#and i just never contacted them bc i felt it wasnt MY FUCKING JOB to make sure they got the request that I SENT THEM
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Wow just fucking wow
I sent in a medical records request in october? To get life insurance through work (why not right?) And my stupid dr never sent them in.
WHY DID I JUST NOW GET A TEXT FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANY THAT THEY JUST RECEIVED MY RECORD?!?!?!??!?!
Fucking unbelievable
#marquilla#they give you like 60 days to get the records. this fucker took like double that. what the fuck.#he's such an incompetent dr as in his office is just so poorly structured that if you do not have them send something in#RIGHT THEN when youre there watching its a fucking toss up if it gets in#and i just never contacted them bc i felt it wasnt MY FUCKING JOB to make sure they got the request that I SENT THEM#and i said well if they get it and i get approved it was meant to be otherwise ill try again some other time.#honestly i only still go to him bc he gave me a disability parking card with no problems like i expected#he was like yeah sure ambulatory cane user yeah you have fibro and cfs mhm got it 👍👍#where i thought he'd be like weeeell do you REALLY need it? i mean you work without it... (bc i only do 4 hrs and can pace it)#but like god help you if you want a new rx for an inhaler for your well documented asthma 🙄 had to ask my allergist the next time i saw him#like a year later and he was like... what have you been doing without one??? like bumming off mom sgdgdggdgdd and drinking warm water while#breathing very measured breaths like the school nurse made me like sgdggdgd im fine i just want to have a new script so i have refills and#fresh inhalers if i fucking need one but apparently my dr didnt think i did 🙄 my allergist actually called in two shgdgdgd#he was like get this bitch TWO inhalers and an epipen NOW
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Promise (Dad!Kirishima x Fem!Reader)
A/N: Kirishima was your first love and when you had to leave, he fucked up but he is going to win you back!
"Daddy, wake up!" when he opened his eyes, Mizuki was sitting on top of him,
squeezing his cheeks. "Daddy come on! You are gonna be late for work!"
Kirishima finally managed to open his eyes and looked at his daughter, she was already in her white dress that had daisies on it. He smiled at his daughter and looked at her beautiful crimson eyes. Her hair color was pink just like her mothers, her teeth werent like his but her eyes were just like his. "Im up, sunshine." He smiled and Mizuki gave him a kiss on the cheek "Im waiting for you in the kitchen, daddy." then she left, she was just 7 but she was acting like an adult, she was always so mature but kind and loving at the same time. Kirishima looked at the door that her daughter closed and sighed he quickly took a shower and got dressed. Then he looked at the time and gasped 7.45 am ?! he had 15 minutes then his phone rang and he looked at the contact info "Y/N" his heart started to beat faster. You were his one and only L/N Y/N, his highschool crush... His dream was becoming a hero and having you by his side, now he was a hero and you were always by his side but thats not how he wanted to and he was going to change that.
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Everything happened in your second year in U.A, your father was running a business in America and you were staying with your mother in Japan but your father wanted his family next to him. You got in an argument with him, your mother knew how hard you worked , you were a successful student, Mr.Aizawa was hopeful about your future, life was perfect with your loving friends, your high grades but he was the main reason why you worked so hard. His name was Kirishima Eijiro, you had a crush on him since the first year of U.A high. Your sunshine... Everyone knew what was happening between you two and your friends supported you till the end. One day when you were listening to Present Mic's lecture the door of your classroom suddenly opened and Principal Nezu called you, you could feel the confused looks your classmates gave you. You quietly stood up and followed him, Kirishima was worried. When Principal Nezu opened the door of his office you saw your father sitting there with your mother, at first you were so happy to see them "Father! You came back from America?!" He smiled, but then he got serious, Principal told you to sit down and started to tell you that your parents were going to move to America and they wanted you to come with them. You were furious you talked about this before and told them that you wanted to stay at U.A but now Principal Nezu was trying to explain that people need to make hard decisions sometimes.
You started to cry... You were going to leave everything behind, what about him? Your sunshine? Then the door opened and Mr.Aizawa appeared, he wasnt pleased by the information of you leaving, he tried to convince your parents but it didnt work. When you heard the bell rang you got up, bowed to Principal Nezu and started to walk towards your classroom then you heard All Might, he was jogging towards you, he gave you a hug and told you to work harder. He knew how determined and strong you were "Young L/N, never give up, we trust you especially Mr.Aizawa." you gave a weak smile and started to walk again, he sighed and tought *You are strong L/N.* when you arrived your classmates immediately walked towards you, you tried to explain that you needed to leave for your fathers job and all of a sudden you broke down... You were crying while Momo was patting your back and Uraraka was hugging you. Thats when Kirishima stepped in the classroom. He saw you and his eyes widened, your red eyes bc of crying, shiny tears... He tought that you got hurt, he ran towards you and kneeled in front of you. Your body acted on its own, you wrapped your arms around his neck and cried. "E-eijiro..." This was the first time that you called him by his first name, his eyes met yours "I dont w-wanna..." you were trying to speak between your loud sobs, everyone got more worried. "Hey... Its okay Y/N, take your time." He smiled and squeezed you. "I dont wanna leave..." He leaned back and looked at your eyes "You dont wanna leave?" he asked, you started to explain everything that happened, when you finished his brows were furrowed, he clenched his teeth, the love of his life were... Leaving? "W-what? You are going to live there?" You nodded and looked at the floor. No one wanted you to leave. After packing your things in your dorm, everyone was gathered in the common room to give you warm hugs, even Bakugou was there. When you hugged everyone, you looked at your sunshine... His eyes were glued to the floor you knew he was trying so hard to not to cry, you walked towards him and took his hands, he didnt wanted to cry while you were leaving "My sunshine..." his eyes widened, you never called him that. Yes, he knew that both of you were crushing on eachother but it was just flirting, shy smiles and gettin protective. Tears started fall from his eyes "How can you look so manly and beautiful while crying?" You smiled and his cheeks were getting warmer. "I promise you, i will work hard for you then im going to come back." He looked at you, you were tearing up too... "Y/N..." his voice was trembling, "Im going to work hard too... Im going to be the strongest so please count on me!" his tears were falling to his shirt, you smiled between your tears and hugged him. Everyone was silent it was like a scene from a sad movie. Kirishima closed his eyes, then he felt something soft on his cheek, when he realized that you pecked his cheek, his eyes started to shine and a small smile appeared on his lips. "Thats better." you said and smiled back. "Keep texting me ok?" he asked and you nodded then you took your suitcase and left the building. Ofc he cried...
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Then everything started to get complicated, you were attending to a prestigious school in America but it wasnt lively like U.A everyone looked so cold and fake. You finished highschool with high grades and the texts you sent to Kirishima started to get shorter and shorter. He understood that you were having a hard time with college and stuff so he respected you but being so far away from you was hard for him. When you felt like you were going to give up you always remembered the promise that you made *Im going to work hard then come back.* that promise always boosted your energy. It was the same for Kirishima, he always tought about the promise he made and worked harder to become a strong hero.
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One day, when you were taking a walk with your mother at a park, you accidentally dropped your phone in the lake and bought a new phone, your contact list was gone but luckily the girls wanted your number by messaging your social media accounts. The texts that you send to Kirishima were pretty short and propably once a month, it was the same for him. When you were talking with Uraraka on the phone she accidentally let something slip from her mouth and that crashed you. "Y/N look, you know having a long distance crush is very difficult and since both of you have goals you cant start a relationship but Kirishima has female friends and they are kinda affecting him..." You were broken, Uraraka panicked bc of the silence and you asked "Who?" she gulped and said "Mina..." you froze, Uraraka explained that theres nothing going on between them but she had some suspicions about Mina having a crush on him and she told you that Mina loved you but feelings couldnt be controlled. Their relationship was affecting him bc they were close but you were so far away... Your college was in America and your father didnt let you leave, you really needed to see your friends, ask about Mina and Kirishima's relationship, Kiri was your sunshine and you trusted him. After gathering your courage you decided to call Mina...
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Kirishima was sitting on the couch with Kaminari and Bakugou, Mina was in the kitchen and Sero was sitting on the floor. "Come on Mina, we already chose the movie!" Kaminari yelled. Mina came with a bowl of popcorn and looked at the guys. "Umm where am i gonna sit?" she asked, Kirishima was sandwiched between his friends. "Tch, on the floor." Bakugou replied with a cold tone. When you left, Bakugou made a silent promise to himself to support his buddy but Kiri being close with Mina was pissing him off because he knew you were working hard for him, Bakugou didnt told anyone but he was texting you sometimes and you always told him that you were working hard and trying to come back, he felt so mad. While you were working your ass off, Kiri was having fun with Mina and making things complicated for both of them. Bakugou once said "What are you trying to do, shitty hair? Dont you love L/N or somethin' why are you letting Racoon eyes flirt with you? If you want to be a hero keep your promises first." He didnt mean to be harsh but someone needed to warn Kiri. Kirishima sighed and said "Dont be rude bakubro!" and smiled. Mina started to push Kaminari and he sat on the floor then she sat next to Kiri and put her legs on his lap, Bakugou made an unpleased noise. Just then, Mina's phone rang and it was on the floor, Kaminari quickly looked at the contact info and said "It's Y/N!" the blood drained from her face and Kirishima's heart stopped. Mina quickly grabbed the phone and excused herself. Kirishima was frozen on the couch, Bakugou looked at his friend and sighed... Mina quickly closed the door and answered "Hello Y/N?" when you heard her voice your heart started to beat faster, you didnt wanted to accept the fact that she was gettin intimate with him. "Mina, i need to ask you something." Mina gulped normally your voice was always energetic but now it was irritated and cold. "Are you dating with Kirishima?" her heart stopped the next question only made her panic more "Do you like him?" her throat was dry, hands were cold and mind was spinning. Kaminari got up and started bite his nails he looked at Kirishima, his eyes were on the floor, his was avoiding eye contact. Bakugou smirked, he was proud of you but he was mad at the same time how could something like this happen? You guys made a promise and Kiri didnt even bother to tell you that he was flirting with Mina. "Uh... Should i go and check on her?" Sero asked. "Shut up and sit." Bakugou replied then they heard Mina scream and she got louder, they all panicked except Bakugou. On the other hand your voice was trembling with anger "WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THAT YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH HIM?!" you were yelling at this point "WHILE YOU GUYS WERE GETTING LOVEY DOVEY, I WAS TRICKING MYSELF WITH STUPID ASS FAKE PROMISES THAT WE MADE!" you started to cry... Mina was only gettin louder cuz she didnt had the right to defend herself then she hung up on you. You broke down and started to cry, on the other line Mina started to tear up too. 10 minutes later Mina came out of the room 4 pair of eyes were looking at her with curiousity. She didnt said anything and started the movie then Bakugous phone got a notification and he got up. It was from you, he sighed and started to head towards the kitchen but Kirishima stopped him, Kiri had an anxious look in his eyes but it looked like regret too. "Watch the god damn movie im coming shitty hair." then he left, Kiri was looking at the TV but his mind was a complete mess he was making theories. Bakugou opened his phone and saw your name on it, he sighed and looked at the message that you sent to him.
You: Bakugou, i called Mina, i know i promised you that i was going to be strong and work hard but i cant take it anymore. Mina confirmed the fact that she was having some sort of thing with Kiri and i dont know,i feel so weak.
Bakugou: Dont feel weak bc of people, never. If you wanna make them regret it, stay strong.Dont forget that. Shitty Hair is the one who broke the promise isnt he? Why do you feel weak, he should be the one who's feeling weak. Stupid y/n what am i gonna do with you huh?
You: Bakugou, thank you. Im gonna get stronger and when i come back, lets eat some spicy food, ok?
A small smile appeared on his face and he sighed.
Bakugou: You better get stronger, its a promise now. Dont chicken out cuz when you say spicy i expect something spicy.
You looked at your phone and smiled, having someone strong like Bakugou as a friend was such a blessing. Bakugou on the other hand sat on the couch and he had a genuine smile on his face. His friends started to look at him with surprised eyes and he gave them a 'the fuck you want?' look then continued to watch the movie.
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One year later...
