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7wanderingpaws · 3 years

Text

Mess We Made - second (m)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: arranged marriage au (not bbh), doctor AU, university AU (this chapter only), fluff, ANGST

Words: 12K

WARNINGS: language, unprotected sex, terrible family relations, stalking

Quick A/N: Goodness. This is long. I need to sleep! ENJOY! And thank you for patiently waiting ❤

tags: @byunfirstlady @blackon @puppyeoliepop @in3vitably3v3 @mangobaek @bobohumyonlyboo @wooya1224 @exortedgoods @gureuma ( if you want to be tagged/untagged please reply to this post)

>> A very special shoutout to @byunfirstlady because she rocks and deserves all the best! ><

parts: first -- second -- third -- fourth (last)

Mess We Made, part 2

Gentle puffs of hot air were hitting the shell of your ear as he was whispering something to you. The tip of his nose was poking you in the side of your cheek and you giggled, squirming away from him but his hand under your shirt and on your hip were preventing you from doing so.

“Where are you off to,” he whispered teasingly again, smiling widely as he bit your earlobe gently while his arm tightened around you. He wasn’t letting you squirm away that easily. “It’s too early.”

“You literally didn’t let us sleep the whole night,” you whispered back, still shimmying under his wandering hand. “It’s basically time to get up and my eyes are stinging from having no rest,” you pouted, blinking them a few times to prove a point. You were lying on your back while Baekhyun was propped on one elbow, hovering over you. Baekhyun’s shirt was the only piece of clothing on you. While he was completely naked, it seemed to be his second nature by now. After so much time together, his personality and preferences were more than familiar to you.

“Because I want to enjoy you as much as I can. And because I don’t want you to go,” he whined quietly and you giggled again, turning on your side to face him, hiding in his chest. “I really don’t want you to go, love. What do I do?”

You kissed his chest and looked up at him with a small smile. “I won’t go then.”

Baekhyun returned the smile but there was something in his eyes- that something giving you slight uneasiness. He was hesitating. Usually, he would immediately agree and it wasn’t like he had to beg you to stay; if anything, you had to beg him to kick you out because there was no way you would willingly leave his place and his warmth by your own choice.

“But I will have to go,” you added, verbalizing the sentence he secretly wished to hear but wouldn’t voice it. “Since my parents are waiting for me.” You didn’t give two damns about your parents. You really, really didn’t. But Baekhyun did. So you should, too.

Baekhyun caressed your hip bone, his hand sliding over your tummy where he tickled you, causing you to squirm once again under his touch. “I will meet you later, if you want,” he said, smiling when he saw your lips widely stretched in a silent laugh. “We can go to the coffee shop and be a little productive.”

You groaned, hiding your face in his chest again. Baekhyun let his hand slide over your back, enjoying the warmth your skin was emitting. “I don’t want to study. I want to cuddle you and kiss you and just feel you.”

Baekhyun’s chuckle was quiet but so handsome. He kissed your neck lovingly, puckering his lips three, four times. His lips were so smooth and soft; you wished you could stop the time now and live in the moment forever. “You felt me the whole night, didn’t you?” he rasped.

“Besides,” you added and leaned back a bit to look at his affectionate gaze. “We have some free time now before university starts.” His messy hair was falling over his eyes and you hummed, sliding your fingers through the strands, brushing them back and revealing his forehead. “Let’s make the most out of that. Just you and me.”

The air in the room felt warm. Whether it was from the activities you did the whole night or because you simply couldn’t not blush under his hooded eyes, you wouldn’t know. But when he leaned in to kiss you, unable to hold back any longer, you knew it was simply Baekhyun’s presence that was keeping you hot inside. With his hand on your naked skin, with his tongue teasing your lips or just a simple smile was what kept you burning hot, passion swallowing you and blinding you at the same time. If you were to keep walking, it was because of him. Thanks to him.

There were no cars parked in front of your house as you typed in the code for the tall wooden gate. Usually, there was some guest present but it was unusually peaceful. It almost made you excited because you naively believed your parents wouldn’t be home. Them not being home equaled time to yourself and more time to think through how you would approach the upcoming (dreader) discussion.

Stupid marriage, you thought unhappily as you entered the house. Making a beeline towards the kitchen, you were surprised yet again to find it empty. Wasn't it almost lunch time? Where were the maids? And the cooks?

It was all too strange which made you walk around, what was an obviously empty, house in order to find someone. Sure, your house was huge, and getting easily lost in it was a common issue for guests who were not hosted well, but this was beyond everything you expected.

Making the final decision to check your father’s office, you stopped in front of the sturdy wooden door. No sounds were coming from there, but the wood was too thick anyways. Clearing your throat gently, you opened the door and walked in the spacious room. It was also vacant, his chair turned to the side as if someone stood up from it in a hasty manner. Some documents were scattered around his otherwise well-organized table, so there wasn't anything out of ordinary until you felt a presence behind you, and you turned. You let out a shocked gasp when you saw your mother’s strict, emotionless face while standing straight with her arms crossed on her chest. She was, as per usual, well-dressed, her make-up one shade too light for her darker skin making her seem almost lifeless. You shuddered, but before you could react, she snapped.

“Do you like what you see? Empty house, no maids to run around you nor your family to welcome you?”

This time, you were really startled by her words. “What?”

“This is what will happen if you continue disobeying us, dear daughter. There won't be anyone to tend to your needs, no one to cook for you, to clean for you, not even me and your father will be there if you continue meeting that boy.”

You snorted, disbelief written all of your face as you sent daggers with your eyes. She dared to attack and mention Baekhyun again? “What is wrong with you-”

“Where were you last night until now?”

Scrambling to compose your still shocked state, you muttered: “You know where I was.”

She let out a humorless laugh and you noticed her jaw clenching. “What do you think you are doing? What were you even doing?” She reached out to the collar of your dress and yanked it sideways, revealing your collarbones along with your shoulder. Even though you didn't see exactly what she was looking at, you knew very well what she found there. You felt your heart jump in fear.

“Fooling around with him in bed?” she grumbled and snapped her cold eyes at you. “Letting him mark you? You little bitch.” The back of her hand landed with your cheek, the sting bringing tears to your eyes as your head snapped to the side, your hair covering half of your face from the strong blow. “How stupid must you be to be this irresponsible?!”

You held the abused cheek, biting your lip hard to prevent you from letting out a sob. You turned at her. “How dare you! I told you I will not comply and let that other man touch me-”

Her hand landed again on your cheek; the other one. “Wrong answer.”

You stepped away from her before she could hit you again, now letting the tears fall from your eyes. “You're crazy, mother,” you whispered, “you and father are both crazy.”

“That other man is your future husband,” she seethed, making a menacing step closer to you which prompted you to step back. “And he won't accept you cheating behind his back with some kid-”

“Stop talking about him like he is a no one!” you screeched loudly, losing your calm, surprising your mother and yourself in the process. Seeing your mother was finally silenced, you added: “He is the one I love, mum! I already said I will marry the guy, but you cannot take Baekhyun away from me! He is the only good thing I have in my life,” you cried. Your tears were scorching hot on your already reddened cheeks, just like Baekhyun's warmth that you were supposed to leave behind.

“The only good thing?” she repeated, disgusted. “After everything we have provided for you - you always had food and luxury! The least you can do to repay us is to do as we say!” she shouted, swishing her hands in the air. “I didn't even tell you off when you kept bringing bad grades home. I didn't bother. After all, you went to a useless, regular high school with no reputation. But right now, when I am telling you to do as I say, you decide to go against me?! I won't tolerate it! You will break up with him, and you will marry Mr Kwon. I made arrangements already, and he won’t impregnate you until you are done with university.”

Your gasp was loud, overwhelming the both of you, but your mother was faster to brush it off and continue with her nonsense. Her words were like a cut of a dagger; precise, because she knew your weak points, and very painful, because her goal was to wound you and eventually destroy you, leaving you in pain that would make you surrender to her orders.

“Impregnate?” you finally let out, voice trembling. “What the actual hell! I TOLD YOU. I am not letting him touch me.”

“Well,” she pressed an ugly, wrinkly smile, “you will have to. We need an heir. A boy.”

Sick. You were sick to your stomach at the idea of Mr Kwon smiling at you, let alone touch you at your most private parts and let him take you. The idea was maddening, and you desperately wanted to pull at your hair, hoping it would be a good enough sign for your mother to understand you didn't want to be part of an arranged marriage.

“Mum,” you whimpered finally, letting more tears fall as you connected your hands in front of your chest, pleading. “Mum, please. Don't do this. I will… I will do anything else you want me to, but please… You can't simply let him sleep with me.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You're acting as if you haven't been bedded already,” she said through gritted teeth. She was so disgusted by you, you couldn't help but take the hurt. Family was supposed to support you, be warm and kind and helpful, but her and your father were anything but. However, it never ceased to hurt you; the way she looked impersonal towards you, and right now, disgusted. As if you were some trash; someone unworthy of love and understanding.

“Please,” you whispered, closing your eyes for a moment.

“Wash up,” she grumbled resolutely before her eyes fell on the still exposed shoulder, “and hide that stupid mark with some make-up. Mr Kwon will be over for dinner-”

“NO!” you screeched, stomping your foot. “I WILL NOT MEET HIM!”

“Unless you want me to beat you up until your pretty-for-nothing face is marked just like he marked your neck, then I advise you to go. Wash. Up.” She turned around and walked away with resolute steps.

There was a crack within you; it literally felt like a knife slashing through your weak organ that was your heart.

“You’re cruel, mother!” you shouted after her, despite her not paying you any more attention, and you ran out of the office and up the wide staircase that would lead you to the only place you could hide in. Your room.

Shaky hands grabbed at the hair tie, yanking it out of your hair and throwing it across the spacious room. It was followed by your dress, also thrown to the other side while you stomped to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind you. Its surface was cold on the skin of your naked back as you slid down, sobbing.

How many times have you been in this position already? How many times have you cried like this, despair pooling in the pit of your stomach, hoping, praying that things would somehow magically turn over and you’d feel some sort of relief? That relief never came and your misery would only worsen. Maybe it was exactly because of your high hopes, you thought as your sobbing slowly ceased, leaving you with only quiet whimpers and a throbbing headache. Maybe it was because, at the end of the day, you’d have Baekhyun who would bring out all the best and kindest and the most positive parts out of your suffering soul.

The thought of him made you only weep again, but you became determined as well. For him, you’d do anything. Anything.

He said to obey.

And you would.

Just before the main guest would arrive, your mother pushed a familiar pink gift bag into your hand. “You didn’t even open this ever since you decided to grace us with your presence,” she pressed through her gritted teeth, holding back from raising her voice. As much as she wished to smack you, she also didn’t want to cause a ruckus just before Mr Kwon would arrive. She needed you to look your best, which you did. “Open it and make sure to mention the gift,” she ordered and took a sharp look-over at your dressed up figure.

As promised, you hid all the hickeys Baekhyun left on you blinded by his passion and desire last night. The polite black dress was hugging your curves just in the gentlest ways, not too much but still leaving a good image of what you were hiding underneath. The colour of your stockings was of your skin, but with a glistening touch, making your legs look more desirable. Hair politely combed, wavy at the ends and tucked behind your ears. Perfect.

“Finally you know how to dress up properly to your age,” mumbled your mother. When you didn’t respond and averted your gaze to the ground, she hesitated before heaving out a sigh. “He’ll be here soon,” she turned around to leave your room. “Prepare.”

You were surprised when your mother shut the door quietly behind herself, giving you the necessary time to actually get ready and collect your thoughts.

The bag, just as yesterday, felt heavy in your fingers and you decided to finally take out the small, cream-coloured box, most probably promising a pricey gift. Sitting down at the edge of your bed, you quickly opened it to find a pretty set of earrings and a necklace. Earrings consisted of two pearls while the necklace was a simple silver necklace with a single pearl in the middle.

Noticing their unusual shape, you could tell right away that they were real pearls. Each piece of irregular shape made the actual stone throw all kinds of colors of the rainbow. It was beautiful, it really was, but not something you’d expect from someone you had never met. It strengthened the idea that what was about to go down in the future was, in fact, real. He was pursuing you.

Sighing tiredly, you felt your eyes burning up once again but was abruptly stopped when your phone vibrated on the vanity where you left it. Quickly moving to take it, you instantly smiled when you saw Baekhyun’s picture and his caller ID on display.

“Baby,” you sighed breathily, eager to hear his voice.

First you heard his handsome chuckle before he spoke: “My princess. Just wanted to check on you. I told you to text me once you’re home,” he scolded gently.

You bit your lip before quickly releasing it, remembering you had lipstick on. “Sorry I got… busy,” you murmured eventually. Not sure whether to tell him about the dinner, you decided to keep quiet. If he heard your uncertainty, he’d know something was up right away.

He hummed. “There was no trouble, right?” His voice was careful, hesitant. He always trusted you but he also knew you would lie if he asked.

You lied anyway. “Of course. You know I’m not that easily breakable, right? There is no need to worry, Baekhyun.”

He sighed. “I always worry about you.” And about your family hurting you. He kept that to himself though. “But as long as I hear your voice and know your fine, it’s more than enough.”

You closed your eyes, desperately wishing you could be with him, in his bed, while he studied and you’d observe him. Anything would be better than the situation you were in now. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” he was fast to reply. “Always. I missed you even before you left this morning.”

You giggled, covering your mouth even though no one saw you. “I’ll gladly sneak out tonight.”

“No. Stay home. Don’t want you getting into trouble-“

“You know I’d do it even with you disapproving.”

“Oh, I know you would, sweetheart. I know.”

“I’d do anything for you, Baekhyun,” you whispered, “in a heartbeat.”

He was silent for a moment. You weren’t sure why he wasn’t replying, but then again, your words bore quite a powerful meaning. “And I’d do anything to protect you and keep you happy.”

Burning tears came to life when you heard his low voice, sending shocks down your body. “Then never leave me.”

Silence again.

“Baekhyun,” you muttered, “promise me you won’t leave me.”

Why wasn’t he replying as fast as he did just a few moments ago? Were you asking for too much? Were you crossing boundaries? That made you scoff. You and him had such a strong and intimate relationship, there was no space for any boundaries. Your relationship seemed to be limitless.

“I won’t leave you, love,” was his answer finally. “I love you too fucking much for me to leave you.”

“Then that’s enough,” you sighed shakily, knowing it was time for you to hang up and face the dreaded. “As long as I know you love me and won’t leave me, all will be well.”

The silence in the dining room was one of the worst things your life had put you through. The chewing sounds, clinking of the cutlery along with slurping were the only noises that you heard physically, while your mind was about to explode with your thoughts.

Mr Kwon was sitting directly opposite you, to your misfortune, while your parents were seated in their usual spots, your father being at the head of the table. It was almost the absolute end of you when the servers put octopuses on the table as the main dish. Shooting them a horrified glare, they could only widen their eyes at you, silently asking for your forgiveness when they knew octopuses made you puke your guts out. Just the sight triggered your gag reflex and you ended up swallowing the rice through the wrong pipe, causing you to start a spree of aggressive coughing. Definitely not lady-like.

“Oh my, look at you,” chided your mother who was next to you, tapping your back with good enough power. “You eat too fast, darling,” she said knowingly and when you turned to glare at her, she only chuckled, taking in your red face.

“Maybe have octopuses,” suggested Mr Kwon with a chuckle as he reached for one right away. “They certainly won't make you suffocate.”

Your presence alone is suffocating enough, you thought bitterly but made sure to break a smile to show respect even though it was killing you. Quickly reaching for a jar with water, you wanted to pour yourself some very much needed liquid when you saw the man's hand in your line of vision, and he poured you water.

“Eat carefully, miss,” he murmured, giving you the slightest of honest smiles.

You bowed your head in gratitude before gulping down. It gave you the relief you desperately seeked, but the sight of the octopuses was creating an uncomfortable bulge in your stomach.

“So, now that we enjoyed the main dishes, we shall talk about some business, what do you say, Mr Kwon?” suggested your father in a friendly manner, connecting his fingers as he rested his elbows on the table.

Mr Kwon nodded. “Oh, yes, we shall do that. The meal was terrific, by the way.”

“Thank you, I will make sure to tell the kitchen staff,” smiled brightly your mother, hiding her grin behind her hand. You tried not to shudder at the tense, over-polite atmosphere, but on the other hand you were dying to find out more about your fate. With Baekhyun on your mind, you braced yourself, ready to fight for whatever was to come.

Your father gave you a brief glance before facing the expectant Mr Kwon. “Well, I suppose we should set a wedding date. Given we discussed most of the business part, we should now focus on you and our daughter.”

“Yes, yes. I would like to suggest marriage once she enters university,” proposed Mr Kwon importantly and you felt blood leaving your face immediately. “As you know, I would also like to get to know her better and I believe that if we will start our marriage early on, we both can earn ourselves some valuable time before starting a family. I also do not want her to steer away from me too much.”

No. No, no, no. “Actually, may I say-”

“No, you may not,” muttered your mother, squeezing your thigh under the table. She quickly looked at Mr Kwon who had a questioning look. “Would you like the ceremony when her first semester starts? You see, she is a good student, so I'd like her not to steer away from her studies too much.”

Surprised, you stole a glance at your mother, but she was facing your future husband. Your heartbeat was frantic in your chest and you swore you would pass out at the idea of your mother trying to protect you in some twisted manner, despite her fighting you like a wild bull.

“What do you suggest, then?” asked Mr Kwon, his attention fully on your mother.

She took a deep breath and her hand left your thigh, leaving behind a warm, but uncomfortable feeling on your skin. “Marriage after graduation.”

The man in question raised his eyebrows slowly, thinking over the suggested idea. Meticulously, he scrutinized your mother before his eyes fell on your wavering gaze. It was almost scorching, and you couldn't help but look down at your lap where your hands were politely connected. Noticing the sickeningly white skin of your knuckles, you didn't realize you were squeezing them together in order to fight the nerves.

“Alright,” he rasped eventually, causing you to raise your head in hope. “Under some conditions, though.”

Your heart died a little bit at that, but it didn't matter. You had four years ahead. Four years of freedom. With Baekhyun. “I am to do what my initial plan was,” he started, “and that is to get to know my future wife well. I do respect her needs, however I would like to visit her on various occasions and take her out, too. She shouldn't be a newbie to the house where I live in, so I demand to have at least one night with her-”

“Oh, Mr Kwon,” chimed in your mother nonchalantly, while your father shot her a warning look, “let me remind you that we would like our daughter to finish her bachelor degree on time. Which means we wouldn't want unwelcome pregnancies or such.”

Your throat went dry and you almost whimpered at the horrific idea.

“Are you suggesting no physical contact until after marriage?”

“Excuse me,” you said in a tiny tone, withering under the adults' strict gazes, “but this is my life and my body we talk about here.” You bravely looked at Mr Kwon's face. “As much as I understand and respect your request, I do not wish to do anything more until we know each other well enough,” you hesitated, before adding, “until I feel ready. You know yourself that I am still young and have a desire to live a little bit before I will settle down with you.”

“By living a little bit I hope you do not mean finding other boyfriends,” he cut in, the slightest of scoffs tinting his voice. “From this moment on, you are to tend to me only.”

“Actually-”

“Actually,” this time your mother cut in, her hand back on your thigh, wordlessly silencing you, “we understand your request.” She paused and you held your breath. “We agree, of course. She shouldn't be seeing anyone else besides you.”

“And has she been seeing anyone else before?” quipped Mr Kwon, leaning back in his chair, his stance somehow lazy. “Does she have experience? Has she been bedded before?”

You winced and your head snapped to your father, your eyes pleading with him to do something.

