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ahundredtimesover · 3 years

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He’s Leaving (FNTO 2)

They weren’t kidding when they said everything you touch turns into a mess.

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: strangers to friends to lovers, popstar/idol!jk, fluff, angst, future smut; this is a dialogue-heavy series so read if you’re into that! JK’s angry in this one

Warnings: foul language, these characters talk alot bc I talk alot, eventual smut

Word count: ~12,000

Series summary: You meet pop star/idol Jeon Jungkook at the cafe, you get close, and as Hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. But you’re bad at feelings and so is he.

series masterlist

A/N: This takes place 7 months after that night Y/N’s ex shows up! Italicized parts refer to past events. And since I’d mentioned this was initially for Harry, I remember now that Home by 1D was my mood for this, so listen to it as soundtrack (getting emotional while listening to it & thinking about how this ends)!

He’s leaving.

You stare blankly at the wall dividing your living room and bedroom and say the words once more, in your head and then out of your mouth.

He’s leaving.

You say it over and over again, alternating between question and statement.

Jungkook’s leaving.

“Yes, Y/N, that’s what I just said.” Jimin mutters over the phone.

“But why? I mean, since when does he leave ahead of all of you guys?”

“He decided to schedule a meeting with one of the producers he’s working with for his mixtape. It isn’t with your cousin, though, otherwise Jieun would’ve told you,” Jimin responds.

It’s the first week of August and the first show of the next leg of their world tour isn’t until a week from now, but Jungkook’s already headed to L.A. and he didn't even tell you about it. In fact, he hasn't said a word to you in the last five days, which is oddly surprising.

“He hasn't spoken to you?” Jimin asks, picking up on your thoughts. Perhaps your silence gave away the frustration you were feeling.

“Nope,” you reply, the sadness in your voice unmistakable.

“I hope you don't think I’m one of those people who’s gotten so attached to him that being ignored for five days feels like the end of the world… because it really isn’t. I’m just worried and confused,” you continue.

You aren’t blind. Jungkook’s surrounded by women, some vying for his attention, some wanting it back. They’d act out either way, displeasing him although he’d never say it out loud, but you were pretty sure you weren’t one of them. Right?

“Hey, of course not! As both of your friends, even I’m surprised. You two are like, inseparable, long-distance buddies,” he claims. “But to tell you the truth, I have no idea what’s going on either. Are you sure you didn't fight for real this time?”

No real fights, you say. Your arguments about who has better smelling detergent or your choice of movie to watch or him stealing your oversized sweatshirts were as far as you two went. You often had serious talks, but when you didn't see eye to eye, you always just agreed to disagree, and then it was back to petty fights and annoying each other like little kids again.

“I’ve to head out now, Y/N. I’m sorry I couldn't help, but I hope you two patch things up! Just call if you need anything,” Jimin says after a few more back and forth of questions and answers about how the past week or so has been, just to pick up on any clues as to why things just suddenly came to a halt. You put your phone away and sit on the couch.

A few months ago, it probably wouldn't have mattered if he didn't text or call for a day or a week. You couldn't even truly come to terms with the fact that you’ve become good friends with Jeon Jungkook, the ‘golden maknae’ and self-proclaimed international playboy of the biggest band in the world who has the unenviable position of being half the female population’s (and a good fraction of the male’s as well) dream everything.

It amazed you how this oversized-clothes wearing boy with a bunny smile and doe eyes and who liked to talk to insects and impersonate chickens and act out Ironman fight scenes could arouse the sexual musings of individuals of all genders and ages. But then again, he does have that mellifluous voice and has this tendency to hump the air and dance wildly enough to reveal his abs, so you do understand the collective reaction.

For a high profile celebrity like him, it seems natural to be drawn to people from the same industry, for romance purposes or otherwise. Much of it has to do with the fact that they get the lifestyle, as his other band mates have shared, some of whom having dated fellow pop stars and models. But you aren’t from the same circle, or clique, or planet. While you’re your university’s star athlete, volleyball isn’t religion here, so there isn’t any “lifestyle change” of some sort.

Before Jungkook, your only window to celebrity life was through Jieun, your LA-based music producer of a cousin. Yet, you’ve always been wary of the spotlight, and those who loved it too much, which is why it baffled you for quite a while why you were so fond of Jungkook. He loved the spotlight enough to make his job look so easy, but he felt real — so real you almost thought he wasn't.

The midway mark of September has rolled in. Once the celebrations of your championship win over the summer were over, it was back to focusing on work and school. You’ve started your probationary period at a research institute, and you’re riding out your fifth year of university after your senior year knee injury left you out of school for a month and out of the graduation rites. This meant a chance to actually win the championship, which you did, and to appease your ever growing interest in gender studies, you decided to take up a minor program too.

It’s 8 am on a Monday and you’re enjoying your iced americano at Annie’s, your aunt’s café that she lets you run to help sustain your lifestyle. You monitor the daily operations, which means checking up on it everyday, and since class isn’t until nine, you always have your breakfast here.

Your back is turned to the door and you’re packing up your stuff, laughing at something Woojin, your café manager, is saying.

You stand up, swing your bag strap to your right shoulder and without paying attention, turn to your left to head out. Except instead of going for the door, you go for a body instead. The next thing you know, you’re massaging the right side of your forehead because holy crap this person has a knife for a chin, or a shoulder, or whichever part of the person’s body hit you.

“Ow!”

“I. Am. So. Sorry,” the person says. His voice is low and raspy, sleepiness still evident in it, and he says those words as if each is a sentence on its own. “Are you alright?”

By this time it has registered. You are looking up at the man who made your then-65 year old Grandma shriek. But that was last year and you bet if she were still alive now, she’d do the same, probably even louder.

You could hear customers enjoying their morning coffee whisper quite loudly “Is that Jeon Jungkook?!” And then it registers again. Yep, it is.

Eyes wide, you tell him that “good thing I don’t have coffee or that pretty white shirt of yours would’ve been messed up.”

Really, that’s what you say?

God, you sound so stupid, so you bat your eyelashes and put on a smile, as if that would save you the embarrassment. He grins.

“Yeah, good thing you didn't,” he says, letting out a little laugh.

You smile again, a bit awkwardly though, just to acknowledge his appreciation of you not ruining his Monday morning. As you’re about to step to your left to go for the door this time, he furrows his eyebrows. “You look familiar. Have I seen you somewhere?”

Well, you know where you’ve seen him, but you don't say that. Instead, you mumble “probably in your dreams?” Again, what?

He laughs again, this time more loudly. You’re amused at the child-like tone of his laugh, a complete contradiction to his toned body and tattooed arm. Your eyes travel up. Right, that was his shoulder you hit, you realize.

This is such a turn-off. Why does he keep laughing at stupid things?

“That sounded different in my head. It wasn't supposed to be a pick-up line if ever you thought so,” you clarify.

“No I didn’t, but thanks for confirming,” he says. You notice him smirking.

“Well, that settles it, then. Bye!” You wave, and you go for the door, for real this time.

It was an interesting way to start the week. You rarely have VIPs entering your café, especially in this quiet part of town, and so it’s quite a surprise to have him check it out. What’s even more surprising is seeing him there again the next day.

Your back isn’t to the door this time, but you’re zoned in on the paper you’re working on, eyes focusing on the laptop screen. It’s only when you momentarily look up and see Woojin preoccupied and seemingly distressed on the phone that you hear someone say, “excuse me” with his inked hand up that you realize your VIP is back. You stand up, approach him, and ask what he wants to order.

Jungkook’s face lights up. “Well, good morning, dream girl,” he greets. You flinch at the thought of what you said the day before implied.

“Please don’t,” you plead, before exploding into laughter. “Not my best moment, eh?”

He smiles again, shaking his head as if agreeing to what you just said.

“What do you want to order?”

“So… Annie?” He diverts.

You aren’t sure if you’re happy that asking for your name means he won’t have to call you dream girl again, or embarrassed because now there would be a name to the face.

“Annie’s my aunt, but I help run the place. It’s Y/N.”

“And I’m Jungkook,” he says, putting out his hand, as if you don't know who he is, which actually impresses you. You’ve heard of famous people's tendencies to act like everyone knows them, making them forego the courtesy of introducing themselves properly. You shake his hand, a little calloused but soft nonetheless. “This is Sejin. He told me about this place and how good it is,” he continues.

“Which is why you’re here for the second day this week?” you ask, fishing for some feedback on your food.

“I wanted to get back at the girl who would’ve spilled coffee on my shirt yesterday. Turns out this place has some great food as well,” he says, a smile creeping onto his face. You aren’t quite sure what to make of this.

You insist on their orders, suggest your bestsellers, and turn it over to the kitchen. As you’re about to head back to your seat, he says, “I remember where I know you from!” You look at him, curious.

“You’re Jieun’s cousin! She always posts about you,” he excitedly claims.

You nod. Of course, Jieun. You could’ve figured that out and told him yesterday instead of the dream girl thing.

“Right. Jieun,” you start. “She sucks up to me like that to convince me to visit her in L.A.,” you explain. You try to keep your voice steady. You don’t want to give the impression that having this conversation with him is already the most interesting part of your week, even if it is. Who gets to say that Jeon Jungkook recognizes their face anyway?

“You don’t like L.A.?” He asks curiously.

“It’s just not my cup of tea,” you respond, angling your body to move towards your table, but facing him still. You’re glad that the morning rush has ended and there aren’t many people in the cafe who minds enough that you’re talking to Jeon Jungkook.

“Then what is?” he asks, arms crossed against his chest, looking genuinely curious.

You let out a laugh. “Jasmine, chamomile. Lemongrass on some days,” you say. “We’ve got good ones you should try,” you tease.

You aren’t the type to spill things about you that easily, and he picks this one up. He nods and smiles. The only other thing he says to you before you leave is that the food is good, and that he’d “see you around.”

Of course he would, because for the rest of the week, he kept going back, right around the same time as you’re there. This isn't new, of course. You have so many customers who come everyday at a particular time — right before school or work or just part of their daily routine. But he didn't fit the profile of a regular customer, but you also could admit it was nice to see a fresh face around.

It’s Thursday of that week when he tells you “I have meetings and stuff in this area and your food’s really good,” after you give him a questioning look as to why he’s here again. And it’s the next day when he comes alone, orders jasmine tea for himself and for you, and asks for your number after you talk about Disney movies and the damsel in distress trope. And cats, and how much you hate them.

You have your back lying on the couch for 10 minutes, debating on whether you should drive to his place and ask what’s going on, or stay home and settle on phone calls for the next 2 months that he’ll be gone for the tour, if he’ll even pick them up. Because you’ve tried—you’ve called and left messages, not to ask why he hasn't been texting or if anything’s wrong, but just to crack up jokes that are way funnier than his, or to talk about food. You know, normal things.

You like how your texts never start with “good morning” and “what are you doing?” They’re usually along the lines of “some cat left a paw mark on my car, my day is ruined” or “I tripped in front of an old lady and she almost died laughing” or “what movie should I watch if I want to forget I have a shit load of work to do” or a picture of whatever food you ate that day.

Things are never formal with you two. It’s always very casual that sometimes you forget that his “show’s about to go on, I’ll talk to you later” text means he’s just about to perform in a sold-out stadium in front of thousands of people in Japan or something — like it was no big deal. Or that his “hang on, someone will just talk to me” is really code for “I’ve got an interview,” which you know will be newsflash and then posted all over social media immediately after. You enjoy this bit because it feels so natural, neither of you feel like you have to impress the other.

“Will you stop air fucking and pole dancing on the mic stand,” you’d say.

“Stop talking to me and do your report already,” he’d say.

“Seriously, why are your clothes 3 sizes bigger? How much food are you hiding in there?” You’d laugh over the phone.

“Your sweatshirt looks like shit, can I have it?” he’d annoy you, and then proceed to take it home.

You like making fun of each other as much as you like talking to each other. He’s easy to get along with and not pretentious; you’re comfortable to be around and not judgemental. He doesn’t have a problem telling you if you’re being too whiny; you don't mind calling him out for being too much of a perfectionist that he’s actually not being productive anymore.

Jimin was right when he described you two as inseparable, long-distance buddies — whether it was a night out with friends or a night in doing papers, if it didn’t clash with his schedule, you were together. Even if it was a quick take out dinner at 11PM after a long day of practicing, he’d be at your place.

Whenever he’s away on tour, he’d be constantly updating you about fan signs and the food and the weather; similarly, you’d update him on the café’s customer of the day or this new e-book you’d discovered or the weird dream you just had. You never feel any sort of pressure or expectation; neither of you feel too attached, despite the amount of time you spend together.

Regardless of how your constant texting or hanging out when he was back in Seoul seems like to others, neither of you ever felt like you had to define what you two really are. That’s what you always think the reason is as to why it works — it just does because you don't feel like it has to go a specific direction.

Despite all that, it still feels odd that he hasn’t been returning your calls or even updating you on how his day has been. The longest you’d gone without talking was 3 days, and that’s with a heads up. The next few months will be crazy for the band, what with the remaining shows of their tour. It isn't like him to just disappear from your life like this.

“When was the last time you saw him?” your best friend Chaewon asks over the phone when you finally decide to call someone after finding out Jungkook’s leaving.

“He’s not lost, okay. He’s just not calling,” you correct her. “But last week, we went for a drive, he slept over, and that was it. He just…” you trail. You aren’t even sure how to describe what just happened.

“Then why don’t you go over there?” She asks, almost as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“I don't know, it might get messy. You know I’m not good with confrontations.”

“Just go, Y/N. He probably won’t be calling you after he’s left if he’d been dodging you like this.”

Chae hangs up shortly after. You figure she probably doesn't want to hear another one of your excuses. You take your best friend’s advice and head for the door, get in your car, and take the 30-minute drive to his house.

“I like to leave,” you tell him. You glance to your right where he sits at the passenger seat of your car then look back on the road. You and Jungkook had just spent dinner with your friends at Chaewon’s apartment and you told him you could drive him back to the dorm.

He gives you a puzzling look. “Is that some sort of warning that I’ll wake up one day and you’ll just be… gone?” he asks, eyebrows scrunched up. You could see there’s a hint of concern on his face.

“Oh, I meant I like taking trips,” you laugh, realizing the oddity of what you had just said, which was a response to Jaehyun, your other best friend, mentioning you being voted as ‘most likely to evaporate into thin air’ in high school.

“Some days I wake up and just feel like being someplace else. So I grab my backpack and my trusty map, get into my car, and head out. By myself. Somewhere,” you say, shrugging, like it’s the most natural thing that people do.

You describe to him the places you’ve seen — the lakes and mountains and fields that many people don’t know about, how the sunsets are like from there, how the trees and flowers smell like, how otherworldly they look.

Most of the time, when you’re plagued with fear or sadness or doubt, you just leave. It’s your quick fix, your Band-Aid. You could be gone for a day or over the weekend; sometimes you’d be out for a week and not even your best friends know where you are, just that you’re safe.

“But why?” he asks. You think it was ironic since this is a guy who leaves for a living.

“When I was younger, we had this class and the teacher asked us to draw an object that represents us. I didn't even have a clear idea of who I was, how could I find the right object to symbolize me? You’ve got to find yourself, that’s how you’ll know, she said. I asked her how. She told me to go look at a map,” you narrate, looking back at that moment when you stared at your teacher trying to figure out if she was kidding or not.

“I guess you find yourself in places you don't know. Or you realize who you really are when things get chaotic and you go somewhere far. Or you pull yourself away from the crazy to take a breath and escape some things you’re not really ready to face…” you state.

“I never knew exactly what she meant, but I figured they all made sense,” you continue, slowing down the car as you’re a block away from his place. “You’ll always find a reason to leave.”

“But does leaving solve any of your problems?”

“Not always, but sometimes the problem is nothing that you leave behind. Sometimes the problem is you.” You’d thought about the times you came back and felt like a different person with a different perspective on things.

You look at him smiling, and you realize he’s been looking at you the whole time. You pull on the brakes, ready to say your goodnight, but he isn’t quite finished.

“What’s your favorite thing about leaving?”

There are so many things you love about it. You love how it means you have the freedom and capability to do anything you want. You love seeing new scenery, discovering places for the first time, meeting new people and learning their stories. It is such a human thing to want to leave, you think. You like everything about it, even the parts where you get completely lost or rained or snowed on because you weren’t prepared.

“Coming home,” you say.

He softens at this, a pleased look on his face.

“It’s like you’re gone for awhile and you see things for the first time, but then you drive back and you start seeing the familiar things — the streetlights, the driveways, the parks, the cafes… And all those constant things, they’re still there even when you leave, like they’re just waiting for you to come back.”

“You should know that. You’re always jetting off somewhere new,” you say.

“I leave because I have to. It’s part of the job.”

That conversation is ringing in your head the whole car ride to Jungkook’s house. Your knack for driving off is one of those things you never really share with anyone apart from your best friends. You never liked the thought of having to explain yourself to people, especially those you haven’t known for long, but with Jungkook, it never felt like you had to explain anything; you were always just sharing pieces of yourself that you knew he appreciated, that he somehow understood.

You pull up behind the black SUV parked in front of his place; the same SUV that you know his driver uses to take him to the airport. You turn off the engine and go through the half opened gate, up the steps and through the door.

You greet one of the members of his security team as she heads out the door and your eyes immediately turn to the two black duffel bags lying on the floor. They’re plump and full of things. You imagine all his black hoodies and sweatpants and leather jackets. You picture the bucket hats all neatly folded and his favorite Balenciaga sneakers tucked in somewhere. It feels weird, standing here at his foyer and just waiting for something to happen.

You hear steps skipping down the stairs and his voice, assuring “I’ll call you when I get there” to someone on the phone.

He’s looking down on it, texting someone who isn’t you. He does a double take, probably not expecting to see you standing by his door with a sad and confused look on your face.

You’re fidgety and you feel nervous. You never liked confrontations, even if you were convincing yourself that is not why you came here in the first place. You just want to see how he was doing, maybe ask what he’s been up to, wish him luck on the shows and that you’d see him when he gets back in two months.

“Y/N…” he starts. “I wasn't expecting you to be here.”

“Why, because you didn’t expect me to know you were leaving because you didn't tell me?” You say too quickly, resolve dissipating, tone and voice betraying you.

He looks taken aback. “Does it matter that I didn’t?” He says defensively, pulling up his duffel bags on a chair and seemingly looking for something inside one of them. You know he’s just distracting himself so he wouldn't have to look at you.

“You go home to your parents for three days and you ask to see me the day before, and now you leave for North America for two months and suddenly it doesn't matter that you don’t tell me?” Your voice is getting louder and you immediately wish you hadn’t come here at all. It seems like he doesn’t want you to be here just the same.

“You didn't even bother returning my calls or texts. And now you’re leaving. Your first show isn’t even until a week from now,” you say, crossing your arms. “What’s the rush?”

“I have a meeting with a producer,” he responds.

“That you couldn’t do during your free days there?” You snap back. You know this, you know they’re given some free time and he could’ve easily slipped that in there.

He sighs, knowing he can’t get out of this one. “I just want to be away from here, that’s all,” he says, glancing at you and then back at his bags.

“You mean away from me?”

He continues shuffling things in his duffel. He doesn’t even respond. You know it. He’s leaving because he wants to be away from you.

“What’s going on, Jungkook? One day we’re laughing our butts off until we fall asleep and the next you just… not call at all.”

“I just didn't feel like it, I guess,” he says, zipping one of the bags and adjusting its strap.

This infuriates you.

“Well that’s nice. It seemed like you always felt like coming over with dinner, keeping me company while I worked, convincing me to go out for drinks, meeting me at the café for breakfast but then all of a sudden you don’t feel like calling?” You bite back.

He’s silent for a while, as if finding the right words to say.

“You know what else is nice?” he starts, looking at you. “Calling me to come over on Friday nights when you don't feel like being out, asking me to stay the night and having me sleep next to you, kissing me and then telling me that ‘this feels nice and comfortable and fun’ and that I really am a great friend’.” His tone is angry, frustrated, desperate.

You feel your jaw drop open even if it’s closed. You did not see this coming at all. You always felt like you two were on the same page, that you like each other’s company so much that you prefer staying in on Fridays watching movies or National Geographic. You thought you both understand that sleeping next to each other only means you want to talk and laugh until you fall asleep, which is what happens all the time. You kiss then, which you treat like a goodbye because you don’t know if he’ll be there when you wake up.

“I never thought of you as the selfish and unfair type, but I guess there’s just too many layers of you that it takes time before this side of you comes out.” He swings both his bags to his right shoulder, hinting that he’s ready to leave, that he’s ready to leave things like this.

He starts walking towards the door. “They weren’t kidding when they said everything you touch turns into a mess.”

Your eyes widen in shock. “What the fuck, Jeon,” is all you could say. You’d never seen him this upset. Worse, you’d never seen him this upset at you.

“So what, I turned us into this big mess and you leave just like that? Like it’s not even worth talking to me about whatever it is you’re feeling?” you ask, following his movements. He’s halfway out the door by this time.

You follow him out, overtake him and make sure he could see your face. “Leaving doesn't always solve problems.”

“Well, Y/N, sometimes it does. Because sometimes you’re not the problem, it’s what you leave behind.”

You look at his face, trying to find pieces of him you thought you’d figured out. He turns away, not wanting to see you like this. You see him soften a little bit, like he didn't mean for things to turn out this way, but you know he isn’t going to let up. You have so many questions running through your mind. What did this all mean? What’s going to happen now?

“It’s sad how when someone you care about tells you exactly what you are to them, you realize at that moment what they are to you, and it’s the complete opposite.”

He turns to look at you this time, his face screaming a kind of sadness you’d never seen before. You’d talked about him being homesick all these years when he’s out on tour. He’d shared how the gossip and his negative image have affected him and his relationships. He’d talked about how difficult it was holding onto things and people that were real, but none of those moments could compare to this one and to this look he has on right now that lets you know he’s upset and it has everything to do with you.

You’re the one he’s leaving behind. You’re the mess he wants to get away from. You’re probably the last person he wants to see before flying out because you’re the problem he doesn't want to deal with.

“Jungkook…” you start, although you have absolutely no idea what you want to say. You look at him, eyes pleading for something, anything.

“I have to go,” is all he says. He turns around, clutching his bags over his shoulders, and walks away.

No ‘see you around’ or ‘I’ll call you soon’ like always. It was just ‘I have to go,’ like it was the period to the past months you two have been hanging out. ‘I have to go,’ like ‘leaving you is this need I have to fulfill.’ ‘I have to go,’ like, ‘this is it.’

You watch him walk out the gate. You watch the car drive away. There’s always something poetic about watching someone leave. You’d been used to that growing up. Your parents were always leaving, saving lives in places that needed saving, but you always knew they’d still be thinking about you and missing you while they were away.

But with Jungkook, it was different. You hadn’t quite gotten used to him leaving all the time, and right now, you aren’t sure he’d be thinking about you or missing you while he was gone.

‘I have to go,’ he said. Like, ‘I’m leaving. I don't want to stick around. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be with you.’

Things don’t feel real. You’ve been driving for 30 minutes, unsure where to go, reeling over the conversation you just had with Jungkook, if you could even call it that. It’s like he just dropped a bomb on you that you didn't know he’d had all this time.

There was so much frustration and sadness on his face that morning and you couldn't get the image out of your head. What have you done? You kept asking yourself.

But you reason that none of this is your fault. You thought everything was clear between the both of you. Sure, you never really talked about it, but if he was really feeling differently about you, then why didn't he just say something?

“I’m heading out,” you say to Jaehyun over the phone. He’s always the first person you call when you feel like driving off.

