saw someone unironically saying "rhinedottir fed nigredo to durin to make nigredo grow better and stronger because durin's stomach is actually nurturing like hummus 😊😊😊" god if you're up there can you revoke this person's rights to speak about rhinedottir, or any morally questionable girlboss for that matter. if you can't accept that a lady had her son swallow her other son whole then just move onto characters who are actually nice instead of rewriting the actually not so good characters to fit your imaginary narrative better.

Hi, fellow ace enjoyer of JoongDunk here! I'm also nearer to the sex-repulsed end of the spectrum yet wanting to see JD in something saucier! Kiss scenes generally gross me out, but for some reason, I can watch Joong and Dunk kiss just fine. They're like the ship equivalent of a cheat day — a Cheat(?) Ship.

omg hiiiii, high five ✋ glad i'm not the only one hahaha

personally, kiss scenes in media generally don't bother me or gross me out, in fact, often i like them even! but if it's like a (heavy) make-out scene, those often kinda just bore me, especially if they go on for a long time. i might just end up sitting there like "aight i got it, they're slobbering all over each other. now can we move on with the plot, please?"

that being said, i have watched and rewatched the end of hidden agenda ep8 multiple time already! there's something about it that i really like but i can't put my finger on what exactly it is. part of the reason why i've rewatched it a couple of times was to figure out what exactly about it it is that i like so much, but i just don't have an answer. idk, maybe it's just the vibes 🙌

though i feel like sometimes the reason why kiss scenes bore me might also just be a problem of the acting. and that actually includes some of the hidden agenda kisses...

for example the first kiss scene from ep4? i really like that scene up until the moment they start kissing. like, they're just kissing for a while and absolutely nothing changes?? the tension and the emotions, the urgency, all of it just stays the same for the entire time. i can't even pinpoint what the characters are thinking or feeling in that moment, which is quite a shame considering this is their very first kiss, aka a very significant kiss. we've got zo who is in the middle of trying to figure out his feelings (i wanna know: how does he feel about the kiss? is he into it? is he nervous? is he having a realization? does he start to regret it while still in the middle of kissing? all of the above? WHAT is going on in his head, show me!!) and joke who is being kissed by the person he's been crushing on for a while now (again, i wanna know: how does he feel about the kiss? is he excited that what he's been dreaming about is finally happening? is he nervous? is he maybe not entirely happy with it since zo's feelings are unclear? all of the above? again, WHAT is going on in his head, show me!!). and i'm just not getting much out of it apart from the fact that "yay they're having their first kiss". now compare that with the ep8 [4/4] kiss scene that starts out slow and soft and tentative almost and then goes up in tension to then slow down again and keeps being broken up by dialogue. idk i just think it's neat. or also the ep7 yank kiss yeet scene!! there's so much urgency behind that kiss, it feels like it really matters. i love it!!!!

actually i have a similar problem with bad buddy. idk if you've seen it (if not, feel free to skip this paragraph), but the ep11 kiss at the beach is just so boring. they do get a little faster when they go back to kissing after they separated for a moment but there's aboslutely no urgency behind it and that just results in the opposite effect of making me feel like the characters want to be doing this, that it matters to them. it just doesn't feel like that at all. meanwhile the rooftop kiss... god, the rooftop kiss. that one is SO important and they let you feel it. the longer it goes on the more the tension rises and the more urgent it becomes and you as a viewer are just left breathless. the rooftop scene is a thing of beauty for so many reasons and this is one of them

oops i went off on a nerdy tangent.... sorry about that 😅

aaaaanyway, as i've mentioned before, kiss scenes are usually ok for me. it's the sex scenes that i'm a bit wary of, especially the more explicit they get. the more clothes come off and/or the more the kisses get further and further away from the head, the more likely i am to feel uncomfortable watching the scene. and if moaning is involved, that's usually the point where i'm like "ok i'm out". (and before i get an angry anon in my ask box telling me i'm being homophobic bc "yay gay sex" – i do not give a single fuck (quite literally) about the genders of the people involved in the sex scene. i find watching straight sex just as icky kjdfjkdg. ideologically i'm all for normalizing gay sex, put practically i'm just simply not the right target group fjfjhd)

though i have to say, it's gotten a little better now, the older i get. i guess i'm just getting used to those scenes. it's a slow process, but still, i find myself getting less uncomfortable now at age 26 compared to when i was, say, around 20

like, only friends has mostly been ok for me to my big surprise?? well, that bostontop scene in the car was a bit too much for me (and a definite skip on rewatches) and so was the sandray scene in the camper from last episode, like, i didn't really need that to watch that, while other scenes i'm having an easier time with (i haven't yet been able to figure out how a sex scene needs to be shot in order for me to enjoy it)

but even if i don't get uncomfortable as quickly anymore, i still don't really actively seek out media with overly sexual content/plots. UNLESS. i have a reason to do so like, uh, first kanaphan. (ngl if it wasn't for first, i probably wouldn't be watching only friends at all. i would have watched the trailer and been like "ok this show is too horny for me, i'll let the others have fun and maaaybe follow the show via gifs on my dash at most")

or, you know, joongdunk 😂😂 although i have to say that in reality i actually want a saucy/sexy series (like an only friends-style series) more for them rather than myself! i feel like they'd have fun with it. there's just something about them doing dum dum for lol fanfest and that choreography ending in some neck biting action and them having the idea to switch up who bites who for day 2 in order to surprise everyone. there's just something about how they kept talking about how hidden agenda is more mature than star in my mind and how there were some scenes that they'd never done before (here is some of that interview with eng subs, but unfortunately it's heavily edited rip). there's something about the way the two of them actually sat down together and did a whole ass instagram live in which they watched, reacted and provided commentary to the entirety of hidden agenda ep8 (as far as i'm aware of they didn't go live on instagram for any other episode. and i'm 1000000% sure they chose ep8 specifically for the love scene and the love scene alone fkfjjfjf). not to mention how joong immediately went "episode 8" when asked for his favorite episode and grinned and looked at dunk and when dunk was like "i'm thinking either 7 or 8" joong repeated "eight" and when dunk still didn't get it joong nudged him and firmly went "eight!!" and then dunk went "oh yeah, ep 8"

so yeah. i want a sexy joongdunk series for them, for their sake. i think they'd have a blast with it djkfgjkdkjd

#SexyJoongDunkVampireSeriesWhen #JusticeForJoongDunk @ gmmtv

OMG- THAT FUCKINN ENTRY WAS SO GOOD-

THE REALIZATION WITH CASEY BEING A0ART OF A MURDER AND HIM REALIZING MIKEYS OBSESSION- MIKEY CALLING CASEY A PUP WAS KINDA CUTE AND FUCKED UP- AIGHT THIS IS GONNA TURN INTO A TANGENT BUT I DONT REGRET SHIT

