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workingforthewidow · 10 months

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What is up bitches and hoes. Ya girl is back. And by back I mean my cat brain was able to hyper fixate on something long enough to write for it. Also I’m in my ‘final girl’ ‘slasher fucker’ era. So be prepared for some fucked up shit. I am unhinged and hot for men that wear masks and kill people and people that just kill people in general. So onto the show. This is my first time writing and posting in forever so plz be nice lol

18+

Pairings: Otis Driftwood X Stockholm syndrome!reader (darling is in so deep there’s no coming back). Reader X platonic Firefly family.

She/her pronouns for reader. I tried to keep descriptions to a minimum, did mention pulling readers hair a lot but I mean i pull my husbands hair a lot and he has short hair so yeah.

Warnings: as stated reader is in deep for Otis like so much Stockholm syndrome going on. Slight smut. I think like 1 single use of Daddy in a power play way. Reference to non-con. This is Otis we are talking about so he can be a warning himself. But also OOC Otis. His mood swings will give you whiplash. Blood. Lots of blood. Killing people. Guns used in a sexual way. Knives. If there’s any major i missed please let me know! But yeah- don’t like it don’t read it.

Word count: 4,245

God i am so feral for this man.

Also a big THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU to the person who inspired me to write again go check out their work if you haven’t: @lovely-cryptid

Ugh i am so nervous to post this but imma do it! Link to part 2

She sometimes wondered if her family even knew she was missing or that she had even left. The whole reason she was out on that lonely road was her attempt to leave everything behind, everyone behind. So in a sense she did succeed in that but this was not what she had in mind when she pictured her freedom from her mother and her step-father. She had pictured herself in a big city with a cute little apartment with big windows that looked out over a park or maybe water. She’d have a good job but nothing too fancy. Working in a bookstore maybe or a flower shop. Something where she could be creative. But this wasn’t that magical place. Not even close.

Well you could say that she got to be creative in some sense. If you count being the muse and model for an insane blood thirsty ‘artist’ as creative. Sometimes he did let her pick out some of the smaller details of his work. Like how the hair was styled if it involved a human. But for the most part she was there for him to use when he needed to take out his anger and frustration. “Fucking my pretty little princess always cures the artist block” he would say as he pounded into her without a care for how she felt. All that matter was he got his dick wet. She didn’t mind thought. It kept him happy and she loved him when he was happy. He was kinder.

She could have never imagine this would be her life when she ran out of her mother’s house a year ago. A year, had it really been a year? Was it October already? She couldn’t be too sure. He rarely let her out of his, their, room unless it was to eat at the table as a family. The last time she was able to see a calendar was in August when he took her to the ‘museum’ to give Captain Spaulding the newest exhibit.

She had to beg on her knees for him to let her come along with him. That led to him agreeing with a stipulation of course, “Already on your knees princess might as put that mouth to work. Show me how badly you wanna go.” After giving into his demands she was able to leave the Firefly house and make the trip to see Spaulding. They only stayed a few minutes. Enough time for him to set up his ‘art’ and for her to see that the calendar read “August 17” but looking back what if that was wrong? It didn’t have the year on it, that calendar could have been from 5 years ago for all she knew.

At that point she figured she might as well ask him the date. She had been good the last few weeks. He had even told her that himself. He was being nicer only calling her a slut or a whore when he was fucking her in anger. But now he was calling her sweet things like ‘princess and sweetheart’ he had even called her baby once. But Baby heard him say that and hit the fan mad. Not that Baby didn’t like her. In all fairness her and Baby had become pretty good friends. She would even dare to say best friends. When he was being nice he would let Baby come to the room and talk to her. If he was being really nice and she had been really good for him, he would let her go to Baby’s room. That was the best. Baby would do her hair and makeup and dress her up in pretty outfits. He only let her wear her tiny jean shorts, which she was pretty sure he had cut shorter then when she bought them and a shirt that barely covered her breast. During the winter he had let her wear one of his flannel shirts over her outfit after Mama Firefly got onto him when the poor girl about froze to death. Texas winters could be as brutal as Texas summers if you were in the right place.

“Otis?” She called softly from her place on the bed but then cringed when she realized her mistake. He had been working on a new ‘project’ all morning his back to her and she couldn’t really see what was being created.

“Try again Princess. Get it right or I’ll have to punish you. And you’ve been so good for me for so long.” He didn’t even turn to look at her but she knew he was smirking to himself. He always found pleasure in the little roles he had created for them. But this was no game or play that came to end. This was her life.

“I’m sorry Daddy,” Otis was sure if he hadn’t had been listening for the response it would have been too soft for him to hear. He heard the bed squeak signaling she had moved. In the corner of his eye he could see her kneel next to him and soon felt her hand on his thigh. He looked down to see her staring up at him with her big innocent eyes. His innocent little pretty princess. His naive little sweetheart.

“Good girl, what do you want?” He ran his hand through her hair once before grabbing a fist full at the base of her skull forcing her to stay looking up at him.

“Um, I, I, um. Just was wondering, what’s the date?”

“Tuesday.” Was that all she wanted. Interrupted his work for that.

“No, like what is the date? Like what month is it and the day?”

He tightened his fist in her hair making her whine at the pain “Why the fuck does it matter? Have some place to be? A hot date waiting for you?”

With tears pricking at her eyes she tried to follow his hand to relieve the pressure on her head. “No, no. I only want to be here with you. No where else. With no one else.” She made her eyes wide again trying to get back on his good side with her innocent look. He loved that look.

He loosened his grip on her hair and scratched his chin as if he had to think long and hard about the date.

“It’s October 30. Now why the fuck does it matter? It ain’t your birthday seeing as Baby isn’t fucking around insisting on a party for her little best friend. So what’s so important about today huh?” He had bent down his nose brushing against hers lips barely brushing.

“It’s been a year. A year since you brought me home with you.” She smiled. He may be mean when he’s angry but she did fell at home with him. He did care for her. He did love her. At least that’s what she told herself.

“Didn’t think you’d be so much a little romantic princess. What you want some little anniversary dinner? Think I’m gonna buy you little presents? This is your present sweetheart. You ain’t dead.” He growled in her ear and moved away from her face. “Now get back on the bed and shut your fucking mouth. I’m almost done and if you interrupt again I’ll have Tiny take you down to the basement for the night.”

Her eyes went wide in terror. She hated the basement. Tiny wasn’t bad, they had become pretty good friends. But the basement was not fun. It was dark and cold and damp. Otis had made her stay in the basement when he first brought her to the house after picking her up off the side of road where her car had ‘broken down’ aka where RJ had shot her tires out. It took her a few days to calm down and stop the kicking and screaming. It had only taken a few whips with his belt and the threats of deaths for her to finally listen to him. But she realized once she was being good that he did just want what was best for her. She saw how many girls he brought in and killed. But he chose her. He saved her and kept her safe. Kept her warm and well fed. And as long as she was good for him he was good to her.

“Yes, sir.” She responded quickly as it was a toss up if he wanted her response at all or if that itself would get her to the basement. She crawled back up the bed and laid out on her stomach facing him so she could watch him work. He was painting today.

He turned briefly looking to see if she followed his demand. Which she had, as she always did- his perfect little princess. How lucky he was when he found her. He hadn’t planned originally on keeping her but she was different from the others. She screamed sure but there was something about her eyes. He could tell she was naive but also wouldn’t mind some blood. Her eyes screamed innocence but at the same time he could tell she had seen some of the horrors of this world. He would later learn that horror of hers was from her abusive parents. She didn’t tell him outright but her nightmares usually came along with sleep talking and he had pried a lot of her in her unconscious state.

“Good girl, princess.” He praised her before turning back to his work. She did as she was told and stayed silent for the next hour while he worked. Finally by midnight he was done and she had passed out waiting for him on the bed. He grabbed her hair again and pulled her up, her hands flying up to grab his wrist and looked up at him with now wide awake eyes. “All done princess. You want dinner?”

Oh right they didn’t eat dinner. Odd, Baby normally always came to collect them for dinner when Otis was working. She knew that he would get caught up in his work and forget to feed her little best friend.

She nodded as best she could with his grip on her hair. “Yes please.” She didn’t realize how hungry she was until the thought of dinner crossed her mind.

“Come on then hurry up. Put these on.” He ordered throwing her short skirt and shoes at her. Why was he making wear her shoes? The skirt she knew, even if it barely covered her it was enough to keep Hugo off her a bit. But the shoes? She wasn’t supposed to wear shoes in the house that was one of the rules. “Mama didn’t make enough dinner for us. Seems she forgot about us. Figured I’d be nice and take you somewhere. That’s what you wanted right? Some kinda anniversary dinner?”

“If that’s what you want. I just want to make you happy.” She said slipping on her shoes as ordered.

“Of course you do sweetheart. Come on lets go.” Otis grabbed her wrist and pulled her down the stairs and out to his truck. He threw her into the passenger seat before getting in the driver side. Once the truck was started the radio came on playing her favorite Frank Sinatra song.

She gasped and smiled wide. “I love this song.” She said without thinking before clasping her hand over her mouth. Another one of his rules- Don’t speak unless given permission. She looked up at him with her big eyes. “I’m sorry I was just excited and…”

Otis moved his hand to her thigh gripping the skin so hard she knew she’d have a handprint shaped mark in the morning. She stilled and waiting for his next move.

“Don’t have to apologize for that sweetheart. You’ve been a good girl. Maybe it’s time to change the rules a little, yeah?” He smiled at her with his wicked smile that would send shivers down anyone else’s spine and pulled her closer to him running his hand higher up her thigh. “You be a good girl while we’re out and when we get home. Tomorrow I’ll think about changing your rules.”

