#and quinn finally being genuine in her affirmation
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the suicide squad high school AU
Thank you @psychicmewhealer for making this w/ me, also neither of us are gonna write this so feel free to steal all these ideas
Prologue: Robert DuBois (sophomore) narrowly passes his classes, but his real passion lies in sports. He looks up to Christopher Smith (senior), captain of the basketball team. Chris catches on and offers to mentor Robert. The two develop a close relationship; when the two become romantically involved, Robert thinks it’s genuine, but Chris actually just wants to use Robert’s prowess to maintain his legacy of best athlete at the school once he graduates. Robert basically worships Chris so he tells himself all the toxic stuff Chris does is justified. Chris attributes all Robert’s athletic prowess to himself and all his flaws to Robert’s inadequacy. For some reason (still working this out), Chris dumps him and tells him he was never worthy of this mentorship.
The fic starts a few weeks after the breakup. Robert’s toxic relationship with Chris leaves him feeling unworthy, inadequate, and depressed. Outside of Robert he never had any social life, so he’s lonely too. His sports performance is suffering, and his grades are edging into failing territory. That last point leads to the intervention of one Principal Amanda Waller. She sets him up with Richard Flag, the overachieving straight-A student that heads the student mentorship program.
Over the course of the fic Rick and Robert sort through their issues, fall in love, set up a whole-ass friend group (the Suicide Squad, duh) and everybody in that friend group has to sort out their issues.
Harley Quinn just broke up with Mister J (her name for a student whose name starts with a J, class clown, high on the social ladder. maybe the drama teacher, and that’s why she calls him Mr. J?) She broke up with him after a fight, but he basically gaslit her into believing she’s the worst, all good parts of her come from him, all bad parts come from herself, she’s best when she plays down how smart she is, ‘cause dumb girls are sexier, etc. (Robert has to come to terms with the parallels between Mr. J’s treatment of Harley and Chris’s treatment of him, and Rick has to affirm that he is worthy of love.) Harley has to learn how to come into her own, not be afraid to be her AP-Psych-nerdy self, and finally ask out that girl she’s always wanted to talk to.
That girl being the lonely Pamela “Ivy” Isley. She doesn’t think she clicks with people, instead spending her time in the school’s biology classroom, where she can take care of the plants and talk about biochemistry and environmental science with her teachers. She thinks Harley is way too pretty and cool for her, an impostor, to even approach, and she’s extremely flustered when Harley finally talks to her. So she has to get over her social anxiety & realize she can Be Herself yay (also poison ivy is harley’s pet name for her)
Abner Krill is the emo kid who sits in the corner with earbuds and a dark grey hoodie. His parents are divorced, and he lives with his anti-vaxx helicopter mom. He’s accepted that his body isn’t his own. His journey is about building the courage to get vaccinated, and by proxy, forging his own path, identity, and fortitude. Because the needle from each vaccine leaves a dot in his arm, he makes a code with his friends where he calls vaccines “polka-dots” in text messages, and takes a break from his grey/black monochrome T-shirts to wear a polka-dotted polo on the days he sneaks to the health clinic to get vaccinated. (or maybe the day after, like as a victory shirt for his friends to understand?)
Milton lives near a health clinic, so Abner convinces Milton to drive him to get his vaccines. Having just immigrated from Corto Maltese with his family, Milton is rather shy and self-conscious about his fish-out-of-water status, but quickly develops a rapport with Abner; he respects his courage and falls in love with his dorky weirdness and sweetness, So Milton and Abner obviously fall in love and have to get past their shyness and lack of self-confidence to Get A Room™
Nanaue is a surfer dude who is genuinely just a really caring guy but the other jocks don’t extend their empathy to him? so he doesn’t have any friends on the sports side of things, and he’s definitely struggling academically. he has to accept friendship from others and find out that he is loved (ik this one is bad please help)
Cleo Cazo has rejected humanity as a species. Recently, her father died, and her grief-stricken mother can’t provide adequate emotional support. She processes her grief sitting in the corner of the cafeteria with the rats, her father’s favorite animal. She has developed a rapport with one rat in particular, called Sebastian. She must develop nourishing relationships with humans (not to the exclusion of rats ofc), process her grief, understand that she is not alone, and make everybody best friends with Sebastian.
Once the friend group has warmed up to one another (so, lots of character development later), Rick invites everyone to a sleepover at his house. His parents are out on business trips, and even the kids whose home lives aren’t abysmal are eager, if nervous, to spend time together in a youthful, carefree setting. This allows for lots of cutesy fluff (they make cookies in the kitchen, Harley and Ivy feed each other cookies like the gay people they are, couples cuddling @ night, etc) but also angst. Because Rick has been silent about his home life, and literally being at his house forces the friend group to be more open about himself. His parents tell him off sternly when he gets bad grades and otherwise emotionally neglect him. He’s really an academic overachiever because of his parents’ expectations. He feels like his problems aren’t worth talking about because “everyone else has it off worse.” With the help of his friends (especially Robert), he learns it’s okay to let himself be dissatisfied. He can set up boundaries; he doesn’t have to hold the weight of all his schoolwork and his friends’ problems on his shoulders to be worthy.
It probably ends with Harley throwing a party with lots of food and sloppy makeout sessions between the couples <3
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Pride month has come and gone, but we are still here
Gif credit: @bisexualdonatello
I don’t talk about it very often (mostly because I am not officially out) but I’m bisexual. I am attracted to those who identify as my own gender (female) and those who identify as an opposing gender. It has taken a few years of rationalizing and actually sitting with myself to come to accept this. In fact, very recently I had contemplated the legitimacy of my sexuality again. This is due to a few things: I have never had a relationship of any kind, I live in a conservative community, and I am still learning about the terminology and culture that comes from the LGBTQA+ community as a whole. Popular media—visual media specifically—has been a great influence in this regard. The older I got, the more access I had. The more access I had, the more I was able to learn. I grew to have a better understanding of the world around me and could explain how and why the media I consumed resonated with me personally. It took a while, but this is how I got here:
Bi Awakening (Film)
It was the late 00′s when I saw Van Helsing for the first time. I was immediately hooked. It has all the things I loved and still love to this day: monsters, a gothic aesthetic, an anti-hero with a heart of gold, bad-ass women who are immaculately dressed and fight hard, and a tragic ending. I had always been interested in Hugh Jackman ever since I watched him play Wolverine in the X-Men films. This character was what did it for me. Van Helsing was brave yet troubled. He had a knack for fighting evil and finding good where others couldn’t see it. This is a character I would daydream about going on long adventures around the world with. After watching the movie several times, my eyes also followed Anna Valerious, played by Kate Beckinsale. She was determined and a fighter through and through. Her skills and her dedication to her family drew me in. I wanted to hug her and fight monsters by her side. Oh, and did I mention they were both highly attractive? Because they are, just look at them, oh my gosh!! I took a while, but I finally admitted to myself that I like both men and women. Despite never acting on these feelings, I felt content with the conclusion I’d come to. This went on for a few years. It wasn’t until this year that I started questioning it all again.
