My favorite response to internet discourse has got to be “fair enough.” Like, I acknowledge what you said and you are entitled to your preferences but I am not inclined to be influenced by them.

sorry for the sudden rant but I absolutely hate this recent trend of revisionism and downplaying all the toxicity on tumblr to "flex" on other websites or whatever like every time anyone says anything about harassment or bigotry or just negative behavior on here half the notes are like "you mean on twitter/tiktok/instagram lmao" NO WE MEAN ON HERE TOO

don't act like this website hasn't been making callouts and harassing and doxxing each other over every single minor disagreement for over a decade do you remember what happened to john green? the xkit guy?? the creators of voltron? or like, the steven universe and homestuck (and many other) fandoms in general??? how many people have been threatened and suicide baited just for saying mundane things like "i think this fictional character wasn't that bad" or whatever?? there is not a single opinion - positive or negative - you can have on this website without threat of discourse or outright harassment. one of the main reasons i don't blog about my interests as much as i used to was because half the people on here don't know how to disagree without being needlessly antagonistic or accusatory. even after years of hitting that block button, it still feels like navigating a landmine field sometimes.

yes other websites are insufferable and i do consider tumblr to be on the more tolerable side but for the love of god ignoring the problem does not make it go away. it does not make you better than others. it just allows that problem to fester and grow.

stop, and acknowledge the problem. please.

I just found another Miles smut

They literally “aged them up” because it was like hcs ig and said that MINORS WEREN’T ALLOWED TO INTERACT

Literally barfing

i hmm this is such a convo

bc which miles? comic miles (ew)? itsv/atsv miles? PlayStation miles? i lowk hope it was play station miles bc that one is 17, and while he still is technically a minor, in a lot of places 17 is considered an adult. its still gross but slightly less gross? i'm-- so many thoughts about this.

its not like i don't condone smut, its just hard to figure out where the disconnect is with smut writers. below 18 in the u.s is considered a minor, however in different places its different. for example, in s. korea 19 is adult, not 18.

so likeeee very multifaceted in the sense that laws are different everywhere, and atsv was released in most countries.

bc i was born in the united states w a v rigid view on adulthood, yes this shit is fucking disgusting literally let him be a black boy not a fucking man. that's gross and rooted in racism bc i fine boaf miles' fine but i ain't never once thought about fucking them hello?!? i am also fairly certain that the people writing them are either a) sheltered or b) white. the sheltered thing i can understand because im first gen and my version of the sex talk was when i was really young at an art museum w some paintings of nudity with my aunt (who attended catholic school) who told me to 'hold an aspirin between your thighs', and i also didn't get sex ed in school. so i understand the 'draw' of writing taboo shit and consuming it but. baby. come awwwnnnnn. like yeah, good on you for acknowledging ur very human sexual desires, but what the fuck miles is a minor please stop.

i love love love that this fandom has opinions/ visions for characters but yall needa chill. that 'hobie is in love with miles because he turns pink!' is cute when its just your opinion, however the color doesn't necessarily dictate his emotions (at least we don't know for sure, we don't know much abt hobie), and he also turned from yellow to pink while holding mayday. the pink can symbolize adoration if u will. that's not to say you cant have ur punkflower hcs, js don't PUSH it yall. ur human, okay? a lot of people have sexual desires which is cool but stop pushing ur horny on a minor and animated character. its not cool, does not pass the vibe check.

unrelated but in the same vibe as the previous rant-- gwens character. there's a lot of discourse rn about her possibly being trans WHICH IS COOL but I've seen people attack others for politely disagreeing. i love that a lot of people are feeling comfortable and recognized with possible hints towards peoples identities, but please calm the fuck down. it was never that serious, never that deep babes i promise. because, yes, representation is quite wonderful (speaking as a queer black girl) but it doesn't always spark change, sometimes it causes the latter. and in this instance of yall projected ur opinions to the absolute max, is not inciting change. its inciting anger, disagreement, and toxcity. i'm not gonna lie, i'm on the side of lets js leave things where they are until animators disclose something. but rae their color schemes-- yall do know that pride flags were also created with aesthetics in mind, right? blue, pink and white go pretty together, AND they compliment lighter skin tones (like gwen). purple blue and pink go good together too, and we see a lot of that in miles' palate. BECAUSE IT COMPLIMENTS MELANIN. i love love love how people are incorporating themselves and their identities into this movie, shit i even do this, but can yall CHILL? for the love of god.

moral of the story: stop and think for a sec, okay? i promise your brain has good thoughts, but not everything has to be shared with the world.

One last post, and while this applies to this situation I think it’s also important generally to understand that simply not maintagging your crit or neg or discourse isn’t really enough. While this is a barrier that might help prevent ccs from seeing it for a bit, those posts get reblogged and shared across the fandom anyways, and it’d be stupid to think that it’s just never ever going to reach a cc because it’s not easily searchable. Also if you the original poster tag it with something, the filtering of that tag also applies to reblogs, so if you tag something with #discourse and someone reblogs it without the tag, the tumblr filter does still filter the reblog as #discourse, so it does matter whether or not you tag your posts (at least it does this for me in iOS on mobile, not sure abt other platforms).

Secondly, just because people are following you does not mean they must agree with every opinion you have, especially when it comes to lore. In addition, people might find very specific kinds of crit or neg or discourse triggering, but the rest of your posts are fine to them. If someone politely asks if you could tag a specific kind of post, unless that kind of post is the majority of what you post, it’s really rude to say that they should just get over it or unfollow, especially over a minor incident, and especially over an issue that you don’t talk about much. Yes, they can unfollow and try to find someone else who tags their stuff, but the problem that is happening is that no one is tagging their posts with these warnings. People are running into content they would normally like to avoid on blogs they otherwise trust and are forced to unfollow whole circles of the community that they actually want to be a part of, forcing them to further disengage from the entire community that refuses to tag over what is almost always a one-time disagreement that they don’t want to see conflict about. It seems extreme, but with less and less people tagging their crit and discourse and neg, it’s becoming impossible to avoid crit, discourse, and neg, across the board.

Just….listen. Obviously you are allowed to criticize things, and even find joy in it! But you have to understand that not everyone does, and especially not for the exact same things that you do. Tags are meant for filtering. On tumblr obviously they get used in a very unique way, but their original purpose of filtering is still deeply important. They take two seconds to add. They do nothing to hurt you or your post but they do everything to help others. Please please please, if someone politely asks you to tag something, it costs you absolutely nothing to tag it, and there is no reason not to aside from your own pride. When people ask, they are not trying to start an argument, they are not angry with you, they are politely trying to curate their experience here. It is not a huge ask to tag your neg, crit, and discourse. Please consider doing it more.

this is about ridiculous online discourse so theres your warning to not read it

but i am so fucking tired of grown adults thinking that theyre in the right for going out of their way to belittle and patronise children on the internet

does it matter if a 15 year old thinks your ship is creepy? like, seriously, why does that bother you? if you’ve been tagging it appropriately then the 15 year old shouldnt be seeing it in the first place, but also, if you dont like what someone’s saying you can block them

i don’t understand how people can reach their late 20s, early 30s or older and still not know how to maturely handle disagreements, but then, i guess it’s not that uncommon for adults to be insanely disrespectful towards children

not like the whole ‘discourse’ is actually ‘adults v minors’, anyway. it’s ridiculous that it gets characterised that way. there are adults who are ‘antis’ and kids who are ‘proship’ (which, you know is a whole issue itself, but let’s not get into it)

im not an ‘anti’ or a ‘proship’ because i think both labels are absolutely ridiculous and reductive, and if you make shipping discourse a major part of your identity and youre not a 15 year old im going to think youre fucking weird and want nothing to do with you, though id take being around an ‘anti’ any day

because, like, what impact is the anti really going to have on the real world? you can block them and move on. if it gets really bad you can turn off your anon or spend less time online. sure that sucks for you, and im not pro-harassment, but there are practical things you can do to limit how much of an impact it has on you

but rape culture is a thing that impacts every survivor, which is what’s being perpetuated when people romanticise sexual assault, csa, grooming or incest. i can’t get away from a society that thinks im to blame for my abuse, that im over-reacting being traumatised, or that abuse simply doesnt happen. i cant just turn my computer off and get away from it because its fucking everywhere

‘fiction doesn’t impact reality’ is absolute bullshit and if you’re an adult you must know that’s true. the simple fact that you’re writing or reading fic is evidence of fiction impacting reality. there have been countless sociological studies on the impact of fiction on how we think, propaganda is a thing, and fiction impacting reality is the entire reason why things like positive representation matters. or do you also think its fine for every fictional character to be a white cishet man?