She took a breath. He was happy with her. So happy he was going to change her rules. Maybe she would be allowed to leave the room without him. Spend more time with Baby and Tiny. Or even Mama. She loved Mama. Mama was everything she wished her mother had been.

Finally Otis pulled the truck off to a 24 hour roadside dinner. There were only a couple cars, probably belonging to the workers, and a few long haul trucks. Otis got out and pulled her along with him. Once her feet hit the ground he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her forehead, “Be good.” It was a simple command and a simple warning. “Be good” meant not only behave in general but also “don’t you dare tell anyone what happens at home.” He had only taken her out in public once, outside of her trips to Captain Spaulding’s, when he took her to buy her new outfits for her to wear for him. And by outfits of course that means bras that barely hold her tits and panties that barely covered anything. Along with a few short skirts and shorts. He didn’t like when Hugo eyed his woman. But oh how Otis loved to see his princess dressed up for him.

She reached up and kissed him on his cheek. She knew he loved it when she showed him affection. “Of course. Always a good girl for you.” She promised him.

They made it to the door and he was even kind enough to hold the door open for her. The waitress at the counter greeted them and told them to find a seat anywhere. He found them a booth far in the corner away from everyone else and pulled her down in his lap grabbing the menu. He let her trail her fingers over it reading each line and finally pointing out what she wanted. Of course, the sweetest thing on the menu. The waitress made her way over and smiled at them.

“Y’all need a minute or are you ready to order?”

Otis tightened his grip on her waist and she knew that meant stay quiet.

“Water, coffee, bacon and scrambled eggs, and the waffles.” He didn’t even look the waitress in the eye. “Chocolate chips on the waffles.”

She must have been really good if he was letting her have sweet treats.

The waitress nodded, writing down the order, before going to the kitchen.

They sat in silence. His hand drifting up and down her leg as they waited. A few minutes go by and the waitress reappears with a tray holding the drinks and food. “Here ya go darlings. Anything else?” Otis waves her off with a huff and she retreats back to the counter where a few truckers are sitting.

He takes a slice of bacon and chews it loudly in her ear before holding a piece to her mouth. “Eat up princess. I’ve been thinking about this whole anniversary non-sense and I think if I’m being so nice getting you this food then when we get home we will play one of our little games.”

She nodded happily, giggling and wiggling in his lap feel him grow harder under her. Playing games meant he was happy and in a good mood. She let him feed her until the plates were cleared. The waitress returned at that point slapping the bill on the table before turning on her heel walking away. She obviously did not enjoy being waved off earlier.

“Did you like it Princess? Wanna come back?” Was the game already starting? He didn’t normally ask her her preferences. “I didn’t like. I don’t think we’ll be back.”

“It was okay. Not as good as Mama’s cooking.” Mama made the best waffles.

Without a word and without looking at the bill Otis stood up and started walking her to the door.

“Sir you need to pay the bill! Excuse me!” The waitress yelled from behind the counter. Otis smirked down at his girl and chuckled darkly. He then whirled around and pull his gun from his waistband.

“I don’t have to do shit bitch.” He then grabbed her hand and threw her back in the truck speeding away towards home.

He was driving far past the speed limit, as fast as a bat out of hell. She looked up at him with her big eyes then down at the gun in-between them in the seat of the truck. He had never brought it out in front of her. He liked to use his knifes, belts, or even his hands on her. She couldn’t even name a time she had a gun this close outside of being on a police officers hip.

“Not gonna fucking bite you. What the little princess never seen a gun before?” He eyes burned on her. She shook her head. “Well then Princess, why don’t we start the game now?” He grabbed the gun and pressed it against against her temple. “Open those legs pretty girl.” She did as she was told and he moved the gun down her body until it was between her legs. “You fucking get off on this and cum without permission I will blow your brains out. Don’t care how much a pretty fuck you are. Understood?”

She let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding, “Yes.”

He slid the barrel of the gun against her folds making her shiver against the cold metal. He kept it up at a steady pace for what felt like hours but he made sure to never reach right where she wanted him. She was looking straight ahead trying to find any landmarks showing they were close to home. Right as she was about to work up the nerve to ask him, he finally hit her sweet spot. She moaned and threw her head back.

“There we go princess. Don’t forget the rules.” He moved faster bringing her close to the edge and pulling away. Finally the light of the house came into view. He stopped the truck but continued playing with her for a few minutes before pulling the gun away from her core.

He looked it over before grabbing her chin, “Open wide sweetheart. You made my gun dirty, now you gotta suck it clean. Be a good girl.” Be a good girl. Yes she is a good girl for him. She opened her mouth sticking out her tongue letting him slide the barrel into her mouth. She began licking and sucking her juices off the shiny metal when she heard a click. She gulped and looked at him to see his wicked smile. “Good girls don’t have to worry if the safety is off. And you’re a good girl right?” She nodded and continued until he finally pulled away wiping her spit off on his shirt. He then got out of the truck pulling her along with him as always. “Good girl, now you have 2 minutes to get that pretty ass upstairs and ready in our room. Wear the white.” Oh he really wanted to play today. He only had her wear a white set if he intended to stain it red. “Timer’s already started Princess I’d hurry if I was you.” He slapped her hard on her ass kicking her into gear. She darted into the house trying to be careful not to knock anything over. She reached the threshold of their room when she heard him slam the front door shut meaning she had about 1 minute left. She ripped off her clothes and threw on the first white lace bra and panties she could find. Once she was dressed she dropped to her knees sitting back on her heels, hands in her lap, looking up and waiting.

Otis finally opened the bedroom door and smirked at the sight before him. She was so pretty like that. Ready and waiting to suck his cock. He walked up to her stripping his clothes as he walked holding his belt in his hands. “Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes? On the bed arms up.”

She followed his orders and laid down arms against the headboard. She knew the drill at this point. He looped the belt around her wrist securing her to the bed. He then tied a blindfold around her eyes. This game was her favorite. She didn’t know why but he always was happier after they played this game.

A drawer opened and she heard the clicks of metal against metal. She then felt an ice cold blade against her throat. “One sound. One single sound and I will gut you like a pig. Got it?” She nodded to the best of her ability. “Good girl now be quiet.” The knife moved across her body slowly. She had yet to feel skin break. He moved up and down her arms and her legs. Around her bellybutton and traced the insides of her thighs. Then the feeling was gone. And she heard the rustling sound of clothes being thrown on and the bedroom door slamming.

This wasn’t part of the game. He was suppose to cut her, carve his name on her and lick the blood. Slice her up with tiny cuts that would bead some bubbles of blood enough for him to paint her in but not enough to kill her or even truly hurt her. But he never left before it was over. He didn’t always stay long afterwards, aftercare is not in his vocabulary but he never left before they were done.

Had he decided he was done with her? Was he going to get RJ and Tiny so they could be ready to take her body when he was done with it? Questions and thoughts started whirling in her head. Fear creeping up on her. She was alone again. She was alone and going to die. Her life with the Firefly’s wasn’t perfect but it was hers and she was enjoying it.

Tears started to slip from her eyes wetting the blindfold that had been tied to her. Maybe he was going to leave her here to starve. Let her have a final meal and then starve her. Her tears soon turned to sobs and before she knew it her breathing was getting shaky. Everything was spinning even though she couldn't see anything. Her brain was spinning it felt like. Her body was shaking violently.

“The fuck is wrong with you girl?” His voice boomed into the room and he removed his belt from her hands pulling her into his lap before taking off the blindfold. He was being oddly kind, like he was worried about her.

She continued to shake and sob for a minute before finally calming down enough to look at him. “You, you, you left. You never leave until the game is finished. Left me alone again.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Someone wondered up the property Princess. Had to make sure the cops weren’t showing up. Don’t need the pigs here when I have a pretty little runaway in my bed.” Then in a rare moment, a very rare moment that had only happened once when he was drunk but she counted it because it was the only time it happened; he kissed her. Like a real kiss from someone you love not a power play. “Ain’t nothing gonna happen to you Princess. I promise.”

She wiped her eyes and looked up at him like he was the center of her whole universe, “You won’t abandon me, right?” It was barely a whisper almost as if she was unsure if she could ask.

Otis brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead, “You’re mine forever silly girl. I love you.”

Those three words. The three little words he knew would hook her right in again. He didn’t have to worry about anything as long as he dangled that little carrot in front of her face once every couple weeks. He wasn’t sure if he even meant it. In the beginning he knew he didn’t but now as time had gone on he wasn’t sure anymore. Maybe this pretty little princess from the other side of Texas was changing him.

“I love you too.” She sighed kissing his neck before snuggling into him. There would be no wicked game for a few hours. He would be kind. He would let her sleep next to him. Let her snuggle up on his chest while he played with her hair. Let her have a few hours where they played like they were a normal couple, just a man and his girl sleeping the night away.

But Otis Driftwood was anything but just a man. He was different and he knew it. But she was different too. Maybe she was meant to be here. Meant to be his girl forever. But that was a problem for another day. A day when he was 7 beers deep and didn't have to think too hard.

“Goodnight Princess you can sleep now. I ain't going anywhere. And when you wake up, I’ll let you go to Baby’s room.” He kissed her hair again and moved them down on the bed throwing the blanket over them.