Bi Confusion (YouTube)
I’ve watched my fair share of ContraPoints videos. In her video Shame, Natalie explains how she came to the conclusion that she is a lesbian. Throughout the video she explains how she was in a heterosexual relationship that, while loving and nice, was not fulfilling. She brings up the topic of compulsory heterosexuality, the feelings some women experience due to the norms of our society. I went in search of the “Am I a Lesbian” article mentioned in the video and read through the whole thing in one sitting. I came away from it feeling like I had unlocked some secret. Maybe I had been confused and conditioned all this time. Often my fantasies with women are more detailed and complex than my fantasies with men. That must mean I'd been avoiding one and embracing the other, right? And since I’ve never been in any kind of relationship, maybe I’d just been conditioned to include men in the equation from the start and couldn’t let it go? I had been entertaining a man I’d met online and had felt the relationship was forced on my end. Maybe I’m just not into men? After much consideration, I decided to give the lesbian label a try. That sounds horrible in retrospect, but I did it. I said the word to myself in private. I thought about spending my life pursuing only women. I excluding men from my fantasies. That didn’t last long. It just didn’t fit me. I learned through that exercise that my feelings for one gender don’t outweigh my feelings for another gender. The reason my fantasies vary is because of limited experience, not lack of interest. The reason I cut things off with the guy I’d been speaking with wasn’t because I was a lesbian, but because we just worked better as friends. I wasn’t a lesbian. I had just overthought my feelings. I’m attracted to people, not just their genders.
Bi Confirmation (Video Games)
My first exposure to Resident Evil was through several LP’s on YouTube. I have managed to play through a few games myself, though. The past few years have been really good for the Resident Evil franchise, the most noteworthy additions being the remake editions of Resident Evil 2 & 3. Leon’s a bad-ass super cop who just wants to do the right thing. Claire is an amazing person who cares so much about the people closest to her. Jill’s the most OP character in Resident Evil and just wants to save the world. Carlos is a genuinely good guy who wants to help. These people are heroic, bad-ass, and hot? Excuse me, I need a minute...Basically, I want to be these characters and be with them. I can confidently say that I am bisexual. There are other fictional characters I can point to that I would say affirm my sexuality—Casey Jones and April O’Neil from TMNT, Diana Prince and Steve Trevor from Wonder Woman, Markus from Detroit: Become Human, Harley Quinn from Birds of Prey—but Resident Evil has the most characters I love in a single franchise. When I was questioning my sexuality, I looked at these video game characters I had come to like and realized there was no denying myself. It’s okay to like both. Both is good.
Bi Acceptance (TikTok)
In conclusion, sexuality is weird. You might think you’re a young straight when all of a sudden you realize you find both a dashing monster hunter and a beautiful cursed princess attractive. Then, years later, you might watch a YouTube video that has you questioning yourself all over again, only to realize you are who you though you were after playing a game about fighting zombies. Basically, visual media helped me discover myself. But that’s not the end of it. I’ve found myself on TikTok a lot since the pandemic started. It’s nice seeing people in the LGBTQA+ community having fun and making the most of a shitty situation. I rediscovered Sarah Schauer, which was a nice surprise. Come to find out, she’s bisexual too. Seeing this community band together in times like these has been a heartening experience. So many positive vibes. There may be people out there who say you should only like one or another, or that being in a heterosexual relationship diminishes your sexuality, but those people are wrong. The bottom line is that you cannot tailor how you feel to fit the expectations of others. This post is kind of weird and out of nowhere, and a little very self centered, but I had to get this off my chest. This will likely never be read by anyone. However, if you are reading this and you have had a similarly weird experience, know that you are not alone. You may have just realized your feelings, you may have known for a long time, or you may still be trying to figure things out. That’s okay. Your feelings are valid. Your experience is valid. You are valid.
TL;DR Whenever I am questioning my sexuality I remember Resident Evil and I am at peace. Also through all this I’ve learned I have a type: bad-ass hero with a kind heart.
#bisexual#bisexuality#bi pride#pride#lgbtqa+#personal#fandom#van helsing#contrapoints#resident evil#hannah speaks
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The Perfect Moment: Chapter 6
Summary: When Cyrus is assigned to create a modern re-telling of “Romeo and Juliet” for English class, he decides to produce a movie. His stars, however, may pose some trouble. Will he finish his movie on time?
A/N: This is the second to the last chapter! Thank you so much to everyone who read, liked, and commented!
“I like this shot but the lighting doesn’t look right.”
Cyrus leaned in to peer at the clip T.J. was pointing at on the laptop. The jock was right, the glare was too much. But, it was a really nice shot of T.J. and Buffy at the park. Maybe they could fix it with a filter or adjusting the brightness?
“Add it in and leave me a note, please,” Cyrus said.
“Okay, boss.”
He resisted the urge to blush but flashed the jock a grateful smile before returning his attention to his own laptop.
It had been 3 days of non-stop filming and after each shoot, T.J. would walk him home, stay for a few hours to help him pick out clips and edit, they would do a little homework, then he would have dinner with Cyrus and his family before heading home.
They only had two more scenes to film the next day. Then, Cyrus would finish editing and submit his finished work on Friday. Mr. Spencer said that they would show his film in class and he was half-excited and half-terrified about it. On the one hand, he wanted his work to be seen by people other than his friends but on the other, he was afraid that his classmates would hate it and cast him aside as a social pariah.
No pressure.
“So… we’re almost done, huh?” T.J. randomly said out of nowhere.
Cyrus hummed. “Yeah, time flew by pretty fast. I can’t believe we managed to get here with minimal injury. Though, I think my nose will always remember.”
Both boys chuckled at that. The bruise had faded by now but Cyrus had been embarrassed and even considered sneaking some of his stepmom's concealer to cover it up.
“That’s your battle scar, Underdog,” T.J. replied, nudging his shoulder. “You braved through it.”
Cyrus could feel his ears burning again. “Thank you.” Clearing his throat, he turned away. “Do you want to take a break from this? Maybe we can rehearse your lines?”
T.J. was already closing the laptop and putting it on the coffee table. “Sounds good.”
He picked up the new script beside it while Cyrus dug his copy out of his book bag. He flipped to the end. Folding his legs under him, he turned his body around so he could face the jock.
“I’ll be Quinn,” he stated, fighting a blush.
T.J. mirrored his position and smirked. “Go ahead… Quinn.”
Cyrus tried to ignore the fluttering in his chest. Instead, he looked down at the script and began to read.
“We need to talk,” he said, getting in the role of Quinn.
As Logan, T.J. nodded, solemnly
“I think it’s best that we stop seeing each other.”
“What? Why?”
“Logan…” Cyrus sighed. “We’ve hurt our team and ourselves, quite literally. The more we keep pushing our relationship, the more we’ll hurt everyone around us.”
“They’re going to accept us. They have to.”
“It’s not about acceptance. It’s about us just… losing ourselves in this thing we think is love.”
T.J. waited a few beats and, in a soft voice, said, “Don’t you love me?”
Cyrus swallowed. “I do…”
“But, you don’t want to be with me anymore?”
“I…just need space and time. And I think you do, too.”
T.J. grabbed Cyrus’ hand (he tried not to jump because T.J. was simply playing a role). “But, I love you.”
Cyrus hesitated before reaching out to place a hand on T.J.’s cheek. “I love you, too. But, it doesn’t mean that we’re meant to be. At least, not right now. I’m sorry, Logan.”
