#and that is SPECIFICALLY what im trying to challenge in myself here
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I am so desperately Afraid all of the time that I erase most of what I have to say shortly after I say it, and, in doing so to run from the people who are Not taking meaning from my words, I've only now realized I take away that opportunity for all the people who Do
#seems obvious but i was so focused on heres all the ways people will disagree and attack#that i was overlooking why I use my words in the first place#i want people to feel heard and seen and i want people to see a new way of looking at things#i want to explore nuance and what we lose when we forget that and just parrot lines back and forth#i want to make space for people who live in the grey spaces and the beginnings of journeys#and speak in a way that maybe someday will get through to those w good hearts and bad praxis#and i get SO LOST in fear#so lost in what people might say or misinterpret and misconstrue my words or every worst case scenario#that its easy to run and take away my own voice#and that is SPECIFICALLY what im trying to challenge in myself here#and yknow what sometimes i get flack but if i leave that post up sometimes 3 times that number find meaning there#note to self: write to the people who need to hear it#who are willing to and able to listen#the ones who purposefully or otherwise misinterpret or misconstrue or attack are not Your Audience#so stop reacting only to them????
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heya! i just rewatched your sc2020 video…again… and then found out you're on tumblr and, of course, immediately went to look if you've posted anything about sj aswell and found that post from *checks notes* 1.5 months ago - so, i guess what im here to ask is, would you mind elaborating on that?
im unfamiliar with marble blast (im so sorry i do not have the brainpower to watch your essay on that...yet) so the comparison you make is not particularly useful to me :v
also for context, i did contribute to sj, specifically playtesting and programming, so i do have Opinions™ (that im gonna keep to myself due to lack of anon ask (not a bad thing! i understand why you have it off)) and i wonder if those happen to bleed through to the player experience or if your gripes with it are something different entirely.
well, firstly, i have developed such a deep seated hatred of the celeste community that i haven't opened the game in months and i've considered just deleting my spring collab video multiple times, I'm not finishing any more of my maps because I don't want to make anything for these people. so i didn't actually finish SJ, I did everything up to & including the easy half of the grandmaster lobby though, and my take is that even with the few miracles I found within the map list, it would not have inspired a video essay on the level of the spring collab one if I'd played it first. it's just not as interesting, and not as rewarding to study. it represents a horrible misattribution of priorities that permeates the entire community.
in that video, i confidently say that spring collab is ALWAYS interesting, because modding culture is interesting even if it's interesting for being a little bad or revealing something about the author's proclivities. strawberry jam represents a near unanimous drive to remove authorship and make levels that are impartially agreeable, to make Celeste 2. it's only interesting when the mapper does something interesting on purpose, like Paint, Pointless Machines, Undergrowth, Summit Down-Side or Flipside Cliffside. a path of least resistance emerged in the time between SC2020 and Strawberry Jam, and experiencing it in this quantity made me forget what I liked about this game or this modding scene in the first place. the volume of creative gimmicks and varied aesthetics is huge, but each one starts to feel identical after being ground through this particular jank-averse process. I still have strong opinions about every map in SC2020, even the ones that might seem unremarkable, I can only barely begin to quantify the entire fucking C tier of my SJ tierlist. it's diverse on the surface but the substance is homogenous, especially intermediate through expert.
also in my SC2020 video, I talked about a certain tension that arrives once you get to the expert lobby, where the mappers had to create uncommercial levels of difficulty that rubbed against a similar apparent drive to make the player feel like they're actually doing the challenge & not just watching it. strawberry jam arrives at this conflict far earlier, the INTERMEDIATE maps and onwards are the ones that seem to pull between making interesting challenges while also having the player be an agent in those challenges. they want the intermediate levels to feel hard, look cool, and the solution is to just make them ridiculously constrained so the only way is the ~satisfying~ way. that's why I won't make a video about strawberry jam, because many segments in my spring collab video already serve as criticism for strawberry jam. it made the same mistakes again, but worse, and with far less of the things that made me love spring collab in spite of its flaws.
here's my tierlist, if there are any questions i'll try and qualify any of these takes with what i can remember from playing it. however, for reasons stated previously I won't be playing more so this is probably gonna be it.
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tips on how to draw raph? :3
I’m a raph lover but he is so hard to draw 😔
hey an!! listen i get u completely, this big spikey boy can be a real challenge
my main advice would probably be to recognise raph’s structure? his shapes and how he’s formed, etc. and the best way for that imo are references! i have a tag for this actually
and here’s some raph refs!
if u wanna know how to draw the entirety of the best boy this post wouldn’t do it justice so here’s some main things:
if you’re trying to replicate the show’s style keep in mind how angular everything is. raph's main shape is a square because of how bulky and rigid he is (helps to encourage his character's role too! love that they made him such a fucken tank)
raph’s head shape is basically if you widened leo’s head- they’re both pointed too
one main thing i do for any head really is keep in mind the eye placement and the cheeks
if u happen to draw faces with the fabled circle and two lines- i use the horizontal line to mark where the bottom of the eyes are- and where the start of the cheek begins (i’m doing my best not to make this into a ‘now draw the rest of the owl’ moment)
if that makes any sense. heres a really shoddy 'tutorial'
i kinda just blank out on my canvas and raph appears out of sheer will
but also just like.
figure out how you like raph's head to look (maybe u want his snout longer, or his jaw shorter, etc etc)
figure out where his brow ridges are located and how they're moving (is he grumpy? is he angry??)
