#THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL INSIDE MY BONES I CANT REMEMBER HOW IT FEELS TO BE ALONE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heeseongism · 2 years

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Can you do a mutual appriciation post pls?

Love your works ! Slay bestie 💪🏻💜✨

Ooh okay !! Im rlly bad at writing sappy messages tho so bare with me 😭 also im going thru my following list as im writing so this isnt in any particular order <3 also ty @sluttyenha for re-sending this ily

@foxdaisy MY PRECIOUS DAISYYY 🥺 notice how i said my daisy? Thats bcs shes mine so all of u hoes better back off, daisy should srsly have the Guinness world record for most adorable person in the world bcs my god shes the cutest 🤧 always so so supportive of all her mutuals and never has anything bad to say abt anyone, shes rlly reminds me of this one mutual i used to have on my old acc and it just made me feel so at home on this new blog <33 daisy rlly just deserves the world, she's just that one friend that you can always count on to brighten up your day 💕 i always look forward to the asks that she sends me and ngl i feel my eyes watering sometimes by how adorable she is :( we’re always active at different time but whenever we do interact it makes me rlly appreciate and love her <3

@sunghoonalter raven, oh god where do i start. raven first and foremost is my bae so everyone back off bcs she is MINE MY PROPERTY 🔪 yes i have claimed both raven and daisy deal with it (i may claim some of my other mutuals so beware) shes also my no 1 angst writer even tho i hate reading it bcs it crushes my heart but I'll read it for her ✋😔 honestly raven deserves way more than shes getting on this hellsite BCS WHY TF ARE YALL SLEEPING ON HER DAMN GOD GIVEN WRITING SKILLS?!?!?!? WAKE UP AND APPRECIATE HER FFS shes the cutest girl in the world with her bambi eyes and might i say beautiful lips 😩 also her humor >>>>>>> it makes me love her even more than i alr do. We may disagree on some stuff (her being bambi and sunghoon having tiddies) but i still love her nonetheless ! I hope ive made her tumblr experience just a little bit better just like she did with mines ❤

@hee-pster - jan my fellow girl boss and lifeline is by far THE LOVELIEST person ive met on this site and im not even over exaggerating. She was the first person i properly interacted with and she immediately made me feel so comfortable on her and ilh for that 😭 she rlly deserves all the praise and love that she recieves bcs shes just such a kind, funny, and bubbly mutual who im proud to call my friend :( shes also hilarious and i love how we can both match each others energy, shes such a beautiful person and i just know shes beautiful on the outside too 😔 we wouldnt be able to handle a face reveal 💔 i rlly do love her, so much that words cant explain how much she means to me, I'll always try my best to be her supportive moot 💕 I hope she always remembers to take care of herself bcs life can be an ass sometimes <3

@jaylaxies aria aka the president of coochie clenching smuts AKA MY QUEEN 😩 WHY IS NOBODY ON THEIR KNEES BOWING TO HER FEET RN??? She is just so so hardworking and i rlly admire her for her perseverance despite all the obstacles she faces on her blog. Shes such a gorgeous person inside and out and shes still so humble even after gaining a massive follwoung which makes me love her sm more. Shes just one of the ppl who im extremely proud to call my friend bcs its not every day you meet someone as amazing aria, shes a rare gem fr 💕💕 I want to give her the world and to protect her from all the hate but sadly im merely a 19 yr old with multipe deficiencies and couldnt fight for my life without shattering my bones. However i hope that my love and affection can help her even if its in the tiniest way possible. Shes honestly one of the sweetest ppl ive met on here and i always look forward to her posts and when we interact :(

@end-hyphen MY LITTLE 5'2" GENIE IN THE BOTTLE 🧞‍♀️ ik alot of ppl say this but genie rlly is just like a big bundle of sunshine and she never fails to make my day whenever i see her in my notifications :( literally a free package of positivity like WHAT DID I DO IN MY PAST LIFE TO DESERVE BEING BLESSED BY SUCH A WHOLESOME HUMAN BEING ??? We haven't been mutuals for very long but i rlly hope our friendship can last for a very very long time bcs tumblr would be so lifeless without her, the happiness would literally be drained out of my tumblr experience ngl 😭 im always looking forward to when we interact and just seeing her interactions with other ppl on my dash makes me so happy that theres still sm positivity despite all the hate anons ew,, genies rlly is just a beautiful person both inside and out and i wish her all the happy things in life!

@jaysbiceps amy or should i say my angel in disguise and by disguise i mean KINKY LEATHER CORSET,, i legit never wouldve expected someone as sweet and GORGEOUS as her could be this sexy but im loving it. Amy is probably the person i dm the most on here, and shes just the cutest most adorable mutual i could ever wish for. Shes so supportive and is always checking up on me which i appreciate vv much, whenever i say i love her i rlly do mean it. I love our talks whether its abt being horny or screaming abt random drama she never fails to make me laugh even if im having a rough day :( She deserves all the love and happiness in the world and i hope she doesnt have to deal with nasty anons anymore bcs or else i will personally go to their house and drain the happiness in them and then gift it to amy.

@shu-ramyeonz shu is... chaotic to say the least... BUT SHES MY CHAOTIC BAE (another one added to the list hehe fight me if u object) I love how she always acts so friendly with ppl even if its the first time they've interacted she acts as if they've know eachother forever nd have gone thru 5 divorces together 😔 I admire her sm for her confidence and positivty despite all the haters in her inbox who hve nothing better to do. also she looks exactly like a pinterest girl THE ENVY UGH 🤧 anyways i love her sm she's always hyping me up and complimenting me for no reason whatsoever which never fails to cheer me up 💕

@hwxnghyynjin BILLIE MY HANDSOME BOY, firstly can we just appreciate how god damn sexy he is bcs the fact that there isnt a billie visuals appreciation day where we all cry over how hot he is doesnt sit right with me 🤨 billie is a mutual of mine from my old acc so we go WAYYY BACK and i can't think of any other mutual i would rather have find this acc (well technically i told him but who cares) he is the cutest bean ever and his smile is so so so so precious it just lights me up inside hes so cute sjakhska :(( someone stop me im fangirling anyways billie is just the light of my life rlly and we dont interact much nowadays but i still feel so comfortable with him which is a huge thing for me. I just love him 😭

@lunarxsun luna is the cutest most adorable most precious person to exist istg words cant explain how hard working she is, i rlly hope one day she gains the recognition she deserves bcs her ocs are SO GOOD 😩 shes always so positive no matter what the haters say and i love that abt her. She's always coming into my ask box to give a little hello and i rlly appreciate it so so much, she's always thinking abt those around her and u can tell she genuinely loves her mutuals, shes such a good person and im manifesting with her that she meets her future husband at the COOL club ;)

@clelevanters tala is an angel that was sent down by god for being too horny and i will stand by that statement 😤 she rlly was blessed by god with those stunning visuals and stunning voice too?? Apparently she sings and im crying bcs i haven't heard her heavenly voice yet 😭 shes such a positive bundle of energy and i love when she randomly pops into my ask box simping over enha or the dark moon characters sjsjsksj tala also shares my pegging kink ugh could she get any better. Shes yet another one of my mutuals who i just wanna protect with all my might and also the fact that shes younger than most of us makes her so babie :( enhablrs babygirl me thinks

@polalvsjy MAE IS THE HUMAN PERSONIFICATION OF COTTAGECORE ISTG SHES SO SOFT AND CUTE except she listens to chase atlantic- shes one of the most beautiful person ive seen im not even joking. She gives off HUGE golden retriever vibes and its so adorable 😭 literally jakes soulmate in my opinion. She's also extremely talented LIKE FIRST SHES AN AMAZING WRITER AND THEN I FIND OUT SHE CAN SING LIKE AN ANGEL, DRAW LIKE PICASSO AND DANCE?!?!? God truly does have favorites 🤧 i always look forward to seeing her on my dash and in my inbox <33 i feel like it’d be rlly nice to just have a picnic with her and talk abt anything bcs shes so easy to speak with <3

@forjongseong NANA IS LITERALLY MY SOULMATE ATP HER MUSIC TASTE IS CHEFS KISS SHE ALSO LISTENS TO MAYE TOO SO LIKE 😍 once again a very very very talented mutual of mines,, her carmesi series OH MY GOD SHE MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH THE SECRETARY!JAY AGENDA. We actually dont interact as much as it feels like we do bcs i just feel so comfortable with her and i love that abt her, i love how shes such a kind inviting person and also extremely pretty too might i say 👀 shes adorable and her love for jay is even more adorable skjndk i always look forward to seeing nana on my dash and i hope we can become even closer!!

@drunkjaked SAX IS ALSO MY SOULMATE STFU she introduced me to kehlani and i’ll always love her for that 💕 we also havent interacted much but it feels like shes a lifelong friend whenever we talk with eachother! Shes such a talented writer and im proud to be mutuals with such a sweet and funny person such as her. I hope that in the future we can become closer friends and i hope she takes care of herself <33

@donghoonie-3 AVERY MY LOVE istg describing how precious they are is impossible, i always love seeing them interact with other ppl on my dash, and HE ALSO SHARES MY LOVE FOR SUBBY HOON 🥹 the best sub!hoon blog on here imo. I dont have much to write bcs we dont interact much but i truly do love and care for them <33

@hee-pot @vivvys @robyncore @4hsng @thots4hee @softforqiankun @amourhee @svnoohe4rts @muffinminnie @criceofpain @blond4enha @sluttyenha @taekookstiddiemilk @nyanggk @valley-of-lies @2minbin @heetro @pandorasblogbcuzican @tfwheeseung @yunskies @jinfie-lvr ILY GUYS I RLLY DO BUT WE HAVENT INTERACTED ENOUGH FOR ME TO WRITE ANYTHING 😭 but i srsly do love u all equally and i hope we can interact more in the future mwah <33 also if i missed out any moots the same goes for you guys

#anon :3 #ask box ! 🖂#only those who were active a few weeks ago know the hell i went thru when writing this up 😭

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holyghostspirits · 5 months

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YOU ALWAYS KEEP ME COMING BACK FOR MORE

SO MANY FACES IN THE WORLD BUT I WANT YOURS

THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL INSIDE MY BONES

I CANT REMEMBER HOW IT FEELS TO BE ALONE

AND WHEN YOU CALL MY PHONE LATE AT NIGHT

ANTICIPATION ALWAYS BURNS ME UP INSIDE

#odd post #having normal time

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dabislittlemouse · 10 months

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Let's get into it then. I'll try to tread carefully. Let me know if im overstepping boundaries. Lately I've noticed that I get way too involved with the lives of fictional ppl. I mean we all do to some degree, right? That's why we're here on your blog, cuz we love Dabi but I'm wondering if it's unhealthy. I don't have many ppl in the real world that I'm particularly close with so I suppose I use fictional characters to fill a space inside me im missing. When I watch a show or read a book where the characters are going through it it literally effects me like im watching my own loved ones struggling. It effects my mood, triggers my depression. Somedays it feels like i don't even want to get out of bed. I don't want to face the real world. I struggle with crippling anxiety so bad that I cant handle when ppl brush my shoulder or stand too close behind me. My skin crawls and bones feel like their shifting beneath my skin. I've always been bad at handling social interactions, I think that's why I cling onto fictional characters. I can love them from afar. I can put my whole heart and soul into loving them but not worry about the social aspects that I struggle with. I cant talk to them, I can't touch them. This person will never hurt me, their not real.

(Sorry if this is too much. Just wanted to talk, not make you uncomfortable.)

-🐺

I get what you mean, I used to be like you too until life forced me to go out there, get a job, and in a way or another meet people and have social interactions.

It’s not a bad thing to seek comfort on fictional characters, I encourage it because its better than to be hurt by someone in real life. And we love them as if they were real, and our feelings are valid, thats why we get upset when something happens to these characters, because it’s not that we just like them, we literally love them. Not everyone puts their whole heart and soul in a fictional character like we do, and that is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because we have a source of happiness no matter what happens, our fictional hubby is there for us. And a curse, because we completely escape reality and one day life will throw us out there and we won’t know what to do.

But it is best to think it that way, if something bad happens to that character which will affect your mood since you’re deeply attached to him, then you just remember that he is not real. None of it is real. Which means, you can also create your own reality with this character, something different from canon. If this character dies for example (well thats a hard one to get over it), i think its best to create your own world with a different ending, maybe write a fanfic, or draw something, or just discuss it with someone. After all, just because its creator said “this character dead”, doesn’t mean you can’t create your own fantasies where he survived. Because it’s in fact unhealthy to get heavily affected by a character’s tragic story, I’ve experienced it too with Dabi, literally crying whenever something bad happened to him.

I’m a maladaptive daydreamer and I tell you, I used to constantly daydream just to not face reality lmao. And I still do. But I noticed that just like you, I didn’t even want to wake up in the morning in the following day. Didn’t want to do anything and my mental health was worsening because I was used to staying in my own world, in my comfort zone with my fictional hubby, that made it so hard for me to actually go out in real life.

But in a way or another I got over it, now I can both manage real life and my daydreaming, I don’t let it consume me because if I do it again I just know it will ruin my life. It sucks to be an adult, but its part of life now, I’m not a teenager anymore and I gotta go out in the real world and learn how to survive.

Though your case seems a bit more harder than mine, because anxiety wouldn’t be this severe on me. I highly suggest you see a therapist that might help you to overcome all of this, because anxiety is a real bitch.

You don’t have to force yourself for any social interaction, people drain you out sometimes, and I’d rather stay alone than be constantly social with people. I just get tired quickly and I’d rather just talk with one good friend that I’m close with. Do you have internet friends? Maybe you can start by making internet friends, before you go out there and make irl friends which can be more intimidating since you gotta see them in real life etc etc. I don’t have many people irl close to me either, just one friend.

