i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

top 5 newmann moments (canon or headcanon/made up)

U r getting both. Also, this is long bc i have "can't shut up" disease :[

Top 5 Newmann moments (canon)

1. "Say it with me, my man. We are gonna own this bad boy" / "By Jove, we are going to own this thing for sure"- like what can i even say about this scene, the first time i watched it, i had to pause the movie, everything about this scene is just so good, the awkward handshake, the fact that Newt says "my man" and "bad boy", the fact that Hermann smiles at him with a smile rivaling the sunniest of days as he awkwardly holds Newts hand, the fact that they are drift compatible i just. Yeah.

2. Uprising Hug - Hermann breaking his PDA rule to bodily throw himself at Newt, do i need to say more, this was not a normal side hug, this was a "i missed you i missed you so much i am so glad you are back and christ we just did that" hug and newt maybe doesn't even know about it and i bite bite, precursors meet me behind the walmart.

3. Passionate and Fascinating Letters - they had no reason to include this as canon lore but it kills me inside, especially cause i am pretty sure they had emails but these two nerds just decided to do the most yearning thing of writing, assumingly, pages upon pages to eachother, disscussing theories, sharing research, slowly dropping in more private stuff... looking forward to coming home after a day at the labs or wherever they where at the time cause maybe there will be a letter waiting for them in the mail box i am ngh.

4. The choking scene - listen i love angst, i think deKnight or whoever else was responsible for editing out Newts tears in this scene is a coward, but this scene. The emotional impact of it? Hermann not fighting back? Newt looking at him like that in one of the only moments we get to hear and see the real Newt shine thru the Precursors control?? Newt saying "I am sorry, Hermann." Newt in the novel saying: "Help me, Hermann" Yeah. Yeah.

5. In uprising when they pan over Hermanns lab and you see that's it's kinda messy with cups standing everywhere (with. Heavy implication that it's because of the Drift with Newt) and him having a fucking picture of the two of them on his desk even though at this point it's been 10 years, i am ;_; even after Newt left him... he never left Hermanns mind... Aaaa

Honorable mention: the hug cockblocked by Tendos entire body - the little taps on the back, man. The taps.

Headcanonish

1. The little time between Hermann finding Newt seizing on the floor and getting Pentecost bc Newt must have gotten from "unconcious" and "one the floor" to sitting in Hermanns little green shivel chair, concious with a glass of water, also Hermanns quiet "I don't know what to do" when he comes in with Pentecost heavily implies that Hermann did try to comfort him in a Hermann way and listen. Listen.

2. Their first meeting in real life - "they instantly disliked eachother" lives in my head rent free, i want to know what happened, did Newt role up in Kaiju themed shoes while Hermann overdressed because he was nervous? Did they both missread eachothers nonverbal communication things because talking in real life is way different than just writing? What happened that they looked at eachother and mutually went "yo fuck this guy"

3. Newt saying goodbye to Hermann to go to Shao and the build up to that bc i am a glutton for angst, imagine Hermann and Newt after the drift finally figuring some shit out, Hermann maybe thinking no matter what comes they will be together and then Newt slowly starts to pull away. Not that noticable at first, maybe he gets a bit quieter, but then it ramps up, Newt spends more time away from Hermann and then one day he tells him he is leaving for Shao and Hermann has a little crisis over it because how did he missread the signs so bad, ofc Newt would not want to be with him but it hurts watching Newt leave their lab for the last time and i am a big fan of that concept. Bonus points the first few days of Hermann discovering something and wanting to share it with Newt, only to turn around and see that his station is cleaned up and empty and yeah ):

4. I like to think that when the war in the first movie was under full force, they had little moments of vunerability between eachother. Stuff like after a especially tiring day they just wordlessly find their way to the others room and the talk in for them unusual quiet voices and maybe they allow themselves to cry in those moments and it doesn't really matter because they can hold eachother up in these moments. Them learning over time to read eachothers signals. They still yell at eachother and fight but who is gonna call them out if Newt plays his music a little quieter when Hermann is having a bad day or Hermann leaving out food for Newt if he gets too focused on science to take care of himself

5. This is self indulgent but that they have the typical german riveraly of "we come from diffrent regions and we say some words differently and it's common knowledge, but i will fight you because this is not how you say that word, i am correct you are wrong /light hearted" and they tease eachother every chance they get about it

not anon but down to talk anyway, hiya!!! hm… how’d you get involved w ninjago fandom, if you don’t mind me asking? :]

buckle up this is a long story lmao

I originally started watching Ninjago in about 2013 or 2014 (which I say because I vividly remember Rebooted's release). I was about 9 or 10 then, and wasn't really on the internet much (for a multitude of reasons, the most obvious being I was 9/10). My grandma started thinking it was making my brother violent (because of course) so she banned either of us from watching it.

Jump forward to 2019, I visited my aunt and cousins for a week or so during July. While I was there, we watched a movie every night. One day we were at their local Smith's and The Lego Ninjago Movie was at the RedBox there. Up to that point I'd seen The Lego Movie and The Lego Batman Movie, and also remembered when the Lego Ninjago Movie was released (as a trailer had played at a bowling alley I went to. My exact thought when I saw that ad was "oh god not ninjago") and thought "Hmm, I've seen every Lego movie besides the Ninjago one and the sequel to The Lego Movie, why not watch The Lego Ninjago Movie?" so we rented it (worth mentioning The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part had only been out for about 5 or 6 months at this point). This basically rocketed me face first into the Tumblr Ninjago fandom. When Prime Empire released I was kind of put off by it at first because I was 16 and felt like the "everyone is on their phones doing dumb stuff and not noticing anything going on around them" thing was cringe (iirc this was when the shorts were first releasing, might've also been when the trailers were releasing, not completely sure), so I drifted away from Ninjago and got into Sonic for 2 years.

Eventually some stuff happened in the Sonic fandom and I didn't really want to focus on it anymore, so I decided to check back in with Ninjago back in May or June of last year. Also made an entirely new Tumblr account to separate myself from the old one, I haven't opened the old one since May. Since then I've been mostly focusing on Ninjago. Funnily enough, Prime Empire, which drove me away from Ninjago the first time, is now one of my favorite seasons (in large part because of visuals and soundtrack but I also like the story and you can't go wrong with Ninjago Confidential lmao).

One of my main regrets from my 2019-2020 time in the fandom is not getting the Jay and Kai avatar minifigs when I saw them at Walmart in 2020. I am very sad that I did not get them, as I love both Kai and Jay's avatars (I would buy Lloyd's just to toss it in a fire. I am dead serious don't test me giving Lloyd a mohawk was a mistake). If I ever get the chance I would love to get them.

Anyway yeah. There's the story of how I got into the Ninjago fandom. Twice.

Fresh Squeeze, Pt. 6

Pairing: Daveed Diggs x OFC Linden Marshall

Set in 2023, post-pandemic

Warnings: Cursing, Wild Thoughts™️, Angst, Yearning, 18+, Walmart shopping, Anime discussion, Anthony Ramos. Lots of Plot

Word Count: 2.8 K

Plot: Linden Marshall just finished law school at Columbia University in NYC. Daveed Diggs is still creating magic with his platonic life partner Rafael Casal in the form of their Blindspotting musical, Bay Boys. Linden’s boyfriend WAS Mark Monaco, star of the superhero movie series Invincible.  They were together for years, and her trauma and his addictions were toxic. She knows now that wasn’t love. 

A/N: Keep in mind that this the same AU as Arrivals, with Holly Woods, but is BEFORE Rafa and Holly get together. 

Read the previous chapter.

==================

Isabela, Puerto Rico, May 2023

“We are about 30 minutes from our destination. Please stay seated with your seatbelts fastened. The pilot will let you know when it is safe to do otherwise. Enjoy the rest of the flight.”

The flight attendant’s announcement woke up Daveed. He felt warm and happy. And he had you in his arms.

Daveed moved his head down into your curls, and kissed the top of your head., checking to see if anyone was watching. Everyone was knocked the fuck out. 

You had fallen asleep on his shoulder about 45 minutes into the flight after passing around champagne bottles. You were so cute, but he could tell that your neck was gonna be wrecked when you awoke.

Daveed had carefully maneuvered you so that he could pull up the armrest without waking you. You were dead to the world, so you waking up wasn’t a problem. 

Then, he pulled you to his chest, situating the blanket around you two and leaning back.  If he wanted anything from you right now, at the top of the list would be to be able to hold you like this and to show love.

He questioned that word in his mind. Love, really? He did love you, even if it was only as a good friend. But could it be more? Were you ready for that? Was he?

Daveed looked around to see Craig watching him and giving a thumbs up.  No one else noticed, Rafa was on his laptop and he could have sworn that Anthony and Jasmine were doing something nasty under their blanket behind you.  

