Patient 05

Heheh little ref for Adam in my new au-

He’s definitely the most human/normal looking one of the group, though he has a lot of strange mental mutations instead of physical ones

[Another Teddy Bear Danny au]

So after the accident, 5-year-old Danny didn't end up in the zone, but instead on his parents basement floor like usual.

A while later his parents have been running tests on him, nothing that would hurt, only things like checking the condition of his body, using a stethoscope to see if he still had a heart, drawing a bit of lifeblood (via syringe) and testing his genetic makeup.

Nothing like dissection, like they would've wanted to do to any other ghost, but not to their son, never. Every test they put him through is utterly safe and harmless.

Like, a visit to the doctor's office.

Even giving him some candy for his efforts, when they found out he could manipulate his body to gain a mouth and the cutest little fangs. Surprisingly, he still had organs, except his stomach acid has been replaced by ectoplasm, that seemed to breakdown whatever food thrown in there into pure energy.

After the tests, they send him off so they could... work on a few things. Mostly the results of their tests, and how to make the ghost portal decidedly less lethal than it was currently capable of being to not have a repeat of this incident.

After working through all of the tests they could do, they finally let him leave the house, after determining that everything should be fine for his current body.

What a mistake that was.

You see, not a lot of people in Amity Park really practiced stranger danger. Everyone looked out for each other, most people knew everyone in certain ways, and tourists were basically null, so they didn't have much to fear in that area.

So, children were just allowed to go out and about because they basically knew most of the adults.

Of course, such a thing came back to bite them hard in the ass. For under a little a week, was Danny kidnapped.

By who? The Fentons had no way of knowing.

===

Danny really liked the man in white, they were really nice! Heapproached him while he was out on the playground. Jazz dropped him off here and said she would be back in a few minutes because she wanted to go get something that she forgot, even said on the way back she would get ice cream!

A while later, while he was trying to climb up the ladder of the slide, he was struggling to do so, then the guy helped him up to the top of the slide! He even did it more than once too!

Then, when he was in the sandpit, he was a bit weirded out because the sudden lack of kids in the playground, but it was fine! The guy even helped him make sandcastles, he was really, really good at making sandcastles, and even helped Danny make the bestest one he's ever seen!

Another while later, and Danny was getting a bit concerned about where Jazz was, she said she wouldn't be long, but it was a while since he saw her. He was waiting with his new friend for a bit, before a bit more time later his friend suggested that they go find her.

So, Danny sat in his friend's arm, and they left to go find his sister.

===

Jazz was running far later than she thought she would've. Due to repeated interruptions along the way, but she bought Danny a bigger portion of ice cream as apology, so she hopes he would forgive her for taking so long.

When she got there, the ground was entirely empty.

She looked around desperately for her brother, before running home to tell her parents.

===

Danny like experiments, so they didn't hurt, only felt a lil bit funny, like ticklish funny, and he gets some candy at the end of it too!

So, yea, Danny did like experiments.

Now though, he found he only liked the experiments done by his parents. They didn't hurt, and felt comfortable and safe because his parents were there and because they made it as comfortable as they could.

But the ones done by the people in white suits and lab coats didn't feel comfortable, or safe.

They hurt.

Blunt things didn't hurt, as they soon realized because of his cotton stuffed body, and his organs were also quite resilient to blunt force. Then they cut him open, and that hurt, hurt so much that he cried and wailed and shook his everything to try and get them to stop.

But they didn't stop, never stopped. They even took pride and joy in making him squirm around. They looked at and treated him as if he wasn't even human, which yea he techna- technicly- technically wasn't anymore since he heard his parents talking about it but still, they were being really mean.

They said words that went right over his head, at least when his parents used words like that, hey explained what it meant in smaller words.

He hated this place, he hated the men in white suits, and he hated the ones in lab coats even more.

He wanted to go back home.

===

5 years later, the GIW base was raided due the Anti-Ecto acts being a violation of rights, unearthed by the Fentons and brought to light by the Justice League.

The heroes who raided the base found multiple ghosts held captive, the most sickening thing being that the oldest ghost wasn't even 20, only being 18 years of age, when asked their age.

They opened up a room that was locked down tightly for some reason, perhaps a volatile experiment gone wrong or perhaps, another Conner situation. But no, all that was there were two Teddy Bears stuffed away in the corner, trying to make themselves even smaller than they already was in a desperate attempt to not be seen, when they hesitantly stepped in the room, one of them removed itself from the other one, spreading its arms out to either side of itself and standing in front of the other one protectively.

Its face shifted, as a mouth appeared. It bared its fangs and let out a low, animal-like growl as ice started to spread onto the ground from itself and a mist fell from its mouth.

===

Danny didn't know what the muffled sounds that managed to penetrate the wall meant, not what was causing them exactly. Maybe they caught a new ghost? He didn't know.

When a while later, did the door to their cell prison open, did Danny have a choice to make, one he didn't even need to think twice about. He may not know all of his powers correctly, nor know how to properly use them and he most likely wouldn't be able to do much damage.

But he wasn't about to let them hurt his new baby sister, sure, she may be a clone and they expected him to not like her. But he didn't care what they thought, if they think they could take her without a fight.

Well, they were dead wrong.

How would a Soudam AU with both of them being the Mastermind/Ultimate Despair work?

Would one of them just brainwash the other into despair?

or would both of them love the concept of despair so much, they eventually would want to spread it to their classmates? 🤔

Sweet wrench….I have thought of this idea on and off for a while.

long post below!

Let’s see, CrazyNekoChan made a Mastermind!soudam on AO3 that I love, but it was MM!Gundham that brainwashed everyone including Kazuichi who was also the MM in the planning stages.

I love either one being the Mastermind because whoo! The power dynamics! My first watch of a silent play through (I didn’t have game consoles at the time rip) I was DREADING being Kazuichi being the MM but it would’ve been a genius move - the supposedly simp mechanic being so absorbed by a pretty girl; who would think he was a calculating murder mastermind behind this killing game?

But back to the question: my answer would be a little mixture of both HOWEVER it would depend on who is Ultimate Despair:

If it’s Gundham, he would want to make Kazuichi see the true depravity of humanity. He feels like his Ultimate talent has opened himself to the real state of the world and humanity and it is as horrible and unrepentant as he always knew it was. Making Kazuichi and his best friend/student Sonia see this truth is a mercy - for they will not be lead astray by these tainted humans any longer.

He of course experimented on a few first years - you can’t bake a cake without cracking a few eggs and he made a mess of several…dozen. But he was able to create the perfect program that was as humane as possible (note: that didn’t involve invasive surgery or injury). He found the Kamakura Program and used the lab and Izuru was freed in exchange for helping him.

Sonia was his first official start and well…something went slightly wrong. However, she came out of it 99.9% intact and has had her third eye opened s he counted it a success. With Kazuichi, he took his time. His vibrant hell flower was surprisingly resilient in the first stages.

But he learned after Sonia and it was most unfortunate that it took so long. He needed to take his time with his beloved and the end result was truly worth it.

He thinks of making his fellow classmates see the light as well, but the method is so difficult to do in a larger scale and Izuru was calculating months for it to be at that large of a scale. That was too long and he had the two important people in his life. He can destroy the world with three people. The others can be spared…for now.

Now! If it was Kazuichi, he would’ve had production done for large scale projects much faster.

He would see the bigger picture, like Junko, and wanted his friends to be apart of this. He finds Izuru and promises him freedom and an obedient slave (Nagito) in return for his help which make Izuru help only because it’s Nagito. He experimented on Fuyuhiko’s little sister and that other reserve course student first, but sadly the other student killed Nazumi before she could be completely turned to Despair.

He made sure the test subject suffer before Fuyuhiko killed her. He was also furthering his experimentation by introducing it to certain individuals via drink, food or airborne. Granted, he’s not the Ultimate Chemist, but Izuru has been a real help!

But his most important task, was getting Gundham, Akane and Chiaki. Sonia would follow Gundham and Chiaki like a duckling - she’d only be perfect as a money and material distributor. Akane and Chiaki were his sisters basically and he needed their loyalty.

And for Gundham…well. Love makes people want that special someone close at hand. And Gundham was closer - even if that was because he had him chained downed for his special version of the formula.

It was a shame about Chiaki, but losing her made the Despair so much sweeter as he lamented her loss. Oh well. Some things are truly not to be it seemed. But he had the rest of his class to get together and administer the final step. And poor Gundham needed extra attention. Chiaki’s body can be handled later.

f.w. headcanons (part ii)

here it is! you’re all too kind to me so i truly hope you enjoy! <3 (I apologize if this headcanon is a bit redundant)

word count: 2.1k

@somekidinacoma

(if you’d like to be tagged just ask, i’d be more then happy to!)

-he talks about you so much, molly and arthur practically know everything about you. as for the other weasleys you all get along and they make you feel like you’re part of the family

-he’s so excited to show you everything around the house, like his room, the backyard, the small fort all his siblings made together in the woods, the treehouse, and all the little trinkets that litter every available space. he’s practically shaking when he meets you at the train station because he can’t contain his emotions

-he can’t wait for the people he loves the most to be together. the thought of you, his siblings and his parents in the same household just excite him so much and fills him with joy 

-when you arrive molly has already made all of your favorites because she knew from all of fred's letters about you and arthur is already asking about how your ride was and if you saw anything interesting (his letters are mostly about you, they only contain 2 sentences about him)

-you get along with molly and arthur very well, they treat you with so much kindness and love. molly lets you cook with her and she shows you old photos of fred. you and arthur have conversations about muggle things he finds interesting and about all the fun experiences you’ve had while art hogwarts

-when fred leads you to his room he shows you his first inventions that he made with george many years ago, seeing his eyes fill with pride is one of your favourite sights 

-his side of the room is covered with pictures of you and him, letters and doodles from you and it’s so cute “george says it’s creepy like it’s some sort of shrine.” “i wouldn’t expect any less from you.”

-he lets you rummage through the old clothes that are too small for him and keep them. they still smell like him, a mixture of cinnamon, ash, pine, and orange

-sneaking down to the kitchen while everyone sleeps and eating cake outside

-baking 4am cookies with fred, trying your hardest not to laugh and make a lot of noise, but it just ends up with the two of you feeding each other the cookie dough then getting stomach aches the next morning 

-throwing popcorn at him, him diving to try and catch it, probably leading to his head banging against a table (pouty fred trying to ignore you but ultimately failing when you kiss him all over his face)

-sitting around a fire with his entire family as they all laugh and tell stories, his arm around your shoulders and your head leaning against his

-water chugging competitions, you always win

-staring competitions, he’ll always pull odd faces in an attempt to get you to crack or tickle you with strands of your hair

-stargazing in his old treehouse, holding hands and falling asleep in that position. (imagine fairy lights everywhere, there's a record player in the corner playing si tu n’etais pas la, you’re both under a blanket and you’re tracing words onto his palm making him guess what your message is) 

-he comes up from behind you and drapes a blanket over your shoulders while hugging you and talking into your hair, his speech being muffled

-refusing him kisses before class if he’s the reason you’re late, to which he’ll reply by lightly pulling your hair when you try and walk away from him. he doesn’t show any signs of relenting so you quickly turn around and kiss him hard while gripping on his collar, but as soon as he tries to deepen it you turn and rush through the classroom door quickly

-while walking down a corridor together he’ll twirl you around

-sometimes he’ll just hold you up because he wants to admire you. or he’ll prop you on a desk or dresser just so you’re face to face, so he can look at every feature on your face 

-i cannot stress enough how warm his hugs are, they completely engulf you and all you can smell is his jumper and you can feel his heartbeat, his hands gripping at the ends of your sweater then slowly running up and down your back in your jumper and he’ll nudge your leg with his knee as an indicator for you to step into him so there's practically no space between the two of you

-slow dancing, he’ll hold you tightly to his chest with his arms wrapped around your waist and your head will be on his shoulder while you play with the strands of hair at the base of his neck. you’ll have hushed conversations about what you want to do in the future, all the places you wanna travel to together, and all the domestic things you can’t wait to do together (while the catfish and the bottlemen cover of read my mind plays in the back)

-pretending to have mini-concerts in his dorm, using random objects as microphones, screaming, jumping around on every surface that will allow it (in my mind fred dances like jarvis cocker)

-if you’re both singing he’ll claim that you’re outshining him so he’ll try and cover your mouth, which leads to you covering his mouth, which ends with him just him licking your hand and you rubbing it off on him “you did not.” “yes, and i’ll do it again.” he’ll take off running, causing you to chase him

-the two of you sitting next to each other while listening to music and you’ll start to head bop, then he’ll start to head bop together in unison

- during lessons he’ll slip little sweets into your hand

-he’ll nudge your ribs while you’re trying to pay attention to class and whispers to you “i’m so in love with you darling.” to which you’ll just grin and hold his hand under the table, tracing shapes onto the back of it

-he definitely throws things at you randomly, at any given location, nothing that would hurt you obviously

-sometimes he’ll just stop mid-sentence and look at you in awe, his mouth slightly agape and eyes wide. his smile is so bright and genuine, his dimples are so prominent and his eyes crinkle and it’s so contagious, you can’t help but hold his face and kiss his forehead lightly

-he admires you so so much, you motivate him to work as hard as he can because one day he hopes that his business will be enough to sustain a life that he wants to give you, he wants to give you the world and he wants to encourage you to follow your dreams as much as you do for him

-very specific compliments “your earlobes are a really nice shape” “i really like the space between your eyebrows” “ahh your nose is just so cute i just wanna poke it all day”

-he gave you a locket and it has a picture of you and him on your first hogwarts train ride together. and whenever he gets the chance he’ll put it on for you, he loves sweeping your hair out of the way and softly putting the necklace around your neck

-matching rings 

-fred definitely knows how to make bracelets and rings, i feel like he’d always make them for ginny and molly on holidays. he’d make you so many, and on your birthday he gave you a really ornate silver jewelry box

-he loves brushing your hair 

-whenever you’re staying up whether it be studying or writing an essay he will not allow himself to sleep until you’re done, he says people who suffer together stay together. he’ll also try to shovel food in your mouth and make you drink water or tea to assure sure you’re not depriving yourself. in return, you stay up with him while he’s trying to perfect the products he wants to sell. you’ll sit side by side bumping knees and rubbing his back while he scribbles into his notebook

-sometimes he’ll ask for you to lean your back against his because he still wants to be able to work and be around you, but he gets distracted by your face because he just wants to kiss you every time he sees your eyebrows furrow as you reread a paragraph, or your tongue dart out of your mouth, or a tendril of hair slip from your ponytail and onto your face

-he’s not one to be very hard on himself about attendance, but if you are he’ll wake you up and remind you that you have a test to get to, or you have to attend practice. he’ll help you get ready but as soon as he drops you off he’ll go back to sleep or go to the kitchens to get food for you and him for after your class or practice 

-he’s so good at comforting people, he takes it after molly. it may seem at times that he’s insensitive due to his playful nature, but if he sees that you’re frantically flipping through pages, nibbling at the end of your pen he will hold your face tenderly between his hands and reassure you in a soft and sincere voice “why’re you being so hard on yourself? can’t you see how hard you’re working and how accomplished you are?” “take a rest, beautiful, you deserve it.” “i’m so proud of you, you have no idea how much you push me to work harder.” “you’ve got a stunning mind, but i think you should give it a break okay?” “you’re so resilient, angel, you can do this okay? i’m right here.”

