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the-kittens-of-vol-tron · 1 year

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Coffee Days

This was posted to AO3 (Here!) but I know some people don’t use that so I’m posting it here as well

Word Count: 5,461

Authors Note:

The italicizes are where they are signing. I know that this isn't a true translation of what they are actually signing (ASL will drop filler words and stuff) but for the sake of reading, I wrote the proper full sentences

-----

Keith pushed through the doors leading into the Balmera Café, a gust of wind pushing him through the door faster than he intended. He quickly ran his hand through his hair and stepped into the line. He gripped his phone tightly in his hand, his order typed up in the notes app. He usually didn’t need to show people his order, but he didn’t want to risk a newbie not knowing his usual.

The café was small, the walls covered in various students' artwork. The air smelled of coffee grounds and he could only assume how loud it was from all the machines running. The atmosphere was welcoming and Keith quickly declared it one of the nicest places on campus.

He bounced on his heels as he waited, trying not to look around the group of girls in front of him to see if he was working. See, while Keith did like the coffee and pastries served at the café, he had come fond of a certain barista.

Keith had found himself caught in the rain on his motorcycle. The weather called for clear skies but as soon as he reached town he was driving through heavy rain. He managed to find an alleyway with a roof hanging off to park his bike. He pulled his helmet off and wiped his eyes, pushing back the hair that fell onto his face.

He walked to the end of the alleyway, scanning the street for anything that looked open. It was still early in the morning and Keith already decided he wasn’t going to make his first class of the day. He quickly looked up the shops in the area; the town was still new to him.

The Balmera Café popped up, holding a 4.5-star review. He checked the hours, they should be open and he crossed the street and headed a couple of shops down. He pushed the door open, a bit surprised to see no one in line or sitting down.

He saw a boy walking towards him, a mop in one of his hands and his free hand waving at him. He was saying something but Keith never really bothered to learn how to read lips; even if he was better at reading lips; this boy's lips were moving too quickly for him to make out much of anything.

Keith put his hand up, pulling out his phone while the other boy rolled his eyes at him. He quickly clicked on his notes app and opened a pre-written note he had used thousands of times.

I’m Deaf.

He turned the phone towards the other boy, his eyes widened as he read the message. His lips still moved, his free hand that was once waving coming up to tug at his short brown locks.

Keith turned his phone back around, preparing himself to write another message before the boy turned on his head and clearly called to someone in the back.

Another person, a taller woman with long white hair that was tied in a bun poked her head around the corner to the kitchen. The boy must have said a couple more things to her since she began to walk towards them, wiping her hands on the orange apron she was wearing.

She gave Keith a friendly smile, her hands slowly spelling, ‘Welcome to the Balmera Café.’

Keith blinked at her, trying to gauge her skill level for ASL. He stuck with the most common signs, responding with a ‘thank you.’

She seemed to be trying to remember certain letters as she spelled out, ‘Café is closed, Open in thirty minutes.”

Keith felt his face grow hot, opening a new note on his phone. Sorry, it said online that you were open. I was trying to escape the rain. He showed the screen to the two employees, both of them looking at each other. Keith turned his phone back around, adding to his original sentence. The door was unlocked.

Allura nodded, finger spelling “for employees,” and Keith made and ‘oh’ face.

Allura reached into Lance’s apron pocket, pulling out a small pad of paper, ignoring his obvious vocal remarks. She wrote quickly and showed Keith the paper. " Feel free to sit in the lobby until the rain calms down." It was followed by " And I’ll fix our online hours."

Keith signed another thank you and took a seat by the window. Both these employees headed back to what they were doing, the boy taking the rest of the chairs down. Keith found his eyes following the employee a bit.

Now, Keith did respect random strangers' privacy and kept to himself but as the boy moved he found was entranced. He figured music of some form must have been playing as his steps held a small bounce and his hips swung back and forth.

Keith fought back a smile, turning his eyes to focus on the rain that was hitting the window. His brother had explained to him that rain makes sounds when it falls on surfaces. Metal was echoey and could be very loud. Grass and dirt were soft soundings. Glass windows were a tapping sound.

Keith obviously had no idea what that would actually sound like, he had been born deaf but it was nice to know what made sound and what didn’t.

The employee walked over to the door, flipping the Closed sign to Open and Keith felt another wave of slight embarrassment. How did he miss that?

