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spectral-kitkat · 3 years

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Miraculous Rant.

Where the hell do I begin…

Season 1:

The show was decent in season 1. Some episodes were just mindless filler and probably weren’t needed in the grand scheme of things but they helped us get introduced to the characters, we got to know the plot and the world our characters inhabit. It was good. The love story between Adrien and Marinette was cute and off to a touching and fluffy start.

Season 2:

This season was immediately better than season 1. It had character development, it went more into detail about the lore surrounding the Miraculous and we got to learn more about our characters and their families and the villian’s motives. (HM really went from “I wanna destroy the world” to “I wanna wake my wife from the coma she’s in”).

We got to see new heroes which was fun! We got new characters like Luka and Kagami.

The season finale was epic! The Miraculous team all taking down all the previous villains in the show was awesome. At the end we even got Mari kissing Adrien on the cheek. It was great! (Even though it clearly reset itself in season 3 cause it’s never mentioned again)

I really enjoyed season 2 and it’s probably my favourite out of the 4.

Season 3:

Season 3 was kinda good and kinda bad. We had some great episodes but this is where the show took the wrong turn.

Marinette lost some of her character in season 3. This was the start of her descent into being the Queen of Mary Sues. It’s also where she was crowned the Queen of Stalkers! Her character took a fucking nose dive in this season. We had so many moments that just creeped me the fuck out.

1. The ENTIRETY of Puppeteer 2 🤢🤢🤢 I could not stand that episode. When we reached the dreaded statue scene I physically had to pause it like 10 times. That scene takes about 3 minutes to watch… it took me about 20. I cringed so fucking hard because of the secondhand embarrassment I was feeling. That was not sweet, it wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t the least bit cute… it was a train wreck! It was creepy and stalkerish and it’s a wonder Adrien even spoke to her again after that atrocity!

2. LB delivering the present in Chat Blanc. Two words: STALKER BEHAVIOUR!!! I genuinely could not believe my eyes when I saw LB run her hand across everything in his room and then actually SNIFF Adrien’s pillow. Like WTF!!! 🤮 I’m pretty sure whoever was responsible for that scene clearly thought it was the equivalent of when someone gets their S/O’s jumper or something and it still smells like them. But this turned it up to the nth degree and way passed the line of sanity.

Adrien was extremely under-utilised in this season. He didn’t really do anything. The only episodes we got about him didn’t really focus on him. ‘Felix’ whilst focusing on Adrien’s family didn’t really feature him. ‘Party Crasher’ while a beautiful mess was more about Mari trying to get into the party than the party itself. ‘Chat Blanc’ again focused more on Mari trying to fix her mistake.

We got even more heroes in season 3, not in the right order but they were there. It was fun seeing everyone’s transformations.

Season 3 was also the season of destroying redemptions. The big one obviously being Chloe. Season 2 was setting up this amazing redemption for her and before it could go anywhere it was wiped off the face of the earth during the finale (and don’t worry we’ll get to that dumpster fire later). Gabriel also had any remaining sympathy ripped away from him. How did the guy who stopped Gorizilla from letting Adrien die when he only thought he was CN go from that to using his son like fucking baseball in Chat Blanc when he knew his son was CN. Like I knew you were a shit father but you still cared about Adrien in some way shape or form but after that episode I can see I was clearly mistaken!

Before we get to the finale I want to talk about probably my 2 least favourite episodes from this season: Desperada and Reflekdoll

Desperada:

I fucking hated this episode! The only good thing was Luka getting to be Viperion, other than that this episode was awful!

Marinette was a selfish cringey bitch. Completely ignoring Luka to gush about Adrien to Jagged. Brushing Luka off as soon as Adrien turns up. Immediately cuddling up to Aspik and flirting with him when she needed to focus on the akuma (something which she has told CN not to do many times before)

Adrien, I love you kid but Jesus Christ you were a dumbass in this episode! Aspik’s design was terrible! Aspik himself was awful. I know Adrien tried his best but dude you were given the Black Cat miraculous for a reason! He shouldn’t have tried to be Aspik but even when he did he should’ve called it quits after like 5 resets not 25,913 times.

The only person with a brain this episode was Luka. So well done guitar boy, gold star!

Reflekdoll:

This episode was annoying! It was basically the start of the Marinette can do no wrong streak! When they have to swap miraculous I was happy cause it meant we got to see new outfits and see how they each handle the different powers. It would also serve as a way to get LB and CN to see what their partners role is first hand. Until we actually get to it…

LadyNoire is of course amazing and needs no introduction to using this new miraculous that she’s never used before. She’s cocky and confident and basically just LB in Chat’s costume with his powers.

Mister Bug on the other hand is just useless. He struggles with this new miraculous (like anyone would!) and is stupid and goofy. He has to rely on LadyNoire to solve the lucky charm. They swapped miraculous so shouldn’t that mean that Mister Bug should get the lucky vision and the creative powers that the earrings give him.

Overall Reflekdoll is awful. It was shitty writing and the start of Adrien getting the short end of the stick.

And now the season 3 finale… Just what the fuck. That is my only reaction: what the fuck!

Chloe you poor fucking child! What did they do to you!!! So much potential SQUANDERED!!!!

What was the point in bringing in all these different superheros with unique skill sets, costumes and transformations if you were just going to immediately reveal them to the main villian so they can’t be used again. That’s stupid! If you wanted the shock value that is “Oh no HM knows some of the heroes identities!” Then keep it as only some. Have like Max, Kim and Kagami outside trying to find somewhere to hide but unfortunately they get hit. Or Nino and Alya are hiding but the windows open and they get hit. Have some of the heroes hide so they’re fine! Taking away every ally of LB and CN’s was a stupid move! (Even if they wanted Alya to become a spy have her as part of the like 4 that get revealed or something, it’s not that difficult)

Season 3 was 50/50 for me

Season 4:

So I know season 4 isn’t even halfway through yet but so much is wrong with this season already that I need to vent!

So my biggest problem with this season of Miraculous: Tales of Ladybitch and Rena Rouge, I mean Rena Furtive… shit, Chat Noir! Is that CN is basically pointless! Adrien has been flung over a rainbow and is only remembered when he’s needed as

1. Marinette’s love interest

2. Someone for LB to shout at

3. A plot device

He has basically been sidelined. Partners my ASS!!!

Adrien is being blown off by pretty much EVERYONE! It’s coming to a point where this poor sweet summer child is going to crack! And it is not gonna be pretty… I definitely feel like the writers are leading up to a big fight between CN and LB which will probably end with Chat Blanc 2.0.

I REALLY HATE MARINETTE/LADYBUG!!!! In Season 3 I said it was the beginning of her descent, well in season 4 she’s done it. She’s descended, she has hit rock fucking bottom. She is so unlikable I don’t actually care about her as a person. She has entered full blown stalker territory it’s only a matter of time before she starts killing people for even looking at Adrien! Not to mention that Miss Mary Sue here can’t do anything wrong! She never has to suffer the consequences of her actions, she is always perfect no matter what she does… it pisses me off!)

She’s the Guardian now big whoop. I know what it feels like to be stressed and under pressure so I do understand why she needed to tell someone about it all. I just don’t see why that person had to Alya! Especially considering she has someone by her side every akuma attack going through pretty much the exact same thing. I know she’s worried about CB happening again but as I said before the more she leaves him out the more she is actually pushing that to become a possibility! Plus it makes sense for them to reveal their identities now since LB is now the guardian it’s probably a good idea to know who holds the cat miraculous, she knows everyone else’s identities!

Even if she didn’t want to tell CN her identity she could still explain the situation to him. If she didn’t want to tell him anything (which she doesn’t anyway) then instead of Alya she should’ve talked to Luka! Her boyfriend for all of half an episode (thanks writers…). He’s so sweet and caring and clearly loves her so much! If she wanted someone to confide in then why not choose the person you clearly wanted to date but couldn’t because of that very reason! (Yeah I know it’s kinda a moot point now since Luka knows both identities but still). He wanted to try and comfort her so it would’ve been the perfect moment for it. That way you could still date him and he’d know why you had to suddenly leave dates halfway through! But no break the boys heart instead!

Adrien and Marinette were both such fucking idiots in the first 2 episodes. Like why would you start a relationship with someone when you know your heart isn’t in it! That’s called leading someone on and is a really shitty thing to do to someone! No wonder Kagami and Luka ended up akumatized!

Another aspect of season 4 I don’t like is Rena Furtive. Yes ok having a spy for your side is a good strategy but when said spy basically tells an important member of a duo that the 2 person job doesn’t involve them… it just really ticks me off! Alya you are the sidekick to LB and CN! Chat isn’t!

Miraculous specials:

The Miraculous World specials suck! Shanghai is better than NY but still has its problems. Both specials add nothing to the overall plot/lore of the show apart from trying to set up some weird cinematic universe…

NY special:

One of the worst things I’ve ever had to sit through! The plane scene alone I paused a few times. I want to say well done to Mari for trying to move on from Adrien (especially considering I’m pretty sure she’s dating Luka at this point) but I can’t help but think it’s just to give her character some pointless development that goes nowhere and doesn’t actually develop anything!

LB can pretty much fuck off at this point! I hate her! She put all this shit on CN (like she doesn’t know exactly how that feels). It’s like why does she get to go off on holiday but CN can’t. LB should’ve stayed in Paris for 3 reasons:

1. She’s recently become the guardian meaning it would probably be best that she stayed with the Mircle Box

2. She’s the only one who can purity the akumas

3. If she’s so sure about being the boss then she should take responsibility of Paris and the citizens.

What really pisses me off about her is what she says to CN during the big fight. “I can’t trust you”… surely you could have this conversation afterwards since you’re supposed to be focusing on taking down the villian! Plus everyone bashes Adrien for giving his miraculous up in this episode but look at it from his point of view: His partner and best friend just said she couldn’t trust him which in turn caused him to cataclysm someone and essentially kill them. That’s gonna take a toll on anyone, especially a 14 year old! He probably thought in that moment. “Ladybug needs a partner she can trust and someone who won’t mess up and kill someone. She needs a better partner.” It makes sense he renounces his miraculous! I’m just upset that in doing so he loses Plagg who is pretty much his only friend who actually understands what Adrien goes through at home.

When Uncanny gets CN to come back, LB acts like it’s not her fault in the first place that he feels inadequate! She didn’t even apologise for saying what she did! He apologised for lying about not being in Paris but nope LB wasn’t in the wrong at all and didn’t have anything to apologise for 🙄… (yes the LadyNoir hug was amazing but I just wish it was under different circumstances!)

Also are we not gonna mention Gabriel Agreste almost starting WW3??? He wanted to launch a fucking missile!!!

Shanghai:

As I said before, this special is way better for several reasons.

We got MariChat! (Best side to the love square imo). This special actually had some semblance on a plot. Fei, whilst a bit op, was a cool character. It was nice to see Wang Cheng again.

However once again there were many problems.

A big one being Marinette yet again! (What a shock! 😒 I’ll come back to this). Another was that once again HM’s motivation has changed. How is getting the Prodigious gonna help bring back Emilie??

Back to Marinette… The fact that the words “Huh?! There must be some kind of mistake! I always know what's up with Adrien! … His 5 first names and every corresponding name date, his yearly schedule, even his shoe size! If there were anything to know about him, I would know it!” come out of her mouth whilst she is flipping through his schedule that she keeps in her pocketbook is a hugh red flag!!! That is not cute or adorable! That’s messed up and Adrien needs to fucking run and maybe possibly go into witness protection… Marinette is a full blown stalker! Not to mention the GPS she has (that could just be the find my friends app on iphone but still).

It also is extremely rude of her to use not only her great uncle’s birthday but also a lie about wanting to know her Chinese heritage in order to go to Shanghai to stalk her obsession, I mean crush. This could’ve been avoided if the Dupain-Chengs were going to Shanghai for the purpose of celebrating Wang Cheng’s bday and then Adrien just so happened to be in Shanghai.

Also this means LB left Paris without telling CN! I know CN did the same but again he can’t purify the akumas. Plus he has a reason he couldn’t stay in Paris, Mari just went cause her crush did. Great guardianship there Marinette.

This was also the last time CN actually did something. Even if it was for a short while before LB and her female partner took over (the beginning of a theme…)

Other things:

There are 2 other things that I wanna say but felt they needed a separate bit.

In Furious Fu, Su-Han has a rule book that he uses to tell Marinette which rules she has broken. At the end of the episode he tells her that is she breaks 1 more rule that he will take the Miraculous and the Miracle Box off her, which fair enough but wouldn’t it be helpful to leave the rule book with her?! How can she be wary of not breaking anymore rules when she doesn’t even know what the rules are??

Now the big one: Master Fu…

Where do I even start with him. He is so fucking manipulative!! He is Asian Dumbledore!

He decides to leave these extremely powerful jewels in the hands of 13 year olds! Surely leaving the miraculous to someone in their 20s would’ve been better!

He clearly favours LB over CN even though the Ladybug and Black Cat are supposed to be partners! Wouldn’t it make sense for them both to be in contact with the guardian from the start?? He randomly started introducing rules such as if LB and CN find out each other’s identities they would lose their miraculous… what kind of bullshit rule is that? It also came out of fucking nowhere!

Final Thoughts:

But to summarise all of that: Miraculous is on quite a steep decline but I’m invested at this point and I am genuinely curious as to where the fuck this will go.

Marinette needs professional fucking help before the writers even consider canonising Adrienette cause at the moment she is not what Adrien needs!

Adrien needs to stand up for himself! He needs to pull LB to the side and tell her what he feels and what he’s going through cause he is on the precipice of a breakdown!

(Small point that’s more to do with the fandom: when searching for fanfics it’s really annoying that Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir Bashing is a tag but Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Ladybug Bashing isn’t. Why does everyone think Marinette can do no wrong???)

#miraculous fandom #miraculous ladybug #miraculous salt #adrien agreste #marinette dupen chang #marinette salt #master fu salt #ladybug and chat noir #fandom salt #thomas astruc salt #adrien deserves better #miraculous season 4 #miraculous season 3 #miraculous rant

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pterodactylterrace · 3 years

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Guys Like You Chapter 15

Title: Guys Like You

Chapter: 15

Chapter Summary: "Two lines means pregnant, right?"

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, miscarriage, illusions to smut and a shitty ex, swearing.

{Prologue} {Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4} {Chapter 5} {Chapter 6} {Chapter 7} {Chapter 8} {Chapter 9} {Chapter 10} {Chapter 11} {Chapter 12} {Chapter 13} {Chapter 14}

Everything seemed so similar to how it was the first time, years ago. The pit in her stomach, her pulse pounding in her ears. The feel of the wrapper when she opened it, the awkward positioning, wondering if she managed to soak it for the required amount of time, the unpleasant task of putting the cap back on the stick to keep urine from getting on anything else. All the same as the last time.

This time however, she also bore the scars from the previous experience. How her hopes had been crushed, how she'd been cast aside. She'd thought he would have been happy for some reason. He didn't use protection, so that meant he must have wanted to build a family with her, right? She had learned that wasn't the case. He was just a selfish prick. She'd waited for an ultrasound, just to fully confirm the life she had inside of her. She'd been thrilled to learn there were two of them. Twins, just like the rest of her family! He'd thrown the picture in the trash the second he realized what it was. He wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She was used goods. Worthless. Trash, just like the picture of her babies.

Now though, her boyfriend was waiting just outside the bathroom door. It had taken some urging to get him to leave the room, actually. It would seem the manner in which the test had to be taken had slipped his mind. An awkward staring contest had ensued before Faye had quietly asked him to leave so she could pee. A rare luxury she had as a mother, to be perfectly honest. He was quick to grant her some privacy after that.

She placed the plastic stick face down and scrubbed her hands thoroughly, wasting as much time as she could before she had to to open the door. Henry was waiting just outside, as he had promised, an unreadable expression on his face. Of course he would keep his emotions hidden for now. He was an actor, after all. No sense in letting her know how much he was freaking out as well, right?

"Well?" Henry asked softly, his hand automatically reaching out for hers, needing to feel her skin on his.

"It takes a couple of minutes to work..."

"Are you alright?" Henry asked softly, gently cupping her jaw and tilting her head to look up at him. Concern. A look she hadn't been accustomed to all those years ago.

"I don't know... I'm scared."

"I'm so sorry I put you in this situation." Henry apologized, carefully pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her. He needed to hold her in that moment, possibly even more than she needed to be held.

"I know you didn't mean to... It's just... well I told you about the last time."

"I'm not him, darling." Henry assured, resting his cheek on her head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, and I keep telling myself that. It's just hard to forget what happened before. For some reason, I thought he would have been happy. I should have known better, honestly. He never thought about anyone but himself."

"I can promise you, I would be incredibly happy to raise more children with you, if that's what you want. If you decide you don't want anymore, that's fine. I'll just have to settle for spoiling Briar even more to make up for it."

"I always pictured myself having a few kids. After having to go through my entire pregnancy alone and the miscarriage, and then having to raise Briar by myself, though... it wasn't easy. It made me wonder if I was even meant to be a mother."

"You're a fantastic mother, Faye. Briar thinks the world of you, and you've done an excellent job raising her, but you don't have to do it alone anymore."

"It's got to be done by now... can you go check it?" Faye asked hopefully.

"Together?" Henry asked, slipping past Faye to grab the stick.

"No, just tell me." Faye requested, chewing the inside of her lip nervously.

"Uhh... two lines means pregnant, right?"

