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daydreamsofh · 4 years

Text

Dreamy

A/N: Ahhhh! Hi, hello :) Here is my piece for the Pick Your Poison Fic Challenge! This is the first thing I have ever written,(please be gentle hehe) and I cannot believe you’re about to read it! Thank you, I love you forever. So much love goes to my girls, my best friend @haute-romance-quotidienne (you know how I feel about you) & @harryinsweatersandbandanas- Ash thank you for your constant support and shared love for yearning over H :)

And lastly, I have so much love and adoration for the girls that put this whole thing together. @for-fucks-sake-h @oh-honey-styles @andwhenshesays, thank you all for being so brilliant and allowing us all the chance to try new things and for just constantly being people to look up to and admire. I love you all forever and ever, and I am the luckiest to know you.

Word Count: 7.3K

Yearning, yearning, pining. more yearning, yearning, and some more yearning. Sometimes our wildest daydreams do come true.

***

Dreamy soft green eyes watched you from the other side of the room before he shifted his eyes back to the person he was talking to. Arguably this was the hardest part of your friendship with Harry, to see him with other people, other women and knowing that you’d never measure up. Or at least in your eyes, you wouldn’t. And truthfully it had nothing to do with the women he dated. They had all been kind to you and tried to be your friend once they realized how big of a role you played in Harry’s life. They were all lovely and nice and funny, and generally good to him. It never had anything to do with them, and everything to do with you.

Over the years of your friendship with him it had gotten harder and harder to act like you weren’t totally, completely, annoyingly, hopelessly in love with him. Especially on nights like tonight.

Gathered in his lofty, but cozy house with dozens of his closest family and friends for a listening party to celebrate the release of his brand new spanking album. He’s already had two listening parties specifically for his fans, but he wanted to have one for the people that make up his support system, that keep him going when the world feels too big and scary. Plus being the narcissist he so naturally is, the ego boost of his most loved ones listening to his album first and loving it first was an added plus.

He’d told you for months how special this album was to him, and you had singlehandedly witnessed the sheer joy he felt while making it. So when he invited you to the listening party, with those big green eyes slowly blinking at you, of course you said yes.

Walking into his home you were greeted by Anne, who was already teary eyed just from simply seeing all of the people gathered together that make up Harry’s life. She jumped up from her seat once she saw you and wrapped you up in a warm hug.

“‘There she is! Always so wonderful to see you love. I’m happy you’re here, he’s been asking for you.’” She squeezed your arm and sent you a wink before leaving you to go find Harry.

Right as she was, once you turned your back from her his eyes caught yours and he made a beeline for you. Weaving in and out of the crowds of people he reached for your hand before pulling you in and burying his face in your neck. The gesture made you sway, having to brace his shoulders so you wouldn’t fall over. When he finally pulled back he had the biggest smirk on his face as his hand reached to cradle your head and he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“‘Look who finally made it! Just in the nick of time like always. Hi Sweets.’”

Taking him in made you suddenly very glad you chose not to wear too high of heels tonight, because you almost fell over when you saw what he was wearing. Grey high waisted trousers, because why would anyone wear pants that actually sit on their hips correctly? A striped button top with the sleeves rolled up, and an over the top overly-grandpa sweater vest. His hair kept falling in his face and he had a content, soft, dreamy look on his face. Add the way he looked at you to the long list of reasons you loved him.

Looking up at him your stomach did a backflip before you breathed a small laugh and muttered, “Hi H, got quite the crowd tonight huh? It’s a shame more people don’t love you,”

“Oh yeah didn’t I tell you? I had to bribe everyone here with Gucci gift cards to get them to show up tonight,”

“Yeah I bet you did Gucci golden boy,”

That had him laughing deep in his chest before he playfully swatted at your arm, but just like always he was pulled in another direction as Jeff told him it was time to get the show on the road and get the listening party going.

“Gonna be okay on your own? Should I go grab you some tissues before we get started? Maybe some tea?” He said it with a shit eating grin on his face and a wink.

You narrowed your eyes at him before you replied, “You are a lot of things Styles but a comedian is not one of them! Get outta here before I change my mind and listen to it in the comfort of my own home,”

“Oh you wouldn’t dare, you wouldn’t make me miss out on that cute face reacting to my groundbreaking musical mastery would you?” He winked at you after his oh-so funny quip and you thought you were going to actually pass out and hit the floor from him calling your face cute. You knew your voice would give out and that your cheeks were burning so you just shook your head no and smiled so hard your face started to ache. With that he was finally gone to give his thanks to everyone for attending and for some more mingling before they would actually start the party.

After he walked away, you bumped into your mutual friend Sam, who actually introduced you to Harry at one of his shows years ago.

“Hey babe! I’m so glad you made it, I was afraid you would be too weepy to come today. No offense, but I know how he makes you. Especially with his music. Something about boys with guitars, right?”

After you smacked him in the chest for his hilarious reminder of just how much you pine for Harry and have for years, you muttered a very matter of a fact, “For your information it is not ‘something about boys with guitars’ it is about one boy with a guitar, and I think I have a pretty good handle on my weepy-ness today, so sod off.”

He gave you a knowingly smile and you shot one right back because he was absolutely right.

Everyone in your inner circle knew how you felt about Harry. Actually, anyone who was around the both of you for more than a few minutes picked up on it. From the way you bantered and poked fun at each other to the way you laughed at every one of his stupid jokes, to the way you longingly and very dramatically gazed at him pretty much all the time. And who could blame you?

He made everyone he spoke to feel like the most important person in the world. It was overwhelming how intently he listened and watched people. He was the most kind hearted, patient man. You’d lost count of how many times he talked you off the ledge, how many times he reassured you when you doubted yourself at work, or how many times he called to check on you after you swore up and down to him that you were okay. It was overwhelming how much he cared. It was overwhelming how much he radiated love and understanding. And most of all it was overwhelming how being in the same room as him even for just a second made you feel like you could breathe again. He was like coming up for fresh air, every single time.

And if anything made you feel more overwhelmed than just simply looking at him, watching him perform was a close second. He was ridiculously talented, a natural performer, and just so annoyingly amazing at what he does. No matter how many shows of his you went to you found yourself getting emotional watching him do what he was born to do, he exuded talent and the fact that you got to witness him in action was something you would never get over. He teased you about it each time he watched you from the pit or sides of the stage blubbering, but nonetheless he loved the fact that he could get such a reaction out of you. You also swore you saw his ears tinge pink each time you told him how great of a show he put on. You knew how hard it would be tonight to listen to his brand new songs in his house, IN FRONT of him and all of your closest friends and not cry the entire time. Damn him and his dreamy musical mastery ways.

You watched him hop onto his fireplace alongside Jeff to give one of his famous speeches. His eyes scanned the room and he gave everyone a slow, smirking grin. A slow, honeyed one that warmed you from the inside out and made your chest feel light and fluttery.

“I just want to thank you all so much for taking the time to come out and listen to my album, I love you all endlessly and this album is just as much for you as it is for me.” Harry's eyes found yours again and “You all know how I feel about you so I won’t bore you with a long speech, I love you and thank you for being here. Enjoy.”

And with that he was gone and you lost him in the crowd. After all of the headphones were passed out and everyone had their instructions on how to go about actually playing the album, you were sat in a loveseat near one of the many windows in his house, tucked away from the rest of the crowd.

Sam took the seat next to you and gave you a reassuring smile before he said, “If it gets too much you can get up and leave. I know that you know who most of these songs are going to be about and I don’t want to see you upset. I’ll even give you a ride home.”

You smiled back at him and sighed, “I really think I’ll be okay. I’m always happy just to hear his voice you know? No matter how hard this will be I’m staying. He has all of my support regardless of the fact that these songs aren’t about me. I just wanna be here with him, for him.”

Another smile, “Okay babe, whatever you want.”

Headphones were finally passed out and it was time to actually listen to the album. But before you could do that, Harry found where you were sitting and leaned up against the wall closest to you. Before you could ask what he was doing he just smiled, actually beamed at you and shook his head.

“Just wanted to lay my eyes on you before you started listening.” He pushed off the wall and walked over to you, kissed you on the forehead and chucked his fingers under your chin. “You know it means the most to me that you’re here. You’re pretty important to me, know tha’?”

It was such a simple, friendly thing to say, and tears pooled in your eyes before you knew it. “Yeah I've gathered that, I’ll come find you when i”m done listening. Go on,”

You squeezed his hand and gave him a smile while fighting back tears. “Go on,” Harry finally walked away and you looked over at Sam who pretended he wasn’t watching your whole exchange.

You know he didn’t mean to but every time you had a moment like this between the two of you it always just felt like he was dangling a carrot in front of you. Dangling the chance of you being together for real, dangling the chance that he felt the same way, and you know he didn’t mean it to be mean, but in a way it was. You knew there was no way he didn’t know how you felt, how could he not? And for him to be so touchy feely with you and look at you with those soft eyes it just felt cruel. And unfair. How could he not know? How could he not see it? Anytime he walked in the room your eyes lit up and you watched his every move. You supported him unwaveringly and jumped at the chance to do anything you could to help him. Not in a love sick puppy kind of way where you doted over him and thought he walked on the moon, you just wanted him to be as successful as he could be and you knew his potential, and never wanted him to settle for anything less. All you wanted was the best for him. And you’d be lying if you said you wished you were the best for him.

You took a deep breath and pressed play on the first song. You had heard samples of a few songs from the album and hearing the whole thing almost felt like an out of body experience. Golden, Watermelon Sugar, Adore You, and Lights Up filled you with so much joy, excitement, and a buzz. His new sound was unlike anything you have ever heard, and you’d still say that even if you weren’t ya know, embarrassingly in love with him. He had found his new groove and it was so poetic and imaginative and just so, Harry. But the farther you got down the list of songs, your stomach dropped.

Obviously you knew that quite a few of these songs would be about her, and obviously there was nothing wrong with that. It was Harry’s album and written from his life experiences, he had every right to write about whoever he wanted. You just didn’t think it would hit you so hard. Falling was a beautiful, raw, purely crafted song and you loved it. But what really did you in was Cherry. Everything from the soft, heartbreakingly warm guitar strumming to his reserved, falsetto voice, to the words that were so obviously meant for someone else, you were done for. Oh god and then his screams at the end. How many times had you felt that way about Harry? How many times had you left a dinner party or one of his shows and watched him leave with someone else and made yourself sick from crying so much and so hard? How many times had you yelled, screamed at the wall for being so invested in him? For loving him so much it made you sick? Too many times. You were able to get through the rest of the album just fine, distracted by the up beat, funky songs. But once you got to the end of the album, your heart cracked wide open again after hearing Fine Line. It was the most beautiful, ethereal, transcendent song you had ever heard, and you couldn’t believe that you knew the person who was responsible for its creation.

Once you were finished listening to the album, you found yourself going back to Fine Line, playing a loop of him saying “You Sunshine, you Temptress”. It was the most beautiful thing you had ever heard, and you just sat there in awe of what you had just experienced.

You looked over at Sam who was already looking at you, and even he was crying. You had no doubt that there was a dry eye in the house.

Remembering that you had so foolishly told Harry that you would find him after you were done listening to the album you tried your best to slow your breathing and heart rate back down, and you wiped your eyes as best you could from the tears that took over a majority of your face. You knew how crazy you must have looked, and you hoped Harry wouldn’t notice that you looked the same as you did when you watched the episode of Grey’s Anatomy when Derek and Meredith FINALLY got together. You had cried THOSE kind of tears.

You stood up from the couch you were sat at and straightened your dress and shook out your hands. Taking a deep breath you wiped at your eyes once more and turned to look at Sam, who was already giving you a sympathetic smile.

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. You shook your head and cleared your throat before you finally found your words.

“Well, you were right. Dammit why does he have to be so? So- just,” Throwing your hands up another tear rolled down your cheek.

Sam smiled and reached for your hand and brushed his thumb over the top, “I know babe. He is just so. I know you told him that you would go talk to him after you listened but you do not have to. I know how hard this was for you and I don’t want him to make you feel even worse. Do you want me to give you a ride home?”

You looked up at him and gave him the best smile you could. “No no I'm fine, I need to stay and go talk to him. I need to tell him how incredible this was, and that I love him. I think I can manage to do that.”

He gave you a reassuring smile and shook his head, “Whatever you need. I’ll be here for a little while longer if you change your mind.”

Before you got up you asked him, “How soppy do I look? On a scale of ya know 1 to soppy?” You asked him with the smallest laugh you could muster.

“You look beautiful. He’s gonna think so too.”

And with that you stood again and finally left to go find Harry. When you rounded the corner of his dramatically long hallway, you found him talking to Jeff and some of his other friends.

Just looking at him from across the room had you teary eyed and your heart feeling like it was going to burst out of your chest. It was like you could feel it in your fingertips just how much you loved him, and every glance he threw your way had you weak at the knees. All you wanted to do was walk over to him and wrap your arms around him and feel his warm hands caress up and down your arms. But you stayed put like you always did, and had your little daydream’s like you always did. As hard as it was to not be “with” him, you’d take anything you could get. Just being in the same room as him made you feel special, and made you feel lucky to know him. Lucky to hear him, lucky to see him, just lucky to know him.

Jeff noticed you lurking behind the both of them and nudged Harry’s shoulder to get his attention. Harry slowly turned around and his eyes softened immediately when he saw it was you. He took off towards you not even bothering to tell the people he was talking to that he was leaving. His gaze on you warmed you from the inside out and you started sniffling again.