to you, what you’re writing or reading about might ‘just’ be fiction, and you may not think that impacts your real life, but to me and many other survivors it reflects things that we’ve really experienced, and attitudes that we’ve seen

you write a fic where someone gets groomed, but the fic presents this as cute and romantic? yeah, well, that’s how my abuser wanted our relationship to be presented, too. you write a fic that involves an incestuous relationship, but hey it’s not a big deal because it’s not like they lived together, or it’s not like they had a big age gap, or it’s okay because they really care for each other? cool, that’s another justification that abusers use. you can’t separate these things from reality because these are real ideas that real abusers use to control their real victims

what’s a fun ‘taboo’ story to you is a lifetime of real trauma to someone else

this shit is why i don’t feel safe engaging with fandom. i love writing, i love discussing fandom with other people, and i’ve even started to enjoy drawing, but it feels like more trouble than it’s worth. do i really want to risk having an episode because some self-centered, patronising git thinks that pedophilia is actually super hot? hell fucking no

and like, i dont think either side is ‘right’, because it’s not like either side is one set ideology, it’s a bunch of different people all saying different things. but when the worst crime of one side is saying ‘thats a problematic heigh difference’ and the worst crime of the other side is saying ‘that 6 year old is sexy’, it’s really fucking easy to decide which one i’d rather deal with

(and yes i know im strawmanning both sides there, thats the point)

like god yall are so hostile towards survivors, and you either don’t know or don’t care, but i’m erring more towards the second one, because i bet not a single proshipper would ever be willing to actually listen

literally all i want is to be able to engage with fandom without having to see this fucked up discourse, but yall keep proving my point by refusing to tag shit

(and none of this is even getting into the way some of yall think youre above criticism. you want your fanwork to be respected but only when people are kissing your ass. cant take basic levels of social critique, throwing a tantrum if a 15 yr old doesnt want to see your porn)

Exposing D@isuki21, now f!v3y@h3@rtsf!ktor: toxic person in the TUA Fandom who has borderline web-stalked and harassed queer minors w/ homophobic abuse

MAJOR Trigger Warnings: Homophobia, Lesbophobia, mention of and harassment to do with r@pe, telling ppl to unalive themselves, borderline web-stalking, homohpbic slurs hurled at minors... basically think of the most abusive online conduct you could imagine

“I WISH YOU DIE DISGUSTING LESBIAN BITCH, UNNATURAL”

“"GO CRYING DIRTY AND STUPID LESBIAN BITCH"

(said to a 15 year old via Instagram DM...)

Hey Umbrella Academy Fandom. As you all know, this fandom has a lot of discourse and lets be honest, bitching and moaning over minor disagreements about a character’s sexuality, ships, inc3st, p3dophila, etc. I've had my fair sure of admittedly immature pissing contests on here over minor disagreements, as I'm sure many of you have, and I'm not trying to act like I'm perfect. I’ve made myself into a clown many times.

But there is one user in particular who is a raging homophobe/lesbophobe and has been incredibly abusive to others on this site for years....  

Go to where it says THE WORST OF IT to skip the intro if you know about her general bullshit, to see the actual borderline stalking + homophobic harassment of minors. Scroll to the very end for screenshots. 

BASIC CONTEXT:

This user currently goes by the URL fiv3y@h3@rtsf!ktor and used to go by D@isuki21, and various other iterations of that name/various others and has made multiple accounts, always to pass herself off as a different person. I have interacted with her before, and I know many individuals who have been targeted by her since at least 2020 (probably earlier), and she’s still on her bullshit. But the distinctive communication style and sheer ridiculousness of her statements makes it very clear that it’s the same person. Namely, her wording is very fucked up and full of typos and misspellings, and reads very much like a child throwing a temper tantrum. She often dissolves into overuse of emojis especially the 🤡 emoji (ironic if you ask me).

So I wasn’t going to say anything, but I just learned from my new pal @ultimate--sheep​ some new information that was the final straw, and we both decided we had to say something. 

WHAT WE KNOW:

This person is 23 years old (though she acts like she’s 15), she is a MASSIVE 5ya stan and while I’m sure there are many wonderful people who ship 5ya, this person is NOT one of them, and she gives the ship a bad rep with her incredibly immature, problematic behavior. She basically picks fights by going into “rival” ships’ tags (IE Vissy) and into the “Anti 5ya ” tag (which is obviously intended to be blacklisted by 5ya shippers and used to keep 5ya shippers from seeing it, unless the 5ya shipper is D@isuki and  is deliberately looking for a fight) and then she harasses people simply for shipping Viktor with someone other than Five.

In particular she used to go off on people who used to headcanon/perceive season 2 Viktor as a lesbian. She would also get into fights with people for pointing out that 5ya is incest/psuedo-incest + pseudo-pedophila in the Anti- 5ya tag – she got mad at me once because asked her to admit that it was at least pseudo-incest (I specified that I wasn’t judging her for shipping incest, but for denying that it was incest to begin with – you can’t have a ship called ‘Harcest’ and claim it’s not incest it’s IN THE NAME). She called me various childish nicknames, I don’t remember everything…

She harasses people and frames it as 'arguments' but it's 90% incoherent nonsense, name-calling, straw man bullshit, and then she blocks them and tells them "DNI" and makes posts to her followers AFTER she has blocked the person telling her followers vitriolic BS about how the other person is an idiot and an "anti."

HOW WE ( D@isuki & I) MET:

I don't 100% remember how we met but you can scroll through my page to find receipts. I think what happened is that she responded to someone else's post I saw describing their headcanons for the characters’ sexuality (one of those things that were like ‘Five and Luther are ace’, ‘allison and diego are bi’, ‘V is a lesbian’ etc.). The OP called pre transition Viktor a lesbian and D@isuki WENT OFF on them saying they were biphobic, etc. Her argument claimed it was biphobia but they were also complaining about why "you don't need to make everyone LGBT" which like ????????? you don’t sound like that great of an ally, hon. and it's a HEADCANON. Let people live. And when I argued that V could be a lesbian and Leonard could have very easily been comphet, she claimed that comphet “doesn’t exist anymore in the 21st century…” (I stg… i cant make this shit up)

Anyways… she frequently not only changes her url but I believe make new accounts to harass ppl through. And then she denies it when people identify her (see the below from when I recently called her out:

“Changing my username makes me crazy? Weak argument I say so myself also I’m not d@isuki-21 wow the fact you assume I’m them makes me realize you’re obsessed with them. I never block you or anyone in your anti 5ya community.”

(bro how obvious can you be…)

THE WORST OF IT:

I wasn't going to even say anything about this person, except I recently met Juno @ultimate--sheep​, who informed me that D@isuki also is on Instagram and has gotten into a similar argument with them, and then somehow found (IE stalked) them on Reddit too and proceeded to harass them on there too,  telling them they "must habe been r@ped a lot when they were a child" and that their art (Viktor w/ a lesbian flag) is "disgusting and biphobic," and told them to get "psychological help" for pointing out homophobia from 5ya shippers.

She also:

–Stole Juno's art twice (took their lesbian pride Viktor artwork and changed it to a bi flag).

–Made several abusive comments on their lesbian friends insta posts calling Vissy “disgusitng”

–Took a picture of Juno’s ex-friend’s Insta profile, who was a 15 year old MINOR (remember, this b*tch is 23 YEARS OLD) and wrote over it: "Disgusting lesbian looking for sex. Prostitute”

–Targeted Juno’s friend again on IG taking pictures of Sissy and putting stink marks on them, writing abusive things like "DIE", etc.

And the worst one… messaging the same MINOR (age 15) and telling them:

“I WISH YOU DIE DISGUSTING LESBIAN BITCH, UNNATURAL”

“"GO CRYING DIRTY AND STUPID LESBIAN BITCH"

IN CONCLUSION:

Guys.... I am a bisexual woman, and if it isn’t already clear enough, there is no way in hell that this person is “defending a bisexual character” and standing up against biphobia. This person is anti-LGBT and anti WLW PERIOD! She is a homphobe and a heinous person in general who frames herself as being an ally ONLY when it serves the 5ktor/5ya ship.

And listen, I want to be clear on this: I’m not saying shipping5ya makes you a bad person – but how can you ship something that is pseudo-incest and then turn around and call a normal ass, CANON lesbian ship “unnatural” and “disgusting?”

This is not the behavior of a mentally healthy person -- but that is not an excuse. I am asking you for your safety to report/not interact with this person if you see them/have any suspicions that it’s them. It is not worth your time and I am genuinely concerned that the stalking and harassment behavior could turn into something more serious.

SCREENSHOTS:

Subjective Opinions on Twitter Pro Shipping

So, I said I would talk about it at some point, and now apparently is that point. I’m hoping not to ramble for too long, but here are some of my feelings on the pro ship community (and atmosphere) on this site versus on Twitter.

Tumblr is a shithole. It’s a hellsite. But ever since the porn ban, its usership has gone down so significantly that most of the discourse fuckery has moved. Tumblr is still full of suicide baiting, abusive, angry assholes, but it’s much less than what it once was. The site is kind of dead. So, as a result, the pro ship community here is much more niche and friendly with each other. I can count on my hands the number of times we’ve had infighting or huge dramatic blowups here.