I don’t know how valid my response is but this is my perspective on it. My therapist said that this will all pass one day when I told her the same thing, that I don’t have to force myself to stop thinking for this character just because it’s unhealthy. It will all go away that’s what she said (well not on my watch I’m not letting Dabi go)

#B’s inbox🦋#🐺anon

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clubatsumu · 2 years

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we used to share his tiffin when he hurt his knee and missed clubs. he hated missing sports it but i spent mornings with him talking about everything. now we say hi to each other in the hallways and he's seeing past me. i'm too boring for him, i've realised.

loll i just feel like crap lately 😔👍 how about something with sunarin? i remember u had that romcom series (deskmate suna?) with him n i just need.. a pick me up? sorry if i spammed. love ur stuff tho!

this took an awfully long time lol. hope you feel better soon. the situation youre in is nuts lmao i cant even imagine being in your shoes SO this is all i can do to help and i hope this makes u feel a tiny bit better :)

"it's the retrograde." you nod, closing your eyes and leaning your head back the cheap fluff of the infirmary pillows, the thin scratch of its lime green pillowcase.

suna rintaro is sixteen years old, and he's never heard of that word in his life. he blinks up at the ceiling. "the... what?"

“the retrograde. it’s why you’re so”-- you motion at his body with your eyes– “off-kilter.”

“the gatorade?" he questions again.

“retrograde, genius. it’s when mercury looks like it’s going backwards in its orbit, because it's, like, faster than earth, which makes us think the world is going backwards. it messes up everything.”

you are replied to with nothing but a doubtful, “sure.”

it smells like disinfectant and the cheapest detergent in the store. there’s nothing but the soft hum of birds outside the bright infirmary windows, the whir of the rickety ceiling fan, and the pasty almost-summer morning breeze until –

“my parents divorcing can’t be because of mercury.” suna sputters, topic hanging heavy in the air.

it's almost comical, the way he does it. everything is comical with him, on a scale so small it’s almost microscopic. the way he says the most ridiculous things. the way he knows the most ridiculous things. the way he has the most ridiculous assumptions about girls.

he’s kind of ridiculous, and not just in the intrinsic way sixteen year olds can be. his brand stretches further, and without real rhyme or reason, you’re sure he’ll be ridiculous twelve years from now.

“then what else could it be because of?” you ask, wide-eyed. “don’t forget your twisted ankle, your concussion, and the four stitches you need on your hand. the only good thing is it isn’t your right.” you shift so that you’re leaning on your elbow, body twisting until you’re facing his bed while you occupy your own right beside it. “what could possibly explain your life being this much of a disaster?”

he shifts defensively. “jeez, it’s not a disaster…” he trails off though, because it kind of is. bodily injury is one thing now that pro teams are scouting, but his mother cheating on his father is another separate, larger bag of bones for him to unpack.

fun.

“good thing i don’t live at home, eh?”

you hum, knowing he lives with his aunt here. come to think of it, you know a lot of things about him ever since… well… ever since – look, you’re not proud, but the only reason why you know each other is because the two of you have constant aches and pains… or so you say. you know you’re lying everytime you clutch your stomach, stagger inside the familiar sliding doorway, and say to the nurse, “i’m not feeling so well,” and she rushes you to a bed and gives you a painkiller pill you don’t drink.

your stomach aches at exactly 2 o’clock, geometry period.

the first time the two of you met, it was when you were already lying on the cot, scrolling through your phone, your mouth playing with the menthol candy you bought from the cafeteria at lunchtime, hugging your pillow. minutes later, from outside the curtain separating you from the world, the doors slid open again, and a voice said, “migraine,” before the cot next to yours got occupied with a boy-grunt and sigh.

the cots are separated by these semi-sheer-kind-of-not curtains, and when he opened the one between you, you saw suna rintaro for the first-ish time. you’ve seen him around, sure, but the two of you had separate everythings. to be honest, he wasn’t the kind of guy you’d be friends with. something about him radiated very strong woman-hater energy, at least to you. maybe it was the dark undereyes or that he hung around the twins. everyone knew that the twins weren’t fun to be around unless you liked your underwear being pulled up your asscrack.

“sorry,” he said in a voice that was exactly what you imagined it to be. “thought no one was here.” then the curtains closed with a swish between you.

“did you know my grandmother is a shaman?” you ask him now. you tap your fingers on your stomach in a steady rhythm of the radio jingle.

“do you know how to… do that stuff… you know, like the praying? dancing?”

“yep,” you pop the p. “i’ve been training since i was a little kid.”

“that’s nice.”

if the attendance logbook was in the infirmary, you and suna rintaro would be star fucking students.

you saw each other all the time, and like a liar recognizes another one, the two of you kept making excuses that were more desperate than the last. it evolved from a headache to a toothache to i feel like my appendix might burst, nurse, but i swear, i don’t need the doctor, i just need to rest here for a while and i think i have an ulcer.

there is always a war on who gets to have the bed nearest the window. so, in camaraderie maybe, you say: “my grandma would tell you to let things happen. problems are like waves. some are huge, some not so much, but all waves are impermanent. if you ride all your waves, it won’t matter whether you fall of or stay on top of them, you’ll still end up in the water.”

he blinks, you see from the corner of your vision. his body’s dancing subconsciously to the beat, his bicep flexing from the way he’s reaching up the pillow under his head to hug it. “is it because she’s a shaman? she’s so at peace?”

“it’s because she thinks no one is worth her time. she chased her neighbor with a fork, once.”

that earns you another blink. “you’re kidding.”

“i’m not." you snort. "i’m really not." you admit, "my parents are divorced too, that’s why i live with my grandma.”

“how’d that go?” “i get two presents on my birthday. i have step-siblings on both sides, but i think all of them want nothing to do with me, which is fine, to be honest – i don’t like them all that much either. it sucked at first. i was ten. but then… their life is theirs, mine is mine. they can do whatever the fuck they want with it.”

that sounded way angrier than you intended it to be. you’re sure he notices, if his “huh” is anything to go by.

“well…” you admit, “sometimes i’m still angry. but whatever. nothing we can do can stop it.”

“yeah. we can’t stop it.”

his words are measured, like he’s already somewhere else and only a fraction of his attention is on you. you hum, “can’t control it.”

“can’t control it,” he repeats.

“do you ever get scared of how out of control everything is?”

“no.”

of course he doesn’t, you roll your eyes. the jingle fades, and a commercial about a hardware store comes on. “i thought so.”

“life’s a wave,” he says. oddly, you think you helped.

“life’s a wave,” you repeat.

“ohayo.” he salutes you in the hallway. you’re a class ahead of him, but you’re really not much better in the student rankings. the two of you are in the same tier, sit in the same proverbial table of nonchalant students that don’t really plan on going to a fancy university or being an alumni success story.

“hey-o.” you offer a fist, which he bumps with his own.

suna is your kind-of friend.

a friend you talk to about things that don’t revolve around sentences like is this cute? i swear, tampons are way easier than pads. what about my hymen? do you think a tampon is as big as a dick?

you love your friends, truly, with all of your heart, and these conversations are fine. but you and suna talk about –

“what if pewdiepie stops uploading videos?”

– which really isn’t better than your girlfriends, but…

none of them hate geometry as much as you do. you answer, “you’ll probably shake and throw up and have the sweats. go through withdrawals.”

“true,” he agrees. you know he’s playing said channel on his phone. you can hear it because the only setting his earphones are ever on is blasting, so you hear his english drawl from a cot away.

you rub your socks back and forth the sheets like a snow angel without snow, nothing else to do.

“what are you gonna do in the future?”

he never asks about the future. you’re not sure the word is really in his vocabulary. after that talk about life being a wave, every minor inconvenience he was met with, you’ve heard him mutter wave, wave, life’s a wave – so no one can blame you if you think he plans on being unemployed.

“i’ll be a cinematographer.” you pause, surprised. “wow. that’s the first time i’ve said that out loud.”

you have no clue how that came out. you haven’t told anyone about it, just made them believe you’re still figuring things out even though you already had, since you were thirteen.

“oh wow.” is his only reply. you want to retract it suddenly, that piece of yourself you’ve shared only with him. it’s funny how he didn’t even try, and yet – he knows your secret, and he doesn’t even know the gravity of it.

you bite your candy. “you think i can’t do it?” to be honest, you sometimes think you can’t too. there are a lot of people in this world, and what kind of special do you think you are to hold the place you want? fucking suna.

“nah. i just didn’t think you liked movies.”

“i do. i just don’t talk ‘bout them to anyone because…” you trail off lamely.

he casts a glance your way. “you don’t mean, like, a cinematographer for… porn… right?”

you tilt your head deeply, frowning.

“just making sure.” he waves a hand in the air, as if to waft away the discomfort. “what kind of movies do you like?”

“dunno. the usual. hitchcock. nolan. scorsese, but i don’t like goodfellas all that much.” you frown more, not knowing what he’s going to say next. he’s probably going to say ah, and change the topic. you shift in your cot, embarrassed to be talking about this – you already have and no one really gets it the way you do, they all just say ah and move on. it’s a waste of time, really.

“i like psycho. i like the birds more though. don’t know why. so, you're gonna be like hitchcock? like, suspense shit?”

oh, your mouth parts.

oh wow.

to be completely honest, you didn’t expect suna rinataro the transfer student to be the one to tell your deepest darkest secret, and there was an even lesser expectation that he’d understand. something sparks inside you. something akin to appreciation for him, that the stars collided and put his soul into a vessel of bones and blood and skin, delivered him right beside you in the infirmary of inarizaki high.

you blast him a brilliant smile. “no. not at all! i want to make stuff like yasujiro ozu.”

suna tells you tokyo story made him feel so lonely that he couldn’t finish it. you nod enthusiastically, talking his ear off about how there were so many lines that encase the characters in the frames that they seem to never be able to get out, does that make sense? how singularity is the root of interpersonal struggle?

he looks at you funny, with a huff to his nose, a tilt to his lips, no, it doesn’t.

on a wednesday, the door opens again, but it’s not his voice that wafts up the air, into the brrr of the fan, the static of the low radio drama that the nurse is listening to.

it’s miya atsumu that says, “i think i sprained my wrist.”

you try to quell the disappointment blooming in your chest.

the next week, the nurse resigns. rumor has it that she’s moving to the states with her american boyfriend. the new nurse who replaces her doesn’t fall for your headache rouse, and neither does she fall for the appendix excuse. the moment you say it, she looks at you gravely, saying without having to say, you try that shit with me and your grandmother’s hearing about it.

you attend geometry class for the rest of the year.

when you and suna pass each other in the hallway, he looks at you sourly, and you understand. you mimic it all back. no more infirmary for the two of you.

when you turn seventeen – when everyone who was sixteen turns seventeen, really – the relationship between you and rintaro gets threadbare. like a shirtsleeve seam that’s being rubbed everywhere, time maybe, different interests, different groups, all compound to the friction that creates the heat that separates the two of you. but unlike heat, nothing is remarkable about the way the two of you stop talking. you just… do.

you and suna are kind of like tokyo story. within rooms, looking in through doors, but never out of them.

an unremarkable relationship marked by an unremarkable end.

you meet the old nurse – the good nurse, the nurse who understood that students shouldn’t sit through geometry if they didn’t want to – again when you are twenty-eight, scrambling for the subway in new york, not knowing shit about the stops. you’re carrying a tripod in your arms, a sling bag full of camera equipment secured across your body.

nothing’s changed about her, except maybe the appearance of a few white hairs near her hairline that weren’t there ten years ago. she tells you, “i remember you,” and suddenly you are a student again, even though you haven’t been for a while. you smile at her politely, thinking it’d be weirder if she didn’t, seeing as you were in her clinic almost daily.

“you used to have short hair.” she says.

“ah, yes, that’s right.”

she narrows her eyes, “and you used to come in with that boy. you and he were chatterboxes, weren’t you? yapping all the time with each other. are you keeping in touch with him?”

it’s been a while since you thought about him, but without a slither of a doubt, you know she’s talking about suna rintaro. “oh, i haven’t talked to him for a long time now. how have you been?”

you look around the cart, seeing a burst of color. there is no monotony here, but somehow, the individualism creates a sense of comfort, a sense of safety knowing no one cares if your hair is firetruck red. they're all reading their books, scrolling through their phones, listening and looking far away. only you and the old nurse are in the cart.

“the same. i’m surprised to see you here.”

“for work." you admit. " and only for a year, and then i’ll go back to japan.”

“ah,” she says, looking at the flickering light above. then she starts gathering her things. “it will be my stop soon. it’s good to see you.”

seeing the nurse was a prophecy, your grandmother would say. or at least, a prelude to something. because when you come back to japan, not a week later you see suna again.

he wasn’t a missing piece – not the way your best friends would have been if you’d lost touch – but still, there’s a deep seated longing in your bones that hits you so forcefully when you see the side of his head again. a kind of time loop that reverts you back to when you last talked, a nostalgia for all the years that passed, for something you’ve forgotten and recently remembered.

you’re in a hospital emergency room. for an ulcer.

the curtain opens, and there he is. a flicker of surprise mars his features for a second before the nurse closes the curtains again.

you shift in your bed, wondering if that was really him. it can’t have been.

the curtain opens again, the sound of metal on metal, and all the questions die in your throat.

“hi,” he says to you.

you manage to give him a smile. “hello.”

“how are you?” you don’t remember him to be this enthusiastic when you left high school. you have a feeling nothing’s changed, and this anomaly is caused by your sudden reappearance into his life. you know the feeling well.

“i’m okay.” other than the ulcer. “you?”

“great.” other than the obvious cast on his foot.

“what happened to you?” he asks. he's still ridiculous, nothing has changed, you think in awe.

“ulcer,” you reply. “or so they say. you?”

he lifts his left foot. nothing prepares you for what he says next. a wry smile. “mercury retrograde.”

it’s probably karma that landed the two of you here after so long, in an actual emergency room. still, you can’t help but feel that this is a beginning, a proper one. picking up an open-ended sentence and starting a new page.

#suna x reader #suna rintaro x reader

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ahopelessromanticwriter · 1 year

Text

i have another mb list

note: adam is the drill director, cole is the music director, jon is the pt instructer, carly is drum major :)

theres lots of swearing, sex jokes and crude humor, read at your on risk.

"ref femington" "f remington?"

"do u think mr gessel is here" "mr gaslight??"