make a mask for his eyes to go in (jebus take the wheel)
pronounce snout (it protrudes, which makes it easy to figure out his facial planes)
do whatever feels right for his mouth- im not exactly rigid with how i draw as of rn, i just do what feels right
ive drawn raph with a more pronounced snout too, and oscillate between designs if i feel like it (truthfully i also sometimes begin his head shape with a square (i mean if im doing a different style), feel free to do that if it helps i dunno-)
if you want to draw his shell and plastron here’s what i do:
being able to carve out 3D shapes will help a lot with the border of his shell
by blocking out the main shape and then carving away at it you can then see how raph’s shell is structured (just. try decipher my sketch if u can pfghjhj)
for the actual shell itself it’s a lot like mikey and leo’s where it has a big curve and then dips at his midsection (where his belt goes!) also keep in mind the spikes of his shell follow those same curves (ft. dr belle)
with his plastron (chest plate) i basically make sure it’s the same length of his clavicle? the jagged edges of it i mean. it helps a lot to map out where his shoulders meet his arms
(pls keep in mind my art’s inconsistent and i don’t even follow my advice- the hole in his shell changes every time i draw it 💀)
his body shape is also just in general wider and stockier- if i ever see people draw him skinnier than he is you'd be able to hear my soul exiting my body
all of him is wider in general! hes bigger than the rest of his brothers so dont forget to show it instead of just giving him a height difference. he BEEG.
i’m not sure how else to describe the process of drawing him other than just. draw him?? 😅 my best advice would be to draw him repeatedly based on references- and study your favourite raph artists’ way of drawing him (mine would be jacocoon and itz_jazzy_jazzin)
and it helps to study bc it can answer these questions
how do you want to draw him? do you like the way a specific artist stylises his features? do you want him more spikey? more sharp? maybe you want to draw him bigger! (i myself like to give him a tail, extra markings on his spikes + a few scars post movie and his mismatched eyes)
repetition is super important to get it all engrained in your brain- and it’s why i don’t really even use refs for him anymore fldjs
dont forget a very important rule: appreciate the big boy in all his glory
#im not exactly the artist to go to for help unfortunately dfkdjhsdh#hoping this helps somehow#its better to understand his structure#every now and then i apply it to my sketches#most times ill just dick around on my canvas#feel free to dm me if you want more in depth stuff ajhddgh#rise raph#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#ask
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a long list of reasons i love my niqab and abaya
first and foremost, it is what makes me feel closest to Allah. i am in a constant state of worship when i am wearing my veil. i even wear it in the house.
i feel so incredibly protected. i know i sometimes am actually putting myself at risk wearing my abaya and veil, but regardless, there is such a safe feeling when i wear it
nobody! knows! the! shape! or! size! of! my! body!
the genderfuckery of it all. im a boy in a girl way and a girl in a boy way and my gender and faith are so incredibly intertwined.
its fun to play around with different color combinations and styles! i genuinely find it to be like. a fun little challenge to see how i can style something different about my look every day. like an online dress up game where you drag and drop the clothes onto a static doll. yes i am autistic why do you ask
on the note of gender again, it really helps me connect with the girl part(s) of my identity, something i had suppressed for a long time in trying to fit in with other trans men (a note here: don't really consider myself a trans man anymore. only label im using is boydyke currently. it fits like nothing else ever has)
i won't lie! i feel really beautiful! and i like feeling beautiful!
warmb. roast me like a chicken i love the heat. you can catch me wearing layers in the summer. yes i am anemic why do you ask
this is very specific but babies and little kids LOVE IT. especially when i'm wearing jersey fabric. so many are very curious and like to play with the fabric! have gotten slobbered on plenty of times. this is okay. they are children
sensory heaven. i am in my own little bubble and most people dont even look at me let alone speak to me. those who do are usually muslim themselves and will greet me warmly, because like, that's what we do!
#thought bubble#this is perfectly fine to rb but also i can not imagine either of my two (2) current followers want to dahjahfdg
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ok now im gonna need u to write photographer armin pls & thank you!! him giving u a photo album of his fav photos when he confesses? yes 100%
CHLOE MY DEAREST. omg I'm sorry I left you in drafts for so long. I had two panic inducing pet incidents happen within like two days of each other. Everyone's okay, I just freak out when things happen to my babies. **I've also never written for Armin, so this was a bit of a challenge for me. I hope this is okay💖 It's probably my own insecurities about the way I look but I literally fantasize about seeing myself through other peoples eyes, so literally any opportunity to write about that, I'm gonna take it LOL**
You love when it's like this. Just you and Armin laying out on the hood of his car, music playing softly through the open windows, while you talk about anything and everything under the sun.
You loved everyone in the friend group, but you and Armin just seemed to have a special connection. It was easy to talk to him about everything, and he was always bringing little fun facts for you when you needed some cheering up or even just a change of subject when things got too heavy.
So, here you were, chattering on and on about a movie you’d watched recently, telling him about every theory you’d thought up and all the different characters. You can’t help but notice Armin seems to be looking at you differently this time, more attentive, but also not. Like he’s making more eye contact but he’s not actually hearing you.
“Armin?…you okay?” You ask, face etched with concern.
“Hm?” He seems to shake himself out of his head to answer you. “Y-yeah. I’m fine, sorry. Just a lot of my mind, I guess.”
Well, that was different. He’s usually really up front with you when something was bothering him. The two of you confiding in each other and offering advice where you could.
“Do you want to talk about it?” You sit up, propping yourself up on your elbows to look at him more clearly. He seems…you don’t know, nervous maybe?
He pauses, like he’s trying to decide if he really wants to talk to you about this specific thing or not. He sighs, turning to face you.
"Do you ever wonder if it's better to enjoy something the way it is, taking what you can get, rather than risking ruining everything by asking for more?"
"I guess that depends on what the thing is," you say, trying not to pry. "I think, if it's something important to you, what's the harm in asking for more and trying to get the most out of it?"
Armin makes a face, it's almost a pained expression. You scoot a little closer to him, taking his hand in yours, trying to comfort him.
"It would help if I knew exactly what we were referring to." You say gently, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. You just want him to know that you're here for him, just like he's always been there for you.
He takes a deep breath, looking into your eyes, you hope he can see the genuine concern there,
"You know, every time I talk to everyone else about this, they always tell me just to man up and say something. That everything will end up okay, and I'm sure if it was anyone else, that would be true. But, I'm not anyone else, I'm me and..and.."