“Quinn…”
They waited a few beats before Cyrus smiled. “That was great, Teej!”
T.J. beamed, squeezing Cyrus’ hand (which he just realized the jock never let go of).
“Buffy is supposed to pull her hand away after that,” T.J. replied.
“Y-Yeah.”
Cyrus dropped his hand from T.J.’s cheek but the latter still didn’t release his hand. The jock’s hand was much bigger than his and kind of rough from all the sports he did.
“So… um… what do you think of the ending?” he asked.
T.J. pursed his lips. “It’s kinda sad. After going through a lot to be together… just to have it end like that…” His thumb absentmindedly stroked Cyrus’ knuckles. “it’s not death, but it’s still pretty…”
He trailed off.
“Tragic?” Cyrus supplied.
“Yeah. It’s tragic. But, I guess it happens?” He turned on his seat (still holding Cyrus’ hand) and leaned back against the couch. “I can’t imagine saying that I’m so in love with someone and just giving up on them like that.”
Cyrus followed his move. “It’s not like Quinn is giving up. She’s just… giving themselves more room to grow. And if they’re really meant to be, they’ll get together, one way or another. I mean, T.J., they’re still in middle school.”
He turned his head to see T.J. frown. “So, you’re saying that you can’t fall in love in middle school? Or if you do, it’s not real?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” Cyrus replied, quickly. “I think what they have is real. It’s just… not the right time for them.”
“Then… when is the right time?” T.J. sounded genuinely upset about that.
Cyrus hesitated to answer. He didn’t want to say the wrong words.
“Sorry,” T.J. suddenly said. “That was a convoluted question. Don’t mind me.”
“No, not at all. I guess… I don’t really have an answer for that.”
“That’s fair.”
They sat in silence for a moment.
Cyrus became even more aware of the hand in his. He wasn’t sure if T.J. was holding his hand on purpose or just forgot that he was. Either way, Cyrus was savoring the feeling. It was nice, holding hands. He liked holding hands. He found it quite intimate.
“Hey, Cy.”
Cyrus turned his head to him. “Yes?”
T.J.’s hand tightened in his as he visibly swallowed.
Cyrus felt himself scoot closer. “What is it, T.J.?”
T.J. slowly leaned in. “I… um… So I…”
Cyrus bit his lip. “Yes?”
“I…”
The sound of a lock turning made them both freeze. T.J. released his hand and leaned back just as the door opened.
“Hey, kids.” Cyrus’ mother entered, hands full with her purse and what appeared to be groceries. “Hard at work, I see.”
“Yeah,” Cyrus managed.
“We’re almost done,” T.J. added.
Sharon smiled at them. “T.J., you’re staying for dinner, yes?”
The jock nodded with a smile of his own. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Perfect! It will be ready in an hour!”
Sharon headed to the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone.
They sat in awkward silence, not sure if they should continue their conversation or not.
Finally, T.J. grabbed the laptop on the coffee table. “Let’s finish up?” he asked.
Cyrus silently nodded, reaching for his own.
They worked in silence until dinner.
……..........
“Don’t you love me?”
“I do…”
“But, you don’t want to be with me anymore?”
“I…just need space and time. And I think you do, too.”
“But, I love you.”
“I love you, too. But, it doesn’t mean that we’re meant to be. At least, not right now. I’m sorry, Logan.”
“Quinn…”
“Good-bye.”
“Quinn!”
“And… cut!”
T.J. broke out of character and turned to Cyrus who was beaming at him from behind the camera.
“Great job, you two! Let’s move on to the hallway and film the last scene!”
Nodding, T.J. followed him and Jonah out of the classroom and into the hallway, where the extras along with Buffy and Andi were waiting.
The last scene shows Quinn and Logan passing each other in the halls. They look at each other for a moment and continue to walk on. The two Captains notice them ignoring each other and show a brief look of regret for driving a wedge between them.
It was a simple scene but Cyrus said that it spoke volumes on the tragic way their relationship ended.
T.J. and Buffy positioned themselves on opposite sides of the hallway. Jonah’s camera was on Buffy while Cyrus’ was on T.J. With them were the members of their team, acting as extras.
“Extras, ready?”
They gave the affirmative.
“And… action!”
They moved, walking up and down the hallway, chatting.
“Okay, T.J. and Buffy, go!”
T.J. walked forward with his head down and a slight limp, emphasizing Logan’s leg injury. When he reached the designated spot, he looked up, the same time that Buffy did. She had a cast on, to show Quinn’s own injury. They looked at each other for 5 seconds before Buffy looked away first and continued walking. T.J., too, turned his head away and walked on.
After they left the shot, the two Captains meet in the middle, looking forlorn. They looked at each other, regretful, before they also parted from each other.
“And… cut!”
“That was perfect, guys!”
Cyrus looked excited as he looked up from the camera, beaming at all of them.
“We’ll do two more takes, okay? Re-set!”
T.J. went back to his original spot. Andi came by a minute later to fix his makeup and his hair.
“You, guys, did great,” she complimented.
“Thanks, Andi.”
Nodding at him, she bounded off.
“Is everyone ready?”
Everyone gave the affirmative.
They shot the scene two more times. At the end of the last take, as soon as Cyrus yelled, “Cut! That’s a wrap!”, everyone broke into applause.
Buffy and Andi both ran up to Cyrus, hugging him. T.J. wanted to do the same but he stayed in place, wanting to them their moment. He would try to ask for his later.
His teammates surrounded him, instead, clapping his back and congratulating him on a job well done.
“Everyone, thank you so much for being a part of this project!” Cyrus called out over the noise. “I’ve had such a thrill working with all of you, especially my stars! T.J. and Buffy!”
Everyone clapped, hooted, and whistled. T.J. felt pride blossom in his chest at having accomplished something amazing.
“To reward you all for your hard work, milkshakes on me at The Spoon! This Saturday!”
That declaration received another cheer.
While everyone cleaned up and gathered their things, T.J. finally managed to pull Cyrus aside.
“Congratulations, Underdog!” he greeted.
Cyrus beamed up at him. “Thank you! But, my work is not done! I still have to cut and edit today’s footage!”
“I’ll help,” T.J. replied with no hesitation.
Cyrus didn’t seem surprised anymore at his offer. Instead, he surged forward, wrapping his arms around T.J.
“Thank you!”
He pulled away much too quickly and the jock lamented the loss of the warmth. Nonetheless, that brief hug made him happy as a bee.
“Hey, Cyrus. Congratulations,” a new voice joined in.
They both turned around to the newcomer.
“Marty!” Cyrus exclaimed.
The track star grinned. “Hope you didn’t mind if I watched that last take? Sorry I couldn’t help before.”
“Not at all! It’s fine!” Cyrus looked over at Buffy, who was busy talking to some of her teammates to notice Marty. “I think Buffy was more upset that it wasn’t you who starred with her.”
Marty pursed his lips. “I heard she and Kippen here made things hard for you.”
T.J. would be offended at that if it wasn’t true. Fortunately, Cyrus didn’t seem to take it to heart. In fact, he laughed.
“At first, they did, but they ended up being fantastic actors! Especially T.J.! His heart eyes are spot on!”
“Is that so?”
The track star flashed T.J. a look. He simply shrugged in response.
