WHAT TYPE OF PROTAGONIST ARE YOU?

healer’s burden .

most of what i can say here is sheeesh....yikes.....ouch.... so you don't have a savior complex, because you understand that's toxic.  you're here to heal them, with or without them knowing, because you love so much and care so deeply and you're very stubborn about it. there's no one on this earth that you wouldn't give a helping hand to.

--but it's called a burden for a reason, because this isn't a one-person job. as a protagonist, you're determined and selfless, but as a person, you probably need a break. heal yourself for a little, okay?

tagged by: @lykaiia  tagging: @farginen @zelotae @draculace @kazeoto @resolutepath @realmforged​ @nulltune​@autogeek @hongdiwang​ @unmachine​ @ryusxnka​ @sheyearns​ @pontevoix​ @akashicmuses @redemptioninterlude @toshapeshift @heartsealed @kikeikirei @blanchette @sanctichor @hiisfire​ @yorhatypeb @whipslayer + you!

It's about Crowley bearing witness to Aziraphale's desire, about the way that desire is animal and visceral and enormous and terrifying*. And about how Crowley sees that and wants it. Crowley offers the ox rib and watches Aziraphale eat because eating provides them no sustenance, it's purely for pleasure, sensual, selfish. And Crowley introduces Aziraphale to this, and thousands of years later still takes obvious pleasure in feeding Aziraphale, in watching him eat. In watching Aziraphale's pleasure.

And I think it's significant the things we see Crowley put into his body in s2, and why: six shots of espresso, as something bracing before seeing what it is that made Aziraphale call him in his "something's wrong" tone; whiskey, because he has to give Aziraphale some bad news; wine, because they "might as well get comfortable" during the storm coming down on Job, after Aziraphale learns that Crowley is actually pretty unhappy with Job's suffering; and poison, to dispose of it so Elspeth (or Wee Morag, I've fogotten which is which) doesn't die. Crowley doesn't take Aziraphale's "something that calms you down", only consumes things that not only don't bring him pleasure but are an attempt to prevent pain. Crowley, who introduced Aziraphale to this important physical, sensual, selfish pleasure, denies it to himself. He denies himself the eccles cakes, he denies himself partaking in food, and he denies himself Aziraphale.

And we see throughout the rest of the season other things he's denying himself: the comfort and safety of a home in the bookshop in favor of the mobility and ready-made escape of living in the Bentley, the surety of saying what he really means during the confession. He cannot bring himself to admit what he wants, that he wants. Gabriel and Beelzebub "going off together" is not what he wants. He wants Aziraphale, but he doesn't say that, because he's never, in the years and years and years we've seen this season, let himself want or be seen wanting. "Going off together" is as close as he can get to speaking it. "A group of the two of us" is as close as he can get. So he has to watch as Aziraphale leaves and takes his pleasure in the world with him.

Yes I adore Whumpees who talk their way through the pain of field surgery. Yes I equally adore Whumpees who are so delirious with pain that all they can do is scream around the bit as Caretaker works to remove a bullet or suture a gash. When Caretaker has to hold a thrashing Whumpee still, whispering an endless stream of apologies underneath their wordless sobs of pain.

Hazel and Jason's dynamic is SO fucking disappointing now that I'm binge reading the books again. It was so frosty and distant. Jason was literally just mistrusted and "not like what she expected him to be" in 90% of her Hoo POVS it's sad really. I really wish they would bonded properly. So much potential for friendship just down the drain.

Hazel's unwillingness to forgive Jason for suspecting Nico was genuinely pissing me off I'm sorry 😭 like I never thought I'd get mad at Hazel of all people bc she is literally a sweetie, but she's infantilized way too much in the fandom, so her flaws are easily overlooked, but like she literally went all volcano on Jason and held a grudge against him till House of Hades too? Like I get that she worried about her brother and stuff I'd be mad too. But it's the fact that she selectively forgave Leo SO quickly and never even yelled at him (even though he's the one who started the suspicion in the first place even jokingly called nico creepy and stuff behind his back not that I'm trying to fault him or anything I love him)

look I'm not saying it's all Leo's fault or anything, in my opinion, both Jason and Leo were right to suspect nico because of how back and forth nico went from both camps without saying a word and also pretended to not know percy and stuff. So it's realistically shady behaviour from their pov.

But Hazel gets all sweet and soft on Leo because of Sammy and forgives him in a heartbeat, tbh tho she never really directed her anger on Leo in the first place so there was nothing to forgive. But when Jason apologizes, she gets all cold and frosty like accepting his genuine apology is the hardest thing she has ever done?? Like?? Hazelnut I love you and all, but you just accused Jason of unfairly judging nico but you ironically unfairly judged Jason and went all sweetheart on Leo?? Contradiction much?? Either forgive both of them or don't forgive either of them? Why the bias?