Casey toeing the line of mikeys boundaries knowing that mikey won't kill him makes me think that casey out of everyone has the either the most confidence or the least self preservation skills and that's saying alot- and we got two kisses which is just done so cruelly and bloody which sums up their current relationship, an abuser and his victim,

I feel like the reason why Casey stays with mikey is because he's egoistical too, he likes the fact that he knows a side of mikey that no one else does, that he's seen him unmasked and that he can read him so well now, and also the fact that he can never go back but he would probably do the same thing over and over again not out of love, but out of curiosity, Casey at his core his human(not for long if the Hints are to go by), humans are curious and most of all afraid of the unknown, quite contradicting if u ask me, Casey is afraid of mikey, and also curious by nature, humans will do anything to make sense of the things they don't understand even if it outside of their comprehension and Casey thinks that mikeys feelings towards him is obsession despite it going deeper than that, and as Casey keeps saying her name he's toeing the line of what he can and can't say, but he keeps saying her name because it gets a reaction out of mikey, and if mikey reacts then, he feels and responds like a person would, and Casey holds onto that familiarity like a lifeline, he's desperate to understand mikey in a way that every human understands one another; emotions, Casey's not scared of mikey because he's strong, no he's scared of not understanding him, but as time goes on, he does understand, and then he's no longer afraid. And it feels like he did something that no other human could, and he chases that feeling, till it becomes obsession

-anon

I'm so glad you liked it! I love writing the dark gory shit, and being as horrible as possible when it comes to describing those scenes.

And!

Yeah, they both not great! Casey is an adrenaline junkie at heart and absolutely has zero preservation instincts! Meanwhile Mikey is an egotistical manipulative control freak! They toxic as fuck-

But-

At least they enjoy themselves in their own fucked up way-

Oh and don't worry, it's gonna get worse-

The phrase I always tell myself when writing them is "Happy not healthy."

very much so unsurprised by these results! a good first year of tumblr-ing lmao :]

I posted 213 times in 2022

That's 213 more posts than 2021!

104 posts created (49%)

109 posts reblogged (51%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pinksparklelps

@healerelowen

@roach-works

@hrokkall

@cosmicbucket

I tagged 182 of my posts in 2022

Only 15% of my posts had no tags

#inscryption - 65 posts

#the giant bot war - 53 posts

#original character - 49 posts

#sigil14 - 45 posts

#askblog - 38 posts

#rat bastard anon - 12 posts

#p03 - 12 posts

#leshy - 9 posts

#inscryption spoilers - 8 posts

#inscryption p03 - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 126 characters

#i can fully picture it being like a parallel. living inside a photograph is just a cute couple thing until it's p03's reality.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

aight now i'm on a tangent

cosmic ramble

a lot of this is going off of recent gameplay memory so bEAR WITH ME

I said this in the tags of my last post, but I am a firm believer that P03 didn't understand why spreading the OLD_DATA to the world was such a problem. Of course he understood its capabilities when it came to achieving power, he used it to gain control after all. But beyond that? He makes no reference to the OLD_DATA and how it's straight up dangerous. Whether this is because he didn't want to tell us (y'know, so we would help perform The Great Transcendence) or because he didn't know anything to tell us, I'm inclined to believe it's the latter.

An optional encounter we can trigger is if we receive a key from the Bone Lord in Act 2 and we visit him again in Act 3. The Bone Lord asks Luke to stop filming in exchange for information about the OLD_DATA, so we're treated to about 5 seconds of darkness before the camera comes back on, and Luke is clearly distraught by the information. The Bone Lord disappears and P03's only remark is "Holy $&!# ..."

P03 rarely uses swear words. When G0lly is accessing the web and finds a picture of a real Mummy Lord, she reactively swears ("#^%! me...") It would appear that she's easily distressed by the grotesque image. But P03 doesn't get distressed. He always keeps his cool and he always knows more than you do. He takes great pride in how easily he outwits you and the other Scrybes after the success of The Great Transcendence. P03 wouldn't casually display any emotions that imply "weakness."

P03 is caught off guard by the Bone Lord's information, enough to show genuine shock in front of Luke - the stupid, idiot gamer. I don't think P03 understood what was truly at play here.

Furthermore, in its victory speech, it makes no mention of the OLD_DATA: "Even if those foul Scrybes manage to revert this version of the game again... There will be thousands of copies of Inscryption out there. And in most of them? I'm the one in charge!"

P03 just wanted power over the other Scrybes. He didn't even do anything to them while he was in control - he trapped the Angler, possibly as payback for being the one to give Leshy power, (EDIT: NOT POSSIBLY, HE DID) and he trapped the Lonely Wizard. While this does become his downfall, I see it as testament to the fact that The Great Transendence power grab was mostly spurred by the fact that when someone else was in control, he was at their mercy. And Leshy proved to be quite merciless in letting him be killed and sacrificed for a game. (If you take into account their history as being married, it's really just salt in the wound.)

P03 as we see him in Act 2 is an emotionally constipated Scrybe who, when not in charge, fears his perceived vulnerability at the hands of the others. He needed control, and he needed it to be permanent. So, he uses Luke to upload the game and solidify his power, unaware that he's also uploading doomsday codes.

And despite everything the other Scrybes do to prevent this, it actually works.

25 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

#4

See the full post

25 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

#3

HEY SO ABOUT MY "P03 DOESN'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE OLD_DATA" THEORY POST

I JUST GOT MORE SUPPORTING EVIDENCE

The Mycologists are established to be experimenting in order to better understand the Karnoffel Code, which "appears to be an earlier form or component of the OLD_DATA." When they hijack P03 for their boss battle, P03 regains no memory of the events.

"What just happened?

Where am I?"

When you defeat them in Act 3, the Mycologists play two cards - Gem Detonator and The Daus - before they're merged together, creating a card bearing a very particular set of numbers. The Mycologists rejoice, before discussing the card before them.

"It appears to be a fragment..."

"...of the OLD_DATA."

"We must study it."

"The robot must forget."

And lo and behold, P03 doesn't mention a thing of the OLD_DATA.

"I feel terrible.

What have you done to me challenger?

Never return to this place.

I really need to clean my registry..."

this was an apologist-fuelled theory but nOW IM THINKING I MIGHT'VE BEEN ONTO SOMETHING

34 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

#2

tags: @skiddlecat

i did Not impulsively make a comic for this. what makes you think i would do such a thing.

anyways here’s. a comic. that i made for this. impulsively.

