i have this real wild and wacky idea: stop hating sakura so much

Angsty post canon concept:

When Allura dies what if the Altean magic she used on Shiro and Lance weakens and that's how ppl find out Lance also died?

Both Lance and Shiro start with symptoms they can ignore and ones doctors brush aside. They get told it's fatigue, they get told it's after effects from fighting In the war like they had for all that time. Neither realize it all starts after Alluras death.

Then they end up with things unexplainable. Things like extreme full body tremors, sudden extreme chills and are icy cold to the touch no matter the temperature. Their bodies ache in the ways they had in their deaths but neither man admits it out loud too afraid of what that might mean so neither is aware they aren't alone is this bizarre and sudden turn of events.

It's not until Lance collapses and is rushed to the Garrison hospital that they discovered it something more.

His body deteriorating from the inside out seen visibly from their newest high tech scans. Rotting, closing down, slowing or lacking proper function like his body has given up. Like his body is referring backwards to lack of life but no one knows why.

It's almost like its frying itself from the inside out, it's path crawling closer and closer to his heart with every passing day like bolts of electricity pulsing more and more upward.

Shiro is the first to realize what it means once Lance is finally giving the symptoms they'd had to pry out of him. He realizes with dread that his fellow paladin has things that match up too close to his own.

He only realizes bc he's felt similar things, only his resemble his own death and he knows for a fact its thinfs in Excruciating pain, a pain he thought no one but himself would ever understand.

To get lance to admit what happened Shiro goes through the scans himself to prove his point. No one enjoys hearing Lances story, Allura hadn't even known she was capable of what she'd done to him So he's worse off than Shiro is and terrified of the idea of dying again this slowly

both get taken to an off planet hospital, one that could preserve their symptoms until the rest of their team and families could find a way to heal them

But without Alluras alchemy No one knew what to do.

First they try talking to the alteans on new altea but none have any knowledge of the alchemy allura had used for them

Then the team spreads out

Pidge uses her ranking in her field to gain any and all database information she can get her hands on

Hunk uses his connections To the Balmera and other species to attempt to find any information on healing abilities that might help

Keith is the most successful, the man he loves and his brother are dying and he wouldn't accept that one bit

He sends all the Blades willing to look for any possible Leads and anyone who might know anything about healing magic or alchemy

Keith is the one who comes across one of haggars old druids, one well versed in altean alchemy and one bitter at what had become of the craft

She had understood, to a degree, what Allura had done to Save both men

She had tied their life force to her own to ground them back to this plane of existence and now that she's no longer tied to one universe her connection has faded and so has theirs

"You must tie them to another life to keep them but this practice is taboo. If this next life dies they will with it."

Keith doesn't hesitate for a moment "just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

He ends up tying Lances life force to his own, Lance so sickly he didn't get a choice and Keith apologizes the entire way

He combs fingers through lances thinned hair hoping it brought any comfort to the man that had no energy to even stay awake anymore "you can be as angry as you want after this, as long as you survive I don't care anymore..."

Shiros husband does the same for Shiro

They know it's worked when their bodies stop dying and start to finally try to heal.

The damage so extensive they both spend months in newly crafted healing pods that do everything to try to reverse it.

Both come out whole, alive and maybe a little worse for wear than before All this took place.

But no one cares so long as they stay alive.

And, if when Keith tells lance what he'd done to save him, Keith earns a strict slap to the face for his recklessness that's followed by a gentle kiss.

Well, no one says a word.

tidbits from the webinar with Leigh Bardugo :

- With her writing, she wants to show there isn’t one kind of strong female character, that there are lots of different ways to be badass, among men as well. You don’t have to be super tough or a brooding dickhead. She wants to show fantasy doesn’t have to belong to one type of hero (white able bodied straight guy). She mentioned jk*r and seeing the heartbreak among her readers and thought she never wanted to be a part of causing that. Ppl talk about diversity as an artificial construct but it’s just...how the world is, and it’s how you tell a better story. When they announced they were casting a half-Asian Alina ppl were like  ‘why don’t you want her to look Russian’ and she was like ??? “have you ever looked at Russia on a map ?”. And borders are porous, there isn’t a firm line/wall in reality, and in the world of the series, in the border town near Shu Han Alina comes from, people are doing business with each other, falling in love across the border...it’s just what naturally happens.

- The Crows in this first season of Shadow and Bone are not the same as when we meet them in Six of Crows, they’re not quite as badass yet. We are getting some of the backstory that is in the books but not all of it, they wanted to keep some for next season (hopefully)

- You cannot write about thugs and thieves without being aware of the social/economic/political dynamics that created them

- When writing a book, she often starts in one place and ends in another, with Six of Crows she started wanting to do a fun blockbuster-y fantasy heist romp and then Kaz Brekker was ‘riding his brother’s corpse to freedom’ lmao

- Advice for writers : research can be dangerous, it’s easy to get lost and stay away from the draft. for shadow and bone she gave herself two months to really get lost in research, look into folklore, old cookbooks, to really get into the vivid details.

- Writing short stories is a really good way to better your writing

- To get somewhere you have to be bad at things. The bad days when you’re in a process are a good sign, because you are trying to do something bigger than you’ve ever done before. She had to learn to sit with the discomfort of not being good when she started writing.

- Writing process : beat sheet with main elements > zero draft, in which there is still discovery left about the characters. Everybody’s process is different, the key is to finding yr own. The process of writing a novel is so long, you have to be in love and stay in love with that idea, remind yourself what made you excited about it in the first place, and wait for the moment where you fall back in love with it. If you get haunted by another idea that won’t go away you can wonder what appeals to you about it and you can put it in your current project.

- The greatest gift you can give yourself is to finish a draft. When you’re stuck, go for a walk and talk to yourself (you can put in earphones to not look crazy lmao). Or shift POV. As a writer a critical voice is often what blocks you. You need to remind yourself that the first draft is going to be bad and you have to let it be, you’re telling the story to yourself, it’s fine to have placeholders and go back.

- When you’re a young writer the important thing is that you keep being in love with writing, there is no expiration date on your talent. When you’re in prep school mode, you’re told your value is in being young and brilliant, at some point you’re not the youngest one in the room anymore, you’re no longer the wunderkind, but that’s not where your value is. You still have a story to tell.

- She says she is a mix of Kaz (because she uses a cane, she’s a planner and she keeps a grudge for a long time) and Nina, or at least Nina is who she would like to be, the best part of her.

- She likes writing about women who get their revenge.

- Ketterdam treats people as commodities and expendable, it’s the protestant work ethic taken to extremes, and so ppl like Kaz and Inej are going to have the experiences they had. She didn’t want to do misery tourism, it was very important to approach these with caution and do a lot of research. She found it important to donate to organizations linked to things she has written about, so like against trafficking when she was writing Inej’s backstory. Writing those backstories were some of the most harrowing stuff she ever wrote as a writer. The scene with Kaz and Inej and the bandages was probably the hardest scene she’s ever written, she wanted to be respectful of what those two characters had been through, she’s written a lot of versions of that scene. It’s fun to talk about ships but she doesn’t want trauma to be ‘healed by love’, it wouldn’t feel respectful, the journey towards healing is a slow one, you backslide, etc.

