#and it also feels very Junior Year to struggle with stuff like this and feel like you're supposed to Figure This Out by yourself
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In the mood for...
May 16th
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1. Hello! Hello! This time I'm asking I'm in Mood for a Fic. So, I want that after WWY's death he is reincarnated in the modern world, with all his memories, and discovers that his past life is a book, his mother in modern life is a fan of that book and is the reason he is called Wei Ying again. He must also discover that Lan Zhan is in love with him. Honestly, this is the basis, it may or may not have just 1 chapter or be longer. I just want something like this. Thank you ☺️ @sweettiebah
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2. I would like to find a WangXian fic where there will be some friendship between Wei Wuxian and Jin Zuxian + some cute moment between the latter and his wife? Maybe one where Zuxian doesn't die? (not a modern AU please)
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3. do you know any nice fic where Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian have a nice uncle-nephew relationship? If possible, without too much of JC'presence?
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4. Do you know some WangXian fics where Wei Wuxian come back from death sooner, before 13/16 years?
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5. after reading "baby, you ain't seem nothing yet" by triviasfolly, i have been obsessed with wangxian's parental dynamics with shizui and jingyi - are there any fics like this?
it doesn't have to be a modern au, but i would like if the juniors are teenagers. one of my favorite things were jingyi's crush/longing for a mom when it came to wwx, and how lwj seemed to be accepting him as a son. loved wwx discussion about self expression with, gender and romantic feelings with a'yuan, and that outburst with lwj not wanting him to grow up
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6. itmf fic where baoshan sanren comes down from her mountain to tell off JFM and madam yu for mistreating the son of her disciple—madam yu for all the obvious stuff, and JFM for allowing and possibly encouraging the rumors that WWX was his son, dishonoring cangse sanren’s memory with the idea she would have been unfaithful to her husband. i’ve seen them being criticized for that before, but never by BSSR, even though she’s the one with most reason to be mad on CSSR & WWX’s behalf
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7. I'm in the mood for a fic where wy gets dumped by someone, and lz has to comfort him, while also figuring out how to lock that down. Bonus points if lz is possessive and horny. Bonus bonus points if they're lesbians.
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8. hello! i'm looking for wangxian fics in which lwj's family doesn't accept his relationship with wwx, i'm looking for something very angst
please! thank you 💕
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9. I'm in a mood for fics with a main pairing you hadn't thought would work but *did*
a bird in your teeth by Eevee (ChaosBitch) (E, 61k, JYL/XY, wangxian, Let XY have nice things, Let JYL get some good dick, (sorry JZX I know you did your best), Past JYL/JZX, Past JYL/MM, All of the sex in this fic is consensual, But one of the participants IS a fierce corpse, JYL POV, Minor Character Death, I feel like this fic turned out surprisingly soft, but XY still does some onscreen murders, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mention of JGS’s canon behavior, Mentions of XY’s canon behavior, Also Wangxian is not the main pairing, but they’re definitely here and stupider in love than ever, Angst, past XY/JGY, Hopeful Ending) This fic made me ship Jiang Yanli/Xue Yang
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10. Hii, for the next itmf I was wondering if anyone has any Spider-Man Wei Wuxian AU's?
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11. itmf modern au fluff fics like "Insert Coin Now for Extra Life" by TriviasFolly? it can be a/b/o or not. just want fluffy fics of wangxian loving eo 💌
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12. Any modern single parent WWX fics where LWG thinks that WWX is messy or disorganized or something on first meeting, just generally has a negative impression and dislikes him before finding out he's a single dad?
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13. Wei ying has some illness and is brought to cloud recesses to recover @untamedlover
Sick Bed Reserved In Gusu Lan by scifigeek14 (T, 14k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Sick fic, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Golden Core Reveal, Fix-It)
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14. For the in the mood for thank you in advance
Financially struggling Wei Wuxian @kanrax-blog
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15. Hey do you know any ff where wei ying is an omega and wangi is an alpha but no one knows that wei is omega and he is keeping it secret and he is so awesome that no one could guess, about him being an omega but lan wangi knew cause he is his mate and he tries to protect him, something like that....thank you😊
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16. Hi!! I'm ITMF a fic with badass WWX acting a little off-putting/eery from other ppl's POV, yk like how the juniors say that WWX feels kinda strange and scary sometimes because of his powers but also bc of something "inherent" with him? I hope it's clear enough.. tysm!! @harapecowee
You are what you eat by deliciousblizzardshark (E, 17k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Eldritch WWX, Horny LWJ, Body Horror, Possessionof a sort, Cannibalism, kind of, Mild Gore, Teeth, Fluff and Humor, Smut, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Monster sex, Switching, Light BDSM, Rimming, Self-Lubrication, Seriousness treated Crackily, Implied/Referenced Torture, Dead WWX) Eldritch horror!WWX
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17. IITMF ask; Does anybody know of any fics where after the sunshot campaign, they go to the death row Wen cultivators and give them the option of giving up their cultivation and leaving as a free but mortal person or death/labor camps until they die/basically whatever they did to the wens in cannon. As a way to fix some of the damage done by when Zhuliu(*cough cough* or just WWX *cough cough*). Does something similar to that exist? Like I'm not asking for anything where this is the main focus, this could be a minor mention/plot point. But does anyone know anything like it?
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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***
#wangxian#mdzs#wangxian fic recs#i'm in the mood for a fic#the untamed#wangxian fic search#wangxianficfinder#long post
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it is extremely teenager-coded to not even think to ask for help or not be able to articulate the help you need, and also i understand these High School Junior Year Struggles exist for the sake of the season arc and individual character development and that's probably why the entire gang isn't breaking into porter's house to christmas carol him into approving gorgug's multiclassing, but also it is super jarring for there to be both a literal trust fund baby living unsupervised in his massive house and an orphaned (?) teenager who needs to get a part-time job to pay for her school supplies. fabian's house definitely has barrels of diamonds just sitting somewhere, but instead adaine has to cut the Infinite Strudel for eight hours a day.
#laughs awkwardly#dimension 20#obviously also very in character that it doesn't occur to fabian to rules-lawyer his trust fund#so that his friends could receive the Nemesis Payout or to Think Twice about how much money to spend on his house party#and it also feels very Junior Year to struggle with stuff like this and feel like you're supposed to Figure This Out by yourself#your late teens and early twenties are all about unnecessarily struggling with pressure and loneliness because you should be Grown Up now#and it's not like they don't care about each other. they're completely all-in on any endeavor anyone does announce to the group#but it really does hurt my heart to see riz doing Overtime Research to figure out how all his friends can go to the same college#bby boy it wouldn't be hard at all. if fabian donated 10 million gold coins by declaring the university his nemesis#they would accept anyone he asked. and then you guys can room together in a massive luxury dorm suite
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Crawling to the Finish | Part 1 of 4 | 2.6K
I am queuing up all 4 parts of this story, and they will all be released throughout the week on the dates that are indicated on the Materlist. This story is already completed, and I do not intend to revisit it for editing. My emotional labor on this one has already been done.
Warnings: There will be lots of descriptions of medical stuff. The reader is physically disabled due to an undefined accident. Major bone trauma. Lots of talk about pain. Later parts are going to have smut, because disabled people have sex like everyone else.
Summary: You have to go back to school while still recovering from surgery. Principal Higgins is determined to make you as comfortable as possible, so he assigns someone to help you get around.
A/N: The physical disability described in this series are my own. The experiences are very close to what my own. Be kind.
This one goes out to CJ - you helped me carry my books my junior and senior years of high school because you got to leave class early. You were a real one.
**
The crutches rubbed the skin of your armpits raw. You’d tried everything. Your mom has sewn pieces of flannel over the arm rests to try to make it more comfortable. It didn’t matter. The only solution was to give it time, let your skin grow tougher. These crutches would be your best friends for the foreseeable future.
The immediate concern after your initial recovery was getting you back to “normal” life. That meant school. The thought of trying to wade through the crowds at Hawkins High while balancing on your crutches was enough to send you into a fury. It was so unfair. Your parents and the administration were determined to make it work.
You would be allowed to leave your classes 5 minutes early, working your way through empty hallways. You could carry your backpack to your classes, despite the rule about keeping them in lockers. You can’t imagine trying to rest your tender hip on the cold desks that could be found in every classroom, but Principal Higgins has a solution for that. One that you’ve promised yourself you’ll never use.
“I’m not sitting on a donut.” Your mom has tried to show you how much more comfortable you would be sitting on a donut designed for hemorrhoid pain. “I’d rather die. I’ll deal with the pain.”
Dealing with the pain was something you always did. You learned early on that complaining about it wouldn’t make it lessen, it just made the people around you make sympathetic noises that set you on edge.
Being on edge is your new normal. Everything set you off. You took everything personally. If someone was overly nice to you, you took it as an insult. Everyone wanted to help, but you wanted to do it yourself. You were so tired of people using you to make themselves feel better. “Oh, I helped that poor cripple girl today when she was struggling with the door. Aren’t I special?”
So, you taught yourself how to do everything – with adjustments. Because you didn’t want to miss out on more than you had to. You gained stamina. You once crutched 3 miles with a group of friends to watch a fireworks display. It almost killed you, and you couldn’t lift your arms the following day, but you did it. And you watched those fireworks with your head rested in your boyfriend’s lap. He never asked if you were ok. He never suggested that maybe he should have stayed back with you and watched them from the back of his truck. So, you did it, and you hid the pain.
It only reinforced the idea that you had to be better at pretending to be fine when that same boyfriend cheated on you while you were in the hospital recovering from surgery last year. You had insisted he not miss junior prom because of you, insisted he take your friend. Megan was one of your best friends, and she was more than happy to do it. You didn’t know that they’d been secretly fucking for months.
