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#and now i forgor what i even meant to send
1luckyrubberducky · 3 months
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SORRY FOR SAYING SORRY
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sturnmad · 5 months
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nick sturniolo x ftm!reader
um i wrote this for @hbpr1nce . it was meant to be a short little fluffy drabble but spiraled into a 2.6k+ friends-to-lovers monstrosity. idk
be aware my writing style is very different than most sturniolo x reader authors on this app. i use second person & generally avoid the use of y/n (I'd rather use an oc name if absolutely necessary). it's also really like... plot-y? reader-centric? i didn't even mean for that to happen. honestly this feels like a prequel, i might write a sequel.
also i forgor the exact timeline of Nick's coming out so i just winged it lmao
summary: you're nick sturniolo's childhood friend, basically follows you realizing you're a trans man w nick supporting you the whole time, + ur eventual getting together. angst+fluff, no smut.
warnings: romantic nick x ftm!reader, transphobia, body image/self-esteem issues, I'm posting w minimal editing so beware, uhhh thats it i think?
Nick's always been your biggest supporter.
He's one of your first friends, because in 3rd grade he's the only one who stands up to the teacher when she tries to send you to the office for something you didn't do. You remember it distinctly: Nick literally red in the face from all the yelling, Matt trying to calm him down.
Nick doesn't remember it at all, but you do, and you've been his friend ever since.
He's the first to understand you, back when you thought you just hated everything about yourself. You hated your hair, so you cut it off. You hated your body, so you covered it up.
You hated your name, too, but there was no real solution to that.
It’s just so flowery, you'd complain with a wrinkled nose. So common. It didn't fit your face. Maybe that was why you avoided mirrors (it wasn't, but you didn't know that at the time either).
On what must be the thousandth time you complain of it, Nick rolls his eyes and says, “Just change it.”
“What?”
He waves a hand. “Just go by a nickname or something. Change it legally when you're older, if you want.”
Huh. For some reason that never occurred to you.
You cycle through a few nicknames, mostly just shortenings of your first and middle names, but none of those feel right either. Again, it's Nick that solves the issue, suggesting a few names until he lands on one that just… fits.
When you ask your other friends to call you by it, one of them asks, “Isn't that a boy’s name?”
He doesn't say it rudely or anything. You freeze anyway, because again, you didn't think about that, and again, Nick comes to your rescue. “It's gender neutral, dumbass,” he says good-naturedly. Your friend laughs and the moment passes by.
(You don’t notice, but Nick watches you closely from the corner of his eye. He looks like a theory was just confirmed.)
A few months after you change your name, you hear some kids talking in the hall about a trans student, saying—well. Nothing good.
Your hands go numb. Your stomach churns violently, and for the life of you, you can't figure out why. Obviously it’s shitty of them to say that, but high school is awful and you've overheard worse without freaking out over it.
You dismiss it as a freak coincidence.
Your anxiety gets worse, and quarantine doesn't help. Your parents are especially paranoid about the virus, so you barely leave your house.
There are up-sides, though. You talk with Nick almost every day now. Apparently his entire house burned down, so he's stuck in a tiny apartment with his parents and three brothers. He's fairing well, though, and he's one of your only friends who keeps in touch with you.
When he calls, he always uses the name you chose for yourself (or did he choose it?). These days, he’s the only one who does.
Nick comes out to you on a warm August afternoon.
“Holy shit,” you say. “I mean, that's great, man.” You wince. ‘Great’ doesn't seem like the right word to use there, but what else are you supposed to say? “Does anyone else know?”
“Yeah.” You hear a sigh of relief, and your heart clenches at the thought that Nick would hold even a sliver of fear of your reaction. “Nate, Max—a few others… Matt and Chris don't know, yet.”
Your jaw drops. “What? You haven't told them?” Nick and his triplet brothers told each other almost everything. You figured they'd be first on the list.
You remembered, vaguely, a conversation where you asked Nick if he had any secrets from Matt and Chris. He'd hesitated before shaking his head.
Huh, you thought. ‘No secrets’, my ass.
