Hey gamers, this is my first actual post here.

First things first, terfs, nazis, homophobes, racists, you and your lot can and should fuck off. No sissy blogs either, that's not for me.

Minors should maybe not be here either if only for the odd NSFW post, so here's your warning.

Bit of a length warning I suppose? I ramble a bit, but it's my pinned so I guess now's the time.

As my blurb says and avatar implies, I'm a 20 year-old transfem, working with she/her pronouns currently. I'm generally kind of hesitant to really talk about myself to strangers or to even say something in the first place, even when it's just to the void like I have been since I started here about a month and a half ago. You may recall my mentioning that this is my first actual post, or have noticed that I've only tagged like, 2 of my reblogs at time of writing. I'm trying to get out there a bit more which is why I'm even making this, but if I take some time to reply to a pm or whatever, know that there's this on top of anything irl. Also I have a tendency to write in a way as though I were actually talking, so apologies for any overuse of commas or really long sentences. Trying to be mindful of this way of writing myself though.

Should say that whatever eldritch critter lords over us all gave me the delightful combo of being able to remember a bunch of absolutely bizarre and incredibly niche things about whatever while also forgetting it all when it miraculously becomes useful. You may be familiar with the "Spirit of the Staircase?" Gamer, you're looking at her. I mention this to say that despite the length of some of the later parts, they're still not exhaustive.

I've also got into the habit of referring to people as gamers because it has that wonderful combo of being both gender-neutral and oddly funny to me. Not in a demeaning way, my sense of humor has just kind of veered into nonsense.

On that note, I should also mention that I myself have committed a cardinal sin and am indeed, a gamer. Platforms I'm on are Playstation and Switch. PC gaming is unfortunately out of my purview currently. I prefer PvE generally but also don't mind pwning some children if the vibes are there. Hope you have your bingo card ready because yes, Celeste is my favorite game. I have WAY too much time into Warframe and I like Dead by Daylight, Deep Rock Galactic, Risk of Rain 2/Returns, and Slay the Spire quite a bit. Tragically I've been a gamer for a while, so I'm just naming a few of my main ones right now while totally not ignoring a sizeable backlog, no sirree!

Music is also a bit of a vibes thing. Generally more of a fan of less intense songs, which may be an odd thing to follow up on by saying prog rock's also pretty cool. Longer a song is, the better is my usual take. City pop's also superb, language barrier be damned. Vaporwave's awesome. Born and raised on the rock of the 70's and 80's with parents that rarely listened to anything after Kurt Cobain rose to power for most of my younger years, so a good chunk of that has worked its way into my playlist. Video game music has a tendency to be wonderful to my ears as well. Solar Ash, both Risk of Rains (although yes, I lean towards the second + DLC here), Night in the Woods, songs from several of the Persona series (Layer Cake, Beneath the Mask - Rain and both versions of Specialist, oh my!), a few from Warframe and of course, the titular Celeste. Lena really is just something else, and I think I can say with some confidence that Quiet and Falling is just my favorite song generally. It does have some competition, so in no particular order I'll rattle some off: Anri's Shyness Boy, Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence (primarily the Hands and Feet Mix version), Hall and Oates' Out of Touch, Mac Demarco's Freaking out the Neighborhood, ABBA's Dancing Queen, Yoko Takahashi's The Cruel Angel's Thesis, Prince's Little Red Corvette, Kensuke Ushio's Crybaby, Jane Pop's Drive to 1980 Love, Shakatak's Bitch to the Boys, Komm Susser Todd from End of Evangelion, Mystical Composer by Momoko Kikuchi, Love don't come Easy by The New Jersey Connection, Once in a Lullaby by Chris Christodoulou, No Tengo Dinero - Maxi by Righeira, Seaside by Dan Mason, In your Eyes by Peter Gabriel, Dinner is not over by Jack Stauber's Micropop, Dress Down by Kaoru Akimoto, Radio Ga-Ga by Queen, Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie, and this list is getting kind of long, huh? God, music is just so freakin' awesome. Truly, one of my biggest regrets will be that I didn't hear enough of it. Band-wise, I'll mention I quite like Steely Dan, Tally Hall, 1986 Omega Tribe, Car Seat Headrest, The Comet is Coming (loving Hyper-Dimensional Expansion Beam right now), Dan Mason, Mitch Murder, Desired, Nyarons, Seycara Orchestral, Shakatak, Ibrahim, OSC, Both Jack Stauber and his Micropop, Prince, Queen, Junko Ohashi, Anri, Meatloaf, Gorillaz, Night Tempo, City Girl, Yes, PKCH, Chris Christodoulou, Cape Coral, Tupperwave, Oresama, Weird Al (EBAY in particular will forever take up some of my brain space at any given moment) and good ol' Lena Raine. While we're here, I guess the one album I'll mention is Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of the War of the Worlds. Make sure it's the original though, some of the songs were revamped in recent years and personally I'm not partial to that rendition of them.