#otis driftwood #otis driftwood x reader #house of 1000 corpses #house of 1000 corpses x reader #slashers x reader #house of 1000 corpses fanfic #otis driftwood fanfic #i am in love with this freak and I’m not sorry #yes i am a disappointment to my mother

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bomberqueen17 · 4 months

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switchplate covers update/tutorial

So the thing to keep in mind with this is that we gotta see how well the wear. A switchplate cover is a pretty high-traffic thing, and subject to a lot of wear. If these get too dingy I'm absolutely going to have to go buy fancy ceramic ones or something.

But. That said. Here is my final result, and below the cut is how I did this, partly because I want to remember how it worked LOL.

[Image description: A combo lightswitch/outlet with a black three-prong plug plugged into it, set into a white subway tile wall with a wooden breadboard leaned against it. The plate cover is painted with a mottled effect to look like a turquoise gemstone, complete with inset glitter to mimic the pyrite inclusions found in some raw turquoise.]

A better view of the glitter:

[Image description: Another turquoise-painted outlet faceplate on the background of a rumpled white dropcloth, my fingers visible tilting it toward the light so the flake glitter catches the light from the window.]

So I searched up for tutorials and found a few, each of which was like "can't believe nobody else has done this"; I'm sharing the most helpful one here. What was thee very most helpful thing, though, was the writer's pointing out that many different configurations of turquoise exist, so you can just pick a reference image and build off that. I did not in the end come very close to my reference, but decided instead to make it look sick as hell. LOL. I was just having too much fun doing whatever I wanted. So these are not super realistic! But then you wouldn't... make an outlet faceplate out of real turquoise, so I felt like I wasn't fooling anyone. Anyway--

How To Paint Faux Turquoise.

So the first thing I did was find some very fine-grit sandpaper (I think I got 320? I found a mostly used-up sheet of it in the basement and just used the unused edge from where it had been fastened around a block, LOL) and went over the whole front surface of each plate I was going to paint, and then I washed them with dishsoap and hot water and dried them with a dish towel, because I figured finger grease, hand dirt, and sanding dust would keep the paint from sticking. I started with white plastic ones, the kind you get for up to a dollar at the hardware store.

Then I got a plastic container lid, put dollops of various of my paint samples in it, dug out the craft paints I got cleaning out Auntie's basement and the sole tube of acrylics (Mars black) I could still find from the last time I did any painting, and went to town. The first couple, I did the pale shades and let them dry and came back to add the darker marbling. But then I was like, these are latex/acrylic, you don't have to build them in layers? So I just did the rest of them with all the shading in more or less one pass.

Acrylic art paint and latex housepaint are both water-based, so there's no conflict with using them intermingled. I've combined them before, I used to do a lot of sign painting and it works fine. Housepaint's runnier, idk. Don't mix oils and latex, is the thing to keep in mind; they just don't stick to each other real well.

I went to the art supply store to get some water-based varnish, because all i had was polyurethane and that's oil-based. It'd probably work as a topcoat but I was worried and the internet's advice conflicted. I wanted to go get better glitter anyway, so I did. I happen to live near Hyatt's All Things Creative, so I take every excuse I can get to go there.

I bought some sick-ass glitter (over in the resin pouring section, hell yes), and puzzled thru the various offerings. (@sassaffrassa's advice proved invaluable on this thank u.) I got just-- "Gloss varnish acrylic medium", the Hyatt's brand, for four dollars and sixty-nine (nice) cents, and then because I was feeling spendy, I also bought Krylon spray-on glossy varnish. Belt and suspenders, y'know? Also to make the brush strokes less obvious.

The critical thing, though, about the gloss varnish, is that it says right on the bottle that you can either incorporate it into the paint as a medium to enhance the sheen, OR brush it over the finished work as a protective coating. Dries absolutely clear. So I knew, THIS is how I'm attaching the glitter. I'd been thinking like, mod podge? elmer's glue? mix it into the paint? No.

[image description: the gloss varnish bottle. It is this product. The relevant text says "can be used either as a medium to enhance the sheen levels of acrylic paint or as an over-varnish on finished artwork to provide a non-tacky, protective gloss coating".]

So I carefully got open the little bottle of glitter (no sneezing! it was "white gold flake" style and cost eight bucks for like half a gram. to my knowledge it's not actually made of gold but it was priced like it was) and painted little fine patches of gloss varnish onto the spots I wanted glittered, and then used tweezers to apply glitter just in those spots, and mooshed them around with the little varnish-covered brush until they stuck where I wanted them. (I put them on the darkest bits of the veining, because that was what my source image looked like, mostly. I wanted to be really liberal but then I thought, no, a little pop of glitter is more exciting actually. Still not sure, but it does look good so. They say measure that shit with your heart but I went light because I figured I could add more later, and then I didn't.)

Then I came back at the end and painted more gloss varnish just over the glitter, just to make sure it was all really stuck down and wouldn't flake off with wear.

Let that dry for a couple hours, then used a larger brush to spread gloss varnish as evenly as possible over the entirety of each plate. It did leave visible brush strokes, which I didn't mind. The art shop guy suggested using a really soft brush to minimize that, and I was like "yah sure ok" but then, well, I didn't, I just used the brush I had.)

But then I let that dry overnight, and in the morning I put the plates all in my giant overspray cardboard box, and gave them each a liberal coating of the spray varnish. (Yes of course I have a giant cardboard box I keep in my basement to spray paint things in. I know it says use in a well-ventilated space but what I do, see, is I do that and then I leave the room, which is almost as good. LOL it's 24F and snowing I'm not doing it outside.)

That bottle says two hours until handling on it, so I left it two hours, and then I put up the plates that were in spots where the painting was done or wasn't happening, hence my example image being against a tiled wall.

The screwdriver immediately scratched the first one a little bit, but not super obviously. But I kind of would expect a screwdriver to scratch just about anything, so that doesn't mean much.

I won't guarantee how well these'll hold up but if you were interested in doing something like that, there's how it worked. (Hi, future me, you're welcome for writing it down lol.)

I'm sort of sorry for no more process pictures but honestly most of it was following whimsy and doing what I felt like and kind of drawing on what I hadn't realized was a lot lot lot of hours of past paint-handling in my life, so pictures wouldn't help anyone else recreate this. But it did remind me that I love to paint and should do that more. So, I'll try, I guess.

#about the author #kitchen remodel #crafting sorta

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quanticq · 8 months

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Hey Q! Sorry for bothering you, but for some reason I can no longer find any of your tik tok accounts 😭 Did they get deleted or something?

Hi this is Q! I’m coming out of the woodwork to address this, since I did went radio silent out of the blue so it’s not a bother at all

The short answer is Yes, I deleted my tiktok

Yes delete not deactivate, I’m not coming back to That app or IG or Twt, I deleted my socials except here and YouTube, I honestly felt so overwhelmed with everything, I realized I’m not even posting for myself anymore there. A lots of people crossed my boundaries time and time again I felt so helpless, bitter with myself. I guess I was just overwhelmed with the attention I got; both positive and negatives ones.

Im done and I want to start over so that’s why I’m here and on YouTube, I already posted some of these on my community tab on YT but here’s what I have in mind for the future of the content I want to create: more detail under the cut, and also;

CW: very brief mention of spiraling, harm inflict oneself or others, paranoia, etc

•Long-form content: my attention span is a bit messed up from consuming and making short-form content to the point where I can’t focus in university. I want to create something meaningful. It’s not that my previous content was not meaningful, no. I had fun and no time is wasted when I have fun, it was warm… but as I mentioned earlier, I just felt this lingering bitterness the longer I stayed making those short-form content. It really felt like I was on the verge of losing it. Especially with how the bigger following I have the less people think of me as a person than just another content creator you see on the internet,

I want to create long-form content, I’m so tired of forcing myself to generate 15 second content. On tiktok it just feels like I’m just creating and not really connecting. I want to try something new, maybe create an open space for meaningful discussion in the comments. I don’t think I can stand another copy-paste tiktok comment anymore. You know what I meant if you’re frequent on that app.

•Art Content with Commentary: and don’t worry this won’t be those petty artist drama issue, but I will still cover anything serious

it could be love letters or video essays ranging from fan fictions, fandom culture, the art scene and so much more. I may even share a bit of my personal life, this will be self indulgent after all! I want to make it fun for myself and as well to those who comes across my channel. I really REALLY want to create a genuine following.

On tiktok it’s so easy to gain following but not so easy to retain them, it’s mostly because of the algorithm and the FYP feature there.

On Tiktok most content that would get featured as an artist there would be creative work has to be either; more than exceptional which is pressuring enough already to consistent posters, straight up suggestive content shown to minors (tiktok doesn’t really have a blocked keywords feature but it’s so disheartening to see these creators intentionally not using the sensitive warning since it could limit their reach significantly) oh yes we can’t forget the negativity surrounding beginner artists or “art lore”

All of this cesspool of negativity, it’s a whole can of worms but it will be one of my prominent topics that I wish to discuss in my future art commentaries. I hope you guys are looking forward to those! I might bring in a few people or so to talk about it with me

and finally;

•Streaming: I used to do a lot of streams during the weekends on the clock app and it was super fun! I want to bring that back but that would have to wait since I’m unfamiliar with some features on YouTube, and I’m aware that YT does not have a discoverable feature for stream but that’s alright, I want to start something small first.

In short; I’ll figure it out! just need some baby steps before I start streaming again.

