Howdy folks, happy Friday!

Lean in close, babes. Closer. Closer- Ok, here's the deal:

I've hinted at the fact and quietly mentioned that I make ✨️adult content✨️ sometimes. In terms of art specifically, unless I've just been missing it entirely, I'm sure whatever nsfw redacted art floating around out there is probably just passed between smaller groups. I wanna post my adult content, though, but I'm a little unsure where / how would be the best! I'd really appreciate some feedback on the safest + most appropriate way to get this content out to all you hungry little creatures /lh 💙

Drop a comment, hmu in DM's with suggestions, whatever! Please and ty!

worship | s.c.

summary: you don’t feel beautiful but changbin shows you just how beautiful you are.

wc: 4.6k

warning: SMUT 18+ (MDNI), tall!chubby!afab!reader, praise kink, body worship, negative self-talk, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap in), oral (read rec), nipple play, aftercare, tried to keep it as gender neutral as possible but written as afab!reader, probably more, read at your own risk.

a/n: minors and ageless blogs DNI. i will be blocking anyone that interacts with this post that is a minor/ageless blog. okayyyy, this is my first smut and i of course had to write it about my favorite boy <3 let me know what you think! anyway, i hope you enjoy! remember to eat, drink water and take your meds, ily <3

my library

(pictures are not mine! credit to owners!)

you weren’t always the most comfortable in your skin growing up. you were taller, and on the chubbier side for as long as you can remember. it always bothered you, you got treated differently from your skinnier friends.

you got stares not only for your height but your weight, you certainly didn’t get approached by boys and if you did they were trying to use you to get to your friends. you got used to it, you got depressed, and got into a really dark place.

but you slowly realized that if no one was gonna love you for you, then you were going to have to. and that’s what you did, you embraced every roll, every curve, every stretch mark. and you loved yourself like no else has. but then you met one seo changbin.

and if you thought no one could love you more, you were very mistaken. he proved to you everyday how much he loved you, every flaw, every strength, every high, every low. his love was truly unconditional.

and as much as he showed you how much he loved you, you were of course going to have your bad days. days where you don’t feel good about yourself, where you want to hide from the world, where you feel so uncomfortable in your own skin you almost wish you could rip it off.

and that’s exactly how you felt today. you laid on your couch in the biggest shirt you had, with an even bigger blanket around you, swallowing you into a fuzzy cocoon.

you were barely watching what was playing on the tv in front of you when you heard the familiar sound of the lock of your front door clicking, signaling it being unlocked. you know exactly who it was, you didn’t even have to move. you knew he was showing up sooner or later to figure out why you hadn’t been acting like yourself.

he had tried to ask but you shut him down every time. you knew he was busy and you didn’t want to burden him with your issues and especially when you knew the feelings would pass sooner or later.

you hear him lock the door once more before taking his shoes off and setting his bag down. he then makes his way into your living room finding you in your cocoon, long legs curled up as much as they could be. you look up at him, big eyes reflecting the forgotten show on your tv.

your eyes follow him as he makes his way, squatting next to your cocoon. he raises a hand, brushing the soft surface of your chubby cheeks, “hi my baby.” he coos, eyes bright, finally getting to see his favorite person. “hi bin.” you mumble, leaning into his warm touch.

“you wanna tell me what’s been going on, hm?” you feel your face heat up, bringing your hands up to cover your face, inherently halting his movements and touch.

“hey, baby, look at me,” he gently grabs your hands, holding them in his. “what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, hm?” you shake your head, feeling all of the emotions you’ve been trying to ignore. “baby i can’t help if you don’t talk to me.” thumbs slowly stroking the back of your hands.

“i just don’t feel beautiful right now, bin.” you whisper, shaking your head. “and i know it’s just my brain being mean but fuck bin, it hurts and i don’t want to believe it but it’s so hard when it’s me.” you’re staring at your connected hands, avoiding the eyes of the man in front of you.

he lets go of one of your hands, gently placing it under your chin to lift your eyes to his. “you gotta tell me when you feel like this, okay?” he pauses. “you are the most beautiful, gorgeous person i’ve ever laid my eyes on.” he places a gentle kiss to your hand.

“will you tell me what’s going through your head so i can prove it wrong?” you think about it for a moment, the one person in your life that always makes you feel loved and seen is asking to show you how much he loves you. and who the hell are you to say no.

“i just,” you pause, moving to sit up, crossing your legs in front of you, binnie’s hands laying on top of them. “i hate that my thighs are so big or that my stomach is pudgy or i’m so fucking tall and i just wish that i loved the way i looked because i fucking hate feeling this way.” you must admit, it did feel good to finally get it off your chest, it however didn’t quiet your brain or the negative thoughts that continued to run rampant through them.

“will you let me show you how gorgeous you are?” he asks, rubbing the exposed skin of your calf. you looked into his eyes once more, finding nothing but love and sincerity. you nod your head slightly, before he moved to his knees before you,

he grabs your cheek once more, bringing you closer before placing his lips on yours. he’s placing gentle strokes on your cheek with his thumb, as his lips move against yours. he eventually starts to move further down, kissing the length of your jaw, down to the sweet spot, just below your ear.

he stays there for a moment, interchanging between kissing and sucking the soft skin, pulling light whimpers from you. “look at you, sounding so pretty for me already.” he praises before placing one last kiss, moving to his feet.

he grabs your hand, pulling you from the couch and your warm cocoon. “if i’m gonna show you, i’m gonna do it right.” he says before picking you up with ease, taking you to your bedroom where he lays you on the bed.

“move to the middle, bunny.” he requests, tapping the side of your thigh. you do as he says, laying in the middle before he moves to hover over you. “look at you, my pretty baby.” he kisses your jaw once more, moving down for the second time. this time he starts placing kisses down your clothed sternum.

once he reaches your belly, he lifts your shirt up, just enough, to expose it to him. he starts placing slow, loving kisses over each roll and curve the soft surface has to offer. “you see this gorgeous tummy? so soft just for me. it holds all of the important things your body needs to keep you with me.” he starts, still placing kisses.

“and hopefully will one day carry our mini me into the world.” your eyes soften, hands finding their way into the soft raven curls that lay atop his head. “you’re gonna make me cry.” you mumble, scratching softly at his scalp. “it’s true though.”

he gives your stomach one last kiss before moving your shirt up once more. this time exposing your bare breasts to him. “and these,” he pauses, bringing his hands up to sofft brush the sides. “god these are so fucking perfect jagi.” he places kisses around each nipple, softly brushing his lips against them.

“the perfect pillows, so soft and the noises you make when i touch them?” he takes a nipple into his mouth, gently sucking it, his tongue flicking the peaked bud. you let out a high pitched moan, tighten the grip on his hair slightly, resulting in a satisfied hum from the man above you.

“so fucking pretty baby.” he says before moving the next bud, gently rolling the previous one between his fingers. repeating the same process, you let out another moan, squeezing your thighs together, feeling the wet spot in your panties getting bigger.

he finally releases your nipple placing a kiss to each one before he leans back. “sit up for a second.” you sit up, allowing him to take the shirt off before he moves you to lean comfortably against the pillows. he places a kiss to the side of your mouth before moving to your shoulder, kissing all the way down your arms, until he reaches you hand entwining your fingers.

“and these arms, that hold me with such love and care.” he kisses your other arm. “and take care of me so well, whenever i need it most.” he places a kiss to each shoulder and each hand before positioning himself between your legs. not before gving your tummy a few extra kisses on the way down.

he starts by kissing your panty line, placing a kiss on the now obvious wet spot. you let a soft sigh before looking down, catching a glimpse of the obvious proud smirk on his pretty face. “ and don’t even get me started on these fucking legs.” he sits back on his heels, grabbing one leg, placing a kiss on the inside of your knee.

“so fucking long, and beautiful, god you have no idea what they do to me.” he grabs the other one, placing a kiss in the same place. “now for my favorite part, your beautiful thighs.” kissing up the inside of them, nipping the skin, right next to where you needed him the most.

“look at them baby, so big and beautiful,” he switches to the other side. “and they way they feel wrapped around my head while i’m making you feel good?” his arms coming up to caress the sides of them. “i could stay like that all day jagiya.” he places one last kiss to each one, before bringing a hand up to gently rub the wet spot on your pink panties.

“and my favorite treat, so ready and so fucking pretty for me as always baby.” he places soft kisses to the wet fabric before sitting up, tapping your hip, signaling you to lift them. he quickly slides them off, throwing them some place in the room before moving back between your plush thighs.

he wraps his arms around your hips, pulling you forward a bit, finally settling there. he brings one hand back around to spread you wet lips. “always ready for me, huh bubs?” he lightly blows, making you whine a bit. “i know baby, i know. i just wanted to look at my pretty baby for a little bit.”

he brings his arms back to rest around your soft thighs before placing a kiss to your inner thigh, slowly making his way to your pussy. placing light kisses to your lips before finally placing a kiss to your bundle of nerves. you whimper at the minimal stimulation, “binnie, please.” you beg, looking down to find that same proud smirk on his face.

“my pretty baby feeling needy?” he teases, still lightly pressing kisses to your clit. you nod, pouting, hoping he’ll cave and give you what you want. “okay jagi, i’m sorry.” he gives your clit one last kiss before licking a stripe from your dripping hole, to your sensitive clit.

your back arches slightly, mouth agape, at the feeling of finally getting the stimulation you’ve been waiting for. your hand finds his raven curls once more as he then fully takes your clit in his mouth, alternating between sucking and flicking the sensitive bud.

you moan, lightly scratching his scalp, as he continues his work on your bud. “feels good baby?” he asks, mouth still against you. you nod, another moan leaving your mouth as he gently grazes you clit with his teeth.

you feel a finger rub at your entrance before he fully inserts it, curling it slightly. your hand tightens around his curls for a moment, as a whine leaves your mouth. “more please.” you beg, feeling the knot in your tummy already begin to tighten. “patience baby, i got you.”

he adds a second finger, picking up the pace slightly, causing your legs to tighten around him. the way he’s using your clit and hitting that sweet spot perfectly feels euphoric. “binnie,” you moaned, “i’m close.” you warned, back arching off the mattress, hand tightening in his curls once more.

this only prompts him to quicken his movements, sucking on your clit a little harder. your whimpers and moans get louder and louder as you get closer and closer to your release. “please,” you beg, teetering on the edge of cumming. “binnie, don’t stop, i’m so close.” you whimper, your free hand coming up to play with your peaked bud.

“you gonna cum pretty?” he asks against your clit. you moan a small “mhm” telling him all he needs to know. “so cum baby, let me see how pretty my baby looks when i’m making them feel good.” that sends you over the edge, throwing your head back, thighs tighten around his head, fingers tightening in his hair as you cum.

he works you through your high, taking out his fingers, taking all you have to offer. your fingers release his hair, relaxing back into the mattress as you come down. you whimper as he still flicks your sensitive bud with his tongue. you push his head away softly, feeling slightly overstimulated.

“give me one more pretty.” he says, inserting his fingers once more. “let me make you feel good, baby.” his movements are quicker this time. your noises becoming high pitched as you get closer to your second release.

“binnie!” you cry, legs shaking slightly at the stimulation. he adds a third finger, stretching you even more. “there you go my pretty baby,” he continues his work before speaking again, “looking so beautiful for me.” his mouth back on you, moving with fever to get you to your release once more.

“ah!” you wail. “binnie-“ you cut yourself off with a load moan. “come on gorgeous, let go, show me how beautiful you are.” you’re cumming again, legs shaking, tightening around his head once more. both hands grabbing your boobs as your back arches off the bed.

“there you go, good job baby, did so good.” he says as you finally relax into the mattress once more. your breathing heavily, trying to regain your composure as he pulls out his fingers. he places a slow, soft kiss to your clit before placing one to each of your inner thighs.

he sits up, licking his fingers before hovering over you once more. he kisses you, tasting yourself slightly on his tongue. “so beautiful baby.” he says against your lips. “always sound so pretty when you cum.” he kisses you again. “you look even prettier.” he kisses you once more before leaning back, taking off his shirt, throwing it somewhere in the room.

you take in the beautiful man in front of you, aching once again even after two orgasms. you sit up, leaning forward, pulling him into a feverous kiss, hands finding his pecs, working their way down to his abdomen. you make your way down his neck, finding his own sweet spot, pulling a groan from him.

you whine as he pulls you away, pout present on your swollen lips. “i know jagi but this is about you, not me.” he brings a hand back to your soft cheek, caressing it once more before placing a quick kiss to the other one. “lay back down bunny.”

he gets off the bed as you lay back down against the pillows. you watch as he slides his pants down, stepping out of them, kicking them to the side. he grabs the waistband of his boxers, pulling it down, releasing his hard length, thick and leaking against his soft tummy.

you squeeze your thighs together as he tosses the fabric to the side. he climbs over you once again, this time carefully spreading your legs, leaning down to place a kiss to your inner thighs “so beautiful.” mumbles against your soft skin before placing a gentle kiss to your clit, making you jolt from the contact.

he kisses his way back up you body, sparing extra kisses to your soft tummy, and of course one to each nipple. he kisses up your sternum, up your throat to jaw before he pulls away to look at you. you swear you could see hearts in his eyes as he looked down at you.

“hi pretty.” he whispers, eyes gleaming. his hand was resting on the bed next to your head, the other one rubbing small circles on your plush thighs that laid upon his. “hi bub.” you whisper back, face warm. “how’re you feeling, hm?” you smile at his question, bringing your hand up to rest on his puffy cheek.

“really good jagi, thank you.” he smiles, pressing a deep kiss to your lips. he leans against you, his body pressing against you. you feel his hard length slide between your wet folds, brushing against your bundle of nerves.

you let out a soft moan against his lip, as he pushes your thigh to the side, allowing him more access to your core. his lips never leaving yours as he rubs little circles on your clit. you pull away, letting out a whimper as he continues his movements.

“feel good, jagi?” he asks, capturing your lips once more. you nod against him, your hand coming up to grip his bicep. he pulls away once more, but continues rubbing circles to your sensitive nub.

“you ready my baby?” you nod, another moan falling from your lips. “i gotta hear you say it, bunny.” you whine. “i’m ready binnie, please i need you.” satisfied with your answer he places another kiss to your swollen lips and his lines up to your entrance.

your mouth falls open and he pushes into you, your grip tightening around his bicep. “fuck.” you whisper against his lips. he’s stretching you out in the best way possible. he’s stills once he’s fully in, giving you a moment to adjust.

his hand rests on your hip, softly caressing your skin as you adjust to his size. he’s placing kisses to the side of your mouth, your jaw, your cheek before he places his forehead against yours. “you okay, pretty?” you nod against his forehead.

“i’m so okay, you have no idea.” you giggle, causing him to smile. “i’m gonna move now okay?” you nod once again. “okay.” you confirm, your body relaxing into the mattress below you. he places one last kiss to your lips before sitting up a bit.

he places one hand on your plush thigh while the other grabs your waist. he pulls out just to fully push back in, pulling a moan from you. “fuck bin, oh my god.” your hand once again finding the soft flesh of your chest. “that’s it baby, sound so pretty while i’m making you feel good.”

he’s slowly thrusting into you, drinking in the way your body reacts to him. he picks up the pace slightly, “play with your pretty nipples for me baby.” you do as he says, clenching around him and you play with the hard buds. “fuck bunny, you’re squeezing me so good.” he moans, throwing his head back for a moment.

he looks godly above you, you arch your back at the sight causing him to hit that sweet spot inside of you. you let out a particularly high pitched moan at the feeling, causing him to snap his head back down, catching the sight of you arched infront of him.

he slows down, reaching for an extra pillow that you’re not leaning against. you let out a whine, relaxing your back. “relax jagi, i’m just getting you a pillow.” he pulls out and taps your hip. “lift up for me baby.” you lift your hips and he slides the pillow under you.

“okay bunny, lay back down.” you lay back into the mattress, and he pushes your legs open once more. “my pretty bunny is so obedient.” he leans down, arm next to your head as he kisses you. he rubs your sensitive clit once again, pulling whimper from you.

“just like that, look at this beautiful body. jagi.” he says against your lips, still rubbing little circles on your clit. “so soft and perfect, just for me.” you bring your hands back up, one on your tit the other wrapping around his shoulder.

“binnie please.” you beg, needing to be filled again. “i got you baby don’t worry.” he stops his movements on your clit to line himself once more, slowly pushing in. the new angle making it feel intoxicating as he pushed into you.

“oh fuck, baby, fuck.” you cried, digging your nails into his shoulder. “yeah? that feel good?” he starts thrusting into you. “my baby is making such pretty noises for me.” you’ve lost your train of thought, your mind only filled with binnie and the way he’s making you feel right now.

“oh-, bin-, fuck-“ you couldn’t get a coherent sentence out. truly being fucked dumb by the man above you. “that’s it bunny, just empty that pretty little brain of yours.” he slid his arm under your neck, pressing his body into yours. he brought his other hand to your clit, rubbing small circles as he increased his pace.

“oh god! binnie!” you wail, your legs wrapping around his waist. “wrap those pretty long legs around me bunny, there you go.” he places kisses along your jaw, both your arms wrapped around him, pulling him impossibly closer. one hand finding its way into his hair, as you turn your head into him.

“oh my god.” you groan into his ear, pulling at his hair slightly. “my beautiful baby feels so good for me.” he moans in your ear, causing you to clench around him. he groans, “fuck, you like when i call you my beautiful baby?” you cry out, nodding against him.

“is my pretty bunny about to cum?” your toes curl, feeling that familiar knot tightening in your tummy. “yes, yes, i’m-“ you cut yourself off with a cry, it’s almost too much pleasure, almost. “you’re close jagi i know, fuck.” his breathing getting heavier and heavier letting you know he’s close too.

“can you hold on for me?” you let out a high pitched whine. “i know pretty, just a little longer.” you whine again. “you can’t-“ you cut yourself off, trying to focus on anything but how good his making you feel. “you can’t, tell me to wait-“ you let out a moan, “and then call me pretty- oh fuck.” you feel it getting tighter, seconds away from snapping.

“i can’t, why not pretty? hm, cause my gorgeous baby is about to cum? is that it?” you cry out at his words, his teasing only egging you on. he leans down to your ear, still keeping his pace, hitting your sweet spot and rubbing your clit so deliciously. “so then cum bunny. show me how fucking perfect my jagiya is.” that’s all it takes, you let out a scream, the pleasure overwhelming you.

“fuck!” you tighten your legs around him, as much as you can as they’re shaking, toes curling as your orgasm rips through you. nails digging into his shoulder as you grab onto whatever you can to keep you grounded. “good job pretty, that’s my baby.” he’s fucking you through your high as you feel his hip stutter.

“fuck, bunny.” his thrusts are getting sloppy, knowing he’s close. “give it to me binnie. show me how much you love me.” and with that he’s cumming in your pretty pussy. he gives a few more thrusts before he stills in you, laying on top of you.

you both lay there, catching your breath, coming down from your highs. you’re the first to move, arms still wrapped around him, carding your fingers through his hair, placing kisses on the side of his head. he finally ground’s himself, placing a kiss to your shoulder, before moving to hover over you, your hands falling, landing on the back of his neck.

he looks down at you with nothing but love as he places his hand to your cheek, gently rubbing it. “you are so beautiful, my love.” your face warms once again. “thank you binnie, i love you.” he leans down, capturing your lips in a deep kiss.

“i love you more my perfect jagi.” he says against your lips, causing a smile to spread across them. “i’m gonna pull out now okay? then we’ll get cleaned up and relax.” you nodded, stealing a quick peck before he leaned back, your legs falling onto the mattress as he pulled out. he hissed as he did, pulling a small whimper from you at the emptiness.

he, watches as his cum pours out of you, effectively ruining your sheets but he couldn’t care less. he leans down, kissing each thigh again, placing a soft kiss to your swollen clit, causing you to flinch. then your hips, making his way up, kissing every curve and roll on your soft tummy, giving each nipple their own kiss before finally making it back to your lips.

“my gorgeous, gorgeous bunny.” you smile pulling him closer, wrapping your legs around him once again, deepening the kissing. he pulls back, tapping the side of your ass, “come on, let’s get you cleaned up so you can relax.” he moves off the bed, quickly finding his boxers before pulling them back on.

he turns around to find you sitting on the bed, he picks you up bringing you to your bathroom, setting you on the counter. he turns on the bath, making it nice and warm before plugging the drain and putting your lavender bubble bath in.

walking back over to you, he picks you up once again, setting you on the toilet, placing a kiss to your head, “i’m gonna go change the sheets quick, i’ll be right back.” you nod at him, smiling as he makes his exit, closing the door behind him.

you quickly use the bathroom before stepping into the nice warm bath. he opens the door 10 minutes later, with towels, setting them on the counter before removing his boxers. you move forward as he approaches the tub to give him enough room to sit behind you.

once in the tub he pulls you back to him, wrapping his arms around you, showering you in kisses once more. you grab both hands, entwining his hands with yours, giving each hand a kiss, “thank you, for everything.” you turn your head to look back at him. “you’re the best person i know and i really don’t know what i’d do without you.”

he pulls you into another kiss before you relax against him once more. “you never have to thank me for telling the truth.” he pauses. “all i ask is that you tell me when you’re feeling like this so i can show you just how truly beautiful you are.” you feel a lump in your throat form at the love you feel for the man behind you.

you nod your head. “okay, i promise.” he holds you tighter, hands still connected, placing a kiss to your hair. you both stay like then until the water runs cold, draining it before you both get out, putting on the minimum amount of clothes.

making your way to your bed, with clean sheets, where you both spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms, relaxing. you’re always gonna have bad days but it’s comforting to know you’re favorite person will always be there to help you through it and make it all better.

do not repost

What are the best quirks for survival? Survival being something like living on the lamb, apocalypse, nuclear fallout, etc

Going more for wilderness survival for this one since I think that's more interesting. I will avoid any Quirks good for escaping, like "Flight" or "Lizard Tail Splitter", and will consider every aspect of the power for this. So the fat burning of "Creation", the emotional instability of "Beast", and the specific environmental conditions of "Mushroom", far outweigh the benefit the Quirks offer.

