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VBS

Chapter 1:

“VBS” ~ Lucy Dacus

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rebel!ellie x fem!reader

a/n: this one’s more fluff and for every gay baby still in a church, thinking they don’t belong.

summary: you grew up religious without questions and in summer you would get send to vacation bible school. The camp always felt like prison to you, until a very interesting girl appeared.

c/w: smut in future chaps!!, religious trauma (obviously)

7/20/2007 (friday, week 1)

Readers pov:

2:34 p.m

You're sure you've never been asked. Never. It was always natural that you believe and pray. For everyone, for your family, your church friends, the pastors. The doubts also started very early. At 6, if you remember correctly.

You felt so guilty back then that you prayed and read the Bible all night long. The fear that demons could possess you, as soon as God left you, made you almost manic. But you thought that it was meant to be, that this was the price you needed to pay for being a child of God. But it began to feel more like a curse than a gift.

Of course you never told anyone this, you weren't crazy after all, but the thoughts followed you everywhere. You were waiting to be saved by someone, by God or just a person. No one ever appeard.

Until you turned 18. Until it was the summer of 2007.

Everything still looks pretty much the same, the youth hostel that had 3 floors and looks worn out, the church made of wood that stands here all year round, the lake only a few meters away from the big fire place where you gather every evening. The sun was almost shining in your face and it feels like a warning.

You're 18 now and this will be your last year here, although after that you'll probably work as a worshipper. But you and your friends wanted to spend one last summer here, like you have done for the last 4 years. There was a certain relief in you that it was the last year, but you would only confess that to God. He already knows it anyway.

It always amazes you how many people were here. It starts at the age of 14 and goes up to 18. Then there are a few „leaders“ who prepare programs and prayer sessions for you, and check every now and then whether everything is in order. That was your future, God was your future and the reward for it would be given to you at the end of your life.

Your mother talked so much during the 2 hour drive about how happy you are that your church welcomes you so lovingly even in the summer, and that's not a given because there are many other churches that don't give opportunities like that.

You noticed that all the church employees give up their summer to talk about God and that at some point you have to do the same thing as your mother, who donates every Sunday and volunteers in the kitchen for 6 hours.

That made you happy again, that you didn't have to do that until after the summer. Your mother kissed you on the forehead and said goodbye with God's blessing, you looked after the car for longer than necessary, and you tried to dig some poetic reason out of this feeling but there simply wasn’t one.

Now You're standing in front of the big building. All the teenagers are happily rushing from side to side and you feel guilty that you're the only one standing still and staring at the big cross above the door.

Hazel and the others aren't there yet, but you've been sent your room number per SMS and you feel ready to look for it on your own. Normally you follow Hazel around all summer, she always seems to know what was right and which way you should go. physically and mentally.

You would be here for 6 weeks, like every year, the rest of your family would spend their summer in Greece. You snort at the memory and continue to try to carry up your suitcase, which contains a 6 week supply of clothes and sweets. The boys' rooms are on the second floor and the girls' rooms on the third floor, it's always been that way and it still annoys you.

Room 26

The rolling of your suitcase leaves behind a noise that mixes with the many giggles,of the girls from the many rooms. You go through the many doors and check the numbers.

24, 25, 26

There will be 6 girls in each room and you know them all, but to your surprise the door is slightly open. But when you enter the room you don't find anyone. The familiar bunk beds greet your eyes and your mouth turned into a thin line, because you were both disappointed and unmotivated. There were enough cupboards on the wall for all of you, and they are still the same as last year.

A big, wide window at the end of the room showed the large meadow and the church, the lake was difficult to see but you know it’s there. There is a small table and a few chairs right in front of the window, you were lucky with the room this year, it could have been worse. You stand in front of the wooden table and enjoy the view.

The others should be there soon too. You decide to choose a bed, since Hazel loves to sleep on an upper bed, you put your suitcase and backpack on one of the beds below. Just as you were about to start unpacking, you heard the rushes of pillows.

"hey"

You let out a little scream.

There is a girl lying on the bed opposite, someone you don't know and have never seen before. Not even in church.

You're pretty sure you're both scanning each other at the same time. She is beautiful. Her face looks almost perfect. So far you can only see her head and her legs are hanging out a little over the edge of the bed, which you should have noticed when you came in. There was something different about her, different from the other girls you know. She seems to notice how scared you are and lets out a small and breathy laugh.

Her voice gives you goosebumps and you hope that she'll say something else very quickly. She jumps from the upper level of the bed down onto the floor, she doesn't seem to care about the ladder, and the wood makes a cracking noise. She lands deftly on the floor. Now you examine her properly again.

The sleeves of her flannel are rolled up to her elbows, revealing a tattoo that extends across her entire forearm. You couldn't catch the color of her eyes before, but now you can see it clearly. Green. She has short auburn hair in a half pulled back bun. She is wearing gray baggy joggers and black converse.

"ellie"

She extends her hand to you and you wonder how long it has been since someone had made that gesture towards you. You say your name and carefully take her hand. You notice freckles on her pale skin as your hands touch. Your heart feels like it's tied up in strings that you have to untie as quickly as possible.

When your hands separate again, they feel cold.

"I've never seen you here before," you remark and turn back to your suitcase with red cheeks.

"Yes, um... I'm new? I think you could say that."

With a few t-shirts in your hand, you look at her one more time. She looks out the window a little unsure.

"okay...?"

not a lot of information but you can handle it, you probably won't talk much anyway. You hope for her that she knows someone here and doesn't have to be alone.

Even if she's a little odd, that doesn't mean she has to have a hard time here. After putting your shirts away, you went to grab the rest of your clothes when you realized what was so different about her. Ellie is now laying back on the bed and appears to be drawing or writing something.

“Are you even Christian?” you ask her. The question seems so absurd here. Sometimes it seems as if the holiness of the church next door, extends to the youth hostel. You really shouldn't have to ask a question like that here.

her green eyes turn to you.

"Not really"

She doesn't wait for your reaction and you are very happy about that, because your face definitely shows your puzzled head. It doesn't make sense, and you’re having a really hard time finding one. Why should a non-believer do this to herself?

"Why-"

The door bursts open and Hazel and her other friends come into the room laughing loudly.

"Hey, sorry we're late, everything's fine" Hazel appears in front of you and hugs you tightly, the smell of fresh roses touches your nose.

"It's all good, up there Ellie, she's new"

The eyes of the 4 girls meet those of the new one. Ellie seems a bit surprised that you introduced her so quickly, but it would have been awkward if it had taken 5 minutes to notice that there was another person in the room.

"oh, hey ellie I’m hazel"

the other girls introduce themselves to her as well. Mia, Kate and Naveah. You know them all from church and they’re nice.

"Which church do you go to, Ellie?" Mia asks and you can already guess the answer, but don't say anything.

"I don’t really go to church only on Christmas and thanksgiving, my aunt and uncle sometimes drag me to our city church Center in San Francisco. They're the only reason why I'm here."

Okay yes, she was very clear that she didn't want to be here, everyone in the room can read that.

"OK!" Hazel claps her hands together almost hysterically. "Then it's our job to bring you closer to God, I'm sure you were sent here for a good reason."

Even if you grew up with such talk, you can’t hide your embarrassed expression. You're pretty sure that someone who didn't grew up in a religious household would neither like to hear something like that nor really want to enforce it.

"Oh you don't have to, if God has something planned for me, he'll definitely figure it out himself." She whispers the last part, not too inconspicuously.

You briefly pray that she has a few friends here because after that, Hazel definitely doesn't want anything to do with her anymore.

Hazel sighs vexed and loudly places her backpack on the table, which again attracts Ellie's attention. She looks away from her journal and stands herself up with her elbows.

"I believe that God often tries to spread his word through people, as it so often says in the Bible. Mark 16:15 says: Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation"

“Jesus,” Ellie whispers quietly.

“You can really leave me out, I’ll hear all your sermons anyway,” she adds.

"You can be happy about that, many people turn away from God and don't even hear his words," explains Kate.

"They’re lucky," murmurs Ellie, you're thinking about hitting her in the face , the next time she wants to say something.

Hazel's face showed a lot and it all goes in the same direction: anger and also responsibility. She believes that everything happens in God's will and that it is her job to convert ever human on earth. Unfortunately she also knows no limits.

"Do you at least have a Bible Ellie?" she asks, louder than necessary.

The other girls sit tensely at the table and watch the desputed interaction between the two.

"Yes, my aunt packed one for me"

"That's something"

"Um hazel" Naveah's voice was quiet and she looks like a frightened mouse. "We're about to have a get-to-know-you evening."

Hazel slowly comes out of her madness and smiles softly, just like you're used to.

"Right-"

"Ellie can go with us, she definitely doesn't know where to go."

You hate to interrupt your best friend, but you are sure that she would have just left Ellie here. Hazel's face looks a bit dazed and that only confirms it, Kate and the others also look at you with question marks on their faces.

“yeah I’d like that”

Your looks exchange and you smile at her in understanding.

Ellie is one of the most original girls you've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and you promise yourself not to succumb too much to the urges inside.

"Yeah whatever" Hazel storms past you without another word and the others follow her like dogs on a leash.

You could say that Hazel has always been more reverent and connected to God than most and this has made her both popular and well-known, especially in the church. The adults and pastors always spoke of her in the best terms.

It's every parent's greatest wish, that's clear to everyone. And that's one of the reasons why so many people want to be like her. The love and recognition of parents is not always self-evident, at least not in your church.

You realize that Ellie was your job now and that's why you stand there and wait until she jumps off the bed again.

"I don't actually want to do this, you know that?" She says.

you snort.

"Yes, you made that clear, Ellie."

As much as you try to be consistent and strict with her, you can't help but smile. You quickly follow the others, you can hear the footsteps of the other girl behind you.

The short path to the church across the meadow passes very quiet. Your gaze scurries over to the many other people, who are hurrying like bees making their way the bee queen. That's how it feels too, like a call from a higher society.

The church looks bigger from the inside, than you would think. It has a stage where preaching takes place and many benches, arranged in rows in front of it. A large wooden cross has been hung on the back wall near the stage, the sight of it gives you a cold shiver down your spine, even though you have been here so many times.

Ellie's figure appears next to you. She doesn't look too happy to be here either, but you can obviously hide it better. Her hands are tucked into her jogging pants and she has something masculine about her that you have never seen before.

But you find it brave and impressive how she didn't care what others thought of her. Hazel and her group had sat down in the second row and you tapped Ellie shoulder to make it clear to her that, whether she likes it or not, she will be sitting next to you.

She groans slightly for a moment, but follows you.

The church is very ordinary, except it’s made of wood it but other than that it looks like any other. As you and Ellie push your way forward through the crowd, you also see a few familiar faces from the last few years. You sit down in silence next to Naveah, who pays you no attention, just as Hazel.

Ellie lets out a sigh as she sits down and stares at the large cross. She looks a bit… charming?, but overall you can only tell that she has no interest whatsoever in being here. Ellie leans slightly toward you.

"What's going to happen here? Do we have to swear on the Bible or something?"

Your eyes widen and you can't help but laugh.

"No, the pastor will introduce himself and we will discuss what topics we have this week and what our daily routine looks like."

“Okay” She screws up her face and you smile.

When you turn back around, Hazel's stare pierces your soul. You didn't even have to turn towards her, the energy of her anger was strong enough, that it could’ve reach you in another state

"Okay children, sit down" Pastor Tobias walks through the hall and the crowd becomes quieter.

The fact that he still calls you children was not only embarrassing for you in front of Ellie, but it generally puzzled you a lot. But as mentioned, there were also 15 year olds here, but it still annoys you.

As soon as he stands on the stage, it becomes completely quiet.

"Welcome, it's nice that you're all here to serve God and praise the Lord."

