#and cuz of the stupid lighting i had to fuck around with the values to get it to look right
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ITS MY BIRRTHDAYYYYY TODAYY and i drew seth in the outfit im wearing for it lol
#i had to. take a photo of my shirt and edit out the graphic. cuz there was no photo of it online that i could edit.#and cuz of the stupid lighting i had to fuck around with the values to get it to look right#raincode#rain code#master detective archives#master detective archives: rain code#mdarc#mda:rc#seth burroughs#rain code fanart#raincode fanart#my art#wiki art#art
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So many kid's toys these days just. Arn't fun. They're designed to be COLLECTED rather than PLAYED with. Everything is a fucking blindbag. Materials are flimsy and cheap and designs don't hold up to an actual child throwing them around. And it's all so EXPENSIVE, even accounting for inflation.
To expand on my thoughts here, I'm unrolling a Twitter thread I made about this trend. (with some additions)
The Big H's handling of mainline figs is... distressing, of late. Very little push for show mains, oversupport of already saturated legacy characters, and some frankly unsettling engineering and materials choices (esp in Cyberverse).
Increase in overall fragility, thinner parts, styrene-on-styrene joints that will go floppy in a few months of light play, very little "clicks" or locks solidly... the passion is clearly in the collector's end, and that's just bass ackwards.
This repugnus would have been amazing triumph from Mego in 1970s. But for a mainline big H TF line in the 2020s? This is a backslide. And before anyone brings up that it's from the kids' line, that's the point.
They're KIDS, they should get MORE care and effort in their merch.
Every toy you make might be a kid's only birthday gift or holiday present. Toys are /given/ to children, and if the work is subpar, you make a chump out of grandma.
You won't be there to blame if it breaks or disappoints.
It seriously drives me nuts seeing how far the stuff-for-kids industries have fallen. There's no brands without the work, but as the poet DMX said: "these cats done forgot what work is."
All your blockbuster superhero empires start in the pulp gutters. Compared to the movies toys, games and comics will never be profitable ENOUGH to be worth it on a billion-dollar scale ledger.
"Give me mighty oaks! There's no profit in acorns!"
If you want the stuff that makes the Michael Bay blockbuster, you have to start with the stupid goofy cartoon no one had seen before where anxiety over the oil crisis was acted out by robotic Punch and Judy puppets. How many studios would greenlight TMNT or TF sight unseen today?
If you make toys and cartoons and video games, your job is to make kids happy. How is that not sacred? If anything is sacred it should be that.
Art is the act of evoking emotion, and fun is an emotion (what else could it be described as?) and it is SO IMPORTANT.
I fear that gets lost in the "what to do over next?" rush. Every artist at those companies has a dozen amazing ideas in their back pocket that won't get a chance to become the next Transformers because a studio is terrified they'll make Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors instead.
Since the world is run by Captain Planet villains, I wouldn't bat an eye if we found out venture capital was a ploy by some disgruntled warlock who just hates the goddamn Care Bears.
Just some dick at Bear Sterns singing "There's no room for joy on a spreadsheet" to a weaselly sidekick.
Cuz guys, we've got companies that make GAMES for CHILDREN hiring the Pinkertons. I repeat. Games. For. Children. That's not normal. That's not a normal thing. That is a very disturbing thing.
And its hard to even discuss without sounding like a frickin' Care Bear myself. Because how do you sum up the creeping dread that the support beams are being mined thin, and everything fun for kids will go the way of Toys-R-Us, dragged down like Artax.
I'm not advocating pure altruism here. There's plenty of money to be made giving kids an awesome experience. It's investing in future fandom. Real Brand loyalty. If you want the blockbuster 15 years from now, get them hooked on the fun cartoon now. The value-add always pays off.
For every Transformers or He-Man there's going to be several Robotix-es or Power Lords. That's a risk. A risk worth taking. New ideas should be easier and cheaper to bring to fruition now than ever. But the system won't let it happen.
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My reactions to @fandom-hoarder about tw lmao enjoy people.
Me–Ok so the stationary of the letter John has its MOL so....maybe Sam? Then again I've never seen Sam write in cursive.
Oof ok the acting is rough and wtf a soldier boy line? Jensen mijo you were on for a partial season, calmate lol
Bestie–Lmao oh wait, i didn't catch the soldier boy line, what was it?
Me–"See you around soldier boy" the pacing is so weird.
Bestie– Ah oh yeah lmao. I didn't catch it cuz it smacked me in the face
It is!!
Me–It feels like watching something in fast forward
The goofy John who can't fight is dumb
Bestie–Hahh it has slower bits too so that's fun 👀👀👀👀👀👀
Yes, thank you omg
Me–Omg Dads on a hunting trip and hasn't been home in a few days
This legit feels like an ao3 story brought to life
Drake overreacts a bit and so does Meg. This isn't Disney Channel mija
Bestie– Yes, god it's very disney channel
Me–Omg your right anti possession charm bracelet like whyyyyy
Bestie–There's waaay too many conveniences like that charm in one episode.
You're right, it's soooo fanfictiony
Me–Really overacted and the monster under the bed line????
I'm like c'mon just say you wanted Drake to be Sam Jensen jfc
Bestie–Yeah! Also I'm so annoyed about his version 9f the story
Me–You don't want any part of this life. Like bitch you just pulled him into this lmao
Bestie–Cuz if john had a memory like that from his dad it puts his version with sam in even WORSE light
Me–Ok I love patsy cline
Why is no one wearing the anti possession charm as a necklace
Like yeah Mary had a charm bracelet before but dear lord
Bestie–A question for the ages, bestie
Me–Ok the line of I hated my dad but I love him is such a Sam line
Bestie–Yes
Me–Ok John did have ptsd, I would think so even during the og series
Omfg mary has an emf reader🤦🏾♀️Jensen honey just say that you wanted to do a samdean not related au
Omfg the van scene from the trailer 😂😂😂😂
Bestie–Lol yeah
Me–Omfg the lines are terrible
Ugh the menu but is too stupid
Bestie–Jensen's first fanfic
Me–It feels like it lol
"There's no secrets in our family" bitch that's the og show. Secrets build everything lol
Ugh cheating hippie hispanic
Bestie–Yeah :(
Me–What the fuck is with this pacing?
Bestie–I wish i knew!!! 🤣🤣🤣
They should've taken more pacing notes from spn pilot lol
Me–Omfg Samuel left coordinates how original Ackles
Dude yes. This is so rushed
Who the fuck is Maggie
Bestie–Right?!? OUT OF NOWHERE!
Me–Why do they give the demons the "venom" distorted voice lol
Yes yes we get it no happy ending for hunters it's been established
Fucking Scooby-Doo shit
Bestie–Did they do that voice to the first airplane demon?
Me–And yeah that's the actresses real voice. For Lata.
I can't remember lmao
Bestie–Ok.. that makes it ok then. It is so proper that it kinda annoys me but as long as it's not fake it's fine
All the girls seem to have major enunciation that gets on my nerves, though, so it might be an acting training thing
Me–Ok so Maggie was her cousin who was killed by a vampire. No pos wow Jensen lol and mary just had a Sam line "They put a knife in my hand before I could walk" "Dad gave me a .45 for the monster under my bed"
Yeah she really enunciates
This is "Hey idk you but our dads are missing and there's weird shit out there so let's hop in our Scooby van with our stereotypical counterparts and go on a trip"
The casts lacks chemistry
It's given off Disney Channel/Nickolodeon vibes
Since when did John have a scar???
Oh and here with the self sacrificing
God that thing is bad
It's like great value brand lycan
Bestie–Yes, thank you wtf
The van scene also made me think of argyle from stranger things
Me– What in the 13 ghost of Scooby-Doo was that bullshit
Bestie–Lmfao
Me–Ok so John's mom knew
When you have kids you'll understand oh honey
Bestie–Like. Wtf 😑
Me–Jensen should have just made an account on ao3
After seeing this I suddenly feel a lot better about my writing
Saving people hunting things????
Nothings sacred huh
God megs acting is really forced
Bestie–Yeah. Dude, seriously, so many fanfiction writers could've done better, even WITH THIS PREMISE. Including you and me
Me–A monster not of this world trying to invade. Pos chingao
Just say aliens 🤦🏾♀️
Omfg please don't tell me the pinche tentacle monster from the late seasons 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Bestie–They can get away with not saying aliens if it comes through an au portal 😒
Omfgg i did not even make that connection
Me–Omfg but why is he writing? Dean has hated it, said it was more Sam's thing and the I'll keep picking the music
Ugh yeah terrible.
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Truth is I m not what you made me to be. I m not that needy childish unrealistic impatient stupid little thing from the countryside.
I m not having problems with my attachment style, nor do I have negative unsolved emotions in me that are leading my behavior. I m not a victim and I m not mentally unstable or borderline. I don't need to please people cuz I don't need ppl. that are in need to be pleased, to be in my life. And I did not come to you to grave some attention or to forget myself in order to make you want me.
Remember? You pushed me to proof myself to you. Not the other way around....
It's pretty frustrating that I have to double check my reality now everyday since you decided to ghost me after you pushed and pulled me mindless.
The only thing I went wrong was to be so open and trusting to your words.
Didn't know you just put them out and don't mean them.
Now I have to remember myself everyday that I m not the fucking problem and that I am okay the way I am.
I m not too overwhelming and it was not you having no time. That's the worst excuse I heard from a man.
U want sth u get it. U don't want, u don't do it. That's how you act everyday, right?
you make me feel so worthless. unworthy to even read my replies. In order to come up the next time like you cared.....
Did all the things that I told you are making my situation worse...
Watching me forgetting all my self respect and dignity by seeking the problem on my self.
Letting me apologize for even the expressions of my feelings that were meant to push you up and make you strong...
That you didn't even care about most of the time.
Do you know why I kept going with that? I didn't want to stop believing in what I thought is in you somehow.
I know you went through some shit and that you acting out what you experienced probably....
But I was not any of your past relationships. You invoke affection in a woman or maybe more then one to feel better? Then fucken use this energy to get your life right the way you want it and then cut up all the cords at once to be with someone you didn't have to show how messed up you were?
You been such an important person for me...
And fuck, I m no overthinker.. I m sensing shit 100000 miles away. If u can't deal with that don't blame me.
Come up and be straight. Honest.Words are the closest we can get. I know that sucks but that's what you have with most of the people.
Or leave it
But if so have the maturity to not put your distorted picture of me into other people's head....and fucken say goodbye
Respect. That's sth you have to relearn.
And honesty. Open, radical honesty.
You don't want me to talk to your wife. I know but that tells it all.
You just care about yourself. That's all.
You rather turn a whole group against me then take the risk to stand for what you preach.
And guess what, I m over it. I had my lesson and I am able to forgive. I m able to turn that darkness into light all on my own. And I did.i don't need friends like that I realized. But I can still respect you and show my love for the community. No matter what they think about me. And I m even more thankful I got to learn that. So Thank you but I have to speak my truth and you have to respect that.
I told you I stepped away from people... Now you know why.
My morals and values are different.
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a numbers game
Fandom: BNHA
Pairing: Kiribaku
(AO3)
Bakugou knows his personality and general rage-filled disposition towards everything, in general, isn’t winning him any favours, but the texts have made him contemplate just how shitty he must’ve been in a past life to deserve a fate like this.
Because no one - and Bakugou knows such assholes as Monoma - but no one deserves to be on the receiving end of unsolicited dick pics. From random numbers. At all times of the day. For the last 3ish months.
“I am going to throw my phone out the fucking window, I swear on all that is good and pure, fucking bull-“
“More dick pics?” Camie interrupts with a wide grin, plucking the phone out of Bakugou’s hand.
“What the fuck else?” Bakugou snaps, trying to pull his phone back in vain. Camie holds it just out of reach, eyeing the disgusting penis with a critical stare.
"Hmm,” she says, passing the phone back to him before taking a sip of her terrible grass juice that smells like a badly mowed golf course, “the lighting is bad and he hasn’t done like, any grooming at all. 3/10.”
“You’re being generous,” Bakugou huffs, deleting the picture immediately and swallowing the still raging urge to fling his phone at the nearest wall. “It’s unsolicited. And his fingernails are fucking filthy. -100/10.”
Camie rolls her eyes. “You’re being dramatic again Kitkat.”
Bakugou counts to 10 in his head, tries to find that last shred of patience he knows is somewhere deep in his dark pit of a soul and breathes out in a rush.
“I need to fucking figure this out before I actually lose it and track down one of these fuckers and choke the life out of them.”
Because here’s the thing- Bakugou has been receiving dick pics and dirty text messages like hi bby want sex? and imma dick you down gud boo – he’s positively swooning, what a lovely way to be wooed – and he has no idea how to stop it. Yes, he could cancel his number and get a new one, but all of his bank details are linked to this one. He’s had it since he first got a phone in middle school, and now all of his documents are attached to the damn thing. The very idea of going to the banks and the DMV and every other stupid establishment to get it changed makes him grimace hard enough that he decides to bear with it.
Except, every time he receives one of these horrible pictures, his urge to blow up the phone, nay, the entire world, simmers at dangerous levels.
“Cool it kitkat,” Camie croons, giving his forearm a squeeze, “you’re making your homicidal face. That cannot be good for wrinkles.”
“Like I give a fuck,” Bakugou grunts, flinging his phone away carelessly and watching it skitter around on the kitchen counter before halting dangerously close to the edge. “I just want it to stop.”
Camie puts her atrocity for a drink down and pulls the fridge open, rummaging around as she says, “I have a theory about all this.” She pulls out a jar of jalapenos and places it in front of Bakugou. The blonde yanks a fork out of the admittedly cute utensil bucket in the middle of their counter before snapping the lid off and spearing a good 3 pieces in one go. He chews on them slowly and directs a raised brow at Camie.
“Well,” she muses, picking her drink back up, “as a woman that receives a LOT of numbers from guys and gals and non-binary folks alike-“ Bakugou makes it a point to roll his eyes hard enough to knock his head back; Camie’s laughter is loud and boisterous “- I have a tactic for when I don’t know how to say no and don’t want to give my digits.”
Bakugou has another forkful of jalapenos in his mouth when he narrows his eyes at her.
Camie shrugs, “I usually change the very last digit of my number. Works like a charm. I never meet the person again, and they can’t contact me. Win-win.”
“Win-win my ass,” Bakugou seethes. “Do I look like I’m winning right now? I am this fucking close to killing someone, because of stupid tactics like yours.”
Camie finishes the last of her drink, and speaks around her straw, “You say that, but do you know how many people, and especially dudes, don’t take no for an answer? The only reason I give out any digits at all is when I can’t guarantee my safety. I know it’s not like, the perfect solution or anything, but I’m giving you facts right now.”
And Bakugou does, in fact, know that. He’s met those pushy assholes- people that don’t back down, people that don’t take no at face value, people that push and prod and get up in his space. It pisses him off to absolutely no end.
“Whatever,” he concedes. He spears another forkful of jalapenos before grumbling, “So, what the fuck do I do?”
Camie grins, minx like. “Why don’t you text the number one ahead and one behind your own and ask? I mean, in the best-case scenario you figure it out and get it all to stop, in the worst case, you get to yell at like random people. Isn’t that your second favourite pastime, right after yelling at that pigeon outside our balcony, the one with an agenda?”
“Don’t talk about that fucking pigeon,” Bakugou fumes, “fucking piece of shit bird and those dark, robotic eyes. Something is up with that; you can’t convince me otherwise.” He mulls over the rest of her suggestion before relenting, “Well, I guess I could spare a moment to yell at the fucking extras giving out my number to perverts with no manners and gross penises.”
“I find it so funny when you say the word manners,” Camie says as she walks to her room, “It’s almost like you know what it means!”
She isn’t even looking at him, but she manages to dodge the jalapeno that sails at her head. It hits the wall with a sick squelch, and when Bakugou hears Camie’s door shut, he drops his head on the counter with a loud, resounding thunk and muffles a scream into the marble.
He forgets to send out those texts, and when he receives yet another picture, not three days later, of someone holding their disgusting penis in their hand, like it’s an accomplishment or some shit, he sends out a text message to two different numbers typed with shaky, sweaty fingers.
>> xxx-xxx-xxx6 , xxx-xxx-xxx4
I don’t know who the fuck you are, and you don’t know me, but it’s possible that one of you assholes gives out my number to random people who, in turn, send me fucking dick pics. It’s been over 3 fucking months, so knock it the actual fuck off. And in case it isn’t you, fuck you anyway.
Bakugou wakes up from a restless sleep to sunlight sloping in through the blinds of his room, a dry mouth, and three new text messages from an unknown number.
Because his brain takes time to boot up in the mornings, he foregoes the phone entirely and makes his way to the kitchen in search of caffeine. Camie is always up before him, and he gratefully pours himself a mug of her insanely strong black coffee, the kind to palpitate your heart and make you vibrate in your seat. She calls it jet fuel, Inasa calls it death, Todoroki just blinks.
When he’s half a mug down, he finally retrieves his phone from his room and takes a seat in the balcony, surrounded by plants of all kinds. The sun is bright but not harsh, and he takes a second to enjoy it before opening his messages.
He doesn’t even recall sending the messages last night, and for a moment he’s enraged at the idea that someone sent him even more dick pics, but there’s no photos waiting for him, just three messages.
xxx-xxx-xxx4
omg omg OMG I didn’t think anyone actually used this number im sorry D:
xxx-xxx-xxx4
no really im so so sorry holy shit I was just following this idea that my friend gave me cause im terrible at turning people down but I didn’t realize they were messaging an actual other person OMG
xxx-xxx-xxx4
ofc I wont be giving your number out anymore im just so sorry bro, god, this is so damn UNMANLY of me
At least the person has the decency to sound apologetic. Not that it tempers Bakugou in any way, shape or form, but he takes note of it somewhere in the distant recesses of his mind.
Bakugou
you better not give it out anymore fuckmunch. I should sue your ass for putting me under so much psychological distress.
The guy replies startlingly quickly. Bakugou opens the message with a quirked brow.
xxx-xxx-xxx4
shit can you actually do that?
Bakugou has no idea, but the key to selling anything is confidence, and he’s got enough to spare.
Bakugou
try me
xxx-xxx-xxx4
IM REALLY REALLY SORRY OK TRULY D:
xxx-xxx-xxx4
and not just cuz you might sue me or anything, it was a terrible move on my part :’(
xxx-xxx-xxx4
can I make it up to you somehow??
Bakugou huffs, deflating a little. He’s angry yes, positively incensed for the most part, but the guy sounds genuinely sorry, and he’s finding it increasingly difficult to stay mad at someone that’s just being so damn decent and taking full responsibility.
Bakugou
I don’t fucking know.
Bakugou
just stop giving out my no.
Bakugou
I swear to god if I get ONE MORE NUDE
Bakugou
I will find you
xxx-xxx-xxx4
you don’t have to find me ill come to you
xxx-xxx-xxx4
cuz ill def deserve it at that point
xxx-xxx-xxx4
anyway, im sorry again. really ☹
xxx-xxx-xxx4
I gotta get some sleep, so tell me later about how I can make it up to you!!!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
goodnight
Bakugou checks the clock at the top left corner of his phone screen. It reads 8:31am.
What the fuck does this guy do for work anyway? And does Bakugou care?
He decides no, he doesn’t, because he’s really too busy to care about anything, especially assholes that hand out his number to horny strangers because they’re too chickenshit to say no.
He nods at his own conclusion, downs the rest of his death-in-a-cup, and walks back inside, ready to start another long day of work. Bakugou gives himself an hour before he puts this all behind him, fully forgotten and finally taken care of.
Why the fuck haven’t I blocked this fucker yet, is the first thing Bakugou thinks when he gets more texts from them.
xxx-xxx-xxx4
heyyo!!!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
did you think of anything????? How can I make it up to you??
Bakugou
stop texting me, that’ll be a great start
xxx-xxx-xxx4
I will as soon as u tell me how to make it up to you!!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
I was being so unmanly and cowardly, I need to fix it!!
Bakugou
good for fucking you, leave me alone
xxx-xxx-xxx4
y don’t you keep thinking abt it and lemme know !!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
if it helps, I can hook u up with some free drinks!! I co-own and bartend at a place downtown!!!!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
just think abt it
xxx-xxx-xxx4
I gotta get back to work, talk soon!
Bakugou
stop texting me dammit
Bakugou isn’t a naïve person, but he somehow convinces himself that this will be the end of things.
It is, predictably, not the end of things.
xxx-xxx-xxx4
I just realized I didn’t give u my name
xxx-xxx-xxx4
Kirishima eijirou!!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
and you are?
Bakugou
blocking you
xxx-xxx-xxx4
aww come on man, don’t be like tht ☹
xxx-xxx-xxx4
wait, r u a man?????
xxx-xxx-xxx4
PLEASE AT LEAST TELL ME THAT I DON’T WANT TO MISGENDER U OMG
Bakugou
can you calm the fuck down holy shit
Bakugou
yes I’m a dude, you’re fucking fine dumbass
xxx-xxx-xxx4
oh phew!!!!!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
ok my dude
xxx-xxx-xxx4
please come down to the bar??????
xxx-xxx-xxx4
do you actually drink though?? If you don’t we still have great mocktails
xxx-xxx-xxx4
and I can whip up some awesome protein shakes
xxx-xxx-xxx4
ohhh and our food is bomb,,, I promise
Bakugou
do you ever just stop talking
xxx-xxx-xxx4
NOPE :D
Bakugou
Not a compliment
xxx-xxx-xxx4
what can I say
xxx-xxx-xxx4
im an opportunist
Bakugou
you’re telling me
Bakugou
fucker
xxx-xxx-xxx4
IM STILL SO SORRY
xxx-xxx-xxx4
PLEASE COME TO THE BAR LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU
xxx-xxx-xxx4
actions speak hella louder than words
xxx-xxx-xxx4
I must action you
Bakugou
what the fuck
xxx-xxx-xxx4
you get what I mean!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
<location>
this is the place
xxx-xxx-xxx4
its name is RIOT, u cant miss it
xxx-xxx-xxx4
just lemme know when u can make it
Bakugou
I haven’t agreed to shit asshole
Bakugou
stop assuming things
xxx-xxx-xxx4
free food, free drinks, free live performance of whatever band’s performing
Bakugou
…………………
Bakugou
I’ll think about it
xxx-xxx-xxx4
HELL YEAH
xxx-xxx-xxx4
whats your name btw?