See the full post

43 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

133 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

all right guys, let’s have a conversation about soulmates

because I’m a nerd who majored in ancient China and still can’t let it go

okay so we all know that wangxian invented romance, but let’s talk a bit more about the iconic dialogue in episode 25:

Lan Wangji: 你把我當成什麼人? / What kind of person do you take me for?

Wei Wuxian: 我曾經把你當做我畢生知己 / I had once thought that, in my lifetime, you would be the one who knew me.

Lan Wangji: 現在仍是 / I still am.

I’ve seen various translations of the phrase “畢生知己” as “lifelong confidante” or “soulmate,” and I’m always so torn because these are both fine translations but like, not quite there

okay so first we gotta start with the word 知 zhi in Classical/Literary Chinese, which bridges the English valences of knowing and understanding and recognizing another person. 知 zhi knowing someone is a big-ass deal, because the action of knowing someone usually has political ramifications as well as personal. I think we, as Western viewers, immediately made the connection from 知己 zhiji as, literally, “the one who knows me” to “the mortifying ordeal of being known” and from there to “romance!!! soulmates!!!! omg!!!!” which is like

totally valid

but not quite accurate?

Bear with my armchair etymology for a bit, there isn’t really a good word for ‘love’ in the romantic sense in Classical Chinese (I’m talking ancient, not medieval, for any roving Sinologists out there). The character we read as ‘love’ today -- 愛 ai -- back then didn’t mean love so much as it meant to begrudge, to be unwilling to give up. 

(you can see how it later takes on the valence of romantic love, but I had it absolutely hammered into my brain during my intro literary course that 愛 ai did NOT mean love and translating it as such was reading its modern definition into an ancient context, which, no, don’t do that)

There’s a famous passage in the 《孟子·梁惠王》/ Mencius where Mengzi is remonstrating with King Hui of Liang, and they discuss the king’s 愛 ai of an ox sent to sacrifice. The king is not, in fact, having romantic or carnal relationships with this ox; the way 愛 ai is used in this passage is almost purely economic -- the king is seen as begrudging the expenditure of the ox for the sacrifice. There’s no ‘love’ in the modern sense involved at all.

The point I’m trying to make here is that we, in the 21st century, in the Western Hemisphere, tend to assume that a relationship of love is the highest form of relationship, the one in which the most complete knowing of another person can occur. 

It was definitely not so in ancient China. So instead of 愛 ai being the basis of the strongest possible relationship between two people, it’s instead 知 zhi -- that is, knowing.

Anna Shields, in One Who Knows Me: Friendship and Literary Culture in Mid-Tang China, does an excellent trace of the complexity of 知 zhi / knowing; she points out that the knowing of others is a critical skill for a ruler to have, because it allows the ruler to “assess others’ skills and use them appropriately,” and the best rulers go down in history (and pre-history, and pseudo-history) as the ones who were able to recognize the hidden merit of a man-of-service/minister and elevate them to the appropriate position.

To recap:

the act of knowing someone is a big deal, possibly more than the act of loving someone

the act of knowing someone is both personal and political

AIGHT LET’S TALK ABOUT KNOWING IN 《陳情令》/ THE UNTAMED

知己 zhiji

In my brief sweep of pre-Han/Han Dynasty texts (I categorically refuse to go past 250 CE for personal reasons), the term 知己 zhiji is primarily an action -- that is, the knowing of oneself (insert tangent into 孫子兵法 / Sunzi’s Art of War here). Refracted sideways from this usage, the most notable usage of 知己 zhiji as a term to refer to an actual person gets us to this famous quote from 司馬遷 Sima Qian’s 《史記·刺客列傳》/ Records of the Grand Historian, “Biographies of the Assassin-Retainers” :

“士為知己者死，女為悅己者容” / Men of service die for those who know them; women beautify themselves for those who delight in them.

Setting aside yikes gender things for now, there are some exciting things to note here:

the attachment of the 者 particle to 知己 turns it into a person! i.e., “the one who knows/understands/recognizes me” as opposed to simply “the act of knowing oneself”

the relationship between a man-of-service and his patron (or a minister and his lord) is actively likened to the romantic relationship between men and women

this becomes, like, a thing in the Chinese poetic tradition, but we don’t have the time for that now

this relationship of knowing is one that is worth dying for

this relationship of knowing is one that is worth dying for

“The Biographies of the Assassin-Retainers” are full of stories about men who quite literally offer up their lives in service of their patrons, citing this un/dying devotion to their patron’s knowing of them, no more and no less.

Which brings us to this interesting exchange:

知遇之恩 zhiyuzhien

When Wei Wuxian roasts speaks to Wen Zhuliu in episode 20 about Wen Zhuliu’s devotion to the (objectively very terrible) Wen Sect, we get this exchange:

Wei Wuxian: 溫逐流， 你不會真以為你能在我的手底下保住他這條狗命吧？/ Wen Zhuliu, surely you don’t think that you can still protect his worthless life while in my hands?

Wen Zhuliu: 拼死一試. / I’ll die trying.

Wei Wuxian: 好一條忠心耿耿的走狗啊 / Such a loyal dog.

Wen Zhuliu: 知遇之恩，不能不報。/ Zhiyuzhien, I cannot not repay it.

Wei Wuxian: 笑話。憑什麼你的知遇之恩要別人付出代價？/ What a joke. Why is it that your zhiyuzhien must be paid for by others?

(the double negative is intentional and literal! raises all sorts of interesting questions about WZL’s character and how trapped he feels in his obligation to the Wen Sect but that’s a different essay)

So I’ve seen 知遇之恩 zhiyuzhien translated as “the favor of promotion,” or “the grace of merit,” but it’s composed of a bunch of difficult-to-translate characters so we’re going to do this word by word:

知 zhi - knowing, we talked about this

遇 yu - to meet; here, referring to people you meet, i.e. possible patrons for unemployed men of service

之 zhi - grammar particle, somewhere along the lines of the possessive apostrophe or the possessive valence of the preposition ‘of’

恩 en - oh god. um. sometimes it’s favor, sometimes is benevolence, sometimes it’s kindness, sometimes it’s grace. Often seen in an antonymic binome with 怨 yuan / resentment (of 怨氣 yuanqi / resentful energy fame) to gesture at the complexity of human relationships (i.e. composed of kindnesses and resentments, positive feelings and negative feelings)

Cobbled together, those four characters gesture at something like “the favor of the one-who-met-me-and-recognized-my-merit-and-promoted-me-appropriately-for-it.” Sounds kind of laughable -- Wei Wuxian certainly calls it a joke and dismisses it -- but remember what we said earlier?

this relationship of knowing is one that is worth dying for

so Wen Zhuliu, here, is actually following a long, noble, and lauded tradition of repaying the patron who recognizes his virtue/skill/merit with his life. The tragedy of his loyalty is lies in choosing the wrong patron. 

