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msmarvelwrites · 4 years

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The Winter Ghost - Part 11

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, ptsd, fluff

W/c: 2.4 k

A/n: Wow, its been a week! I dont know about you but August is something else honestly! I hope you guys are enjoying the read and as always if you have any feedback, or youd just like to chat, hit me up! Thank you @cutie1365 for your help with this one!

It had been a whole week since you woke up in Shuri’s lab, but the fifteen minutes it took her to perform the final analysis felt like it droned on forever.

In the days that passed Wanda had come by your room the most. She had changed, but then again, so had you. Her eyes bare a worry that never seemed to go away, no matter how much you reassured her. It wasn't her fault. But even still, every time she saw you she tiptoed, afraid she’d set you off at any moment. You were used to this coming from Steve, but a tiny part of you broke at the thought of Wanda fearing you. She had always accepted you, no questions asked…

Nat would usually come for dinner, giving you the full breakdown of the day. Since waking up and remembering everything it was hard to trust the people around you, but she made it a little easier. She assured you that Sam wasn't angry, and that he had recovered with very minor injuries. You were thankful she didn't bring up your other opponent.

Then there was the Captain himself. You haven't really seen Steve much, but you heard him through the walls of your room. He visited his friend every day. He never actually went into his room, however. He would only stand outside and apologize over and over for something you could never make out.

On the fourth day, he spoke to you. You were half asleep, it was probably sometime past midnight when you heard his voice.

“No! Please NO!,” His voice woke you from your sleepy daze. “Y/n, please. I’m so sorry. I didn't know. I- I'm so sorry, I never…” The sound of your name on his lips caused a shiver to rush down your spine. His words came out breathy as he choked on a sob. It was clear to you he was having a nightmare. There was a part of you, albeit small, that wanted nothing more than to rush to him, and sooth his fears. But you didn't. You just listened while he screamed for you, unmoving. That's what he deserves, you thought, but you didn't believe it. Not fully.

“Okay, lets go over this again. What's your name?” Shuri rolled across the room on her chair scribbling something down on a tablet. You rolled your eyes, this had to be the fifth time she had asked you.

“Y/n L/n. Born in Philadelphia. Joined S.H.I.E.L.D after my family died in a fire. Moved to Jersey to be closer to work, met Agent Beson, got engaged, and then The Winter Soldier killed him… Did I miss anything?” You rattled off. Shuri only nodded, writing something down you couldn't see.

“You developed a super soldier serum that could absorb the powers of your opponent.” Shuri ‘reminded’ you.

“Right, how could I forget what got me into this shit show in the first place.” You scoffed.

“And you remember how you made it?” She asked.

“Yes… No… Maybe? I think with some time I could recreate it, but I’d need to run a few tests, get the ingredients at the corner store. The serum was created for me and me alone. In case it got into the wrong hands, I didn't want anyone else to be able to use it.” You shuttered at the memory burned into your mind. The wet cement room Hydra had locked you in for days, torturing you for answers you wouldn't dare give. “It’s flawed, obviously. It was never ready to be used. We were trying something new. I was never the best candidate for the serum, as it amplifies what's already within and in my case, was pretty fucked up already… Not to mention the nasty side effects.”

“And what would those be?” The small scientist spoke, now on the other side of the room pulling up a hologram of Dr. Erskine’s original serum from World War II.

“Psychosis mostly. But there was a chance it would enhance trauma or cause permanent brain damage… You know, the good stuff.” You chuckled but Shuri didn't look quite as enthused. “Look, I didn't say the serum was perfect. It was my first draft.”

“Hydra doesn't care about perfection. They want it, and they're going to do anything to get it.” Steve voiced from the doorway you only now realized he was standing in.

“You look like you're feeling better.” He said.

“Well, thank you Captain.” You saluted him in a mocking way that only made his jaw clench, “Here’s hoping you can say the same for your friend.” Your words dripping with sarcasm.

Steve's eyes went dark at that. He looked like he was going to rip you in half. Of course he couldn't, at least not with your homemade cocktail coursing through your veins.

“She’s not ready.” Steve barked refusing to make eye contact with you. You tried to play it cool, but if the Captain was the reason for you staying locked up in this lab for another day you were going to throw a full blown temper tantrum.