He settled back into this feeling of being with you and fell asleep too, happy and content.

You woke up to a strange rhythm under your ear. It was a blue covered heartbeat, you recognized as you opened one eye, and it was insistent and hard, yet warm and safe. You shifted, held Daveed’s torso tighter and tried to drift back off. His arms tightened around you in response.

 Then your eyes popped open.

“Oh shit!”  You realized what was going on. You sat up slowly and squinted at Daveed’s smile and his damn low sexy voice. 

“Hey sleepyhead.”

“Hey.”  

You blushed and wiped your mouth. 

“Shit, I’m sorry…” you wiped at his onesie. “I think I drooled all over  your…” 

You didn’t finish the sentence when you glanced at Daveed and caught his eye. 

What you said that night came back to both of you. D’s eyes darkened and he licked his lips. For a minute, you were trapped by the static energy of your attraction. Daveed could do a lot with those lips right now if you’d let him. 

But of course you fought it.

You took a deep breath and sat up, separating from Daveed more fully. You had to get it together. You reached for your phone and checked your face, making sure you weren’t too crusty.

“Practically perfect in every way.” Daveed was watching you.

“That’s your first mistake.” You clicked your camera off. “ Anything that’s perfect isn’t real. Or alive.”  You had learned a lot in therapy.

“Truth.” Daveed looked at you appraisingly. “Such wisdom from a young one.” He leaned close to you.  “That’s why I said, ‘practically.’”  He was staring at your lips, not wanting to give up on meeting them again.

“I’m not a ‘young one.’ I’m thirty in two days.” 

You lifted your chin as a child would do, Daveed noted.  It was appropriate, because you were being stubborn as fuck right now.

He chuckled and stayed close, not letting you off the hook.  

“And I’m 40. I could be your…”  

The timbre of his voice was causing your pussy to vibrate. Holy fuck.

“...Daddy,” you said, huskily.  

You opened your mouth to breathe, as Daveed grunted quietly in his throat. God, you wanted to fuck him. You remembered that you knew how big he was. Your eyes widened and you watched his mouth.

Daveed would teach you about Daddy. He wanted to rail you until your pussy curved to his dick.  Got damn.

Daveed wanted you and you wanted him. It was crystal clear. He began to reach for you under the blanket when the flight attendant’s voice intruded on your vibe.

“We are beginning our descent into Rafael Hernández Airport, please stay seated with your seatbelts fastened and bring your tray tables and seats to an upright and locked position. The temperature is 75 degrees and the current time is 12:47 am.  We should be at our gate shortly. Thank you.”

That’s it. The moment was gone. You reached for your water bottle and took a drink to cool down. You were grateful.

Daveed was frustrated, as he sat back, brought his seat up, but held the blanket on his lap for a little while longer. It wasn’t fair, he almost had you. He closed his eyes. Now he felt like a child.

---------

The crew finally arrived in town around 2 am, after the two hour flight and renting a couple of cars to get to Isabela, a village on the seaside.

Loud music was playing to avoid falling asleep, Rafael driving one car and Ant the other.

Arriving in town, the two cars headed straight to the Walmart to get some food and things. It was almost 2 am, but everyone was re-energized and playing around, glad to be free for the time being on the island.

Daveed had to concentrate to read the titles in the video section.  His mind kept going back to the moment on the airplane.  But he vowed not to chase you up and down this island. He didn’t want to crowd you.  It had to be your decision.

You had to come to him. And  the thought of you made him want to cum. He’d have you to think about in the shower tonight, or today, whatever.

He needed to stop thinking about it.

Daveed was looking for Black Dynamite to watch in the condo in case it rained. He knew better than to think that Walmart had it, but he tried anyway.

He did see Afro Samurai tho… He picked it up as Rafa approached him with a toy xylophone and a big grin.

==================

Puerto Rico did something to all of you. It was like some weird no inhibitions pollen or something. When you stepped off the plane you decided to not overthink shit. You were just going to respond naturally, fuck the consequences.

This was your weekend, after all.

You walked into the entertainment section and heard some vaguely familiar music. As you got closer, you realized what it was.

Daveed was in the book section rapping “Rubber Duckie” as Rafa played a toy xylophone.

I got my rubber duckie

I'm in the tub with bubblies

He isn't very fuzzy

I know my duckie loves me

Call up my homie Ernie,

You know the orange one, ya heard me

D was going in, being silly and laughing with his bestie. He was fucking adorable.  You grinned at them and turned down the dvd aisle.

“I can’t believe they don’t have Cowboy Bebop.”  

You shook your head as Daveed and Rafa walked up and flanked you at the display, a shopping cart by Daveed’s side.

“It’s a classic.  Children will be referencing the War on Titan and it's after effects a hundred years from now."

Rafa just nodded and stroked his chin, having enough sense to be quiet.

“Wait, Attack on Titan is right here Lindy…” Daveed reached for a dvd and held it up in front of you.

Rafa shook his head and covered it with his hand.

"Spike Spiegel wasn't in Attack on Titan.  That's an entirely different anime series, my dude." 

The sardonic wit in your voice. Daveed just nodded, face on the floor, and put the blu ray down.

You squinted at what D had in his hand. 

"Afro Samurai is 20 years old as well.  You know that and not Cowboy Bebop? You put shame on your house. Old Man.”

You gave him a sexy grin and sauntered away shaking your head.

Rafa had been watching the scene, head on a swivel. All he had to say after you left was, “Boom. Roasted.” 

Daveed just chuckled, surprised and exhilarated at the same time. It seemed that you were up to letting loose a little bit.

He looked at Rafa who just watched Daveed falling. He couldn’t catch him this time.

"Man. Tonight looks like the beginning of an EPIC weekend,” Rafa said as he pushed some more dvds into Daveed’s cart.

Then he pulled a pack of Magnum XLs off the shelf that he had been hiding under his arm from you.

Daveed looked at him. Rafa stared back.

“What?  All these beautiful women on this island. I’m not gonna be unprepared or take any chances.”

Daveed shook his head, grimaced and looked around to see where you went, but you were nowhere to be found.

----

You were busy eating some Hot Cheetos that you’d grabbed on the chip aisle and were turning down the candy aisle when you saw Grumpy Care Bear standing there with a basket full of food, dvds and shit, looking at some sour patch kids.

"Oh hell,"  you said as you turned right back around.

"Ay, yo.  Lindy. You can get your candy. I'm not going to assault you with my inferior anime knowledge."

He laughed that sexy laugh and held up his hands. He sort of regretted calling you back because you walking away...Damn. Even in the Pikachu onesie.

Daveed continued to hold up his hands to show he didn't intend any harm, a smile on the lips that were your weakness earlier.  Fuck me, you thought.

You smiled back at him and went for the Jelly Bellys. You crunched loudly on your Cheetos as you clocked him out on the low. You felt bad. A little. 

"Look, I'm sorry about that in the dvds.  I'm just passionate about what I like."

Daveed wondered if you liked him. Like liked him liked him. He allowed himself to go there. 

You sucked the Cheeto dust off your fingers and it was making D feel some kinda way as he watched your fingers go in and out of your mouth. His eyes began to slide down your body.

He needed to stop. Daveed cleared his throat and looked at your face.

"No problem. I get it. It's all good." 

Diggs unconsciously licked his lips and grinned, causing you to stare for a second at his casual hotness. This couldn't continue. You frowned.

Daveed sensed the change in mood, grabbed his Sour Patch kids and backed away.

“I’ll leave you to it.”

That was a close call you thought as you felt some weird pang of disappointment at him leaving. But it was what it was.

Soon enough, you all left the store.  Rafa stole some of your Jelly Belly’s. You just handed over the pack to him and pulled out some more. You were prepared.

==================

When the crew finally got to the house, you dropped your bags and ran to the beach, celebrating four days of freedom from work, acting, fame, fortune, and expectations.

After a few minutes of staring at the waves, y’all made your way back up to the house.

When you walked in before Jazzy turned the lights on, you recognized a large dark expanse which seemed to be the back wall. As your eyes got adjusted, you noticed the white rolls of the waves on the shore. 

The back wall was floor to ceiling glass.  When the lights came up, it turned into a mirror and 6 characters in onesies stared back at you.

You were at the back of an open concept space with a huge u-shaped sectional sofa and a beautiful, big kitchen with a bar.

Daaaammmmmmnnn! This place is gorgeous!  Craig’s mouth was hanging open. You reached over and closed it.

“Welcome to our home away from home!” Anthony was bleary eyed and smiling wide. 

He pointed to the right of the house.

“Me and Jazzy’s room is over there,” he then pointed to the right of the house. 

“The birthday girl’s room is opposite over there, a mirror of the master,” then he pointed to the back of the house behind you and to the right,  “and the other four bedrooms are here.” 

Ant started pulling their luggage toward their room, talking over his shoulder. 

