They got hypnotized by that maid vampire (I'm sure there's at least one out there in Kyuushi land)

I ship sebaciel but I only like their dynamic, in my head I imagine an adult Ciel and I only read fanfics when Ciel is way over 18 and can decide by himself/not be manipulated. I was raped when I was 15, I could never ship something like that. But anti pro shippers never bother to see the nuance. I'm afraid if I start publicly shipping it, people will call me a pedo lol Also I think that the ones who like the age gap still can't be compared to real pedos who consume lolicon/ realistic drawings who REALLY resemble children and explicitly are in a setting of a child being molested. I see incels doing that, and the kuro fandom is mostly women.

Hi, anon. Sorry I didn’t reply yesterday. I had COVID a couple weeks ago and now have bronchitis and i just ran out of gas to formulate a response I felt this ask merited.

First of all, I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you’ve been able to get past it enough that it doesn’t affect your daily life too badly 🫂.

Sadly, a lot of antis act as if they’re the only ones who have been victims of (sexual) abuse, and that any survivor who doesn’t behave the way they do either must be lying or “deserved” what they got— which is absolutely awful to do to anyone.

As I’m sure you’re aware, we’re not a monolith. Some survivors find rape play (whether role play or in fictional works) helps them move past their trauma because it helps them to have the control they didn’t have as victims. But others find it triggering and upsetting and not helpful at all— and that’s valid too.

I personally don’t ship sc anymore mostly because I just don’t click with Ciel in the ship the way I do with other pairings. I also personally get very very uncomfortable with some underage depictions. For example, there was a fantastic sc fan fic a few years ago that I had to stop reading. It is one of the best written works in the fandom, but it just made me so uncomfortable (it’s underage) I had to stop.

But what did I do? Did i leave the author an angry message saying I was not gonna read it? No, ofc not. I just clicked away.

So if for you, you need situations in which you feel Ciel can fully consent/is in control to feel comfortable and happy then that’s perfectly valid! There’s no one “right” way to ship anything, and you have to look out for yourself first. Because we come to fandom to have fun and escape, so no need to delve into things you don’t like or that make you uncomfortable.

Antis are incapable of seeing these kinds of nuances, or realizing that purposefully consuming content that upsets you is self harm.

Sadly, if you openly ship sc (or even aren’t absolutely against it) you may get some hate. I know I have gotten my share, and it’s *always* about Ciel, no matter how I’ve depicted other characters or what ages they are in my stories. But I’ve also gotten hate for being a fujoshi (misgendering me at that) more than once, and some of it even before I joined the fandom… for my original work.

My point is that people are gonna attack you if they’re gonna attack you…. if you’re not willing to take that risk by being public about your ship that’s valid too. I definitely get how exhausting antis can be and if you’re just wanting to stare at your blorbos for a bit you don’t wanna be fighting of negativity left and right too.

It’s a shame that antis have started using the word pedo as a word for anyone they dislike, devaluing it, but the real shame imo is that they refuse to see that actual CSEM is bad not because it’s gross or immoral but because it harms actual children, who grow up to be adults with trauma.

I think it’s very important to distinguish actual CSEM (or “fictional works” that were intentionally modeled off real CSEM) from anything that’s purely fictional. Because you can never really know why someone made something or why someone likes something.

I write about child abuse, sexual and not, a lot because I find it very therapeutic, but someone might read my works and may draw other, completely erroneous conclusions about me and my motives.

I honestly think a huge chunk of the kuro fandom is nonbinary, but I don’t really know the demographics. I’m sure they’re slightly different depending on if you’re looking at the western or eastern fandoms…

But women can be toxic just like anyone else. Some of the absolute most vile antis I’ve seen identify as female.

Ultimately, I think that the best thing to do with the fandom (or any fandom, really) is to curate your experience. Block accounts that trigger you or don’t vibe with you. Find like-minded friends to chat with in private, so you don’t have to worry about strangers hopping on what you say. Filter tags and use apps if you need to.

I think it’s a shame that antis are so vocal in the fandom and have divided it so much. As a multishipper not much into sc, I have definitely felt that fracture more than some others, since sadly too many non-sc shippers think they need to scream about how icky that ship is and be jerks when we could just ignore sc entirely and enjoy the other ships we like instead together?

But the no matter what antis claim, sc shippers have always been and will always be the column that holds the fandom up, and you either need to make peace with it or learn to ignore it.

🫶

My ask box is open for anyone who doesn’t feel comfortable being open about their love for kuro but would like to squee over it/the new series with someone who doesn’t mind listening :)

i finished blood of zeus and i'm going to try and formulate some of my thoughts on it here. i'll preface this by saying i really enjoyed the first season (it had some flaws, and there were parts i didn't like, but overall the story was interesting and i liked most of the portrayals). spoiler warning for season 2 ahead!

i had quite a few gripes with the show this season. it very much so felt like a set-up season (which is fine), but it also made the show feel very slow. one of my biggest complaints was actually about heron as the protagonist - i didn't mind him in season 1, but in this season, he felt so flat, boring, and irritating that i genuinely tuned out most of his scenes. his role in the story made sense in the first season, but now, everything feels much bigger than him and he has no reason to be involved in all of the godly drama. get him out of there lol. he has no understanding of the politics of olympus and is mortal, but he can shoot lightning and zeus liked him so he deserves to be a contender in who gets to lead them? HUH? (an oversimplification, i’m aware)

my second complaint was ares. i've seen a lot of people reiterate my feelings, that it was frustrating to see him portrayed so negatively, that his storyline with persephone was bad and that his antagonism was infuriating. which i also agree with. i think my biggest issue here is not that he was an antagonist, but that his motivations for antagonism were weak at best. ares sided with hera in season 1. he should NOT be able to parade himself around olympus the way he did this season - hera had to go into hiding and even poseidon was removed from the overall plot because of their deeds. but there seems to be no repercussions for ares, which is flaw number 1. flaw number 2 is that his reason for hating heron and being a general jerk is that he isn’t a bastard and deserves more renown than any of the others. i think it would have been FAR more interesting to make ares’ storyline centered not on his sense of superiority, but actually his jealousy (kind of the way wrath of the titans did it. in that film, he was jealous of perseus and the love zeus had for him). ares being jealous that, despite being zeus’ ‘heir’ in this context, and one of his few legitimate children, he didn’t have his father’s love, and he loathes heron for it. you don’t really get that sense from him in this show, and i think it would have been far more compelling for his anger to have come from envy instead of pride. the persephone stuff i just can’t even touch on because why.

my third complaint is actually about demeter and persephone - demeter in particular. her being the villain is so frustrating, but i can’t exactly be surprised. i knew the moment that this show portrayed hades and persephone as a loving couple with a romantic origin that demeter was going to be villainized. but the way they did it is ridiculous. she’s not a grieving mother - she’s pure evil. the storyline with the cordyceps was fucked (and also… really insignificant, somehow). but i think the part that aggravates me the most is that it completely ignores why demeter froze the earth the first time. she did not do it to be spiteful, or out of anger. she didn’t do it to punish anyone. she was a grieving mother, a mother who had lost her daughter and no one in the world seemed able to help her, and her grief manifested in dying crops. in this show, she’s just vindictive, cruel, and genuinely terrifying, and i cannot stand that she is once again being villainized in one of the FEW greek myths that actually centers a woman’s emotions and does not belittle them.