He does this when he's nervous or anxious about something. Ranting and going on and on, not realizing that all the extra words don't do anything to soothe his nerves. You give his hand another squeeze.
"Armin," You say gently, "I still don't have any idea what you're talking about."
He gives you an apologetic look, then lets out a nervous chuckle.
"Sorry, you're right. I'm not being very clear, am I?" He shakes his head again and goes to move off the hood. "Hang on, maybe this will help."
You wait for him as he goes into the trunk of the car, searching for something before slamming the trunk back down and holding out a book to you. You take it hesitantly, unsure if it's really meant for you or not despite him handing it to you.
"Open it," He's still standing at the hood of the car, fiddling with his nails.
You take the book, holding it upright and opening it, surprised to see a bunch of photos, and you seem to be at the center of all of them. There are photos where you were all obviously with the group, but despite there being so many other potential subjects, Armin had focused on you. There were some photos that he took when it was just the two of you, late at night when he'd take you on a drive after complaining that you couldn't sleep, photos of the two of you at breakfast together.
"I um.. I was saving that for your birthday, but Jean and Connie said I should just give it to you now. It's all my favorite pictures of us, a-and some of my favorites of you." He runs his hand through his hair, sighing before he continues. "Look, I know we're really good friends, and I don't want to mess up anything we have.. I just.." Another sigh, and you can't help but stare at him now, album still clutched in your hands. "You're so... special, an-and smart, and funny, and beautiful, it..god, it drives me crazy sometimes. I...like you..like, really, really like you."
You just sit there, hands clutching the album, staring at him. You can't believe what you just heard. Your heart is hammering in your chest, the blood rushing in your ears. He keeps going while you process everything he's said.
"and I... totally get it if you don't feel the same. Our friendship is so important to me and I don't want this to make things weird.."
"Armin," You start, setting the book to the side, before sitting up on your knees to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into you. "I like you too, a lot."
"You do?" He asks like he's genuinely surprised.
"Yes, you dummy." You chuckle, cupping his face in your hands. "Do you see me calling anyone else at 3am when I can't sleep?"
"I..I mean, no but I thought you just liked riding in my car the best."
"I like being with you the best."
"Oh," He lets that process for a minute, while you just look at him with that same lovey-dovey look you've always given him, wondering how in the hell he could have missed it. "So, do..do you want to be with me?"
"Obviously," You giggle again, before pressing your lips to his, content to spend your whole summer just like this, with your boyfriend.
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How did you learn how to draw anatomy? And if you use any references do you have links for good sources? I want to get better at it but i find it hard to get good reference images
references, trial and error, sheer determination, and my whole drawing journey across my entire life. for sources, there are many many options but for me personally i never enjoyed doing studies. though theyre helpful, i like to learn as i go, so the refs i compile are usually multi purpose (they have a cool pose going on, or interesting lighting) and learning anatomy is sort of a secondary result of all that.
but for sources - i get a lot of pics off tumblr (you can see what kinds of images i find useful on my inspo blog @morningprince), i also save hordes of images onto my pc and phone if i see anything remotely interesting while using the internet casually. pinterest is great for sorting reference types with personalized boards, and google when you cant memorize how to draw ears, no matter what, no matter how many times you draw them (hi). there are also anatomy textbooks you can find on the internet with a little digging but ive never cracked any of these open, because again, i like to just learn as i draw, and if i run into something i dont know how to draw in the middle of a painting i'll often try to look up a ref for that specific thing on the spot.
and when you absolutely cant find the reference you need in the middle of a drawing, use your own body. the amount of awkward pics i have of myself that i forget to delete when im done using them is unspeakable. if i ever lose my phone i hope whoever finds it enjoys the plethora of totally unsexy tit pics of me on here
but yeah i feel like ive been very slow with my anatomy journey when you look at how long it took me to get here. all i can really say is dont give up, and try to have fun with the challenge of learning. the few times i have done studies i liked incorporating my fave characters onto the geometries (being into spiderman really helped as an excuse for trying some more flexible poses back in the day). i believe in you!
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Do you have any tips for getting back into reading?
I do, anon!
So for context, as I said previously, I went from reading 50+ books a year to 5-6 a year max for about half a decade. Most of this related to a longterm downswing in my overall health and my executive dysfunction specifically. I would pick books up and never finish them; my attention span was dead in the water, as was my motivation to even try half the time. It took a couple years of active effort to get back to a 3 book a month average. So here's a few subjective tips I personally found helped. They may not be useful for everyone, but this is what personally helped me!
Some of the techniques I used:
Follow your interest and enthusiasm, and don't be afraid to hop around books. I was stuck in a rut for ages where I'd start a book, lose steam, and vaguely want to read another one instead... but I insisted to myself 'no, I need to FINISH this one, I can read that one when I'm finished!' Obviously, I just never finished the books period, rather than methodically finishing everything one at a time, as I'd hoped I would. I read less, not more. The most important thing period is getting momentum back up; better 4 'still not finished'-s on the way to the book you unexpectedly finish in one sitting than nothing finished, and just a vague sense of guilt. If a new book calls to you and your current one feels interminable, seize that urge and start the second book so you can keep your motivation going. At least you're reading something then; the alternative was usually just not reading either book, for me.
Try some shorter books. I read a lot of novellas to get myself going again last year especially, and it was fantastic. Again, it helps get the momentum going, to be continually working up to longer stuff. (Plus novellas are just a great medium in their own right! Length =/= depth. SFF especially is having a real Novella Moment rn!) Hell, read short story collections, read poetry chapbooks, read plays- if you can only read 75 pages before losing steam, find a 75 page book worth reading. There's tons of them.
Try and carve out reasonably consistent times to read. For me, I started saying that after work most evenings if I was still awake really late, that was now book time, not Twitter/etc time. I read on my lunch a lot at work, and on Sunday afternoons. You don't need to be rigid, that can just be restrictive, but make it a routine you can easily make time for on a predictable basis without hoping you'll spontaneously 'feel like it'.
