#Or it goes hm I wanna see how it goes playing an origin character through the first two chapters to this point! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jungshookz · 3 years

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maybe, she can drive his car; mechanic!yoongi

➺ pairing; mechanic!yoongi x spoiledbrat!y/n

➺ genre; mechanic!yoongiverse!! sfw!! honk honk humour!! some suggestive behaviour because this is mechanic!yoongi and his y/n we're talking about!! the green-eyed monster inside of y/n is awoken after being dormant for so long and she's ready to bite some heads off

➺ wordcount; 11.6k

➺ summary; yoongi's ex is back in town for a visit and you'd be lying if you said you weren't slightly envious of a) how knowledgeable she is about stupid cars and b) how well she gets along with literally everyone.

➺ what to expect; "right, about that- i know i was supposed to come over for dinner tonight but- listen, i don't know what lisa did but obviously she's got a lot of connections now and the shop has literally never been this busy before... you understand, don't you?"

➺ currently spinning on the record player; mustang sally (originally by wilson pickett, covered by andrew strong)

(unfortunately i wasn’t able to track down the original maker of this gif but this is where i sourced it from! all credits go to the original creator of course :-))

»»————- 🛠️ ————-««

namjoon usually doesn't pay too much attention to you whenever you're hanging out at the workshop with everyone because of how often you're here, but there's something about the way you're acting today that even he has to admit is oddly very...

cute?

and it's not that you're not cute all the time (because you totally are!!) but it's just that the version of you today in particular is suddenly making him want to go off and find a y/n of his own

"whatcha doing?"

namjoon jolts in surprise when a grimy hand suddenly burrows itself into the warm bag of freshly-popped popcorn that he has cradled to his chest and he scowls before turning his body away slightly

"hey, you're contaminating the popcorn, man-" he huffs, quickly grabbing the mega-sized pack of hand wipes from the desk before plopping it down on the countertop for jungkook, "at least have the decency to wipe your hands before digging into my popcorn- also, i'm watching. duh."

"watching?" jungkook frowns as he sloppily wipes his hands on the front of his shirt, turning to look out the open door, "watching what?"

"yoongi and y/n." namjoon hums, popping a couple of kernels into his mouth with a crunch, "she's been following him around like a little duckling all day."

"mm." jungkook props an elbow up on the counter as he looks towards the two of you before clicking his tongue, "...he must've really given it to her good last night if she's acting like that-"

"okay, now you've ruined the moment-" namjoon frowns, his shoulders dropping slightly before he gestures to you guys, "it's sweet! this is obviously a wholesome thing-"

"call it what you want, but all i'm trying to say is that good sex makes you do crazy things-" jungkook snorts before aggressively shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth, "cravy phings."

"i'd like to argue that good sex forms a strong emotional bond which explains why there are cartoon hearts currently floating around y/n's head-" namjoon perks up when he notices the way your eyes light up at something yoongi says, "look at her! look at the way she's looking at him!"

"oh, please." jungkook tuts, "that dopey look on her face is telling me that the only thing on her mind is yoongi bending her over the hood of that car and just ramming-"

"namjoon and jungkook are arguing again." you point out, turning to look towards the office just in time to see namjoon throw a handful of popcorn at jungkook only for him to open his mouth and chomp wildly at the air to get some into his mouth

"jungkook probably said something stupid, as per usual." yoongi snorts, leaning over to lock the hood of the car into place before pulling away and taking a look at the situation, "now, let's see what we have going on here..."

when namjoon told him that this was a brake master cylinder repair he immediately felt all the excitement leave his body

he hates doing brake master cylinder repairs

all the parts are so small and the handiwork is super tedious anD the last time he did one of these he took like four hours to get it done

overall it's a pretty boring repair job and as much as he wants to pass it off to one of the others to do, he knows that he's the most skilled with the internal mechanics of a car compared to everyone else which he usually likes to brag about but today he wishes that that wasn't the case

"so what do you have to do?" you frown, stepping over so that you're standing by the side of the car and you're not in yoongi's way, "all the thingies look fine to me."

"well, i actually need to replace the brake master cylinder thingy." yoongi teases, smiling lightly as he points at some kind of container, "there's a leak in the seals, which is pretty common since they wear out after a few years. it should be an easy fix! it'll just take a while, that's all."

luckily, taehyung already took care of the messy part and emptied the fluid from the reservoir for him so now it's time to start the actual repair process

"so does beeper have one of these cylinders in him?" you ask, tilting your head in curiosity

you've never actually taken a look at beeper's under the hood situation before so you wouldn't know

(it feels like he's all naked and exposed whenever yoongi lifts his hood up and you just want to give beeper some privacy, that's all.)

"if beeper didn't have one of these cylinders in him, you wouldn't be able to brake, silly." yoongi snorts, reaching down to unclip the sensor from the reservoir, "see, when you push down on the brake, it pushes a piston through the cylinder and forces hydraulic fluid through the brake lines, which goes to the slave cylinders of each wheel, and then-" he pauses when he notices you've gone all quiet and he turns to see you staring directly at him with a dopey little smile on your face "-what? what'd i say?"

"i like it when you talk shop to me." you giggle quietly, "i mean, i don't understand 98% of the words that come out of your mouth when you do, but i still like it a lot-"

"yeah?" yoongi teases, taking a hand off the edge of the car so he can gesture for you to come closer (and you do, obviously), "you like it when i talk to you about... hm, i don't know..." he feigns cluelessness as he stands up to slink an arm around your waist and bring you towards him while your arms automatically hang loosely around his neck, "how the rubbing of the brake pad against the brake disc generates friction..." he lowers his voice as he sits lightly on the edge of the car and gives your hips a squeeze

"mm, tell me more..." you play along, letting yoongi pull you closer so that you're settled nicely in between his legs

"i don't know, maybe i should save all the good stuff for the bedroom..."

you resist the urge to immediately start whining when you lean in only for yoongi to dodge your kiss, "hey, i like you in these baggy overalls, by the way." he suddenly changes the subject and you feel your cheeks flush when both his hands slide in through the gaps until he's able to grip your bum, "big, big fan of them-"

"you- namjoon and jungkook are right there-" you gawk, "at least have the decency to turn me around so they don't see you fully groping me-"

"they can always just close their eyes or something-"

"okay, you two, break it up-!" you hear namjoon's claps echoing from the office as he tries to get your attention and you immediately turn to look at him with a grin, "god, it's like you sick freaks want to rub it in our faces-"

"okay, i have to get to work so why don't you go and hang out with namjoon in the office?" yoongi stands up, being careful not to hit the top of his head on the hood, "he'll let you play chess on the computer if you ask nicely."

"i thought i was helping you out today!" you frown, grabbing onto his hand before waving it back and forth, "you said i did a good job handing you the tools and stuff. i'm getting better at not mixing all the different types of screwdrivers up!"

yoongi can't help but laugh at how needy you're being and he reaches up with his free hand to adjust his bandana

"i know you wanna help, but i promise you there's nothing exciting about repairing a master cylinder." he hums, reaching up to pinch your cheek playfully, "plus, don't you still have a huge research paper to work on?"

"yeah, but i'd much rather hang out with you..." you pout, yoongi cooing before leaning in to give your pushed-out bottom lip a little kiss

"we can hang out when we're both done with work."

"okay..." you purse your lips before letting go of his hand, "it's your loss. i'm a fantastic helper."

"mhm, you certainly are-" yoongi spins you around before pushing his palm against your lower back to get you to move, "now go and bug namjoon!"

you turn back to glance at yoongi one last time and he sweeps his hands at you to tell you to gO

fine!

it was getting hot in the garage anyway and namjoon always has the aircon blasting in the office

"sorry! only sad, single people are allowed in this area-" namjoon jokes as soon as you step in, gesturing to the office space with a grin, "leave or i'll have security escort you out."

"oh, stop it." you giggle, folding your arms up on the counter and leaning forward, "i keep telling you i'd be more than happy to set you up with one of my friends!!"

"i know, and that's very nice of you to offer, but i just want to find someone organically, you know?" namjoon sighs, leaning back against his chair before looking up at the ceiling wistfully, "being set up with someone doesn't feel like a natural process."

"namjoon thinks he's the main character of a shitty netflix romantic comedy." jungkook mutters, the two of you exchanging low giggles with each other

"well, if no one comes into your life organically you can always let me know and i'll- woah-" you jump in surprise when the sound of a roaring engine suddenly shatters the peaceful atmosphere and you turn around just in time to see a sleek car veering into the shop

you wince and raise a hand to shield your eyes from the bright headlights and you don't get a chance to make the first comment because jungkook beats you to it

(for the record, you were going to talk about how dramatic of an entrance whatever that was)

"oh my god. that is the sexiest car i've ever seen in my entire life." he breathes out, stepping away from the counter so he can stand by the door and get a closer look, "a 1965 mustang. nice."

"fun fact: i was actually thinking about getting a vintage mustang! i wanted an olive green one because i could've named her 'olive' which is super cute-" you nod enthusiastically, looking back and forth between namjoon and jungkook only for them to.,., completely ignore you and continue staring at the glossy mustang sitting out front

"okay, you guys, it's just a car-" you roll your eyes and let out a little snort of disbelief, "this isn't going to change your life or anything-"

a high-heel clad foot steps out of the car and onto the pavement and you immediately recognize the classic red-bottom louboutins

you actually own a pair of them as well but you rarely wear them out because you're always paranoid that you're going to topple over and snap an ankle and that would be completely mortifying

they're six inches tall!!!!

for the record, they look very nice sitting (collecting dust) on your shelf but now you're starting to think that it might be a good idea to wear them out again because this stranger makes it look like walking in them is easy breezy beautiful

"holy shit. is that lisa?" namjoon murmurs, reaching up to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "oh, wow. she..."

"i don't remember her looking like that the last time we saw her." jungkook whistles lowly, "hello, miss manoban."

"lisa- who's lisa?" you frown, tilting your head in curiosity as you watch this mysterious lisa toss her oversized sunglasses into the front seat of the car before slamming the door shut

"uh, she's just one of yoongi's exes- she actually used to work here but-" namjoon reaches over the counter so he can nudge you aside gently to get a better look, "when did she get a vintage mustang?!"

lisa leans down to look at herself in the side mirror, smearing some red lipstick over her pillowy bottom lip before rubbing her lips together and nodding satisfactorily

"guess her car-wrapping business really took off." jungkook hums, his eyes glued to the car

she seems to be moving in slow motion as she takes her hair down and shakes her head back and forth, the three of you tilting your heads at the same time as you watch her in awe

"car-wrapping?" you ask curiously, "she must spend a fortune on wrapping paper and giant bows-"

"no, obviously it's not actual wrapping- like-" jungkook huffs and you resist the urge to bop him over the head at how snappy he's being with you when he already knows you're clueless when it comes to this kind of stuff, "okay, you know how you said that if you ever got a g-wagon for yourself one day that you wanted to make it baby blue just like beeper and also matte? lisa could do that for you."

"oh! in that case, it might be nice to get a business card from her or something-" you make a mental note before shaking your head and turning back around to face namjoon, "hey, so, super casual, can we round back to the whole 'yoongi's ex' thing real quickly because i-"

"yoohoo, boys!" lisa whistles, grinning excitedly when she's suddenly joined by everyone outside one by one, "what, no one thought to roll out the red carpet for me?"

"c'mon, namjoon! let's go say hi to lisa and her vintage 'stang!!" jungkook grins, gesturing for namjoon to hurry before he's darting out the door, "lisa, hey!"

"yeah, okay!!" namjoon gets up from his seat so quickly that he sends his chair rolling back and smacking against the file cabinets, "oh, y/n-! if anyone calls, just send them straight to voicemail-"

"but i-" you don't get a chance to say anything before namjoon's brushing past you and dashing out the door as well

you don't know too much about lisa but obviously she's a pretty big deal around here

it'd probably be good for you to go and introduce yourself instead of awkwardly hanging out in the office by yourself

"hello, lisa. it's very nice to meet you. firm handshake." you mutter to yourself as you step out of the office and head towards the bustling group of boys, "hey, lisa! so great to meet you. firm handshake. hi, girlie-! nope, don't like that one-"

"-in town for business so i thought it'd be nice to swing by and visit my boys." you manage to catch the end of lisa's sentences as you join the boys, trying not to make any sudden movements to catch her attention

"you should've texted one of us or something!" namjoon pulls his phone out of his back pocket, "we could've ordered a pizza for lunch-"

you reach over to give the back of yoongi's jumpsuit a little tug just to get his attention and he glances over his shoulder at you before offering you a teasing smile and reaching back to wiggle his fingers against your stomach

you giggle lightly before swatting his hand away and he turns back to look at lisa

"well, i wanted to surprise you guys!" lisa chirps, tucking her clutch underneath her armpit before clapping her hands together, "i see nothing's changed around here... except for..." you feel your heart drop when she suddenly leans over and looks directly at you, "hello! i don't think we've ever met."

"oh, shoot- sorry, i should've introduced you sooner-" yoongi steps aside so that he isn't blocking you, "lisa, this is y/n! y/n, this is lisa." he smiles, gesturing towards lisa, "my girlfriend." he pauses and quickly shakes his head at his little flub-up, "i mean- lisa, this is y/n, my girlfriend-"

"he's definitely gonna pay for that later." jimin mutters, jungkook snickering before nudging at his side to get him to shut up

"it's super nice to meet you, y/n!" lisa doesn't acknowledge yoongi's error and she steps forward to get closer to you

she's practically towering over you but it's really just because of the stilettos

she turns her head to look at the boys and a second of silence goes by before they realize what she's asking of them and they all scatter in different directions

you give yoongi a look that basically screams S.O.S. and you resist the urge to burst into tears when he gives you a cheery thumbs up in return and trots off to go and do something else

okay

you'll be fine

you have nothing to be nervous about!

this is just yoongi's very hot ex who looks like a million bucks while you'e currently dressed like a giant toddler

it doesn't help that you're wearing what's commonly known as a 'baby tee' under these overalls

"you- yeah, you too-" you chuckle uneasily, giving her a weak handshake before pulling away with a smile, "i'm sorry, i'm a little underdressed-" you pause to gesture to the grubby overalls you have on, "i promise i look better than this most of the time..."

"oh, don't be silly. i just grabbed the first outfit i saw out of my suitcase and threw it on-" she sighs, reaching up to pick some lint off her blazer that you're pretty sure you saw in the most recent YSL spring catalog (in fact, you're pretty sure it's on your to-buy list), "so, what do you do?"

"me? i- uh, well, nothing, at the moment- i'm still studying for my undergraduate degree, so..." you shrug sheepishly, reaching up to scratch the back of your neck

for some reason you can't seem to maintain eye contact with her for more than three seconds at a time

"oh! you're still in school?"

"yeah, i- well, i'm graduating this year, so i'm almost out of school if you think about it that way- but yes. yes, i... am currently a university student, so that's what i'm doing."

"mm, cute! what are you studying?"

"history! i'm a history major and a marine biology minor." you nod, "so... the cold war and... like, sharks. something like that."

"ah, very cool."

to be honest you're not entirely sure if lisa's being sincere or not but you'll take the compliment either way

you can tell she's trying to scope you out - which is fair, because this is the first time you two are meeting and you're currently involved with someone she used to be involved with

"i'm sorry. i'm probably, like, freaking you out right now, aren't i?" lisa snorts, reaching out and placing her hand on your forearm for a split second, "i promise i'm just genuinely curious and i'm not trying to, like, interrogate you or anything. it's super nice to meet you! and honestly- i love the overalls. the little knee patches are adorable."

"oh, thank you..." you smile nervously, reaching down to glance at the mismatched patches of fabric sewn onto the knees of your overalls, "yoongi actually sewed 'em on for me! i usually wear this whenever i'm here because i'm okay with getting it dirty- i, um, i like your blazer! and your heels. and your purse- a chanel clutch is a classic!"

"ooh, someone has an eye for fashion..." lisa winks, raising her clutch and waving it slightly, "maybe after i'm done talking business with yoongi we can talk about gucci's new multicolour line-"

"oh, i have so many thoughts on gucci's new multicolour line!" you gasp, suddenly reignited with a spurt of energy, "honestly the colour scheme is very stabilo highlighters to me but we can talk about it later- i'll just be hanging out in the office, so you can find me there whenever you're ready-"

"perfect!" lisa gives you a thumbs up before pointing over to where yoongi is, "if you'll excuse me, i have to go and talk about boring things with yoongi-"

"mhm!" you watch with a smile as lisa click-clacks off towards yoongi before you spin around on your heels, giving yourself a mental pat on the back for how well you handled that interaction

lisa's actually nicer than you thought she'd be!

obviously the saying don't judge a book by its cover is very applicable here

"so... what'd you think of lisa?" namjoon joins your side before nudging you gently, "she's nice, right?"

"i like her! she seems really cool." you nod enthusiastically, pausing to glance over your shoulder to look at her from behind, "i need to ask her for tips on walking in those louboutins and how not to fall over."

"you know, i must say i'm pleasantly surprised at how you're handling this." namjoon snorts, holding back for a second to let you into the office first before he steps in behind you, "colour me impressed!"

"thank you!" you reach over to pull the lollipop jar towards you before suddenly pausing and looking back over at namjoon with a frown, "hold on a sec, what's that supposed to mean?"

"hm? oh, it's nothing." namjoon scrunches his nose, dismissing you with a flick of his wrist as he takes his seat behind the counter, "i just know that if i was in your shoes and my significant other's very attractive and very successful ex came back i would be a little antsy about it-" namjoon glances up from the computer and his eyes widen in panic when he notices that your eyes have widened in panic, "i- i mean- not that you're not very attractive and very successful- what i'm trying to say is that you have nothing to worry- you and yoongi seem like a very stable couple so-"

"do you think maybe you could tell me a bit about yoongi and lisa?" you interrupt his spiral and you feel yourself starting to get a little fidgety, "because i- i actually don't know anything about that situation-"

namjoon has a point, now that you think about it

lisa is very successful and very attractive and can walk in high heels very elegantly

and what about you?

yesterday you submitted a paper one minute before the deadline because of how much procrastinating you had done

and you haven't worn heels in forever because they just hurt so much

but lisa wouldn't complain about her feet hurting in high heels

lisa could have a hundred blisters and still walk into the room with a beautiful, red-lipped smile

"has he never told you about her?" namjoon frowns, "i feel like every couple should at least have one conversation about their past relationships."

"i think he tried to one time, but i- i dunno, you can't blame me for not wanting to sit there and listen to yoongi talking about all the girls he's been with, so i just changed the subject..." you mutter, pushing the jar away from you after pulling a strawberry lollipop out, "kind of regretting that decision now."

it's not like you have a reason to be insecure or anything, right?

your relationship with yoongi is very solid and there are certainly no trust issues or communication issues or anything of the sort

...

but he is your first boyfriend...,., and this is your first serious relationship which means you've had no prior experiences to learn from which means you're just going with the flow most of the time.,., so is it possible that you're being a little naïve right now?

"still, i don't think me telling you all the details of their relationship is a good idea because i feel like this is a conversation you should be having with yoongi-" namjoon chuckles nervously, leaning back against his chair before tucking a pencil behind his ear, "sorry, kiddo. i'm not trying to stir the pot here."

"i- oh, c'mon, joon- what's it gonna take, huh?" you reach into the front pocket of your overalls before subtly flashing a folded up hundred dollar bill, pursing your lips slightly as your eyes flicker back and forth between namjoon and your chest-money, "hm??"

"first of all, it's very concerning to me that you stash loose cash in your pocket like that. second of all, are you really trying to bribe me into telling you about yoongi and lisa?" namjoon asks incredulously

"what?! no!" you scoff, tucking the bill back into your pocket before pausing and raising an eyebrow, "...is it working?"

"no! in fact, i find it offensive that you think i'd be so easily swayed-"

"the next time i bring sushi for lunch, i'll get you your own mango shrimp tempura roll." you offer, namjoon staring at you blankly before he suddenly springs into action

"so, they used to sleep together, obviously." he clears his throat, "when lisa started working here, i kind of expected her to get involved with one of us and unsurprisingly it was yoongi, because... well, it's yoongi- i'm pretty sure it was a friends with benefits kind of thing because i remember asking him about it and he said they didn't want to put a label on it? and then at one point jimin asked lisa about it because all of us were super curious and she called it a 'situationship'... which, personally, i think is a pretty cheesy label- i dunno, they'd go out to dinners sometimes and occasionally they'd come into work together in the morning because- well, you know- uh, they were in this 'situationship' for... maybe, like, eight months? and then lisa got an opportunity to work elsewhere and she took it and they decided to call it off and fast forward to now... here we are!" namjoon claps his hands together before pressing his palm over his heart, "and i promise you that's all the information i have- well, maybe this piece of information might be useful to you: they were, like, super horny for each other all the time. like, almost outrageously horny, which i think is one of the downfalls of the relationship because you can't base a solid relationship off of animalistic sex, right? ooh, there was one time i caught them in yoongi's office and lisa was-"

"okay, i think that's enough-!" you hold a hand out to shut namjoon up and he shrugs before leaning back against his chair, "more than enough, actually-"

you weren't expecting to learn about the raw, animalistic sex yoongi had with lisa, but then again, you weren't expecting to even meet lisa at all

oh, god

should you be nervous??

you shouldn't be nervous, right??

...yeah, you're being ridiculous!

yoongi has been with other girls before and that shouldn't bother you because you didn't exist then

this has nothing to do with you!

so what if he bent her over the office table and-

okay, maybe it's time to stop thinking about this because the point is: you're fine. don't worry. everything is normal. yoongi is your boyfriend. lisa is his ex. everything is great!

"by the way, i want you to know that you honestly have nothing to worry about." namjoon suddenly chimes in as if he can read your mind, "lisa was yoongi's past but you are his present and most likely his future as well, so- seriously, don't even worry about it."

"yeah, you're right. it'd be silly of me to be upset about yoongi being with someone else when i wasn't even in the picture yet." you snort, reaching up to smack your own forehead gently, "okay! i'm feeling a little better. it would've been nice to not be informed about how horny they were for each other, but thank you for that detail-"

"yo, where are the snap ring pliers from my toolbox?" you turn just in time to see yoongi pop his head in, "i can't find them anywhere... i swear to god, everyone keeps borrowing my tools and 'forgetting' to put them back-" he rolls his eyes before looking over at you with a smile, "hi, baby-"

"hi yoongi-" you giggle, all your doubts and insecurities immediately fluttering away

see? nothing to worry about!

phEw

it feels like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders

"i think hoseok might've been using them earlier this morning." namjoon hums, "what do you need them for?"

"oh, lisa offered to help me out with the master cylinder repair and she needs 'em." yoongi points back over his shoulder, "you know how great she is with her hands-"

"woah, i thought-" your voice cracks slightly and you clear your throat, "i thought, uh- you were working on it yourself? like, i thought you didn't need any help and that's why i'm in here-"

"oh, i don't, but- well, lisa's good with fine-tuning so i might as well take advantage of her expertise while she's here." yoongi snorts before looking back over at namjoon, "you said hoseok had them?"

"yep!"

you bite down on your tongue to keep yourself from commenting any further

it's fine!

as we've already established, you have nothing to worry about.

...right?

»»————- 🛠️ ————-««

"and... voilà!" you smile satisfactorily to yourself after you set the scented candle down on the coffee table

the living room is going to smell like warm brown sugar and cinnamon in a few minutes and you can't wait

this is yoongi's favourite candle so you hope he'll be excited about that when he gets here :'))

you've been preparing the apartment for his arrival and lighting the candle was one of the last things on your to-do list

you still have to order dinner for tonight and you've always been awful at making decisions so you figured it'd be best to let yoongi choose instead

you haven't seen him for about a week and a half because of finals (and, being perfectly honest, you were the one who implemented this distancing rule in the first place because you know you won't be able to focus on studying when yoongi's in the apartment with you) so you're pretty pumped for tonight!!

you hum to yourself as you click on yoongi's phone number in your contacts, flopping back on the couch with a fwump! while your legs swing lazily over the arm

"hello?"

the phone picks up after a couple of rings and it takes you a second to realize that the voice on the other end certainly does not belong to your boyfriend

"he-" you pause, pulling your phone away from your ear and frowning at the unfamiliar voice before bringing it back, "um, hello?"

"hi! who's this?"

"who's this?" you point to yourself before scoffing lightly, "what do you mean who- who's this?"

"oh- oh, y/n! hey, it's lisa!" lisa greets enthusiastically and you relax a little knowing that it's just lisa, "sorry, i didn't look at the contact name before picking up- what's up?"

"well, i-" you pause again to recollect your thoughts, "um, sorry, i guess i was just expecting yoongi to pick up his own phone so i'm a little lost right now-"

"oh my gosh, don't even worry about it! yoongi's hands are super gross right now so i offered to take his call for him which is why i picked up the phone. is there something you wanted me to pass along to him?"

"yeah, you could pass his phone right along to him-" you joke before reminding yourself to keep the unnecessary cattiness to a minimum, "yeah, um- can you ask him what time he's coming over? so that i know what time to order our food and stuff? i want the food to still be nice and hot by the time he gets here, so i just need a time from him, that's all-"

"yeah, about that... i actually don't think yoongi's going to make it for dinner."

"i-" you frown, pushing yourself up so that you're leaning back against an elbow, "what? why not?"

"the thing is, i hooked him up with a bunch of clients so the poor thing's been working like a dog all day and it looks like he's going to be stuck here for a while... if you're worried about him skipping dinner, i can totally go and get some food for him if you want! there's this sandwich place a block away and i know what he likes-"

your eyes widen slightly at how... happy? lisa sounds about the fact that yoongi potentially won't be joining you for dinner and you nod to yourself as you clench your jaw

"that's- that's very kind of you, lisa-" your voice is a little pitchier than usual at this point and you clear your throat obnoxiously, "i'm sorry, i just really have to talk to yoongi for a second so if you could just, like, hold the phone up to his ear that would be okay too-"

"okay! gimme a sec." there's a bit of shuffling on the other end and you press your lips together as you wait (im)patiently, "yoongs! it's y/n... dinner... hot food... her place... clients... pretty busy tonight..."

and she even has a nickname for him

that's just downright adorable, isn't it?

"god, just give him the damn phone." you mutter under your breath, raising your other hand to inspect your cuticles as you lie back down on the couch

you should probably schedule another manicure soon

"-it's okay, i can hold the phone myself- y/n?" you perk up when you hear yoongi on the other end and you can't help but kick your legs in excitement

you can't help it!!!

you haven't heard his voice in a whole week and a half!!!

"greetings, yoongs." you tease, "what time are you going to be here?" you bypass lisa's whole monologue about yoongi probably not being able to come over tonight in hopes that she'll be wrong about him ditching you to continue working, "i wanna order the food so it'll get here a little before you arrive. also, i haven't chosen what we're going to eat tonight so you're going to have to choose for us-"

"right, about that-" yoongi clears his throat, "i know i was supposed to come over for dinner tonight but- listen, i don't know what lisa did but obviously she's got a lot of connections now and the shop has literally never been this busy before..." he pauses and you hear the sound of loud clanging in the background, "you understand, don't you?"

it takes you a couple of seconds to process the fact that yoongi really won't be coming over tonight and you puff your cheeks out to keep yourself from immediately whining in protest

to say the least, you are.,.,,. very disappointed,.., but!! it won't be the end of the world, right?

you hate that lisa was right, but that's a conversation you can have with yourself another time

and if yoongi won't be here, that means you can hog all the garlic cheesy bread to yourself so maybe this is a blessing in disguise >:-)

"no, yeah, i- yeah, get it!" you nod, "i love that business is booming, i just don't love that you didn't text me or call me earlier to let me know you weren't going to come over tonight," you frown, turning your head to look at the flickering candle, "a heads up would've been nice, that's all..."

"i asked lisa to text you earlier when my hands were full... sorry, she must've forgot..."

"oh. yeah, i guess it could've slipped her mind." you respond dryly, "it would've taken, like, five seconds to text me-"

"okay, i-" you hear yoongi let out a small sigh before he speaks up again, "i'm sorry, baby, i really am- do you- i can come over now if you want me t-"

"no, it's okay! i'm sorry, i'm just-" you shake your head quickly before chuckling uneasily, "i just haven't seen you in a while so i miss you, that's all- but i'll let you get back to work now and i'll see you later?"

"yes! you are the best, you really are- look, i promise i'll be all yours as soon as i-"

"yoongi! these tires aren't going to change themselves, silly-"

"oh, c'mon-" you grumble, your teeth grinding slightly at the interruption of lisa's peppy voice in the background

"uh- yeah, in a sec-! i gotta go, doll- i'll call you later-"

"okay, b-" you don't get a chance to even say goodbye before the line goes dead and the only thing you can hear is an obnoxious beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep- "-ye."

»»————- 🛠️ ————-««

one of your goals for the new year was to try your best to not hold a grudge

admittedly, holding grudges is one of your specialties so it's been a little bit difficult but you think you've been doing an okay job so far!

like that time jungkook accidentally drowned you with dirty car water because he didn't see you and also he had headphones on so he couldn't hear you

you were ready to strangle him right then and there but you just took a deep breath and reminded yourself that *~deep-cleaning services exist~*

and sure, you were a little upset that yoongi couldn't make it for dinner the other night and that the two of you haven't really had a chance to have a moment alone because of how swamped he's been with work, but... well, the past is in the past and challenges like this are good for your personal growth!

plus, it's the start of a new week so you're just going to focus on the present

you try your best to keep your footsteps as quiet as possible as you approach a preoccupied yoongi from behind

he's currently sorting out all the things to do on his giant whiteboard (you bought this for the boys because you thought it'd be a good way to organize all their tasks and unsurprisingly, namjoon was the most excited about it)

"guess who?" you hold your hands over yoongi's eyes with a giddy smile and he immediately spins around to face you

"hey, what are you doing here?" yoongi asks, leaning down to give you a quick kiss before pulling away to check the time on his watch, "aren't you supposed to be in class right now?"

"my history seminar was cancelled because my professor had some kind of an emergency so i thought i'd come and have lunch with you guys!" you hum, reaching over to fix the thin silver chain hanging around yoongi's neck, "i was going to pick the food up before coming here but i didn't want to just choose for everyone so i thought it'd be better to get everyone's orders first-"

"oh, you don't have to do that, baby-" yoongi shakes his head, capping the marker and dropping it back into the wire holder, "lisa actually offered to treat us to lunch- apparently there's some bagel place that has, like, a hundred different fillings-"

"lisa's here?" you interrupt, suddenly straightening your back before looking around quickly, "i... was not aware that lisa was... still here! i thought she was only here for a little while-"

"mm, she ended up extending her stay! one of her clients pushed their appointment to thursday so she came over to help out for the day."

"oh, cool." you nod, pressing your lips together as you take a second to sort through your thoughts

your nose scrunches slightly as you weigh the pros and cons of saying what you're about to say to yoongi

...

it won't kill you to ask, right?

"hey, i don't wanna, um-" you pause, "you know, i don't wanna... be that girlfriend, but... do you think that there's a slight possibility that lisa might still have feelings for you?"

a moment of silence goes by before yoongi practically barks out a laugh of disbelief

"what? lisa? no, no- that- no, don't be ridiculous." he snorts, shaking his head before turning back around to face the whiteboard, "lisa most certainly does not still have feelings for me- and, by the way, she was the one who broke things off with me, so if anything, i should be the one who still has feelings for-" he stops himself midway and presses his lips together before turning to glance at you over his shoulder, "you know, i'm hearing the words coming out of my mouth and i... am going to shut up now."

"mm, good choice." you raise a brow before shrugging, "alright, well, i just- you know, it's a possibility but if you say that lisa doesn't still have feelings for you, then i believe you-"

"alright, boys! it's chow time!"

you turn your head to see lisa waltzing into the shop carrying two large paper bags and the rest of the boys immediately rush over to her like moths to a flame

she brought bagels for lunch?

you're not trying to be biased or anything sandwiches are easier to eat, in your personal opinion

you basically have to unhinge your jaw to get a good bite of a bagel

"y/n!" lisa looks more than surprised at your presence when you and yoongi walk over the join the group, "i wasn't aware you were going to be here today- yoongi told me that you had class so i-" she pauses to set the bags down on the table, "oh my goodness, i am so sorry but i really didn't know you'd be joining us for lunch... yoongi, you could've texted me or something-"

"she just got here!" yoongi shrugs as he takes a seat at the table, "don't pin this on me-"

"ah, i probably look like such a jerk right now..." lisa winces, scratching the back of her head before reaching down to grab a bagel out of one of the paper bags, "here! you can take my bagel-"

"no, no, it's alright!" you hold your hands out before shaking them, "don't be silly, you don't have to do that- it's very nice of you to offer but i- it's alright, you go ahead and enjoy yourself!"

"oh, stop- take the bagel, y/n." lisa scoffs playfully, practically shoving the bagel into your arms before rummaging through the bags again, "i'll just share a bagel with yoongi! you don't mind, right, yoongs?"

"yeah, i had a snack earlier so i'm not, like, starving or anything-" yoongi nods, "what kind of filling is it?"

"this one is..." lisa pauses to look at the sticker on the top, "smoked salmon and dill cream cheese with capers."

"yoongi doesn't like capers." you chime in, suddenly feeling the need to prove to everyone that you know your boyfriend very well, "i remember they were sprinkled in a salad one time and he said they were too salty-"

"eh, i'll survive. i can always just pick 'em out." yoongi shrugs nonchalantly and you can't help but purse your lips in mild frustration at his response

"'atta boy! luckily, they're already sliced in half otherwise we'd have to take turns taking bites which would be weird-"

"agreed." you mutter, peeling the label off your bagel and sticking it onto the side instead

"oh, lisa! i was wondering if maybe you could help me out with some custom headlights i'm working on?" hoseok perks up, "i'm having some trouble getting the halo lights to work and i need your magic hands-"

"mhm! i can definitely check them out after lunch-" lisa grins, taking a seat next to yoongi, "anyone need a napkin?"

"yes, please!"

"i need one too-"

"pass one over here-"

you know it's silly of you to be feeling jealous over this because god knows the only thing you know about cars is that key go in and car go vroom so obviously the boys would never ask you to help them out with anything like how they're asking lisa to help out

and you're trying very hard to noT throw a self-pity party but it's getting harder and harder to not to that

(and it certainly doesn't help that there aren't any more seats left at the table)

you just can't help but feel so!!!!! inferior!!!!! compared to lisa

she's so cool and pretty and witty and obviously very knowledgable about cars

and what are you bringing to the table??

ham and cheese sandwiches??? fancy sushi rolls????

obviously not anymore because they've been replaced by these stupid bagels

this is the first time you haven't been able to throw money at a problem and you're not,.., sure.,., how you feel about it,..,

"i, uh, have to work on a paper, so i think i'm going to go and eat this in the office if anyone wants to come with?" you clear your throat quietly as you start to back away from the table slowly, "...or i can just go fuck myself, which is fine too."

you're not entirely surprised when your comment isn't acknowledged by anyone and you nod to yourself before swiftly turning on your heel and trying your best not to storm towards the office

you force your fists to uncurl and your shoulders to relax slightly but you can't help but make a face when you hear the boys laughing obnoxiously at one of lisa's jokes

of course she has to be funny as well

because the woman literally has zero flaws

you've been trying to find a reason to hate her and so far you haven't found anything negative to say

hating someone for having perfectly styled hair is a little odd

the legs of the chair screech against the floor as you pull it out and plop down

whatever

you like eating alone anyway

you unwrap the parchment paper and pick up the bagel before taking an overly aggressive bite of it, your cheeks practically bursting from how much food is currently in your mouth

you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand as you chew, tossing the bagel back onto the wrapper with a thunk!

...

damnit!

this is the best goddamn bagel you've ever had in your entire life!!

