#Or tell anyone this is maybe the case
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Part of me is really hoping this is an "Indefinite Hiatus" sort of thing. Like they're taking a break and they may not be back, but the possibility of return isn't zero
#Or it's just denial#I won't get my hopes too high up#Or tell anyone this is maybe the case#This is just my personal hope#And now my DND game's been cancelled so I might cry anyway#Fucking hell#qsmp#q!phil#q!philza#qsmp chayanne#qsmp lullah#qsmp tallulah
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Okay, we all know being a demigod is a shit position. Its scary and gets you killed in really nasty ways. But I feel like being a Big Three Kid has to be the shitiest position in all the shit positions.
Like, imagine being Thalia Grace. Your dad is king of the gods, lord of the skies. Led a war to get rid of a tyrant. And the only thing you get is his scorned wife AND brother, who both try to kill you (with one technically succeeding), a drunk of a mother, and brother who you thought was dead. Oh, wait, he’s not dead! No instead he was used as an offering to appease your dad’s wife and help fight in a war and prevent mass destruction.
Or maybe you can imagine being Percy. Son of the sea god, the stormbringer, the earthshaker. You get to live with a disgusting, abusive man for around 6 years. Who smells like literal shit. All because your scent as a demigod is too strong, BECAUSE of who your father is. You see things that you aren’t supposed to see and do things that people can’t do and go years thinking something is wrong with you. That your the problem. Then you get to the one place where you’re supposed to be save. But! Here is the kicker! You’re not! Your uncles hate you and you’ve been accused of stealing a symbol of power. A series of events that will kick off a war, and guess what. You’re a center point for it. Welcome to Camp Half-Blood.
Mhm, but then there’s Hazel. Daughter Pluto, god of the underworld and riches. But that doesn’t really change anything does it? She’s still living in 1930s America, in a red state. One where confederate flags still hang if you go deep enough into the city. She go to a school where the kids are supposed to be just like her! They still don’t like her tho. She’s got no idea who your father is, only that he left her with a parting gift. Only it’s not really a gift. Sure, she can pull rubies and diamonds from the earth, all worth millions. But anyone who’s ever gonna touch it will die. She lives with her mother, a woman gone so mad with greed it kills her. And Hazel, by the way. Laying dead Alaska, inhaling oil. But it doesn’t end there! She can’t have her mother suffering for eternity, can she? The answer is no. Hazel gets to spend the next 70 years in the Fields of Asphodel. It still doesn’t end! Because when she’s brought back to life, she gets to fight in a war against giants, her sad story seemingly never ending.
Nico’s a son of one of the Big Three, one of the most ancient and most powerful. But most people look at him as something bad, something not worth taking a second glance at. Something too look away from, mostly. He’s from the 30s, spent years in a magical time casino with only his sister at his side. She doesn’t stay for long though, she dies soon after they discover their heritage. And he doesn’t remember his mother much, a name without a face. A face without a name. He survived an attempted assassination at 2, though it wouldn’t be the only time his was life was threatened. He clings to his sister, even though she’s dead. He’s the son of the god of the underworld, is he not? There had to be a way, and there is. Only she won’t talk to him, she seems more concerned with communicating with the guy who got her killed instead. She chooses rebirth, and he decides to lay it to rest. She’s not coming back, and he has a war to fight in. (He gets stuck in a jar and forcibly outed a few years later, but that’s a lot to get into for now.)
Jason Grace is a pillar of New Rome, their golden boy, their American boy. He’s a son of Jupiter, a natural born leader. He’s been at camp for as long as he can remember, he wants to be praetor soon. He’s had a rocky start, but maybe he’ll be one of the lucky ones. Retire a veteran and live a long life with Reyna in New Rome. Only that never happened. He has no idea where he is, there’s a girl holding his hand, and she’s cute but it feels wrong. They get attacked and people come in and call him a Greek demigod, familiar, yes, but still wrong. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t put things into perspective the way it does for Piper and Leo. He’s goes to a quest to rescue Hera, the name sounds wrong. He nearly dies but at least he remembers who he is. He spends the next 6 months trying to get back home, even though he isn’t too sure on where or what home is. He gets there, eventually, but it doesn’t stop there. He’s dragged on quests and battles and fights in the war but at least he survives it, he’s still there. Apollo needs help, he and Piper give him aid. He gets dumped. He doesn’t get to he a veteran in New Rome. Not with Reyna, not with Piper, not with anybody. He doesn’t get kids or grandkids. No, he gets shot down, another demigod buried.
You could be any one of them, really. Pick your poison, but I guarantee you won’t like any of them. Spending years trying to find a place where you belong, where you feel safe. Only for it to never come.
Percy, who, if you really look at the books, isn’t really all that well liked until he’s at least 2 years into camp. Only to then be sidelined because the courages, brave, fearless daughter of Zeus is back from the dead. Nico, the son of one of the most feared and hated gods. Who has death written all over him, who excludes it so much animals can smell it and humans can sense it, who’s been ostracized and pushed off to the side since he was 10. Hazel, who was treated like disease as soon as she stepped foot on camp soil. Who’s gone her whole life looked as something that’s cursed, that will only bring misfortune, a bad omen.
Shit positions, all of them.
#Hazel and Jason make my head spin#also jaosn and Percy#I like how they both in a way didn’t want glory or to be some hero#i don’t think Jason mentions it much but they kids and grandkids mention in BOO is very telling#Percy’s is from the musical but whatever we all know the musical is canon#and show Percy thinking something is wrong with him and that he needs a mental evaluation of some kind is#everything#I’m making that canon now#I’d love to get a Thalia book#a trilogy maybe#first book is her with her mom and Jason + Luke and Annabeth on the run#ending with her dying#2nd book takes place after her resurrection and during the the war#final book is life with the hunters#and how she found peace in a world designed for her to struggle#I feel like out of all of them big three kids she’s the only one who got her happy ending#and in the fandom the hunters have gotten the reputation of being where Rick puts characters that can’t be shipped with anyone#but I really don’t think it’s the case with her#she’s also one of the only demigods where I think her story has come to a close#like it’s done#Percy’s story is almost done too#Nico and Hazel I feel aren’t quite there yet#percy jackson#thalia grace#hazel levesque#jason grace#nico di angelo#pjo hoo toa#heroes of olympus#percy jackon and the olympians
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Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.
When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?
Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?
I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.
I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.
An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.
So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.
Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡
#bungou stray dogs#seriously call me a clown and point and laugh at me if I'm proven wrong all you want#but I really feel like there's solid evidence for this#either s5 isn't gonna reach 109 at all (but I seriously cannot fathom where you would want to stop before then) or they'll go beyond it#if they really do end it with 109....... well i'll give Bones kudos for having the balls to do that ig lol#maybe i'm underestimating (overestimating???) them idk#also just to clarify I don't wanna make it sound like I think Asagiri let the anime/Bones dictate the manga's pacing#like I'm sure these were his/their (him and Harukawa's) own decisions first and foremost#not that (if this theory is true) the anime had a major impact on how the chapters were split and that it-#-would have been extremely different otherwise#i'm pretty confident in that Asagiri does not do anything with BSD he isn't comfortable with#and he doesn't let anyone tell him how to write his story#I just feel like he worked with Bones to make this near-simultaneous release happen#BUT if this is the case I don't feel like it had any major effect on the writing/final product that is the manga#like the last handful of chapters have been so incredible#so I at least am still perfectly happy lol#(i mean i'm devastated and a nervous wreck but u know 🫡 in a good way lmao)#anyway 110 in two days please let this theory be true because I need some fucking hope already#please let Oda show up as Dazai's guardian angel to help (see what I did there-)#it would be the perfect way to end the collective season that is 4/5 with s4 beginning with Oda and now ending with Oda#Asagiri are you reading me are you picking up what I'm putting down please please a ghost Oda is long overdue please-#Oda Verlaine Adam just GIVE ME SOMEONE ALREADY 😭😭😭#MAYBE EVEN A TASTE OF THE FYODOR BACKSTORY TO TIE INTO HIM BEING IN ANIME UNTOLD ORIGINS. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS
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In 'vis a vis' Janeway doesn't mention B'Elanna in the list of people who're worried about Tom which implies that B'Elanna didn't report the fact that "Tom" grabbed her arm, called her a disappointment and broke up with her (as Janeway definitely would have mentioned it as evidence of him acting strange if she knew about it) which makes sense on several different fronts but also makes me scream and cry loud enough to break glass.
#it reminds me of that time in 'Alice' (NOT related as vis a vis takes place seasons BEFORE 'Alice') but when B'Elanna says Tom:#'practically assaulted me' Janeway's not taking it seriously at all she says 'that doesn't sound like Tom' and I was like CAPTAIN??? DEATH?#but again that has no bearing on this in-universe bc that hasn't happened yet. REALLY I'm screaming and crying about B'Elanna's self esteem#issues which Steth literally manifested the worst case scenario of#Tom's little gesture when he gets back also goes over so well bc of this in MY mind.#Tom wanting her and Tom being with her is something B'Elanna wants regardless of how he actually acts in their relationship#(as long as it isn't abusive). He rarely puts her first without prompting or complaining BUT...he's a handsome human guy who wants her to b#his girlfriend. Ostensibly. And that's a prize you wanna hold onto.#God I love B'Elanna............#did she tell ANYONE or did she just sit with that interaction alone???#her not telling anyone implies that she DIDN'T go 'hey that's not like Tom! I should inform the captain of this incident!'#and that KILLS me dude...she's not like 'Something's terribly wrong with Tom or maybe that's an imposter!' she's like 'Tom said/did that to#me.' SCREAMING. SCREAMING. TOM. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS /BAD/ WITH B'ELANNA.
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that last post reminds me of how, similarly, it drives me up the wall whenever fandom (esp with regards to timkon) portrays kon as completely and utterly spineless and intimidated when it comes to bruce. (i mean, i'm not surprised, bc this comes from the same place as the content where tim is a fainting victorian maiden who needs to be protected by her strong stoic owner i mean father, which is definitely not a homophobic trope rooted in misogyny at all, but. that's a complaint for a different post.)
like, bruce's relationship with kon has admittedly been done differently by different writers and all, but at no point has kon ever backed down to him. during hypertime arc, bruce is cordial and even warm, in his way, as they send kon off:
later, towards the end of superboy '94, when kon and cass get into trouble and nearly get themselves killed, kon sees bruce being harsh on cass about it and inserts himself to demand he get half the blame and half the punishment, because it wasn't all on her. (i personally think the way bruce talks here is extremely cringefail and shitty, like... let's not make batman parrot racist rhetoric thanks, but. i blame that on writers moreso than the character.)
like, sure, he's a little hesitant (the "s-sir..." gets me.) but not enough to hold back an ounce in telling batman he's being unfair and an ass. he's not a shrinking violet just bc batman is ooo scary.
also coming to mind are:
a) the panels from batgirl (2000) where bruce is being an extremely overprotective and controlling figure over the idea of cass and kon being friends and clark tells him off for this (it's not directly kon interacting with bruce, but feels... relevant, lol, to the topic of bruce threatening kon and trying to scare him off in that possessive, steeped-in-misogyny way), as well as
b) the ones from tt03 where kon goes to gotham looking for tim, runs into bruce and steph-as-robin, and flips out like WHERE is tim, and bruce is just like. use your superhearing and figure it out. (note that he doesn't try to kick him out of gotham just for being there, either.)
i didn't include those last two bc i don't have them saved and frankly this post is long enough as is, but. you get the idea. kon isn't scared of batman. batman even likes him sometimes. and batman trying to intimidate him on purpose is something clark gets mad about.
#kon#bruce#timkon#rimi talks#maybe at this point i need to accept sometimes i write lil mini essays and i need a meta tag :/#anyway im just saying. the shovel talk trope is fucking stupid on so many counts like#kon tells bruce to stop being an asshole. he will never be scared by any of the others lol#also the boy literally hands out a kryptonite stake to anyone he dates like ''oh just in case you need to kill me!''#try to shovel talk that and he'll be like oh yes if you think it's better if i'm dead actually i super get that#and if you get to that point tim is going on the warpath i think. against you .#but. i also think any of the bats doing a shovel talk over tim is ooc to begin with#anyway
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Back when mahiru thought his uncle might be dead he had a flashback to the accident that resulted in his mother's death, but one thing I noticed is that we don't actually see akira in this memory? It feels like either mahiru (or someone like lily or jeje) is supressing his memory here.
And if someone possibly killed akira on purpose, who was it and why?
#servamp#akira shirota#mahiru shirota#I mean the biggest plot twist would actually be that she faked her death and is actually alive/a vampire for whatever reason#But assuming she's dead who would have a motive#touma seems unlikely I feel like he would have taunted mahiru with that back when he mentioned killing several people#I forgot how old mahiru was when akira died but mikuni was probably still too young and also he used to hate humans getting killed#No idea why he's working with tsubaki to do a ritual that will kill all of tokyo now#Tsubaki maybe? He might know about what is so special about mahiru. In that case killing the mother (who also knew what's special about him#Would make some sense. She can't tell mahiru or anyone else about it if she's dead.#But killing her in a way that might have killed mahiru as well...assuming whatever is special about mahiru is needed for the ritual#Risky#But maybe mahiru's memories were faked like misono's were with the night kiriko died and mahiru wasn't actually there when akira got killed#Trying to kill tooru after he had to reveal his ties to c3 before he could explain to mahiru what's special about him#Would also fit with tsubaki#tsubaki would also have a motive not to taunt mahiru with it so nobody tries to look into it and finds out what killing her would achieve#If mahiru is needed for the ritual it's probably even better that mahiru and kuro found a way to get rid of the distance limit#because the enemies probably planned with the distance limit in mind meaning mahiru not needing to be there when kuro tries to stop tsubaki#Might be unexpected to them and throw a wrench in their plans
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not to be true crime posting on main but i think i'm falling down the wm3 rabbit hole again
#xenia.txt#when i tell you this case keeps me up at night to this day#not even the murders themselves as much as the general public's reception to and opinions on the case 3 decades later like#i get why it;s always been so divisive especially after the pl docus came out (lots of opinions on those btw none of them are good#from the bottom of my heart fuck you joe berlinger and bruce sinofsky)#but it's truly baffling how no one is willing to do the research on what is arguably THE most well documented true crime case in recent#history like. everything that's ever been released to the general public is available online and i mean everything#you can find all the court files trial transcripts depositions interogation tapes aerial photos you name it it's out there for anyone with#internet connection to access at any and all hours of the day#and yet people are still foaming at the mouth fighting on reddit abt their innocence based off nothing but a couple of movies like#bffr with me right now!! almost every point the innocenters make can be easily debunked by scrolling through callahan for 15 minutes#'but they've been pushing for dna testing since their release so they can't be guilty' baby the case is closed!#it's been closed the second they took the plea. they can be striking under that courthouse and it still won't change a thing and they knowi#that's why they're pushing for it in the first place but that's just my opinion#^ and i say they but it's really only echols which makes a lot of sense to me personally#and if you want to talk abt dna testing let's talk abt the one that was done in 2011 and how the defense hurried to propose the plea as soo#as they got the results! let's talk abt those cause no one's ever seen them and i would very much like to#braga share the results the people want to know!!#makes me wonder which pieces of evidence they even submitted for that 2011 testing because if i'm remembering correctly#there was one that would've closed this case instantly and maybe that's why the results were never disclosed and the plea was rushed#but that's also just my opinion#and it's also interesting how the majority of people who have in fact deep dived into this case#(and i'm not talking abt big true crime youtubers as i'm very sceptical abt their research abilities)#all collectively lean towards guilty. much to think about#i was hoping someone would make another ~actually~ unbiased documentary for the 30th anniversary and go over all the case files#but i don't think that's even realistic at this point seeing as everyone and their mother has some sort of an opinion on this case#hbo deserves another lawsuit for this. they should've never won the first one in the first place#true crime tw
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Imagine Egg A1 still has one life left, and it somehow manages to escape the facility... It is being followed by mobs, by Federation employees, being hurt by the poison ivy and other environmental threats, but it keeps running, because what other choice is there? That parkour course was a trick after all, the last block was a fake, it was never meant to pass that test in the first place.
So it keeps running, but the Federation workers are getting closer. It won't be able to avoid them forever...
But then it bursts through some bushes and comes face to face with someone new - and it's Bad, out building or exploring or just wandering alone. A1 is immediately afraid, of course. It is a stranger, a very visually striking stranger, the complete opposite of the pure white and featureless employees of the Federation. But there are people close behind, and it knows what will happen to it if it is caught, so... It has no choice but to try. It has no way to communicate, no signs or books, so it simply rushes to hide behind him and hopes he understands, and that he is willing to help...
And Bad, for his part, well.. he's an extremely cautious and paranoid person, and this is just an incredibly confusing and unexpected situation to be in. An unknown egg appeared out of nowhere and is hiding behind him, he can see Federation employees in the distance that are clearly looking for something... He knows that the code has been disguising itself as eggs, and that the strange egg in front of him with no marks, no distinguishing features, an egg that he has never seen before, could easily be the code monster preparing to attack at any moment...
But there is absolutely no way Bad could ever look at an egg in distress and not try to help it, even knowing it could be a trap.
So he quickly digs a shallow hole and pushes the mysterious egg into it, covering it up just in time, and when the employees throw him a book asking if he had seen anything, he lies effortlessly, he complains about nonsense, he asks them where the Ekea is and is as annoying as he can be, until they leave.
And now they're alone... just Bad an this mystery egg in the middle of the woods, A1 too afraid to leave the hole even when Bad tries to coax it out. He gives it food and tries his best to comfort it, to tell it everything is okay and that the pursuers are gone. He gives it some signs and a book, trying to see if it will write anything to him or answer any of his questions, but he gets no reply. A1 is just too afraid to even attempt to answer, and Bad doesn't even know if it understands him. He tries what few words he does know of the other languages, and still no response.
What should he do? As much as the image of a tiny, terrified egg makes him want to do all he can for it he also needs to be safe. He can't bring it home, because if it is a code there is no way he is bringing it anywhere near Dapper. Should he call someone else for help, or would that draw too much attention? Would it even be safe for him or the egg to let anyone know right now? And was this egg dangerous, or harmless and in need of protection? He wouldn't abandon it regardless but...
What now?
#Egg A1#badboyhalo#I am a Bad watcher it will always be qBad in my what ifs even if anyone could do it#Plus he is perfect for the job#I can't write fic but yes this is basically an A1 fic oops#ElQuackity you thought killing a featureless egg was a safe option but you're wrong we are all attached#I want A1 to be alive and to escape to be adored and protected#Also I bet if Bad got caught with a mystery egg I think he'd just go 'Huh? No this is my other child you just never saw them before :)'#Also for some reason my brain was calling A1 'Alice' but then I saw people using 'Ai' and that's adorable too~#Though it also makes me think 'artificial intelligence' but hey maybe that is fitting for the fabricated eggs theory XD#'What now' I ask as if I am not already imagining Bad trying to protect A1 and also be safe in case it is a threat#not wanting to think it is but unable to know otherwise#but also being so BBH about it and just being in complete dad mode when they interact#he keeps it in it's own safe little secure home and does what he can to help it with minimal communication for several days#until A1 starts to open up little by little - incredibly slowly#Bad very gradually telling very select people about it#until eventually when the Federation finds out - everyone who knows is immediately hmm what no this is our child what do you mean?#and go ultra protective#because A1 deserves the world#fic within the tags yes#Bad ruined my sleep schedule and I can't sleep mindless rambles time
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Lonely
Aaron Hotchner x Gn!Reader
Summary: Just a little hurt/comfort fic. It's one of those days where nothing feels okay, but to your surprise, your boss Aaron Hotchner is there to comfort you.
Soft!Hotch my beloved <333
TW: The reader talks about struggling with their mental health.
Words: 1.1 k
It was only you who was left at the office. You thought that occupying your mind with some boring paperwork would help you distract yourself from the painful feeling on your chest. It was one of those days where something as simple as a smile was impossible to fake. It was one of those days where a headache was creeping up by you forcing your tears not to spill all day.
If someone were to ask you why you were feeling that way, you would have an extremely hard time to explain. You couldn’t even explain it to yourself. You were just feeling sad. And feeling sad made you feel lonely.
The noise of a door closing made you drop your pen and turn your head to that direction. Yes, everyone else had left, but the word ‘everyone’ did not include your boss. Ever. At least for you.
“Y/N, what are you still doing here? It’s almost eleven,” he asked, approaching your desk. Looking up at him you immediately recognized concern in his expression.
“I thought I could just finish this all up tonight. You know, so I don’t have it on my mind all week.” You tried to sound casual, but you were pretty certain he was already not buying it.
“I don’t want you to overwork yourself. Especially for something as meaningless as paperwork. You already go through enough when we have a case.”
You sighed, figuring there was no reason to fight him on this. If you agreed he would just drop it. “You’re right.”
You started collecting your things to put them in your bag, expecting Aaron to wish you goodnight and leave. Instead you felt him staring at you in silence.
Bringing your bag to your lap, after securing all your personal things in it, you turned to the side ready to get up. You hadn’t realized that he had moved closer though - to the point where if you stood up, your face would bump into his chest. That’s why you decided to stay seated.
You looked up at him and took a deep breath, trying to calm your heartbeat that was going crazy, because he was completely towering over you.
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“Is everything okay?” There it was again. That same expression of concern. You hated the way he could see right through you. Aaron was known for being able to read people – he was good at his job and you admired him for it – but it was never fun to be on the receiving end of his talent. It made you feel bare and vulnerable.
“Yes, everything’s good.”
He slowly squatted down so he could be at the same level as you. Your height difference hadn’t allowed your faces to be this close to each other before. Looking into his eyes from this new angle felt different.
“Listen,” he started. “I can understand why I would not be the first person you’d choose to talk to about a personal issue. I know I’m much older than you and might act a little like a drill sergeant sometimes, but I’m always here if you need to talk. I would love to help. About whatever it is that’s bothering you.”
You smiled sadly at him because, deep down, if you could choose one person in the world to open your heart to it would be him. But how could you randomly start talking about your feelings to your boss of all people? How does one get the chance to do so?
Except now you had the perfect chance. He was offering it to you.
“I don’t think I’m gonna make any sense, Hotch,” you answered; your voice small and ready to break.
“You don’t have to. This isn’t an exam, you know. You can just tell me how you feel. No need to explain.”
Tears started to blur your vision at his words. Your feelings for him got a hundred times more intense than they were before.
“I’m lonely,” you broke, crying properly now. “I’m so lonely.”
His hand reached out to take yours and his thumb started to move in a soothing motion. It helped.
“And I’m not saying I’m alone,” you continued. “I have my family, my friends, our team... I know I have people in my life who care for me, I really do. And I recognize how ungrateful I sound for saying that it’s not enough. But it’s not. I’m still lonely. And I’m still sad. And I don’t know why.”
“Sweetheart…” he whispered, his free hand cupping your cheek so he could wipe away the tears.
“I’m so tired of thinking I’m okay and then feeling awful again. It never ends,” you sobbed, leaning into his touch without really thinking about it. “I just feel so helpless when it gets bad. Like nothing can help.”
As soon as you finished your sentence he pulled you into his arms. The fingers of his one hand got lost between your hair, while his other hand was rubbing circles on your back. “Maybe this can help,” he said, kissing the top of your head.
You completely melted in his embrace. Your sobs got louder and your body was shaking, but it felt like release.
“Hotch,” you cried, “I just wanna be okay.”
“You will be, I promise.”
You pushed away, just enough so you could look at his face again. His eyes were red and your heart clenched at the thought of him caring for you enough to be this moved by your sadness.
His palms were cupping your cheeks again and his handsome smile made its appearance, looking sweeter than ever.
“Thank you,” you smiled back. It was through tears, but it was the only genuine smile you had given anyone all day.
“Of course,” he replied, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. “And now…” He dragged out the sentence, while standing up.
You missed his touch already. You didn’t want him to leave you alone. But you prepared yourself for his next words. He probably had to get home to Jack, you thought.
“How about we go get some ice cream?” he asked instead.
Your eyes lit up like a kid which made him laugh.
“I know a place that’s open all night. Let me drive us there,” he said offering his hand, and you took it without a second thought.
“I’d love that.”
You started walking towards the elevator, holding hands.
“Nothing like some ice cream after a good cry, right?” he joked and you giggled.
His hand dropped yours, only for his arm to wrap itself around your neck, pulling you close to his chest.
Maybe you could learn to love the way Aaron could see right through you. It made you feel cared for and understood.
#aaron hotchner#hotch#criminal minds#aaron hotchner x reader#hotch x reader#criminal minds fic#hiding in the tags so i can be insane here hehe#not me writing this when i should be studying 💀#but i'm so sad today lmao#for what? that's a secret my brain will never tell#i just feel really lonely and sad and thought i could use my sweet man for comfort#and thought i'd share in case anyone needs some comfort too#maybe it's because i'm on my period 😔#anyway if anyone's reading this i hope you enjoyed the fic#it's provided by my mental illness <3#hotch 🪐
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wip wednesday: almost done :)
#my opinions of what constitutes ‘realism’ in my top gun fanfic is determined by my weekly mood.#this week because of world events i am feeling depressed and cynical.#therefore though i have previously said ice did not consider the leverage he had over mav during their relationship#bc i am feeling cynical this is no longer the case.#1. who’s on top? who stands to gain? who wears the pants? who cuts the deals?#see ‘if he tells anyone it’ll make him look just as bad’ from the slider one shot#2. southeastern california is unimaginably bleak but they do get good sunrises out there in the boonies#3. mav turns 50. this inspires some philosophizing by the other geezers at his bday party.#4. tom kazansky gains a friend.#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun fanfiction#ron slider kerner#bernie hondo coleman#carole bradshaw#i have one more wip Wednesday i think. too busy to post these on Saturday. But maybe next Saturday or after that???#mostly this week i was just cutting and rearranging. cut like 7k.#i seem to be catching some flack for my continued repetition that Maverick’s not a great guy.#need i remind you that him being a heartbreaker is literally canon. like he canonically broke the heart of his main endgame love interest.#to the extent that her TEENAGED DAUGHTER very seriously instructs him not to break her heart again#after she catches him unseriously fucking around with her mom again#like he has inflicted generational trauma lol#not a great guy!
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Okay lol let’s get some fluffy day6 thoughts going because for the 25th valentine’s day in a row I am single :D quarter of a century strong let’s go
Going in age reverse order because I love park sungjin too much to put him first. Best for last baby
Dowoon turns into Clifford the big red dog when you present him with your valentine’s confession treat of choice. Blushing incoherent mess like there are words coming out of his mouth but he’s so happy they’re unintelligible. He asks “this is really for me?” (there is no one else around) and all you hear after that is his excited giggles and that Busan satoori bobbing up and down, and you’re pretty sure he’s telling you he’s liked you for a long time and he can’t believe this is real life, but then out of nowhere he has your gift in one hand and your hand in the other, barely meeting your eyes, and he’s asking you in the sincerest deepest shiest voice possible if that means this is day one
Wonpil takes a minute to form his response but while he does it he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, hiding his smile behind his hands, finding it hard to even look at you because you just look so dang cute. He finally breaks his silence to tell you exactly that with a grin so wide his cheeks are hurting and he’s afraid his face will freeze like that. He asks if he can hug you and it’s impossible to tell him no and then he holds you so tight you can hardly breathe but he’s just so excited to find out that his crush isn’t one sided that he can’t hold back his affection
Younghyun is floored. He doesn’t even realize he’s coming off as if he doesn’t like you and doesn’t know how to say it—he’s genuinely just surprised because how could he, a master of love songs, not have seen this coming? He meets your eyes, his mouth still hanging open as you awkwardly let your arms drop from offering him your gift, and as he sees you become flustered, he realizes that you think he’s rejecting you. So he stops you by grabbing your hands and asks if you mean it, this isn’t a prank? And the way his smile lights up his entire countenance makes up for his awkward initial reaction
Park Sungjin this silly man. He thinks you’re being friendly. Because he’s just a guy like how could he be the object of your affections? Even when you explain to him that no, you mean it, you like him, you would like to date him, even, he has to sit down for a moment and just say “oh wow!” because he’s not quite used to being Perceived like that. He likes going through life and making connections with people and more than once he’s thought he might like to experience life by your side, and now that the idea of holding your hand could become a reality, well, it’s just a little strange to him. He needs a little more time to think, but it’s not because he’s not sure his answer won’t be yes. He knows it’s yes already, and from the way he looks at you when he tells you this, you know it is too
#day6#day6 x reader#sungjin#sungjin x reader#young k#young k x reader#wonpil#wonpil x reader#dowoon#dowoon x reader#a little jae down here in case anyone feels like he should still be included?#(I don’t follow him anymore but I loved him very much when he was still part of day6#and as far as I’ve heard he hasn’t said anything unsavory about the boys so I’m still cool with him mostly)#and if this isn’t how eaJ is these days this is how I felt like Day6 Jae presented himself back then#Jae is the chillest of them all. he just smiles and maybe runs his hand through his hair a little bit because he’s a little flustered#and he tells you that yes he’d really like to go out with you#he offers to share his treats with you too
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the current (and consistent) mood is “my presence is unnecessary and contributes nothing”
#deity dialogue#so like on that note I just don’t know what to do#I feel like I need to be realistic about my place in peoples lives and just idk stop assuming people care#*shrug emoji* like I’m tired of being hurt by stupid shit that doesn’t matter#I just don’t feel like it matters whether or not I exist in anyone’s life or in general#I keep trying to tell myself that isn’t true or tell myself that it’s okay but nothing works#sometimes I do genuinely think maybe people do care and want me in their lives#then I realize I’m just bothering them and not like worth their time and it stings because I genuinely want to be wnated by people#anyways my head still hurts and i have a bday dinner to attend tomorrow so once again I’m taking sleep medicine#getting my fave depression snack tomorrow: tiramisu#perhaps I can opt out of dinner and get TWO tiramisu#but probably not I should probably eat actual food lest my irls get on my case about not eating
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I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.
Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.
#as radio 1 used to say: you only get one life- love it#i try and tell myself that when i get bogged down in the 'my misery is activism somehow' thinking#that so many people on here reinforce#i feel the 'pride is a protest' conversation constantly turns into this#because while pride's origin is in protest on the anniversary of the stonewall riot#most prides now are parties with a march and some information stalls#and...that's fine! If people have fun at it!#not everyone finds pride fun obvs its usually boiling very overwhelming and loud#ive had some shit times at pride but had a blast at my last one#it was post coming out as trans and I'd just started drinking more regularly#after abstaining for my meds for so long#i went alone had some drinks and a dance and went home#loved it best day ever#anyway the idea that in order to do activism you have to constantly disrupt#bring your 'queer liberation not rainbow capitalism' sign#i dunno...i dont think anyone really likes rainbow capitalism but the sponsers keep entry free#thats the case at my main one anyway#i struggle because i only just started having fun a bit more and enjoying things#i hate being hit with the message of 'actually this fun time is wrong '#even in the most subtle ways- but maybe im oversensitive#i will say that if misery is activism ive more than paid my dues#why do they think people wanted to get into stonewall inn anyway???#eta- i know not all prides are free and the ones that aren't still have corporate sponsors#i just don't feel it ruins pride personally#it's mildly annoying and that's all#eta: i put activism instead of capitalism in the slogan in the tags for some reason
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Realizing the adultification and demonization of Duke and Damian is just. Not gonna stop. El oh el
#demonization more in Damian’s case#and not in the characters can’t do bad things kinda way#but in a writers and readers are so racist they’ll never even acknowledge that they don’t grant him the same grace they do anyone else#especially their white faves in comparison#and with the way they keep tryna spin Ra’s and Talia as being like. perfect parents maybe slightly absent or evil back then but family ppl#at heart it’s just gonna be more excuses to demonize a brown child bc now the very basis of his previous attitude will be gone#i mean for some of you it was never existed or acknowledged but there’s a certain bitterness I’m feeling when y’all can point to a panel#written by someone who’s only read WFA for background and say ‘see its canon that he’s just a murderous asshole for no reason!’#same mfs who can’t tell me three bad things Tim’s done that they don’t fw bc either they’ve never read it or they justify it in their minds#and for Duke it’s like. just removing every aspect of his character bc god forbid u pay attention to a black child who’s not an easy stereo#that’s the difference Damian’s early appearance was very easy for a lot of y’all to stereotype even and at times especially Talia Stans#for Duke u can’t call him ghetto and u can’t call him one of the good ones bc there’s no ‘bad’ ones as a comparison point so he’s just a guy#he’s a good bro :) he’s there :) u don’t know enough about him to speak :)#and honestly if they keep going down the Al Ghuls are perfect route they might shoehorn Damian near that position too#that’d make it three for three when you involve cass. wow the poc of the family being reduced to no character besides propping up the yt#cast. maybe if we go that route and it happens to all three of them some of y’all will make a ‘fandom has a problem 🥺’ post and dip#like always el oh el so exhausted#batfandom racism#tim drake#jason Todd#dick grayson#bruce wayne#Lemme be a bitch today#Duke cass and Damian Stan’s I won’t clog ur dash with this#actually some of u cass Stan’s are….#I’ll just say it a lot of you are racist as fuck and can’t say shit about cass besides she fights good and deserves the world#batfam#wfa#anti wfa
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I WANT TO WRITE THE REACTION TO SUDDEN AND EXTREME PAIN (in this case, a leg breaking) ACCURATELY— BUT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK THE INTERNET REFUSES TO TELL ME IF IT AFFECTS YOUR VISION EVEN FOR A SECOND WHEN YOU BREAK A BONE
#if anyone knows please tell me#maybe I’m dumb#and taking ‘blinded by pain’ too literally#BUT I NEED TO KNOW IF THAT’S ACTUALLY THE CASE#sigh#whump#whumper problems#medical accuracy#my posts
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Anyways positive stuff. Kinda obsessed w the coffin of andy and leyley and oh I will not go into that tag again. I couldn't care less if you ship em I find it more funny how so many really think people purely ship toxic ships bc they think it's healthy. These people love to forget nuance is a thing that exists just to feel moral superior. Andy and leyley's relationship is toxic as fuck I don't think anyone interested in the game doesn't know that. Also while yes most ship em romantic does ship not equal romantic. Had to learn that one myself from more older fandom veterans.
Anyhow I am obsessed w ashley in a potential kin kinda way since part 1 (maybe she also just reminds me of how possessive I got. minus the uh murder. also other toxic manners I hopefully left mostly in the past. never said I was pure.) and had to make a new twt icon a bit ago and this one took way more hours than I would like to admit. Got the sprites from a discord. (Also in other news finally changed my twt @ so it's the same as everywhere else. didn't do it prior bc I feared random suspension but tested on another which showed it was fine to do). Also kinda reminds me of my oc zoe w her murder lust and smugness which also just adds to me liking her. Obsessed w the artstyle too I love it sm.
Primarily took so long bc no idea for bg and then I wanted it to match that header (same on my horror sideblog bc I love it sm) and searched pexels too long and then I wanted the shade to match the header one (kinda gave up it was almost 6am when I finished). Also since how I changed the sprite made some lines purple did I change that. I just slapped the blood on a black background to test what pic I could use as header (testing layout fits on ibispaint before I actually update them) and almost wanted to just use that. Ig if anyone wants it.
I want to make her my icon on here so badly too but I worked hard on the current halloween one,,,
At least got her on whatsapp too but w a different sprite and bg. Maybe discord once halloween is over I just need to come up w a layout and a fitting "_ rose" display name.
#a wild lux appears#If anyone in the fandom sees this and wants an icon hi tell specifics my blacklist for that is almost non-existent#tw blood#Don't think I ever tagged it but in case it lands in search even tho I didn't tag anything#But alas words in posts are enough. Nightmare search.#Use the ones in this post if ya want idc. Credit would be neat.#Nonetheless won't tag the fandom. Maybe if I ever make a icon set since there really isn't much content
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