I apologize for deleting everything out of the blue, if I’m gonna be honest it was partially planned because I’ve been thinking about deleting my tiktok, twitter and Instagram for a while now but how it happened? In my breakdown I realized that I don’t want anyone to see me spiral, especially now that I realized how young my audience are, I’m not sure how that happened but I guess posting fandom contents does attract the young ones somehow inevitably, even though my content is nowhere near as suggestive, but I do talk about serious topics from time to time… but I digress, its not fair for them to deal with me if they see me spiral publicly,

it is especially not fair to them to console me. When I was younger than 14, I’ve been in a position where I have to talk down someone who was older, maybe 4-5 years older than me, from harming themselves or anyone, it was traumatizing and unpleasant. I don’t wish for anyone to go through that, it’s very painful.

It’s been… hard for me to ground myself. Ive been seeing things through a kaleidoscope of emotions; I was trying to focus on everything but it’s just too overwhelming so eventually I cracked. But please don’t worry I’ve been doing better now, after some time away from my online persona, and of course spending time with my beloved girlfriend, I see things much more clearly now.

Thank you to anyone who read this and much so appreciate those who understand where I’m coming from

Also now that I think of it can my stuff be considered as lost media now? Amazing! But please don’t be sad the fun I had was genuine!

Thank you again to those who genuinely enjoyed my content on tiktok but it’s time for me to try my hand at something new, I will still be dwelling in my creative headspace just.. away from public for now,

if you’re looking forward for my future post, make sure to check out my YouTube! I still have a lot I need to cook hehe, this is one of the few!

More post soon, Bye bye! -Q

#vent #mental health #mentions of unhealthy habits #I’m not sure how to tag these but I’ll try my best!#social media #q myers #tiktok #burnt out #creative fatigue #sorry for the rant #rant #content creator #art community

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shallyne · 1 month

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The Diary of Feyre Archeron Ch 4

CHAPTER FOUUUUUUR! YAY!!! All chapters on A03

Words: 1.6k

TW: signs of a panic attack, death, implied murder

July 19th

It's barely daybreak and we already got bad news. Mom had a stroke last night, so severe that she's now in a coma. I tried talking to Nesta but she didn't reply and just left, Elain still seems in shock. I don't know how I feel, it all just seems going downward right now and there is no way to stop it. Is it possible to feel nothing about mom's stroke? Maybe I am in shock but I don't feel like I am in shock, I just, I feel nothing. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe it does, maybe I am a bad person but if I am a bad person, then mom is a bad person, too.

I'm trying not to think too much about it, Elain and Nesta are more important right now because they do feel something, and I want to make sure that they know I am there for them if they want to talk. I doubt they will but it's always nice to know that there is someone, right?

Also, should we tell dad? Should we tell him soon or wait for some news? He's going to be devastated, like we were when we lost everything because of his antics.

I shouldn't go down this route right now, maybe another time.

Well, I guess it's time now to get ready for school, maybe Rhys will distact me from this shitshow my family is right now.

July 20th

Rhys told me today that he needs to talk to me soon about something important, whenever I have time. I only have time next Saturday and he was okay with meeting in the little park close to school then, so it can't be urgent.

OMG, maybe he's asking me on a date? That MUST be it!! I don't know how I am just thinking about it. Maybe I can borrow a dress from Nesta for Saturday and wear a little makeup. I don't know much about makeup, maybe Elain can help me. This is so exciting. FINALLY!! I'm totally saying yes but not instantly, he took long enough to ask me on a date.

I'll let my hair open, I know he likes it. I did it once and he told me I looked pretty, so that's a given. I also have this perfume I'm only wearing for special occasions, I'll use that, too.

Maybe I can get some details about it in the following week.

This is the best day of my life!!!!

Also, Ianthe has been a bitch to me. Rhys had told me she kept flirting with him after he rejected her a bajillion times and I told her to go away after she tried AGAIN. Unbelievable, right?

Such a shame she smashed her hand in her locker door in the PE changing room where no one could see us her.

I hope it heals just fine, would be sad if it didn't.

July 21st

I'm trying to draw and I just can't. Everytime I try I'm staring at a blank canvas, which is just as blank as my mind. I thought the maybe-date with Rhys would inspire me at least a little but it's impossible. I have a creative block. Even thinking about picking up a pencil or a brush takes all my energy, I never felt this way about painting. Painting was always my escape, I was always good at expressing any feeling through art. Now, I just get angry. I want to take the canvas and throw it away. I like having this diary but it's not the same as painting, I can't express myself in words like I do in sketches and paintings, or even scribbles. That part of me just feels empty now, like someone stole all the colors, all lights and feelings and shapes. It's a void.

Elain looked at my canvas and told me to give it a few days, maybe she's right. It's a stressful time for us all. We will get through this and then we go back to our normal lives because everything will be okay.

I'm trying to tell myself that at least, like Elain does, but there is always a little voice in my head that doubts any happiness will come our way.

The feeling of impending doom is still there, gripping me everyday, reminding me that all is not okay. Maybe it's just a puberty thing, I'm sure Nesta and Elain went through the same thing. I wouldn't know, talking about feelings in the Archeron household is like eating a steak as a vegan. You don't do it.

July 26th

Rhys is dead to me.

He and his stupid father don't exist anymore, not in my world. They are dead. DEAD.

Rhys hadn't invited me to ask me on a date, I didn't get ready, borrowed Nesta's dress, let Elain do my makeup, use my good perfume, because he wanted to ask me on a date. No, he invited me to tell me that he is the reason for ruining my life. My whole family's life. That we have NOTHING! Okay fine, it's his father's fault but what's the difference? I AM SO ANGRY. He just moved here to ruin my father's business because of some stupid deal my father broke. Speaking of father, my father is just as dead to me. He can rot in hell, I hope he rots in prison. My sister's are suffering because of HIM. Because of his decisions, because of Rhysand's family. I hate my father, I hate Rhysand's father, I hate Rhysand.

I must have looked just as distraught as I feel because Nesta knew instantly that something happened when I came home. I told her everything, her and Elain, and she is seething.

I can't believe I fell for Rhysand, I can't believe I fell for a fucking lie.

I'm just so angry I can barely breathe. I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe.

How am I supposed to see Rhysand everyday at school and not scream at him, at the unfairness of it all. How can I ever look at myself, live with myself, for falling foe his tricks to get close to me like a fool.

It was all a lie.

Dad's business was a lie.

Our life was a lie.

Rhysand was a big fucking lie.

I can't breathe.

July 31st

I'm sitting in a train.

The last twenty-four hours five days felt like a bad nightmare, one I just want to wake up from. But it's not a nightmare, is it? It's real.

Mom is dead. They said it was the stroke. Rhysand said it wasn't. I don't know why I believe him but he looked genuine. Maybe I am a fool for trusting him in this but Nesta seems to believe him, too.

Ruining my father's business wasn't the last of Rhysand's father's plans for my father. My father ruined a big deal, now Rhysand's father ruins his life. Meaning that he sends out his men to kill the people my father loves. Which includes my mother. And his daughters.

I think this is how shock feels, feeling like an empty shell. Every movement feels robotic, only muscle memory making me move.

Nesta told me that Rhysand's brothers knocked like crazy on the front door, the tall one was even short of breaking the freaking door down, to warn them about the threat on their lives. Meanwhile Rhysand dragged me out of that diner, kicking and screaming. I didn't want to listen, I didn't want to touch him, but he didn't budge. He brought me to my sisters. Telling me the plan.

The plan to send us away, to a friend who can help us. I think his name was Jurian. We are traveling to him now, he lives in a little city near Austin.

After that we won't be the Archeron’s anymore, we will live under another name, in a city far away.

I don't even know why Rhysand helped us, why would he care. He used me as a pawn for his father and now he helps us running away? I know that he said he never used me but the timing of befriending me seemed convenient. He also said he wouldn't track us after we got our new identities in Austin, but I don't know if I believe him. Maybe his friend will rat us out.

I made a promise to myself when we entered the train station this morning. I promised to keep Nesta and Elain safe, whatever it takes. They used me, they got my mom but they won't get my sister's.

Also, dear diary, this will be my last entry. Nesta wanted me to burn my diary, so it couldn't be tracked to us, but we compromised and I would keep it hidden wherever we end up. Never touch it again.

It was nice to have you as a silent companion as long as it lasted.

Bye

Excerpt from a group chat between Rhysand, Morrigan, Cassian and Azriel

Azriel: They just left Jurian’s house.

Cassian: so, that's it?

Morrigan: no contact anymore, it's to keep them safe, Cassian

Cassian: I know but how sure can we be that Aamon’s men won't track them down?

Rhysand: they won't

Cassian: but can we be SURE

Azriel: yes

Morrigan: Rhys, have you told Feyre?

Rhysand: no, it wasn't the time

Morrigan: there will never be the perfect time to tell someone you love them but it was your last chance

Rhysand: I know

Cassian: maybe it won't be forever

Rhysand: maybe

Morrigan: maybe

Azriel: maybe

Feysand Taglist:

@captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @starfall-spirit @rhysiedarling @corcracrow @sydney-fae25 @tothestarsandwhateverend @aayo-whatt @dreamlandreader

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lionheartapothecaryx · 3 months

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Wake up it’s the 1st of the month …. 3/1/24

Happy Venus Day 💕 Life Update

As a black, neuro spicy love witch, I’ve always struggled a bit with the shop, blog, group and managing a business especially when I'm not in a creative space but finally I've been inspired again.

So let me reintroduce myself again. I started this blog almost 4 yrs ago and it took off really quickly, gaining lots of followers overnight. This was right around COVID and there was a renewed interest in Hoodoo and love magick around that time. I’ve mainly posted vintage photos, wrote articles and shared spells and had so much fun interacting with all of you.

