#and i am sure the internet at large will not take this well
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NFL QB Jake 'Hangman' Seresin AU x Popstar F!Reader
Summary: NFL Quarterback Jacob Seresin is in hot water from a streak of bad decisions, just as you go through the worst public breakup of your life. With people slandering both of your reputations, your publicists hatch a plan to bring both of you back into favor and keep the heat off until spring - that is if you can keep up the facade.
Word Count: 5,334 words
Author Note: I know I have two other outstanding Top Gun fics and I swear I'm trying to get those going but I am writing what sparks joy and well.... this certainly does. || Also!! Reader's stage name is 'Celeste' with 'Este' as the nickname. So no one gets confuseddddd
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You'd never anticipated to start the biggest year of your life absolutely gutted, yet here you are. Your boyfriend – well, ex-boyfriend, severed what you had thought to be a loving, trusting and safe relationship, rather unexpectedly on New Year's Eve. Then he'd gone to the press to relay that you were a horrible person, a terrible girlfriend, too involved in your work to even bother paying attention to anyone else. The timing couldn't be worse, since you were about to start your first ever stadium tour in the spring.
The result had been you hiding away in your little oasis that was your condo in California’s southern escape of San Diego. You’d stayed off the internet, binging TV shows that you’d been too busy to pay attention to and immersing yourself in anything you could, to erase the four year relationship you’d been splintered from. The garbage people probably wondered why there were a near dozen empty quarter pints of ice cream in your recycling bin, but that wasn’t for them to care about. At least you’d recycled them.
Now, three weeks into the new year, with your favorite Chinese on the way, you sit on your couch going over tour visuals. Your lighting engineer is rambling on the line as you hear the gate buzzer go off. You’re quick to collect your dinner as one of the others on the line gasp and quickly mute their mic. “What?” You quip, walking to your expansive kitchen and dropping the large paper bag down. You’re half paying attention when the employee brushes you off, as your hand pulls container after container of food from the magical Mary Poppins-style bag. Getting to the bottom, you grasp for a pair of chopsticks, only to find several sets of them, along with a dozen fortune cookies. You take a moment to look over your four entrees and styrofoam container of sushi. The audacity of them to think you would be sharing any of this.
Finally, you address the matter of your dramatic tech director. “What’s the deal over there Hollywood?” You chide, before your phone is ringing, leaving you to hang up the video call to answer the phone. It’s your publicist and you know better than to let her calls go unanswered.
“Check your inbox.” Her voice is frigid instead of it’s usually cheery demeanor.
“Hello to you too?” Begrudgingly, you do as she commands, finding the email she sent to you.
Jonah Carter agreed to sit down for an interview with UsWeekly, post-breakup to clear the air and to make sure no one else would fall for his ex-girlfriend's (Celeste) playful, girl-next-door-ish facade.
"At first, it felt like a dream come true," Carter, an up-and-coming actor within his own right, said almost sheepishly. "I thought she was talented and kind, but I should've known it was too good to be true."
But there's more to this pop-star than Jonah says meets the eye. In addition to the vanity and self-importance that seems to plague this generation's starlets, Este was a vindictive slob who routinely talked behind the back of even her closest friends. "It makes me wonder what she's saying about me, now, after everything I've heard her say about those who think are closest to her." The concern for others is written very clearly on the actor’s face as he speaks. When I question the songstress’ messages about authenticity, the man adjusts in his seat as he holds back a laugh.
"She'd like you to believe she writes all her own music, but I'm not sure she could write a full sentence without the help of her team," Jonah chuckled nervously into his coffee. "Sorry, that was rude. I don't want to stoop to her level." Cowed brown eyes made me wonder what else he had endured behind closed doors. It struck a chord within me.
“Why did you stay as long as you had if this was what you were facing?” I ask him. The expression of his kind features morphs into despair.
“When we first met, Celeste was someone I admired. Her compassion, her drive and her dedication to the things she valued spoke so deeply to what I did, what I still do-” he fumbles as he attempts to source the proper words, “They just… weren’t her beliefs. They were her team’s.” Jonah lets out a pained sound, “I think when we got toward the end of it, I realized that she has this way of manipulating what she says, how she acts, to make herself look good. She puts on a show, on and off the stage and you pay for it one way or another. So, I knew what she was capable of. I knew she could be that person if she really wanted to and I wanted so badly to help her see that. I eventually learned that people see what they want to see.”
God, what a load of hot garbage this was. It was a particularly rare batch, clearly it had been baking in a dumpster in the scorching sun with the lid closed. All damp, with a horrendous mix of something rotting and old crusty seaweed.
The tour was supposed to be announced on the first of the month and here your ex was selling stories (horribly narrated and mangled stories) to the press. You might as well have been kicking puppies at this point.
“Isn’t he just swell? Nothing but peak wisdom from good ol’ Jonah.” Your eyes could’ve strained themselves with how far back they rolled. Probably the only time he’d ever made them do that too.
“I’ve already called a team together to brainstorm. I don't want you to respond. Stay offline, away from all of it and don't entertain any of the discourse. Not until I have something to work with.”
“None of it is true we both know that-” You begin to laugh but she cuts you off.
“As much as I want to be on your side here, we are working to put out a fire. Your silence the last three weeks has put you at a massive disadvantage and frankly? The public eye doesn’t see you in the greatest space right now.” You know she’s right. She always is, and right now ‘Celeste’ was synonymous with ‘cynical, fake and fraudulent’. You wouldn’t be shocked if the uproar demanded you be canceled based off of this testimony.
It wasn’t all but two days later that you were called in by your PR team. Into the office in New York for the first time since before Thanksgiving. It had been a busy end of the year and now that the new one was coming in so ferociously you weren’t looking toward any of the things you once had been. This was the first time back into the light and so you had made sure that the inevitable cameras had something to look at. You’d dressed yourself in your favorites, in an effort to boost your confidence as best as you could. Putting on a show, just like you had been when things had been on the rocks with Jonah.
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Getting to the office, you’re nearly trampled with the amount of people that swarm you. It’s not normally this bad - hell it’s never this bad. It isn’t until you catch sight of a football jersey and an ESPN logo that your brow furrows. Odd.
Stepping into the building, you’re pushing your sunglasses up onto your head, looking down at your ringing phone and trying to slide your coat off simultaneously. Instead, you crash right into what you think is a wall, but is instead a broad man, looking rather lost.
“Easy there, Twinkle Toes.” You guffaw and look up at the blonde man before returning your eyes toward your feet. Of course, the bedazzled statement boots on your feet call attention to themselves before the rest of the outfit can balance itself out.
“Alright, Prince Charming, you first.” You snicker before stepping out of his way and start to the elevator. Unfortunately for you, he’s apparently heading your way as well, needing access to the lift to the next floor.
“Prince Charming, huh? I mean I’ve been called worse.” His shoulders roll backwards as the elevator dings to one of the other floors. You keep your head trained forward, suddenly remembering the rule you’d been given. Stay quiet, don’t engage. And here you were giving sass to a stranger and showing up in bedazzled booties. You were really digging this grave deeper than necessary. So, instead of giving him another sassy response, you keep your eyes locked to the neon numbers as the elevator passes each floor. “Oh so, now I’m getting a cold shoulder? Darn, I was really ready to ask you all about the boots on your feet, too.” You can’t help but let your eyes move back over to the broad male, just out of the corner of your eye. His face is completely locked on you, shamelessly at that. “They expensive? They got that waxy red paint on the bottoms of ‘em?” Silently, you turn one of your feet up to give him a glimpse at the blue bottom of the shoe. “Huh, blue. That’s fun. That more expensive than the LouButton or whatever they are?” Finally the elevator reaches your floor, hopefully shutting this chatterbox up for the time being. Yet the questions continue like an immature toddler as you rise up the floors - going to the same floor nonetheless. “Hey, you’re that Celeste chick aren’t ya?”
“Yes.” You finally answer one of his questions, his face lighting up.
“Oh look at that, she cracks.” Another eye roll times well with the sound of the elevator reaching the desired floor. Instead of responding, you quickly find your way through the glass hallways and to the desired room. You are so glad to be in the presence of the familiar group, the stranger in the elevator having rattled your composure somewhat. Your manager comes in with a cup of coffee and a smile, which immediately puts one on yours.
“You didn’t have to do that!” You cheer, reaching out for it as she sits beside you.
“When you see what Rachel has come up with, you’re going to need it.” Oh. Reassuring.
You see her point when Prince Charming steps into the board room, followed by a host of men in dress clothes and suits, all matching the blue soles of your boots. Charming sits directly across from you, a hand wiggling his fingers as he waves at you. Oh good.
“Thank you everyone for coming. I know this is a very polarizing group, so before we get ahead of ourselves, I want to introduce Celeste, or Este as we all have come to call her over the years.” Awkwardly, you wave at the foreign men. They grunt and nod. You were already having doubts and not a word had been spoken on their end. “I also want to introduce Beau Simpson, public relations coordinator for the San Diego Sea Lions, Coach Natasha Trace, and Sea Lions owner, Tom Kazansky.”
Sea Lions? As in the NFL team that had been built not even three years ago but had made it to all three playoffs in their short time? The one that Jonah had ridiculed immensely when it joined the league because ‘California doesn’t need another group of inflated egos in the league’?
“I’m really feeling the love here, Rach.” Charming speaks up and the raven haired woman on the other side of the table sighs.
“This is Jacob Seresin, starting quarterback for the Sea Lions.” The coach speaks, the blonde man brushing off her introduction.
“No need for full names, Trace. Clearly we only do the stage name around here.” That was a clear jab to you if you’d ever heard it. “Hangman’s what they call me.” His hand juts across the glass, toward you. Your hands stay tucked under your biceps.
“Pleasure to meet you.” It’s passive, turning to your team leader. “Rachel. I’m not seeing a connection here.”
“Jacob is in the same pot of hot water you’re in.” Your attention moves to the similarly broad man who stands up, towering over Rachel. “We feel as though we can spin this to both of your advantages. Jake needs to stop sleeping around–”
“Easy now, Simpson.” The eldest in the room stands up and he gives you a kind smile. It’s not a farce though. You’re not entirely sure what makes it so genuine, but you smile in return of seeing him stand, despite it taking a slight bit of effort to do so. “What he means is, Jake’s professional status has changed due to the words of someone else and we’re determined to alter that. Rachel identified this and made quite the proposal.” The young woman seems all too cheery to cut off the old man.
“You’re both having relationship woes–” The raven haired woman on Jacob’s team speaks under her breath.
“Wouldn’t call them relationships.”
“And by putting you two together, we feel as though we can put you into a positive light. Let’s face it, putting two very successful, and attractive people who are already in the spotlight allows people to follow the developing love story. Este attends games, plays the WAG card, has an opportunity to be seen in the public eye more frequently and dispels the ill-spoken words that were published about her this week. Jake gets the proof that he isn’t just a love-em-and-leave-em type.” Your eyes spell out the doubt you’re feeling, looking at your team who is just as skeptical. “That’s just the beginning! Celeste is going on tour this year. Stadiums all across the country have her booked and ready for the summer. We have a captive audience already following these games to see Este and Jake together, and we get brand recognition. The conversations that will come as she gets to witness her betrothed play in a stadium she would be performing in that very summer.”
Now you see where the benefit actually is. Clearing your name while simultaneously promoting your tour in the process. Seeing stadiums you’ve booked and would hopefully sell out.
“So how are you proposing this works? We’ll need a start, an end - a story on how we met–”
“Well,” Beau settles in his seat, twisting in the desk chair as he draws in the attention of the group, “we have the major details hypothesized. Rachel and I will work with one another to get the rest of it together. For now, you two met at a New Years Eve party.”
Oh joy. Now you get to remember that bitter break-up that led you here, every time you speak about him.
The man looks like he walked out of a surfing magazine, as it were. Now, the scowl on his features paints him as a devil. Long hair, muscular arms on display as he leans into the table in front of him.
“If we don’t do this?” Jake leans back in his chair, a hand coming to fiddle with the lingering 5 o’clock shadow that he has omitted in his morning routine.
“We don’t do this and there will be a lack of support for the Sea Lions. You’ll have painted the entire team as jackasses who can’t focus to save their life, especially if you continue to party and hook up with whomever your dick has the hots for that night-” Beau has gone off the handle and Tom speaks up again.
“The point is, public favor will stay low and it will not bode well for the team. With a lack of support, we have empty seats. Empty seats translates to less viewers, then to less money and you know the song and dance. Not to mention morale for the upcoming playoffs. We need to keep the team happy, Hangman. It’s time to do something to benefit everyone.”
Jake’s expression deepens, as though he was a young child just scolded by his father for his poor behavior. Green eyes shift and face you, his hand jutting out toward you.
“I’m in.” His hand hovers. Waiting for you to join him in this grand scheme. Glancing at your own team, they look rather haunted. At this point, it was this or to hope that a long string of possible good stories and fan interactions can redeem you.
You want this to pass. And if this would make it go faster… you grab Jake’s hand firmly.
“What’s there to lose?”
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You went back onto social media. Posted some photos you’d taken with friends back at the beginning of the month, from the worst party of your life. The photos at least were cute and you loved the dress you’d gotten to wear. Luckily these photos were all taken prior to midnight. So there were no red eyes. No ruined mascara and glitter across your cheeks. No freezing car rides home and empty beds.
Mindlessly, you scroll through the comments.
Flameth: can still make the whole place shimmer ✨
RunTao: phony photos
Romanacent: so glad to see you’re not letting him get to you!
H_ngm_n: you’re still gonna let me borrow those boots right
It’s the last one you’d been keeping an eye out for. Boots? Looking back at the photo, you scroll through the carousel until you spot them.
The same shiny sparkly rhinestone boots you’d worn to your meeting.
Celeste: @h_ngm_n I’m a woman of my word, of course 🤗
Not even a week goes by before you’re ‘spontaneously’ at a bar in LA. Jake has been there for the last two hours, as he insisted you both show up alone and then end up leaving together. You eventually found him in the VIP section, drinking with his buddies.
You made sure to keep your distance for a few minutes - after all, his friends had no idea this was going down. The only people who knew about this little arrangement were your respective PR teams. That was it. No one else from your teams, your friends and family, absolutely no one knew what your little plan was. Maybe you should just leave. It was a verbal contract, you didn’t sign anything, you were just trying to make this work for the two of you-
The bartender pulls you from your deliberations. There is now a drink that you certainly didn’t order sitting in front of you. Well there was no going back now. Jake had likely made a show of sending over the drink and now you had to go through with this. Glancing over your shoulder, you see the jock, legs spread, arms resting on the back of the booth chair. Green eyes lock in your direction and send a cocky wink as a garnish to your drink.
You are about to win your first Oscar with this performance. Throwing on a grin, you pick up the drink and easily sashay your way over to him and his football buddies. Some flash titanium wedding bands, some platinum. Some aren’t wearing them at all, like your date, mister 83 who leans forward upon your approach. “Well, well, well, long time no see hot shot.”
“Speak for yourself, pop star.” Jake stands to greet you, his arms coming around you, carefully as to not spill either of your drinks. You catch a whiff of his cologne when he does so. It’s rich, familiar in the way it reminds you of summers camping. Bonfire smoke and smores. Yet clean, like when you came home to a clean house, citrus floor cleaner lingering in the halls. Pulling back, you almost move forward again to sit in it. Easy does it.
