#and there are more characters eventually these are just the ones in my brain
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『 Becoming his princess 』
☼ synopsis: Toji was obsessed with making you his sweet anal princess - entirely drunk on his cock stretching you so well.
☼ character: Toji
☼ wc: 3.2k
☼ cw: fem!reader, anal play, (first time) anal, Toji talking the reader into trying something new and pushing boundaries, consent checks, sex toys, lots of teasing and praise, reader getting called "good girl" and "princess", overstimulation, creampie, mentions of fingering, gentle aftercare
☼ notes: welcome to the depths of my brain when it comes to this man. Thank you @suyacho and @kenpachisbrat for letting me write this in chat! 🫶 | don't forget to sign up for my taglist so you won't miss a post!
Toji had always been an ass man, that much was clear. Whenever you two were cuddling on the couch or making out, his broad hands always found their way to the globes of your ass. You didn't mind it, you were actually starting to enjoy it, but lately he started to push you further. The talk of trying out anal came up, which you quickly turned down. Your ass was a one-way route, exit only and the thought about having Tojis cock in there made your skin crawl in all the wrong ways. Without another choice, Toji didn't bring up the topic again, but he didn't stop to feel you up either since you never expressed any issues with it previously, so why not push your boundaries a little?
The next time he had you on all fours, he grinned dirty when his tongue dragged through your drenched folds, eating you out like a man starved, but instead of sinking his tongue into your cunt to have more of your juices melt on his tongue, he dragged it further up to tongue at your puckered hole for just a second. The foreign sensation made you squeak and move away before giving him an angry glare, to which he only feigned innocence, hands held up high, but that wolfish grin on his lips gave it away. “Just couldn't stop myself, darling. Won't happen again,” he promised, half assed but he meant it. You made it clear that you didn't like it and he wouldn't push it - at least not with his tongue. In reality, you weren't sure about how you felt about it, that big taboo clouded your judgment because it actually didn't feel that bad when his wet tongue toyed with your ass, but you shook your head, the thought gone as quickly as it came. Perhaps you'd let him indulge in his little fantasies when you're fucked dumb on his cock, at least that way you won't be able to think about it too much.
Toji was caught by surprise when you nodded softly as he was running his thumb over your puckered hole, his dick buried deep in your cunt. “Want me to push it in, hm?” He asked with a teasing smirk, but that was his mistake, he made you think about it. Unsure about it, you groaned into the pillows, your face buried in the plush fabric, while your hips were high and working to meet his thrusts. “Don’t ask me like that... That's weird,” you mumbled between breathless moans and he made a mental note about putting you in this position again next time, simply putting his hand back onto the globe of your ass as he continued to fuck you into the mattress. Once again, your mind was clouded with the taboo you almost explored and perhaps you just needed to talk with him? Let him know that you're simply nervous about it and his teasing isn't helping - quite the opposite, actually.
"Why do I want to fuck your ass?” Toji repeated your question, the heat rising to your face upon hearing his words that were followed by a chuckle.
“Because that's hot and feels good. For both of us, if it's done right,” he eventually answered nonchalantly, and you nodded.
“Would you do it then? The right way, I mean, so it feels good? But please stop your teasing it's-” Your words started flooding out, rambling in your nervous and slightly embarrassed state, but the black-haired man interrupted you.
“You're rambling, my sweet,” he grinned and leaned in to capture your lips in a sweet kiss that left you wanting more. His lips always left you addicted, wiping your head empty and filling it solely with him.
“Let me make you feel good.” His words sent shivers down your spine and you absentmindedly nodded, allowing him to give you that sweet taste of pleasure you both craved now. In an instant, he pulled you across the couch and onto his lap, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as his hands roamed over your back and your sides as your lips collided in a heated make-out session.
It only took a few minutes until his hands discarded your shirt, his skin hot against your bare chest, when he kissed down your neck to leave love bites along the way. A raspy moan escaped your throat when his teeth tugged at one of your nipples before his tongue immediately lapped over it to soothe the sting. The mix of pain and gentle caress almost drove you insane. Shaky hands started pulling at his jet black strands when his lips left soothing kisses scattered across the valley of your chest. Lost in the feeling of his lips and tongue against your breast, you barely noticed how he picked you up to carry you to the bedroom, ever so gently setting you down on the mattress, where his warmth left your body for just a moment.
"One word and we stop," he whispered into your ear when he returned to his position on top of you again, dragging your favorite toy - a small magic wand - across the inside of your bare thigh, the lowest setting already letting your skin tingle deliciously, but you nodded. "Hmm, yes," you verbally confirmed when he removed the toy from your leg, an expectant look on his face. "That's my good girl. Using her words for me," he muttered against your skin and rewarded you by letting the toy glide over your already slick folds. Soft moans erupted almost instantly, the pleasure was near overwhelming.
His fingers soon joined the toy, the vibration taking your focus away as he dragged them between your folds without dipping them in, instead letting them glide lower between your cheeks. The lube was almost dripping off of them when he started massaging your puckered hole with his middle finger. Eyes full of insecurity shot up at him when you felt him slowly push inside, but not enough to slip past the tight ring of muscles yet.
Your hands started to claw at his arm, trying to stop him and he leaned down to capture your lips in a kiss once again, the vibrations against your clit getting more intense.
"Color?" His voice was uncharacteristically soft and you struggled to answer him between moans "ye-yellow." The words eventually slipped out and he hummed in acknowledgment - You didn't say red, so it was okay to continue.
His lips returned to yours as the magic wand remained teasing your bundle of nerves until a gasp escaped your mouth. Toji couldn't hold back the smirk against your lips at how cute your reaction was, his finger slotted deeply inside your ass, unmoving.
Only when you started desperately grinding against the wand did you register his finger inside of you and a desperate "green" left your lips, almost in a scream. You were on the verge of an orgasm and all your previous little worries didn't exist. Your mind was feeling as light as a feather when he pushed a second finger in right before the vibration of the toy gave you that sweet release you were so desperately chasing after. Toji groaned when he felt you clench around him, so tight just with his fingers inside of you that it made his erection grow painful, but he had to wait. His fingers kept pumping into you, curling and scissoring them to stretch you further. The foreign feeling started to feel good and Toji was able to see the change in your eyes.
It was exactly how he planned this to go, making you feel so good and making you lose your mind with pleasure as he pushed your boundaries until you're begging him to fuck your little ass.
"Be my good girl and turn around," he mused and slowly pulled out of you, which made you whine. You felt so pathetic when that noise escaped your throat, but you did as told, wanting this high back you felt moments ago. The orgasm was more intense than usual.
"Atta girl," his voice was raspy as the need in him grew from seeing you in such a vulnerable position for him - laying on your stomach with your hips held high just for him.
Your slick folds were on full display for him as he let some more lube drip onto your puckered hole, chuckling when you flinched from the cool liquid. "Careful, it's cold," he teased, warning you far too late, but before you could react to his words, another toy pushed against your hole. Unsure where he even got it, you braced yourself and Toji held the magic wand against your wet cunt once more, trying to help you relax for him.
The plug slid in surprisingly easy and you looked over your shoulders at your lover with doe eyes, feeling so good but scared at the same time. The metal object made you feel full, stretching your insides while his thumb slid into your pussy to massage your g-spot until he had you right where he wanted to again. All the stimulation tightened the knot inside of you at record speed, threatening to snap the next time his thumb pushed against your sweet spot, but it never came. Instead, Toji removed his finger and started moving the anal plug, the buzzing of the toy against your clit finally taking you over the edge a second time.
Your muscles sucked the plug back in, clenching tightly around it, which made you feel so full already and it only made you crave more. The black-haired man knew exactly what he was doing, corrupting you, making you crave having your ass filled with his cock and it was working.
When the shocks of pleasure wore off, Toji continued playing with the plug inside of you, pulling and pushing - he wanted you to whine, to admit how good it felt to you. He broke you down slowly but surely and you enjoyed it. Your hands gripped the sheets tightly when you started pushing back into him, breathless moans falling from your lips and getting swallowed by the pillows beneath you.
“What was that?” He asked teasingly and at the same time, he pulled the little metal plug out of you.
“You want my fingers again?” His voice sounded menacing, having heard your plea for his fingers perfectly well.
“Fuck- Toji… Just finger me already,” you snapped embarrassed, wanting him to work you open so you could finally feel his cock inside of you.
You were always so drunk on his cock, craving it inside of you in one way or another and the thought of having him fill yet another hole of yours started to excite you rather than scare you. His chuckle sounded mean, but you didn't bother focusing on it when two of his thick fingers pushed into your ass once again, this time with ease.
“You take me so well, darling. Gonna make you my little anal princess, hm? Want me to fuck your ass so badly?” He started to mock you, his voice laced with amusement with every whine of pleasure you provided him with and you didn't need to answer him. The way you bit your lip absentmindedly at his words was enough for him to know you wanted this as badly as he did now.
Thoughtful as he was, Toji turned the little wand on again to help you relax because his fingers were nothing compared to the girth of his dick and it would hurt. Both his fingers remained inside of you as he used his other hand to slick up his cock with the lube, using a generous amount to make things easier for you.