“I'd rather not…” your father trailed off, obvious discomfort on his face, “talk about this. We promised you our daughter and we are willing to make the wedding ceremony once she graduates in four years. Until then, you are to pursue her,” he decided, authority now dripping from his voice. “Feel free to contact her, but our conditions are as I stated just now. Marriage after graduation. Otherwise, we comply with your requests to be with her. She won't be seeing anyone else. Do not worry, Mr Kwon.”

Mr Kwon was watching you and that scared you. Was the fact that you were in a relationship written all over your face? You hoped not, even though you desperately wanted to tell him that yes, indeed, you had a boyfriend. You already had someone who occupied every possible space in your heart and in your mind.

“Alright,” said the guest, “may I suggest a little talk face to face here with our young miss?”

“But of course!” agreed your mother without hesitation and in no time, her and your father were gone, both of them shooting you warning glares. If only they could support you for once. Was that too much to ask for? Though you had to be honest. You were satisfied that you still had something you could hold for yourself.

“Miss,” Mr Kwon snapped you out of your thoughts. He stood up and walked over to you, motioning for you to stand up as well. You hastily did, quickly adjusting your skirt, which didn't go unnoticed by his sharp eyes. Feeling your cheeks reddening, you didn't look up.

He was quiet for a little while longer before softly muttering: “My gift looks very pretty on you. I have to say, I feel baffled that you decided to wear the pearls for me.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, but you still refused to look up at him. It was anything but for him.

“I assume you must be startled by the events, but I assure you I won't harm you. In the adult world, it is only normal to follow natural instincts though,” he murmured again as he made a step closer. “And you are definitely a breath-takingly beautiful young woman.” Suppressing the shivers, you nodded to show you were listening. He chuckled lowly. “No need to be shy around me. I prefer my women brave and confident. Like they know what they want.”

You raised your head now, reciprocating the eye contact. “In that case - I am still eighteen, Mr Kwon. I would appreciate it if you respect that.”

“I didn't even do anything,” he laughed again, shaking his head, taking your words as a joke. “But I like it. Okay. You got me. I will ask your parents for your telephone number and from now on,” he paused and leaned in a little closer, his strong cologne hitting your nose, “we shall deal with everything privately. Just the two of us.” He leaned back, checking your face for some reaction. You were shaken. “Alright?”

You nodded, wanting it to be quickly over. “Alright.”

“I'll make sure no one else will roam around you, miss. From today on, you are mine.”

It was yet another of the many times that you cried in your bed. Guilty feelings eating you away, the creeping sense of disgust at everything that you had to listen to and become part of sooner than later.

You were trying to think your situation over - how you could trick Mr Kwon to make him believe you weren't seeing anyone. In a way, you were thankful your mother and father never mentioned you already having a boyfriend as much as you wanted to shout it to the whole world. It was better to keep Baekhyun a secret which was basically one step to being in a relationship you didn't want to be. Baekhyun already became a forbidden fruit and you wondered what would happen if Mr Kwon found out.

You never told Baekhyun what was the deal between your parents and Mr Kwon. As much as he knew you were secretive and he tried to be the same Baekhyun as before, you couldn’t help the lurking feeling of your relationship's dynamics suddenly changing.

It shifted.

Unfortunately, in the wrong direction.

It’s been almost four years now that you’ve been attending university, meaning the sacred time to part was coming up, and you saw your boyfriend less and less. Even if the weather was nice and all you’ve asked was five minutes of his precious time, Baekhyun slowly but surely refused to give it to you. He would make sure to make it up later but the slightest hint of distance was palpable in his eyes and his touches.

In the beginning, you still enjoyed each other as much as you used to. He would bring you along to parties and show everyone you were together. You would bring him along to your get-togethers and make sure all the ladies knew he was yours. You slept at his place whenever you could and you were still just as crazy about each other as you used to be.

It was only once Mr Kwon started to take you out, asking for dinner dates and sometimes even making unannounced visits, was when your relationship started to break. You hated that word dearly; to break. You hated to use that word in the same sentence with Baekhyun's name. But you got the hunch that Baekhyun was suspicious. He knew something was up, he was not dumb. Suddenly, it was you rejecting his advances, it was you busy and with little time to spare. So you made sure he wouldn't get the hint and masked everything. Mr Kwon was not allowed to give you unannounced visits and you had to meet him somewhere far away from campus (it was convenient since he always treated you to expensive, tasteless food in Gangnam).

Over those few years, you and Baekhyun developed a routine; at the beginning of each semester, both of you exchanged your timetables. But in your final year, despite you knowing about Baekhyun's whereabouts, he would either stay later in school or hang out with his classmates. Thankfully, he took you many times with him - to lunches and dinners and get-togethers. Many of his friends there had girlfriends and you were never surprised that Baekhyun managed to win over almost everyone in his year. Because even if you were there as his girlfriend, his hand on your thigh to prove it, there were still so many girls, younger and older, swallowing him up with dark, hungry eyes.

Just where did the good old days go? In the good old days, you would be inseparable. There was no one who could stay between you two, even if it was your evil parents. He would kiss you, you would hug him, he would caress you and you would lay your head on his shoulder. You’d sneak out to see him, and he would create a new, safe home for you even if it meant just for a night. You risked so much to be with him; even now when you were under a scrutinizing watch of Mr Kwon, you’d always go and try to see Baekhyun.

So why was Baekhyun acting like this? With every passing day, he would drift away from you and you felt like you were trying to grasp onto him desperately, preventing him from leaving your side. Baekhyun was always by your side. He belonged there.

You were in your final year now, the beginning of a brand new, and last, semester when you decided to sign up for a fashion design class. You weren’t sure why you did it; the constant doodling as a way to get rid of your negative emotions, you grew to love grabbing a pencil and just let the sharp tip of it slide on the crisp surface of the paper. Fashion was something you always had to excel at given your reputation so when you found yourself sketching some pretty lingerie, you decided it wouldn’t be a bad move to attend a class that you actually liked, unlike the rest.

“But why does it have to be in the evening?” whined Baekhyun who was walking you to the seminar room. His hair was messy and it wasn’t because of your fingers. Apparently he had been in the library since 6am.

You sighed, and hugged your books closer to your chest, the chilly autumn evening catching you unprepared. You loved the deep red dress you wore today, but not only you were cold, but the heels were killing your feet too. “You’re always busy, Baekhyun. Why is it suddenly so difficult for you to accept that I will be busy one evening out of seven?”

He went silent and you knew you hit a sensitive spot. “You’re right.”

That made you feel… disappointed. He wouldn’t even try to fight anymore.

“Let’s talk after your class,” he suggested when you stopped in front of the classroom. There was some movement inside, most probably the professor preparing the materials for the seminar.

Baekhyun’s words left you feeling uneasy. “About what?”

He looked at you but his gaze was unreadable. He didn’t smile but didn’t frown either, until you saw the slightest clench of his jaw before he relaxed it. “About us.”

You instantly had tears in your eyes but you pressed your lips together, praying you wouldn’t start wailing now. Despite that, you shivered. “Maybe another time,” you tried.

“Sweetheart,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I really need to talk to you.”

“So when you want to talk to me I need to have time but when I was chasing you the past years, you couldn’t even give me five goddamn minutes of your precious time!”

He was taken aback at the raise of your voice but didn’t comment on it, nor did he act upon it. “I think you know that we have too many unresolved issues.”

“I don’t want to solve them,” you replied stubbornly.

He frowned. “What? What’s the matter with you?” he asked, exasperated. “You’ve been acting so strange,” he added, saying your name with so much seriousness it made you shiver again. “All I want is to talk.”

“But you will break up with me,” you said, voice low now and your chin trembling. “I know it. And I don’t want to.”

“No,” he was fast to whisper, shaking his head as he stepped closer to you, “I don’t want to break up with you, angel,” he whispered into your ear now, his hands gently cradling your head as he hugged you to him.

You whimpered, dropping your books so you could squeeze his slim waist and hide your face in his chest. His sweater had a pleasant scent of his detergent and it made you feel instantly at home. “Then what is it,” you gritted your teeth to prevent yourself from sobbing.

He sighed, knowing how he must have shattered you over the time. He grew distant, he was aware of that. But Baekhyun was also a perfectionist. He had to excel in classes, he had to make sure he knew what he was doing in order to become a qualified doctor as he always dreamed about. However, him being meticulous with his studies made him lose someone who was very special to him - you. “I miss you,” he whispered. “I just want to make sure we are in the clear. I want to spend more time with you. But I want to talk.”

“I’ve been missing you for so long,” you mumbled, ignoring the few students who were passing by and entering your classroom. He had a sad look on his face and you weren’t sure you wanted to know why. “I’ll come to your place. Will the other guys be out?”

He grasped your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I don’t know. I don’t care. Just head straight to my place, alright?” he said, attempting to smile.

Baekhyun was sharing an apartment with his friends just across the campus so it was convenient for him and for you. Even though they could be annoying sometimes, they knew not to play around you too much, given how ignorant you were towards anyone that wasn’t a Byun Baekhyun.

You nodded and Baekhyun hummed in acknowledgment, leaning in to kiss your forehead. You sighed, satisfied.

“Enjoy your class,” he murmured, his lips still brushing your skin. “I'll be waiting for you.”

Before he could let go of your hand and walk away, you pulled him towards you, ignoring his questioning gaze and stood on your tiptoes, pressing your lips together. You felt him heave out a soft breath before he cradled your face and angled you up to have better access as he teased you with his tongue.

Someone cleared their throat out of nowhere and you gasped, disattaching from Baekhyun's lips a smooch that made you blush. He let go of you when he zoomed in on someone and you turned to find a young professor standing in the doorway to the seminar room. “Are you joining my class?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Quickly bowing to him, you nodded, apologizing as you made your way to the classroom. Before the doors could completely close, you looked at Baekhyun who gave you a supportive smile.

You could smell cigarettes in the corridor as you stood in front of Baekhyun's apartment door. It wasn't the nicest building; some weird people lurking here and there, but you knew he worked hard to earn the place so you never told him how you actually felt about the place.

You typed in the code, letting yourself enter and quickly took off your heels, chasing the very much needed relief in your aching feet.

“You came.” Baekhyun appeared from his room, a big grey hoodie and black pants looking extra comfortable and cuddly on him.

He walked over to you and this time he initiated the small kiss. “How was class?” he asked, taking your bag from your hand as he moved to the kitchen. He was about to lift it up when your sketchbook fell out, the pages messily opening and splattering on the floor.

“It went very well,” you answered, watching him slowly pick up the sketch book, his eyes drinking in what he was seemingly missing out on the past year. Your sketches.

“Did you…” he trailed off, swallowing before looking up at you, “did you draw this? Did you come up with this?”

“Well, I had to present something to the teacher so that I wouldn't look too lost in his fashion class,” you smiled cheekily, sensing the unease Baekhyun was suddenly full of. He let his eyes follow you as you stepped towards him, taking the sketchbook from his frozen hand. “This is my personal favourite,” you said in a low voice, turning the pages until there were no more left. The last page was the only sketch you didn't show to your professor. Baekhyun was silent, but his eyes were sharp. They flickered from your face to the lingerie sketches that you were showing him.

Slowly, he took a deep breath, eyes scanning the figure that was resembling yours unlike the regular ones that you sketched before, for anyone's eyes. This one was meant for Baekhyun's eyes only and he was assured of it when he saw the small “unlock, bbh” under the sketch.

You knew Baekhyun loved wearing black colours despite his favourite one being red. So you decided to combine the dark with a deep, sultry red that oozed sexiness and confidence. Lace was so thinly sketched, it almost seemed like your skin was tattered with it. You never liked wearing thongs, so you made sure the underwear would be comfortable for you, instead filling the space with lace and silk.

It was a luxurious piece that you were confident you could actually wear one day if you would be determined enough to bring it to life.

“You see,” you started when silence was too much to bear, the growing tension made you feel all sorts of strong emotions, “I made it like a game for you, Baekhyun.” You took his index finger and pointed it at the paper where your left shoulder bra strap was drawn. “You won't unlock me until you find out one crucial point of this set. If you do, you'll unlock the entire outfit,” you told him, your voice low. “And what do I mean by unlock?” you asked, letting go of his finger and he looked at you from his side. “You'll get to see me in my whole glory. Just a simple click can give you access to everything that I am.”

Baekhyun was thinking about your words even though it had been a while since he spoke. Eventually, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control something you weren't aware of. “Is this what you did in your class?”

You snorted a laugh. “No, Baekhyun. This is just for you. My present to you,” you smiled at the idea. “One day.”

“How can you be so fucking sexy inside and out?” he grumbled and with one arm swiftly brought you to his chest, his hand tightly gripping your waist. His eyes flickered all over your features, taking in the make-up and the red lipstick that you knew he adored so much. How could he let himself ignore you when you were a full meal, a huge prey for any man with bad and good intentions? How could he not appreciate you every single day and tell you that he loved you and wanted to make love to you every single time he saw you?

You smiled up at him and he lost it. Despite the trouble and negative tension he created, you still dared to smile at him?

He claimed your lips, catching you by surprise but you moaned instantly when you felt his hands drag downwards over your hips and bum until reaching the backside of your thighs. Both of you were so familiar with each other's actions, that Baekhyun didn't have to tell you to jump anymore. You did so without his order and when he had you in his arms, you felt him right at your center instantly. You gasped, reacting to his body as you tried to shimmy your middle over him and he grunted into the kiss.

“Jesus, what are you doing to me, woman,” he breathed, his lips glistening with your mixed saliva before cradling your cheek with one hand, bringing you in for another dirty kiss.

You whined, growing wet right away. Squeezing his waist with your legs, he clumsily put you on the counter, accidentally knocking over some cups, but neither of you cared. Baekhyun was kissing your jaw, slowly making his way to your ear into which he whispered: “I need to fuck you right now.” He bit your earlobe and you moaned, wanting to close your legs but his hands were already pushing them apart. Your dress hiked up to your hips, revealing your underwear and you fumbled with his pants, your hands already inside to bring him out. Upon touching him, you gasped, looking at your boyfriend. He was hard.

“It's what you do to me all the damn time,” he whispered, panting when he felt your light touch. “I told you years ago, didn't I?” he smirked and pushed your hand away, instead his hands grabbing you under your knees and yanking you to the edge so he could have better access. You whimpered, clenching around nothing when he pushed the crotch of your panties aside and felt his middle finger teasing you by letting it dip but not quite enter. “So wet,” he breathed, looking at your blushed face. “Let’s dive, shall we?” he murmured, grabbing himself. You circled your arms around his neck, face buried in his neck as you felt him poke you. Lubricating himself he made sure to spread your arousal all over your womanhood. You whimpered and he finally pushed in. Both of you moaned in unison, the stretch so pleasurable it made you almost see stars.

“Mmhhmm, you feel so good,” you moaned, closing your eyes and biting his earlobe. He was quick to reply when he set up a fast pace, chasing his release.

Both of you were panting, neither of you speaking as you were indulged in each other. Feeling the sweat prickling around your hairline, you kissed Baekhyun, who grunted, pushing extra deep and hitting your g-spot. You let go of the kiss with a smooch, moaning loudly into his mouth which he swallowed, his forehead pressed to yours. “Is it good? Am I making you feel good?” he breathed, puffs of air hitting your lips.

“Yes, yes, you do,” you exhaled harshly as he slowed down, circling his hips to make sure he was touching every corner of you. You arched your back, your head hitting the cupboards you forgot were behind you. Just like that, both of you were laughing like crazy, Baekhyun smiling widely as he kissed your exposed neck while still deep inside you.

You cursed, still giggling. Bringing your face back, you took his face into your hands and kissed him as he took himself out of you completely and then slammed back in right away.

“I’m so fucking close,” he whispered between messy kisses. “I swear I'm gonna cum right now, princess.”

You wanted to tell him to wait for you, but instead you lead him on. “Then cum.”

“Should I pull out?” The urgency of his voice as he kept thrusting into you made you momentarily dizzy. He felt so good. “No, don’t pull out,” you breathed and he groaned loudly, hiding his face in your chest as was his habit when he was releasing. Exactly then, you felt hot spurts pumping into you. You felt so full but the satisfaction was anywhere near. You chose not to act up on your frustration, instead deciding to enjoy seeing Baekhyun in a bliss.

“I don't remember when was the last time I came this hard,” he told you, stilling completely, his breath fanning your lips as he was slowly coming down from his high. After a few moments, he kissed you sweetly. “Sorry, baby. Let me-”

“No, don’t,” you said, the wetness leaking out of you and on the counter. His hand hovered above your bundle of nerves just above where he disappeared inside you. “It's fine.”

“But you didn’t cum,” he muttered, embarrassed. “Sorry… this is so ridiculous.”

“Don't be silly,” you said with a gentle tone and brushed his hair out of his sweaty forehead and leaned in to kiss it. “You're so gorgeous, Baekyhun,” you told him when he finally focused his shy gaze on you. In response, he squeezed your thighs he was holding onto the whole time. The iron grip eased up into a gentle hold. You were sure you would bruise but damn, you didn't care.

He smiled and that was your biggest present. His smile that was meant for you. “The one who is gorgeous is you. You made me cum so fast with just the idea of you wearing that lingerie… I'll make it up to you, I promise,” he whispered, kissing you again as he pulled out of you, once again causing you to moan at the friction.

Baekhyun cleaned up the mess quickly and sent you to wash up but before you could saunter off, he held your hand. “Stay over tonight,” he requested softly.

Feeling yourself smile even wider, you gratefully accepted.

After eating dinner, it was already too late, so both of you moved to Baekhyun's room, deciding to talk like you wanted to.

He lent you his clothes and you relished in the feeling of getting lost in his hoodie. When he lied down, he opened his arms for you to find comfort in and you were fast to jump at him, causing him to grunt at the impact which made you giggle.

“Are you trying to say I’m heavy!” you shrieked in mock anger, hitting his chest gently, and Baekhyun laughed.

“No, never,” he hummed when you settled in, resting your head on his chest. His heartbeat sounded a little irregular.

Your mood instantly deflated. “So,” you started, drawing circles on his pectoral with your finger. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

He sighed gently and you felt his breath on your forehead. “I don’t know how to begin.”

“From the start.”

Baekhyun clicked his tongue at your reply and you smiled though it didn’t quite reach your eyes. “You’re a teasing little thing, aren’t you, my love.”

My love.

If he called you his love it meant he wouldn’t break up with you, right?

“I just feel like …” he trailed off, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. “You’re in your final year.”

That sentence spoke volumes to you. The meaning behind it meant only one thing and it was that only thing you’d been trying to fight against and refuse to accept. Your time with Baekhyun was almost up.

“Won’t you say something?” he asked softly when there was no answer from you.

This time you were the one who sighed and gently pushed yourself out of his grasp, to sit up facing him.

He mirrored you and sat opposite you. “Baby, what is going to happen?”

“I don’t know,” you murmured, lowering your head. “I mean-“ you looked up. “I won’t leave you, that’s all I know for sure.”

Baekhyun wasn’t satisfied with your answer. After all, you had the same answer years ago. He called your name. “We cannot do this forever, you know? Both of us deserve to know where we stand. It’s weird that you’ve been promised to that man but there is no news about when you are supposed to get married?” he rumbled though his voice wasn’t accusative.

Biting your lip, you avoided his eyes again by looking down.

“You know stuff, don’t you.”

You grit your teeth.

“What aren’t you telling me, hm?” He waited for a moment and when you still refused to talk, he took a deep breath. “I can’t believe you’ve known stuff and not tell me!”

This time, he sounded angry. “No, Baek, it’s not like that! I- yes, I’m supposed to be marrying him after I graduate but-“

“There is no but. There is only a period. You are marrying him after you graduate. Period.”

Your heart broke into two. Baekhyun was frowning, hurt flashing in his eyes as his jaw pulsed with how hard he was clenching it. His lips, those lips, were set into a hard line and there was no way to make him look happy like he once used to when he was with you.

“Baekhyun,” you tried, voice thin, “I already told you I’m not letting you go.”