"carly ur killing it as drum slayjer"

"onest"

"i come from a drum major growing farm" "did you grow on a tree" "i did"

"i am going to get humoungus shoulder bones"

"why are tou fingering my trumpet"

"do what i say not as i mean" "waot no"

"brain brain brain brain says yes i can okay"

*cries in reed wall*

"i got a dimple bc i got hit by a truck"

"blessinfs of the flying spagetri monster"

"do the rhing"

"nate was like i talked to Micheal after we stopped being friends bc he didnt choose jazz"

"dick and balls"-mason

"it looks like a jail"

"by the double doors-" "dumbledore??"

"where the fuck did my phon-" "WOAH THERE." "on the stage?" "watch ur fuxking mouth"

"grant cant be rushing the trumpets to the field while toris takin a smoke break"

"colby does my music inside my bell look sexy" "hot"

"kachow?" "KACHIGGA"

"was bernie sanders in dci"

"do as i mean not as i say"

"if you summon a demon you must make thrm a sandwich" "im wanna be a demon so people make me sandwiches"

"EAT FOOD OR I WILL SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT ANYWAYS"

*metranome noises*

/uh/ "tqkes me back" "wHAT" "STORYTIME?!"

"in the beginning, there was cole lobdell"

"are we not allowed to have fun" "AbsoLuT lY nOt"

*nods to george laying dead on the ground* "he does that a lot, doesnt he?" *nods*

"mellos stop showing off"

"stab wm like oj" "alledegy"

"are you dancing to the abulance siren-"

"you guys are starting to sound like a decent mb" "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

*look9ng at uneven lines* "those lines are straighter then me"

"was that dupposed to be british sxottish or Australian?" "good question"

"theyre both boring" "exCusE mE dId yOu jUst dIreSpEct oUr nAtIonAl aNtHem"

"we need to slay harder" ".. yes that"

"why do drugs when sprinkles"

"i hope that you achieve your wildest dreams neighbor"

"jon is mean sometimes neighbor" "jon is really a terrible person neighbkr"

"ill venmo you my soul"

*cries in hardware store*

"i want to kiss a woman" /whispering/ "yea"

"you cant be late if adam isnt out here before you are" "that is a correct statement"

"aAron" "what" "shut up" "no i will die on thr british hill"

"oh blimey its adam"

"oh poppycock its the razzers"

"wer we gonna slat the whole way" "mercilessly slaighter"

"slay target queen adam" "target princess"

"forkcus- oo forkus- FOCUS"

"/chucks shoes across the field to show a better demo/"

"you better slay bitches"

"can we talk for a minute abt the strange journey of the word dope-"

"we should build a wall and make jazz 1 pay for it"

"im gonna need an algebraic expression for ur straightness"

"the queen is being reincarnated as trisha payatas kid"

"i am sorry for bringing the vibe down"

"#slaying"

"wait yOU ARENT STRAIGHT?"

"is that gonna be a slack channel-"

"bring the beat in" "ANYTHING FOR YOU BEYONCÉ"

"we are taking the hypetrain to slaytown"

"phillip the metranome boi"

/addy with a sousa/ "colby do you think it fits me?" *aggressively shakes head no*

*aggressively yell counts* "how do you guys FEEL"

"do you like men or do you like women" "yes. /silence/ wAIT-"

"#do not drag #slay #swag"

"im sure its important info but youre hearing THE SOURCE"

"im sorry i neglected you" "remember when cole neglected us? pfft. loser."

"shes giving dead but shell alwats serve; june, probably"

"and without further adue the hmb present the national anthem" "from memory" "from memory" "with skyrim"

/skyrim ambiance/

"that is not a joke it is just straight facts"

"did you feel good abt listening to us ballade"

"im not even white lying" "are you saying youve done that before"

"see if we shame them enough shame becomes fear"

"cheese grater 2.0!"

"mom alex is being kinky"

"you are only half a woman"

"see so i have a kink for men and /blank/ has a kink for women" "it cancels out"

"see so i dont like children and i dont like sex so no more sex no more sex no more sex"

"i want to get mentally better so men can hit on me so i can get mentallt better"

"i dOnT hAvE thEm dAnG proNounS iM an AmerIcAn"

"i forgor my pronouns"

"ladies lads and non binary chads"

"oh by the way /blank/ im sexist now" "nice"

"hi im sexost" "gello felloe sexist"

"sarah i dont think ive ever heard you say smth as relatable as "im going to eat smth flr my mental health""

"a wood made of reed" /couple seconds/ "wAIT-"

"just march brass and then youll never have that problem" "respectfully no."

"not to be political or anything but honosexual... is kinda gay" "woah"

"activate yoyr slat switch"

"trumpets" /dramatic pause/ dayummmmm"

"colby do you agree that john loves balls"

"if i see another person climb a fence i will be a very sad boi"

"learning the rest of the salad'

"loop doop doopity loop doop"

"well /pause/ if the sparkplug fits"

"colby did you like my trill" "i was not... mentally prepared for it"

"wait no it was a del taco" "fre sha vac a do"

"i am not touchin yalls sweaty ass hands'

"/takes addys hand/ /knees down/ "queen? /gasp/ /sniffle/ i do" /arron plays the beginnings of careless whisper/

/in the middle of a rep/ "FUCK"

"what the absolute fuck is that every time i look over here you two are doing whatever thr goddamn fuck that is what even-"

"so like vocal ideA: snares sing the first verse of i am a gummy bear. like i think its actually a really good idea"

"that was very intimate" "uH *confused straight noises*"

"sarahs just laughing at us"

"like cockwork" "tee hee"

"aldom"

"remy!" "yea?" "you have been promoted to stick boi"

"me when split squat"

"START AT T OKAY ONE TWO SPILL THR TEA"

"tue ghost of george was playing a beat early"

"tenors one of yoy is coming in early" "YEAH GEORGE" /george is not there/

"adam hancock is draco malfoy" "POTTAH-"

"I LOVE FB" "MEN" "I LOVE MEN" "T E S T O S T E R O N E "

/dutdut dah daht/ "sports"

"they locked us out of the school :("

*plays careless whisper really loud and scream sings half of the lyrics over loud band noises*

*spontaneously plays half of 7 nation army with only bass line as an entire band*

"sorry me and cole have like 0 brain cells combined-"

"nobody leaves until weve falcon prided"

"ate my grandma ans call my daddy oat lawd"

"i beg of thee to pls unlock thy band room door"

"guys omg were still winning"

"prep step on god"

"imagine flirting with the drumline" "imagine not flirting with the drum line"

"bloody stumps on the yard line"

"you ever just look at drum line and are like w o a h" "are you calling me sexy" "i mean-" "I MEAN-C

"thanks queen" /over speaker/ "hashtag slay"

"yo team that was hashtag slay"

"are they really homies if you dont kiss rgem goodnight"

"band ten slay"

"if you do that i will be sad boi hours"

"see im supposed to give all my organs to carly but you can have my balls"

"shhhh i like phillips legs"

"where did stick boi go he forgor his stic"

"not only will i go against your wishes i will go thr complete opposite direction"

"talk less!" "...smile more" "dont let them know ehat your against or what your for?" "you cant be serious" "you wanna get ahead?" "yea" "fools who run their mouthes off wind up dead" "STOP QUOTING HAMILTON"

"if you dont stop i will slay you with a spear"

"I A M F I R S T" /but said like i am spartus/

"jesus christ-" "you called?"

"i have a social life during marching band"

/gasp/ "adam!" /gasp/ "aADAM"

"mw when fruity"

"bro im goung on the second bus"

"WAIT IS YOUR VOCAL BAD ROMANCE WAIT"

"adams head just swung open and out popped out colby thr drum major so no he did not grow on a tree"

"oh dear the contible you must find yourself a place to hide"

"you blew my wig off"

"i need a will to live" "same i think theyre 23 cents at 7/11"

"ngl i didnt see that correctly and i thought colby and jon were holsing hands"

"its like a bunch of bb birds" ..kinda gross lowkey"

"you can decline but idk why you would liek honestly get ur life together"

"hey bandits c:"

"its a conga line" "but like an intimate conga line"

"jack you look- .. i was gonn say hot but im nkt sure if thatd allowed"

*sad band hours*

"yo that was cRISPY"

"a little curvy is okay" "a little,,, fruity,,, if you will "

"guys their show is twitter" "that is an interesting show name"

"YO THEY MADE A TRIANGLE I LOVE TRIANGLES" "personally i like potatoes"

"i think we should have a band get to tegther where tougrt kicked out if you dont make xomments on everything"

"guys at the end of the show you should light me on fire" "like in a cute way"

"I REQUIRE MEN"

"cole do you feel at home in the choas kf marching band" "yea 😌"

"you ever just throw a colby in ur carly"

"ill be the colby to your carly"

"drunk driving best driving'

"work harder, not smarter"

"sax section vocab section"

"sax section smoking section" "sax section SOBER SECTION"

"gay eighth notes"

"sax section consenual sex section"

"mr lobdell do you want to babysit adams kids"

"cwrly whar are you doung to natilias hands" "shes gently caressing them"

"have them make it into a jif and send it to you" "its gif" "i will fight you"

"I am first" "i will slay you with a spear"

"thr whole band is in a polygamous relationship"

"-my man tights-"

"we should go back to confederacy and the whole bus goes WOAHHHGG-"

/walks up/ "perry the platypus is a slut" /walks away/

/during a band performance/ /several peopl/ "CIRCLE DRILL???"

"bro look at those sexy feet theyre so in time"

"yo why is the sun on dark mode"

"i got shaken baby sydrom for real"

"i strongly suggest that all of you go sit in thr bus snd take a nap"

"that was a certified my bad"

"sup baby gender"

"top of the toe"

"when i grow up i wanna have a kid and name him georg" "name him what"

"bro you just got tondID"

"badasslesauce"

"heres an idea: bring edibles" "W O A H T H E E R E "

"cosmic brownies are crack cocoaine"

"anything for the good of the order?" "slay" "actually slaying is against the law"

"when she puts the 7th over the 5th uts just really heartwrenching, it is"

"two dollars for any coffee at mcdonalds were gonna get liIiiIiiTtt"

"girl is he rich thats the real question men objectify us so we should o jectify them"

"slay bitch"

"miss slayness-"

"bro i slayed in 78 better then anyone slayed in 84"

"flip phone is the new asians"

"we should kiss" /silence/ "no response?"

"she made fun of dom- which is respectable but-"

"i think i would understand you better if you were speaking spanish" "you would understand me if i was a lesbian"

"stab it like ceaser" "allegedly"

"adam can we go fraterinize with the other tubas"

"DO IT AND ILL LEAK THE OLD SPICE"

"sex more like cringe stay virgin boys"

"do you like meaty balls" "OH YEAH"

"SHUT UP GIANNA NO ONE ASKED YOU"

"you look like kurt coban if kurt coban was logan"

"its cold but its like crisp.... newbury"

"i just sucked up all of laurens diseases- do you have aids?"

"yo wheres the candy id like to accept candy from strangers"

"im gonna go home and- make out with my mom"

"SARAH SHUT YOUR BALLS"

"sax section jiggity section"

"noah for person"

"so we like draft people for mb-"

"step one: kindly ask them to stop. step two: curse at them. step three-" "hold on can we go back to step 2 i like step 2-"

"mason how do you like your men" "logan" /blows kiss/

"im cold" "hi cold im logan"

"and you all slay with logan"

"ash stop gently caressing me with a leaf"

"now you have a little leaf hat :D" -tori

"what does period blood taste like like would it taste different"

"saxes!!!!! sexiessss!!"

"sax section make out section"

"sax section sex saxtion"

"STICK BOI WHERE ARE OUR STICKS"

"i got out cuz i wanted to kiss grant"

"we should go get milk ans then we should go to lexs house and make out"

"im sorry i spaced out and heard sneaking out and doung drugs"

"no mom i swear im not sneaking out and doing drugs im going to a jazz festival"

"if that does not work, Joshua quintana's feet would be a suitable replacement"

"sax section toris section"

"max" "doo do do doo do doooo" "jUsT sAY hERe"

"what was discontinued?" "ur mom" "OOOOHHHHHHH"

"when you tell someone ur having a baby ur badically telling them IM HAVINF SWX EVERY DAY" "im sorry what"

"what are yoy high on" "ur mom" "you look like someone whod be high on their mom"

"sax section sleepover section"

"sax section geocash section"

"idk maybe i have foodborne illness disease on my hands" "that sentence made 0 sense"

"color gaurd obama be like lemme be gear"

"attendence obama: let ne be here'

"gay obama: let me be queer"

"DATE MICHELLE OBAMA"

"ur literally just making out with her leg"

"sax section cuddle section"

"bAcK in My dAy we dIdNit nOne oF thEm daGnAb PrnoUns"

"up two boogaloo-"

"ill give you both 5 bucks if you kiss rn"

"we might not be thr bret band vut we will always be the most radioactive band"

"yknow with all the singing you guys do during marching band youd think youd be better at it-"

"love at first kiss"

"mr lobdell really said i support the gays"

"have you seen logan shirtless hes a mermaid"

"what is up my original gangster"

"jesus was homosexual"

"the hdmi is powered by love"

"check that you are connected to the correct wifi w t f mates"

"hes a google fanboi"

"POW right in the kisser"

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six40seven · 1 year

Text

September 16th

I woke up outside and i dont know how i got there. I was somewhere far in the woods, so far that it didnt make sense for me to be able to go all the way out there without shoes on. I had my phone on me and its was empty of pictures. Which makes no sense, i can SEE the picture i posted, I posted and i responded to people and... You saw the picture? I… dont remember taking any of them. I dont remember anything from last night. Not even a dream. I dont remember,, who i was talking to. But i can see i was talking to someone, someone asked me if it was real. It IS real. But theres something wrong about everything.

I was so cold. My fingers were bone white and my feet were scrapped and scratched. It felt like it was snowing, i thought there would be snow but. The snow. The snow wasnt real. There’s was no snow last night. It was just cold. I walked back home. What else was i supposed to do? No cell service and nothing to do other then go back home. My feet are rubbed raw. I am sick. Niki was gone for work. Or she didnt come home last night… Its not raining anymore but the whole world has been at least 20 degrees colder then the last few days. It really weird. Everything feels wrong.