Your chest slowly tightens and you fidget a little with your fingers. Ellie nudges you with her elbow. Surprised by the gesture, you turn to her, and she looks at you with so much concern and confusion at the same time that it disturbs you a bit.

Her look asks you if you're okay, but it also shows that she understands if you're not.

"This week we're tackling the topic of conversion and the rewards for it. Then on Wednesday you'll go on a hike in the forest."

The children all groan because everyone knows how shitty such hikes are and how long they were.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's going to be brightened up with a little scavenger hunt. Later, the staff will give you your tasks here on the camp and , yes still today, there will be a Bible lesson. Every morning and afternoon."

You actually like Bible lessons, you were good at reciting facts that you read in a book, it wasn't as bad as having the words of a preacher tattooed into your brain.

Pastor Tobias drives ahead.

"You have free time in the morning until breakfast and then the bible lessons and workshops begin. There are many different selections where you can register straight away, and then you have free time again for a few hours. The youth hostel's sports hall is now open again And you can use it again this year. In the evening the sermon will takes place at 8 p.m. You then have the choice to watch a film in the large hall and there will be silence for bedtime at 11 p.m.."

“Shit, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

Ellie's honesty appeals to you like iced water on a hot summer day.

unfortunately it’s also a very loud call im such a quiet room and a few people laugh in the back rows.

The pastor's eyes land on the girl and he seems to have remembered something because he doesn't drive forward.

"ellie..." a quick glance at the list of many names.

"Williams?"

The call doesn't surprise Ellie, she just nods, unconvinced.

Pastor Tobias nods and you can read a kind of... anger that makes your hands sweat.

"Yes, I remember you, young girl"

Ellie grimaces briefly at the nickname, he gave her.

"I see there has been no progress?"

You frown, but again it seems to be expected for Ellie.

"None that you would like" she grins at him, if you couldn't hear her words it would pass for a warm, even playful, smile. The room seems even quieter now and now you feel really cold.

All of this makes you incredibly nervous in the worst possible way.

"yes I see, well I hope this will finally help you"

After the sermon and after everyone has unpacked their things, the Bible lesson begins. There, everyone is divided into groups and you can talk about God and the world either in your room, the common room or sometimes even outside.

Your group decides to go outside and the grass under your fingers feels nice and comforting cold somehow. Hazel and some of the others have changed and you are also wearing much more comfortable clothes now.

"I don't really trust her? Sounds weird but that's how I feel."

You nod to every syllable Hazel says about Ellie.

Hazel fidgets with her long, holey sweater and you look up at the sky, watching the clouds. The lesson should start in a few minutes but Ellie is nowhere to be seen.

"I don't think she's coming," Mia murmurs.

"Yeah, as if she'd care." Kate laughs.

Hazel shifts a bit.

"But she should, even Tobi said that. I knew there was something strange about her.”

It bothers you how they can speak so badly about a complete stranger.

“Pastor Tobi may be a pastor but he’s not God, we don’t know anything for sure, Hazel.” Your stern voice surprises the others.

Most of the time you prefer to listen and observe, rather than add to the something conversations yourself.

Most of the time.

“But we can trust him, at least I do. Don’t you?”

It was a bet, without a doubt, one that you wouldn’t take up.

“Okay girls,”

a young woman in her mid-20s appears in front you with a smile and a Bible in her hand.

“Where should we start? Any concerns?”

You look at her without any real thoughts, no memory of her.

“Must be new,” Hazel whispers, saying what you’re thinking.

“Oh yes, I’m Louisa, but you can call me whatever you want, Lou, Louise, I don’t care.”

A small smile, blinded by the sun, hits your face as you notice how authentic and nice she seems. Ellie would definitely like her too if she would be here… it’s strange how familiar she already is to you. how much you outvote her.

"I am both your carer and your contact person, because I know that many of you do not see the two as one and the same."

She smiles lovingly and sits cross-legged in front of you so that you form a small circle.

"If there is anything on your mind, you can talk to me."

Hazel speaks up, finger in the air, her body completely stiff.

"Oh, you don't have to-"

Hazel interrupts Louisa quickly.

"Ellie didn't show up,"

you almost hiss through your teeth.

"Yes, I noticed that too..." she looks at her note and seems to be thinking about what exactly she should about this situation.

"I'll talk to her later."

A smile that doesn't really show love and attention appears on Hazel's lips.

"You should do that."

You don't see or hear anything from Ellie for the rest of the evening. You keep catching yourself looking around, hoping that she might be behind you. Your ears waited to hear the girl's rough voice or bright laugh, but that just didn't happen.

At the campfire, the clouds of smoke and the big fire banish your view and you just don't dare to get up and look for her. It would be too conspicuous and Hazel is already angry enough.

Hazel tells you about the many fireflies she saw last week and that she got an instant camera before camp. You turn over your stick of bread in silence and lean back on the bench, then you feel a warm, familiar hand on your shoulder.

"Are you okay, darling?"

Louisa’s eyes examine your face worriedly. She looks almost as old as you in the dark, but the fire shows that she actually isn't.

"huh?"

"are you alright?"

When Hazel notices that you are no longer participating in her conversation she turns the other way to Kate, finally you hear silence in your head for the first time this afternoon.

"yes, I'm fine," you whisper.

She almost didn't seem to hear it, but nods slowly.

"are you looking for someone?"

she whispers back with a grin, either to accommodate your gesture or because she realizes that your other friends probably shouldn't notice.

"me? no."

You wave your hand in the air, distracted. Louisa didn't really seem to buy it.

She takes the bread from her stick and looks into the distance, behind the fire. You wonder what is going on in her head.

"she's behind the yard."

You turn to her, shocked, because she knows full well that Ellie is actually some kind of problem case that you should maybe probably stay away from.

The woman notices your gaze and looks at you amused.

"I know how it feels to want something you shouldn't want, a friendship especially. A lot of people don't mention it but group stress and pressure doesn't end at 18."

her words bring you both comfort and sadness.

"when will it end?"

you're not sure why you're talking to her about it, much less why you feel comfortable enough to do so. Louisa was silent for a few seconds before answering.

"depends. maybe never. only we can make a difference, even though we're not the cause of the problem."

You gently pull your bread off the fire and set it aside so that it rests on the stick, in the air.

"thank you Louisa" you stand up, smiling, and turn to Hazel with a little more determination.

"i'm going to the bathroom for a minute."

hazel's eyes drift up from her conversation with some brown haired guy.

"okay.

without listening to anything else, your feet lead you away from the fire, until it is just a memory and a red light in the distance.

You feel immediately relieved.

But the closer you get to the youth hostel, the more nervous you become. you don't understand why and that only frustrates you more until it feels a little like your whole system is about to fail.

In the back yard, Louisa told you.

Louisa said it was okay to talk to Ellie, to want to talk to her, no reason to feel bad about it. Nevertheless, you stop before the turn to the back yard and look at the pebbles that make that crunching sound, which reminds you that you really want this.

But why do you feel so bad about wanting this?

new friendships are a good thing? yes, Hazel doesn't like her and she is probably a problem case in the church, but that is nothing world-changing.

your back finds the wall of the building and you breathe in and out quickly.

you are worried that if you turn here now you will just walk past her. Out of fear of her, of you, and of the rejection. Your breathing becomes heavier in your lungs. Panic, which you know all too well, spreads inside you and your hand goes to your chest.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?“

"yeah what is wrong with you dude"

you flinch and worry whether you have broken something, even though that is impossible in any universe.

"fuck"

you support yourself on your knees, immersed in shock, and eye the converse of Ellie, who is standing next to you.

"you good?"

"yes, jesus"

That came out a little harsher than you intended and the girl's eyes narrow for a second.

"sorry- you just scared me"

you lean against the wall again. you are sure that Ellie will go away now, but you hear her shoes stop right next to you.

"sorry, it wasn't intentional, what are you doing here?"

you don't know that either.

"I don't know"

you put your hands in your cardigan and look the auburn-haired girl in the eyes.

She is now leaning against the wall next to you.

"That's cool" the silence and the eye contact almost kills you, until you notice that Ellie is experimenting with something in her hands.

"Ellie, you can't smoke here! you shouldn't smoke at all"

Ellie giggles loudly and licks the paper to finish rolling the cigarette. Your gaze falls on her tongue and its movements but you quickly turn back to the front, feeling dizzy now.

Okay? That was... weird?

you thought.

"Nobody dies because of a little smoking"

"You would be surprised" you say and watch as she lights the cigarette.

It looks relaxing. Not as scary and evil as you always imagined, it almost looks magical.

"You never smoked before?"

Disbelief in her voice.

You giggle and relax your shoulders.

"not so common at a Christian school, I once went to a party with Mia. There were lots of joints and cigarettes, but I never got any closer to the stuff"

"it's awesome, and you can buy it if you want. 18 and your parents can't really tell you shit"

Your mother's face appears in your vision and the feeling of shame spreads again.

"yes, they can..."

Ellie takes a drag on the cigarette and looks at you again.

Softer and more curious.

"fuck, you take this actually serious"

"yeah, what else should I do? A lot of people aren't here for fun, Ellie"

"yes, I can imagine, Dina takes it serious too"

Now she looks like the same person you remember meeting. Much more serious and proud. A little brave too.

"who's Dina?"

Ellie kicks a few stones with her shoe and her expression doesn't really tell you much.

"nobody. isn't important, but she takes it seriously."

You nod and respect her boundaries even if it's the last thing you want to do.

"You don't?"

"Fuck no" she laughs, but the wall that she has built up for herself for so long and with so much effort, is crumbling.

You could see and hear it. Her eyebrows frown and her voice was like a silky purr.

"Ellie- I know it's none of my business but why-"

"What do you think, doll? Ha, you remind me of a doll"

That distracts you.

You turn to her with a grin. "How do I remind you of a doll?"

the physical openness surprised Ellie, but she happily accepted it. she turned around and grins at you.

"quiet and pretty. but like, porcelain pretty as if you had been painted."

Holy shit.

you curse yourself for having said that, but it is the only thing that does justice to your feelings right now. your face gets warm and you can’t help but smile at that. You probably look dumb with that stupid grin on your face. No one ever said something like that so casually to you and your not sure if you wanted anyone else, but Ellie to be the one who does.

But it is a nice tingling sensation.

as if soft feathers were brushing against your skin.

"so what do you think I'm doing here?"

The nervous feeling visits you again but it is more caring than before, less careful.

"I'm sure you did something. I'm just not sure what exactly, but it must be bad, right?"

you actually just wanted to joke but Ellie's face turns gloomy again and she takes another puff of her rolled cigarette.

"maybe? I'm not really sure myself, it didn't feel wrong."

Confused, you watch her, her face, her tousled hair and her hand holding the poison, she is probably addicted to but cannot resist.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

"What?"

You giggle at her confusion, but immediately explain what you mean.

"Temptations are common in the Bible. And in the world too. They are everywhere even if we cannot see or feel them."

You both look forward now instead of at each other because that seems more pleasant. The green trees were barely visible now. At least not the leaves. The trunk was still there.

"But how do you know it's a temptation?"

Lost and maybe even confusion appear in Ellie's deep voice. Your heart breaks a little, like the first time you saw your grandpa cry.

"I believe that if it harms you or others, it is a clear sin. biblical and moral," you explain.

"There are rules... many." You add uncomfortable

Ellie nods at your words, not like you do with Hazel. She means it seriously and she listens.

"I know."

"So what did you do?"

She seems confused for a moment, but then memory flashes across her face and she looks straight ahead again.

"I kissed someone."

"You kissed someone?" You repeat slowly, grinning slightly.

That's not so bad.

"Well I kissed someone and got caught... doing something else. But it's related."

You nervously play with the fabric of your cardigan.

"Okay?"

So she had sex?

Sin before marriage, But we can let that slide.

God, you could fill a damn library with all the stories you heard in your class, about girls who were caught with boys in their beds.

