#and the other part of the answer is that most ppl don't go into acting assuming they'll get famous. the fame was a side effect
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what i love about the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi of it all is that...it's not just that he's famous and therefore widely recognizable wherever he goes. like yes that is very funny because he was an exorcist before he became a famous actor, which means he CHOSE, on purpose, a day job that would make it harder to hide his double life/secret identity from the hordes of his adoring public, but it's more than that. it's not just that he's famous, it's that he's famous specifically for being an ACTOR, aka a person whose job it is to dissimulate, to make believe, to inhabit roles and emotions other than his own. like he decided he was going to become as visible as possible (which again was literally not necessary! he could have gone into any other career for his day job!!) but in such a way that everyone would see him but no one would see him - they would just see his various made-up personas, including the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi persona. i can't decide if he's a genius or if he just made so many absurd decisions that they canceled each other out and circled back around to working out. he's either playing 9-dimensional chess or he's eating the pieces. too soon to say.
#the other thing i love about it is that in a very real sense it's his actor day job that is his alter ego#being an exorcist is his normie job. he's just a famous celebrity on the side#which isn't that uncommon in secret identity setups but it's still very funny#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#natori shuuichi#natsuyuu meta#my posts#f#i think probably the actual answer is that acting was a very natural career choice because he already masks so extensively#both to hide that he can see things other people can't (and that youkai exist and that he exorcises them)#and to hide what he's really feeling so that no one can use it against him#so if it's already something he has to do & he's good at it...why not have someone tell him exactly how to do it & get paid for it?#and the other part of the answer is that most ppl don't go into acting assuming they'll get famous. the fame was a side effect#so each decision as it was being made probably made perfect sense. but put them all together#and you have this hilarious assortment of elements that seem to directly contradict each other#okay also i would be remiss if i didn't mention the other possible answer which is that the attention came first and was unavoidable#and the acting developed from the need to protect himself from the attention that he was going to be attracting no matter what he did#because he's so beautiful. and (in the exorcist world specifically) because he's the last of the natori#the more i talk about it the more i'm like no becoming a famous actor was the only path that made any sense for him lol#1) he's gonna be watched no matter what bc he's him -> gotta figure out how to hide his secrets -> learn to act as self-defense#or 2) he's got secrets -> he's gotten a lot of practice hiding them -> hey you could make a career out of this!#all roads lead to actor natori shuuichi. and since he's beautiful...all roads lead to FAMOUS actor natori shuuichi#i love it when i ramble so much in the tags that i end up contradicting my own post lol#he's neither thinking ten steps ahead nor is he irrational. he's simply making sensible individual decisions#that follow logically from what is available to him and what his priorities are
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II Most Wanted Pt. 3: Drivin’ you crazy...
Pairing: Syverson x OFC Reader "Buttercup" (w/ Betty Bronco)
Summary: Sy tells his story and you tell yours. And all of that pent up feeling has to go somewhere, right?
Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. RPF. S MUT, Angst, pining, fluff. Mentions of teenage pregnancy, cheating, deception, divorce, breakups., self-destructive behaviors, fighting, promiscuity, mentally abusive relationships, miscarriage. Army life. Old automobiles, a 20 year high school reunion, a drive-in, red meat and french fries, dirty talk, voice kink, mentions of masturbation, fingering, oral sex (male and female receiving), grown ppl getting NASTY in the back of a car, graphic depictions of sex acts.
Read at your own risk. Not Beta’d. All errors my own.
A/N: This is the third installment of II Most Wanted. I'm in love with these two; they are bringing my cold dead writer heart back to life. If you like it, please reblog and comment.
I don't have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘
I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.
Previous part
—--
You let Sy’s arm go and settled in for the ride once you got to State Route 405. The window was down and you were making waves in the wind, just like you used to do all those years ago.
Sy looked over at you and felt something that he couldn’t name at that moment, and the feeling intensified when you reached up and pulled your hair out of the chignon, letting it go wild in the wind.
He didn’t know he made a sound in his throat as he admired how you looked in the moonlight. You looked back over at him, hair whipping around your face; gorgeous.
“What?”
He realized that he was grateful that you agreed to come with him at all. He said something instead of what he was feeling.
“You hungry?”
You looked out to the highway and smiled at the road.
“Looks like you already know the answer to that.”
Sy nodded at you, a slight smile on his lips. He felt the familiar rhythm of you two falling back in sync. Didn’t seem like two decades at all.
“Just checking.”
After a comfortably silent ten minute ride, you pulled up at Cardin’s Drive-Thru, an institution in your town. You grinned at Sy.
“The world is your oyster, order anything you want.”
He waved his hand toward the menu on his side of the car and you giggled at the familiar phrase. You scooted closer to him on the bench seat.
“Sorry. I wear glasses now. Didn’t bring them.”
Sy didn’t know why the image of you in glasses got him hard. You glanced at him as you leaned over him to look at the menu to see if it had changed. He took in your breasts as you gave him a view of your cleavage as you leaned over his lap. Lord, give him strength.
“No worries at all, Buttercup.”
His voice was gruff and you felt his breath on your face as you closed your eyes and took a whiff of burgers and fries and Sy.
Sy was practicing all of his restraint as you stayed close to him to look at the menu.
“I want…”
That voice did something to Sy, and he had to shift in his seat. You and that damn cute look of curiosity didn’t help the situation in his pants either.
“I want… a Smokey Burger and a chocolate shake please!”
You were as happy as a clam.
“Y’know. I’ve had dreams about Cardin’s burgers, especially since I stopped eating red meat two years ago. But you know what, tonight seems to be all about “Fuck It!”
Sy raised his eyebrow at you.
“You just ordered a burger with double patties and bacon.”
“Yep,” You popped the p. “I know.”
You grinned at him and he shook his head.
“Still living dangerously, I see.”
You raised your chin.
“I’m still living,” you replied.
An understanding passed between you.
“Amen.”
Sy stretched his long arm out of the window to press the button and order, and you were staring at his forearms again. Don’t be such a slut, you thought.
“Yes, we need a Smokey Burger, a chocolate shake, a Huge Burger, no onions, and an extra large Frenchy fries, with a large Dr. Enuf.”
He smirked at you after the order was confirmed.
“It’s a given that you would come for my Frenchy fries.”
Sy gave you a short history about the ownership of the legendary drive-in, and how the new owners were long time residents who vowed to restore its former glory, including the world famous Frenchy fries.
“Well, Cardin’s fries are legendary, but I have to be careful. ‘M not the same size I used to be.”
You smoothed your dress down as much as you could while seated. Sy followed the path of your hands on your body and licked his lips.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You look damn good to me.”
Sy arched his eyebrow at you and you laughed nervously.
“I’m dead serious. You look even better than I remember, Buttercup. You were always so pretty.”
You were quiet as you looked into his eyes. He was being sincere.
“Sy, that’s sweet.”
He moved toward you, getting into your space. You couldn’t breathe, and your primal brain was kicking in.
“If you only knew what thoughts I’m thinkin, Buttercup. You wouldn’t call me, “sweet.”
His eyes ran over your body posessively.
“You are still the finest woman I’ve ever seen.”
You were locked in, ready to ask him what he was thinking and let him ruin your life all over again. You parted your lips to lick them and speak when you heard the metal of the drive-in tray connect with the open window behind Sy and your focus shifted as Sy moved away.
“Got your food here!”
Sy ran his hand through his short curls. He looked annoyed. At the interruption, his hair, maybe both?
“Haven’t had my hair this long in a while. Growing it out.”
You reached out and arranged an errant curl.
“Looks good on you, Sy.”
He just grinned and then turned to get the food.
Once the food was in the car and paid for, he asked, “Wanna take this up to the Lookout?”
You looked at him skeptically.
“Only so we can tailgate and talk and stretch our legs. And look at the view.”
He smiled that rogueish smile at you. Some things never change, you thought with a smile. You sipped your shake, which was still really too thick to drink, and nodded.
“What the hell. You only live once, right?”
“Ya damn right, Buttercup.”
—
You sat eating Sy’s Frenchy fries under the star light as country music played and Sy looked at you thoughtfully, Beyonce playing in the background.
Il tuo fedel
Sospira ognor
Cessa, crudel
Tanto rigor
Ooh
Ooh
“You ready?”
You hopped off the liftgate and stood in front of him, prepared to hear his story.
“Let’s go.”
Sy took a deep breath as you waited and listened.
“Well, the fact is, you told me so.”
“What do you mean?”
“You asked me if I was sure that the baby was mine. Then I got mad and that made things worse. And that was the last time you spoke to me.”
“Yeah.”
“And after you broke up with me, rightly so in that situation, I decided to be there for my family. Becca and I got married at the courthouse before the baby came, and I enlisted in order to have an income and health insurance for the baby.”
Your heart clenched.
“I shipped out right after little Jeremiah was born.”
There was a wistful smile on Sy’s face that warmed your heart.
“Becca stayed with her parents while I was on tour, and for two years we were apart. It was hard bein’ away, and Becca and I didn’t have the best relationship, but I was set to make it work for our kid, ya’ know?”
“I wouldn’t have expected anything less, Sy.”
He looked at you long and hard.
“Becca broke the news to me when I came back. The baby was Jeremy’s, but he didn’t want to accept responsibility at the time, and she knew I would.”
“What?”
Your mouth dropped open.
“Jeremy Atkins. Your best friend Jeremy?”
“Unhhunh.”
Sy looked as hurt as if it just happened.
“I am so sorry Sy.”
“It was a helluva blow. And I was so angry. At myself for believing the lie, you know? For getting attached to the idea of being a parent.”
Your heart broke for Sy. You moved closer to him.
“I was so self destructive. Got into fights with everyone at every bar within a 50 mile radius. Then, I went right back to Afghanistan, acting as if each one was a suicide mission.”
Sy’s voice lowered.
“Came home in another two years and screwed up the courage to ask Bubbles about you. She told me you were engaged to…”
“Scott. Yeah…”
You couldn’t look him in the eye, but Sy lifted your chin with his fingers, causing you to look him in the eyes.
“And you know what? Thinking that you were happy calmed me down a little. I was proud of you for getting your degree and moving on, so I decided to do the same. Went to college, mostly on line, and then Officer’s Training School, joined Special Forces. Went back to the front and became a leader. Immersed myself in the cause while keeping perspective of my role in it. But a couple of years ago I got injured,”
He saw the look on your face.
“It’s my back. I’m mostly fine. But it allowed me to retire early.”
Sy looked around at the view, the twinkling lights of the town.
“I started a business with a partner, and I volunteered to be the offensive line coach for the high school in my spare time. I even got to coach Jeremiah his senior year. He’s turned out to be a good kid.”
He looked at you, and time seemed to melt away. He was the same Sy you fell in love with 20 years ago. But with so much more wisdom.
“I live a good life, Buttercup. Don’t feel sorry for me.”
You moved to sit beside him again on the tailgate. You were silent as you tried to think of what to say.
“I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m sorry this happened to you. I forgive you for what I held against you. Sy? D’you forgive me?”
You needed his answer like air.
“Nothing to forgive, Buttercup. Like I said. I can’t complain about my life.”