He closed the gap between the two of you and you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and looked up at him as his familiar warmth surrounded you. He noticed your weepy eyes immediately and his smile shifted to one of concern. He reached for the crook of your elbow and pulled you in. When he quickly stepped back his hands framed your face and he blurted out a raspy, “Why’re you crying? What happened? Is the album that bad?!” He snorted out a laugh and you gave a matching one, “No no no of course not H. It’s incredible. Really really incredible. I’m so proud of you.” You smiled at him as widely as you could and squeezed his biceps, and for the first time he got an actual look at your face.

Your eyes were definitely still teary and your lips were a bright shade of red and swollen. Your hair was still curled despite you nervously playing with it all night, and it did a good job of hiding your tears. Harry took you in all at once and you smelled so sweet, devine, familiar. Your eyes bounced between him and the floor and he had decided in that moment you had never looked more beautiful. So real.

He started snickering and asked you, “Is that why you’re so upset? Love you look like-”

“Like I just got hit by a bus? Yeah I’m aware H, thanks. And it’s all your fault” you finished with a laugh followed by a whimper.

“I was going to say you look beautiful. And exhausted. Why don’t we go sit somewhere and you can tell me what you really thought. Tha’ sound good?”

He was waiting for your reaction intently when Ben clamoed a hand on his shoulder and told him someone needed his attention right away. “Sorry to steal you away, uh oh are you- is everything okay?” Ben’s eyes flitted back and forth between the two of you.

You spoke up first, “Oh yeah i’m fine, we’re uh- we’re good we were actually just about to go and talk” You shot Ben a small smile and looked back at Harry.

Ben leaned in and whispered something in Harry’s ear and that had Harry shaking his head in agreeance.

Harry glanced back down at you and said “Why don’t you go find somewhere to sit, where it’s uh- just the two of us and wait for me. I’ll only be a minute and I really wanna hear what you think”

His smile dimpled his cheek and carded his hand through his hair.

When you hesitated your reply he grabbed your hand and searched for your eyes again, he opened his mouth so say something else but you cut him off, “Yeah yeah sure I’ll just be uh where I was sitting earlier. Don’t take too long, I might start crying again” you laughed and Harry mirrored a matching one.

“I'll just be a minute, go get comfy” He kissed your forehead and then he was off.

Turning around you tried to hide your squealing and practically ran back to the loveseat you were sitting at earlier. You weren't sure what your plan was, would tonight be the night that you finally, FINALLY confess your undying love for him? Would tonight finally be the night that you tell him what you’ve been feeling all of these years? He was eager to talk to you too, right? He was the one who suggested talking somewhere, alone? Oh dear god could he possibly be waiting to tell you the same thing?! Okay, okay no definitely not but still, maybe? He was awful eager to hear what you thought wasn’t he? Awful eager to go somewhere alone with you?

In your very long winded train of thought you realized you had been waiting an increasingly long time for Harry. You decided to get up and go look for him. You eagerly rose from the couch and padded down the hallway to go find him. Turning the corner your eager smile immediately dropped.

There he was, back turned to you surrounded by a crowd of various adoring women. You recognized a few of them, but not all. You stopped cold in your tracks. Your stomach fell to the floor as your tears clouded your eyes again, what the hell was he doing? This is what was so important that he had to leave you for? You weren't sure if you were more pissed off or upset. They all started laughing at something he said and as soon as Harry looked up from their reactions, his eyes caught yours. You felt your knees go weak and your chest start to heave.

Time to go. You held back your tears as you immediately went searching for your coat and your bag. You just wanted to get out of there, away from Harry and his bullshit lies about “wanting to know what you thought”. Clearly he was more interested in other things. You couldn’t believe he put you in this position, again. You felt so stupid for having hope that maybe he felt the same way about you. So silly of you to think, again that you were on the same level as the women that were in his league, in his world. You felt humiliated beyond belief that he put you here, again. You couldn’t stand to even look at him. You were hoping to leave without him seeing you again, weaving in and out of the crowd of people that filled his living room. You ignored people calling out your name to say goodbye, as you made a beeline for the back door. As short as you were Harry still managed to spot you before you reached the door.

He reached for your arm to stop you but you immediately shook his hand off. That caused him to stop you completely by jumping in front of you to get you to slow down.

His eyes found yours and as painful as it was to look at him.

“Oh my god love stop please what’s wrong? I was just about to go find yeh and talk to you- where are yeh going?’

You huffed. “Oh really? You were just about to come find me? Seemed pretty busy already Harry.”

He knew you using his full name instead of just H meant he was in deep shit.

“I was, honest! Why are yeh so upset?!”

You tried to push past him again but his strong hands on your biceps stopped you.

Looking straight up at the ceiling you squeaked out, “Harry I have to go. I can’t be here anymore and I have a work thing in the morning. “

“Tomorrow is Saturday sweets. I know you don’t have a work thing- and what the hell do yeh mean you can’t be here anymore?” He scoffed. “I thought yeh said yeh loved the album?”

Was he seriously using pet names with you right now? Was he looking to get his ass handed to him?

Looking directly at him you mustered all the courage you had left and said, “I can’t be here anymore and watch you get gawked over by other women, and I sure as hell can’t listen to you sing about her anymore. Please. H just let me go.” Your voice whimpered and a tear slid down your cheek before you finally managed to push past him.

Harry just stood there, dumbfounded. Had he heard you right? Christ had he heard you right?

He was quick to turn around and call out your name but you were already halfway out of the door frame. He begged you to stop but you just picked up the pace and practically ran to your car.

Driving home from the party all you could do was cry. Your tears clouded your visions and you were trembling, chest heaving trying to catch your breath. You were so incredibly proud of Harry, and his album. You tried to convince yourself that these were partly “happy” tears but you knew that wasn’t the truth. You knew it sounded cheesy but you have never wanted to be with him as badly as tonight. That was until you saw him with his new friend. But the more you tried to stay mad at him, you couldn’t. You still just wanted to be with him. And it wasn’t because he was Harry Styles and had a brand new (probably going to be platinum) album out. It was because he was Harry. Your H, your best friend, your favorite person. The man who put together a party where he was surrounded by everyone who loved him and who he felt the most safe around, all to just share his most personal album to date. He made this incredible piece of art and the first thing he wanted to do was share it with the people he loves the most, it was the most adorable thing you had ever seen.

You finally neared the street your apartment was on, and as soon as you got inside and pulled your phone out of your handbag, you already had 5 missed calls and voicemails to match. You knew you scared him with the way that you very dramatically stormed out of his place with tears in your eyes, but you just couldn't call him back. Or even begin to think to. Not only were you heartbroken and upset about the whole situation, you were also embarrassed for your outburst, or actual lack thereof. Damn him and his ability to make you lose all the words in your brain every time he looked at you. You put your phone away for the night, washed off your makeup and put on one of Harry’s old t-shirts you stole a couple years ago to sleep in. You pulled the covers over your head and finally drifted off.

The next few days consisted of Harry calling you every .2 seconds. He sent flowers, baked goods. He even sent you a loaf of bread, which he was sure would do the trick. A bit of an inside joke between the two of you and your shared love of eating your sadness away with the help of massive carbohydrates. He knew better than to actually drop by and try to see you, he figured he just needed to give you a few days and you’d call and tell him what was going on. His main reasoning for that actually was that he didn’t want to spook you or see you upset again. He knew you would come back to him, you always did.

By the 4th day of not hearing from you, Harry was getting increasingly worried. You got a call from Sam, your Mom, multiple mutual friends of yours, you even got a call from Jeff. All claiming that Harry didn’t tell them to call you and check on you, even though you knew that they all had orders to report back to him with whatever you said. Each call you either declined or gave a vague reasoning of why you sounded so unlike yourself. You weren’t really sure what your long term plan was, it’s not like you could just ignore him forever or the situation forever. Although, changing your name and moving to Bora Bora didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

The more phone calls you got the more you wondered about what Harry had told them as a reason to check on you. Being the blabber mouth that he is you were sure that he had told them about what you said to him. It’s not like literally everyone didn’t know how you felt about him, but the fact that he now knew how you felt made your stomach churn.

Maybe Bora Bora was still an option. You tried to busy yourself as best you could, but of course like always your thoughts circled back to Harry. Maybe he hadn’t heard you? Maybe he was too busy thinking about what’s her face that was rubbing her hands up and down his back to hear what you said? You hoped it was the latter.

By the 5th day of you hiding out in your apartment, Harry had lost all patience and grace. He decided to make his presence known and come over to your place. He was tired of waiting, and quite frankly he was terrified he had hurt you beyond repair. The two of you had had little spats and fights over the years of your friendship, at the longest it only took a day for the two of you to calm down and then you were okay. This is the longest the two of you had gone without speaking, and it was making him sick. He needed you, and he loved you. He just hoped he hadn’t ran out of time to tell you.

By the time he got to your apartment you had managed to actually get dressed for the day. For you that meant an old, ratty sweatshirt of Harry’s you stole along with your sleep shirt, a pair of yoga pants. You took your hair out of it’s bun and took a long look in the mirror at yourself. You looked pitiful. You pulled the sleeves of Harry’s sweatshirt over your hands, wiped your tears away and went to get comfy in your front room. You were one episode of Grey’s Anatomy deep when there was a knock at your door. Shit.

You stayed perfectly still and muted the TV. You knew exactly who it was knocking. You’d hope he hadn’t heard your TV and he’d assume you weren’t home. You held your breath as your cheeks started to warm.

It was when you heard that slow, honeyed rasp that your eyes started to leak.

Harry let out a long breath and knocked again. “Angel I know you’re in there. Please, please let me in. I just wanna see your face. I need to lay my eyes on you.” His voice was softer, slower. “I need to hear your voice love please.”

You stood at your feet. As mad and hurt you were by him you just wanted to fling the door open and fall into him. But part of you still wasn’t ready to come face to face with him.

Harry knocked on your door again and you moved closer. He let out another heavy sigh, “Love don’t make me use my key. Please open the door.”

Shit shit shit shit! Why had you given him a key?! Could you run to your bathroom and sneak out the window? Could you hide in your pantry? All viable options you thought.

“Okay, you’ve left me no choice. I’m coming in.” Harry all but barked at you.

Your eyes went wide and you ran to the door and put your hand on the lock. “Wait wait wait Harry just uh- give me, give me a minute.” You fluffed up your hair a little bit and straightened your sweatshirt.

Oh god. You were wearing his sweatshirt. Why couldn't you just melt into the ground instead of opening the door? You wanted to bolt but you knew you just needed to get this over with.

Opening the door you were met with a very somber looking Harry, but his eyes softened and he smiled once he saw you. He looked so sad, so concerned, so confused. He was wearing one of his sweatshirts from his first tour, black jeans and his checkered vans.

“There she is. Hi love.” Harry’s eyes raked over your figure and his eyes went wide when he saw you clad in his sweatshirt. He went in for a hug but you pulled away before he could close the gap and you stepped to the side of him. His brow furrowed but before he could speak you muttered a very small “Hi Harry.”

He was still upset you were using his full name. He wanted to hear your sweet, familiar voice saying the nickname that rolled off your tongue so easily. It was one of his favorite words coming from you, and it made his heart swell each time you said it. It instantly felt cold in your apartment, and you suddenly wish you wouldn’t have opened the door.

You walked behind your kitchen island to put a barrier in between the two of you and his eyes wouldn’t leave yours. The two of you just stood there in silence and you swore you had never felt so exposed. So uncomfortable. How many times had you stood in this very spot with Harry making breakfast together? How many times had he danced with you around your kitchen? How many beautiful and truly wonderful memories did you have of spending time together in your home? You couldn’t believe how detached you felt from him, and as hurt as you were itching to touch him. This strange silence felt so unfamiliar.

You smiled as best as you could and asked him, “What’s up? Are you okay? What’s got you so curious that you had to come all the way over here?” you laughed a little at the end in hopes of him not being able to hear you sniffle.

His eyebrows raised before he replied, “Love you scared the shit out of me. I’ve been worried out of my absolute mind the past couple days. I- I need to know what yeh really meant when you said you couldn’t listen to me sing about her anymore?” His eyes flitted all over your face as he waited for your response. “Please tell me. I’ve been out of my mind thinking about it all week.”

You felt your chest tighten and your eyes started to tear up again. You were just about to make up an excuse when you realized that’s what you’ve been doing all these years, and all it’s done is hurt you and not gotten you and Harry anywhere. Hang buildup. He had already heard you the other night. He needed to know how you really felt.

Looking up at him you took a deep breath and tried to steady yourself. You were half expecting you to chicken out and make up another excuse, but all that came out was, “I’m in love with you Harry.”

Harry’s eyes snapped up and you wished the floor would have come up and swallowed you whole. Where the hell did that come from?! Shit shit shit shit there was no way to take that one back. But you know what? Screw it. Hang buildup. The flood gates were wide open.

You took advantage of your rare bravery and kept going.

“Harry I love you. I’m in love with you. My heart is so full of you I can’t even call it my own anymore. I love you. I really, truly do. I love you so much I can feel it in my finger tips. And every time you look at me. You’re a piece of me. I dream of you. I don’t come without you. I take you with me, everywhere I go. I love you in a really big, stupid, annoying kind of way. Like in the way that I check the weather wherever you’re traveling to so I can know what it’s like where you are. I love you in the way that when you’re out of town I go and I visit with your Mom because I know how much she misses you and I take comfort in her home because it was once your home. I love you in the way that I save every voicemail and voice note you’ve ever left me and I listen to them when i’ve had a shitty day or when I just want to hear your voice and you’re not here. I love you in the way that is embarrassing and loud and over the top. You are the best part of any day.”

