something i will never be able to recover from is the fact that debbie gallagher and mandy milkovich, two characters who both oversexualized themselves and thought that their bodies were the only thing that made them worth anything, are often talked about in the fandom as “annoying, but i like them because they’re hot”.

I’ve been having some Thoughts™️ about the weird meta paradox of gerri kellman’s sexuality. as basically The Older Woman on the executive floor she’s trying as much as is possible to blend in with her male colleagues while also not being perceived to be doing so. muted colours and understated makeup. a competent filing cabinet. her husband is dead and her daughters are nameless. she was sexual once but that’s out of sight out of mind and now it’s just the work. it must be a relief in some ways to become finally unfuckable because you’re over 40. she can finally be taken seriously, but only if she toes the line between being too female and not female enough. trying but not too hard. desirable in the past tense only. an honorary man but still in a skirt. and while the men around her can fuck their much younger assistants and get sports massages and run a sex trafficking ring on a cruise ship, she is the job and only the job and that keeps her safe. for a bit anyway.

the irony of gerri saving the company from the full legal extent of a sex scandal by dating someone from the DOJ??? like i’ll never be over it. even filing cabinets have to flatter and please and fuck when called upon. i genuinely don’t believe any of the other execs could have swung it because they’re not women. she dated laurie (generally unseen unless framed from another man’s possessive perspective) to save the men from going to jail for covering up rape allegations. the irony is delicious. and even though she did that, she’s discarded once she’s framed sexually. Dick Pic Gate was out of her control and yet when confronted with any element of gerri’s sexuality (even her PASSIVE sexuality, even after using it to save his company), logan dismisses her as weak or impractical or failing or whatever other excuse he uses to justify his disgust.

i would argue that roman’s interest in gerri is not in spite of but BECAUSE of her asexual framing. it’s a challenge that he’s never going to win which is ideal for his impotency issues; he can push and push and get the thrill out of it, out of the fucked up power dynamic, but he knows he’ll never have to actually fuck her. it’s all hypothetical: down a phone, through a door, half-joking, covered in sensible skirt suits. gerri’s deliberate lack of sexualizing is counterintuitively a turn-on for roman. and i bet the game of chicken they play is freeing for her too because the fact that she has to be professional and cannot be sensual is part of the fun of it. “roman is weird about gerri”. “it’s fucking disgusting”. not because of their family history, or their professional positions, but because she’s old. because the absence of her sexuality is enough of a presence to be off-putting. shiv patronising her about it as a power play is so weird because she’s talking to her simultaneously like a child and like an old woman, and gerri, agency-less, just has to keep reassuring her “i can cope”.

BUT it’s worse than that because it’s so meta. Because gerri is hot. her actor is attractive and like roman, many people watching find her sexless, no-nonsense framing to be titillating. me included. what if roman likes gerri not because of oedipal issues but just because she’s hot and god forbid we find a woman over 50 hot? but whether or not gerri is hot in the context of the show shouldn’t be a big deal, she should have been able to escape this by now!!! she’s in her 60s she’s a widow she’s tired stop sexualizing her!!! but don’t NOT sexualize her either because that’s problematic too and old women can be hot and old women shouldn’t have to be hot and suddenly i’m making gerri do what waystar does and exist as something sexual and non-sexual at the same time. she has a huge plotline in which she’s essentially a sex object. whether or not gerri is fuckable is talked about as much in the show with mildly-disgusted fascination as it is in the real world!!! she can’t win she’s hot she’s old she’s sexually framed she’s deliberately trying not to be she wants sex she doesn’t want sex she’s covering sex with sex and she’s telling roman to leave her alone so she can just do her damn job because she knows that this is what will bring her down!!! sex scandals historically don’t get men fired but an unsolicited dick pic knocks gerri off her podium in logan’s head forever. even now i’m talking about it at such length because i’ve given it so much thought!!! she’s the only woman in the old guard and she’s one of the most sexualized characters in succession. but only as a joke. in the abstract. never actually. because that would be weird. right?

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ body party, sensei!zoro (nsfw)

lora’s note: so ghetto 🙄 repost for kazuha 🤍 @roronoaswifey

thinking about sensei!zoro, a master swordsman who taught weekend classes to whoever wanted to learn the art and craft of swordsmanship. roronoa zoro, renowned the nation’s best swordsman. almost no one knew what he did during his free time, except that he ran a secret and private martial arts gym to a select few of individuals in his class—all joined by some referral of a past member.

you were his newest addition. invited by your friend, she knew how much you needed to destress from all the problems in your life. you’d signed up on the very last day zoro was still accepting members, being the last and final one to walk through the door of the underground gym.

from the way you tried to quietly sneak in the back of the class, already twenty minutes late from being lost, zoro never missed the way you struggled to keep up with the other women who mirrored his stance almost as good as his. first were the stretches. he took a lot of time to make sure no one caught cramps mid-training, so he always spent at least an hour on it every session.

you’re caught in the back, too busy trying to see his tall figure behind all the moving women demonstrate the next move, but get confused when there’s nobody up front anymore.

“make sure to extend your limbs, you wanna feel your muscles stretch in your body,” his voice startles you as you try your hardest to mirror the women in front of you.

you laugh nervously. “i’m not so flexible,” you weren’t so good at your balance either, you didn’t miss the way the other women laughed at your inability to keep up. they were much more fit, able to stand in heinous positions for long amounts of times. a large hand is placed on your abdomen and another on your back.

“don’t look at them,” sensei!zoro instructs. “just breathe.” with a nod of your head, you do as told with his hands supporting you up. “you’re new to the class. i don’t expect you to master something like armament so easily, especially not on the first day.” his voice is supportive and soothing; it makes your nerves ease just a little bit.

but in your peripheral, you see the way two women beside you gave you small glares. you weren’t sure if a lot of the girls here took the class because they actually wanted to learn swordsmanship or just flex their petite bodies for the incredibly hot sensei. you were different though.

you didn’t have a skinny body or long legs—you had curves filling out your sweatpants tightly, and you couldn’t move too much or else your heavy breasts would bounce painfully—of course you had to navigate the course differently than them. but you weren’t gonna let a little weight on you stop you from trying a new (and healthy) coping mechanism to get away from your problems.

after stretches, came sparring. everyone had gone over to the sword rack and chose their weapon of choice, while you took the time to hold each one, measuring out which one was the perfect weight for you.

“that’s a good one,” sensei!zoro interrupts your thoughts. “seems light enough for you to hold. lemme see your swing.” doing as told, you demonstrate a quick swing away from his body, and he nods in approval. “that’s your sword now. look at it, remember it, and come here.”

you follow his to a corner of the room, away from everyone else. “they’re a few steps ahead. i’ll catch you up on what we’ve learned so far.”

you frown before bowing. “sorry, you shouldn’t have to—woah!” you’re caught off guard by a sudden swing of a very sharp sword.

“rule one,” zoro eyes you with a smirk. “once we get on these mats—it’s battle only. i’ll go easy on you today.”

you firmly nod your head and get into stance. “yes sir.”

four hours later, the class finally ends, and everyone is preparing to go home, tired and sweaty. you’re resting your bag on your shoulder about to follow out the exit when your name is heard through the large gym.

“y/n,” sensei!zoro calls. your classmates all turn around to look at him with hopeful eyes. with an amused smile, the young teacher gestures his head to the exit. “the rest of you are dismissed. see you next week. y/n, c’mere.”

you furrow your eyebrows and slowly gravitatetoward the green-haired man, trying to ignore the slick comments being muttered under the breaths of your classmates.

“how come she gets to stay back? she can literally learn on her own.”

your voice is nervous as you grip onto the handle of your bag. “yes sensei?”

“zoro. you can call me zoro after class hours,” he tells you. “you did well today. best new student i’ve seen in a while,” he crosses his arms as he leans back against his desk.

surprise is etched in your throat. “r-really? i didn’t think so, i was struggling on some of the balance positions. i’m not exactly the most flexible, so it’s a bit hard for me to start off at least.” you admit. “literally all i can do is the splits, and i haven’t even done that in a while.”

“that’s alright, practice makes perfect,” your handsome teacher assures you. “over time, if you decide to stay in the class, balance and flexibility will come to you like muscle memory. you’ll be surprised how much your body can accomplish when you give it a chance. trust me, you’ll be able to put your legs behind your ears by the time i’m done with you.”

your brown cheeks flush at his comment. you were sure he didn’t have any hidden innuendo behind his words, but you still can’t help but heat up at his nasty words. his voice is naturally flirty as he smiles over at you.

zoro can’t help but be amused at your natural reaction. he’d clearly been eyeing you all day, the way your beautiful body actually looked damn-near perfect as it mirrored his own movements. sure, your balance wasn’t exactly the best; but you kept trying till you got it right. and because of that, sparring with him was much easier than it should have and would have been with anyone else. on top of being a fast learner, he liked your determination; it was something he admired in his students, especially one as beautiful as you.

you shift your weight from one leg to another in an attempt to at least relieve the tingling feeling between your thighs. “thank you sensei—i mean zoro. i really had fun during this class. sorry again for coming late, i got lost trying to find the building underground.”

“‘s no problem, don’t worry about it. i have a hard time finding my way around too sometimes.” zoro chuckled at your fluster. “next class though, you better be here bright and early. that’s an order too.”

“i will! hopefully i don’t get lost again. in the mean time, i’ll keep practicing my stretches at home. i would not wanna catch a cramp in the middle of sparring, especially with you,” you scoff ironically with a small laugh but once you realize what you’d actually said, you quickly correct yourself. “o-or anyone else that i’d be training with.”

zoro leans up off his desk and walks over to your body. “no worries. it’s my job to teach you the art of swordsmanship. how to take it seriously to the point where’s not just a side hobby—but a lifestyle as well,” his voice lowers as he looks down at you. “i can tell you’re not confident in your skills yet. you should be. you did well for a first day beginner.”

“well, it’s really just the flexibility and balance i’m worried about,” you admit, gesturing to yourself. “i’m kinda different than everyone else in the class so i wasn’t sure if i was even doing it right. at least, based on the comments from the others.” you roll your eyes. “i’ll keep trying though. flexibility shouldn’t be too hard to learn.”

you’re caught by surprise at your sensei’s next words. his large hand grabs at your chin, and lightly tilts your head back to face him. he leans in and nearly touches his nose with yours, breathing out, “let me teach you.”

and that was exactly how you ended up with your ankles right behind your ears at this very moment.