Your brain knew that he was a dick, and that what he did was fucking awful. You also knew that you were a burden to everyone around you. Of course he wanted out, but how do you break up with a cripple without being an asshole? The answer was that you didn’t. But that was last year, and this year you didn’t have to worry about boys and friends. You just had to worry about making it to graduation. Fuck the rest of it. You would crawl onto that stage if you had to.
**
The first morning back to school after the most recent surgery came halfway through your senior year, 3 weeks after having your sixth major hip repair surgery. The previous five were failures. This is a last-ditch effort with a new surgeon. As soon as you turned 18, you left the pediatric orthopedic surgeon you’d been seeing for the last 5 years – he was one of the best in the country – to see someone new. Someone that wouldn’t attach the expectations of pediatric care with your treatment plan anymore. You need a life, and you’ve already lost so much time.
When you saw the new doctor, he looked at your images and said, “this is a mess.” One 6-inch rod attached to your thigh bone and at least 8 pins holding the failed hip fusion in place. His treatment plan was, “let’s take it all out and see what happens.” He promised if you gave it a full 6 weeks to see what happens, he’d do a full replacement. He’d give you your life back.
So, you let him have his little experiment with you. You let your parents hope for some miracle, let them ask their church friends to pray for you. You give your doctor the agreed upon 6 weeks to ”see what happens”, and then he’ll take that diseased bone out of your body and replace it with metal, plastic, and ceramic.
Today is the day you crutch your ass back into high school and try to have a normal day. Completing course work at home has been a breeze, but the district is determined to not be labeled as unfriendly to disabled people, so you’re here now. The first three periods are ok, it’s English, Algebra, and a typing class. Painful, but bearable. The fourth class of the day, American History, started with a bang.
Mr. Willis is a short man with a perpetually annoyed expression. He is known for openly mocking his female students. His room smelled of onions, and his short sleeved white button up shirts always sported yellow-green armpit stains. The onion smell was always worse when he moved around the room, his arms lifted high in the air to get a point across.
The class starts, as all classes do, with a roll call. Perfectly reasonable, nothing out of the ordinary until he reaches your name.
“Y/N – you’re gracing us with your presence today?” His eyes are glaring at you from behind his desk. “That’s a shame.” He stands and walks over to you, his stench trailing behind him, “I need you to go to Vice Principal Brobeck’s office immediately.” He has a disciplinary slip already filled out in his hand.
“What?” You can’t help your tone; it’s confused and annoyed. How could you possibly be in trouble when it’s been weeks since you last sat at this desk.
“Your truancy needs to be addressed by the administration. A string of unexcused absences. Go!” He barks out the last, finger pointing to the door, and you can’t help but scoff at him.
“Uh, fine, I’ll go. Can I ask you, though, are you blind?” You wave your crutches at him while trying to maneuver and get your backpack over your shoulders. “I had surgery.”
He prattles on about your tone and lack of respect to your back as you crutch your way down the long hallway to the administrative offices for the school. You were exhausted already, and adding another trip around the school with your heavy backpack left you feeling angry. You could feel hot tears of frustration burning behind your eyes while you stumble a little at the office door.
The secretary has you take a seat in one of the soft cushion chairs in the entryway, which is a small mercy for your sore hip. Someone is sitting next to you, but you barely register his presence in your current state of distress and pain.
“Uh, what the hell did you do to get sent down to the office?” His voice is playful with you, but you’re not in the mood to engage with anyone.
“My existence in this building is enough, apparently.”
Before he can manage a response, the Vice Principal’s door opens, and he calls your name. The boy in the chair next to you tries to help with your bag, but you just snatch it out of his hands and throw it over your shoulders before crutching into the inner office.
“So, Mr. Willis says you’ve been truant. Do you have an explanation?” You can tell by his glassy eyes that he’s just going through the motions without actually taking in the situation sitting right in front of his face.
“I’m sorry, are you serious right now?” This gets his attention. You can practically see smoke coming out of his ears at your attitude, until he really takes a look at you. The crutches, the obvious pain in your face. “I’ve been out for 3 weeks because I had surgery. I’m back because Principal Higgins insisted the school could accommodate my needs. Call my parents if you want.”
He has your mother on the phone in an instant. You imagine her sitting at the kitchen table just waiting for a call from the school, which is probably exactly what she’s been doing. She’s devoted years to your recovery. As soon as Mr. Brobeck says the word “truant”, you can hear her yelling through the phone line, demanding to speak to Principal Higgins. So it goes.
**
The boy is still sitting in a chair waiting for whatever punishment is coming for him when you exit the office with both principals at your heels. Higgins is falling all over himself apologizing, promising you’ll have no more problems with Mr. Willis when he spots Eddie.
“Munson, you want to get out of detention?” Your eyes are drawn back to the boy, finally taking him in fully. He’s shaggy haired, wearing leather and denim with big rings adorning his hands. A metalhead. In Hawkins.
“Uh, yes sir.” He’s standing wearing an open face, ready to accept any terms that are offered to him. Your assumption is that most of the staff at the school would use any excuse to give him detention or get him expelled.
“Y/N is going to need someone to help her get from class to class,” You start to protest, but Higgins speaks over you, “how do you feel about taking on that responsibility? You’ll have to leave your classes a few minutes early and make sure she can get around the school without a problem.”
“Of course. If that’s ok with her.” He looks to you. You have no choice but to agree, how can you say no with him looking at you like that? His eyes pleading.
So, it was decided. Eddie Munson, the problem child of Hawkins, would escort you between classes. The assumption from Higgins is that you’ll be happier with a little errand boy helping you, but this boy likes to talk.
“So, what’s with the sticks?” He’s sitting with you while you wait for the hallways to clear before heading to your next class. Would it be rude to tell him to leave me alone?
“It’s complicated. I had surgery a few weeks ago. I’ll probably have another one in a few weeks.” It’s all you can offer.
“Woah, that sucks. Are you new? I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you here before.”
“Not new. I’ve lived in Hawkins forever.” You could explain that you’ve been in and out of school for the last few years due to your accident and subsequent surgeries, but you don’t have the strength. It also bores you to think about having that conversation with someone new.
“Really? How have I never seen you before?” He’s trying to be friendly. Don’t be a dick to him.
“I don’t know, maybe you’re just not very perceptive.” It’s a low blow, but he laughs at it, which is promising. “Listen, I’m really drained. Can we just sit here?”
“Yeah, no problem. Sorry.” He looks genuinely apologetic, but something about this interaction is different than what you’re used to. He’s not looking at you like you’re broken. He’s talking to you with interest, not pseudo sympathy.
“It’s ok. Ask me questions another time.” You let your head lean back against the wall and try to block out the noise in the room, and the pain zipping down your leg. This last surgery was a short one, but it left you drained. You feel loose, like your body is coming apart without the metal holding you together. You think it must be in your head, and remind yourself that you only need to get through a few weeks of this. It’s nothing, a few weeks is nothing.
**
You and Eddie have lunch together at his regular lunch table, which you agreed to because he promised his friends would leave you alone if he told them to. And they did, mostly, even though you got a lot of side eyes. Especially from the younger ones. You could see them practically vibrating with the need to talk to you. Especially the one in the hat. You can tell he’s gonna go for it before his mouth even opens.
“So, Eddie tells us he’s helping you get around for your classes.” The kid is being casual, and it’s so endearing, you can’t even be mad. A pretzel hits the kid in the face, Eddie looks like he’s ready to leap over the table and strangle him.
“Down boy, it’s ok.” You give him a little smile, so he knows you’re not mad. “Yes, Eddie’s helping me so he can get out of detention. It works out.” You give the kid the best smile you can manage, which you’re sure looks weak on your blood drained face.
The boy nods a little and says, “That’s a sweet deal for him, though, isn’t it? He gets to leave classes early and he gets out of detention.” Another pretzel is lobbed at the kid’s face, and now you’re giggling.
“You’re definitely right, I’m not sure what I’m getting out of it.”
“Can I ask –“ before the words come out of his mouth, Eddie is walking over to put his arm around the boy’s shoulder.
“Dustin, what did we talk about?” Dustin, you’ll remember that.
“You said that you had a friend joining us and we had to leave her alone. But –“ Eddie tightens his grip, but Dustin persists, “BUT, I just want her to know that as a fellow disabled person, she can talk to me! Ok, I’m done now.”
The rest of the lunch period goes by without any incidents, but Dustin does slide over half of his oatmeal cookie to you at one point with a giant grin on his face. You mouth a little “thanks” and give him a weak smile.
Eddie gets you to and from the last few classes of the day, and even walks you out to your car after your last class. As the day goes on you, you decide to accept his help with as much grace as you can. Especially because the situation is actually helping him too. It makes it easier to swallow. Less like pity.
“Well, I’ll see you in the morning, Ilene.” His delivery of the joke is lame, and you let it hang in the air for a minute, letting him squirm. “You get it? Ilene?”
“Yeah, I get it Eddie.” You let your face fall, casting your eyes to the floor of your car. “That’s really insensitive. Maybe I should tell Principal Higgins to get me a new errand boy.” You’re trying to bite back the smirk his lame joke is threatening to bring to your mouth.
“I’m sorry, I thought it was funny –“
You’re giggling at his panic, “Eddie, that joke was so lame, it offended me. Do better. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x disabled!reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson angst#eddie munson smut#eddie munson stranger things#disability in fanfiction
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#1 Crush
Here's the full version of Pink in the Night. I also changed up bits from the little part I posted a while ago so don't be confused because it's not word for word anymore, enjoy!
