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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 3 days

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"Come on, take my hand." and Lup!!!!

The space in between looked an awful lot like Taako had expected it to look. The light opposite him was bright, but it didn’t hurt to look at. The area around him was dark in comparison, but not so dark that he couldn’t see the features on the figure that stood between him and the light.

His twin sister wore a black cloak that he recognized as sort of a work uniform. She smirked at Taako. “Took you long enough.”

“So this is where you were, instead of at my side.”

“Yeah, uh.” Lup rubbed the back of her neck. It wasn’t a usual habit of hers. “We- me and Kravitz and Barry talked about it, and we decided this was where I should be.”

“You left me all alone, at my deathbed.”

Lup’s nose crinkled the tiniest bit. This was an expression Taako must have seen millions of times. He knew exactly what it meant: you’re so full of shit. “You weren’t alone, goober. Kravitz was with you.”

This was true. Taako ignored her, and carried on. “Abandoned in my final moments, by my only sister…”

Lup crossed her arms. “You know, most people don’t get an official escort into the Astral Plane. I don’t have to be here, I can leave and you can go in alone.”

“Fine, fine, I’m done.”

“That’s what I thought.” Silence fell. Taako waited on Lup to turn around and lead him towards the light. She did not. “Um, everyone’s really excited to see you again. Like, Barry accidentally let it slip that it was going to be soon, and ever since then they haven’t stopped asking. Oh, and Julia is really excited to meet you. She’s super sweet, I think you’ll like her.” She paused. “So, yeah, um. Whenever you’re ready.”

The smile on her lips didn’t reach her eyes at all. “Lulu,” Taako said, soft but pointed, “are you sure you’re ready?”

Lup’s face fell. Her arms tightened around herself, and she looked away from Taako. I, I don’t know, fuck. I mean, like, I’ve known about it, I tried so hard to be ready, but I don’t…” She sighed. “It’s going to be really weird, y’know? I mean, it’s weird every time someone I know dies, but this is… you’re my twin and it’s different.” She started wiping at the corner of her eye with the bottom of her hand.

“Hey, come on now. Don’t give me that Debbie Downer bullshit. It’s not like you, and it’s creeping me out.” Taako bumped Lup’s shoulder with his own. “It’s not gonna be that bad. Can’t you, like, literally open a portal whenever the fuck you want?”

“Well, sure, but—”

“No buts! You were planning on visiting me, weren’t you?”

“Obviously, Taako!”

“You’d fuckin’ better. It doesn’t have to be weird, because whenever it feels weird, you can just tear a hole in the fabric of the universe, or whatever it is you do, and I’ll be right there. It’ll be different, sure, whatever, but it doesn’t have to be bad or weird.”

Lup sniffled, and bumped Taako’s shoulder in return. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

“I always am.” He moved to her side and slipped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, tilting her head so that the top of it touched his cheek. “Now, if you’re done making my death all about how awful it’s going to be for Lup—” Lup made a noise that was somewhere between a scoff and a chuckle, and pushed him away. “—I’m ready to see my dead friends now.”

“Yeah.” She took a deep breath and shook out her shoulders. “Okay.” She smiled— genuinely this time— and extended her hand to Taako. “Come on, then.”

#nauseous <3 #can you tell im going back through hali's writing tag ?

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 3 days

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heeeeeyyyyy bestie how about “You see, this is the part where you tell me you’re proud of me" and lucretia :0 pls and thank <3

((it has been. so long and I do not feel very well that I am not up to the task of finding the post this prompt came from im sorry))

It had been a month since the start of the cycle.

One month into a cycle, Lucretia was normally still knee-deep in her journals, taking down every bit of relevant information she could scrounge up. Normally, she’d spend the first two months in the biggest library she could find, taking down every fact she deemed relevant to understanding the new plane— the cultures, the global history, the biology, geology, physics… On planes devoid of intelligent life, she’d spend time examining the land, gleaning what she could from it.

So far this cycle, she’s mainly been sitting on the couch in the commons room of the ship, hugging her knees to her chest.

For that first month, the others gave her space, mostly just checking in to make sure she’s had enough to eat. Merle had, on occasion, put on some old music and tried to convince her to dance, but he was always quickly steered away by an apologetic Davenport.

But a month was evidently all the eggshell-walking Taako could take.

On a sunny afternoon, Taako plops down next to Lucretia on the couch with as much wordless drama as he could muster. He sticks out his index finger and spins it in a small circle: turn around.

Lucretia obliges, and as soon as she has her back to him, she feels him pulling the ties out of her hair, destroying the buns she’d put it in earlier.