“You seriously think about yourself only, don’t you,” he responded coldly, disbelief painting his voice. “You really don’t care what it means for me to sneak behind some rich dude who can give you anything you point at! I have my own pride. I can’t bear to share you with someone-“

“Baekhyun, I won’t let him touch me! I won’t let him do anything! You won’t be sharing me with anyone! My heart belongs to you and you know it,” you said, tears burning up in your eyes. “I love you so much,” you whispered before your voice could break.

Baekhyun was holding back, you could tell. His lips quivered but he didn’t make any effort to reach out for you. His eyes glistened. “Don’t marry him.”

You groaned inwardly. “You know I can’t do that.”

“So you’ve been going behind your parents the entire time, seeing me despite their protests and when I ask you not to marry him, you suddenly want to comply?”

“It’s for business,” you reminded him, “I didn’t choose this myself if that’s what you’ve been thinking.”

“I don’t care! I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you more than he can ever give you,” he said hurriedly and you let out a small gasp because Baekhyun was usually anything but desperate. He was the collected one, but now he was anything but.

“I’ll never leave you,” you promised shuffling to him, taking his face in your cold hands. “Please know that, Baekhyun. I won’t let him do anything. It’s just a status. That's all.”

His eyes were frantically flickering between yours, as if searching for something more than there was. “How can you just marry him when you barely ever saw him?”

And now was the time where you could start feeling guilty. It was on you. This was your fault and given how well Baekhyun knew you, he would read right into it. It got confirmed when he pulled away from you, your hands dropping.

“What else aren't you telling me?” he said in a low voice now completely withdrawing away from you and pushing himself up against the headboard.

“Baekhyun-”

“Just tell me already!”

You winced, quickly shutting your mouth. “We sometimes meet because he… eh, he just wants to get to know me better. That's it, he just asks me questions an-and I answer,” you replied shakily, brushing your hair behind your ear. “There is nothing, I swear. I deserve to know what kind of man I am marrying, too,” you added, looking up at your boyfriend whose gaze was set somewhere behind you.

“Has this been happening the entire time?” he asked quietly.

“Since the start of the uni.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Fucking awesome. Congratulations.”

“Baekhyun,” you said, this time strictly. “What the hell is wrong with you? I've been begging to meet you the whole past year and you always found some bullshit excuse for studying and actually you know what? Who knows what you'd been doing during those times!” you exclaimed, the idea of him being with someone else sending you into a rage.

“The fuck? As if I would cheat on you!” he shouted back, sending daggers your way. “I've been in a relationship with someone who was never supposed to be mine! Tell me, sweetcheeks, how does that sound to you? I'm saving myself for you while I know the entire time that I'll be on the loose end. I'm the pathetic one. I am the one who will lose. Not you,” he said in a menacing tone. “So before you start to throw shit at me, I would look in the mirror if I were you.”

“Byun Baekhyun!” you shouted.

He raised an eyebrow. “What. You don't like to hear the truth? Well, this is it. And I have lost my mind, finally. I've been too goddamn blinded by your hope when I knew the whole time it would be fruitless. I cannot do this anymore!”

By then you were sobbing. The last sentence sent you into fits of cries that you couldn't suppress no matter how hard you tried, and it hurt. Byun Baekhyun's words hurt like hell. Hiding your face in your hands, you felt the wetness of your tears pooling in your palms, hoping he would stop being angry with you and just take you in his arms and take his words back.

It didn't happen.

Slowly, you moved your hands away to see him stare at you, hard gaze, lips sealed tightly. “Baby,” you tried, reaching for him. More tears fell from your eyes but you didn't care anymore. He had seen you cry so many times and he was always there to comfort you. This time you were crying because of him and he wouldn't even move a finger for you. “Baby, please.”

“You said you deserve to know him better, too,” he said. “So it is that important to you - that you need to know him.”

“Of course,” you replied with a nasal voice, “what if he is a psychopath.”

He laughed bitterly. “Right. What if he is. How the fuck would you know - you are marrying him anyway! So why is it so important to you to let him get to know you? And you him?”

“It's just the way the deal went, okay?”

“No, it's not okay,” he spat. “You're going against your own word. “You told me there would be nothing happening until you graduate and you were with him behind my back.”

It was your turn to scoff now, though your face was splotchy. “Because you were waiting for me so much!”

“Don't you dare turn this against me,” he muttered in a low tone which left you shocked. This was the first time Baekhyun used that kind of tone with you. In fact, this was your first time fighting this ugly. “This is about you. About your fucking family. About them wanting to destroy us!”

“And it's obviously working!” You threw your hands up. “Just look at you now! You're doing exactly what they want you to be doing! They so desperately wish for you to hurt me so I could dump you,” you shouted, more tears rolling down your hot cheeks. “I guess they were right after all.”

“Right in what,” he snapped again, glaring at you.

You stood up, unable to keep fighting with him. He watched you wordlessly as you picked up your bag where you had your school books. “You're just using me. I guess I was just money to you as well!” You were seething as you yanked his door open and rushed straight for the door.

Sensing someone in the kitchen, you stopped abruptly for a moment, seeing Park Chanyeol staring at you in shock while he took in your state.

You shook your head, not bothering to say hi to him as you went to grab your shoes just to realize you came in heels. “Fuck,” you muttered. Well, Baekhyun's vans would have to do. Grabbing them, you tied both shoes tightly so you wouldn't fall as you rushed to grab the door when you felt a hand grab your wrist instead.

You looked back, making out Baekhyun's features through tears. “Let go,” you snapped, trying to shake him off.

“Where are you going this late?!”

“Anywhere is better than here with you! I cannot stay with you, Baekhyun!” you shouted, finally yanking him off harshly enough so his hand slipped.

You slammed the door shut and Baekyhun was met with silence. Throwing a single, helpless gaze at his friend was enough for Chanyeol to nod and move. “I'll go after her,” he reassured Baekhyun who seemed to be on the verge of mental breakdown.

Baekhyun just nodded, watching Chanyeol leave and hoping you wouldn't actually break up with him.

You were marching down the dark street, ignoring the anxiety creeping in from the silent, empty streets. They were eerie and scary and you hated walking down them at such a late hour but there was no way you could stay at Baekhyun's.

Fast steps brought you back to the present and your heart almost jumped out of your rib cage when you felt someone taking your wrist again. Hope spiked up, expecting to see Baekhyun but it was Park Chanyeol.

He turned you to him gently, little out of breath from trying to catch up with you. “You sure walk fast,” he commented.

He let go of your wrist and you sighed, looking at him with expectation. “What do you want, Park?”

“I just wanted to make sure you're fine,” he said rather shyly.

“I'm just fine,” you insisted, “I will go home now. Go back, it's late.”

“I'll take you home,” he said and to prove a point he clinked with his car keys. “Though it's not the best car out there, it will do the job.”

You rolled your eyes. “I always knew all of you were judging me for my status. And don't bother. I know you're only doing this because of Baekhyun. Well, you don't need to do this.”

“He would skin me alive,” he whispered, horrified. “And he is now too good with the scalpel. I wouldn’t dare.”

“I don't want your help unless it's something you actually want to do, Park Chanyeol,” you muttered through gritted teeth, feeling another wave of tears threatening to spill. “You just made it worse. Leave.”

“It’s late.”

“I don't care. I need to be alone right now.”

“For your information, we all know how much he cherishes you,” he started. “Whenever he would reject you, he would study but not really focus. He keeps talking only about you. We don’t judge you for money but for how much you occupy our space even if you aren't there. That dude is just bewitched by you and I don't know how you managed to do it, to be honest. He is the coldest guy to any other opposite sex beside you.”

“What are you trying to say, Park Chanyeol?”

He sighed and gave you a pointed look. “Baekhyun sacrificed a lot for you. He is so loyal to you despite all the matters you guys have. He never told us but we have a hunch. Just… don’t go breaking his heart.”

“I am not breaking his heart!” you said loudly, tears rolling down your cheeks. “He doubts my feelings.”

“He doesn't. He is insecure.”

“How can he be insecure? All I ever wanted was to be with him.”

Chanyeol stepped closer to you, causing you to tilt your head back further. “Then go back and amend the mess you made.”

“It's not just my mess. It's ours. We made it. He should know what he told me was wrong.”

“All he ever did was listen to you! What makes you think that guy has unlimited patience? He doesn't! So go back, and make it right again!”

You let out a loud groan, turning away from him. You tapped your foot on the concrete, thinking hard though you were close to exasperation. Turning back to Baekhyun's friend, you muttered: “Since you brought those keys, take me on a drive. I’ll sponsor the gas.”

It was already late when you returned back but at least you managed to clear up your mind. Quietly slipping back inside his dark room, you saw him lying in bed, his back turned to you. Putting your bag quietly down on the floor, you slipped under the comforter, your arms and legs hugging him like a koala bear.

You thought he was asleep or worse, that he’d ignore you, but he moved almost as soon as you hugged him, turning in your embrace, pushing his leg between yours and his hand circling your waist, his hand on the skin of your lower back. It was pitch black in the room, but once you felt his hot breath on your mouth and then the moisture of his lips on yours, you didn't need to see. You just felt. He kissed you and poured all of his apologies, regrets and forgiveness in the kiss. You returned the kiss just as fervently, feeling his warm hand on your cheek, his fingers in your hair while his thumb smoothed the skin under your eye. He shuffled himself closer and hummed when you darted out your tongue. He sucked on your lip a little longer before opening his mouth to let you in, and you took your time in exploring him, twirling and sucking on his tongue while you felt his arm tightening around you, his hand under your hoodie as he caressed you under your breast. In the quietness of his room there were just the slick sounds of your making out.

When you couldn't keep going anymore, you separated, your mouth fully wet from your mixed saliva as you panted loudly. You felt him pressing his forehead to yours and you sighed in relief.

“I'm so sorry, princess,” he whispered, nuzzling your nose gently, dragging his leg up so he could rest it on your thigh. “I was a fool.”

“No,” you whispered back, wishing you could see him better. “You merely stated the facts. It's all on me.”

“We both screwed up,” he added, “but fuck.” He gave your cheek a small, open-mouthed kiss, sending shivers down your spine, “I can't imagine you leaving me and being with him. I can't.”

You wanted to reply to him and to ease his mind that you wouldn't, but you would lie. The more you would keep to yourself, the more you would end up hurting the most precious person in your life.

“I'm so sorry. None of what I said is true,” you managed to blurt, unable to come up with anything more. “I keep breaking you. I'm so sorry.”

“Shh, baby,” he whispered urgently, his hand that was resting on your cheek slipping to the back of your head to bring you closer. You hid your face in his chest while he hid his in your neck. “You're not breaking me. You're breaking me if I'm not with you.”

You snuggled closer to him and he sighed, hugging you tighter. “My precious gem, I love you,” he whispered into your ear. To make your body contact more intimate, you also hid your hands under his hoodie, feeling his muscles contracting at your delicate touch. “You're mine.”

Few days later you received a message. It was from Mr Kwon and you groaned, stopping on your way to another class.

I request a lunch with you today

My driver will pick you up at 12

I know you're not supposed to be having classes

You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you pushed your phone back into your bag and headed inside the classroom. Even if you would reject him, he wouldn't accept it, so you might as well not bother with replying.

However, you were shocked when the driver came all the way to your classroom as all the students were pouring out and heading for lunch. You knew Mr Kwon's driver and even though he was polite, you didn't like the looks he was giving you whenever he saw you wearing skirts, like for instance, now.

He escorted you to the expensive restaurant where they were already waiting for you. Upon spotting you, the staff rushed towards you and led you to Mr Kwon who was already seated, his hands clasped together as his elbows rested on the table. He stood up, giving you a polite bow as he helped you sit down.

When he was opposite you, he said: “Pleasure to see you. How have you been the past few days we didn't see each other?”

You suppress a tired sigh. “I've been fine, thank you.”

“Oh, have you, now?” he questioned, his eyebrow lifting. His eyes were telling you something he wasn't verbalizing and it put you into unease right away.

Smiling, you muttered: “Yes, but thank you for your concern.”

“No issues with your friends?”

His stupid inquisition was starting to annoy you. “Excuse me? Could you please speak more explicitly?”

“I thought you'd never ask,” he smirked and took out an envelope from the inside of his cardigan and handed it to you over the table.

With uncertainty, you accepted it and opened it, not wasting time in trying to understand his mysterious words. There were photos. Frowning, you inspected them better and you were shocked when you saw it was you with a tall male. Park Chanyeol. It must have been that night when you fought with Baekhyun. Your breath hitched in your throat when you realized this man had you followed by someone.

You opened your mouth to talk but he cut through like a knife. “I was wondering where did you receive such a - how shall I put it - passionate bruise on your neck the last time I saw you. Turns out you're sleeping around with someone.”

It felt like he just threw a bucket of icy cold water on you. The idea of him having you followed, of him not trusting you and rudely breaking into your privacy as if you were some object he could manipulate and decide whom to meet and whom to not meet was driving you up the wall.

“You don't have anything to defend yourself?” he asked sharply. “How long have you been seeing that man?”

You swallowed on a dry throat. Mr Kwon thought your boyfriend was Park Chanyeol? That was good. As long as he had no knowledge about Baekhyun, you didn't care. “I… it's been…”

“Jesus Christ, I really didn't think you would be a whore,” he snickered, eyeing you up and his eyes eventually resting on your cleavage. “You were acting all innocent and brave just a few years ago and attending university changed you so much. I wanted to be the only one who would bed you,” he sneered and you felt a bile rising in your stomach.

“What- Excuse me?! Who do you think you are?!” you exclaimed, horrified. “Don't you dare think of me that way.” You stood up and wanted to scream when you saw his eyes drinking up your thighs that got revealed as your skirt hiked up. “A deal is a deal. You don't have any rights to treat me like this. And you can bet you aren't going to boss me around once we are married. I'll easily reject the marriage, too.”

Mr Kwon was fast up on his feet to walk over to you. “Well, if you do, your parents are as good as dead. Their business is in shackles, young lady. So unless you want them to be able to afford some food and have a roof over their heads, I advise you to respect me,” he was talking so fast you could barely register his touch on your hip and on your backside. Gasping, you slapped his hand away and dared to push him from you. He snickered.

“Watch your hands, Mr Kwon,” you spat. “This is a private property.”

He laughed and leaned in. “Oh, are you like this with him too? Then I can't wait to have the full rights. The only one with rights. Soon, little tiger.” You moved to push him away when he added: “You better end this little thingy you have with the boy. Because if I find out who he is, I will destroy him and any perspectives he could have for the future.”

Even though he didn't know about Byun Baekhyun, you could not risk it.

You had to break up with him.

// // // // //

Drop me a message! ^^ CuriousCat

#exowritersnet #baekhyun fanfiction #exo fanfiction #superm fanfiction #baekhyun angst #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun fic #MWM #mywritings

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theonceoverthinker · 3 years

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445. Tonight’s Fair Game HC is to DIE for!

...WOW are these HC puns getting morbid! Sorry for going for a few dark HCs in a row, but I figured I’d get them out of the way before V8 starts back up again so I’ll have happy HCs all ready to go when we need them the most!

Anyway, tonight, we’re gonna continue this mini series of death with HCs about Clover helping others (Outside of Qrow) process and handle loss.

As he spends much of his adult life in the military, I think addressing death on a macro level is one of Clover’s responsibilities. It’s a responsibility Clover takes seriously as he appreciates its weight and importance to those affected by death. Death, while not as common in Atlas as it is in other regions of Remnant, is something that happens in his line of work, and the deaths affect many, so it’s something he unfortunately becomes well-versed in.

Clover has performed a number of military funerals. They’re not something he enjoys doing, but he appreciates the importance of the responsibility. It’s a role that requires an ability to simultaneously balance a degree of stoicism as well as give comfort and condolences. It’s one of the most human things a soldier can do, and Clover makes every effort to make sure that it’s done flawlessly, assigning those who would do the best job to the task alongside him as well as preparing several backup soldiers should any of his first choices end up unable to carry out the task.

He’ll also stay at the funeral until the end to pay his respects, offer his personal condolences, and provide the soldier’s loved ones his contact information as well as resources they can reach out to for emotional support and financial assistance.

Additionally, Clover has given speeches to troops when presented with a death among his ranks (Or at least heavily assists Ironwood with the speeches if Ironwood is the one to deliver them). He obviously doesn’t know every soldier in the Atlesian army, but he does make an attempt to collect what information he can to fill up a two or three-minute speech in their memory and makes sure that every speech is personal.

I can see Clover almost taking on a guidance-counselor role for those in the army who were close to a dead soldier: He’ll seek out those in the Atlesian Army who are close and/or friendly with the deceased and check in on how they’re doing at least twice, once more, offering his contact information as well as resources for emotional support such as HR contact information, a grief hotline, and support groups.

Tags under the cut!

Tagging @skybird13 @whipped4qrow @mooksie01 @luck-of-the-caw @xwildangel @solitude-of-stars @vastnessofthespiral @o0nashipear0o @unfairgamey @doctorrwby @clover-and-co @megan-atthedisco @wash-my-brain @bisexualdisasterqrow @thursdayseraph @doubledexterity @rwby-things-i-guess @atlas-heartthrob @the-answer-was-bi-klance @compoterie @thuskindlyiboop @oceansquid @transdemion @deltastream21 @mimiori @xya-hunter @delta-altair @dinosaurs-last-day @roman-torchtwink @subatomictealeaves @drbtinglecannon @saphiralunaris @pretentiouskneecaps @amxngsthxmans @ayomez13 @carbonated-table-spices @darkestsiren @chaosgameingkoi @collectingsparechangemadeeasy @michaels-daughter2005 @youmaywanttoduck @lovethewitchofendor @victorious1956 @kendalllwayland @madamoisellesica

Want to be tagged in future Fair Game HC’s (Or untagged, I understand) and be the first to catch all of the romance, fluff, drama, and puns (Sometimes all at the same time)? Send me a reply, PM, or ask, and it shall be done!

Would you also like to check out my old Fair Game HC’s? Who wouldn’t? Well, here’s a link to my Fair Game HC archives!!!!

#fair game #qrow branwen #clover ebi #rwby #lucky charms #luckbirds #luck birds #fairgame #qrow x clover #qrover #fair game hcs #445

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jaskiers-sweetkiss · 4 years

Text

Out of Time

Pairings: Avengers!Reader x Daniel Sousa, Steve x Bucky (briefly mentioned)

Summary: Just when you were starting to enjoy your time in 1949 everything falls apart. SEQUEL TO Not So Bad

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: some swearing, panic attack, mention of ptsd and war, some angst

A/N: @bookish-bucky @drinkerofcoffeewriterofwords and @mydoctorwho13 asked for a part 2 to Not So Bad so here it is! (I hope y’all don’t mind that I tagged you/lmk if you want me to untag you/idk why it didn’t let me tag all of you). More notes at the bottom!

___

The cat was out of the bag.

Well, really just one cat was out of its bag.

Basically your secret was out and it was entirely your fault.

You were at Howard’s lab for the third time for even more tests. All of the previous tests had been inconclusive, though that came as no surprise to you. You had engineered them to be that way, pretending to suddenly and uncontrollably levitate in response to random tests, doing your best to ensure that Howard would be unable to make any connections.

But today you were a bit distracted.

You couldn’t help it, you were only human after all. And when Daniel Sousa is flashing an award-winning grin while Howard tried his most bizarre test ever (repeatedly trying to scare you in hopes it would spark a levitation reaction), well, any woman in your position would’ve done the same.

You jumped. No, you did more than just jump.

Howard Stark snuck up behind you and yelled while shaking your shoulders and you flew. Shot straight up in the air like a rocket, feeling entirely like your teenage self with absolutely no control of your abilities.

And then, to make matters worse, you disappeared.