Food: With how scarce food may be, being able to live off of rocks or bark would certainly help you survive. It doesn't exactly help with harmful materials like poisonous berries or unclean water, but at least it would cover one major facet of survival.

Super Regeneration: Considering that even minor injuries could lead to death in the wilderness, growing back whatever you need would help a lot. I'm not sure how much it would help with poisons or starvation, but it may help with those aspects as well.

Hardening: Good for personal protection, both from any general harm and any environmental hazards. What's better is that you could treat your own body like a tool, using the jagged edges to crush or cut whatever you want.

Tape: This does help with traversal, but I mainly picked this out for the building potential. I know this may sound silly, but tape could help a lot with survival by being used to craft tools, build structures, use in first aid, work as kindling, or in arts and crafts. All this and more would be possible with your unlimited supply of super tape.

Dupli Arms: Besides all the amazing benefits that super strength would have here, the greater sensory abilities and number of hands would help a lot in survival. It would be useful in getting tasks done faster or jobs that would require multiple people, and it would help a lot in making you more aware of your area and any incoming threats.

Clones: You have up to thirty other people you could rely on to work but don't have any physical needs to worry about, greatly reducing the risk and energy of survival tasks and letting you get way more resources. This may help with the mental parts of survival as well, as having facsimiles of people could help entertain or interact with.

Anivoice: Not only would this make any animal-related problem a non-threat, removing one of the bigger issues of survival, but you can get them to do stuff for you. You could have them tell you about the lay of the land, get them to gather resources, and tell you about dangerous plants or areas. Plus, having a bunch of animal friends would help a lot with the mental strain of survival.

Half Hot Half Cold: Both sides have a lot of benefits. The fire could be used for light, heat, cooking, and cleaning resources. The ice could be used as a resource for water, for building structures, and to preserve whatever food you get. And both halves would be great for maintaining your temperature no matter the biome and preventing heatstroke or frostbite.

Earth Flow: Sure, survival in the wilderness could be a problem, but why fight against nature when you can make nature work for you? You could essentially turn survival into creative mode as you change entire landscapes to suit your needs. You could build a castle in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by basic defenses and traps, while you make your earth beasts do stuff for you.

Overhaul: I mean, was there any question? You can clean your food, remove injuries and infections from your body, build more complicated tools and structures, lay out various traps in the area, reshape the entire landscape and resources to your benefit, or just delete whatever gets close to you. All of which would barely take any time, energy, or cost on the user's part.

Lone Women

Non-spoilery: I wanted to like this, and the blurb made me think I really would, but boy is this book equal parts mind-boggling, boring, and pandering. It makes PERFECT sense to me that most people who have read this got a free copy or a Book of the Month copy.

Spoilery:

OY and also GEVALT. Jesus herschel Christ, okay so, first of all this book is a textbook example of what I’m talking about when i say sometimes representative fiction and media risks becoming a Pokemon ‘gotta catch em all’ situation. The story centers around a Black woman, Adelaide, which is fantastic and absolutely relevant to the story given that Montana was very “sure fine whatever” about giving Black homesteaders land. But then, it just...keeps adding up. Another Black woman and a Chinese woman who are also lesbians, obviously, and lesbianing together join up with Adelaide and her new friend, a single mother with a young trans son that she is 100% accepting of. This is in a 250ish page book, and at a certain point you just start sighing because it’s this author is just ticking stuff off a list at this point. This would be very doable in a longer book or maybe a better written one, but this is a piece of genre fiction par excellence, and none of that is on offer here, so you end up just trying to figure out how he’s gonna shoehorn in another minority. Because none of these minorities have problems with each other, by the way. Obviously. There is no such thing as inter-minority oppression and hatred, there is “majority” and “minority” and the white straight people who are the villains are truly mustache twirling in a way that is damn near hilarious. I think that actually identifies a big problem: None of these characters feel like people. I was sitting here thinking about having read and interacted with MANY other properties that play the ‘gotta catch em all’ game, and as a person who can often be included in ‘em all’ I am often not bothered, but the issue here is none of them FEEL like more than the Minority Experience he has highlighted for each of them. The villains have no internal life. Everyone is the flattest possible version of what a person can be.

That’s all very truly annoying, but I think I could forgive it if the horror was good. I have forgiven MUCH MUCH bigger sins in other books because the horror was enjoyable. Please don’t let the above make you think I am discerning in my horror tastes.

But oh my god. what the fuck.

The whole story centers around Adelaide having this secret she keeps locked up in a trunk with her. It’s heavy and burdensome, but she MUST carry it with her. It contains a murderous thing, a thing that killed her parents, and she dreams of being free of it. It nearly kills a man she falls in love with, and he goes away. Sounds great, right? Me sitting here wondering what I think this whole thing could be a metaphor for, for generational trauma or what have you. When it killed some mean white people I thought maybe it was a metaphor for Black anger. It’s a faceless monster described only in terms of its sharpness and its lust for men and horses (which did throw my theory about black anger out the window.)

But, at the end, it turns out the thing she’s been carrying around was born at the same time as she was and is, I shit you not, a literal dragon. Lavalle has intentionally avoided ever calling it a dragon throughout the book, I suppose because he thinks this twist is exceptionally clever. The dragon is Adelaide’s sister, and the secret is for her to learn to love her sister and also after they beat the bad guys--where, it must be said, they attempt to hang the lone women on the stage of a grand opera house-- everyone goes and lives in a secret town for “lone women” where everyone gets to be happy.

I read that, reread it, and quietly uttered “What the fuck”

I would be much angrier about it if I were a slow reader, but I’m not, so I don’t care. Read this if you’d like to read a book that feels like a bold attempt to cash in on people’s desire for representation in stories that also understands very very little about racial and social politics in the American West, which unfortunately I know a lot of, and also the big twist is SHE IS CARRYING AROUND A LITERAL DRAGON WHO IS ONLY DANGEROUS BECAUSE IT DOESN’T GET LOVE.

Mo Shíorghrá - Chapter Five.

Thanks to the few people reading and interacting with this, you make the effort worth it.

Previous chapters - One  Two  Three  Four

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed

Words - 5,870

Warnings - 18+ content throughout. Minors DNI!

“Oh my god. Oh, Jesus, Fil. Look at them. They’re so little.”  

A sob followed those words, Abi reaching for his hand as she blinked tears down her cheeks after being wheeled into the NICU to see her sons for the first time, her own condition now stable enough to allow for her to leave her bed. She’d taken her first steps the day before on her new hip with the physiotherapist and the aid of a frame, finding it much easier than she’d anticipated it would be, but still very painful.  

Painkillers following that had helped, but there was nothing she could take to get over seeing her precious babies within an incubator, wires and tubes sticking out of them. Her husband had been very right when he’d told her they were not much bigger than one of his hands.  

He crouched by her side, kissing her hand, his other skimming her inner forearm while she reached in to touch Henry for the first time, her little finger stroking his hand, the baby responding instantly to his mother's touch, his tiny fingers flexing at the contact. Still, she continued to cry, Chibs wiping her tears, kissing her head tenderly as he gently wrapped an arm around her.  

“They’ve gained just over half a pound each since their delivery, they’re gaining at the upper end of the expected weight gain, so this is great progress. Bearing this in mind, we hope for you to be able to hold them when they reach four pounds, so realistically it’ll be around another three weeks," Tara explained, handing Abi a tissue.

“I hate that I can’t hold them, though I understand.” If Chibs could identify with anything, it was that. His arms ached to hold his babies close, strong as his fatherly protective streak was. For Abi, it was a hugely emotional moment, reaching through to Riley as well to gently stroke his foot where he wriggled, pleased to hear that it had only been in the last few days he’d become strong enough to do that, their steady progress reassuring. Still, seeing them so small, compounded by the upset she felt at not being able to hold them, colliding with the rage that someone had put their mortality at such grave risk, it all stirred up within and left her very emotional.  

“Shhh, darlin’. Try not tae upset yourself,” Chibs told her softly after she’d returned to her room, Abi crying uncontrollably. “Do you need anything?”

“A hug. I need a big hug.”  

“Okay. Shuffle forward a wee bit.” With his help, she edged down the bed, Chibs kicking off his boots and shrugging himself out of his jacket and kutte, climbing onto the bed behind her, letting her rest back against him as he held her carefully. Oh, she’d needed that, to lie back against the steadying, comforting embrace of her husband, breathing in his scent, turning her head and listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat against her ear. Still, for a time, she couldn’t quite rest, though.  

“They’re not even out of the woods yet, the fucking list of issues they could go on to have. Cerebral palsy, hearing and sight trouble, learning difficulties, psychological problems, asthma, increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome. It isn’t going to be as simple as they put on weight, leave incubation and eventually come home. This could be something that leaves them with afflictions for their whole lives!”  

“Abi, you’ve got to calm down, darlin’,” he began, taking her hand. “If they do, then they do, and as their mum and dad, we support them through it. If they’re deaf, we learn sign language, have cerebral palsy, get them to the right specialists to cope with it, blind, train the pups to be guide dogs. We adjust and we cope.” She smiled a little, at hearing his suggestion to train their dogs to guide dog standards. They’d be distracted at the first sniff of an ice cream cone. That flicker of amusement didn’t last long, though.

“I want to fucking murder the bastard that did this.” Of course, he knew that her upset was fuelled by a burning rage within to exact revenge upon the man who had almost taken hers and her children’s lives. It was very much in line with the woman she was, after all.

“You’re not alone there, hen. It’ll happen. As soon as he’s found, I’ll make him suffer, you have my word there.” He stroked her face gently, Abi sobbing against his chest, twitching with discomfort when her broken clavicle began to throb. Turning slightly to her right side made it bearable, tucking her head beneath his chin, tracing the top line of the bill tattoo on his chest with her thumb. He could have used that moment to reveal they’d at least found which direction her attack had come from, the Russians responsible, but calming her down again was of greater importance at that moment. Fuelling her anger wouldn’t do her any good, she didn’t need it while recovering.  

What she needed was his comfort, of which he gave, stroking the side of her neck as he felt her breathing steady, her crying beginning to cease. It was nice, to simply hold her close again. For Abi, that closeness was the kind of comfort she’d craved, just to be near to him, to feel his warmth. It made her physical pain a little more bearable to withstand, too. God, the c-section site hurt like hell, all her muscles burning with fury from being yanked apart and cut. Listening to his breathing calmed her further, her fingers coming to stop against his chest as she began to drift, Chibs smiling down at her as he kissed her head.  

“I’m here for a while, then.” There was no way he was walking her up. Whenever he visited her, she always looked so tired, her sleep mostly pharmaceutically induced rather than naturally occurring. Now that she’d fallen asleep without the aid of such, he wasn’t prepared to disturb it. Instead, his mind wandered back to the first morning he’d ever woken up with her lying against him like that, which from memory was likely after the fifth occasion he’d ended up in her bed...

Belfast, 1994

“Well, I think it’s fair to say I knackered you out plenty last night," he spoke when Abi finally roused from slumber, sitting up, her eyes widening a little when she realised where she’d been resting.

“Oh Jesus, I’m sorry.” Embarrassed, she scooted back over to her side of the bed, Chibs raising an eyebrow.  

“For what?”

She pointed at his chest, the place she’d been very comfortably sleeping against. “Sleeping on you. Probably the last thing you want.”  

He was amused at her assertion, leaning close to her. “I’m not made of stone, Abi. Not averse to a pretty wee thing falling asleep on my chest. What I’m not so fond of is feeling like a badger curled up in my mouth and died. Can I borrow your toothbrush?”  

She laughed there, sitting up, finger combing her mountain of unruly hair, wondering what kind of state she looked. “Yeah, no worries. There’s a spare one in the cabinet, actually. Just use that.” He got out of bed, Abi treated to the feast for the eyes that was him naked, all lithe muscles and tattooed arms.  

“Stop staring at my arse.”

She snickered, looking amused. “Why? It’s gorgeous.”  

And he knew he was gorgeous, and had an enviably trim body, but still, a sexy, seventeen-year-old who could have her pick of any bloke she wanted was the one who wanted him. He’d never get over the inner gleam of such knowledge. While he was cleaning his teeth, Abi made a few rounds of toast and some coffee, taking it all back to bed with her.  

It had been just over a week since they’d first had sex, and this was the first time he’d stayed over after finishing doing a superb job of shagging her utterly senseless the night before. He joined her, Abi pushing the toast plate over a little, Chibs thanking her before taking a slice.  

“Oh, thank fuck you use actual butter. Fi buys that Flora crap and it tastes vile,” he exclaimed, Abi shuddering.  

“So does my ma. Da got me this from the farmers market yesterday, we sat there eating it with fresh soda bread while watching Men Behaving Badly. Ma won’t have it on at home, absolutely can’t stand it but it makes us cry laughing!” Rubbing her eye as she remembered the antics of Tony and Gary, she then looked at her finger, seeing a huge, black smudge. “God, I bet I look an absolute state, so I do!”

Chibs turned, eyeing her. “You look smoking.”  

“Even with my makeup all smudged?”

“Especially with your makeup all smudged,” he grinned, leaning to kiss her shoulder. Once they’d finished eating, Abi found herself back against his chest, very content to lie there being lazy. She hadn’t really thought he’d be all that fond of little moments of affection and closeness like that when they weren’t actually having sex, being that she was just a casual bit on the extramarital side, but he surprised her greatly. “Has anyone ever told you just how gorgeous your eyes are? I swear, you’ve got the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.”

“You think?” she asked, tilting her head back a little, Chibs leaning to kiss her.  

“Aye, they’re like the fucking sky. You’re bloody beautiful.” He kissed her again, Abi humming happily. She honestly didn’t expect him to be like this, so it took her by surprise greatly. She didn’t truly know how to feel about that either. He was married, after all, and despite the fact he seemed very invested in having sex with her whenever he could, he loved Fiona. She knew that. The way he behaved with her that morning did seem somewhat contradictory to her assertion, though.

Or was she just being seventeen and naïve? Being nice to her didn’t mean he loved his wife any less. Thinking differently to that, she knew, would lead to her getting hurt.  

While she was chastising herself for overthinking something that was merely supposed to be a bit of fun to be enjoyed, she had no idea that the man whom she lay against was struggling with something quite similar. Even though he found himself making it sexual very quickly that morning, he’d be lying to himself if he said that was solely what he felt towards Abi, sexual interest and nothing more.  

Apart from her being gorgeous, funny, cute, crazy as hell and into a lot of similar things he was, he felt a connection to her that he truly couldn’t explain, a link, something unseen, undescribed by words, but which stirred his emotions heavily. He found it a little distressing, if he was frank, that what he felt, he’d experienced with no other, not even Fiona. It scared him a bit, that he could fall so headlong into something, something that was likely the last thing a fun loving seventeen-year-old wanted from him.  

So, he kept to what he knew she definitely sought.  

They shared fervent kisses as his fingers raked at every depth inside her soaking cunt, one of her gorgeous, long legs rested over his waist as they lay facing one another, Chibs glad that Fiona was away visiting her mother in Ballymena, so he didn’t have to hurry home. He could spend as long as he wanted sending his young lover to the edges of heaven, so that’s exactly what he did.  

He moved his kisses to her neck, fingers retreating to begin stroking at her with long rubs through her slit, spreading her wetness around, the heat of her against him absolutely blazing. Moving his focus to her clit, he softly circled, touching her so gently he was barely making contact, little by little increasing the pressure, watching her intently as she lost herself to what he inflicted upon her.  

“Is that nice?” he chuckled in whisper at her breathlessness, Abi’s helpless groan making him laugh a little louder.  

“Oh, you’re too bloody good by far!” He loved it when she was utterly beside herself with pleasure.

“Just you wait until it’s my tongue.”  

“I can’t wait, don’t make me!”  

Oh, what a state he’d worked her into, dark eyes watching her as she continued to softly mewl, his fingers suddenly speeding up. “Be patient.” Kissing her again, he silenced her until sliding his mouth to her breasts, sucking her nipples, having her practically sobbing with bliss, his fingers now working a quickly rubbed circle at her bud. Abi cried out as she broke apart against the hot throb they evoked, the flames of her release licking her spine, her shuddering body spent, yet craving more. “Okay, now you get my mouth.”  

He laid open mouthed kisses down the centre of her body, the smell of her arousal, her fragrant womanhood calling his mouth, beckoning the swipe of his tongue, which he duly laid after levelling his face with her burning slit, wet pressure bathing her sensitive bud, a slow swirl to begin with, gentle flicking added, his hands stroking her slender thighs as she tipped her head back and moaned prettily for him, his mouth gorging upon her as he began to suck, stopping only to bob his tongue inside her a few times, feeling her clench on him as she gasped and shook.  

“Fuck, you have such a pretty little pussy.” He complimented, moaning as he sucked her, her insides sparking with incandescence. Her hands held his head, nails flexing in his hair as he took a mouthful of her and sucked again, evoking her wail, watching her with lust blown pupils, covetingly gazing at the beauty who he was aroused out of his senses by.  

The wet drag of each lick languidly rolled through her slit, up to her clit again, circling, nudging, glimmers skittering through her when he aimed his next suck right there, her breath catching in her throat, her little bud sucked plumper before bathed in the fast beating of his tongue. Fast... faster... faster... oh... how was he real?  

Her body arched off the bed, her toes curling, an orb of fire rolling through her groin before boom, it exploded and she came hard, her legs wrapping around his head, her clit throbbing against his tongue. He moaned against her slick pink, tongue continuing to explore her, hands roaming up to grasp her breasts and roll her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers.

“You look so goddamned pretty when you cum.” he praised her with, taking mouthful of her and sucking thirstily, eyes closing, hands continuing to stroke her curves, Abi gently writhing against his face.  

There was no other way to explain it, she was lost in pleasure, unmoored, adrift on the wide, dark sea that was a man who knew exactly how to turn her on until she felt senseless and boneless. She had never known arousal like it, never been tended to quite so thoroughly, by someone who held such extensive knowledge of a woman’s body and exactly how to play with it.  

His fingers pushed back within the heat of her core, laying soft kisses all over her slit, up her abdomen, tongue circling her navel before slipping down again to continue eating her. He granted her no clemency with the sublimity of his tongue, rapid and unyielding as he gratified her fervently, her womanhood the altar where he laid his worship of such beauty, given unto him.  

He was almost predatory with his mouth, not ceasing or slowing, his fingertips seeking the place they had before to press precisely, her insides twitching aggressively as his tongue swept her bud with rapid circles, her body keening as she felt herself driven closer, her core close to absolute convulsion as she panted and wailed, the surge of orgasm tearing through her.  

“Oh... my... fucking... god...” she panted, Chibs kissing her thigh, watching her fighting for breath. She then looked at him with a glint of utter feral desire. “Get on your damned back.”  

“I’m not much in the habit of being ordered around, but since it’s you.” He turned at speed, cock rigid against his hip, Abi climbing astride him and sinking down on that big, thick hardness with a shuddered breath. Oh, how she’d ridden him into that bed. Fuck. It was a memory that hadn’t left him, sex so good it still made him tingle when he thought of it, as well as what followed. Just six days later and they’d told each other how they knew they felt, not able to fight the fact that against all odds, they’d fallen deeply in love with one another.  

“Filip, have you got a hard on?” Abi suddenly spoke, waking after napping for half an hour. His chuckle confirmed.  

“Sorry.”

“You’re bloody unfair! Lying there like a bloody tepee and I’m too broken to enjoy it!” It was a moment of comic relief they both needed, Chibs stroking her arms as he leaned to kiss her head, waiting for himself to calm down a little before moving back to the seat. “I suppose I should take it as a compliment.”

“Yeah, you should. What can I say? I miss my wife, in more than one way.” His wink cracked her up, Abi holding her side as she tried to compose her chuckles. Her lung was still very sore, but she guessed having a shattered rib poke a hole in it would do that to anyone. “I was lying there thinking about the first time I slept over at your old flat, when you woke up and freaked out that you’d fallen asleep against my chest.”

She remembered it like it was yesterday, her mind revolving in the horror of ‘oh my god, as if he wants his shag piece all curled up around him. Abort, Abi! Abort!’ before she’d scrambled away from where she’d so comfortably rested. She laughed about it now, now of course that he was hers, the humour of trying to remain somewhat aloof with the man whom she’d fallen so hard in love with. She thought of it later that night after he’d left, the day he’d taken her down to Armagh to get the tattoo she wanted for her birthday, the artist of her choice residing there. Kevin Dougherty had been the man who’d done her first, a snake winding around her right wrist, his work famous throughout Northern Ireland.  

She could picture it so clearly in her mind, walking towards his shop hand in hand with her outlaw...  

Belfast, 1994

Armagh. Nobody knew them in Armagh, meaning that for the first time ever, Abi could walk along with her boyfriend hand in hand, and it didn’t matter. There’d be no prying eyes ready to run back to either her father or Fiona with the scandalous information, so if she wanted to suddenly stop in the middle of the street and kiss him, she could.  

“What was that for?” he asked after she’d done just that.  

“Because I fucking love you.”  

He arched an eyebrow. God, she loved it when he did that. It made her throb, both in her heart and between her legs. He was just too sexy for his own good. “Good enough reason as any, CB.” He kissed her again then, a big, open mouthed, tongue swirling kiss, drawing a few comments of disapproval from passing elderly people, neither of them caring at all over the distain their filthy kisses provoked.  