“Ready to be my little princess?” He asked with a smirk as he pulled his fingers out painfully slow, the tip of his dick now kissing your puckered hole, and slowly he pushed in, never enough to slip even the tip inside of you. He wanted to hear you beg for him, beg him to fuck your sweet little ass. He needed you to beg him to ruin you completely, claim your body fully and never be satisfied with another man ever again.
The anticipation his endless teasing brought drove you insane, the vibration against your pussy wasn't strong enough to give you the pleasure you craved and you knew that you needed him inside of you to cum again, needed to have him ruin you to find pleasure.
"To-ji,” his name was cut in half by a whimper when just his tip slipped into your puckered hole, only to disappear again.
“Just fu- just fuck me already,” you almost screamed it, shame sitting deep inside of you at having to beg him to finally take you from behind, but he made you taste poison and you liked it.
“As you wish,” a wolfish grin spread over his lips and a single thrust was all it took for him to be settled inside of you, his heavy balls slapping against your wet cunt in the process.
Your eyes opened wide at the intrusion, unsure if it hurt or felt good - you just felt full. Feeling you clench around him like a vice was almost painful to him, but he granted you time to get used to the feeling.
“Taking me so well. So good for me.” His words were soothing, kisses against your spine helped you relax further, but when he turned the wand higher again, your hips jerked up, letting you feel him so much deeper inside of you. A high-pitched moan left your lips, almost a yelp, but it was filled with a foreign sense of pleasure. Your walls stopped gripping Toji’s cock like a vice, giving him the opportunity to finally move inside of you. His thrusts were slow but deep, his hips rolling against yours to make you feel each thrust dragging along your walls. The overwhelming feeling of being so unusually full, paired with the strong vibration against your already overly sensitive bundle of nerves had you panting like a bitch in heat, your hips bucking into him and helplessly humping the wand.
“Ah, ah. You'll cum from my cock, princess,” Toji ordered and removed the toy from your pussy.
A loud whine of protest escaped your lips, but it turned into one of pleasure when he rolled his hips particularly hard, catching you off guard by how good it felt. You were so close, but it was never enough to take you over the edge. The feeling of Toji's cock in your ass was too foreign and intense to snap that knot inside of your stomach - or at least that's what you thought. Toji slumped over you, no longer able to hold up his weight entirely as he caged you in, his huge body forcing your hips down against the mattress so he had you in prone bone.
The simple change of position made you feel so small compared to your lover, his hot breaths and grunts driving you insane and before you knew it, you were clawing into the pillows, chanting his name like a lewd prayer as another orgasm washed over you. "Fuck! That's my good girl," Toji praised, his voice deep and strained from the way you clenched around his cock, so hard he could barely thrust into you anymore, but that's exactly what he liked. Your little ass was just so perfect for him and no one else ever made you feel this way. It gave him the biggest ego boost with the way you were singing so pretty for him.
Your ears were ringing from the intensity of your orgasm, barely able to hear the praise that fell from your lover's lips, only the strangled moan followed by harsh pants when he finally released inside of you. Unable to help it, you whined loudly. The feeling of his cum filling you up made you realize that it would be over soon and you didn't want this ecstatic feeling to end yet, not when you just started enjoying it. Your pathetic whine made Toji chuckle, his black hair tickling your shoulder as he shook his head.
"You're so damn greedy, you know that?" He asked amused and pulled your hips into him so he could slide the magic wand between your pussy and the mattress once again, the highest setting buzzing against your clit. "To-ji," you moaned his name, "too much." Your voice was hoarse, but he didn't listen. The feeling of your ass clenching tightly around his cock was drowning out your little sounds of protest. "Stop crying and fucking cum," he groaned into your ear, an order you knew you should follow. You could have told him "red," but you didn't, craving the feeling of yet another orgasm even if your overstimulated clit screamed for mercy.
When you finally reached your peak, Toji was hissing into your ear as you milked him dry, trying to get every drop of his seed into your greedy body. "You're doing so good for me. Took me so well." His voice was soft, uncharacteristically sweet, even when the wand slowly lost the intensity until he shut it off entirely. Your clit still twitching from the intense vibration it just felt and all you could do was nod. You were his good girl, his sweet little anal princess and he was so proud of you.
Carefully, Toji slipped out of you, his hands spreading your cheeks to see your hole gape from the previous intrusion and it was a sight he could certainly get used to. There was a grin on his face when he watched his cum run down to your still-glistening cunt, a finger following the trail of white liquid.
“I should make sure that your little pussy doesn't feel neglected, don't you think?" Toji mused out, a single finger pushing some of his seed into your entrance, but you shook your head. "Red." The word left your lips in a mumble and he immediately stopped teasing you.
"Let's take a bath then, or you'll regret it in the morning," he said matter-of-factly before scooping you up into his arms and throwing you over his shoulder, which never fails to make you laugh. It was such a silly thing to him, but you looked like you needed more gentle aftercare this time, so a bath and some cuddles after would do it.
"How're ya feelin'?" Toji's voice was gentle now as his arms wrapped around you and his head rested on top of yours, bodies surrounded by hot water.
"'m good. A bit sore, to be honest," you mumbled back to him, your head resting against his broad chest, adoring just how caring he can be if he wants to.
"You'll get used to it. The first always is worst, but you seemed to enjoy it regardless," he pointed out, a shit-eating grin spreading over his lips and you could hear it in his voice.
"Just shut up, Fushiguro." You laughed softly and bit his arm in a playful way. But he was right - you did enjoy it and perhaps you'll let him have both holes next time.
#-ˋˏ ༻luma's musings#jjk x reader#jjk smut#toji x reader#toji smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#toji x you#toji fushiguro#jjk toji#💫hotter than the sun💫
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...So once again it's the time of year when I return to this piece of digital art (or its earlier versions), tweak it a little in the attempt to get closer to what I see in my head, and repost it for Pride. (ETA, 3 June 2024: image tweaked a little bit more via late-night re-render because the upholstery wasn't rendering correctly, and as a result the kitty sort of vanished. Which would not be at all her style...)
At the moment I'm looking at These Two Idiots (for so they are) and considering with the usual bemusement how long I've been working with them. Of all the characters I've worked with in print, the only ones I've known longer would be the crew of NCC-1701—and very shortly now, for the first time as paid writing, a couple of gentlemen named Holmes and Watson.
I first "met" these guys in late 1970 in the form of the fellow college students on whom they'd be based: a couple of gents (not gay, as it happens) who were friends to me when I needed some. They were a tall dark guy and a short blond one with a mustache that came and went... so that, not even knowing the word "trope" at the time, I fell headfirst into one.
Less than a year after I met them, I changed educational tracks and schools, and we all drifted apart. But something about them stuck. The nature and depth of their friendship was unusual. So was one way it manifested itself: in ruthless snark that had no meanness or cruelty about it whatsoever—just affection.
In the late sixties I'd begun writing some very derivative fic strongly influenced by Tolkien. Rather to my surprise, though, as I started nursing school in 1971, the nature of that fiction started to change, and began rearranging itself around two characters who had a friendship like those of my college friends. With them as its core, a rather different kind of medieval-ish fantasy world started knitting itself together from various scraps of themes and imagery lying around in the back of my brain.
Even so early in the construction phases of this world, something the characters quickly made plain to me in the writing was that their relationships with one another were not what mainstream 1970s culture would consider conventional. They were gay... but that was a background issue,* and not at all the most important thing in their lives. They had far more important business to deal with—as became clear as their personalities and priorities started filling themselves out in the foreground.
One of them turned out to be the deliberate, analytical, methodical son of a provincial nobleman, all too aware of the expectations of those around him: that he might well eventually wind up running that province himself. Yet at the same time he also became aware that he had other problems, chief among them the discovery of a nascent power that would kill him young if he couldn't master it. And in the last thousand years, no one of his gender ever had.
The other presented himself more and more clearly as a difficult case: someone who wanted very much to be good at the family business, but wasn't... and knew it. Kind of a screw-up, repeatedly doing the wrong things for what he was sure were the right reasons. Yet, no matter how often he screwed up, he was also the kind of person who keeps picking himself up and trying again, because he's been told over and over that that's what people like him have to do: otherwise they're no use to anybody.
Imagine my shock when I realized that these two men—initially canonically enemies in their adolescence, then best friends as they grew, and eventually much more—were the (incomplete) answer to the question I'd once asked my Mom at the end of the bedtime reading of some fairy tale or other: "Why can't a prince rescue another prince?" Because one of them got himself more than once into situations where he really needed one kind or another of rescuing. The other one obliged him, while once or twice getting rescued himself. Those interlocking patterns started to solidify out of concept and into character detail and plot, while their world grew and proliferated into its own detail around them.
Then, without warning, in 1978 both world and characters decided they were ready to get real. I was abruptly dragged gasping and flailing under the surface of a novel that would begin the tale of what those two characters had yet to become. The period it took to produce that first draft was possibly the most interesting six weeks of my life... and that includes the six weeks during which I first scrubbed in on brain surgery. Day and night, for days at a time, I barely even existed except as something for a novel to come out of. When it was done with me, it just as abruptly dumped me back into my life and wandered away, leaving me staring around, blinking and wondering if anybody’d got the number of that truck. Nothing like it has ever happened to me since, which may be just as well. I’m none too sure that these days I could handle the strain.
