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magicxc · 29 days

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Give Me A Try

Pairings: Carol Danvers x OC!Reader x Steve Rogers

Word Count: 4898

Warnings: a lil nipple action, exhibitionism, fingering, praise kink, overstimulation, slight dom Carol, cunnilingus, pussy slapping

A/N: This request has been 2 years in the making lmfaoo but I'm truly proud of how this turned out. It was supposed to be a one and done but the plot started PLOTTING and my ass just HAD to keep adding more. Unfortunately I simply cannot write really long one shots for I tire easily, so this will be broken up into a few parts. It's the spur of the moment fics like this that really are my *chef's kiss* 🤌🏾 so by all means, please enjoy!!

Chapter 1

Masterlist

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of a cure. That idiom is what my mother would constantly sing throughout the house, a hint of a warning attached to it no doubt. But it wasn’t until I was old enough to really understand the meaning did her words resonate with me in regard to my adventurous childhood.

This was often stressed to me in particular situations such as sneaking around a bees nest in hopes of tasting authentic honey, sliding down the house stairs with a snow sled, jumping off high walls in order to swing from a powerline - all acts fueled by my unlimited curiosity. However my mother was adamant that she didn't know where the hospital was until it was time to go to work, as she was a trauma nurse after all. Although I'm sure she would never let me suffer in agony, she wasn’t too keen on being at work if she wasn’t on the clock.

These days though I've come to view that idiom with a different set of lens. Freshly graduated from high school, I slowly realised that having all the time in the world to choose a career was quite literally a lie. Time seemed sluggish yet instant all the same and soon enough senior year was passing me by. At first I dabbled with the idea of a gap year and spent many community service hours experimenting with different career fields to get a good sense of what I’d like to do forever. Soon enough I landed on dentistry, initially out of job security but eventually because I enjoyed it.

As someone who donned braces in middle school that confidence boost is something I wish for everyone, plus the salary and flexibility seemed nice. All in all the more I delve into the field, the comfier it felt, like sinking into a fluffy futon that gradually swallows you whole. Unfortunately the path to dentistry was riddled with bullshit pre-reqs. And while I almost had my fuck it moment, I figured this would lead to a more lucrative outcome than the tik tok influencer route that I originally planned; seeing as this way I would have something reliable to fall back on. It seems ma was right after all in the sense that an ounce of prevention is indeed worth a pound of a cure.

“Considering sexuality is a spectrum, that means there has to be exactly one person out there who is the gayest.”

“Carol what the fuck are you on about?” I giggled.

“Hear me out, a leather skirt with the platform boots to match? It doesn't get gayer than that babe.”

“It’s called fashion, thank you.”

“There is literally a picture of Cara Delevigne on your shirt,” she pointed out. "Not to mention those fishnet stockings and that tight ass corset."

“I’m not about to do this with you.”

"Listen sweetness, I don’t mind,” she winked. “You can be gayer than me any day.”

“GOODBYE Carol!”

“I love youuuu,” she sang as we separated down the halls.

“Yeah yeah, I love you too,” I yelled over my shoulder.

Introductory to College Success is a great starter class for those unsure of what life holds for them, however it’s a money grab for others that are. Riddled with hypothetical questions, life goals, and career fields, the class offers a good outlook on the possibilities of life after highschool, but not for $350 per credit hour. Too bad it’s mandatory for all freshman students. The upside of it all is the easy A that this class is supposed to guarantee. Stepping into the threshold, I settle into the seat closest to the back, more comfortable with the idea of not being seen and certainly not being called on.

“Good morning class, I’m Professor Rogers and before we get started I need y’all to give me like 10 stars on that rate my professor app.”

Yeahhh this about to be the easiest A I’ve ever gotten cause aint no way.

|~~

“Cam, say sike right the fuck now!!” Carol squealed. “And what did you do after that?”

“I gave him a 5 star rating, what you mean?”