The employee stopped in front of his table, holding his pad of paper in front of him. " Would you like to order something? On the house :)"

Keith looked up at him, the boy's face holding a wide grin. He felt a small smile tug at his lips and he pulled out his phone to type his order.

That was about three years ago. Keith went back to the café a week later. His once-a-week visit turned into twice, then three, and now he was going in about four times a week. He had unintentionally memorized Lance’s schedule at that point. And he conveniently always went in when Lance was supposed to be working.

He had grown very fond of him, he used to label his feelings as a slight crush but as the years went on he discovered it was something entirely different. He wouldn’t say he was in love with Lance but he had an attachment he couldn’t explain. He liked his smile, the crow's feet that would form around his eyes as he grinned. He always was happy to see Keith, waving happily and nearly dropping everything he was doing just to say hi to him.

Keith’s heart beat faster whenever he saw him, and he recently had been fighting the urge to leave his number on a sticky note or ask Lance if he wanted to go out with him.

He had learned his name was Lance the second time he went to the café. His name tag was written in blue pen and had a blue cat drawn on it in the upper right-hand corner. He came to know Allura as well, who would sign with him if they were out of a particular item or just to ask how classes were going.

She was in his brother's grad school program.

The owner of the café, Coran, also knew ASL, better than Allura, Keith noticed his cochlear implant the first moment they met. Keith liked the café, he felt comfortable there, he never felt judged, and everyone did everything they could to accommodate him.

Lance grinned at him as he walked up to the counter, and Keith couldn’t help but smile back. “Usual?”

Keith nodded, it took some time for him and Lance to work out lip reading. Keith could handle a couple of words at a time, as long as Lance talked slowly. Keith had begun to look up tutorials and practice with his brother more; it was just a skill he hated feeling obligated to learn. But, he would do it if it meant Lance would keep talking to him.

He pulled out his wallet, Lance waving his hand to stop him. “On the house.”

Keith signed thank you and stepped off to the side. Allura waved at him, leaning against the counter, ‘Sorry, still no oat milk.’ Her sign was starting to get better as well.

Keith could feel himself laughing, hoping the sound wasn’t too loud. ‘It’s okay.’ Oat milk had become a running joke between him and the café. It was Keith’s favorite milk alternative, but the café only had lactose-free milk. It didn’t ruin the drinks at all but the slight aftertaste was still present.

His cup was placed down in front of him, Keith <3 written on the side of it and he grabbed it. He allowed one more look at Lance before he exited the café.

‘Ohhhh he put a heart next to your name,’ his brother teased him, looking at Keith’s cup on the table.

‘Shut up!’ Keith sat back in his chair, trying to focus on his physics homework. It wasn’t hard but it was boring. He could still feel Shiro smiling at him, and did his best to ignore him.

Allura came in sometime later, taking her usual seat next to Adam, a coffee in her hands. She exchanged her own pleasantries, signing a quick hello to Keith.

Shiro, Adam, and Allura work on a project together, Keith focusing on his own homework. He worked until it was time for class and bid everyone goodbye. Once he left the room he glanced down at the cup. His eyes focused on the heart. Lance had never done that before. Maybe he was interested in him? Maybe this was his attempt to make his feelings known. He threw the cup in the trash can and made his way toward his class.

He sat in his normal seat near the front, his translator was a girl named Shay. She came in a couple of minutes before class started, taking her usual stance in front of the class. He had talked to her a bit. She was a mechanical engineering major, she had a boyfriend named Hunk, an older brother who was a doctor, and she was a junior just like Keith. He liked her. He never asked where she learned to sign but he was just happy she was willing to work with him for three years.

He waved goodbye after class and made his way back to his motorcycle. He decided to cut through the garden on campus, it was more of a lounge area than for actually growing food. He never spent much time there, or anywhere on campus. Only in the library study rooms with Shiro, Adam, and Allura, when she stopped by.

He kept his eyes trained forward as he walked, always having to be aware of his surroundings. He was about halfway through the garden area when he saw him. Lance was sitting on the grass with five other people, their backpacks placed around them.

Shay sat on another boy's lap, who he assumed was the boyfriend she told him about. There was a younger-looking person sitting crisscrossed, messing with something metal in their hands. There was another guy leaning over the small person, his eyes trained at whatever they were doing, a dog in his lap. Lance leaned back on his hands, his legs straight out in front of them. He was laughing at whatever was being said but Keith quickly became hyperaware of the girl propped up next to him.

