#Why am I doing this to myself again? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

currantlees-creative-corner · 8 months

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I hate myself, so I am going to attempt this again. But I hate the official Inktober prompt list even more than myself, so I'm gonna use this one instead - thanks to @the-secret-place and their Chrithy Bot for all the prompts (if you have trouble reading them, click on the ALT-image description). Feel free to use it as well if you want!

No, I'm not gonna do these prompts in a particular order. What, that's against the rules? Well, I call my liberty artistic freedom then!

In other words, happy fall everyone!

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milkywayan · 6 months

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cut out the skirt (aka ripped the fabric into the right size) for the dress I'm currently making

now to start hand sewing it all together, so I can do super time intensive gathering. Not like I have time pressure or anything

i still need to make 20 fabric buttons and 20 hand button holes

#personal #why am i doing this to myself again?#besides the button stuff the bodice is done at least

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thesecretsoftheuniverse · 1 year

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i haven‘t posted in ages and i‘m soso sorry about that, but life is so stressful right know and i just can‘t find the motivation to sit down and write. :(

#uni is stressing me out so much #and then there‘s also my job #why am i doing this to myself again?#no pain no gain i guess

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empire-at-war · 2 years

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KINKTOBER DAY 25

kink of the day: Uniform

additional kinks/warnings: dirty, messy sex

characters: Vic and Julien :)

A/N: yes, I occasionally ship my own OCs with each other. These two are bitter exes who still think about each other a lot, apparently.

here’s some amazing art of these two idiots on Nar Shaddaa

***

Right off the top of his head Vic could tell several stories in which thinking with his dick had gotten him in big trouble. He'd gotten shot once, stabbed and beaten up several times, and one time he had ruined a marriage and an intergalactic trade agreement, all because of one, amazing blowjob in an elevator, but none of those incidents could even begin to compare to the mistake he was about to make right now.

“That wasn't part of our deal.” Julien's voice was steady, but he didn't LOOK steady. More importantly, Vic realized he hadn't said 'no'. “Deals change.”

Julien retreated back to his stupid desk and turned his back on Vic. He was clearly stalling, busying himself with taking off the white gloves that went with his immaculate dress uniform. “I just.... I can't.” He didn't seem able to elaborate. His shoulders were tight with tension. Vic was strangely calm. He always was, once he had reached a decision. A few long strides closed the gap between them. Granted, this was the worst decision he had ever made. The absolute worst. But Vic had never been one to half-ass things. “Vic...”

Part of him knew that he should leave right now, before he went too far and there was no going back. He knew this, but instead of taking a step back, instead of punching Julien in the face as he had imagined himself doing so often, he grabbed a fistful of the immaculate white fabric and pulled the bastard in for a kiss.

The beard was new. It was surprisingly soft against his cheek. Vic had expected some resistance, some protest at least, but the lips under his parted eagerly for him, or perhaps desperately would be the better way to describe it.

The soft little moan that escaped Julien's lips definitely sounded desperate. He had closed his eyes, and only when Vic loosened his grip and released his jacket, did he open them again. Had they always been this green? Julien was panting, lips red and parted, face flushed a dark crimson, but he still didn't say 'no'. Vic let his hands run up and down the uniformed chest, stroking the brass and tracing the starched collar with his fingers. His hands were greasy, and left visible marks on the pristine fabric. He couldn't recall seeing Julien in a white uniform before, but he had to admit it looked good on him.

“You're getting my uniform dirty,” Julien complained, his voice a bit too shaky to have any authority.

“Looks like I am,” Vic laughed, leaning closer until he was only inches from the pale blonde hair on Julien's neck. The skin above the starched collar was sticky with sweat. Not one hair out of place on the admiral and his stupid imperial regulation haircut, but he actually shivered as Vic leaned closer. Damn. Last chance to step away and walk out now...

