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ryuichirou · 2 days

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Okay I know you made this art like AGES ago but the womb tattoo Idia lives rentfree in my head and I wanted to ask if you had any hcs connected to that, like which character would love it and breed him nonstop, who'd find it hot in theory but not actually want to knock him up, who'd just make him get rid of it to not even risk it... or maybe someone would just make him a public breeding stock?

Hi again, Anon!

I am so happy you liked that one; I randomly remember that idea from time to time as well. We definitely should revisit it, and I should draw it again, but for now I’ll use your ask as an opportunity to talk about it!

First of all, “public breeding stock” is a phrase that feels so wrong yet so right when you apply it to Idia… thank you for putting this image in our heads. Ah, the way he should be treated 😔

As for the boys, I think none of them would want to get rid of the tattoo in an easy non-sexual manner; maybe it’s because of magic, maybe it’s horny monkey brain, but the moment they see it on Idia’s stomach, they’ll go ballistic lol

I also think that the majority of the boys we ship Idia with wouldn’t actually want to knock him up BUUUUT there is some nuance to this whole thing, so let’s go through the list of our main Idia ships…

Azul – this one actually has some hcs, since the original comic is Azul/Idia-centric! The moment Azul learns about the true meaning of the tattoo, he’ll play the “oh how dare you, did you want to use me for your own satisfaction, Idia-san?” card, of course being very obviously fake about this heartbreak and betrayal of trust. And he would completely ignore the fact that Idia wasn’t planning on doing that at all… and he’ll keep talking about it, while having sex with Idia, completely ignoring Idia who is trying to explain that this isn’t the case. The fact that Idia’s mouth starts smiling involuntarily due to how good it feels doesn’t help his case at all.

Azul doesn’t really buy the breeding thing, but he’ll still get overly horny simply due to how much power he has over Idia in this state, especially as the tattoo lights up with his every move and how Idia exhales whenever the dick leaves his body. They’ll break the spell, but Azul will definitely use it in the future. Controlling Idia by having the one thing that he wants sounds like too powerful of an idea to ignore it. Azul is on his way to learn how to cast it! (he’ll also try not to think about how much he genuinely loved seeing Idia looking like this and desiring him…)

Jade and Floyd will get super into in this exciting new thing that Idia did to himself. It’s like a fun toy just got upgraded into the best toy! Idia is already pretty easy to chase and freak out, but when he’s barely running because his body actually wants him to get railed by these two, even though his mind isn’t… it’s perfect. It also feels like when Idia is scared of them, his sexual frustration gets even worse, so by the time they finally get tired of playing around and pin him down, his tattoo would be so bright and hot and his hips would move on their own because he’s desperate. These two would really push the tattoo’s effect to its absolute limits before they even get to touch Idia directly. So of course they’ll comment on how pathetic Idia looks, and of course they’ll play with him for hours!

While they probably won’t be very interested in the breeding part, they would love how Idia begs them to stop but also keeps clinging to them. They’ll also love how his belly is getting filled and stretched as they finish inside for the 5th time both, and Jade would be the one to not only comment on that, and then Floyd would put pressure on the belly to make Idia squirt out everything he’s been storing inside for the past two hours. His tattoo almost started disappearing, too..! But now that Idia is empty, it’s bright and hungry again.

Ortho – Of course he’ll help his niisan/niichan out! Isn’t it for the best that they can do it together and Idia won’t have to embarrass himself in front of other people? Not to mention, they’ve read a hentai manga just like that about a younger brother who helped out his older sister in the exact same way! What do you mean Ortho shouldn’t have access to this type of literature? Too late! Anyways, he’ll ignore Idia moaning about how wrong this it because he’s too busy enjoying how the tattoo colour changes whenever he changes the settings of his robo-dick.

Ironically, I can picture him of all people kind of wishing to knock Idia up, both as AI Ortho and as actual human Ortho. Not only he’ll say it while fucking the living daylights out of Idia, he’ll also make sure that by the time of his third orgasm Idia would start agreeing with him while crying of pleasure. This would’ve instantly became a cringe memory that Idia could’ve easily brushed off (he wasn’t really himself, it was the tattoo’s fault) when the whole thing is over; but Ortho would say that it’s a bummer that actually knocking Idia up is impossible… Ortho, please, you are the one person who SHOULDN’T think about it!

Sebek – no thoughts head empty; after figuring out what kind of curse this tattoo implies and yelling at Idia for being so obscene, he’ll get consumed by the desire to breed him. Maybe fae react to this type of tattoo stronger? Maybe it’s just a Sebek thing. But the moment he stares at the tattoo for longer than 2 seconds, his pupils will dilate and he will get super horny. He might get a vague desire to actually impregnate Idia, and it’ll keep his hips going like crazy, but it wouldn’t go further than that. Even though for a moment there he really would feel like Idia’s body is capable of handling fae eggs or anything else for that matter… Still, Sebek will fill Idia with to the brim and just keep creampie-ing him until both of them pass out.

Lilia – he is the one guy who is actually aware about the tattoo and what it represents, and he would be very impressed by the fact that Idia managed to do this to himself somehow. This is absolutely the first time Lilia witnessed someone doing it on accident… He’ll scare Idia with stories about how some infertile fae casted this spell on themselves and pumped out like 5 babies that year in one go, and how the tattoo means that Idia won’t go back to normal until his body is properly satiated with thick and potent seed. Idia could just ignore it of course, it won’t kill him, he’ll just feel incredibly horny all the time and start feeling the urge to shove anything even remotely phallic inside his ass—this is where Idia would beg Lilia to stop talking and making everything worse lol

Lilia will fuck Idia alright! And he’ll feel him good, while still talking about how Idia’s body will start changing whether he wants it or not. Idia will be completely terrified but also too horny to think about anything because Lilia would feel way too good.