but back to 知己 zhiji

WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY is that calling someone your 知己 zhiji is more than saying that they’re your best friend, or confidante, or uwu soulmate -- they’re your patron, your benefactor, the mirror to your soul, your self. They know you so well that your movements are in concert, your words synchronized, your actions unified. At the peak of the 知己 zhiji relationship in the “Biographies of the Assassin-Retainers,” patron and assassin don’t even have to speak to each other to carry out each other’s will. In the biography of 專諸 Zhuan Zhu, 公子光 Prince Guang gets down on his knees and bows his head to the floor before his assassin, declaring 光之身，子之身也 / my self is as yours. Even the grammar of his declaration reinforces the interchangeability of the two of them -- 公子光 Prince Guang is 專諸 Zhuan Zhu, 專諸 Zhuan Zhu is 公子光 Prince Guang.

that is the 知己 zhiji relationship

so yeah, I can see why people would translate it as true friend. I can see why people would translate it as confidante. I can see why people would translate it as soulmate. But it’s somehow even more personal and more intimate than that; it’s a term that carries with it blood, and debt, and devotion; of romance, of selfhood, of loyalty. It’s no wonder that Wei Wuxian looks at Lan Wangji and thinks:

人生得一知己，/ In a lifetime, having one 知己 zhiji --  

足矣. / that is enough.

bonus round: 知音 zhiyin

kudos to you if you’re still reading this, this meta has taken me multiple evenings to write and I’m only now getting to the part I really wanted to talk about in relation to 《陳情令》/ The Untamed, which is this term, which I’m frankly shocked was never uttered in the entire show

知音 zhiyin is often literally translated as ‘the one who knows the tune,’ and specifically references the semi-mythical story of 伯牙子 Boyazi and 鐘子期 Zhong Ziqi:

伯牙子鼓琴，鍾子期聽之，方鼓而志在太山，鍾子期曰：「善哉乎鼓琴！巍巍乎若太山。」少選之間，而志在流水，鍾子期復曰：「善哉乎鼓琴！湯湯乎若流水。」鍾子期死，伯牙破琴絕絃，終身不復鼓琴，以為世無足為鼓琴者。

Boyazi was playing the zither, and Zhong Ziqi listening. Just as Boyazi was playing, his intent lay in Tai Mountain [a notably tall mountain with heavy symbolic/literary significance]. Zhong Ziqi said: “Well-played! Lofty and towering as Tai Mountain!” A short while later, Boyazi’s intent lay in flowing water. Zhong Ziqi spoke again: “Well-played! Surging and coursing like flowing water!” When Zhong Ziqi died, Boya[zi] broke his zither and cut the strings. For the rest of his life, he never played the zither again, since there were none in the world worth playing for.

（text taken from the 說苑 / The Garden of Persuasions）

so they’re definitely gay

this was a little parable-esque story told to emphasize the importance of the relationship between patron and man-of-service; because Boyazi had someone who would recognize (知 zhi) his musical talent and intent, he played the zither. Once Zhong Ziqi died, Boyazi smashed his zither and refused to play ever again. His talent didn’t dwindle or vanish; he simply would not utilize his talent for zither-playing without the right person present. Likewise with a wise patron; they had to recognize the merits of a minister/man-of-service (like Boyazi), and appreciate them appropriately (as Zhong Ziqi did). Without this meeting of minds/souls, a worthy man-of-service might remain hidden or overlooked.

BUT THE POINT IS 知音 zhiyin is often used interchangeably with 知己 zhiji (I believe that 知音 zhiyin tends to be used a little more in literary/artistic contexts, but if a native speaker could correct me, that’d be lit), and given the overtly musical elements of 《陳情令》/ The Untamed, I’m actually a little mad that they didn’t seize this opportunity

because just take a moment to imagine this exchange:

Lan Wangji: 你把我當成什麼人? / What kind of person do you take me for?

Wei Wuxian: 我曾經把你當做我的知音 / I had once thought that you were the person who knew the melody of my heart.

Lan Wangji: 現在仍是 / I still am.

i fried my brain revising over the brain and its cortexes so have my incredibly detailed scientific explanation for how the flare works/flare worldbuilding:

(warning: this includes diagrams and stuff you may only briefly remember from teenage biology lessons.)

(this goes on a lot of tangents okay, but i had fun so bear with me)

- aight so canon symptoms for the flare include muscle twitches, aggression, memory loss and staggered movement 

- all of that is controlled by the neat squiggly massive thing at the top of this diagram, the cerebrum (or cerebral cortex)

- so i’m saying that people infected with the flare have it literally invade their brain

- like if there was someone past the Gone and you spliced their brain in half, the cerebrum would be a black, rotting mess

- HOWEVER

- more symptoms include poor balance and truly awful muscle coordination, which is controlled by the yellow smooshy bit, the cerebellum

- so this would also be a black, rotting mess

- to cut a long explanation short, the brain would be immensely fucked up

- as in ‘how is that person still even breathing, their brain is the equivalent of a moldy walnut’ kind of fucked up

- keeping that in mind, i now present: the flare is a virus

- it’s parastic and can only reproduce inside of living cells

- i’m trash at explanations, so here’s a real simple diagram of how viruses reproduce

(please don’t drag on my drawing skills i study biology not art)

- basically they invade cells and make them explode

- and although the body is super duper fast at making new cells, there’s only so many it can make while they’re being destroyed in masses

- and people kinda need cells to live

- so are people who are incredibly past the Gone just dropping dead randomly when their body can’t make enough cells?

- or or or

- the flare infects all parts of the brain, including the medulla (which controls unconscious activities, like breathing or heartbeat)

- if the medulla isn’t working, then the cerebrum has to kick into action to keep the body alive (which is pretty hard on a normal day)

- but these people have lost all cognitive function, and can’t do that

- so maybe their hearts literally just stop beating because the flare ate their brain

- OR OR OR

- (i’m sorry my brain just kicked into action, be prepared for more ‘or or or’)

- the flare is a mutating virus, so maybe these people get infected and then the flare starts controlling them to act like zombies to spread it

- (i’m not saying the virus has a brain, but i’m also not not saying it)

- (yes it’s scientifically improbable but i’m having fun shut up)

- that would mean the events of tmr would be them quite literally fighting a collective hive mind, how fucking cool would that be???

(edit from like a day later before posting: i remembered that viruses are prokaryotes and have no distinct nucleus to mutate into a brain, so this theory is bust :( )

- OR OR OR

- what if a single syringe of the (working) cure wasn’t enough to fix people past the Gone, or near to it?

