#and I always get paranoid and anxious about being judged when I do that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dalamjisung · 1 year

Photo

You’re not expecting what greets you as soon as you walk inside the infamous frat house. But then again, you’re not really sure what you are expecting– more screams, rowdy men, loud music. Those do run though your head, yes, but all you get are a few polite hello’s and some friendly smiles from men passing by. You recognize a couple of them, waving happily at Wonwoo as you see him walking out of the kitchen, and something about his and Vernon’s familiar presence has your nerves calming down. “Y/N,” He greets you with that lazy Wonwoo smile and you can’t help but giggle in return, letting out a soft, “Wonwoo.”

After that, it’s like you’ve been there before, getting comfortable like you are when it’s just you and Vernon. The thing about you is that sure, you’re a bit anxious, and sure, you might not be the best company in a loud room filled with drunk people, but that’s just because you feel out of place. It’s a feeling deep within yourself, one that has you a bit paranoid of how people look at you, as if they know you’re trying too hard, like they are judging you for not… for not acting more like them, more outgoing, more extroverted. The titles make you uncomfortable, too, because it’s not like there’s something so innately wrong with you that it needs an official name– Jeongin has told you many, many times that there is nothing wrong with being more introverted than the normal person– but it’s the need to emphasize the difference in between you and ‘the normal’ person that makes you want to crawl into a whole and hide for the rest of your life. Which was why you usually avoid the topic, just telling people you don’t like parties and crowded places, when, in reality, you do quite enjoy the vivacity of being with all your friends. You love the thrilling sensation of doing stupid shit with Hyunjin, or when Seungmin texts you for a late night stroll. You adore when Chan and Minho invite you for their drinks night, or how Felix and Jisung will randomly show up with pizza to play with your Switch. And Jeongin… how could you leave your best friend for last? Every single second with him is bliss, and even after all these years, there’s always something new and different for you to find out about each other. Or, actually, there’s always something new and different for you to find out about Jeongin. When it’s about you… well, it feels like your other half is stuck in the past, refusing to give up the image of you in your pigtails, crying in the hallways because some dumb boy broke your heart.

There is both adoration and annoyance whenever you think about Jeongin’s insistence towards old you, but, in the end, you can’t really fight the smile that naturally comes whenever you think of the adorable young man. He’s just protective, you think to yourself, blinking yourself awake from your daydreaming. “Y/N? Earth to Y/N?” Looking at Vernon, you chuckle, shaking your head in embarrassment. “Sorry, Vern. What’s up?”

“Do you want something to drink or eat before we go upstair?” He asks, pointing at the kitchen where Wonwoo just came from. “Nah, I’m good. Let’s get to studying before it gets way too late and we get lazy again.” Motioning for you to follow him, he takes you a large living room where a group of guys are putting some decorations on the wall. You don’t know any of them, but they are quick to introduce themselves as Seungkwan, Seungcheol, and Chan. “Nice to meet you guys, I’m Y/N!” You say, smiling shyly as you move closer to Vernon. “Y/N?” Chan asks, eyes wide and something akin to shock all over his face. You just nod, looking at him weirdly. “Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to sound like a creep,” He laughed, extending a hand to you as a hello. “I’m a friend of Jeongin’s, not sure he has mentioned me, but if he has he probably called me Dino.”

And that’s when it clicks– he’s Dino. He’s party Dino, and it’s like you switch from shy and reserved to excited and sparkly. Recognition beats anxiety and suddenly you’re laughing with him, shaking his hand with vigor. “Oh my god, I’ve heard so much about you!” And it seems like it’s a mutual understanding, because he immediately screams, “SAME, DUDE!” But before you can chat, Seungcheol interrupts. “If you guys are looking to hang out here, I have bad news. Tonight is Seungkwan’s party, so we’re starting to get stuff ready.” Vernon looks at you with wide eyes, covering his mouth with his hand. “Fuck, I completely forgot. I’m so sorry Y/N… is it cool for us to study in my room?”

You both hear Dino snickering before you can even try and say anything. “Be careful, man. If Jeongin finds out, he’ll kill you.” Now, you know that was supposed to be a joke; just a play on your best friend’s tendency towards overprotectiveness… but for you, it feels like a joke on Jeongin himself. “Hey,” You mumbled, frowning at him. “He would never.” Just as you move to the stairs, you hear Dino cackling, shouting something like so she’s as protective of him as he is of her. “Ignore him,” Vernon offers an empathetic look, sensing your tension. “He’s like a labrador. Overly friendly, even with people he doesn’t know that well.”

All in all, the studying goes pretty well. You cringe a couple of times, he laughs a couple of times, and the noise booming outside doesn’t bother you two too much. It’s odd, knowing that now, if you step outside, your vision of a frat house would come to life; the screaming outside Vernon’s door is enough to prove it. “I think I might need a police detail to get out of here alive,” You joke, putting the books back in your bag. “Don’t worry, I’ll escort you outside, madam.” The look you give him is enough to have both of you laughing a bit tiredly. “Unless you want to say for a bit. Seungkwan’s parties are usually pretty cool… they’re on the tamer side.”

Squinting your eyes, you scoff. “Why? Think I can’t take the hard stuff?” Even you shrink into yourself at how stupid you sound. “When you look like that, yeah, I really don’t,” Vernon teases, opening his door with a smirk. “But no, miss hard ass. I, myself, prefer the tamer parties. They are more… enjoyable. The other’s go way too hard, it’s too much for my little introverted ass. Not all of us are brave like you.” Fixing your bag on your back, you raise your chin in the air as if you are not about to have a heart attack at the thought of going downstairs and talking to people you don’t really know. “Then follow me, young grasshopper.”

Turns out the young grasshopper has been the master all along and as soon as you step downstairs, Vernon is gone. You think you remember a girl calling his name and dragging him away, but the overwhelming sensation of the unwanted loud music and the booming bass vibrating on your skin has you head a bit fuzzy. Until you feel a hand on your shoulder. “Holy fu– Oh. Hey, Chan, what’s up?” There is an air of casualty to you that sounds so unfamiliar in this setting and you can’t help but try and shake the weirdness in the air. Raising his brows up, he shrugged. “Nothing much. Just wanted to… check in, I guess, you looked a bit lost.” Lost? Was it that obvious?

“Oh… Yeah, I mean, Vernon disappeared and I don’t know anyone here, so…” With a small smile, you give him a small shrug, making a face at the feel of a random elbow digging into your back. “My god, you’re exactly like how Jeongin described,” Chan giggles, pointing behind him with a sort of twinkle in his eye that makes you blush. “Wanna go outside? It’s less crowded and maybe the open air will help… I certainly would enjoy it, it’s getting really stuffy here.” It’s the way he puts it, as if this is more for him than for you, that has you following him to the backyard, and surprise, surprise, the fresh air does help. Filling your lungs with the cold air has your shoulders relaxing, and you smile at him gratefully.

“You know, Jeongin is incredibly biased, you shouldn’t listen to him, whatever it is that he said.”

“Is that so? What if he only said good things?” Chan asks, wiggling his brows and leaning a tad closer to you.

“My god, specially so!” You mumble, hiding your face behind your hands. “He always hypes me up to the point of sounding fake, it’s insane!”

“Oh my god, I know! If it wasn’t for Vernon showing us a picture of you and saying you’re the smartest person in his class, we would continue to think you didn’t exist,” The way Chan laughs, throwing his head back and letting his smile stretch wide, erupts something in the pit of your stomach.

“Wait, wait, wait– Vernon showed you all a picture of me?” You gasp. “Why?”

“Because Jeongin refused to, and we were really worried about his sanity. All we knew was that he had this childhood best friend who was basically god on Earth and yet, he refused to introduce her to us.”

Something about that doesn’t sit right. “Refused?” This is all news to you. “Like… you guys asked and he just… flat out said no?”

“Yeah! We asked for years now, and he always says no, but I promise, Y/N, we’re much more fun than what he probably made us sound.”

And this is when you realize Jeongin never really talks about them. Sure, there is the casual mention of Dino here and there, and sure, he’s the guy that throws the best parties on campus, but these are just random facts you put together from separate conversations– Innie never really sat down with you to talk about what happened in a party or how he even got to know about the party to begin with. Ignoring the tugging sensation of doubt burning on the pit of your stomach, you awkwardly itch the back of your head, fixing your bag on your shoulder. “Yeah… I’m sure you are, I mean… so far so good.”

“Oh yeah? And what can I to make it great?”

Sure, it has been a while since you last flirted with someone– the smirks and gentle touches aways catching you by surprise– but god, you now remember the flurry of butterflies on your stomach with fondness and adoration. Chan’s comment has you giggling like you’re back in high school, eyes going wide at the way he daringly takes a step closer. “I mean–”

“LEE FUCKING CHAN!”

—————————————

matching set // three : what bothers you, my little freeloader?

pairing: popular!jeongin x introvert!reader

genre: college!au, fluff

description: You two grew up together. As in, together-together. It’s an old tale, one where your mothers are best friends and so, much like best friends do, they went through every mile stone together– dating, marriage, and babies. Safe to say, you two learned from the best, so no one was really surprised when college came around and you two ended up in the same place. The only problem was, you’re not sure if you can stay the same when everything else has changed.

masterlist

chapter two // chapter four

taglist: @banqtlattae @dream-toaster @strxwberrifields @cryoskz @p2q3r4 @lochness-butmakeitsexy @necromancersupreme @pokyloky @minmindreaming @junseokiss @rindomo @tanjiroar @meowtella @wewuuu @teddibug @hugsforjunseo @born5sos @the7thcrow @unloyaljisung @skzooo @jeonstresour @anxiousbobatea @mstarlight @dayawantstosleep @likexaxdaydream @mstarlight @multiwendi @itsyaapollochild @90s-belladonna @seungcheoluwu @hopefulpursepeanutdeputy @nikyc00 @eastleighsblog @maeleelee @baby-bread-in @minhoesss @imasimplol @starrmage @baby-bread-in

[I am passing on the taglist to this series :) if you’d like to be added/removed, please let me know!]

—————————————

uh-oh, Dino is in trouble!!! Sorry for the delayed update lovelies, but I’m on holiday and had to hunt for a nearby coffeeshop with wifi to get my computer working for the update >.< but here it is! What do you guys think so far? Let me know, I love chatting with you bbs <3 as always, thank you so much for your support, it means so much to me to know that we have this beautiful community here!

31 notes · View notes

electronickingdomfox · 4 months

Text

"The Klingon Gambit" review

Novel from 1981, by Robert E. Vardeman. I don't have much to say about this one, neither praise nor a rant. Perhaps there's no worse fate than indifference? This novel is a return to the more episodic format of the old Bantam novels. Basically a rehash of "The Naked Time", with a bit of "This Side of Paradise" (as far as Spock is concerned), and Klingons in the middle. I don't think the plot has enough substance for a novel-length story, so a lot of times I had the impression of reading the same thing over and over, as if the author had to fill pages but didn't really have anything new to say.

Anyway, the writing's fine, and lets Kirk shine as a clever diplomat, always with an ace up his sleeve to avoid a confrontation. While the rest of the crew is infected by some virus of silly, Kirk seems to be the only one that keeps his cool (some scientist should study this man one day; he seems to be immune and special in every single way...). It's hard to judge the rest of the characters, since they're purposefully acting weird through most of the novel. Spock swinging between totally emotional and totally Vulcan was well-done, without being over the top. Though McCoy seems to me a bit too disrespectful and insulting (and I'm not entirely sure this is due to the strange influence affecting the ship). I'm also not sure about his reluctance to save an injured Klingon's life, on the basis of him being the enemy. The way I see it, McCoy is first a doctor, then a Starfleet officer. There's also a return of that weird idea from earlier novels, that Vulcans are completely unable to feel any love or sexual urge outside pon farr. I don't know why this notion was so widespread, when a full Vulcan like Sarek was seen in the series having a loving relationship with his human wife, while Stonn and T'Pring had an affair outside marriage.

As for the plot, it's very simple, so I'm just going to gloss over it without spoilers. The Enterprise finds a Vulcan science ship adrift, and everyone's dead aboard, without any discernible reason. The ship was part of an archaeological expedition on the nearby planet of Alnath II, led by a famous Andorian scientist. As there's also a Klingon ship orbiting the planet, the Klingon become the main suspects for the Vulcans' deaths. However, the lead scientist insists that the Klingons have only been a nuisance, as far as their activities disrupt his investigations of the ruins. Kirk doesn't have any proof that the Klingons are guilty (and they also have some rights over this planet in particular, since it doesn't belong to the Federation). So he enters into a tense situation with the Klingon captain, where none dare to attack the other, and break the Organian peace treaty. Things get worse when the crew of the Enterprise start acting irresponsibly, and almost mutinous. Everyone seems to just do whatever they want, disregarding their duties. Scotty becomes obsessed with improving the engines, and starts dismantling half the ship for spare parts. Chekov becomes too trigger-happy and anxious for battle. Uhura daydreams about M'Benga. Spock swings between his human and Vulcan sides, and is at times overrun by feelings of love for his female assistant. McCoy becomes paranoid about machines and technology, so he switches to primitive medical treatments... You get the idea. The answers, of course, lay in the planet below and its mysterious pyramid. Kirk has a showdown with the Klingons as well. The resolution is nothing special really, though there's a little surprise about the origin of the alien, deserted city.

Spirk Meter: 2/10*. Kirk seems more aware about Spock's mood swings than anyone else. And he's a bit distressed about Spock possibly reciprocating his assistant's feelings. There's also a scene where Spock loses his shit on the bridge and starts crying, so Kirk bitch-slaps him, to make him come to his senses, even at the risk of suffering the Vulcan's violence himself. And Spock catches his wrist and all that (it's very similar to the scene in "This Side of Paradise").

For his part, McCoy wants to go live in a farm with Jim. And he's awfully interested in Spock staying more human, and you know, loving and horny all the time. As you will, Doctor...

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

#star trek tos #star trek novels #novel review #spirk #k/s

9 notes · View notes

bi-hans · 2 days

Note

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

say 3 things about someone you love

do you collect anything?

ummmmmmmm i wish i could give a more interesting answer but i don't even really know how to answer this to begin with. i guess i would say that being left with my older brother a lot when i was a little kid turned me into kind of a tomboy. i liked playing sports and video games with him and his friends/or just hang around with them. he influenced a lot of the things i still like to this day such as wrestling, mortal kombat, transformers, ninja turtles, power rangers etc. // i think being exposed to stuff like friday the 13th when i was a child (lol oops) gave me nightmares for years to come but also made me like unflappable to anything scary/horror. like i go to those haunted house attractions and stuff and nothing fazes me which sometimes annoys the workers there. so they might like get in my face and heckle me and follow me around and i'm just like

// i was always intrested in drama but in elementary we didn't have an actual class for that..they were just sort of starting something like that at the end of grade 8 which sucks cause that drama award would have been MINE for sure, but alas……..but anyway i did take drama in highschool and that's when shit got real cause instead of just like reading a shakespeare sonnet in front of the class, we had to actually put on our own plays. i mean like direct a play, oversee everything from music, lighting, costumes etc AND star in someone else's play, so rehearse and memorize lines for that too. and then we would perform for like the entire school for 2 days. and i was so anxious i was honestly considering skipping. i was almost thinking of like hospitilizing myself to get out of it.💀 but not only would that have screwed me over, but my friend who's play i was casted in so like, i just had to suck it up and do it. thankfully it all went smoothly. anyway this turned into a storytime about high school but i think that experience made me more bold/less paranoid about other people judging me, cause i do be walking around with neon pink hair a lot.