You assumed it must’ve been the embarrassment of smacking your head on the ceiling that caused the sudden invisibility though the ‘why’ didn’t really matter anymore. What mattered was you were invisible and Daniel and Howard were shouting your name.

Except, no, that didn’t matter right now either. All you could focus on was the sudden tightening in your chest and the fact that you were finding it harder to breathe. The shouting faded to the background as you began to feel trapped in your own skin.

I have to get out of here.

So you ran.

You didn’t even think as you flew out of Howard’s lab, racing down the hall. You didn’t stop until you were in the bathroom, door locked behind you. You slid down to the floor, knees pulled tight against your chest as you leaned against the door.

Briefly, you noticed that you were still invisible, though the thought left as soon as it came. You also vaguely noticed the tears streaming down your face, though you were unaware of when they had begun. Your thoughts zipped back to the lab and the concern lacing Daniel and Howard’s voices as they called out to you and for a moment you felt bad for running away but that too was pulled away in the hurricane of your mind. Your whole body felt abuzz and you couldn’t think or breathe as a feeling of utter helplessness settled into your bones.

You tried to remember what Tony had told you to do- something about box breathing exercises and the five senses- but you weren’t sure that you were in control of your mind anymore.

“Y/N, if you can hear me name four street names from where you grew up.” Daniel’s voice rang through the bathroom door. Before you could even consider how he had found you or why he needed to know you answered,

“Main Street, Birch Street, Higgins Drive, Cobalt Lane.” The words were stuttered and separated by harsh inhales and exhales.

“Name your five favorite movies.”

“La La Land, Ferris Bueller, Beauty and the Beast, Spirited Away, Inception.” The words were smoother this time, though tears still streamed down your face and your bones still felt heavy and your skin restrictive.

“Okay, name ten presidents.”

“Uh, Ellis, Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, FDR… Teddy Roosevelt, Eisenhower… Reagan, Nixon… Kennedy.” Your voice was steady as you spoke, your chest no longer heaving with sobs and shaking breaths.

“Good. Now name seven state capitals.”

“Albany, Trenton, Tallahassee, Nashville, Lansing, Richmond, Raleigh.” When you opened your eyes you noticed you were visible again, though when it had happened you weren’t sure.

“Are you okay?” Daniel’s voice came through the door, soothing you more than you realized.

“Yeah.” You answered quietly, your voice raw.

“If you’re comfortable with it, will you open the door?”

Your soul turned to mush at his words, Daniel Sousa- ever the gentleman. You felt an immense amount of comfort in the man despite only knowing him a few days but you were scared. You had just fully exposed your powers and had a panic attack, you hadn’t been this vulnerable to another person in years.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Daniel spoke again, no judgment lacing his voice, only kindness, compassion, and caring.

You stood slowly, your muscles aching as you stretched them from their tensed position, and unlocked the door, opening it to reveal Daniel. Your eyes immediately jumped to his face, his expression almost pained though it changed as soon as he saw you, morphing into relief and something else you couldn’t quite place.

“How did you know how to do that?” You blurted out, though you had really wanted the first thing you said to him to be “thank you” or “I’m sorry.”

Instead, apparently your brain was preoccupied with how the man before you had walked you through your panic attack.

“Oh, uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Well after the war… ptsd and all, I’m no stranger to panic attacks.”

You softened at his confession, forgetting, despite his limp and his cane, that the man before you had gone through a war and had not come out unscathed. Before you even knew what you were doing you were hugging him. He let out a small “oof” as you wrapped your arms around his middle, squeezing slightly.

Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around you in return.

“Thank you,” you finally mumbled into his suit jacket. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Daniel asked, confusion etched into his features as he pulled away from your embrace.

“I-I disappeared and I ran and I panicked and you had to come get me and deal with all that.” You gestured wildly as you spoke, words fumbling together in your rush to get it all out.

“Y/N, helping you isn’t a burden to me,” Daniel spoke softly, tilting your chin up so you could see the sincerity in his eyes. “And what you just went through- what you’ve been going through with these... strange abilities, your reaction was completely justified.”

Your heart clenched at his words. He was speaking to you with such honesty and openness but you were lying to him. You sighed, taking a step back, his arms falling away from your waist and you suddenly felt cold without the heat of his embrace.

“I-” You faltered, needing to take a breath before you could continue. “I need to tell you and Howard something.”

___

“What exactly were you hoping to accomplish with this lie, Miss Y/L/N?” You winced at the use of your last name. Daniel hadn’t used it since that first night in his house.

You tried to shrink into yourself, considering going invisible once again to escape the look of betrayal Daniel was fixing you with.

“Are you a spy?” He was angry and betrayed and you could see him trying to reason this out to himself, but you knew he’d never even fathom the truth. “Was this an attempt to infiltrate SHIELD? Who do you work for?”

“Daniel,” you whispered, and the stern look you were fixed with told you everything you needed to know. The only way out of this was the full truth, timeline be damned.

“I work with a team of powered people called The Avengers.” You sighed. “About two weeks ago, two of our members stole the Tesseract from Camp Lehigh in order to save the world from an alien who wiped out fifty percent of the universe. After we succeeded, I was tasked with returning the Tesseract but due to a malfunction I’m stuck here.”

“I’m pretty sure we would’ve noticed the Tesseract being stolen and the destruction of half of the world,” Daniel said crossly, clearly not believing you though you didn’t blame him.

“You wouldn’t have because for you none of that has happened yet and I returned the Tesseract immediately after it was taken.”

“You mean this happened in the future?” Howard finally spoke, looking at you with a newfound curiosity.

You nodded. “In the year 2023.”

Howard let out a low whistle at the date but there was a gleam in his eyes like a kid in a candy store.

“I have so many questions.”

You smiled sadly, “Surely you understand that I can’t tell you what happens without destroying the timeline.”

“No, we don’t understand.” Daniel snapped, “Because time travel doesn’t exist.”

“Daniel I can’t make you believe me, I literally have no way to prove this to you,” you sighed, not wanting to argue with the man. “I didn’t even mean to drag you into this, I came here for Howard’s help fixing my device so I could go back.”

“If it makes you feel any better, if I was a spy, I’d have absolutely nothing to report. I didn’t get anywhere near SHIELD or any of Howard’s projects.” You tried to smile, though you felt like crying. “You’re a good agent and a good leader, Daniel Sousa, but most importantly you’re a good man and I am not deserving of your help or your trust.”

Daniel’s eyes softened at your words, though he still held a defensive stance. The lab remained silent for a few minutes but your eyes never left Daniel’s face, observing the flurry of emotions that resided there.

“Time travel would explain those movies and presidents I’ve never heard of.”

You cringed slightly, not realizing you had potentially blown the timeline during your panic attack.

“Yeah, those won’t come out for another few decades,” you rubbed the back of your neck embarrassedly, “And I suppose I ruined a few elections for you.”

“I’ll live,” Daniel responded with a shrug before his eyes widened in realization, “I will live right?”

“Honestly? I have no idea what your life looks like. I didn’t pay a lot of attention in school.” You answered sheepishly, a small smile gracing your features at the forgiveness, however small, that came with Daniel’s statement.

“I’m not even going to ask because I already know that I must be remembered for my genius because you came to me for help,” Howard smirked cockily, “Now, let’s get your time machine fixed and get you home.”

“Oh hell, you did not need that ego boost,” you groaned.

Howard had the audacity to wink.

___

The next week was difficult. You were still staying with Daniel but the dynamic between the two of you had changed entirely. There were no more soft, shared glances, or meaningful looks, or chats over coffee in the morning. In fact, Daniel seemed to be avoiding looking at you at all, only doing so when absolutely necessary. He had thrown all his energy into getting you back to your time.

It broke your heart a bit, though you’d never admit it. You’d known the man for a little over a week, you couldn’t be getting all teary-eyed because he wasn’t looking at you anymore. Plus, wasn’t he doing exactly what you wanted by helping you get back? Still, it felt a little as though he was trying to get rid of you.

That week had felt like torture. A constant turmoil of indecipherable emotions swirling inside you and you had no idea what to do with it all. So you pushed on. Pushed all the way to the day Howard fixed your time travel watch.

“I think I’ve finally got it!” He exclaimed, gleefully. “I’ve invented time travel!”

“Not so fast, Stark.” You chided, “My team invented time travel, you’ve just fixed it.”

Howard merely rolled his eyes, muttering something about “no fun” and brought you the device. Daniel was standing off to the side, eyes refusing to meet yours, consistent with the past week. You sighed, accepting the watch and sliding it onto your wrist.

“Well, we’ve only got one shot,” you may have been stalling, though you wouldn’t admit it to yourself. “Are you sure it’s right, Howard?”

“Honestly? No. But I’m sure that I have no other solutions than what I’ve already done.”

“Is this a good idea?” You asked aloud, to no one in particular.

“Y/N, you need to get back.” Daniel sighed, lifting his eyes to meet yours and you thought you saw grief in them. “Your team is probably worried about you.”

“If this works how it’s supposed to, I’ll be back just seconds after I left,” you shook your head sadly, “Just in time for retirement cake.”

“Retirement?” His head was cocked to the side like a confused puppy and your heart leapt into your throat at the first unprofessional conversation you’ve shared in a week.

You nodded, “One of my teammates is stepping away to settle down with his boyfriend.”

“His boyfriend?” Daniel questioned skeptically and you forgot what time you had been stuck in. You knew from Steve and Bucky’s stories that the 30s and 40s were not a good time to be lgbt but you could tell by the way that he had spoken that Daniel didn’t hold any of those biases. It was just one more thing about the future to be confused about.

“You’d love them,” you whispered honestly.

He probably would, the three of them have so much in common between the war and SHIELD and Peggy Carter and Howard Stark. For a moment you let yourself imagine a world in which you had been born in this era, in which Bucky had never been captured and Steve never frozen. A world where you could fall in love with Daniel Sousa and live happily ever after surrounded by friends.

You shook yourself out of it. There was no future for you here and there was a team waiting for you in the future. You sighed, punching the date and time into your watch. You were out of time.

“What if I didn’t go?” You blurted out, unable to contain the question any longer.

“Y/N, your team-” Daniel started.

“Doesn’t need me. They all have lives and happiness and fulfillment and-“ you shuddered as you released this word vomit of feelings you didn’t even realize you had before you whispered, “And maybe I deserve some of that myself.”

Daniel Sousa made you feel cared for and appreciated in a way nobody ever had in the 21st century and you’d be damned if you gave that up without a fight.

“What about the timeline?”

“Fuck the timeline!” You exclaimed and Howard giggled and your cursing.

“Daniel,” you sighed. “You make me feel things I’ve never felt before and I don’t wanna put too much pressure on this, but I think meeting you might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But if you don’t feel the same way tell me now and I’ll go back.”

You were standing right in front of him now, having closed the distance during your speech.

“Y/N,” he sighed, his eyes swimming with emotions you couldn’t read though he looked at you with such tenderness that you thought you might melt right there as he reached up a hand to cup your cheek.

You weren’t entirely sure, but you thought you might’ve muttered “kiss me” before his lips were on yours, soft and warm and you felt like fireworks were erupting in your stomach. It was a short kiss, no more than a few seconds, but it confirmed a number of things for you. The most significant thing being that you were never going back to 2023.

___

A/N: A few things: 1. the street names listed while Y/N is having a panic attack are actually copied directly from Jessica Jones. 2. The listing miscellaneous things (street names, movies, presidents, etc.) is something my friend has had me do when I’ve had panic attacks. Idk if that works for everyone, but it certainly has helped me in the past and I can really only write from my own experiences. 3. I lowkey wanna write a oneshot for the fantasy Y/N has towards the end where she’s born during the same time period as Stucky, Peggy, Howard, and Sousa and she probably joins SHIELD which is how she meets Sousa (Edit: this exists now and you can find it here!). Idk, let me know what you think!

#daniel sousa x reader #avengers!reader #endgame #agent carter #shield #howard stark #daniel sousa #steve rogers #bucky barnes #slight stucky #time travel #avengers #mcu #marvel #post endgame #1940s

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veridium · 4 years

Text

fuck it, queer meta.

About a year ago I wrote one of my first and largest meta posts about why I consider Cassandra a prime example of queerbaiting despite her being a character who explicitly says she is heterosexual. This lead to quite the day of inbox hate mail from people throughout the fandom. Most were upset I used the “q slur” and left it untagged as such in the big DA meta tags. I can imagine for those folks, the substance of what I had to say mattered little as a result.

I deleted most of those messages and my responses soon afterward. They upset me greatly even as I took it all in stride. However, given that it’s been about 365 days since that fiasco, and some interesting events have happened with regards to current and former DA writers, I thought it would be “fun” to write a recap and reflection on why, generally, I still feel the way I did when I wrote that post. With some changes and growth, of course.

The gist of it is, as we have come to learn in past, recent, and ongoing discourses in fandom, that much to the chagrin of a lot of folks in this fandom: BioWare, and in this instance DA writers, are not your SJW Icons. Furthermore, they never should have been, or should be, considered as such.

The gist (part two) for me, is: for as much as diverse characters, worlds, and societies are being uplifted by Games these days, the counterbalance of bullshit is still there. And I think it survives most sturdily in the kind of logic the BioWare writing culture throughout the years. This sense of egalitarian, “of course” logic, that appears to make socially deviant identities normalized but really just falsely positions those identities as meant to be in lock-step with the norm. Representation to gaming, and most of media writ large, all-too-easily falls into the trap of “we want what the privileged have,” which it to say, we want our existence to be a no-brainer, even if it means we lost the essence of why our stories are so profound, important, and necessary to do justice.

I really can’t imagine accepting the way characters like Cassandra were written because I don’t accept the writer(s) who wrote her. Why?

Come with me, and we’ll be, in a world, of pure fuckery...but with citations...because I’m an Academic and that’s my roll.*

*Please see tags for pertinent content warnings before clicking.**

**if you reblog and tag this shit with “q slur,” I will take all the reserves of understanding I have as a DA fic writer for all of the enraged womxn in the series and express it accordingly. And, as a femslash-oriented author, I can promise you: that expression will be consumptive.

Hm, I wonder, what with the predominant writer for her character inquires on Twitter for “lesbian fanfic porn” recommendations for writing “research,” but seems to be unable to hire appropriate creatives to write, consult, etc. for the project.

Or that the writers room made, and continues to make, space for a writer who continually does Black and queer characters dirty with his mediocre-at-best work, in both game and novel form (because, plot twist, he’s a shit writer) (1) (2) (3).

Or that the writer’s room, and specifically Ga*der, attesting that the development of the Qunari was based on Arab cultures around the time of “Medieval Europe,” which is somehow his way of getting out of the thematic botching of the Qunari language, social structure, etc. from Islamic tradition.

Or, the writers who intentionally shaped the story so that Vivienne, one of the limited number of Black women characters in the entire series to have a role as an ally, to be a red herring of an distrustful and conceited antagonist, to the point where her treatment by fandom has been incredibly racist, heinous, and lazy for years.

These are a few of MANY reasons, with thorough exposition, why the veneer of “progressive inclusion” studios like BioWare claim to be authentic. Having “diverse” writers in the room -- and I’m using that word incredibly tenuously here -- didn’t change the result of any of these harmful scenarios. In fact, it created them. This, combined with the tale as old as time: toxic fandom culture with white, anglo-centric, cisheterosexual masculinist ideals at the fore, have gotten us here.

So, do I hold all of the reasons why I am angry about Cassandra’s character writing the same way now, as I did then? No. Certainly not. In fact, there are parts where I would correct myself. On the other hand, the thesis for me remains largely preserved: I revile G*ider, I revile that he gets the accolades he does by fandom for his “diversity” of characters when he exploits, erases, and uses slippery morality to get out of admitting he has shortcomings in his work. I hate that the exaltation for representation still funnels itself onto the heads of white writers and predominantly white-staffed studios.

And, underneath it all, I am mad that some of ya’ll see no problem with that. Because what does it matter, if you do not come from communities, cultures, and coalitions that get the brunt of this misrepresentation? What does it matter if it angers a lesbian fan that the writers who have a long history of misusing and conveniently copping themselves out when they write women and queer characters, seem to use that “expertise” as permission to do what they are supposedly combating?

G*ider, the hero himself, is on written record saying that it should not be second guessed as to why Cassandra is straight, just as he thinks it should not be second guessed that Dorian is gay. Yet, when he asked on Twitter if there was some moral significance to people modding character’s sexuality (in this specific instance, Dorian, actually), G*ider said that in the end, people’s mods “do not change” what he wrote, and that unless they claim their changes “supercede” canon, there’s no harm done.

So, really, I’m just over here like -- is this ya’lls hero?

Why in the fuck would someone be modding a gay character to be bisexual or heterosexual, if they didn’t somehow believe that version “supercedes” the canon rendition? Secondly, where is the attention to the fact that, in an ensemble of multiple romanceable characters, Dorian has to be the one that has to be sexually and romantically accessible to those outside of his canonical realm of attraction?

I mean, for fuck’s sake, it’s the whole virtue grounding his companion side quest, the fact that he is estranged from his Father who tried to magically change his orientation! This is a crucial part of Dorian’s entire journey to serving the Inquisition, and serving Tevinter as a dissident.

But, you know, it doesn’t change what G*ider wrote. And he’s correct, it doesn’t change what he wrote, which he got credit, money, and esteem for. It doesn’t change that if you load up the base game, Dorian’s gay. In G*ider’s head, that is the protective force: the parts where he has ties, and not the culture of the fandom, the culture the fans who helped fill his pockets from that game have to dwell within. This isn’t revolutionary, this isn’t good-faith representation. This is getting a piece of the rotten-sweet pie and saying “let bygones be bygones, you toxic, funky heteronormative assholes!”

But, where are my manners. I’m getting heated, aren’t I?

Basically, if you condemn queer fans for calling out queer bating -- or any marginalized fan for throwing up the alarm for bullshit -- and your first reaction is to side with folks like G*ider who got theirs and said screw everything else, fuck off. Literally, fuck off. I call Cassandra’s circumstance queerbaiting because she’s one example of writers getting their cake and eating it, too. If they are so aware of just how much of their fanbase is marginalized folks, they don’t get to say they don’t have fingerprints on things like queerbaiting. You don’t get to be acclaimed and excused for the shit you say you are combating, which is the source of that acclaim. And if your claim is happy ignorance, then you definitely don’t get to blithely equivocate when fans do ask you why the story happened the way it did.

I also just want to keep in mind here that there’s a deductive conclusion to be had about this, given how La*idlaw explicitly stated they endeavored to make Cassandra extremely hot, “really enticing.” That conclusion is:

(1) Either they aren’t/weren’t nearly as attuned to their queer audiences as they generally claim to be, or

(2) They were, and had no intention of developing compassion or empathy passed G*ider talking out of his ass about why Cassandra was developed as straight. Which, ultimately, does coincide with conclusion (1) more than not.

No matter what, the contour to the conclusion is: wow, a taste of nauseating objectification, in the BioWare writer’s room. Who knew!

It’s no wild accusation to make to a writer like him and his colleagues, that they don’t know how to handle sapphic, wlw, and/or queer-related storylines, especially with women. Especially when the answer seems to be, “well, it was decided before I took the lead, and in any case, why question it! You wouldn’t question a gay character’s orientation!”

But that’s just it, you complete and utter turnip. People did question Dorian’s sexuality. People do question Dorian’s sexuality. That fantasy world of equal bearings is as insincere as it is out-of-touch. And why not, when, as you said,

it doesn’t change what you got paid for.

The ethos seems to be crudely reflexive: people’s phobic interpretations and alterations of the canon do not matter, but then again, why would you even question why a character is straight? Why would you question my narrative vision, in all of its beautiful shittery?

It’s all a game of dodge, ya’ll. Dodge, dodge, dodge. With a strong and acidic dose of vanity.