She leaned against him, and even Keith could see her laughing a bit harder than everyone else at his reply. Her hand was pressed on his upper arm and he glanced down at her. She said something to him, Keith was unable to see her lips due to the angle, and leaned up and kissed his cheek.

Keith felt his heart sink, almost as if someone poured cement on it. He tore his eyes away from the group and nearly sprinted the rest of the way to his motorcycle. He started it quickly and tore out of the parking lot, he was stupid to think that Lance would ever be interested in him.

---

Lance was very interested in Keith. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter, watching him leave the café.

“Did you do it?” Allura stood next to him, mimicking his posture.

“Yeah. I didn’t see if he actually noticed it or not.”

Allura gave him a small nudge with her elbow, “just leave more and more every day then.”

Lance released a quiet sigh and started organizing the cups around them.

“Or,” Allura sat down on one of the stools behind the counter, this was a slow time for the café. “You could just give him your number.”

“Allura you know I can’t do that,” he stopped his organization and re-wiped down the counter, prepping for the next wave of people.

“And why’s that.”

Lance paused, his eyes falling onto the table Keith sat at all those years ago. Where Lance had watched him watch the rain outside, a look of content on his face. “I need to test the waters first. Hearts can be platonic or romantic so I need him to show me how he read it.”

Allura nodded at him, waving at Romelle as she entered the café for her shift. “I’ll see you later Lance, keep your chin up.”

Lance nodded at her, putting a smile on his face as a group of customers walked in.

He grabbed his own coffee and began to head down the street toward his campus. His classes were later in the afternoon, which gave him a couple of hours a day at the café. Allura left first, she helped open the shop with Coran at 6 am so she dipped a couple of hours before her first class. Romelle came in to replace her while Lance left two hours after her. A guy named Matt was his replacement, he was Pidge’s brother.

He sat down in the grass, letting the warm wind blow over him.

“Lance!”

He opened his eyes to the voice, “hey Nyma.”

She plopped down next to him, pulling him in for a side hug. “How have you been since I saw your this morning?”

“Fine, and you?”

“Good, did you give Keith your number?”

“Did you give Rolo your number?”

She gave him a playful shove, her face turning bright red. “I asked you first!”

“Then I take it we have the same answer.”

She slumped next to him, her head resting on his shoulder. Lance rested his head on top of hers. They had been best friends since freshman year. They were in the same major and roomed together their sophomore year up until the present. He loved her like a sister, and maybe if Keith hadn’t walked into his life that rainy day he would have loved her like a potential partner. But she liked Rolo and he liked Keith.

“Can we please try and make him jealous? I want him to just make a move on me already.”

Lance shook his head, “I’m not looking for a black eye.”

“Oh please, he won’t hit you but I told him I like him and nothing! Not even a rejection. Maybe if I show him I ‘moved on’ he’ll do something about it.”

Lance lifted his head up, shifting himself so he could look at her, “how do you know that will work?”

She scoffed, “I know his ex, he only pursued her after she flirted with another guy.”

Lance nodded, it wasn’t his place to say if that was the type of guy she should go for. He glanced up at Hunk and Shay making their way towards them. Pidge and Rolo would join in a bit, usually with his service dog Beezer. “Fine, but if he gives me a back eye I’m taking your skin care products.”

She laughed at him, “okay.”

---

The lights flickered in the room and Keith looked towards the light switch, Shiro standing by them. ‘What?’

‘What’s wrong?’ Shiro signed back.

‘Nothing.’ Keith went back to the book he was reading, the lights flickering more. He looked up with a huff.

‘Something is wrong.’

Keith fought back an eye roll, even if Shiro was right he still didn’t like talking about his feelings. ‘Nothing is wrong.’

‘You skipped dinner.’

‘So?’

He could see Shiro sigh, ‘you only skip dinner when something is wrong.’

Keith closed his book, hugging his knees as Shiro walked into his bedroom more, sitting on the edge of his bed. ‘I saw Lance today after class.’

Shiro beamed at him, ‘and?’

Keith looked down at his hands, signing what he didn’t want to accept yet. ‘He was with a girl.’

‘Oh.’

He took a deep breath, ‘She kissed his cheek.’

‘Oh.’