While walking, Abi noticed that they attracted further attention too, as was the norm with outlaws. People knew who the Sons were, even if nobody there knew him personally, the stories of the club travelled, of course they did. Outlaws spelled danger, and while Abi thrived on such, others did not.  

They were the men mothers warned their daughters to steer clear of, and Abi, she was the kind of girl those same daughters were told never to end up like. Her dress code alone raised eyebrows of disapproval from women, and looks of longing from men. That day, she’d chosen her standard fishnets, a pair of platform PVC boots, and a black cropped top and hot pants set, her usual plethora of necklaces and chains and her old, battered leather jacket on top.  

Yes, the outlaw and his barely dressed young girlfriend raised more than a few eyebrows as they walked the street, even more so when they entered the tattoo shop, the men within it giving Abi some very favourable glances. One of whom had Chibs in fits while Abi was checking the placement of her tattoo in the mirror as Kevin looked on.  

“She your girlfriend, fella?”

“Aye,” Chibs beamed, the large man with the shaved head and the near full bodysuit of tattoos shaking his head as he looked back at her.  

“You lucky fucking bastard.”  

“I know.”

“How do you let her out of bed? I swear, I’d never be off her if she was my girl!”

Chibs laughed, winking at her when she blew him a kiss. Of course, she could hear their entire conversation, the large man next to her boyfriend not being particularly quiet. “Trust me, she gets ridden more than my fucking Harley.”  

“Fucking fair play, sonny.” He offered his hand, Chibs shaking it with laughter before joining Abi.

“So, all ready for your tramp stamp, crazy baby?”  

Kevin snorted laughing, loading the tattoo machine with black ink.  

“Stop calling it that!”  

“Never!” he leaned forward and kissed her, Abi grumbling at him before wincing as Kevin began.  

“Arrgh, bloody hell! I forgot how much is fucking stings to start with!”  

“Yeah, like a cat with red hot claws scratching the shite out of you, isn’t it?”

“That’s exactly what it feels like, so! I remember Monica getting hers done on her ribcage, remember, Kevin? She likened it to hot razors.”

“I do, aye. You having to fan her with a copy Skin Deep so she didn’t pass out, bless her. I miss that girl,” he lamented. Kevin had once dated Monica very briefly after she’d originally gone to him for her first tattoo and they’d hit it off, the relationship fizzling out due to neither of them having the time to travel the near hour journey to see each other regularly. “Not half as much as I bet you do though, eh?”

“Likely not. She was the best.”

“She was, a bloody grand lass, so.”  

She continued to wince and grumble as the outline was added to, having her mind taken off it by gripping Chibs’ hand and receiving kisses from him. At doing so, once again he was the envy of all of the men within the shop, grinning to himself smugly. Sexy, heavenly body, utter badass, and she was all his. As for Abi, his affections took her mind away from feeling a little mournful over her sister, and the fact that her lower back was currently on fire.  

“I’ve a good plan to take your mind off it later,” he whispered, kissing the side of her neck. He was never really one for public displays of affection, but with her, he truly couldn’t help himself.  

“Oh? And what does this plan of yours entail?” she inquired, looking at him with a lower lip biting grin.  

“Letting you sit on my face until you forget how sore your tramp stamp is.”  

She narrowed her eyes immediately, but the grin that followed was that of megawatt magnitude. “The first part, I like. You continually referring to my lovely tattoo as a tramp stamp, not so much.”

“I’m paying for it; I get to call it whatever I like. Happy birthday, beautiful.” It had been her actual birthday two days previously, but Kevin only had space to tattoo her after the event. Besides, she wanted to get drunk off her face all day, and alcohol and tattooing didn’t mix, so there’d been that, too. And god, how drunk the SAMBEL lads had gotten her. As soon as she’d walked into the clubhouse with her friends in tow, the roar of ‘shots!’ had gone up like a siren.

“I could do with some of that right now.” she grumbled back in the present, shifting in order to get comfortable, placing her arm back in the sling to alleviate the pain in her broken clavicle. It always did hurt after her walking physio, having to take weight on her left arm to support herself as she walked, getting the muscles working around her new hip. At least it all wasn’t quite as painful as she remembered in the moments between her morphine dazes upon first waking after her accident. She thanked god that apparently, he was watching out for her.

Her healing was progressing just as it should have been, meaning that after a further twelve days in hospital, she was given the all clear to head home. Not that she particularly wanted to. Not without her boys.  

“I’ll be back to see you first thing in the morning. You get to meet your aunt Venus too, she’s going to bring me up here while daddy is working, yes, she is,” Abi pledged to her babies, stroking their hands lovingly. “I love you both so much. See you tomorrow.” It took her a few moments to compose her tears before she stood, aided by a crutch in one hand, holding onto Chib’s arm with the other. Walking was still painful, but not as bad as it had been, now three weeks on from the accident and subsequent replacement. She just had to be careful not to overdo things, since she still got out of breath fairly easily after the trauma she’d suffered to her lung.  

She could have killed for a cigarette, but didn’t think it wise beyond taking two puffs off the one Chibs lit once they got outside, with him eyeing her disapprovingly. “Don’t come crying to me when you cannae breathe right,” he warned, Abi tightening her jaw a little.  

“I think after everything I’ve been through, I can be forgiven for wanting a small hit of nicotine.”

He nodded. “Aye, I suppose you’re right.”

“I might need you to put that on a t shirt, since you so seldom concede,” she teased, walking steadily to her car.  

“Shut up, you wee shite.” She laughed, and it felt good, good to laugh and joke with him, to see him smile rather than look perpetually scared to death. Once he’d helped her into the car, he took her home, carrying her things in and then grabbing hold of two very excited dogs so they didn’t dive all over her as she carefully made her way inside. “Steady, lads, steady.” he told them, letting go of their collars once she was seated in the armchair, Ozzy and Jimi staying low, their entire bodies quivering with excitement that their mum had returned, receiving scratches and tummy rubs from her, Abi thrilled to see her again.  

Looking around, she was glad to be home, the sights and smells comforting to her. “Is that furniture polish I smell?”

“It is.”

“Oh. Venus came by and cleaned, then? She said she’d call in to make sure the house hadn’t reverted back to, and I quote, a bachelor pad comprised of dusty surfaces, overspilling ashtrays and the scent of ripe underpants.”

“She did, but I did the cleaning.”

“Pardon?” Her eyes widened so much, he couldn’t help but laugh softly.

“Just because I don’t like to, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to. I cleaned and did laundry, and Venus cooked enough food to feed a small army so you’d be all sorted and wouldn’t have to do anything other than take things out of the freezer or fridge. And she walked the dogs as well. That woman is an absolute diamond.”  

Abi smiled, certainly believing so. “Anyway, my love. I have to shoot off. Duty calls, but I’ll try not to be too late home. Love you.”

“Alright, don’t worry about me. I’ll just be sitting here having a 90’s film marathon. Love you too.” While she relaxed with her very happy dogs and the first of a long run of her favourite films, Chibs rode out with the rest of the club to meet with the remaining west coast based Russians, determined to get to the bottom of who the hit and run driver was.  

The bar they met at was seedy and stank of vodka and stale urine, a typical meeting place between men who most definitely fell upon the wrong side of the law. It was the kind establishment regular, law-abiding patrons eschewed by a very wide berth.  

“Gentlemen, welcome,” Leo Lenkov, the man who had ascended to power within the west coast fraction of the Russian mob spoke, gesturing to the red leather seating section he and his guys rested within. “Although, I am at a loss to understand the purpose of this meet. Your Mexican friends tied up any, ah, loose ends between us, shall we say.”  

He eyed them carefully from behind the thick framed glasses he wore, his turnout immaculate, smelling strongly of expensive cologne, his suit pressed crisply, the top buttons of his black shirt undone to reveal a similar tattoo to that of the man they were attempting to locate.  

“Except for the one that lead a Russian to attempt to murder my wife and unborn children,” Chibs spoke, his dark eyes practically boring into the back of Leo’s skull.  

“And you know this, how?” Clay took the image from his kutte, unfolding the paper and sliding it across the black, chipped lacquer table. Leo lifted it, studying it carefully. “Russian, he most definitely is, this is obvious. Alas, I do not know his identity. I know of course from his tattoos that he is indeed bratva, but not of my particular franchise.”

Chibs virtually snarled at his reply. “I’m calling bullshit on that.”  

Clay moved on instinct, halting the reach for his gun with a hand pressed to his arm. Leo remained passive, unmoved. “You can call it whatever you want, mister Sergeant at arms. No number of bullets will jog a memory that is simply non-existent. This was not a planned hit from my side. We did that already, of course, as you know. Your wife, I would likely assume, was a target on a personal vendetta basis, for nothing was sanctioned by me. This, I swear on the pride of my motherland. Also, a personal code of mine would forbid me from calling for the harming of children. Especially of the unborn kind. A man has to have his uncrossable line.”

He sank a shot of vodka, placing his glass down. “Does she have any links to my people, perhaps there is a hostility there which needs to be uncovered. Is she Russian herself, your wife?”

Chibs intrinsically knew when he was being lied to, knew the little tells to look out for, the plays, the gestures. Leo Lenkov did not display any of them. He was telling the truth, and from the looks of it, did actually want to offer assistance. “No, Irish. And yes, there’s a tentative link. She used to date a man you’ve likely heard of, Vladislav Morozov.” He was, of course, one of the men whom had died at the hands of the club in their retaliation against the Russians, on the night of Opie and Lyla’s wedding.  

Immediately, Leo’s eyebrows fluttered in recognition. “You are married to the gadyuka?”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Clay questioned, about as perplexed as everyone else not fluent in Russian.  

“Gadyuka is the Russian word for viper. Vlad spoke of her to me once, told me of the insane IRA arms dealer he had been with for around half a year. Her reputation precedes her. Gentleman, I would not personally go after a woman with that kind of propensity for blowing up those who anger her, for I am not a stupid man. Whomever did this, I would likely wager is either a stupid man, or a man hellbent on revenge for something she did to him, but I state once more, this did not come from me. Perhaps your net needs to be cast further afield. I am sorry I can be of no further assistance, and I do mean that. As far as I am concerned, we are even now.”

Clay looked to Chibs, who nodded, satisfied by what Leo had stated, but not why his wife had been targeted. He mulled it over as they left, suddenly stopping outside of the bar when it hit him, his eyes widening in realisation.  

“Fuck.”

Jax turned, pausing from placing his helmet on. “What is it, bro?”

“He’s fucking right, about it being personal.” How it hadn’t dawned on him until that moment, he didn’t know, but he could have fucking kicked himself. “Who was it that got us the information to begin with over where Jimmy was hiding out? Who reached out to her ex-boyfriend, a call that ultimately led to him ending up dead?”  

Jax closed his eyes momentarily. “Jesus fucking Christ.”  

“We need to start digging into Vladislav’s family.”

“And you need to get home to your wife, because that guy is still out there, and if he knows she ain’t dead...” Clay began, Chibs racing to his bike.  

“Shit!” Of course, there’d been no sniff of further retribution while she’d been at the hospital, the guys considering their debt paid in the harm that had befallen Abi. But now they knew differently, with the perpetrator still out there in the wild and Abi now released, anything was possible.  

“Hey, Chibs. Take this with you. For all we know, Abi is the best person to ask, if she met any of his family back while she was with him.” Taking the picture, he stuffed it into his kutte before departing at speed, Clay ordering Ratboy to follow him back and keep a lookout, sending Phil to the hospital to be stationed outside the NICU unit, just in case an attempt to harm the babies was made. Chibs must have broken every speed limit there was in racing home, his heart calming immediately at entering the house to the sounds of happy barks from his dogs and a content looking wife. Thank Christ.  

“You’re back much earlier than I expected,” she spoke, pausing the film, receiving a kiss from him happily.  

“We spoke to the Russians, and while we’re confident it didn’t come from their specific fraction of the bratva, it did throw up a line of thinking we hadn’t pursued,” he began, reaching into his kutte and unfolding the picture. “This is an image of the man who hit you. Do you recognise him at all?”

Taking the picture, Abi only needed to study it for a second, her body stiffening slightly. “Aye, I do. That’s Ivan Morozov, my ex-boyfriend Vlad’s elder brother.”  

Now, here you are at the end of the chapter, and your author is asking you that you please, please comment and/or reblog. User interaction is dwindling and visibility within tumblr is becoming so poor that content creators are literally vanishing. You can help with that. If I created something you liked, don’t just click heart, SHOW ME. TELL ME. Please!

Online Safety Relevant to the Current State of the Internet

On twitter I made a tweet about how online safety lessons in school can be very out of touch but that the advice of people who are familiar with the current internet shouldn't be disregarded. So here's my informal collection of online safety tips

Sources: unrestricted internet access since elementary school (not recommended), being a formerly involuntarily home bound person for several years that amassed way too much online experience

This could possibly hold upsetting reminders to people who had bad experiences online including mentions of grooming and emotional manipulation so please proceed with caution!

Information Sharing

Make an online pseudonym for public profiles and websites.

Don’t feel like you have to list everything about you for the world to see.

Sometimes it’s not a question of “can this information be used to locate and identify me irl?”, but simply “do I want this information publicly available and linked to my online persona?”

Unlike offline, being online leaves a constant trail of who you were accessible at all times. People are constantly growing and changing. Try to limit the information you share so you can ditch that trail and start over if need be.

Sharing information with people you make friends with and trust is a judgement call on your part, but always be on the safe side and be protective of your information.

Start as cautious as possible with online safety. Any risks or judgement calls can come later when you are 1. aware of the risks, 2. ready to address them if they occur, and 3. have gathered plenty of information instead of doing something blindly and hoping for the best.

Do not share your triggers publicly, they can very easily be used against you. Instead use websites with a large amount of filtering options to curate your online experience. If you are going to share them, only do it privately with people you trust.

Importance of Boundaries

It doesn’t matter how mature you are, don’t enter age limited spaces you don’t qualify for. It’s disrespectful to the boundaries of the people who made that space. Boundaries like this exist for the comfort of both sides involved.

Just because you can “handle it” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Desensitization is not something to brag about.

Venting or making r18 posts as a minor on a public account is VERY dangerous. Intense emotional vulnerability is something manipulators will look for as a way to get to you. The same with sexual jokes to develop your comfort talking about those topics casually and eventually escalating the situation. If you are going to talk about such things please keep that in private conversations with people you trust in your age group.

Note the difference between public and private online space. Tweeting something on a public account is not the same as having a conversation in the cafeteria with your friends.

If an adult tries talking to you about r18, run the other way. Doesn’t matter how cool you are, it says something weird about THEM if they’re willing to talk to a minor about that stuff.

If someone( like 3+ years, honestly depends on how old you are) older than you wouldn't be comfortable saying what they're saying to you in front of other people (like a teacher or guardian), that's suspicious as hell. Run in the other direction.

The younger you are, the more age gaps matter. There's a bigger difference in development between a 13 year old and a 17 year old than there is between a 20 year old and a 24 year old. It helps to try to contextualize it with real people instead of numbers. Instead of thinking "oh just 4 years? that's not that weird" consider "oh. that would be like a freshman (13/14) dating a senior (17/18). yikes."

Be just as wary of people your own age talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Just like irl, sometimes you’ll meet people your age that are hurtful.

Friends complain to each other and talk about their issues, that alone is fine. But when people are doing it without permission, draw a line. When people are making it feel like you’re responsible for maintaining their mental health, you need to draw a line. When it starts to effect your mental health, PLEASE DRAW A LINE! I know it feels like your responsibility sometimes, but it’s not. You cannot be there for others if you’re not taking care of yourself first and foremost.

Don’t be afraid to block people. Even for petty reasons. It’s good to block people. Don’t force yourself to see stuff you don’t want to see.

Being Constantly Online

The 24 hour news cycle is not a good thing to follow 24/7. Taking social responsibility is a good thing, but your brain is NOT built to worry about every issue in the world at once. One strategy I use for staying sane is I try to only check the news once a day, and if something needs more attention to set aside an amount of time I’m going to focus on it before I need to take time to step back.

Touch grass. Not literally, unless you can in which case I highly suggest it, sometimes it’s just good to lay in a field. What I mean is you need to dedicate a good portion of your time to being offline (sleep does not count). What your offline time looks like is going to differ depending on your level of ability, but even if you are house bound it’s important to build some hobbies that don’t rely on the internet. Talking to people offline is also a good goal if possible, even just to your housemates.

Social etiquette greatly differs online and offline and sometimes the reminder that were all just Some People gets lost behind the numbers and the fabricated personas. Keep in mind the difference in how information is shared without forgetting that the fact we are all people remains the same.

Be generous with your etiquette. You will avoid a lot of stress if you conduct yourself with the same politeness you would have in an offline interaction. Master the art of "minding your own business" for your own sake.

Arguments and Competition

As soon as you can, you need to internalize the fact that leaving an argument is not losing.

It is inevitable you will be exposed to many people who disagree with you. Some people only want to argue to rile you up. Sometimes that’s not their intention, but it’s what they’re doing. You do not have to remain in conversation with people, especially if they’re not interested in actually coming to an understanding. Even if they are interested, sometimes they just suck!! Leave!! You can leave!!

On that note, sometimes you are going to get valid criticism and it’s going to hurt. That is part of learning. If someone says you messed up and did something hurtful, take a second to step back from your defensiveness and consider: intent ≠ effect. Apologize, repair what you can, and move forward with the ability to do better in the future. You’re going to mess up every once in awhile, it’s inevitable.

To summarize the past two points: don't waste your time on unnecessary hostility but don't close yourself into an echo chamber either. Debates should be about learning.

Sometimes people are not going to like you. This happens offline too but people tend to be a lot more blunt online. Sometimes people dislike you for no reason or for really petty reasons. That’s not your problem, move on.

Don’t actively seek out people you don’t like or who don’t like you to argue with. Whether or not your side is the “right side” doesn’t matter, it’s going to cause you so much unnecessary stress. Feel free to keep posting your opinions on your own profile but don’t seek out unnecessary conflict.

This is a different type of competition than previously mentioned, but be aware of the danger of comparing yourself to other people. Especially if you’re a creative or student, DO NOT GET SWEPT UP IN THE GRIND CULTURE. It’s more subtle in some places than others, but anytime you see the notion that you should be working yourself to the bone be VERY critical. Also be critical of any online cultures (such as gaming and art communities) that brag about unhealthy habits or act like it’s ~part of the culture~ (ex: all nighters, not taking breaks, getting hurt. Any activity that neglects health to work toward a goal).

Not just grind culture, any community of subculture that shares anti recovery sentiments is a huge red flag. Even if they're joking, it's not worth the risk of internalizing those statements.

Everyone’s social media presence is to some degree doctored because it’s a purposefully selected collection of what they allow you to see. It’s fine to like the persona you see being displayed, but never forget that it is not reflective of the entire person. Everyone online is JUST SOME PERSON. Do not forget that and start holding yourself to a standard you can’t even see every side of.

By posting online you are opening yourself to criticism. Whether or not it’s justified can vary, but either way it’s going to happen. Mute stuff, go private, disable comments, etc if you need to.

Misc Tidbits

these are technically just general info that is also good for offline but I have seen things that make me think people online need the extra reminder.

Learn what cults are, how they recruit, and what they do to their members. I'm not kidding. This is particularly relevant at the moment because of current societal unrest and widespread loneliness. No one is immune to cult propaganda, and not every cult is based on pre established religion or family. Many exist ONLINE and are able to manipulate people without ever meeting face to face. (learn more: Loneliness as a Pandemic: The Dangers of Online Cult

Familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience. Please familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience and then learn how to identify pseudoscience. (learn more: Karl Popper, Science, & Pseudoscience: Crash Course Philosophy #8)

Q. How do I know if a source is reliable?

Final Thoughts

It's important people of ALL ages learn these lessons, because the internet is constantly changing and we are all vulnerable when in the presence of other people.

Be cautious and stay safe

A P.S.A. from your residential scare actor

In light of it offically being spooky season and most haunted houses being open, I wanted to share a few things I don't think people realize going into a haunted house or don't stop to consider.

We are people too

This is an actual job, it's hard work and we are constantly in pain and hurting ourselves. Imagine being on your feet for ten hours straight in layers of a less than comfortable costume, always being too hot or cold, voice being used so much you can't even talk, much less scream. This is our lives. And we have to do it interacting with people who have intent to harm us.

If you know you have a flight or fight response of fight, and dont trust that you won't swing at us, please reconsider going through. Things happen, people get scared and throw their hands out. That's not what I mean. I mean that person who will not immediately realize what they're doing and apoligize or back off and will consciously follow through with that reactive swing.

Along those lines, do not joke about punching us. Do not intentionally punch us. One of my girls got headbutted last week. Badly. Her entire face, especially around the eye was swollen and red. A woman came in, repeatedly saying she would punch all of us if we touched her. We are not allowed to touch people coming through, but it's tight space, so sometimes we bump into people, we get bumped into, we apoligize, its all good. I had to threaten to not let her in before she backed off. Another one of my girls was told that she would be beat to a pulp because she wouldn't allow a guest to use a ticket meant for something else entirely. Again. WE ARE PEOPLE you do not have the right to treat us horribly and assult us.

Don't be a pervert. This seems like common sense, and has some grey areas, but seriously. Do not ask us to date you, or for our numbers or socials, do not call us hot, or sexy, or make comments on what you want to do to us, or have us do to you. It is disgusting. A fair amout of the people I work with are minors. You touch them (because yes, we often get groped while covered in blood and screaming) that is not only sexual assault, it is sexual assult on a minor. In this same area, don't comment on our bodies. Its creepy. Pointing out makeup, costume, hair, things like that is one thing, but leave what we aren't controling out of it. Girls tend to like to say things like "you're really pretty" while going through the area. I feel that if you're not being creepy about it, some things like that are okay.