Head thrown back, I watched as Carol bursted at the seams at the retelling of my first day of class. She couldn’t believe it and neither could I if I’m being honest - shock still at the forefront of my mind that Professor Rogers isn’t as mythical as people made him out to be. He’s chill, assigns easy ass work, and has a 100% pass rate with his students. If only all my pre-req professors worked that way.

Word around town is that Mr. Rogers is somewhat of a nepo baby, this job being a direct offer from the college president seeing as Mr. Stark is like an uncle of sorts. Whether he qualifies or not is none of my business so long as I pass his class, and by the looks of it, it’s off to a pretty good start.

Legs softly brushing against Carols underneath the table of the quaint coffee shop, the loud whiz of the blender fades into the background as I listen intently to her first day of college chronicles. Distant chatter helps fill the noisy atmosphere while the doorbell chimes with each new customer. A quick peek out the window has me noticing that the leaves are beginning to turn and I want so badly to savor the last bit of warmth before fall becomes full fledged.

Snaking her hand in mine, I kiss along her warm skin, a request in between each peck of us finishing this conversation outside. Thankfully it doesn’t take her long to accept, that same hand reaching around my face to twist her fingers through my curls. Wrapping up the last bits of our coffee we leave the coffee shop, fingers interlocked in lieu of our next mission.

|~~

“Ohhh, one of my professors mentioned a popular lake nearby that’s supposed to be really scenic,” she quipped over the steering wheel.

“Is it isolated? Cause you know I don’t get down like that Carol, that's the type of shit that’ll have us end up on the ID channel.”

“Relax, it’s like 5 minutes off the main road and it’s actually known to be a lovers paradise."

Eyeing the cell phone mounted on the dash for directions, one hand on the wheel while the other cradles the back of my headrest, she makes a particularly tricky maneuver; her tongue darting between pink lips as it hangs on the corner in concentration. Fingers reaching into my hair, I gently twirl them around, entranced at how she manages to make the mundane look hot.

As racy as my thoughts get rolling for Carol, it's truly the little things she does that warms my insides - like how during the winter she puts my towel in the dryer so it’s extra warm when I get out the shower or making me a pottery mug just for tea after learning that I’d drink it almost every day. She usually takes the world for what it is and views it with a small sense of naivety, choosing instead to see the good in all; and sometimes I wish, if only for a second, that I could see things through her lens - with such light and curiosity.

“Now I see why the lake is named Shady Depths," she said pulling into the bushes.

“Now Carol-”

“I know, I know, trust me I had the same idea; but apparently it garnered its name from the many cheating scandals that took place there.”

“Girl, not you taking me to a place where relationships meet their end.”

Tossing a bottle cap at me, Carol goes on to mention how we can be the reason the lake gains another type of reputation and also that our relationship shouldn’t be built around superstition.

“Mhmm, are you sure that’s the ONLY reason it’s called Shady Depths?”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting scared?” she feigns surprise.

“Being scared and aware are two very different things.”

“As someone majoring in dentistry I’m pretty sure you can handle a few minutes at this lake.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, slurping the last bits of coffee, the hallow noise of the straw a clear indication that the sticky goodness was finished.

“Cam, the human mouth is terrifying. I saw what my niece's looked like before the silver teeth and let's just say I was never the same.”

At that I choked on my spit, a haughty combination of laughter and hacking the result of my carelessness. But I can’t help being so care-free around Carol, her authentic nature comforting enough to bring out my kooky personality.

It’s been about two years since we’ve made things official. We’d met sophomore year at our highschools trivia night - a game night dedicated to all the social club participants to celebrate the end of the school year. Chocked full of snacks, fun music, and fierce competition it was typically the highlight of the final semester for all involved. At some point during the games, Carol and I had found ourselves on opposing teams, making it to the final round three different times, and what started out as initial frustration soon blossomed into genuine curiosity.

Shortly after, the familiar face that I’d pass by in the hallways began accompanying me to after school hangouts, study sessions, and the occasional sleep over. A soft brushing of the hands here and prolonged eye lingering there, we’d come to realise that there was something between the two of us and while Carol had always been so sure of herself, it was me that had to work up the courage to be at the same level of comfort. All it took was one rainy night and a promise to see where things would take us that led to this very moment - pulling into what feels like a page out of a magazine book.