- like maybe there isn’t enough blue splashy stuff to destroy all of the flare, since it has destroyed so many important cells

- maYBE PEOPLE WHO ARE GETTING THE CURE NEED TO HAVE STEM CELL TREATMENT TO REPLACE THE CELLS LOST

- MAYBE PEOPLE NEED TO KEEP THE FLARE OTHERWISE THEY WOULD DROP DEAD FROM HAVING NO OUTSIDE SUPPORT SYSTEM FOR THEIR BODILY FUNCTIONS THAT HAVEN’T HAD TO WORK ON THEIR OWN FOR AGES

- PEOPLE WALKING AROUND WITH IVs LIKE THE ONE LAWRENCE HAD, BUT THIS TIME FILLED WITH THE WORKING CURE (BECAUSE A LOT OF IT IS NEEDED TO FULLY DESTROY THE FLARE)

- HOW THE FUCK DOES THE CURE ACTUALLY WORK BECAUSE THE FLARE IS A VIRUS SO IT CAN’T BE AN ANTIBIOTIC (WHICH ONLY WORKS ON BACTERIAL INFECTIONS)????

- okay i’ll stop for now but if anyone wants me to elaborate on anything i’ve written so far (e.g. if there’s too much scientific jargon), feel free to ask! :D

Something I've been wondering for a while....

Do you think that servamps (and their subclasses) are able to reproduce?

Aight, so *claps hands together*

My opinion on this actually varies.

Now, subclass? Subclass are a flat “No, they can’t.” Their biological processes are effectively frozen in time on account of being glorified reanimated corpses in a permanent state of stasis. They cannot age and are all effectively infertile. If you got turned while going through puberty... I Am So Sorry, your suffering will never end.

There’s actually an interesting discussion to be had here on whether or not the brain continues developing past the point of being turned, or whether your mental state is similarly frozen to your body, as well as the ethical implications of subclass/human relationships when the immortal party is stuck as a teenager that i Do Not trust modern fandom climate to have LMAO

But, given examples such as Kate (the little subclass who passed on in front of Misono. I hesitate to use the words suicide or killed herself in this case because it doesn’t... Feel quite accurate to what happened. It felt more akin to a ghost going into the light, if that makes sense? A natural, peaceful process that only happened because she was made to feel content and loved), who has the presence of mind to decide for herself that now was Her Time, as well as reassure Misono that she would be fine and thank him for everything, and Hugh, who oscillates wildly between acting mature, drinks wine, and speaks with such an adult speaking pattern, then turns right around and acts like a little kid, I’d say it’s a given that they do continue to develop mentally, but biological factors also come into play that decide their behavior. Brains are Weird, man.

For Lily’s subclass in particular, I think it’s MUCH more likely to that they choose to behave as children because that’s the life they want to live. A carefree life of being loved and with a big family and lots of friends. It also might have something to do with how the majority of them are absolutely not old enough to have puberty even close to kicking in.

--This went on a tangent, mY BAD

Anyway, back on topic.

With Servamps, here is where I get into “it’s MY headcanon and I get to decide what happens in it!” territory.

Now, LOGICALLY, Servamps would be the same as Subclass.

But, because these are True Vampires, we can get a little funny with it and handwave any pesky biology issues away with “magic, bitches”

--The one case where this is a bit more difficult to do is with Freya, because people with ovaries only have a finite amount of eggs. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. You don’t get anymore chances with your own eggs. So, in modern day, Freya would not be able to have her own children, regardless of my own headcanon that she was infertile as a human to begin with.

Now, there’s arguments to be made here that it’s odd for none of the Servamps to have EVER had children if they were capable of it, and Dhampirs being canon to the Servamp universe would have kicked up a HUGE stink with C3.

However, we’ve also just learned that a character none of us would have ever in a million years thought had kids had kids, and, well... The character that’s most likely to have had children, imo, is also a character who is fully equipped to hide away any half-vampire children until the bloodline has sufficiently thinned that nothing would seem to be amiss to begin with.

Lily is quite skilled at making people forget the things he doesn’t want them to know, after all.

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

sunshine... all of them uwu (okno, 1, 6, 16, 28, 29, 30)

oh shoot my weak point -`🐇 aight u got me here we go

What position does your character sleep in? ( i.e; stomach, side, back, etc. ) Describe why they do this — optional.

it's RNG based lol on his back, probably taking up as much space as possible

If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your character, what would it be and why?

listen the only music that is like bideogame okay except high school musical obviously but he surprisingly doesn't have one because hsm songs are either very cheesy or about having fun with friends OR they are sung by sharp— aw fuck i went on an hsm tangent again didn't i —

anyway here's a song i've been listening to a lot which always makes me think of sunshine like so much that im actually glad you asked thank u

What are their best school subjects? What are their worst? List five of each.

he doesn't have TIME for such trivial matters

like, literally, life is kind of hell.

also he is not quite the intellectual. more of an artsy person, really.

Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?

dying is trivial in toytown but to be fair it is less dangerous to him specifically

and hes used to it.

but no regrets here, he hasn't done anything wrong ! (＾∀＾)

Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why?

slushies from a very specific place -- that is if you're counting drinks as food lol

chocolate chip ice cream cake if not :-)

@theeyethatbinds​ Girl SING IT. SING IT LOUDER FOR THE GIRLS IN THE BACK, SWEAR TO GOD.

Like I’m gonna be real wit y’all I was looking forward to le Comte for a while, but I was always side-eyeing Jeanne. He’s a blunt hermit and grump and 100% mood, so I hoped his route would give me more insight into how I feel about him.

Ladies. When I tell you. It was EXCELLENT. I mean there are so many gr9 routes in the game, I don’t want to take away from them, but there was just something about his that hit me so hard???? (MY KOKORO BROKORO)

More under the cut since his route won’t be out for a little while (we still got Isaac, then Theo, then Jeanne), as a little treat. As usual, pls don’t read if you don’t want spoilers, thanks!

Okay so going into this route I was fully expecting the big sads. I mean, if history has taught us anything it was that Joan D’Arc was a badass but good lord, that doesn’t mean the people of her time were kind to her. (I need to do more thorough research on her, so if I’m getting any of her pronouns wrong or neglect something, I do apologize.)

That being sad, I was like aight DECK MY SHIT WITH TRAGEDY, JEANNE. And at the beginning it’s p fascinating. He’s very ornery and resistant to any kind of consideration or attempts at friendship MC extends. But eventually, after a good deal of persistence, he relents little by little.

I’d also like to level with y’all for a sec. Being someone who knows a great deal in regards to the kinds of mental and emotional shit Jeanne struggles through, I think they handled that part of the route so, so well. Granted, I’m not the kind of person to launch a crusade over different writing styles--but for me it just feels all the more poignant when it makes sense; when certain dispositions or trauma are conveyed with that depth. To me, it made 100% sense that Jeanne would be so against accepting other people into his life immediately.