"What?" Faye yelped, staring at him like a deer caught in headlights.

"I'm just looking at the key! There's only one line!" Henry quickly corrected, his eyes going wide when he'd realized his mistake.

"Oh my God, you asshole!" Faye groaned, throwing her arms around his middle and hiding in his chest.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that." Henry apologized, tossing the stick back onto the counter and holding her close.

"I'm so mad at you!" Faye whimpered, her voice muffled by his shirt.

"Would putting on your pretty new dress make you feel better?" Henry offered, smiling to himself at Faye's slow nod. "Then let's both get cleaned up. The sitter should be here in an hour, and I don't think answering the door wet and wearing nothing but a towel is a good first impression."

"You'd kill the poor girl if you did that." Faye snorted, tilting her head back and resting her chin against his chest.

"We need her to live. Someone has to watch Briar while we got get unreasonably drunk."

"Planning on drinking a lot tonight, my love?" Faye asked, raising a brow at him.

"Oh we are both definitely drinking tonight. It's a celebration and you've just been given the go ahead for drinking."

"But if we're both drunk, who's going to be the responsible one?'

"That's why we're hiring a sitter. We can both be irresponsible, at least for one night."

"Fine, but I'm taking the first shower." Faye sighed, pulling away and slipping down the hall, giving Henry a confused look when he followed right after, already stripping his shirt off the second he got into their bedroom. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Playing lifeguard." Henry taunted, shooting her a shit eating grin.

"Is that a polite way of saying jacking off while I'm showering?"

"Well you could always lend me a hand." Henry offered, already working on his belt.

"We only have an hour before the sitter gets here!"

"That forty five minutes more than I need." Henry growled, shoving the rest of his clothing down his legs, kicking them off, and snatching her up.

Faye felt the need to point out that his estimation of fifteen minutes had been a bit lean. It was almost half an hour before they reemerged from the bathroom. Henry tried to argue that they spent some of the time actually bathing, though he knew it was a pointless debate. All it took was Henry taking her dress from the closet, still in it's protective bag and laying it on the bed for her to drop the subject entirely.

"It's so pretty!" Faye sighed as she unzipped the bag, running her hands over the soft fabric. It was a soft grey dress, the skirt made of tulle and a structured corset like top to it. Henry had insisted she go with the grey after she'd tried on numerous other colorful options. All the color suited her bright personality, but clashed with her already brightly colored hair, and took away from the shimmer in her smile and the wide innocence she held in her eyes. In the grey, she shined. She was the center of attention instead of what she was wearing. It enhanced all of her wonderful qualities instead of competing with them. Henry had no doubt she would be the one on everyone's minds tonight.

Most of the drive there was spent with Henry trying to coach Faye on what to do. He knew how terrifying everything could be, and he knew people would have a lot of questions, mostly about who she was. He instructed her to just keep her eyes on him to avoid being overwhelmed by the crowd and the flashing cameras. He didn't expect her to talk to anyone, and advised against saying anything to anyone that was recording or looked like any type of journalist, especially without him there. He knew they tended to twist words and make mountains out of molehills, and he didn't want any more stress on her than necessary.

None of it felt real until the driver finally came to a halt, Faye spying the waiting crowd for the first time. Sure, she had been expecting some people. It was the season two premiere of a Netflix hit show. She just didn't know it would be this many. She wasn't a fan of crowds at the best of times. Now, she was debating on just having the driver take her back home.

"Eyes on me." Henry reminded her, smiling brightly when her brown doe eyes met his blue gaze. "None of that matters, it's just us." He assured, taking a slow deep breath which Faye mirrored before his door was opened and he stepped out, shooting a charming smile at the crowd as he buttoned his suit coat, the flashes of the cameras temporarily blinding him.

He turned back around and offered Faye his hand, seeming to relax more himself when she delicately rested her hand in his and slid from the car. Just as he expected, the cameras picked up into an absolute frenzy, everyone eager to get a picture of the mystery woman accompanying Henry Cavill at such an important event.

Brushing off their questions was easy enough for Henry, simply replying with "She's gorgeous, isn't she?" Whenever anyone asked who she was and moving along. That did nothing to quell the 'news' stories that popped up later that night and into the next day, all calling for who this mystery woman was and what her relationship to Henry was, however.

He had happened upon it by chance, just scrolling through his newsfeed on Facebook. It wasn't the title that caught his attention, however. It was the picture of her face, that bright smile he'd only seen in old pictures and those same wide eyes, now locked on someone else like he was the only man in the world. She thought she could just move on like that? Didn't that idiot know she was used goods? Nothing but a whore that would try to trap him into something for the rest of his life.

"That bitch!" He hissed, feeling his blood boil. Did she really think she could get away with embarrassing him like this? Going around and flaunting what being a whore could do for someone? No, he wasn't going to allow it. She was his, and it was time she stopped all of her nonsense and came back.

Taglist: @Xxxkatxo @Weallhaveadestiny @lunedelorient @summersong69 @mis-lil-red @lharrietg @amberangel112 @mansaaay

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #guys like you #guys like you fic

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chrispaulcolfer · 3 years

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thoughts on hummelberry? i hate them and i feel that kurt was never more ruined as a character than when he was with her.

It's funny you should ask, dear non. I just got into a heated rant with my spouse about hummelberry today. Mostly my spouse listening to me rant, because of the recent scene I reblogged? Yes, the one in season 4 where Kurt puts Rachel in her place by popping her inflated ego.

Let's preface this by saying that hummelberry does have good moments - Rachel coming to Kurt's defense to get their football boyfriends to stand up to Karofsky in season 2, the speech she gives in Swan Song, and then the one she gives in season 5's "A Katy or a Gaga". There are times where she steps up to the plate and is a good friend to him for a change. And of course they're cute when they break onto the Wicked stage in season 2, the Christmas elf outfits in season 5, the excitement over being in Vogue and then going to that showcase with Santana in season 4. There is potential! But they missed the mark by making Rachel awful when it comes to Kurt. "Best Gay" for example? Shut up and go sit down.

I loathe this friendship. I hate it so damn much. The writers could've made it into a great friendship if they put time and energy into character development instead of needing Kurt to seem relevant in season 3 by attaching him to Rachel's side the entire time out of NO WHERE. Oh wow, two people into Broadway? They totes need to be bff's now for that reason alone haha. Give me a break.

Let's see - in season 2 when Kurt tells them all he's leaving for Dalton, Rachel's more concerned about him being competition then the actual problem of why he's leaving. Then she goes for Blaine after knowing Kurt's feelings about him, but lol who cares because she may get a boyfriend who will keep up with her vocally. Kurt needs some humble pie, because she gets what she wants in the end always, haha.

In season 3, she laughs at him after he chooses her to be his Juliet because him playing anyone masculine is hilarious. Also in season 3 she runs against him for student president, then ruins his winning by cheating - he said he was going to cheat himself, why would she add onto that and make it even more obvious? Oh right, guilty conscious. After Kurt gets his NYADA letter, she makes it about herself by ruining his excitement. When Kurt is against her marrying Finn so young, she tells him that he's just jealous (remember at the time gay couples marrying in Ohio wasn't an option - so yes, he's totally jealous that he can't just marry someone for the hell of it). Then the bullshit of him not getting into NYADA after giving a kick ass performance but she does after harassing Carmen for WEEKS. How the fuck would Kurt consider that fair?! Oh, right, he's always the bigger person who is just happy she gets to go live her dream. Duh. OH and remember when Rachel mentions wanting to see Kurt in a bridesmaid dress???? 😌 get fucked.

Then we hit season 4, and her ditching Kurt for two fake friends who become her echo chamber. These new friends badmouth Kurt and she can only timidly disagree with them but then gets hyped on them hyping her up - and then they ditch her at midnight madness, KARMA OR WHAT?! Speaking of, she went out on a limb and told Kurt that he only got into NYADA because Carmen knew he was friends with her. Not his talent. Not his moving performance on the spot. No, he's clearly not in her league and he should be honored to be bff's with her because that comes with perks, lol. Then when he beats her fair and square, it's a damn narcissistic pity party all over again (oh woe am I, I didn't win, I'm just not gonna be an actress and perform anymore because I suck. Pity me). Not to mention that she asked Brody to move in WITHOUT consulting Kurt at all, which lead to unwanted flashing that Kurt did NOT consent to. (Also how is it that Kurt gets a tiny promotion only because he pulled Rachel into it? Why couldn't he have done that for himself? Why does his success lead back to her this season? Fuck you glee.)

Season 5, she manipulates and gaslights the situation regarding her and Santana's feud by calling Kurt a traitor, "replacing her best gay" with Elliott, and basically stating THEY (Kurt AND Santana) kicked her out when she made that decision on her own. She then ignores Kurt telling her NOT to go to LA and does it anyway because she's so bored of Broadway now apparently. Then Chris' episode of only showing up to Kurt's Peter Pan gig because he called her out on being a shitty friend. If Kurt hadn't done that, she wouldn't have been there (Santana might not have been either, lbr). ALSO THE FUCKING BASH EPISODE?! Again, she only feels bad because Kurt almost DIES and then it's "bff's forever".

Season 6, I didn't pay much attention to. But I do know that while Santana was going off on him with that "rant", Rachel just stood there making faces. Faces that suggested that she agreed with a few of the awful things Santana was saying. And then she got upset when Kurt offered Jane & Mason advice that was actual good TEACHER advice to do better which boy Jane and Mason took to heart and bettered their performance. I do know that Kurt got shit on a lot in this season as well, even Mercedes had to come back to kiss poor whittle Rachel's ass and downplay Kurt's contribution. Like what the fuck is that about. Plot wise season 6 is trash anyway, so, no shock in reality.

I have a theory that has decided majority of those who enjoy hummelberry only want to be in a threesome between Colfer and Lea and that's it. Because they're both pretty people (Rachel in season 4? Hell yes, please more of that to look at, thanks). The fundamentals of this friendship is messed up, and I consider it toxic and emotionally/mentally abusive. There's no growth between them. It's just Kurt being the better and bigger person, while Rachel continues being self-involved until Kurt snaps then it's suddenly 'oh I can't lose him quick gaslight maneuver'. Even when there's consequences, she makes up for it by the end of an episode, but then is back to her usual ways by the next one and onward.

#anti hummelberry #anti rachel berry #answered #long post

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kexing · 4 years

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Venji has always been endgame: Benji’s attraction to Victor

the first thing I really need people to understand is that Benji is not watching the show, he’s not seeing things through Victor’s point of view, and for the most part of the season he has no idea Victor is struggling with his sexuality. from Benji’s point of view, Victor is straight and into Mia. that’s how I’m going to be analyzing his thoughts and actions (well, guessing mostly because he does lack screen time and insight moments. hopefully we’ll get more of him in season two!!)

btw I’m gonna break it down episode by episode because I’m insane (and I also feel strangely connected to Benji so don’t @ me)

Episode 1 - Welcome to Creekwood

as I’ve mentioned before, you can interpret Benji’s “nice shoes!” line as interest. but even if you’re not willing to do that, I still think it’s valid to consider that he might’ve felt some kind of immediate connection to Victor (if episodes 2 and 3 are any indication of that. and the Call Me Maybe lyrics).

Episode 2 - Stoplight Party

the “Benji attempts to teach Victor how to make a espresso” scene is very much about Victor’s attraction to Benji so I don’t wanna look too much into it. also Benji comes off as (at least for me!) a very attentive and loving person, so his dedication to teaching Victor felt very genuine. but still like...... he did get lost in Victor’s eyes for a moment before the milk spilled akdjksdjjs

then at the end of the episode Benji calls Victor late at night (he even apologizes for that) when he could’ve called Victor at any other time or could’ve just told him at school. and well, (I may be reaching here but headcanons are always good!!) I like to believe Benji couldn’t stop thinking about Victor, which is why he decided to call. for some unknown reason he already feels connected to Victor and wanted to hear his voice and—

let me stop here before I write a whole fanfic because that’s not the purpose of this post.

Episode 3 - Battle of the Bands

oh boy, I’m gonna try to unpack this episode, hopefully I’ll make some sense. I’m very sorry if I fail!

so, Victor and Benji have the Call Me Maybe (cutest) moment, in which Victor tells Benji that he’s going on a date with Mia the next day.

Now. I need you to remember that Victor explicitly told Benji that he and Mia wouldn’t go to the Battle of the Bands and that Benji had already performed when Victor got there and only performed again because his band won the battle (so I’m pretty sure Victor wasn’t supposed to hear the Call Me Maybe cover). therefore this wasn’t Benji confessing his feelings to Victor. if anything, I believe it was his way of dealing with the intense and ever-growing feelings that he has for Victor through his biggest passion (music), pretty much like making a reference to something that you know no one else will understand (since for everyone else it’s just a Carly Rae Jepsen bop).

but then Victor eventually shows up and hears Benji singing Call Me Maybe and for him it’s definitely not just a Carly Rae Jepsen bop anymore. it’s their song

after the performance, it looks like Benji is going to talk to him about it, maybe to try and make it seem like it’s no big deal (since he thinks Victor is into Mia, and he himself is in a long term relationship) but Derek appears and we’re all left heartbroken (Simon & his friends included).

what I’m trying to say is: they are two halves of the same idiot. while Victor is in denial of his sexuality and attraction to Benji, Benji is in denial of his growing feelings for Victor. we love this denial duo

Episode 4 - The Truth Hurts

not much to say about this one BUT. at the beginning of the episode you can see how Victor and Benji are working totally in sync, to the point where they barely need words like the freaking soulmates that they are. honestly, I’m done pretending they aren’t soulmates because this show just kept shoving that into our faces over and over and if you failed to see it then it’s not my problem (or maybe it is since I’m literally spending my time trying to explain exactly that. but I just care too much about these two and I want people to understand why).

then Derek calls and Benji picks up lovingly because he’s a loving person and a caring boyfriend and even though he might be struggling with his feelings for Victor, he’s not about to neglect his boyfriend (shame we can’t say the same thing about Derek) (no I will not stop throwing shade at him).

Episode 5 - Sweet Sixteen

I could try and say several things about this one but for real, BENJI DREW VICTOR AND GAVE HIM THE DRAWING AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT. like! this stupidly artistic boy!!!!!!!!! this stupidly caring boy!!!!!!!!! he could’ve bought Victor literally anything or not even bothered to think of a gift At All, but he took the time to DRAW VICTOR LIKE ONE OF HIS FRENCH BOYS!!!!! what am I supposed to do with this knowledge!!!!

now I’m imagining Benji observing Victor. the way the light hits his face, how his shoulders move, the shape of his hands....... all the while telling himself it’s just to draw Victor!!!!! but that’s still beautiful and frankly thirsty nonetheless.

p.s I was robbed of a scene like that.

Episode 6 - Creekwood Nights

not much to say about this one except the show blatantly telling us that Derek can be real shitty sometimes. also, I wanna talk about Venji’s dynamics throughout the show so bad but it deserves a post of its own so I’m gonna hold my tongue.

Episode 7 - What Happens In Willacoochee

(stays in Willacoochee or maybe it will haunt your gay ass all the way to New York).

oh boy, this is where shit starts going down for real.

so Victor kisses Benji. I’m not going to defend Victor because what he did was reckless and dumb and frankly disrespectful. but I need to say that it was going to happen sooner or later because when you repress something too hard and for too long, it’s bound to come back with full force and explode in your face. I really wish it was in a different circumstance, of course, but also life isn’t always made of perfect situations and shit happens. (and nope, that does not excuse Victor’s actions).

now think about Benji. he’s been struggling with his feelings for Victor, who as far as he knows is straight and in a relationship, and then suddenly Victor kisses him. my best guess (due to his reaction to Victor’s speech in episode 10) is that he thinks Victor isn’t being serious about it, that in no moment that kiss meant anything but curiosity and recklessness, when they both have people to lose (again, he doesn’t know that Victor struggles with his sexuality, much less that Victor has feelings for him).

so yeah, I believe Benji was upset, not only with Victor though, but with himself.

(I’ll come back to this in a second)

no Benji in episode 8 so.......

Episode 9 - Who The Hell Is B

Benji decides to leave the coffee shop. Victor tells him that the kiss wasn’t his fault and Benji says that being around Victor makes him feel guilty, now why is that?

firstly because he’s not a psychopath and the fact that he cheated on Derek makes him feel guilty. but I do believe that that’s not the only thing that makes him feel guilty. deep down he liked kissing Victor. he likes Victor, he’s been doing his best to keep that buried but Victor had to go and complicate things, so now the only way to avoid making a bigger mess is staying as far away as possible from each other. so he runs back to the safety of his relationship with Derek.

(listen, I know the show makes it seem like Benji is super angry and wants nothing to do with Victor but I don’t believe that’s the case. he’s upset and feeling guilty for liking someone else, denial does make you act very hostile sometimes).

Episode 10 - Spring Fling

Benji’s denial continues but (thankfully) it won’t last much longer.

he goes to the bathroom and tells Victor that he’s read his letter and that he does forgive him for kissing him but that that doesn’t change anything, that it’s best for them to stay away from each other.

that’s until he hears Victor’s speech to Derek (which was more to Benji than Derek so). that’s the moment he realizes that Victor actually likes him, that the kiss as cursed as it was had meant something, that they both feel exactly the same thing. that’s what gives him courage to finally accept that he can’t be with Derek anymore because his heart belongs to someone else. (has belonged to Victor from the moment they met) akdjskdjsj someone please tell me to shut up

which leads us to the bench kiss(es) scene. now, these boys are a whole mess because Victor was still technically dating Mia (he did try to come out to her before, couldn’t do it so he decided to come out after the Spring Fling) (good intention, poor execution).