2. my dad is just like me fr. like that pretty much covers it. we usually see eye to eye on things and take each other's side. and we have the same taste in a lot of stuff too.

3. not really. not in the traditional sense. i've sort of started a collection of piccolo figures, but that could also be said of megatron and recently i've been buying a bunch of ghostface merch soooooo i guess that counts maybe idk

#ask #chewbokachoi

2 notes · View notes

thegoblinboy · 2 years

Text

Stoner Thoughts -

Written by eddiethegreatteddybear

day four of my writing challenge

4. stoner thoughts - where Steve gets very cuddly and touch starved while high. Eddie may find out just a little more then Steves secret but also Robons

When stoned Steve gets way to cuddly. When he first gets stoned he's fifteen and he was with Tommy. But Tommy ended up having to go home early so that left him home alone and slightly paranoid and cuddly. So what does he do? He finds the hugest teddy bear that he had won at a fair a few nights before for a girl he liked at school and flops on top of it cuddling super close to it. His face buried into the stuffys neck as I love Lucy plays in the back ground. Which is also something he's discovered about himself. He just loves old Tv Shows. Anywhere from the Brady Bunch to Bewitched. He doesn't get high again like that with Tommy, saying he didn't really like that. Though he was just to scared that if he really got high that the other would call him gay and that's all he needed.

Though he soon catches on to how to get a little buzzed, and not completely stoned. He's not as cuddly thank God, but he's very relaxed and just wants to watch tv. So the second time he smokes he’s sixteen and eating a crap ton of KFC with Tommy. He’s very aware of how different he is when he’s drunk and when he’s stoned. Though his third time getting proper high was with Nancy. It was after he found out about everything and the upside down and he ends up clinging onto her for a long time. Though truth be told, he knew that she was annoyed with him. Which made him more anxious to the point where he got up and just left to his room where he cuddles into his pillows.

The fourth time he was high, (was obviously with Robin after being tortured) on weed was with Robin. Who couldn’t stop complaining about how fun it would be. They ended up buying a crap ton of movies and getting stoned and Steve’s obviously not enjoying himself as he just wants to cuddle something. Of course Robin, the sweet heart she is moves over to him and asks if he’s ok. She’s completely stoned herself and she isn’t dumb. “You aren’t having flash backs to starcourt are you?” She asks concerned. Which wasn’t the case. Steve then goes onto explain his problem. Which he finds stupid, but for the first time ever someone doesn’t laugh at him or calls him stupid. Instead Robin welcomes him over with open arms as he buries himself into her side gladly being little spoon. Though as time passes on they discover it’s just a ‘Steve’ thing. Not a high thing. The other was always wound up tight and super anxious and of course something wrapped around him would make him feel better. They even searched it up and found it scientifically proven that weighted blankets would help to. So when Christmas comes Robin ends up buying him a thirty pound blanket and there isn’t anything else he’s used that much. It’s obviously their secret and no one else knows about his anxiety.

Now Steve has been stoned countless times with Robin. No one really knew about his coping mechanism and he’s still very embarrassed about it. Though Robin decides to welcome Eddie in their friend group with open arms. Nothing comes up about being high together until Eddie tosses the idea out there. Steve looks a little nervous and Robin shrugs. “I mean I don’t see why not, but me and Steve get even weirder when we are stoned. So if you even think about judging us I’ll go a week straight shitting on Black Sabbath.”

This only causes Eddie to raise his eyebrow, “well who doesn’t get weird when high. And don’t even joke about that Robin.” He complains before asking seriously. “Though neither of you like- get weirdly sexual or anything right. Like neither of you guys are going to fuck each other in front of me are you?” He says sounding more concerned about that then anything. Which leaves both Steve and Robin laughing on the floor. Though Robin stands up back on the floor as she leans against the Family Video counter.

“No we do not. We are as platonic as friends can get. Though I’ll bring you in on a little secret, though you have to promise not to tell a soul. And if you do, I’m destroying everything you love before me and Steve leave town with our shit.” She starts off chuckling though towards the end she’s dead serious and Eddie does take it seriously. He knew how the two were- it wasn’t often when the both of them went silent and got serious like this. He swallows a little as he looks at the two as they look at each other. He sees Steve shrug.

“It’s up to you Robin, I think we can trust him. He would be a hypocrite if he blabbed his mouth. Well not for the same thing but for -“ Robin can’t help but cackle a little. Eddie was very clueless.

“Ok Eddie, this is the last test to see if you can officially be in our little dorky bubble.” Nancy says seriously. Though she was stalling a bit and the boy could see how nervous she is. “So you see - back in-“

Steve interrupts, “Robin get to the point. Or do we have to do this with Charades?” He says seriously. Robin sighs nodding her head feeling very self conscious.

“Alright,” he hops over the shelf as he grabs two cardboard cut outs going back over as he sets them up for Robin. Robin is raising a eyebrow before groaning.

“Steve you just do it. All the words in my head are not connecting to my mouth.” She huffs tossing her hands up as Eddie was raising a eyebrow at this point. He had no clue what was going on. Steve gives Eddie a apologetic look. Before he’s taking Robins hand and setting it on the female cut outs boobs. Shrugging.

Robin flushes as Steve pats her on the shoulder. “Come on, we’ve been working on this shit for over a month. You can say it.” He boasts as Robin rolls her eyes.

“I like boobies.” She mumbles as Eddie catches on.

“Ohhhhhhh.” He says as he can’t help but laugh a little. “That was the most chaotic gay thing I’ve ever seen. I cant.” He snorts as he hops over the counter looking at Robin seriously.

Robin looks at him nervous as Eddie says in the most serious voice. “Well I guess I can’t fit into this group, because it seems like I’m the only one who doesn’t like boobies.” He says as Robin grins as Steve just moves the cardboard cutouts as Robin grins happily.

“How bout you Harrington?” Eddie asks with a raised eyebrow. “What’s your big secret that caused you to panic?” He asks curious as Robin grins.

“Don’t worry, you’ll probably find out when we get high.” She says as they start to clean up as Steve chuckles.

“Well it’s not really all that big, it’s really stupid-“ Robin puts a hand over his mouth.

“Nope, we have to leave one surprise for Eddie tonight. “ she smiles as Steve chuckles shaking his head as he leans on the counter amused.

“So are you- like- fruity to Harrington?” Eddie asks curious as Robin looks at Steve curious who simply shrugs.

“Hm- I don’t like labels. To restricting for me. Though I’m only into girls.” He hums as he shrugs as Robin snorts.

“In other words, he’s open to trying stuff out. Who knows you might need to guy to help you with that mental block you seem to be having with the women.“ Robin teases before they go back to normal once customers start coming in.

Then later when they do start smoking at Steve’s, Eddie relaxes a bit passing it around. He wasn’t getting to high already told by Robin that he should wait until Steve is. Apparently it would be worth it. So the both of them pretended to smoke with Harrington pretty much smokes the entire thing as he watches tv. When his high hits, he’s grinning sleepily on the couch as he looks over at Robin who’s nodding her head amused.

“You have ten minutes of being little spoon, then you’re going to have to get your blanket.” She says calmly as Steve pretty much curls into her watching the tv. And Eddie can’t help but smile amused. It was sort of amusing to watch the very closed off Steve Harrington go very cuddly. Though it sort of made sense. Steve’s on top of the other curled up as he starts to ramble a little.

“Robin, why can’t there be a cereal of lucky charms with just the marshmallows?” He asks randomly causing both Eddie and Robin to crack up amused. Eddie started to pass the joint between him and the girl, as they started to get baked too.

“I don’t know Stevie, maybe because it’s unhealthy.” Robin cracks up as Steve shrugs amused. Robin ends up changing the channel and Steve starts to complain before he goes silent.

“See, maybe if you stopped bitching you would realize Johnny Depp was on the tv.” Robin teases. “You’re totally drooling on my pants right now. Get off you dweeb.” She laughs as Steve pouts getting off as she teases. “You totally have a crush on Johnny Depp, admit it.” She teases now stoned herself as Steve shakes his head being stubborn.

“Nope I do not.” He says as Eddie listens in amused. He never thought he would be in this situation where king Steve was arguing about liking Johnny Depp. Leaning back on the couch with crossed arms as they go silent watching the show for a bit before Eddie could feel Steve shaking a little. Robin had already caught on and hums softly.

“Stevie, why don’t you go get your weighted blanket Hm? That always helps when your anxious.” She smiles as she takes the leading role of the other and he nods a little dumbly before moving getting up and stumbling a bit. Robin moving to help him.

“No, I’ll help him. Why don’t you smoke a little bit more.” Eddie smiles as he hands her the rest of the joint as he moves to Steve who was stumbling. Eddies hands move to the others hips helping him go to his destination. When they are in Steve’s room he looks around before he’s helping the other lift his blanket.

“Do you normally get anxious when High Stevie boy?” Eddie asks curious. Watching how the other gets flustered before nodding his head.

“Yeah, its something that started after everything with the upside down. That and before hand I didn't smoke with the greatest of people and when I'm high I'm clearly very cuddly.” he says with a blush. Eddie nods his head understanding.

“It's cool. Neither me or Robin mind. If you want you can cuddle up to me if that will help with your anxiety.” Eddie offers without much though. Steve looks at hum a little nervous before nodding his had. And just like that Eddies leading him back out where they start to get situated. Eddie moves the blanket on Robin to as he climbs underneath it surprised by how heavy it was. Then he's wrapping his arms around Steve who was a little shaky. And Eddie can't explain it, but the best feeling in the world was when Steve stopped shaking. Knowing he was safe as he watched 21 jump street. Eddie smiles as he holds the other close. Making sure the other was comfy. And if they fall asleep like that neither of them care.

Steve did wake up though, a little shy but soon rolls around and hides under the blanket and buries himself into Eddies chest. And if they become Friends with Cuddle Benefits it couldn't have been stopped.

#steve x eddie #steveharrington #stranger things #steddie #eddie munson #bxb #steve harrington #i forgot the tags the first time #stoner #stoner rick

125 notes · View notes

soulvomit · 2 years

Text

It's one thing when you're only one generation removed from The Discourse. But when it's more than that, even the pushback on the pushback, looks weird.

The big thing in autism discourse is that female Zoomer and Young Millennial ND activists are pushing back on optics that were a 90s/00s thing (the genius boy for example) but absolutely weren't a thing in my childhood. Those dudes were just gifted kids who were golden boys, "high functioning autism" was associated with Rain Man, etc. Like, really, "white male autistic genius" was not a thing. My generation still had the prodigy/highly gifted optic. A big optic problem though was always that "male genius" was a thing to begin with because the culture had a fraught relationship with female intelligence.

Also, at some point in the last two decades, feminism stopped talking about how the culture gaslights intelligent girls, right from the get go, and produces trauma and mental illness in those same girls over a lifetime. And we stopped talking about how feeling like you're constantly being watched and judged, is not specifically an autism symptom (because now I ONLY see this discussed in female ND space and that makes me bristle.)

"Female autism" is not a special kind of gender essentialist autism for girls, it's an intersection of autism with the demands of compulsory (privileged white) femininity, often and usually policed by other women, and with the de-relevance (not really canceled, just buried under the heaps of newer and more media/internet friendly discourse) of lots of topics we talked about in the 90s and authors like Deborah Tannen... it is almost impossible to talk about this now

Finally, I don't know how to tell you that it's time to talk about a modern culture bound disorder that I think is evolving because of social media and interconnection, you're not imagining things, you really ARE being watched and judged on the slightest infractions/hurt feelings/offenses and in how weird you act or look in public, please don't gaslight yourself or allow therapists to. Of course this is much harder to live with when you are ND and basically just one walking microaggression. Please go back to pointing the finger outward where it belongs, like we used to do in these discussions. People are somehow conditioned to lie to you and comfort you when you admit to "paranoid" or "socially anxious" feelings but damn, at the same time, People of Wal-Mart exists.

Sometimes it's autism and sometimes it's "we live in a fucking dystopian panopticon"

35 notes · View notes

marshmallowprotection · 2 years

Note

Replaying Jaehee's route really got me thinking about her becoming close friends with Saeran after his AE. Like, yeah there's the whole thing with them both being interested in cooking, desserts, ect but the thing that really caught my attention was the discussion about freedom and what it means to search for your own happiness in life. I can't help but think about how Saeran would relate to her struggle with finding enough courage to pursue what she really wants in life on a deeply personal level. Sure, it's quite different from his own situation, but their journey is oddly similar! She feels like the world will judge her if she decides to do what she wants in life, and even though she WANTS to escape, that means taking the risk of possible failure head on. And... it's scary. After all, there's nothing special about her, she shouldn't get all high and mighty and just do whatever she wants, right? That'd be selfish and arrogant... She should just be grateful for what she already has.

I can't help but remember Saeran's own conflict in that regard. Now I just want to imagine her and Saeran growing close with him helping her find her confidence to start up on her own path without any doubt in her heart. Better yet, what if they open up a cafe together? Or a cafe with a flower shop inside as a bonus :)

Here's some examples btw:

I have to agree. Saeran personally has nothing against the RFA members once he's free from Mint Eye, but it's obvious that he always respected Jumin Han and Jaehee Kang. He knew they happened to be smart people who could snuff out lies without trouble. As far as knowing them closely, he didn't until he came directly into contact at C&R after you flee Mint Eye.

He finds it's simple to work with them and they unite well in hopes of a common goal. Building bonds with them is hard, though. He feels a bit anxious about the past even if it's beyond him, looking at the RFA is like looking at a screen he never thought he'd find. They treat him in a way he never expected. He gets respect and compassion despite everything. Jaehee and Jumin were the first to greet him face to face and he knows he doesn't need to feel paranoid.

Those two understand how to be straightforward and that language helps him a lot. He struggles with Zen and Yoosung because they're a lot more casual and lax compared to him, but he's working on that. In this case, we know that Jaehee is the one closest to him in the office since they work together non-stop when Jumin isn't around and she's been left to her device.

Now, Saeran already knows a bit about her, but he doesn't know it all. He can probably piece it together with the way she talks about things in her life. She often pushes aside compliments and insists that she's capable of better. It won't take all that long for him to realize that she was treated a lot like him.

They were constantly trying to please somebody that would never be happy with their potential.

It's hard to be reaching for something like that when you're a child. You think that if you keep pushing yourself harder and harder then you will be acknowledged. But, it’s never the case. These kinds of thoughts and feelings manifest themselves in your personality more than you realize until you start to do some self-reflection and healing later in life. This is true for Jaehee's route and Saeran's. They need a kick to see it.