"She didn't get into trouble. I'm the only one here."

your brain clicks it all together quickly. God in heaven, you are naive. naive, stupid and careless.

"oh"

Ellie chuckles breathy.

"oh"

she emphasizes in the same shocked tone as you.

you swallow, noticing how dry your throat is. your back feels cold and hot at the same time for the first time in your life you understand what Edvard Munch meant by his god damned “the scream“ painting.

if Ellie wasn't standing right in front of you, you probably wouldn't look any different.

“Ellie I- that like a very big sin"

the pebble dances beneath her feet, as she turns away from you.

"no shit"

"wait I didn't-"

what didn't you? you said what you were supposed to say.

why the fuck do you feel like you need to add something to that. To have another conversation with her.

To look at her and pray that she's already looking at you. She stops with her back to you.

You've never been sure how to deal with irritable people. You couldn't do it with your sister or brother, with Hazel or anyone else.

"I-I don't know what to say. but I don't want you to leave"

Truths

Truths.

that's not a sin.

if you were to say something different to her now, Things you should normally say, you would be lying.

you wouldn't be any better.

7/21/2007

Reader pov:

6:40 a.m

The air is stuffy. Grossly stuffy and thick.

Before you even open your eyes you notice how bright it is and look at your clock on the bedside table.

6:41 a.m

You let out a sigh and you can hear the snoring of a few of the other girls. Even though you don't have to get up until 7:30 it's not worth going back to sleep or even trying.

The chances of it working are slim. You unintentionally go over last night again.

Ellie confesses that she kissed a girl. You reacted like a good Christian girl, but after a few seconds you felt so bad that you stopped her from leaving and pulled her back. You said that you don't hate her, but that it's not right according to God. Ellie seemed to find that a bit annoying, but she was no longer in rabies mode.

Then you ran. well, not really ran, but you quickly turned around and went back to the fire.

It all became too much and it happened too fast. Ellie look after you touched her arm and she reacted to your words.

Your face turned red out of shame and the thought, that she might notice, bothered you.

When you came back from the campfire, Ellie wasn't in bed or in the bathroom. You were a little worried, apparently Ellie is the kind of person who sometimes doesn't let herself be seen for a while.

You bend your head out of bed and look at the top bunk opposite. still empty.

"Fuck," you mumble, stressed now.

You slowly get your legs out of bed and for the first time in years you are glad that you always have to sleep in the bottom bunk.

The floor is ice cold, but the sun outside gives the room warm air.

As you try to get up, you stupidly bang your head on the wall of the bed above you.

"Shit!"

You hear a few pillows and blankets rustling for a moment, but then the usual morning silence returns.

You quickly grab your slippers, a cardigan, your MP3 player and your Nokia. You wash your face and teeth and try to tame your hair. When you're done, you standing lost in the hallway. Nobody seems to be awake.

You put your headphones on and play your playlist. It was a mix of The Killers and Coldplay, since luckily your parents didn't just show you 80s music.

All these things that I've done. You love this song.

You try to go down the stairs at the beat, but quickly realise that it's much too loud. You scurry past the boys' hallway and there isn't a soul either. Kate's boyfriend should have arrived last night. You hate Kate's boyfriend.

There are a few more people awake on the first floor, but you don't really want to start a conversation, so you try to scurry to the end of the hallway, past the common room and the dining room.

you've almost reached the door to freedom, when someone says your name.

Pastor Tobias. great.

"good morning, young lady" it always confuses you that he talks like he’s 50. he's only in his mid-30s.

"Hello Pastor Tobias, how are you this morning?"

the pastor comes closer.

"I feel especially blessed today"

you both laugh uncomfortably at his words.

"Are you on your way to pray in church? The church is already open, my morning prayers are very important to me."

"um..." actually that's not the reason, but then he would definitely not let you out. you make a mental note to stop by the church later. "Yes, exactly. Isn't that how you'd like your morning to start?"

The man nods in agreement and also... proudly?

"You could be a great worship leader one day… I don't want to hold you up. But please be back for breakfast, You know how time flies when you're praying."

Another unpleasant laugh and then you're through the door.

You arrive in the cold air, wearing only your short striped pj shorts, a spaghetti top and a green knit jacket. Your gaze glides over the large meadow.

Everything is exactly like yesterday, only with a lot more fog and a lot fewer people.

You love this hour of day. Everyone is about to wake up and you get a last look at the world, without loud noises, lots of people and tasks. As you walk across the meadow towards the lake, your non-waterproof shoes soak up the water from the meadow. Your legs start to freeze as well.

You pray that you won't have a cold tomorrow. You walk past the large church and the fireplace. Just as you are almost at the lake, you see a figure emerging from the grass walking towards you.

You recognize him immediately.

Caleb Thompson. You have known each other for years and your churches are very close to each other. Every year he is here, just like you, and every year Hazel tries to get a date with him or a phone number, anything.

You have the urge to either run back and pretend you never saw him or hide in the grass. Both are out of the question, as he is already far too close and has probably seen you.

"Don't come too close to me, psycho" - yes, you were expecting a reaction like that, but he likes to exaggerate. He takes two steps away from you.

"I haven't forgotten how sick you are, girl. Don't do anything stupid or I'll tell everyone what happened, I promise, bitch".

Your eyes widen, he walks past you with his arms protectively outstretched.

"It wasn't that bad, motherfucker"

- he stops and turns around.

"What did you just call me?" You stop too.

For years you've wanted to tell him how much of a fucked up person he really is, but for Hazel's sake you never did. But now you’re sure that they won’t end as a couple anyway.

"Motherfucker, Caleb. You're a real asshole"

- you say with your arms crossed.

His long, blonde hair lies in his face and looks pretty unkempt, as if he's been swimming at night and hasn't showered. "You cunt-"

He comes at you, you mentally prepare yourself. But an arm separates you and pushes him away.

"Jesus Caleb, calm down." You know that voice.

Her short reddish, brown hair is in a little braid this time and she still seems to be in her sleeping clothes.

"the fuck Ellie you don't know shit-"

"yeah but I also don't care about shit, I just know you shouldn't hit a girl. so please piss off"

he lets out a loud, annoyed breath like men always do and turns around, and if he wasn't walking on grass you would probably hear his stomping pretty well.

"you didn't have to do that"

Ellie's eyes meet yours for the first time since yesterday.

"yeah, but I still did. No matter how sweet your little ego is, that guy would have ripped you to pieces. no offens"

how much you want to tell her that that's not true and how shitty he is, how much he deserves it, but you don't.

"whatever"

"where are you going?"

the question surprises you. up until now you were obsessed with starting a conversation with Ellie, up until now it wasn't based on reciprocity.

If you weren’t nervous before, you sure as hell are now.

"to the lake" your voice is a bit quiet but she seems to have heard it, her gaze wanders behind you to the lake and she shrugs her shoulders.

"okay" then she walks past you towards the lake. you frown.

She looks over her shoulder.

"are you coming?"

"yeah!" you quickly try to keep up with her pace.

"what are you doing here so early?"

you ask her while walking quickly.

"actually I wanted to swim, but the water is so fucking cold"

"you swim? Like, professionally"

"when I was little I was in the swimming club for 3 years, but now I only swim when I want and can" she grinned at you.

your stomach tickles nervously.

"were you good"

she chuckles at you. "yes I was really fucking good"

a smile spreads across your lips and you follow her to the jetty. You sit down at the end of the long wooden path. you take off your shoes and put you legs in the water. "cold!"

Ellie giggles next to you. "told you"

you grin back and nudge her with your elbow. you are sitting so close that you can feel the warmth of her body on your arm.

Something’s not right. Something’s different. Different from when you talk to Hazel or Caleb or anyone. This feels like you belong somewhere. With her, as weird as that sounds since she’s someone who likes the same sex.

But then you remember, Your sister once spent a year abroad in Germany and brought you cactus popsicle. The tip of the ice, made a crackling sound in your mouth that was funny, unreal and ticklish. you laughed the whole evening at the reactions of your family members. that's exactly how it feels right now.

like German cactus popsicle.

You dare to look at Ellie.

she is also wearing pjs pants and a white tank top with a grey hoodie jacket over it. her hair is imperceptibly and tousled probably from being limp, but you find it kind of cute.

Ellie is always so serious and sarcastic, but you are sure she is a bit softer and more sensitive, than she likes to show.

This "look" shows you that again. She’s just a girl too, a very complicated and chaotic girl.

"why don't you swim anymore?" you ask her.

"Joel said I took it too seriously back then, now that I think about it, he was probably right."

Ellie's playfully kicks the water like a stone on the road.

"who's Joel?"

she gives you a quick glance to the side.

"my adoptive father."

"oh" you try to suppress the surprise in your voice but it doesn't work.

"did he send you here?"

you hope you're not asking too many personal questions, but Ellie doesn't seem to mind.

"no, that was my aunt and uncle, I'm here for the summer while Joel is enjoying his life on the coast of Malibu . Oregon really sucks compared to Malibu."

you nod thoughtfully.

"what is he doing in Malibu? … and what are you doing here and not in Malibu?"

"Honeymoon. my old man is just married, but Tess is really sweet, I like her"

"Tess, pretty name" you reply.

"yes, the wedding was nice, I even got to play the guitar for Take on Me" another fulfilled smile appears on her face as she watches the water.

Ellie has lots of things that make her happy and feel good. No matter how broken the pastor thinks she is, it's not true. She is one of the most complete people you have ever seen.

"I can play the piano" you grin at her surprised reaction.

"Piano, huh? I tried to learn it once, but it's too complicated for me, I'll stick with guitars. Huge respect though doll"

the nickname she gives you, makes you feel warm, your heart jumps excited and the trust you give her feels good. Safe.

"yes, my mother forced me to learn it as a child so that I could play for the choir, so please don't laugh at me if I have to do that here too."

"I would never laugh at you. Especially not because of something impressive"

now you obviously turn your head towards her. For a few seconds you just look at each other, as if you had to upgrade each other's bodies and faces all over again.

"You’re very Sweet Ellie."

The girl's freckles are affected by the redness of her face and she looks away again. You want to talk about yesterday, you can't really get last night out of your head.

"About yesterday..."

Now she shakes her head quickly.

"Just forget it. I know what you think about it... but I don't want it to stand between us. You're much too nice, please just forget it."

You can hear her impatience but also her fear.

"It doesn't bother me." You reply softly

"What?"

It breaks your heart how surprised she is. How much she expects the hate and rejection.

John 15:12: My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

"I don't really mind it. however you feel about this or about yourself it doesn't matter. you are made of love Ellie."

You have never felt this wise in your entire life, and never more like yourself too.

"that was so cheesy holy shit"

you bump your shoulder hard against hers, laughing.

"fuck you"

just as you were about to sit down a bit more comfortable you fidget a bit trying to find a comfortable position, as Ellie bumps her shoulder so hard into yours, at such a wrong moment that you were in the water in three seconds. You fail and try to hold on to her, but pull her in with you.

The cold water embraces your body unexpected. Your clothes absorb the water so quickly, that as soon as you reach the surface your cardigan is as heavy as stone.

Luckily you put your phone and your mp3 player out of your pocket before whatever this is happened.

You gasp loudly and the cold that takes over your face turns your cheeks a fiery red.

"Ellie what the fuck-"

You admit, you actually intended to be mad, her clumsiness got you into cold water but she just laughs loud. Your arms slide slowly in rhythm to your sides and keep you above water.

"I'm so sorry really but-"

she starts laughing again.

You are sure that she will wake up the whole camp with her laughter. Grinning, you swim over to her.

"Okay Ellie calm down. You’re gonna drown from Laughing-„

Splashes of water land in your face and you let out a little scream. The other girl looks you over teasingly and moves away.