- She struggled a lot writing Crooked Kingdom, she was kind of in a burnout, and wondered afterwards if it even was good. Importance of the drive to get better so you don’t stay static.

- She loooves a slow burn and had to put the brakes on the show writers several times lol when it came to kissing and such.

- Her fave episode of the show is episode 7

- She likes giving the names of her friends to characters bc they supported her so much during the writing process

- The first books are generally the easiest to write because you can throw your ideas at the wall and see what sticks, you can kind of do what you want, and after that in following books you have a lot more threads to pick up.

- Pet peeve : people talking about how this character didn’t “deserve” this : in her experience the people who deserve to go don’t and often the loving kind ones are those who lose, she’s experienced a lot of loss in her life, and she’s not going to write a book about war and danger without being honest about how these things go, it would feel disingenuous. She’s not going to stop killing people (lol).

- One fan talked about how she felt really helped by Nina being a curvy girl who is presented as charming and confident and very lovable. Leigh talks about how she’s been a lot of different sizes, she heard there was a famous author saying disparaging things about her weight and disability behind her back, she was like that’s not even original, and actually fuck being ashamed of that, she wants the culture to change and wants to participate in that. She wants it to be known that she is a very successful, adored fat woman with a partner who helps her up stairs, she also wants fans to know that they’re so much more than their appearance. (that moment was so badass, it reminded me of Kaz giving advice to Wylan about his disability)

- Our culture is garbage and you’re at war everyday with the people who want to make you feel bad about yourself so you buy things. Find people who make you feel strong and amazing, who don’t just tolerate you but who think you’re the best.

Anyway this was a really cool moment honestly, it made me even more of a fan.

i havent talked about catradora in a while lets do that. about the "catradora is abusive" take bc surprisingly there r still people saying that lmfao

like i keep seing those takes on tiktok now and it makes me think of that post about how characters are not Actual Living People but parts of a narrative that tells a story. like. catra and adora are not real ppl there is not an actual war happening where catra is a catgirl that scratches adora as they fight. yes, obviously physical violence exists in abusive relationships exist in the real world, but catradora isnt a story about an abusive relationship, so thats not what their real world equivalent would be. catra's story is about how growing up in an abusive environment (and more especially a religious one) affects you, it's a story about being traumatized and hurting and taking that out on the people around you, on getting worse and worse bc you refuse to get help. the show doesnt portray that as "its justified because shes mentally ill" tho, shes literally a villain through most of it, and all of her bad actions are shown to have bad consequences for her, like scorpia leaving. at the end, tho, she makes an effort to get better- she apologizes, for everyone she hurt, taking the blame. she doesnt force anyone anyone to forgive her, bc she recognizes that even if she treated them like shit bc she herself felt like shit, that doesnt excuse it. and she recognizes that adora was right to leave, that adora is allowed to have other friends and leave if shes toxic to her. catra's story is about healing and apologizing for the people that you hurt.

catradora im general is about healing, i think. their friendship wasn't the most healthy at the horde yeah, they were incredibly codependent there, because they were living in a incredibly toxic environment, and didnt know How to be healthy- and their story is about how they had to grown apart for a while, go through their own rock bottoms and come out on the other side, to heal and learn how to cope with their ugly emotions and be their own ppl separately, before they could mend their friendship (and form a relationship). its weird to me seeing ppl say that she-ra encourages both not taking responsibility for your actions and being in toxic relationships because its literally the opposite of that. neither of them could be happy before they learned how to not be toxic.

(and i mean catradora is about 8372974837293 other things too, about accepting that you're gay and religious trauma and etc, i didnt even talk about adora's story, the healing part of it is just what im focusing on here). also something that i realized is that at season 5 their roles where kinda flipped, i think. adora kept getting worse and worse, refusing to get help, and pushing everyone away, while catra was trying to get better, literally begging adora to try to get better too, and then leaving when adora refused to do so even if it hurt the people around her (she was literally planning to sacrifice herself without caring about how much that would hurt the ppl who loved her yall. its because of all the abuse she suffered and her terrible mental health, yeah, but just like adora wasnt obligated to stay and be hurt by catra when she was hurting, catra wasnt obligated to stay with adora.) a lot of people also said it was rushed, but 1-honestly yall say that about almost every kids cartoon, thats just how cartoons are, unfortunately they have to focus on plot and stuff so theyre deemed Entertaining and 2-her redemption is not over? we just saw the beginning of it. one of the last scenes was her apologizing, the show knows she still has a long way to go. anyways this is all i can think to say so im done akfbwkr sorry this is so repetitive and also ended in a completely different direction than it started im not a writer and i made 99% of this up as i went

Prompt of sorts i guess?

Read the story ‘the family you choose by TunaFishChris’ good story set in ATLA but when I finished reading it my brain threw more plot bunnies at me. Help.