fourth - i love hades and persephone, but their little scheme was so wishy washy. hades as an antagonist felt half-baked, and the fact that no one on olympus actually saw this coming is a miracle because everything hades did felt really dumb and obvious. i feel like there were a hundred different ways the two of them could have gotten what they wanted. i also loathe the idea that zeus cheated his way onto the throne - i’m glad the show didn’t actually blame him for it, that hera took the fall, but i think that the fates work a little more powerfully than that - and that cheating wouldn’t be possible in this circumstance. zeus did earn the throne and he deserved it, and i will die on that hill. (my other complaint is hades and persephone’s design. blond persephone is the bane of my existence lol and hades looking like an older ares was… sigh).

a few other things i didn’t like: the way the story of typhon unfolded. at first i thought they were implying that typhon was just. plain old defeated by all the gods together, and i was frustrated, but they sort of fixed it by stating zeus was the only one who stayed to fight him. however, the lack of focus on zeus in this story means that they’re ignoring the personal stake zeus had in needing the eleusinian stone under his control. it was also weird that they implied then that there was no king of the gods until AFTER typhon, which is… a long time, actually.

the gorgo plotline also felt kind of unnecessary. seraphim’s arc could have easily been about his mothers instead and we could have felt the same level of sympathy but alas.

there were some things i really did like though! and those are as follows:

athena and hestia. zeus trusting the two of them with the very stone that gives him his power was beautiful, and i love how hard the two ladies fought to keep it safe. hestia wrecking the keres was incredible (and also hilarious to me. anyone who read my fic ‘mnemosyne’s curse’ will know that hestia scorched the keres in that story.. and then did in blood of zeus which was amazing haha). the inclusion of hestia in the story was nice. and i really loved the way the show portrayed athena’s intelligence - not just in combat or in solving problems, but she was quite emotionally intelligent as well which was a nice touch.

i liked hera’s attempts at reconciliation. i think they could have been more detailed, but her defending zeus at his trial broke my heart and i loved the way she handled the conflict. poseidon as well - his willingness to admit that zeus should have been king, and him backing out of most of the conflict for the throne was a very interesting touch i didn’t anticipate but really enjoyed.

zeus in tartarus. i mean, i didn’t actually like it because it broke my heart but him repenting and still ending up in tartarus was painful and i cried a lot i’m not gonna lie.

zeus kid solidarity - watching them work together and fight was incredible, and i adore all of their character designs so much.

melinoe and zagreus. if you know me you know i’m a fiend for the underworld family and seeing them was so cute. i just wish melinoe’s design was spookier, but alas, all of the gods seem to be very ‘pretty’ so i get why they didn’t.

every scene with zeus. his leadership shining through, his quiet acceptance of his fate, his humbleness. y’all can say what you want about him, but he proved in this season why he deserved to be king, and his absence clearly drove everyone else to some horrible acts as well - meaning what they condemned him for is not something only he is guilty of (what gaia said at the end). i will defend that man to my dying breath, and it pains me to see him this way but it’s also so good.

i am very excited to see typhon as the villain next season. i’m hoping this means they will set zeus free to help them defeat the foe only he was brave enough to stand up against uwu

New OC Drop (SC x Diasomnia story)

So literally as I was formulating a new fox character the other day, HOYOVerse dropped this foxian dude onto the internet like an ikemen grenade as they do.

And my fox dude just so happens to be Chinese-inspired lol. I swear this is a coincidence. Anyway- (big ass nerdy info dump under the cut)

I am introducing another SC series OC, this time for my Diasomnia story that I said I would write forever ago. It's still happening, there are just a few bumps that still need to be ironed out. In the meantime: Meet Zhao Tai-Yang (last name, first name)

I'm taking some a lot of artistic liberties with the world-building for my Diasomnia story. The Land of the Crimson Long (I believe that's what we're calling it on the EN Server, correct me if I'm wrong) has been mentioned in TWST Chapter 7 and the original Halloween event before. As our dear Malleus has stated before, the Chinese Long is not the same as a dragon in the canon timeline. In the timeline that I'm writing for my Sacred Crown OC x Canon series, Long are a variant of dragon fae. Very different from their Briar Valley cousins but dragon fae nonetheless and where Malleus and his family are the monarchs of Briar Valley, The LoCL is ruled by the Long Emperor. Tai-Yang is a fox fae hailing from The Land of Crimson Long, inspired by the mythological fox spirits of China known as 'Huli Jing'. Not Kitsune. No, kitsune are Japanese fox spirits. From what I've read they are similar but not exactly the same. Anyway, moving on-

Without giving away too much, Tai-Yang served the Long Emperor as a trained assassin who sometimes posed as a concubine to lure in enemy targets (and to also protect the actual harem). His family has served the royal palace for generations. Circumstances in the past brought him to the shores of Briar Valley over hundreds of years and reunited him with an old friend in the current events of the story. While he is skilled with a sword, his preferred weapons are his armored claws which he utilizes in hand-to-hand combat. Plus they're easier to hide. Does he have a fox form like Malleus has a full-on dragon form? Maybe?? lol I mostly added the lil fox mascots simply because I could. The story itself doesn't have an official title yet. I've been considering 'Her Waking Dream' but I'm not entirely sold on it yet. Either way, I'm pretty happy with how my boy Tai turned out, especially for a very slapdash sketch I just kinda threw together lol.

@nuitthegoddess @wysteriadelights @iscarlettappel @foxwitchaine @honeyuuyuu @yunaemiya @1ndigowitch @ladyrosemoon @victoria1676 @aiimee9 @feldya @palomiuwu

what writing of yours are you most proud of? do you have a favourite piece?

thanks for the ask! ok so its actually not a fic lol but in grade 9 i skipped class literally every day to write an original novel longer than crime & punishment that i named decay depleted. it was about a vampire living in a nuclear wasteland after a major world war that ended with mutually assured destruction. for the first time in like 300 years she could finally walk around outside in the daytime because the sky was so thick with fallout and dust it blocked out the sun. she spends the novel essentially wandering around starving and looking for humans still surviving in underground bunkers and subway stations who have avoided death by radiation. vampires arent particularly strong or powerful in this setting so the bulk of the intrigue is the various ways she manipulates her way into these human communities (usually by pretending to be hurt, or by saying she has food to trade, or by impersonating a government official/soldier, etc). quite often she receives an invitation inside, sometimes shes shot at and has to flee.

after a while, every human survivor community she comes across is either dead or so sick from radiation that theyve become inedible to her. the vampire begins to grow very afraid because she knows she'll go extinct alongside humanity, and for an undead immortal creature with no lifespan, the thought of nothingness is terrifying.

the novel ends with her finding the bunker of a billionaire politician who had spent years accumulating supplies for his apocalypse prepper paradise. she formulates a huge elaborate plan as to how she will get inside, assuming that he probably has guards, weapons, cctv, etc, but is shocked to find it seems completely isolated. when she finally makes it in, the bunker stinks and is empty aside from mountains and mountains of canned food and water bottles, and the politician in the middle, who killed himself months ago. she collapses from hunger in a room full of food she can't eat, finally succumbing to the reality that she is going to die.

theres a lot of parallels in the story between vampires/rich ppl as a parasite class in terms of their literal predation on poor people. the vampires manipulative ways of gaining entry to human settlements all reflect different forms of soft/hard power. the humans she encounters are either so desperate for resources that theyre willing to put themselves in danger for them, or so empathetic to the plight of others that their kindness is taken advantage of by monsters, or so subservient to authority that theyll let anyone claiming to be a cop or soldier in. however, by the end of it, the vampire begins to feel rage towards the billionaire politician for representing the sort of capricious bourgeois suicide a manmade politically driven apocalypse the nuclear war ultimately represents. her final thoughts are that she could potentially take some of the politicians wasted supplies and redistribute it amongst the other human survivors in order to ensure their ongoing survival, and thus her own. but its probably too late, and most of them have either starved to death or died from radiation poisoning. and besides, her hunger has made her so, so tired.