“Everybody gets their own room, even me, when I fuck up.” 

All of you cracked up laughing whole Jasmine nodded her head.

It was almost 4 am, so you all were tired.  You gladly pulled your suitcase to your room, feeling grateful and warm for being the guest of honor of your friends.  Your room was the bomb.

You walked into a spacious room with bamboo wood floors,and exposed wooden beam ceilings and several floor to ceiling windows.  There was a huge fluffy white rug under a comfortable king sized bed in the middle of the room. 

Two uniquely designed bamboo lounge chairs and white pillow ottomans faced a window where you could look through and see the pool and beach.

It was a luxury get away and right now, all you wanted was a shower and the bed.

You put your suitcase on the floor and got down and opened it.  You shook your head at what you saw.

“HOLY FUCK GOT DAMN SHIT!!!!”

Daveed, Craig and Jasmine came running at your screams.  Rafa and Ant were behind.

“What happened.”

You were embarrassed. But so irritated.

“Craig. You got the wrong suitcase.  This is Mark’s shit that he never came to get.  None of my clothes are here.  I have nothing to wear.”  You felt like crying.

“I’m sorry Lindy, you said that your summer clothes and bathing suits were in the rolling soft Louis bag…”

I mean the large one. This is the medium one. It’s okay, Craig.

“You have nothing to wear hunh?”

Daveed was smirking at you and you ignored it, crossing your arms and tapping your foot.

“But it’s perfect!”  You looked at Jasmine and her chipper British accent.

“We can go shopping for your birthday tomorrow. Treat yourself!”

You couldn’t help but smile at Jazzy’s happiness. She was right. Rafa and Ant went away and left y’all to that talk. Daveed was glued to his spot.

“OOooooh. Good Idea.” Craig was in. 

“Ok.I’m tired as fuck. I just wanna shower and sleep now. I’ll not need anything tonight.

Daveed couldn’t get the image of you in the shower and naked in bed out of his head now. He cleared his throat.

“I can give you something to wear shopping tomorrow, Lindy.”

His voice was soft.  You smiled at him and he was a goner.

“Man, you are like three times bigger than she is?”  Jasmine didn’t understand.

“Hold up. Are you willing to sacrifice, D?  Can we cut up one of your t-shirts and jeans?”

Daveed felt pain. The only t-shirts he had were Oaklandish.  

“Let’s compromise. You can cut my jeans all you want, but not the shirt.”

Craig smiled wide.  “Deal, if you throw in a belt.”

“Damn, Diggs…” was all that Jasmine said, smiling and shaking her head.

“Thank you Daveed. I appreciate it.” You were blown away.

Daveed played it off. “No problem…” And then he just turned around and walked out of your room.

“Girlllllllll!!!!”  Craig and Jasmine squealed at you and it took you a minute to get them out of your room.

You walked into the en suite bathroom and marveled at its beauty. It was large, with a huge tub and a walk in glass encased shower with an overhead waterfall  shower head. 

You turned on the shower to get it hot, stripped off your onesie and your underwear, wrapped yourself in a towel and went back into the bedroom.

You stopped short, because there was Daveed standing in your room, clothes in hand.

He had immediately gone to find his least favorite jeans and the Oakland shirt that would suit you the best.  He decided that you would look beautiful in blue.

You just in a towel was a sight to behold. He was sure that underneath that towel was paradise.

You stared at each other for a minute, Your eyes were glued to his.  

“Th-thank you again Daveed.”  He couldn’t discern if your hesitant, sexy voice was for him or from embarrassment.

“Sorry, I…. didn’t think you’d be… sorry.” He put his hands up and backed out of the room.

“Daveed.” You called, softly. “Stop.”

You approached him with a smile on your face. Daveed’s eyes were wide, not knowing what was going to happen.

“Thank you. I mean it.”

You stood on your tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek, your lips lingering. Daveed closed his eyes and fought the urge to grab you and hold you close to him.

“You’re welcome.” His smile wrinkled his eyes as he smiled down at you. 

“Goodnight, Linden. Have sweet dreams for me.”

You just stared at him as he turned and left the room.

Daveed was just outside your door when he heard your reply.

“Yes, Sir.”

==================

Read the Next Chapter.

Thank you for liking, replying, and reblogging! 

Tagging: @einfachniemand @sillyteecup @commandersmiley @ohsoverykeri @theselilwonders @theatrenerd86 @sebastianabucknettastan @imatyoursurrvicesurr @riiyy @ivycomet @lonelydance @curtainremote @biafbunny @id-do-it-for-free-babe

I've definitely done thise before, I know because my 'boyfriend' (read: waste of time) at the time got really upset. But hey! I'll do it again!

If we were dating: I would take you out to get your favourite dinner and take you bowling. Then we could get midnight milkshakes and go drive along the back roads of my home time before star gazing on top of my car. I'd bring you food and your preferred choice of drink just because I felt like it. We could go watch the local high school theatre shows and then get late night dessert at our favourite restaurant. I'd take you roller skating and buy you whatever candy you wanted. We could go to the arcade I'd wrap you in the extra jacket I brought because I know you'd get cold (but I get cold too, so two jackets is definitely necessary). We could go get hot cider on windy autumn evenings after walking around the thrift stores and flea markets all day. We'd go watch a movie and I'd get us whatever candy, drinks, and popcorn we wanted. I'd make sure we went to the good theatre too, with the reclining seats. We could sit in my bedroom playing song from the playlist we made together, talking about anything and everything. I'd take you on so many outdoor adventures, but always make sure we were wearing sunscreen and hats. I'd always make sure I had water and snacks on me, just in case you need something. I'd take you thrifting and we could get froyo/icecream afterwards. I'd show you my favourite restaurants and try new ones with you too. We could get all dressed up just to go get fast food and dance in an abandoned parking lot to music blasting out of my car speakers. I'd take you to walmart at one in the morning so we could stack up on junk food and soda before we go on a drive through the city, abandoned in the early hours of the morning. I'd do little stuff to though, little study dates filled with coffee and pastries, blankets and pillows to keep us comfy. Send you little things throughout the day that remind me of you, send you love songs when you're feeling down, and let you vent/rant when you've had a tough day. Then show up on your doorstep with all your favourite things. We could rent a movie and cuddle up on the bed and point out all the things we noticed. I would info dump my hyperfixations but would definitely let you do the same while I enjoyed how passionate you got, talking about the things you love. We could freak out over celebrity crushes and live streams. And I would definitely swing our hands back and forth when we're walking down the sidewalk.

The way this made me cry 😭🥺😭🥺 Hun you hit me right in the feels and got me wondering why we're NOT dating.

Love you to the moon and back darling, you deserve nothing but the best this world has to offer ❤❤❤❤

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go?  food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s. 

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

Hey everyone,

I just want to give everyone a quick update as to what's going on with the scams or what's called operation drain and run out of the 200 that were arrested the other day most have been released must have been very forthcoming and giving information some of them have been detained further pending for their interview and or their charges are going to be dropped or reduced law enforcement agencies have confirmed that there are some more smaller cell operations of this type going on here in the United States and in Canada they are now getting in with the Canadian authorities to help with the investigation up there I can't tell you that 75 of the 200 people arrested the other day were members of Tumblr so basically yes they were right under our nose and we did not know it but I knew it.

I can also tell you that information from this point forward is going to be very slim because they are wanting to Big Cheese the people that are actually masterminding all this and they're going to have to start being careful what information they let out and that's totally acceptable to me I totally understand that and they did say the other thing about passing the info. on to you guys as much as they can. They said that I have been a big help in this there's been a few other people that have come forward they've also been assisting and helping out but I still need some more help so anything y'all got if it if it means you got scammed don't worry about being embarrassed you're not going to be judged or you're not going to be treated like shit just because you fell for it.

So now if you've noticed that I changed the format of my blog it makes it look like it's in a daily or weekly episodic TV show it's still called a slice of my world but it's also episode 1-18 this is starting to become a daily or actually it should say it bi-weekly thing of me posting and I have enjoyed it don't get me wrong but the title of this is called oh how things have changed and it's basically going to be a lot of difficult reading from this point forward but stuff that once you read it you'll understand why it has been so difficult I I'm going to Chronicle the night of January 20th of last year through the morning hours of January 21st which is what I considered the moment my life changed forever.

So we begin on January 20th 2020 I had to go to work I walked 4 miles to go to work because I didn't have a vehicle anymore and we were living in a motel so I had to you know make sure one of us is working until a lot of times where I was staying even hard for me to get a ride. So I work the 3:30 to close shift which basically meant I left between anywhere from between 12:30 and 1:00 in the morning I worked at a movie theater which by the way was probably the best job I had ever had in my life I I love that place I would love to go back to another one like it. So basically I got off work about 12:30 that night and normally I would have a ride to work on Monday nights this week it wasn't possible because of something that happened at the theater the manager got behind on his paperwork on and couldn't get out on time like he normally does I had to go to the store that night because we didn't have very much food so I went to store I got about 2 or 3 nights worth of food with enough till I get to my day off from work to go to the store and get more. That was a common occurrence so by the time I got done with the store and got home about 2:30 in the morning my wife was asleep she had been sick for about a month before this which now I have directly linked into being one of the first cases of COVID-19 in the united states'.