Warnings: possessive & obsessive behavior, typical yan stuff
Word count: 3.6k
Gn reader, sfw
[More under the cut]
You met Josuke at a young age, your mother and Tomoko were very close friends so it was only a matter of time before you two were introduced to one another. You and Josuke grew close rather quickly and ever since then you've been best friends (matter of fact he's been your only friend for a majority of your life.) He's the only person who seems to get you in this vast world.
As you two grew older, he began wanting to be at your side more and more. He would spend the night often during the summer, or you'd spend the night at Tomoko's although you were still scared to go to another's house then. He didn't mind though of course.
Whenever you were struggling with homework, he'd be there happy to help and explain as much as he could. When you woke up terrified because of an awful nightmare and woke him up out of fear, he'd be ready to reassure you that everything was going to be okay then help you go back go sleep. And on the days where you felt down and misunderstood by others around you, he'd be there and listen to you. He would always be there for you.
You were very appreciative of how patient he was with you, even as you two grew to be highschoolers. He seemed to be the only person who really wanted to understand you. Others were often too pushy with you, overly critical, or never bothered to understand why you didn't like certain things or acted certain ways. It was nice to know that not everyone wanted to fix you.
Whenever you had asked why he was so attached to you out of all people, he'd always respond with the thought that you were fun and your sense of self was unique, as well as your view of the world. He thought you were absolutely perfect as you were. So much so that he often had a look of pure adoration in his eyes when it came to you and it made your heart swell with unknown feelings whenever you happened to notice.
♡
At this point Josuke hadn't realised he developed a "little" crush on you yet. He just knew that the friendship you shared was something special, something irreplaceable. It was a bond he'd do anything to keep. You two shared so many memories after all. All of your birthday parties were spent with one another, many of the holidays you'd see him, and of course at school you'd be together. You two were inseparable!
During these times you also came to the conclusion that you really didn't need anyone else. Josuke was like your soulmate. He liked you and you liked him. You trusted him more than anyone else in the world. It'd be hard for someone else to gain your trust or develop such a deep bond with you as he did. No one could ever compare.
💕
Some days you'd miss school for reasons that were mostly out of your control. At first Josuke didn't mind because he knew he'd be able to see you the next day, but he was so lonely without your company. He could only ignore the feeling that was building up in his chest and restricting his breathing ever so slightly for so long.
During junior year he grew to hate those days. Why would you leave me? It was like he couldn't breathe properly when you weren't around. But he wasn't alone of course, people liked him and he had more acquaintances than he'd like, but none of them were you. His obsessive nature thrived and all he could do was think about you. He spent his time in class daydreaming about coddling you and how he should've been at your house playing games with you and what not. Of course you missed him plenty too, but it was no where near what he was feeling. Everything you felt for him was no where near what he felt for you.
This is also the year he begins to get more touchy. He starts holding your hands more, having his arm around your shoulder, embracing you, touching your face, brushing your hair... Whenever you two worked on homework together and you got everything right, he'd give you little side hugs. After being so affectionate for some time he began to realize that his feelings for you were more than just friendly. Why it took him so long, no one knows!
As for you, his constant presence never really bothered you, you liked the attention he gave you. You would even say you actively seeked it at times. Sometimes he was overwhelming though, mostly when he praised you over simple things. It felt belittling but you'd never voice how you felt about it. Other than that you thought it was nice...he was nice. Your mother often teased you two about when you were going to get together which made you flustered. Josuke just looked at you with those lovesick eyes of his and a saccharine smile as you stumbled over your words.
💕
Now that you two were old enough to go out on your own, that meant Josuke could take you to the rollerskating rink. It was something he wanted to do for a while and it quickly became one of your favorite ways to spend time together! He loved watching you skate around and occasionally pull him towards you so you two can skate along together. He watched a couple videos in advance and tried out some of the tricks, only successfully pulling off a few and the others leaving both of you a laughing mess.
Another spot you two would spend the day at was the park, it was a good place to find some peace from the world. Sitting on a bench with a tall tree shading you was such a simple activity but being there with him made you feel like nothing could ever go wrong in your life. The sounds nature provided you and Josuke's warmth was all it took to ease your mind.
💕
During your senior year you started receiving letters. First, you found them in your locker, then a handful later they started appearing in your backpack...which was concerning. They were really sweet though!
- "Hi, I just wanted to let you know...I think you're so cute!"
You had not a single clue who they could be from. You rarely interacted with your classmates, with the few exceptions of working with someone other than Josuke on a group project and other moments of small talk with peers. Either way you didn't pay much mind to them, so why would anyone pay attention to you? It's definitely a prank by another student, you had thought.
You asked Josuke about who they could be from but all he answered with was "probably a secret admirer". You laughed at him and he simply looked at you with a familiar fondness in his eyes. You brushed off his strange demeanor and decided to move onto a different topic of discussion.
You wondered if they could've been from Josuke himself for a brief moment, but no way...the handwriting and choice of words was pretty different. And he'd probably be upfront about his feelings, right? Nonetheless you began ignoring the letters and only read them whenever they were decorated prettily.
- "every little thing i do you're on my mind...the way i feel lately is driving me crazy.."
- "i can't get over you i think about you all the time"
Over time you noticed the contents were becoming more and more...odd, to say the least. This person would go on about certain things you did or how much they loved you. They'd write way too much about your habits and how cute they found them. You laughed at some of them, some prank this was! Yes, it was definitely a prank, you kept telling yourself, trying to convince yourself no one was actually being a creep towards you. At least your senior year was coming to an end and those letters would stop.
...
Well that was what you thought. You'd graduated and been out of highschool for a few months now and still, those letters managed to show up. They were less frequent, but getting more uncomfortable.
"I wish I could be around you all the time. I love you so much. I love everything about you, the way you talk, smell, fix your hair, and your eyes, your eyes are so pretty. I want them to look at me for the rest of time. You're so pretty, I want you so bad, I want you all for myself. It's not fair... I hope you accept my feelings one day, [y/n]. I think I'd die if I couldn't have you." It was written messily with words like "love" and "you" written darker than the rest.
You were beginning to worry, obviously this person was someone who knew your schedule and was probably close to you. Josuke kept reassuring you it was nothing but when you began being refusing to leave the house and holed yourself up in your room out of paranoia, he offered to get rid of whoever was sending those letters. It should've been so obvious...but you trusted him, the sweet and thoughtful Josuke who you spent most of your days with wouldn't be this weird to you. You really hoped it wasn't..
- "i just wanna be yours"
Josuke didn't mean to freak you out as much as he did, he just wanted to know what your reaction could be to his unfiltered feelings for you. It made him a little disheartened to know you felt so uncomfortable but he understood that receiving those kinds of words from a stranger would be concerning. He could only hope that you would accept all of him when the time finally came.
💌
You didn't know how, and he wouldn't elaborate either, but the letters did stop. You hugged him tightly with your head resting on his shoulder as you thanked him and told him you were forever grateful. His body tensed up and his eyes widened but quickly he returned the hug, relaxing in your arms. A delusional smile formed on his lips and a sweet warmth spread across his face. He held onto you with possessive hands, his grip ever so slowly getting tighter and tighter until you spoke once more.
"I don't know what I'd do without you." You mumbled.
Were you trying to kill him? His heart skipped a beat and time seemed to stop as you kept him encased in your arms. You had no idea what those words were doing to him, his mind was racing with utterly delusional thoughts of you. Thoughts of how much he knew you needed him now, how he'd do anything to make you happy, to protect you, keep you safe, and make you stay by his side for the rest of your life. He'd do it all with a lovesick smile on his face and pure obsession swirling in his violet eyes.
💜
With the help of each of your moms and having saved up for months, you two were eventually able to move into a small but cozy apartment together and lived relatively peaceful lives. Well aside from Josuke beginning to show unmistakable signs of his possessive behavior towards you.
Since you two worked separate jobs he couldn't be around you nearly as much as he wanted to (even though you still spent a good chunk of time together.) He was always thinking about you. Wondering if you were okay, if anyone was getting close to you, talking to you, trying to take you away from him, or god forbid if anyone other than him was touching you. It drove him insane being away from you for more than a few hours, it was a miracle he could still work well with how much you were on his mind.
He'd hug you for a few minutes after especially long days and asked you how your day was while resting his head on your shoulder. You of course always indulged him which put the thoughts of you leaving him at ease. Oh how he loved having you in his arms... This was where you belonged, with him, in his arms, and safe from the world. He was so warm and so strong, he always made you feel nice...and it would drive him even more mad if you ever told him that.
💜
He began thinking that you liked him back romantically because of how much you indulged in his behavior. He was never clear about his feelings with you, but he knew that you two were blurring the lines between a platonic and romantic relationship for a while now. It didn't help that you weren't clear about how you felt either, so of course he thought you liked him back! You must've been too shy to say anything, how cute.
Truthfully though, you weren't completely sure as to how you felt about him. Yes, you loved and cared about him more than anyone else in your life and he was basically all you knew at this point...your face would still heat up from all the affection and attention he gave you, even after so many years. Really there was no reason for you not to be romantically interested in him. So you left it at that, unsure but you wouldn't mind if he wanted to begin officially dating.
💜
After a couple months Josuke grew tired and decided if he couldn't see you outside the house, then nobody could. He eventually convinced you to work from home, saying things like, "Y'know if I'm not there I can't protect you." And "Don't you remember how weird people can be?" For a moment you thought that maybe Josuke was being overprotective, you were an adult now, you could take care of youself. But another part of you thought he was right... You trusted him with everything in your heart, he knew you better than anyone else, he was just looking out for you.
He began feeling more at ease knowing that you were 98% safer now since you were home when he wasn't with you. He still felt like he couldn't breathe properly without you in the same room as him, but it was better than anyone else enjoying your presence.