I started off 2023, grieving a difficult breakup and reflecting on lessons learned about myself, my former relationship, his spiraling addiction and uncertainty about the future. On top of that, I got to the point where I quit working at my high paying but super intense civilian job that was leaving me constantly exhausted, giving me severe panic attacks and driving me crazy.

I decided to take a sabbatical and reconnect with my body, self and my craft. I’ve always struggled a bit with imposter syndrome and the past few months have been difficult but healing for me as I reconnected with spirit, the elements and my spiritual allies. I finally got my spark back and found a good creative space after working with the spirits of Mercury and Venus.

Some of that inspiration has come in the form of creating new spell oils. The past few months I’ve had multiple recipes come to me repeatedly. After struggling to figure out the logistics, finally I can start testing oils out on myself and a few other volunteers before I place them in the shop. It’s been such a cool but confusing process, I wanted to share with all of you, if you still care 🤣 what I’ve been up to.

The first spell oil that I’ve been working is called Love Uncrossing, inspired by myself, other women, friends, clients, SW’s, crazy experiences and some of the strongest people I know. In traditional Hoodoo, an uncrossing is used to spiritually repair and fix an situation or individual with crossed conditions. To be crossed is to be blocked up, stagnant, unlucky, jinxed or even hexed. As a practitioner for hire, I’ve come across crossed conditions for love work so often, I know it’s fairly common.

Experience has taught me as a devotee of Venus/Aphrodite and the Venusian Arts that real genuine love doesn’t always come easily for everyone. Life is full of wonders but often unfair. Whether it’s the grief of a bad breakup, the intense pain of heartbreak, aggravating soul ties, deep traumas, negative cords an attachments or simply never ending bad luck, love does not play fair … but it can be.

For my SW’s friends who regularly work the club, do other forms of s-work or are ex industry, I’ve found that protecting and clearing the sacral, life force energy regularly can protect your spirit, energy and mental health, shielding you from intense burnout. I’ve charged the oil to assist with this. Even if you aren’t in the industry though, regularly cleansing and protecting your life force/ sacral energy can help with bringing you more balance and stability, within yourself and others.

For survivors of SA & abuse (physical, emotional, and s*xual) this oil is also spelled to assist with healing and overcoming any traumas associated with that. As a survivor myself, I understand the unique difficulties that come with processing light and heavy traumas, so I worked hard to create a spiritual blend that covers a variety of issues.

*** this is not intended to be a substitute for proper mental health services. Item is intended as curio only.

After carefully gathering the right herbs, I’ve been crafting and charging the oil for the past few days.

I wanted to create something energetically restorative, with abundant free flowing energy, that also cleared stagnant energy. It needed to be cleansing but also help with dissolving blockages in all matters of love and relationships. Than the oil was imbued with strong protections. I found this part to be really important because it’s easy to be re-traumatized, especially if you’re dealing with heavy traumas which sets you back and impedes your progress and healing process. It’s kinda like picking at or having a scab ripped off accidentally. Likewise if you want the best results in love magick, you can’t leave it up to chance.

The last thing I did was enchant the oil to cut and clear out any negative cords, soul ties and spiritual attachments and then spell it with a soothing potent healing energy using the highest quality lavender and other herbs so the healing process wouldn’t be super painful or stressful.

For those who are spiritually sensitive like myself, spiritual hygiene is a important part of our regular routine. The oil will serve as a multipurpose spiritual primer, to remove, cleanse, heal, attract and grow more love for themselves and genuine love from others. It can be used generally, to maintain your spiritual hygiene in all matters of love and relationships or be set for a variety of aforementioned intentions. The oil is blended to work on five spiritual levels, the auraric field, soul, energetic/sacral/lifeforce, mental, and physical.

I hyper focused on this project because I want you guys to love it as much as I do. I also wanted to give something back to the community, I cherish. I know you guys appreciate my passion and attention to detail.

Before launching the spell oil, it will be beta tested on myself and a few other volunteers.

Thanks for reading and catching up with me. What do you think ? Is this oil something you need ?

Shoutout to my spirit team for sending me the downloads and recipes.

With Love, Gratitude & Magick

Lyonessa 💕

aka The HoodooBarbie

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roach-pizza · 3 months

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5 Lines Tag

I was tagged by @somethingclevermahogony . These are all from my contemporary forbidden romance, Hey Can I Get Your Number?(HCI)

A Funny Line: (Ramon and Jenna are siblings. [This is to indicate phone call/text messages])

Jenna groaned as she took out her phone. She then clicked on a contact “Shit head”. She then put the phone on speaker. “Ramon! Are you on drugs?” Jenna asked the second Ramon answered. [W-What?] Ramon asked, although something was different about his voice. Irving could be heard in the background trying to suppress laughter. “Cirris just told me about what you told him in the car. It’s been two months!? Are you high!?” She then asked. Nothing on the other end. “Hello!? Ramon!?” Still nothing. Cirris furrowed his brows before his eyes went wide. He then tapped Jenna on the shoulder and before she could speak he gestured to keep quiet, then to hang up the phone. When she did he then took out his phone and called Ramon. When he spoke it was Irving who answered. [H-Hello…] He asked, trying to maintain composure. Ramon could be heard in the background, his laughter muffled. “I just wanted to check in on Monty.” He said. It took Jenna a few more seconds, but then she realized something. [He-He…He-He’s good…Less stressed that’s for sure.] He stated as he tried to calm down. Ramon said something unintelligible, but it made Irving crack up. [I had just gotten him to smoke a little with me, and when it finally hit, J-Jenna called-] The professor cut himself off as the two started laughing.

A Joyful Line: Irving is an Art History professor, and loves art. (It's a toss between him being incapable of being creative, or suffering from grief fed art's block)

The man reached for his bong again and took a hit. When he spoke he held his breath. “I love art. I love looking at it, studying it.” Irving explained, grinning.

A line with fear:(Ramon does actually suffer from stress induced night terrors, and but he can't tell his father 'btw I wanna bang an employee of mine'. Father Lutan is also a wicked, evil bastard.)

The professor was about to ask another question when Ramon got a phone call. The man let out a huge sigh, before connecting his phone to the car speaker. He gestured to Irving to be quiet, and he answered. “Good evening, father.” Ramon began as his mouth slowly dried. “Son, why was your meeting canceled? You do understand the importance of this year don’t you?” The elderly man began. His tone was commanding, cold, and callus. “Y-Yes. I understand. It was the nightmares again.” The man lied. Irving’s body tensed, and though he wasn’t looking Ramon waved his hand to try to reassure him. “Believe it or not, father, mental health is important.” It wasn’t long before the two were out of the tunnels. As Ramon spoke, Irving turned the sound on his cellphone off, he didn’t need to make a dumb decision even worse.

A line with temperature: (While yes Ramon and Irving are the big/small dynamic. Irving is the big spoon lol.)

Irving looked at it before looking at Ramon; his face warmed as he stared back at the hoodie. His face grew hotter and darker as he took it and put it on. The fabric was some of the nicest fibers he had felt. It was soft, and kept the early spring chill off of him completely. However when he pulled the sleeves down he noticed it was unusually long.

A line with color: (Irving.exe has stopped working. reboot?)

The first thing he noticed was Ramon was wearing a muted red suit, paired with a dark grey collared shirt and matching red tie. His long dark hair sat loose around his shoulders. “I don’t mind, but you will need to keep the window down.” He replied as he tousled his hair lightly. Irving didn’t respond immediately, he had been completely absorbed in how the man looked.

Your lines are: A cursed line. A mundane line. A line where a character is laughing. A line where a character is crying. A line with a shape.

I don't have anyone to tag, so if you wanna do it please feel free to do so~ (and tag me so I can read your reply)

#writblr #writing game

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i-like-the-eyes · 14 days

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For the artist ask game :D

1. When did you start creating art?

3. What are your favorite subjects to draw? (OCs, your fan faves, etc.)

10. How do you deal with art block?

I hope it's alright to send more than one in one wjerjweiorjowrjwjr

(Always fine sending more than one!)

1 - I've loved drawing since my childhood. I really got into it around the age of 14-16 I think. Then stopped for a while.

What I'm seeing as my point of "starting to create art" is actually when I got back into it in 2012. That's when I was finally free to create what I wanted to and got to experiment/find a more me style.

3 - ATM I'm a lot into drawing the two main characters from my fanfic (My OC Vitus and the Corinthian).

Also I find myself getting more and more into the nsfw direction. Simply drawing naked bodies/certain body parts is very relaxing to me by now.

10 - Usually if I can't draw I'm just switch to writing (or other way round). Or to one of my other hobbies.

If it's really bad and I can't even write - working with resin is very relaxing.

I'm still creating art but my creative brain can actually get some rest cause I can just throw in some nice colors, fill the molds and ~boom~ made something. Success!

Also: Working out helps a lot to clear my mind and get in a better mood.

#ask answered #inbox reply #ask game #artist ask game

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signs-of-the-moon · 3 months

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Hi guys! Sorry for the radio silence throughout most of February. I stated it on my main blog, but I'll also mention here that for a while I was going through a strong creative block. Literally couldn't do anything creative--no writing, drawing, even daydreaming. It was very frustrating and did not help my mental health at all. I think it was a residual side effect of burnout from both work and the holidays. Not to mention there's still a bunch of special occasions going on that take my energy (Valentine's day, my datemate' bday 4 days after, then President's day which made work swamped with irritable customers. Now I've got my sister and mother's bdays coming up in March and they're both milestone birthdays too).