But I also believe this was just lazy writing and they wanted to have a scene where Mia catches Victor and Benji together. it could’ve been done better, they could’ve been just touching foreheads or something but they wanted the full drama so the kiss(es) happened. I’m taking 50 points away from the writers for this. (also does not excuse Victor or Benji since they literally met halfway. these idiots are so in love wtf!)

(I still love them though, and hope they do better in the future, for themselves and for each other).

anyway, I think that’s it! if you read up until this point: thank you so much!!!! I tried my best to understand and explain Benji since the show said fuck Benji stans. hope this helps!

— love, MJ

#lost all my brain cells writing this #love victor #venji #victor x benji #victor salazar #benji campbell #mj talks

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spaceorphan18 · 3 years

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Karofsky - Blaine - Kurt.

Kurt - he was previously bullied , sexually assaulted and harassed by him - the whole Dave/Kurt thing was creepy. He’s not a pleasant dude. Ok he had his issues, and we see him try suicide - do we ever see him after that until we see him with Blaine? So for the love of Kurt’s life to then have any sort of relationship/sexual relationship with Karofsky is really just offensive to Kurt - you wouldn’t see it happening irl. I wouldnt think??? So the writers knew making this a plot was just basically kicking Kurt in the balls again, and i find that offensive??

Blaine - well he hated Karofsky in season 2 - he actually pushed him and probably would have punched him. I don’t know what he thought about him after that, but would he really have had any respect or good feelings for him? Ok season 6, he was depressed and lonely and met Dave - but would he really have started a relationship with him? Again it’s just the writers trying to kick Blaine’s character in the balls - up to then a fairly inoffensive, sensitive , well liked guy? (let’s ignore the cheating for now). Also Blaine is supposed to be a reasonably intelligent guy, and wouldn’t have a problem getting any other guy. So the way they made Blaine date him us just offensive to him.

Even if Karofsky had learnt the error of his ways, I don’t think that he could be so drastically different and there’s no way I could see Blaine having a relationship with him?

Ive probably raised a lot of things for you to comment on here, hope that is ok.

Yes, absolutely okay! I wanted you to elaborate so I would know where you were coming from, Nonny! :)

So, I’m going to throw a couple of things out there.

1. You have every right to feel the way that you do - and nothing I’m about to say is in anyway trying to change your mind. I’m just laying out my own opinions on the matter - cool?

2. I’m guessing that it’s actually - you - who are offended by it. And that’s totally fair! We all bring our own experiences to the table, and sometimes plot lines are just going to sting us in the wrong way, and it’s not an easy thing just to ‘get over’ for sake of the writers moving the plot in a strange direction. I feel ya, hon, I do!

But I don’t necessarily agree that it’s offensive to Kurt or Blaine. Though, I do believe it was a choice out of convenience more so than anything else for the writers.

So, back when Season 2 was on, I hated Karofsky. HATED him. Like, when Sue Sylvester Shuffle aired, I said if Karofsky joined glee club, I wouldn’t continue watching the show. He was indicative of people I knew in real life who tormented someone I cared for, and encountering that in fiction -- that does stick with you. It really does. When I first heard about the season 6 spoilers, it kind of made me sick to even think about it.

But, you know, I’ve had a long, long time to process it. I’ve studied it and analyzed it on what I would call an academic level. And while I think there are definite flaws in the narrative (mostly the gaping holes in Karofsky’s story to make it all plausible) I’m really rather fine with the whole thing now.

A while back, someone asked me why Blaine would date Karofsky, and I have a rather lengthy answer to that here : Blaine and Karofsky Meta : which I do hope you check out. I think it goes over a lot of the points as to why and how we got the narrative that we did.

The tl;dr version is this ---

A) Kurt forgave Karofsky thru seasons 2 and 3; and once he was no longer scared of Karofsky, he no longer hand any power over him. But also -- if you notice in season 6, Kurt really does not give a flying fuck about Karofsky at all, and in fact, he finds the idea of Sebastian much more nauseating. Kurt running off and crying in LLM is more because he fucked up his chance with Blaine, not that Blaine was dating Karofsky. And mostly, Kurt doesn’t even really acknowledge Karofsky during season 6 -- he mostly focuses on himself, and is helpful to Blaine when Blaine needs a friend.

As for the whole ‘kick Kurt in the balls thing’ (my god, I hear this phrase from you guys all the time, and I’ll be honest, I side-eye it a little) from the writers -- out of all the times I do think Kurt got short-shafted, I don’t think this is one of them. I think Kurt realizing that he fucked up his relationship was actually a growing point for the character, and a way for him to learn that maybe he should be more understanding and less of a shitty boyfriend; as well as learning that grown up relationships are hard.

You guys should know by now that I adore Kurt, and the sun doesn’t rise and set for RIB for me, but characters need conflicts, and they need instances that they need to grow. And I think season 6 gave Kurt a fantastic, and yes heart wrenching, story on how hard it can be going from a kid to an adult.

[This is also the aside where I ask -- what did you guys really, ultimately want? Because a character who is served everything ends up like Rachel Berry, and that’s not fun for anyone. Kurt did get his moments of praise, and his moments of triumph, and they are in small ways, but Kurt Hummel won guys, he really did.]

B) The Blaine part of this is super complex, which is why I, again, urge you to read the original meta post on why Blaine dates Karofsky. But let’s boil it down to this -- Blaine didn’t have the same relationship with Karofsky as Kurt did. Sure, there was some aggression, but ultimately Blaine’s main drive was to protect Kurt, it could have been anyone who was bothering him. By the time five years pass (and yes between 16 and 21 a lot changes) Blaine is a different person. Karofsky’s a different person. Blaine doesn’t owe Kurt anything, and in a very weird and twisted way, this is Blaine’s way of not only healing his heart, but still remaining close to Kurt.

Believe it or not -- this isn’t the writers kicking Blaine in the balls either, this is the writers’ way of letting Blaine heal and move on with his life post breakup. Blaine’s actually in a pretty good place when we open in season 6, and part of that, shockingly, has to do with having a relatively healthy (rebound) relationship with Karofsky. I know, crazy, right??

C) If anyone should feel offended, it’s Karofsky --- his story is the one that is ultimately short changed by the writers, as we did not get to see how he grew between On My Way and the opening of season 6. But, between Born This Way through On My Way, there is a redemption arc for Karofsky, and after the suicide attempt, he’s already on his way to trying to become a better person. We don’t really get to see what else he goes through, though, and his part in season 6 is really just there as a prop for the Klaine story. And I think it’s pretty evident during season 6 that he’s pretty much a harmless goof as an adult.

Does that excuse his prior behavior? No, it does not. If Kurt still felt uncomfortable around him -- that would be totally fair, but nothing in the narrative suggests that he does. That said, I do believe people are allowed to grow and change and learn from their mistakes. And that was what the writers were going for.

Like I said, you don’t have to feel the same way I do; if Karofsky still emotionally upsets you, that is completely valid and I’m not trying to persuade you otherwise. But just sharing my own opinions as to why I don’t agree.

<3 <3

#that's how s.o. sees it #Anonymous

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alloftheimagines · 4 years

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billy hargrove | heaven-sent | part six

masterlist | series | part five

words: 2k+

warnings: mentions of death, abuse, fighting, swearing, drinking, aggression, non-consensual kiss

disclaimer: i in no way support the actions of billy. i just find his character interesting and want to explore it more with my oc. takes place from season 2. OC is hopper’s daughter.

summary: she’s an angel. he may as well be the devil. one would not exist without the other.

The gentle hum of the engine is peaceful as the Camaro cruises through Hawkins. Billy doesn’t try to cover it with his music the way he usually would. After the night he’s had, he’s grateful for the quiet. He’s unable to forget the way his father’s fist collided with his face earlier, his cheek still throbbing painfully. His jaw aches, too, and he realises he’s been clenching it for hours. He relaxes it now as best he can, his attention drawn away from it entirely when they pass a bunch of wilted flowers placed randomly on the side of the road. There are unlit candles, too, the wax melted into the concrete.

“Someone die there or somethin’?” he asks without thinking.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Frances flinch and regrets asking. “Yeah. Her name was Barb.”

“Did you know her?” He glances at her, but she isn’t looking at him, her head turned away as she gazes out of the window.

“She was my best friend.”

Jesus. I’m—” He sucks in a breath, his grip tightening on the steering wheel sub-consciously. Sorry, he wants to say, but somehow the word doesn’t do it justice. “What happened to her?”

“She was killed.” She tucks a strand of brown hair behind her ear, her eyes hardening as she turns them back on the road ahead. She still won’t look at him.

“Shit,” he whispers. “Did they catch ‘em?”

“No.” She shakes her head, her voice cracking. Her chest is heaving as though she’s suppressing a sob or is struggling to breathe. He shuffles in his seat, unsure what to do or say. He doesn’t need to force anything out: she continues before the right words come. “I should have been there that night. She begged and begged for me to come to this stupid party with her at Steve Harrington’s house. Nancy was forcing her. She wasn’t really part of that crowd and she didn’t wanna be alone, always said it was easier for her when I was there. She died alone.”

“It’s not your fault,” Billy replies softly. It’s easier for him to be soft in the dark; easier to allow himself to sound as though he gives a damn. “You couldn’t have known.”

“But I did,” she hits back, looking at him now. Her eyes are shiny with tears, her hands clinging to her camera desperately. “I had this awful feeling in my chest, like I couldn’t breathe, all fucking night—only I thought it was because Jonathan’s brother was missing. I was so busy looking for him with my dad that I wasn’t there for Barb. Now she’s gone. And I knew.”

Her face is illuminated in the pale headlights passing on the other side of the road, and for a moment her eyes seem to flicker, blaze, change. Her irises, once a green that reminded Billy of the Californian sea on a rare, grey day, are now golden. He does a double take, almost swerving the car in the process, but when he looks again they look as they always did: murky ocean eyes half-hiding behind dark lashes and unruly bangs.

“Shit,” he curses, forcing his eyes back on the road. “Your eyes.”

She frowns, paling and pulling down the overhead mirror with enough force that Billy is worried she might break his damn car. “What?”

“Nothin’, I—” he stutters, blinking and looking at her again. Had he imagined it? Was it the light off the other car? “I thought you had something in your eye. It was nothin’.”

He pulls into the clearing where the trailer stands, lonely and grey against the black lake. The tyres roll against the gravel unevenly, the engine cutting out and replaced with silence.

“Your dad home?” he asks, just as he had the previous night. The trailer’s windows are dark, the house empty and solitary where it stands. He can’t imagine calling this place a home, even with his own circumstances.

“No,” she replies, unfastening her seat-belt slowly. “You wanna come in for a while? I could use that drink, now.”

He nods, a small smile playing on his lips as he takes the keys out of the ignition and grabs the bottle of whisky from beside him. “Sure. Why not?”

* * *

The trailer isn’t as small as it looks from the outside. It’s cosy, earthy, and he can imagine Frances pottering about on it on a Saturday, drinking coffee with the patterned curtains closed to block out the low winter sun. Still, he can’t imagine sleeping in this thing alone. They’re basically in the middle of nowhere. He can’t even smell cow shit out here, and the lake is eerily still even in the wind.

“Your dad work a lot?” He places the whiskey on the kitchen counter and she pulls out two glasses from the oak cupboards, standing on her tip-toes and arching her back to reach.

“Yeah. I’m used to it now.”

“You don’t get scared out here alone?” he teases, leaning against the counter.

She pours the whiskey carefully and slides his tumbler towards him, taking a sip of her own. If the burn fazes her, she doesn’t show it. “I’m always scared. Doesn’t make a difference if I’m out here or in the middle of town.”

“Because of Barb?”

She shrugs. Her cheeks are flushed from the short walk between the car and the trailer, making the small cut on her cheek appear redder than it did before. “Because of a lot of things. You need ice for that bruise?”

He had forgotten about it for the first time tonight. He touches it now as if to remind himself, trying to hide his wince as he realises how tender it is. “I’m good,” he says despite himself.

She rolls her eyes, kneeling down to rifle through the freezer. When she comes up, she’s holding frozen peas. She chucks them at him, and he catches reluctantly, pressing them gently to his face. “Thanks.”

“So, where did you move from?” she questions, leading him to the couch and sitting down, whiskey in hand. He follows, sitting beside her, perhaps a little closer than he had meant to. He doesn’t make an effort to budge down.

“California.”

“Yeah?” Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “That’s a little different than Hawkins. What was it like?”

“It was …,” he sighs, unable to find the right words. Nobody had asked him that yet, really. Nobody in Hawkins cared about Billy’s old life. Sometimes, it no longer feels as though it exists at all. “It was home. I basically lived on the beach. Had bonfires most nights, spent my days out in the sun. There was always something happening, too. Carnivals, fairs, gigs. You’d love it. You'd get some amazing photographs.”

“Yeah,” she smiles, hanging on his every word. He can’t help but look at her again, at her eyes that he’d been sure had changed. They were still green, still the closest he could get to his favourite place. “I bet. You must miss it like crazy.”

“More than anything,” he admits, sipping his drink to distract himself from the sudden attention. “What about you, you lived here your whole life?”

“Actually, I lived in New York for a while when I was a kid. My mom still lives there with her new husband.”

“Did you like it?”

She shakes her head, leaning back into the couch as her eyes glaze over for a moment, remembering. “I did. Now, it just reminds me of things I’d rather forget.”

“Like?”

“I think I’ve told you enough of my little sob story tonight,” she laughs, but Billy can tell it isn’t genuine. He can’t help but wonder if they’re more alike than he thought, looking at the cut on her cheek again. Did the chief do that? He seems to walk around town in an eternally foul mood: it wouldn’t necessarily surprise him if he took it out on her.

He finds himself inching closer to her, so close that their foreheads are almost touching. “I like talking to you. You’re the only person in this shitty town I can stand to be around, even if you are all gloom and doom.”

“Gee, thanks.” Sarcasm drips from her words without conviction. He can hear her breath coming out quicker as he looks down at her soft, pink lips longingly. She doesn’t close the distance, so he takes it upon himself.

Their lips press together for only a moment before her hands are on his stomach, pushing him away. She stands up, crossing her arms over her chest as though she’s naked rather than fully clothed with layers of knitwear. Her face is bright red, her eyes blazing. “What the fuck, Billy?”

“What?” he replies cluelessly, raking his hand through his hair and pretending as though his cheeks aren’t heating up in embarrassment. He can’t remember the last time he was rejected.

“What?” Frances repeats in disbelief. “God, what was this? Were you just trying to get into my pants the entire fucking time? Driving me home, getting back my camera, listening to me when I talk about my dead friend and my cheating boyfriend because I’m a fucking idiot who thought that maybe you weren’t so bad, that maybe you actually gave a shit?”

He’s speechless, licking his dry lips as he tries to figure out what to say. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“Why would I ever want that? I just ended a two-year relationship with my best fucking friend.”

“And I’m great at rebound sex,” he answers as though it’s obvious. He can feel anger beginning to bubble in him, not because he’s mad at her words, but because she’s yelling—and he still doesn’t know why. “Why else am I hear, Fran? You wanna talk about feelings all night while you braid my damn hair? Cuddle by the fuckin’ fire with a mug of hot cocoa, marshmallows on top? You’re not stupid. You know I’m not that guy.”

Tears are pricking her eyes again, and this time she doesn’t blink them back. He’s not sure she even knows she’s crying in her own, blind rage. “So all of this was just for sex? All of it?”

Billy softens at the sadness in her voice, his elbows digging painfully into his thighs as he puts his head in his hands and takes a breath. “No, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t plan all this just to screw you. I just … When you invited me in, I thought—”

“Thought you’d shoot your shot,” she finished bitterly. “Of course you did; of course opening my door to you automatically meant opening my legs, too. You’re a fucking asshole, Billy. I don’t know why I let you in. I don’t know why I let any of this happen. Just get out.”

“Fran—” he says desperately, standing up from the couch and walking around the coffee table to meet her.

“Get out, Billy!” Frances shouts. “Get the fuck out!”

She pushes him backwards with more force than he’d been expecting, sending him flying straight into the door. It falls open against his weight, and he falls with it, landing on the porch. His defeated, shocked body is illuminated by the white porch light.

Frances stands in the doorway, speechless. Clearly, she had been expecting this as much as he had.

“Jesus!” he yells when he’s able to find the words. It hurts him, being treated this way. He could take it from his father, his friends, the shitheads he beats up at school and parties, but he hadn’t been expecting her to touch him like that—and it’s clear she hadn’t meant to by the way she looks at him as though he’s broken, as though she’s broken him, though she can’t know what this means to him. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re a crazy bitch, you know that?”

“Fuck you,” she whispers weakly as he pulls himself up, using the fence as support. “Leave me alone, Hargrove.”

“Gladly,” he responds, his upper lip curling in contempt. His hands are balled into fists as he marches away, barely sparing her a glance as he slams the door of the Camaro shut after sliding into the driver’s seat. His tyres struggle against the gravel, spitting out dust and dirt as he speeds away, watching her retreating figure standing in the threshold of the trailer in the rear-view mirror.

part seven

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robinskey · 5 years

Text

Wheels (Steve x Wheeler! Reader)

Request: hiiiii! could you make steve x fem! reader where she is nancy’s middle sister and steve has a crush on her but she thinks she is just a rebound because of nancy !! thx!!

