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#and i know its stupid and im naive to have trusted them but knowing this

sapientiia · 3 months

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i have so much shit to say and so many emotions and i cannot express them. ever. i open my mouth to speak and before i can care enough to say it, i stop. because i just cant care. i cared too much in the midst of abuse and now i cant. i cant date, i cant be vulnerable, i cant stomach the idea of letting someone in and experiencing life together, its almost gross. it IS gross. it feels naive and stupid and unwise to even attempt trust. and when i think i find a man just like me - he ends up being emotional, and attached to my hip, and expecting things of me like being together and caring about me which ultimately grosses me out. and i have communicated this to him, but men will see a girl like me, insist they're the same, and try to psychoanalyze me and save me. i dont need saving, not anymore, i already managed that on my own in silence. i cant roll my eyes hard enough. how do you become who you were before abuse, i know you cant. not like i was anyhthing at 6 years old, the whole colour palette of my life was muted far too early. and now, to reenter society, i have to pretend to care. i have to pretend to make connections, to laugh and tgo enjoy small talk. im going to go fucking insane

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julie-schwieters-supremacy · 6 months

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tw vent

idek. i hate having to get up in the mornings and having to go out and be okay and im hurting inside all the time and im used to bottling it up except im not sure how good i do that and i just have the hurt and the everything stuck inside me and it really makes me want to die everything is the same and i really. dont think theres anything worth staying for anymore. there is nothing i want more than to die and disintegrate into ashes and dust and fly to sunlit forests until the wind sweeps me somewhere else again. im still telling myself, i have a future, what about our childhood dreams, what about moving out, what about giving my kids the childhood they deserve, what about living a better life and getting better for myself, what about being a psychiatrist and helping people, what about living with my friends, what about the things ill never get to do. but i really dont know if thats enough. i dont even know if hes enough to make me stay anymore. where did i go wrong? how did i go from young and naive and loving everyone and everything in my own little world to this? destroying myself with everything i do and constantly wanting to die? life is so underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time and im worried about everyone. like these 2 people are dealing with everything but i just want them to be okay. they dont deserve the hurt and negative feelings and i wish i could take it away or they could at least give it to me because theyre the best thing to ever happen to me and i really love them but theyre dealing with stuff too and i check in and do what i can but i dont think im good enough to be there for them. they have other friends and other closer friends i feel like but sometimes they vent or tell me about their problems and i wish i could make it all better. they deserve the world and i love them so much theyve both been through a lot and i just love these 2 people so so so much they mean so much to me except i dont know how to show it and i dont want them to think im being weird or anything i dont want to talk to someone about it because i feel so stupid when they comment on it and i feel like im being attention seeking and i just hate it and i hate how i even need to vent because why cant i be okay i didnt want this i feel so much hurt sometimes i dont even know why and its so much that it turns physical and into a pain in my chest and i feel like my heart is being clawed out and someone is squeezing my lungs and dicing it up into little pieces and some of them call it love and others are just like that and i feel like a puppet sometimes and i feel really fucking dead sometimes and i cant do anything well or at all and i feel so replaceable sometimes because there could be someone better because i feel like everyone hates me sometimes and i want to be better except i cant because this is the way i am and i really hate it because why cant i be perfect and good and be there for my friends and not mess up the relationships i have and maybe i wouldnt be left out all the time and maybe i would be the friend that walks with the other friends on the sidewalk and maybe i would be the friend that they tell their secrets to and maybe i would be the friend that makes their life at least a little better and maybe i would be the friend they trust with their life and maybe we would have that connection and i want it so badly but whenever i try it just doesnt work and i am so tired im so tired of life i dont know where i went wrong and i just want to go so bad and never come back but whos going to be the one taking everything that he throws at us so my siblings wont have to grow up with the trauma and end up how i did and who would be the one to check in on them because no one else will and who will be the one who teaches my sister that its okay to love and not be okay and who will teach both of my siblings that love is okay and being yourself is okay and who will be the one who is there for him when he needs it and i just sfkghj

#tw vent #tw suicide #tw rant #tw trauma #mentions of death #vent #irl people please ignore this whole thing im good #swearing cw #tw abuse #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressive

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pacifymebby · 11 months

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Hey Layla! I’m curious.. who is a fictional character you find yourself identifying with? And why? I feel like it says a lot about a person 🥰

Hiii <3 i love this question but omg its difficult.

Here me out on this one but

Mole (Wind in the Willows)

🌿 He starts off so quiet/reserved and isolated, he lives his quiet underground life minding his own business and well, i guess staying in his comfort zone... But he does have the desire for adventure, later whenever ratty is shaking his head and not wanting to go along with toads plans, its moley who is like "oo but it could? Be fun" like he's uncertain but he has this kind of want for excitement. Which is very much me as i have been my whole life, im really shy, and I'm anxious about things, but i have a curiosity that means whilst i do prefer my comfort zone and my little house with all my little things, theres still something inside me that craves the excitement and draws me to the wild wood. Like i too would have heard ratty say "we don't go there" and immediately been curious as to why.

🌿He's so anxious but so fiercly loyal to his friends that he faces his fears and puts himself in harms way to save his friends and I'm like that too, anxious, terrified to talk to people, but the moment a friend needs me, i find my voice for them. Also there's like a level of stupid to his loyalty, like when he goes into the wild woods on his own, doesnt even know where he's going but he just goes because he feels he has to for toad, so he just stumbles on in, knowing its a bad idea but doing it anyway. I do that alot haha

🌿 He's younger that badger and ratty and he really looks up to them in every way, like theyre not father figures but theyre older, wiser friends who moley looks to for protection and to learn from too, they show him the riverbank and all these new things like Messing about on boats!! And he really admires them but also trusts them immediately, almost naively, just trusts them and I feel like thats very much what i am like when i make friends with any male my age or above. I look for friends with that "take you under my wing" nurturing side to them. (like how me and B became friends, it was because he really did just keep me tucked under his wing)

🌿He's so earthy (yes i know he's a mole) but hes so earthy and he loves his dark damp mole hole with all of his little things, its his home and he loves it even though it isnt much and then when he's with Ratty and he realises that he can't remember where it is, and he cries and gets so sad. Like hes so me for real, i love my room, i love making myself a little home, a sanctuary kind of place thats mine that feels totally safe and cosy and comfortabke. And i will quite happily stay in it forever and ever like its my little nest if I get things just right.

Unnamed Narrator/second mrs de'winter (Rebecca /daphne du maurier)

🌿 Shes so young and she falls head over for a sophisticated older man who is more well educated, higher class status etc than she is and she is so taken in by him and like, naively swept off her feet. She's desperate for his approval and giddy whenever she gets it and what can I say... Reading this book made my daddy issues ten times worse because it normalised them haha

🌿 She really is like, an over emotional, naive little waif and she spends the whole novel feeling too much about the smallest of things. There are times when Max is a little sharp with her and she gets overwhelmed with sadness and guilt and shame ans humiliation all at once and sits there trying not to cry but crying anyway and like, literally last night i was overtired and sulking and B made a passing comment about me being in a foul mood and I waited until he'd left the room and then burst into tears with the intention of getting it out my system whilst he was gone (but he came back into the room unexpected and saw me and was just like oh...) like idk i feel like im a super dramatic takes everything to heart, really easily upset kind of girl? And also like happy things, people showing her basic kindness also sets her off and i too cry at the smallest kind gesture towards me.

🌿Here are some bits i took photos of when reading because i identified so hard haha

🌿 Shes also just deeply anxious about pleasing other people, living up to expectations, she thinks so much about everything and she spends so much time deeply embarrassed by her own perception of herself, whilst like, biting her nails over whether or not she is doing things right. Shes so aware of her own naivety and yet also not at all.

🌿Max is constantly calling her a silly little girl, B is constantly saying similar to me, for similar reasons (like he acts a little distant once, or forgets to be soft with me once and i become convinced he hates me haha)

Thank u for this it was fun, i do think ive basically revealed myself to be even more whimiscal and pathetic than we already thought though haha <3

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colourful-void · 1 year

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taking a break!

last stop: a bomb has been located and no ones really sure what to do yet. and while that's very pressing im also very sleepy so we'll get back to it.

Summary of thoughts:

its been 3 years and like a couple days since the last game! poor clover man she can't catch a damn break

alice what do you mean your father was murderered that raises 12 more questions

quark is such a funny lad i adore him

luna is intriguing

the question of how old phi is has now come up but i refuse to google it

while its kind of annyoing to use in practice i do like the notes in the game actually, it fits quite well with this new emphasis on colour. big fan!

i feel now is a good time to note that i play this game like. lying on the couch w/ the mouse on like. my leg or wherever theres room so the control system making moving around a bit annoying. i did not choose a great first room bcs having to go between the 4 rooms was stupid annoying when im horrible at scrolling. howeverit is like. vaccines bcs now i am prepared for all future occurances

everything here is so grimy....

i am 100% certain this game is in some part digital and if i am wrong i will draw. fanart of Hongou dying in a glue trap. that is a promise.

for those keeping score: 2 gold files (took an hour to get the second), only hit 2 split path choices (cyan door, trust alice)

alice... i mean... it is interesting right, that its so direct about do you trust them. and we couldnt coordinate ahead of time. bcs as it were it's 12 times easier to trust everyone in this game than the last! fundementally, we could all escape and everything could be so great if we all decided to work together, ya know? thats the tricky part then i guess. cause i know they wont bcs video game but like. we could so easily! in 999 that second inital 9 door was a gut punch, but here the door looms there and it just. laughs at me.

bcs it'd be so fucking easy if we all got along. and i know we wont.

for my first run tho i will naively trust everyone tho bcs im like that.

currently my favourites are clover (duh i always loved her), luna, quark, and alice? im still a lil annoyed w/ her for the betrayl but also like. yeah i get it.

if i had to choose a least favourite it's phi. what she doing!! idk. i dont dislike her, im just neutral.

this game is so weird. i dont mean virtures last reward (tho its also. weird. very weird.) but like. nonary game ambidex edition. listen i was confused why i was on the titanic but im REALLY confused why im in "nonary game facilty". why does it even exist. what. what day is it. what year is it.

but the questions are much more... lingering. if 999's questions hit like clock chimes, then VLR'S whisper around corners and dance in the edges of my vision, or whatever.

i continue whenever i feel like it!

#void nonary play #i say that like ppl are reading but its mainly me and like. 2 guys #2 guys reading this i love u btw #VLR #its gonna be funny lookin back on this

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misty-leaf · 2 years

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woo icon time :)

AWNYAYS HI HI HI i have ideas

so. so. hear me out. what if perhaps spottedcloud n meadowmoon both being the ppl who bring back the dark forest n starclan respectively is . switched up a little bit. lemme explain :

what if meadowmoon spends this whole time talking to cats she believes are starclan cats. she learns a lot from them. she trusts them! she doesnt quetsion why some of them have forever bleeding scars or why some of them dont have stars in their pelt. they're starclan cats! and clearly meadowmoon is in starclan when she visits them. they even gave her the name meadowmoon to connect her further to starclan!

meanwhile spottedcloud wholeheartedly thinks that..... something isnt right with these dark forest cats. they're too. hmm. civil. they're too nice to be dark forest cats. but she shrugs it off - perhaps starclan's judgement failed and these cats were sent to the dark forest wrongly. but spottedcloud definitely notices something . Fishy!

and then maybe its revealed to the both of them. perhaps in a freak accident, something happens which results in them both being hurt and fatally injured. perhaps they endup in the same gray area together and starclan cats appear to give judgement to them, perhaps meadowmoon doesnt recognize these cats as starclan cats.

but spottedcloud does.

and thus the reveal starts. these cats tell meadowmoon that this whole time she's been in the dark forest that was twisted and warped by the dark forest cats to make it look like starclan. meadowmoon is. well. shocked is an understatement, she's devastated. her whole life, her beliefs, her religion has crumbled to pieces in front of her.

spottedcloud's reveal that she's been training in starclan the whole time isn't shocking to her but the true starclan cats reactions to her being so willing to go against starclan to train in the dark forest, even if it was fake, was something the starclan cats disagreed with. it was a test for them to see where spottedcloud's loyalties truly lied.

and clearly, her loyalties didn't lie with starclan.

which was a problem.

clearly they're mad at meadowmoon too, for being so naive and stupid enoguh to think that the dark forest cats were starclan cats.

so because starclan thinks they're both in the wrong, they're given a choice.

one of them will stay alive and will live a normal life. when they die they will go to starclan regardless.

the other will die and be sent to the dark forest for all eternity.

but this is where im stuck because truly i dont want either of them to DIE but . yknow. they're in starclan. their SOULS are in starclan - when they first arrived their souls were barely visible as they were still alive but over time they get more and more visible as their bodies in the real world are dying. fast.

thats it thoguh thats all ur getting make up the ending for me because i dont know where else to go with this JKLKLJABSKLJBKJG

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rsvppitkincounty · 8 months

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1 hour poem free style on a quarter of laced adderall I got for my 21st birthday from my sorority roommate and friend

I can only be as real as;

even on here

where no one really sees;

I can only be as real as I'm allowed to be.

Cause I hear your laughs

I feel the smirks and whispers and stones

I want to include stupid lines

but maybe you might not like it,

(might not) like me

after that

and you won't give me a chance

Certainly less than you gave me before.

So I guess I'm protecting myself from...

something stupid and arbitrary for sure,

but from something I don't "care" for I guess?

Cause if you don't like the line or

the quip my brain think fits right

then my poem and song is missing something

like the final harmony

of Who I Am.

And the thing is

I do care,

I'm an empath like that,

I want you to want me

im begging you to beg me.

Cause im not sure about my stupid lines

They're dumb and naive

and sound like a joke

that's not worth even care about.

cause its just there for laughs

and I didn't mean it.

But I mean it all,

even the things I don't know nothing about

I Mean It All

Unless I said it cause I couldn't stay quiet.

I need to say what I need to say.

You might not get it

but I want to ask you to try.

And even if you don't (get it)

or even try to

then I won't ask twice

cause I never do

but also because

that's all I need to know.

But also something light for quips

is still mine and

im still speaking so

it shouldn't be less valuable

to me.

Its hard when I can't hear your sighs ooo's and ahh's

or see your eyes shift away from mine

or hear your nervous laugh.

'that's way too much for such a commonplace joke' I think;

'Or maybe you find something within that funny' I ponder.

But I can't hear you over compensating in your language

When youre not here

And I can't feel you trying to touch me

or trying to get near.

I can't see how you go about it.

I can't hear what youre humble or boasting about.

I can't sense when you decide to let your ego drive.

I can't pick up on how much silence/pause there is.

In between words, or sentences, or ideas,

I can only sense my minds eye watching myself

and she's hardly right,

she's just a frail young earthworm on a leaf,

after all.

I want to enter any conversation asking if youre mad or still like me

I want to know what you think about it all and then about me,

take it from the top every time.

How you think

Why you think.

I want to know it all

maybe then

ill be able to predict what I don't know

or have never thought about.

I know only one perspective,

after all.

Maybe if I know your numbers and calculations,

your methods

I might know what you are willing to do,

and want to do

which is scarier

cause I've known bad men.

I see them everywhere

in you, and in me.

I see the ease with which greed

and iron fists are slung.

I know because I feel it within me too.

And I want to cry

cause I would use you like a rag doll

and call you pretty to your ugly face

and no one, especially you

would suspect me

you'd want it to be true

it could be if we were honest with each-other

you might sense, like me, that it's not right.

but you would dismiss it

like anxieties usually are;

ignored and disputed even though theyre right

cause how can you believe what you did not see,

or thought you saw, technically

You can't fully let that go

When your body convulses in warnings and fear

You can ignore it and 'be optimistic'

But you end up empty,

believing and wanting nothing

Don't let your therapist confidant tell you

what you believe is silly

before they understand you to your core and out

then once more

Cause theyre Professional and Qualified

and they Know More Than You

cause they Read Books

and Wrote tons of Essays

then got to fulfill their Purpose

of "Helping People"

Anyway

you would choose to trust me.

And I would use that

I would use you.

I could use you.

and you might not care, as you've told me before.

Even if I do with gentle hands and words

that trace slowly over you soft body

pausing when I want to stare.

You're not in my heart

the part with lock and key

stuck in a casing of a metal block

perfectly molded around every crevice

About 3 meters deep on each side.

I've just started to chip away.

I have a couple scratches so far, if you were curious.

My only tools your love

and my fake plastic nails.

Caring (about you) doesn't help with (your) feelings

cause you'll never feel like the porn star of classic literature

unless you

love me touch me right

so I can expand my love beyond the stars.

Cause I would give anything for you,

I would've left you alone with my body.

I might/could still do that

cause sometimes a touch is better than none

but in reality we know its not,

Cause caring doesn't help with feeling,

Cause how do you explain feeling empty and alone

when someones there as they scratch your back and say youre okay.

And even when you hear you're a good person

It still all falls flat

just like your face after I've left for real

I don't choose to believe that other people like me

because I know where my soul lingers

and only I know the disrespectful things I've thought about you.

I won't ask you to take care of me

cause I know you don't want to.

I would feel guilty.

I ask for too much and im never enough.

Thats the theme of my life, so far

And I know its true, cause lots of people live with sanity about the things that make me scream with pain at each fading thought

I used to want to be a rag doll for almost anyone

but the list gets narrower every time.

Then exponentially expands when I notice my problems

after opening my mouth or mind.