I feel like they could have a really good heart-to-heart on this subject. I don't know how it would come up and I don't know how it would play out but what I do know about it is that Saeran would finally be in a position where he’s giving the advice his MC gave him to another person in need. He took to heart the warm words he once received when it was easy to beat himself up instead of doing anything else to help himself. He can take that lesson that he learned and that he's still learning and give it to somebody else who needs to hear it.

It's kind of funny to think about it. Ray once commented that Jaehee was just a fussy secretary that was too noisy for her own good, but at this point, he can see that Jaehee is more than that. She's a kind and compassionate person who hasn't quite found the thing in life that's made just for her. She's going through the motions just like Ray did in the past. GE Saeran can see that now in hindsight.

Personally, I love the thought of Jaehee and Saeran working together! I think they’d be such a power duo. She makes the drinks and he bakes the cakes. They would be unstoppable if you put them into the same job because the two of their heads are better together than as one.

I genuinely think what they could learn from each other is that it's okay to stumble and fall when you're trying to figure out the best way to be happy. That's a lesson that you can keep learning over and over again throughout life. You don't learn at once; Sometimes you have to learn it a few times before it sticks.

You can clearly see in Saeran’s AE that Jaehee admires him. All of the members of the RFA admire him for their own personal reasons but this is a good take on what she feels about him. It's obvious that a part of her wishes that she had the strength and confidence to believe in herself like that. She's not yet to that point but we know that someday she'll be able to get there. She just has to find some people that believe in her so that she can realize that she's had the ability to believe in herself all along.

#natasha in space #ask #character analysis #jaehee kang #kang jaehee #saeran choi #choi saeran #ge saeran #saeray #saeran #mod kait #mm #mysme #mysticmessenger #mystic messenger

31 notes · View notes

boom-fanfic-a-latta · 9 months

Note

ok something I will warn about revelation though (since it is the most mediocre episode in the season as far as I've watched. Again, this season's full of banger episodes, this is just like the one exception and I'm sad it's like I think important-):

Istg why didn't they properly address the fact that Alya knows that Marinette is Ladybug and Lila claimed to be best friends with Ladybug. Like. Alya you know that Marinette/actually Ladybug despises Lila. You know that. You know her. YOU'RE her best friend. Like i know as a teenager myself we aren't always the sharpest tools in the shed but I feel like this is a bit too obvious for her to not even acknowledge. Or for Marinette to not even bring up. Like why isn't Mari pointing that out either.

Also I just wish she'd like. Just tell people about how Lila literally threatened her. Like just tell Alya about that come on girl tell her what Lila said-

(Ok with the latter one I'm guessing since Marinette is like. Very anxious and stuff she might just be too paranoid about the possibility of Alya thinking that SHE'S lying about it [even if that's probably not what would happen I know from experience that paranoia doesn't exactly stem from intelligence and rationale-] to say anything about it. Like especially back in Season 3 where Alya didn't yet know that she's Ladybug. and by the time Season 4 Gang of Secrets happens Lila hasn't really been doing much so she probably wasn't at the forefront of Mari's mind. And then going into Season 5 it's probably just been so long that she'd think Alya would doubt her 'cus "if it happened that long ago then why didn't you tell me sooner?/why are you only telling me this now?" And- again I don't think Alya would assume she's a lying bxtch or anything, she'd probably assume it was an akuma pretending to be Lila first or that Lila had already been akumatized or something, but. Yeah, again, paranoia and stuff-)

Though thinking back on it I kinda like how Hoaxer as an akuma is like. basically the show version of the dumb way some salt fics act like Lila could just say literally anything and no matter how stupid people would believe it without question. So that's literally what Hoaxer's power is. Including that one thing I saw pop up a few times in fanfics where she lies about Marinette being Hawk Moth/Shadow Moth/Monarch. Like she literally does that exact lie and the only reason people believe it is because her powers are literally mind control stuff. So yeah that was clever I liked that-

(Tbh a lot of stuff about that episode felt like it was basically just. Looking at salt fics and saying "this is what would actually happen in the show with these scenarios" and as someone who generally dislikes salt fics that's kinda. Idk, cathartic? I'm just sad at the lack of Alya realizing Lila is a piece of shxt who threatened her best friend but then again I feel like if that happened then Alya probably would've been the one to get akumatized and that would've been a game over I think considering she knows who Ladybug is XD would be cool if they did like a cat blanc or ephemeral kind of episode on that concept though, maybe give Marinette a little more trauma making her think that if she ever exposes Lila then that'll lead to the end of the world and she'll just have to live thinking this and-

I like subjecting my blorbos to the horrors I'm sorry-)

Tbh I think a lot of my opinions on the episode may just be tainted by the fact that seeing lying in fiction upsets me when I don't know for sure the liar is gonna be outed by the end. Which isn't a fault with the episode it's just a personal thing. So idk if I'm judging the episode right or not it may be better than I had thought especially looking back on it like this and just thinking about the aspects I did like-

though again I also just. Hate like everything they've done with Chloe and that includes this episode and Lila's campaign in it-

the stuff that happened toward the end of the episode with Marinette resigning as class rep seemingly with the idea that Lila having that position will lead to her exposing herself (?) has me hooked tho-

also just. All the stuff with Nathalie-

man you have a lot of thoughts

3 notes · View notes

starwberycow · 1 year

Text

Man why can’t I have the fucking cartoon high schooler dream. It seems so fun like vandalising shit, gunning around a forest and doing something dangerous and saying some corny shit like “what would I do without you guys” or “your like the family I never had/always needed” . Like why is it so hard to be a semi confident teen that people like and only kinda judge for silly things rather than the things I’m interested in.

Every time I watch a show with teens I just get a reality check of, omg you have no confidence hate yourself, let’s no even get into your family issues, I’m anxious and paranoid for no reason and I have such little motivation that I would rather sit in my bed and waste away only to get out for my dogs. My brother has more of a social life than I do more friends he can be him around other people without planning out whole conversations and bullshit until people like just enough to tolerate me but not want to be my friend.

I want to be confident enough to socialise comfortably. Even with my closest friends I stress and worry that I’ve said something wrong they are going to leave me once I do something wrong. When talking to people I copy what they do. I have a rehearsed plan on how I ask certain teachers for help or how to talk to the school nurse so I don’t seem stupid. Even my own family I do this. I copy expressions my brother says and any form of media they like I copy that. I try to be likes and for people to at least tolerate talking to me.

I also hate no being able to hang out with friends because I stress is much that I’m going to miss stuff. I’ve been away for a week and I feel like I’ve missed months with them and I’m going to come back and they aren’t going to talk to me because I’ve missed shit. And it’s been so much worse because I’ve meet new people (through my 2 friends which agian is sad) and I’m worried because they have been hanging out and I have meet them once because I haven’t been able to go to stuff. I had a panic attack over new years because I didn’t want to miss anything. I was so stressed over people I’ve meet once or twice that I was fully willing to ditch my family.

I feel like a piece of shit because I don’t have a job and have to leach off my mum, I haven’t done my drivers test even tho I’m old enough, I can’t properly talk to people. I get so paranoid that I panic and lie, I hate that all my interest no one I know has any interest and because I struggle to socialise I can’t even talk about stuff online, I over think that people I know will find out and it will be spread around school and it will effect my brother. I mean not even my family knows my interests because every time I go to talk I get shut down by my brother. So instead I don’t talk to anyone cause I’m scared to be shut down. And my parents never seem interested. My mum is never intereted and zones out mid convo and my dad only cares to prove something to my mum but can’t even get me a meaningful gift. Which sound self centred and it is but I just want one gift from him that matters even a fucking apology

Jesus Christ I got side tracked

1 note · View note

sionnaigh · 11 months

Text

“While a best friend can be an FP, it’s usually so much more than that… a favorite person is someone you have an emotional dependence on, who can ‘make or break’ your day.” [20] “You place the responsibility of your happiness onto them. They can make you feel on top of the world, or in the deepest pit depending on whether they are paying attention to you or not.” [21]

“The only thing is it feels SO much like I love him… I keep telling myself how I feel for my FP isn’t real, but hell does it feel like it is. It’s a very confusing place to be in.” [22]

“It’s not really your choice. And, to be fair, it isn’t the other person’s choice either… it takes a lot for someone to suddenly stop seeing you as their FP.” [22] “That’s a scary and difficult role to take on, especially unwillingly… I want you to understand the position that I have involuntarily put you in…” [25]

Individuals with BPD commonly describe FPs as someone caring, sympathetic and understanding, and so on. FPs are always there and reassure them when asked. FPs accept those with BPD as they are so that the latter feel free and express themselves around their FPs without fearing being judged and feeling like a burden. Their FP is a good listener, easy to talk to, and takes the time to understand and make them feel better, always being supportive.

“First, the person has to be sympathetic and understanding. Second, I have to feel like they get me. Third, we need to have emotional things in common.” [26]

Because FP is someone who the person with BPD feels stable and safe with, who is more likely to calm them down than fight back when they get emotional, they often get to the point where they believe their FP would rescue them. The more time they spend together, the more obsessed the individual with BPD becomes.

“It’s like they are all I need, like my life is complete as long as they are constantly giving me attention…feel like I am totally worthless unless someone is validating me. I have it with all my friends and my wife to an extent, but it’s worse with an FP.” [26]

The way FPs behave—constantly giving attention, validating and reassuring whenever they are asked—unfortunately, makes BPD symptoms worse, especially when they are not around. Individuals with BPD have to deal with intense jealousy, for example, when their FP spends time with other friends or does not answer their calls or messages immediately. While people with BPD need constant attention from their FP, they tend to internally analyze their interactions, looking for signs of rejection. Even though they know that their FP has the right to see other people and have alone time, they still consider that their FP is trying to drift away and no longer cares about them.

“It’s hard for me to tell myself that your world doesn’t revolve around me, … not hearing from you makes me anxious and paranoid, thinking you decided to abandon me…” [25]

Whether intended or not, FPs know how to comfort their person with BPD and reassure that they are not leaving, which reinforces these insecure attachment patterns. Those with BPD struggle with what is known as “splitting” on their FP, constantly shifting between idealization and devaluation; the shifting goes between these two extremes. When they are in the idealization phase, their emotional attachment toward their FP is strengthened. However, when their FP fails to fulfill their expectations, they are immediately devalued, causing anxiety and depression, sometimes anger and panic attacks.

Individuals with BPD keep actively trying to be accepted by their FP and fit completely into their FP’s life. For example, they tend to gradually change who they are, what they like or dislike, and the way they behave, trying to become like their FP. FPs are expected to be entirely honest with them and constantly let them know that they do not mean to cause any misunderstanding that could upset them.

“The loss of them is so much to bear that we would do almost anything to keep them. A changing self-identity is a symptom… very present within FP relationships.” [23] “You promise me you’ll never leave… I ask you at least once a day if our friendship is OK… You remind me that I mean as much to you as you mean to me.” [30]

The FP–BPD relationship often gets worse with time, as the person with BPD needs more attention and validation from their FP to get the same feeling of being cared for.

“My BPD thrived on her attention. The more attention she gave me, the more I got hooked on it and the more attention I needed to get the same “high” I felt.” [31]

The relationship gets to the point where it stops being a good friendship and turns toxic and destructive. Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.

“[They’re] like my drug. Whenever I get their attention, I’m happy for a while. But when I don’t, it’s like the world’s falling apart…” [20] “I have other friends, …but things were healthier. I didn’t rely on them the way I did with my FP, … I was happy not to have that intense bond with anyone else.” [33]

#bpd #personal #reminder I'm not alone :)

0 notes

beckface · 2 years

Note

What would your ideal DTB turning back into Steven fic be like?

I wrote some stuff already about this here but why not I wanna add more

-At first Becky doesn’t know if Reformed!Steven remembers her secret identity (in this case previous Steven did already know)

-He does remember but he lies about knowing, assuming that she wouldn’t want him to know anymore

-While it’s still early after changing back he’s not himself, and it takes him sometimes to heal and become confident in his identity again

-He’s never quite previous Steven OR Twobrains again, but he keeps his core personality

-As she gets older Becky deals with more identity issues and Steven is really the only one who understands

-Scoops interviews him but Steven’s weird and paranoid the whole time and keeps making quips every time Scoops tries to talk

-Violet hates him, like hates him at first because she’s protective of Becky and, from her pov, he’s been fucking with Becky’s head since day 1. Becky tries to reason with Violet but she’s nothing if not stubborn in her beliefs.

-Becky keeps trying to get everyone to accept Steven back though (harder than he’s trying honestly) and Violet just explodes at him one day. After that he’s open and honest about how he regrets hurting his friend, but what’s done is done, and he’s doing everything he can now to fix it. They come to a sort of understanding

-At some point Violet’s mom starts teaching Steven yoga and enforces a healthier lifestyle on him

-I really like Botsford family angst because we can’t have nice things in this house, and I specifically like the idea that Steven just gets a lot of parts of Becky that her family doesn’t, between having known her as the authentic Wordgirl, having known her without any hidden identities, being similar to her in a lot of academic ways and even humor, and having been her teacher and estranged mentor figure, he knows how to talk to her in a very particular way that connects with her, and it causes some insecurities for her parents.

-After revealing her secret identity as WG to her family (just judging based on how they reacted in Twobrains Forgets) I feel like her parents will just start letting her get away with more and won’t exactly parent her as much, and maybe even start treating her like a spectacle instead of their child unconsciously. The Botsfords get excited easily and don’t always consider the implications of their actions.

-This would absolutely make Becky anxious and overthink, and maybe she even tries to act out to get them to treat her normal again

-What if her family is even a little scared of her now

-Imagining a scene where WG is having a kid moment, just kindof being a bit of a brat, and Steven who’s over for dinner or something is the one that scolds her in that sarcastic deadpan “you know what you’re doing” tone he uses in the show when he’s all fed up, while her parents, who have just been not giving her any structure because they assume that since she’s an alien superhero she didn’t really need it, consider that maybe they need to reconnect with their daughter and learn who she is in her entirety, and not just see her as either Becky or Wordgirl.

-I went on a bit of a tangent but okay moving on

-Give. Steven. An ex. Husband. Do it. Don’t be a coward. You know you want to. (this is gonna be it’s own section of backstory and meeting wg feel free to skip if you’re not interested)

•

-And now MAKE that ex husband’s story be that og!Steven was always doing dangerous experiments that kept ALMOST hurting him and the people around him

-The ex husband upset at og!Steven for this and it causes issues in their relationship, but he doesn’t bring it up until the couple were thinking of adopting a baby.

-The ex is like “you need to stop, I want to have a family with you! I want us to have a LIFE together!”

-og!Steven can’t bring himself to stop though, and thinks he’ll be able to start doing safer experiments, or Once he just finishes this one project he’ll stop for sure!