“You're going to get it all messy....” Julien's voice got even more shaky and thick with arousal. Vic could see the bulge starting to form in his uniform pants, and he knew for some reason that as soon as he touched it, he would have crossed some imaginary line. There would be no going back. “So? You always liked it when I made a mess on you.” Vic chuckled, sliding his hands lower to hook into the belt buckle. “Didn't you?”

“That's ridiculous. I don't want your dirty hands on my things,” Julien lied, the strict face he was trying to pull off failing as soon as Vic pushed his own pants down and took himself in hand, giving his cock a few long strokes. The expression on his face when he saw the piercing was very satisfying, Vic wasn't going to lie, he loved the way Julien's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. There was a little voice in the back of his head telling him that this didn't make sense. Julien should have seen him pierced before, shouldn't he? But he pushed that thought away and rubbed his cock against the pristine white fabric of Julien's pants, enjoying the way the admiral's ears turned red too.

Something was off about this, Vic could sense it, but he couldn't bring himself to think too much about it right now. This felt too good. He couldn't stop. He stroked himself faster and was consumed by the fantasy of finishing all over Julien's pretty uniform, the one he was so proud of, to cover the bastard in his cum and…. There was a loud noise, a beeping. That didn't make sense either. Wait. What was... Before Vic could finish jerking off, the blaring alarms of his ship tore him from his dreams. He sat up on his bed, cursing violently, before he jumped out of the bed and dragged himself to the bridge to deal with the situation, trying to ignore his throbbing cock and more importantly, what he had just seen in his dream. Whom he had just seen.

That bastard was just going to continue to make his life miserable, wasn't he? Even after all those years.

#kinktober 22 #kinktober day 25 #swtor ocs #vic greydon #julien ferrel #I will never stop shipping these two #and I will probably never give them their happy ending #why am i doing this to myself again?

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coaldustcanary · 2 years

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I don’t want to really watch House of the Dragon for like 10k reasons and yet HERE WE ARE.

Also, spoiler alert, but there is a very non-canon-to-the-books (as far as we know), very graphic, very non-consensual c-section depicted and it is deeply fucked up.

Also, look, we all know what happens in this story and while I approve of the casting of Corlys Velaryon 110% (Steve Toussaint is excellent in the role) I am very leery of the racial element that it brings to future storylines regarding certain characters’ parentage being doubted based on physical appearance and rumor. I don’t think it makes the casting bad, I just don’t trust them to deal with that storyline in a reasonable way in general, but the added racial element will make it worse, I suspect.

On the plus side the show was undeniably beautiful, besides the usual wig crimes, I guess. (Matt Smith’s wig is it’s own warning, basically.) Not sure if “whee pretty” going to be enough for me but...

#house of the dragon #house of the dragon spoilers #i just...sigh #why am i doing this to myself again?

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hansoeii · 1 year

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it’s okay, babygirl.

#who's gonna pay my therapy bills #this show ruins me over and over again every week why am i even doing this to myself #but ahhhh joel loves her so much!!!!#thats his kid!!!!#and he was so afraid of caring for her but he can't hide it any longer #UGH #the last of us #the last of us fanart #tlou hbo #tlou fanart #pedro pascal #bella ramsey #joel and ellie #my art

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qvincvnx · 3 months

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sometimes when total strangers commit the crime of being annoying in my reblogs i DM them or reply @ them before blocking simply due to the autistic need to be understood. BUT i have rules for when i'm allowed to do that.

1. i'm not allowed to do it without running the scenario past a groupchat to make sure i'm justified in annoyance and not simply evil (due to migraine, hangry, etc) 2. i have to make it constructive and helpful feedback, such that they can avoid getting blocked in future interactions. which sometimes makes me feel like i'm some sort of tumblr user manners training wizard. eg:

> CHUMMY INSULTS are only funny if you are already MUTUALS WHO TALK. try upgrading your FRIENDSHIP before attempting this maneuver!

> if you don't wish to ANNOY other USERS, try NOT leaving long, off-topic REBLOGS. such REBLOGS may result in other USERS taking the BLOCK action against you, and/or being targeted by a PISS ON THE POOR attack in future interactions!