-if you have a headache he’ll massage your head. if any part of your body hurts he’ll try and soothe it. he’ll pause occasionally to kiss whatever part is in pain

-(for any female, male  or non-binary angels that get their period)he’ll keep his hands over where you’re cramping and he’ll let you curl around him. he even bought you a huge body pillow because he’d want you to use it when he couldn’t be with you. he’ll feed you whatever you crave and he’ll read to you or sing quietly to you (fred with an acoustic ahhh). he’ll constantly reassure you, saying that you only have a couple more days left, and if the pain is really bad he’ll try and soothe you to sleep. fred also keeps track of your period, he’s surprisingly really really good with dates 

-he likes humming you to sleep while he pushes the hair out of your face, rubs your back, and kisses your forehead lightly

-if you’re about to do something you’re really nervous about he’ll look you in the eyes, grab both of your hands and encase them in has after leaving kisses on them. then he’ll place them on his chest and give you a reassuring grin

-when he gets hurt from quidditch you stay next to him the entire time he’s in the hospital wing, the two of you playing cards or helping him plan a future prank

-he holds your chin between his thumb and index finger and kisses you softly. you two have to stop occasionally because one of you will giggle, causing you to nudge your noses together

-he’ll wake up randomly in the middle of the night and nudge you until you stir “go to sleep fred.” “nooo let’s talk, i wanna have a conversation.” “can’t we talk tomorrow, it’s your fault i’m so tired.” “but love, all these thoughts, amazing beautiful one of a kind thoughts are ripe in my mind now, if we talk tomorrow i won’t remember.” “isn’t that a relief?” “c’monnnnnn.”

-a lot of back and forth bickering “wow, i’m speechless.” “finally.” “shut up freddie.” “look who’s talking.” “you are.” “no you are.” “no now you are.” “you. are.” “shut up.” “we’re back at square one i see.”

-the two of you reeling over in laughter, tears slipping down your cheeks and gasping for air (all. the. time.)

-during the train ride to hogwarts he leans against the wall of the cabin while you lean on his chest, then you’ll take everyone's jackets and use them as blankets and pillows. you’ll cuddle, eat random sweets, and nap throughout the entire ride

-he constantly takes pictures of you and he has an entire box filled of them, the box also has tickets from shows you went to together, receipts from random dates you’ve been on and little notes you’ve passed during class. he plans to keep all of these to decorate the flat he hopes he can live in with you

-he will randomly run into your room, drop a bag and rush out as quickly as he came. usually there are your favorite sweets, socks, candles and a new book. in return you try and spoil him as much as spoils you because he deserves the world 

hq boys and their part time jobs.

yet another unseries headcanon post made by yours truly! unlike my last one which you can find here, i won’t be involving every single major hq character so that’s just a heads up!! i can’t always envision stuff fully with every single person...

kageyama tobio: this boy thought that applying to work part-time at a sports shop would be fitting ‘cause of his love for volleyball, completely unaware that this would involve way too much social interaction and tolerance???? like he thought he’d just have to look like someone who does sports and occasionally restock yoga mats but these loud ass kids are coming up to him asking for this that and the other for sports he’s never heard of. suddenly he regrets the entire thing. plus, he has no idea how to use the cash register and it’s his worse nightmare to ring up items without wanting to stomp a hole into it to get the customer’s change.

hinata shoyo: shoyo went straight for the pet shelter because he’s in love with playing with the little puppies. this boy will full on roll around with them, stuff them under his shirt so their heads poke out and just.. intergrate and become one of them... the doggies love him so much n always clamber to sit on his lap because hinata treats them with so much love and kindness!! customers looking for pets often joke about taking him home bc he’s just as excitable and friendly as the actual dogs. he’s also really good at convincing people on the fence to get a pet and explaining their individual personalities because he knows them so well :(

nishinoya yuu: he said: supermarket assistant so he could ride around on the carts, intimidates literally every customer with his ungodly enthusiasm but is determined to help EVERYONE, he’ll run around the store taking people where they need to go but only if he actually remembers where they’re situated. otherwise this boy is like “yeah they’re just... that way.” and bolts in the other direction. gets along with all his colleagues and tells them all about his tournaments with karasuno. he’s not the star employee but it wouldn’t be the same w out him.. often asks the manager if he can taste test the market’s pastry section to which he is rejected every single time.

tanaka ryuu: he’s convinced working in his local gym was him in his element, he wears that tag thing like a badge of honour and just walks around showing people he works there instead of actually doing his job??? he’s also overly enthusiastic and will sometimes cheer on the people working out as if he’s some kind of zealous personal trainer and everybody is like “literally how old is this guy??” he’s surprisingly awesome at reception duty because he’s always chatting to regulars about how they’re doing... the practical side like schedules and paperwork he leaves for someone else, everyone just puts up with him bc he’s a mood setter.

sugawara koushi: don’t get me started on this boy as a teacher’s assistant, like he helps little kids out with their work, tidies up the class during their break times and reads them stories?? he’s THAT senior boy who’s the biggest sweetheart and seeing him handle kids so well is like ... does he want some of his own ?? i’d like to offer my expertise he’s always got a smile on his face, gets along with all the staff much older than him, he’s like this perfect boy they all dote on and he gets super flustered saying he just really likes helping out the children and making them smile. often brings them little snacks too and they all call him big brother BYE.

tsukkishima kei: he does some low-key shit that’s kinda wholesome like working with the eldery or tutoring kids but prefers for literally nobody to know about it because anything he does outside of school is his business. he does it because it’s good pay, there’s not much else to it. if anybody found out he’d be super irritated tbh it’s just an invasion of privacy to him but eventually wouldn’t care because every kid is getting part-time jobs these days.

oikawa tooru: bye he’s THAT guy who got his job at a retail store because he’s pretty. like he has no real interest in clothes or anything but he takes the job as a place to validate himself when girls come up to him purposefully to flirt. he’s winking and laughing with them and also NOT actually doing his job but he brings in customers so at least he’s somewhat useful. doesn’t know how to fold clothes or hang stuff on hangers properly for shit and everyone lowkey wants to kick his ass but he’s actually very friendly and outgoing even if he has no clue what he’s doing. keeps asking if bra sizes come in small, medium and large and everyone just tells him to shut up.

iwaizumi hajime: when picking a job he was like “well what am i good at?” and went from there. he ended up as the local pool’s weekend lifeguard because he had the qualifications and time. again, everyone his age just tries to hit on him and he’s annoyed because it distracts him from the actual purpose of his job. he takes it seriously and impresses his colleagues with his swimming talent and knowledge on first aid. iwaizumi lowkey scares the little kids and they’re kind of afraid to ask him for help so he’s been working on looking a little more friendly.

kuroo tetsurou: kuroo as a tennis instructor assistant or just something sporty other than volleyball because he’s a multi-talented king?? like he’s not a professional by any means but he helps out the youth club and gets along with kids a few years younger than him. fills in for refs at tournaments, makes sure equipment is safe to use and is SUPER good at cheering club goers up when they lose or fail or can’t seem to do it correctly. he often refers to his experiences as nekoma’s captain to relate to them and they really admire his resilience and ask him to tell them more stories!!

kenma kozume: had to be dragged out to do a part-time job. was absolutely against the thought of it until hinata mentioned a friend of his who’d moved to the prefecture near kenma got a job at this new game shop. he was like fine and applied. he just kinda sat and people asked him questions about the games but he refused to do any further socialisation or actual grunt work like shelving, he quit pretty soon after, he just wanted the money to buy a game he ended up purchasing on his way out lmaoo

bokuto koutarou: he was dead set on having a volleyball related job, fukurodani have a club for junior players from all over the city to come and practice together. he was like?!? “and nobody told me??” he’s perfect for it as the captain and ends up as a secondary coach. he shows off A LOT and like kuroo, encourages the kids when they’re down. except kuroo is a more sit down, hand on shoulder, casual talk kind of guy. bokuto gets ridiculously sentimental and tells them dramatically about his lowest memories as captain when fukurodani lost and the kids are genuinely as emotional because of he way he tells it??? idk but they love him and he’s a ball of passion that keeps them going.

akaashi keiji: we are talking pretty waiter at a local gormet restaurant that gets tipped SO MUCH for his true professionalism. knows how to handle every situation with ease and is super calm, doesn’t care at all if someone from his school is there. he’s really just chasing that bag and he’s doing it well. bokuto often picks him up after his shifts so they can do stuff together but akaashi requests it be something calming since he’s tired after work... bokuto is like,, “so no to rock-climbing? alright i’ll reschedule..” the other waiters lowkey HATE the fact he gets tipped so well and they try and figure out his secrets. he has none. he’s just good at his job. i could see kiyoko working a similar job or somewhere lowkey like a flourist or bakery. she’s equally as professional and admired.

ushijima wakatoshi: ANY JOB. give this man any job and he’ll be able to carry it out like he’s been doing it since he popped out the womb. often mistaken for a grown adult so he gets jobs pretty easily? very very professional and aims to do everything perfectly. i think he’d also prefer a vb related job just like bokuto but something that could really get him somewhere big, smth to do with olympics like a paid internship for them .. can you even intern for the olympics lmao?? maybe something for the japanese team. it’s a lot of work to balance school & intern life but he’s very comitted and knows it’ll benefit him in the future. (kageyama was fuming when he found out he could have done that instead of his current gig).

tendou satori: has a job he’s very under-qualified for but somehow pulls off. he’s chilling at the hospital or law firm three times a week after classes or somewhere ridiculous but he’s doing just fine!! doesn’t actually do professional work n helps with small things but it impresses the hell out of everybody he tells, has no interest in persuing those careers but it’s fun for him, he gets paid VERY well for a boy his age and his personality creates a nice, talkative atmosphere in these seemingly tense environments.

miya atsumu / osamu: they both work at a café for novelty because they’re these handsome, athletic twins and it’s a thing that brings people in. they do a lot of fan service stuff and osamu is EXCELLENT like he was made for this job but atsumu is awful at keeping his cool. osamu will be chatting up customers, trying to persuade them to order more and atsumu is having a heated tustle with the coffee machine that’s broken down for the third time that day and it really ruins the magic osamu is trying to create. atsumu has probably sworn loudly. has probably almost been fired. he’s bad at playing along and flirting because he literally just wants them to leave so he can sit down lmao. osamu uses the pastries in the café as inspiration for his own at-home baking fiascos because it’s a stress-reliving hobby.

terushima yuji: he’s that boy in shoe shops that tries to sell you sneakers and he knows literally everything about them even when you really didn’t ask... looking to hit on girls that come in because shoe knowledge is obviously very sexy! alternatively you might catch him in a tattoo shop or sumn real appearance based and he definitely remembers all the regulars and greets them like they’re close friends, we’re talking inside jokes. always seems to know what tattoo people are looking to get purely based on their appearance and initial impression...

the list of unemployed:

yachi: too scared to do ANY job that requires interaction, she’s plagued by it.

hoshiumi: fired for picking too many fights with customers.

kyotani: EVEN WORSE THAN HOSHIUMI though he was strangely very efficient at paperwork.

suna: quit on the first day because it wasn’t what he expected and he doesn’t care about money that much.

lev: his family are like.... rich?? n nobody really expected it but he’s like yeah i really do not need one of those lmao.

yamaguchi: broke things, spilt things, smashed things. he really was trying his best..

aone: intimidated customers too much so they let him go (he was just STANDING THERE.. he deserved better).

sakusa: local venues are filthy, ushijima got the internship spot, no other job interests him enough to persue.

I already know the answer to 💐 for alexandra but I need you to tell the public anyways. also, 🥀 for alexandra as well, 🌠 for quill (I think quill's a level 8 Baby), 💦 for stag, and 🌳 for rufus

TELL THE PU BL IC WHAT??? THAT SHES A BRAT?? DFGKJH. okay okay.

gunna have to put this under a read more.