You opened your mail box and saw an invitation, you looked at it, it was written 'Midoriya x Uraraka Wedding Invitation' on it, “THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED?!” You screamed and called Uraraka, she said that she really wanted to see you on her wedding with Deku. Everyone missed you so much and since it was an important event your father would porpably let you go. You quickly asked for permission and he said yes. You quickly looked for a dress then found a gorgeous royal blue dress and silver earings with a necklace. Your father quickly booked you a room from a luxurious hotel and you packed your things. Your flight was comfortable, when you came to the airport you saw Momo and Shoto, Momo ran towards you with teary eyes and hugged you, Shoto gave you a warm hug and took your suitcase. Your friends knew about the fight with Mina so they made a plan to keep you away from eachother. You were going to be with Momo, Jiro and Uraraka while she was going to be with Tsuyu and Hagakure for the most of the time. Shoto and Momo dropped you at your hotel and gave you some time to relax. You quickly took a shower and layed on the queen sized bed. The wedding was at 7.00 pm so you set an alarm to 5.00 pm and decided to take a nap. A phone call woke you up, it was from Jiro she asked you if were ready or not and you quickly started to dress up then you got a call from the front desk saying that you have a visitor. It was Momo, when she saw you she let out a gasp "Y/N, you are beautiful!" you smiled and she started to design your hair. Then you helped Momo wih her make up and quickly left the hotel, Shoto was waiting outside. When you got in the car, your stomach started to burn Kirishima was going to be there... After the fight you didnt had a conversation with him and blocked him. Momo sensed your anxiety and held your hand.
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Kirishima didnt had a clue, he didnt know that y/n was coming, so many things happened in a year. He asked Mina if she wanted to be his partner for the rest of his life but he didnt proposed, he tought it was too early and he couldnt get someone out of his mind 'y/n'. Whenever he tought about her, his heart started to beat faster and faster. His mind was a mess, he was trying so hard to move on with Mina but his heart was always telling him the opposite. He wore a tuxedo and put a crimson rose on his suit. Bakugou was gettin ready at the bathroom. Then he saw his bro's phone on the bed, a notification popped up, he quickly grabbed the phone, then he saw it. 'Message from y/n: Baku im on my way with Mo and Sho!" He stopped breathing and threw the phone to the bed. Just then Bakugou came out and when he saw a pale Kiri, he got worried. "The hell Shitty Hair? You saw a murder or somethin?" Kiri gulped and shook his head. "Hahaha, you are funny bro, come on lets go!" he started to make new theories his best friend and y/n were... talking? Were they...? No. Bakugou wouldnt do that to him. Bakugou grabbed his phone and looked at the message, he smiled to himself and left the house with Kiri.
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"Y/N!" Ojiro walked towards you, "Ojiro-san! Oh, its been so long how are you?" you started to chat and he showed you the table that reserved for class A. When you walked towards the table you saw your friends Kaminari, Tokoyami, Hagakure, the others and... Mina. You made eye contact for a second then she averted her eyes. "Y/N, you look amazing!" Hagakure said. You thanked then had a little chit-chat with her and Tsuyu. "Uh, Kaminari? Where is Bakugou?" You asked and some of your friends looked at you. Kaminari knew that you were close with Bakugou in some way bc he accidentally saw some of your texts and he didnt know that Bakugou could be soft. He was relieved that someone was supporting you. "Dont worry, he is on his way!" he said. Then Momo came and took a seat next to you, all of a sudden she took your hands in hers and you looked at her. "Y/N, calm down and slowly stand up okay?Bakugou is here... with Kirishima." Your eyes widened, Momo saw your expression and squeezed your hand. You stood up turned around and your eyes immediately met with crimson ones but luckily it was Bakugou's and you gave a sigh of relief. He smirked and walked towards you, you smiled. "Hey, how are you Bakugou?" he snorted "I should be the one asking you that." oh Bakugou and his attitude. Then your eyes drifted to his left and you stopped breathing, Bakugou quickly saw the change on your face and turned around, Kirishima was standing behind him with wide shiny eyes. You quickly averted your eyes and sat down. Bakugou grabbed Kiri's wrist and they sat down. Your friends were chatting to ease the tension but you were looking at your hands in your lap a waiter came and offered you some wine, when you started to sip it Mina started to tell Tsuyu about her wedding plans and you stopped on your tracks. Bakugou was watching you carefully. "Kiri and i are thinking of something simple, he still thinks its early but we have plans for our future." what... future...? Everyone went silent and Tsuyu nodded at Mina, then she turned at you and asked "By the way Y/N how was America? Are you seeing someone at the moment, you are pretty succesful and beautiful." Your father introduced you to his business partners sons but you always tought about Kirishima. *Ok then lets play dirty Kiri.* you tought and started to talk "Well, America is good but Japan has a special place in my heart, also yeah there are some guys that my father introduced me to and im not so sure yet but there is one..." you trailed of and gave a side glance to Kirishima, he was directly looking at you. Well you lied, you refused all of those guys but you wanted Kirishima to get hurt (emotionally ofc) "Oh my, foreign guys are interesting arent they?" Hagakure giggled and you decided to go with the flow so you nodded and giggled back. Kirishima was squeezing his fists, he hid them under the fancy table and clenched his teeth. He had a big ache in his heart. Then all of a sudden someone touched your shoulder and you turned "Hey, hey, hey Y/N!" your eyes widened "Fatgum!" you stood up and hugged him, he patted your shoulder. "How's your father doing huh? When are you going to move here?" he asked, you smiled and huffed "Well he wants me to work at his hero agency." Fatgum furrowed his brows and opened his mouth "You know Y/N, the crime rate in America is higher than Japan, you have a strong quirk and i really need someone like you in my agency, why dont you work with me?" Kirishima's breath hitched in his throat and quickly looked at you "Oh, well if my father lets me then why not?" Kiri's eyes shined so Fatgum's "He is my old friend dont worry i will convince him!" he laughed and left than you sat down and met with Momo's confused face. She whispered in your ear "Y/N, Kirishima is going to work at his agency..." Your eyes widened then you started to think, you were going to accept his offer and took revenge from Kirishima, he was going to see your face everyday and you were going to do everything you could to make him suffer. "Its okay Momo, i got this." You winked at her and she gave a worried smile. Then the lights go off and you saw Uraraka and Midoriya, they danced and started to talk with the guests, Uraraka quickly saw the table for Class A and ran towards you, you stood up and hugged her "Y/N, you came!" she was getting emotional so do you, "I cant miss this now, can i?" you both giggled and Midoriya appeared "Welcome back Y/N!" you smiled and said "I'm home..." then everyone at your table looked at you with wide eyes, you just made your decision in 5 minutes, you were going to stay at Japan. "Y-you are staying here?!" Uraraka almost shouted and you nodded. "Well, i saw Fatgum and he made an offer so... Guess im movin here!" Uraraka started to tear up and you hugged her "Hey! No crying, beautiful lady!" she laughed and squeezed you tighter. They continued to talk with other guests and Jiro turned at you "We should celebrate this Y/N!" Tsuyu and Momo nodded. "Hey, what about us?" Kaminari whined. "No boys allowed!" Jiro frowned at him. After the wedding Shoto dropped you at your hotel and you quickly made a phone call, your father answered the phone and you started to tell him about the wedding and Fatgum, when he heard his close friends name he laughed and started to listen carefully, you told him about his offer and he went silent, he told you that he needed to talk with Fatgum and hung up. You sighed and layed on your bed.
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Two years later...
You woke up and took a quicky shower, it has been two years and you started to work at Fatgums' agency, he always supported you and told you to do your best. Magically, he managed to convince your father telling him the rising crime rate at America and how Japan is safer. So many things happened in two years Kirishima and Mina got married, Uraraka was pregnant and you were pretty popular in the agency, everyone was talking about how strong you were but it didnt matter because it has been 5 months... Kirishima and Mina were married for 5 months and it hurted like hell ofc you didnt showed up at their wedding and Uraraka told you that the tension at the wedding was pretty thick but that was none of your business. You quickly got in your car and drove towards the agency, you only talked with Kirishima during the missions and it was obvious that he wanted to talk to you but you always took a step back and ignored him, whenever you called his name bc of paperwork, his eyes shined like a little boys. It was weird, he was married so why was he making things complicated for you?
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Kirishima was getting ready for work but he didnt wanted to go, yesterday was terrible. He was having problems with Mina since the day they got married. Mina was always attacking him with "You dont love me Eijiro!" and "Do you still love her?!" or "If you are confused why did you wanted to marry me?!". But yesterday was terrible. When he came home from work, Mina was sitting at their couch with a plastic thing in her hand, she told Kiri to sit and started to explain that she got... pregnant. Kirishima loved kids but they didnt had a healthy relationship, he was still questioning himself about his feelings and you were working at his agency. He got up and washed his face and Mina started to cry. Ofc they were going to have the child but Kiri was sure now. He never loved Mina, he always wanted a child from you but that was not going to change the fact that the baby in Mina was his and he promised himself to love the baby no matter what. He quickly grabbed his keys and left the apartment. When he arrived at the gate of his agency and parked his car, he saw you. He was trying so hard to melt the ice wall that you created. He quickly jogged towards you "G-good morning!" you looked at him and nodded when you started to walk he followed you and when he opened his mouth to start a conversation his stomach growled loudly. You quickly raised an eyebrow and his face turned red he quickly chuckled and scratched his head you looked at the paper bag in your hand and opened it, he curiously looked at you and you handed him a muffin and a cookie. "F-for me?" he asked, you replied "What do you think?" he smiled and took it "Thank you..."
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You quickly sat at your desk and started to write some stuff then a woman came
"Lady Magma, the interns are waiting for you." that was your hero name 'Lady Magma' Your quirk was Lava, if you touch an object you can melt it or if you stare at something and activate your quirk it starts to melt and turns to lava. "Im coming." you stood up and left. Kiri looked at your desk and an idea popped in his head. When lunch time came you noticed that you forgot your phone on your desk. When you approached your desk you saw a paper bag and opened it, there was some muffins and donuts in the bag. You raised your eyebrow and noticed the little note 'Enjoy the muffins -Kirishima' You gulped and took a donut, when you had a bite you noticed the falling tears from your eyes. Kiri left early from work and started to head towards Bakugou's house, he sent him a quick text and Bakugou told him that he was on his way. His hands started to tremble just when he was trying to make it up to you, Mina was telling him that she was pregnant. He needed Bakugou's advice. When Bakugou came he saw Kiri sitting on a chair, his hands were pulling his hair. "What happened again, Shitty hair?" he asked but when he saw his friends eyes filled with tears he quickly took of his coat. "Oi Kirishima, why are you crying?" he sat down and Kiri opened his mouth "Mina is pregnant." Katsuki's eyes widened, he didnt know what to say bc Kiri didnt looked happy. "Just when im trying to fix things with Y/N..." the tears continued to fall and thats when Bakugou snapped, Kirishima was his best friend but he needed to be realistic. "How are you trying to fix things with her? Kirishima you broke your promise, you know that right? She trusted you and you wounded her! Then you got married with racoon eyes and you expect your marriage to be good, you dont even love her! Stop living in a dreamland and be realistic for a second, Y/N moved on, even if she still loves you, she managed to move on. You made a mistake so stop playing with her mind and feelings. She is trying to forget you and since your 'WIFE' is pregnant she is going to get sad again, thats enough let Y/N breathe." Then he got up and poured a glass of water. "I dont know what to do..." he looked at Bakugou and sighed. "What do you feel? If you dont love racoon eyes why are you sticking with her? Think carefully Kirishima, im going to take a shower." Then he left. Kirishima closed his eyes and started to think "What do i feel...?" He knew everything, he knew that he was still in love with you but it was too late, he didnt even explained himself in the past but he wasnt happy and he wanted to be happy so he was going to listen to Bakugou.
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When he got home Mina was eating cookies and watching a movie. He sat down and closed the TV, Mina looked at her "Mina, we need to talk." her eyes widened bc of Kiri's serious tone. "What are we gonna talk about?" she asked, her stomach started to turn. "I want a divorce." he looked at her and waited for a response then Mina started to shout "Are you going to leave me alone with our child?! I knew it, you never loved me!" Kiri grabbed her arms and pulled her in a hug "Im not going to leave you with our child, im going to love our child no matter what but we cant stay married Mina and you know it. Im tired, i dont wanna lie to myself anymore." her sobs got louder "B-but Eiji, i loved you!" Kirishima took a step back to meet her eyes and said "Mina, lets be honest to ourselves from now on."
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You were drinking some coffee with Momo and Uraraka, it was a quiet evening and your friends brought some cakes to eat. When Momo took a sip from her cup she started to speak "Y/N, we heard that Mina is pregnant." You stopped chewing your cake and looked at her, they got married and it was natural that they were having a child but it still hurted. You wanted to built a family... With him... "Oh, congrats." Uraraka and Momo shared a nervous look then Uraraka continued "But... They are getting a divorce." You started to cough and choke on your cake. "Oh god!" Momo quickly patted your back and you chugged down a whole glass of water. "Why?" you asked them with wide eyes. "They had problems from the start, Mina always told us that she was suspicious about Kiri having feelings for you." you stopped breathing. "They are getting a divorce bc of... me?" you asked, you tried to move on but it was your fault??? “No Y/N, ofc not!" Momo interrupted and continued "Mina called me and told me that Kiri was struggling with a problematic marriage and she told me that Kirishima said something like 'I cant lie to myself anymore." or something similar to that, so its Kirishimas fault not yours." You were furious, you were going to give him a piece of his mind, you waited for the girls to left your house.