💜
As a way to prevent you from growing bored of staying home for so long, he made sure you two went out to other places (mostly the park) when there was time. It was nice to know that even as an adult the park still gave you a sense of normalcy (something you were quickly losing while living with Josuke.) Even if he was quickly falling into the depths of his obsession, he was still so thoughtful when it came to you.
Something about walking the familiar path to your little spot was so nice. No matter how hectic life got, as long as you were able to walk along it with Josuke by your side, you'd always feel like everything would be okay.
"I've always loved being here, y'know? I feel like this is my other home as stupid as it may sound." You started as you stared out into the lightly clouded sky underneath a shaded bench. Josuke turned to you with a hint of surprise in his eyes.
"It's not stupid, but I didn't know you liked it here so much. I kinda thought you'd get tired of it by now." He admitted. Sometimes you'd have a blank look on your face and it made him overthink, but really you were content, maybe even your happiest.
You let out a small laugh, "I don't think I'd ever get tired. It's too pretty here! The clouds always make me so happy...sometimes I wish we could be here all the time." A smile crept up to your lips and you glanced over to him. He met your eyes with everlasting adoration and reached out to place a hand on yours. You interlaced fingers and promptly looked away as your smile grew.
"You make being here so much nicer... You don't talk too much or talk too little and you know how to appreciate silence. I'm so glad I get to spend all this time with you, Josuke. I feel like...like this is how it was always meant to be. Just you and me, against the world!" You laughed and gave his hand a little squeeze, trying to hide the embarrassment you felt from sharing the last thought.
Josuke sat there looking at you, trying so hard to keep everything contained. You basically confessed to him, didn't you??? How could you say that and not expect him to think that you also loved him? This was it. This was the moment that made him realise it's been long enough for him to let you know how he really felt.
He simply agreed with you, that this was all fate and your conversation moved elsewhere. Your park date ended an hour or so later after you two decided to head back home and end the day with a movie night.
💜
For the rest of the day, your words plagued Josuke's mind. If he didn't confess soon, his heart would crack, and like a breaking dam all his love would drown you. He was worried about scaring you away but he knew deep down you'd stay by his side, especially after what you had said earlier.
So that night he planned to give you his confession, and with it his heart, whether you wanted it or not.
💗
You were about to go to bed after having finished the movie when Josuke grabbed your hand to stop you. You turned back and were about to question him but the look in his eyes kept you quiet.
"I'm in love with you, I think I've loved you ever since we were kids but only realized it in highschool...but these feelings- these feelings, they've just kept growing and growing and growing all this time" He reached for your other hand and delicately intertwined your fingers with his. "I can't take it anymore, the longer I keep all this inside me, the more I feel like I'll go crazy. All I can ever think about is you and how much you mean to me and how I need to be with you all the time." His breathing grew unsteady and you could hear the desperation climbing up his throat. "I want you to be mine...and I wanna be yours." He spoke softly but there was an unmistakable seriousness in his tone. He fixed his eyes on yours as he poured his heart out to you. It felt like he was staring into your very soul and you got a taste of the overwhelming, sickly sweet feelings he held for you. His eyes were so intense and darker than normal, you felt like the longer you gazed into them you'd begin to drown in all that love.
His confession made your heart flutter, hell it even made the skin on your face burn up like crazy. You never expected him to say something so....endearing? You were almost in shock, but of course the guy who doesn't want you spending time alone with anyone but him is in love with you.
You'd been friends this long and you two have already been crossing the boundaries of a normal friendship, why not accept his feelings? And you already told yourself if he ever said anything that you'd go with it, so that's what you did.
"I love you too."
His eyes lit up with something unrecognizable and he pulled you into a tight hug, making your body freeze at the sudden intense contact.
"I'm so happy. To finally hear you say it back... I love you so much." he mumbled into your shoulder. "I love you more than you could ever know, [y/n]."
All you could do was hug him back and try to contain a large smile but ultimately fail. You had a feeling this wasn't normal. You've been aware that the things he'd done may not have been completely normal for a while now, but you couldn't help but love his unhealthy feelings for you. It almost made you feel guilty.
You never understood why you were the one he loved so deeply, even after he explained, but you couldn't care when his arms always wrapped around you so lovingly. He made you feel so many things you've never experienced before and you loved it. The way he seemed to remember every single thing about you, got you the most thoughtful gifts, and how every time he touched you it was so sweet and gentle. All the heartwarming little things he'd say to you, and only you, they gave you butterflies and made your heart swell so much. He gave you all the attention no one else could ever give to you, and you were possibly obsessed with it as much as he was obsessed with you...
Josuke finally let you go after what felt like forever but gave you a look like he still had something he wanted. He broke eye contact and his lips turn up into an awkward smile, your expression turning to one of slight confusion.
"You're so cute, y'know? Sometimes when I look at you, and you give me that weird look, I just wanna kiss every inch of your face and see that pretty smile of yours." Your eyes widened and you felt your heart bloom further.
"You're too much, Josuke. I don't know if I can handle you being so...uh" You looked away to hide your growing smile but it didn't do much. He was absolutely ecstatic to see he had such an effect on you, seeing you smile so widely was all he ever needed.
"You are so cute."
--- I've reread this so many times to ensure it was as perfect as I could make it but I always thought there could be something worded better each time and at that rate I never would've posted this. I feel like this is kinda all over the place and I apologize if the writing is awkward at some points, this went on a lot longer than I intended. Yan josuke is so fun to write though. Also sorry for the strange/abrupt end, I had no idea how to end it.
#josuke higashikata x reader#josuke x reader#yandere josuke x reader#yandere josuke#yandere jjba#yandere x reader#josuke x you#josuke higashitaka#josuke x y/n#jjba x gn reader#jjba x reader#jojos bizarre adventure#Yandere josuke x gn reader#gender neutral reader#gn reader#tw yandere#yandere x gn reader#I still won't write kissing
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Re:vale LIVE 2023 WINTER FESTIVAL!! - 1st Intermission Talk (Part 1)
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3
Please note: I am NOT a professional and my level of JP is very, very basic. I do this for practice and to share with other fans for fun. Please take my translations with a grain of salt as there may be mistakes. If you see any, please let me know and I can correct them. If anyone else has this card and wants to translate this at any time then please feel free to do so!
Re:vale: Happy New Year, everyone!
Momo: I’m Momo!
Yuki: And I’m Yuki!
Momo: And together—!
Yuki: We’re Re:vale!
Audience: Kyaaaaa!!
Momo: Thank you for coming to the “Re:vale LIVE 2023 WINTER FESTIVAL!!” today!!
Momo: I’m ultra happy to be able to start the New Year off by seeing everyone! Let’s all make it the best year ever together!
Yuki: Our juniors have brought us through the spring, summer, and fall seasonal lives, so shall we tie it off?
Yuki: We’ll have to make it a worthy live to finish on. Can you all get excited with us?
Audience: Kyaaaaa!!
Momo: WHOA, so lively! It seems like you’re all ready to go!
Momo: Then to start us off, let’s show off our outfits!
Yuki: I’m sure everyone's curious about them, too.
Momo: If that’s the case, then here’s Momo-chan reporting from the scene!
Momo: Yuki-san, what are your thoughts on your new outfit? The word on the street is since it’s New Year's, it has a kimono design!
Yuki: That’s right. I quite like the feel of the fur. And best of all, the cloth covers everything but the face, so it’s a good way to keep from the cold.
Momo: Ahaha! I see! Then the new outfits are perfect against cold weather too!
Yuki: Yeah. It’s also perfect for stuffing warmers in the clothing.
Momo: That’s…. Shhh! That’s something secretive! It’s embarrassing to sing with such a cool face while having body warmers stuck everywhere!
Yuki: Then just scratch that.
Momo: You’re posing as if we can cut it out (1), but isn't this a live broadcast– or rather, a live concert?!
Yuki: ….. Momo, do you think I’m uncool with my warmers?
Momo: Never! Even with warmers covering your whole body, or if you're curled up into a tiny ball in front of a heater, Yuki is the most handsome man in the entire world!
Yuki: Fufu. It’s fine then.
Yuki: Next up, please tell us the points of your outfit you recommend, Momo.
Momo: Let’s seeee… I guess it’d be the mix of Japanese and Western clothing!
Momo: It’s hakama-style (2), but there’s a fur jacket on the top, plus the belt and chain and stuff is super fashionable right?
Momo: Although, it makes it a bit difficult to put on!
Yuki: Oh yeah. It took you quite some time to take off the gloves.
Momo: Exactly! During the fitting, I couldn’t even take them off by myself!
Momo: We really pulled and struggled to help each other undress!
Yuki: We had to get changed really quickly today so we had to get the staff to help us out.
Momo: It would’ve taken us way longer if we did it on our own!
Momo: But also, isn’t this stage amazing? Re:vale finally built a castle!
Yuki: It really is amazing.
Momo: So, this may be sudden, but here’s Momo-chan’s Quiz for Yuki!
Yuki: That really was sudden. What is it?
Momo: What’s my favorite thing about this stage?
Yuki: For this stage…?
Yuki: …. Isn’t it our castle? During our rehearsals, you looked really happy and took a lot of pictures.
Yuki: You were happy like you were lord of the castle.
Momo: You remembered me in so much detail, Yuki…. The points are through the roof…!
Momo: But… not quite!
Yuki: It's something else?
Momo: Of course I like the castle too, but… I like the snow (3) the most!
Yuki: Snow…?
Momo: I’m so happy I get to start the year singing on a snow-covered stage with Yuki!
Yuki: Fufu…. What a cute thing to say.