Neither of them moved for a couple of minutes. Shiro eventually placed his hand on Keith’s knee. Keith met his eyes, and Shiro gave him a smile that he knew was saying that everything would be okay.

The next week he found himself back in the study room, Shiro and Adam had yet to make an appearance but Allura sat across from him at the table. She was reading something on her laptop, occasionally tapping an unrecognizable beat on the table with her fingers.

Keith kept glancing at her, fighting the urge to interrogate her about her coworker. Was he actually dating that girl? How long? What did that heart mean then?

He kept raising his hand to wave at her but each time he forced it back down against his book. His brother and his boyfriend eventually came into the room, chatting to each other as they sat down. Keith gave them a friendly smile and went back to his studies.

The door swung open fast enough to shake the room and Keith snapped his head up. Lance stood in the doorway, his chest rising and falling quickly, did he sprint all the way up here?

“Allura!!” He looked around the room, his eyes briefly meeting Keith, “hey everyone.” His eyes switched back to Allura, “Coran has a baby cow!! In the café!! It’s wearing shoes!”

Keith didn’t catch everything that he was saying but given the amusing look on Allura's face it couldn’t have been something bad. He looked around the room, everyone appeared to be chuckling at what he was saying.

“Yes, he bought a cow named Kaltenecker…I’m not sure why.”

Lance's mouth opened and closed a couple of times. He looked back at Keith, and Keith ignored the way his chest fluttered but tightened at the same time. He gave Keith a small wave before saying something else to the group.

Allura responded and Lance ran out of the room, everyone else watching him leave. He looked towards his brother who began to sign at him everything that happened; Keith found himself not only laughing but falling a bit harder for that boy.

---

“Amanda!” He placed the order down on the counter, and a girl with black hair came up to grab it. “Enjoy!” he turned back toward the espresso machine, giving it a wipe down just as the door opened again; the bell ringing in the air.

He turned around with a smile, “Welcome to the Balmera Café!” His eyes fell on Keith, his heart beating a bit faster. It had been two months since the start of the semester. Fall was setting in more and his normal leather jacket was replaced by a baggy red and black flannel, a black hat on top of his hair. Two other men walked in with him, holding hands; he remembered seeing them all those weeks ago when he ran to find Allura to tell her about the cow.

Keith stopped showing up as much to the café since the day Lance drew the heart on his cup. Mauve Keith wasn’t that into him. He spent his weekends eating half a gallon of ice cream while Nyma went on dates with her guy.

“Usual?”

Keith nodded, stepping aside for the other two to order. They all sat down at the same table Keith sat at, pulling up a chair for the extra person. Lance watched them for a moment, Keith’s hands moving quickly in front of him, both the men laughing at wherever he was signing.

He focused on making the drinks, trying to stop himself from glancing over his shoulder just to look at Keith. He placed the cups on the counter, “Shiro! Order up, enjoy.”

He smiled at the man and focused on restocking the fridge. The bell chimed again and he closed the fridge door, grinning at the next customers. “Hey, guys!”

Nyma and Rolo walked hand in hand, Beezer walking close to them. He was skeptical of Rolo at first but they seemed good together and he hadn’t seen Nyma look so happy.

“Lance!” She dropped her boyfriend's hand and ran up to grasp Lance’s. “I passed my midterm!”

“Congrats! I knew you could do it!”

She reached up and pulled him in for an awkward hug over the counter.

He pulled back slightly, “free drink for celebration?”

She nodded, Lance quickly typed in her order as Rolo scanned the menu. He eventually ordered something with some uncertainty and Lance started working. He placed the drinks on the counter, “will you be home tonight?”

Nyma nodded as she took a sip of her drink, “late though, we’re going out to the movies! What about you?”

He rested his hands on the counter, ignoring the vibration of the phone in his back pocket. “Yeah, I’ll be in. Nothing for me to do on a Friday night.”

She glanced back at the table where Keith sat, turning back towards her roommate, “you could do him.”

Lance stuttered over his words, “Nyma! Stop!” His phone started vibrating again.

She giggled at him, wrapping her arms around Rolo's arm. “Well, text me if something changes, love yah!”

“Love yah too, have fun tonight you two!” He waved at them as they left the café, ignoring how the two older men were looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read. His phone vibrated again and he pulled it out of his pocket. Employees weren’t supposed to check phones on the floor but it never went off this much.