I came home and like I said she was asleep and I gave her a kiss like I usually do sometimes it wakes her up sometimes it doesn't this time it woke her up we start talking for a little bit I went outside and I did my usual ritual I go outside and smoke a little weed you know kind of relaxed a little bit for about 20-30 minutes yeah I went inside and cooked dinner now for a little background my wife had been sick for a while she had a heart attack November 8th in 2018 and then she had a stroke Easter Sunday of 2019 a stroke that she refused to go get taken care of even though I begged her and had other people beg her to go to the hospital she would not do it when she had the heart attack the doctor was not able to fix all the blockages to her heart because some of the arteries were too small so he told me privately that if she had another heart attack she wouldn't survive it I knew that I told her that about 3 months later so she knew but on this night I never had any dream or knowing that 2 hours after I got home from work she would be dead she had a massive heart attack I was just getting ready to start cooking dinner when she started really screaming about chest pain and I've never heard her go off like she did and even though I called 911 it still took the damn people 20 minutes to get out there otherwise I still think she'd be alive but then again maybe not so to try to make a long story short they would not let me ride in the ambulance with her to the hospital she was still coherent but when they did the ekg in the room where we were staying at I could tell the guy's eyes that she wasn't going to be much longer and I think the reason why they told me I couldn't ride with them was because for the same Theory I think that they didn't want my last memory of her to be of her fighting for her life and dying and I am thankful for that because I've had horrible nightmares about this whole thing and so after I made all the notifications and everything that day I went back to work two days later and I was told I could stay out as long as I needed to they were really really super awesome and amazing to me hell they were even responsible for giving me the money to get my wife buried because they donated money they put a pool in together to help me. The thing about it was is I don't know what upset me more the fact that I wish there was something more I could have done or the fact that I had to have a fucking cop show up to my door to tell me that she was gone even though I had already known it. So when I went back to work two days later it was very very hard because she used to work there too and she used to work at the podium on the weekends where she took the tickets and everything and told people where the theaters were and everything else and I wasn't there for 2 hours and I just doubled over it was just like a big flood of emotion but I made it that night but the hard part was with the weekends because those were the nights that she worked the most everybody loved my wife it worked up there and so I mean I didn't feel like I was so alone then the pandemic came I lost my job I lost my place where I was staying I had to go to my sister-in-law's house which was the biggest mistake of my life cuz I really found out what kind of people they were plus that's when I developed a curiosity for methamphetamine and then I met the bitch from hell not even 2 months later and keep in mind she was just supposed to be a companion we weren't like going to be boyfriend girlfriend cuz I still way too broke up about my wife's death that's all I wanted cuz I couldn't stand being lonely anymore just like I can't stand it now but she got me hooked on meth and I say she got me hooked because she kept bringing it around me knowing that I found something new that I really liked and I didn't ask her to bring it around I could have said no but this has to do with that 28 day period from June to July where she was drugging me putting the dope in my food in my drinks that's why I blame her.

Then after my ex got murdered at a house party I lost my sister-in-law and nephew and then my step daughter called me one day two weeks before Christmas to tell me that she lost her fiance her baby's daddy after he had a heart attack from A congenital heart defect that he had for 6 years the only bright spot of 2020 was my step daughter had a daughter of her own and that to this day that baby is my love bug

As where I'm at right now I'm going to be homeless by next weekend again unless I can come up with $250-300 dollars by Friday night it doesn't look like it's going to happen folks unless I can get some donations and get them quick I am taking donations right now if you can help I don't care if it's 5 10 15 20 $25 whatever it is it will help I don't expect nobody to give me the money all at once cuz I know a lot of people don't have that kind of money right now so just little donations will help right now I had to actually go to Walmart today and steal food God I hate myself for doing it I didn't get caught but still my conscience was getting the best of me for much of the evening I got enough food here to last me for 2 or 3 days if I end up getting to stay here but like I said it's not looking very good at this point I've tried local resources I've tried all kinds of Charities help and all they want you to do is hurry up and wait and I ain't got that kind of time and I told him that so I I'm asking for any help that anyone could give if I don't get if I can get at least $250 out of 400 I can go get me a motel room for the week and I'll get me by until I can come back here when my roommate comes back cuz then he'll have the money for the rent and everything else so I can come back here so I just need to really get by for a week I have not had any dope in nine days I'm going crazy but I need a place to live first before I can be doing that shit so I'll just have to deal with it if you want to help I'll give you my cash app I will put it at the end of this post for everybody so the last 18 months has not been fun I went to six suicide of Temps and I just been existing when before I had it all anyway so that's basically going to end this episode of a slice of my world I'm sorry if this was such a downer for a lot of people but you know I the more and more I feel like I tell my story easier everyday gets for me cuz I don't feel like I'm burying myself with all the emotion and having to keep it bottled up anyway I will talk to you y'all whenever I talk to you I may be on Hiatus for a little bit because I won't have a phone here after tomorrow unless I go someplace that has Wi-Fi and depending on my living situation I mean like I said I'm I'm hoping and praying somebody will be able to help out by donating a little bit of money to me so I can keep a place over my head somehow someway anyway y'all. I love you take care of yourself and I'll see you on the other side

Cashtag $jojo091069

PayPal

Venmo

Google pay

Message for those tags I left blank as I don't know them by heart yet

Love,. Sean

Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

4am thoughts:

Wouldn’t it be nice if people would work together? I feel I have a bit of a bleeding heart when it comes to helping people. I probably am too soft and that’s why I get hurt by people over and over. I’ve taken strangers into my home more times than any sane person should, but when I hear people have nowhere to go, I think back to the days living out of my car and someone offered the kindness of letting me stay in their home. Granted, I’ve gotten into some pretty scary situations because of this, but I still kept doing it. Just because one person hurt me, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t give others a chance. A few people may have exploited me for my naïve nature, but others have made my life so much broader and my opinions so much more because I’ve been able to see life through their point of veiw.

From felons to homeless people, I’ve spent the time to talk with them and listen to their stories. I never realized how much of a snob I had become until I let a homeless person live with me and he taught me so much about life and all the things I took for granted and humbled me. Another woman who did things that I once saw as unforgivable sat down and told me why she did the things she did and I realized that my bubble of thoughts were so closed minded and I never really understood the trama and hurt behind one addicted to things that hurt you. People who strongly disagreed with me on things I felt passionate about broadened my view by having long nightly conversations over pizza and bad movies, in long car rides as I drove them to their destinations, or even just sitting with them at stoplights and listening to their stories. Hearing people’s point of views even if I don’t agree with them sometimes gets me worked up, but if I can calm myself enough to genuinely listen to the other person, I can see where they’re coming from.

I once met a woman who was selling her body and myself from ten years ago might not have given her the time of day, but as I sat at that flashing stop light listening, I learned of her childhood and life leading up to that point. I sat with her for over an hour just hearing her story. Sometimes the best thing we can give another person is just our time. Another man I drove for two hours to his next stop told me of an amazing children’s book he wanted to write about butter, butterflies, and medieval life. Quite a few others just sit in silence as we drive and just being in their presence reminds me that we are all struggling with something and a small act of kindness goes a long way even if we seem to get nothing in return.

I remember when I was at a time struggling with money and eating mostly ramen to try to make rent, there was an older man holding a sign and as I stopped to talk with him, I learned his story. We drove to pick up his grandkids who he just took in and we went on a Walmart shopping spree. The grandfather was crying throughout the entire time and I spent almost my entire DQ check. They got toys, groceries, and clothing and the look of joy on their faces was priceless. We all were in tears. I spent the better half of that month skipping a lot of meals, but it was worth it. I feel I’ll never be able to obtain great financial wealth because I can’t just horde my money knowing others have so little to none. I’ve had quite a few months of crackers and ramen because of this. Financially, I know that’s a disaster, but my heart feels so full and I feel rich in experience and that to me will always be worth it.