A/N: Sorry this took so long, anon! I struggled with the best way to go about this story for a while. But I really like the direction it ended up taking. Hopefully, you do, too! Thanks for requesting!

Warnings: Season 2 Spoilers, I guess. Oh, and a bit of swearing.

Steve Harrington, the school heartthrob is in love with your sister long after she dumps him. You always catch him staring at her while the two of you are walking through the halls. At the Snow Ball, while helping Nancy serve punch to middle schoolers, you swear you see his car lingering outside the window. You try to get Nancy’s attention, but by the time she turns around, his car’s gone. After that, you decide that Steve is probably a creepy stalker who will never give up on your sister, even though she’s with someone else now. You may be younger than Nancy, but you’re still fiercely protective over her.

Christmas break comes a few weeks later. You spend most of the break lounging around in your living room. In the corner of the room, a lonely fake evergreen stands tall. Since Nancy and Mike helped you remove all the ornaments the day after Christmas, the tree is completely bare, except for a few straggling strands of garland. Your mother has been nagging your father to take it down for the past week. He always says he’s too tired and that he’ll do it tomorrow.

You’re home alone. It’s a rare occasion in your typically-chaotic household, so you’re savoring it. There’s a steaming mug of hot chocolate in your lap and a cheesy romance novel in your hands. Unlike your cold-resistant family, you have no inclination to go out in the bitter cold.

And then the dang doorbell has to ding.

You grunt as you drag yourself off the sofa and over to the front door. Standing on your tiptoes, you can see through the peephole. You stifle a groan as you recognize your guest. The concave glass distorts his features, but you can make him out just the same. He holds something in his hands-something that looks suspiciously similar to a bouquet of white roses.

How do you even get flowers in the middle of winter?

As much as you want to ignore the visitor and pretend no one’s home, you know you probably shouldn’t. If you do, he’ll probably just be back tomorrow. And as frustrating as Nancy can be, she shouldn’t have to deal with him.

You crack open the door.

Steve Harrington stands on your porch. Snowflakes fall around him, and the white flecks speckle his dark hair. He’s wearing a navy windbreaker that’s simply inappropriate for this type of weather.

What an idiot. Not only is he incapable of understanding that your sister is over him, but he can’t even dress himself properly.

“Nancy’s not here,” you say bluntly, already letting the door slam shut, “and she’s not interested, anyway.”

You head back towards the couch and have just plopped down on it when the doorbell rings again.

“Go sell your Girl Scout cookies to someone else, dipshit!” you yell.

Ding-dong.

“Oh, my god,” you huff, stomping over to the door again.

When you fling it open, Steve has one fist raised, like he’s preparing to knock. Steve towers over you, but that’s the least intimidating thing about him. The only thing that scares you about him is the sheepish smile on his face. For a moment, you wonder if he’s drunk or something. Why is he grinning at you like that? And why does it make your heart skip a beat?

You gesture at the flowers in his grasp.

“Nancy doesn’t even like roses, you know,” you say, smirking as his cheerful expression morphs into a frown. “What? You didn’t know that? Wow, you must have been a pretty shitty boyfriend-oh, wait! You were.”

Steve swallows. Clearly, whenever he pictured this interaction happening, it wasn’t like this. Of course, you’re surprised, too, when he agrees with you.

“Yeah, I was,” he says. “I was the worst, honestly. And as much as it hurt initially, I’m...I’m actually glad she’s with Jonathan now. He treats her a lot better than I ever did.”

“Right,” you say, eyeing him suspiciously. “You’re happy for her. And those-” you point to his bouquet “-those are what, exactly? ‘Congratulations-on-the-upgrade’ roses?”

“They’re not for Nancy,” Steve blurts out. His voice softens as he says, “They’re for you. I was wondering if, maybe, you’d like to go on a date sometime?”

“Me?” you ask.

Before you can stop yourself, you start to reach for the stems. But then another burst of cold air rolls over the porch. The sharp sting smacks your bare face, jerking you back into reality. Steve and your sister dated for the better part of a year, and they’d been broken up for a little over two months. He didn’t want you; he just wanted someone.

“Well, thanks for the offer, but I’m not interested in being your rebound,” you say.

“It’s not like that. I really like you, Y/N.”

“Yeah, well, I really like my sister, and I’m not about to hurt her by hooking up with her ex,” you say, releasing the door. It slams shut on Steve and his huge, stupid, brown puppy-dog eyes.

There’s silence for a moment, and you wonder if he’s finally walked away.

“Nancy knows I’m here,” he calls through the door. “She gave me permission to ask you out, as long as I treat ‘Baby Wheels’ right.”

You can’t help yourself. You’re back in the doorway in a second.

“How did you know she used to call me that?” you demand.

It was a stupid nickname from your childhood, when you used to tell people your last name was “Wheels” because you couldn’t pronounce the “r” in “Wheeler.” For a while, Nancy referred to you almost exclusively as ‘Baby Wheels’. However, after you cut off one of her ponytails as revenge for embarrassing you at a middle school dance, she started using the nickname more sporadically.

“I told you! I talked to Nancy,” he says, wrapping his arms around himself. His lips are starting to turn the color of his jacket. “Jonathan was there, too, actually. He said my ass was grass if I ever hurt you, and after the first time he beat the shit out of me, I’ve learned to take that threat seriously.”

“You’re...not joking? You seriously talked to them?”

“Yeah,” he says, the sheepish smile returning. “Like I said, I really, really like you, Y/N. The way I feel about you is different than how I’ve felt about anyone else-including Nancy. I’m well aware that you may never see me as anything other than the douche who hurt your sister, but everything that’s happened over the last few months has made me realize how badly I need to change. I’m trying to be a better person, I just-” You stop his rambling by launching yourself onto the tops of your toes once more and giving him a peck on the lips.

Steve’s eyelids flicker shut and stay that way for a moment. When they flutter back open, his chocolate eyes are sparkling. His cheeks are already red from the cold, but they turn a darker hue after the kiss. You giggle at his dazed state.

“Can I-can we do that you again? Please?” he finally manages to stutter through his purple lips. “Maybe a little longer this time?”

You laugh again, take the flowers from his grip, and grab his now-free hand in yours.

“Maybe. Probably,” you say, using your hip to prop open the door. “But first, let’s get you inside before you freeze to death, okay?”

“Mmkay,” Steve hums.

The door slams shut for the final time that afternoon-this time, with two lovebirds on the other side.

Taglist: @novaddictx

If you want to be tagged in my writing or for a specific character in the future, send me an ask or a message! 💓

#steve harrington #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve the hair harrington #stranger things steve #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things x you #stranger things x y/n #stranger things x reader #st x reader #steve x reader #nancy wheeler #steve harrington fanfic #steve x wheeler reader #parker-potter writes

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justkimberley · 4 years

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HSMTMTS Thoughts Episode 1

Episode 2 Episode 3 Episode 4 Episode 5

Ms. Jenn watching HSM in her car is a mood

Ricky seems so excited to “start over” (oof)

She sounded neutral, that’s good right”

Ok, here’s the thing though… announcing that you love someone FOR THE FIRST TIME should be a private thing, not posted for the world to see (in my opinion).

Oof, Ricky’s face, that baby is not sure how to deal with love

“oh,”

So here’s the thing, at this point the audience doesn’t know this yet, but as I am rewatching this, I know what’s going on and Ricky at this point has no frame of reference where “love” works. He thinks that his parents are still in love (or at least he hopes), but his mom has been going away for long periods of time, he knows that their marriage isn’t doing too hot, and he is in the middle of it. Of course he couldn’t say it.

“It was a BREAK it wasn’t a break UP.” “ I’m sorry Ricky, but it’s a break UP now.”

*strong independent Nini face**sad and confused Ricky face*

Ok so like, I love Courtney and she gets better as the season goes on but the “I’m dismantling the patriarchy this year, and I’m not afraid to start with you,” was just,,, I don’t know I guess it just reminds me of the people that I went to high school/worked with that were all talk and buzzwords and no actual sustenance

The “interviews” where Nini’s like: “everything is great” and Ricky is like; “everything is terrible, love is dead” is hilarious and I love it

I love Big Red

Ugh… Miss Jenn is too much, (she might be my least favourite character I’m sorry) “triggered as a millenial” line also gross, thanks

Carlos - BABEY

Nini has some serious imposter syndrome

Carlos is NOT a HSM historian. You can’t have only seen the first movie all the way through and not seen the other ones.

BROADWAY

Mr. Mazzara, the epitome of my least favourite type of teacher

“We don’t call colleagues sweetie,” you know what? Point to you Mr. Mazzara, that is a thing we shouldn’t do. Very patronizing.

I feel like Mr. Mazarra would be more likable if he didn’t have a mustache? Weird thought but okay

“Looking this fabulous while also fighting for intersectional feminism IS my job” again, buzzwords and no sustenance

V hudge - uhhhh??? No one says that.

All the talented senior girls graduated last year” that is probably the most realistic line in the series

Yay finally good Courtney, actually showing us a little bit about who she is

EJ noticed Nini two years ago, why did he not talk to her until the summer?

I know what he does later is not good, but he does really like her and he cares about her, so at least that counts for something

Natalie! I forgot about her, I wish she had a bigger part in the rest of the show

Nini’s grandma and her moms!

Nini’s imposter syndrome returns

Ricky’s dad! He’s trying so hard to give Ricky’s mom space, and he’s stressed and obviously Ricky is aware, but at least his dad is trying to be reassuring “it’s gonna be fine bud”

Also why does nobody talk about how what Ricky’s mom is doing is kind of really shitty? Like she left her child for weeks at a time, without explaining what was going on?

“Shouldn’t he be fighting to save this?” *goes to fight to save his relationship*

“I’m actually bummed that we don’t have any competition here” - also a very realistic line but the cockiness needs to go (I’m guessing it might be a major point in his redemption. He’s definitely used to getting what he wants all the time, so it would be good to see him start to accept that that’s just not how life works)

Gina! - Sofia Wylie’s dancing, so good

Also, who is the guy with the grey/white hair? He’s one of my favourites.

Also how do they think that Gina should be Gabriella? She’s definitely more of a Sharpay, and if they want to go with a boy for Sharpay (we love Seb) then she should at least be Ryan (why not genderbend the both of them?). She should be someone who is super out there and has lots of musical numbers so she can dance and show off her talent and personality, Gabriella just isn’t that kind of character.

Also miss Jenn’s type casting is really not my thing (you look like a Taylor, you’re a Chad, etc. Should they not just choose who they want to audition for and then be put where they actually fit?)

“I dabble…” (Ashlyn, we love you) also why would Miss Darbus have a power ballad?

“This is my nightmare” *getcha head in the game on repeat *

That Armie Hammer comment is creepy, Miss Jenn

Once again, Gina is too much of a powershow for Gabriella. She’s not showing the vulnerability

Also a look into Gina’s home life that I forgot about. “If you’re not the best don’t do anything at all,” Yikes, total stage mom living vicariously through her daughter? Maybe?

That british accent thing is very strange and also never addressed again (so far) whyy? Why did they do it?? Does anyone in real life actually do this?

“That is why I love you” - *wide eyed flashback* also EJ, its been like one month, slow down tiger

“That’s a really big thing to post online” my thoughts too, Ricky

Okay so here’s my thoughts about Ricky calling the break. His mom has been away for a long time (because of the whole divorce thing) so in his mind, being far away from each other means that the love thing will kind of be messed up and also like his mom texts him right before and definitely reminds him.

It also gives us sight into what Ricky thinks will happen with his parents. He thinks as soon as his mom comes home for good that it will all be fine with his parents, and that’s not what happens (as we know from episode 4). This is also mirrored in Ricky and Nini’s relationship.

Also long distance for teenagers? (grade 10s going into grade 11 at that point) like that isn’t something they’ve ever been told could work

I’m not saying that Nini’s reaction isn’t valid, I’m just trying to explain what I think is going on with Ricky

Although Nini is the only person Ricky goes to for advice, so shouldn’t she kind of be aware of these issues? Although I guess Ricky’s not even very aware of what’s going on at this point either

“Troy would have arrived on time” incorrect - many people have mentioned this but like, Troy was always late. It’s a major plot point in all of the movies.

EJ’s “You got this babe,” is what caused Miss Jen to spill on the light thing and then made the lights go out → metaphor? EJ is actually stifling Nini by being so “supportive” (by accident)

“I’m not thrown,” queen! Literally 1. Boyfriend tells her he loves her causing slightly traumatic flashback 2. Ex boyfriend runs in to auditions for something he’s said he hates and 3. Lights get messed. We stan. Not thrown, what a legend. (and then proceeds to sing and face her dream fears)

Ricky! With the flashlight first, because he believes in her, EJ with his light because he needs to one up Ricky.\

RED! Coming to support his friend.

Temp -tress girl → then immediately improvises lines just to tell Nini that he loves her

“Was this in the movie?” Miss Jenn and Carlos → fake fans

“Cause that’s like not even a word your parents say to each other anymore” → he’s trying to explain his actions (or lack thereof). Also ow, that is a hard thing to hear.

I like Ricky’s version better than Nini’s oops

Also Nini is charmed by it, even though she doesn’t want to be → cue jealous EJ

Everyone subtly impressed, and also are like “awww”

“Don’t not love you” so quietly, this boy has emotional intimacy problems and he needs to talk to a therapist or something cause his parents are really messing him up with their divorce, or “legal separation” I guess. I don’t really know what the difference is.

Ricky’s face when Nini tells him he broke her heart → immediate regret

“I… don’t… not… love you,” oof

Nini and Ashlyn’s faces, my babies are so excited they got their parts!

Gina, shocked

“She thinks I’m a ChAd?”

Ricky looks so impressed with himself and he’s also like *play ball, let’s go boys*, Nini’s like *uh oh*, and EJ’s like *maybe I’ll slip him a rotten egg too*(oop ep. 4 spoilers)

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts spoilers #episode 1 #kimberleysthoughts #mypost #feel free to come yell into the void with me about this show #(the void is the name of my askbox lol)#kimberleyreacts

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i’m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

#i expect to now just think of like ten dozen Other Characters who would've been great to mention #c'est la vie!!! c'est comme ca!!!! speaking of. thinking of the hc that winston jsut. drops french phrases into his speech sometimes #building on the moi....tbt ur benston fic w quelle horreur.....#nothingunrealistic1

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tuchimuchibrainvomit · 7 years

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My Thoughts On Neo Yokio — I Might Just Surprise You!

Since I have a little time before I power through a 4-5 hour drive to Maryland. I wanted to try reviewing something that has taken over my eyes and mind for the past few days (and no, it is not Madoka). A tangent before we start, I tend to be one of those “Main-Subculture Hating Hipsters”, that will wait until every high up, every gossip, every hipster and every anime fan has shut up about something they deem as good before I check it out. Hence why I hit Madoka much later — when no one was talking about it. I wanna go in as blind or unbiased as I can. Call it being an “Asocial Hipster”, but when the internet finally shuts up about something, I’ll experience it and then come back to see what happened on the net and explore my own experiences solitarily. But the thing I’m reviewing today is quite different from that usual attitude of mine. Today, we are reviewing Neo Yokio!

Netflix’s, Ezra of Vampire Weekend’s and Jaden Smith’s anime... And... *sweats* Why I think it is a good show. In fact, I liked it a lot! Let me add a point of bias: in most shows, I don’t watch it sober on my first viewing. When I tried Neo Yokio sober, I was disgusted by the art style — but when inebriated, I could take in little moments and the bigger picture. Before watching it again whilst sober, taking in more detail and falling in love with it. It may have a role in why Madoka Rebellion was PERFECT THE WAY IT WAS AND DON’T CHANGE IT, HOMURA WAS IN FUCKING CHARACTER, FIGHT ME!! ... Ahem... Anyway, Go ahead boo now. I’ll wait... ... Now, LET’S BREAK IT DOWN!! Firstly, Neo Yokio tells the story of Neo Riche “Magistocrat” Kaz Khan, played by Jaden Smith. And honestly, the series is just a short slice of life. Simple and very clear that it’s just not anything special. But that’s the brilliance — in my opinion — of the series. With a kind of similar attitude as The Boondocks but less focused on Black Culture (Excluding Kaz and his posse Lexy and GollieB), and more on parodying both anime of the 90’s and early 00’s and the 1%. I want to focus on this 1% idea, and why it was very interesting and successful angle to attack with comedic parody.

