said.

“Not just anyone. We need someone who can relate to what she went through. If she sees that, then she can be a little more trusting,” Tony shook his head. “My dad was bad, but he never beat me.”

“I’ll go,” Natasha spoke up. Every head turned to hers in shock. “No, I was never beaten, well, I was, but not by my father. I’ll talk to her. I know what it’s like to be pushed to the brink and have people tell me how I was never good enough.”

“Okay. Give it a shot,” Steve nodded. Natasha grabbed some water before heading to the spare room they gave to you. She knocked on the door before entering. As soon as you saw a figure, you curled up more, but when you saw it was a female, you relaxed only slightly.

“Hey, I brought you some water. Do you want some?” she asked. Looking at the water, your throat begged for the substance, but you didn't say a word to her. Natasha saw it in your eyes how much you craved the water, so she walked closer to you before placing the glass on the ground. She knew you wouldn't reach out and grab it if she handed it to you, so when it was out of her hands, she took a seat on the bed. After analyzing that she wouldn’t be a threat, you took the glass of water and quickly downed it.

“My name is Natasha. What’s yours?”

No reply.

“You know, I was like you once, in your position,” she confessed, and you looked at her with wide eyes. The fact that someone else went through what you went through broke your heart. No one should have to go through what you did.

“I never knew my dad, but at a young age, I was recruited into the Black Widow program. I was trained in what was called the Red Room. Days and Nights of endless training, people pushing my body to extreme limits. I was told constantly that I wasn’t good enough, that I had to be perfect if I wanted to succeed. I’ve shed so many tears, sweat, and blood for that place. I was a whole new person at the end of it. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and that scared me. I was beaten into submission much like you were. My situation isn’t exactly like yours, so I can’t know how you’re feeling, but I can understand it.”

“Y/N,” you whispered for the first time since you got there. She looked at you patiently, silently encouraging you to go on. “My name is Y/N.”

“Well, Y/N, you’re safe now. Your father can’t hurt you anymore. I know he gave you these powers that you didn't ask for, but you can use them for good. There are a lot of bullies out there, and me and my team take care of them. We take care of our own, and you’re one of us now whether you choose to stay or not. We won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do, but when you’re ready, the team is out there ready to meet you.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, barely audible. Knowing that not only does a group of powerful strangers has your back, but a stranger who went through similar pain as you did warm your broken heart. Maybe there is hope after all.

If you want to be tagged, add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

@likiyoshi-lijie @until-theend-oftheline @vvishous @5aftermidnight @superapplepie @cutelittlepurplesouls @feelmyroarrrr @xxloki81xx @fuckthatfeeling @ironmandeficiency @ivvitm1109 @schwankyblock @mackevanstanfan80 @tardis-is-mine @tdntu0 @kpoplover1306-depressedgirl315 @takemyhand-letshaveablast @majesticavenger

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rpgmgames · 5 years

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February’s Featured Game: Returning Nightmares

DEVELOPER(S): Saturn ENGINE: RPGMaker 2003 GENRE: YNFG, Exploration, Adventure WARNINGS: Blood, Gore, Swearing, Suicide SUMMARY: Returning Nightmares is an exploration adventure-horror game being developed in RPG Maker 2003, inspired by Yume Nikki and it's multiple fan-made homages (but with dialogue & easier to navigate maps). You play as Akira, a young man locked up in his own bedroom, exploring his dreams to remember the events that lead him to where he is now. But some things are better left alone…

Play the demo here!

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! Hi, I'm Saturn and I like videya game. I've been into Yume Nikki since about... 2010? And RPG Maker in general since 2011. I've been cateloguing resources and reblogging RPG Maker projects on Pinkuboa for 6 & 1/2 years now (7 in June) and I run Dream Diary Jam, a game jam for making Yume Nikki Fangames. I also love pixel art, writing, and cooking, but the last one I can't make into a game (yet).