But ALSO. When Lilia himself is done (grandpa can’t go 10 rounds like he used to…), he could actually do the “making Idia a public breeding stock” thing and just invite all the Diasomnia students to have their way with Idia. He’ll stay there the whole time, holding Idia’s legs and patting his head playfully while Idia completely loses his mind because both his hair and his tattoo would go absolutely crazy because of how overwhelmed and horny he is. He wouldn’t remember just how many guys he took that day, but thankfully, they left plenty of autographs on his body with a marker that Lilia found somewhere.

#replies #headcanons #azuide #shroudcest #lilidia #jadidi #floidi #sebeide

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charmac · 2 months

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hey seth! i'm just a random guy that's been really into sunny for the past year, and i always love your tweets. you, loren, and anna have been on my fyp a lot the past weekend, and i know a lot of people are being assholes about it, but it's genuinely so heartwarming to see. you three definitely deserve it and are the best kind of people for this to happen to. you always come off as respectful of rcg. hope you can pass the message along to them both too! have a great day

Thank you for the kind message, I really really appreciate it and so do Anna and Loren! Glad you got into the show :)

Honestly I get people are lashing out/shit talking because it does seem kinda weird to witness through a screen how much we’ve been able to interact with them and the interactions we’ve had. I know people are jealous, too (as in have told me they are, and I was certainly jealous last year when Rob didn’t do any events in NYC bc he was sick but did them in Philly a few days later) and I totally get that. Whatever the reason for people being assholes is, I don’t really take it personally. They don’t know the full story of literally anything that happened, they’re just watching through a screen and making their own assumptions of before, after, and in between all these clips they’re seeing, and trying to find something to justify how they feel. The claims that I’ve been ‘stalking’ them or ‘overstepping boundaries’ are genuinely just funny to me when every place we’ve met them has been an event that was publicly posted to Instagram/Facebook well in advance.

(And I’m not gonna talk on Twitter about certain details of this, but I feel like I can probably disclose here that the Four Walls people approached me to tell me/give me things and not the other way around. Their socials dmed me, followed me, Rob followed me, etc. I had literally no sway in them choosing to do those things or introducing themselves to me in person and organically engaging in conversations with me.)

We want to share our interactions with RCG on social media because we think most people appreciate and enjoy their interactions with fans (and also the small amounts of Sunny info we got), and that’s it. I don’t need to share or brag about anything. I would be perfectly content keeping everything that happened this weekend to myself (I very much avoid otherwise sharing my face or voice on social media, so I genuinely have to overcome that insecurity to even be able to share these things), but we know the majority of fans like to see this stuff and that’s why we have been posting everything.

Your message (and others i’ve received) means a lot. I’m glad the majority of people are enjoying our interactions with them and I really appreciate the time you spend to send this ask, really! And I’ll be back to posting regularly scheduled actual Sunny content very shortly :)

#ask #like how do i explain #charlie literally walked right up to us #and had to be DRAGGED away #bc he didn’t want to stop talking to us #it sounds literally delusional and made up #like i gen wouldn’t believe that if it didn’t happen to me lol #same shit with my phone screen #ppl thinking i forced him to look at macdennis fanart #literally just comical #but i can’t explain the context #it all sounds made up bc it’s surreal it happened #so honestly ? anyone can feel however they want #about interactions and clips. cos yeah i would maybe be sus as well #like literally what is happening #but shittalking on my posts or in my mentions #or sending me weird shit on anonymous #i’m not gonna entertain or accept lol #nameless faceless people who don’t understand 5% of what happened this weekend #trying to tell me what happened to me is just funny #again cos it’s. literally mind boggling to me #so i accept a lot of ppl just. will be pissed cos it makes no sense #these are 47 year old ‘cishet’ men #with a certain public perception #and yeah you bet your ass i was shocked at how they interacted with us #but i know how it went #i know how they feel #and i think most of you do too :)

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lemony-snickers · 7 months

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dear body: when I complained about being So Very Tired for no reason, what I meant was that I wanted to wake feeling rested after a long night’s sleep, not that I wanted you to wake me up at 2:30 am and keep me awake.

#lemony overshares #ah yes there it is the work anxiety - the surety that I am gonna fuck this all up #I wonder how many times I have smiled when I wanted to sink my teeth into a forearm #Hey news flash - not everything requires an hour-long zoom #Some stuff can just be an email!#I hate the bureaucracy of capitalism! I hate knowing I am gonna screw this up!#and also the anxiety about this space - about not being wanted #I was looking forward to sharing some darker stuff and then chickened out. For what?#No one here has an expectation of me. There is no brand to tarnish no fan base to let down (lol the absurdity)#Instead I bailed on the back third of a fic because I knew it wouldn’t be under my name so who cares - got sad but it was my choice???#Even when I try something new I can’t quite hit the right notes #Blah I am too old & tired for the same middle school bs yet here I am at 3:26am lamenting my fanfic 💀#Hopefully yeeting these thoughts into the tumblr void will stop them repeating like broken vinyl in my brain so I can sleep #Here’s hoping 🤞🏻#thanks for coming to my tag talk

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miamignonette · 3 months

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…………..

