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thanksjro · 4 years

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More Than Meets the Eye #14- Everything’s Coming Up Overlord

Our issue opens up with a prologue.

Two miles below the surface of the moon, two miners are going at it, as they discuss the merits of their respective tools. As the guy with the pickaxe hits the floor below him, he exposes a bright green light hiding in the ground.

The miners, amazed, make a call to their boss, Momus; the very same Momus who would one day become a Senator and eventually be killed by the Senate for his Decepticon sympathies.

Momus, once made aware of the situation, makes his own call to the Functionist Council, siting that a Code 113- because of COURSE it is- is taking place. The Council responds by shutting down the mine and sending a representative to check things out. The representative claims his name is Three of Twelve, but I know The One Electronic when I friggin’ see him.

The green light, once authenticated, is scheduled for retrieval and “nurturing”. Because Momus is in charge of the mine, and this green light is a super big deal, Three of Twelve grants him the status of Alt-Mode Exempt; he can basically do whatever the hell he wants, free of Functionist meddling. Dang, Whirl should have tried digging one of these things up! Would’ve saved him a lot of heartache.

Guys, c’mon, it’s Momus! You ought to know by now that he’ll fuck you, but he doesn’t fucking need you. You ain’t getting a thing, and you also won’t have any time to unionize, because you’re going to be dead by the end of the day.

That green light turned out to be a spark, the sort of “soul” that a Transformer has at the core of their being. That murderous little ball of light is a robot zygote.

…They really let the guy with the well-documented thing with pregnancy handle the reproductive aspect of the world building, huh?

Anyway, it’s time to see what Milne’s take on Last Stand of the Wreckers looks like.

Wow, that is just the uncoolest line. I mean, wow.

Make note of Overlord’s lips here. We’ll be seeing a lot more of them once the lady robots make an appearance.

Overlord makes quick work of Springer, punching him into the dirt, and we see someone who most certainly was NOT present for the events of Last Stand.

We do that, jumping to the part where Ironfist explodes Overlord with his mind.

He didn’t say that! My immersion in this story about giant space robots is broken!

This obviously leads to Overlord being reduced to a flaming skeleton, and he screams at Chromedome to scoot his boot so he can get at Verity. Chromedome refuses, antagonizes the guy who’s at least three times his size, then initiates a scene change with a literal snap of his fingers.

Lot of good reference material for Chromedome in this issue. Artists take note.

Here is our first taste of mnemosurgery on someone who isn’t dead or dying, as well as our first taste of Chromedome having something resembling self confidence.

Outside of Overlord’s brain foyer, Chromedome stands on a forklift, with both of his horrid, needly hands punched into his patient’s head. Overlord is still very much in the position we saw him in issue #6, hooked up in a full body harness in something called a slow cell.

Overlord, still very sad that he got stood up by Megatron, tells Chromedome to kill him. Chromedome refuses, saying that he wouldn’t even if he could.

Hey, Chromedome. Maybe don’t tell this guy you can’t kill him. Just seems like maybe not the best idea.

Chromedome gets back to work, getting perhaps a bit too comfortable as he pulls himself up a chair from- I dunno, Overlord’s brain aether.

This really is your element, isn’t it, Chromedome? You’re just straight-up power tripping right now. No wonder Rewind has to literally beg you to not do this.

We jump into another one of Overlord’s memories, where’s he’s getting his shit absolutely destroyed by Megatron in a gladiator fight. We get our first taste of information creep as a concept, which is referred to as eidetic decay here.

I wanna know what the purple guy with the blue visor’s face situation is. Don’t think we’ve run into anyone like that before. It’s a little concerning, if I’m being honest.

We move on to the next memory, but it looks like “same shit, different day” is a huge part of who Overlord is as an individual, because it’s just more of him getting whaled on by Megatron.

After this uncomfortably intimate moment, Megatron puts his bucket helmet back on and states that Overlord is finally “ready.”

Ready for what, you might ask?

You remember that obscene sort of fascination of Roberts’ that we keep running into? We’re about to delve into some of that right now. But first- the set up.

We’re in a new memory, in a place called the Foundry, and Overlord’s been stripped down to his robotic skivvies and placed in a large glass tank. Megatron walks up, berating Rossom (of Rossom’s Trinity fame) and saying “to hell with safety protocols, I’m Megatron and I say we make Overlord into a Phase Sixer, meh meh meh.” Shockwave is there.

Rossom’s concerned about this project, because A) they’re going to be using the last of their ununtrium to do this, and B) if it works, Overlord’s going to be the strongest motherfucker ever, and he’ll probably try to kill Megatron.

Ununtrium is something that actually exists in the real world, though it in no way works like it does in MTMTE. Ununtrium is actually an outdated name for the element Nihonium, a synthetic chemical element, whose most stable form has a half-life of 10 seconds. It has no known properties or qualities, because it simply doesn’t last long enough to be studied that in-depth. So why use this element in the story? The answer lies in the placeholder name itself. Ununtrium was named so because it’s the 113th element in the periodic table.

In other words, Ununtrium was used because Roberts is a massive nerd.

Because Overlord’s a Point One Percenter, and in fact that murderous little spark we saw at the beginning of the issue, he ought to be perfectly fine. Shockwave has planted a killswitch in the guy’s brain in case he tries something funny on Megatron.

The narrative is interrupted for a moment as Chromedome chastises Overlord for being kind of sleepy in his memories. Then Chromedome lets something slip that he probably really shouldn’t have.

With the contingencies in place, it’s time to get the Phase Sixer show on the road.

Well, there it is.

Oh, and a bit more.

Overlord thanks Rossom for all his hard work by crushing his skull, and thus the story of how he became a Phase Sixer draws to a close.

Megatron, you had literally zero reason to say that. This is how you can tell Roberts wrote this scene to fuck with people.

Back in the white void, Chromedome’s patting himself on the back over a job well done. In the background, Overlord’s smiling.

It’s never a good thing when Overlord smiles.

If Chromedome had just kept things professional and didn’t keep bringing up their shared history, Overlord wouldn’t be able to have another flashback- this one’s got Starscream and Thundercracker in it! No word on where Skywarp’s gotten to. Skywarp doesn’t get a ton of attention in IDW Transformers.

The three of them are bombing what appears to be a wasteland, on word from Decepticon intel that there’s something worth looking for in the area. Turns out, intel was right.

Chromedome, suddenly antsy, pulls them out of the memory, demanding to know why this is happening. Overlord just smiles.

Oh, hey Brainstorm. What brings you to the New Institute?

Chromedome, your war crimes are showing! Turns out Mnemosurgery and Shadowplay are the same fucking thing.

As Chromedome assists in what appears to be an empurata in progress, he’s shot in the gut, as present-Chromedome screams and reaches for himself.

Overlord and company release Soundwave, who is in no way grateful for the assist. They leave quickly, Overlord taking Trepan as a souvenir, because that’s just the kind of guy he is. He kidnaps people.

As Chromedome in the past lays bleeding out on the floor, Chromedome in the present decides it’s time to share his feelings.

Prowl did Chromedome a solid after Zeta came into Primehood, and got him an internship at the New Institute. The one time Prowl was nice to his partner, and it’s to hook him up with a job that can and will kill him the more frequently he does it.

Chromedome was so good at poking people in the brain, he got a nickname out of it. That nickname? Chromedome.

Yeah, his real name is Tumbler.

Chromedome remembers himself, and the fact that they shouldn’t be seeing any of this, because Overlord is the patient and he wasn’t there for this info dump.

Overlord’s still smiling.

Overlord may be a lot of things, but he’s no dummy. He took Trepan with him to learn mnemosurgery, in an attempt to learn the secrets of the Achilles Virus Shockwave planted in his brain. He didn’t complete his training, because Megatron caught wind, but major smart boy points to you, Overlord.

Now he’s going to use his own mnemosurgery skills to bust on out of here.

Chromedome, Overlord has been killing fools since literally before he was born, and you basically handed him a rope to hang you with.

SMASH CUT TO:

There he is, Cybertron’s #1 Bastard Bachelor! Of course he’s involved with this!

All that stuff Rung told Fort Max in issue #6, about Overlord’s spark being in a whiteout vacuum? A giant ruddy lie fed to the public, to give High Command a chance to figure out what they were going to do with him.

Prowl, they are MARRIED, you giant space ass.

Prowl has a theory that Phase Sixers aren’t born, but made. We as the readers, of course, already know this, but we’ve got to know where we’ve been before we can figure out where we’re going. He’s invited Chromedome to his office to ask him to mnemosurgery Overlord up and get the secret Krabby Patty formula Phase Sixer recipe.

Chromedome, doesn’t want to do that, though. He wants to live in a peaceful world, where Rewind doesn’t have to worry about his impending, work-related death.

How exactly mnemosurgery kills practitioners is never exactly explained. I, however, have a theory.

We’ve already established that if you inject enough times, you start getting crossover with your patients’ memories in your own brain. We’ve seen it happen with Chromedome in the Annual, and it was vivid enough that he wasn’t sure if the memory of committing suicide by way of Gideon’s Glue was his own or not.

Because Transformers are very similar in bodily functions to humans- because this isn’t hard sci-fi- it stands to reason that more than just memories reside in the brain module. The brain controls movement, organ regulation, chemical balances, all that jazz.

Where does the line for memory get drawn? Who’s to say that bodily functions wouldn’t start bleeding through the connection? If you can have memories bleed through and have to double-check with someone on whether or not they’re yours, who’s to say that it can’t happen with other parts of the brain? Like programming for your robotic organs? If a patient clearly remembers how hard their fuel pump was going during a stressful situation, does that stress response translate for the surgeon’s body type, or does it stay at what it had been for the original brain?

If Chromedome’s fuel pump starts going at a rate designed for a guy the size of Fort Max, it’s probably going to explode.

Getting back to the story at hand, Chromedome says “thanks, but no thanks” and is walking out of the room, when Prowl does something kind of stupid:

He starts threatening to blackmail the guy who has pointy mind-wiper fingers and doesn’t really like him all that much.

This is one of the larger seeds involved with a dropped story plot, in which it would have been revealed that Chromedome had been part of the mission that led to Dominus Ambus’ disappearance. It was seeded very early on in MTMTE, but never came to fruition, mainly due to the fact that Roberts didn’t want to give Chromedome and Rewind’s relationship that much of a trench to jump over. I mean, how would you even handle that, finding out that your current husband was complacent in the disappearance of your first husband? It’d be messy. Way too messy to be wrapped up cleanly. There’s other aspects of that plot thread that I’ll cover later on, but trust me when I say it would have needed its own spin-off series to be properly handled and resolved. A spin-off series that it wouldn’t have gotten.

As it currently stands, the interpretation of what exactly Chromedome did that would warrant him getting cagey here is wide open. Was he involved with the Ostaros situation in Sins of the Wreckers? Did he have a past with a Decepticon that Rewind wouldn’t have approved of? Was he a Decepticon at some point? Does he not like dogs? It’s up to YOU, dear reader!

Prowl’s threat goes about as well as you’d expect.

I mean, really, what did you THINK was going to happen?

Chromedome wipes the memory of making the threat, as well as the information that made the threat possible, then leaves, and Prowl is none the wiser.

Overlord’s not done yet, though. He moves on to the next memory, which involves a giant, naked human. Chromedome enters Brainstorm’s lab, while he’s hard at work on the holomatter avatars. Brainstorm has stolen Perceptor’s sniper sight and is wearing it on his head. Why does he have it? What purpose does it serve him? Who knows!

Drift is accompanying Chromedome on this little visit, and thus the identity of the mystery door-whisperer from issue #12 is revealed.

Watch out for his hands, Drift.

The mystery of the oddly threatening medical drone is also revealed- Brainstorm had them all loaded up with a speech recognition program that would alert Drift whenever Overlord was mentioned.

With introductions to Project: Total Insanity out of the way, it’s time to get technical.

Five seconds for Overlord is thirty minutes for the rest of the Lost Light. In theory, if he somehow broke loose from his bindings and escaped his cell, they’d have plenty of time to scramble the troops and get ready for him.

Let’s see how that theory works when applied to real world testing, shall we?

Overlord gets the code to the cell, thanks to this merry little jaunt inside Chromedome’s brain he’s decided to take, rips free of his bonds, and makes his exit. Chromedome, temporarily paralyzed and mute from the strain of doing such a long deep reading on Overlord, can only watch as he walks out the door, making a promise to find Rewind first when he starts killing everyone on the ship.

Oh man, this next one’s gonna be a doozy.

#transformers #jro #jro punches me in the face #mtmte #issue 14 #maccadam #Hannzreads #overthinking about robots #text post #long post #comic script writing

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dreaminpeaches · 3 years

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Humble Pie Concept: Hereau Timeline

Okay so its 4am when I came up with this concept it was too hot for me to sleep so forgive me, if it's sound too weird.

Okay, so what if Beau never met Beau (walk with me to this pier before you throw me off), but instead Beau met Hera...

Hera is character from my other blog , but she exists in Humble Pie, as a famous all star athlete. She's not only know for being a talented athlete but also a beautiful athlete as well. Beau knows of Hera and is a semi fan of hers, her poster was one of the only ones he didn't take down when he was redoing his room. Anyways, Hera is also known be to a very cool and spicy athlete often called the Mona Lisa of sports because she never smiles in pictures and she has a very cool girl, competitive and cocky persona in public. But in actuality, Hera is a nervous wreck whose real dream is to break from her cool girl persona and become a cutesy idol girl.

Where as Bonnie and Beau are interesting as couple for how different they are, Hera and Beau are interesting for how similar they are, both trying to break from personas, that they made for themselves out of protect and want to be a more honest verison of themselves, and I could see them help each other through it.

Beau and Hera's relationship is more mellow than Beau's and Bonnie's chaotic relationship, like for example, Bonnie won't really have the patience to go fishing with Beau--like just watching him fish, but Hera wouldn't be really mind it, she would actually find it really calming, and would enjoy watching Beau along with playing with the cats near by.

Beau is less snarky with Hera and more gentle because Hera can be really hard on herself when she makes the slightest mistakes, and tends to fall into stress loops.

While in Beau and Bonnie's relationship, Bonnie is the one usually to make Beau laugh and cheer him up, in Hera and Beau's relationship, Beau is the one to make Hera laugh and is more goofy with her. Mostly because Hera doesn't rub it in like Bonnie does, like when Beau acts goofy around Beau too much for too long , Bonnie is basically like "You like Krabby Patties don't you, Squidward?" If you know what mean, but Hera is more is more like "Thanks, I need that" and doesn't mention again in mocking or teasing way.

