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wavesoutbeingtossed · 2 months

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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot #this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day #where she relayed an argument she had with her partner #who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes #and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see #and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence #when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it #(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post #again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so #also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive #being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire #it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed #she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it #because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them #whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner #in her adult life at least #and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted

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1-8oo-wtfbro · 18 days

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au or not, if i see any universes where Sokka and Katara are separated for some stupid reason or another, im slashing your tires myself, while Katara steals your cat and Sokka steals your valuables

#they are a packaged deal ur honor #also ANYONE WHO TRIES TO SEPARATE THEM CAN DIE BY MY BLADE. ILL FIGHT #U WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE SIBLING BONDS LIKE I #no shame to anyone whose done this!#i just saw one too many Z tara aus where something something oh look Kataras all alone with no real family or whatever WRONG #Katara is a community girlie!! my love THRIVES in community with love and people to support and take care of and help!!! SHES A FAMILY GIRL!#THIS IS A BIG PART OF HER PERSONALITY???? BEING SHAPED BY GROWING UP IN THE VILLAGE AND IN A TIGHT KNIT COMMUNITY AND LOVING HOUSEHOLD #where with katara… i feel like at some point she ceases to be the beloved character we know and love. y’know?#z tara people just come off as wanting to alienate her so they can give katara and zuko an ‘us against the world’#dynamic which will never compare to the kataang ‘us bettering the world. together’#Katara aus… well. u can’t just change her whole lore. that’s NOT how her lore works. sadly. it’s not as versatile.#as Zuko. my man can fit so much trauma.#katara au #katara #katara alta #sokka #atla sokka #alta katara #sokka au #alta au

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anonymouscreampuff · 8 months

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if you don't think they can still work, that honestly sounds like a you problem

#fionna and cake #adventure time #simon petrikov #betty grof #petrigrof #finn mertens #marceline abadeer #//honestly i just wanted to doodle golbetty who kills my eyes #and then whoops she has hair now.#alongside;;; other design changes #maybe she's like this bc of some kinda wish #like lets just pretend wishes worked mkay? mkay #or maybe this is basically like a mini copy to keep around simon who knows at this point #i did not plan that far ahead #anyway monster wife lets go #also mans deadass comes home after being missing for gods knows how long #everyone is worried sick about him and he just rolls up like nothing happened with his wife and absolutely nothing is wrong nope sirree #everything is fine and normal and cool :)#ALSO the absolute urge to do a funnie animatic/pmv thing with simon is growing (the pigeon song by cavetown will NOT leave me alone)#anywho hi hello yes im done rambling now goodbye!

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blue-thief · 21 days

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pls let me back into the friend group. i was barely a part of it the first time and i won't contribute anything if you let me back in. but i wanna know why the breakup between that one couple was so bad that the entire group is falling apart

#cmon guys why weren't you guys this hung up when i had to leave bc i was softly broken up with 😞#i do think it's crazy that shit got so bad that one of them is siding w the one he's only known for a few months #over the guy he's literally been friends with since junior high???#and said guy is literally one of the few cis men i would choose to be alone with over a bear #meanwhile the other person has allegedly done some shitty stuff outside the context of the relationship?? 😭😭#the (immediate) reason for why she dumped him is somewhat similar to why i got upset w my ex #but NOW he sees the problem? 🤨🤨#both halves of the broken-up couple are accusing the other of being a manipulative asshole 💀💀#i was there when it was announced those two first got together #i'm shocked they fell apart so quickly cuz they were close friends before they got together???#i did notice one of them was hanging out more w one person wayy more than her actual bf #and i kinda just assumed she was cheating or something 😭😭#but im so out of the loop. at that point they probably would have been broken up #which is CRAZY cuz that means their relationship was wayyy shorter than i thought 😭😭#i don't have anyone to yap to about this so long-winded tumblr tags it is

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weirdcursedvaultkid · 3 months

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since merula likes thoughtful gifts I’d like to share my hc that merulas develops a lil baby crush on mc ever since the Christmas sq where mc gifts she the song book

#and it goes downhill from there #I’m just imagining sad angry baby merula spending yet another Xmas alone her parents are in prison #her aunt doesn’t give her the time of day #she has no one to go home to #she doesn’t rly have friends bc well. she’s mean #and so she’s just studying she doesn’t care about this dumb holiday anyways #but she sees mc and their friends having a nice time and there’s a part of her that wants that 😔#and then mc surprises her with a gift and it’s a songbook bc she likes to sing and it reminds her of her mother #it’s so thoughtful and nice and she can’t believe mc is being nice to her when she’s been terrible to them #and it’s like the first time in a while someone has truly paid attention to her and has seen her #and the lil baby crush starts from there and grows over time she’s doomed #she doesn’t know how to deal with it so she just gets MCs attention in the best way she knows how by bullying them lmao #aaaaand she’s prob in denial for a bit #ok I’m done #I wrote a whole fic in the tags #mella speaks

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brittie-frog · 6 months

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Right here's what I hope happens since we're not getting a qsmp stream like Foolish and Tina said we would get this weekend.

