hi I am still not normal about how we never get much of an epilogue for Emily and Corvo in the second game we are told how the rule turned out and that Emily is the beloved empress now but nothing beyond that and I get that the entire game is very much built on that I get that the first game we have close relationship with Emily and become fond of the staff that work with the Loyalists so we feel alone because we do not quite see eye to eye with our allies and all we have left is this little innocent child that sees Corvo as someone who can do no wrong in this world which is strongly contrasted with the second game where Emily (or Corvo) has few trusted allies that they can actually rely on and it feels like a group of almost-friends working to dismantle the conspiracy but at the very end of it all Emily is all alone, even her return to the Tower is so much more grim, her taking down Delilah, the entirety of Dunwall- it all feels so incredibly and thoroughly isolating, she is all Alone now, and maybe that's why it bothers me so much to see the story end so abrupty.

it would've been so, so poetic if both the first and the second game ended with Corvo and Emily embracing

Omg soulmates!! especially omegaverse! (is omegaverse ok? ahh) One of my most favorite concepts! Fate bringing people together and having them fall in love!! For balance, there should be omegas, alphas, betas in a pack. It's interesting to see different roles for the members even though Namjoon is usually pack alpha from what I've seen. It's usually werewolves. But I think more variety of hybrids is better. Mc as a cute, small animal like a bunny or cat while the boys are big animals omg! Why are bird hybrids never in these? The human arms and bird wings on back type for features. Tails, ears, and wings being sensitive omg! Imagine only alpha, omega world though. I like the true alpha, sub alpha thing. Maybe sub alphas can replace betas instead. Bc alpha omega dynamics is so good omg! (betas are nice too but alpha!! omg) Dom alpha bts omg! Omegaverse au also allows for things to be explained as instincts ahh. Nesting, scenting, scuffing, courting, mates, heat, and knots ahh! So much possessiveness too. Omega mc ofc bc I just want to be spoiled :( The fics I've read usually have some angst too though :( I just want happy mc and bts!

-🖤

i wrote a hybrid series, omegaverse borders that idea it’s fine!! i also breathe omegaverse fics 😭

i’ve always wanted to write a soulmate au, maybe i’ll do that one day because i love the concept of- no matter what life we both live, i’ll love you in all of them, i’ll find you in all of them LIKE COME ON

literally there aren’t enough bunny m/c, i need soft, skittish, baby bunny m/c with her scary alpha doms, maybe another omega, i imagine jimin, whose spoiled by her alphas and they’re all just in love, maybe i’ll write that one too one day when i have the time because ahhh baby bunny m/c :((

what animals the others would be… let’s think

i’m gonna ignore my ‘to build a home’ choices for this one and assign each member a different animal, i think a lot of them would be big cats

omg i love bunny m/c but but but imagine big cats! bts x domestic cat m/c not only the size difference but the way they’d be so protective over her 😭

namjoon would maybe be a bear, he’s quite broad and strong so i think that would fit him most, though if he were to be a big cat i think he would be a lion, head of the pride/ pack

tiger taehyung seems right who’s ears have pretty stripes, and maybe he’s weak to ear scratches

panther jungkook

lynx jimin, a little dainty but just as dangerous

snow leopard yoongi who has his own little home built in the garden that’s colder than the rest of the house

cougar hobi

i’m debating between leopard jin or cheetah jin. i think cheetah because his waist is quite slim and cheetahs are very… elegant

ahhh i read a fic once where jimin was a bird but i can’t remember the title

however— dom alpha bts has such a hard grip on me, and pack dynamics always make me swoon

nesting 🥲 and the courting gifts being super soft blankets and pillows for the m/c that smell like the rest of the pack and maybe the m/c is really fussy about texture :( and maybe she likes to fuss over her alphas before bed because she knows where she likes them :(

scruffing from the pack alpha ALWAYS DOES THINGS TO ME IDK WHY I GIGGLE WHEN IT HAPPENS the thought of like just turning to jelly in an alphas lap as they pet over your back :(

so so so much scenting as well, especially if the m/c wanted to go out, maybe you can even scent mark someone by cumming on them, and jungkook would be the most possessive, imagine the m/c waking up to jungkook towering over her, her panties pulled down to her thighs as he runs his cock through her folds, a smug smile on his face when he cums all over her and it takes more than a few showers for the scent of alpha cum to go away

YUH KNOTTING especially knot slut m/c who cant get enough of warming her alphas’ knots, or just sucking on the tips of their cocks as they watch tv because she just needs something in her mouth especially when she’s on the cusp of her heat

the breeding kink

would be so so good

especially if either of them were in rut or heat, i feel like the m/c would love love love just being stuffed full of cum, tugging on the backs of their shirts when she feels too empty and maybe even a few tears dribbling down her cheeks so her alphas will say yes (though they’d never actually say no to her, it’s cute seeing her so desperate)

maybe they’d make her cum from just playing with her tail, tugging on it meanly until her panties are ruined as you mouthing at her alpha’s cock, pitiful whines tumbling off her tongue like liquid gold and you know the alphas would eat that up so fast

RAH I COILD WRITE A WHOLE FIC FOR THIS IDEA THETES SO MANT POSSIBILITIES

i never met the dude. its fine tho i believe him i believe that he couldnt make it. he sent a voice message explaining why and it was really complicated so i just believe him yea. its sad tho. i require at least a lil bit of positive emotions rn and he was the only one who could try. my roommate left and idk when she will come back so i need to be fast ig. i noticed i explore my emotions every day more. i think i feel so bad here without a significant reason actually. i find it quite interesting that a week ago i wouldnt feel so bad here. and now i feel like my first days here. they werent that bad tho. not that i can remebmer tbh. ahhh im just so tired. my mid term is on wednsday and i finnished only one shapter. im cooked. i have a counsellor appointment today. will see what hes made of. dont have much hopes tho. its gonna be awkward ig. im also so lost in my thoughts and emotions that i cant quite tell what i feel and think ab it. i have so much to do. i need to find an apartment. this girl wrote to me today. guess she was expecting someone from vancouver lol. im sorry. our lil conversarion destroyed my day or evening ig. she is rich, studies here without cuaet visa and rents an apartment, also is doing pr rn. fuck u. fuck rich people. if i could kill all rich people but sell my sould to the devil i woulf do it. i just hate how hopeless i am. its like this new feeling. i started to expeerience it so often recently after the war started and bc of it im losing my mind. its the worst feeling i ever experienced. i cant quite identify what is that but i would its the feeling of feeling so hopeless that you dont want to wake up and see no point in anything. i also really like it when the life gives an opportunity to banish this feeling and then fucks with you and make everything so wrong and now ur just siiting like a fool with his hand empty and confussed. why? how could this happened? thats just unfair, isnt it? i cant believe this could happen to me. thats just silly. after all that i went through you want to say that the only thing ive been staying alive for is never will happen? wow thats just wow. thats just cruel. if god exists fuck you. but i guess millions of people dying rn bc of hunger could correlate to me lol. i still gonna pray tonight if i wont forget tho. thats just how my mind works. i dont believe i will leave this hell this summer but if i can i will try everything to change it. ah the exam. i guess i have to drink energy drink. and fuck up my sleep again. okay im not gonna do it srry my mark. okay i have to study really i hate u all i hate rich people i hate god for doing this to me and i hate this entire world i hate a meteorite will kill me and i wont feel sorry for my parents. well i guess ill just never know and never think of how they could feel after my death. i guess thats good

I ACTUALLY YELLED SEEING LIEBESTRAUM WAHHHHH;-;-;;-;-;-;-;; THANK U SO MUCH FOR WRITING IT I CANT WAIT TILL JUNE;-;;-;-; i cannottttt tell u how happy u actually made me with that wahhdhfjf

OOO MAN☹️☹️I HOPE UR MENTAL HEALTH WILL GET BETTER!!!! AND U DONT SUCK!!! TAKE UR TIME WITH IT u shouldn't listen to them when ur not in the mood for them it will deff ruin the vibes so take all the time u need!!!!

i agree with that the only good noise music i listen to now is all from nct and when i hear other bgs' i'm just😟😟😟 IM SURE HE WAS AMAZING CUZ ALL OF THEM WERE🤌🤌 the song genuinely slaps so i'm not surprised if it makes it in there

well idk people said i study a lot so i just accepted the fact but i never feel prepared enough so;-; tbh the percentage is lower just to pass💀 but i need the plus point for uni and that's the limit for getting it but yeah i feel like it shows that hungary does not go for making people smarter lmao💀 I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE POINT LIMITS FOR GETTING INTO UNI wahhh the whole thing is dumb🫠 thank u!!!! i have three more speaking exams so i'm shitting my pants rn😃OH NO☹️ i hope u passed the second one exams suck so i hope it didn't hit u hard!!!! GOOD LUCK WITH THEM!!! IM SURE U WILL DO GOOD ON THEM!! MANIFESTING SO HARD!!!! I HOPE U ARE DOING WELL AND ARE TAKING CARE OF URSELF!!!! (liebestraum anon💓💕)

(the review reply: art sucks for that reason sm;-; but i deff learned after a few times of that happening with me as well to just sleep on it and throw it out after but it still amuses me how can art have this effect in a way (idk how to explain what i mean rip) AND THANK U FOR NOT HATING IT U JUST MADE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON ISTG!!!)