“Yeah,” Nick said like he’d had this conversation before. “I don't know why. I know they'd be fine with it, obviously, but it's just… a lot of work, y’know? They might be weird about it. No, they definitely will be. That's almost worse.”
You frowned. Granted, you weren't as close with Matt and Chris as you were with Nick, but they'd never struck you as homophobic. And they'd always been close with Nick, closer than most siblings. You couldn't imagine them reacting negatively.
Still, you understood Nick’s nervousness. That was big news to drop. One way or another, everything would change.
“They might be a little weird about it,” you admitted. “But they'll get over it. Probably. Either way, you've gotta do it eventually so may as well get it over with, right?”
“Yeah.” The word was tinged with frustration. “I know. I'll do it soon. Probably.”
It's not a surprise when, on their next call, he announces he's done it. You congratulate him, and the two of you talk about life in general, though there aren't many updates. Your mind is elsewhere, and you think Nick senses it because you say your goodbyes a few minutes later.
In your mind, you turn it over and over again in your head. Nick is gay and he came out and everything is fine. Everyone is cool with it. And even though at this point you haven’t admitted anything to yourself—
Something inside you untenses.
***
When you see Nick in person for the first time in over a year, you almost double over in envy.
It comes from nowhere. It completely blindsides you. He steps into the cafeteria with Matt and Chris by his side and you're suddenly so jealous you could puke.
He just looks really good, actually smiling and happy and tall. That's the only reason you're jealous, you decide, as Chris nearly shoves Nick into a table. Nick had a glow-up but quarantine only made you uglier, inside and out. Of course you'd be jealous.
To your surprise, Nick singles you out first out of all his friends. “Hey.” He smiles. It's a gentle smile, and he looks so happy and good and—did you mention he’s tall? At least taller than you, though that's not saying much. You're short enough that you almost never get mistaken for a boy, and when you do, it’s usually because of your short hair.
But you and Nick have the same hair length.
Huh. Same hair, similar style (yours perhaps even more ‘masculine’ than his), but no one ever mistakes you for a man after they see your face or hear your voice. Your stomach twists in envy again at the thought, this time with a distinct undercurrent of self-loathing.
If I looked like you…
(I probably wouldn't hate myself so much.)
It's just because Nick looks so good, though.
***
It's a snowball effect after that.
It's like Nick coming out put the concept on transness on your radar. You find yourself reading articles about it late at night. Just out of curiosity, you tell yourself.
But being trans would explain a lot about you. Almost everything, really.
One night you stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror. That's something you don't usually do. You don't like your body. You don't like your face. And for the first time, you're thinking:
Why? What don't I like about it?
The fat on your stomach. The fat around your waist. Your mom always says you have “child-bearing” hips, a comment that never fails to disgust you.
Your chest. You hate when people comment on it or acknowledged its existence at all. Bra shopping is a nightmare and necessary evil. Do most women feel like that?
Maybe. You doubt it.
You go by a man's name.
You wear men's clothes.
You look like a man…almost. From certain angles.
You want to look like a man.
That’s true. You do.
In here, at least, you can finally admit something. Only to yourself, and only for now, and only partially.
But you're maybe, kind of, at least 80% sure you're trans.
Fuck, you think. I'm screwed.
***
You come out to Nick in a McDonald's parking lot. It's oddly fitting.
Usually, you wouldn't do it all in one go. You'd test the waters first. Mention trans people in passing and see how the other person reacts. Maybe say a few things like ‘sometimes I just wish I was a guy, y'know?’
With most of your other friends, you could get away with that. They may be confused, they may side-eye you, but they wouldn't understand and they wouldn't confront you about it.
Nick isn't like that. He'd know, even if he didn't say anything. Better to just rip the bandaid off.
You wait until the others leave the car to pick up their orders. You and Nick stay behind like you always do.
You suck in a breath. Talking to Nick has always been easy. He's loud, you're loud—you accommodate, build off of each other. The silence feels unnatural in comparison to your usual easy banter.
“I think, um—” Your voice cracks and you cough. A strong start. You had a script but you're forgetting it. “I think I'm… probably not a woman.”