While secluded areas aren't typically my thing, this lake does bring a soothing sense of familiarity to it as if I, too, had spent some fun nights out here. There’s a dock at the edge of the shore that extends about 100 feet into the water, with a pool ladder that dips into what looks to be no more than five steps beneath the chilling surface. As the sun sets beneath the horizon its golden rays spread across each ripple of water, glimmering with the last remnants of the physical representation of the day. Although inviting, I know the water is far from warm, the sun providing only a source of light rather than heat; however it can be a relief on a hot sunny day as opposed to the cooling 70° that drifts through the autumn air. There’s chairs scattered near the dock, remains of what looks to be a bonfire littered around, and deep into the corners are a pair of hammocks tied to the trees. This is definitely a place I can see myself visiting if not for the scenery, then certainly the serenity that it brings.

Cutting the engine, Carol shifts toward me, her eyes gleaming with mischief, an I told you so on the tip of her tongue as she clocked the way that I admired the area.

“I don’t wanna hear it. You ate that lil one thing or whatever.”

“I did what?” she asked, hand cupping her ear.

“You did your big one Carol damn,” I chuckled. “This lake is actually really quaint.”

“Mhmm yeah, some of the locals were talking about it earlier and I just had to see for myself what all the hype was about.” “I genuinely wouldn’t mind coming out here with some snacks next time or even just to do some homework,” I commented, gaze lingering over the small waves.

“I’m looking at a snack right now,” Carol chirped, tongue darting out of her mouth and swiping across her lips.

Leaning across the console, just low enough for my breasts to peek over the neckline of my shirt, I reach over and slid my tongue against hers; the feel of it moist and thick as she looped it around mine, mouth opening to accept me entirely. The bitter taste of coffee greets my taste buds and I delve deeper into the kiss, nose brushing against Carols as I gladly accept the remnants of her earlier refreshment.

Tracing over the hem of my shirt, Carols expert hands trail upward, her nimble finger tips rolling each nipple through the fabric with her thumb and forefinger until I cry out into the kiss.

Mouth swallowing my mewls, Carol releases me with a slippery pop, suggesting that we take this party outside, preferably on the hood of the car.

“Are you serious?” I screeched, eyes bulging from their sockets.

“C’mon, I thought you’ve always wanted to try a little exhibitionism.”

“Yeah, back then when I was young and dumb.”

“You’re still young and dumb,” she teased.

A few playful slaps land on her arm at the remark, her insistence becoming more convincing by the minute. After all, we were the only ones here and the place echoed loud enough to hear any approaching tires against the gravel, which would give us just enough time to collect ourselves.

“Carol you have until sunset, so you better make it quick,” I urged.

“By the looks of it that’s in 15 minutes, 20 tops,” she replied. “It’s all good though cause I’ve made you cum in less.”

Heat rising to the surface of my cheeks, I have to look away, her aura and down right naughty words too much for me to physically handle at this point. Using her fingers, she redirects my face toward hers, pecking my lips while lightly dragging hers to the side of my jaw, effectively ordering me to get out of the car and onto the hood.

Pulling away and stepping out, I gently shut the door close, trying my best to keep quiet in the off chance that lingering ears are close by. We both saunter to the front of the car, my hand reaching over the steel to get a feel of if I can comfortably sit there. Palm pressed flatly against the surface, Carol stands behind me, her face in my neck as her palm sits parallel to mine.

“Feels *kiss* about *kiss* right *kiss* to *kiss* me.”

“Are you sure this won’t burn me? I have very sensitive thighs,” I nervously admitted, bottom lip caught between my teeth.

“I’ve seen you shower in water hotter than this sweetness, but if it gets too much just let me know and we’ll stop, mhmkay.”

Nose crinkling at the thought that we’re actually going through with this, I gently hop on top of the car and carefully scoot my way up to the middle of the hood.

“God I’m so glad that you wore a skirt today.”