Twitter, on the other hand, has all the Tumblr refugees, and the atmosphere represents that accordingly. The antis are more toxic, and so are the pro shippers. I’m sure my close friends who use both sites can back me up on this, the difference between the two is honestly astounding. I can’t entirely blame it on the migration between Tumblr and Twitter, since Twitter also has the character limit that deliberately limits nuance, encourages bad takes, and shits all over any attempts to have an intellectual discussion.

While pro ship discourse on this site tends to be paragraphs of well-thought-out analysis, discussions on psych, sociology, fandom history, internet culture, etc, etc, Twitter discourse is usually short, to-the-point, inflammatory comments. Real spicy hot takes. I see a lot more vile shit there, including bigotry and harassment, because people lose their tempers quickly and make explosive comments equally as fast. I see actual full threads a lot less.

As a result, pro shippers on Twitter are always turning on each other. Making callouts against each other, infighting, vagueposting, getting heated over ideological disagreements, etc, etc. There’ve been, like, ten different issues that have popped up just in the last month, it’s honestly wild. All of these are discussions that are had here on Tumblr, too, of course, but because of no character limit, I feel like people can more patiently explain their viewpoints without jumping down each other’s throats. I’ll readmore the rundown.

Quick rundown of the last few I can remember, not in exact chronological order:

JDWrites is radically anti-censorship, including being against censoring some tone-deaf art of a furry character wearing a Confederate flag bikini. (Which, let me clarify, is racist art, for sure.) People interpret this as defense of a racist symbol, which isn’t what JD was saying, she acknowledged it was racist but was against censoring it. JD gets angry at this interpretation and makes some harsh comments about being against censorship of any kind, even distasteful shit, which is why she turns a blind eye to lolisho fan pro shippers and their “child rape porn”. JD gets called racist. Attempts to compromise haven’t worked out. (STILL not resolved.)

Boomrslayer asks Fanexus staff about their positions on allowing MAPs onto the site/MAP discourse. Fanexus say they can’t really moderate effectively against MAPs joining, because no site has had success with that and it can get witch-hunty, so they’re not making any explicit rules to ban MAPs themselves, only glorification of CSA. Boomrslayer disagrees with this stance and says it’s too lenient and could be dangerous. Both sides go after each other, Boomr gets doxxed, some other folks get doxxed. It’s a mess. (The doxxing hasn’t resolved.)

The entire community eats itself over whether explicit RPF of minors is okay/should be illegal/is defensible under pro shipping ideas/etc. (Personally I think it goes too far to be ethically sound, but I’m not throwing around the word pedophile at those who disagree with me.) (This is also still not resolved. Callouts on both sides.)

Fanexus mods are accused by an ex-staff member of being shitty to them, including belittling their mental health issues, and not paying them for their work when they expected payment. Fanexus mods say ex-member was hostile and making them feel unsafe. (Honestly imho both sides acted badly here. And also, private community drama is personal shit that I disagree with being aired in public like dirty laundry. Unless it’s dangerous to the public, the court of public opinion is irrelevant to interpersonal fallings out. From my subjective view, of course.)

Dark Side of Fandom: Grooming in Discord?

The joys of fanfiction are known to many. It is an activity that has brought people together from all corners of the world, engaging them in literature and stories, generating interest in creative writing in an environment that is generally open and welcoming.

It bears knowing, however, that not all pockets of fanfiction communities are void of deeply troubling elements and individuals. Furthermore, some of these deeply troubling individuals have acted much like beacons, attracting like-minded individuals to them.

In mid-July 2020 a series of events in Discord, spanning over several servers, revolving around a single individual in the Tomarry (Tom Riddle x Harry Potter) pairing community, revealed an alarming pattern of coordinated and collaborative predatory and gaslighting behaviour. And though this account could begin from any of the servers involved, perhaps it remains best to begin from the heart of the matter: a server known as Chaotic Smutty, created by user Asa4929, who has chosen to name himself “Lord Asa”, encouraging others to refer to him as such after adopting “Death Eater” names.

And though this could’ve remained a matter of a Harry Potter fan playing a role with his online friends, harmlessly existing in a server of their own making… that is not what happened.  Facilitation of engagement of minors in sexually explicit discourseIt must first be understood that the members of Chaotic Smutty were not real life friends of Asa, but were pulled over from another server. Prior to the creation of Chaotic Smutty, Asa had already begun amassing a following of ‘fans’ from a larger fandom Discord Server by the name, Chamber of Secrets (CoS). Asa’s server was created after a number of disagreements between Asa and the moderators of CoS. One of these disagreements included the age restriction set by the CoS’ moderators due to frequent sexually explicit discussions within the server, which will be addressed in greater detail below. Asa then set about inviting his fans to his private server. The initial claim that many accepted and agreed with was that he wanted to create a “safe space” for younger people to discuss sex and sexuality.

[Image: Chaotic Smutty’s Server Rules. Screenshot retrieved 15th of July 2020.]

It was soon evident, however, that the discussions in this server were far from that of a sex-ed class. The owner of the server held what was termed ‘livewrites’ that meant writing paragraphs of fiction ‘live’ for server members to read, comment and react on.

He would also open the voice-chat function to read out the content he had written. Server discussions and livewrites included: dubious consent, non-consensual acts (rape), incest, sex toys and dildos from Bad Dragon, and necrophilia.

[Image: An example of one of the tamer live-writing sessions by Asa. 25th of June 2020.]

While these are arguably conservations and discussions that could consensually take place in an online space, the question that rises is: are these conversations into which a minor should be invited?

When it was brought up on the 16th of March that a 13 year old was active on the server, Asa reacted with boredom and disinterest. Few weeks later on the 30th of March when Blaise’s age was brought up again, Asa reacted with disdain towards another user’s brief concern by stating “not this again”, effectively silencing the follower who had indicated surprise at the presence of a minor. Between these two instances the minor had been involved in sexually charged conversations in the server.

[Image: Though this is not the first or last time Blaise has revealed their age (13) in the Chaotic Smutty server, it is yet another example of the awareness of other members towards the fact that there is a minor in the server. March 16th 2020.]

[Image: Members discuss sex toys with Blaise. 26th of March 2020]

When user “regulus black” asks if they should be concerned after Blaise reveals once again that they’re 13, Asa is quick to close the discussion with “Can we not get into this topic again”. March 30th 2020

To clarify on the timeline: the minor’s age was established first on the 16th of March, and again on 30th of March 2020 - in both cases not only was age dismissed, but in the second one the conversation regarding it was firmly nipped in the bud. Between these two instances Blaise had been engaged in a conversation revolving around sex-toys. Then on the 15th of June 2020 the minor was asked by Asa to look at luxury vibrators.

[Image: Asa singles out Blaise who had at least twice by then established their age (13) in Asa’s presence, by instructing them to look at luxury vibrators. 15th of June]

Grooming of minors is a growing problem online, though thankfully its signs are clear and well-identified. An info-pdf published by https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents states the following:

Once a relationship is established an offender may then introduce sexual themes to the conversation, for example, asking the child about their sexual experiences, sharing pornography with them or asking them for sexual pictures of themselves. Different offenders will have different approaches so whereas this process may be very quick it can also take days, weeks or even months.

When Asa received a request from Discord Administration to comply with the Terms of Service in regards to the NSFW (Not Safe For Work) content, the members remarked that the entire channel is NSFW. Snow, another minor (age undisclosed) was quick to suggest a “solution” to getting around the age restriction with the support of other server users, showcasing instantly that compliance with the rules was only skin-deep, and earlier practices would continue to be facilitated.

[Image: Asa forwarding the request of Discord Admins on the 15th of July, teasing the possibility of no longer facilitating the engagement of minors in sexual discourse. This didn’t last long.]

[Image: Members state that the whole channel is NSFW (not safe for work). Snowy, another minor in the channel, suggests a way to get around the rule, receiving support.]

[Image: Asa promises to set up separate NSFW channels. Does not indicate any interest in restricting access to those channels, making their existence merely a formality]

Surrounded by numerous discord users in a channel of over seventy participants, how is it that this conduct had been allowed to continue? Certainly a part of it is due to the ineffectiveness of the discord policies and a surface-level implementation of minor and underage protection guidelines. However, why do these rules and Discord ToS that are put in place not spark deeper thinking in the server members and reflection on their own actions? Does nobody question why the Discord ToS is written to prevent minors from engaging in discussion of explicit sexual topics and how it is a larger issue raised in many countries’ legislation as well? In order to understand that, we delve into the dynamics of the group and the people surrounding Asa.

as tumblr has limitations on their posts, please follow these links.

pt2 pt3 Statement abt usernames Update

There's a bit of irony is that while everyone is so eager to point out the moral "laziness" of media like Skyrim or the new Spiderman that completely misconstruct the nature of the conflict and essentially push somewhat dangerous ideas, there are actually few peoples who will look at the process used in those stories and think about how it apply to them or their in-group. Which result in peoples who will proudly criticize the most obvious form of propaganda, that originate from known sources, but are in practicality incapable of recognizing the actual way misinformation, propaganda and half-truth spread.