That's it. That's the closest you've gotten—that's all you know. ‘Probably not a woman’. Probably a man, but hey, there were other possibilities, and you just figured this out a few weeks ago so give yourself a break.
Nick is silent a second too long. You start to panic. “Like, I think I'm trans.” Your voice goes up at the end like it's a question.
It's not. You're certain. You made sure you were certain long before you came out.
“Thank you for telling me,” Nick says awkwardly. You nearly laugh; his floundering is oddly soothing. “Do the others—”
“No.” You shake your head. “No one else knows.”
“Oh, wow. Um… how long have you known?”
You think for a moment. “I guess I always have, even if I didn't have the words for it. But I didn't know for sure until a few weeks ago.”
“So… do you have a name picked out?”
You stare at him, confused. You can see the others exiting McDonald’s in the background. “What?”
“I mean,” Nick backpedals, puts up his hands like he's offended you, “Most trans people change their name, and no offense, but you don't don't really have a guy’s name, so I was just wondering—”
“I do, though,” you say. “The nickname you gave me.”
Nick says nothing, just sort of stares at you, and for some reason your face grows hot.
(He really does look good, you think, and wow this is such an inappropriate time to be having that thought.)
Then the others bang on the windows and demand to be let in, and the moment is ruined.
***
It gets worse before it gets better.
You decide not to come out to your parents until you absolutely have to. You do, however, come out to the rest of the friend group, and they're mostly accepting.
But it's not like you press a button and become a man overnight. Word gets around, and though no one says anything to your face, you hear them laugh behind your back. Some of your teachers who had been fine calling you by your nickname beforehand refuse to use it anymore.
You don't let it get to you. You give as good as you get. Still, as always, Nick is your biggest supporter. You don't know what you'd do without him.
***
You stay friends, but you fall out of touch.
It happens. You still text on birthdays, still congratulate him on his channel, still send each other memes on Instagram, but one day you blink and realize you haven't actually seen him in almost a year.
You've been busy. You have your own life, your own friends, but Nick is your best and oldest one. Always has been, and you're hoping always will be. So of course you text “hey, next time you're in Boston we should hang out or smth” and of course he agrees.
You suggest McDonald's, just for old time's sake, but Nick insists you go to an actual restaurant. He picks a more expensive one, and as you're trying to work out a polite way to say “thanks, but I'm way too poor for that”, he texts:
NICK: my treat btw
YOU: nah man you don't have to
YOU: but we might have to go somewhere cheaper sorry
NICK: it’s fine. i'll pay. i probs owe u hundreds from hs still lmao
YOU: true true
YOU: if you're sure
Nick never answers, which you assume means ‘yes’.
You show up almost half an hour early. You brought your wallet and you're prepared to put up a valiant fight for your fair share of the bill, bank account be damned.
You’re also anxious like you havent been since high school, probably. You don't know why. Nick's your friend, after all, even if you've drifted apart a bit. There's nothing to be anxious about.
Nick shows up ten minutes early.
Huh, you think, and then stop thinking.
At least you weren't completely blindsided this time. You knew what Nick looked like from his channel and his Insta, but he’s… different in person.
He’s even better. You don't think you're ugly (not anymore, at least), but you're no supermodel. Nick is, or he could be, definitely.
He hugs you, and when he leans back he looks you up and down and frowns. “You grew.”
You shrug. “Side effect of testosterone.”
“That makes you grow?”
“It can if you start it before twenty.” Your face grows hot. Here Nick is, some airbrushed God, and you're going through second puberty. You have acne. You have the little shitty mustache you used to mock boys for.
You have gained a few inches, though. Now you're about level with Nick’s chin instead of his chest. Makes hugs a bit more awkward.
Nick is still frowning at you. “Are these a side effect, too?” He squeezes your bicep before stepping back.
Your face burns even hotter. “Sort of. I work out.” You flex on instinct, and you swear Nick’s eyes follow the movement with just a little too much heat.
You must be hallucinating.