I think another reason for the block was that I wasn't consuming enough media, stories, and fanwork to be inspired. But I've been reading a lot of fics recently, as well as trying to reread TNP, and that's brought my spark back! Idk if it will last, or for how long, but I'm riding this train til I can't no more.

All that's to say more from Signs of the Moon will be out soon! I've got the newest chapter of Moon High ready for a final edit. I'm trying to get the next chapter of Snowfrost's Fate finished as well (I haven't abandoned the story, it's just been put waay back on the back burner while I write Moon High 'cause balancing multiple POVs is challenging). And the next chapter of MH is also being written. I have plans for some mini drabbles/one shot pieces as well but no promises on those coming out. I also want to make some art but that might have to wait til I take vacation days from work in March.

As always, thank you all for your patience and support <3

#viti shoosh #I've literally never experienced a creative block as badly as I just did #like it was to the point where it was painful #I always daydream. especially while listening to music (I imagine amvsin my head as any normal creative type does)#and I just. couldn't. my head was empty for once except for thoughts about my life or self or things like that #which sucked #luckily its better now and Im inspired to create #so yippee #anyways ilu guys thanks for sticking around

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flieslikeamoron · 10 months

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Okay, here's the rest!

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I'm not going to tell you the words I use too much because once I point them out you won't stop seeing it lol. But I do have recurring things. I write a lot of people getting drunk. I don't drink so that's kind of funny, but it's a useful way to write people at their silliest or their most truthful or to loosen up a tough nut, make a control freak lose control, etc. I write a lot of secret relationships. I write a lot of us against the world stuff, and I do love it when that relationship is a bit too close to be "healthy." I like making people who don't want to, or are scared to, fall in love fall in love. I write a lot of pining. I love pining while fucking especially. I'm sure there are others.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Characterization always. I'll never sacrifice character for a plot point. And I think my characters are distinct. Like the characters I write for one fandom aren't the same ones I write in every fandom. Dialogue that sounds like how people talk. Porn is my art etc.

64. Something you love to see in smut.

Specificity. I don't mean specific sex acts, or some specific description of them. But smut that's specific to the characters in that story. I feel like a lot of people write generic sex scenes. The same generic porn dialogue. The same generic tab a in slot b stuff. No matter what fandom or characters, it's the same scenes. I don't mean writers need to come up with more creative, weirder, kinkier sex acts. (I'm pro-kink but that's not what I mean.) No a simple blowjob, a handjob, ass fucking, whatever. Even if you're talking about the basics those things shouldn't be generic. All sex shares some basic building blocks, but the sex you have with different partners is different! If the smut could be cut/pasted into any fic, that's boring. That's why people talk about skipping over smut scenes. It's because it's the same scenes we've all read before. It's because it's like you've stopped telling your story to "INSERT SMUT HERE" instead of making the smut part of the story.

What's actually hot is thinking about how these characters, these very individual and specific ones, would get each other off. So what I love to see in smut are little things, little intimacies that feel specific to these two people. I like it when the way they're talking to each other and touching each other and turning each other on feels specific to them, and also specific to the situation. Like in Sleight of Hand the first blowjob Eddie gives Steve is a very different vibe from the first blowjob Steve gives Eddie, and it's because those are different characters in different situations. Just... Specificity.

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of Sleight of Hand?

Yeah, some of the ones I can remember... There was a thing where Eddie finds the nail bat. There was going to be a thing where Eddie and Jonathan talk, and Eddie asks him if he's ever worried Nancy will go back to Steve. There was going to be a thing where Steve and Eddie fuck on ecstasy. I took a thing with everybody at the diner out of chapter 18. IDK lots of things. Most of them never got fully written anyway, but I had like four or five versions of the nail bat scene. In the end I needed Eddie trusting Steve to put on the cuffs, and no matter how I tried to write it, it just introduced too much doubt. I spent a few days writing all these versions trying to get them back to status quo by the end so I could get on with the rest of the fic. But I was trying to force it so it wouldn't affect the rest of the plot, and that always plays false.

Since I'm already all up in my cut folder, here's a DVD deleted scene. It was going to be either when they're going to Dustin's or when they're going to the lake. Either way it doesn't work.

---

“Um, Steve?” Eddie says. “Why is there a bat with fucking nails through it in your trunk?” Ah. Steve had sort of forgotten that was back there. Eddie hefts it in his hand, and swings it experimentally. “This is like post-apocalyptic, man. It’s like Snake Plissken shit.” He looks at the nail end more closely. “Does this have blood on it?”

Not human blood. Steve takes the bat out of Eddie’s hand and puts it back in his trunk. Closes it like if he can’t see it, Eddie will forget about the whole thing. He grasps desperately for a believable lie. It’s for emergencies? It’s for car trouble? Self-defense? “It was for Halloween,” is what he comes up with.

“Halloween was forever ago,” Eddie says skeptically. “Why’s it still in your trunk?”

“I forgot it was there.”

Eddie keeps looking at him, sharp-eyed. Seeing right through him. “What costume was it?”

Jesus. If this is going to be a whole interrogation, Steve’s not going to hold up under questioning. “That guy,” he tries. “Snake Pimpkin?”

Eddie snorts. “You know I can tell when you’re lying, right? You’re fucking bad at it.”

“Can we go?” Steve says. “You can keep bugging me in the car if you want.”

“I’m not bugging you,” Eddie says, but he gets into the passenger’s seat. Thank God. Steve quickly follows and starts pulling out so Eddie can’t change his mind. “It’s a little weird that you have an apocalypse bat,” Eddie says. ”But it’s very, very weird you’re lying about it.”

“You lie about stuff.”

“Not stuff like- Weapons.” He frowns. “Is it- Billy? Or those guys?” Steve tightens his grip on the steering wheel. Eddie looks at him disbelieving. “You’re really not gonna tell me?”

What if Steve just said it. Just- Monsters are real. They killed Barb. They killed that guy who worked at the Radio Shack. Maybe Eddie would believe him. He’s into all that fantasy stuff. He knows what a demogorgon is. At least the version in his D&D books. But- Monsters in books is different. Steve doesn’t know if he could tell it well enough to make Eddie believe him when it sounds fucking crazy. Demodogs and government conspiracies and possessed little kids and underground tunnels and things coming out of the fucking walls… Hell, he barely believed it himself the first time, and he actually saw it.

Steve looks at him, agonized.

”Wow,” he says. “You’re really not. I’m-” Eddie pulls some of his hair in front of his mouth, looking at Steve like he’s never seen him before. Studying him. “I think- I need a minute to adjust here.”

“What do mean- Adjust.”

“I mean this is bigger, and it’s fucking weirder, than the kind of secret I thought you were capable of keeping. So if I was wrong about that-” He shrugs. “Who fucking knows.”

“So you can’t trust me if I don’t tell you,” Steve says. “But if I do, you won’t fucking believe me.”

“You don’t know I wont believe you.”

“I wouldn’t,” Steve mutters. He looks over at Eddie. “I don’t- Ask you about your mom or your dad or-” Or where you learned to suck cock or why you don’t want me to tell you how I feel about you.

Something hard ticks over Eddie’s face. “Yeah?” he says. “And I don’t ask you where your bruises come from, or why you have nightmares so bad you came looking for me in the first place, or why you’re not okay even though you keep fucking saying you’re okay-”

“I get it,” Steve breaks in.

“I’d say we’re pretty even on the mind your business front.” Eddie kicks at the footwell, his arms crossed defensively. Steve keeps his eyes on the road. He doesn’t- He can’t think of anything to say. To make it better. “We all have our secrets,” Eddie finally says, relenting. “You can have yours. But this feels different.”

“I want to tell you,” Steve says. “But it sounds crazy. And I can’t- Prove it.” And the gate is closed. “And the reason I have that,” Steve says. “It’s gone now.”

Eddie cocks his head. “If it’s gone, why is the bat still in your trunk?”

Steve swallows, jaw clenching. Why does he still have the bat? He knows why. He just- Tries not to think about that. He dips his head in acknowledgement. “Because, I don’t believe it’s really gone. For good.”

Eddie rubs at his face with his hands, looking up at Steve a little wild in the eyes. “None of this is inspiring faith, man.”

“If the reason I have that bat ever becomes a- Thing you need to know about. If it does ever come back, I’ll tell you everything, I promise,” Steve says. “Can you trust me?”

Eddie looks at him for a long moment, looks at him like he’s trying to see all the way inside him. And then gives a one shouldered shrug. “Fine. Keep your secrets."

#writing #ask game #my fic: sleight of hand #deleted scenes

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mariellewritesalot · 5 months

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It's my 9th anniversary on Tumblr 🥳 (since December 2014)

Almost a decade, wow! Excelsior by mariellewritesalot is a writing blog I started as a teenager to fully embrace the fact that I wanted to become a writer. I wanted my own "website" or at least a home for my words. "Excelsior" is my favorite word, and I was a bit obsessed with it back then, given that it meant going ever upward. "mariellewritesalot" was just something I thought of while watching cartoons where one of the characters had "a lot" attached to their name (I believe it was Sir Yipsalot). I could cringe, but honestly, I'm not too bothered enough to change it. Maybe it's part of its charm.

Suffice it to say, this has been my longest relationship so far, haha. We've had our ups and downs, terrible lulls of writer's block when I would be too busy with life or too paralyzed with fear that I'm not good enough to actually post something here.

