(This is personal post that is mostly talking about my frustration with my writing. Feel free to skip if you want.)

Ugh. I hate when I’m writing something and I can’t seem to find the words I need to make it sound natural and just… human. I have a bizarre way of speaking sometimes and when it makes its way into my writing it gets super frustrating to figure out how to fix it. Because how can I completely change the way I think and write??

And then there’s the thought that maybe my writing is actually just fine, it’s just my state of mind that’s the problem, making me see everything I do as terrible, since that happens sometimes. Where I will go through days of hating everything I’m doing, and I can’t tell if I feel that way because of something unrelated, or if it’s related to how godawful my writing is. I try my hardest not to feel like that, to tell myself that it’s fine, but when I get in one of these moods it’s so, so hard to make myself see it.

It’s even worse when the story I was writing was one that I was actually really excited about, the idea something that could have been really good if it was written by someone competent. But because of either my lack of skill in writing, or because of the weirdness in my head, it’s getting ruined and I don’t know how to make it better. And I just keep spiraling more and more, my inability to write properly affecting my mood, which then affects my writing more, in an endless downward spiral. But I still want to write, I still want to be working, but forcing it is making everything worse, and it’s all just…

Bad. Very bad.

.-.

grocery shopping

reading tbosas and witnessing all of tigris & coriolanus’ sweet moments just hurts knowing what would eventually be left of them 60 years or so later. this tigris could’ve never thought, in a million years, that she could resent her sweet little coryo so bad that she would actually let out a smile when a girl from district 12 told her that she was going to kill him. and this coriolanus could’ve never ever thought to abandon tigris, one of the only two constant people he had since he was a child, the one who had always cared for him and made him happy. this hurts, i hate that this hurts.

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

Trying to decide if I should reread just the sunshine court or if I should reread the entire aftg series 🧐

+ a bonus! (post-season 2)

part 5 (because i have to write a paper and i’m procrastinating). welcome back to “wren makes shitty gomens posts using her real-life actual text messages”

(Part 1)

THOSE SCREENWRITERS WANTED ME DEAD… I don’t know if I’m disappointed or relieved that some of these lines didn’t end up in the film 😭😭😭

Wouldn’t it be messed up if I drew the “is she your favorite” scene before I drew the “I can’t tell if it’s alright or not anymore” scene

ugh okay i get that toph is a) extremely powerful and b) rejects traditional gender roles but she is NOT a brute. her whole deal is that her earthbending technique isn’t like the mainstream approach of using sheer force to attack. the reason she beats the boulder so easily isn’t because she’s physically stronger than him (she very obviously is not!) but because she waits and she listens. that’s the whole reason aang decides to recruit her as his teacher. because she is uniquely creative, perceptive, thoughtful, patient, and intelligent. she enjoys fighting and she’s really, really good at it, she’s sassy, she’s forthright, and she delights in being kind of disgusting in a way she wasn’t allowed to be growing up, but she’s also empathetic, understanding, and vulnerable. by ignoring that you are doing a huge disservice to what makes her character so incredible in the first place. thank you

Hiiii I come bearing another OC design WIP, this time it’s YA BOY, the one and only protag boy (from this post!)

He’s a darkness/dragon elemental, the black on his hands and arms is permanent and happened due to an incident in his childhood. He was a bit self conscious of the way his arms looked at first but now he’s totally chill with it (and. When he uses his powers dragons scales sprout on his arms and glow and it’s sick as hell.) He is everything to me and I would die for him and he doesn’t even have a name. WHICH IS WHY I’m letting you guys pick since I’m settled on an “N” name but I’m indecisive <3

IV’s ‘new’ sun necklace has me feeling some type of way I won’t lie to you.

so many people have said that as you approach your 30’s things start to fall into place but I don’t feel that at all. the closer I get the more it feels that everything is dissolving and falling apart

really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).

TODAY ON NEVERMORE: LITTLE GUY GOES THROUGH THE HORRORS

*sighs dreamily* gwen and noah… cody and heather….. team e-scope…… raj and wayne……..

Okay I need to talk about death and specifically pet death and that’s not a thing a lot of people like to talk about but with old cat’s time left being unknown, I’m trying to make decisions and. I thought I knew what I was going to do but I’m second guessing it now so. I’ll actually use a cut this time so read on if you like, don’t if you’d not

I’m trying to plan ahead as much as I can considering I don’t know what’s going to happen and when. I’m hoping I can get another month or two with her but we’ll see. But I want to know what I’m going to do beforehand regardless so I don’t need to make any decisions in the moment

Originally, I was deadset on having her euthanized at home. Because she really doesn’t like the vet and then I don’t have to drive home all emotional and it just seemed like a good idea for everyone. I still need to call the place that does that and ask some questions but. I’m having doubts now

Her last 2 vet appointments actually went really well and she wasn’t nearly as upset as before (probably cause of gabapentin but. Can’t see why I couldn’t do that if she’s dying anyway. But she didn’t even growl or hiss, she did SO much better. So maybe she doesn’t hate it as much anymore? I’m not sure). But I know the vet still isn’t a place she likes to be so. I was thinking at home would be best for her

But at the same time. If it happens in my home, whether in her bed or on the couch or wherever… am I going to be able to see that spot as anything other than the place where she died? Am I going to be able to see this apartment as anything other than the place where she died? Is it going to make it harder for me to move on? And how will it affect new cat? Would it be better or worse for him to literally see it happen? And would doing it at home even be less stressful for her, given that they do need to set up the catheter and everything to deliver the medication? Or would she be just as upset even though it’s at home? Perhaps even more upset, as it could feel like a betrayal, a violation of her safe little home that she never expected?

And am I selfish for thinking about my comfort and my ability to move on when it’s the last moments of her life? Or is that reasonable, given I’m the one who has to live on without her? She always knows when I’m not feeling well and she comes and purrs on me - she doesn’t like it when I’m sad or sick or whatever. Would she, if I could tell her, understand if I did it at the vet given that she’s had a great life? Animals often can tell when it’s going to happen - will she know, will she forgive me? Would she prefer it that way?

But I still feel guilty for even considering doing it at the vet because I feel like I’m doing it for me and not her, though in some ways it might be the same or even better for her too. And there’s just no way for me to know for sure. But she deserves the best possible send off I can give her. I just. I don’t know what that is. And I know I’m running out of time to decide. And it’s also possible the time will come very suddenly and I won’t be able to arrange for it at home regardless, and the decision might be made for me

I don’t know. I know this is a highly personal decision and no one can make it for me. But if anyone has dealt with having to put a cat that dislikes the vet to rest and has any thoughts to add, I’d love to hear them. Or just any thoughts from anyone. I thought I knew what I was doing but the longer I think, the less sure I am