It was some sort of ritual the twins had shared since long before they’d departed their home plane— when one twin was upset, the other would braid their hair. They had welcomed Lucretia into this ritual of theirs some 60 cycles ago, when she’d first realized her home, her family, were likely gone, that she’d never see them again. The braiding, it was a show of care, like the grooming behaviors of wild animals. It had a calming effect, one that would usually get the distressed party to open up.

There was nothing new to be said now, though, and so Lucretia simply closes her eyes and tries to let herself be comforted by the motion of Taako’s hands in her hair.

After some time, Taako clears his throat. “Okay, you know I’m not great at vulnerability or whatever, so you’re gonna wanna catch this one, dearest,” he tells Lucretia, an audible gentleness softening the edges of his words. “We’d all be totally boned if you weren’t one resilient fucker. And we appreciate you. And…” Lucretia feels a few definitive tugs before Taako tosses a completed braid over her shoulder, where she can see it. “…we’re all proud of you. For toughin’ it out. Our Lucy, saving the universe.”

“I…” Lucretia takes the braid, twirling the end of it nervously between her fingers. At long last, the tears she’d been struggling to cry finally came. “…thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” Taako squeezes her shoulder. “Let it all out now, and then we’re gonna start getting off this couch and having better days. Think you can do that?”

“Yeah.” She gives him a small smile. “I think I can.”

Beep! The lights on Lucretia’s helmet flash as the tip of her épée hits Taako’s torso.

“Aw, hell!” he protests.

“That makes ten hits for me, and only one for you.” Lucretia says this matter-of-factly, stern and without the smallest hint of gloating. “You’re going to have to—”

“Yeah, whatever.” Taako yanks his helmet off, knocking some flyaway strands of bleach-blonde hair out of his bun in the process. “I don’t really wanna do this anymore today, boss.”

Lucretia sighs, long and low. She doesn’t have time for one of Taako’s fits. They’ve only months until the Hunger arrives now, and the Bureau of Balance has yet to retrieve the Animus Bell because, frankly, Lucretia’s terrified to send her Reclaimers— her friends, mind you, her family— into a hellish trap she’d only barely escaped herself.

She worries about Taako most of all. She remembers from her own trip to Wonderland that healing is impossible, and physically, Taako is far weaker than the others. He’s also severely lacking in melee combat training. What if he runs out of spell slots in Wonderland? What if they take spell slots from him?

“Taako, I understand you’re frustrated, but your melee skills need significant work. How can you expect to survive the pursuit of the remaining relics if—”

“I dunno, Madam, the same way I survived the last five times I put my life in danger for you?” Taako huffs. “Look, I get I’m not the best at swinging swords or throwing punches, and maybe I should work on on that, sure, but its like, I’ve made it this far. Don’t I get any acknowledgement for that? Aren’t you going to say you’re, I dunno, proud of me? Or something?” This comes out fast— he’s speaking his mind now.

The first thing Lucretia thinks is that, even after all this time, it feels weird to hear Taako seeking some sort of emotional comfort from her. Heading the Bureau of Balance certainly did not always come natural to Lucretia, who had never seen herself as much of a leader, but she thought she did pretty well most days.

She never really got used to being in charge of Taako, Magnus, and Merle, though.

Still, she knows Taako better than he could even comprehend, knows how he hides a deep need for validation, knows what he’s missing and how much more he must ache because of it.

“Oh, Taako,” she begins, removing her own helmet, “of course I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you every day, even when I don’t say it.” She steps closer to him, represses the urge to hug him. “I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you too hard lately, and that I haven’t been giving the most constructive feedback. I just… don’t want to lose you. Really.” She looks at him, as though maybe if he looks back he’ll know how earnest she is.

Taako stares at her, wide-eyed, and she knows he isn’t sure how he should react. That’s fine. She takes his épée from him. “We’ll pick this back up tomorrow. Go on, and we’ll try to have better days from now on, alright?”

“Yeah.” He gives her a small smile. “Sure, okay. I can do that.”

#god i was thinkjng about this earlier #i am just very in my taako and Lucretia feelings lately

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 5 days

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He frowns and says, “Huh. I feel sad.”

…and he kills you.

#i love you merle

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 5 days

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Balance fic recs

some of my favorite balance fics. various ages, popularities, and lengths. i’ve been wanting to do a rec list for a while!

caramel by nevereverever

The first time Taako is left alone, it isn't pretty. But their lives are stuck in a loop and people come back and die again and again and he wonders if there will ever be a time when he doesn't have to fear being left alone.

2.7k, Taako & Lup Lup dies one cycle and then, years later, she dies again. But she always comes back. Hurt/comfort of the best kind.