If you inferred that I might like some anime given the above section has quite a few Japanese artists then yes, your intuition was correct. I have fallen off of it recently, but stuff like Neon Genesis Evangelion, Cowboy Bebop, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Mob Psycho, and My Life With Monster Girls are some that I enjoy.

Romantically, I'd say I'm into women. We're entering kind of weird territory for me here though because while I would quite like a romantic partner and someone to cuddle with, I'm kind of not so sure how keen I am on any actual sex? Half of me wonders if I'm just asexual while the other half wonders if it might actually be a case of finding the proper someone. I don't know, it's very much uncharted territory for me and I'm not sure where I'll end up on it. Also the whole "finally accepting that I'm trans" thing probably has its influence somewhere in there.

Politically, just give people stuff. Meet their basic needs, implement a UBI, make it so that every grandparent has a bottomless jar of sweets for the wee ones. Public transport good, cars bad, Golf is actively terrible in multiple ways. Chuck bricks at cops, detonate an oil rig (in Minecraft, I guess), eat the rich, the usual. Ideally, mix the three. Abortions and contraception are healthcare, and alongside education all should be free. Kill the cop in your head, both in the sense that if you saw someone shoplift, no you didn't and that you don't have to impose yourself on people just having some earnest, unconventional fun. These are some of my viewpoints, but I'm hesitant to try and pin myself down with a specific position due to a lack of having really read well, any greater political works, still needing to flatten some views I've kind of just had seep into me from the greater culture ("But is x really the proper thing" is tragically a constant, but I've needed to quash the Devil's Advocate voice in my head for years at this point. The little bastard never truly seems to leave. Yeah, having a little gremlin constantly try and check my thoughts can be handy now and then, but it gets really annoying when I think about topics like how the death penalty shouldn't be a thing because like, what are you doing here you idiot? Don't let your personal misgivings with a person allow for executions), and honestly a little because I need to try and be firmer as a person. I put a lot more stock into the thoughts of others than my own, and sometimes it's tough to remember that me and my thoughts also have value, whatever that looks like. Is that the best thing to just type aloud? Also don't hit your kids, regardless of circumstance.

Uhhh got to say I'm blanking a bit on what else to put in. Closing remarks now I suppose. Life is fucking awesome, and I mean that to apply to most-every instance of it. We're all just here on our queer little blogs having a time with one another, and isn't that wonderful? The past 5 years or so have been terrible mentally for me with a few really bad months in particular this year, but I finally feel like I'm on the up-and-up. Accepting that I'm trans after repressing it for a while, finally cutting off a bad friend (hopefully for good), working on getting HRT. With any luck, I'll have some patches in my hands next Friday, the 15th of September. That's huge for me, not only in the obvious sense but because my brain somehow twisted itself into thinking that I can't take this whole topic seriously outside of hair growth and shaving facial hair until I actually get some form of HRT into my hands, AND IT'S HAPPENING! AAAAHHH!!! I'm moving into the next chapter of my life after being kind of stagnant for a while, and I've had such a wonderful vigor these past few weeks that I haven't known in ages. I've really embraced an appreciation of what others might consider mundane, and just trying to be a bit goofy. Letting things roll off of me, even if the anxiety tends to really weaken my legs and make me nauseous. I stay silly. The horrors may persist, but so do I. So do you. How lovely.

Also,

obsessed with your latest steddie au! steve’s relationship with his parents is so emotionally abusive and manipulative and my heart is breaking that nobody seems to recognise that

Thank you!!

I really wanted to focus on how Steve's parents are abusive in a way that is a lot harder to clock.

They're not out there screaming and kicking him out of the house. These people want you to like them, and they lie like they breath.