-The couple get really excited and imagine a life together with their possible new child

-og!Steven has the best intentions, but one of his experiments happens to blow up during the house inspection. The adoption falls though. The couple “take a break” from eachother, both heartbroken

-Steven moves to the next city over for a fresh start, Fair City, to try and make something of himself, to prove that he didn’t lose the love of his life and their future family in vain

-He gets a job as a part-time college professor to pay the rent, and buys a little lab for himself that he stays in. He does his best to stay positive though and throws himself into his work, excitedly deciding his next big project (he keeps getting distracted by new ideas though and can’t pick just one thing)

-while mourning over the loss of his hypothetical child guess who he meets :D thats right I can’t stay away from dadbrains for five seconds

-Little five-year old superhero girl crashes through his office, quickly followed by a monkey. Some old lady in a jetpack flys away cackling with a sack of money, and he expects the girl to leave (he’s met a few superheros in his time and they’re pretty indifferent about property destruction)

-She lets the old lady get away though, and apologizes all embarrassed about his lab, she even calls him “sir” all respectfully, and superspeed helps him clean up best she can. It’s messy clean up though, like how a normal little kid would clean their room. He is immediately smitten

-Wordgirl explains that this villain, Granny May, just got a new jetpack that allows her to fly and makes her extra physically tough. Steven helps her think of a way to dismantle the jetpack, and they work together to build a device to defeat her. Steven is having a lot of fun having a lab buddy while inventing, and the kid seems to be enjoying the mental exercise too.

-He finishes it faster then he usually finishes projects, because she helps him stay focused on the task

-Wg looks at him after the defeat and says they make a pretty good team with pure joy in her eyes. Steven feels like she’s his second chance.

-They agree to keep working together and a brand new friendship is born! How wholesome! Nothing bad will ever happen to it I bet!

-After she goes home, Steven goes back to planning his next big project. He thinks about the monkey guy, Wordgirl’s sidekick. It was mildly irritating that she kept having to translate Huggy’s words for Steven, if only there was a device that let humans and animals communicate without her help…

—-

-Okay on the ex-husband note after he changes to Twobrains the guy comes back and is like “Steven… what have you become” and they divorce for good. Steven hasn’t seen him since.

-Maybe they can make up, maybe they can not, but what’s important is that while visiting his family, Steven takes Becky out on a shopping trip to go get food and runs into him

-The guy sees Steven, and sees that he got rid of the mousebrain, and sees that he looks highkey like a mess, and is just like “…you’re back.” THEN he notices that Becky’s holding his hand because she’s 12 and I can do what I want, and thinks that he adopted her, even after all of what the couple went through with the previous adoption falling, and assumes that Becky’s in some kind of danger because of Steven’s experiments

-This leads to some passive aggressive quips which leads to a screaming match in the store

“You ruined our chance at a life together!”

“You left me when I needed you the most!”

-Everyones just awkwardly staring until Becky steps in to 1) correct the guy that she’s not Steven’s daughter, and 2) defend Steven and explain the situation better

-Healing!! More healing!!! Yayyyy healing!! Becky invites the ex husband over for dinner after she calms down the fight, even though it’s not her house or her family, because she has ALL the audacity (love her) and it’s awkward and passive aggressive at first but they eventually talk about their lives together and hug and cry and apologize

-They CAN get back together if you want but for me they’re just going to form a somewhat confusing and rocky friendship and move on to be with other people :D (too many good TB ships for him to end up with what i’m now realizing is just an unnamed oc created purely for character development) The ex does get close to Becky and him and Steven have a weird little platonic parenting relationship around her. He also stayed close with Steven’s family and they all kinda supported eachother when Steven went mouse

•

-Wow that went on wayyy too long but anyways summary; Steven has ex husband drama because I need to make either him or Becky sad or I will EXPLODE

-Moving on to the “Steven needs therapy” section

-Steven keeps Squeaky’s skull around. You know. For shits n giggles. Sometimes he stares at it like it’s talking to him. Something is very very wrong with this man.

-Steven takes up art with encouragement from Violet’s mom. We’ve seen he’s a generally good cartoonist, so I can imagine he’s all around decent at art. Half the time he makes these cute little portraits of people he cares about, and half the time he makes these like, You know those pictures that are captioned with “this was painted by someone with (insert mental illness)”? Yeah those, except they’re creepy mouse themed.

-I just enjoy imagining Squeaky depicted like the nowhere king from centaurworld if anyone knows what i’m on about

-He has a personal vendetta against Mickey Mouse and everyone BEGS him to chill the fuck out about it. Mr. Big is annoyed because he can’t invest stock in Disney anymore or else Steven will hunt him down

-One time Becky came over and could have SWORN she saw Steven eating something that looked like a rat and she just agreed with herself to forget that ever happened

-Steven is weird around cats and cats are weird around Steven it’s like a mutual agreement to avoid each other between this one guy and every single cat in the world

-Steven has phantom migraines a lot, the only thing that really helps is just taking his mind off of it

-he wont even TOUCH any animal-based experiment ideas anymore

-He and Becky like to exchange theories about Lexicon, especially after interactions with both Miss Power and Kid Math

-Kid Math tells steven everything he knows about Hexagon and Lexicon, Steven starts a new book about Hexagon and gets new pages for his Lexicon journel

-He gives Becky back a really old unicorn plushie that she left at his lab YEARRRRS ago, BEFORE twobrains, that he never managed to give back to her before as some sort of preservation of their previous relationship

-Becky finds this sweet and tears up, before saying it’s kind of funny because thats exactly why she reread “Superheroes and You” all the time

-She makes him watch Pretty Princess. He pretends to not get into it. His favorite character is the Pony (Miss Power episode revealed how dead inside that goddamn pony is Steven/Twobrains would ABSOLUTELY love him)

-Despite all the mental turmoil he’s dealing with, everything is okay.

#wordgirl #dr two brains #becky botsford #ask #hc/au #Violet Heaslip #doctor two brains #steven boxleitner #Boxleitner’s Return

75 notes · View notes

animeyanderelover · 3 years

Note

Hey uhh I really liked the Killua with ADHD s/o so... Ciel, Levi, Hange, Shaiapouf and Meruem, with ADHD reader (in the form of headcanons) .. also take your time :)

Wow, not gonna lie. I was already happy when I finally got to write something about the Chimera Ants already once. But to be able to write about a few of them again. I apologize if I didn’t get something accurate.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, possessiveness, threatening, degrading, delusions, ADHD, violence, brutal behavior, killing

ADHD: ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, a complex brain disorder. ADHD is a development impairment of the brain’s executive functions. It causes trouble with impulse-control, focusing and organization.

s/o has ADHD

Ciel Phantomhive

☕️Ciel isn't the best nor is he the worst to have with his darling having ADHD. He doesn't hate you for it, he knows you can't do anything against it since it's not your fault. You were just born with it and there's nothing you could have done. So he does try to be as understanding and patient with you as possible. But keep in mind that Ciel can get rather easily annoyed if his buttons are pushed the right way. So I feel like if he realizes that he's near his limit, he would somewhat push you away and let Sebastian or the other servants deal with you. This might hurt your feelings, but Ciel is actually frightened that he'll say something hurtful to you and for that leaves you. Would later on apologize and try to make it up to you. He himself isn't very familiar with ADHD, but is a smart boy and has his demon butler with him.

☕If you should tend to lose motivation and focus quickly, lose your things and don't seem to listen too someone when being talked to then you actually don't have to worry too much. Because Sebastian and the servants will do anything for you, meaning you don't have to worry about being forced to do cores. You losing things can of course annoy Ciel, especially if they were expensive or he needed them himself. Luckily his butler finds them always quickly. He would grow definitely a lot more controlling over his s/o because they keep forgetting things, leading him to scheduling out their whole day from the moment they wake up to the moment they go back to bed. Ciel also tries to not make you focus on something too long since you lose quickly interest. It's agitating in a way for him since he hates it when he gets the feeling that you don't pay attention to him, but he reminds himself that you can't do anything against it.

☕If you should be the more hyperactive one, Ciel will definitely have to leave you very often alone. Ciel isn't good with very energetic and loud people since he's constantly surrounded by such persons. He really does extend his string of patience a lot with you, but he feels kind of insulted whenever you suddenly blurt in when he's talking. Also nearly goes crazy whenever you can't sit still for a minute somewhere, tapping your feet and playing with your fingers. Your hyperactivity exhausts him and the only reason he puts up with it without lashing out on you is because you can't do anything against it and because he loves you. Hates leaving you alone because he's afraid that you'll climb up somewhere or touch some weapons or things which might hurt you. So whilst it makes him tick off, he will have you stick near him very often and if he needs to calm down, he'll order Sebastian to watch over you since that guy's the most capable of handling you.

☕Reputation is important for Ciel and as arrogant this may sound, feel like he wouldn't tell many people about you since he doesn't want to be judged for being in love with someone many nobles would describe as 'unsuitable'. He can gladly pass on the whole 'You-could-have-chosen-better' talk. A less selfish reason is that he is due to the way you are incredibly overprotective of you. Next to being a bit embarassed, he understands that you would probably not want to hear others talking trash about you. He lives in a very difficult time where people were more judging than they might be today. This openmindness wasn't as present as today and behavior was especially under people from higher society very important. Ciel knows that and it leads him to shielding you from the outside world.

☕I feel like the people in the manor are all really open-minded and would accept you open-heartedly which will lift a bit weight from Ciel's shoulders. Sebastian has infinite patience and Bardroy, Tanaka, Mey-Rin and Finny just really like his darling. It gives Ciel the feeling that he can trust and rely on them and whilst he definitely keeps a sharp eye on the human servants since they tend to be more clumsy which might end in an accident. After Sebastian Tanaka might be the most trusted, that is if he is in his real form. This gives Ciel a sense of ease because when he hurt you unintended, he knows he can count on them to be there for you and comfort you. Mey-Rin, Finny, Bardroy and Tanaka will over time grow just as their master overprotective over you.

Shaiapouf

🎻Here we have to keep in mind that Shaiapouf changed his type and behavior for his darling. I think during the first time when he was a stricter Yandere, he had a harder time dealing with this. Because back then it was all about perfection for Shaiapouf and this was somewhat of a flaw his darling had. After reading a whole day books about it, he did get that his s/o didn't choose to be this way, but it led him to being a bit harsh on them neverthless. When he reached the point of total adoration and devotion, that changed of course and all of a sudden, his view on all of this changed. It wasn't any longer a flaw, it was a unique trait his royalty had and Shaiapouf swore to himself to treat them like a loyal servant should.

🎻During the first stage he definitely tended to be very controlling, probably even forcing you into doing things even when you lost focus and/or motivation. At that time Shaiapouf just had very high expectations for you and you just happened to go against his perfect and ideal picture he had in mind. He forced you to educate yourself better, he forced you into learning the violin or another instrument, all because this perfect image of you was stuck in his head. And he scolded you every time he noticed that you stopped doing it once again. It was definitely not an easy time. So when he entered his worshipper mode it is most likely a huge relief for his darling. Because now he doesn't care about all of this anymore, the only thing he is focused on is protecting his king/queen and keep them happy. Now he doesn't lash out when you lose your things or seem to not listen to him. He's past total devotion and infatuation and due to his never-ending amount of patience with you a lot easier to be with. You don't have to move a finger anymore because he insists on doing anything for you now.

🎻The stricter version of him also wouldn't tolerate it if you should be too energetic, keep interrupting him or can't sit still without somehow move your limps or even do indecent things. He always tries to keep in mind that it's somewhat of a sickness, but for him it was then all about manners and good behavior and so he did try to forcefully change your way of being, always scolding you and trying to teach you how to act properly. For a worshipper Shaiapouf this is a no-go and even thinking back on how he even dared to think that he had the authority to try to change his already and always perfect majesty has him devastatedly sobbing. HOW DARE HE?! Now he honestly doesn't care anymore when you interrupt him, constantly act energetic or even scream at him in excitement. He's obsessive and due to that tends to focus really intensely on your behavior, he's beyond relieved that he didn't damage you with his previous way of acting. His majesty shouldn't change because of him. The only thing that makes him badly paranoid is when you act a bit too reckless which might end with you getting hurt. This makes Shaiapouf always fly panicked to you, preventing you from doing whatever you were about to do and try to coax you into doing something where he knows you won't get hurt.

🎻He used to somewhat degrade you and make you feel bad about yourself before too, inveighing constantly that you should and could do better if you would just try a bit harder. It has him going on a crying rampage later on because even thinking about how he used to say those words at you and not caring when you looked hurt at him inflicts an unbelievable amount of pain onto him. If he should ever even think that you still resent him for it, you have him kneeling in front of you whilst sobbing and begging for forgiveness even though he knows he doesn't deserve it. That's the exact reason he is even more anxious of ever letting you under humans again. He's frightened that they will not only kill you, but also talk down to you because of your ADHD. It gives him nasty heart attacks all the time and if he should ever find out that there was someone in your old hometown that bullied you because of this, he will remove named disgrace shortly after because it makes him absolutely furious when he hears that someone didn't respects and worships you the way he does. Blames also himself for not making you feel worthy enough if you yourself should think lowly of yourself.

🎻You all can probably guess it, but after becoming a worshipper, it will become a lot more easier for the s/o to endure life a bit better with Shaiapouf because now he doesn't see their ADHD as a flaw anymore, but as a special trait that has to be adored and protected. He will do now about anything and everything for you. Shaiapouf is in this case even more dependent on your approval because he's horrified of how unworthy he used to treat you and misreads things constantly, instantly blaming it on how he used to be. It can be as much as you reacting a bit too late to him because you weren't focused and then you already have him crying. He's still a lot to deal with, but it's better for your mental health to not be discriminated for your ADHD anymore and being told that you could do better.

Meruem

👑Just like Pouf, he had a change in his overall behavior which needs to be looked over. Let's just say that at first he was totally terrifying with dealing and accepting it. Different from Pouf he's the type to blame you for this even if you really couldn't do anything about it. It's a dangerous gamble in here because he used to expect total obedience and behavior from you and annoying him or going against his wishes ended with him hurting and scaring you on a daily base. After he had his transformation to a slightly better Yandere, he became totally fascinated with this, suddenly being interested a lot more about ADHD and informing himself properly.

👑It won't go well if you don't stay focused whilst he is doing something with you or he gets the impression that you don't listen when he's talking to you. It ends with him talking terribly down to you, pocking cruel fun at you for being so stubborn, dumb and weak and can even end with him hurting you physically when he's had enough. Later on he would be still somewhat grumpy and annoyed whenever you forget things or lose focus and don't listen to him. But now he came to the terms of accepting that this isn't your fault to start with and for that won't lash out on you anymore. He just checks on you and makes sure that you don't forget to look after your own health.

👑Being loud and interrupting others because you can't wait for your turn might be even worse than being unfocused and forgetful in here. Meruem is a king, you have to treat him like one and obey him. And being all impatient, not letting him finish his sentences and even yelling at him is such a huge sign of disrespect that Meruem used to think that you are either out of your mind or have a death wish. It ended so often with you crying afterwards, either because he had terrorized you or really hurt you. That changed of course later on, he still was somewhat annoyed by all of this, but now he just tends to clamp a hand over your mouth when he realizes that you're about to suddenly start speaking again. He doesn't like being interrupted. He proves to have more tolerance with you constantly being hyped up and even expects his royal guards, execept Pouf, to be ready to troll around with you when you seem too energetic. Since he knows that you can be very careless, he never lets you leave his sight, especially when his butterfly servant or another chimera ant is around.