anyways i dont rly think this is like the best thing ive ever written by any means but the concept was cool and i had fun creating it. also it does kind of crack me up that when i was 14 i spent 8 months skipping school to write a novel and now it just sits on my google drive lol:

Jokes on you I'd love to read your deranged evidenceless spiel about poh Skuld

i don’t know if i have it in me to embarrass myself fully again but long story short i read a post theorizing that naminé was ava and i was actually pretty fascinated by it. i didn’t like the idea of nami not being her own original person tho so i sort of formulated my own version where it was sort of a kairi heart hotel situation. like how ven in sora’s heart influenced roxas’s existence i thought what if ava was in kairi’s heart somehow and played a role in naminé’s creation

the idea behind this (which is the work of the other person and not me) was that ava made into the future by heart-hopping, which ig is better then body-snatching like a certain person i know lol. and she originally went into skuld’s heart. then subject x happens and skuld isn’t safe and so ava jumps ship to the nearest purehearted young lady nearby in radiant garden

uh anyway point being about skuld is it would make her very special and magical and Chosen One i think. chosen for her loving radiant heart to be ava’s safe haven

so as you can see this is never going to be canon because it’s too outlandish but i’ve really enjoyed toying with the idea in the past

things to note that might make me seem slightly less insane:

•it’s noted by multiple sources- gula, brain, ven, and the character files- that skuld is similar to ava. why does this keep coming up? it hardly seems relevant to anything that happens in ux. the connection between them must mean something eventually.

•ava’s keyblade, at least to me, has pastel pretty ocean-wave vibes to it

•naminé’s theme plays in the intro to χ when kairi’s grandma is talking about ‘small fragments of light that survived in the hearts of children’. i know it’s probably just haha pretty song but hey this is kh anything could happen. nomura is great at making us go ‘no way, i didn’t think that meant anything!! what!!’

•i personally have never been satisfied with the canon explanation for naminé’s existence and powers etc. it’s probably because when she was originally introduced the whole nobody thing wasn’t planned but after kh2 a lot of the original gba com lore was changed so they had to come up with some nonsense explanation after the fact. but knowing kh it could suddenly be changed again lol

•iirc ava also has some powers related to memory manipulation. we know she has illusion powers and that’s sorta like what nami has?

tldr: oops i ended up typing it again after all. anyway i hope you enjoyed your sneak peek into my deranged mind

Q's for writers: 16 & 25

Thank you for the questions, dear Anon! :D (For the ask game here!)

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

Haha, this is such a funny question! And I'm racking my brain trying to think of something clever to say, but... Man, I think my worst offense is probably the flap of a pack of Orbit gum that is still currently in my copy of Lord of the Rings. XD It's been there for so long? It's even a different design than the current packaging now, lol. But that's all I can really think of. XD

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? Man! You know, I spend all this dang time thinking about characters and how to write them and their backstories and such... And here I am drawing a complete blank. XD Okay, wait! Y'know what? How about my headcanon for Elijah Kamski from DBH? Specifically the reason he was ousted from CyberLife and how he ended up where he is in canon? The entire thing is... very long and detailed, lol! But the short version is: Kamski was a child genius with opportunistic parents who was thrust into a world he wasn't emotionally prepared for. He struggled with relating to his peers and really only found solace in his college mentor, Amanda Stern, who became something like a mother figure to him. She's the one who really encouraged and fostered his talents, encouraging him to strike out and found his business at such a tender age, and she became one of the founding members alongside him, a steadfast support on his Board of Directors. (I hc there was also a third member of this little founder trifecta, but that's not important rn.) After CyberLife was established and the first androids were set to market, Kamski's innovations continued as he preferred the hands-on R&D to the actual minutiae of running a business. Gradually, the Board would take more and more responsibilities from him, especially after Amanda's health begins to worsen, which would eventually lead to her death soon after. Around the same time, a grief-stricken Kamski would throw himself back into his work, and it's then he'd begin noticing odd discrepancies in his field trials, eventually leading to him formulating his original Theory of Deviancy. But by now, CyberLife is taking off like a damn rocket. When Kamski brings his findings to the Board and puts forward his motion to halt business until he can figure out what exactly is happening, he's overruled. With Amanda's passing, her share of the stock would be seized by the third founder, and Kamski would've been in no place to intercede even if he'd known it was happening. At this point, he's well and truly lost control of the business he helped build from the ground up, his CEO title nothing more than a cheap title the Board uses to placate their shareholders and the public at large. But all of this leaves Kamski in a very dangerous place. His best ally is gone, his powerful empire usurped, and his creations may not be as infallible as he once thought. The last straw is when his experimental RK prototype schematics are seized, though it would take years for CyberLife's engineers to even be able to decipher them, much less catch up to his original craftsmanship. (Hence why CyberLife's RK800 is more or less on par with the far older RK200.) He tries to sabotage the takeover of his own intellectual property, but by ordinance, it belongs to CyberLife. He has no choice but to surrender his creations (though the completed RK200 "Markus" is spared due to a legal loophole of him being gifted to a third party). But he does end up having to surrender the RK100.

I have a whole pet theory about that, too, but suffice to say, the Amanda in the Zen Garden who acts as Connor's handler is the original prototype RK100. The initial experiment was a sort of memory preservation attempt, as the human Amanda's body began to fail her. Kamski wouldn't tried to find some way to save her, and making a sort of imprint of her mind was one of his attempts. Sadly, Amanda would pass away before the full prototype could be built, though the imprints of her mind would remain as the bodiless RK100 in it's virtual world. Kamski would then painstakingly craft the virtual Zen Garden as a space for her, as a sort of memorial to his beloved mentor, which CyberLife would then revamp as a sort of AI to sync with their RK800 series. After that, Kamski would resign his position, leaving with his fortune to become the recluse we find him as in his mansion. He takes with him his first Chloe, the RT600, who he created before CyberLife's bylaws were drafted and so was exempt from the seizure. He would build her multiple bodies that could function independently, but all have access to the same sort of hivemind. And he would begin plotting to take down his former company in the coming years. Starting with purchasing an old, abandoned freighter permanently docked within CyberLife's very shadow... ...Haha, well, I said I wouldn't get into it, but I kinda did. XD Suffice to say, I have *a lot* of thoughts about Kamski that have never actually made it into any of my fics, lol! But I do genuinely think he wants his androids to succeed in their revolution. Now, whether that stems from some sort of twisted altruism, a megalomaniacal god complex, or just good old revenge against the people who wronged him, who's to say? Could be any of those or something else entirely. Could be everything combined. But he does seem particularly invested in his androids triumphing over their human masters and how that will shape history going forward. (And there's also that deleted dialogue of his where, if Markus fails, Kamski himself dares to take up the mantle of leader, which is... 👀👀👀) Anyway, hope that answers your question, lol! Thank you for sending these in, Anon! :D

Hello admin. I'm the same anon who asked about Ruki's redemption arc. I wanted to ask you how YOU would write Ruki's MB redemption arc. Or how you would conclude his MB route as I trust your writing more than Rejet's inconsistency.

🧩 To be honest with you, Anon, I’m flattered you trust my writing more than Rejet’s (I believe they change their writers with each game, which explains their inconsistencies) but I don’t have an answer as to how I’d redeem Ruki in the context of his MB route in particular. Not yet, at least. Maybe one day I’ll write my own version and post it. That’s something I’ve always wanted to do: take the original chapters of his route and expand upon them because omg are the originals short. 