“She’s passed all psych evaluations, and seems to have control over her emotions.” Shuri aspoke matter of factly.

Damn right.

“I don't care about some evaluation. If I say she’s not ready-” That was it. It was, after all, pretty easy for you to lose your temper these days.

“You can't just keep me here!” You shouted, causing Steve's head to snap back in your direction.

“I can and I will. Until we are sure you're not a threat.” He seethed.

“Well, she’s not. And you're not in charge here. I am.” Shuri matched his tone, causing a small smirk to play on your lips. What a badass.

Steve only blinked at the small girl, unsure of what to say next. So she continued.

“She’ll be back in her room on the compound by the end of the day. If you don't like that, by all means leave. Wasn't that yours and Bucky’s plan after all?” Shuri snapped. This new information made you stiff. They were leaving? Both of them? You weren't sure why this made you feel nauseous, but it did.

“Yeah, like he’d ever leave without her.” He pointed an accusatory finger at you, causing you to imagine how satisfactory it would be to snap it off and shove it right up his tight-

“If you stay, you listen to me. You're not my captain here, Steve. Show me some respect.” Her voice was powerful. You weren't sure how a sixteen year old could hold herself with confidence, lord knows you were a mess at her age, but nevertheless, she did. And she did it with an unmatched grace.

Steve opened his mouth and then closed it, lost for words. Shuri held her stare, unwavering as she looked up at the 6 foot man. Seriously, what a badass.

“If she loses control, it's on you.” He all but shouted while Shuri only chuckled causing a rage to wash over Steves face.

“Actually, I think if she loses it again, it will be lost on you.” She looked at you while you nodded giggly. Steve shuttered at the idea, making you smile from ear to ear. With that, he stormed out of the lap. The two of you stared at each other before bursting out laughing.

“Did you see his face!? He looked like he was going to shit his pants!” You cackled, holding your stomach for some sort of relief.

“I don't think he’s used to being told no. Big baby.” She cooed, laughing to herself. “To be fair, you almost killed his best friend, so if I was on your bad side I might be worried too.” That shut you down. Steve was one thing, if he feared you, so be it. But you weren't dangerous. Okay, you had squashed Barnes like the bug he was, but that wasn't here nor there.

You signed. They had every right to fear you. You feared yourself at times. But the reappearing of your memories seemed to ease you, for now at least. Everything was back on the table. You knew who you were and you could finally see the whole picture.

“Okay, but seriously Y/n. We have to talk about a few things before I release you.” Shuri spoke, pulling her seat back up beside you. You attended to her newly serious tone and looked down at her from the bed. “Hydras after you. They need that serum, for who knows what. We have to know, can it be cloned while in your bloodstream? Is there anywhere else but that lab you blew up where they could get the blueprints to recreate it?” She asked.

“Nope and nope.” You popped the ‘P’ as you spoke. “Hydra can’t reacreat it without me, and that will never happen again, so they're screwed. I didn't tell anyone what I was working with, not even Tommy.” Your voice fell flat at the mention of his name.

“That's good. Steve’s going to want to hold a team meeting to brief everyone on what's going on and Natasha’s been chomping at the bit to get you back to training. You think you're up for that?” You only nodded, reassuring her.

“Just get me the fuck out of this damn lab. No offense but if I have to look at your face for another second I’m going to find out about that psychosis side effect.” Shuri giggled at that.

“You're free to go.” She gestured towards the door. Your eyes went wide, but she didn't have to tell you twice. In seconds you rushed out of the door and down the hallway towards your room.

As you passed through the kitchen, you noticed Nat sitting at the island eating breakfast. You waved and her face fell. Peaking around the corner you noticed why.

There, sitting on the large couch was, Bucky.

Fuck.

Bucky noticed Nat’s stiffness and turned to see what had her so nervous. That's when his eyes landed on you. All colour washed away from his face, leaving him pale. A ghost of who he once was. Before he could get up, you were gone, sprinting down the hallway. When you thought about seeing Bucky again you imagined feeling a million emotions. Murderous rage being one of them but this, this was not one of them.