#i unfollowed someone recently (not a mutual) not bc they stopped liking taylor and posted critiques of her but bc they wouldn’t STOP lol #my dash was full of ppl in their inbox badmouthing taylor over completely inconsequential things #i follow other ppl who don’t like taylor! i don’t like everything she does/doesn’t do and i have no problem saying it!#but you can like…choose not to talk about things that you hate all the time #there are plenty of celebrities i hate and i don’t want to waste my time picking apart everything they do it’s very easy #and on that note i’m done bitching #(i have no ill will towards that person btw they’re free to do whatever they want on their own blog!)

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persephoneflouwers · 7 months

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Anons ✨

#lou tisdale anon: unconventional way to get informed i guess but if it worked good for them #‘I’ve really appreciated all of the information you’ve been sharing on here’ anon #a bit offensive you come at me talking about coincidental choices and intentional decisions #using your building as a reference… Guys cmon. At this point you should know im not stupid lol anyway I deleted the tags because #since I noticed a few people have written the same thing as you #usually the background choice falls in an intentional decision but as you say it’s a wild guess #that’s why I only said ‘I hope it’s not intentional if it is yikes’#‘don’t have any doubts about harry’ anon: we’ll never know what they support #and for once I’m glad they won’t be speaking up like their usual because #I’m already disappointed of what side they would be on this #have you seen what his friends share? have you seen what his mom shares? they can be zionist on main without ripercussions #‘seriously wouldn’t know what to if he supported them’ I would unstan right away. god thing is they’ll never be talking about politics #(except Harry sporadically finding new way to have kore people register in the us to vote democrats #and eventually forget about what is happening in rest of the world. firstly like all celebrities do secondly like everyone does.)#you take care of your little garden first #my opinion my ideology and my political view don’t depend on them #if I don’t agree with what some artist/celebrity says #ill stop interacting with them #there’s tone of music and art being made by people #who care about the world and want to see people leaving in peace and with equal rights #it’s not hard to be human you know? at times if you’re afraid to show support to the oppressed #you’re helping the oppressors with oppression and segregation #moreover when the oppression is not about you in the slightest (general you not you anon)#it only means 1. you don’t care enough to advocate 2. you have found different solutions to help (lol)#3. you don’t want to take sides (inferno canto III for me)#4. you don’t want to let know what side you’re on (sigh)

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padfootastic · 1 year

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Saudade

You can also read it on Ao3

Remus knew he was a coward.

It’s why he always preferred to blend in. He couldn’t afford not to. It’s also why, to his eternal shame and regret, he’d never bothered to even question the circumstances of Sirius’s imprisonment. His betrayal.

Because he knew if he looked even slightly below the surface, it’d shatter.

(He’d shatter)

Because he wasn’t just a coward, was he. He was also helpless.

No.

Powerless.

He was powerless.

It didn’t matter if he knew Sirius was innocent, if not of the murders then definitely the betrayal (because he knew, didn't he, that Sirius Black would never—as long as he had breath in his body, magic in his veins, life in his heart—do anything to hurt James Potter. It was a fundamental truth of life. There were five exceptions to Gamp’s law of elemental transformation, the sun set in the west, and Sirius was unfailingly loyal to James. Isn’t that how it's always been?)

Because even if the truth was not what it seemed, he couldn’t do anything about it.

So he lived his lie. Didn't bother to look past the newspapers blaring the inevitability of a Black turning to the dark side. It validated his own feelings, his mistrust, his circumstances.

It was a profoundly selfish act, but it was all Remus could do.

x-x-x-x

There was…one moment when he tried, just the bare minimum, really, in hindsight but it was enough to, if not soothe, then push down the constant guilt gnawing at him.

“Mr. Lupin.” Dumbledore looked down at him through his half moon glasses. “What can I do for you?”

Remus didn’t know whether to appreciate the even tone or not. In the past month, his entire life had collapsed around him. He’d gone from being part of a whole, one of four, to completely alone. Even putting one step in front of the other was getting too much for him and on some days, he forewent even that small action. Laying in bed, contemplating his entire life and how it went so wrong in less time than it took to blink—that was all he had the energy for these days.

So to hear Professor Dumbledore refer to him like that, almost pleasantly, as if they were still back in school and Remus had just bumped into him in the corridor—it was equal parts relieving and maddening.

He chose to ignore that for now, though. He had enough going on without discovering new things to be bothered about. Not like he had the energy for it, either.

“Headmaster, I—“ Remus gulped nervously. Now that he was here, it felt much more daunting than he could have imagined. What would he even say?

“Yes?”

Remus took a shaky breath and tried again. “Professor, are you—is it completely without doubt that Sirius—“ He couldn’t finish the sentence but he knew the other man understood what he was trying to say.

“Mr. Lupin…Remus,” Dumbledore started gently, and already Remus was regretting this little excursion. “I know the past month can’t have been easy for you. I wouldn’t even presume to understand how bad it must’ve been. None of us thought that Mr. Black could…” He trailed off, eyes staring at a door behind Remus. He didn’t think he’d imagined the sadness that flashed in his eyes, a meagre reflection of his own agony.

It was only a momentary slip, though, as his eyes hardened and steel coated his next words. “But what’s done is done, despite the tragedy of it all. Mr. Black made his choice, and now it is time for you to do the same.” He gave a sad smile, a damning one that spoke of his finality in the matter. “It is always harder to be the one left behind, Mr. Lupin, and your fate is one I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. I can only hope that you find the strength I know you have in you, and use it to move on from this episode.”