So. In summation, folks: I could care less for your false equivalences. I could care less about my contribution of queer content fucking up your good time in the meta tags. Obviously you aren’t there to actually engage in creative, exploratory thought, so why bother reasoning. There is more to the possibilities of queerbaiting than stringing along a could-be, would-be, should-be queer storyline directly. There’s knowing your audience enough to exploit your good graces with them. There’s benefitting from a charade of liberal progressive clout. There’s the ability to foresee that queer people will cathect to a given character, and not only denying an experience they could have, but denying it so harshly that the character says they can’t love yours because you’re female.

And I am so, so, so sick of these people continually enriching themselves off of the “nobody’s perfect” grace. To me, that grace is the promise of good faith, and the intention to do right by people. When that isn’t there, the grace isn’t going somewhere where it’ll be appreciated, that it will be nourished by. I mean, fucking hell, people, this is rainbow capitalism: don’t you taste it?

That’s that, then. “Cassandra and Queerbaiting Rant,” one year on. An extra dose of salt, just for the haters.

#da meta #cassandra and queerbaiting rant #one year reflection?#yeah #so #queerbaiting #cassandra pentaghast #bioware critical #bioware bullshit #cw: lesbophobia #cw: homophobia #cw: queerphobia #cw: discussion of Dorian's experiences with his family

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inforapound · 5 years

Text

Ease The Dawn P2 - Chapter 2

A/N - Please let me know if you want to be tagged. Or untagged. Had a lovely suggestion from an anon to write some Ivar and Aethelswith this week. Will update when I can. Chapter 1 on my MASTERLIST.

Warnings - Explicit sexual content

Words - 2,800

"My hands are cold," Ivar whispered into the back of Aethelswith's neck. Sliding his hand up her side, he cupped her thinly covered breast. Sighing languidly, he closed his eyes, every part of his body craving her.

"And that is for warming them?" she whispered, eyes still closed as she dozed, enjoying the warmth beneath the heavy furs. Her lover's broad chest tight to her back and the brightness of the days' first light filtering through the wooden shutters.

"Odin would not have made them the size of my hand if they were not meant to rest there."

"Why do you think Odin made my breasts?" she smiled, not opening her eyes.

"Because he favours me."

"So, he made them for you?"

"No, he made you for me."

"Ah."

Smoothing his nose across the skin of her shoulder, he inhaled her scent, his mind felt at peace, utterly at ease and he knew, with every part of his being, that there would never be an end to his devotion to her. Nor his bottomless need to have her close, pressed together, as they were now, with the door locked and the world shuttered out, his lips sweeping across her ivory skin. Her soft mews, imprinted in his head.

Pushing her chest forward to stretch, her smile morphed into a yawn. Lifting his head from the pillow, he buried his face into the front of her throat, her pulse softly fluttering away under his tongue.

"Can I put my cock in you?"

"Ivar!" she laughed.

"Yes?" unable to hold his smile, he grated his teeth across her neck.

"Do not say such things."

"Why?"

"It is indecent."

"We can do indecent things, but we cannot speak of them?"

"Yes." She could feel the smirk on his face.

"Why?" he feigned confusion, greedy to hear her laugh again.

"I have no answer to that."

"You Christians are so fickle." Tilting his head, his lips gently pulled the skin of her ear. "So, I should just be Viking and not ask?"

Saying nothing, she pushed her bottom back into his bulging groin, instantly making him grind forward, his breath picking up against her ear.

"I see," he uttered, pushing his manhood against her. "Turn your head woman, I want to taste you."

Turning her upper body toward him, he pressed his mouth to hers. Unhurried, his upper lip traced across her pink lips, parting her mouth with his own, forcing him moan. The sound reminded Aethelswith of the purr of the kittens he had gifted her not long after their arrival.

Sliding his hand between her breasts and over her warm stomach, he grabbed the loose fabric of her nightdress, pulling and bunching it up over her waist. Pushing down the front of his linen trousers, he freed his stiff erection, pulling her harder against him. His mind drifted, as it sometimes did, to the countless nights and mornings he had spent alone before her. The anguish that was his life previous to her, asking the gods about his future and the purpose of his suffering. Knowing now, that the moment she had jumped from that black horse, running, screaming his name, she was the answer. The reward for his pain, his beautiful Aethelswith.

Reaching around her hip, he opened her legs, running his hand up and down her inner thigh. Sliding his fingers between her folds, he stopped, finding them wet. A flash of desire shot straight to his groin, pulling from him another moan. Nuzzling closer, he jutted his hardness into the crack of her behind.

"My sweet, you are still aroused from last night." Slowly he ran his fingers back and forth from her little pearl to her opening. Having recently learned the magic of that sensitive spot, he was fixated, every day, on bringing her pleasure.

Parting her knees further, she pushed her sex forward, eager for his touch. "Am I, or was I dreaming of you?"

Turning back, she kissed him again, reaching behind to grab his waiting cock. Guiding it down, she lifted her bottom, sliding it in between her legs. Pressing it firmly to her womanhood, she began to move her hips, his thick shaft slipping between her slick, sensitive folds. Unable to wait any longer, he grunted and tilted his hips, angling his tip toward her opening. Pressing in, his hand squeezed the side of her hip as she braced, arching her round bottom. Swearing under his breath, he paused, his length halfway in and hooked his forearm under her knee.

Whimpering his name, Aethelswith pushed back, sinking the rest of the way down until her behind was pressed against him, his length buried deep. Clutching each other, they both sighed, laying perfectly still, neither wanting to disturb the warm, perfect feeling.

"I want to stay like this," he murmured into her ear, "always." Exhaling loudly, he began to gently rock his hips. "How do I love you this much?" he whispered, closing his eyes; her effect on him making it hard to swallow.

"I am yours, Ivar," she uttered, pushing back in time with his every move. Lifting her arm, she slipped her hand around the back of his neck, her fingers sliding into his hair.

"My beautiful Aethelswith." Pressing his cheek to hers, he was aware that each stroke, every sensation made him more alive, no pain from the day, moving upright with braces, diluting his pleasure.

Increasing the pace, she bent forward pulling away from Ivar's chest. Brushing her long hair aside, he pushed up her thin shift, exposing the curve of her spine. Running his hand over the scarred flesh of her back, the pads of his fingers intimate with every scratch and detail. Reaching up, he gripped the back of her small neck, claiming her body and picking up the speed of his thrusts.

A tightening pulled deep in his loins causing him to slow. No, no, no, he thought, unwilling for their intimacy to end so quickly.

"My sweet?"

Straightening her body, she pressed back against his chest, turning her head, her blue eyes searched his.

"Can you climb on top?"

"Of course," she smiled, accustomed to this often being his most comfortable position. Kissing his lips one last time, she moved away and climbed up onto her knees.

Grabbing her hips, he stopped her. "Can you face away from me?"

"Away?" Furrowing her brow, she was unsure of his meaning.

"Let me sit up." Heaving himself upright, he shifted his pillow higher, leaning back against the carved headboard. "Okay," he flashed her boyish smile.

She did not move. "Ivar, my bottom will be right in your line of sight."

"And it will be glorious," he grinned making her laugh. Turning, she lifted her leg over his waist to straddle him. Pausing, she looked back over her shoulder.

"Yes, my sweet. Just like that," he encouraged. Leaning forward, he placed a hand on her waist, reaching between her legs. Coating his fingers in her wetness, he brought them to his mouth, his lids falling closed as he licked her taste. Holding his cock straight, he guided her down and she paused to adjust to the unfamiliar angle. Slipping down onto his full length, she exhaled sharply, the sensation causing her mouth to drop wide, his body filling hers completely and in a new way. Leaning forward, she pressed her hands into the bed between his thin bare calves, her behind open to his view.

Flexing his hips up, she let out a breathy moan, starting to rise and grind back down. Gently rolling her pelvis forward, Ivar hissed. The desire to thrust spurred on by the site of his shaft sinking deep into the back of her pink opening. Rocking upwards in a barely restrained rhythm, he spread her cheeks wider, staring at her entrances as she dropped her head forward, increasing her own pace.

"You are so perfect," he groaned. "You are a goddess, my queen." He was unable to stop his hips from rutting.

Cursing loudly, he straightened to sit, yanking her back to his chest. Both hands on her breasts, bracing her body, lifting her up and down, in time with him.

"I love you, Aethelswith," he murmured, continuing to jut his hips, their skin growing tacky from their urgent movements. Running his hands up her sides and shoulders, down her slender back, her whimpers broke into breathy pants as Ivar drove harder into her.

"I still cannot believe you are mine," he threw himself back against his pillow, his hips pushing up to meet hers, his hands skimming the back of her round parted cheeks.

"Ivar?" she rushed in a frantic voice, looking to the side. "It is happening. It is starting my love."

"Do not stop." Grabbing her hips, he pushed and pulled her over his grinding cock, snarling as his breath became frantic and his mouth fell open, eyes staying fixed on the back of her ass. "That is it my sweet. I am so close."

"Ivar," she whined, "I love you. I love you," she cried, over and over again. "I love you." Panting as her legs began to tremble, she dropped her chin to her chest and her body shuddered, her womb squeezing, pulsing around him, milking him gently. Growling out a shriek, Ivar thrust up one last time, exploding deep inside her, his body tingling as if he had just rolled in nettles.

Sitting forward, he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight. Leaning her head back against his shoulders, she smiled, her mouth dry, her body feeling small within his powerful arms.

"I love you, Ivar," she whispered again.

"Mmm." His lips ran across her skin.

"We need water. Let me up love," she said quietly.

Attempting to rise, he tightened his arms around her, holding her in place.

"No."

"Did I hurt your legs?"

"I do not want my seed to spill out."

"Why?"

"I am putting a baby boy into you right now."

"Ivar!"

"Ubbe told Hvitserk once that you will have a boy if you do it from behind. I cannot kneel behind you so I thought you could just turn around while on top."

"We cannot."

"Aethelswith, until you, I never thought I would ever lay with a woman. I am going to at least try and give you a child."

"No, my love, that is not what I meant." Sighing, she shook her head. "Please let me up."

Furrowing his brow, he released her, slumping back against his pillow, his plump lower lip automatically pouting.

Crawling to sit at the edge of the bed, she pulled her crumpled nightdress down. Standing, she walked to the table on the far wall, pouring each of them a mug of water. Returning, she held out the cup and he refused to reach for it, keeping his eyes locked with her. Unwilling to provoke, she lifted her brows, setting it down on the nightstand next to his favourite ax. Leaving him to his stew, she slipped behind the wicker screen to wash and ready for the day.

"Woman, are you going to talk to me?" he called, sounding more hurt than angry.

Moving out from behind the screen, she pulled a long-sleeved blue dress over her shoulders, smoothing it down her body. One of the many beautiful dresses Ivar had gifted her, along with colorful shawls and extravagant jewelry. Scoffing, her fingers fumbled with the drawstring ties at her bust and she glanced up to him, his eyes locked on her and dark with emotion.

"Ivar, we cannot have a child."

"Why?" he quipped.

"You know why." Anger flashed across her face, annoyed that their previous, numerous, discussions on the topic were not worth him remembering.

"No, I do not," he snapped, sounding like a child.

"You are the king now."

"Exactly," he bobbed his head.

"I have no place here yet."

"What are you talking about?" he sneered. "You are my woman. My queen. You will rule with me."

"Ivar," she whispered, looking over at the door, worried the guards may hear them. "I am not your queen. Your people will never accept me as such. Me, coming here nearly caused a rebellion and your warriors felt deceived. The truth is, we are not married, and I am not Viking."

"Then, let us marry. I ask you nearly every day. It is you who stops us." Lowering his eyes, his hands squeezed the furs on the bed. "The army has been paid. The people will accept you. They will never speak out against me." Looking back up, he cocked his head to one side. "They have no choice but to accept you. You will be my queen."

"Marry you?" Throwing her hands up, she shook her head. "How do you fathom we can marry? I am already married. Everything I have been doing is...."

"Wrong?" Ivar barked. "It is wrong? How could anything between us ever be wrong, Aethelswith?"

Looking down to the floor, her fist clenched and her nails dug into the fleshy part of her palm as her eyes searching the wooden floorboards for the words that might finally hold some meaning.

"Your marriage was over the second he forced himself on you. It was over when you chose me. Long before we sailed here."

"Not in the eyes of God," she muttered, not looking up.

"Some God you worship," he spat. "Show your God your mutilated back."

Her eyes shot up to his and she huffed, walking back to the table against the wall and finishing her cup of water.

"Ivar," she turned to face him, "as long as Burgred is alive, I am his wife. I can never be another's."

"You are not his wife!" he roared. The force of his voice, making him sit forward in the bed. "Do not say his name in our chambre again." Air shot from his nose and he looked up, his eyes roaming the ceiling. "And," he looked back to her, the volume of his voice dropping low, "you will not be another's wife....not another's....you will be mine. My wife! You already are. You are my queen. I can easily kill that man. I will, I just cannot sail for England so soon after squelching the uproar."

"I need air."

"You mean you need to get away from me."

"Stop Ivar," she rushed, grabbing her shawl from the trunk at the end of their bed, wrapping it around her shoulders.

"I need you," his voice cried out, sounding like a sob. Resting his head back against the headboard, he watched her. "There is no me without you now."

Closing her eyes, his words cut into her heart. The sentiment causing her chest to ache. Opening her eyes, she glanced to him, her cheeks were beginning to flush.

"You feel me, Aethelswith, as I feel you. I can see it on you now. On your skin. Nothing will ever stop our love. If you sailed away or swam to the bottom of the ocean. Even if I died Aethelswith, we will never end."

Turning her back to him, she sat on the trunk, pulling on her leather shoes. She could feel Ivar's hurt boring into her back, the sensation was like sitting too near a fire.

"I am going for a walk. Go ahead and eat without me."

Not allowing herself to soothe his hurt, she had to leave. Put space between herself and his asphyxiating notions. Hold her ground and not slip under the dark waters of his temper.

Looking back at his intoxicating blue eyes would only remind her that she would never want to be unladen from him. Never want to be free from his domination or need. She would infallibly and willingly succumb and drown in her love for him. She knew she would.

"You are not to leave this hall," he ordered, his voice sounding cold.

Spinning on the trunk, she squinted. "I am your captive again?"

Not responding, he clenched his jaw, his eyes struggling to hold her stare.

"Do not leave this hall without two guards." Turning, he picked up his ax from the table, spinning the blade over to look at the edge. "Do not be too long. Please. I hate eating without you." Glancing to her, his eyes quickly returned to the sharp edge of the ax.

Adjusting the lavender shawl around her shoulders, she stood and crossed the room, opening the door. Ivar's wounded eyes glanced up again as she hesitated in the threshold. Returning to his side, she leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his. Closing his eyes, he dropped the ax onto the bed, sighing softly into her kiss, the strain in his body holding tight. Straightening, she peered down to his conflicted face, still no sign that his mind would ease.

"I will not be too long," she whispered.

Turning to move away, he grabbed her hand stopping her.

"I love you, Aethelswith."

Looking back, her eyes swept over his perfect, cherub face.

"I love you, Ivar."

He tightened his hand on hers. "Forever?" his eyes widened.

"Forever, my love."

MASTERLIST

@naaladareia @youbloodymadgenius @yanii-the-hippie @medievalfangirl @lol-haha-joke @fangirl-nonsense @ceridwenofwales @naaladareia @whenimaunicorn @equalstrashflavoredtrash @geekandbooknerd @readsalot73 @tephi101 @jaydelesley4 @silly-bullshit-collector @sweeneythots @londongal2810 @justanothershelby @yourpurplequeen @didiintheblog @youbelongeverywhere @mdredwine @redama @snarkyanimecartooncon @funmadnessandbadassvikings @thiahilmarsdottir

#ivar the boneless #ivar lothbrok #ivar's heathen army #ivar fic #ivar fanfic #ivar smut #ivar sow burn #Ivar and Aethelswith #ivar and princess #ivar friends to enemies #vikings fic #ivar vikings #ivar in love #ease the dawn part 2

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justsomewhump · 4 years

Text

Memories Revealed (11/?)

@killian-whump’s original piece is here, and you can read my additions from the beginning here.

Warnings: Rape, memory wipe, near-drowning, blood, nosebleed. Make sure to read all the tags on AO3 too in case I’ve forgotten to mention anything.

Tagging @sherlockianwhovian, @hookaroo, @hollyethecurious, @mathildia, @kingofmyheart14, @wyntereyez and @cocohook38. If you want to be tagged/untagged, hit me up!

Word count: 1.8k AO3

~ Set in a time between season 6 and season 7

Snow and David's new place wasn't all that different from their old loft, after all. Of course, it had more room and a garden, but overall its style was pretty reminiscent of their previous home.

Even the bathroom, he couldn't help noticing, when he excused himself to use it. He smiled to himself, though, thinking how in all his centuries, bathrooms in that world were one of the things that had caught his attention the most, and probably always would.

Wiping his hand dry, he turned for the door and reached for the handle, when it opened all too sudden and quick.

He saw Gold for a split second before something flew towards his face. Killian closed his eyes and took a step back as a thick scent entered his nostrils. He coughed - was that some kind of powder?

He opened his eyes again when he heard the door close, and saw Gold step toward him and put his hand over his mouth.

"Shh," Gold said. "No need to make a fuss about it."

Killian moaned under Gold's hand. What was he doing?!

"Don't worry, the drug is already having its effect, so I'll let you go soon enough."

Drug?!

Indeed, why wasn't Killian fighting him off?

Killian tried to raise his arms to push Gold away, but he could barely lift them halfway through before they fell limp on his sides.

As did he.

Gold wrapped his arm around him, holding him up while he watched in shock.

"Stay quiet," Gold whispered and took his hand away from Killian's mouth, then tapped his finger on Killian's lips. "And I promise I'll be quick about it."

He then leaned in and kissed him. A shocked whimper left Killian as he tried to command his arms to come up and push him off him, to no avail.

Gold pulled back a bit and smiled at him. "Not much of a response there, but I guess that was the purpose of the drug."

No...

Gold placed him face down on counter by the sink and started undoing his pants.

Killian focused solely on trying to wiggle away and scream for help, but his whole body seemed to have given up on him. He could barely even whimper.

"Yes," Gold said as if reading his thoughts. "The drug immobilizes you, but trust me, you'll feel all the pain in your unresponsive flesh."

No. No, no, he had to stop him!

He focused hard, even felt his throat constrict from the effort to shout for help, but no single sound came out.

The seconds seemed to pass too quickly while Gold was preparing himself, and all of a sudden, he was sliding inside him.

A guttural groan left him as he felt his breath leave him, and was left unable to breathe for several seconds as the pain felt all too much.

"Impressive," Gold said. "Even when you're limp as a noodle I can still find the right way to fuck you breathless."

Gold moved a little back, then slammed into him again, and this time Killian managed to let out a pitiful whimper.

"Oh. So that's how you sound when you don't hold it all back." Another thrust, another whimper. "Would you look at that. You can't scream for help when you want to, and you can't hold it back when you don't want me to hear it." Another thrust, another whimper, louder this time. "Perhaps I'll need to use that drug again some time."

He then leaned forward, still thrusting. Killian groaned again as the new position gave Gold deeper access, and this time he could swear he must have been heard outside, despite the music that even reached inside the bathroom.

"That might be a problem though," Gold said, then appeared to be thinking before his eyes lit up and a smile appeared on his face. He put the sink tap on then turned the faucet on. "Let's see how loud you can scream underwater."

Killian whimpered again, looking in horror as the sink filled with water. Gold slowed down and didn't thrust as hard, but Killian was terrified to think that would change as soon as there would be enough water in the sink for his face to fit in.

Gold kept up in a slow and subtle rhythm until the water reached the brim of the sink. He then grabbed Killian's hair and lifted his head, kept it up for a few seconds as he looked into his eyes, then pushed him face down in the water.

