Thinking about the Ship of Theseus and.

So what if she's not the same ship?

Are you the same person you were a month ago? A year ago? What about five years?

You aren't. And that's okay. The Ship of Theseus is something where, ultimately, the answer doesn't matter. Because she's still a ship, she's still standing, she's still water tight and she still keeps her crew afloat and at the end of the day that matters so much more than if she's still the same as yesterday

highkey shaking my fist that i watch a playthrough of a game and then immediately get video recs that are like "ending explain"

do not explain it to me. i understood.

"Look at our stands fight!! Mine is above yours!- Oh wait... oh my goodness.. oh.. i don't think they're fighting actually..."

You once asked me why I like the moon. This must be rhetorical

“Because it’s the only visible light in the sky that I can’t touch”

It was a lie. I like the moon because you gave it to me. There was no damage done to it. I am not the moon. The craters have always been there. It was the only present you gave to me that I can keep forever. It’s special to me. So special that I consider living on it waking moment. This is your gift to me. I will take this moon and cherish it. Keep it as my own. You didn’t make the craters to the moon. Perhaps they were already there before you came. You’ve opened my eyes to what I can see. This moon is now mine. I love you. I love you for giving me soemthing I can’t touch. I love you for giving me nothing I can physically grasp. I love you for leaving me with emptiness. But perhaps I left you with nothing too. Maybe our gift to each other is the moon. Can we cherish it and keep it as our own. It’s a symbol of our love and I thank you for that

~abyss secret whispers to the shadow

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ ﾟ☀︎ ⋆｡ ﾟ daily thoughts ｡⋆｡ﾟ

✮ date : Tuesday, 17 October 2023

✮ mood : kinda stressed ?

✮ tdlr ; meeting with English professor and he is going to kill me on the spot maybe?

Good morning, everyone! Please wish me luck! Today, I have a meeting with my English professor who’s class I am currently a week behind on an essay for. I am so scared he will ask me about it. I do not know what I’ll say, either. “I’m trying my hardest,” doesn’t sound honest enough to even fool myself into believing. Am I really trying my hardest? Why isn’t it done then? You had plenty of time. If this is how I view myself, then how will a doctoral student view me? I’m so scared to find out.

Anyways, I’m trying not to make today bad. I dressed nice and professional for our meeting which ni know may sound strange but I think he will appreciate it. Additionally, I hope we can discuss ways I can make up some of the points I’m missing and hopefully, today, I will have my essay turned in with only 14 points deducted.

I do not know what’s going on with me, lately. I’m so so dissociated from everything going on I feel 2 things at once. I wanna put my mood as “happy but anxious” or “excited and exhausted” I’m so confused on how I feel. Which emotion do I actually feel and how deep is it? Lately I’ve been putting the negative emotion over the positive emotion, ie. I’m excited for my day and talking to my professor 1v1, however, I’m very tense and anxious about it and even, paranoid. So, my mood is tense. Is this just my borderline diagnosis doing it’s thang? Yeah, probably.

I don’t know, for some reason, I’m gonna remain hopeful as always. I’ll get better, things will get easier. And, I have people who care about me.

✮ morning rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

CARRD UPDATE

(moving gif warning, everything is greyscale)

finally updated our carrd lmao. it’s a lot accurate now and doesn’t have a bunch of system info (why did we do that idk) check it out :)

I cast a shadow into the void. This is a silhouette highlighted in a fog, a dizzy effect and a very strange feeling as if you are looking into the abyss of yourself

ya boi just managed to recolor that fricking cat/dog sweater from cats and dogs, I wanted more rainbow colors for the cat design so I did that shit myself and I'm happy. Also making palettes is fun apparently.

having an fp (favorite person) who has a different fp is a literal form of torture. i have to watch the person who means the entire world to me lose his mind over somebody else and it fucking hurts. i know it’s really selfish and disgusting to wish you were somebody’s fp but god don’t i deserve it from him?? after everything i’ve done and after all he’s put me through i think i deserve his love and i think it’s fucking gross that he’d rather cry over an abusive asshole than treat me with any kind of respect

okay high key i'm watching an alone in the dark playthrough and i need to know that ruth and emily are a ship

99% sure i have low empathy and it gets "worse" as time goes by.

Same with "love". At some point i was alloromantic only. Over time its become aromantic.

I think it has something to do with the events in my life. Tbh.

Abyss Thursdays

By Thursday I’m dead, the world has kill me and left no Reminence of who I was

Hollow as if I weren’t already a self-made abyss, sunkin into the very heart that keeps me alive.

~Abyss

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ ﾟ☀︎ ⋆｡ ﾟ daily thoughts ｡⋆｡ﾟ

✮ date : Monday, 15 October 2023

✮ mood : ignoring it

✮ tl;dr : world against me but I’m against it so we’re mutuals

Hello everyone! I hope everyone is doing lovely today! I’m doing alright, just finished 2/3 classes I have today so yippee! I am more than almost done! My final class is a scavenger hunt so I don’t even know much of class that is even going to be? Either way, after that class I have to stay till 9PM because that’s when my bf (and driver) gets out of his last class. I will use the time to hopefully catch up on all the stuff I am behind on but who knows how much adhd will operate.

Off topic, my pain is bad again today and it’s really my low back, which isn’t a typical area of focus for my back pain. So, I think I’m either have pre-menstrual cramps or a kidney infection? It’s been more than a week without any other symptoms but low back pain so maybe my birth control is just giving me a false period or somethin. I’ll worry when it feels deadly.

Regardless of my negligence, I’m just very overwhelmed lately. My pain is super bad, my classes are overwhelming me, my dads memorial was last week, and halloween and my birthday are just around the corner. Is there any time for me to freeze, recuperate, or recover? Not really, but maybe that’s what’s expected of me? I keep telling myself I’ll pull through and I’m sure I will. I just wish I had some help or some way to make it all easier.

On top of all of this, they banned vuse menthol?!! Like, girl wtf :/ the FDA is just another agency rooting for my downfall. I hope the company wins their case against the FDA because while I believe food must be able to be FDA approved for the safety of the American people, I also believe we should have the choice to choose whether we give a shit or not about something being FDA approved. Additionally, they claim that menthol is a flavor that children prefer, and plan to make all menthol cigarette and vape products illegal, mainly focusing on Newports. 1.) literally insane the FDA is blatantly focusing on the lower income nicotine products like Vuse and Newport. 2.) vuse said that the FDA is going against their mission of reducing the amount of nicotine used and I have to say I full heartedly agree. Banning menthol will make already addicted children switch to cigarettes. Most if not all teens and adults I have met, prefer an actual cigarette to any tobacco flavored pod. You’re literally getting the rid of vapings original purpose of reducing smoking because no body wants that nasty ass flavor.

Okay, I’m done going off!! Hopefully, I’ll post an entry tonight but if not I’m just busy with school work and that’s good too!

✮ morning rating: ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

abyss.txt isn't completely dead I promise!