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After an hour of talking, Mina kicked Kirishima out and he was going to stay at Bakugous place. He was thinking about her, the love of his life, Y/N. Everything could be perfect but he ruined it. Then Bakugou came with two cans of beer and sat beside him. When he brought the can to his mouth his phone rang and both men saw the name on Katsuki's phone. "Y/N?" Kirishima looked at his friend and Katsuki shrugged, he pressed 'answer'. "Hey, Katsuki." he heard your voice from the other line "What up?" he replied. "Where the hell is Kirishima?" Kirishima heard his name on the phone and quickly looked at his friend "What is she saying?!" he asked, Katsuki gave him a 'shut up' look and asked "Why? Is it about work?" you started to get more irritated "WHY DO I NEED TO GIVE YOU A REASON WHERE IS HE!" Katsuki's eyes widened and he looked at Kirishima, even he heard her shout. Then Kirishima nodded and Katsuki continued "Hes at my place." then you replied "Ok, im already on my way tell him to come out." Katsuki was dumbfounded what the fuck was happening? "What?! Why are you coming here-" then you hung up "Damn it !" Kirishimas eyes were wide open "Y/N is coming here?!" Katsuki grabbed his shoulders and looked at him in the eyes "She is coming for you and she is furious! You got this!" then he started to shake him "Ya hear me?!" Kirishima was trying to understand the situation but both of them were confused as heck. "W-wait bro, what am i supposed to do?!" he panicked and Katsuki replied "The hell, i dont know?! Just go there and listen to her! She is almost here!" Kirishima quickly brushed his teeth and used one of his bros perfume. He was trying to do some breathing exercises then both of them heard your cars horn. "Ok, go there and stay strong!" Katsuki opened his apartments door and Kirishima nodded.
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You leaned onto your car and crossed your arms in front of your chest. Then you saw a stupid redhead walking towards you with a nervous face, your heart clenched in your chest. "H-hey Y/N, how can i help you?" oh his stupid voice, his stupid eyes. You hated him, how he made your heart stop, how he made your cheeks flush, how he made your body shake. Then his eyes widened
and you asked "What are you looking at?!" and he slowly gulped "Y/N, you are crying..." Then your eyes widened and you touched your cheeks, why were you crying? He should be the one who was crying! "I-i.... You-!" You started to sob, he didnt know what do all he wanted to do was hug you but he knew that you didnt wanted him to touch you. "Y/N-" , "Stop! Dont even open your mouth and listen to me!" he stopped and waited for you to calm down. "I heard that you are getting a divorce, is that true?" you asked and tried to stay calm "Yes..." he answered "Why?" you asked another question without waiting. "Why are you gettin a divorce it has only been 5 months ?" you even knew how long. "Isnt she pregnant? Shouldnt you be supportive?" Kirishima's heart stopped, you knew that Mina was pregnant? "I cant do it, it doesnt feel right. Im going to be a dad for our child but...", "But what, Kirishima?" he was gettin more nervous "We just cant get along." he gave a short answer. You took a deep breath "Uraraka told me that she was accusing you for having feelings for me." His cheeks started to burn and he saw the sad look in your eyes "I tried to move on, Kirishima i tried... I didnt do anything to you both and you are getting a divorce BECAUSE OF ME?" you started to raise your voice "No! Its not because of you, i cant take it thats why we are getting a divorce!" he raised his voice, he wanted you to listen. "I want answers! WHY DID YOU LEFT ME ?!" your legs started to shake and you were having a hard time trying to stand straight, he immediately tried to hold you but you pushed him "KIRISHIMA TELL ME! WHY DID YOU STOPPED LOVING ME?!I WORKED SO HARD JUST FOR YOU! YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING!" you were crying on the floor, he started to cry and kneeled in front of you, he pulled you into a tight hug, first you struggled and begged him to let you go but he was too strong for you. He waited for you to calm down and started to stroke your hair. When he felt your hands clutching onto his shirt he didnt wanted to let you go and inhaled your scent. "I dont have any excuse, i ruined our future, you were so far away yet worked so hard just for me, Mina and i had a friendship and we just lied to ourselves, i was such a stupid teenager and im still so stupid, on the wedding i kept imagining you walking beside me... I never loved anyone else but you..." he waited for you to say something but when you stayed silent he continued "We started to have fights on the first day of our marriage and she always brought you up saying that i was still in love with you, i never denied it because it was true and she knew that." he sighed "Bakugou always warned me about my desicions but i was keep following my stupid thoughts, even all of our friends were against the idea of us getting married but they stayed silent because they didnt wanted us to think that they are bad." you raised your head and looked at him in the eyes, his eyes were begging for you, it's been so long... you were finally touching him. "Y/N, i want you, i want you to be my partner, i want you to be the mother of our kids, even if you hate me... I love you, you are the only one im thinking about since highschool." you touched his cheek and his eyes started to shine with tears again, he quickly covered your hand with his "I dont hate you Kirishima, you... yes you are stupid!" he laughed and you joined him. "Y/N, please give me a chance and lets build our future." he looked at you with sincere eyes and rested his forehead on yours. "Kiri... Promise me, you are going to do your best." he grabbed your waist and pulled you onto his lap, you let out a yelp and turned red "I promise, sunshine." your heart started to beat faster, you used to call him that. He leaned closer and closer... Then after all these years both of you shared your first kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he squeezed your waist, he didnt wanted to let you go, he finally had you by his side and he promised himself to make you the happiest woman in the world. When you exchanged numbers you gave him a goodnight kiss and left, Bakugou was waiting for him in his living room, he expected to see a sad and broken Kiri but when he returned he had the biggest smile on his face. "Did she hit your head with a metal stick, why you smiling?" Bakugou asked, this dude was crying 45 minutes ago but now he was jumping around like a little boy. Kiri told him everything that happened and Bakugou was happy for his best friend "You better not ruin it this time that stupid Y/N is my friend too, or something like that." Bakugou never admitted loudly but he cared about you he was the one who supported you all this time.
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After all this events, Kirishima finally managed to separate his ways with Mina and took Y/N on several dates, the girls were so happy for Y/N and the boys supported their relationship then congratulated Y/N for her patience and keeping up with Kirishima's stupid actions. After some months Mina gave birth to a little baby girl. Kirishima promised to be a caring dad and he rented an apartment for himself. His daughter was really fond of him and he was the sweetest dad ever but sometimes you got jelaous bc you wanted him to be the father of your kids. One day when you were watching an animation with Mizuki, Kirishima suddenly grabbed your hand and dragged you to his kitchen, he wrapped his arms around you and peppered your cheeks with kisses then things started to get intimate and you stopped him "Kiri, Mizuki is here remember?" he smiled, how could you be so thoughtful? You were such an angel, he lifted you and made you sit on the kitchen island, he layed his head on your chest and you started to stroke his hair. Then suddenly Mizuki appeared and you quickly pushed Kirishima, she came with an empty bowl that used to be filled with cookies "Can i have more cookies?" she asked and Kirishima sighed "But didnt Y/N filled that bowl with cookies, dont eat too much." she made puppy dog eyes and you giggled "But i love eating Y/N's cookies!" she whined then looked at you with confused eyes "Why are you sitting up there Y/N?" you quickly remembered what you were doing a minute ago and your cheeks started to burn from embarrasment, Kirishima started to laugh "Why dont you come up and sit on my lap Princess Mizuki?" you smiled and she ran towards the island, Kirishima lifted her and gave her to you "Now you are tall just like your daddy!" You poked her cheek and she laughed "Im the princess bow down daddy bow down! You are the knight, you are going to marry me!" all of you started to laugh "Ok then who am i, your fairy?" you asked. "No! Im the princess so you are the queen!" you smiled and Kiri looked at the both of you with loving eyes "Yeah, she is our queen." you blushed, all of you started to play a kingdom game. Then Mizuki got tired and fell asleep, Kiri carried her to his own bed and you waited for him on his couch. He appeared with two cups of coffee in his hands and sat next to you, "Thank you for spending your day off with us, baby." he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you replied "Anything for both of you." He kissed the tip of your nose and sighed. "Im so grateful Y/N, you dont need to support me you know? Mizuki is not tiring you is she?" you took his hand and gave it a squeeze, "I love her, Kirishima." he put his mug on the table in front of you and pulled you to a tight hug "I dont deserve you, angel." you giggled and replied "I know." he laughed. "Mizuki loves you so much, Y/N. First she was confused about us being a family or not but she knows that i love her no matter what." you nodded and started to talk "Kirishima you are her dad and Mina is her mother, i cant change that but i love her with all my heart." Kiri grabbed your chin and planted a kiss on your lips. "I love you so much Y/N."
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You just came home back from work and saw a missed call when you looked at the contact info you saw her name. "Mina" its been so long since both of you had a conversation but you decided to call back. She quickly answered "Oh uh um, hey Y/N." she was nervous and it was obvious. "Do you need something from me?" you asked and she was silent for a moment then started to speak "Listen Y/N, you are always taking care of Mizuki and she always talks about you, im so grateful for that... I just wanted to... Apologise to you. Y/N i had a crush on Kirishima but it was temporary and i lied to myself. I got married with him, we tought that our friendship was something else and its hard to accept it but he always tried to pretend that i was you, he failed. Because you are the one he loves, i cant be you and we had a strong friendship with you Y/N. I made a mistake and i want you back." your mouth was opening and closing like a fish,
you didnt know what to say. You had a beautiful frienship with Mina when you were in U.A so ofc it wounded you when you guys had an argument. "Mina, i forgave Kirishima for his mistakes and i cant ignore you bc it wouldnt be fair to you so... Its okay." you heard sobs and hiccups. "Y-Y/N thank you, everything was so hard and a big mistake! I love you so much and i dont want our friendship to fully end..." The coldness you felt towards her vanished, she realized her mistake and was apologising for it, that was the important thing so you took a deep breath and continued. "Im not cruel Mina, we lost so many years so lets make good memories, okay?" she sniffed and replied enthusiastically "Yes! Lets make good memories and rebuild or friendship!"
then you chatted a little and hung up.
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Now...
Kirishima quickly answered his phone and heard your beautiful voice. "Kirishima you are running late for work!" he could see your face through the phone "Baby, do you have a frown on your face right now?" he asked "Omg are you here?" he started to laugh "No baby, its obvious from the tone of your voice." you sighed and laughed. "Hurry up stupid redhead! We have so much work to do!" he chuckled "Ok baby im coming, dont worry, love you." you replied "Ofc you love me, im the one who has to deal with you everyday so you better love me more!" both of you were laughing like stupid highschool kids. "Im coming, angel." then he hung up and head towards the kitchen, Mizuki was walking back and forth. "Daddy hurry up, lets go!" Kirishima quickly dropped her to Mina's place and drove towards Fatgum's agency. He quickly checked his pocket and grabbed the velvet box. He opened it and eyed the ring one more time "You can do this Eijiro, you better do it!" He quickly gave Bakugou a call and he answered "Im working shitty hair." he sighed and started to talk "I know dude but, im going to propose to Y/N today." Bakugou snorted "Finally. Then what are you waiting for huh? Go." Kirishima smiled to himself "Thanks for everything bro." "Yeah yeah i know, dont keep that dumbass waiting if she gets mad shes going to kick your ass and you are already late arent you?" Kirishima chuckled nervously and Bakugou sighed "Later, Eiji." he hung up and Kiri quickly got out of his car. He saw you in the lobby, you were tapping your foot on the floor impatiently. He laughed at the sight and approached you "Hey baby." you gave a sigh of relief and punched his arm "Come on! We have a mission to go!" The mission went smoothly it wasnt that dangerous, some low level criminals. When you came back to the agency you quickly head towards the showers. The girls in the changing room greeted you and one of them asked "L/N-senpai when are you going to get married with Kirishima-senpai?” Your cheeks flushed and you coughed. "Um... We are gonna get married but i cant give you a specific time." some of them gave 'oohs' and 'awwwws', you quickly took a shower and opened your phone, you got a message from Kirishima.
Sunshine: Hey baby, why dont you come over tonight?
You: Sure! I have some paperwork to do, its not gonna take long.
Sunshine: Ok, im going to leave early today and i will be waiting for you in my place, love you!