Anyone can open their mouth

and show me the evil man behind their curtain

playing with MY rag doll.

You selfish cunt,

it was mine, it is mine, it will always have to be mine!

but now after your disgusting hands

were given a chance to play

I am forced to have to feel them

at night when youre no where near anymore.

I'm glad filed your nails for me

and that you don't cary moldy dirt under your them.

but youre not much better than

The evil man being the curtain.

And I thought you were just a boy

who wanted to play.

With my rag doll out of love (and respect)

of the human marvel of commotion and,

sparkle within every particle.

I thought you knew my rag doll was new and

you saw the purity as a gift I've kept out of fear.

Fear of not being loved

or loved enough to be cared out

or loved enough to be respected

or loved enough to be listened to.

Fear of not being loved enough to be seen as

myself and how unique I am as myself.

I thought sex meant something to you,

besides being able to know

or tell others, if youre doomed

that my rag doll was in your hands once.

cause that doesn't mean shit you know.

My rag doll was never your

even when you held it.

My rag doll is mine and

you'll never get another chance to feel it

so you hold on to those metaphysical

pictures tingling sensations down your spine

that is a memory

and you'll never be satisfied.

I will never see you

as something other than an evil man

with his 2 inch dick in his hand.

and a puppet falling off the strings

just like your balls

which make your dick look

less emasculated,

and non photogenic.

Your rotting muscles,

like mine.

I will never stay in that mindset

that men flaunt.

Cause I'm my own human and

I want be seen

as I hold the rag doll.

You can decide whether or not

you ever want to be loved like that.

Sex and love are not separable,

no matter which whore you fuck

Then may peace be with you as you experience

eternal unhappiness, suffering, and unsatisfaction,

and complete total hell from my crystal ball.

But I'm not choosing to let my rag doll

be smacked around

and beaten over the head by an evil man.

If I can help it that is,

may those woman and their rag dolls be afforded that only greater than heaven forever more.

Woman are men by the way,

but as they've grown and stand now

we need to take accountability for the men they foster.

at the very least in this poem, in my words.

And even if I never know you felt that way,

I can extrapolate data

and build a shitty narrative

however I please

because you haven't shown me otherwise.

and youre too shy to tell me anything other than

how my beauty looks to you

and makes you feel (just that once).

So if you can't show or tell,

and want me to know how you feel

Ill have to refuse because that evil man in the mirror

Im not going to trust you

based on deep longing looks alone.

Cause everything is behind deep dark eyes

the whole fucking world

And I want to be in the world

not just watching and wishing,

I could be a part of your world.

One which you can keep secret from me

but one which I'm forced to divulge

cause I have no choice but to.

Im a person who can't be nonchalant

and keep my heart at bay

with my legs spread apart,

or when you ask me about my poetry.

I shouldn't expect people to be nice,

or care about me.

Especially the sore parts.

I learn that more everyday.

Yet more everyday

it feels like im expected

to return the favor

that got lost in the mail for me.

I know now to expect them to honor dignity

at the very least,

know some part of her, at the very least.

or whatever version it is you showed me

on wednesday.

Im not sure yet.

It was more than im used to that's for sure, so thx ig.

So look into my eyes you sweet naive human

we can both learn and grow

if you show me and tell me

about what the evil man tells you

and why you shot him out back.

cause if they choose to let him loose

or if they choose to hide him

behind the curtain

and then he peaks out into the crowd

AT MY RAGDOLL

I'll wish you fucking dead

they could've kept him chained with fear

at the very fucking least

but they chose to use it

against me

put on a fucking show in my fucking face

and then

ask me to forgive them?

or even worse

to accept what I didn't ask for.

to accept what I didn't know I was asking for

just cause I lacked enough care growing up

to be asked or even told.

I can stare at a rock

and smile at their crevices.

but if you knew how little I thought of you,

you'd be very upset with me

I don't need Love to have sex

Ive never had sex and I can't see love around and about me.

but I need, feel, and see love everywhere still.

so I guess I would have sex with a rock.

And ill continue to be easy

cause that's what I am .

My legs stay open and my heart stays closed

trying to squeeze

through the block of metal

which has no bars, yet

But you'll never feel what satisfaction is

when you act like that with me.

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reidlover13 · 10 months

Text

I hate him - Vent post not a story

This is a vent post!

I met this guy online. I saw him and thought he was cute so I gave him a follow and thought nothing else of it. next thing i know he followed me back and was liking some of my videos. we started talking on the platform and hit it off being funny to each other and eventually got talking on other platforms more often. I really began to fall for this guy (stupid me) and he showed signs of liking back. mind you he states away from me. and so for the next month we are talking and are really enjoying it on both sides. one day were talking and mentioning how we like each other that day i send him a video with something like im glad we met and i hope you stay awhile. he texts me immediately that he will stay i say im happy he says he is also happy and we begin talking about how he ordered clothes and i wanted to see them and he said he would show me first thing and everything is normal. cut to the next day its normal until that night where we both were unconcidentally drinking. we are talking and having fun and we start to get more flirty as the night goes on. he begins to turn the conversation sexual and i just follow because i really liked him and it was fun and i was drunk. so some things happened and it was amazing whatever. we say goodnight to each other with silly pet names and i go to bed. that night i had the most amazing dream with him in it. it was just super sweet he was comforting me through some family drama and i felt loved and loving towards him like the best dream ive had in quite some time. I wake up late afternoon the next day and go to message him. it says to add him as a friends okay weird i check the other platforms and begin to see that he blocked me on everything. i sit in my room confused like what the fuck it was going so well. then i get mad and sad, mad at him and mad at me. im absolutely heartbroken that ive been ghosted as i really really liked this guy. i begin to realize ive been played and he only fucking used me for a quick fuck. as mad as i was i sent him a message on his alt account i found just wishing him well with things, i doubt hell see it, but if he does i hope he realizes that he just lost someone who truly cared about him and was nothing but nice and loving to him. I gave him EVERYTHING he wanted. i never did anything he didnt like or talked bad about him. he didnt even have to deceny to say anything just act all lovey dovey and blocked me. im actually so fucking mad and now depressed and dont know what to do. i decided after YEARS to put my trust into someone and they just rip it all away. i truly just feel like shit and like some naive little girl who just cant seem to do right anymore. i fucking hate him and hope i never see him again. i should have seen the fucking signs but skipped it bc he called me pretty. so um tuna if you ever see this go fuck yourself again!

#tw vent #vent post #fuck men #i hate him #tw sex mention

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theskyexists · 1 year

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FLAMES! FLAMES!!!!! ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!!!!!

okdamn yeah that went completely differently than i extrapolated instantly which i knew ofc

how does ‘not involving suletta’ translate to taking aerial away from her

SULETTA LOOKS SO HAPPY TALKING ABOUT THEM GETTING MARRIED OH MY GODDDD!!!!!! thats kind of different from how i imagined things would go!!! i mean not very different but damnnnnn SHES OPENLY LIKE; WE’RE GETTING MARRIED :D :D :D

she wants to see miorine bc she knows she said something that’s....OFF

BUT FUCKING ELAN SHOWS UP

the lesson guel drew from all of that was: i want to rebuild the killer-machine company that my dad built. i mean...understandable? but he really has not used a single shred of his experience to think about wider social implications. so hes taking over as president - but - he’s re-enrolling? what.

‘but now i can move forward, you taught me how’ HUUUUUHHHH? he lost everything because he lost to Suletta. She gave him one lil phrase and praised his fighting (he was jealous of her ‘good parent’ and he became infatuated) then he ran away to work as a prole and he killed his dad. he was kidnapped, held hostage, a poor earthian girl died in his arms due to a benerit group attack. and he learned to ‘move forward’ BECAUSE OF SULETTA???????????? ah he actually fell in love with her. lol. i guess she....was a beacon to him maybe? never got any sense she was

WOW SULETTA IS LIKE WOWWWWWWW. BUT SHE HAS SOMEONE WHO IS PRECIOUS TO HER. WHAT. THEY ARE GOING EXTREMELY MAINTEXT.

why is Miorine going along with Prospera’s bargain. she’s dumber than i thought.....

WHAT THE FUCK. why go in for jeturk as an ally when its become such a shit company??

‘reclaim your bride from suletta’ JFC. (very sexy way of saying it) and she didnt even tell suletta. she doesnt trust her at alll. she really is manouvering to take aerial away from suletta?????? without her knowledge or consent. without explaining herself??? this is so shit lol.

surely prospera didn’t want to lose aerial to jeturk????

wow miorine is the worst. she really looked at suletta and thought: i love you but you’re so god! DAMN! DUMB! im gonna manipulate you as hard as your mother ever manipulated you.

shes being so stupid. and guel should have said much louder: there are no worlds without gundams. (you’re being an idiot.)

GUEL CLAIMS TO LOVE SULETTA BUT GOES ALONG WITH MIORINE’S PLAN OF RUINING SULETTA’S LIFE HOLY SHIT

so iguess it really is prospera’s plan almost entirely. get a Big House ally through the marriage game. Not sure how that will help Miorine become president though when Jeturk is in the shitter

isnt guel scared hes gonna get a big ptsd moment right now. i wrote this just before he had a big ptsd moment

OH MY GOD. this is exactly the thing i was like - gunning for - because SULETTA NEVER GOT TO HEAR MIORINE SAY: I WILL STAY BY YOUR SIDE FOREVER IN RESPONSE

wow suletta actually fell in love. and she ACTUALLY PROPOSED DURING A DUEL AND WAS STABBED IN THE FUCKING BACK!!!!!!!!!! WOW FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!

I must conclude that prospera does not AT ALL care about Suletta. it’s settled. All she cares about is seeing glimpses of eri through her helmet.

ok so i guess prospera inferred correctly that miorine wanted to remove suletta from dueling, gundams and battle entirely. miorine correctly inferred that aerial is the link that allows prospera to control her most directly. the ‘thing’ that made suletta into a killer. But she’s so damn naive to think she can somehow cut suletta out of the whole game. that prospera would ever keep her word. that this would ever turn out well. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!! THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT TO THROTTLE MIORINE

NOT JUST THAT. BUT SHE MADE IT SEEM LIKE SULETTA FAILED HER!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR BEING THIS DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I THOUGHT SHE WAS SMARTER!!!!!!!!!!

but shes just a sixteen year old princess after all.

she admits to it immediately. now dont fucking lie

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. SHE LIES!!!!!!!!!!! SHE LIES!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS STUPID FUCKING IDIOT GIRL!!!! WHERE DOES SHE THINK SULETTA IS GONNA GO??????????? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE CHARACTERS THAT GO: oh i love you so much so i’ll just decide FOR YOU to ‘protect’ you and not tell you about it at all - sacrifice myself to the power game and chase you away.

shes repeating not just prospera but also her DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she responded so intelligently to prospera - i thought she’d be smarter

GUEL AND MIORINE ARE BOTH COMPLETE PSYCHOPATHS. THEY CLAIM TO LOVE SULETTA THEN TAKE EVERYTHING LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE THING AWAY FROM HER. FUCK THIS!!!! FUCK !!! THIS!!!!!!

i hate plots like this, because i find it so hard to forgive the characters that do this. i find it so nearly impossible. i hope she fucking dies. throw the whole girl in the fucking furnace. fuck off. stupid ass shit rich idiot dumb scumbag

how will the fix this? how will they fucking fix this???? when she repeats exactly the fears that suletta had implanted by elan?? how the FUCK are they going to fix this im so goddamn fucking angry. i thought it was going to GRUESOME. this isn’t gruesome it’s INFURIATING

DID MIORINE REALLY SAY: i sabotaged you, because i didnt want you, and also you cant help me now byeeeeee

suletta....is gonna go back to prospera? she has no one else? what the fuck

what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why would she play it like this? why? i just.....what kind of stupid ass fucking bullshit is this. WHAT THE FUCK I HATE PLOTS LIKE THIS I HATE THE WRITERS I HATE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH

what stupid ass grown-up would vote for a 17-year-old as president ANYWAY??????

Guel and Miorine really listening to this shit. aren’t the rules that hes holder and can’t refuse?

I hope they die, i hope they both die. I hope they suffer. i know guel suffered and i was like: oh poor poor kid. oh no. and now he’s doing to suletta exactly the same thing: making her lose everything.

Miorine is doing to her what Prospera does AND what Delling did to her. Cycles of abuse or whatever.

they wrote this purely for the stupid nonsensical heartbreak. really? you’re telling me miorine thought: you know what - prospera is too fierce an enemy - instead, i will tear suletta’s heart apart just to have her.............? land in prospera’s arms again?

she’s an idiot.

I can’t even...i can’t even think of a single thing they could do to miorine that would soothe my heart. to publicly, in front of all their fucking friends, and the whole world , to tell her these things, absolutely destroy everything they had and tell her to fuck off and nothing was ever real when she was PROPOSING. i cant think of anything nothing like nothing. i cannot see how i could ever forgive her. its ironic i read a fanfic in which suletta does something similar (not as bad) to miorine by forfeiting. and i was so upset i was like: they talked about it i guess but my heart is not soothed.

i cannot fathom how my heart could be soothed in this canon case

SO IRONIC THAT I WROTE THE OPPOSITE TO THIS. THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE. THAT I REALLY THOUGHT MIORINE WAS SMARTER THAN THIS

Why the fuck is miorine being so cruel? i hope she dies. i hope earth house tells her to fuck off. i hope she cries alone in her bed every day. i hope she realises she made a huge mistake. i hope she understands she lost her greatest ally and friend. i hope she gets that she did the wrong thing in every respect - morally, strategically, interrelationally. I hope she suffers - not unrelated suffering. not unrelated fucking lessons like guel somehow learned - stupid ass prince shithead he remains. I hope she gets that prospera wont keep her fucking word. i hope she understands that she did to suletta what her father did to her. I hope she has to go crawling through the desert for miles. but what good is all that gonna do Suletta? Huh?

i am so upset lol. i am so upset. not even for the backstabbing - though thats so fucking bad. but for the lying. you’ve already taken everything - just TELL HER YOU WANT TO KEEP HER SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW HARD IS IT. WHY WOULD YOU DO IT THIS WAY. I WANT TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant get through more of these last few seconds without pausing every few seconds.

THE LITTLE SCREAM

I WANT TO SCREAM TOO!!!!!! I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!

thank you ending song for screaming for me.

ok that last shot - that last shot of Miorine saying: “goodbye, my mercurian country bumpkin”.... that made it kind of emotionally sexy instead of purely deeply painful. she became genuinely evil. thats just a little bit soothing.

#my stuff #personal #vidi #gundam #im so upset wow

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guiltedlily · 1 year

Text

1.4.23

9.07pm

im going to namedrop here for convinience because im treating this like a diary of sorts, i guess. realizing lately just how much of the time period is blocked out and how jumbled my memory is and im terrified of figuring out why

the memories (that i still have) of everything haunt me in a way that i cant really describe. i shook with fear some of those nights and it feels like it was overlooked. even now, im terrified of that being used against me. i get scared when i think about the night i sobbed and shook uncontrollably over flashbacks in sams arms and thought he’d be somebody to trust. its happened before and i now know not to expect high of people, which is heartbreaking in a way. i was naive enough to think that things wouldnt be the same as source, and as much as im trying to separate myself from.. all of that, its hard when it feels like some things are bound to repeat

i found myself with people i trusted enough to call family, and that decision it itself was naive. i barely knew them and didnt know any better, i didnt know that i cant just trust people because we knew them collectively and i knew them in source but it was a stupid mistake. sometimes i wonder if they were right to think of me as stupid, if me playing dumb was my true self

i remember some of the nights with wilbur, like the one where he told me he was going to kill himself. that he didnt see the point in living and hurting himself seemed to remedy that, while i cried and phil tried to convince him otherwise. we played a game that night, risk - i think its still downloaded on my old laptop. we pretended everything was normal, or at least he did. i was scared out of my mind because id lost him too many times and felt that i was going to watch that again - and i did.

i think sometimes people see me just as a stupid kid and thats what ill always be and its terrifying. i dont want to be a stupid kid any longer, its hurt me enough

9.34pm

#journaling #original post

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margathecreatughhh · 1 year

Text

It’s.. it’s been a long time since i wrote something on here.

2022, well, it was different. But im gonna walk you through it - put you on the loop.

I spent january this year chasing my then-boyfriend. Don’t know who it is? Of course not, but you believe me if i told you. It’s the dude i liked my entire junior high. Thats right. I dated my crush. Shit was way different than i had imagined - but its done. Anyways, he often hurt my feelings bc he was a very tactless person. He was ugly too. The cum face was unbearable. Sorry to that man. I ended up leaving him, only realizing i wanted him back. I chased after him for some reason. Spent the last of my money on his expensive ass medicine. Went around looking for a specific kind of drink he wanted. Did all that only for him to tell me “what’s not clicking?” Like the fucking asshole he is. That was when i realized i didnt want to do anything with him. I wanted him gone from my life. And he is gone, finally.

Then the next few months happened. I got assaulted twice in the same year. The first time, i realized it only after a few months. I had hooked up with my senior high school crush then. I told my friend dexter about it and he said “why are you so grossed out by xx but you’re so happy about yy”. Then i realized why i slipped into a lot of self-loathing of xx. Its because i didnt consent to it. I didnt want it. I didnt enjoy it. It was fucking traumatizing. I fucking hate every moment that memory crosses my mind. I wish i never had to go through it. The second time it was also with a friend who i trusted naively. Idk why the fuck i decided to go with him. It was the wrong fucking choice. I only realized it wasn’t okay when i drunkenly called my ex-bestie about it, and he told me it wasn’t okay. The trauma for this one was so bad because every time a room would be completely dark, i’d be scared shitless and i’d teleport back into that fucking bedroom. I fucking hate it so much. I don’t know why i had let that night happen.