IM REPLYING TO THIS ASK LITERALLY SO LATE THAT THE FIC IS DROPPING TOMORROW LMAO ADJSK i have to warn u tho its quite different to the original draft i had and the teaser i posted from it 😶😶 hope you still end up liking it !!!

SJSJ thank you thank you 😔😔 you are always so sweet and understanding ily mwah.

nct noise is the only good noise in kpop. there i said it. 😶 (this is a joke there are a few more good noise songs from diff groups pls dont jump me im targeting one fandom in specific w this yes) like nct could do any of your favs songs but could your favs do sticker? no. thats right.😌 AHHH im glad u liked my babies cix i was told by spotify that they are my top listened to artist of the last 4 weeks so. 😃 yeah. they also had a comeback like 2 days ago if u wanna check that out cough cough

if people tell u that, its probably true AHAHA 😭😭 me and my friend were talking the other day like i dont even study that much like i get to the 2 hour mark and i go well 🤷‍♀️ thats it for the day ig. like i dont have any more brain capacity LMAO. Oooh i do get you w the uni points stuff!! me being a straight A student was what got me into uni too bc switching from business hs to psychology was actually kind of insane coming from me LMAOOO i had no bonus points from biology or anything so my grades helped a TON since i fucked up the entrance exam too lol 😭😭😭 im rooting for you !!!! I feel like slovakia doesnt really care abt that either ?? there are definitely better and worse unis tho and i unfortunately attend the one thats one of the best so they kinda care..😔 SPEAKING EXAMS ARE THE WORST THEY SHOULD BE CANCELLED LIKE THATS 3 TIMES THE STRESS U HAVE WHEN TAKING A WRITTEN ONE. i hate those sm omg i am PRAYING for you (i have only one speaking one this semester and i am mentally preparing for it for the last few weeks) i actually passed the second try (with an E, but i still did it....) and i have another exam w the same professor this friday so..🤞

i am trying to learn how to be patient w art (and life) so it prevents me tearing everything out and throwing it out.....so you are right abt that AHAHA thats a good advice to take

as always i hope youre doing good, taking care of yourself and having a good time!! mwah

hi ive experienced what ur experiencing nd i wanna let you know if you r a system what you're going through is normal. your brains tries to hide the system from you

just: dont rush into it, take your time. dont back yourself into a corner or dig a hole you cant get out of.

realizing you might be a system is scary at first, just do your best to accept it and come to terms with it, theres not exactly much that can be done about it.

its fine if you realize you're not one, that's perfectly okay :) these things can be confusing, especially when you have bpd. trust me, it makes doubting yourself and your system a lot worse

try talking to other systems about their experiences (you can always shoot me an ask about being a system, idm and im glad to help out new systems as best i can !! ^-^)

just take your time and go at your own pace. good luck !!!!

ahhh thank you so much, i really appreciate this!!!

there’s definitely also a lot of anxiety about “appropriating” other people’s disorders, since i mirror a lot and get easily influenced by everything i see i’m always scared i’m just in a heavy mirroring phase, but like… being a system would explain a lot of things, not just recent things i’ve accidentally absorbed by being involved in the mentally ill community, like… i realize now that this would explain things since my early childhood, not just the last few months.

i also feel like i have to “throw away” my bpd if i’m to even think i have OSDD, which is a really weird belief but i can’t shake it off, so that’s adding even more to the anxiety

right now i do feel under a lot of stress and i feel like i’m switching personalities more often because my brain is trying to cope with everything that’s happening and i don’t have a “right” personality to handle all of this, thing is that idk if they’re bpd personalities or alters

also the fact that there’s no clean cut in between my personalities does make me doubt a bit, like they’re multiple faces warped together; different but all in one if that makes sense? but learning about OSDD-1b definitely helped me feel less “fake”

plus, i feel like i’ve reached a “disorder limit”, which is a weird rule my brain made that i have to surpass on top of finding out if i am in fact a system, or if my bpd is evolving into some mega-bpd where my personalities just get even more distinct

i’m trying to take my time, it’s hard and i hate not knowing, but this is really stressful and i’m scared of doing something irreparable if i push too hard. so it’s very helpful and reassuring to know i have support, this means a lot to me and definitely makes me feel better and less alone /gen

like, when i was young and assumed i had DID just based on the fact that i had multiple personalities and then didn’t do any research, it was easy. i didn’t have to think too hard, i just exaggerated my symptoms (completely separating my personalities and acting like i had no memories of what my other personalities did), so like, there was no anxiety about it. but now that i realize this might be real, this is an actual thing, and knowing now much more about DID and OSDD and seeing the nuances and differences and seeing that i don’t have to exaggerate anything to fit the description is quite distressing, like… this is happening right now, and even if it does end up that it’s not OSDD and i’m just in a weird bpd episode, those are still very real symptoms i’m experiencing and they’re quite distressing. people weren’t lying when they said that ignorance is bliss

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

the thing about the storm chaser is how understated everything is. the theme just needs to be presented, never explained too much because everyone has gone through it — there’s an understanding of flawed marriages and relationships to at least some degree. you wrote it so well, told the point so deliberately and skillfully. i feel like a read a few flicks of your wrist and it was wonderful. beautiful. even as im typing this now i still cant explain how seen(???) i felt. i dont know, just complex human emotion made so easy to consume because of how you skillfully dipped into experience of your readers that was already there. idk if im making sense but! it was a very emotional journey for me i put off reading this for so long im glad i did but i also hate myself bc i have an exam in a few and im literally about to sob. atsumu was realistic (i cannot stress how i fell deeper in love with him here, a million unforgivable flaws and all), reader was realistic . everything was gritty and wonderful.

(and pls can we talk about how utterly asian the themes here are — silent love and unspoken understanding and marriages that need a few years before it can settle? it’s visceral.)

argh. bee. you’re gonna make me cry....(again)

i guess when i started writing storm chaser, at the heart of it all was the question - what wld love, life and marriage be like with miya atsumu given his flaws, his ambition, his strong emotional core. and it turned out to be this sprawling, monster fic following atsumu and reader as they learn how to live and love, growing both together and apart. 

marriage is hard. it’s exceedingly hard work merging two lives together - it takes so much commitment and understanding and communication that hey, we’re in this together for the rest of our lives and because atsumu doesn’t quite grasp that as quickly as it should have, we get this portrait of a flawed marriage and relationship. and to be very honest i don’t quite blame atsumu fully because it’s not wrong to have dreams of your own. he’s flawed but he’s oh-so-human and that’s what i really love about writing him.  

im so so happy you love the reader in storm chaser cos ahhh she’s really my favourite reader i’ve written cos i got to write her grow and mature and learn to put her daughter first and remain steadfast and strong despite the storm that’s  consumed her and ahhhh. 

also gosh. about Asian themes. y’know, i’ve never really thought about the fact that my stories have Asian themes - like i guess cos I’m an Asian woman from Asia it’s just...as natural as breathing to me? but now when you point it out...i can see it for myself. Like in the last chapter when the reader is suffering silently but looks at atsumu on the beach, and we really see it’s a testament to the strength of their marriage and how far they’ve come that he can read her silence and the question in her eyes to respond ‘I’m here’, and the unspoken understanding between them when the reader says ‘I know’. And gods the reader’s silent love for atsumu (that idiot) that’s obvious not through her words but through her actions (keeping the ring he leaves behind clear, finding comfort in his jacket) and ahhh. thank you thank you for pointing it out. 

ily bee i’m going to go to bed and sob <3 

Part 1 of 2 I think I sent an ask but idk what happened I was saying how I had a dream and I was a sub and my dom was really the opposite of me I was really smiley and happy and he was more dark and brooding. but he was so soft for me.Like I'd ask him to smile ,cus he seemed sad and he pulled me in between his legs and explained that is not sad,hes just a bit worried about something.Now im quite tall so I don't really feel small often ..but when I do... i lowkey really love it .