For Alex

How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? Who cares for them and in what ways? Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need?

Awful. Genuinely unbearable. This woman acts like she has to work 24/7 or her bones will turn into sawdust. She will do anything she can to stay out of a bed, her getting any kind of illness aggravates her to no extent and she makes sure everyone around her knows that. I’d say the main people who fuss over her most is, understandably, Cornelius as its his fucking job but probably Florence? and definitely Quill. Even though she’s usually denied entry as not to catch or spread anything Alex might have.

I wouldn’t say she hates being doted on. She’s prideful and it does feel odd to have someone literally take care of her in that sense because no ones done that since her parents but in a weird way she does appreciate it and shes not one to not thank someone looking out for her. She mind drive Cornelius insane with how much she doesn’t do what he asks but she will thank him at the end of the day when she finally agrees to sleep for a bit. 

It’s very much a “thank you, I really appreciate all of this... but also I am getting out of the bed.” 

Being reversed on the other hand. Alexandra cares a lot of for folks, she isn’t the best at knowing what to do if they’re sick but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t try. She’s always been one to do what she can for other people if she has the means to, it’s why she tries to stay so in tune with her crew and actively ask them if there’s anything that can be done to help if something is truly bothering them. And then all of this kinda got turned up to an 11 when Quill came on board because. 

Well. It’s. Quill. Alexandra had honestly never felt the actual fear of someone getting sick until Quill got sick when she was younger and it actually had her kind of frazzled, because this was no longer an adult she could offer support to this was a child that was her responsibility. She is actually a surprisingly good caregiver though, she’s very diligent and focused with making sure someone is recovering well but not as strict as someone like Cornelius. She won’t give someone too much shit for wanting to get up when they’re sick because hey haha handshake emoji.

How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? What kind of things are written in there? Could you give an example of a nice entry?

Alexandra, for the most part, has a very. Confusing way of writing. She writes pure chicken scratch for one and a lot of her notes can end up sounding utterly confusing. She’s not one to draw unless she REALLY has to because shes not very confident or even really that comfortable with sketching something. Quill’s always been the better visual artist even if her artistic skills aren’t really that great either. 

She’ll often find herself writing things down like ‘Solid Iron. Fire. Moth’s Wing.’ which makes no fucking sense but then she’d explain that something she’s researching will most likely be made out of solid iron, have something to do or be aligned with fire elements and its rumored to cause a supposed affect when Moth’s Wings are used as fuel. But to anyone else its like what the fuck am I reading. 

She actually struggles writing coherently a lot of the time but she had to for her own novels, those honestly ate up so much of her time journeying back from places which was a blessing and a curse because she’d much rather be enjoying being out and about on the deck and enjoying the trip back to land instead of cooped up in her god damn quarters trying to recap shit. 

An example of a more put together entry that you’d find in her novels would be something like: 

‘I believe one of the many things we came across and managed to get our hands on was a Belt of Dwarvenkind. For any readers who might not know what such items are rumored to do let me explain. If you’re not of Dwarven Lineage for starters you can write, read and even speak Dwarvish. (I can confirm, firsthand, that this is very much true. It was one of the first things I ran to check once we got back to my dear ship.) Your vision in the dark improves exceedingly well and according to most sources I could find you handling poisonings or anything that perhaps might have a bit more of a poisonous sting to its arsenal a lot more thoroughly. As much as I’m sure you’re all dying to know my findings on that one I wasn’t exactly in the mood this evening to put that one to the test.

 Though anyone who wears this belt will immediately feel a lot more thoroughly stronger and resilient and I can vouch. There’s also mentions of it being worn makes speaking to Dawrven kind a lot more smoother though that implies that Dwarves aren’t already a wonderful bunch to converse with. Attuning to such an item felt like a no-brainer with all of these wonderful effects but alas three things stood in my way. Belt’s like this don’t exactly suit me, secondly I’d rather give these artifacts the proper home they deserve to be studied in more depth and have at the ready instead of being here with me and I always uphold to that and third... From what little knowledge I could grab, there appears to be a rather common chance for people who don this belt to grow out a full-on beard and... Unfortunately, due to wanting to attempt to attune to the belt and test a few things out I’d rolled rather luckily on such a chance, if you can call it that. So I can confirm firsthand that this side-effect of sorts is entirely true for this belt. Unless something cursed me back in that building to grow a beard. You can never tell’ 

For Quill(and techincally me)

On a scale of 1 - 10 how Baby is your OC? BONUS when asking this question rate the OC yourself as see if the reply matches up!!

I’d say an 8 is pretty much there. 7-8 would’ve been my guess. She might try to act big and strong and put on a whole show of it but really... she is just a soft idiot who really wants to rest her head in someones lap and have her hair played with. 

For Stag!

If you as the writer could erase one traumatic event from this OC’s life what would it be and why?

Honestly? I’d say her dad passing away, especially in the originally way I saw it. As much as its important to the story beats of Stag’s own story, its something as of late I wouldn’t mind reworking into something else. Though I’m also okay with it staying. 

And Rufus!!! 

What is your OC’s favourite way to relax after a stressful day? Do they have a favourite book to curl up with? A hobby? Or do they have a nice bubble bath and have an early night to bed?

Rufus likes to sit and watch things. An ideal evening for them would be watching some birds try to find things for their nests, watching ants carry things back to help their colony. Watching the way the wind shakes the trees as the sun starts to set. 

If there’s nothing really available to focus on reading is their usual go to. They like to read outside if they can, and just gather their thoughts or cook with their mother. Gardening also comes to mind if they really need something to do with their hands but thats only if they’re utterly frustrated and need something to actually focus that negative energy into.

My Only Rival Is Within

(Read on AO3) Square Filled: Rivals for @shadowhunterbingo Pairing: Clary/Jace, gen Jonathan & Jace, Clary & Jonathan  Rating: Teen – Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Tags:  rivals, reluctant truce, jace POV,  Summary: Jace supposes, in a way, that he and Jonathan are ‘rivals’ in a sense... and that means staying with Clary calls for a very reluctant truce.  -------------

“I’m not your… your rival or something,” Jace mutters, looking with brows furrowed at Jonathan. Jonathan was, once again, pointing out something or another he could best Jace at as if their entire coexistence was a constant competition.

“Aren’t you?” Jonathan says, an eyebrow raised in nothing more than simple curiosity while waiting for Jace to reconsider his statement.

He does. He thinks about it a moment because no matter how much he wishes he has no connection to the man standing in front of him he can’t deny that he does, however unwilling. It doesn’t take much serious consideration to realize that they are rivals, in a way.

Valentine raised both of them at the same time, with similar teachings and methods and attention. He kept detailed notes, journals of each boy’s progress, and natural skills, the differences possibly born from Jonathan’s demon blood versus Jace’s angel blood.

Though Valentine never pit them directly against one another in any sort of test or held them to any completely common standard, Jace supposes in a way that they were meant to compete, to compare and see which version of his ‘experiment’ would turn out better.

“If we were, does that mean I won?” Jace says, the words cold and calculated. He would hardly consider his life with Valentine a victory prize but he supposes that it beats out being sent to Edom. He knows, if nothing else, that Jonathan always resented being sent away and uses that to provoke him now.

“Father may have chosen you,” Jonathan replies, tone calm and even despite Jace’s attempt to get a rise out of him. “But we’re both here now, aren’t we? I’d go so far as to say we ended up surprisingly even.” Jonathan pauses. “I may even be ahead. After all, you grew soft during your years with the Lightwoods. I only grew more resilient.”

Jace knows Jonathan is just trying to goad him in return… and it’s working. It’s working better than he hopes he’s showing, with his lips pressed into a tight line to conceal the frown and glare he wants to give him. Jace’s need to prove himself, his desire to show off and demonstrate that he’s superior, twitches in the muscles of his hands as he focuses on keeping them firmly at his side.

“Perhaps we can call a temporary truce,” Jonathan suggests, but the slow smirk that spreads across his lips suggests the words to be anything but a true kindness. “After all,” he continues. “Even Clary doesn’t want to choose between us. Surely we can make peace for her sake?”

Jace’s eyes flicker to through the glass of the coffee shop they stand outside of where Clary stands at the counter, ordering them all drinks. Jace is only here because she wants him here, he knows that… he also knows that she wants to be here with Jonathan, too, at least to some extent. How much of that is her and how much of it the rune he isn’t certain because for what it’s worth Clary seems happier, so much more free, than she has since he met her. It’s difficult for him to want any part of taking that from her.

They don’t have to wonder who Clary would choose between the two of them if forced to, and Jace knows it as well as Jonathan. Jonathan’s made it very clear that so long as Jace plays by his rules he gets to stay, and Jace despises nothing more than knowing he owes Jonathan for this time with Clary, even if it’s only borrowed time.

“Nothing is ever ‘peaceful’ when you’re involved, Jonathan,” Jace mutters, but doesn’t answer the question.

A truce with the man who is everything he hates, the living embodiment of every dark part of himself he fought to overcome?

“Drink up, boys,” Clary’s voice suddenly sounds from beside him, handing them each a white paper cup. He hadn’t even noticed her come back outside he’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts. “We have a long day ahead of us.”

She glances suspiciously between the two boys, sensing the lingering tension. “What were you two talking about out here? You weren’t fighting again, were you?” Clary sighs as if she already knows the answer, but asks anyway.

“Just bonding,” Jonathan supplies quickly, smiling easily. “Jace and I are actually getting along much better now, aren’t we?”

There’s an edge to the question - it’s a repeat of before, the offer of a truce veiled behind his wording around Clary. Jonathan isn’t letting him walk away without an answer, a proper one. Why would he trust Jace even if he said yes now? And how could Jace ever trust him, after everything he’d done? Jace is about to tell him ‘no’ when Clary speaks first.

“Really?” Clary asks, her tone so eager and hopeful it nearly breaks his heart, and Jace is powerless to do anything other than smile and nod.

He feels the shame of defeat sink in with the way Jonathan’s smirk spreads across his face at his victory. Jace hates it and immediately decides he’d much rather go back to being rivals, but one look at the beaming smile on Clary’s face makes it clear that option is no longer on the table.

As long as this is what she wants then he’ll find a way to make it work, at least until he finds another way.

Save Me From Myself

This is a continuation of Don’t Forget Me (Please)

Also, the idea for this comes from this post.

Sans has always been determined. How could he be anything else, to be what he is and do what he does?

If he were anything else, even the smallest iota less secretly stubbornly willful, he would have broken long ago, would have shattered to pieces under the strain of the duty he places on himself.

From the outside, he doesn’t give off the impression that he’d do anything, go against time itself for those he loves. From the outside, he doesn’t give the impression that he cares at all.

In the end, though, his actions will always speak for the truth of him where his words refuse to.

--

A twelve year old Sans sits on the edge of a cliff, kicking his legs back and forth over the steep drop.

The forest continues, so far down below. He can see a small cottage, lit up by some unknown occupant within.

He wonders, silent, what would happen if he jumped. Would he land on a tree, the sharp points of the branches ripping his fragile body to pieces? Would he fall into the snow, his dust mixing with the snow until it became impossible to tell which is which?

What would the world look like, without him? He doesn’t have any parents to miss him if he were gone, doesn’t have any family really, aside from his brother.

And Papyrus would move on in the end, he knows. His brother has always been resilient, has always had something unbreaking at his core, for all his bluster.

What would the world look like without him?

He doesn’t really have any friends. He has associates, acquaintances, but no one in his life he lets close enough to call a friend. He doesn’t have any important contributions to the world, doesn’t have any great accomplishments.

He’s just some kid with low health and more magic than he knows what to do with, in the end.

If he jumped now, what difference would it even make, in the end?

...Well, there is one thing. Just one thing for the world that only Sans can and will provide. The encounter was months ago, now, but he can’t very well forget it.

Without Sans, there’s no one to tell Sienna’s mom that she’s dead, if monsters ever reach the surface. No one down here to remember that soul in a jar as a person with thoughts and feelings.

It’s small, but he promised her. He said he’d remember.

And it’s not like he really wants to kill himself, in the end. No matter the exhaustion and dissatisfaction he feels with his daily life, no matter that he can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, there’s still a whole world, a whole wealth of knowledge and beauty and despite how tiring it is to exist, he wants to see it.

He wants to see tomorrow, not because he thinks it’ll be any brighter, but because he can’t experience everything the world has to offer today.

It’s this thought that’s still in his mind when the snow beneath him shifts, and he slides right off the edge of the cliff.

It’s the thought that damn it, he isn’t done yet that follows him down the side with the small avalanche.

It’s the complete and utter refusal to die here and now that he holds tight as the tip of a tree impales his ribcage, his body being prised apart by the force of gravity and the surprisingly effective wedge that is the branch beside his sternum.

His last thought as he turns to dust is that he refuses to let it end like this.

--

Sans comes to with a start, dropping back into awareness suddenly enough that he’d gasp, if he had lungs.

He almost falls off the bench, but he manages to grasp the back in time to stay on.

His head feels like it’s been stuffed with dynamite and blown to bits, and he struggles to remember the events that just transpired.

He’d been… talking with that human, right? Sienna? The one who was probably going to die?

...Something about that “probably” feels wrong. He presses a hand to his face, harshly digging his fingers into his skull, hoping the discomfort will clear his mind a bit.

He could swear he’d been in Snowdin a moment ago, but it made no sense. Sienna had only left an hour or so ago. And he knew he’d spent that time thinking, so why did he remember being in Snowdin too?

He presses a hand to his ribcage, just beside his sternum, without conscious thought.