Despite it all, i was able to date someone. We lived in together, he let me drive his car, i bought him an expensive ass wallet, a lot. Shit ended ugly tho. He ended up man handling me. We would often get into screaming matches.

I hate myself when im angry. When i have to raise my voice in certain situations. I really fucking hate it. To realize that he brought out that version of me makes me fucking sick. Makes me hate the person i allowed myself to become just because of him.

Dont get me wrong. I didnt want a relationship. I wasnt ready for a relationship. Which made me wonder, why the fuck did i ever force anything to develop between the two of us? Even when i got an ick on the first date? If i could turn back time, i honestly would. Because fuck that situationship for real. Makes me so fucking upset he brought out the worst in me. Making me feel all fucking worthless. Like im always the bad guy. He stole my friends from me too. What kind of fucking person does that? He’s so fucking greedy. He doesn’t give a fuck that my friends no longer hang out with me as long as he gets to hang out with them.

I fucking hate the fact i ever dated him. It was the worst fucking emotional and mental turmoil i ever had to fucking go through. Beat my relationship with gg on a whole mile. Yawa jd kaayo gyud. Ngano man kong nipatol adto niya?

The amount of emotional labour i had to do. Even when he knew my mental state. He’s such a selfish fucking person emotionally. He’s so fucking greedy in the name of “love”. Like what the fuck kind of person makes u feel guilty about leaving them? About wanting some time for yourself? What a stupid fucking situationship. He accuses me of not knowing him when he has this narrative of me being the worst fucking person. Fuck that man for real. I wish all my exes bad luck. I dont care. I know I’ll get guilty once the karma hits them - but shit doesnt happen just because karma wants to. Shit happens to people because they deserve it. The universe thinks they deserve it so its gonna hand it to them.

If im getting my karma. Thats fine. Im the type of person who knows i dont make a lot of great decisions so if karma goes my way, ill let it happen as it should.

I dont know how im gonna move forward from all of this. Ive been feeling so fucking lonely ever since he fucking stole my friends from me. I dont know what to fucking do but i hope i bounce back better when i get back to duma.

I wanna stay optimistic. I wanna have something to look forward to. And yet all ive done since the break up is be so self destructive. I kissed pp, and have him reject me weeks later. Then i hooked up with bb and nn. Then i had kk pick me up and we made out for a bit. He confessed on new year’s but idk i really dont want to deal with anything. I didnt want to do anything with nn because i didnt like his build, his personality is too fucking kind its actually the fucking worst 😭 made me reminiscent of the dude i dated this year. Its always the fucking nice guys who give the most emotional labor so im avoiding nice guys. Or guys in general.

Im in a man-hater phase rn. Fucking pp is crushing on a girl who tried to set me up with him. Yawa. Worst fucking feeling ever. Yawa jd kaayo. It made me see how much of a fucking asshole he is. And i dont wanna deal with him na jd because of how awful he is. Yawa. Pero i might give him cookies still when i get back? Im not sure. I probably will.

I dont know. Im just not bothered to entertain anyone but i am still talking to bb for some fucking reason. It’s probably gonna die out soon. Or probably not. Being with him is fun. But i hope it wont cross to the relationship level. Ill probably just decrease the amount of texting we do. Shits too risky. 2022/3 marga would know why. Hahahahahaha. If something bad happens out of this, you know im gonna either edit this post or make a separate post.

I still dont fucking know if 2023 is gonna be good. Its just making me anxious. Im writing this long ass post knowing i havent finished my plates yet. I havent done anything remotely productive. I dont know why im so fucking depressed. And normally, when i write, i feel a bit better. But only my mood changed. Im not as fucking depressed as i was a few minutes ago but my fucking soul still feels like it has weights on it. Shits so fucking heavy.

I think im still not over the fact that i had to go through months of whatever he put me through shit was so fucking tiring. I did not have to go through that. I did not have to go through every single thing he put me through during and after the relationship. I think my biggest takeaway from all of this is the fact i can feel And see the change that happened in me and it wasnt for the better. I lost so much of my light and life because of him. This is the only relationship i could ever completely say i wish i got back the person i was before him. Yawa jd kaayo. Ambot makalagot nga ing ani na akong state karon. Unta mabalik akong gana sa tanan. Kay sa tinuod lang, nawala gyud. Maka disappoint jd kaayo ang outcome bwiset.

Yawa huhuhuhuhu unta madayon akong mga gi look forward sa 2023.

1. New hair color and hair cut

2. Motor pls

3. cookies for all my friends

4. Mental stability

5. Reclaiming my old self

I really just want to bring the person i was before him. I just want peace. I just want to feel better. I just want to be productive again. I just want to be better.

Ive been rambling for the past few paragraphs as u can see but im just typing as much as i can until i finally lose the dreadful feeling weighing down on me because honestly i still feel like shit. Yawa huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

I wanna buy a new vape but i think that also contributes to why i feel like shit so i might quit. Im gonna try hard and quit this year because my nicotine addiction is unexpected and unwelcome and i want to be better about it. So i might actually stop vaping. Please God make me stop vaping 😭

Im also so fucking upset because i looked forward to writing something on tumblr hoping it would make me feel better but the dread isnt going away. I want to feel better but i really cant im so fucking sad and upset and i hope its just the estrogen jud but like this has been going on for months and i honestly just need to meditate and be more accepting of my fate and have to look forward to things because theres so much to unfold for 2023 and i really really really hope my looking forward doesnt go in vain. I love you world. Please dont let me down.

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chaoxfix · 2 years

Text

do gems conduct electricity?

word count: 13K relationship: sonic & rouge ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39375603

summary:

Rouge is a thief, spy, and works for anyone who can pay the right price. She may have a conscience, but she’ll admit to being generally untrustworthy. Especially since she has a talent for seeing through people. Which is why she’s surprised that she might be one of the few people Sonic is honest with.

alt: Two conversations Rouge would never have expected from Sonic, and a lie she tells on his behalf.

notes:

one of many sonic forces rewrites focusing on the idea of sonic being used as the Eggman Empire’s battery during forces. im not saying its a theory per say, as that'd require evidence, and i dont have anything except motive and the fact that sonic's in pretty good condition when he busts himself out, and how quickly eggman takes over the world.

still, if this WAS something canon and expanded upon... it would have packed a punch. knowing sonic's energy is what's being used to fight his friends... i'd count that as torture, wouldn't you?

also notes for re: rouge: as far as i can tell in-game, she’s the one who actually confirms sonic is being…. ‘tortured’ … and they havent had many scenes together though have had a few intense ones (like sonic giving her shadows ring). i couldnt get the idea of them having an oddly personal ‘rooftop conversation’ friendship but never talk outside of serious confessions.

also minor cw: they discuss shadows death and whether it was intentional (ie suicide related) or not. its not written to be super triggery but it is very melancholic.

this whole fic series is more melodramatic than i intended it to be but w/e

fic:

Rouge and Sonic don’t run in the same circles, but she knows far too much about him all the same.

They aren’t friends , not exactly. Rouge prefers Sonic’s friends to the blue hedgehog himself – specifically, the ones that are fun to piss off because they're not afraid to hit back. Knuckles is fun to tease, and Shadow is… well. He’s complicated enough that she likes the challenge. They’re both isolated loners who are bad at conversation, and are a little too naive despite how much they trust their own (usually bad) judgment.

Maybe Rouge has a type, but it does make them perfect targets when she’s scheming.

Sonic, though. He’s not so easy to manipulate. Completely disinterested in Rouge’s usual games. In theory, he should be easy to at least rile up, given that he picks a fight with Eggman on a weekly basis. But unlike his red friends, pissing Sonic off only works if she’s willing to hurt people. And, well, Rouge doesn’t like getting her hands dirty. Her white gloves aren’t just a fashion statement.

Sonic’s not naive, either, like many of his friends. Or overly trusting.

Overly forgiving, yes, and sometimes in ways Rouge is sure will end badly – but not trusting .

Truthfully, Rouge gets the feeling that the only person he completely trusts is himself… and even then, he mainly trusts himself to save the day. If he offers forgiveness to someone who betrays him, well, he can just fight harder next time they try their hand at global domination. Piece of cake. The people he forgives can either accept their second chance or not, but he’s going to offer it no matter what. He chooses to get burned, time and again, because of the tiny chance of someone turning it around.

It’s a terribly dangerous thought process. She’s genuinely surprised he’s made it this far.

And yet, Sonic’s not stupid. He’s only learned to offer it so many times because it’s worked before. Not only that, but he’s right more often than not.

Rouge doesn’t care about most of the characters he chooses to forgive. Whether they burn Sonic or not, it’s not Rouge’s business. But she does care that he trusted Shadow, towards the end. That he offered him a chance at forgiveness.

It matters. It ended badly, yes – Shadow died. But it matters.

Rouge, though, isn’t particularly trusting or forgiving, no matter how often she has seen that kindness paid forward. She’s worked with too many megalomaniacs, and she’s got too much invested for her own gains. Every side is willing to recruit her, because Rouge has worked for all kinds of ends and means – and she’s not interested in losing that edge just to play nice.

She’s especially distrustful of anyone whose motive she can’t figure out.

Everyone has a price, and everyone has an agenda. Most people fall within the grey. She can work with that; Rouge is good at figuring out what people really want and playing just fast and loose enough with her assignment so that it benefits her, too.

She’s an ends justify the means kind of gal herself – but she has to know everyone else’s ends and means if she’s going to stick with them. And in her line of work, she’s seen every motive under the sun. Revenge, money, thrill-seeking, family. Surprisingly, she trusts Omega – his plans are quite straightforward. Even Shadow… he was a complex mystery, but he was all about his motives. Once she figured out what it was he wanted, all of his choices lined up perfectly.

But she doesn’t understand Sonic.

No motive quite fits. And Rouge has to admit that even if they’re not friends, he’s a point of fascination.

She’s not the only one interested, either. GUN wants to know more about him; half the time they hire her, they ask Rouge to lay out every detail she knows about the guy. Bummer for them – she rarely has anything to say that they haven’t already figured out. Instead, Rouge has spent far too much time in meetings with GUN talking about Sonic’s threat level; comparing notes about hidden motives and old gods and ancient power. If Sonic is really someone they can trust to protect them, or if he’s just biding his time to take over the world for himself.

(It’s really funny the first time she hears it. It’s less funny after he’s fought two gods.)

For what it’s worth, she laughs at every agent who think he’s a threat. She doesn’t know Sonic’s motive, but she does know his ends and means. “He’s only a threat,” she tells them every time, “if you decide to hurt people. Now tell me, is GUN planning on hurting anyone?” They usually stop asking her questions after that.

In the end, GUN usually chooses not to capture Sonic. He’s been dependable in a dozen crises so far. And that’s just saving the world. As for Eggman-related schemes, he’s stopped him more times than Rouge can count. And likely, more times than the rest of them even know about.

They have Sonic to thank for the world still being intact and relatively free.

(And Sonic has Rouge to thank, just a little, for getting GUN off his back. Her gift to him, and to herself, to keep the world free so she can do as she pleases. )

But even if GUN leaves him alone, they never quite figure him out.

Rouge can’t either.

Which means that though she can trust him to save the world, she can’t trust him. Not as a friend. Not until she figures out his real motive and drive. It seems that the feeling is mutual, because Sonic doesn’t make much of an effort to get to know her. Which she’s fine with. He’s a bit too… virtuous and good-humored for her taste.

It’s alright though. They’re cordial, and sometimes she even thinks his bad jokes are a little funny – and he’s the only one who seems able to take her flirting and give it right back to her. They have mutual friends, and they see each other plenty, and she trusts him to get her out of sticky situations if he happens to be in the area, and sometimes she even returns the favor.

So Rouge and Sonic don’t run in the same circles – and she’s alright with that.

But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know too much about him, all the same.

They’ve only talked – really talked – a few times. But there are things she’d give anything to learn more about – and some that she’d do a lot more to forget.

///

Their first real conversation happens after Shadow dies.

It doesn’t happen immediately. They don’t know each other well enough then. Sonic only knows her well enough to give her one of Shadow’s rings as a farewell, as Shadow’s only real friend, so to speak. It’s an unexpected kindness after an unexpected loss.

The conversation that day blurs in her mind. All she really takes away from it is that Shadow is a hero, and that Sonic isn’t telling the whole story.

Rouge wants to hear it, someday. Even if she has to force it out of him.

But that would mean talking to Sonic – and she can’t. Not so soon. They look too alike, and he’s far too wrapped up in the greater mystery for Rouge to stand being near him.

So they don’t see each other. Not for a while.

She sees Sonic a lot in the news though, months after Shadow dies. Eggman isn’t trying too actively to take over the world, but he is still causing trouble and seeking chaos emeralds. Eggman was only willing to give them a few weeks of mourning before deciding supervillainy was still his calling. He’s back to his usual schemes – which means Sonic is also back to stopping him. Which means the world is watching their usual dance, stopping traffic as best they can to mitigate the giant robots and explosions.

In other words, life moves on – it has to.

Rouge does not move on. Not immediately.

She’s taking a break from GUN. They haven’t answered enough of her questions and haven’t increased her salary enough to compensate for losing her last colleague.

Instead, she goes back to her roots. She chases anything that shines, and it leads her to a rare impulsive race for the chaos emeralds.

In hindsight, even if GUN or another spy agency had wanted her, Rouge wouldn’t have been the best fit for the job. It’s not that she was full of volatile emotions, necessarily. But even a little bit of impulse is bad for the job, and puts the plan, her, and any teammates in danger. Rouge is willing to risk a lot for a gem – but she’s not willing to risk another partner.

But it’s fun. A way to feel like herself when the world still feels a little askew.

(She’s sure that blowing up the moon tilted the orbit, but she won’t be able to break into GUN’s astronomy reports until she rejoins them.)

At the heart of things, Rouge isn’t a total mess after losing her friend. But she’s still processing. Still figuring out whether to miss him or not.

Sonic, meanwhile, seems fine. He’s always smiling and playing hero in the news. She wonders what it’s like to be able to bounce back so easily.

But inevitably, chasing chaos emeralds brings Sonic and Rouge back into the same orbit.

They meet, by chance, at the edge of Casino Night Zone.

Rouge just stole what she hoped was a chaos emerald. It wasn’t – just another fake, unfortunately. It shouldn’t matter then, that Sonic stopped her steal. But he’d thought it was real, too, and he’d fought her for it, before it all got turned upside down.

It ended up being an Eggman scheme, so no one really won. That should have been the end of it. Sonic should have run home to his little fox friend in Mystic Ruins, or perhaps gone up to Angel Island to bother Knuckles.

And yet, Sonic didn’t leave after the fight. Instead, he just tossed the fake chaos emerald up and down in his hand, stalling for time.

“You doing anything for the next hour?” Sonic asks.

Rouge gives him a long look. “If you’re looking for a race, I’m not sure I’m your girl.”

Sonic laughs. He tosses her the gem and winks. “I’ll look past it, just this once. No, but really… I just figured… you like shiny things, right?”

Rouge raises a brow. “Are you giving me this?”

“Well, yeah, I’m not a fan of fake chaos emeralds. Definitely don’t like that someone copied Tails’s technology. They don’t feel right when I use them,” he says, “But what I really want is to show you something. I saw it last time I passed through this zone, and thought of you.”

Rouge is… surprisingly flattered.

Suspicious of his motives, of course. But he’s already given her the emerald, fake or not. And she supposes… it’s harmless enough to humor him.

“Well, I’m not a fan of fake jewelry either,” she says, eyes intentionally bored as she looks at the oversized gem. “...But I’ll admit, it’s pretty. Maybe it would make a decent ring.”

Sonic grins. “So you’ll come?”

“An hour. No more, no less.”

///

So Rouge finds herself five minutes later on the very edge of the city. Looking down on Casino Night Zone.

They sit on the tallest rooftop with the best view of the city lights below. They still shine bright enough to cast a technicolor glow on Sonic’s spines. It must do the same to her, because he’s staring at Rouge like she’s something that dazzles, too.

“I didn’t expect you to keep it on you,” Sonic says.

Rouge follows his gaze; looks down. She’d forgotten. She’s still wearing Shadow’s inhibitor ring around her wrist.

She grits her teeth.

She should’ve realized he would bring it up; that he was lingering just to get a good look at it. But she’s a little offended; Sonic and Shadow were friends, but Sonic himself recognized that Shadow cared about her. Sonic could have kept it for himself if he wanted it so badly. It’s no one’s fault but his own if he gave it to her. If now he doesn’t have anything left of Shadow for himself.

“Don’t you have a cat to save from its tree?” Rouge asks, and puts a hand over the inhibitor ring, as if to keep him from stealing it. The irony of a thief guarding her most precious possession isn’t lost on her. “Why are you even still here? Don’t you have to get back to Mystic Ruins?”

“Why would I do that?”

“...Because you live there?”

Sonic raises both brows. “You think I live somewhere? That’s so weird .”

Rouge’s eye twitches.

But Sonic doesn’t reach for the inhibitor ring. He only looks at it, fascinated. If he wanted it, Rouge knows he could have stolen it already, with his speed being what it is.