You looked up at Sy who was looking up at the stars with a wry smile on his face. You looked up, too. He looked back down at your profile.
“What about you? How has your life been?”
You took a deep breath, contemplating that question and the stars. You decided to tell him everything. Well, almost everything.
“I was angry too, Sy. You know that. Angry that all my well laid plans were turned to dust in a moment. When I went to college across the state, I decided to stop caring so much. So, I fucked everyone in sight.”
Sy winced. You chuckled.
“I calmed down in a couple of years and met Scott. He seemed so steady? He was in law school, and his father was a partner in a big firm. He said that I didn’t have to finish my degree; I could just go home with him to New York City, have a couple of babies and be a society wife. Seemed like a good idea, so I did. I left just two semesters shy of having my degree in architecture.”
You shook your head at your gullibility.
“My mom was elated, thinking I’d hit the jackpot.”
You got up again and started pacing, hands wrapped around yourself as you thought back to that time in your life.
“It was not good. Two miscarriages, 3 mistresses, and 8 years later, I finally found the courage to leave with Carla when she came to visit. I vowed never to go back to that headspace again.”
Sy stood up then, fists closed at his side and his jaw clenched.
“I didn’t know. I asked about you, but neither Bubbles nor Blossom told me that. I would have come for you, Buttercup.”
You smiled at him.
“They knew better than to say a word to you. Seven years ago I didn’t want anyone to know. And I didn’t need rescuing. I rescued myself.”
You smiled again and Sy just wanted to hold you.
“Went back to school and finished my degree. Lived life on my own terms.”
You looked him in the eye again.
“So yeah, I guess I have a pretty good life, too.”
“I’m glad, Buttercup.”
Sy sat down again and your eyes moved down the length of him. Why did brown dress shoes get you so hot? You had a problem.
“You sharing this good life with anyone?”
Sy’s voice made you nervous all of a sudden. You looked at your hands.
“Not at the moment, no. I’m single.”
Sy seemed to let out a breath.
“Me, too, been single ever since I retired.”
You didn’t know what to say.
“Oh.”
Sy stood up and walked in front of you. You were still looking at his shoes.
“Ya know, I’ve only felt like I’ve been in love once, no. Twice in my life.”
“Hmmm.”
You were afraid of this conversation and you couldn’t fully participate.
“Please look at me Buttercup.”
You did as he asked. His eyes were burning right through you.
“The first time I felt that was 20 years ago, with you. And the second…”
Sy moved toward you and took your hands in his.
“Hell, we’ve wasted enough time, Buttercup. The truth is,when I saw you tonight I realized that I’m still in love with you now.”
—-
The wind was knocked out of you. How were you supposed to respond?
“Sy, I- I can’t survive another hurt. My heart is in pieces.”
“I know, Buttercup. But I promised you that I will love you until the day I die. I meant that shit. I still mean it.”
He moved closer, and he slotted himself between your thighs. His hands went to your hips and he pulled you close.
“Won’t you let me make it up to you? These last 20 years?”
You continued to look into his eyes as you considered his request. You put your hands on his chest as you made your decision.
“No, Sy. I can’t let you do that.”
He looked hurt and his eyes were cast down as his cheeks dusted pink. He thought he blew it. Then you spoke again.
“The past is the past. It’s done. We can try and work on today. And tomorrow. One day at a time. I’d like to try with you.”
Sy’s brow furrowed, but his face softened as he realized what you were saying. He gave you a soft smile.
“Fair enough, Buttercup. Let’s work on today. And tomorrow. I’ll give you some time.”
You thought about how Sy was always a gentleman with you, never pushing you to do anything you didn’t want to do, always putting your needs first. Well, you needed him now.
Your hands were fisting his shirt now, pulling apart so that you could see his dog tags against his chest hair, and that image sent you feral. You pulled him toward you. Sy sucked in a breath as you left a soft kiss on his lips, his beard tickling your cheeks. He seemed frozen as you pulled away.
“Mmmhm.”
Sy grunted in his throat and his hands came up to your waist. His cock was swelling and he felt on the edge of control.
“I wanna kiss you again, Buttercup. And not in a ‘sweet’ way.”
“Do it, Sy. We’re grown now.”
You were breathless at the emotion and lust in his voice.
Sy moved his hand to the back of your neck and you shivered as he carded his fingers at the back of your scalp, tugging on your curls to make you look up at him.
“‘M not sure you are ready for all that I want, Buttercup.”
And his mouth descended on yours, his thumb came around and ticked your jaw open for him to invade your senses with himself. He kissed you like he owned you, and his hands ended up on both sides of your head as you moaned your way through the kiss. He pulled away, looked at your lips, then went back in to kiss you again.
“Ya got my mind runnin’ baby. Those lips. Fuck. I’m down bad.”
Sy’s cock was hard and aching, and his hands were on your body: those thighs, that ass as he pulled you closer to him. Then he stopped and leaned away, searching your face. Your eyes were dilated and those lips were parted.
Holy fuck, was he a goner.
You whimpered and pulled him closer, your hands going to his ass as he kissed you again. He was laughing at you as he pulled away this time.
“Look who’s getting spicy no-”
Sy stopped talking when you ripped his shirt open, buttons flying everywhere. You were disappointed when you saw the tank he was wearing underneath.
“Sorry Sy. I ruined your shirt. I don’t know what came over me.”
You looked up at him under your lashes and he couldn’t tell if you were being facetious or not. You toyed with his dog tags, imagining them waving in your face as... Shit. What were you doing?
Sy stepped back and pulled the shirt off, and pulled the tank out of his pants, then came back to you immediately, hands moving up your thighs, pushing your short dress up even further.
“I know what came over you. Same thing’s that’s been possessing me for years, Buttercup.”
Sy leaned down to capture your eyes and you were stuck. You were locked in on him as he proceeded to destroy your sou.
“You’ve been drivin’ me crazy for years, running around my mind as I did a lot of things. Thought of you when I was training, eating, doing things around the house. When I was in-country and alone in my tent at night. When I…”
Sy stopped and licked his lips as his hands reached the tops of your thighs, long fingers toying with the waistband of your panties. You squirmed in his grip.
“Shit, Buttercup, do you ever think of me when you touch yourself?”
You were mute, mouth open to breathe, and Sy knew you were in the zone.
“Cause I sure as hell do. Do you know how often I’ve imagined you wrapped around me when it was just my hand?”
Sy whispered it in your ear, but pulled back to see your reaction, which was wide-eyed lust. You licked your lips and nodded, ready to hear more.
“Time and space is nothin’ to fight this powerful magic that is the thought of you, Darlin’. I imagine you, imagining me while you touch your pretty little pussy, circling your little clit with your delicious wetness. I dream of you getting off because of me, just like I cum so fucking hard just thinking of you. Every time.”
Sy watched your eyes close and your chest heave as you tried to regulate. He continued with his seduction.
“...But I know it’s nothing like the real thing.”
Your own fingers ventured below his undershirt, finding thick abdominal muscles there, and a dense happy trail. His stomach clenched in response to your touch.
“Mmmm. Can I touch you too, Buttercup? Are these panties soaked? Can I check to make sure?”
You were nodding as your hands went up his pecs, grabbing them, your fingers ghosting over his nipples. Sy moved his hands at a glacial pace it seemed, because you wanted him instantly where you needed him most.
He found your sodden center over the gusset of your panties and you pressed into his light touch. He groaned as he started rubbing up and down your clothed seam and pressing the now sticky material into you. You leaned forward and started licking and sucking the veins that popped up on his neck. He moaned.
‘You got me so far gone, baby. I wanna…’’
He grabbed the side of your panties and you whimpered with need.
“Just say the word, and I’ll stop. But right now I can’t help myself. Need to feel you, touch you, taste you.”
“Don’t stop, Sy. Been waiting so long.”
Sy put his forehead against yours, breath huffing in time with yours. You again asked for what you wanted.
“Sy. I need you. Need to feel y-”
Your words caught in your throat as Sy pulled your panties to the side and sunk his fingers into your wetness. The obscene slosh of you made Sy pulse in his pants. He trailed up and down your cut, shaking his head and clenching his jaw.
“Why?”
He looked up at you as if you had wounded him, blue eyes blazing.
“Why are you so fucking…so fucking wet? How do you expect for me t-to f-f fuck! T’ function when…?”
The stutter did you in.
“‘S’all you, Sy. Got wet when I first saw you t’night…”
Sy pulled his fingers out and tasted them, moaning, then growling, and then took a hold of your waist and practically threw you in the back of the truck. He leaned over the gate, pulled your thighs apart, then tore your panties off, causing you to squeal.
“You’re so fucking pretty. Gotta taste you, Buttercup. Can’t believe it’ll be my first time.”
“Go for it.”
You winked and smiled at him, but the look was wiped from your face as he dove into your crease, tongue licking a rude stripe from the bottom to the top of you. You put your hand over your mouth as you moaned.
Sy looked up at you, offended.
“Don’t keep your sounds from me, baby. Need to hear the real thing instead of my imagination.”
He went back to work kissing your clit, then sucking it into his mouth with increasing intensity. The slight burn from his beard was delicious. You got a grip of his hair as he manhandled your thighs, keeping you in place as you writhed and arched beneath him. He moaned against you while talking to your pussy.
“So fucking good for me.”
“Taste like a jar o’ spicy honey...”
“Hmmm. Beard’s all soaked now. That’s my girl.”
“Gettin’ even wetter for me, that’s what I like. Gimme.”
“I love this pretty little pussy.”
His proclamations were punctuated by kisses, licks, and sucks and finally, he pushed one thick finger into you as you called his name. The cunilingus, penetration, and praise had you teetering on the precipice.
“Syyyyyy!”
“That’s it. Let me hear you. Damn, you’re so fucking hot and so godamn tight. Dream about giving you my cock, but I don’t know if you can take it…”
He knew he had you as he leaned back down to suck your clit like taffy candy again. You watched him and moaned. Then he added another finger. You stiffened. Then he crooked his fingers, telling you to come to him, and you did. And all over his face.
Sy took off his tank and wiped his face with it, then unbuckled his pants and fisted his cock, crawling in the back of the truck with you.
“Don’t have any condoms, just let me… just let me rub one out…so fucking hard for you Buttercup.”
Sy was so far gone, his mind was mush.
“C’mere, Baby…”
You reached for him as he shuffled near you on his knees and started stroking, admiring the large mushroom cap of his cock glistening from pre-cum in the starlight. You fell in love with the way his length curved into the curls on his abs, and the way his breath hitched as your hand tried to close around him. You pressed your nose into his belly to inhale his scent, careful not to stop what your hand was doing.
It was your turn to pleasure him.
“I do think about you, Sy. I imagine deep throating you while you play in my pussy. Makes me cum so hard against my little bullet.”
You pressed a kiss near his belly button as his cock jerked in your hand and his abs clenched. His hand went to your hair. You could tell that he wanted to move your mouth to his dick, but that he was holding back. You lifted your hand, jacking him faster as you kissed his balls, which were so tight against him.
“Wan’ you to cum all over my stomach, my tits…”
Sy groped your chest, searching for and then twisting your taught nipple when he found it. He was outright panting as you talked him through it.