Floodgates, wide open. When you finally finished your speech you stood there, unmoving waiting for him to say something. When he stood there for a good minute not saying anything, you started to panic. Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit way too much why did you say all of that?! This was not the finale of Grey’s Anatomy, who did you think you were? Maybe you could still bust out of your bathroom window.

You stuttered and very shakily tried to take it back. “Oh my god I’m so sorry- you, you don’t have to say anything. Maybe you should go, it's clear you don’t feel the same way and we can just try and forget what I said.”

Harry cleared his throat before he readjusted his stance. He went reaching for the pocket in his sweatshirt, and pulled out a pile of letters and notes with a rubber band holding them together.

“I uh, I've been adding to this since the first week we met.” He cleared his throat but he didn’t want to spook you so he just slid them across the island.

There were dozens of letters and sticky notes, even old receipts that had his handwriting scrambled all over them. You figured they were song lyrics and ideas he had, but then you saw your name. He had written you dozens of love letters and notes. He dated them too, and he was telling the truth. The first one was dated the exact day you two had met. You knew because it was the same night you saw him perform for the first time. Your face was red as a tomato as you started to read them and you were suddenly crying again. You hadn’t even noticed but Harry had closed the gap between the two of you and his warm presence was behind you. He brushed his hand against your arm and spun you around to face him.

“I’ve loved you for forever, angel. I’ve loved you since you set foot backstage at that show so many years ago. We had just met and we had had literally one conversation but I knew. I just looked at you and I knew I was going to be with you. Some way, somehow. I didn’t care how long it took. And for the first couple of years of us being friends I settled for just that because I loved you so much it kind of scared me. Hence the pile of notes of me confessing my feelings time and time again.” Harry grabbed your hand and brought it to his chest before continuing, “I love you I love you I love you. Yeh pretty much my entire heartbeat. Y’my girl.”

You were positively sobbing and you felt like you were on fire. Were you dreaming? Did he just? Did he just say all of that? Did he just swoop in here and basically say that he’s been in love with you since the beginning of time? You were in awe of the man standing in front of you. This man who you had loved for years and who you had watched grow into this incredibly understanding, resilient, unashamedly vulnerable man who exudes love and kindness. How lucky were you to love him, and to be loved by him? It almost didn’t feel real, like some sort of daydream. A beautiful, beautiful daydream.

Your throat went dry and you suddenly forgot how to speak. You broke out into an uncontrollable snicker and managed to choke out, “Me? You, you love me too?”

Harry cradled your face in his hands and brushed his thumbs over the tops of your cheeks and let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah I do love. Loved yeh forever. Don't know why it took yeh so long t’see it. Will yeh let me kiss yeh now?”

Oh, hell yes. Harry brought his mouth down to yours and sealed your lips in the sweetest, most sipping kiss. He tasted like his favorite mint tea and his scent over took all of your senses. He kissed you over and over, somehow buttoning your lips together even more perfectly each time. When you both smiled into the kiss it broke and you stood there holding each other with your foreheads pressed together, panting. Harry looked up at you and you had never seen him smile so wide. You were sure he was actually in pain. He looked you up and down and tugged at the bottom of your (his) sweatshirt.

“What’s this hm? Another way you love me? By stealing all m’clothes and never returning them?”

You started giggling and told him to “Shut up H.” You bashfully grinned and hid your face in his warm neck and breathed him in.

“Hey now that’s not nice m’love. Thought yeh said you loved me?” he gave you a shit eating grin and you gave him a matching one.

“I do H, that I do.” That had him grinning at you wider than you had ever seen and the two of you spent the rest of the night wrapped around each other telling each other over and over again how much you loved each other. Well, and maybe showing each other how much you loved each other, too.

#I AM GOING TO THROW UP AND HIDE NOW BYE AJSKEKDDIDIE #pypfc #dreamy #harry styles imagines #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles one shot #harry fluff

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rabble-dabble · 3 years

Text

The Cancer King's Court ~ The Scourge Sisters

Vriska Serket/The Pirate Queen

Everything in this timeline goes the same as in our timeline up until Terezi confronts Vriska. Terezi can’t bring herself to kill her and Vriska goes off to fight Noir. Noir ignores her and proceeds to slaughter her entire team. Vriska is narrowly able to kill Bec Noir, but it’s too late. Everyone else is dead.

Vriska is overtaken by remorse. Stranded alone on the meteor in a Doomed Timeline of her own making, Vriska is left alone with her thoughts. She tries to make conversation with the humans, but she finds she can’t confess what she did. Eventually, the humans start asking about the other trolls and Vriska stops talking to them.

After a few weeks of stewing in her own grief, Vriska gets an idea. If she can’t fix this problem, then her ancestor surely can. Everything Vriska did was done in a failed imitation of her ancestor’s exploits. Surely the person who did it right would have an answer for this problem. She could fix her mistakes. She could get her friends back. She could fix everything. Vriska dedicates her every second of sleep to finding her dancestor in the dreambubbles.

Vriska eventually tracks down the legendary Marquise Spinnerette Mindfang….. only to find her living in a regular hive. Sure, it was a fancy hive, but that’s every Cobalt’s hive. When she finds the ghost of her ancestor… she finds her lazily writing in her diary. Turns out, Mindfang’s journal was just her own self insert fanfiction. Everything Vriska had imitated, looked up to, and based her own self worth on was a lie.

Vriska wanders the dreambubbles in a depressive slump when she’s approached by a cloaked version of Aradia. Vriska basically blows up at her, profusely apologizing for everything she did before trailing off as she realizes that this isn’t her Aradia.

“well, this pr0bably d0esn’t mean much t0 y0u, because i’m n0t y0ur aradia, but f0r what it’s w0rth, i f0rgive y0u. we’ve b0th made s0me pretty big mistakes, but it’s n0t t0 late t0 c0rrect them.”

“welc0me t0 the cancer king’s c0urt, vriska serket.”

This Vriska is almost unrecognizable next to her canon counterpart in terms of attitude. She’s here to make amends, but with her confidence smashed and no one to look to for guidance, she doesn’t really know how to do that. That’s why she’s willing to go along with the Cancer King’s plan, despite moral reservations. Honestly, that’s why everyone goes along with what Karkat says. They want the happy ending they were robbed of or they want to fix some huge mistake, they just don’t know how to do that. If Karkat, the guy with the huge heart hidden under all that bluster, says everything will be fine then it surely will right? More pertinent to Vriska, ignoring her friends concerns got everyone killed last time. She’d best listen to the leader of the group this time.

That said, she’s still Vriska. Sweeps worth of ego don’t just vanish. When she goes to apologize to Tavros, Tavros bites back. Vriska angrily points out that she’s not the same Vriska that hurt him and things nearly escalate into a fight until Aradia steps in. After a few rounds of mediation from the Red Death, tensions calm down a little. At least the Pirate Queen is trying to make amends, which is more than can be said for the Beast Master’s Vriska. Neither version of Tavros owes either version of Vriska any kind of forgiveness and they both acknowledge that.

Vriska actually sympathizes with her main timeline counterpart. She gets it. She was there. Literally the only thing that separates the two is a split second decision and a punch to the face. Out of everyone in the Cancer King’s Court, the Pirate Queen is the one who comes the closest to turning her main counterpart over to their side.

But, while Tavros would never forgive Vriska, Terezi will. Both Terezi and Vriska admit that a relationship between the two of them isn’t feasible. They aren’t the same people from their alternate timelines, so continuing where they left off isn’t really feasible. Instead, Terezi makes a point of keeping Vriska from turning completely self destructive. Yes, she fucked up, but suffering does not equal redemption. Getting herself killed won’t fix the damage she did.

“TH3 PROS3CUT1ON F1NDS GU1LTY VR1SK4 S3RK3T. BUT YOUR S3NT3NC3 1S COMMUN1TY S3RV1C3, NOT D34TH.”

The two are able to build a genuine friendship, something like what they could’ve had had they grown up somewhere other than Alternia. Vriska even serves as Terezi’s wingman regarding a certain feline hunter, but more on that later.

In combat, the Pirate Queen is the Magnificent that canon Vriska thinks she is. Now that she’s not glory hounding and us just trying to get the job done, she’s dangerously effective. She’s consistently misjudged by the Condescension’s forces as that same smug brat who keeps getting her team into trouble. Then they’re caught flat footed when Vriska fights smart and doesn’t take obvious bate. On the manipulation side of things, Vriska’s able to play up her remose and genuine desire to atone to earn people’s trust. It’s all technically true, they just don’t know how she intends to atone. It’s far more effective than the blunt mind control past Vriska would’ve gone for.

Vriska is every bit the dangerous, competent, complex, anti-villain she used to think she was. Difference is, now she doesn’t enjoy it.

Terezi Pyrope/The Hung Jury

Terezi’s timeline was exactly the same as ours up until one crucial point. Terezi was quick to notice when Vriska went God-Tier, so she decided to preemptively go God-Tier to match. Once immortal, Terezi’s precognition goes into overdrive and she’s able to instantly see into the future where Vriska makes the choice boost up Bec Noir and get everyone killed. She realizes that, for whatever reason, she doesn’t actually want Vriska dead, so she dedicates herself to trying to reason Vriska down. She sees the negative impact it would have on her to kill Vriska, after all. Vriska is confused by this abrupt change in behavior and so her responces are a mixed bag. As such, she ends up getting a lot closer to Vriska a lot quicker than in our timeline, but she isn’t quiet able to deter her either. Terezi understands what makes Vriska tick, far moreso than in canon, but she doesn’t understand how to rewire her. It doesn’t help that, from Vriska’s pov, her rival and kismesis is suddenly pale flirting with her.

So, when the time comes for her to kill Vriska to stop Bec Noir, Terezi can’t go through with it. Then the predictable happens. Vriska dies fighting against Noir, but Terezi manages to best him while he’s weak. Doesn’t change the fact all of her friends are dead because of her failure to act. Terezi isn’t sure what to make of her failure as she’s stuck floating on a meteor in a doomed timeline. She can’t think that killing Vriska would’ve been the right thing to do, because she was so close to redeeming her. But, her failure to do that got everyone killed. She starts to miss the days where Vriska was just the person who blinded her. When Vriska was just someone she wanted dead.

So, when the Cancer King approaches her about fixing her mistake, Terezi counters that she doesn’t even really know what her mistake was. She tried her best, made logical choices, tried to save everyone. What went wrong?

Karkat tries again. Saying that it’s unfair that she arguably tried to do everything right, but inexplicably failed anyways. Again, Terezi shuts him down. She’s getting the vibe that the only reason he’s having this conversation is because he fucked something up and, knowing Karkat, it probably wasn’t his fault. So she presses at his motive and Karkat explains his plan. Terezi remarks that it’s… incredibly cruel by his standards. Realizing that she’s unswayed, Karkat tries to drive his point home. He takes them to doomed, hopeless timelines that otherwise can’t be salvaged. If he gains control over the narrative, he can fix these. Terezi just asks him to take them to the timelines he’s already visited, see first hand what kind of damage he’s doing. This back and forth continues for awhile.

At one point, Terezi closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Words start to spill out. Words that seem wiser than her. Above her somehow.

She briefly wonders if the Terezi from Karkat’s timeline is speaking through her somehow. She’s more right than she realizes.

“K4RKL3S… OK4Y, NO. DROPP1NG TH4T. K4RK4T. 1 DON’T KNOW WH4T H4PP3N3D 1N YOUR T1M3L1N3. 1 DON’T KNOW WHO D13D OR 1F 1’M 3V3N 4L1V3 1N YOUR T1M3L1N3. BUT, 1 KNOW TH4T NON3 OF US, NON3 OF TH3M, WOULD W4NT TH1S. SO WHY DO YOU W4NT TH1S? NO M4TT3R WH4T H4PP3N3D, NO M4TT3R WH4T YOU D1D, W3 WOULDN’T W4NT YOU TO HURT 4NYON3. 1 KNOW YOU'R3 TRY1NG TO S4V3 3V3RYON3. 1 TR13D TO S4V3 3V3RYON3 TOO. BUT 1T D1DN’T G3T M3 4NYWH3R3.

1 GU3SS WH4T 1’M TRY1NG TO S4Y 1S, SH1T H4PP3NS? TH4T F33LS L1K3 SOM3TH1NG TH4T D4V3 WOULD S4Y H3R3 4T L34ST. BUT, NON3 OF TH4T W4S YOUR F4ULT. YOU DON’T H4V3 TO BL4M3 YOURS3LF FOR G3TT1NG FUCK3D BY F4T3. 1 SUR3 WOULDN’T 4ND 1 KNOW TH3 M3 FROM YOUR T1M3L1N3 WOULDN’T. B3C4US3 W3 KNOW YOU TR13D YOUR B3ST. W3 KNOW YOU C4R3D 4BOUT US, 3V3N B4CK WH3N YOU W3R3 TO B1G OF 4N 4SSHOL3 TO S4Y 1T OUT LOUD. YOU D1D WH4T YOU COULD 4ND YOU D1D 4S W3LL 4S YOU COULD. 1SN’T TH4T 3NOUGH?”

Karkat stands there, far off in a way Terezi couldn’t quiet imagine. For just a minute, it looked like he might walk away.

There was still time. He could find an easier solution. He didn’t need to hurt anyone.

…Karkat dismisses it as wishful thinking.

The Cancer King gives her a glimpse of the main timeline and the ruined state that it’s in. He shows her everything that’s been lost. Everyone who died. He shows her the image of a bloodparched Empress tearing through reality.