I usually never tell people when I do stuff like this because I don’t do it for others to know. It’s between me and the other person or persons involved. Anytime others find out, I’m hit with the they’re just using you cliche or I’m wasting my time or money, but I’m aware of all that. I know the potential of hurt and betrayal is there in every interaction, but ya know, I don’t care. If only one out of every ten people I help is genuine, then it was worth it for that single person. Their life is worth my time, even if our paths cross in only that moment and never again, that stranger was worthy of love and care just as any other person is. I wanted to share all this just so you could maybe see that kindness can go a long way. Maybe don’t go so far as letting strangers live with you cause that’s pretty dangerous, but maybe talk with one and learn their story, or just acknowledge that that person standing on the corner or walking along the road is another person just like you and had you been born under different circumstances, could have been you. We’re all humans and even if some of us fall to the lowest of points, that fact doesn’t change. We all need help in some way or another at some point and maybe when you are in a good position, you’ll consider helping others too. Sometimes kindness is all we can give and sometimes that kindness will be enough.

tweet at first sight

It was one tweet. Not even all 280 characters. Just the simple phrase “I feel like @jamiethebee would be down to egg a house for his fans. just saying”.

I didn’t have more than 500 followers on Twitter, and those included only people from my school. It wasn’t even a fan account, nor was it even remotely related with Jamie Lee Oliver. 

So naturally, when I saw his username in my DMs, my stomach almost fell out of my ass. Keyword being almost.

I screamed, and I did it loud. Thankfully, I was alone in my apartment, because having my roommate witness my prepubescent stunt would have been enough for me to move out. Which sounds serious when it comes from a college graduate living in Southern California.

8:06 AM

@jamiethebee: pick your poison.

tap to download attachment.

He had sent me a picture from the egg section in what appeared to be Walmart. I decided it was better not to answer, considering I was late for what seemed to be the millionth job interview of the week. Nobody said life after graduation would be so hard. Especially after enduring the hell that is living in a dorm the size of a shoebox. 

Looking at my appearance in the mirror confirmed that I would not, in fact, get hired today. It may have to do with the fact that between my now coffee-stained shirt and red pants along with my rusty red hair made me look like a war zone. Or a used tampon. Or both. 

Clearly L’Oreal Colorista was not the best hair dye in the market. 

I glanced down at my phone, partly wondering if I had any new texts from Leo—or as I liked to call him after that cheating incident, Satan—and partly to see if any other celebrities had graced my inbox. None of those scenarios had happened, and I was now 10 minutes late. 

Just when I was rushing out of the door, my roommate opened the door with a slam and proceeded to face plant onto the couch. 

Well, I thought, at least I’m not in med school. 

***

I somehow managed to miss the train and the bus. All in a 15 minute span. Which meant I was 25 minutes late for the interview. It would be a miracle if I even got to announce my name, or hand in my resume.

My hair was completely disheveled and one of my shoes had come off in the middle of the street, meaning my pizza socks were on full display once I arrived to the building of Pyramid Publishing. The receptionist directed me to the 16th floor, where everything was white, or really pale beige. 

I sat on one of the couches ,well, rested my back for half a second before I was interrupted. 

“Lisa Martin? Sorry for the long wait, we had some issues with the air conditioning” A tall secretary poked her head from one of the offices in the waiting area.

I was not a true believer, but God had just done me a solid.

11:30 AM

@jamiethebee: so you discover a 

dark truth about me and then you 

leave me on read?

@jamiethebee: wow, RUDE. 

I hid my phone in my purse, my heart beating at an alarming rate against my chest. I was still having a hard time believing the Jamie Lee Oliver had slid into my DMs and went to the produce section of the grocery store for me. The fact that he had the audacity to call me out was also making my brain go haywire trying to come up with a decent answer.

All while struggling to pay attention to the code of ethics of the company. Because yes, I had just gotten hired to be an editor for Pyramid Publishing. 

“The idea Miss Martin, is for you to have a week to get to know the office and the way things work around here before you fully immerse in what is a typical schedule of an editor in Pyramid Publishing” The man, Gregory Truman, had a smooth voice and gave off an aura of authority, partly because of the way he was seated, and partly because his secretary seemed to be in awe every time he opened his mouth to speak.  

I nodded along completely distracted, smiling every once in a while to show that I was happy for the opportunity I had just been given. After four years of majoring in English and getting tired of hearing that it would be impossible to find any job, I had just landed the job of my dreams.  Which sounds amazing, but it really consists of earning enough to cover my part of the rent and to afford one or two nights out every once in a while. 

After agreeing to come back tomorrow morning to start my briefings, I left the building and headed for the bus station. I was about to acknowledge my Twitter notifications, which seemed to be glaring at me, when my roommate called.

To any person this would come across as normal behaviour, however when you live with a med school student who lives and breathes for their career, you get used to not hearing from them for days at a time. No news, good news right?.

“What’s up buttercup?” I answered cheerfully nonetheless. Amanda tends to be overly dramatic and extremely analytic of phone and text conversations. She has flipped out on me for answering the phone with a simple ‘hey’, claiming that she thought I was mad at her and didn’t want to live with her anymore because she forgets to hang her towels. Her words, not mine.

“Yeah, yeah, no time for greetings. Listen the curry exploded all over the kitchen” I was once again, rendered speechless. 

Amanda comes from an Indian family that loves to travel and above all, loves to eat. Her recipe book is overflowing and constantly getting thicker. However, her skills are not getting any better. Last week she managed to turn the butter on fire while attempting to melt it in the microwave. Who knows how she managed to do that.

“Okay so there’s no need for me to buy more oils for the diffuser, is that what you’re saying?” I would have worried if it was another person, but Amanda tends to worry a little too much over everything and I don’t want her to beat herself up anymore over this.

“No Lisa I’m serious like I don’t even know where to start cleaning and I’ve probably ruined the kitchen and we won’t be able to repare it and I just know that you’ll want to move out because of this and—“

“Okay this is what you’ll do. You’re going to go to the wine cabinet and open a bottle of rose, you know the one you like, and you’re going to calm down and then start cleaning. First the floor so you don’t keep making a bigger mess, then the counters and so on. Mandy, seriously its not the end of the world, did you at least get to have lunch?” I heard a grunt, then a sigh. Not good.

“Obviously not Lisa, I’m on call tonight apparently. I don’t even understand what they want me there for since I just worked the morning shift two days in a row and I’m not even a real doctor yet. Like what the fuck? This is abuse” 

“Okay babe, see you at home!” I hung up with a smile on my face, determined to make something out of today other than cleaning curry with Amanda. So I opened Twitter. 

12:21 PM

@misalartin: pity, i only shop organic. 

@misalartin: excessive hormones,

you know?

Not even thirty minutes had passed when he replied.

12:43 PM

@jamiethebee: so tell me when 

and where.

tap to download attachment.

It was then I realized I had not stopped internally screaming since 8 am, because it was the only way to explain how I had not fainted yet. 

Jamie Lee Oliver had been my celebrity crush ever since I knew how to turn the tv on. He had started out as a child star in my favorite tv show Morgan’s Backyard, and then had gotten into more serious stuff like action movies, playing superheroes and whatnot. Once I grew out of children’s tv, I stopped following him as an actor although his Instagram and Twitter were a true gift for my feed. He was beautiful, with dark brown hair and equally dark skin that made his pearly smile stand out beyond anything else. His chocolate eyes blended perfectly well with the rest of his complexion, which made him seem really inviting in the way his eyes disappeared almost completely when he smiled, almost like he wanted everyone to have fun along with him.

Doubt started to creep in and was slowly consuming me. I knew exactly what I had tweeted, but it was exactly that, just a tweet. I never imagined he would even see it, much less acknowledge it. Besides, I didn’t know if it was the smartest idea. I mean Leo had cheated on me, and in my old apartment when I was supposed to be in one of my classes. So I got home early because I was in the mood to skip and that’s when I found him. On my bed, on top of a freshman rushing for the sorority I belonged to. Even in that moment, I was not a confrontational person and I absolutely hated violence. But he had also shattered my trust completely and disregarded our relationship. 

In hopes of being more proactive and doing the right thing, I replied.

12:48 PM

@misalartin: alright, BJ’s

in Forest ave 

@misalartin: say 6?

12:49 PM

@jamiethebee: it’s a date then. 

***

My hair was resembling a mood stone. In weak attempts of making my hair even, it had turned a beautiful brick orange. Adding the smell that undoubtedly clung to my clothes, I was now the personification of a plate of curry. 

All of that didn’t matter once I got to BJ’s and saw a tall figure leaning on one of the walls outside. He had disguised himself extremely well, with a black hat that cast a big enough shadow to hide his face. Which I was thankful for, because the clothes he was wearing would not help him blend into the crowd. With a pair of checkered pants and a teal coloured shirt which made it clear he had missed the class on “How to dress up for a spy mission™”. 

Taking a deep breath to calm myself down, I forced my feet to move towards him. 

“Well one of us clearly misunderstood the mission” I said jokingly when I reached him. 