Reluctantly, Rouge loosens her protective hold.

Sonic looks a little more cheerful already. “Anyways,” he says, “If you don’t want to talk about Shadow, that’s okay. But to answer you, I thought what I was doing was obvious.”

Rouge doesn’t say anything, just watching him, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I wanted to check on a friend,” he says.

And there it is. But Sonic doesn’t laugh, or say anything else ridiculous. Instead, he just leans forward, hands on the railing, and looks up at the stars. At the moon, half broken as it is, but still shining.

Rouge looks at Sonic. Really looks at him; tries to get any read on him at all.

“I didn’t think we were friends,” she finally says. She glances down at the ring. Thinks about what it might mean, if she and Sonic are friends, too. If it means anything.

She’d take Shadow over him in a heartbeat.

But she can’t – and Sonic hasn’t done anything to deserve that, aside from surviving something the Ultimate Lifeform couldn’t.

She sighs. Her shoulders slump, and she rubs the inhibitor ring.

“It’s unfair how short his time on this planet was,” she says. “It’s unfair that he never had a chance to enjoy his life. Or make real friendships.”

“They were real,” Sonic says. “Realer than anything, to Shadow. It had to have been, or he wouldn’t have helped us.”

Rouge scoffs. “Of course you’d talk about the power of friendship saving us. Ugh. He would have hated it.”

Sonic chuckles. He looks at her, something half hearted on his face. Whatever he’s thinking, he won’t share it. Not all of it. But there’s something like a smile, and something like comfort. He offers her a hand. “Nah. I think he would’ve liked it. He was a softie, deep down. He cared about people, a lot . Being grumpy or keeping your feelings to yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care.”

Rouge looks at him for a long time. There is the faintest thought at the back of her mind. That Sonic isn’t talking about only Shadow.

He might not even be talking about her.

Cool air blows in from the west, and Rouge shivers, just a little. Sonic doesn’t look phased, instead just sighing into the chill and closing his eyes. They fall into a companionable silence for a little while; Rouge watches the cars pass in the streets far below them.

She’s surprised Sonic is sitting still for this long.

It’s hard to imagine him being here willingly. She’s not sure what to do with it, now that he’s here.

It’s funny – he kind of reminds her of Shadow, when he’s not talking.

“I’m not working for GUN right now, you know,” Rouge says. “They haven’t earned my trust back yet.”

Sonic makes a soft, noncommittal noise. “Fun as they are to fight, I’m getting tired of dodging them,” he admits. “I hear their new commander’s a step in the right direction though. Maybe they’ll finally turn it around.”

And chaos, there’s that trust again.

“Do you ever stop letting people abuse your trust?”

Sonic actually laughs. “I don’t know if you’re really someone who should be asking me that. I could happily take that rock off your hands if you’re worried about who I put my faith in.”

Rouge raises a brow. Some virtuous hero he is. “You wouldn’t dare .”

“Try me.”

She knocks her hand again Sonic’s shoulder. It’d be flirting if he was a few years older – but right now, it feels like correcting a kid brother. Sonic snickers, and she knows he’s not reading too far into it.

“What will people say if you took this back from me, hm?” she asks. “I’d never recover.”

“Ah, but if you told people, that’d mean admitting I gave it to you in the first place.” Sonic winks. “My reputation can take a hit – but what will your master thief friends say when they hear you accepted a jewel this big as a gift ?”

Rouge smirks. “That assumes there are other thieves at my level – and that we’d ever hang out together.”

“My bad, my bad.” Sonic chuckles, rubs the back of his neck. “I guess I was picturing it like a secret book club or something. Gossipping about all the newest jewels between… um, whatever people do at book clubs.”

And yeah – Rouge was right. He really is just a kid. She laughs despite herself. “Whether or not I’d join this book club depends entirely on what you think we’d read.”

“The classics,” Sonic says without missing a beat. “Anything old and fancy. Romance novels from a few centuries back, probably.”

Rouge presses a hand to her chest, faking a gasp. “You’re stereotyping me. Just because I like jewels doesn’t mean I like everything else to be formal. …I prefer nonfiction, anyway. That would be like me stereotyping you as a…” She hums. “Comic book fan.”

“But I do like them.”

“I should be so surprised.”

Sonic looks at the ground, smiling with a dumb smile on his face. He goes quiet for a moment, and they fall into a companionable silence. The city lights shine below them, and Rouge has to admit, they really are beautiful. She’s glad he thought of her. Normally she doesn’t fly this far off the ground… She would never have been able to see this otherwise.

Clouds pass over the moon, and Rouge can almost imagine it’s still whole. But the clouds pass, and she sees the crumbled remains.

She glances back, and Sonic’s looking up at the moon, too – an unreadable expression on his face. Funny. She always thought he was so expressive.

“You said you wanted to check in on me,” she finally says, turning her upper half to face him. “Consider me checked in on. I’m doing alright.” Sonic opens his mouth to say something – but Rouge cuts him off. “And now that I’m fine – I’m far more interested in how you’re doing.”

“What, about Shadow?”

“Anything,” she says, though admittedly, yes, she was really only interested in what he felt about Shadow. “Have you ever lost someone before, on all those adventures you’ve been on?”

Sonic looks surprisingly taken aback. “Oh.” He pauses, clearly thinking hard, and clearly trying to dodger he question entirely. “Uh… it’s hard to say…”

“Have you, or not?”

It takes a long while. Then, finally, hesitantly: “I always got them back… eventually. Sort of,” Sonic says. “A few missing friends, who turned up again a year or two ago. A uh… friend that I put faith in, where things didn’t turn out so good for him. He was rebuilt… well. I guess he might not be the same person anymore. So maybe I have really lost him, too …And now Shadow.”

There are a few stories there, Rouge thinks. ‘Rebuilt’ must mean a robot. She decides not to ask.

“I wish Shadow could have been around for longer,” Sonic finally continues. “I think he would have wanted to, too. Even if he chose to sacrifice himself like that… and even if it seems like he didn’t have a future planned for himself, it would have been nice for him to stay and figure one out.”

Rouge nods. Privately, she doesn’t share that she finds it hard to picture any future for Shadow. He was so in his head, so cocky and rude and bent on revenge for so much of his brief time here. Only turning it around towards the end. But, like Sonic… she does wish he’d had the chance to make himself into someone entirely new. “I replay that day a lot. We really thought he was going to let the planet die… but now, it’s hard to picture him making any other choice.”

“Yeah. He’s good at sticking to a decision and seeing it through, alright. He did just about everything he ever set his mind on… except his original plan,” Sonic says, looking up at the moon. “I’m just glad he turned it around and saw this one through. Saving Earth, I mean. Not dying.” As if he really needed to clarify, he looks down and adds, “I don’t think he wanted to die, necessarily. I hope not.”

“I would hope not, too,” Rouge says, looking at Sonic more intensely. “Why ‘necessarily’? Do you think he wanted it to happen like this?”

“I…” Sonic frowns. He furrows his brows. “I don’t know. Probably not. You knew him better than I did though. He was so stoic and kept everything so close to his chest… It can really do a number on you,” he says thoughtfully. “If anyone would know, it should be you. So if even you aren’t sure, well, I guess we’ll never know.”

She narrows her eyes, ever so slightly.

She’s caught on that middle sentence. Between this, and what he’d said earlier, Rouge is getting the sense that Sonic is trying to allude to something deeper.

She’s a little fascinated despite herself, thinking of some of those classified GUN files on him. Is he a threat? Is there more to him than thrill-seeking?

“You say that like you’re the type to keep things to yourself,” she asks, looking at him with as disinterested a stare as she can manage. “Are you?”

To her surprise, Sonic laughs despite the slight insult. He even throws her a wink. “You got me, I’m an open book. But that’s not what we’re talking about, I’m just saying-”

Rouge cuts him off. “Darling, no one who’s an open book has to say they’re an open book.”

“I’m just saying ,” Sonic pointedly finishes, “That if I did know what that was like, which I don’t, it would be a nightmare. His life was… really rough. But he chose to do the right thing in the end. So I get the feeling he was a real softie, deep down. He cared about you, and Mobius, and all the people who live on it. He chose to trust us, and to listen to his heart. I don’t think he did that lightly, or that it was easy for him – but he still did it. Either way, it ended the same, and we can thank him for helping save the world. …Even if he kept things to himself and acted like a real jerk most of the time.”

“But,” Rouge lightly interrupts. “Do you think he meant for things to end the way they did?”

Sonic pauses, thinking for a very long moment. She almost thinks he’ll choose not to answer at all. But to her surprise, he does. “He had his walls up for a reason, and the way he was brought into the world… I mean, it’d mess anyone up. Maybe he did mean to just… stop, after he finished whatever he set out to do. Especially since his revenge was such a limited plan. I mean – if he went with his original plan and destroyed the planet, what would be left for him to do afterwards? Nothing. Even if he survived it, he’d just be alone.” He looks uncomfortable thinking about that, and Rouge almost regrets asking. It feels… wrong, to have someone as bright and positive as Sonic talk about Shadow’s end. But ever the optimist, Sonic looks bad with a tiny smile. A glimmer of positivity. He continues, “But, he had a big change of heart last minute – I like to think that he could have figured out a life for himself. I choose to believe that he’s only not around because he didn’t have another option.”

It’s a surprisingly thoughtful speech.

…Rouge gets the feeling he’s been wanting to say it for a bit now.

“It’s a nice thought,” she finally says. Sonic smiles. “I hope you’re right.”

They both go quiet for a moment. She wonders, suddenly, if he’s had anyone to talk about this with – or if he’s kept it to himself, like her. She thinks back to the ARK, and the group of friends around him. Maybe he could have talked with Knuckles – but Knuckles didn’t know Shadow. And Tails… poor kid. She gets the feeling he was a little too young to grasp the scope of what they were facing.

Despite herself, she hopes this is cathartic for Sonic as it feels for her.

And – in all fairness… He’s younger than her. He doesn’t seem to have anyone else to talk about this with. She might not consider Sonic a friend, but she does have, maybe, the tiniest soft spot for him. He’s young. Despite herself, she wants to give him a chance to open up.

"I just can’t believe he’s gone. Just like that,” Rouge looks closer at Sonic, at the contemplative expression still on his face. He called himself an open book, hm? She’ll be the judge of that. “Do you miss him? Or did you know him well enough to miss him?”

Sonic meets her eyes, his own surprisingly guarded. “Kind of a loaded question there. Like I said, you knew him better than I did.”

“But, do you miss him?”

Sonic looks down. He crosses his arms over his chest. Clearly thinking about it. Rouge waits for another impassioned speech about how Shadow gave it all for everyone else to live, so of course he misses him. But then just when Rouge thinks he’s going to say something passionate, he looks away and rubs the back of his quills.

“I don’t know. Maybe I could have if we’d had more time. That’s the whole problem, isn’t it? He died before we could really get to know him."

Rouge sighs. “I suppose…”

“I definitely feel like we lost something now that he’s not around. So I guess that could mean I miss him, even if I didn’t know him very well.” Rouge lets out a soft hum to show she agrees. “...But he kind of did it on purpose. He didn’t want anyone to know him. He had a lot of walls up, and he didn’t want to let anyone past them. Knowing what I know now… I kind of get it. Thinking that your only purpose is bringing destruction to everyone around you. If I was in his shoes, I…” He kicks his feet a little, heels tapping against the building below. “Truth be told, he reminds me a little of Chaos… I just wish I’d been able to give Shadow that same peace.”

She wonders what he was going to say, before he changed course. But she decides not to ask. She gets the feeling this is rare, for him. So she’ll take what she can get.

“Maybe you did,” she says, instead of asking. “You were using the chaos emeralds with him too, after all.”

Sonic doesn’t meet her eyes when she looks at him this time. He crosses his arms tighter around his middle, looking surprisingly sad. “Yeah… maybe.”

The rooftop gets quiet after that, with only the wind to break the tension. Rouge thinks she may have overstepped, somehow. Miscalculated not pressing him for more details. She’s not sure.

But she has the overwhelming urge to not leave things here. And to not leave him sad and contemplative. “If we’re talking chaos emeralds and how they make everyone feel,” she finally says, voice lilting, flirty. “I bet Knuckles could shed some light on things. Maybe we should pay his island a visit?”

Sonic grins. He sees the out for what it is and takes it in a heartbeat. “Should have known all this was to butter me up to get the Master Emerald out of me.”

Rouge bats her eyes. “Would I do that?”

Sonic just shakes his head, looking exasperated. “Doesn’t matter. You think I know the current coordinates? Knuckles won’t let me within a thousand miles of his island anymore, after all the trouble I’ve caused him the last few years.”

Rouge grins, canines sharp in the technicolor light. “I’m sure he’s not that vindictive… Not for a friend.”

“No one holds a grudge quite like Knuckles.”

“Well,” Rouge says, voice soft and as persuasive as she can make it sound – intentionally over the top. She playfully pokes at his chest. “If you do happen to find the coordinates, I promise I won’t share them with anyone.”

“Oh, Knuckles would be thrilled,” he teases, easily swatting away her hand. “I’m sure he’ll be much more receptive if he knows it’s just you stealing the Master Emerald.”

Rouge winks. “He would. It gets boring up on that island. He could use some excitement.”

“You keep telling yourself that.”

A breeze slowly blows in from the south, and Rouge shivers. She’s satisfied. Sonic looks better, and… they’ve finally talked about Shadow. She can’t imagine they have much else to say to one another. Despite what Sonic says, she knows they’re still not ‘friends’, per say. And she prefers not to overplay her hand.

So Rouge fakes a yawn, stretching out and shaking out her wings. “Well, not that this hasn’t been fun,” she says, “But if you don’t have Angel Island’s current coordinates, I’m afraid I’ve got to run. Some of us have beauty sleep to catch up on, and this night air is going to ruin my skin.”

“Sounds boring – night air’s the best air. But I guess if you have beauty sleep to catch up on…” Sonic winks, and just like that, he’s standing on the rooftop ledge. If he were anyone else, Rouge might reach for him on impulse. But he’s so very himself that Rouge doesn’t think for one second that he’s in danger. He gives her a two-fingered salute. “Night, Rouge.”

She laughs, and he jumps.

Soon, there’s nothing but a blue afterimage against a dark sky and city lights. If she strains her eyes and looks in the right direction, she can just barely make out a blue blur speeding across the countryside towards Mystic Ruins.

Going home to see his friends after all, hm?

He’s more sentimental than he lets on, she thinks.

But she heads to her own apartment, and feels a little bit better in the weeks that follow.

One conversion doesn’t make her forget about Shadow. She doesn’t feel completely fine; she still lost a friend too soon. She doesn’t stop wearing the inhibitor ring, either.

But it feels better. Lighter. It was nice to talk about Shadow with one of the few other people alive who might have known him at all.

Shadow comes back within a month of that conversation.

She could forget that conversation with Sonic, if she wanted to. But even if she tried… it will always strike Rouge as an unexpected, if ultimately unnecessary, kindness. And every now and then, when she’s in Casino Night Zone, she stops by the rooftop for a few minutes to think.

Within two years, that rooftop takes on a very different meaning. For six months, she looks up at the moon – now repaired, only to be overshadowed by the everpresent Death Egg in the sky.

The Eggman Empire is expanding every day. Soon, there will be nothing left.

Eggman shouldn’t be able to conquer the world this fast. It shouldn’t be possible, even with all the resources he’s been amassing the more he conquers.

But without Sonic to stop him, there’s not much hope.

She thinks about the last time she lost a friend. And the unexpected kindness that followed. She’s not the type to do favors, really. But when Knuckles contacts her out of the blue, not just with a mission to aid the resistance, but with information that Sonic’s alive…

Well, she may have an unexpected kindness to return.

The worst part of being a spy is what you find out about your friends. Especially when they aren’t even aware of what you know.

Rouge is here on the Death Egg to confirm that Sonic is alive – and she does. Chaos help her, she can confirm he’s here. He’s alive, and even in decent health.

But the truth is worse. And every question she’s had about Sonic is on display in front of her.

She’s in the rafters above a small room. Not a holding cell, though.

A generator.

“Agent Rouge,” she remembers. Commander Tower had tried to seem so imposing. By size, he certainly was – she was barely as tall as his hip. But they both knew who held the power in these conversations. “Do you have any new reports on Sonic?”

Rouge bats her eyes, sitting on the edge of the war room table. “That depends. Do you have anything to pay me for all my trouble, following him?”

Commander Tower sighs. Two guards drop two sacks of glittering gems for her. Rouge clasps her hands over her heart, absolutely overjoyed at the way they sparkle.

“My, you even remembered not to put any fakes inside this time,” she says, smiling wickedly. “It’s no chaos emerald, but I suppose those are in limited demand…”

“Rouge, do you have information or not?”

“Only that he’s even more powerful than you think,” she says, examining her gloves at the nails, splaying her hand this way and that. “But I think you already knew that. He fought Chaos, after all. Anyone who can go toe-to-toe with a god and win… I’m not surprised you’re interested.”

Commander Tower narrows his eyes. “Do you know his location?”

“He doesn’t seem to live anywhere,” she says. “Free spirited like that.”

“Have you interacted with him one on one?”

“Can’t say that I have,” Rouge lies. “He’s hard to get alone.”

“Is there anywhere he frequently returns?”

“Nothing that would benefit you to know.”