Remus could only sit there, stunned and numb and feeling like his skin was tearing itself apart from the inside, the way it did on full moons except worse.

An episode, Dumbledore said, as if he wasn’t talking about his family, his entire life. As if this was a schoolyard skirmish, an encore of that horrid ‘prank’ in fifth year, one he could forget if he so wished to. As if it was that easy to carve away the parts of himself that were entwined with the rest of his brothers (which made up most of him— mind, body, soul, and magic). As if he would even want to.

Remus didn’t try again after that, not with Dumbledore and definitely not with anyone else. If the man who was their leader seemed so sure, then who was Remus to go against his word?

(He’d never regretted anything more in his life, perhaps with the exception of the belief that caused this in the first place)

x-x-x-x

They didn’t talk about it.

At first, there was the whole thing with Pettigrew and being on the run and everything that came with it. Once that got sorted, though, there was no excuse other than it was easy.

Easy to ignore the ache in his heart when the distance between them reared it’s ugly head.

Easy to turn away when he saw the way Molly and Dumbledore treated Sirius in his own house, because isn’t that what he’d been doing so far?

Easy to stay away, altogether.

Sirius never brought it up either. Perhaps on purpose, too, because the pain in his eyes never lessened. Remus could pick out multiple instances where he opened his mouth to say something before abruptly shutting down.

That was another difference. Pre-azkaban Sirius wouldn’t have hesitated like that, not with Remus.

It only drove the knife further in. But did he have anyone to blame but himself?

It was just after Hogwarts had closed. Harry, who’d finished his fifth year, had gone back to the Dursleys but not for long because in a turn of events no one could have predicted, Sirius’ case had completely upended itself in the aftermath of the DoM debacle. Remus still didn’t like to think about it, how close he—they’d come to losing Sirius (again) and how it was only sheer dumb luck—a rock that made him stumble sideways instead of back—that saved him from falling into the Veil.

Perhaps the only positive of the evening was the Minister seeing Sirius Black fighting unequivocally for the Light and against the Death Eaters. In Remus’ opinion, it would be quite some time before anyone forgot the image of escaped inmate Sirius Black laughing at Bellatrix Lestrange in a strange parody of his actions fifteen years ago. The cold laughter juxtaposed with the deadly spells he’d been aiming at his cousin was enough to stun everyone not in the know and that was how an enquiry had been conducted into the case, leading to where they were today.

Remus, however, had spent every minute he could hiding away, even more than before. He couldn’t bear to show his face at Grimmauld Place—the idea of seeing Sirius actually sent a wave of shivers down his spine.

But, as he’d always known, his time did run out.

x-x-x-x

“So are we talking about this then?” Sirius’ voice is tired, perpetually exhausted as it seems to be these days.

They were sitting at the dining table, cups of tea long gone cold in their hands. It was the first time in months Remus has allowed himself to be in the same room as Sirius (it shouldn’t be like this. it never was before. how did it all go so wrong) and the other man wasn’t stupid. Even if Remus hadn’t initiated the conversation, he knew they’d have it. Of course it was Sirius who poked the sleeping dragon. He had always been the braver of the two. Of course, if it was a competition, then James Potter would’ve come leagues ahead of either of them, his passion and intensity unmatched.

(But James isn’t here right now and that’s really the cause of half their problems, is it not?)

Sirius was…quieter, more focused, but plenty brave enough. If Remus allowed himself to think about it, it’s no surprise he brought it up first. In fact, it’s more surprising that he hadn’t so far.

Still. “Talk about what?” he regrets the words almost as soon as they slip out of his mouth. Sirius only looks at him steadily.

Of course he knows what this is about but it’s easier to cling to what you’ve been hiding behind all this while, is it not? But is it fair, to him? More importantly, is it fair to Sirius? Does he not deserve an honest answer, an honest friend?

It’s that which pushes him to try again.

“I-I didn’t mean that.”

“Sure you did, Remus.”

“Alright,” he amended. “I shouldn’t have meant that.” And that at least is true. It gets a wry smile out of Sirius.

“There’s a lot I shouldn’t have done,” he continued, which neatly drives the mirth away. Remus looked down, at his fingers, the bitten down nails and ink stains, so he didn’t have to stare into the consequences of his actions.

‘I should—apologise.”

“Do you want to?”

His head snapped up, the sting of the comment settling under his skin like an itch. How could he think—? One look at Sirius’ face, however, devoid of any malice or cruelty, and the indignant feeling in him dies out as quickly as it rose.

It was a fair question. He hated the fact but couldn’t deny it.

How would Sirius know about the hundreds of hours he’d spent screaming and crying and begging someone, anyone to turn back time, to make things better, to give him a second chance?

Sirius couldn’t know about the time Remus hadn’t been able to get out of his house for seven months, two weeks, sixteen days straight, surviving only on dry crackers and tepid tea and stale bread and feeling guilty for doing so. He’d spent the entire time staring blankly at the sickly green wall of his bedroom, living in a haunting loop of his memories and wishing he was back in them.

Sirius hadn’t seen any of that.

(Would it have made a difference, if he had, Remus thinks. They weren’t indicative of anything but his own guilt, certainly didn’t stem from any moral conviction in Sirius—and what value did it have for someone who was being tortured day and night? living with the knowledge that he’d been left behind without so much as a second thought?)

It’s not something he’s thought about before—in those fantasies where everything is as it was before. Sirius apologises, Remus apologises, they hug it out and it’ll all be better again—but now, now he can’t help but wonder about the efficacy of platitudes.