And slammed hard inside him. Or he might as well be stabbing him back there, Killian wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

With the limited breath he had before being pushed in, his screams left his mouth in bubbles... and then he had no breath left. Instinctively, he gulped water down and swallowed it instead, but it only took three gulps before it went down his windpipe. He coughed weakly, and the next gulp felt more like fire than water.

His vision darkened as he let out a final small bubble, then he was dragged up.

Gold was still inside him, but focused on striking his back instead to help get the water out. It burned as it went out his nostrils and Killian could finally breathe again.

Gold only let him take three breaths before pushing his face down in the water again. Screams of pain left Killian with every violent thrust from behind, and once again he was out of air.

He couldn't even wiggle or flail around like he remembered... the last time Gold had tried to drown him, under Zelena's order. He simply fell as limp as before while water went down into his lungs and Gold slammed inside him.

Somehow Gold could tell, for he dragged him up again and let him get the water out, before allowing him two tired, small breaths and pushing him in again.

Killian quickly lost count, so he had no idea which time it was when, as he coughed out the water from his lungs, he saw drops of blood fall in the small pool. He whimpered weakly when Gold pushed him in nonetheless.

A few times more, and the water was turning noticeably redder from the blood. Gold paused for a moment, reaching down and hugging Killian from behind.

"What a sight," Gold whispered in his ear. "This is what I love with taking you like this, every time is different and new." He turned and bit down softly on Killian's earlobe.

Killian felt so exhausted and breathless he couldn't make a single noise, aside from the wheezing he was already making.

"And here, with our wives in near damn earshot, or anyone that could come in and catch us like this." Gold sighed and pushed him in again.

A small part of Killian felt the slightest hint of disgust thinking how he was now breathing water mixed with his own blood, but there wasn't a lot of room for conscious thought in his mind when it was occupied with the struggle to survive.

And the near-failure to do so.

"Some man of the sea you are," Gold told him when he pulled him out again. "That wasn't even ten seconds."

Killian couldn't even tell anymore if he had meant that as a tease or an insult.

He couldn't bring himself to care either way, as he watched more and more blood drip down to the water.

Eventually, Gold simply let his head rest on the counter when he realized he was too exhausted and out of breath to scream, whether from a conscious or an instinctive effort.

Strange, he thought. Why would Gold stop himself from killing him? It wasn't as if he'd let him live to tell this tale.

Instead, Gold simply tapped Killian's nose, making the bleeding stop.

Finally his breathing seemed to get back to normal when Gold leaned forward, resting his chest on Killian's back.

"I have to admit," Gold whispered, hot against Killian's cheek, out of breath himself, "nothing can compare to that time in Neverland. But still, every time feels like a new experience... in its own charming way." He leaned a bit back and brushed through Killian's hair. "And simply having the memory, to revisit, to relive..." He grabbed hard at his hair, adding, "to jerk off to."

"Wh- wha..."

"I know, you don't understand. But you don't need to. Soon you won't even remember wondering."

He then let him go and pulled away and off him. Killian whimpered and trembled, feeling something wet run down his thighs.

Gold tsked. "I always hate this part."

Then, in a second, all pain went away. In his backside, his chest... only a faint soreness in his nose remained.

Gold moved to his side, and with a move of his hand Killian was dry again.

"The drug will wear off immediately in a few moments. Until then, I need to set my alibi."

He then grabbed Killian and simply set him to sit on the toilet.

"That'll do," he said. With another move of his hand, a dreamcatcher appeared in his hand, and before Killian could attempt to say anything, the dreamcatcher glowed with magical light.

Killian groaned as the memory ended and threw the dreamcatcher across the room.

It was never easy to be reminded of that particular memory in Neverland - neither how much Gold used to cherish it - especially while watching another one of those damn dreamcatchers.

He leaned forward where he sat, once again trying to piece the story together as he grabbed a fistful of his hair.

It had been during Neal's first birthday party. Snow and David had done a big celebration, inviting half the town, and he'd excused himself to use the facilities only once.

That had been enough for Rumpelstiltskin, it seemed.

The nosebleed, bloody hell. He hadn't healed him there, he'd merely paused the bleeding... then let it run again while Killian had been talking to David, and a bunch of blood had shot out of his nose, scaring them both along with everyone around them. Emma had healed him immediately, but it had dampened his mood - and maybe even hers - for the rest of the evening.

To no surprise, he felt tears well up in his eyes. It was far from the first, or most meaningful, moment that was now ruined knowing the whole story.

He looked at the discarded dreamcatcher and thought of how Gold seemed bloody turned on by the thought of Belle and Emma being in the house with them, close enough to catch them- him red-handed... yet how mad Gold would get every time Killian would mention Belle. True, some of those times Killian's intentions might not have been purely out of interest for Belle being lied to, but Gold himself felt so free to talk about Emma whenever and however he bloody well wanted.

With a shaky sigh, Killian looked at the remaining dreamcatchers, trembling to think that one of them could include Emma being hurt as well.

#Memories Revealed #Golden Hook #I write thangs #hair pulling #blood #nosebleed #drowning #content warning #nonconsensual #it's been a bit long since I checked my tag list #so if you've asked to be tagged and I forgot I'm sorry!!#just lemme know and I'll fix it right up!

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chaosangel767 · 2 years

Note

Touching under the table during a holiday dinner after downing a bit too much eggnog with Clavis. Thank you!

Hi Anon! I had a lot of fun making this one for you. I hope you enjoy

Day 13: Two Sips

Prompt: Touching under the table during a holiday dinner after downing a bit too much eggnog

Fandom: Ikemen Prince

Type of One-shot: NSFW - @voltage-vixen 'Tis the Season for Smut

Pairing: Clavis x F!Reader

Warnings: petting, fingering, edging, semi public sex, garden sex, cumshot, vaginal penetration, cum licking

WC: 893

Asked for by: anon

Tagging: @toloveawarlord, @thewitchofbooks, @queen-dahlia, @ikemenlibrary, @sarahann-1984, @rhodolitesrose, @themysticalbeing, @kpop-and-otome, @tele86 -If your name is crossed out I was unable to tag you. If you want to be tagged/untagged please let me know or fill out this form here.

The dining hall is filled with laughter and conversations as the Lords and court ministers mingle with Sariel and the Princes. You always stay by one of the Prince’s side, being introduced as a minister's daughter. You sit between Clavis and Jin, both of them relentlessly teasing you. You hear Clavis suddenly choke and you see him but down a glass still coughing, a flush rises to his cheeks and you gently rub his back as his lungs settle.

“Are you okay ?” You ask and he nods, picking up his juice. You are almost the one choking on your drink when Clavis’s hand appears on your thigh, ghosting just above your dress and sending shivers through your body. You drain your glass as you try to muffle your moans, drinking more of your spiked eggnog, the heat of alcohol rushing through your body. A silent curse falling when Jin refills your glass and Clavis slips his fingers across your thigh. You stifle as much of the moans as you can, feeling him ghosting above your clit, drawing circles right where you are most sensitive.

Clavis holds you right at the edge, refusing to let you fall when that is all you want to do. His nimble fingers work their way under your dress and you can barely contain your flush when his hand slips under your dress and he finds out your secret.

“No underwear, you naughty girl” He whispers in your ear, causing you to barely contain your moan as he slips a finger in your core. A heat flushes your body, the desire mixing with the thrill of not getting caught. You feel brave thanks to the help of the alcohol and you run your hand along his pants to his erection, palming him and causing him to glare at you.

Ignoring his warning, you palm him all through desert, mimicking his actions, slowing down when he slows down and speeding up when he does, watching his amber eyes completely cloud over in lust, you start ghosting above his pants as you feel his cock start to twitch in his pants.

You palm him all through the desert, teasing him by swirling your tongue along your spoon. Clavis presses harder against your core, making it harder for you to muffle your moans. His hand leaves your core just as you are about to cum, waiting for you to calm down before his fingers slip back inside your heat, stretching you out and getting your juices all over his hand.

“Please,” You mutter in the mischievous prince’s ear. He smirks at you and shakes his head, barely audible hiss leaves his lips as you brush over his sensitive tip. The two of you continue to edge each other all through dinner, both of you are barely able to contain yourselves, when Sariel finally announces the end of dinner. He invites all the guests to the ballroom and you follow the crowd until Clavis grabs your arm leading you out into the gardens. Once you are hidden behind the bushes he spins you around and beds you over a bench his fingers once again finding your core.

“Clavis if you do not fuck me-” You start to threaten him, but his hand slams over your mouth as he enters you suddenly, muffling the scream of pleasure. He doesn’t give you time to adjust, knowing that he prepared you well enough to take his cock.

"How do you fit my cock so perfectly every time?" Clavis sets one hell of a pace. His lips find your neck, being careful not to leave a mark as he pounds into you. The cool air hits your face, but it isn't enough to quench the fire threatening to overtake your body as you look up at the moon.

Moans fall louder from your lips, in your drunken state you don’t care who finds you and Clavis is barely any better, using your shoulder to bite down and muffle his moans.

“Clavis,” you whine, feeling him pick up speed and you spread your legs a little, giving his fingers more room to play with your clit. Your legs start to shake as your orgasm threatens to overtake you and your head falls on your arm. Your brain is fogging over with desire and intoxication, only his name is able to fall from your lips.

“I am so close Belle,” He whispers in your ear, pulling you harder against him, and you bounce back against him, focusing solely on your orgasm.

“Ahh Clavis -” You go to warn him, but you feel him pull out suddenly as thick ropes of cum land between your thighs and down your legs. His fingers come up to your clit, fingering you until you cum, watching as your juices mix with his down your thigh. Your legs can barely hold your weight as Clavis swipes a finger along your leg, collecting your mixed juices and bringing it to your lips. You suck his fingers, cleaning them and swirling your tongue as he takes them away. His eyes darken in lust again and he pulls your body flush against his.

“Swirl your tongue like that again and you won’t be attending the ball,” He growls in your ear, a moan resounding in your throat at the promise, debating on taking him up on it.

#'tis the season for smut #'tis the season for smut content creation challenge #ikemen prince smut #ikepri smut #ikemen prince clavis #clavis lelouch #clavis x reader #ikemen smut #ikepri clavis lelouch

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shroudedhero · 4 years

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Mobile Friendly Rules

Since I did it for Kurai’s info, here’s the rules (the updated ones)

THESE ARE JUST A FEW GENERAL THINGS I FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, SO PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM.

I know they seem long but some of it is also just information I thought was important for you to know before interacting with me. NOTE: THERE IS A PASSWORD FOR THIS BLOG DUE TO SEVERAL PAST BAD EXPERIENCES WITH UNTAGGED TRIGGERS (and it is the ONLY reason I have a password. I won’t throw a fit if you don’t send it, but I do usually feel more comfortable if you do).

Also another small, but extremely important note beforehand: Due to my autism, I tend to try to be extra clear (but also sometimes manage to be less clear in the process), or in my head it is clear, but to other people, it comes across entirely differently, but I’ve been informed this makes my rules sometimes come across as more aggressive, exclusionary, or mean. So I will say this now. I am actually a MASSIVE fluffball. Quite literally. The tone they come across is mainly due to overexplaining however I have tried to edit them and have yet to find a way to redefine my rules in better wording that I am happy with and that feels like it covers everything while actually being properly clear (but whenever I finally think of the right wording, I usually update my rules). So just approach them with the knowledge I am actually legitimately a sweetheart and my brain just sucks at actually wording stuff.

If you followed me over here when I moved Kurai’s BNHA verse to this blog, I removed and edited a couple of rules so please read through them again.

- ★ First and most important thing is that the mun has a very serious cannibalism trigger, which includes ANY form of people being eaten (including animals or monsters or any such other creatures eating people). (Excluding vampires, as that doesn’t typically involve the eating of human flesh, and rather simply blood itself (I am COMPLETELY fine with blood and general dark and gorey things). Zombies however, are included). As such, please tag all SNK or Hannibal related posts with such things in them, even the ones without such scenes in them, due to the fact that these two shows/fandoms are the reason I learned I have this trigger, and so the entire thing now can cause my trigger due to association, and memory connection to it. Also I ask that you tag any other shows/fandoms/gifs with such things in them as well. Please and thank you very much. My blacklisted tags are: SNK, Shingeki No Kyojin, Attack On Titan, AoT, tokyo ghoul, tg, Hannibal, Cannibalism, tw: cannibalism, parasyte, tokyo ghoul, twd, the walking dead, walking dead, zombies, and hunting trophies. Any form of these (capitalization does not matter, however spaces do) will be caught by my blacklist, so I would appreciate it if you’d use one of these for those posts (though I am also happy to add other tags to it as well if you have a specific system you use already). Also suggestions for other possible blacklist tags that I may have forgotten are much appreciated. Also as an added note, I will not follow, RP with, or associate in ANY WAY, any blogs that have to do with my triggers. (Multi-muse blogs can sometimes be okay, this more applies to blogs that post SPECIFICALLY about the fandoms that trigger me). If you are a multi-muse blog that has characters from these fandoms, all I ask is that you be sure to tag them with the fandom they are from, with one of the tags in my list, and tag any of the triggers. We’ll be perfectly fine if you do! If you don’t, I may eventually unfollow, just to avoid seeing unintentionally triggering content.

- Secondly, I am open to RPing smut, (either aged up, or not, since whether we like it or not, teenagers do indeed end up doing it), however it likely will not happen much since this muse is underage, and will only happen if both myself and the other mun are okay with it and have agreed to it. (Again, chances are slim.) I do prefer however if our smut RPs are placed under a read more, if at all possible.

- ★ I am autistic. I know I don’t seem like it at first, and sometimes it’s hard to tell, however I am, and I also have ADHD, and it does affect the way my mind works with things. Sometimes having things done certain ways makes all the difference between if I can do something or if I can’t. If it sounds like I want to do something, but seem to struggle with figuring out how, please feel free to make suggestions, or start the thing yourself! It’s actually REALLY helpful when I get stuck. My being autistic can also affect who I can roleplay with, and how I roleplay, and how I think. Please keep this in mind, and try to be understanding. If something bothers you, or you don’t understand something, just ask me! I’ll do my best to explain, or fix it.

- Though it may not always seem like it, I am VERY shy and awkward. I’m actually legitimately terrified of new people, and trying to talk to people I haven’t spoken to before, or very much yet, almost makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. If you want to RP with me, please message me! Chances are I’d LOVE to chat with you and RP with you, I’m just too terrified to talk to you.

- I struggle with chronic depression, and sometimes I may disappear for a while if I have a spell that gets particularly bad. Please be patient with me, as I will never forget about you and will always return. Also since it needs to be said, I also have EXTREME, doctor diagnosed anxiety. Sometimes it gets the better of me. Same with depression. Sometimes I have bad days. So I vent, and get frustrated with things. Little things bother me a lot more than they would on a normal day. If you can’t handle that or are going to be a hypocrite about it then please just leave right now. I don’t need your negativity. I have enough unwanted of that in my head as it is, which I combat and fight against every day.

- I am a multiship/multiverse blog, however my muse will be very selective with shipping for the time being however I am still happy to discuss ships and will happily consider them. Also a note, that I will ship with multiples of the same character, if the mun of those blogs wishes to ship with me. I find each relationship is different, seeing as each mun plays their character a little differently.

- I will do crossovers sometimes with fandoms I am familiar with. Crossovers always depend on my mood and how well my muse can interact with a character, as well as how well I know the series the character is from. Please forgive me if I choose not to roleplay a specific crossover. I still like you, I promise. If you’re unsure if I know your fandom, just ask! I do know of a lot of fandoms, so there’s a good chance I might.

- I ship based on chemistry. Sometimes I can develop a ship quickly, especially if I know the other muse’s personality well, and know they will mesh well with mine. Other times, a ship takes time for me to develop. Please be understanding and patient with me on this.

- Do NOT under any circumstances, force a ship on me. I am usually quite good at expressing ships I am okay with, and it will usually show in my writing. If you are unsure if I ship something or not, feel free to send me a message and ask me. Most of my characters have their own way of showing interest in someone, however most are usually pretty clear in expressing it in some way. Sending memes for interaction is fine for anyone whether we have interacted or not, and I will usually reply to those, however do not force a ship on me outside of that. If one develops between our characters, then fine. However that is a MUTUAL thing, so I do not take kindly to someone just deciding something is a thing. If you want to try to build one between our characters, then go ahead. Just please show me respect. That is the biggest and most important thing with me, is respect.

- I will write anything from 1 liners to multi-paragraphs when I RP. I usually stick to 1 or two shortish paragraphs, and that tends to fluctuate or shrink depending on how much information is needed to describe a scene. If we start out with a shorter paragraph, and I make a reply a fair bit longer, I will likely revert back to the shorter paragraph again within 1 or 2 replies. However you are welcome to write however you wish, just as long as you can give me something to go on. (A one liner in response to a 10 line paragraph for example, I will struggle to reply to.)

- I do not tolerate anon hate of any kind. Not towards myself, nor towards others. I will respond to it in a way that will make the sender feel rather like an idiot, and I am very smart and capable of doing so, so please be advised of that, if you intend to do so.

- I will RP more violent NSFW RPs, and other dark topics (I absolutely LOVE angst), however ONLY as long as I am in the mood for them. The mun of this blog is (well) over 18. Everything though that might be triggering, will be tagged, and if there is something that you need me to tag, or if I forget to tag something, please feel free to tell me. Just try to do so right away or else I can forget which RPs or replies to tag depending how long it goes since I posted it. My memory is pretty fickle with what it chooses to remember without some nudging.

- ★ I am better at roleplaying ships with males (BoyxBoy/Yaoi/etc), due to being more familiar with it and having more experience with it ((as I myself am very very very gay, and also trans (which is where the issues with writing about female parts makes me very uncomfortable comes from) )). I may however attempt to ship romantically with female characters, but please keep in mind it is something I am not as good at or as comfortable with, so if in the end, I decide I am unable to do so, please be understanding of this. (Especially if smut is included in the ship. I cannot smut with female characters, sorry.)

- I am slightly fickle about things I can reply to. I try very hard to reply to everything, however one thing I am not good at, is sudden changes in roleplays. As much as I hate to admit it, and try to pretend it isn’t true, and even though I am quite good at managing it most times, I am autistic, (high functioning form of autism) and that is one of the few issues I struggle with the most. If you sense a roleplay is changing directions, please hint at it to me in the tags or something the reply before it does, since even that small little hint can be enough to help keep me from having to drop an RP. Even if you are unsure if it will or not, letting me know that you think it MIGHT possibly happen (since we don’t control our characters) is a huge help to me. This particular issue is the main reason that 95% of my dropped threads end up dropped. And I always feel terrible when it happens, so please help me to get better at this.

- I can be slow sometimes (or often) with asks or replies. This usually happens because of my muse being fickle or me thinking a meme or ask prompt would be fun, however sometimes when I actually get them, my muse decides to just be like NOPE. Also sometimes I tend to forget things, or leave stuff in my askbox to reply to later, and then I forget about it or get distracted. If this happens, I apologize. Please try to be understanding of this, since I will NEVER ignore you or your asks on purpose. (The only case where it would be ignored is if it is something stated in my rules that I cannot respond to, that you obviously failed to read or are attempting to do anyway.) I do reblog things with the INTENT to answer EVERYTHING that shows up in my inbox, however my intentions don’t always pan out.

- I do not do the reblog from the source thing (not consistently anyway). I used to try to do it every single time (if I notice it), though now, I am sorry but I have had so many anxiety attacks due to my attention span which I cannot help due to having ADHD, and accidentally reblogging memes and such from someone who has that rule without even realizing it as I am scrolling down the dash because I don’t even realize who reblogged the meme, and then panicking because I realize it later, or get yelled at over it. I follow at least like 30+ meme blogs and the majority of memes on my dash tend to be from the source, so sometimes I don’t notice! Roleplay for me needs to remain stress free, because stress can trigger a major/serious depression spell and as of recently I FINALLY am stable emotionally. So please forgive me if I don’t bother with it. Because I probably won’t do it (consistently anyway).