Yuki: In that case, the next time we do an outdoor concert we'll have to have some peach blossoms planted.
Yuki: Since I also want to sing on a peach-covered stage with Momo. (4)
Momo: Yuki……!
Yuki: Let’s have another live when the peach blossoms bloom. It should be a bit warmer than it is now.
Momo: You have a point! But, it’s still cold…… So for now, let us warm you up with our songs!
Momo: Next up will be a song that will slowly warm your hearts.
Yuki: “t(w)o…”
~End of Part 1.~
TL Notes:
This card has little chibi versions of the characters talking so their facial expressions and poses change, so during this part Chibi!Yuki is crossing his arms into an X, as if to say “Cut!”
Hakama is a traditional type of Japanese clothing that is worn over kimonos. You can find out more information about them here.
This is a play on words off of Yuki’s name since 雪 (yuki) means snow so there's a double meaning here.
Just like the previous note, this is a play on words off of Momo’s name now since 桃 (momo) means peach. The literal translation for this line would be something like “I also want to sing on a stage surrounded by Momo/peaches.” but I worded it to pair with Momo’s line before it so it would sound a little more natural while still keeping the double meaning.
And thank you @hunieday for helping me reword some of the lines~
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I was going through some posts I missed and came across the “tatsumi is mature but still does 19 year old things” and I just wanna say I’ve never been able to put it into words when my friends ask but like. That’s exactly what I love about this game.
We’ve got scandals and drama and weird crypto currencies and convoluted backstories of implied murder or identity theft or military shit or relations to underground gang activity or so SO much more and yet the writers still succeed in reminding you that this is a game full of high schoolers.
Natume was one of the five oddballs and suffered through so much during the war where it affects him to this day, but he also refers to his tech savvy and love of the occult as magic and loves the junior he “adopted” to death. Despite Aira struggling against every odd to become a real idol he still buys merch and looks on the internet to look for content of the ones he likes. Rinne was destined to become the monarch of his homeland but ran away in an attempt to find happiness and acceptance and is an amazing strategist who uses it to take down corruption, but his sense of humor is entirely made up of sex jokes and romantic teasing like Aira being “hiiro’s little girlfriend”. The amount of characters that assign themselves the mom friend role just because. Trickstar. I don’t think I need to explain Trickstar-
Like this game has made me cry so many times and it has its ridiculous moments but it also has its genuine ones while also being the most teenage shit I’ve seen in my life and I feel like so few media can balance those and still have a decent story like that. Sorry for the long ass post I just have so many feelings about this kind of stuff 😭
YEAH this is exactly what i was talking about in a previous ask when i said i have nothing meaningful to add to the enstars cast that isnt a headcanon . its all very well thought out and the interpersonal relationships are nuanced enough to feel realistic but outlandish enough to be interesting .
worldbuilding and character design is one of my special interests and i say this any chance i can get: the most important part of building a character (and a story in general) is realizing the importance of comedic irony and comedy as a whole regardless of genre or tone. it makes characters feel more 3 dimensional and relatable because people arent stagnant and theres multiple facets to any individuals personality (this is also why some of the most popular animes of all time have filler episodes or funny bits that show the characters personalities, every event hits with 3x emotional impact the more you know about the characters as people but that's a different discussion) enstars does a really good job of this . like for example if wataru were to have had a realistic reaction to eichi starting the war it wouldnt be nearly as good of a story. the fact that eichis ridiculous ass backwards plan to get wataru to fall in love with him actually worked is a perfect example of comedy used to make a story more interesting. another thing similar to this is how sometimes its better to not detail something and let characters do things for a mundane reason or even no reason at all . for example subaru hating chiaki just because he annoys him, or shinobu being on the broadcasting team despite his character not being associated with technology otherwise and therefore having no real backstory on why he likes radio stuff. its all really well planned worldbuilding with an insane amount of subtle details , which is why enstars is one of my favorite stories to analyze . the only thing i could possibly want more out of it is hardcore tragedy but thats entirely a personal preference rather than a critique because im a slut for catharsis and i love sad endings , especially ones where characters die . (don't worry im in therapy)
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I don't know if you've done this before: headcanons on Marty Junior and Marlene?
I'm almost positive I have done some sort of Junior and Marlene headcanon post, but I can't find it, so here are some off the top of my head. Gonna go with the versions of them that I imagine for the timeline that's fixed—where the Rolls Royce accident never happened—and Marty and Jennifer aren't miserable, lol. I think both Junior and Marlene would be more well adjusted in that one (especially Junior!)
• The difference in their personalities is evident to Marty and Jen pretty much from the start, with Marlene being the louder, more demanding of the twins and Junior being a much "easier" baby.
• They're extremely close, and Marlene naturally takes on the role of Junior's protector. Often, Marty and Jen have to remind Marlene to take a step back because she's being a little too much of a mother-hen to her brother, and they want Junior to learn to stand on his own two feet.
• Fixed-timeline Junior is quite different from the version of him in the 2015 we see in the movie. He's been raised in a more stable environment with a father who hasn't been defeated by life, so he's not the wimpy, scared little greasy guy who's easily pushed around. He's more sure of himself, not so easily frazzled, and is every bit as big-hearted as his father.
• Junior is not neurotypical. (How can he be? Look at Marty and George) I don't have a specific diagnosis in mind, but I know a draft of part II made reference to him being in a remedial school (and failing) so there's likely some learning disorder at play. In one of my Doctober chapters that include two-year-old versions of the twins, Clara's excited to learn that Junior has picked up a few new words—meanwhile, Marlene is using full sentences—so I do headcanon him as having been delayed in some areas.
[Side note: in that same scene, Doc tells Marty not to worry about Junior's progress, since Jules didn't start speaking until three-and-a-half, lol]
• Marty loves, loves, loves Marlene so much, but sometimes he thinks that she will be the death of him. Especially when she's young and full of sass and always getting into everything and he's struggling to keep up with her. He and Jen 100% lose Marlene in the mall on more than one occasion, and when they find her, she's just like, *shrug.*
• The twins have a special bond with Doc and Clara. Clara dotes on them but is especially close with Junior while Doc is closer to Marlene. When the kids are little and Marty and Jen feel like they're about to collapse from exhaustion, they dump Junior and Marlene at the Brown home and know they'll be well taken care of.
• As Marlene gets older, she's really into fashion, so she's close with her Aunt Linda. I can see Marlene being popular, but she's the type of popular girl who's liked by everyone. She has attitude, but she's not mean.
• Junior is just...Junior. He loves life and is out there doing his thing. He's the type who has a new hobby or interest every week, and Marty and Jen just have to roll with it. He walks in from school one day and goes, "I'm going to be a famous dancer, I decided" and then a week later says, "I want to learn to build a car" and they're just like, "Oh. Okay."
• I think they'd both try to learn an instrument at some point (likely guitar taught by Marty) but I can't decide if either of them would stick with it long term. Somehow, I don't see them being musicians.
• There's a part of me that wants to say an older Marlene eventually learns about time travel and all the wild stuff Marty went through. Idk how it would happen, though. Maybe she overhears something whispered between her parents in private or maybe she's just very perceptive and notices her father being weird about certain events in his life, so she corners him and is like, "Okay, Dad, spill the beans." Perhaps she's also put together some clues in all her time spent with Doc.
Thats about all I've got for now. Thanks for the ask!
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what are ur fav useless hcs. about kevin or anyone from aftg :) like they aren’t really significant but just little things you like to think about. bc i have so many but no one ever talks about theirs and im curious if you have any!
YAY i love this question and also feel free to send me yours too i think useless hcs are really fun
i think renee is a fast and furious fan and an action movie enthusiast….. in the first kevjean fic i’ve ever written there was a scene where she sat jean down and made him watch half of the fast and furious franchise with her and he hated it so bad but he couldnt tell her that so he just sat there very awkwardly the whole time. and renee knew he hated it but she loves the damn movies so much she thought it was a worth it sacrifice. i also love a dyslexia/adhd hc for renee, i think she has a hard time in academia and has a really really really fickle attention span. if you put jean and renee in the same room they might be able to finish a short book between them but its going to take at least 8 hours because they're going to get sidetracked talking to each other about dumb stuff
ex smoker jeremy is still real and beloved in my heart... i think he quit cold turkey in his junior year and it still gets him more often than not, but he's trying and that's all that matters
neil shoplifts on instinct. doesnt even think twice of it
kevin actually HATES the gym. he will not confess to this in any way shape or form but he genuinely hates it. its so early in the morning and the movements are so repetitive and its so boring. in evermore at least there was the threat of getting beaten up if he didnt do his sets right, but in psu its just plain boring. he will still go but he will hate every second. get this man to a court now
jean is horrible with performing small actions :) i think he has big shaky hands that struggle w the minutiae of any process ever. you do NOT want to ask this man to put thread through a needle or give you an injection or pack you a bowl or even light your cigarette. the #irreversible damage of multiple head injuries
also do let me know urs cause i also love hearing about this kind of stuff! i love small hcs... save me mundane realities of life. save me characters with little details
#if you combine jeans shaky hands with the gym you get a man who almost broke kevins foot in evermore three different times bc of#dropping weights#ITS HARD OUT HERE..........................#also i think renee is such an adrenaline junkie but she knows its bad for her so she lives vicariously thru fast and furious#renee when she has a bad day: oh vin diesel we're really in it now#this is less of a tiny hc but i actually think renee is really good w being alone? i feel like shes really good at enjoying her own company#stephanie couldnt be around her all the time so she learned how to entertain herself#so i think shes one of those people that dont ever get lonely at all. she loves the world so bad and it loves her back#shes very mary oliver saying time spent alone is still time spent w the world#asks#renee#kevin#jean#neil#jeremy
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i think one of the big things that's missing from junior year is the party checking in on one another. the bad kids make for a phenomenal adventuring party, but they fail to check in on each other (which could be a matter of 'we're a party, we don't have to!'; believe me, i've been there as a PC). they obviously help one another out with big ticket issues, like cassandra and kristen and fig and gorgug's grades...whatever might affect the overall health of the party.