Part 2 of 2 and he wasn't that much taller than me but there was a moment we had had dinner, I was talking a lot and about to put the dishes in the sink and he made me put them down and asked me to sit on the counter top. He led me to the edge and put his hands on my arms and told me to "sit there for me". And I'm pretty sure if I was standing I would have melted but I was being bratty and didn't listen and went to wash up any way. There are other smaller things that happened but cant fit it X

———

Babeee omg that’s sound like such an amazing dream!!! 👀👀👀 He really brought all that energy to the table ahhh we love it! And making you feel all small too 🥺🥺🥺

A trip down nostalgia

so back in the day there was like things out there for rping aka rule pages..i remeber along time ago i read an orginal character rulebook and it said “you cant have powerful ocs” which ive broken that rule a few times. So i decided to find one of these old “universal rping rules” pages and go through em and see how theyve changed

GENERAL RULES 1: When you are talking out of RP text, use "(( ))" to indicate such 

i particually like this one because it shows how dated it is..like most rping sites have instant message systems 

2: When you are talking with only one character in the same area, you should not skip any lines; if you are talking with more than on character area, then you must separate them by skipping a line after the action and text of the first character, then starting the same thing for the next character [Note: this only applies if both characters are interacting with the same character(s); if they are in the same topic, but different areas of the topic, they must be posted in different comments.] 

i dont actually know what this rule is implying is it implying you cant skip topics and have to stay on track or simply if another person joins that person cant interject? 

3: Any speech MUST be indicated with quotation marks and actions should be indicated by "* *", but that is optional 

This is a fun rule too because of nowndays there are two styles of rping

script and para. i don't know if this rule is insitating there was a time were para/script was the same thing or used in the same way. GLOBAL RULES 1: You cannot skip between different RP storylines i can only assume this was a rule before multithreading was a thing but weve broken this rule.

2: You cannot skip between different time frames also this one weve broken 3: You cannot declare your character(s) to know someone without permission from the other person(s) this is a rule thats still followed albeit with the expectation that your muse is omniscience or all knowning or whatever  4: You cannot declare your character(s) to share history or a background with another character(s) without permission from the other person(s) man there was a day and age were we didnt write giant paragraphs of agnst? and just did “and then they shared their past” ENTRY RULES 1: You cannot make another person(s) notice something; you have to let them notice it themselves i dont think anyone follows this rule. 2: You cannot appear in-between or near other characters unless approved by the other person(s) and allowed to do so (usually for battles or something) i think with this one i can only assume battles were more careful..i think nowndays if you fight a more powerful character that can appear next to yours and your character cant it sorta just happens.  3: You cannot be dramatic, it MUST be a subtle entry (ie: no big flashes into the area, bothering other characters; no screaming; no making other objects fly around when you entry, bothering other characters, etc.) [Note: exceptions are allowed if approved by the other person(s) if you are in a battle or something, but it must still be kept in moderation.] HAHAHAHAHHA 4: You cannot move or come into contact with another character(s) when you enter AHAHAHAHAH -louder laughing-  SOCIAL RULES 1: You cannot control the conversation or be the center of attention i suppose this is true for like group rping but one on one i dont see how this could really happen. 2: You cannot interrupt someone else's conversations (unless permitted by the other person(s)) again in group rping i can see this happening but not for like one on one. 3: You cannot make person say something, nor may you tell them to say something outside of RP chat (your character may tell them to say something in RP chat, but they are allowed to refuse)   this one is... idk ive had times were someone comes into my ims and there like “i need help with ideas so i can reply” or “i dont quite know what to say next” and you discuss and plot this rule seems overly strict and just strange.

4: You cannot relate to someone else's background or history without the consent of the other person(s)  fucking what?

BATTLE RULES 1: No godmodding (ie: being invincible, overpowered, etc.) i think over the ages godmodding went from “everything bad” to more speciifcally  godmodding=controlling my character without permission marysue=everything bad 2: No controlling other people read above 3: You CANNOT kill another person(s)'s character without their permission  yeh this is pretty universal still 4: You MUST allow the other person to CHOOSE to accept or avoid an attack [Note: there are some exceptions to this rule once you are familiar with the rules and the feel of RP battles, but you must still keep it in moderation; it cannot be a big attack (ie: cutting someone's head off, stabbing their heart or lungs, etc.) and you must allow the other person(s) to do the same.] this is pretty universal as well expect with the two expections of 1. you planned the battle in im beforehand 2. your muse is significantly weaker then the one your facing.  like if your a god and im a human im probably going to get rekted 5: You CANNOT say where a character(s) got hit, nor how they took damage, they became crippled, they lost a limb, etc.) [Note: again, there are exceptions to this rule, as well; following the same exceptions as rules #4 and #6 again 1. above sorta explains this but this is mostly true 6: You may ONLY make ONE attack at a time, still following rule #4 [Note: again, there are exceptions to this rule once you are familiar with the rules and the feel of RP battles, but you must still keep it in moderation; you cannot go into a frenzy (attacks that count over 5 in this case) and you must allow the other person(s) to do the same.] i think overall rping battles has become easier to write with maybe before rping battles was a new thing and harder to do? 7: You may not make any moves without giving the other person(s) a chance to do something (this includes running away, teleporting (not blinking), summoning things, banishing the person(s) (and it must be approved by the person(s), etc.) again power differences are a major play in things like this. a master can beat a novice without taking damage, a master swordsman could beat bandits with no issue, etc etc etc 8: You MUST take damage at some point yes and no again as i said above however i always make it point that if your character is creative and can whatever skill they have to their advantage its always possible that your muse can do damage to mine and i can do damage to yours however as above its incredibly situational

thank you for listening to a random ass post.

i can only assume from loooking at this people in the past were careful and nowndays rping is

smashing into someones ims going “yo bitch lets fucking rping AHHH”

One year—365 days—and still I cannot find the words to do justice to the magnitude of gratitude that I feel, and will forever feel, for the magic that was October 22, 2017.  It’s funny because meeting Taylor was always in my mind as a possibility.  In that people DO meet her, so it’s possible.  But I always viewed it as possible, yet unachievable.  People would meet her, but they wouldn’t be ME.  Simply because the odds were too great of being noticed or picked from a crowd.  So I never planned out how it would go, or where, or what I would say, which left me even more absolutely floored when it happened.  Even a year later my brain cannot quite wrap around the fact that the woman who I’ve looked up to since I was 15, who’s music has been the soundtrack to my life for an entire decade, had me over at her house?  I got to hug her?  Dance with her?  And listen to her entire unreleased album and the stories behind it?  That seems unbelievable.  And it will always seem unbelievable because people. don’t. do. that.  But Taylor does.  My friends have been encouraging me for a whole year straight to type everything out, and I never quite got there.  The task seemed too great, I didn’t know where to start, or what words to choose to capture those memories adequately.  In one of those moments of frustration I realized I actually already had written nearly everything—in the no less than 63 messages I sent to my best friend Shaina less than 24 hours later on October 23, 2017.  Though it’s jumbled and not perfect in any way and contains the misspellings and keyboard smashes and all, here’s my Taylor story, a year later, as told the day after it happened—in message form.

~

I MET TAYLOR SWIFT SHDJEKJDKROF

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LIFE

I HAVEN’T CRIED YET BUT ITS 4 AM AND I THINK ITS FINALLY HITTINGME

photo of wristband

SHE FUCKING DANCED WITH ME DURING LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO LIKE GRABBED MY HAND AND JAMMED WITH ME AS I WAS SHOUTING THE LYRICS GOODBYEEEEEEE

photo of merch

GOODBYEEEEEEEEE

Shaina: You’re lying

IM NOY IM NOT OH MY FOD OH MY FREAKINF GOD

PARKER THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK OF SOMETHING CUZ I WAS SHOUTING VIA TEXT ASKING IF HE WAS UP HOLT SHIT

Shaina: Ok. Spill. I’m shook.