He answered the phone, intending to make it brief, he was the only employee in at the moment, Allura had a test so he didn’t want to leave the floor. “Verónica, ¿qué quieres?”

“Lance, es la Abuela.”

He nearly dropped his phone, his sister's voice was soft, holding back emotion; she only talked like that when something bad happened. She quickly briefed him on the situation and Lance untied his apron with his free hand grabbing his coat in the process.

“Voy a volver a casa esta noche, adiós.” He ended the call and dipped into Coran’s office. “Coran, my grandmother…something happened I need to go. Right now.”

Coran stood from his chair, “I can watch the café until Matt comes in. Keep me posted on what time you need off.”

Lance thanked him, he didn’t know how he ended up with such a relaxed boss and he turned to leave; rushing out the front door.

---

Keith kept an eye on Lance when that girl and other guy walked in. Maybe she and Lance weren’t dating considering she was all over the other dude. He tried to squash the hopefulness in his chest, but even Shiro and Adam were watching the interaction.

They left quickly, and he avoided his gaze so Lance didn’t catch him staring. He glanced back a couple of moments later, Lance was on the phone, his eyes widened with an emotion he hadn’t seen on his face before.

Keith wanted to ask him if he was okay, or make Shiro do it but before he could get Shiro's attention he had bolted out of the café.

Lance stopped showing up to work after that. Keith had started showing up his normal four days a week after concluding that he and that girl weren't dating and Lance left the café. Keith thought that maybe whatever happened would just be a week-long thing. But that one week turned into two and then three.

Keith paced in his room, his coffee cup on his desk; it didn’t taste as good as when Lance made it. He should have been studying but every time he tried to focus his mind drifted back to Lance. Why didn’t I give him my number!?

The lights flickered again and he turned his head, Shiro giving him a look of concern. ‘You okay?’

He shook his head.

‘Can I help?’

‘Find out what happened to Lance.’

Shiro frowned at him, ‘worried that badly about him?’

Keith fought the urge to throw something, ‘yes, yes, yes! You were there! He left in such a hurry and he looked so’ he paused to think if the right word, ‘worried.’ His shoulders slouched in defeat.

Shiro ran his hand through his hair, ‘Allura says that he’s dealing with some things. She wouldn’t say details.’

‘You talked to her?’

He nodded.

Keith took a deep breath, feeling more helpless than worried now. Shiro entered his room more and pulled him in for a hug.

---

Lance let his bag drop to the ground, immediately flopping down on his bed, Nyma had washed his sheets for him the day before. He was officially exhausted. A full month of doing all his assignments online, emailing professors about make-up exams, seeing extended family, saying goodbye to his grandmother, and helping plan a funeral.

He had barely kept in touch with any of his friends, somehow keeping Coran, Allura, and Nyma in the loop. He knew Nyma was telling everyone else how he was and he would get a lot of messages from everyone, none of them seeming upset he didn’t respond.

He really didn’t want to come back but his parents insisted, and he couldn’t take his finals online; even if they were five weeks away. Nyma was out for the night so he texted Hunk who was going to come over with comfort food and his favorite movie.

“Are you going back to the café?” Hunk asked as he took another slice of pizza.

Lance gave a small nod, “yeah after tomorrow I think.”

“Are you finally going to make a move on Keith? Show him what you’ve been learning?!”

“Maybe, I’ll see how confident I am when I see him again.”

He paused his alarm, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It was his first day back to work and he stood up, glancing out the window. There was a blanket of white powder on the ground, the first snow of the winter finally falling. Nyma was still passed out in her bed and he tipped-toed to their bathroom.

As he was finishing up getting ready his phone vibrated.

Princess <3: Morning Lance! Hope you’re feeling okay. Our truck got delayed due to the snow, could you possibly pick up some ingredients we need?

He typed his answer back, exciting the bathroom to get dressed.

Tailor: Just tell me what you need

Princess <3: You’re the best, can’t wait to see you again <3

He entered the nearest grocery store that was open early in the morning. Grabbing a cart and quickly gathered everything the cafe needed. He swung by the dairy section, grabbing some whole milk and Lactaid-free, freezing when something caught his eye. A buy one gets one half off for oat milk.

He grabbed four cartons.

He entered the café, somehow carrying all the bags on with his two arms. “Allura! Little help?”

She quickly came to his rescue, grabbing a couple of bags from him. They both quickly put everything away, Allura snickering a bit when she got to the last bag.