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Saturn: I was originally trying to make like a little intro to Yume Nikki project that people could peak into and copy for Dream Diary Jam & future use. However, it ended up taking a life of it's own as something I could goof off in and enjoy without thinking about it. The eventing I did for it could be better optimized, so I wouldn't use it as an example anymore (but don't mind at all if people look & learn from it!). It's basically about me thinking back on my edgy years and my years of looking at other's OCs and celebrating how goofy and fun the stories could be. A lot of the game is me asking "What would someone who watched a lot of anime and listened to MCR do?" There's an appeal to cool edgy stuff I think we forget about when we look back on our edgelord years. Sure, you may not have been the best writer and some of the stuff is over the top, but it was enjoyable to make and some of the characters still appeal to you for basic emotional reasons (good design, relatable story, fun power trip, you just like their hair, etc.) I hope the game is enjoyable to people whether or not they laugh at it or honestly have a good time with it. Both ways are valid - enjoyment is enjoyment!

How long did you work on your project? *Saturn: Oh gosh...I believe I started at the very end of 2017, like a week before the new year. Then I worked on it for like 2 months, took a break, then picked it up and went hard in September 2018 again.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Saturn: You bet buddy: -Yume Nikki -.flow -Ignite -The Looking Glass -Fleshchild -Yume Nisshi -Akuma (Yume Nikki Fangame) -Answered Prayers -Ultra Violet -Cheesy internet OCs I read as a kid -Cheesy modern horror movies -Cheesy Creepypastas ...and probably other stuff but I can't think of it right now.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Saturn: Sometimes I make a world without thinking about it all the way through and I don't know what to do it with or what to fill it with. That's why you can find a map of an Ouija board in the map files with some events and such that you can't access elsewhere. It's driving me mad still. >:T

Did any aspects of your project change over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Saturn: It went from a side project to my current project, a project I wanted to use to help others but ended up teaching myself. I know better ways of eventing now and have an idea of how to make maps and tiles better and faster.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Saturn: I prefer working alone on this game. Had it been something that I started with someone else, I'd like it with them. I do crowdsource ideas though: I'll ask discord randomly, "Hey, what should I put next in Returning Nightmares" or "Hey, what else should I put in this world?" Big shout out to Dream Diary Development & Pixel Horror for their help!!

What was the best part of developing the game? *Saturn: Seeing the worlds come together. Once a world has music in it and all the bits and pieces properly moving and intractable, it's immensely satisfying. I'd say finishing an event and having it work properly is second. Eventing is fun!

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Saturn: I find myself playing with the engine and seeing what I can do with it myself.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Saturn: I don't relate to anyone in particular because they're all kinda hollow. However, I like the hidden wizard the best since he was a D&D character I never got to use, so I have a whole backstory and personality for him!

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Saturn: I wish I planned better & fixed a few bugs for the first release. At least there's nothing game breaking: you can't get a few menus if you don't have enough money, but that's it.

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Saturn: Leave as is. This one is mostly to get me comfortable with the idea of releasing a larger game. Akira doesn't have any great stories in him, he's just him. Most of the games I got ideas for are one off since I like one off stuff. Makes everything feel complete.

With your current project, what do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Saturn: I look for people's reactions to it. There's, there's a particular place in the game that's in the shape of a 10 year old webcomic meme that I had people @ me in chats and ask if it was a reference to, while I giggled like a fool. Games like most media can be an interaction between player & creator, and that's one of the fun parts of it all.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Saturn: God I don't know if I'll break the game or make it boring in any particular way. That's my top concern.

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Saturn: Learning how to make a game is like learning how to read or how to do math: you won't be able to read To Kill a Mockingbird right away, nor will you be doing advanced algebra. It took a lot of time for you to be able to do either. Give yourself a break when you learn how to make a game as well: you won't learn how to make a big one in a month! Feel free to screw up. Someone says "Don't do that, it'll be too big"? Do it anyway: you'll either fail and learn a lesson, or you'll succeed and then look back and say, "Oh crap, I could of done that better now that I learned everything new." Either way, you got more practice to make another game, but better. "But I screwed up...." - see paragraph 1 on this question for the answer to that. Cut yourself some slack and remember you're doing this because you want to enjoy making a game! I found the best way I learned is by looking into other games (thanks Bleet & Jojogape for being cool with people looking at their games). I suggest finding the best way you learn as well, whether it's written tutorials, asking people, looking at other people's games, video tutorials, or just messing with the engine yourself. Lastly, I found the best way to take pressure off myself when making a game (as someone who loves perfection) was to make a few goofy joke games first. If they were bad, that was fine: they were supposed to be funny bad! It's like releasing steam by making MS Paint drawings, it makes you laugh and feel less nervous.

