#also idek how many of my followers are trans??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

raspberryslut · 2 years

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Maybe don’t use the word f*ggot? what tf is wrong with you...

hi. so just out of curiosity i searched my own blog and the only time i have used this word recently was in regards to a silly gerard way video (and honestly, probably the only time i personally have ever done so on this blog). in my opinion, in this post, i think its obvious i am saying this as a funny way of expressing my shock and love and exasperation at the pagentry of a celebrity--who has gone out of their way to align and ally themselves w lgbt and queer ppl--doing something thats uhh pretty significantly flamboyant and campy. i can understand how this can be misconstrued.

i am gay. i id as a lesbian. im not cis. i am a queer person. i need this to be clear here. i understand that there has been discussion of who can "reclaim" slurs in the past but it is not discussion i am taking part in here because it is irrelevant. i understand what youre saying when you say "dont use this word" ; youre saying dont be mean and callous towards people who you do not share experiences with, when you have not experienced the same level of animosity and aggression that they have and can experience. i acknowledge that i maybe i havent experienced ALL of the same things that people who have been called fag or queer or any other of the number of slurs that exist for gay men, effeminate men, men who dare to embrace a little bit of femininity.

at the same time gay history and culture are not something to shrink away from. gay people have called themselves """slurs""" as long as those slurs have been used against them by aggressors. and i am not using it in a negative connotation in that post, i am using it because i am happy someone who i look up to a little bit is doing something fucking hysterical and funny and it is bringing me--a lesbian, some unknown and confusing flavor of trans--joy and euphoria at seeing someone else bend gender norms and embrace parts of femininity i have struggled with.

there are people out there who are using this word as a slur, and using it demeaningly and as an aggressor in situations that are dangerous for people like me. i am not one of these people. there are so many more people to be worried about than a single blogger on a social media platform who used the word 'faggotry' on a post that did not get circulated widely.

in the same vein tho i understand what youre saying. and im sorry if me using it did upset you or trigger an upsetting memory, sincerely. that isnt something to be taken lightly. ill think a little harder in the future before i say things.

now considering the fact that i posted that. oh idk like a week ago, im pretty sure you dont follow me, which means you were probably looking thru the notes of that post. at a certain point i cant be responsible for what people who dont follow me end up seeing. i know this is the internet and everything lives forever but you are beholden to curate your own experience a little bit.

if you are following me tho, i mean. id suggest unfollowing. i do subscribe to a theory of uh. idk radical queer and lgbt liberation and strength and pride? im not afraid to rb and interact with people who toss around words deemed as slurs. if you dont want to be faced with that, because it triggers or upsets you, itd be in your best interest and safety to unfollow. thats understandable and honestly! i want you to do whats best for you. i want you to have an enjoyable internet/escape from the horrors of irl. truly!

i know this seems like a lot of words for someone who has like idk maybe 100 active followers. i know this isnt that serious. but it kinda is that serious to me! so again, sorry! but also im not apologetic about being like, a whole gay person who is very much in love with gay culture and strength.

also. i mean its gerard way if u think they havent heard and embraced much worse idek were even doing here at this point.

#speaketh #ask #anon #idk.

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p-r-i-c-e-r · 6 years

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ayyy @hallow-yeen tagged me so i figure i’d answer it

How did you choose your name? i wanted to keep the same initials so i went with an “m” name and basically just went from there and got Marceline, which probably also subconsciously came from adventure time lol, and my middle name is from my trans friend in high school who picked it out lol

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

my voice fucking makes me want to die extensively, also body hair

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

probably a mix of both, my face and body are the physical, my voice and way i talk sometimes is probably the social What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

nothing really, i don’t have many coping methods :( What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

well idk really, but like i know as i kid i always wanted to play with girl stuff but got told not to When did you realize you were transgender?

probably early/mid sophomore year of high school cuz i found out that being trans was an actual thing What is your favorite part of being transgender?

i dont have to fake my existence as much as i used to lol How would you explain your gender identity to others?

trans woman, i’m a girl!!!!!!