Like, take any internet/fandom discourse (As in, not discourse based on genuine ideological disagreement, but surrounding a debated problem/issue on some niche aspect of internet/fandom, like a certain ship or media access). Most peoples of both side will have an utter conviction that the other side is made of completely unreasonable peoples, with various type of mental illness or criminal behavior (those discourse quickly degenerate into accusations of either), that can only be right on accident. After all, the internet is full of screencap of "them" being wrong, "them" being idiot, and so we're the smart ones, right? right?

I have yet to meet a person involved in any discourse to even stop for a second, and consider: "Hmm, most of my information on this discourse come from peoples who share my opinions, and are thus less likely spread examples of genuine good argument on the other side, while more likely to spread the marginal shit take from them and hiding our own. All this happening not (necessarily) out of ill intent but due to the many human cognitive bias and the social pressure of my community to stick together against our enemy. I am thus, without awareness of it, spreading the same type of inaccuracy as those on the other side, exaggerating the scope and reasons of a conflict that could possibly be only a minor technical disagreement."

This may seem specific, but that's actually pretty general. It's the process of polarization, which has the dangerous effect of radicalizing both groups. I've seen it in shipping discourse, in accessibility discourse, in "this show is bad and you shouldn't watch it" discourse, in the whole "Anti vs Anti-Anti" discourse, in actual real life politic... And like, I'm not saying that as a "oh, the middle alternative's always the best, there is no right or wrong", because on many of these issues I have leaning in one way or another. But this whole thing completely exacerbate discussion that could be solved very easily if you got everyone to stop thinking anybody who disagree is either a "misguided moron" or a "actively malevolent asshole". It make it impossible to actually know what is being discussed, what are the fact, what are the arguments, who did what, etc...

Like, everyone love to reblog that Garfield "You are not immune to propaganda", but it's always from the perspective of thinking it's always an intentional trick of some rich asshole, which is oftentimes the case, but not only. Even YOU and your community can start spreading disinformation and propaganda without even someone deciding it, just because tribalism is more comfortable and it's easier to think this is something only done on and by others.

The various MDZS fans // Under The Magnifying Glass

Alright, fans! As a fellow fan, I know you’re out there - I’ve lurked, I’ve chatted with, and I’ve disturbed a great many of you. Now I’m going to treat you like a specimen, and you can’t escape!

I’ve compiled a short meta piece about the various fans in the MDZS fandom, one that should be taken, once again, with a grain of salt. You know I love all of you, but here’s a sprinkle of, “I see you, I’m calling you out”. 😉

This is by no way accurate, obviously, but I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Wei Ying fans are shameless

And they tend to be more open in the real world than most other fans in comparison. Cheerful and belligerent, these fans are the ones who’ll loudly push their agenda and rope you into the slippery, slippery rabbit hole of the MDZS fandom, shouting about how “LAN ZHAN IS THE MOST WONDERFUL BOYFRIEND.”

You’d look into what a Lan Zhan is, and fall into the trap of Xianxia hell, unable to claw your way out of it until you’ve completed at least forty different works, either in paint or in letter. This is when they’ll cackle and attempt to figure out what your AO3 username is.

When dealing with Wei Ying fans in the real world, consider employing a milder approach. Do not allow them influence you into making more explicit fanfiction than you probably should, if you can. Apply caution in public, for they can be extremely boisterous in their sharing of many overly-stimulating pictures with your friends who may not know or want to know what WangXian is about.

Lan Wangji fans

Are Wei Ying fans. No person who can directly relate to Lan Wangji would read a BL light novel like that.

Or they do, but you just don’t know it.

Lan Xichen fans

Secretly want to sleep with him.

Jin Guangyao fans are social animals

When they’re not sobbing over their coveted redemption arcs for their favorite character, or coming up with excuses reasons for his misconduct, that is.

Small gatherings are likely to be favored by fans who relate to Jin Guangyao, enjoying parties and the like that are quiet and easy to mingle in. It is either this, or they enjoy in-depth online discussions, mostly involving intrigue and character building or thesis, and spend much time on social media networks.

More than half the time, people in the real world don’t even know that Jin Guangyao fans read fanfiction, look at fanart, or create them. At least 80 to 90 percent of Jin Guangyao fans would have read the novel, since they are more or less discourse and/or research-driven.

Just like the two-faced Jin Guangyao, many fans of his hide their true nature very well, appearing in public as general mass-media consumers. However, upon further engagement, they may reveal themselves to the possible Er-ge’s in their lives.

Jiang Cheng fans are mama dragons

Whatever you do, don’t make them angry.

This doesn’t mean that they’re not sympathetic, however. It’s just that their quick tempers and fiery typing skills can break your e-legs. Whether it’s a disagreement about a pairing, or about an interpretation, they’ll want to come up on top and victorious.

On the flip side, if a Jiang Cheng fan favors you and you’ve gotten into a spot of trouble, they’ll be out there on a war path trying to find out who bullied you in an attempt break the perpetrator’s legs. Using their keyboard typing skills, of course.

Lan Sizhui fans are anxious helicopter parents

Generally wishing to keep their little baby A-Yuan safe and happy, Lan Sizhui fans are mostly mama bear types. If a piece features even a miniscule part about Lan Sizhui, say, falling down in the mud or getting told off in an argument, be sure to receive comments almost entirely about said scene, even though it may only be a minor part of an entire 10,000-word story.

Stories and art revolving around Lan Sizhui put out by his fans are most likely to include either carrots, rabbits, radishes, Uncle Ning, or the WangXian parents. Similar to Jin Ling, Lan Sizhui fans tend to be fans of Wei Ying or WangXian.

A smaller subset of Lan Sizhui fans are fans of Jin Ling, but mostly in context of Lan Sizhui being the only one courteous enough to be polite towards him.

Jin Ling fans are split between two types

Namely those who’ve always dreamed of being a little prince/princess, and those who relate to Jiang Cheng or Wei Wuxian.

More than half of Jin Ling’s fans are fans of his uncle Jiang and Wei, and may relate to them in terms of being a parental figure, looking over their emotionally injured baby prince. Wei Wuxian fans are louder when it comes to demanding for a happy ending for Jin Ling, while Jiang Cheng fans may explicitly include him in every piece of fanfiction or fanart they’ve ever created.

Whether Wei Wuxian has started a family with Lan Wangji, or Jiang Cheng has gotten married to Lan Xichen or Nie Huaisang, you can be sure that any intersecting Jin Ling fans would have included him in their grand scheme of adoption, or eventually have him married to their only-begotten son.

The ones who’ve always dreamed of being a little prince or princess? They have very few friends in real life, and may have just written an article about you since they had the free time, for having no one to socialize with.

Ouyang Zizhen fans don’t like to be left out

He’s part of the quartet, dammit! It’s not a trio! Be it to your face in real life or over the internet, Zizhen fans would be sure to remind you that he’s part and parcel of the junior unit.

Usually also helicopter parents of the Sizhui Fan variety, Ouyang Zizhen fans desire him to find romance and inherit the sect safely, and may prefer pieces that depict him as intelligent, resourceful and the leader or champion of the junior QUARTET.

Lan Jingyi fans

Are the worst. 😤🖐️

Wen Ning fans are elusive

Likely because they don’t want to be the reason to split the canon couple up. Most Wen Ning fans may or may not prefer stories where Wen Ning pines for the extremely unavailable Wei Wuxian, or ones where he is seen as an uncle figure to Lan Sizhui. In some stories and artworks, Lan Wangji simply does not exist.

Wen Ning fans may also be periphery Lan Sizhui fans.

Wen Qing fans suffer from Aerith Lives Syndrome

She doesn’t actually die in a fire, guys!

They may also enjoy Wen Qing-marries-Nie Mingjue/Jiang Cheng-and-gets-pregnant stories.

Nie Huaisang fans like his nefarious, scheming nature

Have a piece depicting Nie Huaisang as a head-shaking idiot? There’s a fat chance that his fans won’t enjoy it, even if they won’t explicitly grill you for it. Hiding behind their virtual fans, watching you persistently every day while coldly plotting the closure of your account, these fans in particular are more inclined towards the unfolding of his crafty, terrifying nature, revealed only in the end.

Nie Huaisang fans tend to favor articles revolving around Nie Mingjue as well, and greatly enjoy pieces depicting brotherly affection in general. Whenever they write Nie Mingjue in their fiction, he is either extremely doting, or gruff but sexy.