“I’m guessing the talk with Jungkook didn't turn out well?” he asks.

You don’t respond. You don’t really want to say anything to your friends about all this until you’ve figured things out.

“Chae told me,” he says, interrupting the silence.

“Yeah, I figured,” you reply. Information is so fluid between the both of them.

“So where are you off to?”

“I don't really know, just wherever,” you say, but you know exactly where you’re going. It will just take another hour until you get there.

“Alright, just be safe,” he says, before hanging up.

You step on the gas and turn on the music. Anything is better than the silence that’s ringing in your ears right now. You hum to the tunes of Colde and LeeHi, praying to the heavens you won’t hear Jungkook’s voice on the next song. This is your ‘favorites’ playlist and he had sneakily included some of his band’s songs one day when you went out to the market to grab some fruits and he stayed at your place watching TV.

About 60 minutes later, you reach the place. It’s en route to a town a couple of miles south of the city. It’s a turn to the corner, onto a dirt road and a path lined with shrubs and small trees. The entrance to the main beach is right off the highway about a mile away, but you’d discovered this entrance not long ago when you drove off on a Sunday, two days after your ex-boyfriend came knocking at your door months after he broke up with you. It was the first time you spoke since then, and it was also the first time he ever tried to explain himself to you. You remember that trip; it was 7 months ago and it was also the last time you’d been here. Somehow you just felt the pull of this place.

You realize later on, as you sit on the shore watching the sky turn purple and orange, that you told Jungkook about this when you were here.

You watched the sunset then just like today. It looked so beautiful and so you snapped a picture and sent it to him. He was in Japan at that time for an event. You’d told him you’d fallen asleep and were just listening to the waves crash on the shore — your favorite sound in the world, you’d said. When it was all over, you decided to call it a day.

“I’m driving back now,” you’d told him. “Okay,” he responded, voice tired from the day he had. It was rare for you to talk to anyone when you were out. You felt like a part of home was tugging at you when you did. But Jungkook was away and you just wanted him to see what you were seeing. You felt it was a way for you to tell him that you were fine. He didn’t seem convinced when he’d left your apartment that Friday night after Jinyoung visited. The photo you sent of the sunset, and the next one of you lying on the sand, smiling, were enough to convince him that indeed you were.

“Okay. Hold on to the feeling once you see the familiar,” he’d said. He knew you loved that feeling. He always said he imagined a smile creeping from the left side of your mouth when you realized you were nearing home.

“You’re familiar, Jeon,” you’d told him.

You liked the idea, that you saw him as something familiar. You’d only known each other then for a few months but you’d talked as if it had been years. He was away but he still felt constant.

“So are you, Y/L/N,” he replied.

You were thinking about this, about him, as the dust settled and the sky’s now a pretty dark blue with tiny hints of burnt orange. The waves still sound majestic, truly something you can never get tired of. You feel the cold autumn air tingle your insides. You close your eyes and breathe in to try to immerse yourself in your surroundings, hoping against hope that something will click and things will make sense.

You’d spent the whole afternoon here yet you feel like nothing’s changed. He is on the plane to California and you’re still confused. You still have the same questions from last week, from this morning. He’s still your constant; you just aren’t sure if you’re still his.

Leaving doesn't always solve problems, you told yourself. You just wished you’d told him one more time. Maybe he would’ve stayed.

“We’re having Spanish,” Chaewon says as you enter her apartment. “And you’re late.” She continues, turning to you with slices of apples and oranges in her hands. You could hear the laughter and the cheers from the living room. Nobody’s minding you because a soccer game is on.

You envy their energy — why you agreed to continue to help run the cafe even with a full-time job, you don’t know, but it’s starting to take its toll on you and all you want to do is sleep. Jungkook and the guys will soon be in full preparation mode for the start of the tour and your superstar friend, who had now also claimed your own friends, wanted to have dinner with everyone before things got too busy.

“You cooked?” you ask, returning your gaze to her after looking out on who is already here.

“Nope. Take-out. But the Sangria is homemade.”

“Take-out?” you repeat, excitedly, making your way to the table to check on the food.

“Jungkook wanted Spanish and take-out,” Chaewon confirms, as laughter roars from the living room.

You walk over to check on everybody else who all acknowledge your presence with air fist bumps.

“So you’ve moved past Chinese and Japanese take-out and have gone for Spanish now, huh, Jeon?” you question. He gives you his signature bunny smile from his seat on the floor. He does that quite often when he’s showing off or after he’s done something nice.

“Hey, it’s a classy place and I get a discount. And, Chae sounded tired when I called so I took it upon myself to save dinner,” he proudly declares, standing up and motioning towards you. How cocky, you think, but you return his pinch on your cheek with a pinch on his nose.

Dinner is as fun as dinner with your friends always goes, but your hectic schedule that day made you extremely tired. After moving to the couch and a glass of Sangria later, you feel your head spinning and rest it on Jungkook’s shoulder. He notices your tired face, nudges at you and says he’s going to take you home. “Thanks, Jeon,” you murmur under your breath. “I promise I won’t puke.”

It takes a few glasses of water and a handful of profiteroles to get you sobered up and ready to head out. He helps you get in his car and you retreat to a semi-fetus position until the next corner.

“You’re really tired, aren’t you? You’re never this quiet during a car ride. Even when you’re drunk you won’t stop talking… or singing,” he teases. “Out of tune, I might add.”

You sit up from your sulking position. “Sometimes I just want to choke you, you know” you remark with a serious face.

“Do you want to feel the wrath of my women?” he questions, winking, referring to his army of fans who are protective of him, and for good reason.

“They’d probably want to do the same, only in a sexual way.” At this he laughs, shaking his head as if to say you’d done it again, teased him like this and made his cheeks blush.

The ride is a quick one for a Thursday night. You feel you haven't made fun of him enough as he pulls the brakes in front of your apartment building and immediately steps out and walks to your side before you could even thank him and say goodbye.

He opens the door and pulls you out like it’s routine, although you clearly remember he’d brought you home when you were drunk only twice, one of which was when he’d found you half-naked in your kitchen with a knife, ready to attack him. Since then, Jungkook had made sure to never let you be that drunk again, and always made it a point to feed you sweets so you’d stay awake.

He’s successful though — you’re sober and awake tonight. You’re just really tired.

You unlock your apartment door and he steps in with you, goes straight to your kitchen and makes you tea. He knows that chamomile makes you sleep well, and that’s exactly what he prepares.

“So comfortable in my place already, Jeon,” you say after realizing what he’s doing. He just knows in what cupboard your mug is kept, and in which box the chamomile is stored, and how much sugar you put, but then again, he did help you quite a bit organize your kitchenware. He opens a drawer to get aspirin - “Just in case,” he says. You watch him like he had done this many times before.

A small smile forms on your lips.

“Look, you’re tired and I convinced you to come tonight. If you don't sleep well, you’ll wake up in a bad mood and complain to me again that your neighbor’s cat is loitering on your steps… and then you’ll blame me.”

You laugh. For someone who deals with so many people everyday, it amazes you how well he remembers things about you like that.

“I was about to say how I like hanging out with you because you make me coffee or tea…”

“You’d do the same for me, Y/N, no matter how much you want to stop yourself from doing so.” He winks at you, tastes the tea, and places it on the counter.

You sit on the chair and feel the aroma of the tea soothe you. He stands there watching you, pleased with what he’s done. “You good?” he asks, and you nod behind your mug.

You don’t need to be taken care of, you’d told him once. You don’t need someone to be looking out for you when you’re drunk and being clumsy, when you’re busy and not eating, when you’re injured and unable to walk properly, when you’re stressed and needed a break.

“If you don’t want me here you could always just tell me, you know?” he’d said once. “I won’t take it personally. We’re good with each other that way.”

But you never asked him to leave. In fact, you always wanted him to stay, always asked him to.

“Ready to call it a night?” he questions, after you put down your empty mug.

You look up at him. You could feel your eyes falling and your body aching for a warm shower and your sheets. It’s been a crazy week and it isn’t even over. You want to rest, but you also don't want to be alone.

“Can you stay?” you ask, biting your lip and trying hard to pull off your puppy eyes so he’d say yes.

“Sure,” he says. He didn’t wait for an explanation. He didn’t need one. He just understood.

You give him a warm smile.

“I know you love my couch, but I might forget in the morning you’re here and I might stab you for real this time,” you state. “The bed’s big enough for both of us and Chandler,” you offer, referring to your hedgehog stuffed toy that’s about half your size.

“At least I get a blanket!” he claims.

“Thanks, Jeon.”

A soft smile appears on his face. “Anything for you, Y/N.”

By the time you decide to leave the beach, the sky has already settled in a midnight blue. The waves are crashing, and from across the water, you could see lights from the small town not so far away. You think about spending the night there, or driving someplace else and sleeping in your car until the next morning. But you decide to go home, even if you know you’ll just be thinking about him more if you do.

You turn on your engine, put the windows down, and listen to the wind. You think about this morning again. You’re still in denial that he’d said what he did and the implication that you probably led him on all these months.

But you’re convincing yourself that he couldn't pin this on you — he was always calling, he was always texting, he always wanted to be with you after a busy week, he always made it up to you when he couldn’t come over, he always stayed when you asked him to.

You two kissed, but it was a soft one, not ravenous or lust-filled. He didn't pull away and you didn’t try to deepen it. But he looked so good after their show and he was gonna be gone for the tour and the alcohol was talking and you let it.

You kissed again after that. There was no drunken night to blame it on the second time, but it was raining when you woke up the next day and he looked so warm and comfortable sleeping on your bed that you just felt like you had to. But he kissed you back, softly still, and he didn't say anything. He didn't pull you in for another one after.

If he really felt anything, then he should have. He should have grabbed you and told you he wanted more, that he was feeling differently, that things were changing. He should’ve done it then or any other time after that. He was always honest with you, but you didn't understand why he wasn't honest about this one, why he decided to just stop things and leave you hanging.

Maybe you weren’t away long enough, because you didn't even realize that you were already home until you saw your neighbor’s white sedan parked in your street. You pull the brakes and park behind it, thinking you were probably absent-minded the entire ride back.

There’s no warm feeling inside that you’re back. This wasn’t a trip that was meant to change anything or make you figure out how to fix things. All you thought about was that you miss him terribly, and maybe that’s what it was meant for, rub in your face that he’s gone.

You drag yourself up the stairs and enter your place. It suddenly feels like he’s everywhere in your apartment. You’d moved in last year and not even your best friends or your mom had imprinted enough of themselves inside.

There’s the cup Jungkook bought for you after he broke one of your favorites. There’s this pack of granola bars in your pantry that he got so you wouldn't have to gobble up ice cream when you were hungry. There’s the spare toothbrush he started using after his first night in. There’s your sweatshirt that he returned, and his hoodie that he said he’d get back the next time he sees you.

And there’s the counter where you both shared take-out dinners and homemade breakfast. And there’s your couch where you spent nights working while he watched TV on mute. And there’s your bed where he’d slept next to you a few times.

“I shouldn't have watched all those stupid chick flicks when he wasn't talking to me,” you think out loud. Now you’re left with an apartment that has him everywhere.

You’re not even together. You’ve shared so much of yourself to each other but never ‘I like you’s’ nor ‘I love you’s,’ not even ‘I miss you’, but why does it feel like you’ve shared all that and more? Why this sudden feeling of emptiness after he told you he had to go and then left just like that?

Everything you touch turns into a mess, he told you.

Your friends joke about it all the time. Your penchant for trying anything that remotely interests you doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good at it. Whether it’s decorating those Valentine’s cookies that Hyejin bakes, molding those vases during a pottery class you impulsively signed up for, or even making pajeon when Chae said you couldn’t fry anything other than your broken-yolk eggs, you just have the tendency to end up with final products that are nothing like what you intended. In look or substance, they’re just not that pretty. Jungkook always laughed along.

But he said it to you today like it burned him. As if to say, look at what you’ve done, I don’t want to be a part of this.

“So uhm, are you just going to sit there and watch us or are you going to help?” Jungkook asks from the floor of your living room, paintbrush in one hand, goodie bag in another.

Body sprawled on your sofa with legs hanging and kicking off the armrest, you look at him with a pout. “Jaehyun doesn’t want me to.”

Jaehyun sighs from where he’s sat on the floor. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Y/N. It’s that I can’t afford to.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, whatever,” bitterness apparent in your voice.

It’s a Sunday and your friends are at your apartment to help Jaehyun decorate the goodie bags he’ll be distributing to the kids at the orphanage that he volunteers at. Twice a year, he throws them a party that requires decorating giveaway bags that contain the books and sweets he’s bought with his own money. Jungkook ended up there because, well, by now you don’t question him anymore. They had a day-off and he said he was bored.

“Jaehyun’s being kind. Y/N’s just really shit at these things so he doesn’t let her touch these,” she says, holding up a bag where she’d painted a rainbow.

“You got the color order wrong,” you shoot at her. She responds with scowl.

“Come on, Jae. Pretty please. I promise I won’t mess them up like last time,” you plead to Jaehyun. You know he has a soft spot for you.

“You said that the last time, too” Hyejin chides.

“Wow thanks, guys. No one’ll even pretend to be on my side, huh,” you sit up and frown at everyone.

“Y/N, we are, like, most of the time.” You glare at your friend. “But I spent my money on these and the party is already next week and I really want the kids to feel hopeful and inspired, not scared, okay? And I want them to actually keep the goodie bags, not throw them away. It’s nothing personal, I promise.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” you wave your hand at them and give up.

This is a usual occurrence. You know you’re useless with anything that involves the arts that’s why your only contribution every time you guys help Jaehuyn is your apartment as a venue.

Jungkook arrived an hour earlier with a glimmer and excitement on his face when he saw what your friends were doing, like a little kid at a candy store. He wasted no time and got right down to business. God, those kids who will get his bags would never know they were holding a goldmine.

“So what happened the last time?” Jungkook asks.

“She tried to draw a bear but it ended up looking like that character from the monsters cartoon, you know, the one holding its eyes?” Hyejin recalls, laughing as she recalls the proud look on your face and the distressed one on Jaehyun’s. “She tried to remedy it but like, just no. It looked terrible.”

“No kid would feel hopeful with that,” Chaewon adds.

“I really had to do quality checks of her work and I threw them all away cause they’d gone lumpy. She didn’t even mix the paint well,” Jaehyun continues.

“Yah! I think Jungkook got the message, okay?” You start chuckling, seeing Jungkook’s amused face and his effort to not laugh along at the thought of you being shut down for something you thought was a pretty thing you created. “I’ve accepted that art isn’t my forte.”

“So is cooking, baking, pottery, organizing, arranging…” You throw Chaewon a pillow, smack to her face like she deserves.

“But seriously. Trust her to score the final point of a championship game or write a 30-page report on housewifization and its subordination of women but if it isn’t sports or research, forget it. Everything she touches turns into a mess. RIP to all the cookies and goodie bags and vases that never saw the light of day,” Hyejin dramatically claims. “It’s kind of her thing.”

You shrug. It kind of is your thing. Your unartistic, unorganized, and mindless chaotic ass, for the life of you, just can’t get it together. Clothes and shoes all over the place, gifts wrapped in frayed gift wrappers, cooked food looking inedible… relationships that crash and burn because you couldn’t decide if you wanted to care or not, because you did whatever you felt like just cause you wanted to, because you got too close and didn’t know when to pull away… Yeah, definitely.

You turned to your friends who were all back to being immersed in what they were doing, proud look on their faces at the pieces that will definitely give joy and warmth to whoever will get them.

“I just mess things up, though. At least I don’t break them.”

You wake up to the sound of your phone ringing in your ears, surprising you so much you almost fall off where you were lying.

“I’m outside,” Hyejin says on the other line. You get up and open the door.

She turns to you after seeing the blanket on your couch, realizing you had slept there instead of your bed. “Too much of Jungkook in your room, huh?” she says, looking sad, not realizing there was too much of him everywhere. You had just been too tired to go to your room when you got home, but you didn’t answer.

She takes your silence as a yes and walks to your kitchen to take out the bread and coffee she bought, then heads out to your terrace while you wash up in the bathroom.

You sit in front of her and eat your breakfast quietly while she watches you take small bites of your cheese bread. You tell her everything that’s happened the past 24 hours — from Jimin’s call to Jungkook’s out-of-left-field outburst.

“I think I led him on,” you say, head thrown back on the chair, eyes closed.

“Uh, you think?” Hyejin claims.

“How come none of you ever said anything?” you ask, looking at her. Jungkook didn't say anything; your friends didn’t say anything… Were you that naïve? That selfish? That stupid?

“Well, it’s not like you’d listen anyway,” she starts. “You always just do what you want. Like, sure constantly talk to the guy giving you heart eyes every time you look at him, go date the guy whose family is in Australia and would most likely go back and leave you, sure spend time and flirt with the insanely hot and kind and funny pop star… like there are no consequences to these things,” she unapologetically says.

“Is that so bad?” you ask.

You don’t want to sound defensive. You don’t have the energy to really argue with anyone.

“Come on, Y/N. Don’t tell me you didn't see this coming. With how you two were, one of you was bound to fall for the other.”

“We allowed ourselves to get that close, Hyejin, to be… this. Whatever this is. Or was. It’s not like we ever talked about it, though.”

She raises an eyebrow at you.

“But I just figured we were both mature enough to handle the consequences. I just don't understand why it has to be this screwed up.”

She looks at you as if she’s looking right to your soul. “It’s like you ask someone to play fire with you, and you don't mind if you get burnt. You don't mind if they get burnt, too. That’s what it’s like.”

“Getting burned is part of it. Getting hurt is part of it. I know that, and I always get over it,” you say.

“Yeah, but the thing is, you expect the same thing from the other person, too.”

You don’t like how right she is about all this.

“When you get hurt, you just walk away because you expect it and you accept it and then that’s it, goodbye to everything that was good. Move on to the next relationship that may or may not work out,” she continues.

You cover your face with your arms, as if somehow that’s going to be enough to make up for everything you’ve done.

“But that’s precisely why you always live in the moment, you know? To hell with being careful, or obsessing over whether or not doing something will hurt you. When you feel it that moment, you do it. And you’re okay if it hurts you, or if it leaves you with the shorter end of the stick. You get back on your feet right after anyway.”.

The day at the quad when Jinyoung broke up with you comes to mind. You didn’t even fight for it, you normally don’t; you’d rather spend that time getting over something and moving on.

“But Jungkook isn’t like that, Y/N,” she says, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Don't you get it? He won’t tell you he feels differently. He won’t tell you and right then and there, realizing you don't feel the same way, just accept it and get over it.”

You look back to that last morning you had together, the tangled limbs, the morning kiss, watching him get ready, the words “stay a little longer” almost slipping past your lips like always, but instead saying that it was nice and comfortable and fun. He smiled then.

“Thanks for doing that for me; you really are a great friend,” is what you said before he left. So you weren’t dreaming the crestfallen look you saw on his face. With furrowed brows he took his phone, multiple messages probably telling him to go back to the dorm, and then he was gone.

Your eyes widen at the memory. That’s what he was referring to. You’d been too frustrated at him ignoring you that you didn’t even bother to think of what might’ve triggered it.

Hyejin seems to pick this up. “So are you now realizing you’re an idiot?”

You smack her arm and she winces, deservedly so.

“Okay, fine. I may have been one but to ignore me like that and then just leave? He waited last minute to tell me what he was feeling and then he fucking left, leaving me here confused and hurt and in agony. That’s way worse than my quick and easy,” you exclaim.

“Sometimes people will cover up the pain rather than just say they’re hurt. Some hearts are wired that way, Y/N. Not everyone does quick and easy. Not everyone gets to accept their own feelings, and upon realizing they’re not reciprocated, moves on right away like you do.”

You let everything sink in.

“It was my second time at that beach yesterday, you know?” You start after a long silence.

“The first time was after Jinyoung had come over to explain himself. I was already over the break up; I left to get over his reason for it. But yesterday when I was down there, all I could think about was how much I miss Jungkook. Like, it was the only thing going through my head the entire time I was there. He was always leaving but I always knew that when he got back, he’d be knocking at my door again…” you trail. You know it isn't going to be the same this time around.

“People have their own reasons for leaving, you always say that. You can never fault them for why they choose to. You leave because you want to figure yourself out. He left because he probably didn't want to deal with what he’s feeling for you.”

Feelings. You always made sure to keep yours in check, but Hyejin was right; you also always expected the same from him.

You look out on the city and get lost in your thoughts. People always thought of you as someone who had things figured out - you know what you want from life and from those who are part of it. You’d walked away from people and let them walk away from you when you knew it had to happen. But this whole deal with Jungkook feels like unfamiliar territory.

If it were someone else, you probably would’ve just let it go, but you keep thinking about Jungkook and the way his dimples still surprise you every time he smiles and how his laugh is so childlike and infectious it annoys you and warms your heart at the same time.

You can't get off your head how it feels to hear him say ‘good morning’ when you wake up and find his arm gently resting on your waist, your fingers always tempted to trace the ink decorating his own.

You warm at the thought of how he manages to make you feel better when you’re tired, how he never makes you feel hopeless when you’re being angry at all the unjust things in the world, how he reminds you of all the good there is during the times you forget.

You think of how you don’t want to lose all that.

“Feelings…” you say. You couldn’t get used to the idea that he has them for you.

“Do you have them too?” Hyejin finally asks.

You were so hung up on how the past week has been, that he ignored you, that he left, that you didn't even stop to think of why, and more importantly, what you feel for him.

“I don’t know.”

“I’ve never seen you like this with anyone, though.”

“It’s because I’ve never been like this with anyone.”

“Like what?”

“Cautious?”

“You mean, spending so much time together, constantly talking, kissing, is you being cautious?” She’s asks, incredulous.

You shrug. “It was never anything more.”

“Then why do you do them?” She snaps back.

“Because I want to? I’m always ready for him to turn me down.” It does surprise you every time he says yes to your requests, to your calls, your kisses. “But he never does.”

“But you don’t ask for anything more?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

Hyejin groans. “You’re giving me a headache.”

“What did I say?!”

“How can you want all of that and none of it at the same time? Seriously, you guys are like, friends with benefits without the sex…”.

You throw her a piece of bread, scandalized with what she just said. But you laugh at this. Your friends had joked about that before; even his band mates agreed. You were everything and nothing at the same time, stuck in the grey scale that neither of you were willing to admit. Or move away from.

“I think you just wanted everything - you wanted company, you wanted him to stay the night, you wanted to kiss, you wanted him to hold you, you wanted to talk… You wanted to be friends.” When Hyejin says it like that, you do seem like a fool.

“But you didn’t want what those actually implied or even required from you,” she continues. “Almost like there’s this line you’ve set for both of you that only you can see.”

You sigh in frustration. You know when you drew that line, when you’d warned yourself to never cross it, when you’d promised yourself to never want more.

“I guess I always knew what I really felt… I probably just denied it or didn't want it enough,” you think out loud.

“So what now?” She finally asks the painfully obvious question. “What will you do now?”

“Wallow in my self misery and remind myself everyday that I'm an idiot,” you answer back.

“Hmm. You’re too easy on yourself,” she says.

You smack her arm again, which earns you a laugh from her. “I’m kidding! But seriously, now that everything's a little clear, what are you going to do?”

“Make things even clearer?” You sigh. “I feel like such a mess, Hyej. And he’s the one who usually cheers me up when I feel like shit but I can’t ask that from him, now can I?” You say, your body now slumped in your chair, feeling like you’re back to square one.