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

i made a long ass facebook post and then told my mom when she got home What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

uh none, i mean i wear a bra sometimes and i stick extra bra pads in them but idk if it even looks different What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

tucking isn’t too bad but it gets annoying when something slips out of place, also i tucked for like almost a week straight and my dong hated me lol Do you pass?

not in any way, shape, or form What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

i want to at least get electrolysis, possibly hormones, an orchiectomy cuz i know i’ll never afford a full transistion but i can at least feel a bit less dysphoric, and very unlikely, but i also would like vocal surgery How long have you been out?

idk maybe 4 years i think? What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

uh i think it’s just been trans lady, but like obvs before that i thought i was cis Have you ever experienced transphobia?

yeah, i was at a conference for key club (basically a huge group across my state) that was all weekend long, and two girls laughed and stared at me judgingly at the dance and i couldn’t get out because i was in a crowd of probably 200 people. i also got called slurs, misgendered, and deadnamed a lot in high school What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

i almost always go to the womens restroom, but if i dont feel safe, i look for a unisex, and worst case i go to the mens and use a stall How does your family feel about your trans identity?

mom seems cool with it, her bf seems cool with it, my legal guardian who took legal care of me growing up and her husband aren’t great, but they try, my grandma was apparently cool with it but i haven’t got a chance to just talk to her about it one on one, extended family idk, probably not great but i know a few of them are very sweet so probably okay Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

no, i don’t want to hide who i am, the only time i ever sort of stealth is with legal documents and all that bullshit, so hopefully a legal name change will help with most of that What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

i’d tell her to be herself, don’t let other people control what you like, be forceful!!! make yourself heard when people try to suppress you! Why do you use the pronouns you use?

because i’m a girl and i love being referred to as such~ What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

being murdered or attacked physically, also being pubically called out in a bathroom What do you wish cis people understood?

I just want to be respected, i want them to understand that we are more than just genetics and genitals, read scientific studies, they literally almost all back us up as the gender we identify with you fucking idiots How do you feel about trans representation in media?

really bad, but shout out to griffin mcelroy for making lup, she means so much to me Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

hgggg, probably bree from MsBreezy on youtube, she’s a sweety~

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

probably my friends and gf!!!!!!!! but like chelsea manning comes in second place lmao~

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

uhhhhh i have trans friends online, but that’s about it What trans issue are you most passionate about?

Hey maybe stop saying we’re a mental illness, that’d be great What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

i’m grey-ace pansexual, and i'm kinda biromantic? but i lean mostly towards lesbian Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

i’d prefer a trans partner, but i’m sure there’s a few good cis peeps out there How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

i can’t handle it, i just want hormones and to modify my fuckin body Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

i have like one trans friend irl, also my cousin just came out as trans!! but i dont have a way to contact him Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

i reblog shit when i can, but that’s the extent of it rn sadly :( Ask me anything!

imma tag some peeps this who may wanna do this, but if you dont wanna thats okay!!! @sadgayvamp @maxinima

#hggggggggggg i'm sorry if i forgot any more of my trans friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!#about me #also idek how many of my followers are trans???#like i only speak to a few of you sry ;-;

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annabellelupin · 2 years

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As some of you may know, there has been a good bit of negativity on my account recently. I got into a bit of an argument with a couple of terfs. Pretty much everything is fine now, and I'd really like to thank everyone that reached out to me and supported me through the argument. I'm dedicating this post to all of my wonderful followers. So without further ado..

Positive Marauders era Headcannons:)

Mary is not only genderfluid and omni, but polyamorous as well and has two partners

He/They Trans masc and asexual Regulus (yes you all should've seen this coming, it's my most favorite hc ever lol)

A lot of people hc Lily as demisexual, and honesty I do too, but here me out:

Demiromantic Remus and Demisexual Lily

Also chubby, plus sized Lily and Dorcas is canon at this point right?

I haven't seen many headcanons for James but I feel like he'd be aspec

Alice is almost definitely aspec (probably aegosexual) and gives off queer femme girl vibes. Actually when I think about it she lowkey gives of bi wife energy lol

Frank kinda gives off bi husband energy but is probably pan

Also just,, Alice with vitiligo is *chefs kiss* (Ik for some people it can be an insuceurity, and I really don't think they realize just how beautiful they are *my friend Megan plays that's what makes you beautiful by 1d in background*

If Dorcas isn't an African-European, then my whole life is a lie (I apologize if that isn't correct term for it and feel free to spray me with a water bottle and correct me if it isn't)

And obviously Dorcas has the prettiest hair ever. they usually styles it in an afro or multiple braids and either way she looks amazing

i personally headcanon them as a pan, femme nonbinary, but ik most people hc them as a she/they demigirl lesbian and that's super cool too

Marlene and Remus are both covered in freckles and their partners think it's the cutest thing ever

Also if Marlene isn't a femme lesbian giving off masc energy idek what is

Andromeda is omni and a demigirl

James is a total feminist prove me wrong

He's also definitely a house husband and destroys gender norms with Lily (who is the potions professor at Hogwarts)

Honestly tho all of the Marauders era characters completely destroy gender norms

Adhd James just makes sense to me

As well as neurodivergent (probably autistic) Reggie and idek why

Frank is partially blind and someone made fun of him for it in 4th year and James and Sirius came to his rescue (and that's how they really began talking to each other)