“this isn’t flexible?” sensei!zoro’s rough voice teases as he pounds into you mercilessly. his large fingers comes down to pull back the hood of your pussy and show love to your clit, rubbing the small nub in between his fingers and stimulating you even more. “look how you got your ankles behind your ears for me like a filthy girl. what i’d say? pretty flexible to me.”

the green-haired man looked down at your connecting bodies in amazement as he watched his fat tip slip in and out of your pussy successfully swallowing him whole with every hungry thrust he gave you. suddenly, a long dribble of spit fell from his glossy lips as he spat on your pussy, already creamy from your previous orgasms against him. zoro nastily uses the new source of lube as an excuse to touch up all on you, spreading the lips of your cunt apart to reveal all of you to him.

tears fell from your eyes as you cried for more, running your manicured fingers across his scarred chest. “you like that princess?” like the way i’m fucking you so good?” zoro engulfs your lips in his, swallowing your cries into his mouth. “tell me how you feel.”

“yes, so good sir,” you babble. you couldn’t even speak properly, not with the feeling of his pretty cockhead hitting each inch of your gummy walls. your legs were so far behind your head, this position allowed zoro to hit nothing but your aching cervix. you’d broken your celibacy for your martial arts teacher whom you’d met barely six hours ago, and you didn’t feel an ounce of regret for one bit. “please more, ‘m gonna cum, zoro!”

sensei!zoro would smirk down at you with dark eyes, debating on denying you your fourth orgasm for the night. deciding to tease you a bit more, he resorted to a harsh smack to the fat of your tit, watching the recoil bounce to easily. your skin gains red undertones as that part of your breast grows warm. “not my name pretty. c’mon say it.”

throwing your head back, you rolled your hips against his. you loved the way the curtains indeed matched the drapes as small moss green pubic hairs were covered in nothing but your slick from zoro thrusting into you forcefully. “i’m gonna cum, sensei. please let me cum.”

you’re turning to putty in his hands as he keeps you in a damn-near mating press. you were nervous that the abstract position would have caused you pain, not having been folded like this in a very long time, but zoro completely made sure you were comfortable if he was gonna fuck you to tears. the jewelry pierced in your navel dangled around as the pudge of your stomach rolled up against you tightly, completely helpless as the large strong man held you in this heavenly position, never once letting go of your flesh.

“no objections here. go on and cum.” with a smirk of completion, the young instructor sped up his pace as he helped you reach your high, leading you to completely soak his torso, squirting for the very first time in your entire sex life. you let out loud cries mixed with whines as you feel your body spasm under your instructor’s hot touch, who stood above you watching in complete amazement.

as you finished, you breathed out heavily as you stared at the mess you just made in near horror. “that your first time?” zoro teased, slowly rubbing at your clit, making sure you got every last drop out. you nod your head shyly, too admit that your past boyfriends were never able to get you to cum no matter how hard you tried. “you did a good job. turn around and bend over for me.” you don’t object as you scoot off the wet surface of his desk and bend over, pressing your ass on complete display for him.

zoro slips back into you with complete ease as he rubs his hand all along the terrain of your globes, mentally preparing himself for the best nut of his life. “fuck,” he groans, heading back to his earlier pace. “can’t believe all this was hidden beneath those damn clothes.”

the sensei’s eyes trail onto your back, and he swears he feels himself grow hard inside you all over again when they trail to the large butterfly tattoo on the spine of your back. the beautiful wings fluttered open and closed with each backshot he gave you, and he couldn’t hold his composure anymore.

you nearly shudder when you feel his cold hands rub along your blue tattoo. with sex clouding your mind, you find half the energy to thrust back into him, hopefully throwing some pleasure for him as well. this sudden change in rhythm catches zoro by surprise. you’re breathing heavily as your plump cheeks move graciously against his pelvis, each thrust giving excellent recoil as he feels himself about to cum again soon. “fuck, just like that, keep going.”

it’s been a while since sensei!zoro’s had sex, and all based on his personal preference, but hell, did you make him feel like he was fucking for the first time ever again. the way your walls welcomed him and held onto him tight every time he entered and exited you took him by amazement. who knew such a shy person could fuck him so good like this?

“such a good girl,” zoro mutters, running his hand all along your body. it was unusual for him to touch someone this much during sex. he usually partook in quick hookups, not really interested in relationships in the past few years, but you were different. he found himself wanting to touch you, caress you, and even hold you, all within seven hours of meeting you.

the green haired man feels his stomach tighten up as he holds onto your waist tightly for support. anything less and he might have collapsed on top of you. “fuck, i’m gonna cum,” he breathes out. “where do you want it baby?”

you don’t even think twice about your words before you’re begging, “please, inside me, sensei. want all of it.” though you’ve been celibate for a while now, you continued taking your birth control to prevent your intolerable period pains during your cycles.

zoro smirks and abides by your wishes, eventually reaching his own peak, and fucking his hot and fresh semen into you. you two let out a string of curses as you feel him fill you up. “fucking shit, baby. so good,” he whispers, completely emptying everything he had into your womb. as he started to come down, his thrusts slowed, making sure your abused cunt caught every drop.

you’re breathing heavily against the table as your vision spins. “good girl. good fucking girl.” by the time he fully stopped, zoro rubbed down your back and ass soothingly, bringing you down from your high as well. “gonna pull out, okay?”

you nod your head, completely exhausted against his table. you winced when you felt him pull out. you’re about to stand up, but are taken aback when you feel zoro lean over to grab something and rest his hand back on your spine, lightly pushing you back down. “hold on, lemme clean you up first.” he mutters.

you don’t respond as you feel your eyes shut. you let the man take care of you as sleep nearly overcomes your vision. zoro cleans between your legs with baby wipes, occasionally pressing small kisses against the cellulite of your thighs before heading into his locker and pulling out a spare set of clothes.

you give him a small smile in appreciation, and are surprised when it fits you perfectly. zoro did like his clothes two sizes bigger than his normal. you gladly take a bottle of water from him and indulge in a few sips as he slips on his sweatpants and grabs his keys.

pressing a small kiss to your complete sweat-out edges, he pats your ass lightly before gesturing to the exit. “come on, lemme drive you home.”

sneak peek at the possessive best friend Soap fic:

Where to even begin with all of this?

Your friends can’t even begin to parse out your friendship with Johnny. Half the time, they’re convinced that the two of you are secretly dating. The other half, they’re asking you for his number (“it’s not a big deal, right? If he’s single”), which you hand out with some degree of reluctance or make excuses about, telling them not to put you in the middle, that they’re grown women and can ask a man out on their own.

So what’s it mean that you hope they won’t?

You’re well into the second decade of your friendship with Johnny. These days, you think you know everything there is to know about the man. You know the way he likes his eggs, at what point the pinched expression on his face goes from mildly pissed to possibly violent when he’s arguing with another guy, his preference for coffee over tea, the particular way he sighs when he’s tired to the bone, the distinct feel of his fingertips, the texture of his hair, the way he’ll clear his throat after a drink of water—

The point being, you know this man. 

You’re not sure when the line gets crossed. It feels abrupt and somehow, entirely natural. Like you should’ve seen it coming, should’ve heard it on the telly or sirens blaring through town, but instead you sat inside with your ears plugged up. 

It comes out when the two of you drink a bit too much on a night out, huddled at a table at the back of the bar with Johnny’s arm stretched behind you like usual. You blurt it out in between two other thoughts, when your eyes are drawn to another couple sitting towards the back of the bar, pressed so closely together that their noses almost touch.

“God, I need that,” you sigh, the words coming out unbidden. 

The noise in the bar is just loud enough that he asks you to repeat yourself and you do, a decibel louder, nose wrinkling when you do. Just tipsy enough to lose most of your shame. He arches a brow, taking another sip of his beer. 

“Need what?” Johnny asks, leaning in closer to you, probably to make sure that he can hear you this time.

“To get laid.” It falls out of you like an aside, but that’s because you hardly hear yourself saying it. Your eyes are still locked on the couple across the room, envy making your stomach clench. Feeling it in your guts. 

You only frown when you realize you haven’t heard Johnny say anything in a while. When you turn back, you find him staring down at you with a peculiar intensity. Eyes bluer than you’ve ever seen before, more alert. 

“Why?” His tone is hard, insistent. “You looking around or something?” 

It catches you off-guard, the sudden interrogation. The tension rolling off him. 

“No—I—” Your mouth opens and closes, words only holding their form for a handful of seconds. His stare makes you reconsider them. “I, just…”

He must finally notice where your eyes keep being drawn to because he looks over. His shoulders relax when he spots the couple, the two seated at the back of the bar still tangled up in each other. He hums like he gets it. 

You can feel the heat burning under your cheeks. “Just forget I said anything. It’s really—this is so weird, I’m sorry.” You shut yourself up by taking a drink, looking anywhere but at your best friend’s no doubt taunting face. 

When you happen to glance up though, you find Johnny’s pupils dilated. “Y’know, I could help you with that.”

The offer makes you pause, the rim of your glass pressed to your lip where you were just about to sip. 

“Help me with what?”

“You feeling hot and bothered? I’d be happy to lend my services, kitty cat.”

You frown. “Oh my god. Please don’t say it like that.”

“Y’can call it whatever you want, bonnie. Just know I wouldn’y pass up the chance to get you naked. Can’t say I haven’t thought about it.”

The hand holding your glass shakes a bit so you put it down. “You have?” 

You wouldn’t normally keep the conversation going, but you’ve had one too many gin and tonics. There’s just enough liquid courage in you to delicately lay the question there like a snare looking for a compliment. You tell yourself it’s nothing more than that. Johnny’s your oldest friend, sure, but he’s also a red-blooded man with corded muscle, strong shoulders, and a jawline that could cut glass. Your blood practically sings when his eyes travel over you like he can see underneath your clothes.

“Yeah, kitty,” he breathes, scooching a bit closer to you. “Think about it all the fucking time actually. Can’t remember the last time it wasn’y top of mind.”

It’s incredible that the world still seems right-side up. Everything might as well be upside down for you. “That’s—are you serious, Johnny?”

“Deadly. You need proof?” The proof feels self-evident. It’s his tight, bunched up muscles and the eager look in his eyes, the hint of teeth when he speaks. You do not, under any circumstances, look down at his lap.

“No, I don’t need proof, oh my god.” You glance around in case anyone nearby overheard, but no one pays a lick of attention to the two of you. From an outsider’s perspective, you probably look just like the other couple, Johnny’s fingers twirling around the ends of your hair, his head angled towards you intimately. 

A smile breaks across his face and it’s like suddenly looking up into the sun. Blinding. “We don’t have to do anything about it yet, kitty. Just think on it, okay?” With his free hand, he nudges your glass closer to you, and you notice now the cuts and scrapes on his hands. How rough they look next to yours, more conspicuous when his knuckles brush up against your hand gripped tight around the glass. “Drink up. I’ll take you home after this one.”

Idk if you are still accepting concepts for First Lady verse but I have one. The triplets are in there teens like 17 and Axel bring a couple of friends over. His tell him that they have a crush on his mom and telling him how hot she is and how if they had the chance they would hit it ! Jack over hears it and steps in and tells them that’s not how they talk about girls let alone women and just gives them a sad talk about respecting women!