Read shit you love. This sounds obvious but like. You can't easily branch out of your comfort zone into more challenging-to-you stuff til you have the momentum going, IME. Start off reading the shit you know you like, heady intellectual ambitions be damned. Yeah yeah, reading outside your usual lane is often rewarding, but it'll wait a year til you get back in the swing of it. Read 50 romance novels in a row if that does that for you. The other books will wait. Likewise: reread shit you know inside out. Your to-read list will be here once you got a few of those old familiar faves in.
Those are the big things I guess. A lot of it was locating what really resulted in bottlenecks for me and tailoring what and how I read to them, instead of trying to force past them. Finding the books that fit what I could manage helped me reach a point now where I can read more broadly again. It's like building endurance, you can't start at 110%, I found.
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im starting to realize that (maybe?) i have found myself in a circle of blogs with neo-baeddel beliefs? im tramsmasc, and ive always found the tme/tma thing a bit Icky for a lot of the reasons you’ve mentioned in posts. and now i feel like if i become a “””transandrophobia truther””” i will be perceived as anti-transfem/trans woman - which to be very clear, i am not. and at the end of the day it really seems like unnecessary in-fighting. i have a lot more feelings about this but i dont wanna take up your time. idk i just wanted to get this off my chest cause i am Confused and feel like a bad person just for being transmasc?
I'm really sorry you're feeling that way! Nobody should be made to feel bad or wrong because of their identity.
I think it's important to ask whether the things we're doing are harming others, and to be open to receiving criticism. I say that because I think it's important that we consider ourselves fallible, and always growing, and that we look to the people around us to challenge us and help us do that.
We should also feel comfortable answering those questions, and recognizing when criticism isn't really productive, too. If you feel like you don't have the space to disagree with someone else on something like that, especially if you cannot imagine a situation where disagreeing would be warranted, that's a sign that you're lacking some essential trust in your relationship with yourself.
And I want to touch on some language you're using as well; you use the word "perceived", but then assert that you aren't "anti-transfem/trans women". It feels to me like you know you're not actually what people might perceive you as, that you wouldn't be even if you discussed your ideas openly, and your worry is in how other people see you. What I wonder here is: which is more important? What can you actually control?
You are a living, breathing, growing human. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to do and say the wrong thing, and you are going to look like an asshole sometimes. That doesn't make you a bad person, and it sounds like you already know that! Trust that you are trying, and surround yourself with people who trust that you're trying, too.
If you feel like the people around you don't and won't trust that you're trying, or like that trust hinges on your complete and total agreement with their beliefs- if you feel like you can't have these conversations with them in the first place- then I would seriously consider getting the hell out of there, regardless of what those specific beliefs are.
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Denial Journal: February 27th
so. um. im very throbby today. i like, cannoooooot stop touching myself. its kinda pathetic...
one of my followers suggested that, if i REALLY want to earn a nice full orgasm, i should try... going on no-touch for all of march. which!! ive never... done before... im pretty sure the longest ive gone without touching myself is like, three weeks? and, um. if i make it, it'd be the longest ive ever gone without an orgasm. 43 days, at least... id be going an extra five days without cumming than i ever have before ; ;
so. um. what... would i have to do to earn some touching during march? im open to specific suggestions, as always, but... heres some broad ideas:
doing something embarrassing would entail activities like... touching myself anywhere besides inside my own home, or having to beg for permission to touch. having to touch in positions that look lewd, or touch myself in ways that make me blush.
doing something challenging, on the other hand, would be tests of my will. having to use my edging machine, for example, or needing to perform difficult tasks. deepthroating a dildo to earn touch-time, or having to hold a certain amount of water in my bladder. having to fit a big toy in my ass, or needing to use unconventional objects to edge.
and again, PLEASE send me suggestions! ill probably make more polls later to narrow down options. maybe once a week, i'll let you guys pick how i can debase myself in march ♡♡♡
#dante's journal#denial journal#nsft#denial#long term denial#nsft denial#nsft txt#0rgasm denial#0rgasm control#edging and denial#nsft edging#edgeslut#edging kink#nsft trans#nsft tease#queer nsft#trans nsft#t4t nsft#ftm nsft#nsft poll#nsft polls
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Would you be willing to expand more on the choices that felt weird or janky? The book was pretty meh to me but I feel pretty alone in that sentiment
ya!! im still kind of muddling through the different routes so here are just a few things (spoilers ahead):
you suffer the most in this book by a WHOLE LOT and that doesn’t feel like it’s very. important. it just feels like bad things keep happening and it’s onto the next. it’s frustrating bc these are things that fundamentally change people.
wildly enough n’s romance (how I played it) might be. my favorite? in this book. I thought abt myself and my friends and ppl I know for a minute and was like “ya I’ve told people I love them very early in relationships maybe that’s fine I can live w that” and ive just rolled with it but the option even appearing DID feel a lil wild and out of pocket even with my mental gymnastics
a’s romance is trying to achieve sth that’s pretty specific in that tortured, sweeping soulmates kind of way. the push and pull was broken up in moments for A that felt. out of character for the sake of giving you romantic content. it felt rushed and sometimes, frankly, not cohesive w the character as previously written. some of it felt bizarre.
you can snap at tina but you can’t snap at the spy who’s leading her on.
why can’t you realize that you’re in love w f who you are IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH???
the tension w rebecca is rough bc everything w the chamber felt like it existed for the purpose of Introducing The Chamber and also showing rebecca’s ass as a liar. she pretty much tells u she didn’t raise u bc she didn’t know how to and you can’t challenge that you can’t freak out you just accept that info or get mad abt this lie that doesn’t feel like it matters that much
rebecca also said she didn’t have the clearance to know what happened to rook but she???? ran the agency?????? I get some of the other reasoning that’s like “it hurt too much to know” but be real be serious right now. Let me call her out.