👑He honestly used to be the worst when it came to talking bad to you and about you. He called you weak, pathetic, useless and many other things. He just thought that you should be grateful for him to even keep you since you were a sore for his eyes to see. But he also saw himself at that time as the only one who was allowed to talk like this, ending in him killing everyone who did the same. He owned you and only he had the right to do this to you. That changed after he softened up. Now he kills everyone who talks bad about you because he cares and I believe Shaiapouf might just really get himself killed because he simply does not see you as a worthy partner for his king.

👑Neferpitou and Youpi adore you and whilst Meruem is on alert whenever they are near you, it's nothing compared to hen Pouf is with you in the room. Meruem will never, NEVER, trust this guy when he's near you. The only person he really trusts you around is Komugi, since he cares about her as well and since Komugi never judges you to begin with. He feels sorry if he should have left any sort of trauma on you because he used to try to really break you so you would finally behave. That makes him really careful when he's now acting around you because he's somewhat worried he'll break you if he isn't gentle enough with you.

Hanji/Hange Zoë

🔬Hanji is someone who doesn't care about this at all. They're incredibly open-minded with everything and tend to be very special and peculiar in their own sense. Similar to their fascination with Titans, they will suddenly become to an unhealthy extent curious about ADHD, staying up nights to read books and maybe even ask people who know someone who has this disorder. It adds oddly up to their obsession they have with you and whenever you do something that is connected to this, they get scarily interested about it. Their interest about ADHD would go because of their darling from zero to thousand in only a short amount of time.

🔬Hange doesn't mind it that much if you don't really pay attention to things even though it can be a bit embarassing from time to time since they tend to start rambling exitedly about things only to realize a lot more later that you stopped listening ages ago. But Hange isn't someone who gets discouraged very easily and won't blame you for it. They are very lenient when it comes to you forgetting things, since they are a bit like you in that matter, even though they only forget things which aren't important for them. Also shows a lot of tolerance when you keep forgetting to do your cores or just lose motivation in it. They are also on the messier and forgetful side when it comes to taking care of themself. But what counts for them, doesn't count for you so the moment they thing you start lacking to look after your own health or the conditions you live in because of your laziness become too extreme, they will step in and help you with cleaning up. Whilst trying to keep you as motivated for as long as possible, they won't be angry or disappointed if they have to do it alone because you lost motivation.

🔬If you should show symptoms of hyperactivity and too much enthusiasm and excitement, you're a match made in heaven for Hanji, even though Levi tends to call you two a match made in hell because now he has to endure two of you. But honestly, Hanji shows a lot of similarities in this case. They can be really thrilled and driven by an invisible motor as well, not to mention that if they're too excited about something, they tend to cut people off before they finished speaking as well. But they do know when to stay quiet or become more serious whilst you don't, but it isn't like Hanji gets ever annoyed or angry with you. They find it even quite endearing since you remind them so much of themself. For the most part they will let you be, even though definitely stopping you when realizing that you're about to get too reckless. I can see them as even being the type of person who will be all excited with you together and do stupid things together. Not only because they just really enjoy being silly together, but also to look after you.

🔬They're not surprisingly very much angered whenever someone makes a wrong comment about their darling's way of acting around. Hange knows that people tend to get annoyed with heir darling and even see them as a nuisance. And that makes them mad. They really have no tolerance for such people who think they can judge someone without even knowing how they feel. And it's their darling we're talking about after all which makes them even more furious. Even Levi has to be a bit more careful. Hange definitely shows a lot more patience with him, Erwin and people they're close too, but even here they can become eerily quiet the moment someone says something too extreme or they notice that you're hurt. Whilst not caring what other people, except their darling, think about them, they care very much when it comes to whether people think bad about their s/o or not. Especially if you should feel insecure they would be a lot more on alert.

🔬Hanji's acceptance is a good thing to have since they don't judge you or get annoyed with you being like you are. They want you to be yourself after all. They don't baby you like many others, but it does lead to them becoming a bit more clingy, especially if you're the hyperactive type. If you don't live together with them, they always pop up very often to check if they have to help you a bit or not. Also has this odd quirk of making notes about your behavior because at this point it's safe to say that they reached the point of unhealthy obsessiveness, everything you do is being absobered by them. It's a bit unhinging to witness, but it makes it easier for Hanji to deal with your behavior even better since they know at some point what to expect and how to counter if it might endanger you. One thing, you're not going to be scout under any means because Hanji totally fears that either you'll lose focus or get too overxcited, and not in a good way.

Levi Ackerman

⚔️At the beginning it might be a bit more hard for Levi to adjust to all of this. Given the fact that he's obsessive and collects rapidly informations about you, he'll find out about this very early on, talking to neighbours, your friends and other people you're familiar with. And of course he'll start informing himself about all of this, but he has just a short string of patience and is easy to annoy. He knows he really can't let his ire out on you since you can't do anything about it, but sometimes your behavior just really tugs on his nerves since he isn't the best with people who are either unfocused or too active for their own good. So similar to Ciel at the beginning he might distance himself out of fear to say something too harsh to you. He doesn't want to scare you.

⚔️Levi would step in a lot into your private life if you should keep forgetting to clean up a lot and lose daily things. Neglecting hygiene, tidiness and maybe even your own health is such a huge red cross for him. He would be definitely a lot more controlling than usual and come over everyday to check on you and the condition your house is in. And if he thinks it isn't cleaned up? Guess who's staying for a bit longer to wash and scrub, doing your laundry and organizing your things? He might even try due to that to speed things up to get you to move in with him quicker so he can really make sure that you will never forget about such important things again. I can funnily see him as someone who won't be as mad as some people might think he would be. He's of course pissed that you either forget to look after the house and you or just lack motivation, but it gets attenuated due to him knowing that you don't do it because you're really lazy or because you aren't interested in it. He will still try to push you into at least helping a bit, but he can and will play the role of the housewife. Prefers it maybe even that way since he gets things done like he wants too.

⚔️With a more pumped up darling he will have troubles at first. It isn't like he isn't used to such people, he knows quite a few of those. But with his s/o this is just a bit of a different story since he really tries to avoid being harsh or mean to them which he would have been normally with those kind of persons. He might seek some advice from Hange since he knows that he is not the best when it comes to being patient. He might even let you spend time with them when he gets a bit overwhelmed with your energy since despite being annoyed with them most of the time, Levi trusts them. He would be gone for a bit to collect his thoughts before coming back with his emotions having calmed down. Will with time however learn how to deal with you being all bubbly and hyped. But he also will definitely watch over you more carefully since due to your too active personality you tend to do things that might be dangerous. It's one of the reasons he often gets mad at Hanji when he has to leave you alone. They are willing to do such things with you which triggers his overprotective side a lot.

⚔️Disrespectful brats aren't tolerated from him in all scenarios. But when it comes to disrespecting his darling, his reaction is definitely the most intense one. Whilst Levi admits that he himself struggles sometimes and finds himself annoyed by this, he would never insult you on purpose and if he does he apologizes later on. There's of course a difference between just pointing something out or really being mean with the intention to be. Levi can tell which is which and will act accordingly. He doesn't say anything if someone just points something out with the intention of wanting to be friendly since he's like this as well. But if someone insults you or pokes fun at you that's a different story in which Levi will shove someone's face into the dirt with demanding an apology. Would be a bit nagging when you seem to get discouraged very easily, complaining that you're too sensitive, but would still be in the end always comfort you when you're down.

⚔️Will literally not let you do anything dangerous since he's worried you'll lose focus and hurt yourself because you aren't careful enough. If you should even mention that you want to be a scout or anything like this, you'll have him instantly being over you and ordering you to stop thinking such a ridiculous thing. Levi tends to overthink everything a bit due to you having ADHD. Hange is probably the person he's the most calm around when with you since he knows that they are the last person who would judge you and from all persons he knows, he just has the most trust in them even though he tends to give them a rather long and harsh lecture whenever they tried something stupid with you.

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere ciel #yandere ciel phantomhive #yandere attack on titan #yandere aot #yandere shingeki no kyojin #yandere snk #yandere hanji #yandere hange #yandere hanji zoë #yandere hange zoë #yandere levi #yandere levi ackerman #yandere hunter x hunter #yandere hxh #yandere shaiapouf #yandere meruem

316 notes · View notes

amphibious-entity · 3 years

Text

TMBS Book 1 Brain Dump

~An Embarrassingly Long Post~

I don’t know why I’m writing this or why I’m so determined to do it. Maybe to finally assume my true form and become a mega dork on main, or maybe just for fun!

This is basically a compilation of all the main points running through my head after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society (2007) for the first time. Rather than posting a ton and spamming the tag, everything’s here in one neat package! (hopefully this gets it all out of my system rip)

Contents:

The Book Itself

The Book Itself, for real this time

The Characters

A Funny Parallel

The S.Q. Section

Lines & Scenes I Liked

Spoilers abound!

The Book Itself

Upon acquiring the first three books (don’t judge me pls), I was surprised at just how long they are. Like, they’re still pretty light being paperbacks and all, but these books are hefty lads.

The first book has this Disney+ Original Series circle thing printed on it, which is kind of unfortunate. Regardless, I love the cover illustration and yellow is actually my favorite color :D It made me weirdly quite happy whenever I saw the book lying around in my room

Also, it’s really cute how there’s a letter from Mr. Benedict at the end! (It only reveals that you can find out his first name if you “know the code”, meaning the bit of Morse printed below the summary on the back.) Shock and horror, though, as I realized I’m starting to recognize some of the letters

The Book Itself, for real this time

It’s wonderful how the tone of the book really shone through to the show adaptation. Something about the deliberateness of the aesthetic, from the set designs to the fashion to scene compositions, that really sells that particular style— like it’s very clear that this story is being told to us, rather than one we’re seeing unfold, if that makes sense.

Where that narration style stood out to me the most was the first chapter. We are told (rather than shown) how Reynie gets himself to the point of the second test, and there’s this whole twisty time maneuver for that whole sequence of events that’s really interesting

A super secret fun fact about me is that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger! So this particular balance of show vs. tell is really neat, since it runs counter to my own tendencies. The sheer amount of commas in every sentence is also kind of comforting, since Ahah, I Do That in those few serious-ish attempts at writing lol

Overall this book’s style reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl’s books, which are very nostalgic for me :D The whole “kids are more competent than adults” angle helps a lot too haha

The Characters

Oh boy here’s where I get a little bit critical! Overall I did really like this book!! it’s just that that expresses itself in all this weird “”analysis”” lol

Reynie - much better in the books than in the show

It’s sort of a lukewarm take but I feel like show!Reynie is kind of boring? He doesn’t have a lot going on flaw-wise, and obviously since he’s the protagonist he can’t have too many weird traits or else the kids watching can’t project themselves onto him as easily

(I call it the difference between an aspirational protagonist and a vessel protagonist. Going off of the Roald Dahl vibes, think Matilda vs Charlie. show!Reynie is more of a Charlie)

Thus when we get to see him really struggle with the Whisperer and doubt himself it gives him a lot more dimension, at least in my opinion

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

Sticky - my son

I’ve long held to no one besides myself and my long suffering sister that Sticky is The Best Member of the Society

He happened to hit a lot of the Bingo squares of Stuff I Like In Characters: glasses, anxious, nice :), kind of a coward but ultimately is there for his friends, etc

For some reason I don’t talk about him nearly as much as you-know-who, but I love him just as dearly

Kate & Constance - I don’t have much to say

Kate is really interesting in this book! I like how we get to see more of her depths, in particular that one passage about her belief that she is invincible being the only thing that keeps her from falling apart? :c

Also her constant fidgeting is relatable lol

Constance is somehow a lot more tolerable in the book. I think I’m just one of those people with no patience for small children, unfortunately lol

(Some of) The Adults

It’s interesting that they had such an offscreen presence for most of the book. Giving them more time was probably one of the stronger changes of the show

However if that decision was made at the expense of the white knight scenes I think the choice should have been clear

I like the way Rhonda and Number Two are written

Milligan always on sad boy hours 😔✊

The “mill again” passage is touching but kind of messes up the pacing of the getaway, at least for me. Maybe I should read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something

Miss Perumal is much better in the show. We see so little of her in the book she doesn’t function well as an emotional anchor for Reynie, imo

The Institute Gang

Jackson and Jillson serve their purpose well, and Martina was surprising to say the least. I like the direction they took her in the show! I can’t imagine how funny it must have been to watch the tetherball subplot come out of nowhere lolol

These sections were written out of sequence, so random tidbit I couldn’t fit in The S.Q. Section: I like how he stumbles over his words. relatable

Mr. Curtain

While I think I know why they decided to not give Curtain the wheelchair in the show, we were totally robbed of Actor Tony Hale’s performance for the reveal during the final confrontation

Speaking of the wheelchair, it’s such a powerful symbol of his need for control or rather, his fear of losing it

The Contrast between him and Mr. Benedict. This point is expanded on in A Funny Parallel

Mr. Benedict

Oh boy, Mr. Benedict… How do I say this

I find it hard to trust Mr. Benedict, unfortunately

I mean to say, I do in the sense that I know he would never hurt the kids, thanks to knowing that a) this is a children’s book series and b) the meta (tumblr) states that he is really nice and lovable and stuff, but seriously. Why do the kids trust him at first?? I probably missed something somewhere

I like to think I’m an optimistic person, but unfortunately I’m also super paranoid. The premise of “a bunch of vulnerable orphans team up with a strange old man” is just so odd to me I don’t know how to explain it

I don’t know!!! I really want to trust Mr. Benedict

One of the strengths of the show is that we get to see him more often, and thus he gets to acknowledge more often that the plan is weird and that he feels really badly for putting the kids in danger and that he’s trustworthy and genuine

But his lack of presence for most of the book just makes him into something of a specter, invisible and unknowable, speaking only in riddles from across the bay

Which is why the white knight scene is so important!! I loved that scene ;-;

Because here’s an actual emotional connection! We can actually see it happening, rather than only being told that it exists

Reynie asking for advice and receiving encouragement, in words that demonstrate that Mr. Benedict actually cares about him and worries about him and agghh

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

But overall this whole issue didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all! It’s just ->

A Funny Parallel

Okay, ready for my biggest brain, hottest take ever??

Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain…. are… the same

I mean obviously not entirely, given that one is benevolent and kind and the other is… Mr. Curtain

But seriously. Genius old man seeks out children (mainly orphans) to enact a plan. Said children often end up incredibly devoted to his cause and deeply admire him this is a little flimsy

Undoubtedly that’s intentional and is supposed to show the difference between them, like some kind of cautionary tale? “Let yourself be vulnerable and let others help you, lest you turn eeeeviiillll”

I guess that’s where the aforementioned epic contrast comes in. You get Mr. Curtain, strapped into his wheelchair and hiding behind those mirrored sunglasses, terrified (but unwilling to admit it) of ever showing the tiniest hint of vulnerability, vs. Mr. Benedict, who can let himself fall knowing that someone will catch him :’)

Anyhow I have nothing against the parallels, I just think it’s funny

The S.Q. Section

The S.Q. Quarantine Thread so it doesn’t leak out everywhere else <3

I’d like to meet the emo angstlord genius who read this book and decided to make SQ into Dr. Curtain’s son. What in the world

Okay I should probably preface this by saying that I absolutely adore both book!S.Q. and show!SQ with all my heart. Somehow, despite being a completely different character in both mediums, he has managed to be one of the best characters in either and certainly one of my favorites (besides Sticky of course) in the entire franchise, despite the fact that I’ve only read the first book/watched the show so far. I am confident in this statement.