"phtupid phriggin' bavhel." you grumble, reaching up to wipe the sauce off the corner of your mouth before swallowing roughly, "even the mayo is delicious! god, what is this? some kind of garlic mayo-"

"oh my god. i think she's finally lost it." you jolt upon hearing jungkook's voice and you turn to see him and jimin standing at the door

"what's your problem?" jimin asks, the two of them walking over to join you at your sad, lonely table

"what? nothing. i don't have a problem." you shake your head stubbornly, "i just- i just wanted to be alone, that doesn't mean something's wrong-"

"is that why you're in here basically yelling at a bagel?" jungkook points out as he pulls out a chair and sits on your right

"i'm- i'm just stressed about- my paper. or whatever. it's whatever, i'm fine-"

"you can talk to us, you know." you frown when jungkook suddenly reaches over and in an uncharacteristic move, places both hands over yours

"is it about lisa?" jimin asks, crinkling his nose as he sits down as well, "it's about lisa, isn't it?"

"no, it's not-" you press your lips together before letting out a light laugh, "you know, i don't even have a reason to be upset about lisa, right? she's super cool and very nice and knows a lot about cars and is yoongi's age and namjoon blessed me with the knowledge that she, apparently, was a very passionate lover- so i have nothing to be upset about!" you snap, slapping your palm down on the table before wincing and cradling your hand to your chest, "...everything is fine."

"i have to say, i really don't think jealousy is a good look on you." jungkook clicks his tongue before glancing down at your feet, "i also don't know if those shoes are a good look on you- jeez, it's like the people at gucci are just pulling design elements out of a hat-"

"you are not making me feel any better, jungkook- these shoes are new!"

"ooh, you should make him jealous!" jungkook suddenly lights up and the fluorescent light hanging above you guys flickers for a second

"we're going to have to round back to my shoes later because i really don't think they're that bad-"

"you should make him jealous and give him a taste of his own medicine..." jungkook trails off, ignoring your previous comments once again, "it's what you deserve."

"i'm not- i'm not doing that." you chuckle uneasily, "are you serious? this isn't high school and getting him back would just be petty of me-"

"but it'd feel so nice to be petty, don't you think?" jungkook encourages, scooting a little closer to you with a devilish grin, "think about it, y/n. don't you wanna see yoongi get all hot and possessive over you-"

"i don't think it's a good idea." jimin chimes in, shaking his head quickly as he moves in closer as well, "because if yoongi finds out you orchestrated something just to get him back, that might create an issue of trust in the relationship, and that would be very, very bad-"

"oh, but it feels so good to be bad..." jungkook coos, poking your arm with his pointer finger, "so, so good..."

"uh, i don't think so! i'd like to argue that it feels bad to be bad-"

"don't listen to jimin, he's a wuss-"

"don't listen to jungkook, he's an idiot-!"

"okay, cut it out!" you snap, shoving your hands into both their chests to keep them from coming any closer, "i... must admit, i do want to do something to piss yoongi off because of how much he's pissed me off, but... i'm not like that, you know? and i don't want to come off as some crazy girlfriend because-" you pause when you notice jungkook's finger creeping closer and closer to your bagel and you immediately deflate as soon as you realize what's going on here, "oh my god. you guys only came in here because you wanted to try my bagel, didn't you?"

jungkook and jimin exchange knowing glances before looking up at you sheepishly

"yeah, that makes more sense-" you snort, rolling your eyes before pushing the bagel away from you, "have at it, you animals."

you lean back against your chair, stroking your chin in thought as the sound of jungkook and jimin bickering over who gets the bigger half of the bagel starts to fade out

to be petty or not to be petty, that is the question...

»»————- 🛠️ ————-««

(spoiler alert: the answer to the previous question is to be petty. very, very petty.) »»————- 🛠️ ————-««

"namjoon! where did you put my keys??" yoongi calls out, yanking open another drawer to rifle through its contents, "i'm supposed to pick y/n up from campus and i can't find them anywhere... i don't want her to just stand there waiting for me..."

"looking for these?"

yoongi looks up to see lisa standing by the door with his keys in her hand before she tosses them to him

"yes! you're a lifesaver, thanks-" he catches them with one hand before stepping out from behind the counter, "i thought you were leaving today? we already said goodbye to you this morning-"

"yeah, i know-" lisa chuckles as she steps into the office, "it's just that... well, i was going to just leave but i actually had something i needed to talk to you about before i left. i felt it wouldn't be fair to either one of us if i didn't say anything."

"mm. what's up?" yoongi hums, sticking his hand into the lollipop jar to pull a cherry flavoured one out

he pulls another one out before tucking it into his pocket (one for you when he picks you up!)

"well, i guess i should just go ahead and say it- just gotta rip the bandaid off-" lisa straightens her blazer before clearing her throat, "yes."

"...yes?" yoongi frowns, unwrapping his lollipop before popping it into his mouth and scrunching up the wrapper, "i'm not following. yes to what?"

"oh, don't play dumb-" lisa snorts, flicking her wrist at him, "yes, as in: i would love to rekindle our friends with benefits situationship-"

"woah, what?!" yoongi immediately chokes and he yanks the lollipop out of his mouth before patting his chest roughly, "what are you- what the hell are you talking about??"

"what do you mean what the hell am i talking about??" lisa stares at him incredulously before shaking her head, "you're the one who's been giving me secret signals all week-"

"signals-" yoongi's gawks, "what signals??"

"you know, like, how you cancelled dinner plans with her so you could be with me..." lisa croons, taking a step closer towards him

"i cancelled dinner plans with y/n so i could be with twenty cars-" yoongi inches to the side so he can make a quick getaway to run behind the counter in case lisa pounces, "which, i'm realizing doesn't make me sound like the best boyfriend but- i most certainly didn't cancel just to spend private time with you, no offence-"

"what about when we shared a bagel and you didn't complain about the capers??" lisa snaps, lunging towards yoongi only for him to quickly spin out of the way and hurry to get behind the counter

"uh, we shared a bagel because i wasn't hungry for a full bagel and i thought you weren't either, and also-" yoongi grabs namjoon's wheely chair as a makeshift barrier between him and lisa, "i'm a grown man, i'm not going to throw a fit over some friggin' capers-"

"how about when i squeezed your arm and asked you if you'd been working out and you totally flexed your arm for me??" lisa grabs the arms of the chair before yanking and aggressively rolling it behind her, yoongi's eyes widening in panic at the sudden empty space in between the two of them

"i flexed it to prove to you that i have indeed been working out-!" yoongi hops up onto the counter as soon as lisa darts towards him and he hurries to jump off so he's on the other side of it, knocking the phone and namjoon's pen holder down onto the ground in the process, "friends can ask each other if they've been hitting the gym!! i squeeze namjoon's arms all the time because his biceps are literally boulders-"

"i just feel like we have unfinished business, you know?" lisa whines, pausing for a second before bringing a hand up to bite down on the tip of her pointer finger teasingly, "plus, you have to admit that our sex was super hot-"

"are you- hello, i'm dating y/n!" yoongi gasps, "our business is finished! we have no more- we're out of business, lisa!"

"oh, c'mon." lisa raises a brow, clearly unimpressed with his reaction, "it's not going to hurt anyone to keep me as your sexy little secret- it's perfect! i only come into town, like, once or twice a year, so she won't even suspect anythi-"

"what are you- are you insane?! i'm not going to cheat on y/n-" yoongi chokes before raising his hands in defence, "lisa, you're a very beautiful woman and we do have a history, but- look, i'm sorry if i sent you mixed signals this week, that was certainly not my intention- please understand that i am very much not trying to cheat on someone who i love very much and who i'm pretty sure loves me back, so-"

"then who's that person she's so obviously flirting with right now?" lisa points over his shoulder, "also, she's barely visited you this week. what kind of girlfriend doesn't want to always be with her boyfriend??"

"first of all, space can be healthy, and second of all, she- hold on, you said flirting?" yoongi turns to look over his shoulder and out the door, tilting his head slightly when he sees you standing at the front of the garage laughing with... someone he certainly doesn't recognize...

"you can leave all of this behind and come and work for me, yoongi-" yoongi jumps when he suddenly feels hands grasping at the collar of his jumpsuit and he turns back to see lisa standing right in front of him (how did she move so quickly and quietly?!), "we can be happy together, i swear-"

"yeah, cool, just give me a second-" yoongi gently yanks lisa's hands off of him before hurrying out of the office and making a beeline right for you and this mysterious stranger

"oop- okay, he's coming this way-" baekhyun mutters, glancing over your shoulder before looking back at you, "it's show time. you ready?" he hums, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear

"what do you think? do we look convincing?" you reach down to unbutton another button on your blouse before adjusting the collar

it's taking everything within you noT to whip around to see if yoongi's just walking towards you or if he's storming towards you... because there's definitely a difference and you definitely want it to be the latter

the plan you came up with had a pretty simple formula: one handsome stranger + one flirty, oblivious y/n = one jealous yoongi

jungkook had a point about how nice it'd be to get yoongi all riled up and possessive and frankly you think you deserve it considering how dismissive he's been with you all week... which is why you were more than happy to recruit your very handsome friend baekhyun (he's very sweet / you met last semester in one of your history courses / he was more than willing to help out with your plan because he's a theatre major and this is good practice for him) to help you out with your plan!

"you're laughing like a robot." baekhyun lowers his voice, "i told you to act natural-"

"i'm being natural! ha, ha! ha! ha-ha. you're so funny, baek-" you giggle obnoxiously, reaching over to slap his chest gently, "you are absolutely the funniest person i've ever met-"

"y/n!" yoongi clears his throat loudly and you bite back a grin at the hint of annoyance you can detect in his voice, "i... thought i was picking you up from class today? i wasn't aware you hired a chauffeur!"

"oh, yoongi!" you spin around, feigning surprise as if you totally weren't expecting to see him at all, "oh, this is actually my friend- i know you've been busy so he offered to give me a ride!" you hum, stepping aside to let baekhyun step up onto the sidewalk, "baekhyun, this is yoongi-" you gesture to yoongi, "yoongi, this is baekhyun! ...my boyfriend."

you're hoping your accidental on-purpose flub-up triggers yoongi's memory of how he accidentally introduced lisa to you as his girlfriend and you're delighted to see the way yoongi's jaw drops slightly, "oh, my bad! i'm sorry, i don't know how that happened- what i meant to say was baekhyun, this is yoongi, my boyfriend. there we go."

"baekhyun..." yoongi repeats, his eyes narrowing slightly when baekhyun suddenly wraps an arm around your shoulder and gives you a squeeze "well, that's very nice of you to drive y/n all the way here. thanks for doing that, man."

"oh, it's no problem at all!" baekhyun hums, reaching over to pinch your cheek, "y/n's the sweetest and i didn't want to abandon her on campus-"

"okay, she wasn't abandoned, i was literally about to leave to pick her up-" yoongi points out, lifting his keys with a jingle before abruptly shoving them into his back pocket, "you know, y/n's never mentioned a baekhyun before. you two seem... close!"

"oh, baek and i go way back." you snort, digging your elbow into his side with a grin, "isn't that right, baek?"

baek

yoongi pokes his tongue against the inside of his cheek at the fact that baekhyun still has his arm wrapped around your shoulder and you haven't made a move to shoVE it off

how can you not see that his intentions with you aren't just chummy??

he wouldn't have driven you all the way here if he didn't want to get his grubby hands under your skirt-

"we most certainly do! we made some great memories in that lecture hall- i have to say, i was, uh, pretty disappointed when i found out she was already in a relationship..." baekhyun sighs dramatically, shaking his head before looking back at you, "i would treat you right and never cancel dinner plans with you-"

"okay, i think it's time for you to go, bacon-" yoongi forces a smile on his face before reaching over to gently pull you towards him, "thank you for dropping my girlfriend off. have a good one."

"oh, no problem!" baekhyun points towards you, "hey, lemme know if you need a ride to campus on monday because i'd be happy to swing by your apartment and-"

"no, i can take her!" yoongi manoeuvres you so that you're standing behind him and basically blocked from baekhyun's sight, "i've got it from here, thanks."

"bye, baek!" you wave at baekhyun as gets into his car and he salutes at you before his right eye drops in a cheeky wink and it's at that point that yoongi really thinks he's about to lose it

what the hell was that?!

he spins around to face you as soon as baekhyun zooms off and you keep yourself from asking him why his ears have suddenly turned super red

"why are you wearing lowbuttons to class?" yoongi crosses his arms over his chest, "i thought you said you were going to use them as, like, apartment decoration."

"louboutins, yoongi." you correct, looking down at your slick stilettos, "and why can't i wear louboutins to class?"

"you wore them out to dinner one time and i ended up having to carry you back to the car because your feet were aching-" yoongi reminds you with a pointed tone, "are you telling me that you walked up and down and all around campus in those things?"

"maybe i did." you shrug, turning to stick your nose up in the air a little, "i can wear stilettos to class if i so please."

"and the miniskirt?"

"what, you don't like it?" you pout, reaching down to pick a piece of fluff off the surface, "it's new!"

it's a plain black skirt but it has a little slit on the side and you purposely bought this specific piece knowing that yoongi has expressed how much he likes you in black

"of course i like it, and obviously i'm a big fan of the heels but-" yoongi huffs, "all i'm saying is that it's a little odd- the timing is weird for your miniskirts and heels to make a sudden comeback now that you're all buddy-buddy with this backyawn-"

"it's baekhyun-"

"that's what i said!"

"you know, i don't know what you're implying here but i haven't done anything wrong-" you shrug, "are you feeling okay? maybe you need to take a nap-"

"stop being stubborn, y/n. just tell me what's going on!"

"nothing's going on!" you insist, raising your hands in defense before flicking a strand of hair over your shoulder, "everything is perfectly fine and nothing is-"

"are you leaving me for baekhyun?" yoongi interrupts, his eyes suddenly softening, "because if this is how you're telling me we're over, it's a pretty shitty-"

"what- what?? no!" you shake your head quickly, "no, of course i'm not- why would you even- okay, fine! fine, i-" you let out a breath and your shoulders drop a little, "it's just that... i don't know, it kind of feels like i've been fighting to get your attention for the whole week and i... i feel like i shouldn't have to do that as your girlfriend, you know? and i'm not... i guess i just felt like i wasn't stacking up to lisa and how cool and smart she is and- this whole week it's just felt like you're in a relationship with lisa and not me, so i... wanted to make you jealous to see if you still cared. or whatever."

"are you serious?" yoongi's eyes flutter shut and he reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, "fuck, i'm sorry, ah- i'm sorry, y/n, i really am-" his brows knit together in remorse as he looks at you, "i think i just got swept up in all the new clients she was bringing in so i was focusing more on that than on noticing what was going on with you... i'm sorry. why didn't you just come and talk to me about it?"

"i didn't know how." you mutter, reaching up to scratch the side of your head, "i've never had to deal with something like this before, so... i know it was silly of me to come up with this whole thing-"

"you are my girlfriend, y/n." yoongi reminds you, his voice softening, "not lisa. it's you." he reaches over to hook a finger under your chin so he can get you to look at him, "i promise i only have eyes for you, pretty girl. you still love me?"

"god, yoongi-" you feel your cheeks flush at the nickname and you roll your eyes playfully before turning your head, "yeah. duh."

"oh, you silly thing..." he tuts, pulling you in for a hug and propping his chin up on the top of your head, "i'm sorry, baby. i really didn't mean to make you feel like that..." he pulls away and reaches down to glide his finger down the bridge of your nose before poking the tip, "i hope you can forgive me for being a shitty boyfriend."

"i'll forgive you if you forgive me for pretending to flirt with someone else." you smile sheepishly, yoongi grinning before nodding in agreement

"deal." he wraps an arm around your shoulder as the two of you head back towards the direction of the office, "so you really went through all that trouble just to make me a little jealous?" yoongi grins, "just for a little bit of attention? as if i'm not already all over you when we're alone-"

"well, it worked, didn't it?" you take your bottom lip in between your teeth as you squish your cheek against yoongi's shoulder and look up at him, "my acting skills are not half bad, if i do say so myself-"

"oh, shit, uh-" yoongi suddenly stops in his tracks when he sees lisa step out of the office and he spins around so that his back is facing her, "not to make you worry, but you should probably know that lisa's somehow convinced that i've been secretly flirting with her all week because i want to become friends with benefits again and she almost, like, body-slammed me in the office- also, if namjoon asks, tell him a raccoon snuck in and that's why his desk is a mess and his pens are all over the floor-"

"wait, what?!" your brows knit together and you're about to lean over to look at lisa but yoongi quickly reaches out and grabs onto your shoulders to keep you in place

"-yeah, so i'm going to lay you down on the hood of that car now because doing something extreme is probably the only thing that'll prove to her that she's wrong and i am very desperate to show her that she's wrong-"

"lay me down on the- and do what?! yoongi-!" you don't get much of a chance to say anything else before yoongi's suddenly bending down to pick you up off the ground in one swift movement, his fingers digging underneath your thighs as he lays you down on the hood of the nearest car, "yoongi-! you can't just-"

"shush!" yoongi hisses, pressing his lips against yours to shut you up promptly

"mmvph-"

it doesn't take you very long to melt into the kiss once you realize you haven't kissed yoongi like this in like a week and a half and you can't help but smile at the familiar faint taste of cherry you're getting from him

yoongi's warm hand slides down from your waist so he can hitch your left leg up against his hip, one of your heels slipping from your foot and clattering onto the floor

your senses are so clouded with yoongi cherry yoongi cherry that you nearly forget the two of you aren't alone (and also, all of this is definitely being recorded on the security cameras right now)

"hey, so- i- i'm gonna get going-" lisa announces loudly as she stands at a good distance away from the two of you, her eyes looking up towards the ceiling so that she doesn't have to watch the way yoongi's kissing down your neck, "i have to check out of my hotel, so-"

"yeah, sounds good!" yoongi pulls away for a second and shoots a quick thumbs up over his shoulder, "see you later, pal!"

"bye, lisa!" you chime in, giving her a wave even though she isn't looking at you and is really trying to double-time it to her car, "it was so nice meeting you!"

the two of you watch silently as lisa practically leaps into her mustang, the sound of the engine revving before she quickly speeds off like she just remembered she left the oven on at home

you turn your head to look up at yoongi before scoffing lightly, hooking a finger against his chain to pull him back down towards you, "you're ridiculous, you know that?"

"yeah, i know-" yoongi's nose crinkles before he offers you a boyish smirk and a half-hearted shrug, "you love it, though."

🎙️help me help you make your wishes come true (send me a request!) ✨why don’t you explore the rest of the library while you’re here? (full fics!) 💫or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles like this one!) 🌟or something even shorter? (teeny tidbits!)

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petroltogo · 3 years

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Hello! Im not sure if asks are allowed? I didnt see anything about it (I didnt scroll that far.) but people doing requests.

I just wanted to say I read ur superhero AU and Im in love with it! Im intimated by your writing (Im trying to make something in the fandom-soon, hopefully) cuz like, its so amazing?? I also admire it, and aspire to get to get to that level one day!

I wanted to say thank you for writing it. I dont really read anything Varia related, and rarely 10th gen (Im mostly into the arco)! And also, any tips for writing? Writing in the khr world? Thank you for taking the time to read this, and Im sorry if Im intruding on ya, homie. Please have a pleasant day!

First of all, you’re not intruding, I love getting asks!! Asks are allowed, welcome and actively encouraged [unless it’s just to spew pointless hate, in which case it’s blocked] and thank you so much for sending me one! And for your super sweet words, I’m glad you enjoyed the super AU so thank you for letting me know and for the ego boost lol

Posting something you’ve written is a scary experience -- I’ve been doing it for years and I still keep second-guessing myself and putting things off and deciding not to write a fic idea because why would anyone want to read that, right? And that goes doubly so for any fandoms I haven’t written in before and established a ground-floor level confidence to build on. But it still gets easier the more often I do it. Moreover I’m not forcing anyone to read it, I’m just offering my fics up for anyone who’s interested in the fandom and wants to take a closer look.

And if more and more people keep on creating things in any one fandom, that means there’s more and more content to choose from for everyone. Which means we all win because we have more fics to read, more art to marvel at, more videos to watch, more whatever it is you wanna do -- we all have more of it to choose from, and with every person that joins in, the chance of any one of us finding exactly the kind of content they’re looking for increases.

So. I hope you will try your hand at creating and that you’ll find the courage to publish it if you’re comfortable with that. I wish you all the self-doubt-silencer in the world [ignore those voices, ignore them like I used to ignore my french homework!] because I guarantee you: Someone is gonna love what you make.

That said, to be completely honest [this could’ve been] a villain’s origin story is the first time I’ve played in the KHR world, so I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be since I’m not actually that familiar with the fandom. But in my experience the most important thing is just to have a story in mind that you want to share and to write the names of the characters correctly -- [on an unrelated note, I’m so sorry Kyoko but I’m still not sure how to spell yours] -- because at the end of the day, writing fanfic to me means sharing your perspective on the characters, your interpretation of them with the world.

And some people will decide it doesn’t align with their own views and will shrug and move on and some will fall in love with it because it will resonate with them or make them rethink the character or give them an insight they’ve never considered. I think that’s one of the most beautiful parts of fandom tbh.

Writing, hm, what can I tell you about writing. This is actually really tricky because I don’t know what type of story you’re trying to write so if there’s something specific you struggle with, feel free to drop me another ask!

But in general I’m a very character-oriented writer [as the super AU probably illustrates] so my tip is to always make your character’s voices count. Whether you write in first POV or in third POV, as long as it’s from the perspective of a specific character always use that too your full advantage. Use the limits that POV defines, use what the characters don’t know -- whether your audience knows or doesn’t know doesn’t matter -- to your advantage.

For example: A conversation between Reborn and Skull in their early arcobaleno days. Reborn’s side of things might be full of double-meanings and hidden messages that he’s trying to get across while probing the cloud for the same sort of information and interpreting Skull’s expressions and reactions [in ways that may not be correct] because he’s mafia. Skull might take the exact same conversation at face value. He might miss all the implications, accidentally give Reborn the wrong impression about 23 random things and not notice and that single interaction could set the tone for their entire relationship going forward.

[Focusing on the limits of a character’s POV also helps keep interactions more realistic in my experience. Because when we interact with people, we don’t actually know what’s going on in their minds but as the authors writing that scene we do. The characters don’t and reflecting that in their interactions makes them seem realer and gives their personality (especially their personal biases and blinders and interpretations) more chance to shine through.]

And btw I don’t mean turn every conversation into a misunderstanding. Drama can be fun but it doesn’t always have to be about drama. I think of it more along the lines of “no two people ever read the same book”: No two people experience the exact same conversation or event the exact same way. That doesn’t mean we misunderstand each other daily, at least not necessarily.

But there’s always things about an interaction with our friends/family/random strangers that we’ll forget or that we meant in a different way than what they take it for and sometimes we notice that while talking and sometimes we don’t. That’s how it can work with characters too: not every different perception has big repercussions or leads to an argument or whatever. Sometimes you can just use that to highlight that your characters are different people with different experiences [Skull is really a great example in this case and so are Colonnello and Lal Mirch vs the “true” mafia members but also maybe how being a mist might color your perception of reality vs being a sun etc.] and that those different backgrounds affect how they perceive and act and justify their behaviors.

Okay, I’m gonna stop here because this could go on for a while and I’m not even sure that’s what you’re looking for, but I hope it helps! [If it doesn’t, let me know if there’s other aspects of writing where I could help.] Happy weekend and (hopefully) happy writing!

#ReRe answers #doingthefrickfrackwithyouknowwho #long post #i couldn't stop rambling #as in you shouldn't get me started on writing #because i can write about writing literally all day long #writing #writing povs #writing tips #ReRe tries advice #jury is still out on whether or not she succeeds #why do I keep talking about myself in 3rd person in these tags is the question we should all ask ourselves

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #299

“you look so beautiful tonight / reminds me how you laid us down and gently smiled before you destroyed my life.”

Ever done any drugs? Besides alcohol, no. How many people have you kissed? Three or four. What’s your favorite show to binge? I could only ever willingly *binge* Meerkat Manor and not get bored after like, two episodes. Do you watch porn? No, it's never appealed to me. What’s one of your fantasies? Being financially stable. :^) Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? I've lightly considered getting one, but I really doubt I ever will. What’s the most overrated movie? /shrug. Let people like what they like. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. I'd love to get to know my Facebook acquaintance Courtlynn better; I've wanted to for a long time. I think we could be fantastic friends. We'll like each other's stuff regularly and occasionally leave comments, but we don't really talk. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? Paper ones, by a long shot. I just really like the feeling of a book and being able to clearly see how far in you are. I enjoy the smell and sound of turning pages. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick? Probably Wonderland, realistically. I would say Azeroth, but too much world-threatening shit goes on every day lol. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? G O T H Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? Yep. Do you drink? Very, very rarely. Almost exclusively during celebrations or on the once in a blue moon occasion we go to a sit-down restaurant. Do you read erotica? No. It would make me super uncomfortable. What color was the last candle you lit? I don't remember at all. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Well, not exactly me. Mom and Nicole both had memberships to Planet Fitness, and I was able to come as a guest. It was just cheaper that way. What color was the last fish you had? That I owned or ate? Either way, idr. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. If you play The Sims, do you download custom clothes, hair, etc? I don't play it. Does your animal sleep with you? Roman does, yes. He legitimately spoons with me lmao. Sometimes he'll move to the bottom of the bed, other times he'll sleep through most of the night there. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? Yes. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rock Band? "Hotel California" by The Eagles on expert is so much fun and just feels good. The ending solo is just great. When you drink chocolate milk do you just buy the jug of it or the syrup that you can put into the milk? Almost always just the chocolate syrup. Do you own a robe? What color is it? No. What’s the worst abuse you have done to your phone? I know I've thrown it across the room once. Well, not my current phone, but a really old one. How did you meet your first love? High school. Well, you could maybe say Facebook. He sent me a friend request and I literally only accepted it because I thought it was another Jason. We talked via messenger some and then we ran into each other at school, and tbh I kinda knew I was fucked from there lmao. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s underwear? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever kissed in a pool? Yeah. Are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others? I absolutely cannot write in front of others, and I HATE drawing when people are watching. What do you do when you simply don’t know what to do? Odds are I'll probably be scraping the bottom of the barrel to find something in WoW that sounds even remotely fun, or I'll browse Facebook. How did you find out about your current favorite band? He's one of my mom's favorite singers/bands, so I grew up with some of his music, and when I was getting into rock and metal, I decided to go through her music case and listen to some of it. Ozzy's Black Rain album set the adoration into motion. Where are you most likely to go when you need clothing? The Internet or Wal-Mart, depending on what kind of clothes I need. When was the last time you tried to do something yet failed? I should have an answer for this very quickly... yet I'm unsure. I don't think anything *major* has happened in a while. Oh, this is a tiny thing, but I did look really hard for the pencil sharpener so my niece could finish coloring her drawing, but I couldn't find the damn thing for anything. Do you think your life is comprised more of success or failure? Lots and lots of failure. What’s one personality trait that’s not strong in you? Uhhh outgoing, ig. Are you a difficult individual to get to know? Considering I hide a lot about myself to try and be accepted, yes. When was the last time you opened up to someone and about what? Literally yesterday to my mom about this unreasonably massive fear I've had lately that she doesn't have much longer in her. I'm terrified she's going to get COVID or her cancer just comes back faster than we hope. To whom do you feel the most important? My mom. Is there something you want but might not ever have? Many things. What’s something you’re working to obtain? Mental stability. Do you tend to enjoy your dreams? No, considering they're usually violent and rarely just psychotic nightmares. Are there any projects or goals you’ve recently abandoned? Hm. What in life serves to keep you going? The hope it'll get better, and I'll reach a point of actually being happy and content with my life. What was the last good news you received? Nicole's trip to Maryland to bring back a baby was successful (if that sounds weird, she's a child social worker). He has a heart condition where if his heartbeat or something like that was irregular, she'd have driven all the way up there for nothing; the baby wouldn't have been able to take the ride. Are you more inclined to appreciate sweet or savory foods? Sweet. Are romantic relationships important to you at this point in your life? I mean I'd like to be in one, but I highly doubt it'd be successful, just given where I am in life. I'd be signing up for heartbreak. Who was the last person to apologize to you for something they did? I don't know. Probably Mom for something minor, like just bumping into me or something. Are you wearing a necklace, and if so, who got it for you? No. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done lately? Lately? Uh. I don't know, but I can guarantee to you it wasn't long ago at all, considering breathing embarrasses me, pretty much. Do you ‘think out loud’? Sometimes. Do you take gummy vitamins? No. How do you know the majority of the people you know? Former schools. Hell, or maybe various online locations. I just might have more online friends and acquaintances than in-person. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? I've talked about my pebble from my partial hospitalization program enough. Can you play electric guitar? I used to be able to play a little bit; I took guitar lessons for a short while in high school. Best I could do was the intro to "Crazy Train," but I'd still occasionally mess up. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Usually. Do you believe in ghosts/supernatural occurrences? Yes. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? Yeah. Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? Yes, usually songs that are also angry. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? The only case this has ever happened was with Jason and his gf after me. There are no words to describe the fucking hatred I felt. I haven't seen pictures of him with an s/o in a long time, and I absolutely never plan on seeking them out ever again. What song are you listening to right now? "Rest In Pieces" by Saliva. If you’re not in college, why? I couldn't handle the stress anymore. Just couldn't. Do you own a studded belt from Hot Topic? I have a good number of old ones from high school, actually. I wore them all the time. I could never fit into them now. Favorite fictional character? Um, Darkiplier, duh. Most recent thing you are looking forward to? I think it's finally set in stone that I'm getting my tattoo redone soon. Thanks to my laptop saying "ha fuck you," it's not as soon as I originally planned since I had to pay to fix it, but Mom seems fine with helping me pay for my birthday. Not a guarantee that it'll happen on that date of course, given scheduling, but yeah. It should fucking finally be happening. How many stairs can you climb before you wanna pass out? This is too embarrassing to even answer lmao. Have you ever kissed someone with braces? No. Would you ever consider adoption? I don't want kids, and even if I did, I probably wouldn't. I feel like I'd personally need the "wow this is a part of me (and/or my s/o)" connection. Do you ever go hunting/fishing? I would never go hunting, and the only occasion in which I'd fish again is if Dad asked me. I don't like the idea of fishing for fun anymore, but that's like... always been our bonding experience, and I wouldn't tell him no. Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Knew. What are you currently sitting/laying on? My bed. Who are your godparents? I don't think I have any. Do you have any friends who are famous? I have two friends who are parts of bands, but idk how successful they are. I don't think either are like, huge. Nova Mortis if you're into heavy metal and I think Toukan does rap? When was the last time you stayed at a hotel? Hm. I have no idea. What side of a heart do you draw first? Uhhhh I think the left? What is your mom saved as in your phone? "Mama Bear." Do you want your tongue pierced? I had snake eyes for a while, but I took them out because I kept chipping my teeth. I miss that piercing, it was so cute, but it wasn't worth ruining my teeth. Ever made out in a pool? It's possible very briefly, idr. Do you like to have long hair or short hair? SHORT. SHORT. SHORT. Do you change your phone background a lot? Not really. Would you get back with your last ex if you could? Yeah. Have you ever been strip searched? No. Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes. What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate is way too sweet. Did anyone see your last kiss? It was at an airport, so probably. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I mean, I do, but I don't really know how smart it would be right now. Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? A few. Who IMed you on Facebook last? My friend Girt. Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Hell naw man, I looked up to them lmao. What size is your mattress? (single,twin,double,queen,king) Queen. Do you like spaghetti? Hell yeah. It was my favorite food as a kid. What about lasagna? No; I don't like the cheese at all. Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Mosquitoes of course, as well as a bee once. Maybe other things, idk. Have you ever worn contacts? (even just to try them out) Yes, but I changed to glasses because I had too much trouble putting them in and taking them out. Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? No. Have you ever been screened for STDs? No. Did you have your tonsils taken out? No. Did you have your appendix taken out? No. Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? What is a "collector's" glass or mug? Were you your parents’ first born? No; I'm the middle child. Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No. Were you born perfectly healthy or with some (or a lot) of health issues? I was born healthy. Good 'ole days. Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Ohhhh yes, my neighbor and I loved doing that. My favorite was catching fireflies with my sisters, though. Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend. I'd get lonely. Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? A whole lot, sadly... I'm despising that disease more and more every day that goes by. I know far too many people who have it or have died at its hands. Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No. Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? N/A. Do not stay in a relationship where fighting is common. Would you ever share a site password with a family member or partner? I mean sure, depending on the site and person, and the reason they (may) need it. Has anyone ever told you they couldn't trust you? Hm... I actually don't think so? Who in your family has the prettiest eyes? Idk, I don't see enough of my extended family to know. What is an odd food item you would like to try, or have tried? I'm sure there's something I'd like to try, but nothing I think about with consistency, really... Most "odd" food I find unappealing anyway. When/if you drive, do you go the speedlimit? When I did, I certainly always tried to, but I was bad at maintaining a stable speed. I went up and down too much. Are you an aggressive driver? Or more passive-aggressive? I was dangerously passive at driving. Describe a hairstyle you had as a little kid? Well, I had long hair with bangs. What routine of yours would you most hate to break? Probably stopping getting a soda first thing in the morning... That is like so deeply ingrained into my day and is a motivator to get up in the first place. I want to change this to where I'm not allowed to grab one until I've had a full cup of water, but yeah, that hasn't happened yet. Has jealousy ever ruined one of your friendships/relationships? Honestly? I think it's possible that Jason totally split on me because of it. We were in this very unstable "friends" position after the breakup and hung out very briefly and awkwardly twice (which I'm pretty sure he didn't want), and I think one of our last attempts at conversation was who a girl he was talking to via Messenger was. No, before any assumptions are made, I didn't snoop. He showed me something on his phone and I just inevitably saw the little Facebook chat icon of a girl I didn't recognize. I don't even remember his answer. I just know it wasn't too long later I was blocked and everything. What is one restaurant you would NOT recommend? I personally am not a Chili's fan. What was your last conversation about? Mom and I were just talking about what a mush the cat is, haha. Who is your favorite person to debate or discuss with? Yo fuck debates, I got mad anxiety over that kind of stuff. Are you more likely to praise or insult yourself? Why? Insult. I don't even believe myself when I try praising, so it's not worth the effort. I have a billion and two reasons. Do you enjoy cloudy days? Why or why not? Honestly, not very much anymore. I've found that it actually does affect my mood. I like some cloud coverage, though. Would it bother you to be forgotten after death? Yes, even though when you think about it, most of us will be. I want to do stomething so badly; not even particularly something major, but just contribute to things and causes that matter and slowly change the world for the better. It's especially likely I will be forgotten though at some point because I don't want kids, so my blood isn't carrying on. Do you tend to prefer healthy or unhealthy snacks? Ugh, unhealthy. Has anyone ever asked you for diet advice? I think so, back when I started recovery and lost like 60 lbs fast as fuck. I wasn't even dieting though, just... came off awful meds. What age is your youngest aunt? Ummmm I have no clue. Do you like bowling? Yeah, it's fun, but I'm not good at it. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? Totally. Do you prefer sweet or sour fruits? Sweet. How're your dancing skills? Rusted to the point of just not functional anymore lmao. What brand of batteries do you usually get? I don't pay attention to the kind Mom gets. Are any of your friends pregnant or have kids? A lot of my FB friends have kids. At least two are pregnant, but I only consider myself remotely close to one. I'm beyond worried about how she's going to be as a mom. Where's the strangest place a fast food restaurant was located? I've certainly seen some questionable placement in busy areas, but none that are super odd. Do you stay up all night on New Years Eve/Day or go to bed after 12am? I don't care nowadays; I just stay up until I'm tired like every other night.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''rest in pieces'' by saliva

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jacscorner · 3 years

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Pokemon All-Stars: A Fan Region/Game/Alternate Universe Idea

I like watching and rewatching Original Pokemon Game/Region videos. Like Mr. Buddy's "What if X was a Pokemon Region" and stuff like that. I wanna make-or, I guess, write-my own. Since Regions are kind of a character all their own and I'm a Wannabe Character Artist, I wanted to try and make one my own.