“Oh come on, three weeks isn’t that long.” You chide. While most of his body has pulled away from the hug, his free hand still sits on your waist, warm against the AC of the exclusive bar.
“Technically it was a year ago.” Jake smirks before taking a sip of his drink and you want to groan. So you do. But spin it into something more playful.
“Observant, are we?” You nearly snarl as you take a sip of your drink, Jake’s colleagues standing up. The one who’d sat right next to him grins and extends a hand. He’s tall, lean but has a stunning smile as he steps your way.
“Not sure we’ve met. Javy Machado, running back, San Diego Sea Lions-” the blonde looks at his friend with an amused scoff.
“I think she knows who the Sea Lions are, Jav.” The look on the captain’s face is one of skepticism and amusement. You were here to dispel rumors. So, as much as you’d like to smack Jake for being a dick to his friend, you shake his teammate’s hand instead
“In passing. I don’t follow football closely, but I get by. Celeste.” The smile on your face is genuine as the next player stands. Kind eyes, a domestic bar of hair on his upper lip and the build of a pickup truck, he goes for a quick one armed hug. When he lets go, you have to wipe the temptation of any swooning you were compelled to do. Especially since a gold band glistens on his left hand.
You’re here for Jake anyways.
“Name’s Bradley Bradshaw. They call me Rooster.” Your eyebrow furrows as your head twists. Before you can ask, another man on the other side of the room laughs.
“You should hear him on the field when he’s sacking someone.” This one, curls and meticulously groomed facial hair to boot, leans forward and shakes your hand kindly. “I’m Mickey. That back there is Bob.”
True to his word, at the end of the bench is a long haired man, tucked into his phone and fiddling with a ring. He doesn’t seem to match the energy of the rest of the group. Curious. “Bob!” He glances up at the sound of his name, blue eyes flitting from face to face before spotting you. When he does he breaks out into a smile.
“Celeste! Gosh, wow it’s so cool to meet you! My girls adore your music.” This catches Jake’s attention, a brow popping up.
“Aren’t both of ‘em less than five?” He asks and Bob looks between the two of you.
“Yeah? It’s never too early to introduce them to great music and influential women.” There’s no faking the smile on your face as you reach over and shake his hand. When you do, you look at Jake with a ‘would you look at that’ coded grin.
“That’s amazing to hear! I’m glad they have fun with it! That’s why I do it.” You glance back at Jake as he comes behind you, hand shifting to the small of your back.
“Pay’s in the bathroom, I’m sure you’ll meet him sometime later tonight.” The quarterback gives a nod to his group, before guiding the two of you to a high top table not too far from them. When you sit down he looks at you with a laugh. “Flirt much?”
“Excuse me?” Jumping to the defense, you watch Jake roll his eyes and then look back at Bradley, before facing you.
“You were practically eye-fucking him.”
“Was not.”
“He’s happily married, leave him be.” The blonde sips at his drink and you can’t help but laugh when you realize he’s giving you a hard time.
“Right, right, guess I’ll bother you instead.” The tease is off your lips in two seconds. Maybe he was right, you were coming off strong. You huff and sink into yourself briefly. “I don’t know if you realized this, but I haven’t had ‘flirt’,” your fingers mark the quotation marks in the air, “with anyone in a while. Let alone fake it.”
Jake leans back in his chair, downing the rest of his beverage a smirk making way when he sets the glass down.
“Don’t worry, you won’t be faking it for long.”
The two of you sat at that table for probably an hour, bickering over which of the Pirates of The Caribbean movies were the best, and why glitter was a detriment to society. Another round of drinks and the football star return to the table as he laughs when he spills a little of your overflowing drink.
“No, no I assure you. Glitter originated in some high tech nuclear weapons factory to make the enemy go insane upon introducing it to an environment.” He pushes your drink toward you as you pull your hair back. Not only were you not anticipating for him to be this passionate about it, but you weren’t planning on the night going like this.
You were enjoying yourself. Jake had told you about his time at UT, six years spent studying communications no less.
It made sense when you really dissected it. Jake had the ease to hold someone’s attention: he’d held yours this long after all, and he was well spoken. Both were things that were shocking to you. He soon enough revealed the plan had always been football. Communications was for post-retirement, when he got tired out and wanted to be back in the stadiums.
Stories of his dad commentating his high school games came fondly before he asked about your background. You were a bit hesitant to divulge too much, but what you had was pretty bare-bones.
Music had always been a hobby but never a career choice. You’d planned to go into school for a degree in education, a masters in English. Go and teach for a bit before getting your PhD in some niche of the world of writing and then become a professor at your alma mater.
With the rise of social media and the multitudinous connections of the internet, a little original song of yours got popular. Local radio picked it up and then your label signed you.
“It all was pretty spontaneous, really,” you answer. “My career was in no way by design, but… I wouldn’t change it.” The smile on your face is small, but genuine as your hair falls back around your face. Tracing the rim of your glass, you keep your eyes down before a hand pushes your hair out of your face. Coming eye to eye with him, he grins.
“Guess it was written in the stars then.” His response catches you. Jake’s eyes are much softer than when you’d approached him earlier. They were dark, focused and possibly a little mischievous. Now? They were gentle. Every shade reassured you that the boisterous man you’d seen in the office and the press was nothing like the man under the helmet.
It made far more sense to you now. How he’d gotten women hooked on him. The abrasiveness and bold exterior was the casing to the real character.
How many women had actually made it past the outside?
The rustling of a fabric on leather comes from in front of you, watching as the blonde pulls out a wad of cash from his pocket.
“Please tell me this isn’t you trying to buy my affection there, Seresin.” As he stands up, pushing his wallet back, the grin carved on his face doesn’t leave when he shakes his head.
“No, no, princess. This is for the bartender. Turns out you’re not a cheap date.” His knuckles wrap onto the table briefly before he disappears. You blame the blush on your face on the humidity inside the building.
The two of you bid your goodbyes, before starting to the front of the bar to exit. Reaching the street, it’s expectantly empty. He takes the side closest to the street as the two of you head down the way, toward the row of restaurants and shops that were quiet for the night.
“Are you hungry?” Jake’s voice breaks through the cold of late January air, looking at him quizzically.
“If you’re hungry we could go back-” His hand comes to your back again as he shakes his head.
“Oh-ho, no ma’am I promise, I’ve got something way better.”
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Unfortunately, he was right. The two of you stand in the glow of food truck lighting, beyond messy tacos in hand. He’s watching you with a smirk on his face, obnoxiously chewing the fish taco in his hand.
“Is that not the best taco you’ve ever had?” Again, his voice is filled with ardor as he watches you attempt to maneuver the soft corn tortilla that seems to be spilling into your napkin.
“It’s… a taco.” You shrug, looking down at the brown beef meal in your hands. Jake shakes his head, still chewing.
“No, no, I will not have you slander Ganso’s Tacos. Absolutely not.” He sets his red basket down on a table, hand in a vice grip around his taco. “Here, open,” he maneuvers closer and you shake your head, backing up.
“I am not eating your taco!”
“Eat it!!” The two of you laugh. Finally, you concede and take a bite of the hand fed taco. When he finally takes it back to his plate, his expression eagerly waits for your reaction. One hand covers your mouth as you chew, nodding as Jake looks like he just stole the Mona Lisa without getting caught.
“You’re right.” One singular fist to the air and he’s back to scarfing down his tacos.
“I told you. Way better than bar food. This is by far the best taqueria in all of California. And I stand by that.”
With full stomachs and messy hands, the two of you start back toward the bar, where Jake’s parked. When you do, you finally notice a car has been tailing the two of you since you ordered your meal.
The crowd in front of the bar proves that your teams were certainly on to something. Flashes of light start in an onslaught, your hand coming to block your eyes. Still, you keep walking toward them, only for Jake to grab your hand and guide you toward his car.
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Voices shout, questions sail through the air, your name, his name, Jonah’s, more questions about football- it all gets crammed into the cacophony before the passenger door opens under Jake’s hand, guiding you to your escape pod.
The driver side door causes the car to shake with an unceremonious thud. In seconds, the engine to the sports car is ignited and the two of you are underway.
It isn’t until you get about two miles out that one of you finally speaks.
“How long do you think it’s going to take for those to show up online?” White lines on the road disappear as you head further and further from the bars and closer to the hotel you were staying at for the weekend.
“I give it maybe six hours. Four if we’re lucky.” He laughs, but it doesn’t match the hearty ones he shared with you earlier.
A sports broadcast plays lowly on the radio, both of you overwhelmed by the cameras that stimulating conversation was far from what either of you were concerned with. It isn’t long until you spot your hotel. Jake navigates into the lane closest to the front of the building, pressing down on the brakes. You’re just about to unbuckle when he pulls back out into the other lane, lurching forward and away from your accommodation.
“Um. Hello?” You question. The car whips around a turn, green eyes fixated to the rear view. Shifting in your seat, you glance behind you.
“We’re being followed.” Jake just barely makes the light before it turns red, leaving the tailing SUV behind.
“It’s probably just paparazzi, no big deal.” It’s easy to shrug off for you, but Jake huffs.
“Yeah. And I’m not dropping you off at a hotel alone with vultures circling.” Navigating the CarPlay in the vehicle, he quickly moves to messages and asks his phone to send someone to your hotel to gather your things.
“Jake, I’m-”
“You’re staying with me.”
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#top gun maverick#top gun#top gun maverick fanfiction#top gun fic#top gun fanfiction#jake seresin x reader#jake seresin fic#jake seresin fanfiction#jake seresin#hangman fanfiction#hangman fanfic#hangman x reader#hangman
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Not sure if you’re taking requests but can you please draw Orca? The murder mystery (the murder mystery sister) if you’ve already drawn her I’d love a link!
I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm taking "requests" as such, since offering that can be a rather precarious slope on the internet. What I am certainly open to though is suggestions! If it's something that intrigues me at the time, or I was already planning to do and just haven't gotten around to yet, I may give it a shot.
Incidentally, drawing Orca was something I already wanted to do at some point in the future, so...
Orca
I imagine Orca was very similar to Tsunami in looks and physique; both would be fairly large and well-built. Strong. Swift. Good at fighting. Orca might have had the edge in raw physical strength (as a sculptor she would be accustomed to moving large stone blocks around) while Tsunami has better reflexes and instincts.
They're still very similar though; if you were able to put them next to each other at the same age, they'd likely be difficult to tell apart (if one wasn't green and their markings weren't different). I picture Orca with two prominent and large luminous patches over her eyes, which is where she got her name from.
If she had lived, she might have had a potentially interesting dynamic with Tsunami. But in terms of causes of death, there are certainly worse ways to go than decking Coral in the snout.
#wings of fire#wof#dragon#digital art#wof art#flawseer art#flawseer reply#wof seawing#wof orca#wof headcanon
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unsolved (iii)
Summary: Bucky doesn't even believe in the paranormal. So who the hell thought it was a good idea to stick him in a series about everything haunted for the internet's amusement? With his loose-canon of a teammate who has no concept of subtlety or shits left to give, to make things even worse. (Buzzfeed unsolved AU)
Warnings: swearing, frustrated bucky at his little shit supreme, obnoxious reader, cryptids, graveyards
A/N: good evening. i am fighting demons (tummy ache). comments and feedback are always appreciated thank u for the love on the series so far i adore u guys sm <;33
Previous part || Series masterlist
A few days after the first video goes up, Bucky returns from his run to a SHIELD file taped to his door.
He opens to a black and white photo of him from back in the day, and a page full of his details. Full name, blood group, previous addresses, aliases, best colours to match his undertone, favourite Gilmore Girl boyfriend.
He flips the page to the section on his known connections, only for a sheet of paper to fall out. Sharpie sprawled haphazardly across it, in big red letters.
NO AUNT.
BITCH.
He bites back a grin.
The video does reasonably well. Not record breaking numbers or anything, but for once there aren’t TikToks of people counting how many times he blinks to make sure he’s an actual human.
Always a man of his word, though he has regretted it every single time, he agrees to a second video. It follows after a disgraceful bout of bitching and even pleading, but a few hours later, he resigns himself to his fate silently.
That is until the schedule for the next video shoot is posted to the server, and he sees it’s at night.
The night he uses to sleep. The night.
Before he can even type out his rejection, his door receives four sharp knocks. He doesn’t even need to open it to know who it was.
It’s like you could read his thoughts. Probably could. He doesn’t know the extent of your telekinesis.
In your hands is a large cardboard box and on your face is a stupidly big grin.
“Good evening,” you greet.
“Tell me the show’s getting cancelled,” he says.
“Nope. We–” you announce, reaching into the box and shoving something onto his chest, “--are going on a trip. Demon hunting.”
“Demon hunting?”
“To Westley Cemetery,” you add, letting the box tumble onto the floor as you grip its contents. “To catch the Westley Cemetery Cryptid.”
“What the hell is the Westley Cemetery Cryptid?” Bucky demands.
“Creature that lives in the cemetery, watches people from the trees and runs after you if you’re there too long. No known kills, but a couple of scratches and spooks,” you list off.
His face twists. “That’s not a real thing.”
“Uh, yes it is.” You rest a hand on your hip. “My sources told me so.”
“Who are your sources?”
“Twitter.”
Bucky stares at you without a word.
“It’s totally real. It’s got a Wikia page and everything,” you argue against his complete silence. “I believe in it.”
“That means nothing.”
“Rude.” You glare pointedly. “Anyway, point is, we’re going out tonight to the cemetery and we’re gonna catch this thing on tape.”
Bucky tracks your gaze to finally look down at what you’ve shoved into his hands. It’s a headband, with two cameras attached to it, one facing your face and the other outward. Night vision, he guesses.
He sighs. “How long? An hour?”
“Was Hamlet written in an hour? Was Sharknado filmed in an hour?” you exclaim. “Great art takes time. We’re staying out there as long as we need to. So help me, we will emerge victorious.”
Bucky stares at you. “Two hours.”
“Seven.”
“Thirty minutes.”
“Your will is weak and your spirit is cowardly.” You return his fixed look with equal intensity, if not more, which he didn't think was possible. “Three hours.”
“Deal.”
“Great.” You stick your hand out, and he grabs on firmly. “See you at 1am.”
“1am?!”
It is 1am, it is cold and Bucky is miserable.
But he’s there. In the cemetery. With the stupid camera rig on his head.
You offer him whiskey to warm him up, and he agrees.
You then tell him you don’t actually have any because you didn’t think he’d accept.
He hates it here.
The wind whistles around the both of you. The eerie silence is only compounded by the fact that he can’t see anything beyond a certain point. The night is especially dark and there is no moonlight.
He trudges through the patchy grass, dry leaves crunching under his boots.
The camera being so close to his face along with the fact that you wouldn’t stop singing the same three fucking lines of the song over and over again, makes him want to tear his hair out.
“That thing’s not gonna get near us if you don’t shut up,” he grumbles.
“Nonsense,” you hum. “I’m a goddamn delight. He’s gonna be trippin’ over himself to get to me.”
“He doesn’t exist.”
“He definitely does, and you know what? I bet your shit vibes are gonna attract him. Moth to flame and all that. Karmic justice.”
Bucky stares straight ahead, swerving to avoid running into cracked tombstones.
You go back to singing, but worse this time.
“What if we don’t get anything?” he interrupts, to protect his sanity. “No one wants to watch a bunch of people just walk around the dark for 20 minutes.”