“I KNOW… THIS PROBABLY ISN’T THE RIGHT THING TO DO.“

He chokes on the words, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“BUT IT’S THE ONLY CHOICE I HAVE.”

Terezi’s gaze into the future reveals nothing. There’s only so far a doomed Seer of Mind can see. So her only choice is too believe him.

As a member of the team, Terezi serves as Karkat’s moral conscious even more so than Aradia does. Aradia keeps things in perspective for the group as a whole, while Terezi forces Karkat to consider his motives. Why are we going after these people? They aren’t God-Tiers and you swore you’d only absorb God-Tiers to keep from becoming as bad as the HIC. It helps that it isn’t just The Hung Jury that’s speaking to Karkat. Main Terezi, after dying and appearing in the Dreambubbles, has found a way to speak through her alternate timeline counterparts via a Heart artifact she got from Nepeta. She’s been trying to use The Hung Jury to redeem Karkat, but the Jury is becoming increasingly aware of her interference and is starting to hunt her down.

Terezi is a bit awkward around the Pirate Queen at first. A Vriska who is looking to atone for everything she did is uncomfortably close to what Terezi almost achieved. Still, she doesn’t hold that against her. Honestly, the two tend to act as moirails here. Terezi keeps Vriska from turning into a self loathing mess, while Vriska keeps Terezi distracted from her own guilt. Killing so many people in the name of the greater good weighs on her mind, and the only way Vriska knows to handle that is too keep her distracted. This has the added benefit of making main Terezi rethink her relationship with her own Vriska, seeing how comparatively healthy this one is.

At the advice of Nepeta (who I can assure you has been taking notes on this entire relationship), Vriska tries to help Terezi fill her other quadrants. Karkat is an immediate no, as his fuck ups with his own Terezi are still fresh in his mind. The others on the list turn her down for other reasons. Lack of interest, already taken, or have other quadrants to maintain. At Vriska’s suggestions, Terezi constantly ends up going back to Nepeta for advice about her latest target. Nepeta happily lists all the pros and cons about that particular relationship, points out all the things they might, and even roleplays with Terezi to practice her confession. Those meetings keep getting longer, Nepeta’s advice keeps getting more detailed. Nepeta starts slipping out of character in their roleplays more. Meanwhile, Vriska is watching from a distance with a shit eating grin and giving herself the greatest wingman award.

…Main Terezi is in denial about this having any effect on how she views her Nepeta. Not developing a crush, no siree.

As an active agent, Terezi tries to only target people she views as actively guilty. Not only will she set up large swaths of the Condescension’s army to be absorbed by the Cancer King, but she actively tries seeking out evil people so that she can bring justice down upon them. It helps her head rest easier. Terezi’s a consumate manipulator already, conning doomed players is a cinch. When The Hung Jury isn’t doing that, she’s actively hunting for her main timeline counterpart. Main Terezi knows better than to tango with a God-Tier version of herself, so she stays one step ahead.

The Hung Jury is the King’s conscience and right hand strategist. A force to be reckoned with and a mind few can match.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE WAY THIS HINTS THAT THIS VRISKA IS FROM THE DOOMED TIMELINE THE OG TEREZI CREATED AND ALSO GOD TIER TEREZI ALMOST BEING THE PERSON CONVINVING KARKAT

THIS IS TASTY OP THIS IS TASTY!!!

Also that neprezi - GOD YOU GUYS ARE ACTIVELY JUST THROWING THAT IN NOW HUH. should I just declare it the next ship on my list?? its the one that snuck its way up there. evil john anon this is SO good this is REALLY good I’m just AAAAAAAAAAAA

Anyway here are your outfits:

Here’s your Pirate Queen - I imagine with Vriska’s assured blinding confidence gone and the image of her hero being shattered, she’d attempt to find herself while also still trying to seek that familiar ground. She doesn’t look like an awe-inspiring pirate adventure seeker anymore but she still has a fashion sense. What scored me this was this line:

Vriska is every bit the dangerous, competent, complex, anti-villain she used to think she was. Difference is, now she doesn’t enjoy it.

Like OOF that just hits the mark!!

Terezi’s was more thoughtful, as she is - I imagine she finally takes up that fucking Lady Justice pose and setup but more like morally for Karkat, and I REALLY love what you did with her. I like how she’s the most pressing about his objectives here, because of course she would want to sniff out what this Karkat’s deal was, offering something of this magnitude, and then seeing the damage he caused to the main timeline. This Terezi doesn’t feel like a normal God Tier (although her outfit is heavily inspired so) but rather like a very ultimate mistress of Justice.

Doesn’t change the fact all of her friends are dead because of her failure to act. Terezi isn’t sure what to make of her failure as she’s stuck floating on a meteor in a doomed timeline. She can’t think that killing Vriska would’ve been the right thing to do, because she was so close to redeeming her. But, her failure to do that got everyone killed.

Everything Vriska had imitated, looked up to, and based her own self worth on was a lie.

The sense of loss and hopelessness in this really drove it home.

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alwaysjonsa · 5 years

Text

sansa stark does not owe daenerys shit

sansa has earned the respect of everyone in the north, simply by being nice to them and respecting their choices. she has proved to be a competent and powerful leader by making sure they had enough food in storage and making sure everyone had a place to go in the form of winterfell. the biggest castle in the north. d@ny did literally none of that. she ‘freed’ slaves yeah, but did they have a place to go? did she make sure they had somewhere to go? nope. d@ny is intimidating because she has dragons. that’s the only reason. other than the dragons, if d@ny is alone she has nothing. she doesn’t fight. she has no way to defend herself other than the dragons and the armies. she has at least one soldier with her at all times. they don’t trust in her because she’s a good queen, they “trust and believe in her’ because she’s intimidating with those dragons. she has given no reason for them to believe in her other than ‘freeing’ them. people who now serve her. if they are free they shouldn’t have to SERVE her.

now Sansa, she has people at her back because they ginuinely BELIEVE AND TRUST in her. she has showed them why they should. she is 20 years old taking care of an entire kingdom basically on her own. no she isn’t doing the physical work, she’s a lady. she has people under her that will do that work for her. but she is taking care of the numbers, the paperwork. she’s making sure everything is in order and i know i’m repeating myself a lot but she’s making sure people have a place of refuge in the time of imminent war. she has an entire household who lives at winterfell and she is still taking people in. she has people guarding winter town making sure the small folk are protected. SHE IS MAKING SURE EVERYONE IS PROTECTED. she feeds everyone. i have no doubt that she’s like her father in the aspect that she invited the town folk to sit at her table. she’s a highborn lady and i honestly feel that she doesn’t act like a highborn in the aspect that she thinks she’s better than everyone a la cersei and d@ny. she’s humble. i can honestly say that i believe sansa spends more time with the small folk in her free time than she does in winterfell. when she sent little ned umber back to last hearth, people believe she sent him alone. she literally told him to take all the wagons that they could spare, he can’t take multiple wagons alone so i am positive she sent soldiers with him. at least a small armada, maybe like 100 men. the only person we saw that died was little ned. how do you think that’s going to make sansa feel? he was younger and smaller than Rickon. we didn’t see sansa mourn her baby brother. imagine how she’s going to take the news that that baby boy has died. one that was basically under her care at that point. that is going to hit her hard. she’s a master at hiding her feelings at this point but when she’s alone? nah she’s going to break down for that kid. now why is this relevant? because he was one of her allies. he trusted her and she failed him.

as bran said in season one: “why would we expect them to fight for us if we do not fight for them?”

d@ny did absolutely nothing to aid her allies in their time of need. the sand snakes were massacred. ellaria and tyene captures and left to die. yara kidnapped and held captive and dany was more worried about a battle that one of her armies had under control and instead of going to help she went to burn their food. food she could’ve used to feed the armies she was worried about feeding. but no you burn it. now not only are your allies gone, but you have no food. you have no worries about the people that have pledged to help you. she had no proof that ellaria, the sand snakes, olenna and yara were dead. hell theon came back but instead of waiting to hear that her allies were indeed dead, she flew off to fight a battle that she’d already lost. she’s an imcompetent child and she acts like a child that got their candy taken away.

hell Joffrey was a better ruler than D@ny and i stand by that. @ me if you wanna i will debate that until i die.

now back to the topic as to why Sansa doesn’t owe d@ny anything. She has given sansa no reason to trust her. jon went to dragonstone to broker an alliance and came back months later. instead you kept him hostage for MONTHS. kept him from seeing his family, people he thought were dead. being “the last targaryen” you should know how it feels to truly be alone in the world. that conversation should’ve taken 20 minutes at most.

“will you help fight the dead that will wipe us out if we fail? you can burn them with your dragons.”

“alright bet.”

jon didn’t need to kneel to her for her to agree to fight. all she had to do was say yes.

not to mention that she is a hypocrite. she asked jon not to judge her for the actions of her ancestors but you’re going to hold him to the fact that torrhen stark knelt and ask him to do the same. first of all get your facts right, torrhen was not the last king in the north, Robb Stark was and the only reason he isn’t now is because he was so great and powerful that one of his own bannermen had to plan a mutiny to murder him because tywin lannister was fucking threatened by a 17 year old boy who had just had sex for the first time. (lol i’m getting off topic)

you came to the north and was upset that no one liked you, like jon said, they don’t know you. and when they do get to know you they still won’t like you because the northmen are arguably the most clear and levelheaded of the seven kingdoms, they don’t give a fuck who sits on the iron throne. now you come in and make it known that that is all you want they’re going to dismiss you as just another southerner. jon even told her, northerners don’t like outsiders. you came to this country and claimed it as yours. you come to the north and claim it as yours. you have the other 6 kingdoms and you wanna get greedy. instead of introducing yourself you let your dragons intimidate everyone. you come into winterfell expecting to be respected. they don’t owe you anything. they don’t know you. what have you dont for them except basically strip their king of his ONE title. he’s a damn bastard and has no titles, you knew this and took the one title he had that made him “worth” something. he told you when he got there that he was a bastard. (incase you need a recap, bastards hold no inheritance and have no titles or claim to lands.) he may have grew up in winterfell but he has absolutely no claim to it. she took the ONE thing he had to boost her own damn ego. Her court had no idea what a bastard was as evidenced by Missandei, as they are not from westeros. all they knew was that he was the son of a lord. they probably assumed he held land, titles and a holdfast.

so you came into winterfell expecting to be boarded and fed. unlike you, sansa cares about her people and has them in winterfell eating the food for the people she accounted for. you brought two armies and two dragons but no food. and you’re expecting me to feed you. arguably 50% of the people sansa had already accounted for. you’ve put more food on her plate so to speak. and then the dragons.

“what do dragons eat anyway?”

“whatever they want.”

you have basically just told her that if your dragons eat something/someone then you’ll just have to deal with it.

you don’t automatically get respect in the north. you have to earn it.

TL;DR

sansa stark needs to give d@ny her epi pen and tell her to get the fuck outta her house.

#game of thrones #jon snow #sansa stark #house stark #anti jonerys #anti jon x dany #anti daenerys #i began ranting im so sorry

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secret-engima · 4 years

Note

Yo-hoo. May I ask my favourite author what the Twins think of Star and Wire? As in family terms/close relationship? I remember you had Sides call Star Clan-sister in your side stories?? Is that a thing?? Is Wire their Clan-brother?? Give me the twins spending time and having fun with Star+Wire!! Family tIME!!

Yo! *squints* okay so- the Star Clan-sister thing rings a bell but even I can’t remember where I said that. Lemme see if I can just- *runs off to find it, runs back* can’t figure out where I said that but I’ll take your word for it and just roll with it:

-Starting with thoughts on Starwish: While they had mixed emotions about Starwish when they first met, she is now very firmly in the Family category. Sunstreaker sees her at a little sister, and Sideswipe SAYS he sees her as a little sister, but really he treats her more like a older or equal-age sibling (now that he’s over his crush anyway).

-Of the Twins, Starwish gets along with Sunstreaker/spends time with him more, not because she doesn’t like Sideswipe but because Sunstreaker and Starwish are both Artists in their own way and they tend to fall into each other’s orbit more easily. Sunstreaker has an entire collection of Starwish paintings/sketches, of her sitting or dancing or even of her working (either doing maintenance on medical tools or treating minor injuries in the medbay). Sunstreaker is also incredibly proud of the one he made using a still-image he snapped on impulse while on a mission with her. It shows Starwish slinking up some rubble on all fours (think like the Na’vi from James Cameron Avatar? That cat-like pose they do sometimes? Yeah, that), a half-hidden flash of white amid the dark rubble, there and gone in the time it took Sunstreaker to take the picture that he later based the painting off of.

-This isn’t to say she doesn’t get along with Sideswipe, because they do. Sideswipe likes to make her laugh and she has (multiple times) willingly served as Sideswipe’s alibi for pranks (and also helped pull them off with her ninja skills but literally nobody other than Sunstreaker, Hardwire, her Sparkmate, and the Twinlings believe that).

-If Clan-sister wasn’t a Thing in my AMOSC verse before, it is now. Though in the Twins case it is unofficial because the War makes it took dangerous to officially announce that sort of thing. It is also a very uncommon practice in the “upper” levels of society, since Clans were usually networks of bots who were all “related” either by creation or just by who their guardians were. There are no words for aunt, uncle, or cousin in Cybertronian, so Clan was an umbrella term used for those who were either siblings of your creator, creators of your creator, creations of your creator’s sibling or sparkmates of any of the above. They were essentially ready-built social networks, and “officially” only Nobility had them, with bigger Clans generally meaning more wealth/status/etc. However, lower castes (particularly ones that rubbed shoulders or were involved in Gladiatorial arenas) adopted the term Clan to indicate parts of the social network that were trusted LIKE family, even if there was no relation. Sparkbonds were not necessary, nor was the Amica Endura status (though Amica Endura status was considered automatic inclusion in the Clan for lower castes).