You: Got it, love you too. <3
You smiled at your phone then started to head towards your desk, it took 30 minutes to finish the damn work and you quickly sent him a text saying that you were coming then you started to drove, it took 15 minutes to get in front of his apartment, you climbed the stairs and opened the door with the key in your pocket, you had his apartments key bc you can? "Kiri, im home." You looked around but the living room was dark, you started to head towards the kitchen and the lights were off "Kiri?" you called but there was no answer then you felt strong arms wrapping around your waist from behind, you jumped and turned to see Kiri with a smile on his face "Welcome home, baby." your cheeks got red 'Home...' "What were you doing in the dark Kiri?" he laughed and took your hand in his. "Lets go to the balcony shall we?" He dragged you towards the balcony and slided the door open. Then you saw a blanket fort with yellow lights and fluffy pillows in it, you giggled. When you were a student in U.A, you loved making blanket forts with your friends, especially with Kirishima. "Surprise!" he laughed and you started to jump "Awww Kiri, this brings back memories!" he quickly crouched down and layed on the soft sheets it was a high and big blanket fort so it was comfortable. You quickly layed next to him on your stomach and supported yourself with your elbows, you looked at his cute face and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Then he handed you a bowl of popcorn "I chose an action movie from my pc, come on lets watch it!" you nodded and both of you got comfortable in eachothers arms. When the movie ended, Kirishima pulled you onto his chest and started to stroke your cheek, you guys started to chat about random things and stupid stuff that you did in U.A, he slowly got up and you followed his action. "Y/N... I love you so much." he smiled but his aura was different so you started to get nervous, was there a problem? "I love you too, Kiri." you smiled back then he grabbed something from his pocket and you stopped breathing, there was a velvet box in his hand, you quickly looked at his eyes and he was smiling so sincerely. "My angel, will you marry me?" your eyes started to water, you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. "Yes, yes, yes! A million times, yes!" He started to cry and hugged you with full force. Then he put the ring on your finger and looked into your eyes, "I promise you, i will make you the happiest woman in the world my angel." You kissed him and replied "Oh my sunshine... Lets build our future together."
A/N: This was my first one shot! I hope you liked it!<3
#eijirou x reader#bnha eijiro x reader#kirishima eijiro x reader#bnha eijirou#kirishima x reader#kirishima#kirishima x y/n#bnha fic#bnha x reader#bnha fanfiction#bnha fanfics#bakugou katsuki#bnha katsuki x reader#katsuki#dad kirishima#dad kiri x reader#kirishima eijirou#kirishima eijiro#mina ashido#bnha x reader fic#bnha#fic#kiri x reader#reader x kiri#reader x kirishima#katsuki bakugou#bakugou bnha#eijiro bnha#mha eijiro#mha katsuki
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have you seen/would u recommend pacific rim 2? ive heard some things about newt and idk lol
I feel like Im in the minority that actually did think pru was fun but that being said it ended SO abruptly and with like three separate plotlines completely abandoned that I was really frustrated for days after watching it until I had processed everything and had time to think deeply about it lol it just seemed rly unfinished?? it feels like it was deliberately made as 1/2 of two sequels and there needs to be one more to tie everything up. actually I’m gonna ramble abt this bc I have a lot of thoughts (obvs spoilers under the cut)
the thing about the second one was that I genuinely was enjoying it right up until it ended because I swear to god the moment the end screen went up I yelled "what the fuck, that's it?" out loud into my bedroom bc I was so SHOCKED that THAT'S how it all ended, because it just seemed so incomplete?? Like it seemed like one half of a story, that will only be made whole if there's a third one to tie up all the plotlines that they didn't go through with in the second and if that's the case then I will be completely fine with it but if it doesn't or if they dont have a third one at all I will stay so frustrated lol. one silver lining to this is that the vibe of this movie was so different from the first that it almost feels easy to separate it and just imagine it as an AU if you prefer which is sort of nice; usually if a piece of media I like does something bad I feel all gutted and anxious and terrible that this is the canon I have to accept, but something abt this movie just made it feel like it was sort of a totally separate deal. maybe cuz only 3 of the original characters were in it idk
to start off: I felt like there were a couple of plotlines in it that were just sort of introduced and then never seen through which was very ????? Amara & Vik's weird hate-rivalry thing was one of them; Vik instantly has it out for Amara bc she’s jealous, which is a very interesting concept, and then this prompts Amara to become hostile right back at her, which is also a very interesting concept, and then it never got resolved at all? like they couldve done something really cool with those two but it just never went anywhere. and then there was sort of a weird love triangle thing happening between Jake and Nate and Jules that felt so weird bc it had no significance to the plot at all and it felt like it was only thrown in there for the sake of having ~romantic drama~ idk maybe I wasnt paying too much attention and there was more to it than that but it really just seemed like they wanted to put romance in there and didnt want to bother to put any work into it
BUT the thing about romantic sub plots is that THERE ALREADY WAAAAS OOOOOOOOONE which brings me to the biggest frustration I have w this movie because--and DISCLAIMER, this was also my favourite plot point of the movie bc it was by far the most interesting, the biggest reason for me enjoying the movie at all, and the bit I feel like should have had WAY more attention--Newt and Hermann were like legitimately in love in this movie I swear to god I was watching it and thinking “this is GENUINELY the most blatantly gay thing I’ve ever seen in a feature film and I know that straight ppl are very talented at writing gay romances completely by accident so it’s possible that they just accidentally did it this way but also it is REALLY goddamn obvious oh my gooood?” (and then I did a lot of frantic googling and found out that I was right and Charlie Day & Burn Gorman knew what the fuck they were doing and I felt so validated lol), and yet despite this, the movie had them speak for the last time almost at the halfway point of the film and then spend the entire second half apart and not talking at all and even at the post-credits scene where Jake and Newt talked for a bit Hermann wasn't there?? not even behind Jake to give Newt any searching glances?? Nothing??
dude...Newt being possessed by the precursors is a HUGELY interesting concept that actually makes sense and I wish it had had more attention. I’ve seen a lot of ppl say that pru butchered Newt’s character and I don’t 100% agree bc like...being possessed will change you lmao so while yes I’m obviously sad that he wasn’t himself, I feel like it made sense that he had a slight personality change, because it...wasn’t him anymore. we don’t really see the Newt we all fell in love with in the first movie. we THINK we’re seeing him, but halfway through we find out we’re wrong.
my critiques with that plotline are basically that I wish the reveal had happened a little bit later on, and I wish that it had been a little more obvious I guess?? like, we definitely get hints of it (when Hermann excitedly asks Newt to help him with a dangerous unorthodox project and Newt says “dude why are you doing something so risky when we’ve already got a good plan in motion? just wait for that to be done, it’s fine” and Hermann IS us, he IS the audience when he reacts, because this is a completely insane thing for Newt to say. Newt, who, in the first movie, was so obsessed with finding knowledge that he went behind the marshall’s back to literally risk his life doing something incredibly dangerous just to see what would happen? being given the opportunity to do the same kind of dangerous frivolous act and refusing? this is blatantly out of character, and Hermann is all of us when he’s shocked, “what, you mean you...won’t help me??” which means it wasn’t bad writing on their part, it was purposefully supposed to stand out as something that was wrong and something that we needed to pay attention to. that was a really good scene to hint that something was Not Right with Newt), and I wish there had been a bunch more like it. I think the reveal should have been saved for the end of the second act; I think that should have been the moment that act 2 of a story usually has, that dreadful event that happens that leaves the main characters feeling completely hopeless and unsure what to do.
I also wish that he had managed to break through more than That One Scene, I think it would’ve been more dramatic if he’d had a few moments where he managed to take control for a second to remind us that he’s still in there and still fighting, and I’m sad they didn’t do that. I saw a fan comic that touched on this idea and I think it’s brilliant, even the idea of him suddenly getting a nosebleed and acting distracted to show that that’s the Real Him trying to fight through would have been sooooooooo good.
I also feel like it didn’t make any sense for Nate to be the one to subdue him in the end, I dont even think those two interact at all so like, why was it him?? it would have been so much more dramatic and heartbreaking if Hermann had been the one to confront him so they could’ve had a little conversation on the roof where Newt could once again break through for a second before getting taken over and then Hermann could like idk have a taser hidden behind him that he uses to subdue him and THAT wouldve been a way sadder and more interesting way to do it. I also think Hermann shouldve been the one to speak to him in the post credits scene, or to have him in the background behind Jake just watching him sadly so we can get a couple shots of intense eye contact like UGH I just wish there had been more interaction between the two of them after the reveal happened!! When the movie was over and I realized they never spoke again I felt so upset!!! they're soulmates!! they're literally in love!! this has been CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and segueing in from the soulmate thing, another thing that made me sad was that nobody came in pairs anymore :( aside from Newt and Hermann, they were the only ones gjdfk but in the first one every character had another character that they were paired up with, both for drifting reasons and just for plot reasons (except Chau and Tendo but I’m pretty sure there's actually significance to that too), and in the second one it just sort of felt like everyone was drifting with each other with no strong connection needed and that made it feel way less special. granted, the movie takes place ten years after the first one so in that time maybe technology advanced to the point where you didn't need a strong neural connection to drift anymore, but for the sake of the story it would have been way better if they'd kept the whole soulmates concept from the first one, it made it way stronger and more special
so yeah in conclusion I did think pru was enjoyable and I probably would watch it again some time but also it definitely pales in comparison to the first one and I’m desperately hoping we get one more so they can tie everything together and FIX THINGS KFGH it’s not too late!!!!! I wish I could write Pacific Rim 3 I genuinely think I would do a good job I love storytelling and I’m very passionate about these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ramblings#Anonymous#ask#this is really long but please interact I've been dying to talk about this for weeks now
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john entwistle biography review
ok so first: I didnt really like the biography because I thought it would focus on totally different aspects. John was a musical virtuoso and that hardly ever gets mentioned in the book. But we get exact axccounts on how much money he spent on what day and in which pub he bought which champagne. like wow thanks. The other personal stuff is basic who knowledge you can read in any other Who biography. His autobiographical bits were joy and fun! Maybe the only reason to buy the book in my opinion. He writes totally different than the author...
ANYWAYS: here my fav facts from the book that you probably didnt know before
this is the face of a man who -when his father gave him driving lessons for his 21st birthday as a present- decided driving wasnt really his thing and he spent the money on clothes and parties instead. He never had a drivers license ever and also never desired to have one
the hospital he was born in, was bombarded and destructed one day after his birth
as a child he was really weak and thin and had basically every disease that existed
his family was poor af
his father left the family early and held contact with his son, but soon disappeared with a new family
his stepdad, Gordon, disliked John alot and would ignore him, hated everything John did or said and he let his bad moods out on Johns mother, which caused John to be very silent and observative around the house so that there wouldnt be any trouble
he did everything to please Queenie (his mom) so that there was no fighting, according to Alison
loved drawing and playing but usually alone since he had no friends apart from their dog
he heard a trumpet solo once from a trad jazz band when he was 6 or so and decided he wanted to learn the trumpet
my fav line of the book probably: “despite his own expectations, he passed the exams to go to grammar school” like same
at school he was bullied from the older boys but soon left alone by them because he would fight back with badass comments
he applied for the school band for the trumpet but the tallest guy in the year was chosen (he was the 2nd tallest) which made John mad, but he discovered the french horn
soon he found a friend, mickey brown, at last and he gave him the nickname “ent”
he was so terrible in P.E that he was dismissed with other pupils to play somehwere else, they were called “the hockey misfits” and guess who was among them: Pete Townshend.
yeah as you might know they became besties because they loved music and black humour.
he found himself a gf (alison) and Pete & a school gang (like 4 ppl) and his life seemed to finally get where it should.
his worst subjects were geography and german like wow (im a german geography student lmao)
once they played in a pub and johns stepdad was there and was super angry and gave john a list with his fav pubs and told him “these are the places I never want to hear your fucking music playing”.
after walking home pete decided to switch the guitar and john wanted to become a musician more than ever
Roger found him and John kind of convinced him (it took months apparently) to get Pete into the band and then it all started
he judged the beatles because John Lennons harmonica was “out of tune” in love me do, wow ok you nerd
john started smoking with 20 and was the last one to quit his job for the band and he was against drugs at first (bc he had a “civilized” job) but then decided to give a shit, dyed his hair black, bought cigarettes, smoked dope with pete and did speed too
he wanted to step out of himself and feel good about himself and he was always a fashionnerd so he started buying and trading and selling clothes (he once was dismissed from school bc he wore the school uniform incorrectly)
with 18 or so he was still living at home, had a toy soldier collection and a pet budgie
pete and his college friends made fun of john bc he wasnt a student and still lived at home, although john could have gone to college too and he wanted to, but his stepdad again said no and he had no choice.
he was very awkward and introverted but could open up with his music
he was really into pop art (esp pop art clothes)
was a pseudo mod bc he only liked the fancy clothes and motown music
with the who he found a purpose in his life and finally could be different than ordinary ppl
hated when people touched his hair, he literally hated it
would fuss much about his hair in general
once after a concert they were starving and the room service was alreday home so they had to look on used plates and food wagons and John found a shrimp and said: “who wants to dine with me tonight?” (idk that really made me laugh)
keith moon was john entwistles soulmate and they were the cutest, most iconic and funniest duo ever end of discussion
his amps would soon be called little manhatten bc he had so many bc he wanted to be loud
he actually went to sing at church once when he was like 24 and the band made fun of him then he stopped
in the late 60s he bought a house with alison in a normal neighbourhood and went walking the dogs on sundays and stuff
but he was a party animal and always the last to go
he was really sensitive and cried often according to Alison but only in front of certain people
he would totally step out of his way to please people
when they played at the monterey pop festival they didnt bring their own amps along and john was furious bc he said the american amps are shit and kit was like “no” and john didnt talk to him for the whole festival until their perfomance was over and they had sounded like shit to tell kit “I TOLD YOU SO” thats how extra he was
when he got money he would spend it bc he was so used to being poor that he thought it wouldnt last long and he had to enjoy it NOW
he was always calm and everyone respected him and kit told a story where he entered the room and roger was at keiths throat and and pete was screaming something and john was sitting in the corner cleaning his nails. thats who energy
liked to dance at parties
his fav drink was rémy cognac with 40% and he would drink like 1 bottle alone everyday in his later years...wow dude
he was also gentlemanTM and once paid taxis for girls from london to brighton after a party
once at a wedding the free drinks were out and John just gave the barkeeper his creditcard and said he will pay for all the drinks of the night for everyone (it wasnt his wedding)
Roger once said: “John made smartass comments that deserved a punch in the face” sounds like him yes
he didnt really care about money and always wanted to pay and never told anyone how much things had cost and brought gifts for everyone
soon that ended in a shopping addiction tho and he bought ridiculous things for ridiculous amounts of money
when the who was inactive he sank into depression :(
held the band together during who by numbers & who are you
wrote and played all the quadrophenia horn parts himself
never lost his passion for art and always drawed alot, said Alison
cried when Christopher was born aww
once he saw their manager in an art museum and how he wanted to buy a painting but couldnt afford it, so John bought it secretly and shipped it to said managers home as a gift
We all know John was a huge collector. His most treasured collection was .. wait for it: teapots.
he tried to save Keith from being arrested once and ended up being arrested too lol
wanted to write a scifi concept album but desorted the idea and gave some songs to the who (905) or Pete
was a good cook apparently
When he gave a hug HE was the one who decided when to let go sdfghjk
hated confrontation and would hire other people to tell someone bad news
he spent so much money on dumb shit like wtf
but didnt really care either
probably the master in picking up and seducing girls
he let his stepdad live in the quarwood mansion when he wasnt there but Gordon was still an asshole wtf
the contact to his real dad was really sporadic
when the who ended, it hit him really hard and he didnt know what to do besides partying and buying stuff/hording stuff
was very insecure and selfconscious in the 80s according to Maxene :(
he actually took pete breaking up the who really personal and was sad 24/7
was that kind of guy that said bad stuff about the who but when you said bad stuff he would try to kill you on spot
with cocaine he felt really confident and still like the 60s/70s rockstar he once was but he didnt understand that these times were over and he needed to move on
sometimes went into random pubs with friends and made jam sessions for the guests
he still was generous and loving until he died and tried to play with other bands but it was not the same
he really liked Kenney and hung out with him more than with his wife at some point lmao
was a total giver and people who worked at quarwood would steal money from him but when someone pointed that out he got angry with that person for even suggesting that
was a real softieee (and a huge nerd)
all his friends said that he was shy at first but once you got to know him he would come totally out of himself, was very funny, loved to tell stories, was very very loyal and would try evertyhing to make you laugh aww
all in all a glorious story with a sad ending and he did destroy himself completely, but lets remember that Pete Townshend described old John still as "wonderful, mature and elegant” so lets cling on to that :)
#the who#John Entwistle#band#literature#the ox#mine#pete and rog didnt participate in the bio maybe thats why its hit#*shit#not hit#also you can see: no info about his musical inspiration or werdegang#can not recommend#althought this post might look fun these are the filtered cool stories from like 330 pages#classic rock
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Ok, secrets in return.. 6, 10, 15, 17...
ooh a lil secret exchange...... like little kids at a slumber party..... love this energy
6) how is your life different now from two years ago
hmm.... july 2018.... tbh not a whole lot has changed since, then, graduate school has a funny way of being all the same all the time. but i can think of a few...
school/job-wise, i became a doctoral candidate in june 2018 which was just over 2 years ago and that was cool, and my research was finally published in december 2019 which kicked ass. actually the project that was published wasnt even finished until october 2018 so i guess that too. my mentor and i have developed a really great mentor/mentee relationship that i attribute a good amount of personal growth to, bc for like the first time in my life i have someone actively helping me quash a lot of self doubt.
personal life-wise, hmm... in october 2018 i had the plate in my knee removed bc it was severely impeding my recovery and making it hard to walk. i figured out how to sit down on the floor and get up from the floor and go up and down stairs one at a time with a railing, then without a railing, learned how to crouch about halfway to normal, built up my stamina to stay standing for about an hour with minimal discomfort whereas before i suffered if i stood for 10 minutes. the girl that almost killed me was finally arrested and convicted and put in jail which doesn’t fix or reverse anything but still felt like some kind of justice.
and then personality wise i am just a little less afraid of getting things wrong. still terrified and still impacts my life, but i am able to give things a shot instead of dismissing them outright. led to me finding out i’m pretty good at some stuff i otherwise never would have tried. i’m also a little less afraid of asking for help or setting boundaries. therapy has that effect i guess.
i’m also way more long-winded than before, i feel like, as presented here. oops. i also feel like i’m much more forgetful and scatterbrained than before. not sure if it’s from stress, or a natural progression of taking on more obligations and learning how to balance them, or a long term side effect of having who knows what pumped into me for a month straight three years ago. maybe all three?
10) do you believe in ghosts
nah. i don’t really have a wordy explanation as to why i don’t so you get a break from the wall of text from the previous question.
15) what is your favorite memory
questions like this are hard bc i have a pretty bad memory and favorite memories only come to me when i encounter something that reminds me of it? it’s really hard to call upon specific memories. but i’ll at least try to think of a nice one from recent memory, i’m sure it’ll be far from my favorite but that’s okay.
hmm... oh actually my most recent birthday (abt 2.5 weeks ago) was really really nice? nothing super special happened; i got up, i went to work, i went home and bought myself an ice cream cake and video called my family. but throughout the day i had more people wishing me happy birthday than i ever had in my life. i’m a fairly active member of the rq official discord and i had no fewer than 2 dozen people immediately send happy birthday messages if they caught the implication from someone else (maybe more, that server is huge and it’s hard to keep track). and i’m in another, smaller server (you may be familiar uwu) where i’ve pretty fairly recently gotten to know a new group of people that seemed to pretty quickly welcome me into their friend group and i got some really nice birthday sentiments there too. and then at work i didn’t even really tell anyone it was my birthday, but i’m friends with one of my lab mates on facebook and he must have had birthday notifications on because he came by and wished me a happy birthday
obvs the last few months have been really isolating for just about everyone, but tbh it’s been especially hard for me bc i don’t really have many friends to begin with and definitely like no friends in my home town so my minimal social contact of like just small talk at the store and only having real conversations with coworkers being taken away has had me fairly down? but apparently over the past few months i have slowly been submitting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known, even just a little bit, and reaping the rewards of being loved in return, no matter how small, felt really nice and made it a really special day uwuwuwuwu
17) what ‘small things’ things terrify you
i know i have some intangible existential fears that would definitely seem trivial to some people but see above point about having a really hard time calling upon specific memories, and also i’m in a good mood so i’m not gonna try too hard. but off the top of my head two silly weird fears i have are 1) heights and 2) having people around me start singing.
1) i know heights are a very common fear/phobia but you don’t understand. i’m talking “i will literally freeze in place if i try to step onto this 4-inch stepstool, like seriously my conscious mind will not be able to lift my second foot onto the step, like it’s bolted to the ground” PETRIFIED of heights. i cannot stand on anything my brain perceives as not-solid-ground. this means i’m actually okay in airplanes and things like the st louis arch. i actually love that shit, i’ll look down at the ground and enjoy the view all day. but the second i have a single doubt about my ability to stay upright, fuck the fight/flight/freeze response. we are on 24/7 freeze/freeze/freeze response LOCKDOWN.
2) i’m talking flash mobs, i’m talking karaoke night, i’m talking people singing happy birthday to me. the idea of it puts me in “find an escape” mode, and being in it gives me the worst second-hand embarrassment ever, even if it’s all in good fun and there’s no reason for anyone involved to be embarrassed. this extends even to movie musical numbers (i actually skipped the scene in the tavern in disney’s tangled bc it gave me weird anxiety) and shit like hearing someone i know from another medium begin to sing (this is why it took me so long to check out the mechs and also why i cannot listen to recordings of friends singing as much as it would mean a lot to them for me to do so). idk if there’s a name for this phenomenon or if i’m the only person on the planet with this weird almost-or-maybe-complete phobia.
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can ….. i come in ????? have been watching unbreakable kimmy schmidt for 3 hours pretending time isnt passing , life isnt real and in fact.. i am dreaming (-: lajdfksl hey <3 im jay im 21 and i love those instagram profiles of hamsters in little clothes ( when they got little purses? ???? dont talk to me im cryin. ) below u will find info about jane harris aka literally the vine of the little kid scribbling hard like his life depended on it. shes a mess ?? but a semi enjoyable mess. a mess with good intentions. if u want to establish some connections, LIKE THIS and i will come annoy u <3 alternatively u can ease my social anxiety and msg me here or through my discord sencha tea#4035 (و ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و♡
( lily collins, cis female, she/her. ) — jane harris has been a medina complex resident for three years, now. they’re twenty-three years old, and they tend to avoid making eye contact. sometimes when i walk by B06, i hear cherry-coloured funk by cocteau twins playing. lately, i’d say they’re pretty effervescent, but sometimes that’s overwhelmed by the fact that they’re neurotic. i mean, they usually pay their rent on time, though, and that’s most important fact here.
repeatedly fixing the apartment number on the door when it swings down to a nine, a split moment of shadow after the radiance of laughter, carl sagan’s pale blue dot, a life of frequent minor accidents, constant hunger for balance overshadowed by emotional turbulence.
🇧🇦🇨🇰🇬🇷🇴🇺🇳🇩
TW ALCOHOLISM EMOTIONAL ABUSE DEPRESSION & ANXIETY !!!!! ok moving on
her parents met in art school in paris.. her mom is french and studied art history while her dad was an exchange student from california with a skewed artist mentality. it was that saccharine, toxic sort of love. her mom always felt like she needed to be the guardian angel in the relationship who would always hold him up when he was feeling down and he was feeling down….. a lot. because she was putting all that energy to save her relationship, she was drowning too but never enough to walk away. there was a lot of love there but it was twisted and uncomfortable at times
when they found out jane was on the way, it felt like they needed to suddenly grow up. her mom was ready to make changes, adapt to the new lifestyle. her dad, on the other hand, urged they rethink if this is what they want but he didn’t push for abortion.. he understood it was jane’s mothers choice to make and reassured that he would be there for the both of them no. matter. what.
but ??? the reality was he felt trapped by the idea of a child and he struggled to acknowledge and accept how quickly his life was flipping upside down and how he lost all control of it. he wanted to travel around europe ???? soak in nature, daydream and make art . but jane’s mom wanted to settle. instead of embarking on adventures after graduating, they decided to move to california.
things just seemed to fall apart like domino from then on. janes mom was lead astray.. thinking that what california would bring them was stability but instead, it was all chaos. they rushed to get married .. turned out janes father wasnt on good terms with his parents. he was irresponsible financially, put both his parents in huge debt, was blinded by his ego to ever realise his mistakes. lied constantly .. convincing janes mom that there’s light going forward. that once he finds a sponsor for his art .... once he sells his first piece ... once they see in him what he always saw in himself , he was going to make it right. and he reassured he would make it right for jane.
janes mom was so pathetically in love that she pushed through .. living in a sort of imagined world, believing that things were better than they actually were. and her dad was good at persuading that narrative. he would come home with a pocketful of cash and the bills paid. oftentimes, it was all an act. his art wasn’t selling and a lot of what he bragged about was borrowed or stolen. behind the curtain, he was absent and unmotivated. he would come home in the evening claiming that the whisky breath was celebratory but in reality, he was complaining to the barman two blocks away about how his life feels monotone .. like a french black and white movie.
the day of jane’s birth was a whole mess. her father decided to drive her mother to the hospital, knowing he had one too many. they were caught for speeding and while janes dad spent the night at a nearby station for driving under influence, her mom was at the back of a cop car, crying for one too many reasons .. jane decided to hang on for a little while longer and was born at 3am the following night. cradled in her mothers arms and her dads voice humming on the line
jane would only ever hear the romanticised version of this story from her mother. this ??? fucked up sense of security that no matter what, love conquers all. that love means supporting each other, loving each other extra when everything else falls apart. but truth is.. her mother was forced to give up her own dreams, lost all connections to her past, worked days and nights at a nursing home to support her family and pitch in to her husbands alcoholism while she’s at it. making excuses that jane was too young to contradict. all while the only source of happiness for her father was the haziness of his evenings, when he felt like floating and he could barely hold onto to his paintbrush. he was a stranger living in their basement .. more than he was ever a father
growing up, jane watched her mother mask her depression. carry empty bottles out from the basement, trying to hide it from jane .. it brought her shame. she was doing the same thing to jane that he was doing to her for all these years .. consistently expressing a certain attitude, this unwavering satisfaction for the life they are living and so ... it hardens. you start to believe it. except unlike her mother, jane was observant.. she had other lives around her to compare to her own, voices of reason that pierced through the skewed perception her mother drilled into her skull. when jane grew into her skin, she felt so ... disgusted and angry. she tried to pull her mother out of her fantasy but nothing worked.
through her high school years, she felt helpless .. her home life was a nightmare and she made every possible attempt to stay out of it for as long as possible. she took on jobs and extracurriculars .. stayed at her friends’ house until she couldn’t. and she would think.. think so hard, she would start crying. pushing her own problems away .. in her head, she would imagine herself in a different skin, a different place. it was the only way she could calm her breathing. only to have to battle the same thoughts the following morning
after graduating high school, jane went to community college for product management got a job offering after her placement at a big company and moved out shortly after ( and MOVED IN to medina... can i get a yee yee ) .. she got insurance for the first time in her life and eats too many of free pizza slices at work to save up on groceries every week <3
she doesn’t visit her parents bc she no longer feels like her mother is on her team. she’s lived a maddening and terribly draining life and living alone has brought her deserving peace.. although she’d rather keep contact with her mother to a minimum, its obvious that jane is her mothers anchor. if she feels as though her daughter is not fighting for her, she breaks down.. as much as jane wants to run away from her past, it always seems to catch up
if ur still reading literally who are u lafjdkl. ill be done schoon ..... oof
🇨🇭🇦🇷🇦🇨🇹🇪🇷 🇹🇷🇦🇮🇹🇸
if they are friends ... jane. will. talk. ur. ear. off. but probably not for the right reasons lol .. she has never been assessed by a professional, isn’t taking any treatment but she definitely needs it :( shes a chronic overthinker.. the voice in her head keeps chattering away most of the time which gets a little nauseating. she hates silence and feels like she needs to fill it with words. she often says the wrong things .. to the wrong people ... at the WRONG time and she is very aware of it. its the culprit for her self doubt and struggle to open up emotionally to the people shes close to. shes very critical towards herself, she micro analyses everything from the way she acts, the way she looks and what she says. shes also not a fan of confrontation !!!!!!!BUT!!!!!!!!!!!
she is a FIREBALL when she stands up for others. i dont know how she hasnt gotten into a physical fight yet. she would literally rip ur side mirror off ur car if u didnt wait for an old lady to cross the street. is intense in every possible way. if shes angry, shes angry and impulsive and out of control, when she is in love, she feels it in her bones and simultaneously wants to rip her hair out, when she’s passionate about something, she is persistent until she isn’t and when she loses motivation, everything feels bleak .. theres never any emotional balance, even though she fights so hard for it every day
likes sci fi movies .. literally when they are Floating in space ???? SIGN! JANE! THE! FUCK! UP! letterboxd is probably her favorite app. sometimes she will post a review, read it over and over, find something wrong with what she said and then delete it. shes very neurotic. she either has good days where she can comfortably be herself or bad days, when it feels like everyone is judging her every move when in reality. ... it is always .. all in her head.
and she is mostly in her head. she creates fantasies of her life, relationships platonic and romantic and as a result, nothing ever seems to measure up. she feels secure in her fantasies but oftentimes when it hits her that they are just that, fantasies, she ... feels really alone.
will trip over her own feet . has like 5 bruises from washing the dishes </3
she works as a part of a product design team in a big company.. probably has the knowledge to move up the tier but does not have the courage to stand up for herself . she doesnt believe in herself and is kind of a pessimist .......
got high one night and decided she wants to start an uber ....... only for women. but doesnt think its a good ide a (its a good idea. id like to think in 10 years time ... bitch made it)
really weird. likes eating broad beans and frozen strawberries .. will literally eat a lemon.
she will have different interests every week but never seems to be any good at anything ???????????? makes her sad.
claims tidying up with marie kondo changed her life LAKJDSKLDJ
*draws curtains* anybody else tired?
#mediocre.intro#»-.-°-ỽ-⸰-ｓｈｕｔ-ｕｒ-ｔｒａｐ-⸰-ỽ-°-.-«#4 hrs ago : yea ...... i could finish this intro in like 2 hours :) why not. whats gonna stop me ???? writing doesnt take that long.#it takes literally ?? 2 miliseconds. lol .......#im shtupid !!!!! have to take a shower. this is longer than all shakespeare plays combined.#if u read this im manifasting a good year for u.
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dont message me about this please. I just need somewhere to dump it
I had a falling out with my best friend at the end of july and he completely cut off contact with me. i trusted him more than anybody in the world and there are no words to describe how much his friendship meant to me. the way this happened destroyed my sense of self-worth and I isolated myself from people and tried to fill that empty void with drinking and shitty eating habits (namely starving myself followed by binge eating). fell into a pretty bad depression and was constantly lethargic and unproductive. hated going out in public because I hated myself and didnt want to be seen.
suffered a death in the family at the end of august. this isnt something I cope with in a healthy way. especially during that period of time
started talking with my friend again in september but that didnt go very well either. still felt shitty about this every day, just having this constant nervousness and wanting to throw up and feeling like im carrying a huge weight on my shoulders, every day 24 hours a day. i had dreams about our situation all the time and it fucked me up. cant remember the last time I got a good nights sleep. developed a lot of trust issues from revelations that came out in the few discussions we had. we havent spoken in almost 2 months now. still really miss him but also still hurting over the things he said and did
2 weeks later, boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me when I got back from dreamhack. it wasnt really a surprise and there's no bad blood but was still a really hard adjustment. we had lived together since before we started dating.
we were splitting rent on a 1 bed apartment so now I have to pay for it myself. i dont really have the means to move. this fucked me over financially bc I was in the process of paying about 8000 dollars worth of debt accrued from when I was unemployed in 2014. so that's why none of you have really seen me since then, im saving money instead of going out to do things. this is also around when I decided to cut the drinking to prevent it from getting out of hand and decided to fix my eating habits, both of which are saving me money
met someone new in november who I got close to pretty quickly. he knew I was hurting from something, a lot of things, and helped me recover and was somehow over time able to convince me i didnt deserve any of what was going on. i started to believe it too. we spent a lot of time together and became very good friends.
around the same time i saw another friend have a falling out with his best friend and the way it got him down made me really angry. he didnt deserve to feel that poorly. this helped me realize that neither did i.
start of december, i fell mutually in love with the new friend. although it was just the beginning of the relationship, it was unprecedented in how genuinely loved I felt. we were supportive of each other in ways I didnt even know I could be. never enjoyed someone's company so much before or felt so totally safe telling them literally anything, and after I was having so much trouble and anxiety over opening up to anybody like that again, this was really really special that he could make me feel that way. especially considering the vulnerable state I was in, I tried to be cautious about getting this attached so quickly, but I decided to trust him. you kinda had to be there to understand just why I let myself feel this way despite it looking like a textbook mistake and me being well aware of that fact. he was thoughtful and respectful and considerate and was the most loving person i've ever known. we live a long distance apart and decided we'd take things slowly until we had the chance to spend some time together in person and discuss what our future looks like at that time. we spent a lot of time together calling each other around the holidays and never let a day (or an hour, really) go by without making the other feel loved and appreciated and worthwhile. for a christmas gift he contacted a lot of my friends and compiled a series of video and audio clips from all of them sending me kind words at the holidays to remind me that i'm loved. he really was a wonderful person.
being able to really believe that I didnt deserve to feel as badly as I had been since the summer, combined with falling in love again... I was finally something resembling happy again, I got my confidence back, I was energetic and productive and in an improved state of mind... not completely, things still hurt and I think they always will. but I was at least functioning. the wounds were still there and they were still fresh but I was at least starting to heal.
had to replace my pc because too much of my hardware was just not working anymore. that was a big financial setback I wasnt prepared for. my laptop mobo also broke so now I dont have one of those anymore. oh well. once im done paying off the last part of my debt im going to save up for a new one
start of january, one of my closest friends goes radio silent and unresponsive to texts and calls for over a week. i was a fucking mess worrying about him. (we hung out a few days ago but at the time holy shit)
my coworker at my job (the only other dev on my team) is leaving, so I have to learn a ton of new stuff and also train who we hire next, and im pretty stressed out about that on top of the status of my current major project
i didnt go to agdq this year, but that entire week was rough. wanted to stay off social media and stuff to not be reminded of it but this is where all my connections are and I need to work on shit. I spent a lot of last agdq making good memories with the friend i had the falling out with and thinking back to that just makes me really sad now.
was finally starting to enjoy streaming again and I injured my hand recently and cant use it to use a dpad or joystick, so now im not doing that either. it got infected pretty badly and ive been worried about that for a while, but it's healing up now. hopefully ill return soon. also having numerous other alarming things happen healthwise that are too TMI for here but... yeah
last week the guy i loved dumped me. not going to go into detail on this but i feel very very slighted by how he chose to do it. it had only been a month but im pretty messed up and blindsided by it. despite the short length I can't remember the last time I had any kind of interpersonal relationship that was so emotionally fulfilling. i still don't really understand. being around him hurt so much that I left my favourite discord server where a lot of my close friends are cause he's in there too. i miss being in there so much but i just cant do it
on saturday I got the news that one of my friends from the smash 64 community passed away unexpectedly. i went to the visitation on sunday. it still doesn't feel real.
i dont want to talk about it, I dont want any offers to talk about it, I dont want to relive it, I dont want to think about it, and especially especially I d o n t w a n t t o t a l k a b o u t i t. just getting it out there bc I feel kinda overwhelmed atm from everything. i just wanna focus on doing the things I need to get done to keep my mind occupied. i want my best friend back, i want the person I love back, i want my friend to come back to life. there's nothing else that can be done for me
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homecoming feelings inc (spoilers: most of them will look something like i love tony stark i LOVE tony stark i loVE TONY STARK I LOVE ad nauseum)
peters video recording of civil war what an absolute babe
“thats not a hug im reaching for the door” (yeah right tony we all know you crave human contact)
why does peter know spanish?
peter taking time to pet the cat *_*
peter desperately looking for ways to help and giving that lady directions,,,, my son
“why did i mention the churro”
peter saving the cat and handing it back to the shop owner LIKE OH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE HIM
michelle doing situps with her book
no one will convince me flash doesnt have a massive gay crush on peter parker yall, i mean cmon?? HE MAKES EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM CLASSIC CRUSH SIGNS,,, hes legitimately obsessed with him, like i’m not kidding i can’t remember the specifics but several times i was like ok this is just kinda coded like hes into peter actually?
“you’re here too” “am i?” truly the best scene in the film michelle is a gift and zendaya is our glorious goddess who has bestowed this wonder on us
god the van scene, i immediately loved donald glover but that could be bc hes cute. but the thing is, this movie did such a Job of making peter immature. like i was continuously frustrated with him bc he was so markedly different and less mature than any of the other heroes. he screwed up again and again and again and the kidness of him was so well done. like it infuriated me half the time. but damn it was well done
TONY INSTALLED A HEATER IN PETERS SUIT
TONY WAS PAYING SO MUCH ATTENTION TO PETER THAT HE NOTICED WHEN THINGS WENT POORLY
TONY LISTENED TO THE PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF REPORTS PETER SENT AND REMEMBERS THE FUCKING CHURRO
tony wants to talk to peter about his college plans
tony stark is the best dad ever, and really in general he is the best person ever and no one will ever tell me that there is a person with a better heart in the MCU BECAUSE THERE IS FUCKING NOT
TONY STARK IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF US WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM
poor ned :( “that hats not working” i was really mad at peter for the way he kept ditching all hsi real life friends
kinda glad vulture killed that guy what a disrespectful douche
“i thought that was the anti gravity gun” “wHAT NO” hmMmMmMm I LOVE
also he treats his other ppl with a lot of respect and later the ppl still think they can leave and like, thats cool
michelle noticing what peters quit already
i have a hot date with black widow later
that is false
another long one: i didnt super buy peters crush on liz. it felt really faked because he never really made choices for her, and i get that he was more into spiderman but i never felt the significance of the crush... i think that was played over a little bit too much
also i dont think ive been this impressed with a villain in the marvel franchise since loki. vulture was so compellingly realistic. i know they tried that shit with whats his face from civil war but he was so irrelevant i didnt care. vulture was relevant, scary, but also emotionally compelling
fucking taser web
you jumped off the sign and landed on your face
i love karen
i read a post about tony coding an AI thats emotionally encouraging and invested in peters life bc tony is invested in peters life and like iw ant to die
i just dont want to celebrate something built by slaves
THE GUARDS LIKE PREACH
michelle is a gift
“kiss her peter”
“thank you”
donald glover I HAVE A NEPHEW YEEEEEEEEEE BOY GIVE ME MILES I DESERVE IT
the whole interrogation scene was golden,,,, “NEVER DO THAT AGAIN KAREN”
you’re a criminal!!! you deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!! bye!! criminal!! i love peter so much
TONY STARK CALLING TO TELL PETER WHAT A GOOD JOB HE DID IN DC TONY STARK BEING A SUPPORTIVE, GOOD PARENT AND WANTING TO MAKE SURE PETER KNOWS HE IS PAYING ATTENTION
peter just keeps causing disaster after disaster
that whole ferry scene had me cringing
but he tried so hard to help everyone!!
tonys anger after it was totally warranted. i dont blame him for taknig the suit.
MY FAVORITE LINE: if you really cared you’d be here AND TONY MOTHERFUCKING STEPS OUT OF THE SUIT
and god rdj brings the fuCKING PAIN you can see how panicked he is how muc hhe doesnt want to hurt peter but how SCARED he is bc peter isnt listening to him and god!!! what if something happened to peter!! you can hear the self loathing and the pain that hes carrying from all the other movies all he wants to do is make sure nothing happens to peter or anyone else
tony listened to peter to try and stop the vulture, tony takes him seriously!!!!!!!!!!! tony is such a good dad and such a good person and HOLY SHIT!! TONY STARK!!!!!!!!!
hes hurting so much in that scene he doesnt wanna be like howard HE DROPPED EVERYTHING TO GO HELP PETER IM UNDONE
also look how well peter got back on track after he lost the suit
still ??? at the liz scene tho?? i just didnt feel that relationship much at all, there wasnt anything there
PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST
MMMM THATS SOME GOOOOOOD SHIT
and once again vulture is incredibly compelling bc that brings a whole new context to why his face changed re: dc and why he didnt try to kill peter on the ferry
michelle doing the casual flip-off, god i love her so much??
holy shit peter in the wreckage, tom holland go off that acting tore my heart in half AND THEN HE REMEMEBRED TONY WORDS
CMON SPIDERMAN I AM SOBBING
FLASH ASKING DO YOU REALLY KNOW PETER PARKER HES IN LOVE
vultures desperation in this final scene is,,,wow, you fucking feel it, it makes sense. hes such a compelling villain.
peter saving vulture what a fucking babe
liz really is a sweet girl i wish i’d believed the crush more bc she deserves all the love
my friends call me mj YISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS gimme that michelle/peter RN
michelle acting like she doesnt care and then THAT LOOK THAT LOOOOK OMG ZENDAYA KILLED ME HOW DID SHE CONVEY SO MUCH ACTUAL LOVE AND COMPASSION AND CRUSH 101 IN A 2 SECOND CLIP YALL
happy in the bathroom. goodbye to me.
can we talk about tony? being so ecstatic that peter did all this? tony saying thatw as the tough love moment you needed and being so convinced that it wasnt and so convinced by his own acting that he could never actulally ahve inspired anything like that so hes just going to blaze ahead and not even acknowledge that yes!! it was actually!!!!!!!! he was a great father figurei n that moment and in this whole movie
but he doesn’t believe that so he’s just going to keep being sarcastic to cover up for the fact that he doesnt think any of this had almost anything to do with him and everthing to do with peter
bc he has no concept of his own self-worth and yet to contrast that he directly inflates it and is so used to ppl disregarding it and accusing him of having an ego that even in this moment when he does something really amazing he makes it about his fake-ass ego and doesn’t let anyone actually give him credit for anything bc he is too busy giving himself fake-credit that he uses as an excuse in every other scene to call himself a piece of shit,,, that other ppl use to call him that bc ppl cant see through it bc he doesnt actually WANT anyone looking too closely, and yet, in this scene, he seems to be using it to exempt peter from actually acknowledging what he did was good bc hahaha im a self-congratulatory egomaniac
anyway hahahaha i love tony stark
also he is sad, he wants peter to stay with him, but he lets it go bc he recognizes it was the mature choice (and probably not the one he’d ahve made)
hes so proud of peter i want to die
PEPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE RING!!
they’re both so confused about happy and the ring i love it
PEPPER!!!!!!!!! THEY’RE BACK!!!!!!!!! THANK FUCKING JESUS BC IF SOMEONE DIDNT LOVE TONY STARK IN THIS DARK TIME THEN IW OULD HAVE FOUND A WAY TO BREAK INTO THIS FICTIONAL REALM AND DO IT MYSELF
that little kiss was everything she lvoes him i love them
ugh
this movie was gr8 a++++
i love my son tony stark and his son peter parker and his future wife michelle
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okay for the hcs thing: the dragonets of destiny, ruby and nan, all of the ib squad, and uhhhthe pmmm cast if u want?? :3c
NICE ty babe!!!!!!!!
send me a character and i’ll answer!
(note: im kin w glory, mary, madoka, sayaka, and mami so this might be a lot of kin-based shIT SDFHSDKLF)
CLAY
A: what I think realistically
he is Boft (buff and soft) and also Lorg and if u are his friend and cold just tell him and he will drape his fuckin wing around u and curl up with you. he has at least 3 dragons cuddling with him when he sleeps
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
hes super bad at predicting jokes so he’ll fuckin CRACK UP at the worst fuckin joke u tell. he’ll also eat ANYTHING on a dare. even dirt or a handful of pebbles, thanks GLORY
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
hes actually got mental health shit goin on (depression/anxiety/prob ptsd/prob a pd) but he thinks he Has to be strong for the other dragonets bc theyre all fucked right up and he needs to be the strong support so he feels like he really Cant let himself break down at all, and it causes a Lot of pent-up sadness/anxiety/etc which he has No way of getting out
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
clay is aro/ace and in a qpp with all the dragonets. let him be not het?
TSUNAMI
A: what I think realistically
tsunami is fuckening BUFF as HELL. like. she can kick ur ass ur friends ass ur moms ass her OWN ass she doesnt care shes SUPER buff she will kick everyone in the THROAT she is FIERCE and PROTECTIVE and STRONG
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
when darkstalker first busted out of the mountain (like a nut) she straight-up decked him in the snout. just fucken. P U N C H
it hurt her claws and she almost cried but tried to play it off as “im crying out of my own coolness”
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
shes always felt like glory hates her bc of how snarky and rude they are and like?? they logically know they dont but like. what if and she cant just ask them bc thatd be rude and glory would probably make a joke out of it, so shes stuck believing one of her supposed best friends secretly hates her and she doesnt know how to deal
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
SHES BI AS HELL let tsunami be bi and trans and have a gf…….
GLORY
A: what I think realistically
theyre used to not eating a lot and kinda always being hungry bc yknow no sunlight in the caves but they assumed it was like? normal? and being in the sun was like……. holy shit im finally Full…….. and they dont actually eat a lot but when they do its usually fruits bc they dont actually like meat all that much
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
they can do spot-on impressions of SO many dragons, including but not limited to: the guardians, the other dragonets, fatespeaker, queen coral, riptide, morrowseer, and probably more and they love being able to say “im a pretty princess” while sounding almost exactly like kestrel
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
theyre rlly rlly good at hiding bc they HAD to be when the guardians got Pissed, so now when anyone is Vaguely mad at them they manage to find a way to hide and its near-impossible to find them, which has pppprob scared the other dragonets mny times
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
glory is genderfluid and gay and whom the Fuck is deathbringer?
STARFLIGHT
A: what I think realistically
he has some p bad anxiety so his Counting/Observing Things thing is a comfort mechanism of sorts that hes always really done. in the caves all he had to observe was rocks, torches, and scrolls but once he got Out he had so much that it was overwhelming. hes rlly good at describing things in writing due to this
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
hes always been SUPER clumsy so now that hes blind hes kind of just. tripping on everything. he fell off the side of a cave once at the academy and screamed and waited for death until he remembered that he is a dragon who can fly
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
abt the observing thing: now that hes blind, he cant do that, and it was his main comfort mechanism. so now during anxiety attacks, he has a rlly hard time calming down bc he cant just start observing whats around him, it doesnt WORK like that
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
HES ARO AND GAY AND IN A QPP WITH FATESPEAKER AND ALSO THE DRAGONETS FUCK YOU
SUNNY
A: what I think realistically
she has adhd!!! she has adhd-ph so shes always fidgeting/bouncing around/flying to try and get her energy out. clay, tsunami, and glory also have adhd and try to help her out whenever they can!! she loves to bake, but it takes a LOT of waiting, so its kinda hard on her
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
she can be REALLY FUCKING LOUD when she wants to be, which NOBODY expects. normally she uses it for singing, or to startle people. she likes to be Loud while imitating kestrel, marching around and looking all Serious
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
shes always felt Really ignored and, esp for someone who pprob has dpd traits, its rlly heartbreaking bc like. she doesnt feel wanted and she doesnt feel like she gets any attention and shes just!!!!!!! aaaagh
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
shes aroace and in a qpp w fatespeaker heck you
RUBY
A: what I think realistically
she was prob legally blind but not Fully blind before the glen, but she was admitted bc her sight was getting progressively worse and she couldnt continue to be an electrician, her job
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
“hey tom remember that time i fucken stabbed u” “lol remember that time u pushed stitches off a balcony, killing him instantly”
“tom if u dont shut up this second about furries i will stab u again” “…….nya” “im gettin my fucken knife tom”
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
she lives w a lot of guilt over killing tom and regularly has nightmares abt it, and even tho he assures her everything is fine she still regrets it so much but doesnt know how to make it Right in her mind
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
SHES BI AND AGENDER AND HER TOM AND JAY ARE POLY
NAN
A: what I think realistically
shes always been Super chubby, and she generates a llot of heat both bc Fur and bc Chub, so when her friends get Cold all u have to do is snuggle up next to her and ur instantly rlly warm now
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
kim teaches her how to dab and calls it a symbol of respect, and so whenever nan meets someone she rlly respects she just dabs as kim cracks up
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
she keeps a journal bc her memory is Shit but shes still constantly worried that shes writing it wrong, esp bc shes usually dissociating enough that she cant remember what happened, and sometimes its bad enough to warrent a breakdown/panic attack
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
look shes aro/pan/genderfluid i dont make the rules. also shes autistic
IB
A: what I think realistically
they know a little bit of asl bc theyre mute, and they carry around a notebook to write in when they cant sign. bc of this, they have rlly good handwriting and are also p good at miming stuff when they need to
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
they accidentally learned how to swear in asl, so whenever garry sees them doing so and doesnt know what it means (and then asks) he almost starts crying when they calmly show him the word “fuck” written in their notebook
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
they have rlly bad nightmares and is ppprob misdiagnosed due to ppl thinking the gallery Wasnt Real, doesnt get proper help, and lives w guilt over what happened and has NO clue how to cope
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
look. theyre nb and pan. im not saying this is a hc im saying this is canon. theyre not cishet
GARRY
A: what I think realistically
hes pprob around?? late 20s-early 30s, so its kiiiinda awkward maintaining contact w ib at first, but then he becomes a Family Friend and babysits so its all chill
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
hes PETRIFIED of spiders and the one time he tried to be brave and take one outside for ib he screamed, dropped it, and nearly cried.
ib is capable of disposing of spiders in the way garry prefers (domnt kill them) and does so calmly as garry sits on the counter and screams
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
he feels rlly guilty after the gallery and has NO idea how to cope, so he ends up drinking a bbbbit too much and hes also not rlly able to help ib, which makes him MORE guilty, and its kinda just a spiral of depression
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
hes trans and also adopts ib and mary and theyre a happy family
MARY
A: what I think realistically
she has NO CLUE what most things taste like, but someone let her try a cherry cough drop once, and now she just rlly wants to eat that fake cherry flavor again
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
she knows how to say various swear words and looked garry in the eyes and said “FUCK!!!” once and he nearly started sobbing on the spot
also she doesnt know much abt numbers and thinks that since shes 9 and garrys 20-30 and 2-3 are less than 9, shes older than him and In Charge
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
she died in pain and thinking her only friend hated her, feeling deeply betrayed :’)
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
GARRY ADOPTS HER AND IB AND THEYRE A FAMILY also shes a lesbian
MADOKA
A: what I think realistically
shes rlly good at drawin!!!! she doodles a lot in class to help her focus, plus she just rlly likes to draw, so she ends up bein rlly talented!!! she esp likes to draw her friends bc like. why not???