As one might find it hard to question the gruff but sexy bit with a straight face, another alternative victim of fiction writers centering works around Nie Huaisang would be Jiang Cheng, who is usually manipulated into a happily ever after.

Nie Mingjue fans like putting him in leather pants

In most works created by fans of the mighty Chifeng-Zun, he’s usually smiling dotingly at his younger brother, Nie Huaisang, or at Meng Yao, his trusted aide, or at least giving them the best things in life.

In Mingjue County, Nie Mingjue has never kicked anyone down the stairs nor called them a son of a prostitute. In Mingjue County, nobody has ever burnt fine art. In Mingjue County, nobody dies of Qi Deviation. Mingjue County is civil, beautiful, and full of abs.

Wen Ruohan fans think he’s cute and sexy

Well, he is in their fannish pre-canon depictions of him as a young man, anyway. If Lan Qiren has grown his beard out for anyone, it would have been for the adorable Wen Ruohan, fifty years ago in the Cloud Recesses.

Lan Qiren fans don’t think he’s a joke

Never mind that the novel jokes about him all the time - having his beard shaved by Cangse Sanren, ignored by the juniors, and above all, getting up just to spit out blood after getting mad at Wei Wuxian for playing his flute very, very badly - he’s no joke, everyone!

Many Lan Qiren fans may also express desire to see his character adapt and open up to new ideas and rulesets, including a relationship with Sisi, or to explore a possible past where he is young, handsome and sexy, most probably also romantically entwined with Wen Ruohan.

Sect Leader Yao fans are SJWs who don’t know they’re SJWs

The irony lies thick in the fact that they actively dislike Sect Leader Yao as a character. Nobody knows that they’re actually a Sect Leader Yao fan, even after contracting the disease themselves.

Aaaaaand, I’ve run out of gas. If I’ve missed describing the fans of your favorite character, consider yourself lucky~

For now. I’ll be back! 😒✊

Long winded ramblings about a Bronycon video

So I’ve seen some hubbub about a YouTube essay going over the history of the Brony fandom up until the last Bronycon. (You can see it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fVOF2PiHnc ) I just got around to watching it today and I was...somewhat confused by some of the stronger negative takes I was seeing floating around Twitter, and I’ve been in a “fandom discourse” mood lately so, hey, I thought...why not talk about it. The first part of this was originally going to be a Twitter thread until I realized Twitter wasn’t going to let me keep going on the thread so I gave up and decided to put it here instead (lol) so it’s probably going to be a bit choppy since I was trying to keep it readable for that format.

So first of all, my background, so I can be completely honest about where I'm coming from and try not to portray what I'm saying as like...an end-all-be-all take here, because I don't wanna do that. I was never really an MLP fan. I watched the first season of FiM and really enjoyed it, but I didn't really engage with the fandom because by that point I'd gotten to where I didn't spend much time in huge fandoms. So I can't come at this from the perspective of an MLP fan. When I’m addressing the fandom here, I’m coming at it as an outsider in the sense that I am not a MLP fan/brony. What I AM going to do is come at this from the perspective of something of a "native" to fandom. I've always been a geek. I've engaged in online fandom in some form or another since I was about 8, which was in the mid 90s. I've been around the fandom block. Actually, I can even say that I used to lurk on 4chan a lot and I saw a lot of the early Brony discussions there. I also watch @JennyENicholson's videos, and yeah, there's been times where I've been bugged because we had a disagreement of opinions and felt like it was a little harsh. She's got a dry sense of humor and sometimes it's hard to read when she's joking and when she's being genuine. So like, I wasn't surprised when I saw some hubbub from some people online about her doing the video about Bronies. Not at all. But I gotta say...I am really surprised by some of the more INTENSE takes on the video after watching it?? The LARGE majority of the video is @JennyENicholson covering this fandom from an INSIDER'S perspective. She was an MLP fan before FiM, she was active enough in the fandom to be a BNF. A huge, huge amount of the video is positive and nostalgic. In fact I now wish I HAD been in the fandom! It seems like it was a lot of fun! The only thing I felt was maybe harsh in the video is I think she gave the impression that being "furry" is exclusively a sex thing, but by the end she talks about furries being a community that's a very inclusive, kind community with a lot of queer people, so even then I think if you're really paying attention to the whole video you're not going to come away with the idea that the furry community is bad. Just maybe could've had more nuance earlier in the video?  So from glancing through mentions of her in a Twitter search (which is definitely not going to be a perfect sample) from what I can tell there's like two things that people seem to be upset about with the video: 1, the idea that the fandom is "dead" and 2...just...Body Pillows. So let's talk about the dead fandom thing first. As I mention, I have been in fandom a long, long time. Although I (usually) shy away from big active fandoms now, I started off in bigger ones--Sonic, Pokemon, Digimon, LOTR, etc. The two fandoms I currently care about the most, though, are definitely fandoms that tend to be called "dead" and were never HUGE to begin with (Princess Tutu and Chrono Crusade). I think I can count on my hands the number of ppl who actively discuss or create fanwork for CC.   So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've been on both sides of the coin here. And let me reassure Bronies: "Dead", while maybe too strong of a label for what it actually means, does not have to be a negative thing and you don't need to defend your fandom from it, IMO. I think the "dead" label simply means that interest in the fandom has cooled, the number of active participants is significantly down from the heydays of the fandom, etc. And I don't think that's an unfair label for brony fandom from what I know.   If there was a large scale replacement for Bronycon then maybe it'd be unfair, but...yeah, if you're losing your large hubs for the fandom community, if the flow of fanwork and discussion has slowed, I think "dead", as it's used, isn't an unfair label.   But again, I don't think this is a bad thing! I'd imagine that even the current state of the brony fandom is larger and more active than the Princess Tutu fandom at its greatest heights. It's a pretty relative term. It doesn't mean nobody cares, or that you can't still enjoy it! All the "dead" label really means is acknowledging the change in a fandom. It's not a bad thing. I might be 1 of ~30 writers for Chrono Crusade on AO3 but I still have fun writing fic and I still get hits and occasional positive comments. It's not bad. Just different. Okay so now let's talk about the body pillow thing and oh man, is this going to be a minefield, lol. Let's first talk about my personal lens I'm going to come at here... I've created NSFW fanwork. Some of it taboo. I'm also (somewhat) a part of the "proship" discourse on Twitter which is basically a community of people that push back against another community of "anti"-shippers who feel that some ships are problematic (because of character age, power dynamics, etc) and shouldn't be shipped. (I think that simplifies a lot of the discussion on both sides but it’ll do for the purpose of what I’m getting at here, I think.) At its worse this debate has lead death threats and suicide attempts. I have seen people get treated abusively for fanwork (sometimes NSFW but not always). (And I also want to add that while I think the major component of the pro-ship discussions on Twitter are anti-harassment, there’s been some ‘edgy’ types who think that it’s fun to harass antis with NSFW fanwork and the like and I want to make it clear that is ALSO ABUSIVE AND NOT OKAY.) Basically, I want to say I'm sympathetic to a knee jerk defensive reaction over NSFW fanart. Okay? I can get why people might want to push against criticism of stuff they enjoy/create, and that there’s an element of possibly being harassed for fanwork you create. But the thing is, I don't think this is really the attitude Jenny is taking in the video. She lightly mocks NSFW stuff and body pillows, but often describes it as "harmless" and "fine". The only time she's critical of it is when she notes that sometimes body pillows with suggestive poses could be on display at conventions where young kids were present--at a con celebrating a show MEANT for young kids--and that probably shouldn't have been allowed. She's not saying you can't buy a body pillow, or create one. She didn't even say that while discussing body pillows of characters who were 10! She expressed personal discomfort, but the only restriction she really suggested was "keep this out of the sight of minors." And I don't know why that would be a controversial take. I read lemons when I was younger so I'm not going to sit here and act like it's going to completely ruin kids lives or anything. But I ALSO think it's appropriate to have boundaries for sexual materials for kids (or anyone who doesn't want to engage for whatever reason). I want my stuff to be clearly labeled as NSFW, with tags being clear about the content, so people know what they're getting into. I’ve grown to care about this even more as I’ve gotten older. I don’t really want to know about minors reading my nsfw fanfic or anything. I’m not going to, like, parent them and shame them if they do, but I don’t want to engage with it, I want my stuff to be labeled, and I am DEFINITELY not going to put it on public display at a place where I know kids are allowed, ESPECIALLY not when it’s work based on stuff MEANT for children! I mean, I grew up in a fundamentalist Evangelical household and I will rant at you for hours about how damaging I feel that environment was, and that I don’t think kids and teens should be completely shielded from sex, etc. But that doesn’t mean that having boundaries in place is a bad idea, especially when minors are involved. I also think that boundaries are good just for the sake of consent, too? I’m not saying that someone accidentally seeing suggestive art is the same as them being raped, please don’t conflate it like that, but if people don’t want to see it for whatever reason they should be given the opportunity to make that choice as much as possible. The stuff that Jenny mentioned brony conventions would do (requiring stuff to be sold under the table, or having late night hours for the dealer’s room where 18+ merch could be displayed and sold) seem like really good policies and pretty similar to what I’ve seen at anime conventions I’ve attended (although occasionally some stuff that was maybe a biiit more suggestive than I’d be comfortable displaying in public...but hey, my local con allows kids but also makes it clear in their rules that it’s mostly geared for 13+ attendees and that it’s up to parents to decide what’s appropriate for their kids, and I think that’s fair). And yeah, I know, nothing that Jenny showed in the video being displayed at Bronycon was 100% explicit, just suggestive. She notes this in the video herself, saying that yeah, it doesn’t show genitalia, etc...and as I’m writing this I think I’ve maybe rambled too much about NSFW fanart when most of the stuff we’re talking about here is more “suggestive” than straight-up porn, since that’s probably muddying the waters a bit. But I gotta, gotta, GOTTA address the sentiment I saw multiple times on Twitter in response to her video: “Dakimakura/body pillows aren’t sexual and to say that is orientalist.” I...what? What the fuck? Okay, again, I’m going to make it perfectly clear what my background is here so that I’m not claiming to have some expertise that I don’t have: I am white. I am VERY white. My parents did the DNA test thing and the most “exotic” thing that came up is that my dad is 3% Spanish. Not latin american, I mean from Spain spanish. I am sooooo fucking white. I’ve studied a LITTLE of Japanese culture in college classes but that wasn’t even my field of study (Communication major on a Broadcasing track, minor in Theatre) so I’m not going to tell you I’m an expert on Japanese culture. I’m just a weeby geek that grew up in anime fandoms and never really stopped consuming Japanese pop culture. I have a very limited experience with Japanese culture. I am NOT an expert on what is and isn’t orientalist. I know I’m really hammering in this point here but I think it’s really, really important that I make it clear that I shouldn’t be used as an expert on this subject. But what I DO have a background in is someone who has engaged in Western fandom of stuff from Japan from a young age, I did spend a lot of time on 4chan, this is NOT the first time that I’ve seen some form of an “this isn’t sexual at all and you’re just a PERVERT” discussion about fanservice and...okay first of all, I highly doubt anyone saying this is any more qualified to define what is and isn’t orientalist than I am. I think this is bullshit and it feels like an attempt to make your opinions more legitimate by implying people that disagree with you are some form of bigot. (And look, I was a sheltered, insecure, stuck-up teenager in fandom, part of the reason I feel like I can recognize this is I totally pulled the same shit. I am not going to act like I have never tried to pull this and that I’m a pure innocent woke intellectual who’s never said something foolish, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it slide, either.)