brennan seems to be mining for the small moments (riz and sklonda's conversation seemed like an action trigger for the others, his delighted reaction to the accidental fig-turned-gorgug gift to riz, how eager he was for fabian to take a rage token in order to destroy a personal relationship).
i think, because - for instance - adaine and fabian are doing well, superficially, there's no focus on their loneliness or monetary struggles (of course, adaine hasn't opened up about this, so there's only so much to be said there...but she also went from very rich to very poor very quickly in a way that is noticeable...). it's not a top priority, and the usual NPCs that would be around to do the checking in aren't there. fabian's stuff gets played as a bit constantly as well. which is like, that's fine to a point, it's a comedy show! they're all comedians and improvisers! but 10 episodes in and fabian and adaine are only opening up to mazey (newly introduced) and aelwyn (newly reformed - this one i'm not particularly fussed over, i want them to have a relationship)...feels not WEIRD, just strange. and the bit can only stay funny so long before it's just sad (fabian fabian oh fabian). there's always a bit of truth to every just kidding, or however that silly phrase goes.
they're so resistant to talking to one another (maybe because they're used to brennan's NPCs) and i wonder about that, if it'll come to a head or if it won't come to anything at all.
#fhjy#fantasy high junior year#let's talk about it#i also want i say i understand it's a show and plot and mystery take priority but i also feel like this would be THEE season for them to#open up. even the seven had their check in moments!
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Opinions under the cut. May include spoilers from any of the shows.
Dimension 20 Burrow's End: I didn't manage to finish it before Fantasy High Junior Year started so it's kind of on the back burner for D20 shows. I really enjoy it though. I like that all the PCs are family and that makes for interesting dynamics. It's more scary than Neverafter imo just because taking something normal like nature and messing with it is more creepy. Aabriya does a great job as DM obviously.
Dimension 20 Fantasy High Junior Year: Fantasy High got me into Dimension 20 so I'm very excited for this one. It's going to be interesting to see the Bad Kids' personal struggles and how they deal with them. Episode 2 made me feel bad for what they're going through.
Spy x Family: Spy x Family is always a nice chill show. Season 2 was very good and I liked seeing Yor in action.
Kekkai Sensen/Blood Blockade Battlefront: Trying to find the motivation to continue watching this. I just feel like it isn't going anywhere with the plot or the characters and that's a shame because the concept of Hellsalem's Lot and Libra's members are interesting. They just introduced the threat of vampires so maybe that will pick up and I need to watch a little more, but I'm a little bored.
The Apothecary Diaries: This is what I put Kekkai Sensen on pause for. A little hesitant because most of what I'd seen of it was romance and usually romance only really intrigues me if it's balanced with something else. The palace setting and the different situations that Maomao applies to her apothecary knowledge to are the perfect balance. The romance mostly takes a backseat to it actually. I like Maomao a lot as the protagonist. She's smart and has a realistic take on a lot of things, especially since she's lower class. I enjoy watching her figure things out.
Hazbin Hotel: I watched the pilot last year and got really invested in Hazbin Hotel which is lucky because some people have been waiting much longer to get more of the show. I watched all four episodes the day they were released and liked them a lot. A lot more songs than I thought there would be but I liked most of them. Favorites go to Respectless, Poison, and Stayed Gone. I think episode four was the best because it had the best balance of overlord plot with hotel shenanigans. It think it handled Angel Dust's situation well too. It also made me like Husker a lot more than I thought I would. The voice actors did a great job and the animation was really good.
I do believe you still need to watch the pilot before the stuff on Amazon though. It does a better job of introducing the world, characters, and hotel plot where the new episodes then pick up. I'm not sure if that's what the creators want, but it might be confusing for newcomers to the show if they don't know about the pilot. Very excited to see more Hazbin Hotel though.
#pbear polls#polls#d20#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#burrow's end#spy x family#kekkai sensen#blood blockade battlefront#the apothecary diaries#hazbin hotel
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hi it's time for a dive into * .✧ ro's ancient oushirou art ✧. * on this lovely oushiversary!!
(aka i don't wanna reblog any of this art directly from the source bc a number of the posts include my old name ^_^ also there's a lot and i'm already spamming y'all with old art KJNASFKJN)
↑ early college era -- still hadn't taken coloring classes, but i had taken anatomy classes and was using my favorite boy as practice outside of classwork :o)
↑ that first one was from when i was drawing my own dakimakura cover bc i figured honeybee would never deliver on an official one (and also a nod to the fact that i had just had my first taste of nutella and it broke my brain (positive)). and i could be wrong but i thiiiink the second one was around when the official one was announced...? maybe?
i just needed a daki so badly. when i FINALLY got my hands on the daki cover, pillows of that size weren't standard over here, so i actually had to make my OWN dakimakura by sewing two standard pillows together... in a larger case comprised of a sheet... which i did all by hand bc i didn't have my sewing machine at the dorm... i was Committed. 😊👍🏻✨
↑ The Sillies. i'm saving everyone from being subjected to all of the oushipug drawings but. ousheep.... ough... and i included the third one in my nick-gave-me-a-pass-to-gush post, but i'm putting it here too bc. it's cute. :3c
↑ practicing with the yoh yoshinari sections in the PSG design books. good stuff, highly recommend taking a look if you're into very interesting western-japanese animation style mixes.
↑ shortly after getting my hands on after winter -- the bouquet is a drawing of a scene from his route ;w; he's so sweet... and so clumsy... top left is from the time when i was watching the end of clannad during all-nighters while working on assignments. can you tell just from that sentence that i was Quite Unwell at the time? KJASNFKJN. (still love miku!oushirou so much tho. honestly love this style. i want to study my art from around this time at some point, maybe regain some things that were uhhh Firmly Discouraged, to put it nicely, during my later college years.)
↑ doodle dumps! first one is from shortly after playing AW, second is from maybe... junior year with a couple from sophomore year? just a lot of style practice. third is mostly from the end of college when i was. struggling kJNASFJKN. SCAD Profs I Will Not Name made me feel like shit for drawing "too anime", then a couple of years later said their "anime" students were their favs, so my style was. very mixed and not confident. skjdnf.
↑ random gifs! wish i could find it, but i also have one somewhere of him blasting off team rocket-style KJASNKDJN and another of him getting scared from a horror game? movie?
↑ first anniversary pic!! and a reblog meme of "draw your favorite character wearing what you're wearing right now", and i was dressed to drive down the street for some late night gas station food w roommates.
↑ selfship-before-selfship "wife blog" art from 12yrs ago!! kazuaki, the series's artist, has drawn catboy oushirou in design docs before, so he'll sometimes pop up in my art as well ksjdnfnkj. also, naturally, self insert art babey. and he's being a little asshole ksjnd.
↑ the one on the left is like. right around when i graduated?? the one in the middle was for his bday, probably 2020, when i was just starting to get back into art, the one on the right is a college sketch that i redrew as practice to ease myself back into drawing in 2020.
↑ bday cupcakes for the bday boy!!!! around like. 2013 or 2014? i used to do a lot of baking for his bdays before i had dietary restrictions kJNASKJFN, though i sometimes sneak a little treat in on his bday if i can find one.
maybe as i sift through posts on my old blog i'll collect all of the weird art i've done and post them in chunks like this. nice way to put them someplace without spamming people with old curiosities ksjdnfk.
(credit)
#maybe i should redraw some of these kjdnkjn. to show the growth.#it'd be fun to draw miku!oushirou with more realistic proportions.#and i have an even older 'draw ur fav' with oushi so i'd have a 2011? + 2012/13 + 2024 comparison going ksjdnf#i'd also like to try small and simple animations for some of my f/os :3c animal ears and tails..... hehe.....#📌 [ my posts. ]#🎨 [ 046 art. ]#📷 [ phantom hearts. ]#🐐 [ been up all night. ]#❄️ [ as the snow melts. ]#food -#clusters -#<- of flowers#[ oushiversary. ]
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A Night In Tokyo With Mick Schumacher and A Mercedes 190E Evo II
Driving around Tokyo is daunting. With no centre or suburbs, its road network is huge, spiralling, occasionally latticed and sometimes subterranean. At times, even Mr Roboto in the satnav gives up and shrugs directions your way. Which has happened. Meaning I'm lost while leading Mick Schumacher (behind the wheel of a stunning Mercedes 190E 2.5-16 Evolution II) through Japan's neon-lined labyrinth.
It's a hot, humid evening and Mercedes F1's reserve driver (and son of iconic seven-time Formula One world champion Michael Schumacher) is cutting the perfect shape of a 90s boyband member. Where I'm perspiring like a burst pipe, he palms back his blonde curls and looks effortlessly cool in his loose-fitting, oversized Tommy Hilfiger contractual clobber. Sartorially, it couldn't be more of a perfect fit for the car he's driving.
Born out of German touring cars, the Evo II is a deeply lustworthy, boxy and bewinged sports saloon. With a revvy, induction-tastic 232bhp four-cylinder engine mated to a dog leg close-ratio five-speed manual, rear-wheel drive and aero appendages that get petrolheads salivating, it's a proper tip one's hat 'if you know, you know' car.