Then in HoH she goes on a whole lot of yapping about how she doubts his capabilities as if she didnt just idolize him like 5 minutes ago RIGHT after he encouraged her that she was doing well and included her as a part of the team?? Idk, she was so petty with him and for what?. I just found it unfair that Jason considered hazel a friend but she didn't consider him one and just fully went all judgy mode on him for the rest of the series. she holds on an even bigger grudge than nico lol. she literally did anything but forgive him or give him a chance. so ooc.

Also, In TOA, I found out Hazel told Apollo that she talked to Jason's ghost after he died, to yell at him about how much his sacrifice had hurt Piper :/ like rlly? Out of all the things you could say to a person you idolized who made a lifechanging sacrifice, you guilt trip him for the sacrifice instead of gratitude? Ig she may have been raging out of grief or something but I honestly didn't like the way their dynamic ended. So incomplete. Just another reason of why I found fanon way better.

Hazel coming in terms with the fact that jason is a boy, and not a legend would've been sm better. since the seven basically signifies friendship and comfort. him being a boy with feelings is basically the whole point of his character, but it only gets acknowledged by nico and leo. hazel of all people would've understood jason's internal struggle, she has literally come back from the dead, if anyone knows about struggle, its her.

sweet dreams

excerpt from hounds, ch. 48

an old pov returns :) and you will get no more context outta me than that

wanted to offer something, in lieu of posting just yet — progress is not steady but somehow still quite productive? i’ll write three chapters in as many days and then simply Lapse (c’est la vie — i do best bouncing between projects, so it sort of works) anyways, all things being equal, should be on track for my self-imposed january completion :) much love to all of you <3

there's something really really bittersweet about how shadowheart is so obviously surprised and touched by tav remembering that she likes night orchids. it's one of the rare little things she could keep away from shar, something she wasn't robbed of, the last remembrances of a person she was, she used to be, maybe she still is — and by act 1 when she doesn't question her loyalties at all, deep down she knows shar can take that away too and she will obey as a good sharran she is. and now there's a person that will carry these last echoes of her memories for her so she can remember too, so she can be sure it was — it is real; and maybe there was someone who was doing the same once, who was preserving shadowheart they knew, shadowheart who was brought to the mirror again and again so she can be broken and rebuilt anew, but still loved night orchids and animals and stood up for the ones she cared about and couldn't help but act a little dramatic — but she can't recall who they were, their face nor name. and maybe one day shar will take tav away too, make them just another blank space in her mind — and it's sad and it's scary, because now once again there's a thought, an idea, a realisation in her half-emptied mind, that the thing is, it's not true that shar is the only one who cares for her, maybe it's never been; the thing is, every time she's brought to that mirror so there can be no one left but lady of loss

Soooo. I’ve read the demo of @defiledheartsblog and may I JUST SAY.

I did NOT PLAN TO FALL FOR THE FCKIN CENTURION BUT THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS IS TOO STRONG. ITS SO SLOW BURN AND EVERY SECOND IS TOO GOOD. I’m too into the VIBE of their “relationship”

The threatening his life. The feeling I need to kill him and him just— existing and saving my life. Like. What the hell?

It’s very good. If u like interactive fictions like me. Go read this one.

We as a society do not talk enough about Tara enduring Glory‘s torture to protect Dawn! Like Glory crushed Tara’s hand to the point that it bled and she still wouldn’t give up any information that would harm Dawn, despite being terrified that she was going to lose her life and her mind, and like! She did that for Dawn! Because she loves Dawn! Because she would die before she let harm come to her friend Dawn, to her surrogate little sister in their chosen family and! I’m gonna cry!

i only want love triangles if it's whatever fucked up polygon junmo kicheol and euijeong have going on

im literally shaking with adrenaline i cant believe you guys had me convinced it was bad. what the fuck.

I’ve been mentally lying on the ground in a forest glade being SO fucking Normal about Gandalf calling Frodo Bronwe athan harthad, Endurance Beyond Hope

is everything terrible or is it just the damp of the first spring rain

Pray for me, fellow Sanji simps. I have arrived…at the Fishman Island arc.

do you love life?

i do. life is hard, but i am glad i chose to stay and live when i was 19. hold life like a face and say, yes, i will take you, i will love you again.

jj abrams should be tarred and feathered for what he's done to modern science fiction but nothing will ever beat Zachary Quinto's LLAP mic drop after that high council vulcan bitch asked him if he was fronting bc of an emotional need to rebel