#SORRY FOR NOT POSTING. BEING ONLINE IS SCARY FOR ME RIGHT NOW I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

800db-cloud · 6 months

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i drew this out of delirium and i couldnt stop laughing for 5 minutes straight

#super smash bros #super smash brothers #pikmin #f-zero #captain olimar #olimar #captain falcon #captainshipping #bulbie #era.png #SORRY FOR NOT POSTING. BEING ONLINE IS SCARY FOR ME RIGHT NOW I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND

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loverofpiggies · 1 year

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Just read through your whole post and hot dang. I'm honestly really proud of you, and the amount of growth you've had. it's not easy to look inward, and it's certainly not easy to confront those things in our past that make us the way we are, but I'm glad you did. A few bits hit a bit close to home for me as well. Back before my egg cracked and I realized I was trans, I would get picked on by my siblings a lot. I'd get called a girl, and given "girly" names. It was the worst, and I tried to fight back, but it never helped. That and having such deep wells of anger in me all the time, and not really knowing why, or how to get rid of them, or if I even could. I relate a lot to those feelings, and I also relate to having those feelings gradually going away as soon as I addressed the underlying problem(my transness) I dunno how much this will mean to you but for me, as a trans woman, I'm really proud of the journey you've been on. I hope you find yourself being more comfortable in your own skin, and I hope that you have a great day ^u^

Hey there! I won't lie. Posting my post had me pretty nervous. Anxiety and paranoia are things I kinda deal with anyway, but. I felt like I was hiding my problems for too long, and in my heart (as sappy as I may sound) I believed if I just opened up about what I've felt my last few years and was honest, that people would accept it. It was scary to post at all! But... I want to say, that all the messages I've gotten have meant the world. So it means so, so much to hear you say this, especially from a trans woman. To hear that my experiences with my own gender, even being cis, were things trans people have dealt with, was a huge eye opener. And as you could tell from my post, those deep wells of anger you felt, god I know that feeling.

Part of my guilt, anger and shame from this, is actually why I went so quiet online for so long. It's hard to parse all of my emotions, but I've also always had this terrible feeling I never 'deserved' anything good that happened, because 'I was so horrible'. That's also why I had to stop working on Gloomverse. I didn't feel like I deserved the followers I had, or any of that. Truthfully I'm not in the right place to work on GV at this point in time anyway (Partly because I've been so obsessed with game dev fun) but it was a significant factor that caused me to stop. And I was too ashamed to admit it, even to myself, why I really did.

But messages like yours, and the messages I've gotten for my most recent post... I think I'm repeating myself, so I'm sorry, but it's hard to express how free I feel now. I feel like this monstrous weight has been lifted, and maybe I shouldn't have been to harsh about what I 'deserve'. I feel like I'm the happiest I've been in years! So yes. Your message means a lot to me, and I'm glad my post resonated with people. I just hope talking about my experiences can help someone else, too. Also don't worry, I recognize I'm not actually horrible! Horrible people don't feel bad about doing and thinking horrible things, and that was another thing I had to slap my own face to wake me up from.

Okay yall, I promise now my blog will return to fun silly stuff!

#tw: transphobia #transphobia #cqchat

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miracledarling · 9 months

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Hey Renna I hope you're doing well...

I'm sorry if this might come off as trauma dumping but I really just need someone to talk to....

I'm really frustrated with myself since I lack persistence...Like I'll wake up one day and be like I'm gonna manifest my dr but after like a day or two I'll start wavering and eventually I'll go back to my old state. This cycle has been going on ever since I found abt the law.

I was really REALLY behind with my school work (I attend online school), I didn't study for my exams and everything was just piling up...So I decided that I'd just manifest being up to date with all my school and acing my exams despite not studying...Now my school break is over and as you can guess none of these things have manifested...Why? because I persisted for like a day and let my negative thoughts win...Now here I am even more stressed and desperate...

Ik that this is something no blogger can help me with, I've read all your manifesting posts plus other bloggers, I've listen to Edward art and I've read some of Neville's books, I know everything there is to know about the law...But I keep on going back to my old state...I don't even know why I do this to myself tbh cause it SUCKS here, like there's nothing to look forward too, yet I keep on going back to the old state...

Rereading this ask just made me realize how stupid I am... Like I'd rather stress about the 3D then persist in the new state...starting from now on I'm just gonna work on my self concept because my core beliefs abt how life works are still pretty f'd up and I'll stop giving myself stupid deadlines...

I will be back with a success story soon...

This post is kinda all over the place but I hope you understand what I mean...I love your blog btw

hi darling, i am so sorry for the late response(left tumblr for a bit🥲) i hope u can see this answer 💕💕

first you are not stupid honey, its okay to feel stuck. bear with me alright, it will be okay

Like I'll wake up one day and be like I'm gonna manifest my dr but after like a day or two I'll start wavering and eventually I'll go back to my old state.

ik how that feels, but you have to understand that YOU are the only one that can make the change for yourself. break the cycle is the first step, break the cycle or it will loop tomorrow.

getting into a new state is like moving into a new home. it may feel unfamiliar, unnatural, different at first. even uncomfortable. but as you return and accept it, keep living in it, it will feel natural. you will learn to accept it as true. your reality is what you are aware of as a fact. aka assumptions.

you are not the past. you are not the old story. you are not your thoughts. you are not your feelings. you are not your state

what are you being right now? what are you aware of as a fact? what are you assuming as true?

I AM happy, I AM safe, I AM healthy, I AM loved

if there are mistakes, let go of past mistakes. you can revise even. stop clinging onto the past, stop clinging onto the old story. be who you are now.

Ik that this is something no blogger can help me with, I've read all your manifesting posts plus other bloggers, I've listen to Edward art and I've read some of Neville's books, I know everything there is to know about the law...But I keep on going back to my old state...

trust yourself honey. you will help yourself more than any of us can ever. you will thank yourself so much once you start trusting yourself for guidance. asking yourself for clarity

truth is, most of the answers are within us. we have them. everything is here. so you don't need more outside guidance.

yes it can be scary to stop looking for outer confirmation. it might feel like you're doing it wrong, that you're missing out on something helpful. keep trusting yourself to help you.

try your best to resist the urge to go back to the old story. i've once heard someone say: you must get uncomfortable to get comfortable. you may feel discomfort in the new state but focus on the end and the end only. it will all be okay. you don't need to force anything, allow yourself to surrender to imagination and feel the end as true. you don't need to be positive 247, a mental diet is not forcing thoughts to be good. rather, pay attention to your inner world and place your awareness on what matters ⭐️

whenever you feel frustrated, always go back to the END. live in the END in your head. always take care of yourself out there though. stidy if you must, but you are the perfect student in imagination

you are free in imagination. trust your imagination and free yourself in imagination

i don't know much about your circumstances but i just want to let you know that you can get through this. you can do it dear. i know you might have been through a lot but as long as you trust yourself, it will be alright honey. 💕

yes you will be back with a success story soon. and i know you are succeeding. you are successful. you have succeeded

ily and hope i could help you🥹🤍✨

#ask #loa #law of assumption #loassumption #neville goddard

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beardedmrbean · 12 days

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Sorry sorry, I know it fiction, but Jesus first Rowling and now this guy.