“Well, congratulations again.” Marty looked over at Buffy. “I’m gonna go congratulate the Slayer.”
He patted Cyrus’ arm, nodded at T.J., and went on his way.
Together, they watched him approach Buffy and surprise her with a poke on her cheek. And even from afar and even though Buffy acted irritated, they could see the joy in her eyes at seeing the track star there.
“He really likes her, huh?” T.J. couldn’t help but comment, wishing he had Marty’s guts.
“Yeah,” Cyrus agreed, smiling at the sight. “He would have made a great Logan. Not that you weren’t great!” he added, quickly.
T.J. had to laugh at his panicked tone.
“Because you were a fantastic Logan!”
T.J. decided not to tease him for now. Instead, he reached over and ruffled Cyrus’ hair.
“Thanks, Cy.”
He was pleased to see the cute blush appear on the other boy’s cheeks.
……..........
They were on his couch again, backs lazily against it, as they stared at the open laptop in front of them.
After an hour and a half of cutting clips, editing, and rendering, Cyrus was finally done. His movie came out to 28 minutes and 45 seconds, cutting it very close to what Mr. Spencer required of him. Now, the video was loading to a DVD and he would make a copy on a flash drive, just in case.
So, he and T.J. were just relaxing now while they waited for it to finish.
“I know I said it so many times already, but it really was fun, Underdog.”
Cyrus hummed and turned his head to look at him. “I’m glad.” He sighed. “I’ll have to admit, doing this project was exhausting, but it’s brought back a bit of my confidence. Now, we’ll just have to see if the class likes it tomorrow.”
“I’m sure they will.” T.J. grinned. “You had some great actors.”
“Yeah, Buffy was amazing.”
T.J. wrinkled his nose. “Ouch. You wound me so, Underdog.” He chuckled. “But, I’ll let it go for today because I like you.”
The unexpected statement caused Cyrus’ brain to stop working for a hot second.
“Uhh… I…”
A short alert sounded off from his laptop, indicating that the movie had finished transferring to the DVD. Clearing his throat, Cyrus practically flew off the couch to his laptop, hoping T.J. didn’t see his reddening face.
By the number of times he had been blushing this entire week, Cyrus might as well turn into a tomato and grow in his step-mother’s garden.
He busied himself by opening the CD drive and removing the disk. Then, he popped in a flash drive and saved the movie there too.
He turned to T.J. with the disk at hand, smiling. “Wanna watch it?”
“Heck yeah!”
Cyrus bounded over to the T.V. and crouched down in front of it. He turned on the DVD player, popped the disk in, and grabbed the remote. Settling himself back on the couch, he pressed play.
They, first, watched the movie in silence. The acting was mediocre at best, Cyrus had to be honest about that. From the corner of his eye, he spied T.J. flinching and looking away whenever he saw himself onscreen. Cyrus had to hold back his own giggles.
And, then, the gazebo scene began. The acting, by this point, was better. T.J. and Buffy had gotten into their characters a bit better than in the previous scenes.
“My hair looked good,” T.J. commented.
Cyrus finally allowed himself a laugh. “You’re so humble.”
But, he couldn’t argue with that either. T.J. looked handsome, especially with the lighting and the way his eyes looked as they gazed at Buffy. He was really good at looking in love.
Cyrus’ heart was racing, unable to tear his eyes away.
“I’d give it all up for you. The team. My position. Everything if it means I can be with you.”
He knew that those were Logan’s lines but a part of him couldn’t help but wonder…
“You’re right,” T.J. said, softly. “That was the perfect moment.”
Cyrus chuckled, gaze still on the T.V. “And you did it, perfectly.”
He felt a shoulder and a leg press against his side.
“Do you know… who I was thinking about the entire time?”
Cyrus felt himself tense up. “I told you guys to think about the person you liked.”
“Yeah.”
His chest twitched and he absentmindedly scratched at it. “So, you were doing that, yes?” he asked, casually.
“Yeah.”
A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed. “My technique worked well then.”
He turned to look at T.J. to smile but froze when he saw that T.J. was already watching him with the soft look on his face. His eyes were the same as the ones he showed when he was Logan, the eyes that made hearts speed up and knees buckle.
“It wasn’t just your technique, you know,” T.J. said.
By now, neither of them were paying attention to the movie.
Cyrus couldn’t find the words to say so he stayed silent.
“It was you,” T.J. continued, smiling.
Cyrus felt a hand over his and briefly looked down to see T.J.’s fingers intertwining with his. He looked up again, his heart beating fast against his chest and loud in his ears.
“M-Me?” he managed.
T.J. hummed as he nodded. “All of my scenes with Buffy? I would close my eyes and open them and see… you. After every one of them, I have to look at you to make sure that you’re there.”
Cyrus felt himself release a soft gasp of realization. He thought back on the past couple of days, filming with T.J. The jock wasn’t just looking at him to confirm if he did his scene okay. He would look at him because… he wanted to.
“Why are you telling me this?” Cyrus softly asked.
T.J. chuckled. “Isn’t it obvious?”
Cyrus swallowed, unable to find his voice.
“The right timing. The right mood. Everything feels like it’s disappearing and it’s just you and me.” T.J. squeezed his hand. “It’s the perfect moment.”
And with that, he began to lean in.
Cyrus’ breath caught in his throat, but he didn’t move. His heart was beating faster than ever and all he could see in front of him were T.J.’s green eyes and pretty lips that looked really soft and his own eyes were closing and…
The turn of a key and the door opening felt like a lightning bolt fell in between them. The two boys broke apart, their hands leaving each other.
Cyrus couldn’t help but be disappointed and lament the loss.
“Hi, boys! Working late again?”
“H-Hi Sharon,” Cyrus managed.
“Hi Miss Frank,” T.J. followed, his voice steadier than Cyrus’.
His step-mother entered the living room.
“We’re actually done.” Cyrus gestured to the T.V. where his movie was still playing.
“Oh, I see that! We should all watch it after dinner! T.J., you’re staying, yes?”
T.J. coughed before standing up. “Actually, I have to head home a bit early tonight, Miss Frank. I’m sorry. Another time?”
Cyrus looked up at him, eyes wide and confused. Weren’t they just having a moment?! Why was he leaving?!
“Of course. Thank you again for helping Cyrus with his project.”
“It was my pleasure.” He smiled at Sharon before turning to the other boy, who was still frozen and seated on the couch. “I’m sure your film will be great, Cy. I’ll see you at school.”
And with that, the jock turned on his heels and headed towards the door.
“Cyrus, honey? Are you okay?”
Breaking out of his frozen stupor, Cyrus knew that he couldn’t just let T.J. get away. Why confess something like that and just leave?! That was so unfair! He didn’t even get a chance to answer him!
“I’ll be right back,” he said to his step-mother before moving towards the door.
He stepped out to see that T.J. was already halfway down the path.
“T.J.!”
Immediately, the jock turned around, looking adorably confused.
It could have been adrenaline. Or excitement. Or some inner brave part of him. But, Cyrus’ legs moved on their own and he let them. He ran up to T.J., meeting him right there in the middle. For a moment, he only looked at him and T.J. gazed right back.
Lifting himself up on his tiptoes, Cyrus kissed his cheek.
“Good night,” he said. “And thank you. Again. Get home, safely, okay?”