Just jegulily being a thing (personally I don't headcanon this but think its super cool and like the polyam rep:)

Regulus has social anxiety and you can not convince me otherwise

also *transes all of your favorite characters* here yaa go

and umm *declares all of your favorite characters gay*

also we need more ace and aro rep so all of your favorite characters are now aspec and/or arospec

your welcome :)

#i was going to do more hcs but ran out of motivation sorry #harrypotter #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #maraudersheadcanons #padfoot #moony #lily evans #wolfstar #dorcas x marlene #marlene x dorcas #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon #alice longbottom #alice fortescue #frank longbottom #mary macdonald #regulus black

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kumikoumae-archive · 4 years

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what are some underrated anime you’ve watched that you’d rec? also continue more pls with any slice of life / rom com type anime. If you had non high school settings that’d be great too 😭

Underrated:

Higashi no Eden (action, sci fi, thriller, romance, drama) i see this in almost every ‘underrated anime list’ so maybe it’s not as underrated as everyone thinks lol...

Hourou Musuko (drama, slice of life) this is a very short anime about a trans girl (it’s in a high school setting but the story is very different from any high school anime because it deals a lot with gender issues and gender norms and stuff) very heartbreaking but also very sweet. the animation is stunning.

TSURITAMA (comedy, sci fi, slice of life) aka The Fishing Anime. idek how to explain this anime?? it’s super weird. a guy with anxiety issues befriends an outgoing alien and an angry boy and together they learn to fish? there is a duck named tapioca?? none of my friends have ever watched it even tho i have been bothering them abt it for years lol

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru (sports, drama, comedy) HAIKYUU BUT IN COLLEGE. lol no. all jokes aside this is a very interesting sports anime. a guy recruits 10 (unwilling) colleagues to run a marathon with him. The most interesting part of this one for me was watching them evolve not only their running but also their relationships with each other.

Kyousou Giga (fantasy, supernatural) very underrated but i understand why people may not like this one. this anime is off. the. shits. when you think you understand what is happening nothing makes sense again. all i can say is that this anime is about family. that’s it.

Punch Line (comedy, ecchi, supernatural) dont let the ‘ecchi’ category fool you. this anime is a masterpiece. i think it ended too fast, it needed at least two more episodes for a very satisfying ending but i loved it anyway. i also dont know how to explain this anime tho lol... The main character’s spirit gets separated from his body if he sees a girl’s panties? but if he sees it twice the whole world will explode?? time travel? body swapping? super powers? “Punch Line follows Yuuta as he unravels the mysteries surrounding Korai House, its residents, and a villainous organization attempting to end the world. Will Yuuta be able to save everyone, or will the ever-present threat of panties result in their doom?“ this was written in myanimelist and yeah...

Mushishi (slice of life, mystery, supernatural) i dont really consider this underrated... a lot of people have watched this but no one talks about it anymore. This anime has a very unique vibe. It’s mysterious and unnerving but at the same time it is heartwarming and soft...

Rom com: (tbh i havent watched many romcoms)

Wotakoi. this one is a classic, i was a skeptic before i started it but the comedy is gold. Romance in the work place with the bonus of Everyone being a fucking otaku but trying to hide it.

Servant x Service. much like wotakoi this one is also abt romance in the workplace. tbh i watched it in 2013 so i dont really remember much about it other than the fact that i really enjoyed it

Danna ga Nani wo Itteiru ka Wakaranai Ken. THIS ONE!!! THIS ONE!!!! each episode has like 4 minutes so if you really dont know what to watch and you dont want to commit to anything too seriously go watch danna ga nani. It’s about the married life of a woman and her otaku husband. It is The Cutest thing you will ever watch.

Another slice of life i have to recommend is Sangatsu no Lion, i still havent watched season 2, but i can definitely say this anime is a masterpiece. We follow the main character as he struggles with depression. it’s a very accurate portrayal of depression and watching Rei make progress towards recovery is truly a stunning experience. The supporting cast is amazing. the animation is very unique. you can feel the moments of loneliness in your soul because the animation perfectly conveys the mood of each scene. And the heartwarming scenes feel so special... damn, maybe i should watch season 2 now

One more: Sora yori mo Tooi Basho (adventure, comedy, drama) 4 girls go to antarctica!!! That’s it!!!

#im sorry i dont have more romcoms #now i want to rewatch all of these..#but specially tsuritama and hourou musuko #answered #gi talks #higashi no eden #hourou musuko #tsuritama #run with the wind #kyousou giga #punchline #mushishi #wotakoi #servant x service #danna ga nani #sangatsu no lion #a place further than the universe #Anonymous

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dxmedstudent · 5 years

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how do you explain being a transgender is acceptable to someone but someone saying they want to be a microwave/dog isn't. Or someone who says that they are black when they are actually white? What really is the difference idek how to support the points.