They doesn’t really understand American culture

https://x.com/discussingfilm/status/1779570150691238374?s=46

Oh Brits we are still PISSED with FDR multiple terms and what I keep looking up. A lot of ww2 are probably beating FDR with his own wheelchair in the afterlife

Also mortar striking civilians on USA soil? I pretty sure a lot for military personnel will be more blind and deaf than Hellen Keller

Just because the pres is the boss, doesn’t mean we listen to every goddamn thing he said

So there this videogame series called the Division

It a post apocalyptic setting that centered around the leak smallpox virus stimulation Dark Winter as this trailer pointed out

https://youtu.be/b8LLVLJd-WM?si=Ie83PrOth32fAAlw

And here the opening for the first game(plays the second one because it was for 3$ once)

https://youtu.be/8lSNNyHzmc4?si=FSEuBEExSpXth7em

And yes the community did pandemic jokes, first it was Wuhan…then the scary similarities when covid hit us

Keep in mind the first division game was announce 10 years ago this summer. So how da fuck a online shooter and looter predicted a pandemic we went through so well

Now why I saying that because the division have you fight in a godforsaken nyc and Washington DC…..well..more godforsaken? Well you got hi tech to protect yourself

Also is there a real life MLK library in dc?…I had to shoot it up in a sidequest…sorry king

Yes it got the Tom Clancy logo that Ubisoft love to slap on its military oriented games.

But division ironically feel more realistically because despite being in a post apocalyptic setting. It let you do altruistic acts like help my ally settlements like there one sidequest where I could get some more power to a settlement that allow kids play some video games

Actually there a clip I dm you of Npcs that made me think I doing a damn

Sorry I think because in America we often take a piss out of our founding father or president(Franklin, Jefferson, FDR, JKF, Clinton, Bush, Trump. You ones that list)

I just find it hard that we would be become devoted to a fascist president when we usually just treat the president as a lesser evil that we tolerate for 4-8 years.

Part of the fight scene at the end of (I think) the first Sam Rami Spiderman film, Spidey is trying to do a rescue and gobby is being gobby and all of a sudden everyone remembers they're a New Yorker and starts chucking rocks at him among other things.

Microcosm of US culture right there that this guy doesn't get, wouldn't just be TX and CA, if there was a genuine threat there wouldn't be one for long.

After we took care of that issue we'd go back to hating each other.

ect. Just because the pres is the boss, doesn’t mean we listen to every goddamn thing he said

Ya plenty of defiance, usually not violent, we take it to the courts.

And yes the community did pandemic jokes, first it was Wuhan…then the scary similarities when covid hit us

There were lots of Resident Evil jokes about that one to, that and Plague Inc.

Keep in mind the first division game was announce 10 years ago this summer. So how da fuck a online shooter and looter predicted a pandemic we went through so well.

We were predicting it on here too, mostly as a joke though. Simpsons too.

One of the first things I said after it started getting traction as a news story is 'I hope no idiot says something stupid that triggers a toilet paper shortage caused by hoarders'

Because it's incredible how predictable these things can be.

Also is there a real life MLK library in dc?…I had to shoot it up in a sidequest…sorry king

'I have a dream that one day people will need to bust a cap in a fictional version of my library' - the ghost of MLK probably.

But division ironically feel more realistically because despite being in a post apocalyptic setting. It let you do altruistic acts like help my ally settlements like there one sidequest where I could get some more power to a settlement that allow kids play some video games

We're the most charitable people on earth iirc so that makes sense.

Actually there a clip I dm you of Npcs that made me think I doing a damn

if ya like, feel free

Sorry I think because in America we often take a piss out of our founding father or president(Franklin, Jefferson, FDR, JKF, Clinton, Bush, Trump. You ones that list) I just find it hard that we would be become devoted to a fascist president when we usually just treat the president as a lesser evil that we tolerate for 4-8 years.

There's a real failure to learn out there, what with what everyone seems to think the president has the authority to do.

Student loan thing for example, everyone got pissed at the supreme court for upholding the separation of powers as defined in the constitution and they quoted nacy saying he lacked the authority in their ruling.

President doesn't control the money, congress does, president sends a budget to congress and they say yes or no, president can declare war congress can say we're not paying for it, president can say I'm building a wall on the southern border, congress can say we're not paying for that.

Things would work out better for online debate if folks took a elementary civics course and actually committed that stuff to memory

#zoomer huey anon

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dreamhot · 2 years

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hey folks

i've expressed this in passing on my alt, but i wanted to start off by saying that i've remained relatively quiet on the situation for numerous reasons - the primary one being that i didn't want to position myself as a place where people would go in order to form their own opinions. others have made more detailed posts on why that can be a problem (see: anchoring bias, as one potential issue), but for me, it was mostly because there was simply no accounting for how everyone might be reacting to the situation. i could speak for myself and nobody else - so why bother, in a circumstance in which we were (and still are) missing so much information?

however, the potential downside of silence is twofold: 1) some people conflate neutrality with a defense of the 'bad' option, and 2) those who share a similar stance might feel... very alone, in an incredibly divisive environment. the most vocal parties are almost always the extremes, and sometimes it feels as though there's no room for people who don't feel they fit in with either camp. and while this is online drama (meaning it doesn't functionally matter in the grand scheme of things), it can still feel scary and alienating, especially when a conflict of this nature springs up so suddenly.

to those who might've felt isolated, confused, conflicted, torn between opposing viewpoints with guilt over how you should or shouldn't be feeling - i'm sorry, and i hope that you've been able to step back and, if necessary, speak with people who might have helped you to process these events as healthily as possible. i will say that whatever your conclusions may be, whether you've decided already or you're still figuring things out, they should come from introspection and your own outlook & comfort level - not what some blogger or twitter user told you to feel. guidance is fine, but the only person who can determine your feelings at the end of the day is you.

i think twitter and tumblr have been the respective homes of the two extremes - the former being those who recklessly posted unquestioning support for dream and cruelly attempted to dismantle & disparage the accuser's statements with nitpicking and mockery, the latter being those who immediately took the most condemning view of the situation and projected their own sentiments as the moral absolute (with the tacit threat that feeling any other way was reprehensible). as someone who resonated with neither group, it was a fraught week to say the least - and i know i wasn't alone in that unsettled space between two vocal factions.