AT LEAST let me call out. idk just facts? as they come up. the big bad referring to someone as a ‘she’ who scares them should immediately click for a detective w deductive skills as the leader of the rogues.
idk! I think a lot of romance should have been sidelined in this book. the detective should shift and be a little more characterized by what’s happening around them and I think the LIs could be huge as side support in that. THE BEST FRIEND ROUTES COULD BE SO GREAT FOR THIS TOO?? THOSE AND THE TINA VERDA CONTENT WERE GOLD
overall so much of the issue is very weird pacing
that’s a bit of where im at!
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weird kind-of-kind-of-not sagau fic idea that i might make myself LOL
isekaied reader/guide introduces them to Among Us. Specifically to the Mondstat Vision Holders. Everyone goes fUCKING FERAL for the duration of the game-- maybe even AFTER the game AHAHAHA
and like-- god im just imagining this specific scenario where you recreate the amongus maps in ur teapot so you guys could play irl and albedo or tubby develops a teapot leisure device specifically for it so you guys could ACTUALLY FOR REAL PLAY AMONG US IRL IN THE TEAPOT
everyones wearing the suits and they got the tablets with the report button and emergency meeting buttons and everything, and albedo figures out how to stream it to the rest of Teyvat-- with everyones different povs and things and everyones just rooting for everyone and ISERHLgFSLERHJkG
okay wow-- i got sO OFF WHAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO SAY AHAHAH but hey at least i set some ground rules first AHAHA
but yeah. so, imagine this--
this game of among us is composed of the knights and also Venti. So thats Diluc, Kaeya, Jean, Amber, Lisa, Albedo, Sucrose, Eula, Noelle, and of course Venti. The map here in this scenario is irrelevant but, I do have to say that the "additional roles" of Scientist, Engineer, Shapeshifter, and Guardian Angel have also been added and are all implemented into this game.
the first round? rotation? whatever you call it is actually pretty eventful with Albedo, Noelle and Venti already dead. Its actually really alarming since even if its just a game, Albedo actually takes this game REALLY SERIOUSLY and shows off his skill as the captain of the investigation team. hes the actually legit detective player-- one of his greatest plays actually being how he immediately figured out who the imps are bEFORE the game even started and bEFORE ANYONE DIED. The imps that game were very annoyed (playful) to say the least.
Noelle getting got is also like-- really serious since, as everyone knows, shes very helpful. a little too helpful. when she fully trusts someone, she will do everything she can to keep them alive and safe. and if that someone is sus abt someone, she is determined to help them figure out whether or not that person is an impostor or not. ultimate crewmate basically. one of her more "scary" plays is when she unwittingly became third impostor and LITERALLY BROUGHT EVERYONE TO THEIR DEATHS. THATS HOW HELPFUL SHE IS. god she felt SO BAD afterwards but it was a good name nonetheless.
The imps killing Venti off early meant that they werent playing around anymore, because that man has the GREATEST SOUL READ OUT OF EVERYONE. helps that hes also god but we dont talk abt that and also he cant use his archon powers to cheat LOLLL. One of his most memorable moments is how before they even started the game, he cORRECTLY PREDICTED WHO THE IMPS WOULD BE THAT ROUND. when the imps received their roles, they were definitely a bit more than shocked. in that same game, he just voted the two imps to break the tie for shit and giggles. and thats how they won the game. crack energy was strong in that one LOL.
The fear and distrust is rampant the whole discussion time, with Amber and Sucrose lowkey and highkey respectively panicking, Eula making hasty assumptions, Lisa challenging those assumptions, Diluc and Kaeya at each others throats, and Jean trying and failing to get things under control. They did nOT get anywhere during that and all begrudgingly voted to skip despite being at everyones throats. everyones suspecting everyone and the only people there who are FOR SURE innocents are Amber or Sucrose.
this is because, while they both may be lousy at being imps, they still act mostly the same both as imps and crews-- aka trying their best to be helpful and win. they're both usually kinda bad at lying. not that theyre bad, its just that theyre not good and you can usually tell if theyre truthing or not by the amount of information they provide and how eager and confident they are abt it. using that knowledge, they all simultaneously agree to shadow those two everywhere since they can tell that yes, they are crewmates, yes amber did watch sucrose fumble the id card 15 times because she keeps dropping it or doing it too fast or slow, yes sucrose did the vials first before walking around the map a bit to find her next task.
so thats what happens-- they split up into group amber and sucrose and go on opposite sides of the map. and then the sabotage happens. the lights die. the amber group, consisting of, of course, amber, jean and diluc, is closer and they rush to lights where team sucrose hadnt reached yet. they all pile up into a group and pull up the lights interface. and as they set it down, theyre immediately greeted by eula reporting a dead body and amber screaming.
after jean manages to get everyone down to a respectable volume, she asks for everyone to give their testimony since she had the interface up. amber nervously says that since there were so many people at lights already, she decided to not fix it but instead watch out for any impostors that might make a move. but when she saw the blood splatter, she couldnt see who did it clearly since they were at the edge of her visibility which is when she immediately rushed forward and spammed the report button.
eula backs her up and them immediately accuses lisa of killing sucrose, off the bar that the second the lights went off she had lagged behind. lisa is greatly offended, talking about how shes targeting her since the first round with no solid basis and eula strikes back with her saying something that lisa did in the first round that made her look sus. and then diluc and kaeya start rilling it up by backing the side that they were with the most, diluc backing lisa and kaeya backing eula even if they only saw the other in passing. it gets real petty REAL fast. literally the only reason diluc is backing lisa is because while jean is trying her best to be fair, she obviously favors lisa a bit more while kaeya siding with eula is more reasonable because they actually spent time together.