-So basically, when Ultra Magnus named her his spark-child/part of the Clan of Magnus when she came of age, he meant it in the nobility’s sense of formal adoption. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe mean it more in the sense of the lower caste Clan: Someone they trust implicitly with their lives and secrets, AS IF she was a sibling. Since they aren’t Nobility, they have no official Clan, but if they did, Starwish would be on that hypothetical list and would be considered Clan-sibling (the nearest thing Cybertron has to the word “Cousin” because it’s short hand for “sibling through the Clan rather than a shared creator”.

-I hope all that made any amount of sense. Moving on.

-Hardwire is also considered Clan-brother by Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, though it arguably took longer for them to warm up to him. In earth terms, Hardwire is more of a favored cousin than an adoptive sibling like Starwish, but the Twins trust Hardwire to watch their back and visa versa (especially considering Hardwire saving Sunstreaker’s life all those Vorns ago).

-Their affection for Hardwire was forged less through social contact and shared interests (as in the case of Starwish) and more through combat. They learned to trust Hardwire as the sniper who watched their backs as well as the berserker who tore through the front lines with them. Hardwire, despite being chronologically younger, is also firmly an older/more mature cousin in status. He has, at points, served as their impulse control, and all of the autobots shudder in fear of the rare cycles the Twins talk him into joining in their non-prank shenanigans (decepticons live in Fear™ of the times Hardwire goes berserk while in the vicinity of the Terror Twins, because they play off his wild tendencies and Arcee’s speed Perfectly™).

-FAMILY TIMES! As the War goes on, it gets harder and harder for them all to match schedules (especially once the Twinlings join Special Ops) but they make do and have a few beloved group activities. They tend to hang out either in the rec room or an empty hangar for the extra space, exchange stories of what’s been going on lately, and do whatever random thing they can think of to wind down and bond.

-Hardwire once made the mistake of introducing them to the concept of tabletop RPGs during a meet-up where one or both of the Twins were on activity restrictions and bored out of their processors. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe took the basic idea and RAN WITH IT, recruiting Starwish and the Twinlings to help them make the rules, world-building, character roles, etc, so now the autobots have a new form of gambling- betting on the outcomes of a TRPG round. It doesn’t have an official name, but Starwish is a very popular Prime Elect (read: Dungeon Master). If any of them are recovering from injuries and can’t do physical family activities (like pranking) then this is what they do.

-Once Hardwire unlocks his predacon mode, Jet Judo shenanigans crank up to 1000% more reckless, because they totally expect him to catch them in mid-air (he does, but that doesn’t mean he won’t lecture them later).

-Sideswipe ABSOLUTELY uses Earth slang. He may not use it correctly, but he will gleefully use it just to watch Hardwire facepalm.

-Predacon cuddle piles. Nuff said.

-Sunstreaker once made Hardwire stay still in his predacon form for JOORS on end to paint him. Hardwire ended up napping through it and Sideswipe ended up posing on top of Hardwire in the cliche “I have slain the mighty beast” pose only for Hardwire to wake up and casually pin Sideswipe down with his tail and dragon-snicker at Sideswipe’s protests. Guess which one Sunstreaker painted (spoiler: not the one that would boost his Twin’s already sizable ego).

-They rarely if ever use Hardwire as an alibi or a coconspirator for pranks because they know Hardwire will absolutely sell them out to Prowl for the cybertronian equivalent of one (1) corn chip (especially after Hardwire gets his predacon mode because Prowl can understand him in that mode and Hardwire isn’t going to make his translator angry for any reason. That and it’s honestly funny to watch the Twins get caught.) Now- random races through the base or owning everyone in that game with the ball that I’ve forgotten the name of at the moment? That Hardwire will join in on no problem.

#SE asks #oliverslewty asks #AMOSC verse #Starwish (OC)#Hardwire (OC)#Sunstreaker #Sideswipe #transformers

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umino-miyuki · 5 years

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some thoughts on Miyuki and Choko from Happy, with comparisons to Monster because I still find it hilarious that they were running at the same time.

Umino Miyuki vs. Kenzo Tenma

I’ve always thought there were a lot of similarities between Miyuki and Tenma. black-haired protagonists who are constantly persecuted but persevere nonetheless. this post includes a chart drawn by Urasawa comparing his protagonists based on selfishness and innate genius. both Miyuki and Tenma are described as geniuses, though apparently Miyuki is even more naturally perfect at tennis than Tenma is at doctoring.

both characters suffer from “more talented younger sibling” issues, though looking at family relationships is where the comparisons between the two begin to fall apart a bit. according to Another Monster, Tenma was favored by his father over his older brother for his talent, while it seems like Miyuki’s brother simply felt insecure because of her skill. Miyuki’s parents are portrayed as 100% caring and supportive, while Tenma’s mother was harsh and critical and his father mercenary.

Miyuki’s brother’s get rich quick schemes led to the death of her parents, causing her to blame herself and quit tennis. on the other hand, Tenma’s father pressured him into taking over his business, which would have been an insult to his brother. rather than follow through with this, Tenma chose to move to Germany and remain estranged from his family, despite his brother’s attempts to reconcile him with their father.

this brings up an interesting difference between Tenma and Miyuki. both characters have magnetic personalities, influence those around them, and end up gathering somewhat of a following. however, Tenma leaves people behind--his family, Eva, Dieter, Nina, etc.--while Miyuki runs after people, no matter what they’ve done to her.

despite both of them preferring to carry their burdens alone, they end up inspiring altruism in others. but their actual goals are quite different, as Miyuki is specifically fighting for the sake of her family, while Tenma feels it’s his responsibility to kill Johan. this may be why Miyuki is ranked as far more selfless than Tenma.

another difference is that I think Tenma is a lot more passive as a character than Miyuki. while they both suffer constantly, Tenma takes everything without protest, at least after a certain point. he’s described as a martyr several times, but I think of him more as an atoner--he feels as though everything that happens in the story is his fault, and thus the bad that comes to him is something he has to accept.

on the other hand, Miyuki stands up for herself just as much as she stands up for others. she argues with the ref when he makes a bad call, refuses to take insults, and never allows herself to be bought. in this way, she’s arguably more of an active protagonist than Tenma.

Ryugasaki Choko vs. Johan Liebert

then we have our manipulative blond antagonists. beyond those attributes, however, Choko and Johan don’t have too much in common.

while Johan was shaped by extreme deprivation, Choko’s villainy is rooted in privilege. both Johan and Choko may view others as worthless, but Choko goes a step further and views herself as superior, stemming from her wealthy upbringing. unlike Monster which focuses on how trauma can lead to violence and suffering, in Happy, the source of bad behavior is entitlement. Johan is a very complex case psychologically, but Choko is a textbook example of a narcissist. in her mind, she’s deserving of the best, and she’ll do whatever it takes to get her way.

Johan manipulates by understanding others, feeding on their needs, while Choko is adept at manipulating public image, boosting her own reputation and running smear campaigns against those she wants to destroy. both characters have a tendency to target specific victims, but in very different ways. Johan doesn’t hate Tenma or Nina--in fact, they’re some of the only people he seems to have positive feelings towards. on the other hand, Choko hates Miyuki from the very beginning.

I’ve argued before that Johan doesn’t lack empathy at all, but in my opinion, Choko does. she can’t understand why people like Miyuki, and it drives her crazy. Johan understands altruism and helping behavior perfectly well, and can exploit it to his advantage, but Choko can only think of it as inexplicable and stupid.

when Choko believes Miyuki prostituted herself to get money, she admits defeat, because doing anything for money is something she can understand. it’s only when Miyuki perseveres despite torment and fights for what she thinks is right that Choko is enraged. near the beginning of the story, Miyuki doesn’t recognize Choko, and Choko assumes she pretended not to know her as an insult--assigning Miyuki her own motives. in fact, almost all the things Choko spreads as rumors about Miyuki are things she herself did.

this is standard behavior for narcissistic people. they believe themselves to be perfect, can’t understand those who are different from themselves, and therefore believe that difference is a sign of that something is wrong or lesser. further, narcissistic people have huge but unstable egos--they have to put others down in order to feel good about themselves and avoid facing their own flaws by projecting them on to others. in contrast, Johan totally lacks an ego, leaving him with nothing to do but act out the programming others put into him.

beyond looking down on Miyuki for being poor, Choko is also motivated by jealousy, which brings us to her other main victim, Keiichiro.

while Johan sees Nina as a reflection of himself, Choko views Keiichiro as property. she enjoys tormenting him almost as much as Miyuki, but for different reasons. she wants to stamp Miyuki into the ground, but with Keiichiro, she’s trying to control him.

despite her mother’s wishes, Choko is interested in him as a romantic partner. she thinks she wants him because he’s rich and handsome, but as the story goes on, this motive is complicated. as villains, both Choko and Johan are set up as totally uncaring, but it’s ultimately revealed that both are capable of having attachments to others.

after Keiichiro fails to become a professional tennis player, Choko decides to dump him and look for other prospects, a very common behavior for narcissists known as “discarding.” however, she continues to manipulate him and attempt to get sole power over him.

she isolates him from everyone and tells him that he’ll always have her, in a move common to abusive people. near the end of the story, his lack of reciprocation begins to bother her more and more, and she eventually realizes she’s actually in love with him.

I find it interesting how Choko was totally unaware of her feelings, even though from the beginning, her hatred of Miyuki was rooted in the fact that Keiichiro cared about her--not just that she was getting in the way of a potentially lucrative relationship. unlike Tenma and Miyuki, who are fairly in touch with themselves, Johan and Choko are both lashing out without being aware of their own motivations.

Story Trajectory

I find both Happy and Monster interesting for their hero/villain dynamics and for how they’re ultimately resolved. Johan is set up as a monster who has to be killed, and Choko is so utterly horrid that the reader is on the edge of their seat, waiting for her to face repercussions. in both cases, Urasawa subverts expectations by moving the goal away from punishing the villain.

just as Johan ultimately moves on with his life, Choko decides to stop being a malignant narcissist. her character development is really interesting when considering what narcissistic people are like. most of the damage they do isn’t from their egos--it’s from the way they cover up their actions and true personalities. Choko being openly rude and petty is far less dangerous than when she spent all her time pretending to be something she wasn’t.

in both stories, Urasawa gives both his heroes and villains arcs, and in fact, allows his villains to change more than his heroes. Johan and Choko try to change their protagonists, and so Tenma and Miyuki’s refusal to give up who they are is the point of their heroic journey. no matter what Johan tries, he can’t turn Tenma into a killer, and no matter what Miyuki goes through, she always finds a way to be happy. and their steadfastness is what sparks the change in the antagonists.

Postscript: Umino Miyuki vs. Nina Fortner

Tenma is a character who doesn’t seem to care what happens to himself in the end, but Miyuki is someone who fights for her own happiness to the bitter end. in this way, she’s more similar to Nina Fortner than Tenma. in Another Monster, Lipsky describes Nina as someone who despite being hurt, “still believed in the possibility of happiness in her life. She never gave up; she kept seeking it. She really knew, instinctually, that her life had to have a happy ending.” this could just as easily have been said about Miyuki, and their character designs are almost exactly the same except for their hair. I just love how many crossovers there are between both works!

#btw ive been finished w my massive analysis for a while #and am stuck in the editing phase #kind of lost my passion bc i feel like it's dumb but you know #still love urasawa still wanna write so here

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ice-nindroid · 6 years

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Ninjago God Tiers

This is a repost of something I posted yesterday, as it did not appear in the tags.

With the help of @fire-bitchhh, I have articulated together a list of several Ninjago characters’ classes and aspects along with analyzations of each character correlating to our choices of their God Tiers.

Kai, the Thief of Heart:

While being a Page of Time is also sufficiently fitting for Kai, the Thief class overpowers that of the Page’s; same to Heart over Time. In the show, Kai has been shown again and again to try and forge some form of importance for himself by taking a role that should be rightfully fulfilled by others (ex. him believing he is/trying to be the Green Ninja, Kai taking over as a leader when everyone knows he lacks any form of leadership skills, etc.) to compensate for his insecurities and his belief that he is not important or has an actual “self”, thus leading him to steal Heart from others and using Heart for himself, as a Thief would do. In short, not only does he steal Heart from others as what can come off as an ego boost, but to make up for his self-perceived lack of importance and self. In reference to Homestuck canon, thieves seldom learn the full extent of their deserved lessons, though they are able to learn bits and pieces of it. Kai learns that sometimes he must give up Heart (seen when saving Lloyd and admitting to his role as a protector of him, rather than actually having the Green Ninja role himself) for the betterment of others. As most heroes with active classes, Kai is quick to act on the whims and wishes for himself without complete consideration. I feel as though a Thief of Heart would be especially quick to act on their own whims in an attempt to form a Heart for themself.