You expect the dinner to be awkward. And it is, at first, until Nick clears his throat and says, “I have a confession to make.”
You eye him warily. He seems serious. “What is it?”
Nick fidgets, avoiding your eyes. “You know the name I gave you?”
“Yeah?”
“The one that's now your legal name?”
“What about it?”
Nick covers his mouth with his hand. His shoulders shake with silent laughter. “It—” He wheezes. “It was my cousin’s pet turtle’s name!”
You gape.
And just like that, it's like nothing ever changed.
You burst into laughter. “I can't believe it,” you hiss. “And you never told me?”
“I was just listing off names I knew,” he says apologetically. “It could've been worse. You could've been named after my cousin.”
“Oh my god.” You cover your face with your hands. “Is that why Matt and Chris looked at me so weird when I told them?”
Nick starts laughing again. “Yeah. I'm sorry, man.”
You uncover your face and sigh, shaking your head. “Where are they, anyways?” You ask. “I thought they'd come with you.” Though now that you thought about it, Nick never said ‘we’ in his texts, only ‘I’. Huh.
“They wanted to say hi,” Nick says apologetically. “I made them stay home.”
“Why?”
To your surprise, Nick goes red.
It all clicks into place. The fancy restaurant. Nick’s insistence on paying. The fucking bicep squeeze.
You smile and lean forward. “Nick Sturniolo,” you say. “Is this a date?”
Nick, to his credit, recovers quickly. “If you want it to be,” he says softly. He actually meets your eyes and everything.
You meet his, too.
“I do.”
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t0ast-ghost · 1 month
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HIIII Episode 10 (Dagger Of The Mind) time! I made it to ten! Now only… one.. seven… twenty… seventy four episodes to go!
Here’s the review:
- remember kids; when trying to beam something down to a penal colony they have to remove their shields first
- that is a whole ass man.. HOW DID YOU MISS THAT WHOLE ASS MAN
- no but seriously even airports can check for human tissue like- I forgot this was made in the 60s I’m stupid stfu t0ast
- “more like a resort colony” my ass, Kirk
- BONES!!! He just kinda stands on the bridge (for no reason) and stares at what’s happening (at Jim)
- wow two redshirts dead in five minutes
- okay Bones walks over to Spock FOR NO REASON and I’m pretty sure he just wants to bicker
- my name is WHAT my name is WHO my name CHICKACHICKA Van Gelder
- why would destroying one control panel kill the ship?!? Design flaw imo
- “that doesn’t ring true�� what are you a truth detector? I thought he was a doctor
- I love Bones “going against” Kirk (he’s smiling the whole damn time) and Spock backing him up
- “oh yeah I’m sending down Dr. Noel” REVEAL SHES A WOMAN OH MY GOD
- why’d he need to bring Spock down to the transporter room? Emotional support? He’d miss his boyfriend?
- Lethe? Isn’t that the river of uhhh- ummm ugmmm… I forgor
- I like whatever was happening with the light in Lethe’s eyes
- awwwe Spock and Bones working together
- STOP CUTTING OFF DR. NOEL
- WHY WOULD YOU STAY THERE OVERNIGHT?!? Kirk would NOT survive a horror movie. He’d be first to die (comment down below)
- McCoy is like “Our boyfriend could be in danger, use your damn mind magic”
- OHHH OKAY I SEE WHY VULANS MEDITATE. The words he speaks to Van Gelder are a lot like being lead through meditation
- I LOBE THIS SCENE! The dialogue from Van Gelder, the movements and prompts from Spock, MCCOYS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
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- Kirk catapulting into danger right after they TOLD HIM NOT TO
- “and now she’s gone” “helen” I thought he was gonna shout or smt so when he just said “helen” it got me
- you know how this would be so much more tragic? If (canonically) Kirk was dating someone else aboard the ship *cough* you know *cough cough* and then the evil doctor implanted the idea he was in love with Dr. Noel and then him having to deal with the idea of loving both her and the other… anyway
- “Kirk to enterprise.. ughhkghjkk”
- He is literally the worst.. girlfailure
- people are too good at hiding in plain sight
- KIRK NOT AFRAID TO PUNCH A BITCH
- she- she just killed a guy.. good for her
- THE FUCKIN- the sitcom ass look Spock gives Jim like “oh really dr Adams did this”
- MCCOY!!! yeah he’s around. HE’S DEAD JIM MOME- oh no “he’s dead, captain” goddamnit Bones
- “can you imagine the mind emptied by that thing. Without even a tormentor” was a line most definitely meant for Spock and Bones but Dr.Noel saying “I understand” reminds me that she is indeed there not just observing but participating
- Bones just causally leaning against the back of his chair
- does he know? Does he even know that most medical officers don’t normally lean like that against your chair?