The book—which sold a couple of weeks after it landed on its first publisher's desk—kicked off my career as novelist and screenwriter, and in its way proved that the world was at least somewhat ready for epic fantasy in which the basic culture was pansexual, polyamorous, and inclusive in ways that hadn't been attempted before.
So I owe them a debt, those two gentlemen up there: the tall dark curly-haired guy with the amateur strategist's mind, the blacksmith's shoulders, and the peculiar sword, his background thought always nibbling away at the question of how to heal the world's wounds: and the short fair gent who if he could would stay at home, live quietly in town, and work in the local library... except for when saving the world (or his found family) requires him to subsume his being into that of his ancestral demigod. Due to the success of the book in which they made their debut, these two became, in their way, the fairy† godfathers of the Young Wizards—and additionally enabled all that Star Trek fanfic I'd started writing a decade before to proceed to its logical conclusion.
More to the point, though, a lot of people in the 1980s and '90s who'd never seen queer representation in a fantasy novel, found it first, or at last, while following Herewiss and Freelorn down their road. It's been my pleasure to hold that space for new readers, and keep adding to it... because (if you ask me) it's needed more now than ever.
So, to the readership of the Middle Kingdoms works—now pushing half a century old—and everybody else who's celebrating the season: happy Pride!
*Not least because everybody else in their world is (at least potentially) some shade of queer, including God.
†(snicker)
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Topaz appreciation post because she’s been rotating around my brain like a rotisserie chicken and I need y’all to get her like I do
Genuinely, I believe her to be the most underrated limited 5 star in the game everything wise, because she is so damn interesting and nobody talks about it ever and it drives me nuts.
So, I’m going to make you understand why exactly I love her and what makes her so amazing in the first place.
Her lore
Topaz’s lore is rather simple, at least compared to other characters in the game, but simple ≠ bad and her story serves her perfectly.
Long before Topaz was Topaz, she was a girl named Jelena, living in a desolate planet at the edge of the galaxy. The economy of this planet was based around mining and industry, which resulted in her home becoming more and more polluted as time went on. The wildlife almost completely disappeared, people had to wear masks to breathe, and it seemed like her planet was reaching a hopeless, dismal end.
Until the IPC came. They promised to fix everything, and heal her planet of its environment problems, in exchange for every person on the planet signing a contract of indentured servitude to the IPC. Seeing no other way out, Topaz’s home accepted, forever tying her and the rest of the planet to the IPC.
Topaz is was (and still is) incredibly talented and competent, excelling in science, economics, finances, math, etc. Her exceptional talents caused her mentor and parental figure Dvorski, who works in the Strategic Investment Department to recommend her to Jade, one of his superiors. Presumably, this is how she started her climb up the corporate latter, eventually becoming the Topaz we know and love today.
Throughout this, she maintained her friendly and headstrong attitude, and never abandoned her love for animals or the people in her life like Dvorski, a trait which will be important for later.
So, I’ve established the basics, so what makes this interesting?
Topaz’s trauma and how it affects her character
I feel like a lot of people ignore just how much trauma she really has, and how it affects the way she behaves in the present.
For starters, her love of animals. Sure, Numby is adorable and in general this is a rather fun trait for a character to have, it’s not something you would consider to be a sign of something darker.
However, remember that Topaz’s planet almost lost all of the life on it, and she witnessed firsthand almost every creature she knew and loved either go extinct or become severely endangered.
So, when you view her love for animals through this lense, it’s easy to see that she’s so attached to animals because Topaz almost lost them forever, and this trait manifests in a lot of the behavior she exhibits.
According to Topaz herself, her efficiency goes up 27% when Numby is with her, and it seems to be blatantly obvious that being around animals give her at the very least a peace of mind/sense of comfort. I mean in game she is Topaz and Numby for a reason, and her relationship with them is a core part of the way she behaves. When Topaz can’t ground herself, she has Numby to help her with that, which hurts even more considering she is likely going on these missions alone 90% of the time, meaning her literal only friend is a pet/animal.
Considering Topaz’s biological parents never get mentioned, it’s not hard to assume she is orphaned or at the very least estranged from them, likely due to the disaster on her planet, leaving her only loved ones to be her pets and Dvorski. Losing one half of the only support system she has would be devastating for Topaz, which is likely why she brings Numby everywhere (also considering I don’t think she has mentioned him in the present, her pets might literally be the only things she has left).
In her own home, Topaz collects a myriad of species from across the galaxy, as if to preserve them so at least even if they disappear on their home planets like hers did, they won’t go extinct entirely.
Personally, I think her fixation around them cooperating and coexisting also reflects on how she feels about other people. If animals from completely different planets can get along, so can people. If she can convince creatures lacking in intellect work together, then she can do the same for ones that possess it, as ultimately Topaz is a massive people person, and believes what she’s doing is best for the galaxy.
It’s almost like an experiment, with every little change to their ecosystems, every new organism added, every new abiotic feature taken or removed, Topaz can simulate what that might be like in reality. In a way she wants to take care of humans like she does her pets, however instead of doing it through her own means, she uses the IPC and her power as a Stoneheart as a vector for that.
But why is she so confident? What makes Topaz wholeheartedly believe that what she’s doing really is the best for the galaxy, even if we know it isn’t perfect, even if only ~80% of the planets she works on are “saved”?
Well, like always, it’s her trauma again.
Imagine you’re living on a planet slowly dying due to its people’s greed and ignorance, in which everything you know and love is falling apart, and absolutely nothing can be done about it. But you don’t need to imagine this, I mean this is a situation we are all going through, as it’s already what’s happening to our planet right now, so perhaps instead picture what it might be like to live here in a few decades if nothing changes. How miserable that would be, how upset you would be at those in power, how disappointed you would be in humanity for doing Nothing when we had so much time and already knew the consequences almost a century in advance (seriously we have known about climate change since like the 50s).
So you give up hope and accept your fate, accept that everything is going down in flames and the humanity, the planet you know and love is going to be snuffed out forever.
Only to get saved when an outside influence comes to your assistance. Sure, they make everyone sign a contract binding their lives to them, but you wouldn’t have a life to give had they not helped. Besides, you owe it to every other thing that shares your planet with you, every plant, every animal, every organism has been utterly wiped out by human greed, so it’s only fair to pay them back, right?
I mean it’s your whole world at stake, so how could you say no? How could you deem their terms unreasonable if clearly your own people didn’t deserve the responsibility they had over their own lives? If their situations could only be fixed by giving it to others who could guide them? By giving it to the IPC? The Preservation ?
This is the mindset Topaz grew up on and has known for her entire life. She has seen humanity utterly fail itself and is unwilling to allow that fate to befall others. She doesn’t trust other people to make the right decisions, she doesn’t think they know what’s best for them, because the people she was closest to, her very own people couldn’t do that, so how could she ever expect strangers to do the same?
How could she ever give the leaders of these planets the benefit of the doubt, knowing that doing that for her own almost caused it to be wiped out completely? How could she see them as anything more than the selfish bastards who ruined everything? How could her heart not ache thinking there were people on the planets she helps who would be doomed to experience the fate that almost fell upon her had Topaz not stepped in.
How could Topaz feel guilty over the planets that don’t succeed? The ones she can’t save? As after all, she thinks they were lost from the get go? Does it eat her up at night knowing she failed them? That she couldn’t prevent the folly of humanity this time, so the next planet she must work harder, be more stubborn, push back even more, so nobody ever experiences what she did instead?
I mean being an indentured servant hasn’t been that bad for her, she’s succeeded in every endeavor she’s set her mind to after all. Sure, she’s entirely alone, and sure, if the IPC no longer deems her or her people useful, they could cast them aside once again.
But Topaz is smart, she climbed to the top of the latter, she’s been praised to hell and back, she’s known far and wide through the department for her efficiency and drive, surely she hasn’t done anything wrong?
Sure she’s heard whispers, rumors and projects of other departments, of the deep dark secrets of the company she owes her life too. Inwardly she wonders how those who follow the Preservation would even be willing to commit such atrocities, inwardly she hopes they are just rumors. The IPC saved her planet, so how could they destroy others?
The Preservation’s power will protect all, will save them from their miserable existences. Nothing else matters in the process, no dissenter understands this as like Topaz does. She will save them, she will protect them, even if it means she is detested by everyone she encounters, it must be done. All for the Amber Lord.
I find it very compelling how despite the fact that Topaz has become a Stoneheart, she is still dressed in the fashion of an average IPC worker. As if she is an equal part of the puzzle as them. Equally useful, equally disposable, equally biased, equally ignorant, and equally foolish.
I mean, how could she be anyway else?
Her future
Belabog was just as important for Topaz’s development as she was to it.
She was wrong.
As stubborn as Topaz is, she is not arrogant, and when Bronya proved to her that the people of Belabog can and would fight for their future, Topaz did everything in her power to help them.