at this juncture, i don't intend to write an essay detailing my precise opinions on the matter - for that, i would simply direct you to jan dwter's post on the situation, which pretty much lays out my exact thought process in its entirety. for now, i would like to highlight one part of her post that i feel is particularly cogent:

"this entire thing is just so entirely subjective and if your personal opinions and values find this all shitty, absolutely no one is going to try and say to feel otherwise, at least not me. but to completely ignore that its just that–personal–values and opinions that determine how you view this, and act as though it is objectively some morally bankrupt, impossible to understand, predatory situation just feels reactionary and disconnected from real life at best and just shitty and even virtue signalling at worst."

the above paragraph does well to capture my stance that compassion has been severely lacking here (a beat not unlike how january shook out), as there's been a distinct conflation of personal feelings with What Is Undeniably Right/Wrong. i think most if not all of us would agree that dream is far from blameless (and if you feel he's done absolutely nothing amiss, here is where i will politely disagree), but different people will still undoubtedly have outlooks that vary based upon any number of factors unique to them and their experiences. from my perspective, there is no moral absolute here. it's really up to the individual person to decide whether or not they choose to support dream going forward.

for me personally, i echo a sentiment i've heard multiple places now - this situation has shown me that i would benefit from disengaging somewhat, if only because that small bit of distance truly does wonders for my mental health and clarity. as it stands, i'm uncertain about the future of this blog & how active i may or may not be in the fandom. my choice to continue following the content for now is contingent on (what is presumably) the obvious, and i know i'll be extra mindful going forward of anything that might strike me as new evidence of actions behind which i cannot rightfully stand. at the same time, this has all taught me that i'm perhaps not as parasocial as i initially feared - all things considered, i kept a level head, i read multiple perspectives, i talked to many people (online and irl), i settled on my stance, and the world continued turning. as my favourite adage goes, this too shall pass.

for now: keep an open mind. be willing to incorporate new information and process it fully without guilt or judgement. remain flexible to changing opinions even if you're steadfast in your convictions. and above all else, strive for compassion. listen to victims, look at the whole context in challenging or confusing situations, support those who might be in need if you're able. it's impossible to know everything, from details on cc controversies to how the people around you might be reacting to something stressful or even traumatic - but we can do our best to be understanding and patient. it's not easy, least of all in circumstances like these where emotions are going to be understandably intense, but ... sometimes choosing love takes effort. it's a worthwhile cause, however.

take care of each other, yeah?

#manifestos everywhere. i'm sure you can gather what this is about #additionally: if you want to unfollow/sb/hb you are welcome to do so #the dash is your space. curate it as you see fit. i say this without animosity or judgement #i know i'll be doing the same on my end #cheers x #also: inbox staying off for now #reach me on alt if need be

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ahappydnp · 1 year

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hey, this has nothing to do with dnp but i just don't know who else to ask this... how do i know whether i actually like a guy or i'm just trying to live up to my families/friends/societies expectations so i think i'm crushing on a guy but in reality i'm just a very confused lesbian? because like... when i see wlw couples online, on tv or outside my brain goes "man i wish that was me" but i also really like that guy and i can see myself spending time with him and introducing him to my friends and family and all that, but thinking about having Sex with him feels like a nuisance chore like idk dusting... but then again i'm on the ace spectrum and i'm just extremely confused... do you have any tips? 🙈

personal bit/advice under the cut

i try not to get too personal on this blog anymore but i'm a lesbian who tried so hard to maintain a het relationship with a guy for a solid decade. unlearning internalized homophobia and coming to terms with what being ""fully"" gay means was so fucking hard but absolutely worth it. i don't ever wish the kind of pain and confusion i went through on anyone and i'll try to be objective in my advice because your situation may be completely different to mine!

it can be an incredibly difficult situation to unpack and can have a lot of layers. i think my biggest advice is if being alone with him or expressing intimacy (even non sexual intimacy) feels unnatural or like a chore or just something feels off to take a step and evaluate? it shouldn't be hard. it shouldn't feel scary. definitely do some research on comphet because that can be a real eye opener.

also a friend of mine's therapist gave some incredible advice when it comes to other people's expectations or doing things because you want them to be happy. they said ask yourself would you still do it if no one knew/you couldn't tell anyone/you couldn't post about it on social media? so would you want to date this guy if no one in your life could know about it and you couldn't "show him off" as a way to prove something? is it him or is it what he represents?

realizing you're not attracted to men means acknowledging that you're giving up on a "normal" life or the ~het dream~ that's been shoved down our throats since birth and that can be so so scary, but like you said you've seen that queer love exists and is so beautiful. you wouldn't been giving anything up by living your truth (if that is your truth! and it's okay if it's not and you are still into men!)

i'm sorry you're confused right now <3 try and focus only on what YOU want and what makes YOU happy. if this guy makes you happy, then that's amazing! if it feels like trying to fit into a square box when you're a circle...maybe take some more introspection. hope you find your peace anon <3 no matter what you'll have people who support you. feel free to DM if you wanna talk more <3

#anon ask

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teeth--king · 7 months

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hi! same silly little anon as last time :] (should i start signing these lol? i don't really know) (also i don't really know if you like me sending you asks randomly ? i don't want you to feel pressured to answer or anything so if you want me to stop then it's no problem at all!!!)

i don't know if this'll help at all, but know that ai art could never replace you. ai can be 'talented', sure, but it will never have the special things and details that your art does. in my opinion, ai art will never be able to replace a human's art, since it has no idea what being a human is like. your art is so lively and pretty, and i don't think ai would ever be able to replicate that! to be honest, i'm quite stressed about ai too. it's something scary to think about sometimes. but ai will never be able to draw like a human does, it can never make music like a human does. sure, it can learn to replicate those things, but it will never have the same feeling as a human's work.

i don't really know if i'm able to comfort you on this subject, but just know that your art is not replaceable, since it's unique and original. take care :)

(sorry if this worded weird, english isn't my first language!!!)

Hey no problems about being annoying with sending asks or about your english! I love getting asks, they genuinely bring me a lot of joy every time I get them! And for the english, I can see no issues, honestly better then mine and it's my main language haha.

And thanks,

I have little to no self esteem so things get to me really easily. I know that all this ai replacing human stuff like art/music/writing is hopefully a fad because those are core human things, but its still disheartening due to late stage capitalism and the want to make everything as consumable as possible(which is not sustainable for any market). But I will go on, it's just I'm very vocal online about my grievances because I literally don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff irl so I fall back to posing it here :P which is not a healthy thing to do. But seriously thank you for your kind words and worries, it really is meaningful to hear stuff like this right now and know I'm not alone. I'm trying to get back into my art grove and hopefully I'll be posting some more art soon! Thanks again for the check in, hope you have a wonderful and safe day out there!