Beau and Hera also have a few more things in common, they both like sports (duh) and they both grew up with fathers who weren't the best dads outside of sports. Hera's father wasn't nearly as physically abusive as Beau's dad, he was more neglectful and ignored Hera anytime she wasn't talking about or practicing some type of sport, Hera's dad secretly wanted a son and kind of was depressed when he found out Hera was a girl, and ever since she could walk he always pushed her to more masculine interest than feminine, he would completely ignore her if she wanted to show her dad and new song and dance she made up in her favorite Ariel dress but she would have his undivided attention if she finally prefected her volleyball serve. Bonnie never knew her father because everytime she would ask her mom what he was like she would say "He was a useless p@#$ who couldn't handle my energy, so I got rid of him", Bonnie's mom would as end the conversation there never really elaborating any further.

How Beau and Hera meet is basically the same how Bonnie and Beau met, but with Hera the meeting has a more 90/80s sitcom feel like "All Star Athlete, Hera Grace? What are you doing here?" But less sitcom y because Hera as a nervous breakdown at the same time her car broke down. So, not only is Beau trying to help fix her car, but is also trying to comfort Hera, while at the same time trying figure out what is All Star Athlete, Hera Grace doing in his small town driving a beat up car.

At first, Hera tells Beau that's she just in town for vacation...

Beau: "So, out of all the places you could go as All Star Athlete, Hera Grace, you chose a small southern town?"

Hera: "I guess I just like the humble aesthetic... heh heh.."

Beau:" Okay.."

Beau (internally): Grandma was right, famous people are weird..

Beau and Hera continue to meet to work on Hera's car, and people don't recognize Hera because (a. Small town folk wouldn't really believe some one THAT famous would just plop into town (b. Using superman logic, Hera wears sunglasses so nobody can recognize her. So yes, Beau and Hera are sunglasses stunting couple 😎😎

Anyways, Beau and Hera start spending more time together and get closer, there is that scene where Hera walks in on Beau playing and being goofy with his siblings, but since Hera isnt as teasing as Bonnie, Beau doesn't feel as embarrassed about it.

There is a moment where Beau walks in on Hera doing a Disney number in one of her cute idol dress, she has another breakdown when she realizes Beau is watching, Beau comforts her again, and that's when Hera reveals that she actually made a deal with her father that if she can at least start her idol career in a year, then she could quit her athlete career and become an idol full time. The reason why she came to Beau's town because all the big city entertainment and music companies literally shut the door in Hera's face, Hera suspect that her dad was behind it and was purposely making harder for her since he wasn't going to help out at all with her idol career, which is why he gave her the best up car, there's a small but ambitious entertainment company in Beau's town looking to start an idol group and since it's not connected to a big company Hera felt like she actually had a chance. Hera begs Beau to keep this a secret and she isn't ready to go public with it.

Hera: "Please, keep this a secret, if-if anyone finds out, I'll--ill--"

Beau: "Hey! hey! It's okay, I know what it's like to keep a secret, but at least yours is actually really cute.."

Hera:" (Blush) heh...heh.. thank you, that really means alot to me, Beau"

While Bonnie's hyperfixation is mascots, Hera are idols, idol culture, Idol anime shows/games, and Disney. She often info dumps about Idol stuff while helping Beau work on the car.

Hera: "Oh! Oh, there's this another idol group I like called Arashi, they're were the first idol group I ever seen, and they have this one song that oozes sparkle energy, and they're still really cute and fun despite being kind of old for idols, and --oh, I'm sorry, rambling again.."

Beau: "No, no, it's fine, you smile for real when you talk about that stuff, I like it.."

Hera: "(blushes) UMMMM!..okay, so where was I-- oh, yeah.."

For money, Hera works at a cat cafe, she was gonna work at the same maid cafe Bonnie did but Hera was still shy about preforming in front others on the spot like that, so she picked the cat cafe that was two stores down, she also coaches softball at the local rec center.

Hera is no where near as flirtatious as Bonnie, since Hera spent most of her life practicing sports, and trying to literally win her dad's affection, she didn't really think about boys in a romantic sense, although she is comfortable around guys platonically, Beau was the first guy to treat Hera like a normal girl, not one of the guys or a sports goddess, just a normal girl, Hera is used to being call Beautiful or Sexy, but when Beau calls her Cute, she considers that flirting.

Since Hera is so used to holding masculine energy and qualities and being praised and recognized for it, it's nice to allow herself to be more feminine and being recognized and complimented for it.

While Beau is more sparing but loving with his kisses with Bonnie . With, Hera he uses his kisses to comfort her and/or to stop her from falling into stress/aniexty loop, usually holding her or hugging her or at least holding her hand and say "It's Okay", "I'm here", "Don't worry about it"

Okay, that's about all I have to say for this timeline/AU, I still love both Beaunnie and Hereau equally, I like Beaunnie for it's chaotic energy, I like Hereau for it's neutral good energy, I like both Bonnie and Hera, we can stan multiple queens in this household thank you very much...

#immersive daydreaming #paraportal #paracosm #paracosm: Hereau! Humble Pie #para ship: hereau #i actually like how chill and comforting this dynamic is #hera had some gender dysphoria at times in her life #this post was brought to by 4am brain #im not getting sleep tonight rip that REM #what dynamic are these two i still haven't figured it out

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dcat-could-be-spookier · 3 years

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one word prompt: formula

I still can’t believe you gave this as the prompt-

************

“What are you doing?” Dark walks into the meeting room only to find that the table has vanished and a singular uncomfortable looking plastic chair and chalkboard have taken its place. All the much more comfortable chairs have been shoved to a corner of the room.

Oh and Wilford is sitting in the aforementioned uncomfortable looking chair raptly looking at a stoic Google who has chalk dust on his nose and glasses, “We’re learning!” Wilford says which doesn’t explain much so Dark looks to Google for information.

“He wanted to know the Krabby Patty formula. I’m teaching him math instead,” Google says placidly as he pushes up his glasses smudging more dust on his face. Ah, so that’s how it happened.

Google turns back to Wilford, “So if Kurt has 80 watermelons that he bought-”

“Why the fuck does Kurt have 80 watermelons isn’t there usually a limit-” Wilford cuts himself off, “Also where’s the goddamned courtesy??” Here he throws his hands up and huffs, his chair leaning dangerously backward due to his gesturing.

Google surprisingly takes this in stride and continues calmly with the rest of the question, Dark takes it as his cue to leave.

………..it’s nice to see some of his family get along. Hopefully the Host and Bim haven’t killed each other while he’s been away, they were supposed to include Google in their impromptu get together but-

Oh well.

He can make up something, although judging by the taunts and screams he can hear he may not even need to.

#ask #asks #dcat cant fucking follow the rules #for fgfluidity #fgfluidity #dcat's writing

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oh-theatre · 5 years

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Sycamore High: An Explanation (Chapter 38)

A/N: Hey lookey we back! Can you believe there are only two more chapters before we get to the sequel? I'm big excited!! I hope you enjoyed it and hope you leave me some comments!

summary: The kids take their theatre finals and the professors have some exciting propositions and plans to make

words: 2670

warnings: Swearing, negative thoughts, kissing, violence

Edited by: @theyreallidiots (I really love you a lot youre great and my fave, also LET IT BE KNOWN SHE DIDNT APPROVE THE MR.STARK COMMENT)

Ao3 Link

Finals Day 2…

“Hey” Emma greeted sliding her hand into Paul's. He looked up giving her a half-smile. She kissed his cheek, handing him a coffee. “For you” He took it gratefully, he still wasn't there. “Are you ok?” She asked softly as they continued walking. Paul took a deep breath, staring forward.

“I don't know” He admitted, his heart pounding heavily. His feet were dragging and he was barely making an effort. Emma's heart sunk, she squeezed a little tighter. He appreciated it, he really did, but he was exhausted and, to be honest, a little embarrassed. Once Bill had left the previous night and things had settled down it was just Ted, Paul, and the professors. They were all just a little too kind, Paul couldn't handle it. He broke down crying, and it wouldn't stop. There was a lot he had locked up for a long time and it just flooded. He was grateful Ted had been there, but right now? He wasn't and he didn't want to go through explaining everything to Emma. That wasn't fair to her, she just wanted to be there.

“Did you know...that I love you?” Emma reminded, twirling her hand gently in his. He smiled up at her, ok...this was good. She walked next to him, falling in step with the boy. It didn't take the pair long to reach the lockers. It was empty, leaving just the two of them in the sweltering morning heat of the school halls. They set up their chairs, as usual, a comfortable silence between the pair. Once they've sat down and gotten their work out, Paul feels an overwhelming need to talk.

“I don't want to see him” He blurted out. Emma turned to him, closing her computer. He looked to her, wringing his hands “I just...I don't want to. He scares me Em…” Emma takes his hand, squeezing it.

“You don't have to babe, stay with Ted until he gives up and leaves” Emma informed. Paul nods, she’s right. He literally has no obligation to see him. But he’s holding so much over his head, so much weighing him down. He’s in Paul’s home and he has Alice wrapped around his finger. Marley can’t speak up, all she can do is silently hope Paul is ok.

“Yeah...you're right” He gives in, what else is there to say? Emma gave him a small smile, leaning as she plants a sweet kiss on his cheek. She goes to pull away but he turns kissing her on her lips. It's perfect, it’s sweet and it's safe. And there is nothing wrong with safe, it means something special to Paul and he appreciates that. “I love you too” He finally responds, she smiles stroking his face returning to her work, Paul follows suit.

~~~

“I told you to come alone” Sam spat as Charlotte and Jackie appear.

“And I thought that was stupid” Jackie retorted giving him a smirk. He scowls but sighs. Charlotte clutches just a little tighter, she's scared. Jackie gives her a supportive smile, it's exactly what Charlotte needs. “Cut to the chase Sam what do you want?”

“I want to...apologize” He sighs as if saying the words are too much, too much of a chore. “I was rude, mean and harmful” He recites, Jackie shakes her head, something's off. “I am sorry for the way I acted”

“No, you're not” Jackie blurted, Charlotte jerks her head towards Jackie. She tilts her head curiously. Sam bites down a scowl once more.

“You're right, I don't” He spits, Charlotte's eyes grow wide as she realizes what's about to happen. She pulls Jackie out of Sam’s way as he moves forward running into the wall. “Are you insane?!” Jackie screeches at Sam, who glares but ultimately does nothing. He turns and leaves, stomping into the hall. “Are you ok?”

“Are you?” Charlotte worries, examining her girlfriend. Jackie leans in kissing her softly, her hands playing with Charlotte's hair. Charlotte giggles through it, pulling away. “Guess that answers my question” Charlotte takes her hand squeezing softly.

“Let’s go” Jackie leads her to the lockers, the anger she previously felt now disappearing. They walk towards the locker, sitting down next to Paul and Emma. Jackie ruffles Paul’s hair as she does so. Paul shoves her almost pushing her out of the chair and she laughs. “Hey loser” Emma glares at her, but this normality is just what Paul needs. “Hey, where are the terrible T’s?” Jackie asks peeking around the hall.

“Yeah, where is Ted?” Paul follows Jackie's example. Bill plops in the chair next to him.

“Leading the raid to Area 51” he commented casually. Without giving it a second thought, Paul nodded returning to his work. This was probably true to be honest. The bell rings soon after and the group, save for Jackie makes their way into the auditorium for their theatre finals. Ted is there waiting by the piano going over something with the pianist. He nods thanking the man before joining the group.

“You guys as nervous as I am?” He jokes shakily. They nod sitting down, he waves to Chad as he enters the room. Paul leans over whispering.

“Hey, how was area 51?” He asks, Ted leans back eyes still glued on Chad.

“Fucking dope dude” He answers “I found the secret to the Krabby patty recipe” Paul fistbumps his friend sitting back. Chad claps his hands together gathering the attention of the students. He introduces the final before calling up the first student. It was completely random, he spun a wheel on his phone with their names on it. After a few students had gone Chad calls the next name.

“Bill Dorris” The group seizes and Bill swallows taking a deep breath. He stands shaking as he makes his way to the stage. Chad nods encouragingly, Ted and Paul give him their best smiles. He takes a deep breath before looking at Chad.

“My name is Bill Dorris, today I will be singing ‘I’m Not That Smart’ from the musical ‘25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee’. Thank you.” He smiles at the pianist who begins playing the song. Ted shakes his head, oh the irony. He starts singing slowly and his nerves disappear as the song goes on. He can't really remember when he finished, but the sound of clapping cued him in.

“That was amazing dude” Ted compliments, Bill nods gratefully. Another student goes before Emma's name is called. Paul kisses her on the cheek whispering a stroke of luck as she goes.

“I’m Emma Perkins, my song is ‘Get Down’ from the musical ‘Six’” She smirks. Paul nods, Charlotte 'woos’ in approval. Chad shakes his head playfully but hit the play button on the karaoke track. It's the perfect fit, sure it's a little low but the energy is just right. She finishes strong, a standing ovation for the queen. Paul compliments her endlessly, that is until his own name gets called. He didn't think the fear would get to him, but everyone could see the vibrating.

“M-my uh… my name is Pa-aul” He tries, he looks helplessly to Ted, who stands, making his way to his friend, mimicking a breathing technique. A few of the students snicker but quiet after receiving a glare from Bill. After a moment Paul regains himself, Ted sits smiling the whole way through. “I'm going to sing ‘My Petersburg’ from the musical ‘Anastasia’...enjoy” He adds gaining a hint of confidence. Emma beams at him, look at her dork. The song goes beautifully, and the group cheers almost too loud. Chad nods in approval, a good sign for Paul. Charlotte is next, practically bouncing up to the stage.

“Hello!” Emma can't help but smile at her enthusiasm, her energy “I am Charlotte! And today I will be performing ‘Me and the Sky’ from the amazing musical ‘Come From Away’” She nods excited at the pianist who begins. Theres not a single person in the room who isn't on the edge of their seat, her voice just carries and she is wonderful. No one is going to deny that she might just be one of the best in the room. And when she finishes, they all feel a smidgen of disappointment as the gracefulness leaves their ears. A few more students go before finally Ted is called. He’s ready, at least he hopes he is. He just doesn't have the energy anymore to care or feel nervous. He just does it.

“Ted Hidgens” He raises a brow at Chad, who rolls his eyes.

“My song is ‘All That's Known’ from ‘Spring Awakening’ and I am so sorry Jonathan Groff” He adds before starting. Bill and Paul share a look. People aren't sure why he apologized as the song goes on because it's amazing. Chad would be the first to say, Ted's voice had grown so much over the past year and he might be a bit impartial but he was so proud. The ‘A’ the boy received on his final was no favor. It was well earned and deserved.