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- OMG I SAW A POST ABOUT THE “it’s hard to believe a man could die of loneliness” “not when he’s sat in that room” AND THEN KIRK LOOKS OVER TO SPOCK AND SMILES
- he’s so surrounded by loved ones bro is beaming
Anyway all in all a good tenth episode!
I made a master list of all my Star Trek tos thought posts :D
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shrxmps · 2 years
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Hiii, can I request something smutty with Eddie where they go to lovers lake and go skinny dipping? With she/her pronouns please and thank you❤️
note: i literally had to google what lovers lake because i forgor💀 not proof read (its nearly 1AM as im typing this) also i hope this is what u meant by smutty because i kinda went all out LMAODISJS hope u enjoy <33 (and please do not actually have sex in a lake you could catch diseases, and water makes it harder for friction to happen)
warnings: public sex, degrading, c*mming inside reader
ko-fi | ao3
"Come on, are you shy or what?" Eddie chuckled, throwing off his shirt on the nearest rock before going to undo his belt.
Well, this wasn't the strangest thing you and Eddie had done, but it was still something new. And, you were kinda shy, even though he has seen your body countless times.
"Someone could see us, Eddie," you said, contradictory to what you were doing, removing your pants as you spoke.
"And?" Eddie responded, having removed his underwear and accesories a long time ago, sitting casually with his... limp dick in front of you. (im so sorry for this)
"Um," you said, embarrassed, trying to look away from his.. you know, "People could think we're doing... something else."
Eddie came up to you and unclasped your bra, sticking his mouth on your neck for a brief second to kiss it sloppily, sending chills up your spine. Next, he slowly removed your panties, toying with the waistband before getting down on his knees to pull them down.
"This reminds me of something," he chuckled, getting up to put your bra and panties near the rest of your clothes, grabbing your hand to guide you towards the lake.
You both giggled, entering the cold water slowly, clenching your teeth and hoping you won't drown today. After you accommodated with the water temperature, you began splashing around and playing, laughing loudly while pulling each other under the water.
"This is so fun, I don't know why we've never done this before!" you exclaimed, going up to your boyfriend, who was leaning against a rock wall circling the lake, to rest on his chest.
"Um... I think you can feel why we don't really do this," he said, his cheeks reddening up as you looked at him.
Yep. He was hard. Like, rock hard. You could feel him throbbing as you pressed your body against his. You contemplated on what you should do given the circumstances. I mean, he was hot, you were also aroused at that moment, but anyone could have walked in on you. But maybe, the risk is what made it fun.
You guided his member towards your aching hole, Eddie attaching his mouth to yours while his hands ran up your body, squeezing your boobs and ass, before lifting you up to switch positions so you were now the one leaning on the cold wall.
Wrapping your legs around his waist, he started moving swiftly in and out of you, trying to push deeper inside you with each thrust while his mouth sucked purple bruises on your neck. Soft moans left your mouth, trying to muffle them with your hand as Eddie quickened his pace and rubbed fast circles around your clit.
"I hope someone's watching us, so they can see how much of a slut you are," he breathed into your ear, clenching around him at his filthy words.
You could only moan as a response, feeling his tip abusing your G-spot as the a knot began forming into your stomach. Sweat was dripping all over both of your bodies, and Eddie's hungry look in his eyes could tell you he was also close, and wanted to finish inside you more than ever.