While writing this I googled ‘dakimakura’ to make sure I was spelling it right and noticed that Wikipedia does note that the origins of this style of pillow are sometimes used by Japanese kids as something like a security blanket, which I’m guessing is where the justification for the argument is coming from, but let’s be intellectually honest here--body pillow covers being sold at a convention aren’t primarily meant to be a security blanket for kids. And, okay, maybe you have a body pillow cover with a character on it that isn’t exactly in a sexual pose, just laying fully clothed on what looks like a bedsheet background. But I don’t think it’s an unfair argument to say that even THEN it implies a sort of intimacy, right, possibly a desire for a romantic attachment? Like, sharing a bed with someone doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic, I used to share a bed with my brother in hotel rooms when we were kids, but I’m also not going to share a bed with my brother and then hug him closely to my body no matter how he’s posed or what he’s wearing??? And look, maybe a body pillow isn’t ALWAYS sexual but to say it’s NOT sexual, which kinda implies NEVER, is so disingenuous. The top result I got when I searched for “anime body pillow” is a shop that includes categories like “18+ body pillow” and “sexy body pillow” and also SELLS FAKE BREAST INSERTS FOR SOME OF THE PILLOWS SO YOU CAN SQUEEZE THEIR BOOBS (obviously, NSFW link: https://www.dakimakura.us/ ) Like, COME ON, I don’t think it’s orientalist to say that something is sexual when Japanese people are actually selling body pillows they label as 18+. The second result even has a second for pillows you can insert sex toys into. And yeah I saw the guy saying “masturbation isn’t sex!” and sir at BEST you have a very narrow and incorrect definition of sex as simply being intercourse and, again, at worst you’re just being straight up dishonest. In fact, I’ll straight up call myself out for this. There’s a fanart body pillow of a fictional character I’ve considered buying several times! (Not porn but still probably NSFW link: https://www.etsy.com/listing/701912275/dakimakura-hypnosismic-doppo?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=hypnosis+mic&ref=sr_gallery-1-4&organic_search_click=1 ) Is this porn? No. You can’t see much. But on one side of the pillow he’s got his shirt untucked, you can see a bit of his stomach, and his fly is undone and you can see the band of his underwear peeking out. This is sexual. I’m not wanting it to like, get off on it, exactly...honestly it’s maybe a bit ironic, and a lot of wanting a body pillow in general is I like sleeping hugging onto something but I have a different sleep schedule from my husband I find him too big to hold all night and too warm in the summer anyway. But I’m not going to tell you that me wanting this PARTICULAR pillow case isn’t at all sexual, I know what I’m doing, I like the character and think the drawing is hot. I’m not saying don’t buy body pillows, okay? I’m not saying don’t sell them. I don’t think Jenny is either (she literally OWNS ONE that she shows in the video!!!). But don’t act like there isn’t ever anything sexual about it existing to try to defend their existence, okay? You don’t need to be a fucking coward about it, and you especially don’t need to say it’s racist if people call out something as being suggestive when, well, it fucking is. And I think it’s totally 100% reasonable for someone to say “hey I don’t think it’s a good idea to display suggestive art around kids, especially if it’s depicting young characters.” TL;DR -- Chill, guys. CHILL. Your fandom is getting smaller and the term people use for this is “dead” but that’s not a bad thing, you’ve still got the fandom, you can still enjoy it, there’s definitely no need to take personal offense over it. And enjoy your body pillows, but don’t be disingenuous about the fact that they can be suggestive and try to act like anyone that calls it such is racist, that is such bullshit. Like what you like, other people’s opinions of it is not automatically a personal attack on you, there’s no need to jump to being defensive every time someone says something vaguely negative about it. Chill, fandom friends. Fandom ain’t bad but it also doesn’t need to be the center of your identity and you don’t need to lash out against people for daring to have opinions about a thing you like. You especially don’t need to act like other people are perverts for noting something being suggestive. Chiiiiiiiiiill.

Another Hiatus?

straight up thinking of taking another hiatus from Tumblr...I hate to, but I’m thinking maybe this place just isn’t good for me, even after such a long time away in the first place. More under the cut, if anyone wants to read it.

So, I struggle with a lot on a daily basis. Things that I don’t even tell what few people are around me in real life, because frankly, I don’t really have anyone to tell that I think would want to help. I’ve had to end a great deal of my friendships because they were unhealthy/toxic and others ended because I’m disabled and cannot keep up with more “social” or outgoing people (which unfortunately is usually interpreted as disinterest because of constant rescheduling or inability to go out).

No one even knows that I’ve started a particularly hard round of chemotherapy that involves painful injections, because I worry that people just get sick of hearing how I’m actually doing versus the image of me they think should be real. I lie and say that I’m fine, when I’m struggling mentally and physically. Very few people know that I’m in such severe constant pain that even with strong opiates, medical cannabis, benzodiazepines and constantly watching my diet, I’m spending 12+ hours a day in bed. I never get below a 6/10 anymore. I can’t remember what anything below that feels like. My body tortures me every waking minute.

I’m back to where I started when I began treatment in 2012 and my mental health has taken a nose dive because it all just feels so futile, you know? Treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, fighting tooth and nail to have the bare bones of a life only to fail and wind up at square one is...Hell. 

Add onto that, that I can’t get a FT job (so no PTO or good health insurance) despite having multiple degrees and that I had a position lined up before COVID that might now no longer even exist when this is all over + that the Part Time job I have that I love has completely changed now that I’m work from home and I HATE these new tasks and miss my coworkers + that I live with an actively abusive family member + that I have no friends beyond surface-level acquaintances despite so much effort to try and make and keep friends + that I’ve struggled my whole life with internalization of everything...and you’ve got a walking disaster of a human being who should probably nowhere near this site.

My therapist is through the school I graduated from, so I can’t even see them, and it wouldn’t matter because our relationship has progressed too far and they just treat my visits like a social hour and we never even talk about my real problems. It’s pretty damn pathetic when your needs don’t even matter to your therapist.

In real life, I’m a doormat to people’s needs. You need a house sitter? That’s me and they’ll pay me pennies to do it. You need someone to teach your children during COVID because we’re co-distancing? You need someone to drop everything and help you? That’s me. But when I need something, anything? A cup of tea or a genuinely asked “How are you?”? Forget it.