As that’s what she really cares about, people.
I think Topaz the determination she has in Bronya and it shook her to her core.
Because so far, the only way Topaz has seen real progress is from the hands of the IPC.
But Bronya doesn’t give into them, and she puts everything she has into saving her people. Moreover, Jarilo-VI follows the Preservation as well, but they don’t agree with the IPC’s method of it.
Is the IPC wrong?
That is the question Topaz is faced with, what is the thing she has to grapple with once she leaves the planet. When they demote her for not getting the debt back immediately, does Topaz wonder why they were so concerned about that in the first place? Shouldn’t they be happy that a world blessed by their very own deity managed to pick itself up without their help? Isn’t that the point?
Does she think back to her previous projects, the planets she saved and the planets she failed, and wonder how it would have worked out without the IPCs involvement?
Did Aventurine teasing her about “failing” the Jarilo-VI project confuse her, because they were still saved like Topaz wanted them to be in the first place? How could they ever be considered a failure?
She believes debts and payback are what holds planets together, but it only ever seemed to cause Belabog to fall apart.
This is the first time Topaz really is forced to reevaluate her priorities, to question if her methods are justifiable, if she’s really doing the right thing.
Belabog didn’t break her, it didn’t topple her worldview and turn everything on its head, but it did plant some seeds of doubt in her brain, seeds of doubt that will grow into a new mindset.
HOYOVERSE IF YOU ARE LISTENING HOYOVERSE, GIVE HER THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN + PRIORITY REEVALUATION ARC SHE DESERVES!!! DO THAT AND MY LIFE IS YOURS PLEASE.
Like you don’t get it you don’t get it what do you mean they set all this up and they might not go anywhere with it. Please hoyo please please please let her break away from the IPC’s condition and warped perspective, please let her truly follow the Preservation, please make her turn away from them, please make her an emanator of Preservation after she does this. Topaz stoneheart form, Topaz emanator form. Please please please let her save the crew let her save her subordinates let her save the people she failed previously let her save Aventurine and Ratio let her save Numby let her save herself.
Her instability
I have already somewhat touched on this in point #3, but Topaz just cannot exist in the state she is now permanently.
Like a radioactive element she’s going to slowly decay over time until she ends up in a more stable form, and who that will hurt in the process, and how long that will take, we will have to see.
Hypocrisy is not something that can exist for long within characters, as due to its inherent contradictions, it messes with the way they are characterized until they are eventually forced to either eliminate it themselves or have the story do it for them.
Topaz is a hypocrite, desiring to do good and help people, but she ends up hurting them in the process.
However, she has only just begun to realize this, and as more and more of the IPC’s atrocities get revealed, it gets harder and harder for both the audience and her herself to justify her behavior as we witness the extent of their crimes.
So how has she remained this stable for so long?
Well, the IPC has done everything in their power to keep her that way. From a young age she was involved with them, as they not only saved her planet, but her only known parental figure worked in the Strategic Investment Department. Soon, he recommended her to Jade due to Topaz’s exceptional talent, and presumably the other Stoneheart quickly picked her up and took her under her wing, causing Jelena to rise fast within the ranks and become one herself.
The IPC has been Topaz’s only frame of reference for how things should be done, her only perspective on write and wrong for so long. The only hints she gets of other points of view are that of the people who destroyed her planet, her own people. Unintentional or not, Topaz has been made to feel her whole life like the IPC are heroes and the common people are foolish and greedy and evil, and only now has that worldview started to crumble piece by piece.
Sure, we have always known how terrible the IPC was, a perception that has only gotten more and more true over time. However, Topaz is not the audience, and in universe the IPC presents themselves in a very positive light.
Think of the Myriad Celestia trailer and how it portrays the IPC; that’s quite literally how they want to be viewed in game, how they market themselves to other people. If Topaz has only ever known them to be that great, shining, progressive company who vows to follow the Preservation and improve the universe, how could even begin to criticize them? After all, she had never known any other perspective. Even when she did fail in the past, Topaz viewed it as a strike on her own record and an unfortunate situation in general, not as a demonstration of the IPC’s misdeeds.
The IPC is good, the IPC saves people, the IPC follows the Preservation, Topaz is a good person, Topaz does good things, Topaz helps people, Topaz saves people, there is nothing wrong, there won’t ever be anything wrong.
Until Belabog
They don’t want to cooperate with the IPC. To roll over and let themselves be gutted for all they are worth.
Well that’s fine, that’s happened before, at least that’s how Topaz justifies it to herself. She thinks of their massive debt, it must be paid after all, otherwise how could the galaxy remain stable?
But the weapons the IPC gave Jarilo-VI were never used in its defense. The thing they owe the IPC for never ended up being valuable. Belabog stood on its own, without the help of IPC in its defense.
They saved themselves.
As if it couldn’t get worse, they did it with the power of the Preservation.
And it didn’t come from the IPC, it came from them.
The Interastral Peace Corporation, who claim to be followers of the Preservation, standing against people who really do have their blessing and being proved wrong.
Do you know how that would feel to Topaz.
She’s wrong, and she’s proven wrong by the very deity she claims to follow, she believes she follows.
So Topaz makes her choice.
Stick with the IPC’s plan, or stand with the people of Belabog
And she stands with them.
Topaz’s character never changes. I hate when people act like she switched up on them and changed her whole worldview, but in reality that was the most in character thing Topaz has ever done in her entire life.
Because she cares about people, so when the opportunity presents itself, she will always stand with them.
This is the first time Topaz goes against the IPC’s wishes, and it won’t be the last.
She made her choice, she demonstrated who and what she truly cares about, and that will only drive a wedge between her and the IPC further and further until she snaps.
I find it funny how Topaz is a fire type character, when the song core to Belabog’s themes is “Wildfire”
However, maybe it isn’t just about them. I think it’s about the Preservation, about what the game in general is trying to tell its players.
How fighting for your right to exist will hurt, but it is not impossible, and that pain will be the only way to enact change.
Well, Topaz,
you made your choice
go fight against your fate
Thank you so much for reading! I really enjoyed making this and I hope you at least understand why I think Topaz is such a compelling character. I need an arc centered on her in the future and if I don’t get one then trust me things will be dealt with. She will get her just desserts.
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr analysis#topaz hsr#topaz#topaz honkai star rail#topaz and numby#Im insane about her I was tweaking while writing this#This community does not deserve Topaz#aventurine#dr ratio#I need to make a post on the parallels between the IP3#They are so so so important to one another though#I hate when ppl downplay that#THE NARRATIVE PARALLELS GRRRRR#ppl need to acknowledge just how hard the IPC fucked up her too#Like it’s more obvious with Aven and Boothill but still
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This isn't a Buddie established relationship ask so feel free to ignore this but I'm curious...what do you see Buck and Tommy eventually breaking up over? Or what would you want them to break up over?
anon do you want to get me killed
no, i'm totally kidding, this is an interesting question! and im sure everyone is going to be completely normal about me answering it right guys
(under a cut for length)
I think if I'm being super honest, my #1 choice would be Eddie. Both for Buddie reasons and for established narrative reasons--Eddie has been haunting the narrative of BuckTommy, so to speak, since the beginning and it makes a lot of sense to me that it would come back around to him in the end. In 7x04, Tommy says it was "never his intention" to come between Eddie and Buck. He also says Buck "isn't the only one" who can get jealous. In 7x05, Eddie says "this doesn't change a thing between us." Maddie in 7x05 also says that line about "if there's something you need to tell Eddie, you will in your own time."
Right now these are just lines that mean what they mean at face value BUT they are also ripe with potential to be foreshadowing for an eventual break-up/Buddie feelings realization arc. I do think the Bi Buck arc/Tommy arc in general is an excellent catalyst for Buddie feelings realization because. well. it DOES change the equation in a fundamental way. And it's like. slow burn romance 101 to have one character pining over the other while they're in a relationship, so. the stage has been set.
But what form that takes exactly, idk. If I'm the one in charge, I think I'd want Eddie feelings realization -> pining while Buck is with Tommy -> separate Buck feelings realization -> break up with Tommy -> mutual pining for a while -> eventual Buck confession -> they get together. With like some more messy fun things thrown into the mix idk.
I'm less enthused but still intrigued by a Tommy realizes BEFORE Buck arc leading to a break up. I think it makes sense as an echo of Buck's bi realization--Tommy was the catalyst there and it wasn't until he kissed Buck that Buck came to terms with his feeling so I do like the narrative parallels there.
But from a character perspective I think I just really want Buck to get there on his own because one of his prevailing character flaws is that he just kinda...does not know what he's doing or what's happening in his brain ever. He says to Connor and Kameron in season 6 that he "doesn't know what he wants." and in 7x05 he says to Tommy he "doesn't know what he's ready for." And Maddie says in 7x05 that Buck "isn't sure of his own feelings yet." So. I'd like to see a growth where he IS sure of his feelings, where he DOES know what he wants and what he's ready for, and is able to take the initiative and be the one to break things off with Tommy (learning from his mistakes with Taylor/Lucy).