The cloth is perfect and whole.

...Sans is perfect and whole.

The memories of the past three months come back in a rush, and this time he does fall off the bench.

Has he gone back in time? Is that even possible?

Without bothering to get off of the ground, he props a hand under his chin. What are the possibilities here? 

Because while suddenly finding himself back on the bench he hasn’t visited in three months and having difficulty remembering what’s happened since for a few moments is extremely odd, jumping straight to time travel is more than a bit of a logical leap.

First things first: He remembers being impaled and turning to dust, and if he accepts hallucination as a possibility here he’s going to drive himself insane.

...Which kind of does rule out anything other than time travel, actually. Huh.

Ok, so how far back is he? Is he back to just a few moments before his unfortunate tumble, or the whole three months?

Thankfully, this is easy enough to test. He just has to go to somewhere populous and see if there are any monsters around, since there was a lockdown while Sienna was underground.

He teleports to Snowdin, because if someone sees him there they won’t know him to think it’s anything but some reckless teenager.

Looking around, the only footprints in the snow are his own. The shop and inn are closed, doors locked, and he can see the bar is locked up as well.

He teleports back to the bench and considers his next move.

He’s three months in the past. Nothing in particular has happened, since Sienna’s romp through the underground, so it’s not like he has any disasters to prevent or anything. (Aside from that time he told a waiter to enjoy their meal, of course)

It’s odd, he supposes, being in this situation. He’s now in a position to undo all the blunders he’d made last time, but he’s not far enough back for there to really be anything he wants to change.

Actually, that raises another question. If he’s gone back once, can he do it again? He’s not going to kill himself to test, obviously. That would probably be a bad idea, but he remembers that desperate determined feeling he’d had as he fell, and wonders if he could replicate it.

He tries as hard as he can to summon every bit of will he possesses, focusing it all on the desire to go back, to start again.

To reset.

His determination rises to a crescendo, his magic howling, and the world goes dark for a moment…

And he’s once again sitting on the bench, thankfully sans the confusion, the second time around.

Woo! Science, baby!

What’s he going to do now? Obviously this is powerful, this ability to turn time itself to his whims, so what great deeds will he undertake, now that he apparently never needs to worry about failure again?

...Holy shit. 

Sans has thought of an amazing idea, one that will change the world as he knows it, irreversibly altering the status quo even more so than this revelation has already shattered it.

This is going to change everything.

Sans pulls a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, unfolding it to reveal a series of half finished math equations.

He walks to the river a few feet from where he’s sitting and yeets it in, because with this power…

Sans is never going to have to do homework ever again.

Also, he’s going to read every book in the underground and no one can stop him.

Au Jed(Danny)/Claudette~ Claudette has never been able to surprise her fiancee Jed. But when she receives shocking news she just might have finally done so.~Ps maybe he can still be Ghostface somehow.

Oh I’m definitely gonna make this about pregnancy. Sorry it’s taking so long for content. Long story short I’m sad lol

They’ve been together for 3 years, and all 3 years she never got any of her little schemes to work. Jed has been scaring her heart right out of her throat almost every other day, and she was never able to get him back. The man was unsurprisable it seemed. She didn’t know where he got his resilience from or the way he can expertly stalk after her in complete silence, but he needed to teach her how to do it too.

She’s tried everything from trying to sneak up on him, to popping out of corners with a scary mask on. She even tried one of those ‘fake your death and have your boyfriend find you’ pranks, and nothing ever worked. He always gave her a simpathetic side smile and a pat on the head everytime she tried, but he never gave the reaction she wanted. Claudette sighed and threw herself back onto the couch. She was ready to throw in the towel.

“Well I guess I should make dinner.” She said to herself as she stood. Jed usually gets home at around 6, but he’s been getting home a lot later now. He said he’s doing some more research for a new big scoop he was writing. Claudette trusted him and didn’t worry about it too much. He’d always be back before 9 and would spend the rest of the night with her.

To be honest she’s mainly making dinner for him. She hasn’t been able to stomach a meal for a good week now. Her period was also pretty late and she knows why. She got a pregnancy test yesterday and took it earlier today and found out she was pregnant. She couldn’t wait to tell Jed about their future child. Her one worry would be she didn’t know how he would take the news. It shouldn’t be too bad, but they’ve only been together for 3 years and were going to have their wedding in another year or so. She’d understand if he was a little stressed, but she knew all would go well in the end. She was going to tell him after dinner, maybe before they watch the movie Claudette wanted to see.

She’d cooked for a good 40 minutes before she heard Jed coming through the front door. Dinner was pretty much done so she started to set a plate out for him and wait for him to walk into the kitchen.

“Hey hon, how was your day today?” He walked behind her and kissed her cheek. She smiled softly, setting the plate back down, and turned to hug him. He looked a bit more disheveled than usual, and it looked like he had bandaged a recently cut wound on his hand. She wondered if he had gotten into another fight while trying to interview another unruly witness. It’s something that happens more often than she’d like. Jed is known for his smart mouth and somewhat snarky remarks, and others don’t think it’s as charming as she does.

“I’m good, but what happened to you? You look a bit... ruffled.” Jed took a moment to look down at himself and back up at her with a knowing grin.

“I met someone today who didn’t quite like the way I like to get my stories,” He gave a dark chuckle and looked to the food that she’d made. “But that’s besides the point. I’m starving!”

She frowned at his words, but chose to let it go this time. “Well it’s already finished if u wanna help yourself. I’m not really hungry so I won’t fix myself a plate.”

Now it was Jed’s turn to frown. He turned off the stove and when to grab another plate for her anyway. “Claudette you haven’t been eating much at all lately. I noticed that you’ve been getting tired more lately too. Are you sick?”

Claudette looked at him for a minute in deep thought. She guessed it wouldn’t hurt to mention the news now. She looked down, sighed, and wrung her hands together trying to find the words.

“I’m not sick, I-,” she paused and took another soft breath. “Jed... I’m pregnant. I found out earlier this morning.”

She’s never seen this look on his face before. His eyebrows shot up to his hairline, mouth agape and eyes bulging. Not a sound game out of his mouth as he went ridgid. It took her a second to realize that this was him surprised and in shock. She wouldn’t have expected to finally be the one to not only see that look on his face, but also be the one that caused it. She would’ve rejoiced in her impossible achievement, if it weren’t for the fact that he was definitely not breathing.

“Jed are you alright?” She spoke frantically putting a hand on his shoulder. That seemed to be the final straw as the man’s eyes started to roll back and he began to tip back towards the floor.

“Jed! Oh my god!” She did her best to cushion his fall by trying to ease him onto the floor. Claudette not being the strongest person ever, and Jed being surprisingly heavy. She frantically ransacked her kitchen for a glass and water, and tried to see if she could revive the passed out man. She hoped this wasn’t how he reacted to everything that greatly surprises him, otherwise it’s probably for the best that he’s not so easily spooked. She took the time to laugh to herself at his predicament. Maybe she should’ve waited after dinner.

Taking Chakra Nature to 11: some headcanons

Buckle up because it’s gonna be a long ride.

So one of the things that makes Naruto so attractive as a fandom (as opposed to as a franchise) is that there’s all this tantalizing potential that was never realized, just waiting for someone to pick it up and expand on it. In particular, some writers are worldbuilders by nature and some are just not. (Tolkien would be an example of a extremely worldbuilding-focused writer.) Kishimoto is in the “just not” category.

Chakra nature is a great example of a part of the Naruto world that could be taken up to eleven. Why? Well, there’s the good old “why not” reason, which is sufficient in itself, but also, people just love categorization. There’s a reason why people always want to sort themselves for Hogwarts houses, endlessly prattle about zodiac signs, and why the Naruto databooks include bloodtype. But they don’t! Include! Chakra nature!!!!

That’s frankly ludicrous. The chakra natures in the corner merely indicate which chakra natures that person can utilize, not which is their own nature; this isn’t very helpful because some people like Kakashi can use all five. Moreover, one of the very major characters of the franchise--the anti-hero, Sasuke--is shown to be fire natured yet to largely prefer lightning techniques, making it clear that chakra nature is not 1-to-1 correlated with someone’s most frequent jutsu.

And it’s not like Kishimoto would have had to do a huge amount of work coming up with chakra nature connections to personality and society, because these five elements already exist as a powerful Japanese cultural concept. 

He simply needed to connect that to the Naruto world and its characters.

But I guess I need to do all the work around here! :3c

Regarding kekkei genkai--I headcanon that even people with kekkei genkai have a primary nature, but you could also combine two natures instead.

Earth Nature (Earth, Dirt, Stone) 地 and 土

Examples of Canon Characters: ??? (I don’t think we’re ever explicitly told that a character is earth nature, although many characters use earth release) Examples of Headcanon Characters: Haruno Sakura, Oonoki, Deidara, Suigetsu, Sasori Personality Traits (not all found in each person obviously): Stable, stubborn, inflexible, endurance, short-tempered, wise, reliable, responsible, sense of perspective, patient, centred, literal Common Body Types: Mesomorphic (muscular); may be lean or broad; shorter than average (closer to hell); blunt fingers (but often surprisingly deft and precise) Climate Interactions: Earth natured people tolerate both heat and cold pretty well. When it’s cold they dress warmly and when it’s hot they dress for that too. Sensible. Japanese symbol: square; Naruto uses the kanji 土 rather than 地 for some reason; they both mean earth and the differences are too subtle to go into briefly Why does earth dominate water/water enhance earth? Earth stops the flow of water and can control its shape. Water can imbue earth with more weight and power, including fertile power. What does this mean for the Land of Earth? “That’s the way we’re going to do it. We’ve always done it that way.” The Land of Earth in my headcanon was the last and slowest great nation to centralize/organize, however, slow and steady may win the race as it has had very little internal conflict. Other Notes: Earth nature? In my Sakura? It’s more likely than you think.

Kakashi did the chakra nature test when Sakura wasn’t around and then, as far as we can tell, never even bothered to find out what hers was???? LOLsob. Tertiary materials like games usually make Sakura water natured, but I prefer earth nature for her. She definitely can use earth jutsu. Her personality, strengths and flaws, seems to fall along earth lines rather than water lines. In addition, I just like the balance of Team 7 when Sasuke and Naruto are fire-wind and Sakura is across the circle at earth; most of my headcanon teams follow that kind of pattern.

“Okay, but Suigetsu? Earth nature? Now you’re just fucking with us.” Not at all; I’m going after one of Kishimoto’s own weird choice to constantly remind us that Suigetsu is weak to lightning. Now I’m sure that Kishimoto just meant “if lightning strikes water you’re in for a bad time” and nothing deeper than that, but in the five elements pattern of domination, it’s earth that is weak against lightning jutsu.

There’s no reason Suigetsu can’t be an earth natured person who specializes in water jutsu, anymore than Sasuke’s fire nature stops him from specializing in electric jutsu. Perhaps, and this is all headcanon but it’s fun so just try and stop me, it is Suigetsu’s earth chakra nature that helps keep his body from completely falling apart and dissipating while he’s performing his unique ability to turn into water?

Water Nature 水

Examples of Canon Characters: Tobirama Examples of Headcanon Characters: Sai, Kisame, Hashirama, Kabuto, Personality Traits: Adaptable, flexible, progressive, curious, reactive, emotional, mutable, gullible, empathic, unstable, resilient, morose, sensitive Common Body Types: Endomorphic (soft, higher in body fat); taller than average; long-limbed with flexible joints; larger hands and feet with tapered digits Climate Interactions: Poor water nature people. They hate heat. They hate cold. They hate humidity. They hate super dry environments. Basically, they are volatile and easily bothered by all kinds of things, including temperature and climate. Japanese symbol: Circle Why does water dominate fire/fire enhance water? Water douses flame, obviously. Fire can turn water into steam, expanding its range and potential. What does this mean for the Land of Water? Oh my God, is the Land of Water ever volatile in canon! This can be bad obviously (hello, kekkei genkai genocide) but it doesn’t necessarily have to be so. The Land of Water went within about a dozen years from mass genocide of kekkei genkai to having a leader with two kekkei genkai (the criminally underused Terumi Mei). There’s no inertia here. You can’t ever relax, but you can potentially really change things, including people’s hearts and minds. Other Notes: none at the moment

Fire Nature 火

Examples of Canon Characters: Sasuke, Madara, Itachi, Obito, THE UCHIHA Examples of Headcanon Characters: Tsunade, Orochimaru, Jiraiya, Hiruzen (aka gee I wonder if drama will happen here); Guy Personality Traits: Passionate, reforming, self-righteous, ambitious, driven, creative, focused, confident, fragile, extreme, energetic, motivated, tenacious, greedy, proud, idealistic, resentful Common Body Types: Ectomorphic (lean); high metabolism; average height; great skin and hair (because of their great circulation); either super healthy or near death, no in-between Climate Interactions: Fire people are always hot. They are the people who wear shorts all year round and start a revolution with their tiddies out (yes I’m looking at you Sasuke). They are not particularly bothered by external weather. Japanese symbol: Triangle Why does fire dominate wind/wind enhance fire? Fire consumes air and becomes stronger, like canon tells us. What does this mean for the Land of Fire? I headcanon that because of its central location on the map and prosperity, the Land of Fire has the most diverse population in terms of chakra natures, so while fire nature is the majority there are still a larger number of other natures than most countries. (From a meta perspective, this also makes it more fun to write a Konoha-centric story.) However, the Will of Fire and Konoha’s idealism is a definite Big Mood and something that other nations notice. Other Notes: I imagine that this element is most likely to be the chakra nature of those whose bloodline abilities are strongly connected with Yang Release.