Bakugou
like id tell you
xxx-xxx-xxx4
I need it for the reservation!!!!
xxx-xxx-xxx4
so that I don’t accidentally serve the wrong gentleman all your free perks
Bakugou
didn’t say im coming yet
xxx-xxx-xxx4
im super optimistic
Bakugou
I can tell, you’re giving me a headache
xxx-xxx-xxx4
so………… name?
Bakugou
no
xxx-xxx-xxx4
I’ll get it out of you eventually
Bakugou
try me
Bakugou
fucker
If Bakugou finds himself smiling at the end of the exchange, well, that’s his business.
“So, you finally figured out who was responsible for the penis pictures?” Todoroki deadpans around his cosmo.
“That’s wonderful Bakugou!” Inasa booms, slamming his beer down on the counter with gusto. Bakugou throws a spoon at him.
“Shut it Baldy,” he grunts, going back to chopping veggies. “And yes, I did, but now this fucker won’t stop texting me, insisting on making it up to me or some shit.”
“And this is a bad thing?” Todoroki summarizes slowly. Bakugou turns around in time to see him mouth why to Inasa before taking another generous sip of his drink. Inasa shrugs his stupidly large shoulders before asking, “Why is that a bad thing?”
Bakugou throws another spoon at him. “Because, I texted them so I could stop people from texting me. Now this person’s volunteering information to me about being a bartender and shit and constantly apologizing and it’s fucking annoying.”
“You know what’s interesting?” Camie muses, stirring her bloody mary with a long ass celery stick. “You’re getting all these text messages from this bartender, and you can like, so easily block this one number and be done with it, but you like, keeping responding. And keep, you know, not blocking.”
He can’t see it, but he knows Todoroki is nodding, the fucker.
“That is a good observation!” Inasa booms again, and Bakugou has to resist the urge to fling his entire cutlery set at the man’s thick skull. “Do you like this person Bakugou?”
“What’s there to like, I don’t even fucking know him!”
“Well,” Camie starts, takes a bite out of the celery stick, continues, “he’s well-mannered. Clearly good looking, because you got a LOT of penis pictures these past three months, and that also leads us to believe the business is doing really well, if so many patrons come in begging for a number. All good things, don’t you think?”
“I hate you,” Bakugou says, stirring the curry with barely repressed rage. “I hate all of you. I hate humanity. Fuck people.”
“Or fuck this person in specific,” Camie says gleefully. “You haven’t gotten laid in like 8 months boo, you need to get some.”
“You’re the actual fucking worst.”
“In all seriousness,” Todoroki interrupts, putting his empty glass down delicately, “why haven’t you blocked the number? It seems like an easy enough solution.” The asshole has the audacity to sound genuinely curious, if not slightly amused.
Bakugou hates everything.
“I don’t, I don’t fucking know, ok?” He finally admits through clenched teeth. The blonde kills the heat and places the curry on the counter while Camie brings out the rice and some pickled vegetables from the fridge. She pulls out a beer and twists the cap off before handing it to Bakugou, who snatches it away and takes a quick swig before continuing, “He’s actually kinda nice to me, I guess. And I like watching him be so sorry about all those penises. I may have also mentioned suing him for psychological distress.” Bakugou catches Todoroki’s gaze. “Can I do that?”
Todoroki hums, “You can try, but I don’t think you’ve got that solid a case. Plus, haven’t you deleted virtually all the evidence?”
Bakugou grips the neck of his beer bottle harder. “I fucking hate everything.”
bartender asshole
<image attached>
Bakugou
what the fuck
Bakugou
why are you sending me cat pics?
Bakugou
also that cat is stupidly cute
bartender asshole
I know right?????
bartender asshole
her name is ruby
bartender asshole
and id die for her
bartender asshole
i just figured ud be a cat person
Bakugou
………….
Bakugou
I hate u
bartender asshole
:D :D :D
Bakugou
ugh
Bakugou
Bakugou Katsuki
bartender asshole
:D :D :D :D :D
bartender asshole
HI BAKUGOU SO NICE TO KNOW UR NAME
Bakugou
I hate everything
bartender asshole
except ruby. Its not allowed
Bakugou
…………………………………
Bakugou
except ruby
bartender asshole
:D :D :D :D :D
Kirishima, it turns out, is a ray of fucking sunshine. Bakugou has a distinct feeling that looking at him directly would be a blinding experience.
Not that he knows who to look for though; he has no idea what this guy looks like. He guesses that he’s buff, with all the times he tells Bakugou about the gym showers running out of hot water and beating his best weights doing bench presses, but he knows nothing else.
He does know that he’s sweet as fuck, making it impossible for Bakugou to stay mad at him. He doesn’t blink at Bakugou’s cussing, and he sends him cute pictures of Ruby.
There is a part of him, small but steadily growing, that wants to meet this stupidly nice bartender.
Bakugou hates everything.
dumbass bartender
so what do you do???
Bakugou
front-end development and web design
dumbass bartender
oh damn!!!
dumbass bartender
so youre like smart smart
Bakugou
obviously
dumbass bartender
have I seen your work anywhere??
Bakugou
I recently redid the website of that protein powder company you don’t shut up about
dumbass bartender
????????????????????
dumbass bartender
that’s amazing!!!!!!!!!
dumbass bartender
I just revisited the website, it looks so cool
Bakugou
duh
Bakugou
im the best
dumbass bartender
I don’t doubt that!!! :D :D
Bakugou
don’t you have work?
dumbass bartender
aww bakubro are you looking out for me <3 <3
Bakugou
call me that again and I will fucking end you
dumbass bartender
before the free drinks??? That you are yet to redeem? ?? at my wonderful establishment?????????? :D :D :D
Bakugou
I hate everything.
dumbass bartender
D:
Bakugou
except RUBY DAMMIT
dumbass bartender
:D
“Just to recap,” Kaminari says with an incredulous look in his eyes, “this guy cusses like a sailor, is constantly insulting you, never initiates conversation, and you still like him?”
Kirishima’s answering grin is bashful. “I mean, when you put it like that it sounds not so great, but he’s really not that bad! He’s super funny and confident, and he LOVES Ruby. Plus, I don’t like him like that, I just think he’s cool.” Kirishima picks up another glass from the washer and starts carefully drying it with his dishcloth before saying, “And, you know, I did put him through a lot by giving out his number. His behaviour is kinda warranted if you ask me.”
“I mean, in the beginning maybe, but haven’t you guys been texting for over a week now?”
“Denki, are you forgetting that giving out another number was your idea?” Kirishima mutters, narrowing his eyes at his best friend. “I’m in this mess because of you.”
Kaminari suddenly seems to find the glass in his hand a lot more interesting. Kirishima’s laugh echoes around the empty bar.
‘What’s so funny?” Ashido muses, bringing a crate of bottled beer behind the counter.
“Kirishima is going gaga over angry dick pic man.”
“I’m not going gaga, what the heck-“
“I think it’s cute,” Ashido says with a big smile. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you actually be interested in somebody; it’s really cute!”
“I don’t like him like that,” Kirishima stresses, though his cheeks are a little warm. He can blame that on the lack of air conditioning, he thinks.
“We talking about angry dick pic man?” Sero asks with a shit-eating grin. “10 bucks say he’s actually a middle-aged guy with a cheese fetish.”
“That’s so random-“
“You’re on!” Ashido yells, slapping her hand into Sero’s. “I think he’ll be a hottie.”
“He hasn’t even said he’ll come,” Kirishima says, eyes downcast.
“He’ll come,” the three chorus, going about doing their tasks. Kirishima shakes his head fondly and finishes up with the glasses. Just as he’s put all the shot glasses away, he feels his phone vibrate.
Bakubro
just finished a massive project
Bakubro
could use a drink this weekend
Bakubro
know any good spots?
Kirishima’s face breaks into the biggest smile as he rushes to answer.
Kirishima
I know a bar that serves free drinks with your name on it!!!!
Kirishima
amazing food, dope music, the bestest drinks
Kirishima
ive heard the bartender is a great guy too
Bakubro
way to toot your own fucking horn damn
Kirishima
:DDDDD
Kirishima
bt seriously
Kirishima
please? ???? ??
Kirishima
PLEASEEEEEEEEE??????????????????
Bakubro
ugh
Bakubro
fine.
Bakubro
Friday night at 8
Kirishima looks up from the screen and calls out, “Denki!”
“Yeah?”
“Switch shifts with me, I’ll do Friday.”
“Um, ok, why though?”
Kirishima doesn’t respond, just goes back to texting, his heart thudding in his ribcage.
Kirishima
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Kirishima
cant wait :D
Bakubro
I’m bringing my stupid friends btw
Kirishima
wait
Kirishima
you have friends???????
Bakubro
I am going to end you
Bakubro
you know what? Fuck you im not coming
Kirishima
BAKUGOU NO
Kirishima
IM SORRY OFC U HAVE FRNDS
Kirishima
please come
Kirishima
how big a table should I reserve????
Bakubro
don’t bother
Kirishima
IM SORRRYYYYYYYYYY
Kirishima
<image attached>
<image attached>
<image attached>
Bakubro
bastard
Bakubro
you playing dirty by sending me pics of Ruby
Kirishima
need to weaken your guard somehow
Kirishima
pls tell me it worked
Bakubro
ugh
Bakubro
ill be there
Bakubro
reserve a table for 4
Bakubro
your stupid bar better be worth it
Kirishima
I promise it will be!!!!
Kirishima whoops in joy, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He looks up to see three sets of eyes looking at him with varying degrees of amusement.
“You get a really mushy look on your face when you’re texting him, it’s almost gross,” Sero points out with a laugh.
“Hush you,” Ashido admonishes, whipping her dishcloth at him. She walks over to Kirishima and gives him a big hug. “I think it’s very, very precious.”
“What did he say?”
“He’s coming this Friday!” Kirishima beams, holding Ashido closer against his side.
The three giggle.
“10 bucks say Kirishima messes up the drinks at least once.”
“HEY!”
Ashido squeezes around his middle. “Hon, I love you, but I’m not dumb enough to go against that.”
“HEY!”
They end up laughing and fibbing at each other for the rest of the prep time, and Kirishima feels his heart absolutely soar.
Friday brings with it crunch time, running lines and lines of code, having a mini-breakdown because the stupid text block keeps floating around on the webpage like it’s in outer fucking space, being forced into one of Camie’s ridiculous vlogs and having an existential crisis about what to wear on a non-date get-together with the guy that ruined Bakugou’s life for close to three months.
Camie spends most of the day laughing at him. Bakugou throws more condiments at her.
“Fucking help me at least, you useless wench,” Bakugou growls, shifting to clothes as he throws a pair of jeans at her. Camie dances out of the way and doubles over, laughing till she tears up from the force of it all.
“I can’t, I just can’t,” she wheezes. “Did you just say wench? What era are you from babe?”
“FUCK OFF,” he roars, leaping towards her. Camie shrieks and ducks away, making a beeline towards his closet.
“Ok, ok, let’s get you dressed! What kinda look are you trying for?”
“Fuck if I know,” he grouses, feeling oddly out of his depth. He wants to look good, but he has no idea for what.
That’s a lie, he knows why. He just won’t admit it.
“Well, why don’t we pick something simple but flattering? Plus, if it's in your style, you’re bound to be more comfy.” Camie pulls out a pair of black jeans that are ripped at the knees, a black fitted round-neck tee shirt, and some black boots. While he’s changing, Camie pulls out a silver chain, some bands for his wrists and a collection of rings.
“Do you want me to do your eyes?” she offers, holding up some mascara and an eye pencil. Bakugou shrugs and sits on the edge of his bed. Camie’s smile is soft as she stands between his thighs, gently but efficiently applying his make-up. When she’s done, he walks over to the mirror to look at himself, and he has to admit- he looks good. Always one to take care of his body and his figure, Bakugou is lean muscle packed into a 5’10” body. His blonde hair is as messy as ever, but the combination of his make-up, the accessories and his clothes give him an edgy look like no other. Camie throws a dark fitted jacket at him before sauntering over to her own room.
He continues to reply to some work emails when his phone buzzes.
dumbass
cant wait to see you!!!
dumbass
just ask for me at the bar
dumbass
or I might be the one to greet you!! :D :D
Bakugou
I know dumbass
Bakugou
what, are you nervous or some shit?
dumbass
I mean, kinda????
dumbass
it’s our first time meeting afterall
dumbass
I don’t even know wat you look like!!!!
Bakugou
blonde wearing all black
dumbass
redhead wearing a shirt with the riot logo!
Bakugou
whatever
Bakugou
ill be there at 8
Dumbass
cant wait <33333
Bakugou
dumbass
Bakugou scoffs, his own nerves calming at the thought that he’s not the only one that’s a bit out of sorts. It’s nice to know that sunshine Kirishima is jittery about all this.
Also, interesting to know that he’s a redhead. Bakugou can’t quite imagine it, but in a few minutes, he won't need to.
His stomach roils with anticipation, and Bakugou hates every single thing.
Camie pops out of her room at half-past 7 in a maroon romper that cuts above her mid-thigh, hair done in a loose bun, makeup absolutely perfect. Her heels put her at a height taller than Bakugou, but he’s gotten used to being the shortest in their stupid posse. Doesn’t piss him off any less though.
She gets a phone call just as she pushes a tube of lip gloss into her purse.
“We are downstairs!” Inasa’s voice rings through her speaker, stupidly loud.
“Can it, baldy,” Bakugou grunts with a roll of his eyes, “we’ll be there in a sec.”
“See ya!”
Before Bakugou can usher Camie out the door, she pushes her clutch into his hands and walks over to the kitchen cabinet, pulling out two shot glasses and a bottle of tequila.
“Wha-“
“Liquid courage, my dude,” she says, pouring two generous shots and pushing one at Bakugou. She picks her own glass up and gives him a devilish smirk, “Bottoms up bitch!”
Bakugou picks the glass up with a resigned sigh but smirks back equally devilish. They cheers, smack the glasses against the counter and drain them smoothly. Camie puts the glasses in the sink, places a smacking kiss on Bakugou’s cheek and laughs brightly as she dances out of the way of his rage.
They finally load up in Inasa’s range rover, Todoroki plays classical Japanese music over the speakers and Bakugou regrets everything.
Riot is apparently something of a beloved establishment in its neighbourhood, and Bakugou growls when he sees how long the line leading to the bar is.
“Holy moly, that’s a lot of people!” Camie points out helpfully as she disembarks from the car.
Todoroki straightens his two-tone denim jacket and runs a hand through his hair as he says, “We have a reservation, so I think it’ll be fine?”
“Yes, I agree with you Todoroki,” Inasa beams, locking the car behind him as they walk towards the building. The outside is made of exposed brick and neon lights, and the RIOT sign is a deep red colour, eye-catching and beautiful.
They bypass the people in the line and walk up to the bouncer, who eyes them warily. He’s built like an absolute tank, broad and block-like, and his silver hair shines in the artificial light.
“Can I help you?”
“Bakugou, table for 4,” Camie says cheerily. The bouncer looks immediately enamoured with her before his eyes go wide.
“Wait, Eijirou’s Bakugou?”
Bakugou’s ears burn at that.
“I’m not fucking anybody’s!” he snaps. The bouncer immediately looks at him, and his face breaks into an even wider grin.
“Well, I’ll be damned! Can I see some ID real quick?”
Bakugou cusses colourfully under his breath but pulls out his license, and after a quick check, the bouncer, whose name is Tetsutetsu, steps aside to let them in.
“Have a good time!” he says happily, almost too happily. Bakugou feels his hackles rise.
“What the fuck?”
“It appears that Kirishima talks about you at least as much as you talk about him,” Todoroki observes, walking next to Bakugou.
“I don’t talk about him, fuck you!”
Todoroki’s delicately raised brow makes him want to punch something. Or someone. Preferably both.
“Fuck you all,” he reiterates before stomping inside.
Now, Bakugou is a relatively creative soul – his job kinda demands it – so it’s not his fault that he’s actually quite captivated by the interiors of this stupidly popular bar co-owned by a stupidly nice person.
The inside has exposed brick as well, and most of the furniture seems to be retro. There are large pipes and barrels behind the bar, made of what seems to be pure copper. Black marble covers the bar tops, and the lights are a mix of neon and muted whites, bright enough to see but still bathing the room in an alluring aura. There’s music thumping through the speakers, loud enough to dispel any silence but still at a bearable volume.
“Swanky,” Camie whistles, taking it all in.
Bakugou nods begrudgingly before setting his eyes on the bar.
“I’ll go get us a fucking table,” he mutters before walking over, hands digging deep into his pant pockets. He sees a lanky black-haired guy and a girl with tan skin and pink hair behind the bar, talking animatedly with the patrons as they serve them drinks at a dizzying pace.
When he finally gets a spot at the counter, the pink-haired girl finishes up with a customer and bounds over to him.
“Hi,” she greets, smile wide and happy, “haven’t seen you around before! What can I get you?”
“Kirishima,” Bakugou says because apparently, his brain to mouth filter has decided to abandon him in his time of need. The girl tilts her head in confusion and Bakugou feels the life drain out of him.
“I’m sorry?”
“I’m fuckin here because of dumbass Kirishima,” Bakugou barely grits out, fingers digging into his palms painfully. “The name is Bakugou, table for 4?”
He sees it all in slow-mo- the way her mouth goes slack, the way her eyes light up like firecrackers on New Year’s, and then the way her smile becomes positively blinding. He hates her already.
“Holy shit,” she breathes, “of course! So glad you’re here! Oye, Sero?”
“What?” the black-haired guy says without looking, topping up a perfectly poured glass of beer.
“You owe me 10 bucks.”
This gets his attention- he hands the drink off and looks at her, “Why would I-“
The girl just gestures at Bakugou and winks, “It’s him.”
Sero – or plain face, Bakugou’s brain helpfully supplies – immediately looks at him, his eyes widening. “Shit, seriously? Aw, man.” His smile becomes mischievous. “I’ll get Kirishima.” He opens the door behind the bar and disappears.
“What the fuck was that?” Bakugou snaps, beyond irritated to be so out of the loop.
“Nothing, nothing,” Pinky sings, raising her hands in a placating gesture. “Kirishima will show your party to your table. Do you want anything in the meantime?”
“… a beer,” Bakugou concedes because he’s not dumb enough to not get a drink before he sees Kirishima if he can help it.
“Coming right up!”
He waits at the bar, watching as his group of dumbasses ooh and ahh at the place, looking delighted. A bottle of cold beer hits the counter with a satisfying thunk, bringing his attention back to the bartop.
“Enjoy!” Pinky still has a stupid smile on her face but before Bakugou can say anything, the door behind her is thrown open and plain face steps out.
“The restocking can wait, literally the only thing you’ve talked about for the last 3 days is finally happening.”
The guy following him is all tanned skin and thick muscles under a fitted deep red tee shirt. His hair is a bright unnatural red, pulled into a high pony with a few strands still framing his face. His eyes are a softer red than Bakugou’s own, his cheeks sharp and high, and when his eyes meet Bakugou’s, a zip of electricity races down his spine and along his limbs till he can feel it in his toes.
When the man makes his way over, Bakugou also notes how damn tall he is- easily around 6’4”. His smile is shy, and he smells like sandalwood.
“Bakugou, hi,” he breathes, hesitantly holding his hand out. Bakugou takes it in a daze, still amazed by just how stupidly beautiful this stupidly kind bar owner is.
“Heyyo, you disappeared fam, how’s it going?”
Bakugou hates everything.
He reluctantly slips his hand out of Kirishima’s warm, firm grip and turns to Camie with venomous eyes. “I literally just met him Cam, shut the fuck up.” He turns back to Kirishima, “Can you show us to our table?”
Kirishima shakes his head once before his smile turns blinding, and Bakugou finds himself fighting the urge to shield his eyes. “Of course,” he says in a voice that’s deep and warm and honey-like, “right this way!”
Bakugou snags his beer off the counter and takes a quick swig before Camie steals it and takes a few sips of her own. He growls at her but otherwise behaves, watching Kirishima’s back as he leads them through throngs of people engaged in cheerful conversation.
“Ok, well, he’s hot,” Cam says around the lip of the bottle. “Total beefcake. Whaddya think, boo?”
“I think you should fuck off,” Bakugou hisses, his face burning.
“If you wanted to go on a date, you probably shouldn’t have invited us,” Todoroki says, taking the offered bottle from Camie.
Before Bakugou can explode in their faces, Kirishima stops and turns around. “Here ya go!” He gestures to a table behind him, tucked into a more private corner of the bar. It’s large and cushy, and when Bakugou gets in after Camie, he’s surprised at how soft the material is.
“So?” Kirishima says, eyes trained on Bakugou.
“Fuckin what?” Bakugou snaps, voice lacking any heat.
Kirishima laughs, head thrown back to reveal a long, thick neck and Bakugou is so damn weak.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”
Bakugou clicks his tongue before gesturing at each of them, “Camie, marketing expert by day, YouTube beauty vlogger by night, pain in my ass always. Todoroki, environmental lawyer and a soba obsessed weirdo. Inasa, physiotherapist and resident dumbass.”
Kirishima gives them all a wave before saying, “Kirishima, co-owner of Riot and the reason why Bakugou saw more unwarranted penises than strictly necessary in a lifetime.”
“Asshole,” Bakugou grumbles, earning him another laugh and a bashful hand ruffling the back of Kirishima’s head.
“Still so sorry about that man,” Kirishima offers, “everything’s definitely on the house for you all! Speaking of ordering-“ Kirishima moves on to explain their ordering system-
“You can scan the code with your camera app,” the redhead says, pointing at the barcode on the centrepiece of their table, “and it pulls up our bar and food menu. Just enter your order and your table number,” he points at the large digits on the side that glows a bright 15 back at them.
Inasa pulls his phone out to order. Before he leaves, Kirishima says, “Can I get your drink order before I go?”
Camie asks for a LIIT, Inasa gets a Soju bomb and Todoroki starts off with his usual- a cosmo.
“You good on that beer?” Kirishima asks Bakugou warmly, his eyes dancing with mirth.
“I’m fine,” he grumbles, sliding lower into his seat. “Maybe get me another, your choice?”
“Coming right up,” Kirishima beams before stepping away, and Bakugou’s heart splutters around his chest at the sight of sharp white teeth and cheek-aching grins.