If it's not Eddie (or perhaps Eddie is just PART of the equation) then I think it could go a couple different routes. Route 1 would be a fundamental incompatibility, something like...idk. Tommy not really taking Buck seriously as a partner. This would kind of harken back to their first date (and also to Buck's relationship with Abby) and Tommy cutting out because he thinks Buck "isn't ready."
Or maybe they break up because they don't want the same things in life. I've said it before with other Buck relationships on the show but I would actually love to see an amicable break up because Buck wants kids and his partner doesn't. As Buck gets older, I REALLY would love for the show to really delve into his desire for family/kids, and this particular storyline I don't think I've ever seen portrayed. And it's a very normal reason for a couple to break up!
Or maybe Tommy has to move away for a Cool Helicopter Job and Buck contemplates moving with him. Maybe he even decides he will. But then something Happens and at the last minute he realizes he can't leave his family and that his home is in LA and he has to let Tommy go. This would give me a lot of found family feelings so 🥺
Or maybe they end up together and there's no break up arc. Anything could happen tbh.
#sibyl answers#anon#thank you everyone for being totally super normal and cool about me having opinions that may or may not match your own opinions 😊#life is a rich tapestry
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How the My Little Pony Fandom ruined my mental health (long rant(/essay?))
TW: sexual themes, gore, trauma, self harm, suicidality
I will go in-depth in alot of sensitive topics, please proceed with caution
I got into My Little Pony when Season 2 aired. In 2011, I was 7 at the time, 2nd grade. English isn't my first language, I didn't even know other languages were a thing. That is until I got access to the internet. We had a family computer that I used basically daily. I mostly drew on MSPaint and played Animal Jam. I was a happy little girl at the time. Eventually, I discovered YouTube. Which became my new obsession. I consumed content like an addict. And eventually, I stumbled upon My Little Pony, where people uploaded whole episodes. The first episode I watched was "Fall Weather Friends", S1 E13. I was hooked instantly. Bright colorful Ponies! It reminded me of the Fillys I collected. So I consumed more. Was able to find a playlist with all episodes in order. The only thing is, they were in English, which I didn't understand. But I didn't care. I wanted my magical colorful ponies! So I watched it and had an overwhelmingly fun time. It was "Bridle Gossip" S1 E9 where the language just...clicked for me. I can't explain it, but it felt like I suddenly could understand almost every word and my English knowledge expanded from there. Which was a yay for me, because now I could watch my colorful Pony cartoon and actually understand what they were saying. It gave me a big heads up when we started learning English a year later in 3rd grade. I never learned English in that class, knowledge wise I already knew what I needed and was very far ahead of everyone. All thanks to My Little Pony.
But I think it is also the start of when everything went downhill for me.
I explicitly remember holding paper in front of the screen to trace the Mane 6's outfits from the episode "Suited for Success" S1 E14 with a pencil. The show made me really get into art. I drew My Little Pony left and right, and it eventually led me to DeviantArt, which I still have fond memories of. I found out that people made original characters. So I did so too. One of my first ever character was "Starshine" which I still love dearly and sketch when I'm bored. But this also led me down the Brony Fandom rabbit hole. Once I realized people made their own My Little Pony content it was over. I literally obsessed over fan content. I consumed everything that the Fandom could offer. And when I mean everything, I mean Everything.
I don't know what the first gore or nsfw content I consumed, I really do not remember. But it was ultimately this content that shaped me or....better say traumatized me that still affects me to this day.
Just like many people in the Fandom, I found out what "Cupcakes" is. A creepy, gore fanfiction that was about Pinkie Pie dismembering Rainbow Dash and turning her into Cupcakes. One of the many fan content I consumed but I remember this being one of the first experiences I had with gore. I watched the original video from ocarinaplaya. I was, I had no idea what gore was. But it was MLP, so I watched it. And this was the first straw that altered my brain. It was like a car crash, i couldn't look away. The way Pinkie tortured and cut up Rainbow Dash. And I consumed more. Smile HD, Cupcakes SFM, My Little Paradox, Pony.MOV, Lil Miss Rarity, My Little Amnesia, Elements of Insanity (that I still unironically love to this day), and so much more. You name it, I watched it. Things like Elements of Insanity and Cupcakes SFM all led me down the SFM rabbit hole. SFM = Source Filmmaker. When I see SFM models of the MLP characters now, I swear I get flashbacks. Because through SFM I found sensual MLP content. Of course, not all of SFM was sexual or gore. Some masterpieces like Doors, Fluttershys Dream, The Walk, Remembrance, Nightmare Night, all are so good.
But of course with SFM came very...sensual MLP content. Ponies kissing or Making out or even going as far as almost having sex. And something changed in my brain. I started to...actively search out these videos. Rarijack, TwiDash - Hearts and Hooves Day, Appledash, those freaking Fart and Vore videos. I watched it all. I don't know what I felt at the time, I don't remember or more so I don't want to remember. All I know is that I started to seek them out. Like actively searching for it. Which also led me to non sfm sensual content. Twilight Sparkle Pantsu, Friendship is Benefits, Concerning Pegasi, Fluttershy gets BEEPBEEPED in the Maze and infamous Banned from Equestria.
Remember I was a child. 9-10 at the time. And 99% of these videos didn't have any warnings. Nothing. And even if they had a warning 80% of those were joke warnings.
I consumed alot of My Little Pony porn and gore in my childhood. Unrestricted Internet access traumatized me to no end.
It was Banned from Equestria which had changed a lot for me. Because I found out that it was a game. An actual game you could play. And I sought it out. I played a lot of Pony games too, especially the ones on the very old Hasbro website. But Banned from Equestria was almost too easy to find. I found it on a website mainly for bad porn games. And it had a category that was purely for My Little Pony. I just went to search for it. I only needed to type "mlp porn games" and it was instantly there. 2 clicks is all that it took. Yes, the website is still up sadly. That website led me down another awful rabbit hole of My Little Pony porn games. Again, I was 10, I had no idea what porn was. Or sex. But it was this (and a separate event that happened in my family) that taught me what it was. And again, I searched for those things actively. And played those games religiously. By 10 years old I was a freaking porn addict. Not even gore (which I developed PTSD from), but Porn was the thing that caught my attention. I also learned what masturbation was thanks to that. And I did just that. I masturbated almost on the daily. Found my Mom's toys, stole them, and used them. Now, masturbation isn't a bad thing by any means. It's good to explore your body and what makes you feel good but I was just an innocent kid...
My parents never found out. My Mom eventually caught on I stole her toys but never did anything against it. Nor did she educate me. She let me do my thing. So I basically masturbated daily, sometimes more than once. What being horny was, was something I didn't even know. I only knew I wanted to do this because is saw my colorful ponies do it.
But these porn games made me spiral. I lost so much of my childhood innocence through this. I spend most of my childhood and early teen years (I started puberty when I was 9) by watching porn, playing porn, and the occasional gore. It has twisted what sex even was for me. The whole concept was ruined for me. To this day.
Throughout the next years, I learned more about porn, and went through many different rabbit holes. My Little Pony Porn, actual porn, Furry Porn, it didn't matter. If it was Porn, I consumed it.
I would also blame this addiction was the reason I became/am hypersexual.
And now, over 10 years later, what changed?
Nothing. I have grown so disgusted by Sex, it's why I'm AroAceflux now. I know. Hypersexuality and AroAce? Pick a struggle. But I'm serious. I consume a lot of Porn to this day. Masturbation had died down but it still happens occasionally. The people I follow on Patreon mainly do nsfw content. Hell, I was on Nsfw-twt a few years ago too.
Porn has ruined my whole mental state. It's scientifically proven that subjecting children to porn and gore at an early age can severely damage their development and I think I'm no exception.
My mental health has been very bad since 2016. I started to cut myself frequently and get suicidal. I still carry scars to this day and I do blame a lot on this addiction. I've been self-harm clean for about 3 years now. I was severely suicidal again in 2021 where I almost killed myself has it not been a friend calling the cops i still struggle with being suicidal to this day though, despite having finished therapy.
I also struggled with a lot of identity stuff at the time. I have it figured out now and am openly out as a trans man by a lot of people in my life. And I have an amazing support system now. But I never really had the opportunity to talk about THIS. How the My Little Pony Fandom ruined my mental health due to the content that was created, without any content warnings. I say I also developed my PTSD from this.
Obviously not just that, it was a lot of trauma family and school-wise wise that made me develop PTSD but I also will blame these types of MLP content for this as well.
Now, I love the Brony fandom. I still do. So many people I have met who are in this Fandom are so incredibly nice, but the awful stuff just stands out even more. This was an innocent kids show about colorful ponies and the magic of friendship. Many children with unrestricted internet access watched it. And watched this type of content. The Fandom should have been a lot more critical about the type of content that they post
I know I'm not the only person that was subjected to gore and porn. Many children from 2010-2017 were traumatized by this type of content. And I wouldn't be surprised if many also developed mental disorders because of it, whether it be Depression, PTSD, Hypersexuality, etc. Many of the young fans are scarred
And we still are
And we are still trying to heal as young adults
Hell, I'm turning 20 very soon, and I still struggle so hard with my mental health and the scars I got in my early childhood and early teen years.