I went inside. I dont know what time. I dont remember checking the time on the stove. I should’ve. I should’ve checked the time. I wish i had the pictures. They have time stamps. Everything’s off. I’m kind of freaking out right now. even though im home, it doesnt feel safe to be home alone. But i dont want to have to explain to my sister why im not at school and why my feet are bleeding and why it looks like im about to have a nervous breakdown. She’s too busy.

So i got home. I got home and i locked all the doors. I had to. It felt weird to not lock all the doors. I dont want to stand in the living room with the trees, just out there. I love nature, i love the forest but today something feels so wrong. I thought i had stopped sleepwalking years ago. Why is it happening again? Im supposed to grow out of that type of thing. Its fine. Everything’s fine.

So now im sitting in my room. Ive decided to tell Niki i went home early. Today shes supposed to drive me home. But she cant if im not in town at all. I texted her at.. noon? Yeah. She said she would bring chicken soup. I’m going to tie myself to my bed tonight. After she goes to bed. I dont want to wake up like that again, alone, looking up at the storm gray sky with only my thin pajamas on. No memory of how i got there. I cant.. this was supposed to stop. I was supposed to be okay.

Im okay. Im okay im just. Im mad. Yk when something is supposed to be in the past comes back, it always fucks you up. Its fucking me up right now. I dont usually curse but i just. Im sick.

Im goign to read a book. If anyone knows anything. Please let me know..

#sleepyspeaking

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fuckandfable · 5 months

Text

forever I wander, forever I stray

I think I need more time away. I feel old behavior creeping up inside me, that now looks very much like a demon.

You know. Red face. Yellow eyes.

It’s negative six degrees. The air moves through my clothing. Through my skin. Through my muscles. Settles in my bones. Making me a cold bitch ready to fight. I don't have energy to fight so I will stand my ground.

what do I need in this moment? I dont know how to answer that. all that I know is that this feeling is going to try and exhaust me. I do feel like I need to cry. I knew this was going to happen. I was going to be disappointed but, because I expected this, I am prepared and I dont take it personally.

I'm tired of writing about this. I'm tired of it consuming me, I feel like my last resort is having to walk around like a zombie until I'm alive again.

I need me right now. I need all of me, not just some. I dont need anyone to complete me. Remember this. Remember this. Remember this. fuck, please remember this.

fuck I am angry. how do I get rid of this? I dont want it. I want to cry because I can feel ir, I can feel the scream getting bigger, louder. when I am silent, the air sounds like tv static. what the fuck am I sad for? NOTHING. absolutely nothing. nothing. nothing.

honey he lost you. honey, HE LOST YOU. now, keep finding you.

ive had enough of this emotional tourture. I cant be there. I just cant. I need more time away. I need more time carrying the cross.

I can do this. I can handle myself. I can ape myself back in. I am so sick of being inside my fucking head, I'm so sick of being inside my fucking head. take me to my body, take me to my body. How do I get there without forgetting my head?

no one can help me but myself. there's too many things yelling at me. I hate stifling whole am so that small men can avoid discomfort. he is a small man. everything about him is small. fuck no. I'm not doing this maiden thing again. NO FUCKING WAY.

get the fuck up. youre a witch. for god sake, you are an angel.

he is small and pocket sized. he has never given you what you have given him, and he never will. bury it. bury it quickly. bury it as evidence that he won't change. stop believing in the wrong people sis. Call me self righteous , but I say that I just really believe in myself and dont know it. I need to start speaking as such. acting accordingly.

I have my mind focused on what I want. I will not betray myself this time. I will not run. I will act accordingly. I know no fear. I know of no fantasy with you. It wasn't real. It was all dreamt by lust. It was all just a brainwashing. A dark psychology experiment. there was never any love. there was never any reciprocated love. and do I say this because my standard hasn't been met? maybe? but at the time did I have self standards for self? Hell no. Hell no. This time I do. and we will not be sining below those standards. I'm not surprised.

so what do I need?

to keep moving like a fucking queen. to stand and move by my own two feet. cutting through it all like some unholy blade.

yes, unholy blade. get the fuck out of my way. get the fuck out of my head. get the fuck out of my body. this is my body. this is my mind. I tore down your alter months ago. you stupid fucking prick.

rot in hell. oh, I forgot, you already are. burning in the flames of my phoenix, you only allow me to continue to rise.

I wish I had a women like me when I was growing up. well actually I have her now, so better late than never to show up for myself. it's about fucking time. bitch.

-x

#diary #tumblr diary #diaryposting #personal diary #poetic #writeblr #writing #girl interrupted #rot in hell #i fucking hate you

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justcallmedust · 1 year

Text

For the past couple weeks I’ve been rewatching Bones from the beginning, currently at the start of season 6. First of all, I did not watch this show as much as I thought I did. I can follow the general arc through each season but did not watch every episode as I ‘remembered’.

So I’ve had it on as background noise while crocheting or doing other things within earshot of the tv and the husband - while he likes the show - keeps making comments about what a bitch Brennan is. I’m over here like, wow I can totally relate to her. I can understand looking at things in a factual/biologial fashion and not allowing myself to feel any sort of way about it. The character in the show is clearly an exaggeration of this personality type, though I’m sure people like this exist I have never known any. It’s kindof nice to feel represented in a way, and I appreciate the factual and realistic way she works though things - it makes sense to me. But to hear my husbands view of it, you would think she was the absolute worst woman alive.

One of the things I love about this show is the outpouring of love and friendship the characters express toward eachother - even though that part seems so unrealistic to me. I often find myself wondering if there are people out there that feel this way about eachother - like, is ‘love’ like that real? Only twice in my life was I aware someone had feelings for me and both times I noped the fuck out of it - without even realizing thats what I did. I often wish I could go back in time and fix the first one, though I dont think it would make that much of a difference in my life. I would just like to feel that feeling again, and know I was ok and could trust someone. That person would never have made me feel less than human while pregnant or caring for children - I might have had the oportunity to experience the joys people talk about with pregnancy or babies. As it is now, even seeing a pregnant person triggers my fight or flight.. and forget babies crying.. I cant. Obviously this is moot, we will never have the option to time travel. I will likely never even leave this state again. Who has money to travel?

I wonder though, about feelings and how I would have been if I didn’t experience certain things in life. I firmly believe that people don’t change, circumstances change opinions and reactions but inside we are always who we are.

But like, what if religion did not have such a tragic and horrible impact on me? Some people find real strength in religious communities and can weave those stories into their lives to be happy and feel loved forever.

What if I had not been sexually abused? Would I enjoy sex? Would I trust people? Would I just know that love existed?

Or was I born disconnected? I often don’t even believe I belong in this reality.. did I always feel that way or was I shaped into this waste of life?

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rosejustrose · 2 years

Text

(for context i’m considered curvy, i have decent leg muscle and im lean elsewhere but not stick thin ) Warning... this is all over thee place..

so in order for me to feel sexually attracted to someone i have to feel an emotional connection first right? but its not everyday you have a chance to form a connection like that.

well a coworker that has been sweet talkin me n stuff and making my panties drop......... LOL. saw i walked into a (small) area of our work place he was in and something happened right before i came in that lead him to start up a convo w/ another coworker about how he hates hearing when women say they're fat bc “like shut up you look so good??” and it went silent after that. i was minding my business. he then stands beside me against the countertop and starts up the convo again with the other guy and began talking about how much he loves curvy girls and how you really cant go wrong with them. he was saying things that felt very personally directed but i didn’t bat an eye. he said if a girl is too skinny he wouldn't prefer it bc if she looks like she can be picked up by one of his arms (hes also like 6′3 and got a medium build) he doesnt want it bc that would mean she's just skin and bone. i left without saying anything..

but... that actually made me feel better about my self concept?? like i have a habit of thinking im obese bc i dont look like, for example, my Chinese friend thats so skinny and tiny and gorgeous and looks so cool in her outfits (and shes pregnant now but still looks like that ??)... and i want to enter an industry where i have to be thinner than i want to actually be perceived as.

now i didnt tell the whole story and everything he said but he didnt talk as bad about thin girls as it can sound. my thing is not that i feel better bc he put skinny girls down... i feel better bc he talked about my body in a way that made me understand its appeal and the genuine interest someone can have in it... i still have skinny arms and wrists, its mostly my thighs and very upper arms im concerned about. (and my torso but only bc again its not as small as my Chinese friend who probably measures 18in waist.

the point is that this guy has helped me heal a lot of shit i didnt know i could heal until he showed up but i dont think he knows the effect he has...hes definitely not good for me, and i couldn’t deal with his attitude ieven if i wanted to.

but hes so sweet, and caring, and like a big warm grizzly bear, and he talks to me in a way that helps me remember to put myself first and that as tough as i wanna be theres really just a gentle girl inside wanting to rest and feel safe...

for so long i thought my toughness blocked out my sweetness and true self from shinning through but hes proven to me that its right on my face i just have the right idea. and that makes me feel good bc... i feel like i dont have to keep trying so hard to make people see the good in me anymore... its there...

Like i said.... hes not in a positionin his life for me to date him... but I would love if my partner made me feel the same good things and more this guy has made me feel.

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dsmutp · 3 years

Text

Learning Curve (C!Charlie Slimecicle x Reader)

Teaching Charlie was a delight.

When Quackity had put you up to the job, you hadn’t been too sure about it. Teaching someone how to be human (whatever that entailed) seemed like more than you had signed up for when you had become a resident of Las Nevadas - just imagining long hours of helping someone learn the intricacies of human life made your head ache. But Quackity had insisted, and you really had nothing better to do.

Three months into the job though, and you were quite attached to Charlie.

He was a wonderful student - eager to learn and bright enough that it never took him too long to grasp new concepts (though, as with any student, some things came more naturally than others) - and an even more wonderful friend. It was amazing how a sentient piece of goo (though it was really hard for you to think of him like that anymore) could be more kind and caring than half of the actual people you knew.

You were pleased to say that Charlie had become quite fond of you as well. Though you were only supposed to spend six hours a day with him, oftentimes you wound up just spending your days together, wandering around the unfinished Las Nevadas after you had completed his schooling for the day, talking about whatever crossed your minds. Charlie was always eager to hear stories from your day to day life, and the amount of history he had seen just from being around for that many years never failed to make you gaze at him with wonder.

It wouldn’t have been a stretch to say that he had become your best friend.

You certainly liked him enough - that goofy smile never failed to brighten your mood, even on the worst days, and though the slight fluidity of his skin had been off putting at first, through the amount of daps you shared, you had gotten used to it - come to enjoy it even, something that was uniquely Charlie.

For all his wonderful attributes though, there were still some times that you got a little exasperated with him.

“Nope.” You sighed, watching as his arm bent the wrong way again. “You can’t just bend the joint that way, Charlie, that’s not how bones work.”

“But you said to hit the lever behind me..?” Charlie asked, righting his arm again.

“Right, but with humans, remember, the joints don’t bend all the way around because of the bones.” You reminded him. “Just because your body can bend that way, doesn’t mean mine can.”

Charlie nodded slowly, but the confused look was still hovering in his eyes.

“Do you want to go over joints and movement again?” You asked.

Charlie smiled sheepishly. “Yes please.”

You stepped forward, extending your arms. You had done this exercise a few times before, just to help Charlie learn which body parts worked together and which joints moved in which directions. It was easy for him to forget though - his body didn’t really have limits to movement, being slime - and he had a bad habit of just throwing human joint movements away in exchange for what was the most easy at the time.

Charlie placed his hands on your elbows, and you bent your arms, letting him feel how the joints moved and worked. “See? One way.”

“Right.” Charlie said, nodding now. His hands moved to your shoulders. “But these ones go all the way around?”

You rolled your shoulders, moving the ball joint in a circle. “Correct.”

His hands wandered down to your wrists. “Same as these?”

You rolled your wrists, nodding.

From there, Charlie’s hands found your hips. “But these ones only go forward and backward.”

“For walking.” You said, nodding. “They can go out, a little - nothing too far though.”

Charlie nodded, his eyes wandering over your body innocently. The first few times you had done this with him, you had been a little uncomfortable - it was strange, to be treated like a scientific model, slightly slimy hands running up and down your skin, asking what each of your joints and muscles did. But over time, you had gotten used to it - Charlie was only curious to learn, after all, and you were more than willing to help.

A hand over your crotch startled you, and you broke out of your train of thought, raising an eyebrow at Charlie. He only blinked at you though, saying, “You never said what this part’s for.”

You closed your eyes, steeling yourself. You had known this day would come, eventually - sex was a large part of human life, after all. You didn’t really want to be having ‘the talk’ with a sentient piece of goo that you had come to know and love, but you supposed it had had to come at some point.

“It’s for sex, Charlie.”

Charlie’s eyebrows shot up. “You have a stripper pole on you?”

The comment was so out of place that you couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “What?”

“A stripper pole.” Charlie repeated. “Like the one in the casino? Quackity said it was for sex-”

“No, no.” You said, cutting him off, still laughing. “Sex organs Charles, for the actual act. They’re part of basic human anatomy - everyone’s got some.”

Charlie’s eyes narrowed as he nodded, and movement under his pants caught your eye - the fabric shifted and pulled until it filled out a little more - like his very skin was reshaping itself to include what you had just told him.

It was then that you realized that Charlie might be the answer to every sexual fantasy you had ever had.

---

It didn’t take much convincing to get Charlie into bed with you.

You had always known that he had had something of a puppy dog crush on you - just from the way that he hung on your every word, even when you weren’t teaching, and followed you around like a little duckling. You had stopped yourself from doing anything about it though, telling yourself that it would be wrong, that he was your student - but those sentiments had faded the more time you had spent together outside of the teaching.

They were completely gone now, as you tossed Charlie’s pants over the side of the bed. Though you were both naked as the day you were born, he was perfectly comfortable, sprawled out on the pillows like he owned the place.

“So, again,” He started. “You want me to put my dick inside you? But not detach it? And thats sex?”

“The basics of it.” You said. “Simple stuff, really. You tell me if you don’t like it though - I don’t know exactly how it’ll feel for you.”

Charlie nodded, arranging his arms underneath his head with a smile. “I am ready to sex.”