Question from last month's featured dev @leirin: What's something you really hope to see an RPG Maker game achieve in the future? * *Saturn: I want to see more games do something with the picture system in RPG Maker 2003. Like, I've seen games play with the new picture system, but not release and it's really burning my britches because it's such a great cosmetic game changer hnnnngh. Otherwise, I'm not sure. RPG Maker is a limited engine specialized for RPGs. I like watching fellow developers Cachi, Hogwash-dev, Rindre, and a few other people see how far they can push the system, but I don't have a particular "I want to see this" from something. I kinda like RPG Maker for it's limits, but I also like seeing what I wasn't expecting from it!

We mods would like to thank Saturn for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Returning Nightmares if you haven’t already! See you next month!

- Mods Gold & Platinum

#rpg maker #rpgmaker game #indie game #yume nikki fangame #ynfg #returning nightmares #returning nightmares (game)#doc-saturn #game #pixel game #gotrm #game of the month #gotm 2019 #february #gotm february #february 2019

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vampireloreskill · 5 years

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Get To Know Me

tagged by @fourfinefreshfishforyou a billion years ago, thank you so much!! i actually Did have fun filling this out even if it took me forever

anyone who still wants to do this can say i tagged them!

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Who wrote this? A fed??

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Kris

3. BIRTHDAY? This year

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? Would you believe me if I said Warriors

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Ghosts no, aliens sort of... I’m not sure I buy into whole other civilizations but I find it hard to believe that there isn’t some kind of life outside of our planet even if it’s just bacteria

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Rick Riordan is pretty cool

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Christmas

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Strawberry or peach

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? Amazing

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Your Type - Carly Rae Jepson

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I’m a big fan of defenestration

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Your Type - Carly Rae Jepson

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? I don’t like to blanket recommend shows because everyone has such different tastes

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? Tbh I just mope around until I either feel better or give up and go to sleep

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? This is an Assassin’s Creed and Sims zone ONLY

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Strangers on the internet knowing my second biggest fear

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? Objectively it’s probably my ability to see things from other people’s perspective but TBH I much prefer my sense of humor and ability to laugh at my own jokes whether or not anyone else finds them funny

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? My inability to self moderate

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? I want to say neither,, but I may be leaning towards dogs in recent years :/

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Winter, but lately Autumn has been sneaking up on it

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? Nah

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? Being small... I loved hiding in tiny spaces and being picked up

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? *cowboy voice* Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time...

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Dark brown

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? At this point it’s basically black but I still like to say dark brown

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? God, my family, probably a lot of people idk I catch feelings easily

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? Literally no one but God

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? A lot of seemingly random celebrities, if you count constantly reciting names in specific patterns as thinking

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? Yes, lots of things!

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? lmao

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? REDWALLLLL

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? I’m not sure what the opposite of shrug emoji is but the answer is still no one

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? I’m not, but someone needs to tell me that

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? I’m not sure I have any phobias? Irrational fears, Sure

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? Behind it!

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? I REALLY want to get into dollhousing

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? I know I said Les Misérables in a previous tag meme but I now remember that I actually read the first book in C.S. Lewis’s space trilogy a while back more recently

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Spider-man: Into The Spiderverse which was........ AMAZING

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? When I was younger I had a lap harp but that’s about it

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Opossums

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? I’m not a fan of naming names in this context sorry!