~~~

“Really? No Tommy again?” Charlotte complains regretting it almost instantly as Ted joins the group at lunch. He eyes her before avoiding any eye contact. Jackie nudges her softly, she shakes her head. “I’m sorry Ted” She is, she wasn't thinking about how he must feel. She just really misses the bright bouncing boy.

“Speaking of Tommy, is that him?” Paul asks, Ted turns to where he is pointing his heart sinking. Tommy stands across the hall, cornered by some taller kids. It might not be clear to the rest of them but Ted can tell, Tommy is uncomfortable. His lips pursed resiliently, the way his shoulders tense, his feet dance around each other carefully. They're clearly saying something to him to cause this reaction, the lunch in Tommy's hands shakes. Ted clenches his fists standing. “Woah...you're going to go over there? Aren't you mad at him?” Paul asked once more.

“He's still my boyfriend Paul” Ted responds, Bill feels a tug at his heart. He smiles approvingly as Ted makes his way over to Tommy. He puts himself in front of the two sides, glaring at the perpetrators. “Why don't you go give yourself some swirlies?” Ted spits, they scoff but leave receiving an icy stare. Once out of sight, Ted turns to a reddened Tommy. The smaller boy avoids eye contact but anyone can see the small tears dripping from his eyes. Ted softens as his heart races. He leads the smaller boy to their signature corner. Tommy sniffles rubbing his tears, Ted waits, he would wait forever if he had to. Anything to miss finals really, he feels a phantom Bill scold him. Ok, and be there for Tommy.

“Sorry” He sniffles some more, glancing towards the hallway “Thanks, I should go” His voice is dry as if he's been squeezed of everything that made him… him. Ted shakes his head baffled.

“Really Tommy?” Ted scoffs, Tommy bites his lips. In a last-ditch effort to stop more tears from coming. “Can you please tell me what is going on with you? Because I don't think I-”

“I'm leaving… for a year” Ted goes to interject but Tommy shakes his head. “Just...ok?” Ted nods “My parents are sending me to a boarding school for junior year, they want me to...have this experience.” He sighs, his breath is shaky. “We visited during spring break after they found it in France during the winter break” Ted really wants to speak now. “I don't have a choice, and I have been really busy with finals…”

“I've told you everything that happens to me and you've been there, do you really think I wouldn't do the same for you?” Ted begged Tommy meets his eyes.

“I knew you would” It's small, almost afraid but it's there. “I couldn't...I didn't...I don't want to go” (Mr.Stark) He cried, Ted pulls him in but Tommy pushes away. It's just not there anymore. “Oh crap!” He burst, Ted eyes him “I have to figure out...where Bonnie’s going to stay. She's not allowed to come” He shakes his head, Ted furrows his brows.

“Shouldn't your parents be doing this?” Ted argued, “Figuring all this…” He trailed off as he saw the look on Tommy’s face, he pursed his lips “They left, didn't they?” Tommy nods “I’m going to...argh!” And just for a moment, it feels normal. “I can take Bonnie, Clyde’s been missing her anyway” He offered, Tommy looks up trying to stop more tears from coming.

“I can't ask you to do that”

“You aren't, I literally offered” Ted assures, Tommy hides whatever smile decides to creep onto his face. “Tommy-” He didn't deserve this, Tommy had been nothing but cold and yet here Ted was so willing to do anything. He couldn't let him do that.

“I gotta go” He decided, he just can't do this anymore. He has to study, he has to...to go. And Ted, for what feels like the millionth time, watches him go.

~~~

Glee Club but Better

Emma/Quinn: So basically none of you want to talk about how you're feeling?

Ted/Puck or Blaine: No, Paul and I are fine, also who the fuck named the group chat

Emma/Quinn: That would be me and Charlotte, and also yall sound like the opposite of fine but go off I guess

Bill/Artie: Charlotte and I. Are we still doing dinner tomorrow?

Charlotte/Brittany: Yeppers! Table for 7, at 6pm sharp!

Jackie/Santana: Hey is Tommy coming?

Ted/Puck or Blaine: I...don't know. Why don't you ask him?

Jackie/Santana: Fine, I will assface.

Paul/Finn: What did I miss? Also, Em, doesn't the Finn guy end up with Rachel? Who would be Rachel

Tommy/Kurt: Jackie you know I'm in the group chat right? Yes I will be attending dinner

Emma/Quinn: Yeah…

Charlotte/Brittany: I think Melissa, that girl in our class would make a good Rachel

Emma/Quinn: Thanks Lottie, Paul if you start dating Melissa…

Paul/Finn: I won't, but I am heading to bed I'm exhausted, also the professors are telling us to go to sleep so…

Ted/Puck or Blaine: Yeah, night losers

Emma/Quinn: If I have to start singing ‘keep me hanging on’ I might scream

~~~

“Oh I'm sorry kiddo, we didn't mean to wake you up” Chad apologized as a sleepy Ted waddled into the living room. He shook his head leaning over the couch kissing his dad on the cheek.

“Whatcha up to?” He yawned. Henry lifted a binder he had, instantly lighting Ted’s face up. “Wedding planning?” He smiled, flipping through. “So cool” he mumbled looking through the millions of ideas. He wasn't the biggest planning or decoration fan but it was his dads and he loved it. As he kept looking the professors shared a look.

“Hey buddy” Henry started slowly, Ted looked up expectantly. “We were wondering if you want to sing at the wedding?” Ted turned shocked, his face fell. “Y-you don't have to-” His words cut off by a hug, Ted squeezing Henry harder than he thought was possible. “I’ll take that as a yes?” Ted cried nodding very hard, Chad laughed ruffling his son’s hair. Ted raced back to his room, most likely to tell Paul everything.

“So, both suits or do you want to wear a dress, love?” Chad asked Henry shook his head chuckling.

“I think that's your dream dear, and you did look amazing in that dress the first time around” Henry added, Chad stroked his cheek nodding. “I think matching suits, with a simple flower change” Henry decided, Chad squealed.

“Perfect!” He clapped his hands together. And it was.

“Problems can always be fixed kiddo” Chad comforted, Ted, nodded crying into the professor. “I know it hurts right now but it'll get better” Chad soothed, he held the boy.

And it already was.

#sycamore high #tgwdlmhs #tgwdlm #the guy who didn't like musicals #musical theatre #theatre #starkid #jon matteson #joey richter #lauren lopez #robert manion #jaime lyn beatty #Corey Dorris #mariah rose faith #my writing #writing #ao3 #archive of our own

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latealzalost · 5 years

Note

Howdy. I am the friend of the lady who asked about Team Miror B. headcanons. I wanted to say that I think you're very detailed and articulate, I loved them. I wanted to ask kind of the same thing, how you view their relationship with Michael, since there really wasn't much interaction with Wes. You can ignore if you'd like, but I just wanted to say hello and it's good to know that Orre hasn't died out.

Ah all in a day’s work ^^

Usually I take 7 hours more-or-less to formulate a good response for a good topic, so this may take a moment and a lot of text. I may take a day of pondering and reviewing everything I know and reanalyzing if I must.

Let us begin.

In the beginning at their first encounter with each other, Team Miror B. thought little of Michael as nothing more than a wandering child who happened to be a trainer. Miror B. offered Michael to join his posse, but of course the illusion of choice is used here in that no matter what you choose you’ll still end up being enemies because Miror B. can apparently sense Michael’s insincerity upon saying “Yes”.

Hence forth, Miror B. and his team have tried to continue their endeavors but are always met with Michael interfering because of Trudly and Folly’s mistake of dropping the Miror B. Radar on that first encounter in the Cave Pokespot, prompting Miror B. to wonder how Michael keeps following him.

At one point in-game, Miror B. guessed that the kid was actually a big fan trying to get his autograph. Beyond that, I can’t remember if he offered a Yes/No prompt or outright said that he wouldn’t give it unless Michael beat him in battle. Regardless, Michael never did get that autograph unfortunately. I don’t have a screenshot of this event either I’m afraid... but that is why you shouldn’t be afraid to fail a Shadow Pokemon snag in the story against non-rematchable trainers. Save some for Miror B. in your next playthrough if you want to see him more than four times.

It is clear that Miror B. and his posse’s relationship with Michael was that whatever they did, he was the pest who’d ruin their fun by taking away any Shadow Pokemon they’d manage to keep for a given amount of time. If they were lucky, Michael would fail to snag a Shadow Pokemon or win in whatever Colosseum challenge Miror B. was taking, granting them more time with their small victory of obtaining the Shadow Pokemon. The possibility of things going their way is not impossible, but in the end it was inevitable for Team Miror B. to see Michael as the one kid ruining their fun. They must have had some ill-will toward him down to the end of their rivalry at Gateon Port.

But Trudly and Folly are not the ones that bore the majority of the ill-will toward Michael the most. Miror B. was very annoyed with the kid and remembers him throughout their future encounters, but when the last Shadow Pokemon he knew was snagged from him, they retreated to the Krabby Club with a new mission that Trudly and Folly could still follow, which was nothing.

I suspect Shadow Dragonite’s snag was more of a wake-up-call for Miror B., who was living in his maniacal delusions over his dream. Owning all the Pokemon in the world is an impossible dream. His confidence even in failure remained true however. As he realized the last Shadow Pokemon was snagged from him, he found he had been working towards nothing this entire time. Yet he does his little victory dance and pose before announcing the immediate plan to escape.

When he did however, he took the elevator down, leaving Trudly, Folly, and four Ludicolo’s behind to their shock. They had to take the stairs down to continue following their leader. But even in failure they continued to support Miror B. as a new performer at the Krabby Club

Now I cannot say what really happened to Miror B. and his posse, since in-game their story ends at the Krabby Club.

But I like to think that Michael’s involvement snapped Miror B. out of a life-long mania in the same way he snapped Greevil out too.

If what it took to bring down these bosses was a child who’s pure heart destroyed everything they’ve achieved, even repeatedly, to see the error in their maniacal dreams of ruling the world one way or another, then I see them and their followers, including Eldes for Greevil, potentially grateful toward Michael and his efforts of stopping a runaway train from running any further.

Thinking back to Trudly and Folly’s in-game details on how they occasionally rely on eating Poke Snacks off of Pokespots and how Folly has been concerned over their nomadic life-style of following Miror B. all over the Orre Region for his unobtainable dream, I think they would be glad to have the Krabby Club harbor them, provide them with jobs and feed them actually decent food. Miror B. would also be thankful for the new domain to live in and possibly a new dream to get into. A dream to become a star instead.

Miror B. on stage in-game is too busy singing to acknowledge Michael verbally anymore, even if he turns to him upon examination. But at least he seems passionate about dancing on stage to music. But in time, if his popularity with the club has grown so much that he’s become a star, maybe he’d notice him again one day as someone to remember as a rival, an old friend, or maybe not remember him at all if his new overconfidence and ego buries his past memories. Memories of when he was nothing more than a tall, walking, poke-ball patterned tumbleweed in the desert chasing the glory that left him long ago.

But all in all it’s just speculation on my part. Team Miror B. is last seen in a state of denial in response to Shadow Dragonite’s Snag and the bosses’s defeat, but that could just be a short-term problem before realizing the Krabby Club is the place where everybody will know their name.

But as we know, Miror B. seems content now. So who knows? Maybe some day, Michael will get that autograph Miror B. owed him.

That is my answer to how I view Team Miror B’s relationship with Michael. Begrudging at first, but surrendering in the end of a journey that’s sprawled out of control when they clung to Miror B’s deluded dream for too long. And now they are at a neutral stance with each other; with Trudly and Folly potentially having better lives now at the Krabby Club with their boss. Maybe they won’t see Michael as the pest he was anymore but as another customer for the diner to entertain with music and dance. Likewise, Michael would see them as friends just as he does the rest of the former Cipher Admins and Gonzap.

Thanks for the hello! I will always strive to keep Orre’s memory alive. ^^

#alicevandrusen #Miror B #Orre Spoilers #lat's text #/long post #I take too long to write sometimes

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residentanchor · 5 years

Text

Pretty by default

Done and done, here it is!

I realized this was mentioned as lamp first, but most of the stuff I saw was for analogical, so I stuck with that. Celery: Thanks to @sockpansy once again for submitting something to the “You’re famous?” au! :D I like this as analogical actually!!

Model Logan

Logan knew his name was known by many, being a famous model it was to be expected, but that didn't mean he would actively seek out attention.

Quite the opposite in fact.

Logan did enjoy his job, he did! But he was never…satisfied when he saw finished works of him. There was always something that never sat right with him, but he knew the pictures were fine, and they would be published after he gave the ‘okay.’

Then he met Virgil. Virgil who wore the same hoodie every day, that he hand made himself no less, and would randomly pull out snacks from the pockets. Virgil, who dyed his hair purple because his friend Patton wanted to dye his blue, but was nervous to go along with it by himself. Virgil, who probably lived on caffeine more than Logan.

Logan looked forward to seeing him so much.

They had met in an online debate website, which logan used when he was overworked and stressed and needed to calm down (spending hours looking for links to prove you are right is calming for him) and he came across someone he enjoyed debating with.

xXstormCL0UDXx was quickly his favorite person to engage in witty combat with. It took some convincing, but they agreed to meet up for coffee one day. Logan had been worried Virgil might recognize him. But when Virgil just laughed at his hat that said 'cognitive cap’ he knew there was no way. They ended up trading numbers and met up multiple times to just talk or do something in each others presence.

Then came the coffee incident.

Due to logan’s work schedule, and…whatever it is that Virgil does, they sometimes couldn't meet up, so they had a scheduled coffee trip weekly. It was always marked as 'important business’ on the schedule, so no one questioned it, and Logan always had 1-2 hours to have coffee and just sit with Virgil.

Logan had gotten a refill and was returning to his booth when he slipped on the newly mopped floor. His coffee landed on Virgil, who jumped up with cries of 'hot hot hot!’ And stripped his jacket off.

The coffee had managed to quickly get to his band t-shirt underneath, and Virgil held the hem away from his body to keep the hot liquid away.