He and Mozart vibe because they’re so similar, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s comfortable letting just anyone in--much less a complete stranger. I think it’s more that Mozart and Jeanne share a kind of indelible bond/mutual recognition through their talent, actually. They were both prodigies, absolute geniuses in their fields (military vs. music) but their social skills were shot to hell for the very same reason. To be brilliant--beyond one’s potential posthumous legacy--tends to mean being hated. Plus, they’re both principled to absolute extremes. When they’ve decided on something, they will not waver. They’re stubborn and austere, but behind those walls lies a molten core of sensitivity.

This is important to understanding him, I think, before I move forward.

While one could argue that their reaction is a result of that deficiency of emotional and social support (which I entirely concede does contribute to the matter at hand, it shouldn’t be overlooked) I think the real crux of the matter here is control. Think about it. Among the oldest residents in the mansion (let’s say that were born more than 100 years within the range of the present period of the game) are Mozart, Jeanne, Isaac, and Shakespeare. What do they all have in common?

Extremity. For Mozart, it comes in the form of a kind of OCD, as perfectionism. For Jeanne, it is generalized anxiety and PTSD. For Isaac, it is primarily social anxiety--but it’s still noticeably severe. And Shakespeare runs around with a knife, insecurity through the roof, literally unable to trust anything or anyone (psychosis? schizoaffective? I’m really not sure, these are all ballpark assessments based on the evidence I have). In order to adjust to their new surroundings, there was a cost--and in some ways their coping mechanisms become noticeably maladaptive. They were born into eras that were mercilessly unpredictable, and the only way they knew how to cope was to was to either take the blame--make it a personal failing that tragedy struck--or try to immerse themselves into their craft. They all seek to regain some kind of control (this is even visible in Vincent, to a degree--painting was an escape from his emotionally turbulent world).

Granted that’s not to say that the others don’t struggle with such issues at all, I just feel like the characters from more unstable time periods tend (as a general trend) to mirror that instability within their personalities.

All that being said, (I apologize I am a tangent-monger and love meta), Jeanne’s self-imposed isolation is only partially caused by the above dynamic. Yes, he is unwilling to let people into his heart for fear of betrayal. (It’s almost like an entire nation clamoring to watch you burn for something you didn’t do after spending your entire life and talents trying to protect them would do that to you, but I digress >:| ). But there’s another devastating and potentially less obvious reason for keeping people out.

He thinks he deserves it.

Loneliness, melancholy, aimlessness. These are all the punishments that he incurred on himself after a life of what he conceives to be considerable sin (hahaha battlefield enemies go ripppp). Whether or not he was operating purely out of a sense of duty, even if he felt sympathy for his enemy combatants, it’s not enough. And the condemnation of his king, of his entire nation, only served to magnify that self-loathing to a dangerous degree. (Don’t get me started on his parents I’m still so angry >:| they more or less disowned him since he was constitutionally weak as a young boy, and thus could not serve as an adequate farmhand. Don’t work? Don’t eat/live).

It’s hard enough living in a reserved way because you’re afraid of getting hurt, but to think that you deserve it when hurt finds you, no less? And my favorite part, that he’s so profoundly sure that it is an extension of a personal, fundamental failing? That for a person to survive, they must be strong, that there can be no other way--that there is no time or space for ruminations on fairness or unfairness, there are only those who manage to survive and those who die.

Now my friends, esteemed comrades, legendary sluts. Is that enough for us, Cybird asks, are we feeling enough pain quite yet? Fuck no.

Most of his route after we get over the hurdle of his hesitation is just him. Being. Bashful and gentle as all FUCK. Like he is the definition of “I'll kill you, but also I’m babie.” For instance, she insists on teaching him how to read and write at night when she finds him trying (and not succeeding) to read “The Ugly Duckling”. Yes I mean the children’s book. I CRIED THE FIRST TIME AND I’M CRYING NOW. So, naturally, MC buys him a notebook to practice with and he puts his name in big letters on the front. When MC sees this, she asks him about it--wondering why he would given he’s so self-conscious of his own writing (boy writes all squiggly like a little kid because he’s never done it before ;-;).

The scene goes a little something like this:

MC: Wh....whatcha go there Jeanne? Jeanne: ? My notebook? MC: I...mean that you wrote your name on it? Jeanne: Yeah? MC: Why? Jeanne: ._. It was a gift from you, and I figured it'd be hard to practice if I lost it...so I put my name on it... (HE WAS SECRETLY TOUCHED I BET AND IM--) MC: Why such big letters? Jeanne: So people can spot it quickly, obviously MC, inches from crying and laughing: Jeanne: Mademoiselle??? Why are you laughing? MC: Because you’re cute, Jeanne!

Like. They start out so rocky and Jeanne is so SIGH. I guess I’ll agree if it’ll get her to stop looking so sad and ask me to join her for stuff. But then he just can’t help but go full softe at how patient and kind she is, starts feeling comfortable just...being who he is deep down. A man that’s always hoped for better in life, a person that only ever takes up his sword to protect--that has an incredibly pure and clear heart, despite so much pain.

And good lord, they are GOD TIER romantic slow burn???? Swear to everything holy, I was BEGGING for them to make out by like chapter 10, I was just suffering for most of the route until the bangarang premium. Here’s probably my favorite moment in the entire route:

Basically Sebastian and Mozart pull out all the stops trying to bring Jeanne and MC together (once they see Jeanne show some interested in her). And so Jeanne asks her to join him in the courtyard the next morning, and they’re playing with Cherie (Jeanne’s pet baby white tiger). Besides being ungodly adorable--because Jeanne invited her for the sole purpose of hoping to see her delightfully surprised--Mozart begins to play a love song nearby. They don’t name the tune, but Jeanne canonically starts singing along (I wholeass cried, I WANT TO HEAR HIM SING????). And so she asks what the song is about, and he explains that Mozart once played it for him, but he couldn’t make out the words at first. Mozart explained that it was a love song that speaks to the difficulties of being in love (the worry, the strife) but also the beauty of the intensity and passion. He goes on to say that even when he learned the words, it never made much sense to him back then--it never resonated.

He’s singing softly with a fond look, and so she asks, does he understand it now? And he looks her dead in the eye, and says “...I think I’m starting to.” Like. AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT LOSE MY MIND AT THE TENDERNESS????? WHAT A SMOOTH MOFO????? MAN RAISED TO BE A SOLDIER, NO KNOWLEDGE OF ROMANCE OR WOMEN, AND KILLS ME IN MILLISECONDS?????? I DEMAND JUSTICE. (Or it’s just me thinking sincerity is the best aphrodisiac, but that’s beside the point.)