You laughed as you straddled his hips, gently wrapping a hand around his cock and aligning it with your hole, just pressing his tip against your entrance. “Promise you’ll tell me to stop if it feels bad, okay? Just because I wanted to try this doesn’t mean you have to suck it up for me.”

“Promise.” Charlie assured you. “I won’t pretend to like it just because you do- hhh.”

You sank down on his cock, reveling at the feeling - there was almost no stretch as he entered you, the slime of his body simply moving like a liquid, filling out your insides completely without having the painful stretch around your entrance. Every nerve ending in you lit up at the contact - the slime filled every space without pushing too far - Charlie’s cock had molded to you completely, hitting all your spots without even trying.

“Wow.” You breathed, placing the palms of your hands on Charlie’s chest. “This is- wow. How’re you feeling Charlie?”

Underneath you, Charlie was in a daze, eyes glazed over as he stared at some point past your shoulder. His mouth moved, but only a long string of syllables came out - more like a moan than any real words.

“Descriptors, love.” You prompted, shifting to place your hands on either side of his face.

Charlie let out a breathy whimper, his hands finding purchase on your hips, squeezing the skin there. “Good.” He said. “Very very good, uh, sort of tingly? And warm? I-I don’t really know words for it…”

You smiled, caressing his hair. “Good.” You said. It was good to know that it felt pleasurable for him - you weren’t quite sure how slime anatomy worked, and if human sex was something that he would enjoy, but now that you knew it felt as good for him as it did for you, you had no intention of holding back.

You began to rock, slowly, rolling your hips over Charlie’s and letting his cock begin to rub against your walls. Charlie’s fingers dug into your hips more as his breathing canted upwards, instinct taking over as he bucked up into you a few times. You welcomed the movement, using the momentum to fuck yourself down on him harder, savoring the feeling of him running over your nerves, lighting you up from the inside.

Charlie let out another whimper, and you leaned down to press a kiss to his lips, still keeping your hands framed gently around his face. Charlie kissed back eagerly, releasing his little whimpers and moans into your mouth now, the hands at your hips moving up to your lower back, holding on for dear life.

“You’re doing so well.” You cooed, feeling that familiar coil begin to tighten in your gut. “You’re a natural, Charlie.”

“Really?” Charlie said, a grin overtaking his features. His slimy complexion really didn’t allow for a blush, but you could see the flushed pride just in his expression.

“Really.” You gasped out as a particularly good thrust made your head spin. Your hands fell from Charlie’s face as you instead buried your face into the crook of his neck with a groan, rolling your hips down with more intensity now, chasing your orgasm. Without the painful stretch in the beginning, you were reaching it so much more quickly now - though it probably also helped that Charlie’s cock had become a perfect fill for your insides too - leaving no nerve ending spared.

“Mmmm.” Charlie tipped his head back as he moaned, lips pressing together into a thin line. “It feels different now.” He said, voice shaky. “Bigger, I think?” He tried.

“That’s supposed to happen.” You said, speeding up your thrusts, for both your sake and Charlie’s. You were getting to the brink of orgasm now, the pleasure making it’s way all the way down your legs and to your toes. It was only a moment more before you were shaking with it, the rolling of your hips slowing as you rode out your high.

Charlie groaned underneath you, tipping his head back into the pillows as the slime inside you rippled, the sensation making you moan at the strangeness of it. You hadn’t really known what his orgasm was going to look (or feel) like, but you hadn’t been expecting that.

For a moment, you just laid there, head still tucked under Charlie’s jaw as you both caught your breath, just feeling him breathe.

“That was pretty fun.” Charlie said. “It felt weird, but good weird.”

You sat up, rolling off him to sprawl out on the rest of the bed, his cock sliding out as easily as it had gone in. “Glad you liked it.” You said, letting yourself stretch out into a boneless heap. “For your first time ever, you were really good, Charlie.”

Charlie beamed at the praise, and you pressed a kiss to his cheek. You were definitely going to be doing that again.

#charlie slimecicle smut #mcyt smut #mcyt x reader #dream smp smut #dream smp x reader #charlie slimecicle x reader #slimecicle x reader #slimecicle smut #dsmp smut

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crimsonophelia · 3 years

Note

request! OKOKOKOK BUT LIKE--- can i have some headcanons on how xiao would react to his fem!s/o cumming almost instantly because his pp (i cant say the other words its funky to me sorry TOT) slammed into her wombs entrance?? How would he react when she begs for more?? Creampie?? Size kink??! Boobes!!!!!!?

Sorry ,,

featuring: xiao x fem!reader

warnings: nsfw under the cut: 18+ only, creampie, overstimulation, afab reader

published: june 7, 2021

form: headcanons

a/n: ohoho, no need to apologize, my anonymous friend. ive been waiting for a spicy request and i thank you for being the brave soul enabling me to write absolute filth. i hope i did your request justice~

i think the way this scenario ends is entirely dependent on what point in the relationship you and xiao are in

i personally headcanon xiao to be very submissive, but he will definitely start to feel more adventurous the longer he is with you and tries out new things with you

sometimes he gets in a certain mood—perhaps he’s been too worked up throughout the day, or something is really bothering him—and he gets the urge to let out some of that pent up frustration

when he asks you if he can take the lead tonight, youre a little surprised at first. youre typically the one taking care of him, using your hands and mouth to give him pleasure, while he is the one rewarding you with his beautiful, delicate reactions to your treatment

however, youre never one to turn down an opportunity to try something new, so you acquiesce

xiao is nervous because initiating isn’t something he does often, in daily life and also in the bedroom, so he tries to remember how you take care of him

he starts out by kissing you, the safe option. his lips are a little clumsy, endearingly so, but with your guidance, he’s on the right track.

he’s a big fan of tongue, he’s honestly 80% tongue which can be a little daunting, but you know him so well at this point that you move perfectly in sync with him

after a long while of making out and building up confidence, you both are panting heavily, and xiao can feel himself getting a little hard, the friction between his clothed cock and your underwear making him even more desperate. you and both are of the understanding that he wants to be taken care of, even if he’s doing the heavy lifting tonight

xiao is a straightforward person, never one to beat around the bush or equivocate in any way, something you rather admired about him. in a similar way, he’s just the same when going down on you. not particularly vocal, only speaking up once in a while to make sure you’re feeling okay

after endlessly tracing the outlines of your pelvic bone, xiao finally pushes your panties carefully to the side, revealing how wet you are for him, dripping down the sides of your thighs. he doesn’t say much, although his eyes do widen a bit, feeling a little daunted perhaps

“can i?” he asks you, and you understand his few words perfectly. you give him a confident nod, already growing wetter by the second purely out of anticipation.

xiao then slides a slim but dexterous finger slowly into you. your breath hitches—so rarely do you feel his hands inside you, when it is most often the other way around. you can tell he’s a little nervous, but you make sure to moan louder than you usually would, encouraging him to proceed

he then inserts a second finger into you, not going very far, partially due to how small and slim his hands are, but mostly due to how impatient he is to get to the main act of the show. xiao’s fingers gradually become more confident, scissoring lightly against your entrance, making sure youre loosened up, whilst pulling light, heady moans from you

you yourself are already getting very needy at this point, feeling so empty after his two fingers leave your hole. xiao certainly isnt one to keep you waiting though, as he soon after pulls down his own pants without much ceremony, exposing his lower body

now, xiao is a pretty small guy, and it works in his advantage in his line of work, considering his extreme agility. however, he’s packing a very decent size, bigger than you’d expect for someone of his slim stature. youd have seen his cock plenty of times before by now, but you’re always so taken with how it fits xiao so well—elegant, slim, and slightly curved

he once again looks you in the eye for permission, sweat already beading his brow. with your affirmation, he pushes his head against your entrance without much hesitation, causing you to almost yelp in surprise. it felt so different when you were the one being caged in underneath, instead of on top, riding your boyfriend

gradually, he pushes in further and further without much resistance, your abundant slick being all the lubrication he needed. each second felt dragged out, until you were wondering how much deeper his cock could push inside of you. seeing it was one thing, but feeling it inch inside you, bit by bit, was something entirely different

despite xiao only entering you minutes ago, you were already on the precipice, a pressure building up low in your hips and in the top of your head. he was completely in a zone of pure concentration, eyes transfixed at the entrance of your cunt where his cock was currently buried inches deep inside, probably not even noticing how your moans had already turned into desperate wails of his name

he was now completely sheathed inside of you, the tip of his length nudging right against that spongey spot in your walls that made you see stars. you couldn’t handle it anymore, you never thought being on the receiving end would feel so exquisite

the room filled up with your needy whines (“a-ah! x-xiao, baby, please, please hurry... come on, faster—hn! h-hahhh!”) and his wordless pants and groans, as be began to hurriedly pump himself in and out, savoring the tight squeeze of your walls

each pump drove him harder and deeper, until xiao was literally hitting your cervix with every thrust of his narrow, little hips. your legs began convulse and bend involuntarily, and your hands grabbed on to xiao’s forearms for purchase, you managing to moan out, “hnn babe, i think i’m gonna c-cum!”

xiao looked bewildered but extremely turned on, and began to thrust even faster, the lewd squelching of your slick mixed with his precum fueling your buildup even more. before you knew it, the pressure in your stomach snapped, and you let out a wailing cry, back arching off the bed like a woman possessed

the sight was absolutely intoxicating to xiao. he could feel his cock twitching even more violently, your screams of pleasure driving him towards his climax as well. with a few more deep, violent thrusts against your cervix, xiao had cum deep inside of your cunt, so much that it began squeezing out around his cock at your entrance

no, but he didnt stop there. he needed more—the feeling of being in control of his and your pleasure was addicting. he kept thrusting, even if there were tears building up around the corners of his eyes, and his grunts had long since turned into needy whines. crying out for you, over and over (“a-ah! y-y/n, you feel so good, hnn... please!), his moans turned high-pitch and nearly incoherent. he was determined to overstimulate the both of you until you both came again

and so he did. you held on to his forearms, this time him coming back down to slip his tongue into your mouth again, as the juices from his previous endeavor leaked out all over your thighs. before long, you both had come again, him spilling another load inside your already full cunt. you notice xiao had tears staining the edges of his cheeks and his eyelashes from the intensity of it all— he always was the more sensitive one in the relationship.

xiao was exhausted. you wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes as he collapsed at your side, pulling out and leaving a big mess on the bedsheets. you would take care of that later. now, you wanted to take care of your boy. you told xiao a series of “i love you’s”, and before long, he was fast asleep beside you.

a/n: thank you again for requesting! im always down to write smut hehe

#genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin x reader #xiao thirst #xiao smut #xiao x y/n #xiao x reader #xiao fanfic #xiao headcanons #xiao imagine #xiao genshin impact

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oh-for-fic-sake · 3 years

Text

The Detectives Den

Masterlist

Summary: walter take you to a cabin for what you thought was a romantic weekend, but he has an ulterior motive afterall mateing season is just arou d the corner~

Warnings: Adult Situations +18, Smut, rough sex, primal sex, male dom, werebear Walter, Mating, Breeding, Turning, Noncon Bite?, claiming bites, soulmates, au shifter

A/n: so here it is! The were bear i started months ago and abandoned but picked up again today because of this post. Typos ahoy!

Taglist: in reblogs

You cried into the matress clawing desperately unsure if it was an attemt to help the huge male above you, or tryingmto escape him. For some reason since being here at the cabin he seemed different? Instead of being your huge soft teddy bwar he was wild, dark and growly both at peace and on edge. It was like he was now this big bad bear of a man, growling and strong all macho 'chop wood and start fire'

You grunted as he rutted harder almost fucking your hips pff the bed sending your feet scrabbling on the wooden floor, your socks sliding on the smooth wood.

"oh god~ sl-slow down! WalteAGH~" you cried out pressing up onto your elbows and stamping a foot on the floor grunting. Walter snarled into your back almost viciously before pressing an open mouthed kiss to your back lappjng the salty skin. He growled feeling his inner beast beat on his own restraint. The beed to uck and bit was almost overpowering. He wanted you dripping, ozzing his cum as he stained your perfect frailty with his venomous bite and change you for the better. He needed it like he'd never needed anything in his life. It was his own fault he was so needy and eager... restless. Hed had you at his side for six months far to lost in his bliss of having his mate he'd all but forgot about the mating season untill he was weeks away.

He snarled grolwing deeper and deeper his inner bears bellows trying to break through damanding you put your head down and take your mating properly. Face down ass up and minimal complaints! The deep sounds echoed through as the harsh breaths and grunts fanned over the sensitive skin of your shoulder blades.

"W-walt! Fuck please- hurry!" You whimpered over your shoulder as the large hands of your lover held you still bent over the bed pinning your hips into the matress and he thundered away, burrying himself to the hilt again and again still trying to feed you every thing he had and more. You cried out as he arched, tipping his hips striking your clit with his heavy sack moaning out his pleasure, the small pats making his cock twitch flexing agaisnt your tight channel as he speared you pryingnyou opene like never before.

These were no calculated strokes, he was fucking you with little care to how you withered and cried at his onslaught. Maybe thats why he brought you out here? You were deep in the woods and no one could hear you scream out your pleasure.

He growled low in his throat again biting back at his beast who was watching as you keened and scrabbled bent over on the bed your bare back glistening, tiny beads of sweat rolling down your sides. The scent of your arousal was enough to make him rabid, he needed this! Needed the release. His instincts were screaming savagely just below His mate! His female! His entierly!

And you were. He'd known the second he'd seen you in the cells. He thougt you were coming to bail out your foster dad who'd been caught at the center of a party filming a snuff film. A dark bdsm practice where the sub was unknowinly 'snuffed out' usually sufficated or break their neck from trying to escape. Either way it was a disgusting practice that was hard to pin blame, who was the one to arrest? The person tying the bonds? The dom? The spectators?

As it turned out you were there to cuss him out and hand in evidence phone records, emails, previous incidences. It turned out your father had been arranging these snuff films as a quiet hitman business silently offing people for a price.

Walter had gone out of his way to protect you, luring you to him with sweet dates and raw sex appeal. It had taken just over two months but he managed to secure a relationship with you. Youd been a couple for six months now, and finally it was time!