Thank you

“Ax, babe!” You said while walking into the living room where he and all of his friends were playing 2K on his xbox.

“Yes, mom?”

“Can you reach up on the top shelf and get me something from the cabinet in the kitchen? I don’t want to bother your dad because he’s busy.”

“Sure, I’m coming.” He said while pausing the game, but what you didn’t notice was that there were multiple sets of eyes on you from the minute you stepped into the room. 

“Heyyy, Mrs. Harlow.”

“Hi boys, are you staying for dinner?” You asked and they all eagerly nodded their heads yes.

“If you’re cooking then of course. I’m tired of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at my dad’s. He can’t cook.” Anthony, who is Axel’s best friend, said in response.

“Hmm, sounds like my husband.” You muttered and Axel immediately stifled a laugh. 

Axel walked into the kitchen with you and you pointed to what you needed before he grabbed it with ease and simply put it on the counter behind you and proceeded to give you a light pat on your head and laughed and you immediately tried to swat his hand away.

“Dad wasn’t lying, you do walk around here like you’re 6’3, but barely 5 feet.”

“He said that?!”

“Oops.”

“That’s fine, I got something for him when he comes back upstairs from being in the studio.”

“Look, I’m innocent and it wasn’t me.”

“Oh no you don’t. You’re going down right along with him.” You said as you were looking in the cabinets below to figure out which pan you wanted to use that would be big enough for what you were making as Axel made his way back into the living room. 

“Yo Ax, I have the biggest crush on your mom, she’s gorgeous.”

“Me too and she’s definitely a MILF.”

“Let me get the opportunity just one time, I’m hitting that.”

“I see why your dad got her pregnant so many times.”

“Okay, chill. That’s my mom you’re talking about.” Axel responded while shaking his head in disbelief and getting defensive. One thing he didn’t play about was people disrespecting his mother, father, or any of his siblings. 

“We know and I thought that was already established.”

“Don’t do that because it’s not only disgusting but disrespectful towards her.”

“We’re just playing, Ax. No need to get upset.” Brandon said while holding his hands up in defense while they suddenly heard Jack’s voice.

“I know that I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.” He said while coming into the living room and it immediately got quiet.

“Uhh…”

“What we don’t do under my roof is disrespect women, especially my wife. I know all of your parents and I know for a fact that you were raised better than that.”

“Mr. Harlow…” Anthony started to say, but he immediately cut him off.

“Turn the game off now, because it’s clear that this needs to be addressed.”

Without hesitation, Anthony, who was the closest to the console, turned the game off and Jack simply sat down across from them.

“I admit that when I was your age that I was guilty of doing the same thing, however, I was already with Y/N so that’s not 100% accurate, but that is exactly how the people around me would talk about women. It is not only disgusting but disrespectful like Axel said and there is absolutely no reason for you to talk about the opposite sex like that. They’re human beings who also have feelings and they’re not just some object. Think about how you would feel if someone talked about your mothers the way you all are talking about Ax’s.”

“We were just joking.” Brandon said quietly, but Jack simply shook his head.

“But were you though? Because it didn’t sound like it and it’s nothing to joke about. Women deserve respect for everything they do and put out into this world whether you agree with it or not. Your mothers didn’t spend hours of being in labor with your big ass heads to have you come out into the world and act like this. Women literally make the world go round and we would cease to exist without them. How do any of you expect to get and keep a girlfriend or eventually get married if that’s what you want if you act like this?”

“Well, if we were to get married, it would stop.”

“It needs to stop now. Being young is not an excuse. We’ve been married for almost 28 years and it definitely wouldn’t have lasted this long if I was continuously disrespectful towards her. From this point forward all of you need to do better and apologize to her when she comes back in here.”

Just then you walked back into the living room to look for Jack since he wasn’t in the studio when you went down there to look for him.

“Hey smush, when did you come up here? Anyway, is PG coming over for dinner too? That means that I need to run to the store to get more ingredients. I told Jess to make three tres leches cakes and Blanca is making chocoflan. Do you think that’s enough?” You asked while leaning down to kiss the top of his curls.

“Been up here for a few minutes and I think they are. Tell Jess to make four because knowing Urban he wants to have one to himself and Blanca probably needs to make four too.”

“Okay, let me just make the list…”

“Mom, we can go to the store for you.” Axel said and you immediately eyed him.

“Are you sure? It’s a lot.”

“Yeah, we got it.”

“Okay, I’ll send you the list and make sure you take daddy’s credit card.”

“WHAT?!” Jack exclaimed and you immediately laughed as Axel held out his hand towards him.

All he did was sigh before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet.

“Remember happy wife, happy life, dad.”

“Mmm hmm. Stick to the list and get me another bottle of ranch” Jack said and you immediately rolled your eyes.

“Oh, and Mrs. Harlow we’re sorry.” Anthony said and you looked at him confused.

“For what, sweetheart?”

“For being disrespectful towards you and talking about you like you’re an object. Mr. Harlow overheard us and set us straight.”

“Oh. Well you’re forgiven. Just remember all of you would literally crumble without us. Do better moving forward and realize everyone deserves respect.”

“We understand.”

Axel grabbed his keys and the rest of his friends followed him out the door when you simply looked over at Jack before he pulled you into his lap.

“Was it that bad?” You quietly asked and Jack simply nodded.

“Bad enough and I never want anyone talking about you like that and I overhear it. All of them looked like they were about to shit themselves when they saw me and found out I overheard what they were saying.”

“I’m so happy that Ax has such a good daddy to look up to.” You said while leaning down to kiss him.

“He was the one trying to get them to stop, too.”

“I figured. My baby doesn’t play about his mama.”

“And I don’t play about my wife. I love you, baby.”

“I love you too. So much.” You said while leaning down to give him several pecks.

“We need to start planning what we want to do for our 30th wedding anniversary. Damn, you’ve been with me for that long?!”

“34 in total and yes. Wouldn’t have it any other way and we’re going for that many more.”

“Still remember when I first saw that pretty girl with braids in her hair across the street from me.”

“And it was the blue eyes and freckles for me.”

The two of you were sitting in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before you spoke up again.

“Baby, did you say that I walk around here like I’m 6’3 even though I’m barely five feet?”

“Who… who told you that?!”

“Your second born.”

“Imma kick his ass, he wasn’t supposed to say anything!”

I’ve been thinking far too much lately, about BG3 of course because the hyper fixation is only just starting to wane now after 4 months.

Anyways, I am tired of certain members of the fan community inferring that women players shouldn’t pursue Astarion because he shows a clear preference for men. I don’t disagree that in-game dialogue that I have personally seen re: his past dalliances have shown them to be exclusively male. I am not sure if that was a conscious choice on the part of writers, but if it was, I suspect it has more to do with driving home the canonicity of his identity as a queer character in general than it does saying he’s a gay character that can choose to be with women only if the player forces him to.

It’s funny that nobody raises this issue with Halsin, another enthusiastically pansexual character, and I would bet my life on the reason behind that being that Halsin is your stereotypical burly outwardly masculine character, whereas Astarionis decidedly foppish and more delicate in appearance.

Boiled down it seems like a lot of people think that body hair and a messy hairdo makes a canonically pansexual male character “less gay” than another and therefore a more valid romantic option for women.

I’m not going to get into how there is so much more to Astarion (or Halsin for that matter) than his physicality. But certain types of people (i.e. neckbeards and incels) can’t wrap their head around the fact that a character that moves beyond the borders of their limited, one dimensional concept of masculinity could be enthusiastic about fucking a woman. I’m not excluding people that are members of the homosexual community that might be advocating for the fact that Astarion is clearly gay either. They’re a problem too just in smaller numbers.

I mean this poor, wonderful vampire man, so obviously in need of love, is literally accepting all comers (no pun intended I know Astarion hates puns) and because he’s flamboyant and pretty it’s somehow less believable?

I dunno, I get that people are overprotective of stuff they love and there’s this weird instinct to claim things so your obsession seems somehow more validated or whatever. And I probably would feel stupid having daydreams about gay men wanting to sleep with me (real or fake) if they were explicitly stated to be gay.

Astarion’s pansexuality isn’t implied, it’s confirmed, so don’t piss in my cornflakes and let me enjoy playing out the vampire romance dreams I’ve been harboring since I first read Interview With the Vampire in 1994. Like this is the closest I’ll ever get to realizing my dream of Lestat being real and me getting to make out with him and have him tell me I’m pretty so let me just have it for fuck’s sake.

Interesting side note about Lestat, he is yet another character who shows overwhelming textual evidence of being what some would consider gay (flamboyant, dramatic, into fashion) yet can appreciate and enjoy the beauty of women as well. For whatever reason though folks seem to think women have less of a “claim” over Astarion than Lestat, so whatever.

Tldr: Astarion is a man of prodigious appetites, and sometimes he wants tits and pussy and that’s okay.

They’re both hot, they both want my Tav, so fuck off.

thinking about how yellowjackets portrays sex & sexual situations gender & the… not unique but certainly rare way this show focuses on men versus women & I know we’re all tired of phrases like “male gaze” & “female gaze” but I think the show almost like… purposefully repurposes the male gaze from the perspective of its female characters.

jackie’s introduction pretty much is a sexual situation but it’s not a fun hot scene. it’s uncomfortable & awkward because it’s very clear jackie isn’t being pleasured. jeff just kind of looks like a tool. then later we get the sex scene between jeff & shauna & it’s different because both characters are into it but also it’s all about shauna, & the focus is mainly on her making jeff tell her that he loves her. it sort of reminds me of the scene in buffy the vampire slayer when buffy is feeling down because she just saw her most annoying ex living his best life so she demands spike tell her he loves her. it’s not a healthy situation. it’s… concerning & toxic. and even a bit manipulative & predatory to use someone that way.

and the other thing we know due to the focused shots of shauna looking at jackie is that this is not about jeff at all. he’s just the guy who happened to be between these two girls. when I first watched the show I disliked him but more & more I’m realizing… this is all about shauna & jackie. this entire relationship between shauna & jeff that turns into a marriage never has much to do with jeff himself at all. jeff is the epitome of literally just Some Guy.

anyway. I’m getting off track. I wanted to discuss jackie’s introduction versus her death. jackie being left to die because she had sex, on the surface seems like misogynistic writing. typical “female character is punished for sex” (not to harp on buffy again but..) trope. especially because the other girls are angry when they see the blood stain from her lost virginity.

but… the other girls aren’t angry at jackie because of sex. it’s because she’s “taken what didn’t belong to her.” & it’s interesting how none of the other girls care about or are invested in natalie & travis’ romance until this point. because it’s not about that. they objectify travis to the point of seeing him as literal food.

the framing of the jackie/travis sex scene is fascinating, the way it’s shot back & forth with the girls in the forest going feral. and the way in the end, travis is disoriented & confused & immediately following this the other girls begin sexual assaulting him & hunting him like an animal. like everything about travis & his arc, it’s such a subversion of the way female characters are so often treated in media.