Logan quickly stood and sat the mostly empty cup down.“Virgil, I sincerely apologize, I did not mean to do that.” Logan grabbed napkins from the table and dabbed at Virgil's shirt, getting what coffee he could off. Really, it had to be the day Virgil wore a gray band shirt instead of black. It was for sure going to stain. Logan pouted and looked at Virgil.

“Hey, specs, its fine, just some split coffee, no big deal.” He gave a reassuring smile and helped Logan attempt to dry his shirt.

Logan wasn't convinced. “Let me buy you a new shirt, just for today.”

Virgil's eyes widened. “What? Yeah no, that is not happening.”

Logan stood, back straight. “Your hoodie is soaked with coffee, and your shirt will be stained, no doubt, I am at fault for this, accident or not, and I wish to buy you something so you do not get cold, I will not debate this.”

Virgil knew Logan. Meaning he knew this was one of the few points he can’t argue.

“Fine, there is a Wal-Mart nearby, just a shirt ok?”

Logan broke into a smile and agreed, carrying Virgil's hoodie as he leads the way to Wal-Mart.

_____

Logan was most-likely 17 the last time he was in a Wal-Mart. His clothes all came from designer shops or sponsors, and his food he got from…better quality areas than Wal-Mart. Or he ordered it.

But here he was, in the men's section of Walmart clothing, with Virgil obviously wanting a sweater but thinking 15 dollars was too much. Virgil went to grab a random t-shirt for $5 when Logan stopped him.

“You want the sweater correct? I will get it for you.” Virgil looked at him. Then the sweater.

“Nah, 15 bucks is too much for split coffee.”

“Virgil, $15 is nothing, I'm getting you the sweater.” Logan crossed his arms as if that was the end of the conversation.

Virgil has different plans. “Dude, I'm not letting you waste that much on me.”

“It is only $15, I can afford that.”

“And your coffee cost what? $3.50? And I can use a laundromat for a few quarters, that does not equal a $15 sweater.”

“I am getting it for you anyways.” And as if to make a point, Logan picked a sweater off the rack.

Virgil grabbed another one and held it out to him. “You get me one, I get you one. We either match or no one gets a sweater.” Virgil looked like he just won a trophy.

Logan looked at the sweater in Virgil's hands, it was a simple black sweater with navy blue and purple strips. Logan took the sweater from Virgil and hung it back up. Virgil had a moment to look smug before Logan grabbed a different one.

“This is my size, should we go try them on?”

Needless to say, Virgil did not win that day.

Logan walked out of Wal-Mart in the sweater. It was slightly itchy around the collar, and was incredibly low quality, especially compared to what logan usually wore. He glanced over at Virgil, who was carrying his hoodie now but looked delighted in the matching sweater. Logan decided this was his favorite article of clothing he owned.

_____

They were matching. They should have expected it, but that didn't mean they were.

It had been a kid. Kids are always the ones to say what they see, so when a kid on the street pointed at Virgil and Logan, saying “Mommy mommy, look! They match like you and mama do! They must be married!” Logan nearly died on the spot.

Virgil let out a snort, hiding his face from Logan. “Kids, I swear, they jump to the weirdest conclusions.”

Virgil’s ears were turning red, Logan was sure they were. He knew they are matching, but Logan didn’t think about how couples outfits often matched.

“Would it be that bad?v logan’s hands covered his mouth quickly as Virgil's head shot to face him.

Oh, Virgil's ears were red for sure, as was his entire face.

"Would what be…bad? What are you…?” His question trailed off.

Logan moved his hands in order to talk, fighting off his blushing and failing.

“Well..perhaps not the…marriage in total but…matching is often times…its uh…linked to couples. I didn't think about that before until the kid mentioned it and..uh..yeah.” Logan was at a lost for words, something he would not admit happens around Virgil a lot.

Virgil on the other hand, had managed to scrabble enough letters together to ask, “is this your way of asking me out?”

Logan let out a shaky laugh, looking at the sweater-clad Virgil in front of him. “I..i would..supose so?”

Virgil only became a darker red as he broke into a smile. He took one of Logan’s hands, interlacing their fingers.

“Well… it’s about time.”

This was definitely Logan’s favorite sweater.

_____

Dating Virgil was just like being friends with Virgil, only with kisses and cuddles and 'dates’ instead of hangouts and 'i love you’ is said.

Logan loved it.

But there was an… issue. After a date to the planetarium, Virgil and Logan had been looking for a place to eat, not realizing how late it was. Virgil saw a McDonald’s ahead and suggested it.

Logan couldn't remember the last time he had fast food. Virgil looked like he won the lottery as he walked in.

“I'm going to get soooo many chicken nuggets.”

Logan gave him a nod, as he read the menu. He squinted his eyes as he read it, it was like looking at the same thing over and over again.

“Hey, nerd, what you want?” Virgil’s voice broke logan from his trance.

“Oh uh..." he glanced up quickly. ”…number 2…meal?“

Which was how Logan was now sitting with a cheeseburger and fries in front of him. Virgil was shoving chicken nuggets in his mouth as promised.

Logan looked at his burger and unwrapped it, hesitantly taking a bite.

You know that Squidward meme? The episode where he ate a Krabby Patty and suddenly couldn’t stop?

Logan was Squidward.

"This is the greasiest, most vile thing I have ever tasted.” Virgil looked up as Logan shoved another bite into his mouth. Swallowing his chicken nugget, he asked,

“Then why are you still eating it?”

Logan took another bite. “I can’t stop.”

Virgil laughed.

______

“Wait you're a what?!” Logan could feel the panic rising. He was trying to keep calm but this was very surprising.

Virgil looked at logan confused. “A photographer. Well, sometimes. It's not my main thing, but it does pay well. And I'm just taking a few wedding photos for a few hours.”

Logan tried to calm himself. Virgil couldn’t know he was a model…right?

“Do you..do shoots often? Or for like..company things?” Logan had never seen Virgil at one of his shoots, but if he happened to see Logan or take photos for his company he might know.

“Nah, not really. I normally take scenery shots, but I do get commissions for things like this. It pays well, and I normally get to leave with cake.”

Logan relaxed a bit. He probably didn’t know who he was.

“Ah well, perhaps I could see the shots when you are finished? I think id like to see your work.” He smiled.

Virgil shrugged. “I mean, it's not that impressive, normally I get hired by people on a budget 'cause I’m cheaper than a professional.”

“Nonsense, no matter how much you cost, I'm sure your works are amazing.”

Virgil smiled at Logan. “Well…if you want, you could come with me? You’d mostly just be watching but…it would be…” Virgil glanced away blushing. “..nice to have you there.”

Logan found himself agreeing.

Logan also found out, on the day of pictures, that Virgil will go to extreme lengths to get the perfect shot.

Virgil was up a tree at the moment, hold his camera at the couple. He frowned and gave a few instructions of how the couple should pose. Logan walked over and gently tapped the bride. “It would be much better if you moved your arm here.”

“Logan, what are you doing?” Logan looked up at the tree.

“Oh, my apologies, I only wished to help.” He nods to Virgil in the tree, who stared Dr the couple.

“Ya know..thats actually not bad…keep doing that Logan.”

Logan helped to pose the couple for the 2 hours Virgil took pictures. Virgil got into increasingly weird angles and dragged other people in to help with the shots.

Logan watched over Virgil's shoulders as he flipped through the photos. To say he was impressed was an understatement, some of these were even better than professionals he has worked with!

“Hey, why did you delete that one? It was good…” Logan frowned as Virgil looked back at him.

"The lighting was wrong, and the bride’s dress was folded at the bottom, I can do better.”

By the end, Virgil had narrowed down the pictures and spent a while helping the couple pick out the pictures they liked best. Virgil was paid ahead of time, but he was still given a tip from the couple in thanks.

Oh, and cake.

_____

Virgil had been wanting to take pictures of the scenery because, and quote 'i have some sudden motivation and I need future inspiration and who knows when I'll have it again’ so he was going on a walk.

Logan had joined him on it. Walks with Virgil were always peaceful.

Virgil was taking pictures of the landscape when he looked over at Logan, who was looking out at the park in thought. He wasn't really thinking, just letting his mind wander.

He turned his head as he heard the sound of a shutter closer than before.

Virgil popped his head out from behind his camera and grinned. “You're my subject now.”

Logan couldn't help the smile he gave at Virgil. “Alright.”

And he posed. He knew exactly what he was doing, and even in his bulky glasses, and thrift store clothes (thrift shopping with Virgil was the best, you can find so many weird things, and the 'fashion’ shows are hilarious) he took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair.

Virgil was… Fucking stunned. Logan looked…he looked…fuck he looked hot. He quickly went to take his picture as Logan gave him different poses. Virgil made sure to take time to aim and focus and get good angles. At one point he noticed Logan didn't smile in the pictures. Virgil pouted and looked at him.

“Hey, Logan?”

Logan looked at him.“yes Virgil?”

Virgil decided to quote a text post he saw on Tumblr. “I love classical literature….an Edgar Allen hoe if you would.”

Logan stared at Virgil for a second, before he burst out laughing, going as far as to hold his sides.

“That was horrible,” Logan laughed as Virgil smiled and took pictures.

Virgil found different ways to make logan laugh, going as far as to point at a nearby bird and just say 'daddy’ before the bird flew at him angrily. Once Virgil was bird safe, Logan didn't stop laughing at that any time soon.

It got to the point that Virgil didn't have to make logan laugh. He was smiling in all the pictures, relaxing more. His poses weren't perfect but they managed to leave Virgil even more floored than before.

As they sat on a bench and looked at the photos together, Logan found that he enjoyed the pictures Virgil took of him the best.

_____

“Everyone take five!” Roman shouted. Logan slouched on the stool and sighed. This was the tenth break today, and he knew it was his fault.

Roman, the one in charge, walked over. “Logan, normally this goes by without a hitch, but today you're just…" he made a vague jester. "Not You. And it is interfering with the work…I gotta ask…whats wrong buddy?”

Roman and Logan had known each other since Logan started working as a model, they were actually rather good friends but held a professional relationship during work.

They totally got into a rap battle on a break though, so…

“I'm doing what I always do. I don't get what’s wrong.” Logan crossed his arms.

Roman put his hands on his hips. “It's like someone forgot to oil you, tin man! Everything seems…more robotic than usual…”

Logan suddenly had an understanding of what was wrong with his photos now. He had gotten used to posing for Virgil, relaxed and enjoying himself. He still knew how to pose for magazines, and whatever else they wanted his picture for, but he felt it was more a routine than fun.

He had been thinking about Virgil and trying to pose for the magazine, but those are two different things to him.

“I…think I realized the problem…”

Roman clapped.“great! Then let's fix it and get back to work.”

“It isn't that easy…” Logan let out a sigh. “My boyfriend..he is a photographer, its..different when he takes pictures of me…but he doesn't know I’m…well…me…” Logan gestured to himself as if making a point.

Roman looked offended.

“You got yourself a boyfriend and didn't tell me?” Of course, that is what Roman focuses on. Logan rolled his eyes.

“Yes, I do, now back to the problem at hand.”

“Solution, tell him who you are.”

“But I don't want him to know, that's the point!”

“And if he finds out on his own?”

Logan looked for an argument. Coming up with none. It was inevitable that Virgil will one day find out who Logan was. Logan wasn't too sure how Virgil would react if he found out on his own, telling him would be the best course of action.

Changing the subject, Logan asked, “so how would telling him to help me?”

Roman broke into a grin.“simple, I hire him to take your photo and if you are right, then you won't have a problem with the shoot.”

Which was how Logan found himself waiting for Virgil at the coffee shop. When Virgil sat down, he was wearing the sweater logan bought him. Logan nearly swooned on the spot.

Focus! Logan smiled at Virgil, tapping his coffee cup. “Virgil I..have a job offer for you.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “What kind of job? You've never offered me one before.”

Logan sipped his coffee, giving himself an excuse to gulp his nerves down.

“Well, it is…a photography job…would you be willing to take my photo for a magazine…professionally?”

The look on Virgil's face was proof enough that he didn't believe that, but planned to humor him.

Logan could work with humor.

“Yeah sure, pocket protector, when?”

Logan checked his phone. “We can leave now.”

Logan was a lot more relaxed, even if somehow Virgil still believed this was a joke or a prank. He goofed off behind the camera, made Logan laugh and smile, but Roman watched as the pictures were downloaded onto a computer as they were taken, and he was impressed.

The photos were finished and Virgil was told, to come in tomorrow for his paycheck. Logan led him out and Virgil stretched,

“If you wanted your picture taken, You can just ask you know.”

Logan couldn't help the smile he gave, “I know,”

Logan had been taking with roman when Virgil walked in, Patton following behind him.

Roman whistled. “Please tell me puffball there is single?”

Logan rolled his eyes and took the check from Roman, walking to Virgil. He held it out to him.

“Your payment.”

Virgil looked downright confused as he took the check and glanced at it. Then stared at it.

“Those zeros are on..the left side of the decimal point?”

“Yes, they are.”

“..and those zeros are also..on the right of the other number?”

“Correct again.”

“This is in dollars?”

Logan couldn't fight the smile, never could around Virgil.

“Yes, it is.”

“…holy shit, you really are a model…” Virgil looked at Logan.

Logan laughed. “It took a check for you to realize that?”

Virgil actually laughed back. “Oh, wow…everything makes sense now…hey, where did Patton go? He tagged along and now he’s gone…"Logan glanced around before looked at Virgil unamused,

"Your friend and my boss are making out in the corner.”

Virgil gave a nod of 'yeah, that's expected’ before holding hi the check grinning.

“So mister model….shall I treat thee to a meal at McDonald’s?”

Logan laughed and took his hand. Intertwining his fingers. He gave Virgil a quick kiss before nodding.

“You better.”

#youre famous au #model logan #photographer virgil #analogical #i love this dynamic #I might write more myself #submission

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killertoons · 6 years

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So if Goofy technically isn't a dog because Pluto is a dog...but hes not considered a human...is he a werewolf?

I mean in his wiki he’s considered an andromorphic dog but so is a werewolf?!

and now that I’m thinking about it, theres a lot of similarity's that make it a little to easy to spot!

Differences between werewolves and normal wolves

can walk upright like a human, as well as on all fours

body is built like a humans

can speak human tongue clearly

paws have more human shape, being able to point and gesture

when standing they reach up to 10 feet easily

their faces can change and have personality (wink, smile, ect)

howl

alright, this is the list I dug up on http://werecreature.wikia.com/wiki/Werewolf for reference...now lets compare Goofy to this!

Can he walk upright like a human?...