I've got no skills in coding, pixel arts, or anything, so this will forever be just some kind of dumb fanfic that sometimes incorporates Game Mechanics to justify things if it were able, for some Godforsaken reason, 'stolen' for a game. Cause, in 2021, no idea feels too big or too dumb. And, uh, trust me, this'll be a dumb fanfic of an idea. So be aware for the subpar writing talents of some wannabe writer who doesn't know shit.

Small disclaimer though:

>This region is being made with the intention that every extra feature will be available in it. Z-Moves, Regional Variants, Gygantamax, Mega Evolutions, and maybe some things I've forgotten. This probably won't matter cause it's just a dumb fanfic plot bible with mechanics peppered in. Competitive balancing be damn! Pokemon Fans can create their own balance! That's what the Battle Simulator is for! In fact, if this was a real game, then it'd have a Battle Simulator like Showdown built into it.

>This is an open source Fanfic Bible. You can take this idea and run with it if you want. You can omit all my bad ideas even!

>I won't be making my own Fakemon. I don't like a lot of Fakemon that exists out there and, trust me when I say this: I am no better than them. In fact, I'm fucking worse.

>If this WERE a game, it probably WOULD still have to cut some Pokemon. I doubt that kinda, and I won't get into why I think dexit was dumb personally, cause it doesn't really matter. But, like, my fan game/fanfic will have a lot of shit going on in it. So, like, realistically, there would probably need to be a cut, if not for data, than just cause there's a lot of work to do as is. But, like, again, under the context of a fic, this wouldn't be an issue.

>With THAT said, I'd want this game to have a Gen 2 Sprite aesthetic. My fangame, don't care if ya'll don't like that.

>I'm probably gonna copy a LOT of stuff from other Fangames I've played. My shit memory probably won't allow me to remember what I'm biting from what, so be free to call me out whenever. Cause if I stole the mechanic, I probably liked it the game. And if not, well, I'd like the recommendation.

Fuck, this was long already. The rest is under the cut, so, like, if you're already turned off, you can stop reading. I understand. I'm kind of a windbag.

Okay, so how many of you guys have seen this picture on the internet? It's a picture of a ton of Pokemon regions all...basically stitched together, since not only could this never be canon, but this goes beyond the size of even most open world games today. But this was the inspiration for this project. The map probably wouldn't, and probably couldn't, look like this, but it perfectly sums up what I'd want out of this game. Thus, it'll be our placeholder.

Our hometown of Capricorn Town is home to Professor Chestnut, and you, her faithful assistant, are about to set off on a Pokemon adventure of your own! The Professor is encouraging you to see the region of Sidus for yourself and is even willing to give you a Starting Pokemon!

Starting Pokemon

Now, if I'm not making new Pokemon, which Starter will it be? Well, the game will have the data for all the starters and will randomly select a Grass, Fire, and Water Type for you to choose from. Those will be your starters, with the option of also choosing Pikachu, Eevee, and Riolu, the two mascot mons...and Riolu, who is kind of a mascot mon, but a lesser one.

Let's say for this example, your options are Torchic, Piplup, Rowlet, Pikachu, Eevee, and Riolu. And, uh, get used to the words 'random' and 'generator', those are our keywords.

Anyway, once you get your pick, there'll be some kind of tutorial mission the Professor will send you on. This will introduce you to two very important things;

1. One of your Rival.

2. An Evil Team Grunt.

Rivals?!

Now to start getting into why this game might still be pretty big still be big despite the sprites on modern consoles.

Each of your Rivals would be one kid from each region of the 8 Mainline Games from Kanto to Kalos. How this'll be decided is that each pair of kids will be plugging into a generator and will pick between either the boy or girl version.

Ex. Brendan and May both cannot be in the game. Instead, they'll be plugged into this generator. Let's say the generator fell onto May. She'll be one of your Rival. Repeat this process 7 more times until you have 8 Rivals sprinkled throughout the world, each one given a defined personality and better AI to make them harder trainers to fight.

May will have one of the Hoenn Starters, sans Torchic. Regardless of whether or not Protagonist-San picked Torchic, May will either have a Treecko or Mudkip, again, chosen at random per kid. Whichever Starter you picked, your first rival will have a starter that beats yours. So, let's say moving forward, May has a Mudkip and you a Torchic. The other kids will have random starters of the various regions they originally hail from.

Anyway, your rivals will wander the overworld. If they see you, they'll battle you on sight. If they lose, they'll be gone after the next time you turn the game off. They won't battle you again until they respawn, but you can hang out with them. In fact, you can even recruit them to be in your party for a few days and they'll follow you around and just generally be your friend. It'll make every battle a double battle, but they'll battle you again before their timer runs out, so be prepared!

BANG! BANG! ENTER! Team Wild!

The two of you will have to face off against Team Wild! They have a Cowboy theme to them, using a mix of Ground and Steel-Types, with a few Pokemon being added in for good measure like the Ponyta Lines, Cacnea Line, and Remoraid. Cause...it's a gun.

They're an outlaw gang, they're rough and tough (or, at least, a mild threat) and will always throw down when they spot ya. Something I'm just sniping from JelloApocalypse is that they'll appear sporadically and act as Timed Events across the map.

You and your new Rival beat them and send you packing. I'd imagine May and the other Rivals would mostly be friendly, but I'm sure there's one or two that'll just be jerks to you. Regardless of personality, they'll be pretty tough and programmed to skill with you. Your strongest mon you have on hand when you fight them will be the level their entire team.

With your tutorial done, the world is opened up! Your mom gives you your running shoes, some Pokeballs, and your...I don't know, PokeCelular or something, just the regional gadget that does a bunch of stuff. From holding your map to holding your VS Seeker.

The PokeCelular will also give you notifications on where Team Wild are! You can choose to ignore the events, but if you do, then they'll start to appear in the overworld know and will get progressively stronger.

A Balancing Act

This game will be an open world, 8-Bit Sprite Game for you to explore after you leave Capricorn!

So how do we balance that?

Well, we got our Rival out of the way already, so let's move on. Gym Leaders will have a pretty linear progression. However, regardless of which Gym you tackle first, they'll all be at the same level.

It doesn't matter if you decide to go across the map and battle the Bug Gym, he'll stay at Level 10, just like the Normal Gym. Whe you get the second badge, they'll all jump to Level 15. NPC Trainers will follow the same progression; the higher your badge number, the stronger the number of Pokemon they'll be.

Wild Pokemon will also get stronger. The more badges you get, it'll attract stronger wild Pokemon because they'll see you're stronger and will come out more.

The overworld will also have various dungeons in them that'll be Level Locked. Say, you go through a forest and you're just trying to reach the end of a maze. The Trainers and Pokemon will function the same as I've mentioned before. But, you can decide to go deeper into the dungeon. These Pokemon will be level locked, usually something of a high level, because this is a more dangerous part of the dungeon. But, there'll be some goodies down there, like rarer Pokemon and some kind of really rare and good item like a TM or something.

How will you traverse? Well, first of all, HMs? They're semi-back. BUT, instead of having to deal with teaching Cut to a Pokemon, you just need the move Cut and a Pokemon that can use the move and you'll be able to use Cut. A few other Pokemon that are reasonable candidates, but don't get cut, will be allowed to do this too. Like, Gallade can use Cut. It can't learn the move, but just holding the HM will get the job done.

Controversial opinion, but I think I've always liked the idea of HMs. On paper, they give you a reason to explore the world and go back to areas you couldn't before for goodies and make for a good way to get off dungeons until you get the needed item. Even something like Cut can be used to open up new areas for exploration for your squad of mons.

BUT, well, HMs suck. As moves, they suck save for, like, 2...MAYBE and they're only for, like, a handful of areas. You either hand them out as evenly as possible, forcing mons to take moves you don't wanna use, or you just get an HM Slave or two to use 'em all. But like they, they serve their function and all you need is the Pokemon in question and NOT teach them the move. If you need a Move Deleter just so people aren't stuck having to use Rock Smash for three towns, then there's a problem with your RPG. Imagine playing Final Fantasy and you had to give your Fighter the Bronze Axe to get through a forest and still had to fight with it, even though you got a +12 Silver Sword! It's no wonder people hated these things! But I don't think getting rid of them and introducing Rental Pokemon was a good solution either and adds a different, albeit less intrusive problem.

Gym Leaders

So, how do Gym Leaders work?

Much like your rivals, they'll be randomly generated. Let's say, hypothetically, there's a pool of 60 Gym Leaders and Elite Four members. The game will randomly generate 16 to be Gym Leaders. The generator will have some kind of complicated math (at least, too complicated for me) so that you don't have more than 2 gyms of the same type. (Example: Misty and Nessa might be Active Gyms, Siebold can't be selected for a Gym cause the Water Slots are taken).

As a trade off, some Gyms might have special conditions before you can challenge them. Like, if you got stuck with Koga as a Gym Leader, than he'll only let you in if you complete a nearby dungeon and help his daughter out cause he doesn't trust her to make it back on her own. Or, like, Claire's a Gym Leader, but she won't battle you unless you've collected 7 Gym Badges prior at least.

The Gym Leaders, as mentioned before, will get progressively stronger with each badge obtained. After the 8th badge, you can go and climb Victory Road, face the E4 and confront the Champion! You can keep hunting Gym Leaders, but just remember that the E4 will always be 10 Levels above the strongest gym you beat. And they'll just get stronger with every one you beat until all 16 are slain.

Another handful, let's say 8, Gym Leaders/E4 Members will be wondering around as NPC Trainers. The justification is that this big super region is in some Alternate Universe Pokemon Game that has all the Pokemon and other important trainers in it, hence why we can have a game where Roxanne and Lenora are hanging out at a coffee shop. They're not Rivals, more like stronger NPCs you can rematch and wonder the map. They're not here to be the very best like no one ever was.

I mean, I'd like, like, 10-20 instead of 8 extras, but let's not get TOO greedy...yet...

Elite Four

And now, it's time to flip the script. Cause if E4 members can be Gym Leaders, then who are the Elite Four?

Easy. The Rivals.

All the Rival characters will be put in a random generator as well. The four that are chosen. You can have an Elite Four made up of Wally, Marnie, Hau, and Barry and you gotta deal with it.

This is excluding Brendan and May, Blue, and Calem and Serena. Anyone else is fair game.

Champion

So, the Champion. Who would it be in this? There was a funny idea I had, but this is a Pokemon Game. So there would be two versions. We'll call them Pokemon Dawn & Dusk. The difference between these games is the game Champion!

Benga would be the Champion of Pokemon Dusk, the grandson of Alder! His final Team will include Volcarona, Garchomp, and Dragonite, Pokemon he used in Black and White. I'd also include Scrafty, Rampardos, and Golurk, Pokemon used against you in White Treehollow and Black Tower areas.

Meanwhile, the Champion of Pokemon Dusk will be Zinnia, the Lorekeeper! Her team would include the Goodra, Tyrantrum, Altaria, Noivern, and Salamence she used in her original team, with her plucky Whismur sidekick becoming an Exploud and her ace.

You would've met them in the beginning of the game and would've showed off a bit by helping you with Team Wild before. They'll pop in and out throughout the game, at first amused by your tenacity, but not wanting a rookie like you to get hurt. But if you keep bonking Team Wild, they'll be impressed with how strong you are.

The show up to chat again when you beat 8 Gym Leaders, and will pop in if you White Out to give you some advice. White Out three times and they'll feel bad for you and give you an egg. Benga will give you a Larvesta Egg and Zinnia a Bagon Egg.

EXTRAS

So I don't got a lot of ideas for the Post Game, but there is one idea I thought would be cool if, if after you defeat the champion, they give you a call. They'll tell you that there are strong trainers wondering the Overworld and to be careful.

Because dotting the overworld will be Champions passed and proper! Cynthia, Blue, Lance; all of them are rocking Lv 100 Teams and are out for blood. They won't challenge you, but if you talk to them, there will be no backing out of the battle! You come with your A-Game!

sI'm not exactly in love with the idea of Team Wild. Maybe the Evil Team should go full fanservice and just be Team Rainbow Rocket. Or maybe go half-and-half; having past Evil Team members and leaders walk around in cowboy gear and acting as Team Wild executives.

I'd also would love Tournaments. Like, maybe that could be a weekly event in some town, they'll how tournaments and the characters that aren't designated as Gym Leaders and such will attend. Maybe there's a cash prize, maybe you'll win Pokemon Eggs of rare, guaranteed shines, or maybe you'll get some kind of important quest items.

Yeah, I want quests! All sorts of side quests! And can't forget what I'd do with Legendairs;

If you know Bengal's team, you'll know he's got the Lati Twins. I don't like that personally and would prefer Legendaries to be Super Bosses. Like, you gotta do a lot to find them. And when you do, their stats are boosted and they become an Uber Boss! You catch them in a cutscene after you beat them!

There's also just a ton of characters I didn't get around to or really have a place for. Emma, Looker, N, and the Stat Trainers all come to mind. Overall, I'd want them to pepper the world as well, but don't have anything to say except this: Pokemon has made a lot of memorable characters. Both good and bad. And this is probably my dream Pokemon Game; one where you can hang out with your favorites

#Pokemon #Pokemon Dawn and Dusk #Fan Game #Fanfic Bible #Plot Bunny #JAC Notes

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plush-anon · 3 years

Text

SCOOB! Stream of Consciousness Review

Here we are folks - I finally review the originally cinematic, fully CGI animated Scooby Doo Movie (one year later... I did not queue this as I thought I had last June - damn you, Tumblr. I’m not changing much here, so enjoy as it was intended).

Created by a team who have professed their affection for this mystery team and their meddling dog too, will this be a lush experience fit to satisfy any Hanna-Barbera fan? Or will it be a hot garbage cash-grab, littered with Easter eggs and references that do nothing to hide a meatless mess of outdated memes and shallow character development?

LET’S

FIND

OUT

Below this cut is my entire stream-of-consciousness review on the SCOOB! Movie, as experienced. SPOILER warning here - I’m digging into everything, no plot points spared.

Here we go~

And we start off with a decent shot of the California coastline (looks like the kids backstory is front and center), some 90s hip-hop synthwave song about California, and OH SWEET JESUS THESE MODELS LOOK TERRIBLE

Ahem

Yeah, this is a problem right off the bat - some of these people in the opening shots look remarkably unfinished - think three shades above “Rapsittie Kids: Believe in Santa” level - and the animation on them is less than stellar.

On the plus side, we do see a fantastic variety of ages, sizes, and races - there’s a brief blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Sikh man on roller skates playing a sitar - but when the designs look rushed in the opening shots, it’s not a fantastic sign. At least they’re brief, but it’s hard to see if this is a lower level of the film’s style due to rushed animation, or if they didn’t care to polish it up as much, given that it’s maybe a 30 second scene.

Still, kudos to actually going for variety in the crowd shots. Minus kudos to making most of the clothes look like Play-doh draped over a Barbie doll. I’m not even kidding on that one, the clothes are super basic and barely have any sign of texture or creasing or even fabric/cut variety. Almost reminds me of the first Toy Story movie’s design for human clothes, yeesh.

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Ahh, our first introduction to Scooby Doo at a Greek gyro food stand. That’s foreshadowing right there folks! 😉

Sadly, he is really weirdly animated in his run sequence - he looks out of proportion as he’s running on his hind legs, and the human animation has really bad consistency - some background characters are really janky, while others actually move really nicely. The characters we immediately focus on seem to be pretty smooth at least, but that’s still very strange.

On a side note: Ruby and Spears Sub Sandwich shop. Nice 😁

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They are reaaaally pushing the super over-the-top dramatic music for a bike cop chasing a dog that stole gyro meat

Why

It’s not even interesting chase music, just generic super-hyped-up chase music

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And now we finally get to see a young Shaggy, standing next to a tie-dye food stand called Casey’s Confections that… sells meat. Hm. Guess WB hasn’t learned after all these years 🙄

Unfortunately, I’m not a huge fan of the kid they got to play him, Iain Armitage. He’s not a bad voice actor by any means, but he just doesn’t sound right for Shaggy. I know that as a kid he’d be much less likely to have a cracking/squeaky voice, but he sounds… it’s hard to pin down a word, but - precocious? Darling? Either way it doesn’t quite match, especially given how Shaggy sounds when he grows up via Will Forte. Just… no connection there.

I tie it down to the particular vocal twangs and nuances the gang usually has. I’ll touch base on that note later I think, once we hit the teenage versions of the gang, but for now I’m just not feeling it.

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On the one hand, I empathize deeply with Shaggy and his Spotify’s unsettling ability to pinpoint his insecurities with song choices, and also deeply enjoy that one small gesture where his fingers kind of shake & tighten around his phone while he takes a deep breath to calm himself- it’s a very nice, subtle sign of frustration

On the other hand we just passed two guys with no nipples and an unerring likeness to a Ken doll in those Barbie movies, so I’m distracted by that now

(between this and Fred’s no-nipples in Happy Halloween SD!, is WB just terrified of giving men nipples in animated movies now? what gives?)

Also distracted by the thrifty lesbians who bought those two shirts that come together to make a heart in the middle, on the store’s 2 for 1 day

happy pride y’all!

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Finally got context for the two sand piles!

Very, very sad context, but still! Progress!

Basically Shaggy’s practicing talking to people in order to learn how to make friends, since he either has no idea how, or has never had a friend before. So he’s trying to learn the right way to do it since his own attempts have failed

And him talking to these sand piles not only counts as practice, but he’s using them so that his mom thinks he’s spending time with friends like he told her

Ow :)

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So ketchup leather is apparently a thing that exists

I’m learning so much today!

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Given that Shaggy has no friends at this stage, but he’s still called Shaggy, I’m kind of wondering if that was a mean nickname that everyone called him, but he was just grateful for the interaction/pretended it was from friends, so he kept it 🤔

Actually, take it back, his mother is calling him that. Family nickname, maybe…?

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Shaggy has Blue Falcon (classic) and Dynomutt funko pops

noice

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Oof, you can reaaaaally hear the age in Frank Welker’s Scooby voice. Can we get Scott Innes back? He sounds almost identical to his performance 20+ years ago :/

Also talking waaaay too much - even SDMI Scooby wasn’t this wordy, and he NEVER shut the hell up

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Okay wait

So Shaggy met Scooby on Halloween day - then met the rest of the gang hours later?

Huh. And here I was thinking it would have been a few weeks minimum

Although I have to say there is a lot here to work with, if it paces out how I think it does

Shaggy meets Scooby. Bare hours later, he buys him a collar (instead of his mom? weird) and asks him to stay with him, despite not really knowing him. Then, only a couple hours after that, he finally makes some friends… but only when Scooby is with him.

Given that it looks like the gang are all around the same age in the same neighborhood, there’s a solid chance that they’ve taken classes together at the same school. If none of them met/knew/made friends with Shaggy then, but only did so AFTER Scooby came into the picture, that might lead to the argument we know about later when they split up; afterwards, S&SD go to the bowling alley, then get abducted by the Blue Falcon, plot continues. This could make it seem like they were only friends with him at the start because he had a dog.

And the brief scene earlier with the music device shows that he tries to tamp down on his anger/doesn’t really address it - could lead to something more later

hmmmm 🤔

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Wait what

These two kid bullies just came out of nowhere, stole Shaggy’s candy… and then started on about how Halloween is only a marketing ploy to get companies to rot your teeth and go to the dentist more, before throwing the bag through a window and telling the two that ‘your blood sugar will thank us for it!’

Are - are these the brainwashed children of a Karen? Is that what I’m seeing?

I mean we could have had a Red Herring cameo, but apparently informing children about candy conspiracy theories is more important :/

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Daphne: It’s Halloween - no one should go home without their candy

FD&V: *none of them have candy/candy bags*

???????

(Wouldn’t it make more sense if the bullies had stolen their candy too? What the hey man)

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I do find it neat that we actually get to SEE the wires the ‘ghost’ uses to fly in full effect - that’s actually pretty cool, and not really something we get to see up close in older Scooby shows. Most of those just have the bad guy randomly flying about, and the wires revealed after the fact

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Actually, given how FD&V react to this ghost almost immediately… have they already been solving mysteries? It seems like it, given how smoothly they move together to capture him

That’s kind of odd in kids. Like, even in PNSD they weren’t perfectly in-sync on stuff

This then leads to the gang solving mysteries together… in spite of the fact that all Shag and Scoob did was hide in the wardrobe that had the stolen goods, while FD&V captured the dude

Granted, they do ask Shag and Scoob if they wanna join in and say yes, but that seems like an strange jump after what could have been a one-time deal

I just find that a touch odd - esp when they could have had a five minute scene or so of them wandering around the house, touching on some old SDWAY traits. Heck, show that they’re SCARED in some way, and don’t immediately move to tackle what looks like a murderous spirit at age 8-9 or so. Even just showing the kids learning about each other would be enough, but what do I know. I’ve only watched Scooby Doo everything since I was 4 🙄

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Ahhhh, and now for the updated rendition of the theme song

Where they’re all still kids doing everything the teenage gang did in the theme song

It doesn’t look as good as the OG, though - kind of like a computer game simulating the SDWAY intro using the PNSD kids in CGI. It’s honestly strange to see, and a little jarring - especially when we then transition to the older teenage gang right in the middle

Like, we don’t get to see you guys age through the song as you’re chased by/catch different monsters? That could have been pretty neat honestly - shows how long they’ve been doing this

Tho I gotta admit, seeing the Spooky Space Kook with his OG sound effects is pretty awesome, brief as it waoH MY GOD FRED WHY ARE YOU HAVING A ROMANTIC BEACHSIDE DATE WITH THE MYSTERY MACHINE

THAT WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL AND NO ONE ELSE GETS A CHARACTER INSIGHT SHOT LIKE THIS

WHY

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Huh, looks like Ruby & Spears gave up their subway sandwich shop for a coffee shop

That apparently the gang goes to in order to eat malt shop food

okay?

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Ah, and here’s where we finally look at the voice acting of the older teenage gang. Buckle up folks, cause I gotta lot to say

We’ll start with Fred, bc honestly? I think Efron actually fits him pretty dang well. He’s got a different cadence from Welker, true, but as far as an update goes? I think he’s a solid fit. Very much in line with the all-American kid that Fred’s kind of been slated as for the past 50 years or so, but updated more for the modern perspective. I call it solid (and possibly a replacement for whenever Welker decides to retire).

Next? Oof. Velma is, IMHO, the weakest casting. Velma, no matter her voice actress, has ALWAYS had some form of nasal twang to her voice - that’s part of what makes her Velma to begin with, and helps her stand out. Nicole Jaffe, Pat Stevens, BJ Ward, Christina Lange (PNSD), Mindy Cohn, Kate Micucci, Linda Cardellini -heck, even Haley Kiyoko from ‘The Mystery Begins’ and Sarah Gilman from the ‘Daphne and Velma’ movie understood this! They all had that nasal twang to their voice - differing between actresses, of course, but still recognizable as Velma. Gina Rodriguez though? Honestly, it just sounds like she’s acting it straight. Not bad acting at all, by any means - she just doesn’t sound like Velma, and doesn’t seem to be trying to. (Honestly wondering if she was only hired bc she voices Carmen Sandiego in the reboot cartoon for the lolz fun reference! type connection)

Daphne is sort of similar in voices, but hers is more of a pitch her voice hits - Heather North, Mary Kay Bergman, and Grey Delisle Griffin all have that pitch they hit naturally when speaking. Amanda Seyfried? Does not - in fact, her voice is actually deeper than I was expecting - but it’s not quite as big a difference as it is for Velma. It fits her character type okay, and she does well with it overall.

And finally, the most controversial one: Will Forte’s Shaggy.

I’ll go ahead and say this: he’s not Scott Menville levels of bad Shaggy voice acting. If I were to place him on a list, I’d probably put him around Billy West level - kind of sounds similar via vocal tics (voice cracking, likes and zoinks, etc), but his own voice just overtakes the impression he’s seeking to hit. When I hear him speak, I don’t really hear Shaggy; I just hear Will Forte trying to do an impression of Shaggy.

In comparison: when Scott Innes took over for Shaggy, it was like Casey Kasem’s, just a touch more of a twang to his voice and just a dash over-the-top - but it was still Shaggy, and you didn’t doubt that for a minute.

Same thing for Lillard, but maybe moreso - he was pretty much the most perfect casting for a live-action Shaggy there could be at the time Scooby Doo (2002) was made. Him taking over for Kasem from there made perfect sense: he was honestly the best cast Mystery Inc member of the live-actions, and a lot more recognizable to the general public as Shaggy than Scott Innes was. He could also do different emotions with Shaggy that not a lot of the other voice actors had the chance to do (mainly bc script), so for future stuff they have that flexibility, if they wanted to play around a little more.

With any luck Forte will get better over the course of the movie, but honestly the casting could have been so much better with Matt Lillard and Kate Micucci.

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Shaggy Rogers, evading taxes since 2020

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siMON COWELL??!?

WHAT THE

WHY?!?!?

ALSO HIS CHARACTER DESIGN STYLE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF THE GANG WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!!?

IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SD CELEBRITY CAMEO

IF YOU WERE GOING TO DO A CAMEO FROM AMERICAN IDOL WHY NOT RYAN SEACREST

HE TOOK OVER FOR CASEY KASEM ON THE AMERICAN TOP 40 WOULDN’T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE

aaauuuggghhh

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Also he’s there as a potential investor in Mystery Inc as a detective agency

A music industry professional… is interested in funding a detective agency.

Like… did he miss out on Josie & the Pussycats? Is that why he’s here?

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Wait a minute

Oh noooooo

I know why he’s here

I remember this spoiler

Shit

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And once again, here is your reminder to tell Simon Cowell a great big fcuk you

Only this time it’s for making Shaggy and Scooby feel worthless and saying that friendship is worthless and cannot be counted on for anything worthwhile

Simon Cowell: Professional Dickhead

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Welp, at least this gives a solid reason why they leave: Simon Cowell was being a professional dickhead, and the gang didn’t really say anything against him or interrupt him on his whole ‘Shag and Scoob are worthless spiel’

Or, well... Daphne stepped up some, but more to say ‘they’re our friends!’ rather than ‘that’s entirely wrong, our friends aren’t worthless!’ Better than nothing, but yeesh

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Ahhh, Takamoto Bowling - the emptiest bowling alley in the evenings this side of Coolsville

(no seriously, the past few times my dad has taken my sister and me bowling pre-pandemic, no matter the day or time? it’s ALWAYS got more than 6 lanes of people there, what the heck)

Also Scooby wears three bowling shoes, which honestly makes more sense than I thought it would - that pup goes spinning and sliding every which way on a normal floor, bowling alley floors would be like ten times worse

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here’s a nice little detail - when Scooby sees one of the bowling pins peek out with red eyes and he yells that to Shaggy, Shaggy actually squints and walks closer to see if it actually does have eyes

aww

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Huh, okay

Panicked Will Forte Shaggy actually sounds more like a good Shaggy voice than normal talking Will Forte Shaggy

I can dig it

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Still kind of underwhelmed by the Shag and Scoob disguise scene - wouldn’t it make more sense to have them like, dish up hot sauce or something on a plate that nonsensically makes the robots overheat before they discover their ruse?

Idk, maybe they’re off their game after Simon ‘Dickhead’ Cowell

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Carlton Way - must be named after Fred’s only other voice actor, Carlton Stevens of PNSD

Also Hanna’s Barber Shop is next to Barbera’s Pizza! Cute.

And… Pitstop’s Pink Perfume ad. Wait, who is that? *assorted googling noises*

...ahhh, Penelope Pitstop from Wacky Races! Who, according to Wikipedia, was revealed to have Greek ancestry in the 2016 Wacky Raceland comic book, having been born on the island of Aegina

Now I’m wondering if we’ll see her in this too, given Cerberus...

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Honestly kind of fascinating to see the gang with a police radio in their van

Also fascinating to see that only main characters are allowed clothing variety and texture/creases/folds

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it’s actually really sweet to see Fred, upon hearing that Shag and Scoob are likely in danger, immediately makes a 90 degree turn in traffic

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It looks like they changes Dee Dee’s name a hair - now it’s Dee Dee Skyes, instead of Sykes

It works well for the Falcon aesthetic, so that’s cool

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Shaggy, after Dee Dee tells them that Dastardly’s trying to kill them: Scoob, someone thinks we’re important enough to *mimes slitting throat*!

Scooby: It’s nice to be wanted.

Excellent! This movie has captured Shag and Scoob’s blasé attitude towards death! Now we’re onto a solid Scooby film :D

Dee Dee: Hmm, I hear that!

And they even have a friend to share in their attitude! Splendid!

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Christ, I can work photoshop better than Blue Falcon can, and I don’t even know how to use photoshop

I will give major kudos on his costume tho - it maintains the important elements of the OG Falcon, while still updating it with more bird-related aesthetic, like the feathered appearance of parts of his costume, the split cape resembling the tail feathers, and the talon gauntlets & boots. neat!

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Yooo, Dynomutt, I thought secret identities were still a thing with Superheroes, what the hey are you doing giving it out to a duo you literally just picked up behind a bowling alley

Ngl, I’m kinda hoping we get some scenes where Dynomutt messes up a little like in the OG cartoon - this one feels really serious, which is kind of strange

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Okay now I want to see older!Blue Falcon come in for a cameo

Mainly bc I’m getting the feeling that this one is a major dumbass, and not in the fun and friendly himbo kind of way 😑

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Wait, THAT’S our first look at Dastardly? That’s a bit abrupt, isn’t it?

Also his ship must be pumping thousands of gallons of toxins into the air, that smoke cloud looks hideous. Forget logging into his mom’s Netflix account like the trailer said, EPA should probably be hunting him for sport with a laser cannon, jesus fcuking christ

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Honestly kinda want a plane you can pilot like a motorbike now

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Welp, it looks like we have a fun, mustache-twirly, puns-aplenty, loves-to-be-bad kind of villain on our hands folks! This is gonna be FUN AS HECK

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Eurgh, this scene - the super-stiff-but-stretched-out ‘yeeurgh’ faces really squick me for some reason, but I can’t really pinpoint why

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I have decided I highly dislike the Brian Blue Falcon, or Brian Falcon for short, and would like to see Dastardly tie him to some railroad tracks

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North St for Heather North, and… wait… Funland Carnival? Like where Charlie the Robot hung out?

Apparently that’s in Romania.

A very yellow-greenfilter Romania at that.

Like, I’ve seen blue washes on movies trying to portray evening in the middle of the day so they don’t actually have to shoot at night, but yellow? That’s normally used for deserts and hot days and uhhh

NOT for evenings in a country with landscape like THIS

odd

(I mean I guess they got the mountains and trees right, but still. Yellow filters make a place look arid, which Romania is Not, to my knowledge)

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Dude, Brian Falcon is such an idiot even Shaggy and Scooby, commonly portrayed as the idiots of Mystery Inc, look at him like he’s a moron.

(They are Not Amused.)

Also Brian Falcon is an absolute coward. That’s new. Even Shaggy and Scooby face off against the robots directly in a Whack-a-Mole game and destroy some. Dude, get your head in the fcuking game already, yikes

Woah, Laff-a-Lympics, Wacky Races, Hex Girls, The Banana Splits, Penelope Pitstop, Space Stars, Posse Impossible, and Hong Kong Phooey easter eggs in one shot

Geezus

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Another nice moment: when cornered by Dastardly, Shaggy moves to stand in front of Scooby to protect him

---

Dastardly (to Shaggy): I don’t care about YOU. You’re not REMOTELY important!

*proceeds to shoot Shaggy THROUGH the ceiling and up into the highest car on a Ferris Wheel where Brian Falcon is hiding like a man baby*

Welp, so much for a fun and zany villain. Time for this Plush Anon to kill a bitch *cocks shotgun*

I will, too - kudos to the animators for hurting me so badly with the face Shaggy made right before being shot because

---

Ehehehhehe, yess, the infamous ‘Dick’ scene

Dastardly: No, I’m a DICK. With a D!

You sure are, you sack of dildos with a D!

This scene had to be put in on purpose - if this had been released in theaters, I just know the adults would be dying in laughter 🤣🤣🤣

----

Shaggy: Brian, do something!

Brian Falcon: Like what?

Shaggy: Like, drop some F-Bombs!

love it 😂

---

Is it like movie law now, that if there’s an action scene with a Ferris Wheel in the background, it has to fall off and roll down a mild incline like a wheel? Because it kinda feels like it

---

Aha! Dastardly said his drats! Perfection.

Now to shoot him through a ceiling to make them matter even more :D

---

OOF.

Well that hurt.

Poor Shaggy - basically internalizing now that he’s the worthless one and weak link of the group now that Scooby is considered more important

---

Holy fcuk I’m crying

Shaggy just broke Brian Falcon down to his deepest insecurities without even trying while talking to him

He even used the words ‘imposter syndrome’

Shaggy hon, you’re the best

----

Oh hey, Fred, Daphne, and Velma! It’s been a while since we saw you guys again, what are you doing?

Arguing about the metric system and realizing that Shaggy and Scooby reminding them to eat periodically helped them keep a clearer head...

And using the word ‘hangry’.

But then looking through a ridiculously cute photo album of the two and a video the gang took together (the video is honestly really heckin’ cute, 10000/10 would recommend)...

And then getting pulled over so Fred can have a brief ‘oo-la-la’ montage about the pretty blonde cop who honest-to-gods looks like a Barbie doll.

Where Daphne then describes how ugly Dastardly is...

Right before the petite blonde cop who’s maybe like 5’7” at best rips off her outfit to reveal it was Dick Dastardly this entire time, all 7ish feet of him.

And then kidnaps them all along with the Mystery Machine while he makes terribly fun dorky puns

…

...SO BACK TO SCOOBY AND SHAGGY...

---

...where Scooby is making kissy faces in the mirror while wearing his Blue Falcon uniform

Hrm, that’s not really better is it

We actually see Shaggy reading (OG) Blue Falcon’s autobiography, and making hurt but snide comments about Scooby’s ego

Which are actually pretty clever tbh

-----

Cooooooongratulations, Fred Jones! You are now officially a full-on himbo!

----

Alas, poor Daphne. While your knowledge of the tropes of your show might have served you well in other places, this was to be a theatrical release once upon a time, and so such knowledge falls to ruin.

----

You know, I just realized - we’re never really told HOW the Cerberus skulls work, both in how each skull can be used to find the others, and, presumably, in releasing Cerberus itself. We’re given a brief glance-over of Scooby’s ancestry (and I mean REALLY damn brief), and a quick mention that these are supposed to be Cerberus’ skulls being stolen, but… that’s it. Nothing else is given.

Now, I read the first few chapters of my SCOOB! Junior Novelization, and it actually went into further detail about the skulls themselves and what Dastardly’s initial plan was early in the book - open the gates of Hades and obtain the seas of treasure therein. It acted as an introduction both to the climatic endgame we’ll face at the end of the movie, and to Dastardly, who uses the same disguise trick he used as the Barbie cop when he stole the first one in South America.

(They actually DID plan to use this as Dastardly’s intro, but cut this… 3 minute scene for time. Yeah. See below video for the details - honestly think they should have kept it in. Saves time later and definitely more show than tell, compared to what we got)

youtube

I feel like that would be a better introduction to him than the one we got - hell, it would have fit in quite neatly after the revamped theme song montage. They could have the scene with Dastardly finding/stealing the first skull as an introduction (as above), then have him answer a call or something. Exposit openly “You found the key! Excellent! Now where are we going next?”