it ends with amber tying the votes since despite trusting jeans judgement, all eula had done was back her up and let her voice be heard in the two times theyve had discussions and proven herself to be innocent-- lisa got voted out by kaeya and eula and amber, and eula got voted out by jean and diluc and lisa. the second their screens fade back to the table they all realize that theres gonna be no rounds left since they havent figured out who one of the imps are and theres only six of them left. all it takes is for them to kill two and its over.
they all decide to separate and spread themselves as far as they can throughout the ship to get their tasks done as fast as they can. and as amber and jean start to walk out of medbay and are greeted by kaeya and diluc suddenly appearing in the back of the room, they know that the brothers have won.
everyone is screaming when the impostor win screen pops up, featuring diluc and kaeyas beans. literally NOONE expected them to win, considering the fact that they have been at each others throats the whole time both ingame and irl. fucking NOONE expected them to just-- quietly team up to MASSACRE the entire ship. because really-- who WOULD expect it??
their entire among us game history is just them bickering with each other, it gets like-- really kind of emotional and concerning sometimes-- theyve gotten banned from playing multiple times since the whole "being an impostor" thing has very similar connotations with being a spy from another country and we aLL KNOW HOW THAT WENTTTT
the synergy between the two-- ugh--
eula is just mad she accidentally became the third impostor. AGAIN.
oh yeah, kaeya was the shapeshifter. the first kill in the first round was a double kill with venti and noelle. diluc vented out of the scene but popped up in a room where albedo was but his cooldown was still going so he just did his best to try and herd him away from the button and hope that he runs into kaeya. and fortunately kaeya does run into them, and a bit of hope blooms in albedos heart which was then promptly crushed by kaeya murdering his ass. he then watches as he turns into venti and they both leave the scene. from the second he knew they were working together, he knew they were screwed. but he does respect using the quiet expectation that they would never get along to their advantage.
the bickering did have some actual heat behind it though since diluc obviously almost fucked them in the ass when he vented infront of bedo AHAHA
#foejihurlksjdfnkjighjsfd just ragbros wORKING TOGETHER IAEOUHSDJFKEHJSDF#genshin#genshin impact#genshin impact au#genshin impact sagau#genshin sagau#genshin impact self aware#genshin self aware#sagau#diluc#diluc ragnvindr#kaeya#kaeya alberich#among us#feel free to continue or add on lollll#but if u do pls credit AHAH
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hi purple compromise! so, after reading your fic, and a few others, it really inspired me. authors like you push fanfiction to its best, in my opinion. i was wondering: what tips would you give to a fledgling fic writer? id love to hear some of your process if you want to share. its always been a little dream of mine to write a longfic, and im working towards that, but i thought your input might be enlightening. thanks for all the updates over the years.
Gosh, thank you so much! I'm delighted to know that you have enjoyed the fic so much, and flattered that you'd ask me for advice. If you're looking for my process specifically on TiWWaN, I have talked about developing a tenth class, developing character, and conceptualizing the world/story before.
Hmm... tips for a fledgling writer? I talked a little about advice I'd give a beginning writer here, but it sounds like you're probably looking for something a bit different.
Advice I would give to myself if I could time-travel back several years to when I was thinking about writing long works would be: learn how to plot and outline. Read about how other authors plan a work, and practice doing it, even if you hate planning, even if you don't use everything you learned. It will save you a headache later and prevent having a fic with no foreseeable end in sight. As it turns out, a beginning and an end are not going to get you through the middle. 🤣
That said, I have had a great (if challenging and occasionally frustrating) time flying by the seat of my pants! But I do not recommend it if you want a finished product in any kind of reasonable timeframe.
More importantly, though: have fun! Do not be afraid to experiment. It's very difficult to learn and grow if you're always doing the same thing, too afraid of what others might think to try something unusual. Remember that you are writing because you want this story, because you are having fun doing it. Keeping the joy and the fun can sometimes be the hardest part--but it is the most important.
I hope that helps! And if you have any other specific questions, I would be glad to answer them!
I hope you have a fantastic week.
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i feel like i've written and fed you all enough that i am allowed to swoon over my own writing, so here are some thoughts i have on some of my favourite dialogue i've written.
"Y-you just- you left me, Natsu, and you didn’t even have the decency to say goodbye, and I-" she paused, gasping for breath between her words and sobs, "and I was so lonely, I didn’t have anyone! Because it was Aquarius, and then you, and then the rest of the guild, and then I was all alone. I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do with myself, and the only person I wanted to talk about it with was you, but you weren’t there."
and
"But now you’re here, and I’m- hic I’m so happy, but I want to hate you for what you did, but I can’t because you’re my best friend."
from 349 days
they needed to talk about this so bad and im still mad that they didn't because you know lucy had so much to say. i really wanted to convey the feeling of lucy just breaking and letting everything all out at once. natsu hurt her so bad but she can't hold a grudge against anyone, much less her best friend who she loves maybe more than anyone
"Natsu, I- What did… what did I do wrong?" She asked, desperation in her voice.
He didn’t know what to say. This hadn’t been in their plans; it wasn’t something he ever hoped he would have to prepare for; it just was. Blaming herself was the last thing he wanted her to do, because he knew all of this was just some horrific, sick twist of fate.
"You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess this just… happens," he offered, mumbling as his lips grazed the crown of her head.
from your fingerprints (left scars on my heart)
i find natsu to be a really interesting character to write dialogue for, and i find angst to be specifically quite challenging for him, and i think this one line exemplifies why. he's not as good with words as lucy is, and in the context of this fic it's even more challenging for him to come up with words of comfort because he is also hurting. he knows it's not lucy's fault, he doesn't want her thinking that it is, but not only does he not have her eloquence or vocabulary, he also doesn't know why this has happened either, so he's just doing his best to try make her feel better.
"C’mon buddy, mean ol’ Lucy is kicking you out," he quipped as he carried Happy out the door, who seemed completely unphased by the intrusion.