Warmth by noxic

"It was a well-known fact among the residents of the Starblaster that Lup, Barry, and Taako slept in the same bed more often than not. It was one of those things that they just did without really talking about it."

2.1k, Barry & Lup & Taako The BLT fic of all time. Quality platonic adult sleepovers.

Taako the Matchmaker by @fantasysamsclub

In which Taako tries to set up his sister. Events take place during Stolen Century.

11.1k, Blupjeans & Taako Taako tries to set up blupjeans. Miscommunication ensues. Very sweet and funny.

red fishing line by @anistarrose

A routine performance of Sizzle it Up goes nightmarishly wrong, and at Lup’s bedside, Taako feels helpless. And when a red-robed guest appears before him, Taako doesn’t know how or what to feel at all.

3k, Barry & Lup & Taako Also the BLT fic of all time. Excellent subtle Taako characterization, and my favorite depiction of the familiarity-but-not of being voidfished. Warning for major character death.

Sunny-Side Up by @barry-j-blupjeans

And the world? The world loved Taako. For once in his gods-damned life, people loved him. They didn’t care about all the flaws, they didn’t care where he came from or who he was before. They loved his food and they loved him. No one would ever quite be at Taako’s level and that was something he thrived on. There would never be anyone who could measure up. Taako deserved this happiness. He worked for it. He wasted his fucking life away for it.

5.7k, Taako A wonderful character study, revolving around the role food plays in Taako's life. Fairly minor but impactful characters like Sazed and Taako's aunt are utilized in a very meaningful way. So well-written and warm. Warning for brief suicidal ideation.

On the Deck of the Starblaster by @papergardener

“What the… what are you all doing? We have work to do!” It’s a justified reaction, Lucretia thinks, to finding your entire crew literally lazing about on deck not an hour into this new cycle. “This one's on me,” Taako says. “It’s a new trend I like to call: taking a fucking break.” Cycle Nintey-Five. Everyone’s maybe not doing so good and could use a little warmth.

6.5k, Lucretia & Taako Near the end of the century, Lucretia is feeling rough. Taako pulls her out of her funk and initiates a much needed rest. Fantastic characterization, of Lucretia as a whole, and the loyal, warm side of Taako. Warning for mentions of a suicide attempt and suicidal ideation.

leaving, as an injustice by @anistarrose

When Mavis is eight, she starts finding her Dad asleep on the couch in the morning. Sometimes, he’s even all the way out on their tiny patio, with his head slumped onto a pillow atop the chess table, and bags beneath his eyes. In one of their following games, he tells her about tactical retreats.

4.7k, Mavis & Merle A study of Mavis and her relationship to Merle. Incredibly insightful into criminally underrated characters. Excellent Merle characterization.

Permission by vaguenotion

She’d been doing this on and off for the last hour, as if daring the men to catch up to them. Daring them to fight her. Every time seemed like a final stand. Here is where I will meet them, her shoulders said, hiked up around her ears. Here is where I’ll make them pay for what they’ve done. But then Taako would grab her hand, and she would turn and see the bruising on his throat, the blood drying on his brow, the tear in his shirt. And she would grip his hand in hers and together they would keep running.

12.6k, Taako & Lup My favorite depiction of the twins as children, both in character and realistic. Beautifully atmospheric, with so many small details that make the setting feel so real. Warning for assault and harm to children.

Come Hell or High Water by @nillial

“Taako,” Hurley asks, “where’s your magic umbrella?” Taako looks behind him. He had tossed the Umbrastaff in the path of a neighboring vehicle, which was beginning to catch up to them. He sees them now, far in the distance, and he sees his Umbrastaff, too, lying dangerously close to its wheels. As if on cue, he watches the tires crush it to pieces. “Whoops,” he says. - Lup is trapped. And then she isn’t. --- In which Taako breaks his umbrella during the Petals to the Metal race, unknowingly freeing Lup, who is almost immediately captured by Kravitz. After becoming a member of the Raven Queen's retinue with Kravitz as her trainer, she has two missions: 1) find her family, and 2) ruin Kravitz's afterlife. A story about enemies becoming friends and lost families finding their way back to one another.

197k (currently), Lup & Kravitz Incredible characterization. I love the way Lup is written. Hilarious shenanigans, sweet friendship-building, and terribly sad sometimes, because it dives deep into the reality of Lup existing in a world that's forgotten her.

Very cold water on a very hot day by @keplercryptids

Sometimes a family is a nerd who can't swim and the crunchy-haired watersport inventor who teaches him how. Surfer lingo required.

3.1k, Barry & Taako Deep dive into the beach year. Excellently in character, well-written dialogue, and a beautiful depiction of their growing friendship.