“What?”

She held up the half gallon of oat milk, “this wasn’t on the list.”

Lance felt his face burn under her gaze and cleared his throat. “I just thought the café needed a change of pace.”

“Uh-huh,” she put the cartons in the fridge.

The morning was slow, after all, classes were canceled and more businesses closed for the day. Lance was the only employee from a southern country so he didn’t question when Coran opened up during weather like this.

The bell rang and Lance bolted to the front, leaving Allura to finish decorating the cookies. “Welcome to the Balmera- '' He cut himself off, somehow grinning wider. “Keith.”

Keith started back at him, his face a bit unreadable, but he didn’t seem upset to see Lance. Keith pulled out his phone and typed something out, walking the rest of the way to the counter to show him his screen.

You’re back! Where were you? Is everything okay?

Lance looked back up at him, shaking his hands out a couple of times. He signed back ‘everything's fine. Just some family troubles.’

Keith released a sigh of relief, typing another message.

I hope everything is okay. Sorry about your family troubles.

Lance waved his hands in a ‘forget about it’ motion. ‘It’s in the past, but I’m back to finish up the semester.’

Keith nodded, starting to type another message before he froze, his head slowly turning upwards to meet Lance’s eyes. ‘You’re signing?’

‘Yes.’ Lance couldn’t help but chuckle at Keith’s opened mouth, wide-eyed reaction.

‘You always knew ASL?’

It took Lance a couple of moments to decipher what Keith signed and shook his head. ‘I started lessons over the summer. I didn’t feel confident enough to sign right now.’

Keith leaned back some, crossing his arms over his chest, looking him up and down.

Lance tried not to shift under his gaze, ‘usual?’

Keith gave him a small smile and nodded his head.

Lance turned around, writing a note on the side of the cup, and began making his drink. He reached into the fridge and sent a glance to Keith, who was watching the snow fall outside the window.

He quickly filled the line to the container with oat milk and slipped the container back into the fridge. He started steaming the milk, his palms sweating as he poured the drink into the cup. He took a deep breath and turned to place the cup on the counter.

Keith was still looking out the window, and Lance wasn’t sure how to get his attention. He thought about going past the counter and waving at him but he didn’t want to spook him. He grabbed his phone and turned on his flashlight, turning it on and off in Keith's direction.

He saw it reflected off the metal beam by the window and Keith turned back around. Lance turned off the light and pointed to his cup.

‘Thank you,’ he reached for the cup, taking a quick sip, glancing down at the cup once he was done.

Lance chewed on his inner lip, ‘is it okay?’

Keith nodded, taking another sip, ‘oat milk?’

‘For my favorite customer, and it’s on the house.’

Keith dug around in his pocket, pulling out a bright green slip of paper, ‘Here.’ He slid a crumpled-up piece of paper towards Lance.

Lance reached for the paper, watching Keith leave the café, his cheeks tinted red. He slowly opened the paper, Keith’s number jotted neatly in the center of it.

He found himself chuckling, Allura stepping to question his behavior. “Lance, are you okay?”

Lance held the paper out to her, “I got his number. I got his freaking number.” He looked back down at it. “I just put my number down on his cup.”

She grinned at him, “you didn’t.”

“Yeah…yeah, I did. I decided to take the chance.”

“And it looks like he did too.”

---

Keith allowed himself a moment to breathe once he returned to his apartment. His classes were canceled today and he found himself laying on the couch, his drink placed on the coffee table.

Shiro tossed a pillow at him, sitting down on a chair next to the couch. ‘Lance is back?’

‘How did you know?’

Shiro pointed to the cup, ‘Isn’t that his number?’

Keith shot up, nearly spilling the cup by how fast he tried to grab it. On the side of the cup, written in black sharpie. Hey I think you’re cute and I’d like to take you out. Text me if you’re interested 298- 841- XXXX <3

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he used his free hand to grab it. The same number staring back at him.

298- 841- XXXX: So, are you interested in a date?

----

Thank you for reading <3333

Chapter 2

71 notes · View notes

what-do-1000-swords-look-like · 1 year

Text

So I was thinking about this scene:

youtube

I've always talked about it from Dean's perspective (and sometimes from the Destiel perspective) but never from Cas'. I think the GA (and antis who claim this is a fanservice scene and nothing more) underestimate just how powerful this scene was for Cas' own story. The ILY aside, I think it's important to note just how full circle the angel's storyline came and how impactful that decision to include the bloody handprint really was.