Finally he could claim you as his own kind did. Allbeit a tad late with only weeks to get you used to your rightfull place. Beside him. Below him!

He'd managed to et you out here to his den, secluded in the forest for a month long stay, mot that you knew it'd be a month. He'd said it'd be a long week end, you wasnt the outdoorsy type... well not yet.

"Shh, shh mate~ calm down you'll get there, just not yet... don't come yet we need- I need you to hold on for me" walter growled lowly into you making you sob and slump on the bed moaning into the covers. He moved slower trying to remember you were human, no matter how close the season was he couldnt mate you just yet. He had to give you the bite, then claim and help you come around to your new form and mate you... all in three weeks. If he tried to mate you properly now youd never survive him.

"Bu-but Bear!? Please i cant!" You wailed grunting and pressed back on him urgently unaware of just what was about to happen. He almost felt guilty, but it was better this way. Bite and help them transition then breed and continue the line. Or risk looseing you? His one mate! Once you were turned you'd feel the bond and wouldnt leave. It was how things were done, tradition!

Walter shook his head ridding the doubts that collected in his mind before chuckling... if only you knew how right you were~. Because be was a bear, a grizzly to be exact. It always brough a smirk to his face when you called him that, it'd soon be an inside joke between you. For every shifter there was a soul mate. The wolves had it easy,being pack animals their mates were mostly wolves themselves. But bears? No. Bears were solitary and their mates tended to be human.

For everything that happened in his life, he never imagined getting such a sweet gentle mate! You were a prize, his prize. Gifted to him by the old gods. You'd love and raise his cubs to be strong, fierce boy's and dainty smart females. His mind drifted, he couldnt wait to fill you, to plant his seed inside your womb and watch you create his cubs. But first he had claim you.

His eyes glazed as you beat at the bed arching your back to him trying desperately to pull him deeper clenching your pussy tight trying to force him to his own end where you could join him. You walls trembled as the suckled on him desperate to have walter quake at the knees and rut you into a tantelizing climax.

Walter snarled eyes now flickering with the burnt red brown that his beast held, the copper tinge glowing with a primal rage and need to latch onto his female and hold her still, repriand his sow for trying to take control and steal his seed before he was read to gift it to her!. Thoughts of tearing the skin and biting you twisted around his mind like a raging storm, his fangs ached. The venomous gift that would seal your fate to his forever thrumming in his jaws eagerly waiting. He was ready. He.was .ready! Years of woundering, then months of play the human game had made him impatient. He needed it, needed to feel the bond tie you together!

"Fine! You asked for it!" He snarled, an inhuman tremorto his voice made you pause, just as you tried to turn and question him you screamed out in panic. Walter bit you. Hard!

You thrashed squealing and panicking, kicking your splayed legs as your neck siezed, cramping. You muscle constricting around what felt like two deep thorns searing into you. Then a deep burn built. You cried in panic, fat tears rolling down your face mind bearly grasping what was going on around you. The shunts of your lovers hips became heavier and more pronounced, every breathnow a severe growl ratteling your bones. His cocks invasion slicing through the pain and terror as he moved faster and harder into you hitting your clit.

You wept tears streaming down your face as he fucked you rougher growling into your neck. Then despite the pain and fear the knot in your tummy snapped and you came around him. The trembling and mind numbing orgasm tore through you making you massage his still thrusting cock. You sobbed collapsing, giving up the fight as your sensitive body ached.

As if rewarding you for finally giving in Walter released your neck leaving it wet. You shuddered knowing that there would be blood but there wasnt much you could do about it. You keenesoftly as he roared over you victoriously painting your insides with his essence, lightly fucking into you. Instinct driving him to scent your cunt as deep as he could for your change, so youd smell of him warding off all other males in the area. This female was taken.

"Fuck. Fuck that was- better then the stories" he hummed over you smileing to himself head hanging down feeling at peace now his mate was claimed and would change. You'd be like him, strong fierce and safe. Able to take care of yourself and protect yourself and his young... fend off any vile human, fend off anyone but him~ your bear, your male, your mate!

"W-walter? My neck? What did you do?! Whh did you!- it feels funny it tingling" you panicked as walter pulled away from you befor slowly crawling onto the bed pullingnyou gently onto the soft bedding tugging you up to rest on your back.

"Its fine, perfect even- its the venom getting to work love" he explained cooing at you wiping you down patting the wohndmon your neck. In his spare of the moment bite he'd been rougher then he could have been, and that was part of the reason his venom was making you go limp already.

"V-VENOM! WHAT VENOM?" You bellowed now bawling panting, hyperventilating eyes wide and tears rolling down your face. His heart clenched as your hand waved in the air trying to hold him but you couldnt feel it, only a heavy numb limb that was useless.

"No, no its not bad- not bad my we t little mate... your turning, you'll turn and be like me" walter said hushingnou craning over you taking your waving hand an pressing kisses to the palm.

"Turn?! What are you- you bite me! We need help! Im gojng numb! Cold walter im bleeding out! Am i bleeding!?" Yu yipped still not understanding what was goingnon? He bit you... HE BIT YOU!? you tried pryingnyour hand free wanting to feel the damage on your neck. The room was spinning, you were growing cold you felt li,e you were dying!

"No shh your not bleeding, your turning... youve taken the bite soo well, so well love... you'll be fine... you'll sleep and then wake up stronger then ever" walter hummed fawning over you, giving you small gentle stroke's he knew he couldnt sit you down and explain, you were falling fast. He just had to reassure you untill you drifted off into the change.

"Wha?"

"Shh im here im here mate... your gonig to be a bear just like me" he whispered softly grinning down at you unable to stop. He was too damn proud, he found you and bit you! Youd be with him always!

"Bear?" You muttere trying to hold him closer as the room began shimmering, lights and blaack dots laceingnyour vision as the heated chill rushed through you drowning your body in a strange soothing yet frightening feeling.

"Yes... I'm a shifter, I brought you here to- to my den, the den of my forefathers, ive given you the bite just as my father did to our mother inthis very cabin!" He rushed trying to explain best as he could not liking the scent of terror on you. He never wanted to scare you, but fear was inevitable. Still if he could ease your worries before you succumbed he would.

"What- walter im- its fuzzy!" You cried desperately tryingnto cling to the little consciousness you had. But it was getting harder as the seconds ticked by.

"Hush im here, it's the change my love... youll be like me... a bear shifter- and just before mating season too...You'll change and then we will mate over and over untill your carrying my cubs~" walter said as a lump swelled in his throat. His father had said this was the worst bit. The fear and panic as your new found mate fell to the transformation. But as the guilt and anxiety sent in so did the excitement of your furture. Your mateing, your family-cubs and a den of your own! It was enougn to make the grown boar cry like a young cub!

"W-walt your scaring me~" you slurred as the room began spinning, a hot sensation coursing through your veins but your skin was cool and prickling.

"Shh its okay love, you need to sleep, just rest when you wake things will be... they will be perfect, sleep, give in don't fight, you dont want to be awake for this part" he said movi g to lay your hand back down at your side. Then sat up besode you looking around for another pillow tomprop under your head.

"W-walter! No, dont leave-" you cried bawling frightened as your eyelids got heavy, he sounded as if he was drifting further from you. Bringing another wave of panic, especiallywhen he placed your hand down.

"I'm not, i wont leave you, not for a second my beautiful female" he said leaning over you holding your chin peppering kisses over your face. Making sure you felt he was still there even as you drifted into the comatose state that would protect you from the pain of your initial transformation. You cries slowly doed off as you closed your eyes unable to fight anymore and let the black take you.

Walter stayed put watching you with baited breath. Now it was his job to gaurd you. Protect and care for you as the grueling first shift took holdand he spied what bear you'd be. The venom in all shifters was the same, each becmea different animal in accordance to their individual traits. He was a grizzly one of the largest bear, his cousin geralt was a polar bear and sy a kodiak. He knew youd be a bear because you were mates, and thats just how it worked.

He sat back cringing as you grunted moaning as things began to shift, your body would rid itself of toxins and ailments first. Flush your system before the real process began. He stood from the bed making his way to the bathroom to fetch the many damp towels he'd need to clean you up. It had been him to insight the change and now it was his duty to care for you through this difficult transition. And it would be is absolute pleasure, because this was the all important duty for him as a male his kind, this would tighten his bond with your beast. He would oversee everything and help you, even help break bones to help you shift faster. Anything to get you through a full shift cycle, to beast and back so you could awaken that little bit faster and begin your life as a true pairing. Despite th grusome nature of the event, walter couldnt be more pleased because thos was the true beginning of his life with you, and he wouldnt change a damn thing.

#henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill x reader #walter marshall x you #walter marshall #werebear!walter marshall #walter marshall x y/n #walter marshall x reader #henry cavill smut #walter marshall smut

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skiller0dani · 3 years

Text

Palace Garden | General Kirigan

M A S T E R L I S T Shadow and Bone Masterlist

smut requests info w.c | 4.8k summary | You are the General’s personal Healer, he doesn’t go anywhere without you. So when General Kirigan is invited to the King Pyotr’s annual ‘end of year’ party at the Grand Palace, you join him. Except the King’s second son, Nikolai, takes a special interest in you.

song

My Shadow and Bone pieces will probably include Spoilers from the SHOW. I have not yet read the books, I have only read through most of Six of Crows. I’m finishing that book as we speak, I have only seen the Shadow and Bone tv show, I haven’t read the books.

PSA: I write with limited knowledge of who Nikolai Lantsov is, although I know he is royalty (King of Ravka I believe) but in the show he isn’t the King, so I made him a Prince. Don’t be mad at me, this is all for fun and it’s FICTION.

“You’ve received another invitation from the King, just how long do you plan to ignore him?” You snicker as you drop a letter onto the General’s desk. It’s an invitation to King Pyotr’s End of Year Celebration, attended by decorated Soldiers from both the First and Second Army, and hopefully the esteemed General. The previous year the General had ‘urgent’ matters to attend to so he was unable to attend the dreaded party in his words. In truth you always had fun at the King’s Celebrations so you didn’t know what always soured his fun.

“Until the day after next.” His shoulders were rigid and his tone was clipped.

“General, tonight is the Celebration. You must answer the King by then, you know that.” You chuckled with a roll of your eyes, watching as the General begrudgingly tore open the envelope. You watched as his eyes scanned the paper in front of him, his eyebrows pinching together in frustration.

“General?” You knew it was unwise to engage him when he was in a state of agitation but in all honesty, you didn’t fear him the way everyone else did. General Kirigan swiftly ignored you and reached for a pen, and upon further examination your eyes caught your name written on the letter from the King.

‘I am most eager to meet your esteemed Healer, Y/N.’

The General tends to get a tad, possessive, of the things he deems belong to him. You were one the things the General had claimed as his own, and anybody who shows a particular interest in you tends to annoy him. You can see the tension growing in his shoulders, and while you might not know how deeply he cares for you, you know he sees you as more than just his Healer. Hopefully, he sees you as a sort of friend as well.

“Are we going to attend the Celebration General?” You ask cautiously, watching as Kirigan’s expression shifts from mildly annoyed to thoroughly agitated. You make sure to keep at least one foot distance between you and the General at all times, he tends to be a bit unpredictable when he’s upset. You watch as the General stands, yanking at the buttons of his Kefta before tossing the heavy fabric onto his bed.

“Yes, we are. Apparently both Princes will be in attendance.” The General says through a huff, reaching for his dress jacket- the black one with gold detailing he wears for social events. The Princes? Neither of the Princes have been spotted inside the Grand Palace for a few months now, it’s no wonder the King has chosen tonight for the Celebration. The end of the year isn’t for a few weeks and normally the Celebration is closer to the years change. You try to mask the mild excitement you feel at the prospect of meeting either of the Princes, although you don’t hear much about Prince Vasily. Most of the young Grisha women training in the Little Palace whisper about Prince Nikolai.

“Does this please you?” The General asks, his tone distracted as he finishes buttoning his Kefta in the mirror. You shake your head, your eyes briefly catching his.

“I couldn’t care either way General.” You say with a shrug, and you swear you see the tiniest smile grace the corner of his lips. For as long as you could remember you’ve had a thing for the General, what women wouldn’t? He’s tall, handsome, has dark hair, dark eyes, and he’s powerful. You doubt some Prince could ever compare to General Kirigan, not that you’re hoping one will. A Tailor swiftly enters the General’s chambers then, her eyes landing on you.

“A package has come for Y/N sir, and she should be getting ready for the party soon.” She says, her eyes only briefly meeting the General’s before flickering back towards the floor. His eyebrows stitch together when he sees the box she holds. You reach for it before his hand raises, “give it to me.” He instructs sternly. The Tailor quickly hands the package to the General and you see an unreadable expression pull onto his face. He plucks a note from the top lid of the package, and hands it to you before opening the package.

I await our meeting with bated breath dear Y/N.

- Prince Nikolai

Inside the package is easily the most beautiful dress you’ve ever seen. It’s blood red with silver detailing, and it goes all the way to the floor. You take the dress from the General, stroking the smooth silk. He can see the twinkling in your eyes as you eye the gift from the Prince, it sends surges of frustration through his tightening chest. The Tailor ushers you into the General’s bathroom so you can change, and the General turns his back for privacy. It’s been like this for some time now, you hardly ever get ready for social events in your own room anymore. You’d been the General’s Healer for quite a few years now, and on more than one occasion he’s had to provide some Healing for you as well. He’s seen your entire upper torso bare from when he had to heal a stab wound through your chest. Needless to say, you were probably too comfortable in the presence of the General.

You stepped out of the bathroom and the General turned, his eyes landing on you. For a second he didn’t know what to say, you were absolutely stunning. Your hair had been let in loose curls down your back, normally you wore it up and out of the way so he didn’t normally get to admire your hair falling around your face. The dress hugged each of your curves beautifully, but the color was irritating him. Surely it was tailored to match whatever the Prince was wearing and General Kirigan couldn’t let that slide.

“Well? Am I presentable?” You ask the General, knowing you’ll need his say-so before you’re party ready.