Same soulmates verse but its ozai not azulon who burns zukos off, azulon does have one but its on his head covered by hair n it was for his wife so when she dies azulon goes a little mad n as this was during ozais formulation years n while iroh is away its no surprise that ozai ends up like he does. Half natural inclination n half nurture or lack there of. Sozin was soulmates with roku, loosing him n being partly responsible got rid of any sanity he still had thus war n genocide with gusto. Ozai is the only born royal with no marks n sees it as a strength, zuko gets his down his spine for his soul family always having his back n such. Ozai nearly cripples zuko getting rid of them. Lala (is easier n faster to write) gets her marks when she is with zuko, zuko is always with her, mum told him that he was a big brother n that big brothers looked after their little siblings, zuko loves his little sister, he takes her everywhere. So when her mark appear he very quickly covers them, takes them to a discreet doc in town to get cover cream for her n starts teaching her to NEVER talk about them to anyone but him, not mother not father, no one. It works the cream n the where they appear on the body mean she is not found out by ozai. This changes alot. Once azulon gets his mind back after his wifes death he is tired of war but realises that no one will believe him wanting to end the war, he looks at his sons, iroh has too much blood on his hands n likes fighting too much to be the one to take over from him. Ozai is too cruel, twisted n power hungry for it to be him. Lu ten is promising but after talking with him (under the pretences of teaching him royal politics, laws n other things that the presumed heir would need to know) azulon discovers that lu ten does not want to rule and to force him to do so would only make him resent the throne. Lu ten suggests zuko instead, zuko loves the nation n the ppl, zuko is a naturally caring n protective person, zuko already sneaks out n mingles with citizens who can’t seem to help loving him, he just draws everyone in. Lu ten suggests having zuko (and lala if zuzu is there so is she) attend these lessons with azulon n Lu ten the excuse given to allow it is that zuko is to be trained to be Lu tens advisor when he is firelord. Its the other way round really but no one else needs to know that yet, zuko can be the lord, Lu ten n lala the advisors. Lu ten is the one keeps the farce going n keeps the target for assassination on his back rather than his little cousins. Lu ten is reported dead at ba sing se but is alive just so injured n with amnesia, possibly also damage to his chi so he can’t bend. Is picked up by the boulder who was an army soldier but leaves after that battle as he can’t stand to see that much blood anymore. Lu ten has soul marks but they hang on his skin like a very log hanging belt no one is going to notice them unless he gets naked. Growing up zuko n lala discover they r soul mates, lala is far more stable as she knows her brother will always love her no matter what she does n without conditions like father. She still is terrifying but she is loyal to zuko n only plays at being loyal to ozai. When Lu ten is reported dead n ozai makes a play for the throne azulon sees his chance n when says ozai must lose a son, he doesn’t want zuko dead, he plans to remove zuko from ozai family line register n either take him in as his own son or to have iroh take zuko in. Either way zuko was never going to die. Lala not knowing this is scared her only person will be taken from her goes to mother as even though mother doesn’t love her she loves zuko n will be willing to protect him, that done she goes n spends the night with zuko in case father sends assassins. Ursa makes the poison n gives it to ozai n then runs, it isn’t fatal poison she is hoping that ozai will mess up, azulon to survive but proof that ozai tried to kill him will see ozai either in prison till he dies or being executed for treason. Either way zuko is safe from his father n azulon can’t kill zuko as he will be the only remaining male heir, ozai dead, iroh too old to have more children n azula being too young n too female for most of the war counsellors to take seriously. Ozai adds something of his own to the poison, not completely trusting ursa (I wonder y) the poison ends up stimulating death long enough for azulon to be declared dead, ozai crowned n shit started. Azulons body is secreted away by a small group of loyal followers n his health slowly, very slowly returns, he is an OLD man even if the poison doesn’t kill him it does still kick his ass a bit. Ozai ups his campaign to get rid of zuko, lala quickly becomes VERY good at acting, manipulation n fighting to counter this n keep her dum dum alive, zuko becomes paranoid as hell but reaches new heights in stealth, weaponry n first aid. Lala is counting down the days till she has a valid excuse to kill ozai. Azulon is pissed as hell that he can’t do anything from where he is apart from try to help zuko as much as he can by sending ppl he trusts to teach him n look after him. Iroh comes back n really throws a spanner in the works, dismissing his fathers ppl from around zuko, in the (how many??) months that he is back before zuko is shipped out has the highest number of nearly successful assassination attempts on zuko since ursa left. Ozai is not impressed (that they failed), lala is adding uncles name to her shit list, azulon is just mystified as to how his son who is a supposedly great tactician can be so damn stupid.

Then the agni kai happens n azulon is too pissed off at ozai to care about iroh anymore. Azula is leaving with zuko “as otherwise his only example of fire bending will be uncle father n really even dum dum is better than that, besides then if zuko dishonours the family I can kill him straight away.” She has spent too long keeping him alive now for him to ruin all her efforts now. Zuko still has the same soul mates but also has the marks for Lu ten, azula n yue. Azula has zuko, toph n yue. Lu ten has zuko, azula n boulder at the least. Toph has azula added to her group. 6 months after zuko is banished azulon manages to find their location n reach them before they leave, takes over teaching them again n rips iroh several new ones while the crew watches in awe n horror. Azulon finds out about zukos marks n what ozai did n nearly sinks the ship in his rage, lala is glad to find someone else to help her keep zuko alive even if she doesn’t fully trust him, the only one who gets that treasure is zuko. With azulon backing his thoughts about stopping the war n to start helping the ppl of his nation zuko is different by the time aang gets freed, he n lala (im still coming with u dum dum) start working with the gaang earlier n things go smoother? The fire royals end up going to the northern city with them where they meet yue, she n azula bond, azula teaches her to be terrifying, azulon just watches n makes cutting remarks on how stupid the norths misogyny is n just how under prepared they r for anything really, the small fleet of their southern sisters tribe could lay seige, win n not loose more than maybe 5 ppl n they r all non benders. Water ppl being pissed that they can’t kill azulon due to him not being fire lord anymore n is just a doting grandfather really look at how harmless n unarmed I am, they have no claimable vendetta to excuse their killing him as lawful by tribe standards, as the tribe isolated itself n has had no real damage from azulon, also he has already been declared dead which is throwing them a little. Hahn being stupid enough to try n take azulon on, azulons bitch face is epic n lala vows to replicate it one day. Political marriage betrothal between yue n zuko? This azulon is a mix of grumpy old man, sarcastic little shit n im-too-fabulous-for-this attitude. When they find toph is also when they find boulder n Lu ten, zuko n azula bond with him n that breaks the amnesia n katara might be able to help heal his chi?

obidei because why tf not (i have way to many ships with dei yikes)

ok this ship is fucking hilarious and i love it almost as much as itadei because, yes, it seems like pure crack on first sight and should not make sense but it has so much potential (the possible angst and fluff and smut i am) but you know me and we are here for the crack

first of all: obito would be confused af because...he literally started a war over this one girls death and she was an angel and kind (i love her) and then there is dei who will blow you up for absolutely no reason or cause he thinks its funny (i love him even more) and he would tell himself thats unreasonable and stuff but then dei comes in the room shirtless and just out of the shower and there he goes....pining again

and tf is he even supposed to do? go to zetsu and say: “yk how there was this war thing? yeah turns out childhood crushes are temporary and i found someone who i would very much like to date in real life and shit so can we just forget the whole thing with the fake reality, thx?” 

then there is dei who i am 100% convinced would be so mortified about having a crush on fucking tobi and then flat out falling in love with obito uchiha after he reveals his identity

and deidara is so different from these clichè love interests of the “villain” (i refuse to see my son as a real villain i am sry)  like these kind people who will convince them to be better and who see through the masks and shit and fall in love with the good in them nope, he would see obito for the first time without a mask on a battlefield surrounded by corpses and faint (cause he is so fricking hot that i am still not over it ngl) 

the next reason and most important one for me is simple: the drama imagen the world at war and kakashi still shocked about obito and the nations still fucked cause madara and everybody is done with this shit and there comes the akatsuki (edo tensei, still alive idc) and claim they want to help and everybody is suprised and sceptical (cause mass murderes yk it) but also: who tf would say no to the help of s-rank nin in a war 

and they expected many things.... powerful jutsus, them fighting with their great strengh but all they do is step to the side to let deidara through and he takes a deep breath and starts chewing out his bf in front of the whole shinobi alliance and madara uchiha (this is sending me rn)

deidara: *ranting for 5min non stop*

everybody, just awkwardly standing there: tf

kakashi: *confused af* cause this is obito? and he is alive? and the main villain? but why can the blond one talk to him like that? hold up is that the crazy one with the bombs, why tf him ?!?!

team 7, who have all interacted with deidara before and (like everybody else there) can not believe he could have an actual relationship with feelings: what

obito: dei pls-

deidara: oh dont you dare dei me, tf is this shitshow supposed to be? a fucking genjutsu, are you shitting me? do you want me to come up there and punch you?

and obito uchiha, jinchuriki of the juubi, half hashirama cells that heal him instantly, wielder of the mangekyo sharingan and rinnegan: *backs slowly away and half hides behind madara*

everybody: ???????