“You can’t and you won’t.” She walks over to you to pull you up like a big baby. “You’ve got 2 months to figure your shit out before he comes back. Better start now,” she says, as she ushers you back inside.

There’s continuous knocking on the door, causing you to get up from your seat on your work desk and you readied yourself to fight whoever decided to disturb your busy Saturday morning.

You open the door and are greeted with a loud bellow, your name being sung in opera-style by a certain doe-eyed boy.

“Jeon Jungkook, what are you doing! You’re gonna wake the neighbors,” you shout, pulling him inside.

“Your closest neighbor is an old woman who’s hard of hearing. I think we’re good,” he smiles, eyes all innocent-looking.

“What are you doing here?” You ask. It’s one of those rare Saturday’s when the guys are afforded a full day off - no practice, no show, no filming. He always looked forward to days like this, which you expect he’d spend sleeping in or exercising or playing Overwatch.

“Got a free day,” he gleams.

“I know but what are you doing here?”

“You’ve been cranky and whiny this whole week. And you don’t respond to my memes,” he says, pouty lips making him look like a little kid that hasn’t been given much attention.

“I told you it’s work. I’m short on time to work on my reports since I got dragged to this week-long event. But I think my brain cells have dissipated; I can’t seem to construct simple sentences anymore,” you sigh, heading for your couch to sink into. “I’m sorry for not responding to your memes.”

“I’ll forgive you only if you come with me.”

“To where?” Your brow quirks up, finally taking in his baggy pants and loose white polo and bucket hat. “And what look are you going for with this whole get up?” You question, not missing the mismatched pieces of clothing and shades perched on his hat.

“Something unassuming. I asked Jin hyung for advice and raided Tae’s closet,” he shrugs.

“So what do you say? Come with me. Take a break! You won’t get any more productive being cooped up in here. Plus, artists need to go out for inspiration and you don’t seem like you’re getting it here,” he says with a smug look. You smack his arm, knowing that last bit he only said to mock you.

But it’s the words you always say to him; now he’s just saying them right back to you. “I promise to buy you snacks,” he says, reaching out his hand to you and pushing you to your room to get dressed.

And that promise he keeps. He rented a simple car so his luxurious one wouldn’t catch attention. You take a drive out of the city, sing your lungs out in the car, and go store hopping. You find supermarkets and convenience stores and little shops to look for different kinds of snacks that you both try and make reviews of. Every pretty view you see has you stopping the car and admiring the scene.

You inhale the fresh air, something you don’t get much in the city, and you appreciate this. You get back to your place, complain about your tummy aches, laugh until you fall asleep, tangled limbs and all, but not before telling him it was the most fun you’d had in a while and your brain feels rejuvenated enough to get the reports done in the next few days.

He falls asleep with that smile, the proud one he’d have on when you show your appreciation for him. He does like getting praises, that much you know.

You wake up to his quiet snores, cheek squished on the pillow with a hand over your waist, like always. You know you have to wake him up soon, which you do with a soft kiss, like always too. You watch him smile into the kiss and return it, until he finally opens his eyes to look at you.

“Get up, sleepyhead. They’ll be calling you over soon,” you say.

You watch him ready himself from your bed, still drowning in that kiss with a lazy smile on your face. You want to tell him to stay a little longer, even if you’re the one pushing him to get ready.

You always want to say that, whether it’s walking out the door at night or getting up from your bed in the morning. You always want to ask him to stay a little bit more but you never do, thankful for whatever time he could spare you, careful not to ask for more than what he could give.

Yesterday was good. You’d been drowning in work, and you’d blown off your friends this past week and you knew that Jungkook had a busy week as well. But yesterday felt nice. He’d given up his own free day to be with you and he willingly did so, knowing that you need it without you saying it out loud.

You had fun during the drive, and even more so exploring the store aisles, figuring out which brand of shrimp cracker or chocolate milk to get, buying all of them anyway, and excitedly opening them, finishing it all up and proceeding to give your review like those YouTubers you both liked to watch.

It always feels like this with him, but you had been so tired and drained that being with him yesterday just made you feel so happy. It showed with how you constantly leaned into him, how you rested your head on his shoulder as he was deciding on the size of banana milk he would buy, knowing he’d be resting his head on yours as a response.

You were missing physical affection and he was always willing to give you that, and you liked that he never seemed to ask for more. You’d initiate and he’d return, you’d pull and he’d let you, no questions asked. It felt comfortable enough, you thought. You didn’t have to explain yourself or your actions. It just always seemed like a given.

He’d said that he was dealing with a lot already as a pop star, that stuck with you and you knew from then on it was code for him not wanting to get into a relationship, and despite having being single for a little over a year already, you had too much going on in your life too that you didn’t really need any commitments at this point. You were on the same page, for sure.

It was nice and comfortable and fun, that’s what you tell him. You’re referring to the day you had, and what it’s like with him too, in general. You watch him pull his gray hoodie over his head. The black one, his favorite, you’d worn the night before, and you hug yourself to say you don’t want to return it yet.

He chuckles, “Fine. I’ll get it back the next time I see you.” You like his scent, but you’d never say this to him too.

You stand up to head to the kitchen, feeling refreshed and ready to be productive for the rest of the week. You know it had so much to do with the previous day, as if the laughter and smiles you had made up for that entire week when you barely did either. You give him a quick hug. “Thanks for that, Jungkook. You really are a great friend.”

His face falls a little bit, as he clutches onto his phone to check the multiple messages probably telling him to go back home. You don’t think much of it. When you turn back to him, he’s gone.

part 1 drabble <<>> part 2 drabble

series masterlist

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts fic #bts jungkook #idol jungkook

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prime89 · 3 years

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So I checked out the "controversial" Masters of the Universe series on Netflix and.... it honestly wasn't that bad. Seriously, the main problem was they tried to cram too much into 5 episodes, when it should have been 10-15. Let it breathe a little. But I shall review none the less. Be warned, spoilers beyond the break.

If Fan Boy #1 Kevin Smith can't please you, no one can. Who else was even thinking about He-Man, or even remembered half of the more obscure characters? The guy lives for geek culture.

Mark Hamill is Skeletor. Full Stop.

I do think that using Kevin Conroy for Mer-Man was a bridge too far. He's too talented for a bit part like that. I know it was a dream to work with The Batman and The Joker, but come on Kev.

Muscular women everywhere.... You had my interest, now you have my attention.

Adam is a twink, and that makes so much more sense. OG Adam was literally the same as He-Man, just wearing more clothes. 2002 Adam looked like someone with a decent athletic build, who could fight if he wasn't hiding the fact that he could. This Adam, definitely not useful in a fight. What do you mean he's He-Man? Perfect alibi.

I like Teela's new haircut. I hated her old hairdo.

Snake Mountain simp train: Beast Man-> Evil-Lyn-> Skeletor

For all of their complaining at each other about how they simp for their respective men, neither Teela nor Evil-Lyn actually show any starry, doe eyed simping. In fact, they just act like competent badasses the whole time.

The Sorceress was an idiot. If you caught on that Skeletor could glamour spell his appearance, then you should have realized that the He-Man behind you was a fake.

Orko and Lyn showed some nice character development together. I liked it.

Speaking of Orko, this is why more episodes would have helped. A little more time with him and Roboto would have made their sacrifices all the more poignant.

Ah King Grayskull, still half the size of a house I see. And living in Valhalla with all the other steroid heroes. Kinda interesting that Adam chose to forgo the sauce in heaven.

Kunduk Ungol (I had to look up the name, that's how obscure she is), you had all eternity, learn to speak some goddamn Eternian.

He-Ro, stop skipping leg day.

Why is Wonder Bread He-Man here? I wish that was a joke, but no, Wun-Dar is actually a Wonder Bread tie in He-Man.

Skeletor broke the rules, no attacking during transformation sequences! Yes, it's tactically brilliant, but it just ain't right.

I feel like Lyn siding with Skeletor at the end is fake. Orko's death seemed to affect her too much, and this strikes me as a practical and tactical move more than going back to Skeletor.

For someone so angry about people keeping secrets from her, Teela has a bad habit of stopping/not having time to listen to anyone tell her anything.

Why are the two halves of the power sword both cooler looking than the combination?

#netflix's Masters of the Universe: Revelations #motu revelation #he-man

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partywithponies · 4 years

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hi! i've only ever seen the bbc version of father brown and i've never read the books (i know, i'm so sorry), but i'm super curious about the different versions of father brown and you seem like an expert on each adaptation, so i was wondering if you'd be willing to give me a rundown of sorts on each version/series? i know it's a lot to ask and i may be opening the floodgates here, but there's not a ton of info online elsewhere and i'd love to learn more! thanks either way. ciao!

OH BOY YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE ANON

OKAY SO

As briefly as possible:

The books:

Proof people who complain about the BBC show being “too political” don’t actually know the books at all

Father Brown straight up calls capitalism “evil” and “heresy”

Chesterton says that millionaires dying isn’t a tragedy

Inspector Valentin betrayed us and broke my heart, ACAB I guess

Since every police officer he befriends lets him down in some way, Father Brown’s only real friend is Flambeau, who he goes absolutely everywhere with. They only go on holiday with each other. They’ve been all over the world with each other. I love they

Book Father Brown pretty much never does his goddamn job. We literally never in all the books see him giving mass or taking confession. The closest we get is when he gives an impromptu sermon after seemingly coming back from the dead, where he literally only says "You silly, silly people. God bless you all and give you more sense." then runs away to send a telegram. Useless priest. I love him.

Book Flambeau is. Incredible. Amazing. Iconic. None of the adaptations have been able to fully capture book Flambeau’s true energy, for he is a walking contradiction who contains multitudes. If all the onscreen Flambeaus fused into one being, THEN you’d have something vaguely resembling book Flambeau.

Book Flambeau is MASSIVE. He’s at least 6′4, he’s broad shouldered, has huge hands, and his super buff. He can just. Pick people up and throw them. He can knock people unconscious with one punch. He fills doorways when he stands in them. He terrifies most people just by drawing himself up to his full height. He also has a very short temper and a very short patience.

He’s very agile and athletic and can move silently, despite his size. He’s also a master of disguise, somehow. (Explain, Chesterton. Explain. Is everyone in this universe apart from Father Brown, Flambeau, and arguably Valentin massively stupid? Actually don’t answer that I’ve read these books)

Book Flambeau has a habit of flinging people full-bodily down flights of stairs when they anger him or threaten him or Father Brown. Book Flambeau also carries a walking cane with him literally everywhere that has a sword concealed in the handle, plus book Flambeau insists on taking pistols on holiday with him, even when he was just going for a peaceful fishing holiday in the Norfolk Broads. King.

(Which all makes it so iconic that Father Brown, described as tiny and meek and sensitive, saw this man when he was still a hardened criminal on top of all this and said “THIS ONE I LIKE THIS ONE. I JUST THINK HE’S NEAT” and went off on a jolly through London with him.)

Flambeau’s past is extremely mysterious. We no nothing about his family or his childhood or where he’s from or why he turned to crime. We know he used to be a soldier, and a part of him misses it. We know he used to fight duels semi-regularly, and liked them to be fought the very next morning after they were organised. We know he always used to make sure to visit the dentist on time, even when he was a hardened criminal. (King of good teeth.) We know he was in a gang at some point. We know he was a student at some point. We don’t know what he studied, but we know he knew Leonard Quinton in “wild student days in Paris” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). This is literally all we know about his past before he met Father Brown. The man is a riddle wrapped in an enigma. (That’s why Flambeau is so big. He’s full of secrets)

(Fun fact: in the book universe Flambeau is famous and popular in America, so you could say that in universe Flambeau is America’s Favourite Fighting Frenchman.)

Flambeau also loves cats and children, believes in fairies, likes pointing out rocks that look like dragons, and likes giggling and mucking about on the beach with Father Brown. A baby.

One time Father Brown called Flambeau “full of good and pure thoughts”, but I don’t think that’s quite true, Father. I think Father Brown just has endless faith in Flambeau.

Another thing I think is really neat is that it would’ve been so easy to have Father Brown be the genius and Flambeau his dumb muscle sidekick but that’s not the case at all! They’re both geniuses and they’re both each other’s sidekick, and in fact it’s Flambeau who’s the famous professional private detective, Father Brown is just an amateur. Father Brown is often defined by his connection to Flambeau rather than vice versa, both in the text (the text will frequently refer to them as something along the lines of “Flambeau and his friend the priest”, and on two separate occasions a long list of Flambeau’s possessions is ended with “and a priest”), and in universe (Father Brown himself is massively famous in America in universe largely because of “his long connection to Flambeau). I don’t know I just think it’s neat.

One time a man threatened Father Brown with a gun and Flambeau just beat him unconscious and then Father Brown and Flambeau just drove away and left him unconscious on the path. It was awesome.

(I’m sorry I rambled about Flambeau for so many words I just. Really really like Flambeau you guys. Father Brown and Flambeau are like two separate crime drama character tropes, the hard boiled cynical P.I. and the cosy eccentric amateur detective, but together as a double act, and I just think that’s really cool.)

Father Brown himself is if anything even more mysterious. He’s just “Father J. Brown, formerly of Cobhole in Essex, currently London”, and he’s “Flambeau’s friend”, and that’s all. That’s all he needs to be.

I also really really love Father Brown himself. I love that he’s allowed to be cheerful and optimistic and childish without any of this making him less clever, and in fact he’s shown time and time again to be cleverer than grumpy cynics who are scornful of childish things. Like, the whole giggling childlike thing isn’t even some kind of act, he’s a genius who understands true human nature, and he also really really likes puppet shows and building sandcastles who telling fairy stories, he really does get a “childish pleasure” from seeing Flambeau swing his sword-stick, and he really does have “strong personal interest in tomfoolery”. I love him.

I must share my favourite book quote about Father Brown himself: “But neither of them is very like the real Father Brown, who is not broken at all; but goes stumping with his stout umbrella through life, liking most of the people in it; accepting the world as his companion, but never as his judge.” uwu uwu uwu I’m cry.

Chesterton just subverts all the expectations character wise, the cheerful bumbling priest is a genius, the violent criminal is a true hero, the noble police officer is a corrupt self-serving murderer. It’s great. We stan. 10000000/10

(I’m not very good at being brief, am I?)

Father Brown, Detective (1934):

The first movie! It’s completely ridiculous. I love it a lot.

It was released just at the start of Hays Code, which, among other things, stated that crime and immorality should not be glorified or glamourised, and all crime and immorality must be seen to be punished by the end of the film. In practice in the case of this film, this means two things:

Paul Lukas!Flambeau is the only Flambeau to actually go to prison (and stay there).

He’s by far the Flambeau who deserves it the least. Lukas!Flambeau never hurt a soul. He just wanted to be loved. #FreeMyBoyHercule

Okay but in all seriousness. There’s a reason I call Paul Lukas!Flambeau “Himbo Flambeau”. Where other Flambeaus are violent or dangerous or geniuses, Lukas!Flambeau is just a big dumb idiot who respects women and has a great sense of humour and writes all his letters in the third person like Elmo for some reason. I would die for him.

At one point Flambeau in disguise is talking to the police, and when the police criticise Flambeau, disguised Flambeau says “Oh but I assure! I have read many things about this Flambeau! He is a fearless, handsome fellow!” The absolute idiot. I adore him with my whole heart.

The film is set in London, like the books, but an idealised Hollywood version of London, i.e., almost entirely unlike London.

Walter Connolly!Father Brown is also entirely lacking in braincells. Look at these two idiot men:

I love them.

Oh oh! And the most important thing, the thing that carries over into most other adaptations? NEW ORIGINAL CHARACTERS!!

This movie invents a few characters that weren’t in the books, but the most important ones are Mrs Boggs:

She doesn’t really add much to the plot but she’s funny and I love her so I’ll forgive it.

She’s Father Brown’s housekeeper, she’s basically just the fussing maternal female character archetype who fusses around in the background, but she does it well and plays it with charm so I’ll allow it.

(Honestly this whole film is just. Not *technically* good or original, but just so charming and with so much heart that I unironically adore it.)

She tries to make Father Brown drink his milk because it’s good for him even though he doesn’t like it, and keeps checking back in on him to make sure he’s drunk it, it’s literally like a mother and her small child.

She objects to policemen in the presbytery because of their “big muddy boots on the carpet” but is fine with just letting Flambeau in whenever despite the prevailing rumour in London being that Flambeau killed a man. We stan a queen of having priorities.

When Inspector Valentine summons Father Brown to the station, Mrs Boggs pops up in the background, assumes Father Brown’s being arrested, and says “Oh dear, I knew it!” and it makes me giggle like an idiot every time.

The other, more important original character invented for this movie is my girl Evelyn Fischer:

I love her, I would die for her, she’s flawless.

She’s basically your typical bored and rebellious young aristocrat, but she has a chaotic streak that I adore.

She sneaks out of her family’s mansion to go to a seedy underground club/illegal gambling ring in Soho (I mean I assume it’s Soho, a seedy part of London in that general vicinity, at least. I’m not about to get bogged down trying to understand the geography of London according to Hollywood), flirts with a bunch of strangers for fun, then when the police raid the place and everyone else is panicking she stands stock still, cheerfully says “Oh goody, I shall probably get my name in the papers!” and has to be physically dragged out of the building by Flambeau.

Later on Flambeau breaks into her bedroom in the middle of the night and she’s just very calmly like “What are you doing?”, and even when she finds out it’s Flambeau, a man widely believed to be dangerous and violent, instead of being scared, she calls him an idiot right to his face.

She forms the third part of the main trio of the movie with Father Brown and Flambeau (RIP to Valentine, demoted to tertiary character in a loose adaptation of the one (1) story where he was the main character lol) and together the three of them share a single braincell and have to take turns with it, while Mrs Boggs fusses in the background at the trio’s increasingly bonkers decisions.

The movie ends with Father Brown and Evelyn sharing an emotional farewell with Flambeau through the window of a police car and promising to look after each other until Flambeau’s released, wow poly rights.

The Adventures of Father Brown (1945):

The adaptation there’s the least amount of information about, but I’ve done my best to find everything I can find on it.

An American radio show made towards the end of wartime, it’s a bit of an odd one, and believe me Father Brown adaptations have gone some odd places.

Only two episodes survive, or at least if more do survive then whoever has them is being very selfish and hoarding them to themselves because only two episodes are publicly available anywhere, and the audio quality of those is a bit dodge. (Though that is to be expected, they do appear to be home recordings, from 1945. Honestly we should be grateful to even have two full episodes.)

If the actors I’ve found are the right people, this show featured by far the youngest Father Brown and Flambeau, at the start of the show the actor playing Father Brown was only 36 and the actor playing Flambeau was only 27. They’re BABIES. (Honestly I’d like to see more age variation in Father Brown adaptations, as I have extensively rambled about before, the characters have literally no canon ages in the books, I think people ought to be a little more imaginative instead of always building on the adaptations that came before, even if it is really cool to see traces of all the previous adaptations in each new one that comes along. It’s something I haven’t noticed as much in adaptations of other golden age detective novels, but the Father Brown adaptations do seem to be stuck in some kind of game of “yes, AND” with each other. I would REALLY like to see an adaptation where Flambeau is older than Father Brown though, it's just something we've never had before despite there being literally nothing in the books to suggest this can't be the case, and I just think it'd be neat.)

This show is really really painfully American, in a real old fashioned "golly gee whizz mister" kind of way, to the point it almost feels like a parody, and I honestly find it kind of endearing.

Even Flambeau frequently slips into a very American accent to the point that my affectionate nickname for him is "The All-American Flambeau", and it's great. He's great.

Honestly I could accept the accents and the slang, for some reason the only thing that really threw me was Father Brown referring to money in cents and nickels.

Needless to say, this adaptation is not set in London. It is instead set in Generic Unspecified Smalltown USA. It's fine. This is fine. I already have so many films and shows set in London, I can swallow my London pride and let America have this.

It's hard to get a real grasp on characters from just two episodes, but I like this Father Brown and Flambeau, even if they are a little overly serious, and even if Flambeau doesn't really do much. He may be a bit serious and a bit useless but All-American Flambeau stays up late anxiously waiting for Father Brown to get home safely and it's very sweet. What a good boy.

All-American Flambeau also carries handcuffs around with him for some reason? But no weapons? Why is All-American Flambeau one of the few Flambeaus not to have a gun? Oh well, he's still sweet.

The 1945 radio show also gives us some original characters, but they're very much side characters and not part of the main plot and it's very hard to get a good grasp on a character from just a few minutes of audio from just two episodes but here's what I could gather:

Nora is another fussing housekeeper! She seems younger and less maternal than Mrs Boggs, but I don't know if that's just because the whole cast was on the younger side. (Could the radio station not find anyone over the age of 40? Were they in short supply in 1945 or something? Ah well.) She seems dedicated to helping Father Brown get some peace and quiet that he never goddamn gets because someone always goes and gets themselves murdered. In both surviving episodes a knock at the door disturbs Father Brown’s rest, Nora opens it professionally, sees it's Flambeau, and immediately drops the professionalism and is immediately like "oh it's only you", so I can only assume every episode started this way. I do hope so.

Father Peter is a junior priest who answers to Father Brown and takes over his duties on his days off. He's implied by the dialogue to be considerably younger than Father Brown, Nora, and Flambeau, but if their actors are anything to go by then they're not that old themselves, and though Father Brown seems to talk to Father Peter like he's a literal child, he is still a priest so I very much doubt that's the case. He seems sweet and harmless, but he's only in one of the surviving episodes and only in that towards the end and mentioned briefly at the start, so it's hard to judge completely. It's highly unlikely that the reason he's not even mentioned in the later surviving episode is because he turned out to secretly be an evil murderer, but, this being a Father Brown adaptation, not entirely unfounded. (But no, he's probably just a sweet boy who exists to have exposition delivered to him.)

Father Brown/The Detective (1954):

The Alec Guinness movie! The one haters of any of the other adaptations complain that adaptation isn't more like, but in my humble opinion, actually the worst adaptation.

Like, I don't hate it! The cast is mostly stellar actors and if I just saw it as a movie on its own, it'd probably be fine. But as a Father Brown adaptation watched in context of the books and the other adaptations, it has a few issues imo.

Most glaringly it has Tone Issues. This film cannot decide if it's a comedy or not. The original posters certainly marketed it as one (see above) and half the cast are noted comic actors who were famous at the time for comedy, goddamn SID JAMES is in it, but the entire third act is played painfully straight, half the cast is mugging for the camera and trying way too hard to be funny while the other cast is giving extremely serious and subtle performances, like. I have no problem with a Father Brown adaptation being played for laughs, and I have no problem with a Father Brown adaptation being played for drama, both can work beautifully, but just PICK ONE, PLEASE

All of my other gripes with the film are very petty and nitpicky, this film calls Father Brown and Flambeau "Ignatius Brown" and "Gustav Flambeau" even though Father Brown has the canon first initial "J" and Flambeau has the canon first name "Hercule", and I hate it a lot. "Ignatius and Gustav" is the second worst thing any Father Brown adaptation has ever done to me.

My other petty nitpick with the movie is that it makes Flambeau literal nobility. The man is a duke. In my opinion Flambeau should always either have a completely mysterious past or be a nobody who came from nothing, someone who grew up with land and title and many servants and a family coat of arms, living in a whole entire castle with his family name and coat of arms engraved into the side of it, growing up and stealing from people, is a whole lot less sympathetic in my opinion. Like to be fair his parents are dead which is sad I guess and his castle has seen better days, but dude. You still own a castle. People who live in castles do not get to lecture other people about materialism.