> unloading your PERSONAL TRAUMA in a STRANGER'S INBOX unprompted is a BOUNDARY VIOLATION!

many such cases. obviously don't phrase it like this unless your goal is to be insanely condescending. but anyway i recommend doing your best to at least mentally frame your feedback this way if you're going to block the motherfuckers anyway.

#sometimes it's GENUINELY agonizing to just block someone without explaining why and this is something i only do then because: i do know.#like i know this is both insane and rude. however sometimes i can't help myself and i really try very hard not to make it... ad hominem.#but. 'your behavior is inappropriate and i am setting a boundary but also i want you to know why' (<- said by guy who needs to know always)#if nothing else if the advice is constructive you won't hate yourself for losing your temper.#tumblr wizard #<- so i can FIND THE FUCKING POST AGAIN

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no-brain-just-good-omens · 2 months

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genuinely crying again they love eachother so much TwT

LOOK AT THE WAY AZIRAPHALE IS LPOKING AT CROWLEY!!1!! I AM SICK!!! I AM DYING!!! THAT IS A MAN WOMAN PERSON NOT PERSON ANGEL THAT IS SO SEVERELY IN LOVE!!!!!

#anyway what im saying is im lonely #i’ll never have anything as good as what they have #why am i genuinely crying over how much they love each other #good omens #good omens s2 #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable divorce #ineffable husbands #good omens brainrot #good omens is making me sad again #i need to stop doing this to myself #HOW TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THESE GAYS

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sweetgaleria · 1 year

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Help a college student graduate by answering a survey!!

Hey!! Are you over 18 and in the miraculous fandom? Then this is for you!!

Hi everyone, this is my last semester of uni, and one of my final projects to be able to graduate is to write a scientific paper. I'm writing an article about adult fans of children's animation, specifically Miraculous Ladybug. My goal is to understand what makes adults (like us) want to join fandoms centered around shows aimed primarily at children, and to do that I'd love to hear directly from the source! The survey takes around 10 minutes to answer, it's 100% anonymous and it would help me immensely!

>>Click here for the survey<<

I need at least 30 people to answer, but honestly the more the merrier! I've also made a little thank you gif at the end, so if you see it let me know! If you have any questions feel free to send me an ask, as well!

Please reblog so it can reach more people! Thank you so much!

#what do we love (or hate!! I know people are here bc they dont like the show as much too) abt miraculous that #makes us want to spend so much time thinking and creating things for and about it?#miraculous ladybug #i am once again asking for your support #insert bernie sanders meme here #alskdjasd #no but really if you answer this it would help me so so much #and i'll be so thankful #i will reblog this post a bit frequently so please be patient with me 😭😭#also the point of this is not to shame anyone for watching kid's shows in any shape or form #i just love animation and kids cartoons too #my first intentions with this research were to ask why do we mostly view animation as a kid's genre instead of a technique to tell stories #in the west at least #but it was too broad of a question and I dont have enough time to dedicate myself to it #so i narrowed it down to something i'm familiar with #which is why i went for #so uh anyway #pls reblog #and answer my survey #thank you so much

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lulublack90 · 3 months

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Prompt 7 - Star

@jegulus-microfic February 7 Word count 743

ok this wasn't meant to be another multi-prompt story but here we are 🤣

CW- someone is tortured but it's not described but you know it's going on.

First part

Sirius had blindfolded him once they’d cleared the building. He could feel Sirius’s face still close to his.

“We’re going to apparate in a second. Are you going to behave, or do I have to stun you?” Sirius growled into his ear. Regulus tried to twist his head away from his brother.

“Stunning it is.” Sirius sighed before Regulus felt a spell hit him, and then…

***

“Did you have to do that, Sirius?” James huffed as he rearranged Regulus’s limp body on his shoulders.

“If he messed around, he would have splinched himself, and you might have as well. This was easier.” Sirius shrugged at James as he explained. “Come on, Mad-Eye will want to question him.” Sirius held his hand out to James, and they disapparated to their designated safe house.