Feeling embarrassed at his sudden act, he ran back into his house, closing the door behind him.
He could feel not only his face was red and warm but his entire body, too.
Oh, god, he kissed T.J.!
Tag list:
@lemon-boy-tj
@homosexualearthworm
@disastrxlogy
@new-to-the-phandom
@tyrusgoingfast
@tj-cyrus
@completelysterling
@spike-heels
@multifandom-bxitch
@thedampjofangirl
@i-am-confussion
@buffyshirley
@azuresoulsblog
@cxrus-kippen
@tyrus-endgayme-confirmed
@barely-even-simming
@birthistheend
@angel28716
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29/10/19 : TEDDY BOYS. HAUL GIRLS. #1
What are they?
Teddy Boy: (in the 1950s) a young man of a subculture characterised by a style of dress based on Edwardian fashion (typically with drainpipe trousers, bootlace tie, and hair slicked up in a quiff) and a liking for rock-and-roll music.
Haul Girl: A girl or women who makes a haul video.
The revolution will not be televised.
youtube
The tv shows you what it wants to show you.
Television tells us what the people who run the TV stations want us to know. But social media today sometimes provides an alternative.
Subculture - Under/Beneath
We are looking today at youth and subcultures… their historicity and their contexts, and where we are with what might be called subcultures and youth cultures today.
GUIDE TO THE CULTS
A genuine piece from the mirror in the 1980s.
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Sex Pistols : This is one of the most infamous moments on television. Today it seems tame, but in 1976 this was enough to get the presenter fired.
Like Duchamp's 'ready mades' - manufactured objects which qualified as art because he chose to call them such, the most unremarkable and inappropriate items - a pin, a plastic clothes peg, a television component, a razor blade, a tampon - could be brought within the province of punk (un)fashion...
Dick Hebdige - Subculture: The Meaning of Style
Hebdige’s book has long been consider the authorative text on subculture.
In the book he discusses the ready made aesthetics of punk. Punk was the first reaction to the developing politics of Thatcher and Reagan… here a refusal to take part in business as normal led to music that sounded amateur and fresh… the opposite of the progressive rock that had dominated the mid 1970s and early 80′s.
Vivienne Westwood
Objects borrowed from the most sordid of contexts found a place in punks' ensembles; lavatory chains were draped in graceful arcs across chests in plastic bin liners. Safety pins were taken out of their domestic 'utility' context and worn as gruesome ornaments through the cheek, ear or lip...fragments of school uniform (white bri-nylon shirts, school ties) were symbolically defiled (the shirts covered in graffiti, or fake blood; the ties left undone) and juxtaposed against leather drains or shocking pink mohair tops.
Jamie Red and others made zines that could be assembled in this same way, collaging and making work that felt it could have been made in the house, and often was.
Subcultures
Subcultures are tribal, bringing people together to form loose relations outside of the mainstream.
Different subcultures:
Even subcultures have subcultures… specific types of goth (steampunk, lolita) rude boys, K Pop sub genres, grunge punk rock etc
Once about a specific youth culture movement based around the disco music of the 1970s, clubbing subculture developed into rave culture in the late 80s and 90s, and has become a mainstream movement in the last few years.
Fiorucci Made Me Hardcore, Mark Leckey, 1999
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“Something as trite and throwaway and exploitative as a jeans manufacturer can be taken by a group of people and made into something totemic, and powerful, and life-affirming.”
Subcultures are about a sense of belonging, often to people who feel excluded or disenfranchised from the mainstream.
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Cosplay - form of subculture
The Joker and Harlequin are both characters who live for misrule, and both of them come from characters in the commedia dell’arte.
Harlequin relates directly to Harley Quinn… the Lord of Misrule was the peasant who was given the task of making sure that Xmas revellers got very drunk and very naughty.
The World Turned Upside Down
These characters link back to the ideas of the carnival, a time when the world was turned upside down. Christmas was initialy this kind of festival. People didn’t know if they would make it through the winter, so they made merry whilst they could. In the carnival Kings become Jokers, Jokers became kings.
Carnival extracts all individuals from non-carnival life, non-carnival states and because there are no hierarchical positions during carnival, ideologies which manifest the mind of individuals cannot exist.
...And finally in a few relatively rare instances, we find an extreme form of revelry in which the participants play-act at being precisely the opposite of what they really are; men act as women, women as men, kings as beggars, servants as masters, acolytes as bishops. In such situations of true orgy, normal life is played in all manners of sins such as incest, adultery, transvestitism, sacri- lege, and lese-majeste treated as the order of the day...
Edmund R. Leach, Rethinking Anthropology
In Rabelais and His World (1965), Mikhail Bakhtin likens the carnivalesque to the type of activity that often takes place in the carnivals of popular culture. In the carnival, according to Bakhtin, social hierarchies of everyday life—their etiquettes, and normal structures—are turned on their head.
Court jesters become kings, kings become beggars; opposites are mingled (fact and fantasy, heaven and hell).
Drag Cultures
Much in the same way that Madonna, undeniable icon though she is, in no way invented voguing, neither did the queens on RuPaul’s Drag Race invent the concept of "shade", "realness" or any of the other essential sayings liberally adopted wholesale by the internet. But what the show has done is continually provide a potted queer history. Whether it’s through highlighting ball culture, trans activism, gender fluidity, or queens like the legendary Lady Bunny; or simply by allowing the contestants to talk about their lived experience, the show has put an all too rare slice of gay and trans history in American (and the world’s) living rooms and laptops.
Drag Race has brought a subculture into the mainstream. It has brought secret languages into modern parlay.
From RuPaul raising a pair of opera glasses to say archly, “I can’t wait to see how this pans out”, to season four queen Latrice Royale’s “the shaaaaade of it all”, social media’s gif game has been vastly bolstered by nine seasons of this show. A gif reaction needs to encapsulate maximum emotion, drama, and appearance – and the queens on Drag Race have all three in spades. Tumblr couldn’t create gifs fast enough in the early seasons, and the joy of so many strong characters, and sound-bites, means that there is a reaction for absolutely every occasion. Season 6 winner Bianca Del Rio named one of her world tours after her own much-gif’d catchphrase, “Not today Satan”.
Memes and online culture have helped the show become part of the everyday.
Historically, "sissy" has been used as an insult against feminine-seeming men. Ru-Paul’s Drag Race not only reclaims the word – “now sissy that walk” is the phrase said at the top of each catwalk, usually preceding a demonstration of almost gob-smacking creativity – but shows that adopting a truly feminine character requires massive amounts of charisma and self-confidence. The show is wildly popular with women, not simply because of the incredible looks and transformations served by each queen, but because it is a celebration of feminine mystique in all its forms.
It has helped reclaim a sense of agency in an era of toxic masculinity.
The little show that could has turned into a global behemoth, with tours around the world each year, and an annual convention in Los Angeles. Last year, a second US convention launched in New York, while London hosted the first European edition, DragWorld UK, which saw a number of the show’s queens and RuPaul’s right-hand judge, Michelle Visage, holding court. And as fabulous, glamorous and downright funny as the queens are, the real joy came from seeing the response of teenagers to meeting their idols. RuPaul and Visage are giving hope to lost kids around the world, whatever their gender, ethnic background or sexuality. By sharing their stories, the Drag Race contestants are giving comfort and inspiration to viewers, as well as swathes of entertainment.