Wind Nature (Wind, Air) 風

Examples of Canon Characters: Y’already know who it is!!! (blaring air horn) Oh and Asuma. Examples of Headcanon Characters: Temari, Baki, Gaara, Chiyo Personality Traits: Free-spirited, distractible, innovative, unorthodox, open, relaxed, compassionate, empathetic, benevolent, charitable, loving, evasive, passive-aggressive, impulsive, withdrawn, avoidant, penetrating Common Body Types: Lean or muscular, average to short Climate Interactions: Throw on a shirt, and then a sweatshirt over the shirt and a cloak around the sweatshirt because wind people are always cold. “Cold hands, warm heart” often applies to them. They like heat and aren’t bothered by humidity or dryness. Japanese symbol: Crescent Why does wind dominate lightning/lightning enhance wind? Well, it doesn’t, because lightning as an element makes no sense. But void, on the other hand, does. Void is a vacuum, and air rushes to fill a vacuum without itself being harmed by the vacuum. What does this mean for the Land of Wind? Wind people have a lot of openness and caring but also voted Most Likely to Sulk for a Hundred Years When Things Go Wrong. The Land of Wind in canon appears to be the least naturally rich in the essentials of life (water, food, etc), and to have the most dickish daimyo, so it’s kind of unsurprising that the Wind leadership collectively got hella depressed after their one bad idea after another failed. Other Notes: They say in canon that the wind chakra nature is “rare” but I’m headcanoning that this just means “rare in the Land of Fire”.

Lightning (Electricity, Void, Vacuum, Nothingness) 雷 or 空

Examples of Canon Characters: Kakashi Examples of Headcanon Characters: Hinata, Neji, Shikamaru, Darui, Sakumo, Killer Bee Personality Traits: Mysterious, thoughtful, reflective, fatalistic, imperturbable,  spontaneous, quick, detached, aware, intuitive, selfless, passive, negative, wise, analytical, elegant, eccentric Common Body Types: Most diversity in body type Climate Interactions: The least bothered by external temperatures. Aware of them, but probably dresses however regardless. Japanese symbol: Jewel-shape Why does lightning dominate earth/earth enhance lightning? Again, it only makes sense if the element is void or vacuum. While air filling a vacuum is essentially unharmed, earth-y substances don’t handle decompression well. (Imagine if Lightning Release could be used for explosive decompression based jutsu... now that’s scary.) What does this mean for the Land of Lightning? “We’re talking about the issues but we’re keeping it funky” is a line from Flight of the Conchords, but it is also how I imagine a culture that is majority Lightning-nature people best functioning. Other Notes: none at the moment

All of the above is just some ideas to play with! And of course there’s the pondering about how chakra nature is passed on--is it genetic? Epigenetic (traits that can be switched on or off by environmental factors)? Do two people who have children together pass on the more dominant nature? Is that perhaps why Wind nature is rarest in the Land of Fire (because Fire and Wind parents will always pass on Fire)? What are the chakra nature patterns in the little countries?

Feel free to play with my ideas, expand, change them, whatever! No need for credit if you do.

compilation post of whichever bbc america employee who wrote the captain’s blogs being an ally and a hero via treating janto as more than just a sex joke, being genuinely warm and funny, and mentioning ianto super fondly in nearly every single entry (especially s2) because jack is in love with him despite what everyone else would have you believe. but i, a gay, know, and so does bbc america social media staffer circa 2007-2008.

some may call this “fringe canon.” i call it “some of the only specks of canon that respect the show’s canon gay relationship as the loving and affectionate relationship that it is.”

text pulled from ianto’s desktop, which is a fun read despite the defunct photobucket embeds - i only included captain’s blog stuff, but there’s a couple more janto tidbits in there. none as nice as these, though. under a cut because it is Long.

season 1

(one really cool thing the writer did for early season one is have jack note unexplained energy surges in the lower levels of the hub - handy foreshadowing for cyberwoman)

1x03 (ghost machine - alien tech leads to murder mystery):

Other issues: According to Ianto, Splott is pronounced "Sploe". I think Ianto may have been lying.

Upcoming issues: Energy surges in the lower areas of the hub still unexplained; there have been several more in the past week. Ianto volunteered to investigate, but has not discovered an explanation yet.

1x04 (cyberwoman - the episode where ianto’s secrets are revealed and we all have a Bad Time):

Other Staff issues: Ianto Jones temporarily suspended from active duty, to return at my discretion. His love for Lisa clouded his judgment, and he made some serious mistakes - but I have to wonder if I would have done the same thing in his situation. Ianto's personal needs and emotional state have been overlooked; I should not have missed something like this. During his suspension, I will try to spend more time with him. Hopefully we can establish a closer working relationship.

1x05 (small worlds - the one where the “fairies” abduct the little girl and jack has to let them, which makes everyone else very mad at him):

Staff: Ianto Jones' first week back after his suspension four weeks ago. I have tried to put him at ease, and have briefed the team to be as sympathetic as possible. Obviously there is a level of resentment remaining, but they are trying.

Other Staff issues: After what happened with Jasmine, nobody is talking to me (except Ianto). They'll come around. Everyone comes around.

1x06 (countrycide - the one with the cannibals and we all have a Bad Time):

Staff: Brought Ianto Jones along to get him out of the Hub, out of the city, get some relaxing time in the country with the team. May not have been the best decision I made this year.

1x07 (greeks bearing gifts - mindreading and predatory lesbian, the episode):

Other Staff issues: Ianto is still suffering, but putting on a brave face. Will try talking to him over dinner, outside the Hub, see if there's anything more I can do for him.

1x08 (they keep killing suzie - the episode that ends with ianto hitting on jack with a stopwatch):

Other Staff issues: Ianto and I stayed back to go over the case files and reorganize the safe. Internal security cameras were temporarily shut down to run diagnostic tests, so there was no monitoring of the Hub for approximately four hours - but there were no security breaches to report. Everything went very smoothly.

Upcoming issues: Need to requisition a new stopwatch. Old one damaged while moving a desk.

1x09 (random shoes - outsider pov, the episode):

Staff: Things seem to be calming down with everyone. Ianto is coping well; I'm pleased with his progress.

1x11 (combat - owen has manpain and fights weevils. whatever):

Other Staff issues: Ianto surprisingly proficient at the good cop/bad cop routine. Although obviously, he's the good cop. He's too cute to be the bad cop.

1x12 (captain jack harkness - jack and tosh are stuck back in time during the cardiff blitz and owen and ianto fight about what to do about it):

Other Staff issues: Ianto tried to stop Owen opening the Rift, and actually shot him in the shoulder. Everyone except Owen is finding this very amusing.

season 2

2x01 (kiss kiss bang bang - jack returns from his doctor who appearance, deals with his terrible ex spike from buffy, and asks ianto out on a proper date):

Other Staff issues: Gwen is now engaged. I'm happy for her, but I'm concerned about what it might mean - can she stay here, still keeping everything from Rhys? I worry that we're going to lose her. And I worry about Ianto. I think he took it harder than anyone when I ran off. It's going to take me a while to make things up to him. He is a decent, good man, and I'm lucky I met him.

2x02 (sleeper agent - the episode with sleeper agents):

Other security issues: Gwen taken hostage again. I’m beginning to think she’s jinxed. And why am I never taken hostage? I could be a good hostage. I never get any of that Stockholm Syndrome action. And according to Ianto, my bad cop routine needs some work.

Other Staff issues: I’m in trouble with Ianto for duct-taping a CB aerial to the SUV. Apparently the tape made the wing mirror “disconcertingly sticky”. Still, nothing a bit of warm, soapy water can’t fix.

2x03 (a man out of time - tosh’s cryo-boyfriend they unfreeze once every year. also, jack and ianto Have A Talk and then make out):

Other Staff issues: Ianto and I made some progress, talked things through. What happened with Tommy got to us all. I know it got to Gerald and Harriet, too, back then, considering what they went through to try and make up for it – but that’s another story for another day.

2x04 (meat - the episode with the whale and rhys finding out. some of the team gets taken hostage and ianto tazes a bad guy in the head and growls out “pray they survive.” or something and it’s VERY GOOD TELEVISION):

Staff: Ianto turned into a fighting, kicking, stun-gun machine, it was very exciting. I must get put in danger more often.

2x05 (adam - an alien infiltrates their memories and inserts himself into the team, and his plot is foiled by ianto reading his diary and finding inconsistencies because he’s Very Clever):

Other security issues: The only thing out of place was Ianto’s diary, which I found in my office. Naturally, I gave it back to him immediately after reading through it. Several interesting factual errors in there - and I thought he would know how to convert inches to centimetres. You think you know someone...

2x06 (reset - martha visits and owen ‘dies’):

Security: Must speak to Ianto about using names from ‘’Sex and the City’’ on fake IDs. Last week he sent me into an alien smuggling operation as ‘’Mr Big’’, without telling me. Wish I knew how he kept a straight face. I’d give him a stern talking-to, but I think he enjoys that too much.

(right after this is a very solemn paragraph about owen dying lmfao)

2x07 (dead man walking - jack resurrects owen and owen has manpain about it):

Other Staff issues: In big trouble with Ianto for risking everything to go and get the second glove. I should have told him before I went, but he’d probably have cuffed me to the chair to stop me. And I’ve fallen for that one way too many times.

2x08 (a day in the death - owen continues to have manpain):

Other Staff issues: Now that we have all tried, it is clear that only Ianto knows how to operate that damn coffee maker. I suspect it contains alien technology.

2x09 (something borrowed - gwen gets married, but not before playing host to shapeshifting pregnancy alien):

Security: ... Female Nostrovite proved to be extremely resilient to bullets, so I had to get my massive weapon out and take care of business. Ianto is still quietly chuckling about that now, days later. Gwen’s mother taken hostage. Must run in the family.

2x10 (from out of the rain - the terribly written ianto-’centric’ episode about circus film reel ghosts):

Alien activity: ... We only managed to save one of them, but that’s better than nothing. Sometimes in this job, one is enough. I can still see the faces of the people we lost - they weren’t part of this, they were just living their lives, until they were taken. Ianto took it badly, this one really got to him.

Staff: Have convinced Ianto to take me to a normal cinema, to see an actual movie. He’s also curious to know if I still have my old circus outfit. If I can find it, I think a private show is in order.

2x11 (adrift - gwen pursues a mystery about the people the rift takes and then puts back traumatized, even though jack resists. ianto is the one who gives her the info she needs. she also walks in on them naked in the greenhouse. wild):

Staff: Gwen would never have found the facility if Ianto hadn’t helped her. He was wrong to do that. But, of course, he was actually right in the end. There’s no way Gwen would have let it go. I should have trusted her with the information, but I knew what it would do to her. Sometimes, the only way to realise that you shouldn’t look behind that door is to actually go and look. Gwen learned that. Nikki learned that. We all did.

Other Staff issues: Seeing Gwen experience it for the first time took me right back to when I first heard that terrible scream. After Gwen had gone home, I just held on to Ianto for a couple of hours, as tightly as I could.

2x12 (fragments - a bomb explodes and everyone gets a flashback to how they joined torchwood 3 as jack and gwen rescue them from the rubble):

Staff: Everyone came out of the explosion pretty beaten up, but no major damage. We got lucky. And so did John. Because if he’d killed anyone - if he had hurt Ianto - I would have slowly ripped him limb from limb.

Other Staff issues: Although I have to say, Ianto does look good all messed up and dirty.

2x13 (exit wounds - jack’s brother comes back and blows up half of cardiff and kills owen and tosh):

Other Staff issues: The one glimmer of hope in all this? I still have Ianto and Gwen. Whatever the future throws at us, whatever madness the Rift vomits out next, whatever we have to face - Torchwood will be ready.

Capt. Jack Harkness.

Ianto, I know you’re reading this over my shoulder, pretending to fix that damn shelf. So get over here and take me out somewhere.