Next topic of discussion.

Concerning OCs and shipping with them (Please see this post for some further clarification on this, since this is the part that I have the most issue with making clear, though I really do try):

- I am in fact OC supportive! Though when it comes to RPing with them, I can be extremely picky, and cautious. This has nothing to do with whether your OC is great or well developed or not. My brain annoyingly happens to have trouble connecting to a lot of characters, both OC and canon, but it just seems to be more common with other people’s OCs. HOWEVER, just because I might not RP with your OC, doesn’t mean I won’t secretly stalk them from the dash and read your interactions because I think they’re amazing.

- I WILL NOT ship my muses with other OCs, unless they are extremely well developed. This is simply because unless I personally can form some form of an an emotional connection/understanding to/of a character, my own muse will be unable to do so as well. (This can also apply to canon characters as well, so it is not simply limited to OCs).

- I am also very picky with RPing with other OCs, because of the same reason stated above. I will however roleplay with them sometimes, and do not in any way dislike them. I rather love OCs, and the diversity and color they bring to fandoms, and I actually have lots of OCs of my own for different fandoms, I just cannot always connect to them, and in those cases, I will not be able to roleplay with them. I apologize. HOWEVER. If possible, I will happily do platonic RPs with OCs that my muses happen to click with.

The types of characters/OCs I am usually unable to roleplay with, are the following, which includes a list of reasons why:

- ★ OCs that are not connected to any fandom in particular/Multifandom OCs. Basically as I like to call them, floaters or drifters. I may attempt to roleplay with these. It can still be iffy, because my brain can sometimes make stuff more difficult than it actually is or needs to be, and it depends on each particular OC, but as I have recently been developing a fandomless OC myself, I find my understanding of them has grown a bit. That said, sometimes I need to be able to connect them with something, as each fandom has a specific world to them. I need a consistent, solid world anchor to be able to understand the character, which drifters don’t have, so I can struggle to RP with them. I’m willing to try though!

- OCs from fandoms I am unfamiliar with. If I don’t know what sort of world/background your character comes from, it leaves me guessing too much and confused. I have attempted to roleplay with them anyway in the past and it just doesn’t work.

- OCs with very little backstory and information, or with a confusing one, or even with none at all. In essence, poorly made OCs. I need info to RP with you. At least seriously. So sorry. I need to be able to understand your character at least a little, since I don’t do good with “lets play a guessing game” or “I literally have no idea what I’m doing” or “what the hell is going on” sort of RPs, and I have never been good at them, and so I need clear, concise information on your character.

- Canonically (or noncanon since this is an OC as well) unknown family member OCs. Whether it’s a sibling for my character or for someone else’s that was never mentioned in canon, I just can’t. (If you want to RP a family member of my character that I have mentioned in my character’s info, please ask me beforehand as I usually have an idea already of what their family member is like, but usually I will be okay with that as long as you ask me first before just going ahead and doing it.) I’ve never been able to RP with them, for a multitude of reasons, one of the main being they often end up reminding me of the bad version of self inserts or genderbends. I have been unsuccessful at breaking this way of thinking towards them despite attempting to many times, and so I just cannot do it, personally. I am sorry.

Important reminder: Please note that I suck at explaining this somewhat, and just because my brain struggles with roleplaying with certain characters does not mean I dislike your muse or think they suck! I can think your OC is absolutely AMAZING and they can be SUPER well written and developed and I can want to interact but my brain is just dumb and if I try to my brain just refuses. These SAME issues can happen with canon characters too, I have simply noticed it more with other OCs, thus the specific section for them.

Those are all the ones I can think of right now. I am very sorry to anyone who has one of these and wants to RP with me, however I simply cannot do it, personally. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there though who would love to RP with you even though I cannot, and just because I will not RP with you doesn’t mean I dislike you or your character. I’d be happy to still be friends with you, I just won’t be able to RP with you. I’m someone who needs to be able to connect to the character I am roleplaying with on at least SOME level, for my character to be able to connect to them as well, so if I am unable to do that then I am unable to roleplay with them. (This can include as well, the WAY someone roleplays, since if there is no emotion or thought or description in replies, it gives me nothing to go on and connect to, and leaves me unable to respond, even if I WANT to RP with you.)

★ I hate to have to do this (and I never used to have a password), however I have had A LOT of trouble with people not reading and following my rules in the past, and or speaking about or talking about/not tagging my major trigger, so if you have read my rules, please inbox me with “Catshark” (I prefer Inbox over IMs for the password so I can keep track forever of who sent it in). I ask this of people because it also helps a lot with my anxiety, and keeps me from wondering and worrying in the back of my mind if I might actually get triggered by something. I know it can be tedious to do this extra step, and I hate that I even had to add this step in the first place, however after years of roleplaying, and dealing with people, it became necessary due to several bad past experiences in tumblr fandoms. It was not added on a whim, so please take the time to do so. Also, I do understand that you probably follow a hundred blogs that all have their own rules, so if you forget stuff, that’s okay! I do it too. The password is just so I know it is safe for me to approach you and remind you of something if you do forget. Otherwise, I tend to sit here and kind of panic about if I can mention something to you (it has happened before that someone who didn’t send it in and came across friendly bit my head off when I asked them to tag something), and it means I am more likely to unfollow or stop interacting, or even block you eventually due to my anxiety. And I don’t want that to happen over a silly misunderstanding.

There may be more added to this later if I think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

#Mobile friendly info #mobile friendly #Rules

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hope-for-olicity · 4 years

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Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - January 3rd, 2020

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them. This and all previous Fabulous Olicity Fanfic posts can be found on my blog.

The Way We Met multi-chapter Complete by @originalhybridloverfics - Ever since Felicity Smoak lost her mother, she struggled to move forward until the day she met Oliver Queen and her whole life changed. Oliver has lived his life with one thing in mind, survive. Growing up in the system taught he had to look out for himself at any cost. However, the day he met Felicity changed him. Can two lost people find their way in each other? Can their love survive when an old enemy tries to tear their world down around them, leaving nothing but pain and regret in their wake? https://archiveofourown.org/works/21360379/chapters/50879065#workskin

There's No Game Tougher Than Love multi-chapter Complete by @mindramblingsfics - "Oh, let me guess. You're not used to people saying no to you." Felicity took her textbooks back from Oliver and slipped them inside her locker. "That's...come on. That's totally not it," Oliver quickly objected. She leaned against the now closed locker folding her arms across her chest. Turning back to him, a teasing smiled tugged at the corner of her lips as she studied him with her eyes. "Tell me what it is then. Inquiring minds really want to know." Oliver looked back in Felicity's eyes and instantly knew this girl in front of him was like no other girl he'd met before and he was foolishly up for the challenge. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11519925/chapters/25855590

Strip Poker and Fruit Cocktail multichapter Complete by TaraB1915 - Felicity and Oliver have a second mini-moon at the Queen's mountain lodge. https://archiveofourown.org/works/21938257/chapters/52359037

The Magic of Christmas multichapter WIP by yearsofexperience - Felicity is the CEO of her own company, which takes up most of her time. She doesn't have much time to relax so when her best friend suggest they go for a trip to ski lodge in Aspen owned by Oliver Queen, she needs a lot of convincing. Giving in to her friend, Finally, she gives in not knowing that her life is about to turn upside down. https://archiveofourown.org/works/21993718

Forward is the Only Way Through multichapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - "If life is giving us another chance, don't you think we should take it?" Will life finally give high school sweethearts Oliver and Felicity the chance to be happy the way they always dreamed of when they were younger? As adults, professional baseball player Oliver Queen and technology mogul Felicity Smoak try to navigate their love while also dealing with the demands of everyday life and their respective rising careers. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13182393/chapters/30151908

The Legend of the Snowmen multi-chapter WIP by WinterJoy - Felicity believes in the legend of the snowmen. Oliver had never heard of such a thing. Now he has a new way to show Felicity how important she is to him. https://archiveofourown.org/works/22007416/chapters/52516834

Let's Make a Deal You and I by babswonder - It's a suit shop nerd store AU. Oliver Queen is a local menswear employee on a quest to find a microwave. What he wasn't expecting was stepping inside a nerd store and dipping his toes into nerd culture...and finding a cute blonde. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252581

Forget Me Not multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Felicity was presumed dead after The Gambit was shipwrecked and she went missing. As the one year anniversary of her death approaches, a miracle happens and she is found. Just when Oliver thinks the universe has given them a second chance, he learns Felicity barely remembers him and the memories of their love together are gone entirely. Oliver and Felicity’s journey after they reunite prove to be a tough road ahead, and then they learn that Felicity’s accident may have had a more sinister motive behind it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/18392291/chapters/43556987

In Search of Caffeination by @smewhereelse - Five scenes from the morning shift at Verdant Coffee Co., and one from after closing. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12017259

Phone Etiquette by delinquentdee - Venting to a friend is a great form of stress relief... unless you're Felicity Smoak. https://archiveofourown.org/works/22013380

You and Me (From the Night Before) by @fellicityqueen - Felicity drinks a bit too much to survive a mayoral New Year's Eve party. Oliver helps her through her hangover. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13237731

The Heist by @wrldtravler - Here’s a cute little high school Olicity AU drabble that popped into my head based on some prompts https://wrldtravler.tumblr.com/post/168961333837/the-heist

Lost and Found multichapter Complete by @it-was-a-red-heeler - Mayor Queen asks his bodyguard to find a mystery woman, and inadvertently sets John Diggle up for an adventure. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12126795/chapters/27504684

Love and Little Cupcakes multi-chapter Complete by @christinabeggs - Felicity loved sweets so much that she paid no attention to her lovelife. Until Thea Queen came into her store wanting fabulous cupcakes for her sixteenth birthday. SO ADORABLE! http://archiveofourown.org/works/12400539/chapters/28216053

We Ended as Lovers multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - Three years ago, Felicity’s life was perfect. She was offered a job at two great companies. Her boyfriend just started his own fashion label, and they picked a perfect apartment to live in together. The more heartbroken she was when Oliver got cold feet and it all ended. Now, Felicity is coming back to Starling City, well aware that she is destined to run into her ex-boyfriend there. While old feelings revive quickly, the pain still goes deep. Besides, for some reason Oliver seems to be angry with her. https://archiveofourown.org/works/22034827/chapters/52587292

A King of Heroes multi-chapter WIP by @geneshaven - a fantasy version of Arrow with Oliver as a Prince! https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/189976017469/a-king-of-heroes

People Always Leave by riverwoodhills - "Because if you're gonna leave me, I'd rather you just do it!" He thinks he might throw up. He's pretty sure that with that one sentence, she's just ripped his heart out and stabbed it, set it on fire, blown it up. He doesn't even know what to say. She thought he was going to leave her. Pain ripples through his body, his mind in shambles. He wants to sweep her into his arms, reassure her with everything he has that she's his forever, that there's nothing in this world he wants more than to love her for the rest of his life. He doesn't even know if that would be enough, or if that's what she needs. It's what he needs, but he has to think about her now, so he starts with words. OR Oliver and Felicity talk about the William situation like adults and Oliver realizes that Felicity still has lasting issues stemming from her father that she may have for the rest of her life https://archiveofourown.org/works/22043128

New Year's Eve by flipflops - The much requested follow-up to Last Christmas. https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056895

A Promise of What's to Come by @blondeeoneexox - Oliver asks Felicity to a New Year's Eve mayoral gala. He didn't expect what was coming next. Set in Season 5. https://archiveofourown.org/works/22058332

Elizabeth Grace Smoak multi-chapter WIP by @lynn8828 - What if Felicity and Oliver briefly had met before he got on the Gambit? Despite her best efforts, Felicity was unable to get in contact with the famous Oliver Queen after having a one night stand with him and getting pregnant with his child. After raising their child for five years after finding out that Oliver died on the Gambit, she finds out he is alive and knows that she needs to tell him about their daughter. But will he believe her? AMAZING STORY!! http://archiveofourown.org/works/13639371/chapters/31322715

2315 N. Highbury Ave. multi-chapter WIP by @cruzrogue - Overnight Felicity becomes homeless and she keeps this from Oliver because their friendship is strained and he’s already stressed out enough. Its only a matter of time that some bottled-up feelings will come to the surface. https://archiveofourown.org/works/21447388/chapters/51108508

It's in the Air multi-chapter WIP by @emmilynestill - December 23, 2016. It’s Mayor Queen’s first holiday party and love is in the air. No, wait, that’s tension in the air. Bitterness. Regret. Painful longing for one’s former love. Awkward interactions with current significant others. A little humiliation mixed in. Yup, this was one great party. Then the gas came. Maybe love was in the air Afterall. Just my usual lock Oliver and Felicity in a room with a mind-altering substance with a dash of holiday magic thrown in. And, by magic, I mean Sex Pollen. And maybe a little Truth Serum to stir things up. https://archiveofourown.org/works/21552481

Leaving by @tangled23works - Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak have been married for 18 months when she finds the courage to ask for a divorce. For some reason, her husband is adamantly against that. He tries to keep her close because he thinks they belong together. She tries to keep him away because she thinks they have nothing in common. https://archiveofourown.org/works/22085614

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper// @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 // @laxit21 // - let me know if you want to be tagged or untagged!

#FabulousOlicityFanficFriday #olicity fanfiction #fic recs

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neganandblake · 5 years

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I think I liked you better when you didn’t have a knife in your hand, Peaches... Chapter 204 - Are you sure?

When Blake finds herself sold out to the Saviours by her abusive fiancé, she realises that she’s certainly not on her own anymore and finds an unlikely friend in Negan. And Negan does NOT like men who beat their girlfriends, one tiny bit….

Chapter 204 - Are you sure?

[After Carson’s shock news, Blake still can’t believe it could be true. Just a short chapter to tide you all over]

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"What?" whispered Blake, her pink lips hanging open in shock.

This couldn't be real, it just couldn't be.

"You're pregnant, Blake," repeated Dr Carson, his voice sounding stark in the quiet of the medical room.

Blake shook her head.

No.

They had been so careful for months with just one single slip up.

"A-Are you sure?" she managed to mumble out.

Maybe this was all a dream. Maybe she was still unconscious, and this was her mind cruelly playing tricks on her.

If it was true, why hadn't she felt that same nausea, those same cravings as before? Although admittedly every pregnancy she had had, had felt different. Each with their own ups and downs.

The blonde woman could only watch now as Carson swivelled back around in his chair, picking up a second thin strip of indicator paper from the desk.

"I did the test twice," he said in a quiet voice, his warm, sorry eyes roving over Blake's features. "You're definitely pregnant, Blake."

Blake felt her eyes welling with tears as she shook her head desperately.

"B-But I can't be…" she said, feeling her hands begin to shake.

Carson tilted his head, staring at her. "I know after all you've been through over the last six months, this may not seem the right time-"

"I've lost three babies, Harlan," said Blake sharply, as angry tears sloshed from her eyes before she could stop them. "Three. What makes you think this time it's gonna be any different?"

Carson fell silent at her words.

None of this was fair.

It was as though life was cruelly mocking her. Taunting her. Allowing her to get so close to that which she had always coveted- a family, a child of her own - before snatching those dreams away at the last moment before they could become a reality.

"I'm really sorry, Blake," said the doctor looking sympathetic. "But there's not a lot we can do now."

Blake gave a heavy shuddering sigh, bowing her head and closing her eyes for a brief second.

"I know," she whispered, her mind suddenly travelling to Negan.

It wasn't just herself she needed to worry about now. How would Negan take this news? He had been as devastated as her at the loss of their baby. So would losing another push them apart for good?

Blake couldn't say what state her mental health would be in after another loss like the last one. Would she forget herself again? Run away? Be unable to cope with the loss?

But the blonde woman opened her eyes at this thought.

No.

That was not going to happen again. This wasn't the way her life was going to go.

For too long she had been controlled by fear.

If she was never meant to carry a baby to term, then fine, but this was not going to destroy her. Not again.

She pictured the two most important people in the world to her now.

Negan and Mia.

She was going to get through all this for them. This loss wouldnt break her like the others.

And so, wiping at her wet cheeks, Blake slid herself from the gurney.

"I need to go find Negan," she said with a small sigh.

Carson looked up at her. "Maybe you should rest for a bit-" he attempted, but Blake cut over him with a determined shake of her head.

"I honestly feel fine," she admitted, taking a long sniff of air. "But I've got to see Negan. I've got to tell him."

And she did. This was no longer just her affected by all this, but Negan too.

This was his life she was impacting. And this was not something Blake was going to run from. Not anymore.

Blake paced across the room, pausing for a moment at the door, looking back to Carson.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

Carson shook his head giving her a brief and sympathetic smile.

But Blake had already pushed herself through the door, heading out into the drafty corridor.

She made to head back toward the rec room hoping Negan would still be there, but a sudden whistle from behind her drew her attention suddenly, causing Blake to swing around on the spot, coming face to face with the dark-haired Saviour himself.

Negan was stood there now, leaning against the wall just a few feet down from the medical room, arms folded, looking more than a little impatient.

His dark and worried eyes searched her face, as he pushed himself from the wall and walked towards her.

"Everythin' alright, Darlin'?" he asked in a voice full of concern.

It was no surprise to her that Negan had followed her down here, looking like he had been impatiently awaiting any news from the medical room, be it good or bad.

Blake worried at her lip for a brief moment before speaking.

"C-Can we go somewhere to talk?"

Negan hovered for a moment or two, with Blake half expecting him to say no and demand she tell him what was wrong, right here, right now.

But surprisingly, Negan nodded, placing a hand to the small of her back and walking in silence with her down the hallway.

Blake wasn't quite sure where she was going and it wasn't until she reached the large staircase that led to the upper floors did she make the decision to go back to their room.

A safe place.

Somewhere where they wouldn't be disturbed.

Walking up the looming metal staircase Blake chanced a glance at the Saviour beside her, whose jaw was currently clenched, his anxious eyes fixed on the space before him as he walked.

He knew it was bad news.

Blake knew he could read her too well, knowing that if it was good news, she would have just brushed it off the moment she had left Carson's.

And so reaching down, Blake took his hand in hers, drawing his attention to her immediately. She offered him a small yet sad smile, entwining her fingers with his.

They would be ok, she was sure of it.

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smkkbert · 5 years

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Time for a story - The fantasy of being with you

When her phone buzzed, Felicity shot a brief look at the display.

O: I am bored. Send me a photo of what you are wearing.

Felicity pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek, something Oliver had lately done a lot of times when he had been thinking about sex. She guessed it was another tick she was going to adapt from him.

Flashing a smile at her CFO who was currently summing up the most important facts about the company’s finances, Felicity grabbed her phone. Her thumbs hovered over the display for a moment as she considered what she should text him. She knew that he didn’t have a meeting, so he was probably bored and wouldn’t let himself be shaken off easily. Felicity on the other hand was stuck in this meeting for at least another hour, but that didn’t mean that she was any less bored.

F: You know what I am wearing.

Oliver’s answer followed immediately, proving to Felicity that he was indeed bored.

O: I mean what you are wearing beneath that pink dress.

F: You know what I am wearing beneath that too.

As much as Oliver had tried to hide it, she had noticed the sneaking looks he had thrown her through the mirror when she had dressed herself this morning. Oliver loved watching her shower and watching her get dressed.

O: I want to hear it from you.

Felicity doubted that this was the right time for sexting. As the head of the company she should be a good example for showing attention during a meeting.

F: I am in a meeting.

O: So?

F: What do you expect me to do? Do you actually want me to take off my clothes in front of all the people working for and with me?

O: Probably not.

F: I thought so.