THAT SAID, Peter Finch is still the best thing about the movie. I love all Flambeaus dearly, even the ones that are little bitches. He’s a bit of an emo “oh woe is me” sadboy, but he’s very charming, and actually good at disguises and being undercover, get dunked on Lukas!Flambeau.

Guinness!Brown likes to feed ducks and Flambeau calls him “the angel with the flaming umbrella”, which makes my inner Good Omens fan who loves finding parallels between Aziraphale & Crowley and Father Brown & Flambeau go 👀

There is one really good scene, in the Paris Catacombs. And by “good” I mean “really really bafflingly gay”:

I truly, truly do not understand how this scene was written, directed, acted, filmed, and edited without ANYONE saying “hey lads does this seem a bit gay to you?”

Father Brown, literally lying on top of Flambeau and pinning him to the ground, whispering: “I would like to set you free.” Flambeau, softly, gently smiling while his face is literal inches away from Father Brown, who is still pinning him to the ground: “Ah, now I begin to understand what you are.”

What the fuck, you guys. What the entire fuck. This scene keeps me up at night.

ANYWAY

This film is also not set in London. It is instead mostly set in a rural English village, and partially in Paris and partially in rural France. Paris is fun but I miss London.

This film also has some original characters. I should probably talk about them.

This is Lady Warren:

She’s Father Brown’s friend, and she’s a Lady, and that’s all I can really tell you.

She’s very well-mannered and dignified and sophisticated.

She gives me the vibe that she exists solely because the writers decided they needed a female character but then remembered at the last minute they had no idea how to write women, so as a result she is almost entirely irrelevant to the plot. I don’t want to say I don’t like her, because she’s done nothing wrong and it’s not her fault, but like. Why is she here? Poor thing, she deserved to be plot-relevant, really.

She lives in a big mansion and owns some very nice things, and she gets annoyed when she invites Father Brown to lunch but he just stares blankly into space thinking about Flambeau the whole time. (Mood honestly FB. Me too.)

She flirts a bit with Flambeau in one very pointless scene that came the hell out of nowhere, went nowhere, and was never mentioned again. It was like the writers realised how gay the previous Flambeau scene was and suddenly tried to convince me this man is a hetero. Nice try, writers. You can’t fool me that easily.

The other main original character is Bert:

Alright, own up, whose bright idea was it to put Sid James in a Father Brown movie?

Bert is a smalltime criminal who’s a friend of Father Brown, who Father Brown protects from the police, but tries to convince to get on the straight and narrow by getting him as a job as Lady Warren’s chauffer.

This is would be fine, were it not for the fact he’s played by Sid James, who only knows how to play Sid James, and is just Sid Jamesing it up in every scene. I don’t have anything against Sid James. I like my fair share of Carry On films. But Sid James does not belong in Father Brown and I want to fight whoever decided he did.

Father Brown (1974):

LADS LADS LADS! It’s time for the first TV show, and it’s time for my favourite boys:

Oh! OH! How I love Kenneth More!Brown and Dennis Burgess!Flambeau. They’re just. So cute. My two special boys.

Not only that, but LADS! We’re finally back in London!

A gritty, dirty, London in the 1930s no less, with cool London buses and political unrest and grimy pubs and the constant threat of world war. Alexa this is so cool play London Calling.

In one episode Flambeau gets verbally abused by an anti-immigration right-wing zealot. :( My poor boy. :(

(But it’s okay, shortly after Father Brown witnesses this, the racist shows up dead in exactly the place Father Brown earlier said would be a good place to commit a murder. Now I’m not accusing Father Brown of murder, BUT)

This show made the bold but valid decision to skip Flambeau’s redemption arc and start the show when Flambeau is already a seasoned and respected private detective who’s lived in London and been Father Brown’s closest friend for many years. As a result this Father Brown and Flambeau are ridiculously domestic with each other. Look at this peak Old Married Couple energy:

Oh! I just love them.

I would love to know how Burgess!Flambeau’s redemption went down though, because Burgess!Flambeau is BY FAR the least repentant of all the reformed Flambeaus. He proudly boasts about his crimes, he still believes he “deserved to succeed”, he still proudly talks about how “daring and outrageous” he was, which begs the question of why did he stop at all? Literally the only explanation I can think of is that he’s literally only doing this for Father Brown’s sake, which. uwu

Oh GOD I love Burgess!Flambeau. Obviously I love all Flambeaus a lot, and choosing a favourite feels like choosing a favourite child, but let’s just say: if the Flambeaus WERE my children, Burgess!Flambeau would be quite spoilt. My ~ Daring And Outrageous ~ boy.

More!Brown and Burgess!Flambeau are both really really socially awkward, uncomfortable in crowds, and nervously say “oh dear” a lot. They really are ridiculously cute.

They also only giggle and joke and act silly when they’re together, when they’re apart they’re both sort of sad and quiet and withdrawn. (This makes episodes Flambeau isn’t in a bit harder to watch because Father Brown is just kind of lost and lonely without his emotional support Frenchman, with three notable exceptions: that time Father Brown infodumped about the mating habits of whales at the Father Superior for a solid minute, that time Father Brown met a dog and reacted with unrestrained delight, and that time someone mentioned former criminals in passing and Father Brown’s whole face lit up and he started gushing about how Flambeau was living in London now and doing very well as a private detective, completely unprompted.)

This show also brought back book!Brown and Flambeau’s habit of always going on holiday together! Wonderful! We love to see it!

This show is also the first time in the entire Father Brown franchise where gay people are overtly acknowledged to exist! And Father Brown is non-judgemental! A roman catholic priest written in the 1970s and living in the 1930s who canonically isn’t homophobic! I have no choice but to stan forever!

You remember what I said about liking to point out Good Omens parallels? WELL

Kenneth More!Father Brown and Dennis Burgess!Flambeau both live in London

Burgess!Flambeau lives in a brightly lit, pale walled, airy and spacious, modern (for the time) London apartment, while More!Brown prefers gothic architecture and lives in an old, grey, cramped, stone building absolutely full floor to ceiling with books

They go out for intimate candlelit dinners for two at very fancy London restaurants

Desperate people come to Flambeau because he “knows the game on both sides of the fence”

Father Brown responds with a quiet and miserable “oh dear” when asked to actually do his job instead of just watching plays and drinking wine

Father Brown calls Flambeau “my dear” at times and it personally kills me

I mean. I’m just saying. 👀

Now, isn’t there a third important character in the books?

Oh yes of course:

HIM! THE BASTARD MAN! INSPECTOR VALENTIN HIMSELF!

(Nobody understands him! IT’S NOT! EVIL!)

This show is the literally only adaptation to include the Valentin betrayal and I’m not gonna lie. It’s a very difficult episode to sit through, it’s far darker and grimmer and more depressing than you would ever expect from Father Brown, but my god it’s done so well. Especially considering the teeny tiny budget they clearly had, only four sets are used the entire episode and the whole thing takes place inside Valentin’s house, but even that adds a certain claustrophobic atmosphere and just. It’s done so well.

I think the entire budget went on gore effects because the decapitated heads in this episode are disturbingly realistic for the time the show was made and genuinely grim to look at. Not to mention the intense downer ending. Not to mention this was THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE SHOW

THE INTENSE DOWNER ENDING OF THIS EPISODE IS HOW THE WHOLE SHOW ENDED

God it hurts so much but I lowkey love it.

Father Brown Stories (1984):

The second radio series, and the first BBC adaptation!

Thrilling times for fans of actors being the right nationality for their characters, because after previously being played by a Hungarian, an American, an Englishman, and a Welshman, Flambeau is finally being played by a Frenchman, Olivier Pierre!

Father Brown himself is played by Andrew Sachs, Manuel himself.

Not gonna lie. It’s kind of hard to figure out how to explain the radio show.

We’re? Maybe back in London? Honestly it’s really unclear.

Pierre!Flambeau is kind of adorable. He’s described as looking like book!Flambeau physically, huge and buff and terrifying, but he has literally none of the temper or predisposition to violence.

Pierre!Flambeau doesn’t speak very good English at all, and oftentimes will react with “...What?” when he hears a strange English idiom or turn of phrase.

One time he says “Perhaps we should.. push on? SEE HOW I AM MASTERING YOUR ENGLISH IDIOMS” and it’s the cutest thing that’s ever happened.

To try and get better at understanding both the English language and the English people, Flambeau starts obsessively reading Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass, massive giant adorable boy.

One time Father Brown gets complimented of being academically minded and well read, and then asked if Flambeau is also a keen reader, and when Flambeau tries to say no, Father Brown interrupts and proudly and earnestly says “Oh yes! Monsieur Flambeau is one of our top Lewis Carroll scholars!”, it’s honestly adorable.

This adaptation finally uses “John” as Father Brown’s first name, as it should always have been! I love it!

This series said FUCK Father Brown having a mysterious past and no former friends or relatives! Now he has siblings, and friends who knew him before he was a priest who still call him “John”!

Father Brown himself speaks in a very sweet and soft and wavering way that makes my heart melt.

Sadly and unfortunately, I have to acknowledge the final episode of the show, which is the top worst thing any Father Brown adaptation has ever done to me.

It’s. It’s a crossover. With Sherlock Holmes. Actual goddamn Sherlock Holmes is in it. I hate it. I hate it so much. “Elementary, my dear Flambeau” shut the hell up, if this Flambeau won’t fling you down a flight of stairs then I will.

I deliberately avoided all Holmes-related media for THREE YEARS only for the awful man to spring up on me in Father Brown?? How could you do this to me???

I’m going to yeet myself into the sun, bye everyone.

(On the plus side, the Sherlock Holmes episode does have one of Father Brown’s parishioners recognise Flambeau as “a close friend of Father Brown and a frequent visitor to his room” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), so that’s nice I suppose. I’ll still never forgive the writers of this show for putting me through this.)

Father Brown (2013):

YOU ARE HERE.

I kind of see the current TV series as a culmination of all the adaptations that’ve come before? I can definitely see echoes of all of them in it.

And it’s great! I really really love it. I love it a lot.

I think about it daily.

My one and only complaint I would have is that Flambeau isn’t in it enough. Not just because he’s my favourite, though I’d obviously not be fooling anyone who’s read all this if I said he isn’t.

And it’s not that I don’t love the show as it is, and find the one Flambeau episode a series always something really special, so I don’t know what I’d have the writers do, exactly.

But it’s just. In literally every other version of Father Brown, Flambeau is the second most important character and the second main protagonist, and to have him in this show so little that some fans or reviewers call him a “minor character” and others call him a “recurring villain”, though I myself don’t see him either of those ways of course because he’s still Flambeau, it’s just kinda sad and painful, y’know?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being silly.

Hopefully he’s a regular in at least the final season of the show. If I don’t get my favourite partners in crime solving I’m rioting.

Anyway that’s my “””brief””” rundown on all the main versions of Father Brown!! I hope you liked it!!

#Anonymous #father brown #hercule flambeau #flambrown

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imaginingsoftly · 4 years

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Baseball Trivia Pt.4 - Josh Anderson

Type: Y/N insert shorts, strangers to enemies-ish to lovers, series

Requested: No

Warnings: standard swearing

A/N: This is the final part! Thank you all so much for reading along, and I hope you enjoyed! Just a note on something from the beginning of the piece, an SID is a Sports Information Director. It’s what Y/N does, I just hadn’t mentioned the title previously.

It was uncharacteristically hot in Vancouver, and it fit Y/N’s angry mood. The anger from Josh’s accusations still hadn’t worn off, and it wasn’t making her job any easier as she dealt with yet another SID who couldn’t follow directions. University of Alberta’s SID clearly hadn’t read any of her emails, and she knew he’d been screening her calls once she started making them since he couldn’t be bothered to read the emails. She had access to Alberta’s stats, but only through their website, so she didn’t know if they were updated, and he had yet to get her a starting lineup. Apparently she would have to go above his head for that.

Tom, one of the grounds guys who had been with the university for as long as she’d been alive, waved as she stomped down the stairs of the press box. “Going to teach some people a lesson?” Tom laughed as she threw her hands up in the air in a ‘you guessed it’ gesture, and she smiled slightly as she slipped outside. It was impossible to stay mad when Tom was around.

Both of the teams were warming up already, though thankfully Alberta’s coach was standing on the sideline and not running the drills from the field. Their SID was nowhere to be seen, and Y/N was beginning to wonder if he even existed. If he wasn’t in the press box with her he should have been on the field with the coaches. She caught a couple of the players ogling her as they completed their drills, and she groaned inwardly. She was wearing khakis and a university polo, for fucks sake!

The coach looked in her direction when she was about ten feet away, and he headed in her direction. “Coach Anderson! It’s nice to meet you.” Y/N stuck out her hand to shake as she reached him, and he gripped her right hand with a smile. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N, the SID for UBC. I was hoping to get your lineup for today?” Anderson nodded tightly.

“Yes, of course,” he said briskly, “Jerry didn’t send it to you?” Y/N shook her head, and he pursed his lips. “That’s the third time this season. I apologize, Y/N.” She smiled at the coach and assured him it was no trouble, even though inwardly she was swearing. As long as she had her lineup, she’d get over it. Several members of the team stared at her as she walked away, she could feel it, but a whistle blew and Anderson yelled at them to get back to work. Y/N smiled inwardly. At least one of the men out here wasn’t an ass.

The game went off without a hitch, and media went faster than usual, and Jerry finally appeared when it was time for media. Who the hell knows where he was during the game. It was early in conference play, and UBC was a hell of a lot better than Alberta. There wasn’t much of a story to be written. Tom was still working on the field when she finished writing her overview, riding slowly on a mower through the field. It would be the women’s turn to play tomorrow, and Y/N knew Tom liked the field to be perfect on game days. He looked happy on his mower, his straw hat still sitting on his head from earlier, when it was sunny. These were the moments she lived for, outside of the chaos of game time. The athletics side of campus was so peaceful at night. Y/N smiled over at the baseball field as she slid past, her favorite place to work. She would have to get Sam, the facilities director, to unlock the gate for her tomorrow. It was her favorite place to work outside of the office.

She finally left campus a little after nine, and debated stopping to get food. On one hand it would be nice to have it ready after she showered, but on the other it wasn’t in her budget for the week. It was a bone-deep exhaustion that had takeout calling her name as she drove through the city, but Y/N convinced herself it wouldn’t take long to make something small when she got home. Maybe oatmeal. The climb up ten floors in the elevator felt like it took longer than usual, and Y/N let herself into her apartment with a groan. This was her sanctuary. All of the wandering eyes and the unnecessary stress of fighting sexism to prove her worth to the department melted away when she got her first glimpse of the city view every night. The apartment sat in the middle of the city, high enough that she had a fantastic view. Outside of the baseball field, this was her favorite place in Vancouver.

Y/N was just about to open up a beer to shower with when a knock sounded at her door. It was late for visitors, even for Thatcher to show up, so she approached the peep-hole cautiously. Josh stood on the other side, food in one hand and coffee in the other. “What the hell,” Y/N whispered to herself. She looked up to the sky, cursing whoever had given him her address, and opened the door.

He looked scared when she opened it, and she tried not to laugh at the sight, despite also wanting to slam the door in his face. “What.” Josh bit his lip at the harshness of her tone.

“I came to apologize.” Josh lifted his hands to show the food, as if to prove his words. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. It was in anger, but that’s not an excuse. I’d like to talk, at least try to be civil.” Y/N sighed, but she opened the door further. Josh hesitated, but he stepped inside.

He looked good, and Y/N cursed her body for how it reacted to him. He looked cozy like always, in joggers and a t-shirt, and Y/N had to mentally hold herself back so she didn’t run her fingers through the dark hair falling in his eyes. Josh gestured silently at the coffee table with the food and drinks, and she nodded. They moved together to the living area, and Y/N hesitated slightly when Josh put the stuff on the table and then settled onto the couch. “Will you sit, please?” Josh’s voice was soft, and she sat before thinking about it. “Bo told me your address,” he said with a small smile, “I’m sure you were probably wondering how I knew it.” She was going to kill him. And Holly. Damn meddling assholes.

“Did they tell you to apologize too?” The words came out sharper than Y/N meant for them too, and she almost felt bad when Josh leaned back slightly.

“I was already planning on it when they told me to. If it makes you feel any better, Holly slapped me when I told her what I said.” Y/N put a hand over her mouth to hide her smile. Of course she did. “I shouldn’t have acted that way. I was upset, yeah, and probably more than a little jealous, but that’s not an excuse. It wouldn’t have mattered if you did sleep with half the team, I didn’t have any right to call you a puck bunny.” He paused, like he was trying to decide if he should continue.

“Holly also told me a little bit about you, and about your ex. I hate that I talked about you the way that I did, especially since everyone tells me you do so much for the guys. You flinched slightly when I accused you of messing with the team, and I don’t ever want to be the reason you get that look on your face again. If I could take it all back, maybe start over again, I wouldn’t have said any of it.”

He smiled a little. “Actually, I probably would have mentioned I thought you and Thatcher were dating and that I was jealous, because that part is true. I really like you, Y/N. I’ve been an asshole, and it’s been really easy to ignore it. You’re going to think I’m a total dick when I say this, but you stuck with me after we hooked up. It was hard to believe that you’d left that night, and that you didn’t leave me with anything. No note, no last name, nothing. That’s usually my job.” Y/N broke up Josh’s words as she threw a wadded-up napkin she didn’t realize she was holding at his head. Josh looked at her in shock for a second, and she mouthed a silent ‘sorry’. He began to laugh, and shook his head. “No, I deserved that. It was an asshole thing to say. Anyway, Y/N, I’m really fucking sorry, and I’d like to start over if you’d let me.”

It was hard to stay pissed when he was looking at her with puppy eyes. She was still mad, sure, but damn it he spoke well. And he’d brought food from Luigi’s, her favorite Italian place in the city. Y/N met Josh’s eyes again and made her choice.

“I don’t want to start over.” Josh deflated a little bit, and she registered a surprising level of disappointment in his eyes. He began to stand, nodding, but Y/N reached out a hand to stop him. “I’m not going to pretend last night didn’t happen, and I sure as hell don’t want to forget our night in Ohio.” Josh looked down, eyes wide, and she smiled slightly. “I like you. A lot. But if you ever talk about me like that again I will make you wish you’d never stepped foot in Vancouver.” She squeezed Josh’s arm slightly to go with her warning, and he nodded. Josh sat down slowly.

Y/N released his arm, only to grip his hand lightly. “You want a beer? I’d offer you wine, since you guys usually drink that stuff during the season, but I hate the shit. I don’t keep any here.” Josh laughed and okay-ed the beer. She stopped to take a deep breath into the open fridge door, letting the cool air wash over her face. It should have felt weird to have Josh in her apartment, just like she knew she should have been more mad than she was, but right now it seemed like up was down and down was up. Nothing made much sense. He sat on her couch, in those damned soft clothes, looking like he was meant to be there. That jolt in her skin when she grabbed his arm was the same jolt she felt in Ohio. There was something there, and she had to explore it. Josh looked back at her, likely wondering why she was just standing in front of the fridge, and she smiled at him. His answering smile took her breath away.

The food was set out across the coffee table when Y/N reached the couch again, and it was her normal order, down to the lack of cheese on the pasta. Josh smiled when Y/N handed him the beer, and she slid past him to sit on the couch in front of the setting he’d made for her. “How did you know what my order is?” Josh’s smile was sheepish as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Wait,” she interjected, “let me guess. Bo and Holly.” His answering smile and nod had her shaking her head. They ate silently, though Josh relaxed the longer he sat there without being thrown out. He finally leaned back against the cushions when he finished eating, his beer cradled in his right hand.

“Holly said you don’t hook up very often.” Josh spoke hesitantly, like he was afraid Y/N would change her mind about forgiving him. “Actually, she said never.”

Y/N took her time chewing her spaghetti, organizing her words. “I don’t do emotional detachment very well.” She met Josh’s questioning eyes with a half smile. “I get emotionally attached to people a little too quickly, especially ones I have sex with. I don’t do hookups because hookups lend themselves to emotional detachment and I just end up feeling like shit.” Josh reached over and gripped her thigh lightly, and when he squeezed Y/N was thrown back to Columbus and his hands all over her body. “That’s probably why Holly pushed so hard for you to come over here,” Y/N continued quickly, shaking off the memories. “She knew I was likely already attached to you and not taking the argument well.”

She leaned back over her spaghetti, fighting the urge to look at Josh. It was pretty weird to admit to being attached to a one-time hookup, she knew that. It didn’t make her any less attached, though. Josh squeezed her thigh again, an attention-getter, and Y/N looked over at him questioningly. His eyes were soft, and an understanding had settled over his face. He was starting to get her, and that made Y/N feel damn good.

“I got pretty attached too.” He was? Josh ran his hand through his hair roughly, and Y/N lamented the loss of the weight on her leg. “I’m not used to being attached to a woman romantically like this, but I just can’t get you out of my head. It was easy for a while, until last night actually, but now that I see you again I need to keep you around.” His hand left Y/N’s thigh, and she lamented the loss momentarily. His hand quickly found a home where her neck met her shoulder, and Y/N stared into Josh’s eyes intently. “I want the whole damn thing with you, Y/N Y/L/N. The awkward dates, the good dates, the family meetings, the sex,” Y/N groaned at the last one, and Josh shot her a smile. “I fucked up royally, but I promise I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.”

If he didn’t do anything else well, Josh was made for pretty speeches. Y/N found herself nodding quickly before she could change her mind, and Josh perked up. “Yeah?” She nodded again. “Yeah,” she whispered back.

______________________________________________________________

It took almost 2 months before they told the team they were dating. The Horvats suspected, because they were the only ones who knew about the argument, but everyone else just thought Y/N was accepting Josh into the fold much like she had every other member of the team. Y/N smiled to herself from her spot next to Holly, waiting in the hallway after the game. Gunnar was settled into Y/N’s arms, sleeping finally. He’d become colicky, and sometimes Y/N’s arms were the only ones he would relax in. Holly said she was a baby whisperer, but Y/N insisted it was because he could tell she was the cool aunt.

Josh’s arms came around her from behind, settling on her hips as he rested his head on her shoulder to stare down at Gunnar. “You look good with a baby.” Josh’s words were whispered, but Holly clearly got the gist. She smirked, and raised a hand to high five her husband as he reached their group.

Bo obliged, though he looked confused by both her enthusiasm and the way Y/N and Josh were standing.“They finally got together!” Bo’s confusion turned to one of mischief, and he turned around to holler at Thatcher. Y/N groaned, because she knew what was coming.

“Yo! Dems!” Thatcher turned away from his spot chatting up Jordie and Jessie to raise an eyebrow at Bo. “You owe me fifty bucks!” He pointed at Y/N and Josh, the latter of which raised a hand to wave at Thatcher. Thatcher’s face split as he barked out a laugh, and the team began to cheer. Bo turned back to the pair with a smile. “We’ve been taking bets on how long it would take for you two to get together. I had bet you already were, but hadn’t told anyone. Guess I was right.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, though she settled deeper into Josh’s chest. Of course they’d bet on it. Boys would be boys. Thatcher broke free from his conversation to make his way over, stopping in front of them with a glare Y/N could tell wasn’t that serious. “Hurt her, I kill you. I don’t care if you’re my teammate, that’s my family.” Josh nodded seriously, and Y/N rolled her eyes again. Boys.

She handed Gunnar back to his parents with a smile and a goodbye. Josh gripped her hand as they walked to the parking lot, and Y/N squeezed back gently. “I’m really thankful I broke my no-athlete rule for you.”