"Mean old Lucy won’t be giving you sex for a week if you keep talking about me like that!"
from a little bit of peace and quiet
this fic is wildly underrated imo, and i understand the concept is not everyones cup of tea, but i like it a lot. natsu and lucy have such fun banter, even while they're trying to have sex, and i think this might be my single favourite piece of dialogue i've written. not much else to say, i just needed you all to read it.
Lucy cocked her head to the side in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"Yeah, why would I kiss Lucy?"
Gray’s mouth fell open at their reactions; he knew what he saw, but here they were, pretending like nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred.
"I don’t know!" He cried out, "You did it, not me!"
"I think you were just seeing things," suggested Lucy, with a confused expression on her face that didn’t quite overshadow the knowing glint in her eyes.
Natsu, he expected that from, but he thought better of Lucy to try and gaslight him. Whether or not they were didn’t matter anymore, because the two of them had just made him look like an idiot in front of the whole guild.
"Yeah, Lucy’s right, maybe you need to get your eyes checked or somethin’"
"Hey man, I know what I saw!"
from secret moments in a crowded room
a bit of a longer one this time, but i feel like the context is important and it's another one that makes me laugh. i really enjoy writing gray, which is unfortunate considering i only really have an interest in writing nalu, but it's always a treat when i do get to write it. i love them gaslighting him and i love how he's not thrown off by natsu doing it, but it's lucy gaslighting him that pulls what he saw into question. i love how he is completely unwilling to give in even though he is wildly uncertain about what he saw, because he refuses to let natsu be right.
this is also my obligatory named after a taylor swift lyric fic.
"Oh Natsu~" she began, her hands clutched to her chest and a dreamy look in her eyes, "why don’t you stay here with me? That way, we can always be together~"
Natsu remained unphased by her proposal, his hands held behind his head as he mindlessly kicked his leg back and forth.
"Nah, sorry, but I’ve already promised that to someone else," he replied casually, "plus, I gotta stick with Lucy, make sure she doesn’t get herself into trouble."
from i don't want to be your friend (i want to kiss your lips)
a lot of good dialogue in this fic, but this one is particularly meaningful, because it's one of those ones that i came up with and felt like a fucking genius for. obviously this is a reference to the together forever line at the end of the original series which is basically just natsu proposing to lucy. even though it carries a lot of weight to it, he's able to say very casually that his forever belongs to lucy. he'll also never give up a chance to roast lucy, even though it is very much lucy making sure he doesn't get himself in trouble.
"It’s just part of the job description," he joked, "I take care of ya, and then I get to touch your boobs."
from tender love & care
lines that make me commit tiny laugh. also natsu loves her boobs so.
"Is this a joke to you?" She accused.
"It’s not a joke," he replied, his expression dropping into a serious gaze. "You think I’m doing all this stuff because I wanna be your friend?"
Lucy had gotten so in her head about Natsu that she wasn’t even sure what any of his actions meant anymore.
"Yes… No… I don’t know…" she murmured.
This was all just making her feel so stupid. Of course he knew what he was doing; he wasn’t dumb, and she really should have given him more credit than that. She had simply ingrained herself so far into the friend zone that she didn’t even consider the possibility that maybe he did want to be more than friends with her.
"Yeah well," he began, nervously avoiding her gaze, "I don’t just wanna be friends, and based on the way you kissed me back, I’d say you don’t wanna be either."
from taking the hint
+1 to dialogue i went feral writing. natsu and lucy are such different people and they show their feelings in wildly different ways, so even though lucy thinks she understands him she really doesn't. lucy knows natsu better than anyone, but also knowing someone as a friend and knowing someone as a romantic partner are two very different things, so it makes sense that she's misinterpreting his romatic actions as just him being weird (read, autistic). she's so in her head about it that she's willing to misinterpret him straight up kissing her as a joke because she's truly fully convinced that natsu doesn't see her that way when he's been trying to tell her that he does this whole time.
"I love you," she mumbled, her eyelids heavy, lashes fluttering as she let them fall.
Her sudden declaration did little to catch him off guard. They’d exchanged dozens of I love you’s in the past because it was true. He loved her, and she loved him—the same way she loved everyone else in the guild. Of course the words held weight for them, but not any more than they should have coming from any other member of their family.
"I love you too," he replied, brushing her fringe out of her eyes.
"Noooooooo," she whined, "I’m in love with you." Her eyes fluttered back open to meet his, and within them, he was met with a sincerity that he wasn’t sure he was able to comprehend. "It’s different."
from alcohol free
i do wish that we got more of the guild members telling each other that they love them, but with the feral shipping culture i understand why we don't get that, so i simply have to insert it in my own fics instead. they do love each other, and that love is not just limited to romantic love. they loved each other platonically long before romantically and even though natsu's not much of a words guy i think they would exchange platonic i love you's with each other pretty often, i think they would with the other guild members too (lucy more than natsu). something something lucy not hearing it as a child something something. that's why it was important for lucy to make the differentiation between her loving him and her being in love with him. the love she feels for natsu is not the same love she feels for the rest of her friends, and while she's afraid to tell him that sober, drunk lucy is coming in clutch and making sure he knows.
#mya's mumbles#nalu#this was fun i love analysing my own work like an english essay#i'd love to do this more often because i put so much thought and intent into my work#or i'd love to see others interpretation of my work#like a silly little fandom english class
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I've made the choice to refrain from answering anymore questions about my love life.
I think I've said plenty about everything for everyone to know where I stand. The reality of the situation is it's unlikely to immediately improve unless she suddenly changes her mind on things and given the time it's been and that she has someone else to focus on it isn't likely.
Yes this hurts honestly more than words can express. Losing a lover is always hard and losing your bestfriend is even harder. Anytime my phone beeps it all I still think it's her, anytime I go to play a game I want to play it with her, anytime see a meme, or something happens in my day I want to share it with her. I saw a future with her one that I want more than anything. It's crazy to me that I didn't want to waste any time because I found exactly what I wanted and time was exactly what she needed. I fucked everything up and I'm learning to live with that. I meant everything I've said and will continue to keep all the promises I made. I'm trying very hard to stay hopeful, but I've tried everything I know so all I can do is wait.