These are the adults who downplay serious issues, who make you doubt yourself, who smooth things over or even apologize on your behalf as a way to control and isolate you.

If everyone thinks you're terrible, and your amazing, doting, angelic parents are once again swooping in to save you, then your escape routes close up rapidly--which is of course, the whole point. They want their victims to rely on them and them alone.

For a lot of the Party, that's just not an evil they've encountered yet.

Throw in the fact that Steve does in fact, have a head injury, and things get muddy FAST.

It makes for delicious, angst-ridden scenarios and I am delighted everyone's happy to come along for the ride.

Is there a cat in cannon who got a good death who you think didn't deserve it? Especially if they committed crimes?

Tom the Wifebeater and his redemption death. No question. It's not even close.

Not only do I reject to the "redemption death" on the grounds of it being Tom the Wifebeater who is bullying others until his dying breath, even taunting Thunder about Turtle Tail is dead and the kits must be very torn up about it, but I reject "redemption through death" entirely. I don't like it in stories. It's a theme I deeply object to.

And again it's fucking wild that every time a character is a father, even if they are a wifebeater or a child abuser, the writers think that it bestows a glimmer of goodness into them which every abused child is forced to appreciate and cry about. Breezepelt, Thunder, Tallstar, Tom's children, all of them forced to reconcile and admit how much they wuv their papa.

Abusive dads in WC regularly get redemption deaths, too. Clear Sky dies saving his grandchild, Sandgorse died saving a rando in a tunnel, Tom the Wifebeater saving his daughter.

But Tom the Wifebeater is the worst example of it. Hands down.

Hello fandom. I understand that very few of you will care about my personal opinion, and that's fine, but I find it important enough to how I run my blog to share anyway.

In the future, all of my posts will simply be avoiding any mention of Wilbur wherever possible. His character is a major part of Tallulah's story, but I will be keeping him away from my blog as much as I can.

Typically, I would go with a "death of the author" approach and keep mentions of the character and cc more separate. However, the cc's alleged quest for money and fame changes that entirely. I will not be contributing to that. That's just my personal choice, so there should be no shame to anyone who chooses to separate the two, obviously.

I watched Shubble's video and I saw his response. In my opinion, it was terrible. The way he centralized his own "growth," minimized the pain he caused, and left the actual apology on the second page is revealing. His statement reminds me of some of the past emotional abuse I've experienced, so his content will no longer be welcome on my blog. I believe in the merit of archiving, so I will not be deleting any past posts, but he will no longer have any place in my death family related tags.

I have a lot of followers that don't give a shit about MCYT and especially anyone related to the DSMP.

But I do hope that you might take the time to hear Shubble's story all the same. She talks about domestic abuse that may seem more subtle. She also discusses warning signs and manipulation. I feel that she has a very important story to share, and there is a lot of value in hearing it.

Here's the vod on YouTube. She begins talking at 1:45. I unfortunately could not find it on Twitch, but here is her Twitch in case you wanted to support her.

Everyone talks about how fucked up it was that people told kids, especially girls, that if someone picks on you it means they like you. And that is fucked up and should be talked about, but you know what else is fucked up?

Telling bullying victims to have sympathy for their bully because “they’re probably hurting too” (also that the best way to stop bullying is to ignore it, but that’s another post). That’s really harmful and just teaches kids to ignore mistreatment and abuse because the perpetrator has had a hard time too.

my aesthetics :

the second quarter quell generation, pt one (aka the generation with all the principal characters’ parents, and then also haymitch)

“Carmine is not the worst” and “kieran is not the worst” are statements that can and should co-exist

My prayer for the people who've been hurt by systems of oppression and told we deserved it, the people for whom the records of that hurt have been used to deny us opportunities, haunting us like a scarlet letter, is that we find peace in knowing we are worthy and deeply loveable. May we create community and safety for each other.

Time to remind you all of my bad taste (absolutely devastated over the way Ward AoS’s arc went)

I have so many Simon thoughts and I can’t believe the one to lick them all off was this: but would he draw the line at pork?

Just saw this ask now so apologies if it's been sitting in my inbox for a while!

Quick mention here that I'm not Muslim myself and most of my (limited) knowledge comes from talking with friends irl and the internet

but i believe Simon wouldn't eat pork. I don't think it's something he's ever really tried, especially growing up and living in Dearborn, which has one of the highest Muslim populations in the US, there wouldn't be a super high presence of it (I'm assuming) or social pressures surrounding eating it from his peers, who im assuming are also predominantly Muslim from what we know of his friendships precanon.