My way to Tartu

I have always wanted to travel abroad for postgraduate studies to see the world and meet new people. I did not just want to study, I wanted it to be in a calm, scenic and affordable place. It was therefore love at first sight when I came across the University of Tartu on

studyportals.com

late December 2019. By January 2020 I had put together my application and applied for the MA programme in International Law and Human Rights. My joy knew no bounds when on the 7thof May 2020, right amidst the gloomy lockdown and the Covid-19 global pandemic, I received a conditional offer from the University of Tartu. I proceeded immediately to fulfil the conditions of my offer and mailed the relevant documents to the admissions department for consideration. On the 30thof June 2020, I received an email confirming my enrolment and my arduous but rather exciting journey to Tartu began. Due to the Covid-19 pandemic and most countries under lockdown, it was not clear how I was going to make it to Estonia. To compound my worries, there is no Estonian embassy in Nigeria my home country and the closest Estonian representation is in Egypt. I got really agitated when other institutions in Estonia began to cancel or postpone admission offers of third country students but my worries were laid to rest when I received an email notifying me that studies would be held online until most students are able to make it to Estonia. I paid my tuition even when it wasn’t yet clear that I would make it to Estonia. The closest Estonian embassy to Nigeria is in Egypt and so I wrote to the Consulate to book a date. I got a prompt response and was scheduled for the 3rdof November 2020. To travel to Egypt however, I needed an Egyptian visa and also had to apply to the Egyptian embassy in Nigeria. On my visit to the Egyptian embassy I was informed that visit and tourist visas were as then suspended due to the Covid-19 pandemic. I met similar disappointment at the Turkish, Israeli and Belarusian embassies. I was considering differing my studies to the next academic session when I got the good news that a new Estonian embassy will be opening in the United Arab Emirates (UAE). I quickly wrote to the Embassy and secured the 12th of November 2020 for an appointment and cancelled my appointment with the Estonian embassy in Egypt. I had no problem securing a tourist visa to the UAE however, the Estonian Embassy following the regulations in place in the capital city of Abu Dhabi, required that all visitors to the embassy must have stayed within the UAE for at least 14 days before their appointments. So on the 26th of October 2020 I left Nigeria for the first time in my life after taking the Covid-19 test and getting a negative result. I was excited about what lies ahead but I was also sad about leaving my family and friends. I boarded Rwandair with two stopovers in Accra and Kigali, the longest I have ever travelled by air. I arrived Dubai, UAE on the 27th of October 2020 to meet my cousins who were to host me waiting to receive me. I took another Covid-19 test before leaving the airport and travelling to Ajman where my cousins live and study. I settle in Ajman quickly and quite enjoyed my stay there. My daily routine included taking a short walk to the Starbucks café where I use the free internet to participate in lectures or following my cousins to the neighbouring city of Sharjah to use the public library for my assignments and course work. Days rolled into weeks and my appointment with the embassy was approaching. Sincerely, I was worried; prior to my interview, I had never been to a visa interview. The UAE visa I applied for was done online and physical presence or interview was not required. I was worried about being rejected after I had left my job at home, paid my tuition and said goodbye to friends and family. Before then however, my birthday was the 9th of November and my cousins and new friends made it a memorable one with a little celebration which took my mind off the pressure of the visa application and appointment. To visit the Estonian Embassy in Abu Dhabi, I had to take another Covid-19 test to be allowed in at the border. I took the test on the 10th of November and the result was ready by the 11th November. I readied all the needed documents and my credentials and set out early on the 12th of November from Ajman to meet up with my 11:30am appointment with the Embassy in Abu Dhabi. I arrived the Abu Dhabi border at about 7:45am and to my dismay, the border police denied me entry and asked my cousin who volunteer to drive me to the embassy to turn back. I was shocked to my core, I had all the necessary documents and I had taken the compulsory Covid-19 test; so why am I asked to turn back? As I am not one to give up easily, I asked my cousin to make a U-turn and try again. The same officer once again asked us to turn back, this time angrily. I tried to explain to him that I had an important appointment to catch-up with but he was not interested in anything I had to say. The officer then told me that Nigerian passport holders are not allowed into Abu Dhabi. I was perplexed and realised the officer was acting on his own volition as there was no prior official announcement to that effect. He ordered us to turn back and once again I was denied entry. Not knowing what to do, we parked at a gas station from where I called the Estonian embassy to explain my ordeal. The voice at the other end of the phone was so assuring and agreed to move my appointment by an hour if I can make it in. We drove to the border for the third time hoping for a miracle or a different officer and luckily this time we were attended to by a different and really amiable officer who only check my passport, confirmed I took the Covid-19 test and set me on my way. The experience at the border really shook me and I arrived at the embassy looking very distraught. Surprisingly the lady that attended to me was very friendly as though to compensate for my unpleasant experience at the border. I explained the challenge I encountered getting into Abu Dhabi and the embassy offered to have my passport delivered to me in Ajman when a decision is taken provided I make the necessary arrangement with a courier company. I took the offer with both hands, thanked the consular official and left. On the 16th of November 2020, I received an email confirming that a decision had been taken on my visa application and on the 17th of November the courier company I had earlier contracted delivered my passport with the Estonian visa stamped in it. I booked a Lufthansa flight and left the UAE in the wee hours of the 21st of November 2020. I had a 12 hours layover in Frankfurt, Germany and arrived Tallinn airport around 1:30am on the 22nd November 2020. As the taxi drove me to the hostel where I would be isolating for the next ten days in compliance with the Covid-19 regulations, I wound down the window and to allow some of the drizzling cold Estonian rain touch my face. I then, like William E. Henley “thank(ed) whatever gods may be…” for my resilient spirit – probably the same manner of resilience that has kept the University of Tartu going since 1632. Same manner of resilience I would be needing to excel in my programme for the next two years.

Submission by Emmanuel Jonathan

A Whole New World Pt. 8

Me and Aaliyah get up and I get ready for the job. “You sure you can do this? I mean you are going to have to use magic to heal and restore nature and fertile ground to the whole village, I hope you have enough stored up to do it.” Aaliyah says while getting reading. “Yeah yeah I think I’ll be fine, let’s go, no time like the present!” I grab the flyer and we both head out. 

After checking out of hotel room we find the village leader who posted the job, “my my you are both quite young, I hope you can do it” I just smile “I’m sure I can don’t worry ma’am, I’ll come back after I’m done, and I’m sure you’ll know when I finish.” Me and Aaliyah walk to the center of the village. I sigh and stretch a bit and crack my neck to hype myself up.

“Okay here goes nothing” I say as I kneel down putting both my hands on the ground and feeling the earth beneath my fingertips. I can definitely feel the  dead- ness of this area, but I think I can fix it, it’s gonna cost a lot of magic for this whole village but, no going back now. I breathe in and out and close my eyes and begin the spell of regrowth “Bring back life to this earth, take the soil and nature and bring life back to this once green town, incrementum!” (Latin for regrowth im not creative) as I feel magic flow through my body after a bit I realize how truly taxing this spell is, but I keep pushing. After a bit I start to sweat and my body really starts to take the toll of the spell, ah come on Hannah you can do this you are almost there I can feel it

I keep pushing myself as the spell is almost complete on the whole village I’m panting and feel my body going almost numb. I almost pass out but manage to complete the spell and I open my eyes and the village is flush green with new flowers in bloom all around us. I smile as I fall over on what feels like the verge of death but I manage to laugh as Aaliyah quickly rushes to me and shakes me “I’m okay, just need some rest, I can’t really move my body right now” 

As I say that laying there on the rejuvenated dirt I feel a rumbling coming deep from the Earth under us. “What the hell is happening” Aaliyah says as she gets up, I can barely turn my head to look as a giant creature burst from the ground near the edge of the village. My eyes go wide but I still can’t move my body “Oh fuck!” Aaliyah shouts “Hannah just stay here I’ll go try to fight it off” she says as she runs towards it. 

“Aaliyah wait” I say trying to move my arm weakly, shit Hannah, you did this didn’t you? Doing the spell that healed the Earth here must have awakened this monster. Aaliyah can’t take it on by herself, oh god help us. I try to move again but still can’t find any energy in my body, “shit come on move you stupid body help your friend!” I say with tears pricking my eyes but my body stays still. All I can do is look as Aaliyah does fire magic on the monster but it seems almost resilient to it. 

It grabs her and starts to squeeze her “No stop! Aaliyah!” I try to scream as I move my arm a bit but I start panicking and my brain gets dizzy from trying to move around too much. Suddenly over the panic of people running around I see a huge blast of lightning hit the monster and I see it go down almost immediately. My eyes widen again “could it be...” and I see a large figure walking towards me and “oh shit” I say as Laxus towers over me while I’m laying down. He looks angry beyond belief but he also looks... worried? 

He sighs and picks me up carrying me bridal style, and if I wasn’t on the verge of passing out I would have probably blushed like crazy being so close to him, and him carrying me, but I’m way to tired to care. “Aaliyah..” i say barely able to get her name out and he looks down at me “Shes fine, Freed is getting her.” I smile “thank you god” I whisper before passing out in Laxus’s arms. 

When I wake up I look around and sit up in a bed “where..Oww crap” I say holding my head, “God I feel hungover again’ I groan before all my memories come back from when I passed out and I look around before my eyes land on a glaring Laxus sitting in a chair next to my bed. I gulp and look away unable to keep eye contact with him “s-so, why are you here” I wait but he doesn’t say anything so I slowly turn my head and meet his intense gaze. 

He sighs loudly “really? That’s what you have to say not thank you Laxus for saving me, my teammate and a whole village? Not, I shouldn’t have stole that S class job?” 

I sigh and flop back down onto the bed “Look, arg okay yes, thank you, I appreciate the help but to be fair I did the job, that monster wasn’t in the description, it just, happened.” I say grumbling and rolling over.

I can feel his eyes burning a hole into my back “that’s another reason, if you were an S class you could have handled that monster, when you are an S class wizard you need to be prepared for the unexpected, it’s a tough job and you weren’t ready to take it, you have to earn that right. Luckily no one was hurt” Laxus said surprisingly sounding levelheaded. 

I sigh and roll back over clutching a pillow and give him a downcast look “I know... I really am sorry I just, wanted to see if I could handle it, I had trained a lot in the month you were gone and I’ve gotten a lot stronger, I just wanted to push my limits, I mean I have to, I need to save...Er just never mind.” I say pushing my face into the pillow I was holding for a second before peaking back out of it “did we at least get the money for the job” I ask timidly and he glares again. 

“Yes, but I feel like I shouldn’t even give it to you.” He says but he puts it on the nightstand next to me anyways. “You can have half of it if you want, you did help after all.” I comment.

He rolls his eyes “No I don’t want or need any of that money, besides” a smirk forms on his face “It’s enough to see whatever punishment the master has planned for you and Aaliyah when you get back for breaking a rule.” at his words my eyes widen and a chill runs down my spine. “I’m not getting kicked out am I...” I say feeling the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. 

He chuckles “no, but you better not break anymore rules or who knows.” I sigh in relief but the ‘punishment’ whatever it’s going to be is still in the back of my mind. I sit up again “so where is Aaliyah and Freed” I ask.

“They went ahead and took a train back together since I told them I would stay with you until you woke up and were alright.” He says and I snicker a bit “oohh alone on a long train ride together hmmm interesting hehe”

Laxus just raises an eyebrow at my ambiguous words but I just grin at him, “oh it’s nothing” I say before sliding to the edge of the bed and standing up. Laxus stands up with me, probably in case I was going to fall but I stood on my own. “Hmm, that nap helped a lot, thanks for taking me here, I guess we should hurry and buy the next train ticket back to Magnolia.” I say grabbing my bag.

Laxus chuckles deeply “oh, no no we aren’t taking a train, we are walking back, my own little punishment for making me come out here on a train to get you, I have motion sickness didn’t you know” I make a face at him “Umm, no? Big bad Laxus gets motion sickness..Wait I thought only dragon slayers got sick from vehicles?” I say and he shrugs “I am a dragon slayer” and my mouth drops.

“WHAT? Since when? You weren’t raised by a dragon, the fuck?” I say in shock and he rolls his eyes “I had a lightning dragon slayer lacrima implanted in me as a kid alright, so I’m like an artificial one.” My mouth is still agape and eye squinted thinking about his words and then it clicks “ohhhhhh, that’s how you heard me those time, and you did sense me when I was sneaking up to get the S class job! You looked right at me and honestly it was terrifying.” 

He smirked “yeah I could smell you but I didn’t go up there because I couldn’t see you, just thought it was your sent left from where you were earlier, should have known to go up there and try to grab you, would have saved me the trouble of having to come all this way. How come I couldn’t see you anyways? What other tricks are up your sleeve? I thought you just had nature magic” and I shrug “I mean it kinda is, I just camouflage or blend in with my surroundings, like a nature defense mechanism. Impressive huh.” I say smirking with my hands behind my back as I lean forward toward him in a playful manner. He leans down close to me and I blush before he says in his deep husky voice “maybe a little impressive” before backing off again.

I clear my throat and grab the money I earned and put it in my bag “well it’s like a long ass walk right so we should probably get going.” I say as I put my bag on my shoulder. “Ready when you are.” he says throwing his bag over his shoulder before and strolling out of the room. I follow behind him trying to keep up with his pace as he checks out of the room and we head out.

         ___________________________________________________

*POV change*

Meanwhile Aaliyah and Freed are sitting next to each other on a train ride back to Magnolia. “You know this was a reckless thing to do, even if you did the job successfully Mira still would have known a job was taken without going through her first especially an S class job.” Freed says with a concerned look in his eyes.

Aaliyah sighs “I know I tried to tell Hannah it was dumb but she really wanted to test how far she had trained and she probably would have gone without me so I agreed to come to try and keep an eye on her at least.” 

Freed hums in agreement “Well I’m glad you are both safe and we arrived in time to fend off that monster and you both are alright in the end. Hm, but Hannah really did heal the village despite that, her magic has grown considerably, yours too, you did some good damage to that monster, it was just unlucky it was resistant to fire or you might have had a chance of defeating it.” He says giving her a smile. 

Aaliyah returns it “thank you, yeah that monster really wasn’t part of the job, I don’t even think the villagers knew it was hiding down there, we sure as hell didn’t, I mean Hannah did the job and I was surprised she pulled it off, even though she passed out after I’m glad shes okay too, and getting squeezed by that monster was not fun that’s for sure, I owe you and Laxus one.”

Freed chuckles “yes well, Master also has a punishment for you both breaking a rule when you get back which I’m sure won’t be too bad, since you and Hannah haven’t broken any rules other than that and it’s just your first offence I’m sure he’ll go easy on you. Just try not to make it a habit, for your own sake.” 

Aaliyah looks at him with a worried look “oh great a punishment, just what I’m looking forward to. At least we still got the money for the job, so it wasn’t all bad.” She yawns and Freed looks down to see her head rested against his arm and that she’s fallen a sleep. He smiles down at her and makes sure not to move as to not wake her up.

Sink In - Chapter 4

Pairing: Ryan/Gavin Plot: Vampire AU based on the post “vampires always like “i could kill you if I wanted” like? yeah? so could another human being. so could a dog. so could a dedicated duck. you arent special”

Chapter 1 / 2 / 3.  AO3 here.

Ryan wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting.

