#even in the most subtle ways- but maybe im oversensitive
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I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.
Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.
#as radio 1 used to say: you only get one life- love it#i try and tell myself that when i get bogged down in the 'my misery is activism somehow' thinking#that so many people on here reinforce#i feel the 'pride is a protest' conversation constantly turns into this#because while pride's origin is in protest on the anniversary of the stonewall riot#most prides now are parties with a march and some information stalls#and...that's fine! If people have fun at it!#not everyone finds pride fun obvs its usually boiling very overwhelming and loud#ive had some shit times at pride but had a blast at my last one#it was post coming out as trans and I'd just started drinking more regularly#after abstaining for my meds for so long#i went alone had some drinks and a dance and went home#loved it best day ever#anyway the idea that in order to do activism you have to constantly disrupt#bring your 'queer liberation not rainbow capitalism' sign#i dunno...i dont think anyone really likes rainbow capitalism but the sponsers keep entry free#thats the case at my main one anyway#i struggle because i only just started having fun a bit more and enjoying things#i hate being hit with the message of 'actually this fun time is wrong '#even in the most subtle ways- but maybe im oversensitive#i will say that if misery is activism ive more than paid my dues#why do they think people wanted to get into stonewall inn anyway???#eta- i know not all prides are free and the ones that aren't still have corporate sponsors#i just don't feel it ruins pride personally#it's mildly annoying and that's all#eta: i put activism instead of capitalism in the slogan in the tags for some reason
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you taste so good (just like candy on my lips) - chen (18+)
Contains: oral (both ways), embarrassing excessive dirty talk, pretty vanilla tbh (haha...ha. you’ll get it)
a lil over 1k words
* this is unbeta’d
You laugh breathlessly as he litters kisses all over your neck and collarbones. “I can’t believe this is turning you on.”
Jongdae sits back with a slight pout, the childish feature almost jarring against the sinful way he’s looking at you. “You can’t expect me to just not want you when you smell like a dessert..”
You don’t notice that anything is particularly off at first.
You slide into bed next to Jongdae, already feeling the tendrils of sleep threatening to overtake you. Your boyfriend looks like he’s about to drift off as well, so you lean over to turn the light off when...
“What’s that smell?”
You pause, turning your head to look at Jongdae, who is now very decidedly awake. His lips are parted ever so slightly and his eyebrows are furrowed minutely. If this were a cartoon, there would be question marks over his head.
“I don’t smell anything,” you reply, thinking along the lines of a gas leak or something burning, but then you notice that Jongdae doesn’t seem alarmed or disgusted at all. He looks... curious. Intrigued maybe.
“It smells really good,” he comments almost absentmindedly. Before you can reply, his hand is shooting out from under the covers to grab your wrist and then he’s holding your arm in front of his nose.
“It is you.” Jongdae looks up at you, a slight adoring smile on his face. “New body wash?”
“No, actually,” you say. “My friend made me a sugar scrub for Christmas and I forgot about it until now. I decided to use it.”
“A sugar scrub?” Jongdae asks. He hasn’t loosened his grip on your wrist in the slightest, seemingly content to just hold it there in front of his face. “So you basically just... rubbed sugar onto yourself?”
“Mhm,” you reply. “She scented it with vanilla and cinnamon though, so that’s mostly what you’re smelling.”
“Where did you...” Jongdae begins to falter, and this is the moment that you notice it, that something’s amiss. You see it in the way his tongue darts out to wet his lips, the subtle shifting of his body, the slow darkening of his gaze. It’s not exactly adoring anymore, no, it’s hungry. “Where did you put it exactly?”
“Every...where... Jongdae?” The last word comes out as a squeak because Jongdae is rolling over, shifting so that he’s hovering over you, his face buried in your neck. He licks a long, wet strip up your neck, forcing a whimper out of you.
“You smell so fucking good,” he whispers, his voice already sounding husky. “I’m gonna eat you up.”
You laugh breathlessly as he litters kisses all over your neck and collarbones. “I can’t believe this is turning you on.”