Children of Atlas by @papergardener

They’ve survived the apocalypse and now as far as they know, they’re the only ones left. Perhaps it was inevitable that they’d consider… repopulation. Lucretia writes up a weekly schedule to try and address that. Absolutely no one is happy with this.

76k (currently), IPRE crew The premise for this one is incredibly offputting, but I'm so glad I gave it a chance. The characterization and quality of writing is absolutely wonderful. I also love the attention to detail of the realistic difficulty of just surviving. Fantastically atmospheric, this fic dives deep into the uncertainty and fear of the first cycle, when the crew are all strangers, and the love that turns them into a family. Warning for extensive discussion of sexual assault.

Emissary Davenport by DragonWrites

A series of stories where Captain Davenport is secretly an emissary of Garl Glittergold, Gnomish god of pranks. And when you're a serious-minded captain on a mission to save all of reality, having a cheerful trickster god as your unexpected patron can get a little strange...

300k, Davenport A series of four works set in an AU where Davenport is an emissary to the leader of the gnomish pantheon. My absolute favorite depiction of Davenport, ever. The first three works are explorations of Davenport as a character and the relationships between people and gods in a DnD world. The last, Lost Gods, is the best fanfiction I've ever read. I can't express how good it is. The attention to detail among myriad plot threads, the building of themes, the characterization across just about every single character in Balance, all come together to create 223k words of a genuine masterpiece.

#YES YES YES read these gooooooo go read them

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 5 days

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#dndbdjfbsknf happy floor twenty to those who celebrate #audio

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 6 days

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being a fan of a friend's ocs is actually so humiliating....... like yes my favourite character rn is tragically doomed and a pillar of humanity who i think is relevant to the current world. you can find information about them on discord dot com and sometimes in late-night conversations with this guy i know. what the fuck

#JADE TRINH JADE TRINH JADE TRINH I LOVE YOU JADE TRINH

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 6 days

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[image description; a digital black and red portrait of lup from the adventure zone. she is a tall and thin black elf woman with pointy ears and long very curly hair tied into a ponytail. she is wearing a red robe and a pair of long circular earrings.]

#OOOOOOOH MY GOD #this is stunning this is delicious i gotta stare at it for a while

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 6 days

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entering a fandom tag simulator:

character drawn whitewashed

character drawn way too skinny

person complaining about some truly awful take that you've never heard of in your life, but you're willing to believe that it's real and out there somewhere because you've seen worse

blacklisted ship

blacklisted username

blacklisted username posting blacklisted ship

a ship you that do like but you're kind of tired of it representing 95% of the non-blacklisted content

untagged ship

new ship to add to your blacklist

some OC stuff that's not your cup of tea but this time you do actually wish those artists the best, it seems like they're having fun

incredibly long photoset of 12-plus different fandoms, united only by only the most tenuous common thread. obviously, each individual fandom and character is tagged

("sort by recent" only edition) some of the most beautiful jaw-dropping unfathomably high-effort fanart art you've ever had the honor of seeing in your life. obviously, it has 3 total notes

#god theres so much whitewashed art lately too #truly this is why i burrow through moots' blogs like some kind of rodent

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 6 days

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hey the adventure zone is a really good podcast, idk if anyone following me is aware of that

#man a relisten is good for the soul #rip (reeses in pieces)

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 6 days

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read here or on ao3!

Being a Regulator was one of the worst jobs Killian had ever decided to take. Don’t get her wrong, she knew that the purpose she served was great; she totally believed in doing everything in her power to keep the world safe, but it was so incredibly lonely. A good portion of Killian’s job description involved being prepared to kill any of her colleagues at a given moment. Didn’t exactly make for the most fun office relationships.

It was scary to think that at any moment, anyone in the Bureau could make a break against their procedures and require - well – regulation. When the Director had first approached about employment, Killian didn’t think much about it.

Okay, so my duties would be to stop people who use these things that you’re looking for?

In very simple terms, yes.

Great. When do I start?

Are you certain, Killian? This is going to be a highly dangerous job.

Listen, Madam Director, it beats the current gig I got so I’m in.

As the Bureau grew and turned into something much grander and more professional, Killian began to excel. She proved herself time and time again to be the most competent Regulator that the Bureau had. But it was that fact that she grappled with most.

Killian tried to keep a neutral face when she entered the Director’s office. She was being sent down planetside, though the details of the mission hadn’t yet been revealed to her.

“Killian, thank you for coming so quickly. As you know, your services are needed,” The Director’s face looked troubled and far away. “It’s Brian.” Killian let out a sharp, exasperated laugh.