"I'm cumm--," you tried to say, but were interrupted by a string of curse words and moans leaving your mouth as the overwhelming sensation washed over you. With a couple of final thrusts, Eddie painted your walls white with his seed, pushing himself deep inside you while panting and groaning around your mouth.
Pulling away and looking at each other, you both grinned ear to ear, laughing before getting out of the lake to get dressed. It was going to be a long night, indeed.
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wraenata · 10 months
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i meant to send you an ask a while ago but irl stuff distracted me and i forgor ahsjdkdfk
but ANYWAY. now im here so 16 25 and 27 for the ask game! 💜
Oof sorry I took a bit, had to catch up on everything!
16. Thoughts on mint chocolate chip
I love mint chocolate chip. What kind of toothpaste are you all using that you think they taste the same?! XD I love mint. My tums which sustain me are mint flavored haha
25. Would you say you have good taste in music?
Oh definitely not. See, we were not allowed to listen to secular music growing up. That means anything that was not christian music. So for the longest time it was just songs from disney movies or christmas music. I actually grew to hate christian music. I told my parents and sister I just preferred quiet to music so I could mayyybe convince them to turn it down. So much fighting with my sister over this oof.
So yeah, in middle school I discovered the warrior cat fandom on youtube, and that was my first intro to "real" music. So many amvs (cause yeah I started when amvs were the things before maps got popular). Had to watch in secret though. I didn't really start listening to music until COLLEGE. And even then I only had youtube, so finding new music was relegated to what fandom video someone made. The first song I had an emotional reaction to was Talk by Coldplay lol. It was actually a tmnt idw panel video about the aftermath of city fall haha. I used to write the lyrics of these new songs I discovered in my notebooks during college lectures oof.
Though it's gotten easier over the years, that is primarily how I have discovered music. I probably tell you exactly where every song I have saved came from fandom wise. That's why I love when you guys make playlists, it introduces new music to me.
Sometimes I like to try and guess the artist of a song, or the decade, and my bestie is always proud of me when I get it right XD
So yeah my taste in music is really weird, it's whatever is thrown in front of me that I decide I like. The only band I can think of that I found on my own with no fandom connection would be AJR, and that's a stretch because it came off of She-Ra sort of.
27. What is your go to outfit?
You know all those shows growing up where there were always girl characters where they were always total fashionistas? Couldn't be me. Could never ever ever relate. Ever.
My preferred outfit is a graphic tee with a cute animal on it, and jeans or capris. Still getting used to wearing shorter shorts haha. If it's cooler I have several baggy sweatshirts I have amassed over the years. If I'm at home it's tshirts and pajama pants haha. I don't like to be fancy. All of my shoes are grey.
Thank you so much for the ask! I hope you have a wonderful day and no phone screen cracks!
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I MEANT TO SEND OC ASK EARLIER BUT I FORGOR umm blink my best friend blink 2, 5, 26 ok love you mwah
KISSING YOUON THE LIPS BEAUTIFULLY THANKYOU FOR TH
2. what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?
omg. has just occurred to me i never fuckinged thinked about music in this setting. Really i should because like onue/no widows is a dancer.... wowie. i think probably blink's music likes are mostly things from her childhood, stuff that people she grew up with sang. any religiously influenced music would bother her.... maybe she would like the things onue's troupe performs. Oaoaoaoa love to think about this now
5. how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?
practicality for sure. she is generally an ascetic out of like, spite. she sinks into the background. she dislikes being seen as her station. she has to wear fancier things on occasion out of tradition but hates doing so because it compresses her into her role. she might like to be appearance-conscious and have fun with it, if she didn't have Other Neuroses taking precedence.
26. how do they move? are they clumsy? light on their feet? do they use mobility aids?
i... don't entirely know! i feel like she might be more exhausted in manner in her later years (which are, not even thirty, sorry girl). she's ill, she's depressed, she's never slept well since she was a child. she used to be a more visibly strange person when she was younger, more erratic. now she just walks until she doesn't.
Tankyou for the ask also because i needed JUICE for chattering abou her to a friend. time to slay the emptiness of the google doc!!
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