"You're so done"

In a matter of seconds a shaft of water starts and all you can hear is the loud splashing of the water and the screaming of two girls.

splash

Water in Ellie's face, but she manages to protect herself with her arms.

splash

Water hits your face for the third time and you laugh and squeeze your eyes shut.

"Okay, I give up," you gasp.

"Yeah, you better,"

Ellie Chuckles, also completely soaked.

You look at her.

Her wet hair is stickt to her cheeks and she has this grin that would make you do anything. And she's funny, so damn funny. And beautiful, especially now. She's like salt water. She's like the sea. Wild and grumpy and salty. When you're with her, you feel the way you do when you hear a really good song for the first time.

"You okay?"

You quickly leave your thoughts behind and nod at her.

"Never been better,"

she laughs. To your surprise, she then lets herself float on the surface of the water. Her arms outstretched and her eyes closed. You do the same and the both of you lie next to each other.

Her pointed fingers lightly brush against yours.

She’s Like salt water. As soon as you notice it, it starts to burn and you want to wash it off straight away.

To all the closeted queer people in church; you matter and you’re a real icon. There are more gays in religious spaces than you think!!! Try finding each other, it helps a lot!! Spend time with the people who love and enjoy who you are ❤️ ( GAYYYY)

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FORGIVE ME

Taglist: @elliewilliamgfooc @a-little-bit-of-everybody @vqxen @hersuniverse @nelzooo @shiimer @bready101

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percentageweirdo · 11 months

Text

Fantasy High stats

A summary of statistics from season 1.

I have only counted d20 rolls, and only by the players as it is pretty much impossible to track Brennan's rolls. I only counted nat 20s, nat 1s and "other rolls" since the players do not consistently announce what they got on the die. I also kept track of advantage and disadvantage but I am sure some of those slipped by me unannounced.

ALL ROLLS:

As you can see, the vast majority of rolls by the players are skill checks — just over 60%.

PERCENTAGE OF NAT 20s AND NAT 1s:

This chart is really the star of the show! It is why I started this whole godforsaken mission in the first place.

NOTE: This chart is tracking percentage of each player's individual rolls! It is not representative of raw numbers, but instead each column is relative to that player's total d20 rolls this season.

For this one I factored in the advantage and disadvantage rolls, and any way you slice it Zac still rolls the most nat 20s by far.

What surprised me was that Ally rolls proportionally the most nat 1s. That has somehow not entered into the consciousness of the fandom at all, maybe because they roll the fewest dice so the raw number of nat 1s isn't the highest. Conversely, Emily rolls the fewest nat 1s! Murph has rolled more nat 20s than Lou, but he also rolled the most dice so he rolls proportionally fewer 20s.

ATTACK ROLLS:

Gorgug and Fabian go toe to toe in most number of attacks made overall, and both get to make multiple attacks per turn. Riz shoots his arquebus a decent amount. Fig and Kristen barely attack, instead relying on spells that require saving throws. Adaine has some offensive spells, as well as an affinity for fisticuffs.

SKILL CHECKS:

The players roll perception checks more often than any other kind of check, followed by insight and investigation. They don't make any nature or survival checks. As a mystery that takes place in a large town, that absolutely tracks.

ABILITY CHECKS and SAVES:

Sometimes Brennan asks the players to make a check based on a prime ability score. Not very often though.

The saving throws the players make the most often are Dexterity and Wisdom. They don't roll any Intelligence saves.

DEATH SAVES:

There is not a single nat 20 death save in Fantasy High season 1.

OTHER ROLLS:

It is probable that Siobhan made 14 portent rolls — however, she only uses 13 of them. In the house party fight she rolls a d20 three times to see if she is able to use Blink. (Two succeed.) Lou and Emily each make a luck check this season, and in the finale Murph rolls to see if the police get there a total of 10 times. During the fight on the Bloodrush field Emily makes one joke roll to see how gross her spit is. And of course, Ally rolls an absolutely wild nat 20 in part 1 of the finale.

That's it for now! Follow for more Dimension 20 stats, and stay tuned for Bloodkeep.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #d20 fh #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 statistics #d20 stats

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apuckishwit · 1 year

Text

Pining!Eddie and Wingman!Gareth

A preview of chapter 25 of Rolled a 1 on the Check, Rolled a 20 on the Save by APuckish_Wit on AO3

Eddie is awoken by sharp rapping on his front door, at an hour that is entirely too early to be conscious when he has nothing scheduled for the day.

He groans as he rolls over in bed, dislodging Gandalf from his back with a grumpy mrrow. He runs his hand over the cat’s head in apology, grabbing his phone from his nightstand and squinting at the screen. “The fuck?” he mumbles.

“Eddie! Eddie I know you’re in there! Open up!”

Gareth.

“The fuck,” he mumbles again, with more feeling this time, rolling out of the bed and not bothering to throw on a shirt over the boxers he slept in last night. If Gareth wants to bother him at ass o’clock in the morning, he can damn well deal with Eddie not feeling like getting dressed just yet. Smacking his lips and grimacing at the sticky crust of drool at the corners, he pads out to his living room and opens the door, scooping Gandalf off the floor with practiced ease when he makes his predictable break for the freedom of the hallway.

Why he wants to get out into the hallway is anyone’s guess, as he always immediately starts scratching and yowling to be let back in if Eddie closes the door behind him, but he tries every time.

“Dude, seriously? You couldn’t put some clothes on?” Gareth scoffs as he shoves past Eddie, not waiting for an invitation.

“You have literally seen me naked,” Eddie says, shutting the door and letting Gandalf slip from his arms.

“Not willingly!”

Yeah, it was kind of hard to get privacy in a studio apartment with a postage-stamp sized bathroom…but Gareth had been letting him couch surf there for free, so he hadn’t exactly been able to complain.

“So, not that I’m not happy to see you, but what errand is so momentous that it requires you to come knocking on my door at this obscene hour?” He shuffles into the kitchen and hits the switch on the coffeepot, before pulling the fridge open and examining the contents. “You want a bagel?” he asks after a moment, digging a bag of poppyseed bagels, some cream cheese, and strawberry jam out.

“Nah, I ate on the way over,” Gareth says. He’s making himself at home at Eddie’s small kitchen table, pulling notebooks, pens, and highlighters out of his messenger bag. Eddie raises an eyebrow, propping his hip against the counter while he waits for his bagel to toast.

“Are we doing homework?”

Gareth spins a pencil in his fingers the way he used to spin his drumsticks, stabbing it towards Eddie with a determined glint in his eye. “Yes. We are coming up with a gameplan to figure out if you have a shot with Steve.”

Eddie blinks. “We’re doing what now?”

“You heard me. You’re pining, Munson. Like, I haven’t seen you down this bad for someone since Jackson.”

Eddie winces at the mention of his ex—his longest relationship to date, the man he’d been considering introducing to Wayne. He’d been ready to talk about moving in together, maybe even getting engaged, when Jackson had blindsided him by taking a job overseas. Hadn’t even talked to him, first, hadn’t even told Eddie he was considering it. He’d tried to spin it as not wanting to be influenced on such a big decision about his future. His future, not their future.

Yeah, they hadn’t lasted long after that.

Gareth’s face softens a little. “Sorry,” he says, voice sincere and contrite. “But the point stands.”

“Gar,” Eddie sighs, raking a hand back through the tangles of his hair. “We’ve talked about this. He had a long-term girlfriend—like, high school sweethearts shit. He hasn’t said anything, but I’m pretty sure he’d have married her if she hadn’t broken it off with him.”

“Valid data, but not conclusive,” Gareth counters. “Jeff had a couple long-term girlfriends too, and he and Aidan are going strong. Also bi people exist, Eddie.”

“I know that! And Jeff was so far in the closet before he met us, he was having tea with Mr. Tumnus,” Eddie says with an affectionate laugh. “Steve does not give me that vibe. The closet vibe or the bi vibe.” He fixes a couple of coffees to his and Gareth’s liking, and then sits down across from Gareth with his breakfast. He takes a couple morose bites of his bagel. “Dude, look. I appreciate it. I really do. But I did the whole ‘falling for straight boys’ thing in high school and it never brought me anything good. Steve’s a really great friend. I’m fine with that.”

Gareth tilts his head, staring at Eddie with narrowed eyes. “Uh huh. Anyway, so Jeff, Aidan, and I went back and watched all your streams with him. Side note, Aidan thinks he sounds hot, is he hot? I don’t care, but Jeff and Aidan really wanted to know.”

“So hot,” Eddie sighs, though he doesn’t mention how he knows. That video was public knowledge, but he doesn’t feel like getting teased for cyberstalking. “Like…he’s beautiful, man.”

“Mmhmm,” Gareth hums, making a notation on his notebook. Eddie huffs, reaching across the table to grab the top of his pencil.

“Gareth, seriously. I love you so much for what you’re trying to do, but there’s no point. I’ll get over him, eventually.”

“Ah, but you haven’t heard my rationale, yet.”

“Oh, there’s a rationale? Do tell.”

“I will. And that rationale is…we think he’s flirting with you, too.” It’s not quite a record-scratch moment, but it comes pretty close. Eddie freezes, staring at his best friend. Gareth smirks at him, leaning back in his chair. “Yup. All three of us. We watched all the streams you’ve put up, and we each wrote down any time we thought Steve was doing something we’d interpret as flirty and when we compared notes, they were almost identical. And that’s not even counting all the people in your views who think there’s something going on between you two.”

“You…you guys ran an experiment about this?” Eddie asks slowly, unsure if he’s grateful or horrified that his friends care so much about his (non-existent) love life.

Gareth waves him off. “Sort of. Point is, as two men in a committed relationship and one man who spent a not-insignificant amount of time in high school trying to sus out if people were serious or just messing with you when they were making eyes at you—we think this bears further investigation.”

Gandalf curls around Eddie’s legs, meowing pitifully until Eddie picks him up and swipes a smear of cream cheese onto his thumb for Gandalf to lick. “I don’t know,” he says, voice wavering even to his own ears. “I feel like I would have noticed if Steve was flirting with me.”

Gareth snorts into his coffee. “You absolutely would not. You put the moves on anything with a pulse, but you’re always shocked as fuck when anyone reciprocates.”

And that’s…okay, yeah, that’s a fair point. Still, Gareth doesn’t have to say it out loud and shit. “Rude,” he mutters, taking a drink of his coffee.

“But accurate. So, how ‘bout it?” Gareth hovers his pencil over the notebook, waggling his eyebrows. “Even if we’re wrong, at least you’ll know.”

Eddie gnaws on his lip a moment, scratching behind Gandalf’s ears. There are a myriad of reasons not to rock the boat—not least of which is the fact that he’s still not convinced Steve is anything but straight. That—that would’ve come up in their conversations at some point by now, wouldn’t it? And even if he’s not, how compatible are there lives, really? They live on opposite sides of the country, and Steve seems pretty set on building a life in Chicago.

Not that—not that Eddie’s, like, super invested in Seattle. He can do the work he does anywhere, really, and Chicago is a hell of a lot closer to Wayne. Not that…whoa, not that he needs to be thinking in those terms right now. Or ever, really.

Just…

He thinks of how easy it is to talk to Steve. How much he likes reading to him, listening to him ramble about how his favorite teams are doing in their playoffs as he putters around in his kitchen. How much Steve seems to like listening to him go off on any of the subjects that have caught his attention, asking thoughtful questions and remembering important points weeks later. They are so, so different, but they just mesh, making room for each other in their lives and being happy with the space they each take up, and all without ever having met face to face.

He shouldn’t encourage Gareth. He is rapidly realizing that Steve is pretty much everything he’s ever wanted in a man, but he is not lucky enough for life to have just dropped someone like that in his lap and have an actual chance with them. Life only works that way in his stories and games.

Still…would it hurt to know for sure? If—if there is a chance that Steve would reciprocate his feelings.