(also the iwa ppl just watching and being so fucking perplexed like they literally told everybody deidara was batshit and here he is scaring his, apparently, bf (they wont ever be able to wrap their heads around the fact that somebody would want to date dei, ignorant fools all of them) who is powerful enough to wipe the floor with the bijuu)

dolls with diamonds stuffed inside

Chapter 1

whumptober 2020 theme 5: where do you think you’re going; prompt 3: rescue

Content warnings: mentions of past torture, noncholance towards character’s own possible death and probable incoming torture, threats of torture and death, self-depricating talk, emotional manipulation, Yan Bingyun is not in a good headspace for this

edits october 12 2020: all instances of daoren changed to the correct daren; Shen-xiaojie’s name corrected to her novel canon name

Glossary for ppl like my mum:

Ge-- older brother, informal. 

Daren-- lord. 

Gongzi-- young master, or a slightly more diminutive form of lord

xiaojie-- lady (lit. little big sister; used as lady in this context)

xiao-- little

This lifts nearly all dialogue from episode 38 and 39 of Joy of Life, found on youtube

—start—

Yan Bingyun blinks when the door opens, but doesn’t look up. Whoever it is, they’ll hurt him. He doesn’t much care for who it is. He tries to listen to the conversation they have, but the wounds from today’s first visitor have yet to stop bleeding. He’s tired. He isn’t going to get out. Listening for secrets that won’t be of use after an escape that won’t happen is pointless, so Yan Bingyun doesn’t bother to do so.

“Yan Bingyun,” the man who was speaking before says. Something waves in front of his face, but Yan Bingyun doesn’t open his eyes to see what it is. “I’m Fan Xian. You blocked me on my way to the capital,” the man adds. “Do you remember?”

Yan Bingyun opens his eyes, slowly. He remembers well enough to ascertain that the man before him is indeed Fan Xian, though how Fan Xian has come to be in BeiQi is unclear.

Then Fan Xian is pulling aside his robes, clucking his tongue at the gashes from earlier. “This wound is new,” Fan Xian says, “Just now?” he asks, and Yan Bingyun wants to talk back, but he’s tired.

Fan Xian brings up the war, brings up DaQing, thanks him for spying, and Yan Bingyun reminds himself why he’s doing this, why he’s allowing them to strip away his humanity little by little. Everything is for DaQing.

“I’m the envoy to take you home,” Fan Xian says. Yan Bingyun looks at him, sees an odd, almost earnest expression in his eyes, finds his own lips curving up into a bitter smile against his will.

“You serve BeiQi,” he says, a simple statement of fact, because that’s the most obvious answer. Fan Xian has been at the capital for such a short time, the only way he could have made it so high is if he betrayed their country, betrayed DaQing.

Fan Xian’s expression goes wide-eyed for a moment, like he can’t believe Yan Bingyun doesn’t believe him. “You think I’m lying?”

“You became an envoy in just a short time?” He braces himself for hurt.

“He is the real envoy of DaQing,” Shen W-Shen-xiaojie bursts out. “He’s here to save you!”

Yan Bingyun glances at her. “Why did he hold you hostage, if he’s the envoy?”

“Shen Zhong won’t release you,” Fan Xian says. Of course not. Yan Bingyun hasn’t given up the information Shen Zhong wants yet.

Yan Bingyun fails to see the logic in this so-called rescue, if Fan Xian really is the envoy. “So you came here by yourself. How could you find me so easily under Shen Zhong’s supervision?”

He knows he’s kept in some out of the way place, that the BeiQi emperor doesn’t even know where he is. If Fan Xian is the DaQing envoy, he shouldn’t have been able to find Yan Bingyun.

Fan Xian sounds so affronted when he protests this point. “Be careful of your words, I’m smarter than him!”

Yan Bingyun huffs out a laugh. He doubts that very much. “There are many spies from DaQing here. Pretend to rescue me, and gain my trust. By the time I feel safe and contact other spies, you will arrest us all,” he says. “Is this Shen Zhong’s plan?” It’s the most obvious trap, and Fan Xian has to know that it wouldn’t have worked. He will give points for creativity. It’s different from what he’s come to expect from Shen Zhong, but not different enough that he can’t recognize it for what it is: another one of the man’s twisted mind games.

“Damn it,” Fan Xian says, and then “Persecution mania.”

Yan Bingyun doesn’t know what that is. He says as much.

Fan Xian pulls out one of his hairpins and grabs at the chains around Yan Bingyun’s ankles. “I will tell you all about my promotion after we get out and go back.”

“If you didn’t lie,” Yan Bingyun says, not actually entertaining the thought, but wanting to see how well thought out Fan Xian’s trap really is, “you should tell me how we will get out. Shen Zhong won’t let me leave easily.” Not without the names Yan Bingyun refuses to give up. DaQing has worked too hard to get their spies into place for Yan Bingyun to break at the thought of a rescue that isn’t even real.

It seems Fan Xian has an answer prepared for even this question, though he heaves out a put-upon sigh to give it. “I have a subordinate named Wang Qinian.”

Yan Bingyun’s eyes snap to Fan Xian. “Wang Qinian? The counting clerk from the first ministry?” He’s with BeiQi now too? Yan Bingyun knows the man is easily tempted into doing things for money, but he’d never thought that Wang Qinian could be tempted to treason.

“He works for me now,” Fan Xian says, like Yan Bingyun hasn’t already figured it out. “I asked him to find help before I came here.”

Yan Bingyun wants to laugh. This whole sham is ridiculous. Where would Fan Xian find help in BeiQi to help break out an enemy spy if he isn’t also with BeiQi? He says as much to Fan Xian.

The other man just rolls his eyes, grabbing the shackle around Yan Bingyun’s wrist. “Now I know why they gave you such a heavy penalty,” he says, picking the lock on Yan Bingyun’s right wrist. “Xiao-Yan-gongzi, your personality is not adorable at all.” Yan Bingyun takes a deep breath so that he doesn’t wince when Fan Xian pushes at his wrist roughly. He hasn’t let himself think of the life he left behind in DaQing. He hasn’t thought about it since he crossed the border, really, despite how content he’d been with his lot then. He would give it all up again for DaQing. Everything is for DaQing.

“Be careful,” Shen W--xiaojie snaps, swiping at Fan Xian’s arm.

“Sorry,” Fan Xian says, not sounding sorry at all. “I forgot your wound.” He picks the last cuff, then adds, “also, I must take back my words. You’re adorable for someone,” as he stands up.