***

Regulus’s body felt stiff like he’d fallen asleep sitting up. Slowly, he cracked his eyes open. He was in a dark room, possibly a cellar. He wasn’t sure. If magic was being used, he could be anywhere.

He tried to move and found he was strapped tightly to a wooden chair.

“Ah, so you’re finally awake?” A gruff, gravely voice said from the shadows. Alastor Moody moved so he was just visible in the low light.

Regulus supposed it was meant to be an intimidation tactic, but it wasn’t strong enough to work on him. The Auror clearly hadn’t asked Sirius for input, as he’d know that after dealing with Walburga Black, nothing these silly little men could do would get to him.

“Hmmm, braver than you look, hey, Black? Let’s see how brave the lionhearted star really is.” He raised his wand, pointing it directly at Regulus’s chest, and all Regulus could think was this man was an idiot. The Regulus star wasn’t lionhearted. It was the heart of the lion, and as it was, his heart belonged to only one lion, a Gryffindor lion.

He used thoughts of James to get him through the waves of torture Moody was about to perform.

***

Above them, in the kitchen, James and Sirius paced. Frank Longbottom had his wand on them, and they had been warned that if they tried to get into the cellar, he’d stun the pair without hesitating. So they paced.

James flinched at every scream, and Sirius ranted and raved about how torture wouldn’t work on him because Walburga had made it her life’s mission to torture her sons until they could endure anything.

“Just talk to him like I said to. He’s a twat, but he’ll talk more if you don’t piss him off with spells first.” He bellowed at the door.

James couldn’t speak at all. Every cry emitted from Regulus broke a piece of him. If he’d have thought even for a second that the Order would do this to him, he’d have taken him and run.

Eventually, it went silent, and familiar clunking footsteps pounded up the stairs. The door to the cellar opened, and Mad-Eye walked out, looking tired and not at all satisfied. James and Sirius went to step around him, but he shot his arm out, blocking them.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” He growled at them. “No one is to go near the prisoner.”

“What the fuck Mad-Eye?!” Sirius cried as he tried in vain to get around him.

“He’s not talking yet. But don’t you worry, he will.”

“No, he won’t! I’ve already told you, Moody, you won’t break him like that. All you’ve done is piss him off. He’ll never say a word to you now. Let us try. I know we can get through to him. He’ll talk to James and I. Please let us try.” By the end of his tirade, Sirius was pleading with the older wizard. James was glad Sirius had taken over. He was in no fit state to fight Mad-Eye.

“Go on, Mad-Eye, it won’t hurt to let them have a crack at him.” Frank offered as he tried to defuse the situation and get the head Auror to see reason.

The grizzled wizard grunted something incoherent but nodded before he stomped out of the kitchen. They all understood he meant that James and Sirius could go down to Regulus.

James stared at the cellar door. He felt sick at the thought that whatever had happened to Regulus was his fault if he hadn’t picked him up. None of this would have happened.

He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it.

Next part

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captain-astors · 8 months

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Creature. (The rendered ones are referenced from manga panels)

#mediocre art #tokyo ghoul #On some level I think I should like Kaneki more than I do but there's this weird sense of detachment #I have not only from him but being able to perceive him as a character?#I don't even dislike him it's just that I can't feel any which way about him at all. He's a catalyst for events #feels more like the conch from Lord of the Flies or something rather than a fictional person.#He doesn't suffer and learn from the consequences #he just suffers and does what got him there again. It's arguable that the lack of punishment denies him the satisfaction #but if that's the case why does he end the story with everything working out perfectly for him?#Why do his friends oblige his flaws and accept his lack of change?#Is the problem my lack of understanding or his lack of good writing?#Is he well written?#Why do I like a certain character from a different anime who's a very similar person with very similar dynamics #but with a goal and acceptance by himself and those around him that his actions really are reprehensible and cannot truly be atoned for #not only more but to the point that he's actually one of my favorites?#Am I just sitting upon a throne of entitlement #because his thought process and experiences are not catered to be applicable to and understood by myself?#GOD IF I KNOW ANYMORE #I'm not pressuring myself to like him or anything I just don't understand anything about kaneki these days and I don't know why

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trensu · 4 months

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Have an itty bitty tiny piece of stasis in darkness, just so you all have an idea of where the story is going after the godly reveal. and also have proof that i am, in fact, still toiling away at this (as well as hawkins halfway house.)