I’m… going to assume this isn’t a troll ask. But asks like this are on thin ice, and if I get any follow ups that are disrespectful to trans people, they will be going in the bin. Human gender is a complex, multifaceted thing. What makes us feel male or female, or both or neither? Biological sex is one thing; and that’s complex enough. But what we feel? That’s even more complex. What role do traditional and cultural gender roles play in how we perceive ourselves and gender? To what effect do we as humans construct gender, and then trap people within those categories, sometimes against their will? I feel that the categories only serve a use only as long as they don’t harm people. There’s a big difference between saying ‘I feel that I am this kind of human, regardless of what others perceive me to be, or the arrangement of my genitalia, and it makes me feel happy and right to live life like this’, and ‘I’m a dog’. It’s very dehumanising for trans people to be compared to something like that. And I find it difficult to answer this ask because of this. Gender and sex are spectrums, with people falling all along their path, and I don’t think it’s hard to explan that men and women are more similar than humans and dogs, or humans and microwaves. Anyone who tries to compare the two is being pretty disingenouous. Realistically, there just aren’t many people out there who genuinely ‘want to be a microwave or a dog’ (unlike trans people), and if such cases actually exist, I think those cases are rather niche and need to be examined. Why do these people feel that way? What can we do to make them feel more comfortable? What help might they need? What is their understanding of reality? Fundamentally, people can’t stop being human, and anyone who thinks they can has a different grasp of reality, but regardless of what they think, they can’t become not human. However, gender is a very different form of clasification than species. There also aren’t many people claiming to be another race than the one they were born into. Race is also a construct, albeit with strong connotations in a different way from gender. And again, I don’t think that’s comparable to being transgender or nonbinary. But I feel that’s another topic that needs nuanced conversation on its own. And I don’t particularly feel like having that conversation right now, and given that I’m not being paid anything to clear my inbox between oncalls, I’m not touching that one.

#Anonymous

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wodrueckts · 5 years

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Rules:

1. Always repost the rules!

2. Answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

3. Give 11 questions!

4. Tag 11 people!

i was tagged by @floraflorenzi =D

1) What are your favorite symbolisms in Skam/the remakes (eg. Isak’s locker)? Pretty much everything in s3 of the og, like the whole season was so full of like intertwining symbolism that it’s hard to just pick one out of that.

I also really liked the role food has played in druck s3 and how it kind of symbolized connection to other people. also shout out to david’s locker moment bc it was a nice nod to the og and also it kind of jumpstarted my whole interpretation of him as a character which turned out to not be too far off.

2) How did you discover Skam? just one day i saw a lot of it on tumblr and then put it on my mental “to watch one day” list but tbh it took quite a while until i finally got to it

3) What girl/boy squad would you choose to be part of? i’m gonna kind of cheat and just say the whole big druck united squad lol

4) One thing you would change about each version well that’s kind of difficult for me to answer bc i actually haven’t seen a lot of the remakes haa so i’m just gonna say some really superficial and uninformed stuff for most of them that’s just based on stuff i’ve seen on tumblr.

but first druck, which i can actually talk about lol: i’d definitely change how mia’s bisexuality was handled bc it was quite a mess and probably mostly just put in as damage control after they saw what kind of reaction the mia/hanna kiss got. and bc it was so handled so badly it kind of taints all those “kissy” moments between the girls that to me would usually be pretty inoccuous. bc to me, (straight) girls giving each other pecks on the mouth is actually really normal? and not like the performative way that’s for straight guys, but just girls giving each other little kisses as greeting or just because. like when i was in school, all the girls in my class (except me rip) greeted each other by kissing on the mouth. they would come into the class room and just give each girl that was already there a peck on the mouth one after the other. so those moments in druck (mostly on insta) when the girls give each other these pursed-lipped little kisses is on one hand very normal girl behaviour to me but bc of how mia’s bisexuality was handled, it does leave a bit of a bad tase in my mouth.

skam france: from what i’ve seen most people didn’t like s4 and thought it was bad so probably that.

skam italia: maybe a not-white, muslim actress to play sana...

skam austin: more shay. also while i usually like those moments of silence and just sitting with the character, that are very typically skam, i felt like they dragged on juuuust a tad too much in skam austin sometimes

skam nl: i don’t really know the context of that scene but that whole wedding dress situation? seems kind of bizarre and... bad?... to me? but maybe it’s better with actual context so who am i to judge lol

skam espana: probably the pansexuality discussion which i think felt a bit more dismissive towards pansexual people than in the other versions and after what the actors said on twitter it doesn’t seem like an accident =/

wtfock: idk tbh i don’t actually see much about it on tumblr and haven’t watched it myself...