When you were finally in your bedroom with the door locked, you allowed yourself to sob. Tears streamed down your face as relief washed over your body. You despised yourself for feeling anything but disgust for the man who had slaughtered any chance at happiness in your life. But, here you were, crying into your pillow like a heart broken teeager, because the man you loved wasn't dead. You wished with every fiber of yourself that he had been gunned down on that bridge, but there he sat, in the living room, steel blue eyes fixated on yours, heart still very much beating.

The loud knocking from the other side of your door was what ripped you back into reality and out of your all consuming thoughts. You closed your eyes, and tried to keep your sniffling quiet, hoping they would just leave. When another three knocks echoed through the room, you groaned, grabbing a pillow from your bed and rocketing through the air.

“I’m busy.” You shouted to the insufferable knocking.

“No you're not.” Sam’s voice shouted back. A smile pulled at the corner of your mouth at his mocking tone. After a moment of battling with yourself, you slugged off the bed and opened the door.

Sam smiled down at you, a small pink cut traced itself over the top of his brow down to just below his eye. By now it was almost healed, but you could tell it once was deep and raw.

“Did I do that?” You winced, gesturing to your face where his gash resided.

“Nothing I can't handle. Can I come in?” He asked.

You nodded, opening the door a little more and allowing him access. He looked around your room. What once was bare, now had boxes and bags filled with items that were important to you.

“So, how ya’ feelin’?” He asked, taking a seat on the reading chair next to your coffee table. You followed him, tentatively as you sat on the edge of your bed. You hadn't spoken directly to Sam in over a week, you weren't really sure if he still trusted you like before. Hell, you wouldn't blame him if he didnt.

“Nothing I can't handle.” You mirrored his response, causing him to chuckle softly.

“Guess were both pretty tough, huh?” He spoke, just over a deep whisper. You nodded your head once in response, feeling the awkward tension to hover in the room before it became hard to breathe.

“Sam, I-” You stated, but your voice broke.

“Hey, hey,” He started, crossing the room and in a second he was at your side, kneeling just below you, he took your hands in him. There was no hesitation, no fear in his eyes. He reassured you before placing a soft kiss on the back of your palm. “Dont. Just don't. It’s not your fault. I have every sense to blame that little witch, but it's not her fault either. I’m just glad you're okay, Y/n” He said.

You hadn't noticed the small tear that had escaped until Sam wiped it away, his warm skin seering into yours.

“Besides, I kicked your ass like, twenty to one. I’d say I still win this match.” That caused a small laugh to bubble out of your chest.

“Thank you, Sam.” he nodded, getting up and sitting next to you on the bed.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“Starving.”

“Lets go get some dinner.” He took your hand in his and stood, but you didn't budge. He looked back and raised a brow in question.

“I think I’m just going to eat in here… If that's okay?” You signed. Feeling like the old broken Y/n who was weak and pathetic.

“Great idea. I’ll bring you something. We can just hangout. I know for a fact Nat’s been dying to see you, care if she joins us?” He asked, eyes soft and full of understanding.

“Only if I can pick the movie we watch.” You said, a smile pulling at the corner of your mouth.

“Done deal.”

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A/n: Thank you for reading! Please, like if you like and reblog if you want to fule my ego! Honestly, thank your for just reading it... I feel like, yeah its lousy, but its really nice to write again. Sending you guys all some postive vibes this week <3

@kalesrebellion

@projectcampbell

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fletchermarple · 5 years

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Quick Review of the True Crime Books I Read in 2018 (Part 2)

Review of Books in 2018 Part 1

Review of books in 2017 Part 1 and Part 2

Review of books in 2016 Part 1 and Part 2

Review of books in 2015

In the Name of The Children by Jeffrey L. Rinek: This book was written by a retired FBI agent who worked a lot of cases involving child abuse and murder, so be aware that its contents are very disturbing. Much like John Douglas in Mindhunter, Rinek mixes his personal history with some of the cases he worked in when he was in the bureau, although his book offers less academic and actual crime information and a lot more emotional response and family life. This is not really a bad thing. Rinek is an interesting person, and he really shows the effect that working with cases like this can have in one’s mental health and close relationships. As for the cases themselves, they are all horrific and some more detailed than others. Probably the best one, because of the amount of information and detail, is the Yosemite Murders, which happens to be the only one that doesn’t involve actual children (the youngest victim was 15). Overall, a gripping read which might not be as insightful as other books written by former agents, but way more personal and raw.

Dark Dreams by Roy Hazelwood: Roy Hazelwood is probably one of the main experts in sexual crimes, and he was one of the top agents in the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI (he sadly passed away in 2016). If you’ve ever read books involving some kind of predator, it’s not uncommon that the cops went to him for his advice regarding profiles. Again, this is another John Douglas type of book in which he goes through some of the cases of his career in the agency, although in contrast to In the Name of Children, this has almost no personal information about Hazelwood himself. That means this book is purely concerned with identifying different types of sex crimes and criminals by giving real life examples. It’s very academical and informative and a fairly easy read (because of the narration style, the subject is as dire as you’d expect). My only issue is that he never goes in detail into the cases and most of the time won’t even mention the names of the victims or the perpetrators, which annoys me because it makes it hard to look up more information. But still, a worthy read for true crime enthusiasts who want to understand more what goes into this sort of cases.

Burned Alive by Kieran Crowley: This books details the murder of Kim Antonakos, who in 1995 was kidnapped for ransom and left with no food, water or warmth in a basement for three days before she was set on fire. It provides a lot of information I didn’t know about the case and it’s a good account of how things went down in the investigation and trial. I don’t like though that the writer decided to write a full passage telling us what Kim was feeling and thinking while she was in that basement, because there’s no way to know that’s true and when you insert that kind of thing in a serious, non fictional book it always throws me off. It’s also quite evident that a lot of the information came from one of the men accused in the kidnapping, Julio Negron, who was the one who made a deal with police and testified against the other killers in their trials in exchange for a more lenient sentence. Apparently he was the only one willing to give his version of the story to Crowley, so I would take some of the things presented here with a grain of salt.

Blood Justice by Tom Henderson: Do you ever read a book and completely forget it soon after you finish it? That happened to me with this one, which is obviously not a good sign. The case it talks about is very compelling: two murders, six years apart, committed by the same perpetrator. One was Margarette Eby, a music teacher savagely killed in her home in 1985. Then, flight attendant Nancy Ludwig was rape, butchered and tortured in a Detroit hotel in 1991. It took a really long time and a lot of effort from police to finally get enough evidence to arrest their murderer. The book has plenty of details about the case, the victims and the killer to satisfy the reader, I think the problem to me is that the narrative falls flat most of the time. This book has a structure problem that takes away all of the suspense, and also the author failed to really give us a good character to focus on, which happens a lot in true crime books about long winded investigations. But it is a fairly unknown case, so you might want to give this a try.

I: The Creation of a Serial Killer by Jack Olsen: This novel is about serial killer Keith Hunter Jesperson, also known as “The Happy Face Killer” because he had the tendency to draw smiley faces in the letters he sent to the media. Jack Olsen, an award winner journalist, makes the bold choice of writing some of the chapters in first person, as Jesperson. At first I was a little put off by this, because as you know, I’m a bit of a purist when it comes to non fiction, but I have to admit, those chapters are very gripping and really give you a glimpse into the workings of a very twisted mind. Most of what’s written in first person was culled from interviews Olsen had with Jesperson, so I’m sure he got the tone, the wording and the train of thought right. These chapters follow the actual murders and crimes committed by Jesperson, and they are interjected with more common third-person narrative and newspaper article style writing about the biography of Jesperson and what was going on with the investigation. It was a very interesting read, although you do have to be prepared to put up with a very sick individual pouring his thoughts, indirectly, on the page.

The Anatomy of Motive by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker: As usual, an excellent food for thought from one of the masters of crime analysis. John Douglas really knows how to pick cases to analyze and give you the right balance of information and opinion. In this case, as you can tell from the title, he wanders into the motive behind several crimes with very clear examples. This book reminds us that motive is probably the main mystery we always want to solve in any case. Even when we know the culprit, if we don’t understand the motive there’s always something very unsatisfying about its resolution. Douglas offers us a glimpse of his own thinking about some complicated cases, including Andrew Cunanan’s killing spree and the still unsolved Tylenol murders, among many others. Recommended.

#true crime #tcoriginal #book review #true crime book #john douglas #kim antonakos #keith hunter jesperson #fbi #review

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