He knew that his incredibly ludicrous plan had been a long shot, forming a list of possible outcomes in his head until he’d watched Gavin Free flee the bar. The first option had been the police; it was the most sensible solution for any normal man, but the slow reaction time had given Ryan hope. He was grateful that he hadn’t had to pack up and leave again, but it meant that the clearer options were slowly being crossed off.

The second had been blind hatred. Gavin had not seemed entirely angry, although Ryan also assumed that the Brit didn’t have much of a hateful bone in his body, from the few minutes they’d spent talking. The third was cool hostility, bribery, and manipulation to test and play at how much of a non-killer he really was.

What Ryan hadn’t anticipated was the cold shoulder.

He knew that it would take Gavin time to process all of the information, and that he likely wouldn’t hear from him at all for a few days. But days turned into weeks, and after twenty long days of no contact, Ryan was beginning to question his choices more so than he already had in the days previous.

Seriously - What kind of childlike dickhead cut off all contact after all that had happened. In all his years, and all the times he’d foolishly tried to let someone in on his lifestyle, not once had anyone been catty enough to ignore him without a big blowout first. It was getting on Ryan’s nerves, and he wished he could just track Gavin down and confront him. But intruding on Gavin’s life would only do the opposite in gaining his trust, so Ryan succumbed himself to a tense game of waiting in frustration.

Ryan hadn’t told someone in eight years. He hadn’t told someone because of what happened eight years ago; the discovery, the explosion of rage, the fear, and then -- the running. He’d had no choice but to up and leave, horrified by the disgust he’d caused in his girlfriend’s eyes. Since then, he’d always considered the best option to be silence and seclusion.

But something about Gavin Free had stuck, the stupid taunting and the reluctance to just turn him over ingrained in his head on a loop. The Brit was obviously horrified by the entire situation, but there was something else, something Ryan had clung to, something he hadn’t seen in years. Beneath all the disgusted looks and gulps of fear (something Ryan was used to) had been a layer of curiosity. And that was more than he’d gotten a taste of in decades.

Ryan needed Gavin to know, to understand, and he wasn’t even sure where the strength of his need had come from. He was desperate, and impatient, and just really goddamn lonely.

And so he waited.

~

Gavin was losing his mind.

After his meeting with Ryan, his world had done a complete one-eighty. Geoff was concerned by the entire situation, but seemed wary of bringing it up with Gavin. He dropped subtle hints, wondering what Gavin was going to do - He couldn’t stay with Geoff forever, and if his apartment wasn’t safe, what then? But Gavin was an expert at deflection, and promised Geoff that things were being worked out.

Things were most certainly not being worked.

His thoughts were plagued by this sudden new reality he was living in; a world where vampires might exist, and serial killers could be surprisingly friendly, and that someone as simple as Gavin Free could end up in the middle of it all. He wasn’t sure what to think, and the more he thought, the more he panicked. The problem was that he was being forced to think about the situation at all, to consider the possibilities and make a decision from there.

And the worst was that he was starting to believe it. Belief was conditional, though, for his own sanity. Maybe Ryan Haywood was the anomaly, a freak of nature and the only one of his kind. He could handle one strange being, one person with a curse found only in young adult novels and horror stories. His thoughts strayed to something else Ryan had said, you might be a lot safer knowing we’re out there.

No. One vampire. He could stomach one vampire. Start there, Gavin.

The next issue was his apartment. While some of his concerns had been quelled, Gavin still wasn’t sure just how safe he’d be on his own. Maybe Ryan insisted that there was no need to worry about him, but Gav figured it was smart to wait before trusting the words of a deadly killer. Maybe he could get some new deadbolts, or a machete, or a guard dog. That would put some of his unease to rest.

He knew he should have called, if he wanted to sate the rest of his curiosity. Ryan had given him a number for a reason, and Gavin should have taken advantage of his new source of information. But the very thought of making any contact just yet made his stomach turn, so instead, he focused on other things; friends, work, vampire research. His film shoot had gone well, and he’d gotten some uncut footage back from the director. It might have only been a small indie film, but this was a step in the right direction. He wondered briefly if his career would come to an end if he got tangled up in the lives of vampires. That was another thought that put him off.

So he’d called up Jeremy for real this time, asking him to go for drinks. Anything for a distraction. Anything to get away from Geoff’s silent judgement. Anything to forget about Ryan bloody Haywood and his shitting vampire curse.

~

“The movie’s gonna be ten times better with your slowmo, dude. How much are they paying you, anyway?” Jeremy was grinning at him over a rum and coke, cheeks tinged red as he trespassed into drunk territory. It was nice to see him, Gavin decided. It had been far too long, and Jeremy had a way of making people feel a lot lighter. Bouncier. Good.

“Its nothing spectacular, but its more than the last shoot. A much better film, too, from what I’ve seen. They hired a couple of bigger actors, who’ve actually been on TV. Should be pretty good - might make it into a few festivals, even!” Gavin nursed his own drink, shrugging softly. He hadn’t signed on to the shoot for the publicity of it all, even if it was a bonus. He just loved filming, and hoped to do it on a more professional scale some day.

Jeremy tilted his head thoughtfully, although there was a glazed look in his eye. Must’ve been the rum, Gavin decided, before a split second later Jeremy spoke again. “How long was the shoot? You look exhausted, Gav, must have taken a lot out of you, huh?”

That threw Gavin for a loop. The shoot had ended a few weeks ago now, a detail he’d conveniently left out. It was easy to mistake Jeremy for being a bit slow - the muscles, the occasional frat bro attitude, and his tendency to use like as often as he breathed. But in truth, Jeremy was incredibly observant, and Gavin shouldn’t have as been surprised by the comment as he was.

“Oh, uh…” Gavin started, rubbing sheepishly at the back of his head. “It sure did.”

Jeremy raised a brow, sipping noisily at his drink, and Gavin suddenly felt like he was being scrutinized with an all too careful eye. “You good, man? If you’re too tired, we can head home. I’m pretty fucking gone, so I don’t mind.”

Gavin had never wanted to tell the truth so bloody bad in his entire life. Jeremy was good, and kind, and understanding despite what appearances might suggest, and he was one of Gavin’s best friends. He would get it, he would help figure out what Gavin was supposed to do. He ached with the strength of it, words getting lost in his throat.

Instead, he flashed Jeremy a brilliant smile and ignored the urge like usual. “That might be a good idea. Lookit your little cheeks, all red, ooooh Jeremy, you’re right buggered up, aren’t you?”

Jeremy rolled his eyes, but it was with good humour. He plopped a bill down on the table for the drinks, and moved to shrug on his jacket. Gavin was grateful that the conversation had moved away from him, because he wasn’t as strong as he wanted to be, and a slip-up like that could be costly.

“We should do this again soon, Gav. And you should get more drunk, ‘cause I’m doing too much of the work. You good to get home?”

Gavin nodded, already requesting an Uber. He smiled, waved at Jeremy as he left, and then instantly deflated. He shrugged off his jacket, and decided to order another drink to gather up the right amount of bravado needed to go through with his decision.

To Haywood, 9:42 P.M: Clementine’s, on Government. Now. We need to talk.

~

Geoff wasn’t fucking stupid.

He knew there was something going on, because as much as Gavin tried to pretend that he was a ball of god damn sunshine, Geoff could see right through it. He didn’t know what exactly, but he had a pretty strong sense that it had to do with witnessing a fucking murder. Which, for the record, Geoff still thought he should have reported. Who doesn’t do that? Who sits on it and lets it eat them up inside?

Gavin fuckin’ Free, that’s who. And it was driving him crazy.

Geoff didn’t want to push it, because he knew that as much as he could be stubborn, Gavin had a surprising resilience himself. But the Brit’s stupid mind was set, and Geoff wouldn’t be the one to tattle; he just wished Gavin would. Staying at his place was fine, but Geoff couldn’t house him forever, and he had a sneaking suspicion that Gavin hadn’t thought of a solution just yet.

And now he’d gone out for drinks with Jeremy again, and while Geoff wasn’t the jealous type, he couldn’t help but wonder if Jeremy was in on it, too - and the thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. Was Gavin sharing information with him, because he trusted Dooley’s opinion more? It didn’t seem fair, considering all that Geoff had done already. He wanted inside Gavin’s head, so that he could stop fuckin’ worrying, but Gavin was a conniving little shit and his ideal end goal seemed pretty impossible right now.

He supposed he’d just have to give it time.

~

Gavin was far too many drinks in by the time Ryan showed up.

The more he drank, the more his brain muddled and the less he thought about the possible implications of his decision. He’d briefly considered that Ryan might not show up at all, but he’d washed away the thought with another Moscow Mule. Gavin had no game plan, no structure to follow, aside from the questions raging in his head and the bravado of a lot of alcohol. He was lost in thought, staring deep into his drink as though it could solve his problems, when the clearing of a throat roused him from his inner monologue.

“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me.” Ryan said smoothly, sliding into the chair opposite him where Jeremy had been sitting an hour beforehand. “You seemed pretty urgent. Has something happened?”

Gavin stared at Ryan for a few seconds to long, eyes bloodshot. When he spoke, his words were slurred and slow, betraying his current state. “You’ve driven me bloody mental, is what’s happened. I can’t stop thinking about it all. You… You’re an arse, Haywood, and I think you owe me a flippin’ drink for this.”

Ryan quirked a brow, devilishly so, and it pissed Gavin the ‘eff off. “You asked me here… To buy you a drink?”

Gavin spluttered, reaction time slow and sluggish. “No! Well, yeah, that’s part of it, but I’ve got questions, too, and you owe me for the mess you’ve made.”

Ryan nodded sagely, forgoing a response in favour of flagging down a waitress. Gavin was too busy fuming to hear what he said, but when he turned back around, the git was smiling.

“What do you want to know?” He asked finally, offering Gavin a casual shrug as though to say, ‘I’m an open book.’

“Well, I… For starters, I want to know how many bloody people you’ve killed. I’m trying to see both sides here, but its hard when I know people die, innit?”

Ryan paused, lips pursed in discomfort. Gavin couldn’t believe he’d struck a nerve so early, but the other man was quick to recover. “I don’t know. I used to keep count, but it… It did me more harm than good. I’ve lost track.”

The sorrow in Ryan’s voice might have been a trick of Gavin’s drunk ears, he decided. Losing track of how many people you’d killed sounded awful to him, but it led into his next question. “So… How long have you been one, then? A vampire, or whatever.”

Ryan gave a wry smile at that one, waiting until the waitress had set their drinks down before answering. “Twenty four years. I was turned in 1985, and the rest is history.”

Gavin’s eyes widened. “You’re thirty-two, then? You said last time you’d be fifty-six. Thirty-two’s not a bad age to be forever, is it?”

Ryan was surprised that Gavin had remembered that detail, given the glassy look in his eyes, but he decided not to comment on it. He supposed the shock of something so foreign would make anyone analyze all the details. “Its not awful. I’d rather this than twenty-two, or sixty-eight.”

Gavin tilted his head, expression thoughtful. “So.... You were alive in the seventies? You experienced disco, and the wars, and - You’re ancient.”

Ryan scoffed, taking a long sip of his drink before answering. “Fifty-six is not that old. You’re basically a child, anyway, so you don’t get to talk.”

“I’m twenty-four! That’s completely adult.”

Ryan laughed unabashedly, a sound that had Gavin spluttering all over again. He knew inwardly it was wrong to enjoy this, because odds are that the Brit would turn tail and run the second things got uncomfortable again. But it was nice to laugh, and forget, and enjoy himself for a few moments.

They went silent for a while, Gavin carefully sipping his drink and Ryan alternating between watching him or the people around them. When Gavin spoke again, his voice was far quieter than it had been previously, and there was a distant look in his eye.

“Do you have to kill them?”

Ryan did his best to hide the flinch, hoping that Gavin was drunk enough not to notice. His voice was tense when he responded, and hoped that that was also lost on the inebriated Brit. “What do you mean?”

Gavin frowned, shifting nervously in his seat. “Well, I mean - Do you have to suck all their blood out? Couldn’t you just… Take a little and go? Why do they have to die?”

Ryan supposed that was a fair question; one that he himself had wondered time and time again, after each and every kill. Why did they have to die? “The curse, it’s… It’s not easily controlled. After I’ve fed, I feel pretty normal. But the desire builds, and becomes hard to ignore, and when I finally do taste the blood, its - I can’t control it. And I’m not satisfied until I’ve had every last drop.”

Gavin grimaced, slurping up the last of his drink with a disgusted look on his face. “Oh… So it’s like taking a piss.”

Ryan balked, brows high on his forehead in confusion. “I-- What?”

“You know! Like, when you really gotta piss, it’s hard to ignore. And once you start going, stopping is super difficult. Its like piss, but you’re sucking up instead of spewing out.”

Ryan stared at Gavin with a gaze so intense, it made the Brit shift uncomfortably in his seat. In truth, Ryan couldn’t believe how carefree the response was, disgusted but not horrified. Gavin had taken it so easily, and maybe that was just the alcohol talking, but Ryan had not experienced something so close to acceptance in decades. He clung to it like a lifeline, soaking it in for as long as he could before something terrible happened.

Finally, when Gavin looked as though he was ready to run out of the sheer discomfort of it all, Ryan laughed. It was hearty and good, and the relief that flooded across Gavin’s face only made him smile more.

“Yeah, sure. Its just like taking a piss, if you want to put it that way.”

They talked for a long while after that, Gavin getting progressively more drunk, asking Ryan a plethora of ridiculous vampire related questions that shouldn’t have been as funny as they were. Ryan obliged him each and every one, taking the obscurity of them in stride. Gavin grew increasingly more interested, words slurring together, but never losing his enthusiasm.