“.... my ass, my lips, Sy…”
His groan was louder now and his knees were shaking as you licked a stripe up the underside of him, pausing, to purse your lips and gloss them in the clear fluid at his tip. You gazed up at him as you stuck your tongue out and kitten licked him.
“Truth is, I’m a slut for you. Fuck my face Sy,”
“Shhhhhitttttttt….!”
Sy grabbed your head and used your mouth while you concentrating on taking his thick length and breathing.
“You’re a slut, hunh? My slut?”
You nodded as best you could, only to have your eyes roll as he pushed down your throat.
“Dream about swallowing my cum? D’ya? Like a good girl?”
“Ummhnnghhh!”
There were tears rolling down your face and saliva dripping down your chin.
“So fucking pretty swallowing my cock. Fuck….here it… fucking… comes….. Fuckkkk!”
Sy roared as his dick pulsed cum directly down your throat and you received it, letting your jaw go slack. Sy groaned as he pulled out and stroked the last of his spend on your outstretched tongue.
“So fucking nasty, Buttercup, who woulda thought?”
He beamed at you as you showed him his handiwork. He closed your mouth and you swallowed before he pulled you in for a filthy kiss. He cleaned your face with his tank top, straightened your clothes and his, and then pulled you to him.
“That was…”
You were hoarse, and you laughed. Sy laughed with you.
“That was hot.”
“Yeah. It was great.”
“I love you, Buttercup.”
There was silence on your end. You shivered as you thought about what was holding you back.
Sy didn’t want any awkwardness. He kept it moving.
“It’s getting chilly out.”
He climbed out of the back of the truck and picked up his shirt, flicking any dust off of it and put it on you. Then, he put his tank top back on.
“Sy! That’s… Dirty.”
You blushed as you thought of your fluids all over it.
Sy lifted it and smelled it, then grinned back up at you.
“Yeah, smells like your pussy. Don’t think I’ll ever wash it.”
“Jacob Syverson!”
You swatted at his chest.
“Don’t act all shy on me now, not after what we just did, Buttercup.”
He lead you back around to the passenger seat again and buckled you in. You bit your lip wondering what came next. Was this really happening?
In a few minutes you were back at your car. The parking lot was empty except for your rental. Sy jumped out and opened your door. When you were back in your car, he leaned through the window and kissed your lips.
“You’re here until Monday, yeah?”
It was Friday night. There was a weekend of activities for the reunion planned.
“Yeah. I’ll be at the cookout tomorrow, and church and brunch on Sunday. And I have a job interview Monday morning.”
Sy raised his eyebrow at that last bit, but didn’t ask for an explanation.
“Can I see you tomorrow night? Dinner?”
“Okay.”
Why were you so breathless?
Sy was anxious at letting you go.
“I’ll follow you to your air bnb. Just to make sure everything’s safe.”
You smirked at him.
“Alright.”
Sy followed you to your old neighborhood, which now seemed to be gentrified, got out and checked out the house. Then, you walked him back to the front door. He leaned on the door frame and towered above you.
“G’night, Buttercup."
He licked those sinful lips of his.
"Sweet dreams.”
He leaned down and kissed you and then straightened up, eyes on you hungrily. He was driving you crazy, looking like a sex god. You thought about the amount of time you had left and you made a decision. You grabbed his shirt and pulled him into the house.
“Get your fine ass in here, Sy. I’m not done with you tonight.”
----
Next part Here
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@brandon666
First off, you have some *really* inaccurate ideas of what ASPD is. Do you think we can survive in the world acting like you expect me to act? Far more often, pwASPD appear detached and callous rather than actively hostile the way you're saying. We aren't 12 year old kids on Xbox Live voice chat, * s p o o k y voice* we are all around you. You wouldn't be able to pick most of us out of a crowd, even if you had direct interaction with us. In fact, a running joke here and in my real life is that people often tell pwASPD "don't worry, I can sniff out a s*ciop*th a mile away" or similar not realizing they're talking shit about us to our face.
There *are* pwASPD who are still entirely valid who act the way you're saying - and also plenty of prosocials who behave like that too. But it isn't all of us, all the time. Most of us are capable of and maybe even prefer to be cool, calm, and calculated about how we speak and act because of the trauma we have.
Unlike people on TV like Dr. House, there are real life consequences to the behavior you describe, and many of us strive not to be happy, but for life to be as convenient as possible. Kinda hard to get convenience while you're pissing everyone off. Ever heard the part of ASPD where they mention we are manipulative and charismatic? Yeah that isn't exactly compatible with being crass, careless, pranking, or offensive. Careless actually specifically bothers me because we are often said to "play a social chess game" with people we talk to. Many of us are extremely calculating and overly cautious. And many of us aren't, but it certainly isn't like you're saying all the time. Even pwASPD who *do* act like that usually are calm and "respectful" sometimes.
Also, I never claimed to be unmasked on this blog. Most of the time, I am absolutely masking to some degree - although much less than IRL. You can actually see that in the tags, I use "a rare unmasked aspd-culture" as a joke about this fact. Whilst this is a safe place for other pwASPD to unmask if they'd like, my posts on this blog are different. My side of this is helping educate people - prosocial, antisocial, whoever - if/when they have questions for me about ASPD which is fairly frequent. This isn't to say I am not ok with unmasking here, like I said it's happened before, but consider the context of what's happening.
I'm often asked genuine questions about ASPD, some of which are ableist (almost always on accident!) and many of which are based on extremely common misconceptions. If I were to unmask while answering those, I would end up being really shitty to people who are trying to learn - often people who want to do better for the pwASPD in their life, or for themselves. We talk about coping mechanisms and the development of ASPD a lot here; with those topics there is little room for my unmasked behavior *and* education. If I were to unmask while answering, no one would be getting anything out of asking those questions even if I was providing info because it's hard to take in new information from someone when they're being defensive or hostile.
I don't want to be hostile towards them, I want to help because if ASPD is ever going to be destigmatized, someone has got to answer their questions and help show them what it is and what it isn't! We can't expect prosocials to fend for themselves in the cesspool of stigma that the typical google results on ASPD show - someone has to help them. And since one of my special interests (something autistic ppl like myself have and love to infodump about) is mental health, especially my own disorders, I am happy to be one of the people they can ask these sometimes tough questions to.
I am also helping pwASPD! Many questions I get are people trying to understand their own disorder or the disorder they think they might have. It sucked for me, learning this all on my own (and I'm still learning too), so I can use the cognitive empathy I've taught myself over the years and remember the feelings I went through when I was trying to find unbiased info.
There's a transaction here - a major part of ASPD if you didn't know - I calmly and respectfully answer people's questions, and the world becomes slightly less ignorant and we get a slight amount of progress on destigmatizing this disorder. That makes my life easier too. In the process, I see many culture asks that remind me I'm not alone in this. Often, posting those gives me some catharsis, and you will sometimes see me going off in the tags about what I've dealt with. But for the most part, I'm giving other pwASPD an open space to unmask as well as to ask questions to someone who will, 95% of the time, give a masked and respectful answer. Friendly is a stretch tho lol unless you missed the original post about the syscourse that you commented this on.
So yeah, long and short, you're definitely missing something here and that's ok. Just learn and do better. I know you might see that as another thing that is flying in the face of ASPD or whatever, but it's no skin off my back if you think I have ASPD or not, and anyway I'd rather you just learn and maybe next time someone says something like that to/around you about ASPD, you'll have the knowledge to correct it. Spreading info is an exponential situation - once I tell you guys things, some of you will inevitably tell someone else that, and so on and so forth until a good handful of people now know things about ASPD they didn't before. If not, oh well. I got to infodump and see relatable posts that made me feel seen.
Either way, it's been, and hopefully will continue to be, a net positive. You are absolutely welcome to keep this dialogue going if you have questions, want clarification, are enraged that I gave you a calm response, whichever. Even if you don't get anything out of this, someone else seeing it might.
I'll really fuck with you now - I genuinely hope you have a good day.
#aspd-culture-is#aspd culture is#aspd culture#actually aspd#aspd#aspd awareness#actually antisocial#antisocial personality disorder#aspd traits#anons welcome#tw sociopath
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Hey Goldy
Love your blog ♥️
About the recent Wlives from JK and how he is been so open and so honest with Army. He wants to talk to us. He wants to tell us things related to him and his life and whenever he does that this fandom becomes so weired. Why is everyone acting like they know JK better then JK himself? He literally said he is avoiding sensitive questions but he still choose to say "JeonJimin" Out loud. Korean or not everyone in this world knows if two names are put together its because people like them together and they ship them. Its not like JK is from some diff world. The whole bird app is full of people saying how bad it was for a fan to write JeonJimin in comments. And now the people of this fandom have become some saints overnight and are teaching people how to write comments and what to say and what not to say.
Where are these teachers and these saints when Tuktukkers make noise? - Oh they are nowhere to be found.
Everyone need to understand that it was JK who choose to say it out loud while he was avoiding sensitive questions or things to say. But he still choose to answer questions about Jimin and say his ship name outloud.
I am sorry Goldy i am all over the place but i wanted to rant so i came to u. I have so mych more to say but then it will look like an essay lol anywas i am waiting for your post about Wlives happened recently and what u think about where this all is going and why was JK so desperate that he begged Jimin for a Live together for literally almost 2 mins straight. He almost risked it all. That boy needs his Jiminshii..
Love you Goldy and Love your blog♥️ You are one of the reasons for me to stay in this fandom. Thank God there is someone who actually understands boys and is not afraid to express her thoughts. Reading ur blog makes me calm and gives my tired brain some good Jikook therapy. Thank You
They just tried to ride on the wave of chaos and vitriol to express thier bigotry, anti Jimin and anti jikook sentiments but none of that works on me I'm afraid. been in this for so long I see right through their bull and it don't phase me. Not at all. Lmho.
And I'm glad he said he ignores comments he finds sensitive because we've seen them do that time and again on their lives through their pained expressions when they come across comments that are so vile and so grotesque.
How many times have we seen the Fandom akekeke over him reading YOONMIN on live or Tae Kook and explaining to Tae that's their ship name as if he was hearing it for the first time?
Look at his face reading that. Sounds like he's in on the joke to me🤷🏾
It's okay if he calls other ship name but it's a problem when he calls his own ship name- what a bunch of losers these ppl are.
Then they want us to believe this man had no idea what the fuck he was reading on that screen as if his intelligence evaporates when ITS TIME FOR HIM TO READ Comments about his own ship. LIKE GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE
The most annoying part of it all is, sometimes these boys read ship names from comments deliberately for whatever reason. Sope do this, Jikook do this.
Some times they are happy to see fans show love to other members by asking of them in the comments especially when we all know those members are going through tough times. It's a two edged sword situation. Some times fans over do it sometimes it really show live and support and other times it's a cute way of bonding with them and having our own inside jokes and secrets etc- we just have to learn to READ THE ROOM AND NOT OVER DO IT YA KNOW.