When Cas first enters the story of SPN that we see (physically I mean), this scene happens:

youtube

Cas: "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."

Dean: "And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?"

Cas: "Good things do happen, Dean."

Dean: "Not in my experience."

Cas: "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved."

Dean: "Why'd you do it?"

Cas: "Because God commanded it."

When Cas first rescues Dean from Hell, he has been commanded to do it. He's following orders. They have "work" for Dean to do aka an ulterior motive. And as we see here, Dean as always, believes he doesn't deserve to be saved (which we find out why in this particular instance later) and that good things don't just happen which momentarily confuses Castiel.

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Dean: "Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?"

Cas: "Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to Hell. And we fought our way to get to you. Before you--"

Dean: "Jump started the apocalypse."

Cas: "We were too late."

Dean: "Why didn't you just leave me there then?"

Cas: "It's not blame that falls on you, Dean. It's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it."

Dean: "Lucifer, the apocalypse, what does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean?"

Cas: "I don't know."

Dean: "Bull!"

Cas: "I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you."

Dean: "Then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alistair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not--I'm not strong enough. I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me."

In this scene, it's after Alistair got out of the Devil's trap and attacked Dean, after telling Dean that he started the apocalypse by breaking the first seal. Cas reveals that the reason they went into Hell to rescue him was to prevent the first seal from being broken which would knock over apocalyptic dominoes. But they were too late. And Dean makes a good point: why didn't they just leave him there then? Considering what we know about how angels sometimes operate in this story, it would make sense if they chose to do something like that but Cas rescues Dean anyway. Which we know Cas was the one not only because he says it but also because when Dean is resurrected, we see this:

Which is further verified by what happens to Pamela when she touches it. She's able to communicate with Castiel directly (a la Amara with Casifer being able to connect to Dean but I won't digress) and we know her eyes burn when she attempts to spy on his true visage.

Now if we go back to the 15x18 scene above, we get:

Dean, Sam, Cas, and Jack are currently locked in a battle with Chuck and reclaiming their free will after they discover he's been the bad guy all along -> "Lucifer, the apocalypse" from 4x16

Dean and Cas are currently being chased down by Billie aka Death who is intent on killing Dean once and for all so he can go back to where she believes he belongs (and she had a plan in place to take care of Chuck and how Dean would play a part in it besides Jack and Sam) -> aka "Lilith's plan" & Alistair and Co getting Dean to break the first seal from 4x16

Cas is helping Dean to get away, rescuing him from what would have been a gruesome death -> Cas rescues Dean from Hell from 4x01 & 4x16

Dean feeling defeated when he and Cas are locked in the room (that has a Devil's trap in it btw) that Billie is trying to get into -> Dean telling Cas that they shouldn't rely on him to stop the Apocalypse & it's too big for him because he is suffering from guilt and self-doubt from 4x16

Dean: "Everybody's gonna die, Cas. Everybody. I can't stop it. She's gonna get through that door."

Cas: "I know."

Dean: "And she's gonna kill you. And then she's gonna kill me. I'm sorry."

If you take this dialogue and these two performances in this moment and compare it to the 4x16 hospital scene, you have a very similar event or theme happening here. The only differences are Cas' reaction (we see he is more greatly affected this time around which is due to their familiarity with one another and the development of their characters and relationship as well as the show evolving, season 4 was still considered to be the "horror show"), Dean while still hopeless is accepting of the inevitable & is not shutting Cas out. Instead he moves closer rather than looks away like he does in 4x16, letting out the one tear. Not that he wasn't vulnerable with Cas in 4x16, but the whole performance from Jensen while being different in its own ways is also quite similar to that scene.

While Cas saved Dean from Billie in the moment & warded the door to keep them alive that much longer (with his own blood but more on that in a moment), he comes up with a plan to stop Billie entirely that will save Dean but also cause his own death. Thus, he is going to rescue Dean while laying down his own life.

Cas: "When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him."

Dean: "You what?"

Cas: "The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, The Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever."

Dean: "Why are you telling me this now?"

Cas: "I always wondered when I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know...I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it."

Dean: "What are you talking about, man?"

Cas: "I know...I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken, your'e Daddy's blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, that's...that's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, but I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean."

Dean: "Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

Cas: "Because it is. I love you."