Yan Bingyun’s gaze flickers down. He wants, desperately, to be able to give Shen Wan’er what she deserves. He is not used to wanting things. Especially things he cannot have, things he does not deserve. Shen Wan’er deserves someone better than him, and he cannot betray DaQing for the younger sister of BeiQi’s imperial guard chief.

It’s easier to lie to her, to crush her hope and his along with it, than it is to entertain the thought of her leaving behind her brother and her country to come with him, because there is no way he could stay with her, no matter how much he wants it. DaQing comes before any personal desires. Everything is for DaQing.

“I’ve made it very clear. I got close to you before to get military intelligence through your connection to your brother.” That is not a lie, not really. He’d just managed to fall in love during the process. “I never had feelings for you.” That is a lie, but he’s never going to tell her that, nor anyone else. If he repeats it enough, he may even begin to believe it himself.

Yan Bingyun sees the momentary flash of heartbreak in her eyes before Shen W--Shen-xiaojie steadies herself with a deep breath. “Don’t talk too much,” she warns. “You’re weak now.”

She doesn’t believe him yet, but she needs to. Being close to him will result in scorn and suspicion and likely death for her. “I’ve been lying to you,” he repeats.

“I know,” she replies. “I wanted to hate you,” she adds, like it’s a shameful secret. “But when I saw you getting injured, it broke my heart.”

Yan Bingyun knows. The days when Shen Zhong would bring in his sister in the hopes of using her against Yan Bingyun had been the worst days, not because the physical pain was any worse, but because Shen Wan’er would beg for him to give up the names and for her brother to stop hurting him within the same breath. She would sob until she passed out, and Shen Zhong would blame it on him, as if Yan Bingyun had wanted her there in the first place.

“Stupid woman,” he says, because if he doesn’t he’ll say something he’ll regret, something that gives away how much lying he’s done to make her stop loving him, even when it doesn’t work, even when she insists on loving him still, on bringing him bandages and medicine for the wounds her brother inflicts every day, as if she could heal each broken bone and bloodied gash with love alone.

It doesn’t work even now, because Shen-xiaojie stands up and says she’ll get him some water and walks to the kitchen area of his prison. Yan Bingyun watches her go, but his eyes flick back to Fan Xian as he returns.

“She’s not stupid,” Fan Xian says, “she loves you too much,” and Yan Bingyun knows that, knows that she’s likely one of the smartest women he’s ever met, but that does not mean that she cannot be dumb in this regard, in loving a man who cannot love her back.

When Yan Bingyun doesn’t give him a response, Fan Xian flaps his hand dismissively and returns to the front space. Yan Bingyun stays where he is until Fan Xian comes back over. “Come sit at the table, you’ll be able to drink your water better there.”

Yan Bingyun forces himself to his feet, not letting any of the pain he feels show on his face. He forces his hands to be steady, forces his legs to move, and when he near-collapses at the table, he sits perfectly straight again, pretending for the sake of what little dignity he has left that he intended to sit right then instead of lowering himself down more easily. It’s odd, moving without the shackles at his wrists and ankles. He can feel their phantom weight, as ever-present as the fire in his chest and the ache in his back.

There’s a commotion outside, but then Shen W-xiaojie kneels next to him with a cup and an apology. “There’s no hot water in here,” she says, like Yan Bingyun didn’t already know that. “Just take it for now.”

Yan Bingyun doesn’t thank her, but he does take the water. Then he tries again to make her stop. “Your brother and I won’t stop until we kill each other,” he says. “If you let me go, have you considered the consequences?” He knows he’s arguing to be kept prisoner for longer, but Shen-xiaojie won’t be forced to choose between the man she loves, however misguided she may be in that love, and the man who raised her.

“If you kill my brother one day,” Shen-xiaojie says, “kill me as well.”

Yan Bingyun doesn’t have a chance to respond before Fan Xian butts in. “Shen-xiaojie did you such a big favor,” he says. I know, Yan Bingyun doesn’t say. I’m trying to save her. “Why must you be so heartless to her? And guys, can we discuss this after we get back to my place? There’s hot water.” he adds, like it’s a selling point.

The door slams open before either one of them can respond. Fan Xian shoots to his feet and Shen-xiaojie snatches up her knife to run over to him. Yan Bingyun doesn’t react as Shen Zhong walks into the room.

“Hold me,” Shen W-xiaojie says, pulling Fan Xian’s arm around herself and putting the knife into his hands. The blade is facing out, away from her neck as she starts what would be a very good act if Fan Xian were going along with it. “Ge! They won’t let me go unless they get out!”

Yan Bingyun looks away as Fan Xian puts the knife down.

Shen Zhong turns and shuts the door. He walks to the center of the room, silent. Dangerous. Yan Bingyun feels his heartbeat speed up, though he doesn’t let it show. Weakness will be exploited, and Fan Xian has already left him unbalanced, which was likely their plan all along.

“How silly you are,” Shen Zhong reprimands his sister. “They’re spies from the enemy state!” He points at Fan Xian for emphasis. Yan Bingyun swallows, looking away again. Maybe it will finally sink in. Maybe she’ll leave him behind.

“I…I was threatened,” she tries to protest, but it’s weak, and Shen Zhong easily plows over it.

“I’m not stupid!” he shouts. He looks at the floor for a minute, resettles himself, then looks back up at the three of them. “Fan-daren,” he says, calmer. “Well done!” He chuckles, a sound that has the hairs on the back of Yan Bingyun’s neck standing on edge.

Fan Xian grins. “You come in alone. Aren’t you worried about being threatened by me?”

Shen Zhong returns Fan Xian’s smirk. “I’ve placed an order. If you threaten them with me, arrows will fly in like clouds. I will be shot too.”

“Ge!” Shen-xiaojie protests.

Fan Xian laughs. It sounds forced. “Why, Shen-daren, you have to return Yan Bingyun to us sooner or later. Now I’ve found him. Why don’t you let me take him away?”

Shen Zhong purses his lips. “Alright. As long as he gives me the name list of the spies in Shangjing, I’ll let him go immediately.”

Fan Xian takes a deep breath in, looking over at Yan Bingyun. “Let’s tell him?” he asks, like he’s suggesting they have sweet buns with dinner. Yan Bingyun doesn’t even have it in him to be surprised at the betrayal. He’s tired.

He considers for a moment, realizes they’re going to hurt him no matter what he answers, and decides to have a last bit of fun before he can no longer think from pain.

“Alright,” he says. Fan Xian looks shocked.

Shen Zhong’s expectant look turns pleased and he sits down on the table in front of Yan Bingyun, an obvious power play.

Yan Bingyun tilts his head towards him. “All of those ministers of the Sixth Bureau are our spies in BeiQi. You kill them all, so you’re building a peace and ridding the state of evil.” He faces forward as Shen Zhong processes the blatant lie he’s just been told.