#ask #thanks ;w;

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devotioncomplex · 1 year

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what if i asked you EVERY SINGLE NUMBER ON THE WEIRD ASK GAME...HAHA...

unless?

bet.

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

*** **********, Will Graham, ***** ***** (you don't need to know), Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks, Akira Kurusu from Persona 5 (i’m brave. Brave), *** ****** AND i’m gonna list off my blorbos (yes there’s a difference): Jonathon Sims from The Magnus Archives, John Reese, Harold Finch, Matt Murdock, Roman Roy from Succession, The Narrator from Fight Club (tbh), David Ward from I Am in Eskew (have you caught on with my horror podcasts illness), Cloud from Final Fantasy VII, and many more but these are the ones I feel brave enough to say 😵‍💫

lighter or matches?

lighter. my brother told me i was a pussy for not using a lighter. this cannot stand.

do you leave the window open at night?

when the room is stuffy or the hot is intolerable just a Tiny BIt, then yes, yes i do. the only bitch of it is that the only window in my room is kind of creepy at night 0(-( i can't live.

which cryptid being do you believe in?

answered

what color are your eyes?

brown eyes solidarity

why did you do that?

WHY did i do that

hair-ties or scrunchies?

hair-ties

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

none

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

iced coffee yesss <3 but if that's not that type of cold coffee this question is referring to then hot coffee obv

would you slaughter the rich?

yes

favorite extracurricular activity?

answered

what kind of day is it?

uneventful. veered to teeth-grinding, back to uneventful. Sigh

when was the last time you ate?

noon yesterday ^_^

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

answered

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

yes omgomgomg our SON. our beautiful little boy who's so pure and sweet…JONATHON.

can you drive?

i'm taking lessons! i'll be da king of da highway in seconds. watch

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

answered

what hair products do you use?

L’Oréal. sorry but these questions are my weak points and i’m a basic bitch!!!

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

YESSSSS i don't like painting my own nails because ugh. who cares. but i would gladly paint for anyone. i can be bad at it but you will Not complain ok rn we're giggling

do you say soda or pop?

soda. what's a pop. i'll slaughter.

something you’ve kept since childhood?

barnie. that scary-looking barnie plushie across the living room. one of the saving graces of moving houses is that i'm now rid of these barbie dolls. good god man. sorry ik this was meant to be sentimental but that's. all i have. i Hated them

what type of person are you?

god knows. but what i do is that i’m the type of person who would take a personality quiz just for this question (i kid you not. and all of them sucked!!!) hmmmm i AM a sham and pretty mellow tbh idk don’t ask me that question again

how do you feel about chilly weather?

answered

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

omg rooftops!! i think we'd look at blocky cloud shapes and figure out with of them look more alike to Jonathon. or we can sit in contended silence ^_^

perfume/body spray or lotion?

men's deodorant. i don’t go out outside of academic duties alright i just hope for the better

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

nah i'm not saying one scenario. there are Multiple. it mostly has me being in a very terrible situation. a car crash, assault, getting canceled, etc. it's weird. i also imagine scenarios where i just. scroll thru tumblr. literally. it happens when i’m in the process of still fully waking up so my mind just conjures up posts and I’d be scrollin mentally (potential case of the chronic online?). also scenarios where i wonder how a chat would play out had i said something differently. stuff from yeaaaars ago. and obv fictional scenarios for the blorbos they’re My Barbie dolls

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

i didn't have to bring a grocery bag to store today

do you wear a mask?

until now, Yes. sometimes. even when i'm not sick or the cases decreased. why have i never considered wearing them before the pandemic…i can sit there and nobody would know what face i'm making or that i made that weird remark. god bless masks.

how do you like your shower water?

i need to feel it Scalding Hot, you feel me. i need to feel my back getting flayed.

is there dishes in your room?

my dad calls kept going on that if i were biologically male i’d grow an uncared-for beard with doodles & paint everywhere on my jeans. my man, those were just TWO DISHES. alas, he’s honestly not even the least bit far off. :pensive:

what type of music keeps you grounded?

psychedelic & shoe-gaze!!! and probably other genres that i don’t remember. these genres can have sounds that can be so big and almost overwhelming………i’m in the process of making a shoe-gaze-only playlist because!!!!!

do you have a favorite towel?

no. they all feel bad on my skin

the last adventure you’ve been on?

i trekked the desert. climbed a mountain. went sand-boarding. y’all don’t have it in you

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

nah :(

what’s your timezone?

Eastern European Time

how many times have you changed your url?

6 times for my main blog alone! if you count all of my previous sideblogs, then that'd be 13 times.

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

this is sad. because. well. i Do know people from my high school days since a decade, but i wouldn't call them friends. </3

a soap bar that smells good?

probably Lux

do you use lip balm?

my lips are drier than the Sahara desert but i'm up

did you have any snacks today?

no

how do you take your coffee?

anything as long as it keeps me caffeinated. for function. BUT i'd kill for a coffee with milk and sugar.

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

notes app. for taking notes during lectures.

what’s your take on spicy foods?

i rlly like spicy food.

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

to match Ana’s answer, PUTIN.

can you remember what happened yesterday?

i don't know really since every day is a blur of a blur of a blur of the previous days hmmm sorrie

favorite holiday film?

holiday films are not my thing 😭

what was the last message you sent?

“you’re gonna love season 1 vit i just Know This” (hannibal disease hannibal disease)

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

NONE

can you skip rocks?

i’ve never tried it

can i tag you in random stuff?

ABSOLUTELY. i'm bad at responding yk this BUT YES ALWAYS

let me tell you, i’ve never in my whole life overshared this much

#what if i told you. that i took this seriously. HAHA...#HEY YOU'RE INSANE BUT ILY <33333 TYSM #stevie #🎲#asks

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lonelyvomit · 2 years

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Dear Abby,

about age crisis. I turned 34 a few days ago and it’s very scary because it’s only one year away from the ACTUAL SCARY age which is 35. My birthday is in August so my age crisis lasts through every summer 🙃

The thing is that I’m big at putting schedules and deadlines on myself because otherwise I get nothing done. I gave myself an ultimatum to get in to university before I turned 25 and I did, then to graduate with masters before I turned 30 and I did. Last year my resolution was to get a job after six months of unemployment and I did, you get the drill.

Now, I haven’t been dating anyone in over nine years. Last time I dated I was 24 and it was this on guy from uni who I didn’t even like but I figured that maybe I don’t have to like the person I’m dating, you know, because you constantly see couples that are having arguments or not seem to care that much about each other and they still make it work somehow, so apparently love is not needed at all right? :)

The guy I was dating kept constantly picking me and pointing out my flaws. I should lose weight, I shouldn’t focus on my studies so much (when I had just got into uni after years of trying and it was the biggest dream come true I’ve ever had), how I should go to therapy to stop being introvert and became “normal” like him, how I was terrible company when I was sick, how I was disappointing him when I had to go sleep early to be able to get up and go to work because I had to finance my studies somehow (he still lived at home and didn’t progress in his studies at all that I know of) and how I should stop apologizing constantly after he’d spent a nice evening walk together listing everything that was wrong with me. And I still thought that maybe he is right. That I should just change everything I am and have ever been so I could be lovable.