He hated Sirius’ matter of fact resignation even more, like there was no other way for Remus to react except defensively. (It wasn’t always like this. The Marauders, James & Sirius, they’d always been his biggest believers. They’d made him capable of touching the sky and the stars and everything in between and Remus has been untethered ever since that fateful halloween. There was a time, when anyone expecting any less of Remus—even himself—than they should would’ve gotten all of Sirius’ hackles raised—‘our Moony’s worth a dozen of you and you should only be so lucky to get to see that’—so it stung particularly bitterly when it was the same man expressing this apathy.

The juxtaposition of the two Sirius’ in his head was enough to give Remus a headache at the best of times, let alone now.

So he takes a deep breath, lets the feeling wash away, and nods.

“You don’t have any reason to believe me, and I don’t blame you for it, but I do. Want to, that is.”

Sirius didn’t reply but Remus continued, undeterred.

“I didn’t for a long time. I didn’t want to, not at all. Because it would be my fault, you know? And I was so tired, Sirius, god. I was exhausted trying to keep up this pretense. I just needed to get the burden off.”

Sirius just looked at him, silent. Remus could see the way his eyes flick around the room, however, and how his fingers trembled ever so slightly. He might’ve been out of Azkaban but the signs would last a long time.

“What made you change your mind, then?” There's a note of curiosity in Sirius’ voice and Remus cannot articulate the relief that fills him at hearing it. Anything, even anger or blame, was better than that bland apathy that made his skin itch.

The question itself makes him pause, however. Because he’s guilty, nay, he’s ashamed of the answer he’s about to give. He contemplated shutting up, or perhaps leaving the room altogether, and it takes longer than it should for him to banish the thought.

“Remus?” Sirius asked again and it’s the knowing look in his eyes that made him close his eyes in defeat. He should’ve known he couldn’t have avoided this. This was a man who knew him better than anyone else who’s alive right now—how could he ever have thought he’d be able to hide things from him?

So he takes a deep, fortifying breath. Releases it slowly, grounding himself in the process.

“When I came to Hogwarts.”

“The time I broke out?

Remus tilts his head in the barest hint of confirmation. Sirius nods like he’d expected that.

Again, Remus wanted to be offended—but how could he?

“How’d you—“

—know?” Sirius finished. Remus nodded, a sharp, jagged thing that’s barely an answer.

Sirius smiled ruefully. It looked wrong on him, like a shirt stretched out and shrunk back down with a charm. “Because I know you, Remus. And though it hurt, I always knew you didn’t believe in me, at least not at the end there.

I’ve had nothing but time all this while. Time to think, to wonder where it all went wrong, what I could’ve done—time even to curse James out,” he lets out a hollow chuckle at that, one that Remus echoes because just the idea of Sirius cursing at James is so absurd, there’s nothing you can do but laugh at it, morbid though it may be in the moment.

“And the only thing I can think of is how bad we messed up. I don’t— you know the worst part about this, Remus?” Sirius asks, in his tired, broken voice. Just hearing it makes him want to flinch and hide away. Instead, he brings himself to give another shaky nod.

“I wouldn’t have cared one bit if you’d thought I was a mass murderer. Hell, even being a Death Eater could be believable under the right circumstances and you were away so long, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d entertained the thought.”

Remus waited for the ‘but’ with his heart in his mouth, tasting ash and regret and guilt. He knew what was about to come, had wondered the same thing hundreds of times, going round and round in circles with no relief to be found.

“But how could you ever, even just for a second let alone 12 years, think I could do that to Ja—“ here, his voice broke, unable to even finish the name. Sirius’ trembling hands clenched into fists, hard enough that he could see the knuckles losing color. The words were just as devastating as he could have imagined, if not more. Coming from another’s mouth and not just whirling in his thoughts, it seemed even more damning in the light of day.

And that was just it, wasn’t it. It was this that confirmed what Remus had known from the moment he’d been made aware of Sirius’ innocence.

There would be no forgiveness here. The most he could hope for was closure, perhaps a chance to clear the air, as it were, and that was only if Sirius was feeling merciful. Which, when it came to James, he seldom did. Remus would know; he’d seen the aftermath of what happened to those who dared touch James Potter.

And Remus? Ne hadn’t just hurt Sirius—that was almost inconsequential in the larger scheme of things—no, Remus’ biggest mistake was besmirching the legacy, the honor of James Potter.

Sirius had destroyed people for far less.

It was this realisation that weighed heavy on him, head bowing until his chin touched his chest, unable to hold it up anymore, not knowing what to say and unsure whether he should.

“I can forgive you almost anything, Remus, you know that. I wouldn’t have cared one whit about anything else but that you could think that—that anyone who knew us could—it was that, more than the dementors, more than the crazed prisoners, more than the taunts and insults and torture, that’s what almost broke me in Azkaban.”

A sob broke out from Remus’ chest, ugly and desperate and entirely unfair on his part. Sirius didn’t need his guilt, nor his despair. Remus didn't deserve to be unhappy in front of him. He had made his own bed and now he was to lie in it. He couldn’t even be happy about the hint of steel he could hear underlying Sirius’ words, a faint echo of his past self. Because the implications it held for him were devastating. Remus knew he wouldn’t lose Sirius completely—they had too much history for that, but he’d lose everything that made Sirius him. He’d been spoiled, allowed into the small, small circle of people Sirius truly let in, and he knew there would be no going back. There would be perfect civility, and amicable conversations, but he’d never have his Sirius back. He’d get the Sirius Black the rest of the world saw, the one with the impeccable masks, who was always in control—but not Padfoot, never Padfoot anymore.