I should've spend those years so much differently
But I didn't and know I'm left to pick up the pieces.
I hope this shines some light on the cruel side of the Brony community, I recommend Raymundo2112's video "The SINS of Bronies", it goes also in-depth about the psychological effects of children being subjected to porn and gore
Please be careful what children consume on the internet.
Now
I apologize for this length, I just wanted to talk about it
I'm open to any questions that may come up, and I'm sorry for my irl people who see this
Thank you for reading, it means alot
#mlp fim#my little pony#mlp g4#mlp#my little pony friendship is magic#rant post#personal#mental health#brony
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themes!!
casual kindness
never giving up hope not even for a second!!
everybody is in earnest, even if it's painfully so
self sacrificing love
but that doesn't come out of self hatred that comes out of love for everyone including themselves
joy in one another and in nature
willingness to work hard to benefit everyone
characters!!
judith 'magpie' holmes
strengths: sees the best in everyone, easily trusting
weaknesses: overconfidence
neutral: likes shiny things
magic(?): rudimentary communication with birds
erin 'dormouse' campbell
strengths: easily trusting, thinks deeply
weaknesses: mild self esteem issues, lack of confidence
neutral: favourite colour is green
magic(?): brilliant tracker
daniel 'kingfisher' martin
strengths: unshakeable optimism, gentleness
weaknesses: able to be easily led astray
neutral: lots of hand gestures
magic(?): exceptionally good at diving and holding his breath underwater
roberta 'tortoise' carter
strengths: deep thinker, carefully considers all options
weaknesses: can be indecisive
neutral: good at dancing
magic(?): everything grows faster when she's around
anna 'robin' mccartney
strengths: reminding everyone of God's goodness, hopeful, gentleness
weaknesses: can be overbearing, sometimes leaves others behind by accident
neutral: moves quickly
magic(?): rudimentary communication with animals, generally prey animals
grace 'dolphin' andrews
strengths: kind, patient, stubborn
weaknesses: has difficulty letting go of preconceived notions, jumps to conclusions
neutral: has the most intoxicating laugh
magic(?): can sprint or swim long distances without being tired or out of breath
patrick 'fox' andrews
strengths: very much in earnest, quick-witted, stubborn
weaknesses: can be sarcastic and occasionally nasty because of it, can accidentally talk over others
neutral: brother to grace
magic(?): can jump incredibly high
ryan 'elephant' rogers
strengths: good at picking up patterns, patient
weaknesses: can be prejudiced
neutral: ends up going home to his uncle and hence passing out of the story
magic(?): incredibly strong
?? 'panda' nolan
strengths: extreme enthusiasm and is very quick to hype others up
weaknesses: prone to constant small lies
neutral:
magic(?):
?? 'snow leopard' scrooge
thaddeus 'tadpole' scrooge
strengths: very trusting, sees the best in everyone
weaknesses: slightly prone to being whiny
neutral: originally nicknamed frog, snowy is his big brother, is the BONUS CHILDLING
magic(?): can talk to frogs
pollyanna 'pollywog' scrooge
strengths: hopeful and upbeat
weaknesses: can be unrealistic in expectations
neutral: sister to snowy and tad
magic(?): can fit through small spaces nobody else can even tad
#the slice of life thingy#spitballing ideas rn#judy is a special case to me. she's darling. she was an early oc and bonded with magpies.#all the others are yoinked out of my brain rn#names and stuff may change#im just throwing out ideas lol#and there are more characters eventually these are just the ones in my brain#tell me what you thinks of it!!#and yeah some of these characters are inspired by friends and or mutuals#grace 'dolphin' i am looking at you
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Something funny for your spy x family ASL au
Luffy took ONE look at loid and internally went 'oh sweet. He's a spy like sabo' and never brings it up while anya just stares at him horrified and like with ace and sabo, he just never brings it up.
This also happens with yor and anya makes a funny noise
(As i am typing this my dog has the zoomies and is running around like a maniac)
HAHA YEAH THIS WOULD DEFINITELY HAPPEN
I think loid’s a good enough actor that luffy wouldn’t figure it out immeditely from like just a few seconds of meeting him but give him a minute or a few and he’ll figure it out on vibes alone
#one piece#spy x family crossover#monkey d luffy#anya forger#the problem with writing luffy is I am very bad at writing him#I’m much much better at general like…… reasoning and rationale and so my writing style just does not mesh well with luffy#I don’t like that luffy seems so often to act as just a judge of character or human goodness litmus test#because while his judgement on who is good has been mostly correct up to this point it has also mostly been arbitrary#I think my excuse for luffy being able to tell so quickly in sxf crossover what secret identities people are hiding#mostly comes down to being more perceptive than people give him credit for and having ridiculous intuition#I don’t think he consciously registers clues or anything but I do think his brain catalogues a lot of details that come together eventually#so-called ‘vibes’ I guess#but yeah Anya has absolutely no clue how he’s doing it because he also has no clue how he’s doing it
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of all the star wars movies, which of them do y'all 1) enjoy the most 2) consider the best quality and 3) think you've rewatched the most. add your answers in the reblogs or replies, i'm genuinely curious how much of an overlap there is within everyone's three answers. mine don't overlap at all! they're revenge of the sith, empire strikes back, and the force awakens :^)
#len speaks#star wars#revenge of the sith#empire strikes back#the force awakens#not tagging more films than that bc i cant b bothered. incoming tag ramble ahead bc i have sw brainrot rn and im making it everyones prob❤️#i rlly struggled 2 remember if id watched tfa or aotc more. i went w/ tfa bc it was formative to me as a teen and ive seen it probably 6ish#times? whereas aotc was the first sw movie i remember (specifically the scene of obiwan serving c*nt in the bar lmao) but i've only seen it#for sure 4.5 and maybe 5.5 times. the .5 is from when i got bored after obi-wan's scene ended and ran off to go play in the mud or smthn 😭#i'm sure tfa will eventually get surpassed in number of rewatches by aotc and rots bc i don't fw the direction of the ST but that's my#current ballpark estimate of my total number of rewatches#as an adult tho if i just wanna watch a star war i'll go with aotc bc it's fun and ends semihappily and i can turn my brain off for the#spinny lightsabers. it's great background noise or for if you're sick or whatever. rots on the other hand? i won't talk through that unless#i'm quoting it with my brother and i am LOCKED IN 100% entirely entranced by it all#i almost picked rogue one for the best quality answer but i think the character writing is weaker and the facial cgi is creepy. esb beats#it by a hair imho bc of that. the vader hallway scene goes hard tho!!!#also i'm not covering shows or games or books or anything else in this post - simply the films. might ask abt shows later but that might#also give me hives bc so many of the shows suck ass and i don't rlly want ppl extolling the virtues of t.bb in my notes 💀#and yes i do think one's enjoyment and one's opinion of quality are two things that often overlap. but sometimes you just like something#bad and that's awesome. like rots is the best of the prequels by a large margin and i adore the opening and characters and many of the#scenes but that doesn't mean it's the best star wars has to offer ykwim? it's my specialest most favoritest sw movie but that doesn't blind#me to the dialogue lmfaooo
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Tbh I'm surprised nobody else has brought up the idea of Richard being abused too
It feels like a lot of potential for it and an explanation (aside from their status) as to why Roy never got help for it either -- Richard thought it was normal.
Now this is just making me imagine a scene where Carmen remarks that Roy will "grow out of it" (it being his behavior) like Richard did in front of the other Hatz and Ross and Robert just share a Look
Anddd now I'm wondering how much Carmen knows
TW for discussions of fictional CSA/SA and mentions of alcoholism
Me too, I thought it would be an obvious assumption but I guess not.
Exactly, I’ve seen the fandom explore Carmen and Roy’s relationship regarding his CSA but never with Richard. I think it’s ashamed because there’s a lot you can write for the relationship, even outside of their CSA.
Omg that’s a good scene idea. The Hatzgang are realized there is a deeper issue, and Roy has to unfortunately unpack that generational trauma. I can see how learning his dad is a possible CSA victim, like him, starts pushing Roy to tell his parents but also discourages him because basically Richard unknowingly knew Roy was SA but never recognized it because he doesn’t know he was SA too. I also believe Richard normalized his brother’s actions too. It’s truly devastating how Richard indirectly contributed to the normalization of Roy’s abuse but he doesn’t know it’s SA. He believes those fun “games” him and his brother played were normal family bonding activities and is happy to hear his son is getting along with his brother, a brother he admired when growing up.
These headcanons might change as the series continues and the deeper I get into research.
I headcanon Carmen doesn’t know anything but has suspected something was off a few times. She never thought anything of Richard’s behavior at first because he alway been this way. When they became adults, she started questioning as Richard still had issues with intimacy at that point in their relationship and his alcoholism was at its worst. (Short ver: Richard started drinking at a young age to cope with trauma of his SA and the Uncle encouraged this, buying him alcohol for various reasons. Modern day, Richard is a functional alcoholic but has gotten better with his drinking)
As of the moment, Roy’s parents are unaware of Roy’s CSA. The day the Uncle died, Roy did get in trouble but for separate reasons. Carmen and Richard were mad at Roy for hanging out with “plebeians” and sending them to one of his uncle’s private properties. Roy doesn’t feel comfortable telling them yet because they’re snobby, judgmental people, so he assumes they won’t react well.