In the end I found my figurative balls and dumped him after listening to that crap for FIVE months. I was about to turn 25 and I promised myself that after going through that shitstorm I could go for the next ten years without trying to pursue a relationship and do what I want: get my degree, travel, party, all that without anyone restricting me.

But I did put another deadline fo myself: I’d be in a relationship when I turn 35. Because ten years is SUCH a long time, right? Now it’s less than a year. And I’m freaking out, because I keep thinking that most likely I won’t meet anyone before my next birthday, or never, or even worse, meet someone like my ex.

Otherwise I wouldn’t maybe give a shit, but 35 is also very much the age when I have to make the final decision if I ever want to try for biological children or not. But if I’m not in a stable relationship by then, there is no decision to make. And I really don’t know.

Thanks to this and all other ✨stuff✨ going on in my head I did seek professional help some time ago. I was guided to an online therapist. Their hot take was “why don’t you just try not to think about things that make you upset” :)

Sorry for this essay. You don’t have to answer or post it if you don’t want to. I just needed to pour my thoughts somewhere and you’re possibly the most kind and understanding and non-judgmental person I’ve ever had the fortune to know. I really hope you’re having a good day 💐🖤

Lots of love, Bec

🫂 I assume that guy from uni is long gone out of your life but ngl I hold grudges and I'm more than willing to take my cactus to meet him 😌

I can definitely see self-made deadlines and goals being good motivators and I hope you feel proud of the ones you've reached! but they do get counterintuitive when you realize you might miss one - and tbh idk anyone who's life is so perfect they can breeze through it exactly like they planned (ok maybe like millionaire kids but like. out of us normal people lol), so I feel like that disappointment comes to everyone at one point or another. and I can see why this is a big one when the question of kids is on the table too, but I'm also happy you know better than try to settle for someone like the last guy.

of course I hope you find your perfect match within the next year just cus you deserve someone who makes you happy, but even more so I hope you get to a place where you wont be too upset if you don't. sure, the question of biological kids is there, but the entire question of parenthood is not. there's ways later on when you find the right person, and I mean if the biological thing is really important, you can still consider getting your eggs frozen or something (idk how expensive or complicated that shit is so maybe an unrealistic idea but I'm throwing it in there anyway). having experienced everything you have thanks to not having a family to raise early on is gonna make you a kick-ass mom one day if you want to become one. 🖤

also I'm going to bite your online therapist in the unsexiest way possible.

you're the sweetest, you're doing amazing, I love you, you've got this babe 🖤

#asks

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sourweather · 2 years

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It’s midnight and I’m having a mini Will Graham identity crisis. I finally feel motivated to write for a fandom I’ve been in for years now but while none of my works are ‘super problematic’ it’s a very… judge mental fandom and I fear people won’t read it or will even talk bad about me if they see my less wholesome fics. I don’t really know if I want a different ao3 account or a different name to put the fics under. I like having all my stuff under one name to see my own fandom profession and to remind me of what I used to like when current fandom gets stale or I’m just bored and want something new. Do you have any experience with this feeling or wanting to put different fandoms or higherrated fics under different names?

Thanks for messaging me, Anon! I think this is a more common anxiety than you might expect.

While I will say that you shouldn't let fear of judgement stop you from writing what you want to write, I have DEFINITELY experienced what you're describing. Especially since I use the same screen names for all of my online activity, the idea of posting niche or taboo content can be scary for me.

Somewhere out there, there is a fic (years ago now, not hannigram) that i wrote under a burner AO3 account because it was something I wanted to write but didn't want my name attached to. There are also some fics that I orphaned in the past, due to fear of being mocked or attacked, that I've come to regret orphaning.

I think you should do whatever feels right for you and your comfort level, but if you want my opinion, I would say that you shouldn't be ashamed to write something if you're excited about it. I seriously considered writing A/B/O under a secret account at first, because I was embarrassed and didn't want my readers to think I was "cringe". Now, I'm REALLY glad that I posted it under my own account. I write A/B/O. I LIKE writing A/B/O. And no one has ever made fun of me or attacked me for doing it.

sorry for the ramble but yeah. At the end of the day, I think fanfic is always something that you should do for YOURSELF, in whatever way you feel comfortable doing it. I hope you write what you want, whether you attach it to your online identity or not

Much Love, SW <3

#me #my fics #thanks anon

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brokenfoxproductions · 4 months

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hi I’m sorry if this ask takes you off guard, but I have decided that sending this is urgent, I would also prefer it if you didn’t post this ask, but I’m not sure how long asks stay in the ask box so if it’s nessacary then post it. Sorry if this advice is crappy it’s the best I could think of.

I’ve been following your posts for a while and I’m am truly sorry about what has been going on with you, it is truly horrific, I’m so sorry I can’t donate any money to you at all as I’m a minor with no job however I can give you advice, take the first chance to have to leave your living situation. The constant abuse you have described from whom your living with is also likely having a negative effect on your children and they need to get out as much as you.

I know this is a very scary jump to have to make, but it seems nessacary as of what you’ve been posting about recently

if you can attempt to get another job, if you can get one in person that would mean more time away from your current situation, but I understand that might be tough due to your disabilties. If you can’t get an in person job attempt to get one online such as doing freelance work. In some of your posts you mentioned a past hobby in writing, maybe you could do commissioned writing online, people will pay for that, however i am unsure of whether or not you have a different device to write on other than your phone. If not you could attempt to get to a libarary and use their computers along with that you might have a good excuse to be there, say your bringing your children for story hour.

I Know another concern would be food and clothing for your children.

I saw a Reddit story where the op had been homeless and during their homelessness they found an efficient way to get food. Basically hunt on the ground or possibly in the trash for fast food receipts, if you find any take them and go to the restaurant where they are from and say that this was your receipt and that while service was amzing and it’s not anybodies fault there was a mistake in your order and ask for a refund. The person in the story claimed that most of the restaurants would either give a gift card for the amount spent on the order or just give cash. While this might not work it could provide a sufficient amount of food for you and your kids. for the problem of resources such as clothes for you and your children my best advice would be to either shop at goodwill or other consignment shops or attempt to sign up to some sort of charity.

while I’m not completely sure of how you could find a place to live my best advice would be to either attempt to find an accepting shelter or attempt to find someone who would be alright with taking you and your kids in.

i am so so so sorry about your current state and I truly hope that everything gets better

lots of love and luck,

Vivian

(sorry for any grammar/spelling errors, I’m shitty at it and my autocorrect isn’t working)

I know you said not to post this publicly but I am going to reply publicly because I feel as though I should reply.