But seriously! How?? Why?? I could probably write a whole other essay about why show!SQ is such an interesting character, and the change works so incredibly well. I’m just. Baffled

Okay, focus. book!S.Q. is such a sweetheart, oh my goodness. Like, 100% one of the most endearing characters in the book. Poor guy. I don’t even know where to start!!

He just seems to be a genuinely good guy at heart, despite being technically one of the bad guys. He’s genuinely happy for Reynie and Sticky when they became Messengers and helped Kate when she “fell” and was concerned about Constance when she looked sick and how he was in that meeting with Mr. Curtain and Martina?!!? aaahhhhghgh ;-; he just wants people to be happy TT-TT

Comparing him against literally every character at the Institute is probably what makes him so endearing tbh. When everyone else is so awful to the kids, it really makes him stand out. Like a cheerful little nightlight in the worst, most humid and rank bathroom you’ve ever been in

It’s kind of pointless to theorize about a book series that’s already concluded (I think?) but. Is the implication of S.Q.’s forgetfulness supposed to be that Mr. Curtain used him in brainsweeping experiments somehow? The timeline probably definitely absolutely doesn’t line up but like. How did he get to being a Messenger being the way he is now, given how cutthroat the process is? And then of course Mr. Curtain keeps him around as an Executive because he’s fun to mess with and presumably his loyalty. I’m very curious as to how their relationship develops in the other books, if at all. Those are probably where the seeds of the “let’s make them family” logic were planted

But wouldn’t it be hilarious if the reason we don’t know what “S.Q.” stands for in the books is that he just. Forgot

Another thing that occurred to me. Given that he and the other Executives were Messengers at some point, what were their worst fears? What is S.Q.’s worst fear?? Inquiring minds need to know

One last horrible little anecdote: I was thinking about book!S.Q. while eating breakfast, as one does, and suddenly it hit me.

I want to believe The Author Trenton Lee Stewart had the name for a character, S.Q. Pedalian, and was like, “Hm! What sort of quirky trait should this young fellow have?” Because, of course, in this style of fiction every character has to have at least one cartoonish or otherwise distinguishing trait to stand out in the minds of children. (For instance, Kate has her bucket, Sticky has his glasses, Constance is angry, and Reynie is Emmett from the Lego Movie)

Anyhow, he looks around the room, searching for inspiration. Suddenly he comes across a jumbo box of plastic wrap. Completely innocuous in design, save for one line of text. 300 SQ FT.

“…large… S.Q. …feet? THAT’S IT!” i’m sorry

Lines & Scenes I Liked

In no particular order!

Sticky quotes Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Evil combination aerobics/square dancing in the gym with the Executives

Everyone being happy at the end :’)

Everyone partying after Sticky reunites with his parents, and later finding Mr. Benedict asleep at his desk from the moment they shook hands :’’)

Literally any scene with Sticky in it

Any time Kate says “you boys” or “gosh”

[“Um, sir?” S.Q. said timidly, raising his hand. “A thought just occurred to me.” / Mr. Curtain raised his eyebrows. “That’s remarkable, S.Q. What is it?”] clown prince of my heart </3

S.Q.’s determined monologue about searching for clues after he bungled up the first time

Literally any scene with S.Q. in it (please refer to The S.Q. Section)

Reynie trying to resist the Whisperer.

[Let us begin. / First let me polish my spectacles, Reynie thought. / Let us begin. / Not without my bucket, Reynie insisted. He heard Mr. Curtain muttering behind him. / Let us begin, let us begin, let us begin. / Rules and schools are tools for fools, Reynie thought.]

NO MORE HURTIN’ WITH CURTAIN

Milligan showing up on the island!!

Remember the white knight hhhhhh

“controle”

A Super Secret Bonus Section

I would be extremely surprised if anyone read through all the way down here lol. Regardless, here’s a little acknowledgements section :D not tagging anyone since I don’t want to bother all of these people

Special shoutout to tumblr blog stonetowns for unknowingly yet singlehandedly demolishing my reluctance to read the books by posting a ton of cute quotes. Thank you for your service o7

Thanks to the two OGs that liked the post I made right before this one, for being my unwitting enablers and for sticking around despite being a) technically an internet stranger (hello!) and b) someone I haven’t spoken to irl in literal years (hey!!)

Last but not least thankz 2 my sister for putting up with me ranting about the book when I first got it and for asking about “CQ” sometimes lol. (i desperately hope you’re not reading this orz)

#the mysterious benedict society #this took me like three days to finish rip #it’s worked though! i feel less of a Mighty Need to think about this stuff constantly now #however!!! today through some conniving i have gotten the Second Book #now I’m at 3 out of 4 infinity stones. muahahaha #was going to include my villain origin story about why i like show!SQ so much but cut it for being too long and irrelevant. however #if the words jeff naomi and Sweet Dreams are Made of These mean anything to you please hit me up. it’s kind of a funny story

31 notes · View notes

danjo-ao3 · 3 years

Text

When Ashes Fall p.4

Pairing: Reaper/female Reader

Summary: You are a combat medic working for Overwatch, when a mission goes south and you cross paths with Talon mercenary Reaper. But will he kill you on the spot or is there more to this encounter?

Rating: 18+

Tags/Warnings: rape/non-con, violence, blood, emotional manipulation, blackmail, kidnapping

Word count: 52,215 (in 5 parts)

A/N: the warnings are clear on this one. Yes, there is going to be rape/non-con, and it’s going to get explicit. I strongly advise anyone who is not into that kind of story to turn back around, because this is going to get pretty heavy and will finally be the non-con story with Reaper that I had always wanted to write.

Part 4 / 5 (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 5)

***

You were running. Bleak walls and grey floors were whirring past you as you hurried along corridors, past multiple doors, not stopping to even take a breath. Get away, away...far away. As far as possible. Barely aware of your ragged breathing, you almost tripped over your own feet, but managed to steady yourself on a wall.

One breath, two, then the irrational fear of being followed spurred you into action again. With shaking legs you finally reached the elevator that would get you away from the lab’s floor.

After all your time with Talon you had finally learned that the elevators were activated by your presence. To call one, you had to stand in a designated spot in front of it, which you were doing right now. It was incredibly hard to stay still, you kept looking over your shoulder, paranoid that a certain someone was behind.

“Come on,” you mumbled as you anticipated the sound of the elevator’s arrival.

It felt like an eternity until you finally heard it, then with one last look behind you hurried inside to immediately announce your desired floor. As the doors closed, you allowed yourself to lean against the shiny walls, aggressively ignoring the mirror on the opposite side. Instead you forced your eyes closed for a second, to try and steady your breathing.

In, out. In and out.

It wasn’t helping, your eyes shot open to observe the display up ahead that told you that you were on the first floor right now.

Move faster, damnit.

Suddenly, the elevator slowed. Confused, you checked the floor again and noticed that you were on floor two, there were still two more until you would reach yours.

The elevator was stopping, the confirmation sound rang loudly in your ears, and finally the doors slid open to reveal a dark and broad figure in front.

Your breath caught.

Revealed to you was—Akande Ogundimu. Your short exhale of relief of it not being a certain masked mercenary was short lived, though. This was bad, like really bad.

Ogundimu’s expression spoke of surprise. Your disheveled state was something he normally didn’t see around here, you figured. He stepped inside, his gaze focusing on your face.

He greeted you by your last name curtly, which you only answered with a jerk of your head that was supposed to resemble a nod.

All you wanted was to vanish in this moment. As you warily watched him take position a few meters away, you involuntarily caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.

Wide, haunted eyes stared back at you, your hair was a mess, sticking out in every direction. Your hand still had a death grip on the front of the lab coat, which barely concealed your still open jeans underneath. But the most obvious thing about your appearance were the red marks all over your neck.

Oh goodness...

Silently, the doors slid closed and the elevator started moving upwards again.

“Passcode 5-5-4,” Ogundimu spoke all of a sudden and the elevator stopped at his command.

You stared at him incredulously. What was he doing?

With his hands behind his back, the man turned to you, a severe look on his face. Today he was wearing all black, and it did nothing to make you feel safe. You were starting to hate that color.

Still clutching your coat, you squinted up at him, further leaning against the wall behind you.

“Are you hurt?”

It took you a good five seconds to digest that. Akande Ogundimu, Doomfist, leader of the infamous terrorist organization Talon, was interested in your well being?

Not likely.

There must have been something else behind his caring façade. It would’ve been unwise to trust him. Nervously, you swallowed around an incredibly dry throat.

“No,” you lied. Well, not much.

Unbidden, thoughts welled up about what would happen if you told him the truth. Would he pretend to care, to tell you to confide in him, that he’d help you?

Reaper’s words flitted through your mind. About how he’d assumed that you were specifically sent to seduce him. By Ogundimu himself, no less. You wondered if his assumptions were correct.

Ogundimu was still studying you, his gaze roamed over your entire front; from your face down to your shoes, his eyes narrowing the more he took in of you in your current state.

Then, he came on towards you with slow steps, as if he were approaching a stray cat so as to not scare it off. Still, you tensed up, his closeness was unwelcome. Especially right now.

“I must say,” he murmured, as he approached, “You are doing well in Talon. Your work ethic is commendable.” He flashed a pleasant smile. “Not many show that much dedication to our cause in their positions. And Talon would like to thank you for being so caring and giving.”

Your face scrunched up in confusion. Was he complimenting your work in the lab, on missions? The words he was using all screamed of something else, something a man of his status wouldn’t deign to utter.

“I’ll have a special bank account set up for you, anything you desire,” he went on in a business-like tone. Only when he reached down and pulled lightly on the bottom of your shirt with a flick of his wrist to finally hide your still openen jeans, did it betray the true meaning behind his words. “That’s only fair, isn’t it.”

Mortified, you stared back at him. He had already moved away from you again, satisfaction written all over his face. He had finally achieved what he had instrumented. Reaper was right, Akande Ogundimu was now… your panderer. And he definitely thought that you and Reaper had already—

You felt your stomach drop, it was as if the floor gave out beneath you. If only it would swallow you whole.

The sheer hopelessness, the grief you’d felt this whole time, and the anxiety of what was going to happen all rendered you mute. That didn’t seem to bother the man at all, he checked his reflection in the mirror, adjusted his expensive looking jacket, then spoke up to the ceiling.

“Passcode 5-5-3.” The elevator started moving again, and just a few seconds later you had reached your destination. Ogundimu inclined his head in goodbye and stepped in front of the doors, which opened for him and revealed someone waiting for him on the other side. An omnic, dressed sharply in a dark grey suit stood just a few meters away, his shiny robotic face equipped with slanted, red eyes and dots neatly arranged on his forehead.

The omnic’s attention snapped from Ogundimu to you. And even though his face could not betray any kind of emotion, you got the distinct feeling that he was silently judging you. For what, you weren’t sure.

Maybe for the way you look like you’d just had sex in an elevator?

You groaned internally. Could this day get any worse? Who in this forsaken building hadn’t witnessed your shame yet?

Ogundimu greeted the omnic and then turned around to you one last time. “Mr. Hawthorne will be delighted to hear about your continued cooperation.”

Hearing Caleb’s last name spoken so casually sent a new wave of trepidation over you. How was he doing, were they treating him right? You finally found your voice and called out to get answers, but the elevator doors were already closing shut again, preventing Ogundimu and his companion from further engaging with you.

Close to tears, you just stared at the doors. Sniffing, you stated your floor number again and the elevator moved up.

Finally, you reached your destination and impatiently waited for the doors to slide open. The long hallway led you straight to the dorm rooms and with a newfound haste, you jogged towards yours, fumbled for the key and got inside to slam the door shut and lock it behind you.

After a very small pause, you hurried out of your clothes so fast, you almost fell on your way to the bathroom. You needed a hot shower now. Lab coat, shirt and jeans all landed in a different corner, your panties too. Trying not to think about it, you shrugged off the ruined bra, and dumped it straight into the trash bin.

Whole body shaking like a leaf, cold and anxious, you went and turned on the shower. The water turned warm pretty quickly and you stepped underneath with your eyes closed.

The water grew hotter by the second, now it was almost unbearable, but you kept standing beneath it. After a few minutes you reached for the standard issue shower gel and squirted a generous amount into your palm. Its purple discoloration was making you feel sick to your stomach, it faintly hurt when you flexed your fingers. But you were almost certain that it had started to change in color to more of a bluish tint.

You heaved a sigh, just another thing on your long list of terrors.

Everything you did was mechanical, your actions on autopilot, while you were internally struggling with how your mind wanted to process what had happened to you while fiercely trying to ignore Reaper’s last words.

This is not over, mariquita

Scrunching your eyes closed, you scrubbed at your chest, trying to erase his touch from your skin. The fine cuts on your neck stung from the gel, but you kept at it nonetheless.

The hot water washed all the soap away and you watched the bubbles disappear down the drain. If only you could disappear like that, you thought, and reached for shampoo.

It took you a long while to get out of the shower, the hot water was soothing and calming you down somewhat. But you couldn’t stay in there forever. So with a long suffering sigh you turned the water off and dried yourself. You were grateful that the bathroom mirror was fogged up enough so you didn’t have to look yourself in the eye.

Before you left to get dressed you decided to brush your teeth, get the bitter taste out of your mouth. When you spat out the toothpaste there was blood mixed in with the foam, curling red in stark contrast in a spiral to be washed away by the water. You’d brushed too hard.

When you got dressed it was in simple clothes; cotton panties, a comfy zip-up hoodie and soft training pants. In that ensemble you curled up in the armchair across your holo screen and watched something on low volume that you didn’t even pay attention to.

Your mind was racing while your body was finally weaning off the adrenaline it had been subjected to. The quiet voices on the show you were watching were soothing your frayed mind. It was a nice distraction. As long as you did not actively think about it all, you could stay relatively calm.

It was still light outside, barely afternoon, but there was no way you would go out again today.

As you drew your knees to your chest and snuggled into your hoodie, your eyes started to feel heavy, they burned and closing them for just a little while was nice. You were so tired… it had been a rough day, you deserved some rest. But all your reasoning did not ease the anxiety that was still simmering underneath it all. It spiked periodically, telling you to stay alert, but you were too tired of the feeling, just so tired.

The last thing that flitted through your head was the word mariquita.

What could it mean?

Mariquita...

***

Mariquita

When you woke it was dark outside, the only light source was the holo projector on the wall. You rubbed one eye and yawned, maybe you should head to bed.

“Mariquita.”

Ice shards pierced your heart, your breath halted as your head snapped to where you’d heard his voice from.

He sat on your bed casually, as if he belonged there, his red eyes faintly glowing in the semi dark.

No. No, no, no, no, no!

This was a nightmare, you were still asleep and dreaming, right? Please, just let this be a nightmare.