If anything, I see the three routes (MB > DF > LE) as three parts to a larger story. I know they tried to redeem Ruki by making him seem like a character you can sympathize with, with the whole turning human by the end of DF cliffhanger and him learning the truth behind Karlheinz in LE. I believe they tried to turn him human again to use the common trope of making villains select right over wrong in hopes of redeeming the character (except Karl chose it for him and he just… agreed, of course, which doesn’t make it a redemption per se). And the whole aristocracy plot twist is supposed to make you feel sorry for him, which is ironically what he hates.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, after all the awful deeds Ruki has committed, at this point he is an immensely difficult character to redeem. And I am no skilled story writer by any means. I’m more so good at tapping into Ruki’s character and riding off of other people’s ideas, using him as a devil’s advocate or even antagonist to their stories more often than not. My redemption might look like a lot of torture and suffering inflicted by Ruki in the beginning, only for him to gradually help you with challenges that come your way. You soon learn that, despite him hurting you as much as he did, he’s adamant about being the only one who has the privilege of doing so.

For instance, perhaps they could’ve explored more of Ayato kidnapping Yui. It would’ve been interesting to see Ruki fight harder and formulate an elaborate plan to take her back after realizing the Sakamakis don’t love her like he does. Instead, canonically he just lets her go, and is shocked when she returns to him. But I know most people don’t like a story where the writers introduce a bigger villain to mitigate what the original villain did. Hence, why I’m not a very good storyteller, ahaha. I am working on my own Ruki route, though. 

I also think I’m probably the last person you should ask about redeeming Ruki. My love for the character really shows in my failed attempts to redeem him, because I often make the mistake of thinking people will grow soft on him because he shows one or two vulnerabilities amidst all the torture. He could step on me and I’d probably thank him, so there’s that. In a lot of the RP threads I have going, you may have noticed typically OC’s will develop a hatred for Ruki, and reasonably so. However, on a case by case basis I’m willing to allow him to compromise on some things. For example, in one ship I made him relinquish his master-livestock dynamic (although I really normally wouldn’t do this because the master complex is actually one of my favorite traits of his lol, so don’t expect that to recurring).

There are many ships I want to see thrive on this blog but even I don’t know how they’re going to get past the conflict. I try to have a mix of bloodsucking scenes and regular “bonding” scenes where they just share a normal conversation and find potential common ground, but whether or not you can call that redemption depends on the person’s tastes, which makes redemption for any character very, very difficult to write. And truth be told, I’d rather not diminish Ruki’s sadistic nature to make that happen, since I love the idea of this powerful, feral Vampire being obsessed with your blood only and the moment someone else tries to hurt you, he snaps. The “how dare you touch what belongs to me” possessiveness. Perhaps there should’ve been more scenes where you fall ill or sustain an injury outside of his punishments and then he shows genuine care over you, since even his possession is not allowed to hurt themselves and all that, but I’m just brainstorming now. These are just ideas on a whim that should be taken with a grain of salt, but when I write my fanmade route I will definitely take the time to flesh out these ideas into something workable.

TL;DR: I think my problem with redeeming Ruki is, I love him the way he is canonically, so to take away from his sadism in an attempt to redeem him never turns out well for me which is why I continue to make him sadistic, but just sprinkle bits of fluff here and there and then hope for the best. 🧩

✨🥊🎹 for either of them!

ill choose vega !! since she definitely deserves more attention

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

originally her "place holder" kind of name was polly, but i found that to be a little too generic and "girly" for her (as in like, a little girl, like leaning into the youthfulness of it), since in-universe she would be choosing her name for herself and it just didnt seem like something she would arrive at. i changed it eventually to Vega because for me it leaned more into the kind of pulpy sci-fi quality of the setting and story, and from an "in-character" perspective its tie to astronomy for example gave it more of an academic and "intelligent" quality, as well some maturity and gravitas, which she would have been very concerned with projecting at the time of choosing her name lol

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

vega holds a passion for her scientific work that eclipses pretty much every other facet of her life almost entirely. while she does have hobbies and other simple pleasures outside of it, it really doesn't compare to how excited she gets to say, formulate theories or experiments or pour through hours of data or come up with new ways to make whatever pieces of equipment they have run more efficiently, if not come up with something new entirely. having things come together and "fit" or finally find the answer to a question is deeply satisfying to her, and while she can be a bit of a stickler she does find it really thrilling when a seemingly definitive answer just raises new questions for her to dig into.

for what she hates though, vega finds the kind of "maintenance" and "upkeep" of being a living organism pretty bothersome. living in a body is really only worth it to her for the ways that you can decorate it and the way it helps you interact in a physical space, whereas things like sleeping, eating, bathing, etc, are all bothersome "interruptions" that shave off time to things that are actually enjoyable, and usually needlessly tedious. she used to really hate socializing with others too, but has warmed up to it more recently since she stopped taking herself as seriously and discovered the merits of just, kinda messin' with people

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

it's pretty rare that vega actually indulges in any downtime she may have, but in the instances that she does, she likes schlocky, pulpy movies and comics. horror and probably a bit surprisingly romance are usually her favorite genres, because she tends to get a bit nit-picky about things like science fiction, whereas its easier for her to just kind of enjoy and get lost in the over-the-top heightened reality those two genres usually tend to employ. she also kind of takes to keeping up her appearance as a hobby of itself, and has a bit of a guilty pleasure for playing "dress up" past; shes moved past it needing to be practical and now its just something that makes her weirdly happy in a way she cant quite put her finger on. also, unsurprisingly, she likes puzzles; but usually things more like sudoku and crosswords

Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. One sentence summary: an ostensibly feminist retelling of the cycle of Greek myths involving Ariadne (i.e., Minos’ daughter, the Minotaur’s sister, lover of Theseus and Dionysus). Isn’t the cover lovely?

I read this for a book club—this was only the second time I went to this book club, but already I can tell I’m NOT the target reader for it (everyone else seems to be nearly exclusively interested in romance! I alone am the genre fiction fan). This book was semi-polarizing for our group. The most romance-obsessed women thought that the fact the romance wasn’t central was a let-down; the woman who “doesn’t like anything not real” didn’t like how “fantastical” it was (I thought it wasn’t fantastical enough!); those who did like it were somewhat restrained in their appreciation. That’s not to say it was totally bad! I think it was just a little too YA for us—a little milquetoast, a little too focused on aesthetics over substance, and nothing particularly new (particularly since everyone had already read other retellings before, like “The Song of Achilles” or Percy Jackson).

One thing we discussed as a group was why these Greek myth retellings are so “trendy” right now—my argument was that it is a trend, and one that ties closely in with the current fad for “dark academia.” By that I mean that dark academia (as far as I understand it) is all about the romanticization of classical scholarship (wool sweaters! ivy-covered buildings! cups of tea while reading a yellowing book! classical literature and poetry!) without any, um, actual scholarship. This book reminded me of that. It’s a retelling of Greek myth, so it plays into the academic/historical/intellectual flair of the aforementioned aesthetic, but it’s highly sanitized and modernized. Part of that sanitization comes from the supposed feminist-lean of the story—one of the women in my book club (who I, as an aside, do not like LOL) was VERY into the fact it was “more feminist than the Greek myths”—but ultimately sexism is a central component of Greek mythology! You can’t separate the fact that these stories originated in a highly misogynistic society from the stories themselves—when you read ancient authors, you are constantly bombarded with, in particular, sexual violence, and I personally don’t think you can just make a woman the narrator of one of the stories to negate that milieu, let alone formulate any sort of cogent commentary on ancient gender norms and relations. There ended up being a bizarre tension between the fact that the book wanted to be feminist (Ariadne was telling her own story!) and the fact that Ariadne’s story is deeply, irreparably sexist.