5) If only one character from any remake could get an original season who would you choose and why? honestly this question is an attack lol but when it comes down to it... david. bc i love him and think he’s interesting but also just bc of the representation. so far he’s the only trans character in the whole skam extenced universe (afaik) and while we did see quite a bit abt him in matteo’s season, i think a season with him could still do a lot of good and maybe a season where relationship drama isn’t the focal point (bc him and matteo are SOLID) could be fun. but really, i would like so many characters to have a season.

6) What is your personal favorite version and what do you like least about it? if we exclude the og then it’s easy and it’s druck lol and what i like least about it... well, probably what i’ve already written above for the “what would i change” question. oh, also that after s2 all the episode are only 20 minutes long (thanks for nothing zdfneo, fu too)

7) What representation would you like to see in Skam (other than more wlw)? probably fat characters, especially a fat main. especially if the character being fat isn’t ignored like it doesn’t matter or doesn’t inform how they go through life and the world sees them but it also isn’t like the ONLY thing that defines the them and their story.

8) What country would you like to have a remake? oh, there are so many countries that could have very intersting skam remakes, especially if they’re not in (western) europe or north america. but i can’t really choose a specific one

9) What character can you relate the most to? And why? matteo, hands down lol. he IS me if i was a teenage boy. like, obviosuly The Depression is very relatable, but also the way he shows affection (by being a lil shit) or just some of his mannerisms, like the way he always slouches or his dumb little salute or how he can’t NOT make a stupid face when someone tries to take a picture of him. it’s all very me. watching s3 was just a constant stream of “*vine voice* hahaha i do that”

10) Do you have an unpopular opinion about any of the Skam ships? i never shipped eva/pchris? does that count?

11) Are you following the characters on social media? And do you have notifications turned on for any of them? i follow every druck character as well as shay’s finsta lol but i don’t habe post notifications bc tbh idek how exactly to turn them on lol. and yeah i’m sure i could easily find out but also i’m lazy.

and now onto my questions:

1. if you could decide between having all the remakes or getting one (1) more season of the og, what would you choose? would it make a difference who the main of the new og season would be? if yes, what character(s) would you sacrifice all the remakes for? and for which character(s) would you NOT do that?

2. which skam universe character do you think you could take in a fight? and which character would you want to fight regardless of whether you think you could take them or not?

3.which relationships do you think will stand the test of time? do you think any will be a life long thing? who will eventually break up? who will break up but get back together at some point? and who SHOULD break up or never shoud’ve gotten together in the first place?

4. what is one song that you discovered through skam or the remakes that became important to you?

5. were you wary or excited when you found out there were gonna be a bunch of remakes? has your opinion changed since then and if so how? or did you not know/care about skam before the remakes came out?

6. any specific lines that stuck with you? either because you related to it personally, it sounded very poetic or just because if felt perfect for the situation and the character.

7. which character would you most like to be stuck in traffic with? and which the least? why?

8. whose character’s room would you most like to live in?

9. what is one fandom moment you will never forget?

10. is there something that’s very prevalent in the fandom that annoys you?

11. has there been something in the shows that really disappointed you? and has there been something that exceeded your expectations?

uhhhhh and i guess i gotta actually tag people for once... gotta overcome my fears here lol. also you don’t have to do this of course and if you’ve already been tagged and i haven’t seen it just ignore this lol

@8letters3words1meaning @dummerjan @lesbabfilm @dearvaltersen @josephtate @franzithebookworm @everythingjustpeachy @sampagner-official @druckdruck @kornrosen @i-dont-know-how-to-quit-you

#god this got long fuck #tag game

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eyelidviewing · 5 years

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Formal coming out

Omg 🙈🙈 idk how many times I've came out or have hinted very obviously, or straight up told yall. Idk if any of yall remembered or even paid enough attention to know. But , pride month is right around the corner. This summer, because my really unsupportive dad is moving, I am taking steps forward. Sure, baby steps. But they are still steps.

First and foremost, if you do not like what you are about to read, unfollow. If you refuse to respect me, unfollow. If you are overall going to be an absolute fucking asshat bitch about it, unfollow. Simple as that.

4th grade, when I had this account, I was getting deeper into puberty (started in 3rd). This made me feel whack as hell!! I didn't know what the fuck my chest was doing and I sure as hell didnt like it. Whatd I do? Binded. Tight ass sports bras, double stacked. I still had short hair, I was semi passing.