and that brings me to travis & natalie & how they subvert gender roles. travis starts off seeming a bit sexist but the more we learn the more it’s clear he’s just an inexperienced teenager. he’s a virgin scared for his first time & he’s falling for the experienced bad girl who’s kinda scary. we literally always see that set up but with the shy inexperienced girl falling for the bad boy. even the way travis haunts the narrative & serves as part of natalie’s pain arc is reminiscent of the dead girlfriend trope. he is to natalie as jess from supernatural is to sam winchester. he’s fridged but the boy version. & that’s why he’s a babygirl to me <3

and like… we could talk all day about the pine cone in travis’ mouth & the sexual assault blood orgy scenes but let’s move on to the most functional couple of the entire show with some of the only sex scenes that actually seem like a fun sexy time where it’s just two people in love having sex

taissa & van! their conflict develops throughout the season as van is almost eaten by wolves because taissa is busy being possessed by the wood spirit & taissa’s frustration with van’s belief in something supernatural grows but… beyond that? they’re actually just super into each other. they are constantly talking about how gorgeous the other is, being all over each other, skinny dipping & doing more typically fun & romantic activities than all the other characters. & it’s 2 women

from shauna having sex with adam who ends up dead to whatever the fuck misty has going on with ben (not to mention adult! misty’s introductory scene where she manipulates a man into coming home with her by faking insecurities - or perhaps playing them up & using them, it’s unclear) it’s just totally fascinating to me the way this show subverts expectations with gender & sex

Thoughts on First Kill (2022) with spoilers

I’m having a First kill brain rot so i’m just gonna let this all out. Just my personal opinions :)

Well, the theme song is cute, but tbh i really don’t like the intro itself. I know it is supposed to be campy, but they could do better. I don’t know if it’s possible to change it next season, but i hope they do. And i don’t think the budget was the problem on that aspect. 

Speaking of budget, it’s not their fault and as a non-scifi gal, it’s not a big deal to me. But again, i hope the cgi will get better next season especially the fighting choreography. 

The poor quality flashbacks was maybe my another complaint coz you don’t have to have a big budget to give it a decent editing. 

WOMEN. all of them. 

I like how the men on here were either their brothers, dads and a gay best friend so there’s no room for shipping any man with Calliette. They’re lesbians, but we know these straight stans. 

Variety was soooo wrong for calling this a tired take because it actually broke a lot stereotypes. An openly gay jock? Awkward vampire? Dark-skinned black woman lead who is being pinned on? Matriarchal family? Not to mention a lesbian show without those bury your gays trope and whatnots?

I usually like slow-burns, but they have soooo much chemistry that this worked. I smile like crazy even in those awkward interaction and eye contacts.

Tired of interracial sapphic couples that always include a white woman, but Jules is special. Sarah Catherine gave her justice and i can’t see anyone being casted for that role. As someone with anxiety, she nailed everything especially the posture and mannerisms. And it wasn’t over the top. +Jules is soooo cute and charming. 

Cal reminds me of those intimidating girls in high school that is impossible not to have a crush on. I understand SC’s reaction on the chemistry read coz Imani has this intimidating stare that is sooo hot, strong and mysterious. If you can’t see Cal being down bad, look at her eyes. It’s very expressive. 

I hate those takes that said we’re only hyping it for representation coz i genuinely enjoyed it. I’m a lesbian, but i think i’ve only consumed like 10-15 sapphic media and liked maybe 5-8 of them. That’s how picky i am. 

The kissing and make-out scenes? Oh god. I’m serious when i say this is the best or one of the bests i’ve seen (straights included). It is so passionate and authentic. Idk where that “male gaze” came from. The person who said that was dumb i’m sorry. 

The dialogue is another thing that needs improvement. The intent is there, just write it more natural

They really casted a rando for Noah Harrington lmao

If u hate Cal, i’ll just assume you’re a racist because she literally did nothing wrong. She’s down bad for Juliette. Her character is just different and her reaction to what went down is valid and natural, come on. 

I want to point that the S*x dream at the start was so important? Because being a lesbian teenager who is sexually attracted to another woman is NORMAL! and it doesn’t make them a dirty predator. 

The evil vampire twins are so exciting!

I hope the Burns will learn that not all vampires are monsters because of Theo. 

Not exclusive to First kill, but excess blood from the Hospital should just be given to vampires idk. Or u know, period blood if they’re not picky. In that way, Humans and vampires can live together in harmony. 

I love that Juliette’s parents were also forbidden lovers. idk it’s refreshing. 

Idk if i want a musical episode, but i want Juliette to serenade cal. Then Imani on the soundtrack. 

Yes to Elinor being bisexual. Make them all queer tbh!

That’s it for now. Just want to say to those who are hating, that no one is forcing you to watch, but to be an edgy hag that had to shit on the show in public (not on constructive way)? Sapphics are working so hard for this to be renewed and the diverse cast and crew put their hearts on it because it meant a lot to us, then you’re just gonna ruin it because you want to show how different you are? Come on. 

Read your post on why adam was worried for kim in 816 & u were way off & came across as a pseudo intellect lol. Adam was scared b/c he loves/in love w/ her & does not want to lose her. Its that simple. Idk why you overthought & overcomplicate & brought in womens safety into this which yes is a big issue but it was not the forethought in adam’s mind. Yes it seemed like they were still not in a very good place iin 814 and 15 although we cant be 100% sure since 814 and 15 were not adam/kim- pt 1

So a couple of points in answering this. (At this point part two hasn’t come in but I’m very sleepy and wanted to answer this before bed)

1) the meta you’re talking about can be found here, it was written in August 2021 when we didn’t know what was happening. I’m also pretty sure we hadn’t had any BTS of Marina filming yet too.

2) with regards to the “pseudo intellect” I always try to write my metas as persuasive arguments. I lay out the facts, what I extrapolate from them, and try to persuade people to see my point of view. It’s how a meta works. You’re free to disagree, and you don’t need to come into my inbox to tell me.

3) it’s not that simple when it comes to Burzek. These two are the definition of a complicated relationship. He didn’t just have his worries for Kim, he had his worries about Makayla, about potentially ending up as a single parent too. About what would happen to his team if she’s gone for good. Adam’s many things, please don’t do his character a disservice by saying he only cares about Kim. He cares about more than her.

4) why did I overthink? I’m autistic and these are my blorbos. I’ve written 72 fics for Chicago PD since March last year, and 48 of them are Burzek. Last hiatus drove me a lil mad.

5) the violence against women point was brought up because we’ve seen how Adam reacts to rape cases and cases where women are hurt. When Kim’s sister was raped, even in 8x12 when they were tracking the serial rapist and murderer. There’s no way his mind didn’t spiral to that being a possibility - he said it in “what do you think they’re doing to Kim?” (I may have misquoted, I’m not getting the episode up for a quote rn)

6) as I put in the meta, we can tell they weren’t in a good place in 8x14. There was one moment they were even beside each other, and it’s linked in the meta thanks to @adamruz’s gifs. That’s why I had this idea.

In summary, don’t come into my askbox to pick apart a year old meta about my blorbos, I’m too tired and hot to be polite about it today.

tell all of your friends // rogabba

“He’s off, telling his friends that I’m the crazy one!” Gabbie practically shouts as she tosses a hoodie over her shoulder. By the sound that Rosanna makes, she can only assume that the article of clothing landed on her, but in the heat of her anger she doesn’t care. “Can you fucking believe that?? He’s the one that keeps gaslighting me! As if I was overreacting. Motherless behavior, it really shows.”

Ro gives a surprised titter, hand shooting up to cover her mouth. “Gabby, that’s…”

“Fine, yeah, I know. But still, he’s so full of shit and I’m tired of being treated like I’m the only one that has problems!” She runs a hand through her hair, scraping at her scalp. “Do you know, he told me that I act like I don’t wanna be loved? Maybe I just don’t want to be loved by someone who acts like I’m hysterical anytime I have a strong emotion!” Her hands get thrown down in frustration, so angry that she’s almost nauseous. 

“Well. He’s scum, and honestly? Fuck him.” The curse feels so out of place in the typically sweet girl that it actually soothes Gabbie. And honestly? It was kind of hot.

“God, thank you! I’m so glad you get it, you never really said anything to me before about him and I thought I was the only one.” She takes a shuddering breath, letting some of the tension out of her shoulders before resuming her search through her closet. It only takes a few more moments before she finally emerges victorious. “Hah! Here it is!” She yanks out the cardboard box, almost smiling as she turns back to Ro. The other girl is looking quizzically at the hoodie that was thrown at her before - another memento from that asshole.

“So, what are we doing with these, exactly?” Ro asks, chocolate-sweet brown eyes turning to Gabbie. Gabbie does grin now, ready for some damn good catharsis.

“We’re burning them.”

Gabbie had always taken Ro for lawful good, so her agreement comes as a complete shock. And then they’re outside, a box full of Matt’s shit on the sidewalk in front of them (Rosanna, being the reasonable one, had reminded her it wouldn’t be great to burn it on the lawn). Gabbie can already feel the ebb of her anger, but not because she’s any less pissed off at Matt. It’s just… hard to keep a grip on it with Rosanna here. Even though the typically sweet girl has a determined line to her mouth and a fire in her eyes to match the flames in Gabbie’s heart, she’s just a soothing presence overall. It adds up that the only bad she’d ever heard spoken of Ro is from Matt. Fucker.

She clutches the matchbox to her chest and takes a deep breath, staring down at the box. “For making me feel like shit when I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship, for acting like I wronged him when I had fun at a party, for pursuing me until I finally gave in, for every single time he treated me like I was broken and needed him to be whole…” Her voice gets a little choked up at the latter, both from frustration and a tinge of sorrow. Ro’s hand presses lightly against her lower back, a silent support, and it gives her the spark she needs. She lights a match. “For being a fucking man child who refuses to understand women, and for wasting my damn time. Fuck you, Matthew Brown. If I never have to put up with your bullshit again, it’ll be too soon.” She drops it.

It’s lucky, actually, that the fire catches with no issue. It feels like fate. As the flames lick at every memory, Gabbie does feel free. She feels like herself for the first time in eons, and she gives a small laugh in relief.

“Fuck you, Matt!” she shouts, then gives another laugh, like every pent up frustration is being let go of. For once.

“FUCK YOU, MATT!” Rosanna yells with even more force, and Gabbie looks down at her with a huge grin. Ro looks up to her and matches it, laughing a little, too, and then Gabbie is leaning down to kiss her.

Oh god.

She pulls away almost immediately, cheeks burning hotter than the fire on the ground. Where the hell did that come from? Sure, she always thought Rosanna was cool, but… like a friend. Like a really pretty friend that she always wants to be close to and who she can’t seem to breathe around when she gets too close…

Ro looks a little stunned, for her part. There’s a delicate blush to her cheeks, and Gabbie feels a little like she’s losing her mind, chest shaky with emotion. “I-I’m sorry, I guess I, I got caught up in the moment,” Gabbie says, anxiety bleeding into her voice. She gives a nervous chuckle, like that’ll fix things.

“Yeah! Yeah, I get that, it’s no problem!” Ro says, though her voice sounds higher than usual. She pastes on a smile as she looks up at her. “I, um, I am dating Mark, though.” Gabbie’s eyes are a little wider as she nods quickly, embarrassed. She feels like a teenager again, going up to a crush and being absolutely destroyed. How long has she had a crush on her?

“Oh, that’s cool! I didn’t…” Gabbie clears her throat, and she has to look away. What would she have even done if Rosanna kissed her back? Why did she have to ruin everything? Again. As always. She crosses her arms over her chest, almost hugging herself as she watches the fire slow. “I think I need a glass of wine. Strike that, actually. A bottle.”

Even though Gabbie can’t see it, Ro nods slowly, still watching the taller girl. “That sounds fantastic right now.”

148 of 2023

Random Secrets from Celebrities [True or False]

Created by joybucket

These are all random secrets from celebrities that I've either heard them say in a song, heard them say in an interview, or found somewhere online. Put an X next to the secrets which you share, and elaborate if you wish. Have fun! :)

I didn't go to high school. I had a huge crush on Demi Lovato when I was younger. I'm bisexual. I was hesitant to try cocaine, because I heard it could make your heart just burst, but then I tried it, and I loved it. My dad was an alcoholic. I've tried antidepressants, and they're not for me. 💊 I was born with a third nipple. My sister is the one who got me interested in singing. I looked up to her and wanted to be just like her. I suffered from an eating disorder for years. I fell into a deep depression after my best friend passed away. My best friend died of cancer. I lost weight doing Zumba. I've choreographed some of my own Zumba routines. I'm struggling with my weight. I stay up all night worrying about my body type and if any guy is ever going to like me. My biggest insecurity is probably my nose, because it reminds me of my dad. 👃 My biggest insecurity is my feet. 🦶 I definitely had an eating disorder when I was in college. I want a nose job. 👃 I want a boob job. I pray every night before I go to bed. I didn't go to my high school prom. I feel like God made a mistake when making me. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. ....and I had people try to tell me it was my fault. My teenage self loved Aaron Carter. I'm broken inside. 💔 I feel like I'm living in my sister's shadow. I'm broken inside, and I want to go home, but nobody's home. 💔 He says he's so in love with this other girl, and that he's finally got it right. I wonder if he knows that he's all I think about at night. I had a horrible experience with pregnancy. ....and I'm jealous of women who have a wonderful experience being pregnant. 🤰 I'm tired of saying everything I feel like I'm supposed to say. I'm tired of smiling all the time; I wanna throw the mask away. I hate how I feel after I've slept in until noon, because I feel like half the day is gone already. I feel like I'm living in my sister's shadow. My first kiss was very awkward. I write a lot of songs, but some of them are just not good. When I was a teenager, the boy I had a huge crush on told me I'd be real hot if I were skinnier. ....and it crushed me. I tried having an eating disorder, but it didn't last long....I only starved myself for a few hours, but then I got hungry. I never thought I was pretty when I was younger. I totally lie to my children. I think I look really good in black. I'm nervous about wearing the color white, because it shows everything. I'm always early to things. I cannot stand being late.

400.

What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Decent quality clothes and wax melts. Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? No, they’re not really a huge thing here. I mean, they exist but not everywhere and they’re nothing like the ones you see in America. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? I wouldn’t marry anyone who was even remotely religious. Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother? Sure, lingerie. Does anyone know every little detail about you? Nope, and I wouldn’t want them to either.

Has anyone told you a secret lately that you aren’t allowed to tell anyone? Not so far as I can recall. Where were you when you got your first period? My mum’s work. I’d been on an induction day at school and then had to get a taxi to her work afterwards, and I was waiting for her to finish a meeting when I felt really sick/sore and there it was lol. Luckily I knew/had money and sorted myself out without any issues. Can you change a car tire? I know how to change a tire, but I can’t physically do it on my own. Are you more attracted to men or women? It depends. Do you continue fighting in an argument even though you’re wrong? Hahaha sometimes, I can be so stubborn. Where was the last house you went besides your house? Uh, Jade’s house to drop Copper off after his afternoon walk. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? Nope, it just doesn’t really appeal to me. Right now, are you too hot, too cold or just right? I’ve finally warmed up from being out in the cold and rain all day. Do you ever use a laptop in bed? Not really, I’m normally downstairs on the sofa when I’m on my laptop. Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? Yeah, they’re happily married. Have you ever been evicted? Why? No. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Yes to both. What was the last thing you voted for? Probably some poll thing online - nothing important, anyway. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed awake? Why did you do it? 48+ hours, because I can’t sleep on planes/in airports and we had to fly to Australia which takes ages. Have you ever received a parking fine? Yes, once. Are you in any group chats? Who’s in them? Just one - with Archie’s breeder and all the other owners of his siblings. Do you have a lisp? Yes. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? Just for business use - I update stories everyday but I don’t update the rest anymore. Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? No. How many windows are open on your computer? Just one, which has five tabs open. Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? Yes. What’s your most memorable story from a power outage? Not much. The last time we had a power cut was during the summer - I just sat outside and read my book lol. Is torture ever acceptable? Only if it’s consensual, lol. Would you ever date someone who had an STD, if they were honest and safe? I mean, Mike gets coldsores so technically he has herpes. It doesn’t bother me - we just don’t do anything when he has an active sore. Have you ever kissed under mistletoe? No. Are you still with the person you fell hardest for? If not, do you still care for each other? We’re still together. How many people has he/she been in love with, besides you? He had one serious girlfriend before me. Find 5 people on your Facebook friends list, whose name begins with K. Who are these people, and how did you meet them? Karla - my cousin. Kim - an online friend from my Xanga days, Kathryn - a lady who lives nearby who I know from dog-walks and my business, Kelly - we used to work together about a decade ago, Kat - another friend from my Xanga days. Do you think you are pregnant? I know I’m not pregnant. Do you think hugs are awkward? They definitely can be. What is your favorite band of all time? The Beatles. Do your siblings dye their hair? I don’t have any siblings. Have you ever read someone’s journal? Yeah. If your significant other proposed to you right here, right now, would you accept? We’re already married. Do you think you’ve found the one you want to marry yet? ... Did the last song you listened to hold any special meaning? Nah. How easy would it be to get over the person you currently like/love? It wouldn’t be easy. At all. Have you ever been so quiet that nobody noticed that you were there? Yeah, for sure. When will you see your best friend next? I can go and see Mike whenever I want lol, he’s upstairs at the moment. What book are you reading, currently? I’m not reading anything right now. Whose bed were you on last? My own. What is your favorite neon color? Ever buy nail polish that color? Pink, and no. Has anyone ever gotten in your face completely bitching you out? Yeah. Have you ever gone hunting before? Do you think it’s wrong? I’ve never been but I don’t think it’s wrong so long as you eat what you kill. How many iPods or mp3 players have you had in your entire life? Uh, maybe 4-5. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? What was your reaction? I don’t remember. Do you like watching old home videos of yourself? There aren’t any. Do you ever get paranoid about who your significant other hangs out with? No, but he doesn’t really go anywhere or hang out with anyone lol - he’s pretty introverted and unsocial, which is why we’re so well suited ha. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? Nope. Can you handle movies involving lots of bugs and insects? Yes. What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? Probably illegally downloading music, and no. Sex, menstruation, or puberty - which is the most uncomfortable subject? I don’t really feel uncomfortable talking about any of those things. When you picture flowers in your head, what color are they? Pink or white. Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? Yeah.  Would you get back with your last ex if you could? Nope. Is it easy for you to accept loss? It depends on the situation. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, how long have you guys been together? Six years, married four. Who was the last person you caught lying to you? I honestly don’t remember. Honestly, how many people do you have feelings for? One. Honestly, do you believe in yourself? I mean, I exist. Ever gotten in trouble for public displays of affection? Nope. Have you ever been drunk or high? Yes. Have you ever chatted with someone on webcam? Sure, I FaceTime my mum most weeks actually. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t remember. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? No. What if a friend asked you to go with her to get an abortion? I would go with her, of course. <--- exactly. Have your parents ever smoked pot? My dad has done, I don’t think my mum ever has. Ever made yourself throw up? Yes. I’d rather be sick than feel sick. Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theater? No. Are you addicted to technology? Yeah. Any fond memories of your first sleepover? I don’t remember my first sleepover. Have you ever led the prayer at dinnertime? If not, do you want to? Yeah, we all had to take it in turns when I was at primary school. Do you believe in the army, it’s disgraceful to improperly salute? I have no idea what you’re talking about. Do you keep notes, drawings, or letters that people give you? Some of them, sure. Have you had a bf/gf that you never kissed? No. Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked? I’m sure they have. Who in your life is your number one priority to make sure they’re happy? My husband. What was the last strong scent you smelled? The candle I have burning which is orange and cinnamon scented. How did you discover your favorite band? My dad introduced them to me. When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? In school years ago.  The last person you kissed treat you right? He does. Are you afraid of clowns? Yeah, they’re creepy. What are you listening to at this moment in time? I’m watching The Simpsons. If you were pregnant, how long would you wait to write something about it on Facebook? I don’t want children. What’s your favorite kind of lip piercing? (monroe, labret, snakebites, etc.) I don’t like lip piercings.

survey #061

What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Good tattoos and health-conscious but still effective hair dyeing. Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Never one that took itself seriously, just one that was a Halloween attraction. I wasn't scared at all, knowing it was just fake stuff. It was fun, though. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? Absolutely not, hell no. Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother? No. Does anyone know every little detail about you? No.

Has anyone told you a secret lately that you aren’t allowed to tell anyone? No. Where were you when you got your first period? I'd just gotten home from school. Can you change a car tire? No. Are you more attracted to men or women? Men, I think. Do you continue fighting in an argument even though you’re wrong? No, that's so childish. Accept you're wrong and grow. Where was the last house you went besides your house? My sister's place. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? Never played it, don't want to. I bruise easily and I know that shit hurts. Right now, are you too hot, too cold or just right? I'm hot. I FUCKING FINALLY got out of the black hole quicksand that is my bed and am back in the spare room, now I just have to get used to the temperature change. My body is so fucking sensitive to that shit, like there is maybe a one degree difference and I'm sweating. Do you ever use a laptop in bed? That was the story of my life for literal YEARS on end and like I just mentioned, I'm getting back out of it. It's why my legs are fucking useless. Please don't spend your leisure time in the same place that you sleep, it's not healthy and I was no exception. Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No, and not entirely, but I know enough. I know there was a lot of things; money and how to use it was one, and I know there were infidelity claims on both ends. They've been divorced a long time now, and they should be. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? No. What was the last thing you voted for? Uhhhh I want to say it was a YouTube poll. What's the longest you've ever stayed awake? Why did you do it? Around three days, because I was manic. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Parking fees are a pretty foreign concept 'round here. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? Only for me, Tez, and Mazzy. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have a couple and scan through my feed once or twice a day, but I rarely post anything myself. Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? *Part* of the reason I broke up with Girt after trying to date for the first time was because I'd realized I was more into Sara. It is so weird talking about how we were the first time with how differently I feel about him now, and he hasn't changed, at all. How many windows are open on your computer? One window, but a shitload of tabs, mostly YouTube. Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? Yeah, just as a kid tho. What’s your most memorable story from a power outage? My mom got (indirectly?) struck by lightning while quickly washing out a soda can; it was just a mild shock thank god and it became a joke that she's waiting for her powers to strike lmao. Is torture ever acceptable? No. That's how you lose your humanity, by hurting others that severely. Would you ever date someone who had an STD, if they were honest and safe? I think it would depend on *what* STD. Like, some are only transferable through flare-ups or whatever, and I don't think an STD equates to a no as far as being a partner goes. I'd sure as hell prefer my partner to have no issues in that field, but I'm not going to automatically say no if they're honest and safe about it, like you said. Have you ever kissed under mistletoe? I actually don't think I have, though I've always wanted to just for the novelty of it. Are you still with the person you fell hardest for? If not, do you still care for each other? No. I will absolutely always care for him, but I don't think he cares for me. Not that he's in the wrong there. Think of the person you fell hardest for. How many people has he/she been in love with, besides you? I don't know if Jason was ever actually in love with Rachel, his first girlfriend, but knowing how he reacted to her leaving, I think so. I have no idea if he's been in love since we split. Find 5 people on your Facebook friends list, whose name begins with K. Who are these people, and how did you meet them? 1.) Kelly, who I met in HS art class. She's a fantastic person and the kind of mom I'd want to be if I ever have kids. 2.) Kim, my stepmother. Racist, homophobic, Trump-loving bigot. I keep her on my friends list purely to avoid drama, but she's muted on my feed. 3.) Katelynn: the ex-girlfriend of one of mine and Jason's friends. She's fantastic, super cool chick. 4.) Kieley is the angel of a wife of who I consider practically my "big brother," Sam. She's a wizard with makeup and I think actually has like, a hug TikTok following or something? 5.) Kathryn is one of my very good childhood friends. We used to go to their house all the time for pool parties, and I distinctly remember seeing Lilo and Stitch for the first time at her place. Do you think you are pregnant? I know for a definitive fact I'm not, even though I haven't had my period in multiple months now. I fucked up my birth control pills and then my psych meds have been changing so much that my body just doesn't know what to do, lol. Do you think hugs are awkward? No, and this is coming from like, THE most awkward person. Multiple people have told me I give the best hugs and it makes me so happy. :') What is your favorite band of all time? It's always going to be Ozzy. Do your siblings dye their hair? Not their full heads, but Ashley has been known to get lighter brown highlights. Have you ever read someone’s journal? No, that's an awfully rude thing to do. If your significant other proposed to you right here, right now, would you accept? I know I would, even though right now's not a good time. Do you think you’ve found the one you want to marry yet? I'm very confident in that. Did the last song you listened to hold any special meaning? It's about a BDSM relationship w/ God so... no :-) How easy would it be to get over the person you currently like/love? It'd be seriously fucking hard and put me in one very dark place. Have you ever been so quiet that nobody noticed that you were there? I know this is an exaggeration, but this has literally happened more than once. When will you see your best friend next? He's coming over Wednesday. What book are you reading, currently? Winter Turning in the Wings of Fire series. Whose bed were you on last? My own. What is your favorite neon color? Ever buy nail polish that color? Pink, and no, not personally. Has anyone ever gotten in your face completely bitching you out? My maternal grandmother did exactly this, once. I deserved it. Have you ever gone hunting before? Do you think it’s wrong? I never have and I never fucking will. I do think it's wrong if you're doing it for sport; you gotta be a special kind of fucked up in my world to take pleasure - even joy - from taking another life, especially one that had NO issue with you and was entirely minding its own business. Food's different; that's survival, and in the rotation of survival, something always has to die. It sucks, but that's life. How many iPods or mp3 players have you had in your entire life? One. Which I got in middle school. AND STILL WORKS. AND I USE IT REGULARLY. Those old-timey rectangle iPods apparently got some fuckin juice in 'em, lol. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? What was your reaction? Girt. I always get real shy and wonder what the hell this man sees, but I always appreciate it a hell of a lot. Do you like watching old home videos of yourself? Ha ha yeah, I used to. They're all VCRs though and we don't have a player anymore, I'm quite certain. Do you ever get paranoid about who your significant other hangs out with? No, I trust him. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No; I was always the one IN it. Can you handle movies involving lots of bugs and insects? Yes. What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? Probably pirating music, and no. Sex, menstruation, or puberty - which is the most uncomfortable subject? For me, sex. I'm very awkward and uncomfortable discussing it with pretty much anyone. When you picture flowers in your head, what color are they? I've actually been really into pink tulips lately, so those. Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? No, that's not something he does. Would you get back with your last ex if you could? Nope. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NO. NO. NO. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, how long have you guys been together? A year now. I'm very annoyed with Covid for making it so I STILL haven't seen him to give him his anniversary present. And I just wanted to spend the day with him anyway. Who was the last person you caught lying to you? That I remember, Sara, in the message she sent me awhile back. "I haven't [been a Nazi] for years." I'm not that dumb. I literally scoffed when I read it. Honestly, how many people do you have feelings for? One. Honestly, do you believe in yourself? No. Ever gotten in trouble for public displays of affection? Not badly, but I do remember teachers in high school would sometimes scold Jason and I for simply hugging, but we just didn't care. You couldn't even LOOK at someone of the opposite gender and not get in trouble for it in that school. Have you ever been drunk or high? No to both. Have you ever chatted with someone on webcam? Yeah, I remember Jason and I did that at least once when we first started dating. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don't cook. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Yes, for surgery. THE best sleep of my fuckin life lmao. What if a friend asked you to go with her to get an abortion? I'm going the fuck with her. Have your parents ever smoked pot? I know my dad has, but I don't THINK Mom has. Ever made yourself throw up? I've tried to, but I didn't. Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I guess I... kinda have? I have a friend Lisa that I was chatting with one day, and she was having some health problems going on. She passed out, and when her husband came home, he heard the messenger ding from me and checked it; he'd thought Lisa was asleep, but the way we were talking to each other, David (the husband) knew something was actually wrong with Lisa and he took her to the ER to find out she'd had like, an aneurysm or something along those lines that would have killed her if left untreated. She's fine and a happy but VERY BUSY mom of four now. :'') Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theater? Yes, with The Black Phone because of a very abrupt and intense father/daughter abuse scene that somehow triggered me, like a PTSD reaction, even though I've never been (to my memory) abused. I've talked about it enough months ago and don't want to again. Are you addicted to technology? Oh, I absolutely am. It's been a severe problem almost my whole life. Any fond memories of your first sleepover? I actually don't remember my first "real" sleepover, especially if we're talking me being at someone else's house; I had such severe separation anxiety from my mom that it took me a few years of trying to steadily be able to last. My friends' parents were used to me waking them up in the night 'cuz I couldn't sleep, lol. Have you ever led the prayer at dinnertime? If not, do you want to? I don't think I have, and I absolutely never want to. Do you believe in the army, it’s disgraceful to improperly salute? I don't fucking care, man. Do you keep notes, drawings, or letters that people give you? Yes. Have you had a bf/gf that you never kissed? I never kissed Aaron or Juan, but I mean the first was nothing but middle school puppy-love and I dated Juan for less than a day. Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked? I remember a few people used to do this about Jason and it pissed me the fuck off. Like are YOU the one in the relationship? Then why the fuck should you care who I'M attracted to? Who in your life is your number one priority to make sure they’re happy? Girt, probably. Or Mom. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Probably my cat's breath. He loves (gently... ish) biting my nose for some weird reason ha ha, that and just yawning in my face. How did you discover your favorite band? Ozzy, just growing up with Mom's CD case to go through when I was getting into rock and metal. Rammstein I feel like I'd HEARD of somewhere, but I listened to them myself through "Waidmanns Heil" being on a certain Guitar Hero (or Rock Band, idk) edition. When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? Oh wow, YEEEAAAARS ago when I was still in dance classes and I had to dress up for recitals. The last person you kissed treat you right? He does nothing but that. Reading this reminded me of how this is exactly what his mom asked me when I was first alone with her. I thought it was so sweet, like she was ON it the moment Girt left the room. Are you afraid of clowns? No, they've never gotten to me. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "You Can't Run Away" by Emigrate is BACK ON THE MENU, BOYS. If you were pregnant, how long would you wait to write something about it on Facebook? Well, I wouldn't to begin with because I'd be getting an abortion and I'd be willing to share that with VERY few people. If on some alternate planet I was keeping the baby, I'd wait 'til the first few dangerous weeks have passed when miscarriage is far more unlikely. What’s your favorite kind of lip piercing? (monroe, labret, snakebites, etc.) I have a vertical labret because it's my fave; I like the symmetry it adds to the face.

𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐞 || 𝐰. 𝐦𝐚𝐱𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐟𝐟

a/n: I was at the airport when I thought of this sO I guess here's the start of my mob!WandaNat AU?

warnings: It’s an 18+ AU, but there’s no sex in this little fic; just flirty, persuasive Wanda and lap sits

AU summary: Mob Boss!WandaNat with shy bartender!reader that just started working at their negotiation meeting space bar and they take a liking to her because she always makes their drinks right and won’t accept their kind way too big tips

Eventually, they start asking her to hang around more which turns into being their private bartender when they’re hosting at their home, but now somehow they’ve started asking her over more nights than not because they’re “too tired” to get a ride to the bar so instead they have their driver bodyguard pick you up each night. Reader thinks they’re hot and fun to be around even if they do love flustering her at every turn so she just tries to survive out here, pretty much completely unaware that she's got two rich women paying for everything for her and protecting her everywhere she goes.

words: 1.5K

masterlist. || navi. || request rules/info : closed

“Mrs. Maximoff? You asked to see me?” Your usually quiet voice was painfully loud in the near silent room, only the faintest echoes of the soft music playing out on the dining room floor coming through the walls. It was surprisingly soundproof and for a quick moment you wondered why- until you remembered what the owners did for a living. Still, when Wanda looked up at you, a kind smile brightening her features, you couldn’t imagine her hurting a fly. That was all part of the ruse probably. Wanda was smart; Natasha was too, obviously, but she looked more intimidating with her steely demeanor and sharp features. Wanda, on the other hand- she could take out a room full of people before anyone screamed because she just looked so trustworthy. She had an almost witch-like way with people, sweetly manipulating them until it was too late to pull away. Most of them didn’t want to in the end anyway- no one wanted to leave Wanda once she’d gotten into your head. If she wasn’t so captivating, you’d avoid her like the plague. “Ah, just the person I wanted to see. Come here, dear.” Stepping closer made the door shut loudly behind you and it pained you to admit how nervous you were being in a room alone with her. She must’ve sensed your hesitation because she relaxed her shoulders and took a deep breath. “You’re not in trouble, quite the opposite honestly.” The only thing separating the two of you was her large wooden desk and even though she was sitting down, she still felt feet taller than you could ever hope to be. “Not to be rude, but Marian doesn’t like it when I’m gone too long…” The only downside of being the best bartender in the place was that you were always in high demand and your boss liked to keep things moving smoothly. Which meant very strict time schedules for you while on the clock. Wanda’s face fell then, jaw set at the thought of someone else taking you away before she was done with you. But quick as lightning, her easy attitude returned when she looked your way, “She answers to me. If I want to keep you here all night, I can.” Her words were reassuring, but they held an edge that reminded you never to try to rush her again. “Come closer, I just want to talk to you.” You obeyed, rounding the desk because that was the only way you thought you could be closer. Hovering at the corner, a few feet away wasn’t enough for her though. “Go on, sit down.” When you tried to sit on the wooden furniture she shook her head and you stopped, gazing at her in silent confusion. There were no other chairs on this side of the room besides the one she was currently occupying. Wanda let you sit and stew a moment, enjoying the way you just stared at her for guidance, scared to displease her. She liked that control and you looked oh so cute giving it to her. After a minute of you not understanding, she gave in and sat back in the large leather chair, beckoning you with a single finger. “I won’t bite. Today, at least.” The gulp of air you took down your throat must’ve been obvious with how hard it was, choking on your own breath in shock. She was serious. Wanda Maximoff wanted you to sit on her lap. So naturally, not wanting to keep her waiting- you did. Sitting this close to her let you breathe in her perfume, floral and light- much too gentle for her profession, but perfect for the Wanda Maximoffs of the world. “You’ve been making quite an impression here.” Her hand rested on your thigh, no pressure applied, but guiding you to keep still, “I was wondering if you’d be up for working a few nights for Natasha and I.” It was posed as a question, but anyone with even the barest self-preservation skills knew it wasn’t. Things would be easier for you if you complied and, if you were being honest with yourself, your own apprehensions weren’t enough to overshadow the opportunity to personally assist the two gorgeous owners of your workplace. When you first laid eyes on them, you were in for. Natasha had leaned over, ordered a neat Manhattan in that deep voice of hers, and even months later, you’d never fully recovered. You’d met Wanda a

few days later and now every shift all you wanted was to catch a glimpse of them, maybe even exchange a few words. Your shy nature didn’t let you seek out their attention as eagerly as the other bartenders did though, preferring to wait in the shadows until they approached you. And now, one of them had. “I- Yes, I’d love to help… when do you want me?” It didn’t matter; you’d rearrange your schedule for what she needed. However she needed. “Preferably? Always.” The hand on your leg tightened its grip, her other taking your head and turning it so you had to face her, ring-clad thumb tracing over your curved lips. She took possession of you easily, holding you in her lap as if she already owned you. Much to your dismay, you had to admit you wouldn’t mind her doing so. “But that’s for later. Tomorrow, 7pm is the first. If you do well, then we’ll come up with a more permanent arrangement,” She leant in close, as if she was telling you a secret despite being the only two people anywhere near earshot. “And you’ll be rewarded amazingly, I promise.” All you could manage was a series of slow nods, crystal clear green eyes locking yours in a pleased gaze you never wanted to leave. You’d do anything for that look again. “Thank you for the opportunity, Mrs. Maximoff. I’ll try my best.” If only you could match her confidence, the sureness of her subtle seduction- maybe you wouldn’t sound so painfully innocent. Then you’d feel worthy of whatever dynamic she’d created with you just now. But Wanda liked your sheepishness; all the more fun for her and Natasha to have breaking you out of your shell over and over. “Call me Wanda when it’s just us, no need to be so formal. And you’re very capable, you’ll do perfectly.” The brunette was kissing you before you could blink, impossibly soft lips taking control as effortlessly as always. She pulled away and took your bottom lip with her between her teeth, chuckling darkly when you squeaked. So precious. “Besides, you’re a good girl, my good girl. You wouldn’t let me down, would you?” “N-No, Mrs. Maxim- Wanda! I won’t disappoint you.” You didn’t know if you wanted to sink into the floor and disappear or curl into Wanda, the oddly safe feeling lion’s den of your boss’ lap. Soon enough she made the decision for you, bringing you closer as she sank into her chair, your arm pressing into her silk-covered chest. You let your head rest on her shoulder at her encouragement, the hand still on your cheek directing her to the crook of her neck. She played with your hair and slowly you felt your eyes droop closed, nearly lulled to sleep by her affection. And then you realized you were at work. It was late, definitely past 1am, and you were no stranger to seeing the first morning light by the time you closed up, but still you technically needed to work. Wanda must’ve felt you stiffen because when you moved to get up and mumble out some sort of apology for going so submissive on the person that pays you, she held you tighter. Maybe a little too tight. “Ah ah, you’re staying right here.” Your mouth opened to protest or reason with her, but she briskly shushed you. “You have a long night for Nat and I tomorrow so for tonight, just sit here and look pretty for me while I finish up some contracts.” Wanda never looked at you, only explaining and expecting you to go along with it, knowing you will, as she rolled her chair back to her desk, wedging you even further against her. Faintly you heard her pen start to scratch over paper, her focus on her work as if she wasn’t holding you captive on her thighs. The urge to tell her again about your obligations to go back behind the bar still lingered in the back of your mind, but you knew Wanda knew. Relaxing back against her was your only option and the more you thought about it, the less you minded. She knew everything about this place, taking her day-to-day tasks very seriously and making sure every cog remained perfectly in place. But sometimes she was selfish; she had a fierce jealous streak and her need to possess threatened to consume her every day.

Consequently, Wanda made it her mission to know everything about you. She wanted you and like the supportive wife she was, Natasha wanted you too. So she left it to her wife to take you and bring you to them. After all, Wanda Maximoff had a way with people.

maybe something like interviewer asking her sexist questions and the boys stand up for her , after that interview she feels insecure and the boys comfort her . that's just an idea you don't have to write it !! <33

I hope you like it, and I'm so sorry about the delay 😭 I couldn't find my footing with this one, and I hope it's what you wanted ! Have a lovely day 💙

The One Where They're There For Her

Pairing - One Direction x Reader (6thmember!female!reader)

Fandom - One Direction (Directioners)

Summary - A particularly sexist interview decides to reduce you to just a sexual being and makes no effort to hide his misogyny. But the boys are there to support you.

Warnings - sexualization of the lgbt community, sexist comments, swearing, (honestly I hated myself for writing some of the comments here,and I'm so sorry)

Being a part of the biggest band in the world comes with certain responsibilities. Not responsibilities that come along with signing a recording contract, but those that a person deems themselves responsible for. For example, as the only female in a boyband, a female with a fanbase as large as yours, you took it upon yourself to always stand up for what's right, and to be an ally for the causes close to your heart.

That meant that your social media was often flooded with information about important causes, or your opinions on issues like feminism. Was it always well received? Heck no. There were people filled your feed with hate and comments calling you the most horrible names and labelling you a 'man hater' and a 'bitch' But you didn't let it get to you. On most days. On days like today, it was all you could do to keep it together. It had been a tiring few days, touring, recording, performing and doing an endless amount of interviews and photoshoots. It was safe to say you were on the last of your nerves, having battled your way through a makeup artist who had insisted on pointing out your flaws and had used a shit ton of makeup to cover them up. You had battled a photographer who had not hesitated to tell you that if you didn't look more feminine people would think you were turning into a man.

Before you could retaliate, Paul had dragged him away and told management to cancel the photoshoot, and find another photographer before grabbing the six of you some sandwiches and had let you all go back for a quick power nap at the hotel. Then in about half an hour he had woken you up, to get you ready for another interview. That's how you were here, in a white jumpsuit and a black blazer jacket, paired with black heels. Another day, another interviewer that got on your nerves. But this one, this one was different. This interviewer was different, but also the same. Another misogynistic man who thought he was entitled to stare at your ass and cleavage, and eye fuck you as you settled into a seat in between Niall and Zayn.

Settling in, you crossed one knee over the other, plastering a fake smile onto your face, as the man leaned back in his chair, throwing you a sleazy smirk. Noticing the look, Zayn shifted so you were out of view of the interviewer, but in view of the audience. It was in moments like this that you were a 100× more grateful to have your boys. They were well aware of how sleazy some interviewers could be, having had plenty of experience with them, and Zayn and Louis in particular were very protective about the way you were treated. Squeezing your thigh softly, he leaned back a little, lips settling into a thin line as he looked at the interviewer with a cold look. A little behind, Louis threw the interviewer a dirty look.

"So, One Direction! Congratulations on the album, as you all know its out on November the 22nd, with eighteen new songs, including the singles Night Changes and Steal My Girl Speaking of stealing girls, do you think I could steal your number Y/N? And may I mention, you look ver, very hot in that outfit" The interviewer joked, throwing you what he thought was a sexy smirk. (P.S - it wasn't) Answering with an awkward laugh, you shook your head, as Niall tensed up beside you. "Aww come on, your'e a pretty girl, I'm a handsome guy, let's go out sometime" he pressed on, ignoring the growing anger in Harry's eyes. "That's umm, nice. But no thanks, I'm not going to go out with you" was your answer, as you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. Picking up on your nervous tic, Zayn moved his hand to rest on your knee, stopping it from bouncing up and down.

"Aww come on baby, what is it? You like girls or something? Because I wouldn't mind being a part of that action either" the sleazebag chuckled, ignoring the disgusted look Liam sent his way. "That's rude" Liam said, while Zayn tightened his grip on your knee. "Oh come on lads, are you telling me the idea doesn't appeal to you? Two women together, mm, makes me all excited just thinking about it, especially if one of them's Y/N" That comment was all it took for Louis to stand up, turning to the man and saying in a voice much rougher than his usual voice, "Alright, that's fuckin' enough, what the fuck is actually wrong with you?" he was backed up by Liam, who stood up, going to tower over the interviewer, whose eyes had lost some of the sleazy look in them. "All you've done since we walked in here is make those disgusting comments about Y/N, and it's sickening. Have some fucking respect" he practically spat.