- they reset the art in the museum on Monday doing a nepotism and putting Tina's art of Pomme in

- wait a few days for people to see it and those that don't know about it realise that it THE TinaKitten that drew it

- have a lore stream that's potentially just Tina (and Foolish) escaping because Bagera and Cellbit chose to stay while Tina and Foolish were running to the boat and wanted to escape

- Foolish and Leo reunion, Teaduo reunion

- Tina finally gets to meet Empanada and immediately hit it off then they go to the museum as a mini family

- Tina points out the Pomme drawing and how she got in because nepotism and Empanada asks her to draw her

- Tina immediately does it off stream and privately messages the admins to put it in the museum and then she'll post it on the next monday after they've seen it so it's not spoiled

- chat and Em both freak out at seeing Tina's adorable drawing and then all the other eggs keep asking Tina to draw them

#i literally had this dream last night #and either em is cheeky being like why didnt you draw me? since the museum isnt canon #or is super nervous asking to be drawn as well because shes a little sweetheart #please i need them to meet and tina immediately fall in love #also bagi needs to ask her to be her girlfriend the second they get a moment alone #i cant have tina keeping going around like 'shes my minecraft... crush???? she might not have meant anything that way!!'#after having gone on a date and bagi literally constantly flirting with her #while bagis just constantly refering to her as her girlfriend before adding that she hasnt actually asked yet #these gay disasters #teaduo #qsmp #qsmp tina #qsmp empanada #qsmp bagi #qsmp teaduo #it would be funny that if tina does decide to draw all the eggs that the space above the lecturn on the second floor is the place for them #then the rest is still the fans art but the eggs can see Tina's art of them without having to find them in the server #i just fucking love tinas art and her pomme and have done leo are so good #i want to jnow how she would design empanada

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noscomnias · 8 days

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"even though we may take different paths, i am... still his little sister."

#PLATONIC!!!#brainrot ahead..#thought a little too hard abt sunday and robin literally being madoka and homura (AGAIN PLATONIC I NEED TO STRESS THIS)#sunday did EVERYTHING all for the sake of humanity and his sister.. he made countless mistakes to help her and even avenge her (alleged)#death and making himself worse? becoming order itself? hurting himself mentally? all for robin. all for His People #he became so obsessed with control and making sure everything went right but every single time thjngs found a way to backfire #so even though he was protecting robin it still caused her harm in the end bc of his own selfish desires.. literally homura..#and in the end? robin (madoka) saved him despite him trying to save Her. and it worked.#they did it all for the sake of each other and sunday accepts robins help despite wanting the upper hand because its his sister. he was #expecting to fall and die alone because its what his mindset was. he thought he deserved to fall and suffer. but robin saved him!!!#MADOHOMU DO EVERYTHING FOR THE SAKE OF EACH OTHER AND HOMURA HAS THE SELFISHNESS AND URGE TO SAVE MADOKA #AND IN THE END EVEN THOUGH HOMURA WANTED TO HELP HER SHE HURT MADOKA (SEPARATING MADOKAMI AND TEEN MADOKA IN REBELLION)#AND MADOKA SAVED HER FROM BECOMING A WITCH ANYWAY!! BECAUSE SHE LOVED HER!!!#they are such. ugh. platonic doomed sibling love thsy make me so GHHGJHG #my art #honkai star rail #hsr #penacony #sunbin #art #artists on tumblr #robin hsr #sunday hsr #hsr fanart #sunrobin #pmmm #madoka magica #third piece of art ive done with pmmm undertones? yep

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transgender-battlekukku · 11 days

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Drawing Sonic british book characters part 3.1: Zone Rangers. I decided to separate this one into different parts because one, it has a spike up in cast size compared to Metal City Mayhem, and two, I've been feeling preetty bad those days, so separating in parts wouldn't make me go insane

Galen was my favorite to design since his more "anthro-furry" design meant I could do anything with that guy. At first i wanted to go into a bit of a Smithy-like muzzle, but it all went down the drain after I started taking reference from prototype Blaze designs to capture a more "royal feline" look. For his monster form, the Chaos Emeralds work wildly different in the british canon than they do in regular canon, so I decided to tie the corrupting gimmick and traveling around entirely different zones/cultures to another game that uses that concept: Sonic Unleashed, with Chaos corruption replaced with Dark Gaia corruption. I also tried to make his design a bit less.... insensitive than his original design (I'm likely going to do this as well for the crocodiles and warthogs, as they manage to be worse in that topic)

(yikes...)

Mildred was easier to design since she had arguably had less *ahem* problems compared to Galen. The fact that she's a child (seemingly younger than Tails) corrupted by the Chaos energy and it's never really confirmed if she's definitely cured of it, maybe even making it an STC Super Sonic situation. Drei-Gunug (the Eater of Foxes, according to the book) was more interesting to design. I had take my own liberties since the only thing referencing a change in design in Mildred to Drei is that she "looked full of hate". The setting she appears in is fully covered in ice and even a mammoth appears, but since there are no monkeys in Alaska (that I'm acknowledged of), maybe she lives in whatever is the Sonic's world equivalent of Himalaya

#i wish i could've done a deep dive into my design inspirations in boombox and dancer #or even the critter's designs #but 1. there are TOO MANY critters in that post alone #and 2. i was kinda burned out to say anything about boombox and dancer #btw i didn't say this in the post to stop yapping #but galen's coloration is a reference to how his corrupted form is described as being cyan-green #it's only his corrupted form but i decided to make it his main form #sth #galen the cat #mildred the monkey #drei gunug the eater of foxes #<- such a silly name #traditional art #traditional drawing #she's the one monkey falling to her doom btw

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