He looked up from his phone and I managed to keep my cool. Not because I could, but because the sun was glaring right on my face, which made it impossible for me to see practically anything. My knees almost gave away when I covered the sun with my hand. It took every ounce of willpower for me not to jump and squeal like a crazy 12 year old girl, he was really here in front of me looking all perfect and ready for a fashion show. Contrary to myself, which looked ready to sleep in a homeless shelter. My black sweatpants and hoodie clashed completely with him and you could immediately tell we were opposites when it came to the lives we had. 

“Lisa, right?” Jamie’s voice was deep and almost a whisper, which made a chill run through my body like electricity. It made me want to hear him speak forever, not caring about the topic he chose.

“Yeah. Um, do you really want to do the egg thing?” I couldn’t stop the words from escaping my mouth once I saw he had not one, but two boxes of 12 eggs. 

His laugh was like a song that I wanted to listen to in replay non stop until I couldn’t stand it. And then he did the unimaginable, he pouted.

“What, chickening out already?” I smiled in embarrassment and looked down at my feet to hide my blush. 

“Weren’t you taught that violence is not the answer?” I questioned him and his smile only seemed to grow bigger. Which was nice, but also worrying since it meant I was losing my moral battle.

“It’s not like we’re throwing eggs at someone, right? It’s just a house. Nothing a good cleaning can’t fix” He took off his hat to ruffle his hair before leaning down to whisper in my ear “Besides, who knows what else can happen” Jamie leaned against the wall again with a smirk, knowing perfectly well the effect he was having on me.

“Alright, you had me at eggs” I smiled sheepishly and then dragged him along to the bus stop. We kept talking, asking each other questions and trying to disguise our flirting behind lame excuses to get to know each other better. 

He lowered his hat even more once we got on the bus and kept his hand on the small of my back in order not to lose me in the mess of people. It felt natural, like it wasn’t the first time we met and his hand was used to touching me all the time. 

“So how come you talked to me?” I asked curiously, turning my body towards him. The bus lurched into a sudden stop, which caused me to stumble forward. Jamie caught me quickly, securing both arms around my waist and crushing me against him, since he was leaning on one of the walls. Thankfully, the eggs stayed safe beside him. 

“Well the offer was more tempting than the usual ‘Jamie I love you please marry me’ kind of thing” He rubbed my arms and held eye contact with me the whole time and I was in heaven.

“Naturally, who doesn’t want to egg houses instead?” I quipped with an eyebrow raised and he laughed under his breath, like he didn’t want people in on our conversation. 

“If egging houses is what I have to do to spend time with a pretty girl, then I’ll choose it over marriage any day” I was not one to fall for the usual lines, yet here I was struggling to reply without him finding out that I was very close to calling the whole thing off and take him to my apartment instead. 

Snapping out of my thoughts, I glanced outside and pressed the buzzer to get off. Jamie followed me walking along the sidewalk but this time, in silence. I walked these streets like I never stopped, being grateful I chose to move out of my apartment after everything that happened. 

I stopped when I recognized the familiar stones that led to his porch. It felt like I was living my worse nightmare. The maroon mailbox contrasting with the blue porch but clashing with the shiny Audi parked in the outer garage. 

Suddenly, it didn’t seem like the best idea. I had to leave. Best case scenario: Leo found out but didn’t press charges. Worst case scenario: Jamie and me end up in a jail cell. Neither situation seemed appealing to me. Especially since they both involved talking to him. I wasn’t the best at concealing my anger. And I had a lot to conceal.

I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt Jamie’s warm hands wiping my cheeks. He crushed me to his chest as if we’d done this a million times, and I took a deep breath to calm myself down. The tears had stopped, yet he kept running his hand through my hair and rocking us softly.

He stepped back only to lean down and open the first dozen eggs. He placed one in my hand and then looked at the Audi in front of him.

“Do you think it has an alarm system?” He voiced my question out loud. 

“I really hope not” And then I threw the first egg. 

***

Either Leo didn’t care about his Audi becoming an omelet, or he simply didn’t find out about it. I was over the top we were not stuck in a jail cell, and even more happy I had avoided confrontation. 

We were walking in silence again, the weight of reality on our shoulders. Now that we had pelted an entire car with eggs, there was nothing left to do with each other. It was no secret that he had to go back to Los Angeles and I had a curry explosion to take care of, yet I was finding it hard to see how our paths could cross again.

“I smell curry. Can we extend our date to more than just damaging private property?” Jamie stopped to look at me properly for the millionth time and once again, my knees threatened to give away. God his eye contact was going to kill me. 

I didn’t have the heart to tell him how I was the source of the smell, so I nodded and let him lead the way this time. 

One thing I had found out about Jamie Lee Oliver, he was not the best with directions. We walked around the same block four times before I got tired and yanked his phone from his hands.

“Just tell me where you want to go” I sighed exasperatedly and he chuckled, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Take me to the best burger place you know” And with that, he wrapped his arm around my waist and kept walking naturally, like he hadn’t just caused my heart to perform a drum solo in my chest. 

It was a long walk, especially since I was hell-bent on getting away from my exs’ neighbourhood as quickly as possible. Jamie didn’t seem to mind the distance, so I kept my mouth shut. 

“So Lisa” He spoke my name like it was foreign on his mouth, yet he treated me like I was anything but “Tell me something about yourself, something you haven’t told anyone” The words he spoke made me want to cringe, yet his tone was so inviting, it was impossible to refuse. 

“Well” I hesitated, there could have been a million things to say that would have made me look better or more attractive. Instead, I chose “I’m the reason you smelled curry” Jamie tried to mask his surprise as best as he could, yet it was clear this was not what he had imagined I would say. 

So naturally, I continued “My roommate managed to cause a curry explosion in our kitchen and when I came home from my interview I had barely any time to get ready before I met you and I clearly didn’t think things through because if I did, then I wouldn’t have showered. Which sounds disgusting but it would’ve made the smell less apparent and my hair a little less similar to a burning building. Also I tried to dress for the occasion but actually made an effort to look presentable, but clearly I didn’t do—

His lips were what interrupted me. One second I was boring his ears off with my rambling, the next Jamie Lee Oliver was kissing me. It was like no other kiss I’d had, he towered over me but not in an awkward way and his hands seemed to touch me in the right places at the perfect time. He was rumoured to date many girls and I understood why, he felt as comfortable kissing me as he looked when he was acting on camera. Reality caught up with me and made me lose focus, so Jamie pulled me closer to him by the waist. 

After what seemed like ages, he pressed his forehead against mine and pecked me a few times on the lips then closed his eyes and stayed silent for a few seconds, just holding me close to him. My eyes darted all over his face, trying to find something appropriate to say, yet words failed me. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but I’ve been meaning to since I saw you crossing the street to meet me” 

Looking back, if I had to pinpoint the moment things changed for the both of us, I would say it was this one. Because this, was when I threw caution to the wind. It was like I couldn’t get enough of him. So I kissed him this time.

Laughing against my lips he pecked me once, twice. Then held my hand and continued walking in the direction of the restaurant. 

***

I was a blushing mess the remaining walk to the restaurant. Even when we asked for a table for two, I couldn’t keep it together. In fact, I felt my face grow even hotter, if it was even possible. 

“That blush is fucking adorable” Jamie whispered in my ear and his hand crept lower, which did not help at all with my blushing. 

The waitress raised her eyebrows at Jamie’s blunt movement but led us to a table in the far corner of the room.

“I don’t do this often, not with many girls” He blurted suddenly, still looking down at the menu. I’d decided to order the french burger and was waiting expectantly for him to decide, yet this had caught me completely by surprise. His warm eyes met mine in a piercing gaze “I don’t want anything serious either”

“I just egged my exe’s Audi, I can barely stomach a burger let alone a serious relationship” I blurted honestly and he grinned. I had just found my way into Jamie’s heart. 

He grabbed my hand while he ordered for the both of us and when he ordered a taxi to take us back to my place. He continued to hold it while we kissed in the elevator, and when we continued to do so everywhere in my apartment. 

Jamie Lee Oliver held my hand the way he held my heart, and I don’t remember him ever letting go. 

A Ninja Warrior Love Story - Part 1

Welcome back to the world of Lily and Henry! Honestly, I have no idea how I ended up deleting my old account, but I’m genuinely more upset that I had no backups of my original work. That aside, I am beginning the slow process of rewriting my original series, A Ninja Warrior Love Story. I hope you enjoy it! 

Let me know of any other imagines or one-shots you’d like to see! Also, if you’d like to be added to the tag list, just send me a message!

CW: none

Word Count: 2,230

The Story: Lily is a single woman working at a parkour gym when she meets Henry Cavill. Are they meant to fall in love or is it just a one-time thing? 

At 4:30 in the morning, Lily’s alarm went off. She rolled over in her small bed and smacked her alarm to turn it off. Groaning, Lily pushed herself out of bed. With two steps, she cleared the small apartment bedroom and entered the even smaller bathroom. With the efficiency of a well-known routine, Lily got dressed in simple workout clothes. She glanced in the mirror to see a tired face looking back. For the past six months, she had been working hard to earn extra income so she could afford time off and a plane ticket to see her best friend at college. So far, it wasn’t really working out, but she had been able to save some money.

Once dressed, Lily dashed out to her beat-up old truck right outside her apartment. At 4:45 am, no one was out on the roads, so she wasn’t concerned about being late for one of her three jobs. Lily worked at a gym - not just any gym though. This was a Ninja Warrior gym. About four years ago, Lily met the gym owner, Donovan, who offered her a chance to work out at his gym. He remembered her from her track days and wanted someone to open his gym in the mornings since he was, in his words, allergic to any time before nine am. Lily quickly and easily agreed and almost immediately found herself in a world of her wildest dreams. She loved working out and training on the courses there and even considered applying to be on the show one day.

Five minutes to 5 am, Lily pulled up to the Hustler Ninja gym in Taylor, Texas. Taylor was about 45 minutes outside of the DFW area. It was basically the middle of nowhere with one good Walmart, a ghosted - albeit historic - downtown square, and surprisingly a very fancy looking Hilton resort. The keys jangling in the lock, Lily opened the gym and began turning on the lights. Donovan rented the building which was incredible in size. Large enough to house two ninja warrior obstacle courses, a half rock wall in the back, a decent-sized free-weight section, and even an outdoor mini-course. The whole place was huge and everything Lily wanted in a gym. Within two months of working there, she’d been promoted to assistant manager. She was here every Monday through Friday from 5-9, then Monday through Thursday, she went to work at her uncle's barbershop. Finally, on Fridays and Saturdays, she worked at one of the three bars in town to earn as much extra income as possible.

After dropping her gym bag in the locker room, Lily stepped out into the gym and looked around. Donovan and Daniel, or The Dude, did a good job cleaning up last night. It was actually a little surprising considering they rarely did any cleaning. Lily usually spent most of her time cleaning up after everyone. Weird. Regardless, she enjoyed the reprieve and made her way to the free-weights to start a warm-up. After 15 minutes, she was ready to begin her real training. It started with the salmon ladder followed by a few balance obstacles and finally ending with a grip training on the waving board. She was enjoying herself and almost didn’t hear the front door open again. Glancing over, she saw a tall, long-haired figure striding past her towards the locker rooms.

“Morning, Dude,” she called out. The Dude smiled and waved at her and continued on to the locker rooms. A few minutes later, The Dude appeared ready to go in long shorts, a fitted t-shirt and his long hair pulled back in a low ponytail. The Dude was the only guy Lily could think that could pull off the man-tail well. He saddled up to her and watched her jump down from the wave board.

“Morning Luck,” The Dude said to her. Lily groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Can’t anyone forget about that?!” she asked, jumping down off the raised platform and stood next to him. In comparison, Lily looked relatively tiny. Where she was about 5’5” of lean muscle, The Dude was 6’4” of muscle and weight. He got his nickname from his long hair and easy-going attitude. The Dude laughed, throwing his head back a little.

“Nope, it was too adorable,” he replied, making Lily roll her eyes even harder. “So you excited about tomorrow?” he asked when he finally stopped laughing. Lily looked at him confused.

“What’s happening tomorrow?” she asked in response to his question. The Dude looked down at her stunned.

“Tomorrow? The big celebrities are coming by the gym to check it out?” he said as if she should know already. Lily continued to look surprised by his information. “It was in the email that Donovan sent like, two weeks ago.” Lily scoffed.

“You are aware I haven’t actually checked my email since probably about 2016, right?” This time The Dude rolled his eyes at her.

“Aren’t you a manager here or something?” he asked. Lily laughed.

“Or something,” she replied. The Dude laughed with her.

“Girl, get it together,” he said, gently pushing her shoulder. “Tom Cruise and that guy that played Super Man are coming by to check out the gym. They need parkour training and Donovan is going to teach them.” Lily’s eyebrows shot up.

“Are you serious?” she asked. Tom Cruise was major. She remembered watching some of his old movies with her dad. Suddenly a pain gripped her chest and she forced herself back into the present.

“100% serious,” he replied. Lily was shocked. She definitely needed to check her email more often. They stood there talking about their favorite Tom Cruise movies for a few minutes when the opening of the front door caught their attention. Much to Lily’s surprise, her old “friend” Celeste walked in the door. Celeste was a tall beauty with olive skin, long brown hair, and stunning green eyes. She had on a matching navy blue sports bra and leggings which showcased her olive skin perfectly. Her brown hair was pulled back into a tight, clean ponytail and even from the distance she was at, Lily could tell the woman was wearing makeup.

“Well I’ll be damned,” The Dude said under his breath. Lily watched incredulously as Celeste found them and made her way across the room to them.

“Hey guys!” she said awkwardly breathlessly as she stopped just short of the two of them. The Dude and Lily exchanged a look before turning back to Celeste.

“Hey Celeste,” The Dude said cautiously. Celeste gave him a wide, fake smile that made Lily’s intestines turn. “What brings you back to the gym? We figured you didn’t have a membership anymore.” He didn’t have to look at Lily to know what she was thinking. Celeste waved her hand dismissively.

“No, silly,” she started. “I just took a few months off; went back to Cali for a few weeks; saw my brother in New York,” she made a point to look directly at Lily. Lily immediately dropped her gaze and felt her ears grow warm with embarrassment. The Dude cleared his throat.

“Sounds fun,” he said, disdain evident in his voice. Celeste picked up on it and smiled warmly.

“I just wanted to come back and get back into my routines,” she said. A thought occurred to Lily and her eyes shot up.

“You were hoping to see one of those celebrities,” Lily said, more accusation in her tone than she meant. It didn’t matter because she was right. It was evident on Celeste’s face. Celeste shifted in her spot.

“No, of course not, why would I be excited to meet a celebrity? I’ve met dozens of them already,” Celeste replied. Lily smirked realizing she’d made her uncomfortable.

“They’re not here,” Lily said, causing Celeste to look her in the eyes. “They won’t be here until later.” Lily glanced over at The Dude to see if he would correct her. He didn’t.

“Oh, okay,” Celeste said, glancing around the empty gym. “Well, I guess I’ll go get ready to work out then. It’s been great catching up with you two,” and with a small smile and shoulder shrug, Celeste bounced off to the women’s locker rooms. The Dude and Lily watched her leave and once she was safely away in the locker rooms, Lily looked directly at The Dude who shared a similar look.

“Fuck,” she sighed.

—

At around 8:30, Lily dashed from the gym floor to the locker rooms. She quickly showered and dressed in her usual barbershop attire: dark jeans, a blue or gray t-shirt, and her black and white Converse. Her general wardrobe consisted of these same pieces, with a few variations in the mix. She walked out of the gym to find The Dude helping another regular, Megan, on the rock wall. Though he was tall, The Dude was nimble and able to understand situations that required a certain skill. She walked over to them.

“Watch your heels, Rapunzel,” Lily called out to Megan. Her nickname came from the fact that Megan had insanely long blonde hair. It was beautiful and well-kept, but extremely long. Lily loved it. Megan grunted in response and did her best to heed Lily’s advice, but unfortunately couldn’t quite get it. She stumbled backward and landing on her feet on the mat. Groaning, she turned around to Lily and The Dude.

“I’m never going to get it,” she said with pained certainty. Lily smiled at her.

“You’ll get it,” she said. “You just have to stop pushing it and start feeling it,” she looked over at The Dude who was rolling his eyes at her.

“Haha, very funny,” he said, making Lily and Megan laugh. Lily smiled at The Dude.

“Well, I’m out y’all,” she said waving at both of them. Megan and The Dude waved back and Lily headed out to her truck. It was a very old, very beaten blue Chevy Silverado. It was actually her dad’s, but he had no need for it any more, so Lily got it. One of the few good things her dad did for her. She climbed in, started the loud engine, and puttered off into town.

The barbershop where she worked was in the historic downtown square of Taylor. Her uncle Ray owned the shop and had for several decades. Ray was an older, stout man of 60. He had a decent sized beer belly, a handlebar mustache, and piercing blue eyes. Ray wasn’t actually Lily’s uncle, but he was as close to one as she could get. He took care of her during her senior year of high school and later on when she returned from college to find nothing and no one waiting for her.

Parking her car just outside the shop, Lily got out and darted across the empty street to the diner. Inside, she ordered four cups of coffee to go and a few donuts for everyone. When she got her order, she once again crossed the empty street and walked into Ray’s shop. A few regulars were sitting in their respective stylists' chairs. Lily’s station was towards the front. She pulled a cup of coffee out for herself placing on her station, then went around the room handing the other cups of coffee out. Everyone greeted her with kindness and respect. They knew what she had been through with her parents.