“Nearly.” The General says, his voice trailing off into a whisper as he leans over towards the Tailor. You can see her smile but it’s quickly masked, and you don’t know what he’s saying to her. Quickly the Tailor ushers you back into the bathroom and fumbles around for a few things from her kit. She turns back to you with concentration on her face and soon the appearance of your dress begins to change. The red color fades away and is replaced with an inky black color, and the silver detailing morph into gold detailing. Soon the dress remains mostly the same, except for the fact that it matches the Kefta the General is wearing. When you step out of the bathroom again, you see a pleased look upon the General’s face.

“Now you’re ready.”

»»————-　✼　————-««

Your arm was hooked with the Generals as you entered the main hall of the Grand Palace, your eyes immediately traveling to all the ornate decorations covering the walls. Decorated window curtains, glass chandeliers, a wide ballroom laid out in front of you. It was crowded with people, a soft Orchestra playing in the background, and soft chatter. The General wore an easy smile across his face. He was keeping up appearances, you know he didn’t want to be here. His arm held you to his side tightly, and looming before you was the throne for the King and Queen. Stood on each side of them were the Princes, Vasily stood next to the King, and Nikolai next to the Queen. The King looked positively delighted to see the General.

“General Kirigan! Good you could make it. You remember my sons Vasily and Nikolai don’t you?” The King gestured to both of the Princes, and while Vasily regarded the General with a polite smile, Nikolai’s eyes were firmly on you.

“Yes of course, allow me to introduce the Princes to my Personal Healer- Y/N.” General Kirigan sounds almost proud as he introduces you, and you bow for the Princes who both send you a smile. Although Nikolai’s smile is flirtier then this brothers, who remains polite. The Queen’s eyes trail down your gown, noticing the slight shimmer to the fabric.

“Your dress is lovely, you must have had a good Tailor.” She smiles and you blush as you take your place next to the General, your arm slipping through his with ease.

“Well actually it was a gift from Prince Nikolai. T-Thank you for such a generous gift!” You inform her shyly, feeling General Kirigan’s body go slightly rigid beside you. You carefully peek at the General, and you notice he’s locked in a heated stare-down with Prince Nikolai.

“You’re very welcome, did the color not suit you?” He asks and it’s just now that you notice the Kefta he’s wearing matched your dresses previous color perfectly.

“Oh not at all-”

“I thought it would be better for my Healer to match my Kefta, your highness.” The General cuts in, his voice polite but firm. The General says it as if you should match because you’re his Healer but you know what he’s really saying. He’s telling the Prince he wanted you to match his Kefta and not Nikolai’s, General Kirigan is saying that you belong to him and the Prince knows that.

“Of course.” The Prince’s tone is tense, and the smile on his face looks practiced. You stay firmly placed by the Generals side, offering a polite smile as the General nearly drags you away from the royalty and further into the party. You can feel the frustration washing off the General in waves, your hand curling around his bicep a little tighter as a weak attempt to calm him. Kirigan almost cant stand the sight of you wearing a dress the Prince picked for you, but seeing the Princes face when he realized the dress he picked no longer matched his Kefta, but the General’s instead was wonderful enough to make up for it.

“General? I apologize but you’re needed urgently-” A Grisha solider pushes gently through the crowd and begins to whisper hastily in the General’s ear. You see annoyance cross onto the General’s face before he shoos the Grisha away. He turns towards you, leaning down to brush his lips over the shell of your ear. The small action sends shivers down your spine.

“Can you manage by yourself for a few minutes? There’s something I need to attend to, but I should be back shortly.” He whispers and you quickly offer him a nod before slipping your arm from his. General Kirigan shoots you an apologetic look before following the path the Grisha took before he disappears from sight. You hold a glass in your palm, although you’re not sure what the shimmering liquid is. You feel slightly out of place, and everyone steers clear of you. They saw you with the General, and are probably going to continue to ignore you to prevent receiving the Generals wrath.

“Y/N, right?” You hear a voice to your right and you know who it is before you even turn. Only one person is brave enough to approach somebody the General has placed an ‘unspoken’ claim on.

“Prince Nikolai.” You smile politely, taking a step to the side to create a small amount of distance from you and the Prince. He sips at his glass, a twinkling of mischievousness in his eyes.

“So tell me the real reason the color of your dress was altered. I thought we would have complimented each other nicely.” His voice is smooth like honey, his eyes a cool amber. It’s not that you find the Prince unattractive, quite the opposite actually. You just aren’t interested in him that way, and his good looks could never compare to General Kirigan. The Prince is clean cut and refined, while the General is rugged and untamed. They’re opposites in every way, and you just can’t be attracted to anybody else. Prince Nikolai could never compare to the General.

“I apologize Prince Nikolai, but I wanted to match the General.” You say with ease, finally allowing yourself to take a sip of the mystery drink in your hand. A look you can’t place briefly crosses over Prince Nikolai’s face, if you didn’t know any better you’d say he looked hurt.

“I see.” Is all he says and for the next few minutes you feel a tense silence before a hand presses against the small of your back. You turn your head and nearly breathe a sigh of relief.

“General.” You smile, although his eyes are firmly on Prince Nikolai. His hand gently pulls you closer to his side, and your heart races the tiniest bit faster when his hand curls around your hip to rest there. You know you and the General aren’t together, but the placement of his hand tells people otherwise. You lean further into his side, and you can feel his body relax ever-so-slightly as you do so. When the Orchestra plays a slow song, General Kirigan glances down at you with a raised brow.

“Prince Nikolai, if you’ll excuse us.” General Kirigan says when you notice other couples moving to the dance floor, including the King and Queen. He turns then and leads you out to the ballroom floor, his hand pressing against your lower back, holding your chest flush with his. He takes your hand with his free hand and soon you are both gently swaying to the music. The lights in the ballroom dim, the stars twinkling outside becoming even brighter.

“General, could I ask you a question?” You ask softly, relaxing into his embrace. When you hear him hum softly in response you turn your head up to look at him, he towers over you. You nibble on your bottom lip, your heart beginning to race like mad in your chest. His grip on your palm shifts to allow his fingers to lace through yours gently.

“Why does Prince Nikolai make you so...upset?” You ask, and deep down you know the answer. You just need him to say it. General Kirigan’s eyes flicker to meet yours, an expression on his face that you can’t read. His body presses more firmly against yours when his hold on your lower back tightens, pulling you even closer to him then you were before. You wished you could stay here in this moment with him forever, just the two of you and nobody else. You know that in your heart, you’ve fallen in love with General Kirigan but you doubt he’d ever feel the same way.

“Because I dislike the amount of attention he gives you.” General Kirigan admits, his eyes turning away from yours. You thumb rubs circles over the back of his hand subconsciously as your mind tries to grasp what he just said.

“Prince Nikolai could devote his entire life to attempting to impress me, and it would make no difference General.” You say softly, drawing his gaze back to yours. Your faces are nearly touching, your noses brushing against each others as you lean up on your tippy toes to be closer to him.

“Why not?” He can’t help himself as he asks, surely there’s not a chance you could ever feel for him what he feels for you. Part of him hates himself for being so weak, for allowing his heart to care for you, for allowing a weakness to crawl into his heart.

“Because he could never mean to me what you mean to me General, no matter how hard he tries...he could never be you.” You whisper softly, your cheeks burning hot and your eyes refusing to meet his. General Kirigan feels every emotion he’s tried to push away flood through him then, joy, excitement, glee, pure happiness. A small smile overtakes his face as he leans down to whisper in your ear for the second time tonight.

“Aleksander.”

“What?” You’re startled to say the least, pulling back to look into his eyes. Did he just...?

“That’s my name.” He clarifies, a full smile on his face now. You feel your heart pounding heavily in your chest when you suddenly hear a loud explosion. Startled, you push yourself into General- Aleksander’s chest. His arms curl around your body as the floor to ceiling windows are thrown open, and fireworks are seen outside. Immediately people flood out onto the Palace garden to view the fireworks, and Aleksander is gently leading you outside with them. Your hand is still locked with his as your head tips up to watch the colors explode in the sky. The Alkemi really pulled all the stops for this firework show. Your breath is stolen right from your lungs as you watch the fireworks go off, but soon you feel Aleksander’s fingers turning your face to look at him. Your eyes lock onto his before you’re leaning forward to connect your lips to his.

His arms wrap around your torso to pull you against him tighter, your arms flying up around his shoulders. You hear the fireworks exploding above you and the cheering of the crowd around you, but soon all of them fade away until it’s just you and Aleksander out in the garden alone. You don’t notice the people cheering for the fireworks around you, and you certainly don’t notice Prince Nikolai eyeing you with a broken heart from across the garden. He’s heard much of your victories in battle, and he knows more about you then you thought. When you part from Aleksander, you see a smile on his face and you know that same smile is mirrored on your own face.

»»————-　✼　————-««

By the time you make it back into Aleksander’s room, the moon is at it’s peak in the sky but you don’t feel tired. You stand shyly in his doorway, usually this is around the time you’d bid the General goodnight and begin the short trek to your room. But you’re not ready to say goodnight, you’re not ready for tonight to be over just yet and you can only hope he isn’t either. You bite the inside of your cheek just as you turn to head back into the hallway.

“Leaving so soon?” You hear his voice cut through the silence, and when you turn you see hurt flashing in his eyes. Does he want you to stay?

“I assumed you’d want me to go...like I normally do.” You say softly, your cheeks burning hot.

“Stay.” Is all he says, and it’s all you need to hear. You take a few steps into his room, shutting the door softly behind you. Aleksander crosses the room to you, his hands cupping your cheeks and pulling your lips back onto his. Your hands grab at the lapels of his Kefta, drawing him ever closer to you. His lips move languidly against yours before the kiss grows more desperate, his hands yanking your legs around his waist as he lifts you easily. His palms rest on the globes of your ass, quickly turning you and placing you down on the desk, not caring about the papers that are sent scattering off the desk. Your hands are trembling as your fingers work to unfasten the buttons of his Kefta. His hands don’t know where to touch first, gently grasping at the underside of your breasts before trailing down your curves, feeling how the dress hugs you so perfectly.

“G-General!” You gasp as his lips latch onto your pulse point, his hands digging into your hips. You finally unbutton his Kefta completely, pushing the fabric from his shoulders as soon as it’s freed. You yank at his dress shirt until its untucked from his pants, and his hands reach up your back to pull at the zipper securing your dress.

“Desperate?” Aleksander teases as he slowly pulls the zipper down your dress, the shoulders falling down your arms. You nod frantically, in truth you’ve never felt this desperate for anybody in your whole life. Your palms cup his cheeks, pulling his lips back to yours as his hands pull your dress down your body until it bunches at your waist. You’re practically panting against his lips as one of Aleksander’s hands slides up your thigh before he pulls away from you. He pulls back, just far enough that your lips can’t reach his. You try anyway, leaning forward and chasing his lips with an open mouth. He chuckles softly but stays just out of reach.

“What’s wrong?” You whine, your hands resting on his shoulders. Aleksander has a smile on his face, his hands are still on your hips, holding you tightly. He can’t believe that you’re here in front of him, letting him kiss you, letting him undress you. If only you knew all of the terrible things he’s done with the very same hands that are touching you, you’d probably want nothing to do with him. Aleksander brushes that thought away.

“Nothing, I just wanted to take in the moment.” He smiles but you groan, pulling helplessly at his shirt. He chuckles before leaning back towards you, pressing his lips to yours again. He loves that you’re so eager for him, so needy for him. Aleksander finishes pushing your dress down your legs, leaving you in nothing more than a pair of panties. His hands reach up to cup the underside of your breasts, his lips moving quickly against yours. Your hands reach to the hem of his shirt, and you part briefly to pull his dress shirt over his head.

“Sure about this?” Aleksander mumbles against your lips as his hand dips into your panties to drag a finger through your drenched folds. You nod helplessly against his lips, your fingers digging into his shoulders when he pushes a lewd finger into your tight opening. He thrusts his finger into you quickly, loving the desperate whines coming from your lips.

“Words please.” He says softly, quickly pressing a second finger into you. Your nails press crescent moons into his shoulders when he crooks his fingers into you, making you squeal.

“Yes, yes I’m sure about this.” You gasp, his thumb making contact with your clit and rubbing tight little circles. Your lips press firmly to his again, and he swallows all of your moans. Aleksander groans softly when he feels you grind your hips into his hand, your back arching as his other hand slides up your stomach to pinch your nipple.

“God all I want is you Aleksander-” You moan, saying his real name for the first time. Hearing you moan his name has shivers trembling down his back, and his fingers pulling out of your tight heat. Your hands are reaching for the waistband of his pants, fumbling with the button before you give up and Aleksander is swatting your hands away. He quickly undoes his pants and reaches into them to pull his hardening cock out. With one hand, he rips your panties from your body, leaving you naked and sprawled across his desk. It’s not a sight he’ll ever forget. He steps into your spread legs, one hand on his cock and the other hand on your hip as he presses his tip against your slippery folds. Your hands pull his chest against yours as you press your face into his neck when he pushes into you. Both of you release a moan simultaneously when you feel him stretching you open.

“Please tell me this isn’t a one time thing-”

“Stop talking.” He growls before pressing his lips against yours as he continues to work himself inch by inch into you. You mewl against his lips as he bottoms out, his tip nestled against the spot that makes your toes curl. It burns just a bit, but you’re still panting against him as he stays completely still inside you. You try to pull your hips back but his hands lock you in place, a playful smile on his face as he watches you roll your hips. His pupils are blown open in lust as he holds you against him, and he feels you growing wetter by the second. You want him to move so badly, you feel tears of frustration pushing at the backs of your eyes as you weakly try to once again get him to move inside you.

“Move please.” You beg shamlessly and Aleksander presses a quick kiss to your lips.

“You have to promise me something first.” He says softly and you groan, rolling your hips desperately again. He’s so hard inside you, you can feel your walls squeezing him tightly.

“Anything!” You nearly cry out, you ignore him when you hear him chuckle softly.

“Promise me that you’re mine. I can’t have anybody else seeing you this way.” Aleksander growls, starting to feel a little impatient himself. Your hands pull his bare chest against yours, your lips a hair’s distance away from his.