Felicity put her phone away to the edge of the desk and tried to turn her attention back towards the meeting. As much as she tried to push away the thoughts of the texts that she and Oliver could be sending each other right now, Felicity found herself unable to do so.

Biting down on her tongue, she grabbed her phone once more and held it beneath the tabletop. At least that way she could pretend that she was following the meeting.

F: I can tell you this much though: I am wearing some pink lace beneath.

O: Do I get to take it off when you are back home?

A smile tugged at the corners of Felicity’s lips. She’d never get over how hot she and Oliver still were for another. Sex was definitely no issue in their marriage.

F: Maybe.

O: What’s maybe? I want a yes.

F: Convince me.

O: I will push up the hem of your dress slowly, letting my fingers travel over your soft skin while I am doing so. Goosebumps spread on your skin, following the touch of my fingers.

Felicity wiggled back and forth on her chair slightly. It was crazy, but the bare mention of what he would do with her made a jolt of pleasure run through her core. She was in for sex so easily, no matter when or where.

F: I’m bored.

O: I will hook my fingers into the waistband of your panties and tug them down. My hands will cover your hips, and I will cup the cheeks of your ass.

Felicity had to press her legs together. She had memorized Oliver’s touch so well that her skin seemed to remember what it would feel like. It was almost like his fingers were already there, touching her and grazing over the seam between her butt cheeks.

O: I will kneel down and lift your legs over my shoulders. My head will bury between your legs, and my mouth will explore your sensitive core.

Felicity wiggled her toes slightly. She had to remind herself to breathe as her heart was already pounding wildly. It would feel so good to feel him like that.

O: You will ride my face, seeking your pleasure. As your nerve endings start burning, you will bury your hand in my hair and pull at it. It won’t ease the hot feeling that’s spreading on your skin though. You will pant between your deep moans.

Felicity caught her bottom between her front teeth to bite back a moan that she felt rising in her throat.

O: My tongue will move in and out of your wet channel lazy, increasing your pleasure more and more.

Felicity massaged the back of her neck. She felt heat spreading on her skin while the tingling in her sex increased.

O: You will moan my name with deep voice, asking me to finally make you come, but I won’t comply.

No, he wouldn’t comply. The more she’d beg him, the less willing he was to give her what she wanted. He loved to hear her beg, loved to hear how much she needed him and only him.

O: You won’t be able to talk anymore by the time I will pull my tongue from your tight channel and lick a long path between your folds until I reach your clit.

Felicity lifted her gaze towards the other people in the room briefly. So far, she hadn’t caught anyone’s attention. At least nobody was looking at her. If Felicity wasn’t mistaken, her assistant Emily was trying a little too hard not to look at her though. She might have caught up on this.

Even more head rose to Felicity’s cheeks as she blushed. Being caught sexting by her assistant wasn’t exactly on her list of things she’d like to do.

When Felicity’s phone buzzed again with another text from Oliver, she didn’t dare to open it. She was already so turned on by everything he had messaged her that she wasn’t sure she could take another text.

Her right forefinger tapped against the back of her phone nervously. She wanted to read Oliver’s text, but she didn’t want to do so in front of all these people that were working for her.

“Felicity?”

At Emily’s voice, Felicity flinched and dropped her phone to the floor. With slightly widened eyes, she turned towards her assistant.

“Felicity, are you okay?”

“Uhm-“

Felicity wasn’t sure what she should say. It took her a moment until she noticed the expression in Emily’s eyes, telling her to take this way out. Apparently, her assistant could actually read her mind.

“I’m- I’m feeling a little bit dizzy,” Felicity lied, figuring that she could indeed take this way out if Emily offered it to her. “I think I might have to lie down at home.”

Emily nodded. “I suggest that we will continue with the meeting. You have read all the reports anyway. We will continue to help each other catching up. If there is anything you don’t know about, I will inform you. You head home and… rest.”

Felicity nodded quickly. “Yes, that sounds reasonable. Thank you.”

Quickly, a little too quickly for someone who was dizzy, Felicity grabbed her phone from the floor. She gathered her stuff, got up from her chair and hurried towards the door. She murmured some goodbye over her shoulder before she left the conference room and hurried over to the elevator.

Once the doors closed behind her, Felicity read Oliver’s text. She couldn’t be luckier that she was alone because she couldn’t hold back a moan reading those words.

O: My teeth will graze over your clit. You will come so hard that you will yell my name, and your fingernails will scratch over my scalp. Your body will shiver as the tension burns through your muscles and your nerve endings. Neither of us will know where you end and I begin.

Felicity had no idea how Oliver was so good at sexting. It didn’t matter thought because his sexting was only making it more fun to meet at home.

F: At home in twenty minutes. You better meet the expectations you are rising here.

O: I will.

Felicity smiled. She knew he would.

* * *

@fannaz @promiseyoullbepatientwithme @bytemegeekette @felicity-said-just-in-case @phanseptiic @orangeisorange @mspotatohead14 @whentheheavenfades @emmaamelia95 @smoakingskye @seaolicity @ourwritinginvein @1022bridgetp @felicityqueenforever @leagueofolicity17 @yryssss @myhauntedblacksoul @sherlock44 @sinceriouslybea @arrowsalways @olivyflavescentdeer @olicitys-castle @ofnothingcharming @vaelisamaza @smoakedandcharmed @alexisa1206 @mysaudadespt2 @florence-bubbles @addictiontelly @queens-of-arrows @memcjo @hysterical-for-joshifer @oswinelevenforever @olicitylovemaking @bandanab310 @mymusiclove101 @lynslogic @scarletqueen23 @olicityshipper19 @alex-wesley @arrows-4ever @unabashedlynerdypatrol @louehmysoul @ligiapimenta @chattyyana @charlie-leau @coal000 @samcrowleys @ishippolivia @julianegomesqueen @malafle @miriam1779 @charlinert @melaux @ontheolicityship @myshipperlife @wrightainsley @lexi9515 @ladygreenwood @multi-fandom-crazy-fangirl @morinamel @mje-thomas @kebarry @canadianheartgirl @nannett2307 @almondblossomme @paarti12 @kathrynelizabeth89 @imdfabulous @cutearrowgirl @mrt2501 @mecha1330 @arsipaci14 @mzminx @salasvia @brandis91 @cainc3 @morganmiguess @pr0fessi0nal-fangurl @iamisalima @nessafrancis-blog @jonhdiggle @niki-is-amazing @universed-posts @hopeful-warrior @senoritaswiftie @bellemmie @green-arrows-of-karamel @iheartarrow @olicityovereverything @oliverfel4 @navyaarsha @pleasantfanandstudent @simone4mcswarek @olicity-in-the-heart @fullychippedcreation @geemarie @everything-but-normal-cat @myarroworld @tjmartinez @pleasantfanandstudent @itsmagnoliagirl @j69confessional2 @scentedcolorpirate @icanica74 @javinancupil @tjmartinez98 @certainmentalityface @tatianadamaceno @ryelew @wildwillowzepplin @missafairy @letsplaymurde-r @lipizette @positivepiper @nuttymilkshakehologram @laksagirl @turnupthemusicandscream @pumpernickle93 @onceuponanolicity @1106angel @jaspertown @fadinglands @morganashimi83 @mochababychristy @omglovechrissie @mariejr88-blog @thetaufactor @onceuponanolicity @speakandseethetruth @bri206 @aglasgo @thats0klaroline @geemarie @pineprincess @nerdgirljen @peterpanslostgirl666 @eternal-olicity14 @allyouhadtodowas-stay-stay-stay @lovelycssefan @tsseract @flowerandsunshine @dcnmarvelgamergeek @blondeeoneexox @monetsmark @soaring-cities @bb-olicity @mashamarty @rulerofsilence @erika-amber @felicity087 @i-claim-only-emily @pattid1 @westallenandolicityshipper @babyolicityandwestallen @nothingmorethanmyotps @kayleenyc @tonto16 @olicityfluv @olicitea1990 @olicity5ever @haahaaa2408 @pattid1 @faegal04 @24karatgem @wrldtravler @readerkas @valery6488 @lemmyeatspeaches @24karatgem

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endless-vall · 5 years

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So close, yet so far - Marc Antony x MC fanfic

Summary: After Xante told Antony about Acilia’s plotting with Cassius, things get heated between her and Antony, and they cross a line from which they may never return.

Author’s notes: BEWARE! ANGST AHEAD!

Surprisingly enough (or not), my main LI in ACOR is actually Cassius.

I’ve made a second MC, solely for the purpose of romancing Antony as well since I did find him an interesting & intriguing character.

The thing is - thought - that I could see my main MC romancing Antony as well, I just can’t see them working out in the long run. She would always choose Cassius in the end (in my playthrough, she only seduces Antony for his help, nothing more) but in fanfics you, that’s the fun part, you can do pretty much anything you want, and it doesn’t have to be part of your own ‘canon’ world.

I am planning on writing an Acilia/Cassius & Saffron/Antony fanfics in the future, but I’m not sure when it’ll happen. In the meantime, enjoy this one! 😄

Tagging: @cora-nova @lilyofchoices @paisleylovergirl@dandeservestheworld @mfackenthal @quacksonlover@blackcatkita @writtenbycandy . Let me know if you wanna be tagged in future works for Antony x MC/ACOR/Perma tag! Let me know if you want to be untagged! ^^ I might’ve messed up the tagging, so don’t be shy to ask to be added/removed!

Antony’s last words echoed in her mind. Acilia chewed on her lower lip.

An unfitting act for a courtesan, but thankfully, she was sitting alone in her chambers at the moment.

“We’re not as different as you’d like us to be,” He snapped at her, his eyebrows twisting into a frown. The anger over his face radiated so intensely she could almost feel it, like a burning heat over her own body.

Acilia took a step back, but kept a straight face. “I’m nothing like you, Antony” She managed to keep her voice calm, even if she was helpless inside.

“Really? So it wasn’t you who killed Senator Glycia’s son?” He raises an eyebrow.

Acilia opens her mouth to defend herself, to protest, but... Nothing comes out. She can’t lie to him... Not to Antony.

Antony smirks, obviously pleased with himself. “Legate Aquila?”

This time Acilia frowns. He had it coming. They both had it coming!

“I will not stand here and tolerant your accusations.” Acilia knows Antony knew about her plans of revenge a long time ago, but it doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t deny them. Especially when other people could hear.

She turns on her heels and prepares to leave but Antony grabs her hand and forces her to stop. It’s not enough to cause her any pain but it’s enough to keep her in place.

“What?--” She hurls back at him, but he still keeps her hand in his, despite her upset expression and aggressive tone.

“You think I’m the bad guy here?” He suddenly sounds so much calmer, but somehow... It’s even worse. It way more terrifying that way.

“Take a look at the mirror, Acilia. You’re no better than me.”

She gasps, finally freeing her hand from his grasp. “This, this is where you’re wrong. Enjoy your time with Xanthe.” Acilia is finally able to tear herself off Antony, and walk away.

Xanthe told Antony Acilia has been plotting with Cassius against him and Caesar, and he started favoring Xanthe over her. He’d visited the scholae once again, briefly bumping into Acilia - right before storming out. Acilia followed after him out to the streets, trying to confront him. Trying to...

Well, she wasn’t sure what was she trying to do anymore.

It’s not like Xanthe was lying. Acilia was plotting with Cassius.

But Antony made it clear he disliked being used...

Or maybe it was even more than that. It sure felt like that.

From the way he seemed to take it personally, to how offended he looked. How... Hurt? Maybe? Furious, on the other hand, definitely.

Antony looked like... He truly thought Acilia had feelings for him. Which is why learning she was using him and plotting with Cassius has stung at him.

Who knew? Maybe she did have feelings for him. She just couldn’t let it interfere with her plans. She couldn’t let it stand in the way of her revenge.

It might’ve been too late. Maybe she already let it stand in the way of her plans.

Sighing deeply, she looked in the mirror in front of her.

“Take a look at the mirror, Acilia. You’re no better than me.” His words rung like bells in her ears.

Was she really no different from him? Will she truly choose her revenge over anything, anyone?

With uneasiness in her heart, she allowed herself to lean backwards into her bed and drift into a dreamless sleep.

“Acilia, time to wake up! It’s nearly time you went to the games!” She heard Lena’s voice even before the echoing of her footsteps.

She marched into the room, kicking the door open, with a huge smile plastered over her face and a stunning dress in her hands. “Wear this to the games and Antony won’t be able to tear his eyes off you.” Lena proclaimed.

“The games? But I thought Antony invited Xanthe to accompany him to the games,” Acilia twitched her eyebrows into a bewildered expression.

The fact she just woke up didn’t do much help to her confusion, as well.

“You’re not going with Antony to the games.” Lena smiled, tilting her head to the side.

“You’re going with Cassius.” She explained.

“Ahh, I see.” Things finally made sense. Acilia stood up and took the dress from Lena’s hands. “It’s beautiful...” She couldn’t help but admire the stunning gold fabric of the dress, draped over Tyrian purple decorated with eagle feathers. Lena was right - that dress was ought to catch the eyes of any men of Rome.

“Go to the games with Cassius, wearing this, and make sure Antony knows you’re there on another man’s arm. His own jealousy will do the rest.”

And with that, Acilia accepted.

Equipped with Lena’s finest dress and accessories, and with Cassius accompanying her, Acilia arrived at the games.

On the way to their seats, she already saw Antony at his place, as the director of the games, with Xante by his side.

Their eyes did cross each other, fixating on the other. Antony’s eyes burned with fury, and he averted his gaze just as quickly as it has landed on Acilia.

She wondered whether Lena’s plan worked, or rather if he was simply still furious from the past events.

The games started, and he didn’t look at her. Not even once more.

She seemed to be invisible, dead to Antony.

But the longer he ignored her, the clearer it became. Yes - he avoided her - but it was killing him inside.

Antony used everything he had in him to look away from her, and a smile spread across Acilia’s lips.

“Enjoying the games, really?” A concerned look flashed across Cassius’ face.

“What?” Surprise washed over her, as Acilia realized she was still sitting with Cassius, watching a brutal fight in the arena below.

“Oh, god - No.” Acilia shook her head. “Just realized something and I have a good feeling about it.” She explained, sending him an apologetic smile.

“You want to tell me what that is?” Cassius moved in closer, dropping his tone and speaking into Acilia’s ear.

“Maybe later,” She winked at him, although she knew she couldn’t possibly tell him the truth.

But he didn’t need to know it.

As the games came to a finish, everyone were getting out of their seats. Acilia threw one last look into Antony’s direction, catching him just as he was staring.

Frozen in place, an unreadable expression over his face, and just the tiniest furrow in his brows, Antony was studying her, head to toe.

Xante wrapped her hands around his arm, as if trying to pull him with her. Unable to nudge him, she followed his gaze, only to fall over Acilia.

Xante immediately frowned, and seemed to give Antony a piece of his mind. He - on the other hand - looked unbothered.

Acilia decided it was a good time - and flashed him a smile.

Successfully undermining him, Acilia’s plan was going according to plan. An astounded look flashed across his features, and his mouth dropped open - as he wondered why might Acilia smile.

Getting her cue, Acilia turned around and joined Cassius, and they left the arena together, leaving Antony and Xante behind.

This was far from being over.

And she was right. He came to see her, that night. She had just gotten out of the shower, after getting back from the games and bidding Cassius goodnight.

“I want to see her right now-” She heard his demands even before she saw his face.

“I understand, domine, but you’ll have to send for her and wait for your-” She heard Lena explaining firmly as she approached.

“Thank you, Lena, but that won’t be necessary. I have time now.” Keeping her expression balanced now, yet smiling, was easier now she knew her acts worked on Antony.

Lena raised her eyebrow at her, as if asking if she was sure. Acilia gave her one, definite nod and Lena exhaled. “Very well.” She accepted, and left them be - not before sending one last glance at Acilia, as if warning her to be careful.

“This way,” Acilia didn’t wait for Antony to speak first, and led him to the scholae’s gardens. They weren’t as grand or as magnificent as many of her roman patrons had, but they were pretty enough and quiet and most importantly, private.

Antony followed her, not giving much importance to their change of scenery.

“You wanted to see me?” Acilia turned, making a show of the swaying of her hips. As much as Antony was mad at her, it definitely caught his eye.

“You drive me crazy.” He said that. It wasn’t much of a compliment, too. More of a statement of a fact, and his tone was still somewhat collected, even if Acilia knew better than to believe it. “And you’re so stubborn, and-” Now his tone started getting angrier and angrier.

Ah, there it was.

“Your point?” She narrowed her eyes, cutting him off.

Antony gaped at her. She interrupted him? It wasn’t the first time, admittedly, but usually she had... Better methods... Of doing that.

“You try to prove so hard that you’re better than this. Better than us - THAN ME, but you’re not. And if you could just admit that, hell, Acilia, we could --” He didn’t finish that sentence. Instead, he looked around himself. Anywhere but her.

“We could?” She pressed, even if deep down she knew the answer to that, and that’s an answer she didn’t want to hear. Because she knew the cost it could take from her, and it’s a cost she wasn’t willing to pay.

He looks back, meeting her eyes, and just as fast - his lips are over her own. Fierce, demanding. Trying to claim her as his own. He pushed her against a nearby tree, almost violently. Both of his hands came up to caress her face, pulling him towards her, and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t kiss back.

It started almost aggressive, but somehow, towards the end of the kiss, it somehow turned... Soft.

Acilia pressed her forehead against his own. At first, Antony flinched away, but she pulled at the hands placing on her cheeks, and then, almost reluctantly, Antony obliged and moved back in - resting their foreheads together.

They stood in silence. Maybe they both knew it was likely the last time.

And right then, it hit her. Why they were so different, why they could never truly understand each other, let along commit to each other.

“You want to know what’s the difference between the two of us?” Acilia prompted Antony’s unimpressed figure. He immediately stepped back and erased any traces of emotion he might’ve shown just a second earlier.

“Enlighten me, Princess” Somehow, the way the word ‘Princess’ rolled off his tongue now was so different than it used to before. So... mocking, and toxic, she felt a painful shiver run down her bones.

“All those horrible things I’ve done, and believe me, I did. I stand by my actions, I don’t deny them, even if the gods never forgive me, I did them for my people. For my family, for my tribe. But you? Antony? You’ve only ever cared for yourself. And everything you do,” She pauses, pointing a finger sharply against his chest. “You do for yourself.” She pushes against his armor.

She realized, deep down, that if it came down to her - or power... Antony would always choose power.

“And that why we’re different. That’s why we’ll never be able to understand each other. Not completely. Not ever.” She shakes her head, and fights the tears that threaten forming in her eyes. She needs to be strong now. She can’t show him the effect he has on her.

Just a few moments more, she assures herself. Just a few moments more and he’ll be gone - she’s sure.

Her words made sure of it. There was no turning back now.

And she’s right.

Antony nods once, his face unreadable, as usually. He put back on the mask he usually carries, the one she was able to briefly cast off.

“You can keep telling yourself those lies,” He tells her, but she knows it’s just his way to deal with their inevitable parting. “But you’re a murderer, and you’re no better than me. You can fool anyone you want, Acilia, but you can’t fool me,” His words come out as a stream, and even though he’s not cursing at her, it sure feels like it.

Acilia decides to endure it, so she simply shrugs and plasters a weak yet confident smile. “Sure, Antony. Whatever makes you sleep better at night.” She promises him, and for just a moment his facade wavers and she can see how furious he’s with her.

“This is goodbye, Acilia. Just know, the next time you need my help, the next time you come crawling to me, asking for a favor... I won’t help you.” With that, he turns on his heels and starts walking away, out of Acilia’s sight, and out of her heart.

And he was right. This was goodbye. She was going to see him again, obviously, but never like that. This was their breakup, their love story ending sooner than it began.

#playchoices #playchoices fanfic #a courtesan of rome #marc antony #antony x mc #marc antony x mc #acor #fanfic #my writing #angst

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