THEN cut to the diner/coffee shop scene we had earlier. We still wouldn’t know exactly what the key was/entailed off the bat, and they could still have FD&V find out on their own - maybe by hacking the little robot instead? IDK.

---

The final skull is on Messick Mountain.

Cute.

On a side note, I do love how Dastardly’s ship interior looks - very dieselpunk

---

Velma just hacked into Dynomutt… somehow, and I finally get my wacky Dynomutt shenanigans! Hazoo!

...sadly that was really dang brief. Realistic, yes, but still too brief.

---

Eyyyy, we finally get the whys of why Scooby is needed! … really dang fast.

Also Fred says Jinkies.

----

Hey, Muttley popped up! In a shrine… to his demise… that we find out he reached when Dastardly pushed him forward into the Underworld to steal the treasure of Alexander the Great in a portal he rigged up… only for both of them to find out it was a one-way deal unless they used the key to be able to come back. The key, of course, being Scooby Doo, descendent of Peritas, Alexander’s dog.

Eh, workable enough-ish. It’s interesting to see that Dastardly, despite how much he disliked Muttley in the older cartoons, still cares about him to a certain extent.

---

Pfff, Fred’s a poor man’s Hemsworth XD

---

Sweet, we’re in ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ now!

---

O W W W

You guys really had to do the ‘me or them’ thing with Shaggy and Scooby… and tHeN hAvE sCoObY cHoOsE tHe FaLcONs?!? Just because they said he was important as “the key” and gave him a spandex costume.

Over at least 7 years of friendship.

Booooooooooooo

---

actually no I’m Not Done Yet

This whole scene is a mess.

Shaggy’s turn was really dang fast… but I can still see how he gets to it. It’s at least a day between Scooby being chosen as a pseudo-sidekick and the island arrival, during which Shaggy’s talk with the main adult (who has taken up the mantle of his favorite superhero) essentially confirms his feelings of worthlessness and leaves him to stew for HOURS on end (on top of another adult, Dastardly, who also calls him “not even REMOTELY important” at the carnival before freaKING SHOOTING HIM THROUGH THE CEILING NO I AM NOT OVER THIS). Tie that to a teenager who also believes his only friends have come to think he’s meaningless baggage, and suddenly his entire support system is vanishing underneath him to one of his former idols without ANY sign of hesitation from Scooby’s part (with the exception of the collar scene, but I don’t think that that means the same to Scooby, given how quickly he bounces back)

Scooby tho… hrm. It could be that he’s clinging to the good feelings Brian Falcon inspires in him (by choosing him as the next possible Dynomutt), as a way to overpower how FD&V hurt him, while also building on how he came to love the duo because SHAGGY loved them so much. But the movie doesn’t frame that up… at all?? At least compared to Shaggy.

Idk, maybe I’m missing something, but this scene is a mess through and through

Boooooo

----

Scooby: *tries to leap into Brian Falcon’s arms like he did with Shaggy but falls*

Brian: Uh, what are you doing?

Scooby: Rhaggy never missed.

Damn straight he didn’t

---

oh hey, it’s Captain Caveman

I was wondering when we’d see him.

---

AAAUUGGHH

It’s that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene from the trailers I sobbed over - the one with Shaggy holding Scooby’s collar

Fun fact it actuALLY FADES INTO THE FLASHBACK

THAT WAS NOT A TRAILER THING THAT’S ACTUALLY HERE IN THE MOVIE

---

Oh No

Fred is here, alone, after that whole scene with Dastardly saying he had a use for Fred

...while that’s likely Dastardly in a Fred suit (that sounds creepy just typing it), I’m still going to enjoy this brief but absolutely lovely hug Shaggy and Fred share...

(seriously tho, look at this, it’s a genuinely close, squish-your-lungs-out kind of hug, I love it)

...as well as Shaggy, who's still hurt from his fight with Scooby, immediately gearing up to go help him after hearing Dastardly’s trying to kidnap him.

----

Brian Falcon and Scooby Doo now have to take on Captain Caveman in gladiatorial combat in order to claim the final skull of Cerberus

I love cartoons sometimes

----

Captain Caveman just put the smackdown on Brian Falcon and punched him into the ground up to his CHEST

Then smacked him so far into a wall he cracked the stone around him!

GodDAMN is this satisfying 😆 altho minor question here: how did he gain the rank of Captain? Do cavepeople have a naval force?

---

He just whirled Scooby around his head, then spun him so fast his costume broke off

I may have to look into some Captain Caveman stuff now, that’s fantastic

---

Shaggy and Fred - sorry, “Fred” - just smashed through to the colosseum in the Mystery Machine

And Dynomutt just fired missiles at Captain Caveman to smash him into an Amigara-shaped hole of himself

I REALLY love cartoons sometimes

---

Oh No

Just as Shaggy starts trying to apologize, “Fred” kicks him in the back, rips off his disguise to normal Dastardly self, and kidnaps Scooby atop the skull, before revealing he destroyed the Falcon Fury jet

New tagline for this movie? Shaggy Rogers and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

...at least the rest of the gang is back together?

---

Brian Falcon: *Immediately tries to blame Shaggy for inadvertently leading Dastardly to them, while storming up to get in his face*

Fred: *upon realizing BrianF is blaming Shaggy for everything, without a SINGLE moment’s hesitation, immediately leaps in to defend Shaggy and physically push back Brian Falcon several feet*

We stan one Himbo, theydies and gentlethem

Also?

Velma (sneering): What kind of hero blames other people for his problems? *Walks over to comfort Shaggy with Daphne, while Shaggy looks dumbfounded they’re defending him bc he also blames himself for Scooby’s kidnapping*

This. This right here, is the kind of Mystery gang content I wanna see.

I don’t care how the rest of this movie goes now, this scene right here is ambrosia to the Scooby fan’s soul, and therefore makes this entire movie worth it, outdated memes, lingo, and all

---

Cackling rn - Fred and Brian Falcon are in a point-off a la the Spiderman meme 😂

or, more specifically, the post-credits sequence of Spiderverse where they’re arguing about who started pointing first

It gets better when Velma and Daphne try to pull each other off of their pushing fight, and Velma grumbles “Toxic Masculinity” I’m crying

---

WOAH

More super Shaggy stuff here (apart from being flung through a building roof without a scratch) - he pushes apart both groups effortless, and even knocks them back several feet

If we estimate Dynomutt as… we’ll say 450 since he’s made of metal, Falcon at 220, Dee Dee at 160, that’s about 830 lbs on one side

Then Fred, Daphne and Velma on the other (hmm, 180, 150, 130?) would be around 460 lbs

Dang boi

---

Oh honey no, it’s not your fault

But dang if he didn’t get a good message from it, one I’ve done my best to transcribe here:

“I was afraid that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that Scooby Doo is my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I’m gonna keep that promise! Now it’s time we stopped that mustachioed menace from opening the gates to the {underworld} and letting loose that fearsome {Cerberus}. So what do you say we get out {of here}, and go get my always-snacking, never-lacking, often-napping dog back? Who’s with me?”

Honestly not a bad message for kids. Things will change, people will change, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends. (Obvs real life exceptions apply, but that’s not a bad note honestly)

...shame that that conclusion comes right the FUCK outta nowhere

How, exactly, did he come to this conclusion? WHEN? What inspired him to realize this, what was the impetus for this specific line of thought, that it’s okay for friends to change?

It kinda feels like this should have been either the happy ending speech given after they’ve saved the world, or one at the start of the third act, like if Shaggy arrives when Scooby thinks he’s chased him away and ruined everything, and Shaggy & the gang still save him. And Scooby asks him why he did that - when Scooby tried to change himself to fit what Brian Falcon wanted, instead of treasuring the friend he still had, or maybe why Shaggy reacted the way he did. THEN Shaggy gives the speech we hear, a la:

“I yelled at you because… like, because I was scared. I was scared that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that YOU’RE my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I mean to keep it!”

At least that would make a little more sense to me. Again, not a bad speech, but a little rearranging would help to really hit home.

---

Okay, now we’re back with Dastardly in Greece, and suddenly the background people all look MILES better than the ones at the start of the movie. Did they just forget to polish the first two minutes of film, what the heck?

Also, Dastardly’s ship is literally the entire length of the Greek ruins presented o_O

---

HOLY SHIT THE SKULLS TURNED BACK TIME AND MADE THE RUINS INTO AN ENTIRELY RESTORED PALACE WITH THE GATES OF THE UNDERWORLD BEFORE THEM

They’re also colored a very atmospheric neon arrangement that’s surprisingly quite tasteful ^.^

----

The Mystery Machine can fly now!!! eeheeheeeheeheeheeheeee

----

And so we finally see Cerberus, a massive, towering figure with sharp teeth and pffffffhahahhahaa why are all three heads wearing Spartan helmets

To its credit, they’re also wearing basic body armor, wrist guards, tail spikes, etc, but the helmets are killing me 🤣 who thought to stick that onto the dog? Did Hades forget to remove the armor after winning the Gods’ Pet Costume Contest, or was it like that horse in the ATV costume - it felt safer so it didn’t let anyone take it off?

Or was this a precaution against Herakles coming back? These are questions - hilarious, hilarious questions 😁

---

Awww. Scooby immediately runs to the battered Mystery Machine to rip the doors open for the gang!

And… wait. THIS is where that wonderful hug was in the trailers? I thought that was at the end of the movie when everyone was safe!

This now does not bode well. But we’ll worry about that later. Time to enjoy this gorgeous wonderful hug of the entire gang, and Shag and Scoob apologizing to each other for fighting 🥰

Yet another scene to make the rest of this movie worth the rest

(halfway wanna frame this shit and put it on the wall, it’s that lovely)

----

Fantastic! Dastardly is now in Hell, where I’ve been wishing him this entire movie! :D

And dang… he actually apologizes to what he believes is a dead Muttley. Who is, naturally, snickering at all of this. The two bicker predictably, but eventually hug and make up, too happy to see each other to resort to old habits. Honestly a nice little scene, all-in-all.

---

Back to the gang and they’re doing the glowy eyes in the dark bit! I actually haven’t seen that in a Scooby movie forever, it’s neat.

Also Fred is now going full Liam Neeson over his van, war paint and all, using the tire cover as a shield and… holy shit.

HOLY SHIT

THE ASCOT IS BAAAnnnnnd it’s gone. Boy, that was… short.

Fred just ran full-tilt at Cerberus, screaming like a mad man, before getting flicked away by its big toe, and losing the ascot and makeshift shield. It punched so hard his facepaint came off

It was fun while it lasted y’all

---

Heyyy, Shag and Scoob just came up with the plan, and it’s actually solid! I’m so proud, and so is the rest of the gang! Also willingly going to distract Cerberus while the rest figure out how to close the gate and stuff Cerberus back in

I love my boys 😊

---

Annnnd there goes Brian Falcon like the coward he is

To… call his dad? And admit he isn’t a hero.

Only for Dynomutt to point out Shaggy and Scooby are taking him on and are terrified.

This then cuts to Shaggy and Scooby running around in a chariot and gladiator wear, running back and forth a la the door gag from Cerberus to the OG SDWAY theme

I think I love this movie

(although they’re hinting at Dynomutt being resentful of OG Blue Falcon essentially abandoning him to his incompetent son, and I really wish it had been touched upon more

that’s actually rather heartbreaking, when you stop to think about it, and there’s a lot that could be done with an additional two minutes of screentime)

---

Huh, another good message for kids: it’s okay to fail and be scared, so long as you keep going and try to do what’s right.

Two good messages for kids in one movie. Not too shabby, on the whole.

---

Brian Falcon just flew in and punched the three-headed dog, then jumped into its mouth as it tried to eat Scooby, resisted the MASSIVE JAW STRENGTH, and got them out of there safe and sound

Finally, something heroic!

I was wondering where Dastardly and Muttley got off to - apparently they’re off to take a money bath.

Aight

---

Shag and Scoob have now convinced the Rotten Robots to turn into bowling balls to knock Cerberus off their feet a la the classic marbles pratfall back into the underworld

That is a sentence I just wrote

----

OH FCUK NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT NO

YOU ARE TELLING US THAT AFTER ALL OF THIS - ALL OF THIS - ONE OF THEM HAS TO STAY IN THE UNDERWORLD TO LOCK THE GATE

THAT OCTOBER LEAKER WAS RIGHT WHAT THE HELL

LITERALLY SO

I mean i know its a kids film specifically Scooby Doo so happy ending but what the literal FUCK

---

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGHHH

SHAGGY NOOOO

“Buddy, back when we were kids, you saved me. Now, it’s my turn.”

and he dOES THIS WHILE HOLDING SCOOBY’S HEAD TENDERLY IN HIS HANDS

AND WHEN EVERYTHING REVERTS IT’S JUST RUBBLE AND RUIN AND SCOOBY’S LEFT SOBBING OPENLY AT NOTHING

AND THE GANG ALL COME TO CLING AT HIM AND CRY OVER THEIR FRIEND WHO THOUGHT HE WAS WORTHLESS MOST OF THE MOVIE AND THOUGH THAT THE GANG THOUGHT THE SAME ABOUT HIM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH

---

WELP, TIME TO COPE WITH INAPPROPRIATE HUMOR

Shaggy: I yelled at my dog, got him kidnapped, and ended up helping the bad guy to open the gates to Hell. Guess I’ll die.

Dee Dee: Well actually, this is more Dastardly’s fault because -

Shaggy, yelling as he slams his hand against the lock: GUESS I’LL DIE!!!

----

Ah, so the writers wrote themselves into a corner, and the only way out was a Deus Ex Machina (at least, I think I’m using that term correctly…)

Because to get Shaggy back, a giant statue of Alexander the Great and Peritas appears out of nowhere - literally, since it definitely wasn’t there before - with an inscription Scooby has to read to get Shaggy back.

This would have been a lot more effective if we’d seen it when Dastardly arrived in Greece - maybe even as the marker for where the gate to the Underworld was. Have Alexander facing one way, and Peritas facing the other. You open the gate on Alexander’s side, and come home on Peritas’ side. Having this unfold into the gate gives it more purpose than “magically appears right the fcuk outta nowehere” and you could have a pun with the “backdoor” escape. Everybody wins!

And if that’s too good for ya, how about a brief lingering shot by it at some point as Dastardly flies into Greece, behind where the gate materializes, or directly across from it on the plaza? Maybe have one of the gang kick it after Shaggy leaves, and say ‘This is all your fault! Why would you make something like this?’

It’d still be a magical contrivance, but at least it would make some fcuking SENSE.

(Granted it DID lead to this hilariously ominous shot, so maybe I shouldn’t complain:)

---

Velma: I finally figured out what you guys are! You’re the heart of Mystery Inc.

Me: YEAH BABY! *flips over table* I’VE BEEN SAYING THAT SHIT FOR YEARS AND NOW, I’M FCUKING VALIDATED AT LAAAAAAAAST!

----

Shaggy: *rips off Dastardly’s face to reveal…*

ALL: SIMON COWELL??!?

Me, choking on food: I’m sorry WHAT?!?!?

Velma: *takes off mask again to reveal*

ALL: DICK DASTARDLY?!?

Dastardly: Drat! No one ever goes for the double unmasking.

So I was right all along - Simon Cowell truly was a Dick this entire time.

-----

And so we close on the gang unveiling a Mystery Machine paint job on their official detective agency building, Brian Falcon living the good life as the DJ at their party, the Falcon team gifting a sleek new Mystery Machine to the gang (which honestly looks pretty unique - it’s not the classic, but it is something new that isn’t awful, so kudos there), and the gang on their way to another mystery.

So, at the end of the day is this a good Scooby movie?

Meh? *waves hand in meh motion* But it definitely had its moments.

This Scooby film is flawed as heck, no doubt about it - the plot has a MAJOR problem with telling instead of showing, some parts feeling out of order or WAY too short, and of course the deus ex machina ending. I honestly would have loved some more time for their first mystery as kids, where we actually got more character moments/bonding from Fred, Daphne, and Velma as they solved it the more traditional route, as well as not framing FD&V as super duper mystery solvers right off the bat???

The stuff with Blue Falcon isn’t AWFUL, per se, but it is ridiculously satisfying to see him get smacked around. Captain Caveman was honestly one of the funniest bits in the movie, same with Dynomutt.

As far as the character stuff? It all felt fairly natural, progression-wise. Shag and Scoob don’t have this big break-up with the gang - they’re hurt by the literal Dickhead’s comments the gang don’t speak up against, and go to blow off some steam together. Shag and Scoob don’t have this giant blow-up argument - it builds over the film into a hurt spat they both recognize they overreacted to almost immediately. The gang (FDV) go looking for them almost as soon as they leave, and, upon hearing they’re in danger, turn and head towards them to save them, realizing how important the two are to Mystery Inc along the way. They defend each other, help each other, have some of the Best Dang Animated Mystery Inc hugs I ever did see - THIS feels more like the Gang I’ve been waiting for forever to come back to DTV (and in a rough sense, did). While I do wish we’d gotten more screen time of FD&V, what we got wasn’t too bad.

Weirdly enough, at the end of the day, I’ve actually grown more accustomed to Forte’s Shaggy - it feels like it fits this different style a touch more than I originally thought, and holy hell if I didn’t come close to tears at that ending gate scene, he knocked that one out of the park. Velma still doesn’t feel much like Velma, but I did get used to it by the end. I kept cracking up at Efron’s Fred, and no complaints on Seyfried’s Daphne.

Jason Isaacs as Dick Dastardly absolutely killed it. Blue Falcon Crew was okay (excepting Mark “The Racist” Wahlburg - it was just him talking, no real effort. You could recognize Wahlburg right off the bat, acting as a goofy douche) and freaking Captain Caveman was awesome. Apparently they combined both Billy West and Don Messick’s recordings for Muttley (awesome!!!), so this may very well be Don Messick’s final role in a Scooby Doo film.

It got off to a rough start, but ended well enough. The animation was solid, the writing has some unexpectedly clever and funny moments sprinkled throughout, with some pretty fun action sequences on the side. Watching this, I really do believe that the people working on it love Scooby Doo and all things Hanna-Barbera… at least in their own way.

I ended up buying this instead of just renting it ($5 more, why not) and I am honestly glad I did so. Despite its flaws, it has some great moments with the gang as friends, and I have been Craving That Shit for DECADES

And if these writers/directors ever did another Scooby film? I think I’d be up for giving them a chance - at least so long as we got some more absolutely BEAUTIFUL hugs with the gang

I hope you enjoyed this stream-of-consciousness reaction to SCOOB! (2020)... a whole ass year LATER, admittedly (I didn’t switch my Save Post to Queue, curse my hubris), but hopefully y’all’ve been entertained. Good night everybody!

#scoob!#scoob 2020 #scoob #scooby doo #plush reviews: final thoughts #note to self: never use queue for the big posts

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carltonlassie · 3 years

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2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread love and link each other to awesome works!

@goobzoop thank u for tagging me ily <3 ur my number one woohoo

...... so to be entirely frank i only started writing fics and drawing shit in 2020. I guess there were attempts like 10 years ago, but then it never really went anywhere and my English probably sucked back then lol idk. So this will be a cool record of what I’ve done this year and a celebration of more stuff to come ahh

I would tag sum peeps before the cut so u don’t have to read below if u don’t want to, but the only person i know that comes to my mind who creates content is @jawnwicks. I see grendel creating things but I don’t know him personally..... i am always looking respectfully though. But anyone! If u see this feel free to do one and tag me! I wanna see :)

📼 Bow Chicka Wow Wow [Shawn/Lassiter, Psych]

My first ever published Psych fic 🥰 I read through this again (even though I’ve vowed to never read my fics again bc... what if it’s embarassing) and it’s actually hilarious. I think I’m hilarious. I don’t know where the idea came from and who wrote it, but it’s a solid story. The pacing is pretty good too and there’s enough details I think to get the story going. Also goobzoop’s accompanying art is so good. 10/10

🍊Orange Creamsicle [Shawn/Gus, Psych]

I know Shawn/Gus isn’t a popular pairing, but I absolutely believe that Shawn would just be like, wanna blowjob? And give Gus the most amazing blowjob he’s ever gotten. And he’d be completely nonchalant about it too skskdfs. Also I have such a hard time writing oneshots and endings, and i think this was a pretty solid attempt at both of them. I think the ending could have used more care but like eh, it’s out it’s good.

👔 Drawing of Professor Hotchner [Reid/Hotch, Criminal Minds]

When I read the first few exposition chapter of @goobzoop’s fic I was like holy....... i can literally imagine the scene and i just had to draw it. I think this is one of my first proper drawings involving people too. I remember i was trying out different brushes and just kinda seeing how it goes... and i was like hm, how do u background... and just slathered colors until it looked serviceable haha.

🩲Drawing of Pinup Lassie [Psych]

I absolutely think this is hilarious. Lassie with a bootyshort. It’s so wild because the drawing just kinda came out in one sitting and i was surprised that i drew it afterwards. I got a new brush set and i finally found a brush i liked so i guess i was in the zone. I absolutely think they should make a psych episode where it’s full of bad porn tropes such as this drawing. Anyways. If you’re interested in the time lapse video, here it is! I still think it’s wild that i drew that even as I’m watching the time lapse video. WHy can’t i draw stylized characters like this anymore. Why must i go through a faux-realism phase. Idk

💭 Mr. Monk and The Dream [Monk/Stottlemeyer, Monk]

And I think as the final one, I Have to mention the fic that started it all. My first ever published fic. I was so scared to post this since this was for Monk who’s canonically against anything sex or anything that involves touching other people’s body or exchanging bodily fluids lmao... I remember posting all seven chapters at once and bailing because i was so scared of reviews haha. But the response I’ve gotten was so good and i was so encouraged by everyone who left such nice comments <3. All I remember was that I kept on having this scene playing in my head, and more scenes kept on coming and coming until it HAD to be written. I published it late July, but I must have started it around April or so. I wrote the entire fic on my phone, lying in bed past 4am, 5am, until there were birds chirping outside. Unhealthy, but we were all going thru unprecedented times and quarantines lmfao.

So you somehow made it all the way down here! Here’s the stats on all the written work that I’ve accomplished in 2020. Wild

I still don’t really know stuff about writing and I’m learning every day, I just write in a style I like to read, what is worldbuilding and what is consistency and POV. Idk, i just work here. I still have absolutely no idea how to tag things on AO3, but keeping the spreadsheet above is helping me with continuity and avoiding plot holes, and honestly just getting motivated to actually do things because i love completing tasks and putting lil check marks and labels on them haha monkey brain go boop booop

#year end review of sooj’s nonsense #this is cool tho i might do this yearly to hype myself up

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warwaged-archive · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @theharellan ty so much! tagging: if you read this entire post I’m tagging you

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. Velanna is minor enough there isn’t a lot of talk about her either way (and I get it, given she’s a dlc character from Origins it’s understandable not as many people even know her), but I definitely see more dislike towards her than appreciation.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. Honestly do not know! I have seen Debates about her personality and actions, but I don’t recall seeing people comment on her looks.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. Not particularly as far as I’ve seen, though I haven’t seen people say she’s weak either. Tbf given her introduction has you investigating murders that no one seems to think were caused by a single person and she literally turns a forest against those who pass through it, I think it’s hard to deny she is strong, though.

Are they underrated? YES! / NO / IDK. Like I said, there’s very little talk about her at all, and very little appreciation. Velanna deserves more love c’:

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO. She isn’t relevant for the story of any of the main games, given she isn’t even in any of them askdjfnskndf She is relevant to Awakening’s story, given she causes some trouble on the road to Amaranthine, and that’s how you meet her. You can kill her on that encounter, though, so for the rest of it she’s not essential (but killing her is boring guys why would you)

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. In a way, since she’s causing some of the problems the Warden-Commander has to solve. Other than that, it truly depends on how you play it.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. Nope. Just a Dalish gal who became a Grey Warden.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. I lean towards neutral because Velanna isn’t a widely discussed character either way, but I would say it leans towards bad. Many people dislike her actions, and many more dislike her for her harsh ways towards the PC in the beginning (a non-dalish PC, that is). Velanna is very opinionated and angry and a lot of people seem to think that makes her annoying. A bad take imo but I think that’s pretty obvious dkfasndkfjanskdfjn

How strictly do you follow canon? — For the most part I follow it, only expanding it for what we haven’t seen and filling the blanks.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — I don’t know how to sell her to others so I will just talk a bit about what made her interesting to me. When you meet her, she’s so angry she’s been terrorizing the road and nearby villages so much people don’t even know what (what, not who) is responsible for the bloodshed. If you don’t bother to get to know her, it’s easy to think she’s just the anger, but if you do, eventually you learn a lot that might not justify her actions but makes them understandable, and that she’s so much more than Angry™. Velanna cares so much! For the Dalish, and preserving their magic and culture; for her clan, in spite of the fact her sister was the only friend she ever had; for her Keeper, even though they parted on bad terms; for Seranni, even after she chooses to leave with the Darkspawn instead of leaving with her. She’s outspoken and a great defender of her people, but not in a blind or arrogant way, and not in a way that causes her to inherently resent humans (it’s not history that causes that, but her own experience with having humans act violent against her clan and prefer to destroy the land to drive them away than attempt peaceful coexistence). She’s not driven by personal retribution, but by a relentless pursuit of justice that indeed is twisted into something more akin to vengeance. She acts on anger but she learns to be better. She’s been an outcast all her life, well before becoming the only Dalish in her group of Wardens, and she learned to be harsh to defend herself. She’s not easy to love, but she’s capable of loving deeply, and her loyalty to those dear to her is unwavering. She can be harsh because she’s so used to keeping people away in self defense, even if she’s lonely, even if it’s clear all it takes to get past that is treating her with kindness and respect. Velanna has a good heart, but that doesn’t mean she’s only capable of good.

In game, her growth depends on the PC of course, but the way I see it (and write her) there is no reason why her connections to other characters, such as Sigrun and Nathaniel, wouldn’t be just as important for it. They allow her to see beyond her anger, to move past her resent, and to stop judging people as if they were all equally bad. She goes from someone terrorizing humans in a forest and nearby road to someone who selflessly stands to defend them, even should it cost her own life. She goes from joining the Wardens as a means to finding her sister to actually taking on the role and its duties, not just as in fighting the darkspawn, but in being a protector.

And the way she values history, but not just the actual facts, the tales and legends and culture, how she understands their place as something of great importance definitely helped a lot in endearing her to me. According to Velanna, "Stories connect us to our past. They shape a people in profound ways. Without them, we are lost.” and I think about that a lot you know? It really gets to me c’:

Also she’s an awesome powerful mage who could and has killed a man (uh many men actually) but who blushes and stutters if you call her pretty because what are compliments she is not prepared to deal with those

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — Velanna killed people so she’s evil and deserves no forgiveness ever (which isn’t always similarly applied to other characters BUT ANYWAYS). She’s angry and mean towards the protagonist and because of that she’s not cool. She’s whining about the Dalish all the time too so she’s just annoying. Also I never tried to talk to her and often don’t even leave her alive after the Wending Wood. aidsnfkajsdnfkjn seriously though, I can see why people might not like her, as she isn’t made to be likable initially and you gotta get past that to get to the more interesting bits. Velanna is indeed very much tied to her Dalish background, as it is not only her culture and origin, but also a great motivator for her actions, and often even the means through which you get to know her, so if you’re not interested in the Dalish I guess she wouldn’t be an interesting character (but imo, it’s only natural her culture is so important to who she is, given her background and her own feelings about her people. she’s so proud of her heritage, even if being part of that people makes her a target for no other reason than prejudice. even then, she’s so proud of it and so ready to fight for and defend her people and speak and stand for them! I just love her a lot but ok I realize I should be talking about why people might not like her so let’s get back to that). She’s not funny, she’s not friendly, and she’s actually rather angry and outspoken, and I feel like that ends up pushing her to the more ‘controversial’ side instead of being part of the popular or likable characters.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — Literally just played Awakening and ended up like OH I WANNA WRITE ONE OF THEM and I wasn’t sure about who. It wasn’t clear to me, at least, so I ended up thinking about them and at first I was like hm maybe Nathaniel, but it didn’t feel right even though he was the first one I thought I wanted to write. So I thought about Velanna, and the more I thought about her the more invested I became so I was like yeah that’s the one and added her here aksjdnfkjasndf

The first thing that got me really invested in her while playing was the conversation you have with her when you gift her the diary. I just really love her talking about the Dalish and preserving what they have and how important and meaningful stories are. That said, the moment I met her in the Wending Wood I immediately wanted to get to know her.

I’m just a big fan of elves in case you guys haven’t noticed yet asksjnfsjkdnfkdjfn

What keeps your inspiration going? — replaying DA, but specially Awakening, Dragon Age content in general, discussing her with others (talking about my muses is always very helpful to me in that sense), and honestly, others being interested on her too. Discussions about the Dalish or headcanons or other people discussing Dragon Age and their respective characters also help my motivation too tbh! I’m always the slowest to answer to anything, but that’s just how I always am. Those are all things that keep my love for her alive, and thus great part of my inspiration for her.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I TRY!

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? when the inspiration hits I literally cannot shut up

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. I’m usually more about them 5 page headcanons and threads and ask answers than drabbles

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO. she lives in my head rent free (as do most if not all of my muses tbh askdfnaksdf)

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF?

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Depends but not usually askndfkajs

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO / SORTA.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — Depends on what that criticism is and if I asked for it? aksjdfnkjfn I do ask about my portrayals sometimes, and in that case I’m open to constructive criticism --- if there’s something you think I could do better and you can explain why in a nice way, I’ll definitely listen (though I may disagree, so there’s that). But if it comes down to rudeness or ‘you’re not writing her like I think she is’ then well that’s not my problem, I write her how I understand and interpret her.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — I LOVE THEM! Send me questions about my muses literally any time I absolutely love them!!

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — Depends, again. I’m not against discussing it, hearing what other people have to say and why they disagree (and if they say they disagree, I’d probably want to know why), but ultimately, again, it’s my portrayal so it might just be a case of seeing things differently. Like I said, I don’t mind discussing it, though.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — As to this, I just honestly expect people to act the same way I act when I disagree with someone’s portrayal, which is just moving on with my life and not interacting kasjafksdnfjk

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — Depends. They don’t have to like the character, but if it influences IC interactions or if it’s just people who hate a character getting off of bashing them through IC interactions even if it doesn’t make sense that’s a no for me. I don’t like seeing people hating on characters I love, but people are free to do post what they will. If there’s a tag and I can block it that’s fine by me, if it isn’t tagged I’m likely to unfollow.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — If it’s done politely I don’t mind. English is not my first language and learning about errors is a way to improve, to me.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — I think? For the most part? I do tend to get defensive over characters I love and asks that aren’t clear in tone and come across not so nicely (OOC asks, I mean), but other than that I think I’m pretty chill? Idk though you guys tell me aksnkajdsfnkjan

#* muse: velanna / STORYTELLER.#* out of character: the mun / THAT GLOOMY GIRL WHO SIGHS A LOT?#dash games tag tbd.#this was very fun tbh #thanks for tagging <3 #sorry for taking forever aksjndfkjasdnf

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today-only-happens-once · 5 years

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Roman’s Arc: It’s Continuation in “Selfishness v. Selflessness”

I’ve seen a few posts over recent months talking about Roman Sanders’ character arc. Many of them discuss the arc as if it is something yet to come, rather than actively in progress, and I’d like to take a moment to present and discuss the idea that Roman’s arc has been unfolding gradually over the course of several videos. I think the newest video, “Selfishness v. Selflessness” is evidence of that.

This post is mostly about analyzing Roman’s development in the newest video with regards to the arc I’ve seen developing for quite some time. It’s probably my my favorite analysis I’ve written, because I felt like I was discovering as I wrote it. Without further ado, let’s begin.

Roman is the first of the Sides to appear in this video, and for good reason. Thomas announces that he has a movie audition with Alfred Hitchcopalukas movie. In many ways, the beginning of this episode hearkens back to “I’M IN A DISNEY SHOW!!”. Celebratory, excited, and barely able to contain himself.

Undoubtedly--from the very beginning--we know this opportunity means a great deal to Roman. We see that very clearly in Roman’s reaction to this moment,:

Deceit: Do you want the part in the movie or not?

But what’s telling, I think, is that Roman doesn’t speak for Thomas at first. It’s not until Thomas hesitates--and Deceit presses Thomas again with “Do you want the part or not?”--that Roman jumps in with “Of course he does!”

He then goes on, after some back and forth with Patton and Deceit, to try to defend his perspective:

Roman: I mean... things come up, you know? If Thomas’s Aunt Patty were in the hospital, then he would get a free pass to miss the wedding. Why should it be any different when something good comes up?

It’s important to note here that Roman--at this point--isn’t advocating for lying. When Deceit says that he likes Roman’s “Aunt Patty in the hospital excuse”, Roman’s response is “oh, I-I wasn’t--” before he’s cut off, indicating that he probably didn’t mean for that to be an excuse, but rather an example of something that would get Thomas that “free pass”. However...

Deceit is nothing if not observant, and he certainly is manipulative. In many ways, he’s already begun his attempts to manipulate the Sides but he seems particularly interested in manipulating Roman. We see threads of this begin in the overlapping dialogue:

Roman and Deceit: What about us?

Patton and Virgil: What about us?

Deceit: Wow, guys, it’s so cool how you never listen to Roman.

Virgil: Why is he still here?!

Roman: Why am I still here?

Deceit: Wow.

Virgil: I meant Deceit.

And, in fact, Virgil’s question comes to be a major one to ask. When Deceit points out that his very presence--and the fact that he is still there--suggests something about Thomas, Roman seems to take particular interest in that:

And then he’s thrust into the role of Judge. Throughout much of the trial, Roman seems to have this thick bravado on. Big gesturing, loud voice, humor delivered at not always appropriate times (”HEYO” for example). He buys into Deceit’s flattery--which once again reminds us of “Can Lying Be Good?”--time and again such as the following example:

Deceit [to Patton]: ‘Roman’? It’s ‘Your Honor’ to you.

Roman: Hm. Sustained.

This bravado is something that has been abundantly clear in previous videos, especially as Roman and the Sides have worked to let him release it. To speak to this point, I’d like to briefly turn back to “Learning New Things About Ourselves”, particularly Roman’s second section of “Incomplete”:

Roman: I’ve got an issue that feels new school. I don’t want to say I’m too cool, but I’m just too fab for you fools and I feel like you don’t get me.

Thomas: You insulted us while venting.

Roman: Sorry--

Thomas: It’s all right, Princey. Honestly, it didn’t hurt me. It’s clear you’re the one that’s hurting.

Virgil: You feel low.

Roman: That’s not true.

Patton: It’s okay.

Roman: Don’t assume.

Thomas: You don’t need to save face

Virgil: In almost any case

T, V, P: We embrace you.

Roman: That’s rich.

Virgil: No one hates you.

[emphasis added]

Where we first saw a crack in Roman’s facade during the Crofters video, LNTAO was really the first time we see Roman being allowed to let down those walls. This is the first time he’s specifically called out for his bravado (”you don’t need to save face”). And in both the end of LNTAO and Embarassing Phases, we see Roman relaxing that bravado a bit:

Logan: You’re all better now, right, Roman?

Roman: Maybe not. But I’ll not shy away from it any longer.

-Learning New Things About Ourselves

Roman: That absolutely defeated me. I couldn’t cope with the fact that we weren’t on the same level as all the other incredible cosplayers at the cons you attended.

Patton: Aw, that was big of you to admit, Roman.

-Embarrassing Phases

But Roman pulls the bravado back on in Selfishness v. Selflessness. In many ways, this doesn’t come as a surprise, as painful as it is to see happen. Roman’s intense, deep desire for Thomas to pursue the callback audition over the wedding is held back only by the understanding that Thomas may not make that decision. Roman is aware that he may come out of this conversation devastated. And the first time we see a real crack in that bravado is the second he’s in the witness stand:

Deceit: Your name is Roman, correct?