CHECK

also lets take into account that is a very humanoid body, so Check that as well!

Can he speak human tongue clearly?...well while he does have an accent of sorts, he can indeed speak and understand human tongue so CHECK!

Paws have a more human shape, can point and gesture?

Check! also hes a decent dancer, add a point for style.

When standing, does he easily reach 10 feet?

Now this ones tricky. While goofy is the tallest of the group of his friends...

I dont think hes ten feet tall...even by his Disney costume character standards, its unsure for the most part and his wiki doesn't give us any clues.

the only real way I think we can solve this is by getting mickeys canon cartoon height...which is also a secret. Apparently the height of Disney characters is as secret as the krabby patty formula and even I know how to make that dang burger!

However I’m determined but bad at math so lets figure this out.

Originally, the best human to mickey ratio was from Disney's fantasia with conductor Leopold Stokowski, we even got a glimpse of mickey with him!

However given mickey is one stair down, and I can’t do math to save my life we need a better solution.

then I realized the best reference...

Walt Disney himself!

Or at least his statue, famously seen outside of Disneyworld!

now Walt Disney stands at 5′10. given my fairly decent eyeballing skills and a comparing height website, that means mickey stands at 3′4...by my guess, someone might need to actually do the math

sadly since its late at night for me nd this was originally a small shitpost, we are just gonna chalk it up as hes taller then average not that tall. we will leave that alone for now. UNCHECK

Can his face change and have personality? CHECK

now the real question...can goofy howl?

What do you think his yell/laugh is?

but hey...maybe its just me.

bonus: so while digging goofy info up...I saw this.

I REST MY CASE, GOOFY IS A WEREWOLF.

I’ll just see myself out~

#I smell a shitpost #goofy #werewolf #shitpost #Disney #pluto #WELL IS HE?!#walt disney #disneyworld #disneyland #werewolves #the three musketeers #Donald duck #mickey mouse

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puclpodcast · 6 years

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S01E75 Pokemon Catch-Up: “Round One”

Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Catch-Up, a curated list of Pokemon episodes and their overviews. As we near the end of season 1, Ash joins the Pokemon League and due to the list’s rules, we get to watch every fight Ash participates in.

Will Ash win this one? Will it be a struggle or an easy fight? Let’s see!

Today’s Episode: Season 1 (Indigo League), Episode 75: “Round One”

Synopsis

Back at Pallette Town, Ash’s mom, Professor Oak, and some of their neighbors are watching press coverage of the Indigo League. They spot Ash on the TV.

At the Pokemon League, Ash checks into the tournament at a booth while Brock hits on the woman helping him out. He hands over his Pokedex, and the woman runs something on it. He asks her who he is battling first.

Brock stops him and explains that you use the battle fields outside of the Indigo Stadium to battle and win matches in all four quadrants surrounding the structure.

Brock apparently read the Trainer Book.

Ash randomly selected the water field as his first challenge. He gets paired with a guy named Mandi and he’ll be the third match.

Meanwhile, Team Rocket is interviewing random trainers as a disguised media crew.

They ask about what rare Pokemon they have, unfortunately for them, the trainer they’re interviewing has pretty ordinary ones. They walk around the field looking for more trainers when they stumble upon Mandi who is doing magic tricks.

Jessie approaches Mandi for an interview who asks them which network they’re with. Apparently they’re with “LCN”: The Lovely Charming Network. Mandi turns them down. He appears only on networks that have actual viewers.

Back with our heroes, Misty offers her water Pokemon to Ash to help him out in the water field. Ash is confident his Squirtle can handle it all. They’re walking down a street when they stumble upon Gary drinking some tea.

Gary is battling on the ice field first and wishes Ash best of luck. He tells Ash that he wants the pleasure of beating him himself. Gary runs off to his first match but not before calling Ash an embarrassment to Palette Town.

An announcement cuts of Ash’s reply, paging the hero to the nearest phone where he talks to Professor Oak. Oak suggests that Ash switches his Pokemon out. He informs Ash that Gary had already traded two of his Pokemon. Ash asks for his Kraby. As the Professor gets ready to send Ash his Pokemon, Ash’s mom comes into view and asks the boy about his eating habits.

The camera pans over to see a bunch of Ash’s neighbors cheering him on at Oak’s house. The professor transfers Krabby and the heroes depart the Pokemon center where Ash runs into Mandi, his opponent where Mandi refuses to shake Ash’s hand.

We cut to the group eating. Misty talks to Ash about his choice of Krabby for the match. It had never fought a battle, and Misty, again, offers her Pokemon. Brock backs her up. It turns out, the battle will be 3v3 and even with Krabby, Ash only has two water Pokemon. The TV is on, and Gary gets interviewed for his own win in the ice quadrant.

The camera cuts to Ash standing at the stadium, he’s up next to battle his own opponent. Both Mandi and Ash enter the field.

In a sudden turn of events, Team Rocket seizes the announcer’s microphone to tell Ash they’re supporting him in his battle against Mandi. As soon as they’re done, several Officer Jennys arrest them.

Brock goes on a tirade about how all the Officers are different. He mentions one Jenny that wears a shorter skirt, another one uses styling gel, and another wears a different perfume.

Phew, okay, match finally starts.

Mandi sends out an Exeggcutor while Ash sends out Krabby. Misty warns Ash that he’s making a big mistake by sending Krabby out. Brock points out that Ash has to battle his own way.

Exeggcutor sends out a Psywave at Krabby.

Ash instructs Krabby to dive into the water at the battle field. Exeggcutor responds by using a psychic attack which creates a whirpool around Krabby, trapping it. It then follows up with an Egg Bomb attack.

Ash calls back Krabby but can’t aim the Pokeball as Krabby whirls around in a circle, constantly bombarded.

Ash then prompts Krabby to use Vice Grip and latches onto the opponent. Exeggcutor tries to use Hypnosis but can’t.

Krabby uses Leer and then Stomp to knock the Pokemon out. Victory goes to Ash! And neither Misty nor Brock can believe it.

But wait, what’s that bright light? Is Krabby evolving? Will Ash press “B”?

Double whammy in this episode. Not only do we watch Ash in his first League match, but we also see Krabby’s first match and Krabby’s evolution to Kingler!

Ash decides to stick with Kingler for the rest of the match. Mandi sends out Seadra (one of my favorite Pokemon).

Seadra uses Agility and Kingler uses Water Gun but misses every attack. It uses Bubble and whilst it misses most of its attempts, it hits Seadra’s side fin which sends it flying into the air.

Kingler uses Crab Hammer attack to send Seadra back down into the water.

And Seadra is out! Mandi sends out his last Pokemon, a Golbat. The Pokemon flies out of the Pokeball and takes a dive at Kingler. Kingler is weak against air attacks and Misty prompts Ash to exchange his Pokemon but he won’t. He sends Kingler under water again. The Golbat circles above the battle field. Kingler uses Vice Grip to catch Golbat right above the water but Golbat easily escapes.

Golbat uses Razor wind and lands a successful hit which sends Kingler flying back across the battle field. Following with a Mega Drain, Golbat gets just within range for Kingler to use Hyper Beam and knock the flying Pokemon out.

Ash won the battle! 1v3! He runs over to Kingler to give him a big hug and back home, Ash’s mom gets all teary eyed. Even Team Rocket is astounded.

While Brock talks about dignity and restraint of being a winner, Ash celebrates very loudly in front of the TV cameras.

He says hi to his mom over TV and to all everyone in his home town. And that’s it!

Trivia

The Announcer described Mandi as a “League Favorite”, suggesting that he’s entered the Pokemon League more than once

This is the first time Ash won a multi-Pokemon battle with a single Pokemon and without switching

Team Rocket’s “Lovely Charming Network” was a reference to their Japanese intro where they describe themselves as “the lovely charming villains”.

Team Rocket does not recite its motto nor does it blast off in this episode

from S01E75 Pokemon Catch-Up: “Round One”

#pokemon #pucl #pokemon podcast #ORAS #nintendo #video games

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magnumbill · 7 years

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Maggy’s 2008 SpongeBob Reviews - A Chronicle of Teenage Anger and Cringe

Alright, time for me to open the archives and show you guys some dumbassery from my younger days. As many people know, I’m a contributor on the Annotation Station and one of the things we like to talk about and make fun of are cartoon reviewers who get extremely upset and personally offended by every little thing they review. They also like to take on shows like Spongebob and Family Guy and chronicle their declines in a very whiny and fanboyish manner. The hilarious thing is: I used to be one of these people.

Between February and July of 2008, I wrote a long series of then-modern SpongeBob reviews for a Facebook group I created to talk about how awesome old SB was and how shit it was at that point. The group was made in December 2007 after some high school friends and I talked about the decline of the show at our lunch table. I wrote these reviews in a series of message board posts back when Facebook actually had message boards. People seemed to really enjoy them, so I kept writing them. I also spent a lot of time on the SpongeBob TV.com forums and I even posted at least one of the reviews to the site. However, my obsession eventually got to the point where my dad intervened and told me I shouldn’t be obsessing over a show meant for 8-year-olds (and considering I’m now an annotator, I haven’t exactly learned that lesson), thus stopping the reviews. After walking away from SB reviews, I kinda came to the conclusion that it wasn’t gonna get better and that I should just walk away. Years later, I did watch MoBros and Mr. Enter respectively just to see how deep the rabbit hole went, but I eventually grew out of those as well. Today, I don’t really give a shit. I still think the show began to suck after a while, but I rarely think about it anymore and I’m not interested in rewatching them to see if I was wrong. All I really need is my childhood nostalgia for the first three seasons and Spingebill poops. I’ve heard the new episodes are actually pretty good now, so that’s a plus.

So just to for you to laugh at my 16-year-old self’s stupidity and to get a glimpse of people bitching about SpongeBob’s decline before it became a popular subject on YouTube, here are the reviews I wrote for that Facebook group all those years ago.

I should point out that many of the opinions I express in these reviews I no longer stand by. I was a dumb teenager attending an all-boys Catholic high school mostly populated by jocks, so there’s a lot of me praising low-brow humor, saying some really ignorant shit about homosexuals, and bashing science for some reason. I’ve changed a lot in the 9 years since these were first written and the internet was a different kind of place in 2008 (pretty much every mainstream internet reviewer was throwing gay jokes left and right), so please keep that in mind. I also wasn’t allowed to say certain curse words on Facebook thanks to my folks, so expect some pseudo-swears and asterisks.

So without further ado, here are the reviews.

Ok, I'm going to try to review all of the episodes from season 4 to season 5. Ok, here i go.

Fear of a Krabby Patty- This episode is ok. The plotline was recycled from The Graveyard Shift, except it lasts 43 days instead of one night. Plankton's plan seemed like a gamble and overcomplicated, while other episodes follow the process of him just grabbing a patty and running off. Oh, and you never question where someone got a piano. They just found one, end of story.

Shell of a Man- Again, ok, but not great. It wouldn't kill them to use the word "masculine" instead of "manly". Spongebob's Krabs impression about Pearl needing an operation was awesome, though.

Lost Matress- This episode seemed repetitive. Does it seriously take someone that long to kick Krabs out of the hospital for lack of insurance. Also, Squid's third plan was utter crap, he just wanted to see SB and Patrick get killed. Normally, I'd see this as totally appropriate for his character, except he's at the risk of going to jail. Also, they had no right to censor the word "murder." It was already said in Nasty Patty. Even today, Nick doesn't censor that.

Krabs vs. Plankton- First of all, Spongebob isn't licensed to be a lawyer. Second, Plankton didn;t have a lawyer. Third, Plankton's been trying to steal that damn formula for 28 years and SB JUST FIGURES OUT NEAR THE END that he needs to use that fact against him.

Skill Crane- Again, usual S4 errors like lack of humor, repetitiveness, etc. It was ok, but the biggest problem is the unnecessary censorship. Cartoon characters over the years are seen playing slot machines, so if they used the skill crane as a gambling censorship, then that's bupkiss. One could argue that the crane takes more strategy than a slot machine, so my point may be null and void, you decide. Also, in Squilliam Returns, Squilliam has a balloon/casino.

Good Neighbors- Oh my god, where do I begin? How about how TOTALLY GENERIC THE PLOT LINE IS!? All that happens is that Squidward is slowly driven to insanity, and no matter what he does, those two dumbasses won't get off his case. Usually, SB and Patrick annoying Squidward leads to the main story, but here it IS the main story! The Good Neighbors Club thing is stolen from Club Spongebob, as well as reuse of jokes from past episodes, mainly using a joke from Squidward, the Unfriendly Ghost as a running gag. (No, the other thing) Also, Squidward did not deserve to be punished at all, and even if he did, he wouldn't get community service for the rest of his life, he'd get it until the town was repaired. What Squid should've done was do what he did in Opposite Day and try to run over and kill those two mothertruckers. Also, a kid told me this was his FAVORITE EPISODE! See what this episode is doing to people!?

[For context, I took a camp counseling job at my old elementary school a year prior and heard the opinion from one of the kids. Looking back, I think he and several others were trolling me.]

Selling Out- This episode was extremely bland and it's only purpose is to show kids what really is in fast food. Also, we already know Krabs loves money, so you don't need to sing a song about it.

Funny Pants- This episode is basically Fools in April without the holiday theme. Seriously, Spongebob must be pretty damn stupid to laugh at a mild sarcastic joke for 2 days straight. Also, just because ONE episode has Sandy going on a scientific expedition to the moon, the creators decide to dump her original character and make her a 24/7 scientist. This trend will carry on for the remainder of the series, I kid you not.

MM&BB VI- Worst MMBB episode ever. Any idiot can tell Patrick did not have the lens cap on the whole time. Also, how did they get away with stuffing a boom mike in MM's mouth? Ren and Stimpy tried that same joke and got in trouble for it! Oh well, at least they added one adult joke in there.

Enemy-In-Law - Let us take a minute to explain how regular attraction works. A man is supposed to fall in love with a female of his age group. Plankton's probably about 30, and Mama Krabs is about 60-70. Who does he think he is, Anna Nicole Smith? Also, Plankton's robot dating Mama Krabs, that's just not normal.

Patrick Smartpants- It's ok, but again, it lacks humor. Also, Spongebob clearly pointed out the wrong area where Patrick's head was. It was close to the cliff, but Spongebob says it's about 30 feet away from the cliff, and Patrick says it's 50 meters farther away from that and it ends up being there! Brain coral is real, but it's shaped like a brain, not a standard coral. Learned that from Hoch's class.