It was primarily a fashion choice. Had I known that it’d be serving other purposes, I would’ve opted for a softer material rather than this sticky leather.

Lips harshly colliding with mine, Carol's eagerness is on full display, teeth clashing in the mix of our spit swapping kiss. Her hands hike my skirt up as I lift my hips to help with the process. Sliding my panties to the side, she wastes no time in shoving her fingers inside me, twisting them around to get an idea of just how much moisture needs to be added to the equation, if any.

“What a slut,” she taunts. “Five minutes in and you’re already wet enough to end the water crisis.”

“Carol,” I whimpered, annoyed that she can find the time to talk while her fingers have come to a standstill.

“Nuh uh you want it so bad, come show me just how you want my fingers to feel.”

‘Wha- huh? I don’t understand.”

“Ride my fingers and if you do it well enough, I may just use them.”

“Ca-”

“Ride them,” she demanded.

Legs spread apart, I dig my heels in the bumper of the car for balance, hips rising ever so slightly as I begin to carefully drive them towards Carols fingers. Slowly sliding down I start a slight bouncing movement, shifting down and then back up again as Carol intentionally keeps her fingers still.

“That’s it,” she coos. “Just keep going like that and you’ll find your groove.”

And just like that I went, feet planted onto the car as I did my best to glide down her slender fingers. My palms dig into the hood, its warmth radiating heat to my already hot body. And thankfully it starts to feel good, good enough for me to inch my way further down each time, careful not to slip entirely.

“Good girl,” she praises. “Look at you, deep in concentration just for a taste of my fingers.”

My thighs begin to burn at the balance I have to maintain, forehead moist at the workout I find myself in. But still I continue, deliberate in my ministrations, this time reaching for the base of her knuckles.

At that she pulls back, making my goal post further than it needs to be, frustration etched onto my features.

“That’s cheating,” I huffed.

“Yeah well, I can’t make it too easy for you,” she chirped.

“This isn’t easy at all.”

“Nothing in life ever is, now do it again.”

“I’ll drop if I-”

At that she thrusts her fingers into my core, quick enough to surprise me and deep enough to cause a little discomfort, my retort effectively cut off.

“You’ll what, you'll drop? When have I ever dropped you?” she questioned. “When did you stop trusting me huh?”

Reaching forward she drags my bottom lip forward with her teeth, burying them into the soft flesh until my whines crescendoed. She eventually lets it go, pulling back only to scold me further.

“Did you actually think me so careless that I’d let you hurt yourself? That I can’t see past my own lust?”

Was it annoyance or anger? I couldn’t really tell. Carol’s fingers never slowed down enough for my mind to catch up with her words. Insistent on pumping them inside of me, all I could do was sit there and wail, her digits now curled upward as she continued thrusting them.

“And do you really think that I should let you cum?”

Now that I caught. Caught it quick enough to realise that my hips were pushing against her fingers, meeting them each time her hand pulled back in a desperate attempt to hit my peak. But the implication that I may not, had my eyes glossy with tears, irritated that Carol could even think to deprive me after all those hoops she's so excitedly make me jump through.

“Don’t even worry, cause I’m about to give you all that and more.”

Thumb placed on the pearl of my clit, she vigorously circles it, her fingers continuing their come hither motion as my hips bounced against her knuckles. Belly caved in, chest tight, and head numb, I couldn’t help the tears that brimmed over and cascaded down my cheeks, head thrown back as I felt the water works slide down my ass.

My brain was so foggy, it didn’t register that Carol never stopped. It took me coming again to notice that she intended to work my body past the confines of comfort and on any other day I truly wouldn’t mind the challenge. But here, in this secluded ass wilderness, with darkness just around the corner had me calling a timeout.

Gathering the little energy I have left, both arms shot out and locked around her dominant one, slowing her skilled movements in a pathetic plea to slow down or stop altogether; begging for which I truly couldn't tell.

“I don't know, it wouldn’t seem fair to cheat you out of feeling so good,” she feigns concern.

“Carol please don’t.”

“Silly me, I forgot just how much of a hands on learner you are, like when you learned just how many times you could cum.”

Truth be told I still don’t know as I lost count after the eighth. Tales from the straights had me nervous about being able to make it to the finish line, let alone being able to do it more than once in a single setting. However, questioning Carol on such a fact did give me the answers I needed, just not in the way I expected as I passed out that night.

Carol has a way of telling me what I want, but to the extreme. This is her weird way of building trust and proving that actions do speak louder than words, so the next time she asks me to ride her fingers, I'm gonna do that shit with no hands to see just how good those reflexes are when put to the test.

“Besides, what happened to the whole sunset thing?” she quipped.

“The deal was you could make me cum before it sets,” I panted. “Now lets see what I could do with the six minutes of light we have left.”

Eyebrows arched, a challenging grin meets my tired one, Carols competitive urge no doubt itching to stop her in her tracks so that it gets the chance to shine. Slowly removing her fingers from inside me, she coaxes my mouth open for me to clean them, rolling each digit over my tongue as she drives them forward in a rocking type motion.

“You have exactly five minutes to show me how this wouldn’t be a complete waste of time,” she cautioned, diving in for a soft kiss.

Helping me off the car, Carol mounts herself atop the hood in my place, watching through hooded eyes as I fixed my clothing. Skirt straightened and shirt tucked, I look up to see that Carol already assumed the position, her legs spread wide with her clothed pussy on full display.

“I see you get a kick out of being a little dominatrix,” I teased, referring to the damp spot in the middle of her underwear.

“Oh trust me there isn’t anything little about me, and you have four minutes left before I get down there and show you.”

She always has to one up me, but I’m gonna take a page out of her book and let my actions do the talking. I wanna see just how smart that mouth is when she gets to whimpering like a bitch in heat.

Wasting no time, I attach my lips to her pussy through the underwear, her sharp intake of breath just waiting to let loose at the inevitable contact of skin on skin; and as much as I want to hold out, as much as I want to drag out this feeling, the sun won't last too much longer.

Slipping my fingers inside the fabric she finally lets loose, blowing out the sweet release that lets me know that I'm on the right track. Tongue darting past my lips, I lick a trail up the center, making sure to stop at her dripping heat before diving inside and twisting it around. Carols sticky excitement gets smeared across my chin in the process of it all and I gently scrape my teeth across her lips to keep her feisty ass on edge.

Glancing above, we lock eyes but mine can’t help focusing on the sky behind her which seems to be darkening by the second and so I drag my face upward, tongue noisily sliding across her slick pussy until it reaches her shy bud peeking through the hood.

“Even in sex you manage to be challenging,” I taunted, palm rising up to land on her core.

Her hips jump forward and I have to physically hide the smile that threatens to creep up, my hand once more connecting with her skin in attempt to see just how flustered she’d get.

thwack

“There she is, she’s just a little shy huh?” I cooed, thumb coming up to circle the now fully protruded bud. “Talk to me Carol, why you so quiet all of a sudden mhmm?”

“I’m just waiting -”

Before she could finish, I clamped my mouth to her clit, squeezing and sucking until I knew for sure any fiery remark was effectively doused. It’s such a turn on for me, watching my strong girl get so weak in the knees, watching intently as she ate her fucking words every time.

She can’t help but buck those slutty hips toward my face, unintentionally chasing the high I’d so gladly give her, but its the closing of her legs that has my face upturned. Thighs locking around my neck, I use both my hands to pin them to the cooling hood, my lips now a vacuum as it harshly suctions against her glistening pearl. She settles for aimlessly thrashing about, the steel of the car bending in ways Im not entirely sure we can fix.

“You have tw- two minutes lef- uhhh ahhh,” she screeches.

She never misses a chance to talk her shit and I'll never miss a opportunity to turn down a challenge, adding my two fingers to the mix to help speed things along.

The car shakes viciously, her thighs struggling underneath my hand, my fingers no doubt leaving behind an imprint of just how good this night will end for her. Soon enough Carol’s fingernails graze my scalp, her hands pulling at my hair in all sorts of gratifying ways; a heavy hum of approval slipping past my lips and sending direct shock waves to her insides.

The driving of my fingers never cease, and it's the way she clenches her hips, lifting them ever so slightly that lets me know just how dangerously close she is. Thirsty seconds left on the clock and I all but power speed through the final seconds, my mouth no doubt borderline painful on her now swollen clit.

In the knick of time I feel the dam of Carols walls break down, overflowing with her sticky essence as a result of probably the hardest work I’ve put in. She lies flatly on the car, her chest heavily panting as she takes a minute to rejoin me back on earth.

“Talk to me nice or don’t talk to me twice. FIVE MINUTES? Who the fuck could ever get you going in such a short time?” I bragged.

“You did your big one Cam damn,” she mimicked from earlier today, lengthy breaths puffing past her mouth as she struggles to catch herself.

“Yeah that’s right, now come put those lips on mine and see just how fucking delectable you taste.”

Smiling, she raises up off the hood of the car, grunting at the effort it took and slid down ever so slightly until her mouth met mine; soft kisses at first, that soon turned passionate; her hands coming up to cup my cheeks for an easier maneuver.

Splashing from the water breaks the kiss, both of us craning our necks to see where the source is coming from, but all that greets us is how beautifully the moon kisses the rippling water, it’s pale reflection sitting atop the never ending tide. All remnants of the day is gone, the darkness swallowing the area whole and now adding a eerie vibe to the once peaceful scene.

“C’mon C, let's head out,” I suggested. “I don’t care what that sound was and I’m not sticking around to find out.

“It’s probably just a tree branch or a small animal taking a nightly dive,” she chuckled.

“Again, I’m sticking around to find out.”

Laughing, she jumps from the hood, her wobbly footing almost sending her crashing to the ground. Helping with her stance, we fix her dress and head inside the car for some relief from the cooling breeze.

“Whadya say, think we can buff out those dents?” Carol teases, revving the engine.

“Girl that’s tomorrow's problem. All I care about right now is a shower and some food.”

“Yes ma’am,” she concedes, her hand finding a permanent place on my thigh. “How are you feeling? I wasn’t too rough was I?”

“No, just mean,” I confess.

“I’m sorry sweetness, sometimes I can go a little overboard. But all you gotta do is say the word and I’ll stop right in my tracks, knuckles deep and all.”

Palm slapped across my mouth, I fell into a fit of giggles at Carol's refusal to mince her words. Thankfully she’s never gotten too rough with me and was always right there with the perfect amount of aftercare to make sure that things never made me feel degraded.

Carol’s rough is borderline dominatrix whereas my rough is just me talking my shit. We both switch depending on our immediate moods, sex between us a combination of dom and sub behaviours from both parties, but at the end of it all is where we come together to make sure that everyone is on one accord.

“Im gonna run us a bath when we get back to the apartment and we can order from that Thai place down the street?” she offers.

“Thats only if I don't fall asleep right away.”

“Oh sweetness, I won’t let that happen. Cause you still owe me two more rounds and I’ll be damned if I don’t get them.”

#Emmy Writes #Emmy Tries #Marvel Fanfic #Marvel Imagines #Marvel Cinematic Universe #mcu #marvel mcu #College AU #Request Me Please #original story and characters #original characters #Carol Danvers #Captain Marvel #marvel x oc #carol danvers x female reader #they're GAYYYY #captain marvel x reader

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phoenixkaptain · 1 year

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I love it when pre Original Trilogy era shows how much effort went into making the Death Star. It took decades, literal decades, and it took so much money and so many people and it was such a secretive thing and it’s staffed by millions because it’s the size of a small moon.

I cannot express how much all of the added information makes it so much funnier that Luke blew it up.

Luke destroys literally everything Palpatine built. He blows up the Death Star, which was referenced in universe as early as the second movie. He blew up the weapon of mass destruction twenty years in the making. And he blew it up pretty much directly after it’s first and only successful attack. It was operational for fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes that Palpatine had the thing he’d been building for longer than Luke has been alive, and Luke blows it up. First day retirement, but first hour retirement.