I recall Jimin reading comments about Jungkook (this might have been at a time when Jungkook was being heavily censored as I theorized years ago) Jimin saying fans kept asking of Kook during his live pushed Hybe to produce Jungkook the next day on live which if I remember correctly was even on YouTube not weverse😆
The power play is real- not that they need it now because SOLO. But still. The fans, the platform form, the attention all of that gives them leverage and if you are going to tell him what do with his own platform then he might as well delete it like he deleted Instagram.
PEOPLE NEED TO STOP TELLING THESE MEN WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES AND HOW TO LIVE THEIR LIVES.
Respecting them is respecting their complexities as human beings as well and not always viewing them in two dimensional black and white way. They can enjoy the ships and the delulu and the inside jokes and mentioning other members during their lives and still be frustrated with it sometimes, overwhelmed, disrespected or annoyed with it because THEY ARE COMPLEX BEINGS.
Some times they are in a bad mood and are easily triggered, other times they just couldn't care less.
COMPLEX BEINGS.
Pretty you're alright. I'll read your essays anytime. And love you same
Now lemme push my Jimin agenda, you won't happen to be a Jm Stan would you cos I want you to listen to his letters live version at 0.41 and 0.55 whatever he's doing there has me in a trance😭😭😭😭😭😭
When I die sing it on my boat ride to purgatory 🤧
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15 questions for 15 friends
I was tagged by my dear @elveny, thank you so much!! 💙
ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?: No! Well, yes, after a character in Greek mythology, but not after a parent or grandparent or anything like that.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: Yesterday. I was reading the Iliad again for an anon ask and was going through the part where Achilles kills Hector and oooh that scene got hands 🥲 I cry a lot though, I'm a crier, and a lot of the time it's about patrochilles so it's par for the course really lol
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?: Nope.
WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?: I'm fairly active generally but I don't play sports at all because I don't like them. I tried several sports while in school before accepting that I simply don't like team sports and I'm not good at them, but I had much more fun with solo sports. I swam for several years somewhat competitively, and I also did track for a while.
DO YOU USE SARCASM?: I think so? But usually only with people I'm very comfortable with, because I can never know what would go down well or not with a person I don’t know.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?: That’s hard to answer because I feel like it depends on the situation. Most of the time, it's body language and their general vibe. Meeting new people can be nerve wracking so I try to "read" them and act accordingly, if that makes sense? I don't want to step on any toes or say the wrong thing so figuring out what the other person's mood or interests might be usually helps. But that often means I miss out on other things on first encounter, like... their eyes or smile or something?? Lol idk man, socialising while on the spectrum is hard 🥲
WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?: Brown.
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: I think I'll pick scary movies because I do like horror and dark stuff and I don't care if the ending is happy or not as long the story is interesting.
ANY TALENTS?: it took me so long to think of something for this and I honestly don't know? I'm assuming by 'talents' we mean something you're born with, not something you've worked hard at like some kind of craft, right? In that case, I think I have pretty good visual memory, especially when it comes to books and articles and such, or the written word in general. Oh and I'm weirdly good at orientation, I can usually find my way no matter where I am. Which isn't such a huge deal now in the era of google maps, but back when there was no gps it was a pretty useful skill to have haha.
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: Greece.
WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?: Writing, reading, gaming, crocheting, drawing, going to museums! I'm constantly on the look out for new exhibitions and stuff, it's my favourite thing in the world to do.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: A darling and dastardly cat, aka my extension when I'm at home.
HOW TALL ARE YOU?: 1,68m
FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?: Oh god I freaking hated school, absolutely hated it LOL I can't think of one thing I liked in it. I guess I only enjoyed the very last year of high school when I was preparing for the Panhellenic exams because like... it felt like there was finally some kind of purpose or reason to be there at all, even though there was a lot of pressure. I loved Ancient Greek, Latin, History and Philosophy.
DREAM JOB?: I don't have one, I don’t dream of labour 🙃 I don't think there's any sort of job anyone could do in this capitalist hellscape we're all currently living in that would be enjoyable enough to make up for, well... living in a capitalist hellscape lol. If I could, I'd just go back to uni, probably. That was my happy place and I miss it. And I'd also write a bunch and read a bunch and take up all sorts of creative hobbies, and probably travel more.
Tagging forth to a bit more than 15 friends lol sorry (and I know I'm forgetting ppl): @baejax-the-great @thiefylilelf @vimlos @mogwaei @gloriesunsung @aymayzing @cordelia---rose @knicknocknick @aristi-achaion @peachandfig @heypax @darlingpoppet @tevivinter @mary-aries @tragediegh @pikapeppa @figsandphiltatos always with love and without any pressure 💕
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A little post about Aoi's values.
So that we can appreciate how deeply ideological her corruption arc is.
Previously, I talked a bit about how Plutomon's extremism ties with the game's conflict around individualism and collectivism. What makes this corruption great is that it's stemming from the values Aoi has always held; as much as they enable her to be someone who can be very generous and kind, they also serve as justification for her most intransigent and oppressive postures. This is because what she values can be summed up as follows:
Social propiety: From talking to your superiors and elders with the due respect, knowing your place in the hierarchy, and general politeness and good behavior, you can see her correcting others based on this multiple times. Which is part of the reason the group is so hierarchical earlier on, as she enforces this a lot.
Social conformity: This is mostly apparent due the way she tries her best to fulfill the external expectations placed on her, be it academically, socially or on her own behavior despite the misgivings she might hold (which are a lot, given Labramon's rather bad-tempered and opionated behavior. However, no matter how much it might aggravate her, she sticks to upholding proper behavior as a way to preserve group harmony).
Duty to one's community: Another thing that deeply drives her is wanting to be a valuable member to her community, that responsibility she has an individual to contribute to society. You can see this in the way her Cerberumon's cut scene is phrased, as one of the main catalysts for it is the sense of responsibility she feels over everyone as one of the oldest kids. She doesn't want to protect just the people close to her but make sure she can proactively get the group back home.
Cooperation: This is actually one of the things she names out loud, and people constantly foregoing it and leading to more workload/stress for her is actually one of her main resentments. Her Plutomon mad rantings about being always the one saddled with the most work evidence she values everyone doing their part. This type of reasoning can be a double-edged sword as it can be used to be deeply cruel to mentally ill/ disabled ppl, + other kinds of minorities irl. To her credit, she usually has the good grace not to directly impose this on others, but her violent Wrathful behavior coupled with her belief everyone should be like her (and fulfill societal expectations as diligently) to reach her "perfect world" show she can think like this.
Fairness/Justice: She cares about everyone getting their due and the general betterment of conditions for everyone, which is the aspect to her values that can finally factor compassion in. But it's telling it's the one value about which the answer to her arc hinges on—it distinguishes between Rightness and Fairness for good reason, as social conformity and not being disruptive/acting right don't necessarily have to center treating others fairly (think of the contrast between the rethoric used for Anubimon in contrast for Plutomon...)
Most of her values evidence her commitment to not causing disruption to a group and ensuring its proper functioning. Because she values politeness, it can mean she prefers negotiation over direct confrontation, but this isn't always a good thing, which the game is rather in your face about with how ineffective the group is at handling Shuuji following her and Takuma's conciliatory approach. Her talk about reaching mutual understanding can either fall into the aspect of social propriety or justice, so it can muddle the group's capacity to resolve conflict.
However, not only prioritizing Harmony above all else can lead to problems going by unresolved and festering, it can also be used as justification to enforce rather unyielding and strict social norms (as we very clearly see Plutomon as she enforces a strict hierarchy in her debut). Ultimately, she needs the others to guide and support her to be fair just as much as she does for them.
#Digimon survive#aoi shibuya#Digged an old twt thread so I felt like adapting it to this post lol#Bet you thought I was done meta posting lol#I'm saving some other write ups for Survive week#This will be useful to reference lol#Aoi#Meta#Mine
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i really loved these ask questions by @archivoasks which I found thru @svnarin and I wanna answer them all! they literally reminded me of my time on quotev where I used to take those free answer surveys! ughhh! I miss making quizzes 😭 but here we go <33
1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?
guilt. isolation. and my own will to better myself after 10th class.
2. show us a picture of your handwriting?
3. films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?
the hangover, pt 3. the campaign. the conjuring 2.
4. what made you start your blog?
I had started so many blogs and deleted them over these 3-4 yrs on Tumblr 😅 but I made my first blog (@demeto-anima) to post astrology incorrect quote, somehow it turned into TR blog, then I started posting my writings on it. When the list of my works started to grow, I made my side-blog @emotioball, then in December of 2022, I deleted both. Then in Jan 2023, I made my beloved @tristitia, on which I used to post my writings on my beloved Taiju, in March I guess, I deleted it too 😭 Now I'm here again, with the same name, but this time posting nothing because I lost that content maker streak in me somewhere back in September of last year 😭
5. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?
The best part is, you enjoy what you create and the sad part it, it hurts when ppl don't appreciate what you made with your whole heart 😔💔 (and also that to be visible, to become a bigger blog, you have to be socially active which on so many occasions I had failed to achieve because I'm scared of talking to someone else outside my circle (which is a semi-circle tbh)
6. what scares you the most and why?
My sister dying before me 💔 She is the only person on this planet who loves and understands me without any condition, she's my soul mate, I'll die if she's gone 💔
7. any reacquiring dreams?
yeah... this big road that never seems to end. I always find myself standing alone on it
8. tell a story about your childhood
once a boy in 2nd grade wrote my name on his arm with blade, principle thrashed him so bad (Idk why such things happens to me all the time, something like this repeated I'm 11th grade too)
9. would you say you’re an emotional person?
Yes, on a scale of 0 to 10, I'm 15.
10. what do you consider to be romance?
understanding each other, being honest to each other. random acts of services. making time to meet up at the park or cafe. long walks together, sharing stories, all kind of them, good, bad, embarrassing— this is love
11. what’s some good advice you want to share?
don't ever do anything half-heartedly
12. what are you doing right now?
recovering from typhoid 😭 mustering courage to complete my notes
13. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?
get into politics, I love it so much, I'm serious when I say I want to become Prime Minister of India 😭
14. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?
books, TV, good movies to watch with my family
15. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
try to be more confident
16. name 3 things that make you happy
books, writing, finally understanding a complex topic
17. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?
I believe in ghosts! I've a whole theory that they live in the lower electromagnetic spectrum of light, yk in the UV range and we cannot see them because we see things in visible range
18. favourite thing about the day?
it's lively, and I'm more productive during this time
19. favourite things about the night?
you got to make vivid scenarios before bed
20. are you a spiritual person?
not right now, but I want to be. achieve that state of peacefulness and satisfaction
21. say 3 things about someone you love
they stuck with me when I thought they'll leave. they respect my opinions. they never judges me.
22. say 3 things about someone you hate
you're mean. you're arrogant. you'll never know love if you'll keep making everything about yourself.
23. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?
I know when to distance myself from things that are running me mentally and/or physically
24. fave season and why?
summer, because there are lots of flowers and butterfly and green grass and blue sky and basically, lots of colors and life
25. fave colour and why?
yellow, because it reminds me of warmth, sun, sunflowers and that everything will be okay if it's not already, also Taiju's eyes are yellow so that's why too 🤭
26. any nicknames?
yeah, my one friend calls me Ashi and other calls me Asubaba
27. do you collect anything?
foreign currencies!