Roman: The one and lonely.* What? Freudian slip.

[*Quick side-tangent that this line, in addition to being a crack in Roman’s bravado, may also foreshadow what Thomas confesses later on the stand himself in regards to why he doesn’t want to go to the wedding.]

Roman is holding onto this bravado with both hands, even lying through his teeth initially to do it. In his effort--at first--to avoid being perceived as hurt, when Patton asks how he’d feel if Liza Minelli canceled on his wedding, his first response is to say, “wouldn’t bother me. Her not being there doesn’t change the fact that it’s my big day.” It’s only when Patton asks him again that Roman confesses “SO I would be devastated”.

However, Roman then goes on to assert his own opinion on the issue so as to encourage Thomas to choose the audition over the wedding. I think some of this is because Roman feels conflicted in his own right. He evidently wants Thomas to go to the audition instead of the wedding--he blatantly says so. However, it’s important also to keep in mind that in the first Sides video, Roman’s gut response to identifying fears was “rejection” and he has--historically--expressed a deep concern with how others perceive and regard him; this is especially true with regards to Thomas, as was seen in “Am I Original?”

Roman: No! If I can’t come up with an original idea, what will you think of me? I can’t... let you down.

Roman is held in a tension here between what he wants and the fear that if Thomas chooses otherwise, it will be devastating. I argue that this is why we get the following exchange while Thomas himself is on the stand being questioned by Deceit:

Deceit: Roman wants me to win, so...

Roman: Wha--What? Me? No. [scoffs] Come on.

Deceit: I know you’re lying, Roman. Like I said: everything has a purpose. And you’re denying yours. You want that callback so bad and it will crush you if we miss it.

And here is a shattering of the awkwardly worn bravado that Roman had tried to hard to put forward again. And once Roman’s has been ripped away from him, it doesn’t take long for Thomas to fall apart:

Thomas: Fine! I wanna go to the callback! I was planning on playing WordCrush on my phone during the wedding ceremony to keep my mind off the fact that I’m single. I don’t want to go. I’m afraid to go. And on top of that, a dream come true fell into my lap scheduled on the same day. Anyone would want to go to the callback. So yeah. I tried to force myself to forget about the wedding. And now I wanna lie to my friends so they don’t hate me for not supporting them. I am a liar. I’m a liar.

A lot of that monologue from Thomas speaks back to Roman. Roman’s “slip” that he’s lonely is a direct tie to Thomas’s desire to “keep [his] mind off the fact that [he’s] single”. The identification that the callback is “a dream come true” also connects directly to Roman not only because it’s in alignment with his personal desire for Thomas’s decision, but the specific language used in that phrasing “dream come true” is both fanciful and romantic--linking it directly to Roman.

And then Roman surprises us: his “punishment” for Thomas is to miss the callback, and instead attend the wedding. When Deceit demands a reason, we see Roman’s bravado has completely evaporated. He’s quiet. Solemn. Understated.

Roman: It’s my sworn duty to help Thomas achieve his hopes and dreams. But Thomas wouldn’t dream of attaining his hopes through deceitful means.

If I might put that into slightly different wording--as we’ve seen Roman describe himself as Thomas’s “hopes [and] dreams” in “Am I Original?”--Roman has come to understand that Thomas wouldn’t want him to become more like Deceit. Roman doesn’t want Thomas to achieve everything they’ve dreamed of only to arrive at the conclusion that he is, as Thomas claimed himself to be, “a liar”.

And once that facade has been lowered, Roman keeps it lowered.

Deceit: And you want that stuff makes you happy, right?

Patton: Do I!

Roman: Do I.

There is no illusion here--Roman’s punishment pains him to do. But he places the needs of everyone else above his own. Roman is beginning to release the mentality and bravado that made him claim “I’m the most important Side here!” in Learning New Things About Ourselves, and ask Thomas to forgo basic human needs in the name of dream-chasing in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed In the Morning?”.

Roman lets that brave face stay lowered through the end of the video (except the moment where he glares at Deceit when he says “there are smarter ways to get people to do what you want”), and it concludes with an extremely important moment between Thomas and Roman:

Thomas: Roman, I just, ah... I wanna thank you for helping to set me straight despite the cost. I... know that that wasn’t easy for you.

Roman: It wasn’t. But you’re welcome.

And this--this moment of honesty and humility here--is a huge, monumental moment for Roman and his growth.

Where this arc may yet continue to lead is TBD at the current moment. But Roman is growing and learning, and I think he’ll be moving forward with fewer blinders as it pertains to Deceit. I don’t think Roman will be so easily manipulated in the future--and I’ll be interested in what that may suggest about Roman’s honesty with himself as his character arc continues to develop.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides meta #sanders sides analysis #roman sanders analysis #selfishness v selflessness #ts spoilers #sanders sides spoilers #i spent like almost 3 hours working on this #honestly bless you if you read this because i know its long #but i hope you found it interesting!

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hellfirenacht · 5 years

Text

Can’t Be Unseen Chapter 2

Fandom: Sally Face

Ship: Sal Fisher x Reader

Chapter 2 Summary: Feed the boy, woo the boy, romance the boy. That’s only 3 things, how hard could it be?

First Chapter

Next Chapter

Ao3

It was warmer than it had been in the last few days as you stood outside the apartment building. Your jacket was wrapped around your waist instead of over your shoulders, which was fine with you. It'd give a better view of the outfit that you had picked out for the day. You hoped he liked it. You hoped he even noticed it. You weren't one for dressing up at school too much- it was too much work for too early in the morning.

You looked at your phone to check the time. It was 10 minutes 'til one. You still had a little bit of time before Sal showed up.

"Hey there."

Or not. Right, Sally was a good guy who actually showed up early to things like this. It was one of the things you really liked about him- he was never ever late. You smiled at him and looked him over. He was still wearing his usual outfit of a black long sleeved shirt and his ripped jeans but today he had let his hair down and was wearing a beanie today.

"Hey there." you replied. "No pigtails today?"

Sal shook his head. "Larry got me this hat, but it's a bit awkward to wear pigtails at the same time."

"That's ok, you look great." you winked at him. "I'm pretty lucky."

"Heh, thanks." his voice sounded a little flustered and you couldn't help but feel a little proud.

"Shall we?" you asked offering your hand, and to your surprise he took it.

"Let's go!"

...

The festival was just a few blocks from the apartment building, in the nearby park. It was bigger than you had thought it'd be- from a distance you could see a Ferris wheel, and the smell of popcorn and corn dogs wafted through the air. You thought back to your plan and imagined all the things that you were going to do with Sal today.

You were gonna romance the shit out of this boy.

"There's a lot of people here already" Sal commented, looking around. He was right, there were a ton of people here, and a lot of them were dressed up in costumes. It was the Saturday before Halloween and a lot of the parents in town were using this opportunity to let their kids get candy and dress up beforehand, as Halloween was gonna fall on a Tuesday this year.

"Maybe we should have dressed up." you suggested, feeling a little disappointed that you hadn't thought of it earlier.

Sal just shrugged. "Most people think I'm just wearing a mask anyway." he turned his head towards you. "You're the one that sticks out like a sore thumb."

You couldn't help but laugh. "And Sally Face goes in for the kill! And just what are you gonna say when some kid asks what you're supposed to be?"

He thought for a second. "I'll just tell them I'm a serial killer. You said it yourself, I'm Jason chic."

"The Sally Face Killer, huh? Kinda has a nice ring to it, like a good creepy pasta or campfire story."

"Who do you think I'd kill?" he asked. "If I'm gonna go with this, I gotta make it convincing."

"Oh you killed everyone in the apartments." you replied matter-of-factly. "You just went crazy one night and totally snapped and killed everyone because of... I don't know... Cthulhu or something."

"That doesn't make much sense."

"It's a scary story, it doesn't have to make too much sense. You gotta suspend your disbelief." you smiled.

You two continued chatting as you took your time walking around the fairground. All around you kids were playing pretend, adults were tasting some home brew ciders, and all the colors of fall and Halloween surrounded you. Even with Sal's sky blue hair, he fit in perfectly with everyone. No one was staring at him, well, except for you.

You watched him closely as you walked around. With his prosthetic and one good eye, he could be hard to read outside of his voice, but that was a small challenge that you loved. Reading his body language had been an important factor these past few weeks. He was a very squirmy and antsy guy when it came down to it. There was always some part of him moving- from tapping his pencil when he was concentrating to talking with his hands when he was especially excited about something. Larry once mentioned that he'd make a great mime if he ever decided to not talk.

Sal stopped for a moment and looked around, his eye landing on a small booth in the corner. Following his gaze, you spotted what he was looking at- a booth selling fresh made applesauce. This couldn't have been more perfect, you knew for a fact that applesauce was one of his favorite foods. He had confessed that he liked it originally because it was a food that he could more easily eat with his prosthetic on.

"That smells amazing." you said. "Wanna go grab some?"

His hand tightened slightly around yours for a moment, giving it a small squeeze. "I didn't have lunch." he admitted. "I got wrapped up in practicing before I realized what time it was."

"Well, lucky for you we are at a place with a ton of food. Come on, let's get some applesauce, my treat."

There were several different flavors to choose from, the lady running the booth explained. The apples were fresh picked from a few towns over, and some of it was being made at the booth.

"I've never had warm applesauce before." Sal admitted, before a spoon was shoved towards him.

"Have a sample, dear." the lady said, not taking no for an answer.

Sal awkwardly fumbled with the spoon for a moment before unclasping the lower strap of his face.

"This is really good!" he said with slight surprise.

"We'll take two." You told the lady, handing over the cash.

"Thank you." Sal said, as you two walked away with your treats.

"It's no problem. I gotta show my date a good time." you winked at him.

He replied by shoving another spoonful of applesauce into his mouth.

The next few hours were simple, walking around and chatting while stopping at different booths to taste and eat all the different carnival foods. You two compared notes, and had a slightly heated debate on which fall flavor was better. Sal liked apple cinnamon, you were a sucker for pumpkin spice. Though you were generous with buying a lot of the treats that you split, you did allow him to buy you two bottles of water and some crazy straws. You knew he wouldn't have been comfortable if you had been the only one spending money, even if he was a little bit on the completely broke side.

Phase 1: Feed the Boy was complete, it was time for Phase 2: Woo the boy.

Wooing in this case meant taking him over to the games and winning him a stuffed animal. You had considered going to the rides first, but after all the food that you two had ingested it was probably a bad idea.

"What is that?" Sal suddenly asked, stopping in front of a booth. "Please tell me you're seeing this too, and that it's just not me."

It didn't take long to find what he was staring at- it was a large stuffed cat, seemingly shaped like a specific cartoon character mascot, except the colors were all wrong. It was green and red and yellow with... the Sanity Falls logo on the stomach?

"That is an atrocity against God." You said in awe.

"I want it."

As if he needed to ask, really. Within seconds the two of you were seated at the booth, water guns in hand. No matter what the outcome, Sal was getting that stupid, beautiful, ugly cat.

"Let's do this." He said lining up his shot as the two of you attempted to fill the cardboard clowns mouth with water. Had this not been a high steaks mission, you'd make a dirty joke about this, but it wasn't the time. There was a hideous cat to be won.

Both of your guns stopped working at the same time. Sal had won.

"You can pick any of the prizes on this wall." The guy running the booth said.

"What do I need to do to get that cat?" Sal replied, pointing to the other side of the booth.

"Win three times."

You slammed a few more dollars on the table. "I'm in."

"You really don't have to!" Sal replied as he received a small stuffed pink alligator. It was ugly, but you wanted only the most ridiculous for your hopefully-soon-to-be boyfriend.

"We can't just leave him here!" you said. "Can you imagine that dumb thing stuck here for weeks with no heavy metal to listen to?"

Sal saw that this wasn't a battle that he could win. This was your hill to die on, and he sat back down next to you.

You won this time, that was a good sign, Sal winning a second time. You felt like the guy should have given it to you by the fourth play through where you won, seeing as it was obvious that the two of you were together but no such luck. You supposed he had to make money some way.

All you needed to do was win one more time, and the cat would be yours. And by yours you meant his.

Mid game, Sal caught your eye, his water gun jerked slightly to the left, clearly missing for a few seconds before steadying itself back.

Sal was letting you win, the smug jerk!

You wanted to be offended but you also wanted to laugh. He was letting you win so that you could get the prize! You doubt he even realized that the reason you wanted it so bad was so that you could give it to him!

Three minutes later, the guy running the booth was handing you the large stuffed cat.

"He's even weirder up close." Noted Sal, looking him over.

"What are you gonna name him?" you asked, handing him the stuffie.

"Me?"

"Yeah you, I won him for you, you know." you said with a smile.

"But you're the one who paid for all the games. How much money did you spend at that stand?"

"Don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to." You replied with a hand wave.

"...."

"Hm, if it means that much to you, we'll do joint custody. You get him during the week, and I'll take him on Thursdays or something." You tried to negotiate.

That seemed to allow Sal to relax. "I think I can live with that. Though I hope Gizmo is okay with me bringing him home a little brother."

You took his hand again, this time lacing your fingers together. "Knowing your cat, he'll be fine."

...

LarryFace: hows the date going?

BlankFace: I think it's going well! I fed him applesauce and won him the best stuffed animal ever!

Blankface sent Pic_253

LarryFace: aww man I'm jealous :(

BlankFace: You should be ;D

...

AshleyFace: Hey! How are you doing today?

SallyFace: oh, I'm good! i'm hanging out at the fall festival today

AshleyFace: Hot date?

SallyFace: haha she's acting like it is, it's kinda nice actually

AshleyFace: what do you mean "acting like" ...?

SallyFace: g2g, about to go check out the stage!

...

"Come on! I wanna make sure you get a good view!" you said, practically dragging Sally behind you.

"Why? What's gonna be on stage?" Sal asked.

"Something that I think you're gonna get a kick out of." you replied, smiling back at him.

Sal wasn't one to argue with you at this point; you had been doing such a good job at making sure he had fun that he trusted you with whatever plans you had come up with. He gripped onto you hand tighter as you two weaved through the lawn towards the front of the stage.

"Looks like they're just about to start." you looked over at him with a shit-eating grin as the two person band with acoustic guitars took the stage. They started playing a slow melody before they familiar lyrics played.

Concealed behind the screens

An obsession obscene

Abandon our souls as we become

Machine

Sal froze and stared at the stage for a moment, jerking his head between you and the band in front of you two.

"No." he said after a moment more of them playing.

"Yes"

"There's no way."

"Oh yes way there is."

"This isn't-"

"An acoustic Sanity’s Fall cover band? Oh yes it is."

You heard Sal snort from under his prosthetic. "Sanity’s Fall was not meant to be played like this."

"I don't know, I kinda like it. I can actually understand what they're saying." you teased, wrapping an arm around his waist and holding him as close as you dared. You didn't want to be too forward and made him uncomfortable. To your delight he didn't pull away or tense up.

"You still think I can play better than these guys, right?" he asked.

"Dude, of course. You fuckin' shred."

That was good enough for Sal, as he turned his attention back to the stage, occasionally making a comment about how the band had transposed from electric to acoustic or about how one song didn't make any sense unless you can head bang to it. You smiled and allowed yourself to watch him, glad that you were on the same side as his glass eye- it gave you an easier time to watch without him noticing.

A few songs later and the cover band left the stage. In a weird way, it had been a nice compromise to Larry's original idea of taking Sally to a real SF concert. Plus getting to see all the confused parents and adults around the stage really made it work.

"So, is there anything you want to do?" you asked him as you both left the stage area.

"I thought you had all the plans." Sal teased.

"Oh, I do." you reassured him. "I had to leave room for 'let my date choose something to do', you know."

"So I can pick anything?" he asked.

"Anything at all."

"I want you to get your face painted."

That surprised you. "Really? I mean, sure if you want me too, but why?"

"I can tell that you feel a little left out that you aren't dressed up for Halloween." he admitted. "I want you to feel happy, too."

That dumb boy made your heart melt on the spot. How was he able to see through you like that? He started leading you to the face paint station, and shoved some money at the lady before you even had a chance to protest.

"What'll it be?" they asked.

You took a look at their board, and pointed to a picture of a girl with the top of her face as a pumpkin looking mask. You didn't want a full face, especially something on your mouth.

Sal watched with amusement as the lady went to work turning you into a pumpkin. Halfway through he snapped a pic and sent it to the group chat.

SallyFace sent Pic_003

LarryFace: its the great pumpkin charlie face!

...

AshleyFace: Hey Larry, I think there might be a problem with the date

LarryFace: what u mean?

AshleyFace: I don't think Sal realizes this is an actual date.

LarryFace: what?? hes gotta! i even gave him the heads up that she wanted to take him on a date!

AshleyFace: ???? What exactly happened?

LarryFace: well me and sally face were talking about dates and he said hed never been on one and i said that she had been thinking about asking him on a date cause she wanted to give him a good first date

AshleyFace: Dammit Larry, don't meddle in these kinds of things! I think you gave Sal the idea that this is some sort of fake date!

LarryFace: oh fuck knuckles

...

"What do you think?" you asked, smiling at Sal and batting your eyelashes.

"I think it's cute!" he replied. "They did a great job with the shading."

"Thanks for doing this for me, by the way. That was very sweet of you."

"It's only fair, you won me this cat."

"Then I guess we're even right now. But I'm gonna win."

"Win what?"

"Your heart, of course." you said with an easy grin. You wished you had a better idea of what was going through his head. Normally you could gauge how well your flirting went over by how pink his ears turned, but with him wearing the hat, you didn't have much to go off of.

The sun was starting to set at this point, even though it was barely 5 pm. Though it had only been a few hours, it felt so much shorter and yet so much longer. You tightened your grip on his hand slightly, knowing that with his singular eye he wasn't a huge fan of walking around at night in a crowd. There were a lot more older people here now that it was getting darker- a lot of the parents must have decided to take the kids home.

You thought back to everything you saw online about the festival, trying to decide if it'd be better to go on rides now or start looking around at some of the art tents.

"I've never been on a Ferris wheel." Sal offered, suddenly. It was almost as if he was reading your mind, that or he was trying to change the subject from your previous flirting.

"Wanna ride?" you asked, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively. He let out a small laugh.

"It looks like it could be fun."

The two of you stood in line for a good 45 minutes before you were able to get on. You two had discussed tapping out, but both of you decided that you were too invested at this point. It was okay though, it was still a good time to talk and flirt with him.

Once you two were on the ride, it quickly became apparent at how rickety and unsafe this whole thing felt. There was nothing to stop either of you from falling except for a metal bar and Gods' Will. As your cart went up one to let the next people on the ride, you suddenly remembered something very important, and you gripped at the handle bar tightly.

"Wow, this thing sure is janky. Hey, are you okay?" Sal asked.

"Fine." you replied quickly and tensely as the Ferris wheel moved upwards again.

"You don't seem fine."

"...I may have just remembered that I am not really a super huge fan of being anywhere except for on the ground." you admitted, not wanting to really say-

"You're afraid of heights?"

Dammit Sally Face.

"And you know that feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster and you go over a hump and your stomach does that thing where it drops?" you asked, he nodded. "Not a huge fan of that either."

"Is that why you always decline going on roller coasters with me and Larry?" Sal asked, as you two moved up once again. You couldn't help but nod.

"Sorry. I lied. I'm not actually as hard core as you two." You gave him a weak smile, going up once more, almost to the top now.

He reached out and place his hand on top of one of yours. "It's okay. I won't tell anyone." You two were now at the top, the sun shining directly behind Sal's head making him look like an angel.

What kind of romantic bullshit was this? You were supposed to be wooing him, not the other way around! But still, it let you relax a bit as the two of you moved down one. Everyone was now on the ride and it was time to start spinning for real.

The first go-round was the worst, but it got easier after that. The whole time Sal pointed out different things that he could make out to distract you, and by the time the ride was over you had found yourself having fun, even if it was on a spinning death machine.

Your legs were a bit shaky as you two exited the ride, but you were smiling wide. "I didn't completely hate it and it's all thanks to you, Sally Face."

"I knew you could do it." This time he took your hand, and your heart raced for a moment.

Together you went on a few more rides. Despite your lack of enthusiasm for the Ferris wheel, you were a master at anything that spun around really fast, though after two of those rides, Sal had to tap out.

"The applesauce was good going down, but I don't think it'd be good coming back." he said.

You wished that there had been some sort of fireworks or big ending to the date, but the festival didn't have anything like that. Come and have fun til 9 then leave, was the basic idea.

It was 7 now, two hours until everything shut down but you could tell that the two of you were starting to get tired and had seen almost everything there was.

"This was a lot of fun." Sal said as you two headed towards the exit.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"And you said this was happening every weekend until mid-November, right?"

"Yup! It's-"

"What are you supposed to be?" you suddenly heard a voice next to you. Some middle-schooler with fake blood coming out of every opening on their face was staring at the two of you.

"I'm the pumpkin queen." You replied.

"Not you, that one." the kid said, pointing at Sal.

"I'm the Sally Face Killer." he replied without missing a beat and you couldn't help but smile.

"Where'd you get your mask? I want it." the kid replied, still staring intently at Sal.

"It's a prosthetic." Sal explained. "It protects my face from-"

"So you're like, a total freak under there?"

"Woah, he now kid. Don't be rude." you quickly spoke up. "Come on, Sal let's go."

You started to pull him away, when you felt a slight catch. Sal let out a surprised grunt and you turned around to look at him.

For the very first time, you were truly face to face with Sal Fisher.

Next Chapter

#sally face x reader #sal fisher x reader #sally face #nacht post #nacht fic #cant be unseen #cbu

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commentaryvorg · 5 years

Text

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 1.3

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, Kaito’s adventures in nearly getting himself killed had totally saved everyone until it turned out they really really hadn’t, Monokuma announced the time limit motive, and Shuichi (and by extension Kaede) fell right into the mastermind’s trap due to the lack of any visible cameras monitoring them.

Now, it’s finally Free Time! I am going to be covering some FTEs in this commentary, but only as many as I can get in a normal playthrough. I’ll be trying to keep things as close as possible to what might have potentially happened “canonically”. So I’m going to be going for characters whom the protagonists would be most likely to willingly choose to hang out with if they didn’t have a player controlling them on the other side of the fourth wall.

I’m also going to make it a regular thing to ask around all of the characters before actually initiating an FTE with the one I’m planning on doing, just to see what thoughts people have on the current situation so that I can mention any if they seem relevant. There can be quite a lot of interesting stuff going on in the pre-FTE dialogue sometimes.

Speaking of, Rantaro happens to be hanging out in the library, suspiciously close to the moving bookcase, so there’s that.

Keebo: “I cannot believe we’re being subjected to this purely for the entertainment value!”

…whoa, Keebo, you actually hit the nail on the head there. Of all people to make that assumption, it’s interesting that it’s him specifically. I wonder if he has slightly more of a sense that that’s the case because of his inner voice? Hm.

Anyway, obviously the first person that Kaede would choose to hang out with would be Shuichi! He’s in the warehouse right now. I wonder if he’s checking out what kind of stuff it’s got to see what he can use for his plan. If only he’d taken the things he needed now while he was here instead of bringing Kaede here to get them with him tomorrow, she might never have grabbed a shot put ball. Or perhaps the fact that I’m about to make Kaede hang out with him now is what’s going to prevent him from doing that, at least in this particular version of events.

Also, while almost all the sports equipment is examinable right now, the box of shot put balls isn’t.

Kaede: “Do you wear a cap, smoke a pipe, and use a magnifying glass to investigate crime scenes? Do you say stuff like, ‘Indeed, most intriguing!’?”

Kaede is such a goof. I love her.

Shuichi: “A lot of those cases are small jobs… Infidelity cases, background checks…”

Shuichi is not normally a homicide detective except for that one murder case he accidentally solved. Still, I imagine that the Ultimate Initiative also looked into all of these more routine cases when deciding to name him the Ultimate Detective; just because the cases he’s solving aren’t murders doesn’t mean he can’t be talented at solving them.

That said, this kind of case is also not necessarily the most glamorous in terms of painting detectives in a positive light. Much later on in the story, Shuichi laments that all detectives do is uncover people’s secrets for money, and it’s probably these cases that make him think that.

Kaede: “Yeah, I guess it’d be bad if flashy murder cases kept happening around you!”

Yeah that’s definitely not going to happen at all now that he’s in a killing game.

Shuichi: “The other cases are just stuff like… finding runaways and stuff.”

This kind of case, however, does show a positive role for detectives. Shuichi’s saving people by finding the truth!

He goes on to explain that he and his uncle have a policy of following up on runaway cases to resolve the reason the person ran away in the first place, which is a lovely policy to have.

Kaede: (I didn’t know detectives were so considerate. Or is Shuichi just a special case?)

It depends on the detective, apparently. Shuichi’s a very different kind of Ultimate Detective from Kyoko – she was very cold and impersonal, whereas Shuichi has a much more compassionate and human approach, but both kinds are good in different ways.

I’m also going to include all of the bonus item-dependent scenes, since there’s no reason to assume they’re not canon. Well, with one certain exception, but I still have a few things to say about how that one is initiated, so I’ll still talk about it when we get to that point. That said, half of them aren’t super interesting and I won’t have that much to say about them, and this nail brush scene here is one of those. Still, it’s cute – Kaede gets so excited about it! – and it’s probably not a coincidence on the writers’ part that it happens to involve the true mastermind and the person whom Kaede ends up killing because she thinks they’re the mastermind.

Also, Tsumugi, if you didn’t want Rantaro upstaging you at nail art, maybe you shouldn’t have written his character to have twelve younger sisters. Or, actually, did Tsumugi write Rantaro’s character? Because he was written for season 52, so it’s entirely possible she wasn’t involved in that. Maybe that’s why Tsumugi is so inexplicably disdainful towards Rantaro in this scene – because he’s not her character, unlike everyone else there.

Moving on, Kaede can “max out” two people’s FTEs while she’s the protagonist, so she should hang out with a second person besides Shuichi. It’s a little less obvious who else she might choose to spend time with, but… yep, you guessed it, I’m going with Kaito. It’s pretty reasonable Kaede might want to hang out with him since he’s been so supportive of her, but aside from that, he’s a very important character and doing his FTEs here will give me more chance to talk about his similarities to Kaede and what makes him tick in general. Whenever it’s more ambiguous who the protagonist might choose to hang out with, I reserve the right to go with my favourite and/or the most story-relevant out of the most plausible options.

But first, while asking around…

Rantaro: “Oh, sorry. I was just… thinking about something. You wanna go to the library? I feel like reading.”

…not convinced that’s the real reason you want to go to the library, Rantaro.

Maki: “It feels like we were just given our Ultimate talents on a whim…”

Whoa, Maki, that is very perceptive of you. And I guess she would be the one to think that, since she hates her true talent more than anyone else here.

Maki: “…And if there’s time to complain, I’d rather spend it being productive.”

Don’t tell Maki right now, but this is her being pretty similar to Kaito in this particular way.

Kaito: “What’s wrong? You got something you want to talk to me about?”

Kaede: (Should I spend time with Kaito?) [Yes]

Kaito: “Yeah, you can tell me anything! I may not look like it, but I’m a great listener!”

Kaede: (I spent some time listening to Kaito, despite him telling me he was a good listener…)

This is a very meaningful exchange! On a first time through this would look like yet another supposed example of Kaito not being able to back up his own words, but it’s not that at all. Anyone who’s seen the rest of the game knows that Kaito really is a good listener when people need him to be. The reason he doesn’t end up being a good listener to Kaede here is because she doesn’t need him to be right now. The thing that’s bothering her the most is the knowledge of a mastermind and whether her and Shuichi’s plan will work, but she can’t tell him that. And maybe she could express more general worries about whether they’re really going to be able to survive the time limit, but she’s too optimistic a person to want to admit to things like that, especially to other people whom she’s trying to be an encouraging influence on. You know, kind of exactly like Kaito himself doesn’t either.

But I also like how the conversation started off with Kaito assuming she had something to vent to him about and offering to listen. This is an early sign of Kaito’s determination to support people. He may be totally at a loss in terms of coming up with a plan to deal with the time limit, but he knows that he’s good at providing emotional support for others. So he’s offering to do that here in an attempt to feel like he’s still making a difference, even though Kaede is probably the least likely person to need it.

What we have here is a clash of two people who focus far too much on helping others with their problems and never like to admit to their own, so the conversation that both of them initially thought of as an attempt to help the other relax got derailed and probably ended up as something along the lines of Kaito excitedly telling Kaede facts about space instead. Because there is absolutely no way that Kaede ending up listening to Kaito was the same unloading-your-problems kind of “listening” that Kaito was originally offering to do for her.

Getting into the actual FTE, Kaito wants Kaede to teach him to play piano.

Kaede: “Playing the piano is gonna help you when you go to space…?”

Kaito: “Of course! What if I meet an alien?”

I love how Kaito just says this like it makes perfect sense when it makes anything but to anyone except him.

Kaito: “Well, we haven’t confirmed any, but… It’s silly to think that humans are alone in this vast universe. Plus, isn’t it more exciting to think they’re out there somewhere?”

Of course Kaito would think this, not just because it’s mathematically likely given how huge the universe is, but also simply because it’s fun to imagine it. It’s what he wants to believe!

Kaede: “So, if there are aliens, do you want to try to communicate using the piano?”

Kaito: “Not just piano, any music! Even singing would work.”

Then just sing to them, you doofus. Don’t you realise how much extra fuel it would cost to carry a piano on a spaceship.

Kaito: “I think it’s totally possible to communicate with music.”

Even so, this is still great. He doesn’t just want aliens to exist, he wants to be able to meet them and communicate with them, and he understands that music is one of best forms of communication that works despite language barriers. This is already establishing Kaito’s belief in the importance of communication, even before he talks about it some more in one of his FTEs with Shuichi.

(He is making the rather human-centric assumption that any aliens he meets would communicate using sound, but still.)

Kaito goes on to talk about the Voyager Golden Record, which is a real thing that I hadn’t heard of until I saw this FTE.

Kaito: “It was put on a spacecraft called the Voyager. It was a message to any aliens that found it. It had greetings in a bunch of languages, images of landscapes… and also music.”

It’s really cool that humanity did this and so like Kaito to be invested in this kind of thing!

Kaito: “In the not-too-distant future, in fact! I, Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, will be the first human to ever come in contact with an alien!”

Kaede: (…Where does he get this confidence from?)

What a dork. Aliens existing: mathematically likely. Aliens being encountered by humanity within Kaito’s lifetime: extremely mathematically unlikely. But that’s not going to stop him!!! He is so ridiculously determined.

Kaede: (I know well that music can transcend words and language to unite hearts as one. Oh god, I’m starting to sound like a hopeless romantic like Kaito! Hahaha…)

They are both so idealistic and so focused in different ways on communicating feelings to others and it’s great.

Kaede: (But I won’t lose… I won’t give up. Because I want to see everyone’s smiles just a little longer.)

Guh, Kaede just wants to make everyone smile and that’s why she’s going to do what she’s going to do.

In the morning, Monokuma shows up at the door when she’s expecting Shuichi, to tell her her lab is open.

Monokuma: “Now, go to the Ultimate Pianist’s Lab right away and compose a murderous melody!”

Ha. Ha ha. Oh dear.

And then she does the cliché of assuming it’s still Monokuma the second time the doorbell rings.

Kaede: “Geez, enough already! You’re bothering me!”

Shuichi: “Ah, I’m sorry! Should I come back later?”

Kaede: “Oh, Shuichi! Sorry, just ignore what I said!”

Come on, Kaede, you could at least tell him you thought it was Monokuma so he doesn’t spend the rest of today anxiously wondering why you yelled at him and whether you secretly hate him.

I randomly decided to examine Kaede’s closet before leaving and…

Kaede: (It even comes with my pink vest…)

Well that sure is a suspiciously specific detail that isn’t ever going to be relevant later or anything.

Kokichi: “C’mon! I wanna see you fly! Robots have jet packs or whatever under their feet, right?”

This is some brief foreshadowing that also highlights how little of a damn Kokichi ever gives about saving everyone. If he’s apparently so enamoured with the idea of Keebo flying, when Keebo’s lab opens up in chapter 4, he could have tried to persuade Keebo to use his jetpack and laser gun sooner.

Rantaro: “Look, like I told you before, I was just a little confused. Not being able to remember my own talent is… stressing me out. Really, I would appreciate it if you didn’t ask me about it anymore.”

This is after Shuichi tries to ask Rantaro again what he meant regarding the Ultimate Hunt, which Rantaro sees as an “interrogation”. He really must be horribly lost and confused, just like Shuichi remarks in chapter 6. He doesn’t feel like he can trust anyone, and he’s terrified that Shuichi and Kaede don’t trust him and that if he tells them the truth of how he knows about the Ultimate Hunt that’ll just make them trust him even less. Guh. If only he did trust them and tell them everything, then the tragedy that’s about to occur wouldn’t happen, but it’s so, so understandable why he doesn’t.

He also leaves after the conversation is over, making it clear that he really doesn’t want to talk about this at all.

Maki: “…Heading to the dining hall? You guys better brace yourselves, then.”

Shuichi: “Wh-What? Why?”

Maki: “…Because Miu’s there.”

I absolutely adore how 1000% done Maki always is with the most annoying members of the cast. It’s very refreshing.

Maki: “…And what about you?”

Shuichi: “No, not yet… I suppose only Miu and Kaede’s labs have been prepared…”

Maki: “…I see.”

[Maki leaves]

Shuichi: “…It sounded like Maki was in a bad mood.”

Kaede: “I think Miu was bragging about her lab being open. But I don’t think that would bother Maki, since she seems so level-headed.”

The way Maki asks about other labs, and their observation that Maki seems uncharacteristically bothered by something that isn’t just Miu being Miu, makes me think that this is Maki being afraid of the possibility of her lab being open now. Like she’s thinking that it’s already accessible somewhere in the school and she just hasn’t found it yet, and now that it might have opened up, someone else could find it before she can stop them and learn her secret that she’s so afraid of having anyone know.

In the dining hall, Kaede starts begging to Miu because she’s just that open and straightforward of a person, but it’s sweet that Shuichi is inspired by this and joins in, even though that’s very much not the kind of thing he would have been comfortable doing if he’d been on his own.

Kaede: “Thank you, I owe you! Even after we escape, I’ll owe you forever and ever and ever!”

Miu does not deserve Kaede being this pure and good at her.

I’m not sure why Shuichi doesn’t have Kaede come with him to the back of the warehouse to get the sensors and instead asks her to wait there by the sports equipment. I mean, obviously from an out-universe writing perspective I do, but man, that on-a-whim decision of his made all the difference.

It’s a little odd that the only photo-taking cameras the warehouse has are disposable ones, but as we learn in chapter 5, it also has video cameras as well. Kind of makes you wonder why Shuichi didn’t try asking Miu to modify one of those instead. That wouldn’t have had the problem with intervals.

Kaede: (Will these cameras really work? Even if we take pictures of the mastermind and persuade everyone… What will we do after that? The mastermind could just smirk and order the Exisals to attack everyone. Can we really protect everyone with this plan? Will we really be able to escape this place?)

And right here is the moment where Kaede resolves to murder the mastermind instead of just capture them. She hasn’t got the whole Rube Goldberg setup in mind yet, but she grabs herself a murder weapon all the same, despite not being sure how she’s going to use it.

I’ve been talking a lot about Kaede and Kaito’s similarities and the ways in which Kaede is a better leader than Kaito, but this is one of the situations in which Kaito would have been better than her. Had it been Kaito instead who was helping Shuichi with his plan, his ridiculously stubborn optimism wouldn’t have allowed him to think this thought all the way through. He’d have stuck to Shuichi’s plan, refusing to acknowledge the possibility that it might not work. Kaede is also very optimistic, but she’s more capable of acknowledging negative possibilities than Kaito is. While that can often be a good thing, in this situation that works against her to make her conclude that her only option is murder.