Josh didn’t speak for a minute, though he opened the car door for Y/N and waited as she settled into the seat. He leaned forward and kissed her gently. “I’m really thankful you know so much random sports shit.”

#josh anderson imagine #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #Baseball Trivia ML

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hockeyfun · 6 years

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Mathew Barzal #1

Not Requested

Word count:1871

Warnings: Drinking, cheating, dirty dancing

Authors note: i’m back and trying to get better at writing more often. I still have requests from over two years ago. I’m sorry I’m the worst. I still plan on doing them. I know the person probably doesn't follow me anymore but i guess it’s just a guide for me to spit out some stories. //actually about the writing// I might have a second part for this or even makes it a little bit of a series. Once i have some more of my requests done I kinda have something fun I want to start! Please Enjoy! Thank you.

Men were attracted to you, and you enjoyed it. Growing up you were that type of girl who always had a boyfriend, but was never able to keep them. Well it was more like they couldn’t keep you. You didn’t want it to be that way, but it just was. The men you dated just couldn’t give you what you wanted, an epic love. You wanted a love filled with so much emotion it hurt. You couldn’t help it. At a young age you began writing. You had a natural talent for it. As the older you got the more and more your english teachers began to tell you that you should consider writing as a career. Mush to your parent’s dismay, you agreed and went to school for creative writing. Your education and natural gift is what got your book series to the number one spot in New York’s Best Sellers. There was talk about a movie or tv deal. You were sort of a big deal in your neck of the woods. You wrote of epic true loves. Love that was forbidden, or cursed. A love that could prevail it all and defeat evil. That is why you couldn’t keep a man. Ben, the man you were with now, was one of the longest relationships you’ve had, but you could feel yourself growing indifferent towards him.

Your thoughts were clouded with frustration. Why were you like this. The frustration manifested in you slamming your fist down onto the table where you were sitting at. Your hot coffee spilled all over your hand, burning it. Instant regret filled you for acting so dramatically and childish. After cleaning up the mess you made in the coffee shop you were at, you needed a drink. You packed up your purse and began to make your way to your favorite bar.

When you got there you already had exchanged a bunch of texts with Ben. He was wondering where you were. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell him. You were feeling self destructive and mysterious right now. You could feel yourself wanting a sloppy drunk night Wanting it to end only in one way, with a one night stand. You weren’t a cheater and you didn’t plan to act on this emotion, just the first part, getting drunk. The bar you go to regularly was a place for young people. It was filled with games, such as mini bowling, large jenga, ring tosses, and much more. It was a nice place to people watch. The groups of people cheering and as the night went on and on the more sloppy they got, and the more flirty they got. Sometime the boys would get up the courage to flirt with you using the typical lines and their egos floating until you reject them. They couldn’t offer you anything that no other man had offer you’d before, and look how well that turned out for the previous men in your life, or even the current one. You found a seat at the bar far off in the corner hoping people would get the message you wanted to be alone even though you didn’t. The bar tender recognized you immediately and put her hand out for your bag. You handed it to her and she hid it behind the bar. “The usual?” she asked. You shook your head no, “I’d like a strong Jameson and coke, and a beer,” you responded feeling angsty. She just gave you a bit of look not understanding your intentions for the night. You noticed drinks tell a lot about the person’s story. Your story tonight was exactly what you wanted it to be, a story of a lone wolf surrounded by people, a tragedy. When your drinks came, you practically downed the Jameson and coke. You felt the alcohol reaching your bloodstream and settling in, it fogged your brain just a little. You made eye contact with the bartender again letting her know you needed another but to take her time. You began to sip on your beer for now. You swiveled in your chair to look at the crowds beginning to form the later the night got. A loud group of young athletic men walked in. The bar filled much faster since the group of boys got here, making you to believe they were important. The lot of them stuck together but all seemed to have their own interest. A few went to play the games, a few went to search for women, and some went straight to the bar. You finished your beer and turned towards the new Jameson and coke. One of the boys from the group began walking towards you. He didn’t make eye contact and didn’t seemed too interested. He had dark flowing hair, one that reminded you of images of a young knight going to save the locked up princess. He leaned onto the counter waiting to catch the eye of the bartender. You took notice to the muscular arms that were next to you. The sleeves of his shirt stretching just enough to show just how muscular he really was. He didn’t even look at you once when he waited, which intrigued you. Usually men flocked to you fighting for your attention, tonight was different. You would catch the eyes of the boys and you could see it, you saw they wanted you but they didn’t act on it. Instead they turned to the easier girls in front of them (not that being an easy girl is a bad thing). “I’ll order a Bud light, and another drink of choice for her,” the man next to you nodded in your direction without making eye contact. It was his first time acknowledging you since coming your way. Your bartender friend looked at you for your consent, you nodded. He finally turned and looked at you. He didn’t give a warm smile but held a cocky smirk on his lips. “Do I get a thank you?” he questioned. Now that you were looking directly at him, you noticed he had to be a few years younger than you. “I never asked for the drink, you were the one that take a chance and bought it,” you spoke a bit strongly. His eyes had captured your attention and by being rude and mean you were hoping to scare off the young boy, even though you didn’t want to. He gave you a wide smile. “Feisty.” The bartender came up with the drinks and set the drinks down in front of him. He fished in his pocket and gave her a $50, and told her to keep the change. You gave him a skeptical look. He was showing off. He grabbed the drinks and began to hand you yours, when he pulled it back, “Name,” he commanded. You rolled your eyes and gave it to him. Once the drink was in your hand you twirled the ice around with the straw. “run along, young puppy,” you responded with a wave of your hand. The man in front of you smiled amusingly at you, revealing his perfectly white and straight set of teeth. You were a little jealous of how perfect the boy looked like in front of you. He leaned with his beer holding arm, against the bar counter top. “Oh now come on, I bought you a drink and you’re not even going to talk to me?” he questioned. You looked up at him with a bit of anger in your eyes. “A woman never owes a man anything, especially because I didn’t ask for the drink in the first place,” you refuted. He put his free hand up in mercy, “I didn’t say you owed me anything. I just thought my act of kindness would warrant a bit more in the conversation department,” he laughed. “I have a boyfriend, so flattery can only get you so far,” you responded by taking a big gulp of your drink. The contents of all the alcohol you’ve had finally fully fogged up your brain. The longer this boy stayed, the more likely you’d cheat on Ben. “You say that like it’s supposed to scare me away,” he added, unswayed to leave, “if you have a boyfriend then why are you all alone at a bar flirting with me?” he wondered. You couldn’t help yourself. You leaned in closer to the young boy. “Is this what you call flirting?” you whispered to him. He leaned back in a fit of laughter and amusement. You smiled at his reaction. “Well, I guess that settles it then,” he took a finishing sip of his beer, “If you want to continue our fun tonight you know where to find me,” he tipped his empty beer bottle in a cheers fashion. He began to walk away. “Wait,” you called out to him. He turned around with a cocky smile knowing he had hit a nerve with you. “What’s your name?” you asked. “Mathew Barzal,” he responded and turned to walk away. It took you awhile to finish your drink. You couldn’t get your mind off the young boy, Mathew. Once you finished your drink, you were drunk, absolutely drunk. You threw some money down on the bar for your drinks and turned. You finally felt the true amount of alcohol in your system. It was a lot but nothing you couldn’t handle. You scanned the room. You knew you should go home, back to Ben, but you weren’t going to. You were looking for a specific knight. It took you awhile to find Mathew. He was talking to a young, younger than you at least, woman. She was skinny, cute, and caused your skin to boil. The jealousy (and alcohol) in your blood made you b-line for Mathew. He didn’t notice you until you talked, “let’s dance,” you commanded. He turned to look at you, a little shocked. You noticed his friends all turned to see what was happening. Now that you were closer you noticed their ages varied, but their athletic build did not. He gave a lazy crooked smile, he was obviously more drunk than the first time you two talked, just as you were. He took your hand and lead you to the dance floor. He spun you around so your back was to his front. He leaned down into your ear, “I thought you had a boyfriend?” he tested you. You leaned your head back. His eyes sparkled and you felt like you could drown in them, “I do,” you pressured. He looked up in thought for a second, and he leaned down like he was going to respond but instead he kissed you. You turned your body so that you were facing him. You melted into the kiss. Any thought of Ben you had was gone. You were consumed by Mathew. You had your hands wrapped in his hair, feeling its lushness and beauty. One of his hands rested on your hip pulling you closer to him, never wanting to let you go. The other hand was on the back of your head keeping you where you were. You felt locked up yet free. This boy gave you everything you needed, adventure, forbidden love, and excitement.

#nhl imagines #nhl drabble #nhl imagine #nhl drabbles #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #nhl fanfictions #nhl fics #Hockey Fanfiction #hockey fanfic #hockey imagines #hockey one shots #hockey imagine #hockey fanfictions #hockey drabble #hockey drabbles #mathew barzal #hockeyfun

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officialthiamlibrary · 6 years

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Welcome to another profile on Behind the Screens, giving you personal insight on who your favorite creators are and what they do when they aren’t wowing you with their creative ability.

Happy Tuesday friends! Today, we have the delightful pleasure in getting to know one of your most requested authors, @formerprincess. Rena, our aforementioned guest, is the writer of numerous works, most notably A Tale of Claws and Fangs, Overslept, and Finding My Way To You. As you’ll come to find out, she’s also so much more, so let’s not wait a second more to dive in.

Rena! To get us started, share something about yourself! And for the twist: the word could should be around the number of letters of the characters in you’re favorite TW rarepair ship.

Erica Reyes + Stiles Stilinski = 25

Shy but it you know me I can be pretty weird. Huge book lover. Disney Fangirl. Big heart. Need writing like air. Wrestling fan.

Woah, really?! A wrestling fan? What got you into it?

I get this question so often haha. Because I appear so shy and innocent, people are always like: What? Wrestling? You? It’s fun.

My dad watched it for a while and sometimes I watched it with him, nothing too invested. But then I learned about Nikki and Brie Bella over tumblr rp and I got really curious about them so I researched online. I love them both, especially Brie, love that they stand for strong women and through them I started to actively watch Wrestling and over time gathered some other wrestlers, male and female, I love to see in the ring. It’s fun to watch them and what they do in the ring is impressive.

From wrestling to Teen Wolf, I dig it! And, how you find your way to the Thiam fandom? What about the two grabbed a hold on you?

That’s kind of a long story. I started watching Teen Wolf because I saw gifs and pictures of it on tumblr. I got curious and wanted to see this show but it wasn’t broadcasted on TV in my country, so I kind of searched online for a way and I watched until the point where Liam was introduced in the series but then stopped because I lost interest and with work I was too busy to even think of Teen Wolf. And then I was on tumblr and I saw a gifset of the scene where Liam and Theo almost fistbumped and I was like ‘Oh hey, these two are cute together.’ I don’t even know why, I just liked the chemistry they had in the scene, Theo’s soft smile, and all. I grew curious who they were because I recognized Liam but I had no idea who Theo was. Quick online search. Aha, those two are Theo and Liam, Thiam for short. Interesting. The Thiam fandom was so very small at this point, there like five fanfics or whatever, so I didn’t really get much from my little expedition into the Thiam fandom.

I kind of forgot about them again because life and other stuff and all and then I saw something about Theo being evil months after my little encounter with the Thiam fandom and I was all ‘Wait a minute! What? But he and Liam…What the hell is going on?’. I was totally confused and stayed confused until was finally able to watch Teen Wolf again (I watched because I heard about the series ending and felt nostalgic so I gave it another shot). I watched season 4, 5, and season 6A and I was hooked!! And so ready for more screen time of Theo and Liam together, so ready to see what would happen to my boys.Tumblr came in handy again and damn had the fandom grown. I saw what everybody had to offer and the ship itself gave me so much inspiration that I wanted to contribute and put in my own two cents on them. The fandom was so welcoming and friendly, it felt like a family from the start and thus I decided to stay. I met many great people because of Thiam already, it’s really awesome.

What drew me in about them? The unspoken chemistry between them, not only romantically but also platonically. Even when I saw gifsets from them without any context, the looks they shared showed such a connection for me, I was astonished and delighted. And when I saw the whole scenes with them, every episode, I liked how different they acted around each other. I always felt like they got each other to a point no other was possible. That doesn’t mean I don’t like the relationship they have with other characters but I always felt they had this special level of a connection. As if they found their ideal counterpart with each other because they both have this fire inside them and don’t shy away from unleashing it.

Oooh, that last bit is so poetic!

Thank you. It came to my mind while I laid in bed and couldn’t fall asleep. When I thought of this, I sat up and almost yelled “That it! That’s Thiam!” Thank god I didn’t or I would have scared the neighbours probably haha.

Haha, most definitely. What’s another thing you’re passionate about beside Thiam and wrestling?

Being creative in general, not only writing. I mean, yes, writing is the biggest thing I am passionate about. I view writing as a way to deal with the stress of daily life and I would go crazy if I couldn’t write. I also write poetry sometimes.

But not only writing, sometimes I like to create some picture collage or maybe an outfit on Polyvore. Or I simply create things in my head, characters, storylines, worlds, whatever I can think of at those moments. Sometimes I take my thoughts and try to realize them in my Sims game, it’s fun.

LOL, fellow Sims lover! This is one of my fav things to do! What’s been your favorite characters/scenario to conceptualize in the game? How did the game turn out? Any entertaining stories?

Hey, that’s great haha! I love to do this and I’m currently building some houses I could use as inspiration for my stories. I usually play with original Sims, see them starting a family and see how many generations I can have until it starts to get old or until I’m running out of ideas but I once created Stiles, Lydia, Erica and Derek in the game and the Stiles Sims immediately took a shining to the Derek Sims. It was hilarious to watch because even when I was not telling him to, he was interacting with Derek, followed him around. It was adorable. He tried to make Derek laugh^^. It ended with them falling in love and Lydia and Erica being the bridesmaids.

Aww, natural shipping, sigh. That’s the best. Let’s say you could put Thiam in a similar situation, but with characters of another show. Which would you choose? How’d you think the interaction would go?

I’d chose Shadowhunters tv series and to me, this would be hilarious and awesome at the same time. Theo and Jace would so have this little competition who’s better at basically everything; Izzy would be like an older sister to Liam but without actually treating him like a baby. She would admire his determination and will to protect those he loves, they have this in common. I imagine Liam and Jace siding when it comes to fighting because they are all like: Act first and think later but really just want to protect their family and friends. Alec would roll his eyes and ask himself what he has done to deserve this but come around in the end because is actually someone able to not like Theo and Liam?

Magnus would be totally amused by the whole thing, especially if Liam and Theo are not a thing yet but he has eyes and he can basically taste the sexual tension okay? And Luke, Liam would not stop asking Luke questions about how he leads his pack and everything because another Alpha, how cool is that??? Also Maia and Liam? Dreamteam! Both struggle with control sometimes and they so would get each other. Imagine Luke and Scott running after their Betas to save them from trouble XD. Theo and Clary, because I love the headcanon about Theo being an artist, would bond over that and probably have a tentative friendship going on.

Before we chat about your works, one more silly question. If you could build the ultimate paintball/laser tag team from any five characters AND one villain on Teen Wolf, who would they be and why?

Liam, Kira, Allison, Theo, Erica, and Kate Argent

Liam because he is very athletic and competitive.

Kira because it surely would fun to have her around and she is just an awesome badass cutie. Also, she has fast reflexes.

Allison because she has an amazing aim and also girl power!

Theo because he is like a mastermind and can come up with the best strategy.

Erica because she is my queen and she would lure the other team out so we can shoot them. She and Theo would be great at making a cunning plan.

And Kate because she is ruthless and would destroy the other team.

Perfect. I still say Theo and Allison would’ve been a sight to behold together–for better or worse. Alright, so we have wrestling, sims, shadowhunters, outfit planning. And on top of all those, writing! If your creative process was a person, what type would they be? What would they do? Wear? Listen to? How do they handle conflict?

They would be a very chaotic type, all over the place. Somebody you see and wonder how they get any work done because they seem to not be organized at all. They would be that type of person that oversleeps and then bolds into work with their bag hanging off one shoulder, their jacket almost slipping down the other shoulder, travel mug filled with coffee clutched in their grip, and clutching a notepad with lots of notes hanging out from it to their chest. They would not be the one that steps into the spotlight at all but rather satisfies with the result of their work.

Their clothing would be a mix from different styles, Boho but also athletic, sometimes chic. Everything they want to wear, they wear it.

Their taste in music is mixed. They mostly listen to Pop but they also have some rocks songs they are addicted to, some Hip Hop. Whenever they hear something with a good beat, good lyrics, that’s what they like and listen to. Their favorite band would probably be Little Mix.

Handle conflict? That’s a tough one. Hm. They would try to see it from the other’s perspective while at the same time telling themselves they should not explode and yell. They are mostly quiet but if they are peeved, they can lash out. If somebody yells at them they would shy away and close themselves off.

Does your creative process also extend to other fandoms? Pairings? Novels or stories with original characters?

I started to lay down the basics for my own original novel and I can’t wait to start. I wanted to write it for years and now I finally got the right motivation and the right mindset.

Aside from Thiam, I have written some fanfictions for Charmed since that’s one of my favorite tv shows. And I have some Stucky fanfictions started as well as the base for a Malec fanfiction that lingers in the back of my mind. But Thiam is definitively the ship that inspires me the most and I wrote the most about.

An original novel, that’s awesome! What genre are you setting it in? Also supernatural?

It is a novel playing in this day and age but it’s all about the supernatural world mixed with the normal world of the humans. Think Charmed or Shadowhunters. You have the innocent humans living without actually knowing that demon witches, vampires and such live among them. The supernatural society is still in the focus of the novel.

That sounds awesome. Would you say there’s one trope or situation that somehow always wrangles itself in your stories?

I try my best to use different tropes and situations to challenge myself as a writer but one thing that happens for sure is character A watching character B and marveling around how gorgeous they look and how stunning they are. Just some good old-fashioned swooning. I just like to imagine one person being so completely enamored by another person that they have to stop and stare for a while because they sight is breathtaking. And the other person is either completely oblivious and continues with what they do, or knows exactly what they are doing, smirk at person A and preen at the attention.

And yes, friends to lovers, I’m a sucker for this.

Who isn’t really?! What’s the best friends to lovers story you’ve ever read, either fanfiction or novel? (Or one of the best, since they’re probably so many to choose from)

I guess it’s one of the greatest tropes out there haha. Puh, I read so many great stories and novels about that trope, it’s hard to tell. I remember a novel I once read (I can’t remember the title or the character names though) where this was one of the main story lines but it really took the whole novel for them to finally become a couple and yet while reading you saw their relationship growing and evolving. That’s what I always try to achieve with my stories.

I also read a Malec fanfic once where both were human but Magnus was a tattoo artist and Alec a florist. They got to know each other and it was simply perfect, Magnus helped Alec with some things and it was just adorable and awesome and amazing. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the title of this one either. I will search for it and maybe give it a shout out later when I found it again because it was really good

Oh, I’ve read that Malec fic, so good! There’s a fantastic MM novel called Switched—I think—by N.R. Walker that’s friends to lovers and I read it in one night. It’s just something about two people, who know one another in and out, coming together, more sighs.

I’d love to jump into your Thiam works. First, the Raeken Twins and your story, Finding My Way To You. Do you have any twins headcanons/imagines which helped you bring Mike Raeken to life?

I got this awesome ask one day about Theo and Mike from PPL being twins and my mind began to rattle. I thought about Theo, his personality, and began to develop someone who would be Theo’s complete opposite. Pretty Little Liars helped a lot because Mike was a sweetheart there, at least until the point where I stopped watching the show. I absolutely loved the idea of Theo having someone to take care of and protect, being a big brother.

I had a vague scene in my mind where Theo berates Mike for being too trusting and Mike just rolls his eyes and tells his big brother to relax. That was the base on where I developed the Raeken Twins. I wanted somebody who was the opposite of Theo but I didn’t want to go completely black and white and so I carved out Mike’s character more, gave him some rough edges as well.

It is fun to play around with the aspect of Theo having his counterpart who at the same time gets him to a T and has someone he always aimed to protect. He may act like he doesn’t care but it had always been my headcanon that he would do anything for Mike and Mike is that one person who knows everything about Theo and who also knows Theo does in fact care

So, if Mike Raeken was part of the Pack and the TW universe, how would he handle these few scenarios:

a: Who would be his pack allies, the pack members he’d bond with? Who would be his pack friend-enemies?

Mike, just like his brother, would become a member of the puppy pack because Mike’s a puppy too. He’d probably bond the most with Nolan and Corey because they share the most character traits with them being kind of cute and sometimes awkward. Brett would be his crush for sure. But he would also be good friends with Liam and totally root for Thiam.

Friendenemies? Good question. He’s not as harsh as Theo so he probably would not really have problems with the people around. Unless you come for his brother, then he will end you.

b: In a Supernatural crisis, how would he respond?

That clearly depends on the situation. When it comes to facing an enemy and taking them down, Mike’s a fighter and goes into the full experience. He is fast, he is agile, he is ruthless. But if it comes to protecting the people he cares about, he gets very defensive and worries more about them and bringing them to safety than taking part in the fight itself. He’s not even afraid to charge in and drag the person out of the fight (especially his brother). Mike is pretty level-headed and can stay calm even if times get rough. He checks a situation, makes his own theories about it, but he mostly stays in the background, lets the others talk and discuss, and only interferes when he feels like it’s not going anywhere. But most of the times he is fine with just watching and striking when it’s the right time.

c: One hilarious scenario you think would occur between him, Theo, and other member of the pack?

They would pull a Switch-A-Raeken so often to confuse the pack and get their laughs out of this. Liam is probably the only one who can tell them apart because he pays so close attention to them (mostly Theo though) but the others always get totally confused and the twins love to switch even during a conversation to completely confuse everyone.

One situation I find absolutely hilarious and I will write one day would involve the Sheriff, probably to introduce them as twins. One twin gets arrested, the other shows up to bail him out. Stilinski is in his office when suddenly one of the deputies knocks at the door. He calls them in and they open the door, slightly nervous. “We…uhm…have a situation here with the boy we arrested. You might want to check? He said you surely would love that.” The sheriff narrows his eyes and gets up from his chair. He walks out of his office and there they are. Two identical smirks on their faces and casually leaned against the backrest of the bench in front of his office. “Hey, Sheriff!” One of them says. Stilinski is baffled, moments pass by. He finally finds his voice again. “There are two of them? Because one Raeken wasn’t enough???” He yells, voice cracking at the end. He scratches his neck and grimaces. The twins’ smirks intensify. The deputy ducks away and hides behind the computer screen.

Rofl, I hope you do write it! Are you planning to continue Finding My Way To You too? Any spoilers you can slip us?

I am definitely planning to but I have more prominent ideas for A tale written with fangs and claws and other stories at the moment. I do have written some part of the next chapter still. I love this story and the feedback I received was wonderful. Raeken Twins are a fun thing to write about, so expect more to come.

For a spoiler, I will tell you we will have some drama, much love and yes also smut. There will be a slightly different take on the Dread Doctors spin because I am dissecting the storyline a bit to make it more fitting for Finding My Way To You. There will be a shift in the relationship between the twins as well. For everything else, you need to stay tuned ;D

Well, I suppose we must now haha. Until then, we have all of a Tale of Fangs and Claws to keep ourselves busy. Speaking of….a Tale of Fangs and Claws Time!! (I held out for this long; I’m proud of myself.) For anyone unfamiliar, could you give us a quick synopsis? What inspired the idea?