“He’s so cute!” Camie squeals, stealing the last of his beer. “And he’s totes into you too.”
“I have to agree, he’s very attractive,” Todoroki says impassively.
“Certified hottie,” Inasa rounds up, flashing his own biceps for some reason.
Bakugou is so done, and they’ve been here all 5 minutes.
“Kirishim- Kirishima, the beer is overflowing,” Ashido says, pushing him away and taking over. “God, you’re so gone for him, it’s almost embarrassing.”
Kirishima snaps out of his stupor and moves to take the glass back. Ashido hip checks him away.
“You’re being a little stupid, go help Satou with plating and take the food to lover boy’s table.”
“He has a name, you know,” Kirishima mumbles, but Ashido simply laughs, and Kirishima feels his neck and ears go warm.
Because who let Bakugou walk into his bar looking like that? Looking so damn gorgeous in his all-black get up and his perfect eye make-up and that fierce scowl?
Kirishima’s heart had pretty much stopped at the sight of him, and it was yet to regain its usual rhythm.
The redhead rests his forehead against the wall and mumbles, “I’m so screwed.”
“We know buddy,” Sero says, patting his back sympathetically, “we know.”
For all that Bakugou hates outings and people and outings in places filled with people, he finds himself having a moderately good time.
Because the food is delicious if lacking a little heat, the alcohol is mixed perfectly and the music is fantastic, filtering through old rock classics with some alt stuff mixed in.
And then there’s Kirishima- tending the bar with ease, laughing along with his co-workers, and sending Bakugou wide, happy smiles that sets his entire face on fire.
“This place is awesome,” Camie whoops, banging another shot glass on the table before knocking it back with ease. Todoroki joins her, his impassive face not so much as twitching at the taste of strong tequila before he bites into a lime. Inasa is already beer drunk, cheeks dusky as he hums along to the music.
“Insufferable,” Bakugou mumbles around his 4th-ish beer. He likes to keep up his grumpy act till his last shred of dignity melts away cause of the alcohol, and he’s probably pretty hit already because he lets Camie pull him into her side with her arm around his shoulder, his nose suddenly privy to the scent of her mellow perfume.
“I love you guys,” Camie beams, picking up her beer and waving it in front of her. Todoroki and Inasa clink their drinks against it, and Bakugou silently waves his own bottle around before downing it.
“You guys good on- oh my god, are you Camie? THE Camie?”
It’s Pinky at their table and her eyes are so comically wide that Bakugou can’t help his snort of laughter. He feels Camie straighten up, but her arm around him stays, holding him close.
“Define THE Camie,” she says with a smile in her voice.
“The beauty blogger that I’ve only been following for the last 3 years, holy shit I love your videos.” And then suddenly, her eyes narrow on Bakugou before she snaps her fingers. “NO WONDER YOU LOOK FAMILIAR! You’re the angry blonde in all her videos!”
“Haan? You wanna go pinky?” Bakugou growls, moving to stand up. Camie keeps him firmly by her side, her laughter shaking them both.
“That’s us!” Camie says. Bakugou finally fights his way out of her grip and throws her a withering look, or his drunken attempt at one anyway. She winks, and he fake gags. “I don’t get recognized in public all that often LOL, this is fun.”
“Did you just say LOL in a verbal fucking conversation?”
“What do you mean you don’t get recognized; you literally have like 3.2million subscribers.”
Camie ignores Bakugou and shrugs at Pinky. “I guess my primary demographic aint here fam. Speaking of which,” she thrusts her hand out, “what’s your name?”
“Ashido Mina,” she says, taking her hand firmly. Camie introduces her to the others, and Bakugou looks back at the bar, disappointed to see that he can’t find Kirishima.
“Can I top you guys off?” Kirishima says, suddenly right next to their table, effectively startling the shit outta Bakugou.
Camie chirps an affirmative, Todoroki asks for a water and checks to see if Inasa’s breathing as the big olf continues to sleep, curled up in the corner of the booth.
“And you Bakubro?”
“Don’t call me that,” Bakugou frowns before adding, “I should probably stop, I’m already kinda tipsy.”
“Lightweight,” Camie teases.
Bakugou gives her the stink eye. “Woman, the one time I tried keeping up with you, I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and you didn’t have so much as a hangover, so fuck off.”
“Seriously?” Kirishima says, eyes wide.
“That’s amazing,” Ashido murmurs, her smile crooked and dangerous.
Bakugou. Hates. Everything.
“He had no lasting liver damage, we’re all fine,” Camie reassures before diving into a conversation with Mina about beauty hacks and good mascara brands and global warming.
Kirishima leans close to Bakugou, bathing him in that warm sandalwood scent. “How about I get you some water and one last beer? A Hefeweizen?”
Bakugou turns to look at him, and his breath hitches in his throat when he notices how close they are, when he sees just how red Kirishima’s eyes are, how the heat seems to radiate off his skin. He exhales in a rush and looks away, answering with a jerky nod.
Kirishima gives his shoulder a friendly squeeze – he’s so warm, his hand is fucking huge – before walking to the bar and picking their stuff up.
When pinky finally meanders away from their table to serve other customers, Camie leans her head on Bakugou’s shoulder and says, “We’ll leave soon, ok?”
Bakugou nods again, leaning some of his weight back into her. Todoroki catches his eye and flashes him a warm, tipsy smile, and if he returns it with one of his own, well, he’s drunk out of his skull and has approximately no fucks to give.
Long after putting Bakugou and his posse in a cab, before which they insisted on paying pretty much the entire tab since they ate and drank a LOT, Kirishima and the rest are cleaning up when Ashido whips him with her cleaning rag.
Kirishima looks at her with betrayed eyes, “Wha-“
“Ei, you better text him again.”
“About what?” Kirishima says glumly. “I did what I said I would do, and I promised to leave him alone after that.”
“Boy please,” Ashido scoffs, roughly wiping down one of the tables, “ya’ll made such gooey eyes at each other all night, plus I’m pretty sure he paid the entire tab just so you could keep up whatever façade you guys have going on to cover up the fact that you have INSANE chemistry with one another.”
“Yeah, the tension was palpable bro,” Sero chimes in, throwing an arm around his waist. “I think you should text him too. He seemed really amusing, and his whole group was a riot.”
Kirishima rolls his eyes at the pun but smiles at them, feeling a new burst of energy in his limbs.
“You guys are absolutely right! Worst case, he blocks me. At least I won’t have any regrets.”
“Yeah boy, get it with that optimism.”
Bakugou wakes up to a slight headache, a mouth that tastes like ash, and a profound sadness that settles atop his sternum, weighing him down and pressing him into his mattress.
He sees the glass of water on his bedside table with ibuprofen placed neatly next to it and downs them both without so much as a second thought. As his brain slowly comes back online, he takes a moment to finally navigate his messy feelings and comes to a crushing realization-
Kirishima doesn’t have to text him anymore.
The redhead had said that he’d leave him alone after making it up to him, and yes, it was Bakugou’s standoffish nature that got them into that situation in the first place. And yes, Bakugou had paid the tab mostly because it was too high a bill to be footed by the bar and Bakugou made bank, but also because a small, minuscule part of him hoped that the gesture would make Kirishima insist on another outing or something to ‘make it up to him'.
The blonde doesn’t even bother to acknowledge the fact that he forgave Kirishima almost two days into texting him.
He almost avoids his phone out of fear alone and makes it through a whole cup of coffee and 3 chapters into a novel recommended by Deku before finally picking up his phone to check for emails and notifications.
He expects none from Kirishima.
So, of course, there are 3 from the redhead.
Bakugou’s heart leaps to his throat and he can’t seem to unlock his phone quite fast enough.
fuck he’s cute
hi Bakugou, thank you for coming last night!!!
fuck he’s cute
it was actually really cool 2 finally meet you. U didn’t have to pay the tab tho :’D
fuck he’s cute
bt since u did, I still owe u. can we figure it out later??? Also, what did you think of the place???
Bakugou
dumbass
Bakugou
you’ve got a swanky place, I’ll give you that. Food was fucking good too. could be spicier.
Bakugou
you got cam completely hooked
Bakugou
and yeah, you better make it up to me later. Asshole.
Kirishima replies a few hours later, just as Bakugou finishes up a yoga routine that stretches out his back in the best way possible.
fuck he’s cute
:D :D :D :D :D
fuck he’s cute
can’t wait
fuck he’s cute
<image attached>
fuck he’s cute
ruby says hi
It’s a selfie this time, not a picture of just the kitty. Bakugou can appreciate how cute the mutt is, but for once, he has no attention to spare her. Not when Kirishima’s eyes are crinkling around the edges from how hard he smiles up at the camera, not when he’s wearing a tank top with relaxed arm holes, showing off bulging muscles and hints of ink, and not when just the mere thought of him makes Bakugou’s stomach flop around uncontrollably.
He barely manages to reply coherently.
Bakugou
the only bright spot in this shitty world
He presses his phone to his forehead and quietly contemplates just how gay he is. Camie pets his head on the way to the kitchen.
It takes Bakugou some time to get used to waking up to Good Morning texts and a stream of random thoughts from Kirishima all day. The flutter in his stomach disappears a few weeks into talking to the redhead, instead replaced by a bone-deep warmth that always manages to make him feel a little better.
dumbass kirishima
GOOOOOOOD MORNING :D
dumbass Kirishima
someone threw up on my fave shoes last night
Bakugou
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Bakugou
suffer
dumbass Kirishima
y u so mean to me ☹ ☹
Bakugou
cause its fuckin hilarious
dumbass Kirishima
☹
Bakugou
ugh
Bakugou
<image attached>
[it’s a picture of Bakugou’s balcony, and all his plants look vibrant green as the sun hits them just right]
dumbass Kirishima
:D :D :D
dumbass Kirishima
legit felt my serotonin just spike
dumbass Kirishima
thxxxxxx
Bakugou
whatever
Bakuguo
dumbass
---
Bakugou
if I plan a murder can I count on your stupid muscles to help me move the body
dumbass Kirishima
D:
dumbass Kirishima
at least take me out to dinner b4 involving me in your crimes
dumbass Kirishima
what a lack of manners
Bakugou
stfu
dumbass Kirishima
:”D :”D
dumbass Kirishima
youre joking right?
dumbass Kirishima
right??
dumbass Kirishima
RIGHT?????
dumbass Kirishima
BAKUGOU THIS IS A BAD TIME TO LEAVE ME HANGING BRO DO NOT DO THIS
Bakugou
don’t call me bro
dumbass Kirishima
THAT IS NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW
Bakugou
lol I didn’t do shit dumbass don’t worry
Bakugou
or did I?
dumbass Kirishima
BAKUGOU NO
---
dumbass Kirishima
<image attached>
[it’s a gym selfie; Kirishima is crouching in front of the mirror shirtless, hair pulled into a bun atop his head. He’s glistening with sweat, and he’s got a more serious look on his face. He’s not actively flexing any muscle, but the pose makes his thighs, calves and biceps bulge. One hand holds the phone, the other is resting on his bent knee]
dumbass Kirishima
working on deez gainz
Bakugou
what time do you usually workout
dumbass Kirishima
depends on my schedule actually
dumbass Kirishima
I prefer the morning, but when I take the late night shift I usually go be4 work the next day
Bakugou
hmmm
Bakugou
let me know
Bakugou
maybe we can go together
dumbass Kirishima
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Bakugou
ugh I changed my mind
dumbass Kirishima
:D :D :D :D
dumbass Kirishima
no takebacksies
Bakugou
fucking fantastic
dumbass Kirishima
:D :D :D
---
“So, let me get this straight- you guys gym together at least once a week, you talk every day, your stomach flutters at the mere thought of him and Cam swears he’s making googly eyes at you all the time, and you still haven’t asked each other out yet?”
Bakugou flips his phone off, “Fuck off Deku, don’t be a little shit.”
Midoriya’s face morphs into an amused smile on the other end of their facetime call, “Are you being bashful Kacchan? That’s adorable.”
“I’m hanging up.”
“NOOOOO,” Midoriya bemoans dramatically. “I can’t believe I’m missing all this.”
“Yeah, well, who the fuck told you to teach kids English halfway across the world dumbass?”
“I miss you too Kacchan,” Midoriya beams, making a heart with his hands.
“I truly loathe you.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Midoriya puts a few papers away before sighing. “So?”
“So what?”
“So, are you going to make a move? How do you plan on doing it?”
“I don’t,” Bakugou ruffles his hair and ducks his head to hide his rapidly warming cheeks, “I’m not asking him out Deku, fuck that.”
“Why not?” the asshole whines, eyes wide and innocent. “You deserve happiness Kacchan. Plus, he seems like a really nice guy.” Midoriya leans forward and adds in a whisper, “I’ve heard he has a fantastic butt.”
Bakugou rolls his eyes and flips him off again, “Fuck off, you can’t say that without actually meeting him.”
“I’ll be back before then. You guys better be dating already when I get there.”
“Stop telling me what to do, shitty Deku!”
“Never Kacchan, that’s what you do for the people you love.”
“Ugh, how are you so gross when you’re so far away, I hate you.”
Midoriya’s laugh sounds tinny over the phone speaker, lacking its usual body and warmth. Bakugou huffs again before picking his novel back up to read.
“Hi Zuku,” Camie calls out from over Bakugou’s shoulder. “You need to come back soon and help me with Kitkat, he refuses to make the first move!”
“Butt out of my fucking love life, you freaks!”
“Can’t butt out of something that doesn’t exist Kats,” Camie deadpans.
Bakugou feels extremely justified in flinging a stress ball right at her. The kitchen fills up with raucous laughter, from his phone and from the person standing in front of him, and Bakugou thinks that adding a deeper, warmer laugh to the mix, coming from a specific redhead might not be the worst thing in the world.
Kiri
bakugouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Bakugou
what?
Kiri
just wanted to say hi <3
Bakugou
wth
Kiri
we still on fr the gym tomorrow?
Bakugou
obviously you dumbass
Bakugou
I need you to spot me
Bakugou
im beating my personal best tomorrow or im going to die trying
Kiri
so manly :O :O :O
Kiri
I’ve got you bruh
Bakugou
don’t call me that
Bakugou
and I know you do
Kiri
<3 <3
---
Bakugou
<link>
Bakugou
that playlist you were asking about
Kiri
u da bomb katsuki
Bakugou
katsuki huh?
Bakugou
getting cocky I see
Kiri
I mean, weve known each other for like 4 months now???
Kiri
ur one of my closest pals
Kiri
I don’t have to, I just thought ud like it more than bro
Bakugou
I do like it more than bro
Bakugou
eijirou
Bakugou
I guess ur not terrible
Eijirou
????
Eijirou
did you just?? pay me????? A compliment??
Eijirou
who r u and wat have you done to katsuki?
Bakugou
fuck you
Bakugou
just fuck you
Eijirou
<3 <3 <3
Bakugou wakes up one morning, approximately 5 months after meeting Kirishima for the first time, with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.
His work goes smoothly. The coffee tastes potent and fresh, his body feels fine, his plants are thriving, Camie is busy with her own deadlines and therefore not bugging him, even the sun is mellow and warm; the perfect weather.
The pit in his stomach worsens with every hour.
It doesn’t help that all of his messages to Kirishima have gone unanswered; he hasn’t even been online all day. In the months that they’ve communicated, he’s never gone a day without texting the man, and now it’s like he fell off the face of the Earth.
When it gets closer to 6 in the evening, Bakugou decides to call if Kirishima doesn’t get in touch himself. Because the pit in his stomach is making him nauseous, and he needs to know if the redhead is ok if only for the sake of his own damn health.
He gets a call from an unknown number at 5:20 in the evening. The pit in his stomach becomes a yawning chasm as he picks up the call.
“Hello?”
“Bakugou, it’s Ashido, from the bar.”
Bakugou pulls in a deep breath. “Where is Kirishima?”
“Um, there was an incident last night, at Riot.” She sighs deeply before continuing, “Kiri got jumped in the alley outside by a bunch of really drunk homophobic assholes that saw him turn down some guy’s number. He actually fought them off for the most part, but he’s sustained a broken nose and some fractured ribs. We’re at the hospital right now.”
Bakugou sinks to the ground, his stomach plummeting with him. “Are you fucking serious right now? Fuck-“
“I’ll text you the hospital details, ok? I’m sorry we didn’t call sooner, between talking to his moms and the hospital folks, it slipped my mind.”
“I’ll be there,” Bakugou says, standing up on shaky feet and stumbling back to his room. “Just don’t leave him alone.”
“Never in a million years.”
They hang up and Bakugou changes, hails a cab, and gets to the hospital in a complete daze.
His affection for the redhead, brimming and spilling from every crevice, makes itself evident when he lays eyes on him in the hospital bed and feels a surge of protectiveness. He wants to kill the people that did this, he wants to gather Kirishima in his arms and hold him tight, he wants to crawl into bed with him and talk about stupid shit and see him smile again.
“He’s pretty high on pain meds right now,” Ashido says from somewhere behind him, pointing to his IV lines, “so he’s been saying really funny stuff. The doctors did a full evaluation and said he should recover completely in 5ish weeks.”
Bakugou nods and swallows thickly. Ashido squeezes his arm before leaving the hospital room, shutting the door behind her softly.
Kirishima hasn’t seen him yet, so Bakugou approaches his bed carefully before placing a hand on the guardrail. The noise pulls Kirishima’s attention towards him, and Bakugou’s gut tightens when those large, warm eyes go completely soft at the sight of him.
“Kassaki~” Kirishima slurs, his smile large and dopey.
“You absolute dumbass,” Bakugou chokes out, his hand moving from the rail to grip Kirishima’s tightly. Kirishima’s fingers twine with his own with practised ease and his smile turns gooey.
“Hi Kats, you look beautiful today.”
Bakugou half-laughs, half-sobs and rubs his eyes fiercely. Kirishima’s face is a bit bruised, and there’s a huge bandage on his nose, but he doesn’t look nearly as bad as Bakugou had first feared. The pit in his stomach finally calms, slowly loosening until he can breathe normally again.
“Shut up Eiji,” Bakugou grumbles, sitting down on the chair beside the bed. He leaves his hand in Kirishima’s.
“Ok,” Kirishima agrees easily. It takes 10 seconds for him to break the silence again.
“Hey Kats?”
“What?”
“Are we dating?”
Bakugou startles at that, eyes snapping over to Kirishima’s. He doesn’t look accusatory or hurt or weirded out or anything- merely curious.
“No, we’re not.”
“Oh.” Kirishima frowns, “Why not?”
Bakugou huffs out a small laugh, “Because we’re both idiots.”
“Oh,” the redhead says, then nods. “That kinda tracks.”
“HEY!”
Kirishima’s smile becomes dopey again, eyes crinkling in the most endearing way.
“I really like you Kats. You’re so smart and funny and you always smell like fabric softener, and you’re just like. Really pretty.”
Bakugou feels his face heat up completely, his grip on Kirishima’s hand tightening.
“Just rest, you dumbass,” Bakugou says weakly, his entire body too hot for comfort. He watches Kirishima’s smile become something warm and loving in a way that hits his heart, and he doesn’t let go of the redhead’s hand, right up until the end of visiting hours.
When he exits the hospital alongside Ashido, he feels the last of his energy drain.
“I cant believe we didn’t get to him sooner,” Ashido mumbles, rubbing at her eyes fiercely. “The bar was noisy, and he just wanted to dump out some trash. Hanta noticed he was gone a while before we went out back and found him punching the last dude.”
Bakugou purses his lips. Truth be told, he cant believe Kirishima had gotten so badly hurt so close to his own bar, and he’s pissed as fuck that the idiot brigade had even let it happen, but the sincerity in Ashido’s voice tugs at his chest painfully.
“I’m sure he’ll forgive you.” Bakugou laughs humorlessly. “He’ll probably say there’s nothing to forgive in the first place.”
Ashido’s laugh is hollow, “That’s our Eijirou.” She looks at Bakugou again. “You coming tomorrow?”
He flashes her his best sneer. “You best believe I’m going to come by every single fucking day till he’s discharged.”
Ashido’s smile becomes a little more genuine, a little more well-rounded.
“I’m really glad he has you.” Her voice goes all soft and gross as she continues, “You mean a LOT to him, in case you didn’t already know.”
“Fuck off,” Bakugou mumbles, before waving her off and walking away.
Because he does know.
He also knows he’s falling madly in love with him, and that he’s completely and utterly screwed.
And he finds that he really doesn’t mind all that much. Some people, he rationalizes, are worth the horrible butterflies and the too hot too cold feelings down the back of his spine.
Some people, he realizes, are worth loving with everything you’ve got.
It takes Kirishima five weeks of house arrest to recover completely. Bakugou spends every weekday and a few of the weekends with him, staying over more often than not. He fusses over the redhead, forces him to take his medication on time, and cooks him everything under the sun.
“You’re spoiling me,” the redhead whines when Bakugou serves him what smells like the best mapo tofu he’s ever going to have.
The blonde grins triumphantly, “You’re damn right I am.”
They bicker and banter constantly, but they also curl up and marathon old bond movies at night. Kirishima goes over the bar’s paperwork while Bakugou works off his couch, and they take turns making the coffee. Ruby falls in love with Bakugou and curls up on his chest every chance she gets, and Bakugou laughs at Kirishima’s look of betrayal. The redhead’s couch is ridiculously comfortable, and he leaves his memory foam pillow with the blonde.
“You refuse to take my bed,” he grumbles, “so you damn well better accept my stupid pillow.”
Bakugou’s neck thanks the redhead profusely.
It’s new and weird, living with someone for the first time. Kirishima’s posse are in and out through the day, and Camie comes by just as often, bringing a change of clothes and gossip with her. Todoroki drops in with some high-quality tequila sometimes and Inasa brings his infectious energy, and through all of this, Kirishima remains in high spirits, even if he goes a little stir crazy sometimes.
It’s new and it’s weird, going from casual touches to more loving ones, more comforting ones. It becomes commonplace for Bakugou to rest his head between Kirishima’s shoulder blades on the days that he has a bad time at work. It’s normal for Kirishima to place his head on Bakugou’s lap while they watch shark documentaries. It’s easy for them to bump knees and press their calves together while enjoying their morning coffee.
It’s new and it’s weird and it’s amazing.