Okay okay so I’m literally about ready to pass out I haven’t slept well since finding out last week and legit got two hours of afterwards last night, well this morning ahhh

And about to board my flight but I’ll try to type quick

So basically her team DMed me last Tuesday saying they’ve noticed what an amazing fan I am and asked for my information

And people have been making fake TN accounts and sending fake messages to be awful, and I thought it was fake because I never expected to ever be contacted

So I’m like in the gym parking lot thank god I didn’t see it while I was still at work

And I realize it has a blue verified check and that it’s legitimate and the last questions was have you ever met Taylor and I LOSE MY SHIT IM IN HYSTERICS IN THE CAR AND CALL MY MOM AND SHE THINKS I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT

So basically I’m a freaking ass mess because I’m 99% it’s for a secret session since at that point one had happened and we all assumed that there would be more cities, and I was almost positive they would NOT send that message to someone and not follow through and call and tell them SOMETHING

So I can’t sleep I leave my phone on cuz I don’t want to miss a call

It of course doesn’t come til the next day while I’m AT WORK

And they freaking ass knew my twitter and tumblr and asked for all my socials and I now know the people I talked to weren’t asked that so that’s weirddddd

Anyway so sure as hell it’s a ‘very special event’ and it’s all too secret and I can’t tell anyone except a parent for safety

And once I confirm I can get myself to LA she gives some instructions and said final details will be emailed  

And so that was Wednesday and I’m crying at work and their dinner was late lol

And I called my mom and was like this weekend Sunday book flights nowwwww

And then the quick version is for the next two days I was practically puking every day so nervous and the email wasn’t coming and I was like shitttttt

So finally on Friday I straight up call Taylor Nation back and get straight through and say my name and she’s like what’s up?! And she says they’re coming out later that day

And so I flew down Saturday and I rented my very first car and took my first legit solo trip in the name of Taylor freaking swift honestly I’m not surprised

And bless Briana’s fam’s heart they were out of town but let me stay in their guest apartment while they were away with no explanation so that was very nice and less stress for me

And then I had to sit from 3:30 Saturday until 5:15 Sunday in LA by myself unable to tell anyone and it was wilddddddd

Like I was like sweeeeeet I can get caught up in my journal!!!  Noooo I deadass sat there and felt like I was dying and about threw up hourly like how the freaking hell do you just casually chill when you know your damn outlandish never thought it would occur dream is about to happen and not only that but like on a times 100 scale?!?!

So basically I went to her damn house and we hung out by the pool and ate food and the weirdest part is I’ve been unable to eat and have been panicking all week but the second I got to the first check point and to her house even more I was just like chillllll like ayeeeee this is gonna be fun omg I’m so hungry and let’s eat all this food

And so basically it’s a listening session for the new album and we obviously can’t say anything about it or what she said about it besides like probs that it’s AWESOME OUTSTANDING IS GONNA SLAY THE WORLD AND SHES SO LROUD OF IT AND MY BABY DID THAT AND IM REAL PROUD

Okay okay but she like explained each song in-depth and was the cutest cupcake singing along fully jamming to everything and like looking at everyone the entire time and locking eyes as she’s singing ya feel

My flight is about to leave but I will continue later!!!!!

Shaina: This is insane I can’t believe it I’m beyond stoked for you safe travels and talk soon

Okay we not leaving quite yet sooooo I’m missing parts. So we are told we’re gonna go inside and sit down and I book it fast to get a spot on the ground like only two people sitting in front of me and there’s a red plush chair not even 10 feet away that she’ll obviously be sitting in and we’re all like sjedjekkdir

And I was wondering who all I would know there right!?? And was bummed there’s one girl I talk to frequently who loves Shawn Mendes and we know each other cuz she saw my Shawn poster on twitter and she’s from LA but I hadn’t seen her

And then someone pokes me and is like ALIIIIIIII AND ITS HER AND WE FLIP AND SXREAM SO LOUD THE WHOLE ROOM THOUGHT IT WAS TAY AND WAS PISSSSSSED AND SHUSHING US AND SOMEONES LIKE THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!! HAHAHAHA

Shaina: This just keeps getting better and better. How did you keep this a secret?!?!?!?

Shaina: How many people were there

AND SO ANYWAY WE ALL THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS GONNA COME IN FROM THE FRONT AND SIT RIGHT DOWN??? AND ON THE BUS SOMEONE WAS LIKE YOOOOO WHAT IF SINCE TONIGHT IT’S IN LA SHE BRINGS FRIENDS????? AND SO SHE OF COURSE INSTEAD COMES FROM THE BACL AND THE DAMN ROOM EXPLODES AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A DAMN GODWESS AND SHE’S LIKE HIIIIIIIII AND GRINNING AND ALSO COMES IN JACK ANTANOF (SPELLING IDK IM CURRENTLY OFFLINE SO I CANT CHECK), TWO OF THE HAIM GIRLS, AND RUBY ROSE AND THE ROOM IS LIKE SHATTERING

AND SO SINCE SHE IN THE BACK SHE STARTS MAKING HER WAY THROUGHHHHHH US AND IS GRABBING PEOPLE AND PEOPLE ARE STANDING UP AND HUGGING HER AND HOLY CRAP

Okay lololol shoot I just woke up and didn’t realize the rest of this story was notttt in constant caps like I’ve been using all day my bad my bad

And so she’s playing the songs in order off the album and I think it’s okay to say that her and jack are losing their minds because they’ve never gotten to experience our reaction to new stuff they’ve worked on when they’re together, and definitely not together and in person, so she kept being like this is so cool for us you have no idea and he’s in the back confirming lololol

And so anyway she gets to Look What You Made me Do and she’s like soooo how do we want to do this??? Do we want to keep sitting do we want to dance…??? And we’re all like DANCEEEEEE SHDHIEOKRKR and shes like okayyyy we’re dancing and Shaina this is deadass like straight out of a dream.  Actually wait no I couldn’t have imagined this, but she starts and I was anticipating part of this but not the whole thing…

So she obviously doesn’t just have us bopping along and staying and dancing on her own up front… she starts making her way into our basically tiny crowd and we’re so packed together that she’s grabbing people’s hands so she doesn’t fall as she goes. And she’s stopping and dancing with people and stops and stays dancing like staring at one guy and he’s going for it and not afraid and singing the lyrics dramatically right back to her….

And then she makes her way towards and wait for it

GRABS MY DAMN HAND AS SHE’S TRYING TO GET FARTHER INTO THE MIDDLE AND I’M LIKE OKAY OKAY JUST CHILL SHE JUST GRABBED MY HAND NO BIGGIE AND IM LIKE SHES GONNA KEEP WALKING LIKE THAT WAS MY MOMENT RIGBT?!?!

NOOOOOOOOOOO SHE STOPS THERE ONCE SHES BY ME AND IS DANCING WITH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE AROUND HER BUT HER BACK IS TO ME AT THIS POINT BUT IM STILL LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE AND THEN SHE FREAKING ASS TURNS THE HELL AROUND AND IS DANCING! WITH! ME! LIKE! SHES! LOOKING! AT! ME! AND IM LIKE JAMMING OF COURSE AND SCREAMING THE LYRICS AND I LITERALLT DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN

And then Vanessa (my Shawn buddy) at this point has scooted up to me cuz everyone’s shifted and the people around me are like dude holy shit SHE DANCED WITH YOUUUUU

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay okay so after the whole album was played she gave us like the lowdown on the meet and greet portion and she passed out the target exclusive magazines for us to see while we waited and talked a bit about the making of them and why and things and she’s really pumped about them and they worked really hard to have them be affordable as possible and cut down the pages and things

And meanwhile like the whole night she’s so close that people would make comments and she’d hear and respond and it was so cute and amazing

Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned her outfit yet???  She’s been looking bomb at all of the other sessions and holy helllll she looked bomb like damnnnnnnnn she had on a black crop top and these high waisted and slightly folded down camouflage pants and these black boots and her hairrrrrrr this era is like natural curls and soooo damn cute

Okay okay so anyway we thought it was a greattttt idea to wait towards the end so we could stay longer and not go first and be done and sent home… yeah well it ended up being a not great idea because we ended up waiting two hours but I’m obviously not complaining one freaking bit

And she’s doing pictures in the other room so we can’t really see much for most of it but every so often we can see people talking to her and taking photos and it’s so cute it’d melt your hearttttttt

And so those of us that have bonded together at this point are like um shoooooot what pose and what the hell do I say to her??????? Like all week to my parents I was like ummmmm soooooo I’ve imagined this happening but like never thought it’d actually happen so unlike some people I had nottttt planned like a monologue of what I’d want her to know if I ever met her???? Like with Vance I was lost too but with my posters it was easier and I’ve seen him recently and yada yada but this is TAYLOR FREAKING SWIFT WHO IVE LOVED WITH MY WHOLE DAMN HEART SINCE I WAS FIFTEEN AND SHIT IM TEARING UP ON THE PLANE WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO HER WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO KNOW YOU’VE GOT LIKE TWO MINUTES WITH HER GOOOOO

And so we were all really curious if she’d somehow recognize us because people have been saying that they walk in and she shouted their name! And I’m like idk if that’s gonna happen but might as well see if not just ask if she’s seen anything idk idk???