I think that’s why I got such a strong YA vibe from the book—I can picture a 16 year old being very proud of reading it (“it’s about Greek myths! Like the Iliad!”) but I can also picture that same young person taking a class on Latin poetry, reading Ovid (very much the “factual” basis for the book), and being horrified at the amount of sexual violence in the source material. (This is not me making fun of such a 16 year old. I would have been this 16 year old, although if I were writing this review then, I would have spent the whole time complaining about how every book gets ruined by romance.) Who does it help to ignore the disturbing context of the myths? Is “making ancient stories palatable” a worthy enough cause on its own? I’m inclined to say no: much of our modern social and cultural traditions stem from, among myriad sources, Greek antiquity, and pretending that maybe women didn’t have it too bad doesn’t allow readers to evaluate how millennia of gender-based oppression continues to impact the modern world.

My final thought is about the prose itself. Saint is a perfectly serviceable writer—there were appropriately poetic-seeming passages, and I think my fellow book club members thought she did well. I, however, love picking apart writing, and what struck me was how I never felt what the characters felt on the strength of her writing alone. Any emotion I would feel for Ariadne or her sister was based entirely on my own capacity for empathy; when Ariadne was left stranded on an island by Theseus, I could certainly imagine it must have been sad/scary/upsetting. But I never felt that visceral abandonment or anger or—honestly—anything while reading. This was most glaring during parts when the characters were falling in love—it was like a checklist for “things people write in books when characters fall in love” (you know. things like “he had green eyes and wide shoulders and she couldn’t stop from looking into his eyes. Which were green.”) but I, as the reader, never felt swept away or enchanted in the way that a better writer might have made me feel. Some of that could be hand-waved away with the fact that Saint chose to emulate a kind of stilted, semi-formal language, like a translation of an ancient poem (the argument would be that while modern writers want you to feel what characters do, Homer didn’t necessarily), but I keep thinking about how I never felt anything about any of the characters until after I stopped reading. Now, on reflection, I can imagine Ariadne’s emotions. But while reading she was entirely opaque.

Ps. In case you can’t tell, I’m not convinced this story is actually as feminist as it claims to be. It is told from a woman’s perspective, but (and now I’m going to channel 16 year old me) I’m not sure that’s enough when the woman literally just falls in love with two different men and does whatever they tell her to. She makes, like, no decisions or choices in the book. Maybe the real /commentary on ancient misogyny\ was the /questionable characterization\ all along.

Last word: Do I recommend this book? Sure! It was a diverting little read and I tore through it in a couple hours. I know this review seems terribly bitter, but it’s not intended to be; I actually enjoyed reading it overall, but I think it’s good to be critical of trends, particularly those that seem to be predicated on simplifying a complex issue, like gender in antiquity. I think it’s a fun book for a lazy summer afternoon—you can relive my book club experience by sitting outside and drinking an aperol spritz while you read. And if you have read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts! :-)

Can we talk about about how Colin looked in ep 1 when he first saw Marina compared to how he looked when he saw Pen in ep 8. Almost the exact same look! Of course his look to Penelope is probably more about his guilt because he brushed her off when she tried to warn him but still..progress! Lol and then when he's getting ready to leave for Greece, he glanced towards Penelope's home. I think they're having Colin's feelings for her grow gradually in the show instead of all of a sudden like in the books.

Hey! Thank you for this insightful ask of yours :) Sorry for the late answer, I took a long time to write this— without further ado, here we go!

Indeed, Polin is first and foremost a story of gazes, those gazes being of many natures. Whether they are love ones, friendly ones, admirative ones or lustful ones, looking imposes itself to be a huge parameter in Penelope and Colin’s love story.

In order to understand that on screen, film-making has at its disposal a very rich and smart langage of its own. Sometimes, comparision helps to underlines the differences between one character’s relationship with person A mirorring person B. I feel like Shondaland and Chris Van Dussen wanted to introduce the audience to the evolution of our Bridgerton men’s perception of Love. For instance, while Anthony views attachement— to Siena— as a way to escape his responsibilities before becoming his villain (...until our queen ma’am Kate Sheffield comes to the picture), Benedict doesn’t comprehend this universal concept and prefers to enjoy the many physical pleasures life can offer. In other words, the older brothers already explored their sexuality here and there, making them the infamous rakes that they are. As for Colin, it’s a complete other thing.

Colin is young. Very young. At 21, he’s just left Eton College and barely knows anything of the world nor women. Like Anthony said in 1x06, Colin hasn’t been taken to brothels which is a very important step in the building of young men’s sentimental and sexual education during that time period. Since he missed this essential step, our sweet/immature boy has no clue about how to deal sagaciously with his feelings and his “foolish” impulses, baring his naivety. At this point of the story, we can easily come to the conclusion that Colin is a virgin who can’t drive XD. He’s just a child overcame by his passions, a hopelessly romantic who rushes things without taking the time to properly court or know his significant other. And his off-screen flirtation with those supposed numerous girls in London isn’t of any help to justify his (oh so little) experience. So when he sees Marina, he’s so struck by her... mainly by her alluring appearance. And he doesn’t seem to let his eyes nor mind go beyond her exquisite beauty.

In this perspective, the whole Colin/Marina storyline can be perceived as a parallelism to the Pen/Colin’s one. In 1x01, he is immediatley smitten with a dancing Miss Thompson, which happens to be ironically the same case with a 17 year-old Pen but with him. We got to see her, a few moments ago, dreamily looking at him from the back of the dancefloor (echoeing the episode where she fell madly in love with him after he fell off his horse at Hyde Park). She’s charmed by his dashing look and his kindness, yet she doesn’t seem to know anything else about him considering the rare conversations they share. Her burning gaze fits the original story from Julia Quinn’s books because in Romancing Mister Bridgerton, the 28 year-old spinster Penelope do realize later on that Colin is more than a good looking man : he’s a human who possesses a temper and flaws.

Either way, both of our boos are portrayed as hopelessly young people in love who childishly idealize the objects of their affection.

In 1x08, it’s the other way around. It’s Colin who sees Pen first, her who appears to wear the yellow dress’ lookalike from the pilot—what an interesting call back ^^. With his mouth slightly agape and his eyes wide open, we can catch sight of the timid spark of a change in his gaze : Colin Bridgerton notices Penelope Featherington. He‘s touched by the realization that she cares about him. It would be rather inappropriate of me to say that Colin is already in love with her. However, in the finale, I do believe that he’s more struck by her high level of deep care for him than her beauty.

We are thus able to spot two big differences in Colin’s relationship with women in this season : when his attraction to Marina was purely physical and rushed, his attraction with Penelope is more emotional and slow. And for now, he comes to cherish his special bond with her, especially after she tried to warn him of the dangerous trap he was about to fall into. Even if he just sees her as his younger sister’s best friend right now, Pen matters in his life. And it’s still a little yet important progress for sure.

Speaking of which, I agree with you that this look of awe as well as realization is mostly mixed up with guilt. Since he didn’t take into account her words, he felt the strong need to apologize. But bear in mind that guilt formulates a considerable part in Colin’s feelings for Pen... and it’s only the very beginning. In the future, he’ll blame himself for not seeing her as the beautiful goddess and siren that she is in the first place. He’ll blame himself for not reciprocating the feelings for her.... Though at the moment, due to his lack of experience with women, Colin is oblivious to Pen’s obvious signs of sorrow when he told her he’s leaving for Greece/Cyprus. Next time, he’ll detect her sadness and won’t let her go, I’m sure of it (if he doesn’t I’ll riot).