I didnt know what the fuck I was doing. I was asked often "are you a boy or a girl?" And I obviously fucking wasnt a girl. I told everyone I was a boy. I told them I wanted to be called a boy. Granted, everyone thought this was a joke but still followed my wishes anyway. Thanks to the ones who did that LMAO idek if you remember but I do and I am forever grateful.

I then learned what transgender was because of my cousin. She thought she was trans because her ex boyfriend was and told her she was too. My mom was confused but supported her choices. My dad wasnt on board.

I then realized "OH shit. That's a thing?" But because internalized transphobia is a thing, I refused. And I wanted my dad to actually love me lmao. Then I discovered the toxic internet LGBT community and was like "I'm genderfluid xe/xem, I'm asexual demigender bisexual" and I was just. Confused. And if you have been here long enough and remember, I actually had that in my bio!! Pronouns and all!! I did they/them for a while as well!!

My dad eventually got sus and I stopped. He has always wanted me to be girly. From the start he wanted me to be this princess and shit. And growing up I wanted him to not be disappointed in me and actually love me. So whatever he suggested and bought for me, I wore it. Why? Because I didnt want him to fucking hate me !! In 6th he bought me makeup and I didnt know what to do. I started wearing that shit and tbh I started getting hella good at it 😳😳 whenever I didnt wear makeup hed tell me how disappointed he was and how ungrateful I am cuz he bought me it. And if u know my dad u know how much he has made me hate myself !!

I did this shit up until November 2018.

I tried to fit this image my parents, specifically my dad, had for me. And it brought so much pain. It has caused me to hurt myself, thought about doing things to myself to relieve dysphoria *cough* scissors to chest *cough*, and really made my depression worse than it already was.

November 2018 I binded for the first time in 3-4 years.

I looked in the mirror. I saw how flat my chest was. I started sobbing. I bursted out into tears because this. This is how it is supposed to be. This is me. I was late for school because I had to change out of it and finish getting ready while my ride ( jacey 😎 ) was waiting for me.

I hinted towards 2 friends about it.

I was talking about how confused I was and how much it hurt to look in the mirror, take a shower, looking down. Doing anything really. And they comforted me. Told me theyd love me no matter what.

November 2018 was the same month I came out.

I was scared.

Because of the makeup I used to wear to please everyone, especially my family.

I was shaking while typing into my groupchat at the time that I have something to say.

My 2 friends supporting me and telling me it's okay and itll be fine

I finally send the message. Gc is silent for a little bit.

The amount of love and support I got was amazing.

Even if I'm not friends with some of those people anymore I will be forever grateful because of how well they comforted me and reassured me itd be okay.

Next day I told my mom

BIG ASS STEP LMAOOO I WAS POPPING IN CONFIDENCE

My mom was really, really confused. Still is.

She came home and made me, her and my sister sit down and talk before my dad came home. I broke down.

I told them how I've known. I've known since 4th grade but I've been so scared to tell them because I was scared they wouldnt love me anymore. Theyd be disappointed that I'm not their daughter.

They support me

My dad doesnt know still

I'd like to keep it that way

Everyone through the beginning of this journey has been amazing and helpful.

Even the ones, especially my mom n sister, who dont understand

So with that being said !! To sum it all up!! The words I am still terrified of saying !!

I, Audie, am transgender. Ftm (female to male) I go by he/him pronouns. I am a boy.

Also I'm disaster bisexual LMAO

If u dont like that uhh please unfollow I dont wanna deal with that.

If we are friends, I hope to God you dont change your views. I hope you dont ghost me or some shit. I have good friends rn and if I lose them because of this I'd literally be so heartbroken.

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cressed · 7 years

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50 bookish questions tag

thanks to @midnightinkspill for tagging mee

1. What is your favourite book and/or book series of all time?

lol why u do this to me. i honestly love solitaire by alice oseman a lot but also harry potter and the lunar chronicles. honestly just check my goodreads its in my bio

2. What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages?

i think les miserables idk how many pages because i got it as an ebook. either that or lord of the rings cos i got the three in one thingo

3. What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date)

the iliad

4. What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not?

throne of glass lol let me die i hate that series so much dont come @ me

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series?

i mean ive always said that the lunar chronciles would make a great movie so :)

6. What is your favourite stand-alone book?

solitaire and i also just finished the hate u give and that was phenomenal

7. What is a book that you feel glad for not reading?

lol rest of the throne of glass series.... even though im gonna download them one day lol

8. What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading?

none because i know im gonna read them eventurally

9. What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth?

i cant remember the full title but its something something cinnamon girl by melissa keil lol

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of?

i have three philosopher’s stones and two Emma’s by Jane austen even though i havent read it.