There’s no response.
It takes a second for Bucky to realise the singing’s stopped too.
He stops in his tracks, head swivelling to look for you.
“The fuck…” he mutters.
In the cemetery, he is truly alone for a moment. Silent, other than wrought iron gates creaking in the far distance.
The leaves of the tree above him rustle.
Bucky looks up, squinting against the darkness.
Against the stillness of the night, he sees it. A figure stands tall on the branches of the tree, silhouette obscured by the leaves.
It leers down at him, unmoving.
Bucky doesn’t even flinch.
“Very funny,” he says. “Hilarious.”
“We’ll fake it,” the figure calls from above. “If we don’t get any footage, I’ll just get on up there and fuck around and you record.”
“Get down,” he demands. “We’re not faking footage.”
If this show had to die this way, so be it.
“Bore,” you boo, lowering yourself to the ground with ease. “If I didn't know any better, I’d say you don’t want to be a part of this series.”
“I don’t.”
“Anyway,” you say obnoxiously, “we won’t have to. There is definitely a cryptid here. I can feel it in my bones.”
“We’re halfway through the graveyard and there’s nothing here,” he shoots back. “We should call it quits.”
“You’re right,” you say, to his surprise. “We need to cover more ground. Let’s split up.”
That is most definitely not what he was saying.
But you start singing again and so Bucky agrees faster than you finish the same stupid third line for the hundredth time that hour.
Bucky is a man of dignity.
Less than five minutes later, he gives up.
He takes a seat against the trunk of a tall tree, in a relatively open clearing.
He figures if he just takes a nap then the two hours would pass by quicker.
Bucky has no idea where you’ve gone. The lack of light doesn’t help, even with his advanced vision.
He crosses his arms behind his head and settles back, eyes closing.
Not even a second later, he wants to rip his hair out when the stupid song you were singing reintroduces itself in his head.
“For fuck’s sake,” he groans.
The tree he’s leaning against shifts ever so slightly.
His eyes fly open, but he doesn’t move an inch.
Instinctually, his breathing slows and his ears tune in to pick up even the faintest sounds.
The draft whispers, and he knows for a fact that something is above him.
A branch cracks.
“Go away,” Bucky says loudly.
A second passes.
And then another.
“You’re supposed to be looking for the thing,” you shout.
“It’ll find me if it wants to.” He shifts to make himself more comfortable. “I’m givin’ him a real shot here.”
“You didn’t even look up.”
“Didn’t have to.”
“He could have been above you.”
“But he wasn’t.” Bucky’s eyes close again.
“You’re terrible.” It comes back muffled, and branches shift. “I’m headin’ that way. One of us has to put some effort into this.”
“Joy. Knock yourself out.”
The trunk moves under his muscles again and Bucky lets out a small exhale, settling back into the position he was in.
Until he hears you singing in the distance. Same three lines, same off-key tune.
Bucky drags his palm across his face.
An hour passes.
Unlike his original plan, he does not sleep.
He instead recounts every element he remembers from the periodic table.
Replays every Dodgers game from his childhood, and then gets mad at their shift.
Then he tries to recollect every fact he knows about you so far. Mutant, captured and experimented on, broke free several years before him. Met Nat along the way and befriended her. Telekinesis, slowed aging. Escape artist. Wedding videographer. Allegedly.
He just doesn’t get how you’re so goddamn chirpy all the time, given that he’d been through something similar and come out the way he had.
It had taken him a month to say anything to anyone other than Steve. You went out for brunch with Sam the same weekend you showed up at the compound.
He doesn’t get you.
Speaking of which, he hasn’t actually seen you in a while.
He checks the time on his watch. Nearly 3am.
He had a fucking workout in the morning and no lizard-man was going to be the cause for Steve outrunning him.
He pushes himself off the ground with a groan, and stretches out his sore limbs. Definitely too old for lying around a cemetery beyond midnight.
He calls out your name loudly, and then again, before waiting.
He hears bells ringing in the distance.
Bucky looks up.
In the shadows of the trees, he comes face to face with the same sight as before. A figure, standing on the branches.
“There’s nothing here,” he calls out, sighing. “Can we just leave?”
The twigs creek, and for a second he thinks you’re going to fall.
“Already told you I’m not faking footage, get down from there,” he repeats. “I’m leaving. I’ll see you at the gate.”
The leaves shuffle around before he hears branches break.
Something you say gets obscured by your movement, but you disappear again. He thinks that maybe you were cursing him out, and deservedly so. He just couldn’t find it in himself to care.
He rolls his eyes, but starts making his way to the entrance of the graveyard.
The walk back is faster, and he holds back a yawn as the gates start creeping up on the horizon.
There’s no sign of you. He half thinks you ditched him here and went back to the compound. Or fell off the tree and were just laying there.
But he decides to wait, leaning against the exposed concrete wall.
Eyes closed, he rubs his temples and decides that if you’re not here in the next thirty seconds, he’ll just–
“Hey,” you greeet from right in front of him.
“Where the hell did you go?” he demands.
You blink at him, before holding up a wrapper.
“Got a sandwich. I was hungry. The diner was real nice too, I spent like half an hour talkin’ to the owner.”
He stares at you. “You just left to get a sandwich?”
“Yeah, and I got you one, too,” you reply, tossing him a paper bag. “You’re welcome. God bless that man, but those things aren’t cheap.”
“You’ve not been here for the last half hour?”
“I mean, I spent like ten minutes looking.” You shrug, taking another bite. “All I got was a bunch of grass.”
Ten minutes. Bucky had sat under the stupid tree for an hour.
“So you just left,” he says dryly.
“Yes,” you reply like it’s not even worth debating. “Besides, if anyone could find a cryptid it’d be you. A fellow cryptid.”
Bucky spins on his heel to leave.
“You’re welcome for dinner,” you call out, and he can hear you laugh.
He flips you the finger, and regrets it a second later when your singing resumes.
The sandwich is good. He appreciates it.
He even manages to keep pace with Steve the next morning.
What he doesn’t appreciate is coming back to fifteen missed calls and four video calls from you.
From: co-host (TGS)
can you pick up
From: co-host (TGS)
i know you have nothing going on in your life you are bitchless
Bucky switches off his phone for the next three hours.
Finally, it’s a threat that you will show up at his door again and Bucky finally video calls you back that evening.
“What,” he states.
“Took you long enough,” you huff, sitting up to adjust the camera. In the middle of the ordeal, Bucky sees your laptop open.
“What do you want?” he repeats.
“The team sent over the videos from last night,” you tell him. “At some point in the video you said ‘we’re not faking footage, get down from there.”
“Yeah.”
He hears you play the footage faintly in the background, almost to substantiate your point. He cringes at the sound of his own voice.
“Who were you talking to?”
Bucky rolls his eyes. “Heard you in the trees. Figured you climbed up there again.”
“Ah.” You click your tongue. “Interesting.”
“What.”
You hum. “See, that wasn’t me.”
Bucky’s eyes narrow. “Yes, it was.”
“No, it wasn’t,” you say calmly. “I’d left to get dinner way before all that.”
“Right.”
“I’m serious. Got the timestamp on my video to prove it.” You look up at him through the camera finally. “So who were you actually talking to, Barnes?”
Bucky’s nose twitches.
“Bye,” he says shortly.
“Dude,” he hears you laugh loudly through the phone. “I fuckin’ told you you’d attract these things, you–”
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#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#mcu fic#bucky fic#bucky barnes fic#bucky fluff#bucky barnes fluff#bucky angst#bucky barnes angst#unsolved fic#winter soldier x reader#Winter Soldier#bucky barnes#bucky
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How about Bada lee angst based from a song, exile - Taylor swift. Bada in Bon iver pov while reader's Taylor. Sorry if there's any mistakes in my grammar, English is not my first language
Exile
Pairing: Bada Lee x idol! reader
Synopsys: you and Bada meet at the the W party after your break up
Warnings: angst
Notes: i love writing based on songs apparently. ty anon for requesting this and i hope you enjoy!!
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
She couldn’t say she didn’t expect you to be here. The W party meant famous guests and a great chance to networking. Bada would lie if she said a part of her was not happy to see you after so long. But she didn’t expect you to be on a man’s arm. And you were ironically enough sitting at the same table just across each other.
I can see you standing, honey
With his arms around your body
Laughin’, but the joke’s not funny at all
You were your ever charming self, paying attention to every word he said, laughing whenever he made some stupid jokes even a middle school kid would find cringe. You were wearing a classic little black dress that fit your body like a glove. You were as gorgeous as she remembered. Of course she saw you everywhere; makeup advertising, promoting your new song, thirst traps on tiktok. You haven’t been in touch for a while but she always kept an eye on you, no matter how ugly things ended between the two of you.
Now you showed up here with that creature. He wasn’t even handsome. It took her utmost control to keep smiling and navigate through all those people, exchange compliments as a possible beginning for future projects. But you were always somewhere in the corner of her vision, introducing your partner to people. Fans on the internet were saying it was just promotions for your new role in a drama. Other people said you were dating for real. She couldn’t tell.
And it took you five whole minutes
To pack us up and leave me with it
Holdin’ all this love out here in the hall
She showed her cool self as always, although, as she stepped on the carpet in front of all the cameras, the lights blinded her and for a moment she felt like running. Bada was still in love with you, she was very much aware of it. As she walked to the sea of people, finding familiar faces that brought her comfort, she tried to hide the toll your presence was taking on her mood. You were the one who broke up with her after all, she could find the minimal amount of dignity left in her to look fine at least.
She couldn’t ignore you though. You worked together before and everyone knew you were close. You flashed her a dangerously frozen smile, large and perfect, the kind you had to rehearse for. On the outside it looked friendly and excited but behind your eyes was emptiness. She waved her hand back at you from the distance, faking excitement. Your partner must have known her because he waved too, eager to get to know Bada Lee, the dancer with all the spotlight on her at the moment. You dragged him somewhere else, away from her.
I think I’ve seen this film before
And I didn’t like the ending
You’re not my homeland anymore
So what am I defending now?
Bada knew she had no right to be jealous. Your relationship was over a long time ago. But the seed of hope buried in her heart gave birth to the thought of talking to you alone. You had broken up several times and made up the moment you stumbled upon each other again. Maybe this could be one of those times when you would realize you loved her more than your ego allowed you to.
The hardest part was finding out you were seated at the same table, across each other nonetheless. She was well aware that death stares at your partner would be obvious. So she looked at you instead. Elegant and delightful, you looked around carefully, making sure you greeted everyone around the table while maintaining your graceful posture. Bada’s stare softened, remembering seeing you after schedule, when you would throw away your high heels and devour the biggest portion of instant ramen she had at home. Carefree and natural, loud and dramatic, full of life. That’s how she knew you. And she knew that behind the meticulously planned behavior you displayed, you were still the same girl she fell for. But you weren’t together anymore.
Taking another sip of champagne, she quietly went backstage to change her outfit for the performance. She had to let go of these regretful thoughts that didn’t fit at all with her dance tonight. She had to be powerful and charming, deliver what the people liked. What you liked.
I can see you starin’, honey
Like he’s just your understudy
Like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me
You noticed Bada’s eyes were lost lingering on your figure. You were used to people staring at you, especially when you were the main attraction in an expensive outfit at the top of the guest list. But her eyes always unsettled you.
It wasn’t a surprise for you that she was here. After all you had friends working at W who generously updated you with the full guest list before the event. But by the time you found out she was going to be here too it was too late to talk to your manager and go without a partner. You had to promote your upcoming drama in every way possible. But you wished you could have been here alone in front of her.
You noticed, of course you noticed how she was staring at him, questions popping in her head. You knew her better than you knew yourself. And maybe that’s why you weren’t together anymore. Had it not been this time and place, she would have started messing the poor man up out of jealousy. But he had no fault. He was a young guy with a dream of making it big, having just landed the role of his life with you.
Second, third, and hundredth chance
Balancin’ on breaking branches
Those eyes add insult to injury
You looked back at her a couple of times across the table, trying to hide the hurricane of feelings in your chest. How many unresolved issues you had? You stopped counting long ago. Her eyes were cloudy and lost, at times it seemed like she was looking through you. She never tried hard enough to make it work, and loving each other like crazy was not enough to fix things. Or was it?
She seemed happy and excited to be here, you followed her at all times form under your lashes. You were proud of her for winning the competition, but any more than the simple congratulatory text you had sent her would have pushed you back in the same cycle. Breaking up and making up like none of you could make up their mind for good.
I think I’ve seen this film before
And I didn’t like the ending
I’m not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now?
Although you were at work, although all eyes were on you, although you haven’t spoken in months, although she never listened to your complaints, she was looking at you like you belonged to her. Like you betrayed her by showing up with someone else. You wished she would just look the other way so it would be easier for the both of you. Instead, you had to play this stupid game of looking like the total opposite of what you were feeling, deciphering each other’s body language and fake smiles, pushing through the shock of seeing each other in order to portray the role you had to play.
When she performed she was breathtaking like she always was to you. Her facial expressions, the way she would enjoy the song, play along with the audience, her flirty looks for the camera all of those things melted your heart once again, after months and months of trying to lock it up.
I think I’ve seen this film before
And I didn’t like the ending
You cheered for her. You had been supporting her all this time from afar anyway. But you could sense the shift in your heart and recognize the same pattern that always led to your making up. You swore to her on the night you broke up that it was the last time. You simply couldn’t work out. With every time you went back to each other your issues grew deeper and deeper the more you avoided talking about them.
You quietly excused yourself to the bathroom after the performance, a perfect moment to disappear unnoticed. You took a good look at yourself in the mirror. Perfect, without a single trace of the pain you felt inside.
So step right out, there is no amount
Of crying I can do for you
You had ran out of tears long ago. You only needed time to breathe, a break from the theatre play you had been performing tonight. You could go back makeup untouched, voice cheerful in any minute. Because you weren’t going to cry because of her.
I couldn’t turn things around
‘Cause you never gave a warning sign
Bada was taken over by the people requesting pictures and sharing impressions on their performance. She saw you watching, she was sure, but where did you disappear now? She never knew what you were up to, what you were truly feeling or thinking. You knew so well how to hide the ugly aspects of life that you hid from her too, even unintentionally. She couldn’t know you were in the bathroom almost crying because you never looked the least affected by her.
Your partner showed up in front of her, as he had been waiting in line to get the chance to exchange some words of admiration. Bada greeted him politely, like any other person. He seemed to know nothing of your history.
Now I’m in exile, seein’ you out
You appeared out of nowhere, grabbing him by the arm, apologizing once again for disappearing. As close as you were, the closest you had been the entire night, you felt like an invisible wall separated the two of you. It was your cue, your turn to tell her how amazing she was on the stage. Your lines were already thought and well aligned with the social script like always.
“I can’t wait to watch your new drama.” She took you by surprise, and you lost your composure for a moment. Your partner laughed and thanked her. You wanted to reach out and grab her hand run away right then.
Now I’m in exile, seein’ you out
But there was this wall between you, separating what you had been from what you were now.
“You’re as good at dance as I remember.” You chimed in, earning a shy smile from her as she looked to the ground, thanking you. That’s all you could do. “See you around, Bada.” You said, your voice taken over by the nostalgia you had been feeling the entire night. The words weighted heavier than you had planned in your head and you wondered whether it was a mistake.