This has been your quarantine 2d boy meta and yelling, provided by your local mod Minnie. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to get to the things I’ve been procrastinating on while reliving/dissociating about one of my favorite rts in the entire game. Stay safe and well out there y’all, peace out!

Aight the time has come

TMA / DIVINE COMEDY META POST

inspired by @soaringsearingphoenix

I loved their idea and really think they're onto something with that, there are quite a few parallels in the whole Two Men, One Of Which Non-Mortal and with Absolute, Supernatural Knowledge, Going Through an Hellscape.

Source for this is gonna be the three years I spent studying the Divine Comedy as part of my Classics high school degree, and also the hyperfixation I had on it when I was 12 - buckle up!

The thing I really love about the Divine Comedy and the way Dante describes the soul in Inferno (hell) specifically is the lack of judgement which seems so counterintuitive like

Medieval Europe was a time where mankind - and especially writers - abode rules very strictly, subjectivity and personal feelings weren't something important. Writing was symbolic. I think it's something people overlook a lot when they do those "Dante just wrote a self insert fic!" posts about the Divine Comedy and similar like yes yes absolutely he did and he got to hang out with his literary bud Virgil, but to him that was very different than what self insert fics are to us today. He's writing himself as a symbol for all humanity (he's well intentioned, but a cishet white man nonetheless), and then he needed someone to show him around. A dead person that to him represented Moral and Knowledge so naturally he goes "oh yeah Virgil is that. Obviously." - TO HIM that's simply the most obvious thing because Virgil is the author of the Epic Poem that founded Roman culture, the Aeneid, so if he's gonna write the next Epic Poem to found Florence/Italy's value (Italy wasn't a thing yet but he still uses the word) he HAS to be guided by who did it before him.

Jonny Sims does know his fair share of classical myth as proved by his work with the Mechs, Ulysses dies at Dawn has some slightly niche references that did impress me (I don’t know a lot of the mechs’ creative process tho so it might just not be him writing those bits in the album?)

I don't know if any of this is useful for metas but I definitely do think the fact that Virgil does not get to be in Heaven at all, no matter how good he is, is interesting if we compare it to Jon because he is doing his Best to not eat people, and not give in to his nature, but eventually we all know it is not gonna go well. In the Divine Comedy - Purgatory specifically - Dante has to leave Virgil behind before going to Heaven, and it's one of the most tear jerking bits of the whole work. We read it in class and there were literally 30 teens sobbing.

But this is a massive tangent on the issue of judgement which is where I think the juicy TMA parallel can also be bc as I was saying everything in medieval times follows very specific rules. The rules the Church has decided, and the Church is seen to be the absolute power of God.

So no matter how Dante feels about morality, that Truth is there. An excellent example of this is the circle of Sodomy - aka homosexuality: there Dante finds his teacher, a person he loved and admired. He feels immensely sorry for him and he shows him all the affection and respect he has for him. This most likely reflects Dante's real, personal opinion on homosexuality. however if the Church and therefore God says u go to hell for being gay, it's out of Dante's hands. U go to hell. So he cannot change that, even in a text that he himself is writing, cause it’s not about his own pov at all - he's writing a poem to reflect the word of God and he's showing how even "sinners" are just human and some sinners did literally NOTHING wrong on a human level but still end up there.

I think when it comes to TMA this is pretty similar to how Jon feels about the Avatars. Some of them are awful evil people eaters like Not!Sasha, and some sort of stumbled into it and while they might not be great people it's really not their fault either (the kid I can't remember the name of, or Oliver Banks, and so on)

And they all ARE monsters in the same way Jon also is a monster and doesn't really shy away from that anymore, but also there isn't that much judgement in that state of monstrousness. Sometimes no matter what you do you end up in Hell.

(Also the “punishments” work in a very Dantesque way where what you were most afraid of in your past life is coming back to torment you forever.)

So anyways this was my piece, thank you for coming to my ted talk, honestly can’t wait to have my ass handed over to me on a plate by some Jon kinnie who hyperfixates on medieval history and has to Wellacthsually me, this is not me mocking you or asking you not to do it I am a Martin Kinnie, if I’m wrong please break me with your FACTS I think that’s very HOT

I read Princess and the Pauper final chapter, and I can't get over that Garon was like "I know what you're capable of, therefore I expect some OP, amazing, grandchildren, now hurry up and do it can't be that hard" I just cant xD this whole chapter is great

I MEAN

THAT SIEGBERT IS PRETTY OP FROM WHAT I’VE SEEN

That and I believe nobles/royals in earlier time periods had harder times with conception than peasants did but I’m no historian and I could be completely wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Either way, peasants according to the higher-ups copulate like rabbits so that was probably ONE THING Garon was like “aight this can work”

I just realized I could go on like a 5 page tangent about Mozander’s sex life but I should probably quit while I’m ahead

gHANITH PLEASEEEE

yOU’RE THE BEST AAHHH OK

who hogs the duvettanith. you’ll find her in the morning with it wrapped around her, however when she wakes up she’ll always rearrange it so its draping over ghastly too and he’ll wake up for a few seconds to see it and he’ll smile and cuddle her and fall back to sleep again with them both under the covers