Jongdae sits back with a slight pout, the childish feature almost jarring against the sinful way he’s looking at you. “You can’t expect me to just not want you when you smell like a dessert.”
Your comeback gets swallowed when he abruptly pulls the sheets back and tugs your panties down your legs, leaving you in nothing but one of Jongdae’s old shirts that you use as pajamas. He spreads your legs and visibly swallows at the sight of your pussy. “So fucking good,” he whispers, mostly to himself than anything, as he lowers onto his elbows in front of you. “So gorgeous, god, I’m gonna taste you.”
“What are you waiting for, then?” you ask, meaning for it to come out snarky but it sounds more like a plea.
Either way, Jongdae hears it, and he hooks his hands around your thighs to pull you toward his waiting mouth. His lips immediately latch onto your clit and suck hard.
Your back bows off the bed and Jongdae retreats, his tongue licking lightly at the sensitive nerves, before running it up and down your entrance a couple of times. The entire time he keeps eye contact with you, his pupils blown with lust, expression so fucking sinful it nearly makes your eyes roll back into your head.
He resumes his assault on your clit when you run your fingers through his hair, earning a yelp from you and a sharp tug to the dark strands. Jongdae moans like he’s the one getting off on this, like he’s the one close to cumming by having his mouth on you. He inserts two fingers inside of you, thrusting in time with his licks.
The area between your legs is so wet and Jongdae’s tongue is so hot, so it’s no surprise when you’re already close to the edge. Your thighs start to tremble, your moans leaving your mouth at higher pitches, when Jongdae retreats entirely, leaning up on his elbows.
“Jongdae, no, please - “
“You taste so good,” Jongdae says. His mouth, his chin, even a bit of his nose are totally wet, dripping with your arousal. He runs his thumb across his own chin to gather some of it up and sucks it into his mouth. You’re fully aware that he’s just doing this to be a little tease, but you’re so far gone that you can’t reprimand him for it. “I like vanilla and cinnamon, but nothing compares to you. I can’t get enough.”
“C’mon, Jongdae, I was so close,” you whine.
“Oh were you now?” Jongdae grins, and you want to smack him but you want to cum more, so you keep your mouth shut. “It sounds like you’re gonna have to beg for it.”
The response is immediate, almost Pavlovian. “Please, Jongdae, let me cum, just put your fucking tongue on me please.”
Jongdae leans down and trails kisses up your thigh. “Since you asked so nicely,” he says, before inserting three fingers into you and wrapping his lips around your clit for one last devastating suck.
You sob as your body trembles, releasing against Jongdae’s tongue. He stays there, lapping up everything you have until you’re whining and shaking with oversensitivity.
Your body relaxes and your eyes almost flutter shut when you feel Jongdae’s lips against yours. You can taste yourself in the kiss and it’s filthy but you feel a stray spike of arousal in you.
“Help me out?” he whispers. “Please, I - I really need to cum.”
You prop a pillow up behind you and tilt your head back, opening your mouth for him. Once you feel the weight of Jongdae’s cock on your tongue, you hollow your cheeks and look up at him, catching his gaze.
Jongdae mutters a curse and begins to fuck your face gently, both hands on your jaw. You do your best to swirl your tongue along the underside of his cock the way he likes, but for the most part you just lie there and take it, too spent to do much else. Your noises come out muffled with your mouth stuffed full like that, and Jongdae groans at the vibrations. You like this too; as much as you like Jongdae taking his time to make you feel good, you like having him use you for his own pleasure. It sends heady arousal straight to your core.
“Fuck, I’m -” is the only warning you get before he’s shooting his load into your mouth. You catch most of it on your tongue and swallow, never losing eye contact with him.
Jongdae collapses next to you, looking just as spent as you. He absently wipes away a stray drop of cum from your chin.
“Please use that scrub every day. And tell your friend thank you.”
You laugh and pull him closer, off to sleep in mere moments.
--
im sorry
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