“I’ll be around for sure.” She said. The other members of Bebe called for her to take a group picture. With awkward smiles and lingering eyes that yearned for each other you both turned around, tending to your own business.
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hi I just wanted to say your tags on the gaster poll posts are so correct yessss (always enjoy your takes just in general). thank you for being one of the seemingly very few people out there who also believes there's no way the timeline works for gaster and alphys to have been colleagues. however, him haunting her benevolently is something I'm 1000% here for <3 (also I hope your finals went well and you get to have a nice relaxing break!)
HII HELLO HI im glad you like them!!! knowing you read these motivates me to keep being Absolutely Very Normal About Him on the internet
personally it's less of a believing thing and more of a come on it's written right there thing, but since we're here.
behold! dingus timeline. (and the hottest of takes with freshly baked personal headcanons otherwise what am i doing)
Not a skeleton?
Isn't 201X too early?
Indeed, not a skeleton, but rather, some guy. Something about how monster's bodies are manifestations of their SOUL, and him oddly resembling a strange looking man does well to represent his insatiable curiosity and love for creating. (things humans are known for in a better light)
On the other hand, you will be pleased with how fascinated he is by "FLESHLINGS AND THEIR CALCIUM DEPOSITS".
And then they fucking died.
201X is the year the first human fell into the underground, and shortly after, the royal family has moved to New Home. This means some decent exploration of the cavern has already been made. Scientists could very well already have been working on optimizing life underground, with special attention to the large and ever growing new capital.
My idea? As this idiot has been aiding exploration with his antics, Gerson was the one to appoint him to Asgore. Something about his talent with turning garbage into non-garbage. With a little patience and getting familiar with his odd manerisms, it was not too long until he got to be the prince's weird godfather.
Cracking already?
And everyone was devastated, mainly the close family. Not only that, but amidst your mourning, the one couple responsible for your unrealistically high standards for romance just divorced. Is love even real anymore. You eat ants with your cereal and your work consists mainly of convenience improvements and absolutely nothing groundbreaking. What's the point of breaking that pesky barrier again? Child murder? Come on.
That's the Wingdings PATIENCE and BRAVERY encountered in their adventure. Dear god, you're lame. Aren't you some kind of genius? Get yourself together! And together he got his self, now, he has children to look after. Surely there must be some other way. He must stop coming up with new flavours for chips and find some other way.
... Dear god, the King is going to kill them.
BONES and DT
Listen. He's old. You got your wrinkles, he's got his cracking. What? You meant to point out some major event of injury must have been responsible for his current state of deformity? Well, he's old AND heartbroken. That's a direct blow to the SOUL, okay.
Jokes aside (kind of), doing any lasting damage to a monster is quite difficult given their magic forms can easily be healed through, well, magic. They can, however, eventually "fall" (wink wink) and dust away with age - which cannot, however, be fixed with magic.
With a little determination however ...
Something about the anomaly.
He found it, the other way. It was the bones all along, the so needed sustainance for channelling such a high concentration of that power. Well, not necessarily, but a boney structure will endure much more and last much longer than a meaty one. Also, it looks so cool.
You know this guy, he gets first dibs on any and all dubious substances that might or might not deal the last hit to the nail on his coffin dust urn(?). And when it all works out (dubious), he might as well play a little. What kind of things can he make? With the material properties of these calcified remains infused with his own magic, animated with determination.
Some new, powerful magic tricks?
A new kind of monster, maybe?
DARK, DARKER, YET DARKER.
There is a lot of interesting things one can do with isolated DT, aside from making bones rattle with life - for example, peeking onto the complex layers and ramifications of what composes reality. This is when the already kooky scientist grows a little mad; manic, if you will. This is the Wingdings sans was familiar with.
Time travel this, resets that, blah blah blah alpha timeline, the anomaly, the angel, the anomaly again, all things that only make sense to him and his illegible mess on the black board. The lack of detail is killing him, he needs to know what it is - what it does, why it does, how it does. Not to stop it, no, there is no stopping it.
Rather, an overwhelming need to understand it.
He falls somewhere in recent history, details of it left ambiguous. The shattering, combined with the amount of DT running in his magical... mathematical physiology, rendered all of his self but an espectator of his reality; confined to the code and unable to do anything but watch, powerless before the nature of his very being, like a corrupted program.
It is all rather frustrating, besides the burden that is coming to terms with simply not existing anymore, watching was pretty much all this research was and now ever will be. That is, until something interacts with him. It is different from the tragic prince, whom no matter how much DT he's accumulated, he is just as confined to this world's rules as other elements. Not this one, not the force from beyond. Not "YOU".
He makes it a mission to reach out, despite the limits of the code, to give away bits and pieces of him and see if you bite. But not too much, he's seen how you tend to exhaust a world for knowledge, something he can oddly sympathize with. I mean, what will you do once you find everything? One cannot fully know a person.
Maybe in another world, prophetized by a cute, little white dog. A much better world for everyone, without so much as war or disease, his greatest creation yet. And he could invite you to it, to experience bewilderment, to be reminded of wonder. If it could even help you, wherever you are, to deem your own world worth of partaking ... then the experiment was a success.
#artwork#inbox#freakbullet#gaster#wd gaster#undertale#deltarune#character design is my passion#not so much graphic design i suck at this#WIPES SWEAT#happy new year!! i've been writing this since christmas!!!!!#sorry if you have to squint at my handwriting its a big canvas#just zoom in#also sorry if my writing lacks extensive details if you were looking for any#im one for visual narrative#so i tried my best to convey everything in the simplest structure i could#and cut short a lot of specifics that are not relevant for a timeline dissection#things like complex feelings and worldbuilding related shenanigans#i will definitely cover these in the future perhaps in the form of comics#this just isnt the place#this is all you need to get a grasp on the character :pray:#there is a lot of proportion inconsistencies on post tragedy old man dont point them out#its just that i've redrawn him like thrice and i was like. you know what? it doesnt have to be perfect#he'll make a cameo when i post fallen humans art
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if you want to answer (and i totally understand if you dont), who do you think bombed the hospital in gaza? ive seen a lot of different people talking about it and blaming different people & organizations and you seem like you know a lot aboit i/p
IMPORTANT TO NOTE: i am not a news source. i am some guy with access to the internet. please follow the links in this post, as well as doing your own research. please do not use social media posts exclusively as your source of news, and please continuously read and compare several different accredited news sources. keep on top of new sources and evidence that are being put out to ensure that you have the most up-to-date information.
it's not really about who i think did it. i feel like that centers me in a thing that is very much not about me. but i'll give it my best shot.
we still do not have confirmation of how many were killed or who is at fault for the bombing. there are a lot of numbers and opinions floating around online, but as of 4pm on october 19th there has not been a consensus on either of these things from any accredited organizations.
that being said, here are the statements that have been put out as of the time i'm responding to this:
statements about death toll:
the gaza health ministry estimates between 200 and 471 dead
the director of al-shifa hospital where people were brought from al-ahli estimates 250 dead
an assessment from the us director of national intelligence estimates between 100 and 300
an analyst with the center for naval analysis, after viewing photos and video, said the death toll was closer to 50
statements about fault:
(taking these directly from the article)
J Andres Gannon, an assistant professor at Vanderbilt University, in the US, says the ground explosions appeared to be small, meaning that the heat generated from the impact may have been caused by leftover rocket fuel rather than an explosion from a warhead.
Justin Bronk, senior research fellow at the UK-based Royal United Services Institute, agrees. While it is difficult to be sure at such an early stage, he says, the evidence looks like the explosion was caused by a failed rocket section hitting the car park and causing a fuel and propellant fire.
Mr Gannon says it is not possible to determine whether the projectile struck its intended target from the footage he has seen. He adds that the flashes in the sky likely indicate the projectile was a rocket with an engine that overheated and stopped working.
Valeria Scuto, lead Middle East analyst at Sibylline, a risk assessment company, notes that Israel has the capacity to carry out other forms of air strike by drone, where they might use Hellfire missiles. These missiles generate a significant amount of heat but would not necessarily leave a large crater. But she says uncorroborated footage shows a pattern of fires at the hospital site that was not consistent with this explanation.
Visual evidence from the blast site
The BBC was able to match details of buildings and the layout of the Al-Ahli hospital site with publicly available satellite imagery, to establish the hospital was the scene of the blast.
Based on available evidence, it appears the explosion happened in a courtyard which is part of the hospital site. Images of the ground after the blast do not show significant damage to surrounding hospital buildings. What the images do show are scorch marks and burnt-out cars.
where the explosive came from
so far, israel, hamas, and palestinian islamic jihad have all denied responsibility
channel 4 news reported that palestinian islamic jihad had uncovered a warhead but they have not produced it
in a since-deleted tweet, hananya naftali, a social media advisor for netanyahu, claimed that it was an israeli airstrike that hit the hospital. he followed up by stating that he had shared incorrect information based on a reuters headline that refered to an israeli airstrike
tentative conclusion based on sources:
what i gather from what i've read is that the blast was likely caused by a misfired rocket originating somewhere in gaza, and the blast was exacerbated by the fuel in the rocket. BUT, as i stated before, new information is always being put out. there could be evidence released tomorrow that it was an israeli air strike. there has been no conclusive evidence yet.
and perhaps the most important section:
what you can actually do to help
if you are in the us, call your representatives and urge them to support the resolution for a ceasefire
check out this list of verified aid groups (if there is not a ceasefire as soon as possible, it won't matter what aid is sent to them and if they cannot get the supplies into gaza, so refer back to the first bulletpoint)
send a donation to your local synagogue(s) and mosque(s) to help them offset the rising costs of security
take a moment to be a human. don't think about the numbers. don't think about the politics. think about the human beings who lost their lives, and the people who are mourning them. the mothers who will never see their children again, the children who will grow up without parents. what did they have for breakfast? what was their favorite song? when was their birthday? were they afraid? were they in pain? what can we do to ensure this does not happen again?
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every once in a while i like to poke my head into "anti [x]" tags just to see what the other side thinks. recently i was looking through "anti ao3" and found a really funny post claiming that ao3 is not anticapitalist, but actually the Definition Of Capitalism, bc it relies on volunteer labor while supposedly having the money to pay a staff.
oh, honey.
but i am not going to make unsubstantiated claims on the internet, no, and this gives me an excuse to look at ao3's whole budget myself, which i've been meaning to do for a while. these numbers are taken from the 2022 budget post and budget spreadsheet.
ao3's total income for 2022, from the two donation drives, regular donations, donation matching programs, interest, and royalties was $1,012,543.42. less than $300 of that was from interest and royalties, so it's almost all donations. and that's a lot, right? surely an organization making a million dollars a year can afford to pay some staff, right?
well, let's look at expenses. first of all, they lose almost $37,000 to transaction fees right away. ao3 and fanlore (~$341k and ~$18k, respectively) take up the biggest chunks of the budget by far. that money pays for, to quote the 2022 budget post, "server expenses—both new purchases and ongoing colocation and maintenance—website performance monitoring tools, and various systems-related licenses."
in some years, otw also pays external contractors to perform audits for security issues, and for more servers to handle the growing userbase. servers are expensive as hell, guys. in 2022, new server costs alone were $203k.
each of their other programs only cost around $3,000 or less, and otw paid around $78k for fundraising and development. wait, how do you lose so much money on your fundraising?? from the 2022 budget post: "Our fundraising and development expenses consist of transaction fees charged by our third-party payment processors for each donation, thank-you gift purchases and shipping, and the tools used to host the OTW’s membership database and track communications with donors and potential donors."
then the otw paid an additional $74k in administration expenses, which covers "hosting for our website, trademarks, domains, insurance, tax filing, and annual financial statement audits, as well as communication, management, and accounting tools."
in case you weren't following all of that math, the total expenses for 2022 come out to $518,978.48. woah! that's a lot! but it's still only a little over half of their net revenue. weird. i wonder what they do with that extra $494k?
well, $400k of it goes to the reserves, which i'll get to in a second. the last $93k, near as i can tell, gets rolled over to the next year. i'll admit this part i'm a little unsure about, as it's not clear on the spreadsheet, but that's the only thing that makes sense.
the reserves, though are clear. the most recent post i could find on the otw site about it were in the board meeting minutes from april 2, 2022: "We’re holding about $1million in operating cash that is about twice the amount of our annual operating costs. There is another $1million in reserves due to highly successful fundraisers in the past. The current plan for the reserves is to hold the money for paid staff in the future. It’s been talked about before in the past and we’re still working out the details, but it’s a rather expensive undertaking that will result in large annual expenses in addition to the initial cost of implementation."
woah....they're PLANNING to have paid staff eventually! wild!
so let's assume, for easy numbers, that the otw currently has $1.5 million in reserves. before we even get to how to use that money, let's look at the issues with implementing paid staff:
deciding which positions are going to be paid, because it can't be all of them
deciding how much to pay them, bc minimum wage sure as hell isn't enough, and cost of living is different everywhere, and volunteers come from all over the world
hiring staff and implementing new systems/tools to handle things like payroll and accounting
making sure you continue to earn enough money both to pay all of the staff and have some in reserves for emergencies or leaner donation drives
probably even more stuff than that! i don't run a nonprofit, that's just what i can think of off the top of my head.
okay, okay, okay. for the sake of argument, let's assume there is a best-case scenario where the otw starts paying some staff tomorrow. how much should they be paid? i'm picking $15 an hour, since that's what we fought for the minimum wage to be. by now, it should be closer to $20 or $25, but i'm trying to give "ao3 is capitalism" the fairest shot it can get here, okay?
ideally, if someone is being paid to help run ao3, they shouldn't need a second job. every job should pay enough to live off of. and running a nonprofit is hard work that leads to a lot of burnout--two board members JUST resigned before their terms were up. what i'm saying is, i'm going to assume a paid otw staff is getting paid for 40 hours of work a week, minimum. that's $31,200.
at $400,000 per year, the otw can afford to pay 12 people. that's WITHOUT taking into account the new systems, tools, software, etc they would have to pay for, any kind of fees, etc, etc.
oh, and btw, if you're an american you're still making barely enough to survive in most places, AND you don't have universal healthcare, vision, or dental. want otw to give people insurance, too? the number of people they can pay goes down.
it's. not. possible.
a million dollars is a lot of money on the face of it, but once you realize how MUCH goes into running something like the otw, it goes away fast.
just for reference, wikipedia also has donation drives every year. wikipedia, as of 2021, has $86.8 million in cash reserves and $137.4 million in investments. sure, wikipedia and ao3 are very different entities, but that disparity is massive. and i should note that if you give $10 to wikipedia they don't give you voting rights, i'm just saying.
by the way, you may have noticed that i didn't mention legal costs at all here. isn't one of otw's big Things about how they do legal advocacy?
yes, it is. they have a whole page about that work. and i can't for the life of me find a source on otw's website (and i'm running out of time to write this post, i'll look harder later), but i am 90% sure i learned before that most, if not all, of otw's legal work/advice/etc is done pro bono. i've also seen an anti-ao3 person claim their legal budget is only $5k or so, but they didn't have a source. but keep in mind that if they don't have a legal budget, all the numbers above stay the same, and if they do, there is even less money available for paid staff.
you can criticize ao3 and the otw all you want! there are many valid reasons to criticize them, and i do not think they're perfect either. but if you're going to do so, you should at least make sure you can back up your claims, bc otherwise you just look silly.