#sorry if the length bothers you#This idea has been taking up my brain#There is so much to unpack about this idea like Richard’s life in the past. the generational truama. and Roy’s life in the present#I also want to apologize if some headcanons are poorly implemented. I feel there was certain headcanons I have that wouldn’t make sense-#without other pre-lore headcanons to explain them and I didn’t know to add them smoothly#I have so many thoughts for this AU they obviously focus on Richard’s youth and Roy in current#I’m currently interested in fleshing out Richard’s youth and how he dealt with the CSA without knowing it#Especially the social side of like being a boyfriend and having dumbass friends who also are dealing with their own issues. develop their-#own terrible habits. and encourage one another toxic behaviors because they were stupid teenagers#I do have a scene in mind when Roy eventually tells Carmen and Richard about his SA and have written a little for it#Like I’d mentioned there’s a lot of potential with this AU and I want to see the fandom talk about Roy and Richard’s relationship-#More so regarding their CSA experiences. I believe it can be a powerful story to write#Though one thing I don’t like about it is how I have to write for the Uncle and give him a character#just a awful character to write for#eugh#BTW I do have a sensitive reader for this AU but criticism is still very much welcome#spooky month#spooky month roy#spooky month carmen#spooky month richard#answered asks#ChuchaYucca.text#tw csa mention#tw csa#tw sa mention#tw sa#tw alchoholism
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shadow in my room where there usually isn't one and i know why it's there and what's causing it but my silly ass is like ooooo.....little ghost in my room
#this is so beaucore of me as well btw#beau's exploration of grief one of the most fun for me to write#bc part of it is deadass like “well if i have to grieve i also want to find out if ghosts are real or not”#he is NOT HAPPY that he has yet to see a lingering shadow at the end of the hallway#bobby promising beau that after he dies he'll come back to haunt him so he knows ghosts are real and now beau's like WHERE ARE YOU????#the question i have to answer is like. are ghosts actually real in the canon#i would like to say yes because ghosts are sooo fun but i dont think im gonna approach it in a direct/superantural way#more like an ambiguous/surreal vibe of haunting#one thing i forgot to mention in the wip intro is that beau believes that bobby is communicating with him by influencing his love life lol#which is both ridiculous and endearing i love how his brain works#i would kind of like the haunting to elevate until beau is eventually convinced that bobby's ghost ass is in his room#but in a cool surreal way where as the reader you dont know if that actually is real#but end of the day it doesnt matter if it is because it's real to beau...thats my philosophy on hauntings#but also i just want to have fun with a ghost character. he's not straight up there as a character but he is There u know
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AH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY EARLIER but it's kind of stupid, lmao.
So my partner is getting into brewing beer and I got them a Tilt, which is a Bluetooth hydrometer. It measures specific gravity and temperature, which are things you want to know so that you don't kill your yeast or whatever. Except the sensor's Bluetooth range is super short, and it basically runs via a phone app, and the temperature we're logging currently is the crawlspace, accessible via the staircase closet. So they were like, wait, what do we do about this, because I can't leave my phone in the closet, that's my alarm clock.
In a kind of ridiculous turn of life imitating art, I was like, hold up, I got just the thing right at my desk. Bam. Old phone. We just needed to scrounge up a charger because the battery is so dead that after charging just enough to power on it claimed it was at 53% (to be fair to it, there is a very real chance that it's correct, and it just holds no charge at this point so the capacity is just THAT low) and now it lives in the closet logging sensor data.
And I was like, you know...didn't I just solve a major story detail with a much larger version of this...yeah, no, this is all vaguely familiar somehow, power supply issues and all. Kind of cool that the concept works though. Kind of weird that it came up at all?
We are not gonna talk about the fact that I still have at least two more ancient-ass phones in a drawer where that came from because look, man, sometimes you just need a camera/mic/mini computer with Bluetooth and wifi that fits in a pocket, and people just get rid of these things, but not me. I actually could build a shitty security system out of them if I was reaaaally inclined. I mean. I'm not. But it's technically possible.
For real though, If I pick up any stupid maker projects I still high-key am thinking about slapping Bluetooth into a necomimi headset and running that through an Arduino and learning to code just enough to let me skip songs/change the volume on Spotify with my brain, because it's entirely doable, and I mean yeah I could do that on my phone remotely too, but that's not funny, now, is it. I'm just not sure it's $350+ of parts funny. Kind of a big investment just to prove the point that haha look I am the extremely ADHD type of lazy where I would rather solve a problem via the most convoluted and complicated Rube-Goldberg type ass machine way possible rather than just perform a single simple action.
YEAH I'VE BEEN THIS SCATTERED ALL DAY AND I REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED SHOULDN'T I. I started playing Satisfactory. Mistakes were made. I'm going to dream about conveyor belts again and I did it to myself...
#you know I used to mostly blog about witchcraft and paganism#and now I'm like. you know what I want to do? chain an EEG sensor to the Spotify API and skip songs with my brain.#it's kind of like magic when you put it like that. maybe things haven't actually changed that much after all#the headset idea actually came about bc I'd gotten so far into the writing zone that I literally just. tried to skip a song with my brain.#because I had so much reploid characters on my mind that it just sounded like a normal course of action I should be able to take#obviously it didn't work and cue me sitting there for a full 3 seconds going 'why didn't it. wait. why did I think it would?'#followed immediately after by 'YEAH BUT I PROBABLY COULD DO THAT ACTUALLY'#because you just Cannot write a character like Glitch without it rubbing off on you a little bit and WWGD kicked in real hard lmao#well obviously he'd [ridiculous chain of ideas ending in 'anyway I installed some shit and now I can control Spotify with my mind']#and I gotta say I do not like the idea of sticking a sensor on the *inside* of my skull. sounds very bad.#but it doesn't have to be on the inside to work soooo there's that!#I have a friend who for quite a long time had a rare earth magnet in one finger so he could find live wires by touch#he ended up removing it for work eventually but when I say I was jelly. man. but also kinda squeamish about it.#I do not like sharp things and I am Very funny about my fingers as an artist/writer/used to be musician.#but man that sounds cool. I want the magnet senses. I don't think I want them enough to have a magnet under my skin though#I think I wouldn't use them enough for that to be helpful actually lmao#anyway do I even need more senses? probably not. mine are already unfiltered and loud as shit.#'boy I wish I could sense magnetic fields' says idiot guy who can hear the mains hum even with no electronics currently turned on#like when the power goes out I can FEEL the fucking difference in the air and it's unnaturally quiet and kinda spooky#I do not think I need help on this front actually. I think I got it handled pretty okay lol
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wait you got me so invested in the stammer & heddy tailor au....