11. What horror book made you really scared?

ive never read a horror that scared me. i dodnt really read much horror tho

12. What book do you passionately hate?

tog

13. What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it?

does all of rick riordans mythology series count? thers like 25 idek. if not then i will have to say harry potter and im slowly making my way through a series of unfortunate events

14. What book gives you happy memories?

harry potter and lunar chronicles

15. What book made you cry?

i cry in everything lol most recently was half blood prince cos im reading the series again

16. What book made you laugh?

Ihonestly theres always a scene in rick riordans books tha makes me giggle

17. What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character?

lol. i dont have an all time fave so im gonna recommend some some. radio silence by alice oseman (every character is lgbt), song of achilles (gay and bi ithink cant remember), raven cycle (gay and bi), perks of being a wallflower (gay side character), the dark wife (lesbian) by sarah diemer, solitaire (gay and bi side character), if i was your girl (trans mc), the complete works of sappho (lol)

18. Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it?

who hasn’t lol. rn im reading 20000 leagues under the sea

19. Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it?

yeah lunar chronicles it was on the moon. also does high fantasy count? then lotr and daughters of the storm by kim wilkins. those are the only two high fantasy i like.

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which?

nah i try to finish everything just in case. but im not mad if i dont

21. Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured?

oh my god.carrie by stephen king (shit) and misery by stpehen king (even shitter). (sorry caitlin).

22. What famous author have you not read any books by?

i mean ive attempted jane austen a few times, never read mark twain either. im slowly making my way thru the classics.

23. Who is your favourite author of all time?

i stan marissa meyer so hard because she is like so well rounded? great plots, characters, writing and themes. although if there are no lgbt characters in renegades im unstanning lol

24. How many bookshelves do you own?

two but only one is for books

25. How many books do you own?

goodreads says ive read 490 so i’d have probably about 300-430 on my shelf perhaps

26. What is your favourite non-fiction book?

I constanly think abour Eartha kitt’s autobiography ‘i’m still here’ nearly every day lol. that was amazing.

27. What is your favourite children’s/middle-grade book?

his dark matericals by phiilip pullman

28. What is your next book on your TBR?

the kite runner

29. What book are you currently reading?

20000 leagues under the sea

30. What book are you planning on buying next?

hunted by megan spooner

31. What was the cheapest book you bought?

it was this weird book called in search of ancient gods and its about how religion is invented by aliens. i got it for free from a church op shop.

32. What was the most expensive book you bought?

i think it might have been the casual vacancy by jk rowling.

33. What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series?

girl interrupted

34. What is the newest book you have bought?

the kite runner

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year?

im doing the popsugar reading challenge so i usually dont even know what im gonna read until its time. im gonna try and fit renegades into it somehow, also that beauty and the beast spin-off book ‘lost in a book’, and tbh im pretty excited to read hunted.

36. What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc)

lunar chronicles. the terrible trope was heterosexuality.

37. Have you read a book in a different language? What was it?

i tried to read the history of alexander the great with a greek-english dictrionary but i couldnt do it lol

38. What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born?

u kno there are a lot of better examples but all i cant think of right now is outlander.

39. What book offended you?

im offended by the existence of throne of glass >:)

40. What is the weirdest book you have read?

yeah. insearch of anceint gods. ill give u abit of the blurb.”before the dawn of recorded history, the Earth was host to extra-terrestrial beings ... [who] left signs unmistakable of their visit.” if you’ll remember its about how religions are created by aliens. one of the reviews is by ‘the universe’. i dont know if thats a newspaper or what. its also non-fiction.

41. What is your favourite duology?

soc is the only duology ive finished pretty sure. i did like passenger by alexandra bracken. i just havent got wayfinder yet.

42. What is your favourite trilogy?

lord of the rings

43. What book did you buy because of its cover?

ghostgirl by tonya hurley (its honestly so pretty). stealing snow by danielle paige. also the 20th anniversary edition of harry potter.

44. What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover?

the cover i have of anne of green gables is ugly af. also the uk covers of percy jackson are disgusting.

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favourite poem from it?

yeah i have a few. leonard coehen, sappho, rupi kaur, amanda lovelace, and lang leav. i also have this teen poem anthology i got from netgalley.

anyway sappho is my fave poet so i will do one from her things.

i shall be ever maiden

if thou be not my lover,

and no man shall posess me

henceforth and forever

but thou alone shalt gather

this fragile flower of beauty -

to crush and keep fragrance

like a holy incense

thou only shalt remember

this love of mine, or hallow

the coming years with gladness,

calm pride and passion

46. Do you own any colouring books based off other books?

47. Do you own any historical fiction?

yeah there is a few

48. What book made you angry?

tog. also the hate u give but in a good way

49. What book has inspired you?

all books inspire me

50. What book got you into reading?

harry potter and also twilight lol. then lunar chronicles made me read heaps more than i did before because i doubted i could find a book as good as it and i wanted to challenge myself

idk how many booky people follow me back who will do this so i tag whoever wants to do it just tag me in it so i van see ur answers!