We have our rules in place for a reason. Overall they are very, very simple. No running, shoving, any of that, no smoking, food, or drink, no cell phone usage. Most people actually follow most of those rules. People get scared, they run. Whatever. We mainly tell you not to because of the fog and strobe lights. When your not used to it or the house lay out, you can and will get hurt running into something. But the phones. The phones. If I could have a dollar for every phone I see out in a night, I would make double. We don't tell you to keep them away because we wanna deprive you of having the coolest snap story of the week, it's literally a legal protection and safety hazard issue. Since most haunted houses are owned by a bigger company, it's kind of like a copywrite on the house, so you can and will get kicked out for doing it. Safety wise, it puts the actors at risk because a sudden bright normal light in extreme dark, strobe, or black light is incredibly disorientating. It also puts us out of our mindset to do our job. It is a hazard for the guest because, guess what, when filming or taking pictures, you aren't nearly as aware of your surroundings. Meaning you could get hurt. It's also puting your device at risk because lets say you have your phone out, jump, and drop it. It could crack, fall somewhere we can't find it, get stepped on. And if that were to happen, since we tell you not to have it out, you're on your own.

Don't say things like "you're not scary" or "there's a person there" while you may be able to see us, and we may not have scared you it ruins the experience for everyone else. Unless you have a small child who is horrified, you have no reason to be pointing us out, saying where hidden doors are. We are giving you a show, give us one. Even if we don't scare you, if you're having fun, you can try to look it. A smile or chuckle goes a long way with us. We don't enjoy it when you walk through all badass stone faced. No. It's boring. No one thinks your cool.

Please do not bring children. I've had kids come through that were enjoying it, having fun with being scared and it made my night to be a part of that. But the amount of kids I have seen just stop walking and breakdown, sobbing, screaming, wanting out, is heartbreaking. When this happens, we break character, assure the child they are okay, and we ask the parent if they want out. Nine out of ten times we get a snarky, insulted "no, we're not leaving" in reply. Bring kids if you know without a doubt they will enjoy it. Yes, they will get scared, but scared is not tramatizing. And if it becomes too much, just leave. Let them have that comfort of leaving.

And finally, use common sense. No one has it anymore, but if you mess with one of us, you have the entire house on you now. And no, that's not a threat, it isn't meant to be. It's protection. For us, because the people that go through our house are the same ones hurting us, physically and or mentally. Just be a decent person. Have fun, let loose, make memories. As someone who has gone through haunted houses and worked them, when you act like a decent person, it's truly an amazing experience to go through a haunted house with friends.

I know this is a lot, and many people will not read it, so if you did, thank you. Truly. This job means the world to me, and the people I work with, and it kills me to see my friends and I be treated so poorly for doing what we love, and offering something to others. This is a problem in all fields where you work with people, but I don't see the danger of being a scare actor talked about nearly enough, so I wanted to highlight some of the things that have stood out to me most this season.

Weekly Fic Recs

Source

Here are my fic recs for this week. I didn’t get much reading done this week, but there are REALLY good stories on here.

The writer’s summary (if there is one) is included so that you have an idea of what the fic is about.

**Heed the warnings on the writer’s blog and on each fic. Please abide by requests for minors not to interact if requested or 18+ Only is noted.** 

Mechanic and Mistletoe-Part Two - @deanwanddamons​​. Summary: Y/N, an ER nurse is driving home to her Mom on Christmas Eve. Her car breaks down on the side of the road. She calls Winchester Singer Autos and Bobby sends Dean to help her. Will she make it to her Mom in time for Christmas? And will she get back home in time for her shift on Boxing Day?

Mechanic and Mistletoe-Part One - @deanwanddamons​. Summary: Y/N, an ER nurse is driving home to her Mom on Christmas Eve. Her car breaks down on the side of the road. She calls Winchester Singer Autos and Bobby sends Dean to help her. Will she make it to her Mom in time for Christmas? And will she get back home in time for her shift on Boxing Day?

Wrecked - @atc74. Summary: It has been a while since they’ve been together, and it is going to be so, so good.

Now and Then - @thinkinghardhardlythinking​. Summary: Y/N and Dean met a few years ago, both lost in the uncertainty of their lives which were so far from what they had hoped for them to be, but love affairs end, some with heartbreak. Y/N moves on but when her new life sends her crashing back into Dean’s orbit, she wonders if, for her, it will ever truly be over.

The Next Best Thing - @thinkinghardhardlythinking​. Summary: Y/N can’t bear to risk her friendship with the Winchester’s, but being held captive by the Leviathan versions of her best friends presents the opportunity for the next best thing to a night of no holds barred fun with Sam and Dean.

By My Side (Part 9) - @luci-in-trenchcoats​. Summary: The reader and Jensen have a relaxing afternoon where they discuss their future with one another…

Legally Yours-Ch. 05 - @smol-and-grumpy​. Summary: Dean Winchester tops the list of hottest entrepreneurs 2020 and yet, there’s still something he wants but can’t have because, in order to get that, he would have to settle down and get married. She agrees too quickly because she wants to secure a more comfortable life for her and her daughter. Will she be able to help Dean get what he wants without losing herself in the fake story they spin up to deceive his father and the world?

By My Side (Part 8) - @luci-in-trenchcoats​. Summary: Jensen and the reader still feel as though something is wrong even after securing the team of people hired to come after them. But the pair will come to discover the threat has always been someone they never considered and some of their most important assumptions have been wrong the whole time…

What I Want Most-One - @smol-and-grumpy​. Summary: Dean’s life has been all work and no play lately. When Gabe, his friend, coerced him into tagging along to a club, he couldn’t say no as Gabe has been pestering him for a while now. What Dean didn’t expect was that he’d meet his match in that club in the form of a stunning woman with underlying daddy issues.

Have Mercy - @jensengirl83​. Summary: Dean and the reader’s relationship strained as he keeps pulling away from her. At her wit’s end, she gives him an ultimatum. What will he decide and how will it affect their relationship?

By My Side (Part 7) - @luci-in-trenchcoats​. Summary: Jensen hires a team to help watch over the reader after the events of the night before but his suspicions are high and that might not have been the smartest move on his part…

In The Middle - @impala-dreamer​. Summary: After a long, dirty hunt, there’s nothing the boys like more than a long, dirty time with their favorite toy.

Bigger Dreams - @idreamofplaid​. Summary: Sometimes dreams can change, and sometimes they can work out even more beautifully than you imagined.

I’m Coming - @deanwanddamons​. Summary: A video call with Jensen. What could be better?

Legally Yours-Ch. 04 - @smol-and-grumpy​. Summary: Dean Winchester tops the list of hottest entrepreneurs 2020 and yet, there’s still something he wants but can’t have because, in order to get that, he would have to settle down and get married. She agrees too quickly because she wants to secure a more comfortable life for her and her daughter. Will she be able to help Dean get what he wants without losing herself in the fake story they spin up to deceive his father and the world?

soaring, carried aloft on the wind...continued 17

A story for Xichen and Mingjue, in another time and another place.

The Beifeng, the mighty empire of the north, invaded more than a year ago, moving inexorably south and east.

In order to buy peace, the chief of the Lan clan has given the Beifeng warlord a gift, his second oldest son in marriage. However, when Xichen finds out he makes a plan.

He, too, can give a gift to the Beifeng warlord, and he will not regret it.

Part 1: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13  Part 2: 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 … HOME

It’s complete on AO3 here.

Notes: Check the tags if you’re concerned about the pairings ;)

For translations of the entirely fictitious Beifeng language, you’ll have to scroll to notes. I’m only going to translate something that’s not clear in the text. Sadly, there’s just not any other good way to do it on Tumblr!

Chapter 17 Earlier

Xichen didn’t see Jin Guangyao again for days, largely because Mingjue barely let him leave his tent, as though trying to reassure Xichen that Jin Guangyao’s presence created no change. It was less reassuring than he intended, because Xichen thought that if his position here with Mingjue was wholly secure, perhaps he wouldn’t need so much reassuring.

Still, he couldn’t pretend he didn’t enjoy Mingjue’s presence seeping into every empty space of his life. Xichen had already learned that it was as earth-shattering to give pleasure as it was to receive it, and he had spent the winter months making a very thorough exploration of Mingjue’s body. There was almost no end to the things Mingjue was willing to let Xichen try, and he was, himself, remarkably inventive.

But he loved the small domesticity of Mingjue in the morning almost as much, of waking next to him, listening to the way his breathing shifted so suddenly from asleep to awake. He always seemed surprised to find Xichen with him, surprised and delighted, stretching his arms and pulling Xichen to him the same way every day.

With the siege temporarily eased, Mingjue was less busy, and most of what he did was familiar to Xichen, the work of running a city rather than commanding an army. There were internal conflicts to settle, supplies to organize, and plans to make for the future. Mingjue did most of it from the comfort of Xichen’s bed, to the great amusement of his generals. As Mingjue’s grasp of Yuyan and Xichen’s skill in Orera improved, Mingjue began asking Xichen’s opinion about everything, from the small issues of disagreements between the horse trainers and romantic entanglements gone awry, to the bigger and less exciting problems of crop rotation, food storage, and waste removal.

It wasn’t all work. In the down times, he fed Xichen rare mountain plums, massaged his back with jasmine cream and sweet-smelling oils, and braided Xichen’s hair in complicated twists and plaits, as doting a lover as Xichen could ever have imagined, and he reveled in being cared for. The only indulgence Xichen truly felt guilty about involved the copper tub.

Prior to winter, the huge tub had been used mostly for washing clothes. When it had been warmer, Xichen had bathed the way the rest of the Ikarahu did: very quickly in the cold river. Once the weather shifted, bathing tents were set up near the river and a team of Ikarahu mages moved and warmed water for baths. It was still cold, but warmer than Xichen’s bathing at home would have been in winter.

It was not, however, Mingjue’s preference. He liked hot baths and decided to convert Xichen to his point of view.

It took dozens of people to move water from the river on the eastern side of the camp to the huge cauldron that sat on a magical fire in the center of camp. No one seemed to mind obliging their commander, although Xichen found it embarrassing that everyone knew when he bathed. Mingjue had just laughed and asked how it was different than bathing in the communal tents, and Xichen didn’t have an answer for that.

He was immediately won over when he sank into water hot enough to sting, and he nearly cried with happiness. Apparently, the sound he made was such that Mingjue stripped and joined him, settling Xichen in front of him and washing his hair with gentle fingers until Xichen could no longer stand the positively provoking way his body was rubbing against Xichen’s under the water. Xichen rolled over to provoke him back, sloshing water over the sides of the tub in a flurry of kisses. Mingjue’s solution was even messier, pulling Xichen out of the tub and tossing him onto the bed, which made Xichen laugh and shiver at the heat in Mingjue’s eyes. Luckily, the copper tub kept the water warm enough to still be enjoyable after their not-so-brief interlude.

It was almost enough to make him forget the flutter of Jin Guangyao’s long eyelashes when he looked at Mingjue.

Despite Mingjue’s efforts to keep him distracted, Xichen had seen and even talked to Guangyao in the common areas of camp, usually with Huaisang hovering nearby. But sometimes Jin Guangyao was sitting alone, always watching the men and women around him but never interacting. Xichen couldn’t help wondering what Jin Guangyao did to occupy his time.

Xichen finally decided to take the initiative. He couldn’t ignore the man forever. The next time he saw Jin Guangyao alone, leaning on a hitching post and watching the munaku training, he stopped.

“Jin-gongzi, I notice you are fond of the munaku. Have you seen the eagles hunting as well?” Xichen asked, and Jin Guangyao’s smile filled his face.

“Zewu-Jun, this one has only seen them in the distance. Oringa’anhu Ikira says they are too dangerous to approach. They are magnificent, even from afar, although this one would be willing to take the risk.”

He seemed to be watching Xichen’s face carefully, as though gauging his reaction, and Xichen wondered what he was looking for. He made an impulsive decision.

“Jin-gongzi, would you allow me to share a pot of Zhao tea with you tomorrow? I do not know if you have had Ikarahu tea yet, but...it is likely not what you are used to, and it is always a pleasure to drink good tea with someone who appreciates it.”

Jin Guangyao blinked in surprise and then chuckled. “Indeed, Zewu-Jun, this one has tried the...tea. It would be an honor to avoid sampling it again.”

Xichen laughed despite himself. At least they had that in common.

He’d taken Jin Guangyao one of the many potted plants Mingjue had gifted him in the autumn along with the tea. When he arrived, Jin Guangyao was writing at a table piled high with books, something else they had in common. Even though Xichen still found Jin Guangyao more cautious than necessary, always correcting his course to avoid any offense, he was easy to talk to, never at a loss for words, and Xichen’s dislike thawed. It was harder to hate someone he didn’t know.

However, the first time Jin Guangyao visited Xichen, more than two weeks after he arrived, was entirely without warning on a bath day. Jin Guangyao had shown himself to be so unflaggingly proper in every other way, his unannounced appearance at the tent entry came as an unwelcome shock. It wasn’t precisely rude, but it set Xichen off balance, and he had to scramble to recover.

“Zewu-Jun, the camp is so large! There must be a thousand tents. This one struggled to find this tent, only to discover how near it is after walking down many other rows,” Jin Guangyao laughed, bright and winsome as he shook snow off his clothes, and it helped erase Xichen’s annoyance at being interrupted.

And then Jin Guangyao saw Mingjue sitting cross-legged on the bed, his still-damp braids loose around his shoulders. It was obvious the moment Guangyao noticed him, because his posture changed slightly, as though a rope was pulled taut inside his body, and he bowed respectfully.

“Ipira’orhew Ikira, this one did not expect such an honor.”

Mingjue was eating a plum, cutting into it with the sharp blade of a small curved dagger, and he nodded at Jin Guangyao with a smile. Xichen took that to mean he didn’t mind Jin Guangyao’s presence, so he invited the man to join them. Xichen had been playing the guqin before Jin Guangyao arrived, and he wasn’t sure if he should continue, but Mingjue grinned beseechingly at him.

“Edas ahora, will you finish the song?”

Xichen sat back down behind the instrument, settling his fingers against the strings. Jin Guangyao chose one of the large cushions in front of Xichen to sit on, but only after darting an assessing look at Mingjue that was altogether too interested.

“Zewu-Jun is a master musician,” Jin Guangyao exclaimed, his dark eyes alight with what looked like genuine admiration when Xichen finished a song about peonies fading in summer.

“Thank you, Jin-gongzi,” Xichen replied, unable to be informal in the face of this man’s unflinching politeness.

“Do you play?” Mingjue asked, laying back against the bed pillows and crossing his ankles.

He popped a piece of plum in his mouth and raised his eyebrows curiously. He looked relaxed and decadent, and, in Xichen’s opinion, gorgeous. Xichen was not surprised by the minute flare of Jin Guangyao’s nostrils and fleeting lift of his eyebrows before he shook his head regretfully.

“Only a little. This one’s skill is minor by comparison. My talents lie elsewhere.” He looked away with a flush, and added, “I write poetry, sometimes.”

Xichen played through two more songs before Mingjue stretched, back arched, arms above his head, catching both Xichen and Jin Guangyao’s full attention. He got up and kissed Xichen’s forehead, touching a thumb to his lips. “Da iko auha, Ahora’ipa.”

To Xichen’s surprise, he ruffled the top of Jin Guangyao’s head on his way out. “I see you, too, Guangyao.”

The look that passed over Jin Guangyao’s face was mostly baffled. But not entirely.

“He does have that effect,” Xichen murmured, trying to repress the flare of irritation.

Jin Guangyao instantly schooled his expression into neutrality. “He is different than this one expected,” he said flatly, and then added with a deferential tip to his head, “Zewu-Jun, may this one ask? What does Ahora’ipa mean?”

It was an interesting question, as Xichen was quite sure Jin Guangyao knew precisely what the endearment meant. But perhaps he was asking for the deeper understanding of the phrase, which Xichen himself was still not fully sure of.

“It means ‘well loved,’ and it seems to be the Ikarahu equivalent to Zewu-Jun. When my family arranged the treaty with the Ikarahu, one of the terms was that I would be given…” Xichen paused, trying to be mindful of the lie he is about to tell. “I would be given ‘equal status.’ I believe it is in acknowledgement of my rank as my father’s heir and commander.”

Although it was true that the contract specified that he was “given in equal status,” Xichen had never understood why he was granted a title, as he knew perfectly well the title was not part of the agreement for Wangji, nor was it part of the rewritten contract Xichen created. Perhaps it had been in an earlier draft of the negotiations, but to ask would make it clear that he deceived the Ikarahu without his family’s knowledge, and he was still not certain how that news would be received. If nothing else, it would disclose how he had lied to them, and he was not eager to face that revelation.

Jin Guangyao nodded thoughtfully, a small crease between his eyes. “It is a title, then. Undoubtedly one that has been earned, given the way it is said around camp.”

Xichen felt his cheeks heating, and he was quick to soften the possible insult that, despite their similar status and station, Jin Guangyao was given no title by the Ikarahu, “Ipira’orhew Ikira is fond of endearments for people he knows well. Ahora’ipa, treasured one, beloved man…it is just his way.”

Jin Guangyao smiled, wider than Xichen had seen before. “You are different than I expected as well,” he said, creasing the dimples into his cheeks.

The shift to informality took Xichen by surprise, as did the implication that Jin Guangyao had expectations of Xichen. How could he have known anything about Xichen other than gossip?

“Your brother sends his regards,” Jin Guangyao said softly, and Xichen jolted upright, standing before he could take a breath.

He dropped to the ground next to Jin Guangyao and gripped his hand. “You have seen Wan...Hanguang-Jun?” he asked, hoping, hoping.

“No, Zewu-Jun,” Jin Guangyao said kindly. “I wrote to him to congratulate him on being made heir of the Lan clan and again when my father...when I was asked to come here.”

He has already been announced as heir. Of course his father would not delay. Wangji must hate it, Xichen thought, and his heart sank when he realized that all he had done was lock his brother in a second prison instead of the first.

No, he could not believe that. At least at home, Wangji would have the chance for happiness with his archer. Here, there would have been no hope. Wangji was fair and just, and he would learn to be a fine leader of the Lan clan.

“Did he...send anything...for me?” The question feels childish, and he knew it was unfair to expect his brother to send a message when Xichen had not, but he was filled with an overwhelming sense of loss for the conversations he would never have with his brother. This was the closest he had been to Wangji in months; he couldn’t help asking.

Did he imagine the hesitation?

“No, Zewu-Jun, but he did say he had not heard from you since you left?” Jin Guangyao said tentatively, the question in his voice inviting Xichen to explain.

Xichen felt guilty for suspecting him of hiding something. It was Xichen who was hiding. He couldn’t even explain it. He couldn’t explain all the letters he wrote and discarded, the words he did not dare share with his brother. Wangji would never believe him. I am sorry I deceived you. I am happy here. And even if I was not, you are safe.

In the end, he had written only once to his father, shortly after his birthday, saying the words he knew would protect his brother and the Cloud Recesses. This is my choice. I am safe. Evidently his father had not chosen to share that with Wangji, which is an anger Xichen can not show Jin Guangyao. For the first time, he wonders if he made a mistake in not trying to convince Wangji that he was happy. He hadn’t wanted to drive a wedge between his father and brother, and he hadn’t been certain if Wangji would believe anything he said. No, he knows Wangji. He would be angry with Xichen for deceiving him, but he was prudent and thoughtful, and he would never endanger the Cloud Recesses. A contract was a contract, no matter how much he might hate it. Understanding of the ramifications and his natural cautiousness would keep Wangji from taking any action.

“I left abruptly and...I was angry,” he said, hoping Jin Guangyao would accept his equivocation. “Anything I said now would be a disappointment to them.”

Jin Guangyao’s peals of laughter sounded forced from him, and he covered his mouth. Xichen raised his eyebrows, puzzled.

“Oh, Zewu-Jun,” he finally managed, “It is only that...I have never considered what it would be like to not disappoint my family.”

It was such a terrible thing to say, Xichen felt it must be the truth. He wanted to reassure Jin Guangyao, but he didn’t know this man or his family, and he didn’t want to appear either cruel or condescending.

“My brother would not be disappointed in me, but I did not want to put him in the position of having to tell my father that I was not unhappy,” he said, exchanging a truth for a truth.

“No, you do not seem to be.”

Jin Guangyao looked around the tent speculatively and Xichen flushed. He was not ashamed. He was not. He had not expected to ever feel anything but loneliness and resentment, and what he had found was, at the very least, friendship and acceptance. Xichen didn’t think there was any nobility in seeking out unhappiness, but it was difficult to admit his contentment to this man who was his countryman.

“Of course, I mean no judgement, Zewu-Jun,” he added, understanding Xichen’s reaction. “But if you would like the company of someone who can, perhaps, appreciate your situation, I would take comfort in having a friend who can appreciate mine.”

The words meant one thing, Xichen thought. But the slow smile and the sidelong look said something quite different indeed.

Notes: Da iko auha, Ahora’ipa. = I will return, Ahora’ipa

I want to have them all on Tumblr, so. Here are my reaction posts, in order, for Resolution of the Daleks and season 12, part 1!

Resolution of the Daleks

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Resolution! Spoilers, obviously!

Okay, negative first, just to get it out of the way. Doctor Who, I really appreciate that you consistently have queer minor characters and queer couples. Just super casual and all, as it should be. Now can you please stop killing off half of said couples? Angstrom's wife, Frankie, now this young guy? It's really not cool.