A week and a half later, Steve entered a town he’d never seen before. He wore simple traveling clothes and carried no weapons aside from a couple of carefully hidden knives. He’d left his armor and shield behind. His satchel held only the essentials one needed for travel and a single stone as large as his fist. The stone was wrapped in layers of cloth to keep it safe during the journey.

I need you to find someone.

He felt very bare but he hadn’t been given much of a choice. Speed was of the essence for his quest, and little no-name towns tended to be wary of strangers in plain clothes, even more so around strangers decked out for battle. Steve wasn’t sure this place could be called a town. It was so small it hadn’t been on any official map. It didn’t even have an inn. Hopefully, Steve wouldn’t be needing an inn once he found who he was looking for.

He’s too far from me to reach.

He asked around, laying on the charm generously. He explained he had been a friend of a friend and had been trusted to deliver something. Eventually, he was told where to go. The house he found far beyond the village’s boundary was small. It looked like it had once been well cared for but it was old and had fallen to disrepair. Steve took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

A sallow old man opened the door. He was bald but had some scruff on his face still. His shoulders, stooped from age, trembled. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked so tired.

He’s my very last worshiper in all the world.

“Wayne Munson?” Steve asked.

“Who wants to know?” The man’s voice was phlegmy and rough. He coughed into the crook of his elbow almost before he could finish speaking.

“I’m Steve. Ser Steve Harrington, pledged to the Lord of Night.”

Wayne’s eyes widened. His grip on the open door weakened and slipped. Steve caught the door before it could hit Wayne.

“He sent me to you,” Steve explained. “May I come in?”

yep, that's it for now. i told you it was small. i'm not even gonna bother with a read-more here.

#trensu tells stories #stasis in darkness #i technically have another 4.5k words written already #but it is very much still a rough draft #it's all clunky chunks of stone with all that i want to happen but has not been carved and smoothed out properly yet #also i have decided to include at least a couple of prayers #because i hate myself apparently and want to make myself suffer #a poet i am not #and i haven't stepped in a church or said prayers in literal decades #well #that's a lie #i did attend ONE mass in that time only because my mom asked me so she wouldn't have to go alone #the priest went off on the queers during his sermon and my mom never asked me to go with her again lol #so i remember none of the prayers #and even if i did #i learned all my prayers in spanish #i have no idea how they go in english #ughhhhhh why do i do these things to myself

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blujayonthewing · 1 year

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#I've played with irl atheists and catholics and everything in between #but it rarely feels like faith is a real factor for anyone-- DM or player #outside of‚ again‚ divine spellcasters and Big Epic Plot Things #I mean there are a couple of 'RAAAHGH FUCK THE GODS >:C' edgy backstory types but #no one is just Normally Culturally Religious and it's WEIRD #like it's not even a matter of faith in dnd! the gods are LITERALLY OBJECTIVELY PROVABLY REAL #so what does that MEAN for the average person! how does it shape language? business? culture?#where are the people wearing holy symbols like amulets-- or the way modern christians very casually wear crosses?#blessings over meals? prayers before bed? burnt offerings?#and like I enjoy thinking about world and culture building but I know that's A Whole Thing but even just like...#it doesn't feel like anyone believes in gods at all except clerics and paladins #like they DO because they factually exist but in the same way I 'believe in' like. the president of france.#like yeah he exists and is important to some people but has no bearing on my life whatsoever #that's such a fucking weird approach to the DIVINE in a polytheist world where those gods are YOUR CULTURE'S GODS??#I am bad at this myself but I'm not religious so it's harder for me to remember what Being Religious All The Time Casually is like lol #funny enough my character with the most intentionally religious background in this sense #is one of my ones who's ended up wrapped up in Big Plot God Things lmao #'aubree starts the campaign with a holy symbol of yondalla because of course she does why wouldn't she'#'oh okay well she's gonna get deeply and personally entangled with a bunch of death gods immediately' fdkjghkdf oh!! welp #you don't really pray to urogalan unless you're breaking ground for a new building or someone just died so it's STILL weird for her lol #but at least I had the framework there of 'oh yeah the gods exist and matter to me and my everyday life and culture' in general #about me #posts from twitter