So okay buckle up for like the greatest time of my entire damn life

So I walk in and hug herrrrrrrrrrrrr

And I wish to god I can remember everything she said but I was focusing so hard on keeping it together and saying my bit that I know for sure what I said and can put together mostly something the general sentiment of what she said if not it exactly. So we’re huggingggg and I say I think hiiiii it’s so nice to finally meet you thank you for having me I’m so excited to be here or something and she’s like awww thank you for coming!! And I’m like I have to know how did we all get picked, was it by you or your team or how did it happen?? And I don’t know what the first part of her answer was but she says so the people from LA have been picked for about a year, and the people from elsewhere (I’m guessing with exceptions) have been picked more recently like within the past few months so like now I know it has nothingggg to do with whatever we’ve been doing online recently…. It’s from at least when she first came back if not before and they realized we were active while she was away….

And so I’m like okay ali say something else so I’m like so I really like making concert posters and the first ones I ever made were for you and shes like aw thank you!! And I’m like I realized other people were making posters and I’d been a RA and I was like hey I can make some really bomb posters tooooo. And so I’m like the fist ones said ‘Taylor someday we’ll meet you even if it’s just in our wildest dreams’ and she grabs me and is like AND NOW WE’RE MAKING IT HAPPEN!!! And so I say after I got the phone call I was in my car listening to Ready For It and started bawling when she sings ‘in my dreams, I know I’m gonna be with you’ cuz I knew it was actually happening and shes like awwwwwww or something you get the idea

And so then I straight up start talking about my dad???

I’m like so my dad loves you and she’s like omg and I’m like no he adoresss youuu and is so sad he couldn’t come and she’s like awww tell him hi!!! And I’m like he loves your Out of the Woods piano Grammy performance and I say how I’d found him listening to it repeatedly and he wanted it on his phone. And she’s like he sounds amazing! And I’m like he is he’s awesome lol and I’m like actually and so him and I went and saw you at F1 last year and of course I’m like and I made signs for there too and so I describe them IN DETAIL like what they said, I realized later I told her I was from Oregon, because I said they were the states and the dotted line and the paper airplane and I think she really liked that??? And as if that all isn’t already insane enough at some point in there I mentioned how this month has been insane and how I’d met Vance Joy and it was my birthday and now this and she said something excitedly about that like ahhh so much excitement or idk something about it. And so she’s like so what pose would you like to do? And I’m like I’ve really been going back and forth between just hugging or doing something sort of funny (low key said that hoping she’d be like girl let’s do both but lololol it’s okay) so she’s like it’s completely up to you!! And I’m like um um okay let’s just hug so she grabs me and we take the freaking photo and ahhhhhhhh

And so Vanessa and I had it planned out and she had me go first and at this point I was like would it be okay if my friend and I got a photo with you together and she’s like of course!! So V comes in and hugs her and we take one photo together and she squeezes us together tight and then I hug her one last time and thank her and say I love you so much (lol I had to throw it in other people forgot it and have been upset) and then I walk out and they hand me my merch bag and are directing me to the bus but I’m like can I wait for my friend and they’re like sure. So she comes out and she’s like SHE KNEW MY NAME SHSJEKOFN and she’s like yelling and I’m like shut up and I grab her and I’m like shhh shhhhh hahahaha and so we walk to the bus and it’s the funniest thing cuz they’re just waiting for it to be full so anytime someone new walks on everyone’s like SPILLLLLLLLL

And then once it was full we went back got our things, exchanged details with people on that bus and took photos and whatnot and turned our phones on to the madness anddddddd so well thats the story of the best damn day of my life

~

Taylor, thank you thank you thank for giving me such incredible memories that I’ve blown up the phones of every person I know, and have talked every person’s ears off that I’ve met during these past 365 days, about how special they are to me.  Thank you for making it happen, thank you for holding my gaze so intently and being so genuine every second I was talking to you, thank you for bringing me some of the best friends I’ve ever had, thank you for being so prominent in the highlights of not only this past year, but this past decade.  I love you forever, babe.  Long, long live October 22, 2017.

So what are your opinions about Game of Thrones S8 now that we are more than halfway through the last season?

Is season 8 of Game of Thrones living up to your expectations? What did you think of episodes 3 and 4? And what about Gendry and Arya?(im just gonna put these together so my answers aren’t redundant, i hope thats cool) (also this is so long why cant i just answer a question and move on)

i uhhh dont know. am i enjoying myself as i watch the episodes? definitely, but i feel likes its more so that im enjoying them for what they are if that makes any sense. i didn’t quite have specific expectations, but what i can say is that i didn’t expect this season and the interactions to feel so fan fiction-ey which sometimes can be great but sometimes not so much, and this felt like the latter at times. now look, if you put together all the different chunks and episodes and out of order sittings then ive probably watched the show 2-3 times, but im not some massive got/asoiaf veteran and im not gonna sit here and claim to have this major insight on characterization or anything, but sometimes…. hm. i might enjoy some stuff while watching it play out (conversations/pairings etc) but it doesn’t feel… authentic? back when i watched certain characters in earlier seasons and thought “i wonder where their storyline will go/end” it feels like i’m not actually getting their grand ending or the culmination that i always theorized about bc this season can feel like, idk, a fan pleaser? so sometimes its hard for me to feel like “ahhh THIS is where that was heading!” bc a part of me just feels jarred/like im not actually, wholeheartedly buying it. which i mean, fuck what im buying bc its happening regardless. but still. 

but thats not to say that its all negative! i honestly am having a really good time with it, and ive re watched every episode at least one and im not one of those people thats like “aghhhh fuck this show already i only care about __ and ___and other than that im over it” i am very much not over it and am still firmly by the balls. 

episodes 1-2 (you didnt ask but ill say just to be collective) i was initially kinda pissy with the first 2 bc even if they had enjoyable scenes in itself, they felt like the kind of scenes that would randomly be scattered throughout an actual potty, storyline moving episode, and i feel like i just got 2 weeks of filler scenes compiled into an episode. but the way i’ve rationalized it to myself is unlike earlier seasons where these kind of scenes are used as additives, the story is essentially over here. we’re coming to the end and there isnt much room anymore for convoluted plot. my younger brother told me i complained about season 7 feeling too rushed and now it took its time more and that also chilled me out, so looking back im feeling better about them.

episode 3: I REALLY LIKED IT OKAY. idk what it is about battle of the bastards but for some reason nothing manages to top it bc that shit really had me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but the battle of winterfell was NICE. i wont lie im a masochist and hoped for more deaths, but i also have this ongoing theory that the show isnt going to end in as much mass death as everyone is expecting (which bothers me lol) so that would explain that. i must say i was pretty disappointed with the white walkers (overarching storyline and also kinda their ending) but i can answer that separately if someone cares bc this is long enough but the episode as a whole still had me like WEEEEEEEE.

episode 4: i know people are up in arms but i liked it?? it was another example of just a lot of conversations and an exciting collection of what is technically not much but like i said for ½, theres only so much plot that can be fleshed out at this point so given that, i was feeling it. (JON AND TORMUND!!!!!) but it was also as a whole often another case of “is this got or got fic” (see: brienne and jamie. i also have Thoughts that i can give if curious) (bronn also came out of literally fucking nowhere but i will suspend disbelief bc i LOVE HIM and i LOVE HIM WITH THE LANNISTER BROTHERS)

gendry and arya: listen, i love them! i really do! i was absolutely giddy every time they interacted in the beginning of the season and i was straight up whooping when they had sex, but for some reason their scene in ep4 just felt like.. a lot. it was really jarring to me and something about it rubbed me the wrong way, even tho i technically do want them together. i actually liked arya’s response (even tho it made me Sad) but i also wouldn't rebel if they somehow still work out in the end, so who really knows how i feel.