I appreciate everything you said and all of your suggestions, and I don't blame you for not donating or anything because you're a kid and it's not your responsibility or your job to worry about these things.

I am doing my best but unfortunately there aren't really any options for going anywhere else or moving. I don't really have the option to get a second job right now because of transportation and worrying about who would watch my children.

I will say thankfully my kids aren't being nearly as affected by this as I am because they are still getting food and clothes and Care the same as they were before, but the main issue is the fact that they don't have privacy and neither do me or my partner, and they have to watch us go through all of this. We spend a large amount of our money unfortunately on getting food that's hot from stores or restaurants so that my kids don't really notice the rules and unfairness that's in place where we're staying, and thankfully they are too young to really understand what's happening.

I'm not going to deny that it's a bad situation for all of us but they're being sheltered from the majority of it.

There are quite literally no charities in the county that I currently live in other than domestic violence services, and while they have encouraged me to go to police and to find another place to live, there isn't anything else that they can really offer us right now because they don't have a shelter in our County. There's also a lot of issues with trying to find resources or a shelter because of me being transgender. The majority of domestic violence or family shelters do not accept men or people who are trans because they are considered to be non women. The salvation army is especially bad at that, and while they do exist in our County they don't even have a shelter for me to get harassed at go to if I were to ask for their help.

We do get a large amount of our clothes from secondhand stores or recently we've received a lot of gifts because of the holidays, and at this point my children have more than enough clothes but my partner and I are still really struggling with it because I have lost 30 lb since we've moved here due to the issues going on and I've lost 50 lb total in the past year. It's been really hard for me to find clothes and whenever I do it's hard for me to justify spending money on it so the most I've really bought was a couple of shirts for work in a belt so that my pants are too big won't fall down.

There's unfortunately no real easy solutions for any of this. I've been homeless on and off since I was a teenager and I have become very used to these situations and I've gone to the point where I can function as my own case worker, but in the area of northeast Pennsylvania that I'm in that doesn't even matter. There's just literally nothing.

I'm just trying to take things a day at a time. Right now I don't have any of my mental health medication but I know I'll be able to access it again tomorrow, so I'm just dealing with what I can tonight.

Like I said I really appreciate you reaching out and I appreciate everything that you said and all of your suggestions, and I don't think that it was wrong for you to make those suggestions because in the majority of places those resources would be amazing, but unfortunately for literally everyone it's not an issue of me not knowing what to do or not reaching out places, it's literally just an issue of availability of services in this area.

I've actually reached out to either 988 or the domestic violence services in my area at least once a day every day for the past several weeks, and even they don't have any solutions for me. It's just a matter of trying to keep going at this point. I need to try to save as much money as possible while still trying to take care of myself and my family because that's kind of my only option right now.

I appreciate you though. Like I said you are literally just a kid and you don't need to take the time to write things like that but I appreciate that you thought enough about the situation to want to help.

#replies #ask box #homelessness #poverty #mental health

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spiritualzari · 1 year

Text

I posted 173 times in 2022

That's 173 more posts than 2021!

14 posts created (8%)

159 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@amaya-veerapen

@raj-veerapen

@sen-cris-vargas

@emmie-fitzgerald

@detkhamani

I tagged 170 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#online: amaya - 32 posts

#text: raj - 30 posts

#text: amaya - 29 posts

#chat: amaya - 24 posts

#online: cris - 12 posts

#online: khamani - 8 posts

#chat: august - 7 posts

#chat: emmie - 4 posts

#online: emmie - 4 posts

#chat: nichelle - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 33 characters

#zari you're a pastor for godsakes

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Short Stack

Mentions: With/ Benjamin Thomas @amaya-veerapen Time Frame: Zari’s birthday charity drive A/N: Zari faces their dad after years of not speaking to one another.

“Short Stack? Come sit.”

Zari had been eyeing their father the entire night. They knew that at some point, he’d want to talk and it would be time to face their biggest fear; rejection. Again. For the most part, Zari understood tough love and why things had ended up the way they did with their father but there wasn’t enough therapy in the world that would prepare them for Benjamin Thomas’ wrath for the second time. “Um...” the spiritual director looked around and figured now was a good time as any to join their father on one of the benches outside of the church. “Sure.”

It was surreal. Zari hadn’t heard that nickname in so long. As a matter of fact, outside of old voicemails and home videos, Zari hadn’t heard their father’s voice for far too long. They took the seat beside their father and cleared their throat. “Thank you for coming and donating the coats.”

“Are you really a pastor?” Benjamin turned in his seat to face his offspring. “Like, when did that happen? And you’re clean?”

“Yes. To both those questions. I understand if you don’t believe me. I’ve failed you more than once but also, I’m not hoping for some sort of reunion that’ll make everything go away so I understand if you’re on the fence about this. Amaya was just hoping that we’d get to talk. They have a great relationship with their father so ...” All of that minus the information about Raj and Amaya was false. Zari wanted nothing more than a reunion but Benjamin was eyeing them the way he did the day they got out of juvie.

“Now, now. One thing at a time. I’m sorry if I came off a bit...callous. I’m genuinely surprised but pleasantly so. I’ve been reading about your work in the community paper. You’ve been doing a lot. And for the record, I’m glad Amaya did what they did. I heard about their relationship with their father, Raj. It made me think about us. Before everything went to shit. Shit, can I curse in front of you?”

“Why does everyone ask that?” Zari chuckled. “I curse. It’s...fine. complicated but fine. I’m not like your regular ol’ pastor.”

“I’ll say.” He cleared his throat and took a good look at his child. “Zari, I’m sorry for pushing you away and leaving you alone. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I did, actually. I wouldn’t have learned my lesson otherwise and I screwed up big time. It built character---”

“No. It left you alone in a time when you really needed me and I’m not going to justify my actions with what happened with your mom. I truly messed up and for that I am so sorry.”

Zari stared for a moment, unable to form the right words. “I’ve already forgiven you.”

“Ah, well you’re the better Thomas, then. But I’ve always known that. you got that from your mother. I was too self-righteous. And when I wanted to reach out and start over, I felt maybe it would have been best if I didn’t. I had already failed you once.”

“Why now then?” Zari asked genuinely hopeful.

“I got tired of being a coward and your significant other is a little scary, not going to lie.”

They both laughed and the silence fell between them shortly after. “We’ve all made some terrible mistakes. I’ve got plenty I wish I never had to revisit.”

“Me too, short stack. Is Frankie here? I have to thank them for helping you...”