Mercedes only built 502 of them (as per DTM's homologation rules) out of some 1.9 million W201 models that it's based on, so they're properly rare beasts. The fact we've got a quadruplet of Evos following Mick makes the situation we're in a bit more mind-blowing. But that's the plan. We wanted to give Mick an evening to remember, to take him away from the repetition and rigmarole of modern media junkets. We don't want to know where he keeps his ketchup, or when the last time he thought of the Roman Empire was. We want to indulge his love for cars.
"I went looking for an Evo II to buy but decided against it… for now," Mick says in his soft, geographically hard to place international accent. "It's a beautiful car and has huge sentimental value to me, the main reason being that my dad had one as a company car when he was a Mercedes junior. He spent a lot of time doing lots of laps on the Nordschleife with Heinz-Harald Frentzen. I remember within a month they had to change the brake pads and things with the engine. So it's an emotionally important car to me."
Growing up in Gland, Switzerland, Mick struggles to pinpoint exactly when he got bitten by the road car bug. "Honestly, I don't really know where I got into them. Driving them around the property as a child was a big factor. The first time I had a steering wheel in my hand from a road car was maybe four or five years old, on my dad's lap. I got to drive very nice cars, very soon and very early. I guess it just grew naturally. Especially when I turned 18; then it really turned into an obsession."
Raised on a healthy diet of racing, the Fast and Furious franchise and gaming, Mick picked up a penchant for JDM cars by proxy. "I just love how raw and simple they are," he says. "I enjoy playing around with them, changing stuff, tuning them and making them more fun to drive."
Knowing this, we head out of Tokyo towards Chiba to meet Japan's most inconspicuous bad boy: Kazuhiko 'Smokey' Nagata. Tobacco and turbo enthusiast Smokey is one of Japan's legendary tuners. He and his company Top Secret have modified every generation of Nissan GT-R, including an R33 Skyline GT-R that managed 0–186mph in 17 seconds at Yatabe test track and 204mph in Tokyo's famous Aqualine tunnel. Like Smokey, Mick is also a GT-R fanboy, with some tucked away in a shed at home, including his R34 drift car.
"I've really got into drifting. As an F1 driver, drifting, or oversteer, is the opposite of what you want to do, but if you control it and have the feel for it, it can really help you. So I took the step of saying 'I want to try it' after the 2019 Race of Champions skill race.
I was quite good, finishing second against rally drivers and everything, so I thought, 'Okay, maybe I should try this a bit more,' so I got my own car and started enjoying sideways. I love the sensation of connecting turns and being in a difficult situation, because obviously the car is upset, to then be able to control it. I think that's what's so intriguing. It's a good feeling."
Mick's curiosity and JDM love resonates as he wanders around Smokey's GT-R littered shop. Not being able to speak Japanese, Mick uses international hand signals for car nuts to explain various car parts, gets out his phone to show Smokey his cars before stumbling upon Smokey's VR32 GT-R (an R32 with all the mechanics and interior of the R35 transplanted) and trying to find a way to import it into Switzerland. But we've got no time for this, as we've got the legendary Bayshore Route to hit and a car meet to get to.
For someone so young, 24-year-old Mick is at a rather quiescent point in his career. Having had a triumphant run in his youth coming second in karting in the World, European and German Junior Championships, then switching to Formula 4 in 2015 and finishing second overall in both the German and Italian F4 championships, before becoming European Formula 3 Champion in 2018 and FIA Formula 2 Champion in 2020, Mick made it to the big leagues and bagged himself a seat in F1 with Haas.
It wasn't easy. In 2022 Mick lost his seat after a difficult second season that saw him struggle to match teammate Kevin Magnussen for form. He recorded a best finish of sixth in Austria, one of two points finishes during the season, but it was not enough to save his seat. For 2023, Mick dropped his Ferrari junior ties and linked up with Mercedes (the last team his father raced for in F1), picking up the role of reserve driver.
"Being a reserve driver gives you tremendous insight, especially at Mercedes," Mick says. "I miss driving, I'm not going to lie, but the main thing I've learned since moving from Haas to Mercedes is how the team operates, the tools they have, how they use them and the communication. They're big learning points. It has opened my eyes in a lot of ways and has made it clear why Mercedes is as successful as it is. The worst part is sitting in the garage and seeing everybody drive out and do what you love to do."
Part of Mick's remit is to join Mercedes trackside at all F1 race. That's how we're able to blat around Tokyo for a night before he heads to Suzuka to support the team. But time in Merc's state-of-the-art sim back in Brackley is also key. Mick was praised by Mercedes' technical director James Allison for a 2 am shift he did during the British GP weekend, turning the car's "woeful" one-lap pace on Friday into a competitive car and set-up for Lewis Hamilton and George Russell to compete with during quali and the race on Sunday.
With every mile behind the Evo II's wheel, Mick's smile grows to match the width of its monstrous rear wing, especially when he realizes it shoots flame on the overrun after a 7,600 rpm toll booth roll out. We cross over to Yokohama and swirl down a concrete pillared plughole, arriving in an unsuspecting parking lot that doubles up as the epicentre of cool Japanese car culture in Japan: Daikoku PA. Mick, having never been to a car meet before, has his eyes widened.
Even though it's a school night, the place is pumping. Mick walks around curiously, showing his girlfriend, Danish model Laila Hasanovic, Veilside-kitted Mazda RX-7s, how riveted wide arch Liberty Walk bodywork hangs from an R35 GT-R for the ultimate kerbside stance, and the extended provenance from the flood of awesome, rare Mercedes (including the original 190E Evo I, an AMG-clad W124 and a custom Cosworth 2.5 boasting Penta wheels and Brabus brakes) that are all parked honourably in their uniform herringbone bays. As Mick gets under the bonnets and kindly signs carbon airboxes for marginally hysterical owners, I wonder if he's handy with the spanners.
"I wish I was," he says, "but I don't have the time. I'm starting to bring more of my cars over to my place so that I eventually will be able to work on them myself and change things that I want to change. Currently, I am very good at taking things apart… maybe less gifted at putting them back together."
But since the meteoric rise of social media and documentaries like Netflix's Drive to Survive, racing drivers' personalities have been mainlined into public consciousness. Nowadays, it appears drivers' human interests need to be put on display like the plastic dishes outside Daikoku's service station restaurant windows. Yet here, tonight, Mick seems completely at home and relaxed.
"It's risky because I feel like I'm a very private person. I like my privacy. Sometimes when you get people wanting to know more, they get a bit too snoopy. I feel it should be my choice how much I share, and what I share, not people trying to figure that out for me."
In this job you get to sniff out the car nuts from the blaggers, and Mick's passion is palpable. It's refreshing to see, and a welcome break from the headlines and hearsay currently surrounding him given he's caught in a gloopy limbo where F1 politics, money and raw talent are all currently fighting each other to work out where he'll race next.
As I type, Mick's currently linked with an LMDh drive with Alpine in next year's World Endurance Championship, a move Mercedes F1's big boss Toto Wolff is fine with, as Mick is "part of the family" and "will always have a home."
Mick's tone becomes more forlorn when talking about the future, obviously having had a tough few years and aching to get back into an F1 car. I wonder if it takes its toll, and how he pushes through in times of uncertainty.
"Having the right people around you," he says. "You need to try and be mentally in the right space and try and get the best out of the situation so that you can, whenever it's necessary, be in the position that you can jump in and be ready to go."
After an evening with Mick, you can't help but wish him the best of luck. If all else fails, he could always lean into drifting and see where that takes him. Sideways Schuey. Has a good ring to it, doesn't it?
#mick schumacher#f1#formula 1#japanese gp 2023#fic ref#fic ref 2023#japan#japan 2023#japan 2023 thursday#not a race#2023 not a race#between singapore and japan 2023#tw food#cw food#tw smoking#with michael#childhood photos
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introduction (^_-)☆
(i have to rewrite this, because when i saved this as a draft, it for some reason didn't save :/ god, i'm gonna have a LOT to paraphrase.)
[disclaimer: this is a parody/roleplay account. nothing said on this account reflects my views or opinions, unless stated otherwise. the character being played on this account is fictional.]
the owner of this account is a minor, so if you do not wish to interact with minors, then please block this account.
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hello!! i'm the account owner, ruben @lu-ben!! this post is an introduction to what this account (and it's purpose) is — a roleplay account!!
; all things said on this account (whether it sounds like a real experience or not, uses real images or not) are said from in-character, unless there is an "ooc:" indication anywhere on the post!!
[ in-character posts: #ic | out-of-character posts: #ooc ]
— i am a part of @anabananaz34's roleplay!!
now, the oc being played as on this account isn't actually a class of '09 oc (it's just a general purpose oc), but me, and by extension, my friends have been BRAINROTTING over this game*, so of course i had to do what i had to do.
(the brainrot has been dying out lately, maybe this will help)
*note: matter of fact, i actually haven't played class of '09 (or the re-up). i've just watched loads of clips/highlights from the game and did extended research (and even then, i don't know stuff!), so please just keep that in mind :)
you'll (probably) come to realise this once you open the cut with my oc's information and image, but i haven't roleplayed with other humans — let alone through tumblr rp accounts — in a VERY LONG TIME (and this isn't an exaggeration, unfortunately). all this time, i've been living off of chatbots. so please cut me some slack if i sound a little stupid when rping!!
part of the reason i struggle to rp with other humans is also because i partially tend to feel ignored or excluded, so if you'd prefer i stay out of something, please drop me a dm so i can stay informed!! thank you!! :D
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on the topic of asks...
you may ask questions to:
- iskan (the oc being roleplayed)
- ooc/ruben (the owner)
you may ask questions as:
- yourself (includes self-rp)
- a canon class of '09 character
- an oc (whether co09/other media/general)
i have the right to ignore your ask if:
- i cannot come up with a response or answer (some questions directed at iskan may not be applicable, as he might not be fleshed out to that degree, e.g. "what's your favourite country?")