I started writing early on because I was the kind of child who read everywhere and owned a Kindle since I was 12. I joined essay contests and wrote fan fiction until I was in the middle of my teenage years. I loved Total Girl Philippines, and eventually became a Jr. TG Staff Writer for one week in the summer of 2012. I won a Palanca when I was in senior high school. I dabbled, of course, in campus journalism for many years. Editor-in-Chief for some publications. I wrote news, features, opinions...even UAAP sports! I then created a Facebook page for my blog to expand my audience. I was fortunate enough to land a spot in UP Diliman where I took a certificate course on Malikhaing Pagsulat sa Filipino (loved working on my Filipino writing skills) and eventually, my Bachelor of Arts degree in Philippine Studies, where I also majored in History. I wrote my undergraduate thesis on Filipino food in Filipino-American restaurants based in the United States, guided by my love for Doreen Fernandez essays and curiosities about the diaspora; so I could also help these restaurants map out their histories. During the pandemic, I worked on a practice Young Adult novel called, Don't Write Me Off.

I started working freelance and interning for some publications like PhilStar Life and Esquire Philippines. I've been a part of college organizations in UP Diliman, where I honed my skills in leadership, writing, and research so that I may be able to do talks and workshops about writing in different schools and provinces in the Philippines. Last year, I became a Creative Nonfiction fellow for the 61st Silliman University National Writers Workshop, which has been a dream of mine since, well, I was in high school and deeply obsessed with 'the scene.' I got to belong with my chosen family in the fellows with whom I shared the once-in-a-lifetime experience in Dumaguete. We have since joined the Cebu Art Fair last year with our zine, Saudade: A Study on Longing, which features two of my works. As a collective, we're always collaborating on something. Watch this space!

Nowadays, I'm living somewhere in Spain, and I'm working on my first book. It's a collection. It's (too) vulnerable. I think you'll like it. I believe that I will probably be in pursuit of more knowledge and skills as a writer for the rest of my life, so despite my wanting to be a mysterious private person, I think you'll be hearing (reading?) a lot from me on various platforms. Hopefully.

While we're here, I have something new. Since we're losing Tinyletter next month, which was where I used to send out my newsletter of truly vulnerable, exclusive pieces, I have decided to "move houses" and finally join Substack. I'm going to talk about some facets of my life here in Spain, food, and the usual prose. Essentially, a lot of my stuff will be free to read there, but I would appreciate pledges if you can. I will still update my Tumblr from time to time, of course, seeing as this is my main site. No worries!

This year, I'm also going to work on creating an Instagram account for my writing. I have beautiful plans I can't wait to share with you. I'm hoping you'll come along for the ride.

Thank you, lovers, for this milestone.

Always,

Marielle

#9 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone #mariellewritesalot #marielle fatima tuazon

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oceanoecielo · 10 months

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▸ anonymous ⟶ ❛ [ mulberry ] what tips would you give someone with writer's block? / [ coral ] give a shoutout to one of your favorite blogs. ❜ ╱ ( colorful interview , accepting . )

ha! you are probably not going to like this answer at all, but the best advice i have for someone with writer's block is to keep writing. that's honestly what i do, just content myself with writing poorly for a while until it becomes good again.

some quotes from a book on writing i'm currently reading that speak to me personally and are more like preaching at the choir than anything: "Simply put, the key to being a better writer is to write. […] Write like crap if you have to. But write every day. […] Don't write a lot. Just write often. […] Spending five hours on a Saturday writing isn't nearly as valuable as spending 30 minutes a day every day of the week."

i'm An Insane Person who treats writing much more like a discipline than an art. rp is not a job, that's true, but if you only write when ~the stars & muse align perfectly~ and you ~feel up to it~, you're going to find yourself in those slumps easily and often. that's my opinion on it, anyway.

for example, i've found that i rarely have the motivation to answer ooc asks like this one, and it results in these asks sitting in my inbox for long periods of time. so i've started to discipline myself and say, "ok 6-6:30pm every day is my Miscellaneous Writing time, where i force myself to write something that's not an rp reply for once." that's why you're finally seeing an answer to this ask. it's not bc i ~magically found the motivation~; it's bc i closed down all my other programs at 6pm and started writing it.

also, bc rp isn't a job, if you have a block with your rp replies in particular, consider dropping some stuff! if you just really really can't come up with an answer to a thread, there's no harm in pitching it in the bin, which is honestly something i need to get better at doing.

also from the book i'm reading, called everybody writes: your go-to guide to creating ridiculously good content, which is more about marketing but which i am reading to pick and choose stuff to apply to my own creative process… another suggestion i've seen is to put some distance between yourself and your work. spend an hour showering, cleaning, making food, w/e. whatever you need to do to clear your mind out a li'l bit. and then come back to it. "An hour with a clear mind is worth five hours of fog." and i've found that advice does help me, too. today, i didn't feel much up to writing, so i got up, did my laundry, and then came back to my word document and immediately spat out 500 words, which was much more productive than staring at my screen for 4 hours, slowly dribbling out a sentence at a time.

/////

aughdkgjks i'm gonna shout out multi! @troublewithvampires / @gas-stxtion / @bleedingovereden

they're a really good friend of mine, and i'm glad i got to meet them! they're really good at plotting, and they have a lot of interesting muses / stories that they put a lot of effort into, and i don't think they have enough followers tbh! our muse dynamics are never a miss, and they've got such a colorful cast that there's a little something there for everybody, and i think it's kind of a shame that so much of the rpc is sleeping on them

#grounded. 『 ooc 』#lately‚ i'm feeling like a big bang. 『 answered 』#anonymous

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skiesandflowerss · 1 year

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sky, i am kind of going through a writer's block and it is bothering me. do you have any ideas that i can write on? any prompts? and pov's you'd like to read that i can write? any emotion that i can write on? and fictional scene? anything? any ideas are welcomed! but of course, no pressure to come up with ideas if that'd cost you lots of energy and time. you can choose to ignore this ask as well, no problem at all. thank you. <3

and i hope you are doing well! and, also, life update. i got done with almost all of my interviews last month, so i have been very free and living these slow days without any care. it's been fun ngl but some days i get a little sad because of the lack of events in my life. anyway, next month it'd be decided which college i'd be going to for my post grad. i really really hope i get a good one! :" and i read and watched a couple of things during this free period, and they were all so good. makes me fall in love with life when i come across things that capture all my attention and make me appreciate art and the people behind it. :")

Imaaa, I don't know if i will be able to help you much here cause I haven't picked up a book to read in a while and honestly my mind is all blank these days but I do have some suggestions or lines or povs you might can write on, I hope they help you:

'You're far away,' she says, returning you to the present. 'Don't hide from me.'

You have never loved from a distance, but then you have never known love like this. You want to tell yourself, and her, that it will be OK, that nothing will change, but you don't know.

You are ending the summer, wondering how it is possible to miss someone before they have gone. There are lives moving around you but they are of little concern.

Have you ever been afraid of what lies within you, what you're capable of?

You can't live in a vacuum. And when you let people in and you make yourself vulnerable, they're able to have an effect on you. If that makes sense.'

To live with other people is to be responsible for protecting them from your moods.

It was so gorgeous that it almost felt like sadness.

Maybe I was afraid of seeing anything as absolute. I wanted to keep moving, like a stream, and I wanted to go on watching everything from a distance.

Truly happy memories always live on, shining. Over time, one by one, they come back to life.

I've always been like that—if I'm not pushed to the brink, I won't move.

What a pain I thought, wondering why everyone felt such a need for reassurance.

(Ps: these are all quotes from the books I read last year and also I read a book Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson last year which kind of gave me many ideas to write on like this book helped me write quite vividly and this book is hardly of 130 pages so I would suggest you to give it a read in your spare time, I think it will help you come out of the block)

and I'm doing fine, my exams are close so I'm not doing any extra activity which is basically reading these days but yeah and glad to hear that you are finally over your a-little-stressful-cum-eventful-days and do enjoy your mellow days and summers are here so do have a fun time attempting activities that can attract your creative brain and yes you have had quite a busy month so do relax and take care of yourself. Hoping that you get to choose your desired college and have a great time pursuing your masters. Sending you positivity, hugs and sunshine 🌻🌻🌻

(another ps: I will keep adding lines or prompts as I get time and ideas)

#imaaa my pretty little amazing writer #hope you get over this block as soon as possible #have a memorable summer #have a memorable time in college too #writing prompt #skiesandflowerss

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fuj0wuj0 · 7 months

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HIHIIHIHI!! First off, omg your blog theme or whatever it's called looks amazing! Obi looking cute af 😌😌 Second of all, how are you? I saw you were in art block- I hope you're able to incinerate it to ashes soon :0 Also saw your post about writing 👀 Working on anything you'd be willing to share about? If not that's totally okay! I hope your day/night goes wonderfully! <3

OMG HI GALE!!! AND THANK YOU!!!! He's literally just a little guy <33

I'm also very glad you noticed, I was supposed to make a post about it but forgot lmao -w-" I'm good!! Decided to just take a creativity break and play some games while I recharge, I'm in no rush x) He he <3 Well...To be honest, after looking through my old writing I feel like half of what I got right now will have to be heavily reworked "X) But I'm finally back to the basics! Like writing the whole plot outline! So the book actually has.......well, sense!! But here's a short snippet of Gem and Astoria's first meeting! I really love that scene, their dynamic is everything to me~

(Warning: Pretty long!)

As he crawled along the tile on all fours trying to get the smallest of dust spots off the floor he heard the heavy door shrieking from behind. The passage opened only slightly, as if trying not to raise suspicion. Unfortunately the walls, empty and vast, carried the sound with an impact right into the cleaning demon’s long ear. Without a thought, he panicked and grabbed the broom.

He held it as if the cleaning utensil in his hands suddenly transformed into a dual-wielding sword. With a slight tremble in his voice, he let out a small shout.