We are in 2017. The political climate worldwide is ABSOLUTELY unbearable — hence why I live my life as a 23 year old loser artist as apolitically as I can. Even if it’s practically impossible... — And this is why Neo Yokio genuinely made me chortle the entire way through. So, let’s start with the main character: Kaz. Kaz is dubbed by the masses as “Neo Riche”, the highest class of Neo Yokio, and while he does his damnedest to deny it, he proves quickly that he IS Neo Riche in the first 3 minutes of the series — and it works. This aspect added a lot on my second sober viewing — where the jokes and satire made a bit more sense after I had my time with the laughs and visual insanity that Neo Yokio is. That’s when I found something charming and actually worth my time. Kaz — is the perfect MC for this ridiculous world. I like fashion. My boyfriend really likes fashion. And the idea of being the 1% is insanely charming and a way we love to playfully act together. And Neo Yokio plays into that — Kaz being just as flamboyant and unconnected in one way as his rival Arcangelo is flamboyant and unconnected in another, both stereotypical yet enjoyable plays of the 1% that many people despise so much in the political spectrum. Kaz doesn’t care about politics, and this is a perspective I rarely see about the 1% until Kaz and his friends start observing it, serving to — while confused in tone ending — comment on what often goes unseen by the 1% that is not focused in politics but in their day to day life. And it’s petty, stupid and hilariously over-the-top, as many people see the idealized lives of the 1%. Let’s talk about Kaz. I feel like Jaden Smith’s monotone mannerism and voice fit ABSOLUTELY perfectly for the kind of character Kaz is. He’s overly dramatic in a drab, pretentious way. He’s from an almost alien lifestyle and he is presented as such. Jaden fits personally with this and adds charm to it. Look at one of the BEST bits from Episode 1, where Kaz — depressed over being dumped AND failing an exorcism goes to a graveyard with his OWN grave just to lay there and wallow in his despair. This moment shows how we should see throughout the show Kaz — as weird, inconsequently rich, ignorant and yet funny and lovable. This makes him a great character to experience the world inside of Neo Yokio’s other classes. He is ignorant and therefore he is called out for it in many funny ways that can add some depth to him. Charles works in that manner, being a robot butler, who snidely chastises his master’s lack of consequence. But has a similar charm and enjoyment at Kaz, almost playing the role of audience proxy. And the more characters that come, play off of Kaz very well comedically. And from Kaz as well the references to Toblerones, high fashion like Louis Vuitton and Chanel, and the absolute joke they make out of Kaz’ bachelor status make him very personable. Next, I want to talk about the animation. When I first saw it, my gut reaction was “TRASH, BURN IT!!”

But after really seeing what the show tries, I started to understand it was —consciously and unconsciously — parodying: Shitty anime from the 2000’s, lazy techniques in anime as a whole and it made for a charming exterior. Seriously guys, Sailor Pellegrino’s name written in Sailor Moon’s title font, that’s hilarous! And whether or not, Ezra or the community says “it’s a serious story”, I’m basing this review after my experience and things I saw. In that, I want to talk about some of the social commentary. It all doesn’t work. They have an interesting episode showing Kaz’ ignorance in his inherent misogyny — but also, I feel like it doesn’t know whether it wants to comment on it or make fun of it. I saw it as really a mix of both. Some successful, some not successful, nobody’s perfect and yet I enjoyed it. There are some bits that I liked — being gay and all, Arcangelo’s VERY FLAMBOYANT portrayal was absolutely hilarious, I loved it! I love when they play up flamboyancy comedically, it often makes me fall love with a character. I loved Lexy chasing after the hottest lesbian in the town, knowing he wouldn’t make much out of it — even if he got Ranma’d to being Kaz’ date. I liked him calling out Kaz’ bull misogyny as both a good moment for Kaz and an interesting commentary, and using Ranma 1/2 as inspiration. I think that’s why I like gender benders as a whole. They tend to be wacky, campy and bring up new perspectives. But that’s just me, whether you take offense or not, is up to you. I can’t dictate that and I don’t judge people for their reactions to things. I just personally find most campy portrayals too ridiculous to be taken seriously, even if it is meant to be derogatory. Sure, they’re not great for LGBT or Women’s civil rights, but for the sake of a show that makes me laugh, I don’t take it seriously. If I wanted a serious commentary about more real life issues, I’ll go outside of anime and comedy films. As for other comments and the one’s it tends to get right: The ignorance of the Neo Riche. Kaz doesn’t even think of himself as Neo Riche, yet he is. And the character, Helena plays with that — while also making an army of fangirls, who follow everything she does in a completely hysterical manner. They are a nice poke at the masses that follow someone famous to the ends of the earth. Charles also plays with that around the penultimate episode — not spoiling. ;3 On to sound, while I didn’t pay much attention, classical style music is everywhere. No tracks stood out to me because classical is not my forte, but I think it fit with the Neo Riche-style. The acting is hokey, plays the gamut from Jaden Smith monotone to Lexy’s VERY black mannerisms — it made me feel remarkably at home. My family is absolutely like that in voice styles and ranges. It made me laugh even more. I personally liked the acting, seeing it as intentionally “bad” for the sake of comedy. The story itself plays between slice of life and a serialized story, which kinda mucks up the sudden tone shift in the end. Unlike Cowboy Bebop, we don’t have as much time with the cast as a whole to feel much for them in the end. But I’d hope for a Season 2 to really explore more of the side characters. I want to know more about Lexy and GollieB’s hole-in-the-wall bar, I want to see more of Helena’s followers — especially after the ridiculous things they do to be just like Helena, and the ending kinda shook me in a way I didn’t expect that was very cute going forward. I could go on, but I think it is time for me to sum up my thoughts on Neo Yokio: “It’s very good at what it does, but it’s not for everyone. It’s audience is like the Neo Riche, small and niche.” That is the best way to put my thoughts on it.

Some people will get it and enjoy it. Most others, will write it off as trite. And I understand that point while also saying: “Try watching it inebriated. Take in the campy ridiculousness of it all.” No matter what the creators and critics say, everyone’s personal experience will be different based on where they come from. I read it as a parodic farce and enjoyed it very much as such. As a serious story or social commentary — it fell a lot more than it rose. And that’s OK. The best parts of the show are when Kaz is with Helena, the Helenists, and his boys, Lexy and GollieB. Laughing when he’s dealing with his aunt (voiced by Susan Sarandon, so yes!) or wallowing in the “misery” of being privileged bachelor. I recommend it for those who want something that you can make fun of — as I found it making fun of itself. To people who love the fabulous rich lifestyle of fashion, fame and camp! And I recommend trying it alone or with friends, but most importantly — drunk and/or baked as hell! Always bloom proudly guys, —Tuchi OUT!

#review #anime discussion #anime gif #anime #netflix #neo yokio #my thoughts #jaden smith #ezra koenig #weird #kaz khan

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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New Man Pt. 4 / Save Me (Biadore) - Fucking Awful.

[A/N]: Thanks for the love, friends! Part 4 is below, some dawn is creeping through the darkness. Will aim to post the last 2 chapters in quick succession, Lord knows we all hate to wait. As usual, thoughts/internal monologue are in italics and lyrics are indented. Xoxo Fucking Awful.

No way was Roy actually taking an Uber home. One of the things he missed most about New York was being able to walk places, so given the chance he was going back to the hotel on foot. Plus, it would give him some extra time to clear his head.

It was mile 1 that it started to drizzle. No big deal, I survived a fucking hurricane.

It was at mile 2 that it started to pour. Shit.

It was at mile 2.1 that Roy realized his hotel was another 4 miles away. So this is it, I guess I die from pneumonia.

And at mile 2.2, Roy was rescued.

“Hey little boy, need a ride? I’ve got a nice unmarked vehicle.” Johnny pulled up next to him, thank god in a Prius and not an SVU murder van.

“Well gee, my mom always said not to get in cars with strange men.” Roy’s teeth were starting to chatter and he knew he needed to get in the damn car, but the last place he wanted to be was cooped up with Danny’s cousin.

“You sure? I hear witches melt in the rain.” Johnny tried for another joke.

Oh right, I’m a hateful witch. I almost forgot. “I’m the wickedest of them all, I guess.” Roy slipped into the car. “Thanks, Johnny.”

“Anytime, man. I’m glad I found you so fast. The hostess said you walked off and I got worried when it started to pour. Thank god your patterns are predictable.” Roy could tell that Johnny was nervous, he was the type to ramble whenever he was uncomfortable.

“That’s me, predictable and evil.” Roy looked out the window. Sky’s falling – that feels about right.

They drove several blocks, only the low din of the radio and raindrops covering the uncomfortable silence. Roy could feel Johnny glancing over at him, projecting all kinds of concerned energy, but his head wasn’t clear enough to talk about the shit that just happened. He just needed to get back to his hotel and figure out his next move while he was alone. Is there even a next move to make?

But Johnny’s good nature and discomfort got the best of him. “Roy, I’m, um. I’m really sorry about brunch. It was supposed to be a fun time and Danny –“

“Was right.”

“What?”

“Danny was right. He is right.” I started, so why stop. Roy rolled right on through Johnny’s attempts to respond.

“I used to think I was really good at compartmentalizing, that I could separate all the hateful shady shit I do as Bianca from who I really am. The cold, black heart stuff – that was all character, and I was a real person. But maybe it’s been so long, I didn’t try enough, I missed out on – somewhere along the way, everyone decided that’s who I really am. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. Even my –” Roy paused. What is Danny to me, anyway? “Even my best friend thinks I’m a rotted cunt who can’t feel, doesn’t even deserve to feel. Maybe I should just give in.”

Thank God they were back at the hotel. On that happy note, Roy made quick work of getting out of the car. “Thanks again, Johnny. Appreciate it.” He walked quickly into the hotel, actively ignoring Johnny yelling after him.

—

Roy wasn’t sure what to do with himself.

When he came to Seattle he assumed he’d be spending his Sunday with Danny, running around the city doing random things just like they did on a hundreds lazy weekends before. They would be watching shitty 90’s movies at a cheap theater, laughing loudly and getting dirty looks as they browsed through a bookstore, fighting over what’s ugly in a thrift shop – whatever it could’ve been, it definitely wasn’t sitting in his hotel room, soaked in dirty rainwater, alone.

What am I doing here? His idea to “fix” the Danny situation at brunch had backfired spectacularly, leaving him feeling worse than ever before. Roy didn’t feel like a lot of people knew him, the real him, but he thought Danny was one of them. And if Danny thought he was a soulless, stone cold asshole who couldn’t and didn’t deserve to feel love…well, maybe he was right.

Here we go. Roy could feel himself spiraling. The self-doubt, self-consciousness, self-loathing…all the self-“bads” were ramping up and swirling together in his mind. He knew himself well enough to know that he was not one to be lifted out of sadness; for him, the only way through it was to actually go through it. He needed that last self – self-indulgence – to get over this shit storm. This is the real Hurricane Bianca.

He clicked into Spotify and started the aptly named “Rabbit Hole” playlist. The first song was one of his favorites, “Save Me” by Nicki Minaj. Trinity had brought him around to Nicki’s music, and while he wouldn’t admit it to many people she has some of his favorite tracks.

I drove for miles just to find you and find myself All these screams, all these voices in my head

His internal monologue started in. Did you really think this was going to work, Haylock? I mean come on, you’ve had three years to get it together and go after Danny. What made you think it would work this time, that you’d be good enough now?

You gave me strength, gave me hope for a lifetime I never was satisfied

He thought back to the early days of his friendship with Danny, the time during and immediately after Season 6 when he had become totally enamored with a 23-year-old kid. Back then he didn’t have the passionate, romantic feelings for Danny that kept him up at night - or rather, he didn’t know them enough to put a name to them. So when Danny had made his move – after that fucking finale and Latrice motherfucking Royale’s goddamn Facebook question – Roy panicked. He rebuffed the advances, kindly and carefully so to not break Danny, and they cemented their friendship instead. I may regret that for the rest of my life.

This time won’t you save me, this time won’t you save me Baby I can feel myself giving up

Roy needed to do something while he wallowed – active self-loathing, he decided – so he was going to pack and book a flight that evening. He had screwed things up too much to come back from it, at least right away. He needed to just go home and start trying to actually move on from Danny. The sooner he could accept that he would be alone, the better.

It’s not your fault, I’m a bitch, I’m a monster Yes, I’m a beast and I feast when I conquer But I’m alone on my throne, all these riches I came this way, all this way just to say

I guess it’s my fault. Roy was starting to feel that he brought all of this on himself. He spent too much time being a technician – of costuming, of drag, of relationships – that he lost the right to be emotional. Even if the walls he built up could be broken down, no one wanted to try anymore. Friendships he could keep, but passionate, romantic, soul-swelling love…that was too far gone. God doesn’t give with both hands, right?

Just as Roy was hitting his emotional rock bottom, the song was cut off by a phone call: Shane.

“Roy? Roy. Roy! Are you there?” Shane sounded like he was yelling into the speaker.

Pull it together, Haylock. “Jesus Shane, yeah I’m here. Did you fall down a well? Are you deaf? Did somebody fuck you in your eardrums?

“No I just dropped my phone.” The sound was coming in clear now. “It was under the – wait, Roy what the hell is going on? I just got a hysterical call from Danny – did you break up with Sky?”

Roy closed his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “Not exactly, I caught him in bed with someone else a couple weeks ago and I had to leave.”

“A couple of weeks ago? Why didn’t you tell me? Danny just screamed at me for 20 minutes for not telling him, I had no idea. We all thought you and Sky were really happy together, that you guys were always spending time and you were blowing us off for your new boyfriend. Why were you lying?” Shane was mad, but Roy could hear something else – concern – creeping into his tone.

“Roy and Sky broke up? Does that mean he’s available?” Roy could hear Alaska yelling in the background.

“Ooooh, you know we could use some free Equinox passes.” Willam was there, too. “Toss us your leftovers, Roy. Alaska and I can share.”

“Guys, knock it off. They just ended a relationship, Roy has to be a little torn up about this. He’s hiding it from us, so it must make him – ”

This was exactly what Roy didn’t want. His friends were concerned about him, seeing him as weak.

“Willam, I know damn well you and that snake emoji would fuck someone for just a tank of gas, but that trainer whore is apparently into bears now, so as ET’s nasty ass brother you’re out of luck.” Trusty Rolodex of Hate to the rescue once again.

“Aww, there’s that bitch we know and love.” Alaska cooed. “Let us know if you need anything, though, Roy. That heart of stone has to break sometimes.”

Once again reminded just how cold and callous even his friends believed he was, Roy cracked. Well, his voice cracked to be more exact. Cracked and sobbed. And sobbed, and sobbed.

“Holy shit, Roy are you ok?” He could hear Shane pick up the phone and step out of whatever room he was in. “Hold on, I’m putting you on FaceTime.”

Roy didn’t see the point in denying the video call, there was no way to hide what was happening now. He pulled back the phone and saw Shane staring back at him, a dramatically concerned look on his normally chipper face.

Then he looked into the bottom right corner, and realized what was making his friend look so distressed – Roy looked like misery personified. His eyes were rimmed bright red, his nose was running, his face was blotchy, his clothes were soaked, tears mixing with rainwater on his face – it was bad. Goddammit, I look like fucking Gia with a wonky eye.

“Oh babe.” Shane’s heart was breaking for Roy, he could see it. “I didn’t know you cared about him this much, I never even met him.”

“Shane, it’s not about Sky. I literally couldn’t give less of a shit about that.” Shane was confused again; thank God his face was so expressive. “It’s Danny. I need to talk to you about something.”

—

Roy spent a few minutes catching Shane up on the weekend’s events. Shane knew in theory about Roy’s feelings for Danny, but Roy had always played the extent of it close to his chest so that he wouldn’t put their mutual good friend in an awkward position.

Apparently Danny had not done the same. “Roy, he loves you. He is so deeply in love with you, the fact that you would even doubt that for half a second is just bananas.”

“You didn’t see him, Shane. You didn’t see his face, hear his voice – he thinks I’m a piece of shit and that I’m undeserving of love. The way he looked at me, I just…” Roy’s voice cracked again. Thinking about the emotions he saw in Danny’s eyes earlier that day – disappointment, anger, pity, sadness. It was too much.

“God, that whole thing sounds awful. I’m so sorry, love.” Roy could see Shane trying to work out some way to help from afar. “And Jinkx and Dela – what happened? Why didn’t they do anything?”

“There wasn’t anything they could do. Danny was just so angry. I’ve never seen him like that. I really fucked this up, I don’t think there’s coming back from this. I lost it, I lost him, I ruined everything.”

God, you sound depressing. Roy was too exasperated to keep going, there was nothing else to say. He just needed to go home, so he carried the phone over to his suitcase where he continued packing.

“Uh, what are you doing?” Shane asked.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m packing, I’m going to get on the first plane out of here and try to figure my life out.”

“You can’t LEAVE! Roy – no, this isn’t over. This is the part in the movie where things just start to get good. You can’t just give up.”

“It’s not giving up Shane, it’s knowing when to retreat so you don’t get slaughtered. This isn’t a movie; this is the unfortunate reality of my life right now. Danny deserves better than what he thinks I am, and I can’t be around him right now without…” Jesus, pull yourself together Haylock.

“We’ll figure out how to be friends later, but I can’t just stay here and see the person I hurt and the relationship I ruined. It’s just too much.” And now you sound like fucking Laganja – GREAT. By the end of that, Roy’s chest was heaving and his eyes were starting to water again.

Suddenly there was a pounding at the door. Roy was confused, he didn’t call down for anything. “Hold on Shane, let me get that.”

“Don’t you dare hang up on me, this conversation isn’t over.”

“Calm down, drama queen.” Roy went to the door. “Jesus, I’m coming!” Looking through the peep hole, all he could see is two sets of hands banging. He opened it and –

“Jinkx? Ben? What are you –“

“Who is it? Who is it? Is it Danny?” Shane was shouting excitedly through the phone.

“No you kangaroo, it’s the two worst wingmen of all time.” He rotated the phone again, letting Shane see Jinkx and Dela as they came in and sat on his bed.

“Oh good, they can help me. Guys, Roy is trying to leave. Please agree with me on this, he can’t go!”

“Roy I’m so sorry for what happened earlier, I should’ve waited to bring anything up until I knew how it was going. This is all my fault.” Ben looked so genuinely apologetic, while Jinkx looked off in thought.