#ao3#otw#anti ao3#bc i want them to see this#otw board#ao3 discourse#ao3 donations#wren wrambles#that post was so unserious i died#if it was more recent (its from mid-july) i wouldve replied directly maybe#but i didnt want to drag the body of a 6-note post into the light OR attack the op directly so#also! if i misunderstood something pls let me know im doing my best
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I know by now Bad Webcomics Wiki is not a good resource for adequate webcomic criticism, but their Sabrina Online review kind of irked me. It's pretty clear from the get go they don't respect people calling themselves furries, and the review reflects that, with maybe a few minor criticisms of the comic itself. Also, they have a problem with it being Looney Tunes-influenced while having adult situations. You can make a comic with anthropomorphic characters and have them in mature situations, a good example is the noir graphic novel Blacksad. They shouldn't be reviewing a comic like this if they can't be objective about it. Whether you're a furry or not, that's not fair. Or am I just oblivious to the comics shortcomings?
I'm pretty sure at least half of BWW reviews are done by people who have never read the comic they're reviewing. It's a big part of why they all open with some variant of "Downfall: It always sucked" as their One Joke.
As is the case on their Sabrina Online review. Which also makes fun of Sabrina Online calling attention to itself being one of the first-ever webcomics while also calling it "derivative" without doing much of anything to explain that contradiction. Like, they mean "derivative" of Looney Tunes but....Looney Tunes is rather famously slapstick jokes and not sitcom slice-of-life?
And, like, if your whole thesis is that a webcomic from September 1996 is derivative of Looney Tunes because it's a mildly sexy take on the funny animal genre and you're not mentioning the hot new Looney Tune of 1996
I mean, there's a certain level of intellectual laziness that kind of discredits your review writ large, you know?
Similarly, their complaints about the small size of the images does not acknowledge the state of internet technology in 1996, there's just a supreme lack of effort to put the comic into any kind of historical context in the service of any kind of point. "Well, they should have changed it as technology improved". They did!
Eric Schwartz is actually making the pictures not only in color, but in a normal-sized format as well rather than teeny-tiny as previously. Don't ask why.
It might be worth asking why, BWW, especially when the answers are obvious.
#Sabrina Online#Bad Webcomics Wiki#Honestly Minerva Mink might have been more influential than Lola Bunny#But Minerva Mink isn't nearly as well-known
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Statistical Outliers
Part 2 of drabble. In the middle of a few things so I figured here's a bit more in the meantime.
“Vox, I want it.”
Truth be told, he hadn’t been expecting to hear from Velvette for a minute. He had only just proposed that she could promote his newest and latest set of gaming headphones, which now come equipped with specialized noise cancelation. Specialized for canceling out radio static, of course. Anyways, Velvette had turned him down flat, saying the design wasn’t ‘on brand’ for her. What the hell was her brand if not part of his?
So, her storming in with demands was not on his bingo card.
“Fascinating.” He sipped a bit more of his coffee. Too much sugar, not enough cream. Memo to himself, throw the coffee boy off the tower later if this conversation gets him too worked up.
“Vox!” Velvette slammed her hand down on his console, a move very few ever dared. Too many things could go wrong if damaged, and he couldn’t afford a Val sized tantrum in this room of all places. Coming from Vel, this was even weirder. Weird didn’t replace anger though, so he forced himself to police in his emotions.
“Yes?” He said, pulling his grin across his screen as far as he could. It made him look more friendly, he reminded himself, and not like his shark friends currently swimming about agitated.
He didn’t get to see her reaction. Instead, she brought her phone straight to his face. It was a picture from an article, written about the newly reconstructed hotel and whatnot. The smiley freak was there somehow. Vox still didn’t know how he managed to survive being sliced down the middle. The picture distorted something awful around his face and figure.
He glanced up at Velvette, tugging her phone down just a tad, enough to look her in the eyes.
“What am I looking at?” He asked, slightly confused and more irritated the longer his conversation went on. He kept smiling.
She took her phone back, zoomed in on a particular part of the picture, then put it back in his face.
“This thing, I want it.” She pointed a long, painted nail at it, as if he couldn’t make it out from the extreme zoom she pulled.
He still didn’t get it.
She tapped at a picture of one of the new residents of Alastor’s failing project, someone of no consequence that he’s never heard of. He prides himself on his knowledgebase. The internet was literally accessible from his head. He knew just about everything about anybody: their likes, their dislikes, the numbers of all their friends, accounts they had, jobs they applied for, who owned whose soul, the works. This one? A literal nobody. A ghost, if you will. What little he had on him was from surveillance tapes, showing him driving around a fancy car. Aside from that, he apparently moved into the hotel. That’s it. That’s literally all there was to him.
He just raised a brow to her, giving her that look that tells her she has to explain more than she would in a text message. She rolled her eyes, but she went on.
“It’s adorable, and I want it.”
Again, another moment he was reminded of Velvette’s age.
An adult, but not quite an adult.
Adorable? Vox didn’t really think he was an authority on adorable. He was a good judge on other things, things he prided himself on. Sexy, sure. Suggestive, why not? Beautiful, naturally.
But adorable?
The kid (he’s about ninety percent sure he was a kid) was some kind of fox. His ears were far too big for his small body, which already made him look like a mouse. His eyes were a little too large for his head. And he had a bushy tail. Well, he looked kinda fluffy everywhere. But this is Hell. Every other person was fuzzy in some way. Angel dust was a spider for crying out loud, and he was covered in fluff.
He didn’t get it. Though, that didn’t mean he couldn’t take advantage of it.
“Well, certainly, Velvette! Whatever you want…though, from what I understand, he’s holed up in-”
“I don’t care. I’ll do the stupid commercial for those headset things, but I want this first.”
Oh, well, right to the point then. Another thing he liked about Velvette, she was direct about everything. And with that said, she stormed right out like the hurricane she came in as. Honest, he has no idea what she planned to do with the kid once she had him. Turn him into a fur coat, maybe? He didn’t really care, not so long as half of Hell can’t even hear the radio bastard anymore.
A quick tap into the mainframe had his eyes peering out the camera of one of his drones. Fixated on the hotel, he picked up on a bit of conversation. It was the usual bullshit, the princess spouting off whatever silly plan she had in mind to push the rest of them towards being ‘better’. Since when was writing heartfelt letters to someone next you considered in heavenly entry?
The kid wasn’t in view, which wasn’t surprising. Despite being probably the youngest of this group, he certainly worked the longest hours. Kudos to him, Vox supposes. He knows the hours of shooting Val puts Angel through, and the kid still seems to hold the record for longest day. And if there is anything he can get behind, it’s a strong work ethic. Or maybe he sold his soul to an insomniac. Either is possible.
Just as he considered jumping through other cameras, to see if he was taking his usual route, the car rolled up to the hotel. The kid all but leapt outside, skipping his way up to everyone.
“Charlie! Charlie!” He had a high voice, like he’d not yet gone through puberty. It sounded like a language version of the triangle, constant tinging.
He was vibrating with delight, jumping in place as the rest of the hotel looked on, confused.
“I’m officially on vacation!” He chirped, explaining before anyone even posed the question. “My boss went down to Gluttony for a week, so I’ve got the time off!”
At that, the princess was beaming. She started talking so fast and so pitched that he hardly caught anything past the idea of doing a full ‘activities’ week. He can only assume it was all more half measures towards getting these dogs some manners.
“Oh! I know just how to start!” Of all people, Lucifer chimed in. If his drone flew a little more skewed, it wasn’t because of nerves. “I’ll make pancakes!”
Oh, right. The king of hell was just as much of a pansy as his daughter. He keeps forgetting that. Mostly on account of how obscenely powerful he still was.
“Hm, all that bragging about cuisine, and all you ever seem to make are dull, tasteless breaded monstrosities.” His voice made the camera twitch unnaturally. The audio sounded distorted, like the microphone had been fried. A random pop almost made him jump from his chair.
Alastor’s smile was as annoying as ever, even when he can hardly see it through the distortion. Vox could feel his fingers digging into his panel without even thinking of it. In fact, he was only aware he was doing it because the sparks flying off his fingers got some feedback from its circuits.
Apparently, he wasn’t the only one to find the radio creep unbearable, because Lucifer was none too happy about that little comment.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Who asked the cannibal? I keep forgetting you’re only into greasy finger food.”
Vox snorted into his hand as Alastor’s hair bristled in annoyance. Would he prefer it if he was the one who caused him to get his hackles up? Sure, but he was never going to pass up an opportunity to laugh at his expense. Knowing Alastor, the unintentional dig at his mother’s jambalaya hurt way more than the insult to his weird cannibal diet.
His smile became more strained, like he wanted to gnaw Lucifer’s throat out, but before he got tempted, the kid pepped up.
“H-how about we bake something instead?” Ears folded flat against his head, the kid turned towards Angel. “Didn’t you say you wanted to make brownies?”
Angel, as Vox knew, wasn’t thinking about the same kind of brownies that the kid was. And Angel seemed to realize this because he immediately jumped into damage control mode, all four arms waving about like he didn’t know what to do with any of them.
“I, um, yeah! Sure! Brownies! That sounds great! Just…normal brownies.”
The angel girl shot him a glare, one that Charlie politely tried to redirect.
Oh, this could’ve been its own reality show. He can see what entertainment Alastor gets out of it, even if the investment isn’t worth the payoff.
“We’re going to need to go to the store then.” Alastor’s cat pointed out. Oddly, he wasn’t holding a bottle in his hand. Usually, he was one foot in the gutter by this time of the day. “The kitchen’s been wiped out.”
“Wiped out? How?” Charlie’s girlfriend hissed.
“Bugs.” Alastor’s other pet, the creepy girl, lifted a metal stick. On it, clusters of bugs dangled, legs still twitching. Val had mentioned meeting her in a club one time. That was the same day he noticed there was a bald spot around Val’s collar.
…yeah, no need to explain why the smiley freak keeps that one around.
“That’s okay! I’ll just run down to the store and grab some groceries.” The kid added quickly, before anyone could comment on the pyre of insects currently dying a slow and painful death.
To his own interest, no one offered to go with him. No one offered to go instead of him. A quick rewind of surveillance told him that the kid was usually the one grabbing groceries on his way back from work. It was routine. The only added thing was Charlie handing over a, frankly, stupid amount of money for food. The kid quickly corrected it to an approximate amount and handed the rest back. A smart move, he supposed. People don’t rob people without money.
Of course, that assumes people would want the money, and obviously Vox wasn’t interested in pocket change.
With a flick of his hand, he brought up his secretary. She blinked as she looked up from her pad to her computer screen, quickly reworking the fins making up her hair. She was always dressed a little too much like she worked for Val, but she was good at her job and he’s yet to find a replacement. So, for now, she stays.
“Yes, Mr. Vox?” She asked, popping her lips up into a heart shaped smile.
He snapped up an image of the kid on her screen, taken from his recent watch in.
“I need you to pick this thing up for me. He’s heading to the grocers on the corner of Scarlet Drive and Butcher’s row.” He said, noting as the kid was looking for a place to park. The cameras in that part of town were much more numerous. Without Mr. Smiley making everything go haywire, he had a much better view of Velvette’s new toy.
“…any special instructions, sir?” She asked, accentuating her neck.
“Yeah, make sure he arrives without a scratch on him. I don’t deal with damaged goods.”
With that, he hung up. Back to business as usual.
It played on in the background of talk shows and newscasts. He was never truly unplugged from everything. That didn’t mean he saw everything all the time, mind you. He did, you know, have a life. But if he wanted his attention elsewhere, he could always jump to something else in the digital network. Case and point, while he was in the middle of discussing the upcoming acid rainstorm, he caught eye of some of his men grabbing the kid.
It wasn’t much of a struggle. He was probably lighter than the groceries he was carrying. He hardly had time to utter a cry before he was pushed inside the car and driven off towards Vee tower. The car was just as automated as the rest of his devices. He’s never tried it, but he’d pretty sure he could drive it if he wanted to. Not that he did because, really, who had time for that? He did notice though that once the kid was shoved in the center seat, and held by the arms on either side, he didn’t protest. His ears were pinned to his head, so it was obvious he was scared shitless. His tail was curled tight between his legs, but his eyes were trained forward, like he was preparing to charge headfirst into a train.
This probably wasn’t the first time he’s been kidnapped. Not really too surprising, considering just how weak he was. It was just interesting to see him immediately know that fighting was never going to get him out of this situation. So, he wasn’t entirely dumb, at least.
Huh, this might just be interesting after all.
He finished with his broadcast, cutting to commercial before one of the pre-recorded segments went to play. He had just enough time to grab a coffee before meeting his men over in his lobby, the one meant for employees only.
He scrolled through his feed, pushing numbers, trying to see when and how would be the best way to appeal to the masses for those new headsets of his. Hey, just because he could hypnotize them all, doesn’t mean he has to. Many of them would just sucker themselves into buying it, especially if all the rest of their friends had a pair. That was a different kind of hypnotism altogether.
Two flunkies in dark suits dipped their heads when he walked in, brutes he doesn’t remember the names of nor would bother to. He looked down from his phone only for a moment, enough to register the shock on the kid’s face as he looked up. He expected him to be afraid. No doubt Alastor would’ve been ruining his (not so) good name at the hotel. Or, if not him, then he imagines Angel didn’t have much good to say either. Not that he paid much attention to Val’s employees. Honestly, the only reason he had to deal with or hear about Angel was because Valentino literally wouldn’t stop making him a problem. And, as said, Valentino’s problems always end up Vox’s problems.
Here's the thing, the kid looked afraid still, but there was something else there as well. Something he didn’t quite make out.
He flicked his finger, and his guards dropped him down. Surprisingly, the kid didn’t try to make a run for it. He glanced around, but probably quickly decided that, yeah, there’s was no easy path out. He looked back up at Vox, waiting for him to say something he supposed. Why should he though? He doesn’t owe him anything. This was all just a means to an end, and he didn’t have time for anything else.
“I take it you’re the smart type.” His attention went back to his phone, but he could tell the kid was waiting with bated breath. “Then you’ll know to shut up and do as your told and you probably won’t end up dead.”
‘Probably’, heh, he was lying to himself now.
The kid’s eyes watered, suddenly finding something interesting about the floor. Hm, didn’t want to cry, huh? Well, Vox would bet Velvette breaks him in less than a day. Insecurity reads to her like blood does to his sharks. There will be carnage later.
Vox walked towards the elevator. The kid didn’t automatically follow behind his coat tails. That was strike one. A jolt sparked as annoyance hit him. He snapped his fingers together and pointed down by his side. If he was going to give Velvette a gift, it was just the manners in him demanding he gave it in person, one of the few carryovers from his living days.
“Here. Now.” He demanded, teeth still clenched.
That seemed like more than enough encouragement. Tail tucked between his legs, he slowly joined Vox in the elevator. With a twinge of electricity, the lift began to rise. The kid, comically, almost fell off the edge. The lack of walls around the perimeter of the circle really got to him. So much so he actually moved closer to Vox, rather than be anywhere near the edge. Amusing. It would’ve been funnier if it wasn’t so pathetic.
There was the usual ting when they arrived at Velvette’s floor, and the doors opened to the usual chaos. Models and designers running around everywhere, most of them with sweat beading down their faces as their boss literally ripped a dress in two in front of one unfortunate stylist.