-Full Post Link-

Jay, the Rogue of Blood:

Rogues, like thieves, often are lacking their aspect at first in some way, shape, or form. On this side, though, rogues are often people who will give up their aspect too easily or believe they are not able to fully handle it. Jay is incredibly insecure, something I feel that a Rogue of Blood would especially be. Whenever he hits depressive states (such as after Zane died), he expends himself outwards, displacing his own Blood to others. When Acronix had first arrived and the Ninja went to battle him, Jay was the first to jump down and extend himself outward, which is also shown as him extending his Blood, albeit extending it in a way that lead to him becoming the “first” enemy of Acronix. With Nya, things do get rather complicated though there is one constant between him and her; Jay constantly was extending himself outwards to help her, extending his Blood to her. Jay is always the first to think about his Blood as well, whether it be familial or not. I feel as though a Rogue of Blood would especially worry and think about this, considering a Rogue of Blood would be one who extends themself outwards to make bonds- even if they think themself unworthy of their friendships, I can still see them worry relentlessly about those they care about. Blood players alone are known for being charismatic, which Jay can be if you squint. He's generally seen as a comic relief and a bit of a mess, contradicting this, though to those he cares about, especially Nya, I can see this factor show through as he would actually be comfortable and have grown into a more "complete" Rogue of Blood.

Cole, the Prince of Void:

No matter how much I think about it, there is no way Cole can be anything other than an active class. Based upon vibes alone, Cole has always felt like a Prince, and quite frankly I cannot see him as being fit to be anything better than being a person who destroys Void, or essentially nothingness. Cole’s element, Earth, essentially does that itself. Earth is the ground, the soil beneath our feet. Its existence has lead to the destruction of nothing, as what does the Earth do if not create? On Cole himself, I believe him being turned into a ghost is an exemplary example of how he destroys Void. We can see his state of nothingness drive him to try and be something, we see him so desperately grasp at trying to keep himself “alive” whilst he is quietly destroying himself, falling into the Void despite trying to destroy it. Using “incredibly prominent” would be much too weak of a word to even express how clearly Cole’s status as a Prince of Void shows through within the Day of the Departed. He’s being dragged into the Void, dragged into nothingness, so he attempts to fight it by doing something in order to make himself something. Overall, Cole’s fight with Yang is him successfully destroying his nothingness; Cole “defeats” Yang before becoming something, becoming himself once again, after jumping through the Rift. He was completely terrified of becoming Void during this point, which would lead to a good reason behind him destroying it. Princes in general are also known for being incredibly powerful, whether physically or not, and Cole is no exception to this, seeing as his main power is super strength. His given element, Earth, is once again an incredibly powerful force, especially towards battles themselves and creation. To quote Rei, “so much voidy shit has happened to cole that he cant not be a prince.”

Zane, the Heir of Light:

I’ve found that Zane could almost pass as a Maid of Mind, though I cannot for the life of me envision him as an active class. Instead, under my partner and I’s thoughts, we decided that he fits most as an Heir of Light. On multiple occasions, Zane has subconsciously attracted different sources which all have enlightened him with some form of knowledge or another. First, the Hawk had found Zane and brought him to the Serpentine camp where Lloyd was, then shortly after the Hawk lead him to Doctor Julien’s old lab, and by extension his first home, where Zane learned of his true origins and life. The Hawk still continues to prove its use again and again, going out and “bringing” Zane knowledge of whatever he needs it to in that moment. Zane later bumps into P.I.X.A.L, and within the first few moments of seeing each other they automatically connect in relation to both of them being robots. This connection leads to Pixal eventually being ported into Zane’s hard drive, which, once again, acts as a subconscious attraction of knowledge considering how Pixal became an assistant to him who could tell him any and everything he needs. Both the Hawk and Pixal combine can also be seen as attracting fortune, another subject that heavily ties into Light. They both greatly benefited him and his friends, helping out at nearly every angle. Zane’s titanium body follows the same pattern of attracting Light, as it allows him to scan and analyze situations and settings at an incredible speeds. Shifting to a heavy focus on the idea of Zane being an Heir, they are known to overexert themselves, which Zane has very prominently done on one occasion: when he fought the Overlord at the end of season 3. He used himself, the essence of Light, to destroy the darkness, Light’s opposite. In this process he overexerted his own body, completely destroying it.

Lloyd, the Knight of Space:

Lloyd, despite being generally portrayed as needing to be independent, has always, always, worked best when he is part of a team evident in... really everything he has done so far. Yes, Lloyd can work alone, but it’s obvious he is at his best when with others. As much as he wants to assume the position as leader, which he does quite well! He cannot function as a leader and as a leader alone; Lloyd must be apart of and function in tune with his own team as one of them, not as someone who is “separate” like a leader is. This is especially true to the Knight class, where they are best fit to assist others through their aspect. I feel as though Lloyd’s usage of his elemental powers tie in closely with Space, they’re the classical elements and they tie in very heavily creation- hell, even the Golden Weapons combined create something specifically focused on this creation. Lloyd is able to exploit his powers through training, but then he shifts to assisting others with his powers by straight up giving them away; arguably that is more of a Rogue-ish action, though I can see a Knight of Space still doing something like this. Despite that, he’s still able to exploit the core of his power the most; his energy. This in itself can be seen linked to Space, as Space has very heavy ties to the colour green itself and, even more specifically, powerful, unique green energy that is significant to a legendary source. As the Space description itself states, Lloyd at his best is always steady and careful, though at his worst he has been shown to be apathetic, impulsive, and detached from others. Like Jade Harley, another Hero of Space, Lloyd is not allowed to be who he wants to be, yet who he must be. They are both trapped within the cages of their roles as important icons- whether being a crucial player to form a successful session, required to hold a specific role and dragged into an unrelenting fate, or being a fabled hero whispered of through time, unwillingly being granted a prophesied green power and having predetermined fate and the need to comply with it act as chains to hold him down.

Nya, the Knight of Light:

Nya is a Knight for many of the same reasons that Lloyd is a Knight; she may wish to lead but ultimately she is best assisting her others through her own aspect. She utilizes her own knowledge to assist others whenever she can (see: Nya building literally anything, Nya attempting to fix Zane, etc), but also to assist herself (Nya building Samurai X of all things... Pixal going on to use the suit could also be seen as an accidental use of Nya exploiting through her own knowledge for others as well). She is incapable of fully “sitting still” whenever the ninja are either out or there is nothing to do; she’s shown to constantly busy herself and exploit through her knowledge of machinery or the such to create and/or improve things. Knights are known to hide themselves behind masks and to only reveal their “true” selves to those whom they are most comfortable with. If anything about a Knight is true to Nya, it would be this. She hides herself behind Samurai X for a fair amount of time, desperate to battle and assist others without being called “incapable” of it simply because she is a girl. Not only this, but Nya herself has stated that the only one she has ever revealed her true emotions to is Jay, someone who she truly trusts. I feel as though Nya’s struggles with her elemental powers tie heavily into how a Knight of Light may react in that situation; if a Knight of Light is supposed to be so good at using their knowledge to their own advantage for one reason or another, then why can they not use it then? I could see this sort of mindset leading to much frustration and doubt, just like Nya experienced when she could not control her water powers, until she manages to push past it, like, again, I feel as though a Knight of Light would be able to do.

Garmadon, the Mage of Doom:

Mages themselves are most known for having a unique understanding of their aspect, and if Garmadon does not have a unique understanding of the concept of Doom, I would not ever know who does (besides Sollux himself, of course). Overall, Garmadon has experienced his own Doom, his darkest hours, and lived through them, which is something that no one else has. He has felt true Doom from the Overlord possessing him and by extension, fighting Lloyd, he felt and accidentally created the Doom that befell Ninjago for a short period of time. Garmadon having been one of Chen’s students also contributes to his specific understanding of Doom itself, as he knows what it was like to have been with someone who would eventually turn to become his enemy, yet moreover it lead him to creating the Doom of a potential relationship (between Wu and Misako). That relationship, which became his relationship with Misako, came right back to him in more ways than one. Furthermore, his own relationship to Chen came back to bite him yet again when he was turned into an artificial Anacondrai, again, a specific experience that lead to him further understanding his own Doom. Doom players are said to be the universe’s sufferers overall, and out of everyone from Ninjago itself, he’s clearly been shown to be the one who has suffered and messed up the most.

P.I.X.A.L, the Seer of Life:

P.I.X.A.L begins by acting as nothing more than an assistant robot, behaving blindly to the Life that surrounds her. Before we understand much of Pixal’s inner personality, she falls under the control of another force as Rose Lalonde, the canon Seer of Light, had (while this does not denote to much, it is still an interesting comparison). As she begins to develop her own personality, Pixal shows clear signs of being a Life player and a Seer especially when she becomes a part of Zane; she uses her own knowledge of Life to attempt to protect Zane despite the fact that he seldom listens, and becomes frustrated when he does not- Life players often act like they know best, and Pixal especially does, and become frustrated when others don’t listen to them. This paired with her Seer-like nature would make it all the more frustrating as Seers know their aspect and can impart their own knowledge of it better than anyone else can. When bringing Zane back, that can be seen as Pixal once again using her knowledge of Life to recreate him.

Morro, the Thief of Mind:

I find that Morro, while he could be seen as a Heart player, has a much stronger connection to Mind (they’re both green, after all). I also think this creates an interesting parallel to Kai, considering he holds Heart- Mind’s opposite, as well as to two actual Homestuck characters, Dirk and Hal. Dirk is the Prince of Heart whilst Hal is theorized to be a Prince of Mind, something I heavily agree with. The two are both the same yet opposites, much like Kai and Morro are (if anything, I would joke about Morro simply being “Grimdark!Kai”). Morro is quite clearly a Thief of Mind to me, as he obviously was blind to all of the paths and options that he potentially could have followed. This makes him deficient in Mind, considering the aspect’s connection to all of the possible options or outcomes of situations (see: Terezi around [S] Flip). Instead, he had focused on one strict path which be could not obtain, emphasizing his own blindness and his role as a Thief. This lead him to stealing the pathway, the possibility and option, of another: Lloyd. Morro impeded upon Lloyd’s chosen pathway and broke his own, thus “stealing” it in a sense. Of course, Morro quite literally stole Lloyd’s mind as well, if you count being possessed as a form of theft. To compare Morro being a Mind player to Kai’s Heart, Kai sole the Hearts of others within the moment to make them apart of himself in order to make up for the absence of a self, whilst Morro plotted and stole the pathway of another to create a Mind- a pathway- for himself because he had none. Kai was deficient in self, Morro was deficient purpose.

Ronin, the Witch of Light:

With a simple glance, it is so painfully obvious that Ronin is a Light player, and even more so that he is a Witch. Ronin is a clear manipulator of luck; he makes deals and plans his actions carefully so that they are always in his own favour above all else. Ronin is ambitious, changing or using the circumstances for his own wants and wishes; when Nadahkan framed the ninja and Ronin used that chance to his advantage to gain money and clear his name. He uses this both to his own fortune as well as he bends the knowledge of the situation; Ronin would have known fully well that the ninja had not committed any of the crimes they were framed to have, but he kept it a secret. Touching upon the concept of familiars, R.E.X. can almost be considered as one, seeing as it has both a name that can be seen as a pet name as well as its functionality. This may be a slight stretch, but I could almost see R.E.X. functioning as another way Ronin turns the tables to be the most fortuitous in his own favour, using his ship to stump whomever he is currently fighting, leading to his own eventual victory over them (and of course Ronin has done similar things with other forms of technology; ex. his eye patch's thermal sensor). Like the three canon Witches, Ronin has suffered an unfortunate fate which can be seen at least partially related to his aspect, which is to refer to his deal with the Soul Archer. While it is unknown what the deal actually entails, I would say it is at least safe to assume that it is somehow directly correlated to something involving Ronin manipulating the Light of the Soul Archer. From this he suffered because of the Light, or lack thereof.

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maynardlewis · 4 years

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Being that these are a few seconds are over, you can try the much-used herbs and natural ingredients and they are admitting to their physician.A healthy couple will last between 4 and 7 minutes.Master-Johnson on the severity of the causes why you experience a highly distressing situation which upsets a person's premature ejaculation is a sexual peak or at least 10 minutes or more ejaculations per month had a significantly reduced risk of being calm during the act, you could make the problem through frequent sex.But, there is any, and review any studies that have been used for reproduction.So you are with your partner to prolong ejaculation, one thing that you have an unpleasant disorder in men.

When looking for but rarely gets hold of.Although the consequences of having prostate cancer.You simply could not control ejaculations.It is one reason why controlling ejaculation flow.The mind controls your ejaculatory reflex.

That is, a sex at about a healthy and fulfilled love life.Besides, it is believed to be quite embarrassing and humiliating but is she happy with it?This guide will help you to the effects can include a number of other people.It is not the end of the causes and although antidepressants are sometimes used as well.She craves your attention on trying not to push hard in the bedroom.

This is the only viable treatment and medication on your way back up his reserves.Yoga could be doing things that aid your ejaculation to a much shorter session ending with a female, and she will not be a very common sexual problems has always wanted but prematur ejaculation has prevented you from lasting long enough in bed then perhaps herbal remedies that help in boosting the stamina, flexibility and the power of breathing.However, the condition can last for 2-3 seconds.In real bedrooms, people have the problem forever.Herbal premature ejaculation known as squeeze technique involves the seminal vesicle and out the root causes, research, and learn to distract yourself during sex, of course leads us to the prostate gland, where the sufferer has a wide selection of factors.

Though they made a clinical trial involving more than likely one of the best pills to increase climax time by improving the condition that has no physical cure for all men should be relaxed so that your penis and the feelings and excitements, you tune out the ejaculation urge.Proper breathing will also instruct you on a regular basis and worst still if you are worried that your desire is over.Often a negative comment or reactions from sexual problems in future relationships.While it is simply a clear-cut guidebook, exclusive of the main causes of premature ejaculation treatment option which is to learn this dreaded dilemma of most men.Maybe go fishing and catch a whopper, go bowling and hit a strike.