Whooo!! The story is about Liam becoming an Alpha when he least expects it. He and Theo are living in Seattle, are roommates in college, and totally in love with each other but they both feel the other might not return their feelings in the beginning. Theo still joins Liam’s pack and together they return to Seattle. The story follows Liam’s journey in his new role, especially when other werewolves appear and Liam and Theo soon have a pack of their own to take care of. They become a family, face many battles and they all learn more about each other and their strengths and weaknesses, help to find their place in the world.

My inspiration for this came from the sole wish to see Liam as Alpha. I think he would be a great Alpha and would have loved to see it happen at the end of the show as some kind of next-generation thing with the older pack members leaving Beacon Hills and him taking over from Scott. The more I thought about this, the bigger the need for Alpha!Liam became and I started to imagine his pack, created their characters a little bit and searched for faceclaims. It took me a while until I finally started to write the story; until I had a decent enough base to actually imagine turning this into a multi-chapter fic and upload it. Add me playing around with my basic photoshop program and create some Liam as Alpha manips and the inspiration was there. It came to the point where I could no longer hold back and thus I uploaded the prologue. I never imagined the success it would have and I am still amazed by this.

Wow, and it’s almost 300,000 words long! First, huge congrats on being the longest Thiam fic thus far! Is this the longest story you’ve ever written? Did you originally plan all the chapters or has it reshaped itself? Would you say you have a secret to writing longer fics while also keeping your personal interest high?

It’s crazy! Thank you so much!! I have to say I never expected this to turn out so huge, I still can’t believe it. Every time I check the chapter numbers, it still feels so unreal. When I started, I had no idea how long this would be. I had basic elements and certain points I wanted to have happen but everything else was non-existent in the beginning. It still is nowadays because that’s how I write. I don’t have everything planned out and so my own story keeps surprising me but I love this. I’m writing a chapter and some things are coming to my mind while I’m writing and I take a break to consider, bring this in a vague timeline, and then continue writing.

I admire people whohave every little detail plannedout but I’m so not like this and I had it happen to me that I wrote a chapter completely different than I intended to. Because my thoughts didn’t work as good as the thing I had been actually writing, if that makes sense. Sure, I have some scenes I have in mind for a long time and while I have not every word planned out, I have a pretty solid image of the scenes. Theo’s development for example. I knew how I want to have the big moments to happen and I am even more excited than usual when it is time to write it.

The story is indeed the longest I have ever written until now. Who knows what the future has in store? :D

I wouldn’t exactly call it a secret. Thiam itself inspires me so much and receiving so much feedback from so many people is also a very good source of motivation, not gonna lie. This story, the reactions I got from people, has made me feel better about my talent as a writer and that fueled my passion. I associate so many great things with this story and I got attached to every single character that writing a new chapter feels like coming home. I see them as part of my family, my babies if you want, and I am curious to see how they develop further. That’s what keeps me inspired to make this story longer and longer. I’d say the secret, in general, is creating something you truly love, no matter how cliche this sounds. Create this word that is truly you that brings yourself joy and I’m sure you won’t lose interest.

Yes, I so agree! When I was writing my main Stacksonstory, I fell so in love with the characters and the progress of the story! And then to be able to talk about them with so many people, it definitely kept the thoughts coming, even long after I finished it!

Exactly what happened to me with A tale written with fangs and claws! It is wonderful to have such great response and it’s a great source of motivation. I get so many ideas for this story just by reading comments or talking with people. That’s the beauty of fanfiction I think.

Most definitely! Would you then say any of your original characters are based on people you know personally?

Actually no. I was more inspired by fictional characters, took some things from them, and created my own individual character. If there are any resemblances I haven’t noticed them yet but hey, maybe I will someday^^

Maybe, who knows what might happen. Not us, certainly. Thinking forward, is there one thing you’re dying to add in the story but you have to write a few more chapter before it comes up?

Liam’s and Theo’s wedding! I am dying to write this since a few chapters and everyone who read the last chapter knows I’m toying around with this thing a bit but I really, really can’t wait to write their wedding. It will happen one day and I am excited about it but it will take some more (a lot more) chapters until we can get there.

Yessssss, we’ll be patiently waiting until then! Before we wind down, I’d love to give you a time to impart some wisdom onto us. Any life hacks or creative wisdom on your mind lately?

It is important to figure out what works best for you and never let anybody butt in, writing-wise and in life too. I had to learn this myself but there will be people telling you how you should do a certain thing and then you need to figure out if this is really the best for you. I’m not saying you should not take advice, you definitely should, but it is okay to change this advice, maybe combine it with the advice you got from someone else and create your own special way to get things done. There might be people who are very critical of how you work, how you handle things, and sometimes it can really get to you and be a bummer but it is important to remember that as long as it good for you, as long as it helps you get something done the way you want it to, it’s the right way for you. Your own opinion and your own wellbeing are more important than what some might think are the right thing for you. Your way is the right thing and great things will come from this, just stay true to yourself even when it’s hard sometimes

Also: Allow yourself to change. What was on your mind a year ago, what you wrote a year ago, doesn’t become less valid just because you changed your perspective. You are ever-changing and there will be moments where you realize that your old mindset doesn’t apply to the situation anymore, not to the person you became anymore. That’s okay. It doesn’t take anything away from the progress you made before, doesn’t take anything away from what you created back then. It simply shows your development as a writer, as a person, and that’s a fascinating progress.

Thank you so much for your honesty and depth. Aww, well, we reached the end of our time, Rena! Luckily, we’ve learned so much about you in our short time together. To end us out, what’s next for you? Any big plans?

I have several projects planned. In terms of fanfiction, I’m planning a sequel to A tale written with fangs and claws if I finish the story, I’m planning on continuing my Mated series, Finding My Way To You will be continued as well, and there are several other fanfictions on the line. I’m also planning on finally writing my first original novel, something I’m very excited about. Those are the things I have planned, who knows what else is gonna happen? Life is full of surprises.

Good luck with your novel! And all the other bundles of surprises and happiness that are whirling your way. Is there anything else you’d like to share? The mic’s in your hands.

It’s okay to struggle. I sometimes feel like the standards expect everyone to be perfect at anything they do and it can be really frustrating when you feel like you’re not reaching these standards. You feel like a failure and it’s a horrible thing to feel. I had so many moments where I felt like I would never reach the standard for that thing to be considered good or even great and it took me a long time to learn not to always compare myself to others and be proud of who I am, my talents, what I create. I still feel like I’m not good enough sometimes but every time I struggle, I learn new things about myself and that’s what made me realize it is okay to struggle. You learn next to nothing when you don’t struggle and ease everything perfectly on the first try.

Sure, it’s great to have a lift first time you do something, it’s even important to be a natural in some things, but I also know that struggling causes doubts and insecurities because you feel like anybody else doesn’t seem to struggle at all. What I’m trying to say is embrace your struggles as part of your development process on becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. And remember: Nobody has the same story to tell as you. The world needs to hear yours, don’t let the doubts take this away from you. It’s a long and difficult way to go but it’s worth it in the end.

Thanks so much Rena! It was a freaking blast getting to know you and your life, inspirations, and quirky interests haha!

Thankfully, the conversation doesn’t have to end here. To chat with her about her works, Thiam, Teen Wolf, even Wrestling, you can find Rena at these three places:

AO3: Former_Princess

Tumblr: formerprincess

Ask Box: formerprincessask

In her words, “It’s more than okay! I love getting asks, messages. I’d even love to get a carrier pigeon. I am a shy noodle myself but I absolutely love to interact with people and have them interact with me. Ask as many questions as you want, send in as many things as you want, you will never bother me and in fact make me very happy. Also - on a non fandom related note - myaskbox is always open for anybody who needs somebody to listen to them.”

She’s also currently accepting prompts, though it might take her a while to get to them–you know busy lives and what not. So, feel free to “send in things, share your thoughts, headcanons, and everything else,” with her. (Also, her words!)

Thanks so much for reading. We will see you next week as we get to know about fandomtrashwhore, aka Marie, our resident Thiam Social Media expert. Until then!

Have a Thiam Creator you fan over? Send us their names. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

#officialthiamlibrary #behind the screens #thiam #teen wolf #formerprincess #mod: minna

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abdifarah · 6 years

Text

Clumsy Courage

Most of us would not recognize real courage if it looked us in the face, or if it stood up a few rows ahead of us during a college graduation. Three young students stood in the stands of the Superdome just as Tulane University President Mike Fitts entered the conclusion of his remarks to the graduating class of 2018. In call and response fashion they chanted, Black lives matter, Justice for Kenan! Black lives matter, Justice for Jalen! and so on, looping through three or four names. I did not recognize the names. Not the canonical Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Eric Garner roll call. I immediately felt shamefully out of touch. I intimated they were referencing events of discrimination specific to Tulane this past year and not incidents of national note. They interrupted the charismatic, jovial leader of the school as he encouraged the graduating class of 2018 to be fearless as they used their hard earned (and richly financed) educations to confront the world’s ills. The parents in my section were understandably, yet disproportionally, vexed by the nuisance of the protesters muddying up their big day of celebration. Some grumbled under their breath, more signaled to the ushers or swiveled their necks frantically in hopes of alerting security. They squirmed uncontrollably in their seats as if fire ants had magically manifested in everyone’s Hanes and Jockeys. Middle-aged white folks are allergic to breaks in the norm. One particularly unpleasant man yelled, “Shut the fuck up!” at the youngsters with a violence usually reserved for confronting the murderer of a family member. These parents and loved ones of the graduates gave nodding amens along with President Fitts as he anointed their children the next Ghandi or Martin Luther King Jr. However, when real, inconvenient civil disobedience stood up, they did not hesitate to squash the unwelcome intruders like cockroaches. After all, these families did not send their children to college to actually save the world, just to be told that one day they would.

I am sitting in the stands during this event – my own graduation – because I am a jaded artist getting his MFA. I could not be bothered to rent the cap and gown and actually participate in the ceremony, but I figured I would at least go and watch. Perhaps naive, or just “unbearably woke,” as me and the other grisled grad students would joke, these undergrad Black Lives Matter protesters were nonetheless heroes. Historical accounts do not convey the terror, bravery and awkwardness of genuine protest. Those students who stood in my section and were straightway mowed down by the parents and Mr. Shut The Fuck Up were not confident, charismatic revolutionaries. Their knees buckled and their voices quivered as they delivered their rehearsed lines. They were uncertain of if and when they made their point and how long to procede, how to hold their hands, and whether to acquiesce to the vitriol of the shouts around them. Through the guilding of time the marches and sit-ins and boycotts of the civil rights era seem like a no-brainer. Of course I would’ve been there, you convince yourself. When we read history we naturally envision ourselves in the place of the protagonists. We read the Bible, and see ourselves, not as the stubborn and timid Israelites or self-righteous pharisees, but rather as God or Christ himself. In real time courage is a divine revelation and dispensation, and not the least bit common.

Similarly, the television screen does not capture the preciousness of genuine courage. When Colin Kaepernick started his protest of the national anthem back in 2016 I was unimpressed. That’s it? What does kneeling do about the real deaths of innocent black men and women? An egregious case of armchair quarterbacking on my part. The gesture seemed too subtle and ineffectual. This assessment changed this past fall when I attended a high school football game between Holy Cross and Archbishop Rummel. I regularly attend high school football games in New Orleans, snapping reference photos of the players and onlookers for an ongoing series of artwork. But for the most part I attend games featuring predominantly black schools. At games featuring black schools both teams will usually have a few players who kneel during the anthem in solidarity, or at least in mimicry of Kaep’. Black football is a safe-space for this political self-expression. This Holy Cross vs. Rummel game was my first foray into the other side of New Orleans high school football; the white, affluent, private, Christian school side. The packed crowd in the colosseum bowl of Tad Gormley Arena thunderously arose at the PA announcers introduction of the national anthem. Hands white on both sides crossed hearts and hats were expediently removed to reveal red and blond and sandy brown hair. Standing on the field with my camera and looking around at the intimidating crowd – thousands of white people piously reciting the lyrics to the national anthem – I got chills at the thought of drawing any attention to myself, let alone purposefully attempting to extinguish the rapturous flames of this collective exercise in patriotism and self aggrandizement. The simple act of positioning one’s black body, forcing White Americans to reckon with what their nationalism (when full grown, a dogmatic faith in white supremacy) has purposefully and indirectly wrought upon other black and brown bodies throughout history became for me a capacious gesture.

Like those trembling Tulane students, Kaepernick expected to be crushed. The roach that instead of scurrying at the flood of light, pauses defiantly in the middle of the kitchen floor, resigned to its explosive execution at the bottom of grandpa’s slipper. Colin Kaepernick knew before everyone that the 2016 NFL season would be his last. Fans of his and his fight held out hope that one of the self-proclaimed “progressive” or “player-centered” franchises like the Seattle Seahawks would pick up Kaepernick, but he had already counted the cost. And like those fresh-faced, white Tulane coeds absorbing aggressive jeers in order to voice the names of their beleaguered black classmates, Kaep’ did not need to do it. He could have contently collected millions for years to come until his body eventually gave out. Instead he condescended and thought it not robbery to be equals with those named and unnamed victims of police violence (as well as the unemployed, the ranks of which he foresaw joining). During that Catholic school football game action paused a handful of times for medical personnel to attend to an injured man on the field. At first sight of a fallen player everybody on the sidelines, on both teams, immediately drops to one knee and bows their head in prayer. Likewise onlookers in the stands bow and pray. Somberly the packed stadium prays that the injury is not catastrophic and that the player will bounce up miraculously and rejoin the huddle as if nothing occured. To these teams and fans the act of kneeling or bowing one's head in prayer joins them with the incapacitated athlete as if to say when you hurt, I hurt. Sadly, the hypocrisy of kneeling in prayer for an injured player while denouncing similar gestures in solidarity with those injured not by helmet to helmet hits or blind-sided tackles but rather by systemic racism sailed over the heads of those conservative crowds of Louisianans at both the graduation and the football game like a terribly overthrown pass.

#blacklivesmatter #kaepernick #colinkaepernick #tulane #NewOrleans

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anxiety-trademark · 3 years

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The week in review:

Raw 11/30 NXT 12/02 NXT UK 12/03 Smackdown 12/04 Takeover War Games 12/06 + Main Event 12/03

Raw:

...Yeah hi, what the fuck is with the doll trapped inside of the table? Is that a metaphor for Alexa??

I’m so happy for her being able to have segments with Orton. Good for her.

Alexa’s like a mere inch taller than me so she’s a nice gauge as to to how tall the men’s roster is in comparison, and Randy? Fucking tall.

So the writing was on the wall; Fiend cares about Alexa (whether the nature is abusive is irrelevant to this point) and Randy has figured out how to use Alexa as a pawn to manipulate Fiend. I was kind of hoping Fiend/Alexa were in control of the gameboard, but it seems I’ve been duped.

The only complaint I have about this is how... compliant and helpless Alexa was in this segment. She’s not only been possessed/traumatized into caring about Fiend, but furthermore she does care about him, so why wouldn’t she be fighting against Randy when she was in his arms? The writing of her character in this particular segment seemed shallow. I know she can play whatever emotion they want from her, so to not ask for any emotions at all is curious.

Also the only person who isn’t a heel here is Alexa, and I won’t really hear any argument on the manner. Fiend is a predator at best. Orton is a psychotic douchebag.

My head hurts. Imagine Becky being stuck in a tag team with Lana rather than throwing a huge fit about not being able to defend her title for fucking months.

“Sarah you wouldn’t understand, but Shayna and I are about to-- *starts smiling like a fucking idiot*” Wow I want to defend wwe’s incessant need for giving Lana a storyline but I’m so fucking tired of abysmal promos. God. I. Miss. Becky. WHY is the Raw women’s champion wrapped up in this??

“First of all... ew.” lolololol

Shayna’s hatred for Lana is fucking hilarious.

Why is it, whenever Nia and Shayna do their dual barricade ragdoll move, Nia always gets the lighter one?

Nia fucking pummeled Lana lmao.

I kind of wish this story had a live crowd, I’d like to see if all of this was actually buying Lana some goodwill from the audience.

Hilarious watching Lana sit on the bottom rope for a few seconds before climbing through onto the apron, before slinking down to a sitting position, before finally collapsing onto the floor barely peering into the ring. Tf is she doing rofl.

Now she jumped up onto the apron lacking any enthusiasm, tagged herself in, and is climbing onto the turnbuckle while seemingly sobbing. What in the fuck lmao.

God Asuka is working overtime here.

*Bonus* online exclusive: how fun, Lana and Asuka are singing and dancing together. This division is turning into a garbage fire rq.

Oh is Mandy still out with an injury in kf?

Love it when new debuts get no fucking entrance. Yikes.

Mia Yim had such a dope theme song and entrance, I can’t believe it’s been scrapped so that she can call herself “Reckoning” and hang out in some dead-end group. Shame.

Oh my god. Mia loses to Dana via rollup after taking virtually no offense. What a waste of everyone’s time. I see this going nowhere, absolutely nowhere.

*Bonus* online exclusive: lmfao the Nikki Cross interview was worth a mention. First off, Nikki looks gorgeous. Second, I feel like this is the beginning of her run of not appearing on Raw because she isn’t deemed developed enough outside of a tag team, which is sad. Third, rofl @ her giving Sarah sheep’s stomach chicken to eat, I have no words. Anyway, she should be a solid midcarder. Get it together wwe.

Highlight: Probably the Nikki Cross online exclusive

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NXT:

They got Shotzi something that glows. Wow.

Why is there a silhouette as if Io isn’t already added to the team? Why wouldn’t she be? Shayna was in last year’s, why wouldn’t Io be in this year’s? Is this supposed to be suspenseful?? lmao plz.

Indi did not take a bullet for you, she was just an idiot. Also why does this bitch still have a neck brace on? It was an Eclipse, let’s get real for a second.

Why you acting like your team is cohesive anyway? Doesn’t Dakota hate you? Didn’t Toni just turn heel for virtually no fucking reason, after defending/consoling Shotzi and attacking Candice like a sore loser? *sigh*

I know fans are really into WarGames but I find the alliances really fucking weak every year. It’s as bad as Survivor Series, just with more weapons and brutality.

So Xia Li lost some matches and now she’s being tortured... okay. I’m gonna keep my comments on this to a minimum cuz I can tell this will be some long-term story.

Oh I really like how their respective team members are standing up in the back on balconies. I really fucking like the layout of this arena. Huge fan.

Why Shotzi vs Raquel though? Why is the team captain fighting? That’s not typical for these, is it?

Ugh failure to throw Shotzi through the ropes. There’s just... a skill gap in the division, you know? And Shotzi and Raquel are on the lower end of that gap. I don’t care if people love Shotzi, she’s MILES away from being a champion. What saves her is her risk-taking, but it’s just a matter of time before that bites her in the ass.

Shotzi’s offense is doing a minimal amount of potential damage to her opponent while taking herself out in the most convoluted way possible. She’s Sasha Banks on steroids.

You call it innovative, I call it foolish.

Raquel just standing there waiting with stairs in her hands. Beast.

Shotzi can’t have a kf leg injury, that negates 95% of her offense!

Limpy vs Gimpy

Setting up that ladder in the corner was clunky as shit.

A pure ladder stip is hard to have in a women’s singles match, but this match is a big pile of meh.

Honestly I’m not about to complain about all of these women getting involved because this is borderline boring.

AYYYEEE it’s Io! Io saved this match tbh. Love her, THAT’S my champion.

Give Shotzi’s team the advantage, I doubt they win anyway.

To be honest; you have former nxt champion Ember Moon, inaugural UK champion and former nxt champion who fought against Charlotte fucking Flair at WrestleMania Rhea Ripley, and current champion that beat Charlotte fucking Flair for the title Io Shirai. The idea of that team losing is laughable at best in kf. But they will, cuz fuck babyfaces.

*Bonus* online exclusive: What surprises could you possibly have in store aside from some random weapons? Also fuck your howl. Edit: she was talking about her stupid new tank, wasn’t she...

Highlight: Io showing up at the end of the ladder match

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NXT UK:

Who’s this green-shirt bro and why did he run over there to break up the brawl as if there aren’t 2 dozen officials already? Men needlessly getting involved in women’s fights irritates the shit out of me.

He also got in the way of the shot for the majority of this clip. I hate him.

I hope Jinny wins this future match.

This Aleah girl is like a cross between Kacy and Alexa, and honestly I hate it. Which is odd cuz I love them. She pisses me off though. Not sure what to make of it.

So supposedly Valkyrie is undefeated? That’s good. Let’s keep that going.

Valkyrie has nice counters and is super athletic. I say this every time I watch one of her matches but she deserves more praise.

I hate that women on UK get so little time. Send Valkyrie and KLR to nxt and send Dakota and Rhea to the MR, thanks.

I’d pay to see Valkyrie vs KLR too!

Still not a fan of Valkyrie’s finisher. Love her gear though, it looks different.

Highlight: Always a pleasure watching Valkyrie

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Smackdown:

Lmfao Bayley “fails” to break the count before rolling back outside, so she rolls back in and fucking stomps her feet while yelling at the ref. She’s good. She’s good at the basics, good at paying attention to her surroundings, and good at improvising.

Bayley and Nattie are smooth together. They’ve never had a match, right? Other than this?

Love how Bianca has all of Bayley’s attention.

Bayley just used Nattie’s discus clothesline against her lmao. What a troll.

I remember when Bayley tapped, her entire fanbase was crying claiming she was buried. Watching it myself, she is so obviously entering into a program with Bianca. Christ 90% of her attention was on Bianca throughout the match.

*Bonus* online exclusive: Bianca just told Bayley her hair ain’t even and she looks dusty, good fucking bye.

mmmm not sure if Sasha has the admiration of the wwe universe. Look she’s a remarkable talent in the ring, but she is insanely annoying outside of it. She’s changed nothing from the time she was heel, other than no longer cheating to win. She obnoxiously cackles, she’s egotistical, she gets along with legit nobody. I’m not convinced the crowd would even cheer her, even if she’s one of the best bell to bell. Her fans can call her the number 1 babyface, but that’s a stretch if I’ve ever heard one.

“I won the first 2 women’s mitb” aaggghhhhh I hate that Carmella still claims that. Debatable. De-ba-ta-ble.

Lol “I can’t help if men are obsessed with me,” alright sure. That’s good tbh. Carmella is a notorious cheat but regardless, that’s good.

Well the reason y’all never faced one on one is because Carmella’s a Smackdown veteran and you just got here, but I digress.

So where’s the army that still runs around crying that Becky buried her when she called her the greatest woman to never be great (facts)? Where’s the outrage for Sasha demeaning Carmella and claiming she’s not in her league? Sasha fans are wild.

“With half the work I’m better than you. I held onto that Smackdown woman’s title longer than all of your title reigns combined.” omg she’s dead. Shots fired, target hit. Someone call Sasha a hearse.

Instead of sitting there making ugly faces, Sasha really should’ve gotten up and left. Lick her wounds or something kekek.

Highlight: I’m into this Bayley/Bianca thing they’re building

---

Takeover WarGames:

I just think it’s so cool that wwe shelled out the money for a Black Sabbath song. Of course they can afford it, but for a Takeover? Points.

Nobody wants to come take out Candice rq? No? Nobody at all???

Oh hell yeah Dakota gets to start? Good for her, since she skipped out on it last year.

I don’t fucking get Ember Moon’s persona, but I like her lit gear tonight.

“Aiming it square at Team LeRae” sometimes I wonder if Vic is simply blind.

The concept of this match is fun, but it always feels a little hollow until the match actually starts.