Kaede: (I shoved the things I was holding into my backpack, and ran after him.)

Everyone knows what’s up with this line since it’s referred back to during the trial, but it’s still really good. The game can no longer afford to be completely truthful with Kaede’s thoughts and actions, but it never tells an outright lie. It merely omits certain details, leaving just enough there for you to figure out what’s really happening when you know what to look for. And while there are probably a few of Kaede’s thoughts about her murderous intent that we’re not seeing, it does make sense that she would mostly try to avoid thinking about it in the first place.

Kaede: “I was just thinking how amazing you are for coming up with this plan, Shuichi.”

Aww, look at Kaede admiring Shuichi for his talent even though he doesn’t believe in it himself. They really are a great team. Shuichi’s detective skills make him able to come up with this plan which at least on the surface looks pretty solid, but he doesn’t have the confidence or courage to carry it out on his own. Meanwhile Kaede is so great at encouraging people but doesn’t have the skills to come up with a plan like this, so she needs to team up with Shuichi for her ability to encourage people to actually be useful. If only Kaede had been able to truly believe that simply capturing the mastermind would be enough to save them.

(And, you know, if only Shuichi had been aware of the several pieces of information he’s missing that indicate the plan won’t actually work to capture the mastermind in the first place. But he’s still doing a really impressive job with what he has.)

During free time, I took Kaede to look at her newly-opened lab, because I could.

Kaede: (Smiling, I ran toward it and lifted the cover. Beneath it, a clean row of black-and-white keys smiled back at me. I haven’t touched a piano in a couple days, but it feels like it’s been forever since I played.) “Hahaha… I really am the Piano Freak…”

Kaede being so excited about seeing the piano is adorable. I love how she describes it as “smiling back at her”, like every piano is a friend of hers.

Also, it really has been forever since she played. Since, you know, she didn’t exist until a few days ago and has literally never played before. The previous owner of her body might have done, but not her.

It’s a shame there isn’t an option to, like, have Kaede pass the free time slot by just playing the piano. I feel like she totally would have considered that instead of hanging out with someone. (She does actually end up playing the piano in Angie’s second FTE with her, but it sucks that that’s the only way to allow her to play it before she dies.)

Shuichi: “You giving me something this wonderful… I wish I could give you something in return.”

Don’t worry, Shuichi, it’ll be your turn to give everybody presents soon.

(Does Kaede just, like, bequeath Shuichi the giant stack of presents she’s amassed from the Monomono Machine, so that he can continue her wish of making friends with everyone?)

Shuichi talks about how he lives with his uncle and aunt right now because his parents work overseas.

Shuichi: “Well, for me, they’re just a mom and dad who have a… hands-off approach to parenting.”

Ouch. Seems like Shuichi’s uncle is more of a parent to him than his actual parents.

Kaede: (Shuichi’s smile seems bitter. I wonder if his parents jerk him around a lot…) “Oh, we got off-topic! Um, there’s something I wanted to ask you about, Shuichi…”

I feel like Kaede is partly changing the topic here because she doesn’t want to make Shuichi think about his not-great parents. Look at her being considerate.

Shuichi’s first case was to find a classmate’s pet alligator.

Shuichi: “I researched alligator behavior and spent a long time preparing the tools to capture it… I had to climb around mountains and swim up rivers… It was a lot of work.”

It’s things like this that make it all the more believable that their backstories were made up by someone who was trying to write cool exciting characters and not necessarily the most realistic ones.

Shuichi: “The knowledge it took to solve that case… became the foundation for my detective work.”

Um, are you sure, Shuichi? I guess the more general skills you practiced were useful, but alligator behaviour?

Shuichi: “And… I was so happy to be of use to someone. I can still hear her ‘thank you’ to this day.”

Aww, Shuichi. He laments a lot later on that detectives can’t help people because all they can do is solve murders once the tragedy has already happened. But even aside from how he’s ignoring the fact that in this killing game he’s directly saving everyone else’s lives by solving the murder, that’s still not true! The kind of work he and his uncle do to find missing people (or pets) is all about helping people!

Kaede: “It never once occurred to me that detectives could show that kind of compassion. Compassion makes people trust you. If you offer them your hand, they'll reach for it... The world needs more detectives like you.”

And Kaede thinks so too!

Shuichi: “Because… that’s the first time someone has ever said that to me. I’ll never forget this moment. I’ll be able to believe in myself and be proud of being a detective.”

On the one hand, it’s adorable how much Shuichi needed to hear something like this. On the other hand, it’s a little awkward that he seems to be acting like his issues are all solved now, when they’re very decidedly not and he’s going to continue to be ashamed and afraid of his talent for quite a bit longer.

One of Shuichi’s lines here is fully voiced. Anyone who’s maxed out a character’s FTEs in DR2 (although I don’t think this was a thing in DR1?) might remember that someone usually only gets a fully voiced line on their very final FTE. Which might raise suspicions as to Shuichi’s mortality here on a first time through, making someone think that surely he’d only apparently have so few events if he’s going to die soon, right?

Except that this happens for the second FTE of anyone Kaede hangs out with. So a first-time player who happens to hang out with the same character twice in chapter 1 might end up assuming that that specific character only has two FTEs (especially if they go on to try and hang out with them more times and not get an event regardless of the presents they give), no matter who it is. And because of that, they might think that they just happened to choose to hang out with one of the two characters who’s therefore blatantly going to die this chapter, even though actually this would have happened for literally anyone. It’s like a Schroedinger’s Death Flag.

I dunno; I didn’t get this feeling myself because I first experienced this game by watching a playthrough that barely did any FTEs, but I have to wonder how many players had different experiences of being convinced that a completely different character was going to die than most other players would, based solely on who they chose to hang out with.

This last free time slot is a good one for asking around everyone before actually initiating an event. It’s the last slot before the time limit, and most people are starting to feel nervous about it.

Angie: “Hmmmm, I feel like cloistering myself away right now. Atua’s not feeling lively, either.”

Even Angie seems to actually be worried, for once.

Shuichi: “… There’s a whole day left… but I’m starting to get nervous. …I’m sorry I said something so pathetic. I’ll drink some tea and try to calm down…

Even though Shuichi has a plan to survive the time limit, he’s nervous too. He’s hanging out in the lookout classroom, probably because he’s already feeling antsy about the plan.

Meanwhile, Rantaro is in the library standing close to the moving bookcase again.

Kokichi: “When tomorrow night comes… and we all die… I wonder what Monokuma is gonna do? Will he end it… or just start a new one…?”

Here’s a neat hint that Kokichi has already figured out what’s up with Monokuma’s time limit. He realises that what Monokuma really wants isn’t to kill everyone but to have an entertaining killing game, so Kokichi’s wondering if Monokuma would really be satisfied with killing them all. He also seems aware of the fact that if the mastermind could kidnap all of them for this so easily, maybe they’re pretty expendable and the mastermind could just kidnap another bunch of kids and try again if this killing game fails.

All very intelligent, perceptive, useful observations that it would be really nice if he shared with everyone. The fact that he doesn’t very much indicates that he only cares about himself.

…Tsumugi, what are you doing hanging out in the Flashback Light classroom? I wonder if that’s just a coincidence, or if she was already preparing the Flashback Light for next chapter – wouldn’t be surprising, since that one is already there when they get to the next floors.

Maki: “…Hey. Your research lab is open, right? Can you… show me?”

Meanwhile Maki seems more preoccupied with the labs than the fact she’s going to die tomorrow. She probably wants to see Kaede’s lab to get a sense of how obvious a person’s talent is from the inside of their lab, so that she knows how worried to be about her own opening up. Plus, it’s not like she actually needs Kaede’s permission to check out her lab, but maybe Maki’s asking because she knows she would hate someone going into her lab without permission.

But of course, our hangout partner of choice this time…

Kaito: “There’s only one day until the time limit… Don’t worry, I’m not panicking. I’m an astronaut, after all!”

…is not remotely nervous what are you talking about. Astronauts are always fine!

Kaito: “Oh, you wanna learn how to have peace of mind, like me? Alright, I’ll show you how!”

Kaede: (I spent some time learning how to have some peace of mind from Kaito… But he told me stories that made me question his definition of peace of mind…)

Hee. Probably exciting, adventurous stories of effortlessly surviving ridiculous dangers despite seemingly-impossible odds, knowing him. It’s fun how oblivious he is to the fact that other people’s minds don’t work like his and maybe this kind of thing wouldn’t be anyone else’s idea of peace of mind.

Kaito: “I’ve been thinking this for a while, but, Kaede, you’d make a pretty good astronaut.”

Didn’t I say Kaito has noticed how similar Kaede is to him? He’s been thinking about that a lot, apparently!

Kaito: “First off, you’re able to both cooperate with people and lead them.”

Again showing how Kaito considers co-operation one of the most important qualities due to his astronaut training, and therefore values it so much in non-space-related people and situations too!

Kaito: “I haven’t even had to rally everyone here together yet because you’ve beat me to it.”

I see you leaving out the reason why she beat you to it, Kaito. But this supports what I was saying before that he absolutely would have done if Kaede hadn’t done it first!

Kaito: “But you do tend to go ahead on your own sometimes.”

Look who’s talking. Kaito, who out of the two of you nearly got themselves killed two days ago because they acted without thinking?

Kaede: “That’s true…”

…Then again, Kaede’s not denying it. After all, she is doing something on her own without telling anyone, which is precisely what’s going to end up getting her killed, so really Kaito is right to be worried.

Kaito: “How about I make you my sidekick?”

Oh, Kaito. This must sound ridiculous on a first playthrough but makes so much more sense when you’ve seen the whole story and understand that Kaito literally does this with people all the time.

But it’s also very interesting, because when Kaito considers someone his sidekick, he thinks of them as a person who needs his support and whom he’s now going to devote his efforts to helping… and that’s not Kaede. Kaede is just as emotionally strong and capable of managing on her own as Kaito is – possibly even more so. Kaito knows this. So what I think he’s really doing here is trying to make himself feel just as good as Kaede by pretending that she’s someone who might need his support, to hide from the reality that Kaede’s been leading and encouraging everyone and seemingly working on a plan to get them all out of here while Kaito has done nothing except nearly get himself killed.

Kaede tells him she’s not interested in being an astronaut (or his sidekick), but Kaito’s still planning on using his job to make it easier for normal people, including artists like her, to get into space one day too.

Kaito: “I’m going to take the culture that grew on Earth and spread it across the universe!”

He’s so good! He cares so much about communication that he wants to let all those aliens out there know exactly what humanity is all about!

Kaito: “There isn’t any unnecessary art or technology in this whole world!”

I love this. Even though he’s personally most enthusiastic about space, he thinks everyone and everything is important. He might have a seemingly inflated view of his own importance, but he truly believes that everybody else is just as incredibly important, too!

Kaede: “I thought you just wanted to travel to space, and that’s it. But you’re already thinking about what you’ll do afterward.”

Kaede realises she underestimated him! There’s a lot more to Kaito being an astronaut than just thinking space is cool.

Kaito: “Of course! I’ll create a path for the people who come after me! That’s my role!”

Even when it’s him being an astronaut, the thing that’s supposed to be the most about himself, Kaito is still thinking of it as something to help everyone else as much as possible and not just as his own personal achievement. He’s so, so good.

Kaito: “I promise I’ll make a path out of here too, so don’t worry!”

This is his fully-voiced line for this event – because of course it is. He really, genuinely wants to be able to do that, even though he has no idea how. And in the end, he does manage to play an important role in getting everyone else out of there.

Kaede: (He tried to convince me of his goals, despite having no way to pull them off… Only Kaito could be this confident without a plan…)

…Pretty much, Kaede, pretty much.

This is one of my favourite FTEs – they could have just made it about why Kaito wants to go into space, but instead they present it in a way which makes it also about Kaito’s similarity to Kaede and what he admires in her, which is so interesting and relevant and I’m really happy they had a whole thing about it here.

Kaede: (No, it won’t be our last nighttime ever… Just our last night in this horrible place.)

Kaede is so determined. (To kill the mastermind.)

Kaede: (Yeah… We promised we would all be friends once we got out.) “…”

That ellipsis implies there are some thoughts she’s having here that we’re not privy to. Probably about the fact that no-one would want to be friends with her if they knew she killed someone. This might be when she starts thinking about disguising her crime.

Kaede: (The time limit was set to expire tonight… but weirdly enough, I was looking forward to it.)

Looking forward to saving everyone and getting out of here, of course! (Probably looking considerably less forward to becoming a murderer.)

Kaede: (Even then… I barely slept the whole night.)

Yeah, plotting a murder can’t be good for your ability to get to sleep.

---

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#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #chapter 1 #daily life #free time events #commentary

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radioactivepeasant · 6 years

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Fic Prompts: Folklore Friday

So, I realized that my version of The Boy Who Went To Learn About Shudders doesn’t really match the original story all that much, so now I’m doing a “Radio Explains Fairytales Badly” for this one.

Right, this is a weird one.

So this isn’t one you’re likely to see a Disney adaptation of, unless Disney really really runs out of ideas. And they might. Who knows.

So to start with, we’ve got this man, and he’s got two sons. Fairytale patterns dictate that the younger one is going to go out on some kind of adventure. The dad goes to his boys like, “Okay, it’s time for you to learn a trade!” (In other words, get a job! ) And he asks them what they’re going to do with their lives. The older one’s answer isn’t really recorded that I remember, presumably because he’s the oldest and is probably going to take over whatever the dad’s business is, being the firstborn and all.

The dad asks the younger one, “What kind of trade do you want to learn?”

And he says, “I want to learn to shudder.”

Hm. Ah. Okay, so, in this day and age, that could mean “I’m going to make Let’s Plays of horror games on the internet and earn money that way!” or “I’m going to be a professional tester of carnival haunted-houses and get paid to be scared out of my wits!” or “I’m going to sew clothes made out of that awful material they make picnic tableclothes out of, the kind that gives you goosebumps whenever it touches your skin.” But in presumably-medieval fairytale-land, that’s just not a viable career choice.

And everyone seems to realize, “Wait, I don’t think this kid actually knows what fear is!”

Now, the local sexton, for some reason, hears about this. And he tells the dad, “Hey, tell the kid -- okay, he needs a name, let’s say Charlie -- to go to the belltower in the church at midnight and ring the bell. I can help him learn to shudder, then he can go job hunting like the rest of us.”

This apparently does not strike the dad as odd. The sexton clearly has some kind of prank in mind, the lack of reaction does make you wonder how many other people he has done this to.

So the boy is sent out to the church at night, and he rings the bell at midnight. And in comes the sexton, wearing a sheet, and pretending to be a ghost. That’s not all that concerning to the boy. Maybe he could see the guy’s feet, I don’t know.

“What are you doing here?” the boy asks, and since he’s in-character at the moment, the sexton doesn’t answer. The boy decides he doesn’t like this in the slightest, and chucks the guy down the stairs, which seems like a fairly drastic reaction to a guy in a bedsheet wandering a belltower at night.

The sexton breaks his leg.

There’s a little bit of a hue and cry over that in the village. This is understandable, but to be fair, he was up in a dark belltower at night trying to scare a guy with no concept of fear. He probably should’ve planned for something weird happening.

So the dad says, “Son, you should probably skip town, lay low for a while. You broke that guy’s leg!”

And he’s like, “Okay Dad, maybe I’ll find someone else to teach me how to shudder!”

He goes off, probably hitchiking, and wanders into this other town where he apparently tells anyone who will listen that he’s trying to learn to shudder. He meets this guy who says “Hey, you should spend a night sitting under the gallows. That will guaranteed creep you out.”

This is fair, that is a perfectly logical thing to creep a person out. Unless you’re this kid, apparently.

He goes and he sits under the gallows that night and --

Okay. So, I do have some questions about this protagonist. I’m kind of wondering how old he’s supposed to be, or else whether he’s just been living some kind of idyllic, sheltered village life. Because at this point, it’s midnight, and he’s sitting under the gallows and there are actual dead men up there. Actual, very dead men, and he doesn’t look at them and think “Hey, those are some dead guys!”

No, he looks at them and thinks, “Hey, they look cold!”

That...wouldn’t be my first thought when I’m looking at a corpse, I’m just gonna be honest with you. But that’s apparently his first thought, so he goes up and he cuts them down! Off the gallows! He cuts these guys down off the gallows and sits them down in front of his fire!

These are, as we have established, dead men, so they don’t really sit up well at the fire. They kinda...lean, or sort of flop, I guess. And one of them’s clothes catch fire. Because the kid sat a dead guy right up against the fire. And the kid gets mad.

“Well if you’re not sensible enough to move away from the fire,” he says, apparently thinking this corpse can hear him, “I’m going to put you back where I found you!”

And he does. He puts all seven of these dead guys, who were probably up there for a reason, back on the gallows. Ah...okay, kiddo. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

And the next day he goes on, unsatisfied, because he didn’t learn to shiver. He goes travelling for a while with this waggoner. And presumably this waggoner has had to hear some really weird stuff during this trip. They end up staying in this town and someone is like, “Hey guys, did you know there’s a haunted castle here? Would anybody like to stay there?”

Of course, our boy is like, “Boy would I! Maybe I’ll learn to shudder!”

(And everybody else is thinking, “Yeah, if this doesn’t work, we don’t know what to do with you.”)

Come to find out, there was this king who really wanted to stay there. But he really couldn’t, because that castle was super haunted. And, y’know, you can’t really do your day-to-day king stuff when you’ve got shrieking and moaning and chains-dragging-down-the-hall going on. It’s kind of distracting, keeps interrupting the budget meetings. And once you’ve figured out that the shrieking and moaning isn’t the people trapped in the budget meetings, then you gotta call the fairytale equivalent of the Ghostbusters.

In this particular case, because it’s an old fairytale with...less than stellar social situations for some people...calling the Ghostbusters looks like the king saying “Anybody who clears out this castle can marry my daughter. She’s super pretty, by the way. And you’d get to rule my kingdom.”

Dude. You really want to screen people a little better than that. At least have some minimum qualifications, come on. You could get some kind of Ghostbuster Prince, or you could get a weirdo out for power, or you could get Luigi in yet another haunted mansion. I mean, if that’s what you’re looking for in a son-in-law okay, you do you, but the point is: you don’t know what you’re going to get when you basically put the princess’s hand up for auction like that. I’m just saying.

So, the boy doesn’t seem like he’s really got an interest in marrying the princess. All he wants to do is learn to shudder and go on his adventures. And he’s like, “Alright, I’ll stay the three nights in your haunted castle.”

And the king says, “You can take three non-living items with you.”

I don’t know why he made this rule. Maybe this was his attempt at screening some of the would-be son-in-laws coming through? It’s entirely arbitrary, most of these things are. So the kid asks for a tinder set to make a fire, a lathe, and a cutting board that comes with a knife. Okay, technically that’s probably four or five items, but the king allows it.

The boy sets up camp, and to be fair, he’s by himself in a large, drafty castle at night. Nobody’s keeping the place warm, and there’s no central heating. So fire and flint was a good choice. He gets set up and the first night he’s there he hears these voices wailing and crying about how cold they are.

His reaction is to yell something along the lines of, “I have a fire right here you nitwits! Just come warm yourselves!”

No concept of fear, and apparently not much for patience, either.

Out of the shadows jump these giant black cats. Now, I don’t know if they’re ghost cats, or some kind of cat sidhe, but either way they were probably up to no good in that particular castle. The cats come up to the fire and propose a card game.

If talking animals come up to you and say, “Hey, do you wanna play cards with us?”, there is probably an ulterior motive and you should probably be suspicious.

So, they start playing, and a couple turns in the kid realizes that the cats are cheating. This bothers him more than the fact that talking animals who don’t have opposable thumbs are holding cards and playing with a human. Animals behaving wildly out of character is apparently a-okay, but by golly they’d best not cheat at cards! Go figure.

He uses the knife and cutting board to somehow trap the cats’ paws. I think he may have said something about filing their claws, but unless there was some kind of clamp or something on the board to hold food down, I don’t know how one goes about trapping something with a cutting board.

In one version I’ve seen, he proceeds to throw the cats out the window, which is cruel even if they might’ve been planning to eat him or whatever ghostly card-cheat cats do in their spare time. In another version, he just chucked them out the chamber door and into the night to sulk, which I prefer because let’s not have our fairytale protagonist engaging in animal cruelty. Absolute no-thank-you.

Things get a little hairy after that, pretty much every shadow in the room comes to life and takes the shape of a giant black dog or cat that’s trying to scratch out his fire and tear him to pieces. This time, I’d say his actions are a little more justified, because he’s just defending himself. He picks up the knife and cutting board and fights off all the animals doing their darndest to kill him, and the results are rather gruesome and gory despite the fact that these things seem to be shadows that came to life rather than actual animals.

Despite how horrible all this was, the boy just kind of thinks, “Well, that sure was a thing,” and decides to go to sleep. He gets in bed, and the thing takes a page from Beauty and the Beast and goes marching off with him still atop it, which actually sounds kind of fun. Then it tips over and attempts to crush him, which is less fun. And that’s the end of Night One.

Well, the second night comes around, and as he’s setting up his fire, an actual human torso falls down the chimney. Most people, if confronted with a torso falling down a chimney, would probably either react like someone in a horror movie and peer up the chimney (thereby pretty much guaranteeing that they’ll be the next to go), or else run screaming from the room. Running away from Unexpected Trespassing Torsos is a perfectly valid response.

This guy looks up the chimney and yells, “Hey! You’re missing a piece! Where’s the other half?!”

Obligingly, whatever ghost is up there throws the other half down. Which then puts itself together and steals the kid’s seat by the fire. He is rather annoyed about this. And then all these other bones and body parts start falling down, all these various pieces, and they form into several other kind of dead guys who set up a game of ninepins with human bones and skulls.

This does not faze the kid. He’s all, “I want in on this!” and he takes his lathe to smooth the skulls out, because a skull as a bowling ball isn’t really going to roll all that well. And the probably-dead guys are somewhat appreciative of their new and improved bowling-skulls, so they let the kid join the game. He loses some money to the dead guys who can dismember themselves and throw themselves up and down chimneys. The former part of that sentence probably bothered him more than the latter part. And that’s the end of Night Two.

Now we get to the third night. On the third night, the door opens up, and these six guys come in. Now mind you, there have been no people in the castle thus far. Just the kid, some ghost animal things, and the dismembering ninepin party. But now six guys come in, holding a coffin. And inexplicably, this kid comes to the conclusion that this is his cousin who has died, and he’s very distressed and pulls off the lid of the coffin to wail and hug this corpse.

Okay, I’d like to point out two things:

First, that coffin lid was closed, so I don’t know why he’d assume it was his cousin. Maybe the guy was doing poorly before he left home, I don’t know, but why would they bring the body to the castle?

Secondly, let’s consider how the kid has reacted to dead people thus far. Does he...does he even understand the concept of death? Or is he just thinking “I’ll warm up my cold cousin with a hug!”

Actually, that might be the point of the story, what with him having no fear. It might be a story about someone who lacks fear because he has absolutely no concept of his own mortality. Maybe because a lot of fears are rooted in the idea of death?

Anyway, the dead guy does wake up, because this is a very haunted castle. And he’s understandably confused about this strange man hugging him and crying, and threatens to strangle him if he doesn’t let go. This seems a little drastic, but to be honest, if I woke up to a random guy hugging me, I wouldn’t be thrilled either.

So then the boy is kind of upset by this, he doesn’t really want to be strangled, thanks, and he kind of closes up the coffin and steps back like “okay, you can take this away now.”

The only other thing that really happens that night is that this random old man comes in. Why is he there? We don’t know. How did he get in? We don’t know that either, unless he’s a ghost. And for some reason, because the kid reacts violently towards a lot of things, he traps this guy’s beard in an anvil, and beats him up! WHY?! I can remember no reason for this! Why would you do that?!

But he does, and he’s passed the three nights in the haunted castle at this point. The king says, “Oh, okay, did you happen to get rid of the ghosts?”

“I don’t know about ghosts,” says the kid, “You’ve got some weird people in there, though. The old guy I beat up with an anvil showed me where all this treasure was in there though, so that was cool.”

The king is probably thinking, “Uh...okay, that was, that was my treasure, actually….since I, y’know, lived there...but okay I guess?”

So the boy marries the princess. That’s the way it goes in a lot of stories: the princess isn’t so much a character as a prize at the end of the journey. “And they all live happily ever after.” Blech.

In this case, however, it’s a little different.

First of all, nobody ever seems to stop and think about the fact that this is a guy with zero qualifications for this job who has just been told, “here, have a kingdom and a wife. Mind you don’t go wandering anymore! Now you are required to learn some administrative skills, because you’re in charge of an entire kingdom! Have fun, kiddo!”

I mean, I wouldn’t want to be that guy.

So not only is he married to a complete stranger now, but he can’t go wandering and looking for the shudders anymore, because now he has to learn things like politics and budgeting. Compare this with a similar tale from England with a female protagonist: her story ended with her getting paid a heck ton of money for beating up a zombie with a stick, and she gets to go back home and do whatever the heck she wants with her life, because now she’s filthy rich.

I think the girl protagonist got the better deal, guys.

And that’s not even mentioning the princess, here. She gets a little tired of hearing her new husband moan and groan about never having learned to shudder. And she decides to Take Steps about it. This is the kind of princess who, if she’s annoyed enough with her husband, goes and gets a bucket of ice cold water and fills it with gudgeon. Which are apparently a kind of small, bottom-dwelling fish. Live gudgeon. In a bucket of ice cold water.

She takes this bucket into his room at night and goes, “You wanted to learn what it’s like when your skin crawls?” and throws living fish on him.

And he, presumably, was like “GAH!” and then thanks his wife for teaching him what shuddering feels like. And that’s how his story ends: stuck in a castle, learning politics, and married to a woman who will, in fact, put live fish in his bed if he angers her. H-happily ever after?

And he never does actually learn what fear is, in the end.

#folklore friday #radio ruins another fairytale #explaining fairytales badly #the boy who went to discover the shudders #fairytales #folktales #this is one of several stories i've seen where marrying a princess doesn't mean happily ever after #because she didn't get to choose her husband and by thunder does she ever let him know it in those stories #hence another story where the male protagonist learns to never anger a princess #maybe the king was so eager to use the castle as an excuse to marry off his daughter because of that #like maybe the other suitors had all figured out 'princess is the boss. don't cross her'#but the kid doesn't know fear and thus probably missed some red flags. Now he's stuck in what doesn't seem like a healthy marriage tbh #oh well. that's the way the story goes #fic prompts #writing prompts

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kanasmusings · 6 years

Text

[Translation] SERVAMP School Festival Track 3

I got busy with moving apartments so I couldn’t update much but now that I’m settled, here’s the third track of School Festival! My internet’s finally stable enough to post more frequently, yay~

The words of the day from this track is ‘sniper angel’ XD

Track 3: [ドキッ★猟師だらけの即興劇～赤ずきんちゃん～] “Boom ★ An impromptu play full of hunters ~Little Red Riding Hood~”

Under the cut as usual, enjoy~

Track 3: [ドキッ★猟師だらけの即興劇～赤ずきんちゃん～] “Boom ★ An impromptu play full of hunters ~Little Red Riding Hood~”

MAHIRU: Going back a month ago, our class decided to do a play during our long homeroom but…

LILY: Alright~ Now, let’s decide the programme for the play! Is there anyone here who has suggestions?

TSUBAKI: I’ll be the scriptwriter! I’ll write and direct everything. I’m sure it won’t be interesting if you do it~

BELKIA: Eh~? Can you include my super special magic show, too~?

TSUBAKI: Of course! I wanna make it a wonderful battle royale where every single character will draw blood~

SAKUYA: Ah, you don’t have to include me but… I’ll just kill you whenever I want.

LICHT: I want a play where I can be with cute animals.

LICHT: The main characters will of course be me, Mr. Cat, and Mr. Fox.

LICHT: I’d be happy if there was a Mr. Bird, too.

HYDE: That means Lichtan will be the only human character! No way! REJECTED!

HYDE: I wanna do some really cool stunts!

LICHT: Hah?! I wasn’t asking for your suggestion.

MAHIRU: Think rationally! It’d be impossible to do an original play in one month.

MAHIRU: And also, a super violent person shouldn’t be in charge!

TSUBAKI: Awww, how uninteresting…

HUGH: Hmm~ How about a fairy tale?

TETSU: A fairy tale? Like Momotaro?1

HUGH: Correct! If it’s a story that’s been around for a long time, the audience will understand it quickly.

HUGH: And if the main characters are already well-known, it should be easier for us to act.

TETSU: I see. Hugh-sensei always says such great things.

HUGH: (laughs) Treasuring tradition is a great thing.

MAHIRU: “Us?” Does that mean you’ll be acting, too, Hugh?

HUGH: Of course! I’m the assistant homeroom teacher after all~

MAHIRU: You’re still a teacher though…

MAHIRU: Well, going with a fairy tale might be a good idea!

MAHIRU: It’s simple and easy to understand.

LILY: Oh, then a fairy tale with lots of characters might be good! I want to be a part of it, too~

MAHIRU: You, too?!

BELKIA: Ah~ Then, isn’t that one a great idea?

BELKIA: The one where about seventeen dwarves appear~? What was it again?

TSUBAKI: Wait, Bel! That’s the wrong number~ Snow White only has seven dwarves.

BELKIA: Ah-ha-ha~ I got it wrong~

SAKUYA: You’re too off the mark.

LICHT: Do animals appear?

HYDE: They don’t.

LICHT: Then it’s rejected.

HYDE: For what reason?!

HYDE: But I’m interested~ The story’s climax is when the prince kisses the princess! We’ll do it with these members?

MAHIRU: Let’s choose another one.

MAHIRU: Hmm… A story where animals appear… Ah! How about Little Red Riding Hood?

MAHIRU: It’s a wolf though.

TETSU: How does that story go?

LILY: Let’s see~ (clears throat)

LILY: The main character is a young girl wearing a red cloak. She was asked by her mother to visit her sick grandmother in the forest. But, on the way, she’s tricked by a mean wolf and she loses her way. While she was wandering, the wolf went and ate her grandmother. After tricking Red Riding Hood that he was her grandmother, he ate her, too. And then, a hunter who happened to be passing by saw the situation and cut the wolf’s stomach to save them both. The three of them kill the werewolf and they lived happily ever after~

LILY: That’s about how it goes~

TETSU: The grandma’s pretty chill after being swallowed whole by a wolf. She’s so tough and cool, huh?

TETSU: I’m fine with this story.

LICHT: Of course, the main character will be me, the angel.

TSUBAKI: Heh~ I wanna do it, too.

HYDE: (laughs) You two! Red Riding Hood is supposed to be a cute girl.

HYDE: How about looking in the mirror first?

LICHT: You can just stand there and be the grass.

HYDE: Is there even a role like that?! More like, how am I gonna act grass?!

MAHIRU: Hey, Kuro. You awake?

KURO: I’m sleeping…

MAHIRU: You’re not! If you don’t say anything we’ll end up doing this play, you know?

MAHIRU: Are you fine with that?

KURO: Don’t care. I’m fine with anything as long as it’s not the main character.

KURO: Let me just play the stone that rolls around or something.

LICHT: Isn’t that great, shit rat? You finally have a rock friend.

HYDE: Is a grass’s friend a rock?

(door opens)

MIKUNI: You seem to be having a fun talk. Let me in on it, too~

MAHIRU: Mikuni-san, please go back to your own class.

MIKUNI: Eh~? You’re no fun!

MIKUNI: It’s obvious that the older brother would fill in for his sick younger brother, right?

MIKUNI: Doesn’t that lift off the feeling of uneasiness~?

MAHIRU: No, I can only feel more anxious now.

MIKUNI: Hm… Red Riding Hood, huh?

MIKUNI: Ah! I wanna play the prince~

MAHIRU: There isn’t one!

***

MAHIRU: In the end, we couldn’t decide which should play what role so we just drew lots.

MAHIRU: There’s a lot of people and there had to be narrator.

MAHIRU: Though, in the end, how they would act was still unpredictable so it ended up being an impromptu play…

***

(curtain opens)

(audience applause)

※ MAHIRU is the narrator and he speaks through a mic.

MAHIRU: Long ago, in a far-off place, there lived a very special little girl.

MAHIRU: The girl wore a red cape that her grandmother made for her and since it suited her so, she was given the nickname ‘Little Red Riding Hood.’

LILY: Oh, Red Riding Hood. Grandmother is sick at her home by the forest. Would you go and visit her?

KURO: No way. (he starts playing video games)

LILY: Eh?

KURO: Too troublesome. Don’t wanna go out.

MAHIRU: Little Red Riding Hood hated troublesome things.

LILY: Oh no! (quietly) The story won’t move forward if you say that.

LILY: (clears throat) Grandma Misono would be happy to see you, too. Would you go see her?

KURO: It’s normal for Bastard-chan to not feel well, right?

LILY: Geez! Don’t say that.

KURO: Don’t pull my clothes!

KURO: If I say I won’t go then I won’t.

MAHIRU: Little Red Riding Hood really hated doing troublesome things.

LILY: Come now, it won’t even take 30 minutes to walk there.

LILY: You just have to give her this grape juice and cake.

KURO: Then you go do it. I’ll watch the house.

LILY: Ah, then, let’s do this! In exchange for visiting her, I’ll buy you a new game console.

LILY: I’ll even include a soda and potato chips with it~!

LILY: Now, what will you do?

KURO: Guess I have no choice. (Kuro stands up)

MAHIRU: Little Red Riding Hood’s feelings were finally captivated.

MAHIRU: Wearing her trademark red cloak and carrying her cell phone, she went on her way.

LILY: (sighs) Now the story can finally continue.

LILY: Hm? K-Kuro! You forgot to take the basket with the juice and cake in it!

***

(birds chirping)

MAHIRU: Meanwhile in the forest, there was a wolf lurking, looking for a victim.

HYDE: Hey, hey, everyone~! It’s your miracle wolf who’s overflowing with coolness and cuteness at the same time, Lawless-chan!

HYDE: Sorry for making you wait~

MAHIRU: That’s kinda irritating… A-ah…! (clears throat) However, rumours about the wolf have been circulating recently so most people have started avoiding the forest.

MAHIRU: And so the wolf was starving.

HYDE: I’m so hungry! Who was the stupid guy who said that there was a wolf in the forest?!

HYDE: I’m just a very, very kind wolf, ya know~?

(footsteps)

HYDE: Huh?

MAHIRU: The wolf was sure that he heard the sound of a human’s footsteps.

MAHIRU: When he took a small peek, what caught his eye was the deep red cloak.

(footsteps)

HYDE: (to himself) That’s… It’s Red Riding Hood, huh~ (laughs menacingly)

HYDE: (to himself) I’m so lucky to have my prey walk right in here!

HYDE: (comes out from his hiding place) Little miss, where are you going~?

MAHIRU: Are you hitting on him?!

HYDE: Yeah, I’m talking to you~ You wearing the red hood!

TSUBAKI: Eh? I—Me?

HYDE: Yes! Do you have food with you? I’m really starving, ya see?

TSUBAKI: Then, tell me something interesting~

HYDE: Huh…?

TSUBAKI: If you tell me something interesting I’ll give you some food.

TSUBAKI: You’re fine with some kibidango2, right~?

MAHIRU: That’s from Momotaro! I heard that he’d be the director so why’s he playing Red Riding Hood, too?!

TSUBAKI: Shirota Mahiru, I can hear you! I think I have more merit playing the main character than Sloth’s Sleepy Ash~!

TSUBAKI: My image color’s red, too~

MAHIRU: That’s all?!

BELKIA: (panting) Tsubakyun, the hunter’s not there. Geh! It’s a wolf!

SAKUYA: (in a monotone voice) Wah!