“No way, Brian? Magic Brian? Director, surely there’s some kind of mistake! He wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Killian thought of the highly complimentary, dramatic drow she’d met her first day on the base. They had both been in the first crop of employees and they had become fast friends. Everyone had taken to calling him Magic Brian because he was simply too bombastic to have such a plain name. And he was one of the most accomplished arcanists any of the Bureau employees had seen.

“Killian, I wish that were the case. Unfortunately, during his reconnaissance mission to locate the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, he began to turn his back on the Bureau. Rather than seeking the Gauntlet for the good of the organization, we have it on good authority that he has started to seek it out for personal gain. In fact, we believe that he has,” the Director paused for a moment, considering her words carefully. “We believe he has hostages of sorts. It’s vital that you get down there, deal with him, and if you can, retrieve the Gauntlet.” Killian’s stomach fell. Regulating was one thing. That was her job, one she was very good at. But the idea of having to actually handle one of the relics herself? It scared her more than she cared to say.

“And I’m going alone?”

“Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be another option. Leeman is in the midst of preparing for a reclaiming mission himself and I don’t feel comfortable sending another Seeker down because I do fear that would put you in a hard position. Furthermore, I don’t believe the other Regulators are capable yet, frankly.” Killian’s thoughts rushed to Carey Fangbattle and to Boyland. Her regulator team. She was the unofficial captain, she supposed. She’d been at the Bureau for a few months longer than the two of them. And she also understood the Director’s unspoken addendum. She didn’t want to send more Regulators than necessary in case Killian herself had to be dealt with. Killian clenched her jaw, hoping no hesitation showed on her face.

“I’ll go get suited up and meet you and Avi at the hangar.”

“Actually, it’s just going to be Avi. He’s now going to be the sole one in charge of the Bureau’s transportation needs. The Millers have been working on adjustments to our system that make it easier to be manned by a single operator.”

“Oh shit, good for him.”

“Yes, he’s proven himself to be quite competent.” Lucretia reached into her desk and retrieved parchment and an inkwell. Killian turned to leave the Director’s office. “Oh, and Killian?”

“Yes, Madam Director?” the Director pressed her lips into a tight line.

“Don’t disclose the details of this to anyone yet. I know this is likely going to hit everyone hard and I frankly don’t want you to have to deal with that. I’ll figure out how to break the news.” Killian nodded and exited the office.

Late in the night she returned from the ruins of Phandalin, Killian found herself in the voidfish’s chambers. There had been a miraculous amount of excitement at the fact that a relic had been recovered and that the Bureau’s Reclaimer team had grown by three. Killian had done her best to slip away, sight unseen after she debriefed with the Director. She didn’t exactly feel like celebrating.

Instead, she felt like sitting on the ground in front of the voidfish’s tank, basking in its gentle light. She knew that Brian's Rites of Remembrance had been hastily done since the Director informed the Bureau of his treason. Traitors don’t get honor. But they do get grief, Killian thought to herself. She knew that Brian was too far gone by the time she reached him. She knew that he’d been ready to kill her with no second thought. She knew that he’d betrayed the Bureau and that betrayals wouldn’t stand in the organization. But all those facts didn’t keep her heart from twinging at the thought of Brian’s life just being wiped from memory.

“How’re you holding up?” Killian turned and saw Johann stride out from the shadows of the large room. She sighed and shrugged. Johann gazed at the voidfish for a moment before sitting on the ground beside her. They sat in silence for a while until a squeak by the doorway caused them both to turn around. Avi gave a meek wave before entering the room.

“Hey Avi,” Killian murmured quietly. He said nothing as he sat on Killian’s other side. The trio’s gazed up at the voidfish.

“Killian,” Avi began suddenly, “How was he?”

“He wasn’t himself. Not at all. I don’t know if that made it easier or harder, to be honest. I'm just glad that it wasn’t me who did him in.”

“Right, it was one of the new guys?” Johann turned to look at Killian for a moment. She nodded.

“Yeah, that new wizard, Taako, I think. I just still can’t believe he’s gone.” Killian didn’t tell anyone about the fact that she didn’t land a single hit on Magic Brian or his stupid fucking spider. She went running as soon as she could.

Avi tilted his head back and frowned. “Shit. His fiancé.” The trio grimaced. They all had lovely and ornate invitations in their own dormitories to Brian’s wedding. But at least the voidfish was supposed to handle all the messy things for the non-inoculated.

“I'm gonna miss that son of a bitch.” Johann mused quietly.

“Me too.” A gravitas-filled voice made the trio turn. The Director stood in the doorway, flanked by Carey and Boyland. They approached, staying mostly silent. Carey squeezed Killian’s shoulder and the six of them stayed in the voidfish’s chambers for some time.