The show has brought disenfranchised, often hidden cultures into the open. And given people something that not only entertains, but also empowers.
The difference between Drag Race US and Drag Race UK summed up in one perfect tweet…
With RuPaul’s Drag Race UK finally airing on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean, it’s got fans realising just how different the two editions of the show are… International fans were subjected to the colourful world of British slang and swear words, leaving dozens bemused about what exactly the UK queens are actually saying…. But in a viral tweet shared by one of the British queens, it’s managed to capture the crucial difference between the US and UK versions of Drag Race.
Sum Ting Wong shared a screenshot of a Facebook post that so beautifully sums up the two shows:
Pink News JOSH MILTON OCTOBER 8, 2019
Drag is culturally derived, and finds its forms based on local customs. In the UK drag has a relationship to Vaudeville and play, which means it does something different to the american show. It is less about the act of putting on a show, and more about the comedic, slightly catty relations that we have come to associate with saturday evening tv here in the UK.
But that doesn’t mean it is mean in itself… it still brings a subculture to a mainstream audience. Remember, if I talked about this with you in the 1990s, I would face prosecution under Section 28
"shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality" or "promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship".
New Subcultures
‘It's hard not to be struck by the sensation that, emos and metalheads aside, what you might call the 20th-century idea of a youth subculture is now just outmoded. The internet doesn't spawn mass movements, bonded together by a shared taste in music, fashion and ownership of subcultural capital: it spawns brief, microcosmic ones.
In fact, the closest thing to the old model of a subculture I've come across is Helena and the haul girls. Their videos are about conspicuous consumption: a public display of their good taste, carefully assembled with precise attention to detail. When you put it like that they sound remarkably like mods.’
Alexis Petridis
Marie Antoinette, 2006 (Sofia Copolla)
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Alone in a Crowded Room
Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader
Genre: All Fluff!
Words: 2086
Summary: Being alone isn’t lonely, but sometimes it’s better together.
A/N: This is my first time writing a fic, so it may be horrible and I’m definitely open to constructive criticisms and suggestions. It hasn’t really been edited oops sorry
“Have you ever felt alone in a room full of people?”
The question seemed to come from far away. You barely registered it at all. What a clichéd saying. Do people actually still ask that?
“Y/N? Hello? Are you in there?” Your friend’s hand waved in front of your face, bringing you out of your thoughts. You hummed in acknowledgment halfheartedly, though your friend is much too invested in her story to notice your indifference. She had been rambling on about her newest boy toy for the last hour and a half, but apparently the subject had required your input for something and you had to stop pretending to pay attention to actually answer. “I said, have you ever felt alone in a room full of people?”
You laughed a real genuine laugh, the sound of which was swallowed up by the live music playing in the other room. “Yeah, haven’t we all?” Your answer was vague, which was pretty typical, but apparently it satisfied her desire for your input for the moment. You fell easily back into your thoughts, only this time further answering her question to yourself. Alone in a crowd? I think it may be easier to ask how often I don’t feel alone in a crowd, really. You couldn’t remember a time in the past months, maybe years, when you hadn’t felt more comfortable in your apartment alone than in the presence of another human being. You had no idea what the relevance of the question was to the rest of your friend’s story, but you loathed that she had asked it. Any little thing could set your brain into motion, and that isn’t really where you liked your brain to be.
You had tried to deal with your loneliness in any way suggested to you by someone else, although more often than not it was to appease your friends’ need to see you no longer be the only single when everyone paired off at parties and other such gatherings. You’d tried everything from halfhearted relationships with boys whose names you’d later not even remember to long drunken nights on the town with your closest girls to studies overseas with complete strangers, just trying to find some connection with anyone that didn’t make you exhausted after an hour. All that had failed thus far, and you were losing the motivation to try. Your friends seemed convinced that you should continue to try, but you were happiest on your own, so that became the status quo.
Your friend seemed to be coming to the end of your discussion (albeit one-sided, as it were), so you started gathering your things and wiggling in the uncomfortable wing-backed chair as your signal you were ready to leave.
“I’m so glad you’re having a good time with this one, babe,” you say to her, remembering the last time she got sucked into a whirlwind romance that ended in her being ghosted after a week. You were expecting a similar outcome in this situation as well, despite listening to practically none of her description of the guy, and you found yourself thinking how nice it was to not have to worry about getting your heart broken. You would much rather deal with the fallout for her than have to handle your own.
“Anyway…” she started, “enough about mine, how’s your love life going, girlie?”
The question caught you off guard, and you groaned internally. You wished you could have been more discreet about your discomfort, but in your signature tactless way, you managed to squeak out “I have a lot of homework to do tonight really no time to discuss it sorry” as you moved yourself toward the door, feeling your cheeks redden.
“Alright, but don’t think you’re getting out of this conversation that easily!” she shouts as you make your way out of the overpriced coffee shop. Once in the open air away from the excessive number of other people and your friend’s unnecessary interrogation, you felt invigorated, and since you really did have work to do, you found yourself driving to your favorite bookstore where you knew it would be quiet.
The drive was exactly what you needed, with all of your favorite feel-good songs coming on the radio, leading you to getting out of your car still smiling and humming your favorite Disney tunes.
As you entered the bookstore, the first thing you noticed was the smell of your favorite tea wafting through the store from the little café in the back, which lifted your spirits even more. The second thing you noticed was that you had been correct in assuming it would be quiet, as the only other people you could see in the store were employees, most of whom you knew, milling about changing displays and straightening shelves.
“Y/N!” The owner called out, coming toward you with a huge smile plastered on his weathered face. “Great to see you! Just thought you’d want to know there’s a whole bunch of new books back next to the café. I’m a busy bee, but come find me if you need anything!” And with that, he had disappeared back into the stockroom to sort through the books.
You thanked him as he disappeared and wandered to the section you knew he was talking about. You had been looking for the newest installment of the Harley Quinn comics, and with the knowing look on his face, you assumed the owner had gotten it in. You found the shelf of new releases and set to searching. You became so caught up in your hunt that you didn’t notice the soft sound of someone approaching.
“Excuse me?”
The voice startled you, and you spun to see who it belonged to. A guy about your age was standing there with his hands in his pockets looking rather lost, and in your flustered state you found yourself at a loss for words.
“Excuse me, love,” he repeated, the pet name making your cheeks flush, “I was trying to find a comic to get into. My friend suggested I’d like them, but I really haven’t a clue what I’m looking for. Do you have any suggestions?”
“I don’t know what kinds of things you like, and your friend would probably make better suggestions, but my favorite is Spider-Man. Sorry I’ve got to…” but before you’d even finished your statement you were around the corner, rushing to hide from the encounter. You’d spoken so fast you weren’t even sure he’d understood you, but you also weren’t sure that was a bad thing.
After a sufficient amount of time for your anxiety to pass somewhat, you noticed you were standing in the high school test-prep book aisle. You immediately regretted not at least bothering to choose a hiding spot with books you’d not read a million times, or at the very least something a little closer to your interests. You’d spent too much time on these boring tomes when you needed them, and now they were as irrelevant as a paperclip. You sighed to yourself, again back to remembering how quickly the years go by, and how you still hadn’t had anyone that made you feel less alone through any of it. And just like that, your day went from boring to uncomfortable to wonderful and finally to just another day in the life of your anxieties.