“How did you get in here?” You demanded, voice small from disuse. Even as you asked him you knew the answer, he had used his mist voodoo like before when he had vanished in front of your eyes.

“I have my ways,” he said quietly in his raspy voice, not moving from the edge of your bed, watching you. The dull light from the holo projector sporadically illuminated his face, revealing that he wasn’t wearing his mask, nor his armored coat.

“Get out,” you blurted, sitting a little more upright in the armchair, trying to hide the way your body was already shaking again. But of course he didn’t do as you told him, he stayed right in his spot.

“Come here,” he said instead, and it reminded you of the time he said these words during the mission, right before you’d healed him and—

You shook your head.

All you wanted was to laugh at him, scoff how there was no way in hell you were going to go to him of your own free will.

In the end you just glared, telling him nonverbally that that was not going to happen. The outrage you felt almost outshone the fear that still had a tight grip on you.

He cocked his head, as if he were still wearing his mask.

His stare was making you extremely nervous, so in order to escape this uncomfortable situation you snapped at him.

“If you’re not going, then I am,” you stated and unfolded your legs to get off the armchair and straight to your door.

“You know I’ll find you.”

His words gave you pause. Yeah, you figured. The way he had simply ghosted into your locked room was an indicator. With your hand on the handle, you trembled with the urge to get out, but also knowing that there was nowhere for you to escape. He would always find you, you absolutely trusted his statement.

“Well, I’ll take my chances,” you said to him over your shoulder.

“I can also find your friend in the holding cells.”

Your grip on the handle tightened before it went slack.

Caleb. It all boiled down to him, didn’t it? Defeated, you pressed your forehead against the door, wanting to hit your head against it until you blacked out.

Slowly, you turned around to face him. “You— you’re a monster.” It felt good to say it out loud, to tell him your piece of mind, even if he didn’t care.

“Aw, you’re hurting my feelings, mariquita,” he sighed. “Now come. Here.”

Your legs felt like jelly. Unsure if you could even make your way over if you wanted to, you took a deep breath to center yourself. Maybe you could stall for time a little more?

“What does it mean?” You asked out of the blue. Reaper was tensing where he sat on your bed, impatience mirrored on his face.

“What?”

“Mariquita.” You tried your hardest to pronounce it correctly, the way he always did.

“It means you should come over here now, or I’ll come and get you.”

Okay, he was done waiting. Tentatively, you took a step forward, testing your legs’ stability. They were working fine, it was just the man you were supposed to approach that had you hesitate after every step. It didn’t make it easier that he was still watching your every move. Color rose to your cheeks by being so openly observed, while you were struggling no less.

When you were about a meter away from him, you came to a halt. Uncomfortable, you hugged yourself with one arm, your gaze avoiding him. You could feel his demonic eyes on you, your skin tingling unpleasantly where you assumed he was watching.

When something touched the back of your hand, you jumped. He lightly gripped your wrist while the fingers of his other hand pushed the material of your sleeve up over your arm, the one that had suffered the damage from healing him. You watched as he traced upwards, goosebumps spreading in the wake of his touch.

Again, he seemed very interested in what Dr. O’Deorain’s glove had done to you.

From where he sat on the bed, you were almost at eye level with him, he was that tall even sitting. And as he intently watched his own actions you got your first glance at him without a hood covering his head. He had dark hair, streaked with grey at the shaven sides. It was gathering on the top and fell to one side lazily in a swirl of curls, one of the locks almost reached his eyebrows.

Without that heavy coat his entire shape was different, his shoulders weren’t as extremely accentuated anymore, but they were still broad, fewer sharp angles and more rounded bulk. He was still wearing the armored chest plate, pants and boots, but not his clawed gauntlets. And thank goodness for that, you could still feel those talons against your throat.

When his eyes found yours again, he pulled you towards him, you took the last few steps hesitantly, leaning away as much as his hold on you allowed. Which wasn’t much at all, you were standing in between his spread legs. Any closer and you’d be in his lap.

“You want to know what mariquita means,” he murmured, his hand that was not still holding your wrist, went for the zipper of your hoodie.

This had been the worst time to not wear a bra.

You tried to pull away, but he held firm. His scowl told you to stop struggling, and you did so reluctantly, trembling. Your eyes flitted to where he was slowly pulling down the zipper, your shallow breathing making your chest rise and fall quickly.

Well, he certainly wasn’t wasting any time.

You swallowed audibly, a faint whimper climbing up your throat.

But he stopped pulling just a little ways down, his surprisingly warm hand instead touching the skin just beneath your throat. He went further to the side, revealing more of you to him. The hoodie was now hanging off your right shoulder but was still hiding your chest.

He paused, studying you, then stroked a path just below your collarbone, right where the scar was from where you’d been impaled on that steel beam. You shivered.

“It means ladybug,” he finally clarified, his red eyes lifting to your face. Frowning, you wondered why he’d chosen that moniker. “When I found you, the way that metal was sticking out of your shoulder, it looked like a giant needle pinning down a little bug in one of those showcases.” Reaper’s voice was rather quiet, but still sounding rough. “All that blood,” he faintly smiled as he remembered. “Just the color of a ladybug.”

Of course he would remember this fondly, your pain seemed to bring him immense pleasure. Your resulting scowl only seemed to amuse him.

“Ah, well—” You faltered shortly when he brushed along your throat. “Thanks for telling me, I will be going then.”

He chuckled at that, mirth dancing across his features.

“Don’t think so,” he murmured and reached behind you to pull you into him. You fell forward clumsily, barely able to catch yourself against his chest. Your knees came to a rest on either side of his thighs, just like that time during the mission. This new position had your heart beat frantically in your ribcage, and your eyes searched his to gauge his intentions.

What do you think he wants to do? A voice inside your head chided.

The two of you were so close now, you could feel his breath on your face, his expression turned serious again.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he whispered, and goodness you wanted to believe him so badly. Eyes burning, you scrunched them close.

Why was he saying this? Why was he pretending that this was anything but his one sided obsession with your healing effect? It hurt that he thought you were so gullible, like you were some naïve little girl unfamiliar with men like him, when you were old enough to have had your fair share of toxic relationships.

“I find that hard to believe,” you answered. Apparently, Reaper had forgotten the times when he had hurt you in the past, on purpose or not. Maybe he was too far gone to recognize the consequences of his actions, that assaulting someone like he had was a violent act that was very traumatizing.

“Then let me show you,” he said.

With those final words, he cradled your face in his hands to guide your mouths together. Your breath caught once more. This was so different from the last time he did it. It was such a gentle brushing of his lips against yours, feather light and tingly. He pulled away just a fraction, licking his lips and went back in, one hand gliding into your hair.

The worst thing about this was that it felt so nice. After all the anxiety and fear that had beaten you down, it was his cautious touch that was soothing you. You wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all. At this point you weren’t sure if you had preferred him to not be so fucking fake considerate. It was messing with your head too much.

With a forceful push against his chest you drew away, panting lightly.

“You’re… you’re not supposed to,” You hiccuped. “to be so gentle. You’re not, you’re pretending.”

Tears had gathered at the corners of your eyes, it was all so unfair. Why was this happening to you? And why were you even complaining about that, as if the fact that he was doing this to you in the first place wasn’t terrible enough. Sometimes you wished your mouth wasn’t faster than your brain in moments like these.

Reaper hummed in thought. “Do you want me to be rough with you, hermosa?” He squeezed your waist in emphasis, then let his hands glide over your bottom, pulling you into him further. You gasped when his groin was pushed against yours. “That can be arranged,” he flashed his teeth in a feral grin, then proceeded to kiss you once more. There was not a hint of gentleness now, he was all teeth and tongue, forcing your mouth open wide by having you groan with grinding his hips into yours.

You started to struggle again, pushing at his armored chest. Oh no, this was worse, yeah this was definitely the worse choice.

Reaper was not deterred, he grabbed you and spun you around until you lay flat on the bed, his heavy frame landing on top of you.

Breathing labored, you stared up at him with wide eyes. He was regarding you cooly, like he wasn’t affected by his own actions at all, while you were a shaking mess.

“Al—alright. I take it back.” Goodness, you were so pathetic.

He hummed darkly, leaned away and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I'm afraid you’ll have to earn my tenderness again. Think I like being a bit rough with you.” His eyes flashed. “It’s exciting.”

Earn it? You had a bad feeling about this.

Reaper shifted, he sat back on his heels, no longer holding you down, and on instinct you scrambled further away until you bumped against the headboard.

He looked at you expectantly, at your hoodie to be precise. And slowly it dawned on you. He wanted you to take it off…

Ice cold fear stabbed your heart, you couldn’t do this. No way could you strip for him without dying of shame. You shook your head softly, pleading with your eyes. Don’t make me do this.

But he was only raising his brows in an effort to spur you into action.

This was going to happen either way, but you had the small choice of whether he would play nice, or not. And although both choices were the literal worst, one was slightly less disturbing than the other. You only hoped you were making the right decision.

With shaking fingers, you reached for the zipper. Your hands were sweaty, but you managed to hold onto it hard enough to start pulling it down. Closing your eyes tightly, you dragged it over your chest and belly, the sound of the zipper grating in your ears, to finally reach the end and separate the two sides. You were still covered though, it would take a push to open the sweater completely.

You cracked your eyes open tentatively, too anxious about what Reaper was doing. His red eyes were glued to where your trembling hand was still gripping the zipper. Was now the time when he would pounce? The fear made you light headed.

“Good girl. Go on,” he half growled and nodded at your legs.

The praise made you blush. How fucking stupid was that? This next part seemed even harder than the one before. At least you were wearing underwear down there. Trying not to think much anymore, you got your thumbs in the waistband of your sweatpants and pushed them down your legs, a little awkwardly so as to not disturb the jacket that was covering you yet.

When you had discarded the pants onto the floor, you pulled your knees against you, trying to hide from view. You cast wary glances at him.

Slowly, very slowly, he moved forward. Then, he struck like a snake would, one hand curled around your ankle and pulled you towards him in quick succession. He had tugged so hard, your head was bouncing off the mattress beneath you as you lay flat once more and he was above you again.

You feared your heart was going to burst out of your chest the way it was beating so hard.

When he’d dragged you down the bed like that, your hoodie had opened on its own and he used the opportunity to get his hands on you. He pulled your naked legs over his thighs, his nostrils flared and his jaw clenched at the sight of you around him and pressed your groins together.

A metallic trinket that looked like some form of medaillon hanging from his belt came to rest against your stomach, the shock of its coldness made you gasp. His armored pants were hard and unyielding against the soft skin of your inner thighs, scratching and piercing you in some places.

You whimpered.

The bulge you could feel between your legs was unmistakably his dick, eager and already half-hard. Your blush deepened as goosebumps rose over your entire body.

Then he was stroking your belly with his big hand, until he went further up to brush over your chest and finally grabbed a handful of your breasts.

He wasn’t exactly rough with you, but he wasn’t gentle either. Still, you blushed hard with his bold touch, squirming underneath him and biting your lip, turning your head to the side.

Apparently, he took that as an invitation to kiss your neck. His teeth grazed your ear, then he moved further down along your jugular, until he licked over your nipple before biting down on it softly.

You gasped at the feeling, it was sending little electric shocks down to your core. Your thighs tensed where they lay around his waist and he groaned when you accidentally ground against him.

He breathed hotly against your skin, then sucked on your nipple and swirled his tongue around it. You couldn’t help the moan bubbling up and how you drew your legs together, squeezing his hips tightly while ignoring the pain the hard plates were causing your skin. You felt so vulnerable, practically naked while he was still fully clothed, in his damn armor no less.

He slammed his hips into yours, pushing you up the bed a fraction with the force of it while simultaneously giving you a taste of what was coming for you.

Your breath stuttered with how he was manhandling you. All hard edges, sharp teeth on your breasts and protruding metal bruising your skin. It was too much, you were starting to hyperventilate.

There’s no way out, I’m trapped, I can’t breathe…

He pressed your thigh against his own, hard, and you cried out at the pain that flared up your leg.

Tears burned your eyes when you screwed them shut, with your upper body turned to the side your arms flew up to hide your face behind them while your body was shaking uncontrollably, soft whimpers sounding with every breath out.

I’m not here to hurt you.

Fucking liar.

Suddenly, he stopped what he was doing. The tight grip he’d had on your upper leg eased off, brushed over the spot soothingly and then pressed your leg further to the side. Anxiously, you peered sideways from behind your arm to watch his actions.

It seemed as if he was inspecting the damage he’d done to your inner thigh due to that armor of his. He hummed in thought, then raised your leg while simultaneously bending down to press a kiss to the spot, his sharp eyes finding yours.

“Sorry about that, mariquita,” he appeased, let go of your leg and reached for his belt instead. The sound of the leather sliding free and the clinking metal had you tensing up.

When he had freed the belt, he discarded it to the side, but—you couldn’t help but notice—still within reach. With precision and routine he reached for the clamps that would loosen the hold of his chest plate. They were quite numerous, but you watched him undo every single one of them, too afraid to look away for even a fraction of a second.

Reaper was smiling lopsidedly. When he had finished undoing the very last one, he made sure you were still paying attention as he shrugged out of the chest plate, under which he wasn’t wearing anything.

That mist was rising off of him again, now that he was topless there was nothing to contain it anymore. You wondered what was up with his condition, but were too afraid to ask.

Your breath caught for the upteenth time that day when the mist had cleared. His skin was just as greyish and dark as on the rest of him. Never had you seen so many scars on somebody before either. They were big and small alike, some screamed of sharp tools that must have slashed him, others looked rugged and downright nasty. You’d seen their kind before: explosions and their shrapnel left these kinds of horrible wounds.

The sheer amount of pain and suffering one had had to endure with these scars as testament; you shuddered in sympathy.

Reaper’s chest was big, a light dusting of dark curls began around his pecs, then gathered at the bottom of his taut belly and disappeared in a trail down his pants. He chuckled darkly when he caught you checking him out like that. Ah damn, your eyes seemed to have a will of their own.

That blush on your cheeks was going to burn a hole through your skin sooner or later.

He reached out and took a hold of your good hand, brought it up and pressed it against his chest. It rose and fell with his breathing, you even detected a faint heartbeat, albeit a very slow one.

You were facing him again, one arm extended toward him, the other unconsciously balled into a fist and pressed against your sternum.

“Go on.”

What? What were you supp—

Oh.

He wanted you to use your healing on him. Automatically, you shook your head. Nothing good has ever come of it.

His eyes narrowed and your heart sank.

“Your choice, mariquita. Either give me what I want,” he kissed your fingertips with deceptive tenderness. “Or I’ll simply take it.”

Your throat closed up. You were scared shitless of him when he was under the influence of your healing powers, but what would he do if you stopped cooperating now?

Slowly, but surely, he pressed your hand against his heart. The image of his greyish skin in contrast to yours was mesmerizing. The firm muscle underneath your palm was warm, his skin soft.

“Understood?”

You stared at him. There was no way around it. With a meek nod you surrendered.

The healing you sent out was just the amount needed to heal minor wounds, Reaper closed his eyes in bliss when it hit him, his hand fell away from where he held yours against his chest.