Because Bakugou finds himself falling in love with the little things. The way Kirishima sticks his tongue out when he’s smashing the PS5 controller during an especially intense game of Mario party, the way he makes the coffee with a sleepy smile on his face, the way he hums off-key to a song that’s stuck in his head, the way he can understand Bakugou- can differentiate between his frustrated fuck, his bashful fuck, his angry fuck, his sleepy fuck.
And how he accepts it all without so much as a hitch in his step.
Bakugou watches himself fall in love, slowly, and then all at once.
“How is it that he lived with you for almost 5 weeks and you STILL didn’t ask him out? Or kiss him stupid? Or something?”
Sero has a finger pinching the bridge of his nose, the other flexing loosely in front of his chest as he tries to fathom the stupidity of two people that could not be more into each other if they tried.
“I, I uh-“ Kirishima hangs his head, “I have no excuse.” He sighs deeply. “I was scared he’d give me a pity answer cause I was injured and everything.”
Ashido looks over her shoulder with incredulous eyes. “Are you kidding me?”
“What?”
“Eiji, I know you love us so like, if any of us were hurt like this you’d take care of us till we were better too. But do you think someone like BAKUGOU would practically move into someone’s house to make sure they were ok if he wasn’t nuts about them? Really?”
Kirishima’s face flushes, and he waves her away. “I don’t want to read into it. He’s just a really, really, really good guy. And what we have is good, it’s great! We’re bros. Pals. Friends. It’s all good.”
Ashido continues to stare at him for another moment before throwing her hands up and yelling, “BOYS!” She stomps into the kitchen to help Satou with prep for the day.
They continue to stock up the bar, Kirishima assigned to prepping limes and the ice machine, when the door opens and someone steps in.
“Sorry, we’re not op- Bakugou?”
And there stands the blonde with the biggest bouquet of flowers – chrysanthemums and sunflowers – that Kirishima has ever seen. The redhead distantly hears the sound of a door close behind him, and suddenly they’re alone, the tension positively stifling.
“Bakugo-“
“Go on a date with me.”
Kirishima sucks in a startled breath, his heart hammering in his chest.
“Go on a date. With me,” Bakugou repeats, his neck and ears tinging the loveliest shade of red. “The romantic kind. Where we dress up and get food and drinks and fight over the bill and walk each other to the door and get super awkward before we kiss. All that shit.”
Kirishima isn’t sure how it happens- one moment he’s on this side of the bar, the next, he’s jumping across and gathering Bakugou into a tight embrace, mindful of his newly healed ribs but still unwilling to release the blonde until Bakugou returns his hug, burying his face into Kirishima’s chest.
“Is that a yes?” Bakugou mumbles when they finally pull away, his hands fisted in Kirishima’s shirt.
“In every possible language out there,” Kirishima answers, ducking down to softly kiss Bakugou on the cheek. He laughs as the blonde cusses and shoves him away and laughs even harder when Bakugou’s own smile covers his entire face, bright and open and oh so breathtaking.
That smile is Kirishima’s and Kirishima’s alone.
Eiji
hiiiiiiiiiiii
Bakugou
I swear to god Ei
Bakugou
if you’re late for our first date I will find you
Eiji
and give me a kiss? :*
Bakugou
I don’t kiss people that don’t have good time management
Bakugou
so fuck off
Eiji
still so mean to me ☹
Eiji
I want that kiss tho
Eiji
so ill be ready
Eiji
promise
Bakugou
good
Eiji
<3
Bakugou
<3
Eiji
:D :D :D :D :D :D
Eiji
YOU LIKE ME ENOUGH TO SEND EMOJIS HU H <3333
Bakugou
it will never happen again
Bakugou
so fuck right off
Eiji
:”D
Bakugou
im outside
Eiji
be right there
Eiji
<3
#bnha#kiribaku#bakushima#kirishima eijirou#bakugou katsuki#flustered#boku no hero#mha#they're idiots your honor#giving out the wrong number au???#if that's a thing??????#this one's a monster y'all
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28 Free/Harry Potter AU Enjoy!
Silence. That’s all Keith heard for the last few days. He knew he should have swallowed his pride and gone home with the Holts or even Shiro but he didn’t want to be a bother. They each had a family. He knew they needed time with them and he didn’t want to impose. So, he was just here-at Hogwarts. Basically alone, with his fellow classmates who didn’t have anywhere else to go, he spent Christmas wandering the halls feeling sorry for himself.
He knows if it was Pidge she would be busy at the library, studying and getting ahead. Absorbing knowledge. Then there was Hunk who would no doubt have snuck his way into the kitchens with the house elves, regardless of whether they thought he should be there or not! Lance would be trying to sneak into other houses trying to cause havoc and he would guess Matt and Shiro (cuz really when did you find one and not the other?) would have been practicing Quidditch or something. Allura, well, he really wasn’t sure what she’d be doing but he bet she wouldn’t be feeling mopey like him.
Professor McGonagall tried to give him some advice but honestly, what does she know about being alone. He’s always been alone, with no mom, but it especially hit him hard after his dad died. Who wanted a moody pre teen? No one was the short answer. But, honestly, who could blame them?
Instead, he was passing the time by training. His goal was to try to use his defensive and offensive spells concurrently when the Room of Requirement suddenly started changing. He paused, taking a defensive stance when he noticed holiday lights in red and green appearing and garland was strategically being placed around the room. He looked around trying to figure things out when he heard Shiro and Matt yell, “Holiday Fun!”
The room suddenly was filled with fireplaces and blankets, Christmas carols all with tables around the room filled with sweets and hot chocolate. He even thought he spied a chocolate fondue fountain!
His vision wavered for a second but then he saw Matt and Shiro in lighted sweaters and Lance wearing a blue zoom suit. What the hell?
He figured Hunk was here when cookies, cakes and biscuits were strategically appearing around the room. He paused, “What are you guys doing here? Why aren’t you with your families?”
Allura came in wearing a Grinch onesie?!? “Keith, you are our family too. Did you think we wouldn’t celebrate with you? That we wouldn’t be back?”
“Ummmmm, yeah, I guess.”
Shiro reached him first hugging him tight. “Keith, how many times do I have to tell you, you ArE my family, my brother in fact!”
Matt grins, “Yup and I have a feeling we are going to be brother in oof!!! OW, Shiro that ugh.”
Keith stares at both men who are conversing to low to understand, rubbing his neck, he replies, “Uh, okay…”
Hmm, does this mean Matt and Shiro are going to make it official. Speaking of Holts, Keith can’t help but glance around and be disappointed that he doesn’t see Katie…or Pidge. Shaking his head, he tries to shake that thought loose. He shouldn’t be thinking of her that way, she’s almost family. And more importantly she isn’t here. “Sigh.”
The group is trying to tell him what they’ve been up to and what they got for Christmas. When suddenly a door slams open and is kicked shut, everyone turns. In walks Katie Holt, in a dress no less. Keith blinks, trying to determine what he is seeing. Damn. She’s beautiful. She’s wearing a green and black dress that draws attention to her tiny waist and toned body. Fuck he needs to focus! Is the room suddenly warmer??
“Sorry!!! You assholes, why would you leave me to distract James?!? You know, I had to pretend I was sick because he wouldn’t let me be! Then he wanted to carry me back to my room. Ughhhhh, you guys suck!!! Hey Keith, Merry Belated Christmas!!”
Keith finds himself frowning, “Why were you alone with Griffin?”
Pidge frowns at her brother, pointing, “Cuz Tweedle dee and Tweedle Dum thought me in a dress was so weird that James wouldn’t notice where everyone else was heading. We really didn’t want him to find out about this room. Hell, all my games are here and more importantly how would I avoid running if he knew where I disappeared to? And unfortunately they were right. He didn’t want to leave before I gave him a very good excuse.”
Keith found himself somehow standing in front of her. Noticing her pink cheeks and curled hair. Unknowingly he reaches for a curl and brushes it off her cheek, finger tracing her jaw line. He finds himself taking a step even closer. She’s really pretty. Beautiful really. And smart. With wit and cunning. She was great at plans and she understood the value of silence. Hell she was much too good for the likes of him.
But he cannot bring himself to move back. Instead he breathed deeply and could smell her shampoo. He looked down and grinned, “Sick, right?”
She laughed, “Okay, honestly I told him I had cramps because of my period. Ohmygod, let me tell you, that guy turned RED! Definitely didn’t have a sister or girlfriend, hahah!!! After that he couldn’t leave fast enough. And while I hate relying on that stupid excuse,” she shrugged delicately, “but what are you gonna do, it works.”
Hours later…
Everyone seems to be in a food comatose except Katie and him. He hesitantly reaches for her hand, “So, I found your game and have been playing it. It’s pretty cool and I think I’m pretty good. I almost beat your high score!”
Pidge smiles, “No shit. Let’s play since these losers cannot keep up! You know we could be teammates instead of enemies.”
Hours later, Pidge is leaning against his arm, “C’mon bud, you got this!”
Keith continues until he beats he boss man, then he looks down to Pidge, “So, missed me, huh?”
Pidge smiled replying, “Yeah apparently so.”
Keith finished the boss man and looked down at her, “So um, I like being your teammate much better than being your opponent. Um, do you think, you’d like to be partners…like full time?”
Keith held his breath, waiting for her answer.
“Yes.”
That word never sounded so good. Best Christmas Ever.
#katie holt#keith kogane#kidge#alternate realities#kidgemas 2020#keith and pidge#pidge and keith#keith x pidge
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2doc Week Day 4-Song Machine
It’s cloudy.
No, cloudy denotes clouds. Smoggy, then. All car exhaust and factory fumes. The water is still, but there’s enough movement that the waves slap against the side of the boat every so often, resulting in a familiar, pleasant, wet sound.
Murdoc lies on his back, hands folded atop his chest, ankles crossed, staring at the bright spot where the sun is attempting to bore its way through the grayish sky.
He and 2D have been sitting in the boat in silence, though the singer has been moving enough for the two of them, playing with his sailor’s cap, untying his neckerchief and stuffing it into his pocket, scratching his ankle, lighting a cigarette and ultimately flicking it into the water.
“So this is it, huh?” Murdoc asks at length when he gets sick of watching 2D struggling in his periphery.
“What?”
“This is what I missed out on?”
“Well I mean, it’s a little more fun when you’re driving around fast-like, but the sound of the motor gives me a headache. And it was fun with Damon too; he’s fun.”
“Yeah. Love that bloke,” he deadpans.
“Murdoc. Do you feel better now?”
“I feel like a million bucks, mate, never better, I haven’t felt this spry since that doctor prescribed me all that Vicodin when I slipped a disk lifting Noodle’s amp—”
“Muds.”
2D shifts, looks down at him, and when their eyes meet, Murdoc is forced to confront the fact that yes, they’re here for him. To humor him the way a parent humors a child after a particularly vicious meltdown. “Well, look at it like this: what did you think taking me out here on the boat after the fact was going to accomplish, sunshine?”
“I brought you here to make it up to you, you nob. Because you made such stink about not being invited last time even though you could have come along if you’d only asked, had my damn phone on me.”
“Stu, you can’t recreate an event that’s already passed by bringing me here like it’s a bloody date.”
He stretches his foot out, knocks it against Murdoc’s shoulder. “You sure? A date on a boat sounds kind of romantic.”
Murdoc sighs and hoists himself up into a sitting position: the garish lighting is hurting his eyes: he wishes he’d thought to pack sunglasses. He can only imagine what kind of migraine the bright glare is going to trigger for 2D. But now isn’t the time to play mother hen. “Does it? Cuz you don’t look nearly as relaxed or happy as you did in that Désolé video, mate.”
He draws his foot back, knees folding in towards his chest. “Muds, look. I’m allowed to have fun without you. There’s no rule stating that I can’t. We’ve talked about the importance of autonomy.”
“And I’ve also expressed my disdain for that bloody word. I’m too old to bother being my own person: I just want a little of whatever you’re doing.”
“So that’s how you really feel, huh?” he snaps, jumping to his feet. “Muds, how many times do we have to have this argument? That’s not healthy!”
“Neither is smoking, Faceache! Neither is drinking half my weight in forty proof before noon! Neither is dating me, so if you don’t want to deal with it, then tell me to fuck off, same way you did when you all fucked off through that portal without me!”
2D reaches up to rub his temples, almost knocking his captain’s hat off his head. It’s never as simple as Murdoc sitting down and confessing that he’s been hurt: it’s always violent waves, outbursts cresting until they crash against the shore. He brought Murdoc out here to see what all the fuss was about cruising around on Lake Como, but now he understands: Murdoc is more like the water than he is like a captain. He is aqueous, ever moving, flowing from areas of high pressure, knocking 2D to and fro as he attempts to feel settled, grounded. The solution to understanding him is seldom obvious at first glance, because his very nature is to change his tune like an ebbing and flowing tide.
This entire outburst was never a matter of feeling left-out, it’s been paranoia from the start, Murdoc’s absurd fear that his own band is set to leave him behind one day, that same paranoia he’s been nursing since The Now Now took off while he was in prison.
“I’m sorry,” 2D says. It used to be hard to say those words. He’s learning to push them out more often, especially because that small concession is, more often than not, enough to start soothing Murdoc. “I guess we both thought we were going to get something different by coming here. Muds, what I did was fly all the way back to Italy to sit on a stupid boat with you for the day. It was probably stupid of me to assume that you were going to have a good time here—”
“‘Stupid’ is a damn gargantuan understatement if you ask me,” he grumbles.
“Don’t interrupt! Look, I didn’t come here for a fun, magical time with you, you cranky old man. I came here to prove a point.”
Murdoc looks at him warily. “And what, my blue-hued compatriot, is it?”
A suave, quick-witted man would be able to weave together an elaborate story on the spot. Hell, if he were even adequately sharp with words, he’d be able to lay on the charm, distract Murdoc from the tension and the muggy heat and the miserable sun glaring down through all that pollution. The longer he stares at Murdoc’s tired features, though, the more it dawns on him that he doesn’t need to do that. He has something much more valuable: the truth.
“I did all this shit to prove to you that you’re worth it.”
Murdoc snorts. “Wow, so even you admit it was a crap trip then. Sorry to waste a full day of your time with my selfish needs, Stu.” He makes sure that his bitterness comes across acrid enough to drown out any traitorous hurt that leaks into his voice. He’s getting weaker around Stu; words slip out unbidden almost every day, truths he doesn’t need anyone knowing, feelings and fears that he’s spent his life concealing easily behind his bigger-than-bigger-than-Jesus personality. Honesty with his feelings around Stu has rapidly evolved into an unconscious mechanism, one he now has to strategize to neutralize at every turn. “Really don’t know why you spent money on a flight, all that time packing, renting the same damn boat, even, if you didn’t want to fucking do it. You’re a real headcase, y’know that?”
“You done with the pity party?” 2D asks. “Because you’re misunderstanding. I did all this, and I would have done anything else, to prove to you that at the drop of a hat, I’ll re-create any part of my life to put you in it beside me.”
There’s a familiar clenching feeling in his chest, a tightness. Dread. Sometimes he feels it when 2D starts to make him hopeful too, because hope is a dangerous bit of deception that leads to disappointment. Cousins, the two sentiments are. Or even twins. He hates hope as much as he hates dread: he’s not about to fall for that shit, no way—“Dents. What were you just saying about our codependency being unhealthy? Those don’t sound like the words of someone autonomous: best check yourself or your therapist is going to give you a right spanking.”
The singer smiles, knowing that he has Murdoc now. His attention, his optimism. It’s all there, in his grasp if he can make like the boat, rock with the waves but remain steady, solid. “You’re wrong,” he says. “I won’t apologize for having come out to have some fun in February. We’ve told you why we didn’t trust you with the portal, but I still would’ve brought you along if I’d known how upset you were going to get. I had every right to have a good time with friends, but I am sorry that it sent you into one of your spirals, thinking I was rejecting you. Never, Murdoc. I would never. So here’s my compromise: for the moments you feel scared, instead of me trying to go back and re-create the past with you, let’s just make our own memories. Sound good?”
The bassist stares at him, dumbfounded. “Are you angry?” he finally asks. “That I’m being so selfish? Where’s your spine, Dents, your bloody vitriol?”
“You’ve always been a selfish prick: bit used to it by now.”
“But…but this flies in the face of all that shit about being more individualistic and—”
“Muds, I’m still going to spend time away from you,” he clarifies. “Have fun with Noods and Russ, might even give Ace a ring one of these days—”
“Oh sweet Satan, don’t call that idiot—”
“My point is, I’ll still do all those things. And then when I get back from my time away from you, whether you’ve done something productive with your life while I was gone, or just sat by the window waiting for me to get home, then we can do something nice too, maybe not a boat ride in Italy, maybe just like, having a few pints down at the Cock and Trowel, or going shopping, or trying that new cafe that opened up in SoHo to see how their pancakes rank on our Definitive List of Pancake Places—”
He’s interrupted by Murdoc lunging forward, arms going around his middle and head slamming into his chest. He grunts, hugs him back as the boat rocks with their sudden movement.
“How?” he mutters. “How are you always so nice to me? Every time I go and muck things up and say horrible things and tell you to break it off with me—”
“You’re a little dramatic,” 2D admits, nuzzling his chin against the thick hair pressed just below his head. “Pretty sure you told me I should call it off when you broke my favorite mug last week. It’s uh, not great. But I think when you say shit like that, it shows me that you really care about our relationship, that you value me, and you’re scared that I’m valuing you too much, because you don’t feel like you deserve it. I’m learning to understand when you’re just asking for help, idiot.”
“You really do spend way too much time with your therapist, Stu.”
“I’m not wrong, am I?” he teases, holding the older man closer, triumphant. “Stop throwing shit fits. Stop assuming everything I do is an attempt to push you away, and start looking at my behavior for what it is: a bloke who’s gone utterly mental and will fly you out to Italy at a moment’s notice to try and cheer you up after I saw you cry a little bit.”
Murdoc steels himself in 2D’s arms, braces himself to put forth the question he needs to ask. “And what do you get in return then, Romeo?”
“That bit’s obvious, Murdoc. I get to see you happy. That’s what makes me happy. I love you, remember?”
“I…” the words die on Murdoc’s tongue. What is there to say to that? He wants to talk 2D out of this…he knows he should. He’s being let off the hook because this idiot is convinced that they can keep going forward, that he somehow deserves 2D’s patience and love, even when he’s getting caught up in his own Twitter lies. Yet the singer’s words are guiding him out to sea, pulling him away with the strength of a rip current, and all he can do is succumb. It’s what he wants to hear. Maybe a part of 2D even believes these words himself, however ludicrous they are. “I…you already know how I feel about you.”
“Say it, twat. Or else I’ll keep you here on this lake all day just to torture you!”
“Alright, alright, no need to get so Medieval on me! I love you, okay, Stu? I act out and cause a scene, and then I don’t even thank you for the impromptu Désolé 2.0 because I’m a shit, but I love you all the same. Maybe even a little more because you just keep…tolerating me. Happy?”
“Yeah,” he presses a kiss to the top of his head, and his tone tells Murdoc that he’s smiling. “So let’s go back to England, okay? This lake is pretty boring honestly.”
“It is dreadful, yeah.”
“Oh, while we’re here, maybe we should stop for pizza! Or some spaghetti or something?”
“Dents, we’re practically in Switzerland,” he laughs. “Why not hop the border and—wait, that’s it! I know the perfect spa we can go to together! Ever soak in a hot spring? It’ll change your life.”
“That sounds perfect!” he says. “Let’s dock this baby and get going—” he releases Murdoc and, ever-ungraceful, he stumbles as he makes his way towards the front of the boat. He yelps as his leg catches on the edge of the boat and his vision swirls first with the sights of the houses along the shore giving way to sky, and then the sky blurring as he hits water and starts sinking.
For just a moment, he processes everything as though it’s happening in slow motion, taking in the fact that his nice sailor’s outfit is surely ruined, that the water is colder than he expected it to be, wondering if any sea monsters lurk beneath the lake’s surface as he looks straight down into the black depths below him.
Then comes the irony. Yes, this is what time with Murdoc is like: filled with twists and unpredictable tumbles. Murdoc’s self-doubt and fears are still somewhat new to him: he’s spent most of his life assuming the man was fearless, only to learn that the bravado was a mask, that he’d been one of the few idiots to fall for it so completely. It’s something they must continue to work on, the selfishness, the manipulative words and the self-destructive explosions that follow them in Murdoc’s unhealthy attempts to self-punish.
How peaceful it is underwater, though. How familiar, this sensation, and how safe he feels.
His eyes have closed at some point to better absorb the feeling of being submerged, but he perceives motion right in front of him, bubbles.
Arms come around his waist, and he knows Murdoc has leapt in after him, that he means to swim to the surface, pull them both up onto the boat. He isn’t ready to come up just yet. Instead, he leans forward, presses his lips to Murdoc’s.
In the middle of the water, in the middle of a foreign country, they come together, holding one another tight, safe and soundless in the protective peace beneath the ever-lapping waves.
He always feels so complete like this, so blessedly whole when the warmth of Murdoc’s body is pressed flush against him. Time always seems to vanish in these moments as they share the last fo their breath, hair dancing around their heads like halos, bodies undulating with the motion of the water. For the first time that day, he feels calm.
#2doc#2doc week#2doc week day 4#2doc week 2020#niccalpot#2doc fanfiction#ooh this one is rushed but it was fun to write!
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JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.
Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.
Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:
So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's cliché but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.
Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.
I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.
Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.
I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.
Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk
Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.
With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.
You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.
The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.
(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2
Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.
I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.
I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.
The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.
Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.
This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.
You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.
Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.
The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.
Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? 😬 How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.
Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.
Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.
Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.
Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.
Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.
A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.
With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.
Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.
The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.
Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.
With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.
This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.
Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3
#warning long post#long post#i am sorry#after intense study of this species i diagnose her with#gay homosexual gay#thank you everyone
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hi! i was hoping if you could write a drabble where draco and harry are sleeping together and draco wakes up from a nightmare and he's silently crying cuz he doesnt wanna wake harry up but then he does and harry tries to comfort him and draco realizes it so he looses it and starts sobbing so harry holds him tighter soothing him & when draco is calm draco says he dreamt harry left him and then harry reasures him he loves him and won't ever leave him & it's just really soft and yeah, THANKSSS
You ever get asks that just make you smile and get you all excited to write them? Yeah? Because that’s exactly what this ask did to me! Sorry it took so long, I ABSOLUTELY LOVED writing it, I hope it’s what you wanted Nonnie! Also, thanks to @rose-grangerweasleyisbae, @mandrakemoon, and @midsummerdancer for all the help!