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
everyone expects her to be terrified of bugs and sayaka to be the brave one killing them when in reality its sayaka sprinting away as madoka calmly takes it outside and goes “dont worry its okay!!!!! :D”
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
she feels rlly inferior to everyone and, along with being shy, thinks shes honestly useless to a team. its not that she hates herself, its that she thinks shes rlly boring and doesnt have much going for her, and she has no clue how to help or communicate this
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
she and sayaka are DATING theyre GFS also madoka has dpd
SAYAKA
A: what I think realistically
shes mega bi. shes bi. she is just. bi. her first crush was wonder woman and she prob liked hitomi at one point. shes the one friend who gets crushes on EVERYONE, and i mean everyone
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
when she gets bored, she makes up random stories in her head and narrates whats going on in the lives of passerby, and now she has a huge elaborate universe thats like a soap opera in her head. she has a theme song and everything
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
she has bpd but no clue what that IS or how to COPE, so being a magical girl was ppprob a rlly bad idea due to the lows bpd comes with, esp since she based her wish on a person/fp. so she was?? p much destined to fall into despair, even if it wasnt over kyousuke
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
SHES!!!!!!! DATING!!!!!!!! MADOKA!!!!!!!
MAMI
A: what I think realistically
shes a rlly organized person so mess just Ticks her Off, and she spends most of her time just making sure everything is clean. its kinda a comfort mechanism at this point??? like it just makes her feel better
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
shes constantly trying 2 pick up on the current slang and be Cool w the Kiddos these days but shes always at least 3 steps behind
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
she has dpd but since she lost her parents and kyoko abandoned her, shes had nobody to depend on, which kinda sucks? bc like. shes constantly second-guessing herself and has no clue what shes doing and feels so alone
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
shes trans gay and dating kyoko
KYOKO
A: what I think realistically
shes SUPER good at sneaking around/stealing things and lvoes to startle/prank her friends w this bc like??? oh shit sayaka is ur phone missing who couldve took it, oh look madoka got a text from u wonder who sent it
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
she once ate an entire bowl of sugar on a dare from sayaka and got the WORST stomach ache for a day and half, but claimed it was worth it
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
shes always been rlly underweight and manages to steal food Sometimes, but has probably been caught and hurt for doing so
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
A LESBIAN DATING MAMI
HOMURA
A: what I think realistically
shes RLLY talented in a lot of areas due to the many timelines, but shes never rlly grasped the arts?? ie drawing, writing etc, and she has NO clue how madoka does it, what the hell
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
its RLLY hard to make her laugh but she can and WILL crack up if you look her in the eyes and say ���egg”
on a similar, note, she once said “i want kyoko to vore me real good” completely straight-faced, deadpan
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
she has a LOT of trauma she could never rlly talk abt w anyone, esp a therapist, due to the timelines so shes rlly not coping at all in the slightest
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
shes GAY and prob dating hitomi
#text#long post#caps //#vore ment //#food ment //#abuse ment //#ask to tag#stephanie-glass-official#ask memes#kennith's mailbox
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i wanna like rant about the toxic ass mess that was Car and Teddy like THEY WERE SO BAD TOGETHER!I HATE TEDDY MORE THAN CARMINE! I LITERALLY WAS LIKE WORST THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO CARMINE AND THE ANSWER IS TEDDY!!!! IT WILL ALWAYS BE THEODORE ROSES!
(tw for rape, drug use, alcohol use)
SO right off the bat Carmine, well then Jean, met him a such a shitty time in her life. The Danger Girls weren’t making any sales, not getting any awards even though their music was fire! Because it was all Jean’s sound, she did everything and just let them do backing vocals and it was oUT OF THE GOODNESS OF HER HEART. TILL THIS DAY SHE WILL NEVER TAKE SOLE CREDIT EVEN THOUGH SHE DESERVES IT.
The weird father-daughter complex with Barry was making her home life suuuuuck and her only escape in life was now her torturer.
And then up pops Teddy, this club-hopping socialite kinda guy. Like Teddy doesn't and never did have a specific job but basically her was a professional leech. He deals drugs, frequents star packed parties, and Car is in awe just by his cool factor.
Her whole life she was in awe with the cool kids and she had such a low self esteem! Her whole life Jean just wanted to be cool. So these idiots meet a a party and she’s is immediately hooked on this terrible person and he is on her too??
Like he’s shook bc he’s never geniunely felt in love with anyone before but I think its safe to say Teddy did love Jean. Doesn’t excuse the fact he was a manipulative abusive fuck but she was the first person to just relentlessly believe in him. Everybody hated his guts since he was a kid and Jean just ignored his flaws, unhealthily ofc, and always thought he was a good person even though he just fuckin wasnt!
Teddy gets Jean hooked on cocaine, which not only does she use as an escape but alSO TO GET CLOSER TO HIM. COCAINE WAS SO EASY FOR HER TO QUIT ONCE TED WAS GONE!!!!
LIKE! SHE WANTED TO BE COOL WITH HIM AND AS A RESULT BECAME HIS NUMBER ONE CLIENT SO HE’D STAY AROUND AND LEARN TO LIKE HER AND I JUST UGH!
Jean is too head over heels for this idiot to see how bad he is too! He lies to her face! Sleep with other women! And is the main person telling her to leave Barry and the Girls and she LISTENS. BECAUSE TEDDY IS COOL.
To this day Barry regrets everything. He regrets letting Jean leave. He regrets not letting her get a solo deal. He regrets not contacting her while she was downtown because what if?
What if he was able to get her out of that situation before she became the Carmine, the west coast terror?
What if he got her back in the studio and out of that godforsaken nightclub?????
WHAT IF?
So these idiots runaway together on some Bonnie and Clyde shit and it goes to hell so fast!
All of sudden they realize they both have nothing when put together. No money bc Jean got fired from her label and Teddy’s bad antics pretty much got him kicked out of every club and circle in WC. Jean is so mentally not ok: she’s reliant on alcohol and coke, she frequently disassociates and spaces out, shows regressive behavior by talking to her dolls and having temper tantrums and even using baby talk at times.
Fucking teddy thinks shes just actin out because he’s an abelist piece of garbage and hits her because he’s frustrated. He yells at her. He refuses to even talk to her at times and it’s toxic af. Then when she has her whole affair with Lana he’s furious.
How dare the submissive wife of his have the nerve to not love him anymore?
How dare she be happy without my influence?
How dare she be successful?
HOW DARE SHE BE GAY?!?! (gotta love biphobia i tell ya)
So he decides to ruin her for one last time. To leave a gross, fragile masculinity riddle mark on her life that would haunt her. Rapes her and has the nerve to pretend it never happened the next day.
And you know what happens after that
and I JUSTSIGH!!!!!
I will rant about the monster of Teddy Roses for years and I just wan’t y’all to know that. Like it’s hard to not feel bad for Car because SHE’S STILL TERRIBLE! SHE’S ALSO A BAD PERSON BUT I JUST WISH TEDDY WASN’T A THING AND I WANNA FIGHT BOTH OF THEM BUT TEDDY MOSTLY!!!
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havnt had thoughts like this in a long time. it would be really easy to kill myself. no one would know for weeks. i could do it quietly in my room. i could fill my cats food and water to the extreme, plus she’d have my body to eat. Pets do that. No one comes into my room. My friends would probably not think too much about it. they might get annoyed im not responding to them, or maybe they would think im mad at them or ignoring them. id feel bad about that part. but it would be so easy. the only person i really have constant contact with is across the glob. my mom would assume im with someone else. at a friends house or just not even pass her thoughts. not untill the third or fourth day of not talking to me. even then it would just be a txt saying ‘where are you’ or maybe ‘dinners ready if you want some’ but if i ignored it she wouldnt worry. im good at making people not worry. at least in my family at the moment. all i have to do is socialize and wear a little make up, maybe dress a little fun. then they think everything is fine. my friends think everything is fine. i just have humor that insults me, i play things off a lot. seems to work just fine. im tired of asking for help. im tired of saying im fine. i hate being the negative and bitchy one in a group. or the dumb one. or the one no one takes seriously.
i dont know why this is bothering me so much right now. i had come to terms with it. i dont need people to take me seriously. i played up my stupidity and inexperiance and general pathetic uslessness. its easy. but i dont know. im tired. and sad. and empty. everything is so empty you know. nothing matters, im not going anywhere, im not going to be anything. i dont need to be anything but... i want to matter to someone. i want to be someone’s person. the one they go to bc they like me. the one that they can bitch with or laugh with or just... i dont know.... im no one’s favorite person i guess. i should be fine with that. its a selfish thing to want. im just... so tired of being second or third or last.... the one no one wants to invite, the one someone invites when their prefered person cancels. the one who no one remembers or talks to enough to notice im falling apart.
im falling apart. i cant keep anything together. its all just broken and im broken and nothing special. I know people care about me. why cant that be enough. why cant i just accept that im annoying and difficult but ppl like me even if no one loves me. why cant i just be content with being there. why do i feel the need to be someone’s favorite person. why do i have to crave being close to humans. i really cant stand humans. im so broken. why did i have to exist. i want someone to just.... i dont know. be close with. care about me. tell me im not broken. but i dont want to have to ask for it. how fucking hypocritical right. to just want someone to just know what the fuck is wrong with me and lie to me and tell me im not broken. No one can know i need help unless i ask for it. and even then I have to help myself out of this. i know that. i was doing so well.
i need to be on meds. i dont want to be on meds. i hate being alive right now. i hate being bipolar and i hate having depression and having anxiety and i hate that im just a financial burden on my family and that no one in my family seems to actually like me. they love me. i know they do. but they dont like me. i want to be liked. i want to find that someone out there. but i hate everyone. how can i want someone to like me when i dont like anyone. I just hate being alive. i wish i hadnt ever existed. i wish i had the courage to just fucking kill myself. I wish i didnt care about all my friends and family i would hurt if i did kill myself.
i wish i had never been born. i wish i was dead. i never wear seatbelts or pay attention to cars on the road yet im so fucking scared of everything hurting me. this is all fucking stupid nonsense. i cant do anything i cant get a job i have no talents or skills i cant even talk well.. i just hurt and annoy and bother everyone.
but people hurt me too. they hurt me a lot. i never get apologies. i always have to apologize. and i hate it. i hate it so much bc when i do get the rare apology i just feel so sick. like i feel guilty for hearing it and i always feel like im doing wrong. i just want this to stop. i can distract myself from some pain but something always hurts. im hungry, im stupid, im annoying someone, i am being a bitch, im angry at something stupid. i hate existing. its so tiring. i hate being me right now. i want to be someone else. i want to disapear. disolve. not exist. i wish i wasnt who i am. i want to be no one and i want to be someone. i wish i hadnt learned how painful oding was. i wish i could just go and take a handful of pills with a shit ton of booze and just drift away. but i know thats going to hurt. and that terrifies me enough to never try it.
nothing works. i go to therapy. i went to group helps. i went to the hospital. i cant do the medication that i need to do because im self sabatoging myself and not taking them. i keep waiting for the better to happen. i know it’s gotten better with time. but its so long. i have never not felt like this. why did i not get help sooner. my mom told me when i was 7 years old i would come to her after school and ask her in tears if i could die. if it was possible to kill myself. why did she not get me help sooner. why was i 15 by the time i started therapy. why did it take untill i was 20 for her to leave my dad. why did i not get any more help. why did she just let me suffer on my own.
#personal#angsty shit dont read lmao#just casually use tumblr as a diary#its fine im sure no one will see this
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