SquidBob TentaclePants- This plot has been done before, and the only thing that makes this different from any generic teleportation plot (which I'm basing of that episode of Dexter's Lab) is the clarinet recital thing.

Have You Seen This Snail?- This episode actually had it's good moments. It's one of those few moments in season 4 where Patrick is funny. However, those scenes with Gary and Grandma didn't add to the episode are were just there to kill the required 22 minutes needed to make the special. "Earlier today at the craft store, I SAW...THESE HUGE BAGS OF BALSA WOOD! THEY WERE AWESOME!"

Dunces and Dragons- A lot of people hate this episode, but I think it's tolerable. It could've been better, like have the dragon be defeated in a different way. This episode does show how the Krabby Patty was made, and it fits the story told in Enemy-In-Law where Krabs said it was old family recipe. Again, same problem, lack of humor, but at least it isn't as repetitive.

Krusty Towers- This episode was actually pretty good. It was funny, it had a certain charm to it, and in some ways, it felt like a real Spongebob episode. I have no real complaints about this episode. If you play it in reverse, I hear Squidward yells "EAT SHIT!" They need to put that in a real episode with shit being censored by a sound effect. Instant classic.

Mrs. Puff, You're Fired- It was ok, the humor has improved a little bit. However, it follows the same formula as all of the other episodes (except Krusty Towers) where the climax doesn't really happen until near the end.

Ghost Host- If you remember in Shanghied, Patrick destroyed the Dutchman's ship many times, and it instantally got repaired, but here, he has to call roadside assistance. I thought the Power Within video was pretty cool, because it shows that if Spongebob was an animated series on land, it could be visually be as good as anime. Also, Squid has seen the Dutchman, like, 5 times already, so he has no right to be pulling this "don't believe in ghosts" crap. chimps ahoy- I think the reason they changed Sandy's character was to come up with more plotlines to add to the number of genres an episode can have. This episode was ok, though it's basically Texass with monkeys. It just seems like a normal S4 episode with attempts at humor and an ok storyline. Episode Ripoffs: Texas- the whole episode basically. Hell, they even have sandy singing. Suds- Patrick impersonating a doctor/professor was taken from when patrick impersonated a doctor. Whale of a Birthday- This episode was clearly made for little girls who think they're the shit. it does have good moments, like squidward trying to sing that song but failing (it's really funny in fast-motion). other than that, it's average. Episode RO's- Squeaky Boots- Krabs ruining Pearl's parties with his cheapness. It actually ties well with this episode where Krabs got her $2 boots...THAT SQUEAKED! The Chaperone- A bunch of fish from that episode come back in this episode. By the way, Billy Fishkin is not the blue fish with black hair, he's the fish with the brown afro. But like anyone's gonna notice/care. Karate Island- Not deserving of being the #1 episode or even getting its own DVD. This episode is all cheap action, but no humor whatsoever. The three bosses Sandy faces aren't even using real karate moves. Also, this episode shows footage of 2 trains colliding at one point. If you remember in the episode "Procrastination", there was a scene where a live-action drag car wiped out, but the scene got cut out. I think a train collision is more severe than a drag car crash. C'mon, Nick, make up your mind! Do you want live-action vehicle destruction or not? All That Glitters- This episode was stupid because the spatula was being treated as if it were a human being. Also, the frickin thing even comes to life near the end! Yes, I am aware that in Born Again Krabs, the bad patty came to life, but that was meant to be a joke, this episode they just give the spatula a life for no reason. I did like the scene where Spongebob killed the pirate, that was epic. Wishing You Well- This episode is actually pretty good. It's got some decent humor, not as strong as the old ones, but still enough to keep you interested. I actually liked the 2 songs Spongebob sung, the lyrics are OK, but the rhythm and instrumentals were top-notch. New Leaf- This episode is simply a showcase on how far Plankton is willing to go to get the formula. The episode is void of humor though, and it just seems to run on and on and on. There is one memorable quote though, and that is, of couse, "GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!" -Plankton. Episode RO's- F.U.N- It's basically that episode except with Krabs being the victim. Once Bitten- It's clear that they put a little more work into this episode. I like the Mad Snail Disease thing, because it rips off a fictional disease in our real world. However, it seems too repetitive. They say something about MSD, scream bloody murder, and run. Patrick is also WAY too smart in this episode. He actually sounds professional when he explains MSD, which is completely out of his character. I mean, he explained the entire history of Wumbo one time, but he doesn't sound nearly as proffessional as he does here. Everyone knows that the doctor fish isn't orange. Gary actually suffered from a disease called "GrouchySnailitus." What...the...f*ck? Episode RO's- I Was a Teenage Gary - Gary suffers from some ailment. Wormy- Mass hysteria. Squidtastic Voyage- Great, now they're ripping off Jimmy Neutron. One thing, Squidward swallowed the clarinet's mouthpiece, not the reed. I really don't have much to say about this one. RO's- Sandy's Rocket- whole episode. Bummer Vacation- This episode really isn't half bad. Patrick seems a little TOO dumb at times, but Patrick doesn't play a huge part in this episode. Also, Spongebob not knowing what a vacation is rather sad. Spongebob successfully backed a truck up in this episode. Spongebob can't even back a regular boat up, let alone a truck. Overall, not too bad. Definitely not a channel changer. Best Day Ever- This episode looks like it stole a plot from a children's picture book and added Spongebob themes. It only lasts 15 minutes and it sucks. Basically, it's Spongebob running around doing good deeds at the cost of the activities he wants to do. I actually liked the Best Day Ever song at first, but it gets old after the 11th time. Speaking of which, they only use the first verse and the chorus of the song. They add a custom verse near the end, but it's not from the official song. The only part that seemed Spongebob-esque was when Spongebob was trying to break into Squid's recital. That was good while it lasted. But here's what else is wrong with episode: -Nematodes are valley girls. What happened to the awesome nematodes that bounced around saying the same word(s) ad infinitum? -Sponge being on Squid's VIP list. I doubt Squid would want Sponge 3 feet from his recital, no matter if Sponge saved Squid's ass or not. -Squid succeeding at his recital. That's never supposed to happen. Don't watch the Best Day Ever, you'll hate it. Episode RO's- Jellyfishing- the original Best Day Ever episode. SquidBob TentaclePants- clarinet recital Squidtastic Voyage- Squid suffers from an incident involving a clarinet reed, except this time, it really is a reed, not a mouthpiece. Wigstruck- I thought it was ok. It got way too repetitive, though. Sponge looks like a dork, I get it. Episode RO's- One Krab's Trash- Sponge finds a piece of headwear and becomes attached to it. That's No Lady- This episode is ok, but it really doesn't make sense. Patrick, in his Patricia disguise, behaves and speaks like he would normally. How everyone was able to think that he was girl is beyond me. What makes even less sense is that not only do they buy this pitiful excuse for a disguise, but they aroused by it. I don't think this is the kind of fat bottom girls Queen was singing about. But then again, the singer WAS gay. The Thing- Not sure about this one. The beginning kinda sucked, but it got better overtime. The music that was playing when Sponge and Pat tried to break Smelly out was AWESOME. This episode is average at best. Hocus Pocus- First of all, I think they can come with a better name than Hocus Pocus. I think episode could have been better. The Wizard of Oz ripoff is so obvious, it's not even funny, and that's what Spongebob is supposed to be. Episode RO's- Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost- Spongebob thinks he killed Squidward...or melted him. I guess melting can be considered death to an ice cream cone. The Thing- Squid gets turned into something or is thought to have been turned into something. What's ironic about this is that these two episodes air with each other.

[After these reviews, someone commented “You’re my hero.”]

I'm back to review more episodes. Also, I'd like to thank [NAME WITHHELD] for his statement, because it's people like him that make me come back and support this cause.

Driven to Tears- I personally thought this episode was too repetitive. It's basically 8 minutes of Patrick bragging about his accomplishment and then the other 3 minutes shows them getting in a wreck, and Sponge having to do the right thing. Not terrible, but not that good. Episode RO's- Help Wanted- Patrick pumps Sponge up for his test the same way he pumped him up in the first episode. The Smoking Peanut- Sponge turning himself in to save Patrick's ass. Rule of Dumb- Typical episode where a character gains authoritah and then abuses it. Nothing too special. That's all I can really say, except that there's no way Patrick and Gary can be biological cousins. The Pink Purloiner- To tell you the truth, I've only seen the last part of this episode. I just gotta say this, why do the jellyfish have rooster combs? Couldn't they just be multicolored or something? Some people may be confused why Ol Reliable looks totally different in this episode. This problem is explained in the godawful Best Day Ever episode. In that episode, Sponge had a net that looked just like "Ol Reliable 2.0", but he also had another net that looked like a standard net, presumably the original Ol Reliable. I think Sponge just got rid of the original one and replaced it with Ol 2.0. I also heard that Patrick grows a third arm in this episode. Last time I checked, starfish can only grow arms to replace any arms that have been cut off, not grow as many as they want at will. If they did, starfish would have, like, 100 arms or something. Episode RO's- Nature Pants- Two words: Ol Reliable The Gift of Gum- This episode was OK, I guess. I just wish they didn't put old, rotten pizza slices on Gummy. That's just taking it too far. I think the Best Friends Day was generic, but appropriate. After all, every day is a holiday for Spongebob, even if he has to make one up. LEIF ERICSON DAY! Now, on to the 5th season: Rise and Shine- Never seen it, moving on. Waiting- This short was bupkiss. Sponge was malevolent to all of his friends just because he wanted a g*ddamn toy to show up. Then Patrick does something to the toy, Sponge thinks he broke it, their friendship's in jeopardy, and it's up to Squid to tell them that the toy was supposed to do what it did, and that Pat didn't break it. CRAP. Episode RO's- Big Pink Loser- I bet the "breaking of the toy" was "inspired" by that scene in Pig Pink Loser when Patrick opened the jar and he thought he broke it. The only difference was that BPL's scene was funny. Sing a Song of Patrick- I'll be honest, this episode is actually pretty good. Patrick's song was retardedly amusing. My only complaint is that you can't stick a turntable on top of a radio antenna and broadcast the song on terrestrial radio. It doesn't work like that. Born to be Wild- Yes, they seriously called it Born to be Wild. Well, the Wild/Mild Ones thing was a good plot twist, and it does show that clothes don't make the man, not to mention SOME good jokes (like Krabs saying that they could beat Sponge and Pat in the parking lot, not as funny as other jokes, but OK). Also, Squid reveals that he wants to be a biker. While out of his character, it does show that Squid has balls after all. But still, it's average. Best Frenemies- The first part of the episode seemed kinda pointless, because the Kelp Shake vendors don't seem to know/care who Krabs and Plankton are, so they really could've just bought one. I think the theft plots were mostly Plankton's ideas. Krabs actually suffers spending a dollar in this episode. A little TOO cheap, are we? Plankton's analyzer is completely inferior to the one he had in the original Plankton episode. A little TOO scientific, are we? Friend or Foe- The episode really isn't any different from the other 100 villian-origin cartoons. I do have to give them some credit on this, they were able to answer many questions about Krabs and Plankton, like how Krabs discovered to joys of cash and got his first dollar (which we've seen in Wet Painters), and how hard Plankton really had it. I also liked when Stinky first seems to be this poor-but-kind store owner, but then he turns out be a rich bitch. However, this episode makes it seem like the creation of the Krabby Patty was done by Plankton and Krabs plagarized the idea. Also, this episode contains one of the cheeziest lines in SB history: "This is the greatest sensation my still-developing taste buds have ever experienced!" or something like that. Episode RO's- F.U.N- At the end of the episode, Plankton lulls Krabs into a false sense of security and grabs the formula, just like he did to Spongebob in F.U.N. Spy Buddies- Well, it's an ok episode. The battle between Krabs and Plankton was pretty exciting. This episode does have crazy moments, like Patrick getting his crotch blown off by a bomb, and Sponge sticking a quarter up Patrick's...OK that wasn't really funny. The whole disguise thing should have explained more, it seems cheap that Krabs said the change was from events far too elaborate to go into, but I guess it's because they were near 11 minutes at this point. The multiple-disguise thing was pretty entertaining. I say give this one a chance, you may like it, you may not. Episode RO's- The Algae's Always Greener- Krabs and Plankton switch lives. I Had an Accident- the occurence of two Patricks. Boat Smarts- Basically, it's the Krusty Krab Training Video with boats. Well, to be honest, it wasn't too bad. I liked it when they took footage of a crash dummy test and stuck Squid's head the dummy, no matter how cheap it looked. If you like random boat crashes, you'll get a kick out of it. Good Ol' Whatshisname- It's ok, but it's got problems. First of all, who gets 10 years for stealing a guy's wallet and running a stop sign? That's a little much for two minor offenses. Second, what kind of name is Mr. Whatsit Tooya? This name is stupid, and the writers knew that, because Squid says "What kind of ridiculous name is that?" Not even Moe from the Simpsons would find that name convincing. Finally, why is Patrick in jail, and why is he allowed to have a parchesi board in his cell? Episode RO's- SB Meets the Strangler- Patrick, to the dismay of a certain character, becomes that character's cell mate. However, this episode gives no explanation about why he's in there. The Krusty Sponge- Krabs's got a brand new marketing strategy...and it sucks. It seemed like most of the time, it was Krabs telling Squid about his cosmetic change. Also, how can patties become yellow from being rotten? They're usually darker colors, like green and brown. Did those patties have cheese on them or something? Episode RO's- Bossy Boots- cosmetic change to KK as well as a name change. Born Again Krabs- Krabs tries to sell people rotten patties. Squidwood- I haven't seen the whole thing before, but it doesn't seem to make sense why everyone loves Mini-Squid for doing everything Squid does. That's just cruel. Also, Mini-Squid talked BY HIMSELF at one point. However, I'm not gonna take points off for that because that's what happened to Bubble Buddy at the end of his episode. Episode RO's- The Paper- Mini-Squid is based off Lil' Squid from The Paper. New Digs- This episode was decent. It had some pretty OK moments. I have only two complaints. One, did anyone notice that on the day Sponge is late, it goes from morning to night in 2 minutes? If that was gonna happen, why did Sponge even bother going to work? Come to think of it, he'd go even it the day only lasted 2 minutes. Two, why are Sponge's parents moving into the KK? Is Sponge trying to find a retirement home for them? Who knows. Krabs a la Mode- This episode is pretty good if you like epic Plankton fights. There really isn't much humor in this episode. Just two complaints- One, Plankton got into the KK when it was closed. Plankton just threw the perfect time to steal the formula down the crapper. Two, how can freezing Plankton cause Krabs to automatically win? Krabs was still on the floor when he froze Plankton, so he would've gotten frozen too, and nobody would win. I guess the only thing you can do is use your imaginaaaaaaation. To Love a Patty- The writers haven't learned their lesson from Enemy-In-Law about normal attraction. Let's face it, we've all been waiting for Sponge to get a girl, whether it be a female sponge or a certain underwater squirrel, people have been waiting for this moment. Well, it's finally come...and Sponge falls for a krabby patty. Do you know ANYONE who's had a sexual relationship with a burger who wasn't on drugs? Another thing is that the song isn't as good as it should be. This would've been a good song if Sponge didn't switch between talking and singing every 15 seconds. Also, why do we need to see a close-up of the now-ugly patty every minute? We don't want to look at an unnessesarily-detailed nasty patty all the time. I'd like to not upchuck my food, thank you. Finally, Patrick says that he would get a patty girlfriend to show up Spongebob. This NEVER happens. What they did was drop a subplot. Now for the positives. Yes, there are positives. This episode perfectly describes a long-lasting marriage. It's strong at first, but then it gets ugly. (Note: This is not an insult to htiched people. I'm only going by a stereotype) And...that's it. Breath of Fresh Squidward- Yay, Sponge and Pat find a new excuse to stalk Squid! Why are they doing this? Sponge and Pat finding excuses to break into Squid's house and stalk him is precisely why Good Neighbors sucked extremely hard. Luckily, it only lasts a few minutes, as Squid gets shocked by the electric fense and becomes super-happy. How can an electric fense change someone's personality? But then again, this is new Spongebob, and nothing makes sense in new Spongebob. So, Squid is super-happy, Sponge isn't. It starts to take the same path as Driven to Tears, where Sponge gets slowly pissed at Squid's accomplishments, and then he finally loses it. He begins to yell at the innocent squid and kicks him out of Patrick's party for pogo-dancing with Patrick. GAY. Finally, Squid gets shocked again and returns to the pissed-off, sarcastic squid we know and love. But then Sponge and Pat get shocked and turn into Squid clones. Basically, this is Good Neighbors and Driven to Tears's lovechild. It's really not that good, but hey, you make the call.