When you felt like enough time had passed for the boy who ruined your day to have made his purchase and left, you exited the most boring aisle in the store and went to the café to study. You ordered your tea, no sugar no cream, and found the table in the corner you always claimed as your own. You pulled your ancient laptop from its pocket and began waiting the seemingly six hundred years it took to start up. In the meantime, you retrieved your tea from the barista, pulled your textbook and highlighters out of your bag, and began to read through the material.
As your laptop finally lived and you found your assignment, you sensed someone coming up to your table and heard a voice say,
“Thanks for the recommendation; the books I was looking at before were too Boron for me to make it through.”
You looked up from your homework to see the same guy from before looking down at you, his face graced with a lopsided smile. “Huh?” You say, in your typical eloquent fashion.
“You know, Boron, like, the chemical… you were just… doing chemistry so I thought…” he trailed off as he started to walk away, the smile falling from his face.
The attempted pun finally clicked for you, and you felt embarrassed not getting it the first time around. You noticed him turning to walk off, and for some reason that made you feel guilty. “Hey wait!” you called, “ No wait! It was funny! I just didn’t get it! I mean, in my defense, it was a terrible, awful pun. But it was funny!”
He turned back around, and his face lit up. “Oh? You think I’m funny, do you?” He waggled his eyebrows at you, eliciting a giggle.
“Yeah, maybe funny looking,” you scoff. “You’re welcome for the recommendation though, I hope you like it.”
“Well,” he started, “to be completely honest, I’ve already read them all so far. I just really wanted to see what you’d recommend. I’m Tom. Do you mind if I sit here?” He motioned to the chair opposite you, the one usually left unoccupied or stolen by another table.
You managed to stutter out an affirmative answer, being once again taken aback by this person’s willingness to talk to you. He sat and made himself comfortable with a cup of tea and his stack of new comics. He started asking you about your theories regarding the current storyline and how the comics relate to the movies, and you became fully invested in the conversation. Eventually, after much discussion, you both came to the same conclusion regarding the direction the story should take and settled into a silence.
While silence was usually comfortable for you, it was only such when you were by yourself. You quickly started to feel anxious about the way you were sitting and were even acutely aware of how you were breathing. You were surprised you had managed to make it that long without having some sort of anxiety, but the clammy hands and red cheeks threatened a need to make a quick exit. You looked at the man across from you and noticed that he had picked up one of his new books and was quietly reading and sipping his tea. He looked completely unphased by the silence, and that was calming to you.
For the first time, you noticed how kind his eyes looked, and the way his curly brown hair laid haphazardly on his head. The slight curve of his lips showed his enjoyment of the novel, and you smiled before you caught yourself. You realized you were staring and quickly opened up your laptop and… it was dead. Completely dead. And you’d left your charger at home. You thanked whatever deity was in charge of such things for allowing you such a convenient escape.
“I’m sorry, uh, what did you say your name was?” You stuttered.
“Tom, my name’s Tom Holland, love,” he answered, barely taking his eyes from his reading.
“Right, uh, well, I’m Y/N, and I’m very sorry but I’ve got to go home and finish this work.” You had already shoved your things into your bag and were getting up to leave.
“Oh! Oh, right, of course,” he suddenly was no longer smiling, but looked rather dismayed. He pulled a piece of paper from his bag, scribbled something on it, and handed it to you before you could walk away. “Give me a call when you’ve read the next installment, yeah, love?”
You blushed redder than you were sure you had ever been before, and without saying anything back to the cute boy handing you his number, left. Practically running to your car, you couldn’t help but think to lament that you could never go back to the bookstore after that horribly embarrassing event. Or maybe you were lamenting the fact that you knew you’d never use the number burning a hole in your pocket. You got in your car and had another lucky run on the radio, once again feeling high as ever and smiling the rest of the day.
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TDB Rewatch Hold On To 16 Episode 3x08
“All sparkling cider in the world can’t deny the fact that the Titanic has hit the iceberg...”
Let me start with the fact that this is one of the rare occasions where Rachel is the voice of reason and fortunately Quinn listens to her and the awkward Quinn-wants-to-steal-Beth-back-storyline finally comes to an end.
Than there’s Klaine. It’s the aftermath of the student election and Kurt has seemingly abandoned hope in getting into NYADA, because ND have no chance in winning their sectionals either. And this is the clue for Blaine to wallow in his own misery. ND is a mess and he can’t do anything about it because Finn won’t let him. Because, of course he would be able to change that if he just had a say and Sebastian is affirming it when he says ‘If there’s one guy that can whip ND into a legitimate threat it’s Blaine Anderson.’ Blaine is flattered by his sweet talk and always a little bit oblivious anyway, so he doesn’t perceive the hostile vibes between Kurt and Sebastian. I love Sebastian and Kurt’s little exchange, Sebastian is so self-assured and confident of his victory and Kurt is tensed like a leopard preparing to attack (twitching tail and all). Sebastian makes Kurt very nervous and insecure and his snarky comments only rub salt in Kurt’s already open wounds.
So we have a very frustrated Blaine who is convinced that he knows the trick in making ND successfull but again his ideas are turned down. So his bottled up emotions finally ‘break free’ (in his quite toned-down Blaine-way) in a sassy comment towards Sam and when Sam even shoves him his anger kicks in, but he’s too much Blaine to really start a fight, instead he leaves with fume coming out of his ears. His reaction to David’s shoving in season 2 has been much different. We even get a tiny moment of a stunned looking Kurt. In my headcanon he made Finn go and find Blaine to finally talk things out with him. It’s the first time we see Blaine this angry, shouting in a person’s face. For an issue that has built up over the course of 8 episodes the resolution comes quite quickly. When Finn apologizes and acknowledges Blaine’s talent people-pleaser-Blaine is immediately back.
May I add that Sam is my favourite character (apart from Kurt and Blaine, of course) He is the kindest person (who even can ‘disarm’ a mean Santana with a genuine ‘I missed you too’) and he has the most beautiful smile. The world needs more people like him. And his family is adorable.
Rachel not performing at Sectionals finally gives every member of ND the opportinity to shine. This is how it should have always been. I love Tina and Kurt in ABC and his sassy reaction to Sebastian’s presence in the auditorium. ‘Man in the mirror’ is great. I like the Troubletone’s mash-up as well but their dance style seems a bit too hectic for my taste (reminds me of ‘hairography’, just with arms)
Other Kurt/Blaine Things:
Leopard-Kurt putting his paw possessively on Blaine’s hand
all of Kurt’s background moments during ‘Red Solo Cup’ are hilarious; mouthing to Blaine, “What is wrong with you?”
During Sam’s body-roll demonstration Kurt tries to imitate him, until Blaine shoots it down. And immediately Kurt looks really unhappy and dissapointed (’Oh no, babe, why not, I thought it was hot!!!’)
Blaine boxing all sweaty is very hot.....
Kurt singing along with the ‘Gerber Baby’
Kurt using ASL (american sign language) during ABC
knee-high boots and shorts are back
Other Things:
Finn being ‘really good at looking busy’
Sam Evans has the most beautiful smile!!