im gonna stop here bc you didnt ask for any of this vgbcfhd sorry i ramble

Episode 5 | Forgive Me Cowtown For I Have Sinned - Ari

ohhhhh i found something JUICY tonight!!! so yesterday the hosts got tired of me constantly asking how many fuel i have and gave me the command to view it, and i knew i was outta points so i was like ok cool we'll check it out tomorrow. TURNS OUT the scorekeeper bot shows you not just your personal points.... but the points of everyone in the game.... and WHOM is number two on that list with 36 entire points? that's right. my best friend keegan. my first thought was wtf ew how did he already recover from my sabotage, i feel zero percent guilty about doing that now! and then my second thought was WAIT...... this is PERFECT. so you can bet i ran right to all three of my allies to be like "hey omg i found something shady :0 didn't keegan say all his fuel got blown up the other day? well i pulled some receipts and it turns out he still has all of it! why would he lie about that??? so sus!" and now i'm laughing because there could not be a more perfect excuse to get him gone!!! i'm not gonna push it any more than that right now - for all i know, we'll prob win the next challenge again - but i've tucked the ammo away in my pocket, planted the ari seed in jonathan and zoe's heads, and i'll let it sit pretty there until i need it. also, i ended up telling ali what i did to keegan simply because he is 100% not going against me and i needed someone to tell me i'm funny, so i also let him know about this plan o mine and that we could use this against sir keegan, which he's so down for. god. i cannot wait to tell mj about all this shit.

Jacob being voted out of NuTrian is the second best thing that could have happened. Preferably Nathan but my OG Andro and Jessie are safe so that’s very good. Now we’ve got a Guess Who challenge which is okay. I don’t care if we get first or second, I just really really don’t want to get last. Let’s keep the good vibes going and be safe for a fifth straight tribal council. Ali told me he scored 11 points, I scored 10. I hope Zoe can whip out her survivor magic with a score of 8 or 9. And then hopefully Jonathan can pull out a good score as well. Nathan and Zach have both scored 12 on this challenge before, so I can only hope they keep up with that and score high again. Gotta make sure those other tribes flop. I’m still incredibly uncertain about how to play this steal a player advantage. It’s possible we ride this 3 tribe split all the way to merge. My guess is merge at 11 or 10. That would be quite a few tribals to go without another swap but it’s certainly possible. Though I could absolutely see a swap now at 12. Two tribes of six, and then merge at 10. A final 3 with 7 jurors perhaps? Either way, I think I’ll hold on to this advantage until it seems likely that I’ll need it. No sense in causing some chaos if it isn’t necessary.

ok so i'm doing well in challenges rn, as best as i can at least, and i feel like that's the only thing keeping me alive bc.... nobody talks to me. i feel like i'm starting every one on one conversation and desperately trying to keep it alive and not be left on read. idk if they're like this with each other or if its just me but !!!!!! it doesnt make me feel good abt potentially losing a challenge. so i will just keep carrying my weight and keeping my cute little head down and pray im just being paranoid<3

WELL We lost the immunity challenge which is the first loss after four straight immunity wins. That was a nice little break while it lasted. The obvious choice right off the bat is to vote for Ali. Keeps the OG Andro tribe fully intact, and avoids the most possible drama. However, I worry he might have found the Circi idol from his original tribe. Plus whatever advantage he may have gotten from the first challenge of the season. So the alternate thought is to maybe vote for Jonathan or Zoe. I adore Ari would not want to vote them out. It's tempting to throw a vote on one of them in the event of Ali playing an idol, just to keep myself safe. But if Ali doesn't have an idol, that could cause a whole world of issues. On the flip side, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if some or any of my tribe mates decided to throw my name under the bus. I haven't been the most social person and while I have definitely pulled my weight in the challenges, I could see them having their own little group that's willing to throw my under the bus and make things as painless as possible for the rest of them, especially considering they've all said they like Ali a lot. Ahhh this is all so much worse considering I have the hidden immunity idol. I don't want to waste it, but I also don't want to pull a Kellee Kim and go home with it in my pocket. 

it's kind of ridiculous how well this is all going???? why havent they voted me out yet i am running this shit -talked to ali, told him he's gonna be fine we just need to get people to vote for keegan -talked to jonathan, convinced him keegan is the most logical vote "because he's shady" and because it also means we can vote ali easily next time (versus going down to andro 4 and having it get much more messy) -jonathan was like "should we tell ali right before the vote?" and i was like i think you should call him and see where his head is at and we can go from there, jonathan said ok good point, if he says he wants to vote keegan and he also tells you that without any prompting from either of us we know he's real about it -yeeted myself into ali's dms the very second jonathan hung up like OK LISTEN HERE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY WHEN HE CALLS YOU, HE CANT KNOW I TOLD YOU ANY OF THIS -ali called me half an hour later like "omg we had such a good talk i love jonathan now deadass, i told him exactly what you said to say and he's so down" -presumably in the morning jonathan will call me and say "wow had a great talk with ali he seems cool and great and he said he'd vote keegan, what did he tell you?" and i can say "yeah same he mentioned keegan so i think we're good!" and jonathan will feel like we Did This Together and ali will feel like i Did This For Him and everyone will be in love with me -all i have to do tomorrow is make sure zoe is on board & that she doesn't feel pushed, and prob call keegan and make him some vague promises about working together long term, and then cross my fingers that i don't get blindsided during my editorial meeting at 9pm est i am having so much fun

i just keep thinking about how funny it’s gonna be when we get to merge and mj tells me to vote out all these people i’ve been making f2s with and i’ll be like “okay!!!!<3”

Not to go back to INV this round, but not much has been going on. I've been keeping up socializing but since we're not going to tribal it's been more quiet than it has been last round. I'm really glad we won though bc I feel vulnerable if we go to tribal again. Cindi seems close to Nathan, and Nathan and Jessie seem closer to each other than they will be to me so I'm worried I'd be an easy vote. So I'm really hoping for a swap or merge tonight, or at least a challenge we can excel in. Don't want it to come down to one point again.

^_^ Okay, so no important updates with this tribe! It's freaking QUIET. I haven't talked to Zach or Silver at ALL since being with this tribe. I've talked to Jules a lot and Asya some, though. I'd like to work with the two of them if possible and if we ever go to tribal here, which I don't want to do because uhhh it's worrisome! Anyway, the only actual update I have is that I found the legacy advantage!!! Randomly at like 2AM I found it. I don't remember what I was doing exactly... I think I just went to watch the Circi round 3 tribal and then the Trian round 4 tribal... and then I think I went to watch the Tribe Swap video to see if there was some sort of announcement made regarded the Oxygen Tank amounts because I was confused why that number was changed more than double. I guess I was also thinking that since the hosts didn't make an announcement that the adventure was resetting at the swap then MAYBE there would be a new twist/advantage inserted elsewhere for this next phase of the game? Now, being the crackhead that I am, of course back on original tribes, I SEARCHED everywhere on the blog that I could think of. Extenders URLs, the source code, hidden hyperlinks - everything. Nothing was there. But in this case, my brain said, hmm, let's just scroll down and see if there's anything in the description of the Tribe Swap Youtube video...and... there was!! I didn't really know what it was at first but when I opened it everything CLICKED! Finally the Reem Cameo from launch night serving a bigger purpose made total sense. After seeing this link in the description though and realizing it was calling back to something we were told about night one, I went back and checked to see if this had been hidden all along, and of course it's literally in the description of the Cast Reveal video!!! and every other video after that!!! Keeping in mind that I found this 11 days into the game, I was like, oh there's definitely some nerd that found this instantly on night 1 so I'm probably just gonna get a message saying nothing here or something like that. Obviously that wasn't the case though. I think nobody found this because I lot of people operate via mobile in these, and Youtube descriptions require an addition click to reveal what's there. Alternatively, for desktop users, who the hell is scrolling down for any reason while you're watching videos from your ORG?? It's nothing something anyone does naturally. So that explains that. Anyway, I'm happy I found it even though it has absolutely no use until Day 39. I will say though that having this and knowing that, it has really motivated me to get to the end of this game. Coincidentally, HOURS before I found this, I had a conversation with Jules about how quiet this tribe has been and that I'd like to start working towards bettering our positions moving forward seeing as there are people here with more/stronger connections than either of us. I just love that I found an advantage that motivates me to start playing this game, exactly how I'd voiced to Jules about feeling a desire to start doing SOMETHING. We love a live narrative!!!! Anyway, I'm not gonna tell Jules about the legacy advantage because it's an advantage that incentivizes people to vote out the owner and have it passed on. I trust Jules, we go YEARS back and have to successful runs as allies under our belts, but this is just something I'd like to keep to myself. Earlier today I also decided that I'm probably never gonna tell Ari about it either if our paths ever (hopefully) cross in this game. I wanna surprise my bestie! At any rate, Jules did tell me that Zach and Asya seem like the type of players that only play on tribal days (at least in this case of this game) which is fine, but I've played a few super intense, intimate, and high-stakes ORGs in the past couple of years which has made me prioritize personal relationships with people over barebones game relationships. This makes dealing with people who aren't that interested in getting to know me or revealing themselves to me a SUPER off-putting experience and a drastic change of pace from what I've become accustomed to. But I'm totally capable of adapting to this environment... I just don't necessarily prefer it. I feel like I have room to connect with Asya on a personal level if given the chance. Zach and Silver I don't know. Although, I do think that if we ever lose immunity here I could for sure spit some game to Silver that would make him believe I want to work with him. I already have an idea of how that conversation goes, and the potential negative consequence of it is practically non-existent on this swap tribe, whereas it could have backfired on me if original Trian lost that third challenge. Anyway, I'll get into that whenever we lose or if I get bored and initiate that chat just to feel something lol