Don't think the voiceover worked. I feel the prologue would have worked better with just visuals.

Again, Yaz didn't have much to do. The Doctor got a ton of action, Ryan and Graham both had significant interactions with Aaron, Yaz was... just kind of there. I'm hoping that when the show comes back in a year, now that Ryan has largely dealt with his issues, Yaz will get more attention?

UNIT was killed by Brexit?! Fuckin' rude!

Okay, on to the positive!

The Dalek was, frankly, fucking scary. Despite knowing that the Doctor would beat it, obviously, it caused huge swathes of damage and racked up a... rather high body count. Like it felt like a proper threat. Also, its ability to stop the TARDIS tracking it and stuff. Lin's terror felt extremely genuine and it was just nice and horrific overall, like - if it wasn't for the Doctor, it would feel like a genuine threat to the entire Earth.

(Also, it shut down the wifi. On New Years Day. What a monster!)

Oh man that Dalek laughter. Creepy as fuck. The Doctor dragging it in via hologram to dare it to laugh in her face? Fucking iconic.

"I've learned to think like a Dalek." Oof.

Doctor vs Dalek. Not just the physical aspect, but the mental part - the Doctor recognising the seriousness of it, but also having that element of cockiness ("Oh, mate") because, frankly, she's dealt with bigger threats. She's right when she points out that the biggest problem will be if regular humans try to engage it!

Elements of Dark!Doctor when she asks the team - almost desperately - if she gave it enough chances, if she was nice enough. Because the Doctor can get fucking scary around Daleks and she knows it. She's nice. She's friendly. But she's also the Doctor, and the Doctor has done some really damn questionable things to stop the Daleks, and she knows that. Fantastically done and I still desperately want some proper Dark!Doctor.

Really liked the parallels between the Doctor using scrap to make her sonic screwdriver, vs the Dalek using scrap to make its armour. The Doctor makes a tool, the Dalek makes items of war. Of course, well, the Doctor is probably more dangerous just with a swiss army sonic than a Dalek blaster...

I love how the whole, "Dads are complicated... so I've heard" bit could refer to either the loom thing or the Doctor having actual parents or the Doctor being a shitty dad themself XD

Graham was so excited to show off the TARDIS! Like he's just going, "How cool is this?!"

There were some legitimately funny moments! Graham's chair, "I suppose... we'll have to have a... conversation?", "Junkyard chic"... UNIT was killed by Brexit like that's so awful but. But in a kind of funny way.

Okay, now the unsure. Ryan, Graham, and Aaron. Ryan and Graham have sorted out their issues - but Aaron is still such a big overshadowing part of it that it's a bit of a shock when he comes back in. As someone with a similarly shit biological father, I was completely empathising with Ryan in the coffee shop conversation. And I do understand why they wanted reconciliation, so they showed Aaron as acknowledging his bullshit and Ryan ultimately choosing to forgive and save him.

But it's just... not that easy. It's not all going to be perfect just because they stopped a Dalek together. Aaron's neglect hurt Ryan really badly, and it just felt... too easy? Like it helped that Aaron was genuinely contrite, and that he had that good stepfather talk with Graham, but just... yeah, not sure how I feel about it, honestly.

The Doctor's first words to him being, "You weren't at Grace's funeral. Ryan waited for you, you let him down" were so, so good. Like the Doctor is just going "fuck you I'm his father now". Like tbh I think she was 100% prepared to yeet him off the TARDIS and be done with it. Like damn don't emotionally hurt one of her crew.

Some wonderfully savage lines, though. The Doctor's, "You're almost making up for your parenting deficit!"; Aaron and Ryan's, "Is that how you talk to your dad?" "I don't know, he's not been around"; Graham's fucking smirk when Ryan pointedly calls him 'Gramps'.

I did see a suggestion that would have made it much better - instead of the Dalek capturing Aaron, it captures Ryan. First, it ups the threat in the mind of the Doctor and Team TARDIS - this isn't some dickhead, this is one of them. And instead, it's Aaron who reaches out to Ryan, Aaron who risks his life, Aaron who has to come through for Ryan, instead of the other way around. Also would have tied in beautifully with, "Family isn't about DNA, or a name. It's about what you do, and you haven't done enough."

Also, 'srs tech skillz'. With a Z. Doctor why.

In conclusion, I am going to fight Nigel Farage for killing UNIT.

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Spyfall part 1

Current response to Doctor Who: making a near-literal SDKFJHGSDASDKFH sound, grabbing a cushion, nearly throWING THE CUSHION.

More intelligent commentary when my brain comes back online.

-

Okay. Am calm. Am good! We're good.

MAJOR SPOILERS for Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 1!

So yeah I actually literally screamed (kind of... scream-laugh-holy-shit-yes). Like, even before Dhawan finished speaking the, "Or should I say spy... Master?" line because of the way he had said 'spymaster' in full in the line before and there's nothing that grabs my brain like that one word in that one context. It wasn't quite as mindblowing as the Utopia reveal, since, let's face it, it's only been a season since we last saw that magnificant arsehole, but still.

(Actually, since I didn't watch Twelve's run, the last time I saw them was exactly a decade ago in The End of Time, broadcast New Years Day 2010. And I still fucking cry over, "Get out of the way." So. That may have been why I literally screamed lmao)

I mean. It's the Master. I can't not. They're my favourite jerk. This is probably slightly concerning.

Anyway. Comments!

The good

Episode was just flat-out exciting. It reminded me both of the Three and Ten eras, a bit? Fun gadgets, fancy suits, and what ends up being a giant game! Did start wondering when they were talking about spies and codes and stuff. It's basically a puzzle that's been set up for the Doctor to solve. Plus, the way she was pretty much enlisted into it! Thirteen and Dhawan!Master might end up having a more Pertwee-Delgado-esque dynamic, maybe? I would be down for that!

(My introductory episode to the Master was The Mind of Evil. Let's just put it that way XD)

"I'm her best enemy." <3

I mean, in retrospect, isolated house full of high-tech stuff and a wall full of books about the Doctor... oh honey. Long, looong game of playing Spies and Conspiracies just for, apparently, the sheer funsies of it. Oh, honey. They're such a disaster and I love them.

The reveal scene, Jodie's acting. The way she just... freezes and hunches in on herself. She's been hiding her past more than other Doctors have in the past, and suddenly, here is her past!! Right here!! Laughing and joking and right there in front of her! And she's just like, "Ohhh shit, I was not ready to have this conversation again..."

Yasmin and Ryan's dynamic. I do like that they split up the usual combos of Thirteen-Yasmin and Graham-Ryan for once, because I do like seeing the way they play off each other! It makes them feel more cohesive as a group. I liked Ryan trying to comfort Yasmin after her experience.

Post-reveal, I'm now wondering if the weird zappy forest thing is the Master's TARDIS? Something to do with changing and processing DNA into something else? Something based around neurons, with the electric travelling system? Am also wondering what happened to Yasmin while in there, since she seemed to be processed in some way, and I'm wondering if she had part of her DNA rewritten as well - or maybe if she's been replaced entirely, like she's currently piloting an alien version of her own body while her actual self is still in there. They did already do that with Flesh!Amy, though.

Once this arc is over, I think Thirteen is definitely going to have to sit down and tell the Fam who the hell she actually is. Graham is having some serious questions, and the Master was definitely egging that on, pre-reveal.

How much do I love that even in a tux, the Doctor still has the culottes and boots? A lot, that is how much. Also, how much do I love the Doctor in a suit and on a motorbike? A lot, that is how much.

"I've had an upgrade." <3

Thirteen playing Snap. It's okay, Thirteen, you still win my heart <3

"Worst! Uber! Ever!!"

"Kisses!" Yes, we know ;) They've been texting! Someone write me a WhatsApp chat fic with plenty of subtext and double meaning, I require it. Also, memes. You know it's true. The Master isn't a Time Lord, they're a Meme Lord.

"Everything you think you know is a lie." Season hook? :o

The hmm

Main concern is how they're handling the Master's characterisation? Last we saw, they were so ready to jump the Doctor ship. Now it's back to games. Kind of wondering if that means the Master is just at the point of being resigned that they and the Doctor just don't work and so is going back to games because at least it makes them happy, but I'm happy to wait until next week to see how things play out!

Did see a suggestion that this is the Master from one of the alternate universes (or at least that seems to be the general consensus on why there were multiple maps), so not actually necessarily the same version as Missy. Alternatively, this could actually be a pre-Missy version! Maybe between Simm!Master and Missy, since we never actually see that regeneration?

Actually, if this is the one immediately before Missy and this two-parter ends with the Master regenerating and we actually do get Thirteen and Missy together on screen I may cry.

(Like I'm aro-ace and agender but I'm still so gay for both of them. There is no word other for this emotion other than 'I'm gay'.)

I kind of wish someone had double-checked the name of the company because VOR running the world is. Is. "Right now, VOR is more powerful than most nations." Just. *pinches bridge of nose* Like okay you know how we say 'oh yeah just google it' 'yeah I googled it' are they really gonna say 'yeah I just VO

'I'm going to V

I can't say it. I can't.

Apparently the Australia scenes were filmed in South Africa. Kind of assumed it wasn't really Australia as soon as I saw actually greenery in the background h e h.

Highkey wish I could have seen Missy and Thirteen together. Dhawan!Master is very fun so far but. Missy and Thirteen. See comment above about the Master's characterisation!

...ABC are you really going to keep to Thursday night broadcasts even after the UK switches their Sunday nights / our Monday mornings? Well that's a good way to guarantee I'll be watching them online first! I was happy to wait twelve hours or so so I could watch it with Mum, but like hell I'm going to wait three and a half days!

In conclusion, am dead, send help, is it Monday morning yet?

-

Spyfall part 2

Thoughts on Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 2!

GALLIFREY LOOOOORE.

Oh man I'm hyped. We got a teeny teaser to the Timeless Child way back last decade but now we may actually get to see what the fuck is going on. And hell, if nothing else, at least the discovery is being teased to be so devastating it did undo Missy's characterisation. If this incarnation of the Master is after her, at least. Still not necessarily anything to suggest that. The Master will likely be recurring over this season, so we'll find out more, at least!

God, the Master is so fucked up. Like. He's seen something apparently so massively traumatic that he had to destroy his own planet and legitimately does look broken by it? Unless he was acting, but I did not get that impression from the message at the end. And the only way he can think of to get the Doctor's attention is to start his old tricks? Not sure if it's better or worse for him to be pre-Missy tbh.

It's just... such an interesting dynamic. Also I really want to read into the whole... scene where the Master asks the Doctor to kneel and call him 'Master' in front of everyone - then, when she does (defiantly! Stubbornly!), he... kneels to be at the same level as her. Like, "I'm going to play these BDSM-esque power games with you but when it comes down to it, I still consider us equal."

Anyway the Master is def a service top.

This comment from Tumblr user upslapmeal:

"'why would it stop? I mean how else would I get your attention’ what did I say about the Master being like a cat knocking things off shelves"

I mean. Yeah.

"Contact." Old school.

The Companions! They get a capital C because they were rad as hell. I love them all deciding that what they do next is: carry on to save the world. Like they're all heroic af without the Doctor and it's so good.

"Don't make me do a soft-shoe shuffle!"

And questioning at the end, oooh man. There are some Implications there, yeah. They've found out some surface information, yes, but no real hint at the deeper trauma. And given what this coming season is hinting at, I strongly suspect we will indeed be getting that deeper trauma and maybe even Dark!Doctor. Gallifrey does tend to bring it out of them...

The whole on-the-run thing seemed to definitely be a callback to Sound of Drums. Uh, what's that going to do long-term? Send out a worldwide message saying, "Sorry, our bad, they're fine"? I mean, last time that happened... okay, Jack was already with Torchwood and so is used to Not Really Existing, but Martha definitely couldn't go back to fuckin' medical school. She ended up at UNIT and then went independent. They did not return to their normal lives.

Barton: needs a goddamn punch. He killed his mother what the fuck. On the plus side, at least he seems to have thoroughly destroyed his career? Be interesting to see if he reappears later, you don't go from the most powerful person on the planet to massive pariah overnight without Repercussions.

On to our guest characters! I hate to brag but I guessed who Ada was as soon as I heard her first name and saw her outfit. I mean the computers theme was already there, who else would she be? :D And I admittedly didn't know who Noor Inayat Khan was except in passing, but still. Little upset about the erased memories (Donna ;_; ), but I can see why the Doctor did it and like... this way, I'm glad they were able to avoid the implications of, "Ada only developed computing because she had already seen the future." Like people said that with Rosa Parks even though the Doctor said explicitly to only ensure there were enough seats filled and the act itself was all Rosa, so they may have wanted to play it safe.

I... really want to comment on how Ada definitely was crushing on the Doctor (and really, who wouldn't?), but she was a real person so I shall avoid those implications. (But really though!)

Doctor how many times have you been in someone's liver. This is some Magic School Bus Inside The Human Body bullshit and I love it.

Doctor's recording: "First of all, you're not gonna die! Second of all, don't talk back to the screens, obviously I'm a recording and I can't hear ya. Third, don't panic. Especially you, Graham."

Graham, panicking: "I'M NOT PANICKING!"

Doctor's recording: "Yes, you were! And I did just say, don't talk back to the screens!"

Graham: "????!?!!"

I want an entire series of the Master having a really infuriating seventy-seven years on Earth. Please.

Comments on continuity issues regarding that, "It's worse than Jodrell Bank!" "Did I ever apologise for that?" "No." "Good." exchange XD;; Like people are going, "Continuity error!! It was the Pharos Project, not Jodrell Bank!!" and like. Pharos was a project. Jodrell Bank is an observatory. You can do projects at observatories. Also, you can refer to projects by location, too. Am I referring to the Canberra Deep Space Communication Project or Tidbinbilla Station? Both! They refer to the same thing! In the Whoniverse, they likely did the Pharos Project at Jodrell Bank, and just had some lighthearted bantz about that time where the Master killed the Doctor, no biggie.

So, onwards to... an apparently unrelated episode for next week! Also, the Kassavin? Still there. Like. The Master only gave suggestions. They still have all those agents everywhere! They're still ready to act! And yeah, now they have the Master in their hands, so... I wonder if they'll make the Timeless Child a long, ongoing arc, and have the much more immediate threat of the Kassavin as the season finale?

-

Orphan 55

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Orphan 55!

...whew.

First thought: anvilicious, but some anvils need to be dropped, because, uh, have you seen the world lately.

It feels like quite a brittle episode? Even beyond the immediate tension of 'there are large angry creatures trying to kill everyone', there's just this sense of... like, tension. There's the tension between Benni and Vilma, which at first is kind of a sweet tension then becomes a life-threatening and sad tension. There's the tension between Roger Parslow Silas and his dad, with Silas not being taken seriously (although I do think him running out while they're in life-threatening danger is a bit much). The obvious and major tension between Bella and Kane that drives the whole episode, yes.

And there's also the tension amongst Team TARDIS! The episode starts with the Doctor still in Some Kinda Way about last week, and I felt a bit of tension between Yaz and Ryan? She seemed rather unimpressed by Bella, at any rate. I do like how organic the relationship between Ryan and Graham feels, at least. "It ain't the aliens that are gonna kill me, it’s worrying about you!"

Set and costume building, I felt, was kind of... eh? I liked how Tranquility itself looked, but the tunnels looked Very Generic, and some of the looks I felt didn't really work. Silas and his dad's green hair just looked very obviously fake, and I saw a description of Hyph3n-with-a-three looking like a cross between a Jellicle Cat and John Candy in Spaceballs (which... yeah, honestly). And I'm not sure about the Dregs, although I did initially have the thought that whatever the original inhabitants of the planet were, they must have been humanoid was amusingly accurate...

"I just pulled this out of a friend of mine! >:("

"Oh! ...We do not make any judgments on our guests and fully support any way you choose to enjoy yourself here at Tranquility Spa! ^_^;;"

"... ... ...It wasn't recreational! o.O"

God you could feel Hyph3n-with-a-three's embarrassment...

"If I had crayons and half a can of Spam, I could build you from scratch!" Excuse me I am at least Tofurky.

Also a logical issue on the whole journey to find Benni, because frankly, it just wasn't... sensible. Okay, bring a kid. Father of the year right there. Okay, bring an old woman. Granted, she could have insisted because it was her man-friend they were looking for, but surely she would have known she would slow them down? Her 'heroic sacrifice' felt very wasted, because dammit, she could have survived if she had stayed in the Dome where it was at least a bit safer!

"At least three eighths of a plan, right here! ...Two eights. I'll be honest, all I've got is the letter 'P'..."

So the Doctor is almost at the point of passing out from oxygen loss but hang on, let her first indulge her curiosity...

The sheer existence of orphan planets is very depressing. The sheer fact that there's at least fifty-five is very depressing.

There's an interesting comment about how straight after discussion of the reveal, the first shot of the preview is the Statue of Liberty. Very Planet of the Apes! (No apes next time, just Tesla vs Edison!) Also feeling a strong connection to Midnight (stunning resort on dangerous planet with a very personal enemy), and I saw a comment about Thirteen unintentionally The-End-Of-The-World-ing the Fam (and making a connection between 'very angry trees' and the Forests of Cheem). Bit of Ravolox. Bit of... fuck what was it... Curse of Fenric.

Although, we know that the Earth will eventually be consumed by the sun, and it was done in a way that was like... it was its time. This was not its time, was a colossal fuck-up on a planetary scale (and the Doctor continues to be 'eat the rich'), but it's also only one potential future. Which is good, because that got dark. Even more than The End of the World, even more than Utopia, even more than fuckin' Frontios, because this is the near-future. The shots we saw of the destruction were modern day! That was the Dome of the Rock you saw getting bombed!

"Be smarter than what made you." PAGING THE GOVERNMENT...

Going to put it on a solid... maybe 7/10? Some really good elements in there, but also some clunkers, and unfortunately not a patch on the same writer's It Takes You Away, which was one of the strongest of the last season.

-

Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror!

Opinion before episode: man, Tesla's cool. Opinion after episode: man, Tesla is fuckin' cool! :D That was a well-done personality-based historical, absolutely - I think it's my second-favourite personality-based historical only to Rosa (there are other pseudo-historical based ones set in the past that I love, but they're not personality-based; the Human Nature duology is a good example).

But yeah, Tesla just came across as a really, really cool character. Genius and he knew it, yes, and the real Tesla did have some questionable views (sexism, mostly), but otherwise the archetypal Idealistic Genius who wants to change the world for the better. Contrast with Edison, who was... a businessman. With, like, a really punchable face. Still pretty intelligent, but... very, very punchable. I've read about the Tesla-Edison feud before and always sided with Tesla, and let's face it, so did the writer XD

Good mix of character combinations - with a lot of characters, it's easy for someone to get sidelined, but this managed to handle Thirteen and the Fam, and Tesla, Dorothy, and Edison, pretty well. There were some neat combinations, like Ryan and Dorothy bonding over the sense of adventure, and Graham and Edison's confrontation; I also really loved the whole conversation between Thirteen and Tesla on the joy of just... creating. There's actually a very nice overlap between arts and sciences.

Antagonists - not bad? I feel a lot of people were expecting the Racnoss, and there was such a similarity that I would have liked at least a throwaway line about how the Skithra were related or something. Ooh man she definitely brought out Dark!Doctor, though. Teleporting the queen back to the ship, specifically so she can be fried? I mean, she might have survived it. Might. And just that fantastic little change of expression when the queen asks the Doctor if she's ever seen a dead planet before! Whittaker pulled that one off.

There's a very interesting compare and contrast between the Skithra and Edison, I found. Thirteen has her speech about how once the Skithra are gone, they won't be remembered. Caput. Forgotten. They left nothing behind. Compare and contrast to Edison, who was openly accused of using other people's work, but who's able to learn from his mistakes, end on an even(ish) setting with Tesla, and who does get remembered. Which kind of stings, honestly, if you look at Tesla's actual history.

Like. Apparently that, "The man just didn't understand the American sense of humour," line was an actual historical line, according to Tesla's own records. The absolute main reason for the difference in fame and recognition is that Tesla was a genius who didn't know how to market. Edison was a marketer who could invent a bit. So in conclusion Edison is a dick and Tesla needs more respect, the end.

Favourite lines and scenes:

Tesla: "Is - is this your own design?" Thirteen: "I made it! Mainly out of spoons! :D" Tesla: "You're an inventor! :D" Thirteen: "I have my moments." Tesla: "I knew it! So you... so, you can understand how it feels, you know, when you have an idea, and - and to make it real. I don't think there's any greater thrill!" Thirteen: "I couldn't agree more." Tesla: "You... you spoke of aliens. People here laugh at the very idea." Thirteen: "But not you." Tesla: "Well, apparently I'm not like other people. It can be difficult, you know, to feel no one else sees the world the way you do. It's like you're, uh..." Thirteen: "...out of place."

Graham: "Yeah, still. I bet you'd jump at the chance to have him back working for you, wouldn't ya?" Edison: "Yeah?" Graham: "Yeah!" Edison: "How d'you figure that?" Graham: "'Cause I had a supervisor like you at my old depot. And men like you don't pay a bloke that much attention unless you think there's a payout comin'."

Thirteen: "I wouldn't go killing me and Yaz. 'Cause Yaz... can tell you what this is." Yaz: "It's a camera!" Thirteen: "Bingo!" *FLASH!*

Edison: "I couldn't figure it out either." Tesla: "The internal dimensions transcend the external." Thirteen: *GRIN* Edison: ._.

Thirteen: "You do realise, it's killing Edison that they want you and not him? ;D"

Graham: "Don't worry. This ain't our first rodeo!" Ryan: "We've never been to a rodeo." Graham: "...you're not helping, Ryan..."

Thirteen: "And what are you queen of, exactly? A stolen ship and second-hand guns? A queen of shreds and patches. You're not a ruler, you're a parasite." Queen: "And what are you? So clever, stealing onto my ship, taking what I claim as mine. But where has it got you? No weapons. No armour. No escape. Just the desperate hope you might change my mind." Thirteen: "No, we are way past that. I gave you your chance." Queen: "A chance to be like you?" Thirteen: "A chance to evolve. But you were too stupid to take it. When you die, there'll be nothing left behind - just a trail of blood and other people's brilliance. No one will even know you existed."

(Side note: I love that this speech was actually in front of the companions. They're starting to see that things are Not Okay.)

Thirteen: "Don't give up." Yaz: "Whatever anyone says." Tesla: "Well, let them talk. The present is theirs. I work for the future... and the future is mine."

Favourite incorrect lines:

Thirteen and Tesla, firing at the ship: "VIBE CHECK!"

-

Fugitive of the Judoon

I'M GONNA... NEED A HOT MOMENT TO PROCESS THAT...

-

WELL I. UH. OKAY.

lmao I'm serious I don't even know where to begin.

Uh, some very disorganised comments on Doctor Who - Fugitive of the Judoon!

I squealed when I heard Jack's voice then saw him in the flesh. I gasped audibly when 'Ruth' broke the glass. I yelped when we saw the buried TARDIS. I MAY HAVE SCREAMED A LITTLE WHEN 'RUTH' INTRODUCED HERSELF.

(Also can we talk about her outfit. That was on point.)

I'm getting a very... very early vibe? She didn't know what the sonic screwdriver was, and that was introduced with Troughton. Since we saw the Hartnell-Troughton regeneration, she must be pre-Hartnell? Maybe a Doctor whose memories were rewritten to the point that they thought the Hartnell incarnation was the earliest? Not to mention that was a pretty old-school-looking TARDIS!

Alternatively, maybe between Troughton and Pertwee? Either option has some inconsistency - if she's post Troughton, she should have known what the sonic was, although it admittedly did look very different. Plus, her TARDIS is already its police box shape, which was implied to have set in the junkyard. Also, we never actually do see the regeneration between Two and Three, and it could explain why Gallifrey was after her - she escaped after her trial after The War Games!

Definitely early, though.

Alternatively alternatively, Thirteen actually does say 'time is swirling around me'. Maybe an alternate timeline. Something to tie back to the Timeless Child?

"I've lived for thousands of years, so long I've lost count. I've had so many faces. How long have you known me? You don't know me. Not even a little bit."

That wasn't just aimed at the companions. I feel that was aimed at the Doctor themself.

(Related: the response from the fam was flat-out beautiful. Doesn't matter who she was or who she'll be. They know her now, and they love her.)

Just. Wow. Wow.

Really cool note from Twitter - disguised name was Ruth Clayton. Ruth = 'friend, companion'. Clayton = 'of the Earth'. She literally named herself 'friend of the Earth'.

"You're probably a bit confused right now."

I mean. Yeah. Confused and intrigued and what.

"Don't do points! I do points! Points are my thing!"

Jack. Jack. Smooching Graham, hitting on all the companions, getting into Shenanigans! The Lone Cyberman - I wonder if that's a totally different crisis that isn't even related to the current Gallifrey-Timeless Child one? The more important part is Jack's presence - the presence of another time traveller with a... unique relationship with the universe. The actual warning could be a red herring, but Jack showing up anywhere in the first place is a sign that something is happening with time?

Orphan 55 had a timeline that may or may not have been the 'real' one. Being only a potential future kind of doesn't work with what we know of established DW continuity, so I'm liking the 'alternate timeline' theory, maybe?

Ryan: "I liked him. Kind of cheesy."

Yaz: "But good cheesy."

Thirteen, smiling: "That's Jack."

Graham just standing there going, "He kissed me tho? ...Wasn't bad, actually."

"Is she safe?" Jack, honestly, is she ever safe?

"When she needs me... I'll be there." Oh yeah, he's so coming back later this season.

Also, Judoon, chameleon arch, the Master, Jack - getting big season 29 vibes here and that's a big thumbs up for me because that's my favourite season. We just need Martha to make an appearance now!

...hehe honestly, between Jodie's entire existence, and now, in the span of five episodes, introducing Dhawan!Master, Gat, and now Jo Martin as the first black female Doctor, and reintroducing Jack, one of the most overtly and openly queer characters on the series, the 'Doctor Who is too PC!' bunch are going to be so mad XD

"A platoon of Judoon... near the moon." / "Look at you, your platoon of Judoon near the... that lagoon..."

Man. The close-up in the very first shot of the watch. Nice tie-in.

"The Doctor never uses weapons!" "I know! Shut up! >.>"

Where do the Kasaavin come into play? Is this something they've done by integrating themselves throughout time and space? Maybe they're fraying the fabric?

My mind is blown. I can't wait for the rest of this season :D

-

[Part 2 - Praxeus to The Timeless Children]

So, there’s several different aspects of punishment that the criminal system is trying to do, none of them well. I’ll try considering how to best optimize them individually, and then mentally expose them to other considerations to arrive at something not totally evil (something still feels a bit off about my results, this is a first draft). Only reblog if you’re going to do a dry effortpost about crucial considerations left out and a better way to do things taking those considerations into account.

The aspects: 1: Retribution: Someone hurt you, so you want them to suffer. 2: Deterrence: Preemptively prevent people from doing [thing] by guaranteeing that bad things happen to them if they do [thing]. 3: Prevention: If someone does [thing], you do something so they don’t do [thing] again. 4: Reparation: If someone does [thing], you take resources from them to pay back for the damage caused. 5: Preemption: Do stuff that makes [thing] less likely to occur in the first place, like after-school programs or something. For maximizing retribution: Well, that’s just called torture. For maximizing deterrence... well, certainty of punishment plays a bigger role than magnitude of punishment, so some 100% certain moderately bad thing is visited upon you when you commit a crime. For maximizing prevention... idk, a magic rock that when you touch it, it instantly wipes any desire to commit crimes. Or a teleporter to extradimensional australia where someone walks in and they don’t come out. For reparation... fines seem pretty sensible. And for preemption, that’s just structuring society in ??? way s.t. there’s no incentive to commit crimes in the first place. Now, a lot of the earlier-mentioned stuff is pretty evil when taken to extremes, so let’s try throwing a moral parliament at this. Retribution: Ok, this one gets a whole lot of shit as not a morally valid motive, and I think there’s a lot of people who, if given a magic criminality-wiping rock, would have “touch the rock” as their only legal consequence. I don’t know about that, desire for retribution is pretty clearly a terminal value. If a man shot someone’s dog, and then they touched the magic rock and were remorseful and would never do something like that again... then, according to my personal sense of which worlds are better, it’d be clearly better if they also got kicked in the nuts by the dog owner, even though that doesn’t affect anything going forward. With that said, however, there’s still all the other moral considerations about. Disproportionate retribution like Hell or Azkaban or spending a decade or two in prison gets a very strong veto from the rest of the moral system, and it isn’t even that satisfying to the retribution value. If someone burns down my house, I don’t want them to spend several years in a dreary place with their life on hold, either no or bad company, a high risk of rape, and then find it impossible to come back into society, that’s just depressing, excessive, and not even that satisfying as punishment. Retribution-Value says it’d be much more awesome to just beat the shit out of them with a stick, or sting them with a bullet ant. I also think that, if given a choice between the latter options and prison, I’d take getting beat up in a heartbeat. There’s a tremendous amount of risk with the legal system having retribution as a purpose, because there’s no incentive for mercy there. The prisoners cannot vote, and the people voting for what to do with criminals are not going to go in the direction of “more mercy”, signalling is going to take it to really bad extremes. Also (Retribution-Value says), hurting someone yourself is way better than having someone do it for you, and (Mercy-Value says), there’s a possible check in the latter case that isn’t present in the former case, namely, the person doing the punishing feeling bad. There is, however, still a slippery slope of being permitted to come up with increasingly nasty retributions to do to people. So, the best option for retribution seems something like “if you were greatly wronged, you get a chance to personally beat up the person, someone’s nearby to ensure you don’t do permanent harm”. For stuff like imposing a bullet ant sting, that’d take a great deal more care because past a certain point, increased intensity of pain doesn’t make someone look like they’re suffering more, so you’d need incredibly strong restrictions on not adding additional painful options (example of failure mode: “yo we found this one species of centipede that hurts like 3x as bad as a bullet ant, let’s add that to the allowable retribution list”), or a rule like “you’ve gotta personally go through a quarter of what they’re going through, choose your retribution accordingly” to give more of an incentive towards not being too cruel for really vengeful people. I don’t trust any civilization to be able to stick to those rules, so I guess “you get to personally beat up the criminal, but not cause permanent damage” is about as good as you’d get. Retribution-Value says this is awesome, and other values don’t object too hard. 2: Deterrence. Magnitude of punishment isn’t as important for deterrence as certainty of being caught, so I guess just ramp up the number of police, and do the Singapore thing of caning. I’d definitely take that over prison and it seems like a pretty effective deterrent. Or maybe “eat this ghost pepper”. Having devastating punishments that are infrequently applied is just the exact wrong way to go about this. 3: Prevention. I don’t really know what works for this one, having not done a literature review. I will, however, observe that putting someone in a place stuffed with repeat criminals and then tanking their ability to get honest work once they get out is a uniquely awful way of preventing future crimes. An aspect of this is incapacitation, where a repeat offender has to be kept in prison because otherwise they’d totally do [thing] again. If you need to incapacitate someone, prison seems like an uneccessarily cruel way to do it, just design, like, a big apartment, throw in an unlimited supply of video games and weed, and drop the solitary confinement part. Or, if you really really need to make sure someone stops interacting with others, period, just cryopreserve them. Thinking about it a bit more, these two feel unsatisfactory, there’s probably better options. Also, I’d be quite worried about using crime-stop magic rock for this one, because we have instances of moral progress (legalization of weed, gay rights) which relied on people breaking the law, so sufficiently advanced deterrence or prevention may shut down lawbreaking for bad laws. I’d take a bullet ant over the magic rock if the magic rock enforced compliance to the laws of the US, because there’s a lot of really dumb laws. 4: Reparation. Idk, fines? Community service seems like a way of doing reparation, but I’m a bit leery of it because it saps time instead of money. 5: Preemption. Again, I don’t really know what’d be effective here, and there’s the aforementioned issues with sufficiently advanced deterrence/prevention/preemption taking away the recovery mechanism for bad laws. And there’s one last thing that hasn’t really been discussed but also feels like a terminal value. The desire for the person to realize how bad the thing they did was. I think one of the original motives for prison back in the 1700′s-1800′s was that the time of solitary reflection would prompt a realization on the part of the prisoner that what they did was wrong (source: half-remembered Focault book), and... it doesn’t really seem like that works. The ideal would be something like the ending of the Eragon series (major spoilers ahead!) So, there’s an evil king who’s been making the land pretty terrible for a while, the hero confronts him, is just about to lose, and then in the last moment manages to fire off a  wordless empathy spell born from the desire for the king to just... understand that what he’s been doing is wrong. And so, he mentally experiences all the consequences of what has happened to all the people of the land since becoming king. Needless to say, full awareness of all the consequences of one’s actions minus scope insensitivity is a pretty severe thing to think about, and the king shortly thereafter commits suicide. Minus the suicide part and the full removal of scope insensitivity part (because wouldn’t that be as bad as all the stuff that has happened up to now?), that just feels deeply right. That there be something to bring awareness of the full ramifications of everything you’ve done and realize that it was wrong. We’re probably not getting that, but it feels like an unusually pure form of justice. So, summary: current penal system sucks, more police, less prison, more minor corporal punishment (for deterrence/punishment), more fines (for reparation), ??? (whatever works) for addressing the cause of crime/somehow ensuring that people don’t do their crime again, if you need incapacitation then you don’t need to be cruel about it, just go for something Lotus-eater-like. You don’t want to be too effective at shutting down crime, because some crime is good when the laws are dumb. Retribution is a terminal value, fite me on this, but it’s best done on a personal level without lasting harm instead of being put in the hands of an impersonal organization with no incentives for mercy. Finally, full awareness of what one has done is something that’d be awesome if it existed.

About that last ask; /184371235079 - I grew up completely sheltered in an abusive household where this interaction was the norm. I've done that to several people I've dated - I didn't know it was manipulation, because I have abandonment issues and little understanding of verbal or written language. I'm in therapy for my illness. I have bad communication skills because I'm on the spectrum. What are some healthy ways to describe when I'm struggling with feeling abandoned and I need reassurance?

(This is in reference to a recent ask where the poster’s boyfriend had accused her of not loving him, tried to dump her and then nearly proposed marriage in the same conversation)

 I’m really sorry to hear that you had that kind of upbringing. It can be extremely difficult to recognize that certain behaviours are not okay if they were consistently presented to you as “normal” when you were growing up - and that’s definitely compounded when you have other issues with your communication and social skills. The good news is, these behaviours can be recognized and they can be changed, in ways that allow you to happier, healthier relationships. So if you consistently struggle with insecurity and you don’t want to be manipulative or abusive to your partner, remember:

Separate jealous and insecure actions from feelings. It is okay to feel jealous or to feel insecure. We’re all human, we all have those kinds of feelings, and we’re entitled to our emotions. What we’re not entitled to is to take those emotions out on our partners. It’s fine to sometimes worry about whether your partner is attracted to you; it’s not okay to accuse your partner of wanting to leave you. Not all feelings need to be acted upon - sometimes, it’s important to recognize “hey, I’m feeling this way, but it really wouldn’t be fair of me to take this out on my partner. I need to find a way to deal with this on my own”. 

Take responsibility for your own insecurity. There is a huge, huge difference between saying “I am feeling insecure and I need extra reassurance right now” and telling your partner “you don’t actually love me”. In the first example, you are taking responsibility for your own feelings and communicating that you are the one experiencing a problem; in the second example, you are dumping all of your issues on your partner and treating them as if they’ve done something wrong. That’s not fair to them. It’s important to both recognize and communicate that you are the source of these feelings - because of your past experiences, traumas, mental illnesses, or all of the above - and that your partner isn’t the cause of the problem. 

Communicate your needs ahead of time. If you know that you tend to struggle with insecurity in relationships, don’t hide the problem until it boils over into a big fight. Talk to your partner about the issue ahead of time, so that the two of you can find ways to make the relationship more comfortable for you. Think carefully about what you need in a relationship to make you feel loved. What would help you feel secure and cared for? Frequent text messages? Daily reminders of your partner’s feelings? Minimizing cell phone use when you’re together? Small public displays of affection? Your partner may not be able to accommodate all of your requests, but together, the two of you should be able to work out some reasonably strategies to keep feelings of abandonment and insecurity to a minimum.

Don’t feed your jealousy or insecurity. Jealousy and insecurity really are monsters; the more you feed them, the bigger they grow. Don’t go hunting for reasons to feel insecure. Stay out of your partner’s phone. Don’t comb through their social media pages multiple times per day. Don’t compare yourself to their exes. Doing these kinds of things only makes insecurities worse, and it starts a vicious cycle - you go on your partner’s phone, you see a friendly text from a friend that makes you feel a little threatened, so you dig further into their privacy, and you uncover more innocent things that set off your suspicions, so you monitor them more closely, and so on… until you eventually reach a point where you basically need to be constantly tracking your partner and getting constant reassurances in order to feel comfortable. That’s not a healthy situation for anyone. And ironically, this kind of behaviour can alienate your partner, which makes you want to track them even more, which pushes them further away, etc. Feeding your insecurities never makes them go away - if only makes them worse. 

Remember that love is not control. Your partner is allowed to have friends - including friends of their preferred gender. They are allowed to spend time with those friends. They are allowed to not share their passwords or phone passcodes with you. When you are negotiating with your partner to try to minimize your abandonment issues, it’s always important to remember that there’s a difference between “reasonable” requests and “controlling” requests. It is fair and reasonable for you to make requests of your partner that concern the relationship and their behaviour toward you - it’s fine to ask for more physical affection, or for brief daily phone calls, or for the two of you to take more selfies together. It’s not okay for you to make requests that limit your partner’s freedoms or privacy - it’s not okay to forbid your partner from seeing certain people, set them a curfew, or demand that they allow you to GPS track their phone. Love is not control. 

Be specific when you raise issues. Telling someone “you don’t love me anymore” or “I bet you’re going to leave me” is not productive - it expresses that you’re not happy, but it doesn’t tell your partner what the problem actually is, or what you need in order to feel more secure in the relationship. Before you have a discussion with your significant other, reflect on your own feelings and try to figure out what is actually bothering you about the relationship. Are you feeling that there is a lack of affection? Are you upset because you haven’t seen as much of your significant other as you would like? Do you feel that they don’t respond to messages as reliably as you would like? Have a conversation about what is specifically causing these feelings, and be prepared for the possibility that you might not get everything you want - relationships are all about compromise. 

Have a signal in place. If you can feel that your insecurities and abandonment issues are going to be particularly bad today, have some sort of way that you can signal that to your partner without lashing out at them. It could be a code word, or a simple statement like “today is a bad day for me”. This lets your partner know that you may need extra affection that day, and that they shouldn’t take any outbursts personally. If there are particular things that help you get through a bad day - favourite music, calling your therapist, going for a walk, etc - plan to also lean on those supports. 

Don’t give ultimatums or threaten the relationship. In the heat of the moment, it can be really, really temping to say something along the lines of “maybe we should just break up”, or “I can’t be in the relationship anymore unless you do X”. It’s basically an emotional trump card - it’s a way to “force” the other person to do what you want them to do, or risk losing the relationship entirely. You might be bluffing, you might not be; either way, ultimatums and threats thrown out in the heat of the moment can seem like an easy way to give yourself an “edge” in the argument, and make the other person cater to your needs. These kinds of tactics, however, are incredibly toxic - you are essentially hijacking the discussion, and emotionally blackmailing your partner into doing what you want. It’s incredibly unfair to your partner, and it makes reasonable conversation impossible. Your partner needs to be able to voice their own concerns and make their perspective heard, and that’s not possible if you go out of your way to make them feel like they’re in danger of getting dumped every time they make you unhappy. Threatening a breakup turns minor discussions into emotional minefields, and it intentionally makes your partner feel like the relationship is built on shifting sand. Don’t do this. If you are going to break up with somebody, think it over carefully, and don’t break up the topic unless you truly mean it. 

Don’t rush into commitment. If you struggle with insecurity, it can be really tempting to try to “lock down” your partner by rushing them into more serious forms of commitment as quickly as you can. Moving in together. Adopting a dog. Getting engaged. Getting pregnant. Consciously or subconsciously, you might feel like you need to entwine your lives early on, to make it as difficult as possible for your partner to possibly leave you. Rushing someone into commitment, though, is almost always a mistake. Many of the big “relationship milestones” are huge responsibilities, and it’s enormously stressful to try to manage joint finances and responsibilities with someone you barely know. There’s a reason why most couples wait for an extended period of time before taking these steps together - it can take a while for two people to get comfortable with each other and figure out if they are truly compatible. And trying to rush someone into commitment before they are ready is emotionally manipulative as well; it can be very easy to start blackmailing someone by implying that they don’t really love you or they aren’t really an adult if they aren’t willing to move in together three months into the relationship.

Don’t look for malicious intent or feed negative thought spirals. There are multiple ways to interpret a person’s words or behaviors. Being in a healthy relationship often requires that you give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and choose not to interpret their actions in a malicious way. If your partner doesn’t text you back quickly, you have to choose to believe that they are just busy - and you have to choose not to tell yourself that they are intentionally ignoring you because they hate you, or that they are flirting with someone else. If your partner hangs out with their attractive friend, you have to believe that they are just friends, instead of letting yourself get suspicious of their relationship. Giving in to negative thoughts and suspicions can cause downward thought spirals, where “they haven’t texted me in an hour” can quickly turn into “they never loved me and they have been faking our whole relationship”. Don’t let your brain go there. Give them the benefit of the doubt, even when it’s hard. 

Have coping mechanisms outside of your partner. It can be really easy to decide that because your insecurities are about your partner, that it is your partner’s job to comfort you. But that’s just not true. Constantly turning to your partner for reassurances can start to get exhausting for them, and it leaves you at risk of panicking if you can’t get ahold of them for some reason. Have other coping mechanisms. This is absolutely vital for the health of any relationship - have hobbies, friends, and activities outside of your partner that you can turn to when you are stressed and upset, even if the relationship is what you’re upset about. When you have healthy coping mechanisms in place, you can deal with the worst of your emotional upset in a constructive way, and get to a place where you can have a calm, reasoned discussion with your partner. 

It’s important to remember that healthy relationships take work - everyone slips up from time to time, and that’s okay. It’s important to own your mistakes, apologize for any harm caused, and keep on working to better yourself. It’s also important to remember that relationships are a two-way street; if you’re making an effort to have a healthy relationship but the other person is not, you might be better off cutting your losses and seeking out a new partner who is more willing to try to live by these ideas. 

Best of luck to you!

Character Arcs and Plot Progression in Moana

(Cross-posted on AO3)

Introduction

Moana is a good, solid movie. The animation is gorgeous, the characters are likable, and the songs are catchy and powerful (with one exception on those latter two, but apparently I’m in the minority on that opinion so we’ll just leave it at that). There are arguably a lot of clichés in it, but I don’t mind that, in theory. The ending was also really good and a fun flip on Disney current trend of twist villains.  

All that said, this is a good movie, but it’s not a great one. When I watched it for the first time I left the theater feeling the world of Moana was disappointingly small and the emotional beats were often lacking. I’ve thought about this a lot off and on over the years, and have decided a lot of this is down to problems with three things: the general plot progression, Maui’s character arc, and Moana’s character arc.