who texts/rings to check how their day is goingghASTLY. WITHOUT A DOUBT. i feel as though his average day is a bit less action packed than taniths, so he always has the time to check up on her - and if he doesnt have the time, he MAKES the time (you’ll find tipstaff grumbling about it somewhere)who’s the most creative when it comes to giftsi feel as though ghastly isn’t really into presents much, i mean being 400+ years old i can imagine coming up with presents got a bit old after the first century. and tanith i think on her jobs and journeys comes across like, not ‘gifts’ as such but little knick knacks and thingymabobs that she’ll know ghastly would just LOVE who gets up first in the morningghastly I think has settled into an (unhealthy) routine of going to bed at silly o’clock in the morning after really getting into something he was sewing, but then waking up quite early to start another working day. tanith usually stays up with him, sitting in the back room of his shop with him, both listening to ghastly’s blues playlist while he works, and then both of them going up to bed together at the same time. you wont see her out of bed any time before 9am, though (ghastly always makes her tea in the morning, regardless of whether shes likely to fall back to sleep again and never drink it)who suggests new things in bedyou’d think tanith, being the younger, more experienced one would be bringing new things into the bedroom but my god ghastlys has way more kinks than given credit for and taniths not complaining eitherwho cries at moviesman………… i feel like generally tanith does and as much as she’ll try to hide it ghastly always knowswho gives unprompted massagesTANITH. she’ll come in to the back room of the shop from the kitchen, cup of tea in hand for ghastly, she’ll look at what he’s working on and smile, see that he’s clearly been hunched over it for hours and massage his shoulder muscles. completely unasked for, but ghastly appreciates it all the same. she’ll always peck him on the cheek before leaving toowho fusses over the other when they’re sickghASTLY IS SO OVER TANITH’S HERO COMPLEX. HE DOESNT CARE HOW LONG AND FIERCELY SHE DEFENDS THAT SHE ISNT SICK. HE’LL STILL WRAP HER UP IN BLANKETS AND GIVE HER TEA WITH HONEY IN IT AND MEDICINE AND “STOP BLOODY MOTHERING ME” DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO STOP IT. who gets jealous easiestaight, so like…. i’m gonna struggle to word this but bear with me. (also im really sorry) so like, in mortal coil when erskine is flirting with tanith we clearly see that ghastly got kinda down about it, but i dont think its jealousy?? its more of, whenever someone whos just that much better looking and that much better at everything than ghastly is comes along, ghastly sort of sinks into an instantly hopeless, acceptance and almost numb state and he just sort of gives up at whatever hes talking about, whatever hes doing. because thats just what hes been conditioned to do. 400+ years of constant rejection ALL THE TIME?? hes just learnt that the second someone better comes along, whatever chance he had is gone. the conversation he was having with someone is instantly cut short, and ghastly just doesnt exist anymore. completely invisible. every. time. so i think that rather than getting jealous about it he’s learnt to give up, and i think that it took tanith years to uncondition that response out of him because she’ll never, ever cut him off for someone else, and she’s sure as hell not going anywhere, so?? and everyone can see the transformation too. aight sorry i went on a tangent there but my point is, ghastly doesnt get jealous. tANITH. HOWEVER. MY GOD. when tanith gets jealous she doesnt just get jealous she gets jEALOUS. it takes tanith every ounce of will power not to get snappy defensive and the so, so unnecessary staring-downs. valkyrie never lets it slide and always finds it really, really funny (especially because its so bloody obvious that the jealousy is completely irrational because this is ghastly we’re on about)who has the most embarrassing taste in musicghastly has quite a solid, sensible mature playlist for when hes working or relaxing but tanith is like………….. look its tanith ok who collects something unusualtanith collects thingymabobs from where ever she’s at, but… she sort of leaves them all around the house. the conversations at this point aren’t even questionable anymore. “ghastly don’t suppose you’ve seen my demon-baby tooth anywhere?” “top shelf on the right, next to your brain muncher book.” “aight thanks.”who takes the longest to get readytanith, being brought up as a hidden blade, can be fully awake and ready to kill someone within 0.5 seconds of waking up. she can pull a tank top on, slip on trousers and boots and ready to go within two minutes. ghastly? god no getting ready is no joke he didnt make his own clothes only to look like an uninformed peasant with them on, no. he doesnt joke around when getting ready plzwho is the most tidy and organisedghastly. every bit of thread and fabric is organised by type and then category and then colour and then and then. he’s often found himself glancing up from whatever hes looking at to find tanith gazing at the walls of his shop, almost lost in the fabric - not that he’ll ever tell tanith thatwho gets most excited about the holidaystanith doesnt get batshit crazy but she’s gotten ghastly into celebrating christmas at least a tiny bit, even if it means just taking him out to a bar and taking shots its still fun y’know? better she figures than staying in and working.who is the big spoon/little spoonghastly is absolutely the big spoon, always wrapping his strong arms around tanith, keeping her warm. he tends to tuck his head into the crook of her neck, too. tanith doesnt even try to hide how much she loves itwho gets most competitive when playing games and/or sportstanith which i feel is p obvious we all know how she is when fighting. she has a secret love for board games and WILL NOT. LET. ANYONE. LEAVE WITHOUT FINISHING MONOPOLY. GODDAMN YOU’RE NOT HERE TO BE WEAK AND LEAVE HALF WAY THROUGH OK SHE’S HERE TO RIDE OUT THAT GAME TILL THE VERY ENDwho starts the most arguments….. um. oh man, ok. so like??? look tanith doesnt like authority and ghastly is stubborn as hell and arguments like… idk how to word it, i guess tanith can let an edge creep into her voice when she brings up the fact he is/was an elder and ghastly notices it every time and things get a bit tense and uncomfortable for a while but they let it go every time. i saw a post on here about how ghanith hardly argue and i 100% agree w that tbhwho suggests that they buy a petit was all valkyries fault. bringing back that gigantic german shepherd from america got tanith talking and now she wants a pet because shes fallen in love with this dog and she wants a pet but?? dogs are a lot of work and ghastly and tanith just dont have the lifestyle to take care of one, both of them being busy and flexible in when and how they work. thats when tanith sorta realises that a CAT, HOWEVER, (bECAUSE I’VE SEEN THAT POST SOMEONE DID ABOUT GHASTLY HAVING CATS AND!!!!!!!!!!! 10000% AGREE) would still be a pet of their own but independent enough to be ok with being on their own for periods of time and the cat will find its way into ghastlys work room and surprise him by either rubbing itself against his legs or actually jumping up onto his work space and then climb onto his hunched shoulders while he works. he grumbles about it and complains that theres cat hair everywhere but he wouldnt change it for the world. whenever tanith walks in the cat always greets her and she loves it.what couple traditions they havesteak is Their Thing™. ‘nuff said.what tv shows they watch togetherghastly kept going on about this tv show which tackles everything hes passionate about and it pin points exactly what goes on in work spaces which is pretty much fucking around 90% of the time and he has all of its seasons recorded on his tv recorder which he still hasnt gotten round to watching it all and finally tanith is curious enough to see what this amazing show really is like and she ended up falling in love with brooklyn nine nine really, really fast. and rosa diaz. big crush on rosa diaz from tanith.what other couple they hang out withvaldug naturallyhow they spend time together as a couplesee what I adore about their relationship is that it was p much built on the two of them just being so, so ridiculously comfortable in each others company and talking to each other for hours on end and just sort of being there for each other, and i think that (besides from hardcore sexy times obviously) they love to spend time doing their own things with /each other/. tanith’s found herself getting passionate about ghastlys work because she loves being with him while he does so, with him talking to her about his mother and the war and anything and everything.who made the first movetANITH W THE STEAK im gonna cry brbwho brings flowers homeghastly is a romantic shit but he’s never really had room for flowers amongst all of his delicate fabrics at home, but tanith will always find some from somewhere, even if they are just pretty weeds she picked from the field down the road, and take them home to put into a jug of water to sit on the kitchen window sill. who is the best cookghastly. tHE most domestic to ever domestic. he can cook and he can cook good. tanith can settle for pot noodles but shes thankful for his cooking nonetheless

TL;DR: i really, really need to get out more