Luke convinces Darth Vader to turn back to the light side, a feat thought literally impossible by literally everybody. Sidious clearly doesn’t see Vader’s betrayal coming. Vader’s betrayal was not in his plans, nor was it something he was prepared for. Sidious is a powerful Force user with all four limbs while Vader is a man in the tin can Palpatine put him in. If Palpatine had seen Vader turning coming, he would not have allowed it to happen.

Luke literally should not even be alive. Palpatine almost definitely got Padme out of the way on purpose, and he almost certainly was trying for her unborn child as well (there was way too big of a risk that a cute liddol bebe would bring some humanity back to Anakin, and Palpatine did not want Anakin to have any humanity) Luke living is literally the first step in Palpatine’s ultimate downfall, especially once Vader finds out that Luke is his son. His very alive son. His son that is not dead, despite Palpatine claiming Anakin killed Padme. Implying that Anakin killed Padme and she posthumously gave birth. But, she didn’t give birth on Mustafar, which was the last place Anakin interacted with her. And once the mother dies, you have to get those fuckers out fast or they die too.

I imagine Darth Vader piecing all of this together is that meme with all the math floating around his head, because how could Padme have died by his hand and then given birth like two hours later?

Luke killing Palpatine is what ultimately leads to the dissolution of the Empire as an omnipotent entity. Luke killed the Empire. Luke spends a good amount of his adult life killing Empire remnants. We see that in the Mandalorian, since he’s so recognizable that Gideon immediately knows he’s fucked just by seeing an X-wing. We read it in Legends’ continuity, where Luke terrifies Imperials because he can walk into their changing room and stand in their for a minute and they don’t even notice.

Luke destroyed Palpatine’s life’s work. Everything Palpatine spent his whole life working towards, and Luke kills all of it. He blows up not one, but two Death Stars (he may not have pulled the trigger on the second Death Star, but without him, it never would have been destroyed). He convinces not one, but multiple Sith and Dark Jedi to return from the Dark Side. He is the only reason that Obi-Wan Kenobi, the biggest pain in Palpatine’s ass ever born, lives long enough to make it to the Death Star.

Palpatine went through so much effort. And just when he had finally won, when he finally had a weapon capable of destroying entire planets with a single blast, making it impossible for any planets or peoples to go against him, Luke shows up nineteen years late to the Jedi party with space Starbucks and a droid twice his age and almost singlehandedly destroys everything Palpatine ever had a hand in creating.

Luke manages to become even worse than Obi-Wan Kenobi, the ultimate thorn in the side of politicians, and Luke doesn’t even understand any politics. He wasn’t trained in diplomacy like Obi-Wan and Leia, no, he’s a farmboy who left home for the first time in his entire life, just this morning. And he is the one to destroy the Empire.

If they rewrote Star Wars and had it entirely from Palpatine’s perspective, Luke Skywalker would be his greatest foe. Luke Skywalker would be the final boss. Luke Skywalker is the antithesis of everything Palpatine believes in and he is the one character that Palpatine cannot predict. He isn’t as moldable as Anakin, he doesn’t respond to threats very well, he’s apparently impossible to kill via Force lightning (still the funniest scene of all times, the progression of Palpatine’s face falling and him looking like “what the fuck??? Is this kid rubber??? I’ve electrocuted him eight times???”), his unwavering faith in his father’s goodness makes Darth Vader want to be a better person, Luke Skywalker is the big bad of Palpatine’s story and—

There is nothing in this world that is funnier than someone’s biggest antagonist being Luke fucking Skywalker. Luke Skywalker, who saved the galaxy with the power of love and who shouldn’t exist, by Jedi rules and by Palpatine’s own attempts, and whose best friends are literally droids, which Palpatine canonically hates!

Everything about this is hilarious, this is the funniest thing in all of media, Palpatine loses absolutely everything to some backwater farmboy who fucking likes droids.