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blurrybenzoboy · 4 years

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cw talk of EDNOS/fucked body image then like idek general suicidal thoughts and socital collapse Lol cannot figure out read more soz but legit this blog is 5 years ago who follows it .... eurgh just tried jeans on that were tight af in January expecting them to not fit at all but they were slightly lose which seemed really dramatic. It’s not it’s just.. idk if shit will ever change in my head, fat is like a state of mind not a tangiblelook/tangible measurement of size.. and that doesn’t have to be the worst omg I'd rather die than struggle with this forever type feeling at all like..but.. the fuck is the point legit know tangible measurements numbers blah blah fuck off but I know and now am starting to question if regardless that information even means shit, what if the scale is legitimately a significant amount just off/broken... what if my fucking jeans can lie to me.. ok lol I wrote the jeans bit and yeah that’s ridiculous, this is ridiculous, just does it matter in a sense of im finding elaborate excuses to not eat cus I can’t go ‘well I’m a fat prick I’m not gonna starve to death’ every single time eventually I challenge it and I don’t wanna I just wanna...... not be fat lol but I don’t think it matters even if I changed size for whatever the fuck is ‘the better’ I guess my head just wants me to be smaller and like lol ok ye not saying I am healthy but I wouldn’t be at what is define by multiple different health standards (tried to find better than bmi and it just seemed wildly off for gender differences, where tf do I go with that when I’m trans, ‘at 6 months on t u can consume a single unit more alcohol and the male calorie reccomendation’ doesn’t help at all god even as it’s own thing its bs ffs. But ye just feels like I’ll always have shit body image and that’s like... well this possibly not brilliant behaviour won’t intrinsically change what it wants to anyway so why fucking bother but I can’t be bother with this anymore like urghhhhh fuck off cannot find how to do ‘read more’ do excuse me in my geriatric state of 27 if you accidentally stumbled across it or know me or god idek. lol (that’s what early 20s me thought of 27 I guess I intended to kms at 27 so relatively god how ancient xoxo like on my birthday I just...stopped caring about late 20s being older... only so many years u can pass past 21 and be like I’ve not made it yet shit shit shit I am running outta time... I’m not gonna make it however I wanted to I’m not gonna make much more of myself than this lol or at least doesn’t feel possible anymore.. society is falling apart, life is bullshit, there’s a pandemic, I’m legit just getting mentally more distressed just in different ways as I age yeet man don’t wanna wait this out too long... I wish I could just end it for the 27 club as a vacuous reason alone but I can’t lol guess I just gotta wait round for death and societal collapse, god can’t wait for things to get even more fucking dire, how much better can they realistically get like enough to work as much as other people but that’s l I t e r a l l y insane shouldn’t take 10 years give or take on disability benefits to see how not right or normal that is but here we are, thinking people deserve human rights is ‘alt left’ and some wild radical concept............. I just can’t be fucked then man I give up, go think that, go enjoy being evil like the bullshit government wow money so important but somehow not even enough, also need power so we can kill people who aren’t us.......chill whatever but I want out of this bs. Guess I’ll google read more since this is long I am as unhinged as I sound cannot make it sound nicer so others aren’t like lol bye u low life... good Jesus Christ if your gonna think that fuck off then. So I started out to be like im a fat prick n its a mental thing I doubt will ever change and here we are right at I cannot be arsed to live in this society anymore but I can’t kill myself that’d be unfair on other hour her better keep myself alive just incase they want me for some bs reason I can probably no longer fulfil anymore lol. I’ve written the ED (feels dumb af being this legitimately overweight and saying I have an ED but yeah guess it is or something guess bigger people shouldn’t be expected to feel like this by default, but yeah the ED part the least triggering I possibly can will avoid tags don’t want people accidentally finding this. Doubt long posts receive the unwanted attention my most reblogged post that was a thought not intended to be fucking reblogged like it’s glamorous or logical or good or cool or edgy or anything other than a rubbish self destructive thought I had...that at over 200 notes no longer isn’t just glamorising opiate addiction and suicide but hey that’s, Tumblr innit no porn anymore just stripped back to the human suffering it’s always been full of or pictures of...ominous windows recently lmao u do u yeet done talking.

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