“They are but it’s...things are weird right now. We had a fall out. that self-righteous gene? I got that too.” Zari sighed. “But i’m learning. Like you, I’m trying harder not to be a coward.”

“Hah. Well...good. Maybe we can brave this world together for a change? At your pace.”

Zari stared again, letting a few seconds of silence fall once more before leaning in to pull their dad in for an embrace. “I’ve missed you, daddy.” They buried their face into their father’s shoulder. “I never stopped.”

And with that, Benjamin embraced his first-born and kept them close, given them a tight squeeze. “I never stopped either.”

3 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#4

After looking through all of Frankie’s generous donation to their coat drive, Zari was feeling like they were on top of the world. Knowing that their dad would be at the drive was giving her a mix of anxiety and excitement. It was nice to be on talking terms with Frankie and to be given a chance to speak to their father. With Amaya in their life, things really felt like they were turning around for them. “I think we’re going to make well past our goal tonight! With the predictable weather plenty of people will benefit from all these donations!”

3 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

“We don’t start the coat drive until next month but this will be a great addition. I’ll make sure to add it to the others. Right now we’re working on our ‘Wednesdays we wear pink’ campaign. Basically, we’re volunteering our time to sit with breast cancer patients during their infusions, bring them some snacks, hang out, play a few card games or just talk. It’s a very popular event happening every Wednesday until end of October so if you’d like to join, you’re more than welcome!”

5 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

#2

@august-atwood

Just break the ice. Break the ice, Zari. For someone who spoke to people about feelings for a living, Zari was already failing this small mission that had set for themselves. Frankie was being a great sport about them and Amaya and it had awakened something in them. Suddenly all those memories came pouring in of Frankie and their ex and how Zari wanted nothing more than to make sure their best friend was okay. The more they thought about everything that had happened between them, the guiltier Zari felt about screwing up their friendship. And now that they were slowly trying to land on Frankie’s good graces, Zari was curious about the bartender that worked with Raj. In truth, the fact that Raj had set those two up should be enough for Zari but they wanted to meet August and hopefully form some sort of a friendship with them. IF they passed Zari’s test. Their plan was to go in to the bar and just spark up conversation until they figured out who August was but as they walked in, a curly-haired Tom Holland look alike left and all Zari could think about was how much this person was Frankie’s type--OH! “Hey!” Zari called out to them.

“Hey...” They caught up with the other and smiled. “Hi. You look just like Tom Holland. That’s wild...”

12 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I’m opening up two more group sessions for the fall. One is all ages so you’re all welcome to join the other is 10-16 so let your tweens and teens know! Also, we’re doing a color run in a month to raise money for a community garden by the Nursing home on Wilton Drive. You’re more than welcome to join or donate. Links in my bio!

25 notes - Posted July 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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stucksolangelo · 2 years

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idk what happened in a server but something about your message really made me uncomfy and i realized why. this is going to hurt but someone once had to tell me almost the same thing and it helped after I came to terms with it and talked a lot to a therapist.

If someone thinks u bullied someone and your first reaction is to tell ppl how bad your life is and how you’d never bully someone and it was so bad to be called a bully but not ask WHY PEOPLE THOUGHT YOU WERE BULLING SOMEONE IN THE FIRST PLACE that’s on u. It shows u care more about how u were hurt by an assumption than about other ppl and means someone else was being bullied and you were acting in a way where ppl thought it was you, but instead of asking why or how you could change or help or why ppl thought that, you played the victim

Im being nicer that the people were to me, but I know this will still hurt. if people think u could have been a bully and ur instinct is to talk about how hurt you are ONLY and why ur not a bully and not to ask or care about the ppl who were bullied that's a bad way of thinking that won't help u in the long run. i know cause I've been there

And I know what’s going to happen now bc ive been there. Youre going to post this and trauma dump and play the victim. i hope im wrong and u listen.

trauma dumping is for therapy not strangers who dont consent, and talking about how bad ur life is (even when its the truth and is bad) and not asking urself WHY ppl thought u could have bullied ppl is scary and will drive ppl away.

ive lost a lot of people and been through hell more than once. trauma dumping and ignoring that ppl were hurt wont help, it will make things worse. been there and had to work super hard to stop and still struggle. my life sucking didn't give me the right to trauma dump and to play victim and ignore other ppl being hurt.

eat something yummy spend time with loved ones and do something that relaxes you then after think about this. or play victim even more and you'll eventually drive ppl away. its ur choice. i did that. i dont want u to as well. stepping back and writing ur actions down and really thinking before getting angry helps, bc automaticaly trauma dumping to strangers isn't ok and ignoring that ppl wouldnt have accused you (from your message thats what happened?) without having a reason will hurt you eventually

My intention was never to “play the victim” of this incident. The people who called me a bully were server lurkers who don’t know me and have never spoken to me ever.

My trauma dumping wasn’t intended to be a trauma dump, just an explanation as to why the feelings about this particular incident are coming up now as opposed to 2 weeks ago when it initially happened. I didn’t have time to process one thing before getting hit hard with another thing.

And I’m definitely not saying that you’re wrong. I get it, and I’ve been doing self reflection. I live by myself and most of my friends are online, I have a lot of time for self reflection. What I’ve realized through that is that I do usually put anyone and everyone before myself for other’s comfort and safety. I’ve realized I’m not a fucking shitty person, I’m actually a pretty damn nice person. I may not have a lot, but I am a kind person.

After being called that, I did apologize to the people affected by the situation for any hurt I may have caused. I have talked to people- friends in the server, my irl friend, and MY THERAPIST- about my feelings.

And believe me, you only see the things I post here. You have no idea what goes on in my head or what’s been going on in my head. I am 100% allowed to vent about my feelings and my hurt, but know that I spent what felt like ages analyzing everything I’ve ever said to anyone thinking “Why do they think I’m a bully?” and I spent days beating myself up because I genuinely thought I was a terrible person.

So I’m very sorry for making you uncomfortable and for playing the victim and for being a bully. But please don’t assume that just because I vented a little about my hurt, that I didn’t consider everything else in my own time.

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kyunsies · 2 years

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Mädch! Hey lovely! I've missed you! ❤

So much to update you on!

Let's see: I had covid two weeks and might have something else because of it. Going to the doctor tomorrow. The new apartment has been so amazing to my boys and I. My youngest son, Octavius, is turning two years old next month on the 27th and the plan is to take him out to a fright night and trunk or treat. I'm also in the process of starting a side job of making icons and other edits for a low price. Saving up for a tablet to use for editing programs. Also, I'm in the process of going to online school for psychology, a major that I've been dying to study.