Once everyone had their coffee, Lily settled in at her station and waited for her first customer, Mr. Ortiz. At 9:15, Mr. Ortiz hobbled into the shop and straight to Lily’s station. She jumped up and vacated her chair for him. He sat down and told her he wanted the usual, which for him meant a general trim of his hair and beard. Lily immediately got to work and 45 minutes later she was done and checking Mr. Ortiz out at the register. She sat back in her chair after cleaning up the area and decided to check her email. It was overflowing with spam and other junk, so she specifically searched for the email from Donovan. It was there postmarked two weeks ago. She opened it.

Hello team,

I hope this email finds you well. I want you to be the first to know that I have accepted the chance to teach and train two actors for an upcoming movie. They’ll be filming the majority of it in Texas, Oklahoma, and New Mexico, but we are one of the best-rated ninja warrior/parkour gyms in the country (go figure!). That means they will be here for a while getting the hang of certain moves and choreography.

The two actors in question are Tom Cruise and Henry Cavill. They are going to be here on Wednesday, the 17th at 7 am. We all know Lucky doesn’t read any of these, so someone please tell her. Other than that, you are all amazing!

Best,

Donovan Troy

Lily rolled her eyes at the line that she wouldn’t read the email. Though it was true, she hated how easy it was for him to read her. Anyway, she easily recognized Tom Cruise and could think of several movies she had seen him in. But, who the hell was Henry Cavill?

----

@taglist:

@maeleeme

Last Picture Show

Back in 1971, one of the best movies ever produced hit the big screen. The Last Picture Show was a coming-of-age drama set in the fictional decaying north Texas town of Anarene, a tale of graduating high school seniors trying to find their ways out of town. In the end, the story finds only a handful of locals at the movie house for its last screening before it shuts down for good--Red River--and winds up being prophetic of a distant time.

Well, kinda.

If things go as planned, whatever is showing at your local Regal Cinema this Thursday will be their last picture show, too, at least for a while. The chain, which is the second-largest in the US, plans to shutter all 536 of its units in the US.

The pandemic, as it turns out, has not been nice to the theater business. Deemed non-essential early on, they were forced to close. But then as states relaxed and reopened, theaters were allowed to open their doors as well, albeit with a slew of safety protocols.

The only problem is that Hollywood also shut down and just went on a long hiatus. This left the theaters with virtually nothing to show other than old movies. You know. Stuff we can see on Netflix and Amazon Prime, or buy or rent on DVD. It’s a lot like selling last week’s soggy bananas.

The tipping point in their decision was the announcement this week that the release of the new James Bond film, No Time To Die, has been put off until sometime in 2021. With no blockbusters in sight, it just did not make sense for Regal to stay open.

The result is 40,000 workers being furloughed, and a big dip in popcorn sales.

Cinemas face a difficult return regardless of what Hollywood does, though. The pandemic has changed us all, and although I scarcely ever went to the theater anyway, I have even less desire to do so now. Or church. Crowded restaurants and bars. Music venues. Even bowling alleys.

I, like millions of others, will have to warm up to all of these ideas again, whenever the virus exits stage right. We had our come to Jesus moment with it, and now the salvation of good health stipulates we steer clear of crowded public spaces.

I’ll be honest. I wrestle with it. While I can say with glee that this has been the healthiest year I have ever lived, it was done so at great expense. Masks. Frequent hand-washing. And, sadly, not mingling with people. My social circle is exceedingly tight, consisting only of people who have been similarly diligent. I can do this for a good long while, but I really don’t want to spend the rest of my days doing it. We are social animals, and even a virus cannot change that.

I foresee tough days ahead for any type of establishment that once catered to large numbers of people, though. Facebook and Zoom are only temporary fixes for the absences in our lives. How these establishments figure out how to assure customers they are safe is going to take more than just the agility of which I have preached this year, but also sheer genius.

I don’t blame Regal for closing once again. They have no product to sell right now, and it would be no different if Walmart’s supply chain broke down. You can’t survive selling only popcorn. If you want to see a movie in a theater, you better hurry on down to your local Regal before they lock the door.

Because in this last picture show, the guy getting run over in the end by the truck is the industry itself, and there might not be anyone around to offer solace. "Never you mind, honey. Never you mind."

Dr “Somebody Turn Out The Lights“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

OKAY (Long post is LONG because I am incapable of being concise, sorry. Why use ten words when a hundred will do?)

First off: I would like to thank each and every person that bought something on my Walmart or Amazon wish lists. It was of unimaginable help, especially the dogfood. The state randomly decided to cancel my EBT (again) for no discernible reason, so we had to spend money on food and would have had to dip into the money we had saved for a rental deposit without your help on those household essentials. So, T H A N K  Y O U.

(Note: If you bought something off our Amazon list, please PM me. Most of it’s gotten here okay, but one thing never arrived, but I don’t know who purchased it and you gonna need to contact amazon on your end)

Full situation recap: As a lot of you know, I have been desperately searching for someplace to move for the last few months. 

The property we live on right now is being sold, and the new owner doesn’t want our place, so it’s gonna be striped and used as a fire training stage.

There have been some false hopes. I was literally about to hand over a deposit on a place in June, even, when the property manager got a call from the big boss with an order to halt all rentals at that park (like, I am not even slightly exaggerating, I was about to initiate the bank transfer when the call came through).

So back to searching it was, which included many many fruitless calls, three attempted scams (hoo boy, was the last one a doozy too), and more tears and panic attacks than I care to admit (no, I’ll admit it. SO MANY).

BUT! I have prevailed! I HAVE A PLACE. 

Went and put the deposit down this afternoon and a hundred towards the first months rent (threee houuuuur caaaaar driiiiive. Both ways. Ugh. A thousand thanks to my current landlady for driving me across the state.)

This place is,,,, Well, better than the place I was fixing to put money on before? Bigger anyway. It’s an actual house, not a trailer, and rent-to-own direct from the owner not a bank (banks all want upwards of a thousand down on RtO; WHY?!?!). Walls, roof, windows, and floor all intact. Owner seems the decent sort for an old white southern dude (I’ll have to keep ace-ness and such on the downlow, but I expected that. This IS Georgia.)

However, there are some issues.

The entire thing, barring the (tiny TINY shotgun) bathroom and (awkwardly designed) Kitchen, is floored in THE most gawd AWFUL 70s olive green shag carpeting I have seen in AGES. 

I have pictures. 

I will totally share once I find where the hell my fxxkin’ camera specific USB cord went (may have to see if I can borrow one from someone tbh).

Also, the walls? Not only are they a funny pinky-grey tan, they are popcorned/cottage cheesed, not just the ceiling. It is one of the most yuckbadno combinations my autistic ass has encountered recently.

The owner also did a weird thing in the living room and boarded up and spackled over large windows on each side and replaced them with a single window in the front, which, okaaaay, but the spackle job is,,,, not the smoothest. like. At All.

 I don’t want to be too down on the owner, bc he is Old, and clearly not the finest handyman, but it is Bad. (I also have clear pics of this and will share).

The walls are handleable for the most part. I have a line on some paint, hopefully, and spackle is cheap. That can be handled after we move in, even if the color/texture makes me want to hurl.

The main problem is the carpet. 

Mom’s (mostly) in a wheelchair. And anyone who’s tried pushing themselves around on shag carpeting in a wheelchair knows, you get nowhere at a snails pace.

That stuff needs to go, ASAP.

So, I’m looking into flooring options to add to my Walmart Registry and my Amazon Wishlist. Mom’s adamant it HAS to be the solid sheet kind, not tile, so that limits what we can do. I’ll add some in the next few days once I figure out which ones are cheaply priced but not too cheaply made, and mostly lighter colors since the place really needs lightening tbh. I did toss a kind of flexible plastic runner on the lists, which will help if we can’t get flooring right away. She’d be able to move from room to room on those, I think. If anyone could possibly help out with some of the other items so we can save to buy the vinyl or pvc sheeting ourselves, I would be so grateful (dog food is always welcome).

Note: I’ve added some frivolous things to the Amazon list. Mom is currently very very disappointed that this is the best we could find and afford, and is tipping into a lovely depressive episode now, I think. The fact that it’s all fixable things is falling on deaf ears right now, all she can see is that it’s not what she’d hoped. She’s also still quite upset at the death of one of our dogs earlier this month. She usually bought herself a DVD or two a month, but we’ve been frantically trying to save money the past year, so it’s been a long time since she’s been able to. So I went and looked over her Amazon Wishlists and tossed a bunch of things she’s had on them for a long time. If anyone would be willing to grab her a favorite movie, or a book, or a hair clip, to raise her spirits a little, I’d be very grateful. (Her birthday is also in August, and at this rate, there really isn’t going to be anything left for us to have any kind of ‘Happy 69th Birthday’ celebration)

WALMART LIST

AMAZON LIST