Killian really did her best to keep from getting close to her coworkers, especially after what she was forced to do in Wave Echo Cave. It was terrifying to think that someday someone could be her coworker and then her assignment the very next day. Annoyingly, though, Carey Fangbattle seemed determined to break through Killian’s walls. She had done her best to get Killian to open up about her past, her fears, and everything in-between. Killian did her best to keep the dragonborn woman at arm’s length but the rogue was persistent.

“So, what was your deal before the Bureau?” she had asked one day while the pair was sparring. Boyland was home visiting family.

“Uh, you know, typical stuff. Pretty small family, we’re from a town outside of Neverwinter. They’re mostly all fighters so I took up that mantle. It was a pretty basic choice. What about you?”

“Heh, less basic than that. Small family too, just my parents, my brother, and me. He became a bard and I became a rogue. Our parents hate both these paths for both of us,” Carey chuckled after dodging a particularly swift sideswipe from Killian. “But you can’t ever seem to please barbarians, you know?” Killian laughed stepped out of the way of a deft roll Carey did. They continued sparring and joking for hours.

Killian found herself back in the voidfish’s chambers after she heard about Leeman Kessler and again after she heard about Captain Captain Bane. She hadn’t been particularly close to either of them be she saw that both these losses hurt Avi and Lucretia, respectively. Both times, she found herself surrounded by the five others who’d come together after the death of Magic Brian. They never coordinated it or spoke about it but something about basking in the company of each other in the glow of the voidfish gave them all a comfort none of them would admit to needing. At one point, Carey began to slip in beside Killian, forcing Avi to scoot to the orc’s other side. The rest of them changed position pretty frequently, depending on when they arrived. The Director eventually began siting on the floor with the five of them. When they were all in their unofficial ceremony for Captain Captain Bane, everyone had the courtesy to ignore the few tears shed by the Director.

Killian began to grow closer to Carey which scared the orc. It wasn’t that she didn’t love all the joy that the rogue brought her. That wasn’t it at all. But she couldn’t help but think about the fact that part of both their job descriptions involved being prepared to destroy their colleagues at any given moment. It wasn’t that Killian didn’t want to grow closer to Carey. If she was being honest, she’d love nothing more. She was just terrified.

Five of them gathered after Killian and Carey returned from the Miller’s lab. Boyland’s Rites ceremony wouldn’t be performed for some time. None of them were prepared to write out every detail of the man who’d brightened their days countless times.

They’d all already gathered after learning of the passing of Maureen Miller, but this time was different.

Maureen Miller and Lucas Miller would not receive Rites, though that didn’t stop the group from mourning them. Killian and Carey had quietly agreed to keep up the charade Magnus had set up in the lab. They both intended on interrogating him about it, but this was not the place to unwind it.

Truthfully, all of them were openly crying. Their tears were mostly quiet but they traced bright, shiny paths down their faces in the glow of the tank.

“Fucking Boyland. Him and his fucking cigars,” Carey said, leaning against Killian. She said nothing, instead choosing to wrap a protective arm around the dragonborn woman.

“I just can’t stop thinking about all his kids,” Avi’s face was unusually solemn. He retrieved his flask from his pocket and took a swig from it before passing it to Johann.

“Well, I mean, I understand that he was using a relic but,” Johann took a swig and passed the flask to Killian “Lucas was just a kid. I can’t believe that the Miller line is just… gone.”

Killian drank from the flask and passed it to Carey. “I can’t believe all the sketchy shit he was doing in that lab.” Carey gulped down some Brandywine and tentatively passed the flask to the Director.

“Grief is one hell of a drug,” the Director said hollowly, draining the remainder of the flask. “He was destroyed by the loss of his mother. Losing a loved one makes you do terrible things, especially if you think you could get them back.” She slid the flask back to Avi. The four others in the chamber glanced at the Director but said nothing. She was a woman who seemed to be haunted by griefs none of them could ever imagine.

Killian let her guard down at last. She let Carey inside her walls and was truthfully never happier. There was still an ever-present stripe of fear in Killian’s heart but somehow, when Carey was in her arms, it didn’t matter so much. Killian decided to appreciate and love Carey while she was alive rather than wait until she was despairing in front of a cryptic fish with an assortment of her closest friends and confidants.

After the day of Story and Song, after the Hunger had been defeated, after the base had been cleaned up, after a world of revelations had come to light, Killian and Carey found themselves in the voidfish’s chambers. Well, what used to be the voidfish’s chambers. Fisher was no longer there, the tank was shattered, and there was a noticeable absence in the room. They still sat in the spots they’d become so used to sitting in, though the room was far darker than it used to be. They both had their head in their hands when they heard familiar footsteps pad into the room. Avi practically collapsed next to Killian. She wrapped an arm around her friend and pulled him in close. None of them could speak. What could you say?