I miss fandom. I miss the escape. I miss the discourse. I miss the photosets and the freaking out over characters. I miss fandom buddies.

My experience of fandom since I last left Tumblr maybe 2-3 years ago has been very solitary. AO3 fics that I *do* comment on or discord servers where I’m one of dozens or more of people that no one can really remember because it’s hard to try to “compete” to be heard with 5 other people who are friends that are talking in depth about parts of fandom that you are new to...that and Google bloody Images have been my fandom for the past 2 years. 

It’s fucking lonely out here. I feel like a fandom cowboy, alone on a prairie, occasionally passing by other cowboys and wrangling the livestock together for a moment before heading on with a half-hearted tip of our hats. It’s more than likely the reason why I haven’t published a fic in nearly 2 years, even though I’ve completed 1 or 2 little ones. I used to write all the time, all the time. Fics, ficlets, drabbles, headcanons. Screaming into the void is so much harder than just sitting there with your eyes closed and pretending there is no void.

I got into Classic Doctor Who and back into a few “older”/smaller fandoms, and when there’s no fic to be had...your only option really is Tumblr. I was writing again (am writing again?), and the photo/gif sets and the meta had me fucking inspired for the first time in...so long. I was addicted to writing again. Wrote more in the last two weeks than I have in years. Started writing a fic that’s already longer than any I’ve ever written before.

I thought I could handle it, Tumblr helped so much before in the Golden Days of Tumblr. I became part of a huge fandom friend group on Skype back then. I had friends. I had true fandom, not this bizarre one-person-imaginings experience of fandom. 

I was able to see something triggering or an opinion I disagreed with or deal with bad anons or any of the bad parts of Tumblr. I was able to see just the good, overall.

But, now, I don’t know that I can? I’m too internalizing now? Someone replies to a post with a minor disagreement and it makes me hate myself. I get a slightly disgruntled anon and I cry. People don’t tag very triggering or super stressful political items anymore, so I can’t “unplug” when I need to avoid seeing things about riots and horrendous crimes against people and so I wind up with an additional panic attack because I can’t do anything about anything. 

I don’t know if the vibe of this place has changed or if I’ve become one of the dreaded and dreadful “snowflakes” who just can’t handle shit. I think both, honestly. 

And it fucking sucks, okay? Because I was starting to get back into the swing of liking this place. I was starting to branch out and reconnect with folks I knew from before that were/are wonderful or make new fandom acquaintances. I had the carrot of having a collection of true fandoms in front of me. Of feeling connected in this time of horrendous isolation (both for the world and me personally). 

But the stick is so much bigger than I remember. So much larger and harder; a tree trunk log instead of a twig switch. I’m not taking little love taps or slightly stinging slaps, I’m being beaten with it. By it.

I don’t know what to do. I want to keep Tumbling. I want to keep building friendships and talking about dumb fandom things. I want to reblog old gifsets and have convos in the tags. I want to share fics/art back and forth. I live for the discussions that I’m starting to have again. I live for seeing 3 bloody notes on an original post I made. I live for knowing that someone, somewhere is seeing something I wrote or made or said and likes it.

I don’t want the internalization of disagreements, of a perceived inferiority to other users, of feeling bad about myself over things that aren’t even a big deal on Tumblr but are to me. I don’t want to feel even more ‘less than’ than I already do.

I don’t want to feel extreme anxiety over the insanity of the world that I can’t escape even on here because tagging is a thing of the past and it’s apparently a major faux pas to ask for tags on triggering content, even if I fully support the matters tagged. I live the insanity okay? I’m a queer, disabled, person of color, in the small-town Midwest living in poverty. I’m not some racist who just doesn’t want to see your protest content. I’m struggling to get by. 

Maybe I’ll just stop producing content? Only reblog and like? Only comb through character tags or chat with some of the fantastic people that have offered? My inspiration is declining, along with my mood.

I’d honestly contemplate a permanent hiatus (just not a deletion) if all of the fandoms that I was in had discords, but they don’t. If they do, I don’t know about them. Though, honestly, discord is not the same, and I always feel even more insignificant there. Drowned out or unimportant. 

Huh. Drowned out or unimportant, that could really be the title of this pity post. Possibly the title of an autobiography, if I was ever self-indulgent enough to write one.

If you’ve read this whole thing, then wow. Thank you, because you’ve just given more of a shit about me and my feelings than anyone in a long, long time. 

This post probably won’t be up long, it was honestly meant to be a pity-party cathartic release of feelings and will, no doubt, make me feel more pathetic the longer I leave it up.

May and Brussendar?

May :: What was your favorite piece of CR fanwork that someone else created in 2019?

TOTAL COPOUT ANSWER, because this fandom is so lousy with content that it’s hard to pick!! there’s so much meta and so many fun, dashboard killing discussions — that’s my favorite aspect of this and any fandom, just going to town with the tl;dr, i can’t name one specifically but i love all of it. i've loved Caduceus Discourse Hour over the past week or so! i love it when someone has a discussion and then you see threads emerge and spread around in entirely different posts.

also, just to self brag, a few months ago we had a great string of meta discussions on Why Caleb Is Overrated and i do still enjoy that. i like discussing motivations and theories, but the meta/audience aspects — why are certain characters latched onto? what would fandom look like if we didn’t? — are my faves.

Brussendar :: What are your hopes for the fandom in 2020?

that caleb and nott have a minor disagreement and fandom does not immediately throw out thinkpieces about how they’re finally breaking up and it’s all nott’s fault. that nott is allowed to be praised for doing cool shit that the other characters do all the time — like a cool round in combat, or a moment of cleverness — but never is because she’s Comic Relief. that caleb is no longer treated as the Ultimate Prize For Love and Friendship. but also, blatantly hypocritically, that caleb/nott and brenxattos (tm anon) continue to flourish and crack me up. if only to keep my petty and contrarian blood warm at night.

There's so much Brie Larson hate that it's crazy. I've not seen this much hate for a specific actress from so many people for a long time. I don't really know anything about her besides the fact that she's in the Marvel movies. I searched up her name on YouTube and almost all of the videos that came up were videos about how the cast hate her and that she's unlikeable and arrogant. I feel out of the loop. Apparently, she said something racist and sexist, but I don't know what? What did she do?

“Apparently, she said something racist and sexist, but I don’t know what? What did she do?”

The full on anti-Brie Larson hater-bandwagon campaign was in response to this speech.

“I searched up her name on YouTube and almost all of the videos that came up were videos about how the cast hate her and that she’s unlikeable and arrogant”

(Pro-tip: install a browser extension to block YouTube channels, and do that. No-one needs all of that vitriol in their life)

The reason you’re seeing a lot of these videos in the search results is because a lot of conservative couch-commentators are producing “analysis” videos in response to every bit of new media that has Brie in it. These couch-commentators are basically projecting their own prejudice against Brie onto every interaction or conversation that she’s involved in - they want to see everyone else around her hating her, because they want to feel validated in their own hatred.

It’s exactly like if you took a toxic delusional Camilizer and handed them a webcam and microphone - you’d get plenty of idiotic “analysis” videos of how the other girls in 5H “hated” Camila (or just reverse it so it’s some toxic delusional OT4 stan making the same content about how Camila was an epic bitch) LOLS.

We’ve seen this kind of bullshit before in the 5H fandom. The difference is that the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) has a much much much (much much much) larger reach.

Two key takeaways from me; one comforting, the other cautionary:

1) Comforting thought: unless you live in a deeply conservative, already kinda low-key racist and misogynistic area (sorry to you if you do) most of the general public/casual fans of the MCU aren’t massively hating on Brie at all. Remember that people are entitled to their opinions when it comes to creative content, and if they struggle to access Captain Marvel, that’s their own deal. But as long as they’re not personally attacking Brie and making it about the misconceived notions of what she’s like as a person off-screen, try to give those people a bit of a break, but also ask that they do the same for you - you are totally entitled to love Captain Marvel without having to qualify it to others, but likewise, they are not required to qualify their critique of the movie to you. If you’re both willing to share your respective opinions and critiques and perspectives, that’s pretty much a sign of a functioning healthy respectful relationship.

2) Now the cautionary: the vocal anti-Brie rage machines who scream “reverse-racism!” and “reverse-sexism!” (honestly FFS give me a fucking break LOLs) are very much in the minority. Unfortunately they are also very vocal. And their voices are amplified due to the reach and accessibility of digital media platforms. These angry talking heads have taken to social media for a reason. You know how regular people (probably much like yourself) are incredibly weary of what they share and express on social media because of the high likelihood of whatever being shared could be misinterpreted and thus create unintended discord and disagreements? Well that is exactly the reason why these types of vocal anti-Brie rage machines post inflammatory vitriolic rants online. Their whole intention is to invite responses and to incite disagreements. In their minds, being publicly disagreed with is validation that they are fighting some kind of righteous fight.