No tribal ever again until merge or swap please. Jessie would be the one I'd want out and I assume Jay would as well but she has Nathan's shard so, like, he'd lose that and then I lose my hope of getting both their shards and misplaying my first idol because I'm not good at survivor

Yayyyy we won immunity. Idk what much else to say except that I got 40 fuel tanks

today i am mad and sad. lost the challenge, was my fault bc purple not pink. no i will not elaborate. now ari jonathan and i have decided to save ali and vote out keegan. i hope it goes well. i am filled with anxiety. i don’t even want keegan to go, we just have to make the decision based on the fact that we don’t want to be seen as a tight alliance going into merge, and keegan can make it look like there was a crack therefore not making us look strong. but he is just sacrificial unfortunately. but we’ll see how it goes. i’m still anxious

Wow we won what a concept See what happens when we don’t throw comps ? Anyways yeah that’s it I guess lol

Honestly I I'm done with these hoes I'm ready to vote off Keegan 

This is definitely a very stressful and emotional tribal. I hate that we’re voting for Ali because he is a genuinely fantastic person and under different circumstances I think we could have worked really well together in this game. But when there’s a 4-1 tribe swap and the four of us have absolutely no beef with each other, there’s not a whole lot that can be done. None of my other 3 OG Andro players come across as big move players either. So unless I’m being straight up lied to and am about to get completely blindsided, it’s looking like a unanimous Ali boot. Which is incredibly sad. I really wanted us to win out until merge so we wouldn’t have to vote him out. But such is the game. Keegan signing off (hopefully not for the last time)

How would you describe Vernon, Jun and Joshus's voices? Both talking and performing. I love your blog soso much and love reading your tags so I was just wondering your take on their voices since I think these 3 have very particular voices

hi anon!! this is a really neat ask!! wow thank you for sending this in! under the cut are my opinions for each members (disclaimer: I have a really hard time putting things into words, so it might sound disjointed or awkward or smth idk lskjl) i’m so sorry this took forever!!!!!! 

vernon: i feel like i have a lot to say about his performance voice lkasjdlf but to start off with just his speaking…the first thing i think of is white chocolate? like it’s heavy but also very light and it mixes well and it’s smooth and connected but also somewhat separated. i almost feel like i get this professional vibe from him when he speaks at times? like its very neat? how he assembles his words laksjdf if that makes any sense. his voice also kind of disappears as he gets higher for some reason? curious about that he tends to stay in a range though so its hard to tell. when he raps though omg one of my favorite things about vernon is the way he uses inflection within his rap? like his rap in trauma!! it’s honestly my fav part in the song i love his ups and downs and how it creates tension and and how he changes the speed of his rap too and it just all comes together very nicely. when he sings, he tends to either ‘sing rap’ (like he does in city escape here) which is like basically almost all singing for the throat, or if its a ballad-like song he tends to introduce a lot of air in his voice (like in dwc. ok a word on dwc a bit, he pronounces the korean word for ‘word’ differently in studio than whats in the live and that way he sings it live just sends extra shivers up my spine theres something about it idk. i shouldn’t say different pronunciation its more a different inflection on the first syllable for the word ‘word’ its beautiful anywhos) but considering he’s a rapper he was probably directed by woozi or someone to sing like that when it comes to ballad songs. but interestingly enough, id say that his part in without you is more, ‘sing rap’ style than ‘breathy’ which is an interesting contrast to jeonghan and hoshis part before that….tbh ive actually thought of his part in without you as more of his ‘inflection rapping’ than a ‘sing rap’ you know? but idk  junhui: idk if its just me, but i feel like he speaks korean and mandarin with like two different voices? im not sure maybe im overthinking this but when he speaks korean i find that he stays on like this ‘lower’ sound more longer than he does when he speaks mandarin…? idk its weird to explain and again i could be overthinking alskjdf. when it comes to junhui why do i always blank out on words to describe him ahhh im trying to think of something that could related to his voice but i cant think of anything ahhh. i literally spent forever watching junhui videos to get ideas on how to express his voice in words but i think i got distracted….oh omg his speaking voice is really soothing? its like listening to a lullaby almost i dunno like his voice kind of flows together and doesnt have like sharp ends? (not that sharp voices cant be calming or are bad though!! i think shua has a ‘sharp’ voice…more on him below though). like his voice is smooth and rounded for the most part. idk why but this just came to mind: his voice is a loaf of freshly baked bread. like bread from the bakery that kind of feel is the best way i can put his voice to words laalsdj. when he sings, his voice get’s tighter as he gets higher.  i feel like he has this lisp almost? i listened to him singing in mandarin too bc he’s more  comfortable with that and the lisp is kind of present there too. he also has this like ‘hiccup’ sound when he finishes phrases something like that ‘voice hitching’ im not sure what else to call it. he also has a habit of singing with through/with his nose (if u just listen to the difference to how minghao vs jun sing the ‘ee’ sound here like jun is quite nasal) when he sings, his ‘o’ sounds are really really really pretty sounding (like in the korean version of my i). when he goes into falsetto its very fragile sounding it’s like a clear glass sparkling in the sun. i feel like if i could touch his voice it’d break (ie 13 month’s dance). joshua: (this might seem super random but i swear its relevant but) you know that one meme that’s super popular right now? the one where its the one with the person who speaks into a microphone, the crowd boos, and then theres a voice that speaks and ‘commands silence’? yeah thats hong jisoo. for me at least (i could be biased laksjf). amongst the chaos, his voice is usually one that stays calm and steady like a rock? like you just kind of want to stop and listen to whatever he’s saying and tune out everything else? whenever he starts talking i instantly feel my mind become at ease. kind of like what happens here! svt is wild before he speaks, calms down while he speaks, gets rowdy again after he finishes his sentence, calms down again while he finishes his thought by a second sentence, and gets rowdy once more after that. furthermore, he’s not someone who speaks fast; he takes his time when trying to get the words he wants to say out. also ive found that his ‘s’ sounds tend to be really enunciated? like i hear almost all his ‘s’ sounds as ‘ss’ (and its not just the letter s but like that specific sound so certain ‘c’ sounds as well). his voice to me also sounds like sticky almost…? like caramel!! that sort of texture is his voice his speaking voice also has this breathy quality that occasionally carries over to his singing voice, but he has his throaty moments as well when he sings (and when he talks too). when he sings, he tends to prefer switching into falsetto over mixing his voice as he gets higher in his vocal range, when given the choice. he does strain his voice quite a bit as he gets higher too. his voice also gets ‘thinner’ as he gets higher

Episode #9: “Beggars can't be choosers and I'm already on my knees” - Jack

Ok well never mind Drew just got booted which NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT??? Like if Matt had gone it'd have been one thing because I would've heard at least the name of the person who actually went, people might've been honest for once. But noooooooo let's create this Drew concoction and once again leave Jack out of a vote! I mean, would I have voted Drew out? I don't know, probably not. But still it's the principle. Was I kept safe? Yes, but another ally and former Cyrena left. My numbers keep dwindling and I am scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

So this round I want Mitch gone. I don't trust him too much, as I know he isn't as close to Bryce as I am. Which scares me cause Bryce is my ally right now. I know me and Mitch are in this 8 person alliance, but that shit means NOTHING to me. As I never said i wanted to be in it. So Ya FUCK THAT. Time for me to push mitch this round.