“Agent Rouge-”

“Ah ah ah… I wouldn’t recommend pissing him off by tracking his friends’ location. Which, might I remind you, you already know,” she asks. “I might remind you too, he is very powerful. I’m not sure I’d like to see that power used when he’s angry.”

“That’s the point of your mission! To identify his power, and identify a way to contain him-”

“Contain him?” Rouge presses a finger to her bottom lip, feigning innocence. “Now why would we want to do that?”

“He’s a loose cannon!” Tower explodes. “We have no idea what he wants or what he’ll do to get it! You of all people should know he can’t be trusted without a motive. If he gets all seven chaos emeralds again–”

“Then maybe you ought to find one and pay me with it to keep it out of his hands.” Rouge interrupts him without a second thought. She winks at him. “Just a thought.”

“Agent Rouge, this is serious-”

“I’m always serious about the chaos emeralds.” She takes out a large pink gem from one of the sacks, examining it carefully. With a tone designed to piss Tower off slightly less, she continues, “But Sonic’s not a threat. He’s certainly powerful. But I don’t know if containing him would be the right move.”

“That isn’t what we hired you for,” Tower snaps. “We don’t pay you for your conscience. Your whole job was to identify how to contain him if we ever need to.”

“And I’ve realized that he simply can’t be contained,” she says simply. “Mission complete. Not only is it impossible, but containing him would ruin him, if there are other threats… I’m not sure he’d like being kept in a cage, and I’m not sure you’d like what happens if he finally gets out. He might not save the world if he’s upset with us, and I happen to like living here, don’t you? Again, not that it would be possible to contain him anyway. But it would be a bit silly to aggravate your best shot at living til retirement.”

“Don’t underestimate our capabilities.”

Rouge bats her eyes. “I only do it because I’ve overestimated them before,” she says simply. “Unless you found a way to take Sonic’s natural power from him, you’d have a very difficult time keeping him in place. And I doubt you’d want to take away your best weapon against ancient gods, should they make their return.”

She picks up the sacks of gems and places them in the large satchel at her side.

“Now,” she says, hand on her hip. “Are we finished?”

Tower pinches the bridge of his nose. “Get out of my sight, Agent Rouge.”

GUN should never have worried that Sonic would turn against them.

They should have been more worried about what would happen if Eggman ever managed to contain Sonic, the way GUN had tried to for themselves.

The writing was on the wall. Rouge feels stupid, like the worst spy on the planet, for not putting it together earlier.

Eggman has been learning to harness energy sources for years. Even when he first started, he was utilizing small animals to power his machines to conquer the world and displace Mobians, zone by zone. They had always been small forest animals, and most people were far more worried about the threat it posed to the people who lived in these zones.

When Eggman escalated over the years, society at large forgot where he had started out. And how he had started.

Waking gods and trying to harness them for their power – of course that would take precedent.

When he utilized the Wisps for his theme park, harnessing thousands – millions – for their energy, despite the cost to their lifeforce… Rouge, GUN – the whole world should have realized then what his real plan was.

Laid out, it all sounds so simple.

Eggman had started with small creatures. Learning to harness their natural energy. He was bested by a very powerful little blue hedgehog. Then, he started experimenting with capturing gods’ powers, chaos energy, now that he knew how much power he needed to not only take over the world but best that strange little blue hedgehog. His next attempt seemed small in comparison – waking a powerful experiment, another little hedgehog, this one called Project Shadow. Compared to using gods, it must have seemed like nothing. Yet when Eggman tried to use Shadow for his bidding, it blew up in his face. Shadow turned traitor, and nearly destroyed the world that Eggman was trying so hard to conquer. He bit off more than he could chew. So he dialed back, created failsafes. Focused on waking Gaia, in hopes of using that god’s energy to take over the world – and to do that, learned a way to safely strip Sonic of his super form, and harness both the chaos emeralds’ power, and Sonic’s own natural energy, to work for his schemes. And when Sonic managed to recover even from that… it’s no wonder that Eggman sought power elsewhere, from the wisps. A back-to-the-start scheme, a return to Eggman’s basics – to perfect his energy harvesting methods on new lifeforms.

It’s only in hindsight that Rouge can see the pattern for what it is. It was all leading to this.

Capturing Sonic and utilizing his natural chaos energy.

The chaos emeralds are nowhere to be found on Mobius. Now that Rouge is here, she can only guess what they’ve been used for.

But Rouge needs to witness this. Needs to know exactly what they’re up against. She tries to tell herself that she isn’t watching a friend suffer, because they’re not close. But she can’t help the way her stomach drops as she watches the grimmest scene she can imagine for Sonic.

It would be better if it was torture.

She thinks it might be a form of torture – but that’s not what Eggman is doing. Not his primary aim. For as flamboyant as Eggman has always been, he’s always had pragmatism, only ruined a little with his mean streak.

He’s vile, but he knows a resource when he sees one.

Why would he waste the best energy source in the universe when he’s finally got his hands on him?

Rouge grits her teeth and takes notes of the important details. Everything she sees.

There are large screens that do a lot of the work for her. Energy input – the chaos emeralds. Energy output – Sonic’s natural energy, keeping the emeralds from being fully drained. A check and balance to keep him from going super, and to ensure the emeralds never dampen or reject Eggman’s machinery.

There are wires and harnesses, and something injected under Sonic’s skin. And he’s traveling at his usual supersonic speed on some kind of treadmill. Leave it to Eggman to take something Sonic loves more than anything and turn it into – this .

As for Sonic himself…

He looks exhausted. Smaller than she remembers; too thin, with duller fur and blunter quills.

He doesn’t look like a larger than life hero.

He looks his age. Barely sixteen; celebrating it as a hostage to his enemy.

Rouge feels sick to her stomach. She’d love to intervene, but there’s nothing she can do from here. If even Sonic is captured like this, there is absolutely nothing Rouge, whose best assets are spying and stealing and collecting data, could do to bust him out right here and now.

She’s still tempted to try, though – and she’s debating it, very seriously. If she could just cut the power line to the failsafes… the things that prevent Sonic from going Super, maybe, just maybe-

She misses her opportunity when she sees Eggman fly in on his Eggmobile.

His voice is harsh and jarring as always – but this time, he sounds like he’s gloating. “Having fun, rodent?”

Sonic’s jaw flexes. “Oodles.”

“You look terrible ,” Eggman says, flying closer. “Lucky for you, the doctor is in.”

He reaches for Sonic’s face – and to Rouge’s surprise, he actually bites at Eggman’s fingers.

Eggman pulls back and shakes off his hand. “Wretched animal,” he grumbles, shaking his hand. “You act like I don’t feed you.”

Sonic glowers. He barely even looks at him. Though he’s still traveling at super-speed on that treadmill, he looks exhausted.

Eggman seems to think so, too.

“Humph. Last time you made it three days before burning out,” Eggman says, flying his Eggmobile around the room. Observing Sonic from every angle. Cackling, chuckling to himself. Gloating. Something Rouge thinks, privately, that Eggman should have long since gotten tired of after having Sonic for months.

But she supposes that after over five years of being a thorn in Eggman’s side, perhaps he feels entitled to gloat for a few months. To appreciate the novelty for a little longer.

Sonic looks dead on his feet, but he hasn’t slowed down.

Rouge uses binoculars to get a better look. He’s even worse from here. She can see his ribs. He’s clearly dehydrated, if his nose is that dry. And his eyes are puffy and bloodshot. There are no visible injuries, and he doesn’t look sick – but he does look awful. Like the very life is being drained out of him.

Eggman seems to think so, too. Yet he sounds irritated, not satisfied, as he circles Sonic again. “I suppose you haven’t been eating again, hmm? Do you think that’ll make this end faster?”

“What can I say? Your food is gross , Egghead.”

There’s sass in Sonic’s tone, and Rouge feels the tiniest glimmer of hope, that he hasn’t been completely defeated. But even his sass sounds tired. Whatever edge his voice would normally have has been ground down until there’s almost nothing left.

Eggman tsks. “Never thought I’d see the day when Sonic tried to run less ,” he says, yet even with his disapproval, there’s still that gloating edge. He’s enjoying this. “You know I’ll have your friends’ heads by this evening if you’re sabotaging yourself on purpose. If it affects your speed at all, they’re the ones to pay for it.”

Sonic sets his eyes straight forward. Running with determination. “I’ve run on empty before. I just don’t like your stupid food. Nothing more to it than that.”

Eggman glowers. Rouge glances at the screen – and despite going hungry, Sonic’s speed has been steady. If it’s a ploy for Sonic to sabotage himself, it must be to ‘burn out’ – whatever Eggman meant by that. Despite not having any reason to make Sonic suffer though, Eggman has never been one to let sass go unpunished. Especially not when he has everything he could ever want right at his fingertips. He presses a button on the eggmobile, and Sonic yelps. Rouge sees sparks fly from the harness.

Sonic turns his head towards him, a spark of real anger in his eyes. But there’s the faintest edge of optimism. “I don’t know if you should really be damaging your best toy. Can’t wear me out too soon. You never know when my heart might give out.”

“Don’t give me that, you worthless warthog!” Eggman is shouting now – the thin line between gloating victor and mad scientist blurring together. But he doesn’t press the button again, instead just flexing his fist. “You just remember our agreement. Keep it moving, else I’ll target your friends’ base. I’ve saved them for last – but don’t you get excited and think I’ll let them go longer than I have to. There’s nothing else left to conquer. If you were hoping for a rescue, if you were hoping to save your friends, you’re running out of time.”

Rouge watches as Sonic grits his teeth.

Eggman chuckles, then flies closer. It’s harder to hear – but his voice is lower. Darker. “Want me to show you how I used your energy today, hedgehog?” he asks.

Sonic swallows hard. But he doesn’t say a word.

“If you last another two hours, I’ll show you. You’ll get to see all your friends in action, too – how exciting, seeing them alive one last time.”

“They’ll win,” Sonic says, teeth still gritted. “We’ve won every other time-”

“And every other time, they had you.” Eggman grins wider, rubbing his mustache. “And now, I have all of your power to myself. I have to admit, even I didn’t think I could conquer the world this fast. But you’re full of surprises, Sonic.” He reaches to pat Sonic’s back, hard, with those huge hands. “From the bottom of my darkest, blackest heart – thank you .”

Sonic actually cusses him out. Rouge raises her brows. She doesn’t recognize the language, but she knows that tone. She doesn’t have to know the words to know that Sonic’s just insulted every facet of Eggman’s being.

“Ohoho, I was wondering how long it would take to make you regress. You were so much more fun to destroy as a child.”

Eggman cackles, and Sonic doesn’t say another word.

Something beeps on Eggman’s eggmobile, and he sighs deeply. “As delightful as our chats are, I’m afraid I’m needed elsewhere. Delegates to capture, people to enslave, you know the drill. Ta ta!”

Sonic balls his hands into fists.

But he doesn’t stop running.

Rouge slips further back into the vents, then back to her rendezvous point. Far away from Eggman – far closer to help.

Her hands aren’t entirely steady when she finally opens her communicator.

“Knuckles!” she says. “Can you hear me?”

To her relief, Knuckles answers –

“Rouge? It’s about time. How’s Sonic doing?”

Fully expecting Sonic to be alive. Fully trusting the Chaotix’s report. Fully expecting Sonic to be fine, and ready to be sprung out at a moment’s notice.

She doesn’t give a damn what they expect. Sonic needs help – now .

But.

Rouge does care what would happen if anyone were to let this slip to GUN. She thinks back to her conversation with Commander Tower. Thinks back to what they would do, if they ever considered Sonic a threat again.

If they knew this technology existed… that they could simply siphon Sonic’s energy, too-

So Rouge lies. She lies about everything.

She lies to GUN, she lies to Vector, she lies to Knuckles.

She tells them nothing about Sonic being the generator.

She makes up a story about Eggman dragging this out just to show off his conquered empire to Sonic. Tells him about generic, unspecified torture. Makes up a story about Eggman ejecting Sonic into space once this is all over.

It’s stupid. It’s a terrible lie. But Knuckles is the most trusting person she knows, even after all this time. He accepts it without question, and she doesn’t even feel guilty. The truth would just hurt him, anyway. Better to keep it bland. ‘Torture’ is acceptable; torture is surreal. No one will know what to do with it. But they’ll all agree that it’s wrong and that they need to break Sonic out immediately.

It can also account for him being low on energy for a bit. And whatever mental state he’ll be in, after he leaves. It’ll also mean no one asks too many questions – who wants to ask their friend what way he was tortured?

No, best to obscure the truth.

Because, being used as a human battery – knowing that Sonic is the reason that Eggman is so strong now –

It feels wrong .

Others might not believe her fib, she knows. But it doesn’t matter, as long as they get Sonic out of there, as fast as possible.

Logistically, the sooner they get Sonic out of there, the less power Eggman has in his reserves.

Morally –

The sooner they get Sonic out of there, the easier Rouge can sleep at night. The less she’ll think about losing another friend.

On her way out, she sabotages the line between Sonic and the chaos emeralds. Just faint enough that it looks like a wire finally shorted. If Eggman investigates (which she’s sure he will), he’ll only be able to find a tiny singed wire. Possibly a spark that blew off from when Eggman shocked Sonic as a petty revenge.

It’s enough to bring down his system, and he’ll spend the rest of his life thinking he lost, and that he only had himself to blame.

Maybe Sonic will be able to escape on his own now. Maybe not. Either way, the resistance is coming tomorrow. But she thinks – after months of hell, he could use at least a day to recharge his energy.

Sonic does not need to know she helped him. No one needs to know she helped him.

–

After the war, Rouge celebrates by going to the rooftop by Casino Night Zone.

The city lights aren’t there anymore; the city was taken over pretty early on by Eggman. It will be a long time before it recovers; before people will light up skyscrapers and technicolor billboards all over the city.

She’s there for an hour, just thinking.

But a breeze blows in from the west – and when she turns, it’s Sonic.

She stares at him for a long, long moment. What is there to say?

Sonic seems to be thinking the same thing though, and she feels the tiniest pang of sympathy. He’ll need some decent socialization before his head is all the way on again. “Fancy meeting you here,” she finally says.

A little bit of tension bleeds out of Sonic’s shoulders. “I was about to say the same thing.”

He hesitates, walks a little closer, until they’re both looking over the same railing.

There’s still about three feet of space between them. It feels bigger somehow, now that she’s seen him looking so small.

“Vanilla would have my head if he knew I was talking to you here instead of sending you back,” Rouge teases. “...She is still acting as nurse for the resistance, right?”

“Wouldn’t know,” Sonic says, sending her a smirk. “Haven’t been.”

Ah, yes. What a thing to brag about, not getting treated for injuries. Chaos, these teen boy heroes. Rouge just shakes her head – but she can’t quite blame him, either. She thinks he’s had enough of being monitored and having his vitals checked. Knowing what Eggman did to him, she’s honored to be the first person to cover for him while he sneaks away.

Besides… Physically, all he really needs is a few extra chili dogs and some rest. He’s already looking a lot better now that his energy isn’t being drained – he’s still way too thin, and she’s pretty sure he’s lost his balance a few times lately from being over-tired, but all in all, he’s in incredible shape from being held captive for six months.

And truthfully… the few problems he does have seem to be self-inflicted. She regrets even thinking it, putting two and two together – but she knows Sonic did it on purpose. A way to protect his friends; to burn out faster. And Eggman’s punishments for misbehaving couldn’t be too brutal. After all – why let your battery waste away if you can keep him healthy and fully charged? The worst you can punish him still has to leave him strong.

It makes her uncomfortable, thinking about Sonic in that way.

It’s hard to picture the boy who saved the world six times over as the one hooked up to Eggman’s machine. And yet, she saw it for herself.

Emotionally, she has no idea how he’s doing. But she doesn’t imagine it’s anywhere close to fine. There’s definitely something off about him. She wonders — worries — if it’s really something that can heal over time.

She shakes off the thought as soon as she can.

“Well, if you’re going to hide here, I won’t be the one to rat you out. I’ve got better things to do,” Rouge says, breaking a silence that has started to feel heavy.

Sonic leans against the railing, not even looking at her, but there’s the ghost of a smile on his face. He looks a little bit contemplative, but he doesn’t speak first. Instead, he just looks out at the ruined city under them.

For all the difference between then and now, it reminds Rouge of the last time they were here.

She wonders what all he came here for.

Rouge absently touches the inhibitor ring on her wrist. “If you’re here because you want someone to force you to talk, I’m not sure I’m the girl you’re looking for. Amy’s still back at HQ.”

Sonic finally looks her way. “Oh, I know.” He fidgets a little, drumming his fingers on the railing. “I’m just here for the view.”

Rouge gives him a sidelong glance. “Not quite what it used to be.”

“Nah. But a lot of things aren’t, these days.”

Is that an invitation? “Seems that way,” she says slowly, still gauging if he wants to do this. “Are you, ah… okay?”

It’s more awkward than she means.

And unfortunately, it seems to scare Sonic off. He waves a hand. “I get why you ask – believe me, I do. But I’m not here to mope.”

“Then what are you here for?”

“Honoring tradition.”

Rouge raises both brows. “What tradition?”

“Checking in on a friend.”

Rouge raises a brow.“I would have had to drop in on you, if that were true,” Rouge says. Sonic’s expression goes from lighthearted to a little embarrassed. She knocks the back of her hand against his shoulder before he can overthink it. “No, stop. You’re right. You can check in. I lost a…” She pauses. “Friend.”

Sonic’s face goes the tiniest bit pink. He smiles. “Never thought I’d hear you say that.”

“And you’ll never hear me say it again.”

“The friend came back, though.”

“That he did.”

Sonic just shakes his head, smile still in place. But when he stops, his eyes fix on the ring, still around her wrist. Shadow’s been back for over a year now, and yet, she still wears it.

She thinks Sonic’s going to say something about Shadow, maybe, or the last time they were here.

But then she realizes he’s staring at the communicator tucked next to the ring.

“The funny thing is,” Sonic starts. “...I’m kind of here to say thank you, too.”

Rouge looks at him closer. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

Sonic meets her gaze for just a second. “Can we not drag this out? I’ve got places to be. Just let me say thank you, so we can never talk about it again.”

“Like before?”

Sonic looks away quickly. “I mean, kind of.”

He stares up at the sky. The Death Egg is no longer in the sky. The only thing out there is the half-ruined moon.

“Before, we still talked a little .” Rouge turns away from the sky – so that she’s facing the opposite way as him, leaning her back against the railing and sliding closer to him. Almost close enough for their shoulders to brush. “Aren’t you going to let me talk about how I lost a friend after barely getting to know him?”

“I wouldn’t say barely,” Sonic mutters.

“I would.”

Sonic chuckles, but only half heartedly. “Look… we don’t have to – you know. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. I’m just glad you lied for me.”

Rouge’s stare gets the tiniest bit more calculating. Good. So he doesn’t know what she really did. “Me? Telling a little white lie?” Rouge asks. “How could you suggest such a thing?”

“Virtue’s overrated,” he says. He’s probably being sarcastic, but Rouge can’t help but wonder. He answers her question before she can even pose it. “I mean – it’s not. Sorry. That’s a dumb thing to say. But I’m still just – thank you, okay? For not telling anyone the truth. I don’t know how much you saw, but…”

He’s actually a little flustered.

It’s wrong, Rouge thinks. It’s wrong that he’s not okay, and this out of sorts. But there’s some part of her that’s morbidly fascinated with how genuine he’s being.

She wonders how many people have actually met their hero when they met their hero.

“You’re welcome,” she says. “But don’t expect me to start doing it all the time.”

“Not sure I love you taking the moral high ground here, Rouge.” Sonic’s voice is surprisingly dull. A little more monotone than she remembers. He crosses his arms and leans more on the railing, eyes fixed on the city below. All the battles that took place and were lost. “Is it that hard to keep it to yourself?”

Rouge frowns. It’s not just the words themselves. With Sonic’s voice so monotone and serious, he sounds a little like Shadow. She can’t help it – it unnerves her. Especially considering what they talked about here.

She doesn’t want to think about Sonic in that context. Especially not after what she saw. What nearly happened.

“He had a lot of walls up,” Sonic had said, about Shadow. “And he didn’t want to let anyone past them. Knowing what I know now… I kind of get it. Thinking that your only purpose is bringing destruction to everyone around you. If I was in his shoes, I…”

The bracelet feels heavy on her wrist.

Rouge shakes off the feeling.

“I’m a gossip, but I’m not that bad,” she says. “If I tell anyone, there has to be something in it for me.”

“Well, is there?”

She leans closer, and reaches for his arm. It’s supposed to be comforting. He touches the fox kit’s hair all the time, pulls him in for a hug when he needs it. And Rouge is willing to bet Sonic hasn’t had many kind touches in the last six months.

But she over-estimates what he wants, and Sonic flinches back.

Rouge lets go quickly, a rare apology on her tongue. “Sorry, big blue.” She pauses a moment. “...did I touch a bruise?”

Sonic avoids her eye-contact, and places his hand over his arm, where she’d touched. He- really is bothered by this, Rouge realizes. She’s surprised. Usually, he can take her flirting and responds back pound for pound. Friendly flirting, casual touches – he laughs it off. Likes it, even.

This time, he just looks uncomfortable. “Yeah, still healing,” he says – though Rouge highly doubts she actually aggravated an injury. But they’re excellent at covering for one another, aren’t they? “No big deal though.”

Rouge frowns and files that away in her mind. She won’t touch him again unless it’s really warranted. She backs up to give him an extra foot of space, almost back to the distance they had before. She tries to make it look more casual than intentional, but she feels Sonic’s eyes on her every step of the way. “As long as no one will yell at me for roughing up the man of the hour,” she says. “Even if you are accusing me of lying.”

“Rouge…” Sonic pauses. He swallows. “Can I change my mind? Can we not do this?”

She frowns. “You were the one who came here.”

“I know. Just…” He looks down, the toe of his shoe against the ground. He can’t meet her eyes anymore. “All I really want to know is what you saw.”

Rouge doesn’t miss a beat. “What Eggman used you for.”

“Nothing else?”

“ Is there something else?” Rouge asks – and surely there has to be, with a tone like that.

“No,” he says quickly.

Rouge doesn’t believe him for a second. She narrows her eyes imperceptibly. But there’s something small in the way he holds himself. She would feel bad pressing. “If you say so. If you really want to leave, I won’t stop you. I couldn’t, anyway.”

Sonic looks a little more relieved. His shoulders relax, and he closes his eyes as he feels the night air on his face. “When did you come?”

“…The day before you broke out,” she says. “I saw you hooked up to that… thing.” She frowns, glancing to one of the burns on his chest. The one that looks freshest. “I’m pretty sure I was there when you got that.”

Sonic follows her gaze, and he self-consciously pats at the burn. “Oh, this? Nothing. Eggy just wanted to make sure I knew my place,” he says. “You know. Before he banished me into space.”

Rouge bites down a pained smile. “I didn’t have time to come up with a better lie.”

“Yeah. Maybe he would have though, after he was done. Who knows. All I care about is that we didn’t have to find out.”

Rouge makes an unconvinced sound.

Sonic pays her no mind. He pats his chest again, on top of the spark burn, and he looks a little more solid, less like a ghost, when she looks at his face again. “...I’d appreciate it if you do one more favor for me, though.”

“I didn’t think we were the types of friends who asked for favors,” Rouge says. “I only do favors when there’s something in it for me.”

They both know that’s not true, at this point. But Sonic doesn’t call her on it. Instead, he rubs at his arm.

“I’m sure you’ll find some way to spin it in your favor. You always do.” Sonic goes quiet for a long moment, looking out at the night sky again. It seems to take him time to figure out what to say. Finally, “...Listen. Some of our friends are asking questions. But everyone will be happier if they don’t know the details. And I’m kind of sick of people asking questions and worrying themselves over nothing.”

“That’s a funny way to talk about your friends caring about you.”

Sonic rolls his eyes. “Fine. Here’s what’s in it for you. It’ll keep Knuckles a lot happier, if he doesn’t know the details. And a happy Knuckles is less vigilant.”

Rouge’s mouth quirks to a frown. “Tempting,” she says. “But he’s already plenty happy now that he’s back on his island and no longer leading a resistance. And…” She trails off. “...it’s a pretty big secret.”

“The Master Emerald is a pretty big gem.”

Sonic would never actually endanger Knuckles’s Master Emerald. Somehow, he thinks Rouge is playing along.

“...Uh huh… and, what about your other friends? Knuckles isn’t the sharpest, but others might ask.”

“Is it really so hard to just keep quiet if someone asks? I thought you were a spy.”

Rouge raises a brow. “I am. But some of your friends are very smart. Like Tails.”

Sonic glances at her out of the corner of his eye. “Leave Tails out of this,” he says. Wary. There’s actually a hint of danger in his voice – Rouge doesn’t know what to make of it. If she looks closely, she thinks she can even see some of his quills starting to puff up.

He’s mad, she realizes. He’s actually angry.

“I would ,” she says, because she’s not afraid of him yet. “But he means something to you. And you mean something to him. Not much point in hiding a secret that will obviously have an impact on the both of you.”

“Don’t tell him anything. There’s nothing ‘in it’ for you to talk to him. So leave him alone. He’s gone through enough.”

Rouge narrows her eyes.

“I mean it,” Sonic says. Just as intense as before. She wonders, for a second, if there are species of hedgehogs that are venomous – or if this one is just more chaos charged than the rest. “He’s – he’s a kid. He doesn’t need any other problems.”

It’s jarring, seeing him say that when he’s years younger than her.

What’s Sonic other than a kid himself?

“Fine. I’m not going to tell him anything. Or at least, not intentionally,” she says, and watches closely, considering him as he relaxes. As some of those sharp spines settle back into place. “But you’re making it sound like you’re taking this to the grave. Are you?”

“I already came back from the dead. There’s not even a grave to take it to anymore. Besides,” he says. “Death was never really in the cards for me if Eggman had his way. Right?”

Rouge stares at him.

Remembers what they talked here, years ago, about a little too clearly.

Sonic seems to realize what she’s thinking about almost as quickly as she does.

“I’m not Shadow,” he says immediately. He reaches for her wrist, holding her in place. She can’t completely tell who it’s meant to reassure. “I mean it. There’s not any risk of – we don’t need to talk about that. I wouldn’t do that, so don’t make any of this into something it’s not. I want to be here. I would never – even though Eggman was using me like that, I- I would never want to hurt people. I didn’t want any of that. But I didn’t want to die, either. All I wanted was to get out of there and be back with my friends. I want my life back. And- now I do have it back. So it’s all good.”

He means it. Sonic actually means it. Not even he could fake that kind of urgency. Rouge lets out a relieved sigh. “Good. Or else I was going to kick your tail in.”

Sonic laughs.

It breaks the tension.

But instead of making her feel better, Rouge realizes she hates it.

She hates this gray area of being his friend but barely knowing him, and still not really trusting each other. This isn’t exactly what she was worried about, back before she lost Shadow. Back before they were anything like friends, when her biggest concern was not knowing Sonic’s motive, his real drive.

She can’t stand being friends with someone whose motive she still doesn’t understand. Whatever he’s getting out of heroism, she doesn’t know, and it scares her. Because this is something that could have killed him, and he’ll go back to being a hero in a heartbeat.

It’s like he’s not selfish enough to even have a motive.

But Rouge is selfish.

And she’s tired of losing friends.

Yes – they keep coming back, but they always come back a little different.

So Rouge needs to know his motive, if they’re going to keep being friends. If they’re going to keep doing this. Meeting up on sentimental rooftops and sharing feelings for one second before pretending like it doesn’t matter and no one said anything important at all.

“Sonic,” she says. “Be honest with me.”

Sonic looks at her, a little surprised at the change in tone.

“It’s easy to say it benefits everyone else not to ask questions or worry needlessly. But what’s in it for you , me not telling anyone?”

Sonic’s smile freezes. Then he swallows. “I mean… that’s why I said it was a favor.”

“Negotiations aren’t free. Everyone gets something. And no one’s that selfless, not even you.” She looks at him as severely as she can; puts the same energy into it that she does when interrogating as a spy. “What do you want out of this, Sonic?”

“I…”

“What is it you don’t want people knowing? They already know he hurt you. They already know that he kept you alive. What’s the part you’re so fixated on keeping it a secret? Are you embarrassed that he didn’t hurt you worse?”

Sonic pulls back, actually offended. “No! They’d be relieved, if anything – I’m not trying to keep them from feeling better about what happened to me. It’s not like I want to make them fear the worst. They’re probably eaten up inside about it enough as it is–”

“No, stop. I’m asking about you. Not them,” Rouge reminds him.

Sonic bristles, but Rouge isn’t intimidated.

“Tell me. What is it?”

Sonic makes a noise she didn’t think he could make. It’s almost a hiss. Not an aggravated, whiny groan like he makes when he’s impatient with a battle. He sounds frustrated. Angry. Utterly done with this conversation, and with her.

Rouge doesn’t bend. Not even a little.

And finally, Sonic has enough. “The only thing I want is for people to stop making me do anything – anything – I don’t want to do.”

“I’m not going to make you tell me,” Rouge says. “No one is keeping you here. So don’t act like this is the same thing.” Sonic opens his mouth, but Rouge cuts him off. “ You came here . Now say what you’ve been wanting to say, or go.”

Sonic is surprisingly taken aback.

“Eggman made me into just a – a thing,” he finally says. Tense. Tired.

He waits for Rouge to cut him off.

She doesn’t. Just keeps the tension up, because Sonic will never not react under pressure. So she lets him spill whatever secrets he needs. Because this rooftop is theirs, and he needs it far more than he’ll ever admit.

“He used me to conquer the planet,” he says. Pauses.

And she thinks, it’s here that he realizes she’s not going to stop him.

“He used me to conquer the world, and it only took six months. I thought – all of our friends really thought that I was dead, just like that. And they tried so damn hard but they didn’t manage to hold ground on anything . What little they did hold was because Eggman needed something as leverage or I’d just–” He cuts himself off, waving off the end of that sentence. “I’m just waiting for them to realize that it was because of me. That every awful thing that happened the last six months were because of me. Eggman only took over the world because he used me, not just because I wasn’t fighting him. I can’t let them down. And I can’t let GUN or the Federation or anywhere know what he did, or else–” He sucks in a sharp breath. “People are scared enough without knowing I can be – be used for that. Someone else is bound to try to take me instead of trusting me to do what I always do.”

His chest heaves.

Finally, he stops. “Is that the confession you wanted?”

Rouge nods. “I didn’t want to stop you. I think you needed that.”

Sonic purses his lips. He looks like he swallowed a lemon – there’s regret on his face, but she won’t let him dwell on that. Instead, Rouge turns the pressure up again. “GUN won’t do anything, you know.”

Sonic looks at her warily. “Why’s that?”

“Because I’m not going to tell them.” When Sonic doesn’t immediately believe her, she tosses her hair. “Please, like I want them to have ultimate power. They’re so drab. They’d make awful dictators.”

It doesn’t fully win Sonic over, but it’s a start.

“Anyways, I’ve told them for years you’re a far better ally than a threat. If they turn on you I’ll just pretend to play along and then sabotage their machine,” she says easily. “As for the rest… I didn’t think you needed someone to tell you that wasn’t your fault. Especially since it looks like you exhausted all your options for sabotage, too. If people did know, they’d have to be crazy to think it’s your fault.”

Sonic crosses his arms tight against his narrow middle and looks away. Like she can’t still see the hollows of his cheeks and the shadows under his eyes.

She can’t tell if he’s thinking about her mention of sabotaging machinery, or if he’s just pouting because she’s calling him on his wholly undeserved self-blame.

She chooses the latter, partly in hopes to keep him from thinking too hard about the former. She still doesn’t want him to know the truth about his escape.

“...Do you need someone to tell you it wasn’t your fault?” she asks.

Sonic stubbornly doesn’t answer.

With a face like that, it’s easy to remember that he’s only sixteen (barely) to her nineteen. Rouge sighs.

He’s just a kid, isn’t he?

“Well, whatever you think, you’re wrong,” she finally says. Sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Listen… I’ve helped out prickly hedgehogs before. If you need to talk… We’ve talked before. We could do it again. Like you came here for. If you’re willing to talk instead of getting angry.”

For an instant, Sonic looks like he might actually take her up on it.

“I think I’ve said enough,” he finally says. “Plus… I came here to thank you. That’s it.”

Well. As long as they’re lying to each other. Rouge sighs and shakes her head. “You’re welcome.”

“Then we’re good?”

He is anything but. She hasn’t forgotten that he still looks like hell – and that’s just physically.

Rouge wants to entice him further to stay and talk.

But the fact remains that she doesn’t know him well enough to say the right thing. Clearly – since she’s already given it her best and failed. Maybe she was useful back then, when he was younger and hadn’t been through this yet. Maybe she was someone he trusted when there weren’t stakes.

Maybe, she thinks –

Maybe he finally offered a hand of forgiveness one time too many. Maybe he trusted in his ability to save the world one too many times.

No wonder he doesn’t want to trust someone with his feelings.

Rouge would love to know the right thing to say. To help.

But part of her isn’t sure there is a right thing to say. Maybe Knuckles would know – or Tails. But those are also the ones she’s been banned from talking to.

Her shoulders drop, and she sighs again. “Have it your way,” she says, as airily as she can. To give the illusion that she doesn’t care, before caring too much burns them both. “Do whatever you need to do. I think it’s stupid, but I have nothing to gain by ratting you out. I’ve got places to be, gems to steal, Master Emerald guardians to annoy. It would only slow me down if your friends tried to beg the truth out of me.” She pauses; gives Sonic a significant look. “I don’t owe them anything. And there’s really nothing I stand to gain by telling them.”

The sudden switch clearly throws Sonic for a loop.

He stares at her for a long time before he finally asks, “You promise?”

“My, my, isn’t my word good enough on its own?” she purrs.

“You don’t do anything if there’s not something in it for you.”

“Which is why I won’t seek them out to tell them.” She looks at him, expression hardening. “And I’ll do my best not to let them catch me, either. I can be pretty sneaky when I want to be.”

Sonic huffs, almost glaring at her. It would be almost cute, coming from him – if he didn’t look like he’d been through hell.

“It’s alright. I wouldn’t trust me either. But I’ve got to get going. Believe me or don’t, but there’s not much you can do but trust me on this, is there?” She looks over her shoulder. “I don’t think there’s anything you can offer me to persuade me. After all, the only thing that really gets me going these days are the chaos emeralds. And they’re all still… missing.”

Sonic wisely does not fess up to their location.

She smirks a little. “That’s what I thought. I’m going home – and you should, too. It’s late.”

“So weird that you still think I live somewhere.”

Rouge rolls her eyes. “Then keep crashing on your friend’s sofa. And… Sonic?”