Yan Bingyun doesn’t react as Shen Zhong flips the tables except to smile, faintly.

“Listen!” Shen Zhong shouts at his sister. “Listen to what he’s saying!”

Shen-xiaojie looks down at the floor. “I was caught by them,” she says, but it’s clear she’s only saying it because she has nothing else she could say.

Yan Bingyun takes one last deep breath, not letting it shudder the way it wants to, and braces himself for pain.

Shen Zhong straightens his robe. “Fan-daren, you may go now,” he says, gesturing at the door.

Fan Xian points at Yan Bingyun. “I must take him with me,” he replies.

“Not now,” Shen Zhong returns.

“It isn’t a request,” Fan Xian says.

Shen Zhong cocks his head. “Then, none of you can go today. Guards!”

The door bursts open, the city guards filling into a loose semi-circle around them.

Fan Xian folds his hands behind his back. “If you do something to me here, aren’t you afraid it’ll cause a new national war?”

Shen Zhong takes a sword from the nearest guard and lays it against Fan Xian’s throat. “Who knows you’re here? Fan-daren disappeared. We searched for him, and finally found his body. I was upset, so I promised to find the murderer to avenge you.”

Shen-xiaojie hisses out “Hold me!” grabbing Fan Xian’s arm and putting the knife back into his hand. Yan Bingyun isn’t exactly sure what it is she’s trying to accomplish. From his face, it’s clear Fan Xian doesn’t either.

“Start,” Shen Zhong orders, but before the guards can make it a full step forward, there’s a shout for Shen-daren in the courtyard. A guard whispers something into Shen Zhong’s ear that makes his glare even worse.

Fan Xian smirks in return. “Guys, wait a moment. My helper is here now,” he says, handing Shen-xiaojie back her knife, heedless of Shen Zhong’s sword at his neck.

Yan Bingyun isn't sure who his helper could be, given that even Shen Zhong defers to this person at least partially.

He says as much, and Fan Xian smirks again. “I’m popular,” he snarks.

Yan Bingyun thinks, not for the first time, that if this rescue is truly real, it is the worst rescue that he could have imagined. He ignores Fan Xian quietly reassuring Shen-xiaojie, straining his ears to instead listen for Shen Zhong’s conversation with Fan Xian’s mysterious helper.

He doesn’t quite catch everything, but he hears “Saintess,” and knows that Fan Xian must be with BeiQi now, if only because there’s no way Haitang Duoduo would deign to help anyone from DaQing.

Saintess’s reply is just as garbled, but he catches “Let them.” He realizes that this is likely a test of Shen Zhong’s loyalty to the Empress Dowager.

Shen Zhong’s reply is still quiet, but he assumes it’s him refusing to let Yan Bingyun go.

Then Saintess says “His Majesty’s order.” Yan Bingyun already knows that it’s a bad idea to have said that. Shen Zhong serves the Empress Dowager, not the Emperor. Shen Zhong must reply, because Saintess raises her voice. “It’s the empress dowager’s order as well,” she calls.

There’s a pause, some more muffled words, and then Shen Zhong calls to let them go.

Fan Xian grins. “I told you I was here to rescue you,” he says, clapping his hands together like a child. “Let’s go, Saintess will have prepared a carriage for us.” He leans down in front of Yan Bingyun. “I saw you collapse into this spot earlier; don’t pretend like you can walk on your own. Now c’mon, up you go.” He grabs Yan Bingyun’s forearms, clasping tight enough to have leverage but loose enough that it doesn’t truly hurt, and pulls him to his feet. Yan Bingyun hides his wince. Weakness will be exploited, after all.

Fan Xian stops at the door, turning to look at Shen-xiaojie. “Thank you for your help today,” he calls, and the ghost of a smile flickers across her face.

Haitang Duoduo is leaning against a carriage when Yan Bingyun and Fan Xian leave the courtyard. “There’s space enough for three in there. I’ll take you to your hotel.”

Fan Xian nods. “Thank you,” he says as he helps Yan Bingyun climb into the carriage.

Yan Bingyun doesn’t let himself think about how this is the first time that he’s been outside of the confines of that house since he was captured. He doesn’t let himself believe that this is real. He can’t let his guard down, because letting his guard down means he’ll be hurt. Letting his guard down means he gets caught, and it means that BeiQi tries even harder to bleed information from him.

So he doesn’t let himself believe this is real, even as the sounds of city life wash through the thin carriage walls, even as Fan Xian leans against the side of the carriage, even as his chest burns and his limbs ache. He doesn’t let himself relax, doesn’t let himself lose his posture, because if he loses his posture, he admits that he’s safe, and he isn’t safe. He doubts he’ll ever be safe again.

—fin—

—author notes—

Yan Bingyun’s head was kind of hard to get into at first, but then I sat down and watched this scene, pausing every time the subtitles changed and writing down exactly what they said, and then writing Yan Bingyun’s internal dialogue about it, and it went much easier. By doing that, I wrote this entire thing in the span of one afternoon/evening. The only reason it took that long is because the pizza for dinner came halfway through and i decided pizza was more important than Yan Bingyun’s internal angst

chapter 2 will come out on the 7th, for and if ao3 gets its act together, this should be posted there too. The link will be in the reblog to my main.

Personal side note you can skip, but I edited this during my 2 ½  hour long government classes where my teacher lectures for over half the class about a subject that we already took both notes and a quiz over, so if I didn’t edit, I would have fallen asleep, and he already has his eye on me bc I don’t stand for the pledge of allegiance, so that just wasn’t happening. Also, I wrote this a literal month in advance, and it is the most edited piece of writing I have ever made in my entire life, including things that are worth large percentages of my grade.

reblogs>likes

okay, so about bucky

i’m sure someone has already posted about this, but wtf. i’ll add my 3 cents.

everyone is talking about how steve earned this, how he was a man out of time, how he deserved to go back and live the life he should have had, which, you know, besides flying against everything we’ve learned about steve through the movies, raises the question; and bucky doesn’t?

steve rogers is a man out of time, yes, but steve rogers also did what lead him there completely voluntary. he enlisted, he accepted the serum, he dove headfirst into battle (motivated by bucky, huh) he even crashed the plane of his own volition. did he know what would happen? no, of course not. but still. he did all that, and apart from the plane he had plenty of chances to turn back. but he didn’t want to, that’s not who he is was (thanks @russos). as long as he could help, no matter how, he would always do so. 

but bucky? the canon says he was drafted, he openly admitted he only stayed in europe for steve, and after that... bucky barnes was captured and experimented on, tortured to the brink of insanity, and he chose to stay with his buddy to help fight those that did that to him, he fought bravely, and he made the ultimate sacrifice without knowing that he did. when he entered that train he didn’t know he’d accepted death, not like steve, who knew he was done. 

but, just like steve, he didn’t die, did he. no, he spent 70 years as a pow, being abused and torrured, forced to do the most heinous of acts, the was stripped of his autonomy, his body and mind and he never had a choice.