I love when Sam Evans sings Country Music
I understand Mike’s dilemma and I am glad Tina found a way to help him out of it ;-)
there is a tiny BLAM moment during ‘Control’
again Harmony manages to leave Kurt speechless
“I didn’t know Backdraft was a musical.”
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quinn + her obsession with being prom queen.
quinn has a power problem. stemming from the trauma of being bullied for so long in middle school, quinn sees the world very simply: if she’s on top, she’s untouchable, and she will never be treated like that again. she takes it too far, belittling others to ‘keep them in their place’ and to remind them that she’s above them. it’s to protect herself, but it’s still inexcusable.
mckinley is a hierarchy. the glee club sits at the bottom, and the football team and the cheer squad float on top ---- prom king and queen is just another boost to the top of the ladder; it isn’t all in her head, that school really does work like that. prom queen was always in the cards for her, even during the early events of season one, and pre-show; she was the most popular girl at school, with her cheerios position locked in place and the boyfriend everyone wanted to be with. if nothing had changed, prom queen would’ve been a walk in the park, both junior and senior year.
after the birth of beth, quinn was depressed. it was unaddressed until the very last episode of season two ( in which it was done poorly, and could be interpreted differently ) and then not properly until season three, which ( again ) was done poorly, but made more obvious. but the background moments are there, she’s disinterred, unmotivated, and genuinely looks as if she’s missing something. there are two things quinn channels her energy into to, as she NEEDS something to focus on to thrive, and something to distract her; boys and prom queen.
we all know quinn’s unhealthy relationships with men, and she even admits ( in season four ) that she lets men define her, but it’s because quinn always needs SOMETHING. she also has a thing for ‘needing’ things she can’t have, which i’ll probably talk about at some other point. but in season two, we see that quinn uses both her focus points at once, merging them into one; she needs the perfect candidate to win prom king and queen with. her affections for both sam and finn were real, but the fact their popularity and likeability would help her get the crown, and was also vital.
since quinn fell from the top of the social ladder in perhaps the most personally humiliating way she could’ve, her need to scramble back on top worsened. the sickly sweet piano piece that followed quinn whenever her prom queen storyline progressed was enough to give away her motives. i won’t praise glee on much, but that song was always perfect. and it’s how i know when to click back onto the netflix tab when i’m doing something else.
her view of what a prom queen is is warped; she’s desperately searching for something that will make her HAPPY, and thinks that a crown and a photo in the yearbook will be it. she obsesses over it, and nobody sees it for what it is; they pin it on ‘quinn and her girl cr*zy’ and leave her to it. but with her life 'ruined’ by the previous years’ happenings, and the hole in her life that she doesn’t want to admit is there, it’s the only thing she has to focus on. so when ‘lucy’ is exposed, quinn sees it as everything she’s worked so hard for being ripped from her once again. to be happy, she had to shed lucy entirely, so not only was she reminded of a time that traumatised her so much that moved schools, changed her name, and altered her appearance entirely, but it was done in a way to shame her publicly. it would’ve been bad enough if it were done at any other time, but in the middle of prom queen campaigning, quinn sees it as the end of the line.
her view of what a prom queen is, is perfection: skinny, pretty, smart, tall, squeaky clean, man by her side ‘perfection’ --- and while she claims she changed because she loves herself, it’s clear that she hates lucy and she hates what they did to her. she sees the ideal prom queen as someone their peers want to be, because quinn was the ‘outsider’ who longed to be the quinn she is now; it makes her mean, but it shows how much lucy affected her. ‘the girl who could never be prom queen’ transforming into a prom queen is the final affirmation that quinn is not lucy anymore. because the school now knew her past, she thought her chances of prom queen were gone.
but, and i love when this happens, quinn was proven wrong, and she LEARNED from it. while quinn was highly desired and admired, she was also seen as inhuman, since the school apparently forgot about her sophomore year, and lucy softened her. they weren’t votes of pity, they were votes cast because they saw themselves in quinn. true, the stereotypical trio of chubby girls don’t represent the entire school, as the majority do still see the world the way quinn thinks they do, but those people were still there. she knows high school doesn’t last forever, but if she makes her mark, it could perhaps get her on the right track, or at least make her high school years the best of her life, like everyone claims they are. she’s scared; she thinks she’s nothing if she’s not popular. so, she needs the crown.
so, while quinn won’t lose that many votes after her exposure, she still knows that once upon a time, she wouldn’t had to have tried at all. a stare in the hallway and a singular poster would’ve been the nudge people needed --- if they even needed one at all. she has to work harder, and push more, and having something like that to focus her energy into kept her from being the kind of self-destructive we know she’s capable of thanks to the purple piano project, and 3a.
but somehow, when it finally arrives, junior prom looks as though it’s going to be perfect; she’s attending with her first love, her dress is perfect to her and fits her perfectly, she knows that her and finn are the most obvious prom royalty choices, the corsage is perfect ( thanks to rachel ), and even her mother is taken aback by the beauty of it all, and seems genuinely excited. finn was back in her life in a big way, and everything that was lined up for them a year ago, was back in place -------- but quinn knows he’ll always have a thing for rachel, and it’s proven when finn got kicked out of the prom over rachel, and the two things that quinn focused on are gone ---- everything was supposed to be perfect ( again, quinn has a thing for perfection, but we all knew that ) but finn had eyes for rachel and couldn’t stop himself from punching jesse over her, and she can’t be crowned queen without the king who was supposed to join her; it’s messed with her perfect little plan.
so, when she doesn’t win, she takes it personally. finn got kicked out over rachel, and quinn’s always known he had a thing for her. she believed nobody would vote for her when her date had an obvious thing for another girl, what with just happened with finn, and out of all the times it would’ve been appropriate to slap rachel, now wasn’t actually one of them, despite her feelings towards rachel being valid. she saw it as yet another way she’d been publicly humiliated, and legitimately considered transferring AGAIN. but, like all things, she gets on with it. she enjoys the rest of prom, it’s put behind her. there’s always next year.
now, i haven’t reached season three with my rewatch yet, so details may be rusty, but prom rolls around again a year later, and this time it’s her last chance. she’s campaigning with finn again, her physio is going well, and again she may have a few sympathy votes. and this time, she wins ----- and it’s evident that quinn saw the title as more than what it was, she thought she’d feel different, that everything would be worth it now, that she’d feel satisfied that her hard work paid off. it was something she was filling the void with, and her FINALLY winning but realising she was wrong, is the most quinn thing that’s ever been done. prom queen won’t replace the things she’s lost, but it gave her something to work for. handing the crown over to rachel DID make her feel something, and gave her the satisfaction she thought winning it herself would give her. it draws back into quinn always wanting what she doesn’t have, but also into her lack of awareness of what’s good for her, what she actually wants, and what happiness is.
but also, after the events of season three, she didn’t need the power anymore. she’s been on the bottom of the bottom, treated like dirt, dragged through hell and dragged back again, and while prom queen was something she thought she always wanted, it isn’t what she needed. emotionally, quinn is problematic, and it’s often infuriating that she doesn’t see that what she needs is her friends, but it’s also understandable why she’s like this. prom queen was just another thing from a long list of substitutes for quinn’s true happiness, a thing that glee never wanted to provide her with, and never truly did.
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