happy thanksgiving, friends

A customer contacted our team with questions, and then finished their email with: "I am daunted by the complexities and unknowns." I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

hoarding bug just checkin out your blog for any good posts to loot

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I just want to keep my job even though I don't know how to make memes. Buy our coffee. We've got holiday gifts for the coffee lover in your life.

Awesome Coffee is different because 1. we source our beans directly from small farmers collectives, 2. it's better and fresher than grocery store coffee, and 3. ALL of our profit goes to fight maternal and child mortality in impoverished communities, whereas almost all other coffee makes rich people richer, which is the dumbest thing that can be done with coffee (or other forms of wealth).

Hey maybe a group of creatives deciding that they want control over their content and don't want to waste time and resources begging for ad revenue is like. A good thing

You!! Hey you!! Are you looking for a pair of kittens? Do you live In Or Near Oklahoma? Do you wish you could listen to purring all the time? Do you want a cat that looks like an aye-aye?

long story short, we found these two kittens at the bottom of a garbage can!! I don't like to think about how they ended up in there- but we heard them crying while on a walk, and it's very lucky they were so loud! They were scared at first, but now they NEED to be snuggled at all times. Crazy how adaptable kittens are. I'd prefer to rehome them as a pair, but I'd consider adopting them out individually if that's my only option! Please IM me if you're interested in both/either of these babies, or if you have any questions at all!!

want a cig, kiddo?

tmnt 2012 au that takes place post series where first leo comes out as transfem and then raph and mikey. then april reveals she’s been transfem this whole time and basically more and more characters start coming out as transfem while donnie, the singular trans guy, grows increasingly bewildered as he becomes the only guy in first his family, then his friend group, etc etc

THIS. THIS HAUNTS ME.

WAIT

ENHANCE

OH

OH NO.

Idk why people think it's funny to buy shit from shien or temu or whatever slavery-corp is popular at the time just to video themselves laughing at the quality of the products. It's badly made because it's unrelentingly shoved through a production line for a few pennies each garment- this isn't fucking "content" and honestly these rich influencers should feel ashamed to openly admit that they're buying from companies that force their workers into slavery conditions.

Don't know if anyone got the versions of the acrylic stands so here they are

I will say, while there are many parts of my job that I would happily toss into the sea, it's very neat to stumble onto people who have been doing their job with truly off-the-charts levels of competence, but---and this is key---without the Higher Ups knowing even a little bit about it. I've met at least three of them in the last week, who definitely have been keeping one of our branches afloat, just by dint of their extraordinary levels of knowing.

Or, alternatively---i have been working at my company for 7 months. I discovered today that the entire company has been keeping a repository of policies and documents, with version control and everything. I thought we had 3-5 policies stuck together with bubblegum and hope, but no, there is a whole database!!!

"I'm surprised your manager didn't...uh. Tell you?" said the very nice man who showed me how to find the database.

"Mhm," I murmured noncommittally, because the alternative was frankly, I'd be shocked if she knew it existed.

to preface this post i am anti-advertising i think we should explode the entire industry but it's sooo funny when you people make posts like "and they don't even work!!" like. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but yes they do. that's why we have to put up with so many despite everyone hating them and thinking its annoying. because they actually work really well and make a shit load of money

Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

lets say hypothetically that i wanted men to die and suffer for all time