And that was to be his penance.

“I am—I truly am sorry, Sirius. You’d never know how much. I just—I couldn’t—I don’t think I’ve taken one full breath since that night, everything was too fast and I couldn’t think and I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t used to being alone anymore,” he said, leaning forward desperately, wanting to explain (not justify, never justify), not wanting Sirius to leave thinking this was—this was what Remus wanted. because he didn't, never could’ve imagined things ending up like this.

It was almost humbling, this ignoble end of the Marauders. They’d considered themselves untouchable, rulers of the world, sitting atop a throne only they could see. So many promises, a seemingly unbreakable bond, the best of the best.

And look at them now.

All of them in varying stages of decay, dead and dying.

“And I know, dammit I know that doesn’t count for shite. But please, I just—you have to know—“ his hands pressed together, pleading, as the words came out in a defeated plea, “I never meant for it to be like this.”

“The worst part of that,” Sirius smiled, small and broken and not even worth a shadow of his usual brilliance. “is that I know you mean that, Remus. I believe it too.”

A second passed, then two, before he delivered the final blow.

“I just wish you’d fought for us the way we had for you.”

#sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #he’s not here in person but he’s mentioned enough to be an imo character #but then when is he not when it comes to me #i edited the whole thing and added punctuation + capitalisation and lowkey prefer the og raw unedited one lol #it felt more fitting to this style of writing #but idk if that’s even readable to people lol #so we gotsa make lil creative sacrifices #please read and tell me what u think!!!#very desperate here. basically biting off the last of my fingernails #gonna be anxiously looking at all my notifs lmao #gimme feedback ok?#i wanna know what remus fans think tbh #yes yes im being v annoying and v greedy but. let me have this. pls.#i have—so many thoughts about this that i’ve held myself back from adding #bc i didn’t wanna tell too much #or add unnecessary shit just bc my brian wouldn’t stop #but i don’t think i can stop talking about this if anyone wants to lol #ok that’s enough of me now have fun!#pen’s writing

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scrimple · 1 month

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i keep having dreams where i attempt suicide but nobody cares to try to stop me or anything. i am alone every single time

#bunny talks #my psych told me ‘there’s a very real chance you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t call for help’#and like. Yeah that was the point lol i didn’t even want to go to the hospital i just wanted to talk about my problems and then die #that’s all i wanted and i couldn’t even have that #whatever #if i was dead it would’ve saved everyone from knowing me #i still live and i have no idea why anymore #not that anyone has to try to stop me from attempting #just that it would be nice to feel cared about #i want to matter to people

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bo0zey · 1 year

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anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞#real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS???#ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna

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stinkrascal · 1 year

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men who gift their wives/partners kitchen stuff for their birthday/christmas/etc should die

#my boyfriend almost gifted me a pink kitchen set for my birthday bc i talked about wanting one #but then he said he stopped himself bc he thought about it for .1 seconds and realized that’s the most patronizing gift ever #and then he bought me anime merch bc i am a weeb hehehe #like it isn’t hard to come to that conclusion bro 😭#it’d be like if he got me a toaster for christmas… like thanks i guess?#literally the dumbest gift idea i can think of #meanwhile there are ppl on reddit whose husbands DO THIS and it makes me cringe #i just read this post where this woman said she TOLD HER HUSBAND specifically what she wanted #and this man went out of his way to ignore her and buy kitchen stuff??#it isn’t even pink… listen i wouldn’t be mad if my bf bought me a fully pink kitchen set 😭 but imagine ur husband is like #marry christmas here’s a toaster. make me some toast ❤️#he dies immediately. i’d kill him #when me and bf shop for each other we literally just ask what we want bc guessing is hard lol #that way we always get what we want! see how easy that is men of reddit #reddit makes me realize just how little effort men put into their relationships. i feel fortunate my bf is normal and sweet 😭❤️#LIKE IT’S A SHARED SPACE WHY WOULD YOU GIFT SOMEONE SOMETHING FOR A SHARED SPACE JUST BUY THE TOASTER DON’T TURN IT INTO A GIFT WHAT

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diabolicjoy · 1 year

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#warning there’s too many typos but who cares #i’m always complaining to myself in my head about how me & my best friend have grown apart #we’ve spent all out teenage years doing everything together even though we weren’t from the same school #we’d still find ways to see each other if not every day then at least every month #& since she started college & then a relationship & then work we’ve just grown apart & it was embarrassing for me really because i was alwa #ys the depressed never busy always alone type & i always ended up felt clingy when asking to hang out #feeling*#specially because she’s a social butterfly & i’m the one who has social anxiety lol but it was always reassuring to have her by my side #during these social events #then the pandemic happened & after things went back to normal.. i can actually count on my finger how many times we’ve seen each other irl #also stopped texting each other which is an important detail considering we used to talk every single day #especially because she’s like. literally the only person i feel comfortable opening up abt things i wouldn’t tell anyone #so i just feel isolated & a bit lost in life without her presence in it... but i’m just a very insecure human & always feel like the plans #& little dates & things i come up & plan for us to do is just... super boring to her (or anyone else)#so i stopped trying completely. which is sad because i miss her immensely #but last november i went to a festival with some friends but felt super stressed on the first day but tried to hide it from everyone #because i don’t wanna ruin the whole trip by being moody so i just kept to myself #ended up feeling overwhelmed & on day2 of the festival we txt each other bc she’s gonna be there #so i just spent the entire day2 with her & her partner & we all had such an amazing time... it really revitalized me lol #& everything felt so familiar even though i hadn’t seen her since her bday in may..#& idk i just missed her. i always felt like this lack of talking & seeing each other just meant that they didnt like me as a friend anymore #or that i wasn’t worth keeping around... idk i’m always expecting the worse which is so unfair to the other person #i know she loves me & that life happens #anyway all that to say that i decided to stop being a pussy & stop mopping around #crying abt how i’m alone & friendless. & like. just text them & invite invite them to see a movie or something #idk if it didn’t work our 2 years ago life happens i am trying again #i won’t find someone like them that easily again in life i think