Furthermore, I’m so glad you brought up the scene where Colin glances at the Featherington house. I had the same thought as well. When you put this still and the one where Pen is crying while looking at her window side by side, it even seems like they’re looking at each other. In a way, it implicitly confirms Pen’s key role in his final decision... After all, she’s the one who inadvertently inspired him right ?

The act of traveling has always been seen as cathartic since leaving home to discover yourself allows you to heal your broken heart and soul. It’s natural for Colin to do this. To make his first real steps into the world. His choice is quite relatable more than it is essential for his arc in the series. I can’t wait for him to come back all changed, hot ^^ and mature. I think, like you said, they are planning on making him progressively falling in love with her. Colin’s feelings will gradually leave the platonic zone to explore and officially stay in the intimate zone throughout the seasons.

Overall, the Colin/Marina and Colin/Penelope parallel in s1 mostly helps viewers to compare the way Colin evolves from being a stubborn naive boy to a heartbroken young man who’s aware of his crutial need for Experience. His coming of age, just like Pen’s, has just begun. And they will surely lead to our boy changing himself into the true charming rake that he’s meant to be and our girl into a more confident woman. Consequently, I think their story won’t take 10 years but rather at the very least 5 years perhaps to fit the TV timeline. Once Polin will finally be able to discuss, we’ll hopefully get to see more interesting nuances and shades added to the portrait they painted of one another over the years. They’re indispensable to the slow build up of their emotions/attraction as well as the shattering of their childish idealization/perception of each other.

All in all, I’m so loving the fact that season 1 beautifully sets up the importance of the gaze in Polin’s love story. This first installment is like an expository scene of a play. It leaves a trail of clues and pieces of information here and there at the reach every viewers who can pick them up and analyze what can be the main themes which will determine one character’s story arc/romance. With Polin we have : admiration, wit, love and friendship, desillusionment. (I know they are more but it’s all I can think of rn lol).

If we’re already emotional messes just with the mere power of them looking at each other, imagine when they’ll actually talk and share real conversations. It’s going to be a long way to canon but luv me some good fluffy angsty steamy slow burn :) ✨ I hope this long of mine answers your ask ahah, even if I talked about many things other than just Polin’s looks. Also, sorry if you spot some grammatical mistakes, English is not my first language.

it's not just kids calling adam/tadashi abusive, i've seen adults say the same thing, even fans of adam, that it's abusive and rapey, i'm not sure how to feel because i disagree but their posts sound very authoritive :/

Meanwhile Utsumi is out there like gushing about these two 24/7 bc they’re her faves and says stuff like “originally Tadashi was supposed to say “Woof” after “You’re gonna be my dog for the rest of their lives”, but it didn’t make to the final cut, I thought about his face expression a lot in that moment, but the only thing I was absolutely sure of is how utterly happy he was about what Adam said.” and explains for absolute morons that what Adam said about framing Tadashi was just a bullshit to test him lmao

I once again do not know why people don’t get that this ships thing is that they’re literally what another needs and despite the fact that they both have their own problems, they’re each other’s way out. Because Adam wants Tadashi to learn to stand up for himself, while Tadashi wants Adam to learn that love should bring happiness, not pain. If you don’t want complicated characters, once again, watch smth with a rating 5+ instead. Complicated and problematic characters are not always villains and some adult relationships are definitely not an abuse, if they’re canonically into power play. 

Also I don’t know how a person who so carelessly throws words like “rapey” can be considered “sounding authoritive”, but I highly recommend to try forming your own point of view, based on facts/observations and your own experience. Also in books for example there's always easier to get characters motives, bc they give you to say the whole picture, so depends on how many you’ve read you can learn to detect it without it “being explained to you” pretty easy. If you don’t have such skill or don’t want to develop it, you can wait for the creator’s commentary, you can usually get it to many animes/mangas these days, they will tell you what they meant by some scenes and about their thought process, while creating it, who, why and where. Of course not every creator has that much love and attention to their characters and story, there are some where the creators also know nothing about their character, besides what was shown, but Utsumi is not one of those, so you can always be ready, that if she picked a fave, she thought everything through from the very beginning.

Also this fandom (and pls normal SK8 fans, do not take offense in this, I mean I’m technically also in this fandom, although not really since I had to create just a bubble and don’t go anywhere else, since it’s that bad) is like 90% absolute the most painfully idiotic ppl I’ve ever seen, who can’t even read between the lines and say the dumbest stuff I’ve ever heard, that is so embarrasssing, that they make you embarrassed about even being part of this, and 50% of them are too young to even get stuff, that wasn’t meant for them to get, so just, for real, I’m just suggesting the same thing I did, for your own health, pick ppl for your tl, whose brains are intact and do not even go “out there”, like, you’re only gonna get mad. I mean, if ppl who aren’t even in the fandom get mad about stuff they write, you’re gonna be mad x2 and sadly you can’t do anything about this amount of stupidity, rarely stuff like this do happen to some fandoms. Yes, you can’t enjoy this one, sadly. I tried, but I just felt, like I’m getting more and more mad, until I just sat down and cleaned everything on my tl and was like “that’s it, I’m not in the sk8 fandom, I’m in my own fandom it’s called “his dog by day, his snake by night” lmao

And yes, it did in fact happen after I found out that the girl behind that “concerning adam” absolutely moronically formulated shit that was part of the zine was 23 years old. I think my eyes popped out like in a cartoon, bc everyone who was involved in this drama, wrote stuff like “can i make fun of them or are they 14″, thinking they’re just well, you know, young, but then were shocked too xD. I just wish this person/ppl just wrote “we excluded Adam bc we’re too dumb to get his character we hate him”, at least I’d respect you for your honesty in this case. But no, you had to dig your own grave and become the new official representative of “SK8 fandom is the dumbest”. Congrats really.

I do not know, if ppl lie about their age or not when it comes to those. If not and they’re really adults who think so, it’s fascinating really. Fascinating how this fandom got all the idiots in once. I mean, being a stupid fandom of teens is one thing, being a stupid fandom in general is just sad.

Am I sad that so little ppl got the actual plot and the message creators tried to send? Yes, absolutely. Not the first time tho it happens, with Utsumi’s faves especially, but also in general these days. It is very sad, I agree, but also, I just really started to feel bad, bc I saw some comments and felt like that meme guy, you know: “what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.” lol

So just find someone who posts the good stuff and doesn’t get involved, listen to VAs, read creator’s interviews and live happily ever after, bc they adore both Adam and Tadaai. They literally told in the last interview what I was telling under my YT vid. This is just also hilarious to me, bc to be honest Tadaai situation wasn’t even that hard to analyse in the first place, even without the creators commentaries. Like we’re not on a Cannes Film Festival here.

And once again you can like or dislike Adam, it’s your choice, ppl have different tastes, but writing the most utterly idiotic things about his character that make no sense whatsoever, considering the canon story, is just plain moronic. Just say that you don’t like him, and pls, don’t embarrass yourself.

Not quite an interaction but what inspired you to make twst ocs ? ♡ your style is lovely

“I’m actually not quite sure what inspired me to make TWST Oc’s in particular— I’ve always liked making characters, be they for my own stories, or for other fandoms. I’ve also always been a big fan of Disney, so when I found out it would have a game/narrative with such interestingly designed characters, I wanted to know more.”

“It was a bonus that miss Yana was working on it, which gave me a better idea of how the characters were formulated, both stylistically and “narratively,” because she seems to gravitate towards certain stylistic choices that are evident in the game when you compare the characters to those from her previous works. I.e. Black Butler.”