Gotta go for now. BTW I plan to make a new, bigass review for Good Neighbors because it's just that bad. [This never happened.]

Roller Cowards- This episode is actually good. It has good humor, like Patrick punching his own reflection, Larry trying to get people to smell his adrenaline. The plotline is good because we can all relate to it, right? Give it a go. Not necessarily a ripoff, but the episode takes place in Glove World, the theme park from Rock Bottom. Bucket Sweet Bucket- They clearly tried to ripoff Wet Painters here. The episode had its moments, like Plankton trying to steal the formula with Sponge and Patrick either helping or hindering his progress. Sponge and Pat seem to not know what they're doing when they're trying to paint the chum bucket. They were painting themselves instead of the Bucket. Kinda weird, because they knew what they were doing in Wet Painters. Also, Sponge and Pat seriously act like they're meeting Plankton for the first time in this episode. They act like they're doing one of those charitable acts that you normally do for strangers. Plus, this is PLANKTON we're talking about. After all the turmoil he's caused, I wouldn't help him at all. The Original Fry Cook- This episode was kinda boring. Nothing really happened. All you get is some background info about the KK and some of the characters. Squid used to have hair, Krabs tried to enter the 90's with new rags and fly lingo, and Jim was the shit. There is one good moment, and that's the frozen krabby patty scene. That was true Spongebob. Night Light- The first problem is the person that needs the night light: Spongebob. This is more proof that the writers think that when his character calls for being a kid at heart, they take it literally and make him a flat-out kid. Seriously, have you ever met anyone shameless enough to still be sleeping with a night light? Sure, you get creeped out at first, but then you get used to it. Spongebob thinking that darkness is an entity that captures people only adds to the destruction of Spongebob's adult nature. The surprise appearance by MM&BB was good, but when Spongebob talks to MM, he speaks in a tone like he's talking to a little kid, increasing his tone as the sentence nears it's end and calling MM "silly". Sponge, MM may have Alzheimer's and generally stupidity, but he's sure as hell no baby. Also, at the beginning of the episode, Spongebob has a lazy eye. NO HE DOESN'T!!! Bad plot, ok episode. Episode RO's- Krab Borg- Sponge reads/sees something that scares the hell out of him, which causes him to overreact. MM&BBII- MM tells Sponge not to a shine a huge light in the sky unless it's an emergency. Kinda similar to what Sponge was told about the Conch Signal in MM&BBII. Money Talks- Average. Good plot, good progression, it's ok. The ending is a true mystery though. I mean, I think I get why Spongebob had Krabs's soul, because he was short on payday, so Krabs gave him his soul to compensate. But where did the other spirits come from? Why do they hold a claim on Krabs's soul? Who are they? Somebody please tell me!!! Episode RO's- Born Again Krabs- Krabs does something with the Flying Dutchman that involves Krabs risking his soul. Sponge vs. The Patty Gadget- This episode is pretty good. The fight got exciting near the end, and the rhyming was executed in a good fashion, except one of Squid's verses uses too many syllables. There is really only one thing wrong here. Why give a machine a funeral?

Slimy Dancing- Well, this episode was ok. I liked Squid's methods of getting into the competition. It was kinda weird that Spongebob was completely hollow in this episode, but that really doesn't matter because continuity doesn't matter in Spongebob. The cramp dance is kind of weird to be a dance, but the epilogue makes a halfway decent joke out of it. Also, if the dance competition only allowed single dancers, how did Sponge and Pat get into the competition? In the qualifying round, Sponge and Pat danced as a double act, so they shouldn't have qualified. One of the cheating competitors cheated by having a muscle fish in his pants. That was kinda weird, but funny if you can laugh at sick jokes. So that guy can't dance unless *insert sick gay joke here*. Anyone else notice Krabs appeared in the epilogue? It seems the writers absolutely have to put him in every episode if possible. A Flea in Her Dome- This episode was below average. To tell you the truth, not much happened. It was just three guys against an army of fleas, and most of the time, Sponge, Pat, and Sandy are fighting with each other. Patrick was the cause of most of the fights, but not for being hilariously stupid, no, by being a huge bitch. I do like how the fleas look. They look pretty realistic. So really, not much happens, not much humor to compensate for it. Episode RO's- Wormy- both episodes involve main characters fighting insects. The Donut of Shame- This one was kinda dull. Patrick's hiding places for the donut weren't funny, Spongebob eating the donut that had been in Patrick's ass wasn't funny, the angel donut agreeing with the devil donut wasn't that funny. What was funny? Sponge and Patrick getting high at the party. That was funny. The Krusty Plate- This episode had a good ending, the rest was meh. I liked when Spongebob went completely with his sanitizing, 007-style lasah. At least half this episode is worth watching. Episode RO's- Dying for Pie- the nuclear bomb footage is used in this episode. Picture Day- Why Sponge has to get his picture taken before he gets his license is beyond me. The episode was repetitive and had a terrible ending. Why? Because Sponge was crying because he was covered in Patrick's taco, and when he got cleaned up, when he was clean as a whistle, he was STILL CRYING. Dammit, Sponge, you got what you wanted, WHAT MORE DO YA WANT!? Pat No Pay- This episode is basically a shortened version of Big Pink Loser. What happens is that Pat can't pay for his krabby patty feast, so he has to work of the money, and he screws up all of his jobs. It's not that good and it's extremely predictable. Blackjack- This episode is a perfect example of how a terrible ending can ruin an episode. This episode is meant to be suspenseful and have a creepy atmosphere. In this episode, Spongebob's cousin Blackjack, a totally ripped sea sponge who used to beat the shit of Sponge during his youth, has been released from prison is threatening to take out his parents. Sponge must scan Bikini Bottom, find Blackjack, defeat him in a final showdown, and rescue his parents. Sounds thrilling, right? Seeing Sponge search down his childhood foe and beat him in an all-out brawl sounds epic, right? Well, if your looking for a funny episode, this one will leave you disappointed. They try to crack a few jokes at one point, but it ends up being a failure, because having Sponge's uncle make Sponge do stuff just because he can't hear what Sponge is saying really isn't that funny. Well, Sponge finally reaches Blackjack's shack, where his parents are being held. Turns out Sponge's parents are just celebrating Blackjack's release. But that doesn't stop the battle between Sponge and Blackjack from happening. Blackjack finally shows up, challenging Sponge to a fight. Sponge gathers his courage and prepares for the fight of his life. This is what you were waiting for, right? The epic battle that everyone in the episode had been making a big deal about is about to take place, and you're eager to see who will come out the victor. Well, guess what? The epic fight turns out to be COMPLETE, UTTER BULL SHIT!!! Blackjack, as he's about to attack Sponge, turns out to be AS BIG AS PLANKTON. Not only that, they all act like Blackjack has always been small. So Blackjack isn't a huge hulking sea sponge like Sponge said he was? Sponge was tortured by THIS GUY as a child? Ladies and gentleman, this episode marks that Spongebob has officially lost his balls. Trying to find answers to this oddity, I searched Google and found that sea sponges can only shrink if they're boiled in water. Wow, that jail must have had some pretty hot showers... Or they just f*cked up.

Well, yesterday, I saw some episodes from the new 6th season. Personally, I thought most of them were below average. But I watchd them so you don't have to. The first one I saw-

HOUSE FANCY- Well, it's been about seven years since we've seen Squilliam Fancyson, and in this episode, he finally returns. The first part was kinda boring because we already know how rich this guy is. I did get a kick out of the running joke about golden doorknobs. The joke about Spongebob eavesdropping on Squid for days wasn't that funny. It just makes him look like a legitimate homosexual. There was one funny part I though was both entertaining and strange. Patrick comes over to Squid's house to use his toilet. He then tells Squid in a subtle matter that he took a huge dump. The toilet then comes to life and wants to be put out of its misery. Well, it looks like the new writers have learned something from their past mistakes, and are only giving inanimate objects mortality for comedic reasons. The ending was interesting, as Squid's house, in its shattered remains, resembles that of the cave men, apparently. However, Squid shouldn't have won the award for fanciest house. It may date back to early ancestral house styles, but Squilliam's house is beyond fancy. Golden doorknobs, bitch. OK, not great, but some good jokes help it out. Episode RO's- Snowball Effect- Patrick trying to use Squid's toilet. SUN BLEACHED- This episode sucked. Of all things to celebrate summer vacation, this is the worst form of celebration. It begins with this really tan seal, who's tan is so good, he is worshipped by everyone. Why? Because the people of Bikini Bottom are stupid. He decides to throw a party exclusive to tan people. Is that supposed to be a reference to dress codes at parties or is it referencing a certain issue about skin pigment that I'm not gonna bring up? So Sponge and Pat think, "we gotta get tan so we can get into the party." So they turn Patrick's rock into a tanning bed. Patrick gets in first and comes out all tan and wrinkled. He then says he looks like one of those old people from soda commercials. It then cuts to an old guy advertising soda. Ok, name me one brand of soda that remotely uses old people to advertise their product. This joke makes no sense. If they want to use a joke like that, they've got to refer to something that actually exists. This is also a ripoff of Family Guy, who uses jokes like that all the time. The only difference is that Family Guy knows exactly where it's going with it's "manatee" jokes (that term's from South Park), whereas here they just go down a path of utter stupidity. A bunch of girls go up to Patrick and start worshipping him. At first, I didn't get this because Patrick was wrinkled and looked like he was 50, but then I thought if Hugh Hefner can get chicks with his aging appearance, so can Patrick. Sponge gets stuck in the bed for 2 hours and looks like how he does whenever he's exposed to air: cracked up, wrinkly, and talking like an old guy. Squid then enters the episode and laughs at Sponge for being sun bleached. No witty sarcasm, no smart remarks, he just laughs at him. I was like, "Am I supposed to laugh at that?" Patrick tries numerous times to make Sponge tan, and he eventually does. Party time! Before they get in, the seal actually takes a baby, throws him at a dumpster, and he lands into a wastebasket. Look, just because it works for South Park doesn't mean it'll work for everything. I mean, babies are delicate. He could've died from that. PRO-BABY TORTURE!? ON A KID'S SHOW!? WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO!? The ending is dull. Sponge is praised for being sun bleached I guess because he laid in the t-bed for 2 hours, they crank up the heat, everyone dies, the end. GIANT SQUIDWARD- I bet they came up with this episode after one of the writers was done playing New Super Mario Bros. and thought, "What if we make one of the characters extremely huge and chaos ensues?" Well, that's what happened. Well, Squid becomes giant from some sort of growth formula that was sprayed on him by his two idiot neighbors. Sponge, seeing Squid's massive size, says that Squid could play a game with them where Squid tries to tag Sponge and Pat while they're screaming bloody murder. Two words: unnecessary censorship. We all know Squid is going to use his newfound size to try to kill Sponge and Pat. Yeah, I know that's not nice, but they could have just said nothing. They could've just had Squid chasing them and leave it at that, no need for explanation. This also makes it seem like Sponge and Pat are unable to sense danger. Everything's a game to them. I bet if The Camping Episode was written by the new writers, Sponge and Pat would be trying to ride both the sea-bear and the sea-rhino rather that try to defend themselves from them. In other words, Sponge and Pat are out of character by being too damn stupid. An angry mob ensues because Squid tells Sponge and Pat to be quiet. They then tie Squidward down and try to burn him. Welcome to Bikini Bottom, home of the wussiest, most immature people...IN THE WORLD. Part of that angry mob is the medieval fish from Dunces & Dragons. Ok, either Bikini Bottom has an Amish community or they have found a way to travel through time. Neither is likely. A kid then says that the monstrous Squid may be nice. Look, I know the kid got the idea from a picture book, but this is SQUID we're talking about. Squid wants Sponge and Pat, two idiots who refuse to cooperate and think that danger doesn't exist, to somehow shrink him. He, of course, is not gonna play good cop in this situation, he's gonna play bad cop. Squid, being shunned by so many people, hating his life, and being the second biggest prick in Bikini Bottom (first is Patrick), is gonna show no mercy, so what would possess them to think that he MAY be nice? The Bikini Bottomites then ask Squid to do various odd jobs. *cough*SpongeWhoCouldFlyRipoff*cough* But the angry mob is reformed and tries, again, to get Squidward. Why? Well, a guy sneezes, everyone but Squidward blesses him. WHAT!? YOU CAN'T START AN ANGRY MOB FOR A PETTY, LITTLE REASON LIKE THAT!!! Squid, being so huge, probably couldn't hear the sneeze, you ever thought of that? Sponge and Pat have a sleepover in Squid's belly-button. Um...how gay are these people? Sponge and Pat decide to get Squid out of his blue ruin by making him a giant clarinet. Squid plays the clarinet, and it turns out to be the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. But then he shrinks, and cannot play it. They don't explain how Squid returned to normal size, but I think it was because the growth formula wore off.