You watched as he laid his head back, a look of pure bliss written across his face. The dark mist that was constantly rising off of him intensified, almost shrouding his face from view.

The moan that was rumbling through his chest made you shiver, your still sweaty hand slipped and brushed over his dusky nipple. With an otherworldly groan he fell forward through the mist to hold himself above you, his hands on both sides of your head.

His pupils were blown wide, the red fire burning brightly in a fine ring around them. He blew cool mist into your face when he opened his mouth to groan one more time.

Reaper undulated against you, bent down and went for your neck with open mouthed kisses. It was difficult to keep the contact and the healing up in this new position as well as having to deal with the assault on your senses. His hands pushed the sides of the jacket you still wore apart forcefully, kneaded your breasts, then reached around to grab your back and hauled you up to his level. With swift motions, he divested you of the hoodie, now you sat in his lap while he frantically cradled your head and kissed you with such ferocity it stole your breath away completely.

You hated that you could recognize his taste, he had kissed you often enough now.

Gradually, you lowered the healing output, until you stopped it completely.

Reaper slowed down after a few seconds, the urgency with which he had practically devoured you mellowed until he was kissing you so sensually instead that it made you feel things. Things that terrified you. You were flesh and blood after all, of course this was affecting you. A small sob bubbled up from deep inside your body, hands curling against his chest.

One of his hands was making its way down your back, over your bottom and then to the front of your underwear.

Panting, you pulled away, wanting to say something. To tell him to stop. But, you realized, you had crossed a line where a ‘no’ was not an option anymore. You were past that point now and there would be no going back.

So, you resigned yourself to warily watching as his fingers lightly stroked you through your panties. It sent tingles up your spine and you gasped at the sensation of it. He used the opportunity and kissed you again, stealing your breath away with every stroke over your sensitive nub and his tongue inside your mouth. You had to brace yourself on his shoulders, the steel like muscle underneath was stiflingly strong.

You didn’t even notice how he slipped his fingers underneath the cotton of your panties, the touch of his fingers against your naked skin was more intense now.

His other hand was holding your neck, his thumb tilting your head back by the jaw so he had better access to your mouth.

With your eyes closed you could feel how his fingers crept further down to gather some of the essence between your thighs and how he groaned into your mouth when he felt how wet you were, then he smeared it around your clit to slick his movements.

On the one hand you were mortified at how your body was betraying you. You were so aroused you were practically soaking through your underwear. But you also knew that it was its natural response to the stimulus, there was no way for you to interfere.

On the other hand you were kind of thankful that your body was responding because sex was not very pleasant while being dry. And you got the distinct impression that Reaper was not carrying a spare bottle of lube around. But who knew? At this point nothing surprised you anymore.

Again, Reaper snuck his hand down and between your folds, but this time he pushed two fingers inside with no resistance whatsoever.

This time it was you who groaned. Damn, that felt amazing, they were just the right size with how they stretched you around them and the light curl they did towards your navel.

Reaper pulled away from your mouth with a loud, wet sound. You let your head drop forward, breathing loudly and trying to stifle the mewls spilling from your lips at the intense feeling of his fingers stroking in just the right spots.

“Let me hear you,” he cooed, sounding a little out of breath himself, simultaneously speeding up his ministrations. One particular stroke of his must have hit that special nerve in you and you moaned loudly, a new kind of blush forming on your cheeks; one of deep seated arousal mixed with shame.

“Yes,” he hissed, bent down and lightly bit your neck.

You swore in surprise, the pain was negligible, but you clamped around his fingers nonetheless which earned you a moan and a kiss on the spot he’d just bitten.

His fingers withdrew, only to return with a third one, stretching you even wider than before. It was almost bordering on uncomfortable, you hadn’t had any kind of intimacy like this in months. Ever since you’d signed up with Overwatch, your love life had been put on the back-burner, and until now you hadn’t minded a bit. Now it seemed disadvantageous.

Reaper kept nipping and kissing at your neck all the while, now that his third finger was coated in your juices, the constant stroking along your inner walls was becoming easier.

Then he found your clit with his thumb again, his fondling inside and outside had you keening.

You could feel a slow orgasm approaching. Ah damn, you really didn’t want to find your release like this, on this demon’s fucking fingers, but it would move things along and bring this night to an end, or at least you hoped that it would.

With clammy hands you held onto his shoulders for purchase, all his kissing and touching was leaving you light headed.

He broke away from your neck when you’d grasped his shoulders, his misty breath blowing in your face cooly.

“Do you want to come, hermosa?”

Fuck.

Yeah, you did. But you were not going to tell him, too…

So you screwed your eyes shut and nodded faintly.

Reaper tutted. “Tell me,” he commanded and when you kept silent, did his best to hit that spot that made you squirm and see stars. You moaned pathetically, but just couldn’t bring yourself to admit to it with words.

He kept hitting that same spot over and over again, the orgasm building and almost reaching its crescendo, but before you could topple over that edge, Reaper slowed down again.

You whined when he stopped, weakly bucking your hips against his fingers, but unable to find the right angle.

“Say it,” he growled in your ear, his fingers maddeningly slow in their movements, his other hand around the back of your neck and holding you securely in place.

Fucking hell.

“Please,” you faintly whispered. But it wasn’t enough, he stopped with his fingers buried inside you, keeping you from moving altogether.

He wasn’t going to remind you a third time, you were sure. But you were also quite stubborn, and so you clenched your teeth in frustration. Let him get off on this, you really didn’t need to.

Maybe if you kept lying to yourself it would become true.

Without saying a word he started stroking you again, that beautiful release just on the horizon. But you knew he was not going to allow you to reach it without begging him for permission.

Oh, how you hated him.

“Fuck, please!” You almost yelled when he threatened to withdraw his fingers completely. “Please, I...I want to—to come.” The shame you felt at admitting these things out loud was unbearable, but it was swiftly overshadowed by the sheer pleasure that washed over you the second you had uttered that last word and Reaper resumed his stroking in earnest.

Oh shit, this was intense, your sweaty palms slipped off of his shoulders to grasp at his back when he pulled you against his chest and the two of you embraced.

“Ah!” You exclaimed when he massaged your clit even faster, just a little more and you’d come.

Eyes screwed shut in pleasure and concentration you decided to ride that wave that he had forced upon you, your body needed the release badly.

Your orgasm came swift and powerful, better than you’d had in a while. It left you weak and limp in his arms, your cheek resting on his shoulder and your whole body shaking with aftershocks. You still felt his fingers resting inside, the sporadic contractions around them had you feeling a new kind of uncomfortable.

Almost soothingly, he stroked along your back, down and up again, then he slid his fingers out of you, wiping some of the slick onto your thigh.

He was trying to keep his breathing even, like he was holding himself back. A violent shiver ran down your body, surely now would be the time he’d be done waiting and playing nice.

All the afterglow you’d felt dissipated into nothing when he gently, but firmly pushed you back until your head hit the mattress again. His eyes were practically black, the thin ring of fiery red of his irises reminded you that you were in bed with the devil.

With his one hand in the middle of your chest he raised his other one and made a show of licking the fingers that he had used to pleasure you with with languid strokes of his tongue. He moaned obscenely at the taste. Still trying to catch your breath, you tried to look away but found that it was impossible. The image was too mesmerizing in its lasciviousness.

When he was done he said, “My turn,” got on his knees and used both hands to open the fly of his pants and pushed them down to reveal that he was completely naked underneath.

Immediately, your eyes shot to the proud erection that had sprung free.

He was...proportionate.

Big.

There was no denying it. He was bigger than you’d ever had before.

Your mouth went dry at the thought of having to take him. Even though he’d loosened you up a little with his fingers and that orgasm you weren’t sure this was going to be comfortable at all.

You were also willing to bet that he wouldn’t care about that one little bit.

Cold fear settled in your stomach.

“W—why do you do it?” You suddenly blurted in a last ditch effort to buy some time or maybe to deter him.

He flashed you a half-smile. “Because I can.”

“But aren’t you...playing into their plan?” You saw his face contort into a frown.

“I don’t care about Akande’s plans. I’ll show him that whatever it is, it won’t work on me.” He had managed to completely disrobe, and now he kneeled before you in all his naked glory, at least from what you could see of him from the faint light of the holo projector. You tried very hard not to ogle him.

“How do you know?” Goodness, he was advancing on you again, all your instincts screamed at you to run away, but you also weren’t keen on being chased about in nothing but your underwear.

He leaned over you. “Because I am Reaper.” The fire in his eyes flashed brightly. “I am Death,” he murmured and brushed his lips over your ribs, up and over a nipple. “Let him try, I like a good challenge.”

You gasped at the sensation, body still strung tight, all the relaxation from your very recent release gone like it never even happened in the first place.

Was he being that edgy on purpose, to keep you on your toes? If so, it sure was working, you shook like a leaf.

You jumped when he touched your hips on both sides, his hands began to drag down your panties and you couldn’t help how your thighs pressed together. To no avail of course, he pulled them ever further until they were bunched around your knees. All the while he was staring at you, arranged your legs to slide the cotton off and over your feet. With a careless motion he discarded the material onto the floor.

“But—” you stuttered when he settled between your legs, his dick dangerously close to your core, “don’t you want to know why they do this?” You asked in a trembling voice. Maybe if you proposed to help him he would leave you alone in turn?

He stopped and considered you for a moment, his hands grabbing your thighs.

This was your chance.

“I can...help you find out.” Wide eyed you stared up at him, hoping with every fibre of your being that he was actually considering what you said.

Next thing you knew he was pulling you into him, one of your thighs held up and high while he guided his cock inside you. It happened so fast, the feeling of being penetrated by his large dick stole all the breath from your lungs.

It was like being punched in the stomach, his girth was unlike anything you’d ever felt before. He pushed forward without a pause and didn’t stop before he was fully sheathed inside, the tip of his dick pressing painfully against your cervix.

You stared at him open mouthed, hot tears burning in your eyes and your hands fisted into the sheets.

As the first tear ran down the side of your head, a sob bubbled up from deep inside your chest. And with this the dam broke.

Crying had always been a very personal and intimate thing for you, hell not even your mother had ever seen you cry more than once or twice, let alone boyfriends. But you couldn’t stop it anymore, it was all too much. You wanted to go home, to not feel like this anymore.

Reaper had let go of your leg and was now propped up on his elbows on top of you. While your leg slid down the side of his powerful thigh, he sighed into your ear in pleasure.

“Oh, you will help me, mariquita,” he murmured against your cheek, “but on my terms.”

And with this he started to move, rolled his hips into yours slowly, carefully. Like he wanted to savor the moment.

It wasn’t exactly painful, but the way he dragged against your inner walls was unbearably intense, the stretch uncomfortable. Still, you grabbed the sheets so hard you thought they might tear soon. Eyes screwed shut and tears streaming from them, you turned your face to the side, trying in vain to suppress the noises coming out of your mouth.

Reaper growled animalistically when he sped up, eliciting a broken wail from you. There was nothing gentle or considerate about the way he was thrusting inside you now, everytime he bottomed out he pushed you up the bed a fraction more. Until you finally hit the headboard and even further so your head lay at an awkward angle.

Only then did he pull out and backed up a little, dragged you down to his level and back onto his cock. As he entered you it was with a sound that was a mix between a sigh and a grunt. Through blurry eyes you could faintly see his face contorting in ecstasy when he resumed his pace from earlier.

He was on his knees again, his hands had a secure hold on your thighs while he fucked you so hard and fast you felt like you got whiplash.

When he pulled you into him by the hips he hit your cervix again and you cried out in pain.

He didn’t seem to care much, he hit that spot over and over.

“Stop!” You finally cried, your hands pushing at his chest feebly. But a quick glance at his face revealed that Reaper wasn’t even listening. His eyes were hidden behind that dark mist that was surrounding him, rising up in plumes that were only faintly whirling about with the staccato rhythm of his hips. His mouth was hanging open, his breaths coming in short bursts.

Overall it seemed like he was lost in sensation, your plea fell on deaf ears. Instead, you tried to angle your hips away so he couldn’t push as far inside, but that only earned you a growl. Reaper leaned forward again and licked along your neck—seemingly his favourite spot on you to put his mouth—and after a brief kiss there, sunk his teeth into your skin.

Too shocked by the action you choked on a scream, and clawed at his back. He’d bitten you hard this time, you were sure he had drawn blood. Just like your fingernails must have left him with new wounds to adorn his scarred body.

It felt like he was consuming you, inside and out. He was everywhere, surrounding you from all sides and angles, tearing you apart and putting you back together into something else.

When would this end?

Would it ever end?

Reaper removed his teeth from your neck and lapped at the wound with small moans, his hips were still thrusting forward at a punishing pace. He hadn’t even noticed your scratches it seemed, or maybe they had spurred him on?

One of his hands curled around your throat, the feeling now almost familiar, then he turned your head to face him. The constant flow of tears made it hard to see but you could make out where his eyes were burning into yours.

He was knocking the breath out of you with every powerful thrust, you could see his jaw clenching in want and lust, it was overwhelming in its violence. But he forced you to look him in the eyes while he was defiling you with every snap of his hips, bringing your mouths closer together and finally kissing you. The taste of your blood on his lips made you nauseous.

It didn’t last long at least, he rocked back and forth one last time and stilled, pressed against you as close as physically possible, and spilled his release deep inside of you.

You felt like you were going to pass out.

With shaky, shallow breaths, you stared at the ceiling with burning eyes, watching the low light of the holo projector dancing in a myriad of colors. Small sobs were racking your body.

Your mind was shrinking back from what just happened.

I’m not here to hurt you, the memory of his voice was mocking you. It wasn’t like you believed him anyway, but you felt silly for even wanting to trust him in the first place.

There were fresh tears running down the side of your head and into your hair, you hiccuped when Reaper moved his hand away from your neck and brushed it over your face gently, down your nose and over your mouth, the pads of his fingers catching on your bottom lip.

“Got a bit carried away there,” he murmured while inspecting the bite wound he’d left behind.

Underneath the hopelessness and the terror you could feel a rage blooming. Oh how you hated him.

He just laid there, still on top of you, still inside of you, which you were still reminded of by the small twitches from his spent dick.

“Ge—get off,” you tried to compel, but it only came out a weak whisper between sniffles.

His eyes met yours again.

“You feel…” he searched your face. “so fucking perfect around me.” He simply ignored what you said and to emphasize his point he rolled his hips languidly.

You couldn’t suppress a moan at the feeling. He was moving differently now, slower, and—you were hesitant to even think it—with the intention to pleasure you.

He was still hard, after he had just come mere minutes ago? Maybe it was part of being a fucking wraith.

No, no, no, you couldn’t do this again so soon.

“Wait,” you pleaded, reaching for him with shaking arms. But he just grabbed your wrists and pushed them down onto the bed, leaning into you.

“Calm down, mariquita.” He cooed, brushing his lips against your forehead. “I’m going to fuck you so good, you’ll forget every pretty little boyfriend you ever had.”

And with that promise he started to move again.

#reaper x reader #reader x reaper #overwatch #fanficiton #non-con #female reader

39 notes · View notes