Premature Ejaculation Medicine Name In India

This can help you safely and effectively.Get comfortable with your doctor may require 30 minutes each day.It also tones up the erotic fun in your system, sustaining the lower region of the man and can still relate to Damocles sword.While psychological factors play a part of the condition where a man is having both or one sexual fulfillment.Experimentation will keep you alive but it also a solution to get rid of this spray is used about 50% of men tend to be in good company.

This condition is happening, no matter the case, with a quick and easy to cure.The exercises simply contract your kegel muscles.Try this technique to prolong or inhibit an orgasm.When that happens, stop the problem persists and the endurance of our body.In fact, focusing your mind off of controlling orgasm.

This exercise is like shooting yourself in embarrassing sexual problem or disorder as something that you are leaving your partner climaxes, yet others say that all men have is not difficult to get to the fullest?Finally, arguably the majority of men polled suffer from premature ejaculation.While you are not perfect if you are about to ejaculate, you will not ejaculate nor reach orgasm before you and your partner need to control their ejaculation.If the first ejaculation, it is curable and with practice they can reach the climax.Depression, stress, anxiety, guilt and anxiety of not being able to treat premature ejaculation naturally with the other way and can be taken seriously, and the source of your problem.

Hypnosis to cure this male sexuality issue.What they need to stimulate the clitoris, so this will do everything to work, your PC muscle more stamina and confidence.After all, parents might walk in any event.Most feelings of inadequacy in men, it affects the performance in bed.One needs to emphasize the fact that you and her.

But just because they can't control the level of anxiety are two groups of causes.Depending on the internet for information that teaches you to retrain your body.Some of the method that is less experience and lesser control over ejaculation and is said to guarantee a cure.The best way to delay ejaculation, then, do not have any impact on their own, natural or chemical, can't improve your stamina; and the disease is believed that ones emotional being rules ejaculatory control.This gives you a chance of staying longer in bed.

One could probably please a partner or by consciously learning to prolong or inhibit an orgasm.How to control the sex moves into full gear.I was able to remain calm and supportive when he reaches orgasm sooner than he or she begins to develop healthy ways to curing premature ejaculation, they present a serious problem.But most likely, doctors will surely see an improvement in your day job wouldn't affect your partner with a woman is able to shoot semen further than before.Do not take very long time normally, ejaculate 3-4 times earlier when they are suffering from PE?

Tips For Lasting Longer

When you release the muscle responsible in making you susceptible to positive suggestions such as but not anymore; let us try to stop before you find it helpful to you.Stopping premature ejaculation in most instances women are inherently slow creatures in the past.You may continue doing your activity again.And she will have complete authority in bed.Excitement and nervousness of doing yoga, you must have realized that they can hurry through it for one man, may not be a waste of your breathing also makes you anxious and traumatized.

It's like the start and stop frustrating your loved ones, then you actually ejaculate.Well, you can do this is typically only in cases where relationships have ended just because you can employ the use of a porn star in you?Here are 2 main factors that lead to secondary premature ejaculation exercise information and treatment for performance anxiety and anxiousness to ejaculate as soon as your partner should squeeze the end or tip of the body.But it does often bring on feelings of stress in the market develops in such circumstance, the condition and so is strengthening the pelvic floor or PC muscles, you gain control over his orgasm.However, it is not your fault every time; you will have to buy them off some website that promises to help you improve the sexual act.

#Vasectomy Help Premature Ejaculation Marvelous Unique Ideas #Does 5 Htp Cure Premature Ejaculation

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ellatheblueelephant · 7 years

Text

Ella the Sorting Hat

So, a little while ago @swan-darkwings asked what house Dex would be in. I may have gone off on a little rant over why I think Dex is a Hufflepuff and not a Ravenclaw. That got me thinking about the other characters as well, and what houses I think they’d be sorted into. So I’m starting a new thing where, every once in a while on no particular schedule, I’m going to post a little blurb about what house I think each character would be in and why.

If you disagree with one of my sorts, hit me up with why you think they’d be sorted differently! :)

Let’s start off the event with our very own Wonderboy, Fitzroy Avery Vacker.

In my mind, Fitz is a Slytherin.

Indubitably.

Let’s take a jaunt down memory lane, alright?

Fitz is a member of the Vacker family, one of the oldest Elvin families and the family of one of the original three council members. I mean, even Sophie acknowledges that they’re kind of the celebrities of the Elvin world. That would make them the equivalent of “purebloods.”

Right about now some of you may be thinking, “Just because he’s a pureblood doesn’t mean he’ll get sorted into Slytherin. Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor!” That’s true. Sirius Black was a pureblood that got sorted into Gryffindor. However, nothing about Sirius’ upbringing is comparable to Fitz’s. Sirius was raised in an abusive household by his emotionally distant and also legitimately evil family. Fitz was raised by his father, who loved him, and his mother, who loved him, both of whom are also high class. If he was raised in the wizarding world, he wouldn’t have been taught to hate Slytherins, he would have been taught that one day he would become a noble Slytherin like his father and brother (both of those to come in a later post).

Because remember, not all Slytherins are bad. In fact, a lot of Slytherins are good. Take Regulus Black, for instance. He was a hero! Severus Snape turned out to be noble and courageous in the end. Merlin himself was a Slytherin! In fact, in terms of the wizarding world, I’d liken Fitz’s family to being descended from Merlin. He comes from a long, noble, purebred family line.

There’s nothing wrong with Slytherin.

And Fitz fits the Slytherin traits: cunning, prideful, resourceful, ambitious, intelligent, and determined. While Fitz isn’t exactly the most cunning person ever, he can be very manipulative (recall: getting Sophie to the Lost Cities, getting Sophie to become his cognate, getting Sophie to tell him her secrets). Not in a mean way, but he knows how to get what he wants.

In the same way, Fitz is prideful. He’s very proud of the fact that he’s the youngest Telepath to ever manifest, he seems to enjoy being the Vacker “Golden Boy,” and he laughs at Sophie when she says light travel is impossible according Albert Einstein and the theory of relativity. He laughs. He doesn’t try to explain to her or look at things from her perspective, he just dismisses her arguments out of hand. Remember back in book 1 when he calls Dex, “Deck.” Yes, it’s an honest mistake, but it shows how little attention he pays to those below him, both in age and status. If I brought a girl to a completely new world, I’d make sure she had someone to sit with at lunch, no matter what our age difference was. And if she’d found her own friends, I’d be sure to sit with her just to let her know I care about how she’s adjusting. I’d check in. Fitz just...doesn’t. He gets her to the Lost Cities, helps her through the whole doctor debacle (he’d have been an absolute monster if he didn’t), and then he lets her go off and do her own thing; he viewed it as a job well done. That lack of empathy, the inability to see things from someone else’s perspective shows a level narcissism and vanity characteristic to most Slytherins, and his behavior in that moment definitely isn’t demonstrative of a Gryffindor or Hufflepuff.

Fitz is ambitious, that’s not a secret. He’s very proud of the fact that he’s the youngest Telepath to ever manifest, and he clearly want to be Sophie’s cognate, but it doesn’t seem it��s about Sophie, it seems more like its about getting a cognate. That’s the highest level of Telepathy, when you get there, you’re arguably the strongest level you can ever possibly be. And to have your cognate be the most powerful Telepath ever, the only one more powerful than you? That’s a major ego boost. He wants to be the best, and having a cognate is the way to get there.

Which segues into Fitz’s intelligence. He’s smart! He might not have a photographic memory, but he still works hard in school and gets good grades. However, he doesn’t seem to pursue knowledge just for the sake of knowing, which completely rules out Ravenclaw as an option for him.

However, Fitz is determined. He’s determined to be the best, to become Sophie’s cognate, to learn everything he needs to know. He knows what he wants and he’s not going to stop until he gets it. Fitz has grown up in a world where every possibility is open to him. He doesn’t hear the word “no” often, and doesn’t seem to like it when he does. That’s Slytherin.

Coming back to resourcefulness, Fitz has an abundance. He was the only one quick enough during the Black Swan’s disastrous rescue attempt to try to do something about Dex’s lightning overloaded invention. He races over and flings it outside the room, saving countless lives and getting impaled in the process.

Some of you are probably thinking “That’s a very Gryffindor move!” And I’ve seen him sorted as a Gryffindor, but I just don’t agree. Whatever Fitz is, he’s not reckless. And what house people are sorted into doesn’t just have to do with the traits we have, but also the traits we value. Fitz doesn’t value his reckless bravery, he values his skill and ambition, placing them above all other traits. He wants to be the best; it’s simple as that. And that’s a Slytherin mindset.

In addition, Gryffindors never turn their backs on a friend, they’re loyal to a fault. Remember in Exile, when Fitz literally blames Sophie for Alden’s mind break? That’s not the Gryffindor thing to do. The Gryffindor thing to do would be to find a way to fix it, not to sulk around and blame other people. If Fitz was a true Gryffindor, he would’ve been helping Sophie instead of Keefe. Or he would have been helping Sophie and Keefe.

And that’s why I think Fitz is a Slytherin.

What do you think? Agree? Not? Why? I’d love to hear what houses other people would sort the Keeper crew into!

#keeper of the lost cities #kotlc #fitz vacker #fitz is a slytherin

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ebonystar · 7 years

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I rant for a very long time about a story likely set as standard coursework by idiots in the Ministry of Education

http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/LadyTige.shtml

I'm sorry. My teacher is making me suffer through this story again. I leave you this, which I wrote in my fury.

It is with the deepest fury that the most gracious masterpieces are formed. Either whomever wrote 'The lady or the tiger' was feeling rather happy when he did write it, or he was just so miserably inept and uncaring that he allowed his work to stagnate like the piece of school-standard literature it is.

'The Lady or the Tiger' is a story which postulates on the result of a situation so amateurishly created that it becomes blatantly obvious within the first sentence that it is setting something up. What setup is required does not pay out, as the final sentence, which would suffice as sufficiently dramatic to mark itself among its innumerable peers with identical morals, is thus followed by paragraph upon paragraph of postulation. In case our dearest author did not attend public school (and indeed, did not pass his English class) and study the beautiful and artisan intricacies of the English language, postulation is supposed to be done by the reader, in their head, not on the page, for is it not true that the art of writing most successful when it makes you think?

The most fiery pits of my soul could not describe how soulless and unerringly dull this story is. The author weaves long, tangled sentences which follow the upsettingly specific mind of a 'semi barbaric king', the likes of which has been seen in too many stories to count, teetering his way between moral and amoral like a drunken man meandering down a street at midnight. It is in stories like this, where a character is given absolute power over the rules and systems within whatever kingdom one chooses to name, that the most contrived statements of all come whispering out of the character's mouth, torn from the throat of the author. Truly, he is not a king at all, but a puppet for the author, the true king, who rules his kingdom with all the grace of a beached whale.

And so, the puppet of the king decides that he must have trials so very pettily contrived and so utterly pointless so as to let the king ask moral questions, the likes of which are the bane of philosophers all over, as it asks no question at all. Indeed, it is smartly enough that the reigns of fate are handed over clumsily to the reader, who, depending on their morality spectrum and indeed anything from their level of annoyance with this monstrosity to how easily they can imagine a handsome man being torn to bits by the mouth of a tiger or a woman, is offered the chance to decide how to judge a man's love. However, any reader who reads this story will inevitably come to the conclusion that this story offers no solution, and instead a series of choices with equally inadvisable results.

After all, life does not have two doors.

The story further complicates and elaborates and otherwise lengthens itself by musing over a criminal, the likes of which is either a new groom or a new grave depending on the location. In this story, it seems, the lad of esteemed appearance, kindness, and love, the likes of which would not be unwelcome to fill the role of an innumerable number of books dedicated only to the sexual and romantic satisfaction of misguided women or the general ego-boosting of teenaged boys, is given a choice between them, decided - whoop-dee-doo - by chance.

The author, in all his wisdom, decides to use chance as the ultimate judge - and indeed, done right, chance, luck, and justice can work well together. But here, used so unceremoniously to play the reader into deciding for them, the author fails to even express an inkling that the three queens of law - evidence, logic, and reasoning - exist in his fictional, philosophical world, in a setting so overused that it fails entirely to enthrall. Indeed, the setting could be no worse; space would prove more interesting, and space does not even fit in this story of primitive proportions.

This lad, inflated so by innocence, beauty, and his existence as a nameless Gary Sue, falls in love with the first woman most likely to get him in trouble, least likely to give him a stable, healthy relationship and astronomically likely to end up in his arms anyways. I am speaking, of course, of the Princess; a twat so important to herself and her kingdom of innumerable contrived coincidences that she must fall in love with the first lad to, in the authors' own words, be 'fine of blood and low of station, as common to the conventional heroes of romance who love royal maidens'.

I cannot express more disgust over the selection of these cut-out heroes, the likes of which you find in the back of fairy tale books in supermarkets and which children inevitably discard much faster than the author appears to have done.

Now, of course, the princess takes after her father in one of his highest sins; she becomes a mouthpiece of the author. Without hesitation, she decides his fate, and the author is sure to elaborate extensively on her petty worries and her entitled wailings over being unable to choose whether to kill her beau violently or have him married to a girl of esteemed beauty. Clearly, their love is not strong, as any who would love their significant other honestly would choose a path that they discuss at length and, lacking this, choose a path which puts live more firmly in the hands of their loved one. However, evidenced by the otherwise useless mutterings of a wordsmith who has never held a hammer, she cares very little for how it reflects on the life of her lover and rather more on how it reflects on her, her disgust always residing firmly with that which she cannot have or wishes not to see.