Ok, I'm gonna skip a few episodes because they are ones in particular that I want to review. Also, I take back what I said about Sponge losing his balls. Stuff like that doesn't matter. Sponge is just supposed to be funny, which he hasn't been lately. I'm going to start with one people constantly rant on about: ATLANTIS SQUAREPANTIS-

[This review has two versions: the original Facebook version and an edited version made for TV.com. Half of the Facebook version is missing due to Facebook reformatting the message boards into regular comment chains. The TV.com version was not only edited to remove the curse words and some of the more offensive jokes, but the TV.com mods removed many cases of all-caps within the review.]

This "TV movie" is nothing more than an overhyped 45-minute episode containing none of the stuff that makes a Spongebob episode great. This is how the episode goes: Sponge and Pat are in Jellyfish Fields trying to take snapshots of bubbles. The only problem is that the flash pops the bubble and doesn't show up in the picture. They then proceed to sing a song about how everything in the world has to end at some point. It's not a bad song, really. They then enter the cave from Nature Pants and Your Shoe's Untied, where they find half of THE HOLY ATLANTIAN AMULET!! Our heroes then run over to the museum, where Krabs is trying to get some cash by putting a toll gate at the museum's entrance. Sponge and Pat enter the museum where they meet up with Squid. Squid thinks that Sponge and Pat stole what he thinks is the other half of the amulet that's on display at the museum, but to his surprise, he sees they have the second half. Squid then tells Sponge, Pat, and Krabs about Atlantis and what great things that they have accomplished. Sandy pops outta nowhere to say stupid shit about science, they assemble the amulet, and summon a pimped-out bus. But this isn't any pimped out bus. This pimped-out bus has the most unusual fuel source. Electricity? Water? Plankton? No! It runs on SONG! Since the bus, despite being pimped out, doesn't have a radio, the five lucky riders will have to sing their way to Atlantis. Only one problem. In musicals, there is never a logical explanation to sing, you just sing when the time is right, that's it. Also, the song is just about going to Atlantis and doing the stuff that piques their interests. In fact, the song is so basic, it could have the same amout of meaning as the song Sponge and Pat sung in the episode Neptune's Spatula after Sponge won the cook-off. "We're going to Atlantis! We're going to Atlantis!" Come to think of it, that song was kinda catchy. After Patrick crashes the bus into Atlantis, we see Plankton. Plankton wants to get ahold of Atlantis's weapons of mass destruction to do everything he said he was going to do in his version of the FUN song. There are many signs throughout the special that indicate that Plankton was just thrown in as an extra. First sign: they give no explanation as to how he got on the bus. Second sign: They have him exit the bus in the most illogical way: through the tailpipe, which the bus shouldn't have because it runs on song fuel. We then meet up with Lord Royal Highness (or Lord Royal Jackass, as I like to call him), who looks like a Blue Meanie from the Beatles's Yellow Submarine video and is voiced by famous singer David Bowe. LRJ falls down a large flight of stairs, which is about as funny as watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. So the episode follows a certain pattern for each character. They enter a room that reflects on one of the character’s traits, they sing a song, and the remaining characters continue on with the tour while the other one stays behind to bask in the room’s godliness. Well this isn’t a Willy Wonka ripoff! As all of this is happening, Plankton is trying to get to the WMD’s. The first room is the money storage room. Krabs gets such a big orgy from this, he even considers turning himself into money via a money press. First of all, a money press just prints the dollar design on dollar paper, so Krabs shouldn’t have been flat, he’s not paper. Second, and this is the main argument, how far can they take this simple characteristic? What sense does this make? What is turning yourself into money gonna accomplish? NOTHING. ZILCH. NADA. It has nothing to do with greed at all. Did they just do that to make the song longer? I bet that’s why they did it. I don’t remember it exactly, but I don’t think the beat of the song was consistent. Not surprising. Next, we go to the R&D room. We see an ice cream transmogrifier, good for the tonsil-less, I guess. Then we come to the main invention: a machine that shrinks a person down to microscopic size to fight viruses in MORTAL KOMBAT!!! Well, not Mortal Kombat, but in other video games. That’s right, this sequence rips off of video games. Basically, Sandy has to defeat a bunch of viruses in video games and defeat the giant nose boss to save Sponge, Pat, and Squid. They ripoff DDR and Bust-a-Move and that’s about it. What, no Pac-Man ripoff? No Tetris ripoff? What about Mario? That would’ve been easy, just ripoff Dr. Mario. We ARE fighting viruses, no? Also, the 8-bit versions of the characters look bad. I have a Spongebob video game for the Game Boy Color, and that game, the characters looked better than in this movie. The song? Ouch, not too good. Sandy, no one gives two shits about the periodic table of elements, at least when watching TV that isn’t Discovery channel. Next up is the art room, filled with artistic marvels painted by only the most talented artists in the sea. Squid’s song was OK, but the song’s video was average. The painting ripoffs are well placed, and many of them are easy to point out. Unfortunately, that really isn’t saying much. Plankton’s song is the shortest out of the bunch, another sign of him being thrown in as an extra. The video only uses the colors red, white, and black. This was to make Plankton look like a Nazi. Did they forget that Jewish people are watching this show? Making references to a group of people that caused the slaughter of a bunch of Jews on a kid’s show…not too smart. Finally, we get to Sponge and Pat, who get to see the World’s Oldest Bubble. Just go with it, ok? Surprisingly, there’s no song. Instead, LRH just leaves the two there with the bubble. Patrick snaps a picture of the bubble, and…OMG THEY POPPED THE BUBBLE!!! Yeah, after all of the singing and touring bull, we finally get to the climax of the story. The group meets back up at the banquet hall for a FEAST (sorry, no Snickers at this feast). Sponge tells LRJ about the sin that had committed. LRJ tells them that the bubble they popped was a phony, and he then pulls out the real one. Patrick takes a picture, and…OMG THEY POPPED THE BUBBLE!!! Yes, after popping a fake bubble and giving us a cheap adrenaline rush, we finally get to the REAL climax of the story. We then get to an action scene. Five main characters vs. an army of Blue Meanies. This would be ok if Sandy wasn’t the only one doing all the work. Sponge knows karate, Pat is a self-renowned world championship kickboxer, Squid can be a hell of a fighter when he’s pissed, and Krabs was in the freakin’ Navy. I think all of the characters can hold out on their own without acting as Sandy’s weapons. The characters successfully escape the Meanie armada, only to be stopped by Plankton, who has acquired a big-ass tank to kill people with. Death is inevitable. This is the end of Spongebob. Plankton fires the tank, kills the five characters (no blood, of course), and destroys the city of Atlantis. He then destroys Bikini Bottom, then moves on to the United States, North America, the other Americas, the whole world, the solar system, the universe, and all beyond that. In Heaven, Sponge realizes that like everything else in the world, his life would had to have ended at some point. Patrick is happy to find a place where he is not judged by his IQ, Squid tearfully reunites with his deceased father and finds love, and Krabs regrets his actions from his mortal life, wishing that he could’ve gotten more out of it than getting every cent and bill the sea had. Sandy, however, was sent to Hell for being a sciento

[the rest of this review is from the censored TV.com version since the original Facebook version got cut off. Honestly, it’s better that way, that Scientology joke makes no fucking sense.]

Sandy's mental strain finally goes away, as she is now in a place where science really doesn't matter. Yeah right. Plankton fires the tank, only to find that it shoots ice cream! Could it have been any more anticlimactic? I mean, I get the ice cream transmogrifier from earlier, but how does that connect with the ice cream tank? Also, LRJ said he locked the "WMD's" to promote the growth of world peace. So ice cream causes wars and terrorism? Real educational. Because LRJ is in need desperate need of a main attraction, he captures Plankton and displays him as a sideshow as opposed to the now-destroyed bubble. LRJ does this because he thinks Plankton is a "talking speck." Well, you got half of that right, he does talk, but he's not a speck! Was he not paying attention at all during the fight scene, where Sponge and Pat clearly yelled "Thanks, Plankton!"? He's a plankton! A common microscopic organism normally eaten by small fish and whales. Note that I used the word "common." Why capture a common organism? What makes Plankton so special? The only thing that makes him different from other plankton is that he isn't a redneck, but I doubt LRJ knows that because he's confined to an unknown city separated from the rest of the world. So after that bizarre moment, our 5 *ahem* "heroes" set off for the journey home. Sponge sings a final song about how Bikini Bottom may not have everything they'd like it to have, but it's still their home, and to quote The Wizard of Oz, there's no place like home. So even a trip to Atlantis would have had to end at some point. This shows that no matter how great something is, it has to end. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, it will have to go past the point of no return. While the special sucked, it had a good lesson to teach. But wait! Wasn't the first song about how nothing has permanence? So we just had to watch the first 5 minutes of the freakin special to get the message, and that we waste the other 40 minutes watching beyond the point where the first song ends? That just proves how much substance this special has. What could be explained in 5 minutes was explained in 45. Overall, not funny, not deep, no plot, waste of time, waste of money. The only reason to watch it is just to make fun of it. Final Grade: F

[I wrote a review for Banned in Bikini Bottom in the same post, but again, Facebook reformatting has made it lost to time. All I remember is that I got the villain’s name wrong and I kept bitching about how dumb the plot was, how annoying the recurring music number was, and how it was completely stupid that the Secret Krusty Krab had a giant sign advertising it’s presence.]

OK, I'm not gonna review the episodes in order anymore. I'm just gonna do it randomly. OK, here's a bad one: THE BATTLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM- I actually had hopes for this episode. If you've seen the first few minutes of it, you'd feel the same. The episode starts out with Sponge and Pat picking out shirts that read this: BEST FRIEND -------> So that they can promote their friendship. But later the shirts point at two girls, and Sponge says that they gotta ditch the shirts because their "sending the wrong message." This could either be funny or offensive. If you can take a gay joke, it's funny. If you don't like to see Sponge and Pat being portrayed as being gay, it's offensive. You know what, Sponge used to be straight, but ever since season 4, he's been trying to get as many anacondas as possible. So after getting booted out of the mall for product destruction, Sponge and Pat come across a war reenactment of America's battle against the Red Coats. Now you're thinking, "That's not too bad. Maybe we can get a few thrills from the action." But then Sponge asks what the war was about, and Patrick explains. He says that the war began when a Red Coat told Patrick's Revolutionary ancestor to wash his filth-ridden hands. A fight breaks out, and I guess the war begins. So basically, Pat says the war was about cleanliness, and it gave us the right to be either clean or dirty. Well, Patrick then says that he's never washed his hands in his life. At this point, you should just change the channel. Sponge gets disgusted at Patrick's customs and a fight breaks out. Trust me, you'd be disgusted at Patrick too. Why? Because the animators thought it would be a great idea to show Patrick's lack of sanitation in very detailed extreme closeups. I think they were trying to rip off some of the gross-out humor Ren and Stimpy used. The only difference is that R&S had actual humor to back it up, and that's why it was such a great show. Not this episode, it relies solely on disgusting closeups. As the "new" series progressed, Patrick's character began to deteriate. He went from being just a simple character that just happened to have ADD to a dumb f*ck that can't crack a decent joke to save his life. This episode is Patrick's worst episode. Never has his character been so anally raped. Not only did they change him mentally, making him a filth whore, but they also changed him physically. They give Patrick things that he should never have. First of all, they put 2 large toenails on Patrick's legs. OK, what crack were they snorting when they did this? Would any decent person in this universe even consider giving Patrick actual feet, let alone toenails? His feet look like fingers. He has fingers for legs! Yeah, that's nice to know. Second, at one point during the fight, he says that the glove must come off. Then, he actually takes off his hand. You know what's under it? A HUMAN HAND! A HUMAN HAND!!!! Are you shitting me!? A human hand!? They had the balls to give him a human hand!? So, now what are you saying!? That Patrick isn't a starfish, but just a FINGER PUPPET IN A STARFISH COSTUME!? Well, according to the new cast, that's what he is. Patrick is a human finger puppet wearing a cute little starfish costume, and Stephen Hillenburg has been lying to us all these years. I think they actually did this to explain how Patrick is always able to randomly generate fingers. That's something that needs no explanation. He just can. Finally, they make Patrick grow a nose. No, not a little hole in his head, or a small round nose that sometimes appears on his face. They give him a nose that would outnose Squidward's. This is pretty screwed up. He then proceeds to pick his nose, in a detailed close-up, and chase Sponge around trying to fling his...nasal waste...at him. Thankfully, they have of courtesy of not showing this f*cked-up act. Well, at least they know when enough is enough. Overall, for sanity's sake, don't watch this episode. If you do decide to watch the episode, then you are brave, my friend.

Two years after I stopped doing reviews, the “You’re my hero” guy left me this comment and this exchange happened.

GUY: “I haven't been on here in two years, but now I am even more impressed than I was. The cash hungry execs at viacom should read these.”

ME: “Waited four months to reply, but I've got to say this. Honestly, I stopped caring about this issue years ago. Not only is it irrelevant for me to be ranting about a show in which I'm not in the target age group, but this was going to happen anyway. The show was getting popular, so the network decided to keep making more and more episodes. If the original writers of the show decide to move on to new projects, the network will hire new ones to replace them. It doesn't matter if they actually know how to write for a particular show, as long as they write something, the network is happy. All of this ranting and venting I did was not helping the cause at all. In fact, what I'm doing now is helping it. I stopped giving a shit, so I stopped watching. Plus, I just did these things for fun. The fun came from just pointing out fucked-up parts of episodes and making jokes about them. Why else do you think they're so overcritical? I was like the friggin Nostalgia Critic. So yeah, don't really care anymore. If you want overcritical reviews of a dead cartoon show, well, find someone else to do it.” GUY: “Well, at least you know you entertained me.”

And then I became a hypocrite and watched MoBros and Enter’s videos on the subject later on.

So anyway, those were my SB reviews. I guess everyone goes through this kinda period at some point in their lives.

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