“It’s not your fault, Ben. It’s mine. Guys, I appreciate your concern and wanting to help, but this isn’t just about a bad decision I made this weekend. It’s about the bad decision I’ve made hundreds of times every day since I realized I love Danny, which is to not tell him and make it real. I should’ve done something years ago, instead of shoving everything down and turning him away and insisting we just be friends. I made myself stone to him, because I thought I had to, and I did such a good job that now he believes it. But enough with my fucking monologues. Bottom line – Danny would never be with someone who –“

“Are you done?” Jinkx made himself known.

“Excuse me?” Roy was shocked.

“I said, are you done yet? Done feeling sorry for yourself?” Shane and Ben joined Roy in his look of confusion, but Jinkx carried on. “We were just with Danny – Shane, I know you talked to him too – and fuck me if that kid doesn’t love the shit out of you. He’s pacing around trying to figure out what he can do, beating himself up just as much as you are. When we left I convinced him to smoke a little bit to mellow out and he started going off about calling some witch friend of his about time travel –“

“I wish you wouldn’t let him smoke so much right, he’s been on vocal rest. He’s got so many shows coming up, he needs to stay healthy.” Roy couldn’t help himself.

“OH MY GOD, listen to you! Here you are, in your own personal hell and rock bottom, clearly emotionally ripped to shreds by Danny, and you’re still worried about his voice? Jesus Roy, you owe it to yourself to try and make something work with him.”

“I’m not the one who matters here, I don’t want to force Danny into –“

“Ok, are you not listening?” Jinkx flicked Roy upside his head. “You’re not forcing him into anything. You’re the fucking air he breathes, and vice versa. You make each other better when you’re together, and you both crumble when you’re apart. Why do you think you’ve been so off since he moved up here and you started talking less? You do a good job hiding it, but I know you’ve been really sad. Tell me I’m wrong, I dare you.”

This snarky bitch is getting grand. But Roy couldn’t argue. The two of them had spent a lot of time together through all the BOTS and press tours; even if they weren’t the best of friends, there was something about Jinkx that saw right through Roy. He just nodded.

“So do something about it. Or better yet, talk about it. You and Danny have spent so long trying to jam down all your feelings for each other, you have to talk about it – sober – for once. Be honest with him, and listen to what he has to say. I guarantee you’re going to hear something that will make you happy.” Jinkx paused, looking at Roy for a reaction. “If you don’t do this, you’re going to regret this for the rest of your life. However short that is, grandma.”

Roy could only sit in silence. He was running all the scenarios in his head, trying to figure out what he could say to Danny to make it all ok.

“Hey, you.” Shane was talking now, in the calm and almost motherly way he sometimes had. “Get out of your head, I see you turning inward. Stop over analyzing and trying to make something perfect.”

Taking a deep breath, Roy began: “I think – “

Ben cut him off. “Don’t think, Roy. What do you feel?”

Roy had to roll his eyes at that. “I feel,” he began snarkily, before taking a serious breath. “I feel…I feel like if I walk away from Danny, I’m walking away from the only person I ever have or will be in love with.” Goddammit, I’m crying again. “If I can’t be with him, I can’t be with anyone. And that scares the shit out of me.”

“So don’t. Don’t walk away.” Jinkx cracked the drill sergeant façade, and gave Roy a rough side hug.

Roy’s phone dinged – a text message. The eyes in the room shot to the notification banner – it was from Danny. It dinged twice more – 2 more messages from him, in quick succession. All Roy could muster was, “Oh shit.”

“What’s going on?” Shane looked confused.

“Roy just got a bunch of texts from Danny. What do they say? Click over and see what they say!” Ben was getting excited.

“Let him read them himself first, Dela, geez.” Jinkx swatted Ben’s reaching hand away.

“Hold on Shane, you won’t see us for a minute.” Roy switched into his texts, his heart beating so fast he thought it might burst out of his chest, Alien-style

The first message: I wish you had told me. How was I supposed to know? Don’t keep things from me.

The second: Sorry, not the point. That came out wrong.

The third: We need to talk about this. About us. I have a show tomorrow night, please come and stay to see me after.

A fourth came while Roy was reading: I really want you there, it would mean the world to me.

“Alright, I’m staying at least one more day. But you bitches are coming to this show with me tomorrow night.” For the first time in hours, Roy cracked an honest smile.

“I’m getting on a plane!” Shane shrieked in excitement.

“We’ll alert the tops of Seattle to stock up on lube. But you aren’t staying with me, you kangaroo.” Roy wasn’t sure he could actually make a comeback, but Danny wanted him there and he sure as shit was going to try.

—

[End of Part 4]

#bianca del rio #adore delano #jinkx monsoon #bendelacreme #courtney act #biadore #new man #angst #rpdr fanfiction #submission #canon compliant #fucking awful

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partyatmyhaus · 7 years

Text

I don't believe in God, but I believe in this shit

6,000 words of trans!Matt. My b?

READ IT ON Ao3

He knows from the second he reads the definition online, that there’s a reason he feels the way he does- and he’s not weird. He bookmarks the page, even though he knows by heart how to find it again, and he buries the link under a fake title in a bookmarks tab he uses for school stuff- and only opens it when no one else is home.

It’s his secret.

[Whenever he closes the tab, he tries to ignore the stabbing feeling of that he’s lost something somehow].

The first person he ever tells is his mom. And it’s nothing remarkable- nothing planned but it’s not an accident. It’s over two years since he finds the definition, and it’s just her and him in the kitchen- she’s making dinner while he’s providing her some company. And he makes a split second decision to tell her. He’s going to to college next year, and he feels like it’s a now or never situation.

“I’m a guy.”

He knows her mom tells her dad that night, he can hear the frustrated yelling through the walls. The confused whisper/shouting match back and forth. He presses himself up against his wall as tight as he can- he clutches his stuffed dog, the one his aunt brought him for his first birthday- and he listens.

“What do we do, Mary?” After a long while of silence, he hears his dad sigh being followed by the sound of two bodys sitting on the couch.

“We support our baby, George.”

He stays the weekend with his aunt, and when he comes home his closet is basically empty of all the dusty dresses and skirts- and when he goes into the living room to ask, he finds his mom reading the newspaper while his dad watches the game.

“What happened to my closet?” He asks standing in the doorway, it’s been a weird few weeks- and he can’t help but internally start to panic that they’re emptying his stuff out because they’re going to kick him out. That this is the last leg so to speak.

His mother doesn’t look up from her newspaper article as she replies, “You were never going to wear them so i gave them to Darla. Her daughter is about your size, besides she is struggling a little bit- why not help out?”

He goes to leave the room- before he starts crying honestly, but he lingers for a moment before saying,

“Thank you.”

Right after school gets out for Christmas break, his mom and dad take him out- telling him that they wanted the company while going to get groceries.

They end up at a barber- the one he recognizes that his dad goes too- and before he can ask his mom what’s going on, she’s halfway out of the car saying,

“Your hair is getting a little long, don’t you think?”

He leaves with a men #7, and honestly- it feels like he can breathe a bit better.

He get’s his first binder for Christmas. It comes from his Aunt, and it’s not wrapped or under the tree- she instead has him follow her out to her car, and she hands it to him with a wink and then vanishes back into the party.

He opens it in his room, and he sits on the floor- just touching it for a long time.

He wears his binder for the first time, on the second day back to school. Between everyone focusing on his hair being short, and the large sweater he wears, it’s probably not noticeable to anyone-

Anyone but him.

The summer after his Junior year ends- he gets placed on Testosterone-Hormones. And by the end of the summer, there are changes- little ones but there are changes.

The biggest one being the little bit of darkening peach fuzz on his face; (he spends 30 minutes doing a dance in his bathroom for a little bit after he notices it).

Over the summer himself and his parents start the process of getting his name changed. And the only reason it happens is because one night he cries to his mother for an hour rambling about how he didn’t want his diploma to say ‘that other name’ .

The new semester starts and he thinks that everyone (With the exception of like 2 people) think he’s a new student- not the same kid they’d all gone to school with sense Pre-K.

[Of course people start to figure it out and there is one incident that still haunts him. He had been in the locker room- putting his shoes back on, when two guys he vaguely remembers from his 3rd period seem to appear out of nowhere.

He never tells his mom how he got the black eye or why his shirt was ripped right down the middle.

And he never shows the bruises around his ribs and forearms- from where he was shoved to the floor and violently kicked for over an hour].

A couple weeks after that he makes friends with a group of people from his Spanish class.

[Within two weeks of making his new ‘friends’ he finds out it was a bet- placed by the kids from his 3rd period. A bet to see who could befriend him the fastest].

By graduation, he’s starting to feel really comfortable. Overall he’s got more hair- and his voice is much deeper than before.

And, to everyone’s joy, his diploma doesn’t say the wrong name.

The summer before college, his aunt comes to him and offers to pay for a mastectomy- telling him she has talked to his parents and that if he wants to do it- now would be the best time. Not missing school, being able to be cared for.

He gets his mastectomy a week after his birthday.

When he wakes up, his chest feels so light- he cries.

College starts and his professors call out the right name in class on the first day, and he feels really really good.

He ends up roommate-less for about a month, before a girl moves in. He comes back from class to his door half open and a girl in his room, currently putting sheets on the previously unoccupied bed. She offers a wide smile when she notices him.

“The school told me why no one wanted to room with you, and that’s fucking stupid. Anyways- I’m Jess.”

Jess introduces him to her friend Adam, and they hit it off right away. After about 2 months of hanging out about non-stop, he thinks that he should have been more surprised when Adam kisses him. When Adam cuts off his ramble about this seasons baseball picks and leans across the couch and cups his face and kisses him. He could be surprised.

But he isn’t and he doesn’t stop himself from kissing back.

Their first date is in some shitty arcade where Adam is better at everything, and by the end of it- Adam uses all the tickets he collected and gets a small green bear (which Adam ends up leaving for him on his dresser table).

They go on another date about a week later, they go see some shitty movie; they’re the only ones in the whole theater so they make commentary the entire time and Adam laughs so hard his face is bright red.

Adam spends the last 35 minutes of the movie, slowly and gently moving his hand into his. Slowly slotting their fingers together- and never once looking at him. As if he was trying to play it cool (the thought makes him laugh).

By the end of the movie they walk out of the theater still hand in hand.

It’s a wonderful date.

Two months into dating, he tells Adam- only because he feels he has too (like dating him has a disclaimer, and he was obligated to tell Adam).

Adam takes the news with a smile and a gentle laugh, and tells him later that before Jess introduced them, she had told him (along with threatening him, “ If you make him sad Kovic, I’ll fucking kill you. He’s so nice, so don’t be a dick. ”)

He finds himself falling in love with his dork of a boyfriend pretty fast, and by the time their 6 month anniversary rolls around- he just knows. He can’t explain how he does, but he just knows.

He can feel it settle deep into the pit of stomach as he watches Adam laugh so hard some of his beer comes out of his nose- and he just knows .

He knows Adam is his person.

Adam drops out of college later that year, and instantly Adam seems more cheery- it makes him glad. School had been weighing on Adam and he had hated seeing him so tired and empty all the time.

Around that time he and Adam have sex for the first time. They’ve been dating for a year and a half at that point, and god bless Adam Kovic because he must ask him at least 100 times, “ Are you okay?” “Are you alright?”

He is very okay, and very much so alright.

[After they’re cleaned up and settled into bed- limbs criss-crossed and their body’s are sweaty and heavy, he says it- out into the air.

‘I love you, Adam.’ And he isn’t disappointed when he gets a kiss to the top of his head and he can feel Adam’s smile.

‘I love you, too.’]

[[He sleeps better than he ever has that night]].

He graduates that fall; he tries to hide is disappointment when the only family members who show up are his mother, father and aunt.

He gets a job for Adult Swim, an assistant editor for one of their shows, and he hates it instantly. He tries to stay positive, he knows how hard it is to get a job out of college so he tries to remain calm and not let everything bother him.

Adam spends the next year gently offering him a job at Machinima (which he always just smiles at and shakes his head at).

The next time he actually tells someone is years later, after he’s been in Robot Chicken editors hell for about 4 years when Adam ‘invites’ him out to lunch and when he gets to restaurant- Adam is nowhere to be seen, but Bruce is at a table- waving him over.

And the only reason he tells Bruce, wonderful Bruce who’s offering him a job, is because he feels like he has a disclaimer. Like he has too- like if he doesn’t he’s a liar.

And Bruce, wonderful friendly Bruce, just smiles at him and tells him ‘I don’t give a shit whatever you’ve got going on under your pants- as long as you can do your job’.

He leaves Robot Chicken later that month.

The first major negative reaction he receives in his adult life- is within his first month of being with Machinima. [Of course he’s had negative reactions, but never one on this scale].

The office Christmas party is in full swing and he feels like he’s the only sober person in the entire room (he doesn’t mind being the designated driver- honestly he feels more at peace knowing his friends will get home safe).

He is sitting at the booth- all of his friends on the floor dancing. The party isn’t at the office but at some bar, close enough to the office that most people had just walked over instead of even trying to move their cars.

He’s been sat by himself for a while now, content just to watch as Lawrence bullies Joel into doing body shots- and he finds himself laughing when Sean ends up out doing all of them.

About the time the party is in full swing a couple of guys he recognizes that work in the little space just outside of ‘The Joel Hole’, and he knows they’re drunk.

“Hey there, Rebecca.”

And it’s something out of a movie the way his body tenses up, and his blood runs cold and no one has called him by that name in years. That name is dead, that person is dead.

“Aw, gonna cry like the little girl you are?” And he can’t breathe but between the two guys and him he can’t leave. They won’t let him. His heart feels heavy, and the entire world feels like the moment in-between being thrown into the air and hitting the pool water.

“Everyone in the office knows, you know. Why you think they’re your friends is beyond me.” Jackass A says, and he’s about 2 seconds away from crying- but they don’t stop. They don’t care about him. He doesn’t even care about how they know- he just wants them to leave. That must show on his face because then they’re laughing even louder.

“Yeah, it’s funny!” Jackass 2 says laughing, his beer sloshes and a bit hits the table, “We all get together and laugh at how funny it is that you think they tolerate you- let alone like you.”

The three disappear after that, and so does he.

He emails their boss- Not Bruce or Adam, he goes even higher up than that, and he cashes in a week of ‘personal’ time off.

He ignores the calls and texts from everyone- and he feels terribly, terribly guilty for leaving them all at the bar alone- but can’t bring himself to answer the phone.

(Honestly, deep down, he can’t bring himself to feel the guilt- feel anything really).

He spends the entire week in his apartment, curled up next to his bed (he’s not worth enough to lay on the bed).

By the 4th day, he can hear Adam and Lawrence pounding on his door, yelling for him to open up. It’s only after they threaten to call the landlord (and then the police) that he grabs his phone and sends them a text message- not proof read and shaky- but he sends it.

11:24 AM

To: Adda-Boi, Larr

MSG:

Imm fine, pleasd leave before my neighbors compain

[They leave 10 minutes later, and he pretends to not hear the cracking in Adam’s voice.]

He comes back to work the next Tuesday, and acts as if nothing is wrong. As if he doesn’t know.

They never really liked him, he was just a source of entertainment.

A joke.

[He pretends that doesn’t hurt as badly as it actually does].

He breaks up with Adam a week later. He shows up at Adam’s apartment at 10 PM, crying and it takes him about 30 minutes to get it out but he does. It comes out rushed, and not planned like he had rehearsed it to be, but he knows Adam hears him.

He leaves Adam, silently crying on the couch.

Life becomes a cycle after that.

Wake up. Go to work. Ignore everyone. Come home. Drink. (And if he’s feeling real crazy at some point in his schedule he’ll find time to eat).

After a month of the breakup, it seems as if everyone has given up on him- no one seems to try to take him to lunch or ask him what’s wrong. No one pats him on the back, or gives him random hugs. No one texts him anymore and it should make him feel better but it doesn’t.

He misses them, he misses Adam. Oh, God, does he miss Adam.

But he enjoys knowing that he’s ruined their entertainment- that he’s ruined the running gag.

He’d rather be alone and sad than blissfully happy and the butt end of their jokes.

He learns the names of the jackasses from the bar- Colin and Brett. And the only reason he comes to learn their names is because their boss (the big one) pairs him up to help them with a new show. For the next 8 weeks, he’s on loan to the dickheads and not going to be anywhere near Inside Gaming.

After 5 weeks, he just can’t take it anymore. He starts doing stupid shit- it starts by accident but then he doesn’t want to start.

He picks up a pan from the stove without an oven mit- and makes himself feel the pain for a good 3 seconds before dropping it back down.

He starts taking showers only if the water is either too hot or much too cold.

He eats only when the edges of his vision start going blurry

He starts to wish he was normal. That he could have been happy as a girl.

[He starts torturing himself by looking at old family photos- the ones from before he told his family.]

By the time the project ends and he’s back working with the Inside Gaming crew, he’s lost 20 pounds and he hasn’t slept in what feels like years. He knows he must look like shit because Sean just kind of looks at him his first day back and looks worried.

‘That’s not a look of worry that’s pity.’ His brain corrects and that’s how he finds himself glaring at one of nicest people he’s ever met at 7:45 in the morning. By the time Sean looks ready to talk to him, he’s turning around and heading to his desk- grumbling about edits.

It’s 3 months after the break up, and he’s still avoiding Adam. He knows Adam wants an explanation (All he had said that night was ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I can’t do this. Not to you’.)

But like all things, that comes to an end and by the end of the 3rd month Adam corners him and convinces him to talk to him.

“Not here. Not at work. But...I’ll come by after work? To your place?” And Adam looks so small and honestly so sad, he can’t stop himself from agreeing.

Adam comes by right from work- but Adam brings his favorite candy. And he feels like such a dick, why did this happen? Why couldn’t he be the person Adam deserved?

He ends up exploding, telling Adam everything- and he tries to ignore the sadness mixed with murder in Adam’s eyes as he asks who it was. Asks who did this.

“It doesn’t matter…” He trailes off and for the first time in 3 months Adma touches him, a gentle but firm grip of his wrist. He wants to cry even more now- he didn’t realize how much he missed touch until now.

“It does. It matters to me. Who was it?” And he tells him, and he doesn’t mean to start crying but he does.

He ends up tucked into Adam’s chest- telling him everything. The dysphoria, how he’s sorry he’s wrong , and that he wishes that he wasn’t fucked up because then they could be together. (He pretends he doesn’t hear Adam’s sniffles as he hugs him).

But Adam, strong Adam, just holds him and pets his hair until he falls asleep.

The next morning, he’s awake first- still tucked into Adam, a blanket half hazardly draped over both of them and he can’t stop himself from snuggling closer. And he tries to ignore the smile that creeps onto his face at the way Adam relaxes and lets him closer- like he always has.

When Adam comes into work the following Monday, he looks ready to murder. He tries to stop his leg from bouncing as he sees Adam gather Bruce and Lawrence.

He tries to calm down and actually get some work done, but soon enough the receptionist is sticking her head in the door and calling for him. He ignores the worried looks from Sean and Joel as he follows her to one of the conference rooms where inside of it sat Adam, Lawrence, Bruce on one side- and on the other side sitting Colin and Brett. At the head of the table sits their boss.

The meeting ends up being the beginning of the end because by the end of the month the seven of them (Joel, Lawrence, Bruce, Sean, James, Adam and himself)- end up joining the Roosterteeth family.

Things are starting to get better.

[He still sleeps beside his bed, on the floor. He can’t shake off the thought of not being worth it to sleep in it- so he just doesn’t].

He feels really stupid when he figures it out. He feels so ignorant for not noticing what had developed. But above all he feels really insignificant and out of place.

They’ve all been with Roosterteeth for months now, but it takes catching James and Sean and Joel making out/on top of each other in the kitchen for them to tell him that everyone (and he does mean everyone: Joel, Bruce, Lawrence, Adam, James, (James’ wife Elyse) and Sean) are in a polyamorous relationship.

A relationship that no one wanted to tell him about.

(He doesn’t know why it hurts as bad as it does).

He doesn’t remember what he says to that- he thinks he made his face go blank and then he just turned and started to walk away- but he doesn’t quite remember.

[He does, however, remember how he shoved his hands into the pockets of his outermost hoodie- because they were shaking. And he remembers how he packed up his stuff, ignoring how James yelled after him- offering to explain everything- he remembers shoving past him, laptop under his arm as he left the office. Ignoring the concerned questions of what happened and James’ explaining behind him.

He remembers driving to the wrong apartment, before in the moment remembering that he lives with Bruce now. He doesn’t remember driving to the new apartment, or getting inside.

He remembers being curled up beside his bed when Bruce and Lawrence had come inside. He remembers how Bruce pushed the door opened, and how it creaked oh so gently. He remembers Lawrence’s quiet whisper of, “ Oh, sweet boy , no .”

He remembers not talking to either of them, but instead- standing, and by using his body pushing them out of his room, and closing the door on them.

He remembers locking the door.]

The next morning he had woken up, moments before his alarm and tried to swallow the instant thought of, ‘ They all love each other- they really don’t need a freak like you around. ’

After getting dressed (wearing the loosest clothes he could find) and debating if he should or should not in fact go to work, (he ends up deciding he needed to go- his moral side winning) he opens his bedroom door for the first time since shutting it on Lawrence and Bruce.

And there they are. Each on a side of the frame, asleep hunched against the wall.

He wants to be mad at them, wants to be upset (and he still is, but it’s dwindled now). And he can’t help but laugh as he uses his foot to awaken Lawrence and the first sound out of the others mouth is a long groan.

“We’re gonna be late. You owe me coffee.” Is all he says when Lawrence looks up at him with a small smile, laced with concern (and maybe just a touch of hope). He smiles wider at the nod Lawrence gives him.

When they get into the office, he offers James a smile- but before anyone can say anything he’s at his desk, in full work mode.

This goes on for a couple of days. Him only speaking to them when he had a work related question, (and in the case with Bruce- anything rent/needing food related). And eventually- slowly- he starts to chime into their weird conversations.

Elyse joins the team and he wants to dislike her. To hate her even. But he can’t.

She’s amazing and he’s glad they all have someone like her.

[He wishes he had someone like her.]

No one brings up their relationship, and he’s silently glad for it. Even if he has caught them all playing grab-hand or sharing what they think are ‘secret’ kisses. (He ignores the pit of something he’s identified as ‘jealousy’ in his stomach- whenever he sees them).

It’s a boring Tuesday, when the office trembles a bit. It shakes his bobble head off the shelf behind him, and it flickers the power out momentarily- but it’s nothing major. (There are groans throughout the office at the loss of power- and therefore loss of unsaved work).

After a moment, almost everyone laughs it off. The lights and their computers coming back to the life. Everything seems undisturbed and normal. But he notices the way Sean hasn’t chimed in, no joke coming from the youngest corner of the room. He stands up from his seat at his desk and can see the white knuckles clutching the edge of the desk, and he drops his headphones onto the table with a soft ‘thud’ and moves quickly- he knows he’s gained some attention but he’s more concerned with the other male at the moment.

He stands to the side of Sean’s desk for a beat before gently calling out his name,

“Sean?” Being up close he can see the gentle tremor in Sean’s shoulders and the way his chest isn’t moving rhythmically like it should be. He can feel everyone now looking this way, he hears Lawrence and Adam both stand up in tandem.

He opens his mouth to call for him again, but a fire truck wails past the open window and it gathers the youngers attention.

“I don’t...I didn’t...I’m s-sorry.” He’s stuttering and it’s like Sean is trying to look at him but is more so looking through him. And, as true to his character, he acts without really thinking.

He gently pries Sean’s hands off the desk, and places them into his own. He crouches in front of him and offers the more sincere smile he can.

“No need to apologize.” He rubs the back of Sean’s hands with his thumbs, and not-so subtlety takes a deep breath (he’s grateful when Sean starts to mimic him). Sean still looks so scared and childlike that he can’t bring himself to walk away.

“Wanna sit with me on the couch? Maybe do a Reddit AMA?” He knows he’s said the right thing when Sean manages to actually look at him and gives a small nod.

(He also can see out of his peripheral vision, how everyone else seems to take a deep breath and relax again).

[Sean doesn’t let go of one of his hands the entire time they’re on the couch].

They all head out to go to Austin for RTX. They leave a week and half early, to record with Achievement Hunter and to be on the podcast. The flight out to Austin is pretty uneventful (minus the fact he hates flying and feels like he has a 2 hour long panic attack). By the time they get in the sky is dark, and there’s thunder in the distance and he feels some of the stress in his shoulders go.

He really does love Austin.

When they get to the hotel, they all take their room keys- he grabs the ones for Sean and him. He gives the spare to Joel- just in case and they all trudge upstairs, everyone being basically dead on their feet, and Matt unlocks the door and let’s Sean go in first and he doesn’t miss the squeak from the other man.

“Uh. There’s only one bed.” Is his oh-so-helpful observation, and he hears Sean’s laugh before he turned serious again,

“Do you mind? If you do I can go find one of the other guys…” And Sean looks so flustered it makes his heart do a flip and he somehow manages to say,

“It’s all good. This benefits me. You’re always warm, so I won’t have to break the heater trying to stay warm.” And he knows again he’s said the right thing because Sean laughs and mumbles something about ‘last time’.

[He throws a pillow at Sean for that.

“ Let bygones be bygones !”]

[They stay up watching movies, and ordering room service. He’s really glad they don’t have to go to work tomorrow.]

[[They fall asleep before he can really process that he’s in a bed]].

He wakes up to the sound of the door unlocking, followed by Joel singing and Bruce’s wheezing. It’s a moment later that he wakes up enough to realize he’s cuddling Sean. Moreso, spooning him. He’s got one arm tucked under Sean’s pillow and and other wrapped around the younger's waist. They’re both facing away from the door, and he opens his eyes just enough to see the sun gently falling in from the window and onto the bed right in front of Sean.

“Well.” Joel says, standing at the front of bed, and he looks at him with wide eyes.

“I didn’t-” He starts and goes to move but is caught off by Seans whine and the motion of Sean rolling over and grabbing the front of his shirt.

“It’s too early for this shit.” Sean says, and he wants to laugh- but he just got caught accidently cuddling with his best friends boyfriend.

He and Bruce just have a staring contest for a long moment before the sound of Joel’s phone camera snaps him out of it.

“The boys are gonna love thi-” And he wants to tell Joel ‘no’ but again Sean cuts him off before he can even begin speaking. Sean’s hands retwisting in the grab of the front of his shirt.

“Do you have scars on your chest?”

“Haven’t Adam or Bruce told you?” He looks up from Sean to Bruce where the other is offering what seems to be a sad-tired smile.

“No one outside of Adam and I know. We’ll never tell anyone unless you give up explicit permission to.” Bruce answers and it’s too early for this shit. Much too early for this, and is the room getting smaller or is it just him? And man he jokes about being too cold, but he’s freezing and what day is it because he can’t remember. And they never told anyone? He assumed they would have. Why didn’t they? And what was his hotel room number? Man, has Joel always been so tall? They didn’t tell anyone?

“You gotta breathe, babes.” Joel is crouched in front of him now, and oh he’s not curled up with Sean anymore, he’s instead now pressed against the headboard. Bruce is off to the side of him, hands outstretched and all his mind can think is

‘Bruce is safe. Bruce is safe. Bruce is safe.’

He ends up kind of just throwing himself into Bruce’s chest, he doesn’t really know how long he stays there, just rambling and letting Bruce hold him- but it’s long enough to where everyone else shows up, having wondered why the fuck they didn’t show up to breakfast.

“I’m really sorry. I’m sorry.” And he doesn’t know if he’s apologizing for cuddling Sean, or being a dick, or clinging to Bruce- all he knows is he’s sorry.

“No one is upset with you.” Is all Adam says, sitting beside them, rubbing his back. For some reason the gesture stirs something up in him.

“I missed you.” He doesn’t know why he says it- he blames the fact his brain is overdrive, despite being awake for an hour (at most), “I really miss you and I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” And it’s an innocent question, from James who is now sitting on the other end of the bed. (He doesn’t see the confused look everyone shoots James, and the gesture James gives back as a ‘lets see’.)

“I..I’m just sorry for everything.” And great now he’s crying. He’s crying into his boss/roommate/friends chest, while all of his co-workers/friends watch. And he can’t stop himself from rambling everything he’s been trying to ignore.

“I’m really sorry I made you guys feel like you had to hide your relationship from me. And I’m sorry for being jealous, I’m trying not to be. I’m really sorry for being so wrong. Different. I’m sorry for not being more. And I’m sorry for cuddling your boyfriend, I didn’t mean too- I swear. I’m really sorry, it just happened. And I’m sorry for freaking out, a lot just happened at once. And- and I just assumed you told everyone, and you hadn’t.” At the last statement he picks his head up and looks between Adam and Bruce- both of which have sandwiched him between them. And he feels his stomach hit the floor at the sight of Adam, his wonderful Adam, silently letting tears drip down his face- even if he is smiling.

“I’m sorr-” And he never gets to finish the sentence because Adam just grabs his face and kisses him. Just like their first kiss- him being mid-sentence and all. And, again, just like their first kiss- the world stops spinning out of orbit and he’s grounded. (He is however aware that he is still basically sitting in Bruce’s lap- but he can’t bring himself to care).

When Adam pulls away- with a soft smile on his face, all he can really manage to say is a very quiet,

“What?”

“We kind of love you, you idiot.” Is James’ helpful explanation, and suddenly the tense air is gone and they’re all laughing.

They end up order room service again, everyone finding a way to cram into the room (most of them on the bed)- and he tells them. He tells them the entire tale, from finding the definition to the fact he hasn’t slept in a real bed in nearly 7 months. He tells them details even Adam hadn’t heard before. Tells them about his aunt, and his surgery- he explains what dysphoria is and he explains what taking hormones is like. And by the end of it, everyone is nibbling away on the last bites of food in silence.

“I wasn’t kidding you know. We all do kind of love you.” James says, and it breaks the silence, “We’ve been flirting for months but that apparently doesn’t work. Because we make you share a room with the one person who swoons over you like a teenage girl and all it did was give you a panic attack.”

It’s the way James’ says it, lazy and confident that makes them laugh.

“Well,” He swallows his mouthful of food and looks up with a smile, “I, guess, love you guys, too.”

They wait until they get back to L.A. to go on a date, and it takes a while to figure one out but they do eventually and it’s amazing.

It’s at Joel’s apartment, they play the High School Musical drinking game, and have an amazing home cooked meal- made by Lawrence and Elyse and he’s finds himself properly relaxing- for what feels like the first time in years.

Somehow the fanbase finds out, and he has a bit of a meltdown. An understandable thing to experience when suddenly all of your social media is flooded with comments and that name . He actually ends up having to have Adam (and Elyse) drive him home, while Bruce does damage control. (Lawrence will tell him later, that someone on Reddit had been looking up their birth certificates at their job and stumbled across his).

Adam and Elyse both just cradle him as he shakes, he clings to them. He rambles as he explains what hearing that name does to him- and they both just listen, nodding and offering whatever help they can provide.

Within a week, it’s back to normal. There are still one or two comments here and there but for the most part it goes back to normal. He spends all of his time with someone else however, mostly per Adam and Bruce’s request- both of them knowing him too well, that knowing if he was alone long enough he’d backtrack real bad. (He can’t even be mad at that).

RTX Sydney comes around and it’s in the middle of the Dude Soup podcast (panel?) that someone asks ‘ Rebecca-’ and before he can even reply, Bruce is standing up (along with Elyse and Lawrence), looking pissed and almost snarling into the microphone,

“His name is Matt, motherfucker.”

[That night they push the two queen size beds in their hotel room together, and Matt doesn’t feel any guilt about sleeping in the bed surrounded by his lovers].

After they get back to LA his dad calls him to sort through his childhood relics and he finds his old computer- adding it into the bin of things to keep.

Later, he’ll open it and navigate back to the once secret bookmark and smile at it while he listens to his boyfriends argue over which Halo was better. And he’ll close to the page, without feeling like he’s lost anything.

trans·gen·der

transˈjendər,tranzˈjendər/

adjective

denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.

#shiphaus #peakovic #shiphausot8 #OT8 #posted it to the wrong blog for a second woops #my fic

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fantasysuiteleague · 7 years

Text

Week 4: Ex Mates and Shitty Dates

We annoyingly pick back up at the end of the pool party to see that the girls have not yet realized they are stuck in a shitty West World loop where they sit around and complain about Corinne, assuming Nick is “better than this,” without yet realizing that he doesn’t actually care about any of them and their feelings do not matter. A few feet away Nick is being scolded by Vanessa, which obviously scares him as he more or less begs her to “be patient” while he continues to make a fool out of himself and the rest of the women. Corinne is sleeping off-camera, uninterested in Nick’s transparent speech about how he appreciates everyone’s *openness* yet, somehow, still feels like he’s “making the right decisions.”

Jasmine provides a flabbergasted in-camera realization that Corinne doesn’t even have a rose and yet is so confident in her *connection* with Nick that she has yet again opted-out of participating. Eventually Taylor and Sarah take it upon themselves to let Corinne know that her shit “hasn’t looked the best,” which is like telling Trump that he’s “sort of unpopular.” After Sarah tells Corinne that she needs to pull it together because she’s embarrassing her parents and coming off super entitled, Corinne offers up the alternative fact that she is not privileged.

After this unsurprisingly ineffective *confrontation,* Corinne goes on to “wonder” why Sarah and Taylor are so obsessed with her. And by “wonder,” I mean very knowingly point out that, much like our old pal Chad, she has taken up an enormous amount of real estate in everyone’s brain, and is there to stay whether they like it or not. She’s the only thing that the girls are talking about; she’s getting the most attention from me and everyone else watching; even Chris Harrison pulls Nick aside before the rose ceremony to talk about her. But then again, this was her plan the entire time. And it’s one we’ve seen before from the OG villain Courtney Robertson. Get on the show and be obnoxiously sexual with the Bachelor while simultaneously being insensitive, irrational and offensive to the girls, and then start saying ridiculous shit like “I love the taste of victory” or “we’re fighting for a fiancé, not a pickle.” And why not take this route (besides all the obvious reasons like, for example, your future) when it leads to maximum screen time and your name in lights for a few extra minutes?

Home Sweet Home

“Get ready to travel around the world! Starting with .... Milwaukee, Wisconsin!!” While the girls feign excitement over flying from California to Wisconsin, we get a head with Nick and meet up with his parents in a quaint little diner in Waukesha, Wisconsin. Within the first 23 seconds of being on-screen (yes, I counted), Nick’s mom is crying. I mean, I would be too if this were my son, but come ON lady do you not have any other tricks in those bags under your eyes? As it turns out, no, she does not. Nick spends his time with his weepy mother and beta father explaining that he has finally lowered his guard and thinks he can find love this time. Now if you’re me you might have stopped and said “wait, what guard?!” before remembering the guard that kept him from going on this show and trying to propose to someone not once, but twice. Yeah, that “guard.”