Oh holy fuck, if he did reciprocate…

“What do you have in mind?” he asks, leaning forward as Gareth’s grin turns as pleased as a cat who’s caught the canary.

#my writing #Rolled a 1 on the check Rolled a 20 on the save #steddie #snippets #Oh I'm having fun with this chapter

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mousical · 2 years

Text

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

wheel to wheel

pairing; f1 x female-driver! reader

warnings; car crash, mentions of alcohol, cursing

summary; alpha tauri’s first female driver has a day.

word count; 3.7k

a/n; part one of a multi chapter fic! will be an eventual driver x reader, just not sure which driver yet lololol. also i wrote the first half of this before the race, which is why a lot of the results don’t line up whoops

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

TURN 1 INCIDENT INVOLVING CARS 6 (LAT), 4 (NOR), 12 (Y/L/N) NOTED — CAUSING A COLLISION

"Are you okay, are you okay?"

The muffled voice of your engineer repeated over the radio.

"I'm fine." You mumbled back. Not waiting to hear a confirmation, you began maneuvering out of your seat, careful to avoid any scraps of metal torn off the body of the car.

A sigh escaped your chapped lips as you gave the car a once over. It certainly wasn't a pretty sight; the back half had taken the worst blow, rear wing nowhere in sight. It could've been a lot worse, though.

Thankfully, when your rear wheel had been touched, sending you off the track, you had managed to somewhat get control of the spin before getting thrown into the wall. If you weren't so pissed about DNFing, you would've been impressed with your reaction.

You lifted your gaze away from the car, just in time to see a limping Latifi rolling back onto the track before skidding away. Figures.

Now that you were out, you could check on the other victim of Latifi's most recent murder attempt. You winced at the soreness of your legs as you jogged to the McLaren.

You didn't quite catch the incident, but you assumed that it was probably the McLaren who had spun onto your wheel, only after being clipped himself by the Williams.

The other driver seemed to have had it a bit worse than you. His left sidepod was lodged into the barrier, the nose, at least what was left of it, angled into the wall. The back remained mostly untouched, save for a nasty hit on the rear wing. You clicked your tongue. Must've been a nasty impact.

You caught a glimpse of the driver’s helmet on your way to the car. Poor Lando.

The marshals had reached him first, standing around the car while he hopped out. Then began the work to get those cars off the track.

Meanwhile, you and Lando only had so much time to breathe before having to head back. Thankfully, the crash had occurred at the end of the main straight, which meant that the walk of shame back to the garages wouldn't be too long.

Once you had gotten off the track, you were able to slip the helmet off. Thank goodness, because between your headache from the crash and the Austin heat, you were just about ready to pass out under that suffocating helmet. You tried to keep your head down, not really in the mood for the crowd's pitying stares.

“Latifi." Lando groaned, catching up to you.

"Latifi." You repeated through a breath. The two of you walked along side of each other, helmets in hand.

"Did he clip your rear?" You asked, blowing a strand of hair out of your face.

"Tried moving to my outside to pass." Lando nodded, confirming your suspicions.

"Maybe he sneezed mid-overtake. You never know." You joked dryly. Lando scoffed.

"I think you're giving him too much credit." Lando rolled his eyes. Teasing the driver was an easy distraction from the fact that the two of you had lost out on possible points.

You made simple small talk during the walk back, giving each other your own perspectives of the race before ending up in the wall. And, of course, came the inevitable Latifi slights.

"I'll never understand how someone ends up 21st in a 20 driver championship." You laughed. Lando shrugged.

"I'll never understand how he gained 20th back." The two of you had finally reached the pit lane, a couple of team members from your respective garages coming up to meet you.

"How many laps left?" You asked one of the crew members. He told you 31, to which you groaned. Turning back to Lando, you waved a quick goodbye.

"Smashing race, Lando!" You mused. He shook his head with a smile before walking off to the McLaren garage.

The Alpha Tauri garage was fairly uneventful. Franz gave you a quick pat on the back on your way in. "Come over to the wall when you can." He yelled over the bustling pit lane.

You gave the principal a quick thumbs up before heading inside, the pit crew already waiting inside to give their condolences.

To be completely honest, you weren't feeling too upset about the unfortunate end to your race. Maybe it was because you knew it wasn't your fault, maybe it was the heat getting to you- either way, you felt content to slump down in a fold out chair in the back of the garage.

You knew that you eventually had to head back out to join Franz and the engineers on the pit wall, but you didn't see the harm in giving yourself a couple seconds to unwind after such a troubling crash.

Now that the adrenaline had all but dissipated from your system, the soreness in your legs was feeling a bit worse, and a new pain had formed in-between your shoulder blades.

"Y/N! Everything alright? That looked nasty." Your PR manager appeared, causing you to jump in surprise. "Oh, sorry." She laughed, bringing a hand up to her chest.

"All good, Nat." You responded with a smile, leaning back into your chair. "Sky come racing down yet?"

"Not yet. Think they're stopping at McLaren first. They'll be around soon though. If you get to the pit wall quick enough they might not bother you." She handed you your cell phone.

"Guess I better get out there then." You yawned, slowly stretching out of the seat. You winced at the soreness, eliciting a frown from Natalie.

"Want me to get the medic over here?" She asked, walking you across the garage. You shook your head.

"Just need a massage. I'll be fine." You assured her. She pursed her lips, not sure if you could be trusted. Ultimately, she gave in.

"Alright, whatever you say. Sorry about the race." She waved you off before turning on her heels to go back inside.

After waiting for a Mercedes to pass, you jogged across the pit lane, hopping up onto a pit wall stool with a grunt.

You slipped on a headset, quickly checking the screens in front of you to get a sense of how the race was running.

The Mercedes that had just crossed your path was Hamilton's. He had come back onto the track in 5th, just ahead of Perez.

Max was running in first, little surprise there, with Sainz in second and Leclerc in a comfortable third. A ways behind the Ferrari, Russel had gained some generous distance between him and P5, a gift from Lewis's first pit stop of the race.

The rest of the grid was nothing out of the ordinary, save for Yuki, who was fighting hard to maintain a surprising P9. You would make sure to congratulate your teammate after the race was over, whether or not he ended up keeping the position.

"Any update on a penalty for Latifi?" You spoke into the headset at 20 laps to go.

"It is being investigated. Should find out in a couple laps." Your engineer's thick French accent spoke.

With only so many laps left, and Latifi running on a set of fresh hards, you assumed it would be a post race penalty. A penalty, mind you, that would serve no purpose, as Latifi had been crawling through the track in last place since the collision.

Speaking of said collision, you decided to take your newfound free time to begin thinking about answers to predictable questions that were sure to come up in the media pen.

Can you explain to us what went down on track? Did you feel as though you had the potential to score crucial points before the collision? Could Lando Norris have avoided an impact with you?

'I'm sure Crofty explained it better than I could.'

'Maybe, sure.'

'Maybe, I don't know.'

All answers you wished you could give the media, but you knew better. Whatever you were going to feed them was going to have to be filled with a lot more bullshit than those perfectly fine answers.

The last laps of the race dragged on excruciatingly slow, until finally ending in a laughably predictable way. Max won, Ferrari bottled a potential win, and George Russell complained the entire time. Typical Sunday race day.

Natalie hunted you down right after the cars had been pulled in, quickly giving you a synopsis of what not to do in the pen. That's something you loved about having her as a PR manager; she never scripted your responses. More often than not, she just told you not to be an arse and sent you on your way. This time was no different.

The media pen was as bustling as ever when you strolled in, journalists pushing over each other to jot down quotes from the drivers. You slid into an empty space next to Lando, who was in the middle of an interview with F1 TV.

"It's disappointing, of course, not to score any points on such a promising weekend, but hopefully we'll back stronger for Mexico." He explained.

The interviewer thanked him before he was shuffled away by his own PR manager, and you were thrown into his spot.

"Yeah, I mean," You started after a basic enough question. "It really is unfortunate to have had our race ended like that, especially after such a successful first stint." You sighed, crossing your hands over your chest. "The team has been working so hard all weekend, and it is a shame to have no result to show for their efforts." The interviewer nodded at your response.

"Did you think that anything could have been done to prevent such an incident?"

You pursed your lips, trying to judge how much trouble you'd get in if you told the truth. Quickly glancing at Natalie, you found your PR manager staring daggers into you, as if she knew exactly what you were thinking.

“It's racing." You smiled at the interviewer with a shrug, catching Natalie nod out of the corner of your eye. "These incidents happen. The car has been brilliant all weekend, I felt like I’ve had a lot of good pace; real results were definitely reasonable and very much in reach. There’s a lot of crucial information we’ve learned from Austin that we can hopefully apply down to Mexico. I don’t know, I guess I’m trying my best to take away what few positives we got from this weekend— stay optimistic, you know? I mean that’s really all I can do.”

“Well, the fans were certainly sad to see your drive ended so soon.” She spoke, still committed to keeping the conversation on the incident.

"Yeah, you know, I really am so lucky to have such incredible fans. Austin has been so welcoming— it's really been great." That response wasn't a lie. This was only your second time racing COTA as an F1 driver, and the city had welcomed you in with open arms.

"Glad to hear it." She paused, biting her tongue for just a moment before speaking up again. "I do have to ask, on behalf of the loyal fans of the US, will we be seeing you racing again here at COTA next year?"

Oh boy. You wish you knew.

Your eyes flew to Natalie, who looked just as thrown as you.

"I'll let you know when I find out."

After a quick thanks and good bye, you were hurried to the next interviewer, and then the next, and the next. Eventually, it was over, Natalie saving you from having to answer the same questions thirty times over. On your way out, you quickly stopped by Yuki, who was talking to Sky Sports.

"Congrats on the points!" You exclaimed with a smile, patting the other driver on the back. Startled, he spun around, sighing when he realized it was just you.

The interviewer laughed, Yuki gave you a quick thumbs up, and then you were off to the paddock.

The paddock lane was busy with activity; teams running equipment to and from the garage, post-race paddock tours mingling through the buildings, the occasional driver making their way back to their own team's temporary HQ's.

You took your time getting back to the Alpha Tauri hospitality, enjoying the way the light Austin breeze ruffled through your hair. The sun was going down, which meant that, thankfully, the heat was less punishing. You unzipped the top of your overalls, tying the sleeves around your waist.

The drivers' rooms were hardly luxurious, just a small office space with a couch, a chair, and a coffee table. An air conditioning unit sat against the wall, keeping the room cool for your arrival. The chill air was a welcome shift to the dry heat you had been melting in all afternoon.

A change of clothes was waiting for you on the couch, and you couldn't have been more excited to get out of the sweaty fireproofs. Just as you began slipping on a fresh Alpha Tauri polo, you heard a soft knock at the door.

"Y/N? You decent?" Natalie's voice rang out.

"One sec." You called out, hurriedly putting on the rest of your clothes before opening up the door.

"Not sure if you feel like celebrating-" Before she could go on, you groaned, turning around to slump down onto the couch. "Max won, so Red Bull is putting together a thing."

"A thing?" You whined.

"Yuki is going. Obviously, Max and Sergio will be there." She alluded, arms folded over her chest.

"I don't have a choice." You finished her thought.

"See you there, then. I'll send you the address." And with that, she was gone.

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

The club floor was a cacophonous maze of drunk dancers and party-goers, all shamelessly slamming their bodies together in a syncopated rhythm. The music was deafening, shaking the floor itself with its pounding bass.

You maneuvered your way through the hoard, scanning each guest with a profound curiosity. Professionals in the racing world, masters of their own crafts, all stumbling through the crowd in tipsy hazes.

The place was bursting at the seems with excitement and energy, all in celebration of the team’s latest victory.

You were entirely lost. For the first half an hour or so, you simply wandered through the club, hoping to find a familiar enough face to strike up a conversation with.

Max found you before you could find him.