“I can’t believe it. In his last fucking act he just –“ Avi broke his sentence off and shook his head. He reached into his pocket and fished out his flask, dented but still functional. He held it up in a toasting motion and took a deep drink. Killian grabbed it from him and followed suit before passing it to Carey. Like a ghost, the Director, Lucretia, the woman they all suddenly knew in ways they never expected, appeared at Carey’s side. She wordlessly and unceremoniously sat down, taking the flask.

“How are you all doing?” she asked after a sip of Brandywine.

“Uh, not fucking great.” Avi reached out for the flask with one hand, scrubbing tears away with the other.

“Yeah, Madam Director, it’s been a bit of a day,” Carey said hoarsely before burying her face into Killian’s side.

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Well, how are you doing, Lucretia?” Killian asked after a moment of silence. Lucretia barked out a humorless laugh.

“Shitty.”

Carey and Killian’s wedding was a beautiful affair, but it wasn’t without its more somber moments. The two women had an entire row of empty chairs reserved at the ceremony. They said nothing about their purpose but it didn’t take much energy to determine their purpose.

At one point in the evening, the pair found themselves sitting with Avi and Lucretia.

“And here’s the beautiful couple!” Avi said brightly, wrapping the brides in a tight hug.

“The ceremony was beautiful,” Lucretia delivered a hug to the couple once they detangled from Avi.

“It really was, huh?” Carey squeezed Killian’s hand. Killian’s smile was tinged with sadness.

“Hey um. Thank you both for being here. There’s already too many people missing and I don’t know how it would have been without you both.”

“Killian, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” Lucretia reached a hand out and squeezed the orc’s arm. Avi looked around and snagged four glasses of champagne off a waiter’s tray. After passing glasses to the three women around him, Avi raised his glass in a toast.

“To Johann and Boyland.”

Carey raised her glass. “To Noelle and Captain Captain Bane.”

Lucretia followed suit. “To Maureen Miller and Magic Brian.”

Killian raised her glass. “Fuck it, to Fisher and Junior.” The four laughed gently before toasting.

Killian was never more grateful for her friends than she was in that moment. So much had been lost in the pursuit of balance, but she was grateful that their memories would remain with her. And she was never so glad to have been finished with a job.

#man remember when i wrote more than twice a year?#anyway uh this is still one of my favorite lil rush jobs ive ever done #srb

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 6 days

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gotta say, being a balance fan does make playing the lost mines of phandelver so much harder

not for spoiler reasons or anything, just because I'm constantly struck by thoughts of Barry J Bluejeans

#my dm got my ass though #'should be noted that this guy isnt wearing Any blue'#rip (reeses in pieces)

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 6 days

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taz balance one-shot recs!

I've been meaning to make this post for a while now, so here we are! The majority of these are from the past three years or so, because I love a fandom classic as much as anyone, but I particularly want to shine a light on some gems from after the peak of traffic in the fandom tags! There are of course also exceptions that are older, though.

Also, April 19th-21st are Just Leave a Comment Fest, so please show these authors some love!! They're all so deserving!

a recipe for home by @journalofimprobablethings: Taako tries to cook for the first time since Glamour Springs. When things go awry, Lucretia is there to lend a hand.

Gen (Taako & Lucretia), 3.5k. Early B.O.B. era hurt/comfort centered around cooking, with a delicious dollop of sentimentality and dramatic irony on top.

Seven Times Magnus Burnsides Gave Someone A Hug + One Time He Received One by @barry-j-blupjeans: Magnus wasn't really any good at— at words. He was more of an action man. Or, y'know, a "I'll take this hit so you don't have to" man. Talking to someone about their feelings was all kinds of weird, so usually he just left the space for someone else to talk. And, well... Magnus wasn't good at words. But there's a few different ways to get his support across.

Mostly gen with some Magnulia, 8.6k. You've all heard of the classic 5 Plus 1, but obviously Magnus deserves a 7 Plus 1! I don't know how to describe it without spoilers other than being full of incredibly sweet, gentle takes on so many fraught or bittersweet moments. Super underrated, do give it a read.

Embrace the Dark by @ceilingfan5: Bookstore coworkers Kravitz and Taako get more than they bargained for when Taako tries to use his powers to fix Kravitz's migraine. But it's okay--it's an excuse for them to spend time together until one of them can nut up and ask the other out.