and finally he was saved. by steve. he was found. by steve. he started to heal. with steves help. and he died again, but that’s by the bye. true, he has people beside steve now, he has sam, he has t’challa and shuri, and- yeah, i guess that’s kinda it, isn’t it.

and then steve just tells him, “hey, buck, buddy, imma pop back and force myself into peggys life, and leave you stranded here with all of these close friends you have now, one of which you’ve must have known for, idk 2 years at the most, and spent maybe a few weeks with bc he was busy following me around saving the world while you were herding goats in wakanda. i mean, i could have taken you with me, but im not gonna, bc i deserve to have a happy ending, you don’t. i am america’s ass after all, you’re just an asshole and a chump.”

he could have brought him along, but i guess bucky would much rather stay with these people who he’s spent all this time bonding with and made into his new family and- oh wait. that was st- ah. nvm.

bc idk. maybe bucky would’ve taken the offer his best bro could have proposed in a different reality. to go back with steve, to see his family, see his sister(s) grow up, to reconnect with his friends, maybe they’ll come back after the war, maybe he could spend time with the commandoes, maybe connie is around still, maybe she’s set to have a great life with someone else and he can do what is considered noble and just nowadays, so who cares, he can surely win her over, just reinsert himself into her life, or if not there must be enough dames to go around, bc he’s bucky barnes, straight as an arrow, and women is his game, maybe he can go around with steve, saving himself, bc apparently that’s something ppl are convinced steve does, or more likely, just kill himself and make sure that steve stays lost and frozen after they’ve popped by to pick up the shield. bc i know in this universe time travel doesn’t impact anything. and then, after maybe going to the different timelines with steve, (idk how it works, i always assumed that since his cells regenerate so fast, the serum maybe caused some longevity, and steve must be more that just 90-100 yrs old when he comes back, so what the hell was he doing? im probably wrong though, surely the filmmakers are incapable of making such a rookie mistake.) maybe he’ll also grow old, maybe he can die in peace, but not alone, he’ll be surrounded by his- someone. 

but i guess he doesn’t deserve that, he’s not earned it. he only risked himself to stop the threat of the other soldiers, to go back to his hell to face them, he took up the call to battle without question when t’challa came, even if he was weary, so weary, just barely starting to heal, and no. it doesn’t compare to what steve’s done, of course not, because he’s not a hero, he’s a villain, he must be punished for all those atrocities ha committed, willingly and purposefully i guess. and it’s not like they were that close anyway.

okay, fuck me i just can’t seem to shut up can i? anyways i just thought i’d put that out there. 

Okay, out of the blue, but if they really wanted Steve to end up with Peggy (for reasons that have nothing to do with gay panic, no sir, not a bit, I'm sure)... They could have done it????? Like, you are literally the ones making this shit up, you could do it well, if you were interested and respected the characters.

Like, honestly... A third infinity war/endgame film.

The biggest issue is that Steve going back to Peggy, staying there, abandoning the present timeline, comes out of nowhere. But you're making the thing! You could make it come from somewhere! You are writing it, you can fucking justify anything.

Okay, so for me the whole thing went off the rails completely when they sent Steve By Himself back in time to un-do what a Whole Goddamn Team of them did. Would it not have made more sense for everyone who was on the original mission who was still physically able to go do undo the things they did???

But okay, I'm imposing rules, all the things that we saw happen still have to happen. So.

So it's that "oh yeah, he's gonna do it all himself, I know it took like an hour of screentime and like seven characters the first time, but Steve by himself is gonna do it and it'll be done in eight seconds" that was so jarring, I expected "put that thing back where it came from" to happen between films, or in a separate movie or something, and so having it slapped on the end with a neat bow around it was... One in a long line of unsatisfying things.

But if they showed us????

So endgame was already p long, and unless you were including other characters, it'd be difficult and shitty to cut a lot of screen time out just for the wrap up... But then, that's always the challenge of the last thing in a franchise, so, suck it.

But let's say Steve going back in time and... Not showing up again was the end of endgame, or endgame ended on another cliffhanger, maybe after they all got back from the time heist and had the shit blown out of them.

So then a large chunk of the "third" endgame film is "put that thing back where it came from", either with additional help, as would be sensible, or Steve by himself. Esp if a large chunk of your movie has already been devoted to a tribute/character stuff for Tony, then the latter half is Steve. Doing his thing. We actually see how easy or hard it is for him to return the stones. Maybe get additional set up for future films as he takes the time to un-do the tessaract/loki kerfuffle. Does he have to return Thor's hammer too? This is an opportunity to establish whether your timetravel actually does spawn alt timelines, or is internally consistent.

We get to see him meet redskull again.

Maybe he tries to bargain with him, to trade the stone for Natasha, and learns it doesn't work like that, and has to decide if he's gonna leave the stone with a gaurdian who was once his worst night mare... For nothing. Maybe we see him face some of that old fear, and find a little closure.

Maybe we even see him have a convo with shade!Natasha, as he thinks, since Thanos was able to do that with Gamorra, kinda, through the soulstone. She has a further opportunity to explain why she is or is not okay with this turn of events, why she was willing to make that sacrifice and sit-out the happy ending. Why she chose to Stop fighting, rather than persuade Clint to work with her to find a work-around, or something.

And Steve hits on that idea, the idea of being Done. They have an opportunity to finish out the emotional plotline they opened in Winter soldier, and continued in civil war, where she was trying so hard to be a good friend, wanting so badly to learn how to help her friend find happiness and not be sad anymore.

Maybe it's in here that he brings up Bucky, brings up the people he would leave behind. Maybe she's the one who makes him take a hard look at what happiness looks like for him. Maybe she's the one who first makes a comment about how resilient ppl like her and Bucky can be, or something. Reminds him that what she had needed, in the end, wasn't One Person (thinking of Clint and or Bruce), but a team, a family, a support network. And she'd gotten it.

There's a little closure there, too.

And so he returns more stones.

And then he's in New York, and we maybe see him have a serious conversation with Tilda Swinton's character, another character who, canonically, has faced (or is preparing/prepared to face) what death/retirement/stepping out of the fight looks like. We see Steve struggling with and ultimately making that choice. To step out of his timeline. Or, back into his old timeline. She seems to understand timelines, so we can have a short mechanics-discussion, and... If it's parallel timelines, then Steve realises he can have his cake and eat it too, he can have Peggy and also rescue Bucky and it won't screw anything up, and he just has to step back into his old timeline to let them know what he chose. (And, I can't help it, maybe drop off his ice-self from the parallel timelines. Just saying)

Or, if it's not, if the timelines are, idk what it's called, self-healing, then Swinton explains that.

And so we are brought to understand that if he chooses to go back... He still can't save Bucky. He could invest all his energy and life into it, but because Bucky wasn't saved, obviously Steve couldn't save him... But maybe, Steve might realize, the reason Winter Soldier happened the way it did was Because timetravel!Steve had laid groundwork for it.