I'm also taking a step back from this blog. I'm not disappearing but I don't think currently I can offer anyone advice, or continue to post nearly as much as I have been. I attended my first AA meeting for the first time in a long time. I don't think i have an actual problem with drinking but I do use it to cope and especially lately I find the bottle is the only thing bringing me any sort of comfort so a meeting to remind myself to take things in stride.
I'm still working on my 6 month challenge. I meant every word and I'm finally starting to see results of the hard work at the gym. I still have some issues to work through in therapy and some things I need to work on myself. The certification I'm working on(the first of many) will hopefully be accomplished by the end of next month. I'll make sure to update on that as it comes. Spanish admittedly im losing steam. It's hard to stay motivated when the person I'm working on this specific thing for wont even talk to me. I haven't given up it's just hard.
April has always been a hard month for me. A friend of mine died 9 days after his birthday over a gun accident when I was younger. The anniversary of those two dates came and went and It's hard to admit the weight of his loss still haunts me so Today I'm grateful for the time I got with my friends that are no longer here.
One last thing, I've decided to move within the next year. I had already planned to move to another state for her and had applied for jobs that I ironically ended up getting interviews for and turning down. I can't say that I will end up in that state but I would like a change and I think it's time.
Sorry, this isn't a positive update and I'm very thankful for those who have reached out.
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3DOLC x ROE — manifesting challenge
results here
so, little introduction, feel free to call me spoon (they/them). I mainly started this account for like last minute summer manifesting lol. to get me started though, I've decided to try this wonderful method by @starliet and @cleostoohot . what im manifesting exactly?
WHAT WE'RE MANIFESTING
MANIFESTING EVERYTHING INSTANTLY - self explanatory + adding that I will manifest even with any doubts
WATCHED AND ADMIRED - always be the person people watch from a distance and can't help but admire (possibly hallway crush too 👀)
DESIRED BODY - I was hesitant with this but I know I can definitely have it. basically my desired body + desired height + healthy weight + overall good body strength and health in all aspects if that makes sense
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO 🏃🏾
AFFIRM - saying affirmations like "roe, I have my desired results. roe, I manifest in under 3 days," and specific affs too. I'll say em mostly every hour I'm awake
MIRROR WORK - saying affs and complimenting myself in front of the mirror after every restroom break >>>
DAYDREAMING + INTERVIEW METHOD - my maladaptive daydreaming is gonna be soo useful these next 3 days omg
SUBLIMINALS - I won't be using this muchh sincei don't really need em but I'll still use them sometimes
as an ending statement, lemme say that im so excited to get my results and make my success post 📫 im starting tomorrow 23rd and the challenge should end on the 26th/27th (I might have to post the results the day I go outside again though lol) but im very excited for this, see yall soon.
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selly my love, hello! i hope your weekend was lovely - filled with all the things you love most!! ✨️
today i come by with a question (if you're cool with it ofc) — what did the process of writing your nanami fic look like? were there any parts you found challenging?
hello my dear birdie!! my weekend was relaxing, i watched dune 2 (which was so good omg) then slept through most of sunday hehe 🥹 it was great!! & ofc i am cool with a question, i love answering em!! 🥹 this is such an interesting one too!!
this might get long so i'll put it under the cut!
pre-writing
the nanami fic was really intended as a birthday gift to @mididoodles (it still is)!! but bc of my mountain of wips rn, i was checking for whether it could double as one of my event pieces too—which coincidentally so happened to be one requested by midi as well!!
with that in mind, i tried to conceptualise something that fit the prompt: showing i love you in all the ways you aren't used to while being relatable to midi—which brought me to an artist!reader au.
i've always wanted to write smth separated by sections that symbolised stages of a relationship, and this felt like a good opportunity to use the different steps of making a structure.
i know nothing about sculpting or anything art related in general sdjfbjhsa so i had to do a bit of research on the different types of medium and what specific material the reader could specialise in (cos there are some that do marble, stone, etc. too!). i eventually landed on clay/ceramic because the parts corresponded more in my head. while outlining, i was watching videos of people doing ceramic sculptures from start to end!
writing
ideas come to me very fragmented during ideation, and i kind of have to fill in the in-betweens while i'm writing. i had some scenes i knew i wanted to happen, but had to get a feel of what to put as the transitions to get there. and because of that, i really leant onto the general mood/feel of the fic a lot! i had some songs to guide me, which helped a lot, but while writing it, i was overall really nervous because the pacing was really slow and i didn't know if it was engaging enough or if the reader and nanami had good chemistry.
the fic is longer than i expected it to be but also still shorter than what it would be if i didn't try to condense it. i would have added another scene or two towards the last part, extended the breakdown scene, and added a date scene if i wasn't so much concerned with the length!
i will say though, that writing it had less friction than when i write stuff for gojo or col; dialogue was tricky (tho it always is for me anyway) but in terms of me scratching my head and struggling to get the words out, i didn't have that so much here. it also helped that each step in the sculpting process served as markers for the stage of their relationship i was writing for.
i focused on parallels a lot in this fic, mirroring scenes that happened before to happen later on but in a different stage of their relationship. overall, i took my time writing it and didn't have to force myself so much to pump it out. i'm not sure if this answers your question but i hope it kind of gives a picture of how my writing process went?
challenging parts
mostly accuracy of the sculpting process. trying to come up with the descriptions for the sculptures were hard too (i'm no artist or anything). figuring out the root of reader's problem was tough as well—i had a kind of complex/deep backstory for her and i didn't get into it too much bc i felt that it would have been too heavy already. overall though, i'd say writing it didn't make me want to pull my hair out so that's a good sign 🥹
thank you for asking this lovely question birdie!! im so touched you're curious about the process of my writing!!
#shotorus.process#this was so interesting birdie thank you!!#birdie.🐦#bluebird-in-the-breeze#ask#rep
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