SAKUYA: Well, I’ll be running away so take care of the rest. (they run away)

TSUBAKI: Wait! Save me. That’s your role, right?

HYDE: I don’t remember there being a role like that.

HYDE: Anyway, are you really Red Riding Hood? It seems veeeeeeerrrry suspicious.

TSUBAKI: I didn’t draw it but I wanted to play this role. Got a problem with that?

MAHIRU: Of course we do! That’d make the cards meaningless then! What are you doing?!

TSUBAKI: It’s an impromptu show so don’t sweat the small stuff.

HYDE: I can’t go along with this! I have to go find the real Red Riding Hood.

MAHIRU: (sighs) When the wolf found out that it wasn’t the real Red Riding Hood, he went on his way.

MAHIRU: While he was walking, he saw a person’s figure by the refreshing shade of a tree.

(snoring)

HYDE: A red hood…? Is it the real one this time~?

MAHIRU: The wolf called out to the figure and slowly approached them.

HYDE: He~llo~ If you sleep here you’ll catch a cold, Nii-s— ah, no, Little Red Riding Hood!

KURO: Hmmm?

HYDE: What are you doing in a place like this?

KURO: I was on the way to visit someone but I suddenly got sleepy.

KURO: It’s the end for me… Go in my place.

KURO: I’ll… leave it… to you…

MAHIRU: You make it sound so gallant like you just got defeated by an enemy but you’re just gonna sleep!

(snoring)

HYDE: But isn’t this a chance? I should go to her grandma’s house and eat her while she’s here sleeping. And then when Red Riding Hood gets there later, I’ll eat her, too?

HYDE: (laughs) I knew it! I’m a genius!

HYDE: I got it! I’ll fulfil that request of yours.

KURO: Y-yeah… I’ll leave it to you. (snores)

HYDE: If you say so then I’ll go no—

(gun cocking sounds)

LICHT: Don’t move.

HYDE: …! Don’t tell me…! The hunter is Lichtan!?

LICHT: I’m not a hunter, I’m an angel!

HYDE: Ah… Eh… Um… You drew the ‘hunter’ card, didn’t you?

LICHT: Even as an angel, I can exterminate demons with this rifle.

LICHT: Today I am a sniper angel.

HYDE: I see…

MAHIRU: There’s nothing to be satisfied about that!

LICHT: Have you repented yet? Get lost, you shitty demon!

HYDE: Ah no, I’m not a demon, I’m a wol— (gunshot)

HYDE: EEEHHHH?!!! Why’d you bring a real gun!?

(gunshots continue)

HYDE: (panicking) Woah! Wai—wait!! Listen to me! (more gunshots)

HYDE: This is a fairy tale! We need to do it without violence! LOVE AND PEACE!!

LICHT: It won’t hit you if you keep running away! (gunshots)

HYDE: Of course I’d be running away!

MAHIRU: And then, a new figure suddenly appeared.

HUGH: Stop the needless scuffle!

LICHT: Who are you?

HUGH: If you keep shooting blindly, you might hit an innocent animal unexpectedly.

HUGH: Is that alright with you?

LICHT: …! That’s--- That’s not good…

HUGH: (panting) I—I’m also an innocent animal though…

LICHT: Bastard, what are you?

LICHT: Are you an angel? Or are you a demon?

HUGH: That is a great question. My name is Hugh the Dark Algernon III!

HUGH: I am a hunter in this forest.

HYDE: Don’t tell me… There’re two hunters?!

HUGH: This is my apprentice Tetsu.

TETSU: Hey, nice to meet ya.

MAHIRU: Wha—That’s too many hunters!

HYDE: Three hunters…? Isn’t 3 against 1 with a wolf a little unfair?!

LICHT: No, it’s not really. As long as it’s for cleaning up demons.

TETSU: Cleaning up? What’ll we do? Wash him like laundry?

HYDE: Please don’t treat people like dirty clothes!

HUGH: I’ve heard that this wolf is a bad one who eats people.

HUGH: It’d do us good to get rid of him now.

TETSU: I see. (cracks knuckles)

HYDE: Bare-handed even though you’re a hunter?!

HYDE: Please wait! I’ve never even eaten a human before!

HUGH: Hm? Is that so?

HYDE: I was just really starving and… I was only pestering passers-by to give me some of their food.

TETSU: What should we do, Hugh-sensei?

HUGH: I don’t think what he’s saying is true but never mind. I’ve decided to believe him.

LICHT: We won’t exterminate him…?

HYDE: Why do you sound a little disappointed?

HYDE: Wait—You mentioned that he’s your apprentice, right? Are you master and student?

TETSU: Yeah, Hugh-sensei’s amazing. Even though he’s small he can kill a bear in one strike.

HUGH: Tetsu’s doing pretty great for an apprentice, too!

HUGH: Even during the rain…

(flashback sort of scene)

(thunder claps)

HUGH: Not yet, Tetsu! We won’t go home until you throw that boar off the cliff.

TETSU: Yeah.

HUGH: Even during the strong winds…!

(flashback)

(strong wind blowing)

HUGH: Woah! I feel like I’ll be blown away!

TETSU: Are you alright, Sensei? Grab on to me.

HUGH: We’ve trained long and hard. Even now, we’re undefeated in this forest. We’re one in mind and spirit—

MAHIRU: Stop, stop! It’s a nice story but it’s got nothing to do with our play! Let’s leave that out!

MAHIRU: Meanwhile, at Grandma’s house…

MAHIRU: Mother Lily had delivered the grape juice and cake herself after Red Riding Hood forgot to bring it.

LILY: (sighs) Red Riding Hood’s taking so long… I wonder what path she took.

LILY: This area’s been pretty dangerous lately so I hope she didn’t run into some trouble.

MISONO: (scoffs) That one’ll do something about it on her own. Also, you didn’t have to visit me.

LILY: You’re still saying that. In truth you were really looking forward to it, weren’t you?

MISONO: …! That’s not true!

LILY: You even brought out your special tea cups~

MISONO: Th—That’s… I just happened to bring it out.

LILY: Now, now. I brought your favourite juice and cake so why don’t we eat first?

MISONO: It’s… It’s a chocolate cake, right?

LILY: Of course! It’s your favourite cake after all~

MAHIRU: At that time, a sudden knock on the door came.

(knocks)

MISONO: Is that Red Riding Hood?

LILY: (whispering) Misono, it should be the wolf according to how the story goes.

MISONO: (whispering) This is bad…! This is supposed to be the scene where I was sleeping alone…!

MISONO: Hide for now, Lily!

LILY: Even if you say that there’s no—

MISONO: Anywhere will do!

LILY: I- I understand! (Lily hides under a blanket)

(door opens)

TSUBAKI: Good afternoon, Grandma~!

BELKIA: Oh my~ She’s really sleeping~

SAKUYA: Wasn’t the setting something like her having a cold?

TSUBAKI: (quietly) Ah~ Wait a sec, look at that.

SAKUYA: Hm?

TSUBAKI: The futon is… raised suuupeeer high.

TSUBAKI: That means that Grandma was already eaten~

TSUBAKI: So, the one sleeping there is—

BELKIA: A WOLF?!

TSUBAKI: Wait! Your voice is too loud, Bel~

SAKUYA: What should we do? Is there a hunter around?

TSUBAKI: Let’s do this~ (they start whispering incoherently)

SAKUYA: Eh… That sounds troublesome…

BELKIA: Alright, Tsubakyun~

TSUBAKI: Let’s go~

TSUBAKI: Grandma~ Are you feeling okay?

MISONO: …

TSUBAKI: Ah! You’re suffering so much that you can’t even speak!

TSUBAKI: Your ears are getting so red, too!

MISONO: … It’s because of the cold… (coughs)

TSUBAKI: Your bed hair is so messy, too!

MISONO: It’s because I was sleeping from the cold…!

TSUBAKI: And you’ve gotten so small, too!

MISONO: That’s…! (stutters) I-it might be because of the cold! (coughs)

BELKIA: What sort of cold is that?

TSUBAKI: Your stomach’s this large, too~ Should we return it back to normal?

LILY: (muffled) Ow! That hurts…! My body’s gonna get crushed…!

MISONO: (screams in pain) My—my stomach’s fine so don’t touch it!

TSUBAKI: Ho-ho~ I knew it~ Your stomach’s full so touching it is bad, huh~

MISONO: Huh?

BELKIA: Fooling us won’t do you any good! The proof’s right here!

MISONO: Stop!

(Belkia removes the blanket)

LILY: Ah… Hey there…

TSUBAKI/BELKIA: Eh…?

MAHIRU: Meanwhile, in the forest…

MAHIRU: The wolf and the hunters were still arguing.

MAHIRU: I wonder how long they’ll keep at it…

HYDE: I told you! If I don’t go to where the Grandma is, the story won’t progress!

LICHT: You think that simply letting a wolf like you go would end in a happy ending? Die.

TETSU: That’s true, you have a point.

HUGH: Hmm… But what if he’s really innocent?

HYDE: Ah, geez! Someone save me please!

MAHIRU: At that time… Hiding around in the bushes was another person!

MIKUNI: You have nothing to worry about. I’ll go to where Misono is.

HYDE: Ah…! Don’t tell me… You’re a second wolf?!

HYDE: Thank goodness! I was so troubled.

MIKUNI: No, I’m a tree.

HYDE: Huh…?

MIKUNI: A tree. (in English) Tree.

MAHIRU: Why’d you have to repeat it in English?!

MIKUNI: I mean, I look like a tree, right? I’m wearing brown and all.

HYDE: … Isn’t a tree supposed to just be standing!? I’ve never seen a tree with this much lines!

LICHT: The demons keep multiplying…!

MIKUNI: Aw come on~ I’m just a normal tree.

MIKUNI: My aura’s just a little bit intense so I understand the misunder— (gasps) You’ve been staring for a while… Don’t look at my Abel with those eyes!

HYDE: No one was looking! If you’re a tree then what role does that doll play!?

MIKUNI: Hah?! Abel’s a doll. She can’t play any role. Are you alright in the head?

HYDE: Eh?

HYDE: Lichtan, give me that rifle.

MIKUNI: Violence? Oh my, how scary~ So scary~!

(video game beeping sounds)

HUGH: You went up another level, huh?

KURO: Well, I play it everyday so…

TETSU: This Pokamon’s3 not really easy to get, right?

TETSU: Mr. Sloth—no, Red Riding Hood, you’re amazing. I have so much respect for you now.

HUGH: Oh? My Gorochu’s4 at a very high level now too, you know?

MAHIRU: (sighs) Red Riding Hood and Hunter 2 and 3 suddenly started playing Pokamon for some reason.

MAHIRU: Meanwhile, at Grandma’s house…

TSUBAKI: A strange man came out from the bed where the wolf’s supposed to be. What’s going on?

MISONO: (clears throat) I think you’re misunderstanding something but, I’m not a wolf.

MISONO: Aren’t you guys the wolf?

TSUBAKI: We aren’t… the wolf?

MISONO: I’m the grandmother! Lily’s the mother.

LILY: Ohohohoho~

TSUBAKI: The situation’s getting more and more complicated now!

TSUBAKI: (laughs) So not interesting…

BELKIA: Why is the mother here? Isn’t she supposed to be watching the house?

MISONO: This is… Um, there was a lot that happened, see?

MISONO: More importantly, who are you guys?!

TSUBAKI: Me? I’m Little Red Riding Hood!

LILY: Huh? Isn’t Kuro supposed to be Red Riding Hood?

TSUBAKI: Who the hell decided that?

SAKUYA: Well, you only decided to do this on your own though.

MISONO: Don’t think that I’ll forgive you for that, bastard!

LILY: Ah, Misono, calm down. Your blood pressure’s rising.

MISONO: Don’t treat me like the elderly! I’m still young!

(knocks)

MISONO: Who is it this time?!

HYDE: (disguising his voice; over the door) Good afternoon, Grandmother. It’s me, Red Riding Hood.

HYDE: (disguising his voice; over the door) I came here to visit you after hearing that you’re not well.

MISONO: You’re too late!!

HYDE: Huh?

MISONO: I’m saying that you’re too late! Red Riding Hood’s already here.

MISONO: I’m busy right now! Go home!

HYDE: (over the door) EH?! Wait!

MISONO: You’re persistent! Don’t tell me, you’re supposed to be the bad guy?

MISONO: I’m not gonna do anything! I won’t go along with you!

(banging on the door)

HYDE: OPEN UP! Just when I finally got to do something wolf-like after running away from Lichtan!

(gun cocking sounds)

LICHT: I finally found you, shit rat.

HYDE: (panics)

LICHT: I’ll exterminate you with my angel powers this time for sure.

HYDE: AAAAAHHHHH!!!! (gunshots)

LICHT: Die. (more gunshots)

HYDE: NOO!!!

LICHT: DIEEEEE!!!

MAHIRU: And so, Grandma protected herself and wasn’t eaten by the wolf.

MAHIRU: Uh… At that time, the real Red Riding Hood was…

(video game beeping)

KURO: (sighs) Home is really calming.

KURO: The outside is so scary with wolves and hunters. Can’t deal.

MAHIRU: Red Riding Hood is… back at home like usual…

MAHIRU: All’s well that ends well…

MAHIRU: Get a grip, you NEET Red Riding Hood!

==END==

Translator’s Notes:

1 “Momotaro/桃太郎” (lit. Peach Boy) is a famous hero legend in Japan about an old, childless couple who found a giant peach floating in the river. When they opened up the peach to eat it, a boy came out of the peach saying that he was sent by the Heavens to become their child. Years later, Momotaro left to fight a lot of demons. Along with his companions, they go and fight the demon and he returns home victorious with his spoils from the war. [Source]

2 The kibidango/吉備団子 is a famous Japanese delicacy that has an eponymous reference to an old province in Okayama Prefecture, the origins of the Momotaro story. And so it has a strong connection with Momotaro as well as it is a food that he was said to have carried. [Source]

3 “Pokamon” is obviously a spoof on Pokemon XD

4 “Gorochu” is a parody of Pikachu.

※ Please don’t re-upload these translations anywhere without permission. ^^

#servamp #servamp translations #my translations #imagine if this track was made into an ova lolol #i feel so sorry for hyde #and mahiru for having to keep up with everyone's shenanigans XD

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

Text

Survey #181

"wine is fine, but whiskey’s quicker. suicide is slow with liquor.”

What’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone? I mean I'm not a virgin? Have you ever said “I love you” to someone and didn’t mean it? I don't believe so. Do your parents usually agree with your partners-of-choice? Yeah. I really don't know how Dad feels about me being with a girl currently, but he likes her personally. How many people do you like right now? (even the slightest bit) Legitimately, just one. My "I don't actually know this celeb but I'd 10/10 marry them" thing is just a joke. Do you believe little kids can fall in love? My guess is not until you reach a certain level of maturity where you can grasp the seriousness of "falling in love." But who really knows. What was the last dream that you can remember? On the morning I'm answering this one, I swear I had like ten or something last night. As time goes on though, they're starting to blur together. The one that stands out most tho is my sis and I became the first Americans (yes, that was a detail) to fully infiltrate a Russian, secret government base without being killed. Look idk either. Have you ever been rickrolled? Maybe? Do you like balogna? Yeah. It was my favorite lunch meat as a kid. Are you supersticious? No. What animals have you ridden? Horses and ponies off the top of my head. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done to someone you don’t know in public? I don't think I've done anything notable for this. Do you ever stick gum under seats? No, and my opinion of you greatly plummets if you do. Do you live somewhere where it’s completely safe to walk alone at night? I don't think those exist anymore. Have you ever lived with someone who was a total slob? When Dustin pretty much lived in the apartment with us... jc. Would you rather be able to talk to animals or be fluent in every language? Talk to animals. Does your kitchen have a pantry? No. Have you ever interviewed a job applicant at your workplace? N/A Have you ever gone over 3 months without shaving/waxing your legs? I don't shave them anymore unless I fear there's even a tiny chance someone might see them... Thanks, society. Are you high-maintenance? Definitely not. Would you ever consider being a foster parent? Being any kind of parent is off the list for me. What are some things that make others cry, that don’t make you cry at all? Idk, I'm a crybaby. Most sad songs don't, I guess. Are you a very detail-oriented person? Or are you better at seeing the big picture? Definitely the former. Do you have any upcoming plans with friends? lol What kinds of leisure activities did your family do together when you were growing up? Watch TV or sometimes play board games, probs. Occasionally all go in the pool together. Dragons or unicorns? I'm all 'bout dragons, man. Do you wish vampires existed? Um no. Do you sing in front of people you don’t know very well? How about dance? Nope. Have you ever sang/spoke/preformed in front of people on a stage? Sang in church choir and elementary chorus, read my D.A.R.E. report, and was in groups at dance recitals and competitions. Is it more fun or scary to do so? If you haven’t, then what would you think? Eh, it depends on your level of confidence in what you're performing. Like with dance, I was never that nervous as I knew what I was doing. Singing wasn't bad either because I was with others. Now reading aloud, alone, fuck that. I think anything alone would be scary. Would you rather slit your wrists than read Cosmo? I normally delete just plain stupid questions, but I'm leaving this here to hope and pray the author of this question sees me sincerely and genuinely say fuck you, you goddamn fly-swarmed shitpile with a maturity level surpassed by an infant's. Did you ever like barbies? Do you currently like barbies? They weren't really my thing, but I'd play with them if my sisters or friends wanted me to. What’s your favorite hit song right now? I don't know what the hit songs are right now. What’s your favorite element? (fire, water, air) Out of the traditional four, fire. Have you ever been to a wild party? No. Have you gone through any drastic life-changing experiences? If so, what was the most drastic? Depression and anxiety manifesting was absolutely life-changing, and then when you consider it resulted in PTSD, obviously the break-up was incredibly serious, but it also led towards my gradual recovery. What traits from your father would you like to pass down to your children? Don't want kids, but I'll answer as if I did. If that were the case, I like how he's not one for grudges, is very openly himself, and is super goofy. What is your biggest fault? It probably all boils down to my anxiety and trust issues resulting in me jumping to conclusions. If you could transform into any animal what would it be and why? Probably a snow leopard. Climate I love, super pretty, and I know I'd wanna be a feline anyway. What are the first three things you do when you wake up? Check the time, go to the bathroom, then it varies. Can you remember the first time you ever talked to the person you love/like? Does he/she remember? Ha, sure do, both through text and Skype... I'm sure she remembers the basics at least, too. Would you be able to have a relationship with someone you didn’t find attractive, if they had a nice personality and treated you well? Yeah. Have you ever really liked someone to begin with, then changed your mind about them? Maybe? Does your significant other/crush know about your Tumblr? Does he/she look at it? Yeah, and we follow each other, so. Do you ever feel a desire for sex at inappropriate times? Define "inappropriate?" What was the last thing that one of your parents bought for you? Fast food. Think about your first boyfriend/girlfriend. Did that person make you happy? What went wrong in the relationship? Sure, but just as friends. If you decided to dye your hair, would you choose to go lighter or darker? Lighter. I want more colorful hair. Is there a TV show or movie in which you’re incredibly emotionally attached to the characters? I don't think so "incredibly" since Meerkat Manor. Would you rather arrive super early or super late to class? Early. What’s something really basic that worries or troubles you on a consistent basis? It's a wonder I'm blanking here considering I know there's a load of things. What do you use the internet for the most? YouTube. On a scale of one to ten, how good is your memory? A goddamn one. It's been exceptionally awful lately. Do you worry about money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH. Do you have any health problems that are unusual for your age? Well, the memory thing, though it's probably just a side effect of my meds or actual ADD. My knees are atrocious, though, and after many, many tests, we still can't figure out what's wrong with them. What’s the longest nap you’ve ever taken? When does it no longer qualify as a nap? Maybe like... four hours at max? Are you more likely to expect the best or the worst of a situation? The worst. Always. Have you ever said or done something in public that resulted in a stranger’s response? Possibly. How many serious relationships have you been in? Two. Do you think you have a vivid imagination? Very, personally. What was the last song you listened to? "Sick Like Me" by In This Moment. How many hours a day do you spend on Facebook, if any? Not even one. Do you own your favorite film on DVD? Maybe? Idk if we replaced the VHS. Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere? On one occasion I basically screeched my lungs out on the porch. What’s your opinion on Nicki Minaj? I guess as a rapper she's good, she's indisputably quick as fuck, but I'm not a fan personally. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? Oh fuck yes. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah, when Dad would take me fishing and also on a 5th grade field trip to a horse-inhabited island near one of the lighthouses. We couldn't go to the lighthouse because the water was too rough. Have you ever been hopelessly in love with a celebrity? You can't be "in love" with someone you've never met and don't know personally. Generally speaking, do you like acoustic or original versions of songs better? Hm... tied, I think. What was the last band shirt you wore? Otep. Do you follow any celebrities on Twitter? I use Twitter only for Mark. That is all. What was the last flavor of pudding or yogurt you ate? Chocolate. What was the last thing you bought online, and how about in an actual store? With my own money, online it was Sara's ring I believe, and in a store was a snack. When was the last time you met someone who seemed very unpleasant? Hm. I honestly don't go out and meet people enough to answer this. Does anyone have a romantic interest in you, that you don’t return? Possibly, but it doesn't matter. Have your parents met the person you’re currently interested in? Yeah. What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Did you like it? Oh my fucking god, some kind of "fancy" vodka in a margarita. It was disgusting. Are your eyes the same color as your siblings’ eyes? Only my brother. What food(s) have you eaten a lot of recently? Nutrition/meal replacement shakes. Do you use the microwave a lot when it comes to cooking food? Yeah, 'cuz I can't cook. Are you currently trying to get over someone? No. Do you know anyone who’s been on TV? If so, which show? Not to my knowledge. Do you have any lockets with pictures inside? No. Have you ever liked a football player? No. What was the last thing you learned? Some snacks rats can eat. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. I'm very picky with all foreign food, actually. What’s your favorite scent? Freshly-baked bread, coffee, honeydew, lilacs... If you could house any pet, what would it be? Out of all pet options, uh... I suppose a horse or Saint Bernard if I had the means to properly care for them, too. Do you pluck your eyebrows? No. Do you like to swing? YEAH. How about jumping on a trampoline? I would if my knees weren't shit. If you could have any car, what kind would it be? Idk. I'm not educated on cars enough. What’s your favorite fast-food restaurant? I'm a slut for Wendy's. How often do you like to have sex? I'm not in a position where that's ever a thing yet. It wasn't something I thought about with Jason either, but we were pretty regular with sexual affection so we never went very long without, anyway. What’s your definition of weird? I don't care to define it, honestly. "Weird" can be good, bad, neutral... It's too vast a term and super subjective. Do you use shaving cream? That or lotion when I shave my legs. Have you ever personally known any girl who shaved their head? Well, she's an online friend, but I'd count her. Have you ever coughed up blood? I don't believe so. Who was the last person you hugged? My niece or nephew. What’s some of the worst pain you’ve ever felt? Mental: heartbreak and abandonment (both without any obvious prologue), rejection from who I cared about most, as well as deep hopelessness. Physical: having a cyst drained, an internal hemorrhoid, fracturing my wrist, having my tongue piercing redone and more accurately, a severe case of constipation I had as a little kid, an ear infection that made me want to chop it off and all out, a concussion, menstrual cramps before I was put on the pill... What kind of mouse pad do you have? I use a trackpad. What color is your mouse? ^ What’s your favorite dessert food? Ice cream, donuts, or red velvet cake omlllll. What is the closest thing to you right now that is alive? My dog Teddy. Are you an outcast? By the actual definition, no, though I feel it occasionally. Do you exercise? Ugh, no. I'm working on building back up my motivation to do Wii Fit again. What’s your favorite carnival food? (cotton candy, corn dogs, funnel cake) I haven't been to enough and gotten food to know many at all. Are you a very open-minded person? I think I am, and I feel that improves further like, daily. Are you modest? Probably sounds immodest to say, but I know I am. What kind of guys/girls do you usually fall for? Above all else, my consistent weakness seems to be the "weirdos." The ones that really stand out in their uniqueness. Do you skate? No. I mean, I'm capable of rollerblading, but it's not something I do every weekend or something. If you were to make it big with your own band what would it’s name be? Hell if I know. HAHA WAIT. My old username in some places, BulletsxButterflies, was based off my Rock Band band "Bullets And Butterflies" and like can you say #myaesthetic so that'd be pretty cool I suppose. ... Although it was inspired by the song "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" and I don't wanna get sued so like- What’s your favorite kind of pasta? Just normal spaghetti with sauce and meatballs. Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there? I GO OVER THERE. I am a SHIT host and there's nothing to do here anyway. What’s the perfect first date? Go to a sit-down restaurant (doesn't need to be expensive at all), just the two of you, and *talk*. Don't touch your phone, just talk and listen with honest interest in your partner. I think this is especially important if you started dating shortly after meeting, as now that you're together, you really need to get to know each other. If you were good friends prior, you should already be pretty familiar with the other, and then I think things are a bit more flexible. Have you ever had rabies? No. Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? *shrugs* Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No. Have you ever received a note in your locker? I believe I did in middle school from Aaron? What was the last birthday present you bought for someone? A personalized chameleon mug for my darling. Did you get grounded often as a child? No more than usual, I guess? If you have a car, how much does it take to fill up your gas tank? N/A What’s your favorite album from your favorite music artist? Ozzy's "Black Rain." Every song is absolutely amazing, replayed more times than I ever wanna count, and it was my introduction to metal. Was the last person you held hands with a significant other? No, Aubree took my hand as well as she could to take me to her brother's room. Do you remember the brand of your first cell phone? Uhhhh... Blueberry, maybe? What is your Facebook cover picture? A pink pastel background-type thing. Last video game you played? Shadow of the Colossus. I beat it all over again to start my Time Attack grind, but I'm thinking of waiting til I get the PS4 remake one day to do so. When did you last try a new restaurant? Back when I was up at Sara's again. Does “out of sight, out of mind” work for you? Usually no. Do you have any friends whose birthday is this month? MY BABY If you have a favorite actor/actress, which of their movies is your favorite? For Betty White, idk. Depp, Alice in Wonderland. Are you currently expecting anything to arrive in the mail? No. What is your favorite kind of salad? Just bring me a ship full of Olive Garden's salad and I'll be g. Do you own a tablet of any kind? No. How many minutes is the longest song in your music library? I'm not sure, but off the top of my head, probably "Call of Ktulu" by Metallica. What is a brand name you don’t really care for? Any?? Idc. Do you prefer sleeping in complete silence or with background noise? Not complete silence, but quiet, simple background noise. When was the last time you weighed yourself? Today. As I do almost everyday even tho you're not advised to. Oops. Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith? No. The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save? Just five ah screw you man. Considering both those I hold close to myself but also people I feel would help recover the world for the better, and also assuming you don't include animals: Sara, Mom, Mark Fischbach, my psychiatrist (he's so fucking knowledgeable on medication that the world does not need to lose all that information), and probably Jane Goodall. Well idk, she's up there in age and may not last very long, but. asjfapwuw this is a hard question, I'm trying to consider who I love personally but also who would be capable of properly rebuilding humanity, or at least give us last six (if I'm alive, too?) a happy end to our lives. What is one thing that you are proud of, that you think lacks praise/lacks appreciation from the people around you? It could be a simple thing; it could be a secret thing. Ummmm... idk. What is the funniest one-liner Tumblr text post you’ve ever read? THERE'S SO MANY What is the absolute hardest thing about staying alive? Staying in a mentally sound place. If you're not okay in your own head, that makes living so, so very hard, and too many people get there. What is a book that has been recognized as ‘great literature’ that you dislike? Why? *shrugs* I enjoyed those I recall reading. Except one I don't remember the name of. Do you believe in the supernatural? Absolutely, 110%. What was the last thing you cried about? Probably my current groundhog day cycle. Are you mad at yourself about anything? Always, sure, but in like, the back of my mind. It doesn't dominate my thoughts. What was the last thing you cooked on the stove? Eggs. What pharmacy do you use? Harris Teeter's. Are you proud of yourself or disappointed in yourself? Both. What do you consider the perfect temperature for winter? ~50 is my preferred temperature always. What does your umbrella look like? I think ours is black? What is something you wanted as a kid but never got? One of those little crane machines with stuffed animals in it. I had one for candy, I think... but apparently that wasn't enough for Young Brittany. What is something you were scared of as a kid? Porcelain dolls. Still make me uncomfortable. Do you like your current driver’s license picture? My permit one is HIDEOUS. What is your favorite Elvis song? "Devil In Disguise." Do you think you could be the next American Idol? Hell no. Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, easily. Do you prefer fruity candy canes or peppermint-flavored? I like both, but the former is my fave. Do you eat too much candy? No. If you ever took dance classes, what were your favorite classes? Jazz. Have you ever been bullied because of the things you like? I don't think so? Have you bullied others because they like things you do not? No. Were there any classes you enjoyed because of the teacher? Not "enjoyed," but made them better. Have you ever been a bad friend? I'm sure I have. Has a friend ever replaced you with somebody else? Yup. At least it really feels like it. Have you ever disliked something just because it was popular? Admittedly, I think there were some things when I was newly a teen and developing that "I'm not like others" mentality. Have you ever watched a movie just because it starred an actor you liked? Maybe? What about just because it starred an actor you thought was good-looking? ... I'm deadass tempted to see Aquaman because of this lmfao but I'm not going to. Are there actors/musicians you have met? No. Do you ever judge people based on the music they listen to? Nah. What would you say are your top five bands/artists? Gaaah... I'll try here. Ozzy, Metallica, Otep, Manson, and Korn, maybe? Has anyone ever told you that you were really pretty? Yeah. Do you listen to a wide variety of music? No. Most are some kind of metal and rock, but I do have some really random artists/bands I like, such as Melanie Martinez or Marina and the Diamonds. Did you ever go through a phase when you didn’t want to take medicine? No. Was the last book you read good? Yeah. Do you make grocery lists? I don't do the shopping, so no. Do you have stomach problems? It can be finicky every now and again, especially with "fancy" food. Do you enjoy editing photos? Yes! Peace signs or hearts? Hmmm, idk. I guess it depends on the style. What kind of pie is your favorite? None. Do you have a strong relationship with your parents? I feel very, very few parent-child relationships exist stronger than my mom's and mine. Dad and I are good, too. Do you know your best friend’s middle name? Yeah. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Is your Facebook profile private? Yeah. How many true friends do you have? Like four? Who has your Facebook password? Me and Mom. Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? Pretty much never. Do you believe in aliens? I'm neutral. Do you like pineapple? Yessss. Is there anyone you dislike, that you have to see/speak to regularly? No. Are you living with anyone that isn’t related to you? No, if you don't include pets. How many people would you say you’ve been “in love” with? Two. Which one of your relatives are you most likely to argue/disagree with? MY GRANDMA. How much do you monthly pay for mortgage or rent? If you don’t, how much is your cell-phone bill? N/A What is your favorite grocery store to shop at, and how often do you shop for groceries? Sam's Club got them deals. But I don't do the grocery shopping. How many hours do you work a week? If you don’t work, do you plan on finding a job? If so, when? I'm getting help from vocational rehab now to find a job perfectly appropriate for me. Where did you have your first kiss? What about your last kiss? His bed; airport. When is the next time you will be going out of town? 18th for my therapy appointment. Hour away. What is the last thing you spoke to your father about? Phone bill. Where did you spend Christmas or any other winter holiday? My sister's house. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? Myself. Do you like shopping alone? I wouldn't know. Do you have any scratches on your cell phone? A small one. When was the last time you blushed? Idk. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? Most of my sister's exes. Almost all, really. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? Well, the DS is in here. Have you ever done another person’s make-up? Jason's as just a joke. What is one thing you don’t like sharing? My drawings or writings if you're in my "real" life. Online is like... mostly np, but otherwise, don't fucking look. If I share a drink with you too, that means a loooot. Where on your body would you NEVER get a piercing? You know... ~the spot~ Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? Idk. Did your parents ever read stories to you before bed? Yes. Would you be considered more of a teacher’s pet or a class clown? I was inadvertently the teacher’s pet like... always. Do you have any family members who are mean to you for no reason? No. Do you have to do any yard work? No. Do you have a nativity scene in your home? Mom will put it up eventually. If you’re a girl, what color is your favorite bra? Navy. Would you rather make a snow angel or snowman? Snowman. What is the best antique shop in your town? *shrugs* Does creating make you happy? YES YES YES YES!!!! Do you have abusive family members? No. What US city would you most like to visit? Idk. What country in the world would you most like to visit? Japan, probably. Or Scotland. Do you have your wedding all planned out in your head? No. Do you sell things online a lot? No. Is there anyone you secretly miss? No. What color are your Christmas lights? On our tree that isn't up yet? Rainbow. Owls or penguins? Owls.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

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rorykillmore · 6 years

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and then hmm are there any post-denny aus you haven't talked about before? or any you've changed/developed more recently?

honestly i should at some point come up with one for lucille because there’s like, no way that going back to her world wouldn’t be terrible (i mean technically, she’s dead there, so) and going to maria’s doesn’t seem like it’d be much better but like…. idk, there’s no one else she’d really wanna go hang out with. maybe she should just hitch a ride to camille’s world, the gillian flynn cinematic universe, where all brutally flawed and complicated female characters with a history of murder end up eventually,

i’ve talked to death about these already and i don’t reeeeally have any new ideas for them rn, but siobhan’s post-denny guardians of the galaxy au is still one of my favorite things ever, and also the ultimate act of betrayal in her ditching the dc world for the marvel one,

my post-denny au for sara/kara/caitlin was pretty interconnected and huge because fate, storm and i worked on it for like… ages, and now it includes newer characters like maive too, so that one’s pretty cool and always has room for expansion. i know fate might bring ratchet back, but my general policy for post-denny aus is “once characters are dropped, you can’t prove that they didn’t actually happen” so UNTIL he comes back and we have to revert to canon… i like to think that ratchet and kara are together. the original premise was basically like, sasuke and ratchet end up back in kara’s world, and then the deo/team flash/dctv’s general assortment of scientific minds work on a way to make rifting to other worlds possible, and sasuke and ratchet get sent back home but a general agreement is struck to keep their rifts open so that like… kara/ratchet/sasuke can become protectors of the multiverse. and then this whole thing happens where kara gets stranded in the transformers world and then goes back to the deo to get clearance to allow some of the deceptions through to build a sanctuary on her earth, so that’s how THEY got involved

anyways yeah whenever i get sad about kara and ratchet being dropped i like to imagine them hanging out, inseparable to the end

i’m always really torn about… dolores’ post-denny au because i can’t decide what the most interesting. scenario would be. and thus out of indecision i haven’t really fleshed it out that much. because while her giving up the potentially stable, maybe even happy future she has on denny to go back to this horrific warzone is really sad…. it’s also what she’d want. i don’t think she’d ever really be able to get past needing to take down delos.

but from there, i don’t really know what the most interesting route would be? at one point i thought like, some of the hosts who don’t end up in the valley beyond or who just want something more… real than that coming to kara’s world to chill with the decepticons could be really really cool for a lot of reasons. that provides them with a solution they didn’t have in canon and idk, maybe dolores would even be tempted by it. then she might get to see laurel again, too, and would probably at least be tempted to stay with her….

but i also…. really like the way westworld season 2 ended for her so i’m like….. hm. how could i still play with that. maybe she helps some of the hosts get to the decepticon sanctuary but then takes off because she still can’t quite let go of her anger everything that happened and everything she feels isn’t settled, and then she can run into some denny people a couple years after that or something….

post-denny it’d actually be really cool for her to run into cloud a couple of times too, post-him turning, because i like the idea of them being like… weird immortal friends over the years and it’d be really interesting to see what they make of each other’s worlds

partially related, sophie really needs a post-denny au because no way does she deserve to go back to the fuckin’ true blood universe only to get killed by BILL. she should get to retire somewhere nice. idk sophie just becomes a final fantasy character. or she goes to like, idk, alucard’s world and is just like “what’s with all the nazis”,

#thanks spear!!#a lot of these don't have their details nailed down yet but i like thinking about em #cuts dennys lvad wire #larkspear

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wtnv-panels · 6 years

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Good Morning Night Vale, episode 3: “Good Morning Station Management”

Symphony: The arctic is lit by the midnight sun. The surface of the moon is lit by the face of the Earth.

Meg: Our little town is lit too, by lights just above that we cannot explain.

Hal: [Cecil voice] Good morning, Night Vale.

Meg: Hello all, welcome to Good Morning Night Vale. My name is Meg Bashwiner and I play the voice of Deb on the podcast Welcome to Night Vale, and I’m here co-hosting or tri-hosting this show wiith �� Hal Lublin and Symphony Sanders.

Symphony: Hey, I’m Symphony Sanders and I play Tamika Flynn.

Hal: I’m Hal Lublin and I play Steve Carlsberg.

Meg: We are here discussing episode 3 of Welcome to Night Vale, “Station Management”, on this podcast we dissect and discuss episodes of Welcome to Night Vale, and this episode is “Station Management”.

Hal: Here is the description. “It’s contract renewal time with Station Management and the negotiations get tricky, plus a new city litter initiative, books stop working, and a creeping fear comes to town.”

Meg: So so many things. So yeah, it was such a fun episode to go back to, I forgot how deeply strange and weird this one is and how unsettling it ends. Spoilers for the end: it has a very unsettling end.

Symphony: Yeah espec- I wrote I think just the end: “leaves on a scary note.” Cause you’re not sure what happens and Cecil sounds pretty panicked in this one.

Meg: Yeah this was definitely one of the ones where I went to, like went to the next episode right away, be like do we get a follow-up on this, do we like, I pulled out my script book, I was like what happens next, but spoilers, business as usual.

Hal: I had a weird revelation listening to this episode, and it made me think of, of panels that we’ve done at different Comic Cons. And stuff that Jeffrey and Joseph have said, because people, the fans of this show have created such a strong visual canon for what they think the characters look like. And I know Joseph and Jeffrey have hit upon over and over again that that’s up to your interpretation, we never really descri- like, not that the show is devoid of visual description, but that they don’t pinpoint characters necessarily in exactly what they look like, there’s no third eye or flame tattoos, or any of the things that have become normal. And yet, listening to this…

Symphony: They’re tentacles!

Hal: They were tentacles, right right.

Symphony: [laughs]

Hal: Sorry, my version is flames. Um…

Symphony: Oh sorry, your head canon.

Hal: But uh it just struck me how visually descriptive this felt. And I dunno if that’s me putting it on, because the music really helps to guide my visual sense when I’m listening to it. But I did feel like there were more descriptions of how things looked, and details than I would have expected just based on the talks that we’ve had about it in the past. Does that make sense?

Symphony: Yeah totally. Like when they are describing what the Station Management potentially looks like through the door, and what the office looks like and how it’s like basically impossible, like almost Tardis style, bigger than it’s supposed to be. And then…

Hal: Yeah.

Symphony: When they’re coming to get Cecil I guess, [chuckles] like when he’s hiding under the desk, you know he hears the clicking sound and all that stuff and like, you know you can, he talks about how you can make out certain things throughout that. But also if you look at Telly the Barber, he’s super described in this episode, like what he looks like so I thought that was pretty cool.

Meg: Yeah there was a, they’re really good at describing the monster, and describing what the monster looks like in this episode. And yeah what you just said Symphony, where they talk about what Telly looks like, and Telly’s got a lot of defining characteristic, he has like a [pudgy or paunchy?] belly and…

Symphony: Yeah. [chuckles]

Meg: (Like you have an age). So yeah, Station Management is very very frightening, and it’s definitely a frightening episode. We get in the world of Night Vale, we kill our first intern, we think.

Symphony: Yeah.

Meg: Intern Chad is eulogized in this episode, and there’s also Jerry, who’s eulogized in this episode, although Chad makes it.

Hal: Yeah.

Meg: We know, Chad comes back later…

Symphony: Oh.

Meg: Chad has the episodes about him and…

Symphony: It’s the same Chad?

Meg: It’s the same Chad, he gets out, we just think he’s dead.

Symphony: [laughs] I love that Cecil’s willing to just give up on them like he’s not really sure that they’re even dead, but he’s just like, to their families.

Meg: Yeah and then 80 episodes later, we get more information about Chad. And Chad makes waves.

Symphony: Is this the first time that an intern is eulogized?

Meg: I believe this is our first, (--) intern death count.

Symphony: Ooh. I feel like we should make a list or something.

Meg: Yeah.

Symphony: You know, of all the interns that have gone to the hereafter. I think that’d be fun.

Meg: Yeah. Or those that we think have gone to the hereafter and don’t, there’s definitely some resurgence, there’s a couple interns that die and then return (to us), so…

Symphony: Yeah and there’s some people that get all like, with the orange juice thing, like they’re not dead necessarily like they just…

Hal: [laughs]

Symphony: …go invisible or something?

Hal: Yeah. I love how you’re sort of dropped into the middle of this, of what’s going to become a running joke. And I think that’s, what works so well about it is the idea that this has happened some time ago, but he’s now just getting around to telling the parents, because it’s so commonplace.

Symphony: Right.

Hal: At the station that these interns are gone, that it’s like oh yeah also to your parents, too bad. He was a good kid.

Meg: Yeah, which is the best way to tell someone that their child has died.

Hal: Yeah.

Meg: It’s just on the radio program (be like) also… [laughter]

Symphony: Also this person has passed away.

Hal: Another thing that struck me in this episode is another thing that I remember sorta early on when Night Vale kinda blew up and people were looking for a way to describe it quickly, is they would describe it as being like Lovecraftian. And I wonder if this episode is the genesis of that, because they talk about the tentacles coming out, the way he describes Station Management seems kinda Cthulhu-esque…

Symphony: Right.

Hal: And I can imagine that something people held on to and made that the, ‘cause I know that Jeffrey and Joseph sorta don’t subscribe to that, you know they’re like, well it’s not supposed to be Lovecraftian. But this might have been the place where people sorta hooked into that first.

Symphony: Yeah, I think that could have been the origin of that, but you know, I dunno how that got onto Cecil, you know what I mean, or is it just like, almost like a living embodiment of, like maybe he’s part of (-), I don’t know. Or just tentacles look cool.

Hal: Mm hm.

Meg: Tentacles are scary. Yeah octopus are a scary animal, because they’re everywhere and they’re super smart.

Symphony: They are, and they can get out of like tiny holes, have you seen that video..?

Meg: I have seen that video where that…

Symphony: Ooooh, so grody!

Meg: Yeah, good for them though.

Hal: When I was a kid, I had an irrational fear of octopi as a child, like in any depth of water, I thought this is the time, I know how it’s gonna happen, it’ll wrap its legs or or tentacles around me, I’ll be dragged to the bottom of the sea and it won’t even be bites, I’ll be wholly consumed in one gulp. And then I saw Popeye, the Robert Altman Popeye, with that giant sea creature, which somehow in my memory is the world’s biggest octopus. And that was like, that’s what they all look like, it’s coming for me! Guaranteed, let’s not go to the swim club.

Meg: And then there’s Ursula the sea witch.

Symphony: True.

Meg: Which I was a little afraid of Ursula tho a child, but as an adult woman I identify with her. [laughter] So…

Symphony: But she would have to eat you through her mouth, ‘cause she was like a half octopus, she was bottom half octopus, top part woman.

Meg: Yeah. She was like a mer-octopus. Yeah, there’s a little bit confused identity there and that’s fine.

Symphony: Right.

Meg: That’s fine. But yeah, she had like a person top half.

Symphony: Right, yeah.

Meg: [overlapping speech]

Symphony: But I think anatomically if you look at an octopus, like don’t they eat with the bottom bit?

Hal: Yeah. It’s the (-) pit, but it swims.

Symphony: [laughs]

Hal: That’s what it is.

Meg: Yeah. They’re also delicious and I feel bad, it’s one of the animals that I feel really bad about eating.

Symphony: ‘Cause they’re so smart.

Meg: They’re so smart like, yeah I’m not gonna eat a dolphin or a dog but I’m, you know I occasionally eat a pig. Not a whole pig but a portion of a pig.

Symphony: Do you think it’s because it’s ugly?

Meg: No, I think pigs are beautiful, I just think that they’re so…

Symphony: No octopus, octopus.

Meg: No I think octopus are pretty too. I, I dunno there’s also just, to me it’s like they’re tastier than I am morally attached to them.

Symphony: [laughs]

Hal: I wanna see that Venn diagram so badly, I need that drawn out for me, please. [laughter]

Meg: Back to the show, we have the whole Carlo’s haircut thing that happens, and it’s first description of Carlos we get in the pilot is that Carlos has perfect hair, and then in this episode we have Telly cutting the perfect hair. And it’s just so crashing for Cecil, and we’re not entirely sure why yet, why this is this horrible thing when it’s just a haircut but it’s like, we’re cool with the interns dying, but the haircut, that’s the problem.

Symphony: And he’s so mad about it, that’s how he goes into the whole like, Telly description, it’s almost like he’s calling on his listeners to go after Telly. Right? Kind of.

Meg: Yeah.

Hal: Yes. Again, this is like the continuation of, the early seeds planted of Cecil being an unreliable narrator. Because he’s, almost all his reaction and what he personally believes as opposed to the fact, it’s like he had perfect hair, he got it cut, here’s the monster that did it, let’s go get him, he’s terrible.

Symphony: Yeah.

Meg: Yeah. I definitely have those feelings about previous eyebrow waxers of mine, but that’s for another time and another please.

Hal: Wait no, it’s for right now, what how because, I have a question about this. I have a lot of, I get the hair in the middle like my eyebrows are trying to shake hands all the time.

Symphony: Yeah.

Hal: But I shouldn’t wax it, ‘cause it sounds terrible. Couldn’t, did somebody ever wax your entire eyebrow off by mistake? I’m curious.

Meg: No, never the whole eyebrow, but I definitely had varying degrees of, either looing like Teen Wolf or looking like the most Jersey I possibly could be, having been born in New Jersey.

Symphony: (--).

Meg: Yeah, 1998 Drew Barrymore, like…

Symphony: Yees! I was actually looking at old pictures of myself ‘cause it was new headshot day recently. And I was like, god my eyebrows were so thin! But it was like, the look was to have thin very sharp eyebrows and now it’s a little bit more, you know, you gotta fleek it, you gotta fleek the eyebrow.

Meg: Yeah. You gotta fleek it and sometimes you go to get your eyebrows done, as this is the beauty podcast where we talk about getting your eyebrows done. And you pay them depending on where you go and anywhere from 8 to 25 dollars and they do nothing, they take like a little bit off and you’re like I look exactly the same. Or you go and they take way too much. Or you find the perfect person and they do a great job and then you move, or they move.

Symphony: Or they move. Something happens.

Meg: So Hal, don’t get your eyebrows waxed ‘cause it’s just, you’re setting yourself up for a new part in your life where you can be disappointed, by yourself and by others.

Hal: Oh another one? Not interested, yeah I’ll pass, hard pass on that.

Symphony: Well do it yourself or have your wife do it.

Hal: I don’t want… Jennifer! Do you wanna wax my eyebrows? She’s not answering, I don’t think she’s interested.

Symphony: [chuckles]

Meg: If it’s just the center and you’re a dude, you’re already shaving part of your face, you can just fft, just right down the center with that razorblade, you don’t have to worry about it.

Hal: Yeah!

Meg: You’re not-

Hal: I do and then, but I also think, what if I create like a, what if they get too far apart and I always look surprised?

Meg: But it’s a good thing to always look surprised, you always look like you’re feeling something.

Symphony: Which is different from normal if…

Meg: You’ll have resting surprise face.

Hal: Mmmm, I don’t wanna fool people, I feel nothing.

Symphony: So let’s talk about the contract negotiation, huh? Normally in the general contract negotiation, you go back and forth right, you talk to people. But they don’t get to see them. So he slides an envelope under the door, and oh no the envelope gets slid to him and he has to yell his response through the door. What do you think about that? In terms of uh, business.

Hal: I’m against it. [chuckles] Although it does feel like, that feels to me like the frustration of dealing with office politics.

Symphony: Yeah.

Hal: Blown up, which I think the best sort of fantastic writing has some basis in reality so you have kind of a handle to hold onto, that brings you into it. And that idea that you’re not being heard by the people above you, and they just sorta spit out whatever they feel. And you have to be careful about what you shout, because you don’t wanna make them angry. You know, I think there are a lot of people in their jobs who constantly feel threatened, as if today’s the today I’m going to be found out, today is day I’m gonna be fired. And so you’re walking on eggshells and I think this sorta encapsulates that feeling of general negotiation.

Symphony: Right.

Meg: Yeah. I will say it’s not a good business practice, although I’m open to new ways of doing this. I mean we’ve been negotiating contracts and (--) for years that we’ve been normally doing it so, out of the box thinking right, try something new. Yeah, this is interesting look at the office culture and how it is like, how we are blowing it up to, to poke holes in what it is and showing it as the big monster. Another thing that they talk about, (--) next are talking about the Night Vale Daily Journal, and how it is an unbiased, it is an unbiased publication. Yeah it’s so, interesting where we are right now with our relationship to the media and Night Vale’s relationship to the media and this was, this aired six years ago, this episode almost six years ago, and that was the relationship to the media then, which is even more magnified now, where it’s this focus on being unbiased and unbought. And there’s actually more of that stuff in the next episode, it’s kind of an interesting look on how the Night Vale media has the similar threat to the media in our world.

Hal: I keep being hit with this sense of dread as I listen to the show. Which I’m enjoying, I’m enjoying going back through, but I keep thinking to myself, I wish this was less relevant. I wish I was listening to it as a time capsule rather than, uh, something that actually was not only expressing frustration with how things were then, but it seems just more magnified now and that part of it is a little painful.

Meg: And they should have told us if they did, they should have (let it) so they could have turned out some voters in Pennsylvania, if they had.

Symphony: Mm, mm hm.

Meg: Yeah, send Hillary to Michigan and really just… [chuckles]

Symphony: Yeah definitely I was thinking about that, how people are biased against our media because of perceived partisanship. And uh, having that be such a big deal in Night Vale is pretty poignant, now going back through it but like, did they realize at that time that it was going to be that way?

Meg: I’m gonna say yes 100 per cent.

Symphony: Right!

Hal: [laughs]

Meg: No.

Symphony: If you’re a seer, you should really just like put it out there.

Hal: (Mockeagan?).

Symphony: (Milchefun?) Can’t wait ‘til we get to that episode. [laughs] And like now that’s a good thing that people say, do you think (-) got that from Night Vale?

Meg: I’m gonna say yes 100 per cent. No.

Symphony: And then uh, Larry Leroy, but I dunno why every time I hear his name I think Larry LeRoy. I dunno why.

Hal: There’s no other way, no other way.

Meg: So you wanna make it a little fancier, that’s a good impulse.

Symphony: I’m a fancy gal, that’s why.

Meg: I loved the traffic report in this episode, it’s hilarious.

Symphony: Yeah.

Meg: It’s, yeah they’re breaking down the trope of a news report and giving it just a hilarious traffic report where it’s just someone watching traffic and reporting back on that.

Symphony: And imagine like what Cecil’s, what the studio must look like if he’s like oh no, that guy you know. It’s like can you actually see it or he’s getting a play-by-play, what’s happening?

Hal: Right, is it the store front radio station from Northern Exposure. Or I always imagine the studio is more of a vault, and maybe this is only when I go uh, when we do live shows and I go on stage I’m supposed to be in his studio, I get a very specific idea in my head of what it looks like. And it’s never anywhere outside, it’s definitely deep within the building. Like no windows…

Meg: Yeah, I don’t have windows in my head canon about this, OK so my head canon for the Night Vale radio is just where they were, like the Frasier recording studio but like bizarro Frasier. So it’s like…

Symphony: So the producer is like outside, like Roz.

Meg: Yeah. It’s like the Frasier studio but everything is weird. [laughter]

Hal: In my mind, similar to when we were discussing the bathroom, what I thought that looks like, I always think it looks like a studio that was top of the line renovated in 1958. And it’s been 50 or 60 years, and it’s not falling apart, but it definitely needed to be updated at least 30-40 years ago.

Meg: It’s got those mid-modern vibes, but not in a good way.

Symphony: Yeah. And I always in my head think that there’s always flashing lights, just like flickering lights everywhere. Everyone’s (-) to epileptic fits, you know? [laughter]

Meg: They can never get those halogen bulbs in just right.

Symphony: So Cecil is recovering from Lyme disease?

Meg: That’s, that was yeah, there’s a fun fan theory that we’ll talk about with that, when we get to the fan theory section. But yeah offhanded Cecil is just like oh that’s also, when the creeping dread comes in, it could just be recovering from Lyme disease. Which is good, I’m glad that Cecil was diagnosed and got treatment for Lyme disease, ‘cause it’s a very bad, very serious disease.

Symphony: I know I was thinking about that I’m like can you be um, like you can lose faculties of your legs and stuff?

Meg: Yeah. Lots of not good things can happen to your body from Lyme disease. Your joints and there’s, yeah it’s a really bad one and it’s really often misdiagnosed or not diagnosed.

Symphony: And it’s ticks right, ticks?

Meg: Yeah, ticks are carriers of it. Very um, the ticks feed on, they’re called deer ticks, but uh I think it’s really the ticks are feeding on the mice, and the mice spread the disease.

Symphony: I know no one can see my face right now, but it’s in a [chuckles] upturned scowl.

Hal: Disgusted snarl.

Symphony: [laughs] That’s a much better description.

Hal: Yeah, I remember the Lyme disease being referenced on the Thrilling Adventure Hour crossover episode. And like going, wait, really? For some reason in my head then, that was where it was introduced. But it was established that was canon, like I found that I think in rehearsal, that it had already been established I was like, boy this is, this is levels of deep that I have not visited, ‘cause I couldn’t, it’s like a throwaway!

Symphony: Right! And even now going back to it, and I was like oh yeah, I forgot about that. Because it isn’t referenced and when it is it’s just like, oh yeah. You know, there’s just so many things it’s like oh yeah, this is just the way it is. I have Lyme disease.

Meg: There’s also a really good Big Rico’s ad read that happens during this.

Symphony: Yes!

Meg: We get the slogan, “no one does a slice like Big Rico”.

Symphony: That is also like the only pizza in town, because literally all the other ones had been burned down.

Hal: Oh my god.

Symphony: You know, and it’s like, it’s mandated for you to eat at Big Rico’s. But I kinda wanna eat there still.

Meg: Yeah I mean it’s pizza.

Symphony: I love pizza.

Hal: I do too, but I have a feeling their pizza is like Roundtable. And if you like Roundtable, there’s nothing wrong with that except that the pizza is terrible and you could do better. I want you to do better. I’m like for you, this is not about what I think, I want better for you, in life. You deserve it.

Symphony: Wait, what’s a roundtable?

Hal: Exactly.

Symphony: Uh.

Hal: It’s like Domino’s but not as good, is that painting the picture for you?

Symphony: Another disgusted scowl. [laughs]

Hal: There it is, yeah.

Symphony: I mean I feel a little biased as I am a Chicagoan, that you know pizza is where my heart is, and my heart is directly in my stomach.

Hal: It’s a knife and fork food for you, because it’s deep dish, right?

Symphony: Actually, yeah I do like deep dish, but like only occasionally, you can’t eat it all the time otherwise, especially not me ‘cause I’m like, have lactose intolerance so…

Hal: Ooh!

Symphony: That cheese, woo boy!

Meg: You’re also a little sensitive to tomato sauce sometimes, too you get the reflux.

Symphony: I get the heartburns.

Meg: Yeah.

Symphony: I get the acid reflux. But yeah, I personally like a nice crispy thin-crust pizza with, I’m more of a topping person, not a crust girl.

Meg: I love crust. I just had good Jersey pizza from a place called Esposito’s in Cedar Grow, New Jersey, shoutout. And it’s…

Symphony: Sponsor us.

Meg: They just, oh oh, seriously scatter my ashes there…

Hal: Officially sponsors.

Meg: The place is excellent. And we asked for broccoli and they forgot to put the broccoli on, we just got a plain and it was delicious, I think toppings are great but you can really measure a pizzeria on their plain.

Symphony: And it’s like your toppings to sauce to (cheese) to crust ratio. You know, that really is gonna make the difference.

Meg: Yeah, their crust is perfect, it’s like Michealangelo just did the Italian gesture of kiss noise thing like…

Symphony: You’re like [smack, smack]…

Meg: Whenever I’m doing rapid fire Q and A’s at panels I always ask Joseph and Jeffrey whoever I’m doing the lightning round with, Big Rico’s or Moonlite All-Nite?

Symphony: And what’s usually the answer?

[ad break]

Meg: Hey, it’s Meg. You might know me from the podcast that you’re listening to, or the other podcast that you like to listen, Welcome to Night Vale. I am also the tour manager and tour director for Night Vale Presents, and have spent the past year sending over 1,000 emails and looking at many spreadsheets and shouting into the void. Now it is time for you to shout back from the void at me and tell me that you are going to get tickets to the brand new 2018-2019 Welcome to Night Vale live world tour. That’s right, we’re going into the world. You know the world, you live there. We’re going to over 40 cities in North America, in Europe, in the UK. You probably are near one of them, and if you’re not, I’m so sorry and I am the person to yell at, please don’t tweet at Joseph Jeffrey and Cecil. But speaking of Cecil and Symphony and Disparition and yet to be named guest stars, we are going to be coming to you to bring you this brand new show which deals with – secrets in the world of Night Vale. I have a secret: seeing you at live shows is my favorite thing. Tickets and information at welcometonightvale.com.

[ad break ends]

Meg: What do you pick for Big Rico’s or Moonlite All-Nite?

Symphony: I think I, oh that’s tough. I think I’m gonna go with Big Rico’s.

Meg: OK.

Symphony: Even tho I do like diner food.

Meg: Halligator?

Hal: I love pizza so much. And now it’s the last thing we talked about, so like a dog I’m like that, but…

Symphony: [laughs]

Hal: I can’t, I grew up going to diners, my favorite restaurant growing up was the Country Club diner on Cottman Avenue, shoutout, another sponsor of the show, bakery and restaurant, in northeast Philadelphia. And so I just love diners. If there’s a diner somewhere, I will draw Jennifer in there, like we should go to the diner, it’s the best restaurant on Earth!

Symphony: Are you Guy Fieri?

Hal: How dare you.

Symphony: [laughs]

Hal: How dare you, never in a million years. Meg, what about you?

Meg: I’m gonna go with Moonlite All-Nite for similar reasons to you, Hal, it’s that I’ve got that northeast diner nostalgia. I always said I wanted to have my wedding at the Six Brothers diner in (-) New Jersey. [laughter] I didn’t have my wedding there, but I should have…

Symphony: Classic.

Meg: …now going back and thinking about it. But yeah.

Hal: Yeah.

Symphony: Well you can have your…

Meg: ..second wedding there? Oh. [laughs]

Symphony: Yeah. I was gonna say rededication but that’s not the right word. You’re not a building.

Hal: Renew your vows.

Meg: Renewing your vows.

Symphony: Yes renew, yes it’s…

Meg: And we really should be including more diner foods in our vows next time we (go around to it), so I’ll talk to Joseph about that.

Symphony: You’re the bacon to my eggs. You know.

Meg: Absolutely. You’re my veggie omelet, I’m your Greek salad.

Hal: We will stick together like raisins in rice pudding.

Meg: So we’re going to hear some fan comments, questions and theories about this episode. But first, let’s talk about the weather.

Symphony: So today’s weather was “Bill and Annie” by Chuck Brod+sky, and it was saad!

Meg: It was a sad one. What I loved is that at the end of this episode right before the weather, Cecil’s like hiding under a desk, he’s broadcasting from the end of his life, we don’t know what’s gonna happen there’s like, ominous music playing and then all of a sudden we are in this twangy folk song.

Symphony: Yeah but it’s, one of the story ones where you’re like oh it’s about people and relationships and love and loss and it’s pretty beautiful, as many of our songs on the weather are.

Hal: Yeah, it’s a really nice piece of music. For some reason I didn’t attach it to what was going on, it just felt like a break from the intensity, which I was OK with.

Symphony: Mm hm.

Hal: That in general is my relationship with the weather in Night Vale is I don’t always attach it to what’s going on, it just feels like this is a break in the action, and then when we come back, our conclusion.

Symphony: I agree.

Meg: Yeah I have that vibe too. This situation though was like, what a night-day shift like, what a bounce..

Hal: Yeah.

Meg: ..from like the ominous tones to ba-na-now-now, that’s not how it sounds, Chuck I’m sorry [laughter] that’s not how it sounds, I was not trying to do a bad banjo sound. But it’s just a different tone, musically.

Hal: Yeah.

Symphony: Oh and when we come back from this weather, Cecil is still hiding under his desk and that’s when we get another great description of the Station Management. But yeah it does kind of, the weather did take us out of that tense sort of situation and gives you like a respite from that adrenaline-fueled fear.

Meg: And we come back and it’s not resolved.

Symphony: Oh no.

Hal: Yeah!

Meg: It was, there was none of that nice like..

Symphony: Oh no.

Meg: …(-) cleans up while the weather happens that occasionally, that happens in a lot of episodes, it’s just like everything gets all cleaned up underneath the weather, we come back and we figure out what happened, but this one it was like oh no no, we’re still in it, we are exactly where we left off. With our narrator in peril.

Hal: I liked that it felt, it was refreshing. It was refreshing just based on, I mean the first two episodes but also like that’s always my memory is we come back, it gets resolved and obviously for the live shows it’s different, it kinda has to, you don’t wanna leave the audience on a cliffhanger and then say alright, have a safe drive. But for that reason, it felt like oh this is, I’m more on the edge of my seat and it does a great job of me as a listener being drawn in for the next episode, and and wondering what the resolution will be, what’s gonna happen. And at this point we’re only three episodes in, so it would have been easy to assume..

Symphony: Right.

Hal: Is Cecil not gonna be the narrator anymore, will we have another person next week so, it’s interesting to imagine what it would be like to be listening to this, when it was first released with no other material, you know at this point. You don’t have a ton of people to discuss fan theory with ‘cause it’s not the biggest podcast in the world. So I love that idea that we’re left with a bunch of questions, not only about this character but what it means for the overall show.

Symphony: And especially, when yeah it is so early in the thing and, when they’ve already killed off two interns so easily, so what is it like, we’re not technically super attached to the host, but thank goodness he was OK. Sorry, spoilers, spoilers.

Hal: [laughs]

Symphony: Six years later.

Meg: Do we wanna take a look at some of what the fans are saying..

Symphony: Yes!

Hal: So much, so much.

Meg: We asked our lovely fans to write to us or call our Google voice number with information, comments, questions, theories about the first ten episodes of the show, and we got such a great response and I’ve had just the best time today going through that Gmail inbox looking at all the fun things that you sent me. And to let everyone know, I read every email and listened to every voicemail, so you have been heard. If you’re not spoken about right now, just know that a woman sat in her office and looked at your thing. And that woman was me.

Hal: It’s worth pointing that at this point we’re recording this, I mean it’ll be listened to later but we’re recording this in the beginning of May, and nobody has any idea what they were submitting questions, comments, and theories for. These are blind submissions that you looked through, which it blows my mind.

Meg: Yeah. It was so great…

Hal: I’m very excited.

Meg: ..to get such a response for this show that doesn’t exist yet. So uh, well it exists, just not to you but it does now, we’re in a time loop.

Symphony: (Dill-oo, dill-oo, dill-oo)!

Meg: I dunno what to tell future Meg, I guess keep flossing, it’ll only get better from here. [laughter] So we have from Elizabeth, Elizabeth writes: “In episode 3, while the creeping fear is passing thru town, Cecil mentions his reaction to it could be part of his battle of Lyme disease. I personally excuse the ‘boringness’ of the first few episodes by headcanoning that he is just exhausted from his health problems.”

Symphony: Ah!

Meg: And I will say that Elizabeth wrote us a lovely email where Elizabeth talked about how they love the show and how it’s great and every episode has a different meaning for them and lots of wonderful things, so but Elizabeth did say that the first couple of episodes where we were finding our feet were growing to the par that Elizabeth would come to expect from us. So uh, I guess describing it as boring, Elizabeth’s not saying bad things but, Elizabeth said other nice things anyway. so..

Symphony: Constructive.

Meg: Constructive, so yeah I think that’s funny that we can just, us finding our feet with making the show could just be written off as Cecil’s battle with Lyme disease, that’s funny.

Symphony: [laughs]

Hal: Well it’s a testament to how much Elizabeth loves the show, that they were able to go back and say, we’ll I’m gonna retcon all of this, it’s clearly the Lyme disease. But also here’s an interesting thing that I learned years ago I was working on a TV pilot and I, writing it and I went back and watched like what are the greatest pilots of all time. And by and large, the pilot episodes of your favorite shows are nowhere near where they wind up. It’s very few..

Symphony: Right.

Hal: Like Cheers was there right out of the gate, Mary Tyler Moore was pretty close, but a lot of, like I’m a huge Friends fan. The first episode of Friends it was great in 1995, but when you watch it now knowing how great it is in season 3 4 and 5, you go, this is not that good.

Symphony: Yeah I think anytime you’re developing characters and introducing a whole new world to someone, I mean there’s gonna be stuff number one you as the audience don’t know, right? So you have to be patient to understand what’s happening in the world, like you’re not gonna understand everything, it’s not like… It’s like when you’re born, you don’t know everything, right? You’ll only find it out soon thereafter.

Hal: Right.

Meg: Exactly. Yeah this is episode 3 and, these first 10 episodes that we’ve asked audience members to react to is, this is the first time that Joseph and Jeffrey ever wrote a podcast, this is the first time that Cecil ever recorded a podcast, this is the third time Cecil ever sat behind a microphone with a Night Vale script and created this world, so attempt number 3 looks a lot different than attempt number 126.

Symphony: Right.

Meg: So I think that it’s really great that we were at such a strong point in the beginning, when we were really starting from nothing uh, to be where it is at the beginning of the show, and to get to where it is today.

Symphony: Yeah.

Meg: So it was a little boring at first when compared to, you know the sparks of Strex Corp and the sparks of all sorts of crazy things that happened in Night Vale, but it can be a little bit boring in comparison to all of those things that have been developed and exploited.

Symphony: But I dunno, I’m one of those people that is really in it for the journey though, you know like I don’t need it to be wham bam… out of the gate, I kinda wanna be like oh, who is this person, what’s happening, whatever. And especially with Night Vale being soo weird, like it’s gotta be really tough to be like, oh yes now you understand all the inner workings of, you know this and you should love this guy.

Meg: Cool, so we have Fiona has written in and said, Fiona’s theory is interns don’t die, they find their way out of Night Vale.

Symphony: Mmmm!

Meg: That’s an interesting take and offers hope for all of those interns out there.

Symphony: But as you mentioned, Chad does come back so he didn’t, he’s not…

Meg: Chad comes back with a story.

Symphony: [laughs] That is a pretty interesting theory tho, that they just like escaped Night Vale. Or somehow were thrust out, maybe through some sort of, you know, door to a different dimension or something, who knows.

Meg: We have from (Gwen) and I hope I’m saying your name right, from episodes 1-10, (Gwen) says: “My favorite episode is probably number 3, Station Management. I love scary monsters and this episode nailed how bone-chillingly scary Station Management is, how it can decimate anyone’s life and how it is not a force to be reckoned with. We may not know anything about its appearance other than terrifying, but honestly I think Station Management is cool and scary as heck. Hearing its footfalls and roars was so thrillingly honest, I think Night Vale’s medium is really what made it feel as intimately as it did.” So…

Hal: I have to agree with that 100 percent, I listened to this with headphones on, and it really but again it’s enough description plus the music, and then the moments where there is no music. There aren’t a ton of sound effects in this. You really only have Cecil and, and the stuff that Disparition is doing. So the way those work together it really I mean, again there was a time when the audio medium was the way we told stories and the way we ingested stories, and it’s such a great medium in that it requires you to use your imagination, you will fill in the blanks. And the way they set up the terror in this does that beautifully, I think it’s a very well made point, like (Gwen).

Meg: And then we have one more from Sarah. Sarah writes: “Leann Hart has been one of my favorite characters since she was introduced. I really relate to her, her love of journalism, her innovative ideas, her willingness to blatantly deny things that she has done, and her hatchet abilities. Even though all of those characteristics weren’t fleshed out in these first episodes, the groundwork was laid for a fantastic woman.” And then also from Sarah we have a theory. Sarah’s theory is “Cecil 100 percent had something to do with Telly’s fate, whether through some sort of mental powers of his own, either conscious or unconscious, or through some other entity that he has a vested interest in Cecil’s happiness. Telly definitely barbed, barbered the wrong stunning coif.”

Symphony: [laughs]

Meg: So from Sarah, yeah I like, we didn’t really talk about Leann Hart, this is the first episode where Leann Hart is introduced and I really liked how Sarah describes her and how Sarah connected to Leann. And yeah, we were talking about earlier in the episode how Cecil has some beef with Telly and is maybe putting some stuff out there in the universe for Telly. [chuckles]

Symphony: [chuckles] Yeah, I definitely agree with that theory that like, Cecil had something to do with whether it was him directly or him just like, calling on his listeners to, you know, go get Telly like to roll up on him, hey boys let’s roll up on this fool cutting people’s hair. But I always love the characters that like necessarily don’t have a voice, but you always hear about them, like the fire chief Ramona Encarnación and Leann Hart and, she’s not the one that’s the rock?

Meg: No, no.

Symphony: No that’s uh…

Meg: The river rock.

Symphony: I’m gonna remember that later. But yeah, I always love those characters ‘cause they’re so interesting and they give a depth to the world of Night Vale, and it makes it even more strange ‘cause you’re like, why do they have a take on this issue or they were at this thing? So I dunno, it just fleshes out the universe.

Meg: So those are our fan questions, comments and fan theories. More information in our credits about how you can talk to us about your fan theories, comments, and questions about future episodes of Welcome to Night Vale on Good Morning, Night Vale. So this brings us to the end, y’all, of episode number, 3, “Good Morning Station Management”. I wanna thank everyone for listening, I wanna thank Hal and Symphony for being beautiful beautiful creatures. Next week, we are going to be doing episode 4, “Good Morning PTA Meeting”, where we will speak with our guest Jeffrey Cranor, who is the co-writer of Welcome to Night Vale and your real Dad. So we have an exciting episode coming up next week with Jeffrey.

Symphony: He is our Daddy. He is Daddy!

Meg: He is our Daddy.

Hal: Papa!

Meg: [laughter] But until then, good morning Night Vale, good morning.

Meg: Good Morning is a Night Vale Presents production. It is hosted by Symphony Sanders, Hal Lublin and Meg Bashwiner. It is edited by Grant Stewart, it is mixed by Vincent Cacchione, it is produced by Meg Bashwiner. Theme music by Disparition. Special thanks to our fans who submitted their thoughts, questions, and deeply held beliefs to us. Leave us a voicemail at 929-277-2050, or email us at [email protected], to share your theories and ask questions, or to tell us which host you would prefer to receive an organ donation form.

For more information on this show, go to goodmorningnightvale.com and follow us on Facebook and Twitter @NightValeChat. Special thanks to (Christy Gressman), Jeffrey Cranor, Joseph Fink, and Adam Cecil.

Today’s adverb: daintily. The horse daintily stomped its rider to dead, because while he was a murderous horse, he was also a prize-winning dressage horse and did everything with the grace of a ballerina on a butterfly’s wing.

#good morning night vale #night vale presents #meg bashwiner #symphony sanders #hal lublin #station management

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