“Is there not a single one of you who doesn’t have shit for brains?” She roared, tossing the fabric mess into a garbage bin as the designer nearly passed out right there. “Who’s the moron who thought that pink polka dots were ‘in’ this season?”
“Oh, Velvette!” Vox stepped out, and people got out of his way. One overlord was already one too many for these people. Though, he noted, there did seem to be an unusual amount of relief when they saw him. No doubt they thought he’d rein her in like he usually did whenever she or Val went too far off the rails. Jokes on them, he was only here to drop off his end of the bargain and go over the commercial.
She turned and looked at him over her shoulder. To say she was in a ‘bad mood’ would’ve been polite considering the purse of her lips and the blood she was currently wiping off her hands. Her attention was half on him, and half stuck to her phone.
“What the fuck you want?”
The kid had snuck up behind him, too small and insignificant to be seen from outside his shadow. The staff that did see him twisted a bit in uncertainty. Vox curled a hand behind him and shoved him forward.
“Why, just bringing you a little present! Thought it would brighten up your day!”
Everyone in the room waited for a reaction. Many of those running about slowed or outright stopped what they were doing to watch what would happen next. Velvette herself blinked as she put down her phone.
Even more surprising, the kid gulped, took a breath, and brought a hand up in a nervous wave.
“Um, h-h-hello.”
Without the warping that just naturally came from any recording, the kid sounded younger somehow. His voice was clearer, but still meek. His ears flicked forward, twitching with tension, but trying to look friendly.
Well, he could read a room. He’ll give him that.
Velvette made an unholy sound. The shriek bounced in his servos like someone was banging a pot over his head. The vibration caused his face to glitch out and, by consequence, cause the whole fucking tower to blink like broken Christmas lights. He’s pretty sure the glass cracked in places, and the employees were bleeding out their ears. The kid had grabbed his own in a vice grip.
She finally stopped, moving with incredible speed and scooping the kid up like he weighs less than nothing. She started swinging him around like he was a new puppy, bad mood entirely forgotten.
“Oh my god, he’s adorable! Even better than the video!” She ruffled through his fur, tugging lightly on his big ears, before finally putting him back on the ground…only to tug Vox down and give him a quick hug around the neck. “Vee, you’re the very best!”
He forgot for a second that he didn’t just do it for her, because it had honestly been a while since she’s been so openly and nicely affectionate with him. It took him a second to reboot.
“Yes, I know.” He said, jumping right back into it. “Hold the applause for now though. So, have you had a chance to look over the design I sent you?”
She snapped up her phone and flicked something into the data cloud.
“I fixed it up, made it more appealing. Take a look.”
He downloaded it. She altered a few cosmetic things about it. The standard design didn’t change much but…
“Um, why did you make a version with ears on it?” Half of the denizens of hell had ears, many of them bigger than these ones. True, the techno aspect to them he can get behind. Speakers and glowing lights were added to the frame, making it cooler in dimmer light. But why ears?
“Because they’re cute. And cute is ‘in’ right now.” She stated, manner of fact, before turning her attention back to her new toy.
Well, okay. He could work with this. It wasn’t entirely off brand for his more technical projects. As long as it was kept modern looking, he could look past the ‘cute’ part of it. While he’s been mulling that over, Velvette has scooped up her new prize like she just won him from a carnival game. A million and one selfies later, she turned her attention to the kid’s wardrobe.
“While the 90s are making a comeback right now, we’ve got to do something about…all of this.” She picked at his shirt like it might give her lice. “Also, a collar.”
“B-but I’m not-” He started.
Vox cleared his throat, giving the kid a warning grin.
“What did I say about the talking thing again?” He teased.
The kids sighed but, promptly, shut up.
“I’ll have the testing design ready for you tonight.” He mentioned to Velvette. He would have it sooner, but now he had to install extra lights and speakers on fake ears.
“Good, I’ll start teasing about the new product. We’ll run the commercial after I’ve ‘leaked’ it.”
And as they both knew, the commercial was a Vox problem, not a Velvette problem.
“I’ll leave you to it then!”
Good. All’s well that ends well, he guesses.
As he went to the lift, he caught one last look from the kid. There was that expression again, the one he didn’t quite understand. It almost lingered on him, even as the door closed. In the last second before Vox was left to his own devices once more, he saw the kid opening his mouth like he was about to call out after him. He didn’t though. And the doors to the lift snapped shut.
Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Part 10
#hazbin hotel#hazbin vox#hazbin hotel vox#vox#hazbin hotel oc#hazbin hotel fic#hazbin hotel ficlet#hazbin hotel fanfic#drabble#hazbin hotel velvette#hazbin velvette#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel lucifer#Alastor
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DFF is such great show and I enjoy the portrayal of the characters and the plot. Although I am not much into JinPhee ship (even though their scene was hot) - meaning I won't actively search fics of them;-D. But I absolutely don't understand the hate this ship gets. Or Jin character gets? Like, did I miss something? Why there is so much hate towards this pairing? I don't get it. Or do they dislike Jin character so much?
So I think there are 3 main reasons that people hate PheeJin and specifically Jin as much as they do, and I'll see if I can explain it coherently below lmao
First is cultural differences.
I've noticed that by and large a lot of the hatred directed at Jin comes from international fans being extremely harsh, and I think it's partially because they don't understand some of the nuance of Thai culture. Which to be fair, why would they?
One aspect is that they get angry that Jin lied to the police without taking into account that the police are corrupt - both in the narrative and also in Thailand in general.
Another is they get mad at Jin for recording Non - which to be fair, really does suck lmao. But they make it about Jin recording Non instead of reporting the assault happening, without taking into consideration that the age of consent in Thailand is 15, which means that what happened with Non and Keng isn't technically statuatory rape. Still bad and awful and Non was coerced and assaulted, don't get me wrong - but that makes it slightly less clear cut IMO when it comes to the question of Jin seeing Non "cheating."
You can even see within the show that the reactions to that video are by and large slut-shaming and not "omg that kid was assaulted."
So to recap: Taking the video = bad. But I think people get a bit too self-righteous about the reasons why Jin took it.
Second is purity/cancel culture.
I'm sure it hasn't escaped your notice that in the internet age, if you make one mistake you're a terrible, irredeemable person and should be canceled forever. I think that's playing a part in this. All of the characters make mistakes, and because of that they're all irredeemable pieces of shit who deserve to die. Except for Non who is just a victim and has never done anything wrong (sarcasm).
In seriousness, I think that's part of it. And the fact that Non is SO sympathetic it kind of overrides people's sympathies for the other characters. I'm not 100% sure why people hate Jin the most out of everyone else considering he's the one who has tried to help Non the most out of the friend group... I guess they just have higher standards for people who try to help? Idk. Either way it seems to me that they expect Jin to be a perfectly-well-adjusted little hero who always does what's right and never makes mistakes. Instead of what he really is: a kid.
And last is fan favorites/shipping.
A big part of the reason that PheeJin shippers are getting so much hate is because TaCode shippers and PheeNon shippers have decided their ship is The Ship of the series, and think that Phee is just using Jin for revenge and anyone who genuinely ships PJ is fucked up, etc.
It's just ship war bullshit waged by largely Barcode stans, but it's certainly tiresome.
To be clear, I have nothing against PheeNon. I am of the opinion that Phee and Non were a cute high school romance that wouldn't have lasted because they had conflicting styles of showing affection and love (I'll write a post about it someday lol) but that doesn't mean I hate the ship. I thought they were very cute and it was fun to see TaCode on screen since I wrote MacauChay in my KPTS days ahahaha I just like the spice and fire of PheeJin better, and Jin is my favorite character.
I just wish that PheeNon shippers would live and let live instead of acting like they're waging some moral war. They were even crying in BOC's comment section on IG today after they posted the PheeJin poster for episode 9 saying "nooooo Phee is there for revenge he can't really have feelings for Jin!" It's exhausting... 🫠
General disclaimer: if you don't like Jin or like PheeNon better I'm not saying any of the above things applies to you. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, I'm just dissecting some of the over-the-top hate I've seen/experienced in fandom spaces lately.
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Selen Tatsuki and the Dangers of Corporate Mismanagement
Before the announcement, the community was divided into two groups.
One side consisted of Dragoons (Selen's fanbase) and other pro-Selen fans who just wanted to have any update on Selen's status regardless of what the outcome may be, campaigning #WhereIsSelen across Twitter/X.
The other side consisted of anti-NijiEN fans who would holler about Nijisanji EN and ANYCOLOR being a black company that treats their talents like shit and only cares about their own greed and reputation.
These two sides would argue about the speculation behind Selen's weeks of disappearance following the removal of the "Last Cup of Coffee" cover song by NijiEN management.
Then, on February 5th 2024, the dreaded white document was posted... and the internet exploded in rage.
Link to the full document here.
We could go through all the different warning signs and the timeline of events that led to this announcement, but I guarantee other people on the internet have that covered. If you decided to read this rant, I'm 90% sure it's because you've heard about Selen Tatsuki's controversial termination from other sources.
Instead, I want to reflect on Selen's situation in a corporate company and how that affected her mental health... citing some of my own personal experiences as well.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional or a professional of anything. I'm a random succubus on the internet with an opinion and experience, so take it however you wish. This is just reflection and personal speculation.
TW: mentions of harassment, depression, and thoughts of suicide. Reader discretion is advised.
My Background
I am a vtuber (or rather, PNGtuber), but not a corporate vtuber. However, I work for a corporate company in my IRL job in a 9-to-5 office setting. I started as an intern, came back to work with them after graduating university, got laid off after 6 months because of interest rates and over-hiring, and was brought back 2 months later in a different role to help them with demand.
Despite not working for a corporate vtuber company, I think it can be agreed upon that corporate is corporate no matter the industry, at least at the very core of their operations. Corporations are just large companies at the end of the day.
The reason I wanted to make this post is that, from one corporate worker to another, I 100% understand why Selen did what she did and feel that I am still facing a similar situation.
I may not have been a Dragoon, but I have always admired how she interacted with her community and created so many fun events for everyone to enjoy. Even though she wasn't my Oshi, I was deeply concerned about Selen's well-being.
And while I believed you couldn't trust Nijisanji EN any further than you could throw them, I was waiting to see how it would turn out. Because there was no way Selen, one of the Vtuber community's most beloved gamers and content creators, would stay missing in action forever. It wouldn't be long before Nijisanji EN would make their move.
Selen's Termination
Again, here's the link to the white document that set the internet ablaze.
I want to make one slightly controversial take here before we break it down... what Selen did is within grounds for termination.
Listen! Before the pitchforks are brought out, I'm not saying that Nijisanji EN should have fired Selen the way they did. There was sooo much they could have done to avoid this outcome that they clearly neglected to consider. But knowing how corporate jobs operate, or honestly, how any job or role operates, Selen clearly failed to follow Nijisanji protocol. She essentially went rogue.
We won't be analyzing the document word for word. Please read the full termination announcement by Nijisanji EN if you haven't already.
Instead, we're going to be analyzing key parts of the termination announcement by Nijisanji EN that I feel need further discussion.
Selen's Permissions
One thing I've noticed many people confused about is why Nijisanji EN removed the Last Cup of Coffee cover when there is evidence of Selen having permission long before posting it.
Selen "Last Cup of Coffee" After Party Stream clip, from FalseEyeD's video
LilyPichu's tweet confirming Selen had permission since August 2022
Artist who worked with Selen, Madi/@weeniedesu, shares how Selen paid her back personally when Nijisanji EN never got around to it
Selen got permissions from the creator and producer of the song. She got permissions from the artists that she commissioned. She took care of anything that could have been copyrighted, so why is Nijisanji saying she didn't check all the boxes for approval?
There's only one possibility. She never got approval from management.
Because if you work for a corporate company, you need to get approval from supervisors before ANYTHING goes out. Large companies have a reputation to keep, and if something goes out without supervisors getting a chance to review it... it could be bad shit. Maybe it's information that isn't supposed to be leaked; maybe it's an offensive joke; maybe it's as simple as a typo. The list goes on.
However, if their management is as awful as we think it is, I doubt Nijisanji EN even follows their own protocol.
The process of getting checks and approvals from other parties is always going to be longer than doing everything yourself. With good management, this is usually not a problem. But with bad management... this is a nightmare.
Personal Story Time!
When I came back from being laid off, I had new job requirements, a new role, and a new supervisor. As a person, I actually like my supervisor. She is very creative, knows what steps need to be taken for the company, and we have similar attitudes and humor. Unfortunately, this does not translate to how she manages a team.
My main issue with my manager is that she does not take the time or show interest in my work. She runs around like she's a chicken with her head cut off, will bury herself in her office and demand team members not interrupt her physically or virtually unless it's urgent, and will only speak to you if she needs something from you without really checking in on you.
Forgive me, for I am still young, but growing up, I was always under the impression that it was a supervisor's job to check in on their team and set them up for success. With this environment that I still find myself in, I'll be honest... I don't really feel supported at all.
I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around my supervisor and can only contact her whenever a 5-minute happy hour presents itself. I have work that needs to be done within a day, sometimes a week for bigger projects, but I struggle to get my supervisor's attention because my work is less crucial than that of some of my teammates. I often feel like the only way to get attention for the work I need to do is if I kick down the door and shove a printed copy in her face. Even so, that very rarely guarantees anything gets done in time that clients expect it to.
I understand that supervisors in high leadership positions don't always have a lot of time. Because of that, I was told that it was my responsibility to go to them when I have problems or stuff that needs done.
And yes, I should be more assertive about my work. Everyone should go to supervisors for situations that they need help with.
But if supervisors don't make that easy for you to do, what is the point?
Story time is over! Back to Selen!
Given my experience, I can understand how Selen feels. For a cover song of this scale, it must have taken months... maybe even a year—for it to be created in the first place. So the fact that Nijisanji EN management claims they first saw the video on December 24th is very concerning.
If this statement is true, then that means that they didn't do their job of checking in with Selen on the progress of this cover project. Or worse, Selen didn't trust them to work with her on releasing the cover song on time, so she took matters into her own hands.
Either way, it shows little to no support from Nijisanji EN management on an important project and reveals a damaged relationship between the two parties.
Honestly, I don't blame Selen. Yes, she did break company protocol, and it is a fire-able offense. But if her management was anything like mine, I would have done the same thing. Hell, I shouldn't be saying this, but I have done the same thing to a lesser degree. (It is rule-breaking, but not illegal. Best if I don't go into detail.)
But if Selen's management is as hard to get in contact with as my supervisor, how the hell does ANYTHING get done? Companies need to conduct business. But how can business be done if employees cannot progress due to management delays?
If they're not going to take the time to work with their employees to get proper permissions on time for upcoming projects ON TIME, I don't think they should be surprised at how things turned out.
Selen's Harassment
The worst part of this announcement is the blatant disregard for Selen's side and point of view on behalf of Nijisanji EN management.
"She claimed that she was no longer able to engage in her activities as a Liver due to the decisions made by ANYCOLOR, was being harassed by other affiliated Livers due to mismanagement, etc., while refusing to acknowledge her responsibility for violating the Activity Rules."
This sentence sticks out to so many people, especially the second part of it. But both parts are important because of Nijisanji EN's response.
We will get to that in a moment.
But let's focus on the claims Selen makes here:
"She claimed that she was no longer able to engage in her activities as a Liver due to the decisions made by ANYCOLOR."