“I promise. I’m yours, only yours.” You promise, your hips wriggling against his once more. Seemingly satisfied, Aleksander pulls his hips back and slams back into you, causing you to cry out as he sets a brutal pace. He slams into you, ramming his tip against your g-spot repeatedly. You cry out as his lips latch onto your neck, leaving bruises in his wake as he bites and suckles any skin he can find. Your arms wind around his shoulders as he slams into you, reducing you to nothing more than a boneless moaning mess underneath him. Your lips press to his and you kiss him with a fiery passion, your body rocking against his. Suddenly Aleksander pulls out, gently yanking you off the desk to bend you over it. Your toes barely touch the ground before he’s sliding into you again, taking you roughly from behind. You hear him hiss through clenched teeth as his hand runs up your spine to twist your hair around his hand. He yanks you up onto your elbows by your hair, holding you in place as he keeps his brutal pace.

“Oh yes, yes-” All you can do is cry out and moan underneath him, all of your thoughts reduced to nothing more than endless praises to his cock. His grip on your hair loosens before your upper body collapses against the desk again, and his hands move instead to your hips to draw your body back against him to meet his thrusts. Pulling you back against him allows him to ram even deeper inside you, and you can feel his tip hit your cervix every time he thrusts into you. One of his hands reaches around your body to pinch and roll your clit and as soon as he does you’re crying out and moaning like a bitch in heat. His teeth are clenched as he groans above you, you feel absolutely heavenly.

“Fuck, fuck! Gonna cum, I’m gonna cum!” You cry out helplessly, your hip bones screaming in pain every time they’re rammed against the edge of the desk. Aleksander doesn’t slow down even for a second, continuing to brutally pound into you, desperate to chase his own release. Aleksander yanks your torso up so that your back is pressed to his chest and one of his hands reaches down to roll your clit. You cry out desperately as your orgasm washes through you, causing you to clamp down around him tightly. Aleksander fucks up into you, slamming into your overstimulated body until you’re violently trembling and soon he’s cumming in hot spurts. Your exhausted body nearly collapses to the floor when he pulls out and steps away. Aleksander immediately reaches forward to catch you before you crumple to the floor.

He scoops you into his arms and gently carries you to the bed, and you practically melt into the mattress. You see concern pooling in his eyes as he pulls the blankets over you, his thumbs brushing over the bruises on your neck and shoulders, plus the purple bruises on your hipbones from the desk. He leans down to press his lips to your gently and you smile into the kiss.

“I know that look, stop worrying. I can Heal myself in the morning, I’m too tired now.” You reassure him and his worry eases a bit before he’s standing to turn out all of the lights and slide into the bed next to you. Aleksander reaches over to pull your limp body against his chest. Pressing a kiss to your head, he holds you against him tightly.

“Did I go too hard?” He asks into the silence and you nuzzle into his warm chest.

“It was perfect Aleksander.” You promise, pressing a kiss against his chest. He relaxes then with you in his arms. Soon he hears your breathing even out and he knows you’re asleep. Aleksander knows by now that he’s falling in love with you, but for your sake he has to keep his distance. He’ll have to find a new Healer, no matter how much it pains him to do so. If anybody found out the Black Heretic loved somebody, you’d be in grave danger and frankly, Aleksander is afraid of what he’d do if he ever lost you. His heart breaks when he remembers what he has to do tomorrow, but luckily it isn’t tomorrow yet and he can enjoy laying here with you sleeping in his arms.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #general kirigan #general kirigan smut #the darkling #the darkling smut #the darkling x you #darkling x you #aleksander kirigan smut #aleksander morozova #aleksander morozova smut

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 2 years

Note

i honestly cant remember if i already sent u a prompt, so if i did, either disregard this or!! have another prompt from me ig!! sldfkjsd. *anyway* !! 40 (Eating tomato soup and grilled cheese) w magnus n whoever else u might want :O? -ise

From this prompt list! (still accepting!)

Magnus trudges inside, kicking snow off his boots. He peeks his head back outside and whistles into the cold air. After a moment, Johann comes bounding onto the porch, flinging snow off his fur.

“Oh you’re a mess, bud,” Magnus says lightly, scratching him behind the ears. “Come on, I’m figuring out what to make for dinner. If you’re lucky, you might get some little scraps. Maybe.” Johann runs inside and quickly curls up on the couch.

Magnus makes his way to the kitchen and begins perusing his cupboards. The weather thoroughly chilled him to the bone; all he wants is something hearty and homey. Nothing jumps out at him. It’s shaping up to be a day where all he can see are ingredients, not their potential. Those are always especially frustrating but he’s determined to not heat up a Fantasy Lean Cuisine.

After a moment of consideration, he strolls over to the bookshelf in the living room. He might not have any ideas for dinner, but he knows who does. He scans over the shelves for a moment before plucking Simmer it up with Taako: A guide to soups, stews, and everything in-between, one of Taako’s latest cookbooks. He sent an advanced copy to Magnus a few months ago with a note telling him to “start honing your skills since you’re determined to live in the middle of nowhere with a million dogs.”

He cracks open the glossy tome and scans down the table of contents. Everything sounds good but a lot of it sounds high effort. He considers French onion soup before remembering just how time intense the recipe is. He really doesn’t feel like spending an hour caramelizing onions before the soup can even start cooking. He keeps searching before landing on it: creamy tomato soup. That’s just what this day needs, he decides as he walks the book back into the kitchen.

He laughs to himself as he skims through the story prefacing the recipe. It’s some half-truth about a particularly cold plane. There came a point where we all needed something warm and rib-sticking; swiping sweaters from each other’s closets couldn’t sustain us for a whole year. Sweaters were swiped alright but nearly all were from Magnus’s closet. It was his bitching that forced this soup into creation that year.

He reads the ingredient list and immediately runs into a snag. The recipe calls for fresh tomatoes. Hmm. His cabinets are filled to the brim with canned vegetables and tomatoes are no exception. He wonders if canned would work just as well. Magnus fishes his Zune out of his pocket and brings up Taako’s number.

“You got Taako,” the voice on the other end of the line drawls.

“Hey, I’m making your tomato soup recipe –“

A peal of laughter cuts through Magnus’s train of thought. “You’re actually using my cookbook? Mags, that’s precious!”

“Eh, might as well learn from the best. Even if the best tells bullshit versions of true stories that makes him look better.”

More laughter erupts from the other end of the call. “I editorialized a bit, sue me.”

“Anyway, I don’t have fresh tomatoes, can I just use canned?”

“Canned?” Taako makes a noise of reluctance. “Are they at least good quality?”

Magnus looks at the cans in his cabinet. Some are dented, all are the generic Fantasy Kroger brand. “Yeah,” he lies.

“Well, it’s not gonna taste as good but it’s your soup.”

“Thanks, Taako.”

“’Course, my dude. Later days.” The line clicks off abruptly and Magnus returns the Zune to his pocket.

Okay. Canned tomatoes are allowed. Magnus is ready to rock and roll on that soup. He goes about collecting all his ingredients and—

Scratch that. He realizes he has white onions, not yellow or red. He can’t remember if these are acceptable substitutes. Zune once again in hand, he calls Taako.

“Yeah?”

“Another soup question.”

“My dude. It’s been less than five minutes.”

“I don’t wanna screw it up!”

A heavy sigh. Magnus can practically see the eye roll. “What’s up now?”

“Can I use a white onion instead?”

“Yeah. Might be a little sharper of a taste than what you’re looking for but you can just add literally a single pinch of sugar. Actually, no, half a pinch, you’ve got fucking goliath hands.”

“Okay, thanks!”

“No problem.” The line clicks again and the Zune once again returns to its home in Magnus’s pocket.

He writes himself a quick note in the margins about the half pinch of sugar only to realize that he is going to fuck up this soup. Begrudgingly, he fishes his Zune from his pocket again.

“Dude. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not Ask Jeeves, what’s up now?”

“I don’t have chicken broth,” Magnus sounds deflated.

“Okay, here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m going to grab some ingredients, you’re going to start planning on how to craft me the sickest goddamn spice rack you’ve ever made, and Krav and I will be over there for dinner.”

“Taako, no, I don’t wanna disrupt your evening.”

“No, my dude, you’re my best friend and you’re having a soup struggle. I am contractually bound to come over, actually.”

“Isn’t Lup your best friend?”

“My best friend who isn’t related to me,” Taako corrects.”

“Isn’t that Ren?”

“Okay, my best friend who I’ve known for over a century who also isn’t related to me.”

“Wait, I thought that’s Barry.”

“Magnus, I’m doing something kind and generous for you. Are you really going to look a gift Taako in the mouth over some semantics?”

Magnus laughs a little. “No, I guess not. I’ll start planning that spice rack for you.”

“You better. See you in a bit.”

“See you. Thanks again.”

“Don’t be sappy about it or I’ll just drop off a bottle of ketchup.”

“Understood.”

#taz #taz balance #taz imbalance spoilers #technically #magnus burnsides #taako #the adventure zone #reese writes #this is another one where im using the prompt more as inspiration oops #there *will* be soup and grilled cheese but this was the first thing that came to my mind and i wanted to run with it #also this is just me when im trying to make one of my mom's recipes

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wonderfilworld · 3 years

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hey bestie i love ur writing and i was wondering if you could do a dom james x sub reader with praise kink lmfao that felt embarrassing to write and thigh riding pls?

@wolfstar4lifee requested: can you do a soft dom james with a praise kink

@imjustanothernerd requested: can you write a smut between dom james x reader with no degradation.

a/n: I got around 3 asks for a praise kink with James, so y'all come get y’all juice

warnings/contains: NSFW! smut: praise kink, thigh riding, unprotected sex; cursing; kissing.

send in a request / masterlist

“Tha’s it, baby, just like that.”

You whimper, the feeling of James’ jeans sliding against your bare clit being too much to handle. Your head rested against his shoulder as his strong arms rocked you back and forth along his thigh.

“Come on, tell me how good it feels.” He’s more excited than he should be at you writhing in his lap, cock hard and heavy against his leg within the confines of his clothes. He’s one more pretty sigh from your lips away from yanking his pants down his legs and sitting you on his cock, bouncing up and down on him until you can’t remember anything except his name.

However, it’s a good thing James is so patient, and that he loves the fact that his thigh can turn you into a whimpering mess.

“Bet it feels good on your little clit, huh?” He says, tensing his thigh at the end of his question, smiling to himself as you cry out. He feels you grind down harder, begging him to do it again.

And he obliges you, because you’re so pretty and so good for him, wearing nothing but his t-shirt and a cute pair of socks because you said the floors are freezing.

“I bet that pretty pussy is begging for my cock.” He can almost see it, the way your pretty little hole leaks for him and flutters around nothing as he teases you.

And he can feel it, the wet patch growing on his jeans, and it makes him giddy inside because again, it’s him making you feel this way.

“Is it, baby? Is it empty?” Another sob from your lips, the side of James’ neck is wet from your moans and the way you mouth at it as he grinds you against him.

“Empty,” Is all you can say, because yeah, you’re too empty right now, you need to have James’ cock inside of you where it belongs, hitting all the right spots like only he can.

“I know, sweetheart, gonna make it all better.” He goes for his jeans now, popping the button and pulling down the zipper as best he can with you still rutting along his thigh. “I’ll fill you up.”

He pats your hip to signal you to lift up, and through barely open eyes do you see James freeing his cock from his boxers; hard and red at the tip, and James gives it a few tugs to spread the precum down his length.

“Come here, pretty baby,” He tells you, positioning you over him so you can slowly sink yourself onto his cock.

“Fuck, there you go,” He whispers, massaging your ass between his hands as you adjust to him.

“So fucking pretty,” He says. His eyes are on your face watching as it scrunches up as his cock settles within your warm walls. His body feels like it’s on fire - you’re squeezing him so well and he has to take a few deep breaths before letting you rock against him once again.

The rolling of your hips back and forth allows your clit to rub against the base of James’ cock, and your whimpers turn into loud moans as you pick up the pace. It’s so good, cunt fluttering around him, especially with the dirty praises he whispers in your ear.

“Feels so fucking good, baby, you’re so fucking good.” He pants, breath hot against your ear. He’s gripping your hips tightly in his hands, encouraging you to rut faster against him.

Your mouth drops open and you drop your head. You rest your hands on James’ shoulders as you pick yourself up to begin bouncing in his lap.

“Shit - yeah,” He says, his own head dropping back for a second. You can feel his cock twitching inside you as you pick up a steady rhythm, James trying desperately to keep his eyes on you.

“You’re so fucking hot,” He tells you, hips canting up to meet yours. He just can’t help it - you’re so good to him, fucking him like this, practically begging him to fill your little cunt with his cum.

Whimpering, you bring a hand to your clit to rub tight circles along the nub, mouth dropping open at the sensation, pleasure shooting through you. You bounce on his cock harder, almost shouting as he comes to meet your thrusts, cock kissing the sensitive spots along the inside of you.

“Love to watch you bounce on my fucking cock.” He’s so close and he can feel the tell-tell signs of your oncoming orgasm, pussy spasming around his cock so frequently he can hardly focus on anything else.

“Close,” You breathe, bounces becoming sloppy and uncoordinated as your legs tire but you don’t dare stop, the pressure in your tummy is overwhelming, and you’re holding onto James so tight it's a surprise you're not hurting him.

“I know, baby,” James tells you, stopping your bouncing to let you grind on his lap again. This allows your clit to get the delicious friction it so desperately needed more of, rubbing along James’ pubic bone, the hair he has there is damp from your slick. “Wanna see you come on my lap.”

And that’s all the encouragement you need, sobbing into his shoulder as you roll your hips madly into his. The pleasure washes over you - seizes you up until James has to take over the movements for you, rutting into your cunt until he’s spilling into you.

“Fuck me,” He says, hand wiping the sweat off his forehead. You’re still shaking in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck like a vice. “My fucking baby,” He murmurs, kissing the side of your head.

tags: @crazypantlady @hufflepuffsfordraco @eunoia-kth @juulico @partr1dge @xtoothlessx if you'd Iike to be added to my taglist, fill this out. love you all, muah

#james potter #james potter smut #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #marauders #marauders smut #james potter blurb #james potter imagine #harry potter smut #tw smut

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