Dean: "Don't do this, Cas. Cas..."

Cas: "Goodbye, Dean."

Dean: "What?"

So not only does Cas address Dean's anger which has been a series-long issue that really was brought to the forefront the most it's ever been in season 15 (meaning the anger is fueling Dean's desperation which is now part of the main theme of the season), but he also saves him from his own personal Hell. While also setting Dean up to do what he does in the next episode when it comes to facing down Chuck and the decision he makes (along with Sam) not to kill him and give him what he wanted. What Alistair, Lilith, and Hell always thought he was. What their enemies (like Chuck) always thought about Dean. What he himself thought.

And the bloody handprint happens in the moment The Empty enters the room on one side and Billie breaks through the door on the other side (when the wards Cas put up in his own blood to protect Dean from Billie don't hold up anymore; yes, Cas used his own blood to protect Dean, the significance of that is just so...I don't even know how to put it into words):

Cas throws him against the wall, out of the way, so he can be physically safe from both supernatural forces. So he not only saves his soul so to speak, he also saves his life.

And what's important about this scene and the way it went down/was written is that while yes, it parallels how Cas rescued Dean from Hell, it also brings his story full circle in a very beautiful way (not just his relationship or profound bond with Dean). Cas chose to do this. He chose to speak those three little words to summon The Empty, ensuring his own death, but also confessing to Dean how he really feels with no expectations. All to save Dean.

So he did what he had entered the story to do in the beginning, but this time, Cas exercised his own free will to save the man he loved while also setting up said man to not only defeat Chuck but also to save the world. Something that Dean himself chooses to do while exercising his own free will (which is another reason why 15x20 makes no sense).

So that bloody handprint, whoever came up with it on the day or if it was in the script (I can't remember which), that was a moment of pure genius because physically it helps pull this whole scene and Cas' story together even more. Cas is commanded to save Dean from Hell, leaves a burned-in handprint on his shoulder. Cas chooses to save Dean from Death (and himself), leaves his own bloody handprint on his shoulder.

As much as I hated Cas dying for the longest time and I didn't understand why Misha was so happy with that ending for his character (despite the parallels), I now get it. Cas' story had come full circle. He exercised the free will that he had not only earned but was given when he changed thanks to knowing Dean, way before Jack entered the picture. That's development, folks. And it was exemplified in the most beautiful way possible. He got to choose when to summon The Empty and why. He got to choose to save Dean one more time but this time of his own volition (though I would argue he may have chosen to save Dean's soul pre-4x01 despite the latter having started the apocalypse). But this scene from beginning to end is HIS choice. The circumstances and time pressure may be present but he could have tried to find another way to get them out of there or he could have lived (because I don't see how Billie could have killed him, he's an angel and The Empty purposely wanted him to be happy and then collect him so even if Billie got all stabby stabby, The Empty would have probably sent him back because it wouldn't be satisfied), but no. He made the choice to utilize this deal that Dean knew nothing about in order to save Dean once again.

And sure enough, in 15x19 we see:

Chuck is defeated. Dean had his free will all along (as did Sam). Jack is now the new God, which also brings another portion of Cas' story full circle and he helped to bring about. While Dean obviously misses Cas, he is able to stand on his own and make this decision himself without Heaven or Hell whispering into his ear or trying to affect the outcome. This is Dean Winchester exercising his free will (that he never really lost like he feared which is also important for the whole John/Chuck convo that we'll save for another time).

So for those who say Castiel wasn't an important character in the series or in relation to Dean (or Sam or Jack) or that the 15x18 scene was fanservice or pandering, you are incredibly wrong. Castiel proved to be instrumental in not only Dean's story line (as well as the other two) but also to the ending of the mythology altogether as well as the end of the series. The end of 15x19 looks like the exact way it's supposed to (minus them planning to break Cas out of The Empty & calling up Eileen & Jack still hanging with his fam = Winchesters 2.0 getting a better and more sensical ending that they had earned, especially in relation to Winchesters 1.0). The way Cas exited the story mirrored the way he entered, with a few slight differences. And like I said above, that's called development and it was illustrated in the most beautiful way possible while also giving one of the original members of Team Free Will the earned right to exercise theirs.

#castiel #castiel meta #spn #spnposts #mentions of destiel #very slight #this is more about cas and what he chose to do #metaposts #spn 15x18 #castielposts

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