28. what do you do when you’re sad?
I watch TV 😭 and cry
29. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?
writing, especially when it turns out the way I wanted it too 🫶✨️
30. are you messy or organised?
mostly organized
31. how many tabs do you have open right now?
34 right now ♡ last week the number reached 80
32. any hobbies?
writing, reading, journaling
33. any pet peeves
i hate it when ppl talk to me in a way that they are demeaning me. homophobes and ppl who don't respect other person's culture, religion, ethenicity, etc. also irks me a lot
34. do you trust easily?
yeah 😔
35. are you an open book or do you have walls up?
according to my sister, I'm the most obvious person on this planet
36. share a secret
I think I'm bi
37. fave song at the moment?
coney island by taylor swift ft. the national
38. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?
Dhruv Rathee, he is so brave and speaks the facts about the current situation in thr country. logical and presents his view without applying any bias biasness
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Pls ignore if this bothers you but how do you know if self shipping is healthy or not? I have always used it to cope but I also get told by people that it's unhealthy to want to love characters since they're fictional. I've always admired you and how dedicated you are to the characters you love, you don't act like anything holds you back, and I wish I could do that. I envy you sometimes. I've printed your art, I hope you don't mind. It brings me comfort when I feel down on myself like this.
Hey babe, first off, it's all good. I'm never bothered by kind and well-intentioned asks such as this ❤
I'll answer your ask in reverse; I don't mind that you've printed my art, in fact I am very very very flattered!!!! Most of my artwork is really made just for myself (hence the self insert, haha) I'm assuming you're printing my old fanart or perhaps even my current Ken pieces - or even if you are printing my self insert for whatever reason that may be, I still think that's flattering. I have a love/hate relationship with my work, and I fell out of the habit of drawing for almost a year and I didn't pick it back up again until a little over a month ago, so I am glad you have an appreciation for the things that I create. This helps me feel motivated to create more! And I'm happy that I can be a part of your life in some small way.
As for your envy, I think that's unnecessary. You can be just as dedicated as me, possibly even more so, because I've actually had some really fucked up shit holding me back from self shipping for almost a year now (long story) and I am just now starting to dip my toes back into it, and I am still afraid, I am still unlearning the instilled reaction to fear the very characters that used to comfort me. It will take me a long time and it hurts so, so, so badly every single day. But even before I had That Fear holding me back, there was still nothing to envy about me. Something you aren't noticing within yourself is possibly the very thing you observe in me, someone you don't know. I gently ask, rhetorically, what is it about myself and my connection to characters that you value so highly? And what stops you from cultivating that within yourself? It must be already inside of you for you to value it. You are someone who is just as worthy of love as I am, after all!
To answer your actual question... no, I do not feel as if anyone having interest in fictional characters is unhealthy, to an extent. Are you preventing yourself from engaging with other things, such as going outside, cooking, cleaning, taking care of yourself physically and emotionally? Are you possessive of these characters to the point that it leads to destructive behavior, to yourself or others? Do you imagine these characters to genuinely treat you with kindness, or do you use them as a weapon to heighten your insecurities (telling yourself repeatedly that they wouldn't love you or find you attractive, writing them to be violent towards you or uncharacteristically aggressive as a way of punishing yourself or feeding negative thoughts about yourself, etc)? If the answer is no to all of these, then I don't see any issues.
I have always felt that self shipping, or really even just enjoying a character without the additional step to self ship, is always worthwhile to me because I find the exploration of my relationships with these characters to be invigorating, whether it's me genuinely writing myself to be IN a relationship with them or if it's me simply interacting with their source material and not even diving deeper into the world or placing myself inside of it. Sharing artwork also gives a sense of community even if I don't actively engage with fandom/the self ship community, having this blog and answering asks and connecting with friends over shared joy of characters is a healthy thing. I've made some meaningful friendships online and almost all of them are because I've bonded with others about favorite characters. Some ppl may find it unhealthy if they're actively choosing to be malicious. I can promise you most people see "this person has a crush on a fictional character" as kind of standard since the early 2000s lol. And online ppl especially aren't seeing all of you, so why should their opinion of you rly matter in the first place? Let's say, for example... my blog... if someone went through every single one of my posts (and there's 30,000+ posts, I believe) they'd still only see the smallest fraction of myself as a person and their judgement of me would be completely invalid - and tbh nobody among us would ever seem "healthy" if they're only viewing a single aspect of ourselves anyways. Nobody else except ppl within my physical social circle see my day to day life. This blog is literally just a blip of myself.
When people see behavior that is unlike their own, it's easy for them to assign negative labels to it. Behaving "outside of the norm" is already considered negative by default in this world we live in. It sucks! And there are certainly some ppl who don't self ship who probably take one look at my blog and make a quick judgement about it, possibly thinking I might not have a grip on reality or something. But most people don't make that immediate assumption unless if they're just looking to be hateful, and even if it this was everyone's reaction (it's not, I promise you people are way less judgmental about self shipping than you think), it shouldn't stop you from letting yourself have fun. I love drawing characters holding my hand! I love imagining them standing next to me when I'm doing something that I'm nervous about, like I hate working with fire/intense heat so I hate using the oven but I have to do it if I want to bake myself a cake, and nobody else is gonna do it for me, so I imagine someone who bakes/cooks often like Prince Gumball or Deckard Wizard standing next to me and smiling warmly and telling me he's rly proud of me for taking something out of the oven, even if I'm shaky while doing it. I love wearing bracelets and earrings and rings and necklaces and imagining that my F/Os gave these trinkets to me, or that I'd give these trinkets to them. I love baking and decorating little cakes and treating myself to little gifts for my anniversaries, and I have so many opportunities to celebrate loving myself because I have so, so, so many F/Os who love me. We breathe life into these characters when we create these stories with them, we manifest them in our own way and we all do it differently because none of us are exactly the same. It's like we all leave our own unique one-of-a-king fingerprint on a character...
...and isn't that beautiful? Isn't that a feeling you should celebrate? Why hold yourself back? People will always dislike what you do, people will always judge you regardless of what you do. You can paint a picture of a butterfly, post it, and most people will enjoy it, but there are some people who would want you dead for it, people who have nothing but violence in their hearts. People will hate you for no reason other than the fact that they can, regardless of what you're doing. It's an unfortunate part of life, but also a bit freeing to know that since it'll happen regardless, is there really anything stopping you from doing what brings you joy, besides your own fear of what people think of you? People who you'll never meet, people who do not hold any value to you whatsoever?
Anyway, the only way I see self shipping as unhealthy is if it is negatively impacting your life, then in that case something would definitely need to change. I'd listen to your own mind/feelings rather than taking my word for it, because ofc I don't know how you're self shipping -- you say that people are telling you it's unhealthy "because they're fictional", if that's the only reason, well... that's not unhealthy. That's the point of self shipping... they're fictional sdflkjsdf they are literally called Fictional Others. Anyone who assumes you aren't in your right mind because you want to imagine yourself or an OC holding hands with a canon character, well... it says a lot more about them as a person than it says about you, I can promise you that.
If your worries circle more around how you're perceived, ask yourself, how badly do you want to break free of that? Is constricting yourself worth it? My tone is gentle here, is it really genuinely worth it to hold yourself back? I think the most freeing thing I've ever done was go all out with my self shipping. I'm drawing it, writing it, I'm making animatics to love songs, I'm buying voice clips from voice actors asking for them to have the character say "I love you" and then I'm recording myself saying "I love you too" and shoving those audio clips into a video and storyboarding me and that character to that audio and playing it back and adding romantic music and sound effects and god it's so freeing. It's so freeing. Fitting yourself to a perceived "normalcy" is not worth it for me. Ask yourself if it's worth it, for you. Again, a gentle, genuine, soft-toned rhetorical question: is your mood improved when you're fitting yourself in a box rather than freely expressing yourself? Because ultimately, self shipping is for you. Just you.
You can also always start small, if this is something you really want to do. You don't have to make a blog full of self ship tags and art and writing and screenshots and gushing. You don't have to go big. You can take baby steps, if you want. Have a sketchbook dedicated to doodles of you and your F/O (and if you don't usually draw... do it anyway. Make stick figures. Drawing feels good.) Write little blurbs of you and your F/O doing something nice together, however big or small. Write 5 sentences in a notebook where you're holding hands and walking down a sidewalk and they stop to pick a flower for you just to see you smile. Do this for yourself.
I wish good things for you anon, I hope you don't mind i rambled a bit there but self shipping is something I'm very passionate about and it saddened me to read how you "feel down on yourself" as you phrased it. I'm glad my art can bring you some comfort, I hope it continues to do so. Thank you for reaching out to me ❤
#anonymous#asks#if your fear of how others perceive you is the only thing stopping you#then by all means. overcome it. whats that quote? 'im scared' 'then do it scared'#i would give ANYTHING to self ship with starscream and bumblebee and 50 billion other robots again#ANYTHING#i lost such a vital part of my own heart. due to something i cannot control#but fearing what others think of you IS something you can unlearn and control#it takes time! it wont be overnight! but i believe in you!!! and you can do it!!!#anon. you see something in me that you already have within yourself!! its there!!!#you have your own burning star in your heart and its bright and shining!!!#now take it out of its lantern!!! let it go nova!!!
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i mean, elaine was also there when that women committed suicide. and obviously jada is affected the most by her mother’s death (and not preventing that other women’s death), but they all saw her mom die in a car crash at a very young age iirc. now, i know this is a story where we have characters who see dead ppl all the time, but like damn.
i get what anon meant kinda, so don’t wanna claim they said that in bad faith. nor do a wanna pit the gangs traumas against each other. but also idk the phrasing “she doesn’t have anything bad going on” is weird/lacks depth to me; yes elaine is the most immature and she’s been through less, but also she’s still impacted like everyone else from the shit she’s been through. if anything i’d argue she’s partly like that not from innocence but because of trauma.
like part of her and stevie’s friendship is built on the trauma that they probably feel like no one else will understand besides the 4 of them. so while i don’t agree with her, i understand why she said stevie is her problem.
and i’m saying this a someone whose least favorite character in the gang is probably elaine, and who agreed with austin through 90% of that argument until the end. also, i repeat, i’m not trying to bicker with anon as a fellow frozen pines enjoyer 🤝 i hope i didn’t misread yours or anon’s points.
tldr; idrc that that anon doesn’t like elaine, but yeah their reasoning could’ve been way better (also u don’t have to post this if u rather move on from the convo)
okay yeah i have to answer this because i 100% agree. me when i have no trauma 🤪
originally i had written a paragraph about how the bar for being considered "traumatized" in frozen pines is extremely high by comparison, so even though she isn't being re-traumatized every day, she's still been through hardships. if we plopped her in an ordinary teen story, elaine might actually be the one who has seen the most shit. but i erased it because.. idk. it feels icky to say that there's a certain amount of trauma a person must experience before they're allowed to act a certain way / be forgiven for the way they act. but let's talk about it, because you're exactly right that part of the way elaine acts is a trauma response.