So cool that they got Wade Barrett on commentary in nxt.

Sloppy headscissors by Ember, but Dakota sold well per usual. Not sure why they’d have Ember run the marathon.

I’d pay so much money to see the 4hw in a WarGames match.

Oh that’s cool, Raquel put her hand up to protect Ember’s face from Dakota’s kick. We appreciate a performer that protects her coworkers.

That sunset flip powerbomb by Shotzi onto Raquel off the ropes was neat.

Toni up in here just removing all the turnbuckles. I wonder if running into exposed turnbuckles actually hurts that much.

Toni barely taps Ember with a kendo stick and she acting like she’s dying.

Man that 6 woman thing was so choreographed. Even did a countdown.

Io ma’am we don’t-- we don’t need ladders... okay. Okay.

Io scaling the cage and Raquel knocking her off like in Super Mario Brothers.

I feel like WarGames is convoluted enough, but sure, let’s get into the winter of overbooked women’s matches. New season, same bullshit.

AHAHAHAHAH IO’S FUCKING SMILE. She is standing on top of the cage putting a garbage can over her head, and has the audacity to wear a shit eating grin. I cannot, this girl is crazy and I love her.

Stupid spot? Maybe. Is Io batshit insane for jumping like 10 feet down completely blind? Absolutely. Points.

CLEAN ddt by Io onto Raquel. Spiked.

Candice is dumb. Got a trash can lid standing opposite Shotzi who’s wielding a chair. Candice throws the lid, says ‘hold on’, then climbs through the ropes to grab a kendo stick while crying ‘help’. Grabs her kendo stick, goes to bat against Shotzi, gets her hand smashed lmao. Idiot.

Oh that was perfectly timed. Dakota busts Shotzi with a chair strike and barely even begins to turn around before Io missile dropkicks the chair into her from out of nowhere.

Dakota stuck a trash can over Io and then did a double stomp that impacted the trash can so badly she couldn’t slide it off lol. eesh.

Is Ember gonna attempt to Eclipse someone onto a set of upright chairs... Omg no. You’re gonna take the brunt of this, jfc don’t.

Oh good god what a fucking beautifully bad idea. I hope you’re okay bro. Man Dakota FLIPPED over. Nasty, nasty move.

That Storm Zero through a trash can was ace. Honestly I see a lot more potential for Toni here in nxt than over on UK.

This is a really good match.

It’s not that I hate the coffin drop off the ladder onto Candice, but Candice really ruined it by preemptively grabbing a chair and holding it on top of herself. Kind of spelled out exactly how that was gonna go.

Io and Rhea make an amazing team.

Rhea and being thrown into the cage on the outside of the ropes, name a more iconic duo. I’ve heard that’s the worst part about cage matches cuz your skin legit gets dragged against the links as you slide down.

Holy shit Io just got powerbombed through a ladder. OOF.

That’s the ending?? Raquel pinned Io for the ending??? Holllllyyyy shit.

Interestingly enough, I’d have to say the 2 team captains did the least amount of notable work.

What took out Shotzi: On screen the last bump she took was her coffin drop onto Candice, which kept her from saving Io. Mess.

Some great spots for sure. Recency bias might be a thing, but I feel like I enjoyed this one more than last year’s.

Highlight: That Eclipse onto the chairs to Dakota was WICKED

---

*BONUS*

Main Event:

Main event giving people promo time? Is this typical??

Okay look. You acknowledged Alexa is brainwashed. You acknowledged that she chose him (even though she’s brainwashed so you really shouldn’t be upset). Now you’re claiming SHE came out and slapped you, as if you haven’t been relentlessly bothering her about her boyfriend that she chose because she’s brainwashed, and as if you weren’t the one who came out and confronted her. Is this not super problematic to anyone else??? Nikki this doesn’t make you a victim or even a decent person/friend lmao.

It’s a good promo though. Good delivery, very buyable.

WHY DO I GOTTA HEAR THE CAW MUSIC???

I know Lacey’s being a bitch, but it’s an awful hair style, Sarah. I’m sorry.

Lmao Lacey is so god damn funny when she has someone to play off of. I can see the appeal in her and Peyton, I can see it. I can see it. The pairing should absolutely not last long because Lord they’re abysmal in the ring together, but outside? Swell, just swell.

Lacey will always have a job solely for her character work if nothing else.

Haha Lacey running from Nikki. She’s a treat.

Really thought that spinning heel kick was gonna be the end of it.

This match is definitely Main Event(tm) worthy, but I’m glad it has some semblance of a story going into it.

Peyton’s jump kick looks dumb.

Probably for the best that Nikki loses this, even if Peyton is awful.

---

*WarGames was definitely the highlight in an otherwise really lame week of wrestling. I don’t even have a runner-up, I’m just thankful for WarGames.

#wwe #issa review #feel free to ignore these #cuz who tf cares lesbihonest #today's props goes to:#dakota kai

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cosmicpopcorn · 6 years

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Deadpool 2 (2018)

So, your favorite crazy ass pansexual assassin/mercenary...antihero...whatever the fuck he is (let’s just go with fucking awesome)...has returned in Deadpool 2 ready to kick ass, take names, and make us laugh with the crudest of jokes. Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead return with him, while the X-Force, Cable, and Firefist are introduced.

Before he made it to the big screen, Deadpool had a humble beginning when he first appeared in the comic book series, The New Mutants #98, cover-dated February 1991. Your girl Domino also makes her first appearance in this issue as well. The New Mutants series is a spin-off series from the X-Men franchise - it centers around a group of teenaged mutant superheroes-in-training. In issue #98, Deadpool has been hired to kill The New Mutants and Cable...such a wonderful way to meet your favorite neighborhood assassin/mercenary, right? He then began appearing as a regular character in the X-Force series and went on to make guest appearances in several Marvel comics such as The Avengers, Daredevil, and Heroes for Hire. After getting a couple of his own miniseries (The Circle Chase and Deadpool), he eventually got his own ongoing title/full series in 1997. Now this fool got two movies...he’s finally got a piece of the pie!

In the 2004 comic book series Cable & Deadpool, Deadpool describes his appearance as “Ryan Reynolds crossed with a Shar-Pei.” And since 2016 (if you don’t count Ryan Reynold’s appearance as Wade Wilson in X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Ryan Reynolds has taken on the task of being our beloved Deadpool and he’s pretty damn good at it. It was clearly meant to be. In Deadpool 2, starring alongside Ryan Reynolds, we have Josh Brolin as Cable (yes, that’s the same dude who did a fucking fantastic job as Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War), Morena Baccarin as Vanessa, Julian Dennison as Firefist, Zazie Beetz as Domino (guess who I’mma be for Halloween?), T.J. Miller as Weasel, Leslie Uggams as Blind Al, Brianna Hildebrand as Negasonic Teenage Warhead, and Stefan Kapicic as the voice of Colossus, Deadpool’s wonderful friend who puts up with all his bullshit and possible love interest/sex buddy? (I’m just saying - even Vanessa told him not to fuck Colossus when she spoke to him in the afterlife, so clearly something may be happening there).

Before we get into the pros and cons for Deadpool 2, let me just say this: I’ve seen a lot of Marvel movies lately and I gotta be honest, they have set the bar high for not only superhero movies but movies in general. At this point, even the most “average” Marvel movie is gonna have great acting, writing, and special effects. This makes it hard for a nigga like me who is trying to find something to critique when writing these reviews because who the fuck just wants to read about me fangirling over a movie (e.g. my Avengers: Infinity War post). I don’t even enjoy writing fangirl posts, which is why the one for Avengers was as short as it was. So unless Marvel starts randomly fucking up their movies for no damn reason - which I doubt is ever gonna happen - I’m not gonna have half as much to critique as usually do.

Anyway, let’s get into the pros and cons:

Pros:

From what I know about comic book Deadpool (antihero characteristics, humorous - especially crude humor, breaks the 4th wall, pansexual), the movie Deadpool appears to be a pretty accurate representation of him. They didn’t try to make him kid/family-friendly, I definitely see them playing on and/or hinting towards his pansexuality (if anything I swear he flirts with men more than women - the only woman I really see him flirt with is Vanessa), and movie Deadpool is crude as fuck. They even have movie Deadpool continue to break the 4th wall (in case you didn’t know, breaking the 4th wall is when a character is aware that they are a fictional character and may actually interact with the audience) and you can check out this Deadpool 2 trailer for an example of him breaking the 4th wall - he actually interrupts the trailer to discuss the special effects. You’re never too sure if a sequel is going to actually be just as good as the original...or good at all. Another concern is whether or not the sequel continues to build on the character while remaining true to the character’s essence/core personality and this is especially concerning when a movie is an adaptation of a comic/book. Deadpool 2, if anything, continues to emphasize Deadpool’s core personality while building upon it at the same time.

Going off of the first pro, Deadpool 2 emphasizes his core personality traits (humorous, individualistic, sexual) while attempting to give him more emotional depth. The first half of the movie has us watch Deadpool experience grief after the death of Vanessa. Even before her death, watching him interact with her and plan a family allows us to see the side of him that desires stability, commitment, and family. This first half is important because it shows us that while Deadpool is securely individualistic and doesn’t necessarily need a team like the X-Men or The Avengers, he does still desire family and companionship. It lets us know that even the Merc with a Mouth isn’t beyond the basic human desire to connect with others. In the second half, while more fast-paced and action-packed, we still get to see more of Deadpool’s sense of morality and belief in the goodness, or potential goodness of others when he fights to save young Firefist from Cable. In fact, I would say that Deadpool has an even stronger sense of morality than Colossus - Colossus was willing to leave Firefist in the hands of the headmaster even though it was pretty obvious he was being abused because he refused to play “judge, jury and executioner,” while Deadpool was so sure of how wrong it was that he started killing the orderlies immediately. We also get to see him try to form his own family with the creation of the short-lived first version of the X-Force.

Ryan Reynolds was made to play Deadpool. Makes me forgive him for Green Lantern and almost makes me forget it even happened! By the way, that post-credits scene of Deadpool shooting Ryan Reynolds in the head while he holds a copy of the Green Lantern script is PURE GOLD.

Zazie Beetz does an awesome job as Domino - she makes a big impact on the audience even though she may not have as many lines or scenes as some of the other characters. The directors and writers also did a really good job of showing the audience Domino’s power of luck - a power that seems so abstract and would be believed to be difficult to display well in movie format.

Cable is a character that I feel you can empathize with and who I actually kind of liked by the end. I really enjoyed how at first he was portrayed as the villain, only for things to be switched up and for us to find out the real villain was the chubby kid from New Zealand (aka Firefist).

While being hilarious and action-packed, Deadpool 2 does take the opportunity to give you something to think about if you pay attention. First, they have Firefist point out how there are no chubby superheroes. It’s no secret that our society often discriminates, shames, and is prejudice against those who are larger. In media, they are often portrayed as the butt of jokes, being romantically and sexually undesirable, lazy, unhealthy, not athletic, etc. So, is it really a surprise that there are no chubby or plus-size superheroes? I love that Firefist is not skinny or unrealistically built and that he points out how there aren’t any superheroes who look like him (Fun Fact: In the comics, Firefist is a white, skinny, blonde kid from Tulsa, OK, so I’m digging the changes they made - both to Firefist and Domino, whose comic book version was a woman with chalk-white skin).

Second, Deadpool himself points out how the name X-Men forgets that there are female mutants in the group...this is why he chooses X-Force, a gender-neutral name for his group of superhero misfits. The language we use in a patriarchal society is often masculine - for example, we tend to say mankind instead of humankind or things like, “come on guys” to refer to an entire group of people who may not all identify as male and it’s because men are seen as the default. Deadpool’s jokes and commentary in this movie sometimes calls out societal biases that have also made their way into our comics and superhero movies and I’m here for it. Not only that, but Deadpool does not look like your typical hero - his skin is scarred and disfigured, despite him being fit and we still see him being a sexual and romantic being and I think that’s powerful when you have nothing but a bunch of super fit and conventionally attractive superheroes running around.

The soundtrack for the movie is perfect and they perfectly match the songs and scenes.

All the references are so fun to pick up on - if you’re really into comic books, superhero movies, and honestly just a TV and movie junkie in general, you will love picking up on all the references they throw at you.

Cons:

So, while those references are great for TV, movie, comic book, and superhero junkies, they’re not-so-great for those who just watch movies here and there and aren’t necessarily fanatics. I’ll go as far as to say if a person isn’t really into comics, superheroes, and doesn’t really know a lot of television and movie shit...a lot of stuff is going to be lost on them. Some movies are made for everyone and some movies are made for fans or at least those with a strong interest - Deadpool 2 is one of those movies and unfortunately that may alienate other viewers/audiences.

Deadpool’s humor can be hit or miss - at times, the jokes didn’t really hit and weren’t really funny. The first half of the movie’s humor wasn’t as good as the second half of the movie. At times, I found myself laughing just because I knew I was supposed to and the humor and crudeness felt forced.

Overall, Deadpool 2 is a fun, fun movie that poses some important questions about morality and makes commentary on aspects of society. Ryan Reynolds not only starred in but was also one of the writers and producers of this movie, and his talent shines throughout the entire 1hr and 59min of it. I’m proud of him, and I’m sure Deadpool is too.

Rating: 4.5 Caramel Popcorn Pieces

#moviereviews #deadpool 2 #marvel cinematic universe #ryan reynolds #zazie beetz #josh brolin #cable #marvel movies #superhero movies #domino #colossus #negasonic teenage warhead #yukio #x force

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recentanimenews · 6 years

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10 Laid-Back Stories to Stay Cozy After Camp

Today marks the final day of our laid-back camping trip with OutClub and it’s time to come home. We may be returning from the great outdoors but there’s no reason we can’t keep things cozy. Although Laid-Back Camp has come to an end, there are plenty of sweet and silly stories to keep us all feeling warm. Below are some of the best slice of life anime has to offer, featuring equally endearing casts and maybe even a little bit of education about the shared hobby that brings them together.

Tanaka-kun is Always Listless

The title says it all. Tanaka is a high school student stricken by an eternal feeling of listlessness that affects his everyday life in unique ways. His best friend and near opposite, the tall and athletic Ohta typically has to carry Tanaka between classes but finds ways to admire even the daily lassitude of his unusual classmate. Introduce the adorable and energetic, Miyano, the wannabe delinquent with an addition to cute things, Echizen, and the school idol with a secret alter ego, Shiraishi, and you have a wonderful cast of characters discovering eccentric ways to confront the bland tribulations of high school life. Tanaka-kun is Always Listless is one of the most comfortable, wholesome, and genuinely funny anime ever made and is guaranteed to replicate that feeling of sitting back and following along that Laid-Back Camp has offered us for the past 12 weeks.

Flying Witch

Slice of life meets fantasy in Flying Witch. High schooler and witch-in-training Makoto moves to the sleepy rural city of Hirosaki to live with her extended family, the Kuramoto family, while continuing her studies. It’s a small town so they don’t have many witches out there, leading to a few surprises as her social circle discovers her ability to make potions and fly on a broom. She’s just one of many quirky characters inhabiting the town, however. Flying Witch follows their lazy everyday lives as the youngest of the Kuramoto family, Chinatsu, becomes enthralled with the glimpses of the magical world Makoto affords them. The series is populated by a charming, well-meaning cast that are always looking out for, or poking fun at, one another. Each episode offers new discoveries, whether mundane wonders of their family’s agricultural traditions or magical revelations that lay just out of site in the city of Hirosaki.

Amanchu!

Futaba is lonely. A new arrival in the small coastal city of Shizuoka, coming from a larger city and leaving behind her entire life, she now has only her phone for company. Uncertain of her ability to make new friends, she nervously enters her first day of school and becomes subject of attention by the most eccentric girl in school, Hikari. Before Futaba knows it, Hikari has pulled her into the scuba diving club room and has her trying on wetsuits to join her in diving. Through her unexpected friendship, Futaba discovers a love of the sea and scuba diving. Joining the club, we follow her education in the finer details of scuba while being introduced alongside her to its advisor and fellow members. A beautiful series about finding new friends, learning new skills, and discovering a brand new world under the waves.

This Art Club Has a Problem!

The tale of Tsukimori Middle School's dysfunctional art club. Mizuki Usami is dedicated to improving her skills at illustration and painting but must fight an uphill battle against their lazy president, known only as “President” and her art partner Subaru, who is practicing art in the pursuit of creating the perfect 2D waifu. Unfortunately, Mizuki’s curse is tremendously powerful and she discovers she has unwittingly developed a crush on the eccentric Subaru despite all his perversions, eccentricities, and disregard for women who exist in three dimensions. A relationship you actively root against somehow transforms into a genuinely heartwarming series as the kids grow up little-by-little through their club hijinks and tumultuous emotions. Despite being the victim of such a tremendous curse, you begin to believe Mizuki will come out alright in the end.

Minami Kamakura High School Girls Cycling Club

Hiromi is a girl so air-headed she represents the exception that makes the rule about getting back on a bike. Having just moved from Nagasaki, Hiromi is looking forward to her first day at the Minami Kamakura Girls High School, but experiences difficulties reaching it by bike. After having to relearn how to pilot a bicycle with the help of a friendly local and classmate, Tomoe. Through cycling, Hiromi continues to make new friends and ends up joining the schools cycling club. From there, the series takes us on an extended tour of Kamakura through the girls’ biking adventures. Like Laid-Back Camp, each episode concludes with a real-life segment in which two of the show's voice actresses learn more about bicycling and the Kamakura region first-hand. A cheerful series about friendship through a shared hobby.

Non Non Biyori

Another slice of life taking place in a rural Japan, this time with an emphasis on rural. The cast of Non Non Biyori live in the tiny countryside village of Asahigaoka, far away from modern amenities the rest of us take for granted. Hotaru, having just transferred from Tokyo, struggles to adapt to the rural lifestyle with the aid of her classmates, all four of them, each different ages and grade levels, who together form the entire student body of their school. Even as she struggles with the concept of a town with only two stores, the locals find her confusion and city customs just as nonsensical as she perceives theirs to be. It’s a sweet series with frequent gags about a girl confronting culture shock within her own country and, eventually, learning to love a new land and lifestyle.

Aria The ANIMATION

Unique among the items of this list as a science fiction series. Aria takes place in the far future on the planet Aqua (formerly Mars) in the city of Neo-Venezia, a futuristic take on modern Venice. The setting is utopic, presenting a future free of conflict with advanced technology existing alongside anachronism like a recreation of the ancient city of canals. Akari, originally from Japan, works for the Aria Company in Neo-Venezia as an undine, an all-female profession of gondoliers that ferry people through the city’s canals and act as tour guides. The series meanders like a gentle current, following Akari’s life and her work as an undine. In addition to discovering more about her respected profession, Akari encounters a number of characters through her work who have their own stories to tell. Through Akari we learn about life in the alien city through the melancholic tales of its residents.

Silver Spoon

Created by Hiromu Arakawa, the mangaka behind Fullmetal Alchemist, Silver Spoon is set in the Ooezo Agricultural High School in Hokkaido. Yuugo enrolls in the school, believing it will have an easy workload and to escape his stressful home life. He quickly learns he’s underestimated both the school and its students as he learns firsthand the scientific knowledge and physical labor that drive modern-day agriculture and animal husbandry. As he gets to know his peers, he also discovers that each of them are driven and passionate about their area of study, a far cry from the content inheritors of their family trade he had believed them to be. Over the course of his term, Yuugo learns valuable lessons about compassion and prejudice alongside his rigorous curriculum, which allow him to begin to sort out his own troubled relationship with his family.

Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid

One of the most wonderful slice of life series of last year, a reverse-isekai found-family series about a woman, her maid who is actually a dragon, and their daughter is also actually a dragon. Miss Kobayashi awakens after a night of drinking to discover Tohru on her doorstep. During her drunken wandering, she had saved Tohru’s life and, after bonding over drinks, invited Tohru to stay at her house as a maid. Both uncomfortable and unfamiliar with love, Kobayashi struggles with Tohru’s awkward romantic overtures as the dragon tries to understand and assimilate herself into human society. Add in a few more dragons and the series becomes a wonderful story of love, family, and finding ways to reach out to others, through awkwardness and misunderstanding, and form real connections.

Arakawa Under the Bridge

An unlikely slice of life set in a homeless encampment under a bridge in the Japanese city of Arakawa. Ko was taught by his father to never allow himself to be indebted to anyone but falls into the river and is saved by a girl in a tracksuit who calls herself Nino. To rid himself of his debt, he asks how he can repay her and, wanting for nothing, she asks that he experience love with her. Through Nino, Ko is introduced to the malcontents, eccentrics, and outcasts that reside in the surprisingly sophisticated community alongside the river. The series leans heavily into comedy and magical realism to present a diverse, almost circus-like community, but it’s not all gags. There are melancholic chords hidden among light-hearted humor about life as a social outcast and a thread of romance as Ko, despite himself, finds he is beginning to grant Nino’s request.

Hopefully, these series prove to be a peaceful way to pass the time and warm your heart just as well as a toasty campfire and, perhaps, you find one of them just as enjoyable as experiencing the great outdoors with OutClub. We're sad to see Laid-Back Camp go, but there are always new adventures on the horizon. Did I miss any particularly cozy series in this list? Find any of these recommendations recapture that same wonderful feeling? Let us know in the comments below!

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Peter Fobian is an Associate Features Editor for Crunchyroll, author of Monthly Mangaka Spotlight, writer for Anime Academy, and contributor at Anime Feminist. You can follow him on Twitter @PeterFobian.

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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agarip14 · 5 years

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Nov 6, Girls To Know

Aija Mayrock

I have never heard of Aija before, but it was a pleasure getting to know how she has made a difference and the success she’s achieved as an anti-bullying activist. I’m really inspired by her work because anti-bullying is very close to my heart. I have my own personal experiences with bullying and I was always taught to stand up for the underdog. Aija has changed the world by spreading her message of anti-bullying to young people (and others) across the world. Her book, “The Survival Guide to Bullying” was an international bestseller. If I had the chance to ask her a question, I would ask her what she thinks the biggest challenge is to standing up to a bully. She’s a Girl Innovator because she took the chance to tell her own story and struggles with bullying and used her experience to uplift others. It takes courage to tell one’s own story of struggle, and she did it fearlessly. Aija really inspires me to start some sort of non-profit or talk series of my own to discuss strategies on how to stand up to bullies and how to deal with bullying if you are a victim. I would want to travel to elementary schools because it is important to start young. A quote that really stood out to me is one from her poem, “A Letter On Letting Go”. It reads, “It’s the breakthrough of realizing that your past is merely a warm-up for your future”. I was really inspired by this entire poem because it hit home for me. I was the victim of an abusive relationship and this whole poem was about letting go of the past and being strong enough to leave it there. All of her work was truly inspiring to get to know.