“Who’s there!”

Silence was his only response, and yet he persisted, getting some confidence from the rational thoughts that rushed back into his head.

This unexpected visitor was bound to be a small fry! Afterall, no experienced tough guy would dare to attack the Ostraz Guild so frivolously!

It’d be a death wish, guaranteed!

Gem has once again felt the confidence of being the sole dictator of the rules in his world as he threatened the invisible in the local dialect.

“Ai, you know you’re not gonna get very far, right? Do you know where you are? They’ll tear you to shreds if they find ya! Shoo, shoo! And close the door behind ya. I don’t want any leaves on my freshly swept floor!”

No response yet again. Gem could only sigh and lazily turn away to alert someone more capable of handling the unexpected visitor.

But just as he was about to put the broom down, dust seeped into his eyes and lungs, temporarily blinding him!

Unable to open his eyes, he fell into a coughing fit. In an involuntary gesture the broom in his hand performed a broad swoop before landing near his leg.

The motion turned out to be quite the combat technique, as Gem heard a loud thump on the floor right beside him. A pained “oww” could be heard amidst the fit.

Without a second to spare Gem blindly grabbed the young delinquent who fell under his attack.

This current body of his seemed more capable than he thought, as he found himself keeping the figure in place without much effort.

He looked at the delinquent in his arms, blinking the dust out of his eyes.

The hall has already darkened significantly, but Gem could roughly see the intruder in the night.

A young girl of a light-blue complexion tossed fiercely in his grip, doing her best to get away.

Gem could see a dark bruise on her face, covered by the pitch-black strands sticking to her forehead. The low buns of her hair were messed up from running and the golden paint on her face smudged significantly. Despite that, her dark eyes flashed a familiar streak of the pure white iris.

“Let..me…go!” The fierce youngling wagged around, shouting childish obscenities at him.

“I’m gonna tell uncle you hit me! I’ll tell him and he’ll kill you for it!!”

“I hit you!?” Gem argued back to the roughed up child. “You’re the one who blinded me and then walked straight into a broom! Not only did you assault me, you also seem stupid!!”

“I’m not the stupid one!” She pouted. “Who cleans floors so late in the night?! Stupid, blind pirate, can’t see the sun is down already!?”

Knowing he doesn’t really have a way to counter, the “blind pirate” decided to cut their polite exchange short.

As he dragged the disobedient child towards the stairs her tone suddenly shifted from aggressive to pleading.

“Waah, pirate brother, let’s talk, let’s talk! Don’t tell uncle I snuck out, let’s compromise!”

“Oh, now you want to talk?” Gem snorted, already tired of the brat in his hands. “And what incredible deal could you strike for me to NOT deliver you to… who’s your uncle?”

She obediently lowered her head, knowing her only way of winning was through pleading.

“Uncle Azaroth….You know him….”

…Oh.

Oh, yeah, they really did look similar, now that she mentioned it.

#Hehe...Thanks for the ask Gale! x)#ask #writing #fantasy #HGR #fuj0

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fullmoondagger · 2 years

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WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY LATEST ART BLOCK ABOUT CREATIVITY AND EXISTING AS AN ARTIST:

Hi so Hi I'm Fullmoon and I'm a digital artist and a writer (@fullmoondaggers-art) and from last november/december to april/may I have been in a mortifying creative block that was AGONIZING to say the least. My art's back now although it's at a very small pace but . I'm free ! (or back into my cage?)

I'm making this post mostly for myself but also to share this experience with others because that may be interesting or helpful? Please do take everything uder the cut with a grain of salt I’m merely a creature spilling thoughts about my own experiences and ideas . Love and Light

Some people may scoff at me because 6/7 months of art block may be nothing to them but it was a LOT for me- I never had such a long period of no art juice and it was very disorienting and horrifying.

For as long as I've been able to hold a pen and had to survive through the torture that is school, I've been drawing. All day long, everyday. Doodles on the edges of my notebooks, on scraps of paper when teachers took away my notebooks, and on my arms when the teachers took away my scraps of paper. I drew my little characters, then my little ponies, and I will forever look back at how terrifyingly productive I was in 2016. How did I manage to put out a fully lined and colored drawing almost every day after school ? While gay?

Jokes asides I've always drawn, and fast. Everyone seems impressed with how fast I draw, myself included.

(WHAT do you mean you drew this in 8 hours? wtf Luke)

And I used to draw all the time. When I wasn't playing games or watching shows, I was drawing.

And all of the sudden, it stopped. Creativity juices stopped flowing. Might have been caused by some personal events, and me stepping out of a fandom to other interests that is feeding me less in terms of nooks in which my art fungus can grow (the BATIM fandom rules. Genuinely. Legacy of Kain also has so much to offer), but either way, I was entering a very uncreative moment in my journey as an artist.

It hit hard !

I was getting anxious about opening SAI. I was getting anxious at plugging my tablet in my laptop. I could NOT do anything creative. Even when I got short spurs of ideas I would just give up and close the program, because it wasn't worth it anyways, no one would care, no one would want what I had to give, because my art didn't look professional or didn't stand out as much as it should. I was very deep set in the idea that uploadable art was fully lined and colored, colored sketches could be acceptable under some strict criteria. Let's not even talk about fic, I'm still very much a beginner, and the topics I like to write about aren't very elevated anyways.

1- THE ART OF TRICKERY

Brains are mischievous little machines, but once you understand that you're above it, it's nothing but a roach under your heel. I had to redirect my creative drive to something else than art and writing, so I tried my hand at HTML, a tiny pathetic bit of 3D modeling, painting patches for my jacket etc.

SAI and Tablet were making me anxious? Well, What about mouse and MS Paint? Why not try Adobe Flash ? Pencils and watercolor makes you shit? Ballpen and scrap paper. Grow up. This cool artist uses Paint 3D to work, why not give it a shot? Try some new ways of sketching, new fun art styles to mess with.

(Animated on Adobe Flash as a little test, I had a lot of fun !)

It was baby steps towards some recovery, and it did help ! It took me a while, but I was finally able to open SAI and draw and ENJOY it.

2- THE ART OF SEEING YOURSELF

What do I create for?

I draw for myself, for my horny little ideas, my cool character designs, to get out some funny things that are inside my head, to put my favorite characters in situations, to make them look hot as shit. I draw for other people too, sharing is important and vital as a fandom artist on the Internet. I want my art to be seen and enjoyed by other people who also enjoy what I'm creating about. I make to share, I don't want most of my art to be seen by only myself. I don't draw for fame, although being mildly known in my tiny little niche communities would be nice! It's not something that I cling to too tightly.

What is my artist identity ?

Early 2000's cartoons, 90's Anime, 2010's Internet, Art Nouveau, 1930's cartoons, Symbolism, Medieval art, BDSM/Kink, some French Comics, throw it all in a blender, and you get a blurry image of me.

Things are a bit difficult here. I don't feel like I have an "art style". I love to try new things, new techniques, new shapes. My art pieces rarely resemble each other, which is something I'm very self conscious about and I'm learning to accept. The thing is, every other artist around me has that Thing that makes their work so recognisable, and I don't feel like my art has that "Oh, that's Fullmoon" spark. At first I thought something was wrong with me, but I think it's really only a matter of perspective, I don't see it because I don't have the step back from my work to do that.

I wish I knew what makes me unique as an artist, but also I don't think it matters that much.

3- THE ART OF NOT GIVING A SHIT

(Little edit I smashed together somewhere near the peak of my art block, just because I wanted to see Applejack and Arthur Morgan hanging out. I think they’d be besties)

Art block taught me to Let Go. I couldn't draw anymore, and I felt like I was free from something that had been cursing me for so long but also completely lost without my shackles. I didn't really have an outlet for my Needs to fidget and make things and share them, and I was feeling like I would never be back to where I used to be in art. But also I knew it was cyclical, just like everything else in life is, and everything would fall back in place in due time. Sometimes you need to not give a shit if something turns out ugly or unperfect or never gets finished ever. keep them tucked in a corner and pull them out when you feel like you could have a better shot at them. It's OK to give up ! If you don't feel it's right, if you're not enjoying the process, just Let Go. If you're enjoying it regardless, just keep on going, the beauty of creation is that it's about fun and discovery. Nothing is eternal, and projects come back from the dead.

(Original idea from my art block VS when I picked it back up when i got my power back, lineart done on Adobe Flash because SAI was still too intimidating to me, and also lining on Flash is FUN)

4- WHAT DID THIS BRING ME

I think I have a very different approach to making art now. I don't draw every day, but It doesn't weigh on me that much anymore, as it should. I make things for fun, I don't want to aim for a masterpiece every time I pick up my tablet and turn the music playlist up. I draw whatever I want to, because I'm in impossibly niche communities anyway, so whoever will see it will see it, and I love them for that. I'm able to let things sit for a while and pick them back up later, which is VERY HARD for me in general. Maintaining a brand is bullshit and will kill you.

I’ve been writing again as well, and while I don’t think it’s too important, it’s fun !!

I have fun making things and learning things, and I have discovered new things I probably wouldn’t have gotten otherwise;

- I can roughly animate on Flash !

- I have a website I wrote myself !

- Painting on fabric is very fun actually !

- So much anime and manga. God

- I can sit back and feel Okay about not being an art machine !

I say that as a horrid little hater, but I think it's so important as an artist to cherish and adore everything you make. Give passion to the world and it will give it back to you in other ways. Play Soul Reaver

#dagger.txt #ok to reblog I guess #very messy but its just raw thoughts

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