Icy claws of terror clutched at Draco as his eyes flew open. Huge gulps of warm, familiar air rushed down his throat as his heart pounded, memories of the nightmare swirling viciously around his mind. Pain, horror, harsh words, and gut wrenching loss worse than he’d ever experienced plagued him, every tiny, excruciating detail still flooding through him. It paralysed him, rooting him to the spot in horror, even as the tiniest, most pathetic wave of relief fluttered through him.
‘At least it was only a dream,’ his mind whispered. But it didn’t matter. The dream had still happened. The grief still thumped through him, heavy, devastating, and relentless. Every breath still caught in his throat, still begged him to question everything he knew to be true. He still felt like he was in the middle of the ocean at night. All alone. No light, no bearings, no means of finding land, with no wand. Completely, and utterly fucked.
It had just been so… Real. The sounds, the smells, the look on Harry’s face- everything was just so vivid, like it had just happened. The fateful scenes played again and again in his mind, like one of those stupid muggle records on repeat that he couldn’t ever figure out how to shut up. With each rotation, fresh sensations fought to consume him, choking him, drowning him in despair, and pricking tears in his eyes. It didn’t matter if it was just a dream. It didn’t even matter that it was over now and he was in bed with his boyfriend. It still fucking hurt.
Yet as the tears began to stream down his face, Draco couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him. He couldn’t gasp, or shudder, or shake. He couldn’t sob. He couldn’t do anything but keep quiet, just as he’d been taught, from a very young age. He’d let his boyfriend sleep beside him. He’d ignore the pain as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. No matter how much it hurt, or how much he just longed to be held sometimes. It was better that way.
He knew that his way of dealing with emotions was rooted in stupid, pure-blood ideals of how one should conduct oneself. He further knew that refusing to accept or experience his emotions was probably significantly harmful, psychologically speaking. But it was one of the only things he had consciously chosen not to change after the end of the war. So many of his family values had been destroyed, so many ‘normal’ practices wiped out, deconstructed, and found to be unreasonable at best, and downright illegal at worst in the months after the war had ended, that even now, years on, Draco still found his head spinning at times, struggling to navigate a society that was so fundamentally different to the one he was raised in.
But this was different. This wasn’t just a stupid rule he followed to please his father, though that was obviously the reason he’d stopped sobbing in the first place. This was still something he used more often than he cared to consider or admit.
The end of the war didn’t end the war on him. People still hexed him in the street, cursed the ground he stood on, refused to serve him in shops. He still had to endure demeaning meetings with the ministry of magic, answer three times the number of questions for jobs he wanted to apply for, and fight ten times as hard to secure a future for himself. He still felt every glare at his back. He still locked himself in public restrooms healing cuts, bruises, and broken bones at least once a month. He was still reduced to tears more often than he could count, no matter how used to the general public’s abuse he became.
He needed to be able to stifle his sobs. He needed to stay in control. Sometimes, before Harry at least, it was the only thing he’d had left to remind him of who he was. His only sense of normality. No matter what society would think of the tradition, for him, it was better to cry silently. Even if that meant ignoring what would surely be his boyfriend’s wishes. If Harry ever suspected that Draco was crying beside him as he slept, the honourable Gryffindor would practically demand to be woken up, horrified at the thought of Draco “suffering” alone. But he just couldn’t open himself up like that. Not yet.
But as his boyfriend's soft snores continued and he choked down every sob, Draco found an old, familiar heartache mingling with the grief from the nightmare. Somewhere, a quiet, subtle, but painful disappointment was seeping around his body. With every heartbeat it begged for release; for the freedom to just cry. Visions of Harry’s loving face, memories of his strong arms holding Draco, and cravings to hear that the dream was wrong swirled in his mind. With every choked-back sob, his chest ached, adding fresh waves of hurt to the relentless heartache curling through him. It wasn’t that Draco needed the reassurance - he knew realistically that the nightmare was just exactly that; a nightmare. But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice to hear. Especially as the scenes tortured him, time and time again.
But it just wasn’t possible. After all this time, he couldn’t bring himself to break his own rule, to relinquish that control for something so pathetic as a nightmare. Not when he faced much worse on an almost daily basis. Even if the dream was literally the thing he was most scared of. He just couldn’t do it. Clamping down on the treacherous desire, Draco resolved to handle it just like he always did. Everything would be fine in the morning anyway.
Slowly minutes passed, each just as excruciating as the last. With every tear that fell, a fresh wave of heartache coursed through him, different parts of the nightmare flooding his senses. It played, paused, rewound, zoomed in, and completely overwhelmed him. Sometimes, the scene would pause for longer than just a few seconds, fade slightly in his mind, and allow him a brief reprieve. But never for long. Just as Draco would manage to take a few deep, steadying breaths, or think clearly for just a second, a new angle of a scene would appear, setting the rollercoaster in motion again. Still, as it dragged him back to the pit of despair, wracking him with heartache anew, he held every breath.
He’d just taken another, slow, calculated inhale, when a movement from behind him caught his attention.
"Mm.." Harry grunted, rolling closer to him and curling his arm around Draco's waist.
Immediately, the instinct to hide, run, and scrub any evidence of tears off his face crashed over him like a tidal wave. Questions flew through his mind as he tried to recall the past few minutes; was there a chance Harry had been awake when Draco woke up? Did he know? Was he awake now? Every muscle froze as he waited, praying his boyfriend was just adjusting in his asleep.
Yet as the warmth from his boyfriend’s body seeped through him, a sudden, all consuming yearning interrupted the panic, catching Draco off guard. The same disappointment that had plagued him earlier stirred again, urging Draco to turn into his boyfriend’s touch. Somehow, pressed against his boyfriend, loneliness surged through Draco, years of control setting up invisible boundaries that separated and isolated him from the man behind him. Fresh tears forced their way into his eyes as vicious, violent spasms attacked his lungs, almost unbearable jolts of pain searing around his body as Harry cradled him tenderly.
But as Harry’s steady breaths reached his ears once more, reassuring him his boyfriend was still asleep, instinct fought the attack, forcing his emotions into submission as he took difficult, but even breaths once more. Even as new disappointment crushed his chest, years of training demanded he focus only on the slow passage of air through his body, mind quickly drifting back into the painfully normal rhythm. He’d barely taken three breaths, however, when a small movement on his chest made him jump.
“Draco? You’kay?” Harry’s voice was soft, and husky with sleep, but even so, a distinct note of concern clung to every syllable. It was so gentle, so tender, promising everything Draco had ever dreamed of. It physically hurt to hear.
But what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just answer, there was no way he’d convince Harry that he was fine right now, and he couldn’t even face the possibility of collapsing into an undignified mess in front of him, no matter what his stupid emotions wanted. As the silence stretched on, Draco held his breath, hoping his boyfriend would think that he’d jumped in his sleep. Unfortunately, the shifting of the mattress behind him told him Harry thought otherwise.
“Draco, what’s wrong?” Harry was propping himself up on his elbow, hand creeping up from his chest to cup his cheek. The warm, calloused fingers dampened as they caught fresh tears. Still Draco held his breath, stubbornly ignoring the burning in his lungs.
“Are you crying?” Unbidden, Draco’s lips began trembling under Harry’s hand, another tear leaking from his eyes as he finally drew a shaky breath, oxygen deprivation getting the better of him. It was all the confirmation Harry needed.
“Oh, Draco…” Harry breathed, hands trying to gently coax Draco to turn towards him.
For the briefest of seconds, the instinct to fight, to hide his tears, and deal with things alone prevailed; as Harry’s hands tried to pull him closer he lay, still as a statue, once again holding his breath. But as the need to feel his boyfriend’s arms around him, to cry, to be real for once was pounded in his chest, and Harry persisted like the stubborn git he was, a strangled squeak forced its way past Draco’s lips, and suddenly, all of Draco’s self-control crumbled.
As more tears fell, a desperate gasp, loud, undignified, and painful, broke past his lips, echoing in the silent room, before suddenly the air fought to escape, clawing up his throat, jumping from his lips in chokes, splutters and pants. As soon as the stumbling exhale finished, another violent spasm caught him, forcing him to drag in stutter of air, desperate half-breaths, and tiny, rapid gasps. All the while Harry’s hands urged him closer.
“It’s okay, gorgeous, come here, I’ve got you…” his boyfriend murmured, love and tenderness rich in his voice. His hands were on Draco’s side, pulling him gently away from the edge of the bed, trying to turn him over to face his boyfriend. As another merciless sob stole his breath, Draco couldn’t resist collapsing towards him.
Immediately warmth engulfed him as Harry wrapped his arms around him tightly, holding him to his chest as the sobs rampaged through him. Breaths caught in his throat, vibrating slightly, as if confused about what to do next, before rushing out, wracking his entire body with deep, forceful shakes. Still Harry squeezed him gently. He gasped desperately for air, each tortured exhale tripping and trickling out of his lungs in hiccups and sniffles. Still the Gryffindor pressed tender kisses wherever he could reach. Tears and more streamed from his eyes, his nose, his mouth, drenching Harry’s chest. But still, his boyfriend murmured soft, tender words, reassuring him that it was all going to be okay. Draco could only sob harder, hands clutching at his boyfriend for purchase.
“You’re safe, Draco,” he whispered in his ear, “I’m here, gorgeous, just let it out…”
Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice was screaming that this was wrong, that he was pathetic and ridiculous, and unworthy of the Malfoy name. But Harry’s heartbeat was thrumming steadily in his ear, every beat whispering ‘love-you, love-you, love-you’, and for once, Draco couldn’t find it in him to care. He’d fought for so long, denied himself honesty, comfort, and weakness for such a long time. After everything he’d been through, he just to feel safe again.
“It’s okay, gorgeous, take as long as you need, I’ll still be here…” Harry murmured as Draco clung to Harry even more, nestling his head under his chin. Still his tears streamed.
He didn’t know how long he stayed like that, curled in Harry’s arms, sobbing desperately, but by the time Draco stopped crying, the faint hues of morning were painting the sky. As his tears finally stopped flowing, and his grip on his boyfriend lessened slightly, Draco focused on the soft, steady rhythm of Harry’s breathing, too exhausted to care about the many wet, disgusting sniffles that escaped him. Still Harry held him, peppering him with kisses wherever he could reach. A shiver of warmth spiralled through Draco from each and every one.
“You okay?” Harry murmured softly after a while, nuzzling Draco’s hair gently. Even as Draco’s eyes fought to slip closed at the tender touch, ingrained anxiety sent a shiver running down his spine.
What was he supposed to say? Of course he wasn’t okay, he’d just wept like a baby for what felt like hours. But wasn’t he supposed to lie? Pretend that he was fine? That it was nothing? What was Harry going to think when he found out Draco had bawled over a stupid nightmare?! Seconds stretched into moments, silence weighing on him heavily as he desperately tried to figure out what to say. As the pressure to answer got the better of him, he desperately hoped that honesty really was the best policy, sucking in a deep breath despite the soreness in his throat.
“I had a nightmare,” he croaked. “You left me.”
Harry’s heartbeat increased ever so slightly under Draco’s cheek, making him pause. A sudden, horrifying notion of the nightmare actually being true gripped him for a second, threatening to send him spiralling into fresh panic. Fuck, what would he do? How could he ever deal with the fact that the one and only time he cried, properly cried in front of someone, it was in front of the man who was about to leave him?! He’d be ruined. Ridiculed. He’d have to move, have to leave the country and-
“Oh gorgeous,” Harry nuzzled him lovingly, halting the terrifying thoughts. Arms tightened around him, squeezing him gently as his heart continued hammering, not quite convinced that he’d heard his boyfriend right. Still, as Harry just waited, silently encouraging him to say more, his heart rate gradually settled, and he relaxed into his boyfriend’s arms again. He swallowed, taking another deep breath.
“You- you were different,” he started, licking his dry lips as Harry’s fingers began combing through his hair. “You told me that you’d had enough, that you thought I’d changed, but that being with me had proven that I was still-” he stopped, words dying on his tongue as another gut wrenching pang of pain hit him.
“Still what?” Harry prompted quietly. Draco swallowed, drawing in another deep breath.
“Still the spoiled, spiteful coward I always was,” he admitted, trying to keep his voice level as his nails dug into his palm. Harry’s heart rate quickened.
“You said that you should have let me burn in the fire,” he gulped an unsteady breath. “You told me that you were leaving me, that you hated me, and that I was just a massive mistake. You- you looked at me like I was a piece of shit on your shoe and just... left,” his voice broke on the last word, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks once again. But he wasn’t ready to burst into tears again. Not yet. Taking a careful, measured inhale, he held his breath as Harry’s arms tightened around him once more.
“Draco…” Harry started, finding Draco’s hand with his own, gently prising away Draco’s nails from his palms. “You know that’s not true, right?” Draco could only nod, biting down hard on his bottom lip.
“Draco, gorgeous, look at me,” Harry murmured, nudging him gently away from his chest. An undignified whimper rose in Draco’s throat as he obediently pulled himself upright, cold air rushing to greet him. The Gryffindor quickly summoned his glasses.
“Draco,” Harry reached forward to cup his cheeks tear stained, “I would never leave you. I love you.”
Bright, emerald eyes stared into his, sincerity and honesty shining ridiculously earnestly through them, begging Draco to believe him. Even as vicious whispers from the nightmare haunted him once more, trying to convince him that this wasn’t true, hope began pooling in his stomach, a pitiful sob bubbling in his throat. Harry merely stroked his cheek gently with his thumb and continued.
“I promise. You’re the best thing that's ever happened to me,” Harry thankfully ignored the fact that his boyfriend was falling apart in his hands. “I can’t imagine what my life would be without you. All I know is that it wouldn’t be half as good as it is now.”
A hint of steel glinted in his boyfriend’s eyes, and a fresh lump formed in Draco’s throat. As love, relief, and sheer joy flooded through him, Harry’s eyes still boring into his, Draco’s vision blurred once again, relief fuelling more ridiculous untamable emotions. No matter how hard he bit his lip, softer sobs began shuddering through him, shoulders shaking with each breathy exhale. Fortunately, Harry drew him back in against him, saving him the humiliation of having his boyfriend stare at him as he cried.
“I love you, Draco Malfoy,” Harry repeated, slowly kissing Draco’s temple, once, twice, three times.
“I—hh! I love you too,” he gasped as words he’d never dared ask before forced their way out of his mouth. “Don’t leave m--hh—me?” Warm arms squeezed him again.
“Never, gorgeous. Never.”
As Draco cried into his boyfriend’s chest once more, Harry gently repositioned them, easing them both back down onto the mattress where he tucked the quilt around them both, cradled Draco close, kissed, caressed, and squeezed him.
“You’re mine, Draco Malfoy,” Harry murmured, securing the final corner of quilt around them, “And you always will be.” Draco could only cling to his boyfriend.
Slowly, with the familiar rhythm of Harry’s heartbeat, and the comforting smell of his boyfriend around him, Draco’s sobs soon died down to sniffles and the occasional hiccup once more. Just as before, Harry let quiet rest between them as he gently traced patterns on Draco’s back, the last bits of adrenaline and relief ebbing away beneath his fingers. As the sounds of the dawn chorus grew in the room, Draco’s eyes slipped further and further closed, exhaustion and comfort creeping through him.
“You feeling better now, gorgeous?” Harry’s light, gentle voice broke the quiet after a while. Draco’s heart fluttered slightly at the sound.
“Yeah,” he whispered into the man’s chest, hand still curled into Harry’s chest hair lightly.
“Good.” He was rewarded with another soft kiss to his temple. A soft smile flickered at the corners of his mouth. Silence lapsed between them again as Harry continued running his fingers up and down Draco’s back.
“Thank you,” Draco murmured suddenly, the words barely a thought before they leapt from his mouth. He could practically hear the Gryffindor frown.
“For what?”
“This,” he shrugged slightly, not sure he wanted to explain himself fully yet. Harry could have some strong opinions on his family and it had been a long night already. He didn’t really fancy making it longer. Thankfully, his boyfriend seemed to understand.
“You’re welcome,” he nuzzled Draco’s hair again, sending a shiver down his spine. Draco pouted slightly as his boyfriend giggled, nuzzling even closer.
“Want to try and go back to sleep?” a hint of laughter still clung to his boyfriend’s words, but honestly, as a jaw cracking yawn gripped him, Draco really couldn’t find it in him to care. Just knowing that he could fall asleep, safe in the arms of his boyfriend, no matter what was enough for him.
“Mmhm,” he hummed, eyes already closed. A gentle huff of laughter escaped his boyfriend as warm breath caressed Draco’s cheek. Soft, warm lips brushed his cheek in a tender, light kiss; happiness bloomed in his chest.
“Mm’love you,” Draco murmured, the darkness of sleep already invading his mind.
“Love you too, gorgeous. Sleep well.”
With the soothing rhythm of Harry’s heartbeat in his ears, and warm arms wrapped securely around him, Draco drifted back to sleep, the faintest of smiles on his face.
I hope you enjoyed!
#drarry#mywriting#harry potter#draco malfoy#nightmare#fluff#hurt/comfort#drarry squad#hope you enjoyed!#autumnsnugglingwrites
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Here’s something that will prolly make you sad.
Paring: PCY x Black non binary/ambiguous OC (I’m telling you that cuz I don’t know if there will be more chapters n it’s first person)
Words: 12905
Warnings: past abuse/abused/trauma mention, semi graphic (one detail). Pcy is NOT the antagonist/perpertrator!!!!
Rating: Loose fluff, loose hurt/comfort, building a relationship, soulmates sorta.
He’s been doing it all day. In between bites of the expensive dinner he insisted on, while sitting idly in traffic, while walking on the street (my hand in his coat pocket of course), everywhere we went his eyes would lazily drag across the ground or table to watch me. Never did he mean malice, I don’t think, as unnerving as it was Chanyeol appeared amused. The longer the night got the more sideshow I felt to the pleasant evening, from the private viewing of a quickly rising artist, to the picnic lunch complimented by an expansive garden, and especially at dinner, a (again) private room that overlooked the Yellow Sea. He claims he enjoys looking at me, I take him at face value. But now…
It’s not a kiss that increases my pulse, but he does kiss me in the middle of me talking. It wasn’t anything grand, just my favorite flower, which he asked for. I was caught off guard, wide-eyed, alarmed to say the least. It’s not a spectacular “soulmates meant to be'' kiss, yet I can’t call it unwelcomed. As slowly as he took his time to motion The Kiss I could have backed away. Soft as Chanyeol gently cupped each check in his large palms offset the chilly January breeze, as gentle as he leaned into my lips rather than pull me closer. Everything about The Kiss was right, the timing odd, but if this were “The One,” wouldn’t the earthquake beneath me or stars shatter from the sky? No rush of blood comes when he backs away, no fireworks form in my throat, I’m left speechless in a secluded cabin on a mountain very very very far from home. Danger doesn’t bang on pots and pans, anxiety refuses to acknowledge my behavior as any type of red flag, my body acts feels quite heavy as my head crumbles into his expectant hands. It’s so quiet in the woods.
Chanyeol’s brown eyes seemed concerned at my response— or rather the non response as an answer. We never break eye contact, even as my lungs impatiently pull air back into my chest. I need to think quickly, tell him whatever wouldn’t discourage his feelings, reassure him I just have no idea how to process the situation. Then he says something dumb— because they always say something dumb.
“It’s just..” the rapper is first to break eye contact, measuring his words with each drum of a finger against respective cheeks. “When we first spoke I thought to myself, ‘this person has the prettiest lips I’ve ever seen,’ I’ve been thinking that.” I’m not immediately offended, it’s not a compliment I’m new to, it just irritated the fuck out of me. “But just now, when you were speaking, the way you said flower was really pretty and I interrupted you, so I’m sorry for that.” I don’t process what he said immediately, so he goes on, still refusing to look me in the eye. “And when I kissed you just now I thought to myself, ‘I can’t date a person who makes me want to kiss them because they said flower’.”
Absurd. Near laughable. I knock his arms to the side to get his attention, head snapping back down towards me. “You bring me millions of miles from home, make me uncomfortable all day, interrupt me while I’m answering your question just because I have pretty lips?” Yes, the whole ordeal is hard to contain, I want to bark into fits of laughter. If it weren’t for the aggravated look he threw at me moments after my abrupt movements… I go the direct path, keeping my tone light and even, I hope I soften my eyes enough that shock has faded, even if I was still unsure what to do now.
“Yes.” I stay silent, perhaps there’s more to the story. Maybe I’m so funny I split his sides when we’re texting, a slight chance I make the best pork katsu he’s ever had, that my company was so enjoyable he took me to a cabin in the middle of the woods where no one can hear my screams no matter how loud they bounce off the walls. The warning bells I didn’t feel before punch me in the gut and I’m attentive to each move he makes now. Tiny ticks in his fingers, the frown, how he backed away.
When his rich baritone goes unspoken, I stay friendly. “Okay.” I look around the cabin unassuming, the fireplace surely has a stick or two, the kitchen isn’t far but his legs are longer than mine. I can’t drive in the snow either. Did I ever tell him that?
Chanyeol sighs, walking away from me entirely to sit on the couch. “I thought you would like it.” He sounded upset. I stay where I am by the dining table close to the entrance of the home. “Would you have preferred the city? Or a city abroad?” I inch a little further away. Small movements. “You said you hated busy places so I figured a cabin would be fun, we could go skiing or something, but I see I should have asked.”
Blinking back the alarm bells, I managed a small giggle. “I like it.” Which is the truth, this is my idea of a nice vacation. But I met Chanyeol a week ago. He’s yet to make me uncomfortable like he has today, however. “I just didn’t expect you to kiss me is all. Or for that to be the only reason you brought me here.”
The way his head jerks causes all the strands he so carefully tied into an incredibly messy bun to fall suspiciously around his face. I’m not frightened, his eyes are wide and lips parting and closing like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Just? Just? Well that’s just stupid, Rolo.” I’m not sure where I've offended him but I need to leave. “We just met a week ago. Do you think this is the norm for me? That I throw money around for people I barely even know just because they have pretty lips. I told you I thought that when we met. Would you like to know what I think now?”