- i do not want to answer the question (questions that might be personal, or just rub me the wrong way)
- if the contents of the question are straight up weird (i.e. disrespectful, harassment, racist, bigoted, etc.)
i've seen several co09 rp accounts state that they receive (and heavily dislike) weird asks. i'm not gonna fuel your trollery or weird fetishes, because that isn't what this account is for.
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so, who is this guy, anyways...? ↓
✨ iskandar komnenos ✨
(please forgive me for the roblox faceclaim, i barely have any good drawings of him other than the image used in my pfp 😭😭)
the basic things you really need to know about him is that he's a british-bengali exchange student. as part of a 2-year exchange program, he has to study and graduate at the lbss clone for his 3rd-4th years (junior/senior, so if he was in britain he would've been doing his a-levels. also i'm sorry, i don't know how exchange programs work 😔)
i'm like "ehh..." on fanart, but if you wanna do it then go ahead!! (i won't use it for anything, though. will probably just treat it as gallery-work and reblog it under some sort of fanart tag).
---
he's kind of a sona or self-insert in some regards, but he isn't meant to be a representation or idealised version of me, so don't hold that shit against me!! 😁 he is very well a fictional character, and an oc!!
if you wanna read about him, then i've made an altered version of his description on a google doc BUT IT'S VERY LONG AND UGLY AND CLUTTERED!! (##ISKANDAR'S INFORMATION##)
just so you know, the reason some things are written weirdly or in flexible language are because the information was originally intended to be used with ai chatbots, but if this (alongside the account's posts) help you to understand what he's like, then so be it.
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THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK!! and i hope i'll make a very great addition amongst the drama and chaos :)
#class of '09#class of 09#co09#class of 09 game#class of 09 the re up#co09 rp accounts#co09 oc#class of 09 rp#co09 rp account#class of 09 the reup
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Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors
Thanks for the tag @goldheartedchaoticdisaster :D
1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?
Writing fanfic was something I just started doing because I wanted to have more Voyager stories about Seven of Nine when I was still pretty young. Actually posting up fanfics I'd written? Junior High, I think - so preteens/early teens - when a friend introduced me to the wonderful world of Fanfiction.net; I started reading fic and worked up the courage to actually post my own after a bit.
2. How many fandoms have you written in?
51? I think? It's at least that many, anyway.
3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?
I joined FFnet in 2002 so let's just go with 22 years. I did write some stuff before that, but none of it was posted and all of it is lost.
4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?
I read more, but I certainly do write a lot. :D
5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?
I've gotten a lot better at world building. But also establishing initial characterizations and making character growth make sense.
6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?
Not necessarily weird, but I've looked up information on various degrees and how long they take to complete as well as different types of power of attorney - yes, there is more than one! - and the different ways they apply.
7. What’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?
I like the comments that have reactions to different parts of the fic/chapter and maybe favorite quotes as they read along. Those are the types of comments I like to leave most too.
8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?
Lol, does writing a Fringe/Flash crossover fic count? ;)
I've got some pretty rare pairs that I've written for - Reverb/HR and Savitar/Reverb and Savitar/Eobard are probably the most rare thus far but I find I enjoy the challenge of rare pairs that are of the ships that pass in the night variety so I may wind up with more very rare pairs as time goes on.
There's been a few experimental-ish fics I've written, like Spiral which… I'm not really sure how to describe the style for that fic.
9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?
I struggled a lot with the ending to You Must Live (For Me) because it was a bad guys win fic and so I knew from the start I'd be killing off Iris. But it was still difficult to do.
So overall I think fics that kill off main characters in some way? I don't write that often, but even just the aftermath of such a thing can be really difficult to write. Grief is just… hard to write because it hurts so much.
10. What is the easiest type?
Fluffy, silly fics. Things like Buzz Buzz often just flow easily because they're silly and fun.
But often also fics that address things I feel strongly about. Not always - sometimes I get in my own way with those fics - but sometimes that strong emotion will just carry me through writing something until suddenly I have an entire fic. Seeress was definitely one of those where replaying the ending of Final Fantasy 13-2 where the bad guy has basically pulled a 'heads I win, tails you lose' scenario (which the final game rectifies) had me speculating on how some of the foreshadowing in the game indicated there could have been a different ending to things.
11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?
On my computer - though a tablet + keyboard combo will do in a pinch. Rarely on a notebook these days because I can't guarantee I'll find the motivation to transcribe it later, though notebooks are a good place for making story notes instead of fic writing.
I'll typically use LibreOffice because it's easy to use and free. I'll also use Notion, which has a free tier and is good for when I want to be able to work on a fic from my tablet or on a different computer from usual.
For my sins… sometimes I'll write a fic directly into Ao3's editor.
12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?
I'm trying to get better at making 'one day' become 'today' when it comes to this sort of thing. I feel like my Flash/Fringe crossover series falls into this because what I want to do for the series is ambitious and so while I don't want to bite off more than I can write (as it were), I don't want to keep putting it off because it makes me worry I won't do it justice. I won't do it anything at all if I don't at least try.
13. What made you choose your username?
My sister picked it out when she helped me make my first email account as a kid and I've been partial to it ever sense. Kitkatt0430 is in many ways as much my name now as my real name. I've used it for FFnet, my short lived attempt at Live Journal, Ao3, Tumblr (though I have Starstruckpurpledragon here too), and a few other places.
@sophiainspace @coldflasher @incorrectcoldflashblog @terrie01 @fezwearingjellybananas & anyone who wants to play :D
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grumpy shit under fold
Feeling so fucking crushed tbh. Maybe it's the 2:30am insomnia (which isn't that bad I know). Maybe it's the general feeling of having Too Much to do.
I had like a genuinely really positive day at work - a client fed back how great I was, in front of my head of department. My juniors said they were happy how the project went. This is genuinely huge, because I love love this job, and I am still in probation and I want to pass.
And I tried to celebrate myself! And it gets met with "well duh of course you'll pass probation" like okay haha yeah probably but. I haven't sold anything in, and I'm about five skills behind everyone else on my level. I've never managed anyone before, and it's been over a year since I worked with advertisers directly.
Then we had a great MOTW game, but I felt like I was struggling with my character class cause it didn't feel like it fit the character I wanted play. The keeper said we could change characters at this point, so I was looking, and my friend was looming over my shoulder and I felt so pressured and stressed
I know it's really stupid to get stressed about a ttrpg. I like doing them with my friends, DND is amazing, but I am finding it difficult to relax at all right now, and feel loads of weird pressure.
I also just straight up can't fucking read - no glasses, no energy, and background noise of people talking and I literally stop being able to follow lines horizontally. I can read the individual words, but it's like my eyes won't move side to side anymore.
So I was like struggling to read the different options and I felt embarrassed about it, and they were looming and I love this friend but they can be Very opinionated about what other people should do so I was like "I'm just looking right now" like dude I'm sick, it's after midnight, I don't own a rulebook of this and I can't fucking read so it's taking all my energy. He gets rejection sensitive
So he leaves me, everyone is chatting, I'm looking. I decide now isn't the time and I can stick the class out and maybe the character will die soon, and I can start again anyway. It'll be fun.
But then everyone is like convincing me I should change?? And then my friend just says "you just can't be bothered"
And it just flicked the switch in my brain and now I'm lying awake in The Hole like
Yeah I'm lazy piece of shit.
There is so much stuff I haven't got done. And everyone knows. Like. I haven't painted the ceiling yet, or rode my bike, or cleaned the alleyway, or combined my pensions, or booked a holiday, or vacuumed the bedroom since last week, or changed the sheets, or sorted the laundry, or finished my privacy certificate at work, or emailed that client about their backfill, or worked on my novel, or contacted the Brighton writing group, or meal prepped that chicken, or been to the gym three times this week.
And people keep asking me, and I haven't done it, whatever it is, cause I'm a lazy piece of shit.
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edelweiss and camellia
edelweiss - how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?
i've had jane hirshfield's poem the falling saved on my phone since august 13th, 2023 (i looked it up lol), and i've always been really enamored with (and perhaps related rather hard to) the imagery of the first two lines. when i went to make this blog, i couldn't think of anything terribly clever and f1 related, but i was on a really strong poetry kick and remembered the falling. those first two lines really are like narratively how i kind of think about f1 and ambition, so. now i know more abt f1 and could probably come up with something funny but eh. i like this, i feel like it's very on brand.
camellia - what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?
i've always been very much so me, i think. that sentence doesn't make a whole lot of sense but hopefully you get it. like, talkative, over the top, loud, but also intelligent with no common sense, wildly curious about the world, quick to anger and even quicker to laugh, that kind of thing. all stuff i would still describe current me with. i used to get in trouble for doing experiments using random shit in our house and reading under the covers or my desk dajflkdfjlaj. but i was also Insanely Insecure about all of it. got called obnoxious a few too many times, or whatever. so i'd like be my loud and sharp self and then immediately regret my entire life and retreat inwards. had a looooot of self esteem issues and anxiety, and walked on eggshells everywhere trying not to take up any space. gradually from like 17-19 and then all at once at 20 i decided to fully embrace it. like, being annoying, and a bitch, whatever else i get called, has gotten me this far in life, has gotten me into trouble and out of trouble and brought me all sorts of friendship, so i might as well fully claim it? i didn't super notice this, or at least i didn't think it was a very drastic change, but my mom picked me up from college at the end of junior year (right after i had gotten dumped during finals week) and she was like "im so glad you came here, you've really changed. you're so much happier and more confident" like damn mom. from the woman who was like "just remember you struggled to make friends in high school so college might take a while" when i started school LOL
ask meme
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