To be honest, I think the religiously prohibited substance he'd be most inclined to/likely to have consumed at some point to be alcohol. I mean when we meet Simon, he's fallen on hard times, like he's lost his job and turned to stealing cars and feels like he's let down his family and community, especially at least after the events that follow with him getting the ring the way he did. I'm not saying here that I think he did drink before we meet him in canon, but I think it's more likely to have happened than him eating pork, especially with the social pressures and societal depiction of alcohol the way they are.

Simon and his relationship with religion is something very interesting to me (that I admittedly know very little about) as there definitely seems to be a contradiction in some of his actions, with Simon quoting the Quran at Guy and talking about how much his religion means to him one page, and then of course having a tattoo that also means a lot to him (but is banned by his religion) at the same time. I think this more complex relationship with religion is something very human about Simon as a character, as people and their relationships with religion are oftentimes complicated and not cut and dry. It does make it difficult for his fans though as theres a lot we dont know, as Simon's relationship with religion is one I think could really use more exploration on page, especially in regard to this contradiction and his relationship with the rules of Islam as a whole.

Hello friends! I made a post a looong time ago about how back when the Noragami anime aired (the first season), in 2014, we did not have Yukine’s backstory like we have now; despite that, the scene we got in the anime where Yato named Yukine and received all his memories, was all relevant. That really amazed me; I know mangaka and writers plan this stuff in advance, but certainly not all of them, and it would have been easy enough to retcon or change things (and there are some scenes here that indicated things may have been changed). 

So in appreciation and curiosity, I went back and screencapped all the brief scenes the anime gave us, to compare them with the corresponding manga panel/chapter. However, a tumblr picture post only allows 10 pictures and I ended up with 13, so I’m gonna pick the most interesting ones. 

Not included here is the very first scene, which is of a cat looking back at the camera. Yukine has not been shown to have a cat in his past life, nor was there any indication of a cat in his family (at least as far as I can remember) so I’m gonna go ahead and comfortably put this in the “symbolism” camp, as it could be a stray cat or anything you want to interpret it as, really. 

The second scene, also not pictured, was of luggage. This clearly relates to his sister and mother moving out. Again, when this aired back in 2014, we would have had no idea what this luggage could have related to!

The third scene, pictured, is more curious- two hands shaking. I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch to guess that the extended hand is their father’s-- but who’s the one reaching out to him? Yuka? Could this be the dad making a deal with her about keeping Haruki? But that’s not what happened, right, it was the other way around...Could be that the hand is actually Haruki’s. Unsure. Could correspond to volume 23, chapter 91, pictured below the anime shot.

Scene 4, pictured, is CLEARLY Yuka and mother leaving, with Yuka looking back. BACK IN 2014. WHEN WE KNEW NONE OF THIS, NOR WHO THEY WERE, ETC ETC.

Scene 5, not pictured, is just a pair of shoes on the ground. This could be anything; not quite sure what the symbolism is meant to be here.

Scene 6, also not pictured, is just Yukine huddled by himself facing a wall. Could be anything also, but more likely just him enduring his dad’s abuse. 

Scene 7, also not pictured, is a broken mug on the ground, liquid spilled out of it. Could be a sign of the father breaking stuff in his anger.

Scene 8, pictured, is the letters- the letters!!!! Again completely relevant and traceable to the manga! Specifically it’s the dad stepping on the letters, which does not have a direct equivalent manga panel, but the one I put under it is pretty damn close, from volume 25, chapter 96.

Scene 9, pictured, is most curious. This is an arm, likely Yukine’s, with bandages surrounding it. This was likely meant to tie in to the reason his sword form has bandages, but it was never expanded upon (and I doubt it will be in the last few chapters we have lol). I do wonder what the intent was, though-- maybe a mark of his abuse by his dad. We’ll never know!

Scene 10, pictured, is a lot of empty cans of alcohol. Clearly related to his alcoholic dad (though I guess it was never confirmed he was ALCOHOLIC for certain, but definitely a heavy drinker lol). Again not a 1-to-1 manga panel correspondence, but a pretty close one came from volume 24, chapter 94.2!