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? A lot, but I’ve concluded that for any powers gained I would inevitably just end up becoming a super villain and/or batman so hard pass

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? When I first wake up, and just lie there trying to hold on to what I was just dreaming about

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? It’s basically physically impossible for me not to grin like a fool watching Wander Over Yonder

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? Does Wii Bowling count

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Apple cider

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? I don’t know? Probably when I wanted to wake up at a certain time

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Sometimes? Depends on how possible it is that I could fall

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Dry skin currently

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? I was going to say no but I have the distinct feeling that I have even though I didn’t remember absolutely anything about it except maybe the auditorium?

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? No

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? Zookeeper

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? Um. Eternia?? ajfghdk

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? Not growing as a person

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? Not really, but I do like the ability to turn on lights if I need to

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? My vocal cords were made for Christmas carols and little else. But yeah, sometimes.

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? I’m not... sure?

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? I’ll let you know when I’ve found it

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Where I already do

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? Yes

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Night owl

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunsets

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? I feel like I could make an educated guess in an emergency

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Headphones

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? No

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I feel like it’s probably pop or disco tbh

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Jesus

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? Here and there, the only series I’ve actually read all the way through is Cable & Deadpool (2004) but I want to get into Venom

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? Not to be cliche but injustice of any kind

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? Real book, I like turning pages and the way the cover fits into my hands. Can’t say I’m a fan of the smell though.

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? Vocabulary

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? Yes

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Sims 4 packs

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′2 or so

75. CAN YOU COOK? If it involves anything other than a microwave or a toaster then,,, no

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? Vampires, villains in love, wood paneling

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? Intrusive thoughts, Marius Pontmercy, mint flavored toothpaste

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? I... Have more female mutuals

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Bisexual but like it’s Complicated. Also this is the first time I’ve ever actually said that directly so ✌️🎉

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? A fed wrote this

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? My mom

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Earlier this month

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? I don’t really follow any, but I used to be obsessed with the videos of this one guy who acted out crossovers of DC/Marvel characters with action figures and had a really great voice

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? I do! I just never do anything with them once I’ve taken them lol

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? I don’t have one right now, but I adore choose your own adventure ones

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? Pretty good with my adoptive parents. I want to be closer with my birth mom but I don’t... really know how to go about that without being a disappointment. Never met my birth dad which has been eating at me somewhat lately.

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? Uhh Australian maybe??

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Mexico

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 6

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Do you take me for a clown

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? Yes, I’m a nondenominational christian

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? The ocean, it’s teeming with life and I find it bafflingly fascinating how there’s still so much we don’t know about it

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? Absolutely not

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? Almost every single time we go shopping in Sam’s Club I get inexplicably feverish and nauseous and feel like I’ve thrown out my back until we get to the check out. That and I may have a dairy allergy? But honestly my stomach is acting out every other day so who knows really.

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Ye

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? No

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Not as often as I should

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Aesthetically, the beach, but forests are less sandy

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? Pat, don’t rub (When drying your hands)

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? mmMM I don’t really lie, like, seriously about stuff that I can recall? I’ll jokingly say stuff that blatantly isn’t true and even then I sometimes feel guilty and confess seconds later. Unless you count lying by omission? Or saying stuff like “I’m fine” LMAO. The World May Never Know

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? We Don’t Discuss Harry Potter On This Blog, but ravenclaw all the way and any test that tries to sort me into hufflepuff isn’t Valid

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Generally just when I’m alone

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? Introvert

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? I’ve tried, but I just don’t have the attention span for it asdfgh. Sometimes I write down my dreams though.

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? Yes

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Convince someone else to pick it up and check for ID

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? Yes

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? That’s a personal question

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yes

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? No

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Count Dracula from Monster Family (2017) ok so,,, i know he tried to freeze the entire world because a married woman rejected him but LISTEN

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? No

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? Following Jesus

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? Mm, not karma per say, but I do generally think that what goes around often comes around in way or another

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? No

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? NO

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? Idk! there a lot different types of smart people

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? Nice try, but someone might actually read this

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? I’m basically nocturnal so... yeah

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES? Various jewel tones

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? Ehhhhhhh

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Not that I know of

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 21

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? I can’t really think of one right now

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Whichever I’m in the mood for!

#tag meme

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