#Miller family hijinks
Text
The Girl in IT - 4. Gooey
A Boss! Joel Miller x IT Specialist F! Reader AU
The LIST │ Series Masterlist
Chapter Rating: E (18+, MDNI - Minors Do Not Interact!)
Chapter Preview: "Why did you do that?" you blurt out, turning to face him.
Joel, seemingly unfazed, keeps his eyes on the road. "Do what?"
"I don't need you defending my honor against Tess. She already dislikes me, and now it's all awkward-"
"She doesn't hate you-"
"...but clearly I have a target on my back now that I'm involved with my boss!" You keep your eyes downcast, attempting to stifle a sob. "You didn't need to cause a scene."
Joel turns his head at that, his expression softening as he observes your distress, seemingly at a loss for words. "Sugar-"
"It's easy for you, you know? To throw the fact that you're the boss around and have this 'I can do what I want' attitude with whoever you please. But I could still lose my job! I need this job, Joel. I-"
"No, Sugar. Shit, I-" He opens his mouth, then closes it, appearing unsure of how to respond to your sudden outburst. Joel looks genuinely troubled, his frown mirroring yours.
"I'm disposable, Joel," you continue, refusing to meet his gaze. "You wouldn't understand where I'm coming from."
Chapter Warnings & Tags: No outbreak AU, Boss x Employee Relationship, Sugar Daddy Lite, Daddy Kink, Smut, SO MUCH SMUT, Age Gap, Overstimulation, Squirting, Older Man/Younger woman, So much dirty talk, DD/lg (kinda? they're both into it), Virgin Reader, Loss of Virginity, PIV Sex (finally!!!!), Breeding Kink, No beta we die like men!
Word Count: 6.4K
Chapter Title Inspo/Vibe: 'Gooey' by Glass Animals
"What's up with you and Sugar?"
Sarah casually strolls over to Joel's desk, perching her hip on the edge as she hands him a cup of coffee. "Maria said she saw the two of you at the mall yesterday," peering over him as he nervously takes a sip of his coffee, "... during working hours. She said you guys seemed mighty close and all, I guess she wasn't sick like Tess said?"
Joel chokes mid-sip, coughing out the hot coffee as Sarah smirks at him.
"So it's true, then?"
"I guess I can't hide anything from you, baby girl," Joel replies in between coughs. "Should have known I can't get anything past you."
"Well, I made a wild guess you were into her, being that I heard you singing 'Pour Some Sugar On Me" in the shower the other day.
"It was being played on the radio, can't control what they decide to play, you know?" he stops, taking a deep breath. "... besides, everyone loves Def Leppard," he mumbles under his breath.
Sarah gives him a knowing glance as she makes herself comfortable on the chair in front of him. "Dad, the radio stations don't put music on repeat." She fiddles with the sleeves of her sweater absentmindedly, her face deep in thought. "It wouldn't be a bad thing, you know? You and Sugar. She seems like a very sweet girl. Kind of shy, but I like her."
Joel arches an eyebrow. "Do you now?"
She shrugs. "I mean, she is kind of young, but age is just a number, right? It's not like she's in her 20s. Besides, Ellie is obsessed with her. She's always at her office, picking her brain about her thoughts on 80s music. She's a good influence on her."
Joel nods. "Ellie- I worry about her sometimes. Lord knows that I try to do right by her, adopting her and all that. Sometimes I think she needs-"
"... a feminine touch?"
"Something like that." Joel smiles to himself, his eyes still locked on his iPad as he continues his redline revisions to be sent off to the draftsmen. "I think her being surrounded by Tommy and I makes her too-"
"Feral?" Sarah quips, chuckling. "Rough around the edges? Aggressive? It comes with the territory, I guess, with no mother figure around, you know?" she picks a hangnail. "Tommy said that she nearly castrated a client on the job site the other day for asking her out on a date."
"That jerk was asking for it." Joel retorts, his back stiffening. "You adjusted well enough without a mother."
Sarah sighs. "It doesn't mean it was easy, though. It would have been nice, you know? There's just things that I can't talk to a guy about, as much as you tried to be there for me."
"This thing with Sugar, It's new - but I know what I feel for her."
Sarah nods. "You don't need to give me all the details. I trust you, and if she's someone you want to pursue, I won't be mad about it, if that's what you're thinking. Like I said, she's a nice girl."
"She's... fuck, Sarah, she's amazing. She takes my breath away, every time she smiles at me. Fuck. I feel like a teenager, being around her. I don't know what it is, but I always want to be around her." Joel chuckles, smiling at Sarah. "I'm crazy about her."
"Well, you must be if you're out here buying Teslas like you would coffee."
Joel leans back in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips. "Oh? I wasn't aware that she bought a new car."
Sarah crosses her arms, a skeptical look in her eyes. "Dad, you do realize I handle HR, right? I know what everyone's making. I find it hard to believe she's casually splurging on a Tesla, especially a Model X." She shrugs, giving her father one last look as she heads towards the door. "I know it's tempting, wanting to spoil her. You worked for it, you know? To get where you're at now, but I have a feeling Sugar doesn't care about all of that, just like how Ellie and I don't care about that. Money comes and goes. It's what's inside that chest of yours that matters at the end of the day, ok?"
Joel smiles at Sarah once more as she walks out the door. "I love you too, baby girl."
Joel opens his messenger app, smiling at his earlier conversation with Sarah.
[Hey Sugar, you busy?]
I'm about to head into a meeting with Tess, what's up?
[Just wanted to see if you wanted to get some lunch?]
I can't. Tess is pissed that I was out yesterday. I think this meeting is going to run past lunch. Rain check?
[.....]
Joel?
"Tess, what are you doing?" Joel demands, walking into Tess' office without knocking.
"Well hello to you, too Joel."
Joel stands at the door, his hands on his hips. "Sugar told me that she's going to be working through lunch with you-"
Tess scoffs, placing both arms on her desk. "Well, if the two of you didn't decide to fuck off work yesterday, maybe she wouldn't have to work past lunch."
"Sugar was sick. I had to do shit back at the house-"
"So you didn't go to the mall together yesterday?"
"It was her birthday, we just so happened to run into each other-"
Tess rolls her eyes at that. "I don't care what the fuck you guys do on your own time, but don't fuck around on my time!" she spits, pointing a finger at Joel. "Don't try to bullshit a bullshitter, Joel. Maria saw you guys. That girl of yours is lucky I didn't ask her for a doctor's note!
Joel pinches his forehead. "Tess-"
She shakes her head. "What are you doing, Joel? Have you lost your fucking mind? We have a business to run, YOUR business! Time doesn't stop just because you decided that you want to act like a fucking teenager, running around like you have no responsibilities! People depend on you to not fuck around!"
Meanwhile, you hear the shouting match between Joel and Tess from your office, your head in your hands as you listen to the both of them bicker about the stunt that you and Joel pulled yesterday. You sigh, knowing that you told Joel that you had a bad feeling about blowing off work.
"Never a dull moment at Miller Construction, huh?" Frank leans casually against your doorway, offering a knowing wink. "Nice ride, by the way. Makes me wonder if I picked the wrong man, huh?"
"Frank, cut it out. You were supposed to be at the showroom ten minutes ago," the gruff voice of the head civil engineer interjects, rolling his eyes as he strides through the hallway, delivering you a brief nod. "Sugar, Happy Belated Birthday. Hope you're feeling better."
"Thanks, Bill," you reply with a hint of meekness.
"Frank! Let's go," he shouts impatiently, already at the front door.
"Well, as much as I'd love to stick around for the theatrics of our esteemed leaders... keep me posted, okay? I want a play-by-play! Nice dress, by the way. Celine?"
"Uh-"
"Frank!"
"I'm COMING! Geez, you'd think after 15 years of marriage, it gets easier, right?" he shrugs. "Well, Sugar, it's been a pleasure." He winces as Tess' shrill voice echoes in the distance. "Go console Joel before he pops a vessel; I think someone might just call the police this time!"
You nod absentmindedly, offering him a small smile. "Sure thing," you reply, the weariness evident in your voice.
It was a lot easier when you worked at Geek Squad. Sure, you got paid almost close to nothing dealing with irate customers for eight hours, answering mundane questions -
Did you try to restart the computer?
Did you make sure that the monitor was plugged in?
Sure, I can wait for your granddaughter to come home to help you…
It was soul-sucking, but it was easy. Easier, compared to dealing with someone like Tess. Tess took no shit - no excuses, no bullshit. She didn’t care if you had a dentist appointment and couldn’t schedule it on the weekend. She didn’t care if you needed a mental health day. Your time was her time, and you found that out the hard way real quick… and now she knew. Knew that you blew off work and knowing Tess, she probably knew that Joel finger fucked you into oblivion in the Neiman Marcus dressing room. You can't help but have respect for her, a woman walking amongst the men in an unforgiving industry. If there was anyone who had balls of steel, it would be Tess.
"Joel, why can't you just wait to fuck her after work like a responsible adult?!" She shouts, the tell-tell sound of something being thrown against the wall echoing through the hall. You flinch, sinking into your seat further as you groan in embarrassment.
"Hey!" you hear the other Miller brother yell from the other end of the hallway, his hurried steps passing through as he makes his way toward the absolute meltdown happening between Joel and Tess. "What the hell is going on? The entire fucking building can hear the both of you! What the fuck?!"
"Tess is being a bully, telling people they have to work through their lunch-"
"Your brother here is throwing a fucking hissy fit accusing me of bullying his little girlfriend - I told you hiring her was a bad fucking idea!"
"YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!" Joel shouts, the sound of his fist hitting the hollow of the door. "You keep her out of your fucking mouth, Tess!"
"Joel," you hear Tommy, his voice lowered in a shoddy attempt to placate his brother. "Let's just calm the fuck down, okay? you guys are scaring the engineers-"
"OH FUCK THE ENGINEERS, TOMMY," Tess screams, "You tell your brother to stop playing favorites and fucking around with THE HELP!"
"Tess," Tommy stammers, "I know you're upset, but you're being out of line right now, let's just take a moment to calm-"
"Oh fuck off, Tommy! you're here always defending your brother when he's just fine screwing around, fucking us over! why don't you grow a pair-"
"Tess," Joels cuts her off, his voice laced with his building anger. "I know you think that you run the show, but it is still my company, that I run. You don't go and bully everyone just because you think you can. You may call the shots, but you still report to me. Denying an employee lunch is an HR violation! Should I call Sarah in here too? Slap the fucking employee handbook on your desk and clear the air? Your meeting with Sugar can wait until after lunch, do I make myself clear??"
You don't realize you're holding your breath until-
"DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"
You hear Tess curse, and you can imagine her face, clear as day, glaring at Joel, the both of them not wanting to back down.
"Crystal."
You hear the slamming of a door, followed by the heavy-footed steps of Joel as he makes his way back to his office.
You sit in a daze, looking off into space, trying to process what just happened. You're only broken off from your thoughts by the unmistakable sound of your messenger, its distinctive ping! jolting you back to the present.
[So, lunch?]
"So, what cravings does my Sugar have today?" Joel murmurs, gently taking your hand as he navigates out of the parking lot.
"Why did you do that?" you blurt out, turning to face him.
Joel, seemingly unfazed, keeps his eyes on the road. "Do what?"
"I don't need you defending my honor against Tess. She already dislikes me, and now it's all awkward-"
"She doesn't hate you-"
"...but clearly I have a target on my back now that I'm involved with my boss!" You keep your eyes downcast, attempting to stifle a sob. "You didn't need to cause a scene."
Joel turns his head at that, his expression softening as he observes your distress, seemingly at a loss for words. "Sugar-"
"It's easy for you, you know? To throw the fact that you're the boss around and have this 'I can do what I want' attitude with whoever you please. But I could still lose my job! I need this job, Joel. I-"
"No, Sugar. Shit, I-" He opens his mouth, then closes it, appearing unsure of how to respond to your sudden outburst. Joel looks genuinely troubled, his frown mirroring yours.
"I'm disposable, Joel," you continue, refusing to meet his gaze. "You wouldn't understand where I'm coming from."
"I wouldn't let her do that, baby."
"Just because you like me doesn't mean I'm immune, Joel."
“You do excellent work, Sugar. If there’s anyone to blame for what happened yesterday, it’s me, alright? Tess’ issue is with me, not you." He heads into town, pulling over to a metered parking spot in front of a few storefronts. He cuts the ignition, staring into the distance as he takes a few deep breaths. "You're wrong, baby," he says finally, turning towards you. He gives you a small smile, "I don't like you."
You feel your expression shift into something resembling pain as Joel hurriedly reaches for your hand, gently taking it into his.
"I love you, Sugar," he breathes, "I've been in love with you, all this time."
"Joel, you don't need to say this just to make me feel better."
Joel shakes his head, unbuckling his seatbelt to lean towards you, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead. "Are you saying I'm a liar?"
A tear rolls down your cheek. "No one has ever-"
"Then let me try to show you just how much I do, baby."
"What if I'm bad at it? Bad at loving you?"
Joel looks deep into your eyes, his gaze tender and unwavering. "There's no such thing as being bad at loving, Sugar. Love is about understanding, patience, and growing together. We'll figure it out, one step at a time."
He wipes away the tear from your cheek with his thumb and offers you a reassuring smile. "I'm not expecting perfection, just you, baby girl. That's all I've ever wanted."
"What if I'm not ready to say it back just yet?"
"I'll take whatever you're willing to give me", he smiles. "Just let me love you, okay?"
Later that day, you finally muster up the courage to make the short journey down the hall for your meeting with Tess. You would be lying if you said you weren't five seconds away from shitting your pants, that's just the effect Tess has on everyone in the office.
"Tess?" you knock on her door, clearing your throat and hoping she doesn't catch the slight tremor in your voice. You attempt to compose yourself, standing a bit taller as you wait for her reply with bated breath.
"Come in!"
You hesitantly shuffle in, feeling like a moron standing before her in your new dress, feeling like she can see right through you. "Look, about earlier-"
Tess glances at you as if you've suddenly sprouted another head. "Why don't you just have a seat, and we can get this over with."
You stand in your spot timidly, shifting on your feet. "Okay," you say, settling into the seat across from her and placing your MacBook on her desk. "Where did you want to start?"
"Let's go over the employee reports."
"Okay, well," you begin, nervously pushing your hair behind your ear as you load up your reports, keeping your eyes locked onto your screen as you feel the weight of Tess' gaze on you. It's unnerving, you think to yourself. "There haven't been any new issues; everyone seems to be on task, and productivity has been steady, if not increasing-"
"Do you want a drink?" Tess interrupts suddenly, the sound of a drawer opening as she pulls out a bottle of whiskey. "It was your birthday yesterday, right? Why don't we take the edge off?"
"Uh," you glance at the time on your computer screen. 4:05. 55 minutes before the end of the day. You eye her warily. "We still have an hour before... we still have an hour before the end of the day," you cautiously mention, a hint of uncertainty in your voice.
Tess pours two glasses of whiskey, sliding one towards you. "A little celebration won't hurt. Besides, it's been a day."
You hesitate for a moment before accepting the glass, the cool surface feeling unfamiliar in your hand. "To what, exactly?"
Tess smirks, raising her glass. "To getting through the day, and to not making a big deal out of things that don't matter. To burying the hatchet. To your birthday," she adds. She leans towards you, her gaze heavy on yours. "Shall we?"
"Sure," you say, not one to shy away from a challenge. "What the hell."
It's not an hour later you find the both of you drunk off your asses.
"You know, I can see it," Tess says, eyeing you as she leans back in her desk chair. "Why Joel is so taken with you? You're quite a woman."
"Oh?"
"It takes one strong woman to be able to see the kind of illicit porn the Miller brothers watch and not bat an eye at it. Tell me, what has our leader been into lately?"
You try to stifle a giggle, attempting to hide a blush. "Well, he usually watches a lot of secretary stuff, but lately-"
"Let me take a wild guess," Tess says as she takes a swig out of the bottle, shot glasses long abandoned. "Sweet little housewife porn?"
"Not quite."
Her eyebrow raises curiously. "Worse than that?"
"Well, there's been an uptick of... breeding porn?" you blush furiously. "it's a lot."
Tess bursts into a fit of laughter, clutching her middle, all sense of professionalism out the window. "I think he's trying to tell you something!"
"What do you mean?" you ask, meeting her giggles. "What is breeding porn anyway?"
Tess stares at you. "Really Sugar? It means he wants to fuck a baby into you!"
You scratch the back of your head, clearly at a loss. "I-"
"The sex must be great," she quips. "I don't think that man has been intimate with anyone for the last ten years." She leans over toward you. "He has to make up for lost time," she whispers, giving you a wink.
"Yeah", you stammer, "It's great."
"Well, when you say it like that, maybe the old man lost his touch."
"Tess, can I level with you? I... I'm a virgin. I'm a 36-year-old virgin. Does that change how you see me?"
"Well, it depends. Is it by choice?"
You shrug, a hiccup escaping from your body. "I'm not entirely sure. Maybe it's a mix of both. Like I'm defective."
"Lay it on me," she looks around your surroundings, making sure that the door is closed. "This is a safe space... most of the time." She gives you a pointed look.
"I guess... I don't know how to put myself out there. My parents, well, my dad- he was strict. One of those "You're not allowed to date until you're 80" kind of dads." You take another sip of whiskey, scrunching your face as it burns down your throat. "I... tried to date in college, but it never went past a first date. There was a lot of ghosting. It gave me a complex, you know? Who wants to date a nobody who looks like me? and it's so fucking pathetic, you know? to be the unwanted one. All of my friends, well, they're married and have kids, and I'm just that token single friend they take pity on because I will always be unlucky in love."
"I think that's a load of bull," Tess scoffs, arms crossed.
"Do you know what I think? You dealt with too many boys and not enough men." She drinks from the bottle once more, reclining further into her seat as she places her ankles on the edge of the desk. "Do you wanna know what I see in front of me? I see a girl who worked her ass off getting her masters, who doesn't depend on mommy and daddy to fund her lifestyle - yes," she raises a finger, interrupting you from replying. "I know who your parents are. You're hyper-independent, and you don't like handouts. Boys don't want a woman who doesn't need them, they don't want a fucking challenge. Do you know who does love a challenge? Men. Men like Joel."
Tess leans in, a sly grin playing on her lips. "Joel, now there's a man who appreciates someone like you. Someone who doesn't need saving, who's got her own game going. Boys might be intimidated, but men, well, they see a partner, not a project."
She takes another swig, the bottle now almost empty. "You don't want to waste your time on those boys playing grown-up. Trust me, been there, done that. Men bring something different to the table. They value independence, they crave a challenge. It's a whole different ball game. Think about it, Sugar. Besides," she laughs to herself, shaking her head. "I've never seen Joel so whipped for pussy in the 20 years that I've known him. You got him eating in the palm of your hand... and the best thing about it? you didn't even have to try. What woman can say that she managed to bag a millionaire without having to put out? Now that's power."
"What's this?" Joel asks suddenly, his eyes narrowing at the two of you as he hovers over the doorway. If he knocked, the two of you were too drunk to notice. "Tess? Care to share why Sugar can barely sit straight?"
Tess throws her hands up in surrender, a faint chuckle out of her lips. "What does it look like? We're just having a little birthday drink. I'd offer you a drink," she picks up the empty whiskey bottle, "but it looks like we beat you to it."
"Joel!" you beam at him, spinning around in your seat, your face flushed from your conversation with Tess. "Just the man we were talking about!"
"Sugar, are you feeling ok?" he gives you a small smile, trying to hide his concern.
"I'm just peachy, thanks for asking!" you sway in your seat, grabbing onto the armrest to steady yourself. "Tess and I were just discussing how you haven't had-"
"Just going over productivity metrics" Tess cuts you off, clearing her throat as she tries to steady herself, wincing. "I offered her a drink to apologize for my behavior earlier. We got a little carried away-" She straightens herself, motioning towards you. "I think you should give her a ride home, make sure she doesn't end up in the next state over because she drunkenly typed in the wrong address in the Tesla."
"Home sounds good," you murmur under your breath, your eyes closed.
Joel lets out an exasperated sigh, moving towards your slouched figure. "Okay Sugar," he whispers, his hands gently placed on your shoulders to steady you. "Do you think you can walk?"
"Maybe?" you hiccup, your body feeling like lead is coursing through your veins as you attempt to meet his concerned eyes. "Are you going to take me home? I don't think I can drive, everything is so fuzzy..."
If you weren't drunk off of your ass, you might have sensed the sudden lift from your seat, Joel carrying you effortlessly with a stern look aimed at Tess. "I appreciate the effort to make amends, Tess, but maybe find a different approach other than getting the employees drunk." He adjusts you so your head rests on his shoulder, preventing any potential dizziness.
She shrugs, a smirk forming at Joel as he quietly tries to settle you. "What can I say? Whiskey cures all."
"Goodnight, Tess," Joel grumbles, adjusting his hold as he carries you towards the parking lot.
Joel carefully situates you in the passenger seat of his truck, securing your seatbelt and making sure your head rests comfortably, sighing as he takes in your inebriated state. He places a chaste kiss on your forehead, offering you a reassuring smile. "I'm going to get your stuff back in the office, just close your eyes, okay?" he whispers, giving you one last glance before closing the door.
"I don't want to head home tonight. Can I crash at your place, Joel?" you murmur, eyelids too heavy to keep open. You swear you hear Joel reply something in return, but the alcohol in your system is finally starting to settle deep within your bones, lulling you into a deep sleep.
You don't remember much after that.
When you finally stir, it's dark. Instead of the familiar hum of Joel's truck, warmth envelops you, an arm securely around your middle. Joel snores softly.
"Joel?" you call out in the dark, your eyes trying to adjust to the lack of light. "Where am I?"
"Hush, baby, go back to sleep. It's still early," he mumbles, tightening the arm around you. You feel him gently press a kiss on your head. "Sleep, my little love, we'll talk in the morning, okay?"
"Okay," you reply, the smoothness of his voice lulling you back to sleep.
"I love you, Joel." you think you say in your sleep. You don't care at this point, there's no sense of hiding it.
You swear you feel the ghost of his smile in response.
The next time you wake, the sunlight is pouring into the depths of Joel's bedroom, casting a hazy light, the air in the room still cold against your bare skin. Your eyes open wider at the realization that you're no longer in your work clothes. You blush at the thought of Joel undressing you, his hungry gaze on your bare body as he redresses you in something comfortable, embarrassed at the fact that you were too drunk to remember. You reluctantly open your eyes, blinking away the haze from a night of heavy drinking, trying to stifle a groan, not wanting to wake Joel.
You managed to lay halfway on top of him this time, your face buried in the crook of his neck. One of his hands is splayed against the expanse of your back, his leg slotted in between your thighs. You swear if you hitched your leg higher you would feel the firmness of his cock, already at half mast beneath the fabric of his boxers. You gaze at it in silent wonder, the realization that he's quite large - larger than the ones you see when you allow yourself to watch porn yourself.
You find yourself grinding against his thigh, the sensation feeling like molten lava coursing through your veins. You don’t realize what you’re doing until the hand on your back starts to move, motioning your body to move back and forth as you continue to rub your clit against the hardness of his leg. "Fuck baby, are you close? You're shaking." he says roughly, pulling you into a kiss.
"Joel, I saw what kind of porn you've been watching lately."
Joel stiffens at that, his hand still. "I'm beginning to think I can't hide shit from anyone," he laughs. "I guess I'm that transparent."
"Are you embarrassed?" you chuckle. "You can tell me, you know. Tess told me it's obvious that you want to fuck a baby-"
Joel groans. "Let's not talk about Tess right now. Besides- I know that you're a virgin, Sugar. I want your first time to be special, do it the right way. Let me help you ease into it-"
"Wasn't that what yesterday was about?" you blush, burying your face into his neck. "What if I'm ready now?"
"... are you sure, Sugar?" he asks hesitantly, his fingers gently caressing your cheek. "Don't want to pressure you into something you're not ready for."
"I don't want anyone else but you, Joel."
"You don't know how much I ache for you," he murmurs against your skin, placing wet open-mouthed kisses on your sternum, his hands slowly creeping up your shirt, his fingers grabbing onto the hem. "Can I, baby?" he asks, meeting your gaze as he kisses your skin. You give him a silent nod, lifting yourself slightly as he gently pulls his shirt off of your body, his eyes roaming on the slopes of your breasts. "Such perfect fucking tits, baby. Are they just for me?" he asks, the tip of his tongue flicking your nipple, his hand grasping the other.
"Yes Joel, just for you," you breathe. His hands drift lower towards your aching cunt. "Put a baby into me, Joel. I want it."
"Fuck," he shouts, his hands grabbing your ass, shifting your body to be at the center of his king-sized bed. "You shouldn't say those things to me, I might just do it," he replies, settling himself in between your thighs. He cants his erection against your cunt, capturing your lips for a bruising kiss. "Can you feel just how much I ache for you?" His hand finds your core once more, his thumb pressing on your clit.
Oh.
Your hands find his, pushing it onto your clit harder, the added pressure making you arch your back, your chest pressing onto his. His mouth finds your breasts once more, his tongue eagerly lapping and sucking at your pebbled nipples. "Such beautiful tits, Sugar. It'll get more beautiful when they get bigger and full of milk for my baby."
He continues to worship your tits for a while, the pleasure that he's pulling from you making you dizzy with want, your pussy clenching onto nothing as he continues to grind against you. "Fuck Joel!" you cry out, your body chasing your orgasm, your chest too sensitive from his ministrations.
"Tell me what you want, baby. What do you need?"
"I need your cock, daddy. I feel so fucking empty-"
Joel gives your breasts one final suck, the pop echoing throughout the vastness of his room. "I have to make you come first, baby. You're not ready for my cock yet." He slides a finger between your folds, his thumb adding more pressure onto your clit. Joel shifts his body down, pressing kisses down your torso as he makes his way to the waistband of your panties, his fingers hooking into the elastic, pulling them down. He hooks his arms under your thighs, pulling you to the edge of his bed, spreading you wider as you present yourself to him.
"Baby," he groans like he's in pain. He parts your slicked folds with his finger, coating it with your wetness. You jump as he flicks your clit, pinching it for good measure. "I'm beginning to think you're aching for me too, Sugar." You moan deeply, your body thrashing between the sheets, your body begging for more.
"Don't fucking tease me, Joel," you pant. "I need you-"
He slaps your pussy harshly. "You'll take what I give you, little girl. Do I need to teach you how to be patient? We skipped dinner last night, you gonna deny Daddy of his meal?"
"No, Daddy. Please-"
"Are you gonna be a good little girl and let Daddy take care of you? Let me taste your sweet pussy?" he adds a second finger against your folds, teasing your entrance as you gasp and throw your head back.
"Yes," you plead. "Yes, yes, yes, take what you want-"
You can hardly breathe as Joel tugs your legs over his shoulders, angling your hips. You swear you feel your heart beating through your ears, your entire body feeling like it's on fire. Joel gives you one last smirk as he lowers his face to your cunt.
You swear you implode the moment his mouth comes in contact with your clit.
His tongue is lapping at your slick, the tip flicking your aching nub, languidly kissing your slit, taking his time. He's devouring you like he's been starved for years, getting hungrier and more desperate as you swear you can feel the bed shake, his dick grinding down on the mattress. He harshly grabs the globes of your ass cheeks, slipping his tongue at your entrance, your entire body flailing on the bed from overstimulation.
He reaches for your hand and places it on his head, your fingers threading through his curls. "Hold on to me, Sugar. Don't be gentle," he says against your pussy, groaning as you pull so hard you swear you might just pull it out of his scalp. You begin to rock your hips against his face, the tip of his nose grazing against your clit, the both of you finding a rhythm as you chase your impending orgasm. You're close. So close.
"Come for me, baby. Fucking soak my face-" Joel begs, taking your clit in his teeth. Tears begin to form at the corner of your eyes, your body trembling and shaking and thrashing as he continues to consume you.
"Joel!" you cry, "It's too much, I can't-" You swear your vision blacks out as you suddenly feel a gush of slick being released out of you, soaking Joel's face and the sheets beneath you. You try to meet his gaze, his pupils blown black, his eyes wide.
"That's a good fucking girl!" he shouts, lapping you up completely, drinking from your pussy. He suddenly rises to his feet, his hands still gripping your thighs, lifting your ass higher as he lines his cock to your entrance.
"Are you sure you want this?" he asks, probing the tip at your entrance. "Once I start I won't be able to stop. Is this something you want? I need to hear you say it."
"I want it, Joel. I want you."
"Do you want me to wear a condom?"
You look at him, shaking your head. "I thought you said you wanted to fuck a baby into me. I'm not on anything and you would be my first-"
Joel wraps your thighs around his waist, leaning towards you as he kisses you, long and deep. "I love you, Sugar... and I know you love me," He inches his tip into your entrance slowly, giving you shallow thrusts. "I'll give you everything-" he groans as he slowly fills you to the hilt, stopping his thrusts as he allows you to adjust to his length.
It's a lot. Too long and too thick and you're gripping onto him, gripping onto him like a vice. You gasp at the intrusion, the pinch so sharp you close your eyes in pain, clutching at Joel, digging your nails harshly against his skin.
"I need you to relax, Sugar," Joel says, his voice strained. "What do you need? I don't want to hurt you."
You shake your head. "Just... talk to me. Distract me." You take a deep breath. "When did you know? Know that you loved me?"
The corner of his mouth twitches, a small smile on his face as he starts to slowly push in and out of you. "Do you remember the day that you first yelled at me? The day when I was working when it was storming out-"
"The day we had a tornado watch?" you pant, taking another deep breath as he continues to thrust into you, slow and deep. "You were an absolute moron, risking your life for some bullshit deadline my dad held over your head-" you gasp, your hips canting towards as you meet him thrust for thrust. "No amount of money is worth risking your life-"
"I couldn't bear seeing you cry, begging me to come down the roof," he groans, grabbing onto your hip as he thrusts deeper into you. "No one besides my family has shown me such care for my well-being, not even Sarah's mom, forcing me to work hell or high water... fuck. You feel so fucking good baby, I don't think I can last-" he starts to thrust into you in earnest, the sound of skin hitting skin echoing throughout the room.
It's obscene.
"You practically jumped onto me the moment I came down, gripping onto me like a life raft, fuck... feeling you in my arms, the tears running down your face-" he's pounding into you now, both of his hands gripping onto your hips harshly as he fucks you into the mattress. "I was fucking gone for you, baby," he pants. "I knew I loved you then. Knew I had to make you mine, no matter what it took... Fuck." Joel closes his eyes, throwing his head back as he fucks into you deeper, so deep you can't think straight, your second orgasm building. His chest is heaving as he opens his eyes once more, his face full of love and adoration.
You never thought you would feel what belonging felt like, what home would feel like.
Seeing him look at you in wonder, like you hung the stars in the sky at night yourself...
You don't realize you're both crying, the tears from Joel's eyes running down his face as he sets a brutal pace, angling your hips higher as he plows into you.
"I want to give you a family, baby. I want you to stay, forever."
"Then don't let me go, Joel. Don't leave me-" you gasp, your face wrought with tears. "I love you, Joel. So much."
"I won't," he breathes, leaning over you as he kisses you furiously, his hips snapping into you. "You're so close, baby, I can feel you gripping me so tight, I'm going to fill you up so good, give you a fucking baby, keep you in this house I built for you, never letting you leave..." he babbles incoherently. "Come with me, baby. Come with me, please-"
Your body tenses up like a coil, the string keeping your sanity together snapping as you shriek, Joel roaring as you both come, his spend pulsing into deep into you, thick and hot and molten.
Joel slumps onto you, completely spent. He keeps his cock in you until he softens and slips out, his finger quickly gathering the spend seeping out of you and pushing it in, keeping it safe. He laughs as he falls onto the mattress next to you, pressing small chaste kisses on your face, taking you into his arms.
"Did you mean it?" he asks softly, his fingers cradling your face. "Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"
You take his hand in yours, threading your fingers through his, offering him a small smile.
"I love you, Joel. So much."
Taglist: @sarcasm-theotherwhitemeat, @gwendibleywrites, @joeldjarin, @brittmb115, @thewiigers,
@auteurdelabre, @quicax3, @casa-boiardi, @amyispxnk, @untamedheart81,
@paleidiot, @bbiophiliaa, @laurrrra, @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 (I apologize if I missed anyone, but if you are looking for any of my fic updates, please feel free to follow my updates blog @chiriwritesstuffnotifs!)
#The Girl in IT#pedro pascal#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel miller x female reader#joel tlou#joel the last of us#the last of us fanfic#tlou fic#joel miller smut#joel miller tlou#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal characters fanfiction#pedro pascal fandom#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfic#the last of us#tlou fanfiction#Miller family hijinks
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hi there.
do you like audio dramas?
are you a fan of hijinks based comedy, with a heavy dose of science, a heaping of anti-capitalism, a deep warmth in every episode, and a dash of Asshole Found Family?
hi. I'm Alice, and I would like to introduce to you....
MIDNIGHT BURGER.
Midnight Burger is a time-traveling, dimension spanning diner, that sets down in a new place everyday somewhere out there in the multiverse.
who are the characters you ask????
ok first off with:
1. GLORIA!!!!
Gloria is a Mexican woman from Arizona sometime in the 2020 pandemic era of humanity. she once owned a taqueria and was very good at it. she is one of the few characters who lets us know who she is from the start and only learns how to grow and fight back against a universe that is against her. she isn't hiding from anything, just living.
2. CASPAR
Ok imagine this: Nick Miller from New Girl, mixed with Oscar the Grouch, and every little nitpicky contemporary philosopher of our age. And make him find people who care about him. That's him. He has been wandering for a long time, and is quite cagey about it. this one IS hiding. Listen to find out.
3. AVA
Direct quote: "Being around you is such a bong rip". Ok, imagine the show Cosmos, based on Carl Sagan's work, was hosted by an asshole theoretical physicist version of Into the SpiderVerse's Olivia Octavius. Genius woman who has won awards on her theories but was cast out for being "crazy". She ends up on the diner as their live-in theoretical physicist. she isn't hiding either, but she's definitely not an open person.
4. LEIF
A man who thinks he is wearing both an air of mystery and simultaneously an air of Being A Normal Buddy of Yours but in all honesty is just the smartest dumbass in the universe. he has dated.... a lot of different species (?). and he's good with technology and shit, wonder why that is. he is hiding from pretty much everything but that's bound to change.
Want the jist on the minor characters without spoilers???? here's some emojis, each line representing one.
🌲🌳🌴🌵🪴🍀☘️🍃🌿🌱🌾🍄🌸💮
💔❤️🩹👥🦾🦿👁️🤖🏋️🧑🌾🚀
🍃✖️3️⃣☮️🧘
🏴☠️🦜🤣👽🛸🔫
listen to this podcast. it's beautiful, hilarious, astounding.
#drugs tw#pls listen to midnight burger#midnight burger podcast#midnight burger#audio drama#audio fiction#podcast
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someone [Ben] said they wanted it so under the cut is my dsaf swap au stuff
Dayshift at Freddy's swap au "Dayshift at Bonnie's"
Retired circus ringleader Henry Miller and his adopted son Dave, along with their cat Mittens, have had a steady stream of bad luck. Henry losing his wife and biological son, and Dave losing his parents and being orphaned, the two find comfort in each other and take care of one another. On Dave's 20th birthday, the two go to the local eating spot, Springbonnie's Family Eatery, owned by the Kennedy family consisting of two parents and their 3 children. They get a discount since Dave is the night guard
Unfortunately, Henry gets into an accident, leaving Dave to fend for himself once again. Not long after, Dave falls victim to the shockingly spiteful and hateful hands of the Kennedy's youngest child, Dee. She purposefully rigs the springbonnie suit to fail on him after a rumor spreads that Dave is the reason Henry was killed in the diner.
There, the Real Springbonnie gives Dave a chance to redeem himself on the condition he solves the murdering problem that Springbonnie's faces.
Years later, Springbonnie's closes and Bonnie FazBunder's Deli opens, serving fresh submarine sandwiches. Unfortunately, there's a murdering problem here, the main suspect being the middle son, Jack.
What hijinks ensue when a familiar purple face appears at the front door? What secrets can be discovered within Bonnie FazBunder's? And WHY is that circus ringleader animatronic constantly staring in Dave's direction?
Maybe find out ;]
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i haven't heard of DSAF, please tell me!! super interested
oh im SO glad you asked
short answer is that a man named jack kennedy teams up with dave miller/william afton to kill children and then hijinks ensue and jack ends up killing him after he finds out dave killed his sister back in the 1970s(?), OR dave kills children and jack helps the children's souls move on to the afterlife (and also he kills dave)
there is, however, a much longer and more detailed explanation under the cut :-) (it's VERY long it's literally an entire timeline map of dsaf)
radical/aubergine/gnarly/bad ending timeline (yes it does really have that many names.)
>dr henry miller starts fredbears family diner with william afton/dave miller
>scott cawthon starts freddy fazbears pepperonerie (an obvious play on fredbears family diner) and it INFURIATES henry (and william because henrys angry)
>henry does fucked up experiments on william (lobotomizes him to some degree, takes out his organs, etc etc etc) in an effort to “cheat death” and become immortal
>henry manipulates william into killing children because it would "let them live out their happiest days forever" and william, due to growing up homeless and unhappy, whole-heartedly believes this because he has no reason not to trust henry (to his knowledge)
>jack kennedy is springlocked in the backroom and henry and dave use his death to get away with the murders, particularly the murder of a girl named dee kennedy, by labeling him as the murderer who then died, only for “the real fredbear” (a god-like entity in the form of a yellow bear) to show up and revive him so long as he promises to save childrens souls. following this jack skips town to live with his brother, peter kennedy
>henry tells william about his dead son, david, and william imprints on this and uses the alias dave/david miller
>dave works at ffp and kills children there while henry kills children at ffd
>henry is murdered and ffd is bought out by ffp, leading dave to work at ffp
>dave meets jack at ffp and dave negotiates that since jack is a "clean slate" he should help him murder five children, jack agrees and they lure five kids to the backroom and kill them
>phone guy/steven gets suspicious and he and dave both frame jack and get him springlocked in his suit (or killed by the police, really it doesn’t matter which)
>in dsaf 2 its confirmed jack survived because he’s functionally immortal and they once again kill children, however this time phone guy 2/peter finds out about this and engages jack in battle, only for “the real fredbear” to show up and be furious at this and then immediately fight jack, to which jack wins and kills “the real fredbear”
>in dsaf 3 dave(trap) is found rotting away in a building by jack and goes on a monologue of how he "knew he wouldnt leave him alone" and jack takes him back to the freddys location that jack now owns (uncle jacks family diner or whatever its called)
>davetrap and jack kill children, phone guy 3 (harry/jake/roger depending on who you choose) flips and phone guy 3 calls jack a terrible person before leaving
>davetrap springlocks jack to give him "immortality" and they go to vegas, where davetrap goes on a brief rant about how he realized he was never happy because jack never knew who he "really was" and confesses to being william afton
>davetrap takes jack to his "fazbunker" (note this is just the same place as we see in fnaf sister location) and shows him a chest containing a red scarf and other memorabilia from murders he’s committed, and thus jack has a realization that this is his dead sister dee's scarf and comes to the correct conclusion that dave/william killed his younger sister and framed him back during the ffd days, leading him to murder dave
good end/saved end/”THE end”
>everything is the same as before but this time you decline everytime dave asks you to kill kids and instead work with dee/the puppet to save the children via the happiest day minigame
>jack finds davetrap rotting and declines taking him back to uncle jacks family diner and davetrap sobs and cries and yells about how he should've known he would do this to him and begins begging jack not to leave him alone, but of course jack does and he heads home
>jack goes into "the flipside" via an arcade machine and sees dave just kind of. chilling. jack is reasonably caught off guard and they have a talk where dave explains the flipside is where souls come to chill and that this first layer is based around the 70s-80s fazbenders locations
>they scurry around in here for a while before a child’s ghost appears and they fight him before jack frees his soul (and dave comments on how it feels nice to free a soul)
>dave makes a portal (this is never explained btw.) and they head off to the second layer of the flipside to find more souls to free
>they scurry around the second layer of the flipside for a bit before pressing a button to open a door for the prize corner where dee is, where it’s then revealed she’s the puppet
>dee engages jack and dave in battle because she doesnt believe dave is "truly sorry" and thinks jack is making some sick joke at her expense
>jack explains to dave that dee is it’s sister and jack tells dee not to worry because dave’s changed. she does not believe this and so dave tells her his entire backstory to which dee decides he’s pathetic and that she’ll work with him to save the souls for the childrens sake
>jack fucks off back to the reality and does reality shenanigans like running his business
>he comes back and they go into a portal to the third floor which is designed around 80s-90s fazbenders locations. on the third floor we meet steven who’s just been there the entire time, and he INSTANTLY assumes they're there to kill him and makes them battle robots until they find him huddled in a corner. he rambles about how he’s unsaveable and they should just leave him and jack has to pull him from his spiral to tell him he’s still worth saving even if he was a bit of a dick to everyone
>dave makes another portal and they head down to the last level of the flipside and jack and dee remark about it being peters house and how weird that is because only jack and dee would remember that place
>they wander around for a while before finding peter sitting in a room, to which he remarks about being a trap and this confuses everyone
>jack’s soul appears in the form of “blackjack”, who is taking the form of jack’s dead dog sparky. blackjack is enraged that jack even exists, believing himself to be “the real jack kennedy” to which they argue and blackjack mentions how he has henry sitting in a void for all eternity as torment, this INFURIATES everyone to which they all collectively go “?? dude no we need to Kill Him.” and blackjack is pissed about it but he decides that “ok fine they can kill henry” so long as he gets to join them
>they fight henry and during it he takes down everyone by nitpicking their deepest insecurities, besides jack who then revives them all and they kill that bastard
>everyone leaves except for dave and jack and it’s revealed that since jack doesn’t have a soul inside him he cannot go with, so instead he gives blackjack off to dave so that he won’t be alone
>jack burns down his diner with him and every freddys animatronic inside and the plot of land is turned into a gravesite for william/dave, jack, dee, peter, and steven
#[ren]#obligatory dsaf tag#im just absolutely deranged about this series thank you for letting me rant about it hfgnfhg
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We're going live in less than a week! If you haven't checked out our trailer yet, do that here!
If you have, then you're ready to meet our cast of characters...
Light on the Lake at Midnight is a self-described dashing rogue; fending for himself away from fellow Tabaxi since his youth, he has learned when to move quietly, and when to explode onto a scene at maximum volume.
Gus Miller makes up for what she lacks in height and age with an overabundance of family members and the ability to turn into a giant hyena whenever she chooses.
Ser Gladstone Pyke made quite a name for himself as a youth (has he told you of the time he broke eight lances against The Lion?). Since then, he’s done little of value. He wishes to rectify this.
Lyosha Podkholmov and his trusty owl Asya are a little rough around the edges and have a poor working knowledge of social conventions. Hijinks abound when Lyosha is in town.
Meet them all on 6th February 2023 when our first three episodes drop... Where-so-ever you get your podcasts!
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So will there be any shipping in the Antares AU?
There will be, eventually. Romance isn't a focus, but I want to explore all types of relationships down the line. While I don't want to give away the ships that haven't been confirmed, or are a bit spoilery, here's a list of some of the ships in no particular order:
Obviously there's been some hijinks in the STRQ family line, what with Tai having been married to both Raven and then Summer, and Summer also having a Past with Tyrian, but other relationships STRQ have been involved in have been Irontai, tho it didn't last, dated Oobleck in high school but found they were better as friends, and Summer had a short-lived but sweet romance with William Schnee.
If Nora had lived in Antares, I absolutely would have had her be endgame with May Marigold, as Struck Gold is one of my most niche ships and one of my favourites. Unfortunately it was not to be, sads.
Robyn and Clover are exes, I've always thought they had that energy. Fiona Thyme has a relationship going on with an OC called Molly Miller, drummer of a local punk band called BiteYou.
Tyrian and Watts seem to have a Thing going on but they aren't comfirming anything and no one else in Evernight cares enough (or, in Sun and Emerald's case, are too batshit terrified) to ask.
Harriet was in a queerplatonic relationship with Kelpie Tortuga, which, uh, ouch. Roman and Neo were also in a queerplatonic relationship, it's complicated but they're definitely the most canon 'soulmates' of the whole AU. There are, or will be, a few other QPRs floating around in the future because I love them. I do plan to have some polycule rep as well.
#rwby#scorruby au#asks#so many of these relationships are in past tense but there will be stuff in the future#some of these characters mentioned are OCs yes#some have art I did in my OCxCanon week
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when sparks fly
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/VOznZak
by whatspastisprologue
The Delinquents have rented a lake house for their 4th of July weekend celebrations. Everyone is in desperate need of a break from work, relationship issues, and surprising pet adoptions. A relaxing holiday weekend is what everyone has planned. What could possibly go wrong? (Hint: hijinks and surprises galore and Mom Clarke & Dad Bellamy corralling their wayward children)
Words: 5989, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: The 100 (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: F/M
Characters: Bellamy Blake, Clarke Griffin, Raven Reyes (The 100), John Murphy (The 100), Harper McIntyre, Monty Green, Nathan Miller, Jasper Jordan
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Holidays, Fourth of July, Found Family, POV Bellamy Blake, Bellarke, Marper - Freeform, Established Relationship, Mom Friend Clarke Griffin, Dad Friend Bellamy Blake, Delinquent Children, Vacation, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, (There’s Barely Any Angst), Fluff and Humor, Best Friends, Endgame Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, endgame bellarke, Surprises, Surprise Pairing, Surprise Ending, Reminiscent of Dropship Days
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/VOznZak
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stargate episodes that should have been, part 60: set during “the return”: radek and jeannie adventure on earth! i imagine that after the events of “mckay and mrs miller” they struck up a correspondence that was at first mostly just jeannie checking in to see how rodney was doing, because he’s trying to be better at keeping touch but still isn’t communicating with her much so she has to go through zelenka. but then they become friends and get up to some wacky hijinks when the atlantis expedition returns to earth that are only tangentially related to rodney (ie., not directly his fault). there’s yet another bad guy who has gotten their hands on some top secret alien tech. it’s something ancient, and when they realize they need a special gene to activate it, they kidnap jeannie and radek first because they might have the gene (jeannie because rodney has it and the bad guys don’t know about the gene therapy, and radek because he was on atlantis), but when they realize they don’t have the gene, they keep them to coerce rodney into working for them. unfortunately for the bad guys, by the time rodney actually answers his phone to hear their threats, jeannie and radek have already made their escape! using a fire extinguisher that wasn’t removed from their makeshift cell due to safety regulations. they go out for pizza then realize that maybe they should call someone and let them know they’re okay. the sgc comes in and shuts the bad guys down and rodney gets yelled at because if he had answered his phone sooner they could’ve been rescued earlier (but, then they couldn’t have rigged a fire extinguisher bomb, so).
OMG THE DUO I'VE BEEN DYING FOR! listen, i'm always happy to see jeannie in an episode where rodney is not directly responsible for her imminent demise, or u kno, one where rodney isn't dying some kind of horrible death.
i love the idea that bad guys/trust who are in the kno about ancient stuff would potentially target atlantis personnel's family members because of the gene. i may or may not be thinking about dave, whose to say.
also, i like that rodney is still a terminally bad communicator, 'cause, well, he is, and that stuff doesn't magically fix overnight. but now jeannie is trying too, cause there is something to fight for there! her and radek would so totally hit it off. i can also see him asking her to consult on sciencey stuff rodney's been putting off, or is being frustratingly stubborn about in secret. and then when rodney deigns to notice a problems been solved, zelenka will let it slip and watch the fireworks go 😂
#u ever hyperfixate on ur work and forget to answer a text until 3 days later#'cause i feel that pain 😂#jeannie miller#radek zelenka#sga#asks
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The tops books I read over the 2020 – you know, what I could fit in between the entire world collectively losing its mind and a literal plague being unleashed on us.
This is ridiculously late, but my new year was just too busy to get this done and fight with tumblr over uploading x.x so here it finally is. I won’t go into detail about them, because I did that in my various monthly reviews, but (with the exception of Crave which was unspeakably bad but made the list because it was strangely iconic for my summer this year) this assortment of novels, novellas, comics, and manga were all fantastic reads that I would recommend people check out!
The list in a not-picture form:
A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood by Fred Rogers – a collection of illustrated poems from Mister Rogers
Belle Révolte by Linsey Miller – most recent queer novel by one of my favourite authors, about magic and science and war and medicine
Behind The Scenes by Bisco Hatori – a manga series by the creator of Ouran Highschool Host Club, a great coming-of-age story about a students in the theatre prop department
Binti by Nnedi Okorafor – a scifi novella about the first of the Himba people to leave for space after being accepted into the most prestige university in the galaxy
The Bromelaid Trilogy by Terry Pratchett – a series about a dying race of nomes who discover there’s more of them than they thought and more to the world than they imagined
Crave by Tracy Wolff – worst paranormal romance book I’ve ever read, derivative of, somehow, everything, do not fucking bother
The Deep by Rivers Solomon – a novella about a race of deep sea mermaids and how they cope with the traumatic history of their people
Doll Bones by Holly Black – a story about a group of kids as they struggle with growing beyond playing make believe and a ghost that may or may not be haunting them
Flawed Dogs by Berkeley Breathed – a story about dogs and how they survive in against the human standards of perfection and beauty, both hilarious and traumatically brutal
FRNCK by Olivier Bocquet & Brice Cossu – a French graphic novel series about a boy who accidentally falls back into prehistory and is adopted, somewhat reluctantly or at least with great confusion, by a family of cavemen
Ghost Hunters Adventure Club and the Secret of the Grand Chateau by Dr Cecil H. H. Mills – a Hardy Boys satire written by the Game Grumps which was probably the funniest book I read all year, I would highly recommend it even as someone with zero interest in the Game Grumps.
Gregor the Overland by Suzanne Collins – Gregor discovers a hidden world under New York populated by giant animals and strange humans that are determined to draw him into their political turmoil
The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson – I feel like I read this ten years ago. The novel that the Netflix series was loosely based on, a very cool horror with fascinating themes built into the subtext
Kings, Queens, and In-Betweens by Tanya Boteju – a Canadian slice-of-life novel about a young queer teen falling into the LGBT scene for the first time and figuring out friendship, love, and who she is
The Last Book On The Left by Marcus Parks, Henry Zebrowski, and Ben Kissel. True crime stories with a comedic twist, adapted from their podcast The Last Podcast On The Left.
Lupin III: World’s Most Wanted #3 by Monkey Punch – anyone on this blog knows I fell hard for Lupin this year. A goofy series about a world class thief and his team.
The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline – probably the best book of the year for me. A post-apocolypse story based around the horror of residential schools, climate change, and illness
Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyers – look I loved the Twilight series too much as a teen when it was first coming out not to have gone head over heels for this. Unabashedly loved it.
No Fixed Address by Susin Nielsen – a Canadian novel about child poverty and homelessness, more light-hearted and hopeful than it sounds
The One And Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate – a gorilla that’s spent his entire life placidly living in a tiny mall exhibit meets a new friend and suddenly has something bigger to live for and protect
Our Dreams At Dusk by Shimanami Tasogare – one of the best queer manga series I’ve ever read, super artsy and focuses on the different complicated experiences by a number of different characters
River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey – alternative history novella about a gay gunslinger and his team of hippo-cowboys in Louisana as they go on the biggest heist of their careers - so worth the read, this was tons of queer fun
Sanity & Tallulah by Molly Brooks – a graphic novel about the hijinks two young children (and aspiring mad scientists) can get up to on their space station home
The Witcher: The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski – can you believe The Witcher came out this year? Anyway, the novels were fucking amazing, some of the best high fantasy I’ve read in years
#book review#book reviews#chatter#canlit#canadian literature#queer literature#queer lit#the Witcher#river of teeth#sarah gailey#the one and only ivan#midnight sun#the marrow theives#lupin iii#gregor the overlander#a beautiful day in the neighborhood#mister rogers#our dreams at dusk#susin nielsen#the last book on the left#the last podcast on the left#king queens and inbetweens#the haunting of hill house#binti#behind the scenes#ouran highschool host club#berkeley breathed#flawed dogs#bloom county#linsey miller
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Analysing Copaganda (or "I watched seven seasons of Brooklyn 99 so you don't have to")
Introduction:
Several months ago my parents approached me asking if I wanted to watch Brooklyn 99, not knowing anything about it, my first instinct was to say no, but then I thought it would be interesting, to watch it and write a proper analysis for exactly what makes it propaganda and why it gives liberals brain worms. If you've spent any amount of time engaging with politics online for the last few years, you've likely already heard of Brooklyn 99. It's a sitcom written by Michael Schur, who previously wrote The Office (I'll get to that later), Parks & Recreation, and The Good Place. The show follows the lives of a squad of police detectives in Brooklyn and the wacky hijinks they get up to.
Brooklyn 99 has become famous, or arguably infamous, on Tumblr (and potentially other social media websites too) for being used as a "retort" to anti-cop sentiments (namely ACAB and any variation thereof), mainly taking the form of "the only good cop is Raymond Holt". In this essay (to use a funny Tumblr meme phrase) I will provide a brief overview of the show and the main characters, and analyse how the show, and each character individually, is pro-cop propaganda (copaganda).
The Show:
Brooklyn 99 is The Office, at least from what I understand about The Office. It’s a sitcom based in a workplace in which characters often pull pranks on each other and have wacky adventures pertaining to their job. The main thing that sets it apart from The Office is that the workplace in question is a police station, this makes it a cop show too. However, unlike more “classic” cop shows like CSI, Law & Order, The Wire, and so on, B99 doesn’t seek to glorify it’s characters as action heroes, but rather paint them as normal people living normal lives. This is far more insidious than the picture of the gnarled man of action who doesn’t play by the book, and by making the characters relatable the show gives viewers people to project onto, making them more vulnerable to the propaganda of the show.
Occasionally, in a break from the antics of Relatable Immature Prankster Archetype and Funny Overly Attached Best Friend Archetype, the show will attempt to say something about racism, or homophobia, or misogyny, or something like that, and while it usually feels well-meaning it often falls flat as it’s a watered-down safe-for-TV version of whatever the issue du jour is.
In S4E16 (“Moo Moo”), Terry is harassed by a racist cop while he doesn’t have his badge, and is almost arrested until he manages to prove his cop status, the rest of the episode revolves around how racism is bad and that one singular racist cop is a problem, in the end Terry submits a complaint to the NYPD higher-ups and gets his job application denied, and the racist cop gets away with a slap on the wrist. Throughout the show, Captain Holt tells stories about how he suffered from racism and homophobia, and still does. Transphobia is mentioned once (presumably for brownie points) in a throwaway line about Ace Ventura.
At the end of Season 4, Jake and Rosa are framed for a series of bank robberies and sent to prison, and the first two episodes of Season 5 work to show that prison is bad and prisoners are mistreated, they also make abundantly clear that everyone in prison is a menace and deserves to be there (Jake’s cellmate is a literal cannibal and he’s shown to be one of the nice inmates), once the duo are released from jail, there are a few lines here and there about how prison is bad, but they’re only throwaways used to serve as one-off jokes and never again used as an actual critique of the prison system.
Police Brutality is never mentioned, the closest it comes to bringing it up is in S1E19 (“Tactical Village”), where Rosa is introduced to a sonic-blast weapon and aims it as Charles, this is clearly supposed to be a very harmful piece of equipment, but it's only appearance is treated as a joke.
There are also recurring gags about Defense Lawyers being “the enemy” because they only defend guilty parties (the show heavily implies that none of the squad has ever arrested the wrong person), which meshes with the harmful stereotype in cop shows of only guilty people saying for a lawyer or a warrant or whatever, which has been documented before by others.
The Characters:
Jake Peralta (played by Andy Samberg) is the Relatable Immature Prankster Archetype I mentioned before, he’s the office funnyman and usually responsible for the majority of the goings-on and goings-wrong in the show, while he does mature and evolve through the show he never grows out of this character. He’s the closest the show gets to the “gnarled man of action who doesn’t play by the book” character I mentioned before, not because he is that character but because he wants to be, his favourite movie is Die Hard and it’s the reason he joined the police, so he could be like the cool bruce willis man. He’s also the most unlawful character on the show, in S1E7 (“48 Hours”), he arrests a man with no evidence and the squad is essentially locked down until evidence can be found, in the end it turns out the man is guilty. Jake is scolded for this, not for essentially breaking the law, but for wasting everyone’s time when they had much better things to do that night. Jake’s character is propaganda because he’s the zany relatable one with a heart of gold.
Amy Santiago (played by Melissa Fumero) is the overly-organised hyper-nerd archetype, in direct opposition to Jake. Her dream is to be the NYPD’s youngest female captain, and she’s very “I want to keep the people safe” in her approach to policing. In S3E3 (“Boyle’s Hunch”), she is used as the face of the NYPD’s poster campaign, only to have her image vandalised, which is painted by the show as being very bad and sad. Amy’s character is propaganda because she’s the uptight peacekeeper who sticks to the rules.
Charles Boyle (played by Joe Lo Truglio) is the Funny Overly Attached Best Friend Archetype I mentioned before, often depicted as bumbling and naive, he’s an incredibly competent detective, arguably more so than Jake. He’s usually polite and friendly, and has moments of childishness that compliment Jake’s character. Charles’ character is propaganda because he’s the nice guy who just wants what’s best for everyone.
Raymond Holt (played by Andre Braugher) is probably the character most people are aware of, he’s a somewhat stuck-up man who embodies a lot of the same characteristics as Amy, he’s highly-educated, incredibly smart and quick-witted, and emotionally restrained. Originally presented as an outsider, being the new guy to the pre-existing friendgroup, he learns to relax and let go over the course of the show, and acts almost as a father figure to the other characters, primarily Jake and Amy. Raymond’s character is propaganda because he’s a black gay cop.
Rosa Diaz (played by Stephanie Beatriz) is tough, aloof, and often scary in the eyes of the other characters, she is shown to have problems with engaging with people socially, particularly romantically, and while her exterior is rough as uncaring, she’s shown to be fiercely loyal and have some not-so-tough secrets. In Season 5 she comes out to the squad as Bisexual. Rosa’s character is propaganda because she’s the no-nonsense tough cop who secretly has a heart of gold.
Terry Jeffords (played by Terry Crews) is a kind and caring man with a firm-but-fair attitude, acting as Holt’s second-in-command he also acts as a father figure to the other characters, he has two (eventually three) children which he is often seen gushing about. He is the most mature of the group, on-par with Holt in some respects but sometimes more so, refusing to take part in hijinks to focus on his job. Terry’s character is propaganda because he’s the physically strong and imposing, yet kind cop who just wants to provide for his family.
Michael Hitchcock (played by Dirk Blocker) and Norm Scully (played by Joel McKinnon Miller) are an inseparable pair of bumbling, lazy, oafs. Scully is fat, lazy, and old, Hitchcock is lecherous, lazy, and old. They’re propaganda because they’re the lazy incompetent cop archetype.
There are plenty of minor recurring characters, as well as Gina Linetti, a main character who left after Season 6, however as she’s a liaison and not a cop I won’t be analysing her in detail.
There’s a lot more I could have mentioned here, from the dirty cop that sense Jake and Rosa to jail, or the police commissioner who wants to spy on everyone’s phones all at once, Holt even says the line “I don’t want to live in a Police State”, but I’ve left them out for the sake of brevity.
Conclusion:
Brooklyn 99 is copaganda to it’s very core, this much everyone already knows, but unlike serious cop dramas and high-stakes high-action cop shows, Brooklyn 99 offers viewers an escape to a world where the police are the force for good that people want them to be. The premise of “The Office but police” suckers people in with nostalgia for the late 2000s/early 2010s back when things were “good”. Given Michael Schur’s previous work I imagine he and the other writers didn’t explicitly set out to make copaganda, but it’s undeniable that this is what was achieved. And now with the political climate being what it is and the threat of a potential Season 8 addressing this year’s BLM protests, it’s now more important than ever to be able to identify and root out police propaganda, no matter how unassuming, no matter the source.
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Meet Me at the Farmers Market - A Christmas Special - 🎅 Santa's Baby ❄️
A Farmers Market! Joel AU x Confident! Plus Sized! F! Reader
Series Masterlist
Series Summary: What does a Contractor do in his spare time? Sell his wood carvings at the Saturday Farmers Market, of course! A Grumpy x Sunshine Joel Miller series collective of one shots
Chapter Rating: T
Word Count: 1.4K
Chapter Warnings & Notes: Explicit language, Miller Family Hijinks, Joel's in a costume, Ellie's in a costume, everyone is in a costume!, Naughty Santa, Tommy just can't help himself, One big-time jump into the future!, Joel is a girl dad through and through, Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!
Summary: What happens when Joel is forced to be the market's resident Santa? This story takes place five years after Pt. 6
A/N: ... and the Miller Family Hijinks™ are back!
In all seriousness, I want to thank everyone who has read, shared, liked, and loved this little series of mine. What came from an insane idea one day working at the farmers market to where we are now, I am so thankful for all of you that has supported me and my silly little series this year! I am so so so happy you all love Farmers Market Joel, and I can't wait to write more for you all! Here is a little Christmas treat set a few years in the future. I hope you all enjoy! Merry Christmas, everyone!
Dividers by @saradika
“Tommy, you fucking owe me… big time.”
Joel shifts uncomfortably in his seat, the cheap polyester of the ill-fitting Santa suit clinging to his bare skin, leaving him itchy beyond belief. Thank god it’s decently cold in Austin this time of year, he thinks to himself- if I had to do this in 90-degree weather… he pulls at the offending white beard strapped on his face, “Tell me why I’m being held against my will being Santa yet again-“
“Oh, come on, Joel, no swearing in front of the kids!” Tommy teases, slapping his brother's back as he fiddles with the digital camera fixed in front of Joel, making sure that it sits steady on its tripod. “Besides, you certainly look the part, you know. Maybe you could lay off on the after-work beers once in a while.”
“Go fuck yourself, asshole-“
“I thought we were going to try not to bicker and cuss each other out this year?” Sarah suddenly interjects, an elf hat fixed on her head as she smooths out her elf costume. She smirks, turning to a not-too-pleased Ellie in her costume, muttering to herself about getting paid to endure the torture of volunteering for the annual Christmas festival at the market. “Oh Ellie, you look so-“
“Stupid? Because I feel like a moron-" she chides, stomping next to Tommy as she fiddles with the camera. Tommy whacks her hands away as he shoos her off. “This is so fucking embarrassing! At least Joel doesn’t have to wear a pillow under that suit-“
Three of the four Millers burst into laughter, Joel glaring at them as he shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, glad y'all are having a blast at my expense… next time Maria asks for a Santa, you-“ he points at Tommy, his face still red from laughing, “as her husband, should volunteer yourself-“
“… but you wear the suit so well, brother! Besides, I’m sure Sunflower would love for you to climb up her chimney…” Tommy interjects with a mischievous grin, sending the group into another fit of laughter.
“Oh gross!” Ellie shrieks, “Please tell me you’re going to burn that suit afterward!”
“Okay Millers, are you ready?!” Maria claps her hands together as she approaches, a wide smile on her face as she pushes Tommy aside, settling herself behind the camera. “Got all of the swear words out of your system? Let’s get into our places, there’s a lot of antsy kids waiting for Santa, we can’t keep them waiting, can we!”
Joel adjusts the too-big Santa trousers once more and gives her a thumbs up. “Okay, Let’s get this shit over with!”
“Dad, your beard is crooked,” Sarah laughs, reaching over to fiddle with the fake beard and kissing his cheek. “For the record, you are the best Santa the market has ever seen…”
“… and yet, this doesn’t mean that you’re getting a new car-“
“… she’s going to love it,” Sarah cuts him off, a small smile on her face. “Besides, don’t you think she’ll be happy to see you all dressed up?”
Joel smiles at that, nodding. “I hope so, I’m doing this just for her, you know?”
“Yeah, Dad, I know.” His eldest daughter laughs, “You’re going to kill it!”
After what feels like forever, families keep streaming in as the day goes on. Kids of all shapes and sizes take their turns on Joel's lap—some looking terrified, others just thrilled to meet Santa. Thankfully, the line finally starts thinning out as the last hour of the festival approaches.
Joel, finally catching a break, stands up to stretch. He twists his back, and you can practically hear his body protesting in agony. "I'm getting too old for this shit," he sighs, frowning.
"Excuse me, Santa," a little voice calls out from behind. "Is it my turn?"
Joel can't help but smile as he turns around, facing a little girl, no older than four, her head tilted to the side. She sports a wide grin and a pink beanie atop her head, her brown hair fashioned in charming braids, holding her mother's hand. "Sure, baby girl. Come to Santa!" Joel exclaims, settling back into his sleigh. He pats his thigh invitingly, the girl's mother giving you a knowing wink as she carries her onto Joel's lap.
“So, have you been a good girl this year?”
The girl beams at him, bouncing up and down as she nods. "Yes! I water all the plants at my mommy’s stand-" she points off into the distance, "and my daddy said that if I’m a good girl, he’s going to teach me to carb animals too!" She exclaims, "Just like my sisters! I’m a big girl now, that’s why!"
"Is that right? How old are you now?"
She holds up four little fingers. "I’m FOR!"
"... and what’s your name, pretty girl?" Joel asks with a twinkle in his eye.
“I’m Anna Miller!” she replies, her hand raised in excitement. “You can call me Annie! My mommy and daddy sell stuff at the market, do you know them?”
“I might,” Joel replies knowingly, giving her mother a wink. “Your daddy tells me that you have been very good this year!” Joel plays along, a conspiratorial smile shared between you and him. The enchantment of the moment continues as Annie beams with joy at the confirmation from Santa himself.
“Really?” she cries, “I’m so happy, I want to learn how to make my favorite animal, my daddy promised! He’s not here today,” she pouts, “it’s just me and mommy! I miss him. Mommy said he’s busy working his other job, do you think daddy is going to come to the market before it closes?”
“Well, baby girl,” Joel smiles as he winks at her mother once more, “as Santa, I can promise you that he’s going to be here, I’ll make sure of it. What’s your daddy’s name?” Joel continues the charade, eager to sprinkle a bit more magic into his daughter's day.
“Joel! My daddy’s name is Joel Miller! Do you know him?!”
“I sure do!” Joel replies, patting her back as Maria takes a photo of the two of them. “We are really good friends, you know?”
Anna turns back to you as you stifle a laugh. “Mommy, did you know Daddy is friends with Santa?! All of my friends are going to be jealous! Can you call Daddy and tell him his friend is here?” She leaps off of Joel's lap, running to you as you hike her up onto your hip. Joel hurriedly rips off the Santa costume, leaving him in his undershirt and jeans as he smirks at his wife and daughter.
"Sure, baby," you coo, looking over your shoulder as you laugh at Joel, giving him a nod, making sure the coast is clear.
"Hey, baby," he says from behind, his daughter squirming in your grasp.
"Daddy!" she shrieks, wiggling herself from Sunflower as she barrels into Joel. "You're here!" She frowns as she takes him in, her lip wobbling as she starts to cry.
Joel looks at you in horror, turning his attention back to his daughter as she cries in his arms, moving her back and forth as he attempts to console her. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"Daddy, why do you have Santa's beard on you?" Annie innocently replies, pulling on the cheap beard as Ellie erupts in laughter from behind, Sarah whacking her sister as she tries to get her to settle down. "Are you old like Santa?"
"It's okay, baby," Tommy suddenly appears, his smirk as wide as Tim Curry's from Home Alone. "He's older than him, don't you know? That's why they're such good friends!"
"Oh, go fuck-"
"Language!" you scold Joel, covering your daughter's ears as you approach him, kissing him on the lips. Joel attempts to take off the offensive beard, your hand suddenly halting his movements. "Keep it on," you whisper in his ear, "Maybe Santa might let me sit on his lap later, do you think you can ask him, being that you're such good friends and all?" you tease, pinching his ass.
"Oh, I think I can convince him," he winks, slapping your ass as you jump in surprise. "Have you been a good girl this year? Or have you been naughty? I think Santa likes them-"
"Gross! Get a room ya filthy animals!" Ellie yells, ripping off her elf hat as she throws it at Tommy, "This is the last time, you hear me?"
#pedro pascal#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x you#joel miller#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel miller x female reader#joel miller fanfic#joel miller x plus size reader#joel tlou#joel the last of us#tlou fanfiction#tlou hbo#tlou fic#joel miller fic#joel miller imagine#meet me at the farmers market
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What does your instinct say as to how the Bellarke story will end? Whats your prediction? Me hoping for endgame ♥️
I am almost positive that Bellarke is a romantic endgame, because the story places them at the center of the narrative and their relationship has gotten more and more romantic as the seasons continued.
I am not so positive that Bellarke will get a happy ending and live together the way we’d like. They might die together. Which would be a bittersweet ending, as they’d be TOGETHER, but their journey would be over.
I don’t think one would die leaving the other behind, although JR MIGHT go for that tragic ending. But it would leave one of them just surviving, rather than living, so it’s pretty grim. But if it DOES happen, they will be romantic canon before that happens and probably have a baby, which means it would have to be Clarke surviving, even though I think that story HAPPENED already, with s4. Although it’s possible that Bellamy could survive and in his grief be alone, although Echo MIGHT be there to pick up the pieces. That would be terribly tragic, but at least he wouldn’t be alone. I dont’ think it a likely ending though.
Back to that Clarke surviving, with a baby. Okay, like i said, that happened in s4 (with madi as the child) and she nearly broke, but did manage to make it through. In order for this ending to happen, though, I think it would have to be TRANSFORMED so that we can see the development of the characters. It can’t just be a replay. They have to do it RIGHT this time. We’ve already seen Bellamy saying he can’t do that again, and he’s managed to fix the story there.
But what if it’s reversed this time. And BELLAMY is about to be the one who stays behind to save everyone, thus sacrificing himself, and at the last minute, instead of closing the door and leaving him behind like Bellamy did in s4, she closes the door with HERSELF on the outside too, and joins Bellamy in whatever noble self sacrifice he’d intended in order to save his people and all humanity.
“Together,” she says. Of course.
No more, “I left her behind and we all die anyway.” He regretted it immediately, that leaving her behind. He would have preferred to die with her.
Only she didn’t die, did she?
So the tragedy there is that Clarke was ALONE, and Bellamy thought she was dead. So the way to replay that narrative, with the twist of the development the characters have been through to FIX the situation, is for Clarke to stay behind with Bellamy and do whatever it was together.
ONLY
Plot twist: Bellamy and Clarke don’t die. It’s the anomaly, so instead of killing them, it sends them somewhere, or they get left in disconnected stream of time, idk. In my mind, the place they need to go back to is the earth. That’s the dream, right? From the opening scene of The 100.
The rest of their friends and family think they are dead and sacrificed. Maybe they close the anomaly, I don’t know, no one else can follow it. Or not. Who knows. BUT whoever is left behind, Raven, Murphy, Madi, etc. They can’t stay where they are. Maybe Jordan, as his father’s son, believes he has the ability to fix the earth. Probably with algae, let’s be honest. So maybe instead of fleeing sanctum and the five colonies, our heroes get on the Eligius ship, go into cryo and go back to Earth as a MISSION to heal what has been broken.
Maybe Octavia decides to go, as she’s finally taken on Lincoln’s concept that we are responsible for our monster when we let it out. And that means humanity has to fix what they destroyed. The earth. Raven takes off from Sanctum, and for once, she’s taking off of a planet that’s not on fire.
They go back to earth where Green is going to attempt to make it green again (Make Algae Not War.) And land on the one spot that’s green, Eden of course, and find a thriving peaceful civilization.
75 years in the future (since they were in cryo) Bellarke never died. They were sent back to earth by the anomaly, to the destroyed earth. And they were left to live their lives in peace and happiness, to create that society and life that Miller, Bryan, Monty and Kane dreamed. And they either meet the ancient Clarke and Bellamy, or see a video of their lives where they are talking to their friends finally coming back to earth, and we see them get older, have kids, have survivors from the dead earth show up so they can make a new world, a new earth.
A beginning for humanity, without war.
That’s my spec. I’ve been working on it since the s5/6 hiatus. I used to think time travel, but the anomaly is more like space travel with time hijinks. I used to think they’d go back to earth at the end of s6, but s6 and s7 seem to be one continuous story. But there are some elements that need to come together. Bellarke need to be together. They need to go back to earth to fix what they did to it. Octavia needs to be fully redeemed as the symbol of humanity, in order for humanity to be restored. Bellamy needs to have his “mythic name” like Wanheda, and I suspect it might be something along the lines of “key.” Bellarke need to mirror Marper’s ending, the bittersweet happy ever after. Their PEOPLE need to win the battle, even if Bellarke is sacrificed to get it (that’s the bittersweet. They have victory but lose the people they love.) Jordan can fix the failures of Monty and Jasper, he can recover from his trauma from sanctum, like Jasper couldn’t, and his algae can save the world like Monty’s couldn’t. And Raven gets to take off of a planet without it being on fire.
This is a theory I’ve shared before, although this one comes from a different direction. Check the tags to see what else I’ve said. It’s changed and grown over time. I JUST figured out that Green will probably be a verb for Jordan which means like in s5, Monty’s algae WILL be the answer. And he said he could use it to make the land grow again, just like he did the cryo farm.
The earth HAS to come back, otherwise they’ve failed as heroes saving humanity. Becuase humanity has to be responsible for the damage they did. They can’t just leave it behind and find new planets, that’s colonialism and turns humanity into a cancer, that spreads from planet to planet using up resources. (didn’t jasper say that human’s were the disease? also in one of JR’s references, the anomaly was the cancer, and they had to stop it. so it wouldn’t be so weird if humanity was the cancer in this one. or parts of humanity.)
So this theory would actually have Clarke and Bellamy dying in the end. Or near the end. Fandom will be DISTRAUGHT.
But what i’m saying is they won’t be dead, they will be transported. DEATH IS NOT THE END, yo. And long after our heroes think they are dead and try to continue on without them, BOOM. Here they are, living marperly ever after in the after life, paradise, peace on earth and chickens in the yard. Honored by their society as the people who saved humanity.
It’s a bold speculation, but I’m seeing a lot of clues. Of course I won’t get everything right, but over the past year this theory has developed along with the new revelations. The anomaly and the other colonies are still the biggest wildcard. Also cadogan and sheidheda. I don’t know their stories. Or how they work. I suspect there’s an anomaly on earth. There’d have to be if cadogan is there since we know he was on earth with Becca when she died.
Oh. Maybe Becca and Cadogan figured out the tech to do the anomaly, and Becca tried to stop it, because the last time her tech went rogue and killed everyone, so this time she’s wary, and she sees the potential for evil with the anomaly. So she tries to pull the plug. Which Cadogan (probably the ‘him’ who let ALIE out) does not like, because he’s a doomsday cultist. This would explain Becca’s dying words, “You dont’ understand Cadogan, I’m trying to save us all.” Or such. So he kills becca, enacts the anomaly, flees to another planet with hsi followers, but maybe someone stops the anomaly from being used again on earth or whatever. Or maybe everyone from shallow valley was actually FROM the anomaly, and they forgot it all after the anomaly faded. Oh these are all new theories. sorry. and not bellarke.
#the 100#speculation#series finale spec#back to earth theory#becca-cadogan anomaly theory#anomaly on earth#green is good theory#death is not the end theory#BOOM#marperly ever after
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Welcome to Polaris-HQ’s First Plot Drop!
One of Polaris’ most long-standing bouts of magic has been its ability to exist within the human world. Through a large amount of cloaking spells and the occasional memory-wiping charm, it’s managed to thrive for centuries unbeknownst to the humans living in Castle Hills. That doesn’t mean they’ve been completely separated — while magic can do a lot, it can’t do everything, Polaris still relies on the use of human delivery drivers to provide supplies. These are always folks under the impression that Polaris is a rehabilitation center of sorts for wayward adults. It’s easy not to question the hijinks they might encouncter.
Today, Polaris had an emergency delivery made of eggs and a new hot-water heater. These were brought by a faithful man who’s been driving up to the school for years — Adam Miller. This day was a bit different, you see. While his beloved wife is out of town, Adam had to bring along his two children for the drop-off. Seventeen year old Zoe Miller and her six year old brother Mikey Miller. Adam told his two kids to stay in the car while he went to have a talk with “Mrs. Morgenstern”, and that he would be back in five minutes. But a lot can happen in five minutes. Zoe got out of the car to get a wifi signal, and Mikey took off down a pathway because he could’ve sworn he heard a dolphin chirping somewhere. Last time Zoe left Mikey unattended, he almost ended up in a cult, so of course she went after him. But the Polaris grounds are confusing enough to its residents, never mind strangers. And mortals at that!
Ursa Major sent out a message to every student (with the help of the school’s strongest psychic magic users) that there were three humans loose on school grounds. They would be taking care of things as quickly as they could, but in the meantime, students and staff were urged to act as normal as possible. And not “Polaris Normal” — for however long Adam, Zoe, and Mikey Miller are there, staff and students are to be as cordial, accomodating, and human as possible.
Below the cut, you’ll find each character paired up with another. You’ll also see another name — either Adam, Zoe, or Mikey’s. We are asking that you write out a scenario of your characters encountering this human, and how they interact not only with each other but also given their circumstances.
How you choose to go about this is completely up to you! You can make a text post, headcanong out what happened in the interaction with your partner. You can get fancy and make an edit including headcanons. You can go all out and actually write the interaction, if you so choose! We just ask that you either send a link with the finished product to the main or submit your headcanons in a message directly to us so that we can write up a summary of the Miller family’s excursions. You have until Wednesday, May 20th at 8pm EST to message your partner and make some magic happen! Just not literally.
Feel free to continue making and replying to non-event related posts as well! For things directly related, please use the tag polarisevent.miller
Adam Miller
our typical suburban dad. Wears socks with sandals and just really hopes the weather will be nice for Memorial Day Weekend so that he can have his annual BBQ Yes, he exclusively calls it a BBQ, not “barbecue”. He’s seen Professor Lauridsen around campus and has had his bisexual awakening at the ripe age of 52. Will most likely try and recruit anyone with the slightest hint of muscles to help him build his deck.
Will be encountered by:
Venus and Serpens
Uranus and Pluto
Willow and Leo
Ophiuchus and Gemini
Andromeda and Pavo
Norma and Libra
Zoe Miller
Will fight anyone who claims she’s a millennial when she’s very obviously Gen Z. Didn’t realize her brother was on the loose because she’d been scrolling through TikTok all day. She’s currently in a fight with her on again, off again boyfriend Chazz, a soundcloud rapper. Last time she was left to babysit, she almost put Mikey on eBay, so she’s sufficiently freaking out. Has a stack of college applications at home for various art schools. Has definitely gotten into a fist fight in the Denny’s parking lot at 1am after junior prom. Better than you.
Will be encountered by:
Crater and Lupus
Cancer and Aquarius
Taurus and Ara
Cassiopeia and Draco
Capricorn and Sagittarius
Crux and Scorpio
Mikey Miller
Typical six year old boy. He wants to be a marine biologist/astronaut/Willy Wonka when he grows up. His hobbies including playing with dinosaurs, building toy trains, putting super glue in his sister’s shampoo bottles. His dad told him that when they got home, he’d make Mikey a grilled cheese with the crust cut off, so that’s all he really wants right now. That, and to find the chirping dolphin he heard when he got out of the car.
Will be encountered by:
Aries and Saturn
Lyra and Auriga
Hiwa and Pisces
Neptune and Orion
Cygnus and Delphinus
Cepheus and Hercules
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Favorite Books of 2019
I read a bunch of books in 2019. I loved a lot of them. Here are my ten favorites.
10. Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language, Gretchen McCulloch
Most books about internet culture are garbage because they are written from the perspective of someone who is outside internet culture. Gretchen McCulloch, I am positive, is a part of internet culture. She was on fandom mailing lists and had a LiveJournal, I’m sure. She had to be to write Because Internet, which is an incredibly well written book about how language has evolved to fit online discourse. Because Internet is so fascinating, as it is able to explain thoughtfully (and compellingly) many things that internet people understand inherently. It parses through the evolution of a keysmash or an emoji. And it really helps show how language on the internet is not somehow the deterioration of language, but just another natural step forward.
9. HHhH, Laurent Binet
Originally written in French, HHhH deals with the entire genre of historical fiction. The narrator in HHhH is writing a novel about the murder of Reinhard Heydrich, a high-ranking Nazi official. That novel-within-the-novel is the bulk of the actual HHhH. But the narrator, who has spent years researching the actual facts, struggles with how much history and how much fiction he should be putting into the book. And so the book explicitly plays with the reader’s expectations, and comments at times on paths the story could take. The book works without the metatextual commentary, it’s propulsive and a little wry. But the added layer really just adds to the intrigue: what’s historical fiction supposed to do? And does any of it even matter?
8. Out East: Memoir of a Montauk Summer, John Glynn
Out East is a coming out memoir that deals with entirely internal struggles and not external hardships. Of course, there is an incredible amount of privilege at play for a coming out to be devoid of external hardships. And yes, the memoir, about a group of (mostly white) friends who rent a beach house in Montauk for a summer, is steeped in privilege, which John Glynn is acutely aware of. But John Glynn is not asking for your sympathy, he is instead telling a deeply personal story about self discovery and sexuality in the 2010s. He captures the world-shattering confusion and fear of learning that you don’t know yourself in a visceral way that still somehow maintains perspective. I cannot say that this book is for everyone, but man, was it for me.
7. Red, White & Royal Blue, Casey McQuiston
The year was 2019, and everything was awful. Enter Red, White & Royal Blue, a wildly escapist fantasy that dared to dream: what if the world wasn’t on fire? So Red, White & Royal Blue is truly the most escapist novel out there, a fun romp of a romantic comedy that is entirely unconcerned with the disasters of reality. No, we’re just going to take the biracial son of the first female President of the United States and the charming, responsible prince of England and let them fall in love. Let hijinks ensue. Let this wonderful, bubblegum, fizzy drink of a novel enter your brain and wipe away all your worries. God, I had a blast reading this novel. Make everything gay 2020.
6. Soonish: Ten Emerging Technologies That’ll Ruin and/or Improve Everything, Kelly & Zach Weinersmith
Soonish is the exact kind of nonfiction that I want. It made me feel smarter and also made me laugh. Soonish takes on exactly what its subhead describes: ten emerging technologies (robotics, fusion power, asteroid mining, bioprinting!) that may or may not prove disastrous. It walks through the current science and then the possibilities, and how far off those possibilities are. And then it walks through the potential benefits and consequences. It’s an incredibly accessible read, written with the right balance of information and levity, striking that xkcd Randall Munroe balance. And it also has very funny comics and illustrations interspersed throughout, which will just bring your life so much joy.
5. Just Mercy, Bryan Stevenson
Too real. Just Mercy is too real. This is not the right space to get into all that this book says about racial injustice and the flaws of the American justice system. It says a lot, and it says it extremely powerfully. But Just Mercy is Bryan Stevenson’s memoir, too. And it’s equally powerful for what it reveals about Stevenson. It’s so incredibly intimate, and Stevenson really lets the reader into his mind. And I think that openness really makes the whole thing land. Because Stevenson is hopeful and dedicated, and being that close to his inner thoughts ends up turning his story into something inspiring, not enervating. There’s an anecdote about an old woman on a bench outside the courthouse that Stevenson describes, and Stevenson’s retelling is so sure of the overwhelming, indomitable potential goodness of the human spirit that I may have shed a tear. Or two. Or a hundred.
4. The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller
I’m not usually one for deeply tragic stories, but The Song of Achilles I guess is the exception that proves the rule. Locked into the Iliad’s telling of Achilles and Patroclus’ fate, The Song of Achilles feels tragic from the first line. But every sentence builds their relationship and makes you invested, even as tragedy looms. The writing is gorgeous and almost musical; the passion swells and crashes like an orchestra. The book smartly focuses on Patroclus’s humanity to ground Achilles. It’s through Patroclus that we see and understand Achilles, which makes the sharp turns, where we see through Achilles, cut even deeper. In any event, the whole affair is horrifyingly romantic, and I loved it.
3. Homegoing, Yaa Gyasi
Everything about Homegoing is spectacularly audacious. It is an economical 300 page book with the weight, scope, and ambition of a thousand page page epic fantasy series. Homegoing begins by telling the story of two sisters who, by the whims of circumstance or luck or fate, end up on wildly divergent paths. In Ghana in the 18th century, one is sold into slavery and the other marries an Englishman. Homegoing then follows the parallel paths of their descendants through eight generations. Though Homegoing only devotes a single chapter to each character, it manages to develop those characters and their specific settings in more detail than some entire books can. And these chapters are great not only because of what they say about the larger themes of racism and colonialism and family and history, but because of the nuanced, particularized stories they’re able to tell about the individuals.
2. Picture Us in the Light, Kelly Loy Gilbert
Contemporary Young Adult books can feel hit or miss for me. Many of them end up feeling a little shallow or juvenile. And this isn’t a criticism of the books, but a necessary side effect of the fact that I’m not the intended audience. But Picture Us in the Light knocked me over with more force than any “adult” book I read.
Picture Us in the Light, at first blush, is a typical story about Danny Cheng, a Chinese American high school student worrying about getting into college, swirls with weighty plot elements--suicide, citizenship, poverty, familial sacrifice--but never resorts to melodrama. Each issue is treated with a deft, steady hand. But more than anything, it is just the story of Danny Cheng trying to figure out his life. His voice is specifically crafted to reflect everything he is: an aspiring artist, the child of immigrants, Asian American, maybe queer, a Californian, and, maybe most importantly, a teenager. Because Picture Us in the Light turns the youth of its genre, its audience, and its main character into an asset; it channels that unformed teenage energy of wonder, uncertainty, and anxiety to heighten every emotional beat. And mostly, it brims with empathy and optimism for Danny and, really, for everyone.
1. The Starless Sea, Erin Morgenstern
The Starless Sea is the reason I read books. As a kid, I fell in love with reading by devouring entire series, getting lost in a fictional world for days or weeks or months at a time. What made reading so addicting was the feeling of being entirely immersed in the currents of a story. It’s a feeling I don’t get from books much any more. I read too fast, I think too much, and, mostly, I’m too easily distracted. But The Starless Sea brought that feeling of having just spent two weeks reading every Redwall or Lord of the Rings or Ender’s Game book and no longer being able to discern reality from fiction. And for that blissful literary hangover, it was the best book I read in 2019.
The Starless Sea is about Zachary Ezra Rawlins, a video game design graduate student, who comes across an old, unmarked book in his school library. In that book, he comes across a story that impossibly contains a moment from his past, and the book proceeds to unravel that mystery. However, this plot summary is misleading in its linearity; The Starless Sea is structured as books within a book, chapters will switch from the story of Zachary to the story Zachary is reading to maybe a different story altogether. And in this way, it unfolds as a puzzle box, or maybe as nesting dolls, or maybe a Mobius strip (or maybe all three), where figuring out exactly what stories are being told only adds to the experience.
You won’t find a review of this book that doesn’t call Erin Morgenstern’s writing beautiful or atmospheric or dreamlike, which is appropriate because Erin Morgenstern’s writing is beautiful and atmospheric and dreamlike. Between the whimsical descriptive flourishes and the outward spiraling fantastical plot, the book is always on the verge of floating away or spinning out. But Zachary Ezra Rawlins grounds the story; he’s real and genuine and good, and never have I rooted more for a character. He believes in the power of a great story, and that’s ultimately what this book is about: the ways in which a story can sweep you away. And, truly, The Starless Sea just washed over me, lifted me up, and swept me away.
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Five BBCRH Things We Can’t Stop Talking About, and One We’d Really, Really Rather Not Ever Have Mentioned
Liar, Liar… Tattoo on Fire?
In many ways, Robin Hood is an ideal show for me, because it combines found family with a sort of procedural caper-of-the-week thing which is absolutely catnip to me, and explains why I watch a lot of very bad crime shows. There are certain things that you can be sure will happen in each episode; there’ll be some theft in the woods, Marian will do a badass stunt, Djaq will do science, and Will will invent something anachronistic, one of the gang will have a personal connection to this week’s supporting characters, and Guy and the Sheriff’s dreadful scheme will take a very long time to be discovered and will then be foiled in a hilarious way.
And such it is with SE01E08, Tattoo? What Tattoo?
pictured: what is this even meant to represent, m8, medieval batman?
In this episode, we discover that during Robin’s time in the Holy Land he witnessed - and foiled - an assassination attempt on King Richard by a man with a strange tattoo on his arm. The assassin escaped, and Robin has been plagued by nightmares ever since, although those may be more due to the TERRIBLE WAR he was engaged in at the time.
By an alarming coincidence, somebody in the regular cast has exactly the same tattoo.
pictured: I know, I’m as shocked as you are
And - get this, right - Gisborne was the one sent to kill the King? Which, as it foils my theory of an evil network of assassins with matching ink, somewhat begs the question of a) why he has the tattoo b) where he got the tattoo c) seriously, what is it meant to represent and d) HOW DID HE NOT THINK TO GET IT COVERED UP AT ANY POINT IN THE LAST TEN YEARS WHEN HE KNOWS ROBIN SAW IT? ROBIN DIDN’T SEE HIM BUT HE VERY MUCH SAW ROBIN. IDIOCY, THY NAME IS ‘OF GISBORNE’.
Hijinks ensure, and by hijinks, I mean Robin tries to murder Gisborne in cold blood and the gang have to patiently remind him about such irrelevant things as ‘fair trials’ and ‘morality’ and ‘killing we do not like’, and he is Not Impressed with this. It’s quite thrilling, really, seeing such great minds as Allan ‘I’m Good With Nuns’ A Dale and Much ‘Jigger Off’ the Miller’s Son explaining to their leader that tying a man to a tree and beating the crap out of him isn’t really cricket.
pictured: but what if I only murder him a little bit?
Things come to a head when the gang take Gisborne to a secret location to trade him for Djaq, who has been captured by the Sheriff. Honestly, she already managed to melt the bars of her cell with acid by herself, so she probably had it handled, but it’s nice that they cared. Robin informs them that Guy is only temporarily reprieved, as the King will be informed of his treachery as soon as the King returns.
And the Sheriff - often a bumbling idiot, but occasionally very distressingly clever indeed - does something coldblooded, barbaric, and absolutely hilarious, and I’ve found a link for you below.
youtube
ROBIN: There is no way Gisborne went to the Holy Land without your say-so.
SHERIFF: (feigning ignorance) Holy Land? Gisborne?
ROBIN: I have proof. On his arm. His tattoo. People in the King’s Guard know about that tattoo, and when they return, he will pay. And you will pay.
SHERIFF: (innocently) Tattoo?
The Sheriff yanks Guy’s arm up, rolls up his shirtsleeve, and calmly pours acid all over it, blistering the skin and destroying the ink. Guy screams.
SHERIFF: What tattoo? (to Guy, over his screams) Oh, shut up, you big jester!
Robin is not pleased, but then, neither is Guy, who is writhing on the ground clutching at what remains of his forearm. And both teams sneak off to fight another day.
pictured: will scarlet embracing his new life as a rocket ship
And that’s really what I love about this show, and what I never stop talking about. Every episode, somebody’s plan is foiled, and every episode we live to fight again (with some significant exceptions that we Don’t Talk About). The bad guys are properly, nastily, old-school baddies that you can actually hate, and the good guys are complex enough to be interesting and noble enough to be likeable. No matter what happens, it makes great telly.
And that’s why you should watch Robin Hood. Chop chop.
#bbcrh#guy of gisborne#my gang to me 2019#BBC Robin Hood#robin hood bbc#interestinggin#5 things#submission#tattoo#season 1
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Are You There, Istus? It's Me, Taako
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2SoCVaU
by Hekaerge-Athenias (Athenias)
Taako likes to think that meeting a goddess in the Girl’s Toy section of a Fantasy Wal-Mart was where his life got… well, got really fuckin weird. Sure, his sister and her husband turned into liches a while back but that's just something that happens sometimes, and he just got fired from the Library of Arcane History for reasons he can't legally disclose to anyone in public, but still. It's not Goddess on a trike type of weird. But hey, Istus gives him sick bling, so what's he gonna do? Turn her down? Have you even met him?
Kravitz has long since abandoned the notion that his life was ever normal since, for as long as he can remember, he's been following a raven with golden eyes. Of course, there's also that time he knows for a fact he died, but something fucked up along the way because he's still alive and the necromancers that pulled out his heart aren't. Also, what happened to his heart?
It's the Adventure Zone!
Words: 9927, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English
Fandoms: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M
Characters: Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup (The Adventure Zone), Barry Bluejeans, Merle Highchurch, Magnus Burnsides, The Director | Lucretia, Davenport (The Adventure Zone), Istus (The Adventure Zone), Kravitz (The Adventure Zone), Lucas Miller, Ren (The Adventure Zone), Johann (The Adventure Zone), The Raven Queen (The Adventure Zone), Sloane (The Adventure Zone), Hurley (The Adventure Zone)
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Istus/The Raven Queen (The Adventure Zone), Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Magnus Burnsides & Merle Highchurch & Taako, Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone), Kravitz & The Raven Queen, Avi/Johann (The Adventure Zone)
Additional Tags: Starblaster As Family, AU where there's no adventure just this, Fantasy Wal-Mart, Fluff and Angst, Marriage Proposal, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Ren - Freeform, Ren Kravitz and Johann are friends because this is my Adventurezone now, Minor Davenport/Merle Highchurch, All other ships besides Taakitz Blupjeans and RQ/Istus are probably minor tbh, Canonical Character Death, Past Character Death, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Time Shenanigans, Sharing a Bed, Meet the Family, Mutual Pining, Playing fast and loose with how D&D works, The Raven Queen Adopts Kravitz at the tender age of thirty five
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2SoCVaU
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