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3-aem · 3 months

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i also don’t want to portray myself as faultless. my work isn’t ai and it isn’t copied. but nk will say i Had old pieces that were copied and referenced ai. Yet it isn’t good faith when i apologize, state how i took accountability, and explain thats definitely not the case today because i learned my lessons- to respond with well you made these mistakes in the past so how can i believe you, you are lying, and have not changed.

so i quit. how can i prove myself then besides what i mentioned in the last post. my question is will you even ALLOW me to prove myself. each time i must explain, i place a spotlight on something that was resolved agreeably with the artists, resolved by removing the works, and resolved within myself by learning from it. but by not saying something i also allow You to concoct narratives and have to watch people spread them around and come to me demanding apologies. it is a very uncomfortable very distressing process that has worn me down completely.

never mind that other artists who have copied have not nearly been requested to apologize as much as i have been. never mind that they were forgiven when they removed the works or even when they just say sorry and don’t remove the work at all. But you still choose to hound me afterwards for doing just that?

nk has stated that i have not fixed this. and that i must address it. how many times though? for how long also? who on this planet starts the conversation by recounting all their mistakes, especially when they know they are resolved.

i have had to learn my lessons through cruelty like yours. trust me its a trauma i have to bear and they are not lessons you then forget.

my anger and my feelings of defeat come from the fact that even after nk was still talking like i had not even attempted to make progress. just look at your tone here.

#im going to fking throw up this is the last time i will ever say this #do not come begging to be for another apology i am done #i will never address this issue again okay #i need to say this because no matter what when i see people supporting me now i feel guilty #i recognize it is just because i hate myself #it is because i havent accepted i made mistakes #but i cant accept it because people cant accept it #i cant accept it and i cant move on #and that is why i think its best to leave art #i cant make work i am proud of anymore #i dont want to list names of artists #but i will say that when king chris reposted my work without credit i viewed it the same as when i referenced other artists work #but there was no callout no request even from the comments for credit #and he has millions of followers #i felt like i could not stand up for myself because i have this history #because of this history i can never properly defend myself i feel i must always kneel to it #even though i have changed and realized i was wrong i still have to acknowledge it always

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kentopedia · 2 months

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truthfully i want to back away from jjk but i don’t know how

#bc i still love nanami & want to write about him but #i don’t feel like i’m a part of the fandom anymore #& im okay w it i just want to have my own space on here #it’s just all i see allll the time and i’m kind of tired of it :( bc i don’t care anymore #i don’t get excited about it like i do bsd either :(#i also don’t just want to be known as a jjk blog which i feel like … i kind of am now maybe :/#but like it’s ALLL people post about & i have a lot of jjk moots which i love so i’m not going to block anyone 😭😭 but i also wish i could #just like …. distance myself easier lol #it’s mostly the fandom too like idk i don’t like it #anyway sorry for the rant but if you’re wondering why i’m posting all abt bsd again all of the sudden this is why #i just realized it makes me a lot happier !! :3 to be more a part of that side of tumblr

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1v31182m5 · 10 months

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WIP

#I had to take a picture of myself for Aang's right hand it was so embrassesingn #avatar #why do I still need references ff #atla #atla aang #aang #adult aang #avatar the last airbender fanart #avatar the last airbender #avatar aang #aang fanart #me after captioning a sketch with WIP knowing damn well I am not going to come back to this ever again

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