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roaringroa · 11 months

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so grateful that i managed to restrain myself from properly falling in love with my friend and contained my feelings to a common crush

#she’s just started going out with a guy that i think is really going to last #he’s her friend and i met him quite a few times so i know he’s real sweet and will treat her well and i’m happy about that #i’m actually ecstatic that my feelings for her are shallow because we met up and she talked all about how her date with him went #and i swear she told me he and i are similar like 4 times throughout the conversation #which made me go ouch inside but nothing more #if i liked her more i would have been distraught lmao #and also she told me about when she wasn’t feeling well and he took her to the station and offered to pay the uber that would bring her home #that was really expansive so she wouldn’t take the bus #and she refused and went by bus but told me that was so sweet and that’s when she realized he liked her cause who would do that for her?#and i didn’t say anything but when she started the story i thought she was gonna say that he went in the bus with her to take her home #which is like 1 hour away from our uni cause that’s what i would have done lol #anyway now that she’s got a boyfriend it’s only a matter of time till this crush properly goes away and i can’t wait #i know that the heart chooses what it wants and etc but i think i’m pretty good at nipping my feelings in the bud #like i can’t force them not to exist but when i know that it won’t lead to anything i’m good at stopping myself from fantasizing #or from being overly affectionate and things along those lines #which doesn’t make them go away but hinders their growth #the thing is if i think that i have a chance then i cannot stop myself #and then they grow and grow and grow #and it takes me wayyyy too long to get over it #like it took me 2 years to get over a girl that i did not even date lol #it was really tough for me honestly #and that’s why i’m really careful with my feelings now #i never actually thought i’d have a chance with this friend so that’s why i could keep myself from really falling #anyway i do wish my friend and her bf the best like he’s an actual nice guy and her last bf was definitely not which sucked #and once again i need a tinder account lmao #my post

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crybaby-bkg · 2 years

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I love you poetry I love you wide expanse ocean water imagery I love you tying in the moon and it’s strength and devotion to its water I love you big ball of fire that can hold so many metaphors within its sphere I love you otherworldly imagery I love you space analogies I love you pretty pictures made with soft words and gentle meanings I love you simple phrases that convey so much I love

#I’m writing enough poetry to write another book lmfao #it’s just so soothing and I always feel so seen and expressive #I have a hard time talking about how I feel without getting extremely overwhelmed and poetry has helped that so much #I’ve only written one ocean poem and it still slaps and I’ve never written another one bc how can I top that LOL #poetry is so beautiful I love it so much #I made one about the hero society a couple weeks ago and I wanna use it in a fic #about reader being a poet or something and frequently speaking about the problems within hero society #and as they’re breaking down the system to better fit people and stop the idealization of heroes #you’re asked to speak at this big gala and perform a poem #it’s so like……personal to me bc I’ve done this a few times for poetry performances LOL #but I wanna write it!!!!!#okay rambling over sorry I just really love poetry #I also do not write enough about my sexuality and I’m so sad about it #I was so ashamed and confused for so long that I wouldn’t dare put those pieces of myself in my writing in fear of people ‘finding out’#but fuck that #okay done seriously this time lmfao #—in store chit chat! 🍫

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xhudgenssistersconfessions · 1 year

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i get that she wants to spend time with cole and i don't think it has to do with gg or vince either but i think she doesn't have a life in la anymore maybe? if you know what i mean like i think she will live in arizona when they get married and etc so she maybe doesn't care for la anymore

I mean I slightly disagree. Even if she moves out of state, she always have a life in LA — even if it’s slightly. That’s just how things are.

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padfootastic · 2 years

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Can you be awesome and give me some well thought out prongsfoot headcanons? (If you have the time), I want to write a story with then and I need more on their dynamic, than just the basics.

(Friendship and Romantic! 😁)

omg hi yes!! i’ve never gotten an ask like this, i don’t think, and my hcs usually develop during stories so let’s see if i can do it :p

- soulmates in every universe, if not romantic then definitely platonic. they’ll find their way to each other, always.

- james has a crooked nose that sirius loves kissing. he’s very possessive about it, actually

- j might be generally a bit thick bc of the whole spoiled-only-child thing but he’s particularly attuned to sirius’ moods and emotions. i can imagine him writing long ass letters to his parents in the first few years whenever something tripped him up (which was, ykno, everything considering how sheltered he was) to so for help and sirius featured a lot in this (mum, how do i help with nightmares? mum, he doesn’t like treacle tart what do i doooooo, mum he wasn’t allowed to fly as a kid this is a travesty, mum he’s sad a lot and chai doesn’t always help, mum i don’t know how to make him smile etc etc)

- this one’s controversial, i think, but i love thinking of sirius as modelling james’ behaviour. we know he grew up being fed violent hatred + a superiority complex the size of Everest yeah? fully believe his process of unlearning started with james (the first time he used the word mudblood, our boy probably clutched his pearls, scandalised, ‘what are you doing u can’t say that!!’ so sirius started turning to j as a barometer for how to act, sometimes, bc he realised he couldn’t trust his family (and by extension, his own) behaviour. this isn’t instant, mind, but a gradual, time & labor intensive process and even after he grew out of it, i think sirius had this subconscious tendency to look for james’ approval.