I’m almost too afraid to nod, I expect him to yell, throw something, force me into submission. It’s irrational, because I don’t know this man, I’ve never spent an extensive amount of time with him alone, I know what I’ve seen and heard on television, there’s no logical explanation to my fear, but it takes me to my knees figuratively, and I’m almost audibly whimpering. Whatever he wants a soft, comforting voice whispers, you can get out alive if you do whatever he wants. I think he wants me to answer yes, so I answer yes. Dry and my throat is, he hears me.
Rising to his feet and placing his eyes back on me, this time with annoyance, Chanyeol puts his hand out. The gesture means nothing to me, was he calling me over or asking me to come over? Did he want my hand? There are too many wrong answers in these situations. I go to walk over but he puts his hand palm up, stopping me before I start. “I’m asking to approach you.” He does the gesture again, this time it clicks. He is gesturing towards me, asking respectfully without words if he can come over. I nod. He inspects me again before approaching, now holding out his hand for mine. “I have made you uncomfortable. All day?” Chanyeol is away from me, watching from outside his body as it attempts awkward contact with mine. “I was watching because you fascinate me.” I keep my arms rooted at my side, if I could wrap them around my person, comfort myself, or disappear into myself, I would.
As best as a tall and broad man can, Chanyeol shrinks himself before me, kneeling on his left knee before falling to the other. It’s a display, a situation I’ve never seen or been in before. Was he apologizing? “Oh, it’s okay-“
Chanyeol hangs his head gently, a chuckle on his lips. “Ro, hear me when I say my intention was only to learn you. What you like. How you do things. What makes you smile most and what turns your face up in that cute scrunched up almost piggy-like pout. I can’t help it, forgive me. You entrance me.” My head is spinning… maybe the room was spinning— the next thing I know I’m sitting on the bouncy and my date is kneeling by my lap, hands to himself. “May I ask you something before I tell you my answer?”
I know what he’s going to ask. It’s not the first time. I’m so used to these situations I had given up on dating entirely. The pity in their eyes after you tell them about the Trauma, about the pain. I’m no longer an individual but rather something fragile, almost childlike; someone to easily be manipulated. I can’t say I am ‘easy’ but I’m swayed if convinced enough. So eager to please. Even if I was healing, this was exhausting.
“Yes. All the time in fact. So often I had to get a socket reconstructed.” Chanyeol is slow to process my words. I should have waited for the question. “That’s why I’m nervous. I have no reason to be but I am. It’s been a long time since I’ve been alone with a man.”
“Why’d you come?” When I look down, shining brown eyes are looking back, “I never want you uncomfortable.”
“I assumed this is how you kpop stars do.” I can’t help but wonder if he knows just how breathtaking he can be. Even just sitting before me was adorable. Shaggy brown hair touching at his shoulders, a light pink dabbed over rounded cheeks, each beauty mark (but especially the one on the bridge of his nose) are charming me off the ledge. Slowly, unknowingly at first, I’m growing more comfortable. “But you said you don’t do this, so now I would like your answer. I came because I think you’re funny and kind. I wanted to get to know you better whatever the cost, I’m sorry.” I don’t know why I’m apologizing, neither does Chanyeol, who is smiling so softly, pity etched in umber irises. I felt so small even if I had to look down at him. This isn’t what I want. “But earlier—“ big cheeks drop, concern is all he can give me at this moment. I’m too unpredictable. “When you kissed me, I felt nothing.”
That doesn’t shock him, her who is standing to his full height and giggling his way to a cabinet in the kitchen. “Do you like white or red wine?” He knows the answer to this one, only does he ask to make obvious why he would go to the kitchen. He’s not gonna kill me, a simple drink order is all. He’s not mad we are meant to just be friends. What if he hates that idea though? “Here.” Chanyeol insists I open the bottle, another reassuring measure his brain must have cooked up. It’s working. I’m relaxing. Yet he is acting like I hadn’t rejected him, should I make myself more clear and high tail it down the hill and back on a plane? Would he search high and low for whispers on me? Panic is settling all around my ears, alarms blaring, his thin lips move and I can read them, but I can’t hear his voice at all. Curious.
Taking a steadying breath, “so if I tell you right now, I want to go home, home home, and never see you again?” I have to strain my eyes to read his words, a genuine yes, he even takes the wine bottle from my trembling hands and gathers my things. He’s halfway to the door when I hear a suitcase click, and then the ac unit, and some low electronic rumbling. Perhaps I can hear the rustling of birds outside, or some other animal lurking by. “I want to stay. Just. May I use the bathroom?”
“It’s negative twenty out. If you want to leave let me drive you.” It’s stern but not a command, like he’s inviting me to challenge him, like it’s a game for him.
I rise up to the occasion. “What makes you think I don’t have an escape plan?” At first, the joke was even morbid for me, I think it’s too far, this isn’t someone you just casually say to another human. Especially when they think you’re terrified of them.
Chanyeol surprises me again with a shrug. “Not practical enough your phone is in your bag by the door.”
“Lucky for you I just need to pee and recollect my thoughts.”
“I do my best thinking in the bathroom, go.”
The rest of the night isn’t nearly as uncomfortable. When he looks at me I’m not on display, but rather, there’s a look he gives me, one I’m well acquainted with. I hadn’t seen it in so long I had almost missed it. My dad used to look at me like this when I would bring him dinner after a long day at work. My mother would look at me like this after tucking me in at night. This very same look a man who was never this kind gave me. How do you differentiate between love and fiction? How do you know if the love that is there is made up of malicious intent or if you are soulmates?
It’s very late by the time Chanyeol announces there are three rooms in the house and that I can pick from any of them. He never intended we share a bed, something that shocks me yet again. Why bring me all the way to a cabin in the middle of the woods during winter? Is that not the point of cabin vacations? Cozying up to the one you love?
“You want to know what I think of you now?” My head had fallen prey to his strong shoulder, cheek squished on a bicep, a strong bicep. Shapely too. I wonder if he works out daily or just a few times a week. Humming for him to continue I stay in my musings, what a wonderfully sculpted man. “I think you’re weird as hell and you match me exactly.” Shifting so I can look at him incredulously, Chanyeol is carefully putting my face back in his hands. “That first kiss was just because I liked the way your lips moved when you said flower. Nothing more nothing less.” If this was a love confession it’s the cheesiest one I’ve heard. “I will not kiss you again until you let me. I need to hear you say, ‘Chanyeol, I want you to kiss me.’ And I will no hesitation. Because— while you might not feel anything, I feel everything for the both of us right now and it’s overwhelming. Tell me if or when you’re ready, for now I will shoulder the burden.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Mimicking his earlier sentence, my teeth poke out from my lips, I’m trying so hard to not laugh. “There’s no way in hell me saying ‘flower’ has any effect on you at all… see I just said it and you’re still there and I’m still here.” Chanyeol just watches, pressing his palms into my cheeks, he licks at his lips while watching mine. “Chanyeol… kiss me.” And he does, immediately pressing his lips to mine.
A star collapsing at seven solar masses doesn’t begin to compare. It’s almost criminal when he does it again to say goodnight. I lay away, heart in my throat, replaying all three kisses in my head like a giddy school aged kid with their first boyfriend. The first one: off guard and alarming. The second: spectacular and dawning. The third: nostalgic and longing.
Holding up my left hand I look at the word embedded on my ring finger; “pretty.” Plain, blockly black text mocks me. A friend of mine in high school had “your eyes- fuck, excuse me I’m sorry, your eyes are stunning, I’m Melo,” appear on my thigh during swim practice at pe junior year. All I get is “pretty”. A tried and true compliment but one I hear so often. One that is almost never accompanied by other nouns. “Pretty”.
Chanyeol called me pretty the moment we met. Out of breath and slightly dazed, his tongue twisted loops just to force out a measly “pretty.” I laughed of course, a famous man told me I was pretty, to which I complimented him back. He asked me on a date that minute and I said yes. He could be the one. The one whose handwriting is scrawled unceremoniously on my marriage hand. God is so funny like that sometimes. Kiss one, kiss two, and kiss three… I wonder if “your smile takes all the air out my lungs,” is neatly scribbled on his tanned skin somewhere, if that’s why we’re in a secluded cabin.
Mom told me not everyone finds the owner of the words, and not everyone ends up in love with the owner of the words. Some stay friends, some become enemies, others simply live life never searching. I remember the day mama’s words left her, she didn’t leave bed for a week. I never met the person, but daddy says she was kind, and the light of my mom's life. A part of me wishes the words would just leave me, but then I remember why words suddenly disappear and feel guilty. Searching for the owner of these words has placed me in vicarious situations, ones I almost never got out of. I should just give up. Who cares if kiss one wasn’t special, the other two still had me reeling. I’m so giddy, I can’t wait to see him in the morning, to speak with him all day, to kiss him goodnight again.
Soulmate or not, one thing is for sure, I am falling for Park Chanyeol.
#exo#chanyeol#park chanyeol#chanyeol fanfic#chanyeol x oc#cw abuse#tw abuse#cw domestic abuse#tw domestic abuse
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Stop it girl
Erik X Black Reader.
Warnings: Fluff, regular shit.
Summary: Erik was tired, laying out on the floor of him and his girls shared bedroom while scrolling through his phone.
“You want me to buy you a new tapestry? I saw one the other day when I was out buying some new Jordan 1s”
Erik walked back into the bedroom with a bowl of milk, double stuffed oreos floating on the top. He had his dreads braided back fresh; his home girl had her own natural hair shop and cleaned him up nice with a fresh retwist and a tappered fade. He had on grey sweats that hung loose on his hips, and no shirt.
“What did it look like? You know I’m picky.” His girl, Blessing, was into anything bohemian with soft grunge. She had her hair in long thick dreads, soft curly baby hairs, thick lips, and a cute plump body, her chest and ass too thick for anything she wore and her cute muffin top didnt help either. She was squishy and adorable and sexy and Erik loved every roll and dip of her honey covered body. She was feisty too, and when she wanted something she didn’t hesitate.
“It has some type of galaxy shit going on, idk. Purples and pinks and blacks with these little ass twinkly stars, looked like Uranus or Saturn in the background, had a quote at the bottom of it in cursive.” He put his bowl on her nightstand before lowering to the floor with her, laying on his side before grabbing the bowl again. He stuck his index finger in the bowl, dipping the Oreos further. She was busy making waist beads, one nestled around her curvy waist digging into her love handles.
“You should have picked it up you know I love anything with galaxy shit in it.” He kissed his teeth, eyes trying to focus on the classic movie she popped in her VCR, “I cant believe you still have one of these bitches, it just got a little dust too, and it’s still functional.” His eyes lowered a fraction, sleep trying to creep up on him. That was his own fault too, staying up all hours of the night.
“It’s called taking care of shit of sentimental value instead of letting it waste away.” She spoke out, just finishing up her blue and purple one she was making for a friend her fingers were getting numb now deciding to finish later, and join Erik in watching the movie. She pushed everything to the side, crawling over to lay her head in his crotch area. Her cute chubby feet with toes painted a hot pink wiggled near his bowl. He scrunched his face, playfully swatting at her feet, “if you don’t get those fat ass feet away from me girl, looking like honey buns.” She swatted at his ass causing him to grip her wrist, “yo what I tell you about slapping my ass?”
She rolled her eyes, “and what I tell you about talking about my feet? Just for that you owe me a foot massage after work tomorrow.” Erik shook his head popping a moist Oreo in his mouth, “and what you giving me?” He tried to speak between chewing. She paused, mind in wonder, hands resting on her belly. Erik just eyed her fame, mouth watering from just the look of her thick short ass bunched up on him.
“I’ll think about it.” They both turned back to the TV, monsters ball playing and that one delicious scene almost approaching. She stole an Oreo from his bowl causing him to wine like a baby. “Ask first baby that’s all I ask okay? I spent money on these Oreos.” She couldn’t help the laugh that escaped, “Erik bye.”
“I’m being forreal. Everything I have don’t belong to you, girl.”
“I have about five of your hoodies in my closet right now, E. I take what the fuck I want when I want.”
Erik did a double take, dropping his Oreo back in the bowl and causing milk to splash on her legs. Growling, Blessing wipes at her legs aggressively.
“Chill out! You getting milk on me!”
Erik playfully bites into her leg, “You got five of my hoodies? Where they at?” Erik gets up from the floor, walking over to her messy closet with jeans sling over the rail and shirts hanging off the hangers. Sliding through her clothes, Erik finds all five of his favorite hoodies freshly washed and wrinkle free.
“My all black exclusive lost tribe hoodie?! You serious? I thought I lost this shit and your chubby face ass had it the whole time?!”
“Shut the fuck up with your odd shaped head! You knew I had it don’t play dumb,” Bored, Blessing decides to continue making her waist beads.
“I should throw you over my fucking knee, babygirl. You agree with that?” As mad as Erik was he decided to leave the hoodies there because they were neat and unbothered.
“Stupid ass,” he teased.
“Shut up. You’re the stupid one.”
As soon as Erik made himself comfortable on the floor, Blessing started poking him in his dimpled cheek, twisting her finger. Erik swatted her hand away every single time, finally kissing his teeth and grabbing her finger with force.
“Stop it, girl.” He shoves her hand away, causing her to laugh. This only made Blessing want to continue. She takes her chubby feet and plants them on his shoulder, wiggling her toes obnoxiously in his face. His eyes focused forward but she could see the way his jaw looked like it was going to snap from how hard he clenched it.
“You get so mad for what? I can’t mess with you but you can mess with me?”
“It’s because I’m Daddy and you do what I say.” Grabbing her foot, Erik begins to tickle her feet, that annoying screech she always made loud. Blessing yanks her legs back so bad that she kicked Erik in the head, pausing with a shocked look and a hand over her mouth. Nothing was said but the anger on his face and the reddened spot on his cheek made her laugh so hard her lungs hurt. Even through her teary eyes she could see his rage.
“Nigga, you look like you about to burn my fucking room down!” She shook her head repeatedly, “I’m so fucking humored right now; tickled.”
“Hehehe hahaha shut the fuck up.” That was his come back and it clearly went on death ears because she kept on laughing and hollering.
“Big nigga why you always mad? Chill the fuck out,” Shaking her dreads, Blessing went back to doing her waist beads.
Erik got up from the floor, seating himself on her bed to feel more comfortable. She thought he was being a sour puss but he actually had another plan. Grabbing one of her plush throw pillows, Erik wracked her on the side of her face so hard her eyes closed and her face scrunched up in ugly surprise. His laugh was the golden one, clutching his stomach and stomping his leg.
“Bro you should have seen your face! Looking like,” Erik mimicked her look before bursting into laughter again, “you mad ugly.”
She could still feel the sting like carpet burn on her left cheek. Blowing out hot air through her chubby cheeks, Blessing turned completely away from him.
“You got my fucking eye burning and my face all hot! I kicked you by accident dummy.”
“You want me to kiss it big head?” Erik tossed the pillow back in place.
“I don’t want your stinky ass lips on me ugh,” Blessing shoves his face away.
“Wasn’t saying that shit earlier when I was kissing all on you in the car,” he grabbed her by her dreads, gaining power. She fought through enjoying the force he applied by keeping a straight unbothered face.
“Stop it, girl. Stop acting like you don’t want me yanking you up and shit,” Erik kisses her temple, soothing the burn from the pillow hit. He started swinging her from side to side, humming no guidance in her ear that made her wiggle. He couldn’t sing for shit but she loved it when he sung this new song to her.
🎶 I don’t wanna play no games, play no games, 🎶
“Don’t say that last part because you know it ain’t happening,” Blessing stopped him mid song with a bitchy tone, “You don’t plan on making me Blessing Stevens I’m still gonna be Blessing Jones.”
“Forreal, B? You know I plan on making you my number one forever. Remember that time at red lobster when I fake proposed to get free cake? I can do it again but with a big ass rock.”
She smiles despite her salty attitude, “keep talking, Zaddy.”
“Nah, don’t pull that shit now,” Erik let her go, “you fucked up Blessing.”
“How?!” She pouted, “You mad at me now?”
“Yup. Turn around.”
Blessing groaned, folding her arms, “fight me.”
“Which means come fuck me.” Erik corrected.
“Shut the FUCK up.” Blessing rolled her eyes.
“Which means come eat this pussy.” Erik bit his lip to fight a smile.
“You ain’t cute. Leave me alone.”
“So basically I’m fine as fuck and you want my attention?”
“Ugh!!!! I hate you!” Blessing turned to him, ready to hit Erik upside his head but he caught her hand just in time.
“I love you too, Baby girl,” Erik gripped her chin, “you know you a bomb ass girlfriend? All that crybaby shit and getting mad only makes me want you more.” Erik gripped her neck, pulling her in for a kiss.
“You can be mad at me all you want but your ass isn’t going anywhere. You’re mine.”
“Says who? I got options.” Blessing fucked up with saying that to him.
“The fuck?” Like flipping a light switch Erik’s aggressive nature surfaced again to make her weak. Taking his hand, he wrapped around her neck with one hand and his mouth dangerously close to her hear.
“The fuck You talking to?”
“Daddy, not you,” she rolled her eyes into her head to fake annoyance. Erik just stared at her with his hard ass eyes making her squirm.
“What you looking at?” Blessing asks with a slight roll of her neck. He just licked his lips, looking her up and down.
“What, I cant stare?” He just grabbed her up and said, “man, come here.” She followed him like she just wasn’t mad at him a few seconds ago.
“Tomorrow ima fuck the shit out of you cuz you been acting crazy lately.” Erik rested his head on the side of her face.
“Why not tonight?” Blessing was wet and horny now she needed some dick, some fucking love, her hard headed ass boyfriend.
“I’m tired, B.” His eyes did speak that into existence when she turned to look at him. She admired his handsome face even though his eyes were focused ahead and ready to close.
“...damn, yo ex dumb as fuck.” She stated, causing Erik to chuckle. Blessing turns back around, pushing her booty into Erik’s crotch. He gripped her hip to stop her but she just kept on going, rolling her hips like she spelling out coconut. Erik lets out a frustrated sigh at his dick disobeying him.
“Stop it.”
“Stop what? I’m just playing.”
“This is blasphemous,” Erik spoke in a fake surprising tone, “you’re molesting me with your phat ass.”
“Shut up you know you want me to sit this assssss on you,” Blessing spoke in a melodic tone.
“Blessing, don’t start this shit. I still got a fucking cramp in my neck from eating the pussy for an hour straight, my abs still burn from doing push ups in the pussy-“
“I don’t wanna hear that shit you got more stamina than a damn horse.”
“You don’t listen to shit!” Erik yelled in her ear, flipping her over on her back. He pinned her to the mattress, face all scrunched up.
“What, Erik? I told you i got options if you don’t give me what I want,” fighting a laugh at his frustration and anger, Blessing purposely moves her hips beneath him to force him into having wild sex.
“...Bruh im a fuck you up...you acting up...what’s your fucking problem? You need some dick? You need a hug? You need your pussy ate? You need kisses? Like tell me something.”
“You finish telling me to stop now?” She questioned while looking at him a hint in her eyes as to why she’s been acting up.
“You not getting no dick with that attitude then,” he lifted off of her, laying on the other side of the bed closest to the window.
“First of all, I’m sorry.” Her entire mood changed. She decided to act innocent even though she thought about riding the fuck out of him in that moment.
“Aight, So we good?” She chanced a look at him even though she knew that wouldn’t be successful. Erik just stared at her calmly, waiting for her response.
“Yes. We’re good. No more playing.” Blessing blinked up at Erik innocently.
“So that mean you ready to get your pussy ate again?” Erik sat up, taking his hands to pull down her bottoms. Laying flat on the bed, Blessing lifts her hips to help Erik out as he slid the right fabric from her round booty. Tossing it to the side, Erik went flat on his stomach, arms wrapped around her thighs to pull her close. Blessing shielded her face like always whenever Erik kisses her gently on her inner thighs. It was torture.
“Talking about YoU NEeD To Fix YOUrr AtiTude, first of all, nigga...eat it out of me.” Blessing couldn’t help herself. Erik slapped her inner thigh to calm her ass down but that also made her laugh. She was silly.
“Stop, B,” without a warning Erik started eating her pussy. Blessing locked up around him, doing that thing with her hands where she held him in place but at the same time pushed him off of her.
After Erik successfully shut her up and had her moaning, he laughs, looking up at her weak expression and says, “You good?”
Blessing couldn’t even respond to that smart ass remark because Erik’s mouth was back on her pussy like it never left.
“What happened to that attitude? All that make me shit? Like it ain’t shit. Like I won’t eat the fuck out your soul and fuck the attitude out your soul and never give that shit back?”
That’s all he had to say in that moment while she laid back and let his tongue crave her. Erik got her ass to stop now with his tongue flicking her clit. On the inside she battled to sass him but his tongue was hitting that spot so the shit didn’t matter anymore.
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Start Again
Draco Malfoy x Male Reader
Warnings: Death, cancer mentioned, depression episode, suicidal thoughts
*The song The Things We Used To Share is written by Thomas Sanders, but claimed as though the reader wrote it.*
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The Slytherin common room was one of the few places that comforted me. Well, let me rephrase that. The empty Slytherin common room was one of the few places that comforted me. I was a loner. I didn't want to be around people. I liked blending in and just observing from a distance. I liked being on the outside for the most part.
How I got into Slytherin, I'll never know, but I don't really mind. Sure, I get picked on by Pansy and then more so because my mom was a Muggle, but I didn't mind it anymore. I'm used to their hateful comments. Actually, I didn't mind their hateful comments because I was missing my mom and that was what consumed my mind more. My mom had recently passed away from a long battle with cancer. Father had just sent me an owl a week ago. To make matters worse, my boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, had broken up with me after being together for three years.
I grabbed my ukulele and headed outside. It was dark and late. I shouldn't have been out, but even the heartless Filch has been letting me play my ukulele outside, as long as I was away from any open widows. Maybe he understood in a way. I didn't know, and I didn't question it either. I didn't want to know.
I quietly sat in the grass, leaning back against the tree close to Hagrid's house. The lovely man offered me to come down anytime I wanted to. I did take him up on his offer at times. He was so sweet to me. He was, hands down, my favorite professor even if his class was rather strange.