He looks warily up at her. “Yeah?”

“Don’t be too stupid about this. Get some sleep. Eat, even if it’s bound to be those disgusting things you like so much. You’re worrying your friends.”

“What’s it to you?”

“Unfortunately, some of your friends are my friends,” she says. “And I refuse to comfort anyone on your behalf.”

Sonic rubs the back of his neck. Grudgingly looks like he’ll consider it. But instead of agreeing, he shakes his head almost fondly. “ Goodnight , Rouge.”

It’s the best she’ll be able to do, she thinks. She winks and flies away, and tries not to let the guilt eat her from the inside out.

But if there’s a right person to comfort Sonic, Rouge isn’t it.

She flies home to Shadow – who she does know how to comfort, a little. For his role in all this. She wonders if he, an experiment, would have anything to say to a hedgehog living as a generator for six months.

Probably not.

#sonic the hedgehog #rouge the bat #sonic forces #chaoxfix

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wh6res · 3 years

Text

sedan | jaemin

—part 2

synopsis. it was only a matter of time until he snapped. he was right, you should've seen it coming.

warnings. noncon, swearing, yandere themes, there’s a knife lmao

note. yalls idk :( it keeps deleting paragraphs when i add a readmore wtf is this sorcery IM SO SORRY

[read part 1]

apparently, your captor had enough respect for your dignity not to take you in the backseat of his old sedan. saying something along the lines of how you had completely ruined the mood by how much you were crying underneath him. “it’s not even pretty crying!” jaemin had exclaimed, hauling you up to your feet and carrying you bridal style towards the house.

respect? pft. he has long passed the line of respecting your dignity—the moment he forced that drug into your system and shoved you inside his car, he was a goner.

you don’t bother thrashing against his arms, having thought better. with your wrists and knees duct-taped together, running seemed like a joke. instead, you stare longingly at the outside world over jaemin’s shoulder—it definitely isn’t the last time you’ll see it, but if you were here because of his fucked up possessiveness over you, then escaping will be a challenge.

three months of working alongside jaemin is enough for you to know how thorough he can be. he’s quite the perfectionist, and you remember admiring his keen attention to detail but now you only fear for the things he has in store for you to make sure you’ll never leave his side. it was due to this train of thought that you involuntarily start shaking against him. the automated lock in the front door beeps into place and now you were stuck here with him, once and for all.

before you are able to take a look around the house, scoping enemy territory, a hand comes up to cover your eyes. the moment your fingers wrap around his wrist to pry it away, he hisses, and you let go immediately.

“stay still or else,” you obliged, scared of what he can do now that he has you all to himself inside the house. “i know what you’re thinking. still so fucking predictable. you’d have to earn my trust until i let you roam around here.”

the loud clicks of your restraints locking together prove that he is a man of his word.

the basement he keeps you in is disgusting. the tiles beneath you are cold, a few leaking pipes in the corner, dust everywhere, and a tiny window across the room—you doubt your chains can reach that far. but what captured your eyes the most is the numerous pillows stuck onto the walls and ceiling. the colors of its casings are faded, none of them matching one another at all. it was as if everything was messily put together at the last minute and you almost feel a tiny bit of relief that maybe, jaemin isn’t as thorough as you thought he’d be.

“i soundproofed the walls and everything, isn’t that romantic?”

you don’t answer, too caught up thinking about how you’ll stay warm that you don’t notice the way his eyes trail over your shaking figure, knees tucked under your chin, pressing yourself firmly against the wall to appear smaller. to create as much distance from him as possible.

jaemin frowns in distaste, a low hum resounding in the back of his throat as he thought; no, this won’t do.

“are you cold?” he asks.

once again, he’s met with silence.

if there is one thing jaemin absolutely hates with a passion, it was being ignored. the feeling is so foreign to him. maybe it was because of how much he naturally expects to bear the spotlight, that when you refused to even slightly acknowledge him as anything, he was confused. fascinated but frustrated at the same time.

it is the same frustration he felt when you turned him down. the same frustration he felt when you fought against him. the same frustration he felt when you don’t stop crying underneath him. the same frustration he felt right at this very fucking moment.

“i don’t think ignoring me will do you good, sweetheart. i asked you a question, didn’t i? i’ll say it again, one last time,” the edge in his voice is unmistakable. “are you cold or not?”

at this point, jaemin feels stupid for even thinking about granting you the slightest bit of leniency by leaving you alone tonight. jaemin had been willing to put aside his desires and wants for you. but his patience can only stretch so far until it comes snapping back.

and boy, were you in for it.

he utters your name, low and threatening and you just knew what it meant. as the victim, it should’ve been in your best interest to keep your captor from losing his shit and hurting you… and yet, you remain silent. you don’t know what’s gotten into you. the words are right at the tip of your tongue but you don’t say anything. it was as if time had stopped and your brain had short-circuited, making you forget how to speak.

when he stood up from the stool and started stalking towards you, you knew it was too late.

“jaemin…” your voice shakes. “jaem—yes, yes—i feel—i feel cold—”

the sting on your right cheek is the only thing to register in your mind for a few good seconds until it all clicks into place. he just backhanded you.

“i never thought you’d be such a fucking bitch,” he hisses, pulling at your restraints. “you were so silent, i thought you went mute, baby. how can you treat me like that? it’s no way to treat your lover.”

his soft tone catches you off guard for a fraction of a second. it was the same way he spoke to you before… all of this. it was the same tone that had once lulled you into a sense of security when you were stuck in a new environment, scared, making mistakes left and right, but jaemin had proved he can be someone you can depend on.

and look at what that cost you.

jaemin’s eye twitched when he noticed the slightly dazed look on your face, eagerly slotting himself between your thighs before holding your legs down with his shins. his hands dart out, grabbing your jaw in one hand before placing the other snug around your neck. the man can feel the rush of his blood flowing through his veins, ears ringing as he admires how pretty you were underneath him—pretty and helpless.

with a sudden urge, he darts his head forward to take a long whiff of your hair, eyes rolling back in ecstasy. he barely even registers the tears wetting the hand holding your face. jaemin is too far gone in his head because finally, fucking finally, he has you right where he wants you and absolutely no one can steal you away from him anymore.

meanwhile, you try hard to push him off of you but the pressure he’s applying to your legs proves too much. the hand encased around your throat pulls away and your happiness was short-lived as jaemin reaches for something above your head. it glints against the sole fluorescent light in the basement—

you freeze at the sight of his pocket knife.

he laughs, sounding too sweet and lighthearted. “now, now. i won’t hurt you…”

you hold your breath when he drags the knife across your body. from your collarbones, down the valley of your breasts, and finally settling at the bottom of your shirt. “i won't hurt you if you don’t move around too much.”

the sound of fabric ripping against the sharp blade made you want to thrash as hard as you can but jaemin had purposely angled the knife so the tip dragged against the surface of your skin. bile rises up your throat when you notice the way he eyes every inch of your torso as its slowly revealed to him.

“see, i know you’re a good girl. i just have to force it out of you sometimes, huh?” he mocks, quickly hooking the knife under your bra so he needn’t struggle reaching for the hook in the back.

his reaction is immediate the moment he sees you bare before him. he doesn’t even grant you the chance of hiding when he’s managed to hold your wrists in one hand, the knife clattering loudly on the floor as he surged forward, lips latching onto one of your breasts as his free hand feels the other one up. you turn your head to the side, not wanting to see his ministrations. until one particularly hard nip makes you yelp, his teeth latching painfully against a nipple before glaring at you through his eyelashes.

“eyes on me.”

jaemin can’t have you turning away from him. it simply looks like another act of defiance, as if you were depriving him of the expressions of pleasure found in your face as he continues to lick and suckle at the skin of your breasts, purple and red blooming on your skin.

when jaemin retracts from you to pull his shirt over his head, you made the last feeble attempt of trying to escape him. you’re able to free one of your legs from underneath him and have successfully delivered a kick to the groin. jaemin folds in pain. you managed to flip onto your stomach, dragging your body away with just your arms. you’ve only managed a few inches, chains rattling aggressively, when you felt his nails dig into the back of your thighs.

“fuck,” he grunts. “you’re going to fucking pay for that, pretty thing.”

he turns you around with one hand, unfazed by the pitiful look of your tears and snot cascading down your face as he looms over you, his knife in one hand as he fists your hair.

you shook violently as you brace your hands against his bare chest. jaemin would’ve revelled at the feeling of you touching him if you hadn’t kicked him in the balls only seconds ago.

“jaemin, please… i don’t want any of this—”

“you’re so cute, begging like anything could get you out of this.”

you flinch, eyes shutting closing on instinct. you feel something sharp poking on your neck, and it only takes you a fraction of a minute to register that jaemin is now holding his knife against your throat. digging the blade enough for you to know it’s there but not hard enough to draw blood.

“look how much you’re shaking, baby,” he coos, the tightness in his pants becoming unbearable as he gives you a one over. “such a sheltered kid, aren’t you? no wonder you’re so fucking naive, always making mistakes. always making the wrong judgement. you’re used to depending on someone, right? well…”

jaemin slices the skin above your collarbone. you don’t scream, the fear of him slicing your throat all together lies heavy in the air.

“…it’s a good thing you met me, huh?”

fuck you.

“i’m here, baby. you can depend on me all you want,” the giddiness and the sudden spark in his eyes make you dread what he’ll do next—you hear the sounds of a belt unbuckling. “i’ll bathe you, i’ll feed you, dress you up, but…”

there are no tears left when you feel his fingers pulling your shorts down together with your underwear. no tears left when you feel the tip of his cock prodding at your entrance.

“…you’ll have to give me something in return. that’s what good girls do, right?”

you screamed.

#yandere nct #yandere jaemin #yandere kpop #tw noncon #tw dubcon #tw knife

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fightabear · 3 years

Text

so, i just need to shout for a second.

you are allowed to be critical of the media you consume. you should ask how it impacts you.

howver, you aren’t making the internet safer by pushing purity culture. if you care about the safety of minors online, you need to push education about internet safety. predators lay in wait in general spaces and don’t need problematic content to groom them. in fact, actively pushing the idea that determining whether or not someone is a predator based on whether or not they engage in adult content determines whether or not they’re safe to interact with sets minors up to be uncritical of interactions with people that meet arbitrary safe criteria.

online predators will actively work to blend in to their victims peer group.

you also need to be critical about where you’re getting your ideas, where they stem from, and who is pushing this agenda.

please look at what just happened to onlyfans. i saw so many people toting it as a victory for children’s rights, without realizing that the organization behind the campaign against it is one whose primary focus is actually just criminalizing and stamping out all forms sex work.

your desire to protect children and make the internet a safer space was being used as a weapon against sex workers by an anti-lgbt fundamentalist Christian organization that believes in abstinence only education.

sorry.

if this had come from a genuine place, it would have sparked a larger conversation that explained to minors the very real danger put themselves in when they bypass the restrictions in place for these sites, the types of predators that could be watching them. not to mention the legal liabilities they open themselves up to as the child is technically committing a crime by producing and sharing this content. there also would have been time for onlyfans to rework its verification system to make it harder for minors to get into.

instead, sex workers have been thrown out of the platform they built and are being shamed for being upset about it because they aren’t “thinking of the children”.

there is such a stunning lack of education being pushed as to why these things are bad and dangerous and much more focus about destroying it. children will see this cool forbidden thing and run straight towards it because they don’t know any better, no one has told them not to touch the hot stove. yes, their brains aren’t done developing yet. they are not emotionally or mentally mature yet, they are going to make stupid mistakes - but they make more mistakes and open themselves up to more harm when they don’t understand that they’re in danger or where the danger is coming from.

and this isn’t victim blaming. i was a child online who had to deal with predators. i was the kid who would circumvent neopet’s ‘no offline site contact’ rule to rp with people over AIM. i thought it was stupid! i was grown up and mature, i could handle it, right? i had sooooo many online friends and nothing bad ever happened. i wasn’t even old enough to be on the forum!

then i was thirteen. i had naively added a person on msn thinking they were a fun new friend who was going to give me a rare item on gaia online, only for them to switch on a time when we were in private. they threatened to hack and delete my account unless i got on webcam and got shirtless. i was a lonely child and the internet friends i had were my only friends. i remember crying and my mom walking in the room, not knowing what was happening, and then i used that as a chance to wrest my account back and block and report the guy.

i never told my mom. i thought she’d take away the computer forever and i’d lose my only connection. i just dealt with the shame that this man had seen me shaking and afraid in only my bra. i had nightmares about him telling me to take it off or he’d send the picture to my school friends, since he now had access to my im list. i thought he was my friend. he said he liked my writing. he changed on a dime when we were alone.

when it happened again later, i knew that there was a reason why this 27 year old man kept dming me to tell me i was pretty when i shared pictures in our group chat. now my school was giving internet stranger danger education, i knew some of what to watch out for and to trust my gut. it made me feel cool for all of ten seconds that this COOL older person praised my writing and thought i was attractive, but it also made me feel uneasy. the fact that he wouldn’t do this where anyone else could see it bothered me. so, without a trusted adult, i went to the mods of the server and his girlfriend and expressed my discomfort about the conversations that were happening in private. more details came out and he was thrown out from the group chat.

i never see education being brought up in these conversations. never. from either side. the other day i went looking for evidence or studies of some of the arguments i see bandied around the most and found nothing. even in psas for legitimate predators, i never see people passing out education as to how kids can spot the danger signs or take the steps necessary to protect themselves.

please ask yourself why when we talk about protecting minors online from predators, the normalization of carrds containing every single detail about their personal life when that is essentially a guide for a predator to use to get close to and abuse that child with is not the first thing brought up as a problem that needs to go.

#purity culture #tw child abuse #tw csa #tw child trafficking #tw homophobia #tw grooming

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roseworth · 3 years

Text

Only Fools Do What I Do

listen i know i said i wasnt going to make anything for today but i started thinking about this last night right before i fell asleep and i really wanted to make it :)

word count: 2055

relationship: eugene/rapunzel

description: Right after Eugene "left" Rapunzel, they both need to come to terms with their separation and loss of hope. Rapunzel travels back to her tower, and Eugene is stuck in a prison cell. All they can do is think of each other and reflect on where they went wrong.

@autumn-ravenclaw @gleamful-lanterns for new dream appreciation week day 3- date (he calls the day they met a date so im counting it lol).

title inspired by FOOLS by Troye Sivan

AO3

Rapunzel felt like an idiot.

Mother had told her that the world was cruel, yet she still had the nerve to be surprised. She should have known better. If she had never left her tower in the first place, she wouldn’t be hurting like this right now. It would have been better to just listen to what her Mother told her.

She could have given Eugene his satchel back as soon as she realized that he wasn’t after her hair. She could have even gone back on one of the many instances he tried to convince her to. She was stubborn and didn’t listen to anything but her own naive thoughts about the world.

And look where that got her.

She hadn’t slept all night. She and her Mother were traveling back to the tower after the disaster that was her trip outside. Mother had tried to tell her that he was just using her, but she refused to listen.

She realized she was still gripping tightly onto the small flag of the kingdom Eugene had bought her. She hid it away, making sure Mother wouldn’t see it and take it away from her. She just wanted one small reminder that it was real, that she really did leave her tower.

But was any of it real? Had he really been manipulating her that entire time?

The previous night at the campfire had felt genuine. She thought that they had truly connected. And they had spent the entire day in town together. That had easily been the best day of her life, and she knew she would keep that memory held in her heart forever. She just thought that he had felt the same way. Every time he had smiled at her and she felt her heart flutter, was that really all part of the ruse?

As she ran her thumb over the small piece of cloth she held in her hand, she tried to be angry at Eugene. Of course she should be mad. He had left her behind, and had told those ruffians about her hair. The memory of him sailing away, crown in hand, was burned into her mind. He had made her trust him just to betray that trust.

Mother told her that she shouldn’t have expected anything more from a conman, and maybe she was right. He never really cared about her, and he had sold her out at the first opportunity he got.

It just didn’t add up. He had the crown, she had given it to him. If that was all he was after, why tell the thugs about her hair? Did he really want to add salt to the wound that badly? Eugene wouldn’t do that. Or maybe he would. Apparently he had been lying to her the whole time, so she didn’t even know what he was really like.

Her mind wandered to their moment underneath the glow of the lanterns. 18 years of dreaming culminating into one perfect moment, and she spent it with him. She remembered everything he had said to her, and the way she felt alive, maybe for the first time, sitting near him and looking into his eyes.

She had misread the signals. Mother had told her time and time again that she was too naive to be in the world, and this was why. She had thought Eugene could really care about her, but it had all been a scam.

Just that thought made her eyes well up with tears. She tried to blink them away, but they were already quietly streaming down her face.

He never cared about her. All their time together had been a lie. Their time together at the campfire. Their day in town. Their almost-kiss under the lanterns. It had all been a part of his scheme to get the crown back.

Her Mother had stayed quiet their entire walk home. Rapunzel knew she was disappointed. Not only had she betrayed her Mother’s wishes, she had also forgotten everything Mother had ever told her about the world.

She tried to wipe away the tears that continued to fall down her face, but they wouldn’t stop. Every breath hurt to take. Every step felt like a mile. The grass she had been so excited to walk on now seemed like it was mocking her from under her feet.

The world was just as cruel as Mother had described, and she had fallen into its trap. She was stupid to believe she could be any different than what Mother had always told her she was.