“Admittedly, it took me quite a while before I was able to get into absorbing the story since I was quite busy during the time it first came out. I was also interested in other fandoms, and exploring their characters.”

“I primarily make OCs because I feel as if there’s either an unexplored character trope/personality that was not included in the canon universe that could be interesting, or simply because I think I’d like to try my hand at how convincing I can create a character and a backstory that may fit into the original narrative without making them seem as if they were just…added into it lol.”

“These are also some people that have either inspired me to make my own twst ocs, to write for ocs, or have contributed to my style journey—-“

“It honestly was never my intention to make ocs that actually interacted with the canon characters as a main thing, but it just happened. I mostly made them for myself, and then I’d make stupid prompts or short stories, post them here so I could remember them, and be done with it. It was a pleasant surprise that there were some people that actually liked that, so I’m very thankful.”

“Also, thank you for liking my style! It still has a long way to go, but I’m glad that people are liking it so far as it is. I still feel giddy any time people like any of my works, but it’s another thing to be told this, so thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day/afternoon/evening!”

- Vinnie

Hi, I’ve been wondering (affectionate) about your writing process. Are there "deleted scenes" to Soul of Ice? Like parts that you wrote but then threw out for whatever reasons? How do you plan your chapters? Please use this ask to tell us everything about your writing process that you want to share. Thank you, your fic ist just so AMAZING - I neeeed to know what goes on in your head when you write.

love, the anon who called you a cool teacher and manifested the snitches <3

omg @sevsnapes @madameish it’s our #1 fan 🥺 (who I’m still betting is ish in disguise lol)

ok so I am so flattered that you’ve asked me this??? I assume anyone who reads my stuff just goes “cool that was fun” then forgets about it so the fact you wanted to ask about my process is super flattering 🥺🥺🥺

Background first of all: I am a massive daydreamer. I do it all the time. When I go to sleep, when I’m in the bath/shower, when I’m bored at work. Basically whenever I have brainpower to spare, I’ve got some sort of scenario playing in my head. 99% of the time it’s unstructured bullshit, hence why this story was just a concept in my head for 10 years cus I daydreamed a lot about Abbie but never really formulated a chronological story. I did try to write it a long time ago but stopped after two chapters 😆 She’s also not always been a hp character, she’s more been a concept and sometimes I’ve put her in other stories in my head, like lotr or asoiaf. But I always came back to her as a hp character as I really felt she worked best with Snape.

Then I’m not really sure what kicked it off but about a year ago maybe Persephone started to take shape in my head. I think not having the background of Snape’s relationship with the mother was what was really stopping any story forming. I always knew she would have been raised by her mother but otherwise I didn’t really have anything. Then once I had the idea that the mother was a spy who slept with him for Spy Reasons, it was like a dam broke and the story just flooded my mind and has not stopped flooding

So in terms of planning. When I started I didn’t really have much of a plan. I was originally gonna do it as a series of one shots (when I was posting the first couple chapters on tumblr they’re referred to as one shots) but it very much became a chronological story quite quickly. You can kinda see remnants of the earlier chapters being written as one shots in the way that they covered longer periods of time.

Currently I have an endgame in mind but that could change. I have an overall idea of where the story will go and where it will end up, and certain specific events are planned along the way but the gaps will fill in along the way (I hope lol)

I do have a frustrating inability to write in a chronological order. A lot of chapters are actually already partially written when I get to them bc I was super inspired at some point, then I get to them and either tweak, remove or rewrite them depending on how the story has flowed since I drafted it.

When I started writing, I wrote on my phone in my notes app because I was with my family for Christmas and so couldn’t get on my pc. Since then I’ve written in Google docs on my pc, and occasionally go into it on my phone to read over or tweak stuff. Some of the most recent chapter was written on my phone cus I just got back from visiting my family for Easter, but I still proofread it on the pc before I published it.

I usually write in an evening or at weekends. I do have a freelance writing job I also do at these times so it’s very frustrating when I have a job due but I’m also super inspired 😫 honestly sometimes I just end up jumping between the two or writing down what should happen in the scene so I’ve got the ideas down to go back to when I have time to actually write it

umm what else? when I daydream scenes, it’s usually from one character’s perspective and they end up being the character I write as. I also get super into it and really feel the emotions as I’m imagining or writing them. which makes it annoying when I’m writing something intense (eg the break up scene) and my bf comes in the room asking what I want for dinner. he’s all “do you want chicken or steak” and I’m all “I want Snape to learn how to handle his goddamn emotions!”

this is also awkward when I’m writing the sexy bits bc I’m all horny over a fictional man at my keyboard when an actual man is sitting in the other room who may be willing to have sex with me 😆 plus sometimes I have to change my underwear cus I get so turned on 👀

I think that’s pretty much it but feel free to ask anything more specific and again thank you for asking me about this I am very flattered ☺️

Shiny tagged me and I love Shiny so I guess I gotta do the thing: “Fanfic Writer’s 20 Questions” lmao kill me

Thanks @shinyfire-0 , je t’adore despite my self-loathing

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

6, working on 7, don’t give me performance anxiety about it pls

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

86,334. And the file I’m working on right now has a wordcount of another 37,357 words to date. This is hilarious for several reasons. I got a Masters degree on less than 50,000 words in that file, so this qualifies me to be some special Masters degree of copyright-skirting pervert, does it not?

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh god. More than I have represented on AO3, because some of them date to my several past lives on Livejournal and FFN. The only thing I’ll admit to in public is the fact that I started out in X-Files fandom in the late 90′s and early 2000′s. On AO3, what I’ve got represented is mostly POTO but also one Star Trek Lower Decks and one Team Fortress 2. The TF2 thing is a repost of something I originally wrote in 2011, can you imagine? Jesus! I’m old and dull

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Hard not to say when I’ve only got 6 on AO3! Christine Triumphant is definitely the frontrunner, and her sequel right behind. I am pleasantly surprised by how many people liked my crackfic on the sole basis of the cookie recipe that it included. I really hope that they made the recipe because it’s really fucking good you guys. Make the cookies. There’s no good reason to make oatmeal raisin when could just as easily make oatmeal cranberry.

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I responded to absolutely everything up until I made friends in the fandom, and then I felt too self conscious to respond to everything THEY said just because, oh god, they know me, and I feel so seen, and it maybe hurts a little! Or maybe it hurts a lot! I love every stranger who comments, but when someone comments who ALSO knows stuff about my personal life, I don’t quite know how to formulate the phrase “thanks I love you” in a way that’s a tiny bit less cringey. I might never be able to. One day, maybe I will grow a new ability! That would be nice.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

As far as what’s already present on AO3 and not consigned to the dustbins of the 1990s? The thing I’m working on now, LOL! However, ! I wrote something pretty sad on anon which I plan to take un-anon during POTO Dark Week. I guess that’s the angstiest thing I’ve published to date. (Almost all the characters die LOL)

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

I did. Back in the wild days, I did something that was technically a Doctor Who and Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy crossover. However, I don’t think that is *really* a crossover given the fact that Douglas Adams worked on DW and crossed over both properties quite extensively in his own work. It was kind of a fun and funny story but I never actually finished it.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don’t think the commenter meant it as "hate,” per se, but one person did really dislike an early relationship that one character had in one of my stories, simply because it wasn’t the same relationship that the character entered into once they were in the right time/space/age to actually have it consensually. So yeah if you were trying to parse that, they hated the Raoul/Christine relationship that was a healthy learning and growth experience before the eventual Christine/Erik. I mean, I get it, but what are the odds that you find your soulmate right out of the gate? It’s more than OK if you have another few relationships beforehand, and those relationships can also be important and meaningful in their own way. So when I got those comments I kind of have to laugh. But like . . . I also hope that people know it’s OK to mess around and not get it right the first time.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not published . . . yet . . . LOL. Working on it.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. I have seen a sentence or two in other stories of the same fandom which made me think “HMMMM that’s a very specific thing to say” but the similarities ended there; and I can loan anyone a sentence until payday, it’s cool. You can take it.