I hope all is well with you, my friend. I've been keeping up with your Taeyong blog because seeing your posts really makes me so happy. Love you so much! Keep up the amazing job! I wish you peace, love, and happiness ❤

hi sweetie !!! it has been quite a long time, i’ve missed you and i hope you’re taking care of yourself 🥺💖

oh no bub, i’m so sorry to hear that :( pls take care of yourself a whole bunch, i’m really glad you’re seeing someone about it too and being proactive! it’s scary how much residual problems covid can come with :( i’m actually recovering from it right now too 😭 on a happier note, i’m SOOO happy your new apartment is working out for you and your little ones !!! CONGRATS ON HIS BDAY TOO, big boy 🥺 i hope you have lots of fun with him <3 also that’s super fun that you’re able to have a little side hustle !!! i hope it’s not too stressful for you in the end :’)and omg I like classes !!!!! i’m so proud that you’re pursuing what you’ve always wanted, pls tell me how that goes for you 💗💘💖💕💓💓

MXJDJJF gosh and thank u for saying that and keeping up with my nct blog <3 i’ve been super active on it recently and it makes me really happy :D i love u too and thank you for stopping by and updating me on your life !!!! 🥰

#asks #moxleyunstopable

0 notes

sweetreserve · 2 years

Note

i hope u dont mind to read this long ask:)

hello, as a fellow writer, i can understand the feeling of getting very few notes from a fic you worked on, i've been there myself, and it made me really unmotivated that i stopped writing for a long while

y'know, the thing i noticed abt the dr writing community, if it's not abt ships of canon characters, than it's hard to get a lot of notes these days, a lot of people do left the fandom now so obviously not a lot of people will look at our stuff now, but it's not our fault, right? we write it bcs we enjoy writing it

kdkssl yeah i know it's easy to just say "write for fun and don't worry abt notes" but i know for myself that it's hard when you actually try to think like that, especially if the notes we receive still doesn't rise bcs notes are what motivates us

i'm a multifandom writer, and some of my stuff i write for other fandom even got to 1k notes (but it's only likes, the rbs i got doesnt even get to 100 which makes me pretty sad tho but it's the thought that counts maybe) it's a headcannon type of post, and when i try to do the same type of content to my other medias, it didn't do well, so i think it's just bcs of the audience, it's not necessarily us to blame

just know that if your post didn't get a lot of notes now, maybe it will get a lot someday, or if it doesn't, it's just not many people's cup of tea

that's why ppl say to "write what you want" bcs you are the one who writes it and have any right to enjoy it, if people doesn't enjoy it, it's nothing to really blame about, but it's best to move on

as i said before, the dr fandom do be lacking audience these days, so maybe try interacting w other writers that enjoy the same things as us? ik interacting can be so exhausting for some (at least for me aha), so don't feel obligated to, it's just nice to share w each other

i hope this ask can help u, best of luck for you!! ik you can get thru it, and i'll be waiting for u to write more amazing stuffs soon:D

WAA anon thank you for the kind words ಥ_ಥ this made me v happy to see.

i noticed that too - a lot of canon dr ships get wayy more attention then self-ships… which makes me :/ bc I’m not a huge shipper. i actually don’t like a lot of the popular ships, but maybe that’s just me.

when I started this blog, i was determined to write purely because I wanted to - and I still won’t change that - but yeah, it’s still not fun to see your works get no notes. esp since I want to become a professional writer later on (non-fandom related), I think I take reception on my works more personally since writing has always kinda been my thing? like the tsumugi fic, I always thought it was p good and then to see it not gain much attraction (maybe it’s bc she’s not a popular character idk) just feels bad.

but I also know a lot of writers feel like this! and I’m glad it’s being talked about more. i kinda strive on validation and recognition, esp online since I can be myself more instead of irl, where I’m more reclusive and anxious.

I’ve been thinking about expanding to genshin or obey me, but (1) I would have to rebrand my blog or create a new one, which would take time (2) as much as I love genshin, idk how to even write the characters well 😭 I haven’t gotten that far into the game, mostly bc I’m so busy w school, and I know there’s a lot of lore I don’t know about, and (3) there’s so many good genshin works out there and so many cute blogs that its like… well, it’s been done before, should I even try? ya know? I mean, cake is still cake, but if I don’t have the better cake then what’s the point (>_<)

this became a venting piece fhdkfhdj I’m so sorry. but i feel much better knowing I have support !! ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ I would love to interact with other dr creators!! but I’m so shy I feel like I’ll just… mess it up. if anyone wants to come off anon though (or even on anon dw) and talk to me, I would be more than happy to! even if it’s just to ramble. i promise I’m not scary ๑`^´๑

#this made me happy ty again anon :’)#bunnie answers ❣️

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demilypyro · 2 years

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I hope i can articulate myself in a way thats not condescending or overly familiar, so if it comes across that way i apologize in advance but i tried!! I saw you earlier posting about someone engaging with years old posts of yours in insanely bad faith, and it causing a panic attack? Honestly, I think a lot of people can relate to that, and its a huge issue online, and we should all be working to end that behavior being acceptable. It is so horrible to not be able to exist online without someone being up your ass, you didnt think of every scenario possible and im offended and thats YOUR fault??? Huh???? Its unhinged, toxic, and honestly damages the communities these people try to advocate for. Because normal people will confuse the bad faith actors with the majority!

Im really sorry it is affecting you trying to make a livelihood, i wont offer any advice because i feel that is overstepping, but i think i speak for all your fans when i say we wouldnt want you to feel such stress. Its unfortunate being online means dealing with this crap, but we shouldnt take that and shrug, its not right and shouldnt be accepted. Anyway i hope this ask wasnt annoying to receive, please feel free to tell me to fuck off! Hahhaa

I dunno how I should feel. I'm not angry, I don't feel particularly wronged, I just wish these things didn't happen. Sometimes it feels like people just decide to mess with my reputation and there's nothing I can do about it, it's like they just don't care that I'm a real person whom their words and misinformation can hurt, and the idea that they'd threaten my reputation on a whim just causes stress my body can't handle. I start shaking, I get nauseous, I throw up. As an autistic person, I'm always afraid people will misunderstand or misconstrue my words. I'm feeling it now, even as I write this, because I don't know how people will respond when they read this message, I don't know what loopholes exist where they could draw the wrong meaning, and it's such a scary thing.

When that ask came in today, I tried to be as open and honest as I could about what happened and how I saw it, I even apologized for how I'd responded at the time, but for some reason it only made the person in question spread more lies and rumors about me, and I don't understand why. And there's nothing I can do because people who don't know me will just believe random posts about me without giving me any benefit of the doubt. It makes me worry for my future if people can just make things up about me and spread them with no checks or consequences. I've heard the same sentiment from other trans women recently. I dunno if I specifically get targeted because I'm trans, but whatever the reason is, I really wish it wouldn't happen.

I'm gonna go lie in bed now, turn off all my devices, and try not to throw up.

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