this is my standard disclaimer that i have never posted a fic on ao3* and for however much i say “au” i truly mean that it’s a universe that lives in my head & i am absolutely delighted to tell you all about, all the time <3 if it helps i ALSO got me so invested in the heddy & stammer tailor au
ok now that the author’s note is out of the way here’s some notes about the not!fic heddy & stammer tailor au:
stammer as the tailor from gent’s playbook, very reserved, quiet, with an excellent eye for details (honestly the evidence i have for his style sense is just that he’s best friends with pk subban so it has to be there somewhere if only by proxy irl) is hired by victor hedman, star of the tampa bay lightning who is every other tailor’s nightmare to dress (huge, opinionated, fashionable)
heddy is decently well-known throughout the league for being very well-dressed & becomes quietly well known for also being one of his new tailor’s favorite loyal customers [heddy has the nicest fabrics. he has his suits the first day a new collection drops & e v e r y o n e is jealous]
stammer’s business booms after heddy takes a chance on him as his first big client & promotes him, heddy sees him grow in popularity & get more clients
heddy also moonlights as a model for stammer’s suits on instagram, initially to help him grow his business because then he won’t have to pay for a model and then because he’s over there all the time anyway because they’re dating (that’s why the model’s face is never in the pictures)
there’s not really a plot to this besides the vague idea of a plot where stammer makes heddy his lucky suit that he wins the cup in & sews a special little tag into the lining of his jacket that says i love you
because love sometimes is picking out the perfect right color pocket square to match your husband’s beautiful suit that you fitted like a kiss to the curves of his huge body
& also sometimes love is making your beautiful husband who makes you beautiful clothing enjoy nice things for himself once in a while, like the fancy watch you bought him or the nice suit you custom-ordered for him (from him) just so you could take it off of him
#*i did very much post a zine on ao3 that was part of a really fun exchange that i loved doing (thank you leah for organizing!!!)#& had a fantastic time with however i have not strictly speaking posted a fic. one day i will. eventually. hopefully. pray for me :)#also one time my horoscope told me i was a ‘neutral projector’ & i’ve never felt more called out (‘loves making up things’/‘will not#actually write or plot but will explain every intricate detail of their world & character relationships’/‘hype up every member of the#writing chat & give good advice but never follow it’) like HI CAN U NOT DO THIS TO ME HOROSCOPE THANKS i was read to FILTH#liv in the replies#i do LOOOOOVE me a good one of them plays hockey the other one does not au sometimes they’re so fun to explore dynamics outside/inside sport#at the time i came up with this stammer was out on IR & heddy kept showing up to the playoffs in ridiculously nice suits what was i to do??#the gent’s playbook tailor will sometimes model his own suits w/o showing his own face which made it look like he had a secret model come in#heddy canonically says his suits make him feel better when he plays esp during playoffs & if he wins in a suit he’ll keep wearing it#oh also the truth of the love is in the pocket square bit? angela price i will never forget. anyway that blue suit i posted in the last ask#with the perfect pink pocket square? that pocket square is a pair of stammer’s boxers heddy took To Me. in my brain#me about the beautiful clothing: this is like daisy crying in gatsby’s silk shirts except it’s baby alpaca fur & also it’s not sad#it’s simply decadent & the inherent intimacy of a fitting mapping the body yada yada yada knowing the ways to flatter someone is a form#of loving them etc etc. love is art love is food love is given love is stored in the custom three-piece suit and tie#is this an enemies to lovers? workplace drama? is the secret plot i only just now invented & added that heddy is ‘difficult to work with’#but it’s just because he wants to look good & in the words of his own (real) tailor the hardest guy to fit because he’s so big? OHHH HOLD IT#I GOT THE PLOT IN THE TAGS Y’ALL AND IT’S STAMMER TEACHING HEDDY TO LOVE HIS BODY heddy who’s been told what to/not wear & you know.#the commodification of the body in hockey (but we’re not getting that deep) but stammer with a mouth full of pins tightening heddy’s pant#leg down even further as he listens to what heddy wants for once & lets him pick fabrics (this is the daisy shirt moment but it’s heddy#looking at fabric swatches dozens of books of them stammer helps him pick out matching linings &outsides &squares) & stammer compliments him#& they’re in love & idk NEARLY enough abt fashion but there r like codes? messages? to wearing suits i think w/the etiquette so that too#should this have also gone under a readmore? yeah probably. whoops#victor hedman#steven stamkos#tampa bay lightning
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Wait just one thing about IWSY : How did she release herself from the umbilical?
She used her overseers! They're not, like. Super physical? Given how they can teleport and all, but they do have some physicality and can interact with other things inside the iterators' structures. So Innocence guided zer overseers to very slowly undo the connection between zer puppet and zer umbilical. The process took years, actually; not something he likes thinking about, but there's no real quick way to go about it when you're reliant on your overseers to help physically.
#it's part 'bro just trust me' and part 'yeah overseers can do more than you think'#i like to think they're the same sort of creature as inspectors#not quite a larval form but similar to one#so they can still touch stuff and move it around. just not very well#in a way you can take sig a bit literally when they joke about having overseers like#'gnaw through their can until it crashes down into the void sea'#not quite 'gnawing' but definitely some sort of physical action#rain world#IWSY#for a second i thought this was asked on the IWSY blog and was about to answer in character fghkgf#also hi my brain's broken#i will update shit. uh. eventually
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🐍
#[ out of character ] masquerade; hide your face#not feeling the greatest any time i check my dash ngl. i feel like i’m annoying everyone LOL ;;#everyone’s allowed to pick and choose who they wanna interact with/if they wanna answer asks - i know that and practice that myself#but rsd tells me that too many times left on read/ignored/etc. is me being told to fuck off —#and i worry i’ve missed hints or some secret etiquette.#it’s no one’s fault but sometimes i wish ppl would just hmu and be like ‘hey not really feeling your ask’ cause#otherwise my brain whispers that i’m loathed and everyone’s just putting up with me — eventually it’s like clockwork.#i try to play it off and just back away or eventually quietly unfollow — it keeps happening tho. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong.#so heres my whispering this in my corner as a final little white flag.#i think i might become more strict. mutuals only — etc. cause at that point if you follow me but hate me that’s weird and not my fault!!#anyways it’s ginran’s anniversary today i want good vibes. i’ll go back to not being human after this short commercial break.
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#i am just. so emotionally exhausted about this friend group implosion and i haven't even talked to the person who it all started with#those of us who are sticking together were talking about it and how our formerly mutual friend used to handle certain topics yesterday#and then today that whole thing with the fic theft (I think i've mentioned that here before but whatever) was still tickling my brain#as it has literally every day since it happened#I was like 'yo fam can i rant about something else that [name] did that i'm upset about but can't talk to them about'#and they're all like fuck yeah spill it#so i explained what happened with that fic#AND THEY ALL CHIMED IN THAT HE DID IT TO THEM TOO#they all had very similar experiences with him that eventually led to not sharing new fics with him#or even talking about characters with him cause he thought he knew better for the characters#even though us writers found the subject matter to be cathartic; like hurt/comfort or angst- that sort of stuff#but he'd be like 'oh that's so dark i'm adopting this character and i'll give them a better life'#he actually said that to one of my friends#and yeah he rewrote one of my fics and then posted it on ao3 without asking me#so now i'm even more upset about this#he hasn't talked to me about this whole situation yet and i don't really want to be the one to bring it up first#i dread the day he decides to talk to me#but for now i'm just. not talking in his discord server#those of us that sided with the guy he blocked and publicly declared they weren't friends anymore have started a new server#and it feels much more chill. i never really realized how much it felt like walking on eggshells around him trying not to upset him#hell i didn't even know to what degree of atheism many of the other server members had been until we got out of there#another person is even in the same boat as me where we were both raised christian but dumped that when we figured out we were queer#and yet this former friend is self described as queer and all but still works for a christian organization who is very vocally anti-lgbt#he never wanted to talk about where he worked and now i know why 🙄#and then he would post religious guilt tripping stuff too and that was extremely triggering#that was over a year ago but it still bothers me#whatever. washing my hands of him; don't want to talk to him again if i can get away with it#at least i don't live in the same country as him; let alone the same town like some of the others who've unfriended him#i'm glad others understand how i feel about what he did with my fic but it sucks that he did it to so many people#kee speaks
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TEEHEE KICKS LEGS BACK AND FORTH. ok so nico (name still possibly up for debate but ive started using it so ive probably gotten attached) is. hm. okay basically hes celines dead not dead brother not brother. this is a fun way to describe him so ill continue to.
anyway for all one person who read my hbf fma au stuff his deal is Basically Greed But Reskinned but for the ones who havent ill give a rundown anyway! so i mentioned that celines Braincell Holder brother died in a workplace accident at the young age of Like Fourteen right. well dont get ur hopes up nico isnt him. basically celine did. not take this well at all but in like a (blindly optimistic (i can fix this)) way and never really accepted the fact that hes dead. of course its kind of hard to fix a person being dead but shes already a magic student right she can just study necromancy to bring him back!! dont worry about the fact that shes also a dropout. and never really did many studies on how corpses react after being reanimated. or if they even have the same personalities as the original, if they have personalities at all. shes a bit blinded by her sheer Want to bring her brother back that she doesnt really bother to confirm if its actually possible. much less a good idea
so shock and awe when she actually does attempt to necromancy her dead brother back to life (probably having committed a good deal of grave robbery but lets not mention that) it doesnt go so well. well it does work. kind of. there is a dead kid walking around now and all things considered it could have gone worse hes not a shambling zombie. he does have a personality its just that it is Very Much Not Her Brother and he is Very Insistent on the fact that he is not her brother. its kind of just assumed that his spirit's just whatever ghost was hanging around at the time bc said brother's actual soul was probably Long gone at that point. anyway nicos pretty freaked about being alive and, to add to the being freaked, after a while he starts remembering things that celine's brother did since he Does still have his brain. so its a (High level identity crisis with a dose of slowly uncovering more and more trauma that hes like. experiencing through a third person perspective) deal on one end and a (sunshine character not only stops denying and finally accepts that shes Allowed to grieve but also owns up to the consequences of her own actions) deal on the other. i think its really interesting. sibs dont turn sibs into magical guinea pigs, celine you cant oopsie head bonk hehe your way out of this one
#hes new so i havent Exactly figured out how he acts yet but probably not terribly well#his main insp is an Incredibly Feral character so part of me wants to say that hes just (break stuff break stuff)#but he is still a 14 year old. by the way hes still a 14 year old give or take#i dont know how itll happen but i Really want him and celine to reconcile is all#my ideal is theyre still a sibling dynamic but like. explicitly an adoptive sibling one#but i Will say its a really tense relationship for a good good while. itll take a lot#by the way i still dont have a name for said brother but for. pretty much as long as nicos Around he doesnt go by that#he just kinda refuses to have a name until they do eventually reconcile i think. i think itd be cute to have them brainstorm names together#celine has experience after all :> (shes transed gender) (she made her name a cat pun)#she only suggests cat puns until he notices. he then Gives Up On Her.#he thinks abt it later and goes (oh God Dammit im attached to this one.) and celine couldnt be more delighted abt it#vee shut up#blorbos from my brain
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