I thumbed the strings of the tiny guitar-like instrument in my hands. My mom had taught me how to play ukulele. She said when I was a baby, I had bumped into her guitar, and I tried to pull myself up with it, but I strummed the strings. Horribly, but I'd strummed them. She told me I laughed and giggled. She would always play the guitar for me. Later on, when I was around five, she bought me a ukulele and charmed it so I couldn't break it.
The rest was history. I never got into the guitar, but my mom was proud of me nonetheless. Though it wasn't exactly meant for ukulele, I started to play one of my mom's favorite songs. I played the beginning, repeating the notes until I got up the courage to finally sing the words.
"I've heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do you? It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth. The minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."
Tears built up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Mom was a strong woman; she fought for two years with cancer. She wouldn't want me to cry for her. She wouldn't want me to stay upset. She would say, ‘be strong, my son, for we’ll meet again one day.’
"Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof; her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to a kitchen chair; she broke your throne; she cut your hair and from your lips she drew the hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."
My hands started to tremble as I played on, my notes still coming out strong and clear, though. Mom had taught me that no matter what, never look down at your hands if you know the song by heart. If you know the song by heart, your hands will know what to do. And she was right. Though I was starting to fall apart emotionally, my hands still knew what to do. She always taught me to believe in myself.
"Maybe I have been here before. I know this room; I've walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch. Love is not a victory march. It's a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."
My words were starting to shake. Mom believed I was very talented in my music, and she thought I was going to go somewhere. She thought I was gonna be some famous ukulele player, some famous singer. I wish I believed her. I wished I could go back and tell her that I only needed her to be my biggest fan and that would make me famous enough in my heart.
"There was a time you let me know what's real and going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you? And remember when I moved in you? The holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."
Mom would be proud of me. She would be proud to know I hadn't let my grades slip because of her passing. She would be proud to know that I didn't let anyone know I was sad. She always told me that if I didn't trust the person, don't open up to them or they'll use you. So I didn’t open up to anyone.
"Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. And it's not a cry you can hear at night; it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."
When the song was finished, I leaned my head down, crying silently as I remembered all the good times my mother and I had shared. Father wasn't hardly ever around; he worked for the Ministry, and he ended up working over time many, many nights. Mom and I made it without him, and we had become so close. I was devastated to learn of her death. I’d lost the woman who taught me everything.
My mother, my strong, caring, loving mother. She was everything to me. She was my rock, and now that rock was gone, and I felt I was drowning in an ocean. My mother would be devastated to know I'd begun starting to think of harming myself. At mealtimes, I'd found myself wondering if I could sneak a knife back to my room. In the common room, when one of the other boys would leave their razor behind, I found myself wondering if I could swipe the blade or maybe use my own.
And Draco... fucking Draco Malfoy. That wonderful, horrible boy. He had always been so sweet to me, so caring. But upon learning of my mother's death two days after I had, he had broken up with me for reasons I could not explain, for reasons I did not know. I pulled myself together, wiping my eyes as I started to strum another song: a song I had written myself the night Draco had broken up with me.
I watched myself play it for a few moments, just playing the strings. I knew the words by heart, but it had taken me a little while to write the tune to it. I didn't sleep that night; I was up the entire night trying to write my feelings out, find the correct tune and words. The words, though, were a bit fudged so if anyone found it, I didn't have to tell them it was about Draco. I added things that weren’t necessarily about Draco an I as well so people wouldn’t be too suspicious. Soon, I felt comfortable with the playing and I closed my eyes, strumming carefully.
"You can have the toaster and the PC or even my Timothy Green DVD. I'll let you have the couch and the TV. Hang on to that jacket that you bought for me."
Fresh tears pooled behind my closed eyelids, but I didn't think about them. I only thought of the memories Draco and I had shared. Cuddles on the common room couch, late night walks in the halls and running from Ms. Norris, quick closet snogging sessions, and stupid jokes we told each other at four a.m. when neither of us could sleep.
"I don't really care, you can keep the things we used to share, but what did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart?"
That stupid boy still held my heart, and I knew he always would. Tears ran in streaks past my closed eyelids and down my cheeks, but I paid no mind to it. I just strummed, pouring my soul into the lyrics I'd written just a few nights ago. My first and only successful gay relationship. Look how successful it was now.
"No more fireworks. No more compass. You didn't leave a single butterfly in my stomach. You took my spyglass, no knowin' what lies ahead. Took my warmth at night, but left a dent in my bed."
He still gave me butterflies. All the silly pictures we took still remained in the photo album I had next to my bed. He would always sleep with me at night when I had nightmares. He always made me feel safe. But now... now I haven't a clue what lies ahead, what'll happen to me or even him for that matter.
"I don't really care, you can keep the things we used to share, but what did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart?"
He held my heart and fractured it. He broke it. Three years of us being together. I never thought it would last that long, but had grown so attached. I was barely fourteen when he had asked me out, barely comfortable being out as gay. But three years later, and we were still going strong. And now...
"You've stripped me of my pride. That's for the best, but you've also deprived me of a full night's rest. So no more dreams where we pull through, and I can't collect my thoughts cuz they're still with you."
My boyfriend, he was a work of art. Talented, arrogant, snarky, insecure, broken, handsome, and wonderful. A little bit of everything. I wouldn't have traded the world for him; I would've given my life for him. I still would. Though he avoids me, he's still the person I value the most after my mother.
"I don't really care, you can keep the things we used to share, but what did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart?"
Things, materials, they never meant anything to me. I was fine with a sweater he gave me, the picture album, and the memories. Sure, some of those things were materials, but they were more than that; they held meaning. I don't know what I'd do without Draco, and I guess I'm starting to find out.
"I wouldn't take it back, even though I feel sore. I meant it when I said, 'what's mine is yours.' But I need to know, now that we're apart: What did you do... I need to know now that we're apart: What did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart?"
I was almost angry at my mom and Draco. Both had broken my heart. Both had left me alone. Both had left me struggling to find closure. Both had left me searching for answers. Both had left me hurt.
I placed my ukulele next to me and started to sob. I wasn't ever allowed to cry around people; I never allowed myself to do so. The only people to see me cry was Mom and Draco. And they both left me. I don't know what I did wrong. I can't believe the two people I loved the most were gone.
There might be a razor laying around in the common room. I hid my face in my knees. I didn't want these thoughts. They weren't helping me. There might me a spare knife in the kitchen laying around. The house elves won't notice if it's gone. I covered my head. Too many feelings. Too many emotions. Madam Pomfrey is asleep. She won't notice a bottle of pills missing. Stop. Stop it. I can't do this. You're alone. Mom is dead. Draco hates you. No one will miss you.
"Stop it!" I cried out, my body shuddering with my sobs. I can't have these thoughts. I'm strong. I'm strong. I have to be strong. I can't be weak. Mom didn't raise me to be a bitch. I shouldn't even be crying right now, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to handle myself any longer. I felt more lost than I had my first day at Hogwarts trying to find my classes.
Suddenly, I heard my name spoken quietly above the sound of my tears. I jerked my head up, violently wiping my cheeks. Slytherins didn't cry, and I surely did not ever cry. I looked around for the source of the voice, but my vision was too blurry, and it was too dark. I'm imagining things again. I just miss Mom and Draco. I dropped my head again, holding my knees.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I know I messed up bad. I don't know what I did, but I'm real sorry. I messed up bad, and I can't fix it because I can't fix what I don't know. I'm sorry for not being the son that you wanted. I'm not the person you thought I would be." I squeezed my knees, wishing Mom was there to hold me. She let me cry even though she told me I shouldn't ever have a reason to cry.
"I'm sorry, Draco," I continued. "I'm sorry I couldn't be the boy you wanted me to be, and I wish you the best of luck. Whoever you choose... they're quite lucky, and I hope they love you as deeply as I do." I would never stop loving him..
Kill yourself. You know that no one would miss you. You know the wizarding world would be better of without someone like you. You haven't done anything for anyone, do you realize that? Face it: if you killed yourself, the entire community would celebrate. They wouldn't mourn, not over you.
"You're right," I mumbled to myself. "Maybe I should just kill myself."
"No!" A voice cried out and this time, I knew it wasn't mine. "Dammit, don't you fucking say that!"
I looked around and saw a figure running towards me. Only once I wiped my eyes again did I realize that that said figure was Draco. The last person I want to talk to right now. Draco knelt in front of me and took my hands. His own eyes were red from crying. What did he have to cry over?
"Don't say that," he repeated softer as he looked into my eyes. "
What's it to you, Malfoy?" I replied bitterly, but I didn't pull my hands away.
"You mean something to me..."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Sure. That's why you broke up with me the day you learned of my mother's death. That's why you avoided me since. So tell me, Draco, why are you here now?"
A look of hurt fluttered across his beautiful features, and he gave off a small sigh. "I-I have things going on in my family, too, and I didn't want to burden you with that on top of your mom's death," he spoke quietly.
"So you broke up with me?”
He looked down, a single tear running down his cheek, but he stayed silent. I sighed softly and pulled him down next to me, hugging him. He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me and holding me tight.
"Father is trying to do more stuff and-and he wants me involved as well. Mother thinks it's a great idea, but I don't wanna do it. I didn't want to get you involved, and I thought if I broke up with you, then it would hurt less." Draco was stressed, worried, and confused.
He did what he thought was best for me. He was always that way towards me. I gave him a gentle squeeze.
"And now to know I'm part of the reason that your thoughts have turned to suicide..." His voice cracked a bit, and he didn't even try to cover it up.
"It isn’t you, Draco. These-these thoughts are more complicated than that... We both have a lot going on in our lives, in our home lives, in our school lives. I forgive you, Draco," I said quietly.
He looked down at me, wiping away my tears. "So you'll take me back?" he asked. I gave a slight shake of my head.
"Not right now, Draco. You hurt me; you hurt me bad. You left me when I needed you most, but I still love you, and I'm willing to give you a second chance... just not now. I think it’ll be best for the both of us...”
"So we start as friends?"
"We start as friends," I agreed.
"I can deal with that. I'll always be here for you, I promise that from now on. I'll wait on you forever if that's how long you need," Draco told me, and I gave a soft smile. His voice sounded genuine and it didn't have that 'cover' sound like it did when he made fun of others.
He titled my head up and pressed his lips against mine. Does he know what the friend-zone is? I guess I didn't either because I didn't hesitate to kiss him back. His lips tasted like a slight mint taste with salt from our tears mixed in. Just before he pulled back, I felt him smile.
"I thought we were doing the whole 'just friends' thing to start with, Draco," I said, trying to sound stern, but I couldn't do it.
"You kissed back," he reminded me.
I couldn't stop my own smile. "Touché, Malfoy. As much as I love your kisses, just friends, okay?"
He nodded again, serious this time. "Just friends until you're ready. I meant it when I said I'd wait for you. I still love you..."
"I love you too, Draco," I whispered.
"You have a real talent with that and a lovely singing voice," Draco said.
I smiled. "Mom taught me how to play the ukulele. It's the only way I can get my feelings out."
"Did you write those songs?"
I shook my head. "Not the first one. The first one is called Hallelujah. It's by a man names Rufus Wainwright. The second... the second I wrote. I titled it ‘The Things We Used To Share’."
"It's sad, but beautiful," he said quietly.
"Thank you. I really tried to explain my feelings in that one."
I took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. "Why did you follow me?"
"I saw you leave, and I thought I owed it to you to explain," he explained. "I finally got the courage to do so..."
"Thank you," I said softly. I was thanking him for coming to tell me. I was thanking him for saving my life. I was thanking him for trying to do what was best for me. I hoped he understood, but I believed he did.
I gazed up at the moon, smiling lightly. All would be well. All would eventually be well. . Tomorrow, I’ll go get help for my depression. I’ll learn to get better. My eyes closed as a soft breeze blew. They weren’t really gone, either one of them. Not really. Mom was in my music, and I had overreacted with Draco.
I reached over and grabbed my ukulele, pulling it into my lap. I had Draco and Mom with me, and that's all I needed.
#x male reader#lgbt#gay#draco malfoy#draco x reader#draco malfoy x male reader#harry potter#draco malfoy fanfiction
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I - Oh, I just died in your arms tonight
I think it was during that damned pub crawl , that i first thought of you in that way, we were kinda organizing it, if i remember correctly, i was with all my gang and Dilara too and at the time i was into her, we were flirting back and forth , but i didn’t want to make a move on her, because i was insecure , that she won’t like the real me, being so fragile at the moment, I thought to myself i wouldn’t want anything like that to fuck me up even more, I needed more time to heal and develop, so yeah for the first time in my life, I ignored and rejected someone who had more sexual market value than me, it was really fun, as she wanted , but yeah that’s whole different story, so back to the pub crawl,
I was with Dilara the whole evening, we even got tied up in that game, but the conversation was kinda boring and stale , so I quickly proceeded to get wasted, to make her more interesting, all my squad was there too, except for the germans and i think Key didn’t come,as they had gone to the one before. It was a really good night, before i got drunk as fuck, but that evening i noticed you and was the first time me thinking that you are actually kinda cool and cute. Funny enough you introduced me to Baptiste that evening,strangely for a person that remembers everything, this is something i can not recall even to this day.
Halloween was quite a special day for me on that day I finally came to accepted that i had a crush on you . That’s why my ringtone for you was that ariana grande song you hated, focus, because I finally focused on you, that you are something special, a fucked up girl I thought I could fix and in fixing her, perhaps mend my own wounds and fix myself, never have I been so wrong. I did save you from the Pit, pulled you out at the cost or my very soul, you of course repaid me in kind , I traded my freedom and who I was for you. A mistake I will never forget or forgive myself for. It was a really posh evening , you making my make up and stuff, me making dumb jokes, cuz i didn’t know how to act around you, it was all really cute, i didn’t even realize it at the time,when we went to Indie, we all had a good time, that turkish/french girl wanted to fuck both me and Timur, but he pussied out in the last second and we didn’t have a threesome that time , which sucked, cuz she was really hot that evening and probably things between us would have been different, imagine how something so small can change a lot of stuff down the line, everything has consequences that ripple in time and change your world. We went to shots after the party, I didn’t want to spend money in the centre, as i was already spending most of my cash on booze and other dumb shit, that winter semester i spend more than five thousand bucks on booze,parties and having fun, all the hard earned cash i got in Germany, also i prefer your company rather than being with the others, which worked out great , as we clicked and had always a good time when it was just us. We tried that stupid weird game as i wanted to challenge you to do something with me, but we were too wasted and the music was too loud to hear one another, funny thing that the entire evening the slovaks were stalking us and later she was complaining.
The next big episode was the famous couples party that we hosted together for sure, we arrived for our own party fucking wasted, as you even recorded in your diary, by that time i was already really hooked into you, after the traffic lights and Halloween party, I remember at that bloody party , that i was looking so desperately for your match , the whole kissing thing - to find your famous partner ( Shrek and Fiona,Cleopatra and Mark Anthony) i invented for you, but unlike the next such party, i didn’t have full access nor control over the drawing of the numbers, the next one was rigged af, never told you that , but i hooked up more people than Cupidonis himself. Imagine my surprise when you kissed some stranger, it was disgusting, but my fault entirely. After that i saw you kissing Alfredo in the bathroom,my heart sunk and i went outside to drown my sorrows in the vodka bottle we had hidden in the bushes, thank God for Timur. The next couple of parties you didn’t come of course - the mustache and nerds/hipsters bullshit, there was this thing with Antonio and you blowing me off , cuz i was a dick, but who cares, btw i really wrote him last year out of desperation to reach out to you in some manner to see if you still care,the fact that he didn’t even bother to reply, proves what kinda of scumbag shitty slug he is - a disgusting spineless person and a liar, he never fucking came close to kissing Justyna , let alone banging her,what a sad joke that fat wanker was and still is!
So yeah through malus I managed to get you to come to the preparty at Etienne’s place for the i think it was a bad taste party or some other shit. It was such a great evening, that you ruined or I ruined , idk who is to blame, me having feelings for you or you being a slut. The whole squad was present, even fucking Pierre came , it was glorious , a night full of booze, laughs and good times, until you decided to make out with Alfredo again in front of everybody and more especially me , even after i tried to stop it from happening, I remember you said that he kissed you and you didn’t want to. but i was too wasted to remember, so yeah i was rage incarnate, damn I had so much fucking anger in my during those months and the ones after, it was like I can’t even comprehend now how can someone be some enraged all the time,i was never calm , just a whirlwind of emotions , a tornado and a volcano in one, losing complete control over the slightest of mishaps happening , i really had no control over myself back then, but yeah , praise the Emperor, that Timur saw what I was about to do and stopped me on time, or i was gonna make an even bigger fool out of my self , punching that smug Italian faggot in the face for something that was not his fault. I ended up with Dilara in Blackroom ,but she didn’t want to play second guitar and i wasn’t in the mood to even talk to her, so she went home with some guy and as I was drinking outside, minding my own business, trying to make sense of it all, guess who came crying. You were really upset and embraced me and cried,never felt so low as you told me why you were crying, i couldn’t hold it any on and added gasoline to the fire, by confessing my feelings for you, such a beta move that was, what was I thinking or drinking.
Couple of days of drama and then came my birthday, to which you actually came and brought me a cake, it was one of the sweetest things someone has ever done for me,at that time we were already good friend and texting back and forth all the time , even before we were together we had around 500 000 messages between us, which i do not know how it’s even possible. But yeah the first birthday party, it was all good, until you pulled out a Victoria and vanished on me, again i was left with a thumb in my mouth, looking like a fool.
The second Birthday party was actually Timur, Ouriel and mine’s , we did it cuz we wanted to get wasted and i didn’t want to celebrate together with them, as my redneck friends didn’t like Erasmus people and Timur needed a reason to get wasted then and on the first of December which is his actually birthday, so technically only Pussiel’s , but yeah whatever. It was in Yavuz’s place you didn’t want to come , but we managed to get you there , you and your green umbrella - weeks of flirtations and tension building up to the event, finally shit was going down. The party was wild, around 40 people in a top floor flat , we had hit up a casino with Timur on the days prior and had won some good money , we bought so much booze and even a disco ball , also got some amateur DJ to play EDM. I was trying to avoid you, but then you came to me and we started talking. Soon i went from golden to drunk, and being wasted, i let go of all the dumb things that held me back , like what would people say and how will everyone react i was finally brave enough . As i looked deep into your eyes , i remember how you bit your lips and said this will ruin everything. And it did. I took your face into my hands and
Ausculor
we made out probably for a good two- three minutes. But at the same time it felt like eternity and few seconds, i couldn’t really tell, my dopamine and Oxytocin receptors were exploding Inside my brain, i felt like i was high, better than cocaine, booze or whatever, we connected, body mind and soul. Release. My knees were soft , i was euphoric , literally felt like the best thing ever.
You just had kissed me.
As i want to end up every story with something positive i will end it here.
The next one will continue right off the bat from this one and will cover up the next couple of months as they were crucial for the whole story.
It must’ve been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight
It must’ve been some kind of kiss
I should’ve walked away, I should’ve walked away
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21 Supernatural Questions
Thanks to @sammit-janet for helping me procrastinate tonight!
1. When did you start watching Supernatural?
Early December, 2014. I’d been sick for a month, already, and had run out of other shows I wanted to watch. I decided to watch that show that Misha Collins was on that my goddaughters used to watch. I got through 9.5 seasons by Christmas. That first hellatus was awful, and it’s how I got into the fandom. I needed more, found con videos, then fan fiction, and the rest is history!
2. Who is your favorite in TFW?
It depends on the day. I usually say I’m Winchester-sexual, angel-curious!
3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?
Ugh. I don’t dislike any of them (though I miss BAMF early-seasons Cas who didn’t bleed much and could do things regular hunters couldn’t like see demons’ faces). If I had to rank them, I probably obsess over Cas the least.
4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs.
You’d ask me who my favorite children were, too, wouldn’t you? Not falling for that!
5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?
You’re killing me. You’re really killing me. I CAN’T PICK. Chuck? Donna? Jody? Rowena? I love John and Mary, but I don’t get squishy when I watch them on the show. Charlie? I literally squealed and frightened my husband when we saw AU!Charlie the first time. Ellen? There are too many and you can’t make me pick!!
6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?
Donna. She kicks ass and calls it butt.
7. John or Mary?
Gonna quote @sammit-janet directly, cuz she said it well: “Both. I know people hate one or the other, but you cannot look at these parents with real-world glasses. John had the mother of his children burned on the ceiling and he had no fucking clue about the Supernatural until then. Once he did, he was on a mission to find whatever killed his wife.
“Mary made a deal to save the man she loved. She would have stopped Azazel that night in the nursery too, but Michael erased her memory. Now that she’s come back, well, don’t you think it’s a little disorienting to spend 32 years in heavenly bliss and then get thrust back down to earth and find out her children are living the exact life she didn’t want them to?
“Also, don’t forget, EVERYTHING was stacked against them. Heaven made 100% sure that they got together just so Sam and Dean could be born and play out the apocalypse.”
8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?
Sam: Tall, but the hair, and he’s a baby, I feel like a pedophile.
Dean: Older, still tall, wiseass, heart of gold, if he loves pie, I’m a goner!
Cas: HOLY FUCK.
Jack: If he’s good, I will hold him and love him and squeeze him and call him George. If he’s evil, I will cut him down with the flames of a thousand burning suns.
9. What’s your favorite season?
I really don’t have one. I have seasons I love more, and seasons I love less, but none are my favorites. The writing in the beginning was tighter, and felt like there was an end coming, which made it more electric. But I really love watching the boys grow and change and make better, smarter decisions, or make stupid decisions for bigger, better reasons. I dislike the degradation of angel powers, though. I mean, remember when Cas could smite an entire diner of monsters or demons with just a bright light, but this season he was beaten to pulp by a demon gang? And now that Heaven’s gates are all open, can Cas fly, again? I mean, they couldn’t fly because the closed gates cut them off from Heaven, but now the gates are open, so LET CAS FLY, DAMMIT.
10. What’s your least favorite season?
Season 7, although that season does have an inordinate amount of things I like about it, so it makes no sense. Story-wise, I get it. They had to systematically take away everything the boys valued in order to leave Sam the destroyed mess he was when Dean and Cas disappeared. I don’t like it when my boys hurt, but I understand why they did it. On the other hand, season 7 gave us Charlie, and Frank, and Garth, and Kevin, and numerous dick jokes, and Sam tied to a bed, and Cas naked on Dean’s car covered in bees. So torn, but when I rewatch the series, I take a deep breath when I start season 7. (During my most recent rewatch, I also took a breath when Toni Bevell came onto my screen, so I guess I now put 12 in with 7.)