“Y/N!” His accent slurred. “Tough luck today!” You turned to greet him with a small smile.

“Is what it is. Congratulations on the win! Didn’t think you had it in you.” You quipped, eliciting a laugh from the Dutchman.

“Of course, of course.” Max paused, taking a sip of his drink. “Hey, did Christian find you yet?”

“Christian?” You repeated, raising a brow. “Not yet, why?” Before he could respond, a new person cut in, bombarding the race winner with congratulatory words. You swallowed a laugh, amused at the ambush. “Just find him!” Max shouted, before being whisked away.

Being honest, you didn’t really want to speak to Christian; it seemed like every time you did, you ended up getting yelled at. If it could be helped, you would do your best to avoid your boss for as long as it could be helped.

The night continued on in a similar fashion, team members from both Alpha Tauri and Red Bull giving their condolences, only before asking if you’d seen the man of the hour.

Despite knowing almost everyone in the club, you couldn’t help shake the feeling that you were alone, left to stumble your way through the night all by yourself. This, coupled with your unfortunate sobriety, as you were responsible for driving yourself back to the hotel, was shaping your evening up to be more of a bore than a celebration.

It wasn’t that you weren’t excited for the team— quite the opposite in fact. You’ve always sort of seen Red Bull and Alpha Tauri as two sides of the same coin. You felt their wins as if they were your own, same with the losses. Even if Max winning was becoming a natural occurrence, each time felt just as special as the last.

Maybe the sting of your DNF was still poisoning your spirit. That must’ve been it, you decided.

The far away sight of a familiar set of curls coaxed you out of your concentration. Without another thought, you squeezed your way over.

“Lando!” You exclaimed, happy to see someone you knew enough to busy yourself with. He, just like you, looked incredibly lost. “What are you doing here? Thought this was a Red Bull party.”

“Not super sure, honestly.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Well, always glad to see you.” You grinned. “No party at McLaren tonight?” It was a bit of tease; a DNF and 17th weren’t anything to go clubbing about. He gave you a glare.

“Nothing to celebrate, really. Unlike you lot!” He gestured to the hoards of people around you two.

“Yeah, constructors. Pretty wild.” That fact had only just begun to sink in; the implications of Red Bull’s constructors win was a miraculous feat.

“You alright?” He quirked a brow at you, to which you swatted away.

“Perfectly fine! Maybe not as drunk as I’d like to be.” You scrunched your face, the craving for alcohol itching through your body.

“You drive here?” You nodded in response. “Well, I can always give you a ride if you need it.” He offered.

“Really?” You knew the two of you were friendly, but you didn’t think you were that close. He nodded.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve got nothing else to do tonight.” He shrugged. You caught your bottom lip between your teeth. The offer was very tempting.

“Alright, Norris. I’ll take you up on that.” You decided with a smile. Not wishing to waste any time, you began making your way to the bar, Lando following close behind.

You were painfully close to the counter before bumping into none other than Christian Horner. Just your luck.

“Y/N?” He shouted over the music. It took every ounce of will power you could muster not to run away right there and then. You felt Lando’s hand touch your arm, momentarily turning your attention away from your boss.

“I’ll meet you at the bar.” He nodded towards the one object of your desire, giving you a sympathetic smile.

“Y/N, I’ve been wanting to talk to you!” Christian regained your focus, his drunken speech accentuating his accent.

“It can’t wait until tomorrow?” You half joked, not even sure if he would remember this conversation tomorrow.

“I know your contract is up,” He continued right on. “And you’ve been very patient with negotiations.” You rolled your eyes, already annoyed with where this conversation was going.

You were tired of being patient, being a team player. You wanted a contract, the one you were promised months ago. You weren’t looking forward to being told to wait for the fifth time in two weeks.

“Well, there might just be an open seat with us next year.”

Your heart dropped out of your chest right then and there. Did you hear him right?

“At- At Red Bull?” You stumbled over your words, heart rate rising exponentially. Christian brought a finger up to his lips, indicating this breaking news was still top secret.

“Just hold tight, alright?” He slurred. You nodded fiercely, suddenly very okay with playing the patient game.

A seat. At Red Bull. You didn’t see that coming.

The walk to Lando was a blur. It was a miracle you managed to keep yourself straight up before tripping into a seat at the bar.

“You get fired yet?” He mused, taking a sip from his glass. Your mouth was dry, the words stuck in your throat. His brow furrowed. “You okay?” He put down his drink.

“Red Bull.” You spit out, unable to form any full sentences.

“Red Bull.” Lando repeated slowly, confused to say the least.

“Open seat. 23’.” That was all it took for the Mclaren driver to put everything together. He slapped a hand over his mouth, letting out an excited laugh.

“Oh my god!” He exclaimed. “Actually?”

“I think!” You replied, finally breaking out in a smile. An overwhelming wave of excitement, relief, and terror flooded your systems all at once.

“You think? Is that what he said?” He pressed further.

“I think?” Was all you could come up with, still not entirely sure what was going on yourself. At that moment, the specifics didn’t really matter, at least not to you.

“Wow.” You heard Lando whisper from beside you.

“I know.” You gaped, putting your head in your hands.

“Well go on, celebrate!” Lando cheered, waving the bartender over to where the two of you sat.

“No, no.” You shook your head, shooing him away. “I wanna remember this sober.” You decided out loud.

“Up to you.” There was something odd about the boy’s expression, something you didn’t really feel like deciphering at the time. “Any theories?” He broke the lull. You quirked your head.

“As to?” That made him laugh.

“I thought the Red Bull seats were pretty much set.” You hadn’t even given that a thought, but he was right. Where was this seat coming from?

“Surely not Max?” You thought aloud, and Lando shrugged.

“Guess not. That leaves Checo.”

As far as you knew, Checo wasn’t going anywhere. At the very least, Red Bull had no plans on letting him go. Did that mean he was leaving on his own accord? Retirement, maybe? No, not at the height of his career. What then?

“I’m stumped.” You sighed, resting your chin on your hand.

“Guess you’ll find out soon, huh?” He tried, not eliciting much of a reaction from you. “Hey, Y/N.” He grabbed your attention. You looked up at him through distant eyes. “This is good news!” He was right again- you knew that. So why did it still feel so strange?

You let out a long exhale.

“I sure hope so.”

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

#f1 x reader #Formula 1 #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x you #f1 imagine #lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #max verstappen #max verstappen x reader #formula 1 x reader #f1 x you

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tanoraqui · 2 months

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I think the way I'd do the Oath of Fëanor in D&D would be modeled on a Paladin Oath except that the 3 or 4 elements of it now replace your subclass elements no matter WHAT class you are. You're not a Wild Magic sorcerer anymore; you're a sorcerer Oath-bound to seek the Silmarils, and if necessary kill anyone who gets in your way. You aren't a Battle Master fighter anymore; you're a fighter Oath-bound to seek the Silmarils, and if necessary kill anyone who gets in your way.

Also, if you want to cast a healing spell - any healing spell, as any class of spellcaster or by using a scroll - you first have to made a WIsdom saving throw vs your own spell save DC (Charisma if you don't have one) in order to reconnect with the part of yourself that isn't just a weapon forged in the conflagration of rage, grief and vengeance.

Elements would be something like,

1 - Oath-Bound: You can spend 10 minutes in meditation in order to sense the general direction of the Silmarils. You can sense the directions of all three of them at once. You may do this accidentally if your mind drifts for long enough; you often wake from sleep or reverie thinking about them.

Also 1 - Enduring Fire: When you go down to 0 HP no you don't, you go down to 1 HP instead. You can do this once per Long Rest. You do not have a choice as to whether or not this happens.

2 - Lighting Sparks, Fanning Flames: You have Expertise on any Persuasion or Intimidation checks relating to the Oath.

3 - Kinslayer: When in direct pursuit of a Silmaril - eg, it's within 120ft of you and you know it - you have Advantage on all attack rolls and make a critical hit on a 19 or 20.

4 - Spirit of Fire: When you roll a natural 20 or a natural 1, the nearest flammable object within 120ft of you which is not worn or carried by another creature catches fire, just kind of for ambiance. It will not go out until put out.

Also 4 - Forsaken: You are resistant to magical damage by any caster or creature classifiable as "divine." You serve something worse, now.

#the silmarillion #oath of feanor #feanor and feanor's kin #D&D #my D&D

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katewritesthings · 4 months

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Love Me Like I Can // Chapter 2

Chapter 2 // How to Touch a Girl

•warnings: Cursing. Cheating. Sexual Situations. Drinking. Drug use. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

The first time Diana woke up the morning after her birthday was actual torture, she was sure. The need to empty her bladder caused her to wake far earlier than she would have liked, early morning light barely making it through the blackout curtains that decorated her bedroom. The redhead carefully disentangled herself from the limbs of her sister and friend and climbed out of bed, grabbing her phone from beside her on the bed. Making her way to the ensuite bathroom, Diana immediately regretted unlocking her device for two reasons. First the dull ache in her head made itself known the second the light hit her eyes in contrast to the dark bathroom. 6:21 AM . Second, was a series of text messages from a number not saved to her phone that she decided could wait before she absolutely exploded. After washing her hands and splashing cold water on her face, Diana braced herself and opened the text thread.

+1(617)-555-1425 9:36 PM you look sooo good in your IG pics 11:15 PM ugh i wish i was with you rn 12:20 AM cmon di. dont be a btich text me back 1:37 AM Ungrateful bitch. 2:39 AM i see. youre out there fuckin with someone new. Thats wh you wont text me back. He’ll just get bored of you like I did. 2:41 AM How long before he starts fucking yor sister

Disappointed that the Boston area code and the content of messages meant the sender was clear, Diana quickly locked her phone and dropped it on the counter. She couldn’t deal with Connor right now. Leaving her phone in the bathroom, Diana crawled back into bed, thankful that she insisted on a “sleepover” last night and wasn’t alone to spiral.

The second time Diana woke up was slightly better than the first. She was alone in bed and her headache eased to a dull thumping, a glass of water on her bedside table. Emptying the glass in one go, Diana searched for her phone. A string of curses rang through her head when she remembered the reason that it was not beside her. After a dramatic sigh, she forced herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She turned on the light, looked in the mirror for the first time that day, and groaned out loud. Light reddish-purple bruises littering her neck and collarbone were visible under the sports bra she was wearing.

Annoyed with herself, Diana picked up her phone and checked the time: 12:12 PM. When she unlocked the device the messages from Connor were still open on the screen. While the reason for his vitriol was now apparent, clues painted on her skin, it didn’t make it justified. ‘It wasn’t like I had sex with Joe,’ she thought, ‘ And even if I had, I’m single and can fuck who I want.

Diana blocked the number but kept the text thread to show Biz later and moved on to check her other notifications, some birthday wishes from people who couldn't make it last night and a missed call from Cathy at 9:30. Diana decided could give her manager a call back later and was replying to all of the messages and comments as she walked into the kitchen of the apartment she shared with her sister.

Biz, who was standing at the stove cooking bacon and French toast, spoke as Diana walked in eyes glued to her phone. “Gooood Morning beautiful, Happy actual birthday,” the younger woman sang in a joking manner. “Taylor left, she had to catch a flight for the awards tonight.” She paused a minute before excitedly saying, “There was a delivery for you this morning.”

Diana looked up at her last statement, confused even more at the smirk on the brunette’s face. “What delivery?”

Biz didn't respond except for pointing her spatula towards the living room, signaling Diana to investigate. Rolling her eyes, Diana did as she was told, walking farther down the hall to figure out what her sister was talking about.

She was not expecting multiple bouquets of roses placed in every nook and cranny they would fit to be decorating the living room. “What the fuck,” she muttered to herself, making her way toward the largest bouquet on the coffee table in the center of the room, silently counting the number of arrangements. Nine.