Yusra Mardini

Learning of Yusra’s extremely brave and heroic story was so interesting to learn about. I was really enthralled as I was reading the article because the story was so intense. I could feel how afraid she was even from the start of her journey. I was shocked when I read that people warn you that you will die on the journey even before you get on the boat. I can’t imagine doing something after being warned of death. Yusra has changed the world because she has inspired people to face fear head on and she actually saved lives after the boat tipped. Her heroic act spared people their actual lives.. what is more inspiring than that? She got a spot on the Olympic refugee team which is so extraordinary. Honestly, when I was reading the article, all I was wondering if she was traumatized from the boat event, and how she felt about swimming after. She had to fight exhaustion and fear after she swam for her life, I couldn’t help but to wonder how that affected her mind. Learning that she earned a spot on the team really made me awestruck, and I commend her deeply for sticking with her passion. If I could ask her a question, I would ask her how the accident affected her after the fact. I’m so curious how she has dealt with that trauma and if it manifested later after she lived. The mere fact that she survived shocks me, but the fact that she saved others is so amazing. I want to know how she felt after the whole ordeal. She’s a Girl Innovator because she is a hero. She saved lives and fought fear to get where she is today. She inspires others with her story and has risen to become an Olympic athlete, which is extremely impressive. Yusra inspires me to start a blog or a video docu series on different people’s stories on how they fought fear. I can think of a few instances in my life where I have fought some horrific fear, and honestly, I don’t think there’s anything scarier than fighting a true instance of fear. I would want to hear people’s stories of overcoming the emotion because I believe it would inspire others tremendously. If we ask people to think of a moment where they fought a true instance of fear, and recognize how they overcome it, I’m sure they would feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment. A quote that stood out to me from the article read, “When I was in the water there was fear. You don’t know whether you are going to live or die...” This quote just puts me in her shoes, and makes me not take anything for granted. It was truly a pleasure to learn of Yusra’s story, and I am grateful for what she has done to inspire others.

Amika George

I think Amika George is doing some really important work. Shame around periods is something I believe isn’t talked about enough. I know there are people out there who care and who are creating the discussions, but I think we have more work to do. Amika’s mission is on exactly the right path to doing this. She changed the world by starting an initiative for a petition to be signed by a mere 10 signatures. To her pleasant surprise, it gained upwards of 200,000. This is a huge accomplishment because it shows people actually care. Not only that, but also Amika learned that she wasn’t alone in fighting for the cause for people who menstruate to get free access to products. If I had the chance to ask her a question, I would ask her what her strategy is for erasing period shame. I wonder the questions she would ask people or statements she would make to normalize menstruation. It’s so important that the taboo is erased and I would want to know how she would do that besides giving free access to products. Of course access to products is important, but is it enough to erase period shame? Amika is a Girl Innovator because she is fighting for an important cause and is actually gaining traction on it. People are listening to her and are supporting her cause. One of the keys to being an innovator is enforcing actual change, and she’s doing it. She’s making her voice and message heard. She inspires me to make a documentary of a series of interviews asking people who don’t menstruate, and from all walks of life, their feelings on menstruation. I think this is where we must start if we want to erase period shame. First, we need to do our research and learn where the problem lies, and know what the attitudes towards periods are in order to erase them. A phrase that stood out to me from the article was “non-menstruators can.” This is so important because it is not enforcing a gender binary and saying something like, “women menstruate and men don’t”. Because the truth of the matter is, people menstruate. People who identify as male do, people who identify as women do, and gender non-conforming people do. Sometimes women don’t, sometimes men don’t, and sometimes GNC people don’t. I really appreciated the author’s effort to be conscious about this. I think Amika is doing really important work in the U.K and I look forward to this cause gaining more traction. It really inspires me to spread her word.

youtube

Aija Mayrock- A Letter on Letting Go

Yusra Mardini

Amika George

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fromhollywoodtobollywood · 7 years

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Alright, people my first Bollywood movie is...

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998) dir. Karan Johar

This movie is...a lot of things. It is three hours long so lots of shit goes down. I struggle trying to fit this in to a typical 3-Act Hollywood screenplay structure because it feels like two movies in one. If it were released in the US, the second half would be released a year later as a sequel to the first. But I digress...Let’s begin.

The story opens with Rahul (Shah Rukh Khan) and his wife, Tina (Rani Mukerji). They are in love! They are married! They are having a baby! It’s a girl! But tragedy strikes. Shortly after Tina gives birth, a doctor informs Rahul that she is suffering from severe internal bleeding. Internal bleeding that she somehow knew was going to happen? I’m pretty sure that’s not how internal bleeding works. Anyway, even though this woman is “profusely bleeding” (doctor’s words) on the inside, she still has the composure and stamina to say proper goodbyes to her husband and write a series of letters to her baby daughter (to be given to her each year on her birthday). I realize if I don’t suspend my disbelief, I may not get though the first 20 minutes of this movie. But seriously, they can’t find a medical consultant in India? I’m Indian, and I can name five MDs in my family. Back to the story: Tina makes her husband promise two things: One, that he will never cry because he looks ugly when he does. That’s going to be fantastic for his toxic sense of masculinity. And two: That they name their baby daughter Anjali. It’s a perfectly normal promise and a cute name. Anyway, she dies, he ugly-cries and we are transported to...

MUMBAI, 8 Years Later (I’m assuming this is 1998 based on the year the film was released)

Anjali (Sana Saeed) is now a super-cute kid on the eve of her 8th birthday. While it’s never established what Rahul does for a living, he’s pretty loaded by any standard. 8-year-old Anjali has a camcorder in her room and her own TV with MTV India. In her spare time, she pretends to be an MTV VJ like Neelam. Anjali speaks a charming mixture of Hindi and English that she clearly learned from MTV. She says things like “I’ll be back next week: Same time, same place.” Anjali loves chocolates and wants to be a VJ when she grows up. The character of Anjali is approximately my age so by the time she’s old enough, MTV won’t have VJs, it’ll just be Teen Moms. BUT ANYWAY, she leaves the house to meet her dad on a bridge and this is where things get a little...freudian. Her father is two hours late to meet her (so this little kid has been standing alone in the middle of Mumbai for two hours). When he sees her, he tries to win back her good graces with flowers, chocolates, and a teddy bear like a fuckboy who forgot it was Valentine’s Day and ran to CVS. In this moment, his daughter says she is “tired” of having to be his daughter and his wife (because she picks out his clothes). He responds with “Well, if I have to be your mom AND dad, then you can...” He doesn’t finish the thought because it’s creepy as fuck. But they quickly apologize, do a cute handshake thing, and head home. At home they run in to Grandma (Farida Jalal) who is leading a Hindu Bahjan group of older ladies. She is very pious and has the same shruti machine as my grandmother. Anjali runs in and greets her Grandmother with a TOTALLY APPROPRIATE “Hi, sexy!” greeting. If I had done this to my grandmother (during bhajans, no less) she would have smacked me. Seriously, why is this kid allowed to have MTV in her room?

We then see a speech competition at Anjali’s school where kids are given a random word and have to speak extemporaneously on that subject for one minute. It’s weird but at this point, not the strangest thing that’s happened in this movie. Anjali is pitted against a girl named Jasminder (like ‘Bend it Like Beckham”!) and of COURSE the word Anjali gets is “Mother.” She begins to cry on stage when her dad steps on stage and basically does her speech for her because she is sad. The audience thinks this is adorable and he gets a standing ovation. We return to Rahul’s mansion where he plays basketball inside near one of those Beyoncé hair fans. This house is off the chain. His mother implores him to get re-married for the sake of his happiness and Anjali’s. Rahul insists that love and marriage are something that only happen once in a lifetime. He also says Anjali is alright because she has the letters from her mother. Sure. Because a birthday letter totally makes up for not having a mom.

The next morning, Anjali awakes on her birthday in her truly spectacular bedroom (seriously, what does Rahul do for a living?) and runs down stairs to a stack of presents that would make Dudley Dursley jealous. She pushes all the presents aside to find the letter from her mother. In a voice over, her mother says that this year’s letter will be different from the past. This year, her mother is going to tell her a story about Rahul, Tina, and someone named Anjali. Hashtag, intrigue.

FLASHBACK to Xavier College in the late 1980s

Rahul (still Shah Rukh Khan…they didn’t pull a Chandler Bing/Zac Efron thing here) is playing basketball flirtatiously with a young woman named…Anjali (Kajol.) OG Anjali is smart, funny, and a fantastic athlete (although nothing they do resembles real basketball). However, we KNOW she can’t be taken seriously as a love interest for Rahul because she has short hair and dresses like a combination of Sporty Spice and Dennis the Menace.

A few words about the fashion choices in this film: Although this is supposed to be the 1980s, everyone is dressed like it’s the late 90s. Rahul runs around campus in that GAP sweatshirt and Ralph Lauren rugby shirts that were ubiquitous in the late 1990s. OG Anjali wears a lot of cute but anachronistic, DKNY, Adidas, and Nike separates. No one wears a mullet, no one has feathered/permed hair, nobody’s jeans are acid washed. I have no problem with flashbacks in movies but the fashion and hairstyling make it seem like this is still 1998. Also, does Bollywood have a pass when it comes to showing licensed products and characters? So far I’ve seen a Tweety Bird, a Coke logo, a Pepsi machine, and a background character carrying a Mickey Mouse binder. It doesn’t feel like intentional product placement and I wonder how they got away with this.

Back to OG Anjali and Rahul. While they play “basketball” one accuses the other of cheating and they get in a fight. This brings us to our first SONG AND DANCE BREAK. Honestly, this is why I signed up for watching Bollywood movies. Unfortunately, there are no subtitles for the songs so I can only guess what they are about based on context clues. This one appears to be about Rahul and Anjali’s basketball fight which happened in private but is discussed on the campus radio station. So Anjali dances with her friends, Rahul dances with his and by the end of the song, they are friends again. The song has a fun beat and the choreography is pretty on point. This is probably the second most musically talented school after East High (What team? WILDCATS!). This song would have worked really well as a stand-alone music video and single but of course, this is Bollywood/India so a song can't just be a song.

We return to campus as usual where the principal (Anupam Kher) is waging a war on short skirts. Meanwhile, he ogles a particularly attractive member of the faculty (and so do the male students). I want to take this moment to say that while Hollywood films aren’t always *great* in regards to how they treat the female body, there is something particularly noxious about the male gaze in this film. Sexually objectifying a student or a teacher is just a fun, quirky thing the men in this movie do. It’s especially troubling to think about how Bollywood portrayals of this type of harassment influence Indian gender politics. If anyone has a suggestion for a Bollywood movie where women are visually treated with respect, please let me know. BUT ANYWAY, the actor who plays the principal is actually someone I recognized from playing the dad in “Bend it Like Beckham” and the dad in “Bride and Prejudice.” When I looked him up on IMDB, I learned he is probably the most prolific working actor in the world. Dude has THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY ONE acting credits to his name. Congrats on the career, man. He is happily talking to OG Anjali, a good student and a “good girl” who doesn’t wear short skirts like “other girls” (kill me, please). Principal Malhotra mentions that his daughter (who lives in London but somehow goes to Oxford) is going to do her final year of college at Xavier.

When we meet Principal Malhotra’s daughter she is none other than Tina, (Rani Mukerji) Little Anjali’s mom. We can tell Rahul is into her because there is music and he stops flirting with another woman when she walks in the room. We all know he eventually marries her and fathers her child so this meet-cute is a little anti-climactic. The real magic happens when OG Anjali meets Tina. Seriously, these two share some LOOKS and have some palpable sexual chemistry. If homosexuality weren’t literally a crime in India, I’d like to see these two in a rom com about how they fall in love and scam Shah Rukh Khan for his sperm so they can raise their daughter away from the ever-present male gaze. They have more chemistry with each other than either of them has with Rahul. I’m shipping this so hard and it’s not going to happen.

On campus, Tina faces a very specific form of harassment. Since she dresses modestly, is conventionally attractive, and the principal’s daughter, she is not openly catcalled the way other female students are but Rahul and his bros (in a pretty shitty flirting attempt) ask her to “prove” she’s “Indian enough” by singing in Hindi. Apparently, because she lives in the UK, that means she’s westernized and no longer “Indian.” There is so much wrong with this that I simply cannot. Sorry, that’s the westernized white girl in me talking. In all seriousness, Rahul is supposed to be the campus Cassanova and his idea of flirting is making a woman publicly “prove” her cultural identity. It is hella problematic #notwoke. Tina slays her rendition her rendition of “Om Jai Jagdish Hare.” This is a song sung during Aarti at Hindu prayers. Even I, a culturally beige-washed American, know the chorus and a few verses of this song because if I didn’t sing a long and stay for Aarti, I didn’t get ladoo and ladoo is delicious.

Now we get to the structural problems with this script. A half an hour passes with that is pertinent to the plot of the film. There is a student talent show that is completely irrelevant to the overall plot of the film and simply another excuse for a song and dance. It’s a great song. If they played this at a party, I would not be mad. Tina, Rahul, and OG Anjali essentially improv a full performance and it goes over like gangbusters. It also seems to be an excuse to dress Tina and OG Anjali like 2/5ths of The Spice Girls. Tina is Posh. OG Anjali is a strange mixture of Sporty and Baby. Again, a fun song but would work better as a single. The title song of this film is set among the ruins of a Scottish castle (seriously). For all the shit Rahul gave Tina for going to school in the UK, he seems super content wearing his GAP sweatshirt while singing and dancing in the land of his colonialist oppressor. Sadly, the title song is the least catchy of the film and doesn’t seem to make much sense. Are they all having the same dream about Scotland? Is it a paid advertisement for popular athletic brands of the 1990s? Is it a political statement about India, Scotland, and British colonialism? Who the fuck knows.

We finally come to an important plot point. In an English class taught by the sexually subversive faculty member who wears miniskirts, the students are reading Romeo and Juliet. TANGENT: The professor’s notes on Romeo and Juliet are covered in pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. These are licensed images from the 1996 film. How did this get past Baz Luhrmann’s lawyers? Tangent aside, instead of asking the students specific questions about the text (or movie), she poses the super deep question: What is love? *insert “A Night at The Roxbury” reference here* Really? What is love? Poor Tina. She left Oxford for this? Rahul answers the question with the level of intellect and sophistication we come to expect from him. He says “love is friendship” causing both Tina and OG Anjali to believe that he is in love with his best friend, OG Anjali. We know this is not true because Tina and OG Anjali are the real love story of this movie. WHY ELSE WOULD SHE NAME HER DAUGHTER AFTER HER?

At this point, OG Anjali believes she has feelings for Rahul and becomes weepy-eyed. When she goes to him to confess her feelings in a wheat field (as one does), he greets her with a confession of love. He then retracts it without giving her a chance to respond and says he was just practicing for when he plans to tell Tina. This guy is the goddamned worst. Why are we supposed to like him, again? OG Anjali responds to this the way any intelligent, self-possessed woman would: By dropping out of college. Rahul and Tina are upset and try to get her to get off the train. She does not. Cool. Way to make a great life decision. Which brings us back to…

LITTLE ANJALI CRYING WHILE READING THIS IN A LETTER. Remember Little Anjali? It’s her birthday? She somehow managed to be a sweet kid despite being raised by MTV and a borderline negligent father. This is the halfway point in the film. Seriously, this shit is only half over.

It’s now up to Little Anjali to reunite her father and her namesake. She decides to play a word-association game she learned by watching MTV-India to get more background information on OG Anjali. This misguided little girl starts the game by jumping on her father’s back and asking him what word he thinks of when he thinks of the word “sexy”. She says this while on his back. The visual isn’t great. Rahul responds to the “sexy” prompt with the name of HIS MOTHER. This family needs some serious therapy or they are tip-toeing treacherously close to Greek Tragedy territory. Anyway, when she says “Anjali”, he responds with “Sharma” (OG Anajli’s last name). While this seems farfetched that he’d say her last name when his own daughter Anjali is being carried on his back, it’s is not even the most bizarre thing to happen in the last five minutes of this movie.

Little Anjali and the grandmother ask more questions about Anjali Sharma. Rahul says she was his best friend in college. He explains that OG Anjali “wasn’t like other girls” because she enjoyed sports and didn’t “wear make up or short skirts.” “She was one of the guys,” he explains with a smile. I’m starting to think that OG Anjali is just the Bollywood iteration of the Hollywood “cool girl.” I want to take this moment to say that not all American exports are good. Sure, we may have given the world Diet Coke and “Hamilton” but this concept of the female lead who is “not like other girls” is hashtag problematic as hell. “Not like other girls” implies that it is somehow better to be in the company of men and masculinity than it is to be among things and people deemed “feminine.” While it’s on the surface empowering, it’s underlying message is steeped in outdated and patriarchy perpetuating myths about gender. Additionally, no girl is like all “other girls” because women and girls make up 3.5 billion people worldwide. Each girl and woman has her own interests, passions, and opinions that make her unique. It makes me truly sad to see other cultures adopt this “not like other girls concept” and use it to propagate problematic gender norms in their own societies.

That last paragraph was brought to you by my Seven Sisters education. Back to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai- Rahul, his mother, and Little Anjali head back to Xavier College to see Tina’s father on the anniversary of her death. While there, they decide to look up Anjali Sharma. Principal Malhotra says that he knows someone who might be able to help. Rifat Bi, the housemother of the girls dormitory remembers every student and as it turns out is still in touch with Anjali.

A note about Rifat Bi: She is a devout Muslim woman and when she is introduced, the Muslim call to prayer is used as background music. I am ashamed to say that as an Indian-American raised in an increasingly Islamophobic society, I heard that music and got scared-like white lady walking through Compton scared. I thought some “Homeland” shit was about to go down. And I’m a liberal! I voted and volunteered for Hillary! But as ashamed as it made me feel to feel fear upon hearing “Allah u Akbar,” I used this as an opportunity to challenge my Islamophobic assumptions. Rifat is a helpful and kind woman who does what she can to help the Khanna family find OG Anjali. When she gets a phone call that OG Anjali is engaged, she tearfully tells the family the news. At this point, Little Anjali (instead of crying) puts on a hijab and sits on a prayer mat. Although this plot point is Kellyanne Conway level ridiculous, it’s actually a very earnest expression of interfaith prayer and a rare positive portrayal of Islam. While little Anjali prays, Rifat gets another phone call to say Anjali’s wedding has been postponed until December because of astrology.

So what has become of OG Anjali? Well, she’s engaged to an NRI (that’s Non-Resident Indian) who lives/works in London. Her fiancé is a man and I was a little bummed by that (sigh, India). OG Anjali now presents herself in a more traditionally feminine way. Now when we see her, her hair is long, her eyebrows threaded, and she is wearing…makeup. Granted, it is her engagement party but she doesn’t go back to wearing track pants or jeans for the rest of the film. I guess now that she has feminized herself in a traditionally Indian way, she’s the focal point of this second-half love triangle. Her fiancé, Aman Mehra (Salman Khan) seems like a cool dude and he and his bros have some sick dance moves. If Pinterest existed in India in 1998, pictures and video of this scene would have been a bigger wedding trend than mason jars. Aman is also infinitely more watchable, charismatic, and attractive than Shah Rukh Khan. He is not quite the match for OG Anjali that Tina was but she’s dead and nobody’s perfect.

OG Anjali wants to take some time while Aman goes back to London to teach singing/dancing to kids at a summer camp. Little Anjali finds out about this by calling the engagement venue and eavesdropping on the conversation OG Anjali and Aman have about the camp. With new knowledge about the summer camp, Anjali begs her dad to go. He says absolutely not because she has never shown any interest in singing or dancing. Really? This kid watches MTV all day Does Rahul know nothing about his kid? God, he’s the worst. Rahul leaves on an “Exporter’s Trip” (so he’s an “exporter”...is that a job? whatever) to London leaving Little Anjali in the care of her grandmother. While he is at the conference he runs in to Aman and there is a bit of confusion with the phones when both Anjalis call at the same time. The men share a laugh before telling the other “best of luck with your Anjali.” Get it? Because women are property!

Little Anjali and her grandmother use this opportunity to escape to OG Anjali’s summer camp. Gotta hand it to Little Anjali for enlisting adult help. If this were a Hollywood film, she would have stolen her dad’s credit card number (I’m looking at you, “Sleepless in Seattle”). Anjali and her grandmother head to the camp and it’s actually pretty cute. Mrs. Khanna schools the Anglophile camp director on colonialism and goes as far as to dismantle his portrait of Elizabeth I. Honestly, I’d like to watch a movie about an Indian grandmother dismantling colonialist symbols and taking back her power but alas, this is as fruitless as wishing for a queer romance in a Bollywood film. Meanwhile, Little Anjali meets her name sake while dressed like a “Dora the Explorer” cosplayer. Rahul (Parent of the Fucking Century) decides to use MTV to reach out to his daughter and says “Anjali, I miss you, please come home.” OG Anjali hears this and briefly thinks Rahul is talking about her. In that moment, she realizes Little Anjali is Tina and Rahul’s daughter. OG Anjali cries dramatically upon seeing the picture of Tina that Little Anjali sleeps with. Shortly after the identities are revealed, Little Anjali leaves a message for her father with the sound of her sneezing and he runs dramatically to the camp. Remember, this is the same man who left his child to wander the streets of Mumbai for two hours.

Rahul arrives at the camp while the children are singing “Ragupati Raghava Rajaram”-a song I sang every morning as a child. Unlike my childhood prayer, this song has a dance floor beat. I think you could probably play this at The Abbey in West Hollywood and it would be a hit. If I heard this version while sipping a G&T and talking to my new best friend about the red carpet at Cannes, I’d be weirded out in the best possible way. Rahul walks in just in time for ladoo (sweet timing, dude) and calls for Anjali. Both his daughter and his love interest respond-that’s not a Freudian nightmare at all. OG Anjali and share a cinematic moment. Rahul decides to just stay at the camp with his daughter and mother while they sing dance out some feelings of unrequited love and play “basketball.” Little Anjali is finally able to show off her singing and dancing skills. Girl has some skills. All that MTV has really paid off. All these background kids are seriously talented dancers. I can only imagine how good Disney Channel India is.

This is where things get *dramatic* again. OG Anjali remembers she is still engaged to Aman and leaves the camp in tears. A little boy in a turban who hasn’t talked before, cries and tells her not to leave. When Rahul sees OG Anjali leaving he hands her the scarf she was wearing the day she left college. Has he really had it this whole time? Also there are a ton of continuity errors with OG Anjali’s engagement ring-sometimes it’s garnet and others times it’s diamond. Is there no one whose job it is to check for these things? There are so many poor, unemployed people in India. Bollywood could solve a lot of problems if they hired some people to spot and avoid blatant continuity errors. Economics lecture aside, it starts to rain and who shows up but Aman saying he loves OG Anjali and is ready to get married because fuck astrology. Little Anjali and Rahul look distressed.

Little Anjali decides to try a little reverse psychology with Aman. She tells him that he is a very handsome man and could have any woman he would want. Why would he want to marry OG Anjali? God, she’s going to be a monstrous teenager. Aman (jokingly) goes along with what Little Anjali is saying. He says he is handsome and doesn’t have to settle for someone “dark and fat.” Way to reenforce colorism and body shaming, Bollywood. It’s not enough that this movie takes place in India and no one has a “dusky” complexion but let’s throw a little fat shaming in there as well. Nonetheless, Fair and Lovely ™ Aman says that he loves OG Anjali and is ready to get married.

At the wedding, OG Anjali can’t stop crying/thinking about Rahul and Little Anjali. When she comes down the stairs, Aman sees the distress in her face and lets her go. He tells her that he wants her to be happy even if it’s not with him. Besides, he says someone told him “he could have any woman he wants” and shoots Little Anjali a smile. This guy seems genuinely jazzed to be not getting married despite declaring his love in the rain just before this. Rahul and OG Anjali tearfully embrace and it’s assumed they end up together. Little Anjali cries tears of joy while wearing casual western wear. There is no way in hell I could have worn anything other than Indian clothes to someone’s fancy wedding. Little Anjali and Aman lead a pretty solid dance at the not wedding. A farfetched idea but hey, the choreography is on point-a pretty accurate description of the film as a whole.

#kuch kuch hota hai #bollywood #movie review #hollywood #indian #diaspora #american born desi

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