11. Opinions on Destiel?
Canon - Dean is straight. He’s said multiple times he doesn’t swing that way. I wouldn’t object if the writers decided to change that, but I respect Jensen and the writers in their decision not to go that way. There are more and more diverse characters on our screen every year, and I’m okay with letting Dean be a cis het white male who loves women of all kinds. I would love if they did a Human!Impala episode and the Impala turned out to be John Barrowman, though. On the other hand, Cas is completely unconcerned with gender and sexuality, so I wouldn’t mind seeing him have a romantic thing with a guy. Pretty sure that would break the fandom, though, so not holding my breath.
Fanon - Holy cheeseballs, that boy swings harder than an old-time saloon door, and I love reading about him being so open to everyone. Give me all the guys banging Dean like a screen door in a hurricane. Dean is all the door metaphors and memes, including the memes about Cas loving to destroy doors. Show me these two idiots falling in love any way you got it. They were roommates, you say? YES. There was only one bed, you say? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. Dean’s a fireman and Cas is a nurse? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME??? BRING IT.
12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?
Not intentionally, or maliciously, but I can see why some folks might think that, sometimes. It’s a fine line the show writers have to balance on when it comes to scenes with Dean and Cas because of the fandom’s obsession with Destiel. They want to show the love between the two characters as brothers, but it can’t be too much love. (However, I sometimes wonder about certain things. I would love to sit down with Jensen, Jerry Wanek, and Robbie Thompson, show them certain moments, and ask why certain decisions were made regarding framing, editing, props, and such. If they weren’t thinking Destiel, what were they thinking??)
13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?
You’re asking me to pick my kids, again. 1-7 is Kripke writing, 8-11 is Robbie Thompson writing, NO NO NO YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DECIDE.
14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?
Crowley
15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?
YES. I’m cool with watching Nick progress into a big bad, but keep Lucifer in The Empty. (I just had a wild thought about The Empty, Lucifer, and The Shadow coming for Jack. Lord, I hope I’m wrong.)
16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?
Quoting Sammit again: “Sam. He found out he had demon blood in him, was one of Azazel’s “chosen”, died by being stabbed in the back, went to hell for 100 years, lost his soul, was driven mad by Lucifer, almost died doing the trials, was possessed by Gadreel…did i leave anything out?”
Dean and Cas have also had their share, but if you want to quantify it, I think Sam has had more.
17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?
Baby, Dog Dean Afternoon, Don’t Call Me Shurley, most of the other episodes writing by Robbie Thompson, too.
18. Do you like case episodes?
They are a nice breather in between the episodes where I can’t sit back for moment.
19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?
I switch back and forth between Dean and Sam. I relate to Sam wanting to go to college to get away from his family, I relate to Dean’s eating habits, I understand why Sam’s done all the stupid shit he’s done, and I understand Dean not wanting to delve into things because it’s hard. Oh, and I say awesome almost as much as Dean. Cas, though, is a mystery to me. The only time I relate to him is when he’s confused by pop culture references.
20. Why do you like Supernatural?
The characters. They’re just so fucking interesting, you know? And (with some notable exceptions) the writers have managed to keep them from getting too far away from who they were in the pilot, while showing them growing and changing and improving. I love the world, I love the fantasy, and I love how universal they all are. I mean, if you took characters from another show and put them in a Beach AU, I wouldn’t be able to see it like I can with these characters. They’re awesome.
21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?
Keep Lucifer dead, bring back Frank. I also want to see more of Linda Tran. Or Ellen, though I don’t know what they’d do with her with Mary around. I’d say Crowley, but I know that will never happen, and I understand why, so I’m letting him go.
Tag yourselves!
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Finally got around to watching season 7 and HOOOO BOY do I have a lot to say
“he’s the youngest pilot ever to lead a mission into space” I think you forgot to mention ‘professional gay disaster’
Shiro looking at Keith, who is staring morosely out the window: he so obviously needs a hug but he would also glare a hole through my face if I come within ten feet of him how can I show this child love
DO YOU SEE LANCE'S LITTLE SWOOPY HAIRCUT
why is Little Lance’s voice deeper than Big Lance’s
“the emo kid’s doing it!” of course he is what more would you expect from the kid who never talks and openly but silently hates your guts
how does this twelve-year-old know how to drive in the first place
Kieth:*steals a car*
Me: PROTECT HIM
shiro doesn’t even look upset he’s just concerned and impressed
lance is so done with science in general
hello my name is takashi shirogane and welcome to my ted talk
Romelle’s hand gestures fill my soul with warmth
Coran is literally just Space Steve Irwin
Coran’s intimidation methods are #fierce
if that’s seriously how you used to wrangle yelmores then is it really any wonder why Alfor is dead
“like you, lance” an hour of adoring silence for this sibling relationship
how much you wanna bet Shiro is aware of everything around him and his only thought is “listen baby bro I already came back from death once why do you fear that I can’t do it again”
Keith yawns like a gay queen
I aspire the be the same level of zen as the recorder guy in the background
just remember that keith was and still is just as much of a showoff as Lance
Hunk’s expression when James says the only reason Keith is there is Shiro ‘james srsly are you trying to die”
“is that what mommy and daddy told you before-” MY MOMMA NEVER TOLD ME SHIT
there is exactly -.0002% chance of me ever getting over the gorgeous indigo color of Keith’s eyes they’re like tiny emo galaxies
consider: Homelle is such a wholesome hufflepuff ship
Lance Saves All Our Asses Again and It Goes Completely Unmentioned Afterwards Again: a novel by nobody because Lance gets as much recognition as a piece of bra lint
Pidgeot shaking a water drop off her head like a tiny woodland nerd sprite is my new reason for existing
my smol children just got smoler
Shiro looks like some kind of Gaydiana Jones on that hover thing
it’s probably just the anime eyes but it seriously looks like Little Keith is wearing eyeliner
shiro zooming off the cliff is like me trying outrun the overwhelming weight of existence
bby keith in the sunset is Hiro Hamada minus the tooth gap and personal healt- oh no wait that would be Shiro. shiro is baymax. floofy boi= marshmallow bun. WHERE DO THE CONSPIRACIES END.
honey you’re like twenty-two and a very bad liar
Admiral Sonda is just Sam Holt as a woman
literally the gayest gay breakup they could get away with. I applaud you
how dare they use the most underappreciated character as literal bait
ah, i see rescuers down under made an appearance in the timespace of a single frame
why do the yelmores sound like Chewie
the phonotonium bubbles are bringin back memories of the Newtcase scene
that moment when you realize what he means by “you can’t do this to me again” and you feel your will to live crumble into Satan’s coffee grounds
the way that Lance says “ready to charge up the lions?” reminds me so much of that time in Eureka when Zane was like “ready to smash some unstable atoms together at the speed of light?”
I can’t remember a single time that Lance looked happier or more excited about life in general that he does in the intro and... oh, look, there goes my heart. falling to the floor. shattering on the concrete. again. look at it go.
Coran honey they are standing right next to each other does it look like Cosmo is eating her
road trip humor
darling child do you honestly believe that this lion is going to let some random-ass person sit down and drive it
HE'S LONELYYYYYY
What the everloving fuck is wrong with the Altean alphabet
Hunk's selfies are so precious
"No. Nope. Nuh-uh. No way. Can't do this." BIG MOOD OKAY
ALLURA HAS FUCKING SUPER STRENGTH
yes thank you for that recap Lance we had not yet noticed the difficulty of our situation
"super dangerous it's perfect" yeah me too hon me too
will the little PEW PEW sounds ever cease to amuse me? the answer is no
Kosmo+Krolia is the ultimate kickass mom team
WAIT WHAT I THOUGHT THE PROBLEM WAS THAT THE JAWS WOULDN’T OPEN
guys come on have a little faith in him
I, too, sometimes narrate my life inside my head
Kosmo: oh I’m sorry I’ve been a wee bit BUSY DYING
so apparently Kaltinecker is just a generic name for space cows? I don’t like this
“who are you?” *Mushu voice, unfurls wings* “your worst nightmare”
Axca is just “whoop I kicked your ass mY bAd”
“Indeed I was, but now I am your savior.”
why is Ezor so lovable
“we’re going to have to use a more extreme approach” *pulls out silly string threateningly* “start talking”
Hunk looks so offended when they’re picking who to torture
Ezor would be perfect for one of those Garnier Fructis commercials where they pick stuff up with their hair
Can we talk about Lance and Pidge's sibling relationship? I think as much as they complain, they both really miss having that close kind of relationship. Pidge has Matt, of course, but he's not exactly open to talk anytime they want. This leaves Pidge and Lance to fall back on each other. Lance grew up in a big family, and probably also a very tight-knit one. So whether he realizes it or not, he depends on those kinds of connections, with stupid little arguments and support. I think that sibling connection is the one thing that really keeps them grounded when nothing else can.
Oh! And the other thing: This first occurred to me during the "DON'T YOU TOUCH HER" scene, because Lance is the first one to react protectively. Sure, the other's are protective of Pidge, but it's different for Lance because he reacts in such a 'big brother' sort of way. Again, Lance comes from a really big family, so playing the big brother role is second nature to him, and I love that it's such a huge part of his character to be protective.
*S&M plays every time Axca is onscreen*
Coran doing the Office Look
Coran: the lions are weak, we’ll end up right back here
Axca: then perish
I think the guard is already overwhelmed enough, what with having his quiznack handed to him by a couple of mice
Takashi honey does he look okay
why does Zethrid just sound like a guy trying and failing to do a girly voice
so apparently Axca has a type and that type is guys with ‘flippity hair’
Pidge’s smolness is a weapon in and of itself
when did Lance become the right-hand man I like this arrangement
“Can we just fight?” is the pg equivalent of “I’M GAY BITCH”
Ezor’s... head thing makes her look like Space Rapunzel
she was *Star Wars voice* seduced by the dark side of the force
do they seriously expect us to believe that there’s just an alien named Bob
‘intergalactic goofballs” is the most accurate description yet
“c’mere keith” WIVEL WIVEL WHIRL
“I... uhhh” is the most artist thing I have ever heard
do the creators just stuff cookies in their mouths and say random stuff to come up with alien words
WHY DIDN’T THEY GUESS KOSMO IS LOOKS MORE LIKE KOSMO THAN A LION
princess Lance is playing this game the right way don’t you yell at him
Keith’s voice when he says “windy cave?”
”the dumb one” bitch you’re the one who’s dead so who’s really the dumb one here
Bob please stop hurting my son his self-esteem is already fragile enough
Is he beautiful? Absolutely. Is he dumb? ABSOLUTELY NOT STOP HURTING HIM
One of these days Lance will straight up dab and on that day I will die of joy
Allura is literally picking up Hunk and I love it
now Allura’s asking the really big questions. I mean, what are any of us doing here. We’re just specks of dirt floating on the vast tissue of time
Pidge is trying so hard to look like she couldn’t care less and I’ve never related to anything more
She looks so smug whacking the camera
KEITH HAS OFFICIALLY ADOPTED SHIRO’S PROUD SPACE DAD FACE
Lance’s face when he’s talking about his little crush on Keith
CAN YOU TWO GET ANY GAYER
I just want Coran to get to earth and be Dumbledore in a play
I like the end music it’s so dancey and disco but not cringy
In the course of two seconds Coran goes from the Lorax to a ginger version of the guy from Ratatouille
KoSmO ThE dElIvErY wOlF
was that for real an alien dick joke
I like how both my gay sons have marks on their faces. Shiro has a scar, Keith has a Galra mark. What’s next? Lance with airbender tattoos? I hope not.
that is legit just a watermelon with tusks
oh Merlin no that’s even worse please go back to the watermelon
zippity zap your neck goes snap
don’t you love it when female characters literally glow with power? because I do
that was such an Avengers moment
Chat Noir would be proud of you, Hunk
Shiro is a savage
THE FACT THAT KEITH THOUGHT HE HAD TO EXPLAIN WHAT FLIGHT FORMATION EXERCISES ARE
the paladins adopting ‘quiznack’ into their casual cussing vocabulary is what I live for
if “something will come to kill us any minute now” is a good thing, you have severely low standards
oh yes lovely they’re having group hallucinations of space bats
OHHHHHHHHHHH YES BRING ON THE QUESTIONING OF EXISTENCE I NEED THIS ANGST
Hunk stubbornly refusing to sound off is so relatable like my stubbornness also drives all those around me slowly insane
HUNK IS LITERALLY SHOOTING A GIANT RAY OF SUNSHINE BECAUSE HE IS ACTUALLY A GIANT RAY OF SUNSHINE
Hunk being shocked by being shown any form of value and appreciation crushes my heart this boy needs to be loved
that enthusiastic “YEAH!” is what sleep deprived happiness sounds like
I like to imagine the voice actors practicing dramatic anime screaming while they drive to work and now I can’t breathe cuz I’m laughing too hard
WAIT WHAT I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE PROBLEM HERE WAS THAT THE LIONS WEREN’T CHARGED ENOUGH TO FORM VOLTRON
Keith and Lance’s bayards make giant magic wings that’s some serious soulmate shit right there
really you’re not gonna shoot it first to check if it’s real? after that whole space monster thing? you’re just gonna zoom toward it? hon c’mon
and of course the creators had to ask themselves “How can we best ruin this moment of joy? THE GALRA INVASION”
Colleen Holt is a force of nature and the living embodiment of “don’t fuck with me I’ve got the power of God and anime on my side”
Iverson: here’s what we know
Me: YOU FOOL YOU KNOW NOTHING
Sammy’s not having none of your shit so shut it before he tapes it
DO YOU SEE COLLEEN’S FACE I DON’T WANT LIFE ANYMORE
oh jeez they’re lined up by height that’s adorable
I like how this clearly takes place in a fairly distant future, but robots aren’t doing everything like people seem to think they would. The evident majority of labor is still done by people, like engineers and flight directors.
BITCH IT’LL BE YOUR WAR WHEN THE GALRA ARE ON YOUR DOORSTEP DO YOU REALLY WANNA WAIT UNITL THEN
I’VE ONLY HAD COLLEEN FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HER THIS SHOW WOULD BE DEAD TO ME
If they’d shown Keith’s recording it would’ve been like “Hey, it’s me. *with Kosmo sprawled across his lap, panting loudly. Lance is snickering quietly behind the camera* I don’t exactly, uh... have family on earth. But I’m Keith, the Garrison’s number one discipline problem. I wear the title proudly, but I still just wanted to... apologize, kind of, to pretty much every authority figure at the Garrison for making your life living hell. Yeah.”
“but everything changed when the Galra invaded”
does Kinkade ever speak? I kinda want him to be mute. A disabled fighter pilot would be the coolest thing
Veronica is such a badass
aw man he spoke
I can’t wait for when Krolia comes back to earth everyone’s gonna be like “oh fUCK A GALRA SHOOT IT DOWN” and then Keith walks out with his arms up like “HOLD IT THEY’RE WITH US” *Krolia steps out* “everybody say hi to my mom”
“Don’t miss” oh yeah I just thought I’d let them go this would be a great way to let Sandac know we’re here
THE SMALLEST PIDGEOT
oh my Merlin they have a dog
oh what a soft moment
what was with that dramatic look between Keith and Griffin? I mean I know this is Keith we’re talking about but there’s no way they held a grudge that long over a disagreement when they were... what? Eleven?
Allura is rocking that Garrison uniform
“Allura, you’re a genius!” yeah sweetie I know
OH MY MERLIN MY TWO ANGELS ARE HUGGING DO YOU SEE KEITH’S FACE
that’s going to electrocute him
HOLY QUIZNACK SHE HAD A BALMERA CRYSTAL ON HER FOREHEAD THE WHOLE TIME
Shiro’s hair floof looks less like a bird now and more like a dead bush
WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS ALLURALANCE COMING FROM THE STARS GAVE NO WARNING OF THIS I DO NOT ACCEPT
Veronica is officially one of my faves
Kaltinecker is just like “oh this is happening now”
SMUSH
I still can’t believe they got the particle barrier up in the first place
PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE FACT THAT LANCE IS THE FIRST PERSON KEITH CALLS FOR
ohhhh look it’s launching somethings going good- wait never mind WHY ALWAYS THIS
Leifstoder is adorable
CAN YOU ANIMATE SOMETHING ELSE
Griffin has the voice of an angel
Shiro’s floating arm kind of ruins the dramatic hero effect of the doors opening into the light of battle
should the beams from the zyphorge canons be that pretty
I know Sendac is an ass and he deserves to die but I have to admire his dedication
NOW I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEFALLIN
my major problem here is that, a) how is Shiro alive? he has no helmet, no oxygen tank. all the air should be sucked right out of his lungs. He should be dead, and b) NO HUMAN BEING CAN JUST BARREL THROUGH EARTH’S ATMOSPHERE UNPROTECTED LIKE THAT THE THERMOSPHERE IS LIKE 5OO KELVIN SHIRO SHOULD BE A CHARRED PILE OF BONES
we will remember this as the Battle of the Floating Arms
“Victory or de-” *Keith, falling fiercely from the sky* DEATH
aaaaaaaaaand the victory is short-lived
oh I missed this when is the last time they dedicated an entire episode to just fighting a giant-ass robot
KAWAII ANIME PLANCE
so what is this now? Dark matter? Dark quintessence?
Coran: but Voltron!
Shiro: bitch we are voltron
SoMeBoDy’S gOnNa DiEeE
is there anything I hate more than watching my children accept that they are about to die? My burning hatred for Severus Snape comes very close but no there is not
MATT HAS... I DUNNO WHAT IS THAT? A BOYFRIEND? A GIRLFRIEND? HE’S HOLDING SOMEBODY’S HAND AND HE LOOKS FABULOUS
how much you wanna bet that when Haggar disappeared she took over Lotor’s little Altean colony and now she’s using them for the robots
#voltron#s7#reactions#it gets angstier every season#i forgot i made a list of my reactions#and then naturally when i found it again my first thought was#oh yah my three followers would love this#jk i actually have like fifteen followers#this has been fun#its been long and painful#but its been fun#because thats how logic works#right#kitty speaks
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Saturday
QCR2019
Woke up and felt very anxious and nervous, and didn’t know what bag to bring because I didn’t know if we would have to carry large packages. I brought my USPS bag that I normally use as a carryon when traveling.
Anyway then I was still fidgeting nervously around my house, so I went on google maps and made a list of all permutations of routes I’d need (like. each edge in a complete graph. How do you say this? I don't know math anymore) [link to google doc] and PRINTED THAT SHIT OUT YEA printing things out
Finally left house at 12:44 cuz I didn't want to be almost-late like I was to race to reg. Arrived at Potrero del Sol at 13:13; stood around getting a little antsy and also tried to review in my head where to go. A lifetime of test-taking has primed me for this sort of thing.
The format of the race was to complete each segment by going to pick-up and getting stamped, then going to drop-off and getting stamped. Also there was a value component but because I'm stupid, I didn't really pay attention to this (the graph was directional and weighted, is what i'm saying) (at least for manifest 1, 2, and 4. not sure how to graph manifest 3, which was round trip (had to go back to pick-up point and get third stamp before segment was completed))
The first manifest was:
Pick-up | Drop-off
kryptonite | ugly juice
kryptonite | deluxe cycles
kryptonite | stella courier
pentacle coffee | onfleet
ugly juice | sfbma/blaw
All segments had to be completed so I definitely ignored the values. Here’s my route:
I decided to get the long-haul (deluxe) out of the way first, and stopped by stella on the way there. I was alarmed because everyone at deluxe had already hit up ugly juice and I was like !?!?!!? how!?!?!? and started secondguessing my routing. But actually I feel ok about my routing?
Except the spots where I got confused (going on Terry A. Francois instead of straight down 3rd until Illinois, because I didn't know where Illinois started), and after leaving deluxe to go to pentacle, I forgot to check my permutations sheet so I didn’t get on Golden Gate Ave and instead went up Bush way too far like an idiot (Bush is a slight climb, Golden Gate Ave is a descent LOL). And then I hit the light at Geary and had to go back to Post at which I also hit a light. Man. Burned mad time during that bit.
ANYway, eventually made it back to Kryptonite. Decided not to do any more long-hauls out to deluxe. because laziness HAHAHAHah
Don’t remember the second manifest but I did two on the third manifest which was round trip (sfbma->something->sfbma) and (kryptonite->something->kryptonite)
I was getting very flustered because I'm not the best at making decisions, but I wrote down my destinations in order and consulted my permutations sheet
HAHAHAHAHAH
This took me an hour, if you can believe that. O brother.
Got the last manifest at 16:24 or something sooo late and got overzealous about hitting up places, and stupidly wanted to go sfbma->stella->onfleet->uglyjuice->kryptonite
which is like, wayyyy too much shit for half an hour, for me
But I was already on my way to sfbma before this sank in, and so then I had to make the drop at stella and I knew I wouldn't have time even for onfleet, which had dropoff at kryptonite
and this is where I was an idiot for not checking the values, because onfleet->kryptonite was 2x my sfbma->stella drop
(Aside: i feel like i made a critical error in going to sfbma before picking up the last manifest. but also kryptonite was so out of the way that i wouldn't have been around to pick up the last manifest at all. so maybe that was okay? but having to go b->k->b was not smart. then again i didn't know what woulda been on the last manifest. i could've gone from uglyjuice down brannan or bryant or whatever and gone back to kryptonite. hmmmm. whatever, hindsight is 20/20 and this was a learning experience.)
ANYWAY this was super fun and I loved every moment of it. I hit no one and no one hit me so A+ for safe travels.
Next time I would bring more water because I was very sweaty and dehydrated and sweat kept going into my eyes (farewell, eyeliner).
There were no major climbs or pain points wrt biking. Oh also Illinois is a horribly paved road.
Afterwards, I hung out for an hour at Potrero del Sol and then headed home. Stopped for a burrito at Taqueria Vallarta because I was so close by, and then stopped at the horrible Safeway on 7th and Cab for ICE CREAM . yea FUCK YOU grocery outlet you never have decent flavors
All in all, a good Saturday.
Major shoutouts to organizers (SFBMA, Sean, others?), checkpoint workers (aka unsung heroes), and sponsors. Every event they do is fuckin awesome and this one was no exception.
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