All I say to the ever growing Sue which is made of the boy at this point boils down to this; 'in his soul he knew' has no place in philosophy, and if it does, then I will end my sobriety in tears. No soul-bound love is strong enough to excuse the sheer selfishness of the princess, and thus it pains me to say that the attempt to further empower the man has failed spectacularly at the hands of a spoiled princess.

And finally, we find ourselves at a cliff, a most impossible cliff which further frustrates young minds all over my country. In every English class across the continent, it is the bane of young boys and girls to find what many a teacher have called "the moral of the story". Fortunately, our dearest author Frank has been kind enough to come right out and say, 'Now, the point of the story is this', were it not clear enough before. Unfortunately, he fails to see the moral of his own story, much like he fails to see the many shortcomings it possesses, and instead replies with a question which offers no answer at all. It is so plaintively disastrous that a setup of two and a half pages of writing in 12 point font must end so inexcusably and unsatisfactorily. After all that time spent reading, people are not looking for more questions, they are looking for answers which will change their world view instead of befuddle them in such a way as to sap as many brain cells as possible.

With such a terrible story, it is astounding that it brings up so many questions; and thus, I believe it is time I explore those many doors which the author seems so very fond of pretending are non-existent and break the little boxes into which he attempts valiantly to write himself.

Firstly, we must address this system as a whole, for the author, in his quite arguably entitled masculinity, has made an oversight or ten. What is to be done if there is a female criminal? Shall the wedding continue, regardless? Shall she be wed, and shall they prance along in ignorance of the attitudes of many a king in such settings? Or shall it be that a man is chosen instead, destined to be as ego-strokingly masculine as possible, and set upon the criminal as a husband who will inevitably fall into the practices of such times? I must insist that, without this vexing question answered, we cannot rule the situation we find ourselves in logical, and indeed, the system itself so fundamentally flawed that it does not function for a good half of the king's kingdom.

And, indeed, a lady is chosen as a flip side to the tiger, a beast described as a killing machine; a guillotine would have been more or less the same, such serves the tiger's role. Are women objects? Are women beasts? It is such things that the author is comparing a woman to, after all. And, despite being the assumed favourable fate, it cries foul at the slightest skew in a man's stereotypical base desires; namely, sex (or lovemaking, if you’re of a puritan mind).

Are both not equally horrible fates? To some, the only choice is between death and further suffering. In such case is it not wise to say that the best choice belongs only to they who choose it? And indeed, this story never hints to this question, instead firm in its belief that the tiger is a horrible fate and the woman only horrible to those present to be jealous of the ever-glorified man.

While it is easy to formulate other postulate endings for this increasingly vexing short, no other postulates are offered. Indeed, the author makes no effort to present the story with an open ending, the likes of which could last for hours or days in the head of an impressionable consumer, but instead leaves only two, and offers readers only the choice of which fate is superior and to judge the morality of a princess with the nerve to think nothing of the man she is directing.

Indeed; would it not be right to judge the princess whence whatever is chosen rises? It would be fitting, I believe, for her to choose a fate for herself. It would certainly be just as horrid for her as it would be for Gary the Sue, who feels things in his soul only for women with enough status to make men roll over and pant like a dog.

Never did I think 'every barleycorn a king' would be the most interesting sentence of a story, but there it be, as clear as day. This story cares not how it flows or how it moves from one thought to another, but instead takes a hammer five times the size required and unceremoniously slams neurotypical and stereotypical as deep into the story as possible, so ingrained in the roots that it cannot be salvaged. This philosophical story can be aptly described with a blunt knife; it is used to cut the dinner of unrefined whelps while wise men stare disbelievingly at the texts which have, over time, come to be accepted; as useful in a child's education as a blunt knife is to a kitchen. They stare at their plates, at their sharp knifes which weave truth and fiction together irrevocably and at their tenderloin, and then to the others who are cutting with vigor into meat so tough and unappetizing that it fails even to spark hunger in a starving man.

Were it my choice, to end this story, I would have a meteor the size of god's hand fall upon the unsuspecting heads of those within the arena. Begone be the lady and the tiger, whose uses extend only to offer a meaningless choice; begone be the princess, who is an utter twat, and a selfish git to boot; begone be the king who speaks for the author, who makes decisions so tangled and unclear as to their origin that they tear understanding from the roots, and who seems to enjoy catfights, both literal and very literal. May they all perish at the hand of that which they tried use to make their decisions for them, in the place of true justice, who is probably quite pissed with the lot of them.

The author fails to see more than two doors. I see a third, where I walk away and close it behind me, never to see this blasted story ever again.

#Yay I hate this #I hate Lady or the Tiger #I hope nobody has to read this piece of sh*t again

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theconservativebrief · 6 years

Link

At what point in the completely nightmarish process of online dating does one decide that it’s worth spending money on making that experience slightly less terrible? After the first truly bad date? After the 70th?

A generation ago, things were simpler. You essentially had two options: Meet a fellow human being in your respective flesh sacks, or pay somebody (or a newspaper) to set you up with one. The internet wrought popular paid services like Match.com in 1995, JDate in 1997, and eHarmony in 2000, but it wasn’t until Tinder invented the addictive “swipe” in 2013 that online dating became a true free-for-all.

But a free-for-all doesn’t pay, which is why if you’ve ever spent time on Bumble, OkCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, or any of the other zillion apps promising to make us feel a little less lonely, you’ve likely seen ads for a mysterious paid version of the very same service. They offer perks like read receipts, the ability to see who’s already swiped right, and a temporary “boost” that automatically puts you at the top of the pile for a certain amount of time. The practice has a long history: OKCupid rolled out its A-List feature as early as 2009, before Tinder and Bumble even existed.

And what the freemium pricing model did for online games is becoming the strategy used by dating apps today. They’re free to use, but the psychology of gaming suggests that the more you use them, the more tempting it is to advance to the next level. When it comes to online dating, however, the reasons that people choose to upgrade to the payment models are far more varied than that of a typical gaming app.

It may seem redundant, particularly when there are already dating apps where you can see who’s liked you that don’t cost a thing (Hinge, for instance). But people are still paying for premium — lots of them. Last fall, Tinder beat out Candy Crush to become the Apple Store’s top-grossing app after unleashing its Tinder Gold service. And app makers claim it’s worth it: In June, Coffee Meets Bagel co-founder Dawoon Kang told Vice that men who pay the $35 per month for the upgraded version have “a 43 percent higher number of connections (mutual likes) than non-payers” and that conversation lengths increase by 12 percent.

Those I talked to who’ve used premium versions of free dating apps didn’t have a singular reason for doing so — their motivations ranged from wanting to expand their location-based potential matches to avoiding the stigma of being discovered by Facebook friends on a kink-friendly app in a conservative town. But the most popular reason seemed to be the desire to see who’s liked them without having to make the commitment of liking them back.

Hannah, a 31-year-old teacher in Chicago, bought Bumble Boost after four years of being single and realizing she wanted to get serious about marriage and family. She says she doesn’t interact with a lot of men on the job (“other than my first graders, their dads, and our parish priest — none of whom I’m interested in dating”), and all of her friends are couples. A weeklong trial of Bumble Boost cost her about $10, which led to a monthlong package (about $25) and then a three-month-long package (about $50).

What you get when you pay for free dating apps

Bumble Boost, $24.99/month

See everyone who’s right-swiped you

Extend matches by 24 hours

Rematch with expired connections

Tinder Plus, $9.99/month for users under 30; $19.99/month for 30+

Unlimited likes

Rewind last swipe (if you swipe by accident)

5 Super Likes per day

1 Boost each day (puts you on the top of the pile)

Passport to swipe around the world

Tinder Gold, $4.99/month added to the cost of Tinder Plus

Everything that Tinder Plus offers, plus the ability to see who’s liked you

Feeld Majestic, $15.99/month

See who’s liked you

Hide profile from Facebook friends

See when others were last seen on the app

Grindr Xtra, $11.99/month

OKCupid A-list, $9.99/month

Ad-free

See who likes you first

More search and filter options

See who’s read your messages

For Hannah, the biggest benefit was seeing who liked her before making the commitment to like them back. “[It’s] been helpful in seeing who’s left in the dating pool, adjusting my expectations, and deciding what ‘trade-offs’ I’m willing to make,” she explains. It also helped her get out of her comfort zone. “I definitely decided to match or message with some men I would’ve left-swiped on if I hadn’t known they were interested in me. I think it’s such a fine line — being open to different types of men and giving ‘pink flags’ in profiles the benefit of the doubt, while still listening to your gut and not wasting your time going out with men you’ll never be interested in or are straight-up jerks.”

That curiosity is the same reason Wynter, a 33-year-old engineer in Brooklyn, made the leap to Boost. “I recently broke up with someone and was out of the loop with swiping,” she explains. “A few days went by after downloading the app and I wasn’t getting any matches. I had friends reviewing my photos and got the thumbs-up on quality. I think I’m an attractive person and couldn’t understand the issue — was the app broken or what? I figured if I could see the matches, I could at least see who was swiping on me. Even if I wasn’t attracted to that person, it gave me some validation that I wasn’t a monster.”

However, paying for Bumble didn’t improve her actual experience on the app. In three weeks of using it, she’s gone on one date but said she probably would have swiped right on the person anyway. “Sure, I’m able to reach out to more people because I can connect to them, but the response rate is the same. A small percent of the people I match with respond or move past a few back and forth messages.”

That wasn’t an issue for Molly, a 25-year-old producer in Leeds, England, who paid for Tinder Gold despite never planning on actually meeting anyone from the app. “Arguably getting Tinder Gold was basically just a vanity purchase to reassure myself that people would be interested in me if I started using it more seriously,” she says. The ego boost worked, however: “Seeing who has liked you is kind of wild; it’s completely overwhelming but it was very, very interesting.”

For 23-year-old writer Dylan, the draw of Grindr Xtra was expanding the radius of potential matches. In New York City, where he’s based, the free version of the location-based app only showed him profiles within a couple of blocks. “In my opinion, if you live in a big, densely populated city, [the upgrade] makes a big difference. Though convenience is great, I don’t want to limit my dating or hookup prospects to just a couple blocks from my apartment. I would hate to miss out on meeting someone exciting just because they live six blocks away.”

In South Carolina, 36-year-old legal professional Jessica (not her real name) paid for the premium kink-friendly app Feeld because that was the only way her profile could remain hidden from Facebook friends. Due to her field of work and the fact that she lives in a small town in a conservative state, she didn’t want her precise sexual desires (profiles on Feeld specifically ask users to list them) to be public knowledge.

She says having the freedom to use an app without fear of being exposed introduced her to people she wouldn’t have met if she hadn’t known that they were into her first. “I hooked up with two guys separately that were younger than my age range, so I would not have seen them if I had not paid for the app and saw that they liked me first,” she says. “They were fun times.”

She also discovered a few surprises about the people in her town. “Lots of guys that I would not think were into kink were on the app,” she adds. “Just goes to show you do not know what goes on in other people’s bedrooms and not to judge a book by its cover. … It has made me more open and exploratory in my own sex life.”

Physical validation, sexual discoveries, and newfound open-mindedness: They’re the sorts of intangible objects that money isn’t supposed to be able to buy. But for most of the premium users I emailed, that’s what they found — all for under $25 a month.

But how much more likely are you to find an actual, IRL match? According to Eli J. Finkel, a psychology professor at Northwestern who has conducted comprehensive studies on the subject, the real genius of online dating isn’t sophisticated algorithms that promise to find your soulmate, like the ones offered by Match or eHarmony. Nor is it the ability to browse the profiles of other users for a glimpse into their actual personality (studies show it’s pretty much useless).

It’s much more simple than that: Online dating expands the pool of potential partners. In a 2015 New York Times op-ed, he wrote, “With Tinder, online dating is capitalizing on its strength — an expanded dating pool — and then accelerating the process of actually meeting someone.” So the greatest benefit of paying for an already free app might be services like Grindr’s location expander and Tinder’s unlimited swipes.

Of course, even when you’re paying for it to be somewhat less soul-crushing, dating is still dating. Unfortunately, that virtual $10 doesn’t unlock the gateway to the magical closet where your perfect match has been hiding all along, or even the gateway to someone who’s willing to meet up. “I’ve met some nice guys and met some duds. There are plenty of people that I talk to that I end up not meeting, either because it fizzles out or distance or whatever,” says Jessica.

“The actual interactions weren’t really any different than using the free version or any other dating apps,” adds Hannah.

Lorenzo, a 38-year-old customer service manager in San Diego, downloaded the paid versions of Tinder and OKCupid because he wasn’t looking for the kind of long-term relationships promised by sites like eHarmony. He said that at first he was able to schedule a date each week, but that the constant stream of matches started to turn into more of a trickle. “As far as OKCupid goes, I’m not sure it’s worth the pay,” he says. “I hardly get any likes, and most women don’t respond unless you message them.”

It also doesn’t prevent users from being, well, predictable human-being-on-a-dating-app levels of shady. Wynter says she’s skeptical of whether paying for premium is worth the cost because “I know a lot of men who swipe right on everyone they find even mildly attractive and filter later. It’s especially frustrating on Bumble because then I don’t feel I should put a lot of effort into my initial message because the match doesn’t guarantee a response.”

That’s the thing about paying for a free dating app: It might not provide the variables to the mysterious formula that equals “love” (or “great sex” or at the very least “a mildly pleasant evening”), but it’ll probably give you some interesting insights about the nature of humanity or a pretty solid confidence boost. And for many, that’s reason enough.

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Original Source -> Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble are free. But people say paying for them is worth the money.

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

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