When they finally arrived back at the tower, the sun was starting to peak up in the sky. Mother took a deep breath. “Here we are, safely home again!” she singsonged.

Home. The tower was the only home she had ever known, but it didn’t feel like home anymore. She had felt so at home with Eugene in just the span of a few days. Now that she was back at the tower, it felt distant and foreign. She couldn’t remember a time that she really felt happy inside the tower. At least not as happy as she had felt outside of it.

She took a shaky breath, wishing that she could stop crying. It felt like there was a hold in her chest as she remembered what the past few days had been. She was so happy. But none of it was real.

Her Mother groaned beside her. “Oh, please, Rapunzel, will you stop crying? It’s very unbecoming,” she berated. “Besides, you have no right to be upset. I told you what would happen, why are you surprised?”

Rapunzel sniffed and nodded, trying to brush away her tears yet again. “I’m sorry, Mother.”

Mother hummed in acceptance, then started leading her back towards the tower. “Come, come, My Flower, let’s get that dreadful braid out of your hair.”

Eugene felt like an idiot.

She was in danger right now, and it was all his fault. He should have known that the Stabbingtons wouldn’t be very accepting of his change in heart. If they hurt her, he was the reason why. She would have never gotten caught up in this mess if it weren’t for him.

He could have just thrown the satchel towards the Stabbingtons and left, not bothering to make conversation with them. Hell, he could have thrown the satchel into the water the second she tried to give it to him.

He should have at least told her where he was going. Now not only is she in danger, she thinks that he had given her up. Maybe he didn’t deserve for her to know the truth, though. No matter his intentions, it was his fault that she was at the hands of the Stabbingtons now. She had every right to hate him for that.

He hadn’t slept all night. Distantly, he realized his hand was stinging. He was pretty sure he had punched a wall in frustration earlier, but his mind was racing and everything that had happened since he had woken up tied to the boat was a blur. He had been pacing this tiny cell for hours trying to think of a solution. He couldn’t escape, not for lack of trying. He had wanted to pick the lock to get out and find her, but there were guards on every side of the corridor. He had no chance of getting out unseen.

He had even tried to talk to the guards and try to get them to let him go, but they refused to hear him. He honestly couldn’t blame them though. Saying that he needed to leave because the Stabbingtons had kidnapped a girl for her magic hair sounded a little bit crazy.

She didn’t deserve any of this. She was the best person he had ever met. She could light up the world just by smiling. She had just gotten to experience the world for the first time, and now she was going to be torn away from it. All because of him.

There was no way for him to know where she was, or if she was okay. He hoped she was able to get away from the Stabbingtons, but he honestly doubted it. The Stabbingtons were not above hurting her to overpower her if she had something they wanted. And clearly, she did have something they wanted.

How did they even know? Were they following him the whole time? Maybe they had been there when she healed his hand and told him about her power. But if that was the case, why would they wait so long to reveal themselves? Surely it would have been easier to take them by surprise at the campsite.

Nothing was adding up, but his thoughts were too clouded to try to piece everything together. The only thing he could think about was the fact that Rapunzel was in danger and there was nothing he could do about it.

He wanted to take a breath, but his body wouldn’t let him. He just continued his nervous pacing back and forth as if that would help him come to a solution. He couldn’t stop imagining her, lost and hurt somewhere and wishing for some way out.

He hoped she was cursing his name right now. He hoped she was angry, wishing that she never met him. He hoped she hated him as much as he hated himself. Because he deserved for her to hate him, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he thought that she didn’t hate him for everything he has done.

A lump started to build up in his throat. He tried to ignore it or swallow it away, but it was overwhelming all his senses. It had been years since he let himself cry, and he didn’t want to start now. But his face was heating up and the tears were making their way out.

All at once, it was like all the feelings he had kept at bay for all these years were flowing out of him. He cried because he was alone in this cell, he cried because she was in danger wherever she was, he cried because there was nothing he could do anymore. He had fucked up, and there was no turning back.

He tried to quell his sobs to no avail. The universe kept dealing out more blows, and his brain was screaming at him. Every decision he had made led to her getting taken by the Stabbingtons. If he hadn’t even started thieving 15 years ago, she would be safe and okay right now. It wasn’t fair that she was paying for his mistakes.

The tears rolled down his face and hit the dusty cell floor below him. His entire body was shaking, and all he wanted to do was scream and cry and curl up in a ball until everything was okay.

He couldn’t help her. He couldn’t do anything. He had been useless all his life, and the only good thing he had ever done was help her see the world outside that god awful tower, and even then she did most of that on her own. If anything, he had been a hindrance to her.

He furiously tried to rub his eyes to stop the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. Why couldn’t he have been better? Why didn’t he do more to stop the Stabbingtons?

One question had been running through his mind all night, and he had been chastising himself over and over. Why didn’t he kiss her when he got the chance?

That was the least of his worries, but the question was still haunting him. He would likely never get the chance again, and he had the opportunity to right there. It was the most simple mistake he made, and it might not have made a difference, but now he just has to live with the fact that he could have and he didn’t.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard the door to his cell open. He turned to see the Captain standing in the doorway. “Let’s get this over with, Rider.”

“Where are we going?” he asked, though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer. The Captain’s silence confirmed his suspicions. “Oh.”

#ah yeah the classic post first date deathly despair #New Dream Appreciation Week #tangled #new dream #fanfic #my writing

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vocalyunho · 4 years

Text

Sorry

pairing — Hongjoong x reader (fem).

genre — angst, smut

word count — 2.6k

warnings & tags — jealous! Hongjoong, hard language, explicit unprotected angsty sex, choking, finger sucking, overstimulation, multiple orgasms.

synopsis — it all started with an argument, a drunk guy and a party you didn’t want to attend in the first place.

This is the first time I’m writing something THIS angsty...idk if it’s good, but I was really in the mood for angst and this request fit it well.

You and Hongjoong had decided not to make your relationship known yet, but when you had to attend a friend’s party separately you knew this would be a problem. You didn’t want to go in the first place but there was no other choice..now, you’re stuck there in the middle of your friend group with a guy that you barely know, being all over you the entire night.

San isn’t a friend of yours, you only know him through your friends and you’ve met him quite some times, but you still consider him kind of a stranger to you. The fact that he’s drunk tonight doesn’t help the situation, nor does the fact that Hongjoong and you had a fight before going to the party. It was a small misunderstanding and you knew he’d get over it sooner or later, but for now he uses the silent treatment which gets into your nerves.

You could play with his feelings and get him jealous, especially now that San is drunk and trying his best to get in your pants, but that’d be too harsh. You ignore San as much as you can, however he’s being too much...he tries to dance with you with your bodies as close to each other’s as possible making you feel his bulge on your thighs...this boy is too hard, he could get off in a minute with just a handjob. You’ve been trying not to make a big deal out of it...after all, he’s drunk, he’ll probably text you a million times tomorrow apologising for what he’s doing right now. Hongjoong doesn’t know that though, and his look on you from the other side of the room is burning you. He hasn’t stopped checking on you and San the entire night, he probably thinks you like what San’s doing and when you get a text from him, your thought gets confirmed.

2:14 am

From Hongjoong ❤️

“meet me in the bathroom in 2 minutes.”

“Be there.”

no emojis, just fullstops on both messages.

You see him making his way towards the toilet, but you take your time to follow after him and for your own good, it doesn’t get unnoticed. 2 minutes later you get a third message from him.

2:16am

From Hongjoong ❤️

“are you coming or should I make you come?”

In any other situation this message could be translated completely differently, but you know he’s mad now. So, instead of acting immature you head to the toilet to solve the, probably, new misunderstanding.

“oh, so you’re talking to me now. wow that’s progress” you say loudly entering the toilet, but he’s not there. Feeling a burn in your stomach, you turn around to leave. Did he really play that game to you? What’s the need?

“follow me” he stands at the door. His face is more serious than ever before and his lips straight, like a line.

“You can’t just move me around the house like a fucking toy, tell me what you want here” you say and he stops dead in his tracks.

He comes close to you, his eyes on yours and his expression strong “I said follow me to the room down the hall”.

Why is he so serious and...most importantly, why’s he so scary? You’ve seen him mad before, many times...and the last time was literally just before you came to the party, but right now he acts like you’ve made the worst mistake of your life.

You follow him silent, ready to snap anytime if needed. If he tries to blame you for anything, you won’t play along with his game. You’re not the perpetrator, you’re the victim.

You both enter the room down the hall, him first, you last and the moment you’re both in, he turns around and slams the door behind you locking it afterwards.

“Who was he?”

“who?”

“don’t act stupid and tell who the fucker that was all over you was”

It’s not visible, but you’re sure smoke is coming out of his ears and, maybe, nostrils too. His eyes are red and the veins on his neck have popped out for the effort not to yell.

“ANSWER ME”

“no one”

If he acts like this, you’ll act like this too.

“I’m sorry, do you think I’m blind?” he comes closer to you “I saw you and him in there acting hideously...last time I checked you were in a relationship with ME, do you think I’m some naive asshole?”

“you are because you don’t fucking trust me” you do the same and the space between you gets small.

“HE WAS ABOUT TO FUCK YOU, IM GLAD I PREVENTED IT” his breath smells like alcohol, but so does yours probably. He isn’t drunk though, at least he doesn’t look like it.

“HE WAS NOWHERE NEAR THAT, BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER LET HIM DO IT”

“OH, LIKE YOU WOULDN’T LIKE THAT”

He really said that, right into your face...like he doesn’t know you, like he doesn’t know how much he means to you, how much you care about him, how much you love him.

“you know what FUCK YOU, HONGJOONG” you point every last word to his chest. Your eyes are filled with tears but you don’t blink to clear your vision, you look at him dead in his own and move to get to the door as soon as possible.

Once you reach for the handle he turns and traps you between the door and his body so fast, you felt dizzy. Your hands are against the door, but his left on your hip and his right on the door next to your face.

“Don’t you dare leave this room, before we solve this” his eyes are on your lips as he speaks.

“We’ll never do that because you’re an asshole and you NEVER listen”.

He distances his face from yours to take all your features in “DON’T YOU FUCKING GET IT?” he slams his hand on the door and you felt a knot in your stomach “DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW JEALOUS YOU MADE ME?”

“I did nothing” he tilts his head.

do you understand who you belong to?”

Your walls clenched and your breathing got faster. His face is on the crook of your neck as he speaks now, his lips slightly touching your skin as they move.

“I belong to no one” you spoke softly and he breathed out loudly and a chuckle left his lips. You want him right here, right now.

“you’re mine, do you get that?” you can feel him poking through his pants.

“fuck me so I can” he instantly felt his dick twitch.

His hand went around your neck and forced you to look up at him. He pressed his body on yours and collided your lips with force. He’s kissing you roughly and you tag on his shirt to keep yourself up, but at the same time your knees feel like no strength is in them anymore. He’s cutting your air influx just a bit, but this with his tongue in your mouth are making your head dizzy.

You part gasping for air and he drives you on the bed with his hand still around your neck. The mattress is firm under you as he’s taking away the obstacle that your clothes are and then he does the same with his own. You’re glad he took responsibility of that because you really needed to calm down and catch your breath. You still feel light headed, probably not only from the lack of oxygen, but also from the anger inside you. How dare he?

“look at me” Hongjoong says hovering above you, he comes closer enough for his lips to touch yours as he speaks “the only thing you’ll be able to say after tonight is my name”

“and everyone will know who you belong to, baby” he licks a stripe along your neck and bites hard onto it with no warning. Your mouth dropped open at the sudden attack, but his words got stuck in your head and the gush of wetness from your core increased. He’s taken his job on marking your neck seriously with his left hand under your chin keeping your head up to have the entire canvas on his view while his right caresses your thigh.

It took him a while to stop and position himself in your entrance, but he slid in so fast, you flinched and the concentration you had on your neck, instantly moved to the feeling between your legs. He bottomed out easily and your eyes rolled at the back of your head. “I said look at me”, he grabbed your chin and made you face him. He managed to stay still for a bit, but your walls are asking for friction so when you started moving your hips against him, he becalmed you with his free hand and his other squeezed your cheeks to lock eyes with him “beg for it”.

“no”

“such a brat” he laughed, “be a good girl and beg for it”

“I said NO”

By the way he looks at you, you know he doesn’t mind the begging that much. He only wants to see your reaction to it and you didn’t let him down at all, so when he pulled out and snapped his hips against you, a smile formed on your lips as a whimper found its way out of your mouth.

“you fucking-” he thrusts hard and slow.

“who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what to do?” you laugh as he picks up the pace. You’re making him angrier. He’s always the leader, the one to be in charge and have everything around him as he wants it, except for when it comes to you. You’ve come in terms with it, it’s hot. It’s hot when he pins you down and fucks the living lights out of you, but you don’t play along with it. You love to make him so hard to the point he can’t keep himself in, even on a friend’s house, like right now. These are the consequences of being in a relationship with you, he asked for it and he’s loving it.

His hold on your waist is so tight, but not enough. You keep bouncing on his dick because of the force of his thrusts and you know he’s thinking the same because his other hand wrapped around your throat again. The headboard starts knocking on the wall and you’re glad the music on the speakers is loud. The curve of his cock and your walls parting for him so easily, helps him hit just the right spot.

“shiit- ffuuuckkk- mee-” you say through greeted teeth and your back arches to feel him deeper.

“watch your fucking mouth” he groans.

“wh-what are you g-gonna do about it-?” you looked at him with a smirk on your lips and his pupils dilated when he looked back at you. “You’ll be begging me to stop” he said and kept fucking back into you, a groan accompanying each thrust. Something felt different on how you felt him inside you this time...he fills you up better, the feeling between your legs is stronger and your mind is messier, but you couldn’t bring yourself to realise the reason, until he accidentally slipped out before a thrust.

His dick hit his stomach hard, but he didn’t mind it and buried himself inside you again. Your body twitched at the sudden stretch again and a groan left your lips. That’s it. He feels different because he pulls out completely every time, not just halfway like always. He pulls out his entire length and backs it in harder.

“so- fucking tight”.

Your mouth has formed into a silent scream as occasional moans or cries make their way out of it, until he puts two fingers in it.

“suck”, he groans it. He can’t speak properly anymore and when you started sucking on his fingers, he dropped his head as a low “fuck Y/N” found its way out of him. He’s pounding into you, yet his fingers stay still in your mouth. Your mind is all over the place, you’re sweating and you can feel the blood running hot through your brain.

“ffuuuck that’s it THAT’S IT” you cry it out, but push yourself down on his dick as he took his hand away from your mouth.

“you’re such a dirty brat” he half laughs, half groans.

“fuck me harder, you coward” Your hands reach for the sheets under you, not really making a difference, but this gave him the opportunity to hold on your thigh. “how fucking- dare you assume t-that I’d like someone else fucking me?” you’re shamelessly grinding against him and tears start to form on the corners of your eyes. Your walls clench and sparks appear in front of you, you’re close. You instinctively try to close your legs, but he pushed them wider than before.

“Give me your all” he started drawing circles on your clit and, now, your legs tremble too.

“Hongjoonggg-” all your senses have left you and the only thing you’re feeling is the pleasurable abuse of your clit and hole.

“HONGJOONG IM-” you didn’t get to finish your phrase, not that you could anyways, and you came around him with loud cries mixed with louder moans and curses. He’s groaning and his dick’s throbbing inside you but he doesn’t stop. He falls on top of you, keeping himself up with one hand as the sound between your legs gets squelchy.

You’re crying and you can’t stop your chords from letting all types of sounds out. You’re bouncing, but he synchronised your movements and collided your lips. He’s kissing you hungrily and your eyes are wetting his cheeks. He bit onto your lower lip and let his words fill your mouth “fuck, I’m sorry” he groaned heavily against you. He shoved himself inside you once again and kept pounding mercilessly, like you hadn’t just come. You can’t take it anymore, the feeling is too much, but he still hits your g-spot.

“Hongjoong- please”

“come again” he says and slips his tongue inside your mouth. Your moans get mixed and he’s breathing so heavily, you know he’s holding back his climax. Every ridge of his cock gets dragged along your walls and, fuck, you’re clenching again.

“Hongjoong please, PLEASE-” it hurts but you feel the burn in your stomach again.

“come on, come for me again” he’s looking at you but you shut your eyes and he touched your foreheads. You feel numb and you didn’t realise but your legs started trembling again.

“fuck I’ll come- you’re so tight again-” his hips stutter.

“shiiiit” he pulled out fast and came in spurts on your stomach as you let your hot spill out for the second time tonight. He’s groaning as he’s pumping himself and his hot liquid lands everywhere. You’re heaving and you can’t feel your lower part at all.

“You needed a good fuck, didn’t you?” he’s sitting on his heals, trying to catch his breath as his member softens. He’s so beautiful like this...his hair’s gotten all fucked up and his lips are red and swollen and you heard his “I’m sorry” damn well a while ago.

“shut up” you say, your heart’s beating so fast. You needed this, indeed.

“watch your mouth”

“shut up and help me up, I can’t feel my legs”

“......I didn’t mean what I said earlier”

“we’re not gonna talk about this here”

“are you kidding? We just fucked in here”

“I don’t care. We’ll talk at home with clear minds and without this damn loud music”.

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez angst #hongjoong smut #hongjoong angst #kim hongjoong #ateez hongjoong #kpop imagines #kpop fics #angsty sex is the best sex #but always make sure to solve any problems through talking with your partner #okay but please tell me your opinion on this #thanks for requesting this #Amelie writes 🌱

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