Behind him, Zayn took your hand in his and pulled you to your feet, noticing the slight glossiness in them, leading you back to the dressing rooms, while Niall, Liam, Louis and Harry stayed back to continue to snap at the interviewer. "That is no way to treat a woman, and not only are you disrespecting her, you also made those god awful events about seeing women together. Your'e a shame to every single person in this room by talking like that" Harry continued, glancing over his shoulder to check if you were okay.

"And no, it doesn't excite us, because we are not assholes, and you are, a disgusting sleaze who does not deserve the job he has. Fuckin loser" Niall chimed in, standing up and storming out. Louis stood up as well, turning to directly face the cameras and the cameramen and sound technicians, who had all looked shocked when the man had made his comments towards you. "I sure as hell hope you have that on record, so you can see just how fucking sexist this industry is to women. Y/N does the same job as us, works just as hard and has the same number of awards, nominations, and records and yet you decide to only focus on her body, clothes, love life and sexuality. Get a fucking life" he spat at the camera, before walking away himself, eventually followed by Harry and Liam, who apologized to the outraged fans before leaving themselves. As they made their way to the dressing rooms they could hear the audience telling the interviewer to apologize to you, their anger at the way you were treated echoing through the building.

Walking in, Harry caught sigh of you curled up in one of the armchairs, with Louis sitting beside you, while Niall and Zayn talked to a furious Paul. "He had no damn right to treat her like shite, and you need to make sure that he knows those comments were un-fuckin-acceptable" Niall was saying, looking angrier than Harry had ever seen him. "And to make those sickening comments about wanting to get action? Can't we sue him for something?" Was Zayn's reply, glancing over his shoulder at you to make sure you were still okay. "We can't sue him, atleast I don't think we can, but I'll have someone let the smug bastard know that he needs to learn how to respect a woman" Paul said, before leaving the room to give the six of you some time together before you had to head back to the hotel.

"How're you feeling darling?" Louis said, moving over and patting your knee so you moved. "I'm okay" you mumbled back, letting Louis settle in next to you, leaning back to rest on his chest. "He had no fuckin right to say any of that, and don't you let it trouble you for a second" Zayn added, pouring out a cup of tea for you and for Louis and Harry. "I don't care about what he said, I couldn't care less, but it was just so frustrating, sitting there and listening to him just sexualize a whole community of people. You've got to be in a really sad place to think of shit like that. That's what annoyed me. You think I give a damn about what he said about my clothes or wanting to take me out on a date? It was the way he was talking, like he was sure any woman would be glad to have him that irked me. He's really tiresome" was your reply, as you reached forward for a sip of your tea. "That's the right attitude love. Haters gonna hate" Harry said.

"I know that. But I just wish I could punch him once, which sounds mean, but he does kind of deserve it" Niall said, earning a laugh from you. Niall was never usually aggressive, and even now, he wasn't particularly rude but it was rare to see him wanting to punch someone. "It's okay Niall, you don't have to. I can do it myself, but I won't" you replied, leaning up to squeeze his hand. "Besides, Ni, if you went and punched him, I'd do it too, and then we'd all go to jail" Liam chimed in, scrolling through his twitter. "Twitter isn't happy either babe. #stopsexualization and #Y/Ndeservesbetter is trending already" he added, showing you his phone. "If it means some of these sexist asses get their heads out of the sand, I'm happy. But I dont want to to think about it now" you replied, cuddling closer to the warmth radiating from Louis's body.

"Okay, we won't talk about it. Do you want to go back to the hotel?" Harry asked, standing up and walking to the door "No I want to go to Nando's. Anybody else hungry?" You asked, to nods of assent from the boys. "I'm starving. Those stupid sandwiches didn't fill me up at all" Zayn said, standing up to grab his coat and wallet. "I know and I'm craving some hot Peri Peri chicken with some fries. Do you think they'd let me put the lemon and herb sauce on the fries?" You asked, standing up yourself, earning a laugh from Louis. "Your'e an international superstar babe, I think they'd give you some lemon herb sauce" Liam joked.

Laughing, the six of you made your way to the car, with Harry and Niall squishing you in between them, as Louis sat in the back with Liam, and Zayn sat in the front with Paul (he was driving thank GOD) "I'm proud of you darling" Harry chimed in suddenly. "I am too" Niall added. "You know I am" Louis said, before Liam added "Always babe" and Zayn turned to smile at you before adding, "We are all proud of you, and we always will be, not only because you do a damn good job of not listening to the haters, but because you do what you think is right" "Awh come on, your'e gonna make me cry" you mumbled, leaning into Niall's shoulder. "Almost makes me feel bad for teasing you about having an extremely low spice tolerance the last time we were at Nando's Haz" you smirked, earning a roar of laughter from the boys.

"That chicken was spicy love!" "It was lemon and herb with no peri peri!" "And it was spicy!"

And just like that, you were back to messing around with each other. Sleazy interviewers would come and go, but your boys were always there to support you. Always.

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A/N - Thanks for reading ! I'd also like to apologize on the behalf of this fictitious interviewer I made up, I felt so bad while writing some of this 😭 anyways, I hope this is what you wanted! Enjoy !

Tags - @zaynkissbot @gucci-hazza @bxtchboy69

you are cruel and you know what you’re doing to us!!!! now if this isn’t a little series like you said 😫 and low key i feel like mans is a bit of a player and this is how he picks up women. being all high and mighty fourth date bullshit timothee chalamets character in lady bird type beat. or he’s just furthering the hard to get plan 🤔 either way it’s hot and i will be reading anything you write

He’s obviously very intelligent in more than just a cookie-cutter textbook sense, seen in how he can talk philosophy and opinions all day, and she likes it because it’s interesting to pick at peoples’ brains, especially when that person is so well-versed and confident in their theories and outlooks. It makes him a little intimating, but she loves it because he stimulates her emotionally and in conversation, so she knows that they’re compatible in more than just physical attraction, and then him putting down the rule only makes her want him more because it’s a challenge.

But she’d probably bring it up at one point or another in a moment of insecurity. “Harry?”

“Mmhm?”

“Be honest with me for a second, will you?”

“If you insist.”

“Are you playing me? Like, are you just…using me?”

He’d go quiet for a second, and after a moment of contemplation and giving her the blankest look she’s ever seen on a human face, he’d burst into laughter. “If I wanted to fuck you and leave, I could have done that by now. I would have done it the night after the coffee shop, when you were practically begging for me to do just that.”

“True, but I can’t help but think—”

“Hemingway,” he sighs the nickname in a blasé tone (he’d started referring to her by famous authors the second he learned she was a literature student), and the action gives away that he seems tired with the conversation, “I could have slept with you and run the second we met, and would have lost absolutely nothing in the process. But I didn’t, and now here we are, walking along the pier eating ice cream while talking about the conspiracies involved with the Medici family. I could be with anyone else if I really wanted to, but I’m not, so that has to count for something, doesn’t it?”

“I suppose.”

“Mm. Instead, I’m here with you, talking about murder and adultery while watching you deepthroat that cone like you’ve never tasted peach sherbet before, and I can tell you’re desperate to hold my hand but you’re too scared to reach for it because you think I might pull away.”

Y/N blinks at him in stunned silence. How is he so good are seeing right through her? “I—”

“Isn’t that right?” Harry prods, a smug simper working its way across his cream-smeared lips as he walks beside her with slow, confident strides, one large hand tucked into the pocket of his slacks casually as the other rotates the waffle cone in his grasp, allowing him to lick his treat in uniform circles to avoid any spillage. His cardigan billows in the slight breeze fanning in from the beach, his eyes gleaming in the last rays of the setting sun as it sinks over the horizon, and it’s almost like the faint drops of amber around his pupils are absorbing the golden light as it cascades over the ocean. He licks his cookie dough dessert off his rosy mouth, glimpsing at her expectantly over the rim of his blocky glasses with a kink in one of his brows. “Do you want to hold my hand, yes or no?”

“I don’t know if…if you—”

“Just answer the question.”

Yes. “I—I mean, I wouldn’t be against it if you wanted to. But common sense and deduction tells me that if you wanted to, you would have done it already, and I can read between the lines enough to understand that—”

“Y/N.” Harry gives her a flat look.

“Yeah?”

“Just hold my fucking hand.”

“It’s in your pocket.” She mumbles dumbly, too overwhelmed to state anything other than the obvious.

Harry removes his hand from his trousers, offering it to her nonchalantly, almost as if he’s bored with this interaction. “Not anymore.”

Y/N’s eyes flicker between his outstretched palm and his indifferent expression, trying to decipher whether this is a trick or not. Harry has a weird habit of being unintentionally detached sometimes, which makes him difficult to read, and she’s struggling to do so now as she decides whether he’s doing this for her benefit or if he genuinely wants to be affectionate with her. “Are you sure?”

Harry huffs roughly, rolling his eyes before reaching forward and snatching her palm from where its gripping her cone. The motion almost sends her ice cream rolling across the wooden deck, and it’s a good thing she’d had both hands around the base, or she would be sherbet-less right about now.

She watches hollowly as Harry entangles his fingers between the cracks of her own, and the way their palms fit together perfectly sends an odd buzzing across the tips of her ears. He drums the pads of his digits across her knuckles distractedly as he finishes sifting their hands together snugly, giving her a soft squeeze for good measure. He holds up the intertwined pair, shaking them for emphasis as he cracks an airy grin in her direction. “There. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No.” She whispers quietly, staving off a smitten smile in order to spare her dignity, hiding her lips behind the mountain of frozen fruit juice in her possession. “It wasn’t.”

“Your hands are warm, but not sweaty, which is good. I would have dropped it if it was.” He comments, only half-joking as he allows their joined fingers to plop back down against his thigh. He begins swinging the duo back and forth lightly as they walk, returning his gaze towards the end of the pier, surveying a group of friends as they play volleyball in a nearby court. “That shit irks me.”

“Volleyball?”

“Sweaty hands.”

“Understandable.”

“Not yours, though. They’re soft.”

“Thanks.”

“Aren’t you gonna compliment me back?”

“Yours are soft, too. Happy now?”

“Just peachy.”

Y/N snorts at his pun, which is a nod towards the flavor of the sorbet she’s eating, and any nerves she’d been wrestling earlier ebb away until there’s nearly nothing left. “Nice one.”

“I’ll be here all week, folks!”

The two giggle at his stupid Bugs Bunny impression, and Y/N doesn’t know if Harry notices, but she can feel his thumb start to rub tenderly across her knuckles. She doesn’t bring it up for fear that it might stop, but she definitely jots it down in the mental notepad she keeps in relation to him, which she stashes away deep in her subconscious. Public displays of affection is a yes. Hand-holding is a yes. Sweaty hands is a no. She vaguely wonders if he makes an exception during sex.

After a moment of comfortable emptiness and a few more laps at his dessert, Harry speaks up once more, his accent delicate and fond as he addresses her, his face neutral but slightly wistful. “Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“I wanted to.”

Her brows furrow in confusion at his random remark. “Wanted to what?”

“I wanted to hold your hand.”