Scene 11, not pictured, is a wallet with some money strewn around. Probably to symbolize the financial situation of the dad, which was to say, not great lol

And scenes 12 and 13, pictured, are likely Yuka turning back to look at Yukine, presumably-- though I do wonder. Given the tie and suit, I wonder if this was meant to be YUKINE/Haruki when he was alive (it does kind of look like him, doesn’t it?), or if Yuka was originally intended to be Yukine’s BROTHER, or something else. Could totally be wrong, could just be an old design of Yuka! I do wonder though.

Anyway I love Noragami. It’s great. This was a silly thing I wanted to do, but it was fun to dig through the screenshots and pause every second haha. I know the fandom has mixed opinions on the anime, but it’s what introduced me to the manga, and I still do really love it. And Bones put a lot of love into it. I really hope we get a season 3 someday (and so does Kaji Yuki, according to his tweets lol). Thanks for reading!

like clockwork, aaron is on my mind and i am drawing him like an anime girl

i think one of the things that upsets me the most about velma and shaggy's relationship in sdmi--and boy there is a lot--is that not only is her constantly ''correcting'' him for minor, harmless, and usually completely reasonable things with physical and emotional abuse, well. abusive by itself. but so many of the things he does that she treats him that way over are very autistic things, and what she subjects him to is textbook abuse aimed at autistics in particular. (including the part where she gets more and more pissed whenever attempts at said emotional abuse fly over his head, because he's too bad at picking up cues for them to land fully.)

[cws: anti-autistic ableism, ABA, self-harm, physical and emotional IPV, victim-blaming, and abuse apologism. it's a lot and it's really fucking bad lmao]

-

like. there's a lot of examples there; shaggy's behavior coming across as autistic is worth a whole post of its own, and a lot of media depicts abuse targeted at autistic traits because ✨️hooray ableism.✨️but she straight up tries to Fix Him (read: force him to perform a Presentable Personality) by forcing him to wear clothes that are sensory hell, and trying to condition him to self-harm every time he does some small harmless, reflexive thing she thinks is Poor Socialization until he stops. and to catch himself doing it, and punish himself, without being prompted. i cannot fucking overstate how fucked up that is.

they even got down the fun little aspect of ABA where the methods of conditioning-through-pain are presented as toys and kiddish things: she gives him a rubber band to wear on his wrist, and tells him to snap it as hard as he can every time he says 'like.' 🙃🙃🙃🙃

like. this does not begin to scratch the surface of the abuse she puts him through in general. and again, characters being abused for autistic traits with the approval of the narrative is a common thing in media, which sucks. but holy fucking shit! they really took the 'violent ableism that is done to autistics irl' to the next fucking level here!

.......and it's portrayed as kind of cringey, immature teen drama on both sides. the self-harm, his dread over how much he knows it'll hurt, and the extreme pain it causes him to the point of screaming are all supposed to be funny. and her arc is all about learning to accept that she deserves better, because she was repressed and had low self-esteem and therefore putting him through fucking DIY ABA didn't make her happy.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

anyway if you couldn't tell i can't fucking stand sdmi velma and i have a lot of words in me about it. when one of your main heroes would have made a way more compelling villain as they are, on a more mundane level compared to all the wild fantastical shit they go up against, holy shit go back to the drawing board you have fucked up. she could have been genuinely good representation of a marginalized person dealing with the trauma of her experiences in some shitty ways she has to grow past, and an interesting flawed character, without being absolutely despicable--hell, she'd have made a great foil to pericles if they'd handled him decently too. they have a lot of parallels, which only gain more depth when you add their respective parallels with cassidy into the mix. and it really fucking sucks that we got this instead.

Not done with bg3 so maybe my opinion will change but right now I think that while bg3 is a great game and has so much to offer in terms of character and story, I also just... vibe with the world of Dragon Age more. Like bg3 is by far the more fun game to play and it has meaningful themes about cycles of abuse and realizations of self-worth. But dragon age. I don't know. It feels more concise about what it wants to say. Bg3 throws everything and the kitchen sink at you which means some things get lost in translation or are so obvious that it beats you over the head with it. But dragon age is, for the most part, about religious authority and oppressive systems stemming from that authority, and it's entire world and story and cast of characters are built from that one premise to explore dozens of different perspectives on the same theme, and I feel like I can connect with that approach to worldbuilding so much more

wound dehiscence can quickly escalate to infection or even evisceration