In this post I’m going to break down what I think the problem is with each of these things, and propose one way you might fix each specific problem. Upcoming will be a second post which will be a script doctor of the entire movie with alternate solutions to all three problems that come together in a cohesive whole.

Disorganized Plot

Our story begins with Tala, henceforth referred to as Grandma, telling the story of how Maui stole the heart of Te Fiti in an attempt to give humanity the power of creation, but instead destroyed Te Fiti and caused darkness to descend across all of the Polynesia. Whoops. Within these first few minutes the plot of the upcoming movie is pretty clearly defined. Our protagonist will have to traverse treacherous waters in order to restore the heart of Te Fiti and save us all from encroaching death. A solid straight-forward premise with a lot of potential.

We then spend a while on Motunui, establishing Moana’s character and why she specifically is going to be the one going on this adventure. Our inciting incident occurs when Grandma tells Moana to get Maui to restore the heart of Te Fiti, then passes away. Moana leaves then finds Maui very quickly and faces no real challenge in getting him to join her. That is, while Moana does nominally face obstacles, the only things she does herself is get out of a cave. The ocean solves all her other problems for her – it rescues her from the storm, deposits her on the island where Maui is, (and there’s no challenges to finding him once she’s there) and the ocean thwarts Maui’s attempts to steal Moana’s boat or to leave himself. Because of this lack of difficulty and because Maui is our secondary main character, this feels less like step one on the adventure and more like the last bit of set up before we begin the journey.

Next we have an encounter with the Kakamora, then Moana finally convincing Maui to commit to the returning the heart, a trip to Lalotai to get Maui’s fishhook, what I like to call the nighttime conversation of deep sharing, a montage of Maui learning to use his hook again and Moana learning wayfind, a failed attempt to restore the heart, Moana’s lowest point and then finding her resolve, and finally the successful returning of the heart before we fall into the denouement. If we take out the character beats, we’re left with what amounts to a random encounter, then a fetch quest, then two attempts at the final boss. While the trip to retrieve the fishhook is necessary to complete before restoring the heart, as Maui needs the powers of the hook to hold Te Kā off, it feels more like a side quest, though that may be at least in part due to the whole sequence with Tamatoa feeling like something out of a completely different movie altogether. Meanwhile the encounter with the Kakamora is pointless and achieves nothing really. It could have been useful in making the world feel bigger and in selling how dangerous things are now without Te Fiti and her heart if it was one of a few such encounters, but by itself it just feels out of place.

As one possible alternative, we could have Moana not have the heart when she sets out. Maybe the ocean showed it’s choosing of her a different way, or maybe she wasn’t chosen at all, she just sets out to do it because it needs doing. In this version Moana’s only objective is to find Maui to ask him to restore the heart. She finds Maui after overcoming some genuinely difficult obstacle on her own, and makes the ask. Maui agrees, and Moana’s like great, mission achieved! And Maui’s like yeah, sure, buuut I actually need you to take me to get my hook first. So they go to Lalotai and get the hook from Tamatoa. And Moana’s like great, now you can restore the heart! And Maui’s like totally, buuut we need to find the heart first, I don’t actually have it. So they journey to the area of the ocean where Maui thinks he dropped it and they manage to retrieve it after overcoming some obstacle. One possible idea there is for them to encounter an island covered with a profusion of plants, all way larger than normal, causing to think, yep, that’s probably where Te Fiti’s life-giving heart is; how fortunate it’s just being used by plants and not been found by a monster. Except it turns out in addition to growing large and plentiful, Te Fiti’s heart has also caused the plants to grow sentient, and they don’t want to give the heart up.  Moana and Maui successfully retrieve the heart, and at that point we can proceed to the confrontations with Te Kā more or less as per canon.

This plot progression allows our lead up to confronting Te Kā and restoring the heart to now become a series of finding x, then y, then z, then the final confrontation. Each thing Moana finds flows into needing to find the next thing, making the story more cohesive as a whole.

Additionally we can take our three major character beats that all take place between Lalotai and Te Fiti – the nighttime conversation of deep sharing, Maui relearning to use his hook, and Moana learning to wayfind – and spread them out between the plot beats. So we have Moana finds Maui and secures his help. Then on the way to Lalotai Maui teaches Moana about wayfinding. They get the hook back from Tamatoa, then on the way to the heart, Moana helps Maui to figure out how to use it again. Finally, as they are approaching Te Fiti, heart and hook in hand, they have a nighttime conversation of deep sharing. By spreading these out it should help build a feeling of distance between each location, making the journey seem longer and the world bigger.

Maui’s Vague Arc

Maui’s arc baffles me, in that I’m not sure what it’s even supposed to be. This I think comes back to what I mentioned earlier about not minding clichés in theory. The problem is with Maui it feels as though they decided on the cliché “disillusioned loner becomes a hero through the power of friendship” and then started applying story and character beats that went with that cliché without considering how those tropes would interact together or with the narrative. The result is a bit of a mess.

As mentioned before the movie opens with the story of Maui stealing the heart of Te Fiti. What’s weird about this is everything about the story, both in the way it’s told and in the way it’s visually presented frame Maui as the villain. This works fine on the first watch because even though even someone who lives in a cave still saw the Blu-ray box art and knows Maui is going to be a good guy, it’s plausible he wasn’t one at the time. On a rewatch though it’s weird to see Maui’s fairly menacing expressions during this story. Still, it can be argued this is Grandma telling the story to the best of her understanding, which is not necessarily a complete and accurate one, and the visuals merely reflect that. Okay, but that raises the issue of why Grandma would ever think asking Maui to restore the heart would be a good idea. In the scenario where Maui stole the heart to give to mankind, it makes sense to go to him and say, “Thanks for the thought, but this is working out pretty terribly for us, so we’d like you to return the heart.” But why would you approach someone who attempted to steal something for their personal benefit and give them that object and think they’ll go give it back to its rightful owner? How does that follow? But okay, we’ll go with it. Maybe Grandma is worried since Maui took the heart, he’s the only one who can put it back.

Moving forward, Moana arrives on Maui’s island and confronts him only for him to reveal, plot twist, he’s actually a hero who stole the heart not for himself, but for mankind. Except then we get an immediate plot twist back that Maui is a selfish jerk who leaves Moana to die in a cave, refuses to help her restore the heart, and then leaves her to be killed by the Kakamora. But twist back again, he really does want to be a hero to all and Moana is able to use that desire to get him to agree to restore the heart. But that doesn’t stop him from continually trying to get out of it, as though this is something Moana is forcing him to do rather than something she’s convinced him to do, and being extremely dismissive of and arguably flat-out mean to Moana.

The thing of it is there are a lot of different ways you could explain his behavior. Maybe he really does care about mankind and want to be a hero again, but he’s so afraid of Te Kā/convinced the heart is a genuine curse on him for stealing it that he can’t face this one particular task, and he’s lashing out at Moana for dragging him into it, despite deep down knowing she’s right. Maybe he wants to be a hero again because he wants the adulation of mankind, but he doesn’t actually care about people and feels this task is too much of a risk to be worth it. Maybe he’s only agreed because the ocean is basically refusing to give him a choice and he feels forced into it. Maybe he only agreed as a way of conning Moana into taking him to get his fishhook back, and he only decides he’s actually going to help with the Te Fiti thing after she saves him from Tamatoa. Any of these could work, but the movie pursues none of them, leaving his motivations unexplained and confusing.

Back to the plot, next they go to Lalotai and Maui gets his hook back, finds he can no longer use it effectively, and almost gets killed by Tamatoa, only to be saved by Moana’s quick thinking. There’s also a point in Tamatoa’s song where he references Maui having been abandoned in the past and brings attention to one of Maui’s tattoos. After they escape Lalotai, there’s a brief moment where Maui expresses a new found appreciation for Moana because she saved his life, but that character connection is immediately undercut by the humor of Maui’s hook continuing to malfunction.

Cut to later, and our nighttime conversation of deep sharing. Though it technically appears to be astronomical twilight as opposed to true night, but that’s less important than all the other ways this scene falls flat. The scene begins with Maui being despondent about his hook not working. Eventually he sits up with his back to Moana, prompting her to ask about his tattoo. We find out over the course of the ensuing argument that she believes the story behind the tattoo could explain why he can’t use his hook anymore. If they’re not really thinking about it, this can make sense to the audience. We were just shown this tattoo in a way that emphasizes to the us that this is important right after we were shown Maui’s inability to use his hook. In that context, Moana’s insistent questioning is justified – saving her dying island and presumably every island dying everywhere is more important than Maui’s reticence over talking about his personal issues.

But once you move past the framing and think about the logic of the situation, that assumption makes no sense. Why would this tattoo showing a woman chucking a baby into the ocean have anything to do with Maui’s hook? Why would you think any of his tattoos have anything to do with it? It’s been a thousand years since he’s had his hook; shouldn’t your base assumption be he’s out of practice and he just needs to keep at it until he can get back into the swing of things? In that context Moana’s questioning comes off as harassment. She asked him about something personal, he declined to answer and she kept asking and asking over repeated protests and even smacked him with her oar a couple times. Not hard, but she’s still hitting him. Eventually he grabs the oar away from her, throwing her into the ocean in the process.

When she gets back on the boat Moana reminds Maui of what’s at stake and says she only wants to help. Okay, fine Moana’s made this weird assumption, but given that her behavior is understandable, and it makes sense that her half-apology, half-explanation would placate Maui. What doesn’t make sense is why this would prompt Maui to explain the tattoo. Because while Moana might make a weird assumption, Maui should know the tattoo has nothing to do with his hook. It can’t, despite what the movie tries to imply, because that is something that happened when he was an infant, and he successfully used the hook for many years after it.

Maui tells her his backstory which is basically his parents threw him away, the gods gave him his fishhook and made him the demigod Maui, and then he went back to humans and started doing stuff for them, but it was never enough. What “it” was and who it wasn’t enough for is left undefined; best guess is that the adulation of humanity was never enough to give him a sense of real self-worth. Moana tells him essentially maybe the gods and the ocean chose him because they thought he was worth something and also self-worth comes from within not from gods or magic fishhooks. This comes off more as clichéd advice born of general sympathy than true friendship and deep empathy, which is not particularly emotionally satisfying, even if it does make sense as Moana doesn’t really know Maui that well and they aren’t friends at this point, or arguably ever.

Regardless, this encouragement is enough to give Maui renewed hope and he tries the hook again and everything goes perfectly. So he’s told he doesn’t need the hook and that’s the key to let him use it again. Apparently he was having performance issues, and he just needed to relax and let it happen naturally… One hopes that wasn’t the metaphor they were deliberately going for, but there it is.

After that we have the back to back learning montages, then the first confrontation with Te Kā, then Maui and Moana’s falling out where Maui leaves. I’ll come back to this scene later, but for now in specific reference to Maui’s character and his character and actions alone, it actually works well. His anger at Moana feels justified, and his psychological reliance on his hook has been established enough it feels believable that the possibility of losing it would cause him to leave.

Then he comes back and offers literally zero explanation as to why he did so. Not even a stupid joking one. He just kind of laughs awkwardly and goes to fight Te Kā. This would be fine if he had seemed conflicted when he left or if we had seen something in between leaving and coming back showing him reconsidering, but failing that there needs to be some indication of why he changed his mind. As it stands, the end of his character arc here falls flat because while his return indicates some sort of growth, we don’t know how he’s grown or what triggered that growth.

I have so many ideas of different ways you could take this character arc, probably because it’s so vague. That being said, since I’ve talked about this a lot already, I’ll stick to one fairly simple one here. You can keep everything the same except for two scenes, the one where he leaves and the one where he comes back.

The scene where he leaves would start the same, with him angry at Moana and blaming the damage to his hook on her and her need to prove she’s special. But in this version, she turns it back around on him. She’s not the one with the need to prove she’s special, she’s just trying to save her island. Maui’s the one who wants everyone to think he’s the hero of man, but a real hero would have tried to restore the heart of Te Fiti the second he realized what a mistake he’d made, not sat around in his cave and sulked for a millennium. He doesn’t care about humans, he just wants them to worship him to make up for his parents never loving him. Moana immediately realizes she went too far, but Maui leaves before she can apologize.

When Maui comes back she tells him she’s sorry, and he accepts it. He agrees that she crossed a line, but at the same time acknowledges she was mostly right about him. If he wants to be a hero, then he needs to start acting like one. Thank you, you’re welcome exchange, because that part is amazing and gives me shivers, then the rest of the movie as per canon.

Just these two adjustments fix so much. The inclusion of Maui’s backstory with his parents now feels necessary because it comes back later. Maui’s accusation that Moana risked their lives to feel special is no longer supported by the narrative – which is odd as it’s never a part of her character elsewhere – but called out as him projecting. His desire to be a hero contradicting with his actions and treatment of Moana is now a feature, not a bug. And finally his character arc is clearly defined as him starting as a fake hero only in it for the accolades to bolster his own sense of worth and growing to become a real hero in it to help people because he was inspired by Moana’s example.

Moana’s Disjointed Arc

Moana’s character arc is kind of bizarre. The opening establishes her central character conflict very well: she’s pulled between her responsibilities as the daughter of the village chief and next in line to lead – represented by the song “Where You Are” – and her own personal desire to voyage the ocean – represented by the song “How Far I’ll Go.” Then toward the end during her lowest moment, Grandma’s ghost shows up to comfort Moana, and Moana realizes these two disparate parts of herself can exist in harmony and together they make up who she is – represented by the song “I Am Moana” which is reprise of both “Where You Are” and “How Far I’ll Go.” It’s very moving and bringing those two songs back is very powerful, except…

Except there is nothing related to this character arc between those key points. Ultimately it’s less of a character arc and more of a pair of character pillars with nothing connecting them. The reason we don’t see any of this struggle during the middle part of the movie is it is fundamentally incompatible with plot as they have it. Moana’s character conflict is between her duty to her people and her love of the ocean, and the plot is her saving her people by going on an ocean adventure. There is no conflict there. The conflict was resolved the moment Grandma gave her the heart of Te Fiti and told her to restore it.

This causes a problem toward the end, because when there is no conflict, then the only way to cause her to hit that low moment and give up is by making her feel like she failed, but that’s doesn’t give us the veneer of crisis of self we need to justify the next song and to make it feel as though her arc has been completed. So the movie throws this conflict at us where when Maui leaves he tells Moana the ocean was wrong to choose her, and this apparently breaks her and makes her give up. Except, Moana never seems particularly concerned about the whole “Chosen One” aspect. Maui harps on it much more than she does. She’s here because she wants to save her people. During their nighttime conversation of deep sharing Moana explicitly says, “I don’t know why the ocean chose me. You’re right. But my island is dying, so I am here.”

As a side note to that, the whole idea of Moana being chosen is a little weird, because throughout most of the movie everyone seems convinced Maui is going to be the one to actually restore the heart. This means what Moana was chosen to do was to take Maui to Te Fiti. Maybe it’s just me, but water taxi doesn’t feel like a job that requires a chosen one.

If we want to keep this same character arc, then we’re going to need to make some changes to the plot. We’re going to really embrace the rebellious princess cliché. In this version Moana feels a lot of pressure at the idea of becoming the next chief of the village, compounded by her certainty she won’t be able to live up to her father’s example and also by the unexplained blight that has recently began destroying their crops and killing off the fish. Sailing is her one escape from everything. Moana gets older, the blight gets worse, and the pressure continues to grow. Grandma dies, and that’s the final straw – Moana straight-up runs away. No noble intentions, no heart of Te Fiti – at this point Moana’ doesn’t even know the heart’s been stolen – Moana just can’t take it anymore and leaves.

Soon after leaving she runs into Maui and, being a big fan of his from all the stories of the cool things he’s done, asks if she can voyage with him. He agrees to let her join him on his quest, but remains vague about the exact nature of it at first. They voyage together for a while and overcome a number of obstacles. Said obstacles can be things Maui says need to do to move their as of yet undefined quest forward or they can be random encounters like the Kakamora are in canon. Finally, during their nighttime conversation of deep sharing, Maui tells her the story of how he tried to give humanity the gift of creation by stealing the heart of Te Fiti and how he seriously firetrucked that up big time. He’s spent a long time running away from his mistake, but now he’s going to own up to his responsibilities. He gives Moana an out before their confrontation with Te Kā because of how dangerous it will be, but Moana reaffirms her intention to help.

They face off against Te Kā, and Moana nearly dies. She freaks out because this is way beyond what she wanted. She wanted to explore and have adventures, not face a real and imminent threat of death. She doesn’t want to do this anymore, so Maui leaves to try again on his own. Moana descends into an existential crisis: being a voyager is not what she thought it’d be and her guilt over abandoning Maui brings back the guilt over abandoning her people she’d been suppressing. Stingray Grandma shows up to comfort her, and makes the revelation the blight on Motunui is being caused by Te Fiti’s lost heart. Moana realizes that abandoning her people, though wrong, is what brought her to where she was meant to be to save them. These two sides of herself come together because she can fulfill her duty to her people by being herself and she can face the dangers on her chosen path if it’s to help her people. She heads back to Te Kā and Maui, and this time she’s the one who enters the battle at the pivotal moment to turn the tide. The rest again goes more or less per canon.

This way there is genuine conflict between Moana’s people and her love of the sea until the moment of resolution at the end. Further, Moana’s lowest moment is now caused by an actual existential crisis, not just a lack of confidence in her ability to do the task, so it makes sense it would be resolved with a realization of self. And as a bonus you can still use the song “I Am Moana” without changing it all, because if anything I feel it fits this version of the story even better than canon.

Conclusion

I just want to close out with two quick reminders. First of all, despite my complaining I do think this was a good movie, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves the classic Disney animated movies. Secondly I do plan to write another script doctor for this movie this time addressing all three of these issues I found in different ways than I have above and in a ways that work together cohesively.  Finally, if you have thoughts on this, if you agree with me, if you disagree, if you have an idea that I didn’t consider here, I would love to hear it and discuss it!

Next part is here.

Introduction

Technology has made rapid strides in the past few decades and these technological changes have brought new inventions and products into our lives. Internet is now ubiquitous. Medical science has made it possible for heart and kidneys to be transplanted but that is not all; it may even be possible to transplant brain from one individual to the other. These changes make it possible to not only change human body, but also the possibilities of life extension are boundless. Automobile companies are coming up with technology that will make it possible for driverless cars to be introduced to our roads as soon as in the next 5 years. These changes in technology also bring fear and apprehension in the minds of many people of the kind that are usually related to panic about new technology or techno-panic as it is called. This kind of techno-panic is not a new phenomenon as whenever a new technology has been introduced, it has raised concerns and even fears about the social changes that such technology may bring. In this anthology, such technologies or new changes are discussed along with the concerns that such technologies inspire in people. This anthology notes the scope of these new technologies in terms of what can be done and what kind of concerns are raised by these new technologies.

Topics

    I.        Techno-Panic through History

Techno-panic is related to paranoia and fear in response to new technology. Thierer (2012) says that such paranoia is caused in humans because we are naturally risk adverse and not good judges of risks. We have a survival instinct and the awareness of our poor comparative risk analysis skills, due to which many of us easily give into  techno-panics. Techno-panic is a phenomenon that can be seen at every point of important technological inventions throughout history. Recent techno-panic can be seen in context of Internet (Thierer, 2012). Although, history shows that most techno panics are temporary and humans generally adapt to the new technology in time; there is always a short-term danger of policymakers adopting measures to control the technology and this may lead to restriction or arrest of the technological development (Thierer, 2012). There is also the possibility of rising tensions in the society due to the panic (Thierer, 2012).

As we saw in the module related to Techno-Panic, and discussed in the class discussions, Techno-panic is nothing new. However, the ubiquitous nature of Internet has led to greater fear among people, especially in terms of social effects, such as threat to minors from paedophiles and cyberporn, and general impacts from fake news (Herrman, 2017 ). Concerns about technology’s impact on society were also seen when the printing press was first invented (Wirtz, 2017). When the printing press was

invented by Johannes Gutenberg, many monks were laid off work as Bible was begun to be printed in the press (Wirtz, 2017). This led to the moral panic regarding impact of the invention on those involved in the industry (Wirtz, 2017). It was also thought that too much information would have a negative impact on the society, which may not be capable of processing such information (Wirtz, 2017). Similar concerns are seen today with regard to information technology, in what is being seen as a ‘threat inflation’ (Thierer, 2013). However, as technology becomes mainstream the fears are set aside and the society accepts new technology.

  II.        The Future of the Body

With the immense development of medical science, there is now technology and science, which will possibly allow transplant of head in human beings. The protocol developed by Sergio Canavero is possibly one step further in that direction  (Canavero, 2013). As per this protocol, the surgeon is to sever the spinal cords of the the recipient (person with diseased body) and the donor (brain dead person with a healthy brain and head) and then fuse the recipient head with the body of the donor  (Canavero, 2013).Needless to say, there are ethical as well as medical issues that are involved in such a procedure. Some critics have gone to say that such procedures are impossible because the human body will not accept such transplants even with heavy doses of immunosuppressants for suppressing the immune system to make sure that the transplant is not rejected by the body (Pultarova, 2017). However, even if the head transplant procedure has not become a reality, the discussion on it does beg the question as to the future of the human body. Another issue that has come up for discussion in this context is that of chip in the body (Clapperton, 2018). On the plus side, chip in the body can be a useful passive devise that can help the wearer to keep track of his vital signs and receive medical treatment if needed (Clapperton, 2018). Microchips are already being used in pets, which allows them to be tracked by their humans if they are lost (Savini, 2018). With technology becoming smaller and smaller, it is now possible that many humans too will get chips imbedded so that technology becomes a part of their skin (Savini, 2018). In fact, there are already people who have chosen to do so as part of their employment (Clapperton, 2018). As we discussed in the class, this new technology can be very useful in saving lives, but there are fears in this area as well. While the fears are justified, the scientists will find a way to make things work, and like other technological innovations, this innovation will also be helpful for the society.