‘What a strange number,’ she thought as she picked up the card attached to the large bundle of roses, looking out of place on the coffee table next to her TV remote.

Tried to get your number Cathy with no luck. Now who’s curving who? 513-555-6947 JB

Warmth filled Diana’s body as she reread the card for the third time, trying to make sense of it. Pulling up Cathy’s contact information on her phone and pressing call, she turned to see Bizz in the doorway smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

“Soooo… who are those from?” Her tone gave her away, she already read the card.

“Fuck off,” Diana mouthed just as Cathy answered her phone, turning back to the flowers. “Cathy Allred,” the older woman answered cheerfully. “Hey, Cath, this is Di. I was just giving you a call back and wondering if you knew why there were 10 gigantic floral arrangements in my living room?” Diana greeted, attempting to keep her annoyance at her sister out of her voice.

Cathy’s throaty laugh came through the speaker and Di could imagine her expression was the same one that Biz was wearing. “Oh, honey. That handsome football player from last night was leaving messages at the buttcrack of dawn trying to weasel your number out of me. When I told him that I couldn’t clear that without your direct consent, he asked if he could send flowers to our office and have them forwarded to you if security approved the message. We just didn’t expect 9 separate bouquets.”

Diana was in shock. She couldn’t remember the last time she had received flowers unrelated to work.

“Well, uh, thank you, Cathy. That’s all I wanted. I’ll talk to you Wednesday,” Diana ended the phone call, still staring blankly at the literal dozens of roses sitting in her house. “Soooooo,” Biz’s voice came out in her signature sing-songy tone. “Are ya gonna text him?”

Diana bit her lip. “Well, I guess I should, right?”

She could feel her anxiety creeping up in the back of her mind, almost like frost crystallizing on glass in the winter. The first voices of self-doubt were beginning to scream you’re not good enough for him and he’s only going to break your heart when a hand on Diana’s shoulder refocused her.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Di,” Biz’s comforting words filled her ears. “He’s a really hot guy who is into you, so I’d say go for it. Texting him doesn’t mean you’re getting married next month, babe. But you were humping his leg like a dog in heat last night, so it probably would be proper etiquette to at least acknowledge his existence.” As was exiting the room laughing at her own joke as she said the last part. Diana rolled her eyes and thought about her sister’s advice. Joe really was an attractive man and all signs were pointing to him being attracted to her. Their physical chemistry last night had been off the charts and even though they didn’t discuss anything super deep, she was engrossed in the conversation, always wanting to hear what Joe had to say next. She was going to do it, she was going to text him.

She added his number to her phone and began debating how to start the conversation. After drafting and redrafting the generic ‘Hi! It’s Diana” messages for nearly two minutes, she finally settled on one that would let Joe know who she was.

Joe (Quarterback) 12:32 PM you left before saying bye last night, i’d say you’re still curving me.

Phone in hand, Diana made her way toward the smell of brunch. Before she could even make it to the breakfast nook her phone buzzed in her hands signifying she had received a text.

Tee wasn’t feeling great, I had to dash. Let me make it up to you. I’m in NYC until Monday night.

Butterflies filled Diana’s stomach as her eyes scanned the messages she had just received. Joe didn’t leave the party because he was embarrassed by their hookup like her anxiety had been trying to convince her. He had a legitimate reason and he wanted to see her again to make up for it. Before she could let her nerves stop her, she fired off a reply to Joe

i’ll hold you to it. 😜 i’m free all day tomorrow.

Diana didn’t even get a chance to lock her phone before a new message appeared on her screen.

Not anymore. Lunch?

She wasn’t sure if it was nerves or hunger making her stomach turn the way it was, so she decided to load up her plate before responding.

After eating a decent amount of brunch and taking a well-needed shower, Diana was lounging in her bed, Parks and Recreation on in the background, staring at Joe’s texts. So many conflicting thoughts were running through her head about what her response should be. As much as she wanted to see Joe again, she couldn’t shake the feeling of fear. Sure Joe seemed nice, but Connor seemed nice enough at first. She knew her ex had just sent the hateful texts to get under skin, but he knew which blows hit the hardest.

“Biiiiiiz! Come in here!” she shouted from her spot on the bed, in a frustrated squeal.

“What’s the matter?” The brunette questioned, popping her head through the door. “I think I agreed to hang out with Joe tomorrow and I’m scared,” Diana whined, dragging out the vowels in the word ‘scared’.

A snort came from Biz as she made her way fully into the room. “He’s a man, Di, not a monster. Why are you scared?”

Diana knew this was the moment that she should share that Connor had texted her this morning, but for some reason, she couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. Instead, what came out was a pitiful gasp for air that made Biz by surprise.

“Just, what if I’m supposed to be more healed than I am,” Diana breathed, tears in her eyes. “Like, what if Joe turns out to be as good as he seems? Doesn’t he deserve more than this heartbroken version of me? I’m barely myself again, Biz.”

“I think you should at least hang out with him and see where it goes. Worst comes to worst, you guys know you’re physically into each other,” Biz teased. Diana rolled her eyes, “What if he’s expecting to fuck and I’m not ready?” Biz shot her sister a look. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Di. But let’s be real, you need to get dicked down. How long has it been?” Diana rolled her eyes again, not wanting to acknowledge she was currently on the longest dry spell she’d ever had. Things in the bedroom aspect of her relationship with Connor never really met her standards, always dissatisfied. The past six months of their relationship had consisted of barely any intimacy, Connor claiming he wasn’t attracted to Diana at the moment. Turns out, he was just getting his needs met by her best friend. “You’re right,” Diana gave in, texting Joe back.

1:26 PM deal, burrow. tomorrow at noon. Italian or Mexican? Shit. Just got word that public restaurants are a no-go. its okay. we can do pizza and sweets at my place

A new fear ran through Diana’s head as soon as she heard the “swoosh” sound from her head. “What if-” Diana was cut off by her sister throwing a pillow at her face. “Shut up,” Biz said in a more serious tone than before. “I get that you’re nervous, but stop coming up with these what-ifs. Smoke about it and attempt to channel your thoughts into something productive.” With that, Biz left the room.

Diana knew her sister was right. Not only did she tend to handle her anxiety better if she was channeling it into something productive, but she was behind on writing. Cathy had told her that the songwriters she was meeting with on Wednesday were expecting the start of at least six new songs and at this point, Diana only had four songs, three of which were fragments.

Lighting a preroll from her bedside table, Diana reached for her notebook, anxiety still at full force. As she hit the joint, she began to scribble down the thoughts that were looping in her head in an attempt to get them to stop.

I know that I’m better than this heartbroken version of me What if he can't compete with the things that I'm scared of that keep love from me? I get so attached and when it ends and the comedown hits I just end up hating me The energy that it takes to be somebody’s somebody just ain’t in me.

After she had stubbed out her joint, the voice of Diana’s anxiety had dulled to a whisper and her mood had lifted considerably. When Diana looked up from her notebook and checked her phone she saw two new messages from Joe.

Awesome. Can’t wait to see you.

What are you up to?

Smiling to herself, her fingers glided across the screen to type out that she was writing, hoping it could turn into a song and returning the question. Joe must have had his phone in hand because within record time her phone was signaling a new message.

Just left lunch with the guys, can I call you?

The butterflies from earlier had returned with a vengeance accompanied by a warm flush taking over her body. Within seconds of replying with an affirmative text, her phone was ringing in her hand indicating she was receiving a FaceTime call from Joe. “Hello,” she greeted hesitantly, internally cringing at her appearance in the camera. Her long hair was still wet from the shower and braided into Dutch braids down the side of her head and she had placed two star pimple patches on her forehead and chin, not expecting to see anyone but Biz. “Hey! You look great,” Joe responded, white smile beaming at Diana. He appeared to be sitting against a hotel headboard, dressed in a black Bengals hoodie.

“No one likes a liar, Joe,” Diana smiled. “Wasn’t expecting a video call.”

“I just needed to make sure you were who you said you were,” Joe countered, smile turning into a playful grin. “Can’t be making plans to hang out with some rando, you know.” Diana rolled her eyes and placed her notebook on her bedside table, the action drawing Joe’s attention. “I’m sure girls are tripping over their own feet to eat lunch with you,” Diana let out a small laugh. “Unfortunately for you, I am myself and you have agreed to hang out with me. Now, if you’ll agree after this time, that’s a question for another day.” “Oh, yeah. What makes you say that?” Joe quirked an eyebrow, a grin still covering his beautiful mouth.

“Well, first of all, we’re getting pineapple on our pizza. Second of all, I planned on finishing my puzzle tomorrow, so you’re now getting roped into that.”

Laughter filled the speakers before Joe’s voice said, “Well, first things first, pineapple on pizza is the right decision… But a puzzle, really? What are you, 73?”

Diana was pleasantly surprised at the ease of carrying on a conversation with Joe. She had assumed that alcohol had lubricated their last interaction, but the way the conversation flowed for the next hour proved that wrong. Joe teasing her for doing puzzles led them to talk about their other hobbies which led to them talking about what started them on their careers.

“Yeah, so I’m hoping to be back by preseason, but there’s no guarantee. I just feel like I’m letting the team and the fans down, y’know,” Joe finished explaining his injury, something Diana had known the bare minimum about before this conversation. Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked to the side. “Sorry to overwhelm you.”

“No, please don’t ever apologize for sharing your emotions, Joe. You can’t hold everything in because you’re afraid of being judged.” Diana’s heart tugged for a moment, imagining how Joe must feel after the season he had last year. She wanted to make sure he knew that she was someone he could share with even if this went nowhere.

“Okay,” Joe nodded, but still changing the subject, “So, what about you? Any new music I get to look forward to?”

Diana rolled her eyes but smiled. Connor was never interested in her career, implying that the music his band made was better and more meaningful. It felt nice to have someone who wasn’t her sister inquire about the progress she was making on her new album. “Actually, I have a few writing sessions over the next few weeks with my label and some producers and start recording some new stuff in March. We’re planning on turning the EP into an extended into a standard album” “Oh, yeah? Do you have a lot of material?” Joe asked, seeming genuinely interested in the answer. “Uh, actually, I didn’t. I’ve been writing a lot recently, though, so hopefully..” Diana trailed off, hoping the heat on her cheeks didn’t show up on Joe’s end of the video call. It was embarrassing enough to admit to herself that she had been more inspired since Joe appeared in her life than she had been in six years, but she’d die if he figured it out.

After a few more minutes of talking, one of Joe’s teammates knocked on his door causing Joe to get off the phone. They had been on the phone for an hour, but Diana was sure she could have talked to him for three more. Diana spent the rest of her night watching the Grammys on her couch. Diana’s team still thought it was best if she stayed home this year as Connor’s band was up for nomination and they wanted to avoid as many headlines about the two as they could. They insisted that Diana stream from home and interact with fans while the awards were happening, which worked out okay in her book. She had fun posting on her Instagram stories rooting for the artist she was friends or a fan of, secretly rejoicing when Bedford Scrolls lost the award they were up for. The fact that she was able to hang out with Joe because she stayed home was definitely, absolutely, not the main reason.

—-----------------------------

If there is one thing that will never change about Diana Hayes, it’s that she’s not a morning person. Or a “before 1 PM” person, really. So when her alarm went off at 10 this morning, she wanted to press snooze with everything in her being. That was until she actually looked at her phone and noticed the text notifications on her home screen. She had the normal business updates in her team group chat, but that wasn’t the one that caught Diana’s attention.

Joe (Quarterback) 7:01 AM Is there a specific dress code today?

A smile crossed Diana’s lips, relieved that he wasn’t canceling on her. Tapping a reply out on her phone, she got out of bed and headed towards her bathroom.

10:02 AM whatever you’re comfortable in. i plan on restarting game of thrones today.

Diana busied herself by turning on her shower and adjusting the water temperature before her phone buzzed on the counter.