And so he realizes that he's gonna decide to stay with Peggy because, like Harry Potter seeing himself across the lake, he already HAS decided that.

So he does, he stays.

We see him make the choice, but we don't see what the choice is...

And the movie snaps back to everyone waiting on Steve to come back. And he doesn't.

And we see the old man on the bench.

And either immediately then, or in flashbacks between lines he delivers to other characters (falcon, maybe), we see snapshots, maybe no audio, Steve and Peg deciding to lie about who he is, to everyone, doing their best to thwart Hydra, laying the groundwork that would eventually reveal Hydra and expose Bucky and allow what happened to happen.

We maybe even see the funeral scene, see old!Steve explaining to Sharon (who never officially knew he was Steve Rogers) that he just can't do it. He said some words at the rosary the night before (if they're Catholic), or at the private wake (if they're Irish or Catholic), but he doesn't think he can get up there in the big ceremony, she's all official, a respected member of govt, would she mind terribly?

And so we get a shot of young Steve and old Steve, on opposite sides of the church, old Steve noticing his younger self, young Steve too stricken to notice.

And as that part winds down, we realize...

Bucky's not surprised.

Bucky's a little sad maybe, but some line, the way he said goodbye before Steve traveled... We suddenly realize Bucky's not surprised.

Because he knew.

Because he was the only character who saw timetravel!Steve and recognized him from before. Maybe because Steve came close to busting him out a time or two... Hell, maybe that's even part of how Steve gets to the lake unnoticed. Maybe old!Steve has been in contact with Bucky, maybe for a while, maybe since Wakanda, even. And so Bucky knew. Knew what Steve was gonna choose, before Steve did.

And has had time, a lot of time, maybe. To figure it out. Maybe Steve had originally thought he'd give the shield to Bucky, and it was Bucky who turned it down.

(and maybe that is a thing that we learn in Falcon/Winter Soldier, part of Falcon realizing that Bucky respects him a lot more than he had originally thought)

Anyway. It could have been done.

But much in the way of the Game of Thrones ending, it was done with haste, and without care, and so... Wasn't done.

But it could be.

a bunch of replies

anghraine replied to your post:                   replies                

   I’ve been lowkey pissed off at the whole IF YOU HAVE DISCOMFORT WITH HOW ÉOWYN’S ARC IS RESOLVED YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND TOLKIEN’S THEMES ABOUT WAR thing for yeaaaars. yes yes peace > war but somehow Aragorn and Éomer can go a-conquering for decades and Faramir, who actively dislikes war, doesn’t give up /his/ sword. Hell, even Merry and Pippin don’t get marched through a renunciation narrative.   

   ALSO I am in complete agreement that a large part of the flaw there—and I do think it’s essentially a flaw of /craft/—is that 1) the swerve to healing is not set up at all (if anything, almost anti-set up by her clash with the warden) and 2) Éowyn is the only remotely prominent female character, and her resistance to gender roles has been persistently tied up in the warrior arc, so slicing that away would leave a bad taste even if it’d been handled better.    

Yeah, tbh I think like....from a purely in-universe, individual perspective, the reason Eowyn gets that renunciation narrative and the others don’t should be because her personal issues and approach to war are so different from theirs, that’s the reason it’s so different for her-as-a-real-person. But as a character in a story with conservation-of-detail it’s just...when she also happens to be the only female warrior yeah, you can’t say it doesn’t send a message, or that the two roles don’t screw with each other. Like, there is definitely a gender thing there. If the gender thing was actually pointed out in-universe it would probably help a lot.

I...don’t necessarily agree that her gender-role-resistance thing being tied up in her warrior thing would leave a bad taste in the mouth no matter what, if Tolkien had dedicated sufficient pagetime to transmuting or migrating this gender-role-resistance of hers into a different and more meaningful channel, and/or more thoroughly undermining the impression that the men’s continued warfare is something they “get to” do instead of, like, a major kick in the teeth of the victory....but otoh then again, the fact that she’s the only woman around still sticks out no matter how well her arc is done internally so idk maybe yeah.

thelioninmybed replied to your post: gurguliare replied to your post:  🔥 eowyn?              ...”

  this is a v. v. good summary of what always annoyed me about  what is an excellent character with one off the most important arcs in the books. It's the pulling double duty and yeah. god. more female characters, it's such a simple fix.        

simaethae replied to your post:                   gurguliare replied to your post:              🔥...                

   “90% of all unfortunate implications regarding female characters. Would be totally solved if they didn’t usually make up <20% of the cast.” god yes so very much so!!!    

IT’S SERIOUSLY SO EASY. Once you do that everything else starts to quickly fall into place because the female characters are no longer juggling utterly diametrically opposed jobs like being representations of their entire gender while also being a single realistic individual, yet somehow it’s the one thing writers and producers cannot seem to do!

simaethae replied to your post: 🔥Aule”                               

  omg YES and also Sauron would find this SO ANNOYING                

Hahahahaha omg yes. I was...sort of thinking about how the Valar don’t seem to really understand, or at least, don’t really understand how to deal with, like, internal evilness or darkness in a person, without seeing it as an external influence from Melkor. And I guess purely metaphysically speaking they’re sort of right-ish in that Melkor is the one who fucked everything up from the start, but psychologically speaking that’s not how it feels or works, even for eg, the Numenoreans. And for maiar who existed from the beginning before the world existed, even more so. Agreeing with an idea that someone else voiced first is very different from someone planting an idea in your mind by force, but I guess in story/song form these things might be harder for the Valar to differentiate, because of their perspective on how the-world-as-it-is came about?

crocordile replied to your post“🔥tell me your unpopular views on what elves look like and other visual...”

Oh my god, so much the last point!                

All that stuff about ppl being “young, but not young” etc really got me wondering exactly what non-aging would actually look like and I sort of came up with Keanu Reeves

thelioninmybed replied to your post: gurguliare replied to your post:                   gurguliare...”

nah guys, it'd give him a radiant inner glow                           shit I gotta do something even weirder now so people forget this      

INCONCEIVABLE.

thelioninmybed replied to your post“gurguliare replied to your post:                 replies            ...”

  just casually get a horrendous facial tattoo of your gf/bf as of six moths' name, it'll come off eventually                

This....this is somehow reminding of like, the El Aurians from Star Trek and their very non-tolkien-elf-like approach to longevity. Guinan: I was married 23 times and I loved all my husbands.

gurguliare replied to your post“ gurguliare replied to your post:                   gurguliare...”                               

                   but yes 2 healing things too of course, i mean i say the end of her arc isn't DISCRETE from the rest of it but it is especially clunky craft-wise. same for her and faramir falling in love tbh though i love MOST of that chapter's achieved effects, intentional and unintentional                

YEAH it’s...not the best-written section of the books haha, and I guess everyone else’s arcs get squashed or glossed pretty similarly, but less is riding on their arcs than Eowyn’s