Taakitz, 8.9k. Modern with Superpowers AU! Super sweet interactions between Kravitz and Taako, paired with lots of fun background worldbuilding. And, of course, a very special grilled cheese sandwich.

Break This Heavy Chain by Punka_Writes: In the immediate aftermath of Story and Song, Barry Bluejeans could really use a hug.

Blupjeans and misc. platonic interactions, 2.3k. The absolute epitome of comfort food in written form, with excellent Barry characterization (and of course, he does get that hug)!

birds of a feather steal sweaters together by @holdmecloser-gandydancer: When you're a big, burly guy it seems that your clothes just become free reign for all your friends. Normally Magnus is a reasonable guy, but everyone has their limits.

Gen (IPRE crew), 1.9k. Starblaster era fluff! Everyone is written absolutely delightfully, and every time I read it I snort out loud at least twice.

Security by @ceilingfan5: Barry has finally made it--his incredible scientific discovery has landed him a huge fortune...and a lot of problems. The only good thing that's come of it, honestly, has been his bodyguard, Lup. (And the science. That's good also.) He's just gotta stay normal about how nice it is to have someone like Lup around, and also not perish by way of press circuit, and everything will be fine.

Blupjeans, 6k. Modern with magic AU from Barry's POV, featuring equal parts anxiety and pining. Also, it's straight-up extremely funny.

Lonesome Dreams by @jerreeeeeee: Taako wakes up one morning from a nightmare, fast fading. There was a guy in glasses, and they were… somewhere high up? Something terrible happened, but he doesn’t remember. He wakes up in a wagon he’s never seen before, but it has his name on it. There’s tons of food inside, more than he’d be able to afford. And he’s alone. Thinking back to the last thing he remembers is difficult. College? No, he’d graduated. Top of his class, obviously, he remembers that. But what- what happened after? Where is Lup?

Gen (Taako & Lup), 10.2k. Everything starts out the same, except Taako remembers Lup, even if not how she went missing, and it's incredibly underrated and full of phenomenal characterization. I won't spoil how things shake out, but it's a great emotional ride and I genuinely reread it all the time.

it's my party and I'll mope if I want to by @holdmecloser-gandydancer: Taako's birthday is just another Thursday. A detective and an old friend have a different idea.

Gen (Taako & Lucretia & Angus), 2.1k. Short and so sweet! Fics about voidfished!Taako's birthday never get old, and this is one of my absolute favorites. Nailing the angst-to-wholesome ratio.

Tedious Familiarity by @barry-j-blupjeans: Déjà vu. Noun. A feeling of having already experienced the present situation. A tedious familiarity. Barry Bluejeans woke up in a cave, fresh out of a pod filled with green goop, and saddled with an unsettling feeling that he had been here before. If you had asked forty-year-old Barry if he would follow instructions left by a talking coin, he probably would have asked you what type of drugs you were on. But, y’know, fifty… two? Fifty-one? How old was he? Fifty-two sounded right. But, y’know, fifty-two years old Barry didn’t really have that many other places to turn, so this couldn't be all that bad.

Gen, 4.1k. Missing scenes based off Barry's decade alone, written in such an effective style, where all the little details truly make it. Mandatory reading for fellow Barry angst enjoyers.

Angus McDonald and the Wonderland Escape Rooms by coppersunshine: When Angus gets grounded from detecting, to keep his skills sharp he becomes a patron of the Wonderland Escape rooms, run by Edward and Lydia, who quickly decide he's their new nemesis. To their surprise, Angus and the collection of weird adults he's accompanied by decide otherwise.

Gen (Angus & Edward & Lydia), 7k. Modern with magic AU, putting Edward and Lydia in the absolute funniest possible job, at which a little boy detective torments... and maybe, even gives them a chance to turn over a new leaf. I am of the opinion that Angus and the Wonderland twins have a criminally underexplored dynamic, and this fic gave me everything I wanted.

If the Sun and Moon Should Doubt by Punka_Writes: Merle Highchurch, on the brink of a bad decision.

Gen, 1.6k. Merle character study immediately before running out on his marriage. Truly the incredible characterization that Merle deserves; this was a fic that really ignited my love for him.

Greensleeves by @sgrumby: Kravitz has never seen a lich like this before, and he's seen a lot of liches. Merle is just trying to save the universe, thanks very much.

Gen (Kravitz & Merle), 2.2k. A unique and also absolutely genius Lich!Merle AU where Kravitz inevitably comes after him, and Merle is... well, the Peacemaker, of course!

#waaaaaaagh thank you 🥺#also i have read Most of these and i cannot recommend them enough #god i need to read greensleeves again holy shit #fic rec

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