This ties in to what we talked about earlier with the lack of support from management. Selen's claim expressed that she could not move forward with what she wanted to do because of the barriers to ANYCOLOR's decisions. Her feelings here make sense, given how it isn't the first time that her plans have been prevented by management.
More importantly, though, Selen also claims she
"was being harassed by other affiliated Livers due to mismanagement."
While many people want to know who these livers are—believe me, I'm curious as well—I want to know something else. If one of your talents is claiming there is harassment within your company, why aren't you investigating this?
Harassment is not something to be taken lightly or brushed off as an inconvenience. If your employee feels unsafe working at your company, I think it's worth taking a step back to try and understand where that employee is coming from, regardless of whether you think it's true or not.
So how do Nijisanji EN management and ANYCOLOR respond?
"ANYCOLOR believes that the claims raised by Selen Tatsuki are in fact referring to situations that arose when she was warned about her breaches of the Activity Rules and attempts to shift the responsibility for these violations, damaging ANYCOLOR and NIJISANJI EN's image. This led to the deterioration of the relationship between her, ANYCOLOR, and other Livers affiliated with ANYCOLOR. ANYCOLOR firmly believes that we and other Livers under our affiliation have not engaged in unjust practices towards Selen Tatsuki."
So instead of listening to her concerns, they brush off her claims as Selen crying wolf and blame her for making Nijisanji EN look bad.
HELLO???
I'm honestly not sure why I'm surprised by this blatant disregard for human emotion by a greedy corporate company. They clearly decided they didn't want to take the time to understand how badly Selen was hurting from their decisions.
And why would they? Especially when they clearly see her as bad trouble ruining their precious image.
However, they were aware that all of the stress from their company landed their employee in the hospital. So now, let's talk about the heaviest part of this story.
Selen's Attempt
TW: mentions of depression, and thoughts of su1cide. Please skip this portion (by finding the next smiling Selen screenshot) if you are not in a good mind to be reading about this!
Let's go back to Christmas... or rather, a few days after.
After the removal of "Last Cup of Coffee" from her channel, Selen stayed eerily silent. It was unusual for her to skip streams, especially collab streams, without notifying her followers. But given what just happened, it was very likely she was upset.
From her official Twitter/X account, only two tweets were created after Christmas. Whether she tweeted it or Nijisanji EN tweeted it, it only slightly matters to me. The fact of the matter is this: the events described in those tweets are true.
"I apologize for the silence. I've been in the hospital after an accident and will be staying there for a few days to be under supervision. I just got back access to my phone yesterday."
As soon as I read this tweet, my heart sank. Selen just had a negative incident at her company, where she had lost so much both financially and mentally. What part of "I've been in the hospital after an accident" makes anyone feel calm?
And the worst part... "an accident." Not a car accident, not a fist fight, just... an accident.
(In hindsight, the quasi-vague wording fits Nijisanji's modus operandi perfectly. It's specific enough to indicate something had happened, but not specific enough to indicate what that event was.)
But saying something is an accident... that's an easy cop-out for saying that someone attempted and survived... I think.
At least, it made the most sense to me at the time. Selen just lost $15,000 on a passion project that had a single unmovable barrier in it's way. Regardless of whether she is financially well-off or not, that's an enormous amount for anyone to lose in a day. If she had decided to attempt after something like that, I honestly wouldn't blame her in the slightest.
But the part of it that really had me suspicious that this was an attempt was that she was under supervision and "I just got back access to my phone yesterday."
This part is going to get a little personal here...
As someone with major depressive disorder, crippling anxiety, and suicidal ideations, I've found myself in inpatient care before. For those unaware, an inpatient is someone who stays in a hospital while under medical treatment. They receive lodging, food, and medicine to help them through whatever they are going through. It's the easiest way for someone to receive medication while also being watched closely to see if any changes to their health occur.
My reason for being inpatient is a bit personal. But at the very least, I was in an unstoppable depressive fit of constant crying where I couldn't even answer the simplest questions and didn't know what to do to stop crying.
As I was taken to the inpatient facility, saying goodbye to my mother, stripped of all my belongings (including clothes), and told I needed to sleep in a thin bed with nothing but a hospital gown on... the impact of my new reality away from the rest of the outside world terrified me and made me more depressed.
So, when Selen said she was under supervision and had her phone taken away... it instantly reminded me of what I experienced in the inpatient unit. I had my phone taken away, I had others think I was going to harm myself, I was allowed 1 hour of visitation at a specific hour every day where my emergency contact came to sit and talk with me, and the supervision was still very strict, with night guards poking a flashlight through your door to make sure you didn't do anything at night.
That's all I'm going to say about my experience.
Naturally, given what I had experienced, it didn't seem unreasonable to me that Selen's accident could have been a serious attempt on taking her life.
And who knows how long she had to fight to keep her sanity working as a corporate vtuber for Nijisanji EN? The job is stressful enough whether management is good or bad. But if the management is bad and stays bad for a long time with no improvements, patience can run out very quickly. One bad day can snowball into an avalanche.
For Selen, I imagined the pressure was becoming too much to handle. This heartfelt cover song could have been the breaking point that pushed her over the edge.
But, at that time, there was no proof.
So I stayed quiet, because people suggesting this narrative were getting flamed online for saying it. And honestly, with no confirmation at that point, it would probably inspire fear in a lot of Dragoons. It would cause them to assume the worst.
However, I said this at the beginning. The events described in her final tweets as Selen Tatsuki are true.
Confirmed by a little birdie.
"I will not be silenced anymore. On Dec, I was hospitalized for an attempt that was caused by a built up of bullying from within & being in a toxic & poor environment for numerous months that lead to my breaking point. I requested to leave first but on more neutral terms on 26th Jan."
This tweet is courtesy of Selen's previous life before joining Nijisanji EN, and is where she is now. Dokibird tweeted this not long after the announcement dropped, fully prepared with her statement.
It broke my heart knowing that what I had suspected was indeed true. For someone so talented to be going through so much turmoil, it would have been the biggest tragedy in vtubing history if we were to lose her in the worst way possible.
But, at the end of it all, I'm so glad to know she is alive, well, and will continue to move forward with more support than she ever expected.
It is the end of Selen Tatsuki's journey, but the beginning of Dokibird's next chapter.
Selen's Legacy
With the scarier stuff out of the way, I want to mention one last thing that irritated me about Selen's termination.
Nijisanji EN did not value Selen as much as they should have.
Yes, terminations are looked at a lot less positively than graduations. But to only do the bare minimum of acknowledging Selen's achievements with the company??
"Since becoming a part of NIJISANJI EN in July 2021, Selen Tatsuki has undeniably played a significant part in the growth of NIJISANJI EN. We fully understand that our decision to terminate the contract will have a significant impact on Selen Tatsuki's fans and supporters of NIJISANJI EN."
That's it. That's the only positive thing they had to say about her in the whole 3 page document.
She has hosted multiple tournaments, introduced the company to VR chat entertainment with AR Live events, commissioned lofi covers of all the Nijisanji EN Debut songs, connected bridges from other top vtuber agencies that seemed impossible, and is overall a fun entertainer with an infectious laugh and smile.
The fact that all she has done for the company is just summed up in 1-2 sentences is unforgivable.
And again, I understand that this is a termination, not a graduation. Terminations are for firing "problematic" people, not honoring their accomplishments. But only two sentences that vaguely acknowledge she made an impact as Nijisanji EN grew?
She deserves so much better than that.
While this does not cover everything that she has done for her community, especially as of recent, I recommend watching The Selen Tatsuki Experience, made for her 2021 birthday by devoted fans and clippers.
youtube
And here is a fan project for her birthday in 2022 showcasing the Top 15 Selen Tatsuki Streams.
youtube
While these are the videos that first come to my mind, there's so much Selen content out in the wild, even if her channel has been wiped by Nijisanji EN. So many memories, clips, fun experiences, and moments that will never be forgotten by her community and beyond.
If you have any you want to add to this, feel free to do so. I know the Dragoons can say so much more about her than I ever can, and I'm ashamed that I don't have more moments to add.
No matter where she goes or what she does, Selen will always have the support from every person she touched and inspired.
But it's time we thank Selen for all that she brought us and say goodbye.
Because now that this part of her life is over, it's time to move on to newer pastures and new beginnings. Because that is what Selen would want.
Or rather, it is what Dokibird wants.
youtube
Dokibird - YouTube Channel
dokibird - Twitch Channel
@dokibird - Twitter account
dokidoggu - Etsy
Final Thoughts
As I read back through everything I wrote, (which holy shit, it is a lot more than I expected; I think I really just needed to get this out of my system more than anything else), the more it makes me realize that Selen is not alone.
She never will be alone again. But I mean it a bit differently.
Selen is not the only one who has lived through corporate mismanagement. Far from it. Following her situation had made me realize just how similar my situation is to hers.
Following management that does not care about the employees enough to set them up for success. The depression that follows where you feel like you're gasping for air trying to make it through every day. Staying in bed late because waking up and going to a toxic work environment is too much.
This isn't a blanket statement of "all corporate companies are bad." That was never the point of this post. And, there are plenty of good corporations who will work with their employees and look out for their well-being. Even other corporate vtuber agencies do this!
However, I think it goes to show that corporate mismanagement can easily torture someone who feels trapped by decisions out of their control.
You can blame the employee all you want by saying "It's a corporate company! You should know that you have to follow the rules even if you disagree with them." But it isn't always that easy.
Sometimes, rules change. And once you are a part of a company, it isn't always easy to just quit and move on. Some people can't afford to do that.
I wish I had some kind of lesson I could leave behind related to all of this. Something like "Watch Out For These Warning Signs Of Mismanagement!"
But, I'm still working for a corporate company as my day job. I can't really leave until I find a new job or get fired.
So what can I tell you?
Selen's situation has motivated me to work harder to find a better work environment.
I've worked for this corporate company for a while now. It started as something I enjoyed because I was given more creativity and feedback on projects than previous positions. But it's not like that anymore.
No job is worth giving your life over.
And if Nijisanji EN management doesn't realize how messed up it can be working for them, and aren't willing to change for the good of their talents... they aren't worth a single cent.
Your happiness > Your job
If you managed to make it through all +3,000 words of ranting, I hope you find your own happiness. Thank you for taking the time to read all the way through.
I wish Dokibird nothing but the best as she kicks off this new chapter in her story.
As for Nijisanji EN, I hope they learned their lesson. If they keep their management the way it is, there will be more instances like this to the point where eventually no one will want to work with them anymore.
I have stayed up till 2am writing so I could say all I wanted to say. I should get at least 5 hours of rest before I have to wake up and go to my corporate IRL job. Hopefully, this year I'll be able to move on to a more promising environment in the not too distant future.
Thank you once again for reading, and I hope you have a lovely rest of your day! 💜
#nijisanji en#nijien#nijisanji#anycolor#selen tatsuki#dokibird#vtuber#sink the yacht#corporate vtuber#corporate greed#workplace#industry#harrassment#depression#anxiety#pressure#tw su1cide#mismanagement#selen deserved better#Youtube
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oooh for blurb night (and if you've blurbed something like this already feel free to ignore!!) does lexi ever get subjected to any nastiness on social media or even in person? some of these fans take it a little too far, as we've all seen 😬
!!!!!!!!!! We have not talked about this yet. We talked about this with Emma. But we all know Lexi gets it and it’s bad. Nico does his best to protect her, but there is only so much he can do.
Lexi is unusually quiet tonight. At first, Nico didn’t think anything of it. She has been struggling since she quit her job, feeling like a “useless sack of potatoes” (her words) while flipping through various comedy shows trying to get a laugh. The truth is, she’s still grieving the loss of her special patient, and it’s going to take a long time until she moves through the process.
But this quiet tonight also comes with a distance that doesn’t sit well with Nico. He thinks of that as he wipes his hands off on the kitchen towel after finishing washing the knives from dinner. Then, he moves around the island to stand by her head in the living room.
“I’m gonna watch some film, unless you want to catch another episode of Gilmore Girls?” Nico asks, tugging her pony tail where it flops over the arm of the couch. She shakes her head no without looking at him. Nico sighs, coming around to squat in front of her. He examines her face, pursing his lips in sadness at how hollow her gaze looks. “Baby, I’m worried about you. What’s up?”
“Why are you with me?” Nico blinks back at her in surprise. He did not expect that question.
“What?”
“Why are you with me?”
“There are a million reasons. But if I had to sum it up in a sentence or two, it’s because you’re the best person I know and I can’t live without you.”
“You could do so much better.” She whispers as tears fill her eyes. Nico lowers his eyebrows in confusion. This is not like her.
“Lex, what is going on?” Nico scoots her over until her back presses into the large cushions fully. She begins to sob, hiding her face as Nico curls her into his chest.
“People are being so mean to me on social media. And I can take it, Neeks. I can take so much if it means that I get to have you forever, but they’re going to a whole new level that I just… don’t.. know how to deal with.” She begins to sob harder.
“Baby, I am going to fix this. Tell me what happened. I’ll take care of it.”
“How? Are you going to shut down the internet for me?”
“I fucking will if I have to, yeah.” This gets her to smile through her tears. Damn does he love her. He would go find every serve in the world and rip the cords out himself if it meant she wouldn’t cry like this because people were mean to her. Because of him. They attack her because he loves her. How unfair is that?
“Someone DMed me on Instagram asking if I knew how unworthy of you I was….” She sighs afterwards, tugging at the drawstring of his sweatshirt. “Like how do you get out of bed with so much ugly audacity?” She repeats.
“But you know that isn’t true.” He strokes her wet cheek, then tilts her chin back so she looks into his eyes again.
“Yeah… I mean, for the most part. But, sometimes…. I’m just not sure.”
“Oh Lex.” He breathes out a heavy breath, feeling his heart break. “Am I doing something wrong that makes you feel like that?”
“No! God, no, Nico you are… perfect. But, they get into my head… and I’ve been in such a bad place.”
“I wanna fix this for you. Wanna soothe every crack and hurt in your heart, baby.” He kisses her lips desperately as he says it.
“You can’t.” She eases the burden for him.
“What can I do?” Lexi contemplates, slowly blinking, really contemplating what she needs from her boyfriend right now.
“Maybe you could take over my social media accounts and change the passwords, so I can’t login right now? I shouldn’t be on anything. Not until I heal. I can’t seem to hold myself accountable to that commitment.”
“Done. What else?”
“Hold me. All night… until we are tired lumps, melded together with no ending.” Nico chuckles.
“Okay. Here or in bed?”
“Bed.” It’s a heavenly sigh that tells Nico he’s getting lucky tonight.
After Lexi falls asleep, Nico maneuvers his arms around her and pulls her phone up. He makes a list of all the people sending her awful messages and blocks them, then he logs into his account and blocks them on his as well, across all social medical platforms until all that is left is praise, love, and appreciation for his beautiful girl.
Nobody makes his girl feel like not enough. Nobody.
And if this continues, this Devil is going to unleash hell.
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Lately, the government and the top banks of Australia have been pushing for the eradication of payments by cash, leaving phone apps alone, and possibly a medical implant as well.
I have fought against it as best I can, buy there's not much I can do.
It's illegal to have large amounts of cash, and self defense is a crime, so storing at home is not really an option. Besides, I am a disabled pensioner, and the government decided long ago that going through the bank is mandatory.
Covid was the best opportunity they ever had to eliminate personal freedom - I mean, to force everyone to use insecure apps on insecure phones that had insecure operating systems on insecure hardware.
There were scandal when apps were exposed data harvesting, accessing information they didn't have the rights to, and even hacking the microphone and camera of the phone.
https://www.consumerreports.org/electronics-computers/privacy/how-to-protect-yourself-from-camera-and-microphone-hacking-a1010757171/
But the push to do the thing was relentless. You can't stop progress! Nobody else is complaining, the bank told me.
Except people do complain, helpless and hopeless. I worked in tech support, and would hear all day long the agony of those whose assets were cleaned out, and that was in the days of internet banking, when the scammer call centers of India were just a sparkle in Satan's Eye.
You see, the reason banks existed was that they took money in exchange for the service of PROTECTION.
Now, they take your money, and if you get robbed, that's a YOU problem.
And the government is backing them up. Remember the GFC, when most governments expressed their hatred of capitalism by backing banks no matter how badly they embezzled customers?
The Bank and the State had merged.
Mussolini's vision had succeeded.
Fascism took a century, but it in the end, it won. But I am not sure even the 1930s fascists could see this coming.
youtube
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MY SHIFTING EXPERIENCE!; Shooting dramas that don't exist in this reality
summary; i am posting this to motivate those who have not shifted yet. i noticed there is not much things they could possibly be motivated by, as shifters don't share too much of their shifting experiences. so i decided to share memories of my favourite drama i have got the honour to be a part of! <3
to start of, i would like to say that the cast for the drama already exists in another high school drama in this reality, but i will not be naming any of the actors or actresses! this is to respect privacy as well as; while they might know me in that reality, they do not know me in this one and so coming upon a post like this - even if by accident - could possibly make them uncomfortable! as well as not everyone understands what shifting is. either way, i would like to thank you for your understanding!
so! to start off, i should probably explain that; the dramas that i will be talking about do not exist in this reality, but regardless they are my favourite ones i have starred in due to the friendships i have got to make through them! of course, the story is fascinating as well. which i will try to explain~
so, to start of! i looked it up, and unfortunately, the director does not exist in this reality. it saddened me a bit; i figured he would make a lot of interesting dramas and movies here as well! but unfortunately that is not the case. either way, he is one of the most creative people that i have ever came across. the dramas i will talk about - and which he directed - are really supposed to serve as one big drama split in two halves! if that makes sense to anybody. one half being 'to hold you' and the other half being 'while dying'.
they are supposed to be a mirror of each other, or rather a parallel universe? i have heard it be described in multiple ways, so i am not quite sure how to explain it perfectly but those two terms do it quite well.
to be clear these two dramas; are set in the same place, with the same characters, with the same cast & director, same school, same family ect. the things that differ are; the genres, dynamics and storyline.
the softer, sweet version is "to hold you"! It's a rom-com that's also a slice of life kind of thing? everyone is happy, yet still has their own struggles and there are many life lessons along the way. there isn't a 100% match of dramas in this reality in terms of vibes, but I would say the vibes are similar to reply 1988 and reply 1994!
the darker, more stressful version is "while dying"! while the title doesn't make much sense, it does once you watch it. not my character, but another actress', let's call her h! sets chaos between their friend group by deciding to send a text in a large group chat involving the friend group + everyone else involved detailing everything messed up or illegal the friend group did since she believes she is dying because of us. - this happens at the end of episode 1 - in terms of being dramatic and emotionally distressing I would compare this side more to penthouse? just not with adults; but rather highschoolers! so, for example these things would be my character being abused by her boyfriend, me being the reason why another characters - in the friend group - sister is blind, that person secretly taking pictures of another girl in the friend group to sell online, and that girl secretly stealing stuff to sell to be able to buy dangerous substances and so on. - there are so many characters it would take long to list it. -
so, as you can see! the two dramas serve opposites of each other. let's take a character, junho! - yes, these are k-dramas! and before you accuse me of anything, i am asian. - you see, he is a gentle giant in 'to hold you'! always protecting girls, being there for each main character, the ideal son, helpful, sweet and kind. however! in 'while dying' he is the character that secretly takes pictures of people to sell on the internet. it starts of with a girl in the friend group and slowly escalates to more people he looks at as deserving of it. or for my character for example! in 'while dying' she is the reason why junho's sister is blind! she did it because she saw the abuse junho goes through but was ashamed to own up to and refused to hit back. so jia - my character - impulsively acted out. later in the series, as secrets start to unfold bit by bit we find out that she is abused as well by her boyfriend! but! in 'to hold you' jia is friend's with the sister, happy, extroverted, loud and really an overall cheerful and happy person, and the boyfriend is the 'ideal husband' type. as in they are a power couple!
the point is; no matter which one you watch first, you will become insanely emotional!
either way! the reason why i chose this one is because i have spent about 8-10 years in that dr - i forgot when exactly my first shift was, probably around 2018 there! - , and i shifted there last week, on tuesday! it made me insanely happy to be able to work on such a nice project and I formed such beautiful friendships - which i mention an annoying amount but oh well! - that I just want to share it! maybe this will be the motivation that will finally help someone experience the amount of joy and excitement they very well deserve!
also, for reference while 8-10 (probably 10!) years went by there, only 1 hour passed by here! so i will let myself "rest" for a few more days before attempting to shift again mid week-ish! unless you benefit from it, you should never push yourself over your limits! <3
anyway! one interesting thing i would like to mention is that i have actually became friends with person h! - as i said i won't be naming anyone for privacy's sake - she is a really kind and lovely person, and I actually had no idea she exists in this reality as well! even her name is the same! it just shocked me because i have never searched her up or gave too much attention to her in this reality, yet she was a side character in multiple things i have watched! i guess this is due to my subconscious remembering her; i just didn't. i just thought about mentioning it because it is soooo fun!
another person i have became friends with is person b! actually, a lot of people hated him for portraying the bad side of his character so well, while some people idolised him due to the good-natured side of the character. it was very funny to see, i remember watching edits together with him and laughing at some comments! - which i had to sometimes translate - it was people arguing about his character! to me it really shows that he is an amazing actor! he played my boyfriend in both dramas and became my best friend in real life! i never interacted with the actor in this reality so i cannot say they are 100% same! however in that reality he is like the best person ever. 'brings you snacks at 2am just bc you said you were craving them' type of friend!
and person c! junho's actor! he seems to be a sweet and shy person in both realities so that's that! we actually had a lot of fun on set and often times had to retake many shots. not because we are bad at acting; we just couldn't stop laughing at random things! looking back at it i really appricate the patience everyone else involved in production have had. we actually became really close as well! the type of friend you don't need to interact with everyday but still have an extra strong and meaningful bond with. we also acted in many other dramas and movies as well! he is a sweetheart, really.
this was also the first project where i got to try out fake blood as well! i had to bite down on a little thingy in one scene to make it look like it's pouring out of my mouth! i think it was cool, but i was a bit worried since i am a clumsy person lmao! everything went well tho <3
either way! these are the most motivating things i could think of for this post, but i could later make a part two or add to it. i also like answering questions,,, either way, next story time will be about my very first time shifting! mwa, thank you for reading sweet angel!
#reality shifting#quantum jumping#shiftinconsciousness#idk i just noticed there is not much support or proper posts about shifting on here#imagine nobody cares
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There's a lot of "oh, Baldur's Gate, isn't that game all about sex?" out there - I've seen it on the internet and heard it in conversation - which is fair, that's what the mainstream articles have been about, and let's not lie, most of us around here are all about the sexytimes with pretty people. (Me included, 100000%. And my "romance doesn't make an experience less interesting or serious" rant will be saved for another day.) But anyway ... it's Monday, and I'm avoiding work, so I figured I'd list as many things as I can think of right now that make the game amazing that have nothing to do with actually having sex with someone.
GINORMOUS areas to explore.
There are lore books literally everywhere. If you like reading random bits of in-universe texts, you'll be spoiled.
Have you ever played D&D and wished certain spells had more utility - like Grease, or Sleep, or Create/Destroy Water? You're in luck here! Anything that can either create a ground effect or temporarily distract/take enemies out is OP!
Animated, voiced cut scenes with nearly every single NPC you run across.
At the same time, most of them are not required. Some will give you interesting side quests, extra approval/disapproval from your companions, or interesting information that will give you more options in a future quest, but you don't have to spend hours talking to people unless that's your jam.
In character creation, you don't pick male/female as a gender. You pick from four body types (two small, two large, two with breasts/more slender, two more broad/slightly larger), three sets of pronouns (he/she/they), and several different sets of genitals - mix and match all three categories to your hearts' content. I'm sure there are other things they could have done, but it's the most inclusive character creator I've seen in a major game for sure.
The turn-based combat is a blessing for anyone who struggles with real time combat. Take your time, consider your options, look at things from all angles, sort through your spells and attacks to find the right one.
Or you can remember you picked up that barrel of smoke powder three rooms back, climb up into the rafters of the room, and chuck it into the fire pit in the middle of the room for maximum effect. I cannot overstate how fucking satisfying that is.
Big fucking tiefling horns. Of a variety of shapes!
Your female companions are the tanks/hearty warriors. Your male companions are all delicate fucking flowers, at least until you get Druid Daddy who can turn into a bear.
While optimizing your 4-person party to bring the usual configuration - one tank, one healer, a couple of DPS - is useful, it isn't always necessary. There are some fights where bringing four ranged options is a great idea, as long as you give them some survivability spells or plenty of potions. Sometimes bringing four people who can just barrel their way into a pile of ogres is satisfying. Mix it up!
Okay every companion thus far (I'm still only through act 1 yet, listen I have two games and my partner didn't feel well enough to continue the game where we're the farthest this weekend so I spent my time catching my solo game up) is absolute gold, no duds in the bunch, and the next few bullets will be one awesome thing about each one of them that has nothing to do with romance.
Astarion with the Thief subclass at level 3 literally cannot fail most lockpicking or trap disarming checks unless he rolls a nat 1. He is invisible when stealthed. He can one-shot most low level goblins with sneak attack arrows from range. He is a very bitchy fancy-lad Super Rogue.
Wyll is the Goodest Boy - the speed with which he goes from "I am oathbound to kill you demon!" to "well shit you're just a tiefling guess I'll deliberately fuck up my very dangerous warlock oath for you" is wonderful. He's noble and impetuous and wants to be more than a rich boy and gives nearly everyone the benefit of the doubt. I would die for him.
Karlach does the ADHD idle dance of "I could not stand still if you paid me all the gold in Baldur's Gate" and has the best puppy dog eyes. Also the story tie-in to her rage mechanics is really great and excellent storytelling.
Lae'zel is nigh unkillable if you give her the right stuff. Speccing her as Battlemaster is amazing for controlling the most powerful combatants on the field. Trip Attack has saved my ass so many times, you have no idea.
On paper, Gale should be absolutely insufferable. But somehow the writing and voice acting managed to hit just the right notes of humor and good nature and wizard geek. I'm very impressed.
Shadowheart is a very interesting combination of amoral/self-involved but also compassionate and I find myself fascinated by it. She clearly contains multitudes, and thus far the story is doing a good job of doling out pieces of her at a satisfying pace.
And speaking of interesting moral dichotomies, I absolutely adore that Halsin is both the good influence authority figure and also utterly ruthless when things run afoul of his strongly held belief system. Also thicc, broad-shouldered elf supremacy.
The tieflings you meet in Emerald Grove are directly tied to the D&D adventure "Descent Into Avernus" - as is Wyll! (And I'm sure it has a lot of context for Karlach's story as well, I haven't finished reading it yet.) I'm sure there's more when you get to the actual city of Baldur's Gate, but I'm not there yet. It's just fun to have that as an option to read for backstory about some of the game's characters and situations if you want. It's not required reading, though - cough, Bioware/Dragon Age, cough - everything that happens with them is perfectly understandable without any additional context!
The "Balanced" combat difficulty is a really good mix of fights that take a LOT of strategy and ones that can be easily cheesed.
Have you ever wanted to shove someone off a cliff even though you have like 8 strength? Listen, a 30% chance is STILL A CHANCE, and you have limited bonus action choices. TAKE YOUR SHOT.
... feel free to add your own. I'm still pretty early in the game and can't wait to get to more.
(edited for some slightly better phrasing about the character creation gender options, hopefully)
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#why did i make this?#is it mostly to avoid work?#yes probably#but still#i feel like a post is needed#to say 'you can have all this!'#(and also sexytimes!)
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DP x SW
Danny Phantom x Star Wars fic Idea:
Btw, I have never posted on Tumblr before so I have no idea if I am doing this right. I am bad at communicating on the internet apparently. My son's friends think I am nerdy/geeky enough to be the cool mom though so I'll take it.
So, in Danny Phantom he Infinite realms holds all afterlives. However, only so many people form into ghosts after death. Highly traumatic emotional deaths and people exposed to ectoplasm if I understand correctly.
I was thinking about SW Mandalorians and how they think of death and souls. Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la - "Not gone, merely marching far away"—;
When a foundling is adopted it's 'name and soul' and I've seen it referenced as giving that child a soul, sometimes even after they died.
"Comprised of a simple statement of intent, a prospective Mandalorian parent needed only to recite the phrase ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad—"I know your name as my child"—followed by the name of the individual to be adopted." Wookieepedia
The Mandalorians have the Manda:
"The manda was a spiritual[2] and philosophical concept in the Mandalorian religion. Among the living, manda referred to a state of being, wherein a Mandalorian had achieved a philosophical unity of mind, body, and spirit. Additionally, the manda could refer to the collective soul of the Mandalorian people, with Mandalorians passing into the manda upon their death." (Wookieepedia)
I have a headcannon that the Manda would be an ancient spirit like Vortex, Undergrowth, and Nocturne. With the Mandalorians united under the Manda, they are far more likely to form as ghosts and 'go 'marching' in the Infinite realms than a random Joe. This would lead to a large Mandalorian civilization in the realms, most likely made larger by the Mandalorian tendency to adopt. The realms would have plenty of newly formed ghosts from all overt the multiverse, probably a lot without a particular afterlife they're shooting for.
For a fic idea I see a Mandalorian, say Jaster, coming across Danny (maybe he had to flee his dimension due to the GIW) and adopting him on the spot (or at least trying to). He can mentor Danny as a leader (if this is a ghost prince/king thing). Or for more zaniness Dani/Elli. Or both.
THis being a SW cross you can have Dani taking notice of the clones. Jaster probably keeps an eye on Jango if he can. Danny and Dani being halfas could go into the SW verse to help the clones. Maybe leaving Jaster to collect the decommissioned clones by adopting them on his behalf? Not sure of the logistics there. I like the image of him saving the decommed clones and keeping them safe in the realms.
Jango might not count the clones as his kids, but my understanding of Mandalorian culture is that you can't disown your kids (but they can disown you), so they might be born into the Manda anyway. The Manda (as a spirit in this AU) would be very upset I think and maybe ask Danny as King to intervene? Just spitballing now. Maybe send Jaster to haunt Jango until he fixes his ish (as much as possible). Maybe other former Manda'lore as well.
Fun additions:
Jaster/Ghost Writer besties or maybe more?
Lunch Lady feeding the clones
Technus vs droid armies :)
#danny phantom#mandalorian culture#star wars#jaster mereel#dani phantom#jango fett#danny fenton#clone wars
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