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, and I was quite shocked and flattered that they offered. Someone translated my Star Trek Lower Decks story into Russian.

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I am a solitary creature and I deal very poorly with deadlines external from my day job. I don’t think I could hack it.

13) What's your all-time favourite ship?

All time? God, no. I love any pairing with chemistry. Certainly there are specific dynamics that I favor, and certain characters that I favor together for selfish reasons, but I’m quite sure that a good author could make any given character pairing work in a specific context.

14) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Anything I started writing in college and didn’t finish. Most of that was Doctor Who stuff. I remember being really drawn to a couple different eras of stories. The Second Doctor I loved, particularly Jamie and Victoria. I wrote something for them which I DID finish but would never re-integrate into my current activity. Secondly, I loved Ace for so, so many reasons. Apparently I started writing several stories which included Ace but which I never finished (I just looked through my old files and was impressed/horrified at what I’d started but never completed writing). And of course, because this is a property which deals with time travel, there was a BIG FIC which involved SO many Doctors and Companions from different eras . . . I got reasonably far for a Big Bang event, but never finished, and backed out of the event; that was like more than a decade ago so I don’t even remember quite what I wanted to do with it except love all the characters. I’ll definitely never return to this, but I’ll also never stop wanting to see all the characters happy in the end.

15) What are your writing weaknesses?

Uh I have so many weaknesses I don’t know where to start. I actually had a dream once that someone reviewed each chapter of my stories with a totally accurate critique of what was going through my mind at the time -- not like flames, more like “gee I can tell you had a harder time with this chapter” -- “wow I can tell you weren’t as inspired in this part, and you repeated a lot of the same adverbs as in previous chapters” -- etc.

My strength, on the other hand: I find it easiest to write dialogue, particularly contentious or bitchy dialogue. I’m sure that says too much about me but whatever

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Only if I’m fluent, baby. I’m not out here trying to fuck it up with false cognates.

18) What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

The X-Files. This makes me feel so old.

19) What's your favorite fic you've written?

Man, I don’t quite know. Every written thing that’s come out of me has emerged under totally different circumstances from its neighbors. Each specific thing I’ve posted has at least a few sentences within it which I felt like HAD to be pushed out of my body onto paper/the screen, or else I had to scream them into the sky instead. At the same time, none of these things were particularly deep or meaningful; they were just a combination of words! I don’t actually expect anyone else to read them at all, much less to like them. They were just very specific details about imaginary humans interacting with each other, which felt meaningful to me at the time, and some of which had to do with processing feelings about something completely unrelated in my own life.

The concept of “favorite,” man! To be honest, there is some paranoid, anxious part of me that is scared that if I let “good” sentences out into the world for free, I’ll never again be able to generate “good” sentences in any other context . . . like there’s a finite reservoir of good-quality sentences that I can generate in my life, ever, and so if I let these go for free, I have less capital later on.

This is actually false. I’ve only found that since I’ve started dumping my writing out in the form of fanfic, I’ve started generating even more new ideas inside my arguably sick brainmeats. You DON’T have a finite reserve of resources. You only have to execute one thing at a time, and let that feed and  inform the thing that grows in your head afterwards. And in reality, it’s draughtsmanship: Practicing only makes you better.

20) Who do you tag?

I’m nobody!

Who are you?

Are you -- Nobody --too?

Then there's a pair of us!

Don't tell! they'd advertise – you know!

How dreary – to be – Somebody!

How public – like a Frog –

To tell one's name – the livelong June –

To an admiring Bog!

I’d say, apologies to Emily Dickinson, but I 100000% believe that she’d be a top tier fanfic poster if she had lived in our age.

Share Fun Facts about Your Fics!

Tagged by: My cupcake @yoonia! 

Instructions: Maybe you’re proud of a line of dialogue. Maybe you were playing with story structure, and something unexpected happened. Maybe you gave a character an idiosyncrasy that’s based on a person you know. Or maybe you just like something for no reason at all. Inquiring minds wanna know.

Tagging: @zibermuda @kookdiaries @honeyj00ns @jungkxook @yeoldontknow @hobidreams @hobiwonder @softyoongiionly @solastia @serooks​ @avveh​ and anyone else who wants to do this!

Pick three of your fics and share a fun detail from each!

Ok, honestly I don’t know if you guys really wanna know even but eh, here it is!

Achilles Heart

So as you all know, I’m a sucker for my muses. For a very long time, this fic was only about JK. I’ve fairly admitted that Jk in this fic was dedicated to @yoonia. By the time I formulated the character for the reader’s MC, she was already going to be a product of her situations and not a person. Taehyung was added at the very end and I think he was the easiest one to come up with even if he took the longest to show up in the plan.

Originally, JK was the one in whose POV we were going to see the story unfold. Like I said, the story was just JK with reader responding to him and his decisions. we’d see her reactions through a filter of his guilt and emotions but i scrapped that because what kind of message does that send? I know it’s a story but still. So i created the piece with MC and yes, she’s still just a reaction but I want her to be active for her ownself. Which is the point of the work. You CAN ALWAYS LEAVE WHAT HURTS YOU EVN IF YOU LOVE IT. You can find love, purer love elsewhere - even if it’s from you.

I enjoy writing the friendships between the characters most. I ADORE Yoongi (heh, surprise?!) and MC’s friendship and he’s going to be so important if not he already is. It’s not still here but interactions between JK and Joon and Jimin an Tae are coming too wink wonk!

As a spoiler! There will be interaction between Tae and JK too...! 

Bed Bereft

Another swerve in the highways fic under my belt! This fic is extremely special to me because I think I carved Taehyung and Jin from a part of my soul, excuse the sap. I loved these characters even before they decided to come to life.

Alright, so firstly, the fic was supposed to be dirty, dirty smut. There was no essence whatsoever in this one. But like I said, at that point both TaeJin were just folks I was going to write ABOUT. Once they became actual muses (I swear they actually come to life, it’s a problem.) They told me to stuff it and get out of the way. Then they took over and you have the final piece.

Also, I know a lot of people have something against Joy’s character (yep, my friend personally told me she would hit Joy over the head) but like she’s one of the most important characters in the fic. If Irene is common sense, Joy is a kick in the ass. For both MC and Tae. Without her, MC would never grow a spine and without her, Tae would never make a move.

I almost miss Namjoon, even if he would only add to the Drama. Just a mention, but I’m such a sucker for those dimples.

Belladonna

For a very long time, (maybe i still am) i was on the tenterhooks whether I was actually going to be writing this fic. It is very personal and as a couple friends know, this is a fic documenting a very dark time in my life. Finally it was thrown at me that this could be treated as a self healing exercise rather than just a story.

Picking Yoongi for “him” was the easiest decision. Not because I picture him like that because again as I have said before, he is the easiest one I find to mold to the muse I want. He actually listens lol. Also, because I find with Yoongi, the angst comes off so much more painful and I really want to put a lot of pain in this one - just so I could ply it with some catharsis.

As reality based, this fic is, some aspects will of course be still be fictional. This is more to make it a make believe way to heal rather than anything else - although I think there’s also the part of trying to keep a modicum of my private life private.

Cheers!