there was a huge time skip after aileen died, so we don't know exactly how elaine dealt with the aftermath, but we do know this:
elaine's only goal was to cheer jada up, so she didn't get into her own feelings about aileen's death, she just wanted jada to know that she's not the only one haunted by the memory. their friend group is bonded by this memory that no one else understands – hell, even the girls don't understand what happened that day. only asa knows the truth. so they're bonded in uncertainty too.
when austin fails to show up to a date on time, elaine thinks: "What if he got in an accident? Did he forget his seatbelt again? Oh, God, I told him! He’s dying in a ditch somewhere and I’m sitting here all annoyed at him!" and when she visits austin's house for the first time, she realizes he lives right next to the train tracks where aileen died, and thinks, "I wish he didn’t live so close to the train…" (btw he lives VERY close to the train, so elaine has to hear it outside his window every time she spends the night)
it's been years, but aileen's death is still at the forefront of elaine's mind. it also shows that she turns that trauma into worry for other people. we've never seen her worry about her own safety in this way, even after she starts driving.
after she witnesses the woman die from jumping off the bridge, austin gives her a bunch of advice for how to survive a big fall, which comforts her a lot, but she's horrified to learn that austin has also jumped off that bridge for fun. it's one of the only times we've seen her be truly pissed off, and it's because the fear of losing austin in that way terrifies her. she can't believe he's being so casual about it (and cocky, honestly. he says: "It was sick. I didn't break anything. [...] You could do it too if you practiced.") again, elaine doesn't find it distressing to imagine herself in a dangerous situation, but as soon as she imagines someone she cares about doing it, she panics.
no doubt about it, elaine lacks awareness when talking about gruesome deaths with other people. while stevie makes jokes about her trauma, jada avoids the subject like the plague, asa channels his trauma into helping ghosts... elaine overshares and downplays death. she's interested in true crime because she's already seen the horrors of death and now she just wants to understand the why and how of it (she even says: "Death isn't so scary when you understand the science behind it.") she doesn't believe in religion, she's not spiritual, and she doesn't believe in ghosts. all she can do is cling onto the physical effects of dying and everything that she can learn from it. the way she's able to cope with the things she's seen is by treating it like something that happened to someone else, far away from her. can this be insensitive? yes, absolutely. but this is something she can definitely learn from and change. again, she's only 17... she's gonna have some wacky views about mortality.
so that's what we know so far about elaine's trauma and how it changes her behavior. but without spoiling anything.... in a short time, you're about to see the effects of her trauma in a big way, so it's good to put this out as a refresher!
#ily anon this was very well said#sorry to always be analyzing my own story lmaooo it's just because i can think of all these scenes off the top of my head#because my memory may be bad in literally every other scenario but when it comes to my story it's downright photographic#asks#anonymous#nonsims#brandi answers#death tw#suicide tw
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So to give to a little context first. I have a friend whom I met from my old online school. We have a enemies dynamic. We've each other for 2 years now. When we first met I was the one who talked the most, which he used to see as "annoying". Ever since I left the online school and became busy with my new irl school, I started messaging him less and when I do, he acts more and more nicer and chill than before. To the point he stared flirting with me but I always brushed it off as I also flirt with everybody. Did I forget to mention we are the complete opposite of each other. He's extremely introverted online while I'm literally just putting out my phone number for everyone to see. Irl tho I'm introverted and scared of people unlike him who suddenly has the ultimate rizz and getting into fights with other boys.
One time he messaged me while putting on his just as he got out if the shower. Lemme tell you I was dense af back then. He literally asked for shampoo recommendations. I didn't know anything about men's hygiene so I told him to use a flower scented shampoo. He left for 15mins which I thought was because he was drying his hair. No he was running to the store. He asked for which shampoo brand I use. I didn't want him to know that much about me so I said any sakura scented one.
Another time was when we were talking about a game we like and he thought about cosplaying the character I liked and I thought of it as just some teasing between friends and went along with it by saying I prefer the female characters.
I'm always questioning my sexuality so I'm always joking around that I'm gay and I think that's the reason why he hasn't been straight forward.
He started his own irl school last week and a girl kept looking back and forth at him and when he was about to go home she stopped him saying he could always ask her for help about studies and the school.
And again with a different girl but this time is his deskmate. Apparently every single girl he has met had asked him if he has a gf to which he responded with "not ur business" and I already knew something wasn't right at this point because I have seen his face before and he is mid. Sure ig some girls r into tall boys but he's a freaking emo.
And did I tell you about my suspicion about his deskmate not even being a real girl because the Coincidences if them being neighbors and having way too much in common is too suspicious. Did I also mention "her" personality is completely unreal. She says she's "not like the other girls" and HE him out of all people fricking agreed
And his description of her sounds exactly like me. Short wolfcut, gets mistaken as a boy, kinda tall. Even her behavior is like mine, Just randomly zoning out. And the last thing that completely threw me off guard was her grades. She's the Top of the class. I'm literally part of the student council.
But then I wanted to meet her too if she was comfortable with it but y know what he said.
Idk I can
He thinks I might accidentally hurt her feelings. He has known me for nearly 3 years.
And his response to me was
"Didnt mean it but since she has many mental issues and tried to suicide her self because of got bullied and mocked,i just don't want to makes her feel bad and depressed"
I relate to her so now im always telling him to protect her even if her stories might be worse than mine.
But now that I'm rethinking about it
I think he's lying to me
I heard getting advice from random strangers on the internet is better than getting actual help /j
I actually really like him and I don't have the courage to confront him directly about it
There's a very high chance I'm just being delusional and should continue being some wingman
But I don't have any other friends to tell this and I really need to get it off my chest and get other ppls opinions so I hoped I didn't make too many Grammer mistakes
don't worry about making grammar mistakes it's totally ok
u should subtly try to egg him on for answers
like asking what's Ur ideal type, what would u do if u date me, do u think we'll be more than just friends etc
if he hints that he does like u maybe u can shoot your shot lol haha, and don't be disheartened if he rejects u, there's plenty of fish in the sea :3
imo u probably have a good chance of getting that because he probably likes you ++ no guy I've seen would do such things for someone they just call a friend :)
I hope everything goes well for you bae and all the best
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the way corey just doesn’t publicly acknowledge colby’s cancer whatsoever. he was just live on tiktok(i don’t follow him it was just recommended to me on my fyp) so he obviously is on social media
jake said on twitter that he misses snc and he has been supporting colby since he first announced his cancer. he was shady a few times but he still supported his once dear friend when that friend needed it the most which is more than some people (ex snc friends) are doing.
it actually blows my mind that some people really are just not acknowledging it at all. like corey ffs lived with snc for years and they were friends for what feels like forever. if my once good friend got cancer i would most definitely support them. even if that friendship breakup didn’t end amicably. life is too damn short to be so cold. and i don’t wanna hear that corey could be supporting him in private bc they’re both influencers and it has a lot of people under the impression that they’re not friends anymore, not even a little, and that corey doesn’t care
i used to miss the traphouse days and corey’s addition to the videos but now i think both sam and especially colby are better off without him. jake seems to be coming around a lil
part of me wonders if corey’s lack of support has something to do with how good of friends he is with l10
yeah, i'll be honest; i thought after a couple months back when colby, corey, and jake were seen at the same concert, i thought that maybe the hatchet got buried even slightly and while corey still didn't say anything back then about supporting colby, i thought "you know what, maybe he said it in person."
but with this go around, and colby starting chemo, and corey still not saying anything…. he's absolutely trash to me. and so is any of snc's old friends that haven't said anything.
and i truly do not want to hear "oh they probably said something behind the scenes" bc that's bullshit. that's a cop out answer. it takes two seconds to just comment a heart or even "you got this". no one is asking for you guys to become best friends again. you are a social media person and have been for years. everyone is watching you and waiting for you to say something.
and that's the thing that upsets me. i get they aren't close anymore. that's fine. friends drift apart, it is what it is. but corey, bffr. you wouldn't have a career if it weren't for snc. you would have died out with vine when you stopped dancing. you couldn't even keep up making dumb vlogs when you lived in the trap house. the only reason you remained relevant was bc of snc and the videos they allowed you to be in. and now, when sending just an ounce of love colby's way would be the right thing to do, regardless of whatever fallout yall had, you can't even do that? you're a piece of shit. there's no other way around it.
i'm not close to any of my old friends, but if any of them ever said they had cancer i would reach out and send them love. even my ex best friend, who i've basically blocked on everything. i would still reach out and let her know i'm here if she needs anything. bc ppl need support when they're at their lowest, when they're sick. but you not being able to even pretend to care is fucked.
and while i do think it's easy to blame elton on this to some degree, i don't think so. corey himself said he's a grown man, he should act like one then. make your own decisions. if elton kicks you to the curb bc you reached out to an old friend bc he's going thru cancer treatment, then elton is a terrible person and doesn't deserve any success.
elton's also a piece of shit for not reaching out. but at the same time i expected that of him.
#ask#personal#corey scherer#elton castee#and i don't want to hear a single person try to defend them#fuck you and them too then
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and 25. 🔥
sorry this is going to get mean
1. the character everyone gets wrong
where to start lmfao! to be fair i do think it's difficult with TES as the characters are so thin to begin with that there's naturally going to be greater scope for interpretation, but i'm just going to answer this question with the assumption that my opinions are objectively correct <3
some of the worst i think are delphine, astrid, nazir, martin (!), lucien, and cicero, big names in fandom and usually from either the main or dark brotherhood questlines (the DB by its nature tends to attract the annoying edgelords. some very cool people also, but you know what i mean... welcome to my twisted mind etc)
without repeating what has been said already by others, a more minor NPC who i feel gets misinterpreted a lot is muiri. she's not portrayed very often but when she is, fans lean too hard into the idea that she has this bloodthirsty, sinister side to her without taking the time to explore WHY someone who seems so meek and unassertive on the outside could be driven to doing what she does. muiri always struck me as someone a little young and a little foolish who hasn't really thought about her actions and is acting out of desperation. the more interesting depictions of her explore her darker tendencies with a subtler hand and take her character as a whole without isolating one trait from the rest.