- i hate the whole ‘james matured for a girl’ arc so my take on it is that his ‘growth’ came from a combination of ailing, elderly parents + rising war tensions + most importantly, sirius. end of 5th year he got a first hand view into the treatment his best mate received by his family and that horror made him want to be the best he could for sirius. i’ve always seen james as a protector and a caregiver, someone who takes people under his wing & looks after them, and i don’t think it was ever more obvious than around sirius. post 5th year, he gained a focus that he lacked before and would spend a lot of time just picking up on skills that could help him be better. duelling, defence, first aid, knitting, cooking etc etc. anything to feel useful.

- the shift from friendship to romantic would be tricky & probably require outside intervention or a lot of time, i think. they were already so close as friends that it just never occurs to them to take it any further ykno? their hearts & souls are intertwined, they’re super physically affectionate, and they’re already each other’s no. 1. so someone either has to bring it to their attention, they take yeaaaaars to realise ‘huh. this isn’t how i feel towards others’ or they live a wonderfully fulfilling qpp life together.

- i’ve talked about this before but physical!!! affection!!! and not just in terms of like, kisses or hugs but touch. they’re always in contact in some way. it’s comforting, safe. arms around waists, shoulders, hips/chin resting on the other, leg slung across, hand on a back or leg. you get it right? it’s subconscious, it’s natural, and they don’t even realise they’re doing it unless someone points it out

- sunshine and sunshine protector!!!! james was loud and brash and took all the space in a room. he was also sensitive bc he’s not told no often so when it has to be done, u need to do it in a certain way so he doesn’t internalise it as a personal failing and shut down. sirius is the best one to do it bc he can stand up to james w/o being intimidated + realise that the carrot works better than the stick w him. there’s a very real risk of his light fading out. at the same time, this makes sirius very protective of him. it’s why i wrote shovel talk. even in a universe where lily & sirius were friends, i think he’ll have a Talk with her to confirm her intentions. sirius is not willing to take chances with his james.

- pet names! james called sirius darling and my love and honey and sweetheart because he’s an old soul in a young body. sirius called james love (and sometime babe/baby). their go to for each other was ‘si’ and ‘jamie’ respectively, which was a term of affection on its own bc only they used it, no one else.

- james has *always* been attracted to sirius; he just didn’t realise it bc he thought this was how everyone felt towards sirius. ‘oh yeah he’s so ethereally beautiful, it’s just like, a fact of life and everyone knows it’ and thinks the random boners are normal until one day he realised that, no, that’s not actually the norm & he’s just a simp who thinks everything sirius does is perfect (think chin in hand, heart eyes, sighing)

ok i’m gonna cut myself off here bc this is already criminally long but i think it’s pretty clear i can go on for days lol. i tried to include both but i’m not great w romantic so i hope that came thru 🙈🙈

pls tag me in ur story when u write it (even if the hcs don’t help lol u can still use them in a process of elimination to find ur niche)!! i’d love, love , love to read it + always here if u wanna brainstorm 💜

#james potter #sirius black #prongsfoot #gosh this became so long. i was worried i wouldn’t have anything to say and then i couldn’t stop 💀 had to cut myself off after a point #friend this is the first piece of fandom content i’ve written in over a month so thank u sm for the ask #still don’t know if it’s any good but hey. it’s something. i’ll take it.#i’ve talked about james as sirius’ moral compass before but i don’t mean it in a ‘he couldn’t think for himself’ way #rather that when he doubted himself—which was a lot—he’d always go to j for confirmation #(it’s a bit of projection for me bc i do something similar w a friend of mine too)#and whenever he worried he was being a little too much like his family—james would set him straight #just wanted to clear that up bc i’ve seen someone vaguing me ab this and i don’t want them to get the wrong idea again lol #also re james: i can relate to being loud & Too Much. someone once told me i talked too much and i stayed quiet the entire day #not one word escaped my mouth. made people v uncomfortable #i’ve done the rubber band against my wrist thing too & i can see james doing something like that #ig regardless of how one writes j&s the one think i’ll look for is this implicit understanding and bond?#like they’re always each other’s no. 1 and it’s absolutely unconditional. like even when they’re fighting they’ll take care of each other #that’s the relationship i look for (which i don’t often get lolcrie)#but yeah. that’s me. doesn’t have to be everyone 💀#i didn’t mention it here bc i’ve talked ab it so much but also fully think j was the only one who could fluster sirius #like the boy had a great poker face; probably also a rbf; prided himself ron being a master of his emotions #then along comes one jfp with his doe eyes and stupid fluffy hair and bright big smile #sirius has never blushed so much in his *life*#also think people who don’t know them (aka non hogwarts folx) would probably get the wrong-est impression of sirius if they see him around j #bc he’s everything that he’s *not* around him #it’s actually really funny to imagine lol #mhm ok ye gonna shut up now. thanks for the lovely ask anon & sorry for all the word vomit!#pen’s asks #pen’s notes

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