Sweats it is.

Good choice on shows. Don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m King In The North 😉

Diana responded with an eye roll emoji before telling Joe she would see him at noon and entering the shower. She took her time in the shower, excitement bubbling in her stomach at the uncertainty of what the afternoon held. It had been ages since she had been on a first date, if this even was one, she wasn’t sure what protocol was anymore.

An hour and twenty minutes, one pair of shaved legs, and a fight with a hair dryer later Diana was freaking out. Joe would be here in less than an hour and she was regretting everything. He’s going to make fun of me, Diana thought to herself, he’s going to come over, think I’m weird, and then make fun of me to his friends. Adjusting her position on the couch, Diana brought her hands up to pick at her lips, an anxious habit she’d had since a child.

Before her fingers could even make contact with her mouth, Biz’s hand swatted it away, an amused look on her face.

“You told me to stop you from picking!” Biz held up her arms in defense, “I just wanted to remind you to tag the bakery the croissants are from on Insta before I leave.”

Biz was driving back to Philadelphia with Eli for the day, giving Diana and Joe the apartment alone for the day. After Biz made her way out of the door, Diana busied herself taking pictures for her social media posts, starting the first episode of Game of Thrones, and snacking on the sweets that had been delivered while she was in the shower. Before she knew it her phone was ringing, Joe’s name flashing across the screen.

“Hey,” Diana greeted, standing to pace in the living room.

“Hey,” Joe responded, “I’m about to get in the elevator, I just wanted to let you know I’m almost there.”

“Okay. Once you get to the 14th floor, we’re on the right. See you in a minute.”

Moments later, Diana was opening the front door of her apartment, eyes scanning over Joe’s body. He was dressed in a tie-dyed blue and purple, Space Jam crewneck and a pair of gray sweats. She had never understood before when her friends had talked about men in gray sweats, but seeing Joe had shown her the light.

“Hey,” Diana finally found her voice, gesturing for him to walk in the door.

“Hey, again,” Joe joked, making his way past Diana to stand in the entryway. Closing the door, Diana met Joe’s eyes and felt her face heat up.

“So, I have uhm, some pastries and fruit in the living room if you want to go in there. I’m like halfway through the first episode of Game of Thrones if you want to go watch.” Diana’s voice came out quicker than normal, nerves filling the space between the butterflies in her stomach.

Joe shook his head with a grin. “Alright. That sounds great to me.”

The pair made their way past the kitchen and into the living room, Diana waving her arm in the direction of the couch. “Make yourself comfortable. What do you want to drink?”

“Water sounds great, thanks,” Joe answered, walking to the corner of the couch. When she returned, Joe had sat down and was taking in the surroundings of Diana’s living space. The room was the same cream color that most high-end rentals are nowadays, sectional taking up most of the space. A coffee table in front held Diana’s laptop, a plate with croissants, cinnamon rolls, and strawberries, a glass of water, and two of the flower arrangements that Joe sent her the day before. The sectional was up against a full wall picture window, sage green blinds pulled halfway across and faced a flat screen TV that was paused on an image of Daenerys Targaryen walking into a steaming bath.

“I know it’s plain, but we’re only staying here temporarily,” Diana said referring to the room they were in, her presence startling Joe.

“Oh. Planning on moving soon?” Joe inquired, pulling himself deeper into the couch. Diana set the glasses down on the coffee table and sat down next to Joe, leaving about a foot of space between them.

“Kind of? I wanted to stay in New York until the tour starts and then Biz and I were going to look at houses,” Diana said in response, “I don’t necessarily want to settle down in a huge city, but I can’t imagine myself going back to Philly.”

“Did you hate it there or something?” Joe seemed genuinely intrigued about Diana’s plans, which was something that surprised her. She had only really known him for 36 hours and she was ready to tell him everything.

“Only since my dad died,” Diana said, instantly followed with, “Oh my god. That was so depressing. Ignore me.”

“You’re fine. It’s the real reason,” Joe chuckled, “I’ll quit interrogating you.”

The two talked a little more about Joe’s flight back to Cincinnati at 9 and the Grammys that happened the night before, somehow landing on their Game of Thrones opinions.

“I won’t deny that she’s completely batshit insane, yes. But she’s one of the best characters!” Diana said, excitedly of Cersei. “That’s not what you said, you said she was your favorite character,” Joe countered, “Which, if it is true, is wild.”

Diana laughed as she brought her legs onto the couch and crossed them crisscross-applesauce. The space that had previously existed between her and Joe disappeared, her knee pressing into his thigh. Attempting to ignore the heat that was making its way up her neck, Diana leaned forward and grabbed the remote. “Just watch it from my perspective,” she said before pressing play.

The rest of the first episode and the entire second one played while Diana and Joe snacked and gave commentary on what was happening in the show. Between episodes, Diana had readjusted, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over herself. She wasn’t sure when it happened, but sometime around the opening credits of the third episode after she had ordered pizza, she found herself pressed into Joe’s side with his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Within fifteen minutes of that, Diana found herself straddling Joe, hands on either side of his face, lips moving in sync with his. Joe’s right hand found its way to her hair as her lips traveled to the hair on his jawline.

“I like this scruff,” Diana panted between kisses, starting at his chin and making her way back up to the sensitive spot beneath his ear. Joe’s left hand traveled to her waist, reaching under her t-shirt and making contact with her bare skin. “I’ll keep that in mind,” just loud enough for Diana to hear. Diana ground her hips into his lap, feeling him harden beneath her and his hand traveled to her breast, massaging it eagerly.

They continued kissing a moment longer until Joe grabbed hold of Diana and laid her down on the couch. His lips found her neck and he asked, “Is this okay?” as he shifted his weight to not crush the woman below him, his left hand returned to its place under her shirt. “Take this off,” Joe said, gesturing to the material. Diana complied. “Couldn’t be better,” Diana sighed as Joe nipped lightly at her collarbone, tongue following shortly after his teeth.

“I’m sure there’s always room for improvement,” his voice laced with lust and arrogance. Just as Diana was about to ask what he meant, Joe’s hand moved from her breast to the waistband of her sweatpants.

With a nod of Diana’s head, Joe’s hand dipped beneath the waistband of both her sweatpants long fingers gently brushing her clit through her panties. A soft moan left Diana’s lips as she leaned forward to connect her lips to Joe’s again. His fingers teased her, using his thumb and forefinger to play with the material separating him from her core. Lifting her hips hoping Joe would get the hint, she pressed her core firmly against his fingers.

“More,” she breathed. Joe pulled the fabric aside and his fingers were instantly met with the slick wetness of Diana’s arousal. Sliding his middle finger along her slit, he brought it up to her clit and began to rub. Pleasure clouded Diana’s thoughts, Joe’s voice asking her if he could take her pants off barely making it through haze. She lifted her hips and pulled the material down her legs as Joe sat up, tugging his shirt over his head.

Joe stared at her for a moment, taking in the sight in front of him. Laying in only her black lace panties, Diana was too busy enjoying her own view to shy away from the hunger Joe was staring at her with. Joe was clearly a man who took care of his body and it showed. She was in awe.

Before Diana could process the definition of his muscles, Joe had resumed his position next to her, covering her lips with another kiss. Then, without hesitation, he took her left nipple in her mouth. Diana moaned again, arousal red hot between her legs. It wasn’t long until Joe’s mouth began moving downward again, leaving kisses until he got to Diana’s hip bones.

“Can I?” Joe asked, staring up hungrily at Diana. Hesitant, Diana thought it over for a second. She had only received oral three times in her past relationship as her ex had found numerous reasons to avoid the act, most of them criticisms of Diana. Everything from she was unattractive to she was too picky when it came to the way he did it. Trying to shake thoughts of her ex from her head, Diana reassured herself that every signal Joe had given her had proved he wanted to do this. Finally, she nodded her head.

Wasting no time after getting her consent, Joe placed his lips around Diana’s clit and began sucking. Instinctively, her hips bucked into him, eager for more pleasure. Diana felt Joe smile into her skin, then a finger slid into her while he continued to suck and lick at her. After some movement, Joe added another finger, pausing a moment to help her get used to the width.

Diana tried to clear her mind, looking down at the man between her legs. His fingers were moving inside of her, curling to hit a spot inside of her that she seemed rather receptive to the first time he hit it. A warm tension was pooling in the pit of her stomach as she tried to clear any insecurities from her mind. “Fuck..” Joe’s mouth drew another slow moan out of Diana’s mouth. She leaned forward, propping herself up on her elbows. “As amazing as this feels- fuck. I don’t think that I’ll be able to- holy shit!- finish this way.” Joe pulled his face away from her core, licking his lips and shaking his head. “I think you underestimate my determination,” he stated. Not breaking eye contact, he dipped his head back down and placed another kiss on her clit and added another finger to the ones busy between her folds.

Joe’s hands and mouth continued in unison to work their magic until moments later when tension in her core began to build towards a peak and her body convulsed. She brought her hand to her mouth and bit down lightly as Joe’s teeth lightly grazed her clit. He used his free hand to rest against her hip bones, trying to hold her in place so he could help bring her to climax. Releasing her clit from his mouth, began to move his fingers with more purpose, trying to match the pace that Diana was trying to set.

“Fuck. Fuck! Joe, I think I’m going to-” Diana was cut off by her orgasm. Joe continued to pump his fingers into her as he peppered kisses on her forehead. Warmth radiated through her body, starting at her core and rippling from her head to her toes. “That’s right, baby. Just let it happen,” he encouraged as Diana let herself give in to the sensation.

Taking a deep breath and opening her eyes, Diana was staring into Joe’s blue eyes. “Thank you. I promise you did not need to do that” Diana whispered, trying not to let her nerves get the best of her. “I didn’t have to, I wanted to,” his response helped ease her worries. “Besides, I didn’t want to not live up to what was advertised,” he joked, referencing the interview Ja’Marr had given. Just then, the doorbell rang indicating that the pizza they delivered had arrived.

An hour later, Joe and Diana had devoured an entire pizza and had spent the entire time deep in conversation. Trying to avoid bringing up what just happened, Diana kept the topics focused on friends and growing up. She learned about Joe’s parents and his brothers and heard what it was like to grow up in a relatively small town in Ohio, while she told Joe about how she grew up in Philadelphia, her mom leaving before she turned 10, and her dad passing away a few years ago. It felt almost relieving to have someone ask questions about the things she actually cared about.

It wasn’t long before Joe’s phone started ringing from its spot on the coffee table. Joe stood up and walked out of the room to take the call. It was a quarter till six, meaning that Joe’s flight left in less than 5 hours. Diana’s head began swimming with contradicting thoughts, sad that he had to leave soon and fear of what that meant.

When Joe ended the call, he walked back into the room, looking at his phone. “Apparently, I should leave in no more than ten minutes to make it back in time to pack for our flight. I guess I should leave” Joe looked just as conflicted as Diana felt. “Will I get to see you again?”

Diana felt her heart start beating harder than it ever had. This man was a fucking dream. “Yeah, that’d be cool. I’d like that,” Diana nodded, walking Joe to the door.

“Cool. I had a really good time today,” a smile covered Joe’s face when Diana turned a deep red. “I’m willing to repeat it anytime,” he said with a wink.

Diana shoved Joe slightly, arriving at the front door. Joe engulfed her in a hug, placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

“But seriously, I would like to hang out again. I’ll text you, okay?” He was looking down at her now, smirk still on his face

With a nod, Diana pushed herself onto her tiptoes to kiss him goodbye. Making sure she locked the door behind him, she raced to her phone to send her sister a text.

Sending the message, Diana couldn’t help to smile to herself. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted from this relationship with Joe, but she knew for sure she wanted more of it.

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Sorry for the delay, I just couldn't get this chapter right! Hope you all enjoy! If you've read this far, please let me know what you think, even on anon!

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