25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing
not sure whether this counts as 'common' but there's been a popular post circulating recently and it has the endorsement of some well-known blogs so i'm going to treat it as if it is. essentially the post was claiming that TES fans are guilty of ignoring parts of canon they don't like, including any and all attempts at 'grey morality', with an end product that is sanitised and lacking in nuance.
i had no idea who this post was actually aimed at but it seemed to me a classic case of ppl talking past each other about two different things. the only aspects of canon i see ppl regularly opting to discard are the bits that clearly reflect some gross attitude on the part of the writers, e.g. divayth fyr's daughters, racial phylogeny etc. people complaining about the poorly handled treatment of racism, war etc in a doyleist sense =/= people wanting to remove those parts of the lore from canon in the watsonian sense. i think it's disingenuous to treat ppl rightfully discussing the often insensitive writing as people wanting a more clear cut 'good/evil' dichotomy bc that isn't the case at all. if anything those who are the most critical tend also to be the most in favour of exploring these themes in greater depth.
nuance is good and all but one group seems to be saying "this attempt at nuance is actually ham-fisted and clumsy and not very nuanced at all" and the other is responding by saying "don't take away my nuance!!!!111!!1!!!"
but that's just my onion x
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Something I find pretty annoying with how L'Manberg stans treat c!Niki is thay they are either one step away from diagnosing her with female hysteria like you said for no longer being c!Wilbur's most loyal person or they just refuse to ignore those aspects of her
Like in the jailbreak stream I saw some people mentioning how out of character it is for her to have helped the Syndicate break c!Dream out and I was so confused because like first of all she wasn't helping break c!Dream out she was helping break c!Ranboo out you know her friend that to her knowledge hasn't done anything wrong and it's yet again being mistreated by another system something she would emphasize with by the way the systems in L'Manberg always treated her
But also just acting like it's completely out of character for her to do that and like the syndicate don't actually respect or even like each other even when told that c!Techno asked them for their help he didn't demand it the answer is still either she's just too lonely to ever be able to say no and she's with them because they are the only people she knows which then why doesn't she go live with them like c!Ranboo did everybody would welcome her just fine but c!Niki literally has her anarchist city because it's part of her beliefs and hell c!Niki literally moved servers
Or instead of the loneliness thing it's seen as a straight up out of character decision
Like I really wonder if they think that any character not acting exactly the same as when they first joined the server is being out of character instead of you know having gone through a lot of character development
(Tho, I guess with the way they treat c!Philza they do lol)
I just find it kinda even disrespectful at some point to keep insisting that cc!Niki is acting and writing her own character wrong just because you don't like that she's no longer on L'Manberg's or even just c!Wilbur's best side
ANON. ANON YOU GET ME. When I talk about L'Manburgians having weird projections for the narrative this is exactly what I mean. They keep expecting c!Niki to admit that the Syndicate is bad for her and to start endlessly reminiscing about how great L'Manburg was and it's just not happening!! Because ppl projecting their dislike of the Syndicate onto a 'traitor' of L'Manburg isn't going to suddenly make her dislike the Syndicate too. They keep having all these expectations for the narrative that aren't fulfilled and instead of realizing they're wrong about the character and the story they decide to call it bad writing like 😭 no you're just wrong lmao.
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mandatory commentary on a1-p5
when it comes to vara we know she absorbed anthonys personality and nemories but the degree of this is never addressed, so theres no knowing how much "anthony" is vara, that makes it a little vague to analyze her words bcuz we dont know if its "her" talking or her anthony parts (then again the distinction might not matter). the introject-coded nature of the relationship did not go unnoticed
so in this chapter vara does say she only sees jacques once a year, which means that annotations are usually p rare (especially assuming its not the same marginal that gets annotated every year, so maybe marginals only get routine annotations after several years). one thing she mentions is conspiring against media, which might give more clues to the nature of jacques and anthonys relationship, at least i think what vara meant is that she has memories of jacques and anthony conspiring against media
for anthony this makes sense if he had visions that influenced his actions seeking jacques out and involving him in his plans might be self fulfilled prophecies. idk what jacques would have gotten out of this tho, and his denial that this happened can mean vara is just intentionally riling him up
ofc on that vein, varas purpose is involving the marginals existence so i wonder if her trying to get in the way of meja is like her own way of trying to protect media from smthg she knows abt jacques, but that she can only express in an anthony-ish way. idk. rly vara is so mean in a way designed to annoy ppl the sincerity of her words is hard to think abt
tbt lol
this is smthng very 🤨, so we know bread gets the star toy from the alt timeline, which has nothing to do w/ curator. i understand jacques would have no way of knowing the specific events bread saw and bread probably didnt contest it either bcuz most likely she doesnt know who these ppl r shef have no way of knowing theres an inconsistency. but it does open up the question of why the alt timeline (or maybe a memory of it?) is in curators memories anyway 🤨
the "main" part of the update imo is media and vara talking. first thing i noticed is that media is definitely meaner when jacques isnt around. not only by his impatient demeanor around vara, but even in his open admission to he finds other marginals disgusting. ofc, this may not be exclusive to media (vara seems to suggest, marginals looking down on each other for dying in ways deemed not as "noble" is common) but still, its different from the more proper and affectionate media we see around jacques.
... That is not reflective of my Sense of Ethics, and I would never want to "torture" the Object of my veneration.
media consistently expresses his affection for jacques w/o jacques watching, first by talking about him positively in the radio, and now w/ this. i mean it was obvious he likes jacques ofc but it does point to his feelings being genuine instead of an act he only puts up around jacques
ofc varas answer does strongly imply that media might genuinely care for jacques bit that he still wants to torture him lol. i think the only mystery here is whether his thoughts of harming jacques r intrusive or a sadistic feeling he tries to surpress
the rest of their convo also shows vara and media r so interconnected they r practically "the same person" and interestingly they both refer to themselves as the creator of the other. probs related to the recursion theme that they simultaneously are each others creator and creation, and expands on their relationship from i1 where it looked more like vara was "only" a creation
(also, that reminds me too, i1 vara might be a "pure" vara w/o absorbed judges, and we can see how much more formal she is than anthony-vara)
[ Yikes, no need to get so testy. It's not my fault your AUTOMATICALLY CENSORED BY PROFANITY FILTER boyfriend would rather choke on a dead human's dick. Maybe you just don't fuck as good, Bendy. ]
its canon ur honor. jacthony fucked
alright so this is just straight up fucked idk what it means.
the link leads to a story that is likely marys backstory, where shes described as an artist whose job was to make works of art that replace the missing. things going "missing" is described as smthng very surreal, where it looks like spacetime becomes distorted? most likely has smthng to do w/ the apocalypse, especially if curator died by "architectural thinning" the architecture beign the "rules" of how things exist then thinning might look like things going "missing" because the rules of their existence gradually disappeared.
ofc whats rly ??? here is media as the herald of the apocalypse. like 🤨🤨🤨 idek what to make of that but its worth noting too that the radio was the last form of media in curators world too
the song choice is... smthng. rpp music taste is eclectic asf /pos
the lyrics given r a translation of the song, as a tagalog speaker theyre pretty much accurate, the english lyrics just seem to have more words but i think lots of changes had to be made to fit the rhythm bcuz tagalog words r longer than english ones. heres my literal translation of the lyrics for reference:
the wind has a song, conducting, whistling
its whispering to me, going backwards, chasing
and if you join in the tune, you can't even sing it
maybe it really is a crazy melody, this song inside my head
the wind has a poem, shouting, humming
the same tempo as the stars blinking, dancing, rolling
but if the heart tries to join, you can't catch the tone
maybe this really is how to love, singing like an insane person
spinning, circling, feelings that can't be placed
my heart is flying with the song i have (x2)
what is this thats happened to me? stuttering, stuttering (idk nauutal and nabubulol just mean the same thing)
forcing myself to sing but my tongues in knots
but if the mind tries to join, you really just cant catch it
maybe this really is the love that i forced into turning into a song
(rest of the lyrics just repeat)
ive said this before but i rly like how rpp writes translyrics bcuz of how well they both rhyme and fit in the rhythm, and in this case its also a rly good translation overall that conveys the same idea. its actually impressive how even the words in the middle of the lines rhyme imo
anyway, one thing i noticed, gui actually pointed out b4 that pavlovian love was formatted like a "performance", w/ the intro of characters and then a song, at least its definitely distinct from anything in breadavota b4 i1-p5rd
and if this is meant to be the beginning of a "manual annotation" then that might imply that whatever sar did to bien was an annotation or smthng annotation-like
thoughts 2 think
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I'd like a Match Up if you wanna! .o. Preferably for Rise but I'm familiar with every TMNT verse starting at '03 and forward if u thought of any others.
I'm just a gay/demisexual (a guy match plz!) demiguy (he/they) who's kinda short(?) I'm 5'5" at most but I haven't checked in a few years ngl. Appearance wise I shift between pastel or alt stuff is all.
I'm an ENTP and 9w1! I have a lot of trouble properly expressing or understanding emotions due to my Autism but I try to battle that by being blunt and asking questions! I'm also constantly stuck battling between people pleasing and my anger issues that make me wanna snap. To kinda combat that my anger is now p much pointed at myself so I don't hurt anyone or their feelings. But I'm trying to better myself with the "Do No Harm but Take No Shit" mindset. I generally make myself do my usual "im the funny friend" routine, but that lead to a lot of ppl assuming I'm stupid, so I'm trying to find a balance between that and showing other sides of myself :') I show my love through Physical Touch and Acts of Service! And I think I respond well to all Love Languages? Except I can be bad at accepting gifts bc of a dumb inner voice going "Oh so u manipulated them I to giving u smth" ...oop. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ahh I really like Animation, Horror, and Comedy shows/movies, especially analyzing them. I kind of want kids in the future? I'd be more willing if I trusted my partner with my Lows (hopefully they trust me with theirs too ofc) or if I could skip the baby part tbh. I really enjoy baking, reading, and video games, but I like physical activities when there's a sort of clear goal? Like playing Volleyball or Soccer, but not just a general run or jog. But I'd love to travel the world in moderation too, I just want to make sure there's always a great place to come back to.
In my platonic and romantic relationships I can be frustrating bc I tend to bottle stuff up so I don't bother anyone. If I felt comfy enough and knew I didn't have to worry about my Big Fear(tm) of Abandonment then I would slowly get better at talking about things. I'm also really forgetful when it comes to my own things, like forgetting to eat, drink, or sleep or if there was anything I needed/wanted to do.. I think the only pet peeves I have is if I feel Not Heard or listened to? Or just Disregarded? I've been told with how I analyze situations but focus on emotions help others when they're in their worst moments? Like helping calm my little brother down from when angry or helping my mom or friends out of their depressive moments.
Thank you for your time! <3
hi there! sure thing <3 ill go towards rottmnt cuz it has literally consumed 70% of my brain lately lmao
i match you with...
Mikey!
Honestly i can see both of you helping each other out into maturing and personal growth, Mikey knows he's clever and also still learning along the way, don't even consider yourself a bother into asking him questions cuz he loves to answer them, and if he doesn't know something, he can just asks his brothers!
Dr. Feelings make frequent visits in your hangouts, he constantly reminds you to unwind and has relaxing exercises if he notices you are bottling too much, and if someone ever tries to take advantage of your "people pleasing taste" Doctor Delicate Touch will also show up to yell tell the person to bug off
he understands the feeling of only being seen in "one light"- all mikey's (i mean in any version) suffer from youngest sibling syndrome - struggling with not being taken seriously, so he does gives you extra attention in everything you say, do, your feelings, thoughts, and if you mean business, so does he.