Finally, two in the morning rolled around and they were forced to pack up and leave. Ryan offered their server a kind smile, and paid off the whole tab, while Gavin struggled to get his jacket on. Ryan hadn’t realized the extent of the Brit’s intoxication, because he couldn’t stand without wobbling dangerously, and the look in his eyes was far away from there.

In a moment of poor judgement, Ryan reached a hand out to steady him. Gavin tensed, but did not push him away, so he took that as his chance to carefully lead Gavin out of the building and into his car.

“You can’t drive…” Gavin said in a moment of clarity, glaring down at the vehicle.

“I’m not drunk.” Ryan said simply, carefully lowering Gavin into the passenger seat.

“But-- You were drinking.”

“Diet Coke. I don’t drink alcohol.”

Gavin looked like he was about to protest, but Ryan was already circling the vehicle to climb into the driver’s side. The Brit didn’t say anything else, on the verge of sleep in his seat - And didn’t say anything again until they pulled up outside his apartment, and Ryan was helping him out of the vehicle. “Wait - This is my place.”

Ryan frowned quizzically, guiding Gavin into the elevator. “Yeah, I’m taking you home. You’re very drunk.”

“I-- Okay.”

Ryan had to wait for Gavin to pull out his keys, but he managed to get him inside and into bed with his shoes off, and a glass of water on the night stand. Maybe he was pushing his limits, but he wasn’t an asshole, and leaving Gavin to suffer in his drunken state wasn’t in his nature. He turned to leave, when Gavin grabbed his wrist.

“You’re real.” He said firmly, before his eyes closed and his hand fell limp against the bed.

Ryan smiled, turned heel, and let himself out of the apartment, while Gavin dreamed of a smiling face with canines glinting.

on the futility of intellectual knowing

(Continuing to catch up with the posts I wrote but never shared: this one was written early January 2019.)

It was prudent of me to wonder how I was going to make it through that week and a half after our first attempt; I would have done well to turn that wonder into some planning (not that I’m sure that would have helped). I swore I could smell things more strongly than before. I swore I was more tired than usual. Everything became a sign of potentially being knocked up. I had several nights of waking up at 4am and my body deciding it was just done with sleep for the night. Even knowing that most pregnancy tests would not be valid until at least 10 days after ovulation (since it takes about 7-10 days for an embryo to implant in the uterus, and hormones go up to detectable levels from there), I took a test on the 8th or 9th day because I just couldn’t stand it anymore. 

It was negative, as were the tests I took on days 10-12 (and I don’t mean only one per day). By the time my period arrived to confirm what I already knew, I was dramatically sad. There was a lot of crying involved, and, it was one of the many times in my life I have been grateful for all of my tools, as I managed to keep myself from spiralling completely out of control. I managed to catch the stories as they came up (mostly the story that this meant that I would never be able to get pregnant) and see them for what they were. I obviously knew, intellectually, that this process can take a while, and that very few people at this age get preggers on their first try, but knowing intellectually, as usual, was useless.

In between the first and second round, I took PSD2 home with me for my annual extended family Chanukah party (a.k.a. Latkefest!), at which he was a shining star, to no one’s surprise. My mom loved him. The next day, I got to go to his family Christmas party, which was both overwhelming and so great. On the way there, we took a little detour to visit the house and town he grew up in. I was so moved to get to see this part of his life, and so happy to get to deepen my relationship with him.

On the second round, I swung hard the other way: whereas with the first attempt, I had made it almost ceremonial, with my crystals and prayers and guided fertility meditations and visualizations, this time, I tried very hard (and surprisingly successfully) to not think about it more than I had to. I managed to keep the symptom-guessing to a minimum (though I was fairly sure that the mild cramping starting on the 8th day post-ovulation was a good sign). I managed to only have one night of too little sleep (the night before I could take the first test). I even managed not to freak out when the test was negative, or the one after that, or the one after that, or even when my period came. I was sad, yes, but at this point it felt like I had dug in for what could be a long journey. The days after, though, made me wonder: I went into a spiral of random sobbing, not triggered by anything to do with thinking about pregnancy, but more often by work stressors. It was so intense that it reminded me of coming down off the hormones after my egg retrieval surgery last summer, which was basically a mini-menopause of an estrogen crash. Maybe it was lingering sadness and/or disappointment that I just hadn’t dealt with; maybe it was a chemical pregnancy; maybe I was just exhausted after a long year. I’ll never know, but thankfully, it only lasted about a week and then I crawled out of it.

The third time, I tried to find a middle ground: I prayed, and I visualized, and I meditated, but I didn’t get obsessive about it. I promised myself I would not take a pregnancy test unless my period did not arrive by the expected date. Most of all, I promised myself I would ride the wave of the relaxing I did over the holidays and continue to practice equanimity.

I won’t pretend it was all peace and love, though; at some point, while googling something in the week after Attempt #3 (it may or may not have been whether it’s safe to have orgasms around the time of implementation), I somehow happened upon the website of a TCM practitioner whose practice is focused on fertility. In addition to a list of fertility superfoods and videos of acupressure points, she had some tips, including the tip that intense exercise, particularly weightlifting, is not great for fertility, since it puts “downward pressure” on the uterus, and for fertility, we want to promote the opposite. Also, apparently people who are trying to get pregnant should avoid excessive sweating. I freaked out at this, since weighlifting (specifically metabolic conditioning) is my primary form of exercise, and exercise is my primary form of self-regulation. I was so freaked out that I stopped exercising altogether, save for long walks, yoga, and swimming (all of which are apparently okay). I decided I could handle this until I saw my own TCM practitioner, whom I trust implicitly (my work with her has done more than anything else to get my chronic hives condition under control). She, thank goodness, was a voice of reason and moderation: from her POV, moderate exercise of varying modalities is fine. So, I won’t be doing intense quite as intense MetCon workouts as I have been, but at least I can get back to the gym.

To close out 2018, I did a ritual of writing down all of the major things that happened in each month of the year for me, then meditated on letting go of each thing, one month at a time. As I did this, I kept welling up in gratitude for the love, community, growth, guidance, and support that the year was so full of. There were some hard times, and there were also the things and the people that kept me buoyant and resilient.

Last night, at our very intimate Russian NYE dinner party (one of my closest friends is Russian, so we celebrate every NYE Russian-style, which involves somewhat of a feast and a gift exchange), my community and I closed out the year by saying what we were proud of, what we were grateful for, and what we were looking forward to. I am proud of the growth I did last year, of buying my first home (!), and of making the tough choices and taking action toward fulfilling what I truly want in my life. I am so deeply grateful for my community, for my spiritual practice, and for my burgeoning relationship with PSD2, with whom I’ve gotten so much closer over these last few months of trying to make a human.

Two more updates:

PSD1: Sometime in between rounds 1 and 2, I met up with PSD1. I was nervous as hell to tell him that PSD2 and I had already started trying, and just prayed that he would be as understanding as he’d said he would be. God bless the man: he was all of that and then some. He’d been on his own journey since we’d last talked, leading him to the realization that he actually does want to be a parent, and was grateful to have had that particular box opened up for him through our conversations. I’m so grateful that we both came away from the whole ordeal with more love and respect for each other than we’d ever had before, and a renewed connection.

The Roomie: He started coming to Choir!Choir!Choir! with me on the regular, and when we’d go out for food afterward (food which I was neither hungry for nor awake enough to be eating, but it meant spending time one-on-one with him), we had some pretty real conversations. Conversations in which I discovered that a) I may not be at all what he’s looking for, and b) he may not be ready for a relationship at all right now. I am, however, proud to say that I told him I have a crush on him; I figured I had nothing to lose. He stepped right over that little nugget and responded to everything else I’d said. So, that crush has boiled down to a low simmer for the time being, but has not died yet; the fact that he continues to flirt with me is all the flame it needs for now…

Norwich vs Chelsea Preview: Frank Lampard still searching for first victory

Saturday's Premier League action begins with the visit of Chelsea to Carrow Road to take over Norwich.

The hosts are probably one of the most impressive matches in the top flight so far this season, with their own against Liverpool despite losing 4-1 in Anfield and beating Newcastle .

Teemu Pukki is a joint top scorer, with four in his first two games, and will be crucial to the hope of the Canary Islands to stay on top.

It was not a good start for Frank Lampard to Chelsea. They were beaten 4-0 at Old Trafford and were lucky enough to win a draw against Leicester last weekend.

Anything but a victory in Norwich would mean an exceptionally difficult start to life in the Blues dugout for Icon Lampard.

Frank Lampard is still looking for his first victory since his return to Chelsea as manager

NORWICH: Courage, fighting and keeping faith will be king

The name Chelsea must be fear in the hearts of a newly promoted party but Norwich could enjoy the visit of Lampard and his team.

Norwich destroys the counterattack, with Farke giving preference to the breakneck style for which German football has become famous in the last decade.

So much was clear in Liverpool, where their rapid movements took place on the field, meaning they had 12 shots on target, more than any team that had succeeded in Anfield last season.

Daniel Farke applauds home support after their convincing win over Newcastle

They then cut through Newcastle, three advance and only admit when the game is fully done and dusted.

The truth is that Chelsea, the party that had the same end-to-end style as a basketball team during the first two games, will have to stop shopping to stop the Canary Islands.

Pukki scored a hat trick against Newcastle and is a great finisher. If Norwich's movements reach the peak, Chelsea could easily admit a handful.

He also prints brilliantly and can force turnarounds, which is what Chelsea has struggled so much about during their opening games. Moritz Leitner said after the Newcastle win: “He worked so hard. He is our first defender. & # 39;

Teemu Pukki has played great shape, following his goal in Liverpool with a hat trick on Saturday

However, it is not just a counterattack. Norwich pulls brilliant moves together when they also have the ball. They are just a force that is moving forward.

The real test is whether Farke is willing to continue with his usual attack style. Part of Leicester's problem last week was that they took the first half to get started. Only the last whistle stopped them from winning.

Norwich and Farke must have the same view. There is no reason to think he won't do that. For the Liverpool game, he called on his team to be brave. Courage will be the king against Chelsea.

CHELSEA: Lampard needs a result and heavy performance after returning home

Frank Lampard has hoped for Chelsea so far.

The defeat of the United States was a rude awakening, while most of Stamford Bridge's Sunday will be disappointed with their performance in the second half.

There are serious problems for Lampard to solve, not least the way his defense has so far been broken in both league games.

The real concern is how easy it has been for teams to work their way through his midfield. There is often a gaping expansion of space when Chelsea loses the ball.

Mason Mount opened his account for Chelsea last Sunday it was not enough for the victory

Jorginho was not at his best on the basis of Lampard & # 39; s midfield against Leicester, while there is a limit to what N & # 39; Golo Kante can do himself .

Mason Mount, from now on, has been effective, but there was a real lack of defensive discipline across the board from midfield.

Norwich is a team that likes to play between the lines, so they might like to deal with structural problems such as Chelsea.

Meanwhile, they want their attackers to shoot. Lampard was played between Olivier Giroud and Tammy Abraham before the start of their three games so far, with Giroud being the only striker to have won.

Lampard will have a great deal of honor at Chelsea, given its legendary status and the fact that they are in a difficult position due to their transfer ban.

But the performance needs to be stepped up, the results and a meeting with a newly promoted party like Norwich is the ideal opportunity.

Jorginho was not the best for Chelsea they were held for a 1-1 draw by Leicester City

Predicted line-ups

Predicted start XI of Norwich City (4-2-3-3-1 ): Krul, Aarons, Hanley, Godfrey, Lewis; Trybull, Leitner; Cantwell, Stiepermann, Buendia; Pukki

Chelsea & Predicted Starting XI (4-3-3): Kepa, Azpilicueta, Christensen, Zouma, Emerson; Kante, Jorginho, Mount; Pedro, Giroud, Pulisic

What do the bookmakers say?

Chelsea has a chance to win, meaning that it is not a bad idea to bet against them. A draw is 3/1 with most bookmakers, while a win for Norwich has about the same prize.

Teemu Pukki has surprisingly few chances to score at any time, just 6/5. If you want to take a point, Emiliano Buendia was dangerous with free kicks last season and is priced to 10/3 to score at any time.

Who says what?

[1945902] Jamal Lewis of Norwich City reflects on the Newcastle version: & lt; 39; It felt comfortable, much more comfortable than some versions previous year in the championship. So yes, I think that is our bar and I think we can even go beyond that.

Frank Lampard of Chelsea: & # 39; I cannot complain too much about the first two games in terms of performance. There is the quality of our game, and we have that, and the pace of work, and the boys have that. There is also game management, moments when we may also have to be a bit harder and more resilient. Because that's the kind of attributes that you can win with. & # 39;

MAIN FACTS

Norwich City has been winning in their last 10 Premier League games against Chelsea (D2 L8) since winning 3-0 at Carrow Road in December 1994 under John Deehan

In all competitions, Chelsea are unbeaten in 15 games against Norwich City (W10 D5), including losses in their last seven trips to Carrow Road (W4 D3).

Chelsea lost only two of their last 22 Premier League games against newly promoted teams (W15 D5 L2), although both defeats against reigning champion (0-3 against Newcastle) came in 2017-18 and 1-2 vs Wolves in 2018-19).

Norwich City has won only once in their last 15 Premier League home games against & # 39; big six & # 39; opposition, with which they only scored seven points out of a possible 45 in this run (W1 D4 L10).

Frank Lampard wants to prevent him from becoming the fir Chelsea manager since Bobby Campbell in 1988 and failed to win one of his first four games in charge of the club in all competitions.

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