You will not tackle this problem by entering into an argument with someone who was trolling around looking to start one in the first place.

Stop commenting on these vitriolic angry rant videos with your logic and reason. You’re not going to change their stance, they’re just looking to fight with you. Stop sharing your retort to these videos within your own sheltered social spaces - you’re not changing anyone else’s mind within your own network, you’re just preaching to the choir - what you ARE doing is exposing your sheltered little bubble of like-minded people to a polarizing extremist minority view, which only serves as a straw man to reinforce your own unconscious biases about what the world is like and who it’s comprised of. It’s just quick and easy validation for yourself, nothing else, nothing actually constructive or progressive (and it’s actually an exact mirror of what these haters are doing on YouTube, they’re just happy to broadcast more widely)

Instead of focusing on the couch-commentators who are hell bent on spreading their vitriol in the name of their righteous hatred for others, focus instead on the people who you can influence.

Do you have friends or family members who have bought into the anti-Brie sentiment? Converse with them. Like, actually converse. That means listening to them, acknowledging what they’ve shared, and raising your own sentiments and experiences and knowledge with them respectfully. Consider that there might be concessions to be made on both sides. Maybe someone has taken Brie’s comments personally because of something that has happened to them in real life - try to understand what that experience was for them and how it has affected them. Acknowledge their experiences, and try to find a constructive way forward from there.

If you have friends who are critical of Captain Marvel, don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that they must also hate Brie Larson and strong female characters and just women in general. Try to converse with them through their critique, as well as sharing your own. Maybe agree to disagree on some things. It’s entirely possible that you experience films and narratives very differently to others - this is completely normal. I cannot possibly experience Black Panther on the same level that a black person might. Acknowledge that some men (and even some women) are, from their own personal experiences, unable to experience Captain Marvel on the same level that a lot of women do. But those same people, if they are looking to show you the same respect, need to acknowledge that your experience is valid too.

If you’re lucky, like me, and you live in a progressive, liberal society, you’re going to mostly be responsible for checking your own defensiveness when it comes to men saying that they didn’t think Captain Marvel was great (or maybe they just simply don’t care as much). Yes, this is effort on your part.

If you live in a more conservative society where people around you are jumping pretty blindly onto the anti-Brie bandwagon because **stage whispers** they’re actually kinda already bigoted, unfortunately it’s going to be even greater effort for you. And honestly, I don’t know what that’s like, so maybe in some cases you actually just need to set your own boundaries. If there are people who are unwilling to engage in respectful discourse with you, you probably need to make the decision to not engage with them at all.

My Two Cents

So I’ve been keeping an eye on the discourse going on (read: fandom wars) today involving someone who’s very opposed to smut of characters who have been aged up from their canon ages. I’m not gonna call anybody out and I’m not gonna tag anybody because getting into discourse wars isn’t my cup of tea.

That being said, here’s my two cents on that:

I feel like it’s creepy and inaccurate to equate actors to their characters.

If your argument is “you can’t write mature fiction about these characters even if they’re aged up in the fic, because the actors are still young teenagers,” then what I’m hearing is essentially, “I don’t know how to separate actors from their characters.”

Actors are not their characters.

Let me just say that one more time: actors are not their characters.

Actors are real people. Characters are fictional constructs. And yes, while characters are portrayed by actors (at least, in on-screen fandoms), that does not mean that they should be treated as the same concept, nor that a character is only their actor and nothing else. A character - again - is a fictional construct. Made partly by the writer/creator, partly by fandom. Characters go way, way beyond just “here’s what this actor who portrayed them once looks like,” and I feel like this fandom in particular has a little bit of trouble with that sometimes.

Ofc, don’t be creepy or inappropriate towards actors - especially young actors. Just don’t. I don’t think there’s any real disagreement on that. (Or at least I really hope there’s not.) Don’t ship real people together; don’t be creepy to them; don’t be writing inappropriate things about actors (no matter their age - actors are real people, not characters, and I feel like RPF is kinda  😬, but that’s another discussion so I’ll table it).

But also, I feel like it’s a little troubling when people are like “well the actor who plays this character is a teenager, therefore the fictional character will always just be a teenager as well, even as the character ages and grows, and even if you’re writing about that fictional character years later in their life, I’m still gonna imagine the character as a young teen.” Like... If the fic is set years later, and it’s very specifically, explicitly about the characters (note: characters, not actors!) when they’re older, and you’re still imagining the young actors, I really feel like that’s on you. Because that story was not about children; it was specifically about aged-up characters, and if you insist on imagining them as their young actors, that’s probably on you.

If you’re reading about characters who are aged up, and you’re still imagining the 14 year old actors who played them, maybe consider that you’re the one being creepy.

Also: if you’re not a fan of smut, no problem. You don’t have to read it. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. And if you’d really rather not see it at all, that’s chill! The block button exists for a reason. No hard feelings to anyone if you go ahead and use it. Tumblr should be your safe space, and if you don’t want to see adult content (or adult content of certain ships or whatnot), that’s totally up to you and there’s nothing wrong with keeping it off your dash. I’m not at all trying to bash anyone who doesn’t really like smut. However, if you’re misrepresenting people and yelling about how they’re encouraging smut of minors when their content is actually all aged-up and none of it is about minors at all, maybe chill just a little.

Protect minors? Yes, absolutely. Always. Go out of your way to bash people because you can’t separate real actors from fictional characters? Probably don’t.

I said this on Twitter earlier...

Hi everyone! Due to a lack of knowledge, I had shared some Youmu x Yuyuko art. After a discussion of canon materials, I have removed them as it became clear to me that ZUN considers Youmu a child. I’m terribly sorry if you ship YuyuMyon, but I will no longer be supporting it.

I'm not sure what to do about Youmu x Reisen, but to be on the safe side, I will not be supporting it either for the time being. I apologize if this news disappoints.

That being said...

If you spot someone shipping something that isn't quite right to you, make sure to talk to each other first before jumping to conclusions, and be understanding. Touhou has such a massive and sprawling canon that it's very difficult to know everything about everyone.

It's also quite common for people to eschew canon completely when making interpretations, and given how vague and malleable Touhou's canon is meant to be, I find it hard to find fault with that. It's what gives us black Touhous.

Unfortunately, though, pedophiles do feel too safe in this fandom.

As someone who wants to be as inclusive as possible without attracting or endorsing the wrong crowd, I have to make tough calls sometimes. I don't want people to feel left out, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. But make no mistake, there is a very big gray area.

I'm aware of the discourse surrounding depictions of child characters as adults, and while I can see the logic behind the arguments of people against it, it’s a case of You’re Both Right. I personally know some who age up because the character resonates with them on a personal level that none other does, and they had no prior knowledge of any canon age before that connection formed. You may find that such a person had chosen to embody that character for years before ever learning of such a thing, and at that point, can you see how demanding that they give that up might seem unfair to them?

Be kind to each other. Don't be in a rush to assume the worst.

Especially in our small corner of the fandom, some LGBT Touhou fans seem a bit too eager to exclude and execute each other on sight over disagreements on this, and it's very disheartening to me when I want to see LGBT Touhou grow and become the dominant part of the fandom.

Even if I don't support it, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm saying it's all problematic. The person you're disagreeing with might literally not even see the same character in the same way at all -- they might not even be able to imagine that character as a child! But even if you both have a point, that doesn't make either of you right.

This is especially important to keep in mind when not everyone agrees on who the child characters even are. I know some who believe that Reimu and Marisa are both canon children, and that would mean I have to abandon things like YukaReimu and ReiAya, if not all Rei/Mari ships.

I know at least one person who ships ReiAya who also excludes shippers of YuyuMyon. Would that make them a hypocrite? Of course not, they don't view Reimu as a 12 year old even if someone out there does. Be suspect if someone’s posts make you squint, but apart from that, don't be so eager to cancel each other. Please. Try to understand each other, even if you can't reach an agreement. None of the Youmu shippers I know are even close to being pedophiles, one was even a minor until mere months ago, and even if I won't be supporting them, I am not condemning them either. That wouldn't be fair.

I don't want LGBT Touhou to become embroiled in a civil war over a difference of opinion, and like it or not, that's what this is. As long as no apparent pedophilia is taking place, give people the benefit of the doubt. Don't harass and cancel each other. Be kind to each other. When the world is so eager to call all gay people pedophiles, don't leave vulnerable and well-meaning gays in a situation where their only safe haven becomes that hostile too. Things aren't so clear cut in Touhou, for better or worse. Try to embrace that where it's safe to do so.

My greatest fear is that some people are so worried about pedophiles that they're turning the LGBT Touhou fandom into a place where you get clobbered by racist homophobes on one end and canon police on the other, which has already made a lot of good people leave. Don't do this.

Be kind to each other.

I'm begging you. Be kind to each other.