III.        Intelligent Systems

Once upon a time, the thought that there could be cars that can drive without a human driver was unthought of. However, with recent change and development in technology, the possibility that we could soon see driverless cars is not so remote anymore. Automobile makers, Lexus, BMW, and Mercedes, are already playing with the technology for making driverless cars and Tesla has tested its driverless Autopilot system already (Moldrich & Woollaston, 2018). One may wonder how it is possible for a machine to drive on the road, but it is possible with the help of sensors which interact with the external environment, making it possible for the car to drive autonomously (Moldrich & Woollaston, 2018).

It is estimated that by 2012, there will be more than 100,000 autonomous vehicles used around the world (Naughton, 2018). This does raise some ethical concerns, predominantly in the area of human safety, however, Automakers have argued that the use of driverless cars will lead to a sharp reduction in highway deaths(Naughton, 2018). Another concern is in the area of employment as driverless cars would threaten the existence of repair shops, trucking companies and car dealerships (Gross, 2018). However, the advertising industry may flourish as the aesthetics of driverless cars may involve bigger backseats with entertainment centres that allow the backseat audience time to catch their shows in the car(Gross, 2018). As debated in the class discussions, there is a possibility of major social change with the advent of the driverless cares. However, law will also have to respond to the possibilities of different legal issues that are involved in accidents involving driverless cars, as the concept of liability may be different with respect to these cars (Calo, 2018). In the US, with the further evolution of common law of torts, it is possible that the American courts will adapt to the legal issues involved in driverless car, as they have already done with many other technological inventions such as robots (Calo, 2018).

IV.        Making and Things

3D printing has now made it possible for people to make 3D guns, and a settlement between gun-rights activists and the government allows gun-rights activists to post 3D printable gun plans online (Williams, 2018). In 2013, Cody Wilson had posted plans for a 3D printed handgun that he called "The Liberator", which led to the lawsuit regarding the legality of such plans (Williams, 2018). In class discussions highlighted the problem with such guns is that these are do-it-yourself firearms and they will not have serial numbers, making them untraceable. On the other hand, some experts have rubbished the claims that guns can be made with the help of 3D printed plans (Tynan, 2018). Nevertheless, these guns do pose ethical and legal concerns that need to be taken seriously. 3D printing will allow people to make plastic weapons, that may not be detected in the airports metal detectors (Tynan, 2018). Another problem is that there may be people who are prevented from legally owning a gun, but such people may be able to circumvent such restrictions by printing these plans and making their own untraceable weapons (Tynan, 2018). Thus, convicted felons as well as the mentally ill, who are not legally permitted to own weapons, may gain access to weapons, making gun control laws useless (Tynan, 2018). 3D technology is not limited to gun making; it can be used for other purposes, such as, food making (Wiggers, 2017). 3D printing innovations have now made it possible for people to print and cook foods on a mass scale (Wiggers, 2017). With the advent of this technology, we are seeing commercial kitchens, bakeries, and confectionaries employing 3D food printers for making foods and saving time and effort (Wiggers, 2017). While ethical concerns do not affect food printing, the articles and class discussions highlighted definite concerns with respect to medicine printing. While medicine printing may cut down on wait time at the pharmacies, it could also pave the way for people to synthesize dangerous drugs or intoxicant drugs from their homes (Service, 2018). Yet another development in this area is the ability to print human organs. These organs can be used to save many human lives (Meghna, 2018). While this technology is still in the nascent stage, but in future it will be used to create viable human organs.

  V.        Cyborgs and Bioart

Cyborgs have now become a reality with the advent of the technology that combines medical science with cybernetics and allows the embedding of cybernetic characteristics in human beings (Towers-Clark, 2018). In this sense, cyborgs are simply people who have certain cybernetically enhanced qualities (Towers-Clark, 2018). Cyborgs, such as those seen in sci-fi movies, are somehow terrifying to human beings (Fratto, 2018). It has been argued that humans beings with their extensive use of smartphones, have basically become cyborgs too (Fratto, 2018). There is a concern that cyborgs will take over our lives as human beings because if they have artificial intelligence, they are capable of doing everything that we can. This means that they can also do our jobs and do them better because of artificial intelligence (Fratto, 2018). There are ethical concern that are involved in the use of artificial intelligence.

Bioart can be very useful for the purpose of improving the quality of life for those who are afflicted with certain disabilities, which comes in the way of their enjoying life at the fullest (Nelson, 2013). An example can be seen in the case of Neil Harbisson, who was born with achromatopsia (extreme colorblindness), but is now able to experience colors, due to specialized electronic eye, also called eyeborg, which allows him to perceive colors (Nelson, 2013). By being equipped with such bioart, people can also become like cyborgs. However, human cyborgs present issues with the law, as seen in the case of Meow Meow, who installed a travel chip into his hand (Ustik, 2018). Another issue that comes up in this context of conflict between cyborgs and the law and ethics, is that enhancement technology with implants can extend life past natural terms, and also make cybernetically enhanced individuals who are better than others at athletics, or certain jobs (Ustik, 2018). The emerging theme in the class discussions was that while some of the peers were exited about the technology, others had their doubts. While both sides have valid concerns, the benefits of this technology has to be weighed against the negatives effects; and only if the benefits are more than the harms, the technology should be adopted. As some peers commented that negatives effects needs to be mitigated effectively so that most benefit can be reaped from this technological innovation.

Conclusion

Any new technology introduced into this world will come with a set of ethical concerns and potential legal issues or concerns. However, as the history of techno-panic shows us, it is not appropriate to shoot down ideas on new technologies, simply because there are concerns about the way the technology may lead to certain social changes. It is however important to raise such concerns and even address them in order to make sure that new technologies do not have adverse social effects. A discussion or debate on ethical concerns involving new technologies also helps to find solutions or responses for such adverse effects and for that reason, such discussions are important, and must be encouraged. That being said, techno-panic should be avoided because these may lead to arresting development or change, when such change may actually be welcome and good for human society in general. Therefore, care must be taken to ensure that discussions on new technology and the ethical issues posed by these do not become oppressive to inventors and those who may have new ideas for future technology. As such, a balance needs to be drawn between being circumspect about new technology and being encouraging of inventors.

References

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Towers-Clark, C. (2018, October 1). Cyborgs Are Here And You'd Better Get Used To It.Retrieved December 2018, from Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/charlestowersclark/2018/10/01/cyborgs-are-here-and-youd-better-get-used-to-it/#526b48ad746a

Tynan, D. (2018, August 20). 'I wouldn't waste my time': firearms experts dismiss flimsy 3D-printed guns.Retrieved December 2018, from Guarfian: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/jul/31/3d-printed-guns-danger-problems-plastic

Ustik, G. (2018, October 30). Real-life cyborgs are fighting for their rights with art.Retrieved December 2018, from NextWeb: https://thenextweb.com/tnw-answers/2018/10/03/real-life-cyborgs-are-fighting-for-their-rights-with-art/

Wiggers, K. (2017, April 18). From pixels to plate, food has become 3D printing’s delicious new frontier.Retrieved December 2018, from Digital Trends: https://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/3d-food-printers-how-they-could-change-what-you-eat/

Williams, D. (2018, July 20). Americans can legally download 3-D printed guns starting next month.Retrieved December 2018, from CNN: https://edition.cnn.com/2018/07/19/us/3d-printed-gun-settlement-trnd/index.html

Wirtz, B. (2017, October 17). Today's Techno-Panic Would Have Killed the Printing Press .Retrieved December 2018, from Fee.org: https://fee.org/articles/todays-techno-panic-would-have-killed-the-printing-press/

===========

Links for easy readability

Techno-Panic through History

https://www.forbes.com/sites/adamthierer/2012/03/04/the-six-things-that-drive-technopanics/#3256d7aa70b0

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/05/magazine/the-return-of-the-techno-moral-panic.html

https://fee.org/articles/todays-techno-panic-would-have-killed-the-printing-press/

The Future of the Body

https://www.livescience.com/60987-human-head-transplants-will-never-work.html

https://medium.com/s/futurehuman/would-you-let-your-boss-put-a-chip-in-your-body-83f9c8fe631c

https://www.allure.com/story/rfdi-microchip-implant-in-skin

Intelligent Systems

https://www.alphr.com/cars/1001329/driverless-cars-of-the-future-how-far-away-are-we-from-autonomous-cars

https://www.bloomberg.com/quicktake/driverless-cars

https://www.npr.org/2018/12/10/675254096/the-revolution-will-be-driverless-autonomous-cars-usher-in-big-changes

Making and Things

https://www.evolving-science.com/bioengineering/3d-human-organs-00719

https://edition.cnn.com/2018/07/19/us/3d-printed-gun-settlement-trnd/index.html

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/jul/31/3d-printed-guns-danger-problems-plastic

https://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/3d-food-printers-how-they-could-change-what-you-eat/

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/01/you-could-soon-be-manufacturing-your-own-drugs-thanks-3d-printing

Cyborgs and Bioart

https://www.forbes.com/sites/charlestowersclark/2018/10/01/cyborgs-are-here-and-youd-better-get-used-to-it/#526b48ad746a

https://hackernoon.com/im-a-cyborg-you-re-a-cyborg-f54ec6349a45

https://www.mnn.com/leaderboard/stories/7-real-life-human-cyborgs

https://thenextweb.com/tnw-answers/2018/10/03/real-life-cyborgs-are-fighting-for-their-rights-with-art/

you seem to have some level of interest in voltron and the current fandom, while also having a seemingly good understanding of fandom history more broadly, so a question from someone with limited fandom exposure and only from tumblr, where it feels impossible to understand the grand scheme: what is the voltron fandom like, compared to other/past fandoms? are we large? more minor-dominated? is anti culture abnormally prominent? is there more or less meta? any thoughts on where we fit appreciated.

These questions are very interesting to me. Answers are from my personal experience only/reading I’ve done, though, and mostly anecdotal.

disclaimer/caveat that tumblr - web 2.0 in general - really changed how fandom looks in general to a degree that’s hard to explain. It raised its visibility to the rest of the world. it raised fandom’s internal visibility by giving lurkers the ability to run blogs without speaking up (just resharing the works of others) and by eliminating personal control over how far blog content spreads. I think it made fandom bigger than it used to be. and I think it was in just the right time and just the right place to sweep a lot of young people up into fandom just as internet access was becoming faster, more widespread, and more unsupervised/common for even young participants.

is voltron fandom large?

it’s hard to gauge the size of fandoms, particularly when there’s no central community with members to count or some such. It’s certainly active. klance is consistently among the most frequently used ship tags on tumblr and sheith frequently places as well (the two most popular ships in the fandom). In only 18 months, VLD fandom has produced 33,000 fics on AO3 alone - never mind other fanfic sites like wattpad and ff.net. Not counting multi-canon brands (Marvelverse, DCU, etc), VLD places 16th on a list of all fandoms by number of fanworks (on AO3). that’s … way active. ridiculously active.

compared with other fandoms, I’d say that its volume of activity to (likely) number of participants is high. For a cartoon that doesn’t air on network television, it also seems decently large (but this is merely speculation). However, it’s quite dwarfed by the megafandoms generated by live action movies (Star Wars, MCU, etc), which are usually spurred on by constant canon additions like cartoons and comics and books.

but for fun, and in a not remotely scientific way, let’s take a stab at the size of VLD tumblr fandom with some numbers-producing tumblr-based vld fan content.

the vld discourse survey, advertised on tumblr, has almost 1900 responses now. 554 of the responses are from people who count themselves as antis (about 30% of the fandom.) almost exactly double that number (~1100 people) signed the anti-run petition demanding character ages from March 2017, which was also advertised on tumblr.

let’s extrapolate, then, that if antis are representative of the response rate of all of vld tumblr fandom (I would guess pro shippers were less likely to respond, if there was a difference: in my experience antis are eager to get counted and shippers are not), half of the vld tumblr fandom took the discourse survey. that makes ~3,800 people who are actively participating in vld fandom via tumblr. (other active vld fan gathering sites are on 4chan, twitter, amino apps, and discord channels, with overlap between sites.)

is voltron fandom more minor-dominated? 

questions like these always get me wondering so I ran some actual numbers on this:

assuming this survey is accurate to fandom demographics - which it isn’t, because self-selecting surveys never are*, but it may have a rough correspondence - about 42% of the vld fandom is composed of people 17 and younger, whereas about 58% are 18 or older.

about half the fandom - 49.6% - are of an age to potentially be in US high school (14-18 years old), and about 40% of fandom is potentially the ‘normal’ ages for undergrad college (18-22 years old). 25% are of post-grad age or older (22+).

I’d guess this fandom has a high number of young members compared to fandoms for live action movies or comic books. But compared to other cartoons, I would speculate that VLD fandom has a higher percentage of older fans due to the show being a reboot of an older series, designed to appeal to anime fans (skews older than american animation fans), draws on the (LoK)Avatar audience due to being the same studio & part of the same creative team (older teens/young adult audience), and not airing on network television (smaller young audience). 

*if anyone is underrepresented it’s probably older fans, who are more wary of fandom survey results being misused and have less presence on tumblr compared to younger fans.

is anti culture abnormally prominent? 

yes. yes it is.

once again consulting the vld discourse survey (it has a pretty large response pool, okay?), 1 out of 3 vld fans consider themselves anti-shippers. (again: as a self-selecting survey these numbers may not be accurate, and I would guess antis are overrepresented, but still.)

I speculate this is because anti-shipping principles were peculiarly suited to ‘support’ klance and attack competing ship sheith. as 4/5ths of antis say klance is their primary ship, and sheith was the original target of anti-shipping (the rest came afterwards in response to claims of hypocrisy), this seems to be a likely motive for young klance fans who felt uncomfortable with sheith or jealous of perceived sheith support to slip headfirst into anti-shipping as a whole.*

(and vld anti-shipping is made up mostly of the youngest fandom members. the majority of 13-17 year old fandom participants are anti-shippers; the majority of 18+ fandom participants are pro-shipping. 64% of all anti-shippers are 13-17 years old and 32% are college-aged. the average age of neutrals falls between anti- and pro- shippers; pro-shippers are about 40% college-aged, 30% high schoolers, and 30% 23+.)

I also think the prominence of anti-shipping in vld fandom spurred the growth and popularity of anti culture in other young fandoms. it’s now somewhat normal for fandoms to have an anti-fandom ready to fight them from inception.

to be clear: vld fandom didn’t start anti-shipping, just made it more well-known as a phenomenon due to how widespread it is. and anti-shipping - which is mostly American, like English-speaking vld fandom - has its roots in more widespread cultural issues like the authoritarian movement in America/the West, Christian Dominionism, poor education,radical feminist ideology, mra/gg/4chan/alt-right argument techniques, and the extreme partisanship that web 2.0 promotes and exacerbates.

*anti-shippers will say this is reducing the important stuff they protest to a ship war. but no matter what antis believe they stand for now, it’s hard to deny that a lot of pro-klance antis got their start because of liking klance and hating sheith - you know. ship war material! - and looking for a way to justify their feelings. (you’re allowed to hate sheith and like klance without being an anti, by the way.)

does voltron fandom have more or less meta (comparatively)?

vld fandom is surprisingly alive with meta. this fandom loves to take canon apart down to its bones, making theories about future events, ship manifestos, character analyses, and more - and fandom spreads it around, too. meta can get hundreds - thousands - of notes. it’s quite beautiful.

this may be the silver lining of the prominence of anti-shipping. anti-shipping - shame culture, really - makes fandom hesitant to take creative risks because the chance of being harassed and shamed for doing something wrong feels high. people write less fic with risky premises, draw less fanart that isn’t fluff/neutral-toned, etc, because everything you do you also have to defend.

but man, it really makes the meta scene amazing. being forced to constantly prove that xyz has a canon basis, or isn’t problematic, or that a character did or didn’t do something, or explain why you like or don’t like x - or, if you haven’t had to actually argue, having to constantly think about it - has really whetted vld’s fandom’s appetite for meta - dissecting canon to find and share hints of weird story theories or future romantic interaction. 

and because meta directly references the text for its content, I think it’s the most accepted kind of fanwork in vld fandom. after all, you got it from canon. if you’re going to debate on anything, it’s as likely to be the canon itself as the meta.

hope you enjoyed this vld fandom snapshot. :)

The Fall and Rise of Orca in DC Comics: Batman Vol 1 #579-581: Problems with Larry Hama’s Writing Part 1

While Larry Hama was far from the worst writer, there were some key issues with the three part story “Orca”, covered in Batman Vol 1 issues #579-581.

The Minor Issues

                                              Under Cut for Length

The word vomit narration boxes

While it’s primarily confined to the second issue, the drawn-out narration boxes often slow down the pacing of the story by trying to sound smarter than they actually are. I think if puzzles and fragmented images played a larger role in the story, it could’ve worked a little better. None of this narration would’ve looked out of place if, for instance, this had been a Riddler story. Even so, it still would’ve been wiser to not overdo it.

A potentially interesting subplot that goes nowhere

At the beginning of the story, Batman is accosted by some of the residents and homeless of the low income waterfront district near the Gotham Aquarium. They are convinced that he is siding with rich villain Camille Baden-Smythe because he is tracking Orca after she stole the Flame of Persia diamond from Camille:

Orca, somewhat more understandably, believes the same:

The problem is that many of these characters jump to conclusions based on Camille’s own assumptions in interviews in newspapers and on TV:

Now I’m not saying that people can’t be misled by the news media, as that happens frequently in real life, but this story seems to imply that the people of Gotham have incredibly short memories. I’d like to think that word of mouth about Batman saving random people from muggings would have more sway over the waterfront population’s opinions of him than someone they already know to be crooked, but apparently not. Regardless, this subplot of Gotham’s lower classes distrusting Batman never gets resolved one way or another, making me wonder why it was included in the first place.

Grace’s circle of friends are less characters and more props that serve to move the plot along or to slow it down with their own subplots

Grace is shown to have three people she’s close to:

Salman Jared

Tony

And the young boy Eugene.

Out of the three, Grace is only shown interacting directly with Tony and Eugene. Tony is the most minor of the three, only speaking to Grace briefly in the second issue to talk about trying to fence the diamond again after the botched first attempt that led to Salman’s murder. Grace then makes the decision to extort Camille for the diamond’s return, while Batman, in disguise as a homeless veteran, “overhears” their conversation behind a glass window in Grace’s soup kitchen via lipreading. Salman and Eugene play bigger parts in the overall story, though Salman gets short shifted in the narrative and Eugene’s part hijacks it almost completely.

We never see Grace interact directly with Salman and only learn his name from Orca after he’s already dead:

It makes it hard to take Grace’s grief seriously when we know very little about Salman as a character, outside of the facts that he distrusted Batman, he wanted to help Grace get money for good causes and he was presumably a patron of Gotham Gym based on his teeshirt. It also doesn’t help that Grace didn’t check on him after he got shot prior to getting into a confrontation with the shady sailors and Batman. 

Her behavior is contradicted by her dialogue when Batman later informs her of Salman’s death during their second fight. Her attack on the sailors seemed tp imply that she knew they had shot Salman, did she think he wasn’t hurt as badly as he was? It’s very muddled.

Salman’s biggest contribution to the story happens in his last moments, explaining Orca’s motives for stealing and fencing the diamond and nearly revealing the connection between between Orca and Grace Balin before conveniently dropping dead:

It kind of makes a senseless death less tragic when a character seems to exist solely to be an exposition dump and nothing else.

In the end, Grace doesn’t even visit Salman’s gravesite in the potter’s field on Heart Island. It’s teased at first that she might, but the shadowy figure is revealed to be Batman. He came to place a rose on the coffin that Carla, one of Salman’s homeless friends, wanted to place, but was unable to due to the fact that she and the other homeless were not informed by the police where Salman’s body was taken after being recovered from the crime scene:

It seems ironic and sad that that the woman Salman was willing to risk his life to help wasn’t even willing to risk being seen in her now permanent hybrid form to say her final farewells.

Eugene ends up playing a bigger part in the story, though his own subplot sidetracks the main story just as it heads towards the climax. Eugene works at Grace’s soup kitchen while his mother works long hours at Camille’s clothing manufacturing factory. In the process of moving operations, Eugene’s mother is kept even later than usual one night to make up for the loss of hours. This leaves the boy vulnerable to Camille, who is also the owner of the apartment building Eugene and his mother live in. Camille soon coerces the boy into using a molotov cocktail to set fire to the aquarium, with the intent being to force Grace to leave the premises so that the property can cleared and used for commercial purposes:

Though, thankfully, the undercover Batman, while leaving the soup kitchen, comes across the boy before he can do the deed:

Eugene then explains what happened and leads Batman to his apartment building, where Batman finds evidence that will not only help convict Camille of several crimes related to her threatening the boy, but also of the bribe she gave the building inspector to say everything was up to code when it was far from it. This ultimately leads to the arrest of Camille and the building inspector after the climatic conflict with Orca and her ultimate escape.

While I do think Eugene’s subplot is the strongest of the three friend characters, it feels like it’s only tangentially tied to the main plot. We’re never told or shown that Eugene knows anything about Grace’s activities as Orca or the fencing plot, so his presence in the story ultimately serves to show how awful Camille is, make Batman realize that she’s not just callous, but actually criminal in her actions and to see her be brought to justice. However, given that Grace isn’t around by that point to see Batman find out this information or Camille’s ultimate fate, it ends up feeling a bit disconnected from the main story.