Drew is out but I decided to be honest about it with Michael. Ill talk with Chloe today and try and do some chatting with Jack too but beside that I usve hope for a few tribals wooo! Or maybe its time to die, we'll see ha

I’m already over this game and it’s final fucking 12. I shouldn’t have played I should’ve just hosted this is all my worst orgs on fucking steroids because everyone’s too busy fetishizing this anti-Cyrena agenda. I don’t care if it’s not a thing, there’s no reason to target Matt and I and leave us out of votes when we have 0 agency and are literally 2 votes up for grabs. But nobody gives a flying fuck about logical gameplay and like fine, be a moron, and have fun getting blindsided at 9th when all the easy votes are gone and you were too busy standing around with your dick in your hand to put yourself in a better position. Fuck this season and fuck this cast

Today's to do list:

Call Jared Yell at Jared Tell Jared he's not beating his Wakea placement Hang up Win immunity Cry myself to sleep

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"yikes, you’ve been shot!" is a common theme for me this season

Watching the immunity was pretty telling I'd say, as random as it was. Having it said, it's been down to Loris, Zach, and Bryce for hours now. THE smart thing is to give Bryce immunity and up his threat level, but alas we gotta get a  show out of it lol.

So uh.... forget everything I said about Jared I guess because he wants to work with me? Lmao. Idk man like, can I really trust anyone besides Michael and Matt at this point? Not really, but Jared is the ONLY other person to legitimately give me a lifeline here (I don't count Mitch/Chris or any of the BS Zach/Bryce are giving me) so I have to take it, find some footing, figure out if I can actually get through this early merge here. I'm keeping my head down unlike my past games and I'm letting the game come to me. Beggars can't be choosers and I'm already on my knees

I FOUND AN IDOL!! I cant say I thought this would happen but I am so happy that it did! I just hope I can do right by this immunity idol! I got help out of Stephen so I am just so thankful for that!!

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So I have this feeling things are not going to go the way I wish so. Rhys is gathering troops to get Mitch out and he's already gone to Bryce who told me and Zach, and Jared. How does he have numbers? BECAUSE HE HAS FLIPPED. We might as well should've had Kori in the chats because both have said the same thing as far as contributions go

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Now I am in a pickle, not knowing if Jared/Bryce/Zach all want to flip after they wnet on a call together. Its a little concerning not gonna lie. What makes this worse is that like we are putting ourselves in a position where we HAVE to do play certain way. I dont want to be 6-5 I want to have cushion and Rhys is doing exactly what I figured he would be doing just early. I need to figure out exactly how willing the others are for this before its too late

So last tribal was a little bit of a rough one and the day after wasn’t too great either I just felt drained the entire day but I didn’t sign up for all stars to lose after being blindsided I came to win and I need to do whatever I can to get that fighting spirit back. I’m not out of this yet and hopefully the relationships I’ve built plus the killshot results mean that we can get a nice little blindside going.

What’s the German word for when people ask you if you’ve heard anything about the vote knowing full well you haven’t been privy to any information all merge?

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Bryce telling me Mitch’s name??? 8.5 hours before tribal??? You really do love to see it. Michael told me Jared told him Mitch as well, so I’ll probably hear from Jared soon. This is beautiful stuff I could give less of a fuck about Mitch going. Everything’s coming up Millhouse!

These bitches are conspiring against me.

So, Rhys has been feeling antsy and decided he wants to flip on our 8. Tbh it's probably a smart move for him since he's the least incorporated of the 8 and would likely get 8th if my understanding of the situation is anything to go by. Soooo I can't exactly blame him, but, that's not all.

Bryce is ALSO wanting to flip. It seems so early for a well-connected member of the alliance to want to do something like that, so I imagine it's because he wants to play the middle between this group and the 4 outside of it. Rhys and Bryce may have leaked the alliance already, and, if they did that, then they also probably leaked how everyone was pretending Matt was the target at the last vote.

This group seems to be planning to vote Mitch out tonight, which isssssss bad. Very bad. Especially bad for me since he is one of my closest allies.

Chris found an idol, though, and I'm really hoping we can save it for late-game. There's still a chance this vote can turn around though. That's what I'm hoping for.

IM BEING DUMB IDK WHAT TO DO UGH I WANT MITCH OUT HTIS ISNT SMART THIS ISNT LIKE ITS NOT I KNOW THAT BUT IM DOING IT ANYWAY THIS IS A MISTAKE I KNOW IT IS JFAKDHK BUT IDK HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME BC I THINK PPL SAY IM A THREAT AND I CAN ONLY PLAY UTR SNAKE NOT THIS WHOLE KUMBAYAH THING PPL GOT GOING ON

hi. so . after I almost win immunity after it was given to bryce when hes  already won immunity in another social challenge, now bryce  wants to vote mitch because ‘he Doesn’t like him’. I don’t know who the votes going to be and I rlly like Mitch so like I’m gonna pray and try to make sure it’s not him :( Fuck bryce

Okay... so. This round has been quite a lot, and I am going to try to explain it piece by piece because I have probably played more game in this round than I have the rest of the game combined.

Rhys told me that he wants to flip, and then Bryce told me that Zach also wants to flip (along with himself) against Mitch. I did not want to deal so I went to sleep.

I called Zach the same night and tried to gauge how much trust he has in me by admitting that Rhys wants to flip, and seeing how he would react towards me. He played very coy which is very... Zach.

Bryce told me that he went to Chris about flipping and that Chris shut it down, so I quickly went and leaked to Chris and showed my disinterest in flipping. I made a plan to call Zach and Bryce and try to convince them that this was the wrong move. (Keep in mind this was all the same night, after the immunity results.) I thought I made up some ground and pointed them in the direction of targeting Michael, but I would soon realize that they were just placating me. The call ended with Zach saying that he wanted to get Stephen's thoughts in the morning.

Come the morning, I hatch this crackhead plan to get Mitch the merge idol. According to Stephen from the night before, we were only 11 steps away from the end of the bridge. At 9 AM Bryce quickly searches and says "IT APPEARS WHATEVER WAS ONCE HERE IS GONE AHHH" (I was using my 3 person alliance to get myself or Bryce the idol, not knowing that I would regret doing that.) Being that Bryce said the exact line as if something were missing, I thought there were a couple possible scenarios: 1. He straight up lied. 2. Stephen actually got to the end of the bridge the night before. 3. The night before after everyone had guessed, Bryce took the numbers to a 3rd party (Zach) so they could get the idol.

So that plan was dead. I then considered, "what if I give Mitch my idol?" I quickly realized I would probably regret that in a few rounds.

I spent the rest of today formulating a plan to position myself in everyone's good graces no matter what the outcome of the vote is. I told Rhys I would help him recruit the minority to vote Mitch. I messaged all of them about the vote, and then I came clean with Chloe on call saying that "even though the vote is Mitch, we should be aware that it aligns with Bryce and Zach's agenda and they threw your name." I then communicated to Chris, Loris, and Stephen what Rhys said and my distaste for flipping.

You may wonder where the sudden distrust for Bryce came from. Well, Chris told me that Loris said "Bryce had this planned before immunity (voting for Mitch)." I'm thinking Bryce probably just used me to get to Zach but still wants us to be the F3. My interests don't seem to be aligning with theirs.

With that being said I will likely be voting for Mitch tonight. RIP to the brodie, you deserved better. I will try my best to put off using my challenge advantage and my idol for as long as possible, and I will be trying to play both sides between the Zach/Bryce duo and Chris.

So I’m finally in danger of going (love that). I’m praying someone doesn’t have an idol because I feel like the rehidden one has been found. It’s between me and matt but if I stay which I think is likely, I have to do a better job communicating. I think that’s what got me in this position in the first place. If this is my last confessional I really hope jared Stephen or Chris wins. They are all playing solid games and I will be cheering them on from the sideline

jared thinks hes so funny calling zach but not me like. all i demand from allies is complete loyalty and that they talk to no one else. is that asking too much???

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Mitch is voted out 6-5-1. He becomes the 1st member of our jury!

Watch his exit interview below: