#Or being a little dangerous and stupid
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yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps
#i JUST want to experience high school#without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on#i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades#not... That#i never had that im never going to have that#can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university#fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama#i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates#or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance#i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life#i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones#rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life#and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems#like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation#but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited#i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try#because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health#the MILDEST#i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT#and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough#the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem'#i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over#thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust#thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them#yk?#and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture#i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to
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Just seen the literal worst rating on TikTok ever about genmui, gave genmui a like 0-5/10 (i cant rmbr) and said it was boring but that genzen was a 10/10 and made the most sense and I?
Girlie genmui fought to protect each other, promised to fight till the very end together, called each other by their first names (or Mui at least called genya by his first name), so and on so on?
The only notable interactions I’ve seen genzen have is the wrist holding while running away from Sanemi/Genya screaming at zenitsu for calling his brother a freak.
so out of the two I don’t think genmui is the boring one lol
#also I seen someone describe genya as almost an adult being shipped with a fourteen year old#babe being sixteen is still a BABY#that’s a little man#I’m 17 and I’m in a completely different headspace than I was at sixteen#das a baby boy#TikTok and their understanding of what age gaps are and then what actual grooming and dangerous age gaps are concern me#anyway genmui 🔛🔝#genmui#genya shinazugawa#tokitou muichirou#zenitsu agatsuma#this whole rant honestly made me dislike genzen like ur so stupid my god#blue rambles
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?????? What do you mean Anders is all like, "We have a kid now" when Keir gets back from the Fade ??????? Where did he get the nugget?????
#sorry i could not resist the opportunity. anyway could be this#could be that anders picked up a random mage kid bc i really do mean it when i say keir is 85% of his impulse control#with 5 amells in the circle theres a fair likelihood there are baby ones out there that were separated so thats another line of thought#if u cant have a baby get ur husbands second cousin once removed on sale now#but anyway ya ive always had trans anders hcs in one direction or the other so like#bio keir/anders kid very possible in my mind why not! grey wardenisms permitting and all that#i have not thought it through deeply but it is for sure on the table#like i think they both want kids and they know how dangerous it would be but like if the opportunity was suddenly there#i DO think anders is the kind of messy decision maker to keep a baby while on the quest to cure the calling and being separated from#his husband for a couple months. that IS on brand. and he wouldnt tell anyone for ages bc hes stupid#also im rlly fascinated by yrsa dealing with it bc of like dwarven issues with infertility and the royal pressure for heirs and the#inability of two grey wardens.#this is messy it is very early in the morning and i have a cold. suffice it to say i have been throwing concepts around#i just think its terribly interesting. i love when fantasy generational chaos#also i want bethy 2 hold a little niece or nephew is this too much to ask i thibk#*think not
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Gambling Apocalypse Tenma AU
As I rewatch Kaiji I inevitably end up wanting to combine show I like with other show I like and stuffing fav characters into show. So here we are.
This was uh going to be a short summary type thing but I accidentally wrote a novella about it sorry
This AU starts off with a much more depressive Tenma. After Tobio's death, rather than immediately pour his grief into developing a robot version of his son, he recedes into himself, psychologically paralyzed, likely turning to alcohol to drown out his anguish.
His mental state is taken as an opportunity within the Ministry of Science to have him ejected from his position; Tenma was never the most well-liked director, and there were those with ambition to usurp him that would jump at the chance. Not that he especially cares in his state.
He's eventually dragged out of his stagnation by Ochanomizu - who, inadvertently, becomes the very catalyst pushing Tenma to develop a robot replacement to his child. This was not what he meant by encouraging Tenma to fill the void left by his son.
...But, well, he is no longer the director of the Ministry of Science. His access to limitless government funds and resources for "scientific research" has been cut off, and this is a project he cannot finance on his own. He can't ask Ochanomizu for help, but...interestingly...a representative of a certain shady organization known as the Teiai Corporation reaches out to him, offering to finance and support his project. A sane and well-minded Tenma might think better of it, but grieving and desperate, Tenma accepts their offer and is able to create a robot in the image of his beloved Tobio. For a while, there's joy in his life.
But the bill, as ever, comes due: Tenma must pay up, and the very resources that had been at his disposal will certainly ensure that he will, or else. Of course, he doesn't have the money; instead, he is given a choice. He can relinquish the robot Tobio in order to wipe out his debt - the child is a sophisticated and powerful robot, after all - or he can participate in a certain illicit event hosted by the Teiai Corporation.
It's nothing major...just a four-hour gambling cruise with a collection of desperate, damned souls that were also swept into debt with Teiai. The conditions are simple: Those who choose to participate are given a chance to clear their debts wholesale should they win. And should they lose...?
Well...no one really knows what happens to the losers seized by Teiai. It's said that they labour away their debts under Teiai's watchful eye and are freed once their work has covered their debts, though it's rumoured that most perish before they reclaim freedom.
There's only one answer Tenma can give, of course; he's not willing to lose Tobio again.
Thus is Tenma's debut into the Gambling Apocalypse, where he must become cutthroat in order to survive; if he wants to see his son again, he must make choices that will doom the hapless to miserable servitude, with a nonzero chance it ends in their death.
He survives the cruise, but of course, it was hardly enough to clear his debt; the cruise was never going to be the end of it. Teiai doesn't let go of its victims that easily. He will be called on again: this is a weight that hangs over him, all while he returns to his son Tobio. The same hands that have pushed innocents into hell must now be the hands that can embrace his child.
He wants to protect Tobio from the truth and enjoy what peaceful moments he's allowed with his son, but it's difficult. It's difficult to be the parent of a child who cannot understand the danger that looms ahead; this "happy" home is not to last. Tenma angers quickly and easily. He turns that anger onto Tobio.
As Teiai's games become more and more vicious and unrelenting, as his conscience holds onto the last vestiges of thread that remain, Tenma even threatens, once, to give the boy in: it would all end, then; the debt would be clear and no longer would he have to endure Tobio's childish annoyances, his ungratefulness.
The next time that Tenma is beckoned, Tobio takes matters into his own hands. He does understand, now; and he would have, if only Tenma had bothered to explain sooner. If it's a debt that needs clearing, he will work. He will help his father clear his debts however he can. Of course, it's difficult to find work as a child; but a circus troupe finds amusement in the idea of a child robot, and takes him in. He is whisked into a certainly unpleasant working situation, but he remembers his father, and what he must be enduring. Tobio, also, will endure.
When Tenma returns, Tobio is gone.
All that held Tenma back from becoming something monstrous has disappeared. All that kept him going has disappeared. When he is called upon by Teiai, there is no knowing what sort of person might come out the other end; whether a monster clawing his way to freedom regardless of what actions he must take, or a desolate husk surrendering defeat.
There is still a light, however dim: Found by Professor Ochanomizu and rescued from the circus, Tobio - now Atom - is able to shed light on the situation which Tenma took great pains to keep hidden from his old friend. With time running out, Ochanomizu and Atom must do what they can to save Tenma - from Teiai, and from himself.
-----
UHHH and that's a wrap!!!! I couldn't quite decide which way Tenma would go after hitting Rock Bottom in this AU, and tbh it would really depend on the kind of mental state he's in at the time. On the one hand I like the narrative of Ochanomizu and Tobio racing to prevent Tenma from crossing a line (actual outright murder probably) - or having to pull him back into humanity (and yknow, his ensuing penance)
But on the other hand having him get sent to Teiai Evil Hell Prison would be interesting because a) there's a lot of narrative potential having Tenma faced with what Teiai is doing with the people that lose the games and b) need him to decimate the foreman at chinchirorin Kaiji style
Tenma's whole character is definitely a much different guy in this AU, he starts off pretty sympathetic, the guy you wanna root for, he just ends up having an inverse character arc where he gets worse instead of better. His conflict with "Tobio" is also kind of reversed, less about being unsatisfied with Tobio as a son and more not being able to handle the fact that he probably has intense PTSD now and isnt capable of coping with it in a way conducive to being a parent (or like, coping at all)
Anyway that's gambling apocalypse tenma!!!
#umataro tenma#long post#well that became a novel. sorry lmao#in my mind teiai's evil hell prison in astro boy verse would probably be quite a bit different than regular kaiji#like. fuckin. weapons manufacturing for teiai or something like that. or scary bad danger robots. horrifying concept#Tenma would be a valuable asset to them whether by giving up Atom or by losing in death game hell and being forced to work for em#and if he dies? they can just take atom#get him out of there.#I'm also thinkin of who Teiai would be represented by.....the snakey loan sharks u could easily put skunk in there.#but who is an evil fucked up sadist billionaire. theres probably someone who could be fucked up enough I just dont know offhand#and im allergic to mischaracterizing in AUs lol im not gonna make a slightly bad guy into an evil freakguy. so. Hyoudou is just himself.#if you squint this could be considered an 80s astro boy AU..has a cruise arc & not actually giving atom away#but man. that tenma LEAST of all deserves this fate lmao#do I want to write fic of this? yes. will I? not likely!#I can just smell it dude this would be some crazy fuckoff 100k shit I am not ready brother#also it would just be soooooo so so so so so edgy. I dont really enjoy writing intensely grim stuff w/ little to no respite#also tbh. I am too stupid. LOL. I cannot write clever gambles alas
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Anyway I have purged my queue of Ace Attorney (I posted it all, enjoy the the massive wall of nonsense from me.) So now it's just miscellaneous and then The New Brainrot.
There's already an image of one of these clowns on here so enjoy that.
But anyway... It's Vanitas Time.
I am unhinged about all of the characters but I am becoming absolutely unwell about the titular Vanitas himself.
He's an asshole and I like him so much.
He's unhinged. He's so disingenuous and so repressed but he's so bad at keeping his feelings in. I swear sometimes he's just dissociating in the middle of a conversation.
He's a bastard and a bitch. He hates both vampires and humans for their cruelty but not nearly as much as he hates himself.
He has completely given up on life and is sustaining himself purely on spite and guilt. He makes people hate him on purpose.
He is kind but not nice. He is the embodiment of that cat knife meme, you know the one. He is babygirl and pathetic little meow meow. I want to send him to therapy.*
His vibes are constructed entirely out of red flags. He's a bisexual man that you want to keep 20 feet away from all women at all times because geeeeez my guy learn to behave yourself. He's a sarcastic prick. He's incomprehensibly traumatized.
I want to run him over with a freight train. I want to wrap him up in a homemade quilt and give him a cup of hot cocoa. I want someone to hold him tenderly. I want that twink obliterated (gayly).
He looks and acts like a feral alley cat. His outfit is simultaneously iconic and absurd. I think he stole someone's gender. He wears gloves with claws on them.
He is terrified of genuine connection yet he craves intimacy so badly. He is a massive pile of trust issues.
He is doomed by the narrative, he is running out of time, he is destroying himself through every step of his objective. He knows he will likely destroy himself before he can ever succeed. He is terrified of losing his humanity. He calls his objective vengeance but I'm pretty sure it's actually absolution.
There is something very very wrong with him.💖💜💙
*(I want to send all of these characters to therapy.)
#fandom brainrot#the case study of vanitas#vanitas no carte#vnc#Vanitas [the human] (vnc)#bisexual Vanitas#Vanitas is babygirl#Vanitas is my poor little meow meow#everyone in vnc needs therapy#Vanitas is a danger twink#also I think he is a bratty sub and someone needs to tenderly dom him and then thoroughly fuck the noise out of his head#that's right I saved the spiciest thought for the tags#anyway I never mentioned it in the post because I was trying to be ambiguous but I think Noé is the gentle dom for the job so: vanoé#regardless of his being doomed by the narrative I still hold out quiet hope that he gets to live; albeit forever changed#what can I say? I think it would be more interesting if he was simply made new and had to deal with the fact that he will continue to exist#we'll see#kat rambles about the stupid vampire show
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#the director still smiling while berlin looks at him like he's wondering how bad of an idea it would be to smash his head on the wall#that's hilarious#please dude smell the danger#but it does make berlin smile#because of the sheer stupidity or the director being so sure they're buddies right now i do not know#berlin daily#money heist korea#park hae soo#berlin#aaand that's the last serie for this little conv
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My rose coloured boy
#haha <3 I’m in danger <333#song is rose coloured boy by paramore ^^#min does have some idea of what he’s doing when he does robberies for fun but like because of his stupid dumb luck he doesn’t really#see the danger or risk of doing it lol. he has a one track mind so he goes through with almost anything#on the other hand Delaney as an outside observer doesn’t understand any of this and does worry about him constantly#like if he ever gets caught or maybe even hurt. he doesn’t understand though because he’s a little naive#she doesn’t really think she’s in any place to stop him from what he’s doing so she just helps him avoid getting caught if she can and hope#that he comes to his senses and stop? it’s a little complicated cause she’s a bystander helping a thief#he thinks it would be fun if she would actually tag along and help him besides hiding him but she’s hesitant ‘owo’#but also Delaney doesn’t like being open about her feelings so she mostly calls him an idiot when he gets hurt (affectionate)#my art#myart#my oc#my ocs#Delaney#minor inconvenience
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why are my hyperfixations never on anything cheap, bro. it's always gotta be ENAMEL PINS or MECHANICAL KEYBOARDS or BOOKS or ARTWORK and PENS. and broken glass. i guess that one is kinda cheap.
#staring at my bank account wondering if I can justify spending another $400 on top of the $200#I spent this morning buying a new keyboard and switches#(the $400 would be for more switches 2 fully built keyboards and like 5 sets of keycaps)#(I'm really fucking genuinely considering it which is dangerous I JUST bought a new ipad on a whim a couple weeks ago.)#(like I do have the money in my savings account. I could in theory go Crazy go Stupid. but SHOULD I.)#It's funny because I went to visit Ez (mwah) in July and I let myself spend shit tons of money. and I haven't been able to STOP myself#ever since then.#the plus side is at least I am EMPLOYED now.#perhaps I shouldn't be kicking myself for whinging that I might not be able to save $4-$500 a month. maybe. maybe actually.#am I being a little piss baby. I think I am being a little piss baby actually.#how much money per month should someone my age be saving even????
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Red lights spin, the alarms are going off
-An intruder.
Run around, pick what you gotta fast, they know I'm here
-This is gonna be fun.
Shit. They got me
-Too easy.
...
-...
Here my life lies, my future spilling from my head, I can barely feel my body
And they laugh, they laugh so bastardly, I wish I could have the strength to cry it out
It's helpless. I'm helpless
...
And then, the first hit
And the second
And the third
All cooled out
Do I have to wonder where I got this from? I can't afford that, the pipe leads my way
-Oh, it's you again.
Rush through, knock them, it's about survival now
-Now this is where the fun begins.
Gunshots
-My specialty.
And I bleed
-And you bleed.
The adrenaline gets to me
-Precious wounds from you for me.
Your boys are down
-We're alone
You're alone
-And so scared. My heart rushes. You...it's you!
-You're War! You're what I have been looking for!
-Please...! Your end! My end! All here and now!
I'm just so tired, and I don't feel like working overtime
-What...?
My shift's over. I'm done here.
-No...! NO!
#perceptive little crow#omg hiiiii hi hello. i made some connections and I'm going insane <3#'have you completely misunderstood another character?' yes i did <3#i just believe it would be super cool if he was like. completely idealizing the idea of teo as like. a symbol of violence and war#man so obsessed with that bitch he'd go insane over one (1) woman almost killing his stupid ass#bc he didn't feel that kind of rush and struggle and fear and ecstasy for so long. he wants more#and he dreams of the day they can finally get each other's hands on each other. and fight tooth and nail til one falls#and only bc this is about him specifically but I'd also love to talk about teo's potential weight on her shoulders that would be being#the first of like. an entirely new professional career? and a potentially dangerous one at that? like how she'd be the one to set just *so*#many standards about how to deal with myths...oh. how lovely that sounds#ok enough rambling for tonight#I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION#bc he doesn't get to fight his 'goddess' he lashes out to anyone on her same field. bc he seems them as mere troops which do nothing but#stay in the way of 'their righteous fight'#but also as a way to get even a drop of the same adrenaline he felt that day#ok that's all
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theres been so much fan content about puss essentially having death fight ptsd but personally i feel like after the movie his fear might manifest less as sudden panic attacks at instances that superficially remind him of the death fight, and more like a subtle background hum of anxiety about falling back on his old ways, not appreciating life enough, and dwelling on his own morality a little too much
#i think he'd over-check himself and get a little insecure about acting cockey for a while#he'd do a slightly dumb or dangerous move and it won't be that he almost gets killed in the moment#itll be that afterwards he will be like dios mio that was so stupid of me what if i died over something so idiotic again#what if im not really appreciating my life enough still what if I'm being reckless and just hurting myself again#(but i think he would still end up communicating these fears to kitty and perrito just. often after it passes)#puss in boots the last wish#Pussy Analysis
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Just take care of yourself bro. Rest up, king.
-🦫
thank you but i do have shit i have to get done unfortunately 😔 i hope at least keeping busy with more boring and tedious tasks will feel a little less stressful than the paranoia my online presence is giving me
#🦫 anon#anon response#basically without going into detail#my trauma makes me really paranoid about being myself at the same time as being arounf people#its dangerous and i've gotten WAY too comfortable and im freaking out ab it now#i want to isolate again at least for anything beyond close irls and my therapist and any clients#since clients i dont really worry with bc im not going to be stupid and too personal w them#i genuinely wish my wisdom stopped me from my impulse to socialize and be myself around people#its not safe. nothing is safe#the only safety is my work and my books#but i took a pill so im feeling a little better for now. might redose
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the happiest ive been in any singular moment in probably over a year was a moment last week where my friends and i were driving to a campsite having accidentally taken a tiny insanely long and winding mountain road to get there, somehow i wasn’t carsick, the windows were rolled down, we were surrounded by nothing but woods for miles, and livin la vida loca was playing on the car stereo
#had a moment of like hm! I sure am glad im not in fucking socal right now slaving over art school shit alone and miserable!#yeah#idk it was a stupid little moment of time but it felt Right#this was a super last moment camping trip too so even more so of that feeling of like. maybe reasons to live can really appear of of the#blue sometimes. that you’d just otherwise never see comi#*coming#I just got really lucky. stars aligned or something#the random text from my friend going like ‘sorry can’t hang out cause im going camping with my dad. unless you guys wanna go camping’#the weather being unusually cool for the time of year and thus really nice in the mountains during the day. pretty much perfect in my#opinion.#the stupid little road we took on accident that we didn’t need to take (there was another one going to the same place that was way simpler#and straighter and not nearly as winding and dangerous and whatnot)#fuckin. livin la vida loca. which was mostly only playing because we didn’t have cell service that far into the sierras so we were just#listening to whatever my friend happened to have downloaded on her phone#just. yeah. a lot of weird shit that lined up. in a good way#im glad nothing went wrong or anything cause it was so last moment#and I hope this lets me feel okay about being alive for at least a while longer#kibumblabs
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personally the renfri ciri (late in the books) parallels are gonna make me insane
#peepaw posting#<- how im tagging witcher posts i guess. sorry#like. being put in such a bad position by the world in general. being royalty and then being put in so much danger by one of ur parents and#having to run away and kill to survive. personally its making me blow up a little. like esp how renfri is like i have to take revenge and#ofc book 1 geralt isnt going to be like omg yeah sounds good ^-^ but like. by the end??? by the end of the books. yeah he is.#sorry im just AUGH. anyways. need to figure a tag out for witcher posting for blocking if anyone doesnt wanna see it o7 but god. rereading#is making me insane like... genuinely wish that it had been written differently between geralt and renfri but alas.#it just like. it makes me go a bit silly stupid mode of the parallels being SO clear like... esp w the mysterious mutant/nonhumans helping#them both out and AUGHHHHHH. this reread is just making me hate duny even more but man. sorry u will have to deal with the horrors of me#having many thoughts and not having a place to put them#twist rambles
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I haven’t done a post with my feelings about the episode in a while because of feeling burned out on the previous ones but this was so good!!!! Just the way that Dick managed to find out the entire plot of the season so far in less than 24 hours? Amazing.
#I have no idea what was going on with the Dan Danger stuff at the beginning but I love it#So I think that he basically takes random breaks and returns to Halys which is actually so funny and I love him asking Zee to join#both of them being surprised that Bart was missing was so funny to me for some reason and I absolutely love his little murder board. It's#amazing and then of course their recruitment of the others was so funny. I loved the dynamics#the best out of all of them was Dick and Zee's. I loved how comfortable they seemed together and the slight flirting but in a friends way.#Amazing#the only part of the episode that wasn't my favorite was the part in the tower of fate but that's only because that was a stupid plan. Like#knew immediately that something was going to go wrong and of course it did. Though I do like that at the end that they're going to go catch#that bus because somehow a reoccurring gag became a major plotpoint a some point. which sure is a thing#Dick Grayson#Zatanna Zatara#YJ Dick's Arc#YJ spoilers#Young Justice
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its ok the situation is long behind me and i have never experienced a bad feeling about it ever 👍 (lying)
#im not trying to be attention grabbing and theres a reason im being vague its just loke#thats part of the problem#i literally wish i could scream from the rooftops how fucked it was especially since this person seems to dodge consequences#but it isnt my place to and also that would put me in a lot of danger . tbh im lucky she never published my name publicly#so i just sit here holding her address and the list of awful things she did and play a little game called Not Doing Anything#and every time someone says some dumb shit to me i wish i could beam the memories of it into their head#like. when people tell me stupid ship discourse impacts no one irl i want to immediately blast them with the absolutely fucked things -#she felt excused to do and say because of a fucking fandom stance i had and etc#when folks say that society is good to trauma victims with 'good' or soft reactions#and not to people with bad ones#i wanna shake them by the shoulders and show them just how horribly society treats soft victims too#and beam more memories into their head of what happened to people who matter sm to me#but i cant. and if i just said it all no one would fucking believe me.
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I hate the terms high and low functioning.
we can’t function better, we can just hide our dysfunction more
#neurodivergent#actually autistic#disability#actually disabled#mentally disordered#autism#its just dehumanizing for those considered low functioning#we all can’t function ur just making us seem like we can#also those considered low functioning get assigned as stupid#it’s unfair for everyone stop these terms they’re harmful#for the longest time i thought autism was like down syndrome because no one showed me otherwise#also this is dangerous because it causes “high functioning” autistic people to be pushed into situations that overwhelm them#then that leads to people blaming them for being overwhelmed#i’m not just a little autistic#level 1 autism
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