Honestly for Rottmnt Mikey i think he enjoys all love languages as well lmao, his top 3 are def words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time, he loves gifting you stuff as well, but if you ever mention those "oh i manipulated them into giving me these" thoughts he will fight /argue with you, like, every-time. He doesn't really get it, he tries to be as gentle as possible with your feelings, but on this topic things might escalate, he really likes you and wants to show it as well!
he ADORES that you like animation and horror too!! i headcanon that later on Mikey becomes a fan of horror/thriller movies and video games, everyone @ the lair gets scared to watch/play with him so he's more than thrilled to play and hangout with you, Mikey never really thought much about volley or soccer, but after meeting you he gets so addicted to it, even start to watch volleyball matches (specially woman league cuz they are the best mwah mwah chef kiss)
Mikey knows its hard for you to open up, so when you finally feel comfortable to, all eyes and ears on you, you are the main priority at the moment. He begins to notice you sometimes go non-verbal lke his brother Donnie (Canonically diagnosed with autism) so he knows how what to do to make you feel better or more comfortable depending on the situation
overall: your relationship is compassionate, full with hugs, kisses, snuggles (he loves to shower you with affection fr fr) and loads of fun dates! lucky you!
hope you liked it! match ups are closed for now
#finally had some free time to do one hehe#maybe later today will post more!!!!!#rottmnt#rottmnt x reader#rottmnt michelangelo#rottmnt fandom#tmnt match up#rottmnt match up#giulia writes
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Just saw your post about b/ler and their stans hating on everyone and I have to agree.
Like, I don't mind discussing little theories, but the way they go about things it's super annoying. Like the whole blue meets yellow in the west shit like that was a thing for scoops. idk why you make it about b/ler. Or saying Mike dressed up in yellow at the airport for Will when El's favorite color is also yellow. When they complain about other characters having screentime, I have to laugh because they manage to make anything about that ship anyway, so it shouldn't matter so much in the end. They act like this ship is the foundation of the show when Will is barely a real character because he doesn't even have a personality other than the gay kid who disappeared. And the fandom hardly develops his character because his relationship with Mike is the only thing they talk about. (And before ppl complain, other characters are underdeveloped as well, but I don't put them on a pedestal and call them the main character of the show like they do with Will)
Their treatment of El in all of this is the most upsetting part. Similar to Steve, she isn't allowed to be hurt or upset if others do something (aka r/nance, b/ler). Like they should all be super supportive allys, and if they are upset, they are deemed as homophobic or terrible friends.
I think the saddest part what i've read about b/ler was people insisting that Mike never loved El and had always feelings for Will, which is so cruel? In general, making m/leven important to Mike is not a thing in the b/ler fandom because they don't want Mike to be bi, which idk what the problem is with that. I just think they are scared that Mike is still interested in girls is threatening their ship or whatever.
Anyway, what I also hate when discussing b/ler is that they simply make El a lesbian in order so she doesn't feel bad instead of letting her deal with complicated feelings. Like in s4, Mike's inability to say he loves her clearly upsets El, meaning she does have feelings for Mike that are beyond a friendship level. It's also weird that they take away El's agency and reduce her to this abused child who doesn't know about anything so she shouldn't be in a relationship because she can't know what love is. (Ignoring s2 and her learning throughout the tv about the world and feelings and making her own decision regarding that part.) If we go that route non of the kids should know about love bc they are all traumatised and fucking 14 lol. And then they break up lumax so Max and El are together and everyone is happy? (Forgetting about Lucas) Also, idk crossdating within a friend group is so messy, but people just take the complicated parts out.
Also, what I found not discussed enough is the Will and El relationship. Like yes, Will likes Mike, but El is his sister. He also loves her. And tbh I think he would have reservations about dating his sisters ex-boyfriend because he cares about her. Maybe El gives them their blessing, but Will would know that she's hurting, so he might not follow through because he values the sibling bond with El more.
In general, I hate when there are ships that have to be so clean and liked by every character that is around. They don't exist in a vaccum, other people esp those who have close relationships with the people in those ships (ex-partners, best friends, siblings etc) might have negative reactions to it which is fine. That doesn’t mean they are homophobic it means they feel betrayed by a friend or sibling who dates their ex they loved for a very long time.
I like the theory of b/ler, but people take out the complexities that come with the ship. And then when you point them out, you're the worst person on earth, and your fave deserves to die. (esp Steve)
(Sorry, this is long. You don't have to answer. I just needed to vent a bit)
oh my gosh, no worries at all about this being on the longer side of asks! i don't mind at all and actually really like talking about this stuff and you brought up so many good points! since this is longer, though, i'm gonna put my thoughts under the cut <3
firstly, the theories CAN be fun. emphasis on can because they aren't anymore. b/lers make it clear that you pretty much have to agree with every single point they make, treating every single detail as canon rather than a theory, and it's exhausting. some of the ones i read a while back were genuinely interesting and fun! but when you take away the actual idea of it being a theory and just insist upon it being the truth, then going as far to call other people who don't agree/who are skeptical stupid or homophobic or some other name they come up with, then it makes people not want to interact with you.
i'm gonna be really honest here and say that i think all this stuff about blue and yellow is really ridiculous. i mean, they're quite literally colors. not saying there's no literary meaning to colors, but implying that every time we see blue and yellow in the show is some secret b/ler symbolism is just... so bizarre. (again, this could have been a fun little thing, but they take everything SO seriously and are such negative people that any amount of enjoyment is immediately stripped away just because you can't even have a civil disagreement with them without getting accused of being homophobic or without getting loads of anon hate.)
you said "When they complain about other characters having screentime, I have to laugh because they manage to make anything about that ship anyway, so it shouldn't matter so much in the end." and THANK YOU for wording that so well. this is what i've been trying to say for a while now, but i couldn't word it correctly. b/lers go out and make every single hint of foreshadowing, every single character and their personalities or arcs all about mike and will (because they for some reason are convinced this show is just a massive great love story for the two of them, and to that i have to say that this show has an ensemble cast. the other characters will and SHOULD have their own personalities, arcs, etc, that do NOT tie into b/ler) so why should it be a problem that a character is gaining popularity? if everything really is about b/ler like they claim then it should be no big deal to assume that this completely unrelated character exists entirely for the sake of your ship, right? it's honestly ridiculous.
also, yeah, will is barely even a character. he barely has any screentime that's spent creating his character, despite the fact that i think he's an essential point to the show. he's more of a plotline than a person, and i think blaming anyone other than the duffers for that makes no sense. fictional characters don't write themselves??
as for treatment of el, i made a post forever ago the parallels between steve and el as characters, and i think that goes for here too. they're both essential characters at this point, they're heroes, but even still b/lers treat both of them terribly. with el, it's pushing her to the side, dehumanizing her in a very ableist way, etc, and with steve, its much the same. dehumanizing, pushing him to the side, not allowing either of these characters to have feelings about their best friends/close friends dating their exes, and its just not realistic and its also weird. to enjoy a ship is one thing, but to push it onto everyone else and actively hate on other people who don't like it (which, by the way, you literally do not have to have "valid reason" to dislike a ship. you can just not like/hate it and that should be fine!!!) is immature and exhausting.
interestingly enough, i think b/lers mainly view el and steve the same way - an "overrrated" character, probably some part of why they hate the "general audience"/"fanservice", and, interestingly, i think there's also this idea that they're both basic in some way. like, steve is the "basic" straight white guy (idk why there's anything wrong with that??) and el is either a misinformed, confused lesbian or a pathetic straight girl too and its... so exhausting as well because characters can be queer without having to be mike and will!!! (and in the view of el they can also be queer without breaking up other important ships just for the sake of b/ler??) the amount of times i see people say that people are homophobic for having steve or el as their favorites is just... why? like, going on some kind of homophobia-yelling witch hunt isn't going to make anyone like you or your ship that you're so heavily promoting.
and with mike, i've seen some people (the more tolerable ones, i think) say he's bi while others insist he has no attraction to girls whatsoever, and i don't know, i think people read into it too much just to go and discredit el's relationship with him. if they can go and say, "oh, their relationship wasn't important to mike OR el so now we win!!" then they can convince themselves that b/ler is endgame, everything is happy for them, there are no problems, etc, which, again, is unrealistic. breakups are messy even if both parties were not to feel romantically about the other, and especially when you're gonna go and date someone in your group again. like, i've personally seen situations like that entirely destroy friend groups, time and time again, but let's ignore that for the sake of b/ler!
(also side point that goes along with what you're saying - they're literally 14!! i think so many people forget that since the actors look older or whatever, but like... they're children.)
the will and el relationship is always ignored and never talked about because it doesn't fit in the b/ler agenda (unless they assume that el is a lesbian and therefore doesn't care about will going on to date mike). which honestly is a shame because i love their dynamic but i also would rather not hear thoughts about that from b/lers anyway, but regardless it's a major plothole in their plans that they all just totally ignore because the only solutions to it are severely out of character.
i honestly don't think there's anything wrong with shipping m/leven or b/ler, if you're not insane about it. the b/lers heavily despise people who ship mike and eleven and go on to call them homophobic (are we sensing a trend here?) or whatever else, and i honestly haven't seen enough m/leven shippers here to know what they're doing so i won't put words into their mouth or whatever. either way, there's this general distaste and shunning that happens of anyone who doesn't like b/ler or ships something else and i'm personally so tired of it. i don't ship either of these because i just don't care that much (and also these people ruined it for me) but shipping m/leven does not make you inherently homophobic, and shipping b/ler does not automatically make you annoying in the way that most of them are.
now that i've kinda covered your thoughts, i want to add a few more points of my own that i think of every time this situation arises.
one, i think a large chunk of the toxicity of the b/ler community comes down to the fact that they worship the ground the duffers walk on. and this is a general thing that a lot of people and some of the media do, where they dramatize how good the show is and hype it up to be some untouchable, perfect series, which is far from the truth. they're convinced the duffers are on their side (b/ler endgame) and thus can do no wrong. (also a very weird way to act when they go and hate every other character CREATED by the duffers - but oh no! they didn't do it because they wanted to or because they like other characters too, it's all because of the general audience and how they just fuck everything up!!).
which, this is just setting them all up for failure. no one is getting this perfect dream of an ending, and i think if anyone knows this, it's the steve fans. we are painfully aware of the fact that our fave will either die or will have some shitty ending that none of us want, and b/lers are on the other side of the spectrum where they think everything will end perfectly for them, and you're just setting yourself up for colossal disappointment. every little hidden clue or theory that you've come up with is not going to be true, every bit of "foreshadowing" isn't going to pan out, and that's just a fact. the duffers simply are not as good as these people want to think lol.
secondly, i think the treatment of el and steve is also very similar in the viewing of their love triangles. there's st/ncy vs j/ncy and m/leven vs b/ler, and in both of these situations, everything is always one person's fault when people don't get their way - el and steve. if j/ncy happens and steve's fine with it, then people have to talk about how shitty of a boyfriend he supposedly was. if j/ncy happens and steve's upset, then it's on him for, again, being shitty and "deserving" to be alone. if st/ncy happens then it's steve's fault for having feelings or being a popular character or some other bullshit that makes no sense. and in the case of el, will and mike, it's the same. b/ler happens and el's upset, it's her fault for caring about her boyfriend. b/ler happens and el isn't upset, it's her fault for NOT caring. m/leven happens, then el is primarily the problem because SHE loves mike and cares about mike and "only gets all these things because she is a popular character."
overall, it's just pointing fingers, making excuses, and acting like babies 24/7 until they cry enough to get their way, honestly.
#em speaks#stranger things#asks#dear anons#this could genuinely be an essay what is wrong with me lmao#stranger things fandom crit#stranger things critical#idk the tags for this. i know the ones i SHOULDNT use so im not using them lmao
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