Giggles and Girlfriends

After meeting up with the girls in the park, Nick whisks Danielle L. away for a date consisting of walking around town like “normal people.” As this date goes on and they force awkward conversations about nothing, I start to notice that Danielle L. giggles literally every time she opens her mouth to speak. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’s just nervous, but I’m a cynical asshole, so I’m pretty sure she just doesn’t have much of a personality and it’s the only way she knows how to feign interest. At one point when they’re strolling down the street they walk past a cafe and just so happen to run into one of Nick’s ex-girlfriends whom he dated some undisclosed amount of time ago. Interestingly enough, I know someone who indirectly knows this girl. Turns out this girl hasn’t spoken to Nick for over 10 years and she is happily married with two kids. One day she got a call from the producers who offered her cash to come on the show and “surprise” Nick in this scene. They told her what to say about Nick, she was handed her money, and went on her merry way.

Later that night Danielle continues to giggle while just barely keeping her nipples in her dress. She gives the whole my-parents-got-divorced-so-I’m-more-mature-than-most-24-year-olds speech, and tries to spin her lack of knowledge about Nick as wanting to be open-minded. It’s all pretty transparent, seeing as she was 100% recruited to be on this show and has no intention of marrying Nick. Then again, does anyone? And if so, we should probably get them some help.

America’s Dairyland

Obviously all of the girls would rather be in a spa eating a taco, Corinne, but you can’t get to Bachelor in Paradise without going on at least 1-2 terrible group dates. So even though Nick has clearly never been to a farm, he and the girls get to do some farm chores because Wisconsin is famous for cheese and this was the most creative the writers could get. Even more creative is the main storyline for this group date: Corinne and her unwillingness to do any chores. We get a little comical relief at the expense of Jaimi’s sexuality when Nick can’t manage to work the teat so Jaimi the resident bisexual has to come in and show him how its done, but even this feels lazy. After we’re treated to extensive footage of the girls shoveling cow shit, Corinne decides to take a seat away from the action because her fingers hurt....

Later that night, Astrid starts to gain sentience as she asks “how many more group conversations are we going to have about Corinne?” finally realizing they are all stuck in a loop and that maybe, just maybe, none of this matters. As the girls continue on their loop, Corinne listens from just outside the room and decides its time to take action. She starts by recycling an old Bachelor gag by comparing herself to a vegetable and then aggressively grabs her chest, demanding to know if THIS behavior is immature. And in this moment, she pushes it too far. I’m not laughing anymore because this is tired and transparent, and I feel insulted that she (and the producers) think that this dog and pony show is entertaining. I mean, yes, it’s entertaining but COME ON. It’s been done before.

With some encouragement from the producers, Corinne decides to present herself to the group for a hearing on the reality of her immaturity. Unfortunately, Sarah is the senator chose to question Corinne’s intentions for the group and she blows it. Instead of attacking Corinne’s disingenuously shitty character, she decides to focus on Corinne’s rose ceremony nap. Sensing weakness, Corinne pounces and goes on and on about how SORRY she is for taking a nap, knowing full well that the girls’ issues are larger than her one nap. The only person we see really getting under Corinne’s skin is Kristina, the Russian spy who ultimately wins the night. Earlier Kristina stole Nick first and had a great chat about how she wants to tell him all about her past as a Russian oligarch’s daughter who almost died in a bus crash but then was rendered blind until she was pistol whipped by her captive 20 years later, but doesn’t ever seem to have much time with him because he’s dating 25 other women. Feeling invigorated by Nick telling her that he loves her “zest for life,” Kristina hits Corinne with a “right reasons” accusation and barely lets Corinne get a word in as she brushes off her false claim of having a “medical condition” that kept her from participating in the rose ceremony. After confusing Corinne with her broken English and calling her out for lying about a panic attack, Corinne gives up and walks away. Kristina ends up getting the group date rose for the night, putting the cherry on top of the first successful Corinne Confrontation of the season.

That’s So Raven

Raven drew the short straw this week by getting the “realistic and meaningful” date with Nick which includes going to Bella’s soccer game with Nick and his parents. Unsubscribe. Having played soccer all my life, there is nothing worse than watching young girls play the sport. Nick’s mom shockingly manages to make it through her 1 minute of screen time without crying. After the soccer game, Bella and the gang opt-out of showering and instead go to the local indoor skating rink where Nick shows off his super cool skating moves and makes out with Raven in front of his parents and sister. Later that night Raven tells Nick a tale as old as time about this one time she caught her boyfriend cheating on her. But it’s not your average I-walked-in-on-him story. Instead, she purportedly got a call from a friend who said that some girl was about to fuck her boyfriend, prompting her to get in her car and drive to Arkansas to confront him. When she gets there, the bedroom door is obviously locked (even though she was out of town so he had nothing to hide?) so she KICKS IT OPEN to see her boyfriend thrusting into a stranger’s vagina.

She proceeds to launch herself at them, scratching her boyfriend and beating him over the head with a shoe. The best part about this entire story is the low key demeanor in which she tells it -- as if all of this is normal everyday life and not something resembling a scene from Jerry Springer.

Roses are Rude

Despite having a rose, Danielle L. breaks the cardinal rule of cocktail parties and steals Nick away to have a one-sided nonsensical conversation about how she’s just gonna “go for it” and “put herself out there.” This awkward conversation is made even more awkward by resident know-it-all Taylor who interrupts them by just standing next to the bench and not saying anything. While Taylor and other girls get their time with Nick, Corinne is busy inhaling apps and talking to Josephine with her mouth full about how gross Taylor is...lol. Josephine, having clearly figured out that the best way to get screen time is to be the Karen Smith to Corinne’s Regina George, agrees with Corinne and points out that everyone has been talking about Corinne behind her back...except her.

After bulking up, Corinne decides she’s not going to be fake so grabs Taylor by the hand like they’re pals and leads her outside to confront her about how "disgusting” Taylor’s behavior towards her has been. Taylor one again does an incredibly good job of calmly trying to explain to Corinne why she’s terrible, but because Corinne is a child, she locks on to one word--intelligent--and starting shouting that she’s not stupid. Well, it’s pretty clear that in a lot of ways Corinne is a stupid little girl who has no business “running” a multi-million dollar company or marrying a 36-year-old, but I also recognize that she set this up herself to guarantee more screen time, so it’s not completely accurate to call her unintelligent. Taylor hasn’t yet figured out that you can’t rationalize with an irrational person, and so we’re left with a “to be continued” even though, thanks to past seasons and the guarantee that Nick will never do the right thing, we know exactly how this will end.

Did you notice . . .

We are not impressed by your use of the word “plethora,” Taylor.

Nick definitely gets his limp dick from his dad.

“Everything is good now and everything is great in the world.” Lol just wait until November, Raven.

I find it incredibly hard to believe that Danielle L. didn’t have her first kiss until she was 17. I had an afro 1/2 of my childhood and still was able to find a boy to make out with in 5th grade. Sure, he ended up becoming a druggie, dropping out of high school, and allegedly having an affair with my old drama teacher (who later got fired for embezzling school funds), but that’s not the point.

Raven shows up to the date with noticeably longer hair than she’s had at any point in the season. If you’re going to rock some wack extensions, you gotta rock them the whole time girl.

Alexis’s biggest fears are Nicolas Cage and aliens. Same, tbh. It’s pretty clear that Alexis is sticking around because she’s hilarious and easy to talk to. She really deserves more screen time.

I’m just going to leave THIS right here .... you’re welcome.

Minority Report: I think we’ve set a record for number of black girls (3) to make it past week 4!! I’m not sure how much longer we have Jasmine or Jamimi, but I’m still holding out hope that Rachel is able to overcome her *disability* of being a black girl on the Bachelor and make it to the top 4.

#thebachelor #bachelorabc #chris harrison #the final rose #nick viall #fantasysuiteleague #bachelor recap

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geek-gem · 6 years

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Riverdale Season 2 Episode 5

So it just turned 9:02 pm it was 01 and just.....okay wow seeing this. Spoilers will be mentioned. Also stalled on the submit thing three times or some shit and looked up the last Riverdale thing I posted of which episode this is.

But just wow holy crap man. Honestly before the final part of the episode. I at least found something funny from a post I'll reblog well it's a gif after this or just have other stuff spoilerish for a video game Sonic Forces possibly.

Yet just again holy crap.

I'm gonna be rambling here. For some reason after hearing the quote carve her like a Jack O Lantern is something that stuck with me before the commercials aired. Including me just quoting it I mean God damn. I've heard threats similar to that but holy fuck almost left the word duck typos and shit even almost left shot okay as shot see mistakes.

I mean just holy crap yes this series shows drama and I care about the characters but oh my God. I'm just......

Including so Betty is being called by the Black Hood to do some shit. Such as embarrass her mother. Along with trying to have her cut her friends out of her life.

Then also just Jughead trying to become one of the Serpents now. Basically to try to make sure they don't do crazy shit. Okay I'm gonna sound stupid I was thinking oh my God are they gonna have him be bit by a snake. Really I mean it sounds stupid but that GI Joe movie from years ago got me thinking. It's insane but first taking care of this cute dog who's the third honestly.

Turns out holy fuck their is a snake involved. But also learn the laws too. Yet theirs a actual fucking snake involved. Seriously I was going ahhh or just I was in fear or something. I mean just seeing that shit. Seriously I was going back seeing that and the idea that Jughead has to fucking put his hand in a God damn case and pull this knife without getting bit or just.....okay theirs some cures right just also still that serpent shit. Including I thought the bandages were protection but no their from the dog. Just also okay it's called the Gauntlet he hasn't done it yet probably I just don't know oh my God.

I mean just I was thinking of stuff that I'm gonna type in here and what to type in here too.

Including a guy from Veronica's past a old boyfriend with his parents. Honestly at first I'm thinking is this to include drama for Archie he's getting jealous and protective as all fuck. Also Cheryl gets involved this Nick I can't spell his other name right but just okay Nicolas is that okay. Or just no I'm typing it wrong. Is he planning something with Cheryl almost put Veronica's name.

Okay also the end or just before the end just seriously. So Josie and the Pussycats playing and remembered something. But just their playing and singing in front of a party.

Also I seriously went OH SHIT at the sight of Alice in this dress and wondered who's that is that and just my God.

Including remembered seriously was thinking Romeo And Juilet however it's fucking spelt but the romance between Jughead and Betty better then that shit. Betty then references that story but says but with a happy oh my God yes Betty good shit.

I'll also mention the thing I wanted to say when I was gonna talk about the song they mentioned Gal Gadot and Cheryl getting really bothered possibly offended by Archie getting her last name wrong. I'm just honestly shouldn't be bothered and also they referenced Suicide Squad in the 2nd episode of the series but I just thought of a joke the 2nd part mainly but thought of the next one I'll put first.

Jughead: hey Archie

Archie: what is it Jughead(just what Jughead sounded rude)

Jughead: Superman died

Archie: WHAT NOOOOO *goes into a sad state*

That was referencing Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice sorry for spoilers almost left the word steel. Including forgot to put referencing beside Jughead's 2nd line but meh.

Including a God damn Justice League just came on and passed which just popped in time for this joke I've been wanting to make

*after the events of Justice League*

Jughead: hey Archie

Archie: what is it Jughead

Jughead: Superman came back to life

Archie: WHAT YESSSSSSS *tears off shirt revealing Superman shirt* YESSSSSSSSS HA HA *cries tears of joy*

Okay stupid shit. But back to this part basically when the music's going on the song and all this shit is happening.

So we have the main four okay Archie not much yet remembered Veronica is part of what happens with the other three. But as a group is why I forgot a bit no offense non taken.

Oh wait yeah it's Betty I mean just okay the other one but the two most major ones are Veronica and Jughead almost put Betty's name instead of Veronica my head thought that. Basically everyone's going through shit man.

After being pissed off that Archie told him Betty wants to break up with him. Also one of the Black Hood's demands. Jughead is totally in to become a serpent and he gets the shit beat out of him. Even with that one guy who's hates Archie and fought with him. Including took the first punch by Archie. He seriously punches Jughead on the left side of his head with brass knuckles holy crap. Yet Jughead gets back up I think it was that part he says is that all you got and the Serpents accept him. Or basically the guy puts out a hand as a welcomed gesture. Okay will mention this kiss Toni just and people were worried of this before the season aired and was gonna talk about the next thing. I think I want ahhhh or some shit forgot.

Then we have Nicolas and Cheryl including Nicolas puts something in Cheryl's drink the fuck they drinking it can't be wine hope not or shit. Seriously I was thinking okay what are they gonna do. Including I thought I heard Nicolas threatening Veronica of fucking up this partnership between their families and shit.....

Turns out umm wow and if I am thinking this right.

Well........ Cheryl is almost raped.

I mean Jesus I was surprised by the sight of just wait or something just is he gonna oh my or just..... seriously and luckily Veronica and the Pussycats basically save the day by beating the shit out of him. I mean Jesus Christ and for some stupid reason thought is he the Black Hood his eye color is different and okay not the description.

Including everyone knows even Archie, and Betty who well okay I'll talk about this now.

Wanting to know who the Black Hood is she wants to know after meeting his demands three of them or some shit. He asks her to go a old house. Where just oh my God I was terrified of just worrying for Betty.

So turns out he leaves a gift for her okay I seriously thought is he gonna show himself. The gift is a ski mask he asks her to turn around to look in a mirror saying they are the same. Then theirs a sound and Betty runs the fuck out of there.

Why the fuck was I thinking is he gonna kill her. Seriously I was that concerned for a character I like. Including I thought is the gift gonna be a picture, some weird nun hat or scraff I can't spell shit. Hey I was guessing and just this stupid idea of long lost brother. Okay I'm sounding stupid. I was thinking all kinds of shit. But the fact he said it's a face she knows oh my God and I'm like who. Including I assumed it was some guy who just now appeared on the show and will talk about him again. Including I thought no can't be him.

Yet back to the thing with Cheryl and her saying Archie doesn't need his cape. Okay to be honest that DCEU joke and I like it quite a bit honestly I've talked about it. Why do I feel Archie would love the fuck out of Superman like as a fan, a role model. Also the idea of Riverdale existing in the same universe as the DCEU what just my stupid head hate the c word. Yet maybe it could just still....some shit I haven't watched Suicide Squad been thinking Friday maybe.

Then we have the ending where the Black Hood calls again and turns out he knows about Betty telling Archie. I'll mention this joke and other thing later. Basically threatening that she will kill the rest of her family she has to pick a well...sinner or someone who has done bad shit. She chooses Nicolas and the Black Hood mentions about how their the same.

Honestly.... really considering what the guy did and what he was about to do to Cheryl. Listen Cheryl may be an asshole but holy crap that shit I saw was about to happen. I question I wonder what the fuck they gonna do with him now. Including surprised they didn't say the word rape maybe next episode hopefully.

So in a way good choice Betty you picked a possibly well yeah shitty human being that sucks. Despite you'll question your own moral and possibly be responsible for a taking a life in a way if the guy does die or gets protection from police. Honestly I just...don't know the fuck.

Including just this got very long. Because seriously yeah me explaining the episode yet just overreacting or just seriously I hope the folks I'm gonna forget the funny shit I mention I'm gonna reblog shit actually of this show again don't judge me.

But also.... really I'm surprised well texting. I understand of trying to keep it a secret. Yet this idea okay she breaks up with her friends but she secretly texts them first hey the Black Hood is demending me to not be friends with you anymore. So don't tell anyone and pretend we aren't friends anymore. Yet considering well he must of been watching said creep in my head but also this crazy idea just....can someone hack texts honestly possible.

A call between Betty and the Black Hood right now.

Black Hood: hey Betty

Betty: what

Black Hood: you've been telling people about our conversations that's not just Archie

Betty: what

Black Hood: don't play dumb with me I've been watching you yet also been checking your texts you've been texting back and forth about pretending to not be their friends anymore

Betty:.....okay I'm sorry how the fuck can you see my texts

Black Hood: I CAN HACK YOUR SHIT GIRL NOW IM GONNA SHAKE YOUR INCEST PREGNANT OF A STUPID UNLESS YOU PICK A SINNER FOR ME TO KILL NOW

That was basically my well funny interpretation of that bullcrap. Including when making that final part that Direct TV DCEU thing commerical went on nice because I talked about the DCEU in here. Also just...he could check the phone behind her back or anyone elses. Including was thinking Betty always has her phone and thinking the others too.

But just holy crap that episode was insane said weak in my head no please head. Almost put but again yet that was insane that drama. Including remember the promo for the next episode.

Including the music for the promo is the music for the Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice Ultimate Edition trailer one of them. Almost put including again but I thought before this and now well when writing about this stuff. Does that answer more of my DCEU Riverdale stuff said yes in my head man and nope now stop it.

Basically even during this seeing the episode I'm like okay where's the Helghast, the Chimera, or even Doomguy or Superman I'm being silly and also where's Sapphira The Teenage Witch if she ever appears. From what I remember they mentioned her and yes I know of her too.

I'm just rambling I liked the episode. Including this random insane idea and theory that Sheriff Keller is the killer. Check his eyes and Keller killer just retyped that because I chose the word.

Got tags done and it's 10:02 pm ridiculousness is on and looked mtv1 just sorry rambled lol 10:03

#riverdale spoilers #riverdale

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